#there's an adventurer's spirit inside me and ive been moving around as a way to nurture it...

[valeriianz]

🧃and 🍄 for the truth or dare ask game! xo @hardly-an-escape

🧃 ⇢ share some personal lore you never posted about before

hmm! i dont think i've shared how often i bounce around. im in the US and have lived and/or worked in 7 states, and my address changes every year. there is no real reason for this except i just get antsy/bored and if im not moving to a new city i'll just hop from one apartment to the next.

i inherited it from my parents constantly separating and getting back together as a kid, i think. i went to 13 different grade schools (that was fucking hell. you can imagine the bullying i endured, though constantly being the new kid was only one out of many reasons my classmates targeted me lollll).

🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

... idk if i have a one favorite lmao im very predictable with what i enjoy the most. but ahhh in human AUs i love it when Dream is portrayed to be this super confident, snarky guy who knows he's sexy and uses it to his advantage haha. almost like Desire... but not malicious. just a guy who can Get It.

writers truth and dare asks

[jostepherjoestar]

An Educational Favour: IV

NOTsfw // FEM! reader & pronouns

warnings/notes: 18+ content, minors dni, it’s Formaggio x reader and Risotto close by, interc0urse, v0yeurism?, taking it slooooow, butt stuff (penetration), discussion of prepping too!, the tension between ris and you is just.. wow

part 1- 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7

PART IV: 🧀Formaggio🧀

You slumped down on the beanbag that huffed under your movements, a few kernels that filled the bag twirling as the air pushed them out. Just like the seating you let out a long sigh, pulling the thick sweater sleeves over your hands and sitting on them in annoyance, trying to stop yourself from nervously chewing on your nails. Nothing felt right today, the way the sun barely broke through the clouds causing a dreary mood to settle on home-base, every glance in the mirror making you tug at your appearance, straightening your posture in attempt to look even slightly appealing to your own critical mind. Choosing the bulky sweater and your soft pyjama pants to grace the figure you so condemned today. Not all days are meant to be great but it was a disappointing start since later on you’d made plans to go on another titillating adventure, this time with the easygoing man named Formaggio. You weren’t dreading it but after you spilt your coffee all over the kitchen counter this morning and stubbed your toes on the heavy couch that rested a few meters away from you, glaring at it while sat in the one thing that couldn’t hurt you for now, you weren’t sure if today would even go right. 

The entire atmosphere seemed to move against you, like a migrating salmon moving upstream, waiting for a bear to come put you out of your misery. Speaking of bears… Risotto’s large figure waltzed into the room as you huffed out an amused chuckle as you imagined him sinking his claws into your scaly body and tearing at your flesh. Not quite the ravaging you’d asked him for. “Is everything alright there?” His familiar deep voice coaxing you out of the conflicting fantasy to meet his gaze. It seemed that today had also claimed your capo as their unfortunate victim. Thin black coloured metal frames resting on his shapely nose, the one that reminded you so much of Michelangelo’s David, carefully chiseled after much consideration. He reserved his glasses for off days, just like his relaxed outfit of pyjama pants and a black robe, the sparkling image of comfort. “Yeah yeah, I’m fine. Today just feels… off.” Resounding the last word in perfect unison before Risotto chuckled, the sound alone unearthing a pleasant feeling. “Let’s hope Formaggio is in good spirits.” He huffed while taking a seat on the creaky leather couch, groaning a bit as he stretched his arms over the backrest. 

“What was that about being in a good mood?” The smooth cadence ringing out into the quiet space of the living room. His words followed by a long stretched out yawn, feet dragging over the wooden floor as if lifting them were an arduous chore. It seemed the universe claimed yet another one into the lazy mood, like it forced all to remain seated or else you’d face its wrath of misfortune. Not that a peaceful day hadn’t been a welcome one, the strain of working jobs could lay heavily on the shoulders of La Squadra Esecuzioni. “Today’s a bit shit, huh?” Groans of approval coming from the two men lounging on the couch. “What are we gonna do about tonight? Cancel?” You spoke up, worried that it just wasn’t the right day and you’d have to reschedule which would mean a longer wait and some shuffling of the roster to make it work out. 

“Nah, too much of a bother. Besides, maybe it’ll work out just fine. No one’s home right now anyway.” It was true, it would be a bother and no one was home besides the three of you, all out on their respective assignments. You silently wished them all a more successful day considering the mood. You hummed in agreement as you got up to join them on the leather seats, trying to choose the perfect spot. But between Risotto’s large figure spread out so widely and Formaggio not really bothering to close his legs, there was no more room to speak of. “Hey! What about me?” You whined, tugging at the hem of your soft sweater, not up for a fight. “Got a special seat right here lady.” Formaggio’s smug grin darting between your figure and the space between his groin and the couch. You shot your capo a pleading look, begging him to step in like an annoyed child asking their mother to scold their older sibling. 

“Don’t look at me, we’re all adults here.” That little smirk starting to dent his cheek ever so slightly, letting you know there was no ally to be found in your dark eyed colleague. He looked so handsome and refined wearing those frames, different than his usual rugged state that was no less attractive. “As I said… there’s no one home but us.” The grey haired man smothering his words in a heavy helping of salaciousness as he eyed you up again. Sensing the shifting mood, letting a few familiar tingles loose inside of you as you fidgeted, unsure if you should take the bait. “I-I haven’t gotten ready yet, Formaggio. I look like a mess!” Today’s critical mind still gnawing at you, never one to easily back down. You’d been glad your previous partners had received the confident you that was her own proud cheerleader, but today she was on break, leaving you in front of a filled stadium with no remorse. “Pfft. A mess? Jesus, you couldn’t look bad if you tried. I’ll show you just how pretty you are, inside and out.” He gestured you over again, his expression a bit sterner to meet the seriousness of his words. It wasn’t just to make you feel better, he was being truthful. Risotto just admired from his comfortable crook, wishing to chime in on the complements but opting to just let Formaggio do the sweet talking. 

You finally take him up on the offer and slid in between his legs, letting his arms slip through your elbows to cradle you into his touch as he pressed his torso closer to your back. Hot breaths tickled your neck, a sensitive shudder moving through you, straight down into your panties. Grabbing onto his hand that locked you into him as he gently moved aside your hair to place wet kisses along your neck. Lazily sucking at your tender skin, making you let out a small moan when another shiver ran through you, earning a chuckle from him. “Are you always this sensitive? Then again, by the sounds I’ve heard coming from you, that might be true.” Feeling his surprisingly soft lips curl into a smile as he continued leaving marks. Remembering just how audible you’ve been with the rest, bringing a blush to your cheeks as your skin heated in reaction. You could feel Risotto’s laser-focus on you, admiring just how cutely you were reacting to the intimate pecks. 

As Formaggio made his way to your cheek, planting more wet sloppy kisses wherever he felt like, you felt his grip around you loosen and his hand snaking under your sweater to grope your chest. Toying with your nipple through the fabric of your thin bralette, his pulls and teases only making you more satisfied with the choice of undergarments. Your soft pants were cut off by his lips ghosting over yours, deep hums tickling you as he lingered over them, basking in the barely-there touch. His movements remained at such a leisurely pace, so intoxicating it subdued any feelings of impatience, his actions reflecting his personality; lax and engaging.

His plump lips like a warm hug as he met yours, hand still kneading your breast as a tentative squeeze made you moan into him. Moving in deeper, welcoming him into your awaiting mouth as his curious tongue set the pace to slow and steady. Wet sounds filled the air with the occasional muffled moan. “You’re absolutely beautiful, you know that? The way you so eagerly let go, so ready to get lost. You’ve driven us all quite wild, kitten.” Every word sticking to your flushed cheeks like glue as his sweet voice whispered, getting drunk off of his praise. 

“Could you take those off for me sweetheart?” You hummed in reply, he had already been toying at the edge of your soft pyjama bottoms, his head moving back into your neck where he stayed and placed more wet pecks, nibbling at your ear to egg you on. You made quick work of your bottoms, now bare, resting on the leather couch cushions warmed by your combined body heat. “Move up your legs a bit, I’ll treat you so good, darlin’.” You moved back further into him so you could bend your knees and rest your feet on his spread knees. You felt so exposed, cold air contrasting the warmth Formaggio was giving off behind you. Your breasts aching, wanting to feel his touch again as he slid out his hand from under your sweater, his other arm coming around to grasp you like your capo had done so sweetly last time as Ghiaccio pleased you.

Carefully, as if handling a precious work of art, the man let thick fingers slide over your folds, already glistening in your wetness from his sultry work in your neck. His delicateness making your breath hitch and your feet desperately trying to cling onto his knees. “So sensitive, so sweet. You want me to touch you more?” He singsonged so closely into the shell of your ear. He could coax anything out of you if he kept up his alluring pace. As you nodded with a needy moan he slid between them, working a finger aggravatingly slow over your clit. As more mewls escaped while you clung to his thighs, digging into them whenever he rubbed just right, he kept his lazy sucking going, sure he’s left a mark on your neck by now. “Do you want Risotto to touch himself too, just as slowly as us?” He grinned, having heard from Illuso just how much you like that. “Y-yes please.” You stuttered, words having a hard time leaving your lips as he kept up his leisurely movements. 

The creaks of the leather let you know Risotto was doing just as asked, your eyes were too busy being pressed shut from Formaggio’s expert circles to check. “We’re gonna take our time today, kitten.” A cheeky nibble at your earlobe as he spoke so tenderly. The memory of the strange energy that made you question today’s success already a forgotten one, what your were up to now was a lot more worthy to stick around your consciousness. 

Squelching sounds from how incredibly wet the slow pace made you harmonised so well with the barely audible sound of Risotto’s heavier breathing as he calmly stroked himself. The pace urging both of you to remain patient as heat started to build up steadily. Like water slowly rising, a steady flow being let in to painstakingly reach its limit. Formaggio occasionally dipped into your warm hole, slowly collecting your essence and spreading it over your folds. He worked you all over, giving your entire pussy the attention it deserved. As your breathing got heavier with the rising heat of your orgasm, walls clenching around nothingness, his pace didn’t falter, continuing his skilful rubs over your overly sensitive bud. “Do you want to come?” He purred into your neck, breaths so hot and heavy it made you want to combust. “P-please!” You begged so sweetly, he was already planning on letting you come but that whine sent a jolt straight to his hardening cock, twitching as it rubbed against your behind. “Do you want Risotto to come too?” His mischievous question paired with a quick dip between your aching walls. “Not y-yet.” It was an honest reply, you knew Formaggio wasn’t leaving you after rubbing you so nicely. Your capo will have to stretch his patience even thinner and slow his movements even more. The dark eyed man groaning as he heard your reply, but not of annoyance or denying him his pleasure for a little while more. The way you made him obey orders, even as softly as you gave them, made him only want to please you more. This whole endeavour of observing and letting his teammates have a say in his actions greatly aroused him, but most of all it was the slow build up to the end; having you all to himself. 

Formaggio chuckled into your crook, letting you get your wish as he worked you through the rising gratification. The limit had been reached as you breathed out deeply with a loud continuous moan as it overflowed slowly, the peak only dragged out as the grey haired man kept his steady movements going to let you ride it out. Squirming through the ripples, pinching your knees together as you clamped your nails into his thighs to ground yourself from the full body sensation. The pool had stilled, panting as you slowly regained your senses, the feeling of your own wetness dripping onto the couch causing a small smile to appear onto your satisfied face. “You don’t know how long I’ve waited to make you come. All those times I heard you, I only wished it was me that was making you feel so good.” A sloppy, wet suck onto your neck that had been lapped so delicately throughout. “Thank you Formaggio.” You sighed, the thought of him stroking himself while the others fucked you such a titillating visual it made your walls clench again. “Oh don’t thank me now, sweetheart. We’re not done yet. I’m gonna go grab something, could you lay down for me?” His voice leading you down as he gently placed your feet back onto the floor.

As he slid out from behind you and left the room, still riding on the high of the thorough orgasm you silently met your capo’s gaze. Stroking his large member ever so slightly, grasping the base firmly while his thumb caressed his sensitive underside. His frames had crept down his nose, his eyes so focused on yours, tethered onto you as you moved closer. The tension so palpable it made your hand tremble as you pushed the bridge of the frames back up his stunning nose. Slowly retracting, clinging onto every bit of self control not to kiss the beautiful specimen in front of you. You hesitated for a second, letting yourself linger in his space before deciding it would be best to move down like Formaggio had asked. It took just as much strength from your capo to restrain his desire, holding back from taking you into his arms. Instead he kept up his increasingly slow strokes, letting his pleasure build.

Formaggio returned, glad to see you’ve positioned yourself like he had asked, head resting near Risotto’s figure while your legs spread out. “I assume you’ve prepped just like I asked, kitten?” The man moved back onto the couch, placing himself between your legs, holding a bottle of clear lube he’d brought with. His gaze so lovingly taking in the blush on your cheeks as you nodded. God you were such a treat, waiting to get ravaged. Somehow, even after literally just making you come, you were a bit embarrassed to admit you prepped yourself to let him play with your ass. “Good girl.” He praised while moving his hands over your legs carefully. “Let’s play first, get you used to it huh?” Moving his bottoms down to meet yours on the floor, his hardened cock just as casual as its owner. Uncut and packing girth as it bobbed while he moved, a small gathering of pre-come beading at the head of his adequate length. 

“We’re going to keep going slow, ok? Don’t get too worked up when my dick’s in your pretty mouth.” That warm chuckle making your muscles relax as he moved over you, his member looming over your face as his warm breaths tickled your inner thighs, opening them further. Remembering his words you nipped at his cock, soft lips pecking the tip as your deft finger moved downward to reveal his head. Languid licks like honey dripping on a cold day; slow and at its own volition. His groan of satisfaction so buttery and smooth into your plush skin. Formaggio’s hands massaged your thighs and hips, kneading them in an attempt to relax every muscle before starting his exploit of your tight hole. 

There’s a first time for everything, the very reason you had embarked on this exploit. As exciting as the last few times were, nervousness remained at the though of letting Formaggio play with a different hole. He’d asked beforehand if you were comfortable with it, his charms doing the talking, relaxing you and assuring it was alright if you weren’t. But that eager curiosity’s hold on you was ever so strong, bravery pushing you further to accept. The preparations he asked of you were simple: clean thoroughly and try out a finger or two when you’re playing with yourself. And to your surprise it was nowhere as bad as you expected, making you all the more excited to let more experienced hands work away at you. 

While it was a struggle to contain your excitement, the relaxed and sloth like aura Formaggio emitted helped you remain calm. Slow, twisting movements over his girth, having received a dollop of the cool gel on your fingers, lewd squelching sounds erupting every time you moved up and down his shaft. You’d suckle on his tip, tongue moving and flicking at the dripping slit, making sure to take all the time in the world while he began rubbing over your hole. The previously chilly lubed fingers heating up considerably, the way you were burning up from the sensation spreading through you. The slick tip of his thick finger gently pressing in while he groaned, mumbling how tight you were under his breath. As he moved his finger deeper it made you stop rubbing him for a second, regaining your breath, trying to relax your muscles so you’d enjoy the sensation. 

“That’s it sweetheart. You’re doing good. We’re gonna keep going before I stuff you with my dick.” Your moan vibrating through his hard cock when he pulled out. Only to return with another finger, adding even more of the slick lube. As he moved in you felt your walls contract in pleasure, your core aching for stimulation as Formaggio started pumping in and out to work you open. Moaning louder and louder, the pleasure so different than anything else you’ve experienced. Saliva dripped out of the corner of your mouth, salivating while you took his heavy sack in your mouth to play with them. The way he let out a hiss while you felt them twitch let you know just how much he liked it. 

You were getting so worked up by his actions, patience growing ever thinner as you wished for him to fill you up. “Formaggio I need you. Please fuck me.” A whiny beg, so needy. It only made him chuckle, your eagerness so endearing. His teammates weren’t wrong when they said you were such a good girl. “Can’t deny you, now can I?” He grinned while moving over you, placing himself between your legs, admiring the way your pussy was still dripping and awaiting any new form of stimulation. It almost made him feel bad that he would be working your tight little asshole instead. Almost. 

His shaft was still thoroughly wet from the way you slobbered all over him, mixed with the generous dollop of lube he’d provided you with. His spongy tip prodding at the tight muscle, shushing you and kneading your hips to let you relax. As he slowly entered, letting you engulf his tip he waited, hissing and groaning at the feeling of your walls constricting him. “Fuck, you are so damn tight!” Letting himself gently work further into you, the feeling of his thick cock so delicious inside you while you whined. He finally let his hand that guided his thickness inside of you go, letting his hips set a gradual pace. Those skilful fingers now moving back to rub soft circles on your aching clit, the return so welcome as you moaned loudly at the simultaneous stimulation. Back arching off the couch as you felt your pleasure earn footing again, building slowly just like before. “Risotto… Speed up.”

Your command a welcome one to your throbbing capo, his length now a dark red from the prolonged stimulation, questioning if there was any blood left in his body that hadn’t rushed to his cock. As if a conductor urging their orchestra, harmonising moans and groans filled the room, your capo finally letting himself get comfortable with being a little more noisy. Formaggio felt his own pace falter, speeding up to chase his release as his circles on your clit grew faster and tighter. Moving in tandem with his thrusts inside your strained hole, he felt you clench, milking him, bringing him just at his limit before he pulled out. He continued at a fervent pace over your bud, his other hand stroking his shaft as thick ropes of pearly cum landed on your stomach after he moved up your sweater. His buttery voice so beautifully hoarse now when his breath hitches during his orgasm. Just as he did, your own followed, the familiar waves of pleasure careening through you, pressing your eyes shut, letting yourself get back down from the peak. 

Not even needing a command, Risotto came too. A groan so sweet and deep, his body tensing up and twitching at his long awaited peak. Thick strokes of cum landed in your hair, the man behind you not expecting the orgasm to hit so hard. “Shit!” It only made you giggle at the feeling, knowing you’d end up in the shower anyway. You set yourself back straight on the cushions, blush still covering your cheeks and chest, the sweater getting too hot and constricting. Taking it off along with your bralette, sighing at the satisfaction of the newfound experience. “Was that any good?” Formaggio huffed as he tiredly slid down next to you, a gentle hand squeezing your thigh. “More than good Maggi. You’re really good with your hands.” Chuckling at the way his ministrations made bliss flood all over your body. “Why don’t you tidy up here. I’ll get her cleaned up.” Risotto’s voice surprised you, when he remained so still in his corner, breaths so soft you barely heard them; it was like he’d merged with the couch itself. “Yea sure, whatever you say.” Formaggio looked about ready to pass out, eyes drooping as he slid deeper into the couch, all tuckered out from his work. 

It felt nice to have Risotto be so adamant on taking care of you afterwards. A ritual he didn’t want to let another indulge in. Even last time, after the cuddle session that followed Ghiaccio’s meeting, he insisted on helping you get cleaned. Not that his face would let it show, but he felt dejected when you replied you’d take a shower yourself, any more stimulation to your skin setting it aflame after the rough get-together. 

Just like before he ran a bath for you, letting the soft bubbles grow bigger. He looked so adorable now, those glasses really suited him, offering a softer balance to his features. “You look very cute in those Risotto, you should wear them more often.” You chuckled while staring up at him from the warm tub. He had stayed and rested on the side, having taken off his robe so he could dabble his arm in the water. He looked a little too deep in thought, staring at the ripples his movements created through the foam. “Do you want to get in?” Your cute smile and that bright twinkle in your eyes so alluring, like a siren in his very own residence. He had been thinking about it, wanting to hug you close while you gently got each other all washed up. “No, it’s ok. Later. Take your time.” His deep sigh making you question if that’s what he actually wanted. You willed yourself not to get too caught up, not to assume what he’d been thinking. 

For now you’d just try and relax, soaking up the heat from the relaxing bath and checking off another wish. Your memory book starting to get quite full of experience thanks to your teammates. The last three candidates left offering the final challenges. A devious grin at the thought of the final champions. 

[madisonrooney]

all the christmas disney stuff sounds really fun! glad you're getting to do that this year. oh, whoa, riding a camel sounds like a weird experience. it is a bumpy ride? haha 😋

a fake tree sounds nice! i've always thought decorating for the holidays was really fun. cookies are delicious. that sounds like a lot of fun. what kind of cookies do you like?

i enjoy looking at christmas lights too. even better if there are cookies to munch on and christmas music playing in the car haha

interesting. i don't really like any of those foods tbh, but i know i'm probably in the minority on that.

for the holidays i really like decorating. i do it for halloween and christmas. and i really like listening to holiday music, really helps get me into the spirit. also holiday movies are my jam haha

what are some disney movies that you expected to be really good but were disappointed in? what do you think the creators could have done to make them better?

its been a while since i rode a camel but i remember it feeling like riding a horse just taller lol. fun fact i also rode an elephant at the county fair when i was like 10.

we made the good ol pillsbury holiday cookies! left over from the last socal style sector party with @han-is-solo and @johnrutter. (we made halloween ones at our halloween party too lol). in general tho, i like lots of cookies. we actually got some to go from the restaurant we went to tonight, a couple different kinds of chocolate chip and a pumpkin cookie. the chocolate chip sadly wasnt that good even tho chocolate is usually my fav but the pumpkin was really good. might go down and have another bite after im done answering this lol.

the lights drive thru i did last year had a special radio station! i think you could order food too but since this was prior to vaccines rolling out we were too scared to even open our windows lol.

my best friend hates thanksgiving food so youre in good company lol.

i enjoy all that too! its been fun getting to decorate in my condo after living in a dorm for four years. i decorate it for halloween too, and it was fun to have decorations up for both of this years socal style sector premiere parties. speaking of holiday movies, we watched mickeys christmas carol, a charlie brown christmas, and part of frosty the snowman while we put up the tree today! do you have any fav holiday movies?

ooo thats a really good question cuz ive def gotten that feeling a number of times!

- the good dinosaur. thats my most definitive answer to this question. i was HYPE for that movie. a pixar movie with talking animals that had super cute designs (and would and DID make for great plush lol)! i went into 2015 thinking that would far surpass inside out as my preferred pixar release of the year, but it ended up being the other way around. i rewatched it earlier this year for the first time since i saw it in theaters and i was really able to solidify my opinions on it and i feel about the same about it as i did initially. in short, its just too slow. there are too many scenes with little to no dialogue and a good chunk of the movie is just two characters which i feel is inherently boring. i think there's a difference between movies that are unambitious and aren't trying to be some great feat so it's okay if they're not amazing and movies that are trying way too hard to be something amazing and fall short. for example, cars 2 (which i've already mentioned lol). people hate it but imo it was never TRYING to be as good as like...up or something. it was just trying to be fun and i think it succeeded. on the other hand, the good dinosaur advertised itself as pixar's next big epic adventure movie and ended up just being very boring.

on a more personal note, it was my first time seeing a movie at the el capitan in hollywood since moving to california which would then become a tradition that ive kept up to this day, so the expectations were very high. it almost made it an even WORSE experience being in a theater with such high energy bc people were laughing super hard at things that i just didn't find funny. i remember being stressed for the rest of that night bc id wasted so much hype on something that was ultimately disappointing.

as far as what i think they could've done better....this is gonna sound harsh but i think they should've scrapped it altogether lol. BUT i have a reason for that. this movie went through production hell with director and cast changes and major changes to the characters. rather than salvage it and force it to be released, i think they should've just realized it wasn't working and stop trying to fix something that just isn't gonna work no matter what. if not that, id say add more characters to arlo and spot's journey and add more dialogue. (keep spot mute tho, i did like that aspect of it).

- moana. i do like this movie, dont get me wrong, but i feel like it plays into way too many predictable and overused tropes. particularly maui giving up on moana almost immediately after he finally took a liking to her, and then deciding to come back after for no apparent reason. i remember the scene where he leaves after moana breaks his hook literally making my blood boil in the theater bc i hate that trope so much. to make it better, i feel like their relationship needed a little more development, more evidence of why they're starting to like each other, a longer buildup to maui leaving her, and a longer buildup to maui coming back.

- christopher robin. another one i like but not as much as id hoped. at first, this seemed like the live action remake that was finally gonna do it right imo. id actually always kinda wanted a movie about a grown up christopher robin. but i feel like it leaned too hard into being cheesy, hokey, and predictable. but there were some dark scenes too. i feel like it just needed a little more balance in tone. i also have mixed feelings about the fact that the toys are actually alive in this universe. i feel like maybe only christopher robin and his daughter should be able to see them as alive bc of their childlike sense of wonder, yknow?

- luca. again liked but not as much as id hoped. i thought this had the potential to be a new hyperfixation tbh. i loved the character design the world and the premise. but i feel like the conflict was kind of weird. the scene where alberto tries to scare giulia as a sea monster didnt make a lot of sense to me. i didnt really get either luca or albertos motives, but especially albertos. its not super fresh in my mind tho tbh so id need to watch it again to say for sure what bugged me about it. i also don't totally get how luca and alberto were SO close even tho they hadn't even known each other that long. and like alberto said luca got him off the island but like they both chose to go to portorosso??? also right from the beginning it was painfully obvious to me that alberto's father abandoned him yet they tried to make it some big reveal. i felt like there were some plotholes too, like why does alberto spend most of his time above the surface even before meeting luca? why did he and his dad LIVE above the surface? i cant quite say how id make it better. i do feel like their friendship should involve a conflict followed by resolution but i feel like it needed one that was more fleshed out.

- encanto. again, like but have some issues with. i REALLY tried to just let myself enjoy this one bc im sick of picking apart every one of the last number of disney and pixar releases but i kinda couldnt help myself. kinda like luca and moana, i also found this one pretty predictable. i felt like the dos oruguitas scene didnt tell us anything we didnt already know. i felt like surface pressure and what else can i do kinda told the same message. bruno's story was also a bit confusing to me, i didn't totally get how him leaving was to protect mirabel and like he doesnt CHOOSE what hes gonna see, why does he get blamed for that but like idk pepa doesnt get blamed for bad weather? the concept of the "gift" was also a little confusing to me, like the literal original purpose of it was to protect the family so how did it take so long for abuela to understand that the wellbeing of the family is whats most important. this is another one where idrk how id fix it, there are a lot of aspects of it i just find confusing.

actually ignore everything i just said im mainly disappointed with the lack of capybara content @deweyduck am i right

- frozen 2. i didn't have THAT high of expectations for this one, i was already sick of frozen around when it came out, but i really did try to dip back into the hype phase i was in for the first frozen. alas, it wasn't worth it. this is another one i just find confusing. it's weird to me that elsa is the fifth spirit since she's human and the other spirits are animals or creatures (or....air). she also makes ice so isnt that the same as water?? also idk why but it took me like 3 times of watching it to fully understand where she got her powers from lmao. i also feel like they fucked up kristoff's character. he didnt even KNOW anna before frozen 1 and now he acts like he has no life without her. and their whole conflict is caused by a MISUNDERSTANDING. like anna literally left cuz she had to it had nothing to do with kristoff. also i hate how batshit crazy the internet went over him saying "i'm here, what do you need?" like yes a guy should be there for his girl but they also make it sound like he shouldn't ask for a single thing for himself which doesn't sound healthy (but im aro so what do i know). then you have olaf who all of a sudden has a concept of aging which is given no explanation. and don't even get me started on how messed up it was that they thought it was ok to just make their white characters poc and make iduna native even tho her skin is clearly darker when shes a child than when shes an adult. and the internet never talked about that. hm. gonna be honest and say this is another one i wish just didnt happen lmao. i get that the franchise is so popular and a sequel is something a lot of people wanted, but i dont think its fair to break a disney rule (of having no WDAS canon sequels post rescuers down under, or winnie the pooh if were counting that) JUST bc of the hype. sure they evened out a tiny bit with also doing ralph breaks the internet but i have a load of problems with that movie too so was it really worth it fhdjgkhfdjk.

ok WOW sorry for writing a novel lmao but what about you??

[introvertguide]

Star Wars (1977); AFI #13

In honor of May 4th and the original movie that started it all, the group reviewed Star Wars (1977). Nominated for 10 Academy Awards and winning 6 with one extra special achievement award for Sound, this is perhaps the most highly decorated science fiction movie of all time. The special effects and the music were especially moving making the Star Wars experience something amazing to behold. I was lucky enough to see one of the re-releases in the theatre back in the mid 80s. In fact, I might well have seen the film 100 times over my life. The music might be the most well known soundtrack globally. With inflation, this is the 4th highest grossing film of all time. It is truly a fantastic work and I would like to now spoil it for anyone who hasn't seen it. Let me start with the usual:

SPOILER WARNING!!! I DON'T THINK THERE ARE MANY WHO HAVE NOT SEEN THE FILM, BUT FOR THOSE FEW THAT DON'T KNOW, I AM GOING TO RUIN THE PLOT!!! STOP NOW AND GO WATCH IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY!!!

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Amid a galactic civil war, Rebel Alliance spies have stolen plans to the Galactic Empire's Death Star, a massive space station capable of destroying an entire planet. Imperial Senator Princess Leia of Alderaan (Carrie Fisher), secretly one of the Rebellion's leaders, has obtained its schematics (this entire effort was originally a throwaway concept but was completely fleshed out in Rogue One almost 40 years later) , but her starship is intercepted by an Imperial Star Destroyer under the command of the ruthless Darth Vader (acted by David Prowse and voiced by James Earl Jones). The movie is just starting and the odds against the rebels are shown by the scale of the two ships. Before she is captured, Leia hides the plans in the memory of an astromech droid called R2-D2 (Kenny Baker), who flees in an escape pod to the desert planet Tatooine accompanied by protocol droid C-3PO (Anthony Daniels).

The droids are captured by Jawa traders (little shiny eyed beings who are now meme legends), who sell them to moisture farmers Owen and Beru Lars and their nephew Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill). While Luke is cleaning R2-D2, part of a holographic recording of Leia starts playing a message for Obi-Wan Kenobi where she requests his help ("Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope!"). Later, after Luke finds R2-D2 missing, he is attacked by scavenging Sand People while searching for him, but is rescued by elderly hermit "Old Ben" Kenobi (Sir Alec Guinness), an acquaintance of Luke's, who reveals that "Obi-Wan" is his true name. Obi-Wan tells Luke of his days as one of the Jedi Knights, the former peacekeepers of the Galactic Republic who drew mystical abilities from a metaphysical energy field known as "the Force", but were ultimately hunted to near-extinction by the Empire. Luke learns that his father fought alongside Obi-Wan as a Jedi Knight during the Clone Wars (another throwaway concept that was eventually fleshed out) until Vader, Obi-Wan's former pupil, turned to the dark side of the Force and murdered him. Obi-Wan presents Luke with his father's old lightsaber, the signature weapon of Jedi Knights. The connection between Darth Vader and Luke's father is explored in depth during the next eight films.

R2-D2 plays Leia's full message, in which she begs Obi-Wan to take the Death Star plans to her home planet of Alderaan and give them to her father, a fellow veteran, for analysis. Although Luke initially declines Obi-Wan's offer to accompany him to Alderaan and learn the ways of the Force, he is left with no choice after discovering that Imperial stormtroopers have killed his aunt and uncle and destroyed their farm in their search for the droids (cue the Academy and Grammy Award winning theme music composed by John Williams). Traveling to a cantina in Mos Eisley to search for transport, Luke and Obi-Wan hire Han Solo (Harrison Ford), a smuggler with a price on his head due to his debt to local mobster Jabba the Hutt. Pursued by stormtroopers, Obi-Wan, Luke, R2-D2 and C-3PO flee Tatooine with Han and his Wookiee co-pilot Chewbacca (Peter Mayhew) on their ship the Millennium Falcon. As they reach the planet's orbit, two Star Destroyers try to intercept them, but Han is able to jump to hyperspace by reaching lightspeed.

Before the Falcon can reach Alderaan, Death Star commander Grand Moff Tarkin (Peter Cushing) interrogates Leia about the location of the Rebels's secret base, with the threat of destroying her home planet, and, when she answers that the base is on Dantooine, he orders Alderaan destroyed simply as a show of force. As the group arrives in the asteroid field that now stands in place of Alderaan, Han spots an Imperial TIE fighter and is taunted into chasing it and shooting it down, allowing the Falcon to be captured by the space station's tractor beam. Inside the Death Star, Obi-Wan attempts to disable the tractor beam, and Luke persuades Han and Chewbacca to help him rescue Leia after discovering that she is scheduled to be executed. After disabling the tractor beam, Obi-Wan sacrifices his life in an epic lightsaber duel with Vader, allowing the rest of the group to escape the Death Star with Leia. Using a tracking device, the Empire tracks the Falcon to the hidden Rebel base.

