#there's no third funniest thing because the rest just is depression and tears

[mordred]

The funniest thing about penny dreadful is that none of his friends ever find out about Victor's little hobby

[stars-are-just-ghosts]

Supernatural Isn’t Just A Show

I started watching Supernatural fifteen years ago, just like many of you. I followed the paths of two young men who hunted the evils in the world that the rest of us couldn’t have imagined on a good day. Vampires and demons and monsters. Greek gods, angels, Lucifer himself. The stories were heartfelt and humorous and dark and tender. They challenged us to see that monsters could be good, and being evil was a choice. They brought us into a reality of hope and fighting the whole world if it meant that your family was safe.

That’s what the show was really about, you see. The hunting and the laughter and the dark and everything in between was just the icing on the cake. The real story? That was family. Two brothers who came together and saved the world, again and again. Two brothers who fought side by side, and sometimes with each other, and always for what was right, even if the drawn line was hard to see. Two brothers whose devotion bled into the world around them and brought other amazing people into the fold. Two brothers who grew to have a circle of people who were the epitome of family, because ‘family don’t end with blood.’  Castiel and Charlie and Bobby and Kevin and Crowley and Jack and the list goes on. A list that extended beyond the characters, beyond the actors, beyond the show itself. One that includes you, me... JoAnn and Steven and Jeffrey.

Let me tell you about JoAnn.

Her daughter and I went to school together, a beautiful young woman named Sarah. Over the years I spent so much time at their house and with JoAnn that it was beyond easy to see them as family. And JoAnn became incredibly special to me. My mother and I have always had a strained, tumultuous relationship with very little in the way of affection. JoAnn, however, became the emotional mother I’d never had. We would laugh together (she had a killer sense of humor,) I would call her just to share something or vent (there was never a moment she wasn’t willing to listen,) she was able to hold all four of my babies after they were born (and they lovingly called her Auntie JoAnn.) And I even managed to get her addicted to Supernatural. 

She loved Dean, especially Dean’s rear end. (-wiggles brows-) 

Shortly before her first and only grandson was born, JoAnn became terminally ill and passed away. She never got to see her grandson, or hold him, or watch him grow up. I think about that all the time, especially when I see a picture of him that Sarah has posted. When I’m watching Supernatural, and Dean says something familiar or I remember a moment in the show that JoAnn particularly loved, I think about JoAnn and how much I wish she could have seen her grandbaby. And how much I wish her daughter, the lovely Sarah, could have experienced that, too. I wonder if JoAnn would have shared this show with her adorable little grandson. I miss that woman every day.

Now, let me tell you about Steven.

His father, Steve, is one of my best friends. I’ve known him for over twenty years. And when his three children were little, I used to babysit them. His son, Steven, was born with severe Cerebral Palsy. He was nonverbal, wheelchair bound, and was tube fed. But he was also the funniest, brightest, most happy boy I’d ever met. He had the most brilliant smile, and the greatest laugh. And whenever someone he loved or really liked walked into a room, his eyes would light up like stars. 

When Steven hit adulthood, I would help his Dad out when Steven was at his house. We liked to watch movies and tv shows together. And I offered up the suggestion of Supernatural. It became like tradition after that. We would all be there in the living room, Steven on the floor with his Dad, and we’d watch the episodes in order. It always made me happy, to be able to share that with them. 

About four years ago, Steven became ill, landing in the hospital. While there, his heart gave out. He passed away without ever having finished the show he had grown to love. Since then, his Dad hasn’t been able to watch anymore. It’s too painful. Too hard to think that Steven isn’t there to watch it with him. I understand completely. Because I’ll watch an old episode and remember Steven’s unabashed laughter. And I wish he was still here to watch it with us. I talked with Steve about giving it another try. He heard the show is ending soon, and I think he is finally ready to see it through, to finish it for both himself and his son. Let me tell you about Jeffrey.

Jeffrey has lived in NYC for over 20 years now. He is my big brother, and was diagnosed with different mental illnesses, including Borderline Personality Disorder. He’s still made a life for himself that makes him happy in a place I know for sure I would never survive in. (I’m a small town girl, through and through.) And it was because of my brother that I found out about GISHWHES. 

You have to understand, my brother doesn’t open up to people easily or step out of his comfort zone for just anyone or anything. But in doing this scavenger hunt? My brother walked around NYC in a robot costume, including taking the subway and walking crowded streets. He also wore a bikini made of lettuce, and not once was shy about it. He dove right in and gave it his all in order to help other people, and to this day I am still insanely proud of him for it. 

After everything he went through, from living on the subway for nearly two years (and never telling us) to going from corporate work (which he hated) to doing something he really loved (comic books, baby) to being hospitalized for suicidal tendencies to finally being diagnosed with things he had struggled with all his life but never had taken care of, and finally having a sense of mental health in a new job as a live-in dog nanny, this amazing man is finally happy. And when I think of that, I think of the video of him wandering around dressed as a robot because of GISHWHES.  Now, if you’ll bare with me... let me tell you about myself.

I am a pansexual woman married to my best friend with four amazing children. 

I have depression and anger issues that I have struggled most of life with. 

I have spent a good chunk of my adult life being a stay-at-home-mom and only now am going back to school to learn a new career. I have rescued and taken care of animals since I was 17, something my children have grown to love as well. And I am happier now than I have ever been. But it wasn’t always that way.

I had my best friend die in my arms when I was 12, that being my first experience with death and grief and unchecked anger. And I grew up a lonely kid who spent most of my time hiding how depressed I was, doing everything I could to take care of everyone else in my life, the majority of them never knowing how much I actually struggled with just living. The first love of my life was killed in a car accident when I was 16. My parents divorced when I was 17 and I dropped out of high school, working three jobs just so I wouldn’t be home with my mother. 

I was married to a selfish and controlling man at 18, had my first child at 19, second at 20, third at 23, and divorced at 23 with three small children and no job. I was terrified and didn’t know what I was going to do. Everything was up and down and inside out.

But I have a very clear memory of sitting down one night, after the kids had gone to sleep and the apartment was quiet and I was alone with nothing but my thoughts and the television… and a repeat episode of Supernatural (Season 2, Episode 16 – Roadkill) was on. (Spoilers ahead if you, by chance, have not seen this episode.)

In that moment, I was barely paying attention to it. I was a wreck, filled with guilt and fear. My face was covered in tears, and I was sobbing as I sat there and rocked with a pillow held in my grip (I oddly remember that pillow vividly because it had rough edges.) But as the episode progressed, I began to quiet. I remember listening intently to Sam and Molly as they sat on an old bed in Greeley’s home, looking at the letters he’d written to his wife. 

“It’s a love letter he wrote her… my God, it’s beautiful… I don’t understand how a guy like this can turn into a monster.” Molly said to Sam. I mirrored that sentiment, in my own way. (I know my situation wasn’t the same.) I’d married a man I’d thought I’d loved. A man I thought loved me. But his actions and selfishness lead to the downfall of our marriage, our family, and my (then) situation. But I had been the one to make the decision to end things, right? After everything he’d done, I couldn’t be with someone I couldn’t trust. And it wasn’t just about me… it was about our children. They needed a mother who was happy…

At the end of the episode, Molly is faced with the reality that she has been dead the entire time and that her husband David had already said his goodbyes, moving on without her.

“What am I supposed to do?” Molly asked, in tears.

“Just… let go. Of David. Of everything. You do that… we think you’ll move on.” Sam responded gently.

Isn’t that what I should be doing? I thought. Because by that point, I’d been stuck in grief and fear for months. I don’t think I knew it until that point, but I’d been holding onto it like a security blanket because it made sense, it seemed like I deserved it.

“But you don’t know where…” Molly responded, her voice still soft with tears.

“No... Molly, you don’t belong here. Haven’t you suffered long enough?” Sam asked. “It’s time�� it’s time to go.”

I sat there in stunned silence. 

As odd as it sounds, it felt like he was talking to me. Because for years I’d tried to keep our marriage together because I thought I had to for our children. For years, I’d practically raised those three children alone. For months, I had sat in a holding pattern, waiting for my shoulders to finally break under all the weight from the failure I felt and the misery I was drowning in, doing everything I could to be a good mother with nothing to fall back on. But then I watched Molly walk into the light, tears streaming down her face, a smile ghosting across her lips, and I realized… I really had suffered long enough.

“You really think she’s going to a better place?” Dean asked after Molly moved on.

“I hope so.” Sam replied.

“I guess we’ll never know, not until we take the plunge ourselves, huh?” Dean said with half a smirk.

“Doesn’t really matter, Dean. Hope’s kind of the whole point.” Sam said.

And there it was. What I’d been missing. Hope. 

This show, these two actors, those two brothers opened my eyes to something that had been right in front of me the whole time. I didn’t know what the future would bring, I didn’t know what I was going to do next. But I was certain I had suffered enough. I was certain I needed to move on, for my children, for myself. And as the episode ended, I wiped my tears off my face, shut off the tv and kissed every one of my sleeping children a few dozen times. And I went to bed thinking about the depiction of that light, that hope.

Two years later, I married my best friend – the love of my life, a good man who never lies, never hurts me or my kids, lifts me up when I feel down, makes me laugh every day, treats me far better than I will ever think I deserve. We had a baby boy together, bringing our family to a total of four amazing kids who all call him Dad. We have our own home which we work so hard for, we have a plethora of animals who make every day adventurous, and I am finally on a career track I feel excited about. All because I decided to stop living in my suffering, and move on.

That is why this show is not ‘just a show.’ For me, anyway. Because of JoAnn and Steven and Jeffrey. Because of the hope I found with the show itself. And I know I am not alone in at least this sentiment.

Every season since, I have watched the episodes. I have followed the stories and witnessed the amazing things this fandom has done for each other and complete strangers. I have seen people’s lives changed by the show and the actors, I have been able to connect with other people I never would have known, and get closer to those I already did. I have shared this series with my children, who all love it and the main characters as much as I do.

And right now, as we get near the end of the series, I am not ashamed to admit that I am hurting. I feel a genuine heartache. A genuine loss. I feel like a part of my history is coming to a close. But like at that moment when my world was inside out and I was trapped in my own little hell, I have hope. 

I don’t know what waits for me. I never have. I don’t know what awaits any of us. But this show will never really die. The connections we’ve made, the way the stories and people have touched us… that never really goes away. 

Whether we watch Supernatural on repeat on a bad day, or follow the actors as they move on to new adventures, or get someone in our life to start watching it, this show will always be around. Just like hope. And… isn’t it like Sam said? “Hope’s kind of the whole point.”

So, hold on to hope. And message me if you’re grieving, if you need an ear from a fellow fan, or just someone to shoot Supernatural memes back and forth with. We’re a family. You, me, all of us. And I’ll always be here for you.

(P.S. I will ship Destiel till the bitter end.)

Love,

QuietDarkness (stars-are-just-ghosts)

[the-curious-butterfly]

A Little Bit of Happiness

Based on u-look-beautiful-today’s Soulmate AU. Basically you have a chart on your arm that shows you the happiness of others close to you as well as your own.

We’ve all known pain. Pure agonizing pain and sorrow. That void of nothingness where the darkness feels as thick as black tar and no amount of light can shine through. It is a feeling that even the most optimistic and hopeful of us have succumbed to. Especially those with big hearts. If depression could speak it would tell you that the big ones were the most delicious. And there was no heart bigger, or weirder, than Luz Noceda’s. 

Luz was a thoughtful girl filled with hope, determination, kindness, and a love for the strange things in life that left her quite ostracized for most of hers. 

As a child she didn’t like the typical things kids liked or acted in the typical way kids should act so she was bullied and what other reason do kids need to bully someone. She was different, and different was bad, and bullying her for being different was fun. And if something was fun how could it be wrong? If it was fun what did it matter?

And you know what the best way to bully Luz was? The way that was the most fun. It had to do with her lack of a Soulmark, the mark on your body that showed you the first words your Soulmate would say to you. Luz didn’t have one. Not a single letter or even the most generic of greetings marked her skin. Isn’t that just the funniest thing? 

“Wow, looks like you’ll be alone forever.” 

“No one loves you.” 

“Even your soulmate doesn’t want you.”

Oh how they laughed, and when one laughs everyone laughs. After all you didn’t want to be thought of as the weird one, as a freak like Luz. So why not laugh, it’s all in good fun. And besides even Luz would laugh. 

She’d laugh so hard that tears would spill from her eyes and more deafening then the laughter was the sound of glass being chipped away into pieces. But she was only 12 and this just the way things were when you were 12.

~~~

Now I wonder what you would imagine when you hear the term “perfection.” The term itself is rather subjective isn’t it? What one person finds perfect isn’t always what another would agree with and yet it’s often commonly used in the wrong way. 

So I’ll admit to coming off a bit biased when I tell you that Amity Blight was as close to the definition of perfection as one could get. Her skin a flawless porcelain and her eyes a mesmerizing gold. With short aquamarine hair tied up and not a strand out of place. It wasn’t just her appearance too she was incredibly intelligent, driven, and talented. Especially when it came to magic. At school she was the top of her class, incredibly popular, and very loved. 

She was no princess but she lived the life of one for her home was a mansion and while she did live with two very annoying siblings they mostly liked to have harmless fun and never truly made her life a living hell. 

So you can see why I say she was perfect, her life was perfect all the way down to the most minor of details.

Well there was one little thing that wasn’t exactly great but what was one little thing compared to everything else. As long as she did what was asked and kept up her image then she had nothing to worry about. 

Except today was the day she’d turn 13 and when she awoke she found there was something to worry about. Soulmates weren’t a common thing on the Boiling Isles, this place where she’s from. It was very rare to hear of someone having such a mark like those in the human realm but it did happen. And while it does happen she had never expected it to happen to herself but when she woke that day she was greeted to a word being added amongst the names of her chart. 

Soulmate

Oh...

No 

No no no no, Amity Blight could not have a soulmate. She tried rubbing at it with her other hand hoping with ever growing despair that it was a prank from her siblings but the mark would not come off. If her parents knew she had a soulmate, someone that was not preapproved by them, the amount of disappointment she’d receive. The thought alone was enough to have her shiver though the house was never cold. Never in that way at least. 

Though like I said she was intelligent, this mark wasn’t a prank nor would it go away, understanding at the moment she had no choice but to accept it. She’d figure out what to do when she’s met them but for now. Amity looked again at the word, and this time really looked for she noticed something she hadn’t earlier. Her soulmate’s happiness was only at 9%. Amity herself has never gone below 80% she couldn’t imagine being so low. 

Just seeing the number on her wrist was painful enough to have her 98% be brought down to a 95%. What brings a person down to 9%? What kind of life could her soulmate be leading? The distress from earlier turned into curiosity and she found herself wondering these things and more as she traced a finger over the word Soulmate and the number beside it. What should she do? 

Perhaps. 

Perhaps her siblings would know considering now was the time they decided to barge through her door yelling “Happy Birthday Mittens!” while using illusion magic to make their words form a banner that suspended in mid air. And no she did not squeal or nearly fall off her bed. 

“Can’t you two ever knock?!” even if she made up her mind to talk to them about it, Edric and Emira may be pranksters but they weren’t tattlers, and while them showing up here made it easier she still couldn’t help yelling at them for their blatant rudeness. 

“Awww, Mittens, where would be the fun in that?” 

“Yeah, especially on your birthday?” 

“Besides, look at this thoughtful display we made for you.” 

“One of these days you’re just gonna have to accept that you love us.” 

They spoke one after the other, beginning with Emira and ending with Edric. Amity sighed as she went quiet for a moment looking back down at her wrist. Still just 9%.

“Is everything okay, Mittens?” Em asked, always being the first of the two to notice when something was amiss.  

Amity bit her bottom lip before responding with partial confidence. “I have to show you guys something that I’m not sure what to make of yet.” The twins nodded urging her to continue, and after a moment she relented and finally showed them her wrist. 

If they were shocked at all they hid it well, their faces blank as they no doubt saw that word and just when Amity was about to worry that she had broke her siblings the two gave a very audibly excited gasp. 

“Mittens!” 

“You dog you!” 

“How long have you had this?” 

“Just since this morning.” Their reaction taking her so much by surprise that she could do nothing but answer their questions. 

“Do you have any idea who it could be?” That was Edric.

“Not really.”

“What about that one guy who always had the biggest crush on-” 

“Emira! Ew, no!” 

“Why ew? He doesn’t seem so bad.” 

“I just don’t feel like it’s him okay. Plus I doubt his life is that bad.” 

“What do you mean?” They asked in unison, and that's when they saw it. The 9%.

“Damn, your soulmate is depressed.” 

“Edric don’t even joke about that!” Amity and Emira warned, despite Ed and Em being twins her and Amity were still sisters. 

“I wasn’t! Like how else do you want me to say it. What if they decide to kill themsel-”

“EDRIC!” 

“I’m just saying!” 

He’s right though, Amity knew he was. She may not know who they are but no one deserves whatever it is they were going through. Whatever it is that has them at a measly 9%. So Amity made up her mind to donate half of her happiness. 57% might not be high but it’s at least better than 9%. 

Never having been below 80% she felt the effect immediately. Something formed inside her, something small and hollow that she just could not take her mind off  even though today was her birthday, it was suppose to be a happy day. But it felt so wrong and she was only at 48%.

She hoped she’d never have to know what 9% felt like. 

