#there's not as much of that feeling of irreversibility
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
tfw you're so used to the body you're in feeling foreign that you might look in the mirror one day and not even recognize your real self looking back
#that self actualization hitting different#fucked up late night ramblings#there is so much trepidation with hrt that they dont really talk about#im scared that this will change me into something im not#and yet i want to continue#deep down i know i want to keep going#even if things will change#even if things will get a little weird#i caught a glimpse of another version of myself#fuller and happier than before#i have never felt more in control of myself than i have at this moment#but with that control comes a lot of fear that im steering the wrong way#the decision to continue this will be my own and i will make it every day#im extremely scared#but i think this time it's in a good way#there's not as much of that existential dread that i felt when i went through puberty the first time#there's not as much of that feeling of irreversibility#in fact those feelings are barely there at all#idk it's just kind of weird. i feel weird
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
alternate surface au inspired by a few ive seen around on tumblr :3
#my art#pressure roblox#roblox pressure#sebastian solace#painter pressure#thought more abt my headcanons for seb’s anatomy and like. lol that tail is not pure muscle hes got guts in there.#that + the fact that there’s spinal cord in there means itd be a bad idea to try and amputate it#the wagon/eventual wheelchair is mostly for outdoor use i imagine.#<- specificallt]y for outdoor surface textures/debris that’d be bad for him to slither on#also. chronic pain have i dont think suddenly shrinking his whole body did much good for that#i imagine he and painter have like. a pool. to help with that and other needs he has now.#but he wouldnt wanna use it for a long while#there was a sort of. disconnect between his idea of freedom from urbanshade vs the reality of it i think.#like. thinking things could. on some level. go back to normal#and not considering that some of his mutations would be irreversible#and having to confront/cope with/accomodate himself about that#seb wants to be normal again but we cant all get what we want can we!#sometimes healing involves working with or around irreversible change buddy!#btw if feligayzed sees this. hiii hii your au was one of the big things that kicked my brain off on this and i wanna make fanart sometime#oh yeah this is . also.#sebpainter#pressure pathways#pathways#wow i dont think ive written a wall of tags that big in a long time. can you tell im having normal feelings about them
865 notes
·
View notes
Text
honeymoon phase! (ID in alt)
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#me when the modern au fluff gets to me viciously#i LOVE modern au... i'm so weak to it... augh..... i love them in another universe getting the chance to be mushy and sweet *explodes*#most of all i just like to see wolfwood in his full element of being able to love and care about someone so openly and honestly.#it's what he was meant to do... what he wants to do.. what he deserves to do T_T but anyway. this can be interpreted as their many years to#come honeymoon phase but i do think modern au vw would have like their 2 year break up that devastates the both of them and irreversibly#changes their lives but it wouldnt be anything nasty. it just is. and then their lives go on as is for those 2 years before they steadily#and veryyyy very very very slowly get to around a second chance for each other. never necessarily awkward but theyre obviously afraid of#hurting and being hurt and also uncertain of what's right for themselves. but then they'll just get it one day and then they get married!#that's my ideal modern au vision anyway...... happy end... with so much emotional devastation of unspoken feelings and personal life troubl#ruporas art
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
It wasn't by choice ;)
#fnaf#fnaf security breach#five nights at freddy's security breach#fnaf daycare attendant#fnaf daycare attendant oc#fnaf bloodmoon#bloodmoon#fnaf sun#fnaf sundrop#milky way#jester bots and dragons#bloo's art#they cannot conciously fully control their shapeshifting#it's very emotional based and usually instantaneous#so the cause of their change was triggered by some realisation of feelings#and with one this big it's pretty much irreversible#questions and answers#kendrahues
290 notes
·
View notes
Note
I LOVE LINK AND IM SO SORRY FOR THIS but like
How would mc leaving Link for Charles go?
TW: (visible illustrated blood and Mentions of death below the cut!)
“There you are, love.”
