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Palpatine and Padme: Vengeance

I honestly think Palpatine hated Padme more than he hated anyone else in the entire galaxy. Palpatine was a petty, self-centered man, but he felt superior to basically everybody. They were all insects to be crushed and thrown out when they were no long of use. Hence, I don’t think he ever truly loathed someone with such a quiet all-consuming fury as he did Padme. The Jedi were his ancient enemy; he relished defeating them, but with Padme it was truly personal.

She was the only one to ever really defy him again, and again, and again, and get away with it. Everyone else he was able to mastermind–even the Jedi. Padme though is a girl he mentored, tutored, and groomed…and then who completely got out of his control. First, she gets Valorum to send Jedi to her when he’s not supposed to. Then, she gets off-planet when she’s not supposed to. Then, she leaves Coruscant and defeats the Federation occupation when she’s not supposed too. The only thing she listens to him on is the vote of no confidence: Well, thanks, Amidala! As if that’s not enough though, she is offered to become the head of a new hereditary monarchy on Naboo, and she turns it down in the name of doing what she believes is right. At this point, Palpatine just hates her. He’s been working to become Emperor most of his life, and she just throws power away when it’s handed to her on a silver platter, only to waltz back into his Senate?! Why that small minded, ungrateful, idiotic, idealistic child! She has no comprehension of true grandeur! Her very existence is an offense to him. There is literally no one’s death he’s more looking forward to. When he says in AoTC, “Do it for me… The thought of losing you is…unbearable.” It’s all he can do not to laugh at his own sarcasm. He is going to relish ruining her. When she now actively opposes him with the Delegation of 2000, he can’t even hide his disdain.

Therefore he makes her watch as he destroys the Republic she so values, and  fought so hard for. He manipulates her husband into becoming Darth Vader using her possible death to do it no less, and then he finally kills her, (and he believes her unborn child too), all to prop up his  Empire. After that, he also uses her death as propaganda to support his rule and anti-Jedi campaign by saying the Jedi murdered this beloved figure of Naboo who had been like a daughter to him. He knows she would be spinning in her grave if she knew, and he just takes such delight in this, because he’s won. Yay! All hail Emperor Palpatine!

The problem is though he can’t quite seem to get rid of her: His ever loathsome problem child and rival. First of all, Vader’s certainly a great military mind, but…he doesn’t quite have the chutzpah he had as Anakin Skywalker. Partially that might be attributed to the fact he doesn’t care about anything or anyone anymore, so he doesn’t throw it all in like he used to, but it’s also largely due to his depression and apathy from the loss of Padme. She ruined his apprentice. He is not impressed. It doesn’t even stop there though! That blasted Rebel Alliance came out of her Delegation; he knows that. There’s also the fact that he knows rebel sympathies and actions are just bubbling out of Naboo, and loyalty to her memory is no small part of that. Exceedingly capable rebel operatives start turning up that are her former handmaidens, and the new Naboo Queen herself once harboured Jedi fugitives, and try though he might, no one forgets Queen Amidala, and what she had stood for! He cannot erase the minds and memories of an entire planet of people who had loved her. (Although he does try.) He hates her, hates her, hates her for this. That’s his home-planet; they should be loyal to him…but they aren’t, thanks to her. Finally, like all that isn’t enough, he has to find out Luke Skywalker is her son: Her son he knew would be a threat to him, and thought he had killed with the mother. How dare he be alive?!! He tries to turn his existence into a trap that will give him a new, younger, and more powerful Skywalker apprentice; he’ll get the son to kill the father–(take that Miss Padme!)–but all he gets is chucked down a shaft: Damn her! I honestly do think that apart from, “AAAAHHHH!”, and “Oh, KRIFF!!!!”, and “Kill Luke Skywalker,” Palpatine’s last thoughts were, “I hate Padme Naberrie!” 