~~~

For some reason, despite the horrible day she had yesterday, Luz woke up feeling better than she had in awhile. Looking over her chart, which only consisted of her and her mom, she saw she her mom was at a good 79%  and she was at a 57% which was not bad. She remembered going to bed with a 9% so perhaps getting a good nights rest coupled with the fact it’s the weekend was enough to improve it significantly. 

That was the only explanation she could come up with anyway. She even managed a small smile when her mother came into the room. “Buenos dias, Mija, are you feeling better?” 

“I’m feeling much better, gracias mama.” 

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Camilia asked sitting at the foot of Luz’s bed. 

“Maybe another time, I’m fine right now though te lo prometo.” She managed to make her smile bigger and her mother nodded. Luz had come home in tears yesterday, actually the third time this week, and while Camilia was desperate to know what was hurting her baby so much she knew when to not push. Instead she found other ways to help.

“Then hurry up and get out of bed, yo eso sancocho con arroz blanco para desiuno.” 

Luz smiled with glee as she got up and rushed out the door leaving her mama behind. 

“At least get changed first!” 

“But it’s the weekend!” 

“Mi Luz!” 

“Okay, okay.” 

She didn’t notice but the interaction was enough to bring her up to an even 60%

~~~

Since that day it seemed like no matter what happened Luz would bounce back.  It got to the point where she didn’t feel anything else anymore. They could do their worst and she’d smile, laugh, and be her adorable silly self. Not only that but she also grew more bold and unafraid to stand out or fight back. Something had completely changed that day, perhaps it was her outlook on life that changed, or that all of a sudden she found emotional maturity. Either way it was like her happiness never went below 90% and she, literally, could not be happier. Although she could do without having her mother feeling like she needed to send her off to camp just because she liked expressing herself differently. She understood where her mom was coming from but Luz was a big girl, she can decide things for herself can’t she?

~~~

Amity, on the other hand, had gone through her own changes. She’s been constantly donating her happiness for over a year now. Many times most of it, sometimes all. That hollow feeling never left, it only got bigger, colder, as if it would swallow her whole any second. And as she grew colder on the inside she also grew colder on the outside, more bitter. Her once close friend, Willow, now hated her. People who once loved her for her big heart now only loved her for her beauty, talent, or because she was popular. She became friends with one of the meaner popular girls, Boscha, and you better give them a wide berth or risk social and emotional damage. 

Even Ed and Em noticed their darling little sister didn’t laugh or smile anymore, no matter what they did. They really did try too, but things that use to get an annoyed yet warm sound out of her now only elicited hisses and growls. It didn’t help that their parents also recognized her change in behavior and became much harder on her albeit in their messed up way where they praised her for her actions. She was a Blight and had a standard she was expected to keep after all. Not keeping it meant she was a disgrace and a failure. Things that Amity never wanted to be so she drowned herself even more in her studies and preparing for the future. Further shutting herself off from the world. 

At first Edric and Emira tried to help, it wasn’t Amity’s fault, there was someone else she was trying really hard to keep happy. She didn’t even know the person yet she was willing to suffer so much for them. That fact alone meant their sweet little baby sister was still in their somewhere didn’t it? They even tried to donate their own happiness to get her back but she refused to take it. Eventually even they gave up. 

First thing she did when she woke up today was give all of her happiness away. It was slowly becoming routine now, to give everything. ‘But why?’ Her thoughts would plead with her. ‘Why for someone you might not even know? You don’t even look to see if they need it anymore, what about our happiness?’ 

What about it?

‘Don’t we deserve it?’

We have everything we could ever want or need and succeeded in becoming a protégé of Lilith, leader of the emperor’s coven and a powerful witch in her own right, just like we wanted.

‘Just like you wanted, or your parents wanted?’ 

She hissed to silence the voices inside, after all what difference did it really make, as she got ready for the day. They were given a project that Amity intended to pass with flying colors. Not that it would be hard, no one else in that class or the whole school had half the skill she did.

Especially not Half-A-Witch who she had the pleasure of bumping into on the way to school. Oh this will be fun, Willow had no talent for magic and her parents always did say that people with no talent were pathetic in their eyes. They were right of course, she did not regret the loss of that friendship at all. 

Speaking of eyes, Amity never did notice the pair of disappointed brown orbs watching them from the bushes. 

“Willow! Wow you’re so unnoticeable I almost rolled into you.” 

“Hi Amity.” 

“Shouldn’t you get to class early to prep your-” Before she could finish Willow’s wheelbarrow shook and her abomination spilled from the pot like sticky purple liquid on the ground. “Oh Willow, you don’t have anything to show do you.” 

It doesn’t feel good to put people down, it doesn’t make her feel superior or strong. It doesn’t do anything for her but her parents would be proud and what’s wrong with that? Isn’t that what every child strives to do?

Willow looks really hurt though. 

“...Except much smaller and meaningless.”

I’m sorry Willow.

“...Even you can get a passing grade some day.”

I’m sorry. 

