#there's a destiel fic like this and it's just such an interesting concept

[nursedexy]

I want a Truman Show au following Jack where Kent is the actor hired to be his high school best friend but they actually fall in love and Kent almost tells Jack his life isn't real so then he's taken away from him and Jack gets told a story to make him angry at him. Then the showrunners try to setup a relationship between him and Bitty at their fake college (because they know his type now) and it looks like it might work until Kent sneaks onto the set and into the kegster they're having and everything blows up

[i-isa-i]

I think it’s so interesting how much authority is awarded “the author” in different fandoms. You always here people scream “Death of the Author” but still hold up authorship as an authoritative concept.

Like, when Buffy had bad storylines the consensus was something like ‘trust Joss Whedon” who btw turned out to be a horrible person.

Similarly, Kripke was kind of deified by the fandom (and also kind of by the show) during early seasons spn.

Even disclaimers on fanfics show this dynamic. Why did we write stuff like ‘these characters belong to JKR’?!? Like no shit, I didn’t create Sirius Black but the character still doesn’t belong to that woman?

It’s so interesting to look at the stark difference between gomens and spn fan discourse at the moment. I’m not saying one way is the right way, just that the dynamics are interesting.

Neil says something and most people respect it, some even see it as their duty to act as his apostle and spread his word. People are in his asks to try and get his opinion on certain fan theory bc they consider him the ultimate authority over canon.

And then you have spn fans, especially destiel fans. Not only do they not care what kripke/ dabb or most of the show runners say, they actively oppose the “authors”’ perceived interpretations of the characters and routinely make fun of them. Dabb says he wrote a finale that is only meant to satisfy 30% of the fans and the rest of the fandom decides to strike it from canon and collectively produce enough fix-it fic to fill a library.

Can you imagine what would have happened if Dabb or Kripke or whoever had asked the fandom to keep a spoiler or leak like the gomens one a secret?!? It would have become a meme in 5 seconds and it would have trended above a historic election.

[midnightsilver]

What is a Bang?🤔😄

➡️ Never done a bang before but curious about joining in?

Here’s everything you need to know about what a bang is and how they work.

⭐️ Bangs are creative fandom events run by fans for fans, and they are based around a theme: a favourite character, pairing, setting or concept. So there is a bang that is for works all about Crowley, or works centred around wincest or destiel, works with a horror twist can include any spn character, or works in an historical setting, or works inspired by classic movies or song lyrics. The list goes on. There are many different flavours of bangs to choose from.

⭐️ There are 2 main types of bang. Regular and Reverse. In a regular Bang authors sign up to write a story around the advertised theme and they are given a deadline by which they must complete a good chunk of their story. Once the deadline arrives and they are about 80% completed writing (variable depending on the bang) authors submit a synopsis of their story to the bang moderators. This is an overview of the plot, any warnings and the story rating. All the story summaries are then displayed anonymously to the artists who signed up to the bang. It’s anonymous so that artists will choose a story just based on a plot or ideas that interest them, not on who the writer is. On Claims Day the artists submit a list of their top 3 (or 5 etc depending on the bang) choices. The moderators pair up the artists with an author on a first come first served basis, by order of their top choice. This process is repeated (and maybe opened to public claims from artists not already signed up to the bang) until every author in the bang has been assigned an artist who is interested in their story. After that the artist and the author pair are given a posting date and they work together to create art for the story. Some authors still have more writing to do and might take creative input from their artist as they start talking over what art is to be drawn for the story. Some authors are finished writing by claims and it’s more a case of giving the artist the draft and waiting for a picture. It’s up to individual pairs how much collaboration they want to do and how much back and forth they have. So if you are looking to make new friends this can be a great way to meet people but if you are more of an introvert that’s okay too, you can just write or draw and keep your partner advised of your progress. On posting day the author and the artist both post their works and links to their partners works. The bang moderators also post adverts for the works on the bang page.

➡️ The benefit of a bang for an author is that they get free art 😄. The artist might get collaborative input but it’s not guaranteed, but they do get to read a new story about a favourite topic before anyone else 😁. And both benefit from each partner advertising the others work come posting day. Plus the event organiser should also do extensive advertising for each artwork and fic submitted. Bangs often have followings of readers who enjoy the bang theme will check out several of the works from the event - so by being in a bang you have a ready made target audience for your works 😄.

➡️ Cons of being in a bang: you need to work to a deadline. For some people this is good motivation, for others it’s just added pressure. You can withdraw from a bang if an irl issue comes up but you need to keep your bang partner and the moderators informed, not just ghost. The other con is that you need to work with a partner which might not be easy if you are an introvert, but mostly in a bang you are working with people who enjoy the same topic as you do, so while it’s still a bit of a lottery who you end up paired with it’s likely that you at least have some things in common. The moderators are also there to help if you aren’t getting on with your partner. They can find Pinch Hitters to step in and take over if someone has to drop out for any reason. And finally the other hard part of a bang is that even if you get all your work done early you still have to wait for your assigned posting date! No instant gratification here unfortunately, but on the plus side there will be plenty of other bang followers who are also eagerly awaiting your posting date! 😁

⭐️ So thats bangs! 😄 and I mentioned that there are also Reverse Bangs out there. In those the artists start off by drawing a picture for the theme of the bang. The artist adds a short synopsis of the idea that led to their art, plus any personal do-not-want’s that they have and the artwork is displayed anonymously in a claims gallery. Then on claims day the authors choose a picture to write a story for by submitting their top choices on a first come first served basis. The moderators pair up the artists and authors that way. Then both partners post their works on the given posting day, same as in a regular bang. Many of the bangs out there alternate between doing regular bangs then reverse bangs, so it’s up to you which style of bang you wanna try.

➡️ if you haven’t tried a bang before I’d definitely advise every creative person to give it a go. Bangs are for all levels of writers and artists and are a good way to get more involved in fandom with likeminded people.

Resources for finding a bang for you:

⭐️⭐️ The Events and Challenges page in the Spn Fanart Community - this is aimed at artists but gives links to bang pages that authors can follow for next time if the author deadline has already passed,

⭐️⭐️ The Spn Bang Calendar - a calendar view display of many upcoming bangs

⭐️⭐️ The Big Bang Blog Project - @thebigbangblogproject is a multifandom page that promotes all sorts of various bangs, events and creative challenges.

[spnfanficpond]

June 2024 Angel Fish Awards

(Angel Fish design by @slytherkins!!)

Every month all of you fantastic writers work your asses off to post some truly incredible stories. Our Angel Fish Awards are the way for all of us, as a community of writers and readers, to lift each other up and give praise to those who have captured our attention and deserve a few kind words. (Click here to learn more about how to nominate a fic for an award!)

Nominated by @autisticandroids

The Horror of No Detrimental Redaction by sp8ce (AO3)

Really top tier whump that is also a super attentive cas character study which is also willing to sit with him in a really uncomfortable space

The Trapdoor by hal_incandenza (AO3)

it's an epic rewrite of dabb era with a level of attention to detail that i've rarely seen in any fiction. the metatextual elements are carefully woven in and the character beats feel real. plus, it's an almost episode by episode rewrite and the new monster of the week casefic elements are fresh and fun. also it answers the question what if apocalypse world was good.

finer things by @explainslowly

i think it's maybe the ultimate pinnacle of the deancas triangulation of desire genre. when dean and cas have weird sex via a woman... one of my favorite things. and this is my favorite iteration.

By Your Hand by @restlesshush

this is my favorite relitigation of moriah that i've ever encountered. cas is so crazy in it. you can kind of feel that things will eventually work out without that coming off as cheap. it's perfect

~*~*~

Nominated by @candygrammes

LIMBO by entselene (AO3)

It's the creepiest. angstiest, scariest story I've read this year. Sam wakes up in Sioux Falls Hospital horribly injured, with no idea what happened. Not only that, but Dean is nowhere to be seen. Why? Has Dean abandoned him?

Nominated by @charliethealpaccaso

Strange Encounters by deanandsam (Ao3)

I loved the idea that there are dog versions of dean and sam along side the main sam and dean that I found it cute but also opened up a whole side story I wish there was more of.

Dogs Don't Pay Taxes by Zetal (Rodinia) (AO3)

There oddly is a huge lack of dog!sam fics on A03 that I love to try and spread the word of the ones that are out there. This one was cute both prompt wise and just made my day when I came across it

Faithful Companion by brokenlittleboy (AO3)

What if during season two Sam developed a whole new issue with his psychic powers and turned himself into a dog then this is the fic for you. Dean does mess around with him in this fic but I think it was a fun and interesting read for the concept

~*~*~

Nominated by @glygriffe

Why’s every song is about love (or drinking too much) by @quietwings-fics

They didn't give us enough Sam and Castiel scenes in the show. Here's a bitter-sweet one between the two of them, talking about Dean and the whole 'unrequited love' thing. A ficlet the gives a Destiel fan just the right amount of heavy heart.

It’s the Stars that Lie by @seperis

Ok, this fic doesn't need recommandations, but it's still needs public praises. To fully appreciate it, you need to read the fever dream that is Map of the World first, but I love how the author builds on the glimpses that the episode The End gave of the apocalypse!world. The OCs are interesting (and many of them are POC), and the lovely slow burn between Dean and Castiel is spiced up with the fake boyfriends trope.

Since I've Been Loving You - Remaster by tgel210 (AO3)

I like Castiel's first-person POV, Dean being a musician without being a rock star: it feels close to home like my next-door neighbor is talking to me about the love of his life.

Closer than they appear by sunkenfox (AO3)

Dean and Castiel figuring out what their life could be together by looking at Misha and Jensen is interesting. Even more interesting is the concept that like it or not, the Supernatural characters would not exist in their world without the writers and the actors in an other world. That Dean and Jenses share more than a face; same for Misha and Castiel (even if the difference are more obvious between the last two). A story of discorvery on a meta level, hiding inside a cute Destiel and RPF romance.

he feels no control of his body by withthekeyisking (AO3)

A wonderful but sad exploration of Sam Winchester throughout his life; from his lack of bodily autonomy to his dying faith in god(s) and humanity. With just enough brotherly love to leave the reader aching from loss and something like betrayal. (I love Dean, but he his a royal dick to his brother sometimes)

~*~*~

Nominated by @handsliketruth

evergreen endless by @whiskeyjuniper

A glimpse of endverse!Dean and Castiel during the earliest days of The End, via Chuck (prophet? god? something in-between?) as he continues to chart their story...and struggles to keep them from their inevitable collision despite their wildly infuriating pattern of falling into it... (full disclosure, this one was a gift for me, but I would rec this anyway 💛 dark, spicy, funny, clever meta fun)

But I Ain't Dead Yet by @bloodydeanwinchester

I cannot wait to see how this one plays out! Clever and charming with a fun hook: what if s4 Dean and Cas time-traveled back to 1x12 Faith to save Layla? (I would read a million words of Dean watching faith!Dean and Castiel get along 😂)

~*~*~

Nominated by @heavenssexiestangel

Bad Day Love by @spn-fanfic-reblog-writes

it's a cute pick-me-up story with one of my favorite ships. I really like how Arthur is so soft with Dean here.

Bedtime Routine by @spn-fanfic-reblog-writes

It's another rareship of mine andI love how they care for each other here and take care of Emma.

The Fool's Journey by @ladyknightskye

I know I was the artist for this story but - what Meg wrote for my art is awesome and it features one of my favorite characters - Gadreel. The journey he has in this fic is extremely important

~*~*~

Nominated by @jinkieswouldyoulookatthis

Presence by @ani-coolgirl

This story broke my heart in the absolute most beautiful way. It's sad and sweet and doomed and it haunts me still.

~*~*~

Nominated by @mariekoukie6661

Stitches by @kittenofdoomage

Its cute! I like it!

Sweet Little Lies by @impala-dreamer

I like how funny it was despite all the angst!!

~*~*~

Nominated by @masoena

Nothing Ever Really Ends by @nyxocity

Beautiful heaven fic with Sam and Dean, bring tissues, post S15E20

In Silence Sealed by @fiercelynormal

Dean loses his hearing but starts talking his thoughts out loud beautifully written Smitty short

Love, Your Brother by @eninkahootz

Sam and Dean communicating by letters btw heaven and earth post-series. Work in progress and so well written

~*~*~

Nominated by @mrswhozeewhatsis

Cretaceous by tiamatv (AO3)

This is a cute, fluffy romp through Jurassic Park as a Destiel fic! You don't have to love dinos to love this fic, but I imagine it would make it even better. If you're looking for something sweet and light to read before bed, this is the bedtime story for you!

~*~*~

Nominated by @rainythursdaynight

Clean Air by @anactorya

I read this story when I was maybe 16 and re-read it twice or three times in the year after. That being said, I can remember it almost excruciatingly well. I'm a post-apocalypse gal and I crave anything in that genre, so it was doubtless that I'd love this story. But the world-building done in this story? The characterization? The tension it manages to build? It's so gripping and exciting and I remember reading it worried out of my mind for the characters and exhaling the deepest breath as the story drew to a close. It's a not too dense read and an enveloping one, you'll forget you're above ground by the end of it!

Empty Spaces by @schmerzerling

This story made me fall in love with writing again. It's so heavy with how it distributes emotion in its words, but also so soothing too. This reads like watching a glass vase get tipped over the edge of a table and, maybe distantly, wondering if someone will catch it in time. But it doesn't quite matter because the flowers are beautiful and if you're crying then it's about the flowers and not the vase. I highly recommend this story to everyone, heavy as its contents may be. I felt safe reading this, I ached, I adore this story beyond words can capture.

Phantasma! by @thisisapaige

I very rarely read things that are horror inclined (funny as that is given the nature of Spn), and maybe this story is not considered horror either, but it left me just on that edge of eerie and it was exhilarating. Most of the story is sweet, and cathartic, as Dean rebuilds his life outside of his family and finds that in Castiel. But the mystery of it all, the unknown, it left me waiting for the other shoe to drop and this writer was excellent at making that payoff worth it.

The Art of Falling by @zipegs

This story was gritty and ugly and didn't pull back punches when it came to its emotional weight. Recovery is a nightmarish process of relapse and pain and relief and this story embodied this with its characters beautifully. This story was lonely, in the sense that its only two characters yes but it also felt a lot like reading about two characters pitted against the backdrop of everything. The world, the universe, existence. It made me feel small but so vast at the same time, and it was so utterly human (funny given the context of the story). It's a short and beautiful read that left me aching but in a way that was comforting as opposed to alienating.

With The End Came You by @lotrspnfangirl

I adore zombie apoclaypse AUs but so few of them focus on the characters' growth alongside the events of the series. And so few of them do side characters justice. This story was THE exception. Not only does the progression of the characters not sideline the plot and vice versa, but the story handles people so so well. You have those that stick around for long, and those that don't, and it treats both parties so faithfully that I'm left emotional over side characters I've only had a page worth of content with as much as the main characters I'm with the entire time. This is a zombie apocalypse AU that puts people first and foremost, and its so human and such a rewarding story to those that have even the smallest interest in these types of AUs. And the progression of the plot is so smooth and natural, TWD could never (and I love that show so take with that as you will).

