#there's bones for a really good story in there!

[aquaticmercy]

Portals

Summary : You teach Bucky how to open portals using a sling ring. Turns out, he’s a menace with that thing.

Pairing : Bucky Barnes x sorceress!reader (she/her)

Warnings/tags : Lots of fluff. Cursing. Implied sex if you squint. Wong is your bestie. Bucky loves you so much???

Word count : 2.1k

Note : I just keep making fics with superpowered! Reader lol. Enjoy!!!

You first met Bucky a few days after the Battle against Thanos.

You were among the Kamar-Taj sorcerers who had fought against then Mad Titan’s army, and now you found yourself volunteering in the makeshift infirmary set up in upstate New York. It had been running non-stop for three exhausting days, treating the wounded heroes and civilians alike.

Your job wasn’t glamorous, but it was important— mending smaller wounds—cuts, bruises, and the occasional fractured bone—with a bit of magic, leaving the more complex cases to professionals like Christine Palmer and Stephen Strange. Magic was powerful, but it had physical limitations. 

You were wiping your hands clean after finishing a quick healing spell when you spotted him.

Bucky Barnes was standing near the edge of the tent, his long hair brushing his shoulders, looking curiously around the room. Perhaps it reminded him of the infirmaries he was used to finding himself in, back in the 1940s. He wasn’t there for himself, but to accompany Sam Wilson, who was sitting on a cot while Christine examined a nasty gash on his arm, making sure it didn't get infected.

You weren’t sure what drew your attention to him. Maybe it was the way that he stood like he was always ready for battle. Maybe he was just… your type. Either way, you knew you wanted to talk to him.

Besides, you both have been through hell. Maybe a little lighthearted flirting could improve the mood. 

You nudged Strange, who was muttering something under his breath about a ruptured spleen.

“Psst,” you whispered, glancing toward the corner of the tent.

“What?” he grumbled without looking up, clearly a bit annoyed, but also a little amused. He had learned to anticipate your little antics. He would never admit it, but you did make life a little more interesting.

“Introduce me to him.” You tilted your head toward Bucky, trying to sound nonchalant.

Strange finally glanced up, following your line of sight. “Barnes?” His eyebrows rose in surprise, then furrowed. “I barely know him.”

“Do I look like I care?” you shot back, tilting your head in a silent plea. “Please?”

Strange sighed, the corner of his mouth twitching like he was fighting a smile. “Fine,” he said, closing the chart with an exaggerated snap. “but if this distracts you from stitching people back together, I’m putting you on night guard duty for the next week.”

“Thank you,” you shot back with a grin. He waved it off as walked with you toward Bucky.

When you reached him, Strange made the introduction short and sweet. “Barnes, this is our librarian. Apparently, she thinks now’s a good time to meet new people.” He glanced at you, “And she’s very persistent, so you’re stuck now.”

Bucky blinked, clearly surprised, before turning to you with a polite smile. “Hi.”

—

Your first date was a quiet dinner in New York. Your second was a walk through the city, where Bucky told you stories about Brooklyn in the 40s, and you told him how you found yourself studying magic. By the third date, he was making you laugh so hard you spilled iced coffee all over yourself. From then on, you knew you were in too deep.

It wasn’t long until you were sneaking Bucky into Kamar-Taj during your breaks, showing him small, inconsequential tricks with magic, and stealing kisses in the hidden alcoves of the library. 

He had an almost childlike wonder for sorcery, and you couldn’t help but enjoy the way his eyes lit up whenever you showed him something new.

It was romantic. It was thrilling. Until Wong caught the two of you kissing behind a row of ancient texts on chaos magic. 

“Really?” Wong said flatly, arms crossed as you and Bucky hastily pulled apart, “are you both sixteen again?”

“Please don’t tell Strange,” you blurted out, “or I’ll never hear the end of it.”

Wong raised an eyebrow. “I’ll consider it,” he replied.

Later, over tea, Wong brought it up again, his tone a bit more curious. “You’re not planning on quitting your job to go be an Avenger with Barnes, are you?” he asked, sipping his chai. “Because I am not taking over as head librarian again. That was the worst three months of my life.”

You snorted into your tea. “Relax, Wong,” you assured him with a laugh. “I actually like my job. You see, unlike some people, I can actually read.”

Wong didn’t even hesitate, flicking you lightly on the forehead with a spark of magic.

—

Being the librarian of Kamar-Taj meant that your schedule was, at best, unpredictable. One moment, you were cataloging ancient tomes; the next, you were stopping a novice from accidentally summoning a fire demon. Bucky understood your responsibilities, but as more magic users went rogue, you started sneaking him in less and less.

One day, when you laid awake in your bed with him on your side, he muttered something about stupid witches and goddamn evil sorcerers, cussing them out for taking you away from him. You could see how much he hated waiting for you to have free time.

So you came up with a brilliant plan. 

“You want me to learn magic?” Bucky’s skeptical voice echoed in the library as you handed him a sling ring.

“Just this one thing,” you said, wrapping your arms around him from behind. “So you can come to me instead of waiting for me to come to you.” 

He raised an eyebrow, half-expecting some trick. “What’s the catch?” 

“The catch,” you said, “is that you actually have to practice.”

It took him a while to get started, to a point where you weren’t sure if he’d even be able to do it at all. 

Sling rings required focus, visualisation, and precision— and Bucky wasn’t exactly used to magical tools. “Maybe I’m just more of a hit-stuff kinda guy,” he grumbled after his fourth failed attempt at opening a portal.

“Focus, babe,” you teased. “Picture where you want to go. Feel it.”

To his credit, he practiced religiously during his visits, and eventually, it clicked. The first time he successfully opened a portal to your exact location, he was so pleased with himself that he barely noticed that he had scared America Chavez in the process.

“Nailed it,” he said, beaming with pride.

What you hadn’t anticipated was how much he’d use it once he got the hang of it. 

The first time he surprised you, you were in the middle of shelving some ancient leather bound books. They held an ancient power, one that could destroy the world if it got into the wrong hands. 

Suddenly, A golden portal shimmered to life in front of you. You yelped as Bucky’s head poked through.

“Hey, doll,” he said casually, as if he hadn’t just scared you half to death.

“Bucky!” you hissed, clutching a fragile book to your chest. “This is a restricted section!”

“I just wanted to see where you’ve been all day,” he shrugged, stepping through the portal.

You glared at him, but the warmth in his eyes meant that you could never stay mad at him. “You’re going to get me in trouble,” you muttered.

He leaned down to press a quick kiss to your temple. “Worth it.”

It turned out, teaching Bucky how to use a sling ring was both the best and worst idea you’d ever had.

One evening, as you were nestled in your quarters, peacefully centering your mind after a long day when a soft whirl manifested behind you. Before you could open your eyes, a pair of strong arms wrapped snugly around your waist.

“Miss me?” Bucky purred in your ear.

You squeaked, nearly toppling the candle flickering in front of you. “James fucking Barnes!” you gasped, twisting to glare at him. Cursing wasn’t really approved in meditation circles, so you hoped none of the pacifist elder sorcerers heard you. 

“What?” he asked, smirking sheepishly.

“You can’t just portal in while I’m meditating!”

Your cheeks flared, but the way his arms stayed wrapped around you made it awfully hard to stay annoyed at him.

Then there was the shower incident.

You were mid-rinse, the hot spray of water melting away the stressful day— Wong had insisted on combat training today, and you had managed to knot every muscle in your upper body. You were blissfully lost in your own little world until you heard the whirl of a portal opening.

“Hey, doll—”

You shrieked, instinct taking over as you manifested a shield and threw the closest thing to you—a slippery bar of soap—and flung it blindly in the intruder’s direction. It landed with a wet thud on Bucky’s chest. 

He stood there, grinning casually, steam curling around him like a halo.

“BUCKY!” you yelled, yanking the shower curtain halfway closed. “What the fuck?!”

“I missed you,” he said, smiling as if he was the poster boy for innocence.

“Close it! Now!” you growled, pointing at the still-open portal as water dripped down your arms.

“Right,” he raised his hands, the portal vanished with a soft hum. He didn’t move from his spot. Instead, he tilted his head, giving you a slow once-over that made heat creep up your neck.

“Can I join you?” he asked, his voice low and teasing.

You sighed, caught between indignation and... oh, who were you kidding? The sight of your ridiculously gorgeous, super-soldier boyfriend standing there, all smug, was doing dangerous things to your resolve.

Might as well make the most of it, right? Who knows when he’ll get whisked off to a foreign land for a mission again? 

“…yes,” you murmured, barely audible over the pounding of your heartbeat and the cascade of water.

Bucky’s grin turned wicked. Without hesitation, he peeled off his clothes. His broad shoulders came into view, glistening faintly from the steam as he stepped into the shower with a satisfied smile.

One time, he even showed up in the library while Wong was painstakingly rifling through stacks of scrolls in search of a specific one about interdimensional wards.

Bucky had gotten so stealthy with his portals that neither of you noticed him at first—not until he appeared, leaning casually against the edge of a nearby shelf, sporting his usual broody, charming smile.

Wong was startled slightly, his hands freezing mid-air as he glanced at Bucky. Then at you. Then back at Bucky.

“I see you’ve taught him the sling ring,” Wong said dryly, the corners of his mouth twitching, suppressing an amused smile.

“I regret it every single day,” you muttered, glaring playfully at your boyfriend. Bucky, of course, was unfazed. He simply crossed his arms, waiting for you to give him more attention.

“Good to see you too, Wong,” Bucky replied, clearly enjoying causing a scene.

“Barnes,” Wong said, nodding in acknowledgment but already returning to his scrolls with a heavy sigh. The current sorcerer supreme muttered under his breath, “If he knocks over one shelf, you’re fixing it.”

Bucky only shrugged. “Do I look like someone who’d knock over a shelf?”

“Yes,” you and Wong replied in unison.

Tonight, though, the stress had gotten to you more than usual. Strange had shown up with a tentacle monster and tasked you with banishing it to the dark dimension. It took you four scrolls and two hours to get the right spell. 

All you wanted was Bucky—his arms around you, his kisses peppering your face. But as the hours ticked by, your heart sank. He hadn’t shown up like he usually did, and you were beginning to think he wasn’t going to show up at all. 

When you finally pushed open the door to your quarters, you were surprised to find him already there.

An adorable smile played on his lips as he looked up from where he’d been arranging a cosy little corner, piled high with blankets and pillows. He had a bag of your favorite snacks sitting on your bedside table, his laptop was set up to play your favorite movie. 

“Wong called,” he said, “he told me you had a rough day.”

You melted instantly, letting out a tired but grateful sigh as you sank into his arms.

“You’re still a menace with that ring,” you mumbled into his chest, your words muffled by his comfy sweatshirt.

Bucky chuckled, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of your head. His fingers brushed your jawline, and with the gentlest touch, he guided your face toward his. The moment his lips met yours, it was as if the world melted away. His kiss was sweet— so full of love that it left you longing for more.

As you curled up together, your head resting on his shoulder, you decided you could definitely put up with a few surprises. After all, he mastered the sling ring just for you.

-end.

[justatypicalwizard]

Up and under | Jayce

Aracne Jayce x Zaun seamstress reader The relationship went up and under, missed chances and regrettable mistakes. If only Zaun and Piltover were not so very different places. After spending days in that pit Jayce understood that before the upcomming battle he has to make things right with you. Jayce and reader have history before the Arcane plot. This story follows the second season of Arcane but loosely. Word count: 3,5k

He really should have asked you to dance that night. Jayce thought to himself as he laid at the dark bottom, the hole he fell into. It must have been days, weeks even. His hair grew long and messy, beard scratched and muscles ached from the omnipresent cold. The broken bone was nearly mended, judging from his ability to walk.

Thrashing around the dirty floor for hours upon hours Jayce had time to think. It felt like He had never wondered before, not like that. Jayce Talis was hardly a man of overinterpreting and overthinking. He deemed himself sturdy and down to earth. Maybe if he ever took the time to properly gaze upon his doings he wouldn't be here now. Viktor wouldn't be corrupted by the hextech, Sky wouldn't be dead and the whole of Piltover wouldn't be a ruin. He could have been dancing with you, gold and silver lacing the summer night air.

It was hard to remember exactly what charity event they attended. One of the families must have been throwing a ball. It could have been related to academia, that would answer why the heck he was even there.

Jayce was standing in line, a few other men in front of him. There was a multitude of people present in one of the academia rooms that day. Fitting for tuxedos. It must have been connected to his whole year, maybe the whole academia even if so many students were gathered.

Shaking his head he sighed, it felt like ages ago, too far for his mind to stretch. Doesn't matter.

What he did remember was the line he was standing in compared to the queue for your measuring. You were there, a simple yet trustworthy bag on the desk, sewing supplies scattered all around as you were never the type to mind putting tools back on their place when working. Gold seeped through the vast windows bathing you and Viktor in a golden hue, supplying you with the natural light that was best for your work, that you didn't have back home.

Only Viktor, good old Viktor, chose to try on your tuxedo, the seamstress from Zaun. How could he not, the two of you knew each other somehow. At first Jayce thought it was the reason you were allowed into academia in the first place. Later he learned about your standing as a seamstress and a stylist. Back then he didn't give much thought to his mistake, you were a Zaunian after all. He should be ashamed.

The other stylists clicked their tongues and rolled their eyes at you, a dirty intruder in their clockwork golden world, a faulty gear. But after being pushed into a shirt with a lacy ruff squeezing his throat like a bad cold Jayce gazed with longing at your fresh and modern designs.

Viktor looked handsome, turning around slowly on his trustworthy cane. His shirt was white and seemed to be crafted with meticulous precision, from geometric pieces hugging the body of the wearer in every right way. Jayce huffed, looking back at his own yolk yellow shirt and making a mental note to ask Viktor about you later, when no one will be watching.

That's how Jayce knew the way to your workshop. It was not deep Zaun, not slums infected with The Grey nor junkie tent-cities. Yet, it was past the bridge, past what seemed socially acceptable in his cast.

Even now, when the city was half abandoned, everyone preparing for the upcoming battle, Jayce Talis b-lined his past self into your workshop. It looked different than years before. The sign was more devilish, fungi building up on the wood, the original color long gone, the edges daring to leave your fingers full of splinters. The glass was dirty and oily from the bad air. The entry door dark and unwelcoming, not even a flicker of light behind them. Jayce knew better than to turn around, he learned it that day.

Viktor gave him the directions that he followed, finding himself in front of a  small workshop. A hand-painted sign welcomed the patrons. With a little bit of hesitation he pushed the door open only to enter a nearly empty room. Apart from a few mannequins with rather odd looking dresses there was only dust hanging in the air. Jayce took a few steps forward and jumped in fear upon hearing someone's voice.