There go the unwanted thoughts again but those kinds of thoughts were slowly getting easier to ignore. It should have disturbed her how use to the cold she had become.

~~~

Okay so I thought this was getting a bit lengthy so I figured I’d do it in parts. Besides I’m really excited by what we’ll learn from the episodes coming out tomorrow and I may change stuff based on what we’re shown of Amity’s history. 

Gosh, I can’t sit still with how much I can’t wait for it. Anyway for those who managed to read through this whole first part thanks for taking the time to read it. See y’all tomorrow ^u^

[scorpiosanssexy]

Bless astrology & congrats on 100! If you're still open for matchup requests, I'd love one from you! I'm a Pisces sun, Scorpio moon & Sag rising. Tysm ❤️

thank you very much! 

i match you with Akaashi Keiji

star sign: Sagittarius 

Pisces Sun: Those with Pisces sun are often reffered to as daydreamers, as they have a very active rich inner world. Akaashi always find adorable when you are off in your own world, when this happens he just sort of stares at you (in an endearing way if that makes sense), trying to decipher what is going on in that head of yours. Once you gain back your sense of reality you do get a little embaraased but Akaashi thinks otherwise. He will either caress your cheek softly and then give you a kiss or will just engulf you in a hug, your habits are just too endearing. He may ask what you were thinking and may or may not use your daydreams as ideas for a new manga (i know he is a publisher but as a hobby i feel like Akaashi is a manga artist). Pisces are known to be very compassionate and have incrediable empathy. Akaashi falls into the same category, when ever he feels anxious or nervous about a situation you are always so understanding, you shower him with hugs and compliments, you allow him to go at his own pace, never rushing him into doing it. Due to your saint like personality, akaashi see’s you as someone who he can spend the rest of his life with, you are just so beautiful in his eyes. When you display your compassionate personality, akaashi get’s all shy (he will start to fiddle his fingers and all), he just cannot believe he managed to get the kindiest person in the world. Finally, once they have found their mate, Pisces are incrediably loyal and devoted, akaashi always loves the fact that no matter how long Bokuto makes him stay for extra practice you will always wait for him to walk home. The sunset and the gentle breeze with your hand in his always makes akaashi feel incrediably relax. Like you two look like that 90s anime couple. Also the fact you always wear his jersey without fail when coming to his matches makes me feel so lucky, like you are his biggest supporter and without you, Akaashi would not have been the person he is today.

Scorpio Moon: The emotional expression of Scorpio moon are passionate and intense however they are very afraid to express them, fearing rejection from the world. Whatever emotion you are feeling, Akaashi will always make sure you that you have a safe space to express them. If you are crying buckets of tears, Akaashi is there, rubbing your back (i always find this really soothing) and wiping your tears away whilst you grip onto him for dear life. After this he runs you a god tier bubble bath (he can take one with you however that is all up to you). Then he put some music on so the pair of you can dance the night away in your kitchen. Scorpio moons are type of people you never want to cross, they do not get manipulated easily and can see through the facade many people wear. Akaashi loves how strong you are and that you can just tell whether he is feeling nervous or upset, he find it difficult to put his feelings into words so it makes the communication in the relationship so much easier. You are very emotional intelligent and due to your wise words and your experiences akaashi sees you as his creative muse.

Sagittarius Rising: The first impressions of a Sagittarius rising are cheerful and optimistic. Akaashi was first got to know you from his loud captain friend Bokuto, he (Bokuto) was feeling upset because of his test grade but with your optimisitc presence and words of encouragement, you were able to get Bokuto out of that emo zone and Akaashi was impressed. You would always drop by after practice (you are friends with the third years) and crack jokes with Konoha, praise Bokuto on his awesome spikes and of course tease Akaashi (in a loving manner). He loves the attention you give him though, with your sparkling eyes when you make a playful joke how Akaashi is the team mum he cannot help in bask in your cheerful presence. For the most part, it looks like he just has his neutral expression however when you joke and tease him the tips of his ears go red. The team tease him for this. Sagittarius risings are known to have “ friendly open faces” and are natural story tellers, Akaashi loves to listen to you when you speak about your day because you make it sound like an adventure, he wishes he can be with you for the whole day so that he can join in on the fun. Again, he uses some of your anecdotes as inspiration for his manga. Due to your very friendly face it was much easier for Akaashi to approach you, he get’s anxious meeting new people so when you started the a conversation with him one day on the train he couldn’t believe how easily he slipped into conversation with you. Whenever you see that Akaashi is nervous you always take his fingers into your hand and just smile at him, in his eyes your smile can cure depression and he always visible relaxes when he see’s it (though he will silently demand cuddles too). Finally, Sagittarius rising are blunt and honest, never one to sugar coat words. Akaashi finds it amusing that you lack the ability to lie, you are too earnst. For example, when he bought himself some new cologne you hugged him and smelt it and you hated it. Of course you didn’t want to hurt Akaashi feelings because he bought it so that he could smell good for you but at the same time the way you were trying to hide your disgust was the funniest thing Akaashi had ever seen. In the end you did have to fess up but it was all good, Akaashi let out the most beautiful laugh and went back to his old cologne. He values honesty in a person and that is exactly you. Overall, yourself and Akaashi have a very sweet and playful relationship but you also care very deeply for one another (in my eyes complete relationship goals).

---------------------------

can i just say i have seen you on my timeline constantly, you like everyone of my posts I swear, even the carla rants ones. Loyalist cult member here. I hope this matchup is a token of my thanks and I hope you enjoy my “content”. 

Enjoy the rest of the morning/evening wherever you are in the world 

Carla 

[snkpolls]

SnK Chapter 123 Poll Results

The chapter 123 poll closed with 1,732 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

This month’s poll team: alooulla, @attraversiamo19​,  @erensjaegerbombs​ @momtaku​, _Puppet_ , @reikukaja​​, @shifter-lines​

RATE THE CHAPTER 1,732 Responses

This chapter was down slightly from the previous two but it hardly matters considering ¾ of the fandom have given it the highest possible rating. The manga continues to excite and impress month after month and it shows.

The end has come…

I'm both excited and horrified. I'm still hoping for another twist!

"Eren has a secret plan that doesnt involve genocide" And other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself!

I loved the flashbacks. It was the calm before the storm and we saw the 104th happy for one last time. 💔

Am I allowed to ground my 19 year old fictional adopted son

Amazing and beautifully drawn. I can’t wait for the next chapter

Genocide - Xenocide - Mass Murder - the friggin' APOCALYPSE -- whatever you want to call it, it's not the answer! Unless you're a god. And you know? I'm starting to think Eren is beyond our human judgment.

At first I was disappointed, I couldn’t believe that Eren would choose such a path especially since you have to consider just how much he values life and believes everyone deserves a chance ‘because they were born into this world’. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that there was simply no other way.

The world: we shall banish this devils on that island Eren: NO U

I loved everything about this chapter. It had great humor, drama, violence, bombastic imagery...everything that I love about SNK

Gotta give Isayama the credit, he really put effort and thought in all of this.

I'm having withdrawals already, where's the next chapter?????

cow car cow car cow car cow car cow car

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING WAS YOUR FAVORITE MOMENT? 1,772 Responses

In a chapter filled with sweet flashback moments, it was “Eren’s declaration of intentions through Paths” that snagged nearly ⅓ of the vote. “Eren and Mikasa’s intimate late night conversation” (17.8%) and “The 104th throwing one last party” (13%) rounded out the top three.

I feel overwhelmed. It was bittersweet. I enjoyed reading the chapter from Mikasa's POV, plus her moments with Eren, Levi and the clown, Hanji saying "Hello car!", Sasha eating... I'M NOT CRYING AT ALL.

Eren Jaeger is best boy <3

Call me biased, I love wholesome moments so much, and we FINALLY see Levi and Hange after EIGHT whole months

Mikasa eating ice cream is the most adorable thing ever

Levi in a suit made me cry, scream, and nut all at once. I was left confused with emotions for an hour on my bed, nearly comatose at 1:30pm. By the time I realized what had happened, I looked at my phone again and saw the screenshots I took and started hyperventilating so hard I was drooling. It was great. 11/10, would do it again.

I really enjoyed the 104th getting drunk together, and it was so... Sad to see Armin ramble at Mikasa whilst she looks at him with uncertainty as he desperately tries to convince himself that Eren is on their side. Also, the moments with the car and Levi with the clown are genuinely hysterical.

Would be die from cuteness overload watching Mikasa eating ice cream!

  WHO WAS THIS CHAPTER’S MVP? 1,778 Responses

Three characters dominated this question’s responses, leaving the rest relegated to a small portion of the graph. Where have we heard that before?

43.5% of you thought Eren was the MVP of this chapter, while nearly 31% thought it was Mikasa. At a somewhat distant third, Levi is in at just shy of 18%.I can’t be sure why this distribution is the way it is, but my guess is because saving immigrant children is really in season right now, but not nearly as much as genocide.

Eren is a GOAT!!!

OMG! Levi how I've missed you.

MIKASA'S NARRATION AND ACTUAL AGENCY. GIMME MORE!

  WHAT WAS THE FUNNIEST COMMENT ABOUT THE CAR? 1,761 Responses

Poll worker #8 here. I haven’t read the rest of the results yet, but I’d guess the lighthearted nature of this question is going to be sorely needed given some of the other content in this chapter.

Onyankopon’s realization that the Paradisians really are just Like That™ got first place in this question, being voted for by a solid 40.9% of respondents. Hange’s “Hello, car!” secured second place with 23.7% of the vote, and Levi, who knows that the gang is Like That™, got third place with a clean 19% for his prediction.

  AFTER LAST MONTH’S CLIFFHANGER, WE IMMEDIATELY JUMP TO FLASHBACKS! WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON THE SHIFT? 1,753 Responses

More than two-thirds of respondents really enjoyed the flashbacks juxtaposed with last month’s cliffhanger. 17% of you liked them, but would’ve preferred that this chapter start in the present, and 9.7% were glad they were there, but thought that they took up too many pages.

The flashback in general might not have been necessary but it was very much appreciated for once. It took me back to the comedy panels Isayama used to scatter in other arcs. It may also serve the purpose of making us remember how much we love these characters before they kill them all in front of us because Yams is sadistic like that and there is no way he won't enjoy our tragic tears. Love him though.

I didn't mind the flashbacks coz it was so nice to see characters like Sasha, Levi and Hange again :'(

I honestly thought the flashback was important, it showed when and why Eren was changing, to later show us what it had led to. I feel like more flashbacks are important before we truly dwell into the rumbling fully.

I really appreciated the flashbacks, the chapter overall was amazing.

  MIKASA WONDERS IF EREN’S EVER REALLY CHANGED, WHAT DO YOU THINK? 1,761 Responses

The air around how Eren is viewed has changed immensely since chapter 1, but has he?  The large majority at 77.3% feel he’s developed, but is still the same core person.  12% think he’s a completely different person, and 8.5% don’t believe he’s ever changed one bit in essence.

Eren doesn't really change, all he did was to focus his grudge on the people outside the walls after he knew the truth about the titans and I believe that Mikasa never knew Eren, properly.

He is the same as he ever was, what changed was our perception of him.

He's experienced more of life and developed his perspective under ever-changing circumstances, as we all do, but his core principles appear to have been the same since the day he was born - freedom is his right, and he will have it by any means necessary.

Eren will fight others for what he sees as freedom. Unfortunate, since we can never truly be free of the limitations we place on each other simply by virtue of existing together, but then Eren has never been particularly thorough in thinking things through.

He has changed in the way of his mental state. He is no longer “just” Eren. He is more like his father than ever, and he’s probably having an identity crisis.

Everyone changes as they grow older, it's impossible not to. Especially given that Eren also has the Memories of multiple persons. He even states so in his conversation with Reiner that he now understands them. So he did change, that not the question. But his will the live a life in freedom and destroying whoever tries to take this away from his, this didn't change at all.

He always had the potential to become who he is now, but he was not always a monster. he used to be a fundamentally good person with a dark side. he felt compassion towards innocents and regret/remorse over their deaths. now he locked that compassion away and let that dark side overwhelm him. he is broken.

His ideals are the same but they've amplified dangerously

There’s two sides to Eren. His good side never changed, but his potential for darkness has deepened.

It's sad that his idea of saving what he thought was all of humanity turned out to really only be an idea of saving Paradis. At the start of the series, it gave him an empathetic nature. Now, he's rather cold.

He has changed since the moment he touched Historia's hand and saw that 「THAT SCENERY」

  WHAT DO YOU INTERPRET BY EREN BEING "SPACED OUT", AS ARMIN PUTS IT? 1,729 Responses

Eren was acting rather odd this chapter, and while Armin picked up on it he didn’t seem to know why.  We have a pretty even split, with 47.3% thinking he’s having second thoughts about going through with a plan that would put these civilians in harm; meanwhile 45.5% believe he already knows they’re going to die.  3.3% think he’s just in awe of the new people and technology.

A mix of all the above

He is seeing his future memories and want's to see for himself whether or not they are the real truth, and the more he sees the more he comes to find out it's exactly as his memories have guided him

He sees the technology and the people and wonders how humans can treat each other in such horrible ways.

Being consumed but all the past Attack on Titans while experimenting things first time himself. Kind of like a deja-vu.

Both indecision and sadness as well as general depression due to his experiences and having to come to terms with what he sees as the only solution.

Coming to terms with the reality of the outside world, and Paradis' place in this world

General sadness and indecision. He’s seen all this before in memories and I think he’s just broken-hearted

He's searching for any reason not to go through with the plans he's already forming, but at every turn he just sees more that enforces his path (the mistreatment of Eldian refugees, the outreach commission that just wants to use Paradise as a scapegoat). He's spaced out because he isn't looking at little things like ice cream or cars like the rest of them, but instead trying to find any last spark of hope.

Realizing that this place is filled with many people and useful technology but he has to do the plan that will harm everything outside the walls for his own kind

Eren spaced out because he realized how much harm he'll put on his friends but he has no choice but to do it.

He feels nothing because he is a psychopath

Yum, tasty human rumbling patties

  WHAT DID EREN MEAN WHEN, AFTER SHEDDING A TEAR, HE SAID NOTHING HAS HAPPENED TO THE BOY FROM THE MARKET YET? 1,751 Responses

After acting strange upon arriving in Marley, Eren’s seen crying for seemingly no reason over the boy they met.  44.2% believe he’s seen the boy die in the rumbling, 35.4% believe that Eren knows it’s a cruel world this boy has to live in and is fearful of his future, and 18% think Eren knows something else terrible will happen to him.

When I saw that tear running down Eren's cheek, I suddenly felt so emotional that I cried too.

I certainly enjoy the vagueness of character moments such as these. Before I state my interpretation of the scene, I don't think eren knows the boy's fate like an omniscient being. He can only assume the future he saw when touching Hisu's hand is the cruel fate that will snuff the life out of this poor child. I'd say all of the above, minus the "He saw" bit.

He already had the intention of killing every non eldian and has an internal conflict because of this

He already knows he rumbled the world from Grisha's memory so I think he's mourning for every innocents that died bc of that.

He didn’t see the boy specifically. He saw the rumbling. Connecting to the boy makes him sad cuz he probably won’t make it through the rumbling. That’s why he’ll talk to the boy Personally 1on1 (memory shard), something like “you have to do X when time comes to survive”.

He saw himself in the boy and remembered the day he lost his home and his mum.

He's reminding himself of the day everything was taken from him and where he's forced to live in a refugee camp. Also he'll need to boy to get in Fort Slava.

I think hearing all those people talk about how they'll punish the kid reminded him of Grisha's sister getting killed, and he believes its only a matter of time for the boy to receive a similar fate.

The boy and his family most likely will reject and hate Eren after finding out that he is an Eldian. Eren knows that they are good people and they don't deserve to die, but even them are going to push the Eldians away, that why peace between Eldians and humanity isn't possible in Eren's eyes.

The boy was just like him, a refugee. The difference is that the child wasn’t alone in the world, and was able to stay cheerful despite everything.

He knows he finna die in the rumbling

  WHY DID EREN ASK MIKASA WHAT HE IS TO HER? 1,735 Responses

Some fantastic responses here. The majority of you seem to think Eren is seeking some form of reassurance; that he is a good person, and that he matters to her, but that the scene is not particularly framed as romantic, which as an answer only achieved third place. A number of responses focused on the fact that he might be testing if the Ackerbond is true; though it is debatable whether or not he knows of its existence at this point. Given his access to memories and Yelena’s presence on Paradis, it is not impossible that he does. At the core of the responses though, was the idea that he’s just a young man feeling guilty and seeking reassurance that he matters and is cared for.

He was testing to see if her response would be the same as how he saw it in his partial future vision.

He was questioning how free she was. Is her ties to him because of a debt owned from saving her? An obligation to family? Ackerman loyalty? He wants her love for him to be a genuine choice of hers - freedom.

