#there's too many and i want to answer them all but im always tired
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shigussy · 8 months ago
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the amount of pedo youtubers i watched growing up was insane but its actually really worrying that i had crushes on most of them and im so so thankful that my interest in most of them disappeared before they got exposed bc i would've lost my mind which did happen once with miniladd
#also i literally met one#i met bryanstars when i was 14 i also met some other members of mde and damon fizzy but LORD#i also talked to him online before that as well publicly and privately and im so glad nothing bad happened in those messages bc i was#already having such a shitty time as a teen and i would've been pushed over the edge#im not bring this up outta nowhere i saw a video about this general topic on tiktok and didnt wanna leave an essay in the comments but#needed to rant#also i was actually so pissed off about miniladd liking miniladds i was obsessed with his videos in hs and i took it as a personal betrayal#i was always watching vanoss and his friends videos growing up so i had spent so long watching him not the longest ive ever watched a#youtuber(that goes to phillip lester who i found on complete accident when i was literally 5/6)#i did get groomed by a few older men online tho i Was of the kik generation#one of them was my bsfs bf who was a junior when we were freshman who would message me that he had a secret gf that didnt want to go public#he also would threaten to kill himself if i took too long answering him back so i was on my phone 24/7 basically and was stressed out so bad#combined with transphobic and homophobic bullying at school caused me to have a public meltdown in the class that held all my bullies and#had to convince my parents to enrole me in homeschooling after which ultimately also fucked up my relationship with 1st gf who was also#manipulating me at the time and also trying get me to make out with her while we cosplayed as levi and eren from aot#which i was uncomfortable with considering i wasnt an aot fan and also was aware of the age difference#i did get back with her after this and she did break up with me again after and i probably would've gotten back with her a 3rd time but#i never saw her message asking to talk again bc she messaged my old fb after my bsf made it an advertisement for the bee movie#i don't believe in a higher power but something was definitely protecting me bc i didn't see that message until TWO YEARS LATER#this went in so many directions#im tired#tw pedophila mention#pedophillia mention#pedophillia tw#suicide tw
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itsalwaysdark · 5 months ago
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and also it doesnt even matter if i miraculously get a job tmrw bc we don't have a car . and im too out of shape to walk anywhere bc everything is far away . so i genuinely dont jnow what to do
#im not smart or talented or hot enough to have a source of income working from home.#i dont have a ged or a kicense or a way to get to work or much experience + ive got a steadily fucking growing gap in my employment history.#And i have essentially 0 social skills i barely Function half the time im dissociated or just crying. im weak and out of shape and#not pretty im like. unhireable i think . and again even if a place did hire me I dont have a way to fucking get 2 work#i might be able to walk 2 a place if i had been at work for a while bc if be more used to being on my feet and active again. its take a#while and id be in a Lot of pain but like. itd be doable. and once i worked for s bit i could get lyfts even tho Expensive also idk that#there as many drivers here. and wtvr. but if i did that itd be Less money to help my family and less money to save up toget my own place and#atp maybe its selfish of me to want my own place and i need to judt be more grateful im allowed 2 stay here . yk#idk. im so tired i just need like. idk. ik the only way is to just get through it and get a job and make it work but it feels so pointless#everything always does. i cant keep getting over hurdles man im so fucking tired of getting through hurdles#every single day is Difficult and every single day is the Same and any time j manage to have a good day ill just go right back to feeling#exactly the same. and even if it looks like everythings better for a bit it all goes back down eventually and ik im supposed to be like But#itll get better again after that <3 ups and downs are a part of life <3 we have to have the bad to appreciate the good <3 im just fucking#sick of the goddamn bad im fucking sick of it ive had enough bad i want good. ik other ppl deserve it more i want everybody to have good#days and be safe and happy i don't want things to keep getting worse but everything just gets worse and all the good parts r tempirary and#im so tired. I am not your strongest soldier bro !!!#idk. i just want to be atable i dont need anything crazy i just want my family to live comfortably and to have enough money that i can#donate i rly donot need much i dont need that much food 2 survive i dont need a ton of space i dont need a nide house i like. i just want to#be Stable and know that everything will be ok. yk. at least 4 my family i want them all to be able to eat and the bills 2 be paid and#hopefully for lamp and the kids 2 go to college. bc lamp and tag both want to go to college and itsy is 6 so he soesnt care#but i want them to be able to so bad bc i can't and i ws never gonna be able to and i dont get to be whiny abt that but like. they want to#and theyre smart and passionate and like. i want them to be able to achieve their dreams and get to have normal lives and be fulfilled and#happy. yk. idk. annie showed me her schoolwork the other day and since it wa first week at like. an alt school it ws a lot of personality#type stuff and mental health stuff and im not gonna get into it bc its not mine to tell but. their answers for one of the things made me so#upset bc it sounded so much like me when i was their age and even now and it makes me feel so guilty that like. i didnt make it better for#them. im the one whos supposed to endure it and then theyre supposed to get to be happy but im too fuckinf weak nowadays and i can't keep#any of them safe or happy and i feel so insanely useless. i hate it i just want to be useful idc anymore like. i want to be good i want to#be helpful i want to be cared abt and its so selfish bc a part of me is like. Ohh wahhh we shouldnr have to do all that to be cared abt wahh#and its dumb bc Yes i do its my job. it just fucking sucks rn bc like i have all the like. sorrow over this being what i have to do and this#is my lot in life but i also have all the guilt over how im not doing it bc km lazy and selfish and i cant just work bc im . Ugh
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ellieslittleburrow · 4 months ago
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Resuested by @outof-spite : was wondering if you could do a winchester bros & little sister! reader where theyve been arguing constantly lately, and reader is usually combative and always argues back but, this time shes just over the arguing so she just gives up trying to argue with them and kinda goes mute?
Warnings : family fights, yelling
Pairings : Sam/Dean Winchester x sister!reader
A/N : Sorry for the late postt ❤️❤️
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Things happen, right? Misunderstandings, judgement, reproaches and blame, all of them, the worst thing that could happen to a family, more importantly-right now-to yours.
Back from a hunt gone bad, you heavily lay in the backseat of the impala, your feet hung over the left window while your head rests over the opposite side of the car.
"Hey-get your feet off my damn leather." A complaint you've heard one too many times, and one you usually fight but- this time, as a sigh leaves your lips, you uncross your legs and bring them down, consequently lifting your upper body to sit up. An avertion from your side that's different from your usual habits, causing the car to fall into heavily loud silence.
And although it is loud with almost audible thoughts and anger, you still enjoy that while it lasts.
And it fucking doesn't last, in fact, just as soon as you entered the motel, another sentence commenced by Sam sent Dean into a fury, and just as things heated up, you found yourself in the middle of it all-again-
"Hey!!-" The shout is directed at you, this you know and choose to disguard. You would answer but- your body is fatigued and so is our mind, answering seems to lead to no vail. You answer, he fights you, you all go to sleep and wake up forcebly normalizing things, as if your throats aren't sore and your brains aren't fried.
"Hey-i'm talking to you-"
The words sound more bitter this time around, and you find yourself reluctantly lifting your gaze up . You look at Dean, slow and undetermined, exhausted.
"I asked you why you did that-You could've waited for us. I know you said there was no time le-" Dean pauses. "And fucking answer me when i talk to you-"
You shrug, causing a choking gasp out of Dean. His eyes widen and he leans forward. "Are you-Is she provok-are you-"
You throw your jacket over the bed, disdain discerned in your every move and you flop on the bed, unaware of the sudden tension that-again- suddenly settles in.
But the thing is--You don't care anymore. You haven't enough energy to get you to fight them once more, neither to explain or defend yourself. Too damn fucking tired is what you are at the moment-Too damn tired of it all.
"Kid?"
You rest your hand over your forehead, closing your eyes in an effort to soothe your aching muscles, and maybe suck in a little more patience.
"Kid."
Your stomach tightens and soon, you'll recess into a bawling mess, so you get off the bed and pick up your jacket.
Please don't lead to another fight, please..You just want it all to be ov-
"What's wrong?"
You shrug once more, shaking your head to motion that all is fine before heading for the door. But Sam comes your way, blocking the door and you blow a long sigh.
"Come here"
Sam grips both of your arms and swiftly-you find yourself glued to his chest. But all happens all too fast-why would he suddenly get all feely- and before you even realize it, you find yourself pushing against him.
"'im sorry-i'm sorry."
A lump builds up in your throat and as flashes of the past few weeks occupy every single space in your brain, your breathing increases-just as it gets harder to breathe. Just the thought of it all_
Your eyes are slowly flooded with warmth, announcing the tears gathering at your eyes. You need to leave. You need to go.
You choke on a sob.
You can't do this anym- "I know, honey. I've been there. I know." And with that, another sob loudly escapes your throat and a whimper follows.
"i've been there with Dad, i didn't realize we were doing that to you-i'm sorry. I see you. I really am sorry."
You shake your head as your cries fill the room, getting increasingly louder the harder Sam rubs your back. But that's not what you need. Not for them to see you-but for them to fucking stop.
"We'll stop. We'll talk. I promise."
You pull away from him, skeptical of a promise you doubt he can hold. And just as you're about to process that, Dean speaks.
"I'm sorry too." His honest tone makes you sigh. This isn't.what.i.want.
"Sam and i are sort've used to it- we lost sight of the fact that it wasn't affecting just us, but you as well. I really am sorry." Sam looks into your eyes and you slightly lean back, averting your gaze.
"It must've been really stresstful for you the past few weeks." Taken aback by his words, you pull your chin away from his hand and turn around, wiping at your tears before resting your hand against your forehead.
"we're sorry, kid."
You shrug, still mistrusftul. Mistrustful but hopeful. Because Sam and Dean are different, fights and bad things might accure but no matter how disconnected from each other they might be, they always come back to each other. And you are no different. You know them well enough.
Your silence is apprehended as anger. "Okay..We understand, we'll leave."
But it's not anger and it's most certainly not hatred. So you envelop Sam again and bury your face in his chest.
Maybe that'll be enough for him to understand?
His surprise manifests through his still figure. "Thank you, honey." That surprise quickly dissipates and he hugs you back. "It..."
"it's going to be okay, honey. We'll make it okay."