A calloused, bloody hand drapes over your quivering shoulder
“Let’s go home”
#starsetven#link 🪻#It wouldn’t go well#To see you leave him for his brother would be a feeling beyond grief.#This would be irreversibly damaging to Links psyche.#it’s going to take a while for him to process- let alone be in the same room as you for quite some time#Link will ensure Charles won’t so much as even glance in your general direction ever again.
59 notes
·
View notes
Text
Reno's ride-or-die policy toward Kafka is outstanding but there's something about Kafka letting the boy 14 years younger than him scolds, drop kicks, handchops etc. on him without getting angry even once. Even when Reno's "don't transform senpai" reached its stupidity peak during the raid on Tachikawa base you'd think Kafka will yell back at him at least once but instead, he just keep his reason in his mind and go ahead. Especially when compared side-by-side with how Iharu reacts to Reno being Reno most of the times.
The same goes to his attitude toward Kikoru when she's in need of help. He don't even smirk or telling her to act better around him. He just help her, encourage her, and telling her she shouldn't be too reckless. Yes he allow himself to goof around, stealthy transforming to get the car back up just to look cool. But when it's really matter, he'll stand to protect her and demand nothing.
It's easy to feel offended, to want to getting back at someone for talking down on you. But Kafka with his life experience understand very well that Reno (being a kid) is just worried, and Kikoru (also being a kid) just want some kind of approval. Kafka might not meet all categories of what social expect from a grown adult (not many does), sometimes he just flat out a manchild but he's definitely not a teenager in adult body by any means.
#falramblingsohecanlives#faltalkskn8#kaiju no. 8#that being said. feel free to cuddle kafka#the man still has that side to him#i wrote this but actually have a lot of smol kafka doodles on my backlog there's no shame#btw Iharu's 'less than mature' response toward reno is very much necessery too#this boy need to learn a lot more before he actually wreck something irreversible
27 notes
·
View notes
Note
I played romance Louis/save Violet for the first time (and last) in my life some days ago and I really didn't expect the game to feel so different without him. Not is his absence only extremely notorious but to quote one of your old posts, the game won't shut up about him.
EVERY SINGLE TIME. They didn't mention Violet even half the times they did with Louis, and it just feels. Awful. Constant reminder that you left him get taken, that he's being tortured and traumatized. It really did hit different, I wanted to think about all the details for Violet's route but I couldn't. THEY KEPT BRINGING HIM UP LIKE OK !! I GET IT !! I KNOW, IM COMING TO HIS RESCUE
and in the end I ended up getting mad Violet suddenly forgot about his existence. I remember you talked about that a lot but since I hadn't experienced it I hadn't realized how bad it was.
When she didn't mentioned him even ONCE, not in the cells, not in the walk home back to Ericson, nothing.
But back to Louis– the game says Louis' name over and over and it makes me feel guilty and I don't like it
That route haunts my nightmares.
When I used to stream, we called the romance Louis/save Violet [+don't trust AJ] route The Despair Route.... you can probably guess why. You're right, the whole thing hits differently when you've built up Clementine's romance with him, only for him to be taken away. Plus, when you do that, your relationship with Violet isn't as strong so not only do you miss out on a lot of Louis content, you miss out on Violet content for not romancing/best friending her.
And yeah, the game will not shut up about Louis when he gets taken. It's actually so fascinating, because Violet doesn't get mentioned nearly as much, so that begs the question of why? Y'know? I mean, we can look at Louis getting captured and conclude that they keep reminding us about him so that we're extra hurt and guilty when we find him in the cells.
But then with Violet? Louis is the one who brings her up most of the time, except when Ruby pulls out her file. But it's odd that the others don't make more comments like they do with Louis. I think we are kind of meant to forget about her? Well, okay, not forget about her but like... The fact that they don't talk about her as much makes her feeling pissed off, forgotten and abandoned all the more powerful, no?
As for Violet forgetting about him, in my opinion that's just a genuine flaw with the writing... because Violet would ask about Louis. I've played her romance route. I believe that in my heart of hearts that she would, and when she doesn't, I'm like ?????