He was trying to figure out whether or not the Ackerbond is true.

He's depressed and needs to know he matters

I think Eren was trying to find out if his friends love him for being "Eren", or if they simply stay by him because of loyalty. I think he was trying to find the strength to go through with the plan.

Let's break it down. The context of the situation is eren's sadness over the people he will have to kill especially the kids as he was watching the kid even eariler. now, eren is worried that mikasa's care for him is based on the belief  that he's a good person who saves kids but it's not who he truly is, he has it in him to kill kids and he will. So is her care genuine if it's build upon an idealized image she has of him? He asks because he has to know and he asks and he asks again and it takes this many attempts to get mikasa to say her answer slowly. I think isayama wanted to create the impression that mikasa had a different answer in mind(that she's in love with him) then the one she gave and eren could see that so he took it to mean that " family" wasn't wholehearted. He didn't find the confidence he looked for, that her familal love was why she cared for him and not her misplaced loyalty to a saint. He had a shred of doubt that he will take to his meeting with zeke who will tell him about the ackerbond

Maybe he wanted to hear that he is just Eren and not the savior of Paradis Island or some sort of devil.

  DO YOU THINK THE SCENE BETWEEN EREN AND MIKASA WAS FRAMED AS ROMANTIC? 1,761 Responses

Now this scene was very interesting. 47% of you think the scene was ‘somewhat’ romantic; that it had romantic elements to it, that it was romantic on Mikasa’s part but not Eren’s, or some other reason, but was not clear cut enough to be deemed a true romantic scene. Nonetheless, ‘yes’ was on a respectable 35% whilst ‘no’ trailed at 17%. The idea that Eren had seen this moment before and was hoping for a different answer as part of some test of whether or not the future could be changed was a common response, as in the previous question.

He loves Mikasa, thus he wants to know if Mikasa eventually feels the same, so he could have a reason not to destroy the whole world

He doesn't understand Mikasa's attachment to him

Eren has romantic feelings to Mikasa and most likely knows about her feelings to him. He was looking for a reason to change his path and start a family instead of crushing the world. The same was with Grisha, who gave up on his plan and decided to live a peaceful life with his family.

Confirm that the memories are true and to see if His future and fate with Mikasa and their relationship was already decided.

He saw this moment and hoped that Mikasa would answer differently - to see that the future isn't set in stone.

He wanted to know someone was there for him. I feel like once Eren changed he saw the true colors of the people around him and emailed that no one truly understood how he was feeling or tried to get him to talk his feelings out. I honestly don’t think that Eren likes Mikasa like that and I don’t think Mikasa knows Eren as much as she thinks she does.

He wanted to see if the future he saw was preordained. Mikasa answering that and the squad arriving with "perfect timing" made him realize it was, indeed, inevitable.

He was trying to make up his mind if either Mikasa was bound to him because of her Ackerman blood or if she had authentic feelings for him.

he was worried or afraid that he stole Mikasa's freedom

  WHAT WAS THE BEST PART OF THE 104TH DRINKING TOGETHER? 1,745 Responses

In a series like this, a happy and peaceful moment like the 104th passing out together after a night spent drinking  was sincerely appreciated. ~980 out of 1,745 of you said that was your favorite part of the drinking scene. 15% liked the part where Yung Fez crashed into Eren best, while 13.6% of you preferred the part where Sasha encouraged underaged drinking, and 8.4% preferred Connie and Jean’s late night resupply trip.

  WHO WAS THE MOST WHOLESOME IN THE PASSED OUT SCENE? 1,753 Responses

Here we have a question with no wrong answer! Most of you seem to agree that the scene in its entirety was pretty wholesome and relaxed, something we have been missing for quite a while. That said, we did force you to pick your favourite parts, and Mikasa sleeping whilst resting against Eren won, with Eren surrounded by his friends a close second. A fitting result, for a chapter focused so much on them.

I love the wholesome flashbacks!!! like ugh yes my children deserve 2 be happy :(

Can I join the 104th getting drunk please?!

Drunk 104th squad, best squad.

I feel like the wholesomeness of the drunk shenanigans is a terrifying indication that something awful is about to happen. We needed the other flashbacks but that wasn’t necessary. It seems significant somehow.

I really enjoyed the 104th getting drunk together

  WHY DO YOU THINK EREN LEFT WHEN HE DID? 1,733 Responses

Eren quietly left after one last night of partying with his friends, but why then?  60.9% say he left immediately following the man at the podium speaking due to it signifying to him peace wasn’t a plausible option.  32.3% think he had been planning to leave at that specific time for a while no matter what; and 4.6% say his conversation with Mikasa lead to him choosing to leave the next day.

Either the man's words led him to believe peace was impossible or he's a slave to the predetermined future he's seen.

He became disheartened and made up his mind to carry his own plan

He knew less people would notice and nobody could follow him so by the time they decided to chase him he'd be safe

He got some insight from the man on the podium on how they view Paradis, I felt like he left to truly confirm that this was their belief and peace wasn't an option. Hence why during the marly arc it was said that Eren vanished and lived in Marley for a while before attacking during the festival. + he was following the flow of his vision.

He had further proof for why the future that he saw couldn’t be stopped anymore.

Hearing the terrible speech from someone who they hoped would support him confirmed Eren’s suspicions that the world really is their enemy.

His plan to leave had been forming for some time. He was willing to try and search for some of these non-violent solutions the others were aimed for, but watching that speech just confirmed to him that there were no peaceful solutions for the Eldians of Paradise. Even the people most sympathetic to Eldians in general, still wanted to lay waste to the Paradise Eldians. Eren does care about his friends, and to him, this is the only way to go forward that ensures they will be safe.

He had it all planned and was looking for a reason not to do it, but didn't find any :(

That activist's words were just the cherry on top confirmation that peace was near impossible.

The Eren of the future made him decide to go

  DO YOU THINK MIKASA’S ANSWER TO EREN HAD ANY EFFECT ON HIS ACTIONS? 1,749 Responses

Mikasa regrets what she said to Eren and blames herself for his actions, is she right?  63.5% agree it could have changed something, but never his end goal.  22.6% don’t think it had any bearing on Eren’s actions or goal, and 11.9% believe he would have changed his path completely upon a different response.

Absolutely unsure. It might have made a difference, maybe not. In the end, it's the question if one can change the future they have seen thanks to the Attack Titan, I guess. Or if it's inevitable as Eren said.

Communication with her and his friends as a whole could've possibly changed things

I think that’s exactly what Eren needed to hear. He refuses to lose anymore family. It reaffirmed him.

If mikasa had said anything different than what she said, it would confirm that the future he saw was not definite. That the world would not be ending. That there was a different way.  And he could have taken that path.

He might’ve not done what he did in 112 to Mikasa. A fight could’ve been avoided.

I think Eren would've most certainly stayed with his family (yes I call them family) and changed his plan to align with what Mikasa and Armin favor at the moment, simply crushing the allied forces with the rumbling rather than crushing all of Planet Earth.

He was only trying to convince himself Mikasa was not taking care of him only because her Ackerman blood

It might not have changed his plan completely, but I believe it would have mattered in some way. Perhaps he subconsciously wanted her to talk him out of it.

I think he already knew the answer she was going to give, and by asking only confirmed what he knew. If she would have confessed it would have thrown Eren off for a moment only for him to stick to his plan no matter the cost.

It just affected his mood, not his decisions.

We honestly couldn't possibly know, and I think that is the beauty and the point of the entire scene.

I have no clue but I must scream AAAAA

We'll never know. And I think that's the point.

  WHAT DO YOU THINK OF EREN’S TITAN FORMING? 1,760 Responses

Despite the unusual shape and size of Eren’s final titan form, only 5% expressed that they where not a fan of it. The remaining 95% of the fandom was impressed with “WOAH” (42%) being the word that best sums things up

Bruh he can't even move in that form

Bridge titan

His titan is a homage to Godzilla, which was a homage to nuclear weapons so things have really come full circle

I think it just looks cool

I think he'll be over 500 meters. He'll be gigantic. The devil that oversees the destruction of the world. Godzilla Titan. It'll make the size of the Wallossals look like regular pure titans compared to the colossus.

It's a monstrous form to emphasise his monstrous actions.

Maybe it's a literal manifestation of activating the founder's powers from Ymir, but it can be symbolic of him being "unstoppable" at this point.

Renewed rotisserie chicken titan with SPIKES

This is pure conjecture but I think the titan is immobile. The limbs are tiny and if the ribs aren't imbedded in the ground they'll certainly cause a lot of friction. Also, it it very cage-like, and like the houses of Shiganshina it looks like the Colossus Titans are avoiding it. So.., perhaps people will be able to hide out inside it?

What if the two “spine flaps” develop into wings?

  DO YOU THINK THE SIZE AND/OR SHAPE OF EREN’S TITAN WILL BE IMPORTANT? 1,740 Responses

The general consensus is that Eren’s 15117 meter titan is going to have some unique significance. ~20% don’t think it will, and the rest have varying thoughts. Let’s take a look at them:

I figure it had something to with the founding titan power since we saw something similar with Rod when turned into a titan but, other than that I'm not sure

I think it is just a sign that brute force it will not effective to defeat him. That there is another way to stop him.

I think it’s the original form of the centispine

Chekhov’s plane

"size and shape of Eren's TITAN"? I like you very much poll people 😂

It will resemble the size of Yimr’s Founding Titan

It'd be very funny if he just...couldn't move.

No one engages thicc mode for no reason

Somewhat. Seems like the size would make it not be able to move, but it seems like a central node of sorts.

  THE WALL TITANS ARE ABLE TO TURN AROUND, AND THEY’RE COMING FROM WALL MARIA TOO! WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE START OF WHAT APPEARS TO BE A RUMBLING? 1,743 Responses

The fandom was unswayed by speculation about the titans position in the walls and all the things that could go wrong, so it was time for bragging rights.  “I knew Eren would have control of them” was the most popular answer (37.5%).

Curiosity about the rest of Paradis was secondary. “I hope we get to see the status of the other walls” (31.8%) and “They’re causing so much destruction to Paradis” (28.2%) were in the second and third spots. The write-ins were filled with questions about swimming titans. In retrospect, we should’ve had that as an option.

Can those Titans really travel across the ocean? They're big and all, but can they grasp the necessary movements to go through water? They were put in place to destroy THE ISLAND, after all. How slow would they be at that? Rumbling sounds dramatic but there's still plenty of time before shit starts to go down in other nations

Eren seems to be trying to minimize as much damage to Paradis as you can see how the colossal titans are walking organized in a single-file line.

I don't care I'm just worried about the Blouse family!

I hope wall Rose & Sina are ok. If not, then are favs families are in danger.

I knew Eren was going all out on this, meaning making all the walls collapse and this scene was just awe-inspiring and terrifying, holly hell

I hate this, is that an acceptable answer?

I wish we would’ve gotten to see more of it.

I'm worried about everyone, even the people from Paradis. I trust Eren's powers but I don't think it's the right choice. I have hopes that his plan turns out bigger than this.

This is a perfect excuse to see the northern district

  WHAT DID YOU THINK OF EREN SPEAKING TO ALL ELDIANS THROUGH PATHS? 1,741 Responses

The numbers are in, and JUST shy of 90% of you thought it was really cool to see Eren use PATHS FM to talk to every single Eldian. A few others don’t love the prominence of the P A T H S. Let’s look at a few other thoughts:

A mix of the two. Loved it, incredible dramatic effect, but what the actual fuck PATHS can't do anymore

Awesome. It's important to the plan that Eldians on the mainland heard his message too.

Chilling. Oh my god, the king is speaking.

Fucking awesome and Annie 100% heard him talking

Hahaha what the sweet fucc

@everyone

It feels weird the way he announced it... something’s up.

Tell everyone he knows his true intentions. Or makes someone make a choice based on what he's planned, which is the real outcome hes seen.

Very Interesting. Annie will likely hear and not be too thrilled.

  WHAT IS YOUR PRIMARY THOUGHT ABOUT EREN’S MONOLOGUE? 1,751 Responses

The snk fandom? Divided on Eren’s actions? Who could have predicted this!? 31.2% of respondents said that, above all else, they were primarily glad to see Eren’s thoughts and plans finally revealed. Trailing close behind, like Shia Lebeauf, 31% said that Eren’s monologue will go down as one of the greatest speeches in anime/manga history.

23.2% were disturbed that Eren’s plan was about killing billions of people. 11.1% of voters were just Connie Springer on 190 computers, saying, “It didn’t seem like Eren. It gives me hope that this isn’t his true plan.”

You’ll notice that there’s a seemingly missing part of the graph. Nothing is actually missing there, that’s just like, sixty different 1 vote responses. Three cheers for technological limitations!

Both awed and disturbed

Epic, not quite as epic as Erwin's speech from The Nameless Soldiers, but the artwork and transitions between real world and path world were amazing and really added a lot.

He's making himself into an enemy that the world will unite to defeat.

I am sad to see the decision he took. I do understand his motives and I also feel like there's no other way, the cycle of war and hatred would continue until one of the two people is exterminated. Let's not forget that Marley and other nations want to exterminate the eldians. In a sense, he's trying to protect his people, it's a sort of self defense. That's not to say it's the best way.

I don’t necessarily believe it since his flashback/pov is not even shown yet.

Well yeah, I'm in to what I think he's planning

well, it's clear that Eren will be the final antagonist.

Yuuki Kaiji's going to snatch all of us when this hits the anime

  EVERY EREN IS HOT. TRUE OR FALSE? 1,772 Responses

Dedication to Eren in all his forms is clearly evident as 52.9% classify Eren’s nightmarish final titan form as hot.

I hope Eren’s face doesn’t stay that messed up

Eren is a chad and needs more shirtless panels.

Eren's face looks like an Oni mask in the last panel

  DO YOU THINK MIKASA BEING PRESENT IN THE PATHS DIMENSION DECIDES THAT SHE HAS ELDIAN BLOOD, ONCE AND FOR ALL? 1,742 Responses

We thought this was an important question to ask, as many fans are confused as to the exact nature of Mikasa’s heritage and blood. Therefore, a lot of the responses we got were from fans who thought it was obvious she had Eldian blood; despite this, the majority of you still think she cannot turn into a titan, perhaps because the Ackerman genome prevents it. Nonetheless, a small number of fans also seem to think she has no Eldian blood at all, and is only in the paths dimension due to touching Armin.

Ackerman is said to be sub product of titan experiment. It is possible that Eldian Empire injected Titan Shifter's spinal fluid to non eldian, including Ackerman. They have maybe little DNA of Eldian that related to Titan transformation.

Ackermans are titan experients that use the paths ... so Im not surprised she is there ... I dont think that necessarily means she can turn into a titan

Don't Ackermans have access to PATHS as well, even though they don't have Eldian blood? Or do they have a separate PATHS dimension? I think Levi's on the brink of death situation will answer this

Hasn't it been clear for a long time that she has Eldian blood?

I always thought the Ackermans were of Eldian blood.

I didn't even knew there was doubt

No, she touched Armin

No, she's there because she's touching Armin

She always was eldian you dolts lol

  DO YOU THINK EREN TRULY INTENDS TO DESTROY THE WORLD, OR DO YOU THINK HE’S BLUFFING? 1,755 Responses

What’s the expression, “Nothing new under the sun?” Eren’s been talking about destroying the entire world since Season 1, and nearly 60% (58.2, technically) of you guys think he’s actually about to do it. Just over a third (33.9%) of you think he’s totally bluffing, and if I can do math at at least a third grade level, that leaves 7.9% of you guys unsure about whether or not he’s telling the truth.

  IF YOU BELIEVE HE’S BEING HONEST ABOUT HIS INTENTIONS, DO YOU THINK THAT HE WILL BE STOPPED? 1,705 Responses

Regardless of how we view the full rumbling, 60% of the fandom think he’ll be stopped one way or another. Armin and Mikasa stopping the genocide was the top answer (37.8%) followed by the Survey Corps (7.1%). Zeke saving his little brother (3%) narrowly edged out the Warriors (2.5%). As always, we had plenty of write ins.

Survey Corps x Warriors team up to stop the mad lad himself

All mentioned groups will finally work together to stop him

All of these options are possible, and I'm scared.

Armin and Reiner will probably be the ones to stop him.

Armin Arlert, Reiner (Helos) Braun, and Annie will team up to stop him. titan Reiner will ride on titan Armin's shoulders and blend into the colossal crowd, until they get close enough to stop Eren. Then Annie, awaken by the total rumbling, will use her scream to cause the collosals to consume each other. the end

Armin or Mikasa will have to kill him

At this point, i believe that Zeke, The Warriors and probably someone from the old gang will join to stop him.

Both sides like the paradise/survey corps and Marley/the warriors/rest of the world will work the together as one to take down one powerful enemy, it’s eren Yeager and his army of wall Titans that will destroy the outside lands

Eren said when Armin was dying that Armin would be the one to save the world. Maybe it's something he saw from the future.

Everyone else except Zeke and a few others (like Yelena and Floch) will be involved in stopping him as well as making sure Zeke doesn't get his will either

He won't stop out of his own free will, but something might go wrong and the rumbling will get interrupted before the whole world is gone.

I don't think he will be (or even could be) stopped, but I believe the SC and the warriors will still try to stop him

Yes, every nation in the world + Paradis will gang up in a Great Alliance

I hope he can be stopped somehow but I don’t know how. Poor Ymir might have to make another awful sacrifice. Ugh. Or historia.

I think he will be stopped. I think he WANTS to be stopped. But I'm not sure by who and how

Reiner will stop him, at the cost of both of their lives