------
I hope it isn't too cringe or too cliché because like-who would say sorry in under a minute. But yeah anyway much love sorry byyiii 🍁🍁🍁❤️❤️❤️
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strangelysamantha · 3 months ago
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wasted ☆
jj maybank x fem!reader.
warnings: infidelity, swearing, alcohol.
words: 1,093.
summary: “you were supposed to be my soulmate, but you threw it all away so you could screw some girl?” in which jj makes a grave mistake cheating on you.
request? no.
a/n: i have so many good ideas deep in my drafts. im about to blow up your feed mwahahahha.
my masterlist
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you desperately needed air, the smell of liquor, cigarettes, and blaring music completely overwhelmed your senses, you couldn't find jj which didn't help at all. all you wanted to do was settle into bed, but instead you were trapped at a house party. you were getting tired of the partying, every time the night was close to coming to an end, jj would find something to get worked up about. he would be screaming at you about drama that had sparked. it was exhausting that jj always had a problem, whether it was because you had accepted a drink from a guy, or was dancing to close to someone you didn't even care about. you tried multiple doors, trying to find a quiet place, however all of them were locked.
of course, the one that wasn't locked was occupied. you swing the door open, seeing two bodies entangled together, sweaty and moaning. you were going to shut it when you noticed it was jj in bed. his blonde hair messy as small groans fell from his mouth. "what the actual fuck jj?" you yelled, holding back your tears. as if the night couldn't have gotten any worse, of course jj had found a dumb tourist to feed his needs. before the party, you mentioned to jj that you weren't feeling it, he was upset by this. he made it a big issue before ultimately storming off. you weren't going to go; you told him as much. but seeing how angry he got; you felt obligated to make an appearance.
now regretting even leaving the house, you watch jj scramble to put his clothes back on. the entire show being sickening to see. you decided you didn't even want to hear his excuses. maybe he got too drunk, maybe he wanted revenge, maybe he was just done. you rush downstairs, running into kiara. she apologizes before realizing its you. "hey is everything okay?" you laugh, the whole situation seeming so unreal its funny. "just walked in on jj plowing a tourist. i'm getting out of here." her mouth flies open, "what?" she follows after you, worried to leave you alone. she hops into your car, and the two of you drive to her house, assuming jj would go to yours to try and salvage the relationship.
in kiaras room you lay down on her bed, your body becoming numb. "i mean. i got with jj maybank. did i really think i'd be that special?" you sigh. kiara frowns at your words. "it's not your fault. that is so unfair to you, he knows better than that." you glance down at your phone, seeing a bunch of missed calls and texts from him. "im just mad because i know i'll lose all my friends too." kiara rubs your arm, "you still have me." you smile softly, "thank you, i don't know what i'd be doing without you." your comment was cut off by kiaras phone. "it's jj, should i answer?" you shrug, "might as well. put it on speaker." she pressed accept, immediately putting jj on speaker. "i fucked up kie, i don't know what to do." she wanted to act oblivious to see how jj would explain the situation. "what happened jj?" he mentions you, "we had a big fight before the party. i drowned my frustration with booze. i met a tourist and it was so easy. i let my guard down." kiaras face forms with disgust by his words. she doesn't respond, letting him continue. "she walked in on me fucking someone else. she'll hate me. she'll want nothing to do with me kie, what do i do?" kiara hums, "well you cheated jj." her words stung him, "there is nothing you can do. if she's done with you after this, you'll just have to accept it."
"i have to see her. do you know where she went?" kiara sighs, "no, i haven't seen her. i'm back at mine now, about to go to bed." jj groans, "alright, thanks." he immediately hangs up and kiara scoffs. "please tell me you don't plan on getting back with him." you shake your head. "i can't." she nods understandingly. "besides the fact he literally cheated; all we do is fight anyway. it's too exhausting."
"well i'm here for you, anything you need." you smile, thankful you'd still have a friend after this. "i'm going to head back home, if i run into him i'm going to end it. otherwise i'm going to bed." kiara ushers a goodnight softly, "make it home safe. and keep me updated."
you gently shut her door, heading downstairs. you get into your car, starting it up and driving back home. jj calls you again on your drive home, you reluctantly answer. you stay silent. "can we please talk?" he questions. "im just now on my way home. im too tired jj." he sighs, "im already at your house." you mouth forms into a line, annoyance running through your veins. "alright." you hang up, pulling into your driveway, you noticed him sitting at the end of the driveway. you hop out of your car walking up to him.
he quickly stands up. "look i'm so sorry. i can't even put into words how bad i feel." you scoff, "i don't really care anymore jj." he takes a deep breath, "please it was a huge mistake." you look over, "that's the problem jj. we had a fight, and you lashed out. i don't want to worry about what you'll do if i upset you. if you'll retaliate by sleeping with someone else, or if you'll fight someone, or whatever you'll do just because were on the rocks." he shakes his head, "it won't be like that, i don't want that to be our relationship-" you are quick to cut him off, "there is no more relationship jj." his heart sinks, "no please, we can work this out." you sigh, tears dropping from your eyes. "you were supposed to be my soulmate, but you threw it all away so you could screw some girl?" he was extremely apologetic, "i was drunk, and angry, and i wasn't thinking. i didn't want to hurt you. i regret it so bad. im really sorry." you quickly wipe your tears, "all i see when i look at you is seeing you in bed with that stranger. and that makes me sick. i can't look at you the same jj. we are done." before he can respond you turn away, walking into your house, locking the door behind you.
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smoshyourheadin · 9 months ago
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Maybe u could do a Spencer besties to lovers? Like they've known each other a long time yk
Thankssss no pressure if ur busy ofc <3
It’s Always Been You
cw: reader has a boyf who she breaks up w bc he’s an alchaholic!! don’t read if you aren’t comfortable, i’ll catch you another time ml 💛
a/n: EEK IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG THANK YOU FOR BEING PATIENT ANON 🫶🫶💛💛 also im taking this as smosh spence not cm spence so feel free to re-request if you’d like <33 ps, ive written that he listens to pink floyd here so thats who syd barrett is if you don’t know :))
requests r open!!
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pairing: spencer agnew x fem!reader
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florida, 2002
you and spencer were scurrying around in the freshly mown grass of his backyard, playing tag.
“you didn’t get me, you cheated!” you exclaim, ducking as he reaches out to get you again, tumbling to the floor.
“did too!” spencer retorts, his grazed knees dropping to the floor so he can lean over you. he meets your eyes, pulls a tongue, and hoists himself back up to run to his tyre swing.
all 11 years you’d known, you’d known them with spencer. your moms had been great friends since way before you were born, being in the same book club. or was it an art night? you didn’t exactly know, but you did know that because your moms were best friends, so were you and spencer.
as you sprung back up to your feet, your moms watched your antics through the kitchen window.
“whoever can swing the other the highest gets to have the last red popsicle!” he yelled as you ran over
“oh you’re so on!”
your hands gripped the tyre and you pushed like your life depended on it.
“y’know,” your mom said “one day, they’re going to end up together.”
his mom looked over at yours and smiled,
“i’d be surprised if they didnt honestly.”
los angeles, 2024
you walk through the door of your apartment, and you kick the door closed behind you. your bag slides off your shoulder, and you throw your keys onto the dresser next to the door. you only manage a long groan before flopping onto the couch.
“heya, charlie!” you scrunch your face up as you feel your dog’s cold, wet nose press against your cheek, as he gently wags his tail
“i missed you too boy, work was so tiring today.” you work at smosh with spencer, and have done for the past seven years after you left your job at another channel to join him. it was basically the best decision you’d ever made, every day filled with laughs; practically just a 24/7 hangout. you work with spencer on smosh games, but rarely ever go on camera, even if spencer’s there. you enjoy it anyway though.
you sit up and scratch behind his ears. he wiggles his body contently at your fondness. and then your stomach growls. it made sense, it was currently 6:43pm, and you last ate at noon, so you get up and drag yourself to make some mac n cheese.
as the pasta boils your phone starts ringing.
it’s james.
rubbing your hands over your face, you answer the dreaded call from your boyfriend james.
“heyyy~ sweetheart, y’doin okay? you were hic bein’ a bit of a bitch today, didnt answer my calls, what, you hate me or sumn?” he rambles, most of his words just slurring off.
“james, are you drinking again?” your voice is agitated, hearing the chattering and the low bass of a bar in the background.
you know he has a problem, and you’ve tried to get him to stop so many times. but you just can’t. he just won’t take your help.
“wha- i mean- well- no- but um- well y’r just gonna be mad at me like y’allways are” he stammers, not wanting to tell you the truth.
“no, i’m done with this. you say all this to me when you’re drunk, and then act like everything is fine! i’m sick of it! you spend so much time at the bar, and its the only place we ever go on dates, and i just end up babysitting you! so yeah i am mad! but for the last time! fuck you james.”
you hang up.
you start to tear up, the knot in your chest tight as your emotions come rushing to you, face heating up as tears begin to fall. the hissing of something behind you snaps you out of it.
“shit!” you rush over to to your stove, where the water from your pasta spills over the sides, the flames licking at the bottom of the pan.you take it off the heat and turn it off. it looks done anyway. you add some butter, and, of course, cheese. stirring gently, you sob.
james was so nice to you, always showering you with gifts and praise and love. but it was all for nothing. he just didn’t love you like he loved drinking in the end.
pouring the mac n cheese into a bowl, you call spencer.
“hey lemon! how’s my favourite person this fine evening?” you smile at the nickname.
florida, 2007
“spencer, you’re a boy. why are you so complicated? i mean, its just annoying!” you walk into his bedroom after his mom let you in, clearly pissed off. being 16 isn’t fun, especially when boys you like are rude to you.
“what did he do?” spencer doesn’t look up from his computer, just slightly turn his head.
“he said that i must eat lemons because of how bitter i am. i mean come on!” you lie on his bed and watch him play runescape.
“lemon… hmph” he just smiles and continues whatever he was doing on his game.
“what? nothing to say? ugh! you suuuuuck!”
los angeles, 2024
“yeah, i mean, no. i broke up with james.” you sniffle, and eat a forkfull of your food, elbows resting on the cold marble of the kitchen island.
“i mean- um- yeah thats horrible…” he says
“you’re allowed to celebrate, i know you hated him. and so did everyone. but still. im fragile right now!” you giggle through your gentle tears
“well, i mean, honestly? glad he’s gone. he sucked dude. not sure why you didn’t do it sooner. well, one positive to come of this, your pillows won’t stink of beer next time i nap at yours!” he replies, clearly happy for you.
“yeah,” you chuckle at the memory of spencer falling asleep on your bed, then completing his hair smelt like budweiser “that is true.”
“all seriousness though, are you okay?” his voice is genuine this time, filled with concern.
“no, not really. it’s just… different i guess. but, not much has changed y’know? like, it already felt like he wasn’t my boyfriend anymore…” you begin to ramble for at least 20 minutes, only to be met with the occasional ‘mhmn’ and ‘yeah’ from spencer. mid sentence, there’s a knock at your door.
“oh one sec, someone’s here.” you get up from your table and swing the door open to see a very sympathetic looking spencer, two target bags in his hands.
your jaw is on the floor. you were just crying to him over the phone, and he’d stayed whilst going out to get what you can only assume is things like sour patch kids and vanilla ice cream, which you could see at the top of the bag. your favourites.
“girls night?” he smirked and raised the bags at his sides.
all you can do is smile ear to ear, and wrap him in a tight hug. he leaned into you, basking in your sweet citrusy perfume.
“you’re my favourite, spencie.” you say into his shoulder.
as you both walk inside, charlie comes bounding over to spencer, his favourite person.
“who’s a good boy! charlie is!” spencer was now crouchedby your kitchen island, fussing over your dog as you walked to put on something more comfortable. you slid on some track pants and an old atari hoodie. walking back into your kitchen, spencer has unpacked the bags, and is creating his favourite conconction, The Agnew Sundae. basically the most sickeningly sweet ice cream ever. his dad made it for you both in the summer, and it consisted of:
vanilla ice cream
chocolate syrup
caramel sauce
whipped cream
sprinkles
mini marshmallows
chocolate chips
m&ms
and some crushed oreos to finish.
god, you know you’re going to regret this later, but boy was it a good way to cheer you up.
also strewn on the counter was his switch and copy of animal crossing, a few of his dvd’s for you to watch, and his mom’s chocolate chip cookies.
“spencer, how on earth did you get these? your mom lives across the country!” you hold up the baggie, and raise an eyebrow.
he looks up from his ice cream assembly station, and smirks.