“What'cha lookin’ here for boy?” An old woman sat behind the counter. She was as still as a sculpture, easily overlooked as one of the mannequins. The tops of her white, rheumatic knuckles visible over the counter. She was clutching something under the surface.

In a peaceful manner Jayce raised his hands, slowly coming closer.

“I'm looking for a young seamstress. I need a tuxedo.” She looked Jayce up and down with a frown. “If I got the wrong address I'm sorry, I was following directions from a friend.”

“Friend who?” She pestered eying a stopwatch hanging from his pocket on a thin gold chain.

“One Viktor.” Jayce figured giving away his partner's surname to a shady Zaunian old lady most likely clutching a gun may not be the smartest idea. Instead he mimicked Viktor’s cane walk with an awkward smile.

“Down the stairs and to the right.” A clang could be heard from under the counter and a sigh left the man's lungs. As he passed the woman he saw her hungry gaze still zeroed in on the stopwatch. Jayce clutched it tighter descending the stairs.

Your head popped from under a pile of material, gaze surprised. Before you had time to ask who he was Jayce already stated his purpose. The short encounter with the old woman proved him not to test the limit of the Zaunian distrust.

“I'm here for a tuxedo.” He smiled, the atmosphere of the room lighter despite an even thicker density of dust in the air. 

“Of course.” You neared him with a measuring line but halted to gaze at the stopwatch on the thin golden chain. “On second thought, I may not have materials to your liking, sir.”

Sir. A transparent wall grew between you and him. The glint in your eye was gone, replaced with something sad.

“I can bring material, it's the design I'm more hung on honestly.” Somehow Jayce didn't want the fierceness of your gaze to drift away. He wanted to see it when you looked at him. Yet, you still didn't look sure, taking a step back and breaking your fingers. “Viktor said I should visit you, I asked who designed his set.” Maybe bringing forward a familiar name would melt the suddenly arisen tension. 

His small manipulation worked. You seemed to nod at the name, quickly shooting questions about how he knew Viktor. He briefed you on the whole academia buddies, charity event thing and soon he was taking his coat off to give you the measurements.

The dim lights were not the vast academia windows flooding you with sunlight. A cramped room full of scraps to repurpose didn't meet the standards of Piltover designer workshops. A nobody Zaunian seamstress was not a renowned stylist. Yet, Jayce Talis followed every move of your skilled fingers working on his scarcely clothed arms, admiring how small your palm looked in his.

He dragged his tired legs further into the workshop. The odd dresses merged into an odd pile of junk, mannequins arm or headless, scattered on the floor. The man pushed forward, descending the stairs. He'd love for the memories of flickering candlelight, dusty air and your little intimate space to take over him but Jayce Talis was never one to escape his mistakes. So he went forward, taking in the ruin of what was left of your workshop, of your life. These walls remember countless conversation, a multitude of moments spent together. Bits of memories when Jayce missed chance after chance for what might have changed his life.

“I want to make peoples' lives better.” He stated, unconsciously pushing his chest forward, swelling with pride. He was spending, yet another, evening in the underground of your little workshop, your little world. Lately, he could be spotted here rather often, for measuring of course. “Especially the most hard-working ones like the miners - ouch!” A pin scratched him under the shoulder blade. “Was that on purpose?” Jayce smiled, turning his head to the side to look at you, working the material on his back. “What will people think if I leave with so many scratches on my back? Ouch! This one was on purpose.”

“You're being very improper, sir.” You seemed to be controlling the transparent wall, putting it up and tearing down to your liking

“I'm sorry.” He let out a small laugh. “Shouldn't be talking like that to my friend's lady.”

“You got it all wrong.” Jayce crooked a brow at your denying. “Not all Zaunians date each other just because we know one another.”

The strong division between the under and upper city was a constant variable in the chemistry of your encounters. At that time Jayce thought it was something natural, just as the world spinned, just as day came after night, Zaun and Piltover were opposites. Only later did he realise, it was his prejudice that inflicted this schema, that evoked such a defensive mechanism in you.

“Oh.” He breathed, a tint of pink dusting his cheeks at the thought of you possibly being open for options. He caught you peeking a look at him but you turned around.

“So, miners you were saying.”

“Yes.” Coughing awkwardly, he gathered his thoughts. “Just think about all the inventions that could make their work easier. Shorter shifts with the same level of efficiency, less physical labour per hour, safer work environment. With new technology I - I mean we could make Zaun a…” He stopped, red flashing his cheeks. Once again he let his stupid tongue lap uncontrolled.

“A better place.” You defleated like a hot-air balloon after all the tourists were done with their ride. “You don't need to hide your feelings about this place. I'm used to this.” There was a bite towards the end of your words. Used but they still hurt.

“Well, you shouldn't be used to them. Zaun should be just as good a place to live as Piltover.” Then, Jayce really thought so. He looked at Viktor and he wanted the next generations of children to live a better childhood. He looked at you and wished for all the women in the undercity to feel safe and not have to keep guns under the counter of their small workshops. What he didn't see was that it might not have been an issue with Zaun only, rather the exclusivity of Piltover.

“It doesn't matter, really.” The smile was back on your face. More pins poking out of a small pillow strapped onto your wrist. Precisely cut out pieces of fabric in your fingers as you approached him with a soft look on your face. “Stay still.”

Jayce watched as you pinned the back and the front of his shirt together. You worked over his shoulders, the front of his chest, his belly area. You were close, inspecting what would soon be seams, calculating where to put them to squeeze out all the handsomeness he had to offer.

“Look up.” You commanded, putting a finger under his chin to tilt it upwards. Yet, he still looked down as your fingers worked the collar around his neck.

If he would move his head back down Jayce could meet you halfway. It was tempting, he remembered that feeling very well. His fingers itched, hands laying useless on his knees. He wanted to put them around your waist, put his lips to yours. It would be wonderful. Jayce Talis knew he had a small crush on you, a sweet little nothing. Yet, he could change that. Undoubtedly, if he grabbed you here and now, kissed you and told you how pretty you looked when focusing, his crush wouldn't stay a little nothing. It would be hard to stop it if it started. You could do it, here in the workshop. Or he could take you back to his place.

Jayce saw a scar on your forehead, faint enough to go unnoticed unless you moved very close, like he was now. What happened? Did you fall while playing as a child? Did you hit your head in the cramped space that was your workshop? Did someone do this to you? Did Zaun happen?

It was just a goddamned mark on the hairline. You might as well have been born with it, but for some reason the past Jayce felt like this was the hill he would die on.

“A - are you done?” His eyes darted upwards. You caught him red handed as he stared at you and for some time, you also stared at him. Yet, his comment made you both back away.

You nodded, patting your sides, walking away to supposedly look at something in your sketchbook.

What was he thinking? Jayce was from Piltover, a promising inventor coming from a renowned branch of academia. He worked for his success so hard and just now he wanted to get entangled with a Zaun girl just because she came close to his face.

Jayce Talis forgot he had a crush on you, he forgot all the moments he admired your skill, humuor, and person. He scolded himself for thinking with the wrong part of his body.

You guided him to a tall mirror. It was dusty but when Jayce looked into it a handsome man stared back. The clothes on his body looked fantastic, it would only take a good pair of trousers and elegant shoes to make him look like one of the most important people of Piltover. In the back he saw you, breaking your fingers.

“It's perfect.” He said.

That night Jayce left with many regrets, balancing which ones were greater - the missed chance to kiss you or the fact that he nearly jeopardized his own career with a scandal.

He never ever anticipated that Viktor of all people would get interested in his love life. As they met at the academia, moments before entering the charity event, the partners talked.

“I see that you took my advice on a seamstress.” Viktor smiled softly as only he knew how. Both of their outfits, despite obvious differences, held similarities of design. Jayce nodded and wanted to add something but Viktor continued. “You know, I asked her here tonight. Did you bring a pair?”

The other man's eyes widened. Bringing a pair to the ball was not necessary but rather a social norm, unless one was looking for a fiance. Now the ton would think he is either awkward or open for marriage.

“Now this will look funny, me with a lady and you without one.”

It was tough to stay together, the amount of patrons looking for a conversation with the promising inventors overflowing. Jayce glowed between them, starving for the attention. The world was gold with dresses and clocks, tuxedos and flowers, expensive champagne and microscopic dishes. The moon bathed the open terrace with a silvery hue. It felt like hours and millions of polite conversations later when Jayce bumped into Viktor and you.

Of course your dress was perfect. It was hand sewn by you yourself. It hugged you in all the right places, bringing out your beauty. Tonight you didn't look like a girl from the undercity. Yet, there was something off. Like a chameleon you merged with the crowd but it only took a few steps closer to see something was wrong. It may have been the cheapness of the fabric that you crafted your dress from. Obviously you wouldn't have the money to buy equally soft and luxurious material as the one Jayce brought to your workshop days ago. Or your hair, too roughly cut for a Piltover lady. The fact that you looked a bit lost, clutching onto Viktor's arm as if he was a lighthouse amidst a storm. Maybe that's why people left you alone.

You asked for a moment so Viktor promised to wait for you. In the meantime he turned to Jayce.

“Busy night, isn't it?” He started, visibly tired, relying on his cane more and more.

“Yes.” Jayce nodded, whipping his head around to see if anyone else wished to talk to him.

“Can I ask you for a favor?” Viktor might have as well grown another head, from how surprised Jayce looked. “You see, I'm not much of a dancer as you could guess.” He tapped the tiled floor with his cane. “Would you mind taking her to the dancefloor, only once. I saw how she looked at the other pairs.”

Viktor wanted him to dance with you. Dance, keep you close while twirling around. Put a hand on your waist and look into your eyes. Lead you into the curious crowd. He was ready to say yes and a split second from running away from his friend. The thought of dancing with you didn't even cross his mind that was too occupied with the opulence of the night. Now, when Viktor planted the image, he couldn't stop his mind from running.

“Hello.” You greeted him politely, coming back from the ladies room. Jayce looked at you and nearly melted like the ice statue some person of doubtful intelligence thought of bringing tonight.

“So?” Viktor pushed, stepping closer, leaning into Jayce's ear so that only he would hear him. “She really likes you.”

There was hope in Viktor's eyes, hope for Jayce being smarter than stereotypes. As a Zaunian himself Viktor knew what it meant to get your strings cut when someone learned about your place of birth, how it felt to get judged solely on the basis of upper or undercity. That's why he hoped that Jayce could put aside such artificial prejudice. Unfortunately Viktor was wrong, it would take years for Jayce to understand his mistake.

“I should really get going, the patrons won't wait for me unless I catch them.” He smiled awkwardly nodding his head at you and turned in his heel to merge into the crowd.

“I see.” Viktor whispered, squeezing your palm just as disappointment squeezed his heart.

For the rest of the night Jayce Talis felt like suffocating. Nothing was the same, the conversations were off, the lights were too bright, the alcohol too light. He blamed it on the late hour, he must have been tired after spending the whole day running around the academia. He really didn't want to admit that what he felt was shame and guilt.

After the ball night Jayce only saw you amongst others. You merged with the background of what created Viktor’s person and stayed there. Only after spending days at the pit bottom of a ruined Piltover Jayce accepted his feelings. They never really died out, he pushed them down his throat forcefully and pretended you never existed. Then came his career that filled in the hole. Later came Mel - a trophy that made him swell with pride. Such a powerful woman chose him out of everyone. Maybe if he wasn't so handsome he would grow out smarter.

After coming back to Piltover Jayce wanted to close many chapters in his book, afraid that soon fate will most likely cut his story short. He wanted to make his wrongs right, to die with a consciousness even only slightly lighter than what he felt now. So he knew he had to find you, to tell you the truth.

It took him past the workshop, past the counter and down the stairs into the room once packed with fabric and sketchbooks. Now it was a ghost town. You most likely gave away everything that you had to aid the upcoming battle. Were you even here? You could as well take the hexgate to a better place, find a new workshop, get a new life, new friends and a new man, one that would be honest with you. Yet, something inside him told Jayce he would find you here, and he did.

Your head emerged from under one of the empty desks. You hid upon hearing someone descend the stairs, but you came out when you saw him. So still, after all these years the betrayed girl from Zaun trusted Jayce Talis.

“Jayce?”

It was a rhetorical question, nonetheless one very appropriate. He looked so different. His hair grew out, he had a beard and a sharp look on his features, nothing like the charismatic, warm inventor-boy. Carrying the hammer, heavy like his guilt, made Jayce bigger, more manly and sturdy, more closed and reserved.

“What are you doing here?” You asked.

“What are you doing here?” He might as well reverse the question. You should be long gone, not carry his mistakes and risk your life in this burning hole.

“I couldn't leave.” There was anger on your tired face. Jayce always knew what to say to sour your mood.

“Then I guess fate gave me another chance to make things clear.” He said more to himself than to you.

You did not understand his words. You did not understand when he came closer. You did not understand when he sank above you, the guilt and burden bringing his shoulders down.

“I'm sorry.”

Jayce said and kissed you, wishing for all that he meant to echo through his lips. It must have, because you put your palms on his cheeks and pushed into his chest showing that there was still one last person in all of the world who wanted him.

[certainempatheticturkeymuffin]

Saw a post about Mushang and it's similarities to Liushen, then thought about how interesting it would be to have those in the same fic — then I went down a rabbit hole that included Mobing and Gongzhi (for some reason?)

so... here's this plotbunny, it's really fucking long though, sorry!

(oops, it posted before I finished, sorry about that, it's fixed now!)

-

Shang Qinghua knew, theoretically, that his death would be at the hands of Mobei-jun. He knew that when he saved him, he knew that all these years of serving him, but... it's finally sunk in. That Mobei-jun is going to kill him. That the bruises and frostbite and broken bones are all leading up to his death. He wraps another cut and thinks, somewhat deliriously... that maybe he should've killed Mobei-jun on that mission.

Shen Qingqiu knew his fate — the fate of the Scum Villain. He knew that any goodwill he'd built up was destroyed the moment he pushed Luo Binghe into the Abyss. Knows that all those years of treating him well, only to betray him, may have actually made the situation worse. He thinks back on that day, suddenly realizing that he probably could've made it look like an accident — he could've had Binghe "accidentally" pushed into the Abyss during the chaos, could've faked a Without-A-Cure flare up to excuse his lack of rescue. Maybe, if he'd done that, Binghe would've had mercy.