~*~*~

Nominated by @samanddean76

Dark As Midnight (And You Don’t Look The Same) by @kassyscarlett

This is a story that follows a young Dean (17 years-old) out looking for a good time and running into an older man that gives what he wants. Not realizing he knows him, that he is in fact his Sammy. This story is so good! Time-travel, the follies of youth, needing to be protected from yourself, and realizing years later what that random encounter really was. It is part of a series, but works as a stand alone. But the entire series is worth checking out.

Coming Out Of The Dark by firesign10 (AO3)

It's a story about others helping one they know is broken, giving him what he needs so he can move on and live the rest of his life. The Richesters visit Sam in the bunker after Dean's death, and give him one final night together, so that he might carry on. It tragic and beautiful and has all the feels. Highly recommend.

~*~*~

Nominated by @spn-fanfic-reblog-writes

Interspecies Romance and Its Associated Perils by suspiciousflashlight (AO3)

I have read this story many, many times. It’s adorable and hilarious. It’s cute and awkward in a way that someone who isn’t sure how to tell about a weird scar or birthmark is. The ending is the best part of the entire thing.

A Helping Hand and Thrilling Touches by mydestielbabies_67 (AO3)

I don’t normally nominate smut but this was just amazing. It was beautiful, and what and intense.

The Cherry Pie Club by zation (AO3)

This is a work in progress. It’s great! Zariah is such a great writer in so many genres. This one is about Dean exploring bdsm for the first time and ends up also realizing things about himself too. Poor Dean learns the hard way that it is Cas he loves about bdsm but still. Their connection and energy with each other is felt as you read. Highly recommend reading!

Absolute Beginners by @ahurston

Chapter 5 made me scream then go feral and foam at the mouth.

Dancing moves by faithlesshunter (AO3)

I am not normally one to read infidelity fics; however, this is destiel. It’s the holidays and Cas and Dean get left alone to reconnect. They tried to be a couple at the beginning once Cas came back from the Empty but they weren’t ready for it. Now, years later and they are! The confessions and the hot smut is just so exacting for them. It’s gorgeous! Dean has always loved Cas and Cas still loves Dean. Oh, I’d love to see how it works out but this reconnection is just purely intense and the dopamine is addictive. Good luck. MUST READ!

The Case of Dean and Castiel's Extremely Resolvable Tension by CanonFodder (Tartan_Temptation) (AO3)

This is hilarious and hot AF! It starts out explaining the premise and drives right into it where Dean finally gives in. He is so happy he does too. He gets a wonderfully deserving reward. Poor Sam and his need for eye bleach. Lol!

Objects May Appear Smaller by @valandrawrites

The instant connection of Cas and Dean, and the science of this story makes this a one-of-a-kind a/b/o. Despite it being incomplete, it’s such a fluffy and fascinating read. It keeps you wanting more with every one of the six chapters. I hope one day they get inspired to write more.

Sentinel by Followsthebees (AO3)

I love this story. I love that it’s a different take on Castiel—he’s a gargoyle. It’s such a fascinating story and their connect is seen by the readers but not Dean. It’s interesting how Dean starts to notice and how intense and romantic it gets. Sex and flying are fascinating, man. This is written oh so well!

Three's Company by @luci-in-trenchcoats

Cas x f!Reader that becomes Cas x f!reader x Dean. It shows a very healthy ethical non-monogamy relationship. I love how the Reader initially freaks, I think, and when Cas and them come to talk to Dean, he freaks too. Everyone is patient with each other though. It’s as it should be when introducing polyamory to non-poly experience people. It’s so sweet and wonderful to read. It’s adorable. This is how poly fics should be.

Ketch and Release by NichePastiche (AO3)

Oh, the fluff and growth! I love this series so so so so much! I always get excited when I see they wrote more. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

~*~*~

Nominated by @spnbabe67

Finish What You Started by @dean-winchester-is-a-warrior

I love the tension that melts into silly goofiness.

Spin Cycle by @winchester-girl67

I usually don't do a lot of fluff but I loved the way the writer did this one.

~*~*~

Nominated by @thoughtslikeaminefield

Take A Shot by @rizlowwritessortof

It's just so sexy and Dean. Guh.

Rest by @zepskies

It's swoony and cozy and melancholy, and I love that for us.

The Iceman Cometh by @talltalesandbedtimestories

Ice play is one of my favorite things. Pair that with Dean Winchester, written by Sandra, and, well, you've got a winner.

Damned If I Do by @zepskies

I liked Lisa and Ben, and this is a very satisfying way to show that!

~*~*~

Nominated by @whiskeyjuniper

Truth & Despair by @shallowseeker

It's so compelling, every time a new chapter is posted I'm so excited to see what happens next. Also it's Shal's first fic and they're almost done with it so I wanted to celebrate it :)

(Divider by @glygriffe)

THANK YOU ALL, KEEP UP THE AMAZING WORK, AND AS ALWAYS, HAPPY WRITING!

- From your Admins and Manta Rays, @manawhaat, @mrswhozeewhatsis, @mariekoukie6661, @thoughtslikeaminefield, and @heavenssexiestangel!

[sammygender]

Do you have any SPN fic recs?

always!!! since u didnt ask for anything specific im just gonna link some ones ive read recently and rly liked, tho i do have a more extensive precanon fic rec list lying around somewhere in my #fic recs tag. no precanon here cause i havent been reading much of it recently - in fact all of this is late seasons. read tags/warnings for all

here are some total faves:

thesis 5 by a_good_soldier (7k, sam &...sam!, sam & dean, sam & cas)

via time travel shenanigans, late seasons sam ends up having a chat with early seasons. literally sickening in the best possible way, perfect distillation of sam and the fucked up awful changes hes been through and his relationship with fucked up awful dean <3. trigger warning for background destiel though (im joking). there are some crazy good lines in this, cannot recommend enough, makes me feel clinically insane. also 20 year old sam eats a sushiritto.

sometimes a kind of singing by adi_rotynd (23k, sam & jack, sam & dean, sam & lucifer)

s13. best late seasons fic ever and exactly what i look for in spn fic and miles better than anything i could ever write, perfectly grapples with every fucked-up dynamic and doesnt shy away from any of it. sam gets cursed and jack can see souls. jack pov is so so good. what im discovering via writing these fic blurbs is that im really bad at describing fic but like. just read it.

the one where things don't really get better by angelszn (3k, sam & jack, sam & dean, dean & jack)

another absolutely excellent s13 fic. can you tell i have a Thing for s13 in all its abusive bunker family core. again dean is perfectly late seasons awful in this - i need to make a fic rec list of well characterised dean. sam has problems with mirrors, jack wants one, and dean is dean. <3

still life by themegalosaurus (20k, sam & jess, sam & lucifer)

s12ish. jess is back. do i even need to say more than that

charmer and gentle by askance (3.6k)

late seasons outside pov of a girl who works at a gas station near the bunker. love outside pov and this one is SO fucking good. sam in this is so dear to me and writing is so lovely

and here are some ive read recently i rly liked:

stuck by howldax (4k, sam &crowley)

crowley gets stuck possessing sam after 9x10. fantastic characterisation and v cool concept . i dont normally read stuff with much crowley so this was rly interesting

low road through the gloaming by jribbing (sam & dean, sam & john, 3k)

ok, i lied, this is partially precanon but only due to flashback scenes, its s7. writing is just absolutely beautiful and heartwrenching. sam and dean are on a hunt, and sam's having flashbacks. tw for past abuse. john is worse in this than i believe him to have been but *shrugs* its fic for a reason and brilliant fic at that.

a matched set by lovetincture (1k, lucifer/sam (referenced, past, noncon), lucifer/mary)

lucifer pov. s13ish. short and fucked-up <3.

[wigglebox]

'he said now it [15x18] doesn't need to be addressed'

that's not what jackles said. that's like, a smallllll snippet of the entire thing. he essentially, in my opinion, said the Testament aka cas' Declaration and proof of love [i find it interesting he corrects himself from confession to testament by the way when we all call it the confession, he calls it a testament, which is astoundingly amazing] stands as it is, and that their love for each other is going to basically be understood when they're reunited. They don't need to have a sit-down chat or long-winded therapy discussion about their feelings.

We, the audience, also know where they both stand with each other. This concept that they'll get Cas back and he won't know that Dean loves him back is astounding to me. Jackles is saying essentially that they're each other's people, that they found each other, that they keep finding each other, and that when they reunite, both of their feelings will be understood.

And that dean understands. When they reunite, it will be understood that dean understands. He didn't say there wasn't going to be reciprocation, just that Cas' words don't need resolving.

Aka, what's changed from previous answers he's given? From "let's talk about that goodbye" to now? I'm being mostly serious when i say, i think they've outlined that scene or have a rough outline on how that scene is going to go and he's trying to give an answer without giving away the store lol.

I say this because this was a pretty detailed answer, in my opinion, and him calling Cas' words a testament instead of 'the confession' also makes me think there have been some conversations.

i know that assumption is wildly speculative because who knows where they are in the continuation process behind these scenes but given the fact that it's actually quite useless to even have a continuation unless they follow up the destiel arc and finish up that storyline, i do think it's been top of mind for everyone involved. Yes, including jackles. Don't even get me started on him correcting that fan who shouted subtext with text.

he was being thoughtful in his answer and trying to find the right words, in my opinion.

The half-jokey way I'm going to end this is: Dean is gonna run up to him and give him a big ol' hug n' smooch.

Joking... but also not joking at all haha.

But Dean's also a man of action and his love can be seen through those actions and if a man is going to hope universes and try to potentially jailbreak into The Empty to get me (if that's what they wind up doing which I thnk they are) that's love in my opinion as well. He's done that also twice in Purgaytory, ignoring an easy way out until he found Cas, putting his own well-being at risk, and also ignored a time limit and risked getting trapped in there because he couldn't find Cas so...

Suffice it to say, I also think in general, you just gotta give the man some faith and just see what happens.*

(*but also, it'll never be 100% how we wrote fics or speculated in our head, nor should it be; storytelling is an art and science, and you can predict some things, but you have to also go with the flow with others).

There's absolutely no hard concrete evidence anywhere that 15x18 won't have a follow-up in continuation, and no, Jackle's purcon answer doesn't fall under that either. in my opinion.

[autisticandroids]

I would like a director's commentary on your bleak Harper/Jack fic, thank you. Since it still makes me sad.

<3 fuck yeah. i'm so ready to do this commentary it's gonna take days...

anyway the thing that motivated me to do this in the first place is like. okay. list of reasons.

one is that i kind of wanted to write a fic about jack that both took him seriously and also was not *entirely* just about his relationship with his parents. like jack having something outside of that.

another is that i find harper kind of enticing, as a character? like, there's a lot of meat on her for a one episode villain. the fact that she's never left her home town, "a long line of necromancers," the fact that she killed her boyfriend to keep him!, her seemingly genuine interest in jack, the melodramatic way that the actress played her, the letter.... there's a lot there. and it's crazy to me that there were only two jackharper fics on ao3. also it drives me up the wall that they never brought her back in the show, like, come on.

like actually my first thoughts about jackharper were situated in this longrunning deancas (with jack as their kid) human au that exists mainly in dms between me, @an-android-in-a-tutu, and @pregstiel, which i don't need to get into right now but suffice to say that the sort of final form of dean and cas' relationship in that au is not abusive but it isn't exactly healthy, and dean (being dean) is a pretty domineering and smothering presence in cas' life and also jack's. and jack is like. he's autistic and is fairly disabled by it? he can basically hold a job but can't really care for himself physically (eating meals, keeping his apartment livable, etc.) or really deal with other people at all? so dean is quite involved in, as dean sees it, still parenting him well into his twenties. and is obviously rather domineering and smothering. possibly helping more than jack actually *needs* as such and etc. and perhaps being a bit invasive about it. classic dean. anyway this was all context for jack getting into a relationship with harper and dean just. hating her. because dean just cannot imagine a girl getting with his baby boy for honest reasons. because he just simply needs so much care. she must be after money or something. and all of this dislike of harper is obscuring to dean the actual problem, which is that harper is stalkerishly obsessed with jack and the main reason the relationship is continuing is that harper is kind of domineering in a way that reflects both cas and dean's relationship and dean and jack's relationship, jack isn't really making the choices, he's letting them be made for him because that's what he's used to. but because dean is terminally incapable of self-awareness he does not see that at all. and this was really fun to think about and it kind of got me invested in jackharper, conceptually. though now that i'm saying all this: man it would be really fun and wretched to make a little extra bit of this fic but dean pov.

and then another reason i wanted to write this fic is like. i really enjoy torturing other characters (generally sam and jack) with established destiel. usually in my mind it's sam? like i can honestly provide a preeeeeetty long history of my thoughts on this topic. lol. but you know i get a lot out of like. imagining sam finding out that dean is gay in season fifteen and just having to sit with that. like what if your brother who sucks turned out to have been in the closet his whole life. like he still sucks but now you know this depressing thing about him. and also you can never bring it up to him or tell anyone else. lol. anyway this kind of "man it would suck to be in the blast radius of deancas" impulse is what led to this concept, which is basically what i built the fic around? as i've said, this element was kind of the most fun part for me.

then also like..... as i've said, optimism is one of my top episodes of spn ever just by enjoyability of watch. i like it a lot. and also each time i see it i allow a single tear to roll down my face morning the charmingly "plucky young protagonist"-ish version of jack we could have had. it's so perfectly put together that it manages to avoid being grating despite the like. everything. and a lot of that is the interplay of cheery and dark elements. but also jack is like. way less annoying than that archetype normally is. he's so charming in optimism. anyway i just kind of. wanted to try integrating optimism more into canon. is another reason.

and then over the summer i wrote this fic, which is maybe my fave thing i produced this year, and i wanted to see if i could sustain that high note for a longer period.

okay. without further ado.

Every Relationship Has Its Stuff

Pepperidge Farm. Oroweat. Sara Lee. Wonderbread. Brownberry. King’s Hawaiian. Dean had just specified “sliced bread.” Jack is pretty sure Dean likes Sara Lee butter bread, but its slot on the shelf is empty. He knows Sam likes Brownberry. Jack likes it, too. It’s sweet and molasses-y. He likes it with the tunafish salad Sam sometimes makes for lunch, when Dean is having a nap. 

starting out strong with: hey i like brownberry tuna sandwiches. but also you know. the anxiety of being sent out to get an item and it being out and not being sure if you'll even be believed that it was gone etc.