Leia's schematics reveal a hidden weakness in the Death Star's thermal exhaust port, which could allow the Rebels to trigger a chain reaction in its main reactor with a precise torpedo strike. While Han abandons the Rebels after collecting his reward for rescuing Leia, Luke joins their starfighter squadron in a desperate attack against the approaching Death Star. In the ensuing battle, the Rebels suffer heavy losses as Vader leads a squadron of TIE fighters against them, but Han unexpectedly returns to aid them in the Falcon, narrowly managing to save Luke before Vader can shoot him down. Guided by the disembodied voice of Obi-Wan's spirit, Luke turns off his targeting computer and uses the Force to aim his torpedoes into the exhaust port, destroying the Death Star moments before it fires on the Rebel base. In a triumphant ceremony at the base, Leia awards Luke and Han medals for their heroism.

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I want to explain the connection between this movie and the Joseph Campbell version of the hero's journey that so many people have pointed out. This journey starts out with a call to adventure that is refused and then forced (Luke is given an opportunity to leave, he declines, the death of his family pushes him forward, he leaves with his team). Campbell then predicts an initiation that involves meeting a woman and gaining weapons, a meeting with an incredible power, and an achievement of the hero's power (goes to star destroyer, meets Vader and loses Obi-Wan, gains power over force). The story ends with a refusal, a magic flight, a rescue from without, and a hero's return (Luke goes to attack the Death Star, Han refuses and then eventually saves him, and the day is saved so the heroes are rewarded). It is a story that is called the Monomyth and has been recognized in Greek myths that are thousands of years old. It is a good story that has been proven to work and it makes for one of the most enjoyable movies of all time.

There was some negative opinions of the film because it is such a simple old story that became extremely popular and film goers would no longer be interested in intelligent thinking movies. It is kind of the truth because blockbuster summer films are full of explosions. The highest grossing films since then have tended to be highly explosive action films. Films like Star Wars, Jaws, and Indiana Jones are a lot of fun, but they are not super deep. They are easy to understand at surface level, but they can also be interpreted to mean much more significant things. The choice of the viewer about whether the story has deep inner meaning or is just the Odyssey in space is personal and likely colors opinions about how good it is. Some people think it is stupid fun while others have actually formed religions around the idea of the force.

One thing is for certain, the formula worked amazingly well for a large group of people and this made movie producers want to copy it. This is what is generally called a watershed moment because the look of movies changed significantly. There were so many more space operas and they all had that worn post-apocalyptic look to them. Star Wars and Mad Max combined to give a different look of what futuristic was. There was advanced tech in some cases, but there was a scorched Earth that had run out of resources and people suffered. Think about how many movies and television shows there are that have come out since the 80s and combine industrial tech for space and distressed almost Western appearances for the planets. The movie changed the way many people see the future.

One thing that is inarguably great was the score. I am not going to try and describe it with words, I am just going to put links to the different themes here so you can hear for yourself:

Star Wars Main Theme (Full) - YouTube

Star Wars- The Imperial March (Darth Vader's Theme) - YouTube

Princess Leia's Theme - YouTube

Star Wars Episode IV A New Hope (1977) Soundtrack 11 Cantina Band - YouTube

This is somewhat strange for the AFI so I went back and checked, but I believe that this is the only film with a ranked villain (Darth Vader), hero (Han Solo), and theme song (Main Theme). Even if it is somewhat simplistic from some perspectives, the story and the songs and the sounds and the characters speak to those who watch it. Seeing the movie is an incredible experience and I envy those who get to see it for the first time.

I am a big fan of the original Star Wars trilogy and I could completely nerd out going over all of the little things throughout the movie, but this is not a deep dive but instead an overall review. So does it belong on the AFI top 100? Maybe more than any other movie. It is an epic tale that changed the way movies were made across multiple genres. We could probably look at all science fiction films and put them as before or after this one. It is an important piece of American film and (no matter what anyone thinks of the other Star Wars films or George Lucas) it is a masterpiece. Would I recommend it? I cannot say yes enough. It is part of my culture as a California movie nerd and understanding this film is understanding some of the basic knowledge I grew up with. All sticks are swung around like light sabers. If I say "Princess Leia hair," everyone around here knows exactly what I mean. If something is impossible but still needs to be done, we tell people to use the force. I have lived in the Bay Area for 20 years and I can still reference a location by how close it is to Skywalker Ranch were George Lucas worked on movies. Please check out this film and you will know why I am such a fan of movies.

[shhh-no-ones-home]

skeleton key slash x reader

+++++++++ i wanted something cute and fluffy but ive been in a mood lately so here ya go lol, its kinda cute and fluffy but starts a little disconnected and stand-offish

i edited this but if i missed anything sorry lol

Song: ill always be around by waterparks

tag list: @cynic-spirit @satans-arse @slashscowboyboots @smokeandmirrorz +++++++++

i sat against the wall of the dressing room and swirled the unopened bottle of beer against the tile floor in front of me. it made a mesmerizing sound as the glass scraped against the linoleum. it was the only thing really keeping my attention. it had been a rough couple of days and i wanted nothing more than to feel normal again.

i watched slash slide down the wall out of my peripherals, hearing him sigh as he hit the floor with his full weight. we sat in silence until i broke my trance, opening the bottle finally, i just stared down into it. slash cleared his throat but i didnt look at him.

"You okay?"

He asked, nudging my arm with his elbow. I took a quick swig of my beer, making a sour face at the taste.

"As okay as I usually am."

I sighed out.

"So not very?"

He asked, sending me a look. I looked over at him and shrugged.

"I'm sure things could be better but I'm living life one day at a time."

He shook his head.

"That's no way to live."

i sighed again, taking another drink.

"is it ever?"

he hummed.

"well no, but whats been up lately? you haven't really seemed like yourself."

i took another swig.

"havent i?"

i asked, raising a brow quickly. he frowned at me.

"none of us think so. the rest of the guys have noticed it too. you arent the same as you were a week ago."

i sighed, dropping my head back into the wall and looking to the ceiling.

"im lost."

he looked a little confused.

"youre lost?"

i looked over at him, watching his hair as it fell into his face.

"i dont know, my mood just tanked all of a sudden. i have no drive, i dont want to do anything. the only reason im here is because i have to be."

he tried to examine my face but i was on the whole expressionless.

"you couldve stayed on the bus, not that it wouldve helped, but you couldve."

i let out a short laugh, bringing the beer bottle to my lips.

"i thought getting out wouldve made an impact, ya know, keep myself busy to forget about it."

He nodded.

"it didnt."

I said and he sighed out, pinching the bridge of his nose. i looked back ahead of me, staring at the wall. we sat in silence for a bit until he shot up, drawing my attention and looking at him like he was crazy. he offered his hand to me.

"come on."

he said, more chipper now. i raised a brow.

"what?"

he shook his hand, wanting me to take it.

"come on, get up. we're going on an adventure."

i drew my brows before reluctantly taking his hand, setting my beer on the ground where i was just sat.

"where are we going?"

i asked as he pulled me out of the room and into the hall.

"It a surprise, but you have to come along to find out, thats why its an adventure."

i followed closely behind him, still unsure about the situation he was dragging me into. he walked comfortably down the hallway, looking from room to room as we went. i just watched him, trying to figure out what he was really after as we moved further into the venue. he nodded to the venue workers as we passed them, his grip on my hand getting tighter, making it known to them that we were attached. he relented as he ducked under pipelines and around mic stands. suddenly i was forced into someone.

"hey! watch where youre going!"

i heard as i looked up with wide eyes. in front of me was a large bald man with a stern gaze and i suddenly realized i was no longer tethered to slash. i looked to my suddenly empty hand in panic before looking back up the man.

"whats your deal?"

he asked, harshly. i looked around but the curly mess of hair was nowhere to be found. i breathed deeply.

"do you speak or are you just here to get in the way?"

the man said a bit louder. i jumped.

"no, i, i, uh-"

i stuttered out. he looked like he was waiting for an answer.

"you just gonna stand there looking stupid with your hand in the air or are you gonna move out of my way?"

he grunted out. then my hand got snatched away from me and i looked to slash with relief.

"sorry dude, i guess i lost my girl."

he apologized, pulling me to him. the man watched us as slash led us away from the man.

"keep her on a leash or something! i dont have time for road blocks!"

he called after us. slash waved his hand in the air.

"will do man."

he said before looking at me like 'yeah right' and making me giggle. slash looked around before ducking into an empty room.

"dude i thought id lost you there for a second. i saw one of the crew and went to squeeze your hand and i realized youre hand wasnt in mine anymore."

he let out a nervous laugh.

"it looks like i found you just in time though cause that dude looked like he meant business."

i nodded in agreement.

"yeah that was kinda scary."

we both laughed a little at the situation.

"but i found this place."

he said excitedly. i looked around, it was dimly lit but the furniture looked much better than the dressing rooms we were in. part of me wondered if it had been an office at one point but was now a storage room. i looked up as the light flickered overhead.

"spooky."

i said happily, raising my brows at him.

"well, im glad you like it cause i set this up for us."

i drew my brows as he took my hand again and led me around the bulky couch in the middle of the room. my mouth dropped at the layout of food, wine, and candles on the floor; all of it arranged on top of a black blanket.

"where did you get all of this?"

i asked, a bit shell-shocked. he half smiled at me, rubbing his arm.

"Well, i noticed youve been down for a bit and wanted to do something nice. i also figured we had a decent amount of time before the show starts so i went out and got this stuff earlier with a little help from duff and he helped me set it up. all i had left to get was you."

i could feel tears stinging my eyes. no one had really ever done anything this nice for me before and it made my heart ping. He really new what to do to make me feel better, he always did. i sent him a smile before pulling him in for a hug. he held me tightly to him, burying his face into my neck.

"thank you, slash, it means a lot."

i whispered against him. he pulled away and helped me sit.

"i wasnt sure exactly what you would like but we asked the lady at the shop down the street what she would want and thats just kinda what we got."

he said bashfully. i leaned over and kissed his cheek quickly.

"its great. really. it is."

i reassured as he started pouring two glasses of wine. he cleared his throat as he handed me one of the glasses.

"i, uh, also had a question for you while we're here."

he looked down at the blanket, and i almost thought i saw a small blush on his face but it was hard to tell in the low light.

"ask away."

i said raising  the glass to him in cheers and taking a sip. i watched as he swirled the liquid around in his own glass.

"well, i was wondering, if maybe youd want to go on a date with me. like officially."

i smiled widely at him.

"id love that."

he gladly returned the smile.

"great! i mean i know weve kind of gone on a date before but it wasnt legit, and yes i kind of blame axl for ruining that one-"

i laughed a little bit, shaking my head.

"lets call it a trial run."

i said, making him laugh too.

"well then i already feel more comfortable."

he clinked his glass against mine in cheers.

"same here."

i took a sip before setting the glass down and resituating to sit with my legs crossed under me.

"now, lets see what that lady made you buy."

i joked, prompting him to move the little basket he had acquired closer to me.

"dont blame me if its terrible."

he said through a laugh. i sent him a warm smile.

"thanks for this slash, you really know how to make a girl feel better."

he nodded.

"no, i know how to make you feel better, and i wouldnt have it any other way."

it was my turn to blush, feeling the heat rise to my cheeks at his words.

"im glad you have the thing that opens the door to my emotions or else this tour would be much harder."

i noted, taking a small box out of the basket and setting it next to me. he snorted.

"like a skeleton key to your happy place."

he said. i nodded.

"exactly!"

he laughed a little bit before taking another sip of his wine.

"you have no idea how happy that makes me."

he said, leaning back in his spot. i leaned over, close to him.

"the feeling is mutual."

i said lowly, watching his eyes flicker to my lips.

"can i kiss you?"

he whispered out, looking back to my eyes. i nodded. his hand found its way to my face, caressing my cheek gently. like a slow motion film, he moved forward, it felt like every anticipation building inside me before our lips finally met. it was soft and warm and he tasted like the wine. when he pulled away i felt like my home had been ripped from me and i missed it immediately.

"cant wait for that date."

he laughed out and i couldnt help the amused look on my face.

"likewise."

[cosmostellar]

I don't understand what could be wrong about frozen 2???

i feel like i could write an essay about it because its all ive been talking about for the last 2.5 hour and still i constantly think of new things but ill try to list the main ones for me

No one has a consistent/understandable character arc. Elsa is (I’m guessing?? these are legitimately my guesses because I don’t feel like the movie made anything clear enough to actually say it with certainty), but I’m guessing Elsa is supposed to be shown as wanting something more, seeking adventure, feeling like she’s wasting her life in the palace, hence “the siren voice”. But it never really feels like that because whenever Elsa is distracted or seems upset it’s not because of her own needs not being met in the palace or the role of queen being upsetting/overwhelming for her, or her being bored, or her just wanting to GET OUT AND DO SOMETHING. Her only motivation and the reason for distress initially is hearing the voice, she never seems to enjoy herself on the adventure in the forest. Why does she even want to stay in that forest in the end? Because she likes the people she’s never really talked to? Because she enjoys the magical adventure? There is no connection written between Elsa and the adventure, Elsa and the unknown, Elsa and the magic.

Anna is just a complete mess in this movie. I don’t know if her obsession and overprotective behavior towards Elsa are supposed to be seen as negative or do the writers just struggle with writing sibling relationships this much, but it’s the only thing she does that can be somewhat interpreted as something she needs to work on. And there is never any conclusion to that?? Elsa sends Anna away once, goes somewhere herself and ends up dying and having to be saved by Anna anyway, which in some way only confirms all of Anna’s fears, but they never have a conversation after that? And Anna’s ending (becoming a queen) is written hastily and comes out of nowhere, she is not previously set as someone who is better fit to be the queen of Arendelle than Elsa, or someone who wants it/needs it character-wise. I don’t know.

Kristoff’s presence in this movie was a joke and they didn’t even try and okay, I guess, but it was just. It was just sad how it looked like the writers cried for hours before they came up with a way they can squeeze him into the story.

The dialogue was SO BAD. It was either pure clear exposition given in the way that you could just SEE they are setting something up - Olaf talking about the water, Kristoff and Anna talking about the dam, Elsa and Anna being told the story of the enchanted forest. No one talked like real people, even in the emotional movies they were mostly exposition machines (Anna telling Elsa how Elsa is the gift from the spirits because of what their parents did. Also I still don’t know how she arrived at that conclusion). The script never took a break to just have them sit and talk, banter, joke with each other. It felt… like they barely knew each other? And it honestly looked like the writers kinda noticed it too because they really did their best to have Anna and Elsa EXPOSITION how they Know Stuff About Each Other (”oh you are wearing mom’s scarf, i know you must feel bad”). Don’t… don’t tell me that these people know each other?? Show me? The sisters interact on a daily basis for three years and still don’t have a single inside joke? Anna reacts to Kristoff’s rambling as if she knew him for three days? Also I THOUGHT that her reactions to what he was talking about during their journey after Elsa fell asleep was supposed to hint at some other thing she struggles in within herself (feeling like she’s not good enough at love or something, idk), but no, that was just. I don’t know what that was.

The big twist of the movie is that whites fucked over native people. Woohoo. Wasn’t at all obvious the moment the whites and the natives appeared on the screen together. Also Elsa’s mom looks like a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSON as a child just so that another plot twist could work.

And I don’t know why were those people even there?? No one connected to them in any way, it’s hard to assess what relationship these two groups had towards each other, how do they function, the sister and brother were so unnecessary it actually hurt to see them just pointlessly moving around on the screen.

Also the pace and the plot were atrocious, the lack of clear conflict made it impossible to really root for them because most of the time it was unclear what the characters were actually attempting to do and what was supposed to happen, and I’m the first one to advocate for lack of clear villains in the movies but boy. That movie could really use a villain because it was tiring to watch Anna and Elsa go around and discover random things that would once again change their goals and journeys in a quasi-unclear and uninteresting way.

[eijiroukiriot]

After Months of saying i would i’m finally posting about my Kiribaku playlist! I’ve linked it before but I’ve never really gone into what the songs mean to me and how I see them in relation to the boys, and I think the explanations puts things into perspective, so I typed it all out!

This is my main krbk playlist - I also have playlists for Bakugou and Kirishima separately - and this focuses mostly on happier songs (and a few that are so ingrained into how I see them that I had to put them in anyway). I also have an angst-themed krbk playlist and post-breakup playlists for each of them! Really I just. love music and love seeing characters I like in it so this is fun for me 

Spotify Link

song descriptions under the cut!

i typed up all of this after 1 a.m. last night so not only is it very long it’s also somewhat incoherent but these songs mean a lot to me so if you’re down to read it then thank you!!

note: a few of these songs aren’t available on spotify at the moment but they’re so crucial to the Vibe that i’ve still included them here!

i. I Always Knew - The Vaccines

“So let’s go to bed, before we say something real - 

Let’s go to bed, before we say how we feel” 

-this is my Ultimate krbk song, man. the first time i heard it i was walking to class and i just had to stop on the sidewalk and take a Big deep breath. everything abt the lyrics fits them so well - i’ve talked about this before but the verses and prechoruses really capture that “being young and stupid and tiptoeing around your emotions” feeling, then the chorus hits and it just SOARS, and really, has there ever been a sentiment that fits them more than “it’s always been you” 

ii. Fly Me to the Moon/Lucky - Rick Hale

“Fill my heart with song and let me sing forevermore - 

Tell me I’m the lucky one you worship and adore” 

-I have an extreme soft spot for these boys and love songs. and this has been a part of my fic writing playlists for so long that it always makes me think of them. I don’t even have a lot to say by way of lyrics, this is a full atmosphere pick 

iii. If My Heart Was A House - Owl City

“Circle me and the needle moves gracefully back and forth -

If my heart was a compass, you’d be north” 

-boy if this song doesn’t make me think of bkg every time!! it’s the transition from the prechorus into the chorus that gets me - it starts so quiet, like there’s so much love inside of you that you’re still trying to keep down, and then the “bombs away” is the moment when you decide to stop running and just embrace it, and the chorus comes in so loud and strong and so thoroughly in love. call me a sap (spoilers: i do that myself multiple times here) but it really does remind me of what it must be like when bkg just...decides to let himself have this. and then i feel dumb bc this is about anime boys who are like not in love in canon at all but inside the intricate Kiribaku Canon i have built in my head oh yeah this is how bkg falls in love

iv. Knock Three Times - Tony Orlando

“One floor below me, you don’t even know me - I love you” 

-this is just the prime soundtrack for a college AU where kirishima’s dorm is right above bkg’s and he’s in Love with him. And Also, something about the bold retro vibe makes me think of kirishima, but that almost certainly a me thing! still a big bop though 

v. Intergalactic Disco - Interlunium

“So, with stars in our eyes, let’s fly through the glowing galaxies” 

-again, a big sappy atmosphere pick! i really do love the imagery in this one and the storyline of playing things off as just having a good time until it turns out the other person is as deeply in love as you are. it really is just That Song! please stan interlunium

vi. Animal - Neon Trees

“Here we go again, I kinda wanna be more than friends” 

-the ENERGY in this song!! the loud, highkey, driving beat! the vibes of being young and stupid and stumbling through having feelings for someone equally as inexperienced with love as you are! and yet the fact that we KNOW both of them would run full-force with it once they realize they both want it! the lyrics to this one do get a bit spicy but it’s really the high school crush energy in this one that gets me 

vii. If You Wanna - The Vaccines

“I don't want to do things independently, but I can't make you stay -

That's what all the friends I do not like as much as you say...but if you wanna come back it's alright”

-the ENERGY in this SONG!!!! the electric guitar and the chorus so long you think he’ll run out of breath! bkg getting so fed up with being so close to kirishima’s face and not being able to kiss it that he takes the dive and goes for it and then goes to run away until kirishima yells WAIT- IF YOU WANNA COME BACK IT’S ALRIGHT!!!

viii. No One Like You - Best Coast

“Been around this crazy world, but I still wanna be your girl - 

Cause there’s no one like you.” 

-I feel like...if krbk had a cheesy high school romcom, and everything led up to a big dance at the end, and at the very end the camera panned out as they finally caved into each other and went onto the floor to do that slow dance, this would be the song. This is their slow dance 

-seriously like 70% of the lyrics to this song are “there’s no one like you” which is really, once again, just the Pinnacle of krbk 

ix. Idfc - Blackbear

“'Cause I have hella feelings for you -

I act like I don't fucking care, 'cause I'm so fucking scared” 

-the bkg energy in this song...the self doubt and the pining but the deep-seated belief that you don’t deserve this, even though you’re so close, even though he keeps telling you he loves you- but how could he, he has to be lying, and why would you even care, you don’t care about people like this- you never have, until now...oh this song is just DRIPPING in it

x. My Best Friend’s Hot - The Dollyrots

“Won’t you apologize to me, to me, to me? For being such a tease, a tease, a tease” 

-it’s a song about being pissed at your oblivious hot best friend who you have a huge crush on! they might as well have credited the lyrics to bakugou katsuki 

xi. Stay by My Side - Twice

“I can’t hold it back anymore - 

I can’t even believe how much I love you” 

-it’s Cheesy Romance! it’s cheesy romance that’s all this is!!! this one is pure michigan cheese!!!!! 

xii. Love Line - Twice

“With you by my side, I wanna take a shot, take a walk on the love line” 

-again this is a very me pick! this one’s been sitting around on my writing playlists for a long time and i’ve come to really associate it w these Boys. the member who wrote the lyrics has said it was about her first crush and it’s generally about just. being So enamored with someone you can’t stop thinking about them. and i’m a big sap so you know where that goes 

xiii. Maybe (Luck of the Draw) - The Vaccines

“There’s nobody else like you, there’s nobody else like you -

And if there’s nobody else like you, then maybe I want to spend my life with you” 

-this one always sounds to me like krbk growing up, spending late nights both awake in the dimly-lit kitchen of their second apartment, watching the hours tick by on the microwave clock as they just talk and argue and make each other laugh and slowly realizing that this is by no means perfect but there’s no one else they’d rather keep getting old with...i feel like this is another end credits song for them, you know? 

xiv. I’m Totally Obsessed with Him - Matt Fishel

“He’s in my heart, he’s in my lungs - he’s in everything that I touch” 

-matt fishel deserves SO much more than he gets i mean LISTEN to this huge campy gay anthem about being just extremely an unapologetically in love with your big gay boyfriend!!!! i feel bad making pride anthems like this about anime boys but i’m also gay and i’m here to say that the absolute SCALE of this - the explosion of electricity and infatuation and campy guitar in the chorus - this one has BIG kirishima energy. words can’t do it justice just please please listen to this one 

xv. Slayers - Matt Fishel (again lol) 

“We’re in this together, you and I -

Hand in hand, side by side, unbreakable” 

-It’s a song about being in love with someone who you see as your total partner, you rely on each other and protect each other and you’re with each other through everything, and it’s written through the lens of a fantasy story - this one always, always makes me think of the two of them in the fantasy AU, sworn partners for life, able to rise above any challenges in their path, flying into the sunset together after a long day of adventures, so happy that it seems to make the world spin 

-this really may be the most krbk song i’ve ever heard so please listen to it, 

-i played it for my krbk friend once and when he said unbreakable they started screaming

xvi. Hooked On a Feeling - Blue Swede

“I’m high on believing you’re in love with me -

I said, I’m hooked on a FEELING!!!!!”

-picture this: class A crammed into a karaoke room for a party, kirishima standing up in front of the scream and screaming “THIS ONE’S FOR YOU BKG” and belting out the entire thing, slightly off pitch but FULL of spirit, every time ‘girl’ comes up in the lyrics he sings ‘bakugou’ really really fast (‘I CAN’T STOP THIS FEELING, deep inSIIIde of me, bakugouyoujust don’t reallize!!! what you do to me!!!!”) and everyone is whooping and hollering along except bkg who gets so red that nobody can tell if it’s angry embarrassment or in love god just so in love embarrassment 

-it’s hooked on a feeling it has such loud kirishima energy do i have to explain myself here

xvii. Everyday I Love You - ViVi (Loona) 

“If only you liked me - if only you loved me

Like a fool, I think only of you” 

-note 1: stan loona

-note 2: this song is just such a sweet picture of pining!! imagining the stolen glances and ‘hopeless’ crush feeling when (in some AU where they both have. less emotional hangups the first time they meet) they first meet,, i can’t explain it for this one even it just makes me so soft 

xviii. Crush - Weki Meki

“This feeling- like I’m losing, it’s hurting my pride

But I can’t help it, I’m so curious that I’m going crazy” 

-i’m sure you can tell by now that i. Really like kpop but the first time i read the lyrics to this one i lost it! there are really too many lyrics than i can fit here that remind me of how bkg sees kirishima when he first realizes it’s really a crush that’s making him act like this - i really recommend that you take a look at the translation for this one!! it really has it all - being mad at your crush for how they make your heart pound, feeling like it’s hurting your pride, “it’s not like me to be circling around you like this, i’m gonna make a move”, the line about how “i’ll be better to you than anyone else” - seriously, i cannot exaggerate the bkg energy in these lyrics 

xix. Kimi Janakya Dame Mitai - Masayoshi Ohishi

“I want to get to know you more and more - but that kind of line doesn’t really fit me” 

-aaaand here’s a song that radiates EXTREME Kirishima Energy!! everything from the vibrant guitar to the big belted chorus to the lyrics about being, like, confused but absolutely buzzing and just wanting to be with them - it’s loud and bright and awkward but THRILLED about every part of it!!

-it, of course, helps that the title essentially means “it’s gotta be you” 

xx. I Do Adore - Mindy Gledhill

“Everything you do - it sends me higher than the moon” 

-like….is there a more classic song to associate with your favorite stupid pining high schoolers ship 

-don’t get me wrong i KNOW this one is cliche and i KNOW there’s other ships this fits better but i’m soft don’t @ me 

xxi. Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You - Frankie Valli

-legally this song is only Half in the playlist bc spotify likes taking it down and putting it back up at random but after writing fly me i can’t NOT think abt krbk when i hear it. i have no further justification 

-also imagine kirishima being loud and embarrassing and singing this song to bkg all the time

xxii. Television/So Far So Good - Rex Orange County 

“I don't know, no, I don't know what you like,

But if you're looking for something new, I know somebody that you could choose: 

What about me?” 

-what about MEEEEEEEEeeeeeEEEe 

-i think it’s that driving guitar rhythm that makes this one for me. it just sounds so...ready to take on this weird new feeling of knowing how perfectly things could go with someone if you both just took the jump. it sounds very kirishima. 

-the content does start changing as it keeps going but those first few minutes and the RAP VERSE really have such bubbly dumb teenage ‘it’s our first time feeling like this and it might be a little too serious for us but why don’t we take the leap i’m sure it’ll be worth it’ vibes. it really feels like the first “what about me???” in the chorus should be accompanied by kirishima sprinting up to bkg and lifting him up and kissing him because he’s so caught up in this feeling

xxiii. Sweet Talk - Saint Motel

“When you laugh, I forget that it’s about me 

But it’s alright - cause being your punchline still is something” 

-we all know this is a krbk song, everyone knows it’s a krbk song, my non-bnha friend who I annoy constantly w krbk stuff knows this is a krbk song, honestly do I even have to explain why? it contains the line “you could yell ‘piss off, won’t you stay away’ - it’d still be sweet talk to my ears” and we All know how whipped kirishima already is 

xxiv. Into The Storm - Banners

“Through night and dark, through fantasies that fall apart,

Know you're always in my heart, anywhere you go” 

-Unconditional love! Working through the hard times together! and knowing these two, there have been & will be no shortage of hard times to work through. it’s that loyalty and devotion that makes this one. 

xxv. Talk Too Much - COIN

“Stay cool, it’s just a kiss - so, why you gotta be so talkative?” 

-when it comes down to it bkg and kirishima are two idiot 16 year olds who have never been in love before so you know they’re gonna stumble a lot when they first get together. i don’t know how to explain it but i think this really captures that

-also i feel like this is a pretty staple krbk song! i see it on so many playlists

xxvi. If I Tremble - Front Porch Step

“And if I tremble at the sight of you, it’s not because I’m cold -

It’s because I’m staring at the girl I want to love me when I’m old” 

-that idea of the kind of love you want to last forever, knowing the person you want to grow old with...I honestly don’t like this one for them that much anymore but it Did make me cry the first time I thought about it so it gets to stay. tbh when I’m soft enough it still gets me 

xxvii. Cold Cold Man - Saint Motel

“You’re the only one worth seeing, the only place worth being -

The only bed worth sleeping is the one right next to you” 

-Saint Motel is just krbk culture at this point, this is another staple krbk song. I mean, the core theme is “I know I’m an asshole but I love you more than anyone” - come ON

xxviii. Wonderful Things - Ryan Corn

“So you say you wanna grab hold - well to hold, you’ve gotta let go

Of the only way you may have ever known” 

-is this song about god? maybe. is it about krbk? Oh absolutely 

-the themes of not knowing what you’d do without the other person in your life, and looking back on the person you were able to become because of them, and that lyric up there always makes me think of Kamino - it’s just all around got the themes and I’m very soft about that

xxix. Bad Enough For You - All Time Low 

“You love to hate me when I'm chasing you, 

And I hate to say this, but I'm stuck on loving you” 

-Okay this is totally 12-year-old me talking here but hear me out: Bakugou being convinced Kirishima could never like him more than this weird half-flirting thing they’ve come to and also being scared that he’d never be good enough for him, but him as he is now is letting them HAVE this half-flirting thing, so...he keeps it up, even though he wishes he could be the one to treat him how he deserves to be treated, but there’s no way he could be Kirishima’s boyfriend anyway so what’s the point in caring (but kirishima loved him the WHOLE TIME!!! they sort things out before long lol)

-also they’re both 16 and emo so. 

xxx. Instead of My Room - Charlie Burg 

“Can't we just put on Ramones? And we'll drive

And I'll kiss you, in my car, instead of my room” 

-if kirishima wrote songs with kaminari and sero during high school, i think they’d sound like this

-the lyrics to this one are just so Fun! it’s goofy and jokey and just having a good time! i can’t make the lyrics line up as much as i’d like them to but it really just sounds like them to me 

xxxi. I Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing - Aerosmith 

“I don’t wanna close my eyes -

I don’t wanna fall asleep, cause I’d miss you, babe” 

-i have exactly 2 krbk moods and one is “they are stupid. 16 and loud and just so dumb” and the other is “this is Love love, they’re gonna live off this forever” 

-kirishima looking over at bkg fast asleep the night after their wedding and feeling so wholly in love that he cries 

xxxii. Stutter - Marianas Trench

“So here I am - you can take or leave me,

But I won't ever be anywhere but here” 

-If krbk starred in a mid-2000s battle of the bands romcom with a car chase scene this is the song that would play in the trailer (I KNOW that’s crazy specific but that’s the image I always get when I hear this) 

xxxiii. Must Have Done Something Right - Reliant K 

“If anyone could make me a better person, you could -

All I gotta say is I must have done something good” 

-i feel like i’m 13 when i hear this song but it’s really really Them

-really i think the thing that keeps me so invested in krbk is that they’re so involved with each other’s character arcs - they’re constantly making each other better people, each of them is like a missing piece for the other, and they’re both so wrapped up in their own shortcomings that they barely even realize how big of an impact they’re having on the other. but really they would never be the same if they hadn’t met. and that’s the entirety of this song’s content

xxxiv. Deer in the Headlights - Owl City 

“Tell me again, was it love at first sight

When I walked by and you caught my eye?” 

-there is literally nothing in the lyrics that makes me think of them. this one is 100% for the vibe. and also kinda the lyrics in the chorus. like, being taken aback by how suddenly everything is happening but in a very excited and enthusiastic way. things don’t go Smoothly when they confess, persay, but oh man is it memorable (and loud and sweaty and hoarse-throated but never, ever sad) 

xxxv. On and On (About You) - Bowling For Soup 

“Now you can scream about the little things, slap me twice across the face,

Man it would be great if I could buy you flowers every day” 

-this is really middle school me speaking here BUT: 

-krbk don’t exactly work out in high school and end with some big fight but with time they both realize they were wrong and when they finally meet again at a class reunion they both wanna get back together but they’re still arguing and shooting quick remarks at each other but the whole time they’re thinking “man, if i could, i’d buy you flowers every day” 

xxxvi. Mamma Mia - ABBA

-it’s mamma mia. it’s just mamma mia

-it’s also kirishima’s inner monologue every time he thinks he’s finally kicked his crush on bkg and then he sees him for 0.1 seconds and falls right back in 

xxxvii. I Dare You - The Regrettes

“I can't seem to sleep, and I feel my pulse beating

I wanna keep all my control, but you're the one that brings the sun” 

-maybe it just reminds me of the music video song in quote love unquote but the second i heard this song i was like oh yeah that’s kiribaku

-the idea of trying to catch yourself as you feel yourself falling but also choosing to make the jump in the first place! the idea that you’re taking a big chance but things are so much better together that you’re not scared! you’re even pushing yourself forward! it’s truly for them 

xxxviii. I Want to Hold Your Hand - the version from Yesterday

-like, fuck the beatles but it’s a song about hand holding. come on 

xxxix. Love At First Sight - The Brobecks

“Turn the lights off, I’m in love” 

-that lyric has happened in canon. that lyric is the context of why bkg went to bed at 8:32 pm that one time 

-it’s such a sweet mix of being scared about falling in love but also...feeling like the world just got a little brighter, and kinda letting yourself sink into it in reluctant acceptance because it just feels so good? kinda hitting the same notes as If My Heart Was A House. idk the first time i heard this i thought abt the girl i have a crush on so i was like “nope. nope. refocus this to krbk” 

xxxx. Holliday - The Weekend Run Club 

“I'd never been so soaked before

I was drenched in your arms, dancing in your downpour” 

-this was on my discover weekly last week and I put it on here without thinking about it and now I”m really listening to it for the first time and. wow. Wow. 