Their weekly meetings become stilted, their tea goes cold, their snacks uneaten. They don't argue about Airplane's terrible writing, they don't even reminisce over AC or the internet. The air is filled with unease, polluting each of their peaks... until they both snap. They confide in each other, cursing the System, cursing their choices, and try to plan — to dig themselves out of these holes they've dug. The clock is ticking for Binghe's return. Shang Qinghua's wounds are getting worse — he doesn't know if his death will be expedited or delayed at this rate.

And so, they argue and plan and eventually come to a few conclusions...

Shang Qinghua needs the protection of the sect. Needs to confess and beg for Yue Qingyuan's protection as he abandons Mobei-jun. Needs the protection of someone Mobei-jun had no chance of defeating.

Shen Qingqiu, likewise, needs protection — but it's written that Luo Binghe cannot lose, not to anyone in the sect... no one, except for Liu Qingge, who didn't live long enough to fight him, who didn't have a single canonical fight for the world to measure him against. The War God. The one person that wasn't bound by the narrative.

They decide to deal with Shang Qinghua first — Binghe isn't scheduled to leave the Abyss for years, after all. Mobei-jun, however, is a current threat. Every meeting leaves Shang Qinghua with more and more injuries, injuries that the original goods never had to deal with. They don't know if this Mobei-jun is going to follow PIDW's timeline. They don't know how long it'll take before he beats Shang Qinghua to a bloody pulp. After some arguing, it's agreed to come clean to Mu Qingfang first — to test the waters. He's been treating all of Shang Qinghua's wounds since they were disciples, and he'd be good back up if Yue Qingyuan didn't immediately cave to Shen Qingqiu's demands. Of course, Shang Qinghua wouldn't tell the complete truth — no one needed to know that Shang Qinghua spared Mobei-jun because he was hot — but he wouldn't alter the story too much. Better to keep to small lies, easy to keep consistent.

If it goes poorly... they'll just run. They'll abandon the friends and family they've found here, and they'll use whatever plot devices they can find to disguise themselves. The only reason it's not Plan A is because Mobei-jun knows Shang Qinghua's qi signature, and the only artifacts they know that can change qi signatures are... annoying to acquire and dangerous to use.

-

Mu Qingfang isn't surprised when Shang-shixiong shows up with various injuries, absolutely covered in demonic qi. It's routine at this point to sit him down, perform a check up, and ask questions he knows won't be answered. So he does. He heals the cuts and bruises, sets and heals the bones, and does his best to calm the eternally-stressed qi lest his shixiong have a deviation. He asks how this happened, expecting the usual evasive answer (hating that his shixiong is being abused while he does nothing but fix the aftermath), and...

and Shang Qinghua answers.

His shixiong, after years– decades of asking, stutters out an explanation. That he's been a spy for Mobei-jun since that mission where he was the only survivor. That he did it because he was scared, that by the time he was powerful enough to do anything about it, Mobei-jun was a king, and it would probably start a war if he killed him. He says Mobei-jun's been hurting him more often, that he's terrified he's going to die, and Mu Qingfang carefully soothes his shixiong's qi as tears start to fall and he stutters out his plan to team up with Shen-shixiong to tell Zhangmen-shixiong, to beg for forgiveness — for protection, even if it means sitting in a prison cell. He just doesn't want to die.

And in the face of his sobbing shixiong, constantly over-worked and terrified, Mu Qingfang promises to help. Because what else can he do? Turn his back on the shixiong he's been watching slowly fall apart over the decades? The shixiong he's watched go from introverted to downright anxious — the shixiong he's had to pick up and put back together with increasing frequency. Even if he hadn't come clean, Mu Qingfang would've had to have done something soon, with the way the injuries were increasing in severity. He's just glad Shang-shixiong told him first, so they could approach the sect leader together. It wouldn't have been good for his shixiong's stress levels if he'd demanded the sect leader interrogate him to figure out what was going on.

So, the two meet up with Shen Qingqiu and demand a meeting with Yue Qingyuan, who, as always, immediately makes time for Shen-shixiong. Shang Qinghua stutters through his story again, Mu Qingfang regulating his qi, and Shen Qingqiu bringing out a particular icy glare whenever Yue Qingyuan looks like he's going to interrupt. Zhangmen-shixiong's face is carefully blank by the time Shang Qinghua finishes speaking, at which point, Mu Qingfang decides to speak up.

He tells Zhangmen-shixiong of the countless injuries over the decades, of his certainty of their demonic origin, even during that first meeting. He tells the sect leader that if Shang Qinghua is going to be punished for protecting himself, for preventing a war, then he'll need to punish Mu Qingfang too. As a head disciple, he should've reported any suspicious injuries to his shizun, as a Peak Lord, he should've immediately informed Zhangmen-shixiong of Shang Qinghua's continuous injuries and of their suspiciously demonic origin. He says that he has even less of an excuse than Shang Qinghua, who was genuinely afraid for his life and the well-being of his sect. Mu Qingfang simply didn't want to make the situation worse for him, ignoring all rules and expectations that would've had the situation cleared up sooner.

Shen Qingqiu, clearly approving of Mu Qingfang's ardent defense, decides to continue, stating that the sect hasn't experienced an increase in failed missions or other sabotage. He explains that, clearly, Shang Qinghua had been doing his best to protect the sect, even under such strenuous circumstances. He sees no reason to be harsh towards someone who'd been a child when it started, and who was so thoroughly terrified that he only approached Shen Qingqiu, as a friend, because he could see he'd end up dead sooner or later due to the beatings.

Yue Qingyuan lets them all say their piece, and sighs. He sees Shang Qinghua's terror, and he understands both Mu Qingfang and Shen Qingqiu's arguments. He says that this was a breach of trust, that ordinarily this would call for execution, but... Shang Qinghua has not caused harm to the sect, and had he continued, the only harm would've been to himself. As long as Mu Qingfang and Shen Qingqiu are willing to bear the consequences, Yue Qingyuan will allow this to be swept under the rug, never spoken of again.

Mu Qingfang and Shen Qingqiu are quick to agree, and Shang Qinghua's punishment is to update the sect's defense arrays... left unsaid was the expectation that Mobei-jun never be able to enter the sect again. And so, the matter is dealt with, and Shang-shixiong looks like he's had the weight of the world lifted off him once the arrays are complete.

So long as he doesn't leave the sect without a qi-cloaking artifact (courtesy of the Artifact Peak), he'll be safe. Mu Qingfang feels... thrilled, to know his shixiong won't have to suffer anymore.

-

Liu Qingge notices Shen Qingqiu's nerves as he cleanses his meridians. It's an unexpected change of pace, given the dour mood the man's been in for... months, at this point. The session finishes in silence, but there's an air of anticipation that has Liu Qingge... loitering, just a bit.

Eventually, Shen Qingqiu lets out a sigh, pours him tea, and starts to talk — quietly, as if ashamed of his words. He shares that, during the chaos at the end of the Immortal Alliance Concerence, his prized disciple broke a seal. It had been placed on him at birth, presumably by one of his parents, and revealed him to be a heavenly demon. He explains that he panicked at the sight of the seal, understanding what it meant, but his disciple looked just as shocked as him. He understood that his disciple was a demon, that he clearly didn't know that fact, and given the presence of multiple sects and the ongoing catastrophe... his disciple would die, if anyone else stumbled upon him.

Liu Qingge listens, as Shen Qingqiu shares that he pushed his own disciple into the Endless Abyss. His grief makes more sense now, Liu Qingge thinks. It's not just the grief of a teacher losing their favorite student, it's also the guilt of pushing that student into danger, even if it's to protect them. Even he would've hesitated to cut down the disciple, if he'd formed such a bond and the child clearly had no idea what was going on.

They continue sitting in silence, and Liu Qingge is almost ready to leave, before Shen Qingqiu speaks up again. He explains that Luo Binghe was a heavenly demon, and the last one — presumably his father — required the collaboration of multiple sects to seal away. There's a chance that Luo Binghe will survive the Abyss, and escape it.

There's a muted fear in Shen Qingqiu's eyes, as he states there's a chance Luo Binghe will hunt him down. That, given a demon's propensity for overreactions, he may take the entire sect with him. It wasn't like he explained his reasoning, when he pushed the child into the Abyss. All he'd know is that his caring shizun saw he was a demon and immediately pushed him into hell.

And Liu Qingge can understand that fear. Heavenly Demons were strong, too strong for even him to be confident in facing them alone. Even if this one was a child, if it managed to escape the Abyss... it would be too strong for Shen Qingqiu to survive. There's an obvious solution then: train until Shen Qingqiu is strong enough to at least run away.

He says that they'll go on hunts together, so Shen Qingqiu can fight those beasts he knows so much about, to get in practice as they look for any artifact that might help him. He says they'll spar, and he'll even let him face the Bai Zhan disciples for variety. Shen Qingqiu is... reluctant, but quickly realizes that it's probably his best option. With the condition that they return to the sect at least once a month to check on his disciples, he agrees to Liu Qingge's proposal.

They'll both train, and Liu Qingge won't let him out of sight for even a moment — not with a heavenly demon after his head.

-

The months afterwards are... peaceful.

An Ding grows used to the sight of Mu Qingfang, who arrives just before dawn every morning to share breakfast with Shang Qinghua before they must start work. They do each other's hair and gossip, sharing whatever happened the day before as they get ready. Without the constant fear, and with Mu Qingfang's help taming his curls (as the only other one in the sect with curly hair), the sect slowly comes to realize that Shang Qinghua is a total knockout, actually, it was just hidden behind frizzy hair, eyebags, and his constant terrified hunching.

There are still bad days, of course, where Mu Qingfang has to insist he delegate his work to his head disciple, or where Shang Qinghua ends up on Qian Cao in the middle of the night having a panic attack, but... they're growing rarer as time passes. Qian Cao learns to turn their heads when Shang Qinghua arrives with an early shipment or unexpected, expensive goods. They learn to mind their business when they see him comfort their Shizun after a particularly challenging day.

It doesn't really surprise anyone when they start courting. The only surprise is that Shang Qinghua is the one that started it, but even that is less shocking now than it would've been the year before. An Ding is happy that their shifu finally looks safe and healthy (he actually stops working at a reasonable hour now, even if it is still after sunset), and Qian Cao is glad their shizun has someone of his own to vent to (given the stress of his job and the various struggles that come with it).

As for Qing Jing, they're absolutely thrilled that their shizun isn't moping anymore. The loss of Binghe hit them hard too, but seeing Shen Qingqiu make the effort to go on hunts made it easier for them to move on too. They miss him, when he's gone, but he always returns with treats from various villages, and a week's worth of stories and lessons to impart. He's even compiled his own bestiary! Ning Yingying has taken to giving Liu Qingge sweets as a thank you for helping her shizun, and Ming Fan grows more comfortable in his old role as head disciple, with how his shizun actually sees him and compliments him, rather than missing Binghe. The Bamboo House is still... a very hard place to be. Without Shizun, it's empty, and even with his recovery, the vacant room seems to bring back his grief.

Seeing this, Qing Jing is both relieved and absolutely pissed when Liu Qingge offers up his spare room instead. Shen Qingqiu accepts, and it's become common for him to join the Bai Zhan disciples in their morning exercises before returning to teach on Qing Jing. They are, understandably, absolutely pumped to have another Peak Lord around to fight (on top of their own being around more often! Shifu teaches them more! And is he getting better at it? What miracles!)

They settle into a routine, and, though it takes an unexpectedly long time, they announce their courting to Yue Qingyuan, who looks both heartbroken and extremely happy for them. Qing Jing gives Liu Qingge a surprisingly scary shovel talk (though he's mostly amused, he respects their dedication), but are overall very happy that their shizun is happy. Bai Zhan is just cheering that another Peak Lord has basically taken up permanent residence, since Shen Qingqiu stays in Liu Qingge's house rather than the bamboo house. They enjoy the unique challenge he gives, and some of the braver ones tell their shifu that he better treat him right or they'll try to take him for themselves (he went particularly hard on them after that, but they had zero regrets — Shen-shibo is a catch after all!)

Meanwhile, Mobei-jun is... frustrated and heartbroken. He can no longer enter Cang Qiong Sect, and he can no longer find Shang Qinghua's qi signature. He doesn't know why — was Shang Qinghua caught? Is he dead? Why else would he just... randomly leave? He's stuck with Mobei-jun for decades, why would he leave now? What was the catalyst? Was he truly so uncomfortable with Mobei-jun's courting? Why wouldn't he just say so!?

The questions leave him angry and frustrated, with no way to get answers. It's only after he enters Luo Binghe's service (an embarrassing loss — would he have done better with Qinghua's advice?) that he finally gets... something of an answer. A potential explanation.

Luo Binghe has no friends in the demon realm, trusts absolutely no one, but he's still a kind person. When he sees that Mobei-jun is frustrated, all it takes is that curly haired boy (a face so similar to Qinghua's) asking for all the questions to come spilling out. Whether it takes hours or minutes, Mobei-jun doesn't know, all he remembers is the lesson from that conversation:

Humans court differently. Constant physical bombardment is known as abuse.

And Mobei-jun is sick.

He hurt Qinghua. He drove away the one man that stuck with him through everything, just because he couldn't be bothered to double check that his courting would be understood. According to Luo Binghe... it was a miracle Shang Qinghua hadn't left sooner. And the worst part? Mobei-jun can't right this wrong. He can't explain himself. Because Cang Qiong has new wards, and Shang Qinghua has figured out how to make himself thoroughly disappear, even though Mobei-jun does receive word when the Peak Lord is spotted during a trade deal. He can't get Qinghua back. There's nothing he can do.

So he stays by Luo Binghe's side. His curly hair, his similar face... these days, Mobei-jun curses himself for not digging into Shang Qinghua's history. For this boy is an orphan, a street rat, and now it would be near impossible to find out his true relation to Shang Qinghua, given that no one knew which humans Tianlang-jun had bed. It doesn't truly matter, whether he is a cousin, brother, or nephew, Mobei-jun will right his wrongs through Shang Qinghua's kin, unable to reach the man himself.

-

When Luo Binghe leaves the Demon Realm, he goes to Huan Hua, and things progress pretty much as they did in canon, with Shen Qingqiu running, absolutely fucking terrified, being force fed blood, and agreeing to be held in the Water Prison to avoid blowback on the sect. Only difference is that Liu Qingge tried to kill LBH, which almost caused an incident with Huan Hua, because no one believed he was a demon. In the water prison, Luo Binghe sees... a ring. He knows his shizun never wore that before, so he asks about it. Not wanting to put Liu Qingge in even more danger, Shen Qingqiu stays silent.

Gongyi Xiao helps Shen Qingqiu escape, and things continue to progress. When Liu Qingge squares up to fight Luo Binghe, he notices him wearing a ring, threaded onto a necklace, and so similar to Shen Qingqiu's. It doesn't take him long to process the fact that his beloved shizun is... already taken.