The bright white lights of the Walmart beat into his eyes. There’s pop music on the speakers, lyrics indistinguishable from instrumentation in a swirling cacophony of synthy noise. Jack thinks he can maybe hear the word married ? And amazing . There’s footsteps behind him, along with the shh of clothing, and chatter in the next aisle - something about the merits of Pop Tarts vs. Toaster Struedel. A cart’s wheel squeaks.

so i actually checked what songs were charting in january uh. 2018? 2019? one of those. anyway. i thought thank u next was a funny choice which would bring an appropriately rancid energy to this opening. anyway. i had fun setting this in a walmart because i wanted to situate this fic in a depressing, fluorescent, branded world. something that actually feels like a midwestern middle of nowhere, as opposed to the bright and cheery fantastical small towns of yockeynatural. it's also inspired somewhat by @davidfosterwallaceandgromit's trapdoor, the way in that fic as the characters become less a part of tv world, the real, unpleasant details of life like ads on the screens at gas stations start becoming real to them.

Jack reaches for the Brownberry. The butter bread is out. This is what they have. And he and Sam like it. His fingers sink into the pillowy bread and-

a little rebellion that isn't even really a rebellion but it has to be framed that way to not be scary, you know? like that gives jack a bit of control over his fear.

All of his muscles lock. It’s instinctual. It’s instinctual because of the pain. The pain and the tearing sensation. The faint ringing in his ears. The tearing sensation in his- chest. The tug on his Grace as it- as it keeps him alive. 

His vision is dark, too dark to see. There is a dribbling feeling. Hot and runny. Like post-nasal drip except. Except on his back. Because one of the major arteries in his heart has been punctured. The strange balloon sensation as his Grace refills his circulatory system, only for blood to keep flowing out. His arteries rippling and clenching.

one of the reasons i didn't want jack to be relying on soul magic here is that i wanted this scene to work without really having tension strung over it. i wanted his grace to protect him without us having to worry about him chewing up his soul to do it.

It shifts inside him, slightly. Whatever it is. He can feel flesh parting, and a little more blood bubbles forth from his arteries. It’s shaking. Trembling. An involuntary shudder wracks Jack’s body, and the hole in him tears a little wider.

He knows this feeling. He’s been stabbed. 

It’s never happened from the back before.

He needs- hm. He needs to retake control of his muscles. It’s a jerky operation, he’s in shock. He has to bypass human neural impulses and do it with his Grace, because the nerves aren’t really firing right now. Contract the tricep - no, wrong one. Contract the deltoid to raise the arm, then the bicep, rotate the elbow, close the hand… got it.

Jack pulls the knife from his chest.

in a lot of ways this fic is what i did instead of stabfest this year. both literally in the sense that this fic is basically why i didn't do stabfest, but also figuratively because i am definitely drawing on the history of deancas horny stabbing that stabfest also draws upon.

It’s a strange sensation. More ripping flesh, combined with strange emptiness. Movement deep inside. Feeling where there should be no feeling. A surge of pain as the blade is taken away and clots that had futilely begun to form around it tear. Jack shudders again, and he coughs, an involuntary spasm. He feels the wetness on his mouth before registering the taste. He’s drooling blood, his lower lip tingles with it, with the stickiness. He can feel it dripping from the corner of his mouth. Beading and drying on his chin.

the image of blood from the mouth is one i liked. also this is intentionally horny. hopefully it came through :3

Flesh knits behind the retreating point of the knife. Soon Jack is good as new, save for the blood on his shirt. 

His muscles begin to work again. His eyes and ears come back online. Just in time for a soft little gasp from behind him.

Jack spins, appreciating his newfound control of his body. The proprioception and delicate balancing required to complete the movement.

He finds himself up against a familiar face.

Big buggy gray eyes, even more bulging than usual in a pixie face. Pointy nose jutting out far enough to nearly touch his own. Lips with a touch of artificial color parted to show large (but human) teeth. He can feel her breathe, feathers of air on his bloodstained mouth.

“Harper?” Jack asks, for lack of a better thing to say.

“Oh, crap.” Her face contorts into an anxious pout, and in a moment she’s stepping back, reaching into the pocket of her hot pink blazer.

Throwing a hexbag on the ground.

i was thinking about how being a necromancer is like. surely that is a type of witch. if harper is going to have tricks up her sleeve they'll be magic

A puff of purple smoke erupts from the bag and envelops her, filling his vision. He can still hear her feet slapping against the tile as she runs. All he can think is hey, you forgot your knife, but she’s gone.

As the smoke clears, Jack licks his lips. They’re salty. Tacky. He scrubs his mouth against his sleeve, trying to get the blood off. Most of it is on his back, and Jack is suddenly glad that he took his jacket off when he got into the store. He’s pretty sure all the blood ended up on the back of his shirt. There’s probably a little on his butt, but the jacket is long enough to cover that. Probably. 

i also enjoyed the sort of menstrual imagery here. jack is coming of age in blood, and there's bloody evidence of it. harper stabbing him woke something up in him.

He’s gonna have to turn all his clothes over to Dean when he gets home. Dean has a special method for getting bloodstains out of laundry, something with salt, and maybe dilute bleach. Jack likes these jeans. He hopes he won’t have to throw them away.

He grabs the bread, and marches to the next aisle.

-

When Jack comes in with the bags, Sam’s in the map room. He helps Jack unload. Ribs and tomatoes into the fridge, ice cream bars in the freezer, bulk peppercorns into the cabinet, bread on the counter. Sam gives a worried grimace when he sees the Brownberry.

sam knows there is hell to pay when small things go wrong

“Sorry,” Jack says. “They didn’t have any butter bread.”

“Yeah, yeah, of course,” Sam says, “I’m sure it’ll be fine.” Sam smiles at him for a moment. “Why don’t you toss me the car keys, and I can head out and get some at the gas station before everyone gets home.”

sam doesn't want jack's mistake to get him punished or start a big fight, so he's quietly sweeping up. perhaps more than he needs to. sam's obsequiousness and nervousness around dean adds to dean's presence as a larger than life fear figure for jack, ya know

Jack tosses him the keys. Sam wrinkles his nose.

“Man, it smells like blood in here for some reason.” Sam glances around. Jack suddenly remembers the gore under his jacket, but somehow, he can’t quite bring himself to let anyone know about seeing Harper. 

“Somebody must have forgotten to clean their machete or something,” Jack says, and Sam nods.

the casual omnipresence of violence <3 <3 <3.

A few minutes later, after he’s heard the car engine start, Jack hides the knife and his bloody jeans under his bed, and tosses the torn shirt in the trash.

continuing the menstrual image. jack is hiding it. he doesn't want his parental figures to know he's changing, that he is beginning to really... exist outside their control, i guess.

-

When Jack sees Harper again, they’re all on a ghost hunt outside Peoria. Sam and Dean are looking into the burial location of a woman who died mysteriously in 1875. Cas is waiting at the cemetery.

peoria is a great super depressing midwest name for a town. just fabulous.

The last time Jack had put on his FBI threads and tagged along as a “junior agent,” Dean had had to shut him up twice with a vicious pinch to the upper arm. He is on a burger run. 

once again jack's small freedoms are taken only when assigned menial tasks. like this is his time to be away from them. but also he is assigned these tasks because he's the lowest status member of the group, you know? they don't trust him with more serious stuff. so it's bittersweet.

He’d spotted a nice space between two bushes as they drove past this Wendy’s, and that’s where he lands, comfortably out of sight of any human. He rehearses in his head. This time he won’t forget that Dean likes the double, not the triple. And he will get a seltzer for Cas, even though he didn’t ask, because Cas likes the bubbles. He marches towards the doors, intentionally ignoring the parking lot’s car exhaust-and-piss smell, and the Frogger-feeling of being in a space where pedestrians are technically allowed but generally unwanted. The noise of the adjacent highway rumbles in his ears. Loud enough that he doesn’t hear footsteps, and when he smells something sweet, at first he’s relieved. Then nothingness.

i dithered so much over whether jack knows what frogger is. but it's such an evocative reference to give that particular feeling of walking somewhere which is built for cars. anyway. chloroform smells sweet, apparently, and i thought since harper knows jack can't really be harmed, she would go for the classics. she's very fictionpilled.

Jack wakes to an itch. It’s not exactly on his skin. More… under it. Like his subcutaneous fat is somehow inflamed. Or his muscles, maybe. Something deeper.

His hands are cuffed. That snaps his eyes open, and he sees the source of the itch. A brilliant sun of orange-red lines stretching out from the chair that he’s bound to to the edge of a twenty foot diameter circle on a concrete floor. A binding sigil. One he doesn’t recognize.

And at the edge of the circle, there she is. 

once again, harper's magic expertise.

The light where they are - Jack glances around at the gray concrete and piled boxes and guesses “warehouse” - is dim enough that he can’t really see her face, at least at this distance. But he can see her shape, petite, hands clasped, wispy curled hair floating to her shoulders, and he can make assumptions.

“Sorry,” she calls, and yeah, it’s definitely Harper. The word comes out sawry, very Nebraskan. “I don’t really know what you are, so I figured better safe.” She sucks air in through her teeth, and Jack can just make out the shape of an embarrassed grimace.

harper doesn't really know much about the supernatural beyond magic. i always find it dumb when characters on spn refer to "a hunter" as if that's a single, coherent type of guy, so i've decided that when harper referred to jack as a hunter, she thought he was some sort of witch hunter, which is a problem it makes sense for her family to have dealt with in the past.

“I-” Jack starts, but his voice gives out before he can continue, his throat dry as gravel. He tries to fill his mouth with spit, tries to swallow, but no dice. He sends a tendril of power into the sigil, and it flashes blood red. He could probably break out, but not without vaporizing several city blocks.

and he kind of, sort of chooses to stay here. because he's maybe a little bit intrigued.

“Oh, sweetie,” Harper says, and she hurries towards him with stiff shoulders and bouncing little steps, delicately avoiding the lines of the sigil. 

harper is not really totally prepared for this.

Now he can see her face. She bends at the waist, head swinging down like it’s on a hinge so the tips of their noses are on a level. And she cups his face with her hand. 

It’s warm. Her fingers are slim, spidering out across his cheek. Her pointer is nearly at the edge of his eye, and the tip of her pinky is tucked under his jaw. Her skin is soft against his.

face touch <3

She presses plastic - a water bottle - to his lips.

It’s just water, he can tell that much. It tastes like plain tap water, cold and quenching, and he gulps it down. The plastic crinkles as she squeezes it. She strokes her thumb over his cheekbone. Maybe the water’s cursed? Hopefully not, because he’s so thirsty. She tips the bottle, and it floods his mouth. He almost gags, but manages to breathe through his nose and slow his swallows.

horny,

“Are you okay?” Her face is close again. She took the empty bottle away, he heard the crinkling plastic, and now he’s seeing her eyes. They’re very big. Her hand is warm on his cheek. Jack tilts his head to feel the blood move around inside. 

“Where am I?” His throat is thick with disuse. It’s as good a starter as any. Probably the most useful information he can find out, right now. Her eyes are very big. 

distracted <3

“Oh, this is a shipping warehouse for a pastry company. I thought it would smell nicer.” She pouts a little. 

harper is just not prepared for this at all. jack could definitely do a better job kidnapping someone due to his hunting experience.

“Yes,” Jack says, he can feel her hand, it’s slipped lower and his voice vibrates against it, “warehouses all just kind of smell the same.” His breathing hitches a little. “Or bad.” One time, Dean had him and Cas stake out outside a meat packing plant. He grimaces at the memory.

see what i mean? warehouses are practically jack's stomping ground because literally most of his life experience is hunting related.

“Ugh, unfortunate,” Harper says, and rolls her eyes, flicking them up dramatically, and Jack strains his own trying to follow them, she’s so close, “I guess you can’t win ‘em all. So, did you ever get my letter?”

“What?” Her lips are slightly glossy. He can feel the movement of his own breath.

“My letter. I sent it to Lebanon.” She stands to put her hands on her hips, and Jack feels the loss of warmth against his cheek.

“No, I mean- no. Sorry,” he says. Grasps for what she might want. “That’s sweet though. That you sent it.”

the placaterrrrrrr

He’s right. She lights up.

“Thanks! I think letter writing is underappreciated these days, especially for love notes. I’m glad you’re someone who understands that.”

“Yeah,” Jack says, “Dean says old formats are always better. Like tapes, or vinyl. I think that includes letters.”

🥴 well

Harper nods.

“I like a lot of old fashioned things. Like dating! Nobody our age ever wants to go on a date anymore. They all just wanna use ‘apps’” - she makes the quote marks with her fingers - “to ‘hang out.’ It’s terrible. Do you like dating, Jack?”

“I’ve-” never gone on a date, he starts to say, but changes course when he remembers where he is, “I- yes! I like… going on dates.”

the placaterrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. and he's not even necessarily doing it right.

A shadow passes across her face, just for a moment, but then she’s overjoyed, clapping her hands together.

harper jealousy moment <3

The date looks like a card table that Harper hauls out of somewhere in the warehouse and struggles to unfold, and a styrofoam box of mostly cold shrimp scampi. By the time everything is set up, with a folding chair for her and a candle in the middle of the table, she’s red faced and puffing. 

There are plates for the scampi, baby blue with a flower motif, and the pasta slops out of wet styrofoam haphazardly. It’s still warm enough not to be a gelatinous glob, but the fettuccine is tangled. Harper pulls out a cigarette lighter and burns her thumb lighting the candle. She sticks it in her mouth. Jack can see her tongue working, lapping at her injured cuticle. When the digit emerges it’s slick and wet. He can feel the air through his own slightly parted lips.

horny,,

Finally, Harper leans down and looks him in the eye.

“Be a good boy, okay?” she says. Her mouth is still a little shiny with spit. Jack nods. 

like the thing is jack doesn't really even... perceive the problem with what harper has done to him. like most of his interactions with the outside world have involved a lot of torture, murder, and imprisonment, because it's all involved hunting. and he is, well, enjoying the fact that a cute, age appropriate girl is paying attention to him and touching his face and pouring water down his throat.

She closes her eyes and touches the cuffs. They unlock. She flashes him an awkward grin as she slips into her chair. The silence lingers for a little too long before she says “come on, try the pasta.”

Jack stretches his hands. He feels Grace begin to flow, warming them and smoothing out the ache of being held in one position for so long. Three of his knuckles crack of their own accord.

He picks up the fork and does as he’s told.

“I like it,” he says. The pasta glops in his mouth. It’s a little hard to swallow.

one of my themes here is that jack doesn't necessarily know what he likes. almost every time he says "i like [thing]" in this fic he's doing it to please someone else. he's kind of learning his own preferences over the course of the fic, but he hasn't had an opportunity to before. he's been too busy, well, placating. i mean his preferences have to be negotiated! going back to the first scene, even buying the brand of bread he likes can be a transgression.

“And I like you,” Harper says, beaming.

-

Later, when he reappears in the motel room, sans burgers, he finds Sam pacing, and Dean nursing a sullen beer on his and Cas’ bed.

“Where were you?” Sam says, as Jack eyes Dean. “Cas is out looking for you.”

“I was…” he trails off, and then decides on the truth, or most of it. “I was with a girl.”

jack still wants to keep harper to himself.

