#there were planes going over head throughout and i was like...guys ..u have to play glory right nao

[lucky-draws]

15.7.23

[hannie-dul-set]

araw-araw [na jaemin]

(EVERY DAY)

part of “the puhon playlist” collection

SUMMARY | mahiwaga— someone or something that you’ll choose every single day no matter the circmstance. and for you, that was na jaemin. even if time decides to set you apart PAIRING | na jaemin x female! reader GENRE | childhood friends to lovers! au, college! au, romance, slow-ish burn, fluff, humor, tiny angst, biology major jaemin and art major mc HEHE WARNINGS | excessive swearing, insecurities, some sex jokes LMAO, i project a lot in this i’m sorry JSFJG WORD COUNT | 14.5k TAGLIST | @prettyjaems @lcvemark @shra-vasti @danishmiilk @probablygonnahurtsomebody @jccv @rebel-lious-alien @dalkomhanchocolateicecream @kthpurplesyou @fullsuhnshine​ @dejvns @nctzun @sweetjaemss @sehunniepot @wownajaemin @emoshishi @holywaterbetch @ukiyoneo @injunified @huangxx​ @jaehyunnie3​ @nct-writers​ @czennienet​ @neowritingsnet​ @kpopscape​

a/n: HERE IT IS.... MY PRIDE AND JOY JHSFJSD gahh okay i’m gonna keep my rambling to a minimum but this fic is very close and very dear to my heart and if it isn’t obvious that i’m in love with jaemin then this fic will make it obvious LMAO

also do yourself a favor and listen to ben&ben’s araw-araw on loop while reading this!! adds to the ~vibe~ hehe

Five-thirty-seven in the morning, grey clouds stretching throughout the sky as you peeked outside the window, falling right above oceans and buildings and people that you couldn’t even see. You sighed as you sank deeper into your chair, closing your eyes and adjusting your earbuds to clear your thoughts that were brought about by your sudden move.

You felt a nudge from beside you, coming from your mother (your dad was long knocked out since earlier), and so you politely pulled the earbuds away. “Excited to come back to Korea?” she asked. You simply responded with a smile and hum.

It wasn’t like you didn’t like the idea of returning— it was the prospect that it did not even feel like you were returning in the first place. Indifference was what you felt. After moving to Los Angeles when you were twelve because of your father’s job, you had to say goodbye to all your friends living in your hometown, all the traditions and customs that you were used to, and all the memories that you have built up in order to get used to a new environment. Seven years later when you thought you were just about to fit in with the west, your father comes out with the news of going back to Seoul again.

So it was difficult to manage a full smile.

You had a thought as you looked down through the window, recognizing a few of the landmarks that stood out: how strange it was to have somewhere that used to be home feel so foreign.

Just as you were about to put in your earbuds back in, your mother suddenly brightened, looking at you with a large smile on her face, eliciting your curious gaze.

“Oh! Do you still remember your old friend Jaemin?”

A smile tugged at your lips. How could you forget him?

Na Jaemin. Nana. Jaems. Your childhood best friend for six years until you were forcibly shipped all the way to LA. You still remembered how hesitant you were to tell him that you were moving because you didn’t want him to cry— only to have you crying and refusing to let go of him until your parent's pried you off of him at the airport. He assured you while wiping away your tears that you’d still get to see him one day.

Maybe that day would actually be one of these days.

“Yeah,” you mumbled, fiddling with the drawstrings of your jacket. “Why? I haven’t been in contact with him for years now.”

“His mom and I talked the other day and I told her that we’re moving back! And just earlier, she told me that Jaemin volunteered to pick us up from the airport so we won’t have to take a cab. Isn’t that great? You’d get to be reunited with your old friend again.”

“Ah,” you paused for a moment, in thought, just before pressing your lips together into a tight smile. “Yeah, it would be nice to see him again.”

That was what you said, but even until you left the plane, lugging your baggage across the cold floors of the airport with your music at full volume to drown out the noise, you were actually rather conflicted about meeting him again. A lot could happen within seven years, and therefore there was no assurance that things would still be the same. You weren’t sure if he’d still be the same sweet boy that was determined to fight the park swings after you fell and cried, if he’d still be the same kid that stopped talking to you for three days because you tricked him into eating a strawberry flavored lollipop. Maybe he’d still be, maybe he wouldn’t, but it was exactly that uncertainty that made you feel uneasy.

Still, there was still a hint of excitement, a string that tugged your heart away from all the uneasiness, just enough to bring a smile to your face at the thought of seeing him again.

“Y/N, let’s go?”

Your father called out to you and you didn’t even realize that you have actually stopped walking amidst your musings.

“Oh, yeah I—” you stumbled in between the ever moving airport crowd, looking down to see your shoelace had become undone, and so you let go of your suitcase. “You two go ahead, I’ll catch up in a sec!”

You ducked down, right beside the large, grey case to fix it, lips pursed in concentration. People passed by without minding you too much, but at one instance, just as you had finished retying your shoelace, your suitcase moved away from you with a shadow looming from above. Panic struck, and so you jolted up, instincts forcing your hand to move, quickly grabbing the handle. There was another hand resting on it. Your eyes moved up to meet with the culprit's.

Weirdly enough, he was just as shocked as you are.

Even weirder— he looked way, way too attractive to be a thief. Or maybe that was the modus these days? Still, you harshly dragged back the suitcase, ripping it away from his grasp with a glare. “What the fuck—”

At that moment, you recalled your mother’s words. Jaemin volunteered to pick us up from the airport. This guy looked a little too much like your old friend from your old neighborhood.

It felt like you were looking into the exact same large, dark eyes that used to be always accompanied by a pretty smile, now matched by a mouth hanging slightly agape from surprise. He even had the same dark hair that always messily fell over his eyes. There was a moment of pause in between the rush of bodies, the both of you in a frozen trance staring at each other until you had finally realized that motherfucker— this was Na Jaemin.

When did he get so hot?

“I—”

He flashed you a smile. The same damned smile. It brought you to the conclusion that seven years really didn’t do anything except make him far too attractive for his own good. All of a sudden you felt self-conscious about your own appearance as you gawked at him. God really liked to play favorites, huh?

You could see him say something, his lips moving just enough to represent a few words, but it was muffled thanks to the blaring music. Your confusion reflected clearly on your face contorting, and Jaemin only shook his head and laughed before reaching his hands to your face, bringing you to a momentary halt of haywire because what the actual fuck was he doing.

“You shouldn’t listen to music too loudly in public,” he said, pulling your earbuds out of your ears and gingerly placing them into your open palms with a smile. Holy fuck, his voice got so deep. “I’ve been calling out to you since earlier, but you couldn’t hear. Let’s go, your parents are waiting.”

Before you could even try to recollect yourself from the sudden crashing of events, Jaemin took your suitcase in your stead, leading you to his car.

If you still weren’t sure whether or not this was Na Jaemin from your past, you were now because although a bit watered down, he was just as excessively weird and sweet as he was ages ago. You found yourself feeling stupid for even doubting it in the first place. Of course, he was still the same; he even chirps your name in the same way as he always did before.

“There we go,” with a huff, the trunk came to a close. He threw your suitcase in there after seeing your mini struggle episode with far too little effort for your peace of mind. “You should just ask me next time. Okay, Y/N?”

“Thanks,” you gave him a small nod, flustered when he pinched your left cheek while making a questionable noise, and he opened the car door for you to enter.

Maybe it was you that had changed.

You were fairly quiet throughout the car ride while your parents and Jaemin decided to catch up after everything, only listening and giving your reactions whenever needed. You weren’t a morning person and your jetlag wasn’t doing you of any help either.

“You’re in your third year, right Jaemin?” your father asked, sitting at the front seat as your mother and you sat behind.

“Yep, yep,” he happily replied.

“Time really does fly fast, doesn’t it?” your mother joined in. “What uni do you go to, Jaemin?”

“Ah,” he sounded, eyes still directed on the road. “NCT U. It’s the closest at home, and I didn’t really wanna move out.”

“Oh, what a coincidence! Y/N isn’t that where you’re planning on going, too?”

“Really?” you could see Jaemin’s eyes brighten from the mirrors. “Y/N, do you want me to help you with your requirements? Have you enrolled already? I can give you a tour if you want!”

He’s really the same. You thought, smiling. “It’s fine, Jaemin. I already enrolled and took care of everything online.”

“But I should still tour you, though!” he retorted, the pout and whine evident in his voice. “The campus is really big so you might get lost. Ah, but aren’t universities in the States much bigger? I can also introduce you to some of my friends if you like.”

Jaemin went on for a while, telling your parents not to worry and promising that he’d take care of you throughout your college life here in Korea despite your protests that you could very much take care of your own self. Eventually, your mother asked about his major, and his animated expressions dimmed down into a slight bashfulness after answering that he was taking biology. You joined the conversation upon hearing that. “You said back then that you wanted to be a surgeon, right?”

With a shy smile, he nodded, and at that moment you felt a rush of awe for your childhood friend. Your parents seemed to have reacted the same way seeing as he was growing a little more embarrassed. It was amazing how he held on to the same dream he held since he was a kid— the amount of passion and dedication he must have for it. You on the other hand—

“What about you, Y/N?”

You jumped at the sudden subject switch. “Oh, I’m—” a pause in your statement. “I’m… taking an arts course.”

“Wow! As expected, Y/N is as cool as always,” he doted, which caused you to flush.

“It’s— it’s not really that amazing, it’s just the only thing I’m kinda good at so—”

“No, no, no. Y/N, you shouldn’t say that,” he scolded, clicking his tongue while his hands remained on the wheel. Your mother was beside you yet he was the one doing the mom nagging. “Who is that again? Bob Ross? Leonardo DiCaprio? You’re gonna be much much much better than them someday, I just know it! I have something called Nana vision, you know.”

You stifled a quiet laugh, not having the heart to correct him that it was not DiCaprio. “Does your Nana vision also see that we’re already almost at the complex?”

“Oh!”

At your words, Jaemin’s attention was now a hundred percent back on driving, profusely apologizing for getting distracted. You could see his ears slightly reddening from your seat which lasted until the end of the drive. Jaemin helped your family carry everything to your apartment on the eighth floor, even volunteering to help you unpack. Your mother firmly declined, however, insisting him to take a rest after all his help, but she did invite him and his parents over for dinner tomorrow. A little reunion of sorts.

“Six in the evening, right?”

“Yes. You should head back home now, Jaemin. Thank you for everything.”

He shot a bright smile before readying to march outside. “We’ll be here by five!”

She laughed at him, shaking her head, and proceeded to look for you inside the mess of the living room. You were about to disappear inside your room, luggage in hand to unpack, but she quickly dragged you back by the ear. “Go see him out the door!” she whisper-yelled, and so you did. Fortunately, he was stopped by your father before he got to leave, so you took this opportunity to smoothly stride beside him as he slipped past the door when he said goodbye. The door clicked to a close. He raised a brow at you.

“Mother’s orders,” you answered.

“So you wouldn’t have gone out if she didn’t tell you to?” he huffed, pouting. “And I was really happy to see you, too. I think I might have to take that back.”

You rolled your eyes at him, laughing, and eventually you made it to the end of the hallway. “Too late. You can’t take back your happiness. It’s good to see you again, Jaemin.”

The both of you stopped right in front of the elevator, and you waited for him to depart, but he didn’t. He had his arms crossed over his chest, accompanied by an expression on his face that you couldn’t quite tell if it was hurt, disappointment, or offense. Probably all three. Definitely all three.

“What? are you putting up a wall between us? Don’t I mean anything to you anymore?” he groused, nose scrunching. “What happened to Jaems? Nana? Y/N, you’re seriously hurting me over here.”

Laughing at the way he was sticking his frown right into your face to prove his point, you playfully shoved him off, pushing him into the elevator after all of his complaints even though he was the one moving his feet, anyway. You missed him, that much you could conclude, therefore you decided to stop his whining just before the elevator doors came to a close.

“See you tomorrow, Nana.”

You grinned, not missing the way his eyes lit up in between the small gap. You really did miss him, and you were lucky enough to have him as a small memory to remind you that this place was indeed home.

Maybe it wasn’t just Jaemin that you had missed. The entire family was just a smack in the face of early childhood nostalgia that you nearly cried (thank god you didn’t) when Mrs. Na buried you into a bone crushing hug the moment she saw you when you opened the door. You were really happy to be back— even when you weren’t exactly sure before.

“Mom, I think you’re suffocating, Y/N,” Jaemin pointed out as he left his shoes in front of your doorstep, walking inside with his father following behind him.

“Oh my, I’m so sorry, Y/N. I just couldn’t believe that this is you!” she coddled, and somewhere in between Jaemin found himself beside you. “I think I have pictures of you two when you were younger, hold on—”

Mrs. Na was pushed forward by her husband as she dug through her phone for a decade old Facebook posts of you and Jaemin (you hoped she wouldn’t remember you had an entire album). The older man ruffled your hair as he passed by with a fond smile, disappearing into the dining table where your parents were preparing and leaving you and Jaemin behind.

He was looking at you. Questionably so.

“What?”

“It’s not fair,” he whined. “I didn’t get to hug you yesterday.”

Oh my god, you shook your head, grabbing the sleeve of his mint jacket and leading him to where your parents were to help. “You’ll have more opportunities, you loser. It’s not like I’m going anywhere.”

Jaemin was speechless for a moment as he let you drag him along, but a happy smile broke through and he matched your steps halfway.

“Yeah,” he agreed. You weren’t going anywhere.

Dinner followed the usual sequence of events: reminiscing about the past, asking both parties what they have been up to, and of course talks about the future. During the meal, Jaemin asked when your classes were starting (next week), and he proposed his promised tour to be held this Tuesday— two days from now�� because he didn’t have a lot of classes that day. He wouldn’t take no for an answer, neither did your parents, so you ended up agreeing.

Unfortunately for you, your mother pulled out the ancient photo album of the past right after dinner, and the stark contrast between yours and Jaemin’s reactions were also album worthy. By the end of it, you were sure that smoke was emitting from your ears because your good friend had an affinity with screaming over how cute you were, even going as far as stealing one of your baby pictures right before they decided to make their leave.

“Ah, ah,” he pulled the photo away the moment he sensed your attempt of theft. You two were standing right in front of the open door, his parents already having left ahead. “I’m keeping this. You look so cute here.”

“How am I so sure you won’t blackmail me with that!”

An offended gasp. “I would never,” he took out his phone, inserting your picture inside his colored phone case with you watching his every move. “It’s for me to see only, so you don’t need to worry.”

You looked at him. Then to the phone that he was holding up with a confident smile. You let out a sigh.

“Fine,” you begrudgingly relented, and he waddled over to you with a big smile on his face to envelop you into a hug. He smells nice, you thought, reciprocating the embrace. Wait, isn’t this my perfume? That would explain what he was doing inside your room earlier. You could only sigh inwardly let him keep on hugging you. He was whining about it earlier, after all.

It lasted long, maybe a bit too long because his dad came back to fetch him.

“Mhm, you can trust me with anything, Y/N,” Jaemin mumbled before finally pulling away, his hands still resting on your shoulders as he did. “Anyway, before I go— should we exchange phone numbers?”

Tuesday came by, and you were met with two realizations. Both of which made you feel very very small in comparison.

One, NCT U was really freaking big.

Two, Na Jaemin was really freaking popular.

Granted, he had only shown you around the STEM department, but with every turn that you took and every hallway that you passed through, there was least one person that stopped by to say hi to him. Even some of the teachers were close with him. You should have expected it considering he was literally nice, smart, handsome, and everything you could ever ask for, but it still made him feel just a tiny bit out of reach.

“Are you feeling tired?” he asked, breaking away from a conversation with a senior. He put a hand over your shoulder with concern that reflected in his eyes. “We can take a break around the benches if you want.”

“Yeah, sure. After you—”

“I’ll talk to you later, hyung. See you around.”

Jaemin waved off his older friend, Yuta, you had overheard, and proceeded to lead you to the aforementioned area on the ground floor before stopping by a vending machine to get some drinks. You pressed your lips together, feet shuffling as you waited behind him, and then you finally decided to speak. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“Do what?” he asked, slotting in a few coins into the machine.

“You— you with your friend,” you fumbled, trying your best to speak your mind, but how were you supposed to say ‘cut your conversation short with your friend because of me’ without seeming like a total headass? You could have waited until they were finished.

With a soft smile, he passed a canned, carbonated drink into your hands— lemon, you read— and took one for himself. He didn’t answer your incomprehensible question and decided to walk across the field leading to a bench area, but you were sure he got what you were trying to say. He simply chose not to answer. Or did he? Hell, you didn’t even know anymore. Annoyed, you decided to gulp down the drink in one go to distract yourself, even when the bubbles stung your throat. Jaemin stared at you in horror.

“Were you that thirsty? You should have told—”

“Na Jaemin!”

In sync, your heads snapped towards the direction of the ear-ripping screech, which was quite coincidentally where you two were headed. There were two boys sitting on a bench, one more on the table with a guitar. You assumed that it was one of them that screamed out your friend’s name— probably the one that was making eye contact with him before dramatically turning away with a butchered sob.

“Na Jaemin! Traitor of the brotherhood! I remember when he would still come running the moment I call his name but now— forgotten for dust! He doesn’t care about us anymore, Renjun. He even has a new—”

“What are you on about this time, Haechan?”

Haechan’s evidently fake sobbing stopped, pushing away the boy that he had just been crying into moments prior. “Oh you’re here,” he deadpanned.

It was almost horrific how three pairs of eyes immediately zeroed in on you as you meekly hid behind Jaemin, causing the hairs at the back of your neck to stand as if you were about to die in a fucking horror movie. You could tell from that alone that despite having many friends, these guys were probably his closest— whether it was better or worse, you had no idea. All of a sudden you were dawned with the intimidating task of trying to get them to like you, which was already way too out of reach because the one with the guitar was practically ripping you to shreds with his eyes alone.

“Please stop trying to scare, Y/N. Jeno, you might actually make her cry, stop that.”

“Whoops,” Jeno stopped his death staring. “Hyuck initiated it.”

“Actually it was Renjun, but whatever,” before Renjun could even bite back after being falsely accused, Haechan had already blocked him off and had directed his attention towards you, legs crossed and a critical gaze. “Fuck formalities. Y/N, right? Who are you and why are you trying to steal—”

“Alright, no more scare tactics. Y/N, there are my friends, Jeno, Haechan— or Donghyuck, whichever you prefer, he doesn’t mind— and Renjun. They’re just trying to mess with you, don’t worry. Friends, this Y/N L/N, my childhood friend for like four, five years before she left Korea and moved to LA.”

The term childhood friend lit a spark within the three boys, but before they could do or say anything dangerous that would jeopardize your relationship, Jaemin the ever popular boy was called out by a group of girls. He excused himself to leave for a moment, but not before apologizing to you a million times over (“If you’re really sorry,” Renjun chided before he ran off. “Treat us and Miss Y/N to Kun’s, yeah?”). He agreed without even hearing him properly, and now you were left with his three friends that felt more like three sharks that circled around you. They were fucking out for blood.

“So,” the moment Jaemin disappeared from the parameter, Haechan pulled you to the bench in between him and Renjun with a devilish grin. “Childhood friend, huh?”

Your eyes snapped over to Renjun who was on your right to ask for a way out of this, but the guy was busy filming the entire thing on his phone. Why did Jaemin leave you behind? You had no chance of escaping. Haechan locked you down by swinging his arm around your neck just as you were about to stand. He signalled at his friend who was sitting on the table. “Jeno, drop the beat.”

There was a moment of miscommunication in between because instead of dropping the beat like Haechan asked, Jeno started strumming a sickeningly sweet tune on his guitar. Or maybe that was what he intended. Either way, Haechan was flexible enough to go along with it.

“You know what they say about childhood friends,” another strum. Haechan sang. Was this a fucking oration? “You either end up forgetting each other, hating each other, or you end up toge—”

“That is not—”

“Hush!” he silenced. Renjun was losing it at the side. So was Jeno, because the guitar tune was long replaced by fits of strangled laughter. “It is, clueless Y/N. It is. How many childhood friends have you met that stayed as childhood friends? None, I assume. I’m never wrong, you see.”

“Weren’t you and Mark childhood friends, too—”

“Shut the fuck up, Huang. This isn’t about me. Y/N, listen.”

Grabbing your shoulders, Haechan pulled you away from Renjun, the sudden movement nearly giving you a whiplash.

“From my expert calculations, you and Jaemin are undeniably going down route three, but the both of you are moving at an agonizingly slow pace, correct?” you stared at him, wide eyed, and he was staring right back. “Correct! Now, in order to speed things up a bit, all you have to do is follow Hyuck’s five step guide on How To Trap Your Childhood Friend Into—”

“Isn’t this the same guide that ruined your—”

“I said shut the fuck up!”

The two ended up quarrelling and you ended up being forgotten. You weren’t sure whether to be thankful or be offended. Jeno shot you a look of remorse on behalf of his friends, bringing you to the conclusion that this must have been a normal occurrence. Your eyes shot towards the sky, clouds covering the sun just enough so you wouldn’t be blinded, ears picking up the argument occuring that went back and forth on both of your sides. They’re a lively bunch, you breathed out, a subtle smile on your face.

Eventually Jaemin showed his face again, jogging over to your group and you greeted him with a beaming grin. “You guys seem to be getting along,” he said the moment he stopped before you.

“Oh, Romeo returns,” Renjun decided to stop picking a fight with Haechan. “Where’d you get dragged off to this time?”

There was silence, all four sets of eyes heavily sparked with curiosity as you waited for Jaemin’s response, but the boy was rather hesitant. “Well—” he fumbled, a faint baby pink blush powdering his cheeks. Sheepish, he continued. “Someone confessed to me.”

The first person that reacted was Jeno, who released a loud snort and scooted a little more forward. “Shouldn’t you be used to it by now?” Jaemin indignantly refuted as he continued to be teased by the other two boys, the remaining uncharacteristically not joining in. At that very moment you could feel Haechan looking at you, a gaze that you couldn’t quite put a finger on but it was enough to shoot him a glare back.

“Who was it? Is she pretty?” you chose to ignore the annoying male beside you and decide to focus all of your interest and attention on Jaemin instead.

“Jiah,” he mindlessly answered, pushing Haechan to the side so he could sit next to you. “From nursing? I think?”

“Dude,” you turned your head to Renjun. “Kang Jiah? Holy shit, that’s crazy.”

Noticing the lost look in your eyes, Renjun proceeded to explain that not only was the alluded Kang Jiah arguably the prettiest in her department, she was at the top of her class too. You didn’t understand which part about that was crazy because for you, that was exactly the kind of person that Jaemin was destined to end up with. You wouldn’t be surprised if they do become a thing— well, there was only one way to find the answer to that.

“Well, what did you say? You said yes right?” you asked him, looking forward to his answer.

“Oh,” he shrugged. “I turned her down.”

What?

“Of course,” Renjun scoffed, shaking head with his arms crossed. “Only you would turn someone like Jiah down. At this rate you’ll end up dying an old hermit.”

“You have a crush on her or something?”

“Pff— no? I just think she’s pretty,”

“You’re not fooling anyone, dumbass. Come over here, I’m gonna squeeze it out of you—”

While the two quarrelled again in the middle of the field with Jeno being the one filming this time, you remained frozen in your seat, somewhat surprised. Huh, you blinked, wanting to ask him why he turned her down but frankly it was none of your business. You turned your head to face him. “Wow, I didn’t expect you to turn into such a heartbreaker, Jaems.”

He clicked his tongue, face scrunched into a bitter look of disapproval as reached out to mess up your hair. “Stop thinking weird thoughts,” he scolded. “Instead, why don’t I finally take you to the art building?”

Your eyes immediately lit up after the mention, and he stifled a laugh at your reaction, patting your head once more before sneaking off without the other three’s knowledge.

Jaemin’s tour of the whole campus actually deemed to be pretty useful because after three whole weeks of going to NCT U, you’d only gotten lost seven times— pretty remarkable if you do say so yourself. Within those three weeks, you had actually expected that your old childhood friend would leave you off on your own once you got used to everything, but no. He tried his best to meet you in between classes even though your buildings were nowhere near each other, and the times when he couldn’t, he’d never failed to call or text you. “I promised your parents!” he reasoned, but you weren’t sure if that promise included asking you if you’ve eaten breakfast every morning.

“Breakfast?”

You repeated into the phone as you and your recently made friend Soorim walked to your Visual Studies class. You’d met her during your first week and the both of you immediately hit off. It was nice to have someone else other than Jaemin and his friends, but of course you appreciated their company, too.

“I, uh, actually haven’t eaten— no wait! Before you nag me, I have a valid excuse, okay!” Soorim gave you a sidelong glance, curious and suspicious over your loud phone call so she tried to lean her ear closer to the device but you quickly evaded without even looking at her. “Listen, I was in a hurry to school! I actually planned on grabbing a bite on the way but I… forgot my wallet because again, I was in a hurry and— no, shut up, you don’t have the right to scold me for this, too! You literally left your report at home yesterday and I had to walk all the way back to save your butt so you’re no better, Mr. Na.”

Without even realizing, you were already in front of the doors to your classroom, and so you hurried a goodbye to Jaemin just before you and Soorim took your seats at the near back.

“Alright, I’m in the classroom now. See you later. Yes, I’ll eat after, yes, I promise to double check my wallet from now on. Bye.”

The moment you settled on your seat, setting your phone and backpack aside, Soorim swiveled her chair to face you, legs crossed, hands resting with poise on her thigh, and she batted her eyelashes expectantly. You ignored her, twisting open your water bottle because it was the only thing you had that could somewhat silence your crying stomach.

“So,” she started anyway. The bottle opening was hovering over your lips. You narrowed your eyes at her. What the fuck was she doing. “When are you introducing me to your boyfriend?”

You choked while drinking.

“Boy— what,” with a grimace, you ripped away the bottle from your face, slamming it down on the table. You looked at your friend in disgust. “If I had one I wouldn’t be hanging out with you.”

Soorim rolled her eyes, sneering at you. She held up her hand to the side of her face, all fingers closed except for her pinky and her thumb, shaking it a little. You sighed.

“He’s a friend.”

“The same friend that kept on calling you during our night out because he was worried?”

“Yes, well,” your sweat dropped. “He’s just like that, you know?”

“Sure,” she scrunched her nose, haphazardly throwing her giant notebook on the table. There was a brief moment of quiet that overtook because Soorim decided to stop egging on you as you waited for your professor, but that quiet only lasted for a while. She nudged you, and you looked up from your desk. “Oh, look who's coming.”

Huang Renjun sauntered in with an expression not fitting for a “good morning” greeting, so you chose to remain silent and simply stare at him in judgment as he settled right before you and Soorim, plastic bag in hand and binder in the other. What shat in his coffee this early in the morning?

“This is all your fault,” with a grunt, he dropped the bag filled with all sorts of food and snacks right in front of you, immediately pulling out a chair and sitting his ass onto it after. “My plans of turning up late are ruined because of you.”

Your eyebrows furrowed, picking out a small container of strawberry milk from the bunch. How was this your fault? Furthermore, what exactly was all of this?

“Ooh, you making moves on Y/N, Huang?” Soorim, on the other hand, was digging into the rest of the goods, stealing a bun filled with red bean paste with a happy smile.

“Ew, as if.”

Renjun fake gagged, earning a look of offense from you which he completely ignored and disregarded. He took a box of pepero from the pile, shooting you a smug look before adding.

“It’s from Nana.”

(“You’re at school already? It’s very early. You’ve eaten breakfast, right?”

At a convenience store nearby the school, Jaemin and Renjun decided to eat their first meal there. Though, it appeared that the latter was the only one doing all the eating because his friend seemed to be far too preoccupied with his conversation on the phone to even notice that he took some of his sushi right in front of his face. Renjun silently chewed as he watched the colors on his friend’s face change at each sentence.

“Aish, it’s the most important meal of the day for a reason. How many times do I have to tell you—”

Another piece of sushi stolen. He wondered how far he could get away with it.