By Liu fucking Qingge.

He's thoroughly pissed off, he goes to attack, but pauses when he sees his shizun grip Liu-shishu tightly, shaking like a leaf. He looks like he's preparing to take his husband and run. The thought is... off-putting. Because Liu Qingge is the War God of Bai Zhan Peak. Why doesn't Shizun have faith in the man he married?

So he asks.

And Shen Qingqiu doesn't answer.

Liu Qingge still hasn't relaxed, ready to attack at any moment, and Luo Binghe is running out of patience.

"If Shizun finds this demon despicable enough to throw into the Abyss, he should let his husband kill it."

"That's not why he did it."

Liu Qingge's words throw him off balance. He expected the man to be shocked, hearing that his loving husband had done such a thing (maybe cause a rift in their relationship), he expected, maybe, to be attacked for being so disrespectful.

Liu Qingge then explains, because Shen Qingqiu is terrified into silence.

And Luo Binghe is crushed. Shizun threw him into the Abyss... to save him? Shizun was scared for his safety?

And suddenly Luo Binghe feels sick, when he remembers what he's done. How he hurt Shizun, who was too scared to answer. Who just wanted to protect him, only to realize later that he wasn't thinking straight — that his words were twisted in his effort to get Luo Binghe into the safest place possible in that moment: the Endless Abyss. The shizun that believed in his capabilities enough to be afraid that he'd come seeking revenge.

The fight drains out of him, Liu Qingge doesn't relax, but Shen Qingqiu behind him looks just the slightest bit more curious than terrified. Luo Binghe pulls out a note, written from Mobei-jun to Shang Qinghua, and drops it onto the roof. "This disciple apologizes to Shizun. Please ensure this message gets to Shang-shishu." He uses Xin Mo to teleport to a different roof, staying just long enough to see Liu Qingge hand the note to Shen Qingqiu, who collapsed bonelessly into his side.

He goes to the Northern Desert, rather than the Southern Kingdom. He arrives in the sitting area of Mobei-jun's quarters, and plops himself into a seat. He thinks, and thinks, and he's feeling absolutely awful by the time Mobei-jun arrives. He takes one look at Luo Binghe's disheveled state, and takes the seat next to him.

They talk.

Mobei-jun is a surprisingly comforting presence. He'd always listened and offered advice, but Luo Binghe didn't think he'd have the patience for talking him through... whatever the hell this is. Heartbreak? He isn't sure.

It helps though, and Luo Binghe feels much lighter. Mobei-jun had already promised to never darken Cang Qiong's doorstep, to never go anywhere near Shang Qinghua again, after what he'd done... Luo Binghe would just have to do the same. Even if all he wanted was to go back to Qing Jing, to his room in the Bamboo House... but Shizun is married now, there's no way he'd allow Luo Binghe to stay there permanently.

So he just... stays in the Demon Realm. He's an emperor now, surely Shizun wouldn't want him neglecting that duty? And even if he would've liked Shizun's advice... Mobei-jun would have to do. He had experience, and he's been nothing but helpful. Decision made, Luo Binghe embraces his status as the Demon Emperor, and gives it his full attention.

Without him, Shen Qingqiu's trial falls apart, even as the Palace Master accuses Liu Qingge of killing Luo Binghe. There's not enough concrete evidence for Shen Qingqiu's crimes, and the character defenses from the sect and his husband all speak louder than Qiu Haitang's slander. Even if Liu Qingge was in extremely hot water with Huan Hua, they couldn't prove he'd done anything either.

Shen Qingqiu delivers Mobei-jun's note to Mu Qingfang, asking him to be there when Shang Qinghua read it, because who knew what was in it. He agrees, and they read it as soon as possible, to get it over with.

It's an apology, with an explanation of their different cultures and a promise to never bother him again. It's a promise to right his wrongs through Luo Binghe, who he assumes to be related to Shang Qinghua through the boy's mother. It's short and blunt, and Shang Qinghua is... conflicted. He loves Mu Qingfang, and honestly, couldn't even dream of a life without him, but... Mobei-jun was his dream man. Thinking like that... perhaps it was for the best that they didn't end up together. The reality could never live up to the expectation.

More importantly, is him remembering his half-sister in this life: Xi-jie. Who had suddenly cut contact with him completely, and who he'd never managed to track down afterwards, not having known her full name. Shang Qinghua is crushed, to realize the protagonist was that close to being given a better life. Had Su Xiyan managed to contact him at any point, he would've taken her son in in a heartbeat. Mu Qingfang consoles him, and they decide, jointly, that it was for the best if he didn't pursue that relationship. Not with Mobei-jun promising to stick by the boy, and not with the way he'd treated Shen Qingqiu.

And everyone just... moves on with their lives.

Mu Qingfang and Shang Qinghua are happy together; they have three kids that get absolutely spoiled by their disciples, and they take care of each other, ensuring neither overworks too severely. Liu Qingge and Shen Qingqiu, without the threat of Binghe's return hanging over them, relax more. They enjoy peaceful days with the Qing Jing disciples, they have fun jointly beating up the Bai Zhan disciples and teaching them new moves, and their hunts aren't nearly as battle-focused as they were before, giving Shen Qingqiu a chance to study the beasts rather than immediately going to fight them.

Luo Binghe and Mobei-jun are rarely apart and treat each other as equals in all things. They value the other's advice when implementing policies, and they will each jump to the other's defense, whether it be physically or through words. It surprises absolutely no one when their affair is found out — at first a convenient way to control Xin Mo, eventually morphing into a proper relationship. They're the rulers of the demon realm, they need not abide by the rules, but... Luo Binghe enjoys planning the wedding, and Mobei-jun can't deny him that, even if it meant dealing with the paperwork of technically merging the two kingdoms but also not. Their broken hearts have long been mended by each other, and it's no surprise when they have six children, close-knit and loving, like the family they wished they'd had sooner.

-

Tianlang-jun rotted away, despite Zhuzhi-lang's best efforts. His last act was to give Zhuzhi-lang enough energy to sustain his human form indefinitely. He is purposeless, and alone, and he sits beside his uncle's corpse for far longer than he should have. There's nothing left for him, not with his uncle gone.

So he exits the cave, and he sits under a tree, out in the open. He is very clearly a demon within Huan Hua territory, so it wouldn't take long for a cultivator to stumble upon him and put him out of his misery. Sure enough, in the middle of his patrol, Gongyi Xiao sees a snake demon just... sitting there. He doesn't look hostile, nor does he look like he's going to move.

He also just... looks kinda pathetic.

So, Gongyi Xiao makes a decision. He can't, in good conscience, leave it there. If he does, and it attacks someone, that's his fault. He also can't just kill it if it's not even doing anything. So he decides to... initiate conversation.

It takes a while for Zhuzhi-lang to bother properly responding, but once he does, they get along quite well. He shares stories about his and his uncle's journies through the human realm, reminiscing as he starts to process his grief. Gongyi Xiao decides, maybe this demon isn't that bad actually, and before they know it, it's sun down and Gongyi Xiao is very late.

They meet daily, with Gongyi Xiao taking on more patrols than usual to make sure his demon is doing alright. Eventually, though, pieces of Zhuzhi-lang's story start to... click. They conflict with things he's been told by his shizun. Maybe Zhuzhi-lang is misremembering in his grief, but... he's concerned enough to start investigating on his own.

He finds a lot of dirt on the Old Palace Master, most of it completely unrelated to Su Xiyan, which is what he was actually trying to investigate. Eventually, he grows so disgusted with the sheer amount of crimes the old man has committed that he decides to just... start a coup. He's well-liked, so it's easy enough to get people on his side — it's even easier when he starts spreading rumors and has all of the man's misdeeds printed into a fairly popular book (more than a few publishing houses were burned down because of it, oops). He didn't... intend to replace the old man, but that's what happened and, hey, now he can bring his demon home and no one can fight him over it, yes sect leaders, he's perfectly sane, thank you.

Zhuzhi-lang learns that he's just as attracted to competence and beauty as Tianlang-jun, he just prefers his with a side of kindness rather than tsundere. He also finds it incredibly funny that everyone just... pointedly ignores his presence. A demon he may be, but their sect leader wanted him there, so there he would stay. The whole scenario brings to mind the forbidden romances his uncle loved to read about. As he settles in, watching Gongyi Xiao overhaul Huan Hua Palace and all its greedy rules, he thinks his uncle would want to see how this story ends.

-

AND THAT'S IT! My wrists hurt and i accidentally posted before it was done, lmao, but yeah. Feel free to write this, I feel like I'd start it and never finish lol

[inbabylontheywept]

Hi there! I just read through a few of your long form posts -- the one about the boss and the glue traps and the lizards, the one about the friend and the radishes and the cop, and the one about the breakup and the car and the neighbor's car and your dad -- and I'm just really blown away by your writing. And I'm just curious, are they actual experiences or are they fiction? They read like actual experiences, and the writing is so naturalistic and...idk, low key sweet, stream of consciousness without the major sidetracking that often happens in stream of consciousness writing and also more...more poetical in a way, I guess. I don't know. Are you published or wanting to? I mean I couldn't help with that or anything but if you've got a book out I'd love to read it.

Patrick McManus was kind of THE legendary writer to my family. When my dad was a kid, he'd sit on the porch the door that the monthly copy of Outdoor Life was going to arrive, and as soon as he got it, he'd run in with it and take it to his dad, who would gather all his kids around and read the stories out loud.

My dad loved it because his dad would make a whole performance out of the readings: He'd do voices, pantomimes, dramatic sound effects, the works. The stories are amazing, but the out-of-character behavior from his dad was half the selling point. Grandpa Hank was, to his core, a good man. But he was gruff, and socially, pretty stiff, and he didn't often show emotion. I think my dad said he saw him tear up one time growing up, and it was when he got dropped off at the MTC. My mom was married to my dad for three years before Grandpa Hank was comfortable enough to sit down in their house, and he liked her. That's just how he was.

(You just praised me for not getting sidetracked, but I'm letting myself wander down those memories a bit. He died last year. I miss him terribly.)

Anyway: Those stories were how I first started learning how to spin a yarn. I got older and I got more influence than just cowboys and Westerns, but the soul of my style is still just The American Tall Tale.

Which is to say that they're not outright fabrications. When I say that I cut all the worms up in my backyard and had a panic attack and hid in a tree until my mom got me, that happened. But I only remember the vaguest outlines of the words that were said. When there's a line in that story about my mom telling me that she's sure the worms will forgive me because they got six hearts to love and no bones to pick, that's not how she talks. That's how I talk.

Other stories, they're far less fuzzy than that, but I can still point out things I don't know. Wrestling story was from middle school, and a lot of those "crisp details" are just me painting by vibe. I've had some people that did wrestling through highschool point out things like refs not actually counting to three, or how double-legs are not actually super effective for tall wrestlers. I don't actually know how much the woman I wrestled weighed, nor do I remember how much I weighed, except that I was more than two weight classes smaller than her. Car incident, I got broke up with, went to her parents door, waited on the lawn, and was given some olives to go with a wireless phone. But exact wording of a lot of the people involved fails me. As a rule, the weirder an event is, the more likely I am to be distinctly remembering it and not just filling in the background. Except for dialogue, which often turns out weird because when I have to make up things for other characters to say, it carries too much of my own speaking style in it, and that's always been weird.

There are even points where things do come right off the rails. In the stories about J post, J himself became a sort of mythic figure after he moved, and lot of the stories about him, I don't even know I'm remembering them first hand or second hand from a story someone else shared with me.

I know it would be easier to just go, yeah, they're true, or no, they're not, but I did a weird thing and mixed them up and now even I'm a little confused.

Regarding publishing: I'm not published, and the thought of trying to get published scares the shit out of me. I

I don't know. If anyone has advice, I'd be interested.

[revelboo]

U h, so like, I may or may not have gotten absolutely hooked on your blog 👉👈 I absolutely adore your fics with the Seeker Trine, I don’t see much of them out there so when I stumbled upon your little series, it got me good. I am super invested in each of the stories and I really, really like the way you right!! Looking forward to more :3

Thank you!

True Romance Pt 5

Seeker Trine x Reader

• Wings flaring out tiredly to stretch out the kinks, Starscream pauses in the door to the communal habsuite he shares with his trine before closing the door behind him, sprawled on his back with his head hanging off the edge of his berth Skywarp glances at him, jaw clenching, then his attention is back on the human laying against his chassis, his servos sliding along your back. Across the room, Thundercracker is fiddling with the communication screen, so engrossed in his project that he’s not even noticed his entrance. “What is this?”

• Startling, Thundercracker offers Starscream a sheepish smile. “Movie night? I’ve been watching some of their media and it’s pretty interesting,” he says, inclining his head toward you sleeping on Skywarp. And he waits for Starscream to tell him he’s too busy, because he always does that. Knows his brother is the SIC and stays buried under reports and requests, but he just wants them all together like it had been before the war. Before the Decepticons. At least for a little bit. The ‘no’ doesn’t come though as Starscream drifts closer to Skywarp, attention on you.

• “They were cold again,” Skywarp growls, annoyed at being caught tending to you when he shouldn’t care less. But he likes the warmth of you there against him, the softness that should be off putting to him. Your little cheek is against him, knuckles against his canopy. Trusting him enough to rest under his watch and he’s not sure what to make of that or why it spreads warm through his spark.

• “Always,” Starscream vents softly, reaching to pick you up. Noting the way Skywarp tenses, but doesn’t try to stop him even when you make a pitiful sleepy sound of protest until he cradles you to him. Head lifting to look up at him, seeing who has you, and immediately relaxing again. And he can’t understand this trust of yours. That you just accept this and them instead of raging to be freed.

• Feeling that thrum in your bones when Starscream cups you to him, you know you should be trying to escape. But there’s almost always at least one of them watching over you. They’re not your friends by any means, but as he runs a servo against you, you’re not sure they’re your enemies either. Know it’s just Stockholm’s ringing your bell, because they’re always fussing over you, bringing you things, food, whatever they think you might like. Trying to keep you happy when they don’t have to. You’re still a prisoner, but it’s harder and harder to see the bars of your cage every day, they just keep blurring with every gentle touch. They’ll get bored of you eventually and let you go. And you’re not sure how you feel about that. “Everything okay?”

• Sitting on his berth, Starscream looks down at you. Seeing you watching him in return. Always asking them about their day. Trying to collect intel on them to pass along to your government in case you manage to escape? That must be it, but he still finds himself telling you. And you just lay your cheek on his servo and listen, asking questions and agreeing with him. Like you might really care. Hating that he wants to believe that, because something is very wrong with him.