Sure, you can say she's got her mind on other things, or that Aasim already told her what happened to Louis so she doesn't ask when they're in the cells... except she would ask if he's okay.
They're different characters who react to things differently, and that's not inherently good or bad.... but you're seriously going to tell me that the only thing Violet's says to Louis is a sad little, "Lou..." when meeting up with him on the beach? and then she only makes a minor mention of him when talking about pushing people away on the walk home?
No, sir. I think not. I think that's an oversight, especially if you're trying to sell their friendship in her route.
But I suppose in her defense, if you're a Louis fan, you're more likely to be angry about it. We're used to Louis mentioning Violet and then to see her not do the same isn't great. Whereas a Violet fan who prefers her route is more likely to justify why and how it makes sense, y'know? In fact, if a Violet fan plays Louis' route, they probably get mad that she's "forgotten" about a lot prior to the cells so I suppose it balances out?
Also, can I add for both routes how much I side eye the fact that captured Louis/Violet say nothing about the other if they died on the bridge? I get they didn't want to be a downer on the happy ending, and that time has passed so they probably already mourned......... but c'mon. I know Louis can't verbalize but he can write, he can stand by Violet's grave, something. Violet could've said something. Listen, if you're gonna make me suffer through that, give me some of the angst I actually want.
#asks#twdg louis#twdg clementine#twdg violet#twdg clouis#i hate the captured louis route like no i will not#like i fully admit that i have issues with how violet's route plays out in general but i also acknowledge that it's just not for me#whereas it feels like they wrote louis and his route for me specifically y'know?#ugh i could go on more about that but one again i must refrain since i'm still working on that essay about clouis and violentine#listen it'll come out eventually okay hahaha i have work all week and i'm tired... plus about a hundred other projects so y'know#but seriously what happened did they go 'oh we talked so much about louis before the cell scene that we don't gotta in ep4'?#'and since we didn't talk about violet too much we'll balance it out by having louis refer to her a few times in ep4' like....#i get it when you don't save them then the story isn't about them anymore they're not the tritagonist in this route#so the game naturally focuses on the one who is buuuuuuuuut louis and violet are important to each other and imo that should show#the most in ep4 AFTER THEY'VE BEEN IRREVERSABLY INJURED..............but it's fine i'm fine haha
29 notes
·
View notes
Text
Taiya Hando in Bakuage Sentai BoonBoomger 01x37 Two Spies
+ bonus
#boonboomger spoilers#bakuage sentai boonboomger#boonboomger#super sentai#taiya hando#bun red#userdramas#umbrella.gifs#tokuedit#please do not repost#umbrella.edits#umbrella.posts#the most important part of this episode is that we get insight into why taiya is so determined to run when he hears screams#i feel like being a witness to violence abuse even through sound can be very traumatizing and bring about a lot of feelings#for taiya he feels a guilt for not doing something before something irreversible happened but he was a child#this is why he emphasizes that he's making sure he's using the authority he has as an adult to help people bc he knows he didn't have the#power as a child and he wanted to grow up fast to be able to have this power it's devastating that children can witness the pain of other#children but can be powerless to help them and we see this with sakito as well when he was alone as a child and had friends but needed the#help of adults in reality adults can do so much to help children that cannot help themselves get out of a bad situation and taiya wants#to be the type of adult that can be relied on by everyone to help them bc he knows what can happen when no one reaches out
18 notes
·
View notes
Note
he looks like a predator lowkey
DAMN i mean 😭 damn,
tbh, not to get preachy or smthin, this is just my personal onion, im not the biggest fan of 'i always knew smthing was wrong with x' or 'he always looked like a creeper to me' / 'gave off those vibes' bcs i kinda feel like it diminishes survivors' .. surviving. And gives off this sense of 'as long as you look out for These Static Qualities that All Fucked Up People have, you will be SAFE' thumbs up quota kinda thing,,, which is very dangerous and way too broad for an unfortunately worldly and everslipping issue in society. SORRY ANON, i just wanted to get this off my chest and thot this was a good opportunity, it's just my personal probably underrated thots