“A girl?” Dean says, and he doesn’t sound angry, he sounds… surprised.

gay dean winchester voice i thought you were a little homo like your dad, gay castiel.

“Like, a date.” Jack says. And Dean… laughs?

“Hey, that’s my boy,” Dean says, and he stands just to clap Jack on the shoulder. “Just come see me before the third date, alright?” Sam steps back, still looking concerned, but Dean is glowing. He ruffles Jack’s hair, and Jack feels himself smile. Dean is pleased. It feels… warm. Exciting.

gay dean winchester giving jack a good grade in being straight <3 and the thing is. jack does crave dean's approval. is the thing. like it's thrilling. dean is so mercurial that when the sun shines, it shines. jack isn't interested in approval from sam, or even really cas, because he's fairly confident in that. he craves approval from dean. this is like. unfortunately, one of the more genuine pleasures that jack actually likes.

-

On the drive home, Cas holds his hand the whole time.

one of my theses for the fic is that cas' main way of conveying affection to jack is touch, not speech. he's not exactly an accomplished communicator and cas, classically, is Not Thinking about stuff mostly. also, cas is worried here that he's losing his baby....... anxious angel.......

-

Dean is always first to jump in the shower when they all get home. He says that he’s too spoiled for motel room showers, these days, what with the bunker’s water pressure. He’s already sitting at the map table, wet hair combed back, by the time Jack has plugged his phone in and wandered back out to the kitchen for a snack.

neuroticism boy <3

“Hey, Jack,” he says. Jack stops, cereal box in hand. “Good job with the ghost back there. Even if you were gone for a couple hours in the middle.”

“Thanks, Dean,” Jack says, uncertain.

“Now that you’re getting a taste for the outside world,” Dean raises his eyebrows meaningfully, “it’s time we started taking you on some real hunts again. Let you get your hands dirty. This is a family business, after all.”

it sure fucking is.

“Yes. Yes, I’d like that.”

jack saying he likes stuff again <3

“Good kid.”

approval seeking missile.

-

A few days later, Jack finds himself dialing the number Harper put in his phone.

“So there’s this coffee shop in Lebanon…”

-

“...And then she wakes up to this mysterious monster stroking her face, because he was watching her sleep. Obviously.” Harper’s eyes are closed. She slowly twirls the stir stick in her caramel mocha.

“And she’s okay with that? When he just kidnapped her?” Jack leans forward. That’s what humans do, to show interest.

“Of course!” Harper says. “It’s romantic.”

“Makes sense,” Jack says, nodding. Romantic . Intriguing. He makes a mental note.

She regales him with the rest of the plot of Phantom of the Opera, and that’s easy. That, he’s ready for. But on the internet, it said you were supposed to talk about your interests on dates. So he had tried to prepare. He likes Star Wars . He likes Riverdale , although he’s only seen the first two seasons. He likes… phone games? He’s beaten all of Bouncy Hills , is that an interest? He likes… hunting?

i needed a romance where the love interest watches the mc sleep, and by happenstance i had literally just seen a performance of phantom while i was writing. it was originally a non-existent book, but i was so careful to be specific and real with all the other brands and pop-culture references and stuff, so i was happy phantom dropped into my lap at the last minute. oh and i chose not to use twilight bc that's too generic. anyway. we also have jack here really not knowing what he likes and wants. he doesn't really have interests outside of the family business, you know? he's an extension of his parents, he's not his own person. but he wants to be.

“So, what do you do all day,” Harper asks, and Jack says:

“Well, Sam and Dean have been teaching me to shoot.”

“They are? How come?” Harper’s eyes grow impossibly wider. They’re like wet marbles. Jack breathes in through his nose, and he can smell her strawberry lipgloss.

“Well, Sam says in case I lose my powers, I should know how to hunt the old fashioned way. And Dean says,” he pauses to pull his tongue back and take a breath so he can get the impression right, “‘ there are certain things a young man needs to know .’ So I’ve been learning.”

god dean is so funny

She giggles.

“So you’re like my very own Robinhood? Could you shoot an apple off my head?”

“No.” Jack shakes his head. His stomach twists as the image of Harper’s head bursting like a watermelon occurs to him. But everything is fine. He’s seen headshots before. Everything is fine. “I’m not very good,” he says, feeling vaguely apologetic. Harper frowns. 

i love how harper is ALSO incapable of seeing red flags. what if you were BOTH raised in different serial killer cults and only knew how to live your lives from books and movies.

“Aww,” she says. “Can I at least see your gun sometime?” Her hand brushes against him. Lands on his thigh. Jack feels a little hitch in his chest.

“Yeah, sure,” he says, after a long beat. He’s been using Sam’s for practice. But he can probably borrow one from Dean’s collection. “And besides,” he adds, “Dean says only chumps shoot for the head. A decent gunman will aim for the heart, every time.”

symbolism, whatever. also, when he borrows dean's gun to look cool <3

-

Dean and Sam are always talking about how much they love IHOP pancakes, but Jack likes Dean’s pancakes the best. Dean always makes them with chocolate chips, and cooks frozen strawberries into a syrup. Jack likes the butter they have at home better, too, the unsalted kind. The salted kind stresses him out, it’s too much.

jack once again sharing my food tastes, fuck salted butter. anyway. when it's domestic (evil).

Jack has a bite halfway to his mouth, slathered in strawberry syrup with a fresh (though still slightly green) banana, when Dean turns to him from the head of the table.

the banana will return.

“So, Jack,” Dean says, and Jack freezes, fork in the air. 

He meets Dean’s eyes and waits. Sam and Cas are still, as well.

“You went out. On your own.”

Jack swallows.

“Yeah, um. I’m… seeing someone.”

“Seeing someone? Like, a girl?”

“Yes.” Syrup drips onto Jack’s plate.

“Is it serious?”

“I… I don’t know,” Jack finds himself saying. He and Harper have been on two dates. What does that mean? “I like her.”

now this is more questionable. does he like her? he's certainly attracted to her. but is he dating her because he likes her or because he's a placation machine. like honestly this fic is kind of about the interplay of genuine pleasure and placation/approval seeking.

Dean mhm s.

menacing...

-

Jack needs to figure out where else he can take Harper on a date. But the problem is he’s… never really been anywhere? Motels all over the country, sure, and police stations, but for a date? He’s been to the Walmart, and to the Starbucks just outside Lebanon. He’s been to the closest bar to pick up Dean, once? He’s been in the Impala. But he’s never really been out in the world. Not the way normal people are, every day. He doesn’t even live in a house. Hasn’t ever really been in one for longer than a few minutes. The fluorescent light above his head flickers.

please hold my hand and imagine with me jack picking up dean from a bar. bad <3

-

Jack is watching Clone Wars in the Dean Cave when Cas comes in and sits next to him on the couch. Jack takes his headphones off. The leather creaks. Cas is a solid, warm presence, and Jack leans into him. 

headphones will return.

“What are you watching?” Cas asks.

“ The Rise of Clovis . I’m rewatching season six.” Jack shuts the laptop entirely.

had to interview my clonewarspilled friend @butchcastiel for this line. this is an episode where anakin beats a guy padme is fake-dating to a bloody pulp...

“Oh. I liked that one.” Cas strokes a hand through Jack’s hair. “I was thinking, Jack,” he says.

...which is why cas likes it <3

“About what?”

“I thought we could go on a little vacation together. A fishing trip. Dean says that that’s something fathers and sons do, away from the rest of the family.” Cas squeezes his arm.

yet the right hand knows not what the left hand is doing. an escape attempt, even if cas isn't thinking of it that way.

“Yeah, of course,” Jack says. He would like to spend time with Cas. Away from. From everything.

jack is though. maybe. in the back of his mind.

-

Sam and Dean are talking in the map room. Jack can’t hear what about, but he hears the table rattle. Someone had slammed their fist on it. He puts his headphones on. She can kill with a smile, she can wound with her eyes…

i thought this was a funny song choice.

-

There’s a soft knock on Jack’s doorframe. The door is open, but Sam is always careful to announce himself.

Jack looks up from his phone. He’d been playing Royal Match, nothing too interesting.

once again trying to stick to brands.

“Hey, Jack,” Sam says, a little apologetic. Sam is nearly always apologetic.

“Hi, Sam.” Jack waits. Sam will spit it out, eventually.

“I just wanted to,” Sam ducks his head a little as he enters the room, as always, even though he isn’t actually quite tall enough for his head to hit the doorframe, “you know, talk.”

“I like talking to you,” Jack says. 

this. is also maybe not true <3

“Yeah.” Sam’s mouth twitches. “I thought since, you know, you’re dating and all that, we could have a kind of, you know, chat. About dating.” It only takes Sam three steps to reach the bed, and he sits next to Jack. Jack locks his phone.

The silence is a little uncomfortable. Sam is making a face. There is some kind of importance that Sam and Dean are putting on all this that Jack does not really understand, but he wishes they would get over it. He doesn’t want to say that, though.

“It- it can be nice. You know,” Sam starts, “meeting new people. Getting, um, involved. You know, butterflies, and all that.”

“Butterflies?”

“Figure of speech.” Sam huffs a laugh. “I mean getting, you know, infatuated. When you really like someone and they make you nervous and excited at the same time.”

That seems right. Jack scoots a bit to turn more towards Sam.

jack is maybe not interpreting "nervous" in the way sam means it. in fact sam may actually be reinforcing some bad stuff for jack like "it's normal to be afraid of people you are close to" <3

“And I just wanted to say… that’s okay. If you want to, you know, put yourself out there. Experience new things. Get away from the family for a bit.” Sam smiles, but it’s more like a kind of grimace. “I just wanted to say that you should… be careful. Sometimes a girl can, um, she can change you. Not always in ways that you like. So uh, keep an eye on that.”

ruby mentionnnnnn. anyway if i was ready to add maybe 5k more words to this fic it would have had a whole samwena subplot where sam neurotically freaks out about his own fetish for evil women. also hilariously. jack is in fact kind of replicating one of sam's patterns in this fic. but maybe not exactly this one <

Jack is a bit lost, but Sam is still grimacing at him, so he nods.

“I will. Don’t worry.” 

Sam looks relieved.

“Great. You’re a great kid, Jack.”

-

Harper has started texting Jack “good morning” every morning. With a little heart. 

Usually, they come in around eight. He anticipates them each day. They make his heart pick up speed. Jack doesn’t sleep much, now that his Grace is back, so responding ends up marking time for him in a way the lightless bunker can’t. It’s nice, a little deadline. He has to respond, or she’ll get mad. Like clockwork.

jack loves to be afraid in his relationships it's so familiar.

Morning, he sends. For an emoji, this morning, he picks the heart eyes face.

-

Dean is in the kitchen. Outside in the hallway, Jack can hear him. He’s putting the dishes away, judging from the clatter. Probably in a good mood, then. Jack can come in.

All of the stock pots are on the kitchen counters. Dean is stacking them by size to fit them in the upper cabinet where they go. 

“Dean?” Jack says.

“Yeah?” Dean answers, still fiddling with the pots. It’s almost more of a yup, actually. Like yeeauhp.

i put so much effort into the deanisms in this fic.

“You said to come talk to you. Before the third date.” Jack waits. Dean puts his pots down. Turns around. 

god dean is so sitcompilled

He takes a breath, holds it for a moment, and lets it out in a sigh, eyes closed. Jack steps back, ready to leave Dean alone, but when Dean opens his eyes again, he frowns at Jack’s movement.

“C’mere, kid.” Jack steps forward again, close enough that Dean puts a hand on his arm, draws him in until they’re side by side leaning against the counter. “Do you know what a condom is?”

Jack has never heard the word. He feels the slight pinch of a definition slotting into place in his mind, a latex sheath worn on the penis during sex to prevent pregnancy and disease. The image presented is of a little blue ring in a square packet.

He nods.

“Okay, great,” Dean says. “I’m gonna go get one in a minute. Show you how to put it on. But I want to impress upon you that latex is your best friend.”

Jack nods again.

“The first rule,” Dean points a finger at him, “is that if a chick says she’s on birth control, no she isn’t. That’s your responsibility. You don’t want twenty years of child support, and we don’t want some kind of double nephilim running around. Plus, I’m pretty sure you’re too magic for the clap, but let’s not risk it.” Jack is staring at the refrigerator, listening to Dean’s words. He’s not sure what the clap is. “You still with me, kid?”

DEAN MISOGYNY MOMENTTTTTTTTTT also dean being like you shouldn't breed because you're genetically evil moment

“Yes,” Jack nods aggressively. He turns to look Dean in the eye.

“Good.” Dean pats his arm. “The second rule is, make sure everyone’s having fun, capisce? If you want her to come back, it’s not just do what feels right or whatever hippie crap they probably teach in schools these days. Girls are like cars, it’s mechanical. You have to understand how things work and put some elbow grease in, understand me?”

gay dean winchester: you think sex with women is supposed to make you feel good? bake you an apple pie, maybe? it's supposed to make you miserable that's why it's sex with women. i wanted dean to have some deranged misogynistic things to say, but i didn't want it to come off as rapey because that just like... isn't his derangement. that's how i came up with the "hippie crap" line. i wanted it to come off more "insanely regimented and rules-oriented" than "sleazy." also, carfucker <3

“I understand.” Jack blinks once.

“Okay, follow me.” Dean grabs a banana for some reason, then beckons as he marches out of the kitchen.

RETURN OF THE BANANA

Dean explains his system as they walk. “First of all, don’t go straight for the cooch. That, heh, makes you an asshole. Show her a good time, first. It’s called foreplay, and it’s important. You know, kiss her, touch her, all that stuff.” He gesticulates with the banana. “Depends on the girl, but some common places they like to be kissed, touched, licked, lightly pinched, or tickled are on the neck, collarbone, tops of the shoulders, just behind the ears, breasts (especially the nipples), sides, hips, bellybutton, small of the back, underside of the stomach, and inner thighs. Be gentle, no girl likes to feel pawed at unless she has some kinda serious daddy issues.” Dean glances at Jack. Jack follows him into his and Cas’ room.

i just love it when dean says heh. he's such a heh guy. also. no girl likes to feel pawed at unless she's got some serious daddy issues, likely thing for dean winchester to say <3. also, well. stay tuned for more info about jack's bedroom preferences.

“Once you’re cleared for landing, though, there’s a method. You don’t just stick it in.” Dean sits on his bed with a grunt, and starts rummaging in the bottom drawer of his end table. “Damn,” he says, as an aside, “I thought I was up shit creek.” He withdraws a cardboard box like a box of bandaids from the drawer and puts it on the bed, next to the banana. 