Previous

[fix-it-darlin]

D.A.M.N. Crew Headcanons

Freelancer

Doodles on the back of their hands

Never really specialized in anything as a kid and had way too many hobbies. They view this as a negative thing, but the rest of the crew is delighted to hear about their many interests.

Chicken scratch handwriting that only they can read most times.

Attempted to learn shorthand to remedy this but couldn't stick to it long enough to make much of an impact on their note taking style.

Didn't like their hair for a while and so they were always wearing some kind of hat. They still wear a hat a lot, but they've started to get more comfortable with it, especially as Gavin teaches them how to style it better.

Never had a close friend group before the D.A.M.N. crew and usually spent time in groups that seemed to just tolerate them while they were in school.

Used to read voraciously, but hasn't read a full book in about a year. They can manage articles and short stories, but a full book is asking a lot.

Talks to themself a lot and has nearly filled their phone's storage with all the voice notes they make.

Gavin

Gave himself dimples

Wears lots of rings, but one from Freelancer is worn on a chain rather than his hands

Favorite movie is the Princess Bride. The D.A.M.N. crew gets together for a movie night every few weeks and this is always his first suggestion.

Learned how to knit just so he could make Freelancer a hat for their birthday. It was a messy first attempt, but Freelancer loves it all the same.

Great gift giver

Damien made him join a book club with him after figuring out that he hasn't read a book in his life. Gavin gripes about this, but he's actually delighted to have someone to read with and keep him accountable there. He's tried to bring Freelancer into it too, but recognizes that they're too busy for books at the moment.

Damien

Has a very particular taste in energy drinks and doesn't like tea very much.

Black nail polish

His mom pushed him to be good at art as a kid, and he was, could render incredibly realistic studies of nature, but he hated it. He doesn't draw much in present time, but Huxley discovered one of his old sketchbooks at one point and was seriously impressed. Damien wanted to throw out the sketchbook, but Huxley's kept it for now.

When he does draw, it's these shitty little cartoons (I'm talking stick figures and shaky lines) he uses to make Huxley laugh, and only when he's particularly inspired.

Loves to take runs at the crack of dawn just so he can catch the sunrise and the early morning dew.

Has never seen snow in person

Huxley

Loves graphic novels (read all the Bone books as a kid)

Definitely has a rock collection, knows how to skip stones

Goes to poetry open mic nights with Lasko as a way to improve his diction but also train himself to formulate his words better. Some hilarious haikus and free verse have come out of this. Huxley's favorite is the one he performed about a raccoon trying to get tickets to a concert

Is incredibly gentle with his touch as though he's afraid that he'll hurt people with his hugs.

Has dressed up as a bulbasaur for Halloween before

Passed notes with Damien during a lecture that they shared. It drove Damien nuts, but Huxley wasn't sure how else to talk to him at the time. He and Damien still leave each other sticky notes on the mirror and Huxley treasures each of them.

Lasko

Has glasses and they slip down his nose all the time

You know the trope that when people take their glasses off, all of a sudden they're super hot? Yeah, Lasko is the exact opposite way because his lenses are pretty a high prescription and make his eyes look much bigger than they actually are. Take those off and he's immediately squinting and those eyes don't look so big anymore which makes him look uncanny. He's pretty self-conscious about that.

Listens to Mitski

Can quote the entirety of The Hobbit word for word and has very strong opinions about the movies. (He saw them against his will once and has never gotten over it)

Pretty deep morning voice surprisingly enough

Started doing yoga with Dear as a way to keep loose and relax although it's debatable how much relaxing is actually going on towards the end of their sessions and how much of it is just excuses to tease and flirt with each other.

Dear

Top two buttons of their shirt are always unbuttoned, they've got quite the collection.

Loves Lasko's squint that he gets when his glasses slip too far down his nose.

Was on the swim team when they were in school and were pretty good at it (this is an understatement, they set a couple of records for their school)

Nails are always very neatly trimmed and they usually have a clear coat or white nail polish on them

Loopy, neat handwriting

Has always been called a good listener. Little does anyone know that they talk Lasko's ear off just as much as he does their's. They know an insane amount about different species of coral and sea cucumbers and have a collection of books, photos, and articles about them that they've built up over the years.

Very good at figuring out people's strengths and makes a point of complimenting them on it. They are proud to say that they've flustered Huxley with their compliments because it took them the longest time to figure out what would really hit for him.

Has a tattoo on their back

Is part of Damien's book club and always has some of the most detailed notes on the books they read. It's become a bit of a competition between the two of them to see who has the best notes. It's all in good fun though.

[sturniolo04]

Panic Attack M.S.

Bf!Matt x Gf!Fem!Reader

A/N: If you don't like the preadded name in my stories, you can either add your own name or not read it; it's up to you :)

You were never the anxious type. For as long a s you could remember you didn't have anxious bone in your body. You constantly carried yourself with pure joy, contentment, and happiness. So, when you started dating Matt, you couldn't always relate and understand the anxious and sometimes depressive highs and lows he would go through but being his girlfriend, you really tried to understand and help as best as you could through the lows especially when they got really low.

This brings you to now, you are currently sitting on the couch in your apartment next to Matt, studying for another medical exam you have to take to pass this class to get you one step to majoring and having a career as a pediatrician, it being your dream, since your mom is one and you always looked up to her. You let out what you thought was a normal deep breath.

"you okay"

matt asks simply glancing over to you.

"yeah why wouldnt I be"

you slightly giggle out as Matt shakes his head playfully.

"no reason"

he replys shrugging his shoulders fixating his attention back on his computer in front of him.

" i mean i am almost done with studying I am going to get through this exam I think"

you hesitantly squeal out not being fully aware of the toll the work was getting to you and your mental state just yet.

"okay thats good im glad you feel confident about it. Are you ready to take a break and go get lunch."

matt asks as you huff out and agreement as he stands up and extends his hand out to you to help you get off of the couch.

You two hopped into his car and headed to a Chickfila to get lunch.

"you want to go in or drive thru"

matt as you two were stopped at the red light before the left turn in the parking lot. You were fixates on scrolling through a series of exams and essays you had no idea were even on your plate to complete within the next couple of months before the fall semester is over.

"baby"

matt stated gaining your attention back to reality.

"huh oh yeah um drive thru actually"

you speak up trying to forget about what you saw on your phone and that you were beginning to freak out due to the fact you have yet to write the first sentence of.

"okay are you here with me"

matt chuckles out as he reaches over running his palm on your leg in the passenger seat as he pulls up to the ordering screen in the drive thru.

"yeah sorry i just didnt realize i had more essays to write otherwise I would have said we could go in but"

you simply state out as matt start rubbing you thigh comfortably, already sensing a little bit of overwhelm that was completely going unnotice by his very own girlfriend.

"yeah its okay i get that we will get our food and head back to your place and get them done okay"

he reassures as you sigh out again.

"plus we also still have dinner with Chris Nick and Madison Beer so and that's not until later so we will still go out to eat today"

he chuckles out as he places his hand to thread through your head as you hum out in contentment.

Time Skip

you guys had made it back to your apartment with lunch and you two were sitting at the table you neatly placed in the kitchen area. You were hyperfocused on starting the essays going into hyper focus completely forget the concept of time.

"baby its time to get ready dinner is at 7pm"

matt speaks up as he closes his computer and stands up from his seat head over to you placing his hands on your shoulders, lovingly.

" matt i have to finish these essays though can we-"

you whine out slowly looking up at him.

"can we reschedule or cancel tonight"

you question sheepishly as matt begins to chuckle.

"baby no we haven't been out of the house since early this afternoon and it 5:50pm, plus it will be fun"

he persuades and reasons with you. You agreed and headed up to your room to get dressed for dinner tonight *outfit reference* As you were getting ready you felt this constant strain on your chest which again was abnormal for your so you simply blow it off considering it was probably nothing.

"you ready"

att simply asks you as you finally made your way back downstairs, sensing that same feeling of overwhelm and anxiousness on you that he sensed earlier that day.

"ye-yeah just was feeling like some tightness in my chest but I am ready lets go"

you quickly reply out, grabbing your shoes so you can put them on in the car.

"are you sure that it was nothing"

matt asks you again showing his concern of you not acknowledging you being stressed over the essays and exams you have yet to finish and study for before the semester is over in 2 months.

"yeah i promise im okay"

you simply replied ad you and him walked out the door.

Time Skip

You and Matt connected with Nick Chris and Madison at the restaurant and everything was great. You guys were catching up on everything that was going on in life which kind of allowed you to forget all about your essay and exam you had yet to finish and study for for a little bit.

"so how has med school been"

Madison asks you, shifting the conversation.

"yeah its going for sure"

you huff out as the tightness slightly returning back in your chest at the very thought and mention of school. as if school couldn't get any better you get a notification on your phone that was saying that basically your professor is deciding to have grades finalized this upcoming month instead of the following month after the next month and its march 30th already.

You start feeling like the walls were closing in on you as if you were stuck in a box and couldn't find a way out. You begin to feel the tightness in your chest become more apparent making it hard to breathe to the point where you couldn't seem to get any air in or out of your body and lungs.

"hey you okay"

Chris ask from across the table noticing you place a hand on your chest as if to make sure your alive.

"hey let's go outside for a minute yeah"

matt calmly suggests knowing exactly whats happening and because he didn't want everyone in the restaurant to focus their attention towards you. You nodded you head barely giving him the approval for him to guide you outside in the parking lot.

"i-i matt"

you shakily strain out as you place a shaky on the brick wall of the exterior of the restaurant to help you sit on the floor.

"hey hey"

matt soothes walking over to you.

"tell me whats going on"

"i i cant breathe matt w-whats happening to me"

you exclaims uncontrollably sobbing, as matt kneels in front of you placing his forehead on your bring one of your hands to his chest to give you the awareness that you were still alive and that he was there with you.

"yes you can. Youre having a panic attack love its okay match my breathing"

He softly speaks as he begins inhaling and exhaling deeply, as you slowly follow along.

"there you go"

he whispers seeing your normal state of breathing return to normal, he moves from kneeling to sit next you.

"that was really scary thats never happened to me before"

you softly speak out as you lean your head on his shoulder.

"yeah i think school caught up to you didn't it"

he questions as you slightly sigh and nod you head not daring to speak on that topic currently.

"can we just go home i want to get some sleep"

you calmly ask, looking up at matt.

"of course lets go tell everyone bye then"

he replies helping you to stand up.

"hey are you okay"

nick asks you softly

"yeah"

you softly let out.

"i think we are going to head out she's not feeling the best so I am going to take her to get some rest"

matt chimes in as he brings you into his side rubbing your arm softly.

"aw okay we will see you guys soon its okay"

madison replies getting up and hugging the pair along with chris and nick following.

"feel better and we will see you at home I guess matt right"

chris states and asks.

"maybe i will text you if i end up staying at her place"

matt simply replies to his brother.

"fine by us"

nick chimes in as you two finally leave and get in the car.

You guys barely even made it out of the parking lot before you were already fast asleep in the passenger seat.

Taglist

@dirtylittleheart333 @mintsturniolo @wh0resstuff@ @spicymuffins03 @ksturnz @stayingstromboli @emely9274

[paraphwrites]

a categorization of all queer media

after i told @diangelodork about this, he said "YOU MUST TUMBLE ABOUT THIS" so here i am, tumbling

i believe i have created a categorization system which encompasses all of queer media into one label or another, through a mixture of the way queerness is represented, the intended audience, & a secret third thing. bare with me, i'm right

note: when i cite artists, i'm citing their music, not the person

~

spiritual- texts interacts with sexuality in a way which is not explicitly queer but is so transcendent of sexuality that it once again becomes queer. queerness is about radicalism just as much as it is about explicit sexuality; the entire disregard of sexuality IS in turn radical. (hozier, florence + the machine, good omens)

gritty- the not so nice sides of being queer. unafraid to discuss nuances and intersectionalities, unafraid to acknowledge the ways being queer can genuinely be damaging. (perks of being a wallflower, feels good, aristotle and dante discover the secrets of the universe, girl in red)

flamboyant- the art of being queer. queerness taken to such an extreme that its relation to art cannot be removed. the performance of it all. (drag race, lady gaga, jack from will & grace)

for the straights- queer representation commodified intentionally for heterosexual consumption (i kissed a girl by katy perry)

historical representation- written in a time past where homosexuality was not legal or published, but the author intentionally utilizes queer-coding to their advantage in order to discuss taboo topics in a stealthy way. (the picture of dorian gray)

non-representation representation- where queer characters can be replaced by straight characters with minimal impact on the plot. you might have to change a small bit but the story could be very similar without it (get even, shadow and bone, most queer rom coms, derry girls)

palatable- where if a queer character is replaced by a straight character, the entire plot falls apart. the target audience is typically children, traumatized gay people who are desperate for a happy ending, and heterosexuals. digestible milestones, clear-cut labels, no critiquing of systemic issues. (love simon, heartstopper, glee)

~

i am not saying any of these are better or worse than the others. they all exist and they all serve their purpose. but i think it's really interesting when looking at this and examining which media is most popular and why we may think that is. and, i think it's interesting to note which queer shows are renewed and which are not; which find their way into the culture and which do not.

palatable queer media is far more -you guessed it- palatable for a mainstream audience than gritty queer media is. "heartstopper" offer a queer utopian ideal where the homophobes get punched and the gay teenagers get a happily ever after and never break up ever. that is a much nicer thought that the storyline of "feels good," where queerness and addiction and a public career meld together for failed stints at rehab and mental health collapses. many people prefer escapism over the painful aspects of reality and that is entirely valid. neither is better or worse than the other but there is an important distinction where one is escapism and one is a representation OF reality.

my bestie erebus talks more about how the recently cancelled netflix show 'dead boy detectives' treats queerness here. for background, i'd qualify it likely as gritty, though an argument could be made for spiritual.

to conclude: like most aspects of queerness, most queer media does fit into multiple of these categories. few things truly are binary. attempts at categorization are always futile etc etc. but perhaps not

[kunikame]

venus, planet of love. - mitsuki i.

warning(s) : hurt/comfort, mitsukis inferiority complex, i7 are the planets dont ask me why just read the fic, i love u izumi mitsuki u are so me w/c : 1619

you know love is real because izumi mitsuki exists, and he is full of it.

mitsuki loves many things – he loves iori, ZERO, re:vale, idolish7, his parents, the bakery, .. the list goes on endlessly, for izumi mitsuki is love itself. he is a lover through and through, he was raised with love enveloping him all around, and he spreads it around to everyone shamelessly and selflessly.

