#there's been a couple fan made ones but not a lot! hopefully not from lack of market interest whjbdfbghj

[cozylittleartblog]

things little high school me would have lost her mind about: me making a wheatley pin. available on my etsy!!

[sunhoures]

And It Was All Yellow

pairing: wonwoo (svt) + reader (fem.)

genre: fluff, strangers to friends to lovers, photographer!wonwoo, artist!reader (+ journalist!mingyu)

word count: ~5.7k

synopsis: wonwoo doesn’t believe in love at first sight, but he finds himself falling for you a lot sooner than he thought possible

inspired by: the text post pictured above ^^ & the song “yellow” by coldplay 💛

posted: august 21, 2023

The weather in Seoul was dull—gray clouds and scattered, drizzling rain suspended over the city since dawn had broken. Most people hated such weather, but Jeon Wonwoo was not one of those people. In fact, he found comfort in the gloominess. He enjoyed the idea of having an excuse to stay in. And if he did need to go outside, he liked that there was a lack of the usual crowd of people that would be around if the weather was more ideal. Traffic was less compacted. Lines of any kind were short (or non-existent). The city was quiet, just as he liked it.

On days like today, he preferred to spend his time inside with a book or playing video games. But work had been scarce for him these past few weeks, so when his best friend, Mingyu, had informed him of a job offer he had no choice but to accept it. That’s how he ended up at a local art museum downtown at 9:45 a.m. on a Thursday morning. Despite the doors not opening for another fifteen minutes, a worker had let him in through the front door when he got her attention and pointed to his camera bag. She realized he didn’t have an umbrella with him, and so she quickly let him in. Luckily he had a raincoat over his outfit and a hat to protect his hair, so the most he had to deal with was a little rain on the back of his neck. He thanked the worker, staying close to the door to get any glimpse of Mingyu arriving.

In the meantime, he watched the cars pass by outside, each one splashing water out of the puddle and onto the sidewalk just in front of the entrance to the museum. He noticed it had lightened up a bit outside, the sky turning from a darker gray to a lighter gray with wispy, white clouds. He wondered if anyone would even show up to this exhibit opening in such weather conditions.

About five minutes after he arrived, Mingyu came knocking on the door, covering his head with a magazine. The worker came back and opened the door for him, deciding to leave it unlocked. Wonwoo’s younger friend came in, complaining under his breath about forgetting his umbrella and getting wet. He shook the sopping magazine, droplets of water falling onto the concrete floor. His gray button-up was a darker gray on the shoulders and sleeves from the rain that seeped into it. Wonwoo noticed the worker glaring at his friend for dripping on the floor and tried not to let his amusement show.

“Forgot your umbrella too?” he questioned Mingyu, “Hopefully your notebook didn’t get ruined.”

His friend looked to the bag he had hanging from his shoulder. The bag didn’t have a zipper, but it did have a flap that fell over the opening to keep it “closed” in a sense. He quickly shoved his hand inside, feeling around for his notebook. When he felt the edges of the paper and confirmed they were dry, he smiled, “All good. And why so early? That’s unusual.”

“I’m never late,” Wonwoo defended.

“Yeah, but if I tell you to be somewhere at ten a.m. you usually don’t walk in until nine fifty-eight.”

The older of the two shrugged, “Got an early start today.”

The two men began their work day, Wonwoo fine-tuning the settings on his camera to his liking while Mingyu made some preliminary notes in his notebook. They set up together in the lobby, but once the artist had arrived, Mingyu excused himself to greet her. Wonwoo stayed in the lobby, taking a couple of test pictures to see if anything else needed to be adjusted. Around him several museum workers, journalists, and other photographers were gathering with the artist. Wonwoo wasn’t the biggest fan of interacting with strangers, so he kept to himself. Luckily, he busied himself with his camera which was enough to keep people from disrupting him.

Once Mingyu returned to his friend, the two joined the growing crowd waiting by the entrance to the new exhibit where a ceremonial ribbon cutting was about to take place. Wonwoo found the ribbon to be a bit superfluous. Nonetheless, he stood towards the back of the small crowd, arms crossed and camera slung around his neck by its strap. He was hired to take some pictures of the event and the art pieces for Mingyu’s article, and that was it. It was somewhat easy money for him, but it did take more time and social interaction than he liked. Truthfully, he couldn’t wait for this to be over and go home to edit.

He watched you, the artist, get behind the ribbon and make your speech thanking everyone for showing up. He snapped a couple pictures as you thanked the museum for giving your art a home temporarily. After a few minutes, you ended your speech by giving a small spiel about how art was therapeutic to you and it should be for everyone else. He found himself subconsciously nodding in agreement, because photography was a form of therapy for him as well.

The ribbon was cut after your speech, and the congregation of guests entered the exhibit for the first time. Mingyu and Wonwoo brought up the rear, but they were just as astonished as every single person ahead of them when they saw the art on display. Several paintings of various mediums hung on the walls, varying in size. The large columns in the middle of the room also held paintings on them, each piece of art accompanied by a small plaque with information about it—like the title and date. Mingyu, just like the other journalists, was already jotting down notes in his book, the tip of his tongue poking out of the corner of his pressed lips in concentration. Wonwoo peered around the room, simply taking everything in. His hands held his camera which was still hanging from his neck.

The two friends walked around together, patiently waiting for the other guests to continue on before taking their time in front of a piece to write or take pictures. As they got to the last few paintings, Mingyu made a comment about finding the bathroom, and that he would be back shortly. Wonwoo nodded and continued to snap a few pictures of the paintings before him. He came to a stop in front of a simple painting of sunflowers; the acrylic paint forming a kind of 3D effect on the canvas. He stared at that one for a moment longer than the rest of them, not for any particular reason, he supposed. It didn’t stand out from the others or anything, but he liked it for a reason he couldn’t quite put his finger on.

“Do you like sunflowers?”

Your voice startled him, though he didn’t show it. He merely turned to you, giving you a small nod of acknowledgement as well as a small, polite smile, “They’re fine I guess.”

“This was one of my first pieces I made in art school,” you explained, and it was then he noticed it did indeed have the earliest date posted among all of the canvases in the room.

“It’s nice,” he said, “Congratulations, by the way. You’re very talented.”

Your face broke into a sweet smile despite that being the nth compliment of this morning. Each one felt like a gold star being rewarded to you, and it filled you with happiness. You gestured to his camera, “Do you work for a magazine?”

“Um, sort of,” he shrugged, “My friend does, he just has me shoot pictures for his articles.”

“Oh, I do remember seeing you with someone,” you remembered, “Um, the tall one with the gray shirt, right?”

“Yes.”

“I see. I haven’t gotten to speak with him in depth yet, do you know if he’ll be back soon?”

“He should be returning from the bathroom soon,” he replied. Usually Wonwoo was terrible at making conversation with strangers. He dreaded it. But you gave off such a comforting, welcoming energy. He found himself wanting to talk to you about, well, anything, “This weather isn’t too ideal for this occasion, isn’t it?”

“The rain?” you asked, “Yeah, it’s a bummer, but the turn out was great still. I didn’t think so many people would come.”

“Why’s that?” his brow raised slightly in curiosity.

“I didn’t think my art was special enough to warrant such an exhibit. One of my mentors from art school is friends with the head of the museum, and he asked him for a favor. He’s put a lot of time and faith in me, but I don’t think my art is worth such a grandiose gesture,” you spoke so casually, as if it was fact. Wonwoo found your confession to be a little disheartening. Sure, the art might not have the prestige to qualify for the MoMA or the Louvre, but to someone like him who casually enjoyed art, your work was impressive.

“Well, I’m glad he did. Your work is amazing,” Wonwoo was a man of few words, but he hoped the few he could give would bring you some reassurance. And for the moment it did. You smiled warmly, perking up further when Mingyu returned to the both of you.

“Hello again, would you be able to spare a few minutes with me?” he asked you, already getting his notebook and pen from his bag. You agreed, and the two of you began a conversation while Wonwoo continued to snap some photos of the last paintings. When he was done, he waited patiently for you and Mingyu to finish your conversation. Around ten minutes passed, and the crowd was fluctuating as some people left and some newcomers joined. Wonwoo watched the guests observe the art, getting some inspiration to take photos of them as well. He figured some candid pictures would look nice too. He even got one of you and Mingyu discussing the sunflower piece before he approached the two of you again.

The three of you talked for what felt like hours but in reality was only twenty minutes. At some point the conversation had veered from art to your social lives. Mingyu was a very sociable, outgoing person, so it didn’t take long for him to strike a casual conversation with you. He had learned that the three of you frequented the same coffee shop a few streets away.

“We’ll have to get coffee together some time,” you said, “Should we swap numbers?”

Mingyu happily did so, and the two of you swapped phones to add each others contacts. You made a comment about getting with some other journalists, but you promised to stay in touch before leaving the two men with a “thank you for coming!”.

The rain had cleared up by the time the two friends left the museum. They walked together to the bus stop across the street, waiting for the bus that would be passing shortly. While they waited, they talked about the notes Mingyu got and the shots Wonwoo took.

“She was really sweet,” Mingyu said with a smile, “She told me she didn’t have many friends in the city. We’ll have to take her out with our friends some time soon.”

“Sure,” was all Wonwoo responded absentmindedly, replying to a text from his brother.

“She was pretty, too,” Mingyu added in a suggestive tone.

That made Wonwoo look up from his phone with a pointed look, “What are you implying?”

“Nothing,” his friend shrugged, but his expression was telling before his mouth was, “It’s just been a while since you’ve dated is all. You two seemed to be getting along well.”

The older man rolled his eyes, returning them to his phone as he opened Instagram and proceeded to scroll through his explore page, “I spoke to her for five minutes while you were in the bathroom. I’m not going to fall in love with her in five minutes.”

His friend sighed, “You’ll never fall in love if you’re not open to a potential relationship.”

Wonwoo got quiet then, and the conversation didn’t pick up again until shortly before the bus arrived. On the ride he thought about what Mingyu said. It was true, he hadn’t dated in a very long time, since college actually. Now that he was twenty-seven, it was getting harder and harder for him to find himself in a situation to meet someone. He rarely left his house. He spent his free time doing things alone, and when he did go out with his friends he stuck to them pretty closely. On top of all of that, he wasn’t the most approachable person. He wasn’t a cold person, or at least he didn’t consider himself one. But his looks gave the impression that he was, his sharp eyes and straight-drawn lips making him seem standoffish.

And unlike his friends, he didn’t believe in “love at first sight”. The idea of meeting someone for the first time and instantly being head over heels for them just didn’t connect with him. He didn’t understand how others felt that. When he dated in the past, it took weeks, even months to fall for the person he had a crush on. And he wasn’t necessarily upset with the way he lived; he didn’t mind being alone. Since he was a kid, he always felt more comfortable doing things by himself. But lately he realized his day-to-day did feel a little lonely, especially since most of his friends were settling down with their partners or moving away to pursue careers. Maybe Mingyu was right. Maybe he did need some kind of change.

The first time you hung out with the two men after meeting them at the museum, Mingyu had invited you to join them for lunch. The three of you ate Korean barbecue, learning a bit about each other over a few bottles of soju. Wonwoo didn’t do much talking that time, mostly speaking only when spoken to. You and Mingyu carried the conversations, not that either of you minded. You felt like Wonwoo would need time to open up to you, so you gave him that. Luckily, the two agreed to hang out with you again later in the week. Mingyu had to get some editing done, so he invited you and Wonwoo to keep him company at his apartment.

You were shocked when Wonwoo was the one to engage in conversation with you first, greeting you at the door and welcoming you in. He and Mingyu were preparing a simple dinner, so you sat at the kitchen island watching them cook. You noticed Wonwoo seemed more comfortable talking this time around. Maybe it was because you had hung out already, or maybe it was because he was in a familiar environment. Either way you liked seeing a little crack in the shell that kept his true personality shielded away from you.

Over a couple months the three of you became really close, and you had even met some of their other friends. Mingyu’s office wasn’t far from the art supply store you visited every week, so you made it a habit to visit him every Thursday on your supply runs. The two of you would get lunch or just sit in his office and talk during his break before you returned to your art studio. You really liked the friendship blossoming between you and the two men, but then one day something changed.

Wonwoo texted you out of the blue one Saturday mid-morning asking if you wanted to get some coffee with him. You found it odd that he texted you because he had never done that before. It was usually Mingyu who texted you, or they texted you in a group chat that you had together. Nonetheless, you responded with “of course!” and got dressed.

When you showed up to the café you were confused to see Wonwoo sitting at a two-seater table by himself. You noticed he looked like he put more effort into his appearance today. Normally when you hung out he was in lounging clothes—a simple shirt with sweatpants or maybe loose jeans. The only time you remembered seeing him dressed this nicely was the day you met, and he was working then. But he didn’t mention working today? So what could be the occasion for him to wear off-white pants, a mustard yellow sweater, and what looked like new shoes?

He was reading something on his phone when you approached him, the light from the screen reflecting on his thin-rimmed glasses. When you set your purse down, he looked up at you and gave you a small smile, “Hey.”

“Hi, is Mingyu not joining?” you asked curiously as you sat across from him. You didn’t notice when the corners of his mouth wavered for a second.

“No, he’s working. You’re stuck with just me today,” he joked.

You chuckled softly, “Don’t make it sound so bad. Was there a reason you wanted to hang out today though? I have to say I was a little shocked when you texted me.”

It was Mingyu’s idea, but Wonwoo didn’t want to admit that. His friend had pointed it out that the two of you had never hung out alone. He figured it might help Wonwoo warm up to you more if you spent some time together one-on-one. And even though he didn’t say it out loud, Wonwoo knew Mingyu secretly wanted the two of you to work out romantically—for whatever reason, he wasn’t sure. Wonwoo wasn’t completely closed off to the idea; you were gorgeous and friendly. But he knew it wasn’t going to be an overnight thing. It took weeks for him to feel comfortable with you as a friend, he could only imagine the time it would take to start a romantic relationship.

“I, um, just realized we never got a chance to hang out alone. We don’t really know much about each other outside of our hang outs with Mingyu,” he said. In that moment he also realized how tense he felt. His legs were stiff and knees were drawn in close together under the table. His fingers toyed with the wrapper of his straw from his iced americano. His shoulders were drawn in the slightest bit, and he could feel his posture was kind of terrible. He tried to relax without making it look obvious that he was tense in the first place.

“Yeah, I guess I figured you just didn’t like to socialize as much as Mingyu did.”

“I don’t, but I’m trying to be better about that,” he admitted, and you felt like you might actually be getting somewhere with him, “He teases me a lot about being a hermit.”

You laughed softly, and he smiled with you, “Well, it’s nice to see you coming out of your shell.”

After an appreciative look from him, you excused yourself to order a drink. Wonwoo immediately opened his phone and texted Mingyu.

wonu 🐈‍⬛: ok i’m here, now what do we talk about?

gyu 🐶: well first, don’t be on your phone smh. second, just ask her questions about herself. seem interested. try not to look bored like you always do

Wonwoo sighed in annoyance, ignoring the last part of his message as he turned his phone over on the table. You returned shortly after, also with an iced americano. He decided to give his friend’s advice a try, “Do you always order iced americanos?”

“Only sometimes. My go-to is usually a hot latte, but it’s a bit warm for that today,” you shrugged, taking a sip of your drink. He nodded in understanding, but he was unsure of what else to say. It was so much easier to converse with people you’ve been friends with for several years.

Luckily you had no issue with it, and you broke the awkward silence up for him, “How long have you been doing photography?”

“I’ve done it as a hobby since I was in high school, but after I graduated I started doing freelance work. So, almost ten years.”

“I’d love to see your work some time,” you spoke fondly, remembering the first time you met, “Your shots of my exhibit were amazing, so I can imagine the rest of your work is too.“

“My stuff doesn’t compare to the art you make,” he said it without even thinking. You weren’t sure if you should take it as a self-deprecating remark or flattery.

Your lips quipped into a thoughtful line before you derailed, “Okay, your turn. Ask me a question.”

“Oh, are we playing twenty questions?” Wonwoo joked, sitting back in his chair and sipping on his drink. The sunlight beamed directly across his right eye and onto his cheek. His eye was a deep chocolate brown color as opposed to the dark, cold, almost-black color it usually was. You wondered if his eyes were always that soft.

“Yeah, I’ve just decided. Your turn,” you repeated. You crossed your arms on top of the table, subtly leaning in as a sign of giving him all your attention. He fought the smile wanting to live on his lips, opting to look deep in thought. The two of you went back and forth for nearly half an hour, just asking each other questions. Some answers warranted tangents and story times before you went back to the questions, but you enjoyed it to the fullest. And truthfully, Wonwoo was too. He didn’t think he could get so much enjoyment from a game he used to play with his friends in grade school, yet here he was. On the verge of laughter as you told an embarrassing story from high school in which you were running late to school and didn’t realize until your second class that your underwear was stuck to the back of your shirt.

“I can’t believe you did that,” Wonwoo laughed softly, a crinkle appearing on the bridge of his nose, “I would’ve dropped out of school.”

“I thought about it,” you joked, a bashful smile on your lips as you remembered the story like it happened yesterday, “But yeah, if you’re going to get your clothes from the dryer, double check that your under garments aren’t stuck to them first.”

“Noted,” Wonwoo looked over and noticed that a new couple was sitting at the table behind you. That was the second time new people sat right there. He wondered how long you two had been sitting, but he didn’t want to check his phone in case you got the impression that he was in a rush to leave. Which he definitely wasn’t, “Okay, I think it’s your turn again.”

“Okay, um . . . “ your eyes searched the room for a question prompt, but you were grasping for straws- Wait, that’s it. Straws. The cups of plastic-covered straws on the counter were organized by color, one cup for each color they offered—pink, blue, and yellow, “What’s your favorite color?”

“Hm, why don’t you guess?” Wonwoo replied.

If he was honest, he didn’t really have a favorite color. He supposed if he considered it more he would settle for blue or purple, but he didn’t care enough either way. A good ninety-five percent of his wardrobe was black and five percent color, but he just liked black as a good neutral color to wear. He figured he would just let you guess until you decided to give up.

You thought about it for a moment, but no specific color came to mind immediately. His clothes were mostly black, but lots of people wore black clothing and had a favorite color that wasn’t black. His shirt was yellow as well as the straw for his americano, but there was no other indication that it would be his favorite color from what you could remember. Still, you figured it might be your best guess, “Yellow!”

Wonwoo couldn’t help but smile at your prideful declaration. You said it as if you knew it for a fact.

“Yeah.”

“Wait, really?” your eyes got wide and the grin on your face grew wide. Did you really guess it correctly in one try?

Even Wonwoo was shocked by his answer. Yellow wasn’t his favorite color. He didn’t have one. But you seemed so excited and hopeful and sure of yourself that he didn’t even think twice about his answer.

“Yeah, good job,” he praised you, and he had to admit to himself you looked really cute when you clapped your hands together in a small celebration for yourself, “What’s yours?”

“Pink,” you seemed visibly brighter when you answered. It made sense to Wonwoo. Pink was such a cute, bright, outgoing color. It signified friendliness and sweetness, and all of that just screamed you. Maybe he liked pink too. “It’s been my favorite since I was a kid. Everything I had was pink.”

“Pink suits you.”

You felt yourself flushing at the compliment, your smile turning sheepish, “I think yellow suits you, too. I’m picturing a nice pastel yellow for you. Very spring.”

He tried to picture it: him in a pastel yellow shirt. The mental image seemed foreign, since the mustard sweater he was currently wearing was the brightest color he had ever worn besides white. But he wouldn’t be opposed to it.

“Alright, your turn.”

A few more questions were exchanged between you two, long after your cups were emptied. The patrons of the café that had been present when you showed up were long gone, and new faces took their places. After a while you felt a little guilty for hogging the table for so long, even though it had only been a little under two hours. Wonwoo made a comment about heading out, so you both got up and threw your trash. He walked with you to the bus station, even though he had driven to the café in his own car. You thanked him for inviting you to hang out and told him that you enjoyed it.

“We’ll have to do this again some time, but maybe not tell Mingyu. He might get jealous,” you teased your non-present friend, making Wonwoo laugh softly. He knew for a fact that Mingyu would have no problem with it; he would probably encourage it, if anything.

“I don’t think he’d mind. He’s not usually the jealous type,” Wonwoo replied, stuffing his hands into his pants pockets. He tried to think of something you two could do together, and he recalled that during the twenty—more like fifty plus—questions you had said you liked video games too, “If you want, we could hang out at my apartment, play some video games. And order pizza or something?”

“That sounds like fun!” your eyes lit up at the idea. You had never actually been to his apartment before. Every time you hung out was at Mingyu’s place, your place, or somewhere in the city. You wondered what his apartment looked like. He seemed like the type to keep everything tidy and minimal, “I’ll be pretty busy this week, but maybe we can work something out for next weekend.”

“Cool,” he nodded and kept small talk until the bus arrived to pick you and a handful of other people up. He waved you off politely, and when you were out of sight, he let out a hefty sigh. It felt like a weight had been taken off his shoulders, but not in a bad way. He liked you, so there was this small, subconscious pressure that he felt to be more outgoing. He wanted you to like him too.

Over the next few weeks, there was a shift in the dynamic between the three of you, and it seemed to be obvious to everyone except Wonwoo. You and him had grown a lot closer as you started to hang out alone outside of your usual outings with Mingyu and their other friends. And it showed when the group was together. You always took the seat closest to Wonwoo. He laughed more at your jokes. You complimented his outfits—which were slowly but progressively becoming more colorful. He offered to walk you to your car or the bus or home whenever he could. Yet, still, when asked if anything was going on between you two, he seemed confused.

“It’s not like that,” he told Mingyu when the two were walking to a job they had booked one afternoon—a restaurant opening, “________ and I have gotten close, but not that close.”

“Hey, I know you wear glasses, but you can’t be this blind,” his friend retorted, “You two like each other.”

Wonwoo faltered a bit as he walked, but tried to play it off, “Did she say she liked me?”

“No, but she doesn’t need to. Neither do you, but as your best friend it would be nice if you told me these things.”

Wonwoo rolled his eyes, annoyed that Mingyu had made him think you had finally admitted having feelings for him.

“You two act like you’re in your own world all the time. The guys notice it, too, not just me,” Mingyu continued, “And since when do you like yellow so much?”

The question took Wonwoo so off guard that he laughed incredulously, “What?”

“She’s always giving you stuff that’s yellow. And you started wearing yellow clothes,” Mingyu pointed out. And it was true.