“Okay. Well, you're gonna want to touch her, first. You can look up diagrams on the internet for help with what it's gonna look like, but find the clitoris. Get your fingers a little wet first. If she's wet, use that. Otherwise you can lick your fingers or use a condom-safe lube. Then stroke it, and press gently. You can stick your fingers in, too, but only if she's wet. If she doesn't get into it, then you can suck her clit, that never fails. If she's really into it, you can stick your tongue in, but don't start there, work up to it.” Dean looks at Jack for confirmation. Jack mhms . “You know, I tried to teach your dad all this stuff. Never got the sense he listened too closely. I suppose we know why, now.” Dean grins, looking off into the distance. There's a pause, and then he clears his throat. 

gay dean winchester: i tried to teach your dad, my partner who i am sleeping with homosexually, how to have sex with women. but obviously we know he's gay now, because he's having sex with me. so it makes sense that he didn't listen to my unhinged "advice."

“Alrighty. During all this, you should try to stay, uh, ready, as they say, or she might get offended. That shouldn't be too hard at your age, but if it becomes a problem, you can utilize the three d’s - distract, distract, and distract. No girl is thinking about your dick while she's getting her pussy licked. And it's great cover if you need to jerk off a little or think about something else to get back at attention, if you know what I mean.” Jack doesn't, but agrees anyways. 

gay dean winchester, after having just discussed how his same sex partner is gay, in their shared bedroom: obviously you won't always be able to get it up or keep it up, that's completely normal and you shouldn't be discouraged.

“So! This,” Dean reaches into the box and pulls out a packet, “is a condom.” He bares his teeth and tucks the foil between them, ripping it open. Sam is always telling Jack not to open things that way. The latex inside is red, and not blue. The banana has reappeared in Dean’s hand. It's bright yellow. perfectly ripe with one brown spot. Dean’s fingers sink in a little. “When you put it on, you pinch the tip,” he demonstrates, “and roll it down.” The latex makes the banana odd textured and shiny. Jack is aware that some condoms are lubricated , which is probably why this one is so slippery looking. “These ones,” Dean shakes the box, “are expired.” he pulls a face that Jack can’t really parse. “If you’d come to me a few years ago, you’d never have found me disappointing Tom Lehrer like that, but I guess I’m getting old. And it’s not so relevant, these days. But I can’t have you packing expired rubber, so tomorrow, you and I are gonna go to the drug store and we’re gonna pick up a box, how’s that sound?”

i spent so much time trying to figure out whether it was reasonable for dean to know who tom lehrer is..... ended up asking my dad......

“Sounds good,” Jack says. 

“Good kid,” Dean says, and claps Jack on the shoulder. “My dad always said if you're not mature enough to look the cashier in the eye while you buy condoms, you're not mature enough to be using ‘em. Now, I’ve got one last thing for you. This,” Dean reaches across the bed again, twisting his body to get into the drawers, “is a key to your room.” He produces a big brass skeleton key, easily the length of one of his fingers. “Remember to lock up before you get up to anything, eh?”

hits you with the "my dad always said" beam. also big boys who fuck have finally earned the right to privacy for the first time ever.

Jack nods. Before he gets up to sex. Is what Dean means. Because that’s private.

“So, what do you say about coming back to the kitchen and helping me make dinner, before you get too grown up to lick the spoons?”

-

Sam is the only person home when Jack finally invites Harper over, and he’s promised to make himself scarce “unless you need anything.” Dean and Cas are out on a hunt together, for, according to Dean, “a little alone time.” But Dean has given his blessing for the date. He showed Jack where to find microwave popcorn, and how to melt chocolate to drizzle on top. He bought a box of pop just for the occasion, told Jack which beer he was allowed to steal, and even taught Jack how to mix a cocktail called an old fashioned. Apparently “ chicks hate straight whiskey .” 

kansas is in the pop belt. so i feel justified in saying pop here. also dean is so happy that jack is getting a good grade in being straight and even happier that dean gets to micromanage it every step of the way <3 <3 <3

Harper knocks softly, but the acoustics of the main hall of the bunker are such that it echoes around the place. A kind of whispery thrum, by the time the sound is done bouncing.

When Jack opens up, she's wearing a red jacket. It’s so bright. He’s never seen anyone other than Rowena wear something so colorful. There’s a thread loose near the collar in a way Rowena would never tolerate, though.

man jack doesn't know any women and also everyone on supernatural dresses the same. lord. anyway the loose thread is because she's laundering shit instead of dry cleaning it because she's living in her carrrrrr

“Hi.” He waves at her.

“Hi.” She waves back.

Their footsteps echo as they skitter down the stairs, Jack first, then Harper.

“It’s so… spacious,” Harper says, her cheeks stretching out in a smile that Jack is pretty sure you could qualify as nervous.

“Yeah, you know, it’s Men of Letters.” He’s halfway through his answer when he remembers to look at her when he talks.

“What’s that?” She cocks her head. The greenish lighting of the bunker washes her out. It even sucks the color from her clothes.

“You know, I’m not sure. Sam and Dean are apparently legacies, whatever that means. And some of them are British? I think Ketch was one.” The wood of the main room gives way to the concrete of the hallway under his feet as he leads her to the Dean Cave. 

“Ketch?” 

“Yeah, he’s… he’s a guy we know, I guess.”

hey did you guys remember that jack apparently video calls with ketch. i do.

Once they’re in the La-Z-Boys, she puts on a show called Pushing Daisies , which Jack likes. The bright colors and narrator make it easy to follow. He likes the world the main characters live in. It seems nice.

like the thing about 14x06 optimism is that it's basically a whole episode reference to pushing daisies. which i find charming. even if i don't actually like pushing daisies that much.

“Isn’t it so cute?” she stage-whispers, as Ned and Chuck play outside in the garden.

“Yeah,” Jack says. He’s not sure what’s supposed to be cute about accidentally killing your mother, but he makes a note of it.

jack voice that's the thing i'm sensitive about..... also this is a special treat that will help us later.

“Hey, um,” Harper says, “I’m sorry I stabbed you,” while the funeral director dies on the toilet.

“Oh, um. Okay,” Jack says.

“You don’t think it means I don’t love you, do you?” she sucks air in through her teeth. “Vance thought it meant I didn’t love him.”

“No, no,” Jack says, “getting stabbed hurts a lot less than getting shot, and people who love me have shot me before.”

Harper nods, contemplative, as Ned and Chuck stare at each other in horror.

i liked how this made it feel like the tv characters were reacting to the insane things that are being said. also, harper's reaction to the thing jack just said:

Jack’s hand is resting on the arm of his chair, she brushes her fingertips against his. It takes him a moment to discern what she wants, but then their hands hang between the chairs, joined, as Ned and Chuck kiss through their plastic wrap.

the placaterrrrr

-

“She sounds very sweet,” Cas says. “Your father did that when we first met as well. Stabbed me, I mean.” His face has gone dreamy.

well. as i said. this fic is situated in the cultural history of deancas horny stabbing... anyway. when cas' baby boy grows up to share his tastes <3

Jack nods. Dean. He means Dean.

-

Jack knows how to use Google. “What do boys and girls do on dates” is an easy enough query. And he has more questions. 

“Why do boys and girls like each other.” 

“What do girls like.”

“What do boys like.”

“What do people in relationships do.”

“How to date.”

“What do roses mean.”

“Why are diamonds a girl’s best friend.”

“What’s marriage.”

“Why do people like sex.”

“How to have sex.”

-

They’re watching Lost Boys again, but Jack has figured out how to get away with looking at his phone. Harper has been texting him a lot lately.

part of this is like. well the lost boys thing is one more way in which jack is not master of his own destiny. he doesn't even get to pick the movies he watches, it's one more way in which he's not allowed to develop outside the family and it makes sense that it would annoy him. but also maybe the issue here is that he is perhaps, scared of failing to answer harper.

Bzzt. So you guys kill more than just witches?

Yeah, Jack types, we kill all sorts of things.

Bzzt. That’s so scary. My mom only ever told me about witch hunters. That's all I ever really needed to know back home.

There are a lot of monsters out there. Sam and Dean have killed a lot of different types.

Bzzt. Can I see one?  

Jack blinks. The impulse to tell her that she has strikes him, but that would be weird. It would be a weird thing to say. She doesn’t know he’s a monster. Probably.

just a little reminder that jack is a person who was born into the leopards eating people's faces party, and that he's trying to recruit harper into it as well.

Sure. I’ll get them to take us along on a hunt sometime.

-

Sam catches him after breakfast. Hovering at his shoulder as he loads the dishwasher.

“I was wondering if you would be up for some shooting practice,” Sam says.

Jack can’t stop himself from rolling his eyes a little, but he nods.

sam is kind of jack's least favorite parent. he's close to cas, and is scared of/respects/seeks approval from dean, so sam is the odd man out, even though sam clearly does a lot of the material parenting work (teaching him things, helping him get out of trouble with dean, etc.)

He generally uses Sam’s gun at the range. It’s more comfortable in his hand than any of their spares, and Sam’s promised to get him a similar model once he’s ready to start out on hunts.

Jack hates the range. The noise-canceling earmuffs he has to wear give him a headache, and the kickback of the pistol jars the bones in his wrists. His aim sucks, and when he corrects it with his Grace, Sam makes him start over. “That's not the point.” Jack doesn't really understand what the point is.

jack putting on headphones to muffle noise is an image i stuck to in this fic. it was fun to play around with it.

Today they're doing 25 yards, at least, which is a lot easier. Jack starts out too low, but manages to walk his shots up until he's hitting nines, mostly. He still flinches at the shots, even with the earmuffs, but he's managing to keep it more subtle. Sam probably won't even notice. Hopefully.

yesssss flinchboy

One last crack, and that's actually a dead center hit. 

Something touches his back, and he jumps. Whirls. The gun is still in his hand, safety off.

jack gets to point a gun at dean for a change >:3

“Whoa there, sharpshooter, a little tense?” Dean says. Jack sees the words more than hears them. Lowers the gun. Tugs off his earmuffs. 

and dean just like. has no idea there's any tension in the household.

Dean’s hand. Dean’s hand patting him on the back. His heart is still racing a little, and he feels the corner of his mouth lift, against his will. Dean had been watching the whole time. Dean saw him hit the bullseye.

i tried to use the descriptor of jack's heart beating faster specifically when it's ambiguous whether he's excited or scared. anyway, approval seeking missile. jack doesn't even want to be that? like it's been clear so far that he is like. knowingly nervous of dean and unhappy living under him. but he also cannot help craving the approval.

His phone vibrates in his pocket. Harper’s good morning text.

another thing that it's ambiguous if jack is excited or scared about.

-

There aren’t any Aquariums in Lebanon, or in Smith Center. There aren’t really museums, exactly, either, at least not ones that aren’t basically run out of someone’s house. There aren’t roller rinks or even big malls. So Jack does his best to do as the internet says, and invites Harper to see a landmark instead: the Geographic Center of the Contiguous United States.

Well, he invites her, but she’s the one who picks him up in her yellow punchbuggy. It’s only about a half hour from the bunker, but she grips the steering wheel a bit alarmingly on the highway and grimaces.

everyone on this stupid show has a stupid ass fancy car. i thought a punchbuggy would be the logical choice for harper.

“I’m not, you know, really all that used to driving.” She gives a nervous giggle as the car she cut off the get to the exit lane beeps at her. “In McCook… I just- there were barely stoplights. We had a couple old guys there who went around on golf carts. Like in the road. I mostly just walked.”

Jack nods. He knows the feeling. He mostly just flies.

“I don’t drive either,” he tries, “I don’t get out much.”

“I like that in a man,” she grins, and turns her head, eyes firmly off the road. “It means you can’t cheat on me with some hussy. I don’t know what I’d do.” Her tone is trying for joke, but it isn’t quite working. She winks, but is also giving him somewhat of an intense stare.

He feels his cheeks heat, and his heart pick up.

ambiguous whether he's nervous or excited <3

The car hits the rumble strip, and Harper squeaks and turns back to the road.

The inside of the bug stinks of a rather pungent air freshener, and underneath that, something vaguely greasy. He wants to wrinkle his nose, but that might be bad. There’s a single fry in the cupholder. The back is crammed with junk: some cardboard boxes, a white trashbag full of clothes, and what looks like camping stuff. There’s a space cleared behind Harper’s seat, but it isn’t too big. Looks like just enough to put her seat back.

YEEEEEEAHHHHHH LIVIN IN HER CAR NOT COPING WITH REAL LIFE.

The Geographic Center of the Contiguous United States is mostly just a lump of rock. There’s a flag on top, obviously, but there isn’t much more to do once they’ve both climbed up and climbed down again. (The rock, not the flagpole, although Jack had considered trying to go up that, too. Just for a moment. Before he felt how slippery it was.)

“You know, it isn’t actually the geographic center,” Jack says. He’s supposed to make conversation.

“Really?” Harper says. The pitch is going up. She’s interested. He’s done well. “Then why…” she waves her hand at the flag.

“Apparently, the real center is on a farm up that way somewhere. Somebody owns it.” He points vaguely north. He’s quickly running low on Wikipedia facts he memorized for the date.

There’s a little hole in her red jacket. He taps her on the shoulder and puts a finger to it, but she flinches away. Now that he’s looking, the whole thing is looking a bit tattered. She grimaces.

the jacket deteriorates more.

“Sorry. It’s kind of hard to do dry-cleaning when you’re living in your car.” She looks away. “Everything is so hard out here. In McCook I knew where everything was and how everything worked. And everyone knew each other! And liked each other! And out here everything is gray and- and it's nothing but chain stores and corn fields and I don't know how any of it works! I got a parking ticket the other day, Jack! I don't even have a checkbook, how am I supposed to pay it? The outside world is so- so unromantic!”

definitely thinking of hero's journey here. except she got plucked out of yockeynatural which is even more fantastical and much more idyllic. anyway. as i said earlier i was also totally thinking of trapdoor. also, harper voice "romantic" <3

A single tear slips down her face.

“Oh.” He isn’t sure what to say to that, and her face is dark, so he just takes her hand instead. It seems to cheer her up a little, and Jack makes a mental note.

“I'm glad I have you, though,” she says, and squeezes his hand.

They end up wandering towards the US Center Chapel, a few yards off. The only building visible along the rather desolate highway edge. 

Jack remembers something he read about the chapel.

“Harper, check this out,” he says, pointing to a wooden box near the entrance. “Look, you can write little notes.”

“Oh, that’s so sweet! I guess the outside world can be nice sometimes.” exclaims Harper, her mood abruptly turning, “We should write something.”

“Yes.” Jack considers what he’s read on the internet. “You can’t go wrong with a classic.” That’s what Dean would say. He tears a slip of paper from the pad next to the box. Writes out H + J and traps the letters in a little heart.

handjob lol

“Oh, Jack,” Harper says, brushes her hand against his cheek. Her fingers are so soft. Delicate. He draws in a sharp breath. Her eyes look a little teary. She hesitates a moment before putting the paper in the slot, but it slips in eventually. 

FACE TOUCHING

She falls against him. She’s so little, her weight is barely an impact as he catches her and her head is under his chin, but she clutches around his ribcage and buries her face in his collarbone, and oh wow.

-

Cas is standing in the library when Jack walks in. His back is to the door, but Jack can feel his father watching him.

cas is the only person in this fic who jack refers to as his dad.

