#there you go!!!!!!!!!!! heres why!!!!! you shit on everything thats kept me going while living with YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[channiesdelululand]

Game Night

NSFW Lee Minho x Reader 2,951k words

Warnings: 18+, Minors DNI, unprotected sex, oral, cursing, overstimulation, competing screams with you best friend in another room (idk i this is a warning but just dont want anyone uncomfy)

Imagine hating your best friend's boyfriend's best friend... Or do you?

Best to pick your Chan bias friend!

______________________________________________________________

“YOU LIKE WHO?!” 

Your best friend about drops the wine glass in her hand as you both are cleaning up in the kitchen after another successful game night. A pretty common occurrence at the Bahng residence. The two of you catching up on the week while Chris and his best friend in the other room talking about their next record release. You looked forward to this all week every week. The ONLY thing that could make it better is if the man you hated wasn’t Chris’s best friend and roomate. 

“Jesus Christ bsf/n, lower you voice! Chris and Min are literally in the living room…” 

“Sorry, sorry! But like babe I thought you hated Minho? Just yesterday you said you hoped he walked into a vat of gasoline and then tripped on a match.”

“I can’t stand him! But he just, everything! It’s infuriating why does he need to be so god damn sexy with everything?”

“Why do you even hate him again?”

Bsf/n asked as you started to walk out of the kitchen to go grab your phone you left on the coffee table.

You cant even remember honestly when it all started. Maybe it was the cocky way he carried himself? Always so cold to everyone not really even giving anyone an opportunity to see a different side of him. But it wasn’t just you, he hated you too. Always acting like a school boy pulling at the things he knew would get to you. But after today, you were just confused. The looks he kept throwing your way. You caught him staring multiple times. His eyes following every little thing you would did, every slight move you would make. Which lead you to the conversation confessing that you may have breathed in every moment of him staring a little too much. That maybe, just maybe you wanted more.

Getting so caught up in your thoughts you didn’t have time to react to the tall figure colliding into, drenching you both in leftover punch. 

“Fuck Minho, Im so sorry!” You waited a few seconds to be called a dumb ass or some rude remark, but it never came. He set down the punch bowl he had been holding down on the table you left your phone at. And within seconds had your wrist in his hand leading you to his room. 

“Come on you can change into one of my shirts.” Thats all you heard before the door opened and you found yourself where you had never been before. But here you were back pressed up against the door, Minho inches from your face with an expression you just couldn’t read.

“The shirt Min?” Trying to break what ever tension was happening.

“Oh I’ll get to that, don’t worry. But first tell my how much I infuriate you. Go ahead kitten, if you can talk shit about me to bsf/n you can do it to my face.” Leaning with one hand above your head and the free hand brushing the little bit of hair falling in front of your face softly behind your ear.   

“I….”

Before you could even form a sentence his lips were already crashing into yours, pressing your whole body further against the door. Your hands holding his face in an instant pulling him closer into the kiss, if  that was even possible. It was painfully obvious as your tongues danced together the craving you both had for each other had reached its breaking point. 

“Can I?” Minho gestures to your button down blouse. You quickly nod in approval. As he starts to unbutton half way down he pauses and takes in every inch of what’s in front of him. Making a mental picture of the way the black lace popping out from your bra perfectly accents the curves of your breast.  

“Minnnnnn” You very impatiently whine out as he takes his time lightly peppering your collarbone with kisses, trailing his way done as he finishes taking off your shirt completely. 

“Oh y/n, kitten relax youll get what you want but im about to take my time with you. Tell you what though I'll share a little of what i have planned. After im done getting my hands and lips on every inch of this gorgeous body, im going to have you on your knees so I can see if those pretty lips are good for more then just talking shit, and then im going to fuck you into tomorrow. Sound like a plan?”

Before you could even think of a response you felt his hands quickly lifting you up under your thighs wrapping your legs around his torso pressing you up against him, feeling how painfully hard you had already made him. With you safely in his arms, your hands behind his head pulling him into kiss after passionate kiss he made his way with you over to his nicely made bed. 

Slowly setting you down on your back, lips never leaving your body but instead trailing down your neck right in the creek  that made you fold as he gave little bites, blowing on each fresh red mark he created. Little squeaks and whimpers leaving your mouth was like some kind of overwhelming drug to Minho. Like a song he wanted on repeat in his ears forever. Trailing down your body further licking, biting, marking every free spot available. But he needed to hear more. He needed to know just want kind of noises he could pull from you.  Finding your waist band he began toying with the elastic while looking up at you with the deepest brown eyes. You couldnt tell what exactly you were seeing as part of him was filled with such a dark lust that washed over his appearance but somehow he also was looking at you so softly something youve never seen him do. 

“You know ive really wanted this for so long y/n but I never thought i had the chance. I want to make this body of yours mine.”

“Please, need you Min.”

“You need what sweet girl? Come on use your words.” His hand still running along the areas of your waist, using the top of his hand to softly brush up against you feeling just how wet you already were through your thin leggings. Your hips moving and wiggling slightly trying to feel more. His face so close you could swear the pressure of even his breath was about to set you off. 

“I need you, I need you to touch me” the most pathetic sounds starting to pour from your mouth as you start to beg this man you thought you hated to finally fuck you. 

“Please fuck me, do what you want to me, i need to feel you in me minnie please.”

“What a good girl finally being honest with me for once. Lucky for you im a man of my word.”

With that he pulled down your leggings to reveal matching panties to your bra. You hear a harsh hiss come through Mins teeth. 

“Fuck you wear these fuck for me?” Minho was really taking in everything just like he said because with every step he took you in like a painting. Memorizing every detail to its fullest before continuing. 

“You are so fucking perfect y/n” taking his hands and harshly grabbing your thighs, he truly thought every part of you deserved attention. While his hands massaged up and down your thighs his head was situated in perfect view giving your inner thighs the same licking, biting, kisses he was to the rest of your body. Kissing so close to where you needed him most causing you to cry out for more. With a a smirk and a slight evil giggle he flicked the side of your black lace to the side very eager to get a taste of you. With the first swipe of his tongue he looked up at you with a low moan.

“My god you taste incredible kitten.”

Pulling your panties fully off he went back down licking and sucking every part of you, holding your hips down while you squirmed. 

“Now sweet girl you were making such pretty noises earlier why are you covering your mouth now?” He noticed once he inserted 2 fingers while continuing to give your clit the full attention of his mouth. 

“bsf/n and Chris are outside I dont want them to hear”

“Oh but kitten i want them to hear, i want them to hear exactly what we are doing in here. I want you to scream so loud the whole city knows who owns you tonight”

“Fuck yes please” you more confidently moan out. 

“There we go, thats my girl. Plus i guarantee they are playing the same game so why dont we play a little game back, called whos louder. Its only fair since it is still game night. Now baby grind on my face i can feel how close you are lets win the first round”

Obeying his orders you tighten your grip in his hair and grind against his perfectly sculpted face. Everything was so overwhelmingly pleasurable, the pace of his fingers, the way they were curling repeatedly i to the perfect spot, him sucking and licking perfectly. It was all going straight to your head making you dizzy. You could feel your high coming and listening to him loudly enjoying himself was exactly what you need to push you over the edge. 

With a scream of his name, your legs tightening around him, your body broke through your high. But that didnt stop Minhos pace. 

“Min, its too much, i cant. Please” 

You couldnt tell what you were feeling but you felt like your body was about to snap. He didnt respond to your pleas with any words just a low growl between breathes. You felt a new high climbing but a different high. Something yould never before this and as your cried out his name for the second time in less then a minute you felt everything below you became soaked. 

“God, fuck that was so perfect kitten.” Minho raising his dripping face up with the most shit eating grin. He threw in a few licks to cause your body to twitch at the over sensitivity. 

“I dont know what just happened but im so sor..”

You were immediately cut off with him on top of you mouth back on yours.

“Sorry? Oh god for what?  That was so fucking sexy i need that from you over and over again. I want to taste you  like that every night. Fuck i need you even more. Did it feel good?” He was looking so deeply in your eyes.

“It felt incredible, ive never felt that good. Can i have more please. I want to feel you in me. Need to feel you in me now.” You beg as he removes his shirt still hovering over you giving your hands free roam all over his body. Every part of him is so stunningly perfect. How have you had the strength to go on this long not getting to touch every inch of him. 

Using your nails a little to graze over his skin, watching goosebumps appear along his strong arms currently one on either side of your body holding himself up. Watching your movements, the look in your eyes silently begging for more.  You reach down to begin unbuttoning his pants and he helps you by removing them fully letting himself bounce up against his lower stomach. Your hand reaching immediately to grab him, smearing his precum over the beautiful caramel tip.  A little groan falling from his lips. And a shiver through his body finally feeling your touch. He had thought about it for so long, after a long day late at night. Alone in room with his thoughts. Thoughts about you, touching him, playing with him, how your mouth would feel around him, how good yould feel taking all of him thrust after thrust. Knowing this was finally happening was enough to make this once stern strong man to melt into a puddle. He was quickly taken out of his thoughts as you pushed him forward and switching him to the bed so you could bend down in front of him. 

Now on your knees you take a moment to look up at the god like man in front of you. Perfectly chiseled body, and holding him so beautifully in your hand�� it was enough to bring out a few pathetic whimpers from you. You were waiting to hear some type of overly cocky bullshit come from his lips but all that you heard were small moans as you rubbed your hand up and down slowly. It was a dangerously gorgeous sight. 

Taking your tongue in replacement of my hand going up along the middle, bottom to glorious tip top. Taking in the feeling of every vein before circling around his tip and back down again. Stopping every few cms to give small kisses. 

Starting to see impatience grow on the man groaning before you, you decide to give in and fully take him into your mouth swirling your tongue around and sucking when needed. He felt so fucking good as he slid towards the back of your throat, starting to buck his hips needing fuck your throat deeper. 

“God fuck 자기야” groaning in between words louder and louder as he takes a fist full of your hair pushing your head as far as yould go. 

“You are so fucking pretty like this. So fucking perfect. My perfect toy.” Drool dripping everywhere, running down your chin as let out the most pathetic noises. This was a vision of heaven for Min. 

In between the sounds your mouth was making and Mins delicious moaning you could hear your friends in the other room playing the exact same game. The echoing of it all was making you dizzy. You need this man deep inside you now. 

“Please Min, please fuck me”

Looking up at him with begging eyes, pleading for him to finally take you. 

“Sweet girl i thought yould never ask.” His strong arms picking you up from the floor bringing you back to laying on the bed, him hovering over you. Something so animalistic about the look in his eyes while he brought his face closer to your so he could kiss you. More passionately then youve ever been kissed, his hands exploring every inch of you. Wanted to simply devour you in every way he can. While kissing and sucking at your neck he was perfect aligned to rub himself up and down your folds. Teasing you, causing you to gasp everytime he was close enough to enter. Little hip movements trying to get him inside you. 

“My impatient little bunny” he let out a giggle as he slowly sank into you. With a slow pace back and forth, kissing at your face, and leaning into your ear.

“You are truly so beautiful. Absolutely made for me. I need you.”

You giggled as his statement.

“You feel so good, you have me right now”

“No, no y/n i need YOU. I need all of you. I need this every night. I need to wake up to you every morning. I need YOU.”

Wrapping your legs tighter around his waist, pulling him deeper inside he rushed his pace.

“You can have me, i want you. Please take me and make me yours Minho.”

Nails digging into his back as he abused the perfect spot. You felt your body close to snapping at the incredible rush of feeling. 

Loudly sputtering out syllables of his name. 

“Yes come on tell me whos making you feel this good, scream for me.” 

Your moans were pathetic loud but so were your friends. It was like a match between you and bfs/n to see whose man was making the other feel better. It was clear both men had the same idea on how tonights game night was going to go. 

“I told you they would play too”

“Fuck Min, i cant take it please”

“Cant take what pretty girl? Come on tell me what you want. Tell our friends what you want. Go on scream for me.”

“Please i want to cum, i want to cum for you.” Moaning in a way you dont think youve ever moaned for anyone. Feeling your mind slip away into a state of pure bliss. 

“Yes!” The only word coming out of your mouth over and over and over again. Holding on as long as you could because it felt so good. 

“Go ahead 자기야 i want you to make another mess” 

Min wanted it to continue but with as good as you felt clenching around  him he knew he needed to let go with you right then. 

As wave after wave rushed over you Minho grabbed your hand in his as he let his orgasm go with yours both bodys twitching while the most beautiful melody of moans from the both of you came together.  

He stayed hovered above you for a bit his head in the crock of your neck. You could feel the smile on his face. Bringing his face up to yours giving him a gentle kiss on the nose.

“That was perfect Minho”

“No you're perfect y/n.” 

The gentle kisses continuing into something more passionate. You could feel Min on your thigh harding all over again. 

“It doesnt sound like bsf/n and Chris are quite done. And by the feel of it I dont think your done either I might have a little left in me.” Letting out an innocent giggle. 

“Fuck it ill go all night with you.” 

[spikedhe4rt]

Word Count: 957

A/N: This was a request so I hope you enjoy. I haven't written fluff in a while so im sorry if it's rough. My request box is always open and I love you guys <3

✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。

"Move asshole" I groaned as Steve sat next to me on the couch. He rolled his eyes, remaining in my space. "You're being such a B-" A loud voice came roaring from the kitchen, almost causing a echo through out the Curtis house. " Language, Steve!" Darry. I laughed at Steve getting called out by Darry. My laugh was hard to miss causing Darry to tell me to shut up too.

Ive known the gang for a long time, especially with Dallas being my brother. Most people think that he must have such a soft spot for me but truth is he's still him. Annoying as shit just in big brother form. Me and Steve never got along. He always acted weird towards me for no reason and I just return the favor.

I stuck my middle finger up to Steve and kicked him off the couch, causing a loud thud. "What the hell was that?" Soda exclaimed from the hallway. "I kicked the cow off the couch" I exclaimed with a laugh. Two-bit who was sitting on the floor with a beer busted out laughing with me. Steve pulled himself off the floor, mumbling something as he walked over to Soda.

It seemed like we could never go day without arguing or a fight. We even fight at the Dx while working: "Thats not how you're supposed to restock those." Steve said from behind me. I shrugged acting like I didn't feel his breath on my neck from how close he was. "Seems right to me. Leave me be, Randle." I continued to restock the candy till I felt Steve grab my hand and spin me around.

"You're still doing it wrong" his voice got lower, as he had me again the wall. I rolled my eyes. Men are so sensitive... "Really? All this over restocking candy? Get a grip, Steven" I spit my words like they were poison. "Screw you, Winston" I laughed at his words as he let go and walked away.

We kept our distance for the most part but it tends to get hard when the whole gang wants to hang out together. And when we run into each-other randomly. Sometimes I don't even get the point of why we're arguing we just do.

One thing is that we both know when something too far, subjects that are off limits. Its almost as if that we are protective of each other's feelings in a way.

Dallas and Soda live for the drama but sometimes even they get fed up. Once, me and him were arguing about whether Steves tattoo is dumb or not. It is. Dallas came over smacked the back of our heads and said "Do you guy ever shut the hell up?" then walked out. I was absolutely flabbergasted at that.

Even tho were "enemies" as Steve calls it, Ive wondered what it would be like if we weren't. If he hadn't acted like a asshole all the time, I wouldn't be one too.

                                ⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

It was my shift at the Dx. Today was Sodas off day so I was left with Steve. He was nagging at everything I was doing. "You're doing it wrong" , "Shut the hell up, Randle" , "Ive worked here longer than you", and "And yet, I'm still better at my job than you'll ever be" were being thrown across the room. After I said my last words, I walked into the back to get away from him. God, he is insufferable!

After about five minutes, I heard the storage room open. I rolled my eyes for the 5th time this  shift because I knew who it was. "Can you do your job" Steve said to me. I flipped him off and got up, stepping in front of him. "Can you stop running your mouth, asshole?" I pushed him lightly. He looked unamused as I pushed him again.

He rolled his eyes at me before grabbing my wrist and backing me up into the same wall as last time. Unbelievable...I scoffed at him "How many times are you gonna push me against this wall before you actually do something? You're a pussy." He scanned my face, examining my reaction.

We stared at each other for a couple seconds, like we were unable to speak. Once we made, eye contact it was over, his lips desperately attaching to mine. My arms came around his shoulders making him pull into me more. I felt myself being lifted lightly off the ground as Steves hands went down to my waist, signaling for me to wrap my legs around him.

Our kiss was fierce and filled with pure ecstasy, making our feelings that were always hate into love. Or thats what we thought at first but they were always love, it just felt like it needed to be hate because it couldn't be expressed well enough yet. It feels better to be on right side of it now.

We pulled away breathless, my teeth lightly catching lip bottom left before it truly ended. My head fell down to his chest, laughing as I realized what we had just done. When I looked back up, I was met with his smirking face. "I hate you so much, Randle." I joked.