“Y/N, I—”

Jaemin let out a long sigh, causing Renjun to drop the food back onto the plate, retracting his chopsticks back to his own food— a bowl of ramen noodles that he had still yet to finish. He discreetly slurped it down as if he hadn’t been stealing since earlier. He was sure that Jaemin noticed though, but knowing his friend, he probably just let him. Renjun noticed the small pout on Jaemin, eliciting his curiosity.

“Okay,” he’s whining, Renjun concluded. “See you later.”

The moment Jaemin shut off his phone, Renjun expected him to say something, to air out why the fuck he was being all that this early in the morning, maybe even tell him what the call was about like a friend would, but no. Instead, Jaemin promptly stood up from his seat, disappeared into the limited selection of isles in the store, basket in hand, and started throwing a mountain full of food with a scrunched out, concentrated expression. Renjun had his mouth hanging open, brows knitted together, and wondering what in the ever loving fuck was going on with his friend as he stared at him pay for everything at the counter.

He sat back, eyeing Jaemin as he returned in front of him, who placed the full bag on top of the table as he took a seat.

“The hell?” a particular carton caught Renjun’s eye, and he immediately fished for it in primal disbelief. “Strawberry milk? You literally hate strawberries and milk separately yet you’re buying them combined? Are you sick?”

Jaemin did not answer. In fact, he dismissed the question completely with a smile, deciding to ask one of his own.

“It’s almost time for your first class, right? Visual Studies?”

At that point it hit him— the call, the food, the stupid behavior of his friend. It was completely obvious.

“Oh,” Renjun dropped the drink back onto the table. “Oh my god, you’re so fucking whipped.”)

“Shut up.”

After hearing Renjun’s story, you couldn’t look at all the multicolored snacks laid in front of you without heating up a million degrees anymore. It was ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous.

“You’re just messing with me, shut up.”

Renjun scoffed. “Why would I even make up something so stupid? C’mon, Y/N. You know I’m way better than that.”

You couldn’t argue that this wasn’t something Jaemin would do. No, because this was exactly something sickly sweet Jaemin would do and your sad attempt of denial was simply because your heart might actually run away if you admit it to yourself. And as if to give you more assurance or to fluster you even further, your phone vibrated, causing you to jump in your seat. Before either of the two’s nosiness could take a peek, you quickly snatched your phone, leaning your chair all the way back to read the message.

[<nana3: never skip breakfast okok?!? u don’t have your wallet right? wait for me in front of the bio building later. let’s eat lunch together 🥰💚]

Dear lord Jesus, have mercy on your soul. Renjun took your squeak as a sign of victory.

“Wait a minute,” Soorim looked at you wide in a sudden moment of epiphany. “Nana as in Na Jaemin? The fucking Na Jaemin? Is he the friend you’ve been mentioning? The guy you were calling and bought all this? Holy fuck, Y/N—!”

Your body moved before you could think and you thanked god that your professor wasn’t here yet because you would have caught the entire class’ attention when you leaped forward to slap your hands over Soorim’s mouth.

Renjun’s excessive giggling brought you back to reality, pulling your hands off of her with a gasp and an apology. “Oh gosh, I’m so sorry.”

“What the fuck, why did you do that?”

“I don’t know, it felt like you were about to say something stupid!”

She gave a look, half done and half amazed at your willpower. You’d never been this fired up for anything. “Is it stupid to say that one of the hottest guys on campus is literally—”

“Stupid!” another slap on her mouth. Renjun was about to fall off his chair laughing. “You were going to say something stupid. Please don’t even think about finishing that.”

Lucky for you, your professor had finally come in. Unlucky for you, Soorim shot you the signature dirty stare which meant that you wouldn’t be let off that easily. How fun.

Class went on quiet and boring as usual— you’d never been one for technicalities, preferring heading straight into the creative process with nothing but inspiration coursing through your veins, so your professor’s voice was nothing but white noise running in the background as you busied yourself with your thoughts. Your eyes flickered to the floor, cheek resting on your palm, and you gazed down to the plastic back beside your backpack. Twirling your pencil between your fingers, you pulled out a scrap piece of paper, every move that you made triggered by nothing except the abstract flow of your mind.

There was only one person you were thinking of. The same person living inside your head the moment you stepped foot back into Korea, the same person that made you feel as if you were someone special out of all the eight billion people in the world, the same person that bought you three persons worth of food because he didn’t want you skipping breakfast, the same person that felt more like a dream than anything.

Mindlessly, you started sketching the face of your childhood friend, filling in all the details of his face that you could see whenever you closed your eyes, up until the bell rang that signalled the end of the class.

“Y/N! Your father and I are leaving, now!”

“There’s extra money on top of the fridge if you want to eat out.”

Saturday evening. Your parents decided to go out on a well-deserved date that night, leaving you alone inside your apartment. You saw them out the door, locking it up once they left, and as you pressed your back against the white washed wooden door, your eyes darted over to the clock hanging on your living room wall. Six-twenty-three. There were still a few hours until closing.

An art exhibition was to be held on the same evening, and this was the last day that the actual artist was going to be there. Free and you got to meet world renowned artist Ten Lee? You’d be insane not to go. Though, as you made your way into your room to change out of your raggedy old sweatpants and Jaemin’s (stolen) mint hoodie, you’d come to a realization that maybe the venue was too far for you to just walk. Your parents were using the car and it wasn’t like you could drive anyway. You could commute, but there was a better idea in your system.

Opening your phone, a smile involuntarily tugged at the corners of your mouth as you pressed the contact number that seemed to have never left your recents.

[you: nana! are you free rn? there’s an art exhibition out of town! i need a ride :p and you need some time off your studies too bcs i noticed youve been more tired than usual so good idea i think yes hehe]

As usual, he took no more than a minute to reply. But after lighting up when you saw his name flash on your screen, you bit down your bottom lip to prevent a frown from forming.

[<nana3: TT i’m attending a seminar for an org rn y/nie huhu i don’t know what time it’s ending so i’m not sure if i can make it 😫😭]

[you: it’s okay!! jhfdj sorry for disturbing u!! please listen well to the speaker hehe and tell me how it went]

[<nana3: i’m so sorry]

It was difficult to pinpoint how you exactly felt.

You chewed the inside of your mouth, staring at the phone screen. He shouldn’t be apologizing.

After shutting your closet door down to a close, you fell face down onto your bed, your phone thrown over to the side. Yes, you were disappointed, but it wasn’t what weighed you down; the actual reason feeling like a disgusting, throbbing feeling writhing underneath your skin after being suppressed for awhile now. It never left your system the moment you'd arrived, the moment he showed you what his life was like, making you realize the stark difference between you and him.

You couldn’t care less about the exhibition now. In fact, fuck that entire plan entirely. As you were loitering, fooling around, planning on going to pointless events that wouldn’t be of benefit to your future, Jaemin was there, making connections and decisions and taking a step further into life.

It made you wonder what exactly had you been doing these past seven years— what haven’t you been doing, what you should be doing. You were ashamed to admit it, but it plagued the back of your mind since you got here.

Jaemin was far too out of reach.

It made the wrench in your gut worse whenever he made an effort to not make you feel that way. He’d always include you whenever he’d be with his other friends, always made sure that you didn’t feel left out since you came here, whether it be by his little cute texts even though you were in the same room just to make you smile, or by giving you all of his attention despite the many people vying for his. God, you didn’t deserve him. You didn’t deserve to like him.

What did you deserve?

Just then, there was a knock on your front door, followed by a buzz from your phone.

[<nana3: open the door!]

And you did, scrambling out of your bed and nearly tripping over your feet as you ran just to swing it open. Jaemin stood before you with his hair tousled by the wind, a purple and orange varsity jacket covering his frame. He greeted you with brightened eyes.

“I thought you had—”

“I left early,” he smiled at you, walking inside. “Why aren’t you dressed yet? Hurry, I’ll wait here.”

You blinked at him as he passed you by to sit on your couch, unable to understand what led him to such a decision, staring as he stretched his arms over his head with a yaw. He shouldn’t have come here. “Jaemin, it’s just an exhibition, it’s not as important as your seminar.”

He raised a brow at you, stealing a pillow into his lap. “But you want to go, right?”

“Well…” you did want to go, even after your small episode earlier. “Yeah, but—”

“Then it’s more important.”

He smiled at you. You cursed at yourself for letting your heart dither.

“Besides, you actually think I’d let you go out alone this late at night?” Jaemin stood up from the sofa, resting his hand on top of your head with an affectionate gaze. “You should go change. Or maybe not. You look good in my clothes, anyway.”

It was cold outside, so Jaemin made sure that you were wearing enough layers so that you won’t get sick, forcing you back inside when he deemed that you weren’t covered enough.

“Jaem, I’m fucking sweating.”

You huffed as you lugged yourself to the front seat, but your padded winter coat was preventing you from making a smooth landing inside.

“Sweating is a good sign! That means you’re healthy,” noticing your struggle, Jaemin relented to leaving the coat at the back of the car, but keeping it there just in case. He got in after you, starting the car and turning on the radio for some background noise. “Reconnaissance Gallery Right? What’s the name of the show?”

“Mono,” you replied. “It’s by Ten Lee.”

“Oh! I remember you talking about him once,” he exclaimed. “We should hurry then.”

It was a generally quiet car ride, but the silence was welcomed. After asking where you wanted to eat dinner once you were done with the exhibit, Jaemin didn’t talk anymore. Your eyes followed the moving lights that were lit up all around the night scene, and from time to time they flickered over to admire the boy beside you who seemed to be far too engrossed with his driving. An unconscious smile grew, warmth fluttering inside. You were lucky enough to meet him again in this lifetime, even after being set apart for so long.

“Something wrong?”

He asked without looking. He must have noticed you staring.

“No,” you replied with a soft voice. “Just remembered how baby-faced you were back then.”

With a laugh, he shook his head, one hand stretched out to the steering wheel. “You’re one to talk. Alright, I think we’re here.”

You felt a rush the moment you went past the glass doors, met by a relatively large interior with walls painted either black or white and lined with numerous paintings that contrasted the wall they were hung on. With a large grin, you quickly tugged Jaemin’s arm deeper into the venue, your footsteps making hollow echoes inside the place. He was taken aback by your sudden action, heart racing when he felt your grip on him, never slowing down even when you stopped in front of one of the larger works in the exhibit. “Oh my gosh, I love this painting— wait let me take a picture.”

As you fumbled with your phone, Jaemin couldn’t help but stare at you as if you were a part of the exhibit itself. There were more people inside, yet he didn’t even notice them; paintings as pretty as the night sky, yet it was you that he couldn’t take his eyes off of. Your phone camera captured it with an audible click, and he took it as a signal to scramble and take his out too.

Click!

“The painting’s really pretty, right?”

He nodded at you. “Yeah,” it wasn’t the painting that he wanted to capture. He dug his phone back into his pocket after sneaking a brief glance at your excited grin behind the screen. It wasn’t every day that you smiled like this since you were usually reserved. He didn’t want to miss saving a memory. “You wanna walk around more?”

At his suggestion, you and Jaemin decided to move deeper into the exhibit. You knew he wasn’t that knowledgeable about art, but he still listened intently whenever you told him something about the strokes and composition of some of the works displayed. You hadn’t run into Ten Lee yet even after an hour of walking around and taking pictures, but you didn’t mind at all. Jaemin froze in front of a certain painting— the visage of what seemed to be a face formed together by different objects, drawn in a style similar to the rest with the black and white motif, graffiti-esque structure, and the overall whimsical and abstract feel to it. There was a smile on his face, you wondered what he was thinking about.

“One day, it’s gonna be your paintings that will be displayed here. You promise you won’t forget about me when that happens, okay?" he started, turning his attention to you. “You should also paint a portrait dedicated to me," he joked, nudging you a little.

You smiled at him. Jaemin noticed that this wasn’t your usual smile, but he chose to not say anything. “Okay,” you breathed out before looking down seconds before he could see your expression melt away. How was he thinking so highly of you when it was him who was too far to reach?

He was about to ask— he didn’t know what to ask— but he would say whatever just to erase whatever was bothering your peace of mind. But he wasn’t able to. In fact, just as he lifted a hand to rest over your shoulder as an act of comfort, your head shot up, turning to face the sudden eruption of a commotion that Jaemin had failed to notice in his worry for you.

“Holy crap,” you gasped. “Is that—”

Ten Lee, just a few feet away from you with cameras and crowd surrounding him. You wasted no time to run to him, grabbing Jaemin’s hand in a flash to drag him behind. His eyes softened upon seeing the excited bounce of your hair as you ran. At least your spirits were brought back up again.

Jaemin watched as you nervously fiddled with the hem of your jacket as you waited for an opening to talk to the famous artist, how you would stand on your toes to peek above the small crowd and stand back down again after feeling too shy. Eventually the crowd dissipated to only around four or five people. This was your chance. You looked at him Jaemin. He nudged you with his shoulder. ‘Go,’ he mouthed. You pressed your lips together before finally deciding to march up to the artist. He didn’t realize you have been holding his hands until you let go.

“A-ah, hi!”

He followed after you in case you were feeling too nervous, but he was relieved to see that Ten Lee was pretty down to earth and easy going for someone famous. He stayed a few steps behind you as he listened to the ongoing conversation.

“I can’t tell you enough how much I adore your works. Especially, Monarch! I took a picture of it earlier and it’s so much more captivating in person,” you said, watching as Ten signed your phone case. “Actually, I—I look up to you a lot as an artist. A few of my paintings were actually inspired by your style, but of course it— it would be an insult to compare.”

“You shouldn’t compare,” he scolded, adding in a little sermon about your art is yours and that it should stand alone as your own. He handed your phone back, a smile on his face. “Can I see?”

You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. In a flustered rush, you quickly scrolled through your gallery folders to find the specific paintings you were referring to, and Jaemin, out of curiosity, hovered over your shoulders to see as well. As you passed through your works with your friend’s mouth hanging open in awe (he wanted to gush about them, but figured this wasn’t formally appropriate), his eyes caught a glimpse of an image that you quickly swiped past— far too glaring too miss because he was sure that it looked something like his face. It was a different kind of pride that he felt when he saw that.

Ten’s eyes flickered as he saw through your paintings, something formulating within even after you hid your phone. He looked at you, grabbing your hands without any warning which caused you to squeak. “Y/N, right?” you nodded, wide eyed. “You know, I’m hosting an online gallery within the upcoming weeks. It’s for young, aspiring artists like you to be recognized at a larger scale.”

Hold on, you tried to catch on to what he was saying. Was he—

“Are you interested?”

—serious? Was he actually serious? It looked like he was because when he let go of you, a business card suddenly materialized in your hands. Holy shit.

“Think about it, okay? Just email me your portfolio and everything. Who knows, what if you get recognized and scouted after this?”

He winked at you, shooting you a thumbs up. This had to be a dream. You were still trying to process the piece of fucking paper that you were holding and now all of a sudden Ten came in between you and Jaemin, swinging his arms around your neck and giving you a pat on the back

“Anyhow, thanks to the both of you for coming to my show. And Y/N—” he looked at you with a grin. “Looking forward to your more of your works.”

Ten disappeared off with two other people, their footsteps clacking against the cold, tiled floor. You stared at the card in your hands for a few moments— Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul, it wrote— before snapping your eyes back to Jaemin who was wearing a far too large smile. “Oh my god.”

Jaemin wasted no time in drowning you into a hug, knocking the air out of your lungs when he nearly toppled you onto the ground.

“Y/N,” his voice was soft in comparison to the roughness of his actions, sweetly fluttering into your ears as he rocked you left and right with his squeezing embrace. “I’m so proud of you.”

His words nearly broke you down to tears.

“This calls for a celebration, right?” he pulled away, hand automatically falling to hold onto yours as he led you to the gallery’s exit. “My treat! I know a place nearby, we should eat an entire feast!”

“Nana, you already treated me to lunch last time, I can’t just—”

“No, no no! I’m treating you, okay? This is your achievement so I should congratulate properly.”

There was no point arguing with him when he already had his mind set, but even during your drive to a nearby barbecue place, even when you were already halfway with the meal, you kept on insisting that you’d pay him back for all of this someday. He’d only laugh it off, telling you that he doesn’t mind as long as you’re enjoying yourself. You downed a shot of soju after hearing that, hoping that it would make you forget momentarily about how fast your heart was beating.

Somehow the clock eventually struck nine, and rather than going home, the both of you took an impulsive detour to a nearby public beach. The sounds of waves crashing against the solemn quiet of the night was heard as you neared the area, bringing you to a moment of peace.

Instead of going to the sandy shore, you two decided to take a spot on the beach cliff right above the rolling water. “Be careful,” Jaemin whispered from behind as he guided you along the rocky surface, heating up from the way he was so, so close with his hands steady on your back. You two sat side by side on the cliff, underneath the veil of stars, with the ocean right in front of you.

“Are your parents okay with you staying out this late?” he cocked his head to face you in a manner that was far too cute for you to suppress a giggle.

“Jaems, they’d probably allow me to disappear off to Italy as long as you’re with me.”

The both of you broke into laughter, but it was eventually replaced by the noises of the ocean. You breathed in the salty scent of the sea, folding your knees to your chest with your arms hugging them together. For a moment your eyes flickered over to Jaemin, and a chord was strung, tugging your heart towards him, but it was impossible for it to leap out of your chest so it only rattled against your ribcage desperately just like the waves. You stared at the way his dark hair melted into the night sky, the wind brushing it away, the way he had his legs stretched out freely over the rocks while you squeezed yourself as small as you could get, and lastly, the way he flashed over to look at the exact moment that you wanted him to.

If there was such a thing as a perfect instance where the stars of the night sky aligned, it would be this.

“You know,” you started, letting your arms fall to your sides as you looked over to the distance. “I envy you sometimes.”

Jaemin was taken aback by your confession.

“I also admire you,” you pressed your lips together tightly, forming it into a smile. “A lot. I admire you a lot. To the point that it made me feel like you’re living in a completely different world from me and that I wasn’t deserving of you.”

You’d finally mustered up the courage to tell him everything you’d pent up during your first month back here— it was better than just letting it fester into something worse, even if there was a risk of completely ruining your friendship. It was better than playing pretend.

“We’re both only a year apart but it seems like you have your life all tied together while I’m still barely able to walk on my own two feet. I wouldn’t even have been able to go to the exhibit if it weren’t for you,” you crossed your legs, a mirthless laugh slipping past your lips as the wind brushed against your cheeks .“I don’t… want to seem ungrateful for everything you’ve done or make you feel bad or anything, because Jaemin—”

You turned around, looking at him.

“If I had the choice to stay back then, I would have gladly chosen to spend those seven years together with you.”

Jaemin stared at you, speechless, unblinking. He had a gut feeling that there was something bothering you all this time, but he never had thought that it would be this.

“But the feeling of seeing you again after all this time is a feeling that I wouldn’t trade for the world either,” you hummed, looking down as you traced the creases of the rocky ground with your fingers, a shaky breath slipping past you. “If only… I wasn’t just so insecure then maybe everything would be perfect.”

For a moment there was nothing— only the lulling sounds of the sea that became quieter after you laid your heart out to the ground. The next moment, Jaemin spoke up.

“I got into an accident four years ago.”

You shot up in a single instant.

Jaemin laughed a little, bringing his hand to the crown of your head in assurance. “I had a herniated disc which got worse during a dance camp. It was definitely scary, how it seemed like I was in a standstill for two years while everyone else carried on with their lives,” he continued, letting his hand drop once more right beside yours. “It’s hard to get out of that hopeless mentality. It takes small steps, but once you do, things will eventually start looking up.”

He shot you a smile, eyes twinkling under the light of the moon. You couldn’t help but put your head down after hearing everything.

“I understand how and why you’re feeling that way, don’t worry I’m not upset. You don’t think I am, right?” he caught you sniffling, leaning forward to take a look at your face but you kept on turning away. “Y/N— Y/N, look at me, okay? I’ll be your personal cheerleader from now on, yeah? Up until you realize that you’re actually greater than you think you are.”

He was too good to you.

“I’m— I’m sorry I couldn’t be there when you were having a tough time.”

You silently muttered, meekly sneaking a glance at him to see that he was actually smiling at you this entire time. He’d always been like this.

“It’s alright, you didn’t have a choice, right?” he assured. “And I’m all better now, as you can see. I can even jump off the cliff into the ocean without having a single scratch!”

Right, you managed a laugh from his silly proclamation. He lit up upon hearing you. Maybe you can try to be like that too.

“What’s important is that from now on.”

There had been a gap between the two of you that entire time, but Jaemin bridged it the moment his hand brushed against your skin, his pinky interlocking with yours against the coarse ground. You met his eyes. He shot you a smile. That same smile that you could never get enough of.

“You’ll be with me.”

“Jaemin, please put your shirt back on.”

When you walked back into the living room, easel and canvas in your arms, you did not expect to be met with your childhood friend-slash-boyfriend mid-strip. In fact you were far too in shock that you dropped everything to the floor at that exact moment, only managing to utter those previous words once you were busy picking them all back up and not looking at him. He quickly ran to help you.

“Oh, I thought this was—” he passed you a paintbrush, helping you stand back up once you’ve gotten everything. “Aren’t the models for your classes usually, like, naked?”

“You think I was gonna paint you nude?!”

“Well,” he mused, holding his shirt to his bare chest. “If you want— okay, sorry! Shirt on! Shirt on!”

You settled down the easel that you just threatened to launch at him near the window where the afternoon sunlight was leaking through. A few days prior, you had contacted Ten Lee regarding the online exhibit, asking when the deadline was because you wanted to include one more piece in your portfolio.

“Nana, can you sit over here?”

There was a stool situated a few feet in front of the easel and right beside the window. He did as you said, now fully dressed and sitting properly and well behaved. You marched up to him, moving around his limbs into a specific pose. Jaemin wore a subtle smile as you grabbed his arms to a certain position, his shoulders into a certain angle, and when your fingers landed on his jaw to adjust his head, he just couldn’t help but throw all your work out the window by pulling you towards him by the waist.

“What are you—” a kiss fell on your nose. Jaemin shot you a cheeky smile.

“Sorry,” he said. “I couldn’t help it.”

You weren’t inclined to do anything else but forgive him, even if it meant refixing him into position, but somehow you managed. Running back behind the easel, you wore a satisfied smile upon seeing the composition, flicking your wrist to start the initial sketch. There was music running in the background. Jaemin sat still for thirty whole minutes.

“Can I move for a sec?”

“Yeah, yeah,” you answered. “I got the basic shapes down anyway.”

He let out an amazed gasp, lips forming into an ‘o’ shape. “So cool,” he said, and you let out a little laugh.

You were trying to focus, but in between a few strokes of your pencil, he wiggled his eyebrows when you looked at him again. You threw your head down to suppress a barrage of giggles. “Okay, this is— this is going nowhere. Can I just take a picture of you?”

Even taking a shot of him was difficult because he just wouldn’t sit still. He’d always do something to make you laugh or smile just when you were about to take a picture. You scolded him, telling him that all you needed was a few takes then the both of you can make a run for some popsicles at the nearby store. He straightened upon hearing, and you finally got to do the job.

“Do you have a title in mind for the piece?” he asked, just as you finished taking the last photo of his face up close.

You did have one. In fact, you’ve had it in mind for a while now.

“Yeah,” you answered, smiling. “Mahiwaga.”

Haechan, for whatever suspicious reason, volunteered to treat you out to lunch today at a family restaurant near the uni. You did not know why, and he would not tell you why, but you could not pass up free food. You texted Soorim to follow just in case you needed mental support because as you sat across him, looking up from your phone while munching your fries to catch the terrifying stare he was giving you, you could tell that you needed at least one other person around.

[you: dude, i think hes actually planning on killing me please hurry up]

[soorim: omw babe]

[soorim: but ur paying for me right]

You sighed, telling her yes you already ordered her food, and she replied with an annoying heart that you refused to mark read. Just as you were about to shut off your phone, ready to hear whatever Haechan was brewing, another message was sent your way.

[<nana3: baby, i saw the exhibition!! 🤩 you know, you’re so amazing, you know?!?! nana is super super proud of you 🥺💚 and i’m sure your parents are, too!! i sent the link to all of my friends yesterday hehe. also i’ll call you immediately after my class, ok?? don’t forget to drink lots of water today 😚 byebye! 💚]

“Are you two fucking yet?”

Haechan’s question caused you to choke on your fries, dropping your phone to the table so you can reach for the glass of Sprite. You looked at him, appalled. “I’m sorry?”

“What are we talking about?”

Soorim had belatedly joined in the party, pushing you farther into the seat to make room for herself. Her eyes zeroed in on the table, choosing the giant burger to attack first. You scrunched your nose as you looked at her.

“We—”

“Whether Y/N and Jaemin have done the dirty yet,” Haechan interrupted. You looked at him in offense and horror. He reciprocated with a deadpan stare. “You have, haven’t you? I went to Jaemin’s house at four in the morning yesterday and—”

“Why were you at his house at four?!”

“Doesn’t matter.”

You looked at him in disbelief, scoffing, and you looked over to Soorim with the words ‘can you believe this guy?’ ready to fire from your tongue. You could not say it. Not when Soorim looked absolutely compelled by Haechan’s bullshit allegations. She even stopped scarfing down her food. You made a mistake in calling her up here.

“What matters is that he looked absolutely fucked out absolutely naked, but not only that!” a scrunchie. He pulled out a scrunchie from his backpack. That was yours. Even had your hair on it. “This is yours isn’t it? I’ve caught you red handed, Y/N, now answer me—”

Haechan’s eyes were out to kill.

“You wrapped it, right? I’m too young to be called Uncle Hyuck so please tell me you did.”

“We are not—”

“That explains why you were walking all weird yesterday!” Soorim exclaimed. “Y/N, you know you could tell me these things, right? There is no—”

“We are not fucking!”

This wasn’t the best conversation to have at a family restaurant.

A waiter stopped serving the table next to you, it’s occupants (that included three kids and their parents) froze and looked at you in horror. An innocent passerby spilled his drink on his tray. You sharply inhaled, bowing your head apologetically. Thank god there weren’t any managers here— the three of you might have actually gotten kicked out.

With a cough, you collected yourself, giving both of your companions the stink eye for putting you in such a compromising position. “Can I not sleep at my boyfriend’s place without— without doing anything of that sort?” you huffed, ignoring the red hot heat creeping up your neck. “And as a matter of fact, I was walking weird because I fell down the while lugging plywood up the stairs, so shut the fuck up.”

The two of them let out a shriek at the same time.

“Boyfriend?! And what— you fell off the fucking stairs?!”

“Did you do as I told you?! Did you follow Hyuck’s five step guide on How To Trap Your—”

“Quiet!”

You shushed the both of them before the three of you actually got kicked out.

“Yes, boyfriend. Yes, I fell off the stairs. No, I did not follow Hyuck’s guide to whatever,” you spitefully took a sip from your drink. “You never even told me what the hell that was.”

As Haechan started to further explain his guide with Soorim enthusiastically taking everything in, you were caught by the buzzing of your phone. The screen lit up. Someone sent you an e-mail— the sender you did not recognize at all. You wiped your fingers with some tissues on the table before taking the device, clicking on the notification immediately after.

“Right. After you tell him that you’re— hey! Y/N, are you even listening?”

You shot up. Haechan noticed the distraught look in your eyes. His brows furrowed together.

“What’s wrong?”

The following weekend, you went out and treated Jaemin to dinner at a fancy Chinese restaurant despite his many complaints. He was about to pay for everything again, but this time you were faster in stealing the check. Afterward, you stopped by a nearby hardware store to buy another two pieces of plywood. You’ve been painting a lot more frequently lately, and you’ve been experimenting more on larger scale works. It was fortunate that Jaemin was there to help you bring the large sheets of wood this time.

“There we go.”

Jaemin settled the wood resting upright against your living room wall, right beside a few stained cans of paint underneath layers of newspaper. You thanked him, smiling, and he ruffled the hair on your head.

