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megwritesriddles · 1 month ago

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Sweeter Than Fiction ༊*·˚

18+ MDNI !!!

Pairing: Spencer Reid x F! Reader / You

Summary: Kinktober 2024 Day 7 - Queening / Face-sitting. Spencer meets Reader when she starts working at his local library and he's quickly in over his head. After he goes snooping for information on her online, he finds out a dirty little secret, she writes fanfiction.

Tags: Face-sitting, Oral sex (f receiving), Fantasies, Masturbation, Pining, Friends to lovers, Love confessions, Sub!Spencer, Autistic!Spencer (implied ig?), Both Spencer and Reader are NERDS, Set somewhere between seasons 1-3.

Word count: 4.6k

Read it on ao3! | Masterlist

Authors note: Surprise!! I changed a couple things on my kinktober due to lack of inspiration so here's an unexpected extra Spencer fic!! This is soooo long and the plot is so self-indulgent and ughhh but he eats you out so...!! Hope you like it anyway mwah ( ◕◡◕)っ ♡

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Spencer had never felt like this before, he hadn’t really had the chance to. Crushes had never really been his thing, having been significantly younger than his peers all throughout his education and being staunchly focused on his career ever since. He had physical attractions here and there, like an occasional reminder that he really was just a fallible human man as much as anyone else, but never any true feelings, nothing he ever wanted to try to pursue in a serious way. It wasn’t simple for him like it was for someone like Morgan, in many senses of the word. Not only was he just not socially skilled enough to pursue relationships, whether casual or otherwise, with any success, he also had a large set of difficulties that he would carry into any relationship. He was quite touch averse, not that he didn’t desperately crave it all the same, which could easily cause issues in any physical relationship. He also had a lot of emotional baggage, from his mother, from his job, from his bullying. He felt a mess emotionally and didn’t see the point in trying to bring in another person to see the mess in all its glory. So he kept to himself. He wasn’t completely without experience, but every experience he’d had was marred with difficulty and complication, none of it ever lasted. He was reasonably content to keep to himself.

Until he met you. He’d been visiting the library nearest his apartment since he moved to D.C. for work. One day he walked in and you were sitting behind the desk, all bright-eyed and excited. The attraction to you had been immediate, he’d found you to be beautiful, he liked the way you dressed, and he liked your sweet voice as you spoke to the customer in front of you. He thought it would end there, that he would silently find you attractive from afar but remained more focused on other things. Cursed to stammer nervously at you whenever you scanned his books, but never say more than necessary. For a long time, that’s all it was, until he was taking out a book that, unbeknownst to him, was a big favourite of yours.

“Oh my goodness, my favourite” you chuckle as you pick up the book from his pile. “This book is amazing, you’ll love it, I’m sure,” you smile brightly as you scan it onto his card. His fingers twitch where he rests them on the edge of the wooden counter. He hadn’t been prepared to talk to you, but it’s nicer than most things that catch him unprepared.

“Y-yeah? Uh… great,” he swallows, drumming his fingers on the counter as you scan the rest of his books, mostly textbooks.

“Well, if you have any taste that is,” you tease. He laughs back stiffly, his mouth feeling dry.

“I uh… like to think I do…” he smiles awkwardly.

“You’ll have to tell me what you thought of it,” you hand him the books and his brain blanks for a moment. You’re inviting him to speak to you some other time, to have an actual conversation. He moves jerkily, taking the books from you and packing them into his satchel. You smile kindly and wave to him as he leaves. “See you soon,”

The way his mind is spinning from that simple conversation, he knows that this is something different. He collapses onto a bench outside the library, taking a deep breath. Why is his heart racing? Is this what butterflies feel like? He rubs a hand through his hair, messing it up. When the anxiety fades away, he’s left with a warm feeling in his chest. You want to speak to him again. He flips open his satchel and pulls out the book you’d said was your favourite. It’s classic literature, something he’s been meaning to read for a long time now, but has somehow never gotten around to. He devours the book in mere minutes, thanks to his impressive reading speed. It’s an amazingly compelling tale, with feminist undertones that were ahead of their time and he feels he understands you just a little better by knowing you like this book. He packs it back into his satchel and stands, heading back into the library. The queue to your desk is a few people long, but he joins it anyway, fiddling with the strap of his bag. You don’t make much small talk with the people in front of him in the line, making it feel all the more special that you’d spoken to him. He reaches the front and you smile, but tilt your head in confusion.

“Forget something?”

“The book was great,” he blurts, and you look even more confused.

“What?”

“The book, the one you said was your favourite, it was phenomenal, and surprisingly progressive for its time! Having those sorts of sentiments about a woman's role in a marriage in the 18th century, while seeming slightly archaic by today's standards, must have caused quite a stir at the time, especially coming from a female author. British law in 1764 actually suggested that women–” he doesn’t realise he’s rambling until you cut him off.

“Hold on, you read it already?” you look disbelieving. He smiles sheepishly. “I only lent it to you, what?” you glance at the clock on your desktop screen. “15 minutes ago,”

“I can read very fast,” he mumbles, looking at the scuff on the toe of his shoe for a moment. You giggle.

“Yeah, clearly,” you study his face. He goes quiet, eyes flickering over the small decorations you had scattered across your desk as a means of personalising your space. “You were saying?” you prompted softly. He looked up at you in wonder, no one had ever requested he resumes an info dump, usually, he was told to shut up and looked weird, but you seemed to wait with genuine interest. Perhaps that was the moment that he was well and truly done for. He steps aside so that the person behind him in the line can get their books scanned. He talks at you for almost a whole hour, getting lost in tangent after tangent as you work. You occasionally pipe in to ask a question or make a comment, but you seem happy to listen. Suddenly, your already beautiful appearance becomes more like that of an angel or a goddess to him. He’s never wanted something so bad in his life. He leaves the library after you excuse yourself for your lunch break. Once he gets home, he sits down on his couch, smiling dopily. Then, it slowly dawns on him that he’d just stood there and rattled on about various topics that he had no clue if you even had any interest in. He buries his face in his hands and groans. Has he already ruined things with the first person he’s ever felt anything genuine for? It was bound to happen eventually, but this soon? He goes to bed miserable that night.

Fortunately, his misery had been for nothing. The next time he visits the library, you’re there, all smiles at him like usual. When he comes to return his previous book haul (yes, maybe he hasn’t used the returns box since you started working here, what of it?), you greet him, asking if he has any more facts for you. At first, he thinks you’re mocking him, but the genuine smile you give tells him otherwise. He scrambles through his mind for something interesting to tell you, feeling less than a genius at this moment. He settles to ask what your favourite animal is, then spends the next several minutes telling you all the nichest information about that animal he could think of. This time, you start to talk too, though instead of spewing facts, you’re telling him personal anecdotes, or about new books the library has got in. The next several times he comes in, you end up talking for long periods of time. You never interrupt him when he rambles and in return he allows you to ramble too, not bothered by the slightest if he has to listen to you for hours. He’d do it happily. Things escalate over time, and he realises the two of you have truly become friends. The thought excites him, as he is closer to the object of his affection, but also because he doesn’t have all that many friends outside of his work. With you, he has somebody to talk books with, and that means the world to him. You text daily, though they’re not particularly long conversations, just whenever something comes up that you think might interest the other. You’d originally given him your email address and he’d explained that he didn’t use email. He felt completely silly, but you’d just shrugged it off and given him your number. Despite that, he still keeps the piece of paper onto which you scrawled your email address, tacked up by his seldom used computer. Just in case.

The team at the BAU tease him relentlessly when they find out about the ‘sweet girl from the library’ that he texts everyday. Any hint of him interacting with a woman, they latch onto like rabid wolves, but when the texts from you keep popping up on his phone now and then for weeks, they absolutely won’t leave it alone. They all know he likes you, even if he’s been very careful to not reveal this fact and they tease him about it. He’s just glad you’re never there to hear it, as he might just die from the embarrassment. One week, while staying back from a case due to a mild cold, he sits in Garcia’s office and watches her work while he does his own. She had insisted he come keep her company, and he hadn’t quite dared to tell her no. He’s scribbling down some notes about the latest crime scene photos they’ve been sent through when Garcia receives a call. It’s Morgan, asking her to run a check on an email address that may potentially belong to an unsub, to see what kind of accounts can be linked to it, and if there’s anything untoward and potentially warrant-worthy. He watches over her shoulder as she types the email address into a program, which spits back out several accounts all over the internet. He rolls his chair over, watching curiously.

“How do you do that? Is it for FBI stuff only?” he asks nervously, twirling a pen around in his fingers. Garcia laughs and glances over her shoulder.

“No, you can find programs to do this in various places online,” she answers, highlighting accounts of potential interest. He nods, still watching over her shoulder, working his lip between his teeth. He tries to convince himself that he’s not going to do it, even as he asks Garcia to write him down one of these websites. She gives him a knowing look but obliges. He keeps telling himself he won’t do it, and that it’s creepy as he gets the train home, but as soon as he’s in his apartment, he heads for his computer and boots it up. He searches up the site that Garcia recommended and tells himself one last time that he isn’t going to do it, before copying your email address into the search field and hitting enter. He waits as the website loads the results, glancing at the door to his apartment as if you’re going to burst in and tell him off. Oh, how he wishes you’d be in his apartment one day, or he at yours. He’s never really wanted to share a space before, but lately, everything he does he imagines what it would be like to have you there. Your arms around him as he cooks, your head on his lap as he watches TV, your body against his in the bed. The website finishes its search and he takes a deep breath, investigating the results. There are various common social media websites, accounts with academic journals (which he appreciates you for), and a couple of other sites he doesn’t recognise. He clicks on the first and furrows his brows. Fanfiction? He supposes that you are a voracious reader like he is, and you mentioned liking to write, but never admitting to what you wrote. This was it then, was it? Your secret writing? It wasn’t that secret, the account was registered in your name, all the works listed being for books and media that you talked about often. You had quite a decent following, at least in his eyes, you were no celebrity, but you had a decent collection of comments and likes.

He starts to read, beginning with your most popular piece. He digests it in moments, his cheeks burning bright. It was pure pornography. Well not purely, there was quite a well-woven storyline behind it, but the focus was undoubtedly the filthy sex scenes. He loosens his tie, feeling hot. He double and triple checks that this is definitely your account, but it clearly is. He’s feeling a little disbelieving, you had just always seemed so innocent to him, but he supposed the two of you had never discussed sex in any way. Spencer would have combusted if it had ever come up. He inhales the rest of your work, getting unreasonably hard in his slacks as he reads. He’s impressed by the skill of your writing, but more than anything, by how delicious your imagination is. It’s like you’ve plucked every fantasy he’s ever allowed himself to have out of his brain and written it up with beautiful flowery language. He doesn’t know half of the characters that you’ve written for, but it doesn’t matter to him, as he imagines the two of you in their places and it works perfectly. Almost like it was written with the two of you in mind. He discards that thought, but not before noticing that you’ve been writing a lot more in the past few months you’ve known each other. He notices how many of your stories centre around a more submissive male, a favourite trope of yours seeming to be having the female partner sit on their face. He imagines you sitting on his face and groans aloud, having to palm his bulge through his slacks. He imagines you’d be like the protagonists in your stories, dominating but kind. He reaches into his slacks to stroke himself, not something he does often, but something that has certainly been more frequent lately. His eyes skim a passage of one of your stories as he tugs at himself, picturing your face between the words. He cums harder than he thinks he ever has because this feels that much closer to the real thing. Once he’s done, he sits catching his breath, staring at the mess on his hand and stomach. He thinks he should feel ashamed, but he’s still aroused, terribly so. He wishes he could show you what you do to him. Before he can stop himself, his aroused brain much less intelligent than he usually is, he makes an account on the site with his name and leaves a comment on your most recent work.

“This was the hottest thing I’ve ever read,”

He sends it and sits back, wiping the rest of the residue off his stomach. As the haze of arousal lifts, he realises what he’s done. Panicking, he tries to delete the comment, but there’s no option to. He swallows, taking a deep breath. It’ll be okay, he tells himself, if she ever notices, I’ll pretend I was just being sarcastic, teasing her for writing this kind of thing, not genuinely rocked by it. However, his phone is already ringing. It’s you. You never call. You couldn’t have seen the comment already, could you? He seriously debates not answering, even as he’s desperate to hear your voice. Against his better judgment, he picks up the phone.

“Am I speaking to SpencerReid1981?” you chuckle over the phone, your voice teasing as you recite his username. His plans to pretend he was mocking you go out the window the second you talk. He can tell you have one over him by the confident tone in your voice. You’ve had one over him since the day you first met.

“Y-yeah,” he relents, seeing no way out of this now. What would the chances be of another Spencer Reid born in 1981 having commented on your fanfiction? If he wasn’t so nervous and lingeringly aroused, he could’ve told you. He decides to just be earnest. “You’re a really good writer,”

“How did you even find me on there?” you scoff, laughing gently. He blushes, glad you can’t see it.

“You don’t want to know,” he mumbles. There’s a moment of silence.

“So… you found it hot, huh? What part?” he chokes slightly on his spit, going bright red, you can probably tell, even through the phone.

“Don’t make me say it,” he squeaks. You hum softly on the other end.

“Oh come on… you started all this,” you coax. He’s silent for another beat, you hear his laboured breaths on the phone.

“The- when- when she uh… sat on his face,” he stutters out. You smirk.

“Really?” you stretch out the last syllable in a playful manner. “You a big giver then?” you say it to tease him, expecting him to sputter and deny it, to beg to change the subject, but he doesn’t.

“I– I would be for you,” you both go silent, you in shock and him in fear of your reaction. You’re dumbfounded that he would ever be so direct with you. It’s been clear to you for a while that he has a thing for you, you’ve caught his lingering looks on your lips or your thighs, the way you’re able to fluster him, but you’d assumed he’d dance around it forever. He’d just essentially admitted, leaving it hanging in the air.

“Come over,” you answer simply, hanging up the phone before he can ask questions or change his mind. Spencer feels completely dumbstruck by your words. Come over? His legs are carrying him to his door before he can think about it. He grabs his bag and his coat and hurries to his car. He’s never driven so fast in his life, he’s only been at your place once, to drop you off after your work, but the way there is memorised like the back of his hand anyway. He worries in the back of his mind that he may get a speeding ticket, but any fine is worth it for you. He’s sprinting up the stairs of your apartment building, his long frame moving nimbler than ever before. He reaches your apartment and knocks at the door.

You answer the door, dressed in some loungewear and he suddenly realises how real this all is. He stands there staring, unable to do anything else, even as you greet him and tell him to come in. You have to take his arm and pull him inside, your hand on his arm lighting him on fire. But he’s shy again, he needs you to take control of this because he has no clue what he’s doing here. He’s never done something like this before, and he's never been so reckless. Did he even lock the door when he left home? You look so beautiful that everything could be stolen from him and he wouldn’t bat a lash. He fidgets, looking anywhere but your eyes. You’re talking to him but he can’t figure out what you’re saying, his brain feeling like mush. He tries his best to pick out some words from the pleasing hum of your voice. You’re saying something about your bedroom. He connects the dots when you start to pull his arm.

“Wha- wait, what are we doing?” he asks, his voice shaking. You freeze, tilting your head.

“What do you mean what are we doing?”

“I mean– uh– I wasn’t really– are we…?” he stammers, his fingers fidgeting.

“Don’t you want this?” you frown, worrying you’d misread this somehow, even though he’d come rushing over here. He stares at you, eyebrow twitching. You move closer, gently smoothing your hand up his arm. He closes his eyes, losing himself in it.

“Yeah,” he breathes, even though he’s not entirely sure what he’s agreeing to. Whatever it is, if it’s preceded by you touching him like this, it must be good. He follows you like a puppy as you guide him to your bedroom. You place your hands on his chest and he whines, somewhere deep in his throat. The feeling is just so overwhelming in all the best ways. His eyes are wide staring down into yours as your fingers twist, gripping his sweater vest. You lean up, touching your lips to his and he’s whining again. He kisses back, his hands finding your hips, hovering. Your hands are raking through his hair.

“Lie on the bed for me,” you mumble between kisses. He shivers.

“Are you going to sit on my face?” he asks bluntly, needing to know if he’s getting what he’s been thinking about non-stop since earlier this evening, probably even before that. You chuckle at his candour, he’s always been like this and it’s endearing that he’s no different in this situation.