the only thing mitsuki doesn’t really love is himself – he is second. always, always second.

second to his genius younger brother, secondary to all his group members, always the kid picked last unless iori was the leader.

there was nothing particularly wrong with him that made it this way, he was, simply put, mediocre. a jack of all trades but master of none, if you will.

so you can imagine it didn’t quite surprise him to be less popular than his group mates by a huge margin. he didn’t stand out with anything, he had nothing for himself that would make him stand out – he wasn’t too likeable. he was aware of this, he has known this for a while – but it still hit him quite hard.

it was horrible, really, to see a light so bright become dim because it cannot see itself – it only sees the other lights, and becomes lost in their glow, mistakenly led to believe he does not shine at all.

it certainly does a number on the sight to gaze directly at the sun.

perhaps if he was brighter, if he was made of something different, he, too, would shine – would be loved.

you’ve always compared idolish7 to the planets in the sky, and fittingly so, as to you, a friend and fan, they are the center of a greater something. something only they can create, something that is tried and tested and truly theirs, because they shine brighter than all the stars combined, and because they deserve to have their place in the universe.

if nanase riku is the sun, a sense of purpose, then iori izumi is the moon, instinct. nikaido yamato is jupiter, expansion. nagi rokuya is saturn, responsibility. tamaki yotsuba is uranus, freedom. osaka sogo is mercury, adaptability. 

izumi mitsuki is venus, love.

for it is not love if it is not izumi mitsuki. it is not izumi mitsuki if it is not love.

you just wish he knew that.

which is exactly why when he got offers to mc on variety shows, you encouraged him to take them, to try them – maybe he’ll end up liking them. he is really funny, after all, a natural conversationalist. he is exactly the type variety mc’s like to interview the most, you’re almost certain he would be good at the job.

and he was – he was so good, in fact, he earned idolish7 their very own namesake show, with him as the mc.

he finally had something for himself, something that was purely his, something that defined and solidified his place in idolish7. something that made him irreplaceable.

seeing mitsuki try so earnestly and work so hard, you honestly didn’t know what to do. sometimes, you’d want to say “good luck!”, but other times you feel a “you don’t have to work so hard” would be better, as he was literally working himself to the bone to please everyone he possibly could – for what is he, if not love?

he never desired whatever side parts come with fame – he simply wanted to make people happy. that was his one true ambition, his goal. he doesn’t need anyone to love him, as long as they love the things he loves – as long as they love idolish7. it would sting, of course, to be left behind, to be unfavored, but he supposed he could live with that reality. he was finally accepted after all those failed auditions, he was doing what he loved, with the people he loved by his side.

he believed he could somehow get used to being disliked.

being disliked for doing something he loved however, that was a different story. 

he thought by mc-ing he could get closer to the others in popularity – and, from a certain point, it was true – his popularity did rise a bit, and he definitely did receive more fan letters and positive comments now, but the fated encounter and the unfortunate “he’s so annoying, i wish he would shut up” would continue to ring in his head for a long while to come.

he has just built up his confidence and stability like a fine tower of cards, fearing the slightest gust of wind lest it gets knocked off and tumbles onto his wooden desk in a messy pile – but instead, someone kicked the desk and the cards flew off and onto the cold, harsh ground, such a far distance off.

nagi had attempted to salvage the situation to the best of his ability, but lifting the cards off the ground isn’t going to rebuild the tower – mitsuki will have to do that himself.

handing him the cards while he does so was a simple act of kindness on your part.

“mitsuki?”

he startles mid stretch, an earbud falling out as he turns his head.

“[name]? what are you still doing here?”

“i was looking for you, then i ran into iori– he said i’d find you here,” you made your way over to sit next to him on the floor, sharing a look through the mirror facing you, “what are you doing here so late?”

“y’know, just practicing. gotta catch up and stuff, haha.”

“you’re already good enough as you are, mitsuki. you don’t need to chase after anything or anyone.”

he heaves an exhausted sigh, fiddling with the wires from his earbuds, “i do, though. i’m smaller than the others so i’m often off beat during the choreographies. i need to do more work to make sure i stay on.”

“you shouldn’t work so hard all the time. you’re tearing yourself apart trying to do this and that all at the same time – i understand your intentions, but i feel the way you’re going about them is going to bring you ruin in the end. as a friend first and fan second, i care for your health, and i don’t want to see you destroy yourself.”

“i’m not as good as them th–”

“yes, you are. you’re too absorbed in seeing them as the brightest lights to see yourself shining just as much as them. popularity polls don’t define who you are as a person, or how much you work, or how hard you try. the others know that, though, and so do i. we all see how much effort and care you put into your work, mitsuki – we know you pour out your heart and soul into everything you do, desperately trying to make it the best, trying to make people happy with you, and you do. the disapproving voices simply sound louder to you at this point in time, because those are the ones you’re most exposed to. it is however not hatred and dislike that kills entertainers, it’s love.”

the ginger listened attentively, taking your monologue in, dissecting it bit by bit. though he seems to disagree, he does understand your view and he respects it – he just doesn’t quite understand. he looks up at the mirror, staring in your eyes through it, and his seem to shimmer a tad more than they normally would under the studio lights.

“why love?”

the smile on your face feels a little melancholy, and again, he finds himself not understanding why.

“love can be overbearing and suffocating. sometimes we love things too much – so much we would kill just to keep them to ourselves. we destroy ourselves in an effort to make our loved ones happy or proud, completely blind to our surroundings becoming hazy and hard to navigate, and when you come to, you find you’re all alone in a room once filled with people. love changes, sometimes not in a good way. much like the stars burn up and disappear, the planets, too, will be destroyed by the sun,” you turn to him then, and there is a singular tear streaming down his face. you reach out to wipe it with your finger, and he blinks, “i don’t want to see that happen to you, because to me, you are love.”

“the destructive kind?”

“no, the beautiful kind. i see pieces of you in everything i hold dear, because i hold you dear.”

you see him smile for the first time that night, and it is beautiful, blindingly so – brighter than the white leds above his head. 

“i hold you dear, too.”

there’s a comfortable silence as you gaze at each other, the instrumental to their new song faintly heard from his long discarded earbuds on the floor.

“hey, did you know venus is the brightest planet naturally visible in the night sky?”

perhaps the planet of love itself was destroyed by being loved too much, but not izumi mitsuki – never izumi mitsuki.

izumi mitsuki loved many things. he loved iori, ZERO, re:vale, idolish7 – the list goes on. he was a lover, raised to love the things and people around himself.

“oh, really?”

but izumi mitsuki was also loved. loved by his fans, group mates, parents – by you.

the izumi mitsuki you knew had his love returned to him tenfold by his surroundings – be it the flowers his eyes linger on, the deep orange hues of the setting sun as they caress his face, the stray pets he feeds when he sees them – everything.

the izumi mitsuki you know is loved.

“yeah.”

maybe one day he will learn to love himself, too. 

ੈ✩₊˚TAGLIST : @gabirii //ask/comment or fill form to be added/removed! (if you’re in bold i can’t tag you)

[sweetbillwriting]

The Key To His Heart - VII

Characters: AU Bill Skarsgård where his life changes in 2013 and later 2019.

Setting: L.A, 2024 but in an alternative universe with Bill having a completely different life.

Warnings: 18+, NSFW, heavy themes.

Notes: It took some time for me to write this chapter but it feels like inspiration is back and I will have more time in December.

Bill could feel the smile on his lips already when he woke up. It felt like the sun was shining on him even if the dark curtains didn't allow any light in. He could see Sienna's face in his mind just as clearly as if she had been lying next to him, and it made him stretch out a hand to feel if she was there. The only thing his hand met was the edge of his laptop, still upright and opened. Like teenagers, they hadn't been able to say goodbye to each other and instead slept next to each other. They had played some sort of horny, silly game where they prepared for bed together and also could show their naked bodies to each other. They really were like teenagers, and Bill could still feel a stiffness in his member. She was so beautiful, and he couldn't understand why she was so shy about letting him see her body, especially the scar from her c-section. He loved it; it showed a story, a part of her, and he couldn't wait to drag his fingertips over it. He looked at the laptop screen, seeing that she had left the chat. He wasn't surprised because she had probably left her son in school and gone to her other job, as a babysitter to a rich family’s two-year-old son. Being a painter didn't always give her enough money to support herself, so she worked for them when it was needed. He was impressed by how she didn't let her dream go, even if it was hard. Her passion was sexy in his eyes.

Bill stood up from bed, still naked after their little game, and walked to the shower. He couldn't stop thinking about Sienna, so he didn't even think about needing to date six other women. Or now it was seven, but he didn't know that until he walked down to the kitchen for breakfast with them all and met Sandra by the stairs.

She had gone home to take care of her father, who had fallen down the stairs, but now she stood there with glowing red hair in a simple white dress. She was beautiful, but nothing could compare to Sienna, even if she most often was dressed in a big t-shirt and soft shorts when they were talking. Bill once again realized how much he actually liked her; he didn't even look at other women the same way anymore.

“Hey?” He said, confused, while walking down the stairs. Sandra looked up at him with a smile.

“I'm back..!” She sang playfully and turned towards Bill, who scratched behind his ear. One more woman to disappoint.

“Yeah.” He forced a smile, but she didn't seem to notice and stretched out her hand towards him. Bill took it doubtfully and gave her a friendly hug.

“How is your father?”

“He’s okay. Now. Or okay enough, he thought I should come back here, so I did.”

Bill smiled, surprised. He couldn't really see how a father could encourage his daughter to fight against other women for a man. He himself thought his daughters were way too good for that.

“Don't let him be wrong,” she teased and twirled her hair between her fingers. Bill laughed, an acted laugh, but then looked towards the kitchen, where he could see Esmeralda looking at them. A lump formed in Bill's stomach. He really didn't want to fool them, but he felt obligated. He just needed to get this done. The next day he would go to New Jersey and finally have Sienna in his arms.

Bill said good morning to all of them but lingered on Esmeralda, who watched him with a warm smile. She would have been the girl he would have picked in the end; he could feel it in his bones, but everything changed the day Sienna came to his bedroom. He hadn't even given her his full attention before that, but everything changed then and there because he could feel himself becoming the man he actually wanted to be by just being in her presence.

“Do you want some coffee?” Asked Rose sweetly, and he looked down at the short girl.

“Yeah, yeah, that would be great,” he answered with a small smile. Coffee was exactly what he needed. Or a whiskey.

They sat down by his long dinner table for breakfast. He could hear them all small talk but not about what. For some paranoid seconds, he imagined them talking about him and Sienna but shook that off.

“Ehm, Bill?”

He looked up at Tiffany’s friendly face next to him. She looked embarrassed, but he realized quickly it was secondhand embarrassment for him.

“You've spilled some yogurt on your shirt…”

He looked down on his dark blue t-shirt, where now dripples of white yogurt stained his chest. He had been too lost in his own thoughts and sighed loudly. He knew he could be clumsy but had hoped it wouldn't come out in front of the women, and especially not be shown on TV.

“Fuck…” He took his napkin to try to rub it away, but a white stain stayed there and reminded him how bad his situation was.

Odette stopped next to him, looking at the stain then his face. She had an envelope between her fingers but was doubtful if she should give it to him at that moment. Bill gave her a strained smile and took the envelope. Better to just get it done. He stood up after he had opened it and read out loud:

“Good morning! No one has missed that you seven women here again, and we welcome Sandra back to the Skarsgård residence…” Bill looked up at Sandra, and some of the girls gave her a halfhearted applaud. No one was really happy to see her, but Bill was the only one who succeeded in looking like he was.

“To welcome her back, she will be the woman going out with Bill on this day.”

Bill looked up and met Violet's eyes. She didn't look that happy at all, and he had heard from Herman that she was annoyed they would once again be leaving his home that weekend. Bill thought to himself that she would have been even more upset if she knew his plans for the weekend. Bill then looked at Maria, who instead looked at Sandra. He could see irritation in her eyes while Sandra just smirked, pleased. He thought to himself that the competition really brought out the worst in the women.

×××

Sandra is back, and I must go out on a date with her. I don't even know her, really. Is she nice? She gives me a bad feeling, but maybe that's just because I don't want to be here.

He sent the message to Sienna and got a quick answer back.

She's nice, but I think she's been a bit irritated that she hasn't gotten so much attention from you. She seems to be irritated with many of the girls also. And she hated that I always sang haha.

Bill smirked to himself while he dressed for the date. He had heard her sing those times they left their call on while they were doing mundane things. She could hit notes, but it was nothing special. It hadn't annoyed him at all and didn't become more than just a background sound.

They continued their conversation, mostly about Sienna's work day and plans for the weekend, while Bill made himself ready for the date. Talking to Sienna made it easier, and it felt less like he cheated on her.

He met Sandra on the porch. They had been told to dress up, but he wasn't prepared for her to wear a long-sleeved sequin dress in silver. He himself wore a light gray suit and a white t-shirt to dress it down a bit. She smiled brightly at him and stood up on her toes in her silver heels to kiss his cheek.

“I've looked forward so much to this!” She said excitedly and took his hand in hers. It was obvious she was really comfortable with touching him, a thing not many of the girls had been. Bill smiled and hugged her hand in his.

“Me too; it feels like we haven't talked that much, and then you left and Sienna and—”

He swallowed hard. Why did he bring Sienna up? Oh right, because he couldn't stop thinking about her and probably just searched for a reason to talk about her.

“...It has been a lot, but now you're back and things will probably calm down,” he added, laughing a little to cover up his mistake. Sandra smiled and laughed too. They were driven in a limousine to their dating spot, a big yacht decorated with fairy lights; light Sandra's sequin dress caught.

“Oh my god! That's so pretty!” Said Sandra and took his hand while they moved to the boat. Bill just smiled and once again thought about Sienna. He knew she had promised her son pizza that night just because he would be sleeping at his grandma's place the whole weekend, so the two of them could have alone time. He looked at Sandra's beautiful profile and then at the yacht. He would rather eat greasy pizza with Sienna and her little son.

Sandra and Bill talked about light subjects, like fashion because of her work and literature because of his work. She was cultivated and intelligent, but still Bill didn't feel a thing. He had always been a monogamist, and when he liked a woman, everyone else faded into the background. He knew it was what was happening; Sienna had taken over his mind, and in such a short time she had wrapped him around her finger.

“So Sienna also left?” Sandra suddenly asked. It felt like he hadn't been completely present until he heard her name, and he looked at Sandra with big eyes.

“Yeah, yeah.” He answered and nodded slowly. “Personal reasons...” he added and continued to nod. Sandra looked at him in silence. She looked after microexpressions because even if Bill was a good actor, he had shown something when he said Sienna's name. A flash of something had come over his otherwise neutral expression. He could smile and laugh with them all, but this was another positive feeling that was shown in his eyes that she hadn't seen before but that she now could see again.

