#there's still ableist language and some ableist concepts being used

[chronicallycouchbound]

A Guide for Coming into Disability

Note: While this is meant to serve as a guide for people who are becoming physically disabled and people newly recognizing their existing experiences of disability (including chronic illness), I feel that this guide is helpful for anyone, disabled or abled. No guide is one size fits all, but I hope this can help supplement other resources that exist.

Recognizing Disability

The first aspect of coming into disability is conceptualizing what disability means for you. Some initial questions to consider are:

What is disability?

What does it mean to be disabled?

How do you identify disability in yourself or others?

Only you can define what these mean for yourself, but many definitions and models of disability exist.

Loss & Grief

As you begin to transition into a disabled body, the first sign of that change is often the experience of loss. Loss of ability, access to the world, hobbies, community, loved ones, and your sense of self are just some of the types of loss you might be experiencing. Additionally, when being a part of any marginalized community, you are now not only beginning to experience the trauma of discrimination that you’re personally facing but you are also exposed to a communal trauma of systemic marginalization.

Due to the ableist society we live in, every single person is internalizing ableism. Everything we see on the news, in movies, in classrooms, etc. is absorbed subconsciously to create a personalized narrative of the disabled experience. Weather or not that ableism is externalized doesn’t matter, because if you’re not actively dismantling internalized ableism and practing anti-ableism, then that ableism will hit you much harder when you transition into disability. The work to navigate this is constant, evolving and will change with time.

All of this is very heavy. Always unpacking, always processing, always grieving. But it does get easier to navigate, especially with the proper supports. To cope with this, I highly recommend seeking out appropriate support groups (many are online, Facebook, Discord, The Mighty are some great places to look) and considering grief counseling. Through this, remember to be gentle with yourself, cut off people if you need to, set boundaries, and do what you need to to support yourself and keep yourself safe.

Spoon Theory in Practice

A large portion of my disabled experience is simply just learning. Learning about my body, treatments, my limitations, and what I can still do. This dynamic learning often requires more language to explain complex concepts. This brings us to the spoon theory. If you don’t yet know about spoon theory, here’s the original essay by Christine Miserandino.

Spoon theory works to help explain the energy limitations of chronic illness and has been widely adopted by the greater disabled community. Essentially, it is a metaphor that uses spoons as a metric to showcase energy levels in a tangible form. Over time your spoons will change, different activities might require more or less spoons, and recharging your spoons may also evolve. This is why it’s important to use the concept of spoon theory to help you set boundaries with yourself and others.

For yourself, being able to identify your spoon levels and use them appropriately to ration energy can help you avoid falling into pitfalls like the “Boom-Bust Cycle” and better pace yourself. I put this into practice by creating lists rating activities by spoon levels. I have a master list of meals I can eat, categorized by how many spoons it usually takes to make the meal. This way, I can plan out in advance on low spoon days, like when I have PT, and know I won’t have the energy to cook a meal that takes three spoons to make, I can meal plan for the week and buy what I need for a one spoon meal that day. This can also be applied to things like chores and hobbies. I sort my to-do list by priority, and then by how many spoons it will take to do the activity. Knowing your spoon levels can assist in setting boundaries with others as well. I always have a standing appointment on Tuesdays, so I never make plans that day. I always ask for help with certain chores because even if I physically can get them done, I won’t have spoons for the rest of the day or even the week.

Accepting Disability

In order to cope with the loss of certain activities, finding accessible alternatives can go a long way. You might be able to find an adaptive way to still participate in a hobby, like adaptive basketball. There are also so many options for hobbies in the world, and you might be surprised by what works for you now! This is a good time to start to focus on what you can do, with adaptations, vs what you used to be able to/now can’t do.

Mobility aids are a beautiful tool. My advice is if you think that an aid might help you, you should at least try it! If it ends up not helping, or you don’t need it, you can always donate it. I also like to say (and my physical therapist likes to remind me) Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.

And, of course, ask for help before your body demands it.

Disabled Liberation & Disabled Joy

If you have the spoons and time, you should prioritize learning about our history as a community (Crip Camp on Netflix is a great place to start) Additionally, you can learn about disability theory, models of disability, ugly laws, cripple punk movement, and our rights.

Disabled Joy is a concept that considers our joy to be a revolutionary act in and of itself. I use ‘joy’ here, rather than happiness, because while similar, happiness is based in the root word ‘hap’ meaning chance (as in mishap and happenstance), meaning that the experience itself is based in luck and external factors, and focus instead on the sensation associated with it– regardless of your situation, which is joy. Disabled joy looks like my partner sprinting while pushing me down the sidewalk with the wind in my face. It looks like a perfect day in Sims 4. It comes with safe foods and the healing power of accessible plauygrounds. You find it where it comes, and I hope you can find it in yourself.

Finding Community

The best part of the disabled experience, for me, is our thriving community. When it comes to community building, I always suggest online options first because they’re available 24/7 for most people, and you can reach community from your home. I’ve already mentioned online support groups, but also, online content creators are a great way to find community. If your social media following list is primarily able-bodied creators, especially ones who focus on activities that aren’t accessible to you, it can be really damaging to your mental health. This can help you to find friends who get what you're going through.

Self-advocacy and systemic advocacy resources from our peers and organizations can give you the tools and feel empowered to create change. Seeking resources by and for our community can be lifesaving. You’re reading one right now.

Welcome to the community.

♿️❤️ (wheelchair emoji, heart emoji)

[crippy-tangerine]

Growing up autistic when not fit into “gifted program” category (because brain cannot do that stuff!), but also did not have needs met enough to get the specialist education you probably needed, is strange… (/neutral tone). Our experiences don’t really line up with either of the experience “categories” people mention on here. (Nobody’s “fault”, just observation!). Never seen our (specific?) experiences talked about, so here goes nothing, we want to talk about our school experiences with undiagnosed autism (and comorbidities), because been thinking about it a bit… Realising that maybe find more people similar experience if actual talk about it.! So…

Warning for mentions of bullying, ableism, suicide, abuse, social isolation, eating disorders, generally poor mental health!! Not happy post, skip if this is a sensitive group of topics for you! (/genuine and serious tone).

Putting all info under cut, please only read if you ok to!!

-> So. Go from the… From the start… Not really “school”, but sort of is? Americans call it kindergarten- is where children age like 2-5 years old go? During weekday? We went there when still no mouth words (or only a couple basic words? Cannot remember). Used sign language apparently most things. But apparent not interested in talking verbally. But not remember any of this time (not surprising).

-> We went to a tiny school in tiny rural village from that age until we were 11(?). Have speech (unreliable with verbal shutdown) this point. Was no special education in that school, or gifted program- instead all kids put in one big class and get same lessons. Except the “slow” kids like us… We were “bottom set” for mathematics, which meant getting pulled out of the group classes + sitting in the corridor with the other “slow” kids and trying to learn stuff whilst sat on the floor in a cold corridor. Do not have enough memory to comment on how our lessons were different from the others, but is fair to say they did not help..

-> It is possible the corridor lessons were done when the rest of our class had “golden time” (time to play instead of a lesson). But unsure about that right now (memory loss).

-> We would struggle hugely with homework (specifically mathematics + whatever minimal science we did at that school). Routinely sobbing over simple sums and equations because our brain could not understand, and we would be yelled at by parent for not getting it and being “difficult”. Getting regularly told “you’re not [insert ableist word], so why can’t you just figure it out?”.

-> We were “behind” our best friend in school, and would get compared to them by our own parent often, because “couldn’t you be more like them?!”. Very unhappy experience to be told you’re not good at something, but also not allowed be bad at it, and the only thing you’re allowed to be is worse than your friends. Uncomfortable “middle” space. No peers around us to relate to because socially isolated (aside from best friend). Misunderstandings with best friend too- socially confused and not able understand other children. Out of place.

-> In our next school still in the “bottom sets” for stuff. In none of the “gifted/top sets”. Having new concepts introduced constant and unable to understand them or apply them, crying from stress and fear regularly, mental health declining (many reasons- school work didn’t help).

-> Unable to keep up with coursework for any subjects, struggling more as years go on and coursework increases. Failing exams, not turning in work, unable to focus in lessons so not writing any notes…. All dismissed as us being difficult, lazy or anxious. “You’re smart you just need to try harder!” when we are already completely past limits.

-> Got assessed at some point for specific learning disabilities (stuff like dyslexia, dyscalculia, dyspraxia) for exam accommodations (because we couldn’t finish any exams we did)- met criteria for multiple. Never diagnosed with anything though, not told that brain is clinically slower/“worse” than 99% of our peers in some areas; instead just given extra exam time and told that is all “anxiety”. Not allowed view self as gifted, also not given language identify with disability. Left in middle space yet again and told to “try more”.

-> Extra classes/“revision sessions” during our lunch times with teachers (all our friends except one got to go eat lunch, go to clubs, chill out- but we were often in little classrooms trying to learn science theories everyone else already learned).

-> “Worth” routinely measured by academic success (it was… One Of Those Schools… /negative tone). We were not “worth” much. And we were visibly Other because of the autism and stuff. So bullied by peers and staff throughout entire six(?) years there. Hated by staff (poor mental health, visibly “mentally” disabled, “disobedient”/“difficult”/“lazy”/“rude”, queer/trans in bigoted school, etc.).

-> Ended up in position where missing months of coursework, rarely handed any work in, had no notes for anything was meant to have learned (had to copy friend’s work in all our free time) and we were fully convinced would fail the major exams (to be able change schools).

-> Routinely missing classes because panic attacks, autistic shutdowns, general anxiety + fears (and a hatred for all classes, teachers, students at this point). Hiding in the toilets for hours because not able leave school (gated/locked doors). Walking out of classes midway and not going back in because unable cope.

-> Unable mask autism + antisocial traits as much as used to, obviously combative and demand avoidant (now seen as “scary” by all peers because verbally aggressive, picked fights with teachers over their bigotry, generally unable to pretend to like people at all, rude and physically took out violence by hitting/slamming objects). Hated by most of peer group and teachers, losing friends did have.

-> Took big exams running on fumes. Fumes. Our revision for them all consisted of listening to free tutors on YouTube as we did other things, and then cramming written versions of other people’s notes the night before each exam (and the 30 minutes before the actual exams…). Mostly given up at that point- planned on killing ourself if we did not get the marks we needed. Passed most of them somehow. (To a lot of people’s surprise).

-> Moved to new school. Behind from start in some areas because wasn’t caught up with work at last school. Complete train wreck mentally. Spent all free time in “quiet room” (the room for all disabled kids to hide basically). School knew vulnerable from start- but chose subjects found easier, so managed keep up with coursework vaguely for first few months + get by (sort of). Easy to clock as autistic at this point. Visibly mentally unwell from OCD compulsions/eating disorder/depression, more visible Tourette’s symptoms too. Wearing headphones with music on through all lessons. Teachers mostly allow for us specifically because so visibly distressed. Few times not allowed headphones (because substitute teachers), dissociate whole class not able do any work. Not really able remember details any of this time (amnesia again).

-> No “sets” anymore for classes- randomised classes with other students. Completely isolated outside of “quiet room” (disabled) friends, because all abled students could see that “different”/disabled in some way and avoided. Meant had nobody to copy class work from when not able keep up in certain classes. Fell behind more.

-> Start having other disabled students point out that visibly disabled- have other autistic students say stuff like “oh just assumed you autistic too”. Teachers all aware some degree that very unwell (not able hide it anymore- having severe dissociative episodes in classes, doing OCD compulsions during classes, unable speak to/look at other students, looked visibly sick from eating disorder, etc.).

-> Became obsessive over schoolwork- trying meet “perfection” standards for written notes, homework, practice exams. Not meet the standards. Distress over that and difficulty with life generally meant spend all free time in/out of class doing schoolwork. Fixated on doing well- but not able do well because brain not work like that still. Made worse because still told that “very smart”, pressure meet that standard even though never able actually reach unless spend hours (like 3+ hours) on one piece of work meant spend one hour on (example).

-> Missing classes again. Having pick which classes able sit through because unable be in class long enough do a full day (only a few hours maximum in day already, because classes spaced over 5 day period- still unable do that though). Having to leave school grounds regularly because not able stand being in school environment (because too many people, sensory overload from noises/smells/sounds).

-> Not able handle friendships. Still verbally combative, very distrustful, defensive, easily provoked (and became very unkind when provoked). No real understanding what friendships/relationships “meant” look like. Meant vulnerable to abuse, which took because assumed “normal” relationship things. Assumed because nobody else respect boundaries (platonic), okay if happen in relationship (non-platonic) too.

-> One day we just snap. Dissociative episode during lesson. Spend whole time try keep eyes open and not let roll back into head. Virtual laying on table. Lesson end, friends who in lesson with us all concerned, we just go “no fuck this, going home”. Walk out, travel home (impressive, not sure how manage). Barricade self in room for week solid. Not respond anybody during week, ignore all screaming, angry rage from parent outside room. Simply lie in bed dissociative haze, seven days. Not remember it really (no surprise). Never go back that school. Referred emergency mental health care because completely insane this point.