“You should ask me whenever you need to do some heavy work alright? We don’t want a rerun of last time,” you cringed upon recalling. That wasn’t a pretty fall. “How are your legs? Have the bruises healed?”

“Almost. You don’t have to worry,” you assured him. He sighed in relief.

Dinner and a shopping trip weren’t the only reasons you called him out tonight. You had actually been meaning to tell him something within the past three days. Your parents knew, Haechan and Soorim found out during lunch last time, Renjun and Jeno might have already found out thanks to their loudmouthed friend. All that’s left was Jaemin. It was his reaction that would help you make the decision.

But why was it so difficult to start talking?

“I’m gonna head out now,” he hummed, pulling you into his chest. You bit down your lip, contemplating, and maybe he noticed your unease and hesitation, as if he could hear your unsaid thoughts, because he lightly pulled away to look at your face and spoke. “What is it? Do you wanna tell me something?”

Of course, you thought to yourself. He’d probably know you’re hungry before your stomach could even rumble.

You gently pried away his hands from your arms, a hollow smile directed to him. Concern flashed through his eyes, but he held back his tongue, waiting for you to say your mind instead.

“Yeah…” you started. “I— I do have something to tell you.”

That was what you said, but as the clock ticked a couple dozen times in the background, you still had yet to tell him. It wasn’t easy to tell him. Because you were afraid that the moment you opened your mouth to squeeze out a single word, you might not make it to finish the entire sentence. If it were him, this might have been easy. But you were not, so it took a little more effort on your part to let the words go.

Maybe you shouldn’t have looked him in the eye, because the moment you did, your eyes stung from the threat of tears and so you jerked your head to the side.

But you weren’t able to evade, because Jaemin decided to follow you. You turned away again, looking towards the unplugged television, but it was once again replaced by Jaemin’s dark brown eyes. Your eyes stung, your lips pressed together, and at that moment you couldn’t help but laugh at his ridiculous actions throwing your head down in the midst of it, but your laughter got choked up by the sudden streaming of tears that you had come unprompted.

Jaemin panicked.

“Hey, hey, baby, what’s wrong? What is it?” he ducked down to reach your face, cupping your cheeks with his large hands as you wiped away your tears. “It’s okay, you can tell me, baby. I’ll listen to everything, okay?”

It took you a while to regain your voice, but Jaemin patiently waited with words of consolation. You couldn’t understand how one person could have this much goodwill and kindness in them.

Eventually your sniffling died down, and so you finally willed yourself to speak. “I— I joined Ten’s exhibition, right? And— and there was a possibility that other artists or institutions might be interested in the participants, right?”

“Mhm,” he replied, stroking the back of your head as you tightly gripped the front of his shirt. “Go on.”

“I— I got scouted? You know PIOA? In Paris? They— they offered me a full scholarship if I…” you paused for a moment, biting the inside of your mouth. “If I transfer there for the remaining months until my last year.”

Jaemin took a while to absorb it, silence flooding along with your occasional sniffles.

“Isn’t that a good thing? Ah, ah, baby look at me, look at me,” he grabbed your shoulders, frowning when he made contact with your red stained eyes. He brushed your cheek with his thumb, heart heavy from seeing you like this. It pained him to see you this way. “Why are you crying? Don’t you want to go?”

A beat of silence. You swallowed, speaking in a small, shaky voice.

“Do you want me to go?”

Another beat of silence.

“Of course! Can you imagine that out of all the people that joined that exhibit, they chose you! Your talent and hard work shouldn’t go to waste,” Jaemin inhaled sharply in between his speech, managing a smile for you to see. “I’m really proud of you, Y/N. An opportunity like this doesn’t come that easily.”

“Jaemin.”

You softly sounded, letting your head fall into his chest. He held you close, as if you were leaving at that instant.

“You know I was so happy when we got in touch again, when I came back to Korea. I know I don’t have a lot going on for me, but I could easily forget all of that because I’m with you,” once more, you felt the tears start to rise up again, but you tried your hardest to swallow them down. “It hasn’t even been that long since we got reunited and now you’re… you’re just telling me to leave you again miles, miles away as if it’s nothing.”

“It’s not like that, Y/N. It’s hard for me too, you know,” he muttered into your hair with a slight whine, his chin resting over your head. “But it’s not like we’re never going to see each other again, right? We managed for seven years, what’s two or three more?”

When he heard you stifle a laugh, laughing despite your sniveling, he couldn’t help but laugh along too. Once more and perhaps the last that night, he pulled away so he could look at the smile on your face, eyes still red and watery, and he pressed a warm kiss on your forehead.

“You have nothing to worry about, baby. We can visit each other during breaks and—” he breathed out, lips curling into a smile. “I’ll call you every day.”

Right, you wiped away your remaining tears, huffing out a brief, airy chuckle.

You looked at him, hopeful, earnest.

“Every day?”

You asked.

“Every day.”

He answered.

You were never going to get used to airports. They always carried a bitter, cold air that signified a goodbye that you were far too familiar with. Today was no different.

“Don’t forget to drink your vitamins alright? It’s a new environment so you might need some time to get used to it. Oh! And—”

“Dude, you’re worse than her actual mom.”

Jaemin shot a smile to your mother at the mention, who was waiting for your group to finish from a distance with your father. Your mother was to stay with you in Paris for a week until you got everything settled down while the four boys, Soorim, and your father decided to send you off today. Though, unlike your usual experiences with leaving and returning, today was much louder, more rowdy. It was a nice change— you only wished that it would last longer.

“It’s okay, I appreciate the concern,” you laughed. “Do I have to report back to you everything before I go to bed?”

“Well, if you can,” Jaemin mused, locking his pinky finger with yours and swinging your hand into the air from side to side. “Kidding, kidding. I trust you’ll take care of yourself there.”

A chorus of gagging noises broke out when you pulled his shirt, burying your face into his chest, prompting him to smile and wrap his arms around you. You drowned them out, though, only focusing on how warm he was despite the cold brushing of the wind, how he held you with so much gentleness that one would think he was afraid that he might break you.

It was funny how free you felt when you were trapped inside his embrace.

“How many times do I have to say goodbye to you at the fucking airport?” you grumbled, tears welling up again and so you wiped them away with your sweater sleeve. “Wait, why aren’t you crying. Aren’t you even at the very least sad that I’m gonna leave?”

Jaemin chuckled, replacing your hand with his to brush away the stray tears.

“If I cry in front of you then you probably won’t even board the plane.”

You hated that he was right.

“I’ll do it after you leave,” he let out a laugh, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear. At that moment, the pre-boarding announcement rang throughout the area's speakers, signalling that it was time for you and your mother to go. Grabbing your suitcase, you sent a grateful look to each one of them— your father, Jeno, Renjun, Donghyuck, Soorim, and—

Jaemin suddenly grabbed your suitcase handle before you could go, his hand right beside yours. You locked eyes with him, wide and surprised.

He landed a kiss right on your lips.

“Call me when you arrive, okay?”

You mindlessly nodded, still in the midst of recovering from shock. Your mother called out to you to start moving.

As you walked away, head still locked behind, you watched as the four screamed, cheered, and teased your boyfriend as they shook and pushed him around like a ragdoll, while he just kept on looking at you with a smile.

“Don’t worry, Y/N! I’ll record his crying face!”

Haechan screamed despite being several feet away already, and you stifled out a laugh.

You might have to say goodbye today, but time will come when you would meet again.

Across the cobblestone tiled sidewalk, people were walking about, the streets were filled with tourists and natives, the mid noon sun was just in reach. Summers had always been crowded in the city, and you were swimming in the middle of the crowd in a far too inappropriate attire, sweating as you spoke into the phone.

“Oh, yeah. I’m on my way to the gallery now— I had to stop by at a cafe first, though.”

“You seem busy.”

Jaemin’s voice echoed from your phone’s speakers. The streetlight turned red. You followed the crowd as you crossed the street.

“Yeah… It’s a lot of back and forth work, even on the last day of the show, but it’s all worth it,”you replied. “Did you know that people kept on asking me who my muse was for Mahiwaga? Ever the popular boy, even when you’re not here.”

It has been a year and a half since you first got to France. Things have been going well on your part with your budding art career— and so far you’ve guested in three exhibitions, but you have yet to have one solo. Even though you and Jaemin promised to see each other during breaks, it was practically impossible to align your time. He was busy with internships and his organizations this year and so were you. But one thing the both of you have faithfully maintained throughout the course of your time away was calling each other every day, even if it was just for a few minutes.

A cyclist sped past you. Jaemin’s voice was heard again. He laughed at your last remark, saying that he wasn’t that popular, but all of a sudden his voice turned into a more serious tone.

“Since you have a lot of work these days…”

Your brows furrowed, squinting as the light shone into your eyes. You clutched your sling bag, heels clattering as you passed by the cream, brown, and grey buildings.

“Should we call less often?”

You stopped in your tracks.

What?

“No— no, Jaems, what are you saying? Are you sick? Are you not feeling well?” you were almost late for the opening, but you couldn’t care less at the moment. What was he on about? Call less? Never had that crossed your mind even once. “I don’t even get to see you anymore, so if anything… we should call as often as we can.”

A few people passed from behind. His end of the line was silent. Your lips scrunched into a frown, confused.

“Jaemin?”

“That’s a relief.”

Before you could even ask him anything, the call ended.

“What the hell?” you huffed, staring at your phone screen in perplexity before you returned it to your pocket. Maybe he was feeling a lot more lonely than usual— that was unavoidable, but the both of you made it work. You should ask him what that was all about later. Now, you really needed to head to the gallery. With a sigh, you marched forward, stopping at an intersection where the large, eggshell white walls of the gallery stood across.

You stopped before the crosswalk, the lights green, and a few vehicles passed by, and your thoughts were once again clouded by Na Jaemin and why did he suddenly propose that. Was he getting sick of you? Was this his way of hinting a breakup? Your face contorted into a look of horror. No, you shook your head at the notion. He literally sent you a picture of a weird keychain last night  saying it reminded him of you. Another sigh. The light went red. You crossed the street.

Maybe it was because you were thinking too much of him, maybe you were missing him too much, but the moment you reached the middle of the crosswalk, your heart suddenly stopped, legs froze, eyes stuck to the sight right in front of you.

There he stood, right before the front stairs of the gallery with dozens of people disappearing and passing by. He spotted you, eyes lighting up, the corners of lips automatically quirking upwards. He sent you a small wave.

You ran.

“Hi— woah!”

Maybe you were causing a scene, but you didn’t care. You couldn’t find it in you to care when Na Jaemin was right fucking here. He chuckled when you suddenly ran into him, wrapping you in a tight hug that matched your own. “You know, I was afraid that you’d actually agree to limiting our calls,” he started, and you looked up, the light shining into your eyes. Jaemin’s smile was as bright as the sun. “I thought I would have to deport myself back to Korea.”

Your lips quivered, unable to hold it back. Yeah, you shook your head, a shaky laugh leaving your lips. It’s always been like this.

“Is this where you’re holding the exhibit? Wow, it’s a lot bigger than in pictures.”

There are points in your life where you’re met with a choice— to stay or leave, to smile or cry. Always him between something else. Twice. You’ve said goodbye to him twice choosing to leave. For a moment, it might seem that you’ve chosen the other. But that was never the case, because at the end of each day it was him you were thinking of, it was him that your lines end, it would always be—

“Y/N? Y/N? Are you crying?” he exclaimed, frowning as he wiped away your tears. “Ah, it’s such a happy day today, you shouldn’t be crying.”

“I missed you, you dummy.”

—Him. You’d always choose him. Na Jaemin. Jaems. Nana. Your childhood best friend. Your boyfriend—

He smiled at you, eyes shining, pressing a kiss on your forehead before taking you into his arms once more with a shaky breath. “I missed you too.”

—Your mahiwaga.

hannie-dul-set, 2020.

[starlight-writes-stuff]

hi, do you think you could do another blurb for ethan? maybe something nsfw? like, a party hookup? im thinkin about fratboy!ethan 👁👄👁

(wc: 5.5k) pls im always thinking about fratboy ethan :,) but yes i can do this 100 % ! this ask prompted something deep in me and i ended up making a playlist to go with it as well 🤧here’s the link to that if ur interested https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4yXuVtAKBHexm5ifE9NQ2B ! A L S O i’m sorry this took forever to get to ,,,, life has been a lot recently lol . reblogs are always appreciated ! <3

AYO LOOK AT THESE ! : smut (obvious but still) , sex while under the influence (with explicit consent given) , softdom! ethan , marajuana use , alcohol use , unprotected sex (wrap it b4 u tap it , plz) , swearing , college au , an unus annus reference if u look close enough , and i believe thats it . enjoy ! xoxoxoxo , starlight .

a little party never killed nobody

it was the exact same as every other college party you’d ever been to. shitty music, shittier alcohol, shittiest people- except for him. 

when ethan nestor had invited you to a frat party, you’d laughed in his face. you knew that he was a member of data data data, but he wasn’t the type that made it his whole personality. as far as you’d observed, he wasn’t the partying type, either, but there he was, texting you the house address.

“so you’ll come tonight? it’s going to be a pretty big thing- a lot of people coming. you should be able to walk right in, but if anyone gives you shit just tell them you’re with me,” he said, a slight smirk playing on his lips. you and ethan hadn’t been talking for long; technically, you hadn’t even known that he’d existed two weeks ago. 

when ethan had first sauntered up to you in physical sciences, that same smirk painting his face, you’d picked up on the underlying chemistry right away. he was a flirt by nature, but he seemed to play it up even more around you- the brunette boy had asked for your number the first day you met, and you’d been talking almost constantly since. he was funny and sweet and extremely charismatic, and he made your heart flip in your chest with the smallest glance. the two of you hadn’t hung out alone yet, so this party felt like a big deal.

or, at least, that's what you’d thought.

when you showed up at the front door of the frat house loud, bass-filled music was already shaking the window panes in their frames, and you could hear what sounded like a hundred different voices all talking over each other. ethan hadn’t been kidding when he said that it was a big party; at least half of your year was here, plus the older and younger students interspersed throughout the throngs of people as well. as you made your way to the kitchen, ethan was nowhere to be found. you felt as if all eyes were on you as you started to pour a drink, and dimly, you wondered if people could tell that you didn’t belong.

however, most of your anxious thoughts had been subdued after the first solo cup of vodka lemonade, and you were now well through your second. the music pounding throughout the house felt as if it had infiltrated your veins, filling them with a warm, buzzing sensation that loosened your limbs. at some point, a guy had come up to chat with you. then another. you weren't sure how many times you’d given out your snapchat tonight, but it had been a lot, and you were about to do it again. 

the guy you were currently talking to introduced himself as danny. he was some sort of business major, much like every other guy that you’d spoken with tonight, and was very clearly trying to hit on you. even through the alcohol-induced haze, you remembered who you came here for and you weren't leaving without him. you put a hand on danny’s shoulder, effectively cutting him off in the middle of his sentence.

“hey, do you know where ethan is? ethan nestor, i mean? he’s the one who invited me here.”

danny looked disappointed, but seemed to shift and slot puzzle pieces together in his head, snapping his fingers. “you're the girl he invited? that makes so much sense, actually. yeah, he’s out back- toking up, probably,” he explained, gesturing towards a door you would’ve never noticed. “out there and down the stairs. need an escort?”

you almost denied his advances but spotted an old fling loitering by the hidden door. giving danny a tight smile, you drained the rest of your drink and held up a finger. “one sec! stay here.”

butterflies flooded every inch of your being as you stumbled over to the makeshift bar, pouting a variety of liquors into your cup. you were going to see ethan outside of class. on his turf. something about it shook you to your core, but you couldn’t quite figure out why. 

sure, ethan was hot- that was obvious. but he’d been flirty, too. were the two of you a thing? if you weren’t, why had he been talking to danny about 'the girl he was inviting’? clearly, ethan had been talking about you, you just weren't sure of the context. you tried to swallow all these fears as you topped off your cup with lemonade, taking a small sip. trying not to spit it out, you added more juice; you’d made the strongest mixture you could think of, and it tasted like some sort of poison. that didn’t stop you from taking another small sip, then a bigger one. you needed the buzz.

“okay! let's go.”

danny led you out the door and down the stairs with no issue, and you quickly realized how tipsy you were - the stairs seemed to bob and warp under your feet, and you grabbed onto the handrail with a death grip. he noticed this easily, laughing a bit. “are you good?”

“great. it's the heels and alcohol- they don't mix well.” you laughed at yourself, regretting the chunky, heeled boots you’d thrown on.

“you can ditch them, if you want. we’re going out onto a deck, so you won't be in grass or anything,” danny explained, pointing to a pile of shoes by the door you were about to exit. you weren't going to argue with that, thankful that you’d chosen cute socks as you wrestled the footwear off and tossed it onto the pile. your stomach flipped as danny opened the door, cool night air biting into your warm skin, waking you up a bit. the sourish-sweet scent of marijuana flooded the small stairwell, and danny chuckled. “told you he was smoking.”

nothing could’ve prepared you for the way you felt watching ethan take a long drag off of some sort of pen, letting the vapor pour from his lips in pale blue plumes. something about the easy way the smoke seemed to float from his mouth went straight to your center, and you dug your nails into your palms, trying to get yourself under control. ethan finally realized that more people had joined the small crowd on the bench, and his heavy-lidded eyes seemed to light up as they roamed all over you lazily. this only furthered the sensation between your legs, the coils starting to tighten in your lower stomach. 

what the hell?

“y/n, you made it,” ethan said, a smile taking over his face. he quickly hopped down from where he’d been sitting on the guardrail and made his way over, wrapping an arm dangerously low around your waist. he hugged you tightly, making your heartbeat stutter as you squeezed him back.

you mumbled a ‘hello’ into his neck as ethan let his touch linger, your body held tightly to his. someone cleared their throat, conversation starting back up, and ethan reluctantly pulled away, dropping his eyes to yours. he kept a hand on the small of your back, sending electricity running up and down your spine. “having fun?”

you could barely talk as you forced yourself to respond. “yeah, lots. you’re a hard person to find.”

ethan grinned again, letting his head fall back as he laughed. “my bad. i thought you would text me when you got here. found someone to take care of you , though?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow. the facial expression did absolutely nothing for the situation building up under your skirt- only worsening your want for the tall boy in front of you. 

“who?”

ethan smirked, dropping his lips to your ear. “that's what i like to hear. you look pretty, y/n.”

the way he said your name practically undid you, ripping your self-control apart at the already weakened seams. you let a hand wander up and down one of ethan’s sculpted arms, outlining the planes of muscle through his hoodie as you crossed your legs; sure, it was the ladylike thing to do, but you were desperately looking for some sort of friction, anything to lessen the need for him.

“thank you.”

ethan nodded, the hand that had been perched on your back sliding over your hip before finding your hand. he laced his fingers into yours, and you were shocked at how forward he was being. the two of you had flirted heavily- and okay, maybe you’d sent some suggestive pictures back and forth- but ethan seemed to be claiming you as he led you over to the round table where all his friends were sat. again, you carved half-moons into your palms with your nails as you added up all the chairs- there wasn’t enough. you began to let go of ethan’s hand, ready to boost yourself onto the railing, but he gave your fingers a gentle squeeze. you watched as ethan settled into the overstuffed outdoor chair, gesturing at his lap.

fuck.

you took a brief moment to admire the mess you’d gotten yourself into before you gingerly sat on ethan’s lap, trying to make yourself as small and weightless as humanly possible. that didn’t last long, though. ethan circled an arm over your hips, pulling you onto his lap firmly. you couldn’t breathe as you settled into him, crossing your legs tightly. your lower body was tucked away, hidden under the table, but still. you tucked a small portion of fabric between your thighs, ensuring nothing would slip. 

you didn’t say much as ethan continued to conversate with his friends, passing the silvery, skinny device around the table. 

soon, the talk turned from school and classes to typical, stuttering stoner laughing; everyone besides ethan and danny seemed to be a complete lightweight, gone after one hit of the cartridge. however, both the boys were on at least their fourth hit and still seemed relatively composed. they’d started to talk about some sort of economic study, and you’d quickly grown bored and confused. after sitting through 10 more minutes of the terminology you didn't understand, you began to wiggle around on ethan’s lap, loosening his grip on you. 

at the same moment, you and ethan both shifted in just the right way, causing one of his legs to end up between both of yours just as your hips rolled forward. delicious friction flooded your system, and you bit down hard on your lower lip, trying to stifle a moan. you fought with everything in you not to rock your body again, sensation overwhelming your impulse control. before you could do anything, one of ethan’s large hands found your hips, squeezing just enough to leave fingerprint-shaped marks on your skin. ethan knew what he’d done- you could hear the satisfaction threaded through his voice.

“you okay? what d’you need?”

you tried to steady your voice, painfully conscious of the people around you. while most of ethan’s friends were high enough that they wouldn’t notice, you knew that danny would pick up on any changes in your demeanor. you swallowed hard before answering him.

“i'm gonna go get another drink.” another gentle squeeze practically lit your skin on fire, and ethan held the pen up to you. 

“wanna try this instead?”

you weren’t going to lie- you’d been a bit jealous of the boys, not even thinking of passing the device to you. with shaky hands, you reached to accept the cartridge, but ethan had different plans. a sinful look found its way into his slitted eyes as ethan held the pen up to your lips. “go ahead.”

you could’ve passed out from the command, the look, the way that he’d started to bounce his leg. it was as if he was trying to break you- like he wanted you to give him some sort of sign that you wanted him. you did, more than anything. desire seemed to curl its way into every inch, every cell of your body, its spurs digging into your skin. 

you met ethan’s eyes deliberately as you accepted the cold metal into your mouth, inhaling deeply. you took immense pleasure in the look that crossed ethans face as you pulled away with lungs full of the hazy drug. you held your breath for as long as possible before letting the vapor drift from your lips, just as ethan and done earlier. you watched his adam's apple bob as he swallowed hard, his eyes snapping off of yours and over to danny.

“i’m gonna take y/n to get a drink. watch them, will you?” he asked, gesturing to the rest of his friends. danny just nodded, mumbling a low ‘have fun’ as ethan practically lifted you off of his lap. adrenaline coursed through each and every one of your veins and ethan laced his fingers through yours, leading you inside. 

ethan barely let the door shut before his hands were on your hips, pinning you to the wall of the small stairwell. his lips met yours roughly, and you couldn’t hold back the whimper that had been building in your throat for the past hour. you felt ethan smirk at the soft noise before he bit at your lower lip, dragging the soft flesh between his teeth. again, you let out a whine full of pleasure- he just felt so good. you let your arms circle ethans neck, one of your hands knotting in his dark hair. you pulled at the roots gently as ethan’s tongue rolled against yours, your body entirely succumbing to him.

he forced himself to pull off of your body, and you let out a small whine; you’d been waiting on this. ethan smirked, his laugh coming out dark and much raspier than usual. “don’t worry doll, i'm not done with you yet. just can't have you here.”

the words went right through you, only adding to the ache between your thighs. ethan took your hand with a profound gentleness, and dropped a soft kiss on your forehead. “before this even starts, are you sure?” 

you nodded eagerly, getting up on your tiptoes to recapture his lips, but ethan pulled back. you furrowed your eyebrows at the tall boy, confused- until he brought a hand up to your face, holding your jaw. ethan tilted your head up, forcing you to meet his eyes. “i need words, baby. are you positive? i can-”

“so sure. i promise.” you nodded at him, your eyes never leaving his. “i want you.”

ethan swore under his breath and kissed you hard before leading you up the stairs. you started to feel the effects of the drug as ethan took you from kitchen to living room, up some stairs… you lost track of all the places you’d been, allowing the weed to cloud everything in a gauzy veil. you felt good; light and somehow heavy at the same time, and you enjoyed the way that everything seemed to slow down. finally, ethan opened a door and pulled you in behind him. you realised where you were- his room. it smelled like ethan, like citrus and musk and something you could only describe as boy. 

you let out a small giggle as ethan reached for a remote, colored lights dousing the room in a sultry red glow. “setting the mood?”

quickly, you were shut up in the best possible way. ethan kissed your roughly, all teeth and tongue and hands everywhere as he backed you against one of his walls. you let yourself get lost in him, basking in the warmth of your hunger for him. one of ethan’s cold hands made its way under your shirt, the other holding your jaw in place as he bit into your bottom lip once again, making you whine. 

“feel good?” ethan asked, breathlessly. you could hear the smirk in his voice, but you couldn’t help the way your back arched at the simple question. your nails dug into his shoulder as ethan slid his thumb under the band of your bra, and he let out a rough moan, managing to undo the clasp with one hand. ethan pulled away from you long enough to rid you of your shirt, discarding your bra on the floor as well while you practically ripped his hoodie off, desperate to feel his skin against your own. he clearly wanted the same, judging by the way he wrapped an arm around your back, pulling you flesh against his chest. 

ethan managed to capture both of your wrists in one of his hands, pinning them above your head. you were unfamiliar with the feeling of being restrained, but the sensation seemed to send your heart thrumming even faster. he kissed you until your lips were sore and your knees were weak before finally dropping his forehead to yours. ethan took his chance, letting his eyes roam all over you and you watched his pupils grow larger until his eyes were practically black. “jesus fuck, y/n. you’re beautiful.”

your voice came out high and breathy as you responded. “ ‘could say the same about you.” you were practically panting, your body no longer responding to your mind as your back arched. ethan let out a hard breath. 

“do you know what you do to me?”

your eyes fluttered shut as ethan’s lips met the sensitive skin of your neck, his tongue exploring the delicate flesh. he quickly found your weak spot and focused his attention there; he let his teeth gently sink into your skin, making you gasp before using his soft tongue to soothe the spot. he repeated this process all over your neck, sucking on your flesh when he found a sweet spot. you knew that you’d be covered in purple-blue bruises, but you’d wear them proudly- that was ethan’s motivation for marking you up.

ethan trailed soft, wet kisses all the way down your neck to your collarbones, groaning at the way you pushed your chest toward him. he hesitated, but started kissing back up your neck, your jaw, back up to your lips. he released his grip on your wrist and you quickly cupped his face in your hands, kissing him with everything in you. you wanted the boy to feel the way you wanted him, and you knew he could as his lips seemed to slow, the kisses getting deeper and deeper. you lost yourself completely in ethan, unsure of where he started and you ended. you could feel his heartbeat against your own, the two thumping rapidly, almost erratic.

the two of you stayed pressed up against each other, your back firmly against the wall for a while, until ethan finally pressed a soft kiss to your cheek. “bed?”

you nodded eagerly, wanting the boy all over you. the two of you stumbled, half kissing over to the mattress, falling together. ethan quickly situated himself on top of your body, caging you in between his arms. he began kissing down your body at a torturously slow pace, tracing the dark marks he’d already left with his soft tongue, driving you insane. ethan took his time working down to your breasts, finally taking one of your sensitive nubs into his mouth. you let out an almost guttural moan at the sensation, pleasure overwhelming your senses. ethan hummed at your reaction, only intensifying the feeling. you tangled a hand in his hair, the other digging into his back, leaving long, red scratches on his pale skin. 

ethan swirled his tongue around your bud, taking extreme pride in the way you let your head fall back against the mattress, moans of his name spilling from your lips. he tucked an arm under the arch of your back, pulling your body even closer to him- he didn’t want any space dividing the two of you. ethan pulled off of your puffy nipple with a soft moan, wasting no time in kissing over your chest, pulling the other into his mouth. he covered your chest in dark, deep bruises, admiring his work under the sensual glow of the red lights. “so pretty..”

you couldn’t form full sentences to respond with, just broken moans and pleads and tugs on his hair. ethan found it endearing, the way you wanted him so badly. he couldn’t help but give you what you needed.

he kisses hastily down your body leaving small lovebites here and there on your ribs, your stomach. ethan hooked his thumbs in the waistband of your skirt and pressed a kiss to the exposed skin right above the fabric. “this okay?”

“yes, i- please,” you pleaded, lifting your hips to make it easier. ethan got rid of the piece of clothing, discarding it on his bedroom floor, quickly followed by your panties. he let out a throaty moan, his eyes working over you lazily, like he had all the time in the world. he admired your body until you wriggled underneath him, needing some sort of stimulation. 