“a magician never- ow!”
you cut him off by lightly jabbing his arm
“okay okay, she visited not to long ago - when she took you to the mall? and she gave me these to freeze and keep for an important event. i think she’d agree this is important.” you cant help but smile at his remark. you missed you moms.
“i’ll have to ring her later to thank her.” you say.
the night goes on, and you and spencer sit on the couch under a blanket watching barbie princess charm school. because what else are you going to watch?
as the movie goes on, and the effects of the agnew sundae kick in; you were dozing off on his shoulder. towards the end of the movie, so does he. he drifts off, comforted by your soft hair occasionally brushing against his face.
you stir awake, the sun beaming into your eyes through your semi-open blinds, and you’re hit by a wave of memory. everything that happened last night comes flooding back.
james’ call.
spencer’s call.
spencer showing up for you.
at the latter, you smile slightly. you prop yourself up on the sofa, and notice the absence of spencer’s warmth by you. frowning slightly, you walk into the kitchen.
“morning sleepyhead” his sweet voice rings through the room
“hey. i thought you’d’ve gone home”
“no, im not that mean! who do you take me for?” he retorts, his attention turning back to the pancakes on the stove.
“pancakes? what time is it?” you come up behind him, putting your chin on his shoulder.
“yeah, and it’s about 10:30.” he leant his head on yours, flipping one. you had to admit, they look pretty good.
“10:30!?” you lift you head in surprise, looking at your phone “shouldn’t we be in work?”
“nope, i called us in sick. said my mom was having surgery. which she is, but i made it sound dramatic so we could stay off.” he looks at you, and smiles slightly.
“well, send her my love! i think i’ll go get dressed now.” he hummed, and you left the room.
opening your closet, you pick out a yellow baggy t-shirt and some grey sweatpants. you pull on some fluffy socks, and slip on a zip up hoodie. walking back out into the living room, spencer walks in with two plates piled high with pancakes, drenched in syrup and strawberries
“so,” you say, a fork full of pancakes in your mouth. “whats the plan for today?”
he looks over at you, and shrugs slightly. “not sure, we could go to the book store you like?”
“ah, you know the way to a girl’s heart“ you put a hand over your chest and giggle a bit.
a few hours later, you walk into the store, door creaking just a bit as a small brass bell chimes overhead. the air is filled with a comforting mix of old paper, leather bindings, and a hint of freshly brewed coffee from the corner cafe that you and spencer like to get tea from. you breathe it in deeply, a sense of calm washing over you. as you walk over the creaky wooden floorboards beneath you, soft warm light filters down from antique lamps, and cast a gentle glow over the rows of books. you ghost your fingertips over the cloth spines while the quiet murmur of whispered conversations and the occasional rustling of pages create a soothing background noise, almost like a lullaby. through spencer’s airpods, syd barrett serenades you both, and his voice blends seamlessly with the ambiance of the store.
“anything good today lemon?” spencer says as he shimmies up next to you in the aisle of towering book shelves, his voice like honey rolling off his tongue. his hair was unruly as always, but he looked so pretty in this light. his face was littered with freckles that you wish you could kiss. he’s smiling at you, and it snaps you back to reality, and reminds you of the fact you’re staring at him
“uh, yeah, i think i’ll get this one” you smile back, holding up a copy of memoirs of a geisha by arthur golden
“cool, shayne likes that one i think. but he likes every book so…” he smiles at his own remark “um, you want me to grab our normal seats in the cafe while you pay for that?”
“yes, please!” you reply eagerly, smiling as he walked off.
you walk up to the cashier, an older lady who always gives you a bookmark.
“thank you m’darlin’, have a lovely day!”
“you too mrs bryson!” you reply, heading over to spencer who’s sat in some plush leather armchairs. as you sit in comfortable silence with him, time seems to slow down, and for a moment, it's just you, spencer, the books, and the comforting atmosphere of this charming bookstore.
“i got you your sweet tea.” he says, handing you a plastic cup filled with your favourite tea.
he remembered.
fuck.
you were in love with spencer agnew, and it took you him handing you your favourite tea to realise it.
“thanks spence.” you say, still grasping the feelings in your chest.
while you read you book and drink your tea, you feel your attention drifting to him. you can't help but glance up from the pages every now and then, watching him as he sits across from you, his focus on his own book. his fingers absently tracing the rim of his coffee mug, his brow furrowing as he reads. the way the sunlight filters through the small window, casting a warm glow across his hair, highlighting the subtle streaks of lighter brown among his dark curls. you find yourself smiling at the sight of him, wondering when these small, mundane moments began to mean so much to you. the bookstore is quiet, aside for the murmur of others reading or talking in hushed tones. yet, with spencer sitting just a few feet away, the world feels like it's faded to the background. it's just you and him, sharing this space, this moment. you watch the way his lips move slightly as he reads, how he occasionally tilts his head in concentration, and the way his eyes light up when he finds something particularly interesting. as he looks up and catches you watching him, you feel a rush of warmth spreading through your chest. he smiles at you, a slow, easy smile that makes your heart skip a beat. he raises an eyebrow, and you quickly look back down at your book, feeling your cheeks flush. but you can't help it; your gaze finds its way back to him, like he's the most interesting story in the room. he seems to notice the shift in the air between you. he closes his book and leans forward slightly, his elbows resting on his knees.
“everything okay?” he asks, his voice gentle, his eyes filled with genuine curiosity.
“yeah,” you reply, trying to sound casual, though your heart is racing. “just... glad to be here with you.”
he nods, his smile growing a bit wider. “me too.”
as he settles back into his chair, you realize that this simple exchange has changed something. the air feels lighter, the connection between you stronger. you may have come here to read and relax, but now, sitting across from spencer, you know you've found something else entirely - something you never want to let go of.
as you leave the store, you’re panicking slightly as you realise you don’t know what to do. so instead you make up an excuse.
“i forgot my keys ," you blurt out, looking back at the bookstore. it's a thin excuse, but spencer doesn't seem to notice. he simply nods, a hint of concern in his eyes.
"do you want me to wait for you?" he asks, already reaching for his phone to check the time.
"no, it's fine," you reply quickly. "you can go ahead. i’ll just be a minute."
spencer seems reluctant to leave, but he nods, offering a warm smile before stepping out onto the street. you watch him walk away, his figure blending into the crowd as he heads toward the main crossing. your heart sinks a little as he disappears from view, and you take a deep breath, trying to steady your racing pulse.
the bookstore feels different now. the warm glow and soft murmurs are still there, but without spencer, it's like the color has faded a bit. you stand by the door, uncertain of what to do next. you could go back outside, catch up with him, and just say it. tell him how you feel. but the words seem stuck in your throat, and the thought of laying your feelings bare feels like too much, too soon.
you step back inside, pretending to look for something you might have left behind. the stacks of books seem to stretch endlessly in front of you, a maze of comforting distractions. you wander through the aisles, hoping to calm your racing thoughts, but all you can think about is spencer - his smile, the way his eyes crinkle when he laughs, the warmth of his voice.
eventually, you find a quiet corner and sit down, closing your eyes for a moment. you know you have to do something. you can't just let him walk away without knowing how much he means to you. but the fear of rejection, of changing everything, feels overwhelming.
you realize you need time to sort through your feelings, to figure out the best way to approach this. with a heavy heart, you decide to make your way home, hoping the familiar surroundings will bring clarity. as you step out onto the street, the cool breeze brushes against your skin, and you take a deep breath, trying to calm the storm of emotions raging inside you.
on the journey home, you replay the moments with spencer in your mind, each one a bittersweet reminder of how much he means to you. you know you can't keep hiding your feelings, but you also know you need to approach this with caution. as you unlock the door to your apartment, you make a silent promise to yourself—to take the time you need, to listen to your heart, and to find the courage to follow where it leads, even if it means risking everything for him.
when you get home, spencer tries calling you as he paces around his bedroom, his phone pressed against his ear. the ringing continues, but there's no answer. he frowns, feeling an uneasy twist in his stomach. maybe you're still in the bookstore. maybe your phone is on silent, or maybe you're just busy. he tells himself there's a reasonable explanation, but the doubt lingers.
as he walks to his kitchen, he dials again. this time, the call goes straight to voicemail. his instincts tell him something isn't right. the keys excuse felt odd, and your hurried departure only amplifies his worry. he takes a moment to think, then leaves his apartment, jumps in his car, starts the engine, and drives toward your apartment.
the streets pass in a blur as he navigates through the evening traffic, his mind racing with possibilities. he finds a parking spot near your building and heads to your door. the hallway is quiet, save for the distant sound of a tv from a neighbouring apartment. he takes a deep breath and knocks.
nothing.
he knocks again, this time a little louder. the knot in his stomach tightens. what if something's wrong? what if he's too late? he knocks a third time, and this time, he hears a faint rustling from inside. the door opens slowly, and there you are, standing in the doorway with a look of surprise and confusion.
"spence?" you say, blinking at him as if he's the last person you expected to see.
"i - i was worried," he stammers, rubbing the back of his neck. "you didn't answer your phone, and i - i didn't know if you were okay."
you tilt your head, trying to process why he's here. his eyes search yours, and you can tell he's anxious, almost desperate to explain himself. "i'm fine," you say, "just had some stuff to think about."
he nods, but you can see he's not entirely convinced. there's something else, something deeper. he takes a step back, as if he's about to leave, but then he hesitates. "i - i have to tell you something," he blurts out, his words coming out in a rush. "i like you. like a lot. like i think i love you? and i know it might be weird, and i don't want to mess things up, but I just had to say it - because i couldn't keep it to myself anymore.”
he looks at you, his eyes full of emotions you can't quite decipher yet. you nod, urging him to continue, even though your own heart is racing. there's something in his gaze that makes you realize this isn't just any confession - this is something that's been building for a long time.
"i've liked you since we were kids," he says, almost breathlessly. "i mean, you were always the coolest person I knew. you didn't care what anyone else thought. you were smart and funny and just... so genuinely kind. i remember when we used to ride our bikes around the neighbourhood, and you'd always be the first one to try something new. like, remember when you climbed that huge tree in mr lawson's yard just because you wanted to see the view from the top? i thought you were so brave."
he chuckles softly, his gaze softening as he reminisces. "and then, when we got older, you were always there for me. when my parents split up, and i felt like everything was falling apart, you were the one who came over with a pizza and just listened. you didn't try to fix it; you just let me talk. that's something i've always loved about you. you're a great listener, and you care about people. like, really care."
he shifts his weight from one foot to the other, his eyes locking with yours. "it's not just that, though. It's the little things, too. the way you laugh at the dumbest of angela’s jokes, the way you get excited about your favorite books, and how you always know the right thing to say when I'm feeling down. you make everything feel... lighter, you know? like, even when things are tough, you find a way to make it better."
spencer pauses, his voice growing more earnest. "so yeah, i've um, been holding onto this for a while, and i just, couldn't keep pretending that i didn't feel this way. i like you - a lot. and i don't know if you feel the same way, but i just couldn't not tell you anymore."
he takes a step back, the tension in his shoulders indicating that he's prepared to leave if needed. "i don't want to make things weird between us. if you don't feel the same, that's okay. i just had to say it, because you're the best thing in my life, and i can't keep acting like you aren't."
his confession takes you by surprise, but as he speaks, you feel a surge of warmth in your chest. the words you were struggling to say are suddenly so clear, so obvious. you watch as he starts to turn away, his shoulders slumping in resignation. before he can take another step, you grab his arm and pull him back, your lips pressing against his in a gentle, yet desperate kiss.
he freezes for a moment, stunned by your sudden action, then his arms wrap around you, pulling you close. when you finally break the kiss, you look into his eyes, and there's no doubt, no hesitation.