He goes to stand next to Cas. Cas reaches out, puts an arm around his shoulder. Jack leans against him.

“So, how are things with Harper?” Cas says it casually but there is a jolt of energy behind the words that he isn’t letting out on the human plane.

“They’re good. She likes me.”

Cas squeezes him a little tighter. He can feel Cas’ tendrils around him again. He couldn't, as a human.

when they hug in their trueforms... weh.......

“Dean told me that I should have a discussion with you about intimacy.” He’s looking at Jack now.

“Um,” Jack starts, “I think Dean uh, mostly covered it…”

“There are elements that we experience that I don’t think Dean will understand.” We. Oh. Of course. “I want to share…” Jack feels Cas’ consciousness begin to entwine with his and realizes what’s about to happen. He pulls back. 

as @restlesshush put it: when cas is your dad and starts mindmelding with you and you've been burned before

“I don’t want to know what it’s like to have sex with Dean.” The words come out sharper than he intended, and Cas’ face falls. Jack can feel him wilting. “Sorry,” he adds, trying to save things.

ENMESHMENT LOSS :'( cas wants to share everything with jack and envelope him and become one person and etc. and he's HURT that jack doesn't want to know about sex with dean. jack's REJECTING him as a parent. :c

“Are you sure?” Cas asks.

“Yeah. I just- sorry.”

Suddenly Cas is holding him with both arms, face in his shoulder.

cas feels like he's losing jack to the outside world, as i've said. this may be part of the motivation for that fishing trip, as well.

“Dean says you’re growing up,” he murmurs. Jack feels it more than hears it. He raises an arm and pats Cas on the back, the way he’s seen Dean do.

i really wanted to make this scene longer and more comedic as i've said, but it just was not happening. i needed it to be late in the fic and i needed late in the fic to be more serious, you know?

-

Harper is cute when she’s sleeping. She throws an arm up over her eyes and curls up, grasping one knee to her chest. In the orange of the streetlights, it’s adorable.

It’s a lot of work, getting up on the hood of her car without too much noise, but as long as he sits criss-cross applesauce, it’s pretty comfortable. And the one time she woke up, she gasped like she was scared, her mouth wide and plush and shiny, but then she blushed firetruck red and grinned and made a little heart with her hands, so this is probably what he was supposed to do. It’s romantic. 

just like harper's book! jack is trying to do the correct thing and he has no idea how to do that except from media and what harper has told him. and she has no idea what a red flag is so she thinks it's all cool.

-

Bzzt. So, what kind of music do you like?

I like classic rock.

Bzzt. Oh, cool. What do you like about it?

Well… Hm. Jack doesn’t know that much about music. What does he like? He knows… he knows what Dean likes. Does Jack even like music? It’s not a question he’s ever asked himself.

JACK FINALLY GRAPPLING WITH THE IDEA THAT HE MAY NOT LIKE THE THINGS HE THINKS HE DOES.

I just think it’s cool, I guess.

Bzzt. Okay!

-

The next time Harper comes over for a date, they watch Clone Wars . Harper says it's only fair, given that they watched her show last time.

They end up in Jack’s bedroom, since Sam, Dean, and Cas are watching The Beguiled in the Dean Cave. 

i mean the one from the seventies with clint eastwood obviously. anyway. thought that was a funny pull.

It's comforting, watching Clone Wars on a laptop. He's been doing it since he was only a few days old. Some of his first memories - real ones, not the strange dreams from before - include doing just this. 

return to the womb boy <3

He pulls up the movie first. Of course. But the opening crawl is barely over when he feels Harper tugging at him. She's kneeling beside him, sockfooted on the bed, shoes politely tucked next to his door. 

He turns, and suddenly her hand is on his jaw. A shiver runs through him, memories making his pulse speed up. Harper over him, pressure. Plastic at his lips. He closes his eyes. It's instinctive. Doesn't see but feels her pull him in.

ambiguous whether he's afraid or turned on. remember when she kidnapped him for a first date and then manhandled him?

Lip against lip is- It's interesting. Jack has touched his lips before. He's certainly put them against things. Food. His pillow. the turned up collar of his coat. And yet- and yet this is different. Something in it makes him shiver. 

Her hands are under his overshirt. Cool and powdery. He feels his stomach tighten as they sneak up his sides, brushing all the way.

Harper sucks his lip into her mouth. Scrapes it with her teeth. He feels a sharp movement of his own diaphragm, almost a hiccup, as she does it. 

He opens his eyes. Watches Harper devour his mouth. Her eyes, an inch or two away, flit under their lids like a girl dreaming. 

Cas had told him that he shouldn’t try to eat her. That he might get confused because he wanted something, but that eating wouldn’t be what he wants. He’s not sure what he wants.

this was my compromise since the cas sex ed scene had to be shortened.

He likes her.

this is the first time he's telling the real truth when he says he likes something. it comes after the music reckoning, so now jack knows that he's not sure of all his likes. but he's sure of this one.

Jack feels her move, and she’s light, but the way the canvas straps on his duffel bag are light. Weighing almost nothing, but holding everything. She’s across his lap, boxing him in. Straddling him. He can feel the heat, an emanation from between her legs. Jack chokes slightly. She leans forward, her body pressing against his until they’re collarbone to collarbone. Her lips brush his ear, and she whispers: “I’m better in bed than that orange slut will ever be.”

-

Dean catches the two of them sneaking to the door.

“You must be Harper,” he says, to Jack’s mortification. “Don’t I know you from somewhere?”

dean probably has enough cte at this point that he doesn't actually remember optimism

-

Sam jumps a little when Jack taps him on the shoulder. He always does that.

“Hey Jack,” he greets, shaking his hair out of his face. “What’s up?” He shuts his laptop and turns so he’s sitting sideways on the heavy wooden library chair.

“I wanted to talk to you about something,” Jack says. He fists his hands. He is going to ask. He is going to ask about Harper.

“Of course. You know you can always talk to me.”

“Yes. I like talking to you.” Is that true? Jack has never wondered before if that’s true. He is going to ask.

you see jack becoming more critical.

“So what’s up?”

He is going to ask.

“Can Harper come on a hunt with us?” The words don’t come out with the right inflection, but they’re out.

“Oh, uh, sure?” Sam says. “She knows, right? Cas said she knows. And she has some… ability…” Sam's mouth twitches, and he looks away.

sam projecting ruby and/or rowena again.

“Oh. Why wouldn't she?”

Sam's next breath is sharp, but he says nothing. Jack doesn't press further.

-

“Sam, Dean, Cas,” Jack says, “this is Harper.” He had agreed to “introduce her to the family,” if she was going to be hunting.

Harper stands at the end of the map table, like a doll waiting for an inspection.

Dean is sitting at the edge of the table, Sam and Cas on either side. He’d worked for hours on dinner, “ I don’t want to embarrass you in front of your girl, kid,” but all the sweat and exhaustion of that had been wiped away, probably with a shower, and he was looking every inch the congenial host. 

dean winchester "we can't let people know we sit" moment. also again dean is so excited to micromanage jack's heterosexuality

On one side, Sam smiles wanly at Harper. He seems nervous, somehow, his shoulders pulled in. Sam never seems quite comfortable at sit down family dinners, but this is more than that. His nerves seem directed at Harper. 

again. projecting ruby/rowena.

On the other side, Cas beams, even though Jack can see a little sparkle in his eyes.

cas crying a little...... his baby is growing apart from him.......

Harper’s place is set on Sam’s side of the table, and Jack’s on Cas’. 

“Come on, sit down,” Dean pronounces down the table, and everyone unfreezes. Harper seems to wake up from a stupor, and Jack follows her to her place at the table before looping back around to his own spot, behind the three grown ups.

Jack scoops mac ‘n cheese onto his plate as Dean interrogates Harper.

“So what do you do?”

“I’m a librarian.”

Harper meets Dean’s eyes solidly, but without challenge. Jack can’t help but be a little impressed. 

“Is it fun?”

“Yes, I love to read. I’ve always tried to see the world in books until now.”

“Where are you from?”

“Nebraska. You know, pretty small town. Not near anything important.”

“What’s your family like?”

“Oh, they’re nice. My mom taught me everything I know.” Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Sam zero in on her.

“That’s good, I like a girl who can respect her parents.”

YEEEEAAAHHHHH FAMILY BUSINESS.

Dean turns his gaze to Jack. Cas shoots him a little smile.

“So you two met on a case,” he says, “so how’d it happen? A little post-rescue eye magic, eh?”

“Well, actually, we were in a warehouse,” Jack starts, but his shins explode with pain. Harper has kicked him viciously under the table.

remember how dean pinched jack viciously earlier?

“Yeah, you know,” Harper says, “Jack saved me. From a monster.”

The image of Dean bursting into Harper’s apartment in pursuit of her ex-boyfriend comes unbidden to Jack’s mind.

teehee.

“Yeah,” he agrees, “totally.”

-

Jack jumps a little as air puffs out of the couch cushions. He’d had his eyes closed, been curled up, a little catnap while waiting on a text. But now someone is sitting beside him. Dean is sitting beside him. Jack doesn’t open his eyes, but he grips the arm of the couch.

“You know, kid, I’m proud of you,” he says. “Getting out there. Trying out living like regular people. The real world.”

“Yeah,” Jack says, quiet. He can sense Dean’s hand before it touches him, and he doesn’t flinch. Dean’s palm is warm resting on his elbow.

“I never really made it work, myself. I’m not used to the real world. Give me the life any day.”

like 80% of what dean means here is literally just "i, gay dean winchester, just could not hack it with a woman"

Dean chuckles. Jack glances over at him. He’s looking into the distance, somewhere else. Not any place in the bunker.

anyway this scene is about how dean is also like. a guy who was raised in a hole, like jack and harper. he too is from a serial killer cult and has no idea what's normal except what's on tv. it's turtles all the way down.

-

So, how did you get into Pushing Daisies, anyway?

Bzzt. My mom showed it to me. She wanted me to have positive necromancer role models.

That’s sweet. Where is your mom, anyway?

Bzzt. Oh, I killed her. She didn’t want Vance and me to be together.

That makes sense. Sometimes you do have to kill your family.

Bzzt. Exactly!

-

Jack’s got his headphones on to keep Sam and Dean’s voices out. Late every night when I am all alone, I call my baby on the telephone . He’s bored, stuck in his room all night, but it’s better than the alternative. Nothing sounds good to him, not TV, not games, not even YouTube, but he needs something to occupy himself.

During his research, the internet taught him about jerking off. A type of practice for sex, an experiment. He’s kind of curious about trying it.

jack jerking off to distract himself from sam and dean audibly fighting in the other room is an idea so diabolical i almost didn't include it.

He reaches a hand into his pants, and tries to picture Harper.

He tries just the idea of Harper, at first. Then he tries Harper in a swimsuit, like in one of Sam or Dean’s magazines. That’s interesting? But he’s not sure it’s really enjoyable. He might be starting to get an erection, but he doesn’t really know.

Harper spreading her legs like the woman in the vulva diagrams he’d looked at. That’s a little better. Harper lying on his bed spreading her legs. Okay. Harper pressing her vagina to him like she had when they’d kissed, except without clothing. Yeah. It could be hot against him. 

Harper on top of him. Harper trapping him, caging him with her arms, her crotch hot against his. His breathing is coming fast, now. Harper grasping him in her arms from behind, he can see the cloth in her hand, coming for his face. Harper over him in the warehouse. Climbing onto him. Wetness against him as he strains against his bonds.

The sound of a glass shattering against the wall in the kitchen breaks through his headphones. His breath hitches.

Harper straddling him, hot cunt resting against him, pressing the water bottle to his lips. Pouring it in ‘til he chokes. Her warm, delicate hand pressing to his throat.

He makes a mess in his hand. He’ll clean it up later.

no girl likes getting pawed at unless she has some serious daddy issues,

-

Jack is pretty proud of his banana bread. Dean had given him the recipe, apparently they needed to use up some bananas, but he’d made it all himself. No one else had even helped.

RETURN OF THE BANANAAAAAAAA

He sets the plate down and a glass of milk before Harper on the map table, and she smiles up at him.

“Where is everybody?” she asks, mouth full. “This is really good. They should come try some while it’s still warm.”

also i had fun using this scene to establish that harper has gotten comfortable here. "where is everybody" as though she's totally used to tfw.

“They’re in the dungeon,” Jack says. “Sam and Cas are torturing a werewolf.”

dean is not with them because dean has some torturing trauma and doesn't like torturing <3

“Oh, makes sense,” she nods.

“I don’t like torturing,” Jack says. “Dean says I’ll grow into it, though.”

dean voice you have to do some torturing to be a real man

Harper mhms and swallows. She reaches for another slice.

-

Cas and Dean are fighting. Jack can hear them outside his room. He tries to put on his headphones, I got something to say that might cause you pain , but they’re too close. Too loud.

another funny song choice. imo.

“You don’t think I know what you’re planning?”

“What?”

“Cabin for two, up in Nebraska? By the lake? Nice and romantic.”

“That’s not-”

“‘Fishing…’” Jack hears the sound of spitting. “Who is she?”

the way dean is like oh cas is gay earlier but as soon as tensions get high he assumes that cas is gonna leave him for a woman.

“Dean, listen-”

“Do you know what I would do if you left me, Cas? Do you know what it does to me when you just run off like you always do?”

i tried to make sure all of the Behaviors dean and harper exhibited in this fic were also exhibited by the other. so. deanjealousy.

Jack can feel the cold of the room key in his hand. He gets up, padding-quiet across the floor, and turns it. There’s a little clunk and he flinches, not expecting that. But it’s not loud enough to be heard over the crash from the kitchen. It appears the father-son fishing trip won’t happen after all.

dean gave him the key for sex but he's actually using it to symbolically protect himself from his household. also, the walls are closing in: cas can never be his escape route because cas will always cave. his independence has to be through harper.

-

“That’s,” Harper nervous-giggles a little, fingers digging into the rough sheets, “that’s crazy. That werewolves are real. The outside world is so weird.” She’s leaning back on her bed. Sam has given them both the spiel on tomorrow’s job and left them in Harper’s room. 

for harper there's no distinction between the real world and the hunting world, it's all outside of her fantastical world of yockeynatural.

Jack’s own bed is next to Sam’s in their double on the ground floor, but the singles are on the upper floor, so Harper is next to Dean and Cas. Jack can hear them murmuring to each other through the wall, but can’t make out the words.

“Yeah, I guess.” Jack stands near the tiny motel TV, not sure whether to put his hands in his pockets or clasp them behind him, and so doing neither.

“Kind of scary,” she says, eyes closed. She tilts her head back, looks up at the ceiling through closed eyelids. Her neck is long and delicate.

“I’ve never thought about it that way,” he says, “it’s just how things are.”

many things in jack's life are like this.

-

Dean and Cas are sneaking in the front. Sam is crouched in the bushes for back up. 

yes. YES. serial killers destroying the ordinary nuclear family.