The first thing you had gifted him was a simple pen; it was a sunflower yellow color with black lettering etched on the side that said ‘hello, sunshine!’. He was confused when you had handed it to him that second time you hung out together to play video games. You showed up on his doorstep, telling him to close his eyes and put out his hands. When he had opened them again the pen was sat in his palms.

“What’s this for?”

“Nothing, I guess. I was at the supply store and noticed it by the check out, and I thought about you. So I got it for you. It’s cute, isn’t it?”

Wonwoo honestly had no reason to use such a pen since his day-to-day work required little writing. And most of his notes were made in his phone, but the sentiment behind your gift made his heart flutter, “It is. Thank you, _______.”

And nearly every time after then you had gifted him things similar. While at the park with him and Mingyu, you bought him a banana flavored popsicle, solely for the fact that it was yellow—and you were relieved to find out he liked the banana flavor. When you went bowling with their friends, you gave him the yellow ball and left yourself with the last one which was brown. When you went to Mingyu’s to see the two of them, you had brought them each a keychain from a new pop-up shop that was near your art studio. You gave Mingyu a red one that had a soccer ball on it while Wonwoo’s was yellow and had a sunflower on it. You had initially got it because of its color, but the flower reminded you of the day you met him, so it held even more sentiment.

And recently, Wonwoo’s favorite water bottle had broken, so while you were out shopping you had found one that was similar to it. The cap was a little different, but it had the same shape and size, and it was a golden yellow hue.

When you gave it to him, the two of you were about to leave his apartment to get some dinner at the fried chicken place down the street. You had mentioned that you had a surprise for him, then you fished the bottle out of your tote bag to show him. His heart skipped a beat and a smile crept onto his lips when he saw it.

“I know you probably won’t love it as much as your other bottle, but hopefully you still like it,” you said with a shrug of your shoulders. He took it from your offering grasp and shook his head.

“I do love it,” he said.

“You can leave it here while we go eat,” you turned towards the door, pulling your bag more securely onto your shoulder. But just before you could reach for the doorknob, Wonwoo’s voice called your name, making you turn back to face him, “Hm?”

Your eyes widened when you realized he was a lot closer than you thought, just a foot or so away from you. His tall frame seemed to tower over you, causing you to have to look up at him. You could see a struggle happening behind his eyes, as if he was going back and forth in his mind trying to decide on something. You were about to question him when suddenly he leaned forward and placed a quick kiss to your cheek. The skin that he touched felt hot in his wake, the warmth spread across your face and ultimately your whole body felt heated under his gaze.

“Thank you, ________. For everything,” he spoke softly, his anxiety apparent in his tone. He averted his gaze, looking down at his hands. A bracelet that you had bought him last week was wrapped around his wrist—white beads and yellow smiley face charms decorating it. For some reason seeing the jewelry gave him the little boost of confidence he needed to ask, “Would you like to make this a date?”

Your eyes widened even further, but you couldn’t ignore the flurry of butterflies going wild inside your chest, their fluttering wings tickling your heart. Your crush on Wonwoo had started long before his crush on you had formed, but that didn’t bother you. Because you knew that he liked you now, and you couldn’t pass the opportunity to say, “Yes.”

A charming smile grew wide on his face, prompting you to grin too. Happiness bloomed inside you, and the two of you walked out of the apartment suddenly feeling shy after wordlessly admitting your feelings for each other. Despite his nerves, though, Wonwoo found the courage to take your hand in his as you walked down the sidewalk to the fried chicken place.

Along the way you pointed out some yellow canola flowers planted outside of an office building, and Wonwoo decided in that moment that he would never get tired of the color yellow. The way your face lit up when you saw it or gave him yellow-themed gifts, he would always find it cute. As far as he was concerned, the entire world could be covered in the color yellow, and he would be content just knowing it made you happy. He no longer would appreciate rain; instead, he would look forward to sunny days when the bright, yellow sunlight would remind him of you and your kind heart. Maybe yellow wasn’t his favorite color at first but, over time, it would be.

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[kurorosanime]

"The Sound of the Wind"

Twenty Five Years of Hunter x Hunter (1999)

Twenty-five years.

Twenty-five years. A quarter of a century. It’s a surreal amount of time to think about, yet here I am reminiscing on my favourite anime of all time finally reaching that milestone.

Yes, the original Hunter x Hunter TV anime is finally twenty-five… and a bit. Yeah, I missed that target by a couple months, but it was all for the sake of this blog. Hunter x Hunter (1999) is the first anime that made me truly think about anime as its own thing. I was a fan of Dragon Ball Z, played the games, saw Digimon, basic stuff, but this was the first anime I went out of my way to pirate and that I watched purely in Japanese. It introduced me to one of my favourite mangaka and was the melting pot of some of my most controversial anime and manga opinions, so I feel it is fair to give it the courtesy it deserves.

So, enter the Hunter x Hunter (1999) episode by episode analysis blog. I have always been disappointed by a lack of people treating this adaptation as just that- its own adaptation. It is always inevitably overshadowed, elements of it discarded as mistakes or inferior to some other, later adaptation, and the anime itself is often only seen as homework, just watch the first episode and move onto the supposed greatness that is the rebooted Hunter x Hunter (2011).

I don’t play to radically change that sentiment. I’m just one person. But, I’m one person who will hopefully get found by one or two other people who will see my sentiments and views and think “Hey… this one’s onto something here.” 

As a preface. This will not be a Hunter x Hunter (2011) hater blog. I’ve done enough of those on other channels in the past, and even I’m a bit sick of it. This will not be saying that Hunter x Hunter (1999) is the magically more faithful adaptation. It isn’t. It really, really isn’t, even in that first episode it features some really radical departures from what our author, Togashi Yoshihiro, had written. This will not be contriving Hunter x Hunter (1999) as better than the manga, or 2011, or even 1998, or even the various stage adaptations. 

Instead, I will be viewing 1999 as its own production, comparing it to the manga to highlight what it deems as significant. What deviations it makes and why those matter, how this effects the interpretation of the characters, and really, what it was all about. I’m not a ‘sakugabro’ but I also hope to briefly, whenever my insight is valued or warranted, go through those ideas as well since the animation of this original adaptation is something typically praised in the modern age.

I will also try my best to cover things typically not covered. The English community for Hunter x Hunter (1999) is barely existent as it is, so much is not known about it. From the merch, to the musicals, to the games, and of course, to the supposedly real cut alternate ending that I have seen no sources corroborating but also no real disprovals of it, I will try to talk about all of this. 

I’m still in my early days with this concept, but so far I have blogposts for the first four episodes written. The most significant aspect of this blog will be its pacing, as that will be what gives me time to breathe and analyze- going through the episodes the way I do takes a lot out of me. I have spent sometimes four hours just examining the episodes and seeing what liberties are taken, how they are framed, even what music is used for a given scene, so I can only ever do one episode on a good day. But I hope the end product will be satisfactory.

For now, I will take it at my own pace before, in true celebratory fashion, switching to a weekly format once I’ve ‘caught up’. For example, if I were to catch up today, that would mean I would have written blogposts for the first twelve episodes, and thus my next post would not be until January 22nd, 2025 for the thirteenth episode, on the 25th Anniversary of said episode. So this will be a fairly long blog in the abstract.

As of now, I will not be discussing the OVAs or other adaptations, as they were done by completely different creative teams in a lot of respects. While the Yorkshin OVA carries over a large chunk of the DNA from the original TV anime, it is still lacking that guiding hand of Furuhashi Kazuhiro, the original work’s Director. Similarly, the Greed Island OVAs were mired in production troubles, and while it would be interesting to analyze them as a whole, they do not fit in here. 

Another topic that comes up is the original 1998 Pilot OVA, which was a Pierrot production and more a spin-off of Yu Yu Hakusho when you analyze the staff for it. I also have no real interest in it. Maybe I’ll have something to say for its 30th Anniversary in 2028? But until then, it’s a no-go. Same with the 2011 series and its two films as of now.

If you found this blogpost before I posted anything, thanks for being such a dedicated fan already. I should be uploading my first blogpost sometime tomorrow and from there I’ll try to maintain daily uploads until I reach that ‘caught up’ point mentioned earlier. 

If you want to follow along, I will be using the [EncoderAnon] release, which can be found at the usual places. If you don’t want to follow along… well, I guess you could just not do that. I don’t mind. 

Regardless, thank you for visiting my humble blog. I hope we can see each other off once we reach the 25th Anniversary of the final episode on March 31st, 2026.

[doricntorrcs]

Whilst Laurel had said that she was going to keep her distance from him since the last time he had spurned her attempts to apologise and talk to him, he'd not actually believed she would follow through. She'd said similar in the past and it'd not come to anything, not to mention how their whole interactions had always gone. Laurel had never been very good at letting things go or respecting boundaries when it came to what she wanted. This time though it seemed she finally took it seriously, understood and meant it. She'd provided him with the space he'd requested and honestly, he'd not quite known what to do with the silence of it all.

It was strange really, the anger he felt towards her was still there of course. She'd done a terrible thing. But the quietude the woman's absence left behind... Dorian didn't know how to explain it. It wasn't as though he hadn't been without her before of course but he'd since learned what it was like to have her in his orbit and for all the girls faults, she was energy and life personified. He felt her absence much like a gaping wound she'd given him, both from her actions and her lack of presence and he was worse off for the deprivation.

Trust had always been hard earned where he was concerned, it was one of the main reasons why her actions had such an effect on him. That coupled with his past experiences... well it had set him hard down the path of seeing what Laurel had done as being unconscionable to his mind. Still, both heads and hearts could always be swayed, even someone as stubborn as the dark haired man himself. Such was the burden and charm of being human. He'd always been so set in his mind about things, difficult to sway from his path when he'd chosen it. Very much knowing right from wrong and treating it as thus. It was why he found himself so upended by the others following actions.

To say that he'd faced trials this week would have been an understatement. His quick switches in careers with no warning had naturally left prying eyes wondering. Dorian had hoped that their publicists had managed to squash any negative press but it seemed as though things like this always had a way of rearing their heads in the end. He felt like he'd been settling into the rhythm of being in the new team, proving himself a valuable asset and hopefully earning the support of their fans but curiosity was too high. People were slowly beginning to ask questions about the reasons for his quick exit from his previous team. How he'd left a couple now in swift succession. Honestly, the thought of his private life getting out made him feel physically sick so after a tough day of beating off reporters he'd planned to keep himself to himself in a hole in the wall joint, only to be greeted by the sight of Laurel being interviewed. That in itself wasn't bad per se, at least not at the start but when the topic of the questions seemed to take a turn to focus on him, Dorian found himself sinking further down into the booth, body feeling as though it had been dumped in a ice bath.

What was he liked as a Coach? How did they feel about a male falling into the role? What was the reason for his exit? Wasn't his contract longer because their full time coach wasn't back yet? Has she heard the rumours and is there any truth to them?

They went on.

Of course they'd have a lot of questions, but he hated the thought of Laurel being the one to answer them. She was somewhat of a loose cannon after all. Chaotic and exactly the type of person they would want to hear from given her unpredictability. With how she'd handled a situation to do with him, he wouldn't have found himself entirely surprised if she did end up saying more than he was comfortable with or perhaps refusing to answer at all. Either one of those could manage to fuel the stories currently buzzing about him. Gossip was fickle like that, you could be damned if you do and damned if you don't and given their current state and most recent interactions, he held no illusions that she owed him anything in loyalty.

However, the more the brunette spoke, the more Dorian found himself pushing himself up in his seat. Disengagement turned to attentiveness with each question she answered until the interview had captured his undivided attention. Far from the responses that Dorian had been anticipating with unease, Laurel actually appeared to show a startling openness, and what Dorian could only read as genuine admiration when she talked about him. Before this point, she'd given her usual sass and playfulness in the interview, but that had appeared to melt away and he was left gaping at the level of care she showed through her words. Whether others would believe her of course was up to their interpretation but he was left feeling a warmth that he hadn't experienced since before they'd fallen out at her attempts to allay their concerns and interest in the topic. He found that the dread he'd felt himself being weighed down by was made that bit lighter by her show of support.

It was for that very reason that he'd taken the decision to do something he'd not thought he would ever do after their dispute and his perceived betrayal, he'd decided to linger outside of the Harpies training ground to wait patiently for their training to finish. With how long he'd worked with them, he knew their schedules pretty well at this point. Unsurprisingly, Laurel was one of the last ones out, and still partially shaded by the shadows that the evening cast over them, he let her know about his presence. "You were kinder than I expected towards me. Probably more than was warranted. You know you could have refrained from answering if you wanted to."

[fatherentropy]

I know a lot of you aren't going to read this or care but I needed to get my thoughts about Veilguard out of my head so I can go back to just indulging with it's content without caring anymore so: Veilguard review.

Gonna keep it non-spoilery until it's not then I'll put a big ol warning there for you to swerve outta there if needed.

(warning for 4000+ words) TL;DR:

I think this may become my favorite Dragon Age game to play and I love these characters so much

This is by far one of the worst Bioware games I've ever played

Firstly and to be completely transparent, at the time of writing this I have STILL not been able to get past Lothering in Origins (my computer got worse while i was running a playthrough.). DAII was my first Dragon Age game and is my favorite of the series. Inquisition is pretty good, much better imo after some DLCs were added and it feels more like the full on epic it deserved to be I think. At the end of the day, I am a Mass Effect fan first and a Dragon Age fan sometimes. I'm also not terribly versed in every single development problem Veilguard has gone through except for the unfortunate canning of important developers and some notes from articles I spied.

So, you know, keep that in mind.

I!! wanted to start this by talking about the things I loved in the game. Because I do in fact love this game. It's just that the love gets tangled up in the things that are disappointing because I can see the big picture and see how much better it could have been and it gets wrapped up in one big ball of-not to be overly dramatic-kind of hurt? Thus me needing to talk about it so I can get back to just loving the thing and hopefully not being haunted by my regrets like it's Christmas Eve and I'm a wealthy businessman with questionable practices.

The story is pretty great and fun if you don't think about it too much but Dragon Age fans think about these sort of things a lot and if you put a little scrutiny on some of these things it's gets kinda ???? Funky.

It feels like a lot of the heavy lifting for why anybody is willing to work with you is done by Varric in whatever he was doing the past 10 years which you aren't really told. Except in half a dozen comics and books I frankly don't have the money for and should be bonus material instead of things-you-need-in-order-to-know-what's-up. Kind of spiel.

I also think a major pain point is the neigh absolute lack of contention in most areas of the game outside the bad-vs-good guy shit (and Solas) and the lack of any meaningful choice really did shoot the game in the foot. Now I do understand that choice in particular was a thing that was eventually going to get hit. There were just too many big world wide decisions you've made in the past couple of games and that shit gets kind of hard to keep track of. However, there were choices made in Veilguard that is made for the longevity of the series while also salting the earth and it severely undercut the narrative.

I think one of the things people love and adore about the series is the choices you make. Many of these aren't even about having a hold over the narrative but having a place in it. It's been a minute since I've played it, but I think even DAII has several choices that literally have no baring on anything but netting gains or loses on companions and just choose what kind of menace you're going to be. It's fun! I don't need them to be big. Maybe just if I refuse the reward or push for bigger rewards or yadda yadda yadda. It's the little things! You cannot get rid of these things entirely but boy howdy did they ever try.

I also have gripes about the choices they make you make but I can't bitch about that without spoilers so... LATER.

I wanted to talk about the lack of contention first but realistically it combos in with the choice thing so here we are talking about it after but there is just no political or social nuance in this game at all except for maybe exactly only Solas. After playing the first three games (or playing the last two and reading about Origins like me) you kinda get the impression that Northern Thedas is actually mostly fine except a little inequality and the Venatori and maaaybe the Antaam but mostly everyone's friendly and the South is just REALLY fucking violent about everything for no reason.

With the reputation grind and the narrative's insistence that you hAVE to strengthen your allies and friends this would have been kind of a great time to have quests about winning them more strength by actually kind of doing important shit? Like maybe having to make decisions about whether or not to convince factions to accept help from shady persons or forgo it knowing you'll be weaker but maintaining the faction's ethos. Maybe some negotiations between greater nevarran Mortalitasi politics and why they should let the Mourn Watch concern themselves with shit outside the Necropolis? In fighting between in-faction groups that feel one way or another about choices you've made. It all ends with them helping you in the end, just maybe not as strong or stronger but what we get is kind of some bare bones sidequests that don't always feel connected to the faction you're helping or... important?

Which I don't think I'd have a problem with if there were more of them that gave greater scope to the world but that's also not really a thing. Tbf, there's no reason to have them. You're only grinding to 50 and faction reputation and you probably wouldn't want to do all the sidquests in Inquisition to get there. I just want to have ones that matter, give more shape to the world and aren't hunt-monsters-that-aren't-even-in-this-faction's-jurisdiction. (game that simultaneously made me fall in love with Nevarra while giving me fuck all about it outside Emmrich's quests)

I think it should be noted that this is the first time we are seeing some of these people as not enemies or illusive factions from abroad.

I need you to know this is my third draft of this document and I keep having to leave and come back because I just have a lot of thoughts. So to start off with, I have to reiterate that I am a Mass Effect fan first and a Dragon Age fan sometimes. I can see Mass Effect's influence all over the game and as a Mass Effect fan I have to say: I am... upset. Which is a thing I have been planning to write about since the beginning of trying to write this document but today's dev AMA confirmed that this was supposed to be a "Love letter to Mass Effect 2" and I am no longer upset! I am LIVID.

To recap for those of you who don't care about Mass Effect but are reading this for some reason: Mass Effect 2 has one of the worst main stories in the entire series. Nothing you do actually matters in the long run because ME3 undoes all your work and everything set up for you at the beginning of ME2 you destroy yourself by the end.

Most people regard it as one of the better if not the best game in the series.

This is because the characters are fucking phenomenal and make up 90% of the game so you know this journey is about THEM who gives a shit if your mission is whatever, it's about the satisfaction of winning their loyalty, making sure they're a team so you can focus on being Big Goddamn Heroes at the end (or fucking it up and watching a few or all of them die).

This is the game that made me paranoid about doing all sidequests as soon as I got them because *I* managed to get all my companions to live BUT at the cost of my ship crew dying which I did not know was a thing that could happen and your medic's traumatized lines "I watched them die. they were processed ─ rendered down into some kind of raw genetic paste ─ and pumped through these tubes." haunts me forever. (partly because I listen to the death whispers from ME3 to feel something but nevertheless, the delivery? raw)

This may sound familiar to you if you've played Veilguard because they... tried but there's just a fundamental misunderstanding of how ME2 impacted it's players and how players impacted the world in ME2 that made it feel the way you were supposed to despite the plot being silly.

This brings me back to the lack of conflict which especially fucks over your companions and your relation to them. Yes there's like one kind of weird conflict between Davrin and Lucanis while they're going through shit and yeah Taash and Emmrich have a situation briefly but there's nowhere near the heat there has been in past games. One of your crew in DA2 will straight up tell another one that he is sad her mother died for her not because it's sad but because she's not worth dying for. And that's the game regarded as having the best found family dynamic in DA and probably a better comparison to ME2 in the regard of fighting to keep your crew together.

In ME2, what you do matters and the order you do things matter. Mass Effect has a Paragon/Renegade system which are ways you can change a scene IF you've accrued enough points in being more diplomatic or more points in being a complete asshole. Some of your companions are diametrically opposed to one another and the minute you complete both their loyalty they WILL come into confrontation and if you don't have a sufficient enough paragon or renegade score to get the appropriate response either then or after you WILL lose one of them. If you dedicate yourself to Paragon or Renegade or the other it's easy enough to get the points but if you're trying to get an optimal playthrough, doing solely paragon or renegade isn't always the best way to go.

I'm not saying I want some of your companions to hate each other. I enjoy the friendships they've developed but the moment Rook said something like "We're a family" I cringed because I realized what was happening because they just weren't putting the work in to make that believable to me. People are messy and the stakes in DAV are the biggest they've ever been so our crew should be at their worst and there is material for contention THERE but what we get the Disney Channel version of it where they almost immediately makeup and you're really not apart of it.

One of the confrontations in ME2 pits an Alien girl who's people were forced off their home planet by the own synthetic life they created and have suffered severe biological and cultural degradation because of it and one of said creations who's rebellion for autonomy caused that. The next game, they come back and if you don't (or can't which is an important distinction in it's possibility) use their work as a catalyst for peace but choose one people over the other they both express regret for the loss of the other's people despite the contention between them and stringent desire to save their own people. The kind of orchestration required to pull off peace and this dynamic feels earned and heart wrenching and that is the level of story telling old fans of Bioware expect from it's games.

The 3rd Mass Effect game was largely disliked despite the complexity of choices that intertwined and character dynamics. It was very obvious the ending didn't match up with the narrative spun by the rest of the game and was changed last minute from another which probably would have been liked less but the choice was too big and landed the series in hot water which lead them to try and do a complete divorce from the series with Andromeda which was also largely disliked because it was just a weird jump with a very weak story. I didn't actually mind it. It had no lasting impression on me so I can't tell you exactly what happens in that game but I didn't mind the leap conceptually because I understood they did back themselves into a corner with the last decision made in ME3.

So I sit here looking at Veilguard NOT disgruntled by the prospect of change. Change is usually good and made in order for the greater prosperity of the series. The problems in Veilguard isn't simple change but the lack of care that resulted in a lesser product over all. DA2 suffered in a similar respect with it's over use of previous assets in a repeated and monotonous level design and the fact some fans felt that it didn't successfully break away from feeling like a glorified DLC to Origins. But the storytelling is still done in a way that it lives rent free in many people's minds. It's not an epic, it is a story about some shlub and their crew of messy nobodies who try vainly to protect the city they all live from increasing social pressures of the world which boils over and consumes all of them no matter what you do.

ME2 is about a soldier who is forced to work with a human supremacy agency because they are the only ones that are taking a new threat seriously so without support from the usual greater forces, you seek out specialists and old friends to go on what is quite literally called a suicide mission.

Veilguard is a direct continuance of Inquisition where some random agent is made the herald of a revived religious movement that leaps up around them after an accident only to find out that one of your friends is directly responsible for that and going off to put the world in even greater danger.

Veilguard wants the found family in DA2 to fight a threat even greater than Inquisitions while honoring ME2 (badly) but also there are a bunch of disjointed small focused factions that are helping you and while I think this could have worked and been quite possibly one of the best Bioware games of all time, the ghost of its would be greatness haunts the narrative buried under the bones of development issues and missteps which just makes it hurt in a very not good way.