"it's always been you," you whisper, your voice soft but sure. "you're my person, spencer."
he hugs you tightly, his grip firm and comforting, as if he's afraid you'll disappear if he lets go. you rest your head on his shoulder, feeling the steady beat of his heart against your cheek. it's a perfect moment, one that feels like the beginning of something new, something beautiful.
and as you stand there in each other's embrace, you know that everything's going to be okay, because you have each other. and that's all that matters.
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holyhadesimweird · 15 days ago
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would you fall in love with me again?
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kisuke urahara x reader
summary : based on "would you fall in love with me again" from the EPIC musical. unknowingly to kisuke, you were held captive by the soul society after his banishment and you finally get reunited when ichigo and the others return after saving rukia.
notes : i just started watching bleach so if things are wrong or inaccurate, IM SO SORRY. ALSO i wrote this very quickly without reviewing so enjoy my word vomit of an idea :)
༶┈⋇⊶⊰❣⊱⊷⋇┈⋇⊶⊰❣⊱⊷⋇┈୨♡୧┈⋇⊶⊰❣⊱⊷⋇┈⋇⊶⊰❣⊱⊷⋇┈༶
kisuke had just sent ichigo and his friends to the soul society in order to save their friend, rukia. as he stood in front of the door where the teens had just walked through, he thought back to his life in the soul society.
he missed... he missed you. he missed the life you two had. he wasn't sure where you were or what happened to you after he was banished. he was banned from seeing you before he left the soul society, and though he did try to leave a message for you, he was sure they didn't deliver it to you.
he only hoped that that you were okay. his mind always wandered and he tried to shake the thoughts from his head.
"are you thinking about her?" kisuke heard tessai ask.
"yeah... i can't help it." kisuke replied. "i miss her, it's been a century and all i want is to hold her again. but i won't be able to and i don't know anything about her anymore. where she is, if she's safe... if she's dead."
"i miss her too kisuke. i think that if the kids run into her, she'll help save rukia and maybe she'll come to us with them." tessai reassured, watching as kisuke turned and started to walk away.
"i think so too. she's too kind to not want to help them. i just miss my wife." kisuke said quietly.
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kisuke was walking next to the river when he got a message from tessai saying that the kids were successful in saving rukia and made it back safely. tessai also said that he should come home as soon as possible as there's an emergency he needs help with, prompting kisuke to speed home.
when the shop was in sight, kisuke saw tessai standing next to the door, waiting for him.
"tessai! what's wrong? what's the emergency you need help with? is there something wrong with the kids?" kisuke said, running up to the man.
"it's better if you just come see for yourself." tessai said, opening the door to the shop for kisuke.
"...okay? i'm starting to get worried..." kisuke trailed off as he started towards the door.
as he entered the shop, he saw a silhouette, one that he hasn't seen in many years. he almost thought he was dreaming until you turned towards him and he could see your face.
"is it you? is it really you standing there, or am i dreaming once more?" you said, approaching him. "you look different, your eyes look tired, your frame is lighter, your smile torn. is it really you my love?"
"i am not the man you fell in love with, i am not the man you once adored. i am not your kind and gentle husband, and i am not the love you knew before." he said softly, slowly approaching you. "so tell me, would you fall in love with me again, if you knew all i've done? the things i can't undo. i don't know where you've been or what happened in my banishment, but i'm sure that you've been waiting."
"i will fall in love with you over and over again. i don't care how, where or when. no matter how long it's been, you're mine! don't tell you're not the same person, you're always my husband and i've been waiting for you!"
you two were now so close to each other your noses were practically touching.
"how long has it been?" you asked.
"a century." kisuke answered. "far too long."
"i've been in captivity and observed for that long?" you whispered.
"...you've been what?" kisuke asked, his face dropping.
"we can talk about that later. i think we have an audience." you laughed, peaking behind kisuke to see all the teens.
"did you two just basically argue about still loving each other?" ichigo asked, his face holding confusion.
"you'll understand when you're older ichigo. now excuse us, we have some catching up to do." kisuke started pulling you to his room.
"we might wanna leave before our ears are scarred." chad said, hoping to go home before anything was heard.
"a century apart is a long time, their reunion was so romantic." orihime sighed as they all left the shop.
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cowboyjen68 · 1 year ago
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Hi!!
I just wanted to ask some advice from one butch to another.
I recently got my dream job of being a warden on a nature reserve (and i love it!), while interacting with people there I get called a young man very often (i am 18 lol) and it gives me euphoria to know im masculine enough to even pass as a man. I've also had some volunteers ask if I was a man or not (despite my feminine name).
But recently I got called a "lady" outside while out with my mother. It drove me INSANE I cried alot.
Don't get me wrong I do identify as a woman but I hate being seen as a lady.
I've even thought about using he/him pronouns recently and changing my name but i'm too scared to as most people won't understand bc im still a lesbian.
Is this strange?
ps love u and ur blog lots xx
This is an easy answer because I was 18 once and looked enough like a teenage boy that I got "hey sport" and "hey young man" all the time, especially when in my work clothes. I worked for The Mayor's Youth Corp in Iowa City in the summers of my 15th and 16th year. Mom and Dad let me get a work permit AND bought me a used Datsun Pickup so I could drive myself the 20 miles there and back each day.
I was a volunteer with the Corp of Engineers youth from 14 to 16 and Dad knew I was super excited about this job. Mom was not thrilled that I wanted to cut my hair but my "grand mullet" was really hot under the hard hat in the summer heat of Iowa. (in the 1980's boys and girls had the short in front long and permed in back look) We compromised and I cut the sides really short. (photo of my me at 16 in my uniform for reference)
Using "he" would never have occurred to me because "EWWW Boys". This is not to say, however, that I hated being mistaken for a boy, on the contrary, it felt good. When someone thought I was a young man it meant they treated me as such. They didn't talk down to me, I knew they assumed I was capable and willing to get dirty. I knew unconsiously that along with the mistaken identity came many perks. This was nothing I analyzed but little girls see very early on the difference in treatment they recieve from their brothers, male cousins and neighborhood boys. This difference leads us to become negotiators to control our circumstances and not entittled to treatment based on our skills and actual personalies.
When an adult recognized me as a boy, even for a second at first glance, I knew I didn't have to prove myself. They, for an instant, assigned to me words like "strong, capable, demanding etc". No negotations required.
When someone realized I was a girl they literally had a change in their face. They smiled at me, softened their voice. When I was called "young lady" or "Miss" it always seemed to be backed my the worst assumptions (in my mind anyway). Lady is steeped in all kinds of traits I didnt want assigned to me. "quiet, weak, likes to dress pretty"OR "motherly, submissive, meek" Nothing good in my teen brain, that is for sure. Lady felt so OLD, so married to a man and reliant on him for survival, so polyster pants and ugly flats and scratchy blouses with a flower imprint. NONE of these things are inherent to being a woman or even socially forced on us but that is not how things work sometimes. Words that describe people get stereotypes and myths and traits attached to them all the time. Woman and girl are no different.
I can tell you, the best feeling in the world when I was in that job was when my supervisor, who damn well knew I was a young woman, trusted me with all the same tasks as the boys. Who valued my opinions and abilities equally to the young men. He took time to teach me what I didn't know, just like with them and didn't assume I couldn't or didn't want to learn things on the job. He didn't shame ANYONE for not being strong enough or for getting tired or needing a break.
Don't let the assumptions of others force you into another box of conformity. You don't need a boys name or to use any pronouns you don't feel connected to just to please others. In fact, none of that effort will change perceptions of those around you. I can promise that one day being called Lady will just be another word that you can hear and know it does not change your personality or your interests or control the hope you have for your future. What does waste a lot of time and energy is trying to adjust things in your life to fit incorrect or snap assumptions about you as a person. You can never control the thoughts of those around you but what you can do is stop worrying about it and enjoy YOU.
You have a job you love and are sure to thrive in. You are solid in your sexuality and love of women, you are in a unique position to possibly change the perceptions of others when they think of "young women". Your interactions with the public are sure to effect the assumpions of at least some people when they think of young women and their roles in our society.
Congratulations on your new career and I bet you rock that uniform.
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erwinsvow · 9 months ago
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had the worst day ever😭 i need some shy!reader and rafe
im so sorry baby hope this makes you feel better ♡
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bad days always felt the same—never ending, dragging on and on while you're too tired, bones exhausted and muscles weeping. your head hurts from the overthinking, and though you're hardly one to get mad about silly things, today you are—mad. it must be something you've picked up from your boyfriend.
everything feels unfair, feels wrong or like it's about to go wrong. you can't even describe it if someone were to ask, but you know your boyfriend will ask, and that you need to get an answer ready since he doesn't settle for your silence, even though today you'd really wish he would.
from the morning that started off late to the afternoon that dragged on, the barista that messed up your order and then was rude to you about it, nothing was going your way. the coffee had just been the tipping point—that was the one thing meant to cheer you up.
when you drag your tired body and achy head to tannyhill, you stop to glance in the mirror in the hallway.
this was your tipping point, how messy your hair was, smudged mascara from when you cried in your car outside the coffee shop and the nail you chipped slamming the door. everything sucked, and though rafe always made it better, you didn't even want to see him when you looked like this.
you want to turn around and go home, but your feet still drag you to rafe's bedroom. your brain knows he'll make you feel better, though it takes everything in your willpower to open the door.
"hey, kid. how was your day?" the second he asks, glancing up from his laptop to look up at you, you burst into tears. he rushes over, putting his hands on your shoulders to keep you upright, to calm you down. "woah, what the hell. what's wrong?"
words don't come out, just sobs. you don't think rafe's ever seen you like this before, but it doesn't take him long to bring you into a hug, and you cry against his chest until his shirt is all wet.
"what's goin' on, baby? someone do somethin'? huh?" rafe is a problem solver at his core—but you know there's no one person to blame for today, except maybe yourself. though you wouldn't mind a little roughhousing, you don't think rafe's gonna be open to beating you up. your words come out slurred in a mumble of tears.
you rattle off your day in between sobs, and when he sits you down on his bed, he's a little less concerned because at least you're okay.
"c'mon," he says, and you lean against his shoulder. "get it all out and then y'can take a hot shower. i'll get dinner. s'gonna be fine."
though you're not saying many words, and a part of you had thought he'd be upset that you cry over every little thing, everything rafe says and does makes you feel better. when you sniffle, moving to wipe your tears, he holds your face in his hands, running a thumb across your cheek to wipe them away. you lean into his hand.
"s-sorry about your shirt."
"don't worry 'bout that, kid. you feelin' better?"
"a little."
"c'mon, clothes off. let's go shower. water as hot as you want it." you perk up, even laughing a little—rafe thinks the water you use will scald your skin.
"really?" you question, smiling up at him.
"really."
"thanks, rafe."
"yeah." he follows you to the shower, and though it didn't take many words or much time, you feel better already.
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megumismyhusband · 14 days ago
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haii, can i request oliver aiku angst/comfort fic? i need this man😖
i hate aiku with my entire life so im not the best at writing him but here u go! ive also never written angst before sooo...i hope its not terrible
It started small, like most arguments do.
“I don’t understand why you can’t even text back,” you said, crossing your arms as you stood in the middle of Oliver’s apartment. “It’s not like I’m asking for hours of your time—just a text. Something.”