-you know the scenario i’ve been bringing up this whole time of taking a leap into something awkward and electric that makes you happier than you could imagine? that’s the energy i’m getting from this

-just imagining krbk being out on their first date and it starts pouring so they duck inside and they’re like “well...should we just go back?” and then realize it’s so much more like them to run out into the downpour and get soaked and kirishima’s losing his mind laughing and bkg’s like “what are you so happy about idiot” and kirishima’s just like “i don’t know. i just really like this. i just really like you” and then they’re both kinda floating on air

[dont-follow-me-im-scared]

My worst goodbye

Per my therapist request im "journaling" breakup I guess. I mean its been a long time coming but this time it was real and needed to this might be long but here goes:

The force,

I dont even know where to start so I'll start from the begining. The night I met you, when I walked into that bar I had no intention of meeting my soul mate. Yes soul mate. I never believed in them until I met you. But after 9 long years ive learned sometimes we meet our soul mate and we dont get to keep them. I had quite a bit to drink, see you didnt know this but I was 19 I just looked old enough to be there and I had gotten divorced a few months before my world would be forever rocked and changed. The night carried on the christmas air was no match for the drink and the long sleeve I had on. I removed layers the more I drank and I stayed close to the bar. This tall man with the bluest eyes id ever seen was taking care of my drink needs but young me saw a mountain I wanted to climb. I was informed you were married when the regulars realized my attention wasnt going anywhere but you. I flashed the bar (dumb kid is probably what you thought) but everyone in there knew it was for you. Hell I said I wouldnt do it unless you were there. The night carried on, my friends were restless trying to protect whatever modesty they felt I had that night. I wanted to go to the after party I was told youd be attending. They refused and wanted to get me home. Closing time was coming. I wrote my number on a napkin and waited. You went back towards the bathrooms and I knew somehow in my awe struck drunken stuper that was my chance. I walked back caught you right at the end of the hall. Do you remember what I said? I can. The words and moment is forever burned into my brain. "I can keep a secret". Slipped my number into your front pocket smooth as fuck. Which isnt me. But you know that right? Because after that night you saw sides of me no one was ever allowed to see. You saw me grow as a person and into a woman. That was the begining of the end. That singular moment with rumple on my breathe as I stood on my tip toes to lean as close to your ear as I could when I spoke those words. I took in how you smelled. I had no idea soon that smell would be my favorite and put my spirit at ease.

I woke up the next morning with a text from an unknown number. Then the conversation started. You filled in the parts of the night that wasnt clear. You made me nervous. A sensation that would never die down. Tuesday. She'll be at work. Dinner and hang out at the house? Sure. I bet you thought you were getting lucky that night. Not as lucky as I was going to be I guess. Because see even though this is a goodbye, and one thats tearing me apart I was so lucky to feel this. Not everyone gets to experience this with anyone in their entire life. You had a young child. Maybe 3 months I think. Timing in the universe is shitty like that. We sat on the couch. Me almost shaking with nerves but trying to keep my calm because I refused to look a fool in front of you. Do you remember what we watched? Big bang theory. And from then on anytime I saw an episode (I never watched it myself) my thoughts would gravitate back to that couch with you. Do you know how hard thats going to be on me now because that shows everywhere. I guess thats not your problem though. We didnt have sex. I was too nervous and I mean I felt like I was going to puke you made me so nervous. But there was a warmth. This tiny spark of a fire that was felt by me at least. We made out alot. But everytime you reached for my belt my gut screamed "No! Not yet" and ive never been one to ignore my gut. I left. I parked my car a few houses down. The late December air felt so cold against my face because my cheeks were burning like id be in the gym. This couldnt be real. I texted you when I got to the end of the street. "Im sorry I couldn't have sex with you I was so nervous if you dont want to meet up again i get it." I expected you to blow me off. I mean you are older and a bartender. I knew in my head what you were use to with women. I had only been with two people my whole life but you. You reeked experience. Then my phone did something that felt magical in the moment. It lit up with that text. That text reassuring me you wanted to see me again. The text that made me float the whole way home.

The visits became more frequent. Sex with you was amazing. You engulfed my body in what seemed like worship. Not one inch of me ignored. Hands and mouth just exploring the new territory. I was more adventurous. I wanted to make you happy in every way possible. Theres a need inside me to make sure youre happy. There's this new feeling like in a woman and not just some highschooler whos date is trying to get lucky. Theres a chemistry unmatched and indescribable in all honesty. It happened on the couch. The 2nd time I saw you. You carried my straddling body to your room all that was on was my unbutton jeans and your jeans. Your arms lifted me with such ease I gasped. I remember. See how much I remember. Your bedroom smelt like soap and the sheets smelled clean. The only light in the room was the green from the clock by your bed. Then before I knew it your mouth was where no other mans had been. You gave me a new experience I had been deprived of before. Then you were inside of me when I felt like my body was going to stop. Laying there after wards, your hands playing with my spine while we had small conversations in between sighs I considered if this could be forever. I knew right then you were different. I knew we were different. I knew there was something in my way but never desired to remove it. Your kiss at the front door when I was leaving had a longing. Like you didnt want to send me away. It was dark. The neighbors didnt know but as bright as I felt like I was shinning I wondered if they were peering out of the windows to see the source. Was any of this real for you? I dont think I want the answer because it was so real for me. This all sounds crazy. You're married and I knew but here I was.

It got to where id barley make it through your unlocked door without you scoping me up like youd waited all week to get your hands on me. The text in between visits didnt seem like enough any more. So I started doing what any logical in love person would do. I started getting hotel rooms and going to the bar on the weekends. I had to see you more. Hear your voice. See you smile at me from across that bar knowing I was picturing having you under me on every surface there. It made it fun right? Like we had a huge secret right in front of everyone. Including your sister in law who bartended with you some nights. It was a rush right? Knowing I was going to be in that weed infused hotel room half drunk mostly stoned in the see through black robe you love(d) so much. Knowing there was nothing between me and you but this thin fabric. Do you think people could see it on our faces? Your friends became mine because I was at the bar so often but none of them knew. Our conversations grew and we became friends who just happen to explode with this chemistry. It was more than what it had been but that was the most itd ever be. Remember the Halloween you dressed at a 20s gangster. Remeber the red dress i rushed into the bar in on new years eve so I could kiss you by midnight. Do you remember taking me in your arms around my waist and kissing me in front of everyone? I'll never forget because that was a moment where I thought this is how it could be. I met you for lunches. I met you at quicktrips for a five minute visit. Boyfriends came and went but you never left. I kept you around. Remember the apartments down the street I moved into so I could be closer. You whistling while I was waiting at my open front door. That smile. You nuzzling me after on the balcony while i smoked. I hated you had to leave me every time. You lingered in my door hesitant to walk away. The good thing about me living so close is you got to spend more time with me.

I stated you were my soul mate. I mean it. I have forever missed my chance with the one person I truly believe was made for me. All because a year of timing. You told me so many times had it not been for your baby youd leave. I believed you. I love my husband and my daughter but no one will ever light the fire you did inside me and still do. Which is why I need to walk away. Youre a source of confusion in my life. I cant allow myself to question if my relationships right because I dont have the feeling I did with you. Does that make me bad? I dont think so. I love him and dont want to hurt him which is why I have to do this. Cutting an imprint with you is one of the hardest things ive had to do but hurting him would be harder. I'll never forget a million things about you. Memories with you. I honestly hope you'll never forget me. I wish I could tell my daughter about you one day and how she never needs to settle unless someone makes her feel like you made me feel.

Love always

Youre biggest fan.

[alchemisland]

Moors Mutt IV - Old Stone

Lar had set plates of milk and egg on the exterior ledge in tribute to the fae folk said to inhabit the ancient mounds. Ah, how rugged tradition. Despite innumerable era-defining events happening daily across the world, for the village of Sperrin it was just another day when the sun rose and, with luck, set again in the evening. They hadn't time for dullards in tailed suits dictating tastes, but they had still team to tend the interspecies relations their ancestors cherished. By all accounts I have heard, to spurn the giving of tributes and gifts incurs great penalty from these entities, with many a workman rising with thorns in his bed after rooting out on the old Hawthorns, which are so revered entire networks and key routeways, which I say should serve to modernise this place a bit, are diverted from their course to leave the old fairy trees in peace. Even now I puzzle at this strange practice, at the contrast between past and present evident in all things once you leave the big cities. The fae, I have since learned, are a race of otherworldy beings driven beneath the furrows as the plague of mankind spread; its boils gaping swordwounds, its pus the belch of industry, and always fatal. Thackeray's 'Sketchbook 1842' spake thusly on the practice; "Crude as their barn religion seems to the imperial beholder, there is yet intricacy in this practices and archaic wisdom therein. If a faith's claim to true institutional status is the number of adherents, there are more worshippers in these bog towns, who bear saints names, than ever had Patrick driven toward the tide." Thackeray made no mention of an egg dish though.

A scarred moggy had the scent hot on his nostrils, thought he what fine folks we to leave a sup for me. I watched him furtively take the decking and slink toward the dish. First he tapped the rim to glean what consequence he might incur, but seeing the clear craned and began to lap its contents delightedly, soaking its whiskers. Fergus thundered out the door, beelining towards the cat which he had spied through the window. He lifted a knee with all grace of rusted Talos and swung the appendage toward the hissing feline. Bold, but not careless, the moggy bailed, zipping from sight before Fergus' hobnail hit. I supposed it a tad overreactive, but when one considers the fae as a true belief system, that cat was essentially gobbling up our good faith, and I thought with another opportunity I'd have done the same.

Lar seemed smaller inside. The barframe served to deemphasize his ample stature, a kingly six foot one stood stock straight; more kingdom keep than tavern keep, and a fur mantle he wore most Heraclean. He took great stomping strides, as in a childhood tale my mother fireside imparted of a giant who wore seven league boots. His ever-bailed fists hung like cudgels by his side, two loyal hounds never stumped for purpose. In his great shadow, one felt a gratitude for civilisation; a concept voluntary for men like Lar. Every second a short man, like me, spent not being torn limb from limb by a man like him was a second lived by his decree.

I swanned to his side, eager for revelation, suddenly taken by the spirit of adventure. Not quite the long walk to the docks before an age on the high seas, for indeed the only thing Sperrin had to resemble the rippling sails of farbound triremes were the sad slanted fabric roofs in the central square still hanging from the Christmas Market, but it was no less a proud moment and a little death; the death of office and oath, of duty, of tedium; for that day I was no longer a swaddled urbanite, good only for council meetings and book reviews, I was reborn in renown; I set off toward the unknown with all the zeal of a whorebound sailor, as of old heroes had.

'Lar, a moment if I could. In the house yesterday I found a bill of sale for an old church somewhere in the demesne. Do you know it?' I asked.

'Know it? Took my first communion there. As did he.' Lar nodded toward Fergus who jostled delightedly, pulling the second of three bags across his vast flank. 'Everyone did. Before she got her toxic claws in.'

'You're joking? I didn't think to ask last night, I thought you wouldn't be interested. This is most fortuitous. Oh, lash me for assuming. What age were you when it closed?'

'After first Communion.' Lar said, concealing his question.

'I'm not Roman Catholic. Happy? My father was a man of intense private faith. Very distrustful of institutions. He encouraged us, and others, to think for ourselves, not to puzzle overmuch the mysteries of man's making.'

'That explains a lot.' said Lar, papist to the root.

'I'm no heathen.' I exhaled my irriation. 'I know my bible well as any bishop; better even. My father wanted to join the priesthood, alas it was not to be. A noble ambition, even unfulfilled. Does that satisfy your piety?'

'What stopped him?' said Lar, unsatisfied. I saw glinting around his neck a pendant freshly clad, its chain lightly linked, an effigy of holy Saint Anthony sun-crowned acentre against a gold rondure.

I shrugged my shoulders. 'Insitutions? He didn't talk about it. So enlighten me if you will; what age is Communion? Twelve - or is that Consternation?'

'It's Confirmation.' Lar spat through gritted teeth. 'Communion is the unleavened bread. Usually the ceremony takes place when the child is seven or eight.'

'Right. And Lady Sizemore, you would not deny she was a woman of means?'

Lar scoffed, loosening phlegm. 'I would not.'

'I had presumed so. Her estate is vast, her house lavish, its contents irreplaceable, its memories priceless, but she was not ostentatious in herself. Lar, I know we're out for the beast and don't worry, I still intend keeping up with the thing, but my heart is really set on figuring this church business. See, I have had cause to see her financial records, public and private. Aside from maintenance costs and the occasional queenly feast, she seemed positively a pincher of pennys, a scrimper.' When our eyes met Lar squinted suspiciously, waiting for more. 'I mean to say Lady Sizemore seemed modest despite her earnings, yet enormous costs were incurred purchasing the church and moving the cairn. I want to know why it's so special.'

'You'll soon find out. Where do you think we're going?'

'Truly? An angel. Art thou an angel? Thou art, truly. Who else so cherubim in cheek and lobe!' I nearly clicked my heels. 'How serendipitous I should inquire. Let me ask another question; what's there now?' We had slowed, each of us, in anticipation of local colour. If trips to the outdoors had purpose, twas this, tramping blind and giving life to what has passed, and perhaps in gratitude, if a higher place exists than this, the dead will bid us good fortune.

'Nothing much anymore. There's been a church on that ground since before any Bishop in Rome ever lied. The first Christians arrived, little more than farmers, armed with twisted staves. Stone by stone they built a temple for their desert god, refuse from the cold of the islands. The Gods of ancient Albion were not of the sun, blithe were they to effulgence. Came they from beneath the clod. Slithered out from eel bores and swam the narrow estuaries like boneless longships. Worshippers twisted as their idols took every chance to spurn the advances of the interlopers, but such savagery cannot be upheld. Hate is not enough. Hate is the infernal speed, the thud of knuckles, the thunder at the antler crash of rutting stags, but it is a fickle thing, a false security, sapping and parasitic. By generations, these savage men became curious. They had killed so many, sundered their doings and mocked their skygod, yet still the missionaries adhered his tenets. Perhaps, they thought, this God is some powerful thing. And with that, the spell of the old ways was broken. Already as the tribesmen made their first ginger steps up the slopes, the slopes we ourselves will ascend, the suckered whips and shadowed protrusions of the old ones retracted to the otherworld, down into the deep dells and dark delvings and the dwindling darks of earth. Came they curious and unarmed, bid the missionaries impart this wisdom worth dying for. This site was not alone chosen for its useful vantage and strategic defensive position. The arriving zealots had observed natives worshipping standing stones, more ancient than the predeluvian cultures of hyborea and Tartaria. Such megaliths were known to hold great arcane power. The priests need only convince the tribes that power was theirs, a demonstration of their gospels infallibility, done easily within a generation. Priests controlled education, taste, oversaw cultural changes, discarded blasphemous and mysterious rites. Soon the brood knew nothing of the traditions held by their forebears. An epoch of strife began.'

'Ah. So the priests came, withstood the assault and incorporated existing idols into their own pantheon? How cunning, deceitful and a tragedy I should say too.'

'All-seeing though their God was, people will always do as they please. The old ways survive unchanged, even to this day the older townsfolk meet for the mysteries. When Fergus and I were bairns enormous crowds travelled from far afield to celebrate the imbolc, until she rooted out the cairn and left the church to rack and ruin. It shouldn't have been allowed.' Lar nodded, the ire of its sundering still upon him fresh, running like new fire in his veins and I saw with each clumping step he drove the point of his boot into the soft ground, like a knight's lance in a fallen pikeman's back, spending his annoyance in this manner.

When I saw his shoulders raise with tension lifted and gait restored, I probed further. 'Do you know the priest?'

'Er - yes. Tarbuck I think his name was.'

'What about Talbot - as in Talbot Church?'

Lar raised a suspicious brow, like a furtive otter arching from the swell, they were thin, brown and sleek, I'd say manicured if I didn't know him better, but I suppose I did not know him well at all. His mouth began to turn and I watched him, trying to clear my mind in anticipation of inquest. At last he spoke most considered, rising to be heard over Fergus' hyucking. 'Yes I suppose that sounds right. Talbot. Couldn't tell you more. Why are you asking if you already know? If I didn't know better, I'd say you're withholding information, partner.'

'You wouldn't believe me if I told you.' What could I tell him? That I had seen a faceless priest with mucky vestments out for a midnight walk? Where did I see him? Funny you should ask, in bed. In bed? Well, yes. I was in bed, but my mind was to the church called be the peal of silent bells. No, it was best to withhold until I knew more, and still all this time there was the beast, presumably furious at having been picked second.

I was met with silence. More space came between us. Knowing Lar and Fergus would soon disappear from sight, I was forced to shout over the wind, 'Why did she move the Cairn?'

Lar shrugged again. True to his word, he could not tell more than that. 'Winter.'

I had thought much since waking from the dream, about the church and lady Sizemore, about the familiar priest and the sympathetic plight implied in his step and dimmed blue eyes. I had forgotten much of the dream's stark imagery. Only this impression of the man burying his secrets and his spade daubed in clay remained. I found most curious the cairn's relocation. Lar had not seemed confident imparting the reason for its transfer, that Lady Sizemore was told the house wouldn't stand another winter despite having done so two hundred years; to me, that seemed a spurious motive and something worth inquiry.

Dawnflame pulsed in seductive ruby, splintering to a prism that dazzled in its royal array, from bold scarlet to princely vermilion, and in that sanguine bank we found hopeful portent. Other larks stirred from roadside redoubts to wave passage. Husbandmen mostly, any whose labours were bound to the rueful star's whim. Breaking from the road we made for pasture, cutting due Northwest across the plain. Dawn's jewels, stars of morning which are night's silver sisters, sundered underfoot, brittle things past season returning to aether.

Lar and Fergus scouted ahead, rudely parading superior vigour. They whispered among themselves. Fifty years old the pair of them, they still moved like Herne the hunter through all terrains. Fergus gave credence to the theory empty vessels howl loudest, guffawing at every ribaldry Lar conjured from the sewer he called a brain. With spare breath I might have cursed them, but my fury came a decliate whisper, peeling like nighttime bells; loudly and to no one. I wished barren the bellies of the sows that held them.

Ego as engine, for a furious mile I kept pace, propelled solely by a need for petty victory. Predictably, for those bones had long been cast, I quickly slowed back to a sad trudge, slower than my previous languid pace.

Themselves ramblers taking long walks for leisure, Lar and Fergus waited at each fence feigning to check their watches, teasing with so many rests between arrivals a man might never tire. Gladly I obliged, quipping Aesop's lessons were lost to them. What else had I but meek agreement. Nod and smile, chaste to make a Roman wife blush, icily injecting scorn where possible unnoticed.

At length the naked path yielded to thick woodland more typical of the region. We pushed through the system of unbowed oaks, which cast snake haired shadows where light could penetrate. Further the branches enclosed to a dome, stealing our brave shadows. Little rest we took in the maze's darkest sectors. Badger, fox and mole strode brazen, unfamiliar and unafraid. At the helm, Lar thought himself Alexander in Hanyson, immortal thirst his guiding star. I remembered how ended that tale.

How hard it seemed rising after only a moment stilled. How quickly a hard-earned graceful step replaced by rhythmless clomping. It was not until several minutes treading passed that semblance of form returned, and soon after, the next reluctant stop, the mossy bank where last we halted still visible shortly behind.

For a time there was sun. Golden fire, faint and pale beyond a tattered veil. The aperture seized before our eyes until only A crescent of light remained, the golden torc of Ulaid.

This terse land existed long before man's dominion and would reign unchanged in the wake of our expiry. Here she gave no quarter. Gaia dressed for war in all her plate. All twisted briar and stinging barbs, long tunnels of night giving to treacherous muddy groves where a man might be taken by the bog and the old things therein.

'Where in jezebel's saucehole are we?" I planted myself. Thought I of Ephialtes leading Persians through the pass, cursed by the gods to wear his inner treachery outwardly.

Fergus deferred to Lar's judgement. Solomon-like, Lar waved our wagons halted. He tossed the empty skins to Fergus. 'Fill these' he said, miming drinking.

While the Giant fetched pales Lar prodded the scant briar. 'Say Lar.' He bid me sit upon a raised bank.

'You look like shit.'

'Not so bad yourself' I wheezed. 'Truly do we have to go so fast? Is it so far we can't mosey, even just for a mile? I've done walking but this is hoplite stuff.'

'Deal.' Lar wanted to sit but he didn't. He stood, knees taxed, breath compromised, but he stood. Nothing to prove and still at attention. One could not deny his character.

We watched Fergus' return, arms extended like some horror out of Jotunheim. Wet cloth clung to his forearms like setting plaster, arousing suspicions he had endured some minor aquatic tragedy. My dry mouth prevented inquiry. I snatched the skin and quaffed generously, muttering thanks. Quite unsympathetically, I had to force myself not to ask 'Water we going to do now?' or comment that it was growing colder the further we went up, in fact 'ri-very cold.'

I produced a flask. Cursed with muteness, Fergus could not explain what manner of calamity had befallen him. Louder his teeth clacked. A mirror pool formed about his feet, spreading wider until he stood aft a glass plinth. I offered a lash. The whiskey shot fire through his veins. His eyes bulged as the water of life reignited the dampened kindling of his passions.

Lar, hitherto predisposed with watering of a different sort, emerged fastening his trousers and immediately noted something awry. He lifted his chin an inch, gave us the once over and bounded towards Fergus. He took a clump of wet tweed and squeezed until it wept through his clenched fist. 'Christ. What happened?'

Lar claimed little of Fergus remained. A friendly shade of what once he was. He assured me what others perceived as emotion was mere instinct. Nerves and twitches, mimicked gestures. Still I swore he had recognised his own foolishness at having fallen into the stream. How shyly he stared to his feet, if only for one moment of divine clarity.

Lar was concerned about Fergus' garments. Wet clothes would spell disaster for the burgeoning expedition. I offered my scarf. Lar followed suit. Like a freed condemned, he slipped the coarse rag from around his own neck. Flattened parallel, they formed a hugging shawl around his sodden shoulders. Gently, by degrees, we warmed Fergus. He took another swig from the flask. In his gargantuan hands, fingers like rolling pins splayed across its scratched surface, the flask appeared little more than a doll's trinket.

Upon imbibing the second drop, revelling its minor anaesthetic quality, his cheeks flashed pink, rouge to blush a whore. When great cities crumbled and ancient wisdoms were lost, when mankind regressed to a baser form, bestial and philistine, beloved of ignorance, the denizens of ancient Ireland had brewed this potent potable, and on its warmth resisted the great debasement. Fire exhumed ice in his veins. The fire of life; the fire of the elixir I had given him, which of old the anointed ones consumed seeking arcane knowledge, devolving their mind to its primal state, therein discovering secrets lost to time.

Ahead the vanguard, Lar spied him first. A shambling form moving quick through the trees. With a limp wave he halted us. Behind we mimed his stoop. On haunches he held the order with a trembling hand, for which we never blamed him. Everyone had reached the same conclusion; the beast was upon us. We had wished without proper consideration. Now our twisted desire was made flesh. From the underworld the beast reeking of acrid smoke had clawed, toxic miasma from the foundries of hell in heady tendrils about its paws.

Gradually the amorphous form revealed contours most corporeal; those of an older man, sweeping towards us at a markedly unsupernatural pace. He moved furtively, shoulders raised to his ears protectively, eyes deep set and impatient. Closer he came until he stood before us on the crest of a mossy embankment. He stood still for address, unsure if we were brigands, bounty hunters or worse. He cast a long glance over each of us in turn, tracing our brows, testing the mettle behind our eyes, down the chest to the navel, to our stained feet and upward again. He shoved a letter into his pocket and I saw on his ringfinger he wore an enormous golden signet, though I could not discern any detail in the dimness.

With his green gillet stained polkadot and wild sideburns adjoining beard and hair, he appeared more victorian eccentric than hiker. I soon learned that his name was Dalliard, a local with roots deeper than those from which his wiry gruaig sprang, a mad albino nest atop his wisened head. He spoke with a thick lilt, a strange medley of gaelic and slang, almost saxon sounding if I didn't know the name Dalliard wasn't Northon. He was assuredly a kill-your-son-and-live-with-your-wife-in silence-for-twenty-years-over-the-lend-of-a-spade type.

Beneath his snowy bristles lay zit red cheeks. I imagined his mouth when it moved as a bubbling postule, his tongue glorious pus emerging like a curious worm's head. As he elbowed past I caught his eye, or rather disturbed him rudely staring. Next I wondered whether the creases on his brow were newly formed, ever present or mere projections of my exhausted, possibly delirious state. No, unmistakably this Dalliard recognised me. Something he saw worried him. Probably some pervert up to no good in the old churchyard, worried we would stumble upon his vile derelictions. Perhaps some looter of antiquities, wondering if I'm here for the same. All this passed in a moment, soon he was long passed and speaking overshoulder.

'Up ahead' he panted, mopping his brow with an overworked handkerchief, 'it levels out. Push on. No more'n a mile. If the kirkyard is left, you've got it. If it steepens again, ye've strayed.'

'The light fades quick. Careful on your way. Don't dally.' Lar called after sardonically.

Emboldened by closeness we came on fast to devour the remaining track, leaping from ledge to mossy shelf with educated precision like trained fleas. How quickly one became accustomed to difficulty; it was not hard to see how we proliferated across every inch of the globe, until even the secret and sacred places of the world were sullied by our refuse; their tranquility strangled by our inanities. Without fire to christen me, mine had been a baptism by stone. Keeping in pace, I turned to Lar and Fergus. 'Know that Dalliard chap well, do you?'

'We don't send cards at Christmas. Lives on the other side of the valley. Different schools, different everything, same parish. Posh eccentric sort. Had some affiliations with the good lady. Why? I'm sure he'd love to take a lovely lass like you for a stew any evening of the year.' Lar bellowed.

'No, it's nothing. Curious

is all. Seemed a bit sketchy to me. Is he all there?'

'Oh yes, quite. Seemed sensible the few times we chanced to meet. Put it from your mind. We're almost there. I've thought of a question all of my own, fancy that, what's your name?'

'Aha.' I smiled. 'I thought you'd never ask.'

'Thought you'd never tell.' Lar smiled, for once unteasingly.

'It's Bastable.' I answered with surprising pride.

'What Bastable?' Lar asked.

'Mr. Bastable will suffice, thank you.'

[wickedvalentine-blog]

- Accursed Blessing I. -

Act I – Tribute of the Divines

A child was born, pure of human senses of judgement, duty and knowledge. At his cradle came to give their pledge, three goddesses of heaven, sisters of Celestis.

The child wandered in dreams as the sisters gathered around. Intrigued by the purity profound; the lost treasure of kings and queens.

The youngest sister stepped out, caressed his head, her snow-white hair gently touched his joined hands. Her name is Alba, an angel of forsaken lands; it was a goddess of words staying at his bed.

“Sleep, child, while there is still a dream to cherish. Once you are awake, a dreadful path you will tread, pained and lonely, you will miss your warm bed. But do not fear it, you will neither fail nor perish, for we will watch over you. I, Alba of the lands forsaken, will be with you as you reawaken, to guide your hand through the world written anew.”

The goddess of book and quill, ever so bold, leaned forward and kissed the child’s cheek. He is small and frail, but no longer weak, the gift of writing would shine down on his dark road.

Alba... her realm is travelled only by few, for who would willingly wander alone? Wanderer explores the land forlorn, forever old and forever new. Still the goddess uses all her might to help her children on the forsaken road, at its end, the promise of joy tenfold, the divine delights dwell, for which mortals fight.

Although she is youngest of the three, Alba’s powers exceeds all and any. With her thought a world is created, and with it many as well faded.

-

The eldest looked at the sleeping boy wondered whether she gives her pledge. “Another gift would make his spirit foil, but his senses sharpened like an edge.”

Aura, goddess from the house of melodies, full of friends, free of enemies, doubted her decision more than ever, wished to save the child from painful endeavour.

“Can we make a perfect human of this child? One wild of nature and calm of mind? There will always be a price to pay for talent, that is the way of fate, unwanted and ambivalent.”

Aura knows more than anyone how success is failure’s son. Her fair hair and voice angelic... although divine, she is a cursed relic. Through pain and loss the voice goddess rose. Now at the cradle she stands fighting her own moral laments.

She looked at the middle sister blankly expecting her move to provide a decision. She approached the child and watched, her eyes saw more than a kid, a dreadful vision.

-

Atra, the goddess of visions and memory, her blood red eyes saw a lot of pain, war, love and treachery, her torment never was in vain.

Her gift is to see more than meets the eye, and remember the stillness of the world around. Once the time of art is nigh, a memory to a canvas is eternally bound.

“Alba’s gift was more than enough. We already interfered beyond our limits. His life will be dangerous and rough should Fate ever hear of this.”

-

Unfortunate this sentence was, an unexpected turn of the cause. Fate made her appearance in the room, a failed progeny of doom.

Strange powers bound the sisters powerless as the Fate took over their place. She came here to curse the child, not to bless, to turn his righteous pride into disgrace.

“So it is a gift you wish for... Fear not, I shall provide a suitable one. As for the gift you received before, keep it, your life had just begun.

I give you a gift of eternal pain, knowledge of what could have been had your trying not end in vain and your dreams so close to be seen but never close enough to grasp, I promise you will cry and gasp in agony begging me to help this useless insignificant whelp! And I grant you the curse of the soul-wrecked; you shall know and fear of being imperfect! Go now, Alba’s young apprentice, the gifts of her sisters you shall forever miss.” Fate and the goddesses faded away, left the child a high price to pay for a life neither asked for nor wanted. What lies ahead is a story, tragic and haunted...

Act II – A kiss, my beloved...

The child grew up in great haste, his gift is still unfound but not in waste. Alba, in her kingdom imprisoned by fate, grieved and cried, forced to watch and wait.

She wished to help the kid right away, to banish the dread and dismay. Alas, there was nothing in her power to escape the heavily guarded prison tower.

-

Six times the winter came and went, bringing sadness in every moment spent. Loneliness sank its vicious teeth into the skin, and the kid started thinking: what could have been?

Laments sent out a silent cry, thus far the child did not wish die. Once upon time, on a lonely wintry night, the child went to sleep, only to wake as a knight.

In a dream, often shrouded in mystery, he met a girl – to his life the greatest victory. The moon shined brightly upon those two, love-struck, they immediately knew this encounter is above fate and nature, an adventure for the chosen ones to tread and wager. The dream was coming to an end, no more than their eyes have met. Yet, they both knew what was in their mind, a wish for kiss, the sweetest of its kind. The sealing of lips was nearly made, but alas, sooner this dream had to fade.

The child woke up cast out from heaven once again, back into reality, the hell’s harsh and dissonant den. But this time he entered without a frown. In tears of joy he could swim and drown.

For years the child wandered the halls of hell, what he was thinking, no demon could tell. His heart like the one of a dog, loyal, relentless and lost in a monologue, awaited his mistress with tempered belief, his heart hidden well from any thief.

Sixteenth winter had passed since his birth, the child started doubting his true worth. No miracle brought the two lovers together, from angel’s wing falls the last feather.

Fate smirks and grins at her triumphant trickery, douses the flames of hope to induce misery. Alba still trapped along with her siblings, sends her children to do her biddings.

“Go forth, daughters of affection, I place my apprentice under your kind protection. Go forth, be swift! Free him of the guilt and unveil my gift!”

So the two daughters hurried, hardly breathing, the two muses emerged in the world of the living. In a place once filled with love and light, they found the child, wounded from the fight.

Act III – Honour turns to horror / Monarch of Hell

Now they were three on this journey of tragedy. The muses told him of the gift in his soul, a way to fend off his perilous agony, one that is worthy of its toll.

With quill and blood he wrote, but never ceased to wonder: where is the colour and where is the note? Doubts slowly started ruining his mind asunder.

“Unneeded or unwanted am I? I break down for no reason why. As if cursed was this gift weighing me down, As if fate itself wanted me fall and drown.“

The muses looked at each other anxiously, to them he was still like a family. They revealed fate’s curse, unknown to him, laments turned his feelings dark and grim.