“Were you disappointed?”

“Hm?” Bill looked at Sandra, trying to win time, and Sandra instead realized she needed to broaden her question to not make it seem like she accused him of something.

“Did you get disappointed when both of us left?”

“Of course. I hadn't spoken much with anyone of you, and Sienna chose to leave-”

Bill swallowed hard. Once again, he had led the conversation to Sienna. “And you were probably in distress because of your father…”

He played around with his food on the plate.

On a boat near them sat Herman in front of a screen, seeing Bill's obvious discomfort, and bit his fist. He could see on Sandra's face that she was suspicious of his behavior. Herman could also see that his friend was really trying to act interested in the date, but Sandra was too quick with reading him.

“Have you even talked?” Asked Sandra after a minute of silence. Bill looked up at her. The candlelight reflected in his big green eyes, and he licked his plump lips. His beauty made Sandra just irritated at that moment, and she crossed her arms.

“Not much when she was here, but everything changed-” Bill sighed deeply. He should have pretended like he didn't understand her question, but his heart seemed to want to talk instead of his head. “Fuck…” he said and dragged his hands over his face.

Sandra scoffed and shook her head in disbelief.

“I came back to a guy who’s hung up on a girl who actually left? By her own choice?”

“It's not that easy,” said Bill with an apologetic voice and looked at her stressed when she stood up from the chair.

“I guess not because here we are, even if you clearly aren't interested in anyone other than her!”

“It wasn't planned, and the production-”

“Bill, Bill, Bill…” Shouted a cameraman and stopped him from talking. Bill looked at them in belief they had stopped filming.

“We don't talk about the production,” continued the cameraman with a headset on, clearly getting directions from someone else. Bill sighed and looked at Sandra, who sat down but with crossed arms.

“Turn this boat around or I will report you for kidnapping,” she said determingly. Bill looked at her, then the cameraman. A few minutes later, the boat turned around.

“I'm sorry, Sandra…” said Bill lowly and dragged a hand over his neck.

“Yeah, yeah. All men are assholes after all,” she accused bitterly. Bill didn't say anything because it wasn't worth the debate. He was, after all, a bit of an asshole.

×××

Bill was really nervous the next morning that Sandra would have spilled the beans to all the women and he would meet an angry mob when he walked down the stairs, but there was nothing like that. Once again, he took his round of saying goodbye to them before they would leave. Neither seemed to be upset. Maria looked hurt though when he moved away when she tried to kiss him, and she wasn't the only one who tried doing that. Esmeralda also tried when she sat down in his lap in her bed. Bill smiled strained when she moved up in his lap, feeling her thigh push against his crotch. He moved carefully so she wouldn't sit as close.

“Is it something?” She asked nervously when he moved, so she sat further out on his thigh.

“No, no. It was just uncomfortable,” he said with a low chuckle.

“Oh,” she laughed softly and dragged her hand over his back.

“It feels like we haven't got so much time together this week. Like, I kind of thought I was your favorite,” she teased and gave him a small smirk. Bill laughed and scratched his ear in discomfort, but Esmeralda just interpreted that as him not being able to talk about that. She knew he couldn't say what he felt in that way, but she was quite sure she was his favorite. It was either she or Tiffany.

“Will you get home this weekend?” He asked, and Esmeralda made a face.

“Yeah, I guess I must. I would rather stay here, with you.”

Bill smiled but felt his heart beat due to bad conscience.

“Yeah…” he said and nodded a little.

“But I understand you want to see your daughters. Of course. And I want to see my son,” she continued, and Bill continued to nod.

“I know you can't talk about your date with Sandra, but... She is a weird one.” Esmeralda lowered her voice like she was afraid someone would hear her. Bill swallowed hard, once again afraid Sandra had said something.

“She acted this morning like she knew you would pick her or something and told us that “we're just here because you can't force us out." Esmeralda laughed in disbelief, shaking her head. She was sure Bill didn't have an interest in Sandra, so Sandra's words didn't make sense. Bill furrowed his brows and faked confusion. He laughed a little, even if he knew Sandra meant something else.

“I can't really talk about this with you, but... That was a strange thing to say,” he just said and patted Esmeralda's thigh. He did it as some sort of apology but stopped when he thought about Sienna. Even such a thing felt wrong.

“It's time to say good-bye now,” he said and demonstratively looked at his watch. Esmeralda nodded and leaned in to kiss his lips, but Bill steered his face away and gave her a hug. Esmeralda tried again, but Bill did the same thing. She looked at him confused and smiled a little, wondering what had changed.

Bill took a deep breath before going to Sandra's room, afraid it would turn into a confrontation, but met an empty room. He wondered silently if she would come back. It didn't really matter if he was honest.

×××

Bill took the flight to New Jersey later that day, a six-hour flight that made his back hurt and his knees sore from the seat in front of him. He hated flying coach and rarely did, but it had been the flight that would have taken him to New Jersey the fastest, where Sienna would wait for him at the airport. While waiting on his suitcase by the conveyor belt, his nerves started to itch his skin. Maybe it would be totally different in reality? Maybe he wouldn't feel a thing? Was it possible it was just a hangup and he would regret every sweet word he had said to her? He almost missed his suitcase because of his loud thoughts but took it and moved towards the exit where Sienna would wait for him, even if his nerves pulled him in all different directions.

He didn't see her at first, and he joked with himself that she had left when she had seen him. He didn't really want to confess to himself; it was a real worry, but it was just then he saw her. She wore a white tube top and a denim skirt, perfectly matching his white t-shirt and jeans, and had her shoulder-length hair up in a half-updo. She smiled brightly, and Bill could feel how his nerves changed from pessimistic to optimistic and almost drunkenly excited. She was gorgeous. He felt his heart beat like a drum in his chest and his fingers around the handle of his suitcase shook. Was he in love already? Could it be so fast?

“Hey…” said Sienna shyly and looked up at his broad smile. She giggled a little, and he felt his confidence go up.

“Hey Sienna,” he said and played with the handle of his suitcase. They watched each other closely, just as full of hormones as teenagers, and Bill finally dared to lay his hand on her cheek and bend down to kiss her glossy lips. She giggled excitedly into the kiss, and Bill smiled and kissed her again more determined. He let his forehead linger against hers and looked into her hazel eyes.

“Shit Sienna… God, what are you doing to me?”

She smiled brightly, and this time she took the initiative to kiss him, but Bill was the one to deepen it, so they stood and made out way too intimately at the airport. It felt like they had waited so long to be near each other, even if it was just two weeks. They already knew so much about each other; still, this was the first time they actually touched each other. Bill felt a stir in his lower belly and knew it was time to stop. He made a humming sound when they pulled away from each other, and Sienna dragged her hands over his muscular chest.

“Wow,” she said with almost a moan, and Bill smiled playfully. He had thought he knew what he searched for in the show, but this was so much more. None of the other girls had been close to making him feel this way. It felt like he was flying while they walked hand in hand to Sienna's little Kia.

×××

Bill didn't care that they lived different kinds of lives, that he earned more money, had a more luxurious lifestyle, and lived bigger, but it was obvious Sienna was embarrassed when he looked around in her small one-bedroom apartment. The bedroom was her son's room, a kid's bed, and a desk with zebra toys standing in a row, from biggest to smallest. One of the walls was covered with Winnie the Pooh with friends. It was made by Sienna, and Bill smiled to himself. The living room was so small her couch stood in line with her bed. She had a smaller TV, but otherwise the living room was full of canvases, both painted and empty ones.

“I've tried to find a bigger apartment, but..." She stretched the truth while trying to find a place for Bill's suitcase. Her eyes were downcast, gazing at the floor the whole time. Bill took her hand in his and pulled her close to his body.

“You really inspire me, you know that?” He said it with a smile. Sienna furrowed her brows and laughed in disbelief.

“Yeah? Thinking about writing about someone poor?” She laughed again and looked away. Bill took hold of her chin and gave her a kiss.

“You fight for your dream and do it well. You work hard and embrace your talent.”

Sienna smiled with a blush and then kissed him again.

“You explained yourself now.”

Bill chuckled and shook his head.

“Shut up.”

“Did you tell me to shut up?” She said, amused, and looked at him with big eyes.

“Yes.” He looked at her with sultry eyes and then kissed her passionately. Sienna let go of his suitcase so it fell to the floor and as she drowned in his kiss. A few seconds she wanted to cry because she had given up meeting a man like him, but the lust took over when his lips moved down her neck and chest. His lips were so soft and full, nothing like any man she had been with before. She breathed heavily and dragged her hands over his chest and upper arms, wanting to feel skin but couldn't find it. Bill understood what she searched for and pulled off his t-shirt fast so his hair got messed up. It didn't matter though because Sienna dragged her hands through it while they kissed, then daring to touch his broad chest and abs. She moaned by seeing and touching his body finally, but Bill thought it was his kisses. He, in his turn, pulled down her top together with her strapless bra and dragged his hands over her chest. When he realized he couldn't kiss her breast without bending down uncomfortably, he pulled her up over his hips and carried her to the queen-sized bed in the corner. He sucked her nipple until it got stiff and then nibbled it lightly. Sienna didn't know what to do with herself when she looked down at Bill. He was so gorgeous and now made her feel her panties stick to her skin. Maybe it was too early to sleep with him, but she didn't care. It felt right. 

Garment after garment was pulled off until they could finally see every part of their skin. Sienna swallowed hard by seeing his physique. He didn't have anything to be ashamed of; he was broad, slim, and big in the right places. She followed the lines on his hips down to his member with her fingers while he stood on his knees between her legs. She smiled with a blush but became uncomfortable when Bill moved down and started kissing the scar on her lower belly. 

“You're so beautiful,” he said when he noticed her tense up. 

“Not there,” she said with a laugh. She tried to sound like she was joking, but her voice was full of doubt. 

“Everywhere…” he answered and kissed the scar again. Sienna smiled and relaxed under his lips but tensed up later for other reasons, his lips right where she wanted them…  

××× 

They lay together tightly between Sienna’s cherry-red sheets. She didn't want anything else than to lie like that with him but was almost afraid to do so. He had become hard twice now, while they cuddled and gave her a hard pounding instead, so hard she now was sore. She had loved it, but now she wanted to lay just like that, on his chest, dragging her finger tips over his soft skin. 

“I haven't… Been intimate with anyone for several years,” she confessed suddenly, and Bill looked down at her while she looked up. 

“Actually, I haven't been with anyone since I was with my son's father…” 

Bill dragged his fingers through her hair, waiting for her to tell him about it her way.

“I guess you've understood he isn't a part of our life…” 

Bill nodded a little but didn't say anything; letting her continue with her own words. 

“I was 22 when I got pregnant. We had been together for two years, but... I was the other woman. He was married, and I waited for him for two years…” 

She talked with a low gaze but didn't cry, even if Bill wouldn’t have minded if she had needed to. He swallowed hard. Cheating was a big no-no for him, but he could see in this situation that Sienna was young, in love, and naive. She also seemed to understand that it was a bad decision. 

“He said he would leave his wife and be with us, but... It never happened. I waited and waited... Ah shit, stupid, stupid… I really thought he would leave her even if he didn't even contact me anymore. I just… Waited. Then he showed up one day, just like that, divorced and suddenly wanted a new chance. But when he realized his son wasn't ‘normal,' he left again.” Sienna shook her head, like all of it was silly. Bill looked at her carefully and finally spoke up. 

“We all do stupid shit when we're in love... He sounds like a fucking idiot, though... Who wouldn't want to be with you?” 

Sienna looked up at him with a smile, but it fell slowly. 

“Sometimes I can't sleep because I just think about his wife, or his ex-wife, I mean. It feels like I should say I'm sorry, but I also can imagine that she doesn't want to meet me, not think about me. I don't know if she knows about me or that her husband has a son behind her back. I don't really know anything. Just his side of it.” 

“No… I don't think either is a good idea to say you're sorry; what's done is done, and she has moved on and so have you. Don't beat up on yourself because of that. It wasn't you who broke her heart; it was him.” 

Sienna nodded a little and moved up so she could kiss Bill's lips, then she laid down next to him.

“The weird feeling is that I can't regret it because I got a son from it, you know? My worst decision ever gave me the person I love the most in the entire world.”

Bill smiled a little, then he looked up at the ceiling, he was thinking about something, and Sienna stayed quiet so he could catch his thoughts. 

“I felt the same. I was only 22 when Kate got pregnant. She was a student in Toronto, where I was filming, and we… Hooked up a few times. I really liked her, but I couldn't see it as something serious. I lived in a suitcase and dreamed about having a big acting career, and then... ‘Im pregnant.’ I wasn't prepared at all. I had just started my career and wanted to party, travel, take drugs…” He laughed to himself and rubbed his eye. “I just thought ‘abortion’. ‘Abortion, abortion, abortion' but she didn't want to do that. She said she would do everything by herself, but that didn't feel good at all, so... I moved to Toronto full time. We weren't a couple or anything at first, but we fell in love during the process, and, yeah, we became a real family.” Sienna looked at Bill with big eyes. She felt honored that he told her about it, something he hadn't talked about in interviews or shared in any other way. 

“When did you get married?” 

“2014. Like a year after our oldest was born. Her family was much more conservative than mine, so... Not that I didn't want to get married to her. I loved her so much, but I didn't really understand why it was so important. I kind of understood it when she left us, though... Me and the girls inherited everything, and all the costs and so on fell on me. It was easy and gave us time to grieve instead…” 

Sienna looked at him with big eyes, and he could see that she had questions. 

“It's okay that you ask things; I just don't like talking with strangers about it all.” 

"Ehm,” she looked down because she felt a bit awkward asking anyway, but after a while she took the courage to do it. 

“Your youngest is born in 2019, the year Kate also died... Was she pregnant while she was sick?” 

Bill nodded; he sat up against the wall, and Sienna did the same with her eyes on his profile. 

“Yeah, they found the tumors while she was pregnant, and she refused to end the pregnancy and get chemo. They said she could probably wait until after the birth with it, but it grew faster than they thought and-” He took a deep breath, and Sienna crawled closer to him and took his hand in hers. Bill's eyes were shiny, but he closed them instead of letting the tears fall. “She died two months after the birth.” Sienna hugged his side, and Bill finally let the tears run down his cheeks. When he had taken some deep breaths, Sienna dared to ask her next question. 

“What kind of cancer was it?” 

“Ehm, brain cancer. It had already spread when they found it.” 