I mean, I am always a bit upset about how Padme’s name never crops up in the OT and OT era material. However, you could just call the Original Trilogy, “Padme’s Legacy.” and have done with it. It would not be an inaccurate description. Let’s see: Luke and Leia, assisted by R2-D2 and C-3P0, work with the Rebellion to take down the Empire, and a conflicted and finally redeemed Darth Vader a.k.a. Anakin Skywalker is the one who kills the Emperor? I see Padme’s influence in all of this. She gets the last laugh, even after death. That’s right, Sheev, even killing her wasn’t enough! So, yes, the Original Trilogy could be renamed any of “Padme’s Legacy,” “Padme’s Last Laugh,” or “Padme’s True Vengeance,” and it would fit just fine.  

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I fucked up today. Like actually. I left work to find my car not where I left it. I walked around aimlessly for a few minutes, praying to god that I had only forgotten where I parked.

Its incredible how kind people are in moments if stress. When I told my manager I got towed she looked up exactly what I needed to do. And my coworker drove me to the ticket office and then the tow yard. And they were so sweet and kind and encouraging.

The thing is I knew I was going to get towed. I kept imagining that scene in abbott elementary where the main character doesnt want to pay her deadbeat boyfriends ticket anymore and she gets towed and she cries and I kept worrying and procrastinating on paying my tickets.

I knew you would be mad. Stressed. Disappointed. Thats why I didnt bring up the ticket I got, or the one after, or after (paid parking at work is a scam especially when you have to wait between sessions to pay again). Money was tight and you were so unhappy and it isn't that I think you are fragile. It's that I am too fragile. I can't handle thr weight of your displeasure. When I make a mistake, so often your response is so large. And you text me these consequences, like, well now we can't do this, or, we have to do xyz to fix this you know, and its salt in the wound.

I just need a little grace. I need you to say, I am stressed out and I am upset but I love you and it's ok. I need a hug. But I get your back and your silence.

But how can I be brave when all my human imperfections are met with anger and not love?

Like that other night, when your first words when I came in the door were "these pets are driving me crazy". I said I would make dinner and I did. I make the pasta and the chicken. I roasted the vegetables and seasoned it up. I asked you for help at the end, because I didnt want to misinterpret your vision. Thats a sure way to make you cry, but you dont cry really, do you?

Everything was fine except when you went to stir the pot of pasta, (drained of its water but back in its pot) and a layer of penne was stuck to the pot.

I saw the tapestry of our evening start to unravel right there. You looked at me, almost betrayed.

You said that this is why you should just make dinner. Even though, just a few weeks prior, you said I did a really good job with our meal.

If I had just never let you see the pasta then we could have avoided that unhappy evening.

So why wouldn't I try and hide my mistakes from you?

Don't you remember when our roommate brought the plumber out while the dogs were in the backyard? How they went crazy at him and we had to grab them away? How their dog grabbed the plumbers pants? Don't you remember what you said? That you lived in a house of idiots, that we were all so irresponsible, that you didn't know everyone here was idiotic. You hardly spoke to me for 2 days.

Don't you remember when you decided to cancel the interview our friend got you at that cool new shop, after the one you were at was being such shit? I asked you not to, begged you not to cancel. (You brought up the plumber thing from a few days prior, said if you worked 2 jobs you could spend as little time in this house of idiots as possible)

You went but you told me that we would have to cancel our anniversary plans. And that we couldn't go camping in October. That it would essentially be like I didn't have a partner because you would be so busy, but isn't that what I wanted?

(You got the job by the way and quit the shitty one. You are so much happier. You never apologized even when I brought it up, and said it hurt my feelings. I said it made me feel like you thought I was an idiot. You said you don't think I'm an idiot but that I make idiotic decisions. That didn't make me feel better. Especially because you never said sorry.)

I'm not brave enough to face that anger when I could just hide the mistake instead and fix it in darkness and tell a little white lie. It feels safer.

I can't explain it, but your reactions don't feel right.