-

Fate has won both the battle and war, swept away his hopes with no remorse. When there was no place to go anymore, the child shut himself behind iron doors.

There his mind fell into dark depths into hatred, lust and laments. No more did he wish to live and create, no more time to waste, no more time to wait. “There’s a battle to be waged once again, this time all my anger I shall unleash along with pain! Brace yourself fate, I will tear apart your wings! You will regret the day you moved my strings. And should I die, I care not. Life never was the place I sought. Death walks with me as a friend, who sees to it that I shall end with a smile on my soul and face as I slay the one who upon me bestowed disgrace.”

Fate and the child - each other they still loathe, a war’s end needs the death of both. They have yet to cross swords and blades, and when the child´s life-light fades the Pale Lady takes them both to hell where their story I can once again tell as I did so many times before, and yet, you all read and listen without bore.

Act IV – The Chaos Walker

“Alba... heed my words, for I can no longer heed yours. I, the chaos walker of the real worlds, have lived through enough wars. Your gift I will no longer use, your ideas I will no longer follow. Find another child to abuse with your hope that brings sorrow.”

Is this what I really wish for? Anxious and uncertain chaos doth be... It is both all and every and neither, nor, a spiral of colour which no one can see.

I wish to be no more the fire that heals and water that burns, bloody peace and merciful war, the kindness given and meanness that returns, silent cry of a loud, deaf person, white pawn on a square of a black king, the remedy that will worsen and the venom that can heal everything.

Here I stand – the chaos walker. I, the child who in darkness grew older, and swore vengeance upon the thread weaver and the strong currents of fate’s river.

Years passed, tears were shed. To nought but darkness my path led. The light of my long lost heart is hidden in the words of my art.

Alba, answer me, for your cursed child became a monster most unkind. Would you let this weary soul yield as it threw away pride and kneeled?

Act V – Archdemon Faust

Many times I stumbled just to survive. My actions like thorns on a rose, will hurt those who wished to adore, and all who upon me wearily repose.

How can I ever undo my mistake? Welcoming the body and heart of a dame different from the one fated... All just to survive and keep sane...

This thorn... I don’t want her to bleed, nor by a fact that I find it not a mistake. It was to remain sane - and the same person whose name I used to take.

Perhaps it is too late for me to see another day, even if a brighter one. I had to become the evil side of nature - by losing to the truth, I have truly won.

As a demon, I’m seeing only myself. I gaze upon my own needs neglected, and mercilessly follow what it needs to have one’s life corrected. And now less than a human I am called? The same shadows we all bear inside; what they suppress and neglect I decided to no longer hide.

Tempered by confinement remade by a dystopian world; I have taken on a new name - Faust the archdemon of nature. Still I am a mirror to whom you vent, the same lover to whom you’ve curled when you realised love is just a game that gets better the further in you venture.

 Come see me in the darkness where you needn’t light to see that body gives us joy regardless of poor ugly me.

Embrace the evil of freedom where in mind you can find that we’ll get what we want and still remain in heart kind; for it is now we know what is true - the nature’s call we no longer heed. In life upon lust we want to feed, and by death, we’ll have all we need.

[omniswords]

Keep What Remains, Part IV [Gladiolus Amicitia/Reader]

“What do you think about holding onto something when you’ve lost everything else?” Remember how Gladio mentioned getting a girlfriend during all those years of darkness? Here’s how that happened. Spoilers up to Chapter 13 of the game, so proceed with caution!

Part I | Part II | Part III

“A few days” passed sluggishly. Waiting time always did. It was always as if the universe knew exactly what you were anticipating and slowed time itself—then kicked it back into turbo drive so that the moment left quicker than it came. Maybe it was telling you to savor the in-betweens as much as the times you all but hinged your life on. But you didn’t know. You couldn’t read the universe. You could only guess at ends of it.

Not that you had much to savor, anyway. There were still students who needed help, and books that wanted to be read, and a routine that demanded to be followed. And the more you stuck to routine, the more you wondered what it would be like to not have to stick to routine. To have a life where you woke up every day not knowing what kind of adventure would be waiting at your door, or once you stepped outside it. To live in phases that were more than just civilian days or bullet points on a To Do list, concrete or imagined.

You could think of a handful of people who’d have a few choice words to say about that, and of course, one of them was Gladio. Hell, he practically lived that life already, to the point that you knew exactly what he’d tell you if he caught wind that you’d even entertained the thought. Things about how it wasn’t the adventure you’d always read about, how the daemons out there would crush you in five seconds flat, and you wouldn’t get to come back to life if someone turned your book back to Chapter One.

And, as much as it annoyed you to admit it, he was right. You weren’t a hunter of any rank. In fact, you didn’t have any training to your name beyond self-defense classes you took on Thursdays, and you were pretty sure you couldn’t suplex a Red Giant. (A goblin, maybe, but even that seemed a stretch, when your only encounter with daemons had involved driving away from them at top speed.

So maybe you wouldn’t just throw your life to the wolves and risk it every day. But you could start small.

That made the days pass a little faster. Knowing your life could begin, really change for something brighter, at any moment. Or, maybe, knowing that it already had.

———

You waited for Gladio in the one place you knew you could wait for him: the bench. But this time, instead of burying your nose in a book the way either of you usually did, you sat up straight, with the books in you lap, eyes peeled. This time, from a distance, you’d be the one keeping certain eyes out for him.

The only sad part about it, really, was the monotony. Not much about the city had changed in the last six years. Probably because it had changed so slowly that you’d missed it, or more likely because not much really had the capacity to change in that time. Maybe it could have, under any other circumstances. People could explore, live beyond these little pockets of the world.

You couldn’t remember the last time just water had rained down from the sky. It only ever came down with whatever ashy spirit the Scourge was made of, and that came down all the time. The Scourge didn’t hurt when it drifted to the ground, fluttering over clothing and skin, but it still felt like, at any moment, it could be too much. It could build up, like every bit of gil. Like someone was teetering on the edge of catching their death, just by going outside.

Gladio showed up a few moments later, eagle feathers on full display as he dabbed at his face with the hem of his muscle shirt. You thought you might have seen a bit of a scar on his abdomen, but your eyes could have been tricking you, too. Besides, it wouldn’t have been all that unusual, all things considered.

He wasn’t grinning as he approached you. It wasn’t that he looked terrible. He just didn’t look spectacular, either. He all but collapsed next to you on the bench, sprawled out with his arm slung along the back of it while he looked up and tiredly waved the Scourge away. “What’s up, Buttercup?” he said, heaving a sigh.

“Rough day?” you shot back, sparing him a glance. The poor guy seemed like he’d barely slept since he’d called you. Since he’d last left, really. But he managed a laugh, as breathless and exhausted as he looked, and shifted so his arm found purchase around your shoulders instead. An insistent little pull had you leaning against his side, comforted by solid muscle and the scent of a body wash with a spice you couldn’t place.

(Well, he might not have slept much, but at least he’d found a place to shower.)

Gladio didn’t say anything for a while. Didn’t look at you, either. He only held you there—loose enough to let you go if you needed to, but firm enough to tell you he needed a body. Whether it was yours or another’s was an entirely different matter. “It’s good to see you,” he finally said when that while had ended, his fingertips stroking a lazy trail up and down your arm.

“Now who’s acting like we’re married?” Your voice was soft, but teasing, and even then, you moved a little closer, pressed a little more flush. Gladio didn’t speak, but the gentle jolt of his chest told you he was holding back a laugh, and he laid his cheek on top of your head.

Maybe this was one of those subtle homecoming moments. It wasn’t a hunter scooping their child up in a hug or getting tackled to the ground by their dog; it wasn’t someone returning from a long journey to dip their lover in a kiss without caring who saw. It was quiet. It spoke of a pause. It betrayed, maybe, more to come.

Two almost-ordinary people in the night, again.

“So what’s this ‘place nearby’ you keep talking about?” you asked him. You were close enough to press your ear to his chest, to find solace in the steady thud of his heart.

Gladio hummed thoughtfully; it buzzed against your ear. “It’s a secret,” he finally said.

“Is it a secret because it’ll put me in danger, or because I’ll get upset and offer you a place to crash, which you ultimately won’t take because you’re ‘too gentlemanly for that kind of thing?’”

“Y’know what? That first one sounds good and not way too specific at all.”

“Gladio!”

“Okay, okay,” he said with a groan. “I give. It’s just the Leville.”

“That’s not so bad.”

“Lemme rephrase that,” he said. “It’s the armchair in the lobby of the Leville. Look, I can explain—”

You froze, sitting up straight to face him; he was already giving you a look that said, I knew you’d react like that. But why wouldn’t you? You had a perfectly good space to accommodate him, and here he’d been refusing that because he placed gallantry above comfort? “You’re taking my bed,” you said, with little room for argument, as you got to your feet and extended a hand to him.

Of course he found that little room. He would. “I’m not taking your bed.”

“Then at least the couch.”

“I’m a big guy, Buttercup.”

“It’s a big couch, Gladio.” It wasn’t, but you weren’t about to let that stop you.

Gladio sighed. “You’re not gonna budge on this, are you.”

“Nope.”

He closed his eyes, either weighing his options or praying—or both—and pushed himself to his feet once he opened them. “Just tonight,” he said, in a voice that added, and that’s final. “I’m leaving for Leide in the morning.”

“Just for tonight,” you agreed, taking his hand and leading the way, and he fell into step with you soon enough. As an equal instead of a guard.

———

You weren’t sure what it would be like to have Gladio in your apartment for the first time. Any time you thought about it had been less about him in your home and more about him being in front of you when he was too far away to be. But he didn’t seem to make a big deal about it, beyond the occasional leftover insistence that he’d be all right at the Leville. He must have taken your silence to mean you still weren’t budging, because all he did as soon as you unlocked the door was follow your suit.

It was kind of comical how he had to duck his head just to get inside. He stepped out of his boots and left them by the door as he walked in, and hung against the wall while you set to searching for a spare pillow and blanket. And he looked around like he wanted to take in that this was the safety he left you to every night he walked you home.

“Have you eaten?” you asked; you were halfway inside a closet, straining for a pillow. You wouldn’t have been surprised if he hadn’t heard you.

“Yeah, I ate.”

“Really ate?”

His socks muffled his footsteps as he made his way over to you, and you braced yourself in case he decided to spontaneously pick you up again. But he didn’t; he only stood behind you, reaching over you to grab the pillow from the top shelf. “Yeah,” he said as he held the pillow out to you, then tucked it under his arm when you refused it. “Would I lie to you?”

“Jury’s still out.” You gave him a grin that you hoped seemed familiar to him, and joined him on the couch once he’d settled up there and patted the empty space next to where he sat. “Look what I found, though,” you went on, nodding toward a globe-shaped device and setting it on the coffee table.

Gladio raised an eyebrow. “What is it?”

Without a word, you rose to shut the lights off, flipping a switch on the globe’s stand, and your ceiling and walls flickered to life almost instantly with pinpricks of light. It seemed that Gladio didn’t need to say anything either. He only sat up a little straighter, and his eyes went a little wider, lips parted in wonder as his gaze flitted around. You always figured that Gladio carried himself a little too heavily for any part of him to flit, but maybe he could if he’d been seized enough by something outside of him. Or within him. It was hard to tell.

“I got it from one of the shops,” you explained. “I used to have one back home, but I couldn’t bring it with me. Cause it wasn’t an ‘essential,’ and all. It’s not exactly the same, but close enough.” You were huddled at the opposite end of the couch, sometimes watching the lights, sometimes watching him, and you might have moved closer if you didn’t think it would disturb him. Or if you were just a little braver.

“I can’t remember the last time I saw the stars for real,” you admitted, before you went quiet and let yourself get as lost in the lights as he was.

He pulled you close again, after a moment—a soft but emphatic tug on your wrist that had you inching toward him, nestled against his side. He didn’t need to say anything; it was all fine as it was, with his hand at your waist and your head at his chest. Like this was more than enough to question what went wrong so long ago.

“Got you a souvenir,” he mumbled, words that you felt more than heard.

“What?” you laughed. “A voretooth fang on a leather strap?”

Gladio laughed, too, though it wasn’t as heart, and rummaged through one of his jacket pockets. He pulled out a tightly-closed fist, unraveling each fingers as if uncovering his soul.

You blinked a couple of times at his open palm before lifting your gaze to meet his. “A dog tag?”

He only nodded, letting the pendant dangle from its chain; it glittered in all that starlight, and he made no move to lower it into your hands. “Figured you should have it. Or at least, keep it safe for me. It means more to you, and, well.” He shrugged. “The thing might not mean much to me, but you keeping it does. So would you?”

Neither of you was looking at the other, only beyond, and you came to focus on the dog tag again. It was still swaying there, and the way it moved made it hard to read the inscription on it. “Is that how you feel about your life sometimes?” you asked, your voice just barely above a whisper.

“Like what?” he said.

“Like it should mean nothing to you and everything to someone else. To me.”

If there were any light in Gladio’s eyes, it had gone out then; his fingers were still curled around the chain. “Can I put it on you?” he asked instead.

You didn’t answer, only scooted forward and jammed your hands in your lap, your eyes on his. All those questions. All that silence.

Gladio didn’t say anything else as his arms looped over your head, and his touch was gentle, if battle-callused. Warm, compared to the cold of the chain, and reluctant to pull away. Even afterward, he kept his hands on your shoulders, just enough firm to reassure you—or himself—of reality.

On further examination, the pendant was heavily polished and glinted in the light as if it had been made only recently. Stamped on the front of it, in all capital letters, was his first name and last initial, with his date of birth just below. “Gladiolus A.,” you read out loud, squinting to read the small font. “You never told me your last name started with an A. Thought you said it was like… Hester, or something.”

Gladio paled.

Your heart sank, the pendant suddenly heavy in your palm. “Guess the jury’s not out about the lying thing anymore.”

“I can explain—”

“Can you?” Your voice was eerily even; you weren’t sure if that would hurt more than yelling.

“Look, you just.” Gladio sighed, pulling his legs up onto the couch. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“Then make me understand.” The tag warmed up in your grip, felt a little lighter with your words. “If you’re gonna entrust this to me, then don’t I deserve to know the truth about it? About you?”

There was a stray lock of hair caught under the chain, and Gladio reached forward to brush it away from your neck. Your breath hitched at his touch, and you held it until he pulled his hand back, and in that moment, neither of you broke eye contact. Like you’d shared souls without sharing words.

“You’re right,” he finally said, a low rumble in his throat. “You’re right. But not tonight.”

“Why not tonight?”

“Because it’s too much to dump on you and then just. Leave you to think about.” He shook his head. “I’m not gonna do that to you when you deserve better.”

“And what if something happens to you in Leide? What if you don’t come back?” You folded your arms, voice matching his volume. “Then you’ll have left me with too many questions, instead of too many answers.”

“Nothing’s gonna happen to me in Leide.”

“How can you be so sure?”

The light had come back to Gladio’s eyes, hard and determined, unmoving like the rest of him. “Because I’m not allowed to die yet.”

———

That had been a week ago. A week of good morning and good night text messages, a week of sparse, ten-minute phone calls. A week of work on your part, and hunts on his. The quietest week you’d had since you met him.

The morning Gladio left, he knocked on your door and woke you up a few hours before your alarm was supposed to go off, reassuring you of his presence with a soft, “Hey.” It was hard to see the outline of him in the half-asleep dark, and you needed a moment to remember he’d even stayed the night to begin with.

“Didn’t wanna go without saying goodbye,” he mumbled, hanging by the doorway as if waiting to be invited in.

You beckoned him over, turned on the bedside lamp and rubbed the sleep from your eyes, wondering if he’d gotten any himself. “Don’t go yet,” you said. “Got something for you.”

How you remembered when you were half-awake, you still didn’t know. Maybe it was because you’d thought of it too often right before falling asleep. But you padded over to living room, where you’d left your bag to lie limply against the couch. After a moment of rummaging through it, you fished out the books you’d cradled so carefully the night before and held them out to him. “The third book in the series, and that poetry collection you kept reading in the store. So you’re not stuck reading the same stuff over and over again.” You yawned. “Don’t say no. Just give them back when you’re done with them.”

In that quiet span of time, Gladio weighed the two books in his hand light he was weighing the worth of souls—and maybe he was. But he tucked them away in a satchel and gathered you up in his arms. No warning, again. “Come on, Buttercup,” he said. “Back to bed.” And you weren’t about to protest. Not when he let you hug him the whole way there.

“Don’t die,” you told him, hazy and well on your way back to sleep. “If you die I’ll have to kill you.”

It was kind of a blessing, how one of the last things you heard from Gladio was his tired, molten-gold laugh. “I’m not gonna die,” he said.

“You can’t.”

“I can’t.”

He had the courtesy to wait until you fell asleep to leave—and, as you noticed when you later woke up alone, to close and lock all the doors behind him. But he didn’t have the courtesy—or maybe the impertinence, in his mind—to touch you goodbye. No lingering thumb on the cheek or across the forehead, no squeeze of the shoulder or hand, no brush of his lips on your existence.

You had to wonder what it would have been like if he had. If it would have meant anything beyond a see you soon.

It couldn’t have. He couldn’t do anything about it besides.

Still, the city felt more absent with him gone: short two books and a man who thought he was nothing and everything in this forsaken place. There was an in-betwen you couldn't savor here. The streets were the wrong kind of weightless. The floorboards in the bookshop didn’t creak the way you remembered—or maybe you were merely projecting about that. All the weight hunt instead in the dog tag around your neck, which you turned over and over in your fingers when you thought of him, rereading the name from time to time.

Gladiolus A. An explanation in every etch. A story in every light it caught.

And, to top it off, someone had taken his spot on the bench.

To be fair, it wasn’t really his spot; it didn’t have his name written on it the way the tag did (and even then, the tag was still technically in your hands). But it didn’t feel right, for a body to replace his so easily, so soon after.

Habit had you walking there, you knew. Maybe a longing you should have sent out the door with him. And of course they worked together to push your heart deep in the pit of your stomach when you saw someone else sitting there. But they looked exhausted, liked they’d only just straggled into town and needed as little as a hot meal and a water bottle to get by. Who were you to deny someone that if you could afford to give it to them?

The figure looked up as you approached—at the ready, limbs tense. If you could see nerves, theirs might have steeled. “I’m sorry, I can’t help…” they began, voice feather-light but void of energy or emotion, and then stopped. And their eyes, a brilliant brown in the streetlight, went wide. “It’s… you.”

And so did yours. “Iris?”

[fantasticalscholar-blog]

Homebrew Jobs: Summoner, Merchant, Freelancer, and Scholar!

[TITLE HAS BEEN EDITED]

Howdy folks! Hope you’re all having a lovely Monday! Mine’s been a bit crazy so far, but I’ve been super excited all day for this: posting some homebrew jobs for FFD6!

Each of these jobs was formatted as similarly as I could to those in the PDF, BUT; if you see anything missing, or if you see a discrepancy of sorts, please let me know! Now then! ONTO JOBS!

~ ~ ~

Summoner: Often clothed in green or bearing a horn upon their head, these spell casters pack a punch! Though they may be able to dabble in other magical fields, Summoners without a doubt are the best to turn to when dealing with Espers. But whether calling upon an adorable Moogle/Chocobo to aid in combat, or the impenetrable Alexander, Summoners can turn the tide of, and even end battle within mere moments.

Innate Ability: Arcane Evocation - This allows the user to expend MP instead of Destiny points to call forth Summons! Pretty neato!

Starting Weapons: Arcane

Starting Armor: Light

Role Suggested: DPS, Tank*

That is, so long as the Summoner may quickly evoke a Summoned Creature

Job Introduced: FF III

Quick Overview and Notes:

 Summoners tend to be later bloomers, as their primary source of damage and magic output is dependent on what summons are available to the party. As such, it’s probably a good idea to ensure the player is able to, or has the opportunity to try and call forth one such Summoned Creature early on. In the mean time, making sure to keep that MND stat high to increase overall MP pools and PWR to bolster most Esper attacks is a good investment for players. Of course, it never hurts to put some points into RES to help remedy the comparatively low HP Summoner’s have.

Further, GM’s might best benefit from limiting the amount of Espers a Summoner may call in certain circumstances, but then again, the sheer amount of MP or Destiny cost is probably a deterrent for the most part. Just ensure and remind Summoners that they can only have a single Summon Appear once per battle. Finally, it may behoove GM’s to arm some bosses with the Time Spell, ‘X Zone’ so as they can automatically dismiss incredibly lethal Summons.

~ ~ ~

Merchant: It’s a rich man’s world, after all! If you enjoy swindling your foes and making some SERIOUS Bank, Merchant is the way to go! But don’t worry; these vicious vendors can spend ridiculous amounts of money to totally lay waste to monsters! Ready to spend the big bucks?

Innate Ability: Show Me the Money! - Increase the amount of Gil received for the entire party by 1.5X the amount originally offered, whether dropped by foes, finding loose change, and sometimes even opening treasures!

Starting Weapons: Reach, Concealed, Huge

Starting Armor: Light, Medium

Role Suggested: DPS, Support, Utilitarian

Job Introduced:  FF: The 4 Heroes of Light

Quick Overview and Notes:

I don’t think I have too much to talk about for Merchants; in particular, I would say that a player should focus on is first accumulating vast amounts of wealth so they can use their entire repertoire to their fullest potential. Seems logical, yeah? Well, stick to that; sell all you can, and get ready to rake in the cash.

But Merchants not only mean a lot of wealth incoming for the Party; with their ability Call to Order, they can help serve as a solid secondary Support party member, able to quickly acquire precious healing items.

GM’s; just make sure to go by your ruling whether or not a Merchant can make some Gil off of some poor hapless creature, and whether or not itd’ be logical.

~ ~ ~

Freelancer: With the wind at your back and your spirit full of adventure, the world is your oyster! Pathfinder tend not to deal a lot of damage in combat, but they make up for this with their incredible AVD stat and abilities to prevent getting hit altogether! If you’re of person kind that’s plagued with wanderlust and merely wishes to see the world, this Job is for you!

Innate Ability: Dabbler - You can take on two additional Shared Job Abilities with Dabbler! Just make sure that you stay a Freelancer, though.

Starting Weapons: Blade, Concealed, Reach, Ranged

Starting Armor: Light

Role Suggested: Utilitarian, Support

Job Introduced: FF III

Quick Overview and Notes:

I’ll iterate it again; Freelancers don’t really have a lot of combat capabilities, sans them being incredibly difficult to hit. For this reason, a player will probably want a particular taste for adventure, more so than fighting. But that doesn’t mean that Freelancer’s have to sit out; I highly encourage a player who looks into Freelancer often try to use the Job’s maneuverability to their advantage.

GM’s; with the Freelancer having many abilities (like Do-Si-Do and Scaredy Cat) that allow them to move short distances around the battlefield, it may behoove you to have some method of monitoring combatant position’s. Further, abilities like Internal Compass, Diving Rod, and the Limit Ability, Flee the Reaper should be closely monitored and discussed.

~ ~ ~

Scholar: Brilliant minds hired to lead and instruct armies, Scholars combine the eloquence of education with martial dominance. Courageous field commanders, Scholars are best known for analyzing their foes, and discovering how to utterly decimate opposing forces. Do NOT get on a Scholar’s bad side!

Innate Ability: Scan -  Bad guys have got nothing to hide! Automatically gain privy to your enemy’s current HP, and gain the ability to cast Libra and Libraga (once per session).

Starting Weapons: Blade, Brawl, Concealed, Ranged, Reach

Starting Armor: Light, Medium

Role Suggested: DPS, Support

Job Introduced: FF III

Quick Overview and Notes:

From the get-go, all Scholar abilities deal with combat. They are most certainly not Skill Monkey Utilitarians. HOWEVER, all of the bonuses granted inside combat are stackable, so you can create a pretty potent batch of buffs for the entire party so long as there’s a Scholar on the Field.

GM’s; just make sure to keep the Scholar’s responsible for their own buffs, or suggest a sort of system to help them keep track of everything. Otherwise, have lots of fun dealing with these smarties!

~ ~ ~

And there you have it! My first four Homebrew Jobs for FFD6!

I’ll go ahead and post the link to the link to the Google Doc that has all of their abilities and stats listed riiiight....

HERE. HERE IS THE LINK TO ALL OF THE NEW JOBS : D!

So hopefully, if the abilities and stats all look cool, a daring GM may feel confident enough to allow an interested player or perhaps make an NPC with one of these Jobs!

If, for whatever reason, you’d like to contact me about translating these Jobs into another system, so say, Pathfinder, Call of Cthulu, or whatever you kids are playing now days, let me know! I’d be happy to collaborate!

Finally, I thank you all for stopping by, and would love to hear feedback if you have any!

Have a good evening y’all! Ciao ~ Ryan

~ ~ ~

Credits to:

The Final Fantasy Wikia, where I procured the images of:

Refia, from the FF III remake as a Summoner

Ringabel and Edea, from Bravely Default, as Merchants

Bartz, from FF V and depicted in Dissidia 012, in his Freelancer outfit.

Harley, from FF IV: The After Years, in a Scholarly outfit!

And to the user Vesper S on Youtube; I credit with compiling the video I snuck in somewhere in this post ; 3~ (I swear, I had NO idea that Yuna was going to pop up!)

[itdisneymatter]

Day 02 - Epcot

TLDR: Epcot. A slightly later start today though a pretty full and non stop day once we began. Spaceship Earth up first, squeezed into the Ellen's Energy Adventure, then Test Track with a touch of competitive spirit. Living with the Land, Circle of Life and then Soarin’ in quick succession. Finished off with the new ride - Frozen Ever After and decided to skip out on World Showcase in favour of heading straight to Miller's Alehouse for my first proper meal of the trip. Walmart, then home, early (earlier).

The future is what you make it!

Sooo Robert had been unimpressed by the shops we had visited to far, mainly because they didn’t stock Pokemon cards. With the thunderstorms last night, we promised we visit Walmart first thing, which we did prior to picking up my Mum & Dad for Epcot. That meant skipping breakfast. Again. Picked up a wee rucksack so we could carry around all our rain jackets and little extras. Robert got his Pokemon cards and Gracie managed to find yet another collectable in the form of Hatchimal miniatures. Patrick and I had been speaking prior to the holiday about another card collection called Magic: The Gathering, but neither me nor him knew much about them. He picked up a starter pack to have a look. As someone who like his RPG and Fantasy things, I was a little intrigued. I dont think it will take Patrick long to become an expert.

Swung back around to pick up my Mum and Dad who were waiting for us at their Hotel with coffee in hand - result! The other party (which I'll cover in just a sec), were heading to Mass first and planned to catch us up at Epcot when they were done. So let me backtrack a little and explain who is actually all here as I havent yet done so and were already two days in - thats just impolite, so sorry.

Fifeteen of us in total. First off we have our wee family of five, Me, Ann, Patrick, Robert & Grace - Ive went on at length about all of us at some point in the past - yeah, you know who we are. Then its my mum and dad, Sadie & Wullie, Orlando veterans and all round great parents. My brother Michael is up next, with Sarah Jane, Corrie, Alessio and their wee baby who recently had her first birthday - Isabella. And finally we have my sister Pauline with Kevin & Emily. Both Emily and Isabella are first timers to Orlando and all things Disney, so makes it an extra special visit. Ourselves and my parents share the first car, My brother, sister and their families share the second. I'll refer to the latter as 'the other party' at times but this is entirely for brevity. Now, back to the story...

We ended up getting to Epcot around 10:30 which was right in time for our first Fast Pass - Spaceship Earth. A big slow moving train through the anals of Civilization, located in the big multi-faceted ball that Epcot is renowned for. Y'know its a fairly simple ride and I've done this it a fair few times now, but this like many others, never ceases to amaze me. If you've ever seen Inside Out, I imagine this whole place to be a core memory and have its own wee island somewhere in the depths of my brain, churning out little orbs of Joy. If you haven't seen Inside Out, then all of what I've just said will sound really really weird, but trust me - go watch it. Good start to the day!

Hey You Guys! 

Next we checked out Test Track but it was down for some unknown reason, so grabbed some coffee and pastries will we waited for the other party (that being, oh wait right we did that already, didn't we?). By the wonders of Whatsapp and Feel at Home from Three (shameless plug), Kev let us know that they'd arrived and we arranged to met them back at the entrance. We'd coordinated our t-shirts today, those being our new Celtic Champions 6-in-a-row tee :) which made it real easy to spot them. On the subject of attire, zipped pockets - how amazing are they? I know I sound like I'm getting old, but they're definitely the way to go if you're on holiday!

Ann really hurt her eye over the course of the morning and it was progressively getting worse as time went on. I suggested that she patch over her eye to give it a rest, however this led me to call her One Eyed Willie, which didnt go down to well, so stopped in fear of my life (or having to walk the plank - right, sorry Ann, that was the last one, promise ;) x )

Next we headed to Ellen's Energy Adventure, a big moving cinema all about th wonders of energy hosted by the hilarious Ellen DeGeneres & Bill Nye, the science guy. Funny as well as factual too, couldnt go wrong.

Now came Test track, a ride where family loyalty went out the window as we went head to head to design the most efficient car. Super fast, fun ride and good to see the competitive spirit from everyone - even Gracie was doing a little trash talking (well she was in my team, otherwise I wouldn't have encouraged it ; ). In the end, we failed to hit top spot, but our car was easily the best looking one out the lot (all designed by my lovely co-pilot Gracie).

Scores on the doors were as follows:

Ann, Kevin & Pauline - 208 Michael, SJ & Emily- 205 Me, Dad & Grace - 204 Patrick, Robert & Corrie - 156 (who intially claimed 226 - what a bunch 'a chancers!)

All  in all great fun and everyone loved it (especially Gracie who wanted go back on it straight away).

Living With The Land Fast Pass (on the other side of the park) up next, which we made it with 5 minutes to spare. Nice boat ride about farming and such (seriously) with Patrick even enquiring about the Behind The Scenes tour (or Behind The Seeds as they called it) - he just loves learning new things! He also managed to spot 2 hidden Mickeys on the ride (thats disguised Mickey symbols all over the Disney parks) -  so well done PG!

Quick stop at The Circle Of life, a wee environmental film featuring The Lion King's Simba, Timon & Pumba, which began with the song of the same name. That song gives me goosebumps every single time! *shudder*

After that was Soarin', which we had passes for, but everyone wanted to ride so meant we had to split up into two groups, one to watch Isabella while the other went on the ride. While we were waiting to ride (with views of an cool looking India Jones-esque style journey being mapped out on the screen before us), Robert asked the attendant out of the blue if we could get in the first row - good ole Ro! :)

This ride was Epic - its the only word to describe it. Flying through the air, over different landmarks of the world aking in hugs vistas, they even had different smells. Everyone loved it and even my Dad rearked it was the best ride yet as we walked off the ride.

Do you wanna build a snowman?

During the wait and switch-over of groups we came to the decision that the five of us and my mum and dad would head home after the last ride and try getting a proper bite to eat when it was a little quieter, whilst, Pauline, Michael & Co would remain in the park and finish off the remaining rides.

So onward it was to Frozen Ever After, Epcot's newest ride based on the extremely popular Disney movie and set in Norway (well Epcot's mini representation of Norway on their World Showcase). On our way, we bumped into Pluto (the dog, not the planet-oid-y thing), so used the opportunity to grab our first character autograph! Kids were really excited! There was a Disney Photo-pass photographer there too so managed to get some nice groups shots (except for ours, so had to use one of my own photos here as a backup).

The ride was a great little boat trip through the Kingdom of Arendelle with Anna and Elsa (who is my favourite princess without red hair, ok ok, she isnt really a princess, yeah I know, but still). Even the Snow-gies made an appearance! And with the ride came another ride photo from the Memory Maker - excellent! :D The kids loved it and Emily was skipping out of the ride singing Let It Go at the top of her voice! :)

So we said our goodbyes and left the other party then, who planned to continue their travels around the World Showcase and possibly grab Spaceship Earth, which they missed, on the way out. The World Showcase is an awesome thing, but I think the allure of a hearty meal after a long day was far too tempting for us.

We headed straight to Miller's Alehouse from the park in an attempt to avoid the queues and wait times... which we did! However once we were seated and after a quick scan of the menu - the Snow Crab that Gracie had set her heart on to share with me was no longer on the menu - she was more gutted than me! :( In its place I opted for a nice wee Flat Iron Steak & Coconut Shrimp combo, which was awesome. Grace and Ann chose to share the 35 Shrimp menu item (which was 35 shrimps funnily enough) and Grace inhaled about 18 of them. Man, that girl loves her seafood! The Nacho starter that Ann thought she might need however was an absolute mountain and in the end, defeated all of us (its really big enough for two peeps to share as a main meal if Im being honest). The food and menu options in the place are second to none so were definitely planning a return visit in the next few days with our entire group!