Steve pulled me into another kiss, his hand coming to my face to deepen it. " Y'know, Ive liked you since we were kids. I just didn't know how to express it. I want to apologize for the past few years. Let me take you out, to make up for it?" He said looking down ashamed. 

I smiled at his words. "I forgive you, I guess. Now kiss me." For once, we actually had a good conversation.

[b0oker18]

Some thoughts on Claudia Grays ‘The X files: Perihelion’

**Spoilers ahead**

First off I need to say that I am a certified, card carrying disliker of The X Files Revival, so some of my thoughts on this book may have some negative bias. Canon for me either ends at season 8 or IWTB (depending on the day lol) so I'm just here for the ride and I'm not going to take anything in this novel or in future novels too seriously!

Secondly, I am not a writer. Some of my thoughts may be incoherent and I apologize for that up front, but I feel the need to write down my thoughts so they do not constantly overwhelm my brain….

Hope you enjoy!! 

Likes: 

Claudia Gray overall does a good job with writing Mulder and Scully, you can tell she loved these characters as much as we do. It was easy for me to hear their voices in my head while reading.

I thought the novel flowed quite nicely. Oftentimes it went from a chapter mostly about the casefile, then to MSR, then to a chapter about the new villain (Brighteyes or Robin Vane), etc. It kept me wanting more, mostly for the MSR but a little for the casefile as well.

I really liked some of the MSR in this novel. Gray did the absolute best job she could do given the shit show she inherited from CC. I tip my cap to her!

My favorite MSR scene in particular was at the end of the book in chapter 39. To keep it brief Mulder and scully talk about WIlliam as THEIR SON once again, and how even though he may not be theirs via natural conception, he is still THEIR SON…. See CC it really isn't that hard is it? The Convo is played as Scully apologizing to Mulder for not wanting to talk about William, but in reality it's an apology to Mulder AND herself for her treatment of William. I mean this is a convo that they should have had years ago, but better late than never I suppose…. I’ll say again Cladia Grey was giving a bag of shit but she made some decent stew out of it.

I actually liked Robin Vane as a “Baddie” although I don't think he is a bad guy. He's morally gray and I will get to take in some of my predictions.

I kinda liked how CSM came back. It's different and unexpected, but I’d rather we no longer hear from him ever again.

Dislikes:

X men plot line, I hate it…. I don't really have anything else to say on this.

Scully's electrical powers. Thats gonna be a no for me dawg

The inheritors, their evil plot for world domination makes no sense. I mean do they even want world domination? I found it all so confusing… So they know that this alien virus is making people into literal X Men yet their plan is, “Hey, they are just going to bend to our will and… make us money or something”... maybe I'm missing something, but this plot felt intentionally vague in order to set up future novels. We will see I guess. 

I really hated the “explanation” for Scully's pregnancy. Why does everything need to be Spooky Science ™ …. I guess I wanted this pregnancy to be Mulder and Scully's proof of a higher power, something that can not be explained by science. That to me is FAR more interesting than spooky science ™ ….

I don't want this to sound like a nitpick but I guess it kinda is. I don't like Mulder and Scully living in a townhouse. I like the unremarkable house, it suits them way better. Oh well…

Why for the love of God are they sleeping in separate beds, they do everything a couple is supposed to do yet they can't share a bed? I mean I guess this was done to create a little bit of tension to keep the reader turning the pages, and it worked on me but still, I think at this point we should drop the relationship drama and move on to something else.

Some predictions:

Mulder and Scully will form an uneasy alliance with Robin Vane and Cherish Craddock. This will drive a bit of a wedge between Mulder and Scully, but like everything they will see it through.

The X Men plot line will be resolved at the end of the next novel.

Mulder and Scully's child will be named Rebecca. I don't remember where I read this but apparently Cludia Gray used to write XF fanfic and she wrote a piece in which Mulder and Scullys child was named Rebecca (Pretty name btw.. I like it.)

The child will NOT have supernatural powers (Im probably wrong on this one)

William AND Gibson will show up at some point and help save the day. William will become, at least in part, part of Mulder and Scullys lives. 

Skinner will play a pivotal role in the next novel, but he will die at some point… When the stakes are this high someones gotta die. Sorry Skin man… 

Final Thoughts:

I've read a few reviews on various websites about this novel and to be honest they are done much better than what I have written down, but I felt compelled to write down my unedited thoughts so I can move on with my life XD.

Overall, I came in expecting I would stop reading a few chapters in but I didn't! I read the whole thing in about 5 sittings. Claudia Gray did the best she could with what she had and I have to give her props! I think this novel is pretty fun! A solid 7/10…  Like I said in the beginning, I don't see this or any other future novel as “canon” so I'm just here for the ride, and I think it's going to be an interesting one!

[azumasoroshi]

guess who just watched summertime rendering (it's really good)

guys what the FUCK

(spoilery-review stuff will be below the cut but tldr: summertime rendering is really good, subverted a lot of my expectations, gorgeous animation, keeps you on your toes and has smart characters and good writing, just try not to cringe too hard at some of the haha boobs/haha panties jokes i swear there's not too many)

okay funny story. i got interested in this anime literally yesterday because one of my favorite channels was analyzing its ending song by chance

and i was like oh it's like anohana but a murder mystery? interesting premise. doesn't necessarily guarantee that it's good, the animation looks pretty at least, but it's 25 episodes and my attention span kinda sucks...

and i see the main girl in a swimsuit and im like alright. the second there's a really weird zoom on her chest im out

(my live thought process pictured below)

and the first shot or so was of the swimsuit girl (ushio) without any weird zooms so i was like okay hey we're in the clear so far

AND THEN

one minute ten seconds. dawg. that actually has to be a record of some sort

and i was 🤏this close to dropping the anime but i really wanted to see the dark horrifying stuff so i continued anyway

like. maybe that's a one off joke. maybe they wont do it again and that was just to get weirdos to be like AYYY and keep watching. maybe there is hope

there was no hope.

but i hung on anyway because right after that was the OP and it looked really interesting mostly because there were no anime visuals at all until the very end

which was. shinpei being a little bit silly. little but quirky. vibing persona 3 style baby baby baby baby baby baby baby

so yeah i decided to keep watching until the end of the first episode despite my apprehension because i just. wanted to see the dark shit go down. uaghhhhhh

and i kept watching EVEN THROUGH the clear insinuation that the mc's adopted sister was in love with him and that the mc was in love with his other adopted sister and the police officer was looking at porn in public and then FINALLY

FINALLY

(major + ending spoilers start here)

they killed my favorite character.

and then they killed the younger sister and then they killed the MAIN CHARACTER AND I WAS LIKE DAWGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

like i was expecting it to be dark but i didnt expect them all to straight up die on screen with blood splatters n everything :sob: wasnt expecting the time loop either

like. you gon have this gorgeous animation just to make the characters' deaths that much more brutal. holy fuck

i realized the other anime this reminded me of. this anime is a anohana x kagerou project crossover. thats fuckin crazy i kinda dig it

people also compare it to re:zero which is fair cuz it has the time travel, the unexpected brutality, the short haired girl who gets rejected in favor of the long haired girl (lmao) i just like kagerou project more

it somehow didnt connect the first time that it wasn't mio and i was like huh i wonder why they suddenly skipped time

and then when this scene rolled around for the second time i literally like. it hit me so fast and i was like FUCK. i was like genuinely terrified help

and then she started stabbing the ever loving shit out of totsumura and i was like oh okay! guess i dont have to wait in suspense for what she'll do at the very least

and then she stabbed shinpei in the throat and i was like OH OKAY

that scene also terrified me cuz like the phone call happening while the killer is nearby is a classic horror trope but like. i dont watch horror usually. that's my worst nightmare

it was on his third death that shinpei really started to shine for me as a protagonist because like. he's smart. notably so! it was really nice because the classic horror starts to fade away at this point and everything becomes a giant chess match

fair enough though cuz bro was like "LMAO NAH I REFUSE TO DIE AGAIN THAT SHIT PAINFUL AS FUCK" (and then repeatedly died a bunch more anyways)

it's interesting that his whole "take a step back" thing is like. a trauma response too. we love dissociation representation lmfao

shinpei was also really quick to adapt to everything and it took a LOT of shit going down to make him finally lose his composure, but he gets back in it and doesnt waste time and it was really refreshing because yknow anime (and the horror genre in general) with its overdramatic clueless protagonists

and also!!

i immediately pegged sou as the loud dumbass yosuke/ryuji type (i love them and their depth, im talking about surface level) best friend who wingmans for shinpei and immediately gets sus of shinpei and gets killed first n shit

but that was my bad like damn sou was a really good character

to be fair this was his first introduction

and the line "I should tell Sou everything" with a shot of the sky is REALLY FUCKING OMINOUS, so i feel like that was a bit of a bait and switch on the author's part lmfao

i stopped taking screenshots around this point so ill just talk about a bunch of parts that stood out to me pff

HIZURU MINAKATA MY BELOVEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

she's so autistic and so smart and so just. god. i love her

AND RYUUNOSUKE IS BABYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

i literally wanted to cry seeing him in the ending like dawggggggg he's SO cute id marry him no questions asked

he and hizuru were my favorites along with nezu because badass old man SLAYS

i also surprisingly really liked ushio lmao i thought she'd be like the usual manic pixie dream girl and then just based on her being in a swimsuit but like. she was honestly a joy as a character lmfao

like. her being the biggest powerhouse next to hizuru? did not see that coming, we love a girlboss!! and she's also smart and forward-thinking despite the airheaded vibes so like damn. good character! i really liked what little we got to see of the real ushio interacting with her shadow too, it was a nice bit of character building + it was funny lmao

mio was the only character other than shide that i just straight up did not like lmfaosgkjhsjg the whole "im in love with my stepbrother" was just. fuckin. weird to me from the start and you have no idea how fucking relieved i was that shinpei didn't accept her confession or get with her at the end

of course it's like. not any better that he got with his other stepsister. but like mio was more annoying so it's fine (😭)

she ended up being a damsel in distress who didnt really do anything up until the school fight where she still didnt do much, and with how much ushio emphasized "protect mio" you'd think she' have some sort of plot relevance but nope she just. thought about her brother a lot and confessed after 20 episodes and got rejected and cried

it's like all the buildup to her confession was PURELY to buildup for the ACTUAL confession which was shinpei telling her that he was in love with ushio

which is lame

like jesus her shadow had more plot relevance than her. i literally liked her shadow more than her like ????????

tokiko was a good character though i liked the "i didnt dirty my hands for this" foreshadowing and also her being a lesbian was an unexpected surprise that i liked lmfao she's a fuckin real one for still encouraging mio to be with shinpei despite being madly in love with mio. what the hell was that "i want her to see all of me" line like girl????

shide was a good smart villain, he kinda started getting cheesy typical anime villain by the end but by that point the anime was pretty firmly in the action/strategy genre and relying a lot less on the horror/mystery part so it was alright

i did love the talk he and shinpei had about video games and the FF7 namedrop was hilarious lmfao

it was cool how they had the callback to him being a video game nerd during the first fireworks festival with that 2d 3d king thing

absolutely despise him for what he did to hiruko though like. ew.

i didnt really get why hiruko deadass reverted into this weird lookin baby thing at the end but like haise was cute i liked her

didnt understand how they literally changed history either but i guess the magic eyes are like "fuck time lmao all my homies hate time" so oh well, i guess it works

the ending was really a full on "everybody lives and is happy" type deal but like. i didnt even mind man i was literally ecstatic seeing hizuru's boobs again like holy shit. you know you're watching a weird ass anime when you start crying at the fucking fanservice scenes like ohhhh my god

and like goddammit they deserve happiness

although. i was a bit pissed that they brought ushio back to life. like yeah she deserved to be brought back and yeah i do love her but rip the themes of grief and regret i guess

the show was never really about grief so i get why she was brought back but like ueeeuueueuueuee the whole "i don't want to do anything i'll regret again (including leaving ushio before we had the chance to say goodbye) so i have to keep moving forward" was really good character stuff and hrekjajsghjhsg i guess it paid off at the end???

whatever ill take getting hizuru and ryuunosuke back no matter the narrative costs

anyway yeah really good anime, definitely exceeded my expectations (which were pretty low to be fair though), i did watch all 25 episodes within 24 hours so i might be a little insane

[namjoonscoffeeshop]

Dear Namjoon | 05

✧ Pairing: Kim namjoon x reader ✧ warning(s): explicit language, suggestive content, mature content ✧ genre: angst,fluff,smut,slow burn ✧ synopsis; You're sent to live with your father and older brother. only that your older brother is in a band called BTS. you meet jimin's friends and automatically get tangled with one of his band members. you're relationship has to be kept a secret but for how long can you keep it that way?

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once you woke up, you found that not just your lips were swollen due to how much namjoon sucked on them but your eyes were puffy due to you crying.

you go wash up, and come out with at towel wrapped around your body. you kept looking at the marks that decorated your skin in the mirror. and you felt dumb because deep inside you want him to touch you and kiss you. maybe friends with benefits is fine.

picking an outfit good enough to cover the marks , you then begin to pick up the clothes from the floor. only to find that he left his tie in your room. picking it up you get angry again and toss it into your closet inside your suitcase before shutting it

"asshole"

jimin and dad came home earlier, since jimin rushed him. not liking the idea of you being alone a whole night.

he walks into your room, you were laying in bed. "hey sis" he jumps on the bed hugging you

"hey mochi"

"did namjoon leave after dropping you off?" he lays his head on your lap, your fingers begin to brush his hair

"yeah, he said he had plans"

"nice, i owe him one for bringing you home" he closes his eyes and relaxes as you comb his hair

"i think he took it really serious when you said i was off limit"

"he better"

you chuckle at his words "why you bring it up?, don't tell me you like him" he asks

"no" you answer quickly

"i was just wondering why you said that" you bite your lip, hoping he'd tell you, he sighs

"he a fuck boy, he uses girls for his own pleasure and later on leaves them. i just don't want him to pull that shit on you. i saw how he looked at you"

"everyone was looking at me"

"nope, his eyes were undressing you"

"your so extra" you laugh

his arms wrap around your waist "let me sleep here, you don't know how much i've missed you" he pouts

"ok" he rolls over and gets under the blanket, you turn off the light, he hugs you.

"goodnight"

"night"

jimin fell asleep first that night, for the first time in a while i stayed up all night thinking about everything that happened today.

-----

when jimin woke up he looked at you for a while, at some point he hated his parents for separating the two of you. and thats why he tried so hard to keep a good relationship so he wouldn't become a stranger to you.

but right now it was time for revenge, for what you did to him. he snickered at how you always looked angry as you slept, and thought it would be funnier to just take a photo of you. grabbing his phone he opens the group chat with the other guys

BANGTAN CHAT - Jimin POV

y/n kicked me out of the bed yesterday

tae: that's the most random shit you have ever said

you don't understand it hurt like a bitch, but i can't do that to her. so i got other plans

hobi: and why are you telling us this

namjoon: cause he has no other friends

fuck you, and its cause of this

jimin sits up and takes a photo of you sleeping, sending it to the group chat

i might not be able to kick her off the bed but this is good enough for revenge. now i'ma wake this kid up so see y'all at school.

tae: did he just send us a photo of his sister sleeping

jungkook: she's gonna kill you, you know that right?

yoongi: someone show her the photo and if she kills him, no one help him. he deserves it

----

what jimin didn't know is that he just gave namjoon a photo of y/n. namjoon smiles at the photo

"shit maybe if it's her...it wouldn't be so bad" he saves the photo

i woke up to jimin sticking his finger into my ear and it was wet

"what the fuck, why is your finger wet" i clean my ear

"oh cuz i licked it" he laughs, jumping off the bed "get ready for school" he says with a smile ear to ear

once again you went with jimin to school, cause you were too tired to drive. today was weird because the guys just kept looking at you and jimin was acting cocky all morning

"do i look funny today or what" you were getting irritated at their stares, especially namjoon's

hoseok then walks up to you and jimin yells his name "hey you wouldn't" jimin points at him, and hoseok takes his phone out showing you the group chat. taehyung is holding back his laugh at the view of a very stressed out jimin. who is slowly getting off the desk.

you grab the phone and read the conversation until you scroll and see your photo. you look up at jimin with dagger eyes "you asshole!" you hand hoseok his phone back, as you walk to jimin, who's hiding behind taehyung

"you kicked me off the fucking bed" he yells

"bitch you stuck you nasty finger in my ear" taehyung is being pushed around. as you try to get a hold of jimin

your face was beet red at the thought they all saw the photo, but what made you blush even harder was that namjoon saw the photo. only making you wanna strangle your brother even more.

he pushes taehyung towards you as he runs for the door, you turn, trying to grab him but trip over your bag you had carelessly tossed on the floor.

namjoon quickly gets up and his arm wraps around your waist as he catches you. you tense up at his touch, but you stand straight and look at him. before you pick up your bag, sticking your middle finger at jimin. you leave the rooftop. leaving everyone but namjoon confused.