-> Attempt school 2 extra time as adult. First time not even make it back into school setting- enrol then never turn up. Second time manage few months, crash out again because needs not met (still not diagnosed autistic). And never return again. Honestly no plan for us ever go back- disability too severe this point even sit through one class.

-> TLDR: undiagnosed, crashed and burned repeatedly through childhood. Socially isolated + ostracised, bullied by teachers/staff, unable keep up with workload but struggles all dismissed as “laziness”. Dropout age 16-17ish. Complete dropout- no online no part time, nothing. Consume by how bad disability get. Unable function anymore. Not ever given “community” other kids- barely treated human by peers anyways lot of time. Not given language understand disabled. Certain not “gifted” though like other friends.

So… Not relate to “super gifted kid talented perfect student” autistics. Not relate to autistics in special education (because never put in it). Somewhere in messy grey area between. And never see that talked about really. But maybe others relate.?

So here you go- example what a late-diagnosed autistic experience can be like. Is reason one million why late diagnosed not equal low support needs. Our life dumpster fire because mid-ish support needs but never have needs met (and now worsening disability = support needs increased over years). Late diagnosed autistics not all these savant types, super masking, unable tell disabled… We (personally) undiagnosed because neglect + inability get right healthcare.

By the way. This post not say have “easier/harder” time than any other autistics. Just bit different than experiences seen talked about more on here. This not about who have better/worse time. Just want talk about own experience, maybe find others who relate!

This also not meant be “vent” post. Want explain right so others able understand (misunderstood a lot and get harmed because that- so like explain when can).

Okay this all for now, bye, sorry long post…

[roguemonsterfucker]

I was gonna reblog a post that had some really good points about these recent hbomb videos but then they went and used ableist language so I guess I gotta make my own post.

Please y'all, as fun as it is to make jokes about Tommy Tallarico and James Somerton and the other folks Hbomb has "taken down," we need to remember that taking these people down was NOT the point of his videos.

The Oof video was originally conceived as a simple video concept about how easy it is for our history to be lost and forgotten "through the lens of a video game sound that had been reused without credit for a decade." Hbomb fell into a black hole when he stumbled across all of Tallarico's lies and used the information he found to further emphasize his point. Credit in video games wasn't and sometimes still isn't taken seriously. The people that actually create the games (and other content) we love are often forgotten while the biggest names involved are put on a pedestal and given all the credit. That is the point of the video.

And the Plagiarism video also holds deeper meaning than just James Somerton. Plagiarism is a serious issue and there are multiple people profiting off of it. With things like ChatGPT, it's easier than ever to write something quickly that is based off of the hard work of others. When I think of "content mill" I usually think of videos like Five Minute Crafts (which also steal content and ideas from people btw!), not video essayists. So Hbomb's plagiarism video is a wake up call to all of us to be aware of the content we consume. Not only is plagiarism harmful to the original creators but it can also accidentally spread misinformation. Potentially extremely harmful misinformation.

Hbomb's videos always have a deeper meaning than "fuck this guy in particular." His Vaccine's video wasn't even purely about Andrew Wakefield, it was about how to combat misinformation.

Also, as someone who is very anti harassment, I beg of you, PLEASE do not go harassing people because of hbomb's videos. I don't care what they did, they don't deserve death threats, suicide baiting, or any cruelty directed at them. It's one thing to make funny posts about what they did here on tumblr but I beg you, do NOT go messaging them or tagging them or interacting with them in any way. Unless you have an actual legal dispute with them (such as if you paid money to them you would like refunded or if they plagiarized you) just don't talk to them.

In addition to harassment just being bad in general, we've seen in hbomb's video that James Somerton will weaponize that harassment. Someone very politely interacted with him and he claimed they sent him death threats. So let's not actually send him death threats please and thank you.

[polyamorouspunk]

Fully agree with you on the trans thing. It’s something I struggled with for a LONG time that I didnt *want* to be fully 100% trans. Like I fit in with trans people, I was transmasc, but I never felt *trans*. If that makes any sense??

People used to tell me all the time that I had to be trans if I checked xyz boxes. And I hated it. Now, years later, I’ve made it to a point that I just *am*. And it took me SO LONG to realize that was even an option. To just be myself without putting a label on it. I dont need to be fully cis or fully trans. Im just a little bit of everything and fully me.

It still confuses my queer friends. That I just *do not* care and dont put any importance on it. So its nice to see someone else with that opinion. Thank you

Yes!

Listen like I do not care if people reblog my posts and disagree with me. Like that’s you’re right as an individual. But what I don’t like is when I make a post talking about my identity and someone “corrects” me on it.

The problem with the push to be super inclusive, sometimes, is that people stop making it about who *wants* to be a part and who doesn’t.

I know people who are gay men who have 0 interest in being part of the LGBTQ+ community. Gay men who are like I’m not queer I’m not part of the community I’m just gay but I’m not identifying with the community in any way.

I know people who have described their “gender” to me almost verbatim the way that trans people have described to me their gender and have told me they do not consider themselves trans in any way, and it kind of sucks because I’m like… I know that if I were someone else they might put that label on that person even if that person doesn’t want it?

I’ve had people ON THIS BLOG send me asks telling me I am not trans and other people send me asks saying I’m not cis. Like lmao it’s so fucking funny pick one you guys. I gotta be one or the other- SIKE no I don’t. I’ve had people dump me over saying “I’m both cis and trans” which in hindsight seems kinda ableist because that was actually when I started IDing as plural so like. The idea you can’t be both is like. You know there are people with different experiences than you right. Like some common enough to be in textbooks. Not like some “out there” concepts like if you can grasp the concept of DID you can understand how perhaps to some degree a person can be different than their literal AGAB without being trans. Just for one example.

Sometimes I also fail to realize this but. When you reblog someone’s post, or comment on it, or send them an ask, etc… you are coming into THEIR space. I mean it very much went through my mind to be like “just ignore it” but I was like someone is coming onto MY post where I try and validate MY gender experiences and telling me people like ME are quite literally exactly what I’m talking about where I’m like actually I’m valid if I’m a little trans and outright saying “YOU AREN’T A LITTLE TRANS UWU” like. Hi it’s you you’re the problem you’re the people I’m validating myself to. Like I don’t care how politely and nicely you try and dress it up with inclusive language do not put me into a box I do not want to be put in because you think “that I have to be trans because I check xyz boxes” yeah literally. I know fully cis people who check “xyz boxes” and I ain’t out here telling them that actually they’re trans and valid for it. Like bro if you tell me you’re cis who am I to disagree.

In the near future you’ll never hear the words “I’m transgender” come out of my mouth directly. I might post it on here or say irl that I “dabble in transgenderism” but I do not outright say irl in person that I am transgender not because I’m “dealing with internalized transphobia” and “not ready to fully accept myself to be transgender in the real world instead of just offline” like no I just don’t ID as “transgender” period. Or you know what maybe I am but also who are you to say that’s what I am? How are you helping exactly? How is acting like I can’t “really accept myself for who I truly am” helping me any? Idk. Just because you have good intentions doesn’t make it better than the people who have bad intentions. Both are issues. Both are problematic.

Learn to go “actually it’s not my fucking business if someone is trans or cis or neither” and “they can call themselves whatever they want” and that includes NOT wanting to be included.

[mediaevalmusereads]

Writing Fiction: A Guide to Narrative Craft (10th ed.). University of Chicago Press, 2019.

Rating: 4/5 stars

Genre: academic book, creative writing guide

Series: N/A

Summary: The most widely used and respected text in its field, Writing Fiction by novelists Janet Burroway and Elizabeth Stuckey-French guides the novice story writer from first inspiration to final revision by providing practical writing techniques and concrete examples. Written in a tone that is personal and non-prescriptive, the text encourages students to develop proficiency through each step of the writing process, offering an abundance of exercises designed to spur writing and creativity. The text also integrates diverse contemporary short stories in every chapter in the belief that the reading of inspiring fiction goes hand-in-hand with the writing of fresh and exciting stories.

***Full review below.***

Content Warnings: references to war/violence/trauma/suicide/etc (as examples of stories, excerpts from stories about these topics, etc)

This book is non-fiction, so my review will be structured a little different than normal.

I picked up this book on recommendation from a friend who is a creative writing instructor. I wasn't really looking to improve my own creative writing, but rather, I was looking for a guide that would give me the language to talk about writing from the perspective of craft. That being said, you can still use this book if you're interested in creative writing instruction: I'm just letting you know that I'm not coming at this from the perspective of one who writes creatively.

There were a lot of things I really appreciated about this book. I really liked how focused each chapter was, getting right to the point with few embellishments but plenty of illustrative examples. Every concept, therefore, was easy to grasp, even if implementing it in one's own writing is a challenge.

I also appreciated that each chapter dealt with a particular topic (character, plot, point of view, etc) and offered numerous freewriting prompts and suggested readings. These collections help the reader both practice what they've learned and to seek out material that illustrates the concepts of each chapter, and I think they're varied enough that most readers will find a reading or prompt which resonates with them.

Lastly, I appreciated the way that Burroway explained why certain writing choices were better than others while also acknowledging that some prescriptivist "rules" can be broken. For example, Burroway very clearly breaks down the difference between showing and telling and explains when showing may be more effective versus when telling is the better choice. She also explains what effects showing and telling have in the reader so that authors can approach a project more mindful of their impact.

All that being said, I didn't give this book a full 5 stars because there were some little things that irked me. For one, this book is somewhat biased against genre fiction and makes some generalizations that I don't think are fair. Still, there are some passages that acknowledge that genre fiction can be productive and that writing to reader expectations isn't always a bad thing, so maybe I'm more annoyed than offended. Additionally, this book uses some metaphors that may or may not be upsetting to people. For example, Burroway describes plot in terms of a war (specifically the conflict over the Gaza Strip) and facial features (which may come across as ableist at times). I can't speak for everyone and perhaps I'm reading too much into these comparisons, but it's better to be aware that they're used.

TL;DR: While there was nothing in this book that was essentially "new" for me as a person familiar with literary criticism and craft, I do think Writing Fiction is a good resource for people who may just be starting out (like high school or college create writers or adult writers who don't recall much from English class). It gives a lot of clear, concrete advice and provides useful language for articulating what constitutes "good writing" in the modern age. For these reasons, I think it's a helpful text, but by no means the only handbook one should use when crafting a story.

[warrenkoles]

Wow I feel like going through the tags and replies of this just shows how much ableism still exists even within our own communities. Personally I've only ever seen this term used by ND people referring to themselves (neurospicy mostly, not really neurosparkly) but it is really not a big deal if some ND people enjoy referring to themselves in a little fun way. I really feel like so many ND people especially on here and twitter have never actually hung out with other ND people who are not like them, and so this concept of it being too "immature" or too "infantilizing" just comes off as super rude, if not actually ableist. "Don't infantilize ND people" = "don't take away our autonomy because you think we're incapable of knowing what is best for us" NOT "don't make us all look like kids by using language that I consider to be childish".

It's okay if you don't like the terms and don't want to be called that, but that doesn't mean you have to be so rude about the people who do, especially when a lot of us have been bullied for these exact things (being seen as "cringe" or "immature"). I don't get how so many aren't seeing that.

If you are neurodivergent (including all psychological conditions, neurological conditions, and developmental conditions) I have a question for you and pls elaborate in the tags if you feel comfortable

[fireinthehole69-212]

Things I have learned from living abroad in Ireland.

The concept of poverty has to be reconsidered, giving away money is not the same as paying for something you desire, when doing this last one you have to consider how often you do or get something for pleasure, how long spend overthinking if you should get it, and from where you're getting it.

People who run business ain't going to be a manager, if so a supervisor, the first ones are focused in passive income bureaucracy and vices.

Having a job can mean that you no longer have a purpose, in post-slavery societies it often happens, and the Irish job market is no exception, and you can end up in an asphyxiating one easily, you also should expect coworkers to be hard to cheer up, and to deposit trust on you, the dream of nice people here is to be self-sufficient and having a close group of people, there's no interest in blindly trust big corporations or people due to generational trauma.

There's an expectation of where and how the Brazilians and the Polish should be and behave, also everyone makes the assumption that you want to socialize with people from your country over other people.

The economic market is so poor and narrowed that there's indicators that personal economics and real state are being used to control the mobility of individuals, being this a theory without direct evidence.

Due to their past of self-induced beliefs in the superiority of their race is not hard to find someone trying to fuck with your mind, testing or teasing you, some do by cultural influence, and others truly still believe the fact. This only shows up if you present yourself as a nobody, since it seems they make distinctions by socioeconomic status too.

Is common practice to have an ableist way of communication based in subtlety and double meanings.

Doesn't looks like it but there's a huge difference between wanting the money to have a tesla and wanting to make one.

The conceptualization of mental illnesses are inherently associated with weaknesses and victimization in the patient, so mental diseases associated with aggressiveness and abusing behavior often are left untreated, well known to happen in another places but here is specially noticeable.