#the most fucked up things abt truly fucked up ppl is sometimes not even being able to tell theyre fucked up#until irreversible shit happens#like before the giddey event my only opinion on him was he gave off american psycho vibes and in appearance#when the stuff came out abt him tho i was like damn that crazy#i dont wanna turn a coincidence into a sole cause tho bcs thats slippery#esp with a poc as the person of possible predatoration (this shit is NOT a word LMFAO WATEVER)#and this is NOT me saying only white ppl can be predators or smthing stupid like that#like the ones with the dahmer cut and the glasses and jakcet or whatever#bcs again that just lowers ppls guards and raises them at maybe inopportune times sometimes#but with esp poc appearance criticisms are very much eggshell walking bcs it's easier for Very damaging stereotypes#and just bad thot processes in general to follow them#in general#like i know when i was younger i was always avoidant and quiet to white girls who tried to approach me bcs i didnt want ppl making Bad joke#abt us just bcs *i* know bad (like BAD bad. not just white ppl love mayo jokes or wtver lol) ideas create those opportunities#and also i read a lot (i liked fictional better but read some history too) and also looking like. yea. u know#i knew#just in general... unfair assumptions create unfair actions/opportunities#try to be avoident of that in general.. even if u feel 'justified' sometimes thats just personal!#personal feelings should be specified as personal juust in case u know. it takes 2 seconds to safeguard#bcs not a lot of survivors get justification or Feel justified in surviving and#idk man#anyways#gets off my soapbox and shrinks ten feet
17 notes
·
View notes
Text
guys I’m in the trenches. One of these days I have to go make a really long in-depth detailed post about trito and kinoga’s dynamic because it drives me insane and I need to lay it all out. the specifics of it. I have so many thoughts
#posting this here only so that the idea can hang above my head like the sword of damocles#al speaks#I just have so much to say and I figured since I post art here and other general character writing here it only seems fitting#i dont knoww I spend so much time ruminating on why theyre so compelling to me#it’s about the magnetism. its about wanting to come together whether they like it or not#situations thats cjanged them irreversibly and all they feel like they can do is hold ont to each other#its about the paralysis of it. almost feeling trapped within one another because they’re all each other has#having to break out of the years of just wanting and missing#the tension of knowing/concluding that the other was gone with the undeniable force that is the Wanting#just wanting to see and be. nothing more. just to know that the other is okay#the whole PROJECTION THING WITH THEM! FUCK!!!!!#trito feeling sorry that all he can do is drag kinoga along in his wanting#and kinoga just feeling agonized at seeing trito so distraught. Of course they will be there for him#and both feeling lile their core ‘character traits’ weighing them down when it used to be a source of pride and self#if kinoga had just stayed in the domes nothing would have changed. they would still just be friends#the whole thing about the event that tore them apart stitching them closer together#trito#kinoga#tritonoga#theyre so. theyre so !!!!!!!!!!#the fact that they will stay in this paralysis until they decide they have to more forward and look for the others#and above all else. they love each other so much. thank you for your time#splatoon#my ocs#splatoon ocs
16 notes
·
View notes
Note
if you were to summarise sirius' personality and character traits, how would you do it?
hi hi hi! so sorry for long this took but okay, so, let’s do this.
so, his CORE trait for me will always be loyalty, hands down. i once waxed poetic about sirius’ devotion to the potters to my friends for like, half an hour straight (one of them actually teared up). the way he talks about james even after so many years, how his first instinct is always to look out for harry, how everyone talked about him & j even when they believed he was the traitor—all of it just really drives home how he gives all of himself to someone when he decides to. if someone’s his person then he’ll do whatever it takes for them (if you’re not, tho? ur lucky if u even get a look in ur direction)
he’s also very competent. he was probably brought up as a pampered heir, with access to all the resources his little heart desired, so coupled w his innate ability/potential/aptitude, it becomes a deadly combination. he uses logic to work through things, prides himself on his intelligence, and probably wouldn’t like hanging out with people who can’t atleast match him in some sense (so laziness/incompetence grates badly).