"shit, is she that mad?" jimin asks concerned

taehyung being his own curious self he was more into why there was a awkward tension between the two you.

----

once it was lunch time, jimin said he had to go to a class for some help. and said to go make friends instead.

i was planning to just go to the rooftop before i got a message from namjoon. telling me to meet him in the same class from yesterday. hesitant at first. i decided i should go and hear what he has to say.

you walk the same hall as yesterday. making sure no one was looking at you as you enter the last classroom. you find namjoon sitting on the desk just like yesterday

"hey" he smiles

"what do you want?" he raises his brow at my tone.

"come here" he motions you to come closer to him. and you do, you stand in front of him. his hands reach for your waist pulling you towards him, as he leans on the desk. "i'm sorry alright"

you look away from him, with your arms crossed

"look i'm not really good at relationships. but if it's you it's worth giving a try" he gives your waist a little squeeze "what do you think?"

"i don't know you said i should listen to my brother more, and well my brother said your a fuck boy" you stare at him, trying to hurt him with your words like he hurt you but it didn't work

he just chuckles at your words "didn't i just say i'm not good at relationships, plus there were more reasons to why those relationships failed. but i don't gotta tell your brother everything" you just stared at him, angrily.

"come on babe don't be mad" he pouts

"don't call me babe" you frown

"why"

"because we aren't dating"

"but you like it when i call you babe or actually" he presses your body against his "or how you body reacts when i tell you your a good girl" he whispers by your ear making you tense up

putting your hands on his chest, you put distance between you both "you are saying everything except what you should be saying"

"oh yeah?, and what's that?" he tilts his head, making you more frustrated

"i'm just kidding, geez" he laughs

"wanna be my girlfriend"he presses his forehead against yours

"i don't know, let me think about it" you peck his lips, as you push him away. ready to walk away but he holds onto you tighter "i don't think so" he grabs your chin as he kisses your roughly

changing positions he sits you down on the desk, your arms wrapped around his neck. his hands propping himself up on the desk . enjoying the kiss, he smirks against your lips.

"you aren't gonna answer"

"hmm answer what"

he sighs "i gotta repeat myself?" you just stare at him in silence

"go out with me"

"alright" he smiles and leans in to kiss you but you pull on his hair making him groan

"make me cry again and i will tell my brother"

"did i make you cry" he pulls your hand away from his hair, giving it a kiss.

you don't respond at all

"sorry alright" he kisses you again and again. making you melt at his touch.

"you know it's gotta be a secret right" he presses his forehead against yours, "hmmm, does it?" he smirks

"yes! i'm serious namjoon"

"i like people knowing what's mine though"

"it's my brother, i don't think you need to be territorial with him"

"he said you were off limits, i promise i won't ever say it. i just hope you don't make us get caught" his dumb brushes against your bottom lip.

" we can meet here every time. no one uses this room" he smiles

"how do you know? fucked one of your other bitches here?" you bite his finger, making him grin

"don't be a jealous girlfriend, you gotta trust me. and you're not one of my bitches, so no i wouldn't take you to does places" "Plus I wouldn't be fucking you, I'lol be making love to you "

"it's just you from now on"

------

after making out for a while longer, he says you guys should go already. and you followed him to the court yard where he read his book. and you scrolled through your phone

" i heard you guys will be getting fan mail"

"yeah, they said something about that" his eyes don't leave his book

"y/n, thats where you were" jimin enters the court yard

"i thought i told you to make friends, not to go hang out with namjoon"

"ouch, for your information i found your lonely sister sitting here alone. no need to thank me for giving her company" he shrugs, giving you a wink without jimin noticing

"you're a lost cause y/n" he sighs, sitting next to you. "namjoon you ready for later?" jimin says excited

"yeah sure why not" he response was rather dry, he didn't look interested

"don't mind him, when he's reading he doesn't pay attention to anyone" jimin sighs

"you wanna come along?" he looks at you

"yeah, i'll go" jimin nods.

you guys stay there until the bell rang.

-----

after getting to the club, you realize a bunch of kids from school were also there. jimin explained that were was some sort of concert. they left you alone once more as they went to go get ready for this performance.

jin sits next you, giving you a glass of orange juice. "how did you like our performance the other day" he asks

"i think your guys are awesome, what jimin would tell me over the phone doesn't give justice to how hard you guys work" you take a sip of the juice.

"thanks" he smiles, satisfied with your answer

your phone rings, and you take it out to find a message of namjoon, telling you to go through red doors near the bathroom.

"uh ima go to the bathroom" you put the cup on the table, jin smiles at you as you walk away. going through the crowd

you walk pass the bathroom, seeing a lot of red doors everywhere. taking out your phone your about to call namjoon, but someone grabs your arm and pulls you into one of the room making your scream.

they cover your mouth with their hand and you hit their chest

"it's me, calm down"

"namjoon!" you whack him again "what are you doing" he laughs

"i wasn't sure if anyone was out there, sorry" he gives you a hug

"i wanted to see you before we went up, jimin said he's taking you home after"

"oh.." you look around, seeing a lot of instruments everywhere, your eyes stopping at the violin

"you play?" he walks up to the violin, handing it to you

"a long time ago, i don't think i can even play a child song at this point" you chuckle

"who knows"

"lets hang out tomorrow?"

"when??" you place the violin where namjoon had picked it up from

"after school, the guys are all planning to hang out, jimin will be there. i'll tell them i got some plans, you just tell jimin that he should spend some time without you" his eyes crinkled as he laughed

"ok, but i think my dad is gonna be home tomorrow so.."

"don't worry you can come to my place" nodding, you guys hear the announcements, and you hear an angry jimin calling out namjoon to get his ass to the stage

namjoon quickly puts his hand behind your neck, as he leans in for a kiss "i need to recharge" he mumbles, he takes your bottom lip into his mouth and sucks lightly.

"fuck, i gotta go but. tomorrow alright!" he points at you as he walks out the door

waiting for a bit, you hear the music start. taking it as your cue you walk out and head to where the stage is.

you see multiple people in suits, they have clipboards and are looking up to them, two guys catch your attention. their heads bopped to the music. looking at the clip board you catch a glimpse to the name 'Bighit Entertainment'

-----

once they got off stage, many people went up to them with business cards. namjoons steps up and takes all of them as the other guys head to the back. jimin signals you to head to the back as well. you walk slowly as you also keep your attention at namjoon who was talking to all the men in suits

"y/n hurry" jimin calls out to you

"he's getting a lot of cards" you tell jimin

"i know, isn't it exciting" jimin smiles making his eyes disappears as he smiles, you nod. happy to see him so bright

"let me change and we can head home"

namjoon was good at not glancing at you or talking to you that it made you sort of uncomfortable. cause all you wanted to do was look and talk to him. instead you talk to jungkook seeing how his eyes twinkled as he told you about the song they were singing.

"your very passionate huh" my mouth curved into a smile, his happiness being contagious.

he nods "i just wanna be good enough, so i can go with them" and he looks up to the guys, your eyes follow where he was looking. "i think your great?"

"yeah but what if i'm not good enough"

"thats bullshit on a stick, if they don't want you then you go to another one. anyways they won't leave you behind" your brows knitted

"yeah, your right. that's why i'm afraid to be the one to hold them back" his eyes gleamed with sadness and you did the one thing you could think of

i karate chopped the back of his neck

"y/n what the fuck? that hurt" he gets up, massaging his neck.

"thats for thinking the way you are, you can't be negative about things." everyone was looking at you guys since jungkook raised his voice

"fuck but did you have to hit me" jungkook whines, only to get pinched by jimin "don't talk to my little sister like that"

"she's not wrong, if they want one of us they gotta take all of us"

-----

the next day you drove to school, instead of going with jimin. since you were gonna head to namjoon's place after school.

and just as planned you made sure to tell your dad you were gonna hang out with some friends, yes you hadn't made new friends. but you knew some people from before you moved.

and just like namjoon said, jimin asked if you wanted to go with him. but you told him to hang out with his friends without you. ever since you came to live here he takes you everywhere with him.

you told him you were gonna hang out with old friends and he didn't suspect you at all. namjoon texted you his address, and you head over to his place.

ringing the door bell, a smiling face greets you as he opens the door

"your here" he reaches his hand out, you grab it and he pulls you inside. your back is leaning against him as he takes off your jacket. only to hang it up.

"what did jimin say"

"nothing, he was fine with it" he nods, walking into the living room. he sits down.

he was wearing his glasses again, and you loved how he looked with them "do you use your glasses to just read?" you ask as you see the book on the table

"yeah"

you sit down next to him, a little distance between the both of you

"are you hungry? we can order something" he asks, taking out his phone. right now you weren't thinking about food, for the first time ever you were feeling horny over namjoon. you wanted him to touch you.

you glance at his lips "uh sure, what do you wanna get"

scrolling through his phone he isn't aware of your stares

"namjoon"

"yeah?" he answers without looking at you

I felt flustered at the thought that he suddenly didn't wanna have sex. i thought he invited me over for that reason.

you felt like he was trying to respect you but right now you didn't want him to respect you. gathering your courage, you grab his phone. putting it down. he looks up at you, as you get up and straddle him, placing his hands on your waist

"do you really wanna order food right now" he's shocked at your sudden acts but doesn't let it phase him

"well, i don't know...do you have something else in mind"

"i want you to touch me.."

"yeah?" he smirks

pushing him to lean back agains the couch you leave kisses on his neck, he doesn't react to your touch making you irritated. you begin to suck on his skin just like he did to you. his hands already groping your ass, as he rolls your hips against him.you feel at how he right away started hardening.

"you sure you want this"

"yes" you were greedy for his touch already. he presses your ass against his hardened length, making you bury your face at the crook of his neck. trying to hide your beet red face.

as he kissed you he kept tilting his face to try and kiss you but his glasses were getting in the way. frustrated he pulls away, taking off his glasses. tossing them tot he other side of the sofa. "they were getting in the way" you giggle

your body started moving on it's own at this point, this man makes you loose all your common sense.

"good girl, keep grinding on me" his voice sounds raspy, you fasten your pace, and he finally had enough.

he picks you up, tossing you over his shoulder as he walks upstairs to his room. locking the door behind him.

laying you on the bed, he pulls his shirt over his head, you feel a lump in your throat as you feel the butterflies in your stomach again.

it's gonna happen for real this time.

he wastes no time to undress you, he stares at your body. especially all the marks he left on your body "it was dark yesterday in your room i didn't get a good look at you, but now i can see you properly"

"don't say that" you cover your face

"why not?" he kisses your stomach, as you squeeze your thighs together

"cause it's embarrassing" smirking at your words, he grabs your thighs. spreading them "i didn't mark here" he begins to kiss you inner thighs, sucking on the skin.

"wa-wait not there" you whimper as he nibbles on your skin.

my mind is empty, i can't think straight.

you feel him blow at your heat, making you moan "na-namjoon not there" his grip on your thighs tighten, not letting you close your legs

your core is aching for him. he's making you feel a way you've never felt before. "your dripping" his fingers rubbing against your clit

"your sure you want this? once i start, i won't be able to stop myself" uncovering your face you see his fingers in his mouth again, as he licks his fingers off.

you nod

"use your words"

"yes namjoon, just fuck me already please" you stare at him as he undresses completely, reaching into his drawer to get a string of condoms out. he rips one open, pumping himself a few times before putting the condom on

"alright, i'll be gentle" he positions himself between your legs, your feel the tip of his cock rubbing against your clit smearing the wetness at your entrance

"look at me" he says with his raspy voice. his hand is on your waist holding you in place, you feel the tip of his cock enter you and you whimper at the sudden stretch

"hold on babe, it'll feel better soon" he grunts, laying his head on your shoulder. trying to control himself from fucking you senseless. the rest of him sinks into you slowly, making you moan as your walls stretch around him. "fuck your so fucking tight" he groans, brows pinched together. his mouth agape. your pull him into a kiss, and he moans.

a completely new feeling appears inside your stomach, your walls clench around this thick length. you feel a sense of pleasure and the knot releases making you moan

"fuck" namjoon looks at you "did you just cum from me just entering you" his forehead has drops of sweat

"cum?" you whimper, your mind completely gone

"fuck you're so innocent" sitting up he grabs your hips lifting them up, he grabs a pillow placing it underneath your hips

"i can't control myself no more" you look at his abs, your eyes look down and you see him inside you. making you wonder how he even fit. your walls clench around him even more as you think about it.

"fuck do you want my cock that badly" he pulls out enough to just leave his tip inside you, just to thrust into you, your whole body shivering with pleasure

he increases his pace and your a mess under neath him. unconsciously you spread your legs even more. making him smirk

"its sexy that you're spreading your legs for me, do you want it deeper" he grunts, as he thrusts into you once more "don't worry i'll hit all your good spots"

you thug your nails in his back, as he fastens his pace. "y/n you feel so fucking good" the pleasure was immense, every time he touched you his body screamed with pleasure, everything about you made him delirious. like every other time he had sex was meant to be with you.

you feel the feeling in your stomach again "namjoon i-"

"cum for me babe" his lips meet yours as he kisses you eagerly, after a few more thrust you cum for a second time, i cry out as he continues to pounce into me, reaching his own orgasm. his thrust get sloppy, he growls at the last few thrust before he releases into the condom. letting out little breaths as he tries to calm down

he brings his lips to yours kissing you roughly, his hand makes his way to your clit, entering two of his digits into you. you whine at the overstimulation

"wait namjoon" you whimper

"what" he growls

"i can't anymore" you grip his shoulders. he takes his fingers out of you, sitting up. you see his cock hardened again.

he takes off the used condom, tying it up he tosses it to he bin next to the bed

"babe i didn't take out just one" he picks up the string of condoms, a smug look appears on his face

"i'm tired"

"please" he kisses your inner thighs

"one more time" you stare at his dick, seeing how it twitches and it makes you feel good that you could make him hard so quickly

"fine one more time"

"get on all fours"

"what?"

"just be a good girl and listen" he slaps your thigh, you get up. getting on all fours as he lifts your ass up more.

"fuck your so fucking beautiful" you blush at his compliments

opening another condom he puts it on, wasting no time he thrusts into you. his grip on your waist tightens as he thrusts into you again.

"where the fuck have you been all my life" his heart tightens every time he rolls his hips into you

you whimper at his words, your hands griping onto the bed sheets

"namjoon" you moan his name

"yes" he grunts

"harder" you say weakly

"what ever you want" and he does exactly as you asked pulling out, he thrust harder into you making you gasp for air.

"fuck this feels so good" you manage to say, eyes shut close as the pleasure rushes through your entire body

namjoon focuses at how he disappears inside you, he bites his bottom lip. fastening his pace

"wa-wait i feel like i'm gonna pee" you whine

"just do it" namjoon groans

"wh-what"

"don't worry baby just squirt" not being able to argue with him, you feel yourself cumming again

not long after namjoon shoots into the condom again, he pulls out and you fall flat on the bed once he lets your waist go

"fuck..i can't get enough of you" he kisses your back, sucking on the skin

"namjoon i can't no more" you whine

"once more please" he continues to suck on your skin

you look at the string of condoms seeing there are three more left

"i really can't move"

"don't worry you won't have to get up"

"fine"

changing his condom once more he lays behind you, spooning you "alright" he lifts your thigh giving him space so he can slip inside of you, hands cupping your breast. as his other hand rubs your clit

"n-namjoon" you moan, he continues to thrust into you, bitting onto your shoulder making you whimper. "fuck i wanna know how it feels to fuck you raw" he moans

and the idea of him inside of you without any barrier made your walls clench around him

"shit, does that idea excite you" you couldn't last long this time, cumming shortly after. he followed you too

"y/n.." he groans

"no namjoon, i won't be able to walk" you lay on your back, hand on your stomach, as you still feel as if he was inside you. looking at namjoon he's covering his face with his forearm. you look down and see his dick, hard and up against his stomach

"what the hell are you" you laugh

your phone rings, making you reach for your skirt that was on the floor, you see it's jimin's number

[kusundei]

i cant i feel sick. sick sick sick im fucking sick and idk what to do i feel sooo sosoo dramatic. plus im not even like ALONE i cant do anything his mom is right in front of me this is mortifying??? i just like cant stop shaking and i feel heavy. like i feel the weight of my body and its making me evil. i just cant stop thinking about it and in trying to rationalize. im okay its okay he’ll come back??? i left too. i knew he was going to go. i knew staying wt his house for as long as i did was goinf to kill me once i went back. i knew i knew i knew. i know and yet its still as bad as it is despite how much ive thought about it. i thought ifnoring it would save me or acknowledging it and prepping dor it would but nope. not saving me. making it worse.