I don't think old fans who complain about Veilguard are upset it's not the same as what they were expecting but, to go back to my scrooge analogy, we're haunted by ghosts of Bioware past that laid the groundwork for what to expect, and the ghost of Bioware present which is incomplete and the future which can only really get worse under the capitalistic pressures that have long run the video game industry in the ground in the name of greater profits over quality. The only people producing good games at a reasonable price are indie developers who aren't really trying to produce a game with the scope that Bioware games have typically provided.

I'm sitting here and thinking my main take away from this is that I simply don't care about the new Mass Effect game Veilguard is getting abandoned for to produce. If this was supposed to be a love letter to ME2 then it just showed a fundamental inability to create Mass Effect games that would honor it's predecessors while bringing it into the new age and if it somehow manages to be good it's just another slight to Dragon Age fans and the fumbled production of Veilguard. I don't want to see Ryder or Shepard or another N7 specter at this point. I want to see Rook and their crew in a game where I feel okay leaving them in there because DA has a very specific need to abandon it's old protags and I'm not okay with that this time! I don't feel good about where any of them were left and the state of the world!

SPOILER WARNING! I'M NOT HOLDING BACK ANYMORE. GOING ON HERE'S YOU'RE WARNING.

(don't ask me about the image, it was there. it's big, has the vibes. She was iconic for that.)

POV: You are me. Your controller has some slight drift so the little laser beam managed to slip from the target and you're trying to figure out how the fuck you messed up the puzzle because there's no way to get to an island and this is how you accidentally spoil yourself that there's a secret ending and you're about to get a part of it.

Then like the genius I am I googled it again to try and figure out how to get it, skim read something that makes you think they based this off of ME2's model and go oh! Okay. I should look up optimal assignments so nobody dies.

Then I find out Davrin or Harding dies no matter what depending on you choose to lead the distraction team and you just have to stare at a wall for awhile because that is NOT Mass Effect 2 where everyone can absolutely live if you do everything right. That is Mass Effect 1, Virmire come to haunt me again.

I need you to know when I got to Mythal it's almost the earliest you could get to her give or take a side mission because I'm bad at combat and those fuckin' ogres were kicking my ass. So when Rook drops the "We're a family" line while taking to Mythal I had to once again stare at a wall because I already spoiled this for me and I was going "what the fuck are you serious? This is what we're doing?"

I'm telling this to you because I need you to know after I figured all this out I was turning over the plot while going through it looking for one specific thing and that's the narrative that would have supported the kind of storytelling that would have gained the right to kill off one of your companions. (the wording on that was labored but I really needed to say all of that like that because I meant it like that.) It just is not there. Or at least not in a way where it feels like the inclusion of that actually added ANYTHING to the narrative and honestly reading interviews under headlines that say shit like "Devs know that you had no problem leaving stroud in the fade 🤭 and made sure they were gonna hurt you this time" feels like it was literally just thrown in for shock factor rather than a conscious effort to create a compelling story and I'm just not here for that kind of garbage.

Like, I need you to understand I straight up had to save mid mission to kill Ghilan'nain and leave in order to leave and watch the last part of Arcane. I came back and immediately rolled into the fight with her and the bit where you're trapped in the fade and yeah I cried but I was feeling ever so fucking JARRED by the difference of satisfying tragedy I felt at the end of Arcane to that stupid ass bullshit in Veilguard.

And the fact this is a wind up to reveal Varric is dead is just further insulting to all three of these characters. Two returning characters and one new character who, and I hate to be this guy but I haven't seen ppl point this out and as guy who's played a lot of Bioware games, is black. Which, Bioware has historically been REALLY FUCKING WEIRD with it's black companions. (No, I have not forgiven for the shit they pulled on Jacob Taylor and I shan't ever I don't think considering they pulled this.)

I don't mind that they killed Varric. That one I picked up on almost immediately from the hints they were putting down and I was waiting for more hints and shit but the longer it went on I realized the game wasn't even interested in setting up a pretense of giving him and his fans a satisfying ending and goodbye. This man has been here since DAII. There's not enough lingering around his memory because he's competing with whoever else died.

Frankly Rook's connection to him has to be kind of made up by the player because they don't really set up anything for you except you've been traveling with him for almost a year and he's just an amicable guy which also just kind of has to lay on the laurels of having to have known him. I love the cold opening into Minrathus, it's very cool but I feel like THIS would have been the game to go back to it's roots and have a personalized opening to each Rook's origin to establish both a connection to Rook, Rook's place in the world and their connection to Varric and Harding and just had you kind of live with Varric as a leader for a hot goddamn minute making the transition of power feel more natural and not forced. It's weird.

But then the player just doesn't feel like they mattered to the greater story actually. Not as Rook and not as Inquisitor. Not that Rook is a bad character, just weirdly hooked into the plot. Gods forbid your Inquisitor wasn't romantically involved with baldie then they're only role is to tell you every choice you've ever made doesn't matter anymore because Southern Thedas got wiped the fuck out.

I know everyone and their mothers have been kinda leering at Taash's companion quests and like yeah they're not great. Neither is like the Rivain. Like not the map tbc, I love that map and all the maps actually. Down with empty open worlds, long live intentional map design with fun puzzles makes my brain go brrr. Kissing guy who made those on the mouth. At least I think the maps are built around the needs of the script and not the other way around unless problems arise in making the stage (which happens) because that'd be kinda silly. It's just our glimpse of Rivain is around a Grey Warden keep with some chasind stuff and Antaam. All of Rivain is kind of just not about Rivain and it annoys me deeply like where the fuck is the people who aren't Lords of Fortune. I don't even know what the culture is supposed to be inspired by besides like orientalism I guess.

ALSO I need everyone to know I had JUST got done ranting about one reoccurring trope with biracial/bicultured people in another game only to turn around and run directly into Taash's dumbass choice about making them pick between their cultures.

THAT IS NOT HOW ANY OF THIS WORKS.

I'm a Filipino German American and I look Asian so I have to fight to be German American because that's what I fucking am no matter what anybody expects from me from my face. Meanwhile my Pinoy roots were stolen from me by a woman who came to the states with the idea that her kids would be American but that just ain't the way the world works when you're not white passing. You cannot run and "choose" the other culture. You will forever be expected to be what you aren't because you look and there's not a lot to do about that brokeness inside you but try and come to terms with it and embrace all that you are anyway.

I also just find using modern day identity labels to be boring and lazy world building for a fantasy world. Even modern day LGBTQIA+ folks can't agree on what to call our shit and we're so very messy about everything and we have been here for so very goddamn long and have had many different names. That's just a bit of a pet peeve, I'll admit.

I think the crowning moment of Taash's quest their mother's moment when she declared Taash's strengths before sacrificing herself for her and Taash's grieving over her passing but I'm also gonna attribute that last bit more to Taash's VA doing good work.

Think the weakest quests for me otherwise were actually Bellara's? Not that it's bad conceptually. Just that it feels like duct taped together oddly where I kind of lost track of the emotions and logic in any given scene. Like over all I got yeah turning people into demons bad but we go from 0 to 100 real goddamn quick and I just felt left behind. Just confusing. Like it's fine, but confusing.

Kal-Sharok should have been it's own faction and I will die on that hill. Dwarves have gotten the short end of the stick for SO long and they finally have a fairly comparable moment in the story and it's just nothin'. BYULLLShit

You know I haven't really cared for Solas. I think I was on copium for a bit during Inquisition because my friends liked him so I was like "yeah I like this guy" but nah, I've kind of considered him a poor man's Ascian after playing Shadowbringers (sorry) but they really leaned into making him kind of a fucked up dude in Veilguard and I do enjoy him a lot more. But also the Rook/Solas dynamic is so much more messier than Lavellan/Solas dynamic. I feel like it was a loss to not have a meaner romance path there if you weren't a Solavellan. Guys who are dragging each other down to hold the other accountable by the throat.

NGL I think I kinda hate endings where it's like "and the bad guys lost and everyone who lived were happy :)" endings like man I wanna know what they're all up to now so I can be sure they're good. That's probably a me thing but it does put me on Copium that they'll drag Rook and co back out to do more with them but I know I'm asking for too much. I am in pain.

I'm descending into less concentrated rambling now I think I just!! Love the game but like I want it to be good and it's not and that hurts me a lot and I'm afraid what corporate will take from this because it's never the lesson they should because everything is all numbers.

EDIT: oml I forgot the line I tied to complaints I'd have later about choices they make you make. Like it was largely about Taash but also like Neve where the Thread guy is like "yeah we're gonna help you for this" like isn't that why we're here? Why am I getting a say in this? Why is this the place I'm suddenly putting my foot down? Why don't I get to ask Neve for her opinion before I just become the most annoying person in the world about this like ayo? WEIRD

Lucanis, Davrin and Bellara at least straight up ask you for your opinion and Harding, Emmrich and Taash obvs need some help even if they don't explicitely ask for it and this one for Neve isn't even the BIG choice it's just a dialogue choice that can lock you out of being able to make the choice which is kind of cool because it's about the only way to shoot yourself in the foot with any of the companions which I'd like if it just didn't just kind of come from nowhere. It's like Rook suddenly remembered they're a person who has opinions in the middle of a conversation and it's just OK. anyway

[broken-clover]

Digging more into Windy X Windam only leaves me with more questions. Hopefully some will be answered when I finally figure out how to get a working ROM (I’ve seen a couple, but I’ll admit I’m no emulator expert and I really don’t want to fuck up my computer by downloading something sketchy), but based on the couple of playthroughs I’ve found it hasn’t made much sense and that only endears it more to me. I’m a little bummed because I get the impression that there was at least a modicum of effort put in regarding the character concepts. I mean, basic as it is, the cover art style has a decently charming style to it

But everything else just fumbles the bag so hard it’s sorta cute.

That and I’m still amused at the GG bootlegs they got away with. I know no tropes are exclusive to one single game, but...come on. Nearly half the base roster is like this. Just look at them:

First, Big

AKA Not-Potemkin, also holder of the most creative name. You literally could have just called him ‘grappler’ and it would not have been more on-the-nose. I know I only found so much gameplay info but for what little I saw of him he has no personality. The most interesting thing about him is that in his stage there’s a sign with a scantily-clad woman on it, and the only reason it was noteworthy is because that’s the most un-Potemkin thing about him. I have confused his sprite for pre-Xrd Potemkin’s numerous times now. The color palette is literally the same minus the tiny hint of white

Jack

AKA Not-Slayer, also holder of an incredibly generic name, though I’ll admit I have a bit more fondness for this one (because he reminds me of Slayer. I choose to believe they’re related) The fact that he fights with his shapeshifting scarf does give off Millia vibes but tbh it’s just charming enough to where I actually sorta like him. He also throws lanterns as a weapon, and that plus the magic scarf and sunglasses gives him just enough unique quirks that I’m kinda bummed he’s not in a better game

And Stin

The not-Bridget. He’s basically the only character I’ve seen that has any kind of fan content and only one of two that I could find gameplay for (gee, I wonder why...) but concept (and lack of pants) aside, he does have a few interesting quirks. Instead of a mechanical teddy bear, he fights with the moving hands on his hat, which is a neat concept that predates Cerebella from Skullgirls by a couple of years. His brief storyline reminds me a lot of Taokaka, in the same genre of ‘I have no idea what I’m doing here and I don’t care about the (admittedly minimal) plot stakes bc I just wanna mess around.’ And, while I can’t say this for certain due to the limited info, I believe it’s implied that Stin is some sort of artificial human/robot thanks to his mechanical hat, super move that involves a rabbit mech suddenly appearing, and his final cutscene mentioning his ‘programming’ (which could also offer some explanation towards his name, as I have seen it translated both as ‘Stin’ and ‘Stein’) Curious...

The original character concepts and designs aren’t necessarily bad, but I think of the remaining roster Ashley and G are the only other ones that invoke any sort of reaction in me. It’s still a bummer I can only find so much info on the internet about the game in general

[teenmomcentral]

Here are some of the major (and minor but interesting) ‘Teen Mom’-related things that happened over the last few days…

Nathan Griffith and Wife May Have Made Up & Moved to Las Vegas. 

Sin City just picked up a couple of new residents. 

After a tumultuous and law-breaking summer, former ‘Teen Mom 2’ dad (and one-time swole-mate of Jenelle Evans) Nathan Griffith has packed up his collection of cut-off T-shirts and relocated from Florida to Las Vegas, Nevada. 

The news of Nate’s new residence was revealed on social media by his occasionally-estranged wife, May Oloya. 

“New Home… New Life” May captioned a carousel of photos of her and Nathan posing with their dog in front of the “Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas” sign. 

As fans know, Nathan has been in Vegas for a few months, and even managed to rack up some hefty charges in the short time he’s been in town. As The Ashley previously reported, Nate was arrested and booked into the Clark County Jail on July 12 for felony Battery by Strangulation against his sister Heather. (Click here for more details on what went down between the siblings.) 

If Nate and May rekindling their romance (again) or the troubled twosome moving across the country (away from Nate’s children) wasn’t enough to throw you for a loop, Nate’s straight-out-of Bret Michaels’ closet getup will do the trick– specifically his “FATHER” t-shirt. 

Nate rocking his (hopefully ironic) “FATHER” T-shirt comes just weeks after he called himself a “sh**ty dad” on TikTok Live. Nate said he earned the title for not seeing his son Kaiser (whom he shares with Jenelle) in six months, and not seeing his daughter Emery (from a previous relationship) in a year. 

Jenelle called out Nate for being an absentee father back in July after she was asked on social media how involved Nate was in their son’s life. 

“Honestly I will say Nathan is dealing with his own issues at the moment,” she claimed. “But he hasn’t seen Kaiser since Christmas.” 

Nathan still has pending “Battery by Strangulation” charges in Vegas, so it’s unknown if he is allowed to leave the state of Nevada. He is currently sporting what authorities called “a high-level monitoring system” to track him, so it’s unlikely. He is not allowed to have contact with his sister Heather, per a protective order placed after the strangling incident.

His next court date is September 6.

Leah Messer Talks About How Hard It Is To Date While on TV; Says She’s Lacking Sex

It’s been 10 months since Leah split from her fiancé, Jaylan Mobley, after a whirlwind (and photoshoot-filled) relationship. However, in a series of new interviews, Leah made it clear that she’s not looking for a new photoshoot/life partner any time soon. Instead, she said, she’s looking to clean up the mess she’s made of her finances…and maybe get laid.

“I don’t want any distractions right now,” she told told E! News in a recent interview. “I’m just trying to make money, okay? And raise my daughters.” 

Leah— who has two failed marriages under her belt already— said she has a hard time finding someone to date because she’s worried a person will only want to be with her to get famous.

“I think that it can be very difficult to date with the cameras around. You just never know someone’s intentions,” Leah recently told DailyMail.com.

"I would enjoy that, someone to build with, grow with, make money with, absolutely,” she said, adding that it’s ben a while since she’s smacked no-nos with anyone.

“But at this time in my life, your girl’s lacking in the love department and the sex department, just saying!” Leah said. 

As for her breakup with Jaylan, Leah said that, in hindsight, it was a good thing for her.

“I needed that breakup,” Leah told E! News. “I’ve learned a lot from my last breakup and, moving forward, I do feel like my life is just beginning.” 

While her love life is on hiatus, Leah is working on getting her money matters in order. As The Ashley has previously reported, Leah is deep in tax debt. In May, she was hit with a new $290,297 tax lien, bringing the total in taxes she owes to Uncle Sam to almost $780,000.

Leah stated in June that she’s working to get her tax situation under control. 

While Leah acknowledged that she hadn’t “made the best financial decisions in the past,” she’s feeling pretty good about her choices when it comes to bringing up her girls. 

“I want to do better,” she said in regard to her financial mistakes. “And when I’m complete in my life, then we’ll see [about dating]. But right now, I’m good. Stay away from me.”

Kail Lowry Says Her Son Isaac Doesn’t Want to See Javi Marroquin Anymore Because Isaac Has Trauma From Their Divorce

On a recent episode of her Coffee Convos podcast, former ‘Teen Mom 2’ star Kail Lowry talked about her divorce from Javi Marroquin, revealing that the split has had a lasting impact on her eldest son, Isaac.

“Truthfully, and I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, nothing has hurt Isaac more in his life than my divorce with Javi,” Kail told co-host Lindsie Chrisley. “ … nothing has affected him the way that my divorce did … to this day, I see the emotional turmoil that my divorce created in Isaac.” 

As fans of ‘Teen Mom 2’ may remember, Isaac was quite young when Kail and Javi divorced in 2016 after three years of marriage and after welcoming son Lincoln. According to Kail, her and Javi’s divorce also took a toll on Isaac’s relationship with his younger brother.

“So when we split, Isaac was really struggling with his relationship with Lincoln and with Javi because at the end of the day, even though he looked up to Javi as a dad, that wasn’t his dad, but Lincoln still got to go do all that stuff and got to go be with Javi and got to spend that real quality time,” she said.

Though Kail acknowledged that Isaac’s father, Jo Rivera, is and always has been a big part of their son’s life, she explained that Isaac once treated Javi as father figure because the two saw each other more often. 

Kail became emotional while discussing the current state of Isaac and Javi’s relationship–- or lack thereof–- as she revealed her firstborn “doesn’t want to see Javi now,” due to what she believes “could be abandonment.” 

“I don’t know, because it wasn’t like there was a decision made where Isaac’s never going to go with Javi again,” she continued. “It’s just the way things worked out, you know? Javi had a new family … .” 

(Javi and his ex-fiancé, Lauren Comeau, welcomed son Eli in 2018. While the couple went on to end their engagement due to Javi’s Wawa-wandering ways, they rekindled their relationship in 2022 and are still currently together.) 

Kail admitted it’s “really hard” to see that Isaac is still struggling with what happened. 

“ … I can never take this trauma away from Isaac,” she said. “That’s something he’ll have to live with forever.” 

As The Ashley reported last week, Kail recently admitted that her divorce from Javi made her never want to get married again, even though her boyfriend, Elijah Scott, is ready for them to take the next step. 

Amber Portwood Is Getting Her House (And Her Couch) Back 

After three years, a nasty court battle and a series of rented couches, Amber is finally moving back to her Indianapolis home.

According to The Sun, Ambie— who has been living in rental homes since her 2019 arrest for assaulting her baby daddy Andrew Glennon— will be relocating back to Casa de Ambie at the end of the month. As ‘Teen Mom’ fans know, Amber has not lived in her spacious Indiana home since her arrest. Instead, she allowed Andrew and their son, James, to stay in her home so that James was not uprooted from his house and possessions. 

The home— which was featured prominently on ‘Teen Mom’ over the years— has seemingly been vacant since Andrew and James moved to California in late 2022.

After Andy vacated the house, Amber and her other baby daddy Gary Shirley went over there and discovered that everything in the home had seemingly been given a urine bath and the house was covered in filth. 

It is unknown why Amber continued to live in rental homes in 2023, when no one was living in the home she owned. 

The Sun reports, though, that Amber appears to be doing some work on the home.

[pumpkinpaix]

on translation (again), 知己, "soulmates", danmei, and cdrama subtitling

aka, cyan wanders off into the weeds and lies down to be swallowed by the earth because whatever.

almost two months ago, i made a brief impromptu salt post after encountering something frustrating at the end of a long day. i didn't actually want to have a conversation about it, but then everyone kept talking in the replies and i said fuck it and wrote like 7k words in an emotional frenzy before shoving it into my drafts because i couldn't stand to look at it anymore. but hey, i came back to it and did my best with whatever the fuck this ended up being, so here, have the full avalanche of only marginally organized thoughts. take it or leave it.

if you're new here, you may want to read my last big post on translation. there are two other posts linked at the beginning of that one which provide context. they will (hopefully) give you some idea of where I stand when it comes to translation as an art/practice if you don't already know.

i am also going to be blunt: those posts were made over half a year ago and i had a LOT more patience to spare back then for anglophone cdrama/danmei fandom. these days, i can't even browse fic for five minutes without losing my temper, so like. you know. fair warning, I am still trying to be kind, but I hit my breaking point sometime back in 2020 my dudes.

if you're still with me, cheers to u mate let's go

basically: at this moment in time, I despise "soulmates" as a translation for 知己 in the contexts of english subtitles for danmei live-action adaptations. when CQL first came out, I was neutral-critical of the translation--it wasn't what I would have chosen, but I understood why the choice was made, and it was tolerable to me in most cases. there are even certain situations where I still think it makes fairly good sense, ignoring metatextual concerns. however, approximately *checks notes* two years later and after the entrance of SHL onto the anglophone danmei cdrama fandom scene, I've revised that opinion to no, actually "soulmates" is bad and i hate it, specifically for how it's been picked up and misconstrued in anglophone fandom spaces and the consequences thereof. i swear to GOD if i had KNOWN how much psychic damage I was going to take because of this translation choice, I would have salted and burned the earth under it at the outset!!!! hindsight is 20/20 (ha) or whatever!!!

i know that that's a controversial take, but if you wanna hear me out, i shall continue forthwith beneath the cut

anglophone fandom goes fucking wild for 知己, from "omg and they were soulmates" jokes to screaming about netflix's summary for the untamed:

In a magical world of inter-clan rivalry, two soulmates face treacherous schemes and uncover a dark mystery linked to a tragic event in the past.

not gonna lie it was only funny the first few times haha yes indeed these two omg ~soulmates~ how did they get this past censorship etc etc. but now? i just find it aggravating. on particularly bad days, i have to put the internet down gently or I'll start crying.

look. i get it. there is a delight in seeing what feels like a daring flaunt of government restrictions, especially when it's something close to your heart, something close to your personhood. get wrecked, wangxian too gay for the censors etc. we cannot be suppressed. or, perhaps in more familiar terms, "we're here, we're queer, get used to it."

there's a flavor to the way a lot of these offhand comments and jokes about gay couples somehow "getting through" censorship in BL cdramas that makes me flinch when I see them. it's hard to pinpoint and describe--but maybe it's the lack of fear. chinese governmental censorship of the media is. not a joke, you know? there can be severe consequences for crossing the state. do you remember the case of tianyi? do you remember the disappearance of fan bingbing? do you remember li wenliang?

do you remember this post?

what troubles me about 知己 and "soulmates" in particular is how it's often held up as some kind of evidence of how brazen and cheeky the media in question is being--to the point where sometimes people will claim or imply that translating 知己 as anything other than "soulmates" is somehow queer erasure. that 知己 in the contexts of both CQL and SHL carried explicit romantic intent and to not encode that romantic tone within the english translation/subtitle would be, idk, the equivalent of calling wangxian and wenzhou galpals or whatever.