“That’s the idea,” you grin, tilting your head to the side to press closer as you kiss him. He shuffles toward the bed and you push him back to lie down, disconnecting your lips to pull his sweater vest off. He looks up at you pleadingly until you lean down to kiss him again. You straddle his stomach, his hands lie awkwardly at his sides. His breathing is erratic and his fingers fiddle nervously with the material of your sheets. “You okay?” you ask between slow wet kisses.

“Just nervous… I don’t– I can’t disappoint you and I– I don’t really have a lot of experience here,” he admits, his lips pressing needily against yours between words.

“It’ll be fine, I’ll take care of you,” you promise, he nods against you. Even he’s surprised by how much he trusts you. You pull back, watching as he stares up at you, his eyes practically black. He’s panting heavily. You pull your shirt over your head, feeling his hips buck under you as your breasts come into view. He’d always known every inch of you would be perfect for him, and he was right. He was a genius after all. You move just enough to shed your pyjama pants, taking your underwear with them. You stuff your panties into Spencer’s slack pocket with a wink. He takes a shaky breath.

“Thank you,” he exhales, eyes drinking you in. You giggle, shuffling up to straddle his chest. He swallows loudly, his mouth watering from the little glimpse he can get, craning his neck. “I’m so… glad we’re doing this,” he whispers. You chuckle again at his behaviour. You stroke his hair gently and his eyes flutter. He usually hated unexpected touch, but everything you did was blissful.

“Ready?” you ask softly. He nods, eyes fluttering back open, determined to get a glimpse of you that he can commit to memory.

You lift up and shuffle yourself over top of his face. He gasps like he’s just seen God. You, spread open above him, glistening with want. He grips tightly at the sheets, trying to keep himself grounded as the heady smell of you fills his nose. He leans up and places a gentle, experimental kiss on your folds, whining as he does so. You hum softly, leaning forward to brace yourself against the headboard. Puffs of breath wash over your core for a moment, before Spencer leans up, flattening his tongue and laving it against you, up and down, slow and steady. You can tell he’s still finding his way, so you let yourself enjoy the gentle pleasure. You sigh encouragingly as he gets acquainted with the area, exploring it with the tip of his tongue. Never in a million years would he have guessed that you tasted so good. Though he was new at this, he knew anatomy well and knew the spots he’d be looking for. His tongue finds what he assumes to be your clit and he gives it a soft kiss, feeling your hips gently buck. Success. He swirls his tongue carefully around it, not wanting to overwhelm you. Your sighs increase in volume. Spencer takes a chance, lifting his hands and wrapping them around your thighs, pulling you down so you’re more seated on his face. You gasp slightly and he smiles, eagerly returning to his work. His tongue laps at you hungrily, getting into a rhythm. He breathes through his nose, not wanting to stop what he’s doing for even a moment. The taste of you gets stronger and stronger against his tongue as you approach your peak steadily. He groans at the taste. Your hand snakes down into his hair, gripping his long locks to keep yourself anchored. You moan above him, your head lolled forward against the headboard. As he starts to focus his tongue more pointedly on your clit, flicking gently like he read to do in a book once, your hips rut slightly.

“Suck it,” you pant. He doesn’t register your words for a moment but when he does, he happily complies. His lips close around the little nub and he sucks carefully. Your hand tightens in his hair and you wail in pleasure. You grind yourself down onto his face as he suckles at you gently. You both know what’s coming and while Spencer is thrilled he could get you there, he almost doesn’t want it to end. It’s as if you read his mind. “Don’t stop,” you whine, your eyes squeezed shut, nails digging slightly into his scalp. He pulls you closer to his face, focusing all his efforts. He switches fumblingly between licks and sucks, but it seems to be working nonetheless as you become louder and louder. “Oh! Spencer!” you cry out, your whole body shuddering. He almost comes in his pants at the sound of it. “Ooooh!” you wail, reaching your peak. Your body tenses and then releases, going limp with bliss. His lips stop moving and he stares up at you, waiting for your next move. “Oh, that was amazing Spencer,” you sigh, sluggishly moving down his body until your faces are level. He licks his lips, gazing at you adoringly. You reach up to wipe his wet chin with a small smile.

“I was okay, then?” he chuckles nervously, his hand coming to your waist, a little unsure.

“What do you think, genius?” you tease, kissing his temple. He sighs and flutters his eyes closed. Everything had happened so fast, he wasn’t sure what this meant for the two of you and your friendship, so blinded by lust when he got over here. But you were kissing down his jaw and neck, not indicating that you were kicking him out, and he felt a little better for it. He notices that your lips are straying quite low, over his chest and stomach through his shirt. His eyes flutter open and his breath hitches as he sees you gazing seductively up at him.

“Wha–?” he stammers as you start to unbuckle his belt.

“Returning the favour,” you smile, pressing kisses where his shirt had ridden up. He moans softly, his brain starting to turn to mush once more.

“God, I love you,” he gasps. You both go still for a moment as his words sink in. He can’t believe he just said that, especially right now, with your head hovering over his crotch, even if he desperately means it. He opens his mouth to try and fix this but you beat him to it. You press a kiss just below his belly button.

“I love you too,”

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xoxoxo

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celestialtarot11 · 2 months ago

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Their naughty thoughts of you 🐚🙊

I most definitely am not apologizing for making this post 😤we all get a lil freaky sometimes. Anyway hope ya’ll enjoy! Feel free to like comment and reblog. 18+

divider creds: @fairytopea

Pile 1: Welcome my little friend 😈 anyway ya’ll this is cute. My fluffy and sweet pile. They wanna see you self pleasure and you probably smell really good, so they really like that. They wanna see you dripped out in lingerie, or anything that makes you feel confident and just touch yourself in front of them. There’s something about that fantasy that gets them going. And they also fantasize about cuddling you, definitely have a praise kink 🙊 I am calling this person out—they’re like a teddy bear in bed and they do wanna be close to you as physically as they can. This person would romance you first 😮‍💨 and then get dirty. They care about feelings soo, booty call with feelings kinda vibe 🥺 and they also won’t hesitate to give you water whilst they’re doing you, like “hey you need some of this?” 😭 helpp. They’re funny too. I feel like even in bed they fantasize about awkward cute moments between ya’ll. This is making me gush they are cute lol. Yall could never dating or haven’t done sexual stuff yet, but they definitely think about owning your heart first and worshipping you as you are! They’d take their time and kiss everywhere and make sure you’re all comfortable in bed or where else ya’ll prefer doing the dirty 😭 I also feel like they fantasize about making you cry their name and have you be an emotional mess (in a good way) from all the pleasure. Whoo. Pile 1. There you have it 👀 a lil something spicy. Hope yall enjoyed and feel free to like comment and reblog 🤍

Pile 2: My god pile 2 is it me or is the tension hot on both sides 😭 the person you’re asking about and you. I feel like both of yall have such strong vivid imaginations and wild ideas. I heard it goes both ways, so its not one person if you need confirmation. I feel like your person idolizes you, I heard maneater so they definitely see you as someone to worship. And not just anyone but a divine being. I feel like they wanna do everything right by you—even if it means being submissive to you. They’d fall to their knees for you 😤 this is the kinda energy they’re bringing!! And we’re not complaining 🥺 love to see it. I feel they fantasize about kissing messily, grabbing each other up and pressing everywhere. And fingering, lots of exploring. They wanna feel all the juices everywhere. And I think they fantasize about blowjobs, or at least having their fluids in your mouth. They just want to see the visual of it and replay it over and over. They fantasize about sitting in a chair whilst your between their legs, and they succumb to your touch. Like you’re just their devouring them and they have no choice but to take it 😭 maneater vibes fr. And I also feel like they’re kinda shy about their fantasies which makes it cuter but they want it. They want it to happen. I think they hide it a lot from you and put on a stoic face but deep down they cant ignore their freak!! Their freak is calling them 😩 “is somebody gonna match my freak” help. Its playing in my head 😭 anyway pile 2 yall get a room and get it on or something, hope yall liked this. Feel free to like and comment and reblog 🥰

Pile 3: hey guys, what is this? Damsel in distress fantasy? 😭 guys I feel like your person has a fantasy where you come running to them and you just want in on their world. Like consumed by all their pleasure and wanting only them. Its giving they want you to be hooked and obsessed on their energy, and the way they do you. They want you coming back for more. I have no idea if anyone here is into threesomes—someone here likes that. Also getting high or drinking alcohol might be something they fantasize about. It’s also giving daddy kink like ddlg, I picked up on. I heard pet play too. Im not judging just writing whatever spirit is telling me ☕️ I feel like they dream about you joining their sex filled world. Like this person could be experienced and they fantasize about showing you all the things they know and teaching you—and its like this thing where they help you reach your release because they know your body. They know where to touch and please you. I don’t know if some of yall never had sex before, but I’m picking that vibe too. I feel like this person is possessive of you in bed and only wants your attention on them. They want you completely focused on them. Geez this is intense! 😮‍💨 it’s giving Scorpio and strong mars energy. Maybe they have a lot of mars aspects or placement in their chart. But either way—they have lots of stamina. Strong bdsm vibes. And they want to spend lots of time doing foreplay to draw it out before finally giving in. Only when you’re comfortable. Like I see a feather being trailed down your spine and teasing you—this person KNOWS. Anyway yall, be safe always & at your discretion, have fun 😈 hope yall liked! Feel free to like comment and reblog to help this blog grow.

Thank yall sm for reading! Definitely bringing in that nsfw vibe 😈 hope yall enjoyed the freakiness. 18+ only 👀

Extra 🤍

Paid readings 🤍

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kalki-tarot · 7 months ago

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THINGS YOU CARRIED FROM YOUR PREVIOUS LIVES ⚖️

Please read : This is just a general reading and may not be 100% true all the times. Please use your brain before making any decisions. Kalki tarot is not responsible for your actions and life decisions.

PICK ONLY ONE PICTURE AND ALLOW ME TO TAP INTO YOUR ENERGY.

Pile 01

I can see you lived by a river, it seems to be the country side. Green grass and shallow wind is what I feel where you belonged. Your sense of belonging in nature comes from this lifetime. You felt comfortable laying over the grass and just looking at the clouds. You were an innocent human being. Your heart held deep sense of purity for everyone and everything. You belonged to a foreign country, different from where you are right now.

I'm getting one more lifetime for you, where you wanted to be a saint or a nun or something like that. You wanted to attain moksha so you decided to take necessary actions but your responsibilities held you down. You could not leave your family or responsibilities i guess.

Your were an emotionally intelligent human being. It can be your gift in your current lifetime to be knowledgeable about spirituality and mysticism. You were born with healing abilities and you may also be a psychic.

Another gift you carried in this lifetime is of alchemy. You may be interested into witchcraft and rituals. Try to practice it more, it will really work well for you. Don't use it for bad things though. You have the power to create and manipulate energies. Your soul possesses infinite knowledge about spiritual. Unlock your hidden potential for its best use.

One more thing I'm seeing is that you carried a lot of burdens too from your previous life. Some traumas or fears, it can be anything. This is the reason why your psychic gifts were blurred or you were just not able to believe in your self, you have wounds from past life too. Healing is needed.

Pile 02

Dear Pile 2, you were someone very helpful and empathetic in your previous life. You were a gentle human being, you may have active water placements in your chart which influence you the most. You were and still are someone very deep and emotional. You understand people around you but sometimes you feel misunderstood. You feel different from everybody else. Yes you are different and it's not bad to be different. You are indeed a very special human being.

In your previous life too, you were a nice person and you did many humanitarian works. All the good karma you did is coming back to you in this lifetime. Please don't let your pure soul get corrupted or influenced by negative people. You often struggle with patience, you get anxious and restless when things don't go as you planned or when you don't see results when you want it. This is what you carried in this lifetime too. Work on having patience. You will definitely reap the fruits of your labour, but before accepting divine timing only!

Again with the fool card, your energy is very restless and childlike. You have the curiosity of a child and you crave adventurous things in life. You can't sit at one place for a long time. But this over restlessness may make you do foolish things. You should try to shift your energy from wasting it on useless things to creating something with your creative mind. You are someone who can build a castle in the sky. What i mean is you have the potential to start from scratch and turn it into something big. Use your energy here rather than doing foolish things.

You were like a wise sufi saint in your past life and you've also carried a lot of wisdom from there. Sometimes you go like where am i even getting these wise thoughts from lol. Yes! You are a street smart person. Use your potential to create something big.

Pile 03

You were someone who used to run behind success. You had or still have a fear of failing and that comes from your past life. You were in a high position in your previous life and you constantly used to work hard for keeping up or maintaining what you had.

You lacked the need to rest. And due to this you became a little too much workaholic. You were too much indulged in your work life that you kind of forget your presonal life and relationships. You will be forced to address the fear of failure in this lifetime too.

And the karma for not addressing your personal relationships is that you will not have any genuine connections in this lifetime. But don't worry, once you accept balance in your life and address your mistakes, things will start aligning for you.

Have a balanced approach and towards work and personal life. Don't be too rational, listen to your head anf heart both. And try not to force yourself to work hard. You will not fail! Don't worry.

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callsigns-haze · 2 months ago

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Could you write a Tyler Owens x reader where he's helping the reader calm down from an intense school moment. Like in college for a tough major (architecture would be cool lol, not biased at all; maybe focusing on better built homes for tornados) and it's like the first day of classes and it's chaos already.

Study Stress

Pairing: Tyler Owens x Reader

Warnings: Study stress, crying, emotional turmoil

A/N: I study architecture so trust me I have 11 projects going on currently and I sit in tears

The first day of classes at the College of Architecture was supposed to be exciting—a fresh start, a new challenge. But as the hours ticked by, Y/N felt the weight of the day pressing down on her, each class piling on more expectations and responsibilities. The chaotic buzz of students around her, the endless syllabi full of demanding projects, and the looming deadlines were enough to make her head spin.

By the time her last class ended, Y/N was completely overwhelmed. The idea of spending the next several years in this intense environment, working on complex designs and innovative solutions, seemed daunting. And to top it all off, her focus on tornado-resistant homes—a passion project born from personal experience—only added to the pressure. The stakes felt incredibly high, and it seemed like everyone else was already miles ahead.

Dragging herself back to her apartment, Y/N tried to hold it together. But as soon as she closed the door behind her, the floodgates opened. She slid down to the floor, her back against the door, tears spilling down her cheeks. The stress, the anxiety, the fear of failure—it all came crashing down at once.

She didn’t hear the door open or Tyler’s footsteps approaching. She was too lost in her thoughts, in the panic that was rising inside her. But when she felt his arms wrap around her, pulling her into a warm, comforting embrace, she finally exhaled.

“Hey, hey… it’s okay,” Tyler’s voice was soft, soothing, as he gently rocked her. “I’ve got you.”

Y/N buried her face in his chest, her sobs muffled against his shirt. “It’s too much, Ty. It’s only the first day, and I’m already falling apart. How am I supposed to do this?”

Tyler didn’t respond right away. Instead, he just held her, letting her cry, letting her get it all out. He knew better than to try and fix things with words right now. Sometimes, you just needed to let the storm pass on its own.

After a few minutes, when her breathing started to even out, Tyler pulled back just enough to look at her, his hand gently brushing a few stray tears from her face. “You don’t have to do it all at once, you know,” he said, his voice calm and reassuring. “You’re going to take it one step at a time, one class at a time, one project at a time. And I’ll be right here with you, every step of the way.”

Y/N sniffled, wiping at her eyes. “But what if I can’t do it? What if I’m not good enough?”

“You’re more than good enough,” Tyler replied firmly, his eyes meeting hers with unwavering confidence. “You’re smart, passionate, and driven. You care about what you’re doing, and that’s half the battle right there. The rest… well, it’s just practice. You’ll get better, you’ll get stronger, and you’ll learn how to handle the pressure.”

Y/N wanted to believe him, but the doubt still lingered. “I’m so scared of failing.”

Tyler’s expression softened, and he took her hands in his, squeezing them gently. “Failure isn’t the end of the world, Y/N. It’s just part of the process. And you’re not in this alone. You’ve got your classmates, your professors, and you’ve got me. I’m not going to let you go through this by yourself.”

She looked into his eyes, finding comfort in the steady, reassuring gaze that had always been her anchor. Tyler was her calm in the storm, the person who could steady her when everything else felt like it was spiraling out of control.