Jack gets to go in the back.

The house is mostly brick, at least on the first floor, which is good for a shootout. Less risk of overpenetration. The backyard is pretty manicured, which is less ideal, but at least it isn’t illuminated. Dean said everyone in this household is a werewolf, so at least there’s no risk of civilians.

Jack keeps a hand on his - Sam’s - gun as he steps between tomato plants. He stays off the slate-paved path to the back door. Too much risk of noise.

He can’t hear Harper behind him, but he can feel her fingertips brushing his.

The screen door creaks and he flinches, not expecting that. He hears Harper gasp behind him. But no other sounds are forthcoming. After a moment, he untenses and steps in.

The hallway’s wallpaper is yellow. Slightly scuffed from when some large piece of furniture had knocked against it, perhaps years ago. There are two doors, one on the left, and one at the end. 

lol. yellow wallpaper.

He can hear his own footsteps, just barely, but not Harper’s. He glances back to see her sock-footed. She must’ve slipped out of her shoes at the door.

He nudges the door on the left open, gun raised, but it’s dark. Small. Too small for someone to be hiding. A bathroom. He flicks the light on, just in case, but it’s definitely empty. Nothing but the SpongeBob loofah looking back at him. He nods to Harper.

all the little marks of a perfectly normal household of regular people that they're gonna kill <3

The main light is off in the room at the end of the hallway, but Jack can see a light of some kind, cold and flickery, shining from inside. A screen maybe.

He presses the door and it swings, stopping just short of hitting the wall next to it, and Jack breathes a tiny sigh of relief, but tenses again when he sees inside. The room is dark enough to just be shapes, but there’s a bright square of image in the center, and just in front of it, the clear outline of a head.

Jack freezes.

Bang. Bang bang. 

Three shots in quick succession. From the front of the house.

The figure doesn’t move.

Jack hears Dean’s voice shout “front clear,” but he’s too focused on the figure to really hear it. He inches forward into the room, gun pointed. Safety off.

The werewolf is wearing headphones. That’s why he didn’t hear it. Gunfire is spattered across the screen in cold white flashes, and he’s wearing headphones.

when the kid doesn't hear the fighting. because he's wearing headphones. :3

Jack steps up behind him and pulls the trigger.

YEEEEAHHHH JACK KILL YOUR DOUBLE. unselfawarely

Gunshots are very loud. Most people know this, but it’s hard to express just how unpleasant it is to hear a bullet fired a few feet from your face without ear protection. Jack still hears Harper squeal.

Blood is spurting from the werewolf’s chest in a geyser, and Jack can see his face illuminated in the light of the screen, the boy’s mouth fishlike and gasping as he expires. The light flickers. Computer generated blood splashes across the monitor and it goes dark, displaying the message “You have died.”

Jack turns to look at Harper. She’s covered in blood. It soaks the ruffles of her buttercup-yellow shirt, and drips from her lashes as she stares at him, wide-eyed.

starts in blood, ends in blood. a bloody coming of age. jack getting initiated into the sickness of a hunter's adulthood. he has become what his role models have taught him to be, in every way.

The next moment, she’s flung her arms around him. Face buried in his shoulder. He can feel her shaking, but he feels warm.

-

Sam drives them home in the Impala. Dean and Cas are taking Cas’ truck.

Harper dozes, her head on Jack’s shoulder, gore sticky all down her front.

instead of hiding the blood, jack shows it off like a badge of honor. it's initiated him into adulthood.

-

Jack leans against the map table. He feels a lot better after a shower and a change of clothes, but he’s still wired. Wired enough that he flinches when he hears Dean’s step.

“Whoa, Tony,” Dean says, and Jack feels the hand on his shoulder, firm but gentle. Okay. Jack relaxes a little.

flinchboyyyyyyy. approval seeking missile. both at once.

“You did good today, kid,” Dean says, “get some sleep.” And it’s a warm, fizzing thing. Jack feels it from the tip of his toes up to behind his ears. He did good today.

oh also. i wanted to say. another reason i decided to excise the soul magic plot entirely is that i didn't want people attributing jack's character arc in this fic to soullessness. he Did That all on his own <3

-

Jack’s phone buzzes, and he jolts awake. Good morning <3.

FLINCHBOY! fin

[freckliedan]

yk when you talk about mpreg (you absolutely do not have to answer his btw) do you mean the one getting pregnant has """"female"""" anatomy or just . is a cis man who Somehow gets pregnant

coz i've never known like when ppl talk about mpreg do you imagine one of the people as trans or just Somehow being a cis man w a uterus of a Secret third thing like????!!

hi anon!!!!! ty for asking me this i LOVE to yell about mpreg. the thing about this is that literally every person you ask would have a different answer. and i personally am fascinated by how many different ways there are of conceptualizing and writing about mpreg so i'm willing to read most things?

on my own blog when i'm riffing about phan mpreg i would say i'm picturing neither of the options you mentioned in your first paragraph?

in general¹ i am at best disinterested, at worst squicked by mpreg or omegaverse (or even transmasc fics) where the character who can get pregnant's body is referred to with exclusively "female" terms/has a body like a cis woman's/that is pointedly emasculated or feminized.

nothing inherently wrong with that being someone's cup of tea but it just makes me personally uncomfortable bc of how i and the lovers i've had have experienced transness! & i know that's maybe not 1:1 what you were asking with your phrasing but it's something i see pretty commonly so i figured it was worth mentioning.

i also don't necessarily picture them as cis men who magically got pregnant either? that's way closer, but it's less interesting to me on a personal gender and potential worldbuilding level. a lot of the time fics that do this are also going for mpreg being more medically traumatic/dangerous rather than a normal occurence and i'm overall pretty ehhhh on the execution of that. it can end up pretty intersexist & transphobic at times.

oooh no men ever get pregnant but the protagonist of this fic is an exception and it could kill him and there's relationship problems now about this being a surprise AND whether to keep the baby. have we mentioned yet that no men ever get pregnant and that there's something seriously weird about someone having atypical sex characteristics²?

you get the picture.

overall my posting is essentially playing in an unspecified/vague (and impossible) realm where both dan and phil are their usual selves—so overall still have the primary and secondary sex characteristics cis men do—but they ALSO have uteruses etc & maybe an associated extra hole. and the base assumption is that that mix of traits isn't atypical for the universe i'm playing in when i explore concepts?

overall the way think about phan mpreg is much closer to omegaverse biology than our own, but without the more wolfy aspects of omegaverse? it's not realistic or possible biologically. clearly defining that aspect would make it fall apart. and that's fine!

figuring out the nitty gritty of how birth & biology works isn't the fun part for me? the fun part is "how would dan and phil react to an unplanned pregnancy in a world where they are the same besides that being possible for them". i do usually imagine it being possible for both of them to become pregnant and cause a pregnancy? but the details on how it's possible are adaptable moment to moment depending on what suits my fancy.

for full transparency, this is all just in regards to phan mpreg. i think that people could teach college courses on destiel mpreg. there's SO many different interesting ways i've seen that go that are completely incompatable with the way i enjoy being silly about dan and phil. and that's just one example?

my ideal mpreg universes when crafting aus for fave existing characters are very much so in line with "trans man but no need for top surgery and he gets to have a built in functioning dick & balls, no surgery required there either"³. but that inherently takes things more seriously than i take phan mpreg posting.

or i just go with a character being a trans man? one of my OCs is a trans man as well, and in happier AUs⁴ of my original story he gets to have a family with his lover.

i hope this helped but i really have no idea whether it did or not! either way thanks for the excuse to ramble.

¹i have read exactly one omegaverse mpreg that falls in this category that has an execution i actually enjoy, and i think it's because it's self aware and intentional about what it's doing.

²it is somehow worse when people do actually say "this is because the person who got pregnant is intersex". i've never once seen that actually done well.

³this is transgender wish fulfullment.

⁴unfortunately for him his lover is very much so doomed by the canon narrative. reason why i'm on about AUs of my original writing. i post about my original story @unloneliest and @ostrela-wip

[kerryweaverlesbian]

Character Ask: Jo! (you know i have to) <3

Hehehe hi Ally!!!! @lesbianjoannaharvelle I'm just gonna do the answers that I think I have interesting things to talk about for 😇

First Impression: I do naurt remembar....shrug emoji...I met her over 10 years ago....

Now Impression: GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY HOMOSEXUAL GAY. Butchest a girl can be without twitter cancelling her.

Favourite thing about her: she's ANGRY!!!!!!! I love an angry woman! The world is against her and she's against IT.

Favourite interaction: her and Ellen during their deaths (MORBID) just like. That's her mommy 😭

A character I wish she interacted with more: we were ROBBED of a Jo Bela episode. I think if it was one of the seasons where they tried to care about women then they'd have met. Someone who wants to leave her family and someone who had to destroy hers, the clash of aesthetics, Jo telling her "you shoot like a girl" and Bela telling her "don't tell me - your daddy taught you everything you know. guess he didn't know all that much then." [Btw if the jobela concept intrigues you, read my jobela heist fic lol]

I also think. This is entirely self indulgent I have no justification. She should have met Hannah and taught her how to be human and be taken very seriously and find her abundantly charming. And they should kiss. The dean mirror and the cas mirror can have some sapphic destiel mirroring together. As a treat.

A song that reminds me of her: !! Strange Girl by Laura Marling:

I love you my strange girl,

My lonely girl,

My angry girl,

My brave!

I think of Jo EVERY time. Because I do love her my strange girl my lonely girl my angry girl my brave... it's a song about a mother trying to meet her kid where she is and support her even when she's worried about her getting hurt (you're changing all the time, and it starts to blur the line, that's supposed to keep you safe!) which naturally reminds me of the Jo and Ellen relationship

An unpopular opinion: I think she'd have a MUCH harder time intergrating into a friend group or a big family than fics tend to consider. The people she hangs out with on a regular basis: 1. Her mom 2. Ash 3. Random drifters at the bar. That's it that's the list. We know she was alienated in highschool, so she hasn't learned how to exist in a group setting long term.

How is she likely to feel if she was swept into a big party with all of the Winchester's friends in a place she isn't in control of? Territorial, jealous, ignored, out of place. She sees her mom getting along with people just fine, and Dean (her mirror!! Her idol and her equal!) being lavished with positive attention from all sides. And Ash is zonked out with the stoner club* and it reconfirms to her that she's just a loser. Like. I think she'd get to a place of enjoying a big group! But it would take work. She's also Not Like Other Girls so that'd take some working on too lol.

*Ash, Pamela, Meg and Castiel (if they can get him away from Dean long enough)

Favourite picture: I'm putting it below the cut because. It's a little scary.

It's a beloved book club memory from our [me and ally's] beloved @gwasgy about our [me and KK's] beloved snail 🧡

[geekthefreakout]

I want to start writing again, but can't pick what to work on, so here is a list of WIPs I have going that I haven't done much with. What should I put effort into first? Poll under the cut. Also, you can suggest things! Please vote and reblog?

Coming Clean (At Least I'm Trying)- Fandom: Supernatural. Pairing: Destiel. Alternate ending to s15, where Castiel struggles with his new humanity and Dean struggles with his nascent sobriety. They both try to make their new relationship work. Features Jack and Sam in big supporting roles. Multi chapter, some already up on AO3 here. I lost half of the next chapter because my computer crashed, and I have been struggling to get back into it.

Blood Brothers- Fandom: MCU. Pairing: Winterfrost. The sequel to my fic Pieces of Me Fit Pieces of You. AU: Canon-divergent after Thor: Ragnorak, ignoring credit scene. Loki and Bucky adjust to life in New Asgard, the people who love them adjust to each other, and the shadow of the Mad Titan looms on the horizon. Features Einar, the best horse ever, and many Avengers in supporting roles. I don't have anything posted yet, but I've outlined a lot of it. Hyperfixation brain has not let me work on this in a while.

The Autobiography of Una Chin-Riley- Fandom: Star Trek. Pairing: Garashir. After Julian's augmentations are revealed, Garak comes to him with a most interesting book. Intended to be a one-shot where Garak and Bashir discuss eugenics and civil rights, and what effect the legacies of both Una and Khan had on Bashir's decision to join Starfleet. I have about 1300 words of this so far.

Killing Time and Killing Dads- Fandom: The Flash CW. Pairing: Coldflash, pre-relationship. Canon-divergent AU where after Zoom kills Henry but before Barry creates Flashpoint, Snart appears on the Flash's radar and the two discuss fathers, failures, and the things they can't change. I've been mulling this over for a while but haven't written it. It would probably be a one or two shot. If you want to know my voices for these characters, check out my other fic that also has Snart being around for Henry's death. I guess I just like the concept.

Untitled Bashir War fic- Fandom: Star Trek Pairing: none focused, but probably light Garashir because I can't help myself. I watched Band of Brothers recently, and the episode "Bastogne" prompted me to consider the toll being a battlefield medic took on Bashir, and meditate a bit on how little war has really changed through the centuries. I have 1100 words so far. I need to rewatch a few Dominion War episodes to make sure I don't have any glaring contradictions in my Star Trek medicine.

Not any particular fic, but some of my usual light stuff you might find in my "Sam Writes Stuff" tag- things like Garashir reacting to stuff, random head canons that may or may not become fics later, various fandoms. Most likely to be Arrowverse Flash, Star Trek, Dragon Ball, Supernatural, or Batfam.

Okay, so what do you think? Do any of these strike your interest? Or do you have something else you would like me to write? Vote below!

[oh-goodness-loki]

Shipper Tag Game!

I was tagged by: @theflagscene, thank you!

What ship were you completely obsessed with when you were a teenager, but now you don't care about anymore?

I don't remember much about when I was a teenager, least of all shipping characters (this concept didn't occur to me until I started reading fanfiction and getting onto Tumblr). I just remember getting into fanfiction because of Supernatural/Marvel. So I guess ummm Loki/Darcy or Destiel.

2. Which ship would you consider your first one?

It would probably have been a y/n x supernatural character. Starting out, I was really into those for a while but besides that, I think...Destiel or Loki/Sigyn.

3. Your first fanfic belonged to which couple?

The only fanfiction (that I've finished and published) are for Hannigram (hannibal x will). It's a Phantom of the Opera AU and idk I think for a first fic, it was pretty good.

4. Do you remember the first couple you saw fanart of?

I honestly can't remember. My memory is pretty shit about some things.

5. Did you ever get into ship discord?

Nope. I think it's a waste of time. I'm very much someone who lets people ship what they want. If I see a ship I don't like, I just block the tag.

6. Did you used to have a NOTP or have any currently?

I am not a fan of the R*ylo ship. The pairing is whatever, but what I hate the most about it is the fact that the movies were completely changed to have those characters together. It was honestly shit.

7. Who were the couple in the last fanfic you read?

Babe/Charlie. It would've been Phaya/Tharn but I am trying to stay away from spoilers and I don't want to accidentally come across one on ao3.