as a corollary, he’s also pretty arrogant, in that casual sense that old money people are ykwim? he’s had the world on a silver platter his entire life, and even when he’s cut off from it, it’s still a part of him. there’s also the fact that he’s got a lot going for him—looks, power, smarts wise—and that just adds to it. so it can be off putting or it can be hot or both, but he has a superiority complex and he doesn’t exactly hide it. less interaction with the plebs, the better for him.
irreverence and dark humor!!! sirius copes using morbid jokes and making people uncomfortable; he has slight control issues and this way, he makes sure everyone’s always on their toes. it’s also like,,,a way to kind of gauge how others will react to him based on how they deal w his humor. bc he’s not sunshine and roses, right? and he doesn’t want anyone treating him like it or expecting him to be so. and in a way, their reactions to his jokes correlated to their degree of acceptance for him.
intense. when it comes to things he likes, he’s very passionate about it, almost with a single minded focus. and it can get A Lot. he operates in a lot of extremes, right? so either 0 or 100 and this comes across in the way he interacts with people, the level of interest he shows to things, and how much effort he puts in, if it’s His Thing, then he won’t leave a stone unturned but if he doesn’t care? then he will not give a single shit
soooo, these are some of the things i very strongly believe in for sirius 🙈 tell me what u think? (and as always, @artemisia-black has some great metas on sirius’ character so i’d recommend checking those out for sure!)
#sirius black#tumblr has been difficult lately 😓#bc i’ve been travelling for stuff and there’s so much work piling up and i have a lot to do#esp this week#i haven’t been able to write anything in so long#but i love asks like this!!!#they’re fun and low pressure and let me talk at length about my boys#without punctuation at that lol#also controversial opinion: but i think a part of sirius always knew that if he caved he would get the silver platter back#like his family was probably v desperate to get their perfect heir & son back yeah?#and if sirius really REALLY needs to he can go back to it#except he’ll have to give up parts of himself for it and he won’t do that#but the knowledge that it’s not fully irreversible probably added to his arrogance a bit too#the knowledge that he’s not fully alone#if that makes sense? feel like i didn’t explain that well#i feel like a lot of this is just. hcs and conjecture but let it go yeah?#i don’t have a strong enough grip of canon togo that route#and in any case—i cherry-pick canon and only take what i like form it#from*#sirius is anyway a character of my heart first#pen’s asks
162 notes
·
View notes
Text
How self-insert-y do I want to get with this new oc 🤔
#okay SO she's a former priestess (read: beaurocrat) in training#but then she gets irreversibly possessed by a mild-mannered raccoon monster and they have to coexist while their#shared body is breaking down under the strain of trying to keep up with its two inhabitants (human and monster)#the question is: what do they latch onto as a diversion#a way to expend the new excessive energy that is literally slow-cooking them alive (they get fevers & they have insomnia)#(and the only way for them to survive long-term is to find SOMETHING TO DO that will burn that energy)#my original idea was to have them get into a board game and I had a whole plan for that. but it didn't feel quite right#and now I'm eyeing the idea that they might..... do pottery#would that be self-indulgent?? probably?? but also it's so cool and it would be perfect for themmmm#what plot would work with that though?? HMMMM#PONDERING#MUSING#ET CETERA#Robin speaks#new oc is already so much like me. do I Really want to make her a potter too
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
Half bird Jean character design sheet wip for a silly little project I'm doing 😋
#artistic nudity#genshin impact#jean gunnhildr#my art#artists on tumblr#digital art#genshin fanart#gi#wip#wont be spoiling too much about what this is for but I'll post the fic when i start uploading it to my ao3#she's based off of the golden eagle (which is also Germany's national bird) 😍#i started this on a cruise and have spent over 24 hours on it. slaying#MIGHT be my peak#eating her up shes so pretty#too bad I'll be giving her irreversible trauma#whump jeanlisa is so real to me just you wait#theyre married btw. but lisa thought she was dead for like 5 years so#yeah#back to wasting away in the shrimp posture for 8 hours straight#ALSO I DONT WANNA HEAR ANYONE SAYING HOW SHE LOOKS LIKE ELSA I WAS WATCHING MOANA WHILE DOING THR LINEART AND I DONT FEEL LIKE FIXING IT#disney curse is real guys dont watch their movies while drawing