“what do you want, baby?”

“you,” you whined, desperation weaving through your voice. ethan pressed gentle, warm kisses on your hip bones, fighting a laugh. 

“i know that. what specifically?”

“fuck, ethan. anything, just touch me. please.”

“okay, okay. and you're positive this is alright?”

“yes. i’m so sure. i swe-” your words died in the back of your throat as ethan pressed his thumb to your clit, rubbing small, soft circles. “holy fuck.”

“already so worked up,” ethan mumbled, pressing kisses to your inner thighs. “this because of me?”

you were taken aback by the way your high seemed to multiply the pleasure by tens of thousands- ethan was barely touching you and you could feel your high approaching quickly. you couldn’t find the words to answer him as ethan shifted between your legs, giving himself a better view of your sex. “does that feel okay?”

a stream of swears left your lips as ethan quickened his pace, hooking one of your legs over his shoulder. “so fucking good, just like that.” the knots in your stomach continued to tighten as you balled the sheets in your fist, tugging at his hair with the other hand.

ethan pressed a kiss dangerously low on your hip, looking up at you. “can i?”

your hips bucked at the tone of his voice, and you nodded vigorously. ethan kept his eyes on yours as he ran his tongue through your folds, lapping your arousal up. he couldn’t help but groan at the taste of you, the way you pulled at his hair, putting his mouth where you wanted it before letting your head fall back onto his bed. ethan started to suck at your sensitive bud, rolling his tongue over the bundle of nerves and you knew you wouldn’t last much longer.

“i- fuck- i’m close.”

he hummed, the vibrations sending you over the edge. your eyes rolled back into your head while you tugged at his hair, your orgasm completely undoing you- the high only added to the sensation, making it that much better. your hips bucked under the skillful work of his soft tongue as ethan let you ride out your high on his face. 

ethan dropped a gentle kiss on your clit before peppering your entire body with them, giggling at the way you squealed. he finally attached his lips to your neck, your jaw, back to your lips. you kissed him hard, tasting yourself off of him. finally, when your exhaustion won out you pulled away, running your hands through ethan’s fluffy hair. 

“how was that?”

you propped yourself up on your elbows, pecking ethan’s lips. “so, so good,” you mewled between heavy breaths. ethan bit down on his lower lip and smiled, pride filling his system. 

“god, you look good moaning my name. you're beautiful, you know,” he said, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. ethan looked at you with a tenderness in his eyes, placing another kiss on your lips. “think you can go again?”

ethan started trailing down your body again, not waiting for an answer. he was laser focused on pleasuring you, making you whine and whimper for him- only for him. before he could get far, though, you were grabbing at his arm and shaking your head. he flushed, peeling away from you while starting to profusely apologize, but you pressed a finger to his lips. 

“want you. inside of me,” you explained between pants, still exhausted from the first round of stimulation. ethan threw his head back, swearing. 

“jesus christ, y/n. need me that bad, baby?”

his choice of words drowned you in desire, and you were all his. “yes. please, ethan?”

he wanted to fuck you until all you could do was moan his name just like that, over and over again. before you could process what was happening ethan had his hands all over you, roaming your body as he practically drooled at the sight before him: your already fucked out body, the sweet look painting your face, begging for him. ethan could barely control himself, his words coming out as rough murmurs.

“protection? i mean, i have it.”

you bit at your lip, hard. you were on birth control, and you wanted him- all of him.

shaking your head, you explained. “birth control. we’ll be fine, if you’re comfortable.”

you jumped as ethan moved a finger to your entrance, dipping into your sex. he groaned at the way you clenched around the appendage, his cock jumping in his boxers. “want my cum inside you?”

“yes- fuck, ethan, please,” you begged, reduced to nothing. all you wanted; all you needed was him inside you, ruining your body until you couldn’t take anymore pleasure. 

“so tight,” he mumbled, lining another finger up. you bucked your hips, the sensitivity almost too much as he stretched you out, watching the way your face contorted under his influence. ethan placed a large hand low on your abdomen, applying light pressure. “if you can’t take this, you won’t be able to take me.”

you nodded, pace almost desperate for him to continue. “feels good baby. so good.”

you took note of the pleased expression that stretched over ethan’s face as you praised the boy- you were just telling the truth, but clearly he liked to hear what a good job he was doing. ethan brought his thumb up to your clit, rubbing tight circles on the bundle of nerves and you grabbed at his wrist, nails digging into skin. 

“gonna make me cum again,” you warned, but ethan only smiled at you, nodding almost condescendingly.

“wanna finish on my fingers, pretty girl?”

you wanted to say no, wait to come undone around him, but his movements felt too good. you dug your nails into his arm even harder, your other hand clawing into ethan’s soft sheets as the knots in your stomach came undone, your walls contracting around his fingers tight enough to make him moan. 

ethan let his pace slow, extending your orgasm as you practically rode his hand, crying out in absolute euphoria as he increased pressure on your clit.  unable to form words, you released your grasp on the boy’s arm, bringing your hand up to his face instead. you pulled ethan’s lips down to meet yours, whining at the feeling of his clothed cock grinding against your center.

ethan couldn’t take it anymore, quickly ridding himself of the soft sweatpants. you watched as his manhood sprung up, hitting his abdomen; the sight in and of itself enough to make you let out another bliss-filled noise. ethan let his eyes fall to yours as he stroked himself, shuddering at the heavenly friction. again, his voice came out low as he lined himself up with you.

“sure?”

far beyond words, you nodded and laced your fingers through his. 

ethan returned your grasp with a sweet squeeze, gliding the tip of his cock through your folds- coating himself in your arousal. the two of you moaned in sync; a sweet, satisfied sort of harmony. finally, ethan pushed into you slowly, gasping at the feeling. you couldn’t help the way your eyes rolled back into your head, the feeling of him inside you almost too much. 

“you okay?”

“so good,” you breathed, trying not to yelp at the feeling spreading through your lower body. ethan was well endowed- the biggest you’d ever taken- and it was an addictive sort of pain. he moved slowly, stopping a few times; allowing you to adjust around his length. when he’d bottomed out, ethan let his head fall back, groans escaping his throat.

“so fucking tiny,” he gasped, a groan cutting his statement off. “feel so good around me, gorgeous.”

you nodded at him, trying your best to meet ethan’s eyes as you praised the boy. “so fucking big- you feel so good,” you whined, your hips bucking. “want you so bad.”

a breathless laugh escaped ethan’s lungs as he maneuvered a hand behind one of your thighs, lifting your leg to hook over his shoulder. he pushed even deeper into you and black spots began to crowd the sides of your vision, the pleasure overwhelming. slowly, ethan started to pull out of you, eliciting filthy words and moans from you before he slid his length back in. 

“fucking hell, y/n. so tight,” he said, voice tipping up into a whimper at the end. he quickened his pace, the noise of sleeping skin filling the room. you could barely contain yourself, no longer fighting the stream of murmurs and swears leaving your lips as ethan continued to pump in and out of you. your next orgasm was already building, the coils tightening rapidly in your lower belly.

ethan let his hand wander down to your sensitive bud, almost coming undone at the sight of your eyes fluttering shut. you traced up his forearm, scraping at his sweet skin before knotting your fingers in his hair, tugging at the roots. 

“eyes open, baby. look at me.”

you could’ve cum then and there, the instructions only turning you on further. you forced your eyes open, meeting his as ethan sped up again. an almost animalistic noise left your throat as ethan thrusted into you roughly- you weren’t going to be able to hang on much longer. ethan felt the way your walls were clenching around him, fluttering and tightening as he increased his speed on your clit.

“close?” he asked, unable to say much more than that. your grip around him was euphoric- he was closer than he’d like to be. it hadn’t been more than 20 minutes, but with the way you were pulling at his head, almost crying in completely bliss, ethan wanted to fill you to the brim with his cum then fuck it into your sensitive pussy, overstimulating the sweet flesh.

you nodded, humming a small “mhm,” as you looked at him with wide eyes. ethan paused for a moment, shifting your leg up even higher onto his shoulder before plunging back into you. you felt the head of his cock hit a new, even more delicious spot and you became almost delirious. looking at him with furrowed eyebrows, you felt a tear crawl down your cheek.

“gonna cum, ethan-”

“fuck- me too. let go, baby.”

your entire body seemed to shake and shudder under the force of your orgasm- it hit you like a fucking train. you felt ethan’s thrusts get sloppier as he buried himself inside you, his head dropping to the crook of your neck. he whimpered as he shot his cum deep into your pussy, the sensation all consuming. the two of you stayed like that for a while- riding out your highs with each other, rough moans turned to honey-sweet mewls. 

as your heart rate started to come down, you peppered the boy's face with soft, careless kisses: ones that he gladly returned. ethan finally found your lips, pressing tender, long kisses to the swollen skin. 

“you’re a fucking god,” you murmured, stressing the word as ethan’s face flushed even hotter than it already had been.

“that,” he huffed, breathing still hard and uneven, “would be you.”

you giggled at the statement, your voice hitching as ethan slowly pulled out of you. you could feel a mixture of him and you spill out, the substance flowing over your things as ethan kissed down your body, taking in the sight between your legs. 

“so pretty, baby,” he whispered, sinking a long finger into your pussy. your whole body spasmed at the feeling, completely overstimulated. ethan pulled out of you softly, watching the way his cum seemed to spill out of you endlessly. he placed small, delicate kisses to the marks he’d left covering your thighs, admiring his work. “can i keep you here for the night?” he asked, eyes turning affectionate.

you nodded at the boy as he came back up to meet your lips, then your forehead. as you settled onto his chest, drawing lazy patterns on his skin, ethan's voice seemed to return to normal.

“such a good girl.”

[blu-joons]

DATING NCT A⇴Z HEADCANON ⇴ Yuta Nakamoto

A ⇴ AFFECTION

If there is one member you can count on being affectionate, it is most definitely Yuta. He loves to cuddle you and hold you as tightly as possible, at any point in the day, he doesn’t care where either, he just wants to be close to you.

B ⇴ BEFORE DATING

The two of you were sat together on a flight from Seoul to Tokyo. For most of the journey, you were silent, but then when you needed to move past him to use the toilet, the two of you finally struck up a conversation. After that, the two of you talked for the rest of the journey, exchanging numbers as you picked up your baggage.

C ⇴ CONFESSION

Yuta spent a lot of time getting to know you before confessing, he wanted to make sure that being in a relationship with an idol was really something he wanted before he asked you to be yours. He didn’t want to pressurise you or anything, but when you told him that it was what you wanted, then he finally asked you the all-important question. To begin with, you stayed quiet, until you noticed the panic in his eyes from your joke, easing his mind.

D ⇴ DATES

The two of you usually ended up doing something physical on your dates, Yuta loved to take you to different places and get competitive with you. You knew that he was sporty, so when he’d tell you that you were going skating or rollerblading, you’d never be surprised. The one thing you hated was how good Yuta was at everything, he loved to show off in front of you, but every time that you fell, he’d be right there to pick you up and encourage you to give it another go, this time holding his hand tightly.

E ⇴ EXPERIENCE

You were his first anything, first kiss, first love, he knew nothing, and experienced nothing about a relationship before he met you. To begin with, it was definitely a little overwhelming for him, he wanted to make sure that he treated you right, but he also wanted to make sure that all the other member supported the two of you as well. If he was only going to date once in his life, then he wanted to make sure he did it right, not just for him, but for you too, Yuta really wanted to make sure that he was the perfect boyfriend.

F ⇴ FIGHTING

Life was too short for arguing as far as Yuta was concerned, he never argued with you, but he’d definitely out sass you in a heartbeat. He’d often use that to try and stop an argument between the two of you, if he felt you getting worked up, then he’d come out with a savage comment that would stop you in your tracks. Before you had the chance to speak, Yuta would try and convince you that whatever you were arguing about was stupid and redundant, and that your time was much better spent laughing and smiling with each other. As much as you wanted to, you couldn’t argue with his logic nor the smile on his face.

G ⇴ GETTING TO KNOW HIS FAMILY

His family loved you before they met you, it was a huge relief for all of them to know that Yuta had someone in Korea who would look after him and love him just like all of them did. Knowing he had you was a comfort to them, and the first time they met you, they made sure to express their gratitude to you.

H ⇴ HOME

Your home tended to be the place for the two of you, as you were able to get a bit more privacy than you would at the dorm. You knew Yuta was very happy at the dorm, so you’d never force him to be at yours, but if he wanted to come over, then you’d never say no, until eventually he ended up staying with you permanently.

I ⇴ “I LOVE YOU”

After meeting his family for the first time was when Yuta was the first to say, ‘I love you.’ He knew they loved you anyway but seeing how well you connected with them all in person was the icing on top of the cake for Yuta, confirming all of the feelings that he had for you, and making him realise that he really did love you.

J ⇴ JEALOUSY

Yuta loved to be social and enjoyed being around other people, but the second he felt that someone was getting a little too close to you, he wouldn’t be afraid to say anything. His ultimate goal was to keep you safe, and if he felt like that wasn’t happening, then he wouldn’t be afraid to push a guy aside and let him know that he was out of line. You loved seeing how protective Yuta became when he was jealous, you’d try and assure him that you were alright, but he’d refuse to listen and bring you back next to him.

K ⇴ KIDS

There was no secret made from Yuta that he wanted to have children in the future, but he was also very aware that there were a few years yet before he could really think about fatherhood. Seeing him around your friend’s children always put a smile on your face, at times he was still a big kid himself, and so he always got on well with little ones. He just hoped that your little ones would be just as amazing as your friends’.

L ⇴ LAUGHTER

Yuta loved to make you laugh, usually with a lot of tickle attacks or chasing you around the apartment to try and get a cuddle out of you. You love the way that he teases the other members and makes incredibly blunt comments towards them and knowing that it gets a reaction out of you gives him the encouragement to do it even more. If you’ve had a bad day, it would kill Yuta on the inside, he’d do whatever it would take to put a smile back on your face, refusing to let you go until he managed to cheer you back up.

M ⇴ MISSING

He’d been away from his family for many years now, so when he went away on tour for the first time leaving you, Yuta was sure that he’d be alright. But in fact, he was anything but. It was agonising for him to be so far away from you, to not be able to be by your side to ring him and tell him that you’d had a bad day or that you were missing him. It would take a lot of persuading from the other members to stop him jumping on a plane sometimes and heading back to Seoul so that he could be back by your side. He always hoped that things would get easier, but it never really felt like they would when he was on the road.

N ⇴ NICKNAMES

Yuta loved nicknames with you, he would never settle on one. ‘Cutie,’ ‘darling,’ ‘petal,’ anything that sprung to mind, Yuta would try with you, but each one would always end up putting a smile on your face.

O ⇴ OBSESSION

He was obsessed with your hair, he loved to play with it and brush his hands through it, often twirling it around his fingers when he slept to relax himself.

P ⇴ PDA

Yuta wasn’t afraid to be affectionate with you in public, he loved to mess around with you, and often push the boundaries. You were a little more reserved than him, so whilst you’d often worry about doing something wrong, he’d be there to make you smile, and above all else, make sure that you felt comfortable.

Q ⇴ QUESTIONS

He loved to know every single thing about you, even after years of dating, he’d always feel like there was something else to explore about you. He was desperate to find out every last detail about you so he could really know you to a tee.

R ⇴ RANDOM FACTS

A lot of his free time was spent reading fan comments, and more so when he started dating you. He loved to show you all the positive comments that the fans uploaded about the two of you, to reassure your mind. Knowing that the fans were so supportive of the two of you was incredibly comforting for Yuta, as much as he loved to read what the fans said about him, seeing what they said about you too was much more important to him.

S ⇴ SEX

Yuta is incredibly loving, and that definitely reflects during intimacy. He loves to have you as close to him as possible so he can play with your hair and be able to look into your eyes. He’ll keep the distance short between the two of you and bundle you up in his arms so that you can feel loved by him. His athletic build also very much came in handy when the two of you were intimate, which you were completely obsessed with.

T ⇴ TEXTS

The two of you text quite a lot throughout your day, the two of you are always communicating, so as soon as either one of you gets a break, you’ll send the other a text and wait for the other to get a break to reply.

U ⇴ UNIVERSE

Yuta loved having a partner in crime with you, the two of you were mischievous together, which whilst the other members hated, you loved having them all under your control and being able to wind them all up.

V ⇴ VACATION

Before he even had the chance to argue, the first holiday that presented itself to the two of you was spent on the way to Japan. You wanted him to use the time to reunite with his family rather than worry about you. A gesture that both Yuta, and his family, were incredibly grateful towards you for doing for them.

W ⇴ WHINING

Yuta will definitely whine if he wants something, he’ll be sure to know that he needs you by kicking up plenty of fuss until you notice him.

X ⇴ XXXXX

Any chance that Yuta had to kiss you; he would snap up instantly. He loved to cup your cheeks and pull you nice and close, kissing you in between words as he spoke to you. If you ever began to get worked up or nervous, he would always kiss you to stop any panic from setting within you. He knows that his kisses bring you a lot of comfort, and with that, will always make sure to kiss you whenever he senses that you need it.

Y ⇴ YOU

You were the love of his life, the only one there ever would be.

Z ⇴ ZZZ

He’ll often end up using you as a pillow at night as he usually sleeps without one. His head will usually rest against your shoulder or your chest to prop himself up, still making sure that his arms are securely wrapped around you.

---

Masterlist

[heathneycanon]

reasons why phobia factor fucking slaps

ok this lowkey just turned into me rambling abt phobia factor while i rewatched it. putting it under a read more bc it’s super long lmao

like, the entire first five minutes are the campers being friendly to each other?? and vulnerable, to a degree??? you know i love that shit

courtney and trent?? talk to each other?? like. okay they’re never in the same frame together unfortunately, but they do have like, two whole back and forth conversations.

also in that campfire scene at the beginning, cody and trent are sitting next to each other and there are some. good screencaps

“exSQUEEZE me?!” like cody. ur such a dork omfg

duncan vulnerability hours

lindsay asks what a standee is and trent explains it and doesn’t mock her/isn’t annoyed with her at all, in contrast to a lot of the other campers interacting with lindsay. i love them as friends SO much u all have no idea

harold’s little scene with the ninjas. i love him sm. why does he have nunchucks with him when he goes to the bathroom??

leshawna is afraid of spiders and she runs away screaming from. chef wearing a spider suit??? like i don’t love spiders but if a man i knew wearing a spider costume was calmly walking toward me i wouldn’t react the same way as i would to a real spider. anyway i think this is hilarious.

season one heather vulnerability hours.....

i mean, i really wish they’d actually shown her talking abt her fear at the campfire, rather than just having it told by gwen in the confessional, but i get why they did that. regardless that one scene right before the sumo wrestler charges at her where she’s literally shaking.... i want to give her a hug

side note i hope the sumo wrestler is okay he hit his head quite a few times

ok so. trent accidentally leaving gwen buried underground because he’s getting chased by a mime isn’t like. a sweet gwent moment. but it is one of their interactions that i remember most vividly from tdi lmfao

what is a cute gwent moment is trent like. kneeling next to her while chris is burying her. and the face he makes at chris when he jokes abt not digging her up..... i love them sm

also gwen sounds so fucking dramatic when they close the box she’s in like. “goodbye cruel world” gwen ur being buried for 5 minutes ur not dying sdfjlafskj i love her

duncan hyping dj up before he picks up the snake is so cute?? like he’s clapping for him and he’s got what i call “adorable duncan face” which is where his eyes are full circles and he’s smiling. i can remember him making this face at courtney, dj, and alejandro throughout the series and it’s just. ugh loving soft duncan hours

“ah! it blinked” “it means she likes you” sadie where are u getting this information

okay so i googled if this was true and the result i got was “snakes can’t blink” so first of all i have no clue where sadie pulled that fact from and i have even less of an idea of where chris got that fucking. blinking snake from. is that even a snake??

when dj picks up the snake and they all hype him up?????? i love the killer bass so much it’s unreal

more cute gwent moments... gwen and trent talking on the walkie talkies.. they’re so cute

when the mime pops up behind trent and he does that little scream.... it’s loving trent hours u guys

trent is so bothered by a mime literally just. being a mime. me too trent. me too.

duncan and the celine dion music store standee.... everything abt that scene

"DUDE SHE’S MADE OF CARDBOARD” tyler i love you

courtney genuinely saying that it’s okay if he can’t do it (when she was being harsh to dj about the snake earlier..... duncney is so good in tdi u guys)

and then theY HOLD HANDS GUYSSSS IM SOFT FOR THEM

and THAT is what gives duncan the encouragement he needs to go for it?? they’re so good.

his “okay, okay” right before going for it... duncan’s voice acting is so good in this episode omfg

THE MUSIC THAT PLAYS WHEN HE HUGS THE STANDEE AND THEN EVERYONE CHEERING ITS SUCH A GOOD SCENE

THE DUNCNEY HUG

“duncan, you’re awesome!” and the look of shock on his face at both the fact that he did it and that courtney’s hugging him...... have i mentioned i love duncney yet?? bc i do

i can’t believe i used to dislike duncney omfg

then when courtney realizes that she’s hugging him and steps back jafksdfjlsa she’s so cute

and then the rest of the bass come over and hype duncan up more like. i love how supportive they all are in this episode!!

trent is so excited when he finally gets the mime to leave him alone fakjldjfl like he didn’t have to ROAST the dude. but he did.

chris somehow owns a remote control hail cloud?

lindsay getting excited about the “baby cloud” and calling it over?? she’s so cute omfg

trent fucking. hates geoff. gwent has geoffphobia in tdi ig

when they dig up gwen and she throws the walkie talkie at his head but he doesn’t stop smiling..... your honor i love them

owen and izzy getting out of the plane and kissing the ground together..... adorable.

cody with a fucking. watermelon on his head and covered in trash scares bridgette out of the woods. that will never not be funny to me

THAT ONE FUCKING SCENE. WHERE SADIE AND LINDSAY HYPE EACH OTHER UP. THAT MAY BE ONE OF MY FAVORITE SCENES IN THE ENTIRE SERIES. I LOVE THEM SM

the only bad thing abt this ep- tyler should have gotten the fucking point. he completed the challenge. i love courtney, but realistically, she should have gone home this ep and tyler should have stayed.

bridgette hyping tyler up...... im soft they should be friends

“quit being such a girl” courtney im sorry but the only reason you’re still in the game rn is because ezekiel made sexist comments in episode one. what are u saying lmfao

tyler and heather’s reactions to their fears rly make me think. bc like. most of the other campers have a more outward, loud reaction, maybe scream and run away. a couple are just a little wigged out. gwen gets a little snippy and is clearly super freaked out as well. but tyler and heather just. completely shut down. like, curled up in a ball, nonverbal, and shaking. makes u think.

why did cody need a calculator to figure out that the score was 7/3....... cody is canon lgbt+ bc he can’t do basic math without a calculator confirmed

also regardless of how little sense that made. at least that screencap gave us commie cody

when gwen starts trying to psych courtney out and heather like. gasps and looks shocked..... i like to think that heather feels a little bad for courtney here. heathney real.

duncan and bridgette hyping courtney up..... i love the killer bass so much omfg

courtney looks so sad when she walks away from the jelly.......

and then in the confessional right after?? she’s like. crying a little bit :( and she’s beating herself up abt it like..... :( courtney no

LITERALLY she’s like “how could i be so weak” “i deserve to go home” “you’re pathetic” (to herself) and then tells herself to show some confidence and then. she just starts crying again. and then slaps herself?? GOD I FUCKING LOVE COURTNEY SHE’S SO HARD ON HERSELF

owen just. hangin out in the tub of jelly. i love u, u wild dude. fuckin sit in that green jelly. loving owen hours

the little look that courtney and tyler give each other when they’re the last two without marshmallows..... half solidarity half “i don’t want to be the one going home”. i love them sm :(

i KNOW i said this earlier but. tyler should NOT have gone home this episode!!!!!! only bad thing abt this ep

all the fuckin chicken puns are a little bit funny tho

“he won’t be flying high tonight” bridgette chickens can’t fly

when courtney goes “okay, that’s enough” like. tyler’s not even there at this point but she’s defending him. maybe it’s because she still feels she should have gone home instead? maybe it’s because of that little bit of solidarity she felt for him when they were the final two without a marshmallow? maybe i’m reading too much into this? but idk. i think it’s sweet

okay no i have another complaint. what the fuck was the whole boat ride for tyler?? like when sadie gets eliminated the surprise she gets is that katie is on the boat. when tyler is on the boat, CRYING, after literally none of his teammates came to see him off, after he LITERALLY COMPLETED THE CHALLENGE BUT DIDN’T GET CREDIT FOR IT. the fucking. CHICKENS POP OUT?????? tyler deserved better

also some of the challenges were a lot easier, or at the very least, harder to fail than others this ep. i love it but come on. lindsay and sadie vs like. gwen vs owen and izzy vs dj. there were very different time limits, actual fright level, ability to back out once they were doing the challenge.... not a fair challenge

also uhm. if we’re being technical tyler and heather had the exact same reaction to their fears, so why did heather get a point and tyler didn’t? if the chicken had run at him, would he have won? smh

i do love this episode so much but. i had a couple complaints

okay finally lindsay’s little confessional to tyler where she blows him a kiss.... they’re so adorable lyler rights!!

[sadclearance]

smile

pairing: elle greenaway x female!reader

summary: the progression of elle's relationship with y/n throughout season 1 episode 20: charm and harm to season 2 episode 6: the boogeyman

category: fluff and angst i think

warning(s): none

word count: 3510

"what?" elle asked as she felt morgan staring holes into her for the millionth time this morning.

"we've only been here an hour, and you've made two calls," morgan said as he leaned back in his chair.

"so?" elle asked as she grabbed her mobile phone from her desk.

"you hate the phone, elle."

"i don't hate the phone," elle almost laughed.

"actually, you do," reid added to the conversation. "did you know that alexander graham bell and eli gray simultaneously invented electronic sound transmission devices? it came down to a race betwixt the two."

"yeah, and bell beat gray to the patent office by a matter of hours," elle finished. her cell beeped, but she only put it away and continued, "common knowledge."

"why are you acting so weird?" morgan asked as he twiddled his pencil.

"i'm not."

although she said that, the next time she checked her phone, she couldn't help but let a smile slip.

"you're getting some loving, aren't you? you got a boyfriend," morgan said with a smug smirk.

"you're basing this on what exactly--the fact that i don't like the phone? that's all you got? that's your best? you've been a profiler for how long, derek, and that's--that's weak. that's weak," elle said, defensive and flustered.

morgan knew he shouldn't have, but elle made it so easy. she had left the building without her phone.

[9:13am] y/n: still on 4 tonight? miss u xoxo

morgan shrugged and forgot all about it.

that is until he left work one night.

tonight, the team had found c.i.a. deputy director bruno hawks guilty of treason and murder.

morgan had gone back to the office to get to his car, and elle had gone back as well for presumably the same reason.

he was about to get into his car until he saw a stranger leaning on elle's. he was about to step in to help ward off the unwanted stranger when elle started laughing.

"i told you not to come to my work," elle let out the most carefree laugh that morgan had ever heard from her.

it was bad to eavesdrop, but morgan couldn't help himself.

"i'm no profiler, but you don't seem to be too mad about it," the stranger smiled.

"y/n, you're unbelievable," elle playfully rolled her eyes. "how long have you been waiting?"

morgan recognized the name from a few days ago when he snooped on elle's phone.

"not long," y/n tried to shrug.

"yeah, right. you're shivering," elle said as she shrugged off her jacket and wrapped it around y/n's shoulders. "you should've at least waited in the car."

"and miss out on the chance to get your jacket? yeah right," y/n giggled as she opened the door to the passenger seat. "i'll drive. you look beat."

"you're a terrible driver," elle laughed but accepted the offer.

"kiss for the chauffeur?" y/n asked as she leaned down.

"we're at my workplace," elle said, being the voice of reason between the two.