Its just everythint thats happened these past few weeks keep replaying in my head and its like jesus chrisr. what the fuck im never getting this back? the time i spejt wirh him these past few weeks r probabky somethijg i will not experience again. at least not for a long time and not to this extent. being with him for that long keeps reminding me of how much i cant like? function? without him? its weird like of course i can function. but i shut down as a person. im not. happy. i dont think. its just it really occurred to me last night and i still feel awful i didnt finish his hw. if i have time i’ll do it and ask him dor his like login and turn it in for him but no i sat there for a while and just. it was tfb. i know it was they make ne EVIL i just kept remembering oh hes leaving. in a few hours. i did not want to sleep. couldnt. but i couldnt be evil either because i cant do that to him??? its so hypocriticalcbut its just like no he was already crying earlier i cant worry him like that. im nonchalant…… though i know he knew its just like. im okay enough. i know i couldve cried last night. not saying i didnt i did jusr a little. held myself in front of the fan cause i was forcing myself to be cold to stay awake and then just. idk. prevented me from crying i think? its just i laid with him and i kept thinking. oh this is the last time ill lay with him like rhis for q while. to sleep here w him. kiss him and just be in the same space and be simple and go out late at night and talk about random shit and not get wnything done and just be. to exist. it makes me sick. why cant i keep playing house forever? but no fuck that i dojt want to PLAY house i want to live it. i think truly these past few weeks may have made me selfish. at my core i know how i am and he says it all the time but you give me an inch ill take a mile ? or something along those lines its nust like . i cant? ive been shown something. given an opportunity. a life for a short amt of time incwhich i finally felt okay consistently? without feeling condemned? sick? evil? not saying it wouldnt happen every once in a while. of course it did i just sorta pushed it away because im taking in all the time i spent w gim and basking in that instead. i just keep thinkijg of how i mustve taken it for granted and not appreciated it enough maybe.

i know ill get back home and feel it again. it’ll hit me in full swing because ik myself. ill sit in my room and reqlise just where i am. how my life is and i cant escape the life ive been given. my circumstances and my life and everything i know i cant escape that. i cant escape my mom at least not for a long time and rhats the thing that weighs me down the most. im just tryijg to truly fight the feeling till i get home ? i wont tweak fully till i do. i know i will though. ive been fighting the same (ish) tweak for the past few weeks. i knew and i know. where i want to be still seems a thousand miles away ^_^ and pretendijg we feel safe right here gets harder everyday …. Heh. heheh. heh. i cant

[ankhisms]

ok i didnt take a lot of screenshots while i watched but i did write down some thoughts as i was watching so heres episode 41-44 thoughts

ep 41

really fucked up that ZECT has a like gas bomb that makes worms lose their mimic abilities and then they go in and kill them like honestly in that scene it seemed like the worms were like hiyori and rich boy and reina like just living normal lives not harming anyone. frankly im on the worms side here that was fucked up

tendou really climbed an entire mountain just to be dramatic on the top because of course he did

theres a new goth guy in town with a trench coat that hes got the hood pulled up on so you know he means evil business

"what does it mean that i am the top of zects son" kagami how have you gone this long without knowing that your dad is the boss of zect. like i know youre estranged. but you work for zect.

aw rich boy is so worried about his besties being hurt

kagami has admitted that it was a lavender marriage

tosses glitter and falls over, dead

KAGAMI HAS BEEN TACKLED AND HANDCUFFED FOR TRYING TO SEE HIS DAD. I HATE HIS DAD..kagami we need to kill your dad

renge voice how did you get an entire huge bed with a canopy over it inside our tiny ass cafe. did you really have to sleep here. tendou voice who cares. have breakfast. dont question anything that happens anymore

POURING SUGAR ALL OVER THE TOFU WHATRE YOU DOING

"the end is close" ok thats not ominous at all. normal things your dad says to you

"father why was i born" kagami..... kagami my friend kagami )): i havent seen anything about the end of kabuto but i do genuinely have a bad gut feeling about how everything might end for kagami like im concerned about him

the hoppers looking at rich boy and going god i wish someone would call me young master and spoil me and rich boy going hahaha so true. who the fuck are you guys again is so funny. and then theynjust start fighting for no reason like ok yeah sure

"please dont hold a grudge against my son" "i dont hold any grudges against kagami" dont worry mr zect president tendou is holding something else entirely against your son. as in hes holding him in his arms and um

"im not doing this for zect im doing it for someone i trust" aw kagami. i still think its a bad fucking plan

OK SURE HE WAS A WORM THE WHOLE TIME. SURE. WHY NOT.

"i wont trust anyone anymore" GOD. KAGAMI. IM VERY WORRIED ABOUT HIM LIKE WOW. HIS LIFE SUCKS CURRENTLY

THEYRE PUNCHING KAGAMI REALLY FAST HASNT HE GONE THRU ENOUGH

i get kagami might be a bit shocked that the guy hes been working with at zect and really trusted is a worm but like. i dont understand him having such a violent and like disgusted angry response to him like kagami knows that hiyori is a worm and knows that tsurugi is a worm and he has no issues with them?? and like his team mate guy was trying to protect him and help him and rushed over to see if he was ok and tried to help him up so its just kind of like. kagami i get you might be shocked but this is still the same guy youve always known and respected and trusted its just like. cmon now

ep 42

"time only flows for me" ok sure! whatever the fuck! i just am accepting every single thing that happens now because like yeah why not. this might as well happen enough bizarre unexplainable shit has happened already we might as well through something else in

watching a hostage tape ransom message on a projector

ok the zect counsel is like hooded mysterious figures. makes sense

TOFU DUEL......... TWO!!!!!!!!

i can not believe i forgot about kagami having a brother which was a whole thing in the beginning which was very tragic and sad it feels like the whole direction and feeling of the show has changed so much since then

baseball with feelings

"i kept seeing my sister in her" UM. DONT SAY THAT

i love kagami pushing open his jacket and touching the gattack belt in the same kind of movement an old wild west cowboy would do to reach for his gun holster in a shootout its very fun

misaki why did you say yes to going out with him suddenly. misaki please

it feels meaningful to me that tadokoro comes to save kagami and fight the other worm in his human form.... and then him reaching out to help kagami up and kagami taking his hand vs how kagami reacted when he first found out. cries

you may be able to stop time but consider this: im the fucking sun

not gorou chan is so mad about not being able to launch a missile attack. typical government behavior

TENDOU DITCHED THEIR TOFU DUEL

uh oh the other tendou is here

ep 43

other tendou skips into the cafe and is like lalalaaa im going to kill tendou. okay byeeeeeeee and skips out

"hiyori doesnt want to see you any more" DONT SAY THAAAAT HES HER BIG BROTHERRRRR

i do enjoy tendou two as a character so far hes fun

"how did you come here from the edge of time and space" "lol not telling you"

help this really is like this universe isnt big enough for two tendous

tendou two, while beating tendou up: whyre you hitting yourself stop hitting yourself

why must we fight the goth evil worm guy why cant we kiss him

cant visit your boyfriend in the emergency care ward of the hospital unless you look hot

the evil goth worm guy being able to copy any attack he gets hit with is a fun twist

IM NOT MISAKINU. IM MISAKI. YOU TELL HIM GO

"when my mimic defeats me" tendou. dont fucking say that. but also it makes sense. hes the kind of big brother who would sacrifice himself to save his little sisters. but like tendou. tendou your sisters need you alive. kagami needs you alive

"keep it all a secret from kagami" STOP!+!!!!!!! NO. YOU KNOW THIS IS GOING TO BREAK HIS HEART YOU KNOW HE WOILD DO ANYTHING TO STOP YOU FROM SACRIFICING YOURSELF

crying and sobbing about tendou teaching jyuka to cook. he loves both his little sisters so much but also he misses hiyori and cooking with hiyori was their sibling bonding activity

aw tendou two loves hiyori in his own way and doesnt want hiyori to be sad ):

the scene with tendou saying i have to die to save hiyori and kagami trembling and yelling AND I HAVE TO WATCH AND DO NOTHING WHILE YOU DIE?? they were in love there

yknow what i cant even blame hiyori for saying shes not returning to the world ever again. its her choice she should be allowed to make that choice. but also. sad

ep 44

i kind of wonder if hiyori was written out of the show because her actress was needing to do something else but i could always be wrong it just is kind of what the whole deal felt like

NOT MY RICH BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO!!!!!

did not at all expect kageyama to stop his hopper-isms and put on a suit and be THA BEE again but im proud of him

oh he fucking got his ass kicked. well he tried

LETS GO HOME.... WAAAAAA... I LOVE YOU SIBLINGS...

i do feel bad for tendou two like it kind of seems like his entire existence was made to revolve around pretending to be tendou to keep hiyori there or whatever but also they had him fucking chained up and locked away tortured and now hes all alone. that sucks so bad for that guy

oop kageyama took off his suit hes back on the path of hell

OK TENDOU TWO IS GOING CRAZY. OK. DID HE JUST FUVKING KILL HIYORI. HOLY SHIT

[webslingingslasher]

hey its the anon with the 'friend issue'

im just here to vent honestly

(for this part i will say i hang with two different groups of people. first is A and the ones from the first ask from class, second is my neighbours)

so A's birthday is next month, a day after term ends. i have another friend (C) (neigbour) whose brithday is on christmas eve, so she's celebrating before and we're going on a trip. i kept telling A i probably wont be here for their birthday, and they would get upset. yesterday i got the confirmation date for C's trip, we're leaving a day before A's birthday. to be completely honest, i'm a bit glad. i feel like i'll enjoy this a lot more.

i knew A would be upset and that the friend group i hang out with in uni (we're five) had been thinking about doing a sleepover. i called A and told them we would do a sleepover at my place as her pre-birthday. i figured i could kill two birds with one stone. A said yes happily and that was that. ngl i felt pleased with myself

this week we all picked days and colours to all wear. today was green and i chose it but i forgot and wore something else. A kept going on about how i forgot and how it was such a weird colour, normal people dont have green clothes, she only had that one thing, etc. driving that point home. i told her a have a lot of green (i have a lot of many colours, its clothes ffs) to which they said very condescendingly 'thats because you're weird' BRO ITS JUST GREEN. then they kept going on about how its like yellow, people that wear yellow make it their whole personality and only wear that shit. they dont know people like that, again, normal people dont wear those colours, blah blah blah

does this person live in a fishbowl?

and its not even the statement its just their attitude. everything they know is right, if its not its rare and weird and nothing can ever go against what they say and they perceive. they even act this way in class discussions.

it reminded me of how i told them we'd have a sleepover fot their birthday and they were so exited. they always repeat this: 'you know whats the worse part? i still care for them' (talking about me) and its like, if you mean it then why do you always talk to me this way? i've made it very clear i dont enjoy it. i dont go out of my way to give them the same energy, and they dont give the same energy to others around us.

i hope the sleepover goes well, others will be there and i do like the rest. next week selection for next semester starts and they've been going on about choosing classes in the morning which i dont mind. i wont take any 8AMs unless its the only class that opens, i also have atleast one confirmed class without them so thats a plus ✨

everyday i make an effort and everyday i'm proven why i should pullback

anyway i hope you enjoyed this rant/update

idk why but as someone who's job is literally colors- people always think of green as one shade and i have no idea why. "green is ugly and no one has clothes that are green" and i bet rn most people reading this are thinking of that bright ass green that the hoes loved in 2011.

but no. green is also sage, olive, and hunter green. those are all very different w different undertones!!!!! anyways- the fishbowl line made me laugh.

sleepover is a great idea!!! you're able to appease one group while having the safety of the other! i enjoyed the update, it sounds like you're making an irish exit from the group and i love it.

[wozorb]

I fucked up today. Like actually. I left work to find my car not where I left it. I walked around aimlessly for a few minutes, praying to god that I had only forgotten where I parked.

Its incredible how kind people are in moments if stress. When I told my manager I got towed she looked up exactly what I needed to do. And my coworker drove me to the ticket office and then the tow yard. And they were so sweet and kind and encouraging.

The thing is I knew I was going to get towed. I kept imagining that scene in abbott elementary where the main character doesnt want to pay her deadbeat boyfriends ticket anymore and she gets towed and she cries and I kept worrying and procrastinating on paying my tickets.

I knew you would be mad. Stressed. Disappointed. Thats why I didnt bring up the ticket I got, or the one after, or after (paid parking at work is a scam especially when you have to wait between sessions to pay again). Money was tight and you were so unhappy and it isn't that I think you are fragile. It's that I am too fragile. I can't handle thr weight of your displeasure. When I make a mistake, so often your response is so large. And you text me these consequences, like, well now we can't do this, or, we have to do xyz to fix this you know, and its salt in the wound.

I just need a little grace. I need you to say, I am stressed out and I am upset but I love you and it's ok. I need a hug. But I get your back and your silence.

But how can I be brave when all my human imperfections are met with anger and not love?

Like that other night, when your first words when I came in the door were "these pets are driving me crazy". I said I would make dinner and I did. I make the pasta and the chicken. I roasted the vegetables and seasoned it up. I asked you for help at the end, because I didnt want to misinterpret your vision. Thats a sure way to make you cry, but you dont cry really, do you?

Everything was fine except when you went to stir the pot of pasta, (drained of its water but back in its pot) and a layer of penne was stuck to the pot.

I saw the tapestry of our evening start to unravel right there. You looked at me, almost betrayed.

You said that this is why you should just make dinner. Even though, just a few weeks prior, you said I did a really good job with our meal.

If I had just never let you see the pasta then we could have avoided that unhappy evening.

So why wouldn't I try and hide my mistakes from you?

Don't you remember when our roommate brought the plumber out while the dogs were in the backyard? How they went crazy at him and we had to grab them away? How their dog grabbed the plumbers pants? Don't you remember what you said? That you lived in a house of idiots, that we were all so irresponsible, that you didn't know everyone here was idiotic. You hardly spoke to me for 2 days.

Don't you remember when you decided to cancel the interview our friend got you at that cool new shop, after the one you were at was being such shit? I asked you not to, begged you not to cancel. (You brought up the plumber thing from a few days prior, said if you worked 2 jobs you could spend as little time in this house of idiots as possible)

You went but you told me that we would have to cancel our anniversary plans. And that we couldn't go camping in October. That it would essentially be like I didn't have a partner because you would be so busy, but isn't that what I wanted?

(You got the job by the way and quit the shitty one. You are so much happier. You never apologized even when I brought it up, and said it hurt my feelings. I said it made me feel like you thought I was an idiot. You said you don't think I'm an idiot but that I make idiotic decisions. That didn't make me feel better. Especially because you never said sorry.)

I'm not brave enough to face that anger when I could just hide the mistake instead and fix it in darkness and tell a little white lie. It feels safer.

I can't explain it, but your reactions don't feel right.

[pinkadork]

Im fine

Its not like ive been setting myself up what feels like forever to both really and also i guess not at all always be in the cycle im in. The predestined fuck up ig my moms a fuck up

Im a fuck up

I cant stay a job apparently

I’m too scared of every if and but when it comes to trying it to be creative and do things like i used too, nowadays i feel like its tainted because im not even finna be doing it because i like it anymore, but instead just proving i didn’t give up, when i did

I was tired, emotionally drained, put in a position i nor anyone really asked for but guess whose grandparents this belonged to

Im not a fucking mistake or a right person wrong time

I am a nigga thats has been struggling and it was before you sure but everyone in the fuck ass house kept trauma bonding new and old covid didnt fucking help.

How the fuck are we fucking but aint no protection or immediate showers available

How am i toxic for not wanting what felt like more like a: fuck my poor ass boy friends and dementia ridden grandparents( and while its not anyones job to guide me if we in a relationship and you feel some way say some shit some how ) the weirdest ( but unfortunately not worst) living situation ive been in, the deepest most confusing, loving yet infuriating, real yet faux ass relationship ive had with anyone.

Like even now I physically am sick to my stomach about the idea or notion of again my ex, someone who has dumped me like at least twice since July and lowkey high key didnt even count it it was like a secret trial i failed because ofc im not sure of you actually love me mr. I tell the world you beat me but sure we can play minecraft

Fucking the part the gets me the most about this is i know you know how i feel and its just

I feel set up

Like genuinely not just the relationship shit

And im not gonna act like i dont play my role in shit and attribute a lot to the shit that get me and others where we are but jfc im tired

I’m not the brightest bulb but im not a fucking dumbass

And i did more than read the room, i saw the patterns, felt the vibe shifts, and tried so fucking hard.

Its sad whatever im pathetic but i think i knew without saying it (and even saying this it doesnt mean all the people out with then bc some are still here and we cool but fucking) My ex was the realest mf i had in my circle, and which is probably why its hard being like man aint no fucking way we went out like that. Im not for the see you in a few years shit, im not for the go fuck around like i aint give my heart, i was (am) a dumb nigga that went to to college before dropping out after missing all my classes so i could be attached virtually at the hip to them

Its not their fault and for years i didnt feel that at all.