Taking a deep breath, Y/N nodded, feeling a little more centered. “Okay… one step at a time.”

Tyler smiled, leaning in to press a gentle kiss to her forehead. “That’s my girl. Now, how about we take the rest of the day off? We can order some takeout, watch a movie, and just relax. The work will still be there tomorrow.”

The idea of taking a break sounded like exactly what she needed. “Yeah… I’d like that.”

“Good,” Tyler said, helping her up from the floor. He kept his arm around her as they moved to the couch, where he pulled a blanket over them both. As they settled in, Y/N felt the tension slowly leaving her body, replaced by a sense of warmth and security.

With Tyler by her side, she knew she could face whatever challenges came her way. And for now, that was enough.

Requests for Tyler are open be free to send in as much as you wish!

tagging some:

@senawashere

@saviorcomplexrry

@cevansbaby-dove

@saynotononsense

@missdottie

@willowisp7

@taorislover94

@eloquenceinpurple

@86laura11

@rosiahills22

@jessicab1991

@kmc1989

@shanimallina87

@eternalsams

@teen-antisocial

@katiemcrae

#tyler owens x reader #tyler owens x you #tyler owens fanfic #tyler owens #twisters fanfiction #tyler owens imagine #tyler owens x y/n #tyler owens smut #dad!tyler owens

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m0chis-cafe · 9 days ago

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Hello! This is my first time making a request, if it's okay, can I get a reader with Lillia, Rook, Vil and Leona who has recently been suffering from insomnia and anxiety about returning home (comfort in the end) Please? 😔🎀

i absolutely love this, i get horrible insomia. i gotchu♡

(edit: i ended up focusing on one more than the other in some, but both are mentioned. hope u still like it *mwah*)

reader suffering from insomnia and anxiety about returning home.. ⋆⑅˚₊

word count: 1.5k

warnings: mentioning of anxiety, and panic attacks (there will be major comfort though), sitting in laps, kissing, joking to help, mentioning of what happens in each of the characters books (i hope yall have read em before but js in case)

characters: leona, vil, and lilia

leona kingscholar🦁

you paced the botanical gardens on campus, hands tangling in your hair s you thoughts went a million miles a second..

how am i going to get home?

how is my family.. god i miss them..

if im forced to stay here.. how do i even pass these crazy magic classes?

do the people here ive come to know even want me here or are they forced to cause i cant leave..

every new thought was another anxiety that just caused your breath to quicken. your thoughts were flooded with negatives.. if you had magic this is what youd assume a magic blot would feel like.. so much negative emotions piling into you all at once.

you eventually sat below a tree, knees curled to your chest as you tried to calm yourself down. it didnt help that you hadent slept in days, insomnia only getting worse since coming to nightraven.

yet no matter what you did your breaths wouldnt calm, your hands kept shaking, and you couldnt hear or see straight. you almost jumped right out of your skin as you felt hands grab your own that covered your face. looking up you saw brown hair and ears.. leona?

his voice made its way to you eventually, "herbavore? herbavore.. seriously c'mon your worrying me. ruggie said you ran off but i didnt think itd be this bad." he mumbled to himself before his hands slipped dwon to your biceps, "hey, listen to me." he spoke firmly.

your eyes eventually meet him, your breaths calmling slightly at his presence. taking large breaths through your lips as you looked up at him, arms shaking in his hold. "dont fall out on me now, we need you." he spoke lowly as he scopped you up with ease, placing you betwen his legs, "your alright now herbivore, whatevers going on in that head of yours, its gonna be alright, yea?" he placed a kiss on your forhead allowng you time to breath normally.

when your breaths calmed and body began to calm, you sighed and leaned more into his body, "thank you.. leona". he chuckled deeply, sloching more down the tree, letting you fall into his chest. "its fine kid, just glad your fine. did something happen?". your eyes widened before spilling, explaining your thoughts to him slowly, anxious to be a burden. when you ended he rolled his eyes and strted laughing.. at you?..

huh?

"you seriously think anyone here doesnt want you here? i think at this point those first years would fall apart without you, and as for finding your way home, crawley better. or ill personally kick his ass, alright herbavore?" you simply nodded your head and leaned into him smiling, "your really not as bad as they say you are.."

vil schoenheit🧺

vi had become obsessed with training for the dance competittion, day after day everyone was practicing for hours every day. you tried to be nothin bt supportive but your insomnia had only gotten worse with the recent stress of the compettition..

what will happen if we dont win?

everyone else looks so tired..

god im so tired.. when was the last time i slept multiple hours?

i wish i could just go home already..

you guys had gotten the first brea of the day, you sat against the wall between kalim and ace as they yapped about how excited they were to preform next week. listening to them had you distracted, your eyes fluttering closed.

a hand was placed on your shoulder, looking up you saw jamil crouched in front of you, "are you alright? you look terrible prefect" you heard ace and kalim repremand him for being so blunt, but you just shook your head trying to wake up, "im fine jamil.. just tired, thank you though"

he looked skeptical but quickly turned to make sure kalim was drinking water and taking a proper break. ace mumbled something under his breath that you barley couldnt catch before he stood up and walked towards vil who was with rook and epel, who were talking across the room.

you saw vil look down at ace with his arms crossed, he glanced at you as ace pointed a finger to you. vil abandoned his conversation with epel and rook, shooing away the others around you, "why wouldnt you say that you havent been sleeping, thats not proper conditions for you to be proforming in prefect."

"im fine vil-", he rolled his eyes and cut you off, "you look anything but, stand" he reached a hand down to you, pulling you up from the ground. your head swam with spots when you rose too quickly, stumbling into vil.

he wrapped his arms around your waist, holding you up, "poision.. is somethng truley wrong?" you looked up at him, eyes wide as he read you like a book. he quickly took your hand and dragged you out of the practice room and into the lounge at pomefiore.

he sat you down in one of the chairs and crouched in fron tof you, holding your face in his hands, "speak to me.." you sighed before explaining what had been happening, the stresses and not sleeping, the thoughts of never being able to go home.

he sighed and stood, sitting beside you and tugging you into his side, "i wish you would speak up when this happens, you know that id never wish to add to your burdens." he placed a kiss to your forhead before continuing, "we will find a way for you to go home, no matter how bitter sweet itll be, i do hope we find a way for you to go back and forth.. we would all miss you terribly here.. especially me." at his words you sighed and relaxed into his side, "ill find a way back, i could never just leave you guys.. especially you.

rook hunt🪶

you thought itd be easy to hide your emotions recently, but knowing rook he proably could already see through your mind..

i hope i can go home soon..

i wonder if time has passed back home and if my family is worried about me..

i need to stop stresing, i havent slept at all recently

these magic classes are getting harder with the lack of magic

you thought you kept a pretty good mask on arround others, yet as soon as you were walking from potions alone with rook he spoke up, "mon cheri.. have you been sleeping enough? your beauty is as blinding as always, alas you seem more tired than usual."

you shouldve known better than to try to keep something from him, he finds out everything sooner rathar than latter, "im alright, just worried about getting home, i guess its been affecting my sleep.."

"well theres no use in worrying cheri! i garuntee they will find a way to send you home! with that said i think a long rest for you is in place." he spoke cherfully as he laced your hands together and dragged you to pomefiore, you smiled at his actions and followed along.. he always here to look after me

lilia vanrough🦇

after dealing with blots from every other house, you thought hanging around diasmonia would be calming. yet as you sat in the lounge with silver, sebek, lilia, and malleus your thought still didnt stop running..

whos going to over-blot next?

will the next one be more powerful.. maybe too powerful..

i didnt have these struggles at home

even my sleep scheduals gotten worse.. late nights staying up with lilia and idia playing games have become much more often an occurance

im supposed to be relaxing, just breath..

your mind spaced out as you looked at the floor in front of you while stuck in thought. your hands tangled into your blazer sleeves as your breath quickened, your vision began to see spots before you felt a hand rest on top of your own in your lap.

"prefect, is something the matter?" your head snapped up and saw lilia who was sat beside you, a concerned look for once took over his boyish grin, "your not looking too good.. are you ill?" he placed a hand on you forhead attempting to asses if you were running a fever.

"im alright.. just missing home" you mumbled, offering him a small smile as you placed your head on his shoulder. he sighed, raisng your hand to press a kiss on the back of your hand, "well find a way for you to go back, i promise it my dear."

he wrapped an arm around your waist pulling you to lean more into him, "in the mean time, you havent been sleeping and its clear, get some rest prefect" his boyish grin returned as he pecked your cheek. he was right.. everything was gonna be ok.

you finally felt comfortble enough to fall into a deep sleep against him, with grim curled up into your lap mumbling about his dreams of tuna. surronded by people you became found of over you stay at nightraven, it wouldnt be bad to stay here, but you knew that there would be a way home.

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #leona kingscholar #leona x reader #leona kingsholar x reader #vil schoenheit #vil x reader #vil schoenheit x reader #rook hunt #rook x reader #rook hunt x reader #lilia vanrouge #lilia x reader #lilia vanrouge x reader #mochiscafe<3

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wandering-winchesters · 2 months ago

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No Room for Blame

Summary: After a hunt leaves you injured saving Sam, a tense and emotional ride back to the motel forces Dean to confront his fear, anger, and the unbreakable bond between the three of you.

The hunt had gone sideways, fast. What was supposed to be a routine salt-and-burn turned into a nightmare when the spirit you were hunting turned out to be far more powerful than any of you had anticipated. In the chaos of the fight, Sam had been pinned, unable to move, the spirit’s ghostly hands tightening around his throat. You didn’t think twice—you launched yourself at the spirit, using every ounce of strength and whatever weapons you had on hand to distract it and give Sam a chance to break free.

It worked, but not without a cost. The spirit turned its fury on you, throwing you hard against a wall. You felt a sharp, searing pain in your side as you hit the ground, and everything went dark for a moment. By the time you came to, the spirit was gone, banished by Sam and Dean, who had finished the job. But the damage was done. You could barely move, every breath sending sharp, stabbing pains through your ribs.

Sam was at your side in an instant, his face pale with worry as he helped you to your feet. You saw the guilt in his eyes, clear as day. He knew you’d taken the hit for him, and it was eating him up inside. But there was no time to dwell on it. The three of you needed to get out of there before anything else went wrong.

The ride back to the motel was a quiet one. Sam had insisted on sitting in the backseat with you, his usual spot next to Dean forgotten in favor of being close, making sure you were okay. He kept glancing at you, his brow furrowed with concern, his hand hovering near yours as if he wanted to reach out but wasn’t sure if he should.

“You should’ve let me handle it,” Sam finally said, his voice low and filled with a mixture of guilt and frustration. “You didn’t have to—”

“I couldn’t just let it kill you, Sam,” you interrupted, your voice strained with pain but firm. “I wasn’t about to lose you.”

He fell silent, his jaw tightening as he stared out the window, clearly struggling with his emotions. You could see the tension in his shoulders, the way his hands clenched into fists in his lap. Sam was blaming himself for what happened, even though you both knew that in a hunt, things rarely went as planned.

The Impala’s engine hummed steadily, the only sound breaking the heavy silence between you. Dean hadn’t said much since you all piled into the car, his eyes focused on the road, his knuckles white as he gripped the steering wheel. You knew him well enough to recognize the storm brewing beneath his calm exterior. He was angry—angry that you’d gotten hurt, angry that the hunt had gone so wrong, and probably angry at himself for letting it happen.

The motel finally came into view, and you could feel the tension in the car ratchet up another notch. Dean parked the Impala with more force than necessary, the tires squealing slightly as he pulled into the lot. He was out of the car and around to your side in seconds, opening the door and leaning in to help you out before Sam could even unbuckle his seatbelt.

“Let’s get you inside,” Dean said, his voice clipped and controlled, but you could hear the anger simmering just beneath the surface.

You nodded, too exhausted to argue, and let him help you out of the car. The pain in your side flared up as you moved, and you couldn’t help the small gasp that escaped your lips. Dean’s grip tightened around you, his expression hardening as he all but carried you toward the motel room.

Sam followed close behind, his guilt-ridden silence a heavy presence that seemed to weigh down the air around you. You could feel the tension between the brothers, a palpable thing that made your chest tighten with something other than pain.

Dean pushed open the motel room door, guiding you inside and over to the bed. He was gentle as he helped you sit down, but his movements were stiff, his jaw clenched tight as he tried to keep his emotions in check. Sam hovered by the door, his eyes downcast, as if he didn’t know whether to come closer or keep his distance.

“Dean…” you started, but he cut you off with a sharp shake of his head.

“Not now,” he said, his voice rough. “We need to get you patched up.”

You sighed, knowing there was no point in arguing with him when he was like this. He was in full protective mode, and that meant nothing else mattered until he was sure you were okay. But you also knew that his anger wasn’t just about you being hurt—it was about the risk you’d taken to protect Sam. And that was something he couldn’t just brush off.

Dean moved with practiced efficiency, retrieving the first aid kit and kneeling beside you to assess the damage. You winced as he gently lifted your shirt to inspect the bruising already forming along your ribs, but he didn’t say a word, his expression set in a grim line.

Sam stayed by the door, his guilt weighing heavily in the room. He finally spoke, his voice thick with emotion. “I’m sorry. This is my fault.”

Dean’s head snapped up, his eyes blazing as he turned to look at his brother. “Don’t start that crap, Sam. It’s not your fault.”

“Dean, if I had just—”

“If you had just what? Let that thing kill you?” Dean’s voice was rising now, his anger no longer held back. “She did what she had to do, and now she’s hurt because of it. But don’t you dare blame yourself for this. We all made choices out there.”

Sam flinched at Dean’s harsh tone but didn’t back down. “But she wouldn’t have gotten hurt if it wasn’t for me.”

“Enough!” you cut in, your voice strained but firm. You couldn’t bear to see them tearing each other apart over this. “This isn’t about blame. We’re a team, and we all did what we had to do. I’d do it again if it meant keeping you both safe.”

Dean looked at you, his expression softening slightly, though the anger in his eyes hadn’t completely faded. “You shouldn’t have to,” he said quietly. “You shouldn’t have to put yourself in danger like that.”

You reached out, placing a hand on his arm, trying to reassure him. “And you shouldn’t have to either, but we do it because that’s what we do. We protect each other.”

Dean’s jaw clenched, and he looked away for a moment, the weight of your words sinking in. Finally, he nodded, though his expression remained tight. “Just… don’t do it again, okay? I can’t—” His voice caught, and he quickly looked away, unable to finish the sentence.

“I won’t,” you promised, though you both knew it was a lie. In this life, there were no guarantees. But in that moment, it was what he needed to hear.

Dean finished patching you up in silence, his movements gentle but his expression still shadowed with worry. Sam eventually moved closer, sitting on the edge of the other bed, his head in his hands as he tried to process everything.

The room was quiet, the tension slowly ebbing away as the reality of what had happened settled in. It wasn’t the first time one of you had gotten hurt, and it wouldn’t be the last. But it was a reminder of just how fragile everything was, how easily things could go wrong.

When Dean finally stood up, he took a deep breath, his shoulders relaxing just a fraction as he looked between you and Sam. “We’ll get through this,” he said, his voice low but steady. “We always do.”

You nodded, grateful for the reassurance, and Sam finally lifted his head, meeting Dean’s gaze with a small, hesitant smile.

“Yeah,” Sam agreed quietly. “We will.”

The three of you sat in the quiet motel room, the weight of the night slowly lifting, replaced by the unspoken bond that had always held you together. You knew there would be more hunts, more dangers, and more times when you’d have to put everything on the line for each other. But you also knew that as long as you had each other, you could face whatever came next.

And that was enough.

Taglist: @roseblue373 @jc-winchester @hobby27 @mishreem

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steventhusiast · 11 months ago

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STWG daily prompt 9/12/23

prompt: barbie

pairing/character(s): steddie, stobin

transfemme!stevie has my heart ngl

Stevie's been out to Eddie for a few months when her birthday comes around. And she's anticipating a... Depressing day, if she's honest.

The only people that know are Eddie and Robin. To everyone else, she's still a guy. So she anticipates all the masculine gifts; cologne, clothes she won't wear, gag gifts from the kids about her being their dad.