"please?" y/n dragged on.

"fine," elle smiled as she leaned forward and gave y/n a quick peck.

"your smile's as pretty as ever."

"what a charmer."

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

"reid, are you sure you don't wanna come?" elle asked one last time.

"thanks, but i have to go--i'm going home," reid said as he shoved cds into his bag. "have a good one."

"since reid's not using it...you think you can swing that deal for a friend of mine?" elle asked morgan once reid rushed out of the room.

"is your friend cute?" morgan asked playfully.

"is that a yes?" elle asked.

"yes. a friend of yours is a friend of mine," morgan nodded with a cheeky smile. "hope your friend's packed and ready to go."

"actually—"

"elle!" the girl from the other night waved excitedly.

"this is my friend y/n. y/n, derek morgan," elle smiled. even as she introduced them, she couldn't take her eyes off of her.

morgan let out a dopey smile at that.

"what?" elle asked when y/n got in the car.

"nothing," morgan shook his head.

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

"may i have this dance?" y/n asked as she gave a theatrical bow to elle.

"you're so dramatic," elle rolled her eyes, unable to keep the amused smile off her face.

"is that a yes?"

"what about morgan?" elle looked to where her coworker was at at the other side of the club.

"his attention's already locked on the hundred something girls he's with. c'mon, elle. you owe me for ditching me to play frisbee with that guy," y/n pouted.

"okay, all right," elle sighed as though this wasn't something that she too wanted. though, the wide smile on her face said otherwise.

their nimble fingers intertwined while both held each other close by the other's back with their free hands.

they swayed to the slow music, and y/n twirled elle with the hand that held her's.

elle had a look of pure bliss on her face when she was once again facing y/n.

y/n stared in awe at the beauty that was elle greenaway.

"do i have something on my face or something?" elle asked when she noticed that y/n was staring.

"if you had such a beautiful view, wouldn't you wanna keep looking, too?" y/n said with a sly smile.

"you're such a flirt," elle said as she leaned in for a kiss.

y/n raised her hand from the small of elle's back to the back of her head. with their eyes closed, bodies close together, and the upbeat music turning into dull background noise, it felt like they were the only two people in the world.

"i know your friend went through the trouble of giving me a discount on the room, but..." y/n trailed off.

"yes," elle answered in an instance, grabbing y/n's hand and leading her away.

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

"our forensics expert and your coroner agree that the time of death was no less than twenty-four hours ago. neither agent greenaway or y/n l/n could've committed this murder because they've been in this country for less than twenty four hours," hotchner came to the rescue.

"thank you," y/n said once they were on the plane ride back.

"aaron hotchner," he introduced himself as he reached across the table and shook y/n's hand.

"yeah, i figured," y/n laughed lightly only to realize what she had said, "i mean--"

"i talk about my coworkers sometimes," elle explained with a dismissive hand.

"sorry, elle..." y/n said as she played with the edge of elle's jacket which she was wearing.

"no, don't be," elle shook her head.

"you okay?" morgan asked.

"yeah, thanks," y/n nodded.

they settled into an uncomfortable silence.

hotchner sighed as he looked over the autopsy report of the man that his agent was accused of murdering less than an hour ago.

morgan tried to shut his eyes but failed to get any rest.

elle sat incredibly still, the most tense that both morgan and hotchner had ever seen her.

y/n went between dozing off to being as attentive as a soldier.

"you don't have to sit here. you can sit anywhere on the plane," elle eventually said. "here, follow me."

morgan had fully given up on getting any sleep, and his eyes followed as elle lead y/n to the long seat by her hand.

elle sat down on the edge and patted her lap.

y/n hesitantly looked toward morgan and hotchner--to which morgan quickly looked away as though he hadn't been watching--before lying down on the couch and using elle's lap as a pillow.

"i'm sorry," elle said in a somber voice as she brushed away the hair that was covering y/n's face.

"if this is your apology, i don't mind being accused of murder," y/n smiled as she grabbed the hand that was on her face and held it.

and although she had tried to laugh it off, the team could see that she was clearly affected by the events of this morning.

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

"you're welcome to come with us as a guest," hotchner said once they landed.

"thanks, but today's grocery day," y/n shook her head.

"i'll send an agent to help you on your way out," hotchner said as he gestured at the closest agent.

y/n gave a weak wave before she let herself be escorted out.

"do you guys want to go home? get some rest?" hotchner asked his two agents.

"hell no," elle said as she turned to look at hotchner as if he had just said the most outrageous thing in the world.

"i'm good," morgan shook his head.

"how much sleep did you two get in the last twenty-four hours?"

"i am not sleeping until i find whoever this frank giles is," elle said, full of determination.

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

"my eyes are so heavy, i can barely see the board," elle sighed as she turned to reid.

she could barely comprehend the explanation that he was giving about the book code.

she slumped into the leather chair and rested her chin on her hand as she racked her brain to try to find ways to figure out what book they needed, but she couldn't come up with anything.

"the answer's gotta be up there somewhere," elle yawned as she tried her best to focus her eyes on the board of clues in front of her.

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

hotchner walked into the room to find morgan and reid going over all of the clues that they had been given.

he walked over to elle, who was sleeping on a couch. it looked incredibly uncomfortable.

"elle," hotchner said as he shook her shoulder.

"i'm awake," elle said hastily as she sat up.

"i'm sending you home," hotchner said as he looked at her exhausted state.

"no," elle frowned, voice still raspy with sleep.

"you need to get some rest. you haven't slept in thirty-six hours. we won't do anything without you, i promise," hotchner said, trying to convince her to get the rest that she clearly needed.

"elle, we're not any closer than we were. get out of here. go home," morgan reasoned.

"it's an order," hotchner said in a lighter tone, letting her know that it was just out of concern.

even as she got up and walked down the stairs, she could barely keep her eyes open.

"anderson," hotchner called to one of the agents. "take greenaway home."

"yes sir," anderson got up from his seat.

"no, i'm fine," elle tried to reassure.

"you're clearly worn out. you can't drive like this," hotchner shook his head.

"all right," elle sighed, "come on, anderson."

"get some sleep," hotchner said as she left.

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

as gideon waited in front of elle's hospital room, sitting in one of the many chairs available in the hallway, he saw a woman sitting with her head in her knees right next to elle's door. she was as close as she could be without getting in anybody's way.

he wondered who she was. perhaps it was somebody mourning over the person in the room next to elle's.

for hours, they both sat in their respective places in complete silence.

gideon kept his phone close, waiting for someone from his team to call him and let him know that the case had been closed.

a doctor eventually came, and the woman on the floor raised her head for the first time, looking up at him.

"she's gonna be fine," he said with a smile. "you can see her, but she's sleeping."

gideon was about to get up from his seat when the unfamiliar woman raised from the floor and entered the room.

the door was left open, and gideon could see the woman shakily reach toward elle's sleeping face, her movements so gentle and slow as though anything more might break elle like a fragile doll.

she brushed the hair out of her face and moved to pull a chair closer to the hospital bed.

gideon let out a small smile and decided to leave. elle would have somebody waiting for her when she woke up.

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

"what's wrong?" y/n asked as she grabbed elle's plate. "was it bad?"

"no, it was great," elle shook her head. "i just feel kinda restless, i guess."

"if you say so," y/n frowned as she washed the dishes.

"four months out of work, i feel kinda useless," elle said as she sat down on the couch. "i feel like a freeloader."

"for the millionth time, you're not," y/n said. "i like spending time with you."

"i just don't wanna feel like a complete bum all the time."

"you're not a bum. everybody needs breaks," y/n tried to reason.

"nobody takes a four month break."

"tons of people need long breaks. especially after what you've... what you had to go through..." y/n's frown deepened.

"i'm completely fine now. i promise," elle tried to reassure as she turned to y/n. "you don't have to keep worrying about me."

"yeah, okay..." y/n sighed.

a beep caught elle's attention.

"it's a text from the bureau," elle said after a pause. "i have to go."

"i thought you weren't going back until next week," y/n said, turning off the sink immediately and turning around to face elle.

"they texted me," elle repeated as she grabbed her stuff and made her way to the front door.

"i love you," y/n said with a worried look as elle closed the front door behind her.

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

elle opened the door to the bedroom that she had been sharing with y/n.

it was sometime around two in the morning. elle couldn't really tell.

y/n was on her side of the bed, sitting up and thoughtfully staring at the ceiling.

"you didn't have to wait up for me," elle said as she flicked the light switch off.

"i know," y/n said, her eyes still on the ceiling.

it didn't take a profiler to know that something was wrong.

"how's your week been?" elle asked.

"it was okay. uneventful," y/n shrugged. "what about you?"

"i went to california for a case."

"how'd it go?"

"in the end, the unsub had a knife to a little boy's throat. he lived."

"that's good. you're his hero."

"no, hotch is."

"you're all his hero."

"maybe."

silence. terrible, unbearable silence.

when did things become like this between them?

"i think you've changed."

elle would've laughed if the air between them wasn't so tense and serious. y/n had always been a mind reader.

"what are you? a profiler?" elle asked. she meant for it to come out lighter and less snappy than it did.

"when it comes to you, i can't help but be one, i guess," y/n sighed. "i love you so much, of course i notice things. elle, i've said it before, and i'll say it again. you're the most breath taking view i've ever seen, of course i wanna keep looking at you as much as possible. but... keeping my eyes on the view means having to see all of the sadness that comes with it. you're still gorgeous, elle, but you've changed so much. before, i couldn't even get mad at you for leaving in the middle of a date because your face lit up so much. i knew how much this job meant to you, and how happy it made you when you finally got the position, but now... i hate what this job's done to you. it doesn't even make you happy anymore. you look tormented, elle. your face is always full of so much worry, your body's always so tense, and your smiles..."

"i smile," elle tried to defend, giving a forced laugh to try to prove her point.

y/n finally turned to look at her.

"this is what i mean. you're miserable, elle. your smile's the most beautiful thing in the world, but it doesn't reach your eyes anymore."

elle tried to open her mouth to say something, but nothing came out.

"i can't sit here and watch you wilt away like this anymore," y/n got up from the bed and walked toward the door.

"where're you going?" elle finally found her voice.

"honestly... i don't know."

the door shut quietly behind her, and elle was left all alone in the dark room.

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

gideon walked down the stairs and saw that half of his team was still there.

"doesn't anybody ever go home?" he asked.

"you're here," elle shrugged.

"exactly my point. you don't wanna model your social lives after mine," gideon said as he opened the fridge for a late night snack.

"if it makes you feel any better, hotch and morgan are gone," jareau said.

"hotch is married, and morgan is... well, they've both got partners to get back to," reid said.

gideon shot a quick glance toward elle, but elle was too busy staring at her coffee mug and sulking to notice.

"so what's this case about?"

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

as elle took out the small complementary bottles of alcohol out, she heard a two bits knock on her door.

"hey," reid said with a small smile once elle opened the door.

"hi," elle greeted back.

"are you okay?" reid asked, getting straight to the point.

"yeah, why wouldn't i be?" elle asked.

instead of answering, reid entered the room.

"no, really, come right in," elle said, her lips flattening out into a line.

she grabbed the small bottles that she had gotten out and made her way to the table.

she almost rolled her eyes as reid gave her a confused look.

"what? you wanna check my i.d.?"

reid followed her to the table.

"so... why're you here?" elle asked as she opened one of the bottles.

"i thought... maybe you'd wanna talk," reid shrugged.

"don't go all profiler on me," elle scoffed and shook her head.

"elle, you got shot in your own home, and then you came back to work like nothing even happened. thinking you might want to talk isn't profiling you. it's psych 101," reid said, trying to keep things light.

elle sighed and took a sip of her drink.

"please?" reid asked in a slightly begging tone.

elle gave in and offered one of the small bottles to reid.

in response, he hesitantly grabbed a glass and took the seat across from elle.

"after he shot me, he reached into my wound, so he could write on the wall in my blood," elle paused. "i was barely conscious, but i could feel his hand in there... and sometimes it's like i can still feel it."

reid took some time to think of what to say. "elle, he's dead. and you're... you're right here. you won."

elle kept herself from scoffing or sighing. instead, she raised her glass.

"then here's to winning."

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

as lee's body was loaded, hotchner shook his head in disbelief.

sure, the officer had told him that elle was cleared, but hotchner knew the truth.

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

"she hasn't confessed to anything?" gideon asked.

"no," hotchner shook his head even though the other couldn't see it.

"well, you're doing the right thing," the man on the phone reassured.

"i know." did he know?

"i'll see you when i land."

"gideon?" elle asked as she leaned into hotchner's office.

"yeah."

"tell him i said bye."

elle fully walked into the office with her gear in hand, placing them down on hotchner's desk.

"this is not an admission of guilt."

"right," hotchner said, holding back a scoff.

"you know, when i first started this job, the sound of my phone ringing, a call from the bureau... i used to get so excited. the blood would race through my veins, but now... that same sound paralyzes me. i'm not the same person anymore," elle said with her arms folded around her. "that day, i was alone in the one place i have the right to feel safe, and that's my home. just like those women have the right to feel safe in their homes. our homes were stolen from us. that night, if i had to do it all over again, i wouldn't change a thing."

"even though you killed someone?" hotchner asked.

elle let out a sigh that was close to turning into a scoff. of course hotchner wouldn't even try to understand.

"garner stole everything from me. my home, and the one person that made it a home in the first place," elle said, her voice so shaky that if hotchner didn't know any better he'd expect her to start crying.

"elle," hotchner tried. he didn't know what to say.

"i guess that's it then," elle said with a slight shake of her head.

she turned toward the door and opened it wide enough to get past it, but she paused.

"you know, when i first joined the team, i couldn't figure out why you never ever smile," she said bleakly. "now, even if quitting the job i desperately wanted is what it's gonna take, i'm gonna go find my smile again."

and with that, elle walked out of his office.

elle to y/n: i'm chasing after my smile. wanna help me?

❥๑━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━๑❥

a/n;

as with apparently all of my works, i had an idea and then had no idea how to execute it.

idk elle's last scene in the boogeyman broke my heart, and i wanted to believe that she left to lead a happier life.

i thought "smile" would be a cute idea, but i feel like it's just really messy and incomprehensible like you never know what's going on in the text because the transitions are weird idk.

[sambergscott]

a peralta guarantee

“I promise I’ll come home safe, Ames. That’s a Peralta Guarantee.”

(missing scenes from 7x08 - amy worrying about jake)

hUge thanks to johanna for inspiring this fic and helping when i had a lil breakdown halfway through

When he approaches her desk mid-afternoon with a decaf coffee and the white chocolate chip cookies she’s been craving from the bakery across town, she knows he’s either a) broken something, b) wants something or c) has bad news. She narrows her eyes suspiciously, detecting an excited bounce in his step which can only mean it’s b and c; he wants something she’s not going to like.

“Hey, babe,” he tries to play it cool, clearing a butt-sized space on her desk on which to sit. “I come bearing gifts.”

“What do you want, Peralta?” She cuts to the chase.

“Damn it, you know me too well,” he mutters. “OK, so, here’s the thing: Doug Judy’s gettin’ married. He invited me to his Bachelor Party this weekend and I know he’s a criminal, Ames, but I really wanna go. Like, so bad. Would you be cool with that?”

She conjures up a mental pro and con list. On one hand, Doug Judy is The Pontiac Bandit, known felon, committer of God knows how many crimes, an overall bad dude. On the other, he’s Jake’s friend, singer of the smush songs CD in the glove box of their car that they always forget to take out, giver of the Le Creuset pot she adores. He’s always been nice to her and—.

“Sarge?” Gary interrupts her decision-making process with a quick question about a perp he just brought in, snapping her back to reality. She’s a Police Sergeant, her job is to serve and protect the city they call home and as much as she loves cooking her mom’s beef casserole recipe in Judy’s awesome wedding gift, she has a responsibility to bring him in.

“I’m sorry, babe. I just think it’s a bad idea.”

His face falls, his disappointment coming through loud and clear.

“What were you expecting me to say? Ignore the million arrest warrants out on this guy, many of them submitted by you, so you can drink beer and go to strip clubs?”

“You’re right,” he sighs. “You’re obviously right. Man, being good at your job sucks.”

She nods in agreement. “Remember last month when I had to shut that binder store down for running a secret drug dealing operation out back?”

“How could I forget? You cried for three days straight.”

“They had the best binder collection I’ve ever seen!”

(It was actually what was so fishy about it. In four trips to buy pregnancy binders, she hadn’t seen any of the founding members of the Brooklyn Binder Babes blog — Mary Sue, Catherine, Margaret or Jane — once. And there’s no way a stationery start-up would attract such long queues without their recommendation. It was a pretty easy solve from there).

“The point is, you can’t go to a criminal’s Bachelor Party.” She pats his hand. “You’ll just have to come maternity clothes shopping with me instead. None of my jeans fit me anymore.”

“As much as I would love to, you can take Kylie. I’m going to the party.”

“What?” She double-takes. “Jake, did you not listen to what I literally just said? We’re cops. We cannot be friends with criminals.”

“But we can be friends with informants who have helped us catch numerous, even bigger, more dangerous criminals,” he says with that look on his face, the one he gets when he finds a loophole that he can use to his advantage. She recognises it from home videos Karen has shown her where, instead of tidying his room like she asked him to, seven year old Jake shoves everything under his bed and carries on enacting a police chase with his race cars. “Captain Holt has given him immunity before, so technically I should be able to go party it up with him in Miami!”

“Wait... It’s in Miami? Miami... Florida?”

It’s a stupid question, she knows. Of course he means Miami, Florida. It’s just... they both promised on the flight home that they would never, ever go back there. After everything that happened with Figgis and not knowing if they’d ever see each other again, a statewide travel ban seemed a good way to put it all behind them, focus on all their future moments together, not on all the moments they missed.

“This isn’t like last time,” he reassures her. “It’s only for a weekend and then I’ll be coming straight home for snuggles with you and —,” he lowers his voice to a whisper because they haven’t told anyone she’s pregnant yet, “the baby.”

Her eyes fill with tears and she bites her lip so hard to stop them overflowing in front of all her uniformed officers. It’s pretty clear that he wants to go and she never wants to be one of them wives who control their husbands’ every move. All she wants is for him to be happy. And if going to Doug Judy’s Bachelor Party makes him happy, he should go, no matter how much she hates the entire state of Florida. She agrees, on one condition: “You have to text me hourly updates to let me know that you’re still alive.”

“Don’t I text you constantly anyway?”

“I guess so,” she sniffs.

He lifts her chin so she’s looking him in the eyes. “I promise I’ll come home safe, Ames. That’s a Peralta guarantee.”

“You better,” she warns, tears suddenly flowing down her face at the thought of him not coming home, not being there to watch Property Brothers with her, not raising their baby and proving to everyone what a great dad he will be.

Used to her extra strength pregnancy hormones shifting her emotions from 0 to 100 faster than John McClane can say “Yippie-Ki-Yay, motherfucker”, he pulls her into a tight hug, careful not to crush the precious cargo that is behind said mood swings.

He strokes her hair and whispers that he’ll be home before she knows it and that nothing, not even the worst state in the country, will tear him away from her.

When it’s time for him to leave, she follows him out to the street and, after a brief argument over the fact he packed his bag before he OK’ed the trip with her and another hormone-induced cry when his cab shows up, reluctantly waves goodbye.

True to his word, he texts her before the car is even out of sight. Miss you already 😘.

--

Her phone buzzes periodically throughout the rest of the day.

In a meeting with Holt and Terry: flying on mark cuban’s dope ass private plane!!!!! ✈️

Cooking dinner: florida is HOT (not as hot as u babe, dont worry)

Doing her crossword in bed: g’night ames, g’night baby, love u both SO MUCH

She smiles, tells him she loves him too and braces herself for the barrage of drunk texts and selfies coming her way.

--

Sleeping without him sucks. The bed is cold, her pregnancy pillow is not as good of a cuddle buddy and she tosses and turns all night worrying about him, where he is, what he’s doing, whether he’s safe.

Her eyes finally slip shut around 1 am when her phone buzzes. Again. And again. And again.

She tries to ignore him, bury her head under her pillow and go back to sleep, but the messages keep coming thick and fast. She groans, giving up and unlocking her phone.

There are 47 new messages from him.

Forty-seven.

Her initial annoyance at being woken up quickly disappears as she scrolls through the thread. He’s mostly sent her random, meaningless emojis and keysmashes, interspersed with the odd “I love you”, “you’re my best friend” and “I’m thinking about you” that warm her heart. He mentions something about their proposal, about crying with Doug Judy, which obviously makes her cry too.

(Dumb pregnancy hormones).

By the time she reaches the bottom, he’s sent her 10 more.

She decides for her sake — and the sake of all of her officers who would have to deal with a tired, emotional pregnant lady — to turn off her phone and reply to him in the morning.

She returns her phone to her nightstand, settles back into a comfortable position and closes her eyes.

She lies motionless for what feels like hours, unable to fall asleep. She tries the breathing technique her brother David brags about constantly, counting sheep like little Matthew, even reciting police codes like Teddy used to go to sleep after sex. Nothing works. She’s still awake.

She turns her phone back on to see what Jake’s up to now, only to see his messages ended abruptly with a caterpillar emoji over an hour ago.  

She immediately panics, dialling 911 into her phone.

Her thumb hovers over the green call button.

She’s heard thousands of crazy operator call stories, frequently reminded the general population to only call in a genuine emergency and watched the YouTube compilations for fun. She deletes the number, positive that if she told an operator her husband was missing because she hadn’t heard from him while he’s at a Bachelor Party, she’s positive she would be added to those videos.

In an attempt to stop her spiral, she contemplates the possible scenarios in which his constant texts would cease.

Scenario 1: He’s living in the moment and has put his phone away (something she has been encouraging him to do lately to reduce his screen time)

Scenario 2: He’s very drunk and has completely forgotten about his promise

Scenario 3: He used up all his battery texting her and his phone has died

Scenario 4: He’s fallen asleep (although a quick check of Trudy Judy’s insta reveals the party is very much still in full flow)

Scenario 5: Judy’s criminal buddies have killed him and thrown his body into the ocean

Once the thought pops into her head, no amount of squeezing her eyes shut will make the image go away.

Holt giving an emotional eulogy about wearing ties and being an amazing detective/genius.  

Some rookie taking over his desk.  

The sympathetic looks when she tells all the other moms in baby group that her husband died.  

Usually Jake is there to hold her when her nightmares get bad. She rolls over, expecting to see his kind eyes and soft smile, the untouched side of his bed only serving to make her cry harder.

She can’t lose him. Not yet. Not until they’re old and grey, and maybe not even then. She spent so long denying her feelings for her dorky partner, rueing every missed opportunity to be together, and when they finally, finally took the plunge, she had never been happier. She can’t lose him yet. They have so much more life left to live.

She can’t lose him because he promised her he would come home safe. He guaranteed it.

She clings onto the tiny grain of hope like one might cling onto a raft in the middle of the ocean.

He would never break a Peralta guarantee.

--

Her phone finally buzzes again an hour later.

From: Unknown

Ames, it’s me, Jake. Judy’s buddies found out I’m a cop + destroyed my phone. So sorry I couldn’t text before. Hope you didn’t worry too much, although I know you probably haven’t slept. You can stop worrying now. I’m safe. Love you + see you tomorrow.  

Love you too, she responds, yawning as she places the phone back on the side table.

Relieved that he’s OK, and exhausted from all the worrying, she falls into the easiest sleep she’s ever had.

--

Before she knows it, it’s the next afternoon, Jake’s keys are turning in the lock, he’s dropping his holdall on the floor and rushing to her side to kiss her all over her face.

“I missed you too,” she laughs, kissing him properly.

“Sorry it took so long — Doug and Trudy made me fly commercial —.”

“Don’t worry about it. You’re home now. That’s all that matters.”

“I’m never leaving you two again,” he swears.

“You’ll have to leave us eventually to go to the bathroom and stuff,” she points out, raking her fingers through the unruly curls that she so hopes their baby will inherit. “Just don’t go back there.”

A solemn understanding passes over his face and he nods. “Never again. Not even if our kid wants to go to Disney World. We’ll take them to the California one instead.”

“Smort,” she says, stealing his line and in an instant, that familiar grin is back.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

A dozen memories flood back, of oldies in short shorts and shuffleboard and Doug Judy getting away again. Of noice and smort and saying “I love you” for the very first time. Her eyes fill with tears — dumb pregnancy hormones strike again — as she buries her face in his shoulder.

“Let’s go to bed,” he whispers, pressing a kiss to the top of her head and lifting her bridal style to carry her to their room. He places her carefully onto the mattress and flops down next to her.

She snuggles into him, eyes closing once more. “Did we even get an invite to the wedding?”

“Not even close,” he sighs.

“Damn it. I would’ve loved to see that trainwreck.”

“You and me both, babe. You and me both.”

[luci-cunt]

Tell me about Magneto🤭

MAY YOU CAN’T SEE IT BUT IM KISSING YOU SO PASSIONATELY RIGHT NOW

Ok so listeeennnn tooooo meeeee, okokokok, so a while ago I went on this James McAvoy bender--don’t ask--and I saw he was in the X-Men movies, whic hi haven’t watched since the Wolverine movies/ Last Stand when I was like, actually a baby. So anyways I flipped them on thinking “yeah what could go wrong?” except I watched them in the wrong order

Anyways here’s an essay on why neither Erik or Prof X was right and the actual answer would be to compromise and these movies how how because they’re both too stubborn and couldn’t it destroyed their friendship and fucked everything up. 

Also the fact that X-Men: First Class is the best Villain origin story to ever cross the screen.

Ok so spoilers ahead for X-Men: Days of Future Past and X-Men: First Class

Now, it should be noted that I’m no an X-Men expert I just love these two movies. 

So for some context: First Class and Days of Future Past are both kind of prequels, except DoFP is a prequel-sequel?? becuase of time travel?? I’ll explain don’t worry. The point is, they take place in the past where all the characters are younger. James McAvoy plays Professor X (who I’ll just be calling X for this whole thing), Michael Fassbender plays Magneto (aka Erik), oh and Jennifer Lawrence plays Mystic--who will be appearing in this essay XDD. 

Alright so first of all have a plot summary: DoFP is about Wolverine getting sent back in time so he can convince a younger Prof X to stop Raven (aka Mystic) from getting caught by this guy Trask who then uses her DNA to create super weapons that irradiate all mutants. The current future Wolverine is in, he, prof X, Magneto, and a few other mutants are trying their best to survive but it’s a losing battle and their only hope is to literally change the past. 

This one takes place after the events of First Class, which I will now explain. 

So in First Class a younger Prof X and Magneto team up to find and recruit bb mutants to X’s school because the government wants to use Mutants to help fight the Russians (oh head this takes placee in the 1960′s right before the Cuban Missile Crisis). This is essentially a Magneto origin story and also--in my opinion--the best villain origin story to ever cross the screen. 

OK so now some details on our main characters: 

Magneto/ Erik Lehnsherr: a literal holocaust survivor who’s only goal in the begining of the story is hunting/ killing nazi’s, specifically one nazi who tortured him specifically and I will get into him later don’t worry. 

Professor X: super smart rich white boy with a heart of gold but also enough naivete to make a lamb look like a Stephen King character. 

Already you can see very stark differences between the two of them. Erik is set up as being a staunch pessimist while X is a vivid optimist, and that makes sense. X’s grown up sheltered and never wanting for anythign while Erik suffered a trainwreck of the greatest traumas in human existence hitting him over and over and over again from like age fucking 9. 