But the second i saw that they felt like they wasted so much on me and this that whatever man my blood got to boiling on some seafood type shi

Its like

You can do evil

They can do evil

And be vindicated and justified in ya own right because in ya head this is just karma and you standing up for ya self and

Then its like i do evil snd immediately fold because i aint mean shi

Nigga got slammed by me 2 or three times

And everytime it was some bs

I let you convince i was being an ass for feeling threatened because " weight and height and muscle” but fucking niggas never care about perspectives

Yeah we are arguing

Yeah im loud, which is infuriating because my usual everyday speaking voice whether it because i subconsciously (now very actively) am aware of how loud i can be, is actually very quiet and i tend to have to repeat myself and even did to my ex because yeah

Fuck im so high man

Its been awhile since i ran out of actual medicine

Like i feel like ive said its been like two weeks for like a month now.

Now i gotta go through new everything, finding insurance, therapy, reassessments, medication changes, so much has happened and yet nothing has, i got fired today, i think, i mean i definitely got the text “Your assignment is finished do not return anymore” but this is the first temp agency really that ive been at , its just like

Like that?

Its kinda how sudden i end up either in or out of someones life, ex, family, friends

Sometimes i feel like ive been so many different me’s and am constantly “coming of age” (metaphorically speaking or in case thats ominous still, like i feel like i do in fact get older but do to circumstance, bad choices, and a lot of fuckening, i very much am learning alot of basic shit i shouldve known, or yes i am just now learning how to not be like donny on the wildthornberrys

I truly was happy and want to die everytime i think about how unhappy i made them

Make them

The wont miss me when i die because im alive and they surely dont is the thing i come back to whether wrong or not it is

Sometimes i cry about things i dont know are true bit definitely feel on my gut or for those in the loop my LN

You can keep my heart in dont want it anymore

I know realistically im bugging and i just feel bad and i need meds and yadayada yada

Im gonna be blunt with ya chief, im blowing my fucking brains out gn

[f0xd13-blog]

I ain't going to reveal why this is the place of OG christianity now but... but!!! I can safelly say that that nobody is goiing to heaven rn ahahha

And to think about the fact we live in this sort of conditions and jews have the best jobs, money,the bst positions all over the world and still say that they are oppressed and american fags believe it...

Remember about that dude that said that it was normal kill palestinians and that portuguese was just poor people (while in my country) condemnwd to work and be poor and supposedly he worked for the european union and said he didn'tcared bout this poor portuguese ppl because he hangs out WITH THE ELITEOF THE WORLD.... thats what he saidnand honestly by his lifestyle i believe it

I still have the screenshotts hope other people kept them also btw

But the thing is i talk with snakes you know.. like salazar did.. so i got him spilling.. i think people even thougt it was fake because it seemed that easy but now i will explain you something.. he was gay.. so althought he considered my spwcies beneath his.. he wanted to suck my dick so i testeid him coz i know i could... now think bout hitler and his weird feelings for salazar or lets say appreciation althought he was everything hitler hated

Salazar was just a v atractive roma boy...

Things are finally starting to make sense right??? Yah... well i had told u this before but you didn't believed it...

What does islamism doesn accept? Partially becauser of the sensibilities i talked about before for most asian boys??? Yah this is because of homossexuais AGAIN

Well it ain't like that isn't a safe space fof people that ain't gay and don wanna be considered gay just for the way they look soo... who is the wrong here? Who is OBLIGATING PEOPLE TO BE A CERTAIN WAY? Oh ya hitler hated himself because he was gay... there was no other reason for that internalizwd homophobia.. he literally did anti charlie chaplin which was charlie chao but make it super alpha male which was is issue about gays btw he wouldn't mind cross dressers or trans becausw AS LONG AS YOU BEHAVE ACCORDING TO YOU GENDER that would be fine for him actually first trans experiências was conducted by hitler btw

So this idea i actually don mind he is still a fag tho and i he is gojng to hell ... but one small detail.. they don think like that anymore duhh

You know you gotta keep up with the times my dudes... your brains are cracking... just like all thay old christian theory jews got

So yah you are just creating homophobic ppl...good luck with hat.. moving on!

There we go thats why people think im mexican or latrashtino to this day... this is what you got for me lol. Yall don deserve shit!

I got so emotional it reminded of that time a rosalia fan asked me if i was rapped when i was a child

Here we go.... listen im just gonna join israel have no chill to be having the sams shit again...

Showing me japanese stuff ahahahaha the ones that helped nazi germany againts us

Got no time fof hiding gypsy identities... work with yours jews they can help u

This one because i never had one or three imagine losing them ahahhaah

Never even notice it... he does have my eyes

I never noticed it becauss ws havs pratically the same face i think it's because of that... too familiar and normal to me i guess

Anyways last post fr like i told u before... this is over... so should i become a dancer/wannab singer a boxer or both?

This doesn't HELP snoop stop tryinh to be dumbledore it ain't gonna happen

Actually that was a joke you he is totally dumblwdore ahahah

Now at least ronaldo fan boyéd the japanese coz now way i was going to fight them this time around... have you see them kicks? Insane

I used to like drake in fa t but that was before robalia i also know he criticized her so we cool... you know i hate robalia.. but like you can have her idc i just don have to excuse shit that never had an apology. Just keep out of my face like you been doing maybe i get to know her one day and get to stab her.... finalmente!

I like people that are real you know my opinion

...and to be completely honest i also know it was madonna's prpduction that became so lazy and bad just for the sole reason of being bad hope it's on purpose tho pela saúde delas

Ooooo maybe that's why it was avant garde. It's supposed to be bad as in nasty product... she took it literal... very avant garde and conceptual

Oh yaaaa have i ever told you that my nickname is actually shade? That's the name i used for the longest time ever and even tho i always really digged eminem's music and wanted to fuck him,it wasn't chosen because of that. I always thought that was interesting because at a certain phase of my life when i had short hair and sometimes discolered ppl thought i was him and made comparences

And daaaaang remember awhile ago everybody was just doing othing or cancellwd for life and only robalia existed??? Damn that seems so long ago but like how did we even get to that point? So weird... and how tf have i uncursed ppl? Like yah it wasn't only me but you know what i mean. So bizarre to think bout it.

Raul showing himself eating sushi on my reels like no shit you are gypsy i knew that before you did you idiot... you thought you was black... dude you are literally named raul... raul!!!

There's always a gypsy named raul it's like our john tbh

Also he has my cousins face that's why i know his lips are bomb to suck dick

I alsp called zendaya"black" for a reason. I atacked everybody that hurt me ok? Jewish guy was there instead of me??? I NEVER SAID THE WORD N SO MANY TIMES IN MY ENTIRE LIFE since like last month.. im on a roll breaking records

[karatekid1]

hi guys it been a while. Well, everything right now feels like its going up and down all the time, like on monday, three days ago, my life felt so good, i was so happy, then everything went downhill again on tuesday. today is thursday and idek how im feeling, i dont got any apeitie, and my life just feel so depressing. i realized yesterday that heartstopper is like a core memory to me, like i havent watched it since season 2 came out bc people started calling it cringe and i actually started to think it were. i was just a kid back then it feels like, because every day i get older and i feel embarressed for my younger self, in like a few months i think that this me whos writing this is gonna be so cringe, why are we like that? or maybe thats just me. but what i mean is that yesterday i listened to some of the soundtrack songs, i just felt warm and happy inside, and it kept doing everytime i listeend to the songs, i stayed up til 3 am last night just rewatching the first season and it made me cry actually idk why but it just brings me so much comfort. anyway, uni going fine ig, some subjects are really terrible, but im surviving. me and benjamin (the nick to my charlie) are still together and idk tbh how hes feeling ab me atp, like im so fucking stupid and annoying i think hes getting tired of it. i feels like im slowly loosing my mind again bc of everything. i hate myself for the way i act towards people. most people i know would call me nice, they do, but then i literally argue with everyone over stupid shit just bc i am sensetive. and i dont know how to deal with myself, i just get so easily mad and jealous of everyone and its starting to spread out more over the people i love which is not meant to happen but i cant control it. how much i try to be nick, will continue to always be charlie. what was i made for? i dont even know myself anymore. people say they're proud of me but i will literally treat them like shit without even realizing it myself. all i really want is to be seen and heard, but i end up embarresing myself, overshare or just make people upset. im just a failure, im not supposed to be here, i dont fit in. i dont know whats right or wrong anymore i just want to live my life, but im literally just miserable. i try so hard everyday, to get people to like me, to make me like myself a little bit more and not hating myself, but when ive done something wrong i cant even realise my mistake until so long after ive done it, and i feel so stupid. i dont deserve to live the life that i do. i dont deserve any of this. i try to be like everyone else, i try to be interesting but if you try too hard no one is gonna like you. and if youre not interesting people wont wanna hang out with you bc youre boring. you should be funny but not mean, you should be perfect but not fake, you shoulld be thin but not starve, you should be smart not a tryhard, you should be yourself but not different, you should be happy but not annoying, you should be kind but not too kind because then people will use you for their own good. i hate humans, i hate what we've made this world into. sorry this became a whole vent post but im just so tired of living without having anything to live FOR.

[fallingfavourites]

im such a little liar omg I said said would start 2 days ago and now i am instead but anyway s3 baby here I go,

wait actualy before I start I have to talk about this first it's probably going to be such am experience going from this and then after reading what happened in between the seasons, now fr here I come s3,

WE ARE SO BACK, oeh omg starting with a flashback always eats!! I NEED MORE LAWYER MOMENTS KF THEM IMMEDIATELY, the teacher is so me while reading this,

kinda offtopic but I know ex is an xreader but she just feels like such an oc to me at this point, i was having fun and you just had to hit me in the face with angst didn't you?,

-Matt tried to get out of the bed but he collapsed to the floor with the first step. It was like his body forgot how to move. His own skeleton failed him and let him crash to the ground and a wound at his side gnawed angrily at the impact. The fluid between his ears was as uneasy as the ocean and nothing around him felt solid. The only thing that kept him in that moment was the cold floor beneath him and the firm hands that tried to haul him up.- your writing is beyond this world once again, OH WE'RE DOING BACK AND FORTHS COOLCOOLCOOL, RECOVERED?? RECOVERED WHAT? MATTS DEATH WHAT WHAT IS IT TELL ME

,-“The.. The way her voice broke when she- When she called out for me… I heard her scream when it all happened.”- nono stfu I hadn't even thought about that😭😭 why did you have to say rhat I can't, BRO THIS MAN NOT TELLING HER IS SELFISH,

the punisher teasing is making me crazy, PHYSICAL REHAB??? BILLY WTF DID YOU??????,

-“Because you liked a guy that you could treat like shit and still expect him to care?”- Karen baby no why would you say that😭😭, -“No, you’re right. Because you two kept so many goddamn secrets nobody really knew either of you, right?” - okay but she kinda ate ex and maty up with that, god I love the way you write Karen sm, everybody loves Foggy and as they should!!,

-“Angry, sarcastic, and stubborn. Maybe you don’t have any friends.” Maggie joked, though Matt didn’t find it funny. - your own mom saying that to you is wild😭😭, Matthew murdock you would love hozier, MARRIAGE MENTIONS COUNTER: 2, -...allowing Matt to sit in his own continuous misery.- best way I've ever seen to describe his life,

wait pause, Matt knows it's ex right?? if so that wild for him to do this like thats actually sick and twisted, also would ex like recognize his fighting style? idkidk, also the way ex is just so casual about this😭, AH DEX, I SHOULD NOT LIKE THEM INTERACTING THIS MUCH😨, SCREAMING OMG,

^^me right now,

RAY RAY RAY YIPPEEE, FISK NAHH my girl just can't catch a fucking break omg, MARC MENTION OMG, Ray is just dragging her into this I love it, -“...It just made me feel worse until it got to a point where I didn’t want to feel anything. I didn’t want to die per say, but I didn’t wanna live like that anymore. So I buried everything and threw myself into a fight that didn’t really involve me, then I got stuck with this.” You shook the wrist with the brace.- HELLO?? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING TO HAPPRN IN THE SPINOFF??

boy o boy this was a long one but jesus was it good omg, phenomenal writing once again, missed reading this soooo much! my meme/reaction pics game sucked this chapter but I hope it's still a good reaction! probably will read chapter 2 tomorrow since it's 3:30am rn but omg I cannmtttt wait !!!!!! love you pookie!

MAD AT GOD - MATT MURDOCK

Season Three - House of Memories

tags: @ironprincessstranger @johnmurphys-sass @dusstory @americaarse @astrobees @mayasaurus--rex @woowwwee // two // Season 2B // masterlist

Pairing: Bullseye X Reader (Casual) , Matt X Reader (Past)

Word Count: 9,558

Summary: Times have changed since Midland Circle, so has Y/N. As she attempts to move forward, relationships are strained and circumstances are less than favorable. Can she cope on her own or will she fall back into old habits?

“Welcome to our final class for the semester!” The professor announced as he paraded into the room. Various hoots and claps came from around you but you simply smiled, glad to have another class checked off your schedule. “As you know, today is the final day for debates. We have only a few to get through so the quicker we go, the quicker we enjoy our winter break. Y/L/N, you’re up first!”

You pushed yourself up and hurried down the lecture hall steps until you reached the front. You stood at the closer podium and scanned the notes that waited for you.

A man attempts to break into a house late at night. The owner, a single woman, owns a retired police dog - a German Shepherd to be specific. He bites the perpetrator but releases and recalls when the noise wakes the woman and she calls him back. You’re supposed to argue the man is at fault. Your opposition will argue that the woman is.

“There’s five people you can choose to argue against, or I can choose for you.” Your professor said as you looked up at the empty podium across from you.

“You can pick.. But don’t make it easy.” You shrugged and glanced up at Matt. You knew he hadn’t gone yet and he was smiling down at you.

“Mr. Murdock!” He called and you grinned. “My two top students should go against each other, don’t you think? C’mon down, my boy!”

Matt laughed slightly and made his way down, cane bouncing off the steps. The professor pulled a different copy of the notes from his bag and placed it at Matt’s podium. You gave him a minute while he ran his fingers over the page and his brows raised in interest.

“Ladies first.” The professor bowed and stepped back.

“Clearly, the man is at fault.” You began easily. “Attempted breaking and entering.”

“Yes, but this dog is trained to attack and by New York law, that makes the owner liable.” Matt countered. “Just compensate for the $2,200 in medical bills and call it a day.”

“Yes, but New York law also states that if the victim is trespassing or provoking the animal, the owner isn’t liable.”

“How do you know he was provoking the animal?”

“Security footage.”

“That wasn’t in the notes.” Matt smiled slightly.

“You’re going to assume a woman who lives alone doesn’t have cameras?” You raised your brows.

“Regardless, the dog is trained to attack. Especially being retired police, there must’ve been training for him to engage in certain situations.”

“Certain hostile situations, you mean.”

“You can’t be sure the man was hostile.”

“Why was he breaking into her house then?”

“Maybe he wasn’t. Maybe he was running, looking for somewhere to hide or someone to help him. The dog misread the body language and attacked, unprovoked.”

“Can I ask you something, Mr. Murdock?”

“Please.” He smiled.

“If I threaten you, are you within your rights to defend yourself?”

“Yes, I am.”

“And if I am threatened, can I defend myself?”

“Yes.”

“With whatever I feel is necessary?”

“Sure.”

“Exactly. The dog felt it’s home and owner were threatened. It reacted accordingly.”

“Sounds a bit like victim blaming, doesn’t it?” He asked with a tilt of his head and you almost laughed.

“Coming from the man blaming an animal.”

“Let me ask you something, Ms. Y/L/N. By going off your last statement, your addressing the animal like it’s a weapon.”

“And if I had a concealed carry permit, do I have to show it to you or announce it before defending myself with said weapon?”

“No. But you are still held responsible if you kill your attacker, even if it’s self-defense.”

“You seem to be sympathizing with the attacker. Tell me, Mr. Murdock. Do you?”

“Are you insinuating I hurt people?” His voice feigned hurt but he nearly laughed in amusement.

“Of course not.” You said honestly. “But I do think you enjoy a bit of power.”

“Do you sympathize with the woman?”

“With a woman, on her own, being attacked by someone who she owes nothing to?” You challenged slightly, putting more of a personal anger into the words than intended. “I think any woman in the room would.”

“Maybe that’s clouding your judgment.”

“Is that an ad hominem I hear? Maybe you’re trying to attack me because you know your argument is weak.”

“I’ll admit that the man shouldn’t have gone breaking into houses. However, the woman should’ve had signage posted that a dog with the training and intent to protect was on the premises.”

“Should she have put a sign on every corner of her fence?” You raised your brows. “Because for all we know, there’s a sign on her front gate.”

“I don’t remember if it’s in the notes so just assume there is.” Your professor agreed, seemingly enthralled in your discussion like his favorite TV show. “You two are doing fantastic. You’ve almost gotten to the deciding factor.”

“With posted signage at the front of her property, she shouldn’t have to post it on the back if there’s no typical entry there.” You continued.

“One sign is easy to overlook.” Matt shrugged.

“Not if you enter the property in the proper way. Therefore, the only way the woman is liable would be if the dog bit the man on the sidewalk, since it’s public property.”

“Can we get a description of what the dog bites look like?” Matt turned to your professor.