I'd like to choose the first option but I don't think A-M will succeed only with 'talks'. I believe they'll be forced to do 'something more' than it.

No "Team Effort" answer?

Ymir will stop him

  IF EREN IS NOT BLUFFING, DO YOU BELIEVE THAT HIS ACTIONS ARE JUSTIFIED? 1,759 Responses

Eren’s seemingly finally revealed his plan, and it’s drastic.  But is it justified?  We got an incredibly close split, showing just how divisive Eren’s actions are, but also that there’s a lot of support on both sides.  By a hair, at 50.4%, the fandom is overall condemning of Eren, while the other half at 49.6% can see where he’s coming from.

This chapter made me to understand Eren better. I found that he hasn't changed and he is really in pain. Eren didn't turn into a cruel monster who hates his friends. He is full of pain because he believes that his fate is about killing a lot of innocent people. He was trying to avoid it as much as he could but for some reason the vision of the future was always right. I believe that Eren isn't free but is a big slave of his own beliefs. He is sure that he cannot change anything. Yet he forgot that his freedom is about his decisions and actions he takes.

There is no such thing as self-defense genocide, as much part of the fandom wants to force it to be neither is ever justifiable

There is more to Eren's plan. Perhaps it's a bluff? Or a warning/threat? It will go much deeper than What It appears now.

Opens a lot of interpretations, which I am not a fan of. Eren still has not proven himself to be a villain or a hero. Will have to wait

We need a way to put Eren down. He’s already disposed of Zeke’s plan, now he’s calling out for help. He’s taunting every Eldian via paths to try and stop him, to please stop him. Armin has been foreshadowed as the one to save humanity, and I think now he will live up to it to protect the ones he loves.

I don´t understand how you could justify Eren´s doings. To save his homeland, to protect his family is not enough to justify this genocide. I hardly sympathize with him, and killing each and everyone of his enemies is not the right solution.

The chapter was great but seriously ppl who are trying to justify eren's plan and motives just need to calm the fuck down

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩☆۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬

☆★☆ ＥＲＥＮ ＹＥＡＧＥＲ ＤＩＤ ＮＯＴＨＩＮＧ ＷＲＯＮＧ ☆★☆

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩☆۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬

  DO YOU THINK THAT EREN IS THE VILLAIN IN THIS STORY? 1,769 Responses

Token Eren supporter here. This graph speaks for itself, so instead of rattling off numbers at you guys for like, the fifteenth time this post, here are some fun, relevant facts:

You can’t spell slaughter without laughter!

There are an estimated 12 times more trees on the planet than there are stars in the galaxy. That’s a LOT of places to check for a centispine.

Eren Jaeger did nothing wrong

Those are some neat facts! That’s probably because I’m a genius and I’m way smarter than everyone, because I support Eren Jaeger. Now before you REEEEE in the comments, here are the thoughts of the unwashed masses:

At this point, I see Eren is a example of 'You either die a hero or live long enough to you see yourself as the villian' and somewhat of anti-Villain.

Eren is not *the* villain, but he is *a* villain. SNK has always emphasised multiple points of view. There will never be The Villain.

WHICH STATEMENT MOST CLOSELY MATCHES YOUR THOUGHTS ABOUT EREN’S PLAN? 1,749 Responses

Thoughts on Eren’s plan are very interesting to look at, so let’s look at these numbers on the graph in another way.  While the majority, at 57.8% agree that Eren’s plan is the best route, they admit it’s cruel.  So while this number outshines the total 34.9% that don’t side with him, both groups of not siding with him outshine the 7.3% that gave Eren’s plan the best moral ranking you could out of the options.

Even I, eternally wary of Eren and all extremist characters in general, was surprised that his plan was unlimited destruction rather than offensive attacks until capitulation. The wholesale destruction of every living being without actually knowing whether they personally hate and fear Paradis is vicious and fearful beyond what I expected from him.

Eren is a great MC for his grey areas so I don't like people reducing him to just evil when it's clear that it's his desperation and love for the Eldians what led him to this. I hope when the anime comes the public will see the bigger scheme and not just hear the words of a "genocidal" because that isn't Isayama's intention at all.

Eren did nothing wrong! But seriously I question if there was really another way since the ones ruling the rest of the world are determined to end paradisians if not all eldians. Eren being able to see glimpses of the future is a curse which drained him and ultimately he wished for things to be different but the world would not allow that.

It upset me because genocide and I want to think there’s another twist coming but I wouldn’t say it’s ooc if the spade is indeed a spade.

Already knew his plan is mass genocide. Now my only hope is for his friends to stop and defeat him.

I think the outcome of his plan will be really bad. Even though I understand his intentions and don't even think he's a villain at all, someone will have to stop him and "set him free" just like he did with Ymir. I think that we're gonna lose Eren forever and that makes me really heartbroken.

#ErenDidNothingWrong2k19

  DO YOU THINK HISTORIA'S ALLEGIANCE IS WITH EREN? DO YOU THINK THEY'VE BEEN WORKING TOGETHER? 1,736 Responses

Historia is still a big question mark at this point, do you think she’s in line with Eren now that we know what he wants?  A little less than ⅔, at 63.5% say yes they’re working together, whereas about ⅓, at 36.5% still aren’t convinced she’s aligned herself with him.

This is Eren moving his Chess piece. I’m excited to see Historia make her move. Then to see how the Warriors and rest of the world are going to counterattack.

I'd love to see Historia's POV sooner or later

Eren already made up his mind since he talked with Yelena and Historia before his depart.

What does Hisu think about all the kids who weren't lucky enough to be born within the walls being crushed to death? Is she still determined to rush out there and tell them that they should have been born? Because there are gonna be a loooot of kids who wish they weren't born if Eren succeeds.

I hope we'll soon get to see Historia & Annie.

  WHAT ARE YOU HOPING TO SEE NEXT CHAPTER? 1,746 Responses

With the series winding to a close, we want it all and we want it now! While the Rumbling (27.2%), present day Levi and Hange (24.8%), and Historia (24.2%) are the top 3, requests for Annie have been up slightly with the last two chapters. The possibility of her being in the PATHS realm is strong. She was mentioned 21 times in the write-ins.

I just. Need Annie. For god's sake I can't go on reading snk without her I-

I want more rumbling and less flashbacks.

I hope to see Annie in the next one, that's all

The last question was unfair, there are so many thing I want to see next :D of course annie historia levi hange, as always. But I chose the eren-fez boy memory because it's the most relevant part now and I fear that if we don't see it now we'll never see it.

I want to see Annie and Hange/Levi AND rumbling AND more drunk 104th AND Historia and OMG pls show all in next 40 pages Yams thankx

Rumbling and Warriors! I want to see jean, reiner, and connie react to earth devil eren who is transforming in front of them. Mayne we'll see a reunion from jean/connie with their former brother figure Reiner. They'll work together.

i WANT TO SEE THE RUMBLING GOING FULL FORCE WITH NO HALF ASS STOP!!

I understand that flasbacks are very important, but I hope to see present-time action more

Less flashbacks, more rumble

LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Levi anda hange come back in beg you

Why can't I pick all the options for the last question :(((

  WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 1,651 Responses

Reddit continues to dominate the discussion field, followed distantly by Tumblr. The mind absolutely boggles trying to understand why there could have been an exodus of Tumblr users that used to discuss the series there. I still remain thoroughly convinced that you four that voted snapchat either all know each other, or you’re all voting it for the meme. Nonetheless, unironically, jokes aside, in all seriousness, so there can be no doubt, genuinely, we appreciate poll takers from all platforms!

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE CHAPTER? 366 Responses

Awesome!!! Cruel, but Awesome!!!

God I had missed Levi so much

AoT has been one heck of a villain origin story

STEP ON ME, DADDY EREN

AoT has been delivering amazing chapters non-stop, and I fucking love it

Just hope floch lives tbh

My heart is shattered because of Eren. I truly love him and don't him to suffer anymore. I don't want to see Mikasa and Armin suffering for him again (I will never recover from chapter 112. I literally cried my eyes out when I read it).

I believe in Eren even if I don't like the fact that he's ready to kill (as it seems) the rest of the world. We still need some more fb and the one we got was amazing. It was really moving. I can't wait to see what happens next

For the past year, the manga just continues peaking and peaking. Eren is the greatest character in the story and these last 5 chapters have each been contender for the greatest chapter.

Incredible, Isayama has nailed how to tie flashbacks into what's happening presently in the story. This is by far the darkest chapter yet... can't wait to see what's next.

Best chapter of the entire story in my opinion and possibly the best chapter of all manga.

I hope this doesn't go the Code Geass route.

Best. Chapter. Ever. It puts everything together. I can't wait to see the next chapters, especially Eren's POV, though I kinda think we might only be getting it in the very last chapter.

The logistic problems of getting the wall titans to the other nations alone is enough to make me question whether they'll ever make it before Eren is stopped. Literally how are they going to get across the ocean? Stick rafts (I mean we've seen Eren's titan build a stick house before so that would be quite fun to me actually)? I sincerely doubt Eren is going to Paths-transmit a frontcrawl swimming lesson to them, and if they just trundle across the ocean floor they're going to run out of energy since neither sunlight nor moonlight can penetrate to that depth. AND they're gonna crush every fucking thing between them and ocean on their way!! Those things are far too massive to manoeuvre themselves around Paradis civilians. I just...don't see how this can work even if we DON'T look at the moral implications!

Founding Titan is overpowered as fuck. I can't stop thinking about that panel from chapter 2, when Reiner says Eren is the worst person to have the founding titan. I guess he was right

I felt that it was odd for eren to declare his motive especially when he knows Eldians from Marley can here it as well, I felt that he had ulterior motives.

Who needs cell phones when you have Paths?

Although I knew it was coming, I feel disappointed that the series went this way. Worldwide destruction is cartoonishly evil so I had been hoping that my fears wouldn't be realized. If we had to have this, I would have rather at least followed Eren through the events and gotten his direct PoV, rather than having his PoV become the new mystery drawn out over the course of a few years' worth of chapters, just to end up with this easily-guessed endgame, and only getting brief flashbacks to make us understand how it got to this point. I'm really underwhelmed by this arc.

Didnt think he'd legit kill every human. Doesnt even make sense. He doesnt really know what people think outside of what he's seen/what Kiyomi says. Talk about being ignorant.

Honestly, this may be dumb of me but I was expecting something a bit more nuanced? And, maybe it is we'll have to see. I'm not disappointed, but i guess I'm not all that surprised either. I'm more like, 'huh. i see'

I don't buy that he really wants to annihilate everyone outside Paradis (think of fez kid and family!) so I'm mostly curious why he needs to tell a lie only Subjects of Ymir will hear.

@the question "is eren the villain". I answered no but he's definetely *a* villain in this story.

Before reading this chapter, I was expecting to see mass destruction and I thought I was gonna be really sad while reading it, but I really like how there was a flashback. I know after the cliffhanger from last chapter, I didn't want a change of perspective, but I was actually happy to see the squad together in Marley because I do miss them all together ...I also really loved Levi in the flashback. It was hilarious when the clown thought he was a kid and I loved how he saved that kid who pick-pocketed Sasha. Seeing him the flash back made me realize how much I missed him and I really hope he is alive the next time we see him because he deserves to survive the end.

Christ, Eren is scary. I really hope he doesn't succeed, his plan won't bring peace

Drunk 104th squad, is the best squad

ELDIA 4 EVER

EM SCENES WERE SO GOOD AND BITTERSWEET!

Eren is about to pull a Lelouch so much.

Eren is more like Light then Lelouch

Eren is risking everybody on Paradis since he destroyed the three walls. It's not like he gave a delay for everybody to hide behind Wall Sina and unleash destruction with Wall Rose and Maria. The battlefield happens to be lucky because the city is deserted and Shiganshina is the southermonst part of the walled section. But in the meantime Eren is terrorizing the entire population on the island and might even kill those in the way. He's not doing this for Eldian supremacy either since mainland Eldians fall under the scope of his attack. Hell even their allies, Hizuru, are on his target list.

Everything about this chapter is SAD, eren leave his beatiful life with his friends, make a big responsibility on his shoulder ALONE, His friends denying about his behaviour change, forced to see a horror scenery in his mind (from future or past memories), and so yeah i hope eren will be "saved" by someone dont make him a mass murderer because his decided future. Someone like mikasa and armin, please..

the artwork in this chapter was quite fantastic. Some really good panels, and the last double page was just phenomenal. 11/10 for the artwork.

Given Eren specified that the walls' hardening had been undone, I think we will not only see Annie return given her hardened crystal may shatter, but I think next chapter we will see the return of all of the characters we haven't seen for a while as they look onto the horizon to see what has begun

There have been many warning signs throughout the manga that Eren’s ultimate goals have always been extreme, extreme to the point of complete annihilation, starting with the desire of completely annihilating the titans and then everyone who isn’t a subject of Ymir.

I definitely liked that we get a flashback, showing our favorite characters together one last time before everything goes down. But I REALLY think it’s about time we get to see Levi & Hange, especially Annie again in the next chapter.

I don't understand how so many people in the fandom are shocked that Eren wants to destroy the world, it was pretty obvious for a while. Also I'm really disturbed how many of his rabid stans still defends him... I mean, c'mon, you can love him and understand his reasons, but justify him and rooting for him is just fucked up.

I enjoyed it overall, but i did not expect or like the fact that the flashback took around 70% of the chapter. Specially when the flashback itself does not provide any kind of new information that we did not see in other chapters, other than the fact of showing us the Paradise main cast being on Marley for the first time, wich i loved.

Nothing can justify genocide, but I understand and feel sorry for him. This whole chapter is about him crying out for help, trying to change the future events he’s already seen, hoping desperately that SOMETHING will go differently and that he won’t have to do what he has to. But the world of Attack On Titan is a cruel place and the conflict between Eldia and the rest of the world won’t go away until one of them is destroyed. Zeke chose the world, Eren chose his country, his people and his friends.

I like to think that Eren at his core really does only wish to save the people he loves and promised to protect and fight for, and that he doesn't really want genocide and will even soften up soon, even if he needs help to be snapped out of it first. I also like to think his whole being, mind and ideology and all got convoluted when mingled together with the wills and memories of so many other previous titan holders, and that not everything is his own genuine will or wish.

I really hope Eren's solution will mirror the 'miracle' that happened between Uri and Kenny back in Ch. 69. Uri asked whether it was violence that averted their path of mutual destruction, and while Kenny makes a snarky remark about how Uri grabbed Kenny with his titanized hand, I think there's some truth in that. Perhaps Eren will clutch the world with the wall titans and stop the rumbling just short? Though I can't see Eren going to his knees like Uri did, so this may just be wishful thinking. Guess we'll see next month.

I really love how Eren turned out although some might think him as a heartless person. But that scene with him silently shedding a tear shows that he still has emotions and feels empathy & sympathy towards others. He is still very clear of his goal and plan and his courage to do what he thinks it's right even though everyone has doubts towards him really shows his courage to always move forward no matter what. I don't think destroying the whole world was his true plan after all, it just seemed way too far fetched for me. I can't wait for the next chapter to reveal more of his intentions and plan.

I really love the chapter because it was wholesome and tragic at same time which the author is good at balancing bittersweet stuff to his work which I love and respect him for doing it

I think it is time to the Ackermans to shine in this final battle. They cannot be controled by the FT unlike the rest of the eldians (including Historia and Zeke). I bet my money to Mikasa to become the "reincarnation of Helos" and defeat Eren (with a tons of angst betwixt). Kill your beloved one? sound like another twisted and evil idea from Isayama to make us suffer, his readers.

I thought I'll say that but here I am. I believed there is enough good in Eren Yeager to fight for all people. I was wrong and that hurts. I'm totally suing him.

I thought Ymir would do the rumbling though. Ymir, please show yourself more!

I’m so sad.. I love you Eren.. please use your pretty brain even though I know you’re trying so damn hard I love you and you deserve better

Isayama was attempting murder with that Eren and Mikasa conversation. I never thought he would make Eren ask something like "what am I to you?" to Mikasa in fucking canon and I almost died while reading.

i really miss when everything was about just killing titans, even tho i really like how the story is developing at this point. i could never imagined it wiil be like this.

look guys I know diplomacy isnt flashy and you want Eren to be the tormented anti-hero fighting for the little people. but I swear some of you are thirteen years old with the level of nuance you can apparently handle. Gabi is devil incarnate but Eren is justified in murdering billions of people he's never met or talked to because he's afraid they might not like him? You need to be better than this.

Looking forward to seeing the carnage Eren unleashes after years of abuse from Marley and the outside world.

Masterpiece!!! Love it!! It’s like you got a little bit of everything in this chapter! Mikasa POV, The Rumbling, a little bit of fan service, the Eren and mikasa talk .. 10/10

Eren using titans to kill his enemies? That the first king. This is the reason everyone hates Eldians, Eren what the fuck