The romanticization of intelligence can go to extremes here, has I said this also happens in another countries, but the threshold on which people start being critic towards other characteristics of an individual are way higher than average, I perceive this as a poor collective intelligence, reasons could be poor socialization due private and gendered schooling, or a social behavior dragged from the times of famine, maybe both.

Being said that the freedom of press actually exist, the general quality of it is really poor, controversial topics had to be really relevant to made it to the biggest media, making a follow up of topics like politics or economics by their means difficult, public television is under-stuffed and overpaid, alternative press exist but newspapers can run out, and in the internet are rarely cited outside facebook groups.

The housing market is currently inflated due to how open it is to the international investment, sharing language with counties who have a business model way different to the European one, and considering the product being seen like an asset more than an utility, basically big firms bought flats and houses and let them be, artificially altering the balance supply/demand, this plus demographic changes in a society who bought most of all real state in a short time-frame are going to make a generational market crash, who probably will freak out investors and aggravate the whole thing even more, mortgage rates are good tho, but you have to be sure you want to stay here forever, if you're less than 40 you ain't going to make passive income from rentals or sell it for a decent price in a given future, get that out of your mind.

You have to worry a lot about prices outside big retailers, while this doesn't really happens at others places of europe, where you can just enter any small shop of any city and neighborhood without giving a worry, here you can expect price increases not by fractions of the average but by multipliers, see very basic stuff being three times more expensive can happen quite often.

You can tell racism is really present and not addressed or interfering in politics, since it's location Ireland is quite homogeneous genetically speaking so the Irish have to ways of tagging people, one is realizing you're an expat, so a filter of positive racism is applied, where you will have relentless conversations about culture and stuff in a polite fakeish and exhausting way who can last for months until you see the real person, and the second one is a subtle trend of seeing more people of a given eye or hair color or small stuff like that in some job positions than others, btw this is totally normalized, is not a big deal for them because they don't have to address huge consequences from racism like other countries do, like India, the south of Europe etc, where this kind of stuff can generate huge altercations.

There's successful expats, but I have the feeling they already had a huge network of people and got offered a job position in the country by a multinational who operates in Ireland before even coming, right now is quite difficult to become successful as a first gen expat, seems like there's an intention on changing that but it will take decades and some friction along the way.

Both Poland and Ireland government/military are making the "Bad cop and Good cop" game with Ukranian refugee's workforce.

[autisticcassandracain]

Now that I've finished volume 1 & 2 of The New Teen Titans I feel like giving my official ranking of the Teen Titans based on how much I personally like them:

Koriand'r: Love of my life. She's the reason I read this comic I love her so MUCH. I'd literally be here all day if I went in depth on why I love her. Spectacular showstopping amazing 10/10.

Joey: Listen! He's just a lad! Just a nice little lad! I knew practically nothing about him going in but I love him now. He's just a genuinely kind and compassionate person, his power is cool as hell, and I'm actually pleasantly surprised by how well his disability was handled. 

Donna: Her arc about creating an aura of perfection around her and being scared to watch it crumble is really good, her leadership arc was likewise great, the issue where she found her family was fantastic, the Amazons as a concept are super interesting to me, and I really love her relationship with Kori and Dick! She's a little bland but that's ok I still love her.

Raven: She doesn't grab me as much as I feel she should for some reason? But she's still a good character. I like the idea of an empath being wildly incompetent with her own emotions, I have to respect and admire her selflessness, and her powers are cool as hell.

Kole: Yes I know she was only in like 5 to 10 issues and existed to be killed off in Infinite Crisis but have you considered: I love her.

Dick: When he's not being a jackass he's really nice! He weirdly feels a lot more... idk, human? In the ntt than I've usually seen him in batfam comics. I especially like how much this era leans into his detective skills. Unfortunately he's also quite frequently a jackass and it makes me want to strangle him.

Vic: His combination of brains and brawn feels very unique, I love how they don't downplay his intellect, and his relationship with the school for disabled kids and his grandparents is adorable! That said there's only so much self pity and 'I look like a monster' monologues I can take before I start to roll my eyes at it.

Tara: Yes we're counting her. Her character was abysmally written, her backstory makes no sense, her flat evil personality is infinitely less interesting than a more nuanced alternative, and of course there was the whole victim-blaming Mess with Slade, but also I thought she was funny. She's a bitch and it's entertaining.

Garfield: As a self-proclaimed chauvinist and the designated group sexual harasser I'm legally required to dislike him. I'd probably like him a little better if he didn't also wallow in self pity constantly but here we are. Yeah your whole family is dead and I guess that sucks but in the immortal words of Donna Troy, that's not exactly unique in this group. Go cry about it in your McMansion. Occasionally has some good moments and his friendship with Vic is cute tho.

Danny Chase: I feel embarrassed having to put him on this list bc I've literally never heard anyone or anything mention him so I'm pretty sure he's getting written out in 2.5 issues flat but. Still a Titan. His entire personality is 'loud-mouth 14-year-old ex-spy' so he's mostly just boring and kind of annoying. Feels like he's only there to get more kids to read comics and I'd bet real money that's the actual reason he exists. And on top of that his powers are boring.

Wally West: This is an NTT Wally West hate blog. I hate this guy so much. He's a conservative in the 80's and as if that wasn't bad enough all he does is feel sorry for himself, complain, and lash out at others. Every time he opens his mouth my brain goes 'That's what I thought you'd say you stupid fucking Republican!' I'm not even going to try to be objective here. If I could push him off a roof I would. Fuck NTT Wally West.

[reveseke]

Spontaneous crossover / au time with Spiderverse and Criminal minds about Spiderverse! Reader within Criminal minds ( feat a arcade themed stim board bc i wanted to make one <- TW bright colors & lights + flickering { Glowcore popping balloons } )

(( CW Sooo ~ Rather dark themes, mentions of being a lab rat, kidnapping, possible paranoia at some point even | mention of Jumping spiders ( due to the powers ) | You have been warned, approach at your own risk :3 ( probably didn't get all of it down these were the ones I thought off, if you find more please lemme know! )

Au/tropes — Crossover of Spiderverse × Criminal minds | Sci-fi | scientific super powers | found family (mention/hinted) | Angst(hinted)

Random – concept headcanons | Arcade theme in play

About reader — Masc! Aligned; trans, nonbinary & masc ambiguous friendly ! | He him pronouns used | R instead of y/n or m/n used | teen! reader around sixteen fifteen y.o ? | Hinted to have small amounts of background & a dog! | Tech savvy reader !!

Disclaimer – English is my second language and I'm Dyslexic, grammatical errors are more than going to happen. this is barely proof-read completely, it's just breezed through that's it lol.

DNI — Fudanashis/Fujodashis, fem-aligned, basic DNI criteria(ableists, racists, sexists etc), Maps(+other related terms), Pedophiles, transmeds, TERFS ( + other related terms ), antisemetics, proship/profic, kink/nude/18+ blogs, sh/pro-ana/Ed blogs, blank blogs

Gif ID. Three gifs in upper row; a gif showcasing the 90s arcade mat designs with varying colors and shapes, second gif of a bundle of cables with small flashing RGB lights in between the cables, third gif of cyan and magenta glitters being stirred.

three more gifts row down; a gif of glow in the dark stars if varying colors being thrown down, a gif of two balloons filled with green and orange glowing liquid Uber a black light being driven over by a car popping them, third gif of three arcade machines against a wall flashing lights and active. Gif ID end

Credits — 👑|👑|👑 — 👑|👑|👑

What if spiderman! Au, masc!reader being something similiar to Spider-Man, a teenager and gets to work for the government when he's caught. Of course suffering through the court etc -> as in assault charges that can be linked to him even if it was against bad guys. Y'know lol .

Also bad guys just being criminals most of the time. And actually being normal people. Ofc there can be an alternative of serums etc etc.

If they were serumed up then there would be more chaos tbh.

But I'm still thinking wether or not it be the known sci-fi type with differences to the actual Spider-Man powers. Also bc i personally love jumping spiders, i think the powers will circle them specifically. ( So the suit design descriped wouldn't be the one Spider-Man actually wears bc originality if i ever continue on this concept lol )

R just swinging around and avoiding cops and agents as he starts to realise he's being chased / targeted.

His powers are seen as something pricy and unique, one could say people may be interested in seeing him fighting in a rink.

I think he would be a lab rat if caught by anybody who has the proper or improper equipment and skill(s) to be used.

I think the first time he'd use his powers would be after being attacked or scared and having the fight or flight response activated.

Most likely panicked and absolutely bat shit scared.

At some point may have had something to do with a murder or being an accessory in it. Koff Koff. Or maybe just do something with a murder of somebody in general bc of not knowing how much power he actually has.

:0 Vigilante good guy misinterpreted to be a bad guy bc his powers went haywire.

Oh yeah heh mentioned jumping spiders above, think about ultraviolet vision as something R would be able to access.

Also bc of 15-16 y.o R he would be in highschool during these times. ( Think about it being the present)

Getting a dog for his own protection, company and to combat the possible paranoia the shit underneath may have caused and is spoke of.

Yes I'm kinda just portraying this origin of Reader to be close to the original spider-man origin. Thinking of ways he could get his powers; i don't like the origin how that ended, bc angst i need angst and the Reader being a full lab rat by being kidnapped for tests with other people. Either they survived it or died during the testing. ( I think he could have been a bit younger when this happened. )

Also kinda wanna include Survivalist intuition(link) to the mix in a way, not only for thee possible danger intuition that will be part of the myriad of things the testing may have given him.

Having a friend group that somewhat knows what's up with the reader and tries to help him as much as they can. Which includes possible not talking to the cops or FBI if being questioned at one point bc the fbi found possible lead to the reader after seeing him appearing around newspapers and the streets of Virginia mainly.

If the reader does have parents they are spoken with aswell, if he does not then he's basically taken in as the shared child of the BAU team in time lmao .

If he does not have parents as in they aren't really there in his life that much.

Finding out he's a student, a minor in general surprises them a little, especially after connecting dots and finding out what may or may not have happened to him when he was younger.

After being caught he's held accountable for the crimes he's committed. And doesn't exactly deny them either. But he's also offered a possible job bc they could actually use someone like him in the forces due to his powers.

Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait what if more sci-fi type of shit is going on and the technology is a little more advanced from the 2000- 2018 (i think?) Technology evolution. And the reader was tech savvy and build his own equipment and instead of actual webs or chemically composed webs it's just wires?? Like grappling hooks but small and study as fuck ¿¿ Lmao

So like in a way he's not smart in chemistry way, but in technology & physics way if you will lol ??

And if the reader liked a more colorful arcade-ish designs ?? :0

The fanfiction would be a crossover obviously, but idk if there would a specific world to be put in. Bc spider verse! Reader sounds really cool. Especially arcade-aesthetic style/ tech savvy(kinda like Peni from Spiderverse, but not completely y'know?) version would be really cool.

AAAAAAAAAAA— just thinking about a case where spiderverse! Reader is already part of BAU and is sent to go undercover in a school campus bc there's a killer and nobody knows anything and he's the only one that could easily without raising any suspicious'

Also how he's secretive about being hurt and sucking it up to bandages himself home bc that's basically what he's been doing. The amount of scars and wounds he has and how's he not dead yet ?? The teams shook lol .

Oh also JJ's basic maternal instinct; he's basically if put to work with the BAU department under Hotch as a trainee also under her, Emily and Penny's gaze. Also Hotch and Derek lol imo would look after the reader a little if they're assigned with him.

Also Derek will absolutely if the Reader is energetic and speaks alot pretend to be annoyed before actually being annoyed bc he can't catch a break off of you ( in this situation he'd voice it out politely. Instead of ignoring R completely lol ) . Also teasing how much of a motor mouth R can be.

With Reid he can absolutely talk about the most random things that come to mind and if he doesn't know what R's on about R can actually educate him on it !

Also i actually think especially if the Reader is neurodivergent Reid would absolutely be the best person to talk about hyperfixations and specials interests. In other seriousness you could pour your interests and likes to him and you'd get a good conversation out of it :³ .

Also mama hen Rossi content. You cannot convince me this man does not hen over the team in general. I have seen too many headcanons and hints off of this, + the show let's it up as well in some episodes and I am headcanoning it myself lmao. He's really caring tbh.

Can you already tell I'm hip deep in found family trope content with the old BAU team lol ?

Absolutely think once Penny gets a sniff at something R's interested in she's going to get him something related to that to keep his mind off of the dark things the job forces him into. She's absolutely the one you could just pour out and she's ready to help, care and possible be doting ;; .

Also just randomly thinking about those roof-top chase scenes where reader would be the dominant one bc he could catch up faster with the target especially if it's jumping roof top to roof top. Bc naturally much stronger and longer leaps than a human can do and more stamina. ( Bc of having a jumping spider specific powers )

[a-queer-seminarian]

so ya wanna know about autism: masterpost

I give this google doc link out to individuals a lot, and realized it might be useful for a lot of people if i shared it more widely. It’s a masterpost of a whole bunch of Autistic Stuff -- here’s the link to the actual doc, but i’ll also post it all here on tumblr (under a readmore after the table of contents).