A second trip to Walmart rounded off the day in order that we could take a slightly more relaxed look at what they had to offer. The last time I was here I picked up some amazing Cinnamon Pecan coffee, but alas they appeared to no longer stock it or any equivalent. The boys picked up more trading cards, Grace picked up more Hatchimals and we got a variety of non-essential items including a Star Wars decal for the car, a Pecan pie (obviously I have a thing for Pecans) and some Harley Quinn Comics (and I have a thing for her too ; ). Had a look at the laptops too, which were ridiculously cheap, so toying with the idea of picking one up, but Ill need to do some in-depth investigations first.

Rest day on the cards for tomorrow with shopping planned in the am, so should a relatively quiet one. I'm kinda looking forward to it in all honesty, following the two successful but extremely packed days we've all had.

[janto-nassimi]

Warsinger: Eternity

Warsinger IV

Running Hot

Survival

One day before the jungle assault...

If you flip a coin, you have about as good a chance of predicting what a human will tell you about the gods as any other method. To some, the gods are ancient history. The ability to worship them is one reason we fought the White Mantle over two hundred years ago, sure, but that’s just a footnote in history. That war also placed the line of Doric back on the throne, which lasts today. It’s a very real part of our daily lives. The effect is something we can still see.

To others, it’s a matter of faith. The gods were once very active, we’re told, and today they still grant us boons we simply cannot see. But they’re there in battle, beside our grave, in every gust of wind and behind every mask. But that’s never been for me.

I’ve always had a complicated relationship with faith. When you take the gods out of it, using that word sounds hopelessly sappy. I have faith in you. I have faith we’ll win. We just have to believe in ourselves. That sort of thing. But faith is more than that. It’s real. Any soldier who has survived the battlefield will tell you that the more numbers you add to a fight, the less an individual’s skill matters. What counts is cohesion, it’s the way you and your fellow soldiers can operate together.

What counts is you knowing the man next to you will do his job right if you do yours. That’s faith. As a 35-year-old… I don’t know — a 35-year-old something, I’ve got a long list of failures. And at the heart of every one of them is a moment when I lost faith.

These were my quiet thoughts as I sat in my once busy PI office on the Melandru High Road in the citadel of Divinity’s Reach. My time as a PI was behind me, ultimately a brief chapter in my life.

I’d cleaned the dust off the desk my feet were propped up on, and as I faced the closed door with guitar in hand I balanced my wooden chair on the back two legs. The chair was an old, wooden thing, and that’s why I liked it. I just wished I had somewhere else to keep it.

Dust still covered the other desk in the corner, as well as shelves of old books, notes and journals. A smattering of asura equipment in the corner was the only fixture that seemed clean.

The song I was softly strumming did nothing to brighten the room. It was something I’d heard from the hylek when I sailed to Orr. A low, rumbling dirge for the fallen.

At least the sword I’d propped up against the wall seemed immune to grime as it glowed with a supernatural blackness. The pommel was a black gem, and the crossguard was a gaudy mess of black wings and red magic. But the long blade was something great and powerful. It shimmered like a pool of water, but reflected only the night sky. Some called it Twilight, and that named seemed to fit as well as any other.

Twilight wasn’t the sort of weapon I was ordinarily interested in using, but I had been ordered to have it ready just in case. It was time for war, and the enemy was powerful and ancient.

A black and red ink began to flow from Twilight until it created a small pool from which grew the wispy image of a woman dressed in a traveler’s vest and heavy breaches. The spirit considered me with a motherly expression before drifting through the air to lounge across my desk. Her knees arched as though to avoid my feet, but misted around them.

“You shouldn’t play that alone,” Nasrin said. I’d named the old spirit after Inasis Nassimi’s long dead mother. At the time, Inasis wasn’t my lover, and the sentiment had felt more appropriate.

I watched Nasrin for a moment while she propped her ghost head on her ghost palm. The mist that formed her body splashed on impact.

“I like it,” I said.

“You feel obligated.”

When I stopped playing and let go of the guitar in my lap it made a sharp, scratching sound. Nasrin winced, and I reached under my shirt to fish out a pale blue orb bound to the chain that held my old Seraph tags. Mist swirled within the orb, but every so often I caught the image of an Oakheart. It had been the power that infused a legendary longbow that once sprouted pink and white flowers, and created magic arrows. Now it just gave off an aura of sorrow to match my own.

Tindorin had called it Yolaru. He was dead now.

I released Yolaru and pressed my left thumb into my right palm to massage it.

“You should play with someone else,” Nasrin said. “The sylvari. Magnolia.”

“We’ve talked about it.”

“You do a lot of that, lately.”

That made me scowl at her, but she was right. I was stuck just talking about a lot, not only playing with Magnolia. I’d talked about marrying Inasis, about trying to give an actual purpose to my guild, Mithril Lantern, about a hundred acts of justice that needed to be carried out. But the world kept moving, the dragons keep coming, and so much gets left behind lately. I feel like I’m just treading water.

“How are the other spirits?” I asked, leaning my head toward the Twilight.

“Better. One or two move on every few weeks,” she said.

“What about you?”

She sat up and folded her arms over her chest. “I will when I’m ready,” she said. “You shouldn’t blame yourself.”

“It’s my fault.” I couldn’t say it louder than a whisper. Tindorin had been a light in a dark world. Like the hero from a storybook, the sylvari would appear when he was needed most, and would never falter. With him, it was simple. Good was… good. He once came to my rescue when I thought I was lost to torture, and I never forgot the righteousness in his heart, or the indignation in his sword.

He was the kind of sylvari who would have sooner died than let the Nightmare take him. And he did.

“I thought you learned better than this when you and I first met.”

Nasrin was right, but I didn’t listen. Instead I propped my guitar up against the wall and shuffled my feet off the desk, sending her misty form scattering for an instant. The room was silent except for the clacking of metal parts as I suited up, not in my Exemplar’s uniform, but in my own armor. I strapped my swordbelt on last, but left Twilight where it rested.

“One last mission before we fly to war,” I said. “Keep an eye on things here for me.”

<page break>

Lion’s Arch was no longer the hodgepodge of rotting ships and crumbling bricks the pirates who lorded over it had let it become. It had taken the invasion of a maniacal Nightmare courtier, an army, and a flying drill right through the city’s heart, to make the Captain’s Council decide to take their responsibility seriously. I only wish it hadn’t taken an avoidable massacre to wake them up.

Reports indicate they had plenty of warning before Scarlett attacked, but once the city was in ruins, they had built over top of it. If I didn’t know they were too incompetent to plan so far ahead, I’d say that was the plan all along.

With the help of The Consortium, an asura-styled business that had once taken advantage of a number of refugees, Lion’s Arch rivaled the architecture of Ebonhawk. It hadn’t been rebuilt with the consideration of Divinity’s Reach, but smooth, stone bridges, streets and squares divided blocks of fort-like houses. There were still the cramped apartments built inside the hulls of ships, but at least they had been moved inside the safety of cliffsides.

The crisp sea breeze carried in a tropical scent, and the odor of fish. Mixed with spiced foods and the banging of distant, busy forges, it was a unique atmosphere found nowhere else in Tyria. Right out a plaza guarding the Asura Gates, I was met by the cries of hawkers, and the shouts of adventurers looking for another good armsman or magic user. But none of it was my concern today.

I was inconspicuous without my gold and blue uniform, just another warrior in a sea of adventurers that moved about the city, some with purpose, others with unharnessed wanderlust.

I escaped the crowd by ducking down an alleyway into one what was once one of the oldest neighborhoods of the city. One either side of the alley were the giant stone bricks of new businesses. The one on the left stood where the section of an old cargo ship had once been before Scarlett smashed it to dust. It had also once been the site of a home I shared with my wife almost 10 years ago.

There were fewer people on the next street I turned on, and even less of them appeared to be travelers. For the most part, these locals minded their own business and paid me no mind. Two men sat in front of a general store talking about taxes on the Black Lion Trading Company, a laborer pushed an assortment of tools home on a wheelbarrow, and a strong armed housewife paused from sweeping dust out her front door to shield her eyes from the setting sun and inspect the scaffolding of continuing construction overhead.

My destination would be at an old tavern one block over, with the back facing an alleyway. I was supposed to meet with two other exemplars stationed in the city and help carry home the ornate cascabel of a cannon that dated back nearly to the searing. An elementalist had apparently managed to craft it in such a way that it would infuse magic into volleys. If we were about to join the Pact on a frontal assault into Maguuma Jungle, we’d bring with all the firepower we could.

Apparently we had worked with the Order of Whispers in acquiring the cascabel from a pirate captain in the swamps south of Lion’s Arch. He had taken to calling it The Bandersnatch. They weren’t my favorite group to party with. In fact, I’ve often wondered if they’ll betray us all as soon as the dragons are dealt with. They were formed by a foreign power, after all.

I’d heard some concerns about the Pact’s plan. It was always dangerous to put all of your eggs in one basket, but a frontal assault with overwhelming firepower was hard to say no to, especially when your enemy was mired in a massive jungle with the ability to carve tunnels on a whim. I could only imagine the nightmare of fighting that campaign on the ground, especially with a seemingly endless supply of enemies that had literally no compunction about dying for the cause. Orr had been hell enough.

Instead of turning into the most direct alley I took an extra block to make my way around the front of the tavern and have a look. The Two Leaping Hares was built out of scrap and driftwood after the destruction of Lion’s Arch, and even though it had since been abandoned, it still stood by some miracle. The windows were boarded up, and the front door seemed fused into the frame by a mess of nails. I didn’t walk too close to the building, but I got close enough to tell there was no one inside. At least, no one I could hear.

I circled the block again and entered the alley. Half way down, I found the descending staircase that lead to The Two Leaping Hares’ back door. Slumped against the wooden door were the bodies of a man and a woman, each dressed as beggars. Dressed, because with them lying in a dead pile it was easy to spot the way their pistols pressed against their rags from underneath. I couldn’t say if they were Whispers or exemplars without a thorough look at their faces — that was time I couldn’t take.

I cast a look at the rooftops overhead. The new construction was sturdy, and it would be easy to run across them without making much noise. The rickety tavern would make plenty of noise with someone on top. That left two buildings across the alleyway, one in either direction, with clear lines of sight.

If I went right for the door I could be shot dead before I had it open. But wasting too much time in the alleyway meant that if someone had entered another way, perhaps magically, I was giving them plenty of time to escape. And I had no idea how far away reinforcements were.

“Easy, simple mission,” I muttered under my breath as I threw myself backwards so hard I stumbled across the alley and smacked into a stone wall. At least I was temporarily out of the line of sight of any shooter, thanks to the stretching, curved design of the eaves above me shaped to resemble an upside down bow of a ship.

“A bard should be more genre savvy,” I muttered.

I had just an instant to size up the door. The dust around it seemed still, so there was no easy way to spot an illusion. But that did tell me no one had been fussing around the door to set a trap. Probably. I could spot a portion of the door’s bottom between the foot and shoulder of each slain person. There was the imprint of a boot beneath the frame, but a bit old. At the very least, that meant no one had cleaned or evened things out to lay a wire. The other side of the door still left a lot to question, though, but at the very least I was reasonably sure there was nothing immediately lethal on this side.

I freed the knot on my helm and covered my head. No time to waste.

Drawing my sword, I stomped my foot into the stone ground beneath me. With a moment of acute concentration I activated an earth rune on the cuisse of my armor. A vibrant flash of brown and orange heralded the power Inasis had infused my equipment with, and a small boulder flew through the air in an invisible line I’d set by my boot.

It crashed through the door, sending splinters into the darkness and toward the ceiling, then vanished when it struck the floor. I waited only a heartbeat. No explosion. No horrible magic. Oookay. I made for the back door at a sprint, gauntlets raised to cover my head as best I could.

There were no gunshots as I rushed through into the dark tavern, and I found myself standing awkwardly in a still commons. Silence, and blades of light filtered through cracks in the wall and dirt, greeted me. The light revealed a half dozen broken tables, and a bar without a single mug. I could make out a dart board in one corner.

And then movement.

Whoever it was, they moved so subtly they seemed to disturb the light no more than the dust did. But dust didn’t cast a shadow the same way, not a solid one. I stilled my breath with purpose before I exhaled, trying to prime my senses when I drew my sword. I just needed one more good sign of movement and I’d hound the intruder.

A shiver shot up my spine at the sensation of a dagger sliding between the rim of my helmet and the back of my breastplate.

Eternity

The day of the jungle assault...

Though wrongly named, the Jade Wind was a proud Krytan vessel. She cut through the clouds with a broad, iron deck, held aloft by a balloon of heavy deldrimor silk. Blue magitech mesh fastened the balloon to the ship and its single floor below deck. It was a marvel of technology, a symbol of a changing, impressive world with fewer limits. And none of it made me feel very safe.

I had set myself aloof after leaving Twilight below deck, and leaned against the outside of the Jade Wind’s bridge. I still had a simple longsword with me, and a new pistol holster was attached to the other side of my belt. The single-shot pistol inside was primed and ready, custom fit by Murdok Blastfire to deliver an obsidian shot backed up by destroyer-powered gunpowder.

Other exemplars moved around deck - a total of six, counting me. A few leaned over the side, watching the ground rush past beneath us as we flew to join the Pact fleet. One stood alone, but not aside the way I did.

Exemplar Layla Spencer was the very image of the Shining Blade. Arms folded over her blue and gold armor, she seemed to never flinch from the wind as she stared straight ahead. She did it as though she was staring down Mordremoth herself.

With her helmet cradled under a shoulder, she bared a head of cropped brown hair barely moved. Her armor and weapons were immaculate. Her mithril sword hung from a loop on her belt, but she forewent a scabbard. Crisp white and yellow sigils marked the blade’s length, much like those on my own weapon. The Shining Blade were the guards of Her Majesty Queen Jennah, and Exemplar Spencer… if someone could ever be called the crown’s sword, it would be her.

I was no slouch, either. But I wasn’t feeling so bold. I knew these airships could be deathtraps. 

When I glanced across the deck memories flashed through my mind in a dizzy haze — memories of toxic gas and Zhaitan’s undead dragons.. It melted steel. It melted people — those who didn’t jump to their death, or who weren’t snatched up in an undead mouth. I faced it during  my second breach into Orr after barely surviving a landing party from the sea on my first arrival. The sea had been worse, but the air I still survived by luck alone. Luck, and determination. That was too commonly the case in war.

A familiar voice brought me back.

“You don’t face this alone, exemplar.” It was a green sylvari with patches of brown bark. He smiled as he set a hand on my shoulder, and it seemed to make his veins glow a subtle purple.

I returned the smile easily. I often did, but it helped that it was for a sylvari. Ever since Orr, ever since the sylvari were a light of hope in every battlefield, I’d kept an oath to treat them all as brothers and sisters.

“I know,” I said, raking in a shaky breath. “I just can’t help but remember the last time I was on an airship flying to war.”

The sylvari gave an “Mmm” sound, and glanced toward the bow of the ship.

“I wasn’t in Orr,” he said. “I wasn’t born yet.”

Damn. That made him, what, two or three years old at the most? That was far too young for war. I know sylvari are born adult, at least as best they can be, but people deserve time to make memories, and time to live. Especially sylvari. When you come prepacked with knowledge, you deserve time to carve out your own identity.

Then again, it’s not like I had ever had much time to live without violence.

“Not our ranger, then?”

I pressed my thumb into my palm. Tindorin had volunteered as a ranger for more than one mission to the front against Mordremoth in the past year. He had seen myself and other exemplars safely back from behind enemy lines numerous times.

“I am, actually,” the sylvari said. “I learned from a norn.”

He offered me his hand. “Lysander.”

“Janto Cadell. Exemplar Cadell.”

“Well, Janto Cadell, I’m not half as experienced as you, but I’ll do what I can to watch your back if you promise to keep me safe when this gets dangerous.”

I laughed, but it was pleasant and warm.

“Sure thing. You’ve got my word.”

Cowardice

Five years ago...

“Janto Adega Cadell, get out of my way.”

It was cold, and wet. It was the third straight day of rain, and we were all dirty from the mud, snow, and blood of our enemies. My friends and I were on our first mission for the Order of Whispers, sent into the mountains to help protect a village and gather information on a sickness that had been reported. A few of us had already joined up, and my lover, Aosheng, had been sent to keep an eye on us.

“What, Ao, you’re my mother now? I’m not moving, not for you or anyone else.”

I was standing in the doorway of a wooden shelter, my hands pressed against the frame on either side. No one was getting past me to where the sick were gathered. Huddled into corners and wrapped up the best they could, men, women, and children had been piled into the shelter until someone could figure out how to help them. The rest of the villagers stayed in their homes as much as possible.

“Then you’re going to end up responsible when the rest of the village dies,” Aosheng said, glaring at me from the bottom of a few wooden steps.

She was a tall woman who wore her black leathers like a second skin. She never wore a helmet or mask, and her raven hair was cut short. A Canthan woman, Aosheng wasn’t pretty, but she was fit and capable. The sword and dagger on her belt were both flat and thin, and she wielded them like no other master I had ever seen.

“If you really feel that way, then you know how to get through me,” I said. We both knew she could beat me if it came to a fight, and it wouldn’t be hard for her.

“Janto… I do not want to do that, but think about this-”

“There’s nothing to think about! They’re not dead yet, so we’re waiting. We’re giving them a damn chance.”

She stepped up to me.

“Janto. No one has found a cure for Zhaitan’s corruption. No one has come back from it. When they die, they’ll be gone like the rest. They will turn on us. We’ll be unable to protect the rest of these people.”

I stepped down to her. “We don’t know they’re all going to die. Some could make it.”

“And just be killed by the others in there with them? They must be culled.”

Cull them. Like cattle. Like animals.

“Fuck you,” I said, and swung for her.

She grabbed my arm, pivoted, and tossed me out into the mud on my ass. Aosheng stepped into the building and looked back down at me. “Stop me, Janto Cadell. Show me you really know the Order is wrong about this.”

She went inside, and I stayed there. I didn’t go after her, or try to stop her. Maybe I just wanted someone to keep me from being able to stand in the way, so I wouldn’t have to feel so guilty about what had to happen. I was responsible for those people being murdered, and I didn’t even have the guts to do it myself.

I’ll never make the same mistake again. But I have. So many times in Orr. Daxx. Tindorin.

Free will

Three years ago...

“Mister Cadell, I hope you understand just what you’re asking us to approve.”

Bureaucracy is the cold and safe heart of law enforcement. Out on the streets as a Seraph, I understood what life was like for people who drew a bad hand. The poor, refugees, orphans — they all start in the dirt, and in the dirt it’s easy to reach up and find the wrong hand waiting to help you. It’s easy to make bad decisions. It’s even easier when a mesmer tries to rob you of your ability to make sound decisions.

“I’m not asking you to do anything out of the ordinary,” I said.

At a polished wooden table, I sat facing a tribunal on raised seats. The six of us were surrounded by a fence of wood only three feet high. It was easy to scale, and only there for show to keep rows of onlookers at bay. Or, really, to separate rows of onlookers from the proceeding. To keep everything in its right place, safe and sound. Her Majesty did not need these people — cowards, really — to rule her kingdom. Her throne room was open and inviting. It was a place where even a goat farmer could approach and be heard.

But for now, this was the reality we were stuck in. At least the viewing seats were mercifully empty. And if I was honest, everyone I faced wasn’t so bad. Two of them were ministers, with falsely thoughtful faces and enough facial hair to trick children into thinking they were wisened. But in the middle was a magistrate and on one side there was Exemplar Layla Spencer in her blue and gold. On the other was Seraph Commander Mansfield in his dress uniform.

“You really think we can afford to let some lunatic free? She’s a threat to Divinity’s Reach. Perhaps you are, too, if you are in league with her,” said one of the ministers.

“Minister, there aren’t any adoring crowds here for you to fool, so try to relax,” Mansfield said in a drawl. “Janto Cadell served honorably under my command for 10 years. His loyalty isn’t in question. But son… what you’re proposing…”

This was the best I could get Deci, a teenage girl no one else seemed to give a damn about. As a commoner, the most she was entitled to after a murder and an assault was a hearing from a magistrate. Every favor anyone owed me for my 10 years of service had been only enough to allow my former commanding officer to advise with an exemplar he trusted. But that came with the condition of the advisement of two ministers as well.

The door behind me opened and cast a shadow with the light from the hallway. Someone quiet and small stepped lightly around the outside of the room to take a seat and watch. Another witness. It had to be Ana.

“I’m not proposing anything out of the ordinary,” I said. “When someone commits a crime, especially murder, they face the consequences. But when they’re under duress, when someone forces them to act out of their character, we are lenient.”

“Rotting in prison is lenient, isn’t it?” asked a minister.

“What the minister means to say,” Layla Spencer said in even tones. “Is that what you are describing might save someone from an execution. But Deci has murdered someone-”

“- a noble!”

“- and attacked someone else. How can we let her go free?”

“Because this isn’t an ordinary situation. When someone is under duress, even though they may still act out of character, they still maintain the burden of morality. But when someone is tricked by magic, fooled out of their mind, they can’t carry the same burden.”

Ana sat down in my peripheral vision. Her long blond hair spilled over her shoulder in curls, and she looked pretty in a white dress with a blue sash. I couldn’t look straight at my sister. I don’t know if she could look straight at me. Maybe we never would again.

She needs to be killed before she hurts anyone else. She almost killed Tao!

We aren’t killing anyone, Ana. You’re talking like the Whispers. Everyone deserves a chance to do better. It’s the same chance we were given.

We weren’t a risk to everyone around us.

Is that what you’ve spent the past 25 years telling yourself? You never looked in a mirror and wondered?

My little sister, separated from me for so long. She was taken from me because she feared what she could do. She was afraid of herself, and the necromantic powers that could make her a lich. Who says those things to their sister? I’m still ashamed to know that kind of anger is inside of me.

“Cadell, you really believe she was manipulated at the time of those attacks?” Mansfield asked.

“Yes, by a mesmer named Rhao,” I lied.

Well, it wasn’t entirely a lie. As my report stated, a mesmer named Rhao had manipulated Deci, but at the time of her attacks he was long gone. Fear of further manipulation by other mesmers had set her madly against them. Fear was to blame. But a person isn’t entirely their own self when fear rules them. A man had taken away Deci’s safety, had stolen her ability to feel like her own person safe in her own skin. She deserved a chance to reclaim her own identity.

A man sat down next to Ana. He had dull features and a round head, and I knew him. Dans Larith. I fought to hold down the bile in my throat. What was a Whispers agent doing near my sister.

When I looked back to the committee two of the ministers were looking at me like I was a rabid animal.

“Looking strictly at the law, I’m not sure I agree with you, Mister Cadell,” Spencer said. “But I think I agree with your argument, and I think the queen wants the same opportunities for her subjects that you want for this little girl.”

I offered a polite nod.

“We’ll need to speak with the other witnesses,” she added. “Wait in the hall. We will need you back soon.”

When I sat, I saw Ana whisper something harsh to the Whispers agent, and he slid away in silence. Her look for me was cold and hurt. I don’t know why she didn’t reveal my lie. Maybe my angry words had convinced her with the help of all that hurt.

A boy named Andrew

Another lifetime…

A boy named Andrew was crouching behind the crates of a warehouse in the East Commons. In those days, Queen Jennah was not the ruler, and Minister Caudecus hadn’t yet commissioned the mechanical orchestra. There was even more mud in the district in those days, and less safety. With such a large population, and a constant stream of refugees, Divinity’s Reach has long had a problem with gangs. But in those days, it was even worse.

Andrew was hiding, but not from any person. It was as though placing something between himself and what was happening in the room could somehow separate him from it. Andrew hadn’t yet accepted who he was.

You’re nothing to the world, boy. Another grimy street rat is nothing to anyone. But I don’t care what they think.

Danny Red Eye was a big man who liked to wear shirts without any sleeves. That way, he seemed to go everywhere with his arms and shoulders first, and anyone who got in his way usually ended up hurt. But today he wasn’t throwing any punches. He had a dagger in his hand as he circled another man who was tied to a chair at the center of the warehouse. A few other members of the gang watched from nearby.

“You don’t have a whole lot to look forward to anymore,” Danny Red Eye said.

As he circled the captured man, Andrew could see the red patch over Danny’s eye. The one he had left darted up to look at Andrew only for a moment.

“I can’t let you go. Can’t let you live.”

The captured man gave a quiet whine. He was too hurt to do much else. Andrew was scared, but he knew he had to stop being so scared. He knew Danny was only doing what he had to in order to keep him and the other kids safe. The Seraph only saw more fodder for their wars when they looked at boys. But Danny saw potential in Andrew.

You know no one else has any faith in you. But we can’t blame them too much, it’s not easy.  

“But I can end it quick. You tell me where my weapons are, I’ll send my boys to have a look, and if we find them it’s over for you. If you lie we bring your brother in next. How’s that sound?”

That seemed to bring energy back to the captured man. His head darted upright, his eyes wide with protest.

“No, please, I’ll-” but his words were cut short by a terrified scream in his own throat. Danny Red Eye had shoved his knife into the man’s eyes. With a twist and a scoop, the eye came out in a mangled pile.

The other men looked away. None of them echoed Danny Red Eye’s laugh. But Andrew kept watching. He couldn’t look away. If he did, Danny would be disappointed in him.

“What do you think, boy?” Danny Red Eye asked him, nearly having to shout over the captured man’s screams. “Was he going to tell me the truth?”

“I don’t know,” Andrew said. “How can you tell?”

Danny Red Eye laughed, and Andrew shrunk backwards. When Danny laughed, people usually got hurt. Would he be next? No, he hadn’t done anything wrong today. Or have I? Andrew winced when Danny lifted a hand, and jumped when that hand landed hard on his shoulder. But it was a fond gesture, and Andrew found himself slowly looking upward from under his eyebrows.

“That’s the trouble,” Danny said. “You can’t. That’s why you have to give them a really good reason to be honest. The reason can’t just be to make it stop, or they’ll feed you a lie. They need to know something worse will happen if they don’t cooperate, but the responsibility is still in your hands.”

Andrew swallowed fear, but it wasn’t for himself. His head turned to look at the captured man. He was sobbing, and couldn’t hold his wound. Andrew set a hand over his own eye.

“I told you the responsibility is still in your hands,” Danny said, his voice lowering to a barking gravel. “Ask me why!”

“Why?”

Danny gave Andrew’s hunching form a pleased smile.

“Because the responsibility to confirm is still on you. Confirm, confirm, confirm. That’s one of the most important rules.”

Andrew nodded, but he didn’t say anything. He kept the eye he wasn’t covering fixed to the floor. Then he gave a yelp when Danny seized him by the inch or so of hair on his head and forced him to stand upright. Oh, no! He had failed Danny. Danny had told him how he needed to groom himself for this world, and he hadn’t kept up with it.

“I told you it was one of the most important rules.”

“Yes, it is.”

“Yes?”

“Yes, sir.”

Danny considered Andrew like a pet that had performed a trick to an uncertain degree of satisfaction. He ran his tongue over his teeth and gums before finally allowing a slow, steady nod.

“When I see you first thing tomorrow morning for a lesson this will all be cut off. I told you to keep it gone.”

“Yes, sir.” Danny was just trying to keep him safe. Anyone could grab you when you had hair.

“And you bring me 20 silver coins to pay for the lesson.” Andrew knew he had to learn responsibility somehow.

“Yes, sir.”

When he was finally out on the street, Andrew walked as quickly as he could and kept his head down. He wanted to run as fast as he could, but that would only get him seized by one of Danny’s corner men. The enforcers didn’t like the boys doing anything to draw attention to themselves.

But he knew he still needed to hurry. Twenty pieces of silver wasn’t easy to pickpocket in the East Commons, not with how little people owned. If he was allowed to travel to another district, he knew he could earn a lot more, but Danny had forbid it. So Andrew seized what determination he could, and slowly lifted his head up, and slowly made himself smile at anyone who passed by.

Most in the commons were too smart to fall for his trick, and that slowed down Andrew’s progress. Most knew a smiling child, or any child moving on their own was likely to reach for their pockets.

But a very few saw Andrew as a boy, and they saw his smile. Then they saw his sunken cheeks, and his hollow eyes. When they went to him and offered bread, or comforting words, it made them easy marks.

You’re like a lost puppy to them. Out on the street, they don’t blame you for how ugly you are, and they think they can help. But as soon as they clean you up, they’ll see what’s really there, won’t they? Well I’ve already seen it, and I haven’t looked away. Don’t you, either.

A silver at a time, he could nearly meet his quota before it was too dark. When it was too dark, if he wasn’t under cover somewhere, he would be someone else’s prey.

Andrew found an empty ice box built into the ground of an abandoned house to hole up in during the night. A nearby lamp cast a dim glow into the hole through a smashed portion of the wood lid, and Andrew was able to see down his chest to his leg from it. There was just enough room to stretch out if he wanted to, but for now he was bunched up with his knees to his chest while he worked a knife through strands of thin hair.

He gasped and gripped the weapon in both hands when the lid flew open, and then scowled when the dim light revealed a tiny girl with a tiny nose, purple eyes and muddy hair.

“Move over,” she demanded, and hopped in with a book in hand.

“Go find somewhere else,” Andrew said.

The girl sat down in the space Andrew meant to stretch out when he was finished.

“I don’t want to get kidnapped by a matron,” the girl said in a very matter-of-fact tone. “I’m not stupid.”

Andrew kicked his legs out a little, staking claim to as much of his hole as he could. “Fine.”

“Good.”

She pried open the little book she had with her. There were very few pictures. That made her scowl.

“Can you read?” she asked him.

“Of course I can.”

“Will you read this to me?”

“No.”

“I didn’t think you could read.”

“I can read!”

“Sure you can.”

Andrew snapped up the book, and the girl had a very pleased look on her face.

“Lance stayed with Gisele after that, and never left. Even his wolf companion traveled with them through Kryta. There. see?”

Andrew tossed the book back to her.

“Will you read the rest?” the girl asked.

“I have other things on my mind,” Andrew said.

“Like what?”

“Things.”

“It will probably help if you read.”

Andrew gave an exasperated sigh and tried to look away from the girl so he could go back to cutting his hair. She didn’t bother him after that, but after about an hour of silence Andrew peered over at her. She was studying a page with two pictures. In one picture, a burly man sat beside the unmoving body of a wolf and pet it. In the other picture he held the child of a blond woman, and glared threateningly at the woods.

The girl wiped at her eyes, but when she noticed Andrew looking she turned her head fiercely away. He sighed and looked up through the hole at the street light, but every so often he could hear tiny sobs from the girl.

“Give it here,” Andrew said.

She did without protest. Andrew studied the pictures a moment himself. It was strange seeing such a big man holding something so tiny.

“He never had a moment in his heart where he thought he might be in love with Gisele, but he loved her, her new husband, and her children in another way,” Andrew read. “Lance put aside the wilderness to look after the family, and carry whatever burden he could for them.”

That didn’t make any sense. Andrew paged back to the front of the story to read it from the start.

XXX

Eternity

The day of the jungle assault...

The fleet was assembled. With help from Kryta, The Grove, Hoelbrak and the Black Citadel it was as though the Pact had never been battered down by Zhaitan.

“I keep losing count,” Lysander said, grinning up at me.

We stood side by side on the edge of the Jade Wind and soared above the Silverwastes. I felt her creek at the sudden shift as we lifted further into the sky to join dozens of Pact ships. Wings stretched to either side of many, forming horizontal sails. On other ships there were glowing magitech power sources spinning out energy. Still, others had longer, stretched balloons to keep them sailing.

My heart raced when we evened out again to drift alongside the other vessels, and their formation stretched out around us I found myself smiling. My heart felt too warm to mind the cold wind as it buffeted me. There were brave men and women of all races armed for war on a hundred decks, and though they were too far away to call to, I could spot dozens of familiar faces. So many heroes were gathered here, forming crews and war parties ready to face down a dragon.

“Glad to see you made it, exemplar,” a voice said over the radio on the bridge.

“Thanks Warmaster, Her Majesty wouldn’t have you here without our support,” Exemplar Spencer answered back.

A familiar norn ranger held up a hand to me from a passing ship, and I waved back. Lysander joined me, and that prompted the ranger, Jacon, to pat a sylvari beside him and point us out. She waved to us as well, and hopped into the air to cheer before they flew into formation.

The next ship we passed was lighter, likely for scouting. On the bridge I spotted another familiar sight, Captain Cole Barton with his handsome face and lying rogue’s grin. From the look of it, the pirate was giving orders to Priory fighters.

“Good for him,” I told Lysander. “That man is so good, it enraged him to know a woman used centaur hide for fashion.”

“Shouldn’t it?”

“...yes.”

On another vessel a unit of Vigil soldiers was in formation. I spotted an asura I had dug in at Orr with for three nights, and we shared a salute. His face wore grim determination like it was a weapon.