Kiyomi is the most fishy character of Snk. I have noticed Kiyomi seldom makes eye contacts with the Survey Corps during the talk. She definitely hides info and lies to them.

Remember that you would most likely not be on Paradis. You would most likely be minding your own business, rocking your child to sleep or visiting your grandma, when that wall of titans came to crush the life out of you for the sin of being born in the wrong place at the wrong time. And if we thought that was unacceptable when it happened to Eren and co. then we must consider it unacceptable for every other innocent civilian caught in the crosshairs of war.

Seeing the "hero" descending to full villain and it being true would be crushingly sad, but cool and very daring at the same time. I'm not sure if it's definitely what Isayama is doing, but it'd be very ballsy and I'd adknowledge that. I love irony and it would be very ironic so, yeah.

Shows how miserable Eren's life truly is. He clearly doesn't want to do what he is doing but also understands that it NEEDS to be done. It can be only him and nobody else. How we went from an angry boi to a literal god.

SnK is the only series that can make me simultaneously want to see Eren fucking obliterate everything, but also want to see "those days" come back.

Starting of with the *many* elephants in this rom, I really liked how Issayma portrayed the colossal Titans marching. It looks so gloomy and dark. The flashback parts were so wholesome, especially for a a chapter about genocide. Having this shift in tone from the start was a great idea. I'm still not a fan of Eren destroying the entire world. I know it's the probably the only definite solution but I'm starting to like Zeke's Plan more now lol

Team Eren. Reset the world!

The beginning was so freaking cute. By the end, I felt disturbed and disappointed. I thought Yams was doing something that didn't make sense. But now I strongly feel that we still haven't had Eren's real plan revealed to us. Eren intends to sacrifice himself, letting his friends defeat him to convince the world to see Paradis in a different light and make peace possible.

The flashback in general might not have been necessary but it was very much appreciated for once. It took me back to the comedy panels Isayama used to scatter in other arcs. It may also serve the purpose of making us remember how much we love these characters before they kill them all in front of us because Yams is sadistic like that and there is no way he won't enjoy our tragic tears. Love him though.

Zook faceplanting the sand is a power move

What a chapter! Feels like last final breath before shit will hit the fan for real, can't wait for next chapter...

[kristallioness]

21 Questions about ATLA

I was tagged by @atypicalkataangist. Wow, thanks for including me in this quiz! I've seen others reblog a list of numbered questions similar to these, expecting to receive some asks that they could answer in return. But now I get to do them in one go.

1) Who's your favourite male character?

I'm unoriginal and gonna say it's Aang. Not only because of him being the main character, but also because he was the first boy in the show who I immediately started to like (Sokka was second, Zuko was third in the beginning since he was a villain and I grew to love him more and more along with his character development), the way he balances his carefree, childish personality with his more mature, responsible side, his back story and peaceful culture.. Most importantly, without him, there wouldn't be the second half of such a lovely couple like he and Katara are.

2) Who's your favourite female character?

Katara. She's not only my favourite female character, but favourite character of them all, right from the start and until the end. The moment I saw her I fell in love since she looked really pretty and she wore a braid, just like me. Seeing what a caring, motherly, fierce personality she had (like mine) only fuelled my love for her.

3) What's your favourite quote?

Since Katara's my favourite character, then my first choice would be: "I will never, ever turn my back on people who need me!" Because that's sort of who I am and what I'm like, too. It's almost like a motto that I live by without thinking about it twice. I'm self-sacrificing and try to help my friends whenever they need it and as much as I can. I just remembered another good one, a quote that affected me on a more personal level. I'm pretty sure that only 0.0000000001% of the fandom would choose this one: "I don't care what I look like. I'm not looking for anyone's approval. I know who I am." The best part is, this is something that Toph says to Katara after she's been made fun of for her appearance by a bunch of prissy Upper Ring Earth Kingdom girls. How did this affect me? I started crying when I first saw this scene. Why? Because this was something that I'd been struggling with for years. I'd been bullied for my appearance at school. It used to make me feel worthless, unlovable, alone, probably also the reason why I turned into such a quiet person who doesn't know how to be around real friends. Hearing a blind, tomboyish, badass earthbender say what I needed to hear all along made me understand that it's not true - my appearance does not define my worth or who I am inside.

4) What's your favourite fight?

I knew you answered Katara and Pakku's duel @atypicalkataangist (and that one came to my mind, too, since it is one of my favourites because of reasons), but since I recently rewatched "The Serpent's Pass", I'm gonna pick Aang and Katara beating up that huge serpent. That was some awesome bending teamwork there! I went through all of the episodes in my head, and I gotta say that I also really like the duel between Aang and Zuko in "Bato of the Water Tribe". And one of the first ones where Haru and his father Tyro, along with the rest of the earthbenders, fight their way to freedom in the prison. The ending of that episode always leaves me with such a powerful feeling.

5) What's your favourite episode?

The big finale, "Sozin's Comet, Part 4: Avatar Aang". I sobbed practically throughout the entire episode when I first saw it. The soundtrack playing in the end is so beautiful to listen to and it still brings tears to my eyes. This episode concludes everything the show set up in the most unexpected ways possible. I mean, did any of us foresee Zuko being crowned the new Fire Lord (after you watched the first episode)? Did our hearts break into a million pieces when Katara and Aang kissed and became a couple in the end? Enough said.

6) From which nation would you like to be?

I'm not sure whether this is cheating or not, but since the story of ATLA continues in the comics and during Korra's time, I'd really love to be from the United Republic of Nations. I just love how it's a nation of mixed cultures, I am in LOVE with Republic City (as well as its 1920's aesthetic) and the capital reminds me of my own (Tallinn is also near the sea, has a marvellous silhouette, 4 seasons). Or if not, then my choice would definitely be the Water Tribes. I've explained it pretty well under the description of this drawing of mine.

7) Which element would you like to be able to bend and why?

Easy, I'd pick water since my 2nd choice when applying for university 5 years ago was to become a doctor. I'd like to use my healing abilities to cure people and my graceful waterbending to battle bad guys like Katara!

8) Favourite animal in the Avatar Universe?

I'm probably unoriginal, but I'm torn between the sky bison or the dragons. Oh, and the ostrich horses!

9) Who would you like to be your teacher and why?

I'm thinking it could be either Katara, Aang or Zuko, in this exact order. Katara and Aang would both be really supportive and I consider Zuko to be really wise (remember what he said to Korra before departing? he learned so much throughout the years).

10) What was the saddest moment in the show?

I have an entire list of the scenes/moments that made me cry, let me check.. *reads* Which sad moment made me cry the most, I'mma pick that one.. Okay, I can't decide because there are a few, let me name them: * the ones that stand out the most are all 3 finales * when Katara thought that her mother was alive in the swamp * when Aang enters the Avatar State and wants to kill the sandbenders, but Katara doesn't run away and instead grabs his hand and pulls him back down into her embrace and they cry together * Iroh singing the lullaby to his deceased son on his birthday (my parents have always said that one of the worst things a parent can live through is the death of their own child, so when I saw this scene, I understood what they meant and started crying) * Jet's death * Aang unlocking his heart chakra * almost the entirety of "The Awakening" (because everything seemed so hopeless and going the wrong way, when Katara and Hakoda talked), seriously, this is the most depressing episode in my book and that's why I love it so much * Sokka talking to Toph about how he's forgotten what his mother looks like and Katara is the one who's taken her place * when the invasion fleet was defeated on the Day of Black Sun and Katara knelt down beside Aang to comfort him * Zuko and his uncle Iroh's reconciliation and his speech to Team Avatar before they departed

11) What was the most shocking moment in the show?

You answered the same way: Aang getting shot with lightning. It came out of nowhere. When I saw Katara's face full of hope I thought that now they were going to make it since Aang had the power to face the Dai Li as well as Zuko and Azula. In a split second, everything changed and took a turn for the worst.

12) What was the funniest moment in the show?

There are so many good jokes, how do you expect me to pick just one??? Okay, umm.. when Sokka tried to fight against the villagers who believed too much of Aunt Wu's fortunes with logic and rational thinking (I can relate to him, poor Sokka).. How Aang messed up and unintentionally made Katara upset by insulting her instead of giving her a compliment when they were lost in the caves. Or the time Sokka and Katara had to pose as Aang's parents to go to the principal's office after school.

13) What was the most unforgettable moment in the show?

Maybe the whole scene before Zuko's coronation starts, "Peace" playing in the background, we see friends and family reunited, happy, alive. We witness something few of us could've predicted: the last person we ever thought, who went through and learned so much, is crowned the new Fire Lord. It's such a victorious moment and never leaves me without emotion.

14) Which one is your favourite book?

I have a weird system concerning this. Book 1 was sort of like the start of their journey, the world was slowly being built and introduced to us. Book 2 became much more serious, the characters gained more depth and the stakes began to rise. When I thought it couldn't get any better, I was proven horribly wrong. Book 3 became far more emotional than I ever could've imagined. So it's like my love grew with each book, and I kind of love the last one the most for this reason.

15) Who had the greatest character development in the show?

Everybody developed so much, but I'd definitely say it was Zuko. At first, I didn't really care much about him. Just another villain trying to capture someone for his own personal gain, I figured. But that all changed when I saw his back story in "The Storm". I started to look at him from a completely different angle. I began to understand where he came from, why he was doing this. I saw how much he struggled, how many wrongs he committed. The climax was when he faced his own father and told him: "No! I've learned everything! And I've had to learn it on my own. Growing up, we were taught that the Fire Nation was the greatest civilization in history and somehow, the war was our way of sharing our greatness with the rest of the world. What an amazing lie that was! The people of the world are terrified by the Fire Nation! They don't see our greatness, they hate us! And we deserve it." This is what he learned by spending time as a refugee in the Earth Kingdom, by witnessing firsthand what his nation, what this war was doing to others. And he was determined to set things right by joining Aang and his friends, teaching him firebending and stopping his own homeland from going down this path.

16) What do you love most about Avatar: The Last Airbender?

The story that Bryan and Michael came up with. I have NEVER cried so much, laughed at so many original jokes, heard such gorgeous instrumental music made by Jeremy Zuckerman, the raw emotion behind the voice actors.. every little bit is what makes this story and this series so amazing, fulfilling and perfect.

17) What do you hate most about Avatar: The Last Airbender?

I don't hate anything about the show per se, perhaps more about the way the fandom can act sometimes.

18) With which character do you identify most?

Like I answered in question 2, Katara. Her personality reflects mine the most, we share similar values in life, I love her family (Hakoda and Sokka) because they have such loving relationships with each other (Katara and Hakoda made me emotional several times, and they only had a few scenes together!).

19) Is Avatar: The Last Airbender your favourite cartoon/anime?

Ever since I discovered it, and I think it'll remain as my favourite cartoon for the rest of my life. Nothing can ever impact me as much as Avatar has.

20) Would you want to be the Avatar?

Thinking just how messed up our own world is right now, how my aggressive eastern neighbour has occupied parts of 2 independent countries, how helpless and angry I feel that I can't do anything about it - Y E S. I want to bring peace and balance back to our world, too. And if I had my own loving, supportive partner (like Aang) by my side, I'd do it again in a thousand lifetimes.

21) What's your favourite ship?

I personally ship everything that has been or is currently canon. My OTP is obviously Kataang, though I'm also one of the few friendly multishippers out here. Which means that I don't mind seeing beautiful stuff about Zutara either, for instance. (Seriously, you should check out my tag, there are so many lovely gifsets there, be it romantic or platonic.)

To sum up, thank you once more for tagging me! I'm not gonna tag anyone specific, but if any of you would like to do this, too, then go ahead! It was really fun to reflect back on why I love this show so much.

[zirawrites]

1,2,4,5,7,8 for Madam Draper and her hubby Dr. Eggman if you don’t mind! 😆

Romance Asks || meme - OPEN

I’m working on my first AO3 fic today so send me questions about my OC Draper :)

1. What drew your character to their LI and vice versa?

Draper admires Deacon for a lot of things. He has an unwavering passion to help synths similar to her own (even if Draper only does it to spite mankind). His strategies often involve taking a step back to analyze their surroundings and strike from the shadows, similar to Draper’s stealth approach. But before she learned the inner mechanisms of how Deacon worked, she fell madly in love with his sense of humor.

Before the bombs fell, Draper was the jokiest in her marriage. Her sense of humor was extremely sarcastic, and a little dry. However, Draper used her humor to get what she wanted. A laugh out of Nate. A witness on the stand to let their guard down. A pushy man at the bar to back off.

Deacon oozed with this sense of humor. Not only did this show his intelligent side, but it was the first time Draper related to anyone in 200 years. An instant bond was formed over sassing settlers and shoot the shit with Tinker Tom.

For Deacon, he was attracted to Draper’s ability to adapt. What Draper did that didn’t make her stand out appealed to him the most. She was able to pick her code name with ease. She got along instantly with everyone in HQ. If they came across an enemy, Draper knew almost instantly how to deal with them. His partner could blend in to any background, and Deacon admired that kind of survival mechanism. Even he was still perfecting the craft.

2. What was the first moment that they knew they were in love with their LI?

Shortly after discovering the Institute, Draper began to fall in to a deep depression. It wasn’t as terrible as it is now, but feeling anything but constant energy sunk Draper to a low point. Deacon said they both needed a break from saving the world, and took her on a side mission to basically find something to do. 

They were exploring the Commonwealth shores when they stumbled upon Atom Cats garage. Draper wasn’t sure how she felt about the group’s… unusual vernacular. She found it a little cringey, and mostly hard to blend in with. But Deacon thought it was the funniest damn thing he’d ever seen. He sat on the counter while Roxy introduced him to the gang. Every time someone made a painfully bad reference to 50′s slang, Deacon wriggled his eyebrows at Draper.

Deacon bounced around the garage like it was a toy store. Draper knew damn well he was going to talk like them the rest of the way home to HQ. He somehow convinced her to get a drink at the bar, and started telling the Atom Cats about their craziest adventures (omitting the Institute, of course). Deacon told the one where Draper gave the Heimlich maneuver to a ghoul at the Third Rail, except he changed Fancy Lad to a piece of Deathclaw egg. He was so ridiculous. Always talking, yet really listening. It made Draper feel a flutter in the pit of her stomach she hadn’t felt since her first date with Nate.

4.Their favorite physical feature on each other?

Draper loves Deacon’s mouth. She says it’s because its the only thing she can focus on because he never shuts up.

Deacon will say he loves Draper’s ass. He actually likes her entire face. He’s been with her for every scar along her cheek. Each time her blue eyes fade after seeing something horrific. Every smile after saving a synth. But still doesn’t mind her ass.

5. How do they comfort each other when they are sad?

When Draper’s upset she tends to shut off from the world. She’s already so detached from her emotions that if she retreats entirely it’s like talking to a blank wall. Deacon needs to make her feel something again, even if it’s that sadness. He’ll take her on a mission he planned to go alone or even for noodles in Diamond City. Once he gets her talking, he’ll sit with her somewhere secluded where she can vent. It involves a lot of hand holding and hair stroking. Little safe platonic gestures.

Deacon reacts almost the same way to sadness, except he masks it with blasé instead of total apathy. He likes a more direct approach, so Draper will pull him aside and ask outright what he needs. Sometimes it’s to be left alone. Sometimes he just needs air. But almost always it’s a hug from her.

7. Favorite date activity?

You would think two spies would spend their date nights doing something simple like stargazing or sharing dinner next to the radio. However, Draper and Deacon are still thrill-seekers. Their dates are brawling in power armor while Cait places her bets. They put on puppet shows for the children of Sanctuary. Write fake tips that send Piper on a wild goose chase for a story. 

But secretly it’s Atom Cats poetry night. That was where Draper and Deacon first fell in love, and it’s a tradition to get up and read something ridiculous. The Atom Cats don’t entirely have the best taste, and eat up anything the partners throw at them.

8. What are their most prominent memories of each other?

Draper remembers her first mission with Deacon as an agent. He had taken off his wig and changed in to the roll of a simple farmer. When it was finished, Deacon also gave Draper the Deliverer, which is a gun she usually has strapped to her leg no matter what. Learning how multifacetedDeacon was from the start always stuck with her. He let her know she didn’t know him at all, which was in a way extremely telling of what was to come.

Deacon remembers the look Draper gave him after returning from the Institute. He knew she was faced with the dilemma of losing the love of her only son or damning an entire race to slavery. The way her eyes bat away tears, how she held desperate eye contact… Draper was looking to him for answers. It broke his heart.