Ok also tehre’s J-Law’s character Raven, who is a mutant that can change her skin to look like anythign she wants it to but her actual form is blue/ scaly/ “not pretty” (bullshit but ok). She met X when she broke into his house one night to steal some food and then they became friends, their relationship will become important later but for now that’s all u need to know. 

ok so anyways, in the begining of First Class Erik is hunting + killing Nazi’s, specifically looking for this one called Schmidt because when Erik was little he and his family were carted away to a concentration camp where Schmidt witness Erik use his metal bending powers and decided to “train” him. aka physically/ mentally abuse him for years. The whole thing starts with Schmidt trying to get Erik to lift a metal coin with his mind, when he can’t (because he’s a child who didn’t even know he had his powers until literally hours ago) Schmidt puts his mother’s life on the line and when he still can’t Schmidt kills her. This sends Erik it’s a rage and he crushes some nazi heads but then Schmidt is still standing and mentions how “oh gotcha, so it’s rage and pain that’s the key to your powers huh?” anyways this tidbit and the coin will become important later trust me--

Meanwhile Prof X is graduating from Oxford/ generally being an idiot pretty boy. He’s a telepath who knows about his powers and has used them from an early age. He also wrote some big paper on mutants, which gets the attention of an FBI agent who witnesses the villains being mutants and wants his advice

However, the villains just so happen to be Schmidt, who’s going by “Shaw” now, so when X and the agents catch up to him Erik is already there and on a mission to murder his ass. Some bs happens, Erik tries to pull a submarine out of the water but can’t (T-T this will be important) and X jumps into the water to stop him because the mental stress is literally killing him. 

That’s how they meet. 

It’s important to note: up until this point, Erik didn’t know there were other mutants, so meeting X, who’s friends with Raven, is kind of a big deal for him. He and X become very fast friends and also have a very homoerotic montage where they become dads for a bunch of mutant teenagers, because they realize they can use X to track all these baby mutants, collect them, and train them so they don’t grow up fearing their powers. 

Anyways, the other thing about this is that now that Erik has this newfound group of people that are just like him, he’s opening up, and X is helping him realize he’s actually so much more powerful when he taps into happy memories rather than fueling himself on pain and rage. This scene always makes me sob oh my god--

Also, fellas--is it gay to “access the brightest cortex” of your homies memories and remind him that hate and pain are not good motivators before reminding him that he has good memories he can draw on and showing him that his life has not been entirely painful?

YEs, the answer is yes are u shitting me??

ok so anyways--something to note about this is that X and Erik are both very protective of all their new kids, but Erik is especially so. I’m going to be getting into this more but just tab thsi thought for later :)

Now, the plot’s kicking up a bit, because it’s at this point that Erik and X capture one of Shaw’s (aka the nazi’s) main lackies and they question her until she gives them the info that Shaw’s planning on using the Cuban Missile Crisis tensions to start a nuclear war to wipe out all humans so that only mutants survive in the new world. 

Obviously they want to stop him, but also, you can kind of tell that Erik is not totally against this plan, which only gets to be more later but that’s for later. 

Right now I wanna take a quick break to talk about Raven--aka Mystic, aka J-Law. She and X were childhood friends and she kind of clung to him because she doesn’t have family/ anyone she can really be herself around besides him. 

X insistently says throughout the movie he sees her as a sister, but it’s kinda obvious she’d be down to fuck. She has this big plotline where she keeps trying to get X to understand why it’s so frustrating for her to have to be using energy to look “human.” Because her natural form is the one with the blue skin. X doesn’t understand this because his power is easy to hide, it’s simple for him to just fake-human and have no one be any wiser, Raven, however, doesn’t have that luxury and when she tries to explain this to X it just flies over his head, insisting she hide her natural self to better fit in if that’s what she really wants. 

Queue Erik, who comes in as a king of self love. He’s pretty blunt about it, but his point is basically “you’re wasting energy by constantly pretending you’re something you’re not--stop” and she responds essentially with “yeah but then no one will like me” to which he responds “then make them.”  

Raven’s relationship with both the boys is used through both First Class and DoFP to really highlight their faults. X believes humans and mutants can coexist but he thinks we go about doign that by completely ignoring the pages of history of abuse mutants have suffered--and it’s mostly because he hasn’t experienced it. 

Erik on the other hand will do everything and anything he possibly can to protect his new family/ people, and in his head that means exterminating any and all threats. By the end of the movie--humans become one of those threats. 

The point of this whole ramble is that: they both represent utter opposites, BUT, X’s blind optimism and Erik’s blind pessimism are equally bad.

Ok so back to plot for a second to prove this. 

Shaw is revealed to be a mutant himself and he also has a helmet that can block telepathy. (yes it’s the magneto helmetjasjd;fkjaskl;dfjasldkj jsut wait).

His plan’s complicated but basically: he’s going to poke America and Russia until they pop and incite a nuclear war. And it works. The whole pre-climax of the film sees X, Erik, Raven, and the other mutants all working double time to stop Shaw’s plan (AND IT INVOLVES ERIK SUCCESSFULLY PULING A SUBMARINE OUT OF THE WATER!!! BECAUSE NOW HE’S USING HAPPINESS INSTEAD OF ANGER/ PAIN!!!). 

Anywho, they’re doing all this, but then some bullshit happens, the plane they’re on crashes oh and -- yeah there’s this part where Erik uses himself as a seatbelt for X it’s fantastic but anyways--

This is finally the climax of the film. 

Also possibly the greatest scene in film history in my humble opinion. 

Because listen--in order to stop Shaw they need the helmet off of him so that X can telepathically freeze his ass and they can arrest him or whatever. So they split up--Erik rushes into the wreckage to find Shaw and X stays behind ready to freeze the guy as soon as the helmet comes off but--

Well, vengence is just too tempting. 

So when Erik gets Shaws helmet off, X freezes the guy, and he’s ecstatic, at least until he realizes Erik plans on killing Shaw. 

He’s pleading with Erik because this is vengence and he can’t chose that but Erik just puts on the helmet and--taunts Shaw, pulling out the coin Shaw taunted him with all those years ago and in a mimickry of the game Shaw forced him to play as a child and killed his mother over--he slowly floats the coin at Shaws head, telling him “I’m going to count to ten, and all you have to do is move.” 

But he can’t--because X is holding him--and that’s the point, Erik wants him as helpless as he was, and X can’t let his hold on Shaw go because that would mean putting Erik in danger but he’s also in Shaws head so he feels the coin go through his head as though Erik was doing it to him and the fucking cinematography in this scene is so fuaksdjf;laksjd;fjasd;lkfjadsl;asdjf;ljL:DKJFL:SDKJFL:D KFUCKKKKK

This scene is cinematic perfection don’t fucking lOOK at me unless you agree.

T-T and then, it only gets worse, because now Erik’s finally finished his original purpose--killing the man who killed his mother and ruined his life--and now he’s got a new one, aka protecting his new family aka the mutants. 

AND HE’S ONLY PROVEN RIGHT THAT HUMANS ARE A THREAT BECAUSE THEY TURN AND TRY TO KILL ALL THE MUTANTS IN THE PLANE CRASH AND JSUT--

And so he stops all the missiles flying their way, and turns them around on the humans and X has to stop him but he’s not listening and the rawest fucking line in the whole movie comes when X says

“There’s hundreds of men on those ships--innocent men. They’re just following orders!” 

And Erik simply replies, “I’ve been at the mercy of men ‘just following orders’--never again.” 

And then he goes to blow up the shipsthen one of the other characters goes to shoot Erik and he deflects the bullet wtihout thinking right. into. X’s. back. 

Paralysing him. 

And just akjd;fjasdflkjasd;lfkj this scene speaks for itself

Listen just--akjdsf;ljasdlk jguys this movie has no right being this good.

And then the movie closes off with X and Erik literally begging one another to just see it their way--because they both want so badly to be on the same side but they’re too stubborn and they refuse to see compromise and just ajkdf;lja;sdkfja;sdljkfsadlkf

Ok I realize now that I barely talked about DoFP but this is already so long. The major things I was going to bring up was teh absolutely fantastic bitter exes energy that McAvoy and Fassbender bring to that movie it’s excellent but also the fact that X is literally the only person Erik goes out of his way not to kill despite standing directly in the way of Erik’s goal. 

Like, you remember my whole deal with Raven??? yeah that’s x10 in DoFP (which takes place quickly after this movie) yeah so her and Erik are close, and shown to be close, but the second he thinks she endangers his fam he literally 180′s so quick and tries to straight up murder her. 

BUT HE FUCKING BENDS THE BULLET AROUND X’s HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! X!!!!!!!!!! WHO’S LITERALLY 100% AGAINST HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JUST

Ok, that’s all. By the way I don’t want to like, up your expecations too much because I actually kind of hate X-Men: First Class almost as much as I love it?? it’s very..... of it’s era, and cheesy, and dumb--but fucking magneto you guys holy SHIT

[itsdappleagain]

CS Season 3 Thoughts...

Okay, overall?? Kinda disappointed, like a lot of people. Only five episodes, its been covered. Its disappointing. But lets go over them, shall we...

The Luchadora Tango Caper

Overall thoughts? Well, this season seems so....separated? Kind of out of character and disconnected. I’ll go over why at the end.

Haha, do the Cleaners do everything?? They can cook, rig explosives, kidnap people, play bagpipes, fly a helicopter...is technology really their weakness? Oops. That’s not for another few episodes.

Poor Cleo. She seems rather out of character in this season too. All she wants is to be warm. Throughout, she seems so...almost inexperienced? Where’s the sharp-tongued, sarcastic, delicate in taste and style Cleo we know? She’s there in places.....just...

They faked us out. I thought we were going to see Carmen tangoing. Also, is it just me, or is there a lot of...leg wrapping...this season..?

Ah yes, thank you, musical cues, I was worried Shadow-san had torn Carmen to pieces since Season 3. That’s her triumph score; maybe its like a “welcome back to cs” or something. Honestly, the whole “she’s been missing all summer” seems weird and unexplained, and unnecessary.

Does Veracruz exist? Yes, it does, how did that fly under our radars?

“I have his eyes” tore me to bits. Oh my gosh what a line. She’s seeing her father for the first time.

Thank you for showing us the 10 passports and giving us some pictures, we will never hear anything about Dexter or Vera after this episode again

She was an adorable baby and Carmen acknowledging this is hilarious

“Who may I have the pleasure of declining?” is another really funny line to me

This fight between Carmen and Spinkick has no suspense and its really a bad one to be honest, but holy crap Spinkick can dent stone lol

It makes a lot of sense that Catching Carmen Sandiego 101 is a class now, lol. I really want to see it. That- those fights were horrible by the way. Does Shadowsan know how to use the bolas? Because we know Carmen sure can’t.

Coach sure does like making messes and ruining tables

Ivy is so supportive this season and I am here for it. Kinda unlike Zack who is just “Hi, I hate fish and I misunderstand names” guy.

Yeah Maelstrom, what the hell did you let her walk for? Brunt easily captured her and you want to enforce sketchy psychological doubts in her mind? What?

Don’t show your face, Maelstrom says to Brunt. You know. After kidnapping a law enforcer with apparently perfect face memory recall who now has your face plastered all over wanted posters. Oh, and that Lutedor you knocked out didn’t see your face either

There is so much indirect calling Carmen good looking this season? What? I mean she is but it is so weird

Zack saying juicy steaks is so so uncomfortable

Carmen is so disengaged this season???? *Finds a link to her mother and pictures of her father* oh its another *sad sigh* link to my past. *Wow, you look like your mother, and I knew her, and her name!* Oh. Can you tell me about her.. Family is Carmen’s main trigger and source of steam in s1 and, mostly, s2. Now we get actual parts about it and she seems like she doesn’t care.

HAHA! Julia even gets her own little entrance with music and “camera” angles. And she is SO dismissively sassy sometimes in this season, I love what little we do get of her. I mean it is REALLY out of character, she hardly ever gets sassy/angry. But everyone is out of character so what the hell might as well enjoy it

“We have a fresh Carmen sighting!” Devineaux: “Haha!” Julia: *sigggggghhh* Julia girl, whats up? Please don’t leave forever. I know you said your head was in the game but your heart wasn’t, but? What? Why? Your heart seems to have been in it in season 2! Did you have a really bad summer??

Player has a space alien and a sock on his dresser and why am I not surprised

Okay, Carmen, because sitting down against a door you’re waiting to open (and you have waited for three seconds) is a great thing to do

Hahhaha Player. “I’m sorry, did you not attend a school for thieves?” Carmen is so sad though “Hey, just broke into your house, I’m your long lost daughter” and she should be sadder about the long lost daughter thing!??! It is so out of character!?!?

And so, Uncatchable Master Super Thief Carmen Sandiego breaks into an unknown house without checking it for people or weapons, after waiting three seconds to be let in. What? What?

The casual use of “mommy” and “daddy” is so, so very strange and I hate it a lot

*Snort* Zack and Ivy are doing their best but it is sot hard to see how they got caught by VILE in TSONTS

jgkjjdf Ivy just slings Zack to the floor and he can not move her an inch

I love Lupe a lot and I hope she returns

Carmen is more wholesome in this season too, it seems, probably because of this whole disengaged character shift but its cute

Devineaux *s t r u t s*

I would be concerned if Chief hadn’t made him take the driving course but I was still terrified for Julia’s life ALSO JULIA JUST. ROLLS HER EYES SASSY QUEEN

How is it that Zack and Ivy haven’t been arrested or killed yet, they have been seen so many times with her

Ah, yes. The famed roses scene. Okay, fine, fine....ugh

Julia is looking for Carmen behind because she learned her lesson with Devineaux! yes

Julia knows what is up but Devineaux gesturing at the trophies is pretty funny

Carmen just gets yoinked off her feet by Brunt and it is the most concerned she has been all season and will be all season because getting lifted off your feet in a crowded public place with strong friends and lawmen all around is much scarier than being electrocuted, kidnapped, and gagged on a plane going to an unknown location

Coach Brunt was the Imposter

“This isn’t your fight,” Carmen says, instead of accepting help from the woman who she has seen easily lift probably 300 pounds or more to help her get rid of the lady who’s tried to murder her like twice and nearly succeeded

Oh my gosh Devineaux actually spots her peeking out and recognizes her instead of blindly following Zack/Ivy and Carmen is PEEKING OUT WHY

Carmen is handcuffed and its really funny She just drags him along like later would be a much better time for her fhdgfkhdhsf Also she is much funnier when she threatens people with a bumbling idiot cuffed to her wrist, although he is much less of a bumbling idiot this season, I must say

Of. Course. Carmen has a device which just unlocks handcuffs why wouldn’t she?!

How is Devineaux not dead

HAHA SHE JUST EXAPSERATEDLY DRAGS HIM AWAY “COME ON DEVINEAUX” that is quiet honestly hilarious to me like “My god why do I have to keep dragging you out of stupidly dangerous situations involving Brunt where you get injured”

Oh? Did they rehearse Lupe jumping off Carmen’s back? Lupe had no way to know Carmen was strong or steady enough to handle that

Saira cackling at Brunt getting beat up is the best thing I’ve ever witnessed and she is drawing a thief cat oh my god

Did Lupe still win if that wasn’t her opponent and she had help from Carmen and a debatably helpful policeman

Julia my child what happened to you? Why are you like Zari now?

Devineaux just can’t keep a car in good condition ever can he? I love how Julia just stands there covering her mouth with her hands

My god Carmen are you going to tell your story and motives to every person you meet this season? Oh? Yes? Oh, okay

No, Brunt, not a single soul saw your face. Nope. 

VILE is so, so very unsinister during most of these episodes. They went from murder and trauma to pumpkin carving and nougat

Well, anyway. I’ll do more episodes coming soon.

[esther-ti-designs]

Hey everyone, uhh so I have some tea for you all.

So I met this guy (I’ll refer to him as J) during the last meeting of the quarter for the graphic design club last fall.  Here’s everything that happened between December 5 through February 22.

December 5

Honestly, I haven’t noticed J at any of the previous meetings, but that one night, he just came up to me out of the blue and complimented me on my cozy winter gear.

So J and I happened to be taking Intro to Design that quarter and we talked about our group projects for the class, which we just turned in earlier that day (I had just pulled two consecutive all-nighters and had just taken a 3-hour nap prior to the meeting, so I was very sleep deprived at this point).  We continued our conversation while walking down some stairs and outside the building, and he asked me about other clubs that I’m involved in, to which I told him that I’m the secretary and Head of Hufflepuff for the Harry Potter Alliance (HPA) and that I’m also in the ballroom dance club.  He seemed very interested in HPA.  He mentioned that he played second violin in the video game orchestra (VGO) and that they were having a quarterly concert that weekend.  A friend in HPA had promoed the VGO concert the night before, but I wasn’t really interested, as I had no knowledge of video game music.  J and I exchanged Instagram handles and later that night, I answered all of his questions about HPA.  Then on Sunday, sort of at the last minute, I found out that a few friends from HPA were going to the VGO concert and I went along because $5 for a concert is not bad, and I haven’t been to an orchestra performance in a while.  The concert was so much better than I expected!

December 9

Finals week just started and J randomly asked if I was studying on campus 👀

December 11

We met up at a boba shop near my apartment to study for the Intro to Design final (it was raining pretty hard and J refused to have me bike out to campus in the rain).  We studied off a Quizlet set for about 3 hours until my laptop’s battery was running low, and then we talked for another couple hours!  It turns out we have a lot in common!  We’re both only children, 22 years old, left-handed, design majors (J is actually a design and managerial economics double major), and we play the violin (I used to play violin and cello, but I digress).  Oh and we both have an iNTeResTinG injury story haha.  Then, before we went our separate ways, he gave me a one-armed hug, which I couldn’t reciprocate because I had my arms full with a cup of boba and my umbrella.

December 12

J DM’ed me out of the blue asking for my Spotify wrapped up.  I normally don’t give in to trends easily, and this was something I wasn’t really interested in sharing with the entire world, but I shared it with him anyways (Spoiler: It’s mostly Game of Thrones soundtracks, Taylor Swift, and BTS).  Despite being an orchestra nerd, I find it really difficult keeping up with popular music, and my musical taste stays fairly consistent even several years later.  I was kind of expecting him to laugh at my musical taste, but he actually complimented me for liking dramatic tv/film soundtracks.  And then we arranged another study session right before the design final.

December 13

The Intro to Design final was supposed to be 50 questions, all multiple-choice, no trick questions.  It was supposed to be really easy, and I thought we got almost everything down at the previous study session.  So why were we having another study session right before the exam?  I thought either he really wanted an A in the class, or he wanted to see me again before we went on winter break.  Right before going in for the exam, he asked if I wanted to meet up again for a “post-final celebration” when we were done with the exam.  Okay, now I was really starting to think he wanted to spend some more time with me before winter break 👀

So after the design final, we walked down to one of two boba shops on the edge of campus and downtown.  We both ordered our drinks, he got some popcorn chicken, and we talked for four hours!  I can’t remember everything we talked about, but time really flew by.  And then, before we went home, he gave me a one-armed hug again.

December 14

I had plans to fly home to LA today.  I had spent the previous night cleaning my apartment and packing stuff (I managed to forget to bring a pair of sneakers because, for some reason, dumbass me decided to wear heeled boots to the airport because ~fashion~).  I was sitting in the airport, about to board the plane, when I got a message from J.  He remembered that I was flying that day and was asking if I got home safely.  Aww he actually cares.  I told him that I would be boarding soon and will be offline for the next couple hours.  And then I updated him when I got off the plane, when my parents picked me up at LAX, while we sat in the typical LA traffic, until we all made it home.

December 15 - January 5

Over the next few weeks of winter break, we messaged each other a couple times every day.  We shared pictures of the holiday decorations in our home, and I shared pictures and video clips of my pet bunny too.  On Chistmas Eve, he asked if I had any plans, to which I told him we were going out for dinner to celebrate my mom’s birthday.  He wished my mom happy birthday and I passed the birthday wishes to my mom. “Hey mom, my friend says happy birthday.” “Thank you — who???” And I had to tell my mom about J (whoops).  Her judgmental ass was not exactly happy to hear that J is a Caucasian dude from yeehaw country, and after showing her J’s Instagram feed, she was not a fan of his art style smh.  Anyways, the day I was coming back to Davis, J was like AHHHH you’re back!!!!!!!  Just pure excitement 💖

January 9 - 16

We met up at yet another boba shop after the first week of classes.  Our meeting was shorter than all our previous meetings, because I had to bike back to give an apartment tour later that afternoon.  Two weeks into the winter quarter, we met after our design studio classes and walked to an HPA meeting together.  We also went to a graphic design club meeting together, after which he offered to drive me home so that I wouldn’t have to bike with the cold wind on my face.  I trusted J at this point, so I gratefully accepted.  I think my trust in him went up at least 10 times in this moment, because J managed to secure my small and heavy bike to the bike rack on the back of his car, which already had his bike strapped in.  After dropping me off at my apartment, he invited me out for dinner that weekend (it was also MLK weekend).

January 18

J picked me up at 7.  The restaurant he chose was hella ~ f a n c y ~.  It was an Italian restaurant downtown with dim lighting and pasta priced at $13 - $16.  He said he didn’t know the place would be that fancy and that he trusted Yelp’s description of “casual Italian.”  I told a friend about our sort-of-date night and she thinks J picked a date-y restaurant on purpose 👀  Oh and my mom went the extra mile of writing down J’s name, the place we were going to, and I was to call home at 10 PM (I ended up getting back and called an hour early).

February 14 - Valentine’s Day ❤️

Unfortunately, J never came to another HPA meeting because the campus radio station, KDVS, holds meetings at the same time, and he’s trying to get a job with them.  And we don’t really see each other very often because design classes are usually 3-hours long and J is really busy with 5 classes.  But J has been super excited about Yule Ball ever since he met me.  J came over while I was tabling for ticket sales.  He mentioned that VGO was going to see Sonic that night, and invited me to hang with VGO.  Let me tell you, it was quite an experience and definitely not the typical Valentine’s Day date.

We pulled into a Sonic drive-in for dinner (because gotta get in that Sonic mood lol).  A girl introduced herself as D (name altered to protect identity, of course).  She clearly has some sort of leadership role in the group because everyone pays attention to her, but she constantly makes jokes about being everyone’s daddy.  The jokes are so vulgar and obscene.  It was like weirdest video game nerd and band kid hybrid (J later tells me she’s a violinist.  What?!  Orchestra people are usually super chill lol).  After dinner, we get in our cars and head down the street to the movie theater.  The VGO had reserved seats in Row J.  J and I had just booked our tickets several hours earlier and we were in Row F.  Throughout the movie, someone in the theater yelled at every pivotal moment (including, yes, that Tails reveal in the post credits).  J thoroughly enjoyed the movie and laughed along with whomever was yelling behind us, while I knew absolutely nothing going into it, except that Sonic is a blue hedgehog that can run super fast.  J also gave one additional bit of info before the movie: Sonic really likes chili corn dogs for some strange reason???

So that’s how my Valentine’s Day went lol

February 18

J came by around 3 in the afternoon, right before we were going to pack up for the day, and purchased a Yule Ball ticket.  He’s obviously very excited to go to Yule Ball with me but he says he doesn’t know how to dance.  I told him we have a waltz lesson planned.  He’s like aww and says he wants me to personally teach him (my heart 💕).  And as always, he gave me a hug before leaving to go to class.  Recently, I noticed that J has been giving full hugs instead of his usual one-armed hugs, though it depends on the situation.

February 22

✨❄️ Y u l e   B a l l ❄️✨

J and I arrived separately at Yule Ball because I had to help set up the venue for the event and I had spent the entire day working on an Azkaban wanted poster prop and literally finished it two hours before our meeting time for setting up the venue.  The dance was supposed to start at 7 PM and J got there early enough to help me out with last-minute decorations.  I had signed up to be in charge of the photobooth from 7 to 7:30, but no one came for pictures during that 30-minute period, so I was free for the rest of the night.  J and I had a fantastic time admiring the detailwork in the decorations around the venue and laughing and dancing to the weird selection of 2000s music.  J did pretty okay with learning waltz basics and I gave him tips here and there on standing in closed frame, balance, the slight tension in the left hand, etc.

Sometime towards the end of the night, my ballroom friend pulled me aside for a bathroom chat and asked if we’re dating.  I don’t know???  We haven’t decided to call it official so ??

After helping clean up everything at the end of the night, J dropped off a friend and right before turning to drop me off (I live across the street from that friend), he remembered that I hadn’t had actual food all day prior to Yule Ball (aww he actually cares, and he probably wanted some extra time with me even though my apartment was right there).  So we went downtown for (a very late) dinner.  While we chatted over food and boba, our conversation drifted towards soundtrack music and I mentioned The Theory of Everything soundtrack, my favorite soundtrack besides Game of Thrones.  J immediately searched up The Theory of Everything soundtrack album and streamed it on the way home (that’s some serious dedication right there), and he liked it!

Oh and I forgot to mention that J forgot to bring a jacket and I had a very warm scarf and coat, so we held onto each other with a one-armed hug while we walked to his car.  I really love his hugs, one-armed or full hugs.

I usually post a picture from Yule Ball every year so here’s this year’s!  Yep, that’s J.  And we’re both Ravenclaws :)

I’ll end this post here, so I don’t end up with a romance novel in a single post lol

[thirteen-beaxhes]

Our Last Words - Chapter 6

Summary:  In a universe where the last words your soulmate speaks to you are printed, Cyrus Goodman wants nothing more than to never meet them. And he definitely doesn’t want it to be the blonde-haired boy in his class.