(edit: if the hyperlinks aren’t working for you, here’s the google doc url that you can copy and paste into an internet browser to access everything: https://docs.google.com/document/d/16BqhRv4IlZ6KcElGAEZOx8sFYwRs4W1jF-ddY_XKYnE/edit?usp=sharing )

Please spread it around (including sharing the google doc link outside of tumblr wherever you want). Feel free to comment with more resources, tumblr posts, articles, etc. that you find helpful! And if any links are broken, let me know.

It can be a major challenge for adult autistic folks to find content for us and by us, because so much “official” content is 1) ableist and harmful and 2) geared towards parents of autistic children. So I’ve compiled just about every resource I’ve got that discusses autism by and for #actuallyautistic folks.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

- ORGANIZATIONS AND SELF ADVOCATES

- DEFINING AND DESCRIBING AUTISM

misc.

Metaphors and images for autism

Disability models

Issues with Functioning Labels, ideas of “Mild” - “Severe” autism

- AUTISM AND INTERSECTIONALITY

misc.

Autism among women

Autism and race

Autism and LGBTQ

- STUFF ON SELF DIAGNOSIS

misc.

Is it ADHD or Autism??

Tests / checklists

- STUFF ON PROFESSIONAL DIAGNOSIS

- AUTISTIC PRIDE / CULTURE AND HISTORY!

misc.

Autism / disability history and culture

The Neurodiversity Movement

Person first vs. identity first language

Cureism

- AUSTITIC TRAITS (BEYOND THE ONES COMMONLY DISCUSSED!)

Misc. - samefoods, lists, needing to know what to expect, etc.

Stimming

Communication stuff - misc. - Verbal/nonverbal - Infodumping - echolalia - Prosopagnosia - Aphasia - Eye contact

Special interests / hyperfixations

Auditory Processing Disorder

Sensory issues / Sensory Processing Disorder

Meltdowns and Shutdowns and Burnout

Executive function

Emotion stuff

- MASKING / PASSING / SCRIPTING

- WHY AUTISM SPEAKS AND ABA ARE SO BAD

- MISCELLANEOUS

Suicide

Allyship / for allistics - For parents of autistic persons

More non-speaking autistic self-advocates

misc.

_________________

SOME ORGANIZATIONS AND SELF ADVOCATES

ASAN!!

The Autistic Woman and Nonbinary Network

Amethyst Schaber’s “Ask and Autistic” YouTube full of videos on various autistic stuff

Lydia X.Z. Brown / Autistic Hoya 

Dr. Nick Walker

Mrs. Kerima Çevik

“Non-Speaking Autistic Speaking” - Amy Sequnzia’s blog

“The thinking person’s guide to autism”

The How-To Wiki for autism is actually really helpful! 

Ollibean blog .

DEFINING AND DESCRIBING AUTISM

Video: “What is autism?”

“About autism”

“What being autistic means to me”

Myths about autism .

Metaphors and images for autism - “Autism is a sundae bar” - “Autism is purple” - “Understanding the spectrum” comic - Another visual on the idea of a spectrum - And another visual on the spectrum - not an on-off switch .

Disability models - Understanding disability models - Video: models of disability discourse .

Functioning Labels, “Mild” or “Severe” autism - Article on functioning labels - “What’s wrong with functioning labels? A masterpost” - Another article on problems with functioning labels - “I don’t experience my autism mildly; you experience my autism mildly” - A non-speaking autistic who is labeled non-functioning discusses labels - “Most people would consider me low-functioning, but I hate that word” - Tweets from actual autistics on functioning labels - How the same person may be labeled low or high functioning at different times - “Mental Age Theory hurts people with disabilities” .

AUTISM AND INTERSECTIONALITY

Article on autism in communities of color + in the LGBTQ community

Autism, intersectionality, and STEM college outcomes

Articles on intersectionality on The Art of Autism .

Autism among women - A reminder about talking about differences in autism in “females” - “I thought I was lazy: the invisible struggle for autistic women” - “The women who don’t know they’re autistic” - “The gas-lighting of women and girls on the autism spectrum” .

Autism and race - “Being Autistic, Black, and Femme” - “Black and Autistic: Is there room at the advocacy table?” - “Autistic, Gifted, and Black” - “I, too, am Racialized” - Autistic Hoya on being Chinese & a transracial adoptee - Video: “Growing up BLACK in a neurotypical legal system” - The Autism Wars: Mrs. Kerima Çevik’s blog .

Autism and LGBTQ - “Autism and gender variance - is there a cause for the correlation?” - “The intersection of autism and gender” - Issues being transmasc and autistic - “Gendervague: At the intersection of Autistic and trans experiences” - “I’m an autistic lesbian and no, I don’t wish I were ‘normal’” .

STUFF ON SELF DIAGNOSIS:

A self-diagnosis masterpost!

Autistic self-dx is valid

“Reasons why self-dx is good from the pov of a professional” 

Some reasons why autism may go undiagnosed 

“Five reasons I am self identified as autistic”

“Beware of gatekeeping”

A masterpost of “resources for women who believe they might be autistic”

A therapist who’s never met an incorrect self-dx-er .

Is it ADHD or Autism?? - Links to information on the intersections between autism and ADHD - A list of things that are more ADHD, things that are more autism, and things that are both - Science: decoding the overlap between ADHD and autism - The concept of neurodivergent “cousins” .

Various tests / checklists: - ASD Checklist - List of inclusive autistic traits - Book: I Think I Might Be Autistic: A Guide to Autism Spectrum Disorder Diagnosis and Self-Discovery for Adults .

STUFF ON PROFESSIONAL DIAGNOSIS:

Privilege in being able to get a diagnosis

Pros and cons of getting one

Someone answers the question “Was it worth it for you to get diagnosed as an adult?”

Professional diagnosis can get some people deported :/

This person’s journey from self-dx to pro-dx .

AUTISTIC PRIDE / CULTURE AND HISTORY!

The wiki how-to on accepting your autism

The wiki how-to on autistic strengths 

“7 Cool Aspects of Autistic Culture”

“I’m autistic and proud of it”

“You are not a burden” 

“What is self advocacy?” .

Autism / disability history and culture - Video: “Is autism a disability?” - A google drive “disability library” full of amazing content - A tumblr tag full of posts with autistic history - Book - Loud Hands: Autistic People, Speaking includes essays that explore the history of autism and of autistic self-advocacy - Book - Neurotribes: The Legacy of Autism and the Future of Neurodiversity .

The Neurodiversity movement - The neurodiversity paradigm - Video: basic terms and definitions - Video: what is neurodiversity? - Liberating ourselves from the pathology paradigm .

Person first vs. identity first language (“person with autism” vs. “autistic person”) - ASAN on identity first language - Why it matters - Video: Autism ACTUALLY Speaking - Science: a study on what labels actual autistic persons prefer - An image showing the difference between person first and identity first language .

Cureism & seeking causes of autism - Video: “Autism and the disability community: the politics of neurodiversity, causation, and cure” - Video: Self advocacy in a culture of cure - An analogy against cureism - It’s okay that some autistics do want a cure - Quotes on Truth Is by Julia Bascom about not needing a cure - Cureism is eugenics - “If a cure is found, no one will force you to take it” .

AUTISTIC TRAITS (BEYOND THE ONES COMMONLY DISCUSSED!)

“Thinking about patterns of opposite extremes among autistic people” (e.g. how we tend to be sensory avoidant or sensory seeking, extremely gender conforming or extremely gender nonconforming, hyper-empathetic or hypo-empathetic)

An essay on inclusive autistic traits

This tumblr is dedicated to answering people asking about whether various things are autistic traits!

This person lists the reasons they think (know) they’re autistic; the list includes a lot of traits that often aren’t talked about 

“Some autism things” .

“What are samefoods?” - “Why do autistic people tend to samefood?”

It’s okay if you don’t like certain things / avoid certain things because of your autism

Wanting/needing to know how long something will last, what to expect .

Stimming! - Video: what is stimming? - Video on self-injurious stims - Video: autobiographical look at stimming and its role - More than a coping mechanism - A masterpost of examples of various types of stimming - Video on vocal / verbal stimming - Examples of vocal stimming as communication - A tumblr blog with a tag full of examples of body stims .

Communication stuff - Trouble with volume modulation; repetition; inconsistent talking habits - Autistic idiolects - Autistic dialect? - Autistics communicate differently amongst each other! . - Verbal/nonverbal - - Selective mutism - - Semiverbal communication - - Different amounts of access to speech - - A person on being non-verbal and using AAC - - People who are nonverbal still deserve to be listened to .

Infodumping - What is infodumping?

Echolalia - “Autism and Echolalia: what you need to know” - What is echolalia? - A tumblr blog’s tag featuring examples of echolalia

Aphasia and autism

Prosopagnosia (Face blindness) - Science: a study confirming that some 67% of autistic persons have some degree of facial recognition difficulties - Science: a study offering theories for why this is!

Video: Autistics and eye contact - Science: Researchers explore why autistic people avoid eye contact

Tendency to overexplain .

Special interests / hyperfixations - Some info on hyperfixations - Video on special interests - Emphasizing the intensity of these things - “What’s so special about a special interest?” - “Why we love what we love and why it should matter to you” - Not every autistic person knows everything there is to know about their special interest - “Interest hopping” - Dividing our life into “eras” of special interests .

Auditory Processing Disorder - Examples of APD - “You might struggle with auditory processing if…” .

Sensory Processing Disorder - Video: What is sensory processing disorder? - Video: a virtual experience of what it’s like to be at a party as someone with SPD - A post about some of the weird sensory stuff that many autistics experience (such as feeling nauseated when your real issue is a headache) - Many sensory issues aren’t just annoying, but physically painful - Difficulty in explaining autistic hypersensitivities - Auditory sensory musings - Trying to describe sensory overload - Not noticing when we’re hungry - Weird tolerance for big pain, intolerance for small pain - Science: “Unseen Agony: Dismantling Autism’s house of pain” - Tumblr blog with a tag of other posts about sensory issues .

Meltdowns and Shutdowns and burnout: - Meltdowns vs. shutdowns - Video: “What are autistic meltdowns?” - Video: “What are autistic shutdowns?” - A description of meltdowns - Signs of a shutdown in autistic people - How to support someone having a shutdown - Science: “Autistic shutdown alters brain function” - How to avoid meltdowns - “Dealing with meltdowns” - “The protective gift of meltdowns” - Video on autistic burnout - Article on burnout - Science: Autistic burnout described by a researcher - An article on autistic regression (burnout) - “Help! I seem to be getting more autistic” - talks about how things like burnout, aging, new environment, being around other autistics, and more can cause this .

Executive function - Video: “What is executive functioning?” - A chart describing the different aspects of executive function - “Executive functioning problems - a frustrating aspect of being autistic” - Autistic inertia .

Emotion stuff (including empathy) - Our emotional regulation is different - Article: (some) people with autism can read emotions, feel empathy - Video on misconceptions around autism and empathy - “Double standards: The irony of empathy and autism” - Science on the “double empathy problem” involving relationships between autistics and non-autistics - Not a bad person for not having empathy - More musings on autism and empathy - “Autistic grief is not like neurotypical grief” .

Alexithymia: - Science: Overlap between autism and alexithymia - Video: what is alexithymia? - “I don’t know how I feel”

MASKING / PASSING 

Video on passing

An infographic on autistic masking

Another video on masking / “hiding” in a neurotypical world

We are not obligated to mask or “act less autistic”

When you mask less and get told “you’ve been acting more autistic”

Getting called high-functioning because you mask/pass well

Scripting: - Video: what is scripting? 

WHY AUTISM SPEAKS AND ABA ARE SO BAD

A guide to identifying good autism organizations (and how they can improve!)

Autism Speaks:

Some facts and statistics 

An AS masterpost

Another AS masterpost

Video: What’s wrong with AS?

Video: a non-speaking autistic’s response to discussions between Autism Speaks and GRASP

“Enough with the puzzle pieces”

“I resign my roles at Autism Speaks”

“Responding to Autism Speaks” .

ABA:

Video: what’s ABA? 

“Studies find thin evidence for early autism therapies” 

Masterpost of why ABA is harmful

More on how ABA is abusive even if a kid “seems to like it”

An autistic describes ABA’s “quiet hands” method

And another post on how ABA is harmful

Trauma and autism

Alternatives to ABA

MISCELLANEOUS 

Suicide - Video: Speaking to suicidal autistics - Science linking autism and increased suicidality - Video: “diagnosis saved my life” .

Allyship / for allistics - Video: How to be an ally - Resources for supporting autistics during Autism Acceptance month and year-round! - Autistic accessibility needs - “How to be a friend to autistic people” - 15 things you never say to an autistic person - What to say / not to say to an autistic adult - Video: what shouldn’t I say to autistic people? - Video: Things not to say to an autistic person - Video: “Isn’t everyone a bit autistic?” - Don’t talk about “mental age” - “To those who tell autistic persons ‘everyone experiences that’” - Why it’s not helpful to say “well I don’t think of you as disabled / as autistic” - How to support a loved one who’s gone temporarily nonverbal - How to support someone having a shutdown - Help reduce meltdowns in a loved one - Don’t restrain an autistic person having a meltdown - Understanding why autistics seem “so picky” - Making communication easier for your autistic friend - Avoiding ableism against AAC users - How to protect your autistic employees from ‘no script found’ situations” .