He sighed, running a hand through his messy hair. He looked tired, the dark circles under his eyes telling the story of too many late nights and early mornings. “I told you, I’ve been busy,” he muttered, avoiding your gaze.
“Busy?” you repeated, your voice rising slightly. “You always say that, Oliver. But I’m starting to wonder if you’re too busy for this—for us.”
At that, his jaw tightened, and he finally looked at you. His dark eyes, usually so warm, were hard, unreadable. “Maybe I am.”
The words hit you like a punch to the gut. “What?”
He exhaled sharply, his hands falling to his sides. “I don’t have the time, alright? Between practice, games, traveling, interviews… I barely have time to sleep, let alone keep up with everything you expect from me.”
You took a step back, his words cutting deeper than you’d anticipated. “Everything I expect from you? All I’ve ever wanted is for you to show me that I matter. That we matter.”
“I’m trying!” he snapped, his voice louder than you’d ever heard it. “But it’s not enough, is it? Nothing I do is ever enough for you!”
You flinched, his anger leaving you momentarily speechless.
He ran a hand over his face, frustration etched into every line. “Look, I’ve been thinking about this for a while,” he said, his voice quieter now but no less sharp. “And maybe… maybe this isn’t working. Maybe we aren’t working.”
Your heart dropped. “You’re seriously saying that right now?”
“I don’t want to hurt you, but I can’t keep pretending I can balance everything when I can’t. I don’t have the time, and it’s not fair to you.”
“Not fair to me?” you echoed, your voice trembling. “So, what? Your solution is to just… give up?”
His silence was answer enough.
You stared at him, waiting—hoping—for him to take it back, to say something that would make this all make sense. But he didn’t. He just stood there, his arms limp at his sides, his face an unreadable mask.
“Fine,” you said, your voice cracking. “If that’s how you feel, then I won’t waste any more of your precious time.”
You grabbed your bag and walked out before he could see the tears spilling down your cheeks.
Weeks passed, each one heavier than the last. You told yourself you were moving on, but the ghost of Oliver lingered in everything you did. The empty side of the bed, the late-night silence that replaced his voice, the way your heart ached whenever you heard his name.
But what you didn’t know was that Oliver was struggling too.
At first, he thought he’d made the right decision. Breaking things off would give him the space to focus on his career, to get his life in order. But the silence of his apartment quickly became unbearable. The things he once found comfort in—soccer, his teammates, the rush of a goal—felt hollow without you to share them with.
He missed the way you smiled when he walked through the door, the way you teased him after a game, the way you made his chaotic life feel just a little more grounded.
One night, he sat alone on the couch, staring at the empty spot where you used to curl up beside him. The realization hit him like a freight train: he’d pushed away the best thing in his life because he was scared of failing you.
And now, he was failing himself.
The next day, he showed up at your door.
You opened it hesitantly, your heart pounding at the sight of him. He looked different—his hair disheveled, his usual confidence replaced by something raw, almost vulnerable.
“Oliver?” you said, your voice cautious.
“Hey,” he said softly, his hands shoved into his jacket pockets. His dark eyes searched yours, and for a moment, he just stood there, as if he didn’t know where to start. “I… I messed up.”
You raised an eyebrow, crossing your arms defensively. “Yeah, I think we established that.”
He winced but nodded. “I know. And I’ve been thinking about it every day since you walked out that door.” He hesitated, his throat working as he swallowed hard. “I was wrong, alright? About everything. I thought letting you go would make things easier, but it didn’t. It just made me realize how much I need you.”
“Oliver…”
“I’m sorry,” he interrupted, his voice trembling. “I’m so sorry for what I said, for how I made you feel. You deserve better than that. And I don’t care how busy I am—I’ll make time for you. For us. Just… please, give me another chance.”
You stared at him, your heart warring with your head. Part of you wanted to slam the door, to make him feel the same hurt you’d felt. But the other part—the part that still loved him—could see the sincerity in his eyes.
“You really hurt me, Oliver,” you said quietly, your voice cracking.
“I know,” he whispered. “And I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you if you let me.”
Silence stretched between you, heavy with unspoken words. Finally, you sighed, your shoulders sagging. “You can come in. We can talk.”
Relief washed over his face, and for the first time in weeks, you saw a glimmer of the man you’d fallen in love with.
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ihfmseatsoch · 29 days ago
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ok ok ok so if i may be so bold as to request something, ive been enamored wiht the idea of an older, controlling, borderline abuse boyfriend jimmy, like he and reader live together on earth, and reader goes to college, while jimmy works physical jobs trying to support them both. he's a SHITTY person though, so hes jealous of any man the reader talks to, reads through their phone, makes sinde comments about their weight and appearance, and (im totally not projecting here) eventually pressures them into dropping out, for like his perfect little live in partner/gf fantasy sjdhasd feel free to do whatever with this, but this specific scenario has not left my head for days
WHEEE this was fun to write ^w^ i rushed this a bit but i just didnt want you to have to wait any longer... :p
Jimmy Zare x fem!reader
reader uses fem terms (girl, girlfriend)
genre: how do i categorize this.... fic that makes you feel bad or horny depending on how you handle verbal abuse lol
word count: 1.8k
warnings/content: age gap, domestic abuse, manipulation, arguing, fat shaming, several references to the readers body/appearance, jimmy being the biggest asshole oh my god i hate him (i want him so bad it makes me look stupid)
(is it bad that writing about jimmy yelling at me turns me on... WOAHHH who said that .....😰 also dont kill me for the weight shaming part IM A FAT GIRL !!!!!! i like when evil men are mean to me !!!!!! RAAAH)
"He's a good guy, he can actually be really sweet!"
That's a sentence you find yourself saying out of complete muscle memory at this point whenever someone questions why your boyfriend–... well, they question an awful lot about your boyfriend.
For example, why he's over twenty years your senior whilst you're still going to class on the weekdays. Why he doesn't allow you to see your friends, wear certain clothes, leave your apartment without him, and why he takes up so much space in your brain, completely distracting you from your own life and goals.
You've missed at least four assignments this semester alone. It's stupid, really. You thought you'd be done with obsessing and crying over boys after you graduated highschool. It's completely immature for a so-called adult like yourself, but then again, you're hardly into adulthood at all.
Jimmy, on the other hand, has a lot more life experience, many of those experiences negative. That might be why you've taken some form of pity on him, going so far as to move into his apartment so you can take care of him when you're not busy. He needs someone to make sure he doesn't fall off the deep end.
The thing is, it's become hard to fit him in your schedule, but whenever you're unable to make time for him after he comes home from work, that familiar scowl on his face indicating it was another shitty day, he throws a fit.
He'll accuse you of everything under the sun; Infidelity being the primary thing.
"You don't love me. There's someone else, isn't there? It's that one kid that asked you to help him 'study' last week, isn't it? No? Give me your fucking phone, then."
This is what you come home to everyday, so it's nothing new. In fact, you're pretty used to it by now. Though today, Jimmy seems particularly pissed.
"Where have you been?" He crosses his arms and leans against the wall, eyeing you up and down like he always does when he's about to grill you on something.
"Sorry..." You mutter, way too tired to deal with one of his moods again. "Traffic." You answer simply, not having enough energy to overexplain yourself like you normally do.
"Uh huh. Traffic." He mimics you in a way that already tells you he's not buying it. Great.
"...It's the truth." You shrink into yourself at the way he's looking at you. Contemptuous as always. You're in for another argument, it seems. A million, desperate pleas run through your mind;
'Please don't give me another lecture about how you're my only financial support, and how grateful I should be. Please don't ask to see my phone. Please don't tell me to drop out.'
But, of course, you can't actually change the outcome of this. You're gonna get yelled at. Belittled. Degraded.
"You're two hours late, and you're gonna tell me you were just stuck in traffic?" He pushes himself off the wall and walks towards you.
"You're never home when you're supposed to be, and when you are home, you're all tired and upset.” He pokes a finger into your shoulder, hard. "What do you think that looks like from my point of view?"
"I'm sorry." You rub your face, exasperated. God, you wish he would shut up sometimes. Sure, he can be amicable, but lately... he's been a raging dick. Yet, you can't help but cling to the memory of his good moments. "I'll try to make it back on time tomorrow."
"Yeah? And how many times have I heard that before?" He sneers, "You're hiding something from me, aren't you?"
The way he accuses you so confidently, so sure of himself... it's insulting. Does he really think that little of you? "College has been kicking my ass, Jim. You know that. I'm not hiding anything from you, okay?"
"Yeah, yeah, college this, college that. Always complaining about fuckin' college," He scoffs, his eyes stay narrowed, still glaring. "How about what I'm going through? You think I'm having a great time every day at work, hm?"
"No, I–" You stammer, hating the way he's turning this around to make himself the victim. Oh, woe is him, having to provide for himself and his girlfriend. How tortured he is. "I know, alright? I'm sorry. I just– what else do you expect me to do?"
"Be here. Like you're supposed to be. And I expect you to stop acting like I'm the bad guy for asking you to be a decent girlfriend."
Jimmy's voice raises slightly as he takes a step closer, towering over your sheepish figure. He nudges your shoulder again, even rougher this time.
"I'm busting my ass every day to put food on the table, and you can't even have the decency to show up on time, let alone look happy to see me?"
"I– I am happy to see you! I am, I'm just– you don't get it. I want to be here, but... I'm not even halfway through this semester, and–" You stumble over your words as you attempt, in vain, to defend yourself. It's not like he'll ever feel sympathy for you. It's always about what he wants. What makes him happy.
Jimmy rolls his eyes at your attempt to reason with him. It's as if he doesn't even register a word you say. "But what? What's more important to you, huh? Some stupid classes, or the guy who keeps a fuckin' roof over your head and feeds you? Be grateful, goddamn it." He snaps, grabbing your arms and giving them a forceful shake.
You flinch from being handled like you're not even a human being, much less one with feelings. "Stop, please, I'm– I am grateful, I really am..." You're not lying, either. To be honest, his guilt tripping works wonders on you. Are you really acting unappreciative? He wouldn't be this upset if you were in the right...
He seems unfazed by your frightened demeanor and continues to hold a firm grip on your arms. He looks you up and down, not even having to say anything for you to know he's judging you, as a girlfriend and person in general.
"Oh, you're grateful? Then maybe you should act like it for once." Jimmy gives your arms another firm shake, a harsh reminder of who's in charge here.
"I'm not asking much of you. I just want you to be here, and you can't even do that. Do you think I'm just gonna sit back and accept that bullshit?"
"No..." You shake your head, looking down at the ground in shame. Were you really that awful? You didn't want to be a bad partner, it's the last thing you ever wanted. If you could make eye contact without feeling guilty, you'd see Jimmy's face light up with satisfaction as he finally notices you're not even bothering to put up a fight anymore.
There's a condescending lilt to his tone as he speaks, "No one will ever love you like I do. You know that?"
You nod, knowing there has to be some truth to his claim. He takes care of you, doesn't he? He keeps a roof over your head, gives you money for groceries, and he's not always that unpleasant to be around...
He's a good boyfriend. You're the problem. You always are.
"Exactly."
The grip on your arms eases, moving them to place a hand on each of your shoulders, contrastingly gentle compared to his behavior only moments ago.
"You oughta thank your lucky stars you have a man like me who puts up with all your bullshit. You get that, right? How lucky you are to be with me?"