And that part of her birthday is depressing. She sits through a lunch-time barbecue with the party and Eddie holds her hand out of view of everyone else so she can squeeze it every time something is said that makes her want to bawl her eyes out. Like how Mike keeps making jokes about how her hair's starting to be too long to look good, and Dustin keeps asking why she's wearing so many layers in July, and everyone keeps calling her the birthday boy, and son, and Steve-

She's happy to go home, is the point. Expects to spend the rest of the night curled up on the couch with Eddie who will no doubt spend the rest of his night feeding her words of affirmation about how she's his girl and other ooey gooey feminine phrases he knows quell the knot in her stomach some.

What she doesn't expect is for Robin to be sat on the couch she wants to curl up on, a comically huge blanket in her hands and an equally comically large pile of gifts towered in front of the couch.

"Rob, what-" Stevie starts, eyebrows raising involuntarily. She looks to Eddie, who has a small, proud smile on his face.

"Happy birthday, dingus!" Robin cheers. A party popper seems to have materialised in her hand out of nowhere, and Stevie can't help the laugh that's shocked out of her when it pops loudly.

"Go get changed into something more Stevie, okay, my love? It's time for your real birthday." Eddie says into her ear.

A sudden well of emotion builds up inside her at the words, at how lovely her boyfriend and best friend are, at the thought of how much they must have spent to buy her these gifts. She sniffs harshly to keep tears from falling, nods, and goes to her and Eddie's room without a word.

She considers getting straight into sweats in case she falls asleep in the living room, but knows she needs to feel feminine right now. Needs to see who she is reflected on the outside as well as the inside so she doesn't feel so... Wrong for the rest of the night. She slips into a comfortable pink day dress with a wrap front (an incredibly willing donation from Robin's closet) and doesn't give herself any time to scrutinise her figure in the mirror. Just brushes her hair out of its more masculine style of being pushed back, and into something softer that frames her face.

When she reenters the living room, Robin is still sat on the couch with the blanket, and Eddie is crouched down by the pile of gifts, murmuring to himself as he picks through them. Robin's laughing at him, and Stevie's chest feels warm in their presence.

"Hey! There's the birthday girl." Eddie grins when he sees her, and then looks back down at the gift pile to select a box-shaped one that's wrapped in purple polka-dot paper.

Stevie sits next to Robin, and tilts her head to rest on her shoulder as she watches her boyfriend make a sound of celebration when he holds up the gift.

"I was gonna save this gift for last, but after that shitshow I just- here, babygirl." He holds it out to Stevie with a softer smile on his face (Robin calls it his Stevie Smile), and Stevie takes it with gentle hands.

"It's from him and me, by the way. Don't let dingus 2 take all the credit." Robin adds on. Eddie just rolls his eyes and nods, and then starts to talk as Stevie carefully tears the wrapping paper. She's trying to preserve it as much as she can. Wants to keep as much evidence of her first birthday as herself as she can.

"I hope we got the right one. It was kinda hard to find, but I went to a bunch of flea markets and I remember you talking about how when you were younger you wanted it but your mom wouldn't let you and-"

Eddie cuts himself off when Stevie finally tears enough wrapping paper away to see the beginnings of the Barbie logo and gasps. Tears are already brewing in her eyes, and maybe one or two drip onto the precious wrapping paper as she manages to slide it off to reveal-

"Ballerina Barbie." She whispers, staring down at the doll. Her hands are shaking a little, and she feels so incredibly wobbly and warm.

She can't believe Eddie remembers what she said about the moment she knew she wasn't a boy the way she was supposed to be. How her mom had snatched the toy out of her hands in the toystore and replaced it with a car set.

"Is it the right one?" Eddie asks after a moment, and Stevie lifts her head to see him chewing nervously on his lip.

Instead of speaking, she wordlessly gestures for him to join her and Robin on the couch and promptly throws an arm around each of them for a much needed cuddle.

"It's perfect." She says to both of them, and gets twin squeezes to each side. A couple more tears slip out as she looks at the pile of gifts she still has to go through, "I can't believe you guys did all this for me."

"We love you, Stevie-bee." Robin says simply. Like that explains everything. Like it makes perfect sense.

"Yeah, we gotta treat our girl the way she deserves." Eddie adds on.

And Stevie thinks that maybe it does make perfect sense. After all, she'd go the same length for either of them.

#steddie #stobin #stevie harrington #trans steve harrington #steddie ficlet #steddie drabble #the party aren't transphobes to be clear they just literally do not know #stwgdailyprompt #dailydrabble #mywriting #steve harrington #eddie munson

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snowysosturn · 1 month ago

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Speeding Car - Matt Sturniolo Part 27

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29

Pairing : y/n x Matt Sturniolo

Summary : After six years with your boyfriend Alex, you start to mentally check out. At a UCLA party, Alex reconnects with his childhood friend Emily, who proposes a double date with her boyfriend Matt. Your attraction to Matt grows as he pays you the first real attention you've had in years, sparking a complicated emotional journey.

Warnings : MDNI, angst, tension, anxiety, mentions of memory loss, suspicion

I didn’t get much sleep that night. Every time I closed my eyes, my mind raced with thoughts about Y/n. Being around her again, especially knowing how much she’s forgotten, made me feel on edge. I couldn’t stop thinking about tomorrow, about being in close quarters with her again, pretending everything was fine when it clearly wasn’t. I rolled over and picked up my phone, the time showing 8:49am, eleven minutes before my alarm was about to go off. I gave up on trying to sleep. I got up, dressed, and went to my desk. Sitting on the corner was a small, dainty gold hoop earring, a few tiny diamonds glinting in the morning light. Y/n’s earring. I never got the chance to give it back to her before everything fell apart.

Picking it up, I rubbed the cold metal between my fingers, feeling the weight of what it symbolized. It could be an olive branch, maybe a way to start over. To give it back to her now, with everything that’s happened, felt like a small gesture. A way of saying I remember. I shoved it in my jean pocket, figuring I'd find the right moment later.

When I walked into the kitchen, Chris, Nick, and Y/n were stood talking casually by the counter. They were already dressed, waiting to go out for breakfast. The moment I stepped in, Y/n glanced up, and our eyes met for a brief second. She gave me a shy, half smile, and I nodded back, trying to keep my expression neutral. But inside, my stomach twisted. It was like being punched in the gut, seeing her like this, so close but still so distant.

Chris was complaining about being hungry, tapping his foot impatiently. "C’mon, let’s go already" he whined, tossing my keys to me.

Nick laughed. "Alright, alright, we're leaving now."

We all piled into the car, Y/n slipping into the backseat behind me. I could feel the tension between us, even if no one else could. It wasn’t awkward, but it wasn’t comfortable either. I felt like a stranger being around her, even though there was so much history between us, history she didn’t even remember.

As we drove off, I tried to focus on the road, but my mind kept drifting back to Y/n, wondering how this day would go, if I’d find the right moment to give her the earring, and what her reaction would be. Would she remember it? Would it mean anything to her? Or was it just another piece of the past she’d forgotten?

I drove to the cafe, the one Nick insisted on, and the same spot we’d gone a few weeks ago, the morning after Y/n and I gave in to each other. The Nook is what its called. The memories of that morning hit me hard as I pulled into the parking lot, the intimacy of the place now a heavy weight on my chest. It wasn’t just about being close to her, it was about the vulnerability it brought, the emotions I couldn’t hide.

We all piled into a booth, Nick and Chris were already chatting and flipping through menus, while I stayed quiet, lost in thought. Y/n sat directly across from me. It was different than last time, almost symbolic of how distant things felt now. Back then, she was right beside me, laughing and smiling, my hand sneakily on her thigh. Now, it was as though a wall had been built between us, one I wasn’t sure how to break down.

Y/n stood up, interrupting my thoughts. "Where’s the bathroom?" she asked, glancing between Chris and me. Nick gave her directions, and just before she left, she looked back, almost hesitating. "If the waitress comes, can you order me the-"

"Blueberry pancakes." we both said at the same time.

Fuck.

The shock on her face mirrored the panic in my chest. I knew. Of course I knew. Those were her favorite. I remembered every detail, every small thing about her, but the fact that it came out so naturally hit me like a punch to the gut.

“How did you know that’s what I wanted?” she asked, her voice soft, laced with confusion.

I froze for a second, my mind racing for something to say that wouldn’t give me away. I couldn’t tell her the truth, not here, not now. So I forced a casual shrug, avoiding her eyes. “I… remember you got them with Nick once.. I’m just good at remembering people’s orders.”

She furrowed her brows, clearly not satisfied with the answer but too polite to push it further. “Oh.. that’s nice, I guess..” she muttered, then turned and headed to the bathroom.

The moment she was gone, I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. Nick and Chris were still chatting, oblivious to the tension that had wrapped itself around me like a vice.

Why did I say that? Why couldn’t I just tell her the truth? Every time she was near me, my instincts were to protect, to care for her, but how could I do that when she didn’t even remember who I was, who we were? And now she was asking how I knew something so personal about her, something that only someone close would know.

I leaned back against the booth, running my hands through my hair. This wasn’t sustainable. Playing it cool, pretending that things were normal when everything inside me screamed to tell her the truth. But I couldn’t. I had to keep my distance. For her sake, for mine. Even though it killed me to do so.

Nick nudged me, snapping me out of my thoughts. "You good, man?"

“Yeah” I mumbled, faking a smile. “Just thinking.”

About a million things. None of which I could say out loud.

We sat there waiting for Y/n to return, but in the silence, all I could think about was how much harder this was getting. Trying to act normal when everything was far from it. And knowing, deep down, that as much as I wanted to tell her everything, I might never get the chance to.

We finished up at the cafe, the awkwardness from earlier still lingering. I could barely focus on my food, my mind stuck on that moment with Y/n and the damn blueberry pancakes. Why did I have to say anything? The drive back was quiet, mostly just Chris tracking Nate’s flight on his phone, announcing every update like it was some sort of countdown.

As I drove us toward Y/n’s doctor’s office, I overheard her and Nick talking in the back. She was hopeful she’d be able to get her wrist brace off today, excited about the prospect of returning to “normality.” Or at least what she thought was her normal. One thing she did remember was her job, the retail gig she’d stuck with since she left school. I knew how tough retail could be, and part of me respected her for keeping at it for so long. She even mentioned how excited she was to get back to her first shift today, as long as the doctor gave her the all clear.

I pulled up outside the practice, the conversation dying down as we arrived. Chris was still busy with Nate’s flight updates while Nick and Y/n exchanged goodbyes. Y/n unbuckled her seatbelt, giving everyone a smile before she opened the door. As she stepped out of the car, this overwhelming urge hit me.

“Y/n” I blurted out before I could stop myself. My hands instinctively went to my jean pocket, feeling the small hoop earring I’d been carrying. I wanted to give it back to her. I wanted her to remember. Hoping it was some way to bridge the gap between us.

She leaned back into the car slightly, peering her head through the door. “Yeah?”

I swallowed, my mind racing. Do it, just give it to her, I thought.

“I hope you get your wrist brace off.”

I bitched it.

That was it.

That was all I could manage.

She smiled, looking genuinely grateful. “Thanks, Matt. I appreciate that.”

Then, she waved goodbye to all of us. “Bye, guys. Have a good day! Tell your friend Nate I’d love to meet him.. if I haven’t already!” she added with a little laugh before closing the door.

I watched her walk toward the entrance of the doctor’s office, and all I could think was how stupid I was. Why didn’t I just say what I wanted to say? Why didn’t I give her the earring or at least have a real conversation with her?

Instead, I sat there, gripping the steering wheel tighter, feeling like an idiot for missing yet another chance to make things right. Chris smacked the back of my seat. “Alright, let's go get Nate.”

But my mind was still back at the café, stuck on everything I hadn’t said.

Y/n’s POV

I left the doctor's office clutching a leaflet for physio exercises and clearance for me to go back to work. My wrist was still a little stiff, but at least it was nothing serious. The brace was off, and now I just needed to get my range of motion back.

As I walked out, I realized I hadn’t heard from Alex all day, which was unusual. He’d usually check in, especially after knowing I had an appointment. So, I shot him a quick message, letting him know I was cleared by the doctor and I should be home soon. The message didn’t deliver, but I figured it was because he was in class or had poor reception.

I ordered an Uber to take me home. God, I missed driving. I couldn’t wait to get behind the wheel again, hopefully Alex would be home by the time I had to go to work so I could drive there.

The Uber driver pulled up and as we drove to my apartment, I found myself thinking about all the things I had to do once I got back to work - catching up, easing back into shifts, and the usual retail hustle.

When the Uber arrived outside my apartment, I noticed my car was still parked in our assigned space. That was strange. Alex usually took it to college since we share mine. Maybe he carpooled with the guys this morning? I shrugged it off not reading too much into it.

Walking up the steps, I reached into my bag, feeling for my keys. As I got closer to the door, I heard something that made me freeze. Laughter. But not just any laughter, female laughter, coming from inside my apartment.

My heart rate quickened, a wave of unease washing over me. Without thinking, I shoved my key into the lock, the sound of it turning felt so loud in the stillness of the hallway. I opened the door quickly, practically bursting into the room.

And there she was. Emily. Sitting on top of my kitchen table, looking disheveled and far too comfortable. Her hair was a mess, and her face was flushed.

Alex stood just a couple of feet away, by the sink. He looked over at me, and for a split second, his face flickered with something. Guilt? Panic? I couldn't quite tell.

Why the hell was she still here?A knot formed in my stomach, tightening with every second that passed. Something was off, very off.

a/n: 3 more parts left, schedule is here

taglist : @muwapsturniolo @anitahunt @sturnfannn @jayde510 @chrissfavhoe @babyalliah-777 @v33angel l @urmom69lol @willowrites @ribread03 @2muchofaslvt @sturnsaver @sleepysturniolo @jcsturniolo11 @jessie-essie @hoeforchrizz @mynbbys @sturniolopanini @mattsturnxoxo @delicatechrry @t77te @sturnsyaper69 @hotdismylife @maggot3647 @ivysturnss @noplaceissafeanymore @mattssgf @yourfavsturniologirl @maethem0nth @sillyponygrl @mattyblover07 @imjusthereforthesturniolosmut @dominicfikeenthusiast @mattsfavbigtitties @ncm9696 @chrisstvrns @schlutt4matty @lvrsturniolo @chrissolos @ilusa @amelia-sturniolo3 @wonnieeluvvr @pussydestroyer100 @amexiass @mystinkylefttoe26 @lizzysmith110 @sturniololovebot @secret-sturniolo @freshythefishy @witchofthehour @stvrnlover @alizestvrnss @beachbabe000 @pinkdyit @pvssychicken @starkeyszn @manals-life

#snowy speaks #speeding car #matt sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo #matthew sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo #nick sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #chris sturniolo x reader #the sturniolo triplets #nicolas sturniolo

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d1s1ntegrated · 4 months ago

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shigaraki x reader oneshot

includes: angst, pent up feelings, tomura being emo af, reader being soft, pretty sfw just some kissin :3

‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ - - ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵

tomura isn't good with his emotions.

he's clingy, angsty, childish. he wants to win everything and he ignores whatever makes him human.

so when he realizes that having you around makes him feel things, he feels sick. he wonders if he's cursed, he wonders if his past is finally coming to haunt him. they way you laugh at his jokes, the softness to your voice when you speak with him, the scent of your hair as you walk past him. he's so fucking angry with you, he's so confused and hurt and doesn't understand why.

he sits across the room from you and stares. he can't peel his eyes from you. he ignores you when you ask if he's feeling alright, he just gets up and storms off. when you knock on his door a few minutes later, he slowly cracks the door and rolls his eyes. it's the last thing he needs, to see you when all he wants to do is forget you exist.

"shiggy, are you okay? you've been staring off all night. did one of us do something?" you ask him in that same pleasantly soft voice, and it hurts his head.

"i'm fine." he avoids your eyes, but stares daggers into your socks. he picks at his nails from his sides and shrugs. you can hear everyone else from the other room, laughing and yelling at each other, and wonder if you should just go back out and give tomura his space.

"i can leave, if you want. you don't seem to want company. i didn't mean to bother." you propose, but he looks you dead in the eyes now, and in the smallest voice, replies,

"don't."

"okay." you nod and close the door behind you.

"do you want to talk about it?" you ask, and he shakes his head.