“Should be on the second page.” He nodded and you cleared your throat. He looked at you and you gave a small jerk of your head towards Matt. “Of course. You’d think I’d remember.” He mumbled and your class chuckled.

You moved to his podium with your paper in hand and reached for his arm. He gave it to you willingly so you pushed the sleeve of his shirt up and twisted it so you could see the inside of his forearm while dropping your page on top of his.

“Punctures from the top canines here.” You used two fingers pressed against his skin as you looked at the paper. “Bottom here. Bruising along here.” Your fingers trailed along his arm and he shivered slightly. “Another set of punctures here, with a bit of lacerations. Less than an inch maybe.”

“A second set of punctures?” His brows furrowed beneath his glasses and you recognized the tone of his voice. He heard something of interest. “So the dog bit once, let go, and bit again? And shook, if there were lacerations.”

“The lacerations are newer, based on the blood color.” You countered. “They don’t look like a shake. It looks like he was pulling his arm away.”

“How can you tell?”

“Because they go downwards. Typically, shakes just make the initial punctures deeper and a little wider, little messier. If anything the movement would be horizontal.”

“Anything else on the bites?”

“No, but..” You flipped the page over and found another photo, though this one was the dog covered in blood and a copy of a vet bill. “There’s a vet bill.”

You flipped Matt’s notes and found what you assumed was the same thing just in braille. You put his hand against it and read your own.

“The dog had damage to his left eye and socket, a chunk missing from his ear and a bloody line four inches down his side.” You explained the photo. “Was the dog shot?”

Your professor nodded.

“Your guy shot her dog.” You turned back to Matt. “Probably used the butt of the gun to hit its eye.”

“You’re right.” He nodded with a small smile. “The woman’s not at fault.”

“You wanted the $2200 for medical?” You asked and he nodded. “Vet bills were $3700. Pay out the difference and we’ll call it even.”

Matt grinned and shook your hand. Your professor stood and celebrated, causing the class to give polite claps. Foggy gave a loud shout from the back.

———————————————

How he survived, he didn’t know. When he finally washed up after Midland Circle, he felt closer to death than he ever had before. He hardly had strength to breathe, let alone try to get home. Try to get to Y/N.

The thought of her was the only thing that kept him going. She was the only thing that had him even considering healing, considering living after that. He heard her voice in every thought. Her touch seemed to ghost his skin though she was nowhere near.

I can’t lose you, Matty. I just can’t.

I trust you with my life.

I want you with me.

I’ve never felt safer than when I’m with you.

My life isn’t worth yours.

Just don’t let it take you from us, okay?

How could he ever face her again? To stand in front of her, knowing she would break down, and ask her to forgive him for sacrificing his life. And for what? For his own pride? For Elektra? And not even the Elektra they both knew and loved at that, but a hollowed out version driven by her own selfish desires.

“Where…? Where…?” He tried to get out a full question but every word seemed to die as it fell from his lips.

“St. Agnes. The orphanage.” A familiar voice answered but he couldn’t make out anything else. Matt felt like someone had shoved a pound of dry cotton into his ears. And while he appreciated the knowledge of where he was, that wasn’t what he wanted to know.

“How long?”

“Several weeks.”

“Where is she?”

“Who?”

“Y/N.”

“She’s come and gone for the day.” The woman rushed an answer and the words made Matt’s head spin violently as he sat up. Or was that more the residual injuries? “Get back in the bed! You’ll hurt yourself!”

“My right ear… I can’t..”

Matt tried to get out of the bed but he collapsed to the floor with the first step. It was like his body forgot how to move. His own skeleton failed him and let him crash to the ground and a wound at his side gnawed angrily at the impact. The fluid between his ears was as uneasy as the ocean and nothing around him felt solid. The only thing that kept him in that moment was the cold floor beneath him and the firm hands that tried to haul him up.

She’s come and gone for the day.

Why was Y/N at the church? She didn’t believe in any of it. Was she looking for Matt? Did she already know he was alive? If she knew, she would’ve been beside him. He firmly believed that if she knew, she wouldn’t leave his side. She would’ve sat there, day and night, waiting to scream at him for abandoning her or to make sure he actually pulled through. There would’ve been some piece of her left in that room, whether it be the warmth of her skin or the scent of her perfume or the sound of her voice. Something would’ve still been there, unless maybe it was and Matt just couldn’t tell. What a cold loneliness he felt around him when he considered that thought.

To anything outside that small, lonely room in the orphanage, Daredevil - and in turn, for some at least, Matt Murdock - was dead.

————————————

Matt and Foggy were in their dorm room, the afternoon after meeting Y/N.

Saying the girl was electric was an understatement. From the second he heard her say his name, he was a goner. He had known her for mere minutes, hours if you count the night, but he felt something in his chest when she introduced herself. His heart thumped faster when she laughed and time seemed to slow when she touched him.

He started to wonder if that’s what it meant to have a soulmate.

“Are you gonna call her?” Foggy asked that morning.

“We met her last night, Foggy.” Matt reasoned with a nervous chuckle. “I’m not gonna call her.”

“Dude.”

“I’m not!”

“You’re gonna miss this perfect opportunity? Matt, c’mon man! She was gorgeous!”

“I-“

“No, like you don’t get it. She was probably the most beautiful woman to have ever walked this campus. You should’ve seen her.”

“Well I-“

“Don’t!” Foggy cut in so Matt smiled innocently. “Do not make a blind joke right now.”

“If she’s so beautiful, then you call her.” Matt tried, though the suggestion felt like a slap to the face.

“I’m not the one she was making googly eyes at on the walk back last night.”

“How was I supposed to know that?”

“I-“ Foggy began before a loud, exasperated sigh. “Matt! Dude!”

“Foggy!” Matt replied in the same tone. “It’s fine. We’ll probably run into her in class anyway.”

“You’re gonna just wait and hope that you two run into each other again by chance? When she’s probably the most perfect and smart and beautiful and charming and-“

“Sounds like you liked her more than I did.” Matt mumbled and dropped onto his back across his mattress.

“Matt. Matthew. My friend.” Foggy said as he came and sat on his friend’s bed beside him. “I’m telling you this because I love you. Call the girl!”

“I’m not gonna call her!” Matt laughed. “C’mon man. You really think a girl like that - as beautiful as you say she is and can speak that many languages and who knows what else she can do. You think a girl like that is gonna wanna be with me?”

“Buddy, I think she would’ve married you last night if you had asked.”

Matt couldn’t help but laugh.

“Alright, fine.” He sighed dramatically, though he was admittedly giddy. “I’ll call her. Dial her number for me.”

“Do you hear that?” Foggy joked as he found the scrap of her book page that she wrote her number on and dialed on Matt’s phone. “Sounds like wedding bells, my friend. Mr. and Mrs. Y/L/N-Murdock.”

“Y/L/N-Murdock, huh?” Matt laughed as he held the phone to his ear.

“Yeah, you’re right… Murdock-Y/L/N? Nah, I don’t like that either. Maybe just Mr. and Mrs. Y/L/N.”

“It’s about time, Murdock.” Y/N joked on the other end of the call. “And here I thought you forgot about me.”

————————————

“Matthew.” Father Lantom announced his arrival one day and Matt was drawn out of the same spiral of thoughts that haunted him. The same circulation of memories that plagued him.

“Father, I didn’t know you were there.” Matt answered honestly, though the feeling in his right ear was as nagging as ever. “Sister Maggie said something before… About Y/N.”

“Oh.. Yes.” He nodded and Matt noticed his hesitation. It was as if he was thinking of how to tell Matt whatever he knew. “She’s been coming around a bit more often lately.”

“Does she know?”

“No… No, I haven’t been able to bring myself to tell her.”

“Why does she come then?”

“You know, it’s the strangest thing. She’s only come inside once.. Said the building doesn’t smell like cinnamon anymore, whatever that means.”

Matt sighed heavily, understanding exactly what she meant. Though he had never smelled it himself, he knew it was how the devotion in the building showed up to her. It was part of her abilities, how she described the church as warm and alive with everyone’s belief. She described anger as red, hot and burning. Sadness was cold and blue. Happiness was a soft purple. Love was pink and fuzzy. Fear, yellow and bitter. He wondered what she was feeling now.

“Instead she just… sits on the bench out front until one of the boys comes to collect her for work. Poor thing.” Lantom continued and it made Matt’s heart twist.

“It’s my fault.. She was with me that night and I- I made her leave. I couldn’t let her die with me.” Matt said weakly.

“She’s doing well lately, better since she’s recovered.”

Matt wondered what that meant but he didn’t dwell on it.

“The.. The way her voice broke when she- When she called out for me… I heard her scream when it all happened.”

Just talking about it replayed that scream and he felt his heart splinter again.

“I’m sure she would love to see you.”

“I just can’t get that sound out of my head.” He nearly whispered.

“She used to say the last thing you said to her played in her head like a record on repeat… Said she’d give anything to hear you say her name again.”

Matt said nothing this time. He would love to have Y/N come by but he knew it wasn’t fair. He’d been gone for several weeks, at least. That could’ve meant months. Y/N could’ve gotten over everything and seeing him, knowing he was alive and she had been so close to him every time she came, it would only break her again. How could he put her through that? How could he be so selfish?

“Matthew, you have to admit it is a miracle that you survived.” Lantom tried.

“That’s how most of our conversations tend to go.” Matt complained and rolled to his side. “Let’s just give it a rest.”

Lantom left after that, allowing Matt to wallow in his own thoughts and boredom.

He wondered who were the boys that came for Y/N. What of her life was still the same? Did Exodus come back to protect the Kitchen, to take out her anger and pain on those she thought deserved it? Or did she sit at home, alone in the apartment that they had danced in? The apartment they had cooked dinners in and cleaned together and where she taught him more and more Russian. Was she as alone as he was? Chased by memories of something buried alive.

Those were the thoughts that plagued Matt day in and day out. He thought of his other friends, too. Karen and Foggy. He wondered if Jessica or Luke or Danny had checked in on Y/N. He even wondered if Frank had heard and looked out for her

Matt wasn’t sure how long exactly it had been since his conversation with Father Lantom about Y/N when Sister Maggie brought her up as well.

“There must be at least one person I can call for you.” She said, almost regretfully and there was a hint of a knowing tone in her voice.

“No.” Matt decided. “There’s no one.”

“What about the girl?”

“What girl?”

“The sad, pretty one. Although lately she seems more angry than sad.” She described her simply and a brief smile crossed Matt’s face. “She comes every morning and has told me about a specific someone who sounds remarkably like you. And given all of that, I’m guessing she was the one you liked to do backflips with.”

“Exodus.”

Sister Maggie hummed in response.

“Her name is Y/N.” Matt said, almost defensively. He couldn’t take her down to only her vigilante name because she was so much more than that. He helped her see that, so ignoring that would be wrong. Exodus was part of who Y/N was, not the entirety.

“You should consider yourself lucky to have found a girl like that that’s willing to put up with all of this.”

“Yeah…”

Back at the apartment, you were getting home for the day. It was an easy day. You had been back from Quantico for a few months, but everything from Billy at the carousel set back your timeline. After your mandated therapy and physical rehab, today was the first day you were unrestricted, though of course your luck meant nothing exciting happened.

You reached for your door handle and found it already unlocked. You walked in confidently after dropping your purse and coat by the door, a hand hovering at the gun on your hip, only to find Karen. She was kneeling by the closet under your stairs with the case to Matt’s suit open in front of her.

“I could’ve told you it’s still not there.” You said simply, removing your gun and badge from your belt and tossing them to the table. “It’s not coming back, Karen. Neither is he.”

“I’m sorry. I should’ve called.” She answered gently, a sadness in her voice.

“Yeah..” You agreed quickly. “Want a drink?”

“I’m okay, thanks.. But uh, how are you?”

“That’s not what this is about.” You threw the fridge shut. “Y’know, come to think of it, I don’t know why you keep coming back and looking for it.”

“I know.. I just can’t shake the feeling that-“

“Not even that.” You laughed with annoyance. “You don’t remember what you told him, do you? When you came by the next day after he told you about all that.” You pointed to the closet.

She was quiet so you continued.

“I don’t think Daredevil’s the problem.” You repeated and her eyes dropped. Her guilt tinted the air with a stale feeling, vaguely smelling like old water. “You didn’t want him in your life as Daredevil but now that he’s gone, you pretend that you cared about the suit.”

She looked back to you quickly. “I didn’t care about the suit. I cared about him.”

“You cared about Matt… Yeah, I’ll give you that. But you didn’t give a shit about Daredevil. You can’t separate the two!”

“Is that why you liked him? Because he was Daredevil.”

“Oh my god.” You muttered.

“Because you liked a guy that you could treat like shit and still expect him to care?”

“Fuck you, Karen.” You snapped. “I cared about Matt long before he even thought about Daredevil so don’t stand there and act like you know anything about our relationship.”

“No, you’re right. Because you two kept so many goddamn secrets nobody really knew either of you, right?”

“Is this really what you came for? To fight with me.” You came around the counter and took a few steps closer to her, making her step back. “Because if you did, you can walk right back out the door and y’know what. You don’t even have to come back. Okay? I don’t need this shit from you anymore. I’m done, Karen.”

She was quiet and you felt the way your words sliced through her but you were too angry to stop talking. You let that anger burn through you as the words fell from your lips.

“Evidently, the only reasons we got along were because Matt and Frank were mutual friends. Now that they’re not around, we have nothing.” You shrugged. “You don’t have to pretend to care about me anymore. I don’t need a pity friend. And I don’t want one.”

“I shouldn’t have said that.” She replied quietly, like a child being yelled at by her parents. “I’m sorry. We’re just worried, me and Foggy.”

“Well don’t be. I’m fine.” You offered a sarcastic expression before going back to the far side of the counter.

She nodded slightly. “I don’t believe that.”

“I don’t care. I don’t need a babysitter. I still make a couple meetings for that support group with Curtis. I left Anvil and the Billy fiasco behind. I’m trying to take the FBI offer seriously. I don’t know what else you and him need me to do to convince you that I’m fine.”

“Foggy said you’re going to Matt’s church again.”

“Oh my-“ You mumbled. “That’s what this is about? Because I sit on a stupid bench?”

“It’s more than just a bench, Y/N.”

“What else is there to say? What are you fishing for?” You sighed heavily and leaned your palms against your countertop, nearly wincing at the sharp contrast of the cool surface against your burning skin. “I’m moving on. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

A series of quick knocks sounded at your door.

“What you both wanted.” You corrected as you went to open the door, seeing Foggy standing on the other side.

“Surprise.” He smiled nervously.

“Whatever intervention or ambush this is, I don’t need it.” You announced as you headed back into the living room. “I’m doing great.”

“I just came to see my friend. We haven’t had time to get together since you’ve been back, given all the other stuff that happened.” Foggy said honestly. You turned to face him and stared for a moment, reading his emotions. You found he wasn’t coming from a place of worry or concern. Just friendship.

You offered a small smile in response as your own headspace cleared. Maybe you needed someone familiar to be around for a bit. “Then you can stay a while. And if you don’t try to pick another fight, Karen, you can stay too.”

You had to admit. Foggy’s good heart and honest energy seemed to be the only thing lately that could help your heart break through.

Back at the church, Sister Maggie was continuing her conversation with Matt.

“Angry, sarcastic, and stubborn. Maybe you don’t have any friends.” Maggie joked, though Matt didn’t find it funny.

“Someone once told me that warriors were meant to be alone.” He answered simply rather than argue. “That caring for people would make me weak.”

“Is that what you told that Exodus girl?”

“Y/N.” Matt said defensively to himself.

“That you’d be weak if you cared? Cause it doesn’t seem like she got the memo.”

“I let people in, I paid a price… If anyone can understand that, it’s her. I won’t make that mistake again.”

“Would she call it a mistake?”

“You really wanna push the Y/N topic, don’t you?” Matt groaned. Not because he didn’t want to talk about Y/N, but because it just hurt too much still.

“She seems to be the only topic that gets you to talk.” Maggie countered.

The conversation then shifted to Job after Matt found his old Bible and the way Matt thought he was serving God the same way. Matt admitted that he didn’t hate God, but he felt he understood Him better and understood where they stood with each other.

“For the record, I had friends. I had a life, a girlfriend and I- I loved her, probably would’ve married her one day. Started a family of our own down the road. I care about people and I’m choosing to let them believe that I’m gone because I am.”

“Tell that to the girl that sits on that bench every morning.”

“You don’t get it.” He sighed.

“I think I do, Matthew. She makes you happy, and that’s the worst thing for you.”

“I know my truth now, Sister.”

“What truth?”

“I’d rather die as the Devil than live as Matt Murdock.”

“So I guess she’d rather live as Y/N, without either, and blame herself for the Devil’s death.”

“At least she’ll live.”

“But what kind of a life is that?”