You know he's right. You were blessed with someone who still loves you, despite your many shortcomings. You're too fat, the acne on your face and body is repulsive, the way you do your makeup is weird... all of this being things Jimmy has told you directly. At least you have an honest boyfriend, isn't that what every girl wants?
He gives your shoulder a pat, like he's treating you like a small, petulant child. "You realize I could have literally any girl I want, right? Pretty, skinny, smart ones, even. But I chose you. Because I care about you."
He pauses, letting that sink in.
"But it would help if you'd actually put the effort in to look decent." He adds as an afterthought.
You've internalized every single snide remark he's thrown your way, reminded of them every single time you look in the mirror. Yet he still loves someone like you. Someone so difficult and embarrassing to be with.
"Jim, I don't... I don't know how I'm even gonna be able to free my schedule at all with school and stuff..." You mumble guiltily. You know he wants you to drop out, he's suggested it more times than you can count.
"That right there, that's why I'm frustrated, goddamn it," He says with an exacerbated sigh. He moves one hand from your shoulder to pinch the bridge of his nose in annoyance. "Why don't you get it? Dropping out isn't the end of the world. Just quit and stay home. Done. Easy."
"It's not that easy... I want to get a good job and help out too, you know..."
It's true that you want to pull your weight around your shared home. With your combined income, it'd make everything easier. But... with how shitty college makes you feel, leaving you beaten down and tired by the end of the day...
You find yourself listening to Jimmy on this for once.
He can tell you're seriously contemplating it this time, which makes him feel... more in control. He's got you thinking and believing exactly what he wants you to. Soon, he'll be able to get you to obey him without another word from you.
The thought of having you as his subservient, stay at home girlfriend is more than appealing. It's his goal to mold you into what he wants you to be.
"Yeah, yeah, I get that, I know. But you're stressing yourself half to death, and for what? Some stupid degree? Listen to me, I'm not gonna ask you again. You're just creating problems that don't need to exist. Just quit. You'll have plenty of free time that you can spend with me."
You can't deny how tempting the idea is. Hesitantly, after several moments of pondering the hypotheticals and what-ifs, you speak up,
"...I guess... dropping out wouldn't hurt too much."
He perks up at that, barely being able to contain a delighted grin. You're actually putting him and his wants first, and acknowledging that he's right. You're doing as he says, without any of the usual arguing or excuses. He'll finally have his dream complaisant, docile girlfriend to come home to every night.
It only took a month or two to finally get you to cave. You'll be easier to control from now on. Hell, maybe you'll lose some weight with some free time on your hands, stop wearing that shitty makeup...
"Good girl," He says in a patronizing tone, like he's addressing a child, "That's what wanna hear."
God, you really hope this isn't a bad idea. Jimmy looks pleased for once, so...
This decision can't possibly ruin your future too badly, right?
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knoxic · 1 year ago
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A kiss may ruin a human life.
Oscar Wilde
-Masterlist- part 1 / part 2 / part 3 / part 4
wc: 2,1k
warnings: miscommunications (but really there's almost no communication at all), self deprecating thoughts, mentions of death, ptsd, insomnia, anxiety, grief(?), angst,
i think that's it but please let me know if there's anything else!
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a/n: this work implies that Hotch heard Haley's last breath. timeline is around season 6-7 but it doesn't really matter. this is heavily based on my own experience from death and hearing someone's last breath. Hotch is a little out of character but it'll get better i promise, this was supposed to be something just for myself but i decided to post it, that being said, im already writing part 2!
no use of y/n!
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He was distant. 
He kept avoiding you, every day, even when you got back to the hotel and had no other choice but to be around each other, he showered and said some casual phrases that could damn well be said to a stranger.
You tried to understand, he was stressed and haven't slept well in days but, fuck, wasn't it happening to everyone else? And they weren't avoiding you...
Asking if he wanted something to eat or if he wanted that shitty coffee just got you a cold and empty answer. "No, thanks.", "I've had enough for today, thank you.", "I'll just finish some files," and etc. Sure he was polite, you don't think Hotch could be rude even if he wanted to, at least not with someone he was close to, but he was always so gentle and warm, had you done something to make him mad?
It started off just as every other day started, a new case in a city you've never been to before. Sharing a room with your boss meant a different routine than if you shared with anyone else in the team, late nights and early mornings, the sound of pen scratching paper being the first thing you heard when waking up and the last when you were drifting off, you wondered if he even slept at all.
The answer was no, he barely ever slept during a case, especially if he could hear you breathing all night. 
He was scared, scared it would happen again. It was unrealistic and he knew, it happened too many times already, but twice like that was terrifying.
Terrifying to the point he was paralyzed, every night you whispered that sweet "Good night, Hotch." and it flipped the switch, he would now spend the night awake to make sure that you would tell him "Good morning, Hotch" in a gentle yet strong voice. That whisper sounded enough like the gasp he heard that one time, and it always immediately set off every trigger he had of that unfortunate day.
Every night he spent with you in the same room he tried to distract himself enough not to hear your steady breaths, finishing random files that weren't so important and sometimes even going as far as writing them twice. When he got tired enough to pass out, he would lie down and hope that the second his head hit the uncomfortable pillow he would be asleep. 
It never happened.
He kept listening. You sometimes tossed and turned in your sleep, and he knew it meant you were probably having nightmares but it always soothed his mind. If you were moving it meant you were still alive, and the rustling of the sheets downed out the agonizing sound of your breath.
Sometimes he slept, but even when he did, he kept listening, gunshots echoed inside his head, his aching hands clad with blood holding her body, the sound... the horrific, terrifying, agonizing sound of her last breath.
He thought it had stopped, he has triggers of course but, it wasn't always that they were set off like this, usually it happened sometimes when Jack slept on his chest and that meant carrying him to bed, but he normally allowed himself a bit of self care and went to his own room, close enough from his child to hear if he called but far enough to not hear his steady breaths. Being stuck in a hotel room did not allow him that. He tried soundproof headphones after the second night they spent together a couple years ago, he quickly figured it was somehow more agonizing than being able to hear.
Now three days into the case, he was desperate for a night alone, to drown in complete silence and darkness. Thankfully, yet not what he wanted, you had gone to Emily's room to discuss something, he didn't know what it was and apparently you didn't care enough to tell him, or you just didn't want him to know.
He held himself from sprinting to bed right after you left the room, surely it wouldn't look so good if you were to come back because you forgot something or for any other reason, he let a couple minutes pass by, anxiously so, before he got up to take the fastest shower he could manage and jumped into bed, he almost decided against clothes before reminding himself that sooner or later you would come back. It took more time than he'd like but finally he was drifting off, quicker than expected.
"Emily..." you whimpered.
"Come on... it's Hotch," she rested a hand on your shoulder, "he's probably just going through something. I heard him tell Rossi last week that Jack was having some troubles in school, it might be that, right?"
"Yeah, but I feel like..." Emily was the only one who knew about your confusing feelings for Hotch and still you hesitated, "I feel like it's something else... he's been avoiding me and rarely looks me in the eye when we talk."
Emily went silent for a few seconds, looking away and seemed to be deciding carefully what to say.
"Listen, you know I love you and support anything you do, but..." oh God "You should talk to him, not me."
"I came to you exactly because I don't want to talk to him, even if I tried I don't think he would answer." You gave her the most pleading puppy eyes you could manage. 
"There's only one way to find out, honey."
After a few more minutes of licking your wounds you gathered yourself enough to face Aaron, walking a little too fast to your shared room just to make sure you wouldn't have time to back down and run back to Emily. Thinking too many things and nothing at all just to distract yourself you ended up opening the door loudly, scaring yourself when the lights were off and you could barely make out the person under the blankets.
Did you really just open a random door? Fuck! 
In your panic state your eyes caught a glimpse of Aaron's bag close to his bed, some files slipped out from it when he drastically dropped it earlier. Without realizing, you slipped into the room and closed the door quieter than you had opened it, unsure if Aaron was indeed asleep or if he was pretending just so he wouldn't have to talk to you, a shower seemed to be the best thing to do.
It was weird, a part of you knew he was tired, and going to sleep without someone else in the room is sometimes a lot easier, but, the bigger part of you kept thinking that he was doing this just to avoid you, to not have to force out a "Good night." when both of you knew it wasn't good for him, and it hurt.
Shower was indeed a good thing, the warm water doing wonders to your aching muscles and the sound of the water running was a good background for your mind to organize your thoughts. That same sound was what Aaron woke up to.
Looking around searching for what had woken him, he saw the light coming from the bathroom, the door didn't close all the way sometimes, you had to close it hard and he supposed you didn't want to make noise. He searched for his phone to check the time, see how long it took you to come back, but in his hustle earlier he had forgotten to pick up his phone, wherever it was he didn't feel like getting up to search for it.
In his sleepy state he had turned to watch the door, not really paying attention to what he was looking out for until he got a glimpse of you wrapping a towel around your body, he hadn't even that noticed the sound of the water had stopped, snapping himself out of whatever this was he turned away from the door, right before he saw the light getting brighter and your quiet barefoot steps getting closer, a zipper being opened, rustle of fabric and the zipper being closed, steps again but this time going away and the room getting darker again.
It didn't take long for you to come back, he could smell the soap you always used, it only took him a couple days sharing a room and a bathroom with you to know that every soap and perfume you used smelled mostly the same.
It almost physically pained him to not be able to smell it directly from your skin, he had hugged you and stood close enough to smell your perfume he knew it wasn't the same as your fresh out of the shower scent. It already smelled so comforting from this far, he was certain he'd go insane if he ever got the chance to hug you like this, out of any police department or hospital smell, just you. 
He was so lost in thought he hadn't realized you had already settled in bed.
"Good night, Hotch..." he heard you whisper, so quietly he almost missed it, it made his heart stutter and beat faster.
Did you know he was awake? Did you see him looking at you through the open door? He didn't see anything but the skin of your arms! Should he answer? No. Stop it, idiot.
You turned again, again and again. The mattress was hard, the blanket kept scratching your bare legs, the pillow made you feel like a stone would be comfier, not to mention the discomfort of having your mind tell you how uncomfortable Aaron must be that he even went to bed earlier just so he wouldn't have to see you. You must be so pathetic to even have wished him a good night when he clearly didn't want you here–
"Are you okay?" There it was, his husky voice, he was sleeping and you disturbed him. 
"Uh–yeah, sorry to wake you up." Wow, that came out so weak, he definitely thinks you're pathetic.
The sound of his body turning and his voice right beside your ear made you shiver. 
"You keep tossing and turning, your breath is faster than normal," he sighed. "So I'll ask again, are you okay?" It's now or never.
"Have you–you've been avoiding me." You could hear Emily's voice saying it wasn't so hard was it?
"No I haven't." That came out way too fast to be true, Hotchner.
"Yes you have, and you can barely even look at me when we're alone, you give me empty words and talk better to a rookie you'll never see again," you were rambling but now there was no way you would stop. "If I did something to upset you, please tell me. Because, I can profile you but I cannot read your mind yet, and I can't apologize if I don't know what I did wrong." 
"I-" God, you were so self deprecating. "I'm sorry I made you feel that way, you did nothing wrong." He spoke in a weirdly soft voice.
"That–that doesn't make me feel better..."
"I'm sorry... it's... not something you did..." Well, if you were talking then he should too, "It's you."
A couple seconds passed, they felt like minutes.
Your heart dropped, "What?" It couldn't be... you knew you weren't perfect but, to know your mind was right yet again felt... nauseous.