18 notes
·
View notes
Text
Very happy I'm going back to therapy next week
#im so fucking tired of this bullshit#i cried for myself abt all the pain and abuse i went through today on the drive home and i realized that i keep trying to pretend like ive#healed but i havent and im still very wounded from the whole experience#his family apologizing didnt help that aspect of the complicated feelings at all#like ill never ger an actual apology from him. never#and BECAUSE OF HIM im fucking terrified to emotionally open up to people in the way i desperately need to bc of how much i was gaslit and#fucking manipulated and emotionally tormented and blamed for it. i want to be able to actually process my heavy emotions and talk it through#with someone so i dont have to go through it all alone#and im scared. im terrified of it#i have been irreversibly scared and it hurts#i keep pretending like my abuse is something ive healed from and even now i doubt if it actually ever was#and i fight every fucking day bc the evidence is comically present everywhere#im#im just tired#i want to cry and be held afterwards#havent i at least earned that much?#cant i please just be held?
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
visual reminder to maybe go over to @sawbones-showdown and cast your vote for the coolest parmesan-carrying, wounded-at-Fontenoy, no-nonsense-taken doctor that robert louis stevenson ever wrote
#em draws stuff#treasure island#doctor livesey#it has only been a few months since I have drawn him but it feels as if hundreds of years have passed#and my art style seems to have been irreversibly affected by a Certain Videojame in that time. which. uh. okay then.#not asking for much. not even uttering the words Livesey Sweep. just let him make it to the next round. Please.
59 notes
·
View notes
Text
thinks again about how asgore breaks the mercy button bc he doesnt want mercy, thinks ab how he could theoretically kill you in one shot thinks about "If a monster doesn't want to fight, its defenses will weaken" and thinks about how asgore's defense weakens and thinks about how his hands don't hurt you and thinks about how, if you spare him and flowey's dead, he kills himself and thinks about "I like Santa Clause. He's a nice old man that never changes. No matter how cruel everything gets, he laughs calmly… and comforts the people of the world...I was never an excellent leader. But i think i might be a nice Santa Claus." Thinks about---
#rye rambles#undertale#asgore dreemurr#slams fist on floor!!!!#he is a tragedy and in this essay i will---#duty vs desire vs morals#what does it mean to be a leader. what does it mean to be alone. what does it mean to be desperate and afraid and grieving#what does it mean to lose everything and everyone you loved#what does it mean to regret. what does it mean to be in such a situation where your entire people depend on you#and on the horrible choice you made#what does it mean to have done something so cruel that you hurt and irreversably push away the person who you loved and loved you so deeply#what does it mean to have killed and killed and killed and grieved for each one of them knowing that they will not be the last#what does it mean to be a figure of HOPE on a population that depends on HOPE to survive#what does it mean to prolong the pain because you are so afraid.#what does it mean to be a kind person who was put in a terrible situation#what does it mean when the love was there it didnt change anything it didnt save anyone#but the love was there and it matters that it was there#RAGH. <- they are once again thinking ab old men that love so deeply but that love is put at odds with their duty#how does it feel to be in a hell of your own creation and face the consequences of your actions when you love and care so so much.#how does it feel to be a good person but to do terrible things in the name of a greater good you don't know if you can believe in#but do anyway to keep face for the people who look up to you. who depend on you
12 notes
·
View notes