#there’s also some stuff on the ‘greats’ and the whole life goddesses spiel over there

[swagglessmoth]

Huh

HUH

[fforsythiaaa]

well folks, it was only a matter of time before I made something out of my “Marlene is always a witch, no matter the AU” headcanon. this is very silly and very much indulging my Tarot nerdiness. <3 you can also read it on AO3 here!

Marlene was really gonna do it: she was going to quit her soul-sucking marketing job, pick up a few bartending shifts as security, and start reading tarot professionally. She had waffled back and forth on this decision for a long time, worried not just about the money, but also about the energy it would take to be tapped into others’ intuition and her own. Dorcas was the most supportive voice in this decision. One lazy morning after making vegan pancakes in their pajamas, she took out a notebook and talked Marlene through a three-month plan to start her tarot business. It was detailed, organized, and ambitious. They hung the plan on the fridge. The first stage was for Marlene to practice all the time, for other people besides all the girls she’d been reading for free since they dormed together in school.

That’s how Marlene found herself at the island in Remus’s kitchen, with a cone of incense lit on a sea shell and a silk scarf laid over the granite, giving him her spiel: “The Tarot shows us images that might awaken the truth that already exists within us. You’re the one with the knowledge, here; you’ll pick the cards, I’m just here to read them.”

Remus nodded silently.

“Don’t look so nervous, Lupin. It’s not satanic unless you’re into that. I’m not going to predict your time of death or something.”

“I didn’t think you would.” He pulled his sleeves down over his hands, looking nervous that Marlene was going to predict his time of death or something.

She guided him through shuffling the cards and picking six from the deck spread in front of them. “I’m going to lay them out here in a cross shape. Let’s start here…” Marlene turned over the middle card and looked up quickly at Remus to gauge his reaction to the image of a person blindfolded and surrounded by huge swords.

“This person on the eight of swords is representing you now. You might feel trapped, like there’s no way you can break out of your current situation. But see how they’re not really tied down to anything? They can wiggle free, if they stop overthinking so much.”

He studied the card, but didn't say anything. This is going to be tough, she thought.

“Now these two are what you want and what you need. What you want is to try and think your way out of this situation, using logic and reasoning. That’s great sometimes, but when we see a figure like the Knight of Swords, we want to make sure we’re not rushing into it, without considering how our emotions play in. And what you need….” She turned over the Star. “What you really need is to consider your dreams, the desires that maybe you don’t want to acknowledge. You’re going to need to tap into your unconscious, instead of relying on your logic-brain.”

Marlene could see that Remus was getting a little squirmy. She thought she’d seen that look on his face before, but couldn’t quite place it.

“The thing that’s holding you back is this card, the four of cups.”

“He looks so ungrateful,” he chimed in, and she smiled, thinking she was finally going to get some participation here.

“Exactly! He has opportunities being presented to him by, like, an enchanted cloud hand, and he’s still not seeing it! Does that resonate with you? Is there maybe a relationship that you’re saying no to?”

“A what?”

“Well, whenever we see cups in the Tarot, that signifies our emotions and our loves - platonic, romantic, familial. Maybe this is something to do with your parents, instead?”

“No, no, I don’t -- I don’t get it. I’m not really sure what that could mean.”

She sat back in the chair, a little deflated. “Here’s the thing that can help you,” she said. “The ace of cups. Your emotional landscape is deep and alive, you just have to find the source. In other words - just feel your fucking feelings, Remus!” He gave an indignant snort, but smiled back at her. “And lastly, what you should do about it - the Fool. Don’t be afraid to start something new.”

Remus was really nice about the whole thing, but insisted that nothing had really resonated with him, and it put a damper on the excitement Marlene had been feeling about her career move. She meant it when she told him that she wasn’t pretending to be psychic. But if her role was to interpret in a way that helped other people, what did it mean that she couldn’t interpret in a way that helped Remus, who she’d known for a decade? She hoped that her reading with Sirius would be better, and looked forward to another chance.

“You’ll pick the cards, and I just read them. I’m not going to predict your time of death or anything,” she started, smiling and waving her hands gently.

“That’s a shame,” Sirius deadpanned.

“Hey! Quit it! If you ask, the Tarot will tell you. Don’t ask for stuff you don’t want to know about.”

“I’m sorry, Madam Marlene.”