"Wait! wait," he was sitting up now, back to the headboard, making a calm down gesture with his hands, he did that once with a child, to make them stop their rambling, you really were pathetic.
"Not you, I meant... Fuck, it's complicated."
Now that you were already broken, you might as well just finish this, end what made you anxious for once, even if it meant losing your hopes of being with him.
Your breath was harder and lost its rhythm. You could be going into a panic attack right now but Aaron was relieved, after hearing the way your voice got so... pained, he thought he ended this, that you would get up and leave him. The memories came back in a rush that made him dizzy, but you were still here, and breathing hard, unlike the breath Haley–
"Then tell me, unless you have something else to do at 2am. I think we have enough time, tell me. Whatever it is, I'm sure it's not as complicated as what we had going on." Your voice was steady, no longer panicked and embarrassed like someone who just got rejected by their crush, that was the voice of a person who took down serial killers for a living, who could damn well talk face to face with him if they were to fight. Now he felt small, he could tower over you if you two were standing up but he knew you were the bigger person.
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ilwonuu · 11 months ago
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. '•.¸♡ sweet kiss ♡¸.•'
↴ hansol vernon chwe
‧₊˚✩彡‧₊˚✩彡‧₊˚✩彡‧₊˚✩彡‧₊˚✩彡‧₊˚✩彡‧₊˚✩彡
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᯽ summary- one of your not so close friends asks to be kiss you at one of your friends parties.
᯽ warnings- fluffy, kissing, some heavy petting, strangers ish to lovers, seokmin interupts, lmk what else!!!
᯽ authors note- happy birthday vernon!!!! i love him so much. (also look out for a seokmin fic today<3) lmk if you want another part/parts!!!! also so sorry about these fics coming out today i know it’s technically not late but i wanted to posted them yesterday </3
⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘
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you are currently sitting in the living room of seokmin’s party. you’re not having best time that you had intended. you quickly looking around for the boy. you feel a soft hand on your shoulder causing you to turn around.
“oh my gosh vernon you scared me!” you laugh at his straight face and the half smile he’s giving you. “sorry. i just saw you alone. where did seokmin go?” he asks you. you shrug in response. “i don’t know. i went to grab another drink and came back he was nowhere to be found.” you taking another sip of your drink.
“well if you wanted i can stay with you until you find him.” he smiles at you. you nod following him into the backyard of seokmin’s house. there isn’t many people out here. you calming down from all the energy inside.
“you seem tired.” he observes you as you sit next to him by the pool. “i am a little. i think the alcohol just isn’t my friend.” he doesn’t say anything for a moment. “i get that. a lot actually. i don’t really drink that much but i smoke. which is definitely worse in a way.”
he doesn’t say it in a jokingly way. you laugh anyways. his expression making it hard for you not to smile. “i like smoking too. drinking is usually fun. i just always get sick.”
“me too. that’s why i stopped. it’s lame plus weed is more fun. at least for me.” he pulls out his half smoked blunt. he lights it taking a couple hits before offering it to you. you smile at his gesture taking it from him. you take a few hits passing it back to him. “why haven’t we done this before it’s nice.” he has moved a little closer to you now. causing your face to heat up.
“yea i agree also you have pretty good company.” you lay your head back. he smiles to himself. “can i ask you something kinda um- bold?” you smile at his words looking up over at him again. “yea anything.” you mutter to him giving him a quick smile sitting up completely facing him.
“can i kiss you? i kind of- i really want to kiss you.” you don’t expect his words at first. you comply easily. wanting to kiss him now as well. “yea? okay-“ he moves so he his grabbing your face. he pulls you in slowly. kissing you softly. both of your slow kisses turning into desperate kisses.
his hand that was against your cheek is now moving down your body gently. he pulls away from your kiss. “is this okay?” you just nod pulling him back into the kiss. he lips are immediately moving with yours. he is his immediately addicted to your lips.
the two of you are completely forgetting about the other people outside with you. you guys don’t care. it’s just too good.
is this actually as good it feels in the moment? or are you just desperate? probably thoughts you shouldn’t be having while making out with him. i think you’re high is kicking in.
his hand is going underneath you shirt to the back of you bra. you pull away from the kiss. “is this okay?” he asks again. you take off your bra while keeping eye contact with him. you are pulling him back to kiss you whispering a quick. “yes vernon..” he smirking slightly into the kiss moving his hand to cup your breasts before the two of your make of sesh is interrupted.
of course it’s seokmin and all he can do is laugh. “you guys were about to fuck if i didn’t come over here im assuming?” he looks at you for an answer but vernon answers quickly. “um if she wanted but that’s not the point you left her for a while. she was looking for you..” he just smiles. “well im here now!! sorry was a bit distracted. i can still take you home y/n.”
you look over at vernon and then look at yourself and how unorganized you must look to them. should you go home?
you decided against leaving with seokmin deciding to walk to vernons when you two were ready.
“whatever you say. have fun!! use protection please!” seokmin hugs you before going back into the house. vernon is already rolling another blunt for the two of you. “i had fun tonight. i know you’re now leaving yet but i just wanted to say.” he looks away from you. you think his awkwardness was cute. too cute that is.
the barely had met the boy already knowing he wouldn’t be a stranger for you. everything about him was attractive. you had a hard time focusing. he was such a sweet boy. his lips, his lips were so sweet. his kisses were sweet and gentle against you. he never denied any of your kisses.
you wanted him so bad already.
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mikaela-the-slut-expert · 1 year ago
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hello hello i’m so glad you’re feeling better!🥹
i have another cute idea!! can i get headcanons of hualian being parents/father figures to child reader who’s just a ball of love? they admire and look up to them both, too! what would hualian be like?
i saw in your request page that you don’t do adult x child, and i genuinely don’t know if this counts. if it does, im so sorry!
once again, im glad you’re feeling better, no one likes to be sick!
☀️ anon
Parental Headcanons
HuaLian with Child!reader
*THIS IS NOT HUALIAN X READER!!! THESE ARE PARENTAL HEADCANONS
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Sorry if it took a minute, and no this doesn't count😙 because you aren't asking me to ship them with a kid. Just parental Headcanons so you're fine🖤🖤
Takes place after book ends
I don't quite remember but I could've sworn Shi Qingxuan was in the human realm by the end of the book because of cough cough beefleaf
Ignore grammar mistakes
____________________________________
When Xie Lian and Hua Cheng find you they immediately take you in.
Well Xie Lian immediately takes you in
He holds you up like a stray cat and asks "Can we please keep him!?"
Hua Cheng can't say no to Xie Lian so he says yes
Hua Cheng quickly warms up to you as well.
He can't not like you. You're a ball of love and all you want is affection and praise
Xie Lian and Hua Cheng try to look into where or what happened to your parents but find nothing
That's fine they'll take care of you!
You're still a human child though so you definitely have some growing to do
Because of this Hua Cheng has started making food
As much as he loves Xie Lian and would eat his food any day, you cannot
Xie Lian loves his domestic male wife though so it's fine.
They love on you a lot
Xie Lian likes to dress you up in fancy clothes and hairpins
He loves taking care of you, brushing your hair and putting you to bed
Xie Lian has never been able to ignore children especially children who remind him of himself or Hua Cheng
Xie Lian takes you up to the heavens sometimes
You've made friends with Feng Xin, and Mu Qing
Feng Xin tries to teach you how to fight and martial arts but Mu Qing won't have it.
He says you're too little to deal with that yet.
Mu Qing didn't have the best childhood so even if your parent is Hua Cheng he absolutely spoils you
In the human realm you've made friends with Shi Qingxuan
You hang around Shi Qingxuan a lot actually
Xie Lian hasn't seen the man happy in such a long time so whenever you need babysat he leaves you with Shi Qingxuan
For your human life and Shi Qingxuan's human life you two will be very close
Hua Cheng will take you around ghost city sometimes
Also sicks you on He Xuan sometimes.
He Xuan pretends to be absolutely tired of you but he does like you
Carries you around and lets you play around in his waters or with the ghost fishies
The ghosts love you, if not more then their Chengzhu
They've taken a liking to calling you Little Chengzhu
While Xie Lian loves you very much, Hua Cheng absolutely spoils you rotten
He'll give you anything you want, and he continues to do so
Even with anything at your fingertips you remain a ball of love and stay humble so Hua Cheng can't help it
You've gained many friends but you've also gained some enemies
You're the adopted kid of the two most powerful men of course you're going to be a target.
Not that you have to worry. Xie Lian or Hua Cheng are always by your side
Hua Cheng will kill for you and has killed for you
🤷
Adopting you has also given them many cute moments
For instance, when you were trying to get Xie Lian's attention once. You had been patting on his legs and tugging softly on his robes
Xie Lian was going to answer you in a moment he really was but he was trying to do something
Immediately pays attention to you when you had called him 'Baba'
Tears up
Is so happy, he picks you up and runs to Hua Cheng.
"Listen San Lang! Tell San Lang what you called me!"
"Baba"
Grins from ear to ear. Xie Lian is so happy with this and even happier when you take up calling Hua Cheng 'Baba' too.
Another cute moment is when you pick up drawing.
You tend to copy your parents and you recently have decided to copy Hua Cheng's artistic practices
You draw them a lot of pictures and they get hung up on the walls of Paradise Manor
They weren't expecting you to have so many of their traits because well- technically you aren't theirs but you've picked up their traits anyways
Like Hua Cheng's bad writing.
Xie Lian immediately puts you in calligraphy lesson with your baba. No way is he going to let that bad writing be a habit
You've taken up Xie Lian's bad cooking.
You like to make "food" with mud, rocks, and twigs.
They find you cute anyways.
You ended up with the best parents
Xie Lian and Hua Cheng love you so much and the plan to be the best parents they can be.
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genshin-obsessed · 6 months ago
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Hey pocky! Could you do polyamorous hcs with reader, Cyno and Tighnari? I just love those two, and you haven’t wrote poly in a minute, so sorry if this is out of the blue.
(Remember to stay hydrated ✨)
Hiya anon! You’re right, it’s been a while! I hope you like it!
8/1/24: umm idk how long this has just been sitting here completed. Cuz it was down in my drafts.. im really, really sorry anon ;w;
Cyno x Reader x Tighnari
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There was definitely a spark between Cyno and Tighnari. They’ve known each other for a while and so they’re a bit closer.
But there was no relationship, as it was just a close friendship. That is, until they met you. You squeezed in perfectly within their dynamic.
As the two of them got closer with you, that’s when they really started to realize they had feelings for you.
It was the little things, you know? For example, Cyno would feel his heart beat faster and faster every time you laughed at one of his jokes. Or he’d have a greater need to keep you safe.
Tighnari started noticing that no matter how many questions you asked about his work, he would never tire answering them. He never felt irritated or annoyed, instead, he was more than happy to help you out.
There weren’t many jealousy issues. Meaning, you were laughing with someone else and they got angry. They did feel a tad left out, but not jealous, per se. Cyno does find himself wanting to make sure your friends all have true intentions.
It took, maybe a year or so, for both of them to come to terms with their feelings for you. Being as close as they were, the two chose to confide in other another. Which created an awkward situation to say the least.
Both were insistent the other take their chance and that you liked them more anyway. Tighnari figured you’d like someone like Cyno, someone who was extremely serious with his work, but could relax with his friends afterward- almost like a new person. While most people didn't enjoy his jokes, you did and Cyno loved to make you laugh.