im. okay. im gonna be real with you right now. this just isn't fucking true. moreover, i find this kind of attitude to be such a shallow, one-dimensional approach to the politics of queerness in text, especially in the contexts we're dealing with here. this kind of rhetoric runs adjacent to painfully recent, american-centric chronically online discussions on representation and visibility in pop culture/media that I often find lack complexity and compassion. it feels intensely tied to the american culture of gay pride, the notion that being loudly, explicitly out is the best or only way to embody queer progress and that to do otherwise is, on some level, a betrayal. this isn't even a new conversation. here's a piece that appeared in salon from 1999 in which the author talks about his own misgivings about the culture and focus on pride. it's dated, certainly, but i can't pretend i'm not like. kinda depressed about the fact that so many of his points feel acutely relevant to me, almost exactly 22 years later.

you cannot measure chinese media with the same standards you might measure US (or UK or whatever) media because they are produced within very different cultural, political and historical contexts. being queer in the US or being POC in the US does not automatically give you a privileged understanding of the issues that surround the chinese media industry! i am fucking chinese-american and i had to do a lot of fucking personal work just to understand what little I do right now because it would be ridiculous to say that my heritage somehow gives me perfect access to the whole picture.

i don't. usually like to talk about my academic qualifications--most of the time I see people flexing on that front, I remain highly suspicious because well. look, I also have a college degree in Something Or Other and i was Not Impressed with like 80% of my peers. i know exactly how little you need to do to get a degree at a good, private university in the states. but I think it's tangential to my point, so: I come from an academic background that gave me access to a lot of knowledge and modes of thought which make me uniquely suited to talking about these sorts of subjects, and despite all of that, i still don't feel comfortable outright passing judgment on the majority of issues surrounding danmei fandom/media/etc. it fucking boggles my mind that there are some of you out here really trying to position yourselves as moral arbiters of something most of you can't even grasp in its original language, much less its rich cultural context. you may have noticed that my stance on almost everything is "it's complicated! here's what I believe i understand" so tbh the hubris on display is quite frankly astounding. my irritation with the "soulmates" effect is just a minor facet of *gestures* everything.

i know that the language i'm using is not particularly gentle. i hope you can understand and forgive me for having some ugly, vicious emotions after an ugly, vicious two years, both within fandom and without. i am not trying to punish anyone. i'm just. you know. running really low on good faith and patience.

i ultimately can't blame people for latching onto the soulmates translation--it's compelling, it feels unexpectedly explicit, and it was provided by "official sources" (oof). this is more an entreaty to spend a little more time thinking about some assumptions you may be holding or to reconsider your stances on a few things. maybe you'll ultimately disagree with me--that's fine. i don't want people to agree with me just because I said it, I want people to agree with me because they considered my words and judged them to be sound. but the fact still remains that 知己 isn't revolutionary or even particularly daring. you could call it capitulation and even that wouldn't be inaccurate. it is a socially acceptable way to label an intimate bond between two men in stories, platonic or otherwise. of course they're 知己. it's not the use of 知己 itself that makes an onscreen relationship more or less explicitly romantic but the context of the rest of their interactions. 知己 has multiple valences, and to pretend or assume that the romantic one is the only relevant reading of it is an oversimplification that I feel devalues both the depth of the term itself and, more broadly, love that does not take a romantic form. at its core, 知己 is about intimacy--in many shapes and at many levels.

before i continue, please read @hunxi-guilai's post about 知己 and how it can vary in meaning and gravity depending on context. I'm gonna quote the paragraphs that are particularly relevant to my points here because no offense, i don't trust anyone to read anything or put in the effort to meet me halfway anymore.

first:

People seem shocked when 知己 zhiji is a term dropped in casual conversation or daily dialogue, and they really shouldn’t be; it is as weighty or as casual as someone makes it in the moment. It is a living, breathing word that is actively employed in vernacular vocabularies, not some ancient artifact only pulled out and dusted off for the most significant/dramatic of occasions.

and second:

In the 《天涯客》 audiodrama, Zhou Zishu calls Wen Kexing a zhiji just for noticing that he’s sunning himself on the street (because Wen Kexing is the only one who sees through Zhou Zishu’s disguise at that moment, and doesn’t take him for a beggar). At that point, they haven’t even exchanged a single word, and Zhou Zishu remarks to himself that he hadn’t thought to meet a 知己 zhiji. He makes no more of it than that–just the acknowledgement oh, someone understood me, before moving on with his day.

i think problems arise for a few reasons.

1) a lot of people just do not understand translation from a practical standpoint, which I blame on a combination of flawed education systems and a failure to apply critical reasoning to situations involving translation. i think this is definitely a problem in the US specifically--that's the public education system I grew up in and have personal experience with, and I can say that with a fair amount of confidence. because of this, I see a lot (and i mean a lot) of people insisting on one-to-one translations of terms, concepts, etc. there is a lot of concern with "accuracy" and "what's the correct/proper translation for x then". if you read my last series of posts on translation that i linked up at the beginning of this post, you may have noticed that trend and my frustrations with it. this is less an issue with "poor" or "bad" translations themselves, but with how people have learned (or perhaps, not learned) to interact with translations.

2) a related issue to point 1 is that beyond not understanding the basic complications inherent to all translation is the subsequent (predictable) lack of understanding regarding different types of translation and how different branches of translation will prioritize different things entirely and implement completely different techniques. literary translation is very different from legal translation, which is very different from subtitling for mass market release, which is different from academic translation, which is different from comics translation, which is different from video game localization, which is different from machine translation, which is different from live interpretation etc. etc. etc. this is a problem not only for laypeople but also for professionals who work in translation industries that have little to no interaction with other types of translation. a professional legal translator isn't automatically qualified to talk shit to me about literary translation (and vice-versa) because we have fundamentally different goals, philosophies, and concerns. furthermore, translation as a trade vs translation as an art require different knowledge bases and skills--I'm a terrible medical interpreter, but an excellent literary translator.

3) so put these two gaps in general knowledge together, combine them with an explosively growing fandom, two languages that are notoriously difficult to translate between, the unfortunate political snarl surrounding the source material, then add a dash of tumblr-twitter university-flavored social justice rhetoric, a heaping metric fuckton spoonful of sinophobia, and you get the unfortunate, "知己 EQUALS SOULMATE IF YOU DO ANYTHING ELSE IT'S BOWING TO CENSORSHIP STOP ERASING QUEERNESS FROM MEDIA" take.

is this a (somewhat unkind) hyperbolic representation? i mean, yeah. but please remember, this take also manifests in things like "then what's the proper translation for 知己 [or any other complicated term]?" and "but 知己 is a way of getting around the censors by implying romance, right?" and "well, how do you keep the original [romantic] meaning of 知己 in translation then?" and "omg they really said soulmates" and "CQL/SHL said SOULMATE RIGHTS" and "wangxian/wenzhou are soulmates 😭😭😭😭" and, as i've stated, my least favorite: "CQL/SHL said fuck the censors they're soulmates".

these are fairly innocent on their own--like I said, despite the very serious digression i took up there, I get it. I understand the impulses, I understand why it's fun, but when it piles up and gets repeated over and over, it starts to wear. just. please think twice before idk, hinging entire premises on the misconception that two characters are "canonical soulmates" or making yet another fucking censorship joke or hot take that i personally have to see. stop using chinese state-sponsored censorship as a prop in your bids for internet clout and/or self-absorbed political agendas projected onto fictional characters.

okay.

with that said, i guess now it's time for some more regularly scheduled cyan programming: obsessive opinions about translation choices.

besides often finding online fandom's current preoccupation with explicitly stated queer representation simplistic and uncompassionate or whatever, I also, for petty, personal reasons, just think it's just such an unbelievably boring and unimaginative way to engage with language and literature--with the power of things that are left unsaid, with subtext and subtlety! yes, there is great power and value in explicit statements, but there is also power in the implicit. the wholesale dismissal of anything less than open declarations results in, i think, some pretty hollow takes (and some seriously lackluster writing).

so what are the artistic reasons for why I don't want to see "soulmate" for 知己 anymore?

as hunxi explained in her post, 知己 is a term that changes meaning and gravity depending on context and situational usage. just as it can be used with great significance, it can also be a totally casual thing. taking into account the tendency for fandom at large to think of translation as a one-to-one equivalency, when you consistently translate 知己 into "soulmate" you end up with... issues.

i think this is specifically due to its immutable register--"soulmate" is an inherently weighty term, something that is not true for 知己. furthermore, "soulmate" is likely to carry a romantic connotation in english, which, once again, is not true for 知己. this leads to, I think, a lot of misunderstanding and analytical mistakes when discussing both CQL and SHL, because even if people do understand that it's not an exact translation, there's still a persistent belief that 知己, like soulmate, is inherently weighty and sometimes almost explicitly romantic.

let's talk about CQL and SHL to illustrate my point. that's why most of you are here, isn't it?

CQL first. ep 25. the godforsaken iconic 知己 exchange.

[ID: screenshot from episode 25 of the untamed during the 知己 conversation. lan wangji and wei wuxian face each other in profile. there are no words onscreen. /end ID]

this bitch.

here is the original dialogue:

LWJ: 你把我当成什么人？ WWX: 我曾经把你当作我毕生知己 LWJ: 現在仍是

there are numerous translations of these lines--both netflix and youtube (as of 15 june 2021) render 知己 as "confidant": netflix:

LWJ: Who do you take me for? WWX: I once treated you as my lifelong confidant. LWJ: I still am.

youtube:

LWJ: who do you take me for? WWX: I had once taken you as my whole-life confidant. LWJ: Still, I am.

however, the version that I know most people latch onto/are familiar with is the one where wei wuxian's line is subtitled as something like, "I once saw you as my soulmate of this lifetime". if I remember correctly, the WeTV subs originally had this, as did netflix. the episode description of 25 on wikipedia notes that "Wei WuXian answers that he used to treat Lan WangJi as a soulmate." other instances of 知己 are also now rendered as "confidant" (or "true friend" in one instance), but you can see some of the original translations in screenshots collected in this tweet from december 2019.

on the off-chance that the tweet is moved/deleted, here is a screenshot of the images in question:

[ID: four screenshots from the untamed with different pieces of dialogue that include the term "soulmate". /end ID]

top row, left to right are from episodes 7 and 25. the bottom row is two moments from episode 43, in case anyone is insane like me cares. yes i did pull that almost entirely from memory rip my brain storage space

if I were forced to keep soulmate for at least one instance, i would pick the bottom right scene in 43, where wei wuxian remarks: "人生得一知己, 足矣." // "to have a 知己 in one's lifetime, that is enough". unless i'm forgetting another instance, i would argue that this is wei wuxian's weightiest use of the term throughout the entire series: this is in the present-day arc (so after *handwaves* all that trauma), lan wangji just stood beside him publicly and declared his loyalty on the steps of jinlin tai in front of the most prominent figures in their sphere, we're getting close to the resolution of the plot, and wei wuxian has just learned about lan wangji's punishment, aka the depths of his devotion. to go a little deeper, this is a quote from 20th century poet lu xun and is written in an elevated register. putting aside that this is a 20th century literary reference in fantasy ancient china (but then again: there's really no point in trying to "accurately" date CQL. you may as well try to "accurately" date game of thrones), i think the register is meaningful because wei wuxian moves between registers depending on context, but in everyday speech, is most likely to sit comfortably in a colloquial range. an elevated register carries significance for him, unlike lan wangji for whom this is the norm. (yet again: see hunxi's post on linguistic register in CQL for the rundown on that)

this is in stark contrast to the moment in episode 7 depicted in the top left image. wei wuxian and lan wangji have just presented the yin iron to lan xichen and lan qiren and explained their little adventure at the cold springs. wei wuxian speculates on how everything is connected and lan xichen confirms his reasoning and adds, "Wangji, when you asked me before, I couldn't reveal the truth to you." wei wuxian, realizing that he and lan wangji have had the same thoughts about the situation, goes, "哟，知己啊", which basically means "hey, we're 知己!" if i really wanted to capture the tone of this little interjection, i would say the mood is closest to something like: "yo, we totally vibe/we're on the same wavelength/you get me/samesies!" etc etc. this is about as casual as you can get--it's literally just 知己, prefaced by a particle that's roughly equivalent to "hey/yo/oh!" and followed by an auxiliary particle to express a mild sense of enthusiasm.

you can make an argument to use "soulmates" again in this situation. after all, it's not unusual to hyperbolize semi-ironically in english-- "yo, we're totally soulmates" or "hey, soulmate alert" etc. I don't think these specific (exaggerated) examples are appropriate for CQL for obvious reasons, but i think that, in a vacuum, subtitling this as, "hey, it's like we're soulmates" could work.

HOWEVER, as I said before, im now anti-soulmate and I Would Prefer Not To, so let's explore that.

as established, 知己 can naturally vary in gravity, while I personally don't feel that soulmate does. so in order to keep the "soulmate" translation, I think you have to create a reading of tone that's not exactly true to the character in the moment. if someone says, in a situation like this, "yo, it's like we're soulmates", it's understood that there's an irony to it. they're exaggerating for effect, etc. this isn't necessarily OOC for wei wuxian in general, but I don't think it's true to what's happening in this specific scene and more importantly, to the purpose of the 知己 motif throughout CQL. I believe that 知己 is being used earnestly, if lightly.

the 知己 motif is a CQL-only choice; it is not present in the mdzs novel. the use of 知己/知己-adjacent dialogue (i.e. dialogue concerning familiarity, recognition, understanding, insiders vs outsiders) over the course of the story is one of the ways that I think CQL was trying to illustrate a subtextual relationship that would be accepted by the censors. because it is a motif, I understand why we would want to translate the term with some degree of consistency in order to preserve its purpose.

i believe this hinges on the way that 知己 can naturally vary in tonal weight from very light to very heavy: it's anything from "hey! we vibe" to "you are the only one who truly understands me". to use "soulmate" as a blunt, one-to-one equivalence is a) bad because of my earlier points about how translation is never a one-to-one etc. and b) not to my taste specifically because "soulmate" lacks this natural fluidity, so even if you can make interesting artistic choices by varying the sincerity of how "soulmate" is used (as i showed a few paragraphs up), I think this has a subtle but profound effect on the way wangxian's relationship is presented.

CQL wangxian are quite different from mdzs wangxian in a number of ways, but what's relevant here is how their relationship has a much more fated/meant-to-be flavor to it in CQL rather than in mdzs. from the beginning, CQL emphasizes their special connection, even if neither of them has fully come to terms with those feelings. wangxian's first moonlit duel is way more of a big deal in CQL than in mdzs, for example. other examples include: their tagteam adventure in the cold springs with lan yi; their symbolic forehead ribbon marriage; the lantern scene; meeting songxiao and emphasizing their special connection; the emotional farewell in the rain; i could go on. this is a very different relationship to wangxian in the novel, in which wei wuxian is really so caught up in his own problems before his death that the bulk of wangxian's relationship is actually built up and reciprocated during the present-day arc instead. which i prefer!!!! but that's neither here nor there.

"but cyan!" i hear you saying, "surely that means that soulmate is a good translation? what is a soulmate if not a fated/meant-to-be person??" to which i say, HERE'S MY REBUTTAL: to use "soulmate" as a catch-all translation for 知己 changes the axis upon which the relationship moves. instead of gravity, it becomes sincerity. and this, I think, is not a good reflection of what 知己 (and related dialogue) is meant to convey throughout CQL.

one of the personality traits of wei wuxian that CQL doubles down on is how seriously he takes the important things, regardless of what kind of outer demeanor he presents. jiang yanli says to jiang cheng within the first few episodes that "you know that a'xian never fools around when it matters". that doesn't mean he doesn't have fun! he still buys the 天子笑 liquor when he goes to fetch the invitation from caiyi after all. he likes to mess around, he likes to play tricks and he is blessed with a light heart. but we see over and over again, even as a schoolboy, that he is sincere and heartfelt about important things. once again: see the lantern scene.

to me, I think this is enough reason to step back from trying to use the "soulmate" translation because it necessitates that kind of hyperbolic/ironic tone in english in that moment in episode 7, when I think it's actually narratively salient that wei wuxian is being earnest. this is especially important for one of the first uses of 知己 in the story. 知己 grows heavier with each subsequent use as CQL progresses: it goes from something casual to something much more significant, but I don't believe it's ever used ironically--as i said, i believe the thematic axis is gravity. if we confine ourselves to using "soulmate" as a one-to-one translation for 知己, we inevitably hit snags because the terms just do not function the same way.

"well, ok cyan, then what the hell are you proposing we do instead" you all fucking ask me because heaven forbid i complain about anything without providing an itemized list of proposed solutions

after thinking about it for a really long time, i think my preferred solution is actually fairly simple--instead of trying to translate 知己 as a rigid, one-word noun, just... translate what it means.

if you don't already know, the two characters that make up 知己 are 知 "to know" and 己 "self". so someone who is 知己 can literally be described as "one who knows me". i think that to know and to understand are both english verbs that have the same natural weight variance as 知己. you can, completely sincerely, say both "oh yeah, I know her," and "but i know her" for very different effect. i think that with some work and thought, you could come up with subtitles that not only circumvent the problem of reinforcing one-to-one translation tendencies and the misconceptions that those tend to breed, but also preserve the intended thematic throughline and are an acceptable length for actual subtitle timing and encoding.

this post is already way too fucking long, but in for a penny in for my entire life savings i guess: one of the considerations of subtitles that tends to get ignored or forgotten, especially in fansub territory, is timing and relative length. good subtitles must both convey meaning well and convey it in a length that an average viewer can absorb and understand in the time that it is onscreen. fansubs play fast and loose with this because there's no concern over the idea of capturing and/or maintaining an audience. for the most part, fansubs are for people who are already fans. plus, there's (theoretically) no money/profit involved. for media corporations, this is going to be a much bigger concern--capturing and maintaining an audience is critical to profit. and we all know how much people hate subtitles generally anyways (especially in anglophone countries :)), so they had better be a) clear and b) easy to access if you want to keep your viewers.

this is a significant challenge for chinese -> english subtitles because of the way the languages work. i talk about this at length in my post on lan wangji's speech patterns and the difficulties associated with rendering them into english. if you'd like to see an example in action, here's a screenshot of my aegisub workspace for the SHL special ending easter egg subtitles:

[ID: screenshot of the subtitling program aegisub, displaying a segment of an episode. in the CPS column, a few lines are pale to medium red. the line displayed is "Will Senior please offer critique!" for 请前辈指点 /end ID]

honestly, not too bad! my worst character per second (CPS) ratio is 23CPS, which is the first line.

but look at this screenshot from my aegisub workspace for HIStory3: Trap, episode 1:

[ID: screenshot of the subtitling program aegisub, displaying a segment of an episode. in the CPS column, several lines are medium to bright red. the line on display is "Another division says they can snatch him away, so they just snatch him," for 别的单位说抢就抢 /end ID]

god the hilarity of seeing HOW LONG the english is compared to the mandarin. if you look at the numbers, you may notice that i have a 49CPS and also a 39CPS line right next to each other. that is Bad! this was a personal project, so I was unconcerned. however, this would be unacceptable for official, mainstream release subtitles.

netflix's guidelines for english subtitles are publicly available online. if you scroll down to the sections on reading speed for english subtitles for foreign language source material (II.17), you will see that netflix's standard for adult programs is 20CPS. and i hope by now it's clear why that can be such a bitterly challenging metric to meet in a show like CQL.

this is not to defend the netflix subtitles. or the wetv ones. they're absolutely fucking abysmal, even by the standards laid out in the netflix style guide. I could pick through the document and point out every way in which I believe the CQL subtitles laughably fail to meet the standards (and the infuriating consequences thereof), but that's another post for sure. there is some leeway for "industry requirements" but I'm getting real tired of this excuse when it's clear that the real problem is a) the people in charge of the subtitles simply don't care enough/don't pay enough for good subtitles and b) subtitling/specialized translation isn't really considered a serious, difficult art that requires creative skill to be done well. it's truly fucking enraging.

what i'm trying to do by really driving down on all of these minute details is to hopefully (!!) prompt people into shifting their paradigms re: translation/subtitling and more fully understand how simple misconceptions driven by singular translation choices can ripple out into complex and unexpected forms, harmful or not. i am well aware that the amount of thought, time, energy etc. that I've put into this One Translation Choice is completely unfeasible as a mainstream standard. it's obviously ridiculous! but I think there is a middle ground somewhere that wouldn't have caused so much unintentional damage. "soulmates" is the tip of the goddamn iceberg. (every time i see a one-character name, i feel another piece of my soul crumble away)

for CQL specifically, I've gone back and forth between whether I would prefer using "to know" or "to understand" as the fulcrum of the 知己 translation, and I... think..... I would go with "to know". at least right now. there are a few reasons for that tentative choice, one of which is simply that "know" is only four characters while "understand" is ten. the other is that, after messing around with both in each scenario, I think "know" ultimately flows better sonically.

i'm only going to break down the exchange in episode 25 because i'm exhausted, but here:

ep 25:

LWJ: 你把我当成什么人？ WWX: 我曾经把你当作 [new line] 我毕生知己 LWJ: 現在仍是

there are actually a couple things with this exchange I want to talk about in addition to 知己. first: the way that lan wangji's first line is subtitled: "who do you take me for?"

this is a poor translation because it has absolutely the wrong tone in english. "who/what do you take me for?" is an idiomatic, rhetorical question, that's usually followed by something derogatory. one of the more common forms you'll see is "what do you take me for, an idiot?" it's not appropriate for this serious, vulnerable question that lan wangji is posing.

a much better translation, in my opinion, would be "who am I to you?" which also has some pretty specific connotations in english. it doesn't have to be romantic, but it does often appear in romantic scenarios where someone wants to know where they stand in relation to another. this, i think, gets you the hint of romantic intention that feels appropriate in this scene without the heavy-handedness of "soulmates", and also just. more accurately reflects lan wangji's intentions.