“Magnificent,” Lysander said. “I’ve never seen so many ready to fight, not even in Lion’s Arch.”

“It makes you confident we’ll survive this,” I said.

Lysander nodded.

“Just be ready to steel yourself,” I said. “But before you do, seize this moment and hold it deep inside you. You’ll need it for strength in the days to come.”

As Spencer returned from the bridge, she waved us over and we went to join the other exemplars on the bow of the ship, facing west toward sun as the jungle spread out beneath us. Among the clouds, we formed a nimbus of our own with the other vessels.

“Gentlemen,” Spencer called above the wind. “We’re flying to slay a dragon.”

One of the others gave a whoop of excitement, which broke the determined expressions of two other exemplars. They grinned, and nodded to Spencer.

“These are dark times,” she said. “Those of you who didn’t serve in Orr have surely read the reports.”

I felt the airship begin to shake as gears beneath us spun to place the cannons.

“As Kryta’s most skilled soldiers, we have to know we are not only the best, but our minds must also be the sharpest.”

We descended slowly, and our engine cooled as we slowed, moving with the fleet to hover above the jungle just within an effective range to aim our cannons.

“We must all accept we could die today. But to the last moment, we will strike with unrivaled skill, and we will think with unrivaled cunning. That is what will win this war. That is what will slay a dragon.”

“Queen’s Honor, exemplar!”

“Queen’s Honor!”

“For the Queen!”

“For Kryta,” I said.

The world was still for one precious moment. Then a voice could be heard over the airship’s radio: “Fire!”

We rained down power on the jungle. It was a storied and ancient place, a mirror to the ancient power of the monster it hid. And we smashed it. Ingenuity and a world at war had shaped terrible weapons in all of our forges, and every last godsdamn one of them was pointed at Mordremoth. My ears rang from the thunder of cannons, and each time we fired the elementalist’s cannon I’d recovered in Lion’s Arch, our vessel shook from the pressure.

Die, I found myself whispering in my head. Die, just die. I can’t waste more of my life on a dragon. Deci needs me. Inasis needs me to live. Sati needs to see me again. Just… please, die.

Mordremoth’s counterstroke was terrible. Just as soon as the cannons took a breath and powder filled the air like a fog, hundreds of jagged, spiked vines ripped free of fissures in the jungle in ship-thick arms.

The first ship to go was ripped apart from beneath. Any man who survived the impact died as the ship exploded. Another was seized like a plaything and crushed.

“Fire. Fire! Cover the ships next-” the voice cut off.

Exemplar Spencer snapped into action with a precise voice.

“Exemplars, blades ready,” she said, and lifted her voice to call into the bridge. “Captain, get us moving! Drift wide but make sure our cannons can cover that ship.”

She pointed hard at a ship sailing alongside us. It was Jacon’s ship. I could see him on deck with an axe and torch in hand.

“Wait - Janto, what’s happening?” Lysander asked.

I tried to follow Lysander’s gaze but the Jade Wind suddenly lurched to one side as Mordremoth’s vines snatched at us. I coughed my lungs empty when I slammed into the iron side of the bridge. One end of the ship tipped skyward and I watched a thorny green mass shoot through the air. It cast a shadow as it loomed over us, and I felt an empty stillness in my chest. My breaths felt hollow.

I snapped to my senses as Spencer flew past me, flailing toward a death that awaited her over my head, over the bridge, and to the ground below. I drew my sword and with an acute focus I activated the glowing yellow sigils on my sword, and a rune on my boots. I turned to stand on the side of the bridge as though it was level ground and leaped toward Spencer.

The runes on my boots glowed green as a precise gust of wind launched me forward. Inasis’ magic landed me next to Spencer’s foot and and I grabbed her by the ankle before twisting and slamming my sword down into the side of the bridge. It should have been a useless attempt, but the yellow runes exploded in on themselves. My sword put a hole in the ship and anchored us.

“Attack with the cannons,” Spencer ordered in an impressively powerful voice. She wasted no time finding her own hold. “Now!”

Only the Bandersnatch fired from below, and with it came a bolt of molten flame. The three exemplars holding onto railings pulled themselves forward. One freed a scepter from his belt, another a pistol, and the third simply held her hand forward. Blue, black and purple magics met the green tentacle head on, adding to the searing power of the Bandersnatch. The elementalist operating it below deck had the sense to prime it and blast out fire.

The exemplar who had held their pistol lost his grip when the mass of vines twisted and ground against the Jade Wind, and flew screaming into empty air. I don’t know if his contribution had been the pebble that caused the avalanche or not, but a moment later the vine withdrew.

Our ship righted itself, and Spencer and I smashed down onto the deck. My body groaned from the impact, but I’d been through worse. That didn’t make it hurt any less to sit up.

“Janto!” Lysander called, scrambling to his feet somewhere nearby. “Janto, you need to see!”

Spencer was up before I was, and she hauled me to my feet and to the railing. I was just in time to see Jacon’s face split open by an axe. The axe was held in the outstretched hand of the sylvari who had waved with him earlier.

It wasn’t just Jacon. The deck of his ship was blackened by the blood of dead Vigil soldiers. Only sylvari stood, and one at a time they turned to face us with red eyes. One held his spear into the air and gave a warcry, but his words were lost to the wind. All together they started sprinting toward the edge of the deck, 10 in all, as though they could leap for us.

“Swing us around,” Spencer ordered.

The Jade Wind moved, and as it sailed past one airship, it revealed a battered fleet. Ships fell fast toward the dark jungle below us, and wherever one still flew there was a slaughter. An explosion wrecked the side of one ship, and the soldiers who had originally survived were thrown overboard.

One airship scraped alongside us on a frantic ascent. I saw the charr captain’s grim expression as he tried to rescue his charge, but not thirty feet from him his crew was slaughtered by allies. An adventuring party I had once seen outside a kodan sea sanctuary was ripped apart by a fireball. The sylvari elementalist they’d once trusted roared in triumph.

It wasn’t hard for everyone to understand what was going on. Scarlett. The Zephyrites. The jungle dragon. The sylvari were immune to Zhaitan’s corruption, but they weren’t the blessing I thought they were. They were dragon minions.

One at a time, we all turned to face Lysander. Spencer leveled her sword toward him. She never wasted time, not when lives were on the line.

“No, exemplar, I’m not -”

Cowardice

Five years ago...

I didn’t speak to Aosheng for a week as we traveled north down a muddy road through the mountains back toward the old Krytan swamps south of Lion’s Arch. She didn’t say a word to me, either, but whenever I’d look her way accidentally, she never looked away. She looked right at me and waited.

I was on point, with Madar right behind me. The norn Bordak Nightsky was in the back with the sylvari Cyndel. Able Gray had bid us farewell when we joined the Order of Whispers. I should have gone with him.

Aosheng wasn’t with us either, she was somewhere scouting up ahead, likely buried to her shoulders in the snow that formed frozen waves on either side of the path.

“Well, I’ve finally found some place I don’t like so well,” Cyndel said.

The others sounded eager for the chance when they laughed. I couldn’t help but grin, at least at her effort.

“The snow is rather pretty. And I don’t mind the cold much. But I would prefer a few more colors. You all really should visit the Grove.”

“Maybe after I see my parents,” Bordak said. “I admit I miss my homestead.”

Aosheng appeared ahead of us on the road, black mist parting around her.

“You’ll be home soon enough,” she said. “The way is clear.”

As she moved to rejoin us we shared the same cold stare we had many times. But this time I couldn’t help but scowl. Aosheng stopped.

“I am not sure if I am more ashamed as your lover or your teacher,” she said, “to have taken in such a clueless child.”

There was nothing but white all around us, but all I could see was red. I swung for Aosheng’s face and was surprised when I struck her hard. She turned her head and body expertly with the swing. When she straightened out, the skin of her cheek wrinkled against my arm and she glared a hole into me with her dark brown eyes.

“A tantrum,” she intoned.

I pulled back my fist but before I could swing again she’d grabbed me by my arm, twisted it around, snatched my shoulder and thrown me to the ground. Mud and snow shot up my nose as it smashed down and I coughed.

“Use your words,” Aosheng said.

Fuck her. I twisted around on the ground to face her.

“You didn’t even flinch, did you? You killed them all without giving a shit.”

She stared at me.

“Did you even mean it when you apologized to those families? You didn’t.”

She stared.

“Answer me!”

“I meant it,” she said, voice as cold as her stare.

“And what did you tell those people as you murdered them?”

“Nothing.” Her stare was just as empty, but her words were a whisper. My heart broke for her.

“Ao…”

“My name is Aosheng,” she said in a diffident voice as she squared her shoulders. She lifted her chin proudly, and I could all but see the cloak of iron she was shrouding her nerves in. And I knew that things had ended between us. Everything had.

“Janto,” she said in a very tiny voice. “If you carry on like this, someday you will have to make the same choice I did. And it will break you.”

Free will

A few weeks ago...

Let me tell you about a charr named Vin Stormshield. Not so long ago, I would have been happy to kill her, and I would have been a fool to. But she was a charr. Well, she is a charr. For so long they had been filed so neatly under enemy. They were bloodthirsty monsters. They are bloodthirsty — Vin honestly seems to hunger for a good fight. But she isn’t a monster. She’s…

I’m lucky I met Murdok Blastfire before I met her, only because when I was forced to work with him it forced me to appreciate the fact that charr are just damn good soldiers. That’s why when Vin and I fought alongside each other those first times, often against the Nightmare Court, or dredge, the Icebrood and Inquest, I was able to just focus on work. War is work for a soldier, for her and for me.

She was at my side too many times to count, but also in front of me. If there was a threat to me she met it with the ferocity of a mother dog. If she couldn’t smash the threat, she reached out with warm magic - magic more tender than you’d think a giant, furry beast with horns could have. Every healing spell, every magic aegis and every inspiring chant filled my heart… filled all of our hearts with warmth. That warmth told me Vin was good in a very real way, and I’m not afraid of using that word in the most basic, storybook way. Vin was good.

And just weeks before we were to strike into the Maguuma Jungle, I stood at a campsite outside the Black Citadel staring at a mess of Vin’s blood.

Deci… why?

Vin always had faith in Deci. No matter her past sins, no matter her stupid, reckless, selfish choices. Vin always had faith. And her faith let me have faith in Deci. I’m not sure if I’d have been able to without the strength Vin gave me.

There was a campfire nearby. Vin hadn’t resisted when Deci approached her from behind. Maybe to climb on Vin’s shoulders? Deci liked that sort of thing. But then there was the blood…

Have you been playing us all this time? She’d never had a problem fooling us for selfish reasons. But not like this.

I circled the campsite and crouched to have a look at another bloodstain in the grass. That had to be Deci’s, maybe after she hopped off? The others were consistent with Vin’s wounds. Stab wounds. That was after the garrotte.

It was possible that Rhao, the very mesmer who had poisoned Deci’s mind, had returned. How young was she when Rhao corrupted her? A voice in my head told me I had been a fool to stand up for Deci the way I had at the expense of my little sister. How long could I let it go before Deci’s corruption was too big a threat to let her live?

A boy named Andrew

Another lifetime...

A boy named Andrew stood beside Danny Red Eye in the middle of the warehouse. The man who had been a prisoner yesterday was gone now. Andrew didn't know what had happened to him, but he had heard the man told Danny everything he wanted to know. Danny must have killed the prisoner quickly. He knew it was more than the man deserved.

“Now, I want to know who you were talking to over by the high road,” Danny was saying to a new prisoner.

Knife in hand, Danny Red Eye knelt in front of his new prisoner and leaned in close. He gestured for Andrew to step in close as well, and he obeyed. With his head held down, the prisoner's hair covered his face, but Andrew thought he recognized him.

“Don't you know you hurt me?” Danny asked the prisoner. His rough voice mimicked pain. “There's a guard post nearby there. I hope you have a good excuse.”

“I was just talking to someone, that's all,” the prisoner whispered. Andrew wasn't sure why he was so quiet, but his jaw hardly seemed to move.

Something wet splashed across Andrew's face. He blinked and shook before he looked up and realized Danny had punched the prisoner. His nose was bleeding now. Andrew touched his own face and his hand came back with the man's blood. He gasped and looked back to the prisoner. He could see the man's face now.

It was Garet Lynn, one of Danny's thugs. Andrew had met Garet's wife and daughter once, about a year ago.

“Wait, Danny,” Andrew said. “He has a kid. We can't... he's one of us, right?”

Garet's eyes bulged and he tried desperately to form words, but his mouth just hung open, wobbling awkwardly. “...eeeaaaaasssseee...”

Danny turned to Andrew and shook his head in a slow, sad way.

“Sorry, boy, but we can't show him any kindness,” he said. “Do you know why?”

Andrew didn't, and so he shook his head.

“People like you and me have entered into a sacred trust, you see,” Danny said. “How do you think I'd feel if you did anything I didn't want you to?”

Andrew thought about that for a moment, and tried to find the answer by studying the man.

“You'd be mad, right?”

“Mad, sure. But mostly sad, Andrew. Do you know why?”

“Because you helped me so much?”

“That's right. No one else would bother to give you half so much care. And here I have. If you betrayed me, well, that makes you as bad as everyone would say, doesn't it?”

Andrew fixed the prisoner with as cold a stare as he could, and nodded.

“...eaaaasee,” the prisoner whispered with his still mouth.

“What do we do?” Andrew asked Danny.

“We do nothing,” Danny said. “You get out of here and let me finish dealing with this.”

“I thought you were going to teach me?”

The big man smiled to himself as he stood, rubbing his knuckle where he had punched the prisoner. His smile grew wider for just a moment when he nodded. “No, I've decided on something else for you,” he said. “Come back tomorrow, and I will test just how grateful you really are.”

“What do I need to bring you?”

“Nothing. You take the night off, and come tomorrow ready to be a big kid. You think you're ready for that? Ready to join the gang?”

“Yes, sir.” Andrew kept himself firmly rooted to the floor, straight as he could. It was hard for him not to wiggle around, or cheer. A place in Danny's gang, a real place among the others, meant a roof over his head. It meant food he didn't have to dig out of the waste.

“Good. Now get out of here.”

Andrew walked to the door, and only glanced back when he heard Danny punch the prisoner so hard the chair fell over with him. He winced when he saw Garet's head hit the ground, and rushed out the door. He didn't know why he cared. He wasn't the traitor.

Back in the same hollow ice box as the past night, Andrew hugged his legs to himself to try and fend off the cold of the rain pouring down outside. The rickety wooden seal above him shook and wobbled from the wind and rain. Thanks to the gap in one portion, a tiny puddle was forming on the other end of Andrew's hiding hole.

When the lid suddenly flew open, Andrew thought the wind had taken it, but the girl from the previous night dove in like cat and rolled into a ball, clutching something to her beneath her shirt. Andrew stood and hundreds of raindrops pelted the side of his face before he could force the lid down and shut again.

“Are you crazy?” Andrew asked the girl.

She rolled over, and Andrew saw she had a black eye. She didn't seem to mind, and was busy digging another book out from under her clothes. She had managed to only let it get a little wet.

“I don't want to read to you again,” Andrew said.

The girl opened her mouth to argue with him! But then she snapped it shut and cast her purple gaze downward. Those haunting eyes seemed to glow in the night.

“Besides, it's too dark,” Andrew said.

“I brought you a candle,” she said.

Of course she had. “And how am I supposed to light it?”

She dug out a chunk of flint and a steel firestarter from a pocket.

“Look, I don't know what kind of trouble you're in, but I don't want to be part of it,” Andrew pointed at the girl's black eyes. “Just go away before you get me in trouble.”

The girl crouched down again and leaned against the wall. She sat in the water and gave a small jump before sitting up again and looking around helplessly.

“I just told you to leave.”

“Please, can I stay? I won't make you read. And you won't get in any trouble. I just got hurt stealing this book, that's all.”

Andrew peered through the darkness at her.

“You're kidding.”

“No.”

“Why? You can't even read.”

“I usually make up my own stories from the pictures. I feel happier that way.”

Andrew looked down, and then up and out the cracks in the lid. He tried to look anywhere but at the girl.

“I used to do that, too,” he said. “But I'm not supposed to anymore.”

That's just as bad as closing your eyes and pretending your safe. No! Open those eyes! Are you trying to make me mad?

“Is it okay if you read a story?”

Andrew sighed and sat down. He smashed himself up against one wall as best he could, and pat the ground next to him. “Come here and get out of the rain,” he said. “If you get sick I can't help you.”

She was like a mouse when she scurried over to him. She was so tiny she could fit between the wall and Andrew, and lean into him for warmth. He took the book and pried it open.

“The journeys of Vincent Adega,” Andrew read the title. “Okay.”

Vincent Adega was a braggart, so Andrew immediately disliked him, but whenever he would boast the girl would giggle. She snorted when she giggled, and Andrew found himself wanting to make her do it again, so when Vincent would brag, he made his voice high and quick.

That's how he noticed that whenever Vincent would brag, it was actually after every time he made a mistake, or failed to do what he wanted. And sure, Vincent bragged a lot. He was an incredible swordsman, one of the best in the world, the story said. Maybe the best. But it wasn't like he was running around causing trouble. Everything he did was for someone else. And he never hurt anyone if he could avoid it. In fact, Vincent considered it a special badge of skill he he could win without maiming someone.

In the end, Vincent was forced to retire when he lost a hand in his final battle with a demon. But even then, he bragged about losing his hand.

“Why's he so happy about that?” the girl asked.

“He's not. He's sad about it. He wishes he could still help his friends.”

Survival

The day before the jungle assault...

On pure disciplined reflex I spun and threw an elbow to force the wrist holding that knife away from my neck. That was my sword arm, and I was exposed. But just like I’d drilled into my muscle memory a hundred times I snapped out with my other hand and snatched an arm holding a second dagger meant for my side.

In the darkness it was hard to make out my attacker, but they were human judging from their size and the way their arm felt when I grabbed it. I didn’t think my attacker wore a helmet, so I boxed forward with my head to slam my helmet into their face. There was a puffing sound like a quick exhale, and they were gone.

A lot happened all at once.

Hours spent meditating after nightly workouts came to me in a flash, and I dove inside of myself. Inside I found a boiling, tumultuous sea. The waters were black and oily, thick and heavy. But as I reached into the waves I found the blackness was merely a thin layer. There were sparkling yellows of worry, and the blues of joy further beneath. An egg of red color was somewhere in there as well.

I reached further to seize my emotions and the oily darkness only went with me, polluting everything. Fine. Fine. That’s what I’ll take. I seized my melancholy in a clenched fist and I owned it. Watch me, Tindorin. I won’t lay down and die like you did.

The room came alive in the darkness. Blades of light were more vibrant, and the features and outlines they showed me in the room were accented, as though created by a painter’s brush in blacks and wallowing purples. The color was good enough for me. But there was something else there as well, a hot red just below the surface. What was it I had thought a moment ago?

I didn’t have time to think. My senses were alive, as though each sound had been punctuated by an extra brush stroke, given deeper substance.

In the darkness I could hear the all but silent footsteps of my attacker, and as I turned to face her, details of her arms, wrists and blades came into focus from each hint the light gave me. A white mask covered her face.

I parried an attack, and another, but she came in hard and relentless. She was wielding a long, thin sword now, and each blow came at me like an avalanche, relentlessly seeking my neck or heart. Dark sigils snaked up the length of the blade, promising to break through my armor if only she could strike.

Parrying was like treading water in white rapids - I was there to meet each blow just fast enough to survive, but a counter was out of the question. Each parry brought with it a surge of red to the world that faded an instant later.

I was forced back one step after another, and it was all I could do to make my retreat indirect and at as many angles or sidesteps as possible. One backstep and that avalanche would storm right over me.

This assassin was better than me in almost every way I knew how to measure, a true swordsmaster. I had thought I may have become one, but the proof I hadn’t was ready to kill me. I just had to wait, hold out, and find one opening. One right play was all it took to end a fight. But that’s all it would take to kill me.

Each holding our swords with both hands, we flowed from shadow to shadow, our forms flicking between blades of light. My opening finally came when a thrust for my neck came on too hard, too quick and sure of the kill. I stepped in and out of the way, pushing into the woman’s space psat her wrist. My arms were drawn back and I drove my sword through her guts. And that was the trap.

The shadow I’d killed was blasted away like sand in the wind. My enemy was a foot or two behind it, and wasted no time closing with me for a kill. I’d feel every second of pain from the sword through my heart before shock kicked in. But that wasn’t going to happen. I never had an ounce of magic talent in me, but I always brought the right tools for the job.

I focused on an earth rune on my helmet and a thin layer of transparent stone fit my body. The assassin’s sword struck, but only ground against the rock. As much as the black runes tried to snake down that sword and break through, they made no ground. Wait — was she even aiming for a vital organ? I didn’t have time to wonder, and hauled my arms back around to shove the woman away. I was, at least, stronger than her, and as she tumbled away I closed at a sprint.

I stabbed for her back but she ducked and drifted with fleet feet out of the way, darting up with her sword to catch my side as the stone barrier vanished. I knocked her sword away and cut for the neck with a flick. All she had to do was roll her blade and she caught mine enough to divert the momentum. She flicked her wrist again and her blade came to tuck in lethally under my arm.

With two precise steps I was out and in like a whip, and I batted for her exposed wrist with my sword. Her crossguard caught most of the force, but instead of pushing against me she loosened her stance ever so slightly into a crouch and shoved my force wildly to the side. I let go of my sword with one hand to grab her blade in a gauntlet. She swept my legs right out from under me.

I crashed to the ground beneath her and in a flash she was on my chest with a knee. She had my wrist pinned with the other, and the tip of her blade ready for my eye. Silence reigned. My heart pounded in my chest. I was ready.

“You’ve improved,” Aosheng said from behind that mask.

“What. You. I could have killed you,” I panted. My meditation faded away, and the colors seemed to fade into the ground.

“Not likely.”

Before she stood, she set a hand on my helmet where my cheek would be and nodded. I knew the gesture: proud approval, but not without a lesson to come.

She offered me a hand when she stood, but she wouldn’t have if she saw my dour expression. I stood on my own.

“Did you kill those men?” I asked her.

“No.”

“So you decided it was time to teach me a lesson while an enemy could be waiting to attack?”

“No. I dealt with the enemy. Look behind the bar.”

I slid my sword away and carefully felt through the darkness. It really was dark. That fact seemed to have faded away a moment ago. Maybe she had dispatched the real enemy, but was that really a reason to jump me like that? I had forgotten how damn — I don’t know, what’s the word? — how she just had to see everything as a teachable moment. Whatever that means.

I peered over the bar. There sat a sylvari man in torn Whispers garb. It looked like Aosheng had caught him from the back with a knife and sword and ran him through. She’d plunged the dagger in a half dozen times, likely so fast it felt like he was being raked open.

“One of yours betrayed us? The last I expected was a sylvari.”

“More common these days.”

When I thought about it, I realized she was right. Reports indicated Scarlett had turned on her instructors, and the Zephyrites had been betrayed by a sylvari in their number.

“Where is the Bandersnatch?”

Aosheng took a step toward me and vanished. She materialized on the other side of the bar and shoved the sylvari agent’s body over. With a grunt she lifted a wood board beneath him, and that freed a hidden door. The cascabel, shaped like a flame, sat there whole and secure.

“They died for something, then,” I said.

Aosheng nodded and handed the cascabel up to me.

“You’ll be on one of the airships.”

I turned the cascabel over in my hand a few times. It was cold, regardless of the flame design, and heavier than it looked. “That’s right,” I said.

“You could die.”

“I could always die.”

“This is a dragon. Don’t be dismissive.”

Aosheng only had to tilt back to sit on the bar, tall as she was. She loomed over me like a stork.

“I’m not being dismissive, but I have a duty to Kryta, and to my Queen.”

“I know, Janto,” Aosheng said. “But you cannot hope to live if you only fight to survive.”

I gave her an unsure look that was lost in the darkness, and climbed onto the counter to swing my legs around to the other side and sit with Aosheng. I was silent long enough that she continued.

“You have the same problem most of us humans have. You fight to survive. All of our minds are too often on survival,” she gave a tired sigh. “It’s what the state of the world has done to us. We’ve been beaten back.”

“Then what’s so wrong with fighting to survive?”

“Because you don’t push yourself, Janto,” Aosheng said. “Fighting is discipline, muscle memory and skill. But you need focus for all of that. I’ve taught you techniques.”

She gestured to the room.

“You own your emotions so they don’t own you, that’s good,” Aosheng said. “But if your own thoughts are stuck inward, stuck on just living, how will you push yourself hard enough?”

“Is this some kind of ‘know what you are fighting for’ lesson? You’re not usually sentimental.”

“No. I am only telling you that if you don’t find a reason to push, a reason to use your skill, to push hard with it in full confidence, you just won’t be good enough,” Aosheng said. “You weren’t fighting me patiently, you were clinging to your sword. A swordsmaster knows what they can do. They do it. That’s not bragging. You need to push yourself.”

I pressed my thumb into my palm and looked out a hole in the wall. A few kids heading home walked by the building.. The sun was setting, and it was beginning to get dark.

Aosheng was right. Sometimes... I’m afraid to push. I’m willing to take ownership of my fears and emotions, but owning my skill runs dangerously close to overconfidence. I guess it’s a fine line.

I think it’s easier to instead just always tell myself I’m doing what’s right, and that I hope I can survive doing it. But even I know what’s right isn’t always what’s best. That’s no reason not to do what I think I should, but I use doing what’s right as a shield too often. If I fail… I can just say I was doing what’s right. But if I push, if I put myself in charge, it becomes my call. It means I’m not just following a code, I’m setting one. And that means I have to push.

“It’s a complicated thing to think about,” I said.

“You also need to take a student, or you’ll stagnate.”

“I know.”

“Good.”

Aosheng turned around on the bar and walked for the door. She paused there before leaving, but didn't’ look back.

“Did it break you?”

My body felt cold. My palm ached.

“I don’t know yet.”

“I hope it doesn’t.”

Eternity

The day of the jungle assault...

I stood between the exemplars and Lysander, sword in hand.

“Stand down, Cadell, you saw what was happening.” Spencer had to shout over the wind as the Jade Wind shook. The engines puffed and sputtered working to keep us afloat and we sailed in a wide circle. The back end of our vessel, some ten feet behind me, was in splinters. The deck was littered with the broken bodies of men who had jumped from above in desperate hope they could survive the fall to our ship. None of them had.

“We don’t know if it is all of them,” I said. “Lysander hasn’t attacked us.”

“We outnumber him, Cadell.” Spencer’s sword were mere inches from mine. She was close enough to try and shove me aside and dart past, if she was fast enough. If she decided I wouldn’t actually try and stop her. The cold determination in her eyes told me she would do what had to be done, for the good of all of us.

The other two men wore guilty expressions, and glanced at each other before offering me a pleading look.

“Then we tie him up below deck,” I said.

“Janto, I’m not going to hurt anyone.”

“Yes. Lysander, I know. But you can’t blame them.”

“We can’t take the risk of leaving him somewhere, either,” Spencer said. “We’re going to crash into that jungle any minute now, and if we’re not dead in a minute, we’ll need every one of us to survive what’s down there. We can’t guard a traitor.”

“We could use him to fight, Spencer,” I pleaded. “We need everyone.”

“Last chance, Cadell. I just watched hundreds of soldiers get murdered by people they trusted. I don’t have any of my own left. Think about Kryta. The people we need to fight for. If we lose that cannon, we’ve lost an important weapon.”

I looked over my shoulder. Lysander held a pair of axes, but he wasn’t in a stance to fight. His stance was introverted, scared. He wasn’t ready to push. Could I stop three exemplars without killing them? Could I stop three — even two — with an intent to kill? Even the greatest swordsmasters in the world can be harried by two foes, and three is nearly insurmountable odds.

“Spencer, I can’t move. This sylvari is innocent. I will stop you.”

Blue flames roared up her body and in a flash she was gone. I felt heat pass me and as I spun I watched as those flames burst near Lysander to reveal Spencer once more. He stumbled back near the edge of the ship, raising his axes to defend himself. I ran to help him.

“Janto, don’t,” the elementalist said. Her name was Regina. She was always so concerned with other people. I didn’t listen. A flash of lightning put her in front of me.

“Out of my way,” I roared. But she slid a foot toward me, and gathered up the power of earth. It spiked toward me in a burst that caught me in the shoulders and launched me back toward the other exemplar. Kelin. He was a good soldier. He grabbed me under my arms and hauled me up off the ground, twisting until I lost my sword. It slid across the deck.

“You know it’s necessary,” Kelin whispered to me, voice pleading. “She isn’t making us do it. Let her take it on.”

“No,” I said, struggling against him. His body was surprisingly hard to move, as though stabilized by magic. “Kelin, I’m not going to let her. I’m going to stop her. This isn’t right.”

“None of this is right,” he whispered.

Spencer sent one of Lysander’s axes flying off the back of the ship, and he dove away as she launched a ball of blue fire for him. As he tumbled across the deck, toward the other side of the bridge, he palmed the wood and thorns lashed out to snatch and hold his pursuer.

“Kelin, let me go right now. I will save that man. I’m not letting him die. I can’t let him die.”

He wouldn’t let go,and his hold on my shoulder tightened. I threw an elbow hard, and a protective magic aura around him faded away. I threw another elbow, but with his armor the gesture was fruitless. That was fine. I’d done what I needed.

“Do you really want to stop me?”

“No, of course I don’t-”

I couldn’t swing my sword like this if I drew it, but my hand was still close enough to my belt. In a fluid motion I drew my pistol and dug it behind me into the scales of Kelvin’s armor. Regina gasped and gathered up lightning in her fist. She could stun me with that. I didn’t want to. I didn’t have a choice.

I pulled the trigger.

Blastfire’s destroyer mix tore through Kelvin’s armor, and made chunks of his insides before tearing out his back and spine and scattering into the deck. The exemplar seized up a panicked choking sound and I shoved him off me with gritted teeth. Regina shrieked and her bolt of lightning shot through the air at me.

My body tensed and before I could think I was twitching helplessly on the ground. I could hear the roar of flames launching Regina across the deck, and as I rolled over with my mouth gaping open I could see a burning sword in her hand.

“Traitor to the crown,” she screamed.

Sensation returned as she brought the sword down for my neck, and I shot my legs into the air to catch her by the wrist with my boots. She cut at my legs, and I cried out at the scorching pain. My knees buckled and she pressed forward, straining to force my legs down and impale me. I grit my teeth and pushed back, reaching wildly to find something with both hands.

My fingers closed around the haft of a lucerne hammer. It was a dire weapon with a flat, punishing hammer head opposite a long, hooked back. There was a spike on the other end of the haft. Regina saw me find the weapon, and turned her axe to brand into the side of my leg. The pain made the world flash black for an instant. I could feel my armor pressing into my flesh and meat, hot from the sword as it began to sink into my flesh.

“I won’t give up,” I told her. “Let me up.”

“Die!”

I swallowed my hurt before I lifted the hammer with both hands. I didn’t have any momentum to swing, but that didn’t stop me from forcing the spike on the haft into Regina’s skull with an overhead swing. The sword was extinguished and Regina went limp. As I pulled the spike free, blood oozed from the hole in her head.

“Forgive me, My Queen.”

That was all the time I could spare to mourn, so I prepared myself for the pain and struggled to my feet. I had to lean heavily on the hammer, and even then the sensation of my own burning armor still pressed on my skin was enough to make me sob. A cloud of smoke rolled over me from another falling ship, and as I inhaled from another wave of pain the smoke filled my lungs. My body tried to clear it out with a series of hacking coughs, and I barely held onto the hammer and I struggled to round the back of the deck.

It was at a pathetic limp that I finally made my way around in time to see Spencer throw Lysander to the ground. My roar was as much a battle cry as a cry of pain when I forced myself to move, gripping the hammer so I could heft it to one side. Spencer turned to greet me, moving unvexed into a waiting stance.

“What did you do, Cadell?” she asked in a voice much too calm and professional for what she wanted to do to Lysander.

I didn’t say a word, and  swung the hammer for the exemplar’s head.

“You’re a traitor to Kryta.” There wasn’t any malice in her voice, just frost. “Have you gone the way of Deci?”

I didn’t let her move toward me in the hammer’s wake. By choking up on it I could stop wide swings and ram at Spencer with the head to keep her away. By virtue of superior reach I could keep her at bay, but only for so long. I had to end this fast somehow, before that rotting pain in my leg sapped my strength. The world already felt hazy at the corners, like there was smoke everywhere I turned.

“They deserve a chance to fight,” I said, voice sluggish. “They deserve to pick who they are.”

I set a hard stance and tried to shove Spencer back but she moved to one side, put her own weight into it and shoved me off past her. Her sword wanted my neck, but I leveraged the long haft like a quarterstaff and intercepted.

“You can already see who they belong to,” Spencer said. “You know.”