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me: i don’t rlly have a catradora hot take of an au

also me: okay so the heiress falls for her ex-assassin head of security and they proceed to pine over each other through intense glances as the rest of the security team commentate in the backgro-

bonus

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Im always waiting for you to come home. I used to think that you running away from me was like when you ran away as a kid. A cry for attention, for validity of your emotions. A way to say, im so angry im leaving and i wanna see how much you care. I always reached out, chased after you.

I thought it would make you feel loved, and show how much i care, but instead you just ran farther away. You told me when you ran you needed space. It took me a while but i understood eventually.

I stopped chasing you and waited for you to come home instead. I try to take you at your word. I want you to know i believe you always. Even when sometimes things you tell me make me doubt that. Like how you used to empty beer bottles to make it look like you were drinking more than you were. I thought you were driving drunk or tipsy, or at least that you were drinking a six pack outside. I was so scared. It took you two years to tell me that. I kind of laughed but inside i was screaming. It felt manipulative and gross, but i think you just wanted me to care. To be worried. You didnt know that i already was. I would have been without the alcohol because i love you so goddamn much.

Even knowing that, i stopped chasing you.

But the thing is that you never really come home to me. Never in your heart. I say i want to talk and you say, "i dont have anything you say. But talk." So i say my piece and then you walk away and we don't talk for an hour, or a day, or two days. Eventually i sit down next to you snd scratch your leg and you let me sit down and you don't pull away. We sit and watch your favorite reality tv shows, and i hold my breath and hope you are willing to talk to me again.

Because the thing is that ive been ready and willing to talk. Ive been hoping and praying that youll talk to me. Ive been dreaming that this time, you will sit down next to me, and scratch my leg, and do something i love with me. But i cant remember a time thats ever happened.

I keep waiting for you to sit down first. Sometimes i run away too. But every time it's because im desperately hoping you will chase after me. Even if we fight and scream -which we never do- at least you would have reached out. Often times Youll text me eventually. We wont be talking and you text me to complain about work and then when you come home i know i can sit down and scratch your leg. I see it as the peace offering it is. It just isnt enough.

Im sitting outside on the front porch, watching cars drive by, looking for yours. Im at once desperate and dreading seeing you pull up. Desperate because i miss you, dreading because i know you will walk by me on the porch. I came out here because i was hoping you would sit down next to me. Instead i watched you drive away.

You left me again. I texted you. I said "Im a giant coward and i never can actually tell you anything important about what im feeling in real time. Only over text. But i want to try talking this out and try to communicate healthily. I miss you and i dont want to fight again. When you are ready to talk can you come home? Im still on the porch waiting for you."

You said "me going back to that house does not mean i want to talk" and "i want to be heard and i don’t feel that so i don’t want to talk"

and I said "I just want us to develop healthy coping mechanisms for conflict between us is all, so let me know when you do want to talk" and "thats fine. Im not trying to push you. I want to hear you and be heard as well"

You said "can i be left alone now"

I said "yeah babe".

I know i share blame in our fights. Of course i do. I would never pretend otherwise. I just dont know how to fix my part in whats broken.

I want to so badly.

Why can't we hold each other and cry? Ive been crying, maybe youve been crying. Why can't we sit on the porch, and we dont even have to talk, we can just apologize, say we love each other, cry to each other, take comfort in each other. We can work out the root of the problem later! Thats fine! I can affirm that i see and validate your pain and you see and validate mine.

Instead you walk by me on the porch after you come home. Im still sitting and waiting for you. You shut the door, and then you come out just to ask if i took the dog out. I say yes. You go back inside and i stay here and write this.

And i still dont know what you want. Should i sit down and scratch your leg? Do you want me to follow you inside? Ive stopped trying to chase you but ive never been 100 percent sure you dont want to be chased.

At the end of the day, i would die a thousand destbs everyday for you. Sometimes i feel like I am. But i know in your head are thoughts as valid as mine. And i guess im terrified ive been the asshole the entire time.

I try so hard everyday not to trigger you my darling, and i always fail, and everytime you leave me, whether in body or spirit. And i die a little bit each time as i watch you walk away and i wonder if its entirely my fault that you left.