“Don’t call me that!”

“Okay. Okay! I’ll behave.” He winked and held up his hands in defeat. She hadn’t expected quite this much pushback from someone currently wearing black nail polish and an enamel “The Truth Is Out There” pin on his denim jacket.

She walked him through shuffling the deck and picking the cards with his left hand. “We’ll start here, with where you are now. The Wheel of Fortune can feel lucky, but when it’s reversed like this, it’s a reminder that just going with the flow doesn’t always serve us.” Sirius looks up at her and down at the card again, so she prompts, “Do you feel like you’re just…. letting life happen to you, instead of making your life happen?”

“Sometimes,” he shrugs. “I suppose in some areas of my life, more than others.” He doesn’t offer anything else, and she continues.

“Now here’s what you want --”

“A crypt, nice.”

“Sirius, if you keep making death jokes, I swear to goddess--”

“Okay! Okay. I’m sorry, McKinnon, please, tell me about the swords.”

“You want a break from your own brain. Sometimes there’s such a thing as too much thinking; it can keep you from being able to rest, reset, and move forward.”

“Yeah. Yeah, you’re right.”

At last, some recognition. She turned over the next card. “And what you really need -- the two of cups,” she smirks. “You don’t have to bear everything yourself, you can trust someone to share with you.”

“Someone to share, like…?”

“Like share a bed, Sirius. A lov-er. Do I have to spell it out?” Marlene knew she should try to be professional, but he was so easy to tease, sometimes. “Are you even seeing anyone right now, actually?”

“I’m not,” he said quickly. Did she hear his voice crack a little? “What are the other cards?”

“This one is what’s keeping you back. You’ve thought through two choices, two options, but you feel like you can’t make a move in either direction. Maybe this is to keep things the same or change them; you probably feel stuck.” This was sounding a lot like the reading she did for Remus, she thought. “And here’s what can help you - aw, it’s your friends. Rely on your friends to help you break out of this stagnation and not being able to make your choice.”

“Huh. Okay, that makes sense. I was just thinking I should finally talk to James about this the other day -- about. About feeling stuck. This is great, Marlene, thanks.”

“Wait a second, Black, there’s one more. Here’s what you should do about it --” the Fool. “Huh. Remus drew this one, too, in the same placement. It means that you shouldn’t be afraid to start something new.” Marlene looked up from the card, starting to figure it out. Overthinking, check. Stagnation, fear of moving forward, check. The two of cups. The Star. Starting something new. Sirius, and… Remus.

“Marlene, I know that face. You know something. Tell me what you know.”

“I don’t know anything!”

“Come on, you have a direct line to the universe through these cards. Don’t read me all this, tell me Remus pulled the same card, get your Gossip Girl face on, and then tell me you don’t have insider information.”

“I don’t have insider information, darling. I have nothing. I’m a translator, not an author. If you want the plot to go somewhere it isn’t going yet, then you better get writing.”

Okay, she thought, that was a good line; I’m saving that one for later.

At the Prewetts’ birthday party that Saturday, Marlene poured herself a whiskey ginger and beelined for one unsuspecting Lupin. She had a record to set straight.

“Remus, we’re friends, right?”

“Yes.” He was clearly concerned about where this was going. “Why?”

“Just checking. Because if we’re friends, then that means you definitely wouldn’t lie to me. And you definitely wouldn’t have been lying when you told me that nothing in your reading the other day meant anything to you.”

“I --”

“A friend wouldn’t lie to me just because he couldn’t face the fact that he was lying to himself.” Marlene knew she was scaring the poor guy, and she stood up a little straighter knowing that she was getting her message through.

“I suppose the part about feeling my feelings made some sense.” He squinted, uneasy. She let the silence hang between them for a moment.

“I just saw Sirius stepping outside for a cigarette, if you want to go talk to him alone.”

Remus looked at her wide eyed. This is the look of a man who truly believes that I Am A Witch, she thought, and filed the feeling away to draw power from later.

“I think I’ll step outside for a cigarette,” he said, and turned away, pushing through the crowd to get to the door.

“You don’t smoke, Remus darling,” Marlene muttered into her drink.

And if she saw them half an hour later, cheeks flushed and lips red and Remus curiously missing the t-shirt he’d been wearing under his button down, who is she to take responsibility? They picked the cards, after all, and Marlene just read them.