For parents of autistic persons - “Don’t Mourn for Us” - “You don’t ‘lose a child to autism’” - Advice from autistic adults on treating your autistic children with respect - A masterpost of advice for “autism parents” - It’s okay if your kid doesn’t hug you or say “I love you” - “They keep publishing these violent articles” - “When you’re autistic, abuse is considered love” - You don’t have to tell everyone who comes across you and your kid in public that your kid is autistic / you don’t have to constantly apologize for your kid! - Your kid isn’t bad / uncooperative just because they have certain differences - Don’t tell autistic adults we are “nothing like your child” - A tag full of more tumblr posts about / for “autism parents”

More non-speaking autistic self-advocates - Video: “In My Language” by Mel Baggs - Mel Baggs: “Don’t ever assume autism researchers know what they’re doing” - Lysik’an: “You don’t speak for low-functioning autistics” - Film: Deej

Autistics and the idea of “getting out of your comfort zone”

Autistics accommodate allistics far more than the other way around 

It is icky when autistic persons are only valued when we’re “productive” 

Parents who are themselves autistic

Autism as genetic? - Science: “Autism Genetics, Explained”

Science: links to some studies on autism and gastro-intestinal issues, autism and caffeine, autism and sleep, autism and stimming, autism and queerness, autistic strengths, and more

[fixomnia-scribble]

Evolution

HOLY HECK.

Criminal Minds: Evolution (aka Season 16) is off to an incredible start. Spoilers and pics below the cut. Messer and the team have pulled off the tricky balance between taking us back to familiar places and faces, and finding new energy as well as new problems to contend with in new ways.

Below be spoilers.

Firstly, this is a welcome-back to the characters, not a plot analysis. I’m intrigued by the idea of a season-long arc, and I think it’s an interesting concept: how pandemic life may have altered crimes that depend on predator access to people out in public.

One comment I’ve seen online, about the psychological game the killers are playing, is: “Isn’t it horribly ableist to show the choice between permanent disability and death this way?” And this is my response, as a non-disabled person: I think the point was to make the viewer think that. I think the point was to make people think, hang on, would I actually pick death over permanent paralysis? Wouldn’t there be plenty to fight for and ways to live? But this is just me.

Let me just get the predictable out of the way: everyone is back, if only name-dropped a couple of times, and they look amazeballs. Age and experience are cool, network people. So far there’s no word on whether Gubler and Henney will sign on for future episodes, but they are clearly missed and not forgotten, while on supposed secret assignments.

Prentiss is the new Strauss, dealing with the budget-bleating Dep Dir Bailey, a spindly, grinning 30-year-old with his eye on a top job. He probably hasn’t been in the field since Academy, has no respect for Prentiss and has no idea what hell he is in for.

Lewis is her usual powerhouse self, still relatively fresh in her mental outlook compared to the long-time agents who have gone though bitterness and back together. She’s also dating a lady powerhouse at DoJ, thereby becoming CM’s first canonically queer BAU agent. The world does not end, and Prentiss’ response is that it’s nice to have someone so happy in the office - and that Tara’s going to get so much shit from the team - simply for making such a catch, and dating someone over at DoJ.

(Note: thanks to the eagle-eyed forum spotters who noted Tara’s plaid jacket and closeup of her nice short manicure as a little extra bi-coding. Whether it was intentional or not, you’re right, that’s hilarious!)

Which brings me to the next point: there is cussing! A lot of it! Because this is on streaming, not cable! Rossi and Prentiss, predictably, get to drop all the bombs, some of them fairly large. Not only is it disarmingly natural, but it feels like a relief. Of course these two have been cussing all the way through - we’re just now getting to sit at the big kids’ table and hear it.

Here’s hoping we get to hear Prentiss cussing in multiple languages.

Rossi is having a Truly Awful Year. Having re-married his third wife at the end of S 15, he’s been grieving (or trying not to) since her death from an undisclosed illness a year ago. He’s living in a basic commuter hotel to avoid rattling around his mansion alone, living on room service, a landslide of case notes, a couple changes of clothes, Alka-Seltzer and eyedrops and microwaved pasta (!) He’s abrasive and snappish and obsessed with the case, and the higher-ups are noticing.

Each member of the BAU tries to reach him, clearly not for the first time.

Prentiss’ intervention scene just slew me. She threw everything she had into it, all her affection and hard-earned wisdom and shared grief, and he quietly handed it all back with “You’re a better person than me, Emily. And I’m okay with that.”

(Confession: even with Rossi in the depths of grief, Shipper!Me is still jumping around going is it finally time for these two?? I have headcanoned them as being friends with extended benefits for years, whenever both are fancy-free and in the same city. They get each other on a very deep level and they’re friends, first and foremost. They could light a fire and yammer about old-school sci-fi writers all night, or shut up and hit the sheets together to forget a bad case.

The last scene in which they’re obviously and appreciatively checking each other out and cracking jokes about not getting laid is not helping.)

Alvez is doing his best largely a solo agent, since the team have been split up into single SSA units rather than partners. He consults with JJ regularly, and she backs him up in dealing with Rossi’s outbursts. We get less insight into his inner life than the others, but it’s clear he’s concerned about the team, and is trying to bring in enough solves to prove their worth.

Penelope! Is! Back! She’s living her best damn life, and has new firm boundary skills. As always, she has a lot going on - her Anglophile Baking Club, and mentoring small genius security network coders on the super-secure young adult chat site she developed, for starters. The look on her face when Alvez knocks on her door is priceless, as is their banter, picked up without a pause from S15. (I may have replayed, “Take your carbs and exit, sir”, a few times.)

Garcia’s turn at Getting Through to Rossi is magic. Whether she had the right words or whether it was just the right time makes no difference - it was a gorgeous scene. The power of Garcia is highest when she is just herself, not trying to offer well-known words of advice. She manages to deliver a sound waking-up as well as a shift in perspective. And clearly he hadn’t let anyone hug him in a long time. Clingy Rossi is rather sweet, but don’t tell him that.

In contrast, the lighting as Rossi leads Garcia back to her old lair is like returning to Kansas before the tornado. I hoped for a moment that her decorations would still be up, but as we enter, we see tidy piles of boxes, a rank of dark monitors on the grey walls, and a starkly clean desk. But as she logs in, each monitor pops awake in determined pastels, and we see her retrieve the pink post-it note that she’d left for the next incumbent of the room - not knowing it would be her. We don’t see what she wrote, and we never will, and that’s as it should be. It’s a wrench seeing her step back into the darkness of her old life, but it’s also a triumph. She’s still got it, and it’s on her terms now.

Lastly, but far from least, JJ quietly shines in these opening episodes as a stalwart, seasoned profiler, nearing the top of her current skill set and about ready for a bump up the ladder. She’s been emotionally anchoring the team while trying to work harder than ever to ensure their future as a unit, and it’s telling on her. She and Will hardly see each other, Henry has his first girlfriend, and she’s missing them all. But she’s resourceful as ever, and Will is his rock-solid self. They’ll find ways to make their schedules, um, meld together. On the kitchen counter if need be.

(If Rossi retires and he and Prentiss get together and JJ steps up as the new Hotch and maybe gets to stay in DC more, and if they get the jet back along with Reid and Simmons...)

[imjustaf444keriguess]

I meant ableism towards plurality and systemhood specifically

yeah which is common but that's more from anti-systems fighting against any system. you can be ableist towards plurality and systemhood things, even if the person isn't disordered due to their plurality.

though most the time i see anti endos being ableist is not them being "i don't believe they're scientifically possible", it's more "endogenics are delusional and trying to brainwash others into being fake systems" and such. which would be ableist imo regardless if endogenic systems are real or not.

being plural in the first place is something that is typically not supposed to happen in the human brain.

i disagree. the human brain is already very "diverse" in some ways, and even singlets have "multiple parts" in some ways. IFS is a great example, with the subpersonalities being parts of everyone. the difference in full on systems is the differentiation between those parts and self identification.

if you're someone with DID but don't identify as a system and see yourself as a singular person, you might not relate to plurals and other systems. you might relate more with people who "just" have PTSD, or those who identify as "one".

then there's those who are slightly separated, and then those who identify as entirely separate people. since "selfhood" is a subjective and philosophical concept, you can't exactly prove that one body is "literally 100% actually separate people in the brain", unless you were to give a scientific basis on what a "self" and a "separate person" is.

If it happens then it happens, but there is a good chance that it is likely the result of hinderance in development, which is why it’s important to get it checked to make sure that it’s not affecting you negatively right now and that it won’t affect you negatively in the future.

while i disagree that it's "likely the result of hinderance in development", i do think that if it's affecting you in some way, talking to a therapist or doctor about it is important. even in perfectly "healthy" systems, it might still affect you in ways you don't realize, and even singlets have trouble communicating with others, so getting therapy to make sure you're taking care of yourselves is important. and i do think many systems are also going to be affected by trauma (regardless of if you were formed from it), so going to therapy to deal with that potential issue is good.

as for the second point ad plurality in general, theres still a lot that we don’t know about. Heck I could be wrong about it completely and find out more about how plurality actually existed in history and throughout evolution and how the brain actually develops non traumagenic plurality.

there's quite a bit of research out there, but people in the past would not have used the same language as we do now. some may describe their "Actually Plural" experience as imaginary friends, or spirits, or similar labels that nowadays we see as different (or sometimes "not real" like systems are), but if we look far back into history enough, we'd go into times where they did not even know of DID.

i do think there's more stuff to be researched as well by scientists, but there's also quite a bit out there that likely already exists that we (as in me and you) have not seen/read yet.

(Also on your point on non traumagenic systems relating to CDD systems, if you relate to CDD systems but know that your plurality is fine, then great! We only suggest that you look into it especially if you relate to parts of the CDD systems experience that have nothing to do with alters at all, like dissociation, memory loss, or ptsd episodes, because there could be something else going on)

yeah, do keep in mind why you relate to someone else, and what that could mean. if you think you're endogenic, but then relate to the flashbacks and memory loss, then consider talking to a therapist. maybe in the end you'll still use the endogenic label, but making sure you have the skills to deal with trauma (past and future trauma) is important in times where trauma seems to be the norm and putting yourself in stressful, and sometimes even traumatizing situations is encouraged by many, sadly.

Ive seen non traumagenic systems online claim to have dealt with ableism regarding their plurality and calling anti endos ableist and sometimes it makes me wonder if they even realize what they’re saying.

Let me point out two very important things…

1, anti endos are not ableist, we’re literally trying to defend our disorder because it’s already stigmatized and demonized a lot by social media and having non traumagenic people associate themselves with us in any remote way makes it harder to convince people to take CDD systems seriously. Yes, some anti endos are rude, mean, and sometimes bullies, and thats not right because people shouldn’t be hurting each other, but you need to understand that the level of trauma systems have been through to even get a CDD is severe (in a subjective standpoint since everyone experiences and processes trauma differently), so when we see people who are like us without the bad parts, without the memory loss or the trauma, we see it as a mockery 90% of the time, as something that invalidates our experiences that we didn’t ask for. Not all traumagenic systems have gone through recovery, which means many will carry negative traits and habits that they picked up from their trauma, us included. We have not gone through any sort of recovery yet and we will make mistakes, it’s just how our disorder is at the moment, but it doesn’t excuse our actions and we should be held accountable if we make a mistake. If you are being harassed by anti endos, then walk away and block the person.

You can’t expect CDD systems to be nice to you, especially when a lot of us have dealt with ableism and trauma from non traumagenic systems. It’s the Internet, if you don’t like something, scroll.

2, if your non traumagenic plurality doesn’t hinder your life and make it difficult to live then it’s not a disability. If it’s something you willed into existence and quite literally asked for (talking about willowgenics and tulpas to some extent) then it’s not a disability. And if it does affect your life negatively then it’s something that you should actually get checked because chances are, you’re probably otherwise traumagenic or deal with something else with similar symptoms. There may not be enough research on CDDs and non traumagenic plurality but if it actually is making your life difficult then you need to seek help, because regardless of your origin, plurality is not normal. Humans are not supposed to have multiple parts/alters because our brains are not meant to handle separate parts that way without leaving negative consequences; at most we are supposed to have a 3 dimensional identity that is still one whole and can change and adapt over time, but also shouldn’t affect your memory, your mental health, or impact your life negatively.

Ableism is hate targeted towards disabled people, which can include autistic people, people with ADHD, people in wheelchairs, people who wear glasses or are legally blind, cane users, nonverbal people, people with personality disorders, people with schizophrenia, and of course, people with a CDD. Every single disabled person will tell you that they did not ask for this disability and would rather be normal instead, because like we said, disabilities impact peoples lives negatively.

If you’re someone who genuinely understands the struggles CDD systems face yet also deal with non traumagenic plurality, then you would know when to not overstep and push CDD systems at their limit. You would know to not misuse medical terms which are meant for CDD systems to use. You would know to look into your plurality and see if it is truly non traumagenic or if it’s an actual disorder or a CDD and get treatment, rather than taking no action on it. You would know to stay away from CDD spaces and not invade them.