"just shut up and sit." he points to his messy bed, before shoving his piles of clothes off and fixing the duvet slightly. good enough.

"...okay." you comply, and sit. you go to speak but he cuts you off.

"y/n, do you think I'm sick?" he asks, and you look at him.

"what? that's the last thing i expected you to ask." you blink at him, confused.

"aren't you scared of me?" he asks another equally as odd question. you frown.

"if i was, do you think I'd be here?" he grits his teeth.

"yes, because you're reckless and impulsive and an idiot and i hate that." he starts, his tone annoyed.

"i mean you aren't wrong, but wh-" you try to reply, but he cuts you off.

"I'm not finished. don't cut me off." he snaps, but you nod and let him continue,

"i hate that you don't care. i hate that you laugh. i hate how you clean me up and you care for us and you're always here. every time i walk out the door i expect to come back and you're gone, but you're. always. here. you just don't leave! what is wrong with you, y/n, for you to be so stupid and naive, to care for people like us. like me. you're too soft. you're too...good. to be here." his voice cracks at the end, but his words are sharp as he speaks.

you stand and face him. his breathing is heavy, his hands shaking at his sides.

"im no better than you." your answer is simple, but it gets him to look you in the eye.

"why do you stay?" he is quieter now, like what he said before drained him.

you reach out and grab his gloved hand. he doesn't protest, but he winces. you squeeze his hand twice for reassurance, and you feel his hand untense slightly.

"because i want to." he looks to your hand touching his.

"why are you touching me?" he asks shakily.

"because i want to." you rub his hand with your thumb, feeling the roughness of his palm and the soft material of the glove.

"you aren't afraid?" he asks, his sanguine eyes blown wide from the contact. its not a new thing for you to touch him, but you don't do it often. usually only to path him up, or shove him playfully. never this...intimately.

you bring yourself closer to him and brush a strand of his soft hair out of his face. he shivers at the contact and clenches his jaw.

"are you?" you ask, and he scoffs.

"it feels like slow torture." he answers, and you're close enough to feel his breath on you.

"why's that?" you look up at him, your voice low, as if you're keeping a secret.

"because i know it's gonna end." he admits. your eyebrows raise, and you lock eyes.

"it doesn't have to, tomura." the sound of you saying his name makes him swallow hard.

"don't. don't say things like that, it pisses me off, i know it's a lie, i know you'll leave eventually and i don't want to deal with that." he pleads, his hand shaking in yours. you shake your head.

"i'm not leaving. i'm not afraid of you." you whisper now, but you release his hand and just hold your gaze on him.

"y/n. don't." he hushes, as if someone's watching. but the door is closed, everyone else is drinking and shouting still, too distracted with themselves to notice either of them are gone.

"i don't think you're a monster." you say, and it's enough for him to stop caring. his anger for you, his disdain for your stubbornness, his frustrations, all fizzle out into force, and he presses himself against you, his rough lips meet yours hastily, messily. he throws all of his preconceptions out the window as he grabs your face and kisses you. the tension that stood the few inches between you before, is swallowed up in the moment, and neither of you care. the air is heavy, your mind spinning. he tastes like sour apples and smoke, and suddenly it's all you can focus on. he smells subtly of the ocean, and you feel like you're drowning. you refuse to pull away, instead, you wrap your arms around the back of his neck and allow him to consume you. his kisses are hungry, desperate even, and uncoordinated. your teeth clash together and you laugh, but he still doesn't pull away. his hands move down to wrap around your waist, his fingers trailing down your sides and grabbing and tugging whatever he can.

finally, you both pull away for a breath, and you meet his eyes. they're wide, unsure. he opens his mouth to speak, but can't find the words, so you answer his unasked question before he finds the words.

"I'm not leaving still. if that wasn't confirmation enough, we can do that again, if you aren't sure" you smile as you say it, and he nods.

"i might need to double check" he smirks, and you allow him to pull you back in, smiling to yourself as his lips plant back onto yours.

if this is how it feels to be sick, tomura never wants to recover.

‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ - - ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵

my first one-shot! be nice i lowkey suck at proof reading :3 but anyways ye enjoy some soft angsty tomu and reader, and lmk if yall want either MORE of this or others!

also im working on a full-blown fic!

i won't go into detail, but its online to irl, slow burn, kinda not enemies but two angry ppl to lovers, and its obv shiggy x reader. :) ill prob post at least snippets here, and prob on my ao3 once i have a few chapters ready to go. so stay tuned!!

thanks yall <3

#shigaraki x reader #tomura shigaraki #mha shigaraki #shigaraki headcanons #bnha #mha #my hero academia #tomura x reader #tenko shimura #shigaraki smut #shigaraki oneshot #shigaraki x reader oneshot #myposts #myoneshots

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mysouleaten · 8 months ago

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WHY YOU!? NOT ME!?

PLATONIC! takemichi x teen! reader

summary... takemichi thought the letter from the philippines was from manjiro sano but instead of him it was his daughter..

warnings... angst, hurt/no comfort, death, manila timeline, name is jealous of takemichi, mentions of blood, guns, mention of child neglect, teen!reader

an... this is my first time writing angst so bear with me! lol

takemichi stood in front of the broken and abandoned building

he lets out a shaky breath and ventures into the building with one goal in mind to find mikey

takemichi hoped over a crumbled ledge 'this will be the first time ill see mikey's future self!'

he then took the broken stairs that had metal rods poking out from the bottom and littered trash on top, 'I wonder how he turned out? maybe he hasn't changed..'

takemichi pants from all this climbing and walking he had to do, he rubbed his sweat away from his forehead "these ruins are huge!"

'... when I meet him.. what will I even say..?'

takemichi didn't even realize how this meeting would be a huge mistake for him in the near future...

"takemichi?.."

takemichi whipped his head around to the sound of his name being called

mikey- ..no someone else was sitting on a large scrap pile, looking at him with a sad smile on their lips

"mikey?" takemichi asked hesitantly

the teen[!?] in front of him gave out a light laugh, yeah.. that wasn't mikey, whoever this was, looked, like mikey but much more feminine. she shared the same empty dark eyes and had somewhat of the same facial features as mikey..

"are you.. takemitchy hanagaki..?" she tilted her head to the side and spoke with a soft-spoken voice, ..he almost missed it

he swallowed the saliva that had built up in his mouth and answered "yes..that's me- but..uh its 'takemichi' "

her frown turned back into that light smile "really? dad always calls you 'takemitchy' "

takemichi's eyebrows raise in shock "dad?"

she hummed "yeah.. manjiro ..manjiro sano?"

takemichi started to tear up and quickly rubbed them away with his wrist, he didn't want to cry in front of mikey's kid.. ugh why was he so emotional from seeing her?... was it because she looked a lot like him..?

she rested her cheek against the palm of her hand and kept that same soft smile "huh, you really are the crybaby that my father described, haha"

the way she had said it wasn't one of mockery but admiration

"don't worry, me and you share that-- being a lot more sensitive, I would always cry over little things too" she mentioned

takemichi blicked a couple of times--almost cartoony-like-- and he lightly chucked at that fact

but her light smile that held warmth faded away into a frown much like mikey's.. they just looked so alike..

" I brought you here to stop my dad from getting you to do him a 'favor' " she spoke in a gloomy tone

"a- a favor?" takemichi questioned

she didn't elaborate on this 'favor' she got up and stood upon the scrap pile-- the light from above shown down onto her and a jingle from her red and black hanafuda earrings that he only now noticed

"my dad is still in japan, with my uncle.. I was the one who wrote you that letter to get you to come here"

"huh?! why? what wa-" takemichi was stumbling over his words and failed to notice how the younger sano had made her way right in front of him with a heavy frown

she stood tall in front of him with her hands in the pockets of her black pants, she gave him a nasty glare

from this glare alone takemichi shivered, the younger sano glared at him like he had done a horrible sin

takemichi wanted to shout, he wanted his answers answered! he wanted to know if mikey really killed mitsuya! he wanted to know why he-!

the younger sano grabbed a fist full of the front of his shirt and slammed him down onto the dirt below, crouching over him, with her knee slammed into his stomach he wheezed from the air getting knocked out of him so harshly. takemichi guessed that [he doesn't even know mikey's kid's name..] strength was mikeys genes passed down to this sano... damn! that hurt.. !!

takemichi finally comprehends that a gun has been shoved against his cheek in a threatening matter

"WHY ARE YOU ACTING SO- SO OBLIVIOUS!? LIKE YOU AREN'T THE PROBLEM!??" she yelled in his face, this was a complete one-eighty of her personality

takemichi's eyes filled up with tears and he looked away from her and saw a gun lying in reach

she looked towards the direction of the gun before looking back at him and digging the gun farther into his face-- he winces at this

"you gonna kill me? grab that gun and shoot me before I blow your damn brains out" the sanos voice lowered

takemichi didn't even realize he had his eyes shut tight before he opened them. the feeling of droplets falling onto his face

he looked up into the dark eyes of the younger sano, they were filled with so many tears, and more fell onto his face

"you- you.." she hiccuped "why the hell ..does my dad have so much admiration for you..?"

"huh? why are you so.. special to him!?" she shoved the gun harsher into his cheek

"why- why.. couldn't he look at me like that?.. why does he hold more love for you! then me!!" she blurted out "what did you do for him? huh!? you- you left him!.. you-I.."

takemichi couldn't say anything to the crying teen above him, those empty eyes showed the broken sadness within

"please lets.. lets ta-"

BANG

BANG!

BANG!!

the younger sano fell over when blood had splattered onto takemichi's face

the gun falling out of her hands

"are you ok!?? takemichi!!? did mikey hurt you?!" naoto yelled while holding his own hands on his gun

takemichi looked over at him with shock and then whipped his head to the side to see the younger sanos body on her side with three defined bullet holes, blood soaking her white sweater

"sano!!" takemichi screamed as he leaped to hold up her body from the dirty ground, "takemich! don't go near..him..?"

naoto paused from running to takemichi and looked at the person who takemichi was trying to stop the blood from escaping their body

naoto's heart dropped at the sight of...a teen.. in takemichi's arms. naoto then had looked down at the gun that he assumed manjiro sano was holding... the lock safety was active..

naoto felt sick..and dizzy..

"sano! sano!!" takemichi screamed, holding the younger sanos cooling body.. he looked at his blood-soaked hands and clutched the sano's body close while screaming with agony

she violently coughed up blood that is filling her throat "t-takemitchy..? can..can I call you that..?"

"yes, yes..sure! sano..oh my god.." takemichi cried, his hot tears spilling from his eyes, rolling down his cheeks and onto the younger sanos forehead

takemichi shakenly brushed away the tears from her forehead, smudging blood into her hair in the process

"e-everything is going to be o-ok! sano-"

"[name].. that's m-my name.. please c-call me that.." she coughed

takemichi finally got to find out mikey's daughter's name... he just wished it was in a better circumstances..

"okay.. [name]- im so..so sorry..I can't- I can't stop the blood..!"

she gave out a quiet laugh "why ..are you so w-worried about me..?"

takemichi couldn't answer that...

"the..'favor' m-my dad want..ed from you.. was to kill him" [name] shakenly explained

takemich's breath hitched, "he.. killed- cough! - all the old..members of t-toman.. he w-wanted it all to 'end' .. he was going to leave me...takemitchy.. I didn't want.. him to leave me.. I-I.."

she coughed again making her body shake in pain in his hands

"shhhh..shh.." takemichi cradled the crying sano in his arms, rocking her gently back and forth

"I-I thought.. if..if I could kill you you would..n't be able to k-kill my dad! and m-maybe..maybe he would focus a-all his attention on me!.. and-and.."

"shhh.. it's ok.. it's ok.." takemichi whispered and hugged her body closer resting his cheek on the top of her head still rocking her gently back and forth

she used her last strength to clutch the front of takemichi's shirt for comfort before sobbing, hiccuping, and coughing blood onto him

"takemitchy..your hand is.. so warm...."

"[name]?? [name].. please.. answer me" takemichi sobbed

taglist ... @kokoch4n3l

:D soooo...? uh how was that? did I do a good job at writing angst? ngl this DRAINED me to write lol, maybe ill just stick to fluff

anyway did you guys catch any easter eggs in my story? ig their kinda of like parallels ??? i dunno how to name them..

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cosmic-ghost-hermit · 8 months ago

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Take what resonates and leave behind anything that doesn't. Always be open to new perspectives, homies. 🖤🩶🤍

PILE 1 (Anubis)

Deity: Anubis

Crystal: Black Tourmaline

Astrology: Taurus ♉️, Scoprio ♏️, Leo ♌️, Aquarius ♒️

Anubis calls to you, pile 1. His message is telling this pile that people-pleasing isn’t going to make people who have already decided that they don’t like you, like you. You could be the sweetest, most ripe and deliciously sweet mango. Some people just don't like mangos or are allergic. You cannot force everyone to like you. You cannot manipulate them out of their pre-made decision. I know it hurts to be rejected, especially if you have ADHD and experience RSD because of that condition. Put your headphones on to drown their voice out. Their opinion of you does not matter in the long run. Their opinion does not make you bad. Their opinion does not reflect an accurate description of who you are. Let them be a hater. No one can take away your halo. Anubis asks you to turn your attention to more important matters than what people think of you.

⛓️🪓🔪🧱📸🧰🍕🧯🚢🥁🎸❤️‍🔥🖤🎯🎳🏓🕷️🥊🍿🥤🥩🕳️🦨🌶️🌹🔥🐞⚔️🌡️⛑️🚨💣👺

PILE 2 (Loki)

Deity: Loki

Crystal: Moldavite/Agate Geode

Astrology: Gemini ♊️, Virgo ♍️, Sagittarius ♐️, Pisces ♓️

Loki calls to you, pile 2. They are telling me you are an absolute bad bitch. You are kicking ass and taking names fr fr. Loki wants you to know they recognize how much work you have done. They are saying you don’t really see yourself clearly. Your self-esteem is pretty low. Look at what you have done so far. If it were anyone else wouldn’t you be proud of them? They want to appreciate all that you have accomplished. You are strong, you are beautiful, you are healing. Be proud of yourself. They also tell me that you have no need to worry about what might happen but are also letting you know there are more lessons on their way to you. You are almost done with the cycle and Loki is protecting you as you complete it. They are saying the finish line is almost upon you! Follow your intuition. Trust yourself. Trust the divine. Allow change to flow inward. You are gonna continue to be a badass bitch. 💚

🪖🧑🏽‍🎤🐸🪲🦜🐉🐲🎋🎍🥬🥑🫑🍡🧃🍵🪀🏄🏽‍♂️📟🔋🔫🪛🧪🦠✅♻️🈯️

PILE 3 (Hekate)

Deity: Hekate

Crystal: Dalmatian Jasper

Astrology: Aries ♈️, Cancer ♋️, Libra ♎️, Capricorn ♑️

Hekate sings to you, pile 3. She is telling me you have recently discovered a divine ability. It is a massive change of perspective honestly. It explained a lot of unanswerable questions you have experienced in life. You are learning to wield this ability and use it to benefit you. It is an inherented ability passed down from generation to generation. Hekate is telling me that your next step in learning how to use this skill is processing emotional trauma or physical trauma. She wants you to know she understands that pain for what happened is not something you can “get over” but she is instructing you to process that pain. To sit with it and understand it better. She knows how hard that can be. She will be with you in this transitional period. Healing is necessary if you wish to use this ability to its greatest potential. Before you go diving straight into the pain though. Hekate asks that you go slow. Do not use this ability too often until you have done the healing you need to do. It could be damaging to your connections if you use it before mending your wounds.

💜☯️🗝️🔭🔮🔌📞💻🎥🎆🍆☔️🪻🐾😈👾👽🕶️🦄🕸️🍇🪁🎮🛞📱🖤

#Loki #Anubis #Hekate #Hecate #tarot #astrology #tarot reading #pick a crystal #pick a pile #crystals #tarot pick a card #pick a card #dalmation jasper #moldavite #agate #black tourmaline

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thesensteawitch · 1 year ago

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The Remaining 2023 Vibe Check!🌲❄️⚡

What's coming for you?

🍂Pick A Pile Reading🍂

(Left to Right--- Pile 1, Pile 2, Pile 3)

Hello, Senstea Souls!🍁

Thank you everyone for staying and waiting for my next blog. I promise I won't make you wait for a whole week. I was busy taking care of my health. Thanks for your patience, beautiful souls🩷.