And still i love you endlessly and wait for you to come home.

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Im just tired of never hearing you say sorry.

Id bleed myself dry for you over and over.

I just need a little blood back afterwards.

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I feel like i try so hard but only the mistakes are noticed. I change how i drive how i listen how i talk but only the adhd mistakes are noticed. And they are corrected and then im punished with anger somehow and im in trouble bc my mistake somehow made them so mad. And if i say sorry and it was genuinly a mistake then i don't understand why we cant move on! Im trying so fucking hard but its not good enough for you. Maybe im not good enough.

Do you hate me? It feels like it sometimes.

Why do you never ever apologize? You never say sorry in a way that feels meaningful. Never in a way that makes me feel loved. So im crying now not bc of just this situation but bc of all the other ones just like this that hurt just as much but i brushed off.

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dont ask me what this is girl i dont KNOW

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I wasn’t as into it as it looked like. I wanted to stop after the first kiss and hide my face in your neck and say I’m ok I like kissing my wife and that’s the only person I ever want to kiss again. But I wanted to be cool. And I thought don’t I owe it to my younger self to do this? When I’ve spent so much time being ashamed of how I lived how I was a prude? And I did things. Even though my gut told me to stop. Even though I felt uncomfortable. And everyone was looking at me to see if I wanted to keep going but I was looking at you and you seemed encouraging so I thought. Maybe this is good.

More than anything u were holding me. You kissed me like you loved me like I was the only thing on your mind. I wouldn’t have been able to be held that way by you if that hadn’t happened and I didn’t want jt to stop. I forgot about them to be honest. When you were kissing me.

I’ve been feeling neglected but it’s not about the sex. I don’t want that I just want your undivided attention for you to rub my back and want to hold my hand and ask me to lean on you so you can hold me. But I feel like every time I try to initiate that it just shut down and rejected.

So I just scratch your head which I love because it’s the only type of touch that never gets rejected. And I like making you feel good I just wish that you would watch to scratch my head back.

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i really dont want to

I really dont want to do this. i hate it. even though its what i want. i want to go back to school and i want to study history and write and research and teach and find some meaning in this world which is killing me slowly.

but editing my essay? id rather die. like it feels like my heart is exploding. i hate doing anything twice.

i hate my job even though its a damn good job because its the same every single day. jesus. monotony kills me faster than anything else.

so really this is hope. this application. its hope and a future that wont kill me. its a promise that i might get to live my dream. its a promise to my wife that their life could be more than it is now. its a promise that they can do hard things too, things that seem impossible.

so i can do this. i love you darling and i am doing this for you and because of you.

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I’m so sad. Everything is hard. I want to hide from the world bc it’s a lot. I wish I could live a simple life. I wish doing this didn’t feel like an insurmountable challenge. I’m on the couch and under a blanket. I can’t even clean. I made my dog go under the blanket with me because I didn’t want to be alone.

I want to cry. I want to do the last decade over again. I wish I knew then what I knew now.

The truth is that I can make my life what I want it to be. I really can. I just feel like I can’t.

I wish I had some life changing Mary Oliver quote I could tattoo on my brain and fix it.

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Lesbianism runs absolutely rampant all over evermore...

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𝖠𝗋𝗍 𝖻𝗒 𝖠𝗇𝗇𝖺-𝖫𝖺𝗎𝗋𝖺 𝖲𝗎𝗅𝗅𝗂𝗏𝖺𝗇 | 𝖨𝖦: 𝖺𝗇𝗇𝖺𝗅𝖺𝗎𝗋𝖺_𝖺𝗋𝗍

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WHICH ONE OF YALL MADE THIS 😂😂😂

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Gloria: Okay, but what if we went to dinner not as friends this time?

Barbie: AS ENEMIES?! 💔

Gloria:

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me anytime they had a scene together:

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This would help a lot of people, and it's one of the reasons it's so important to push back against the "but the parties are equally bad, so you shouldn't bother voting" type rhetoric.