Plurality is not studied enough, and theres a good chance that there might be an answer to what causes non traumagenic plurality or what it even is, but regardless of what it is, it is definitely not comparable to a CDD. If you relate more with CDD systems than non traumagenic systems, then you really should look into it.

[who-is-page]

re post 700126918662668289 - like i get what you're saying, but i think the community needs to take more seriously the concerns about gatekeeping. there are people who, while calling what they're doing just anti-KFF, do stuff like enforce rigid term boundaries, keep 'linkers from using the term "otherkin" as an umbrella term for alterhuman experiences *as there is a long history of doing*, etc. i've seen a lot of them. *this* is what we're worried about, not calling ableists out on their shit

I mean, shrug? Anon, if someone tells another person that they're using the wrong word for their experience, that's kind of an inevitable issue to some degree. If people are seeing the language issue of KFF and reacting to it by putting pressure on language across the board, then that still seems like a problem that isn't going to be solved until the original cause is actually addressed.

Also, otherkin isn't and shouldn't be an umbrella term for all alterhuman experiences-- that's why the term alterhuman was proposed in the first place, to help offer an alternative opt-in label that was open to anyone, no questions asked. Like, not my monkey therian not my circus, but there's no reason to try and pull otherkin to reference all alterhuman phenomena when the term alterhuman is pretty well known and liked already. That's confusing at best, and yeah, likely going to piss people off at worst when they feel like someone is intentionally misrepresenting their identity and community to others by advertising it as a much broader umbrella term than it actually is.

I'd also say that that claim of historically using otherkin as an umbrella for all alterhuman experiences isn't really substantiated. Otherhearted folks split specifically because they didn't feel the term 'kin accurately applied to their experiences; vampires were only put under the umbrella for a short time, it seems, and that died out likely because the experiences are too drastically different; the concept of human factkin was coined by a troll, and prior to that animal factkin was considered a Were/Therian experience historically though it largely fell out of the spotlight in the 2010's seemingly; theriomythic was coined explicitly to be a subset of neither the therian nor otherkin community; I'm genuinely not sure if othervagues were ever a widely-known or established thing by a different name at any point in community history; furries stopped being considered therians and weres seemingly around the time the community was starting to merge in a lot of ways with the otherkin community, at least from what I've seen from furry fandom vs. otherkin in the 2000's; etc. Otherkin was different twenty years ago: wider in some ways of who it would accept, but narrower in others. But it wasn't the umbrella term that we use alterhuman for now, and people who try to fit it into that niche are going to be disappointed.

Either way, I still think that people would get more luck arguing with language-based serious gatekeeping by taking stress off the people who feel like they're already cornered animals from the KFF issue. If someone already feels like they've lost parts of a community or Internet culture that's important or meaningful to them, then they're going to be on the defensive and reacting even more aggressively to things they perceive as in the same vein. Telling them "You're wrong and gatekeeping," isn't going to get them to stop and have a thoughtful discussion with you, full of nuance and mutual understanding. It's going to raise their hackles and get you blocked, because they view you as being the aggressor. There's likely not going to be any progress made on the language gatekeeping until people feel comfortable and secure enough to engage in that type of discussion with good-will and empathy. Which right now, a lot of people seemingly don't. Frankly, not to be cynical, but I don't think we'll ever reach that point with the way the community is now, because so many people are angry and feel hurt, and also because I'm already seeing some concerning ideas and patterns raise their heads in community spaces that I have a sinking feeling are going to bloom from this nonsense and then cause more havoc down the line. (The constantly unaddressed Zoo stuff in the therian community is something I felt the same way about fourish years ago and, lo(l) and behold, now it's a Problem.) I'm in a position of, "eh, I'll give it five or ten years" myself.

(You're also always going to have some amount of people who are like, "no, these experiences do not belong under the umbrella." It's unavoidable, and sometimes people have decent historical backing to their arguments. But I recognize that it seems like you're talking about a more pervasive issue than just the regular old language discourses that've been a part of the community since age memoriam. Still, don't expect to be able to get rid of all of it, it's just a part of People Having Opinions.)

[mellometal]

Hi, everyone.

I have something extremely important to talk about that is NOT fandom related. I really do hope this can reach everyone on here, especially since it's still Autism Acceptance Month.

A few quick questions for anyone who happens to see this before I dive right into this: Have you ever heard of Dhar Mann? If so, have you ever seen his videos? What do you think about them?

If you don't know who Dhar Mann is, he's a content creator whose main platforms are Instagram and YouTube. He makes these videos about various scenarios from a couple on the brink of divorce, to kids bullying one of their peers, even about Autism Spectrum Disorder. All of his videos have some kind of message at the end that really drives the point home. One of his most recent videos is about ASD, which is what I'm going to discuss today.

Personally, I think some of his videos are interesting, despite the concepts being reused and recycled over and over; however, how I feel about the video he made about ASD is the complete opposite. I'll summarize the video he made so you don't have to watch it. (If you really want to watch it to see exactly what I'm talking about, I'm not gonna stop you. Do what you need to do in order to form your own opinion.)

The video Dhar Mann made about ASD is about this boy who excludes his autistic brother from participating in activities with his friends at school. The boy bullies his autistic brother and does pretty much everything to make his brother's life Hell, even going as far as to pretend that he doesn't know his own brother. The boy "instantly regrets his decision" when their mom is called into the school to discipline her son for bullying his autistic brother. What his mother says is what REALLY upsets me. The message of this video in particular is this, WORD FOR FUCKING WORD. I wish I was kidding. But here's the message below:

How the video concludes is the boy reluctantly includes his autistic brother in every single activity, the boy sees his brother's potential, and they live happily ever after. Whoop-dee-fucking-doo.

As an autistic woman who works with disabled people for a living, that message Dhar Mann put in this video specifically is not only extremely ableist, but is also spreading misinformation about ASD.

News flash to all the people who still spread misinformation about ASD: Not every single autistic person is a little white boy in elementary school, nor is every single autistic person a young white man who's a Super Genius™️. (I could go on all day long about how the media stereotypes autistic characters and autistic people in general, but that's a whole other topic.) No autistic person is the same, meaning we all fall on the spectrum in different places and all that jazz. There's no "look" to autistic people either because no autistic person looks the same.

Autistic women exist.

Autistic girls exist.

Autistic nonbinary people exist.

Autistic BIPOC and AAPI exist.

Autistic people who are completely nonverbal exist.

Autistic people who are completely verbal exist.

Autistic people who are in the middle of being nonverbal and verbal exist.

Autistic people who require minimal to no support exist.

Autistic people who require moderate support exist.

Autistic people who require full support exist.

Autistic LGBT people exist. (Reason why I bring this one up is because the media almost always shows cishet autistic men and I don't see autistic LGBT representation very often, if ever.)

Autism isn't something you can "catch". People have this same mentality about ADHD and Tourette's Syndrome too, which, by the way, you can't "catch" either.

Autism doesn't "go away" when you reach adolescence or adulthood. Why? BECAUSE AUTISTIC TEENAGERS AND AUTISTIC ADULTS EXIST. Autistic kids grow into autistic teenagers, then into autistic adults.

You can't "cure" it either. Unless you can build a time machine and a device to go back in time to change how a person's brain develops, there is no cure. ABA therapy is a fucking shit show in itself that does more harm than good.

The title of the video is a real squick for me too. It's mostly because I don't particularly enjoy people using person first language (the "boy with autism" part). I've seen many other autistic people on multiple other platforms sharing that same sentiment and preferring identity first language (autistic person). There are also others who prefer using person first language and those who don't have a preference. That's all perfectly valid. Whatever you prefer people using when referring to you, or whatever you refer to yourself as, in this case, is totally valid and I love you. This goes for disabilities in general, not just Autism Spectrum Disorder.

Regarding the message in this video, here's my response to it! A quick heads-up, my response is VERY long and VERY passionate. I was VERY close to making a response video where I tear that video apart AND tear Dhar Mann a new asshole. Unfortunately, it worked me up so much that I was really struggling with what I wanted to say and I had to stop multiple times because I kept stumbling on my words. That's how angry this message made me. I'll try my best to explain whatever parts you have questions about. I put my response in the nicest way I possibly could, despite me seething with rage, wanting to go OFF on him.

(The first part of my response are the first three screenshots, and the second part are the last three screenshots.)

The first part of my response, I did forget to add that the message is offensive and disrespectful to autistic people as a whole. I apologize. My initial comment got way too long. I pretty much covered that when I told him the message is ableist. I wanted to clear that up before anyone asks about it.

The second part of my response is me opening up about my experience with being diagnosed with ASD, formerly known as As//per//ger's Syn//dro//me, at sixteen years old. I also went into how not calling ASD what it truly is (which is a disability) and calling it a "different ability" instead is extremely harmful and is treating being disabled like it's a bad thing.

By the way, saying that a disabled person is disabled isn't a bad thing. I'm disabled. It is what it is. Does it have its challenges? You bet. Does it help me with certain things? Hell yeah. I can really absorb information about my favorite bands, characters, shows, books, etc., and tell you a lot about those things. For example, I can tell you that Su can't ride a bike or read manga and she's okay with that. I can also tell you she can't tie her shoes very well, which is why her boots don't have laces and are slip-on and/or zip-up. But that doesn't mean my struggles are nonexistent or that I never struggle. I do, and it makes my life Hell at times.

The narrative that autism is a bad thing to have, every autistic person is somehow broken and they all need to be "fixed" is also super fucked up and not true. That's the narrative that I received when I was diagnosed by a therapist I had. I'm gonna be real here, I cried when I was first told that I was diagnosed with ASD. I felt like I was broken. I already felt like a total outcast. Being told about my diagnosis made me feel even more broken than I already felt. I was so ashamed of myself, despite me not doing anything wrong whatsoever, that I masked for SEVEN YEARS of my life. I masked for so long that I forgot I was even diagnosed with ASD in the first place. I wasn't taught how to really put my special interests into good use. I kinda had to figure that out on my own. I was pretty much under the assumption that me being interested in anime, cartoons, music, comics, theatre, writing, etc., to the point of obsession, was somehow weird and hurting people around me. You know, despite those things being harmless. Despite me being able to separate those things from other things that are important (like work, for example). Despite my only surviving parent, other family members, and the woman he was dating at the time completely overreacting and not bothering to see exactly what makes these things so special to me.

(By the way, having a disability does not completely make who a person is. There are a lot more things that make who a person is than that.)

It's kinda shocking that I wasn't able to come to terms with my diagnosis until this year. Considering that I masked for so long due to being ashamed of myself, plus being treated like a burden for being disabled, it's probably not very surprising. I initially thought at the time that it was the worst thing to have, as I was already struggling with enough shit back then, but came to realize it's not a bad thing. It doesn't change who I am. But I'm glad I came to terms with it finally nonetheless.

This is getting way too long, so I'm gonna wrap things up here. If you've read this far, thank you so much. I'm sorry this got so long!

If you watched the video, what are your thoughts on it? If this is your first time hearing about Dhar Mann, how do you feel about him? If you're a Dhar Mann fan, did this change your opinion on him in any way? Feel free to sound off in the comments!

Have a great day, everyone!