This reading is about the rest of your 2023. It's a collective reading. Take a deep breath and read🌻.

Pile 1

The emperor, the chariot, ace of wands, the hierophant, page of swords, 2 of swords.

Hello, my dear pile 1. Firstly I want to ask how have you been. I see that something quite challenging for you (but you were okay with it) came to an end. Maybe your human side was okay with it but not your soul. The mind kept finding a rational reason for your pain. But being in that certain situation/job/relationship you had to pay a price. It cost you your peace. Whatever happened did not happen for no reason. It happened to teach you something. Now you must be thinking, “Well, isn't it obvious?” Yeah, but darling you forgot that there are thorns on the way to the garden of roses.

Currently, you aren't able to get a closure and you won't be able to for some time. But as the year approaches its end your eyes will be opened. Some of you may experience your 3rd eye-opening. You will see the divine reason for why something ended so abruptly when you weren't ready. Or why anything even happens in this world? You'll gain some clarity regarding the purpose of your existence, your destiny, and who you truly are. Some of you may develop some strong philosophical views. Just know one thing pile 1 that what happened has ignited a spark within your soul. The light within you will burn again which was diminished months or in fact years ago. Currently, you are confused. Some of you are being rigid. I see polarities. Sometimes you will think too rationally and brutally. Sometimes you'll become philosophical. But in the end, you'll find your balance. And will finally carry your wounds as the mark of your wisdom. Your wounds will become a roadmap to your destiny.

I hear, “Blindsided, addicted. Thought we could really do this but really I was foolish...Young people fall in love with the wrong people sometimes. Some mistakes get made that's all right that's okay, in the end, it's better for me that's the moral of the story babe.” For some of you, it's related to someone and for some, it's about something very dear to you.

Only you can come out of the mental war you are going through. Only you can remove the blindfold and finally see the things as they truly are. Get out of your head! Seriously! Our mind can only go so far. It repeats the narratives it has seen. Truth comes from the divine. Surrender. Surrender to the divine/God/source/universe or whatever power you believe in. Writing down your emotions will definitely help you. You need to ground yourself. Start with grounding and soon you'll find your answers. You can just sit on the grass or walk barefoot on the grass. It will tremendously help you within a few minutes. I am not kidding. I do it. It will help balance your root chakra. You will find some stability.

Start planning how you truly want your life to be. It will help you in giving a vision. Because I see that all you need is an answer, a closure, a truth about life. If you do what I said then by the end of this year you'll finally be able to move forward with all bitter-sweet moments. You will have control of your life and not someone or something else has control over your life. Let nobody control you. Be it your mind, a desire, or a person. I also see that some of you are afraid to dream big. First dream like crazy and then make a plan. See how you can achieve whatever you want to achieve. And how can you be authentic in what you want to have in your life? Then make a plan and believe that it can happen to you. Remember the great examples in our history. If they can so can you. But don't end up comparing a fish to a monkey, you know what I mean right? You will be realising your worth by the end of 2023. You'll get the clarity that you are not able to get until now.

You need both magic and practicality. Remember to write 10 things about you that you know are wonderful. Also, forgive others and most importantly forgive yourself. Release the grudges and the negativity will be released. YOU ARE DIVINELY PROTECTED NO MATTER IF YOU BELIEVE IN ANGELS OR NOT. I also hear, “I don't know how to feel but I wanna try. I don't know how to feel but someday I might.” Oh God, you guys! Just watch BARBIE. And observe Ken. You'll learn a lot from him. Please do watch Barbie. And if you already have then watch again you might notice something that you didn't before. God bless you, pile 1. I also see a power struggle. You don't feel powerful. But you soon will. All this is happening to bring your power back.

If you want me to tap into YOUR ENERGY and give you specific details then do book a YEAR END READING with me. Just drop a message in my Tumblr inbox. (ONLY @ $11!)

Pile 2

King of pentacles, ace of wands, 10 of swords, knight of swords, 6 of wands, 5 of wands

Wow! My dear pile 2. First of all good job. I am so proud of you that you have finally decided something your guides have been whispering to you. Maybe life forced you to take a stand or you contemplated a lot. But one thing is clear you realised that the situation you were in was not favorable for you. You thought it would turn out to be something amazing but it did not. It definitely broke your heart. Currently, I see that you are trying to show strength in the face of adversity. It's good. You should keep doing that. But let me tell you my dear pile 2 that whatever tough situation you're in it's coming to an end. Very very soon. In a month you'll see yourself coming out of it. Finally, you are trying to stand up for yourself and your values. For once, you will not need anyone else's permission or approval. Beautiful! I see financial upgradation is definitely coming up for you. All the mental struggle and health struggle is coming to an end!!!!! Some of you can somewhat feel it. You may not have achieved your goal and you surely are not at the destination. But definitely, some progress is being made. Something has shifted. You're not in between. You're almost there. What you do in these coming weeks will define your years to come. Believe me when I say this. You know your goal, your destination. You're not naive. You're not unaware. You just fall into the temptations of instant gratification. And I see it all happens due to ‘what ifs’. New ideas will be coming to you. Soon you will be seeing competition as cooperation. People will praise your ideas and your work. And it will be huge! As you have just stood up from the ashes, it's still all over your body so the nostalgia might hit you. I hear the song, “What a time”. I feel this year has taught you a lot. But now you finally see your goal. You've made all the wrong decisions so now there's only the right way. What I mean by this is that you have exhausted all your options. Now there's only one way. Follow your destiny. You have been on the wrong roads so many times but the good thing is that you've learned. You have grown.

“We both have demons that we can't stand. Maybe you're seeking an honest man.” I feel that for some of you, your relationship played a huge role in your transformation. I also hear, “There may be lovers who hold out their hands but they will never love you like I can,” you knew how to give pile 2. You are a giver. Some of you may even be healers.

Now you're on your own. You always have been. But now you're not in a toxic cycle of codependency. And if some of you are still struggling with codependency then know soon it will be over. I hear December will be an abundant month for you. You are going to be the warmth that people would need in the cold winters. Some of you are so creative. I also hear, “I had the best time falling into love...” and now I feel you are choosing to stay single for some time. I feel it's good for you. Your soul needs this. I also see that some of you feel that you don't have enough knowledge about something but I see you do. Don't compare yourself to anybody online. There will always be someone better. But you don't need to fall for this trap of being above everyone else. You will finally take in the essence of understanding that the human race is dependent on each other and it helps each other directly or indirectly in each individual's growth. For the remaining months of 2023, your eyes will be on your vision. Nothing else! I literally am enjoying reading this pile. My heart is jumping. You are going to be blessed and divinely protected. I also sense that you always have been protected by the divine.

Aahh pile 2 I also see that this coming eclipse is going to play a major role in your life. It will bring a powerful change. This change is going to put you on your destined path. A new beginning is coming. If you guys have been wishing for something then know that it can come true. Please let go of your fear around finances. It's creating a blockage. I think you will be able to do that soon. Still, let me guide you on how to do it. You need to believe that you can have all the luxuries of the world. Keep doing things with your heart. Put a part of your soul in the work that you do and you will see financial abundance following you. Create things with pain, pleasure, purity, and peace. Keep the balance. Virtue lies in the middle. YOU GUYS ARE FOLLOWING YOUR DESTINY. Please keep going and not even for a moment lose hope. Focus on RELEASING the negativity and not listening to it. God bless you, pile 2! I am so so so happy for you. The external growth does depend on you and it is yet to come but I can't help but be proud of the internal growth that has happened to you and still, there's potential for more growth. Wow! The road is finally clear for you. It's your time to shine. Congratulations! Let me know what happens.

If you want me to tap into YOUR ENERGY and give you specific details then do book a YEAR END READING with me. Just drop a message in my Tumblr inbox. (ONLY @ $11!)

Pile 3

Two of wands, the emperor, two of pentacles, king of pentacles, queen of pentacles, the empress

Hello, my dear pile 3. It took me time to pull out your Oracle cards. Now I see why. So tell me why are you not taking action? I mean I see that when you are about to there's a part of you that makes you feel that you aren't ready. But guess what? You'll never be ready. No one is ready to start something. Knowing something you're planning to start is important but there's no end to learning. Then when will you be really ready if you measure your worth like that? You are afraid to execute your plan. For a long time, you have been planning and plotting but when it comes to taking action there's a huge resistance. If you are afraid that you won't be able to achieve your goals then let me tell you pile 3 that huge abundance is waiting for you to taste it. I can sense your soul suffering but this rigid mind and reasoning of yours has kept you in one place for so long.

The universe is going to put you off balance no matter how strong are the walls around you. Something is going to put you off balance and I am not saying this to instill fear in you. No concrete remains in front of God's will. Huge abundance waits for you. It's you who is coming in your way. So what if you're going to hit your goal in 6 months or a year? At least start or you'll never get closer to your dreams. Pile 3 do not even think of giving up! You do have a long way to go but to reach somewhere you need to leave a certain place and situation. By all means, explore. And who said that only the destination is supposed to be beautiful? It's the journey that matters. You are going to meet some really amazing people who will be helping you with your plan. Somebody is definitely going to help you soon.

When you're finally ready to overcome this resistance you will feel like your life is a mess. Believe me, this chaos will bring order. Currently, I see that your life is stagnant. I hear you saying to your resistance, “I like me better when I am with you.” It's so difficult to change your mindset pile 3. Stop weighing the outcomes rather than start creating. You have the capability to create a wonderful life for yourself. It's in your cards I am not saying this casually. Not all lessons are learned through books some are learned by experiencing the real world. The only way to fight any kind of resistance is to do the thing it is stopping you from doing. In the coming few weeks life is going to break something on you so that you have no choice but to move forward through the chaos that you are afraid to face. Believe me, pile 3 your life is going to turn out to be so beautiful. You'll love it. You might see a glimpse of it in December if you win over your fears.

Everything is concrete around you there's no oxygen and you have no pulse. It seems you have stopped watering your garden. No trees, no water? No oxygen! YOU HAVE THE KEY TO UNLOCK THE NEW OPPORTUNITIES. The vision you have is the key to your growth. Please don't be in your head all the time. In the times of challenges that you might face ahead please be playful. Don't be so serious all the time pile 3. Laugh a little. Let the day take you. You don't need to keep planning. Take breaks. Take rest. But do not be afraid to put in effort for your dreams. These coming months you'll be learning something that very few people know or take interest in. That's how you'll be able to create financial abundance. Knowledge will be served to you. If you feel lack in any aspect then the holes will be filled in by the universe. But first, you must take action. “The more that you say the less I know. Wherever you stray I follow. I am begging for you to take my hands and wreck my plans that's my man.” The universe is literally coming through and saying to take a leap of faith. Take its hands and wreck its plan of bringing turbulence into your life. “Know that my train can take you home anywhere else is hollow.” Home doesn't hamper your growth. Comfort does.

If you want me to tap into YOUR ENERGY and give you specific details then do book a YEAR END READING with me. Just drop a message in my Tumblr inbox. (ONLY @ $11!)

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#pick a pile reading #pick a pile #tarot readings #vibe check #tarot cards #free tarot #free readings #tarot reader #tarotblr #message for the collective #tarot #prediction #pac reading #pick a picture

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jjkamochoso · 6 months ago

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The Perfect Fit

Story Overview: Levi Ackerman begrudgingly finds himself falling in love with the Survey Corps’ seamstress. Will they be able to own up to their feelings for each other? Or is their love doomed to fail before they discover the truths of each other’s hearts? This slow burn reader insert story will be filled with angst, yearning, and a bit of mystery as we slowly unravel the truths behind Y/N’s past… and explore her and Levi’s future!

Chapter 10

Series Masterlist

Chapter 9 linked here

Chapter 11 linked here

Levi Ackerman x female reader

Warnings: cussing, suggestive jokes

The first two weeks of Levi’s healing went okay, him finally being resigned to the fact that he needed to rest after breaking ribs. He threw himself into the mountains of paperwork that had piled up because, in his words, “I can’t sit around scratching my ass while everyone else works.” Meanwhile, you were busy suturing up all of the uniforms that got ruined from the last expedition. The confession you two shared nights ago stayed nestled in the back of your mind as you went through the motions of work. You felt like a weight had been lifted from your chest and your tongue was no longer heavy with feelings unspoken. Levi now knew how deeply you cared for him and, better yet, didn’t run from his emotions as they were conveyed in his own manner.

By week 4, Levi had enough of not doing physical work. His sour mood permeated every room he moped into, cadets practically tripping over their feet to stay out of his way and spare themselves from the venom waiting to spill from his mouth. His patience was thinner than usual and he found himself snapping at everything and everyone. Even you weren’t spared of his foulness.

“Look, Levi, I’m just trying to help,” you had said one morning after he had struggled bending over to tie his shoe. You’d leaned down to tie the laces but he swatted you away, scowling.

“I’m not a damn baby. Leave me alone and get back to work.”

You gave him an unimpressed look. “You’re my captain but you’re not gonna boss me around like that.”

That irritated him further. “Listen, Sergeant. When I tell you to do something, you do it. Am I clear?”

You narrowed your eyes. “All due respect, Captain, but you taking your anger out on people for something they didn’t do isn’t nice. It sucks getting hurt, trust me, I know, but it’s not permanent.”

Levi didn’t respond. You could tell he was seething and you weren’t sure if it was from your blatant lack of respect for his authority or because you were right. Probably a mix of both.

“What do you know about what I’m going through? All you do is sit in here all day sewing. I have an important job that I have to get back to. People are relying on me.”

Levi’s finger was pointed toward you accusingly and you wished you had enough courage to snap it off his hand.

“I thought we were past the petty insults, Levi. You don’t need to be a jerk to me because of your inner turmoil or whatever. You’re right, I don’t give my heart and life like the other Scouts do, and I’m sorry for that. I don’t know what it’s like to see comrades die and maybe feel like it’s my fault. But my job is important in its own way, too, and I know you know that.”

You could see that your words made an impact because Levi’s expression changed from one of dismay to something that leaned more toward despair. You were right, of course—Levi had gone too far. He had been ridiculously upset at his own shortcomings when he went to the dining hall and saw all of the missing faces from the last expedition. Every time a soldier dies, he feels like a piece of himself dies with them. Sure, it was their duty to give it all for the sake of others, and he has no regrets about any of the choices he makes as a leader, but that sure as hell didn’t make any of the losses hurt less. He internalized their deaths as his fuel to keep going. He needed to get back to training as quickly as possible so he could make sure there weren’t as many casualties the next mission and his injury was preventing him from doing so. Levi also couldn’t get the night from a few weeks ago out of his head. He knew it was the right thing to share with you how he felt about you, but he couldn’t help but think you’d change your mind about caring for him after seeing him so vulnerable and useless. He reverted into his old ways of pushing everyone away, but he should’ve known that you weren’t the type to give up easily, especially on people you cared about.

He couldn’t meet your gaze as he spoke. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“No, you shouldn’t have. But thanks for acknowledging it. Anyway, drop the shitty attitude. We’re going for a walk.”

You proceeded to exit the room but Levi stood in his previous spot.

“Did you break your legs, too? I said c’mon.” You motioned for him to come with you and he finally obliged. The walk outside was quiet, both of you unsure if the other wanted to talk. Levi’s eyes adjusted to the bright sun that warmed his body as he realized he hadn’t been in the open air the entire time he’d been injured. That was probably another reason why he was so grumpy. You, of course, had assumed this and decided he needed some time to rest outside and get Vitamin D in his system.

“Where are you taking me, brat?” he asked, trying his best to be annoyed but not finding it within him.

You gave him a sly smile and put your finger over your lips. “It’s a secret. You trust me, don’t you?”

He rolled his eyes. “Unfortunately. But if you’re taking me somewhere to put me down like a lame horse I ask you do it quickly.”

“Hey! Dead horse jokes hit a little too close to home still,” you said, playfully scoffing. “Besides, you won’t want to repeat that in front of our gracious hosts for the morning.”

He didn’t know what you meant until he realized you were at the stables.

“I checked with the doctor the other day and she said it was still too early for you to ride your horse but we can give these guys some snacks if you’re up for it.”