They didn’t belong to anyone. They didn’t belong to Mordremoth anymore than my dead friends belonged to Zhaitan. Not anymore than innocent civilians taken by his corruption were owned. No more than Tindorin. He never would have turned.

She didn’t deserve any of those words. I needed my energy to fight, not to talk. A warm, round glow on my chest told me to push harder and I listened.

The proper use of any warhammer requires strength and control. You need strength to swing it and to kill, and control not to die. I’m sure someone knows how many hours of practice it takes to master war, or to master fighting. I don’t know how many that is, but I know I have more. I focused on my deep ragged breaths. Between blows I endeavored to steady myself, to find control.

One breath at a time I found a steady pulse, and used my reach to keep Spencer at bay. For the second time in two days I found myself on the retreat, pushed back inch by inch by a superior fighter. No, she wasn’t better than me. She was less injured than me. I wasn’t being pushed back, I was luring her. I salved my wound with grit and set my trap. My back was nearly to the wall.

Spencer’s stance changed. She was ready to lunge as soon as I ran out of room. I’d see her in hell.

I lunged for her. It was nothing she couldn’t avoid. Spencer stepped forward so the hammerhead landed past her, and the half landed uselessly on her armor. There was nothing to keep her from burying her sword through my jaw and into my head. I spun the haft of my weapon around so the hook end pressed into Spencer’s back and stepped aside as I lobbed her against the wall behind me.

It took both of Spencer’s elbows to keep her head from crashing into the wall of the bridge, and I stepped around behind her. There was no time for a death blow, not this close. I’d be dead in a second. So I drove the haft spike into the exemplar’s sword arm. She screamed in pain, and again when I tore the spike back out. She turned, arm limp but not broken. Before she could summon the strength to use her arm, I brought the lucerne hammer back around and smashed the hammer head into her skull.

Spencer’s head spilled out across the wall and fell in clumps to the deck.

I immediately fell to my knees panting, but Lysander was with me almost immediately. He put his hands on my shoulders.

“Thank you Janto,” I heard him say. “I couldn’t have succeeded without your help.”

A boy named Andrew

Another lifetime...

The boy named Andrew was in that dirty warehouse for the third time in three days. Today, he was holding a sword with golden seraph wings. Garet was bound in front of him again, tied to a chair. But today he was gagged and blindfolded. Danny set a comforting hand on Andrew’s shoulder.

“It’s not that hard. Right between these ribs. If you do it like I showed you it will go right through his heart,” Danny Red Eye said.

“What about his family?”

“They’re not our problem. He betrayed you. Doesn’t that make you mad?”

It didn’t really. Andrew hadn’t ever trusted anyone long enough to feel hurt by betrayal. It seemed that Danny understood.

“He’s turned on me,” Danny said. “He threatens what I have. And if I have nothing, you have nothing. How long do you think you’ll last? It’s my people that keep the Seraph from hurting you. You’ll be alone.”

Andrew looked down at the sword. Why a seraph sword? Danny had plenty of others.

“You just run it through and let go. That’s how I know I can trust you. Just leave it there.”

His arms shaking, Andrew lifted the sword and pressed the sharp end to Garet’s chest. But he waited too long. The pressure woke the man, and though he was bound, he screamed against his gag. Andrew saw the rag around Garet’s eyes darken.

“I don’t know. I can’t. I’m sorry. Please, I-”

Andrew shrieked as Danny grabbed him by the arm, and hand. Danny clamped Andrew’s fingers tight around the sword, and forced his arm and body forward. Andrew was surprised at how easily the weapon went inside, and at how easily it cut through everything until it stopped hard at the wooden back of the chair.

Danny didn’t let go, and Andrew tugged at his arm, trying to escape the sword. He needed to run, but he couldn’t see the door from all the tears in his eyes.

“You’ve murdered a man,” Danny hissed in Andrew’s ear. “You took his life. Who is going to want you now? And you thought you were bad off before.”

He released the boy so suddenly that he fell to the ground.

“It’s just me. Do you understand. No one else will take you after what you’ve done.”

Andrew dragged himself backwards across the floor, but Danny didn’t seem worried. There were guards on the other side of the only door out, so he could leisurely fetch a hot brand with an eye shape carved onto it.

“This is why you had to cut off your hair,” he called over to Andrew. “I can put this on, and everyone will know you’re mine. They won’t bother you.”

Andrew hid in his hole again that night. He had a bed, and a room Danny offered him, but for some reason every time he touched the bed he felt dirty. He felt sick.

He wished it was raining again. He wanted to get clean. He wanted to scrub himself and his hands. He wanted to find a rock and rub his head raw. The brand still hurt so bad that when he thought about it he started crying.

He was crying when the girl crawled into the icebox, and carefully shut the lid behind her. She watched Andrew for awhile, and when he finally wiped his eyes she tried to lean in and touch him. Andrew slapped her hand away, but she didn’t look upset.

“Did someone hurt you?” she asked.

Andrew just looked at her with empty eyes, so the girl started to look him over, searching for any kind of obvious injury.

“Your head,” she gasped and tried to climb on Andrew to see. He pushed her off as hard as he could and she hit the other side of the hole hard enough to make a sound. The girl curled up, and used another book she was hiding under her shirt to cover her head.

Andrew looked at her for several seconds. She shivered, and leaned away from him.

“I’m s-so sorry.” He covered his face with his hands, and kept his jaw clenched as tight as he could so he wouldn’t sob when he cried. His elbows shook.. “I’m so sorry.”

He wailed when the girl crawled back over and hugged him, and it was all he could do to try and move her and set her down in his lap. Everything was blurry from crying when he felt for the book and opened it, and when he started reading out loud, he kept mixing up the words and losing his place.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered to her at every mistake. The girl didn’t know what to do except to hug him harder.

The story was about a Krytan man named Janto Addlen who traveled to Cantha to learn to be a paragon, a magical warrior who inspired his allies. Together, the band of them traveled the world to help others, and whenever they had to fight, they always gave defeated enemies a chance to repent of their ways and join with them instead.

“They’re all so much better than me,” Andrew whispered. That caused the girl to lean away and look at him. “All these people just do good things, and all I can do is hurt people. I can’t even read to a little girl without being mean.”

“I’m not little.”

“I never even asked your name.” Tears sprang up in his eyes again.

“I’m Ana.”

Andrew nodded and turned the page on the book. A picture showed Janto Addlen taking an orphan boy as an apprentice. He never even asked what the boy had done. He didn’t know if the boy had killed someone with kids. Maybe he’d made other orphans.

“What’s your name?”

Andrew looked back down at the book. Janto Addlen. In the others it had been Vincent Adega and Lance Cadell.

“Can you call me Janto Adega Cadell?” Andrew asked.

Ana laughed at him. “Okay.”

“Thank you. I’m going to read you any books you want from now on, okay?”

Eternity

The day of the jungle assault...

Tindorin had been missing for days, and when we finally found him it was too late. The thornwallow had nearly taken him. The nightmare had laid its roots.

I will die or I will turn. I won’t turn, Janto.

My world spun. I remembered Lysander standing behind me with an axe. I had murdered my comrades for him. But he served Mordremoth. I had finally made what was supposed to be the right choice. I had murdered good people for nothing. That isn’t how it was supposed to go.

He came with the dawn. A sylvari of blossoming red, green and yellow. He was of peace, but righteousness burned in his eyes, and there was indignation in his sword

Another ship crashed into the Jade Wind, throwing Lysander and I flying toward the edge. Had I died?

Remember what I said, Tindorin. Forever in song.

My last memory of Tindorin came rushing back.

Magnolia sat beneath the waterfall, Tindorin wrapped in her arms. She was so beautiful in her heart — she didn’t deserve any of this pain. Her magic soothed Tindorin, took away the pain. That was all she would do. The dagger was in my hand.

Behind me, Inasis poured out a bedtime story her mother had told her as a child. It was something for him to take with to the dream. Tindorin listened with the same fond smile he had for everyone.

I knelt close.

I love you. Why didn’t I say it? Instead I said We love you. We’ll miss you. It was everything I could do not to cry. If I cried, the damn sylvari would try to comfort me.

Goodbye, hero. You were a light in the night sky.

My dagger found a clean and quiet death for Tindorin. I pressed it into his side and gently let the life out of him. I did my best to keep the pressure on, so he wouldn’t feel the blade moving around inside of him. The grip of my dagger pressed so hard into my palm. Right in the center. I kept it right there, and held on until my best friend was dead.

The world dimmed.

I was vaguely aware again. I was laying in grass. There were cliffs on either side, and the wreckage of airships all around. I was surrounded by bodies. One of them was moving. I think it was Lysander.

“Modremoth,” he called. “Your servant returns!”

A tiny weight on my chest warmed, and I thought I saw an Oakheart lean over me. I tried to move, to see what Lysander was doing, but the darkness took me again.

I’d never visited Tindorin’s grave after we buried him. Inasis had asked, but with Deci missing it was too easy to find a convenient excuse not to. But it hurt me every time I told her no, more because she knew I was just putting it off. And she waited with me, even though I knew it pained her. Gods, she’s so patient with me.

In my dreams, Tindorin’s grave was an unmarked spot on the cliffside overlooking the sea. I couldn’t have made a monument worthy of him, but all the stars in the night sky above the rolling waves did their very best. I sunk to my knees and tried to take it all in.

The cool breeze blew through my hair, and I closed my eyes to try and see his face again.

“You were a hero worthy of storybooks, Tindorin,” I said to no one. “I’m going to try to carry on, okay? I’m going to try be as good as you told me I was.”

A hand touched my shoulder.

“When I rescued you, you had fallen into a trap because a child needed help. You didn’t even look for the trick,” he said. “I think you had it figured out without me.”

I fell to my side so I could turn and look up. Tindorin of the Dawn stood over me, smiling the way he always did. As I lay there he crouched beside me. The tears came before I knew I had them. I held my head in my hands, sobbing like I hadn’t since I was a little boy. Why. Why? I’d lost so many friends and allies. Why did Tindorin hurt so badly?

He tried to put a hand on me and I pushed it away. No.

“Tindorin, why? Why didn’t you fight? Why did you just lay down and die? You coward.”

“You know why,” Tindorin whispered. “If you were sick and dying, how long would you want Ana to watch you suffer? She would fight and fight for you, and exhaust herself every night in tears when she failed. You would-”

“-I would find a way to go sooner.”

“I knew if I didn’t go, that all of you, the Mithril Lantern, would have gone on a rampage. If you didn’t die trying to find a way to help me, what would have been left of your souls?”

“Tindorin.”

“So I handed you the burden,” he whispered. “I know it hurts you, but I knew it was a burden you could carry, because you’re a fighter.”

“It feels like everything is falling apart. Deci, and now Modremoth. The Pact. I’m so lost.”

“No, things are just hard. Hard ground makes for strong roots.”

I laughed.

“What were the words of that song, Janto?”

“What song?”

“The song you sang. The one that guided me to you when you were lost.”

It felt like I had to dig into my heart to find my voice. I tried twice, but my voice was too rough. Tindorin only waited with a calm expression, warmly waiting as I cleared my throat.

“Go ahead,” he whispered.

“Another night begins

but it is not the end

no matter how much it sets

the sun also rises.”

“So fight, Janto. Even when it’s just you standing up, you’re not fighting alone. As long as you fight, I’ll be in the dream with memories of you, fighting. Saplings might not know what they are feeling, but every memory we shared is part of the dream now.”

I was aflame when I woke on the jungle floor.

The pain in my leg was not gone, but it was nothing. The hole Tindorin left in my heart was raw, and it hurt a hell of a lot more than any injury. I hurt so bad but that wasn’t going to stop me. I cast a slow look around at all the bodies, many smashed from the fall, but just as many had died to other wounds. I wasn’t the only one alive.

Lysander was digging through the wreckage of the Jade Wind with the help of an overgrown terragriff. The hulking creature came with the body of a bull, but chitinous armor replaced any skin or fur. An assortment of claws and spikes fused together only by a misty red magic formed two sets of long, whip-like claws. With its bull like horns it punched holes in the side of the ship.

“Lysander,” I barked.

The sylvari turned, his eyes popping wide like a man who had just discovered a strange specimen.

“You’re alive,” he laughed. “It doesn’t matter. You won’t survive much longer.”

“Survive?” I couldn’t help but give a soft laugh and shake my head. “Lysander, I’m tired of surviving.”

“Then I’ll make it very easy for you not to.”

I laughed again and took a step toward him. One foot set on the rubble I’d have to climb to reach the sylvari.

“You don’t get it,” I said. “I’m tired of surviving. I’m tired of living. You twisted my good intentions into something terrible, and I’ll suffer for that. But you. I’m going to free you if I have to kill you. Then I’ll go for Mordremoth.”

“What arrogance,” Lysander snarled. He looked back at the terragriff. “Keep digging. Find it. I have what I need to handle this human.”

He crouched into the rubble and grabbed something. When he stood, Lysander gave Twilight a practice swing. “The weight is surprisingly cooperative,” he said. “A powerful magic weapon. And you’re unarmed.”

“Come and get me if you think so.”

The sylvari’s speed was impressive. With precise, nimble leaps he charged down the rubble pile, Twilight blazing as a black and red banner over his shoulder. About halfway he was able to break into a sprint, and I tore my seraph tags from around my neck. I clenched a fist around them and held my arm straight out toward him.

“You’ve gone mad!”

Maybe I had. That was just fine with me. I closed my eyes and looked inside of myself.

A boiling black sea rose up to meet me. Each time the slick oil rolling around on top splashed it created bubbles that popped with a putrid scent. I set a hand inside and felt a panic twirl in my heart when my skin started to melt. I yanked my hand away and stared at my skin sloughing off.

“That’s how it has to be.”

I plunged my arm into the water and swirled it around. The thin, black layer gave way to my worries, my joys, and my fears. But that wasn’t the color I needed right now.

When I dove in the blackness followed me. It was as though a thousand tiny hands were reaching out and taking pieces of me, tearing them off like clay. I think I felt myself die from the feet up. It brought with a decaying sense of entropy. But it couldn’t really kill me. And as potent as the emotion was, it still wasn’t what I wanted. I’d let it rule me too much lately. What I wanted was that red egg hiding all the way at the bottom. I reached it far more easily than I had anticipated, and when I did I closed a fist around it.

When I opened my eyes Lysander was on top of me, leaping through the air with Twilight pulled back for an arcing slice. I had no more words. Nostrils flaring, I breathed deeply through my nose and cornered my anger. I cornered my rage with a snarl on my lips and tears in my eyes. Pink and white flowers blossomed from my clenched fist, and the arc of a longbow sprouted from Tindorin’s orb.

Corruption was everywhere today. It had taken too many in Orr, it had taken Daxx and in a sick way it dogged Deci. It had put a dagger in my hand and had taken Tindorin’s life. I was fed up with it. Today. Right now.

It would be cleansed.

When I pulled back on Kudzu’s misty bowstring it was like I’d thrown back the curtain. A world of billowing rage spread on fiery wings from the legendary bow and dove into Lysander. All the force on his leap was nothing before the flames. He howled and I answered with my own berserk roar as my hair singed and curled back. Lysander’s entire body shriveled to nothing in the same way, and as the flames soared on into the sky they left only Twilight.

“Seeing this would have broken Tindorin's heart,” I whispered. “I'm glad he didn't have to feel this pain.”

The terragriff took notice. It didn’t have any reason to mock me the way Lysander had, and immediately charged down the rubble, its four ebony claws lashing out ahead. I wasted no time either. As soon as Twilight was back in my hands I let Kudzu disperse and held the glowing core in my spare hand. I heard Nasrin laugh in relief somewhere nearby.

The sea inside me was hot red, and I felt it storm when I plunged the orb into Twilight’s blade. The sun rose. A painted blue sky came to life inside the weapon and it flowed through the blade, spreading brilliant oranges and golds of the rising sun. The solid black gem on the pommel filled with the swirling mists of Tindorin’s orb and gave off a sun flare.

The terragriff lept for me and I planted my feet, gripped my weapon and swing it in a wide arc. Plumes of Tindorin’s flames poured out of the weapon, broiling in ever growing clouds that stretched around me in an eternity. I held the sword into the air and then plunged it into the earth. The flames exploded into the air, catching the monster. The blast sent the terragriff flying through the air until it crumbled against the nearby cliff wall.

Still alive, it whined and struggled to stand. One of its reaching claws was snapped in a bloody mess, and the others were crushed beneath it.

I marched toward it.

“Modremoth! I know you can hear me in there and I know you're watching just like Zhaitan was before we went to put him down. So listen very closely. I'm coming for you. I'm going to kill you. It might not be me who delivers the final blow, I might not be there for the last stand. But I will kill you. My actions will help lead to your death. In your last moments, when you finally understand fear, I want you to remember what I'm telling you right now. And I want you to remember the name Tindorin of the Dawn. He sent me and he was never yours.”

I ended Modremoth’s beast in another blast of burning rage.

Fin

[noesa]

Masterpost of Cryptic Shit from The Adventure Zone

Because damn Griffin’s given us a lot of mysteries to work with. (Excerpts from the show under the cut.)

PROPHECIES

The Grim Prophecy (The Crystal Kingdom, E39):

Taako, you hear a voice coming out of your bag. And it’s the fuse that Lucas recovered from his mother’s conduit and handed to you all...and this lantern is unlit, but you can feel some machinery inside of it faintly whirring. And you hear a voice inside of it, and the voice sounds kind of like Maureen’s voice, but totally lifeless and, for lack of a better term, inanimate. And you hear this voice deliver what sounds like, kind of a grim prophecy.

And this lantern says, “I saw all of existence all at once. I saw a dark storm, a living hunger eating it from within. But I saw a brilliant light heralded by seven birds, flying tirelessly from the storm. I saw seven birds: the Twins, the Lover, the Protector, the Lonely Journal-keeper, the Peacemaker, and the Wordless One.”

Paloma’s large prophecy (The Eleventh Hour, E45):

...you see two side-by-side visions in this black cloud that appears as [the crystal] shatters on the table. The first one just looks like an ocean made out of tar, with a black sky above it, and this tar is like bubbling, and you see some stuff moving under the surface of the tar but you can’t make out what it is, and that’s on the left picture. And the one on the right is just a grey world, covered in ash, that is just completely barren and lifeless. And Paloma looks up over this black cloud, and she looks completely- when she’s done her other prophecies it kind of looks like she’s having this out of body experience, now it just looks like she’s is just a baker possessed, and she says, in this deep voice:

“In the future, you will be offered a terrible choice, between two options that will determine the fate of reality itself. In this moment of crisis, remember: There is always a third option.”

Istus (The Eleventh Hour, E47):

“The three of you are just so special- you know that, right? Our existence is made up of countless realities where the same people are just doing the same actions at the same time in parallel worlds throughout the echoes of creation, except for you! The three of you are the only three that there are doing the things the three of you do here in this world! When I say that you’re unique, I’m not being flattering, I’m being quite literal... The three of you are anomalies, and I certainly have god-like powers and I don’t like to brag, but I’ve never known anything like the three of you and I don’t know why that is, but I’m intrigued...”

She says, “We’re seriously almost out of time- I have one last blessing for you, my emissaries. Your fate is guiding you- not today, not tomorrow, but to a moment that will challenge you in a new and horrible way. And I cannot make the difficult decision that lies at the end of your quest for you, but I can grant you the time that you need to make that decision.” And then, she just disappears for a couple of seconds, and when she reappears, she is wiping a tear from her eye. And she says, “You’re going to be amazing.”

Paloma’s final prophecy (The Eleventh Hour, E49):

“I have one last prophecy for you, Taako. Something you will need to know. In your hour of greatest need, you will find the power that you seek from the man wreathed in flames.”

THE UMBRASTAFF, LUP, AND THE RED ROBE

Acquisition (Here There Be Gerblins, E05):

You see in the corner of the room a figure that is huddled down... It is a skeleton that is sitting comfortably, that looks like it was positioned comfortably, in the corner of this room with its back up against the wall. It is draped in a bright, crimson robe, and holding what looks to be some sort of cane, with a curled end in one hand that is a bit obscured by its robe...but whoever this was, they have been dead for a very long time... He looks very chill, like he was sitting here and just kicking it, and just sort of wasted away... Any clothes that this person had on were gone, it’s just the robe and the cane that it’s holding... You look over the robe and it just seems to be a plain robe.

(Merle casts Detect Magic) Your mind starts to swirl- you get dizzy and faint because Detect Magic is a pretty basic spell that you've used quite a few times, but you've never really gotten a response from it like this, because the response you got from it was everything. It's all schools of magic. All of the magic that there is seems to be somehow embedded in this cane.

(Taako takes the Umbrastaff) You grab the cane and it's almost like the goddamn quickening happens in this room. There are bolts of lightning shooting out of Taako as he pulls this cane from the grip of the skeleton. And as you remove it from where it sort of had it enveloped in its robe, you realize it wasn't the end of a cane, but it was the handle of an umbrella. And as you pull this umbrella from the skeleton's grasp, the skeleton actually looks up at you like it's acknowledging your presence. And as you finally wrest it from its grasp, the skeleton and the bright crimson robe turn to ash.

Identification (Moonlighting, E09):

"That... let me see that." And he takes it off your hands and looks it over, and says... "This is a- there are very few of these, you should count yourself very lucky to have this. This is called an Umbrastaff, which was created by a clever order of wizards known as the Umbrawizards. They created magical items that looked like normal, everyday items that would allow them to conceal those staves and wands, and allow them to bring it into battle unseen. What makes these staves interesting is that they can consume the power of any magical item used by a wizard that you have bested in combat, and absorb their powers and become stronger. So you will want to hang on to this, it is quite a rare find."

Second confrontation (The Crystal Kingdom, E35):

(As the Red Robe is monologuing) “You three are the only- Taako, Taako where did you find that umbrella?” (Taako: “I took it off this dead person with a red robe.”) He’s starting to shudder, there’s red electricity kind of crackling through him, and he says, “Wh-what? Wait, what are you- you fouND HER?” As he shouts that, he bursts into flames and disappears.

Lup (Lunar Interlude III, E40):

You point your Umbrastaff at the box of macaroons and begin to cast Prestidigitation, but Prestidigitation does not come out of your Umbrastaff. It feels like your Umbrastaff is sort of exerting a will of its own, and Prestidigitation doesn’t come out of it, the spell Scorching Ray does... Scorching Ray comes out of your Umbrastaff again, and this time your Umbrastaff pulls your elbow so that it’s pointing in a straight line, and it’s firing the spell Scorching Ray into the wall, and you can feel the Umbrastaff making you trace a shape, and it carves out the letter L in fire on the wall, and then it does a U, and then it does a P, and then the staff shuts down and you just feel it lose any power that it was exerting over you in that moment.

Third confrontation (The Eleventh Hour, E49):

(After THB say they don’t trust the Red Robe) This red-robed figure falls to its knees, and he’s muttering to himself, like he’s trying to kind of calm himself down, and it doesn’t sound like every other time that he’s spoken to you, it sounds like a guy’s voice. And he says to himself, “Lup... they don’t trust me. I can’t do it anymore, Lup, I’m sorry.”

Kravitz (Lunar Interlude IV, E50)

[Kravitz] says, “There’s something here... I could feel it in the Millers’ lab too, it’s dead and it’s powerful and it’s extremely close. Are you harboring a dark spirit, Taako? Do you have suspicions that you might be some sort of vessel?” (Taako: “I eat old dudes with my Umbra, is that a possibility maybe?”) “I don’t, no I don’t think it’s that.” 

And he starts looking around, and Kravitz turns his back to you and starts to walk towards the middle of the quad, still kind of looking around for whatever this powerful dead thing is. And Taako, you actually feel the Umbrastaff in your hand start to raise itself up- it’s not controlling you, it’s controlling itself as your arm is outstretched holding the Umbrastaff and it is pointed at Kravitz’s back. It looks like it’s charging up a spell... You sort of wrestle with the umbrella for a second and point it skyward, and you shoot a Scorching Ray into the sky, and Kravitz turns immediately back towards you and says, “W-what was that?!” (Taako: “The Umbrastaff- it acted on its own.”)

You hand it over and Kravitz looks it over. “You’re sure this isn’t a cursed item, maybe your umbrella’s cursed and maybe you should get that checked out. This is an undead being, like a lich or something big and powerful- you’re not a lich, are you Taako?” (Taako: “Not to my knowledge.”) “No, you aren’t; I would know if you were.”

THE HUNGER, THE PLANES, AND THE RED ROBES

First confrontation (Petals to the Metal, E27):

And then [Captain Captain Bane] takes Magnus’s glass, and just chugs it. And then suddenly, his skin starts to turn that sickly black color that Hurley’s was after she dove into the silverpoint vines, and he falls to the ground dead. And as he falls you see a figure standing behind him. It’s actually not standing, it’s kind of floating, and it’s human-sized and human shaped, but you can’t really make out its race definitively, because all you can see is a bright red robe. (Magnus tries attacking the figure numerous times, but it is incorporeal.) You can’t see inside this floating red robe, all you can see is just complete pitch blackness with a single, small white light that illuminates as this red robe begins to speak.

And it asks, “Are you afraid?... Are you afraid of the dark?” His whispers are actually filling the room, they’re pretty loud. “...You do not know how to be afraid.” It extends a sleeve of its robe, and projects this almost holographic representation of a series of familiar faces: “Gundren Rockseeker, Magic Brian, Jenkins, Sloane, Captain Bane.” And as it says their names, these faces sort of appear in the palm of its hand, and it says, “This is the true nature of man: the want, the hunger. It consumes everything it touches, it can’t be stopped or changed. It’s the end of everything. This is your first lesson.” And it disappears in a spout of flame.

The Candlenights gift (The Crystal Kingdom, E29)

There is one gift left underneath the Candlenights shrub. And it has a tag on it, and it says “For Taako, Merle, and Magnus”. And it’s wrapped up in a very ornate paper, a shiny, glossy, silver paper, and it doesn’t have a ‘from’ name on it, doesn’t say who it’s from; just that it’s to the three of you...

You tear it open, and inside is a small, sort of fine velvet- almost like a jewelry giftbox. And as you pop it open and the three of you are sort of looking over into this package, as you open it up, you see there are three iron-on badges inside of this box. And they’re these dark blue circle, like, iron-on emblems. And inside of each of these blue fabric circles, there are twelve more circles, all of different colors around the outside of each badge. And in the middle is a word that’s written in a language that none of you recognize. You cannot read, you cannot make out what the word is, what these badges are for, because you cannot read the word in the middle. And tucked in between these three badges is a note that says, “For Your Eyes Only.”

Second confrontation (The Crystal Kingdom, E35):

Time stops, and you hear a voice from behind you ask that question, “What’s bigger than this?” ...You see a floating figure in a bright red robe. (Magnus tries attacking it, but he is incorporeal.) “...I spoke to you, about The Hunger of all living things...” He motions to all of the planes and says, “This is the power it seeks, the power of creation itself. A billion, billion lives have been devoured by this Hunger in pursuit of its power...” He waves his hand, and there’s a crate in the back of the room by the projector, and it looks kind of like a trash bin, and as he motions towards it it tips over, and some small gemstone disks crash out of it. One of them is a very dark disk, almost black, but you can see flecks of red and green and blue color in this black disk, and this disk begins to shake, and this horrifying black cloud sort of emerges out of it, and it slowly creeps towards these disks that are floating in the room, and one by one just consumes them. And as each disk is consumed, you hear screaming voices coming from it; it is an absolutely terrifying scene, and it consumes the Prime Material Plane and you feel kind of sick watching it. And after it has consumed all of them, this red robed figure snaps his fingers, and the cloud disappears, this vision leaves you. And he says, “There’s no more running. There’s no escape. This world is life’s last chance...”

THB Death Counts (The Crystal Kingdom, E38):

“I was assigned your family’s bounty, Lucas, but when I came here- that was when I found an even bigger trophy..." [Kravitz] flips through a few pages of this book that’s floating in front of him. “Let’s see, let’s see... Taako! We’ll start with you! Taako, you’ve died eight times... You’ve died eight times and checked into the Astral Plane exactly zero times.”

He flips through the book again and goes, “Magnus, let’s do you next. Magnus... what’s your family name? (Magnus: “Burnsides.”) Oh yeah, that’s right. Magnus Burnsides, you’ve died nineteen times! (Magnus: “That doesn’t sound right!”) And you’ve made zero trips to the Astral Plane.”

“Merle Highchurch. Merle, Merle, Merllle-fucking-Highchurch. You, my dear friend- care to take a guess? Care to wager a guess? (Merle: “I’m just surprised my middle name is ‘fucking’, I had no idea!”) Merle Highchurch, the richest bounty I’ve ever hunted. You, my dear man, have died fifty-seven times. Fifty-seven times! Fifty-seven, and you’ve never come to visit! You’ve never come to visit me, Merle! That’s just rude!”

Static in the Memories (The Eleventh Hour, E48):

(As the Temporal Chalice rewinds through Magnus’ memories) ...And then you are in the years preceding this adventure, which June is watching intently and kind of taking mental notes as she goes, and then she rewinds a bit faster through the years preceding this adventure, and she hits this long period of static. You’ve seen it pop up a few times, where your memories are actually a bit blurry- they become literally blurry around you, and you can’t see them quite as well. And the things you’ve forgotten, they just disappear and become this static, and she hits this huge, huge period of static.

And while she’s rewinding quickly through it, she says: “What- what happened to you guys?! You’re all missing time- like, a lot of time.”

(Magnus: “What period is this?”) This would be about twelve years before the adventure started, or about twelve years before where we are now- somewhere in that timeframe. But she’s rewinding and there’s just a lot of static. Like, a lot of it.

She says: “I guess it’s not really important to what we’re doing here, it’s just- it’s weird, man.”

Third confrontation (The Eleventh Hour, E49):

“Did you retrieve the cup?” (THB: “Yeah.”) “What did you change?” (THB: “We didn’t do anything with it.”) “You didn’t use the cup? I’m really proud of you, I thought that maybe there was a chance that this would be the one to end your adventure.” (Magnus: “Wait- you’re the red robe, you’re one of the bad guys.”) “Who’s told you that?” (THB: “Everybody.”)

“I need to know: do you trust me?” (THB: “No.”) As you say that, that you don’t trust him, this apparition, this red-robed ghost- it’s a lich, floating in front of you- it starts to lose its composure, and I mean that literally, the spectral form starts to jerk violently... [Merle] dodges out of the way as a bolt of red energy whips off this red robe and moves past you. And this red-robed figure falls to its knees, and he’s muttering to himself, like he’s trying to kind of calm himself down, and it doesn’t sound like every other time that he’s spoken to you, it sounds like a guy’s voice. And he says to himself, “Lup... they don’t trust me. I can’t do it anymore, Lup, I’m sorry.”  And he calms down, and the sort of distortion that was happening to him kind of fades, and he stands back up and says, “The next time we meet, I will need you to trust me, completely and absolutely. Otherwise, all of this, will have been for nothing. The Hunger is almost here, and when it arrives, this world will be lost.” And, he disappears.

The statue designs (The Eleventh Hour, E49):

[June] hands [Magnus] a tube, and it’s the kind of tube that scholars might store scrolls inside, and she says, “I think you should have this.” And the tube has your name scrawled on the outside of it... In your head you hear the voice of the Red Robe who you’ve seen a few times now, and he says, “Magnus. If you open that tube, Magnus, it’s going to be harder for me to protect you...”

Magnus, you are in a little corner of the dining hall, which is a big massive communal space for the Bureau. Late as it is, there’s nobody else here; that gives you the privacy that you need to look at what’s inside this tube one more time. And you pop it open and unfurl the parchment, and there’s something strange about the parchment inside of this tube, which is that you can see it, you can see what’s on it, but when you try to draw conclusions based on what you see, when it is you try to understand what it is you’re seeing, your mind turns to static. And it’s an incredibly uncomfortable sensation.

So what you see inside the tube are two sheets of paper. And the first one is a design for the statue in the middle of Refuge depicting Jack, June, and the broad-shouldered Red Robe standing between them. And it has a date etched in the corner of it. The other piece of parchment, when you look at the date you can tell this was an older draft of this statue, an older design of the same statue. And in this earlier sketch, Jack and June look exactly the same; but the Red Robe’s hood is pulled down, and you can see his face. And it’s an incredibly familiar face, Magnus, because it’s your face. This figure in this red robe is you.