[transmeds]

My apologies, another person in your replies said “Anon you realize that exact logic is and HAS been used to justify the deliberate misgendering of trans people, right” and I thought it was you. Anyhow, there is no reason to get so nasty, I’m just asking you to explain your thoughts on this since you frequently post in the tags with your opinions. Being a “boy” or a “girl” is a social role, not necessarily a gender. So, yeah, it’s possible to take on a different gender role than the one associated with your gender. Since roles are often conflated with gender, they tend to be used interchangeably. People who are PNC often use “wrong” pronouns to express their complicated relationship with gender identity. Aside from this, some people use certain pronouns for themselves because they simply enjoy them, which is their own prerogative. So, then, you’re against being PNC because 1) it’s too complicated for you personally to process and that is somehow deserving of your vitriol and 2) you feel that English grammar and syntax rules are more important than respecting people’s referential language? How is challenging language any different than challenging gender stereotypes, as one would do being GNC? Do you prioritize your comfort over the dignity of other transgender people, or do you seriously think that language is sacred? Words are created all the time and definitions change with their usage. It sounds that rather than even attempt to accommodate your brethren, you would prefer to latch on to the anti-PNC position so you have some excuse to not challenge your notions of “gendered” language. As a person with an auditory processing disorder myself that impacts my life greatly, that is not an excuse for you not to better yourself, even if it is difficult for you. Other people do not deserve your anger for simply existing with pronouns that challenging the status quo. If you *definitively and actively know* a person’s pronouns are contrary to their appearance or identity and you refuse to even try to refer to them properly, that is not an issue with processing, but with conflating pronouns with gender identity at the best and willfully choosing to disrespect them at the worst. That can’t be explained away by saying you have a processing disorder. Do not attempt to paint being PNC as ableist because you are unwilling to challenge your deep-seeded, actively obsolescent beliefs. Having a processing disorder makes people rely on context. If you are communicating with or about someone whose pronouns you know, PNC or otherwise, you have been provided the context. You are choosing to either ignore it for your own comfort and a lack of desire to improve yourself or because you think language is more important than people. If I’m wrong, prove it.

i didnt mean to get nasty i just dnt have a good concept of whats too mean n stuff.

i love that you consistently add more to what i am saying and look to deep into it to paint me as a bad person but i will get to that later. its hard to pay attention to one thing at a time but i will try 2 go in order.

being a boy or girl isnt a social role,, its just being a girl or boy?? like a kid female n kid male like. thats not a role thts a fucking.. way to describe someones gender when theyre a kid?? like i cannot even understand why i have to say that. wtf do u think being a girl/boy is?? its a way to describe someones gender, like pronouns. not a role or gender expression.

im not against it because its too complicated or that i want to disrespect ppls pronouns or something like that you want to put into my mouth. challenging a language is different than challenging gender rules because language was made with a purpose and one that still matters today. gender roles never served a solid purpose, them getting removed doesn't matter at all.

this is really pointless because youre going to keep refusing to recognize that language is important and that pronouns aren't something that you just use to make yourself happy, they are a tool in language that serve two singular purposes. to replace a name. and to describe the person in a gendered way. getting rid of gender should just mean getting rid of pronouns all together because they are pointless without any description of the person that they are being used for. because then you cant fucking tell who they're talking about at all. this is why robots struggle with pronouns :)

its funny to me that you add "appearance" to "identity" as if 1. they match. 2. that i at all ever said they have to watch appearance. if you didnt know im NOT PASSING. 3. as if appearance matters <3

this isnt about me wanting to be rude or not challenge gender roles or anything, im a very gnc man myself. this is about the fact that pronouns only real purpose is to tell you what gender someone is, not if they're masculine or feminine or just like the sound of them. this is why getting called "she/her" makes the majority trans men dysphoric, but why wearing dresses or having traditionally feminine roles won't make the majority of them dysphoric.

you clearly aren't listening to what im saying so i dont see why you insist on replying and putting things in my mouth from finding excuses like "someone else said it" to whatever youre going to make for trying to say i just dont like people who r pnc and am using processing an an excuse, instead of an example of why its important this time.

language isnt more important than people, but people can not exist as is without a way of communicating. trying to tear down communication because you dont like its rules just make what it is to be human harder to be. i cannot be myself to anyone else if there is no words to describe who i am in a strictly male or unrelated sense. there's a difference verison of you to every person you know, and you can't make it remotely accurate without the words to express it.

[quitethepirategal]

An Analysis in Threes

❥ TAGGED BY: @emcads​ like 30 years ago ❥ TAGGING: @riidcr​ @starsailingcaptain​ @covencrown​ @hookd​ @all-fleshed-out​ @evermxre​ @motherofredemption​ @bup1957​ @conquistadoradelmar​ @seaprofound​ @tcthinecwnself​ @withinycu​ @windguided​ @daevilhorns​ @concordia-cum-sinistro​ and YOU and I spent like 8 hours on this so pLEASE READ IT PLEASE I AM BEGGING I NEED VALIDATION I’M-

     repost don’t reblog. yall dont have to type this much.

MUSE: Captain Red Handed Jessica

Three Strengths:

     Her adaptability and resourcefulness.  Is she brave, yes.  Is she lucky, also yes.   But over all, she can roll with the cards she’s been dealt in a way that many would call inhumanly clever.  Her intelligence, her perception, and her charisma are all different ingredients of this indomitable characteristic of hers.  She can see the value in just about anything and anyone, can pick up on clues and tangents few others can follow, and can remember seemingly endless details, tho unfortunately not on command.  But even then, her patchy memory seems to contribute to this adaptability as well, as it usually allows for detachment.  If she can find resources everywhere, it means she can survive everywhere. There have been countless times where the wheel of fortune has suddenly turned on her and she’d lost near everything and her response was more or less Damn, ok I need food water and shelter lets go.  No food?  Grow food.  No water?  Ask someone if they have water.  No shelter?  Sleep outside.  No money?  Steal money.  Can’t hear anymore?  Cool I can use loud weapons.  Crashed on an island?  My island now.  Shot?  Free bullet.  She knows when to push, she knows when to quit, and sometimes she knows when to gamble based on her ability ( what a man can do and what he can’t do and all that ).  Strong she may be, she knows its foolish to rely on strength.  Survival of the fittest actually rarely means survival of the strongest. ( edit; this is the theme for the entirety of her character. I will say it 50,000 times. I am very sorry ).  And as a student of philosophy and biology, she understands that phrase better than most. Leading to our next point.

     Her understanding.  As I stated, her charisma is something unmatched, and is a key element in all three of her strengths.  This charisma might not exist as prominently were it not for her ability to understand.  She has limited ( I’ll get back to that ) but deep running empathy and while not terribly observant all the time, she is always perceptive.  Not only that, but she’s personally known abuse, hardship, and uncertainty, and understands that hate or anger can be rooted in similar pain.  She was schooled lightly in both Christian and Buddhist values before diving heavily into democratic philosophy, meaning she believes all being experience suffering and therefore kindness is a powerful sign of strength, but also that suffering while free and equal is better than comfort in oppression.  And between her sweet words and beautiful face, she can get most people to open up in ways they themselves my not have expected.  Being very good with people means she can learn from them, gain something from them, lead them, and/or use them.  But Jessica isn’t a manipulator in truth; her intentions are almost always kind or healthy ones.  She absolutely uses people from time to time but not EVER without them consenting to or being made aware of such because again, unlike a manipulative person, she understands that can ruin a relationship and therefore ruin a resource.  What it makes for is an excellent leader, a beloved captain, and a trusted ally at most and an excellent conversationalist at the least.      But her understanding isn’t just social, oh no.  It’s academic as well.  Armed only with his little library and the lessons of his own teachers, Jessica’s foster father tirelessly smithed her into a not just a girl who knew a lot of things, but a truly intelligent, thinking mind. He’d die before learning he’d succeeded tenfold.  Jessica isn’t one to just except things as they are, facts or otherwise.  She usually needs to prove it, experiment, see things from a new angle.  Debates with her are fun!  She has no issue admitting she’s wrong or confessing she’s never thought of it that way, and is actually wrong a lot of the time.  It doesn’t bruise her ego, it excites her.  It means there’s more to learn.  And her ability to constantly understand new concepts paired with her ability to overwhelmingly understand people combine to make for a very powerful core idea of hers:  We are fittest to survive because we all fit together.  Our humanity, our empathy, our community are our strengths because they keep us united, which keeps us the fittest.  No one is independent, no man is an island.  People are power. And thus her final strength is just that.

     Her power.  While she and I still firmly state that strength isn’t everything don’t be disillusioned; its very goddamn important.  And it’s something Jessica has plenty of.  She is durable and clever because of her rocky early childhood, she is quick and versatile from her youth in a pirate port, she is physically strong and mighty from her years training in martial arts, and she’s an absolute crackshot after years of diligent practice with her trusty pistols.  Her true strength may lie in her brains and in her allies yes, but even without them, Red Jessica is a powerhouse of a warrior.  She can end fights extremely quickly or run from them without a prayer of catching her ( no shame in the later, both skills keep you alive ).  And it may be in bad taste to say, but ever since loosing most of her hearing, Jess swears up and down it’s made her vision better, her reaction time faster, and her quick thinking even quicker.  Yes of course she’s slowed down with age, but a bullet shoots at the same speed no matter how old you are.  And you best hope she didn’t bring her firecrackers, because while sudden loud noises will absolutely temporarily discombobulate or debilitate an opponent with healthy hearing, it’ll hardly effect her at all and suddenly, you’re a sitting duck.  You see those thighs?  You see those calves?  She can crush PINEAPPLES with them!  People have seen her do it!  Do you know how many micro-fractures broke and rebuilt those hands?  Thousands!  She can crush a trachea like a fucking beer can!  She can kick you to death!  One ill placed curb stomp and you are DECEASED.  Sometimes she’ll just psyche you out because she KNOWS you know she can kill your stupid ass!       But while her strength, mental and physical, have always been there, her power is relatively new.  As stated before, people are power.  Not knowledge, not money, not strength.  People.  She’s a fearsome warrior but she’d be useless if outnumbered.  Shes a very successful pirate, but she’d never make it out of port without a crew on her ship.  She found a gorgeous island, but it’d still be wild without those who built it’s piers and buildings.  She manages orchards and tends to them and harvests them herself, but she would loose all of her crop without the helping hands of her employed farmers.  And like I mentioned, she deeply understands this.  Freedom is not independence or vice versa.  Did you make the clothes on your back or the fabric that made those clothes?  Did you write the books you read to make you smarter or teach you that skill?  Did you plant the seed years ago that grew that orange you’re eating?  No, of course not.  Jessica didn’t either.  Another human did.  We all need each other to fill the holes in our lives that we can’t fill ourselves.  Humans are puzzle pieces in that way, there is no bigger picture or prayer for survival on our own.  And because of this, we can do anything we as a community, as a SPECIES work together to achieve.  There is no knowledge if there’s no one to learn from, there is no money if a society don’t give it value, your money is worthless if those you’re paying decide to rise against you, your role as leader only exists at the consent of those you lead, and your strength won’t save you from a sinking ship.  People are, and always will be, power.       And as someone who is exceptionally strong and exceedingly smart, Jessica has slotted herself in the humanity puzzle thusly: The strong exist to protect the weak, the smart exist to educate, and the lucky exist so the unlucky may be given aid.  And it is with this fairness and compassion that she has won the trust of so many.  She has a great many friends and allies even outside of those in her crew or on her island.  And she can make many more with ease.  That kind of power is not a power to be trifled with, even if she can kick your ass six ways to Saturday without it. 

Three Weaknesses:

     She suffers ADHD.  Now before ANY OF Y’ALL SAY ANYTHING, I myself also suffer ADHD.  And yes I do say suffer because well that’s what it causes for Jessica and I, suffering.  Yes, it is ableist language to say ‘suffering from’ rather than ‘has’ or ‘is diagnosed with’ and yes it perpetuates a stigma against us but god DAMN IT in both Jessica’s case and mine, it make life much much harder than it needs to be.  At the end of the day, Red Jessica is a fantasy of mine; I pour myself into her whether I mean to or not.  She’s the adult I wish I was, the person I might be if I had no anxiety, or brainfog, or lived in a world were I didn’t need a credit score or a degree. And even then, I can’t say I know anyone else’s problems better than my own.  So if my character has problems, by sheer osmosis they are going to reflect some of mine.  Both of the characters I write have ADHD because I have ADHD and I couldn’t even begin to know how a non-ADHD mind works to write it properly.  And no, I’m not being dramatic when I say it causes me suffering.  I can’t drive, I can’t hold down a job, I nearly flunked out of school, I still cant read very fast or spell very well, I am constantly overwhelmed by mundane things, I’m a slow learner, I forget very important things or recent things, I forget about things that mean the world to me, I forget about people, I stumble through tasks, I procrastinate hobbies and basic hygiene, and everything I do takes all goddamn day and I can only really do one important thing at a time and in order of importance.  If I have a date at 4pm, I’m dressed and ready at 11am because I’ve gotta do the important thing first or else I will forget to do the important thing.  I started typing this at a little before 5pm.  It’s 7;30.  It’ll probably be 10 o’clock at night by the time I fucking finish ( edit: l m a o its 1am bitch you thought ).  I’m 26 and am just medicated enough to barely function.  So yeah.  Suffering is the word.       Though for Jessica, perhaps suffering is a tad strong of a word.  Her ADHD affects her ability to function in far less debilitating ways ( though whether that’s a result of a less severe diagnosis than me or the result of the society, situations, and responsibilities she functions in and around are far different from mine, who’s to say ).  For her, she has very consuming hyperfixations that can last anywhere between weeks to decades, a spotty memory that is detail and memento oriented,  she’s scatterbrained more often then not but can focus with amazing clarity on her interests or in high adrenaline situations, is is ABYSMALLY bad at math and EXCRUCIATINGLY bad with numbers ( as opposed to me, who is good at numbers but shit at spelling or reading ), she can forget anything no matter how important it is to her or to anyone, she’s bad with names and dates, is COMPLETELY time-blind, has trouble prioritizing, and of course, wile not actually that materialistic, she absolutely has the ol’ magpie instinct.       While her poor memory assists in her adaptability and ability to move on, it also means she forgets things she needed to remember, like when the last time she bathed was and who this person is and what happened between her and someone else or what conversation’s shes had.  Unfortunately this means she’s a very good friend and leader... while you’re around and interacting with her on at least a weekly basis.  It’s almost a lack of object permanence in both a social and very real sense.  If something is not right in front of her, odds are she’s not going to think about it.  And while its something she constantly kicks herself for and actively tries to be better about, it applies to people too.  Face to face is the best way to interact with her; she won’t think to write you and in her modern verse she won’t think to ever call and she’ll text you back in perhaps a few days.  She doesn’t value you any less, I promise.  She’s just either distracted or overwhelmed.  Also, for someone as understanding as her, she is surprisingly self-centered.  Not selfish, self-centered.  She’ll talk about herself more than she should, and will assume people understand that she’s doing so as a form of showing empathy rather than bragging when they may not know this at all.  Actually she accidentally assumes all the time.  It was far worse when her hearing was functional; she’d finish your sentence for you or guess what it was you were going to say ( again, not to talk over, you but to show she understands you and the conversation, tho it usually came of as annoying or patronizing ).  Sometimes she mistakenly assumes you believe or know the same things she does without even realizing it.  Maybe she perceives the right idea off of someone but isn’t observant enough to notice anything past that.  And while she is willing to change her mind about things, she might change her mind a tad too quickly.  She’s an over-sharer and is horrible at keeping any kind of secret.  Romantic relationships tend to fizzle out. Her impulse control is improving but has a VERY long way to go. She’s always chasing something new.       All and all, when you’re a pirate, a librarian, or even a captain, all of these things may be irritating and inconvenient, but are overall manageable in chunks.  ...But as a governor to her island, as a leader of an entire population... oof. In the position of leadership that she’s in, she can’t afford to make too many massive mistakes, and she knows this.  ‘There is no power quite like the power of being underestimated’ is a phase you’ll hear her say a lot but for her, there is a shift in connotation.  If people expect less and you do more that’s a great upper hand in any situation but for her, it was a safety net.  Having ADHD sometimes means going months or years being fine and then eventually you fuck up and everyone around you wonders how in the world you managed to do that.  She has only barely avoided disaster more times than she’d like to admit.  Even with the resourcefulness, the understanding, and the power she wields, she’s finally starting to realize that she’s bit off more than she might be able to chew, with the entire well-beings and livelihoods of others on the line.  And she fears that one day she’ll play her cards wrong and everything she’d built, everything she’s done, will all come crashing down in ruin.