Sister Maggie left after that, allowing Matt to sit in his own continuous misery. Missing Foggy, Y/N, and Karen. That was his own punishment. He deserved that, for all the pain and suffering he had brought to them. He was better alone, the same as Y/N tried to convince herself she was, and he hoped she had started to believe she was better without him. Difference was that he chose to do what he did. Y/N was made into it. The only thing he would change was that Y/N blamed herself.

That night, Sister Maggie came back.

“I think you’re a hero, hiding down here and feeling sorry for yourself.” She said simply. “Just out back, there’s an orphanage full of kids who’ve lost everything and everyone. Some of them disabled, much worse off than you ever were. And they’re still trying to make the most out of life, the little cowards.”

“Okay, alright.” Matt cut in.

“I mean it! Here you are, with all the gifts God gave you. Handsome, smart, a law degree, people who care about you. You have a beautiful, thoughtful girl that comes here every single day without fail who only wants to see you again. Doesn’t even know you’re here, mind you. But you’re so bravely giving up.”

“Y’know, thank you for the tough love, Sister.” Matt complained as he hobbled across the cold room. “And your charmingly simplistic view of God and the world. I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, I really do, but don’t for a second think you know anything about me or her or my life.”

“I’ve been a nun for 30 years. I know self-pity when I hear it.” She continued. “And I know that she’s had to leave people, without explanation. I know that after losing you, if how she feels is how they all felt, she would’ve done it differently.”

“Yeah? Well, no one died because of her. Twice, actually.”

“You don’t know everything about her past, Matthew. The guilt she carries could be more than yours.”

“But you do?”

“No.. But I do know your father was famous around here. I saw him fight, saw him go down many times. But he never stayed down.” She pressed before she left.

Matt laid in bed that night and thought of her words, and she was right. About his dad at least. He didn’t stay down. But he did have to wonder about what she said about Y/N, regretting the choices she’d made. If she had known the way people hurt when she left - how he hurt when she left - would she have made different choices?

He couldn’t help but think how different his life would’ve been if she had never left. Or if she had never came in the first place.

A few days passed and Matt found some sense of recovery. He managed to clear some of the blockages in his sinuses, allowing him to find some normalcy with training again. Certain moves still hurt, still caused him to fail, but he knew he was on his way back to what he was before. Back to Daredevil.

On your next day off, you were sitting on your usual bench outside the church with your gym bag tucked beneath your feet. You greeted some of the familiar nuns and patrons with a friendly smile, accepting the gentle handshakes and blessings from the older ladies that you were seeing for the first time since you’ve been back. Sister Maggie came and sat beside you, though her usual demeanor was replaced with a jittery energy.

“Something wrong, Sister?” You asked simply as she sighed and you felt the vibrations tingle against your exposed skin.

“Well, Y/N, I don’t know how to ask you this.” She admitted and you shifted to face her fully. “Would you be.. willing to come downstairs with me today?”

“For what?”

“For a… for a fight.”

“A fight..” You repeated and raised your brows. “Since when does the church have a secret fight club?”

“I’m not thrilled about it but I think you’re the best option.”

“Okay…” You agreed hesitantly. “What’s the catch?”

“Well… Have you ever fought blindfolded? Or with your eyes closed?”

You couldn’t help but laugh, though her scowl made you quiet down.

“You’re serious?” Your brows furrowed.

“Unfortunately.”

“Weirdly enough, I have..”

“Of course you have.” She sighed.

“It was a good training exercise.” You shrugged. “It taught me to understand and hone my gifts rather than depending on what I see, kinda like how Matt used to… Well, anyways, did you want me to do it today?”

“If you’re willing.”

You stared at your hands folded in your lap for a moment, tapping your fingers as you thought. It was an odd request, definitely, and it made no sense to you. But the idea did make your nerves tingle and your muscles twitch. It could be fun to repeat an old training drill, despite the clear hesitation and borderline sacrilegious nature of it. There was something Sister Maggie wasn’t telling you, but really, you didn’t care to know all the details.

“Sure.” You shrugged and stood, kneeling for your bag before following the older nun through the halls and down the stairs.

You paused before a rod-iron gate and you could feel the buzzing of your opponent on the other side. A torn cloth was tied tightly across your eyes as Sister Maggie and Father Lantom exchanged a quick, hushed conversation that you were expected to ignore about what was going to take place. You were lead through the room quietly, guided where to leave your bag.

You knelt and pulled your wraps, wrapping them in place easily after your brace was fitted on as you spoke to Lantom while Maggie talked to whoever you were facing. You tapped your hands into your chalk pouch and patted them together to cover your exposed fingers and the back of your covered knuckles with the fine powder.

“Do you have gloves?” He asked simply, though you could picture the way he was fidgeting.

“I’d rather not, if whoever’s over there doesn’t mind.” You answered, nodding towards the unknown figure behind you. “They don’t have to either, just so it’s fair.”

After a moment of quiet, Lantom answered.

“Alright. He’s not wearing a helmet and there’s a lot of marble statues around so try not to beat on him too bad.”

You smiled slightly and turned your head in his direction.

“Shouldn’t you be warning him about going easy on me, too?” You joked and stood, allowing Lantom to turn you towards your opponent and guide you closer. “Given I’m the one that can’t see.”

“No wonder you two got along.” Maggie sighed, though the statement wasn’t directed at you. “Same sense of humor.”

You reached your hand out and felt another meet yours in a quick tap. Your skin flushed warm as you tuned in to your opponent’s feelings, finding yourself warmed with a general anger and an underlying sadness. A brief flash of loneliness and regret, tucked under a suffocating blanket of self-pity that you swore was going to choke you. You cleared the feeling with a light cough as you rolled your shoulders.

They’d be easy enough to keep track of. Your only issue now would be anticipating their moves, given that you knew nothing of their fighting style. All you could assume was that they were a traditional boxer.

You moved first with hopes of keeping enough of an offense that you wouldn’t need to defend against much, throwing two sharp jabs that connected with their stomach. You were met with a brisk hook to your chin that backed you up a few steps. You chuckled lightly and shifted your jaw, having been hit harder than anticipated.

The brief swell of pride gave away where they moved to so you acted quickly, grabbing their shoulders and yanking them down your knee could slam their stomach. When you felt the hands grab your forearms, you spun your hands around so you could break their hold before throwing an elbow against their nose which earned a loud gasp from Sister Maggie. Your next punch was caught, pushing you to the side. When you turned to face them again, you were met with a quick barrage of jabs that you could block with your arms and there was an obvious tell that your opponent was holding back.

“If you’re gonna hit me, hit me. I’m sure I can take it.” You spat with the unintentional tint of your accent and were hit with a heavy wave of panic.

You seized the hesitation and moved back in, landing hit after hit. Lantom and Maggie both tried to call you off, but neither you nor your opponent stopped. You two were trading blows and dodging shots until you managed to get enough room to swing a moderated roundhouse to the side of his head and he dropped.

Lantom guided you out after that while Maggie tended to the other person, both of them unhappy with the results. He thanked you for coming and insisted you keep it quiet. You joked that you didn’t know who you were up against anyway so your story wouldn’t make much sense if you told it. But even as you were leaving, and you couldn’t remove the blindfold until you were the majority of the way up the stairs, you couldn’t deny the feeling that whoever you were up against… Their emotions were familiar, like the sound of an old song that you still miraculously knew the words to but couldn’t remember who sang it.

Something comfortable. Something that was impossible to truly get out of your head.

That night, you were out with Dex for drinks to try and forget about it.

“Why does it look like you got punched in the face?” He laughed, tapping his mouth in the same spot where you knew yours was busted.

“Cause I did.” You admitted with a small smile that tugged the small wound open. “My gym was doing a little amateur boxing showcase type thing earlier so I jumped in after my lifts.”

“Hope you won.”

“Oh, yeah.” You grinned, the action tugging the split skin open further. “Dropped the last guy nice and easy. After I had my fun, of course.”

“Otherwise, y’know, I’d have to find a new partner.”

“Wow.” Your brows raised and he gave you a playful smirk. “Just like that?”

“Just like that.”

“That’s cold, Dex.”

“C’mon.” He chuckled. “You think I can have a partner that loses amateur boxing?”

“Too bad. Looks like you’re stuck with me. Hattley says she likes the way we work.”

“Guess I’ll have to deal with you then, huh?”

“Can’t rid of me that easy. Just ask anyone who knows me.”

As he was walking you home, you felt that familiarity again. It hooked into your chest and was tugging at you, screaming in the back of your head to get closer. You faked a reason to return to the bar - lying that you had left your phone - and hurried the few blocks to get to them. As you were getting closer, you heard a woman yelling for her dad. Her panic urged your feet to move faster, but you were so distracted by the person - likely subconsciously - calling out to you that you almost didn’t notice the car.

The tires skirted along the asphalt and you had to hop back. You leaned on the hood to see through the bright headlights, and the girl driving was more panicked than you were, with mascara stall rubbing down her puffed up cheeks. It was easy to figure out she was the one you heard so you waved her off and kept moving. But when you got to the source, you faltered, only for a second.

“God forgive me.” He mumbled, hardly enough sound for you to hear.

The defeat in his voice - his familiar voice - drove a stake through your chest that let a chilling loneliness creep out and weigh heavily on your skin. With a shiver, you forced the feeling down and focused on the situation in front of you.

One of the men raised their arms but you were quick to yank the pole from their hand. He turned on you almost instantly but you offered a smile before slamming the pole against his temple, seeing an angry gash split almost immediately. You turned and slammed a foot against the kneeling man’s chest and leaned into it, pinning him to the ground. You threw the pole at the other man, seeing the end collide with his nose before you allowed him to gather his partner and take off.

You blew a loose strand of hair from your face and turned your attention back to the man under your shoe.

You heart nearly stopped when you saw the familiar outfit.

“No…” You said quietly, moving your foot to kneel beside him.

Your fingers reached gingerly for the edge of his mask, but just as you were about to grab it, he slammed his forehead against yours and you fell backwards. You let out a loud string of curses in Russian as you rubbed the place of contact but when you looked back, you found he was gone.

You could’ve sworn, as you got up and made your way back to the apartment, that it was the Man in the Mask.

The Devil of Hell’s Kitchen.

Daredevil.

Matt Murdock.

Despite every logical thought in your head, everytime your brain mulled over the facts. Every night you went to bed alone and woke up the same. Every time you realized you missed him but forgot that it was supposed to hurt, when you realized you still weren’t really letting it hurt.

But if you had to put money on that voice being his, you would’ve.

Would it be better if he really was alive? Maybe whatever was cracking through your still cold core would reignite in your chest. You could regain your full sense of humanity and normalcy, return to the Y/N he knew and loved, assuming enough of her still existed at that point.

Or would it only force that floodgate of pain and anger and grief open? Would you find that the girl he knew, the girl you thought you were, was never real? That it’d be too much and you’d fall back into an uncaring, heartless and ruthless person that not even Dreykov would’ve wanted.

Damn him, for throwing your thoughts into a spiral even in death.

Alleged death, now.

The next morning at work, you wished you had stayed home.

“Y/L/N. You’re with me.” An agent you knew a bit, Ray Nadeem, called as he walked by you. He didn’t stay long so you had to move quickly to catch up.

“Where are we going?” You asked as you finally got to his stride.

“Talk to a guy who won’t give us shit. Hattley wants you to go since SWAT has nothing and you’re new but doesn’t want you going alone in case there’s a conflict of interest.”

“So why you? Why not send me with Dex seeing as he’s my actual partner.”

“Cause my number was up next.” He sighed in annoyance. “And didn’t Dex go out of town on assignment this morning?”

“You’re telling me this couldn’t have waited a day or two till he’s back? If he’s gonna give us nothing, what does it matter?”

When you got in the car, he passed you the thick rubber banded folder. You didn’t need to open it to know what case it was, and all thoughts of Matt and his possible survival were shoved from your head.

You were going to talk to Wilson Fisk.

You gripped the file tightly in one hand while pulling your phone. You shot Marc a quick text about Vanessa’s most recent location, and he sent back a short list of what he had since the last time you two spoke along with a rumor of where she’d be headed next. The drive to the prison was relatively quiet, but you could feel there was something eating at Ray. You thought about asking but you figured he wouldn’t want to talk to you about it so you said nothing. Instead, you cleared your throat to break the looming tension.

You two were escorted in after a brief security clearing and sat alone at a small table while the guards led Fisk in.

“Mr. Fisk, I’m Special Agent Ray Nadeem with the Federal Bureau of Investigation.” Ray introduced simply, flashing his badge before gesturing to you.

“Special Agent Y/N Y/L/N, FBI SWAT.” You nodded.

“The FBI would like your assistance with… Let’s just cut to the part where you tell us to eat shit so we can stop wasting each other’s time.”

“Do you have someone in your life that you love so much, you’d do anything to protect them?” Fisk asked solemnly, his eyes lingering on you before turning to Ray.

“Are you threatening us?” He asked quickly.

“I have made many mistakes.” Fisk nodded. “But I accept the debt I’m paying because of them. A debt-” He turned to you again. “-that certain people ensured I could not neglect.”

“He’s not threatening us, not yet at least.” You sighed and leaned forward, your chest hitting the edge of the table. “He’ll talk.” You twisted your fingers under the table to pull on the gnawing worry that was presenting in Fisk. As the man stared you down, you watched the blue mist of sadness cover his eyes and you were given a flash of a name. Vanessa. “Because there’s something we can offer as incentive.”

“What I cannot accept is that the woman I love should have to pay for them, too. I would do anything to protect her.”

“So what is it you’re saying?” Ray asked carefully.

“He wants us to help Vanessa Marianna, some sort of pardon or acquittal, so she can come back to the States.” You explained, drawing a quick head turn from Ray. “She’s been pretty good about avoiding countries with extradition, I’ll give her that. But she’s passed through a couple in Europe, for the sake of art, I bet.”

“She had nothing to do with this!” Fisk said loudly.

“But she knew, didn’t she?” You instigated.

“I want to make a deal.”

“She knew you were a criminal, I bet.”

“Y/L/N.” Ray tried.

“A liar.”

“All I ask, Agent Y/L/N, in exchange is for someone to protect this woman.”

“Let me be frank here. I don’t trust you. I want you to stay in this prison and rot for the rest of your miserable life. Vanessa can run till the money runs out and I have someone grab her. But it’s not about what I want… Give us good information and maybe we’ll look into it. She’s easy enough for me to find anyway.”

The next morning, you and Ray were tasked with leading a raid on the Albanians. It was a show of faith in Fisk, that he’d given you viable information. But even though you didn’t trust a single word out of Fisk’s mouth, your job was by the book now. You had to look into it.

And as much as you hated to say it, Fisk wasn’t lying. You and Ray led the team through a perfectly successful raid. Your office congratulated you both and you accepted the praise with a smile, even though you didn’t like it. Something about everything felt forced, like you were playing exactly the part you were meant to play and it left a grimy feeling across your skin.

You stayed huddled at your temporary desk most of the day, writing your report of the raid and finding any other trivial task that kept you away from prying eyes.

You had a feeling that the path you were on, and maybe all the FBI officers that end up involved, was going to be a rough one.

“Come with me.” Ray said suddenly, tapping your arm.

“Wha- Again?” You answered as you hurried to your feet. “Where are we going?”

“We’re gonna convince Hattley to give us the Fisk detail.”

“What? No, Ray, I don’t want it.”

“Oh, c’mon.” He groaned as you two reached the SAC’s door. “You and I were the only agents to get anything out of him since he got locked up!”

“You think that matters? You have whatever issues - I’m guessing finances since you’re so desperate - and I’m still new SWAT with a conflict of interest. Besides, in case you couldn’t tell, I don’t like Fisk. I don’t like the way he looks at people. I don’t like the way he talks to people. There is no way in hell I go in there and ask for that.”

“Look, he’s afraid of whatever you know. Right? He believes that you can get to Vanessa, without even trying. If you stay involved, even as backup - just a presence in the room. Y/L/N, I promise you, we can get enough for everyone for years.”

“Wow, okay, so you’re just not listening to the whole ‘conflict of interest’ issue? I worked at the firm that built the case that got him locked up and had a tenement case against him. I want that man to die in jail. I don’t care what he can give or what I can take away. You wanna ask her for it? Go ahead. If she asks my opinion, I’ll back you on it. Just leave me out of it.”

All the while, Matt was sulking in the church basement when Sister Maggie came to check on him.

“Give yourself time to heal or you’re gonna get yourself killed.” She said simply.

“You’re probably right.” Matt said quickly before swallowing the pills.

“Is that what you wanted?”

Instead of answering her question, Matt changed the subject.

“She found me last night… Y/N.”

“Did you talk to her?”

“No, I.. I ran off.”

“Do you wish you had talked to her?”

“I heard her heartbeat.. Seemed like the first time when she didn’t let me hear it but I heard it on my own. Something about her is different…”

“She’s been through a lot since you’ve been gone, not just counting what you did.”

“What happened?” Matt asked softly.

“Maybe if you let her be here, there’d be less of your self-pitying bullshit to throw around. She could knock some sense into you and you could ask her yourself.”