The Voidfish (Lunar Interlude IV, E50): 

[The Voidfish] reaches out and taps you on the forehead, and as it does, your vision goes dark. You, actually, are shown a memory, and it’s not your memory. You are seeing a memory and you know that you are seeing it from the perspective of the Voidfish. And you’re in a dark place filled with twinkling crystal that are casting these dancing lights on the wall, and it’s the wall of a cave, you’re inside a cave, but it feels- because you’re feeling what the Voidfish is feeling in this memory- it feels like home.And you know that because there’s other Voidfish here too. And they are of varying sizes, and- you know how the Voidfish has a spiraling galaxy of lights inside of it? There are other Voidfish with different patterns of lights rotating inside of their gelatinous bodies, and you feel safe in this place. But you know that the other Voidfish have been communicating stories of a coming storm that will doom this home, that will doom this safe place. And so the Voidfish worked to build up their defensives and shut the world out, and because they’re sort of isolating themselves from this coming storm, they don’t really have any interest in entertaining these visitors that arrive, who are groundwalkers. And they’re clad in these brilliant red robes- and then suddenly the vision goes to static.

It sort of pulls away from you in shock. The Voidfish seems kind of scared, it seems kind of worried. But after a moment it reaches out a tendril and touches you on the forehead again, and you’re pulled into another vision, and you are the Voidfish again, and you are with one of these red robes. And you are sprinting towards a great, silver ship- a great, silver boat that is starting to lift upwards out of the water where it’s docked, and then suddenly the vision goes to static. And the Voidfish kind of retreats again, scared that it can’t show you this vision.

(Magnus: “Why me? I feel like we are connected in some way, why?”) The Voidfish thinks about it, and then it touches you on the forehead with one of its tendrils, and tries to show you that exact same scene of it being taken towards a big, silver ship. This time in the vision- which you can only see for a few seconds before it statics out- you see the sky is just pitch black. There is nothing happening in the sky. And you also see something horrifying: it looks like there are these big, black pillars of tar sort of just falling out of the sky and smashing into the world that you’re on. And you also realize that you are sprinting towards this ship, and then the vision goes to static again, and it pulls back away from you...

(Magnus: “Is that a vision of the past?”) It flashes once for yes. (Magnus: “Is that a vision of my past?”) It doesn’t know how to answer that.

[The Voidfish] sort of spins excited, like it has an idea. And then it reaches out and touches you on the forehead, and you see what looks like a galaxy. You see this big scene, but really quickly it statics out. And it tries again, but this time it looks more rudimentary, like a 3d animation or something, but that statics out. And it keeps trying this and trying this, but every time it does the vision becomes more and more and more abstract, and finally it shows you a vision that you can see all of without any static, that has been abstracted down to the point of looking like it’s a child’s drawing. And it’s all just crayons and abstract shapes, and these shapes seem to tell a story that you can see all of without being interrupted by the static.

So, you see twelve circles of all different colors, and they are arranged in a larger circle, and they’re rotating in perfect harmony with each other. They continue this orbit for a few seconds, and then you see a bright white circle of light that sort of flies in and lands in the center of their dance. And for a moment, these twelve multicolored rotate a bit faster, with more complex rhythms, spiraling inwards and outwards in this beautiful choreography, all with that white light at the center of it. And during that frenzied movement another shape appears, and it’s a huge black circle that slowly encompasses everything you see, and it grows larger with each circle that’s consumed, and it’s just that black circle. But then that white light shoots out of its side and flies away, and that black circle moves slowly in pursuit. And then you see the same cycles of the spinning circles, and the light appearing, and then the big black circle coming to devour all of it, and it plays about four or five times before you have to swim up to get a breath of air...

You read the sheet music [for the Voidfish’s song] as you did when you were first starting out, letter-by-letter, and when you read it like that the notes read: E-G-G. B-A-B-E. (Magnus: “Baby... you had a baby? You have an egg.”) As soon as you have that realization, as soon as you say that out loud, in a room that you’re not in, and in a room you’ve never been, something reacts to you saying what you just said in the Voidfish’s chamber, and a quick, bright light flashes, and a small, quiet alarm bell rings.

Merle and the Red Robe (Lunar Interlude IV, E50):

(As a cart comes barreling towards Merle’s children) You’re too far away to do anything but run towards them and watch what happens next, and what happens next is pretty incredible. Because right when the wagon is about to fall on your kids, it changes directions suddenly and violently, and it pitches 90 degrees to the right instantly, sending the whole wagon and all of its contents crashing through the front wall of this candy shop, sending the jars of sweets crashing to the floor and just destroying the front facade of this shop... To the left of this scene of destruction, several yards away, you see, obscured by a pile of shipping crates and downed sails, you see the red-robed figure that you’ve encountered half a dozen times now, and his arm is outstretched and crackling with energy. And he lowers his arm and he turns to face you, and he nods, and he disappears.

The unknown room (Lunar Interlude IV, E50):

What [the audience] is seeing is a disheveled study, who’s preparing for something big. It’s somewhere underground- there’s a chill in the air permeating these wetstone walls, and the room is lit by several dozen candles which are all arranged around a desk which are piled high with magical tomes, and piles of maps. Behind that desk is a large wooden board that is displaying a map of the whole of Faerun, the continent that this story takes place on. And there are strings connecting images and diagrams at certain points on the map, like Fandolin and Armos and Greenhold and Rockport and Goldcliff and Neverwinter. And all these different cities are connected by this web of strings and pictures and diagrams. And it’s the board of someone who has been tracking the relics and the Bureau intently.

Other than the candles, there’s another source of light in this room, which is a six-foot-tall glowing pod that stands on the opposite end of the room from the desk. And it’s full of a swirling green liquid, and inside we can see something growing- or rather, someone growing. There’s a body being created inside of this pod, but the liquid is too opaque for us to see who it is. And the last thing we see is the desk again, and there’s a scroll that is unfurled and held in place by four candles, one at each corner. And this scroll is an incredibly detailed map, with a route drawn through it in red, and it is a map depicting, with perfect accuracy, the headquarters of the Bureau of Balance.

Pringles (The Suffering Game, E51):

(Magnus: “Why are you in [the brig]?”) “Why am I in the brig- they didn’t tell you? It was, like, treason I guess, dude, and I-I’ll be honest, The Director didn’t believe me, nobody believed me, but, like, something had me go all through the Bureau of Balance, even places I wasn’t authorized to be, and then I just kinda woke up and I was in a place I wasn’t supposed to be, and then The Director arrested me summarily, and I’ve been here ever since.”

(Magnus: “What was the place that you woke up in?”) “It was a dark room, and I was right by this big, heavy vault door, and I- I know I was in The Director’s personal space, I saw some of her stuff back there, and- yeah, that’s where they found me, man.”

(Magnus: “Can you tell me anything you remember from before your body was taken over and you moved without your control?”) “I was in our bunk... I was just in our bunk and you guys were out on a mission, and I was real lonely, and then my vision just kinda went red, and then the next thing I know I woke up. That’s it! I hadn’t had any Pringles that day, so I thought maybe I was in some sort of fugue state.”

Divination (The Suffering Game, E56)

(Merle casts Divination, which lets him ask Pan a single question.) Oh, this is perfect. You pray- what’s your question? (Merle: “What is going on with my holy powers.”) Here is the truthful response- this is Griffin, not Pan, speaking- here is the truthful response to your question: Pan’s not answering. It’s not- you know beyond a shadow of a doubt he’s just not there. He’s not there supporting you with holy power, he’s not- he’s just... gone. And this is fucking terrifying, this spell that you’re casting is essentially like a telephone call of a prayer, and Pan has always answered. But not this time. He is not there, and it’s not- you can tell it’s not like you’re getting bad reception on your prayer, you feel it going through, he’s just not picking up. (Merle: “He’s not there, or he’s not answering?”) You don’t know the answer to that. But the reason that your spells aren’t working is because they are powered by Pan, and right now Pan is not there for you.

The Astral Plane is Consumed (The Suffering Game, E56)

(As Magnus drifts through the Ethereal Plane) You see a tear in the fabric of space. And it looks familiar, because you saw something similar to that during your time in Lucas’ lab. It is a rift open to the Astral Plane, where the souls of the deceased go after their death in the Material Plane. And you are drifting into it, Magnus, because you're dying.

(As Taako goes into the Ethereal Plane after Magnus) You see Magnus being sucked into a rift to the Astral Plane, and you recognize the Astral Plane from Lucas’ lab, you recognize it as Kravitz’s home, it is the plane where dead bodies- dead souls go to the afterlife, and you see Magnus getting sucked into this portal...

Magnus, you don’t see Taako flying towards you quite yet, you just see the Astral Plane in the rift opening up and sucking you into it, and- again, you’ve seen the Astral Plane before- in the Cosmoscope, you saw it too, in the mirror- and when you saw it then it was just like, this tranquil sea filled with swirling lights and souls retired to rest in a collective consciousness. Through this rift you see the same sea, but it is choppy, and it’s violent, and there’s no lights below the surface- in fact, you kind of see what looks like an oil slick on the surface, and the sky is stormy and pitch black, and nobody’s there. Kravitz isn’t there...

Taako, you grab Magnus’ hand just as his feet are being pulled into the Astral Plane, and you can see into it also... You both see into the Astral Plane, and you can tell something is seriously wrong. And just as you pull Magnus back, Taako, you see a hand splash up from the choppy waters, you see Kravitz and he’s sort of struggling to pull himself up to the surface of the water. The oil- this black oil on the surface of the water- just twists around him, and pulls him back under, and you feel that oil calling for both of you as well and you’re both getting pulled into the rift now, but with a 20 you fight back against the pull, and both of you are flying back to the center of the room.

Magnus Remembers (The Suffering Game, E57)

Magnus, I’ve got something for you. You just got your ass kicked, and when that happens, you feel a vision sort of wash over you. And suddenly you are miles away from this fight. (Magnus: “Meditating.”) Well, no... you’re remembering? But this act of remembering is so, like, powerful that you are in another state. So you just got your ass kicked, and you remember another time you got your ass kicked, and it was a time when you saved a dog from some bullies that were kicking it around. And you remember this memory really well- it was one of the things you saw when you spoke to the Chalice in the last arc. 

But there were parts of this memory that seemed a little foggy, like something was off, and you didn’t realize what was off until this moment. And in this particular vision, one thing that was kind of foggy was a big one- it was the sky. And as you look up in this memory, you’re lying on the ground- you’ve just gotten beaten up by these kids, scared ‘em off, and I think the dog comes and licks your face before it also kind of ungratefully takes off- so you’re laying on your back and looking up at the sky, and the sky is this unnatural light purple color. And as you stop to think, like - “Wow, that’s weird” - you realize that there are two suns in the sky. And they’re nearly overlapping each other right on the horizon, and you think - “Ah, that’s weird” - and then you remember that it’s not weird at all, because that’s how it is, here, in your home. This world that this memory is taking place in, this is your home- this world that you’re on now, this place you’re at and have been for a while, it is not where you’re from.

...Right as he catches it, you have another vision. It’s another memory that you are remembering so powerfully and vividly that you just aren’t here any more. And this one isn’t like the other one where it was kind of fuzzy and then cleared up; this one is just static, until it isn’t. And you are walking through some badlands. It’s this arid landscape of cracked red rock and clay as far as the eye can see, with a few shrubs poking through. And you are lost. You are so lost in this unforgiving environment, and you came here to hide something? That part is still a little bit foggy, you’ve made something and you’re terrified of it, and you came to this place to hide it but you got lost and now you’re so thirsty. You’ve removed the jacket of your uniform, which you’ve kind of sweat through- it is a bright crimson red uniform, with an insignia patch over the left breast pocket. You’ve taken that off because it’s just too hot to have a jacket on right now. And you’re just stumbling through this badlands, and you see this stranger- you actually see two strangers in the distance, a man and a small girl. And they approach you, and they offer you a drink, and they offer you kindness and hospitality. And they’re really good people. You spend some time with them and they’re just really good. And so you decide that you’re going to hide your creation with them. Because they’re the ones who are going to be able to keep this cup safe.

...All of you get a hard-earned, good night’s rest. And Magnus, you dream some wild shit. Too many things, actually, to remember all of the next morning, but there are two visions that stick out and they are just as powerful as the ones you’ve experienced so far. And the first is you’re standing on the deck of a silver ship, and there are some other red-robed figures standing around you- although you can’t quite make out their faces- and this ship is soaring into the sky. And it’s flying away from a land that is being consumed by this wave of darkness, with these ribbons of bright red and green and blue inside- it’s just being swallowed up.

And the other vision that you can recall is really simple: it’s the Voidfish. Floating up into its tank is a thick book, bound in blue leather and silver trim. (Magnus: “And I don’t recognize the book at all?”) No.

Barry Bluejeans (The Suffering Game, E57)

(After describing the scene from the epilogue of Lunar Interlude IV) There’s another thing in this room that catches your eye, and that’s a small, plain wooden chest. And draped over that chest is a red robe- like, an actual, tangible red robe, not the personification that you’ve been talking to. And sown into its breast you see a familiar symbol, you see a circular patch with a design containing twelve multicolored circles and a sort of shifting, imparsable text in the middle of it. Only Magnus, you can read that text, as plain as day. It’s an acronym, and it says I.P.R.E.

And the Red Robe speaks and says, “I acquired this invention years ago, and I’ve used it to recreate my physical form several times now in pursuit of my goal. I’ve come close, but I’ve never reached that goal- it’s because, when I’m in my body, I’m gonna forget all the truths that I know now in my lich form. And I can try to convince myself to follow my own commands-” and he shows you that coin-shaped object that you saw him speaking into earlier- “but, well, I can be pretty stubborn. And I also don’t have any of my potent magical abilities inside my body, because I’m not gonna remember the fact that I’m a lich at all.”

Magnus, he looks at you and says, “Magnus, I see your wheels spinning and I’m sorry, but it takes months for this device to grow a new body and we don’t have months, fellas, we have hours. I’m gonna go into that tank and into my body, and then the four of us are gonna head back to the Bureau of Balance and we’re gonna get the truth that we deserve. And it’s gonna be- uncomfortable, here, in a bit, 'cause you’re gonna recognize me but I’m not gonna recognize you so- I apologize in advance for my rudeness.” He drifts towards the tank and says, “If we all follow my commands, we will be successful. I have been planning this for some time and I believe whole-heartedly in my preparations.”

...And at this time, Magnus, you’re struck with one more vision and this one’s a doozy. You have your back up to a cliff’s edge, axe drawn, an army of shadows approaching. And the sky is pitch black. So black that the sky can’t contain it all, it looks like there are columns of tar illuminated with streaks of red and green and blue just falling, just dripping out of the sky and plowing into the ground. And in the distance, you see a silver ship weave between those columns and fly out of sight. And when you see it fly away you feel this sense of immense relief. And next to you, you see a human man. And he’s wearing the same crimson uniform that you’ve got on with the same patch, only instead of a jacket he’s wearing a full robe. And he looks at you as this horde is about to overrun you, and he drops the wand that he’s holding and a black spike shoots from out of the horde into his chest, and he staggers but he stays on his feet, and he turns and he looks at you, Magnus, and he smiles. And he says, “Well. We’ll get ‘em next time.”

...The membrane encasing this pod splits, and green-brownish fluid splashes out and onto the floor, and a stout, naked human man steps out of the pod. And you recognize his face instantly. It’s the face of a man who you quite reasonably assumed you would never see again, because the last time you saw this face it was being swallowed up in the righteous fire that destroyed the town of Phandalin. But here he is.

Barry’s back.

BRIGHT, WHITE EYES

The Eclipse (Lunar Interlude 2, E28):

You’re blasted by this supersonic noise... (The THB pass their saving throws.) You retain your consciousness, but everyone around you has fallen face-first on the ground... Because you stayed conscious, you can distinguish some sounds in this calamity, and it sounds almost like 20 orchestras are all playing all at the same time around you. It just sounds like this cacophonous- you’re standing in the middle of a circle and all around you are these orchestras that are just blasting you with music, and you hear these thousands if not millions of whispers, but they’re all happening at the same time and they’re all so loud that you can’t really make out any particular word that they’re saying, you just understand that there are these whispers around you... The eclipse only lasts thirty seconds or so, and as the equinox reaches its apex and the light of the sun is completely blotted out, the three of you can see in the sky for just two seconds, the sky is filled with thousands of bright white eyes, and they’re all just burning intensely. And then as the sun and moon part from one another, they fade out just as quickly as they appeared; and as the equinox passes, the music also fades, and then it’s back to normal.

Taako’s first Blink (Petals to the Metal, E18):

You blink into the Ethereal Plane and suddenly your vision goes grey - you blink out of view from Merle and Magnus - and the scene in front of you, other than the color swap change, stays relatively the same. But for a split second, for a flash after you enter this Ethereal Plane, you see three grey figures with bright white eyes standing all around the room, sort of positioned all around the room, sort of surveying the scene, and as soon as you appear in this Ethereal Plane and see them for just a second, before you can even discern what they are, they blink out of view.

The black opal mirror (The Crystal Kingdom, E35):

The mirror on the floor- the black mirror that you saw that cloud come out of, from where you’re standing from fairly far away, you see some faint white moving shapes in it. (Magnus approaches it.) Standing over it, you can actually see what look like white eyes looking back at you through this black mirror. And as they sort of make eye contact with you, these eyes quickly shut and disappear.

Lucas: “...That one’s made out of- let me see- that one’s made out of black opal, which is- I mean, it’s inert. I mean, it doesn’t resonate with any planes.”

Taako’s second Blink (The Suffering Game, E53):

In the Ethereal Plane- hey, it’s been a while since you blinked, hasn’t it? (Justin: Yeah.) It’s been a few story arcs. The last time you blinked was in the lobby of the Goldcliff Trust, the bank, and you saw some creatures, small creatures with these bright white eyes that were kind of looking at you, kind of watching you, and there were a few in that ethereal version of the lobby... You see them again in the ethereal version of this room, but Taako, they are lining the walls. There are hundreds of them, all looking at you, and as soon as you appear, as soon as you see them, they just sort of scurry back through the walls and blink out of existence... They look vaguely humanoid, they sort of have long featureless arms and legs...but their defining features are their big old white eyes, and their bodies are white too, everything in the Ethereal Plane is made of this wispy white material. So yeah, these little one-foot-tall vaguely humanoid beings were kind of spying on you. And they disappear as soon as you blink.

Magnus Visits the Ethereal Plane (The Suffering Game, E56)

(As Magnus drifts through the Ethereal Plane) You also see some other stuff, too. You see other figures in the room, you see small, white, humanoid figures that are hiding behind the mannequins and clinging to the ceiling, and as you look at them they scurry away out of sight.

EXPOSITION

Liches (The Crystal Kingdom, E35):

A lich is sort of this embodiment of a very powerful magic-user who sort of combines their essence, their life energy, with their magical energy, and sort of transcends their physical form. Technically, it’s like an undead- imagine, like, a ghost made out of magic.

But a magic-user has to kind of willfully do that... except what’s interesting is that most liches- when a magic-user does this, it’s way too ambitious a thing, and they can’t really control that energy, and most liches are just insane. They have no control over themselves, they’re just hyper-violent, hyper-evil embodiments of raw magical energy. They are not usually well-spoken beings.

[thegeminisage]

more botw blogging, SUPER spoilery

this is a real long post sorry normally i break these up and this time i didn’t

and finally, off we go to a new province

this time im making its tower my first stop, since i can see it from here

i tried to paraglide across the river but i didn't have enough height so i landed on the cliffside and ITS RAINING!!!!! for fucks sake

i cant believe this game actually got me to hate rain..........

not only that but when i died in the water it didn't reload me back to where i started to glide from but a bit of cliff i stood on lol so #struggles right from the first minute

rain for the next 3 hours.......and i gotta climb it in the rain....jesus

i guess i could fast travel but i'd have to walk all the way back there :/

hmm. maybe the gae's throwing me the rain on purpose. an npc mentioned this river was notoriously difficult to cross :///

yep as soon as i turned away: it cleared. Great

well i see some bridge-like things further downstream i guess i'll check that out

lol jk i managed to glide across a different part and climb

like i saw my forecast change but then it changed back to sun so w/e i'll take it im up here now

aaaaah i can see so many cool things from here!!!!! i cant wait to explore them all!!!! that #new province feel

i hate like, feeling obligated to track down every last bit of stuff in the old ones when you're seeing new exciting stuff

but i love the feel of getting to a new one and not even knowing which cool thing to check out first

ohhh my god lol there's a big-ass bokoblin camp on the way to the tower i think i see a moblin but im not sure

aaaand im dead

at least there werernt any moblins!

tbh it isnt a difficult camp i just wasnt vigilant about healing

me every time i see something new: what the Fuck is that!?

in this case it was an ice wizzrobe which made it snow EVERYWHERE oh my god

That Was Difficult

if i didn't have my fire arrows and lynel bow it would have taken way longer

i died again!!!

those weird pattern bokoblins have SO much attack power ):

come on i have to clear out the camp AGAIN? and kill the wizzrobe?

naw dude i am skipping this nonsense i am going straight up the fucking cliff

HA i sniped them from above >:3

w

there's a zora on top of this tower!!!!!!!

omg poor thing he can't get back down i wish i could carry him on my paraglider

man i love the tower cutscenes and music and the way they unfold it's so cool

BIG SHINY NEW PROVINCE YYYYEAH!!!!

oh hey i found another zora down near these bridges

they all want me to go see their prince haha noooo i have too much to explore!!!

oooh it's so easy to get all turned around on these bridge thingies

man i love this province it's SO pretty

ah i found a goron on a sandbar!! how did you get out here with all this water...

nooo the blood moon again i knew it was coming the music has been funny all night >:(

lol jk the music faked me out its 2am and i warped to the stable for nothing (i was trying to get that one dude's reaction)

i came back and did the shrine and found another zora!! lol they all really want me to go see that dude

there's a thing i need to climb but ugh rain

while i was bored i chopped grass and attached octo balloons to things

now i am in the wetlands which are AWFUL to walk through i can practically feel the mud squishing between my toes and i want to die lmao

there are horses here!! i miss mine ):

ive done enough shrines now to get another upgrade but i dont feel like doing all that backtracking blegh

oh noooo i see a guardian out here, a moving one ;_;

ah it's been awhile since i failed to fight the still ones on the plateau...i wonder what the start screen meant by "the right tools" ive got a lot of damn tools!! did they mean arrows??

lol yet another zora telling me to meet with the prince.........dude

this prince must be either desperate or spoiled

uh

okay maybe its a glitch but i think?? i see?? a flying island in the distance? What The Fuck

wait no it looks kind of like a ship or giant bird??

my pins don't stick to it, it's definitely moving around

jesus fuck

AHAHAH FUCK THE GUARDIAN SAW ME

HAD TO TAKE REFUSE IN THE FUCKING SHRINE

jesus christ i hate those things!!!! you can't kill them!!!!!!!

NO oh my god there's a hinox over here too

why this Why This

lol the hinox fighting music is giving me trauma flashbacks

actually that wasnt so bad with a defense elixir on

maybe it's just me but this province feels kinda small? i feel like i could finish exploring it p quickly, which is nice

not that i'm not having fun but i know i'm going so slowly ):

me every five seconds: i miss my hooorse i want one to ride around to go faaaaster

i guess...i could catch...one of these

and like. not register it bc the stable is 10000 miles away but

a temp ride. let's see if i can. need to use up some of my sneak potions anyways

i caught one and rode it awhile, but my heart's not in training it...i want My Horse

oh my god wait i hear town music!! is this a stable right here!! AAAAAH

so i did catch a pretty black one and named it luna - had to let the first one i caught go lol but it didn't have great stats and i only rode it once so it'll be happier in the wild probably

KASS IS AT THIS STABLE IM SO HAPPY SO IS HESTU

he's playing epona's song i'm gonna CRY

I MISS EPONA IM DYING

oh my god he had a story for me!! the same one that impa told!!!!! man

the music is still so good. fuck.

lmao i was talking to one dude and he was like well might as well head back inside ugh that place is so filthy and the women so free you might as well call it a manfill

UM?? NINTENDO??

i can see hyrule castle super close from where i am and it looks super scary and i super want nothing to do with it rn

i get the feeling you can like, go in there whenever? maybe even do the endgame stuff early? but oh my god i Dont wanna

OMG i just mounted a bear

i read that you could ride things other than horses but holy shit lmao

i mean

it killed me after i got off, but man

sadly i must now board my horse and continue with The Story see i explored the non-story bits of that province SUPER quickly dang

oh no

this shrine is called a minor test of strength

Oh No

Why, God

oh. that was actually like SUPER easy compared to the other two haha phew

this lady at the crossroads said the prince was creepy omg i knew there was something, ahaha, excuse me, "fishy"

whoa i love his music theme!!

lmao i always get so SHOCKED when they talk!!! even still!!!!!

voice acted cutscenes of this game are like fmvs of final fantasy games in generations 5-7 lol

oh my god...the wink/sparkle thing...he's such a HAM

he's flattering me TOO much omg dude what do you want.......

ok, ok, i like him

he doesn't seem very trustworthy but since his people are in trouble i'll cut him some slack on that one

oh nooo i gotta climb this in the rain......

ah, it's sunshowering tho! that's kinda neat

i just got attacked by octoroks and my heart wept a little because traveling up zora's river dodging octoroks to get to and save zora's domain...I've Been Here Before

listen, i could write a book on this

(lol i did write 300k on this but shhh that was a long time ago)

like...if link is actually a reincarnation does he get flashes of memory

oot happened in every timeline but i know wind waker didn't

but do you think assuming this is in the same timeline as wind waker something in him feels at home the first time he sails a raft again

or hears kass play epona's song at the ranch

or ducks an octorok on his way to zora's domain

people treat the incarnation thing as a kind of tragedy - the world will never be free of evil so long as ganon/ganondorf exists

but maybe there's happiness in it too

no matter what happens, no matter how sad the ending - i mean hell, in this very game, link and zelda LOST

no matter what though, it's guaranteed that they'll see each other again

over and over and over without end, link and zelda are gonna meet and be together for awhile while they defend hyrule again

frankly if that's not a soulmate idk what is

and frankly i'm perpetually offended that they don't develop ganondorf the man more like they did in wind waker...that was the Peak tbqh

i would kill for something like that again

anyway

i love how present the current here is, like with the stuff floating down the river, thats a NICE touch

tbh it's actually really nice that he keeps uselessly checking on me on the way up the river

like, i've been so lonely

even now i miss my companion going "what's WITH that guy" like they probably would if i had one

so this is nice. tbh.

i know it was probably a deliberate choice and makes the game stronger but a companion for this game, someone to share it with...that would've been cool

even just zelda as the protag, she could do some internal narration

but the whole thing is just so quiet.

this place is so pretty tho?? in the distance i see these like, pink coral looking plant things, and the blue columns and bridges are gorgeous

OH NO LIGHTNING GOD WHY

i think its an area thing too i cant just wait it out lmao im gonna Die

oh jk it's just rain now

idk why my entire forcecast changes to a particular type of weather and its only like that a few seconds...super weird and annoying

lol sidon all "you're almost halfway there i believe in you!!" and not helping fight and link's little "k" wave

i love link as a silent protag even if i did have him talk in my writing like it's so endearing

i wonder if link is like sgr like "i am 100 years old what is this zora kid even doing. what is he EVEN DOING."

lol just had to dodge some rocks rollin down a hill

you see this is what i mean. there's a weird sense of familiarity and nostalgia if you've played the games a lot. i wonder if the spirit of the hero feels that way with each new adventure, too

like if he's okay doomed to an eternity of fighting and parting with zelda over and over

because in the end he always gets to do this again

like i can see the spirit of the princess/goddess being high key miserable about those circumstances but i wonder if the spirit of the hero is maybe secretly glad

because part of him will always yearn for the next adventure

he never COULD be happy settling because this is what he was born for

WE love doing this again and again and again, maybe it's not such a stretch to think the spirit of the hero does too

or maybe i'm projecting so hard onto him because undertale has so successfully blurred the line between the player and the game for me LMAO

oh man i just noticed all the names on this map

lulu, mikau ;_;

i miss them!!!!

just once i wish zelda games would feature the same side characters in two or three titles

we never got to see saria or darunia or lulu again

we get to come back to the world but every friend we've ever made has been gone

like some narnia shit i swear to god

lol this is why i should never do story all i do is rant about My Zelda Feels, which are literally endless

oh NICE battle with a blue moblin on the bridge!!!!

ah i like the zora history here too please give me all the worldbuilding i wanna know everything about this world that i can bc rn all i know is "we got Fucked"

i guess i also know about the automans but i need More

i say, while procrastinating on getting to the story

in other news i have an ice and lightning rod which i havent bothered trying to use

bc when i tried to use the boomerang i failed utterly lol

but these? holy shit dude these are Powerful when you actually land a magic hit like Dang

i Love them im never avoiding another wizzrobe again (thats where they drop from)

oh wow

i finally made it, and

man. oh man. it's so beautiful

i wish i could see if better

jesus the zoras always had the prettiest parts of the games imo

OH NO THE MUSIC

OH NO!!! im gonna cry omg

it's the same melody from oot i think!! oh my god!!!!!!

omg there's a zora here named rivan who says he knows me?!?!

omg no he's listing some of link's old pals from Before im so sad why can't he remember

OOOH i shouldn't speak to the elderly bc apparently i am "guilty" of something?? i love this development PLEASE tell me more

i love that they all age so slowly #nice

am i walking into a fucking execution lmao sidon don't play me......

omg the little zora kids are adorable!!!

omg there's a statue of the zora champion ;_;

man this is all so cool i wanna know EVERYTHING about what happened back then!!!!

lol the shrine here was SUPER nerve wracking god you had to like, roll the giant ball down a hill and stop time at JUST the right moment skjghf

oh my gosh ANOTHER zora who knows me (lol "linny")

im so ;w; they all know me!!!!!!

i slept on the blissful water bed at the inn and was mystified and alarmed by the sound effects but i got an extra stamina wheel and 3 extra hearts!!! god damn you can't beat that shit

im so amazed at how many people knew link and like, blame him? i wanna know so bad what happened, i wanna know more about mipha

ten bucks says she's still alive and like trapped in the divine beast but corrupted

or a ghost or something like the old man ;_;

aww zoras sleep in the water aw aw :3

i'm loving this theme of link sleeping for so long like at first i thought of sgr but i just realized it's also like oot (and i can't believe i didn't make that connection first...)

like in oot the people who knew him Before are so happy to see him again and are sure he can help them

but in this game it's a bit mixed

and in this game we don't know the details of 100 years ago yet ;_;

zora's domain here is like. so GLOWY. reminds me of waterfall from undertale tbh lol i wanna paint it

so i'm talking to the king and this one elderly zora goes "the hylians abused an ancient society's power to turn hyrule into what it is today" & like...tbh my dude you have a point. if they had never gotten those guardians out then they couldn't have turned on them

oh my GOD

i just got my first look at a divine beast and i can't believe i was calling them jaegers

my jaw dropped irl holy shit

like that thing truly looks both divine and beastly (this one is an elephant)

is mipha still in there as like a ghost ;_;

it's so clear how much everyone misses her

and she seemed so sweet in the one short memory i recovered

every time sidon does his sparkle smile i love him a little more

i didn't trust him at first bc he seemed a little too eager but now i see he's just doing his best!!!!

especially as someone who thinks radically and progressively in a society where elders stay around hundreds of years

YESSSSS I GOT ZORA ARMOR!!!! YES!!!!!!!!

SWIM SPEED UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

omfg and it's an engagement thing just like the sapphire

MADE BY MIPHA?

thats right that other lady said link was supposed to choose between her and mipha

listen mipha seems cool and all but i've been shipping zelink for 19 years, so

oh NO, mipha had feelings for link

oh no poor mipha...oh my god

WAIT AM I ABOUT TO GET ANOTHER MEMORY??? OH MY GOD!!!!!

duuuuuude

"no matter how bad the wound i will ALWAYS" heal you and then link wakes up in water

did she do that!!! did she save him ;_; oh my god im going to cry

"you are quivering like a hatchling" PLEASE protect my poor son

muzu is making me sad dude he misses her so much and he hates this so much

ooooh i have to fight another lynel for shock arrows...good Lord im not looking forward to that

I KNEW IT

"calamity ganon took control of the beasts and trapped the champions inside" yep either she's still alive like link and zelda or her body is in there and so is her fucking ghost

DUDE!! i just swam up my first waterfall and it was AWESOME!!!!!

so im at shatterback point now hwere lynel is just bc i wanted to swim up a waterfall but probably he will kill me quickly lmao

apparently you can mount him too which. sick.

but idk i dont have any good food or elixirs or weapons ready im just up here for science im probably gonna knock off soon i gotta Draw

Oh Fuck There He Is ):

it's super tedious to have top go back and delete every fucking picture i take for my copendium one by one those shouldn't save in my album automatically come on dude im trying to take a picture of this lion centaur thing here

aaah there's a rainbow here too #nice

ah well got him about a quarter pf the way down before i died :/ not bad for being completely unprepared

tbh i only had one defense food?? had i had more i could have whittled him down eventually

anyway thats all for tonight!! i doubt i'll play anymore tonight bc i have drawing to do

lol this is a long post but it's all in one bc i'm typing them in notepad now and don't have to worry about them getting too long