Levi usually hated coming to the stables since it was dirty and smelled nasty but he couldn’t deny how his heart raced at the idea that you went out of your way to do something to better his well-being, even after he treated you rudely. He didn’t answer you but found his way to his horse, the only black one in the Survey Corps. You took that as a sign he’d agreed with your suggestion and you internally high five’d yourself at making a good call. You left to find some fruits and vegetables for the animals. You were gone for a good 20 minutes, hoping Levi would enjoy his alone time. When you came back, you saw that you were right—the captain had his hand outstretched to his horse’s snout and was on the receiving end of unstoppable licks. He looked the most at ease than you had seen him in a while and the sight of him bonding with his horse melted your heart. You handed him a carrot to feed the steed but he refused.

“You should feed him. I know how lonely you are without your own horse and that could help.”

It was a short sentence but it hit your gut with a huge impact. Levi truly did care for you, even if he was bad at showing it sometimes. You appreciated the little gesture, putting the vegetable in your grasp and offering it to the hulking creature. He ate it gratefully and you found yourself snuggling into the horse as Levi’s hand stayed stroking its face.

“Horses are just so cute. I wanna give him a big smooch!” You leaned in and gave Levi’s horse a small peck, giggling at Levi’s shocked face.

“What? Are you jealous?” you asked.

“Tch. Are you stupid? That’s disgusting.”

“Me kissing the horse or the thought of me kissing you?”

Your teasing made the tips of his ears turn red as he huffed in annoyance.

“Use your brain and figure it out,” he grumbled, leaving to feed the other horses. Your laughter echoed throughout the stables, the horses stamping their feet and joining in the fun. After a few hours and the morning turned to afternoon, you could see that Levi was getting tired from his outing.

“I’m starving. Wanna grab some lunch?” you suggested as you heard Levi’s stomach grumble. When you walked into the dining hall, there was a commotion from your regular table.

“Oh hey, here comes the duo! We haven’t seen either of you around, we thought maybe you didn’t like us anymore,” Petra said, wearing a fake frown.

Oluo chimed in. “They’re together all the time now, so if they don’t like us, at least we know they like each other!”

A round of flirtatious sounding “ooh’s” were chorused and you saw Levi give him a death glare.

“You’re not familiar with that feeling, are you, Oluo?”

The whole table burst out in uncontrollable laughter as Oluo pouted and it was like old times again. You and Levi put down your filled trays and began to eat, listening to the funny stories being swapped by your friends. As you took a bite of bread, you felt some of your hair getting pulled and saw Levi plucking something out of it.

“You have hay in your hair, idiot.” He placed the stray piece on the side of his tray to dispose of later and you went back to eating. Little did you know, the whole table was trying to hide their shock at the loving gesture their captain brazenly displayed.

“Really? Right in front of my soup?” Gunther groaned while Petra punched him in the arm to be quiet. When the meal was finished, Levi took his leave while you stayed behind to catch up with your friends.

“So, hay in your hair, huh? Did you and the captain go for a romp in the stables?” snickered Oluo and you choked on your drink.

“Wha-what? Don’t be crass. I don’t know why you would think that,” you said, embarrassment creeping up your body. You were fine getting teased about anything other than your love life, or lack thereof. That topic flustered you to no end and Squad Levi picked up on that, fast.

“Hmm? So you didn’t ride the famed black stallion?” Eld smirked. You wanted to die then and there.

“Guys, stop. I didn’t-W-we don’t… that’s gross. We’re not like that. We’re just good friends, that’s all.” Your stammering spurred on more hoots and hollers as they ignored the substance of your words. Your chair scraped the floor as you stood and slammed your hands down on the table.

“Please knock it off!”

The whole dining hall went silent. You hadn’t meant to be that loud but you caught the attention of everyone in the room. Your friends looked at you with wide eyes, surprised at your outburst.

“We were just having fun, y/n, we didn’t mean to make you upset,” said Petra.

“We go too far sometimes. Sorry,” replied Gunther. The other guys nodded solemnly. You sat back down and put your head in your hands.

“Sorry guys. It’s not you… well, okay, it was you a little bit, but I’ve just had a day.”

“We’ve all been there, kid. Don’t worry about it.” Oluo placed a reassuring hand on your shoulder.

“Besides, there’s no one else we’d rather see our beloved captain with!”

“Petra!” you whined, seeing her smile, “we’re not together. I promise you that much.”

The group exchanged glances.

“Are you sure?” asked Gunther, “because I’ve never seen Levi be so gentle with anyone before.”

“Yeah,” Eld added, “you fooled us. I would’ve guessed you two were married by the way he acts around you.”

Their words were comforting. The connection you and Levi shared was something unseen before by any of his closest comrades which brought you a sense of peace that this really was something special.

“All I know is that Levi and I have a profound sense of trust in each other. I’m not sure how to describe it any better than that but I hope it’s enough for you guys to understand what I mean.”

Apparently it was a good enough description for your friends because they finally left you alone about it, opting instead to talk about a poor cadet who was left hanging upside down by their ODM gear for an hour during training. You kindly excused yourself from the conversation to clear your tray and head back to work. You felt a long arm wrap around your shoulders before you could leave the dining hall and you were met with Hange’s face millimeters from your own.

“Hay in your hair, huh?” They gasped before breaking out into a giddy smile. “Did you and Levi finally bang?!”

Only a few minutes after Levi entered his office, his door flew open, swinging wildly on its hinges, and there you stood, huffing angrily.

“I have to get out of this place for a few days. You up for that trip to the interior?”

Chapter 11

Taglist: @blueeclipsepaperstudent @raginginferno267 @come-away-with-me87

#levi ackerman x reader #levi x reader #levi ackerman #levi ackerman x you #levi ackerman x female reader #levi fluff #levi angst #levi aot #levi ackerman x reader angst #levi ackerman x reader fluff #captain levi

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frozenjokes · 2 months ago

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Penguins

TW: Grian has major depressive disorder and is going through a severe depressive episode. There are allusions to suicidal ideation, thoughts that are not explored in detail, but are present in this fic. No one is physically harmed, no one tries to harm anyone else, and the themes are mostly hopeful.

“Hey,” Scar waved as he ducked inside Grian’s apartment, a wreck as it was, but Grian didn’t care to clean up, “How are you holding up?”

“Hey,” Grian mumbled from his place on the couch, bundled up in six or seven different blankets. He didn’t entirely know how to answer that question, but Scar could probably assume not good since Grian had asked him to come over in the first place. They hadn’t seen each other since returning from the island, nearly a week now, but not from Scar’s lack of trying.. mostly. They probably both could have stood to try and speak to each other more. “I don’t know,” he decided, finally, “Depressed. But that’s normal. Maybe a little more depressed than average.”

“Hm. Want to go to the zoo?”

Grian snorted a short laugh, but shook his head, “I most definitely do not want to go to the zoo.”

“Darn. What about a hug?”

“I could use a hug.”

Grian tried to sit up, though he struggled within the confines of his self imposed prison, Scar helping him upright with a small chuckle and wrapping him in a hug given unconditionally to anyone that might need it. Grian closed his eyes. It didn’t have to matter that things were rocky between them, not right now. It didn’t have to matter because it didn’t matter to Scar, he would drop anything in an instant for anyone, but..

Grian wanted it to matter. He needed it to matter because he was so tired of this mattering, he didn’t want his world to be in so many pieces anymore, worsened by him and Scar continuing the stomp on the glass. He was too broken to go on like this.

“I don’t like the way things are between us right now.” Grian felt Scar tense around him, but pushed on through a choked up windpipe, “I was really confused about you. I like you, I like you so much, and I haven’t been able to stop, nor do I really want to. I know you feel.. it’s not that you don’t feel the same, you just feel those things differently, and I thought I knew what ‘differently’ meant, but I’ve realized I don’t really know anything at all. And I want to. I want to know.”

Scar was quiet for a long moment, the tension not leaving his arms, “I don’t know if I’m understanding. Could you be clearer?” The meek way he spoke was dizzying, and Grian was relieved he had someone to carry him.

“I want to know how you’d feel about dating. Don’t spare my feelings. Please. Just tell me how it is for you.”

“Okay,” Scar breathed, wavering, like the idea seized his heart just as completely as Grian was paralyzed under its weight. “I don’t mind it, dating. I like it, I do like it, but with you I’m afraid it might be just as stressful as whatever’s happening between us right now. Still, I don’t want to stop doing what we’re doing now. I know it’s bad for me. It’s bad for you. But I like you. I really like you, even when I’m angry at you. Even when it’s bad for me.”

“I don’t think I can carry on doing what we’re doing right now. I’m seriously.. I’m not in good shape, Scar. I’m really not in good shape. And it’s not just about you. It’s not even about Mumbo, my hand. Those things are there, piling up on the massive amount of- bullshit is the word I want to use, but that implies an emotional attachment I feel like I’ve lost the ability to feel. I’m exhausted. The weight of all my issues are latched to my ankles and the only way I can keep going is to just drag myself across the sidewalk by my fingernails. Who knows if I’ll make rent this month. I can’t afford not to care, but I’m too drained to get out of bed before 1:00. I haven’t left the house all week. I don’t-“ Grian’s voice cracked and he needed to stop talking.

Scar considered him for a long while. “I’m not so sure this is about dating.”

Grian didn’t know what to say. The words left him anyway. “I just want it to stop.” Scar stilled. Maybe he didn’t know what that meant, and Grian didn’t either.

“Let me help you with your rent this month, G. When is it due?”

Grian shook his head, he meant to do so violently, but instead he only jerked weakly into Scar’s shoulder, wretched when he spoke. “I already owe Jim money. I can’t- I can’t.” Scar didn’t know Jimmy, but that didn’t seem to matter.

“Are you still unemployed?”

“I don’t- Yes, but..”

“Then let me offer you a job. I’ll find a place for you, temporary or permanent if you like. Pearl and Impulse already love you, and everyone loves Pearl and Impy, the whole staff will take a shine to you, I promise. Hm. We don’t really have many fish besides the ones we feed the animals. Do you like penguins Grian? Oh you’d love the penguins, they’re like land fish if you squint and also don’t look at them at all. We have an underground area where you can see them swimming and hanging out and such, have you been down there before? Training can start tomorrow, we’ll log your hours in the meantime while I get you in the system.”

Grian didn’t want to. He really didn’t want to. There were about a thousand reasons he didn’t want to, but about a thousand more he couldn’t stand to fight this. Too tired. He was much, much too tired. So he didn’t say anything. Maybe that caused some concern in Scar.

“Why don’t we pack you a night bag? Something with a change of clothes for tomorrow that you can bring to my place, then in the morning we can drive together! We could have a classic sleepover, build pillow forts and read scary stories under the blankets. I could invite Bdubs! Cleo? I guess you don’t know either of them too well.. Pearl and Impulse? Any of your friends? I don’t have to know them, we could have a whole meet up!”

Grian wanted to cut in but couldn’t when Scar just kept talking, he wouldn’t stop, and Grian had to wait for him to burn himself out before he could say his peace.

“No. I can’t do that. I don’t want to see anyone. I can’t explain my hand and I can’t come up with an excuse. I don’t.. I can’t stay with you either.”

“Separate rooms, Grian, separate rooms,” Scar’s voice was yearning, the kind of energy that sucked the life right out of Grian’s lungs. It was that, the energy. Too much energy when he just wanted to be alone. Why had he called Scar again?

“No. I don’t want to stay with you.”

“Then I’ll stay here. I keep an extra uniform in the office, so it’s not super ideal, but I’ll just change at the zoo. We’ll keep it quiet, watch a movie if you want to, I’ll make you a nice dinner and we can eat together, yeah?”

“Scar,” Grian was wretched, the closest he’d come to crying after he thought he’d never have the energy to sob again, not that exhaustion the convulsions of his lungs and heart at the tattered breaths he couldn’t quite take completely, “I don’t want you here.”

He hadn’t meant the words harshly, only coming blunt with the absence of brainpower to reorganize them into something more civil, but Scar didn’t look necessarily like he took it personally. He just looked worried, concern continuing to crease the line of his brow at every passing moment.

“Someone else then, someone close to you. Someone who could stay the night, I could call them for you if you needed me to. Etho.. Etho mentioned you were saying some pretty bad things before we all got off the boat, I must’ve missed it with the trance thing but- I mean- I just don’t want you to be alone tonight, that’s all.”

And Grian understood. He understood maybe too late what Scar was worried about, mind too slow to call to mind the kind of dangerous trains of thought abysmally depressed people got up to in the quiet. He snorted, near silent, though the feeling was indignant. As if he had the energy. Grian closed his eyes, though this didn’t relieve the pervasive dry ache under his lids. When had this gotten so bad? What had he done wrong? It was better to think he’d done something wrong than to know he simply was wrong, that he could take his pills and meet his therapists and still it would not change the fact he walked his life on shifting sand, too petrified of falling to notice he’d already been sinking for months. And now, head below the grain, he finally noticed he couldn’t breathe, and the life-giving light of the sun could not reach him here, smothered below the surface. Funny, how it sneaks up on you like that. She’s a clever beast, depression.

“Stay, then,” Grian croaked, answering to the accusation that Scar had not spoken aloud, “If you need to, then stay.” He wriggled slightly in Scar’s arm’s which was enough to get him to release, Grian settling back into position on the couch. The all consuming need to be held had turned to some sick aversion, his misery of isolation flipping ruthlessly to misery he wouldn’t be left alone. Scar was left to sit beside him, though there was not enough room to fit comfortably with Grian laying across the whole couch. Scar looked away. Grian saw him fiddle with his hands.

“I hope you’re not upset with me. I’d be just as happy to leave if you’d rather someone else stay, or I could drive you someplace to stay with them.”

Grian shook his head. “It’s a shitshow.”

“What?”

“Me, sometimes. Most of the time.”

“Oh, no, I don’t think so!”

Grian snorted. “You don’t know.”

Scar was quiet for a long moment, green eyes dull in the low light, boring into the mangy carpet below. He looked up, meeting Grian’s much darker eyes with an emotion so intense that Grian’s own mind waned at the smallest attempt of feeling it. “I would like to.”

And maybe Grian believed him. It was a striking thing to believe him, when Grian often did not in the case of other friends and family repeating that same sentiment, no matter how genuine their intention. He struggled to believe them because he was depressed, that much was true, but his knowing these doubts were not rational did not stop Grian from having them.

They, most people that is, did not know the mess behind his eyes. The tar that coated the filing cabinets in his mind, his legs, his hands, until every movement was an inconvenience, every inconvenience a spark, every spark striking the dry tinder of his bitterness, building the ever growing flame of disorganized anger and frustration and erratic neuroticism that made him a deeply unpleasant person to exist around, and much worse to love. But Scar had seen it. Scar had seen it already, the ugly, obnoxious, hateful thing Grian was, impulsive and brash and mean, Scar had seen it, he’d been seeing it for months, stretching out his own hand, clawed and spiteful and equally vile, and he’d set a dance for the two of them, spinning and swinging and snapping and screeching until the both of their feet were raw, legs shaky, hearts broken, but more than broken, exhausted. Scar had seen Grian. Scar knew him, and it did not scare him, nor did Scar’s cruelties bother Grian. So Grian believed him, and while he was not pleased, he was resigned to how this night was going to go.

“Then.. I guess that’s fine with me.”

***

It was not glamorous, as all things with depression typically go.

The world blurred by whether he was inside or out, with people or not, resting or active, asleep or awake. The kind of sickness that did not ease regardless of the time spent on his phone, with his friends, in therapy, trying different medications.. all of those things felt a little like standing at the shoreline, the waves waxing and waning past your ankles, a feeling at the periferie of your mind. The same thing could be helpful one moment, the relief of cool water over your toes, then abysmally frustrating the next, happiness retreating back into the ocean, seemingly never to be seen again. Grian didn’t seem to be able to control these feelings either, whether an activity was good or bad was a surprise to him as much as it was to everyone else, and often flipped on a dime, usually for the worse. The arbitrary nature in it of itself was a cause of extreme frustration. (Grian thought he’d learned to accept this part of his chronic depression, but as with most things he had declared to accept for what they were, he was wrong.)

But some things did make it better, even if Grian was physically incapable of feeling much more than stress. Items which were going well for him he simply found reasons for them to be stressful, but in hindsight, he simply lacked the ability to see small miracles for what they were.