8. Currently have any OTPs?

*cracks knuckles* Hannigram, Phaya/Tharn, Hannigram, Babe/Charlie, Alan/Jeff, Jaeyoung/Sangwoo, Symbrock, White/Sean, Mickey/Ian, and Vegas/Pete. I'm sure there's more, but those are what I remember.

9. Is there any couple that to this day you are extremely mad about them not getting together?

I don't know...

10. Is there any ship that you used to dislike but now you think are kind of interesting?

I used to hate Eddie Gluskin (from Outlast Whistleblower) and he gets shipped with Waylon Park. A few years ago I saw fanart of them in a Cabin in the Woods AU and then I read the fic that was based off of that fanart and I was hooked.

11. Do you have a ship that in the past was considered 'normal' but now you would be canceled over?

I don't think the fandom has ever considered it 'normal' but Hannigram is hated by a huge portion of the Stranger Things fandom.

12. What's your favorite crack ship?

Idk if it's considered a crack ship, but SpaceDogs (Nigel from Charlie Countryman and Adam Raki from Adam). I just find them adorable.

13. Who is the couple you've read the most fanfics of?

Hannigram (this includes the Hannibal Extended Universe IYKYK) They are my OTP of OTPs.

14. What do most of your ships usually have in common?

Probably obsessiveness. The type that IRL would be very unhealthy, but is so delicious to read.

15. What do you absolutely hate in a ship?

Miscommunication. It's so annoying. Especially when one character refuses to hear the other's explanation or where one character hears the other talking to someone and they mishear/assume something and then leave before hearing the rest of it. And it leads to a misunderstanding and ugh. It gets annoying lol.

Tagging: @negrowhat @obvious-fandom-reference @therealblessedaffliction @kijilinn @thedeviljudges

[scoobydoodean]

The only issue I've ever had with DeanLisa is that it reads too much to me like the "I've met you only a handful of times and I wanna spend the rest of my life with you" ala Disney Princess + Prince trope, and I just can't stand that trope. That's just a personal preference though

But I've never had a problem with Lisa herself - I think she's really fucking cool actually, and that she really did care about Dean. I think they both were reaching for an ideal, a dream, and they found solace in each other, but the circumstances that led them together (the second/third/fourth) time were not conducive to a lasting relationship.

I think it's more biphobic to be super anti DeanLisa tbh? (as a concept, not saying you have to ship them). Bc it's denying that part of Dean, like people really wanna dive deep into Dean's queerness in the way he interacts with men, but it's incredibly biphobic to then deny a relationship he had with a woman that meant a lot to him. That relationship doesn't take away from his queerness, he's still bi even while he's with a woman. Sure, I can see the argument behind comp cishet relationships and how that's bi/homophobic, but I think in this situation it's more nuanced than that? There's so many factors that lead into Dean going to Lisa (mainly feeling completely abandoned by everyone..which...he more-or-less was, be it on purpose (Cas) or not (Sam)) after such incredible trauma, he's obviously going to go to someone who he can find comfort in, that he already knows, who cares for him and he cares for back...I don't think that's comp cishet

I guess I lived in my own little SPN bubble bc I had no idea people hated her so much until fairly recently, as I started seeing posts and stumbling upon old fics where she's written as a nasty bitch for NO good reason

I appreciate your thoughts on them, tbh bc I feel like I don't ever see people talk about them or it's in a very disparaging way

Yeah I agree with you. I have no problem with people just saying "I don't like it. It just isn't my thing. It's boring, it doesn't appeal to me, I do not vibe with it, I like another ship better, he should have gone to Cassie instead, I don't think the storyline ever should have been done because of x,y, z" etc. What is sooo weird to me is people who can't live with just saying they don't like it and have to make the fact that they don't like it some kind of moral issue and/or talk about it in a way that ends up just displaying their own (internalized or externalized) biphobia and misogyny (edit: and even ableism—because I have seen that one quite a bit too).

I have seen people say:

Lisa and Dean are both used up because they've had so much sex with other people and therefore the relationship is nothing more than an expression of their mutually low standards, where simultaneously neither of them are good enough for the other because they have had too much sex. (Which was then back tracked to Dean being the only one who is all used up from all the sex he has had, because we wouldn't want to be misogynists).

Dean and Lisa's relationship is conservative christian (as someone raised in a conservative christian home, I can assure you that is not the case).

Dean and Lisa is a heteronormative relationship and is therefore bad. That is... not only very debatable, but based on what? Why? What is so "heteronormative" about it? I'll pay someone $50 if they can tell me without being biphobic, homophobic, or misogynist, or basically line for line describing a post-canon or AU destiel fic they’ve recced before just replacing Lisa with Cas. (Having a home is heteronormative? Parenting a child? Living together? What is it? I can never get a straight (heh) answer.)

Dean/Lisa is biphobic. Again... why? Because Dean is with a woman? Do... do we know what bisexual means? Are we sure?? Because it sounds like—frankly—the queer community yet again being one of the more biphobic communities around, and saying bi people are only interesting and acceptable when they are in same sex romances, and otherwise they are heteronormative and bad and wrong and boring. Which is a great thing to make bi people on the internet (whether you count yourself among them or not) read. Like. I think the way we interpret many characters who are not explicitly and openly bisexual as bisexual has also in some sense poisoned people into treating bi-ness as like... an exciting accessory, instead of a sexuality. Which is again—not how bisexuality works, but is how people on Tumblr often seem to treat bisexuality when they act like it is an accessory being thrown on or taken off by a character. "Well Dean isn't wearing his bisexuality accessory right now since he's in a 'het' romance, so he is not shiny enough and I am not interested in him". It's just fucking weird and it makes me uncomfortable.

Also, I don't know why this comes as a shock to some people, but calling something "het" is not inherently an argument proving that thing is bad and wrong, and suggesting that it is is also fucking weird.

Edit: Another one I forgot—"Dean is messed up/'damaged' therefore Lisa should never have allowed him in her home". Because we think people with PTSD shouldn't be shown kindness by people who don't have PTSD, I guess, and people without PTSD should avoid people who have PTSD at all costs.

Like. It is no secret that I utterly despise Sam/Amelia. But you know what I don't do? I don't go around calling it heteronormative, or applying my weird conservative christian leftovers about sexual purity to the relationship, or saying Sam was too messed up in the head and a "normal" woman never should have allowed someone so "damaged" to be in her life, in order to shout from the roof tops how "problematic" it is for them to be together. I just say "I don't like it because Amelia is not an enjoyable character to me. I find her extremely awkward and uncomfortable and I don't like the way she talks to Sam and don't understand the romance."

[danpuff-ao3]

slash ships to get to know me

Thanks for the tag @greenmegsnoham! And apologies for the lateness!

Rules: Name at least five (no upper limit) slash (M/M) ships you love. Each from a different fandom.

Harry Potter/Severus Snape

Snarry. The Chosen Prince. Mr. Sass and Mr. Snark. The ship of my soul. Oh how I adore them!

Genuinely, there is too much I love about them, and I feel like I talk about them ad nauseum. But I can't help it!! The angst, the drama, the scandal, the taboo, the baggage, the tension, the potential!!!! There's so much there to play with!!!!

They were also my introduction to shipping near twenty years ago. Wee lil 11 year old Danni played with Google for hte first time, stumbled into an explicit Drarry fic, and stumbled out with a curiosity for Snarry, which turned into a lifelong passion! They're where my heart is, and where I always return to, wherever else I explore in my life. Other ships, other fandoms, but I always come home to Snarry. (Cuz they're soulmates.) (No, you cannot convince me otherwise.)

Dean Winchester/Castiel

Destiel!! Ahh!! Wow what a throwback even typing the name is. Listen, Wincest does not scare me, okay? I read Flowers in the Attic when I was like 8 okay? And while I've read the odd Wincest...it just didn't do it for me. I'm not a big Sam Girl, really. But I am a Dean Girl. And when Cass came onto the scene?? I fell HARD for that angel, let me tell you! And is as natural for a gal who played with Barbies, I saw my two faves and wanted to smush their mouths together.

Plus...c'mon. The human (Hunter) and the angel???? How fun! Also: the potential for internalized homophobia?? I've read many a Destiel fic with that and my golly do I eat that up like candy. Also: a Destiel series introduced me to the concept of "demisexuality" which led me on a years'-long journey to learning about the asexuality spectrum and learning more about myself! (The Writing on the Wall, it's called, for those curious.)

Steve Rogers/Tony Stark

STONY! SUPERHUSBANDS! OH WOWEE. The first ship besides Snarry I ever wrote!

For starters, we're back on my "smushing my faves' faces together" bs. Cuz my Top 3 Marvel heroes are: Captain America, Iron Man, and Spiderman. Judge me all you want, the heart wants what the heart wants. And my heart wants Steve and Tony to make sweet love and adopt Peter Parker.

Also: our handsome boy scout + the rebellious playboy?? Weird family connections with Steve having known Howard Stark. Also: another potential for internalized homophobia! (It feels really wrong to be so excited about that potential, but listen....I grew up in the Bible belt. Let me deal.) Steve being the man in charge and Mr. Goody-Goody, and Tony forever wanting to butt heads and rub off the Golden Boy's golden shine. Glorious. Much potential for angst and challenging dysfunctional dynamics which I am super here for.

Izuku Midoriya/Katsuki Bakugou

BAKUDEKU. My sweet cinnamon roll and our angry boi. Such fun! Midoriya is such a sweetheart. Bakugou screams a lot. Clearly a match made in heaven. Lots of name calling (looking at you Bakugou) and emotional constipation (again: Bakugou.) Strong brave bois being very heroic and sexy. Also:....I love them both. And want them to kiss.

They're also the ship where even when I'm not actively seeking them out, if a Bakudeku art or story looks interesting: I'm clicking! I'm really behind in MHA. And I've never actively read in the fandom. But if I see it and it looks good, I'M IN. Which is just odd for me, but ah well.

Hannibal Lecter/Will Graham.

Hannigram. Murder Husbands.

...

...Murder Husbands.

......MURDER HUSBANDS.

Need I say more? I thought not.

Tagging: anyone who wants in!

[zmediaoutlet]

Hi! I love your writing and your posts. Your tags make my day.

Saw that you recently posted a pining!cas ficlet. Do you happen to know more fics song the same lines? Jealous pining!cas? Feeling a bit vindictive so looking for some petty things to read.

It's an area of writing that I think is really underserved! I would like to read more in that very specific area but there isn't much, or at least I'm not willing to sieve through all of AO3 to find exactly the right vibe. I mean, I'm not vindictive, lol -- I am secure in my canon joys -- but there's this really narrow slice of wincest-with-pining!Cas that is really interesting to me. I'll actually just crib from a convo I had about this ages ago--

--but agree, I love unrequited destiel/pining!Cas in concept, but finding fic for it is soooo hard. I don't want meanspirited wincest writer shit, and I don't want alas poor Cas :((( shit, and I don't want shipper-on-deck!Sam or weird homophobe Dean or all of the other hundred pitfalls (…that said, 'alas poor Cas' might be kinda reasonable for s13-15. Dean was straight-up mean to him, lol) [...] I guess part of the trouble is the same trouble with finding good gen. You've got to be on board with the emotional incest dynamic with Sam & Dean, even if you're going to keep it on the brotherly side, and understand that that is 50% of why Dean & Cas will never happen (or at least never happen the way Cas might wish it would). ((this aside from any potential sexuality barrier for Dean.)) then you have to be interested in enough in the canon dynamic to write a fic where they specifically don't hook up the number of people willing to write it in just that way is… uh… conservatively I'm gonna say 4

So those four people -- sing out! Tell us where the fics are! Friends who want a similar dynamic, pls rec stuff to us! Me and anon want to read it, it would be so interesting, give us it 🙏

[destiel-wings]

For the fic writers questions post

@beregond35 replying you here. You asked:

23. What’s a trope, AU, or concept you’ve never written, but would like to?

I'm not sure actually. Probably because i don't write by prompts, they're not enough to move me to write per se. Inspiration usually needs to come from within for me, and i may read a prompt related to a trope and that may spark an idea for a story, but it needs to be specific to me (like i found a specific angle to tell it that I'm particularly interested in). What i mean is, i never start by saying "I'd like to write an "enemies to lovers" story, or a "coffee shop AU" and then start brainstorming on how i can make that happen, i just wouldn't care enough. It's always the other way around: i get an idea for a specific scene or concept where the characters maybe hate each other and there's something in it that i can't quite explain that makes me go "oh, yeah, i wanna explore this and tell this story", so then I'll start brainstorming and maybe realize it fits the trope of enemies to lovers or i may add some tropes along the way because they fit perfectly with the plot.

In this sense, I've always written everything i wanted to write (or *I am* writing it currently, in my wip).

To give you a more destiel-specific reply, there are some concepts/fic ideas that I've been willing to write for more than a year, and are just sitting there waiting in my "to be written" list, waiting for their turn to be developed. Like, I've never written AUs, but i got inspiration for one that I'd really love to write where Dean and Cas are in high school. That's a great example of what i said above because i generally don't write AUs and i wouldn't even want to write one (and even less an high school one!) but I kind of want to write this story despite that, because there's something in it that really caught my attention.

Thank you for your question! 💙

[emistiel]

10 questions for writers

tagged by the great and silly @avspol (ﾉ≧∀≦)ﾉ

how many works do you have on ao3? 5 on... this account

what's your total ao3 wordcount? 163,300

what fandoms do you write for? currently only actively working on & publishing an MCU spiderman fic! in the past have written (and not necessarily published) for zelda, spn, james bond, the musketeers, how to train your dragon and others

do you respond to comments? why or why not? yes i reply to all! because i like to acknowledge someone taking the time to say something & sometimes it leads to really lovely exchanges with people ❤️

have you ever had a fic stolen? no thankfully but i think i came close once when several people in my fic writers mutual circle had theirs stolen

have you ever cowritten a fic before? in all but name, yes,,, tho the main one time it was a very stupid chatfic so worked with the format lol. i did also effectively write a whole fic concept start to finish with someone. I'm open to trying properly with someone with a similar style to me maybe? but also uhhh scary xx

what's your all time favourite ship? oh god of all time is impossible surely? in terms of its sheer insanity & long reaching impact though i guess I'd have to say destiel. never gonna be another like it fellas. unmatched media experience

what are your writing strengths? i think i am good at descriptions! i set scenes well particularly by focusing on details. others have complimented me on my characterisation which always makes me blush like a slut like. what

what are your writing weaknesses? oh god being fucking concise I'm ngl sfsgshshvshsf like shut up bitch! hand in hand with that – actually finishing anything 😃🔫 stylistically tho i think my connective material between scenes can be shite and i easily get stuck not knowing how to move forward/link scenes so just have to go with some bs

first fandom you wrote for? properly wrote for was zelda! long long time ago!

i actually don't think im mutuals with any other writers atm LMAO so kinda don't have anyone to tag??? but if anyone is interested, be my guest 😅