ALL LINKS IN REBLOG

~~~~

come out and play - billie eilish

Well, this was getting ridiculous, Cyrus thought to himself, deciding to change his shirt for the third time in half an hour. He had to look as good as he could, while also keeping the outfit appropriate to the activities they were doing.

Snapping another picture of his new outfit, he sent it to his group chat with Andi and Buffy.

Cyrus: guys im freakin out

Buffy: not this again

Andi: cyrus tj wont care what ur wearing

Andi: hes probably freaking out about ur date rn

Buffy: exactly cy

Buffy: now will you just choose a goddam outfit n get ur man

Cyrus: ok ok just one more

Buffy: CYRUS GOODMAN DON’T YOU DARE

Andi: sry buffy u gotta deal with him alone. im hanging out with amber

Cyrus: ooooooooooh

Buffy: amber huh nice nice andi

Andi: …….

Andi: i hate u guys

Cyrus laughed quietly, shaking his head slightly. Oh Andi. Not realising how obvious her crush on Amber was. Not that Cyrus had any grounds to say anything to her on that. Cyrus sighed and went and grabbed another shirt, changing for what was now the fourth time.

He was acting stupid, he knew that. TJ wouldn’t care what he wore, but Cyrus did, and he wanted to look perfect for their first date. They were going to Adrenaline City, surprisingly Cyrus’ choice. He had been afraid to go on the new rollercoaster, mostly because he and heights really did not mix, Well, he and heights and loops and being upside down. But he had his motion sickness patches! And TJ would be there.

Cyrus smiled to himself, thinking about TJ. He was one of the only people who could convincingly talk Cyrus down from his fear spirals and calm him down. TJ always believed in him, no matter what. And he had helped him do so many things he never imagined he could ever do, like somersaults and even dirt biking. And those were their best moments together, Cyrus glancing towards the white ‘S’ shirt from their ‘Summer-salt’ costume, his heart soaring at the memory of that Costume Day.

He was so lucky.

Of course, there was a little voice in the back of his mind, reminding him about the thing, but Cyrus pushed it away. He wasn’t going to worry today. Besides, he’d make sure to be home before 5:30 pm just to be safe.

His phone chimed, a text from TJ telling him he was outside. Cyrus practically tripped and fell down the stairs to reach the door. Outside, he saw TJ standing, wearing a green shirt with a black jacket. He looked so good, death was just inevitable, wasn’t it.

“Wow, TJ. I didn’t know you owned anything other than hoodies or basketball shirts,” Cyrus said, running up to the boy.

“Ouch, Underdog. Bullet after bullet. Is my fashion really that bad?” TJ said, faking offence.

Cyrus just remained silent, giggling at the way TJ’s face morphed into one of shock as he lightly punched Cyrus in the shoulder.

“Wait, what? I thought you liked my style!”

“Liked is a strong word,” Cyrus replied, still giggling. TJ tried to fake anger but failed miserably, soon collapsing into laughter with Cyrus.

“So, shall we?” Cyrus asked, holding out his hand to TJ after they both had calmed down.

“I thought you’d never ask.” TJ replied, slipping his hand into Cyrus’.

Cyrus never expected holding TJ’s hand would feel so normal. Like it was something he was always meant to do. Like it was natural. They swung their hands slightly as they walked in comfortable silence, both constantly sneaking glances at each other. Often they would catch the other staring and look away, blushing messes. God, they were such saps.

Somehow, he just knew that he was going to have the best day of his life.

*

“Okay, TJ, I changed my mind. I really don’t wanna go on it,” Cyrus said, trying to turn around in fear.

“Come on, Cy. What is it scaring you? Is it the 7 loops or the fact that the ride is named ‘Death Trap’?” TJ joked, holding onto Cyrus so he couldn’t run away.

“Oh haha, very funny. Easy for a fearless athlete like you to be like this.”

“Hey,” TJ said, smiling brightly at Cyrus. “I’m right here, I’ll protect you.”

“Pinky promise?” Cyrus said, holding out his right pinky. “And I don’t care if we look like dorks.”

TJ laughed softly, linking his pinky with Cyrus’. “Promise. And I don’t mind looking like a dork if it’s with you.”

Can this boy try not to give Cyrus a heart attack for once in his life?

They went up to the booth, pinkies still linked, Cyrus feeling significantly less panicked and scared. And while he was scared out of his mind throughout the duration of the ride, with his hand firmly clasped with TJ’s, it wasn’t so bad.

*

After Cyrus’ stomach finally stopped doing somersaults, the two boys walked around the park, occasionally bumping into each other’s shoulders. They were currently having a very serious debate over whether chocolate chocolate chip muffins were better than blueberry macadamia ones. And it was no surprise who was on which side.

“How can you deny the absolute decadence of biting into a chocolate chocolate chip muffin? It’s a chocolate cake, and chocolate chips thrown in!” Cyrus argued.

“But how can you say that to the incredible fruity burst of flavour of blueberries and the crunch of macadamia nuts? How Cyrus how?” TJ replied, grabbing him by the shoulders and shaking him.

There was a moment of silence when they just looked into each other’s eyes, before collapsing into laughter.

“You know, this is probably the best date I have ever been on,” Cyrus said, as they continued walking.

TJ looked at him with an expression of amusement and fondness. “Yeah?”

Cyrus nodded, a smile creeping up on his face.

“Glad I could be of service,” TJ said, his face slowly turning red.

“Well, of course.”

They walked for a while, talking about nothing in particular when they passed by the ring toss games. Cyrus desperately hoped that TJ wouldn’t notice them, but when has his luck ever been incredible?

“Hey, we should try these! I bet we can win that teddy bear,” TJ said, excitedly running over to the stall.

“Hurray,” Cyrus said in a flat voice, as he watched TJ run up excitedly to the counter.

This was going to be a disaster.

*

“This is impossibly embarrassing,” Cyrus groaned, hitting his head on the table of the stall. He had been trying for the past 15 minutes to try and even reach the bottles but to no success.

TJ just laughed, holding a giant teddy bear he had won for Cyrus on his first try. “Don’t worry, Underdog. This is quite fun to watch.”

Cyrus simply glared at him, no malice behind his eyes of course. “This isn’t fair, you’re an incredible championship-winning athlete and I walk into glass doors and fall while skateboarding. The playing fields are on two different planets.”

Pouting at him, TJ asked, “Do you want my help?”

“Nope. No. Nuh uh. I’m doing this.”

“Okay,” TJ backed off, holding his hands up. “Just know that Bear and I,” TJ said, holding up the teddy bear, “Are rooting for you.”

Will there ever come a day when TJ Kippen doesn’t induce heart attacks with his soft words? No. The answer is no.

Cyrus squinted his eyes and was about to take aim when he heard TJ chuckle. “Okay, you’re doing it wrong.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, your stance is off. Here,” he said, walking up behind Cyrus. Suddenly, Cyrus felt arms wrapping around his waist. And he swore at that moment, he stopped breathing. And thinking. And living. Honestly, he just ascended to another plane of existence.

“You need to keep your balance on the back foot,” TJ whispered into Cyrus’ ear, helping adjust his position.

Cyrus could barely hum in response, his heart was beating so fast.

“And you need to keep your arm this way,” TJ continued, holding Cyrus’ hand and guiding his arm into the correct position. There was no way TJ didn’t know what he was playing at. That sucker.

“Okay,” Cyrus choked out.

TJ laughed quietly, backing away from Cyrus. Much to the chagrin of Cyrus.

“Now, don’t use too much energy, okay?”

Cyrus focused, and threw the ring. It felt like it was going in slow motion, and everything around him had stopped. And then, by some miracle, it landed on a bottle.

“YES!” Cyrus cheered, jumping up in excitement as the employee handed him a giant purple T Rex.

“Cyrus, I knew you could do it!” TJ yelled, pulling in Cyrus for a hug. It was kind of hard with a giant stuffed dinosaur in the middle, but they made it work.

“I never stopped thinking you could,” TJ said, turning to kiss Cyrus on the forehead. And Cyrus gave apples a run for their money with how red he knew he was turning.

“You never do,” Cyrus said, holding onto TJ’s hand. “Well, I believe this is yours, Not-So-Scary Basketball Guy,” Cyrus said, presenting TJ with the T Rex.

“And this is yours, Muffin,” said TJ, handing Cyrus the teddy bear.

“Still going with Muffin?” Cyrus asked, his eyes gleaming.

“Yeah, just feels right,” TJ said, looking at his feet.

“I love it,” Cyrus replied, placing a quick kiss to TJ’s cheek, leaving the boy a stuttering and fumbling mess for a solid 5 minutes afterwards.

“I’m glad.”

*

5 rides, 2 cotton candies and a throwing-up scare later, Cyrus and TJ were still roaming around Adrenaline City, constantly threading their fingers together as they walked.

“Maybe we should head back,” Cyrus said, looking up at the greying sky. “Looks like it's about to rain.”

“Maybe we should,” TJ replied, following his gaze.

They stood in place for a while, neither one having any inclination to leave anytime soon.

“We aren’t leaving, are we?”

“Only after we are drenched to the bone will we think about it.”

The two boys started laughing, Cyrus holding onto TJ’s shoulder. When it died down, they looked into each other’s eyes. Cyrus was keenly aware of the tension, and he began to lean in slowly. He could feel TJ doing the same. They were so close, Cyrus thought, noticing the many freckles on TJ’s face, and how his eyes seemed to glow. So. Close. Oh. My. God.

Just then, Cyrus’ phone began ringing in his pocket, startling the two, Cyrus inwardly groaning. When Cyrus saw the caller ID, however, he was surprised to see the name ‘Slayer’.

Why was Buffy calling him?

“Hey Buffy, what’s up?”

“Cyrus, can you come to Andi Shack? Like right now?” Buffy asked, her voice panic-stricken.

“Wait, Buffy what happened? I’m with TJ right now,” Cyrus said, growing more concerned by the second. What was going on?

“It’s okay he can come too. Just please.”

A moment of silence. Then, in a broken whisper, almost inaudible to Cyrus.

“It’s Andi.”

~~~~~

this is the fluffiest thing i have ever written omg. anyway, guys im going out of town where there is no WiFi for 6 days so, rip and remember me. so updates will resume after 6th April!

[fxkthatdairy]

Realize~ MrBeast

Request: Firstly, love the edits! You put in so much work for this fandom, tysm for all u do! ❤ Is it ok to request an edit & an imagine? With James Hype - More Than Friends for the edit. And when you can & feel inspired (no rush, take your time❤) an imagine where the reader is 2 years older than Jimmy & his childhood friend & they go to college in another state, but when they come back they start to like Jimmy. Twist is Jimmy already had a crush on them before they left but didn't have courage 2 confess

Awwwe thank you so much <3 it really makes me happy to see that you guys enjoy the imagines and edits I put out.. I hope you enjoy this imagine love <3

Growing up you had one best friend that has stuck with you since second grade and his name was Jimmy Donaldson. You both became friends because your parents worked together and they were very good friends so Jimmy was always at your house 99% of the time. When you were younger it was all fun and games and there were no feeling of anything else but friendship but once you hit your junior year of high school you began to develop the biggest crush on Jimmy. At this time he had started a youtube channel called MrBeast6000 and you supported him through it all and you were even his first subscriber as well as Chris. You went to every single sporting event that he ever played in and you would always leave the games with a hoarse voice from how loud you were cheering for Jimmy. Your favorite games of his to go to were his Baseball games because he looked hella good in Baseball pants. You would never let him know that you had a crush in fear of rejection and the end of you two’s friendship. So for your senior prom both of y'all went as just friends. It killed you when you found out that you had been accepted to the University of California in Los Angeles not for the fact that you were accepted but the fact that you had to move across the country far from Jimmy to go to school. When the dreaded day came and you had to move both of you hugged very tightly. Your heart was crying but you were not going to let him see you cry.

“You go and kick butt (y/n/n), I’m going to miss you and I want you to keep me updated and don’t forget to come visit me.” he said. You nodded and gave him one last hug before you boarded your one way flight to California. On the plane ride, you felt the warm tears fall down your face the whole plane ride. You had to hide your feeling of Jimmy down deep so that this didn’t  affect you throughout your college year. Now four year later, you had finally graduated. Sadly, Jimmy was not able to make it but he was there in spirit. His YouTube channel had now blown up and it was also now just called MrBeast. You were packing up all your stuff because you were moving back to North Carolina to help Jimmy with his YouTube Channel since you got your degrees in Management and Filmography. The next day you got on the plane and headed to North Carolina, what you didn't know was what Jimmy had planned for you when you got back.

                               Jimmy’s Pov (Y/N) was coming back today and I planned on asking her to be my girlfriend. I had loved her since the beginning of high school but never had the balls to ask her out on a date or even to be my girlfriend. When she moved to California for college, a piece of my heart left with her. Now that she was moving back, I wasn’t planning on losing her again.  I decided to decorate the whole warehouse for her coming back and throw a get together with all her family and friends and then ask her to be my girlfriend there. I had the guys over helping me decorate and get everything ready. I bought a crap ton of yellow balloons because that was her favorite color and the whole room was basically decorated in yellow. I bought yellow tablecloths, yellow napkins, yellow forks,spoons, and knifes. I hired a photography place to come a do a photo booth and I even got a giant jump house and water slide since it was the middle of June and hot as crap. Chris and I went and bought a crap ton of steaks and chicken as well as some vegetables and chips. Chris had volunteered to cook all the food while everyone was showing up and I went and picked up (Y/n). The get together was sat up and know it was time to set up how I would ask her to be my girlfriend. I bought a big white screen and a projector and made a slideshow with a bunch of old photos of us with some comments about how she has changed my life and the very last slide said,”Will you be my girlfriend?” and then once she answered I was going to ask her to move in with me since we basically have known each other for years and she needed a place to stay and I was not going to let her pay to get an apartment when she could just live with me. I made sure everything was in place and correct before I left to go pick (Y/n) up from the airport.

Your Pov Your plane had finally landed and you were currently getting your stuff from the baggage claim and began walking around the airport looking for Jimmy and when you saw him your heart literally exploded from joy. You began running and eventually ended up in his arms. You hugged him so tight that if you could literally explode a person he would be dead.

“(y/n) I ca--ca--can't breathe.” Jimmy huffed out. You apologize and let go. He then smiled and hugged you again. It felt so good to be reunited with Jimmy again. He grabbed your luggage from you and took it to his car and then you both got in and he began driving. He had told you that he needed to stop by the Warehouse real quick and get something so you guys were just talking in the car about everything and catching up with him. When he pulled into the Warehouse you didn’t even notice the cars that were there and got out with Jimmy. He opened the Warehouse and you were shot with confetti glitter and a huge “Welcome Home.” from all your friends and family. You were hit with a sudden sense of breathlessness  as you were in complete shock that all your friends and family were there. You began running up to everybody and giving them hugs and catching up with them. You were dragged and had photos taken with so many people and you were so happy that everyone was here. Chris came in and announced food was ready.. Everyone got food and were all sitting down and eating when a slideshow of pictures of you and Jimmy began playing on the screen You read the silly, meaningful, and funny comments that were left on some of the slides and then you began feeling your heartbeat pick up as you began reading the last few slides. The slide before the last was a video of Jimmy talking.

“(Y/n), since you’ve been in my life we have cried together, laughed together, fought each other,comforted the other, and loved each other. When we started high school, I began developing strong feelings for you that I pushed away because I did not have the balls to ask  you out in fear that you would not like me back and that it would ruin our friendship. That was the worst mistake I ever made. When you told me that you were moving to California, my heart sank to my stomach. The day that you left, a piece of my heart left with you. I was heartbroken for a while but decided to conceal everything so that I could pour all my energy into being MrBeast. I didn’t want to be Jimmy without you. Chris noticed this and I confessed everything to him and he helped me make this video and plan this get together for you. The truth is (y/n) is that I can’t live without you, you make me me. You keep me level headed, honest, responsible, and you keep me,me. I love you so much and not in the best friend kind of way, I love you in the way where I want to wake up to you for the rest of my life, that I want to be the one who makes you smile when you are upset, I want to call you my wife one day and eventually I want to call you our child’s mother, I want to grow old with you and I just want to be with you. So (y/f/n) (y/m/n) (y/l/n), if you say yes to my next two questions I can promise you devotion, love, support, compassion, honesty, respect, loyalness, and all that I have. If you say no then I still support you as my best friend so I’ll just let you see the question.”

The video ended and by now you were in complete tears from what he had said. Your heart was pounding out of your chest as the next slide displayed two questions: Will you be my girlfriend, and will you move in with me? At this point, you had gotten up and walked over to Jimmy who was standing the the front of the room holding a bouquet of Sunflower and shifting from foot to foot. You placed your hand on his cheek and leaned in and kissed him with all the passion that you had stored up for the past 5 years almost. You pulled away and looked deep into his blue eyes that had captured your heart.

“Does that answer question, Jimmy? Because if it doesn’t then its a yes.” You said and kissed him again. By this time everyone was standing up and clapping.  People walked up and gave their congrats and soon it was time for everyone to start going home. You helped clean up and then you got in the car and headed home with Jimmy. You still couldn’t believe that he had asked you to be his girlfriend. It seemed so surreal to you and you felt like you were in a dream but this was reality. Not only were you dating your best friend but you were living with him. Jimmy pulled into the driveway and got your luggage out for you. The rest of your belongings including your car were being shipped in the next few days. When you got inside you changed into some pajamas and climbed into bed. Jimmy followed suite and pulled you close to his chest. You could feel his heartbeat slowly luring you into sleep. He rubbed you back slowly in comfort. You began drifting off to sleep but before you fell asleep you told Jimmy that you loved him.

“I love you so much, (y/n)” Jimmy said before trying to get some sleep for himself.

[bbbb-barnes]

DANCE WITH THE DEVIL - A Mobster!Bucky Barnes X Reader.

Summary: You move away from your small town and start a life in NYC leaving a behind a childhood of drugs, guns and abuse, when your mother is struggling you go back home to help, only to realise the gang that your father was involved in has become ruthless, people know your name and know who you are. A handsome and dangerous man from your families rival gang catches your eye and you can't stay away.

Hi!! I have finals so I thought WHY NOT START A BUCKY FIC. As always please leave feedback and come chat to me!! I always like to start my fics with a bitta back story so no Bucky in this BUT a lotta Steve, this is gunna be a dark fic, might not seem it now but oh BOY it's gunna get dark.

WARNINGS - MENTIONS OF DRUGS, DEATH, SWEARING AND DOMESTIC ABUSE in this chapter and throughout!!

Please let me know what u think!!

Moving out of town was always your plan, from when you were 8 years old and you took a trip to New York with your family, you were enthralled with the big city life, you still remember how the city filled you with a strange sense of nostalgia even though you had never been there before, like it was always meant to be. Moving back to town was never your plan. You had studied hard and got a place at NYU school of law and after 3 crazy years filled with drunken nights with your friends, all-nighters in the library and a shit tonne of coffee and ramen you had graduated with an under grad degree and decided to stay on and complete a post grad whilst trying to score an internship to get your career moving, it was a hustle but you wouldn’t change it for the world. In New York you felt like you could do anything and become anybody, anything was a possibility and you felt as if you could accomplish it all. It was a strange feeling, but you felt connected to the city and you felt like you belonged. You had been born and raised in a town in between Chicago and Indiana. Fountain Park in Jasper county was a predominantly Italian-American populated area. It encapsulated everything an Italian American town ever would, all your aunts knew each other, there were only two high schools, if you walked down the street you would most likely see a kid you went to middle school with, people knew everybody’s business, oh and It housed two local mobster gangs with a fierce rivalry. The Commandos and The Moretti’s. They began the rivalry over the local oil business years ago, or that was the front anyway, you were aware of the drug deals that went down and the cocaine ring that both gangs claimed not to run, there was constant battles over property and territories. But the lack of police intervention subsequently led the gangs to become their own law enforcement for the town, so the people of Fountain Park picked a side essentially, and the gangs in which they picked and showed loyalty to would protect them, albeit not in the most diplomatic way, which only fuelled the rivalry. The whole thing made you laugh, it was truly pathetic, and you planned to stay as far away as possible from these ‘gangs’. You knew your Uncle Jack was part of The Moretti’s and you had been made aware of your father’s involvement when he had died 2 years previous. People spoke about how suspicious his death was and it really worsened things for the rivalry as there was foul play suspected. You didn’t care much, you had thought the world of your father until you were 9 years old and witnessed him beat the living shit out of your own mother, it wasn’t the last time you saw it either, it was only as you got older when you realised drugs had a big part to play in his behaviour, not that it was any justification. You had ached for his approval even after what you had seen, he was your father and he was important, you wanted him to be proud of you for some sick reason. Then when you were 17 and all dressed up for your junior prom he decided to pull out his gun and point it at your forehead in front of the whole family that's when you realised you had enough, you begged your mom to leave him, you know now that he would have killed her if she did. You dropped his name and took your mother’s maiden name Romano. Hearing he had died was incredibly bitter sweet, he was still your dad and he was dead, but it was completely overpowered by the fact your mom was now free from him. Mom was a Fountain Park native with Italian parents, even though her parents were Italian she was born in America and only visited Italy once.

That’s what brought you home, your Nonna was incredibly ill and your mother was struggling to care for her and working to keep herself afloat. Your mother was a proud woman and if you hadn’t had a phone call from your aunt telling you things were bad, you would have never known. You had taken some time off College, which they had surprisingly allowed given you were in-between diplomas and a high achieving student and your roommate Wanda had found somebody to rent your room for a few months, so things managed to fall into place nicely.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Indianapolis International Airport, the local time is currently 11:35am, for your comfort and safety please leave your seatbelt fastened and allow the aircraft to come to a full and complete stop before collecting your belongings and vacating the aircraft, Delta thanks you for your cooperation and we wish you a wonderful stay in Indiana” The chirpy and polished voice of the pretty air hostess snaps you out of your thought process, you gave your muscles a well needed stretch, thankful to almost be free of the stuffy and confined air of the plane. You joined the scuffle of people who were currently grabbing luggage eager to leave. You threw your bag over your shoulder and shuffled out at a snail’s pace, as the line had finally made its way to the front of the plane you thanked the air hostesses and stepped out into the late morning sun, taking a breath of fresh air your mood instantly lifting as you bounced down the stairs and over the asphalt, taking in every drop of sunshine.

If you were in a good mood, passport control and baggage reclaim really took a shit on that. The long lines in the warm and packed airport was enough to make any sane person snap, you were surrounded by people sighing and muttering at the long wait times, you decided to occupy yourself on your phone to pass the time. You sent a message to some old friends telling them you were back in town and you wanted to reconnect. As much as you loved New York, it would be nice to take things easy for a couple of weeks.

After finally getting your passport checked and proving you weren’t a terrorist you were graciously allowed into the state by an overweight and stony-faced officer. Next challenge was baggage reclaim, you were glad you had always taken your mothers advice of making your suitcase noticeable as you spotted the bright yellow case almost instantly and rushed over to wrestle it off. However, the weight of the luggage, your tired body and the speed of the carousel made your first attempt unsuccessful, why in fresh hell did it go around so fast? You were suitably irritated at this point.

“Motherfucker” you muttered and pushed the sleeves of your thin sweatshirt up, psyching yourself up for round two. You saw your case come around again and rolled your shoulders in preparation, however before you could even attempt to grab it a large, blonde man who seemingly came out of nowhere lifted your bag off the carousel as if it were light as a feather, your eyebrows shot up in confusion and you started to panic slightly as he started walking away with it, his broad back quickly disappearing into the crowd, this is the last thing you needed today.

“Hey! excuse me” you yelled in a pathetic attempt to get his attention, you started to jog towards him, weaving through various people who shot you scowls as you pushed passed, your panic was turning to frustration.

“Excuse ME” you yelled even louder, seemingly catching the attention of everybody else but the mystery bag thief, you ran a little faster to catch up, why in the world was this man walking so fast, with a final push you reached him and grabbed his arm in an attempt to stop him but also steady yourself from the sudden exercise. He whipped around in an instant, looking ready to attack almost, when he saw you his face relaxed, this is not the reaction you wanted.

“Excuse me asshole, but you just stole my suitcase” you huffed, trying your hardest to look intimidating, but this guy was huge, and was he smiling at you after stealing your luggage? What the fuck, you deepened your scowl. He started laughing at you, you jaw went a little slack at this guy’s blatant disregard to the fact he had just stolen from you and was now laughing about it.

“I’m not sure why this is fucking fu...” you started, your voice an octave higher than before as you seriously resisted the urge to stomp your foot like a child, before you could continue he rudely interrupted you.

“Y/N its me, Steve” It was the first time you heard him talk, it was deep but soft at the same time it was oddly comforting and filled with humour as he smirked down at you, you pulled your eyebrows together in confusion. If you knew this man you would have remembered he was seriously handsome.

“Steve Rodgers” He prompted, his head cocked to the side, the faint trace of humour still apparent in his voice. You did a comical double take at his reminder, no way was this jacked guy Steve Rodgers, skinny and sickly Steve Rodgers, your next-door neighbour and a good friend to you through those tough high school years, he taught you how to play poker and you used to give him your CD’s in return (after you had finished listening of course) you were the reason he had such a soft spot for NSYNC. The two of you used to sit on the grass in his backyard when your dad was beating your mom and he would distract you by talking you step by step through the rules of baseball and giving you an extensive run down of his favourite players, it used to work and was the reason you became a baseball fan. You were clearly in a state of shock as he playfully shook your shoulders with a chuckle. You looked up and studied his face and you saw it, the same light blue eyes, the same nose that was slightly crooked from when he broke it falling out of a tree, the same very faint dusting of freckles dancing across the bridge of his nose.

“Steven, when the hell did you get so jacked?” you managed to choke out taking a step back to take him in, he barked out a loud laugh startling a few children nearby in the process.

“Oh, stop it you” He joked, pretending to be shy which made you chuckle in response, you were still wildly confused but if your childhood had taught you anything it was that Steve Rodgers never steered you far wrong. He threw a heavy arm around your shoulders and guided you to the parking lot.

“I am your personal taxi service, Miss New York big shot” he joked as he pulled your suitcase behind him effortlessly, you were slightly dazed, but you had assumed your mother asked him to collect you and presumably told him about the bright yellow suitcase too (although the luggage tag with your name on could have done that too)

“I need you to tell me everything” He continued babbling as he led you to a sleek, shiny black BMW with blacked out windows, he retracted his arm from your shoulder to fish his keys from his jeans pocket. You took a moment to appreciate the car.

“This is yours?” you sounded doubtful as you raised your eyebrows at the expensive looking car, last you heard Steve wanted to be an artist, you weren’t sure how fruitful that career was, but you assumed not this much. He unlocked the car and gestured for you to get in with a small smile.

“You’re not the only successful one from around here y’know” he joked, his voice coming from behind you as he placed your suitcase in the trunk, you climbed in the front seat and fidgeted around, taking in the leather interior. He slid in the driver’s seat and started the car, zooming out of the parking lot with his eyes focused ahead of him.

“So, you’re a famous artist now or something?” you matched the joking tone, but you were very curious, his family didn’t have a lot of money. You noted his expression darken for a slight moment as he chewed his lip, considering his answer.

“I’m not Fountain Park’s answer for Picasso if that’s what you mean” his dark expression had disappeared and his light, joking manner was back, you opened your mouth to ask another question, but he quickly cut you off.

“Hey, before you interrogate me anymore can I ask about New York please, big shot?” He gave you a quick pleading glance and a toothy smile, you obliged and started to talk about your life in another state, but you weren’t going to let this drop and you were sure he knew that too.

You humoured him and spoke animatedly about college and your friends and he listened intently, smiling as he watched you talk so passionately.

“You’d love New York Steve, you really would” you mused, you had relaxed into the seat now and watched his side profile as he reacted to your words, you could always imagine Steve loving New York.

“I really think I would, couldn’t get on board with the Mets or Yankees though” he made a face and you laughed, it was nice to see he was still passionate about his baseball.

“Hey, we should make the trip to see a Cubs game while I’m back” You suggested excitedly, his face darkened slightly again, and you saw as he clenched his jaw for a millisecond, but you caught it. He plastered on a fake smile.

“That would be fun Y/N” he agreed, but you knew it was fake so you decided to push.

“Well, you’re like the biggest Cubs fan I know, you must know when the next game is?” you continued as you pulled out your phone, his knuckles whitened as he gripped the steering wheel a little tighter.

“Oh God, Y/N I haven’t been to a Baseball game in years I couldn’t tell you” He chuckled but he was lying, you could tell as the laughter didn’t quite meet his eyes, you scowled slightly and typed furiously on your phone for a few seconds.

“Hey, would you look at that, there’s a game next weekend” your voice was sugary sweet and full of fake excitement, he sighed slightly as he rolled his neck.

“Y/N, I can’t next weekend” he answered weakly, you both knew it was a lie and it seemed he had stopped trying to hide it, you crossed your arms over your chest and huffed.

“Are you going to tell me what’s actually going on?” you snapped slightly, and he sighed, he used his free hand to massage his temple, he took a few moments before answering.

“There’s a lot going on that you won’t understand, I don’t want to put you in harm’s way so that’s why I say this but we can’t be seen together, Y/N” His voice was stern but his tone was slightly sympathetic, his words didn’t clear anything up for you however, just confused you further.

“What on earth are you talking about?” you questioned, narrowing your eyes at the tense man, who didn’t take his eyes off the road, with both hands now back on the wheel, his face was disturbingly stoic.

“Y/N, I’m part of The Commando’s” his voice was steady and quiet, he didn’t look at you for a reaction, keeping his eyes fixed on the long highway in front of him, you processed his words and flopped back against the leather seats.

“Is that it Steve? Don’t you think you’re being a bit melodramatic” you breathed out a laugh as relief washed over you, he was just part of that silly gang, besides your fathers were in opposing ‘gangs’ and you two were friends growing up, so why would it be different now. This time he did take his eyes off the road to look at you, his eyes were wide, and his nostrils flared.

“Y/N you haven’t been here you don’t know what its like” He snipped, rolling his shoulders as he tapped his fingers on the steering wheel.

“It’s just a silly gang Steve” you mumbled pulling your phone out to occupy yourself for the rest of the journey home.

“It isn���t a silly gang, Y/N. People are being killed, there’s millions of dollars at risk, there’s an influx of arms and drugs making its way around the town, it’s bad Y/N. I’m not sure if you remember but your family were no, they are Moretti’s. We’re seen together and that means serious harm for the both of us” He snapped suddenly, his raised voice made you jump and you considered the fact he might be right.

“What, so you deal drugs now?” you asked in disbelief, the blacked-out BMW making more sense now, he was tensed up.

“There’s certain parts of The Commando’s I don’t agree with but they protect me, protect my family from being shot in the street by your god damn uncle Jack” he was speeding down the highway at this point and you briefly realised you must have been going above 100MPH, his voice was hostile and you felt hurt he decided to blame you for the actions of your family.