Sienna nodded and dragged her hand over his chest. Both of them carried a painful story, but his was heavier, and she could understand why he had been single for such a long time. 

“But why did you become a writer and not an actor?” She asked after a while of just breathing together. The question lightened the mood, and Bill smirked a little. 

“I guess it's just a coincidence? My plan was to be an actor. I have acted since I was a kid, and my family are actors, but during the pregnancy I started to write, and Kate pushed me to send it to a publisher and... One thing led to another. I don't think I would be a writer if I hadn't met Kate. I would probably continue to act if I got roles,” he said with a smirk. Sienna looked at him amused. 

“I watched everything I could find with you. It was just a couple, but—” 

“No? What? No?” He interrupted her and laughed uncomfortably. “Shit that series was... Fuck, it was so fucking silly in the end!” He laughed and dragged his hands through his hair. Sienna laughed at his uncomfortable behavior and shrugged her shoulders. 

“You were cute, though. I did like Simple Simon a lot.” 

Bill looked at her with a warm smile and nodded a little. He could understand why, and in that moment he was also thankful he had done that role; his understanding of autism was thanks to that role. Simon would always be with him, and he hoped he could get his help when he met Sienna's son. 

For a few seconds, they just looked at each other with understanding smiles. It felt like they had a bond they didn't have before, a respect for each other that didn't come so easily. Both of them then made the move to kiss deeply, softly, and lovingly all at the same time. Their feelings were like fire crackers in their chests. 

××× 

The weekend was full of romance and silly newly in love activities, but still no one of them dared to say what they were actually feeling. It was too soon, and even when they stood at the airport close together, neither of them said anything, even if both of them could feel the words tickle their throats. Instead, they kissed some more and hugged goodbye as close as they could. Sienna did have worry weighing on her chest, something Bill didn't have, but he wasn't the one knowing she would go home to seven other men. He would go home to seven women who all wanted to crawl down in his bed. Sienna felt she could trust Bill to not play with her heart, but she was worried he would fall for one of the others instead, like Esmeralda. No one had missed that they had chemistry, but she also forced down those feelings while saying goodbye; she didn't want their last time together to be spent talking about other women. Slowly they let go of each other, and then Bill left her standing by herself in the big hall. He turned to look at her and thought to himself that as soon as he could, he would make his home to hers.

××× 

Even if Bill was bigger, taller, and stronger than all the people by his dinner table, he felt small when all four of them looked at him with disappointed looks. Herman was one of them, the female producer another; the other two were represented by the network channel that would air the program.

“This is not good, Bill. We can't save this. If Sandra tells the other women, all of them will leave, and we don't have a show,” said the female producer, Precious Daniels. Bill blinked slowly, even if he felt panic in his chest. He wondered if they could sue him for this or something and he would see his daughters secured future, his home, car, but also his reputation disappear. 

“What, what do you want to do then?” He stuttered and looked between the four people. 

“We must talk with Sandra. Write a contract with her, pay her off...” continued Precious and gave Bill a strict glare so he would feel ashamed. In that moment he did because he might have handled this unprofessionally. But his emotions had taken over, and when a memory of Sienna laughing so hard she had spit wine on him came to mind, the shame disappeared, and instead he smirked a bit to himself. 

“Bill?” Sighed Herman, he had probably understood Bill had disappeared into much more pleasant thoughts, and Bill looked up at his friend and rubbed his eyes. 

“We must come up with a long-term solution to this, and the network has agreed to just do ten episodes instead of twelve, but for this to work, you must cooperate, not just... disappear to New Jersey,” continued Herman with a serious expression. Even if he sounded hard, he had Bill's interest in mind. He really tried to make everything as easy for Bill as possible, but it was hard when so much money was on the line. Bill nodded and gazed down at the table. 

“So do you have any ideas?”

Now one of the network representatives cleared her throat and fixed her short hair while looking at Bill's full lips. 

“Well, we must have three more ceremonies with the women, then we need an episode, a staged one, when you search for Sienna, and then we have the reunion that will be its own episode.” 

Bill looked nervous. He knew what that meant. A reunion episode meant drama. Herman had in the beginning promised to make such a thing short and easy, but now it would be a full episode. A full episode for the women to be angry, but he didn't have a choice. 

“Okay, okay,” he said with a sigh and nodded to himself. He just wanted it all to end. 

×

[vigilbutts]

also like i do feel bad for being displeased w/soto! there's a lot of good little bits in soto! but like man i just want them to not abandon characters and plots so much.

[bonefall]

Hey, what makes a character a 'plot device but not a character'? And how do you not do that? I'm trying to do it on purpose but also I need to still make them interesting because it's on purpose, yknow?

A good skill to pick up is to learn to criticise criticism itself. A "plot device" is simply a thing that moves the plot along, it's a neutral literary analysis term! Usually, when people are angry that "a character has been used as a plot device," it doesn't mean they hate plot devices. It means they're gesturing at something deeper.

Runningwind and Bumble are equally plot devices in their deaths. They are both killed by the antagonist to escalate political tension. Runningwind is rarely "accused" of just being a plot device, and yet, we're talking about Bumble for the same thing.

So, why?

Well, Runningwind is just a background character, but in life, he was a part of the community. He was characterized as impatient but responsible. Yet, he wasn't SO important that he died with a bunch of unresolved plot threads.

He is mostly an extension of the entity of ThunderClan. His killing by Tigerstar, and the fear and paranoia that settles on the group after this, feel like a progression of the story insteas of something forced.

Bumble, on the other hand...

Is hated immediately by Gray Wing, when she's established as Turtle Tail's friend. Bumble's abuse at Tom the Wifebeater's hands invites even MORE investment. The rejection is shocking and upsetting. There's a story there about our main characters being imperfect; jealous, bigoted, and judgemental.

But, she is simply killed off. Everything they set up for this character is gone with little personalized fanfare. It's not a tragedy with a lesson about cruelty, or something anyone regrets.

It's just... plot. Gray Wing whinging that no one will like his shitty brother now that his body count is 2.

More than that, in the discussion of women in particular, "Fridging" was coined to give a name to the way women characters often don't get their stories told at all. There is a CULTURAL trend of female characters facing disproportionate violence, for the sake of advancing male plots.

Bumble has a lot going for her. Petal had a lot going for her. Turtle Tail had a lot going for her. Bright Stream had a lot going for her. When they died, they took their potential with them.

It's not always wrong to kill off a character of high potential, mind you. In Gurren Lagann, Kamina's death is sudden and shocking, leaving a massive hole in the hearts of the cast that never heals. Grappling with that loss, but also letting his memory fuel them, is a major theme of that story.

All that to say... there's no formula for avoiding it. You've gotta identify what the deeper issue is, in your specific narrative.

I can't say for certain what that will look like for your story, but here's some things I keep in mind;

When you make characters who exist to die, make sure they're people before you axe them.

Ask yourself; what about them does the cast miss?

If they just miss them because they were (pre-existing relationship), go back to the drawing board.

Fluttering Bird as an example. Who was she? Dead sister. Why do they miss her? Dead sister. No traits until after her death.

Runningwind was short-tempered and helpful. Kamina was a valuable leader who made people believe in a brighter future. Swiftpaw was fiesty and desperate to prove himself. The better characterized, the more profound the loss usually is.

If this is a female character who is dying just to serve the plot, be aware of cultural bias and tropes. How is the gender ratio looking in your cast? Is this happening disproportionately with your girls?

Note how Quiet Rain's litter had both a boy and a girl, but the girl was chosen to be "weaker" and wither away.

And how most of the time in DOTC, whenever a man had to be upset, a girl would get killed for it.

If you ever feel like the character on the chopping block is NOT a full character, ask yourself why it needs to be a character at all. You don't need to spend narrative time building out someone when a literal object of high value might suffice.

"My sister died when I swore to protect her and I can't face my family" = Old. Tired. Ive seen this.

"I lost my heirloom sword when I swore to protect it and I can't face my family." = Fascinating. Why was the sword so valuable? Will they really not take you back? How did you lose it?

When you do kill off "high value" characters, try to make sure you're not leaving too many plot threads hanging. Or at least make a point of how they will never get closure.

[dazais-guardian-angel]

Chapter 110 is 13 pages long welcome to hell!!! so in a lot of ways this is just more fuel for a theory that I've had for a few weeks now, that's only gotten stronger with each recent season 5 episode, which is that the last episode of the season is gonna end on 110, and that Asagiri/Harukawa and Bones have been collaborating to make this happen, specifically because it's a major turning point that would be the only good place to end the season on.

When we started getting especially long chapters again (like from 25-35ish pages, with the exception of 107.5, the last two being some of the longest we've ever had), at first I just assumed that Asagiri/Harukawa got freed up from some other obligations they'd been having to cause the extremely short/half chapters, like promotional stuff for the anime/Beast movie, or working on light novels. But then 109 happened, with the "supposed" death of Dazai, and heavy emphasis at the end on how literally everyone is at their lowest point right now, and I got to thinking. 11 episodes is a strangely specific number for an anime season -- why not 12, or 13, or even 10, like you'd usually see? Why have we gotten suddenly gotten two 35 page chapters out of nowhere, that's almost unheard of at this point? They're both beautiful chapters, don't get me wrong (as always), and maybe A/H simply just didn't want to cut them in halves because they felt like the full emotional impact wouldn't hit/that there were no good cutoff points in them, but you can't deny that it's surprising, after all the shorter chapters we've been getting. Why has the anime been going at such insanely breakneck pacing for the most part ever since around the Sunday Tragedy chapters, even more so than it has in the past? So much so that it feels dangerously close to overtaking the manga?

Well, maybe, just maybe, it's because..... Asagiri decided a long time ago that whatever happens in 110 is the only point that feels "season finale"-worthy enough, in an arc that still isn't anywhere close to being completely wrapped up, and so both the manga and the anime have been specifically coordinated to reach that part within 2 and a half weeks of each other?

I've seen a lot of people now think season 5 will end with 109, and as much as my sadistic side would find that hilarious, I honestly don't think they'd do that and realistically don't want it to happen; it'd be so cruel to cliffhanger the anime for years like that, and just doesn't feel like a season cliffhanger BSD would do, a series that is ultimately hopeful and uplifting. Seasons 2 and 3 had a positive, conclusive ending; the only reasons seasons 1 and 4 didn't was because they're technically not really full seasons of their own, and are more like the first cour of another "season" that also came out that same year (seasons 1 and 2 both aired in 2016, so they're more like one big season, and seasons 4 and 5 have both aired this year, so they're also more like one big season, again taking into account how episodes 12 and 50 are not satisfying finales like episodes 24, 37, and hypothetically, 61, are). I really can't see season 5 ending with Dazai and Fukuzawa's supposed deaths, Sigma being unconscious and maybe close to death, Atsushi being vulnerable and limbless again, everyone we love still vampires, and the entire world being basically doomed; that's just too depressing and not like BSD at all. However, having said that, if it doesn't end there, there really isn't any good place to end the season before that, either, that feels in any way satisfying or like a finale at all. And so, to me, that only leaves after 109: chapter 110.

I think things are really gonna turn around next chapter. Like I said, everyone is at their lowest point right now, it cannot possibly get any worse, the framing of Dazai, Fukuzawa, and sskk at the end of 109 is telling us that; this is the time for the heroes to finally start winning again, with Aya being so close to pulling out the sword, and for all the thematic reasons other people have talked about to death that I don't need to go into here again. This upcoming chapter being so short again makes a part of me wary of 110 being "the one", so to speak, I won't lie, but at the same time, it's very possible that it needs to be that short because that's all the final episode of the season will be able to reasonably fit in, since it's already gonna be VERY close if they do make it all the way to 109. And at the end of the day, I don't doubt at all that Asagiri and Harukawa can make these the most monumental and game-changing mere 13 pages ever if they wanted to; a chapter does not at all need to be extremely long in order to be an important and impactful one, even if short ones we've gotten in the past haven't felt the most important.

An additional thought I've had, though this is much more crack territory than all this already is, is that since we know from Anime Expo that a Stormbringer movie at some point is highly likely (judging from Asagiri's reaction when someone brought it up), it's possible that chapter 110 and thus the final episode will involve the long-anticipated return of Verlaine and/or Adam, or at least some other major reference to Stormbringer, that would naturally and smoothly lead into a Stormbringer movie to explain things to people who haven't read the novel. It would make a lot of sense, especially since the s4 OP has the Old World sign behind Chuuya, which might be a hint that this has been in the works ever since seasons 4/5 were first in planning with Asagiri. We also know that Dazai and Chuuya's voice actors apparently struggled to record their lines together this season, which probably relates to 101 and possibly 109, but it could be 110 too.... I could be very wrong, as I'm no expert on this kind of thing, but I kinda doubt they would bring Chuuya's actor in for just the vampire growls, and Asagiri placing heavy emphasis on Chuuya's importance this season in that one interview gives me the impression that he's talking about much more than just 101/109. But that's the least solid evidence I have, that's just mostly based on vibes I get.

So basically, I think a lot of factors -- the unusual episode count, how close the anime is to catching up to the manga with three whole episodes left, the seemingly arbitrary recent chapter lengths, and the climactic events of 109 -- can tell us that 110 might be a very, VERY big deal. Again, there's of course no way this arc is anywhere near close to being finished, with so much left to address and resolve, but since it is currently incomplete in the manga, unlike the previously adapted arcs, if the anime was going to adapt it at all, they'd have to find a place that feels satisfying enough to end this season, knowing there won't be more anime for a long time after this, and so I think they specifically planned for that, from both Bones' and A/H's sides. 10 episodes might not have been enough to reach that point, but 12 or 13 might have been too many it wouldn't have been if Bones actually decided to slow down and let the story breathe the way it needs to, but this post isn't meant to criticize the anime, so maybe 11 was just right. And maybe Asagiri and Harukawa specifically pushed to make recent chapters longer than usual, in order to make sure that the manga reached the story content in 110 the monthly release right before season 5 was to end.

Is this just copium? Absolutely. Am I going to look like an absolute clown in two days when this post ages like milk? Probably. But the evidence is There, so let me just enjoy my delusions until Sunday, okay 🥂🫡

[motleyfam]

i juat want you to know that "settle our bones" pulled me out of not only a depressive episode but a creative block too!! can't wait to read the next installments if you plan to continue the series 🫶

I’m so glad it was able to inspire you! That’s so awesome to hear ❤️🥺

[vampiricsheep]

Don't think I've seen this question make the rounds before, so:

Do any of your OCs hunt/fish/trap? Who taught them, and why do they do it? Do they have preferred gear or quarry?

[overfanaticelise]

I’ve rewatched sk8 about 4 times by now and I will absolutely never get tired of it