(an aside: i speculate that the reason we got "who do you take me for" is because the chinese sentence structure more or less literally translates to something like "you have taken me for/regarded me as/made me into what kind of person?". depending on tone, you can use it in the same way as "who do you take me for" in english, but unfortunately, that's not what's happening here. it seems like a very unsurprising mistake for a machine translation.)

so the 知己 line. this one is HARD because it's long! and the subtitles split right before 毕生知己 because wei wuxian pauses. I think the power of the line rests in keeping the answer wholly after the pause. the original was, I think, "I once saw you as [pause, new subtitle line] my soulmate of this lifetime."

ugh!! it's so awkward and weird, ESPECIALLY following a "who do you take me for" GOD. here's my proposal:

I once thought you were someone [pause] who would know me for a lifetime.

it's long!! yes it's long, but we have a little wiggle room because there's a lot of heavy silences during this exchange, so we might actually be able to make the CPS limit. or almost. what the fuck ever. I could shorten it further by just saying "I once thought you [pause] would know me for a lifetime" but this is the wrong form of answer for the question "who am I to you?" so I think it's worthwhile to keep "were someone" despite how many characters it adds.

and lan wangji's final response (yes, I have thoughts on this too): we have both "I still am" and "Still, I am". I feel strongly that "Still, I am" is better than "I still am" because lan wangji being lan wangji is using a more formal construction. the 仍 character he's using for "still" is usually literary. putting "still" at the front of the sentence creates a more elevated tone in english, and emphasizes it, which more closely reflects lan wangji's intention.

NOW HOWEVER, if we are going with my dialogue proposals, I would say that we should change this to "Still, I do" because the relevant part of "someone who would know me for a lifetime" is the knowing and the implication in that is "i don't know if you know me right now" or "i don't know if you will actually know me forever" or "you knew me once, and i thought it would be forever, but now I'm not so sure". so i feel that lan wangji's response should be to that implied uncertainty, even if it shifts the grammar a little. I do still know you. I know you right now.

putting it all together, my proposed dialogue would look like this:

LWJ: Who am I to you? WWX: I once thought you were someone [new line] who would know me for a lifetime. LWJ: Still, I do.

DO YOU SEE WHY I THINK THIS IS BETTER THAN SOULMATES. what's powerful about this scene is what isn't being said! it's the tone! it's the fucking reaching out and trying to cling to someone you're afraid you're in the process of losing. fucks sake. what is more intimate than really knowing a person? i hate everything. soulmates my ASS.

all right, let's pivot to SHL, which presents a different set of challenges with its use of 知己. there are two exchanges involving 知己 that I think are particularly noteworthy: once in ep8, the moment we all remember when wen kexing says it, and once in ep30, when jin-wang says he had always thought zhou zishu was his 知己.

in these two lines in SHL, there is an emphasis on 知己's function as a title/role, whereas in CQL I think there's more room to bend the structure of the dialogue around 知己 without losing sight of its original purpose. both of the lines in SHL use 知己 in direct contrast to another, lesser term: in wen kexing's case, he's saying, "you only think of me as a friend? after all this? but I think of you as 知己". jin-wang, on the other hand, is saying, "I always thought you were my 知己, but it seems you're nothing more than an ordinary person". it's much harder here to try and retain the punch of the parallel structure of these moments without the use of a shorter, one-to-one translation: "friend" vs "someone who understands me", and "someone who understands me" vs "ordinary person"--they're such unequal length that I think the overall structure starts to get clunky, especially in episode 30 when it's all said at once. the mandarin has an elegance because each term is two characters: 朋友 (friend)，庸人 (mediocre/ordinary person)，知己

since i never met a translation challenge i didn't charge at headfirst screaming, let's give this a shot. why the hell not.

here's my problem with using "soulmates"--even though I think it does work in episode 8, it really doesn't in episode 30. i think the reason the moment in episode 30 produces such a visceral recoil is because it's using a term that's perfectly appropriate in the social context, but still feels like a desecration because of how that term has been given a different meaning through the rest of the show. as it is right now, the translation "soulmates" feels like a distraction from the intensity of the moment because it doesn't really fit--again, it's the romantic connotations of soulmate that are making things difficult. jin-wang very obviously does NOT mean 知己 in a romantic context (though that can be a valid and fun dynamic to play with in fic etc.) this is a much closer to a patron-minister manifestation of the 知己 relationship, and it centers around ideals, politics, shared vision etc. (for background on this aspect of 知己, please avail yourself of one of hunxi's posts if you're unfamiliar with it idk look, hunxi just has a lot of backlog i can conveniently cite ok)

when I read "soulmate" on the screen it took me right out of the moment--it's such an out-of-place term for the situation! i think it diminishes jin-wang's charisma a lot because it sounds so... laughable?? idk. in any case, jin-wang is beiyuan's ex and I Would Llike To See It

so what i'm looking for is a one-to-one translation that can work in both scenarios, and after a lot of thought on this front, the best I've been able to come up with in english is "kindred spirit". if I were forced to give a general one-to-one translation of 知己 for all-purpose use, this is what I would choose as well. but again, it's far from perfect. I would just prefer it over "soulmates" or "bosom friend" or what the fuck ever as a catch-all.

anyways, episode 8:

WKX: 你怎么不问我当你是什么？ ZZS: 管你当我是什么 ... WKX: 是 知己

YT subs:

WKX: Why don't you ask me what I think of you? ZZS: I don't care. ... WKX: You're my soulmate.

my proposed alteration:

WKX: Why aren't you asking how I think of you? ZZS: Who cares how you think of me. ... WKX: I think of you as [new line] my kindred spirit.

episode 30:

JW: 孤王还一直以为 [new line] 你是我的知己 [new line] 原来 [new line] 你也只是个庸人而已

YT subs:

JW: I always think [new line] you are my soul mate. [new line] But it turns out [new line] that you're no more than an ordinary person.

my proposed alteration:

JW: This lonely prince had always thought [new line] that you were my kindred spirit [new line] But it seems [new line] you were nothing more than another ordinary person.

i... want to do explanations of my choices, but I really am running on nothing but fumes at this point. the only thing I want to mention, I think, is the prince's use of 孤王 as a pronoun. most of the time, when speaking with zhou zishu, he refers to himself as either 本王 or simply, 我. i did a quick check, and i'm fairly confident that 孤王 carries the connotation of solitude/loneliness. it's not an uncommon pronoun (for royalty), but I think it's important that he switches to this one in this moment when he laments that he and zhou zishu aren't what he had once hoped they could be.

if I were translating only for myself, I would probably still try to somehow work with "someone who understands me" because I think that just hits harder than "kindred spirit". so like, "I think of you as someone who understands me" and "This lonely prince had always thought that you were someone who understood me", that kind of thing. i think it gets more precisely at the core of what makes 知己 such an important concept in SHL. but i did think it was worthwhile to show how one might translate 知己 in a different context while restricted to a one-to-one term, just as proof of concept. we can have better subtitles that still meet style guidelines. yes, this is fueled by my own bitterness and spite. im fucking tired of the excuses for piss-poor subtitles when the problem clearly is one of value, not possibility.

so where does this leave us, at the end of approximately 7k (yikes)? i... talked about a lot of things, so if you made it all the way to the end, congrats and thanks for sticking with it. i've been trying to figure out how to end this post since i started it, and I haven't found a good answer, but I'll try.

in early 2013, I met a lesbian activist from china at a conference. she was there with a small delegation, maybe about five young queer people, who worked in beijing, or maybe shanghai--it's been a long time, and I don't remember most of the details. what I do remember was that I was anxious, that I still didn't feel comfortable with a label, and that I was at least half-convinced I was faking whatever queer mishmash of feelings I had going on. and I remember that these were the first queer people from china i had ever knowingly met. they talked about the work they were doing, their own coming out experiences, the antagonism and support they'd received--the woman I spoke to mentioned that they had a lesbian print magazine publication, and I naively asked after the presentation if there was any way they could mail it to someone overseas (me) who was interested in reading it. she hesitated somewhat apologetically and said, "well, no, not really. it's still an illegal publication, you see. we can't distribute like that." this was nearly six years before the webnovelist tianyi was sentenced to a decade in prison for printing and distributing her BL work.

in august 2020, about a year after CQL aired, the organizers of shanghai pride announced that they were halting all activities indefinitely after 11 years. new laws instated early this year on self-publishing are increasing restrictions on free speech.

something a little closer to home: you remember 227 right? do you remember some of the cold, callous reactions to the news? like this one? what about the incessant trickle of hot twitter takes that all seem to start with "I know censorship is bad, but"?

at the end of the day, perhaps this is just my sad, tired entreaty once again to think more about how you interact with stories in translation, how complex the act of translation can be. before you blithely make jokes about chinese media censorship and how shows "get around it" based solely on your view through the small and cloudy window of low-quality subtitles, i ask you again to take a moment to reflect. before you tweet a thread about how even though censorship is bad, it forces creativity and produces interesting art, all while holding up misinterpretations of those subtitles as evidence--look, i don't give a fuck. the hays code produced interesting cinema too. many terrible things produce interesting art.

on a more personal note: before you start a fucking dissection of a language you don't understand on my personal vent post, before you barge into someone's askbox with this entitled attitude about language, before you ask any of us to act as your personal tour guide without doing us the basic courtesy of a five second google search, before you try to impose culturally ignorant moral judgments on the text, just. take a minute.

this post is as much a summary of my feelings on 知己 and translation as it is a messy, bitter reaction to the straws that are this close to breaking the camel's back. how many times must i reiterate that translation is not and never will be uncomplicated and bloodless before you all stop demanding easy, simple answers? stop asking me to exploit a culture I barely feel belongs to me for your fanfiction. stop asking me to gut myself to make your media more palatable.

i don't have a coherent thesis for this post. i don't want to have a debate. make your own post if you want to have a discussion because I really don't.

as i sit here staring at all the places where I revised my words to be softer, where i put a disclaimer asking for forgiveness, i debate undoing it all and speaking as harshly as i feel. why should i have to disclaim my emotions every time I have them? why should I have to make everyone comfortable when I have been trying with every fucking fiber of my goodwill to be gentle this whole time, only to be backstabbed, insulted, used, talked over, dismissed? must even my anger be eloquent to be valued? what do i need to be forgiven for?

i miss finding joy here.

[dystopiandilfs]

Dream's discord podcast. Basically him answering questions for 2.5 hours. This will sort of be in order but I fucked up my notes so it might not be in order completely. (From 13th May 2021)

For reference the photos at the end are: A prototype of fidget spinner merch as loads of people asked, a reference photo of his favourite merch and a photo he sent of his hair to prove he wasn't a brunette.

•He said his teeth are mostly straight but he's thought about getting Invisalign. He's never had braces. He has a tiny gap in the left side of his mouth and his canines are longer and sharper (vampire arc). He's never had teeth surgery so has his wisdom teeth still.

•He thinks pineapple on pizza is good.

•He likes seafood like lobster and crab. He had crab made in an air fryer last night. He like peas. He thinks quesadillas are good and likes most food.

•He hates Coffee and most drinks

•The Dream Shorts team is Ken who is his personal reminder (Ken's main job is to spam him with texts so he doesn't forget things as he's got a habit of reading texts and not replying) and also comes up with a list of sets for Dream shorts. The builder is a friend and munchymc builder "his talent gets wasted on Dream's shorts but we pay him so"

•His editors are currently Dizzy, Firesale and Mjcr. Willz doesn't edit for him anymore

•The mask animation isn't done but Mask should be released May 21st. He wants to release them together as "the whole song is a double meaning and the whole nuance will be lost without the animation" but no matter if the animation is done the song is getting released on the 21st.

•He and Sapnap eat together often.

•He and Sapnap prefer medium rare Steak

•He wants a home gym it's something he's willing to splurge on. They currently have a weight rack but they haven't even set it up.

•"Eat the rich? Shut up shut up" - Dream

•Talked about money basically saying "Most people don't understand how money works I don't have millions in my bank account it's in assets like merch, land and warehousing for that stuff" (He's not in his landlord arc)

•He's been debating Pride Merch because of Rainbow Capitalism. He doesn't want it too be seen as a money maker and if he does most proceeds would go to charity. He's currently super busy merch wise with Sapnap joining and George in the middle of joining. He did say "Only if the LGBTQ+ community in this community wants it" He thinks he's going to at least change the merch website to a pride one. Sapnap wants to make pride merch including a rainbow flame on his.

•He wants to create a charity that's centered around helping LGBTQ+ one day because he thinks that there's a lack of them. He mentioned that creating a charity was expensive and took a lot and was a complicated process including a board of directors but he wants to do it someday.

•He wanted to buy a bunch of houses in Florida which was a service to house mostly LGBTQ+ youth and people stuck in abusive households for free to get them out of bad home environments. But he didn't because he didn't want people thinking he was profiting of of abuse victims and LGBTQ+ community.

•He said he's terrible with time management and replying to people which is why Ken helps him (and also helps George and Sapnap). He mentioned how Sam messaged multiple times and Dream just forgot to answer but felt bad "I feel like people think I hate them..... Cause I'd be mad if people did that to me"

•He tries to reply to a few texts a day (community number). He also can't do birthday messages everyday because you can only reply at certain times so it's not abusing the system so if you get one it's special. He said he does try but it's got a weird time gap.

•Him and the manhunt winner are trying to come up with a good time to film

•He wants to stream this MCC on twitch and says his team is good.

•He talks about why he's not partnered with Twitch. Basically Twitch has a lock rate (in which you make money) and you legally can't stream on YouTube. So legally if Tommy wanted to stream on YouTube he couldn't. Someone then mentioned how Bad is a twitch partner but still streams on YouTube "Bad streams on YouTube but he has for a while and I don't think that he cares" - Dream

•He likes to reply to every donation he gets on stream and feels bad when he doesn't so he'll turn them off when he streams and wants a platform deal where he can be payed to stream (not twitch). If he gets a streaming partnership he will stream a couple of times a week. He looked in to Facebook but they don't have an alias system meaning you can see everyone's actual Facebook account and personal info, he doesn't like seeing real names on Facebook so it would require a lot of altering if he was to stream there so he's thinking it's probably going to be YouTube.

•He was asked about if his demographic was what he expected and he said he went in with no expectations, he didn't even know what stans were, wasn't really on social media so he wasn't aware of the fan culture. "You guys are a handful sometimes but it's worth it"

•He also mentioned how he and the DreamSMP changed the twitch audience demographic. It used to be male dominated in both streamers and audience and now it's almost split which is unheard on.

•He has 5 fidget spinners in his house. Two in his bedroom. Two in his office. One in the living room.

•He likes his Minecraft skin as he thinks the arm is cook and you never see the rest of his skin really. He says it's unique and different and "me". Dream: You can't even tell half the skins apart on MC.

•He's not lost the motivation to stream. Most of the times if he wants to stream he gets George or Sapnap to do it and he just turns up. It's more beneficial to them as they have donos and subs on. (Don't we fucking know it "can you say hi to")

•He has listened to Lovejoy. Says the ep was great and they're very talented and awesome. Doesn't know what his favourite song is but probably would pick One Day because the chorus slaps.

•RIP to acoustic Roadtrip. He said instead of acoustic Roadtrip we get Mask so no losses today for Dream stans.

•"With Roadtrip I went to Parker and I said Hey I have a story I want to tell through music. I have no experience with that can you help me" He said sure. He crafted the music and melodies and how things are formed where it's catchy. I have less comfort singing that. I love the song and it's my song, it's very representative of me and I'm sure I could sing it but it's a song I'd be kinds of scared to sing live, with Mask I basically did everything. I sat there the entire time and maybe an hour out if the 100 I wasn't in the call. Dream came up with the lyrics and main melody for Mask (First one he's ever come up with) "That was just notes in my fucking voice memos"

•The clip we heard of Mask was a prechorus not the actual chorus. He thinks he'd be more comfortable to do a mask acoustic and it's more melodic than Roadtrip. The chorus also has a lot of instruments similar to Roadtrip. Mask starts of slow and guitar with minimal reverb and is more raw.

• He doesn't want music to be his main thing. It's something fun to do and he's passionate about it as it's a way to express emotions. He wants to release mask then go from there. He wants to release at least one more song but has nothing on his mind currently. His two ideas were Roadtrip and Mask.

•He wouldn't quit his job to become a pizza delivery man.

•His favourite features on himself are eyes or freckles and he also confirmed that he does have eyebrows.

•He was told that Parkour warrior would be bought back some time in the near future and he got excited for it. "Even if I don't win, which I will, it'll be fun"

•Went on about his MCC team but I'm not going to put that in as we should be getting them today. He did say he wasn't on Pink but he did sound confused. (For reference he's always in Pink as it's the last team announced and keeps the hype up by announcing the biggest streamer last)

•Said he and his mum had the Mr Beast burger. He recommends because he likes the avacado. He mentioned how Mr Beast uses "Ghost Kitchens" which is basically where he gives restaurants permission to cook his food so it's restaurant quality food.

•His favourite piece of merch is the circle smile. (The pool photo on Instagram). He said the quality was bad (he worked with a different company and didn't have his own company) and it was elasticy feeling and he's planning on re-releasing it again but with good quality.

•He's started to send merch out in custom packaging. So his bags have the smile and will mostly be green. Sapnap's has the flame and is either black or white. He's also trying to make it so every order has the sticker packs for both him and Sapnap.

•He loves the coins as it's cheaper than a hoodie but still celebrates the milestones and will last a long time. He mentioned how the old coins are getting removed off the site and how if you have any of the coins your special because only a few thousand get made. He's kept around 100 of each coin that he wants to give away in person.

•He wanted to have a cool store where you could access computers that give you access to the DreamSMP in spectator mode. But it's too costly and would require too much time and isn't safe fight now. He doesn't think it'd be worth it financially.

•Most of the hoodie are black instead of multiple colours because of limited supply and covid. Getting the colours are harder because if the pandemic which hopefully won't be an issue soon.

•He wants to do a short meetup tour with Sapnap and George with a few locations in the US (and if others nearby want to join like Quackity or Karl they can). He also wants to visit Australia, UK, Canada, Mexico and Philippines and do something like that there but definitely at least visit with George and Sapnap.

•He's never been to the Philippines but his mum has. He wants to set up a place in the Philippines where he can ship merch in bulk and it would help to reduce shipping. However it would probably be big milestone merch.

•He's not got the vaccine yet but will get it when he needs to. He doesn't leave the house so he doesn't see the point.

•He's the ideas man. George's footcam video was Dream's idea. The T-shirt video was Dream's idea. Most if not all of the Dream Team's videos are Dream's ideas.

•Said he's got a similar/the same hair colour as Froy (Dream buddy at this point the only difference between you and Froy is that one of you is dating Richard Madden /lh)

[wenellyb]

Anthony Mackie is homophobic

There’s no way around it, Anthony Mackie is homophobic and here’s why.

This is how you make a headline..! You make a shocking title and then a catchphrase and the job is done.

You want it to be provocative, intriguing and you want people to click on read more, you want to catch everyone's attention.

Who cares if it's misleading or not accurate, right? People will get the rest of the idea/article when they read the whole article.

But what about those who don't click on the link and read the article? Who see the headline and then their idea is set.

Most people don't have the time to read the full article for further explanation. Some people will read the headline, take the information and move on. Sometimes they will even share that headline... without even reading the article. And I won't pretend I haven't done it too... I have done it and still do it. I've read headlines, retweeted them and shared it without reading the content because the headline was enough information for me.

And a lot of people on the Internet do this...and I think that it's part of the game. But, if you're going to use those headlines to throw accusations at someone and then share those accustions with people, the bare minimum is to read the article first.

And I feel like there has been 3 types of people in the Anthony Mackie story:

Those who read only the headlines and tweets but didn't read the article

Those who read the FULL article but didn't listen to the podcast ( This is much much better than the first one btw)

Those who read the article and listened to the audio.

And I also feel like people making the most noise are part of the 1st category.

I keep receiving some asks that I feel that some of them are missing the point so I'm going to write what I think about all of this and hopefully I can just link this post whenever I get a question.

And I am also disturbed by the fact that this is the 3rd option I get when I type Anthony Mackie on Twitter.

Now that the situation is calmer and the story died down a little, I wanted tovshare my thoughts. And of course you don’t have to read this, but I had to write this down, at least for myself.

I will be exploring 3 angles, so feel free to skip the ones you are not interested in.

It should have never been about the ship

If you say someone is homophobic, at least you have to explain why

Your minds were already made up on Anthony Mackie even before the article was published.

Part 1: It should have never been about the ship.

For the people who read only the headlines... It's a shame because the headlines made the interview all about “Anthony not liking Sam and Bucky's relationship as romantic”. '

A lot of the people based their opinion on the articles and didn't even look further... it was set that Anthony didn't like Sambucky as a couple.

It was revealed with the audio of the podcqst that it wasn’t what Anthony said at all, and he wasn't talking about Sam ans Bucky's relationship but was answering another question that the interviewer had asked about male friendships. And in fact, and it was the interviewer who said that male friendships were rare in the superhero context... He set up the question that way.

But that is the not the point, the point is that EVEN IF Anthony had said he didn't see Sam and Bucky as romantic... that is not enough to say he is problematic or homophobic.

And the intensity of the backlash he received is because he is a Black man, sure... but the accusations of being homophobic  would have been there anyway.

Because fandoms are not rational.

When Sebastian Stan said he didn't play Bucky as in love with Steve in 2016, he also received backlash from the fandom and got accusations of being homophobic, even though he had said people were free to interpret it as they wanted. And guess what he still got the accusations lesser level than Anthony, but still...

Anthony and Sebastian have both played gay characters in the past, more than once. And I repeat this so you understand, they have played gay characters more than once. So maybe, MAYBE if they say their character isn't gay or bi, maybe it isn't because they're homophobic, or because they don't want their characters to be ....but because that is how their character is written in the script?

Again, Anthony didn't say any of this about Sambucky but even if he had, it would certainly be because he played the part they were supposed to play.

Some people want to make Anthony this big bad guy who "killed the ship" but I'm sorry, Anthony doesn't own the production company, he isn't the writer or the executive producers.... The actors who be the last in line to blame for this.

And I don't want to make it seem like it's only the general public doing this...Because even some journalists have been writing articles about how Anthony shouldn't be "shutting down ships or dismissing Sambucky" because there is so little representation in the MCU... I'm sorry but what??? WHAT???

I understand the sentiment and I know that a lot of ships are there to compensate the lack of representation on screen...but how is it Anthony's responsibility or his fault?

It’s great when actors go along with the ship, do not invalidate it and leave the doors open, but it is not their fault or their responsibility if they don't, especially actors who have no clue about how shipping or fandoms work.

If it's written in the script that the charcter is straight and the actor says the character is straight you shouldn't be lashing out at the actors for "killing the ship"...Do you want him to change the script? Go blame the production company instead.

I know actors are an easy target because it is much more easier to tweet about them than look up the names of Executive Producers or CEOs and write them letters to ask for more representation. Actors are an easy target but it is literally not their call.

Some of these articles making headlines blaming Anthony because he shut down the idea of romantic Sambucky when there is so little represenration and not making headlines blaming the multibillion dollar company that refuse to have decent representation!