The zoo, as much as he loathed it most days, was good. Having a job, a reason to coax himself out of the house, that was good. Having money. Not a lot of money, barely enough, but enough to make rent. To pay Jimmy back. To chip in for gas occasionally, when his various friends would let him.

Grian did not have the energy to work a 40 hour week, he struggled even to work a feasible part time job, but Scar was so massively accommodating it hurt. Grian worked about four days a week, three or four hours a day, with some flexibility. There was just as much relief as there was misery in how clear it was that Scar did not need him at the zoo, but he tried to ignore it, compensating by doing the menial and/or tedious tasks most of the other staff would rather shell off to interns, which, by all accounts, Grian filled the role. He was not qualified or allowed to be in close contact with most of the animals, which didn’t bother him at all, and he was often shuffled off between Impulse and Pearl for various chores and housekeeping. He drove himself some days, but found himself to be too dangerous to trust on the road with others, and got some help from Jimmy and/or Joel with rides, as well as Scar and occasionally Pearl or Impulse if one of them happened to be heading out around the same time Grian was. It was odd and stressful relying on so many people like this, but affirmations helped, and the fact that Joel and Lizzie had flexible schedules due to their work as content creators helped even more. Grian still felt bad, but as Jimmy so aptly put one day, ‘You feel bad about everything, those are fake feelings, and you better tell those imposters to shove it before I climb in through your ears and give ‘em a piece of my mind.’ It didn’t stop Grian from feeling bad, but the looming threat of Jimmy sticking his fingers in Grian’s ears was enough to quell him most days.

Grian didn’t actually see Scar very much during the day. He seemed to disappear into thin air, only to be seen out of the corner of his eye in odd places like a Loch Ness monster level myth. Some days Grian missed him, longing for the company of someone sickeningly positive, who held enough energy to knock him clean off his feet. A lot of days Grian was glad for it, bitter and angry that he was here instead of home, that this wasn’t helping, that he was worse off as a zookeeper errand boy than napping at home. He was suspicious of Scar, feelings not his own but prevalent nonetheless, that Scar thought of himself as some kind of savior, that putting Grian to work was some kind of holy act, when in reality he was only drawing out Grian’s suffering.

But Scar was right about one thing, and this was something Grian could not deny or resent him for; it didn’t even trigger his benign paranoia.

Grian liked the penguins.

He wouldn’t say he avoided them week one, because while that would have been petty and extremely in character for him, his brain was too scrambled to even think about it. He’d forgotten Scar had even mentioned penguins until he ended up next to the building at the end of his work day mid-week two. It was hot, he was exhausted, but he was waiting on a ride, and while he would have sat outside regardless of his discomfort, the penguins were right there, and it had to be cool in there, right?

It was indeed, but not uncomfortably so. It was dark, and at 2:00 o’ clock on a weekday, the building was closer to empty than anything. It was quiet. Grian found himself wandering the building like a ghost, glancing at the various exhibits, then relieved to see the penguins had a large area to sit.

So he did. And he watched.

They were very cute. They were clumsy and uncoordinated, running into each other and falling over, and while they weren’t overly active, there were so many that there was always something to look at, or at least the threat of something about to happen, a penguin eying the water or another penguin squirming, settling. Grian found them easy to anthropomorphize, but just as the seeds of human-esc penguin drama were forming in his head, he got the call from Joel. Grian was not so enamored as to be disappointed he had to go, but with time that would change.

Grian could not tell them apart, but he did give them names. These names were assigned to whichever penguin he decided fit the role day by day; Turbo had a very high opinion of herself, always swimming and exiting the water with little care for whoever was in her way, Brittany and Sox were always together, huge gossips, just as obnoxious, Mayonnaise was the cool, mysterious type, he kept to himself, but the others were drawn to him regardless, and Max was a bit strange, but she had her friends, and they all got on well together. There were cliques too; Kickflip, Popcorn, and Baxter were always together, talking shit and ruling the ice under an iron wing, though most of the other penguins found them quite annoying, humoring them just enough to get them to leave the rest of the penguins alone. Poppy, Trippy, Slipknot, and Munch were living in their own world, no one else in their penguin habitar able to get them down except each other; there was a lot of relationship drama, everyone in that flock was a total mess.

In the middle of night, week five, Grian was struck wide awake by the desire to go see his penguins. The kind of thought that left you staring at the ceiling, gaping near drooling, shocked into stillness at the simple sentiment of wanting something. Grian hadn’t wanted anything other than to go home, sleep, and/or waste away for over a month, and he hadn’t anticipated that changing any time soon when getting out of bed was just as bleak and miserable as it was before. He nearly called Scar. He had to go see the penguins. Then the other apathetic 95% of him set in, along with the logical recognition that it was 2:30 AM, Scar was asleep, the penguins were asleep, he should be asleep, and also he didn’t want to do any of that shit anyway.

He did not go back to sleep.

Grian did not go to the zoo the next day either, mostly because he wasn’t working, which would have been entirely enough on a normal day; case closed, he didn’t have work so he wasn’t going to go to work, thank god, right?

This was the oddest part of depression; to see a spark of light and instinctively cover his eyes, to bury deeper under the sand, to smother himself when he forgot what it was like to breathe, because learning to do so again was more terrifying than continuing to waste. He was used to coaxing himself forward and hating every step. He wasn’t ready for it to be easier, mentally easier, but still so impossibly hard.

This was the worst part. Where he was no longer a miserable mind trapped in a dead body, but the same mind given the power to move, to act. Who might he hurt in the path of his own destruction? A mother? Student? Someone with potential, promise? Selfish, selfish. He considered hospitalization for the first time, if only for the benefit of the world rather than himself. Jimmy had suggested it weeks prior, but Grian had dismissed the thought, too exhausted to even consider checking his sorry ass into the hospital. But even now, all it would do was keep him safe, then he’d burn through his non-existent savings for the sole purpose of not dying, and what was the point of that? Hospitalization would not help him. It would not fix him, just like pills and therapy and going outside would not fix him. Even if it kept Grian’s condition from worsening it would not be worth it, and honestly, given the state of some hospitals, the dreary, hopeless misery that permeated the halls, it wasn’t out of the realm of possibility he’d leave worse than he came in. And who gave a fuck if he got worse? He would never be better, never, he would never be better, he would grapple with this monster his entire life, and was it really- seriously, was it really worth it?

“Hey, Grian, what’s up?”

Grian hadn’t remembered dialing Jimmy’s number. He didn’t even remember picking up his phone.

“Grian?”

“Can you take my keys?”

“What?”

“My car keys. Can you take them?”

Jimmy knew what it meant. He knew. “I’ll be over as soon as I can, I’m leaving now. Ten minutes, probably? How about we stay on the phone.”

Grian agreed, quietly. He did not have much of a choice, but he would not have hung up even if Jimmy had never suggested he stay. He was afraid. Afraid of getting better, spurred into wretchedness by glimpsing a spark of light in the all encompassing, sticky darkness. Pathetic, utterly.

***

He took Jimmy to see the penguins. He took Joel, then Joel again but this time with Lizzie, he made Pearl come see them and Impulse too, despite the fact they’d both seen the penguins hundreds of times. He wished he could take Mumbo. It was the first time he’d thought of Mumbo in weeks, months maybe. Time passed oddly.

The stories Grian had weaved about his penguins had become intricate sagas, no longer kept secret, shared with anyone who would listen to him ramble on and on. He started to recognize them in earnest, no longer guessing when assigning them their names, and every single penguin had a name now, they were all part of his story, vast and important.

Grian did not take Scar. Not out of malice or anything adjacent, Grian just rarely saw him during the work day, even when he started to work more hours. When Grian did see Scar, he was usually busy, caught up with wrestling bears or entertaining crowds or whatever else it was that he did. Scar was a little intimidating to approach during the day, and while Grian saw him after work plenty often (usually against his will, but Scar was the pushy type), he felt a little silly asking Scar to go back to the zoo with him, despite knowing Scar would be delighted to do so.

But eventually, when the penguin house was quiet and Grian was alone, Scar found him. If Grian was being honest with himself, he’d expected Scar to ruin the mood, loud and brash as he was, but Scar seemed to understand the atmosphere he’d established, silent as he walked up behind Grian, then sidled around the bench, sitting beside him. Grian was startled to see him, guilt prickling at the edges of his mind, but Scar’s smile was kind, the soft light of the exhibit catching his face flatteringly.

“I keep hearing about these penguins second hand!” he said, the exclamation persevered in a whisper, “I feel like I’ve been trying to catch you here for weeks, you just slip away!”

“I don’t visit unpredictably,” Grian snorted, amusing himself with the thought of banter, “At the end of my shift, every day. Don’t you make my schedule?”

“Just because a man writes your hours does not mean he goes and memorizes it! Pearl and Impulse do more work ordering you around than I do anyway, they have far more to say about when you come in.”

“I don’t see how this stops you from checking my schedule and finding out exactly when I’m here.”

“You think I have time for that?”

“If you have time to look for me with the penguins, yes, I do think you have time.”

Scar inclined his head back, nodding thoughtfully. “Yes, I guess that’s true. If you hate fun.”

“Irrelevant.” Grian pointed an accusatory finger, poorly hiding his own smirk, “This isn’t about fun, I might even argue this isn’t about wasting time either, I think you’re just lazy.”

“What are you, a lawyer?”

“But laziness doesn’t quite fit, does it. It would save you time to check my schedule, and ultimately it would save you trips to the penguins as well, checking to see if I’m here. Laziness might be a factor; you’d rather check the penguins than glance at my schedule, but I think something else is going on here..”

“Oh? Do tell.”

“I think..” Grian drew out the words, Scar leaning forward on his hands.

“Come on, G! I’m on the edge of my seat here!”

“I think you like penguins!” Grian stabbed his pointer finger into Scar’s chest, the other yelping in sharp surprise and throwing his hands up in defense.

“Well if that’s the case, I’d say you’re probably right! I do like penguins. I can’t say I like them as much as you do though, there are certain areas of animal enjoyment of which I can not compete. You, sir, are the penguin king.”

“Not true.” Grian corrected him, having some success keeping his straight face, “The penguins do not have a monarchy, they don’t even have leaders, no matter what The Iron Wings have to say about it. You can humor them, but it won’t stop you from getting pushed around, no sir.”

Scar sat back, arms crossed and relaxed. “Please, tell me more.”

“Those three,” Grian pointed to one corner of the enclosure, where three of the larger penguins were congregated, huddled together, “Kickflip. Popcorn. Baxter. Those are the guys you gotta look out for, they’d like very much to disrupt the peace of the metropolis. Establish an oligarchy, take control. Secretly, they’re all in a relationship together, but they can’t let word get out, because penguin polyamory isn’t a socially accepted form of love yet. It was a long road of acceptance to get to the point where they could all confess their feelings to each other, a lot of ups and downs and sick jealousy, but they’ve made it, and they’re happier than they’ve ever been. The politics are really important to those guys, so this is a really big deal to them, but they’ve kinda failed to realize no one else gives a fuck. Don’t tell them that though, they’d throw a real stink about it. More than anything, the three of them just want to be taken seriously. Unfortunately they’ve gone about it by being assholes. Everyone finds them really annoying, but saying so just leads to more trouble than it’s worth.”

“I see, I see,” Scar nodded, like the matter was one of grave importance, “What about the people? What part do they play in penguin society?”

“Oh, people? I don’t care about the people.”

“I would think they play a pivotal role in penguin life given they’re always watching. Feeding them, caring for them, you know.”

“Well sure, but who cares about people when you can think about the penguins. I’m here for the penguins. They like people because people feed them, but in the end, people are irrelevant. This is about each other.”

Scar chuckled, “If you say so.”

“I do say so.”

Scar sighed, a content kind of sound, one that lead nicely back to the comfy quiet of the penguin exhibit, dark and cool and safe. They watched in silence together, only broken occasionally by Scar asking a question, or Grian pointing out a certain behavior that contributed to the plot of his penguin soap opera. It was nice, surprisingly lower energy than the regaling of the penguin characters typically were to Grian’s other friends, but maybe that’s because Scar found him first, Scar was asking the questions, and there was no rush to keep his attention. A good thing, decidedly. Very good.

“How’ve you been feeling lately?” was a question that seemed to come out of nowhere, a question Grian liked much less. Maybe Scar noticed, because he followed up quickly, “You look well. Every time I see you I feel like you look a little better, and maybe it's not true- it doesn’t have to be true of course, I’ve just been glad for you.”

“I’m fine.” Grian answered a little more tersely than he’d meant to, but he didn’t correct himself. Scar’s face fell.

“You’re not well?”

Grian shrugged, struggling not to be frustrated. “I’m fine. Not good. Not bad. Just fine. Probably starting to level out to the normal feeling of mildly shitty all the time. Planned a small fishing thing with Gem, we’re going to be out all day Sunday. I’m looking forward to it. That’s a novelty.”

“Goodness,” Scar hissed, his frustration firing up Grian’s own anger, bristling until Scar continued on, “All the time? You feel shitty all the time? How many drugs are you on where you still feel shitty all the time, come on. Who’s your doctor? What are they doing, kicking their feet?”

Grian snorted despite himself. “You’d think so, wouldn’t you.”

“I do! This is crazy, isn’t it? How long has it been, nearly three months now? All that time of you being so sick, and nothing being done about it. That’s stupid!”

“That’s depression.”

“That’s stupid.”

“Yeah,” Grian drew in a long breath, releasing it without joy, “It’s pretty dumb. Psychiatrists don’t even know why the simplest drugs help some people and not others. It’s a mess. I try something for a few days, it doesn’t work, I try something else, suddenly I want to die more than I did before, they take me off that, put me on something else. Who knows if what I’m on now is even helping, or if that’s just time. Sometimes that’s how it feels. I have a mental health crisis, everyone in my life starts buzzing around like frightened bees, trying everything, only for time to be what brings me back to the surface. It’s not consistent either, no ‘Just hold on for three months and you’ll be good,’ it's just.. waiting. That’s depression. Why does it pass? Why does it happen in the first place? Who knows.”

“That- That feels- That is so dumb.”

“You’re preaching to the choir, dude.”

“I know,” Scar threw his hands over his eyes with a short hiss, like the failures of neuroscience and psychiatry had wronged him personally, “I’m sorry. All of this just.. I want things to be okay for you. I want you to stick around. I like when you’re around.”

Grian shrugged, unsure what he meant by the gesture even as he made it. “I guess I’m glad to hear it. I’m doing my best.”

“I appreciate that. I appreciate you.”

Grian snorted a small laugh, unsure how else to react. “You appreciate my valiant effort to not kill myself?”

“I- Yes!” Scar piped up, defensive in his confusion, or maybe alarmed by Grian’s bluntness, “And I don’t think that’s a terribly weird thing to say, either! I do appreciate you! I think you’ve been doing a very good job of it too!”

Grian laughed in earnest, shaking his head and speaking sarcastically, “I guess I have.”

“You have!” Scar lunged forward to grab Grian’s hands, both of them equally, like there wasn’t a thing wrong, like there was no part of Grian that Scar would prefer not to touch. The movement snapped Grian out of his dismal, left helplessly to stare into Scar’s wide eyes, colored blue in the low light of the penguin exhibit. “You have. And I’m glad you’re here. I’m really glad you’re here.”

Grian didn’t know what to do. What to say. Like a rubber band stretched too thin, something snapped at the back of his mind and he broke into a fit of sobs, collapsing into Scar’s arms. Ending just how he started, but not ending permanently.

It wasn’t nice, sobbing was never a nice feeling, but it didn’t have to be nice. Depression was not nice, but love could fight just as dirty, couldn’t it, catching and holding you and forcing you to see it clearly, look it in the eyes and understand that even packaged with the grime, your friends would miss you if you went away. They loved you and they were proud of you and they knew it wasn’t fair, but they saw that you kept going, even when it was hard, even when you were so afraid.

It wasn’t over. Grian was still so fragile, he knew little of how to navigate the world he’d been absent from for so long, but god, he was going to keep trying.

The penguins paid the two of them no mind. They were caught up in their own affairs.

#hermitcraft #hermitcraft fic #hermitfic #grian #gtws #goodtimeswithscar #honestly a lot of guys show up in this fic but not enough to tag them #desert duo #hermitshipping #scarian #mumbomaid au #tw: sui ideation #tw: suicidal ideation #tw: depressive thoughts #tw: depression

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