“Why did you become a nun?” He asked instead when he realized she wouldn’t tell him. He’d have to find a chance to ask Y/N instead.

“I heard God’s call.”

“So you feel like being a nun is what you’re meant to be?”

“Yes.” She said with finality. “Very much.”

“What if you couldn’t be anymore? If it were taken from you?”

“Your point being that if we can’t fulfill our calling, we might be better off as worm food?”

“Just answer the question.”

“Okay.. But let me ask you something first. What do you think Y/N’s calling is?”

He sighed heavily as he thought about it. As much as he missed her and he yearned her - as much as his own heart was probably betraying him and calling out for her in a way only she would feel - he didn’t want to talk about her. He didn’t want to be reminded of the pain he’d caused her. The way he essentially abandoned her at Midland Circle.

“Helping people.” He said finally, deciding how he wanted to word it. “Y/N was always meant to help people. Inside the law or outside of it, she knew she could make a difference.”

“I wouldn’t lose faith, Matthew, if I couldn’t fulfill my calling.” She explained with a slight edge to her voice. “I’d find some other purpose.”

“If you can be anything else, it was never really your calling.” Matt countered bitterly. “Just tell me, honestly. If you could no longer be a nun, wouldn’t you grieve?”

“Of course I would.. But this isn’t grief. This is-“

“Just please… Go away.”

“I understand what it’s like to feel lost.” She offered, with a much gentler tone than before. “It happened to me too once, a long time ago when I was still a novitiate. I left the order for a while.”

“Why?”

“I was considering a very different life… It was wonderful and terrifying. I struggled to know which life God wanted me to choose. I prayed. I looked for signs. In the end, I had to do my best to figure it all out.”

“Well, that there is the difference between us. I no longer care what God wants.”

You found your way to the church that night after work. You were texting Dex when Sister Maggie came and sat beside you with a heavy sigh, the sigh of a woman almost too tired to keep pushing. But that, you realized, was something that set Sister Maggie apart from the other nuns you had met.

She was too stubborn to quit on anyone. And maybe that was why you liked talking to her, because it seemed like she wasn’t quitting on you.

“I thought you’d grown bored of this place.” She offered with a bit of amusement, though she was clearly worn down. “Or that little event scared you away.”

“No.” You chuckled. “He got me good, I’ll admit. And it was strange. But it takes more than a cheap shot to get rid of me.”

“We missed you this morning. Some of the older ladies.. They asked about the ‘sweet young girl who sits outside’.”

“That’s what they call me?” You smiled slightly.

“Well, they just don’t know better.”

You couldn’t help but laugh.

“How are you today, Y/N?” She asked honestly.

“It has not been my favorite… Work was interesting. We had this raid and it worked, I’m not complaining about that. It’s what I’m supposed to be doing with this job, y’know? But… The guy that gave us the information, I can’t stand him. Honestly, Sister, I hate him. And I don’t like this feeling of having to be around him again.”

“Do you feel the FBI is your calling?”

“I don’t think I have a calling.” You said honestly. “I’ve tried a lot of different things. The assassin I was raised to be, a mercenary, a lawyer, a vigilante, private security, now FBI… I just wanted to help people who needed it, who were stuck under someone else’s thumb. People like me when I was little, with no one willing to protect them. And I have, in a lot of different ways, but I don’t know about my calling.”

“In some aspects, you remind me of Matthew… When he was younger, of course.”

“In a good way?”

She sighed slightly but offered a fond smile, remembering Matt as a child striking a sentimental cord.

“He was always angry, sometimes lost. He always seemed like he was fighting, be it against himself or the city’s darkness when he got older.” She continued, her eyes falling downward as she toyed with her fingers. “But at his core, he had a good heart, up until his end. And I truly believe you do, too.”

You smiled slightly. Maybe Matt was right after all. Maybe you did have your own light.

“What about you, Sister? What’s wearing you down today?”

“There’s a man who… Well, he’s a great many things. Stubborn, mainly, but also defeated. And I can’t seem to find what sparks a want to continue.”

“Is he alone? No friends or family.”

“He’s not. He has both, or had, I suppose. Friends, even a girlfriend. But he doesn’t want them to know where he is.”

“Sounds lonely..”

She hummed in agreement.

“So why not let him rot in his misery alone? If he’s so determined to isolate himself, maybe you should let him.”

“This one, I’m personally responsible for.”

“How so?”

“He grew up here.” She answered simply but there seemed to be something else there, though you didn’t ask.

“Ah… Well, if he’s really choosing this solitude, I’d say just be there for him, best you can be. He’ll probably keep trying to push and seclude himself but if you really feel you have to help him, just keep pushing back. I know that for me, after Matt, I pushed away the only two friends I thought I had in this city... And I thought that hiding behind Billy and Anvil… I thought those things could fix me, spark something in me, but they didn’t. It just made me feel worse until it got to a point where I didn’t want to feel anything. I didn’t want to die per say, but I didn’t wanna live like that anymore. So I buried everything and threw myself into a fight that didn’t really involve me, then I got stuck with this.” You shook the wrist with the brace.

“And how do you feel now?”

“Somewhere in between, I think. Nothing’s perfect and there’s still this hollowness in my chest but… I can talk about him without feeling like I’m suffocating. I realized that I can’t just shut everything off and expect people to stick around. I care about people and I have to kinda take the good with the bad, even when it almost kills me. When it takes a piece of me and buries it hundreds of feet below the city.”

“We all heal in our own ways.”

“Yeah.. Problem was, I didn’t know how to grieve on my own. When I was a kid, we weren’t allowed to grieve. It was either someone came back or they didn’t. As long as you were still standing, you kept moving. And when Elektra died, I had Matt. But then Matt was gone and I went home every night to no one. I didn’t know what else to do other than distract myself. I’ve made mistakes but I’m trying to do better.”

“All we can do is take things one day at a time..” She nodded before she stood. “I truly do enjoy our little chats. Till next time, Y/N.”

“Good night, Sister.”

[zisung-archive]

i dont even know why i bother showing my mom things i enjoy or that make me happy as if i dont know she will literally drag them to shit because they arent things that she wants me to like

[technowoah]

i just really want jack manifold fluff if you’re taking requests like the reader joins jack for laugh and the stream ends idk you can do what you feel is best :]

Free Content Darling

Jack manifold my beloved ♥

Im so behind on requests yall forgive me 😪

Literally sorry in advance-

Jack Manifold x gen neutral! reader (established) blurb imagine

⚠︎ slight swearing, petnames, and a lot of fluff, a little bit of writers block from me :( I didn't proofread LMAONSK HELP-

Masterlist

"Darling! C'mere!" You heard Jack yell from his recording room. You were currently curled up on the couch scrolling through twitter. The trending page had "JACK" and "TRY NOT TO LAUGH" on the top. The tweets under the trending topics was filled with comments about Jack's stream and other streams happening.

You had heard him laughing and yelling in his recording room before. To be completely honest you dont know why he invited you over his house in the first place. You showed up at his house wanting to just relax and have a fun time with Jack, but after a couple minutes he had told you he had a stream already scheduled today and left to you to your own devices.

Thats how ended up on the couch looking at tweets that talked about your boyfriends stream.

You lazily rolled off the couch and onto your feet. You had the fluffy socks Jack had gotton you as a small gift. You both ended up getting the same socks and slipped around the house because of the hardwood floor. It was a fun activity until you were both mimicking ballroom dancing untill you both slipped and fell on the hardwood floor. It was a small moment but then after you both were more careful around his house.

Opening the door to his recording office you peaked your head inside now knowing if he wanted you completely inside or just wanted to quickly tell you something. The door was in frame when he streams so you couldn't be discreet.

"Hey-"

"Hey! Y/N! Guys it's Y/N!" Jack exclaimed showing you off to the stream. "Come over here love." He waved you over while rolling his identical gaming chair for you to sit on.

You smiled and made your way over to sit beside him in the broken chair.

"Why'd you give me the broken chair this time?" You smiled as you questioned him.

"I mean they are identical, no one would've noticed."

"We'll you told everyone who sat in it that it was broken." You said matter of factly.

"Do you want to sit in this one?" Jack asked pointing to the chair underneath him.

"Yeah I do." You said while putting your hands together in a prayer position. "You wanna switch with me?"

"No, not really Im quite comfortable in my own chair love." Jack said with a smirk leaning back in his chair.

"You sure?"

"Yeah pretty much." Jack's smile widened as he saw your frustration grow.

"Dickhead." You said under your breath.

Jack started to laugh. "What did you say?" He swiveled his chair to face you.

"Nothing. You're hearing things." You smirked.

Meanwhile the chat was freaking out about your interactions. You werent a stranger to Jack's fanbase. A year ago you were just Jack's roommate, but then he slowly introduced you as his significant other. He started flirting with you on stream and on twitter, then after a couple months of that he titled a stream "MEET MY S/O!!!". It was weird for you to be on stream for the first time, but you became accustomed to it.

"What did you want me to do again?" You asked. Jack probably forgot the reason he called you in there in the first place.

"Oh yeah! I wanted to do a stream with you! A you laugh the stream ends type thing. Also the chat was asking for you, they missed you apparently."

"Oh of course they did, I think they love me more than you."

"Yeah I think so! And its not right!" Jack exclaimed and you laughed along with him.

"I think we already lost the challenge, cause we've been laughing for a while haven't we?" You brought up.

"Well the challenge hasn't started. And if we laugh you have to get bonked in the bead with this pillow." Jack had gotton up and walked around the room searching for something to become a punishment. "We have 3 lives each and if we use up all of our lives the stream ends."

"And I have you all to myself?" You asked slightly serious. You still were irked because of tbe fact he invited you over and left you, I mean you are here now next to him, but you wanted time without a camera and monitors in your face.

"Yeah love, of course. But you have to laugh!" Jack exclaimed.

Thinking about the situation, you wanted to laugh and lose all your lives on purpose so you two could have alone time together.

"Fine let's go!"

"Alright then!"

"You suck at this game dont ya?" Jack laughed as mutiple short videos from fans kept popping up on the screen. "You have one more life and I only have two."

It was 30 minutes into the stream and youve been hit with the pillow on Jack's lap more times than you could count, at least that what it felt like. You were on your last life and actually trying to stay in the game after realizing how much fun this was. Maybe you were being selfish, because you were right next to him doing things that you two were going to do alone.

"You have no sense of humor babe." You replied back.

"I do have a sense of humor! I could say my sense of humor is broken even."

"Well mine is too when we compare how many lives we have left."

"Good point."

"YOU LAUGHED!" You stood up confronting him trying to pry the pillow out of his hands to hit him with.

"NO! I did not! Let go!" Jack said still sitting down struggling to keep a good grip on the pillow. You successfully took the pillow out of his hands and started repeatedly hitting him with it as he tried to shield himself.

"Augh! Stop!"

"He laughed! He laughed, you guys saw that right?" You bent down into frame reading the chat while they spammed "YES" and "HIT HIM"

"See, they agree with me Manifold." You said confidently.

"They're just want to see me lose. I'm too powerful." He shrugged.

"Anways! 1 to 1! Loser!" You hit him with the pillow again.

"Stop!"

The stream continued on and the both of you were begging eachother to keep your one lives that you both had left. Everytime you snickered a bit Jack would catch it and vice versa. The stream went on longer than Jack planned, but it seemed like he was having fun. Finally after an hour of streaming and bickering between you both You ended up laughing at this stupid vine from long ago.

"YOU LAUGHED I WON!" Jack threw his hands up in victory. "Holy shit we can end the stream, this took forever."

"You wanna end the stream?" You asked after calming down.

"Well we could just chill and talk to chat, but I would've thought you wanted to chill without.." Jack gestured to the monitors on his stream. "All that."

"How'd you know I wanted to do that?" You asked with a small smile.

Jack shrugged. "Well I kind of left you here in my flat and went to go stream for a while. That was a dick move."

"Well thats what I wanted at first but then you called me in here. I was trying to get all of my lives down, but then I realized how much fun I was having." You explained. For a second you forgot that he was still live until you saw flashing text across a screen out of the corner of your eye.

"It was selfish of me-"

"It wasnt selfish bub! I feel that was valid, but you could've told me." Jack said reassuringly grabbing your hand.

"It was fun though! I wouldn't have it any other way Manifold." You smiled at him and he smiled back.

"Me either."

Jack ended up ending his stream and both of you said your goodbyes to the people watching his stream. He closed everything off of his computer and leaned back in his chair immediately relaxing when the camera was turned off.

"Thanks for inviting me Manifold." You said as he got up to put the pillow back in it's place.

"Of course love." He pressed a kiss to your forehead as we walked away for a second.

"Hey! Why did you invite me anyways?" You asked.

He walked back over to where you were standing and pecked your lips and winked at you. "Free content darling."

[orbees]

i'm obsessed with the aesthetic of everything you tag for vincente but literally have seen no information about them otherwise, please, i need to know more. who are they? what are they? pronouns? are they for something like a tabletop rpg or just a blorbo for the mind?

hi phan you sent this ask literally months ago & i kept meaning to answer it but: School. but im procrastinating rn which means it is the perfect time to answer

vicente (formerly vincente, i dropped the n recently) is the character i made for a blades in the dark interlude that took place in the same campaign that kitty is in (beyond the mountains)! so they exist in the same universe, and in fact vinos game took place in kitty's hometown: sin city

however, vino was not the first character i made for bitd, and in fact, i initially played as his sister, vespera. as much as i like vespy tho, she wasn't rly Coming together in my mind as a playable character. so i wanted to try my hand at making another character, but one that was relatively easy to bring into the story as well. vespy's vice being obligation (family) made her having a brother a natural choice, the only thing being that her and billy (fellow party member + @coccolithophore) had history. so why wouldnt billy have met / known about vino??? this question actually ended up informing a lot of his early development and was really fun for me lmfao

the answer to that question ended up being: because he was in Prison, and vespera didn’t have enough money to bail him out. which is why she started doing scores in the first place. and then when he got out, he started doing scores to pay her back. so thats how he got roped into everything

now as for Why he was in prison to begin w/, ill try to tl;dr but basically: vinos a doctor. a general surgeon, actually, but he fell more into doing cosmetic surgeries when he was trying to find ways to make it Big. however he didnt rly Take Off until he started doing Magical Experimental cosmetic surgeries. think magic body mods, basically like turning ur horns into crystal or making ur eyes glow, stuff like that. 

but the thing about doing experimental shit is that it is experimental, and so an accident was inevitable. basically tl;dr he ended up turning a really popular sin city model into a crystal person. it didnt rly go down well, and while he wasn’t really in trouble Legally (sin city doesnt rly operate that way) he pissed off some really rich and powerful ppl. so he lost his practice + everything he had basically and got thrown in jail until vespera could get him out 

it was basically a big fall from grace for him, w/ vespera having to be the one to help him out being the cherry to top it all. going into all the particulars would leave us here all day but basically, vespera’s always been the one helping vino like. their Entire Lives. w/ vespera being so cool calm and collected on the surface (she represses everything lol), and vino being so emotional & getting into trouble, he feels like The Fuck Up. so this just played into that. thus leading into the game

thru this he met billy & skunk (kiwi and pigeon’s characters), and started doing heists w/ them. he DID want to start his practice again but for some reason, no one wanted to work w/ him anymore :/ this culminated into The Big Job where he helped steal an artifact from one of the campaign’s big bads. they actually managed to pull it off & vino got more than enough money to pay his debts. but got a pretty big target on his back in the process. he had to flee sin city w/ The Besties. which truthfully he didn’t really mind because he had become pretty infamous in sin city and not in the fun way LOL. he’s retired from heists now and lives w/ vespy, skunk, and billy.

other fun facts... well. i was gonna say hes autistic but i think thats like one of the first things ppl learn about him LMFAO. he’s bisexual. he had the leech playbook when i was running him in bitd. he was good at tinkering (his best skill) & studying. he also had points in attuning (his magic surgery stuff), Breaking Shit, and being Sneaky. vino being Good at tinkering was just meant to be for Medical shit but i thought it’d be fun if he was also good at messing with mechanical stuff. he was always making little gadgets. i actually have a drawing of one of them

this is one of those drum monkey toys but the drums have been taken off here. vino modified the movement + put stuff in its hands sometimes. used it for distractions and stuff. he also made an aim bot but it literally never worked LMFAO and ofc. bombs. he was very fond of bombs. 

more personality wise i’d say hes very intelligent. he learns rly fast + has a good memory. however he is also very obnoxious and likes to hear himself talk. he’s very insecure and overcompensates hardcore for this. Tries way too hard. very much wants to be liked and respected but goes about it the wrong way 😭 he is incredibly creative tho. he’s always working on some project or another.. i’d say has a lot of drive and passion. also very neurotic. and my baby boy. 

honestly he was just meant to be a chara i used for a few sessions and moved on from but he Latched onto my brain and now i am obsessed w/ him. i think this serves as a good enough primer thanks for reading all this LOL