Sure, let's blame the Black actor who said that Sam and Bucky are just friends for the decades of nothing expect a total of 10 seconds screentime for a character nobody remembers and just calls the “Russo cameo”.

And again, Anthony Mackie didn't even say anything against a romantic reading of Sambucky, nothing! But it shouldn't matter, even if he had said they were just friends... it wouldn't justify any backlash at all... if it is about the ship.

Him shipping Sambucky or not should be the last point the fandom is focusing on.

An actor doesn't ship your ship and it bothers you? Move on, ship another couple if you want to... Don't start calling him names because of the ship.

When you make the debate about the ship, it kills the discussion before the discussion can even start because how can you have a constructive discussion if the debate has no foundations?

For instance, if Anthony made hurtful or problematic comments, the right way to deal with this,  would be to ask for apologies or for a better explanation of his words .... But since a lot of people, and even news outlet made this story about the ship, what do you want to do?

Ask Anthony to apologize for thinking/saying Sambucky is platonic?  We do realize how insane this would sound right? Or are there people who really want Anthony to come out and make a public statement about how he apologizes and supports romantic Sambucky? Is this were we want to go?

People made it about the ship, so he will also think the problem is that he doesn't "ship" Sambucky... but that wasn't the problem right? At least I hope it wasn't.

All of this should have never been about the shipping...If you are bothered by an actor not liking your ship ...it's ok. Stop shipping it if you want to and move on, but don't act like they're the worst human being on the planet because of it.

When I first read the article I was surprised by Anthony's comments about Sambucky because he had never talked like that about the relationship before... but the first thinf I said ia that he is an actor... he reads and interprets the script he has... he doesn't make the decisions...

But when I listened to the audio... I was even more horrified by the way the whole story was handled.

Part 2. If you say someone is homophobic, at least you have to explain why

This might be an unpopular opinion but I don't mind people saying that Anthony Mackie is homophobic. I don't know him, so I won't pretend to know what he is or isn't. What I do mind is people saying he's homophobic but not giving any explanation or evidence.

And I have seen people do that. A lot... And I have receiced asks like that.... "Have you seen those articles? Anthony is homophobic," “He dug his own grave”

But all of the articles and headline are talking about the ship...is that your evidence?

If your opinion is based on a headline or some tweets, I don't know how you expect people to believe you.

I have seen people calling Anthony homophobic because of his comments on the explotation of homosexuality. But to me it was clear that he wasn't talking about the Queer fans, even though I could be wrong... (I talk abour this more in the part 3)

The part where Anthony Mackie has made comments that could be dubious are the comments about how he is bothered that he can't go to bars with his friends anymore.

No matter how you turn it, making it seem like it's a problem that people think you're gay when you're with your friends, has homophobic undertones.

That is the part that really bothered me personally... It really made me feel uncomfortable.

But is it enough to say he is homophobic? I don't think so, but if I'm wrong and it means he is, in what way? You need to give an explanation. Even a short one.

And even with that comment about the bars, if you add the context, you could imagine that maybe he's not talking about the characters but about his real life experience because we know that some people ship him and Sebastian romantically, and if he was talking about that... It could be understandable that he is bothered by that because he's a celebrity and when people make assumptions about celebrity love lifes they can become annoying or even toxic sometimes.

People shipping the two of them romantically makes me unconfortable so I can't imagine how it would make HIM feel.

But anyway, that part of the interview bothered some people and I personally don't think it's enough to call him homophobic but I do think it is worth a discussion.

Unfortunately, most people didn't focus on that... they focused on the shipping or other words that were taken out of context... By mixing everything with the shipping, the battle for a legitmate discussion was already lost before it even started.

Part 3: Your minds were already made up on Anthony Mackie even before the article was published.

I think that what bothers me the most were that some people were waiting for this moment... They were holding their breath until the moment he would finally slip up so they can be hateful in peace.

This is a screenshot of a post from April 2021, way way before this whole story.... Some people already had in their mind that him being a Black masculine man, he was homophobic... and were just waiting for a confirmation it seems.

( I cropped the OP’s blog name to avoid any problems going their way)

I have said this before... But I don’t follow celebrities foolishly. If you think Anthony Mackie gives off homophibic vibes or could be homophobic... you may be right.... but I would need evidence, or an explanation, not just a “vibe”... I asked evidence to that OP or at least an example of an homophobic joke he had made and they blocked me...

I have watched a lot of Anthony Mackie interviews and never got that "vibe" so I really wanted to know. Later, I asked one of my mutual to reach out to ask them about it and the OP finally answered to my mutual and said that an example of a moment they could tell he was homophobic was the interview were Anthony talks about his soft spot.

So that person based their impression of Anthony being homophobic on the fact that Anthony doesn't like to be touched in the back by strangers...Imagine me staring at the camera like I’m in The Office

And this isn't about racism because that person who wrote the post is Black apparently. But it is about how Black men are perceived and stereotypes that are often attached to them.. People make all of these asaumptions on then wait for the moment they can be proven right.

For this OP, a masculine Black man from the south =homophobic ...

And I don't think they are the only one.

What's worse is that they make it sound like all of this is on Anthony:

"Sambucky won't happen because Anthony gives off homophobic vibes"

Not only are they sharing accusations without even a small proof... they are the acting like he would be the only one to blame if Sambucky doesn't happen... Let me tell you that sometimes when I come to Tumblr I want to scream at how irrational people are... Disney has a history of being homophobic and never having any kind of representation, but if Sambucky doesn’t happen, it would be because of Anthony Mackie.

Please, PLEASE!

Anthony Mackie isn't writing the scenarios, he isn’t a Disney Exec.... Does anyone really belive he would walk away from the movie and the contract just because his character is gay, bi or pan? When he has played gay characters in the past??? Why are people trying so so hard to put all the blame on Anthony? I don't understand....

I have also seen "Sambucky won't happen now that Anthony made that interview and said he didn't like it...." How??? How does that even make sense????

What I believe is that a lot of people already had their minds made up about him and were holding their breath until they could finally throw accusations at Anthony because the minute there was a potential scandal... they didn’t try to look for more or try to dig deeper...their mind was already set.

And from then on... their idea were already set on how they were going to interprets the things he said.

For instance, When I first read the article without the context of the audio... I thought a lot of the things Anthony said weren't contreversial because those are ideas expressed on Tumblr every day...the fetishization of some MM ships etc,... But I thought he had expressed it in the worst possible way because he seemed like he was mixing a lot of stuff.... well, I found out later that it was because it was taken out of context.

But even in the context of the article, it was clear to me that Anthony was talking about anybody BUT the Queer fans when talking about the exploitation of homosexuality etc,...

We talk about the fetishization of MM ships by straight women on a weekly basis on Tumblr etc.... What would make anybody think that when Anthony was talking about the some things being “twisted” explotation of homosexuality he was talking about the Queer shippers???

I have joined and left BL fandoms after 2 weeks because of the problems exposed by Anthony. I have seen people who shipped real life actors to the point where it affected the actors's lives. I have seen an actor from a popular M/M ship make a dramatic public statement explaining that nothing will change for his fans that he still loved them and still loved his costars... and made it seem like he had a terminal illness or something....It turned out he had just gotten a girlfriend......?????

And these examples are specific to the BL genre but I have seen similar behavior with some MCU stans.... look at how some (I insist on some) Seb stans react to Seb having a girlfriend (I have seen things).

What made people think Anthony was talking about the queers fans if not the fact that you already had your mind set on the fact a Black man talking about a topic like this was homophobic in some way or the other and some people were just waiting for a confirmation?.

I’m not going to pretend that I wasn’t confused by some parts of the interview. What is  “There’s nothing more masculine than being a superhero and flying around and beating people up” even supposed to mean? And it wasn’t the only sentence. But I don’t think any part of his interview deserved the backlash he received.

A discussion? Yes. Remarks? Yes. Blacklash and hate? No.

TL:DR: If you're going to call out Anthony for what he said.... you better  be ready to give a few arguments other than.... "bohoo he doesn't ship Sambucky" or “have you seen the headlines?” and  you should probably check your own pre-conceived ideas first..

If you come in my asks to tell me I write too much I will save you the trip and tell you... I already know that😂

[yoontaethings]

normal kind of love — jjk (1)

pairing: jungkook x reader 

rating: explicit

word count: 2.5k

warnings: a lot of cussing and some teasing if you squint, but other than that none really (the warnings will come next chapter lmao)

you’re one half of hollywood’s on-screen it couple. the greatest chemistry known on-screen with the one and only, jeon jungkook, the bane of your existence.

a/n: this was supposed to be a longer chapter but i decided to split it in half to tease potential readers mwahaha btw this chapter is very very unedited, though i did postpone the upload because i had to remove some parts because i just thought the story didn’t need those bits anymore lol but the rest of this story i haven’t even read through yet, i just wrote and wrote and wrote so please excuse any errors (my tenses might also not be consistent but i’ll edit this soon)

taglist: @min-nicoleee @thisartemisnevermisses @ggukkieland @kokoandkookie @somelazysundays

There was no way.

There was no way in hell they were pairing you up with him. Again.

You were confirmed to be cast as the female lead in the movie before any other characters were casted. They should have chosen a different male lead for this romance film. Heck, even Kim Taehyung, a friend of yours, received an offer for the role and you were certain he planned to take it. Unfortunately for you, even if Taehyung wanted the role, he couldn’t accept it because of scheduling conflict with another film he’s already working on.

Jeon Jungkook, an actor you starred alongside in “Dangerous Illusion”, was just confirmed as the male lead of your upcoming movie “Chosen for Pleasure”. The same man who seemed to make it his life goal to ruin you. After Jungkook was confirmed to play the male lead in your upcoming movie, fans on Twitter have been blowing up about it and made you two a trending topic worldwide. Elated fans mentioned you in their tweets expressing how happy they were to see you two again together. You wish you could say you felt the same.

The previous movie you worked on was a thriller/mystery. You played the part of Jungkook's wife in the film. The film was a blockbuster hit, as a result of the well-thought storyline, yet additionally because of its leads. Fans adored the chemistry between you and Jungkook, regardless of not having a lot of romantic scenes in the film. There were a lot of fans who wanted to see you two on-screen once more, this time, in a romance focused film. Looks like their wishes were coming true.

To add insult to injury, your impending film was going to be an adult romance. It required some steamy scenes that normally didn't trouble you because you were a true professional, yet absolutely irritates you now since you need to do them with Jeon Jungkook.

The script reading was to be done today and your eyes opened an hour later than the time you set for your alarm because of the fucking snooze button. Seriously, why were snooze buttons even invented? They just allowed people to sleep through their alarms continuously.

Hand reaching for the phone on your nightstand, you knocked over a booklet that was over it. It was the script you spent hours reading to grab a sense of the character you were going to portray. Obviously, you already knew the basics about the part you were going to play, but knowing the entire story helped in portraying your character.

Your eyes squinted at the bright light of your phone that had the numbers 8:33 glaring at you, unlocking it to see a couple of texts and missed calls from your manager.

‘Are you awake yet?’

‘Please don’t tell me you forgot about the script reading today’

‘Ok I know you’re still asleep but just make sure you get ready on time, being late won’t do you and your image any favors’

‘I’ll pick you up at 9’

You rolled your eyes at his messages. You loved Hoseok and he was the best manager you could have been given from your agency, but he nagged too much. He was also your friend and his endless nags made you want to rip your eyeballs out sometimes because even when you’re supposed to unwind with him, he never forgets to remind you of your job.

‘I’m the fucking lead, Hobi, they’ll wait for me’

You slapped your phone back onto the nightstand and started going about with your morning routine. You didn’t have a lot of time, and even though you knew they would definitely wait for you, you hated being that bitch who made people wait so you took a quick shower and slapped on some sunscreen, powder, and finishing off with your go-to lipstick. You didn’t bother with makeup and dressing up. This was just going to be a script reading and sure, there were going to be photos taken but the thousands of dollars you’ve spent on facials and treatments already made sure your face was at least flawless despite the lack of effort.

Bringing only your phone, wallet and script, you exited your building and as usual, a shiny black van already awaited outside. Hoseok was leaning on it, scrolling through his phone when he sensed your presence and looked up.

“Oh, thank god you’re on time.” He exhaled in relief, pocketing his phone.

“I value sleep but you’re well aware I also value my career.”

Hoseok grinned. “Now there’s the y/n I know.” He then slid the van door open and you entered without another word.

The drive was pretty much uneventful, with you scrolling through your social media, seeing what fans have been tweeting about recently and with Hoseok humming along to the random pop music playing.

You longed for a distraction, something much more interesting than working your thumb throughout the drive because of the chasm that you were about to jump into when you arrived on set. You weren’t stupid enough to forget about the man who got the role of your romantic interest in the film. But you were wise enough to not let it haunt you for the past weeks. Now though, you can’t really avoid it anymore since you were supposed to be seeing him in person again after almost 2 years. You didn’t exactly leave on the best terms with Jungkook but who knows, maybe you’ll be able to act civil around each other.

At least you were sure you were going to act civil around him, already decided on taking the higher path. You’re not so sure about him, but fingers crossed he’ll at least be an adult about the situation and pretend he can stand being in the same room as you.

Soon enough, you were entering the room the script reading was to be held in. Bowing and greeting the actors and staff seated around the table as you passed by to get to the last vacant seat. You caught Jungkook’s eyes following your movements as you sat down. Luckily, he was seated across from you and it was easier to ignore his presence with the staff members greeting and coddling you.

As always, script reading began with actors introducing themselves and the role they’re going to play. As the female lead, you started off.

“Hello everyone. I’m y/n y/l/n and I’m going to take on the role of Yuri.” Hands clapped around you as you sat back down.

“Hello, I’m Jeon Jungkook and I’ll be playing Ryan.”

You didn’t bother clapping unlike the rest and avoided the eyes of the voice’s origin.

The script reading continued without a hitch– for the most part. The other cast members were very friendly, and laughter was exchanged during the read. The same couldn’t be said for you and Jungkook though.

When lines between your characters were exchanged, there was a weird tension in the room. It felt like everyone else were holding their breaths and waiting for either of you two explode and announce that you can’t do this film anymore. As dramatic as that would be, none of that happened. Instead, cheesy romantic lines sounded flat and bored from both you and Jungkook. The director made a tsk-ing sound whenever that happened.

“It’s always been you.” You read. The script said that Yuri and Ryan stared in adoration towards each other before Ryan uttered his next words.

“Marry me?” Jungkook asked.

You nodded your head as a wrap for the script reading. According to the script, there was supposed to be a kissing scene at the end, so you make ridiculous smooching noises. The cast burst into giggles before the director stood from his seat.

“…and that’s a wrap!” He clasped his hands together. “Hopefully when we start shooting things only look up from there.” He flitted his eyes between you and Jungkook.

Honestly, you wish that too but from yours and Jungkook’s history, you don’t really think that’s possible.

You were both professionals though and you’re sure you could at least count on him to make the on-screen romance feel real.

“I’m sorry.” Hoseok said with pity in his eyes.

“Wha- but… why?” You asked, confused with what was happening.

Your part in the new film ‘The Notebook: Remake’ has apparently been withdrawn. As one of the rising stars in Hollywood, this was a really great opportunity for you. It’s one of the most anticipated films and accepting the offer of being the female lead in the movie was a no-brainer. Anyone who refuses that role is just stupid.

But now they were apparently taking it back.

Hoseok sighed. “There were too many scandals surrounding you recently. It doesn’t matter if they’re true or not, but you’ve been seen in hotels that Jeon Jungkook has been in too, and in everyone’s eyes you’re now secretly seeing him.”

“But we’ve never even been seen together in any of those photos. Don’t people know the word fucking coincidence?” Your brows furrowed, fists clenching at your sides. “And what does this have to do with my role in the film?”

“It seems they wanted someone with a ‘cleaner image’ and someone who’ll get the film to be a hit. Apparently, the romance won't be convincing if the female lead is dating someone in real life.”

You stared at Hoseok. He stared back waiting for a lash out, an angry outburst, anything really, but you remained silent, eyes unmoving. Soon enough, the dam doors burst open and the tears suddenly came streaming down your face. Hoseok exhaled and wrapped his arms around you.

“Hobi what did I do so wrong to deserve this?” you sobbed into his chest.

“Shh, it’s not your fault they’re all dumbasses. But you know the industry, y/n. We’ll find better films for you, okay?”

“Why is Jeon Jungkook such a thorn on my side? Why is he always ruining everything for me?”

“We can’t blame him, honey. He’s probably a victim in this too because of those damn rumor outlets.” Hoseok rubbed his hands along your back.

“But I’m getting the short end of the stick! The rumor is probably just feeding his bad boy persona!”

“Life’s unfair, y/n. Surely by now you’re aware of that. Just remember, karma’s going to bite them in the ass someday, okay? For now, do you want to call it a day and go home? I’ll drive you back and I’ll just report to the agency that you’re not feeling well.”

You nod your head, too listless to bother answering with words because there was only one thing on your mind right now.

Fuck Jeon Jungkook and his good looks. He just ruined the best opportunity for you. You were going to get him back for this. Like Hoseok said, karma’s going to bite him in the ass someday. And that karma was going to be you.

You were supposed to be looking forward to filming one of your dream movies with your dream director. But all you felt was dread when you arrived on set. You promised yourself that you’d stay unaffected to Jeon Jungkook, but you couldn’t help the distaste for him to be left on your face while filming.

The scene you were shooting was when your characters first met and the first takes were a total disaster. You and Jungkook barely spared each other a glance, even when your character was supposed to be enticed by him, breaking down Yuri’s cold exterior. A break was called after the 6th take because the director was so frustrated that he looked like he was about to call the casting director and replace his two leads.

You sighed, not knowing what to do with yourself after the announcement of a break. Your feet led you to your dressing room, ready to pass out on the couch but before you could, someone barged in. Your head turned towards the door, expecting it to be your manager or the director or anyone really, just not the person who currently stood at the doorway.

“Can we talk?” Jungkook asked. Your eyes were suddenly drawn to his biceps which bulged from his shirt as he crossed his arms. The damn arms looked delicious. Too bad they belonged to someone you would never ever be attracted to.

“Sure.” You shrugged your shoulders. You were sure he came here to talk to you about filming and how to work out your indifferences and shit like that and honestly, you were so tired of hating him you’re ready to just go along with whatever. Hating someone actually takes a lot of effort, you realize.

Jungkook stepped towards you until he’s close enough that you had to tilt your head upwards to look at his eyes. His eyes locked on yours for a moment before his arms uncrossed and one of his hands landed on the wall behind you. He successfully caged you in with no way out. His lips part and your eyes are drawn to the movement, feeling his exhales on your nose. You swallowed nervously.

Good lord his breath smelled so good.

“Babe, I’m sure you’re just as thrilled as I am to be working with you again as you are with me, but let’s not mess this up okay? Let’s get this over with perfectly and quickly so we don’t have to deal with each other again after. Deal?” His eyebrows raised in question and you nodded dumbly, unable to form a coherent sentence with how close he was to you.

You felt a sudden rush of heat down there and was mentally cursing the man in front of you for how much he was affecting you. He tilted his head to the side and leaned in closer to your face as if he was about to kiss you then he suddenly stopped, his mouth forming a smirk, taunting you.

That smirk was all it took for you to snap back to reality. No, you were not going to let him take the upper hand here. A burst of confidence surged through you as you leaned closer to him too and allowed your lips to brush lightly against his cheek.

“Deal.”

You pulled away, satisfied with how his lips drooped apparently not expecting that. You looked down and there it was, the tenting of his pants that brought a coy smile to your lips. Ha, take that.

You glanced back up at him, your fingers trailing over his thighs. “Aw, didn’t realize you saw me that way Jeon.” You abruptly pulled away and walked out of the room without another word, leaving him hard and defeated.

This is the beginning of his karma, you thought as you grinned to yourself.

[night-city-valentines]

It's the end of the Year, and I played a lot of games, here's my Top 5!

5 - Saints Row (2022)

I grew up with Saints Row The Third, and after SRIV kinda killed the series, I was a little bummed. This new reboot of the series is a return to form. Yes, it has been scaled back considerably from the insanity of the last two entries, but I see that as a given - its a reboot, they're testing the waters to see if there's still an interest in the franchise. For me, there absolutely is. Hopefully we see more Saints Row games soon.

4 - Cult of the Lamb

An incredibly charming and captivating game, Cult of the Lamb combines a management sim with a roguelike dungeon crawler, and it works perfectly. The artsyle is cute, which contrasts perfectly with the Lovecraftian abominations you encounter.

3 - Fortnite

Yeah, yeah, I know. Fortnite didn't come out this year, BUT this was the first time I properly got into it, after the addition of the Zero Build mode. Removing building means that you can pick it up and play a lot more casually - no more skyscrapers appearing when you take a single shot at an opponent. Super fun, and if you've never played Fornite before because you don't want to worry about being behind on building, its worth giving it a go.

2 - Lego Star Wars: The Skywalker Saga

Another series from my childhood with a banger entry this year, TSS let's you play through the stories of all 9 main Star Wars films. The gameplay is almost completely reinvented for this entry, and with the ability to explore planets, do side quests, and invest in skill trees for the different character types, it feels more like a Lego RPG than anything else.

Before my number 1, let's see some Honorable Mentions:

- Metal Hellsinger

A rhythm-FPS set in Hell with a heavy metal soundtrack, Hellsigner is incredible. What makes it a mention rather than a top 5 is the length. I wish it was longer, but as all the songs feature actual metal vocalists, I understand why the game is the length it is. Still! Hope to see Hellsinger 2 at some point!

- Pokémon Violet

Ah, Pokémon...you tried, ill say that. Violet is a testament against yearly releases and crunch, and its sad. It could have been so much better if Game Freak's devs had another year or so to work on the game, but alas. The loop of catching Pokémon is as fun as ever, if not more so with the lack of random grass encounters, and the story is actually pretty good. What lets it down for me is the overall lack of polish, and the fact that it feels like SUCH a Downgrade from Sword/Shield

- Final Fantasy XIV

I've never been one for MMOs, but when my boyfriend let me play on his account for a while, I was hooked. Truly the only reason this isn't higher is because I haven't put all that much time into it. But I WILL!

- Need For Speed Unbound

Sneaking in at the end of the year, NFS Unbound is tons of fun for a racer. I wouldn't go as far as to call myself a racing game fan, but I WOULD say that I love this game. Like FFXIV the only thing keeping this game down is the time I've spent with it - I only played the free trial of it, but if I end up getting the full version at some point I know I'll sink hours and hours into it.