[sinceileftyoublog]

Split Single Interview: The Grift Is On

Photo by Nathan Keay

BY JORDAN MAINZER

After five years, Jason Narducy’s got a lot to say. Amplificado (Inside Outside Records), the new third album from Split Single, his solo project with a rotating cast of musicians, was mostly written and recorded by June of 2019. Its themes of Trump-era urgent anger were only heightened by a global pandemic that exacerbated many of the issues that rose to the surface in an era of political turmoil. 

Since his second Split Single album, Metal Frames, came out, Narducy’s been nonstop touring and recording with Superchunk and Bob Mould, not to mention writing a musical, Verböten, named after and about his childhood punk rock band. Any free time’s been spent on canvassing for Democratic state legislature candidates, Narducy feeling like he needed to stay politically involved and motivated. There’s no more perfect soundtrack to his exhausted mind than Amplificado’s opener, titled and stylized “caPtAIN calamity’S crUde pRoCessiON”. The off-kilter, minute-long instrumental is less purposeful avant-garde experimentalism than 6th grade marching band practice with weird ringtones going off, as percussionist Dan Leu’s tempos change nonsensically and Narducy introduces tack piano and sound effects of cash registers. The song’s got a lot of hidden meaning, as Narducy would explain to me in a phone interview in early May, but from the surface, it’s most significant as a way to let the listener know that the rest of the record--for the most part quintessential Split Single power rock--was born from this place of confused chaos. 

Indeed, besides the opener and the honest, stark “Adrift”, Amplificado is big and burning. “Blood Break Ground” is a song about breaking out from oppression. “Condescension comes with a price / Tear away all lingering ties,” Narducy belts, with drummer Jon Wurster providing propulsive blasts and the other main bandmate here, none other than R.E.M.’s Mike Mills, on bass and backing vocals. “Stone Heart World” calls out GOP hypocrisy, self-described “pro-life” politicians who speak about “barefoot children holding on to desperate mothers” as “others” and “animals.” Lead single “(Nothing You Can Do) To End This Love” is just as pressing, but positive, a message of support for the LGBTQ+ community.

As much as Amplificado deals with serious issues, from the pandemic-addled depression and isolation-themed “Worry” to songs like “Blood Break Ground”--the guy behind “The Sexiest Elbows in Rock Music” hasn’t lost his sense of humor or storytelling. Narducy writes about a formative childhood experience with a music teacher on “Bitten by the Sound”, a character in dire straits on “Belly of Lead”, and a ditty about aging inspired by being yelled at by his dentist on “Mangled Tusk”. And maybe the funniest thing about the album is its bio, written by comedian Jon Glaser. (“It has always been a dream of mine to write a bio for the third album of a somewhat known indie band,” Glaser writes, as he then goes on to describe his lunch, nightmares, and video game playing that preceded him writing the actual few-sentence bio for the record.) If you’ve ever seen Narducy play, whether on one of his many lawn shows he did last summer through SPACE in Evanston or opening for Guided By Voices, you know he, too, is both earnest and genuinely hilarious.

Read my interview with Narducy about Amplificado below, edited for length and clarity. He’s got a sold out record release show tomorrow night at 7 PM at Sketchbook Brewing Co. in Skokie!

Since I Left You: When you were writing the lyrics to these songs, did they come instantly or were they workshopped? They feel very emotional and direct.

Jason Narducy: Sometimes they took a while. The song “Mangled Tusk”, the demo was called “Jangle Tusk” because the guitar part felt like jangle pop to me. It was just a working title. The drum beat on the demo, which we didn’t end up using on the record, was kind of like Fleetwood Mac’s Tusk. It reminded me what song it was, instead of calling it “Song Number 32″ or whatever. I was recording vocals, and “Jangle Tusk” was last, and the recording engineer at Electrical Audio, Taylor Hales, asked, “When do we get to work on ‘Jangle Tusk’?” And I responded, “I don’t know, I’m still working on lyrics on that one...you’ve never even heard it, why are you so excited to work on that one?” He said, “I love the title!” And I thought, “I’ll put some thought into that, but those two words aren’t conjuring that much imagery for me.” I really like the word “mangled,” and I had just gone through this ordeal with my teeth and having to wear a nightguard. [laughs] So I started writing lyrics about gnawing and the enamel chipping away. It’s a song about aging, in a way, but I got that stern talking-to from my dentist: “We made you a nightguard years ago and you didn’t wear it, we made you one four years ago and you didn’t wear it, we’ll make you another one and you have to wear this.” I said, “That’s all I have to hear! I’ll wear it every night.” Those lyrics just came based on an odd encouragement from the engineer that liked one other word. 

The process of writing is so strange. With “(Nothing You Can Do) To End This Love”, the lyrics came so fast, and I was just done. I might have written the bridge this year, but the verses and choruses are the heart of the song. There’s a song we recorded called “3/4″--again, a working title based on the time signature--but we couldn’t get lyrics to it, so it’s sitting on the curb, lonely, without words attached to it. Lyrics are last for me every time. “Belly of Lead”, I was recording the demo in my friend Grant [Sutton]’s house, Clampdown Studio. I didn’t have lyrics to the song, so I picked up a lyric book of Lead Belly’s songs, and I was reading random words off every page so I’d have something documented on the demo. From that, I came up with the word “Belly of Lead” and wrote a story based on someone who made poor decisions in their life, coming to the end, trying to write a letter to his son and others, saying goodbye.

SILY: Was this your first time working with Mike Mills?

JN: I had opened up a show for his group The Baseball Project. I met him a number of times, the first time at the 40 Watt Club in Athens in 2006, when Jon and I were playing with Robert Pollard from Guided By Voices. Mike Mills was at that show, and Jon knew him--Jon actually recorded with R.E.M. on one of their Christmas singles. But he introduced me back in ‘06, and throughout the years, we’d run into each other at shows, or Scott McCaughey would be coming through. Just a lot of mutual friends. We always got along great. I didn’t expect him to say yes when I asked him to record. I felt like it was a longshot. I’m really grateful. I like him as a person and am a huge fan of his work with R.E.M.

SILY: What are some of the Easter eggs in the opening track’s title and aesthetic?

JN: There are a lot of layers, for it being a 1-minute instrumental. This [album] is my re-entry into doing Split Single work, since the last one came out in 2016. I write pretty consistently, so there were some songs I had the ideas down for already. But because I was so frustrated with the direction our country was going in, I kept putting down the guitar and thinking, “I can’t do this right now, I need to get out and do something.” I became very involved in this group called Sister District [Project], and I was doing postcard parties where I’d gather friends and others from the community and started working on state senate races across the country. It was very rewarding work. It provided some camaraderie with others who were wondering what the hell we could do. It also had an impact. I canvassed with a state senate candidate in Michigan, I wrote postcards for state senate races all across the country. Thankfully--and I think this has to do with the technological vetting Sister District does--all the candidates we worked for won. That was rewarding. It felt like I had an impact. I was also working on a musical about my very first band Verböten, and that took up a lot of time. Between Verböten and activism, my focus wasn’t on making another Split Single record. Plus Superchunk and Bob Mould were very busy making and touring records.

Back to the song: I wondered if there was a short audible message that I could make that was a little bit of a set up song. “Blood Break Ground” is such a gut punch, so how could I set this up after four and a half years? The sound of that marching band is sort of what I was feeling and hearing during those years. “That’s not supposed to be there: Why is there a tack piano in the marching band? This tempo isn’t right. Why is it slowing down now?” I put in an old cash register sound, so [it’s like] the grift is on. This is all about making money. If you look at the title, if you look at the letters in the title that are capitalized, it spells “PAIN IS UR CON”.

SILY: Sequencing-wise, you have “Adrift” as the emotional and personal centerpiece. It’s not outwardly political like the other songs. It’s also very downtempo. Did you consciously try to mix the album up in terms of tempo, aesthetic, and subject matter?

JN: There’s a defiance in the first three songs [after the opener]. I thought “Adrift” was a really strong song that kind of sounds like an album closer, but I didn’t want to put it last because I felt like it was too important. It was very difficult to figure out what would come after it, since it was so different. “Bitten by the Sound” has that long intro that builds up, so I thought it was a good transition. You can hear thematically how “Belly of Lead” is a completely different, not personal story, and [the album] closes with “Worry” and “Satellite”, which are very personal. Overall, the up-tempo songs are the ones I’m excited to play live. Besides “Adrift”, you could play all of them that way.

SILY: On “Belly of Lead”, you sing, “My word will make no difference.” Your experience with Sister District Project was the antithesis of that sentiment, but was that line in any way referential to anxiety you had about speaking out?

JN: No, that was just the character [in the song]…in “95 Percent”, though, I addressed something I felt and that a lot of liberal-minded Americans feel, which is we’re very clear that we’re not 100% behind the ones we support. There are things I disagree with Barack Obama about. We’re not a part of a cult. I support equality and equity and true justice, not law and order justice, as the other side claims.

SILY: On “Bitten by the Sound”, you sing, “Sat in a classroom led by an old nun / Sister thought she knew all about rock n roll / But instant karma got the best of her / When she lied about holding Lennon’s hands in her own.” What’s the story behind that line?

JN: I had a music teacher that was a nun in 6th grade. She had a story about meeting John Lennon and holding his hands in hers and giving him advice. Even [as a] 6th grader, [I] looked around and thought, “She’s full of shit.” Now that I’m older, I think if you’re gonna want to impress people and make up some bullshit, why pick a famous person who just died who can’t back up the story? It was part of my childhood that affected my relationship with authority and trusting adults. Music was everything to me, so don’t fuck with that! Don’t make up a John Lennon story. In the song, I talk about that. I was 9 or 10 years old, and my mom lived on the South Side of Chicago, 53rd and Woodlawn, and we woke up one morning and looked out the window, and her car was sitting on brick. All 4 tires were stolen. I just didn’t even know that was a thing. Those are formidable years. You discover music and find solace and peace. Everything feels good with music when everything around you is shaken and uncertain.

SILY: I don’t know whether it’s the mixture of the Christianity and the rock history references, but I heard the line and could hear Craig Finn singing it.

JN: That’s funny. I should mention that I was not at a Catholic school, which is why it’s weird a nun was teaching a music class. That song not so much [musically]. I think the song “95 Percent” definitely has some Hold Steady in it. There’s something about The Hold Steady that’s unabashed, “We’re gonna play rock and roll.” It’s a cool thing. “Yeah, I’m gonna take a guitar solo here.” It’s not too-cool-for-school indie rock. “95 Percent” was influenced by Mac [McCaughan] from Superchunk, a little bit of Springsteen, a little Hold Steady. Just need to add a girl’s name, and it would be very Hold Steady.

SILY: Were there any other prominent or newfound influences on this record?

JN: “Adrift” is so different for me. I learned this from Bob Mould: He writes way more songs than the record needs. You never know. A number of times, he’ll have a song that he thinks should be a B-side, and I’ll raise my hand and say, “I think that should be on the record.” “Fire in the City” is an example of that. I was like, “This song is too good.” It ended up on Beauty & Ruin. We don’t always end up using it, but it’s a good influence. I went into this record and thought, “I have extra time--it can’t hurt to keep going.” I ended up going back to a power pop song that I don’t even know had a title. There was one part of it I really liked. I picked up an acoustic guitar and didn’t even have a pick near me. I strummed the chords with my thumb very quietly and slowly and “Adrift” just fell out. Words and everything, just super fast. I had never recorded a song that vulnerable, that personal, that dark. I don’t think I’ve recorded a song without a guitar pick either. You can hear my stomach growl at some point. 

It just so happened I got a text from Alison Chesley who was in Verbow with me, and I asked, “Can I send you a song? Can you put some cellos on here?” She came back with this beautiful arrangement and even a piano part. I think it really elevated it and made it a much more engaging song. That’s the first time Alison and I had recorded in 22 years.

SILY: I thought maybe the experience of looking back with Verböten inspired you to reach out to her. It’s funny that it was just a random text from her that started it.

JN: I think the musical influenced this record in two ways. Not that one. I wrote so many punk rock songs for Verböten, that it reminded me that I like it when I write up-tempo songs. I definitely pushed more high energy songs for the record. [And the other is] “Blood Break Ground” happened because I had to do so much revisiting of emotions from my childhood [for Verböten] that there were other parts of my childhood that I hadn’t addressed yet.

SILY: How did the album’s bio come about? Did you want Jon Glaser to write a legitimate bio, and he came back with something absurd instead?

JN: I mean, he’s a comedian. I know it’s the job of the publicist and the journalist to have as much information presented as possible, but I also think there’s value in not taking it too seriously.

SILY: What’s the inspiration behind the record title?

JN: The trauma of the Trump years combined with the incredible trauma of the pandemic, which will take a very long time for many of us to recover from. I feel like everything’s amplified. I thought about calling the record Amplified but found that there were a lot of other albums called that, and it was also a pretty basic word. So I thought, “What’s a little twist we can put on that?” A friend of mine, Alberto, is fluent in Spanish, so I asked him for the proper version of that word for this situation.

SILY: What about the cover art?

JN: That’s a Chicago artist named Yvonne Doll. I follow her on Instagram and have been friends with her for years. She’s a musician and a painter. That particular piece came up, and I couldn’t stop looking at it, so I asked whether we could use it for the artwork. Thankfully, she was cool with that. When I presented that and some other photos, the designer, [Chris Tillman], ran with that red theme.

SILY: How was the experience of playing lawn shows during the pandemic?

JN: It was incredible. I was so thankful to Jake [Samuels, Managing Partner and Talent Buyer] and SPACE for coming up with the concept and thankful that people were enthusiastic about doing them. I did about 53 of them last year. It sort of emotionally and financially saved me. I loved how creative it was. I could tell you so many crazy stories about different situations like planning for a rainstorm to come, a small crowd, a huge crowd where the cops showed up. It was great. I’m excited to do more of those. 

On Saturday, I played at Thalia Hall to a private show of 20 people. It was honestly euphoric. It was the first rock club show I had done since January 3, 2020 with Superchunk at the Cat’s Cradle in Carrboro. So many things that I hadn’t thought about, like setting up on a stage and the camaraderie with the crew and talking about different lighting setups and sound options, walking to the dressing room. It was incredible. It felt so good. Even for 20 people. And they were there to party. They weren’t just sitting down drinking wine. They were standing up, dancing, leaning up on the stage and screaming. It’s gonna take time, and it needs to be safe, but certainly with the outdoor shows, there are a lot of options being explored, and hopefully by the fall, there will be many more people vaccinated.

SILY: The album’s really up-tempo, as you’ve said. Have you thought about adapting these songs to a solo style of play?

JN: I think any of the songs besides the marching band one I could do live.

SILY: Anything you’ve been listening to, watching, or reading that’s caught your attention?

JN: Oh my god, there are so many new bands I’ve been listening to. New Pagans. There’s this band called Kestrels. It’s very 90′s, like if Built to Spill or Dinosaur Jr. had a baby. CONTROL TOP. I like the new Real Estate record. Sinai Vessel. I love that English band Shame. I think their new record’s really cool. Miss Grit. I get really inspired by newer artists. It’s something I spend a lot of time with.

[madcapmoon]

Ten questions for Guy Picciotto

This is an interview I conducted with Guy Picciotto of Fugazi, Rites of Spring and One Last Wish fame back in 2006. I was working in the Italian town of Pescasseroli in Abruzzo at the time and Italy had just won the World Cup. Fugazi had been on hiatus for four years at that point and unfortunately over five years after this interview took place it looks as if they may never reform. My friends Anthony and Eugene kindly published this interview in the 10th anniversary issue of their legendary fanzine Loserdom so many thanks to them as always for allowing me to publish various interviews and musings over the years. 

1. It’s been four years since the last Fugazi concert and  each member of the band seems to have worked or be  working on other musical projects: Ian Mackaye is playing in the  Evens, Brendan Canty has been touring with Bob Mould and Joe Lally is playing solo concerts. You played a concert with the group International Silence in 2003 and I read somewhere a few years back that you had been working on music with Eddie Janney. What musical projects are you working on at the moment? Even though Fugazi itself hasn’t played a show or recorded anything new in a dog’s age, the business of keeping Fugazi’s affairs together remains. It’s kind of like tending to a monument – the landscaping needs to be kept up and the plaques shiny – so, since we are self-managed, that work continues for all of us. Lately, we’ve worked on remastering most of our old records and we’ve also added 10 more shows to our live archive project (at www.fugaziliveseries.com).

Beyond that, I have been doing alot of production work for various bands. The latest project was a record for the Blood Brothers which I co-produced with John Goodmanson out in Seattle over the last 2 months. It comes out in October I think, and it’s a fucking killer bunch of songs.

I have also been doing some music writing on my own. I did perform a few new songs in Belgium at a film/music festival curated by my friend Jem Cohen late last year – that was the first time I’d sung into a microphone live since Fugazi last played in 2002. It felt good so I want to try and get my shit together and do it some more.