     She is Hard of Hearing.  This one is literally as simple as it sounds: she has moderate and degenerative hearing loss and tinnitus after years of canons, explosions, gunshots, and a definitive, scale tipping attack in her early 30s.  Her ears just don’t work at all like they used to.  The whole world sounds like it would if everything was underwater: she can’t pin point the location of sounds, how far off or close sounds are, and barely registers changes in volume. And it only gets worse the older she gets; one day she won’t hear anything at all.  And while yes, again, it might be very harsh and ableist to say, the truth of the matter that being deaf a “ weakness ” more often than its a strength.       That said, it very well can be a strength.  I’ve already mentioned that trick with the firecrackers and let me tell you it is a DAMN EFFECTIVE TRICK.  Shes around explosions and canons and guns all the time and now she can focus while being around them five times better than she could in the past!  But unfortunately it also means she’s very easy to sneak up on, she sometimes isn’t aware of danger until it’s nearly too late,  no one can get her attention or warn her across any distance, it’s very easy to escape from her, and it’s easy for her to be just... left out of things.  She might hear you talking, but she has little to no idea what you’re saying without sign or lipreading.  Some people don’t have the patience or even just the courtesy to speak slower, or clearer, or repeat themselves a lot.  Though, those last too thinks aren’t weaknesses of hers so much as they are the weakness of others, but they still negatively affect her self esteem and her effectiveness as a leader.       All of this has taught her to pick her battles carefully, and plan around the elements of surprise and discombobulation.  And while communication was tricky at first, it only got easier, and now she can talk to you almost like anyone can, so long as she’s looking you in the face. 

     That damn bleeding heart.  We have established a number of things that should easily add up to an overly empathetic, trusting, fight-the-good-fight, martyr-some, idealistic pushover;  she believes humanity and kindness are strengths, she has taken on the role of leader and then a provider, she has known suffering and tasked herself with ending the suffering of others to the best of her ability,  she lacks the clarity of mind to assume people aren’t just as good or capable as her automatically, she can have poor impulse control at times,  she wants to have relationships, and ( while I never stated this outright yet it can be inferred  ), she believes that being able to see yourself in others is the foundation of humanity and ( as i did say outright ) humanity is what keeps us unified and unity is what makes us fit and strong.  Keeping up?  Good. Here’s the curve ball: How can she whole hardheartedly preach and believe all of this, to the point of it being the foundation of her character, WHILE BEING A VIOLENT THIEVING AND BLOODTHIRSTY PIRATE?!  HOW, MANGO? HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?! MAKE IT MAKE SENSE!!  Ok, fine, sure, I will. I’m sure about one half of you are looking up from the screen and going “ Oh yeah, wow I totally forgot that bit. “ and the other half got about two and a half paragraphs in before squinting and silently calling bullshit. So let me explain.      In short, she’s a detached hypocrite and is well aware and unashamed of her hypocrisy while far less aware of her detachment. I’ll cover both:  Western culture as a whole seems to be under the impression that hypocrisy, despite context or importance, is automatically bad.  I don’t know where this comes from personally ( my bet is Christianity but I have exactly 0 evidence ) but its a very... flawed idea.  Take the freedom of speech vs racism problem; say you owned a bar where all could speak their mind freely over cold drinks.  Excellent concept without context, right?  Sure. ....Then a die hard racist covered in slurs and symbols walks in and orders- what are you going to do?  The correct answer is to throw him out instantly.  Not let him sit so long as he doesn’t cause trouble, not just ignore him and hope he doesn’t return, you throw him out.  Is it hypocritical?  Yep!  Sure is!  But it is also 100% necessary to protect your other patrons because if you don’t, the racist starts feeling safe and bringing his racist buddies, literally everyone else starts feeling unsafe and starts to hang out elsewhere, and two months later, ta da!  You now own a n*zi bar and there is literally nothing you can do about it. Jessica is in a somewhat similar situation.  You as a pretend bar owner need to make a decision as who to let into your bar and who to throw out for the good of all of your patrons.  Jessica too is faced daily with that decision.  If she want’s to help as many people as possible, the only realistic way she can do that are by protecting those under her leadership... only.  She is surrounded by hateful, angry, sneaky, traitorous, abusive, or otherwise evil people.  Piracy as a profession and poverty in general can do that to a person.  Of course there is a clear difference between those down on their luck and desperate, and the truly cruel and twisted, but unfortunately both types of people yield the same wrongdoings.  It’s absolutely her nature to extend a hand to anyone and everyone but.... she just can’t anymore.  Too many times has her trust been betrayed, too many times has she gotten in peoples business trying to be helpful, only for her to absolutely bite her in the ass.  Too many time the extended hand is bitten and once or twice, she’s actually made things worse.       Now, she will only help someone she loves, someone under her leadership, or someone who seeks her out.  That’s it.  And even then, sometime it manages to bite er in the ass.  But she had to set that hard limit for herself out of necessity, one she does her absolute best to adhere too and... these days she adheres a little too well. That leads us to our next point; what I was alluding to at the beginning of her Understanding essay when I said she has limited but deep running empathy.  That detachment again, courtesy of a very unattached mother and unchecked ADHD. ( It isn’t a strong enough characteristic to even rank as a strength or a weakness but damn if it isn’t an undercurrent to a lot of her motivations and experiences. ) Strangers are fair game that she tries to ignore, but if she even perceives you as a threat, you could be in danger. Like anyone used to violence or perhaps anyone trapped in an us verses them mindset, she can just... flat... turn her empathy off.  Not on command, she’s not a socio or psychopath persay.  But she has become totally numb to the horror of violence via her warrior upbringing that, in her mind, violence can actually be rather fun. Pair that with the fact that she purposely tailored herself to only be empathetic to her allies and boom.  You get a kindhearted killer.  Cops and soldiers in our world do it literally every day.  Actually anyone can do it really, even you if you tried. You don’t have to be evil or even angry to kill or steal or lie... you just have to believe you’re right.

Three Secrets:

     WHAT SECRETS?!  LMAO this bitch is the oversharing queen!! I’ve been typing and pondering her character for literal hours ( its currently 11:16, fuck you adderall ), and I still can not think of a single goddamn secret.  There is nothing about her that at least five random people don’t fucking know about!! The only secrets she has are secrets she knows about other people and even then she is!! literally the worst!! She spills her guts left and right and yet she wants to be a mysterious bitch SO BAD like BABE I love you, you’re precious, but you are a dumbass attention seeking validation chasing adhd CLOWN girl!! Stop telling random people about your hermaphroditism or your dairy allergy or your dead dad or that time you fell asleep in a barrel like that is literally your uber driver Jessica honey come ooooon. I’m skipping this section mom holy fuck.

Three Fears:

     What if she does wrong by everyone who trusts her?  As stated at the end of the ADHD essay, she’s terrified of failing those she leads.  Where it as simple as personal failure, she’d be fine.  Ever if her entire world came crashing down on top of her she’d either die or start back from square one.  Death is a fact of life and her adaptability means she can just dust herself off and move on, so neither her death nor her failures really scare her... But it isn’t just her life and happiness at stake, is it? Not anymore, right?  What started as a leader of a small gang of rebels became a full crew, then a crew became a slew of allies, then those allies built a town and now... now she’s the governor of the Crimson Isle and there are nearly twenty five HUNDRED lives at her mercy.   HER mercy.  One really, really bad mistake could ruin their livelihoods or spark disorder and disloyalty.  And if she died?  Would whoever it is that will take her place be as good to them as she is?  Is she good enough to begin with in the first place? Every day the paperwork gets a little bit thicker, every year there’s a new baby or two.  And the isle has fertile soil sure but will it last?  Are they prepared for a raid or a hurricane?  And if Jessica trusts the wrong people, where her people right to trust her?  ...can I protect them? Can I protect them?! CAN I PROTECT THEM?!

     Who am I if I’m not interesting?  This is, literally, an entirely subconscious fear.  She’s not at all aware it exists and therefor this entry is short. But between her short time with her very unimpressed mother, her own ADHD, she is constantly hungry for attention without even realizing it.  She must be interesting and intriguing and engaging, and I did mention she wants to also be mysterious.  She wants not so much your input or even your validation - but rather if shes not perceived then.... is she really there? Remember, she is unaware of any of this.  And fortunately she’d never been starved for attention to act out over it in the first place, even when her disinterested mother was alive. Look at her; she’s radiant, she’s beautiful, and she’s 6′4 / 195 cm shredded and covered in cool scars. Without even opening her mouth, without even her colorful clothes, she’s kind of automatically interesting.  So she’s never been so desperate for attention that she acts out because she’s never been without it for very long.  But it’s there. Hungry, aching, silent.  Those years after the M branding were horrible and she could never really explain why.  She still throws parties, organizes festivals, and talks to damn near anyone who will listen.  Look at my art!  Look at my library! Listen to how much I know! Let me tell you how lovely you are! Look at my scares! Look at my hair! Look at me haha, please, please look at me. 

     GHOSTS. NOPE. No. NO. Fuck ALL of that noise. Stay dead, go to hell, eat a dick.  Red Jessica is a scientist and superstitious atheist. As an academic and somewhat bi-cultural woman she simply thinks there are far too many religions with far too much history for any of them to be considered The One True Thing You Must Believe Or ElseTM and she tends to not truly believe anything until she finds some kind of proof.  Shes not afraid of the unknown, shes thrilled by it. She’s not afraid of death or the afterlife, that’s beyond her control. She’s only superstitious because she does believe in and value luck, and also its a bit of a cultural habit. BUT IF SOME SHIT STARTS MOVING ON ITS OWN OR IF SHE SEES SOME BULLSHIT IN THE CORNER OF HER EYE THEN SHE IS OUT OF THERE. OUTIE 5000. She has heard the tales of lost souls from purgatory or the eternally ravenous Pret or dangerous Phi Tai Hong or the tragic and startling Banshees or the creepy Santa Compana and she wouldn’t believe a word of it where it not for one thing.      SHE FUCKING SAW ONE. She’ll never forget it, it was the first and last time she EVER attempted to plunder a tomb all Skyrim style and at first she thought it was one of the crewmean being creepy as shit until she got a good look and he was SEE THROUGH AS SHIT AND SKINNY AS FCUK AND SHE GOT LITERALLY CHASED THE FUCK OUT OF THAT JOINT. She does not CARE that some ghosts are just apparitions she does not CARE that some are friendly and trying to warn her of something if you are MOVING and DEAD at the SAME time get FUCKED. If any of y’all cringe try-hards bring a Ouija board to the party you are getting SENT HOME and BLOCKED. NO CAP.

Three Goals:

   She really only has one left. Listen its... almost 1am and ive been typing since like 5pm i think i covered goals somewhere in here but ive gotta throw in the towel but even then I’m kinda being serious.  Her only remaining goal is to find a suitable heir of some kind.  She wants what she’s built to fall into worthey hands but she could never seem to find a good parter and even when she did she couldn’t sustain a pregnancy ( you’d think that would be a huge deal but it hardly mattered to her oddly ).  So at 50 the option of having kids is out but there’s still plenty of hope for either adoption or a protege.  But then again, she’s so busy these days that she hardly prioritizes it like she wants to.  

                                                                               holy shit i need some water...