Finally, my Number One Game of 2022 is...

ELDEN RING

I...hated Soulsborne games. I really did. I found them too challenging, too overwhelming. Then my boyfriend bought me Elden Ring. I figured, hey, I'll try it out.

Now I love Soulsbornes.

Elden Ring is the combined genius of Hidetaka Miyazaki and George R. R. Martin, coupled with Fromsoft's trademark combat system.

I have put over 200 hours into Elden Ring. I've completed the story twice. I've made 4 characters, and I STILL don't think I've found everything this game has to offer. Hell, I recently bought the strategy guides for it (which, by the way, requires two volumes to cover all of the content in Elden Ring).

If you like fantasy - try Elden Ring. If you like challenging combat- try Elden Ring. If you like exploring a beautiful world with a complex story - try Elden Ring. It won GOTY at the Game Awards for a reason.

[myonepiece]

Hey there babe, how you doing? I'm craving some fluff, can you do a scenario with Lucci and his male s/o just chilling together, please? Thank you❤

Always the best you know

tiring

description: lucci returns to his office after an exhausting meeting, leading to cuddles with his s/o (set during cp9)

a/n: this turned out more gn!s/o just because there's no part where it specifies or hints to the gender of the reader, i hope that's okay! 😊

it had been hours since you last saw lucci- he had graciously allowed you to go to work with him as long as you promised to stay in his office. it really wasn't bad, it's a big room and the furniture is high quality and comfortable, lucci had left you with a sweet kiss to your cheek before he left the room hours ago. yup, everything had been going great, until someone, a certain prideful insecure annoying man, possibly by the name of jabra, decided to grace you with his presence and stride into the room with his familiar flirty smile that always appeared around you.

"i'm just saying there are a lot of better choices! in cp9 too!"

jabra's voice climbed an octave as he threw his hands up trying to express his argument- that there are far better potential boyfriends for you, that aren't lucci. more specifically speaking he was talking about himself, as he always is when it comes to comparing who's better at something. you sat on a couch pushed against the wall of lucci's office, fiddling with the hem of your shirt and giving occasional hums making it seem like you were listening to jabra's rant. after hours of lucci missing -busy in a meeting with some world government guys- and a solid excruciating hour and a half of jabra's flirting turned complaining, you desperately wanted to see your man.

and, it just so happened, that he wanted to see you too. he often did, if he was being completely honest with himself. especially after angering meeting like the one he just had, he was trying to keep his mouth shut while he listened to his superiors argue over the most unimportant matters then propose the stupidest ideas and solutions. now he was finally able to leave and head back to his office where you were (hopefully) waiting for him.

lucci's steps echoed in the hall and the agents unfortunate enough to be there going wherever, parted hurriedly when he passed- they always do that anyway but now there were extra whispers of "he looks more angry than usual" which was true- he was mor eannoyed than usual. and approaching the large double doors to his office only to hear jabra's voice coming from inside, did not help one bit.

he pushed open the door and took slight comfort in the way your face lit up when you saw him. jabra glared at him crossly and was met with a glare of equal annoyance from lucci.

"get lost."

his pearl colored eyes flicked to jabra, his face expressing the same lack of emotion as always- now coupled with a little extra irritation.

"you can't tell me what to do."

"it's my office. and yes i can."

after what felt like ten minutes of a staring contest between the two trying to assert dominance over the situation, jabra grunted and slipped his hands into his pockets before walking out. lucci shut the doors quickly and silence overtook the room while he made his way to his desk sitting down with a barely audible sigh, hattori flew off his shoulder to perch on his own mini desk hanging on a swing-like platform in the corner

you waited patiently on the couch tinkering with your hands while looking at your boyfriend with an expectant excitement. lucci looked up from his desk glaring at you, then he pinched the bridge of his nose and outstretched his arm, gesturing for you to go over to him.

you happily got up and scurried across the room to where lucci had pulled away from his desk giving you enough room to crawl onto his lap. one you were settled, straddling the agent's lap with your hands intertwined behind his neck and his arms snaking around your waist loosely, you nuzzled your nose against his cheek to then whisper the following, "how was your meeting baby?"

lucci exhaled through his nose and glanced to the side at you, his piercing gaze running over your features. he leaned down slightly and his lips met your cheek pushing into the flesh faintly and lingering as he closed his eyes finally feeling some sort of relaxation and antonym of annoyance.

"same as always. did you have fun with jabra?"

there was a teeny bit of anger, jealousy, and irritation simultaneously hidden in his question and voice.

"of course, we're planning to overthrow the government next wednesday and we have a lunch date tomorrow to dicuss your place in our plans for the future."

the dark haired man side-eyed you in annoyance, finding no more humor in your joke than the first time you had said it in hopes of making him laugh.

one of his arms tightened around your waist and his other hand traveled up your back resting in between your shoulder blades to push you closer to him. his lips neared your ear and you could feel his hot breath fanning the side of your face as he vexatiously whispered,

"we both know you wouldn't be able to get past me."

and his lips met yours in a deep, yet soft, kiss- one that he realized he had been craving ever since the meeting started, it was always the perfect thing to cheer him up.

a contented hum escaped him when you broke apart and you replaced your lips onto his forehead.

"do you have more work?"

"yes, i should be done in hour."

you made a sound of "okay" and nuzzled into lucci's neck, inhaling his expensive cologne. his hands dropped from your body and you could hear papers being moved around atop his desk. one of your hands moved up and entangled with his raven hair, your nails gently scratching his head eliciting a relaxed sigh from lucci.

as you pulled your fingers carefully through lucci's dark hair, your eyelids began to droop and you found yourself nodding off, fighting to keep awake and not give in to the warmth exuding from him.

being the observant (sometimes too) man that he is, he recognized your dwindling energy and the slowing of your breath.

"go to sleep, i'll wake you when i'm done."

in your sleepy state, a halfhearted giggle came from your lips before you found yourself almost effortlessly slipping into unconsciousness.

[starlightrows]

Something Sweet

Chapter 0 - Chasing Dreams

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Series Masterlist

Pairing: Modern!Paz Vizsla x fem!reader

Word Count: 3.4K

Warnings: angst, symptoms of depression (not graphic or diagnosed), brief mention of alcohol and drug use, hopeful ending

Summary: Paz finds himself trapped in a routine that’s keeping him tied to a lifestyle that brings him no joy. It’s not until a phone call from his good friend Din, that he realizes that there are better things waiting just over the horizon if you can just be brave enough to make the leap of faith

This chapter is labeled chapter 0, because it takes places before the events of the actual story and does not include the reader. If you’re only here for the couply-goodness, feel free to skip this chapter and sit tight the romance is coming I promise!

Chapter 0 - Chasing Dreams is dedicated to @maybege who inspires me to chase my fan fiction dreams every single day, and is single handedly responsible for my love, yearning, and obsession with the Big Blue Mando Man we all know and love as Paz Vizsla! This is one is for you May ❤️

The 5am train is full of commuters, heading into work with coffee cups in hand and more or less rested ready to start the day. Everyone seems to be on the same page, consume enough caffeine to be personable by the time you get to the office, use the time on the train to do your hair or makeup or start a little early on emails from your phone if you’re behind. It’s all very hustle and bustle, keep your head down and keep grinding to make it in the big city.

Paz rode the 5am train every morning. But not heading into the city. No, he got on the train at 5am and rode it all the way down to the end of the line to get back to his dumpy little shoebox of an apartment on the outskirts of the city around 8am.

Why he chose to move to the city after getting out of the Marine Corps was beyond him. His commander told him that he had a friend that was looking to hire some muscle as private security for his upper echelon nightclubs and it could be a good job opportunity for him fresh out of the service. Not having anywhere else to go, he took the job. Now his days blurred together in a lopsided haze. Wake up around 3pm, eat something cheap and tasteless, work out, shower and get dressed to work. Catch the 6pm train into the city and spend all three hours thinking about far away places. What his life might be like if he was someone else or somewhere else. Get to the club and start work at 9pm. Spend the night watching people dance and sing and scream, drink ridiculously expensive alcohol and take brightly colored party drugs that blow out their pupils and make them want to dance and sing more. By the time 5am rolls around again his head is pounding from listening to electronic dance music for 8 continuous hours, and he spends the remaining 3 hours of his day riding the train back out of the city and wishing he had made different choices in his life.

Of course he does get Monday’s and Tuesday’s off, those days he still doesn’t really know what to do with himself. It’s too expensive to have a car in the city, so he can’t drive anywhere. And he’s too far away from any of the attractions of the city to walk to them. So he tends to spend his off days either walking around the track at the local park, or in his tiny kitchen kneading bread dough and baking test batches until it comes out the way he liked it. This is one of the big things he spends his time wondering about. If he kept up working in private security, and paying for this shit apartment, would he someday be able to afford to move closer to work and spend less time commuting? Maybe he could eventually save up and get a place with a bigger kitchen so he could try making more things. He liked baking. Kneading bread dough, making cake batter, mixing frosting colors. It’s telling that a man like him dreamt about pastries and cooking every night, and spent his long commuting hours debating on saving up more for a better place or spending a little extra on culinary equipment.

He didn’t tell anybody this is how he spent his time and money, not that he really talked to anyone these days anyway. Since leaving the service he hasn’t been good about keeping up with his brothers in arms, or his friends from before getting deployed. He hasn’t really made new friends in the city either. It’s not that he doesn’t want to talk to any of them, he’s just busy and when he does think about reaching out to someone, he always figures they’re busy too. Every day the sun rises and sets, and it’s like he’s just floating through life, waiting for something to change.

One Monday, Paz is walking around the track at the local park. It’s scraggly and not well maintained but at least it’s outdoors. He’s thinking about the sourdough loaf back in his apartment rising right now. Hopefully this one will turn out good, he’s planning to try a dutch oven bake soon, but that requires buying a dutch oven and he’s trying so hard to save up for a better apartment. His phone vibrates in his pocket, and he considers just letting it go to voicemail figuring it was probably his boss asking him to come in and work tonight. But something in him tells him to look, the name on the screen surprises him. Din Djarin. His long time friend from way back before joining the service. Paz answered the phone.

“Hey buddy, Happy Birthday!” Din says. Paz stopped walking

“It’s not my birthday?” Paz stepped off to the side of the track and sat down on a bench running a hand over his face.

Din laughs on the other end of the line, “Yeah it is, April 30th right?”

Paz pulls his phone away from his face and checks the date, “Holy shit, it is my birthday,”

“Yeah man. Did you really forget?” Din asks, he sounds like he’s moving around Paz hopes he’s not bothering him or getting in the way of his day right now.

“Honestly yeah, it feels like April just started,” he admits

“Been busy then? Running around in the big city, making big money, romancing cute hunnies?” Din teases, Paz can hear another voice on the other side. He figure’s it’s Din’s son, he’s gotta be about two or three years old now.

“Yeah, something like that,” Paz mumbles

“Yeah? Then why don’t you sound happy about it?” Din asks, sensing his friends lack of enthusiasm

“It’s fine, really. The city is nice, I just wish I could actually live in it and enjoy it. Actually I wish everyone who lived here actually enjoyed it. Kinda just feels like everyone who lives here only knows how to work or be a strung out party goer,” Paz sighs

“Guess the big city life isn’t all it's cracked up to be huh,” Din says “Listen… you should come out to visit sometime. I feel like this city is more your style. We’re still a major city with nice attractions and events, but there’s more community here and things are a little slower ya know,”

“I can’t just drop everything and go all the way out there. You live over 2000 miles away,” Paz says, though the prospect of a smaller city with a community atmosphere does sound awfully appealing

“Paz, you’ve been working for a private security company for two years and I can almost guarantee that you haven’t taken a single hour of paid time off or sick leave. Flights are a little pricey, I’ll give you that, but you can stay with me so you don’t have to pay for a hotel or anything,” Din offers “I’ll pay for your half of your flight, call it a birthday present,”

“I’ll tell you what Din, I’ll think about it. You’re probably right, I do need to get out of the city for a bit. I’ll talk to the boss about taking some time off,” Paz says, standing back up.

“That’s the spirit!” Din exclaims “Call me when you figure out a time that’s good for you so we can book you a flight,”

Paz and Din chat idly for another couple of minutes before Din bids him goodbye, and happy birthday. Paz tucks his phone back into his pocket and smiles. For the first time in a very long time, he’s actually looking forward to something.

----

Two weeks later Paz is sitting on a plane for the first time since coming back to the states after deployment, with two weeks off of paid vacation time on his way to visit Din. It’s a long six and half hour flight and the seat is pretty small for how wide his frame is, but he’s hopeful. If nothing else, he was going to get to spend two weeks with his best friend.

Din is waiting for him at the airport when his flight arrives. He greets him with a bracing hug and the promise of a really good dinner waiting for him. The moment Paz steps out of the airport he knows he’s in trouble. Instead of a massive industrial looking city full of high rise buildings with thousands of people pushing their way through to get on with their day, he’s met with bright blue skies. Trees that are just starting to put out new leaves and flowers for spring. The air is fresh and clear. A feeling wells up in his chest, when he turns and can see mountains in the distance. It’s beautiful.

“You coming?” Din draws him out of his thoughts, tossing his suitcase in the back of his truck.

“Yeah, I just didn’t realize you lived so close to the mountains,” Paz admitted stepping up into the passenger seat.

“Everyone says that when they first come here. You should see them in winter when they’re covered in snow,” Din says. Paz can imagine it, but he hopes to see it with his own eyes.

Din drives through the city, it’s a lot like the city Paz had just come from, except older and less flashy. Less people, and less cars. All of the businesses looked unique and inviting.

Din passes a street and points down it without looking, “My studio is right down there. It’s a great little spot. All the business owners on the block are close, we play poker and shoot pool on Tuesday nights at the bar on the corner. You’re definitely coming with me for that this week,”

“I could shoot some pool,” Paz laughs.

Din turns out of the downtown area, and takes a main boulevard lined with fast food restaurants and dive bars. Din points again, “That’s the stadium for the university. Hope you like football, because it’s kind of a big thing here,”

“Still think I could have pulled a scholarship for football straight out of high school if I wasn’t so dead set on going into the Marine Corps,” Paz jokes

“It’s just as well,” Din shrugs with a smile “you make one hell of a Marine,”

Din turns down another road off the main drag. They pass parks, an elementary school, neighborhoods, and a lone Dairy Queen before turning into another neighborhood full of very nice houses with front lawns and trees giving off pink and white flower buds.

Din pulls the truck up into one of the driveways, and cuts the engine. Paz gets out of the truck and takes in the house. It’s massive by his standards.

“Is your girlfriend a CEO or something?” Paz asks with a laugh. Din gives him a look, and goes to take the suitcase out of the back.

“No? She and her brothers flip houses together,” he replies “why do you ask?”

“Your place is huge, man! When I was a kid these are the kind of houses I thought millionaires lived in,” Paz follows Din towards the front door.

Din laughs, as he unlocks the door. “Maybe in other states, but not here. The million dollar houses here are the size of castles. This house is pretty average for this area, and it didn’t cost us an arm and a leg to get,”

Paz nods and follows his friend into the house. It’s not just a house, it’s a home. Paz can tell because even though it’s clean on the inside it looks lived in, well loved. Pictures and art on the walls. The living room had a big tv and sectional couch, perfect for hosting game day events and watch parties. He could see a chest in the corner that clearly had toys in it. The kitchen was huge! A double doored refrigerator, cabinet space and marble countertops. He can see through a sliding glass door there’s a backyard, a play structure and home swing set sat in the middle of it for Din’s little boy. He didn’t have any pets but he could picture a dog running around out there too.

This is it. This is what he’d spent the last two years dreaming about on the train rides to and from the city. This is his far away place. He’s been here for less than half an hour and he already knows, he is meant to be here.

The next two weeks are the happiest Paz has ever felt. Exploring the downtown area, visiting the parks and the nature reserve just outside of town, the restaurants serve great food that doesn’t cost a fortune. He takes Din’s little boy to the zoo and out for ice cream. He gets to know Din’s girlfriend and her two brothers, apparently flipping houses in some of the older more run down parts of town is very rewarding and breathes new life into the city. He visits Din’s tattoo studio, and goes with him to the bar on Tuesday night like he promised.

Everyone there is friendly, welcoming and adamantly against him leaving at the end of the week.

“You sure you have to go back, you’re part of the crew man!” says Cara, she owns the boxing studio down the street.

Paz took a swing from his beer, and laughed “You think I want to go back there? I gotta figure out how to get out of my lease, quit my job. I gotta find somewhere to live and work here first,”

“If you’re looking for a job just to get on your feet, I could use another bartender,” Boba, the guy who owns the bar says “Fennec is looking to move to part time too, more time slots available for work,”

“If you’re serious, I’ll take you up on that offer,” Paz says.

Boba extends a hand to him, “Job’s yours if you want it,” Paz grins and shakes his hand.

A few days later Paz is genuinely sad about having to hug Din’s little boy goodbye, and get back on the plane to take him back across the country. Back to the city that never sleeps, and doesn’t appreciate the little things in life. Back to the six hours round trip of commuting. Back to the scraggly uncared for parks and dirty streets. He promised himself on that plane ride, he would not get caught up in the monotony and blinding routine like before. There is a better life waiting for him. All he has to do is make the leap of faith and take it.

———

He holds himself to his promise. In the first week when he got back he spent the entire three hour train ride to work researching apartments in the area he wanted to live. He was shocked to find out the exact same price he was paying for his shoebox apartment with no amenities and terrible maintenance; could get him a huge apartment with a big kitchen, access to a pool, gym, and shared entertainment space. It even came with a parking spot. And there were other options that were almost as nice for less money. And to think he had wasted so much time and money pretending he was happy, or was getting close to being able to afford to be happy living in the bigger city. What a joke.

He had Din submit an application to an apartment complex he really liked about a week after he got back. The second he found out he was approved and got the apartment, he put in his two weeks notice and started packing. Another six hours plane trip didn’t sound very appealing but, at least it was a one way trip this time.

Paz found moving out of his apartment to be exceptionally easy. He threw all of his belongings into two suitcases, and shipped the few things that wouldn’t fit in a box he could pick up at the post office when he got there. Everything else was not worth saving, so he put everything out on the side of the road in front of his old apartment with a piece of paper taped to it that read: FREE!

Unfortunately moving into the new apartment in the new city was a little more challenging. Furnishing an apartment from scratch is no small task. But to his amazement and truly heartfelt joy, all of Din’s friends he had met when he came to visit helped him move things into his new place. Boba even loaned him his truck to go pick up bigger furniture like the couch and bed frame he ordered. Cara and Peli, the woman who owned the auto parts store on the next block over from Din’s studio and Boba’s bar, sat with him for hours assembling IKEA furniture. Din’s girlfriend even came by with Din’s little boy, to visit uncle Paz and help him figure out how to appropriately decorate and furnish a “real apartment”.

He loves his new life in this new city. Working for Boba at the bar in the evenings is pretty low stress, and he makes quite a bit in tips. During the day he’s been working on sourdough starters, determining the best herbs and flavors to top focaccia bread, trying his hand at doing French baguettes. And more recently, he’s been trying to make chocolate croissants from scratch. Though he hasn’t had much success yet. But he keeps trying.

Every time something comes out perfect, he writes down every step in a blue notebook he found lying around with his things before he moved.

Paz never imagined his life turning out like this. If he was told just 3 months ago he would be moving across the country on a whim, to chase his dream of living a simpler life, he wouldn’t have believed it. And then things got even better.

About six months after moving, Paz really felt like he was home in this city. He split his time between working part time as an instructor at Cara’s boxing studio, bartending for Boba, and working on his culinary hobby. Until one day, the older couple that owned the bagel shop a few doors down from Din’s tattoo studio closed up shop. Apparently they were retiring, packing up the business and moving out of state to be closer to their grandchildren.

There was a sign on the vacant building indicating the unit was about to become available. A thought crossed his mind…. he had no idea where it came from or if he was remotely qualified to pull it off… but it couldn’t hurt to ask.

“Does anyone have a contact number for the couple that owned the bagel shop?” Paz asks the group

“Yeah,” Cara pipes up “I house sat for them once. Why?”

“I want to buy their industrial baking equipment, and takeover their lease,” he replies seriously

“You want to run the bagel shop?” Fennec asks

“No… I uh, I wanna open a bakery,” Paz admits

“You do make a mean sourdough dude…. I say go for it,” Din encourages him

“I’m sure they’ll sell you the equipment at a discount. Hell they might even leave it to you for free if you tell them what you’re gonna do with it,” Cara tells him, she writes down a phone number on a napkin and hands it to Paz. He pockets the napkin with a thank you and a nod.

The next day he calls the number, and has a lovely chat with the wife who, as Cara pointed out, was eager to get the equipment off their hands. She also provided a ton of helpful information on running a small business in this area, who trustworthy suppliers were, a good lawyer to get all the paperwork done, a good accountant to file taxes next spring, and more. Honestly it was a lot more than Paz has even considered, but something in his heart was telling him it’s the right decision. That this is a challenge he absolutely had to tackle. That maybe this has always been his calling.

And right he was. Vizsla’s Bakery had a grand debut the following autumn. And he knew, this is it. He’s finally made it. All of the time he spent in the Marines fighting in wars he never truly understood, all of his years spent working a mindless job in a depressing city, pretending he was not struggling. All of it has led him here. To a city he loves, with friends so close to him they’re like family, a home… a real home. And a dream he can finally live out.

Tag List: @maybege

[makeste]

BnHA 6th Popularity Poll Reaction Post - Risky Spoiler-Dodging Edition

hey guys, so seeing as the results from the 6th popularity poll were leaked today, I figured I would do a separate reaction + analysis post this year, rather than piling it in as an extra on top of the chapter reaction post tomorrow. I figure this makes more sense anyway, since they’re really two completely different things. also this way I can write as much as I want lol.

also, just fyi, I am still completely unspoiled for chapter 293. and probably the smart thing to do to keep it that way would be to log off tumblr and hold off posting this until tomorrow, but I apparently have no impulse control today so oh well. anyway, so I’m hoping you guys will keep this spoiler-free if you don’t mind! as always, I would prefer to just jump right in completely unaware tomorrow like Troy returning to the study room with the pizza boxes lol.

okay so this first part is just going to be my predictions. fyi I am writing this part on Wednesday night, and then I’ll add on the results part on Thursday or Friday (ETA: Thursday, apparently, since I am impatient.)

okay so first of all, just as a refresher, this poll was open to Japanese voters from Aug 3 to Sep 30. meaning chapters 279 through 285. meanwhile last year’s poll took place around the tail end of the MVA arc. so between then and now we had Heroes Rising, the Endeavor Agency arc, and the War arc up to the part where the 1-A kids took on Gigantomachia in Gunga, and started battling Tomura in Jakku. so technically only a couple of arcs, but a LOT of stuff going down in them. oh and season 4 of the anime as well

so! firstly, I predict that my truculent africanized honeybee son will hold on to his crown at #1, coming off a year in which he did some internship-boosted soul searching, borrowed OFA in movie canon, and finished out the voting period as the my-body-moved-on-its-own character development MVP. like CALL ME CRAZY lol, but I’m pretty sure his title is safe. and then after him will be Deku and Shouto as usual

Aizawa should hopefully also have a strong showing because the dude had a banner fucking year. reunited with his old dead friend, took on Tomura with his hopelessly inept hero pals, and then chopped his fucking leg off. he had better be in the top 10. his fucking leg died for this, idk what else he has to do

Endeavor also stands a decent chance of doing well given the internship arc and the final episode of season 4. which I’m sure will go down just swimmingly if that does happen lmao. especially if he somehow manages to rank higher than...