Like you mentioned, I have also played some improvisational shows as a member of International Silence over the last couple of years, ( International Silence is a rotating cooperative of improvisational musicians put together by Mats Gustaffson). For the last 3 years I have also been writing with Eddie Janney, my old bandmate from Rites of Spring, and we’ve amassed tons of material but I’m not sure what will happen with it. It’s not a conventionally ambitious situation but it’s really interesting music and maybe it will coalesce into something more public at some point. But for now, I’m from the Orson Welles school of “no wine before its time”.

2. You have directed two short Super 8 films and I read you had plans to make a third short film on 16mm. Did you ever get around to making it?

Nope. I did work a bit in some capacity on the last Jem Cohen movie “Chain” – I’m listed as one of the producers but really I was more like a sounding board for Jem during the conception, filming and editing. I love film and I hope to do more of it but the Super 8’s I made were strictly goofs – an opportunity to fuck around with friends and try to learn about the process.

3. Are these films available anywhere on the internet?

Not that I know of. Honestly, they aren’t any great shakes. I do however encourage people to see “Chain”. It should be out on DVD soon and it’s really worth checking out. It’s kind of a portrait of the global landscape as it reaches a crisis level of homogeneity as filtered through the experience of 2 women, a homeless American and a Japanese businesswoman working for a theme park corporation.

4. Parts of Fugazi’s recording session with Steve Albini have recently surfaced unmixed on the internet, will those recordings ever be remixed and officially released by the band?

I don’t know. It’s possible that someday they will though it’s been a long time since I heard them and I’m not sure what context we could put them out under. Its kind of a drag that they got leaked onto the internet – if only because I think of them as being incomplete and not a fair representation of what they could be. I mean I’m not huffing and puffing with rage over the leak – but still, I don’t like sneakiness. For the record: We had a blast working with Steve and he remains one of the smartest and funniest people I’ve ever met in my life as well as a masterful recording technician. That session was the beginning point of a longer acquaintance and its been great getting to know the guy, play dice with him and play shows with his band.

The session we did was an experiment for us to try recording outside of our Inner Ear Studio homebase in DC and the original intention was just to go up and fuck around with the latest bunch of songs we were working on. We weren’t in the mind-set of “we’re making an album” it was more like ” let’s go see what happens”- we ended up having a great time but we didn’t really play all that well (or rather sing that well to be specific) so we decided to re-track it once we had the songs down better – and that became IN ON THE KILLTAKER.

5. With Fugazi you played concerts all over the world and got to see many cities and countries, have you ever thought about moving away from Washington DC to  one of the countries or cities you have visited? If so which ones and why?

I’ve definitely thought of living in other places besides DC and being someplace outside the USA, particularly of late when the political environment is so soul-crushingly depressing. I do love DC and having been born and raised here I can see never leaving but I definitely wouldn’t be weeping hot tears if I was told I had to move to either Brazil or Italy. Both countries have amazing spirit, amazing food, amazing people, amazing culture and I’ve felt really at home in both.

I also love Paris and I speak decent French so that would be another one I could definitely handle. Can’t say much bad about Melbourne, Australia either. Or Sydney for that matter. Gotta love Edinburgh, Scotland too. Basically, I think I would be easy to please in the geography department.

6. You have worked with various bands as a producer, what are your criteria for working with a band?

I don’t really consider myself a professional producer, but I also never have considered myself a professional musician. It’s just something I fell into out of my love of music and through relationships made through music. I first started recording other bands out of my old group house which was called Pirate House. Fugazi had set up a small 8 track analog studio in the basement so I just started recording my friends there and taught myself the ultra-low level basics of engineering. I did records for the Make Up, Metamatics, Crainium, Blonde Redhead, Slant 6 and others there. It was really low key and the focus was on doing things cheap and fast, before the neighbors could get too irritated. I was also learning some of the ropes just by working on the Fugazi records with the rest of the band.

Over time other bands asked me to do things in other studios in other parts of the country and when I had some time apart from Fugazi stuff I tried to do it. Mostly, I worked with friends like Blonde Redhead or Casual Dots -people I’ve known for a long time but I’ve also more recently done stuff with bands where I didn’t initially know them that well personally but was more just a fan of what they were doing like the Gossip or the Blood Brothers. At minimum, though, I like to have seen a band live and met them – just so I can get the sense of whether or not it will work. I don’t have that much time to devote to production stuff so when I do it, I really try to make sure its a good fit and that both the band and I will have a good experience working together.

7. In an interview a member of Blonde Redhead said that when you are producing their records you become in their opinion a non-playing member of the band. Is that a fair assessment of how you work with all bands that you produce or just specifically Blonde Redhead?

Production for me is really kind of a promiscuous activity – its total bed hopping –  getting to intensely collaborate with all these different groups for short periods of time – insinuating yourself deeply into the decision making process then moving on once the record is done. You get alot of creative bang without all the dirty hard practical work that goes into keeping a band functioning over the long haul.

And for me, being in the studio with another group is alot like being a non-playing member of the band – I do get very invested in what goes on. Alot of that comes from the fact that I like the music I work on. I come in as a fan of the bands I work with so it’s not just a technical task for me – I really want the record to be as good as it fucking should be cos the band is already fucking great in my mind. It can be a bruising experience because, as anyone in a band will tell you, its not easy to make good records, to take what’s in your head and translate it whole to tape (or hard drive or whatever).

When a band is actually satisfied with the finished product, it’s a great feeling because with every record you are trying to marshal a ton of crazy ass variables and have them line up into something killer which is really nuts. A good session usually happens if the band feels comfortable enough to let cool stuff happen, to get over the self-consciousness and the anxiety that can come with the process and just let spontaneous cool shit go down. I’ve been really lucky to work with some great engineers and co-producers because, straight up, my technical knowledge lags light years behind theirs = people like Don Zientara, John Goodmanson, and Ryan Hadlock.

8. While Fugazi have released many records and toured extensively Rites of Spring was a short lived band that released just one LP and an EP but is regularly listed or referenced as one of the most influential alternative groups of the last twenty years. Are you ever surprised by the enduring influence of the bands work?

I am pretty stunned considering I think we only played 14 shows and only 2 of those were outside DC. I often wish that Rites of Spring had gotten our shit together and actually toured a bit but it’s kind of a pipe dream considering how volatile the band was. It made for a great energy within the band and on stage but we didn’t have anything close to resembling the kind of discipline it would have taken for us to actually play a series of shows back to back. For one thing, every single show resulted in destroyed equipment so we were always scrambling to get some gear together for our next show.

Also, we were very young and at that age (17-19) your mental landscape is changing every minute – it’s hard to stick to one vision and be satisfied. Just a couple of years later the exact same line-up was re-united as Happy Go Licky and the sound was totally different. We were just pushing all the time so it was hard for us to stay situated in one spot. I do like the first album alot just because we did it in 2 days and it sounds feral, like a time capsule of being young and jacked up out of our minds. And I loved being in a band with all four of those guys. At the time I was pretty wrecked when we couldn’t keep it together. That people still listen to those songs honestly suprises me in a good way and makes me very happy.

9. Musically the Rites of Spring LP is different from any other record made in 1984. It seems deeply personal, innovative and completely uncontrived, for me it’s the musical equivalent of Vigo’s l’Atalante! What music, films and bands influenced that record?

L’Atalante !!! You are completely insane. Let me think – we were really into all kinds of shit. At the time it was like The Saints, The Adverts, Rudimentary Peni, Venom, Blitz, the Zombies, Discharge, the Buzzcocks, Wire, the Wipers ( who Brendan met on the West Coast visiting his sister), the Birthday Party, Black Flag, Bad Brains, Void, the Faith… alot of stuff. The Stravinsky connection was intentional too – we wanted to bust up the genres like that.

But the main thing about the band was our hang – we hung out all the time driving around town in my Chevette Scooter, practicing in our parent’s houses, working the same jobs. We were really close friends so it was almost like we could give a shit if anyone else thought what we were doing was cool or not. We just wanted it to be fresh to us.

10. Finally, I think everyone has a guilty pleasure, e.g. a television show or a band which they know they shouldn’t like, mine is watching football (the English kind), what is yours if any?

I save my guilt for the truly terrible things I’ve done in my life so I take my pleasures freely where I can. I feel no shame for watching the Wizards (DC’s basketball team) religiously. The World Cup was pretty good too this year. I never liked sports when I was younger but now I love them – I hate contingency and time so sports is a deeply masochistic pleasure.

[rileejacksonvisuals]

That’s a Wrap!  On the Road with FELICITY

I don’t even know where to start and I mean that in the best way. A little over a year ago (June 2016) I was introduced to my final project for school. A final project that I had to build up from scratch over the course of a year. Paperwork (so. much. paperwork.), sleep deprivation, and staring at editing programs for 8-10 hours at a time was basically what my life consisted of this past year. Add in my internship, dealing with the worst of my depression, and working part-time and you got it.

From the very beginning I was passionate about this project. I was nervous and anxious, but mostly excited. Out of all the styles of videos we could do, I chose to do a Music Promotional. During the very first lecture on this project, FELICITY came straight to mind. Earlier that week I remember seeing them on Facebook and we interacted in some way so I checked them out and liked their band page. The same night of the lecture, I went home and contacted them via their band page. Within an hour if not less, they got back to me and were all on board. The following week I went over to the band house and gave them the very, very, rough outline of the project. To be honest, I didn’t know what to expect either so I winged it as best I could. The guys were super nice and presented a totally “go with the flow, tell us what you need from us and what we need to do” kind of vibe (which honestly, I could not have gotten more lucky on that front).

After I met with them, the first thing I had to do was submit a proposal. The proposal consisted of the kind of video and its duration, the client, the locations, the idea of what the video would convey, and how the video would be distributed. I had to make that proposal and a back-up proposal because, well, shit happens. Both of these proposals had to be approved by my program’s Board of Directors.

Proposal 1 

Fast forward to August and I’m shooting my very first show. FELICITY was playing at The Social; a popular hole-in-the-wall venue in downtown Orlando. For the most part, everything went smoothly. Luckily my sister Holly was visiting me so she was able to be there for me for support in case I freaked out. It was my first show so I just went with the flow and tried my best. It was such a comfortable, happy feeling and a major adrenaline rush! After that night, everything was pretty steady and consistent when it came to working with them. I shot every show they played thereafter and I have never felt happier while doing anything else.

Jump to January of 2017. This was the month where I had to write out an Audio Video Script which again, had to be approved by the Board. Audio Visual scripts are a little different than screenplays. They require scene and shot numbers, dialogue, color coding (for objects, actions, props, locations, etc), and the music/voiceovers that will be used in the video and at what time in the video they would be present. Basically, this was the outline of my video.

Lined Script 

This month had the first actual “shooting day”. It was the interview portion of the video. I had to create lighting diagrams, storyboards (minimum of 30 with a minimum amount of certain shot types), and interview questions. Besides getting establishing shots, this was the only time I really had to plan word for word, visual for visual because it was something I had control over. I had no control of the shows, their lighting, their venue, etcetera. That is probably what I’ve learned that I love most. Although it can be a major pain during post-production, you’re forced to go with what you have and make best of what is presented to you while shooting a concert. Every show is different so it’s always exciting and a challenge which I really enjoy!

The next few months were pretty smooth. I kept shooting their shows and stock piling footage. June is when I was probably the most stressed I’ve ever been while creating this project. First off, this was the first of two classes I had that was strictly about my project (in other words, I learned everything I needed to and it was time to focus on the project only). This month was nothing but paperwork. When I say paperwork I mean more than 100 sheets of paper, easy. I had to do location scoutings/maps, location permits and releases, talent releases, crew member deals, liability contracts (for myself and the school), safety plans, copyright documents for any audio and footage that was being used, casting calls, call sheets, scene breakdowns, shot breakdowns, budgeting sheets, and shooting schedules. I know you probably got lost about halfway into that sentence. Yeah, it was incredibly difficult and stressful simply because of the amount of time I had to do it (3 weeks) and how many people I had to get in contact with. Oh and not to mention, if you didn’t have all necessary contracts, you had to retake the classes the following month. I’m pretty sure I cried about three times during that month out of frustration, worry, and sleep deprivation.

Shot Breakdown Sheet

During July things kept rolling, but the paperwork portion was finished! This was the production month of the project. So it consisted of more shooting and submitting 3-4 minute videos, aka dailies, of footage each week that was going to be used in the final edit. I was pretty nervous about this month mainly because this was the month right before the guy’s began their tour so I didn’t have any recent footage to submit. From what I submitted, my teacher for that month didn’t think I had enough content to move on. I passed that class by the skin of my teeth.

Now, August- my favorite month by far! This month was all about the post-production stage. After getting home from work, I spent an average of 8 hours a day in front of my computer editing in Adobe Premiere. Those 8 hours quickly rolled into the early mornings till about 3am. My sleep schedule was terrible and barely even there, really. For this Post-Production class, I had to submit an edit each week. The first week an assembly edit was due. An assembly edit is the roughest kind of edit one can do. No music, no fancy editing or transitions. You literally place the clips in the order you think you want them in and you’re done. It looks awful. I got a 100 on it. The second week the rough edit was due. This edit is where you added in the music, trimmed the clips to your liking, and added the transitions in. The third edit was the final edit. All color grading and correction needed to be done and the title/introduction of the video needed to be added. Any effects you wanted to add were required as well. Finally, the fine cut was due aka, mother of all edits. Up to this point, everything visually should have been fixed and polished. This edit was where you focused on the audio levels between all dialogue and music. You focused on the audio effects and overall balance of the mix which needed to average around -6dB. I got a 100 on the last edit, too!

Fine Cut Edit 

I received my grade and tears came to my eyes. This project has been my baby for the past year and the fact that it’s all finished is very bittersweet. With that being said, I still had to show the guys. A year of shooting and I never showed any of the guys of FELICITY any part of any edits. I wanted it to be a surprised and to be the best it could be! So I went over to the band house during rehearsal and we all watched it together. It was such a great moment. I was smiling the whole time with butterflies in my stomach, slightly nervous because I didn’t know what they would say. Thankfully, they loved it and wanted to watch it over again!

I’ve already had my sappy moment with the guys, but I will never be able to repay them or thank them enough. They did this to me as a favor. I had nothing to give them except a finished product. I was a stranger to them and they let me in with open arms. Without a doubt, they are five of the sweetest, respectful, funniest, easy-going, most talented guys I’ve ever met. I’ve gained a friendship with each of them and will forever cherish this project and them for helping me get started on the path of my career. This past year has been one of the best. I’ve made some great memories, experienced so much, met and worked with awesome people, learned a lot about myself as a videographer and photographer, and have become confident in my work. I’m doing exactly what I’ve wanted to do, exactly what I’m passionate about and it all started with them.

With that being said, they’ve decided they still want me around! I’m going to continue working with them for the rest of this tour and beyond (...or at least until they get tired of me). I am still working at my internship and plan to stay in Orlando once I graduate on September 29th. And if things keep going how they are, I’ll have a big announcement to make soon!

Again, this is such a bittersweet time in my life and I’ve loved every minute of it.  Thank you to my mom and sisters for the continuous support and for watching every edit of this project even when the slightest of changes were made. Thank you to my friends who have understood my passion for what I do and have stuck around even when I can’t see them as often as I’d like to. And thank you to Andrew, Damien, Mike, Tyler, and Cory for trusting me to portray your music and brand to your fans and for just being you. I am grateful for you all. 

-R