Conversely, Cyno thought maybe Tighnari was more your type. Intelligent, a good leader, knowledgeable in the forest and his work and you always seemed more comfortable around him. You would often seek out Tighnari if you were bored or just needed a friend to hang out with since Cyno's work took him further away.
Neither came to a meaningful conclusion that day and so they decided to "help" each other out. Unfortunately, this led to both of them distancing themselves from you inadvertently. Cyno wanted you to get with Tighnari and felt the best way was to remove himself. So, he took on more work that took him out into the desert.
Tighnari believed that you should be with Cyno and would often cancel on plans in hopes you’d maybe make some with Cyno instead. He would often ask both you and Cyno to meet him somewhere and just wouldn't show up. While it made his heart hurt for longer than he'd imagine, the idea of you two being happy together brought him some solace.
That went about as swimmingly as you could imagine. Both were unavailable all the time and it just felt so odd. It felt intentional. You gave them the benefit of the doubt in the beginning and just assumed it really was work which was their go-to excuse. Until the day you thought Tighnari was “busy with work” and found him at the bar with Kaveh!
Oh, that was so uncomfortable and he tried to wiggle away a little, admittedly. It didn't wokr and... that’s when Tighnari explained that he wanted to give you a chance with Cyno- and unfortunately, had to confess on Cyno’s behalf which he felt so terrible for. It wasn’t his place to tell you how Cyno felt, but it was why he was avoiding you.
You asked about him- what he felt and he bashfully admitted he, too, felt something for you. He tried to make it seem like it was just a little playground crush, but you could tell it was full blown love. You decided all three of you needed to talk together. You hunted down Cyno and basically demanded he meet with you and Tighnari and he did without hesitation.
You confessed that you had feelings for both of them and didn’t really want to choose. They were both stunned and stumbled on their words, unsure of what to say.
It took a bit of talking but at the end of it, both Cyno and Tighnari were ok with you either picking one of them… or being with both of them. You, of course, went with the latter.
This relationship was mainly with you and not as much Cyno and Tighnari. So, for the most part Cyno and Tighnari were just “sharing” you. A term they’re not the biggest fan of. It took some time before the two realized their feelings for one another.
According to them, they originally felt something but assumed it was just their friendship. Like yanno… they were super closer.
But after being with you though- knowing they were romantically attracted to you- they started realizing their feelings for one another were extremely similar. For example, Cyno wanted to kiss you all the time and he wanted to kiss Tighnari all the time. But he wouldn't kiss Kaveh and that let him know it wasn't just a normal friendship.
So, this led to them talking about trying out a relationship with one another as well. That went extremely well, actually. Though, they still find themselves doting on you the most.
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hobisstar · 1 year ago
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blue | y!taehyung x fem!reader
summary: breaking up over difficult reasons was always tuff to handle. Everyone had their different ways with dealing with them. But, Taehyung wasn’t everyone, and he be damned if the love of his life thought it was okay to say such a thing.
warning: nothing too bad! light cursing, a little bit of angst, Taehyung is a little bit of a manipulator in this, tae is a painter in this. possessiveness.
tag list: none!
a/n: Hello! i’ve been on a role but this one will be short! just wanted to get an idea out before i go to bed! if you like this short one, let me know if i should make a longer version of it! enjoy!
disclaimer: as always, i do not intend to say that anyone i write open are actually like this. this is purely fiction and i would like to only keep it that way.
Blue.
the color that y/n thought explained her relationship deeply. it was the color that she picked out in each apartment she shared with her lover, Taehyung.
She loved him… at the start. she really did. But once his career started to take off, he changed and for the worst. he constantly was coming home late after hang out with some painters, constantly smelling like someone else’s perfume, constantly sleeping in on days that the both of them planned to go out and see the world, see the blue.
this time, it was the last straw. taehyung had come back at 3 am with some girl and a guy that was carrying him inside. she promised herself that in the morning she would leave and never return. tired of living the life of a famous man’s forgotten girlfriend.
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morning comes and y/n was awaken by the smell of coffee and breakfast but also by the sound of smooth jazz playing. She assumed Tae was in one of his many paintings moods. When he was hungover, coffee and painting was his remedy. Always came up with a beautiful painting that he described as “ lady” who he said always was made in the thoughts of Y/N.
as she got up, took a shower and did her daily morning routine, she remembered her promise. This ends today, now, right now. Yes, she loves him or loved him. But she couldn’t continue to live like this anymore.
She walked to the closet and grabbed the nearest duffel bag and packed most off her clothes shoes and under garments. Lucky for her, her best friend lived not too far from here and always offered her home to her.
Once everything was packed she was heading down the huge staircase and realized that Tae must of been in the kitchen painting this time. She put everything of hers in her car and walked back in ready to end this, no matter what he said, Y/N was completely leaving.
She walked into the kitchen hearing the sweet deep hums of her now mentally but not physically ex boyfriend. His back facing her, she cleared her voice.
“ Tae, do you remember anything about last night?” she asked sitting at the island. “ No, All i remember is that Jimin and Amy carried me home last night. Im sorry, Mi amor, for coming in so late..” he said smiling lightly. he was truly sorry even if it didn’t show. That was Taehyung.
his answers seemed cold, heartless even, but mistaken his love for Y/N. He loves her with his life.
“ Taehyung i can’t do this anymore.” y/n blurted. While still painting Taehyung answered “ Hmm? Do what my dear?” he softly put the paint brush against the canvas. He was painting an image of what their intimacy looked like in art form. Though he had plenty of these paintings, it’s the only thing he would paint after being drunk.
“ Us. Im tired of the drinking, the partying, the coming home at whatever time of night, the ditching me, the canceling dates for the faulty friends of yours. Im tired of sitting in this colorless home when our love is supposed to make it colorful. Im done, Tae. I want to break up.” You stated and took a breath that you didn’t realize you held in. Being this honest felt so refreshing. “ I don’t need your answer, i already packed my things and i’m going to stay with my family for now until i find me a place permanently.” she cut in.
nothing. Taehyung said nothing. but oh he was thinking it. his mind just running on thoughts. he wanted to be okay and accept her choice like a normal human, but he damn sure wasn’t normal. he’s always had the thoughts of locking Y/N up when the day of her maybe wanting to leave came about. he didn’t know it be that fast.
why does she want to leave him so bad? when did y/n have all these issues with his lifestyle? why is it just now coming up? why doesn’t want to talk about it? all of these of examples of what is running through his head. instead of actually letting out a answer, he lets a huff out as he puts his paintbrushes down.
“ Why are you trying to leave?” he asked lowly, “ why is my lifestyle all of a sudden a problem for you?” he just wanted answers. Though he was really trying to add time so he could think about ways to keep her locked her.
He always has bodyguards at their house in the entrance, he could have them bring her bags in and get her car towed. Have them get their food, send out his newest works while he stayed in the house with her. Yeah, he thinks he’ll do exactly that.
“ Trying? oh no Kim, i’m leaving. All of sudden? i’ve mentioned your drinking and party habits plenty of times but you thought i was just nagging you so you ‘mi amor’ d your way out of it,” Y/N stood up and walked out the kitchen to the living room. Taehyung took this time to text his body guards to grab her things out her car, bring them to the back, take her car somewhere far, sell it and put the house on lock down.
He smirked and walked out of the kitchen and stood at the door way between the living room and kitchen, watching her walk to the front door but only to freeze.
Y/N saw the blue light on security system, the light means that the house was on lock down, no way in and no way out, unless you have the code which Taehyung changes every month. He just so happened to had change it earlier this morning. Good choice he was thinking.
“ Taehyung, take off the lock down.” Y/N stated while standing by the door, waiting. He smiled and walked close to her and leaned against the wall.
“ Y/N~, Mi amor~, i find it absolutely entertaining that he had any hope in assuming i was going to let you out this house. You don’t make the choices for us, baby. I do. I decided when you can walk away. And i decided you can’t-“ - “ you can’t force me to stay in here,” “ Cut me off again and i’ll lock you up without any food or water for the next two days until you learn your lesson.” He walked away and sat on the couch organizing the table in front of it.
Y/N was trying to figure out the code. she tried her birthday, nothing, his birthday, nothing, their anniversary, surprise, nothing. “ There is no use, princess.” he turned to look at her. “ It’s not Yeon’s birthday either or the day we got him. You should be a good girl. maybe i’ll let you out early.” he smiled, the smile you used to love.
y/n didn’t expect this. she never thought Tae would do something like this. locking her and hisself in the house for god knows how long? maybe months, maybe years…
“ Let’s go paint something, baby. And don’t be so blue, i won’t hurt you…” he mumbled the last part while staring at her.
Blue.
the color y/n now understands why she thought it was their color. Taehyung always had a way of making her feel stuck. Defeated. Lost with no where to go. he made her feel…
Blue.
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justalittledumb · 7 months ago
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Is it alright I could request a Cookierun: Kingdom?
If you can (only if you want to, no need to answer this request. I repect your boundaries.), then what about....
Headcanons about the five ancient cookies (yandere or not) with a petite yet dainty reader who is The Light of Peace but they always prone to getting sick, looking fatigued or tired all the time. But they always love to work a lot, like they are workaholic. (No gender specified)
*So... Hiya everyone, been a while huh? Sorry for dissapearing, I realy wasn't feeling like writing anything, but i'm back. For now at least lol.
As for this request, I wasn't entirely sure if you wanted the Ancients to be seperate or together, so I did together. Feel free to tell me if you would prefer if they were seperate smaller sets if headcanons for each of ancients. Also since I only realy write yanderes on this blog, those are yandere headcanons, tho I decided to keep it on the lighter side of things.
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🍪 So, let's start things off by saying that they greatly value their friendship and respect how devoted you are to work...
🍪 However, they will not just stand by idly while you overwork yourself. They won't do anything harsh, but all 5 of them will not allow you to push yourself too hard... especialy considering how easy it is for you to get sick!
🍪 Speaking of which, once you do get sick, you can be sure that soon all of them will force you into a bed and practicaly surround you.
🟡 Pure Vanilla would immidiently start working on curing you... Tho he might on porpuse made it take much longer than it needs to... Can you realy blame him? You just look so Cute like this.
🔴 Hollyberry would sit right next to you and start telling stories of her many adventures in Hopes of distracting you from the sickness, and from wanting to work in this state.
⚫ Dark Cacao Cookie would actualy keep his distance, due to not being the best at comforting people. Of course, he isn't just doing nothing, he's actuly making sure that nobody, whoever it might be is foolish enough to try and enter the room you're resting in.
🟠 Golden Cheesee Cookie (she's my fave btw) practicaly buried you in gifts the moment she Had entered the room. Anywhere from expensive clothes (matching hers, duh) to high quality plushies, she spared no expenses on them! After all, you only deserve the best!
⚪ White Lilly... Oh boy. Shes always somewhat clingy, but once you get sick, her already extreme tendencies increase by tenfold. She's phisicaly attached to you, keeping you in tight embrace. She does NOT care that she might also get sick from being do close to you. And even if she did get sick, sharing the same illnes as you is romantic in a way, isn't it?
🍪 Also, expect that once you're back to being healthy, all the work that needed to be done by you while you were sick, was "magicaly" finished. You can thank (or get angry at) your Ancient friends for that, they had someone do that stuff for you to keep you from getting stressed immidiently after the recovery.
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*Well, I'l admit this isn't my best work, but I think It came out good enough :). Sorry if it's not to your satisfaction, I hadn't written anything in a while so im kinda out of my element.
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