Dabi, which I don’t think he will btw, but you never know. anyways though, but I’m thinking Dabi’s going to have a stronger showing than in past years (in the last poll he only got 367 votes and was ranked 19th). mostly because of his fight in the Gunga mansion, and his cheekily censored name reveal to...

Hawks, who is also going to rank pretty high here, I think. might be he loses some points for killing off Twice, but his back was basically to the wall there. and he has always been very popular, and I think season 4 will also give him a boost, along with his heavy involvement in the first half of the War arc

Tomura was already in 6th place last year and I think he cracks the top 5 this year. he’s gotten exponentially more popular since the MVA arc, and got a boost in the last poll even though his flashback had only just barely happened, and he hadn’t finished Awakening yet and all that stuff. anyway, so he’s only gotten cooler and more tragic since then so I think he makes a big play here

Kirishima, Momo, Tokoyami, and Mina should also hopefully do well, since the poll opened right in the middle of all that Gigantomachia action, and Toko had just got done being an absolute badass and protecting his birb dad. I don’t think he’ll quite make it to the top ten, but he should

and last but not least, I’m hoping that Mirko will come out and take the polls by storm, although I have no clue how popular she is in Japan lol. she’s clearly Horikoshi’s favorite though. she SHOULD be everyone’s favorite, but I mean, we’ll see how it goes

anyway that’s it as far as predictions! and so now, through the magic of writing stuff at different times, we will fast-forward to the part where we actually find out the results!

OH MY GOD YES, STEAMPUNK KHLKSLLKL. HERE FOR IT. JOLLY GOOD SHOW. 5 STARS

Kacchan looks SO COCKY and SO HAPPY and SO ADORABLE, YES I SAID IT. he is adorable as FUCK. I don’t quite know what it is about this particular Kacchan that just screams “LOOK HOW FUCKING CUTE MY STUPID, LOUD SON IS WITH HIS BIZARRE WINDOWPANE-LOOKING CONVERTIBLE SUNGLASS GOGGLES and his POORLY TIED CRAVAT”, but I think it’s because he looks like if a Digimon character and a FMA character had a baby

anyway, so it looks like most of the people present here are more or less who we expected to see. except that I can’t tell for sure if that’s Dabi or Shindou, and if it’s Shindou I’m going to punch somebody in the face so you will have to excuse me

Iida wearing a TRENCHCOAT and a TOP HAT with ENGINE EXHAUST GOGGLE ACCENTS is my new favorite Iida of all time. take note how there is no possible way he can wear those goggles with them sitting on top of his hat like that. plus he’s already got glasses on. these are just purely for aesthetic and IF THAT AIN’T JUST THE STEAMPUNK WAY

Deku out here speaking softly and carrying a lead pipe. Kacchan you best look out. seems like he’s done watching you take first place year after year while he languishes in the number two spot. your only hope is that he trips while attacking you because his boots are unbuckled

Shouto’s standing over there with the rest of the non-first-and-second-place characters, but what are the odds his results are actually within spitting distance of Deku’s same as always. anyway he doesn’t mind, though. also his outfit is by far the most sensible one here, but if you look closely he’s got some sort of fire extinguisher/jet pack thing strapped to his back that’s got a control switch on his belt. Shouto are you jetpacking or putting out fires

Kirishima out here all “I’m not sure what steampunk is so I’m just going to take off my shirt and pose”

AIZAWA WITH THE EYEPATCH SKLKSDLKFJLSKJLDFKJSLDFFJLDKSJFL:KS. SIR. SIR. also, lowkey furious that Horikoshi refuses to show us the automail leg that he is clearly sporting here but which we just can’t see, SHOUTO MOVE GODDAMMIT

Endeavor has TWO fire extinguisher-slash-jetpacks. THE BETTER TO... WHATEVER. look at you here in the top ten again. you really live for that controversy

HAWKS OUT HERE WITH HIS STEAMPUNK BEATS BY DRE AND HIS WEARING A RING ON EVERY FINGER. nice to see you’ve still got your wings there, kiddo. then again Deku still has both of his arms too so who even knows what is going on

BUT SERIOUSLY THOUGH, IS THIS DABI OR SHINDOU. as if I don’t know the truth deep down in my heart. y’all I am gonna flip lmao. it’s not that I dislike Shindou, strictly speaking. but just... I can’t explain what it is, but if you put him and AFO next to each other and told me “you can only punch one”, I would be having a serious crisis. just, THIS FUCKING GUY, idek. STOP SMILING

Tomura looks like he just wandered onto the set here by mistake and has no idea where he is or what is going on. it’s because you’re wearing a bigass severed hand that’s blocking your entire view, Tomura. just take the hand off your face my sweet murder dumpling

anyway! so I managed to also find a link to the full poll results while somehow managing to avoid spoilers, and then I wanted to compare the results to last year’s poll, and so I made... this

hopefully you can all see this. if you’re on desktop you might be screwed, but on mobile you should be able to click and enlarge it. I mean, assuming you actually give a fuck about boring poll analysis spreadsheets lmao

anyway, so there were actually 13k fewer votes cast this year which is a bit of a surprise. is the series not still growing in popularity? do people apparently have better things to do during their quarantine lol

anyways but despite this, and despite getting 8k fewer votes overall, Kacchan still managed almost twice as many as his closest competitor. well fought, Deku. please put down that pipe

I somehow always underestimate the power of ship popularity to influence these things. but for example, it looks like Present Mic got that Vigilantes Trio bump. ride that wave for all it’s worth my man! hell, you got me on board

Iida fucking Tenya somehow got some sort of POWER BOOST out of NOWHERE which I can’t explain at all lmao, but I’m here for it. NOT BAD FOR AN OLD MAN

Sero managed to get the exact same number of votes in both 2019 and 2020. clearly the most loyal fans in the business

Mirko being all the way down at #20 is, of course, a travesty, and I hereby nominate her to be the one to punch Shindou in the face

ngl though, the lack of a single female character in the top ten hurts just a bit. it’s not overly surprising, but still. the worst part of it is that even if you kicked Shindou to the curb and moved everyone else up one slot, it would still be all dudes since Mic beat out Momo by a margin of a little more than a hundred votes. hard to stay mad at Mic for too long, though. ah well

Tomura actually lost a bunch of votes which is a genuine surprise to me. I know the villain standom isn’t as dominant in Japan as it is in Western fandom, but still. you can go ahead and punch Shindou too I guess

Tokoyami lowkey doubled his vote count over the past year while hiding down there at #18. he is slowly becoming more powerful. biding his time

anyway so I think that’s it! I mean not really, but I’m getting kind of tired lol. so just, you know, insert the usual gripes at Overhaul’s ranking here, although we can be happy about Magne making her way onto the list (r.i.p.), and Mineta and AFO taking a very satisfying slide down (all the way out, in AFO’s case; good riddance you bum). Hadou also got a huge boost which is awesome. Mustard’s persistent ownership of the #36 spot will forever remain a mystery to me, but oh well

anyways, this was fun. and I really do feel like everyone is looking away on purpose so that when Deku brains Kacchan with that pipe in about two seconds from now, there will be no witnesses, oh my fucking god

[jazy3]

Thoughts on Grey’s Anatomy: 17X17

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

I liked this episode, but I wish they had gone deeper and delved into things in a more in depth way for many of the storylines. It also felt to me like there should have been a Part 2 and that this episode should have been Part 1 of a two part finale rather than the Finale itself. I wish they had done this episode the one week earlier or that they had spaced out the content between two episodes because then we could have gotten longer scenes between each of the characters rather than short snippets.

I loved seeing Meredith back at the hospital working again and doing what she does best! I like Meredith in her new role, and I think combining that with starting to operate again as Richard once did is a good fit for her at this point in her career and in her recovery. I really enjoyed her storyline with Bailey and their conversations about tradition versus forming a new path because I can see both sides. I can see why doing the speech and following in Richard's footsteps was important to Bailey, but I can also see Meredith's point. As she says people are dying every day from COVID and the last thing the students need is for someone else to talk at them about medicine when what they really need is to practice and see real examples.

My favourite parts of the episode by far were the scenes with Meredith and Hayes! I loved the OR board scene. I loved their banter and the way they smiled at each other. I love that Hayes was cracking jokes about Meredith getting sick and them not being able to go out for a drink because of the pandemic because admitting how scared he was and how much he cares would be too painful. And I love that Meredith totally got that and matched what he was saying because it’s scary and painful for her too. In this scene we learned that Meredith knows that Hayes is the one that found her and that she remembers him talking to her while she was unconscious, begging her to fight, and talking to her about her kids.  

We got confirmation that Hayes was asking Meredith out on a date at the end of last season and that she wishes they could have gone and had a drink before the pandemic hit. Hayes’ jokes about her getting sick to avoid having to turn him down and that it must have been some other Irishman begging her to wake up only work because it’s clear how untrue all of that is. Meredith clearly wants to go out with him and he’s obviously been worried sick about her and she knows that otherwise she would have reacted differently when he made those jokes. But she gives as good as she gets, matches him, and plays along because admitting how scary all of that is is just too much.

I also loved their scene in the Attendings Lounge although I wish it could have been longer and in a more intimate setting like one of their offices or a meeting room of some kind away from prying eyes. I love how Hayes just rolls with the punches. When he comes into the room Meredith is crying on the couch. It’s Christmastime and Hayes knows as a fellow widow how hard that the holidays can be. He comments says as much to Meredith, but she’s not in the mood for talking about how much she misses Derek, so she changes the subject and pretends that she’s upset about her patient Gerlie not being able to get a lung transplant.

So, Hayes plays along and talks about how great that would be. He then tells Meredith he got her a present and gives her a bottle whiskey. When Meredith comments that it’s opened and half full, he replies that he got for her on short notice. Which implies to me that he was planning on getting her a bottle of whiskey for Christmas, but he figured he’d see her later on, but when the opportunity arose for them to have a drink and he happened to have a half full opened bottle of whiskey he decided to give it to her as a gift rather than wait till later. Either that or he bought the bottle for her as a gift and then when he didn’t see her wound up drinking part of it only to run into her shortly thereafter.

I love that they were finally able to have a drink like they talked about, but I wish the scene was longer and more intimate. I was really hoping to see them talk about how hard it must have been for Hayes to find Meredith in the parking lot after what happened with Abigail and her time on the beach. I’m hoping that we’ll get to see that next season during one of their dates. I also really want to know what happened after they cut away. Did they continue to drink in the Attendings Lounge before going home? Did they retire to one of their offices to drink some more before going home?

I really loved the scene with them at Maggie’s wedding. The adoring way Hayes looked at Meredith and her kids as they came down the aisle and the look they shared during the ‘in sickness and health’ part of the vows. I’ve seen a few different interpretations of this and I would like to share my favourites. I’ve seen some people say that Hayes looked over at her and they shared a look because they both know what it means to love someone and watch them get sick and die young. Others have speculated that Hayes looks over at her because he waited for her when she was sick and now she’s healthy. Others have suggested that Hayes looked over at her in that moment and Meredith saw him in her peripheral vision and so she looked over and they shared that moment before turning back to the wedding.

Like a lot of fans I was really hoping to see them dance at Maggie and Winston’s wedding and while I’m disappointed that that didn’t happen she wouldn’t be Meredith Grey if she didn’t leap into action when her patient needed her. Plus, we now know that Teddy and Owen are engaged and will likely get married next season so they could presumably dance at their wedding. I wish the scenes between Meredith and Hayes in this episode had been longer and more intimate, but I understand that moving the timeline forward eight months made that difficult. It felt like they cut away from their scenes just as it was getting interesting and so with Meredith back on her feet and the show having moved forward to April 2021 I’m hoping that next season there won’t be as many time jumps and we’ll get to see longer more meaningful scenes with Meredith and Hayes like we did last season.

I'm excited to see them pick up this storyline next season and hopefully move it from a slow burn to a raging fire. Because I gotta be honest I was super into the slow burn element last season, but this season I was a bit annoyed. I sat through many a relationship of Meredith’s that I knew wasn’t going to work out or that wasn’t right and watching her and Hayes dance around each other when they could be together and happy is getting a bit tedious. Especially since I’m not as invested in the other couples as I am in Meredith and Hayes. I was super invested in Tom and Teddy, but now that’s over and with Tom in Boston there’s no chance of that storyline coming back full time.

I like Maggie and Winston and I like Amelia and Link but I’m not as invested in those couples as I am in Meredith and Hayes so I’m hoping for more movement next season. I love Meredith and Hayes together so much! I love their friendship and I love them as a romantic pairing. I love their banter and how they just get each other. I truly believe they will get together next season and that their relationship will be a big plot point in Season 18.

While I loved Maggie and Winston’s wedding the drama it took to get there to me was a bit ridiculous. While I'm glad that Maggie’s Dad and Winston’s Grandmother objected so that they could have a real wedding at the end of the episode which is what they really wanted and deserved I was frustrated by how that came about. Maggie literally made that exact point the previous episode and Winston took it as Maggie getting cold feet and was really upset about it. If he had just listened to Maggie and really thought about what she was saying he would have gotten it.

Instead, he got upset and Maggie wound up compromising to the point that the backyard wedding wasn’t at all what she wanted, and Amelia wasn’t even there because she got called into work. Maggie did all of the compromising and Winston did none. Then his grandmother makes the same exact point as Maggie did the week prior and suddenly he gets it? It felt a bit like drama for drama's sake. That being said, I loved their official wedding! I thought it was beautiful. I am happy that Maggie finally found happiness with someone who gets her (most of the time) and I'm excited to see her adjust to married life next season.

I have a similar critique about Amelia and Link’s storyline. Up until these last couple of episodes they’ve had a very healthy relationship which was sabotaged when Link became convinced out of the blue that Amelia wanted to get married and have more kids when she specifically told him she did not want to get married anytime soon and he brought up having more kids then went to go get popcorn and then never asked her whether or not that was something she wanted. Which frustrated me because it felt like a rehashing of a storyline they’ve already done.

Amelia has already gone through this with Owen more than once. We saw Cristina go through this with Owen before that. What is it with men on Grey’s Anatomy becoming convinced that their girlfriends want to get married and have a bunch of kids when they literally tell them that they don’t or they’ve never asked them? I was sad to see them fall apart in this episode and I feel like it was a lack of communication on both ends that caused the break up. Link became enamoured with the idea of getting married and having more kids even though Amelia told him she didn't want to get married and he never actually asked her if she wanted more children and ignored her obviously panicked response when the topic came up multiple times. Amelia for her part was clear she didn't want to get married anytime soon, but struggled to tell Link she didn't want more kids because he was so excited every time the topic came up and having gone through that with Owen multiple times before she dreaded how it might end so she avoided the topic. I think Link went way too far with proposing to Amelia and by saying yes to fostering Luna without talking to Amelia first. Also, where does Link get off telling Amelia that Zola, Bailey, and Ellis aren’t his family but he loves them anyone and then arguing that it’s the same with Luna?

Amelia and Link were both close to Meredith before she got sick and were living at her house. Amelia and Jo like each other but aren’t that close. Amelia looked after Meredith and Derek’s kids back when Derek was alive and has been a part of their lives for many years and Link had spent time with them before Meredith got sick. Amelia had never even met Luna prior to this episode. Also looking after your dead brother’s kids when your sister-in-law is in the hospital and might die is very different then agreeing to foster a high needs baby so that your partner’s best friend can adopt her.

To top it off, Link literally tells Amelia that Zola, Bailey, and Ellis are her family but not his family technically and then turns around and tries to propose to her at Meredith’s house in front of them and when he gets upstaged by Owen decides to use those same kids to propose to her at her sister’s wedding. He got the kids involved when he straight up told Jo he wasn’t sure if Amelia would say yes. Why would you do that if you don’t know what the answer is going to be? Now the kids are upset and these aren’t just random relatives.

Amelia and Link raised those kids for two months while Meredith was sick. Amelia outright says in an earlier episode that Zola has big wedding dress dreams, but that she doesn’t want to get married so why on God’s green earth would Link think that involving Zola who has been through enough was a good idea? All that being said, I really do love Amelia and Link together as a couple and so I hope that they can find their way back to each other next season. You don't have to get married or have more kids to be happy. They can be happy just as they are, so I hope that they find a way to communicate better and work things out because I love them as a couple and Amelia deserves her happy ending. She's worked so hard for that.

Speaking of proposals, Link’s not the only one who pops the question this episode. After reconciling with Teddy and supporting her when she contracts COVID, is asymptomatic, and then recovers Owen is inspired to propose once again. Owen, Teddy, Leo, Allison, Amelia, Link, and Scout are gathered at Meredith’s house with Zola, Bailey, and Ellis for Christmas Day when it starts to snow in the backyard. It’s revealed that Owen set up a snow machine as a Christmas present for Teddy. He then gets down on one knee and proposes in front of everyone. Link is displeased and Teddy accepts.

I love the shade that Meredith threw at Owen in that scene. “Including your ex-wife,” she says because Meredith is a good sister and she is Team Cristina and Team Amelia always. She tolerates Owen and his nonsense because he keeps marrying her sisters and having kids with them, but she’s got no problem calling him out on his BS. Good for Amelia being so happy for Owen and Teddy. She’s a better woman than I am. I would not be happy for Owen and I definitely wouldn’t be clapping and cheering. Something I noticed throughout the episode is that Link seemed to take Amelia’s joy at the happiness of others getting engaged and getting married as a sign that she wanted that too while outright ignoring the look on Amelia’s face, her words, and the tone of her voice when the topic of marriage and having more kids actually came up.

I think Link saw what he wanted to see in this episode because he became so enamored with the idea of being married to Amelia and having more kids with her that he couldn’t see the forest for the trees. Jo even points out to him. Anyone paying attention could see that Amelia does not want to get married or have more kids, but Link was so caught up in the joy of it all that he failed to see what was right in front of him. As for Owen and Teddy engaged, I’ve never been a Teddy and Owen shipped, but if this means that the drama, fighting, and nonsense is over then I'm happy for them.

I hope they make it work this time because both Teddy and Owen have hurt so many people in the course of their ongoing drama over the seasons. They've hurt Beth, Cristina, Amelia, and Tom just to name a few and so many people got caught in the crossfire. I mean how many times did Meredith tell everyone involved that what they were doing was a bad idea? I hope they make it work because if not Owen and Teddy will have spent a good chunk of the series hurting themselves and everyone around them for no reason.

This is a personal opinion, but I think proposals at big family events and holidays are super tacky! If you propose on a holiday you’re upstaging the kids and/or the host of the event, like Owen did at Christmas, and if you propose at a family event you’re upstaging the happy couple and/or hosts, like Link did at Maggie and Winston’s wedding, and you’re making a day that’s supposed to be about something or someone else all about you and your partner. If it doesn’t work out you’ve just ruined that holiday for everyone, and everyone’s memories of that day are forever tarnished by your poor judgement.

I know some people love that kind of thing and kudos to you, but I find it extremely tacky. If someone did that at my event or wedding, I’d kick them the hell out and probably never speak to them or invite them to anything again because upstaging a bunch of excited kids, the happy couple, or the hosts of the event is extremely selfish and self-centered in my opinion. Especially if you don’t know what the answer will be. While Owen upstaging a bunch of kids at a family event at someone else’s house felt very in character to me because he’s always pulling stuff like that Link’s proposal and his proposal attempt felt very out of character to me.  

One big critique I had of this episode and the previous one is that both Link and Winston acted very out of character to me. Up until this point they've come across as loving and supportive partners who know exactly what they are getting into. In the last two episodes of the Winston got upset about something totally reasonable and refused to listen to Maggie and then was forced to conceded when his grandmother put her foot down. None of which would have been necessary if he had just listened to Maggie and really thought about what she was saying.

Likewise, in the last two episodes Link goes from being completely understanding of what Amelia is saying about marriage and someone who talks things through to becoming convinced that Amelia wants to marry him and that she’ll say yes if he does a big grand gesture surprise proposal during a major family event. He tells Amelia he wants more kids and then gets up to make popcorn before Amelia can say anything and then becomes convinced that she wants more children too even though he never outright asks her and it’s obvious she’s opposed to the idea because she looks absolutely panicked every time the topic comes up.

On a more positive note, I really loved Jo’s storyline in this episode. While I'm not a fan of Jo's OBGYN storyline I loved her storyline with Luna and I am so glad that she decided to fight for her and was able to adopt her. She deserves to be happy after all she's been through and her adopting Luna felt like her journey came full circle in a lot of ways. I loved the Tom cameo! I am a Tom fan and I love that he'll continue to be a part of the show as a shareholder going forward. I also really loved the Jackson cameo. I thought Jo buying Jackson's penthouse suite apartment from him was perfect. It tied up a loose end and it enabled Jo to adopt Luna and finally have a nice place of her own. I hope we see more cameos like this throughout next season.

As this season comes to a close, I have to say I really loved Meredith's time on the beach, and I loved seeing Richard step into a new role at the hospital and really shine. As for what I’d like to see next season, I really want Meredith and Hayes to start dating and become a couple and for their kids to meet and for them to become a happy blended family. I want Meredith and Irene to meet and bond as originally planned. I want Amelia and Link to figure their stuff out so they can be happy. I hope we get to know Winston more as a character and that they bring in someone new to head up Plastics that Jo can date. I think seeing her dating as a new single mom could be really interesting. I want Dr. Mason Post the hot vaccine doc to come back and I'd love to see him and Levi end up together. I'd also like to see Bailey and Richard get some juicy storylines.

Until next time!