“I have nothing to do with that gang or my uncle and if I remember rightly didn’t one of you kill my father” you accused coolly, it was a weak accusation and you both knew it because in all honesty if you met the man that killed him you’d probably shake his hand.

“I know, Y/N I’m sorry it’s just that Jack, he’s running The Moretti’s and its ruthless out there, he’ll stop at nothing to take us down and everything is fair game which is why I want you to stay away from me, if they find out we’re friends I don’t want to begin to imagine what they’ll do.” His voice had softened slightly as he shot you a sad smile.

“My uncle wouldn’t hurt me” you protested weakly, although you didn’t know at this point, and judging by the look on Steve’s face he didn’t either.

“I didn’t mean just your Uncle Jack; all the Commando’s know who you’re related to” he spoke his words very carefully however they still made you panic as you realised the seriousness of this situation.

“Are they going to hurt me?” you chewed down on your lip as you tried to scoff at the question, making it seem like you were unbothered by it but you both knew that wasn’t the case.

“If you don’t provoke anybody then they’ll leave you alone…I’ll look after you as much as I can Y/N. I won’t let The Commando’s hurt you” Steve didn’t know if he could follow through with that promise, but he intended to try his hardest to keep it. You relaxed slightly, Steve made you feel safe and you believed him.

You looked out the window to process the information that had been given to you, you still had so many questions, but you didn’t think you even wanted to know the answer to them. You felt saudade as you drove past all the familiar landmarks of your childhood, in this context nothing had changed, but you had a feeling everything was different now.

Steve pulled to a stop outside your house, it was a large house in a nice neighbourhood, you realised now how your dad got the money for it, luckily the mortgage was paid off before he died because he didn’t leave your mom a penny when he croaked. Steve turned the engine off and you sat in silence for a few seconds.

“My mom isn’t in danger, is she?” your quiet voice broke the silence of the car, Steve squinted at your house, the afternoon sun high in the sky.

“No, I’m not going to say every member of The Commando’s is her biggest fan but they realise what she went through with your dad, they keep their distance” he confirmed and you let out a breath, you could take care of yourself but you didn’t want any gangs giving your mother abuse because of things your asshole father did. Steve looked a little an edge and you realised that he had a target on his back just being here with you.

“Thanks for the ride Steve, I guess ill see you around?” you questioned but you didn’t know what your situation would be after this, it made you feel a pang of sadness. He looked over his shoulder quickly before embracing you in a brief hug, he slipped a piece of paper into your hands.

“Try and stay out of trouble Y/N” he joked with you but you knew there was a hint of seriousness in his words, he mimicked your sad smile as you clambered out of the car and pulled your suitcase from his trunk, you slammed it shut and caught his blue eyes in the rear-view mirror for the last time before he pulled away and sped down the street.

You unravelled the note he had shoved into your hands, on it was a number scrawled in messy writing, emergencies only the wording read, you put it safely in your pocket.

You turned to face your house, so much had happened here it had shaped you into the person you are so why did you want to turn around and run as far away as possible. You resisted the urge and pulled yourself and your suitcase to the oak front door taking a deep breath before entering, the reality of the situation setting in.

Stay out of trouble, how hard could that be?

[bloodpacks-archive]

Don’t Let Go

Word Count: 2.4k

Summary: Fate and Coincidence had sensed something about this girl and Peter, they just couldn’t pick it out just yet.

Warnings: Deals with death, but these deaths you should probably already expect if u know anything about Peter Parker. People yelling, and people dealing with consequences. But it gets happy eventually a I promise!

Note: This is the first part of my new series! I had this idea a while ago but seeing as just this first part is so long it did take me a while to write! I really really love this series and just couldn’t wait to share it with you guys! I have no idea how long this will be but I am absolutely in love with the story. Hope you like it!

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4

When Fate was young, she had a habit of stringing people together. She would take their strings and tie them together somewhere along the middle. These red ribbons could stretch over states, countries, and oceans. She always felt her heart sink when she found two soulmates with an ocean separating them. However, she continued to tie the string before moving on to the next set.

It would be a few centuries of this before Fate found her hands grew much too tired to constantly be tying strings. She tried out a few new ideas, figuring the new American settlers wouldn’t mind to be her guinea pigs for a bit. This, perhaps, would be her payback for hurting her personal favorite groups of people.

So Fate experimented. She gave them compasses pointing to their soulmate, but most either lost them or were too stupid to use the compass correctly. She gave them tattoos from birth reflecting their soulmates own, but they all equally dismissed them and stared at the tattoo in awe on occasion. It would be 200 years later, creeping up on the 1900s, when she finally found the right way for people to find their soulmates.

By the 1990s, Fate had perfected the practice. At the point of birth, she simply blessed the children with the ability to have writing from their soulmate appear on their own body and vice versa. Of course, there were limitations. Writing where you lived was forbidden, and full names had to be compromised as the internet came into play. However, Fate still enjoyed watching a boy cover himself in intricate patterns with curly lettering and flowers only for another boy to find himself gazing at the skin on his arm as the ink slowly came to life.

It was summer when Fate found a couple she was particularly excited about. The boy, now crying as he lay in his mother’s arms, was now being blessed with the connection to a girl that would be born within a few months time. The parents were unaware of Fate’s presence as she watched on, smiling at the couple. Fate was forever cursed to watch on as she helped her people find happiness.

By now, Fate was older. She had seen many a couple rejoice as they met each other and feel the love shared by one another within only a few months, but this couple had something different about them. So when the mother whispered “Peter” into the boy’s little ear, she smiled and turned away from the hospital bed.

Centuries of soulmates was something Fate had become used to, but never in her life had she turned around and seen Coincidence staring directly at her. The two tended to leave each other alone, letting one rule love while the other ruled the magic of life.

“Hello, Coincidence,” Said Fate, she continued walking as Coincidence followed after her. Fate played with on of the many curls atop her head before setting her hands to her side.

“There’s something different about them,” Coincidence replied. Fate took a look at him. His shirt was loosely tucked into his pants and his hands were in his pockets. He was in a relaxed stance as he brushed a piece of hair out of his face.

“I know, but I don’t know what it is. Why are you even paying attention to this? It’s not like you have control of this area of their lives,” Fate mumbled as she turned away from Coincidence and kept walking. The hospital was busied with people, in every hallway she could hear life being given and taken away. She preferred the wings where it was being given, but she could always sense a mother or two fading off as they gave everything they had to their child. She sighed and looked back to see Coincidence staring at the baby.

“You coming?” She asked. Coincidence broke his gaze at Peter before nodding and joining Fate.

Fate opened a hospital door and soon enough Fate and Coincidence were transported up to the clouds. This was Fate’s own, personal, way of looking over the people she cared about oh so much. She was in control of these small bits of happiness, and it was something she was glad to see.

“You don’t usually go down there to bless children, why this one?” Coincidence asked. Fate shrugged.

“I felt the same thing you did. They’re different, and I wanted to see why.” Fate sat down on the edge of the cloud, her white dress billowing down and flowing past as she saw the millions of houses and people below her.

“And yet you couldn’t figure it out?” Coincidence inquired. He walked over until he was next to Fate and sat down next to her. He kept his feet crossed under him and looked out over the cloud before scooting away from the edge.

“Did you?” Fate asked back. She looked over and laughed at Coincidence’s expression, clearly too terrified of the heights to answer. “It’s not like you can die, you know,” She said. Coincidence scoffed.

“Sure, but I can still feel pain, and I don’t want to feel falling from this height.” Coincidence stood up and walked to the center of the cloud. “When the soulmate is born, tell me. I have a feeling we’ll need to work on these two together,” Coincidence decided. Fate nodded, and before she knew it, Coincidence was gone. So Fate turned back to the cloud and with a wave of her hand, conjured a picture in front of her. It was barely a heartbeat, but there the soulmate was. Fate smiled to herself and ordered the formation away. The soulmate would be here soon enough.

—————

Fate heard the cries ring throughout the cloud she sat upon. She knew it would happen soon, but this early? She must have lost track of time along the way. It wasn’t long before Coincidence was on her cloud. Of course, he appeared to be the epitome of calm besides the incessant tapping of his right foot.

“She was born,” He stated flatly.

“I’m aware, let’s go,” Fate replied before standing up and allowing the two into the hospital with a wave of her hand. They now stood in front of a woman, a baby cradled in her arms. The mother, glistening with sweat, let out soft sobs as she kissed the child’s head.

“Where’s her soulmate?” Whispered Fate. She glanced around the hospital quickly, but she felt no connection between this woman and anyone else. Fate disliked the cleanliness of hospitals, but something she could appreciate was the fact that they allowed her senses to be heightened. She could feel Coincidence withholding something, so she turned. Coincidence looked down at the baby. He was smiling down at her, whispering something to himself. Fate simply waited for his reply.

“Died in a car crash just a few months ago,” Coincidence mumbled to himself. Fate raised an eyebrow. Anger bubbled inside her. She was tired of hearing of another soulmate without their other half and another child without one of their parents.

“What did you do?” She accused. She pointed a finger at Coincidence’s chest who took a step back and raised his arms up.

“It’s called Coincidence for a reason, love. Simply wrong place and wrong time,” He replied. Fate looked at him with contempt coating her eyes.

“You disgust me,” She muttered.

“Look, it’s not my fault that he-“

“This child is going to live without a father! This poor little girl is going to go without knowing her father for her entire life! And for what?” Fate yelled at Coincidence, she watched the smirk come out of his eyes.

“It was either him or an entire family, okay? I didn’t have a choice. I managed to distract the family but I couldn’t save all of them,” He whispered. Fate let out a sigh and allowed her body to relax again. She mumbled an apology before turning back to the woman that sat on the hospital bed.

“I’m going to protect you, okay? Nothing is going to happen to you, I promise,” The woman whispered while cradling her now sleeping baby.

“Did you catch her name?” Coincidence asked.

“Y/n,” Fate answered solemnly.

—————

It would be another four years before anything happened to the couple. Fate watched as Peter’s parents dropped him off at his Aunt and Uncle’s house for an amount of time that they didn’t know. Peter’s mom dropped to her knees and hugged her little boy as his father kissed him on the head as a goodbye. Fate sat high above the clouds, watching as she tried to look any further than this moment. Unfortunately, Peter’s last memories of his parents would be here as they drove away.

Fate remembers the day like it was her own parents who had passed. She stood in the house, watching as Peter and May read a book together. The shrill ring of the phone cut through the peaceful air of the house; a metallic guest that no one had invited. Fate watched helplessly as Ben answered the phone.

“I’m sorry,” Whispered Coincidence from just behind her. She turned to Coincidence, his face red and puffy. Fate already knew what happened when he uttered those two words. She turned just in time to see Ben’s face crumple and to watch him sink against the wall as sobs raked his body.

“Peter, why don’t you go to your room, okay?” May said to the boy, slightly guiding him with her hand. Little, innocent, four year old Peter waddled off into his room, entirely unaware of the horrors that would await him.

Fate turned to Coincidence. “How did it happen?” Fate asked. She was angry, there was no doubt about it, but Coincidence had tried to help. That much was clear.

“It was a plane crash. I-“ Coincidence paused, a silent sob clawed at his throat, but he quickly cleared it and moved on, “I tried to get them off the plane, I really did. God, I was hoping that maybe they would miss it if I kept them in security for a bit longer or if I made traffic bad enough. I tried to delay the flight. I tried everything. I thought that maybe, if I had just-“

Fate cut him off with a soft hug. Coincidence, while he got to see many happy things throughout his job, also dealt with a great deal of death that he just couldn’t find ways to prevent. Some days, Fate wondered if the deaths he couldn’t prevent were her own fault. But Coincidence always found himself denying her the horrors of dealing with the terrible deaths of those she desperately tried to make happy. So, Coincidence attempted to make blockades at every point he could.

“I know it isn’t your fault,” Fate whispered into Coincidence’s ear. “You do so many things, help so many people and save so many lives. It’s okay. You’re okay.”

Coincidence sighed before taking a step back. Just like that Coincidence was gone again, leaving Fate alone with the now broken family. Fate took another look at Ben and May, who were now sitting on the couch in silence. May’s head laid on Ben’s shoulder as she softly rubbed his back in comfort. Fate’s attention was drawn to the door, behind it waited Peter, most likely silently reading his book or playing with some toys. Fate closed her eyes and took a breath, and then she was gone.

—————

It would be another year before Peter and Y/n made any kind of connection with the writings upon their skin. Peter was particularly fond of the little, absentminded writings that would appear on his arm. Simple swirls of pen or marker would be common. The two five year olds would often have different marker colors splayed across their arms. One from them, the other from their soulmate.

And so, this continued. Through learning to write, to communicating, to learning each other’s names and to doodling hearts along their arms as they sat in class, they were happy. Even though they didn’t know where the other was, they were happy.

—————

Nearly 9 years later, Y/n sat on the balcony of her apartment. Cars and people walked below her as streetlights illuminated pathways and faces. The moon was just barely hidden by the clouds and soon she felt that a soft crescent shape would peak out. Snow fluttered to the streets, but she found herself to be quite warm. A blanket was wrapped around her as she drew simple flowers on the back of her hand. They tangled with her fingers and wrapped around her wrist, and little leaves seemed to stretch to nearly every corner of her hand. It brought her comfort that the blank ink would be replicated onto her soulmate’s hand as well.

The sounds that had become the epitome of Queens became louder below her. A few more cars honked, and snow seemed to only come down faster. Y/n hugged the blanket tighter around her and continued her drawing. She felt a tingling sensation up her arm, and smiled as she saw the ink take life.

If you’re as beautiful as your drawings then I’m in trouble

Y/n giggled at the message before writing back.

Since when have you ever been smooth, Peter?

She returned to her drawing before another message sent tiny shocks up her arm. She winced and grabbed it, glaring at the ink that was now forming.

Sorry, no last names. Forgot.

Just above the last message, there was the beginning of the sentence with a word harshly scribbled out. Y/n sighed and picked up her pen once again. In return, she drew a small heart.

It was then that the breeze picked up, pushing and pulling snow every which way. Y/n grabbed her blanket and attempted to tighten even further. However, she soon realized the uselessness of her efforts and got up before walking out of the cold and into the warm embrace of her apartment.

Distantly, she heard police sirens. She sighed and looked back out the window. The cacophony was deafening and the shrill reds and blues of the lights gave her a headache. She looked down at her arm as another tingling sensation arose. It was unfinished, and ended with a long drag of a pen. She looked out again at the sirens, and her heart sank just a little. However, she turned into her room and the comfort of her own denial, forgetting about the sinking feeling she could just barely shake.

Tag List (send me an ask if you want to be added!)

@isabellamozarella03

[dystovian]

Could you do a lance and s/o where he dreams about being with his family but only wakes up to find out that he's still away and is comforted by s/o? Thanks so much!!

Summary: Lance dreams of home and of the night he left for the garrison, only to wake up and find himself comforted by you.

Warning: Being separated from family, nightmare, fluff

A/N: here u go pal!!! I wish I could’ve edited it more but sadly I couldn’t! Pls do enjoy tho!

Laughter erupted from different areas of the welcoming home, wrapping gently around the birthday boy’s ears, when he grinned with pure happiness. A feeling in his chest circling throughout the rest of him, he’s felt this way every year to this very day because of the comforting embrace of his family. He was so happy, almost too happy as this was meant to be a sad day for him, despite it being his birthday. Seeing his family and a few friends smiling and conversing as though nothing bad were to happen made him feel weird, but there wasn’t anything he could do about that feeling, for it would reside in him for years to come.

Eventually, most of his family would leave to go home, and he’d finish packing suitcases filled with valuables and his clothing. And as soon as the clock struck midnight his father would drive him to a train station and bid him good luck with an, albeit sloppy, comforting kiss to the cheek and rough pat to the back that would send Lance reeling with emotions for as long as he lived. With that pat to the back a feeling of loneliness would manifest within his chest like a cavity, headaches would come often as his head filled with deafening thoughts that cramped between his brain and skull, poking and prodding as his heartstrings.

But he was here now and that’s all that mattered, he vowed to himself to make the best of this night with a stare at his tired face in the bathroom mirror. A freshly cleaned one at that. His father’s favorite recliner encased him with the emotion of love, pure and absolute, any other day his father would force him out of it but tonight was a night of occasion. A birthday, a day where you get just about everything you wish for, which wasn’t exactly what he felt was happening but it’s the best he could get. When a third of his family burst with cheers he almost began to regret wanting to go to the Garrison.

He heard the familiar shout from his mother, that the cake had arrived and as he turned his head he was shocked to see his best friend Hunk there, with more boxes than needed that were no doubt filled with sweets from his mother’s bakery. Lance’s mother gave Hunk a quick kiss to the cheek before bringing the cake to the kitchen to get the candles prepared. Hunk took off his soaked coat, peeling a glove off and placing a blue envelope into a small basket, only adding onto the ever-growing pile of letters, piling up just like his family as they made their way to the boy to welcome him here. Hunk seemed perfect, he seemed excited and happy for this party but inside his feelings mirrored that of Lance’s, I mean, who’d want to leave their family for years?

The effort being put into their shouts at the large tv screen was soon put into a chorus of happy birthday’s that overwhelmed Lance. The smell of the candles blowing back into his face from the ceiling fan was comforting despite his eyes growing watery from the smoke. Cheers and claps came to everybody’s ears, camera flashes being heard from just about every part of the room as they tried desperately to get a picture of their boy. Blurry or not.

His mother came to his side, bending over slightly to place a kiss upon his head and murmur, “I love you.” His heart began to snap, he couldn’t bare to think about losing his mother for however long he’d be gone, he couldn’t bare to lose anybody and it’s hard to get back home from the Garrison. Something was bound to happen while Lance was gone. He had this fear where if anything even remotely good happened to him karma would land upon the surface of the Earth with great trembling earthquakes, and cause terrible destruction.

He watched arms and hands of different tones reach across the table with containers, plates, and bowls of food to be passed to another hungry family member. Lance pointed at a cousin of his, laughing intertwining with shouting as they struggled to swallow a large piece of steak, tears of laughter came to their eyes. This feeling was impeccable, really, it covered just about every millimeter of his nerves and muscle and made him feel terribly warm.

It was raining, an act of Mother Nature that he loved so very dearly, but yet he’d never be able to hear the pitter patter of the rain again and be calm for it’d remind him of this day forever. He’d grow to love the rain in due time once more but that’ll never prevent his brain from grasping at this memory and shoving it forcefully to the front. It’ll never go away and he’d have to live with that.

Perhaps he was overreacting, perhaps he was being dramatic. But his family is all that’s left to him that gives him true unconditional love, and doesn’t meaningly compare him to others as his other no life blank faced kids and teachers do. He’d be leaving the home he’s been in most of his life, the same home where he broke his arm and both of his legs in the span of five years, the same home he brought home his first girlfriend and they disliked her so much that he and her had to eat outside to get away from the glares. Those same glares proved to be right as she had cheated on him days before.

The pain he felt when he found out about that was minuscule compared to the broken sob he let out as his mother kissed him goodbye. The pain he felt when he broke all those bones was nothing, absolutely nothing, compared to the feeling that erupted inside a vessel of his heart as his father sat with him in the car yet said nothing. The silence that filled the car like suffocating water below sea level was so uncomfortable that Lance almost grew sick. He wanted to throw up then and there but he didn’t want his father to think less of him, to think he can’t commit or to think he’s afraid.

But he is, he is so very afraid of just about everything to come. He’s afraid of coming back home to faces filled to the brim with faultless calamity as he couldn’t seem to make them proud enough to welcome him back with the same laughter and smiles as the night of his birthday. He’s afraid of messing up even in the slightest although messing up is apart of life, one slip up and whatever entity that controls the puppetry of the Earth will come down and use a labeling machine to slap a big fat ‘Failure’ on his back, one that he’d never be able to peel off unless he’d want to peel back every layer of compassion he built up over the years.

Every traffic light they passed by grasped at the front of the hood and pulled them steadily to their destination, the car door vibrating against his elbow with every deep bass of the song that played from the speakers. He didn’t realize he began to cry until he tasted salt by the corner of his mouth, Lance’s throat felt tight and began to ache and so did his heart as all he could do was cry in the passenger seat of his father’s Cadillac that he no doubt wouldn’t see for very long. He leaned forward, hands cradling his head in attempts to scare off the oncoming headache for it did nothing but provide him with an aching muscle-wrenching pain.

“Lance.” His father mumbled, and Lance heard him but he struggled to keep his tears hidden behind his usual facade. After a chorus of his name spewed from his father’s mouth Lance forced his body to push itself back up, though he could never force his eyes in the direction of his father’s as he knew he’d contract into a ball once again. He didn’t realize the car had stopped until he heard the familiar beeping to warn of someone’s seatbelt being unbuckled, his father had gotten out of the car and shut the door, but he didn’t go around the other side to retrieve his son from the passenger seat but got straight to the point of releasing his suitcases from the trunk and backseat.

“Come on, help a guy out.” He heard through the thick glass of his father’s car, in small intervals he inhaled the most of the encouraging air he could and left the vehicle, grasping at the roller’s handles and forcing the remaining tears from his eyes, as none would come again. Thoughts flooded his mind as they made it to the walkway and sat on the painfully cold steel bench, waiting for the train that would take him to the airport. He thought of leaning into his father and giving him none other than a bone crushing hug, but what was the point if his father failed to return one back to him?

It’s not that his father hated him, or was glad he was leaving, no no no. The complete opposite at that. His father raised him to be the person he is today and his father placed every fiber of rarity into his son in hopes that his son would grow to be better than him. In hopes his son would reach heights no one else in his family was able to achieve. He refused to hug back because if he did, as soon as his finger touched the fabric of his old jacket that remained wrapped around his son he knew that he’d snatch him away and take him back to their home.

Lance and his father boarded the train together to the airport and as soon as he felt it stop he could feel his walls crumble like sand castles during high tide. As soon as Lance were to board his flight his father sent a hand clapping to his back and as much as it send a jolt through Lance he couldn’t help but feel at home again. Maybe Lance would feel okay, maybe another clap to his back at the Garrison would make him feel at home as well. And maybe, the jacket that gave him warmth on cold summer nights would make him feel loved some more.

And with a last look out of the plane window Lance sighed with the strength of a billion beating hearts and closed his eyes, a tear slipping away into the soft blue carpet of the planes floor. Turbulence came and now he was back in that castle. You rubbing his back as he lay on his stomach audibly sobbing still, tears passed your eyes eyelashes and it broke Lances heart. Perhaps the love his father’s jacket gave him has disappeared but the one you gave him was impeccable and indubitably was like the cool refreshing summer winds that wrapped around him during his last months with his family. Like the laughter that provided warmth to his heart and ears.

[soradgirl]

C3AFA Jakarta 2017

( this was so hard to work on I swear I have the worst memory)

Oh fun fact this was all actually broadcasted on Nico Nico, both panel and concert! (I think for the panel it was, but I’m definitely sure about the concert)

I came to the anifest for the anime.

Specifically the utaites 😏

There was also f'hana, Suzuki Konomi, May'n, and Usagi, but I’m not too familiar with them lol so I won’t write about them.

Also I’ll be writing about what they said to the audience but my Japanese isn’t… Perfect. I can understand it sometimes, but reading and writing is… Not good. 

S O R R Y.

Also because this was held in Indonesia I’ll be using Indonesian words when they spoke it, but in brackets I’ll put the English. I’ll also recap a few personally funny things that happened to me, specifically with my cousin that I brought along. (She isn’t even in a fandom, and doesn’t even know what utaites are)

NOW LET’S GO. (WARNING: LONG POST) 

I could only attend one day (Saturday), because of something I like to call hell school. Which I’m kind of sad about since Kradness is performing the second day and well, he’s the first utaite I’ve ever listened too. I’d go but there’s no way I’d be allowed to miss school Hahah :^)

The anifest exhibition, filled with little booths selling cute drawings, keychains, and a whole lot of Yuri on Ice yaoi. Official (?) booths include: Black Butler, Fate Apocalypse, some others I’m sure, but most were fan-run (?) booths. (I bought a set of Koi Yuri on Ice keychains that were adorable lol)

Of course that’s not what I came for. I came for the anisong concert. Specifically Tomohisa Sako.

The event began at 10:00 am. I arrived at 2:30 and bought the VIP tickets. To my dismay, T-kun had an autograph session at 12:30.

U N L U C K Y 

   To be fair was on the plane. Yes jakarta is not where I live. I live in another city boohoo. Flew out but missed autographs. 

And since I arrived late to purchase the tickets, the closest seats were row N. But at least had wasn’t in the standing area hahahahah. (Those who stood for three hours at the very back sorrymasen.) 

There was about five hours until concert doors opened. What can you do for five hours?? 

I took a look at the schedule. 

Wait. What’s this?

At 3:30 pm the beginning of nico nico panel!!? (Mind you I didn’t know this was happening.) I only came for the concert. This was great, I had some way to spend the time while waiting for the concert doors to open. 

 But who was performing? Was it anyone I knew? YES IT WAS. 

 Natsushiro Takaaki, Eve, and CleaNero (Clear and Nero.)

 L U C K Y. 

 I was so excited I stood in front of the small open stage thirty minutes early. Also because I wanted to be at the front. Then it happened. It begun. The crowd started to thicken. 

Anytime nico nico was mentioned me and a few other girls screamed like mad. 

(No pictures cause obviously they’re forbidden)

 I think the only downside of this short panel was that the time between each performance was really long XD. We had to wait around half an hour more or less for the next performer to come up. But they did provide entertainment in the middle of that wait.  

 Usagi was the first performer. She sang a song that I know the melody of but not the words or the title. (Shazam didn’t help either)

After her was my dear dear dearest Ikemennnnnnnnnnnn NATSUSHIRO TAKAAKI. He looked so good and ugh it was just amazing like how can someone be so cool lol. He came up on stage and pulled out a piece of paper. (a recurring theme.) 

“Selamat siang! (Good afternoon)” he said. Or tried to say, but he was cute for trying. “Nama saya Takaaki Natsushiro. (My name is Takaaki Natsushiro.)” he struggled to say it but we were patient. I was grinning so hard because him trying was so adorable. (”Ganbatte!” the crowd shouted in encouragement) 

Then he proceeded to speak in Japanese. “Do you understand Japanese?” he asked first. 

“We do!” the crowd, and me, answered. His smile grew like a little puppy as he complimented us it was amazing. (and adorable, they all were so dorky aa)

Okay here is where I apologize. I don’t remember any of the songs he sang. I KNOW I’M TERRIBLE BUT SERIOUSLY MY MIND BLANKED OUT. (I kept staring at his face I guess lol that’s not a valid excuse.) 

I think. THINK. He sang:  世界の真ん中を歩く(sekai no mannaka wo aruku)

BUT He was so enthusiastic as well, always getting the crowd to shout with the song, or clap our hands. (My cousin’s comment: How can he sing so perfectly while jumping?) ALSO DID I MENTION HOW STYLISH HIS OUTFIT WAS? HE WAS WEARING WHITE CLOTHES AND IT WAS WAS WAS COOLLLL.

He seriously looks like the drawings of him. Like with long white coat-thing with black underneath. And of course, a smile all the time. SO CUTE AGHHH

If anyone who was there knows any of the songs he sang please tell me ww I need help. 

Fun fact: during the performance I was looking at him then in the far corner I saw a guy wearing a mask. I stared for three seconds before almost, ALMOST shouting, “EVE.” 

Eve was watching the performance from a door to backstage it was so cute ww. 

A N D  

Eve was also the next performance. There was this one girl who seriously loved him, she kept shouting ‘kakkoi or kawaii’ when he came on stage ww and throughout the performance. So since no photos are allowed I have their faces branded into my brain haha. Okay but. Eve looks exactly like his avatar. Like the hair, the body shape, etc. I was gushing over it for the entire performance. He was wearing this blue patterned shirt with a floral jacket-thing over it, I think the pants matched the jacket. Why are Japanese people so stylish??? 

Now the performance. Not in correct order but he sang: 

ユニバース (Universe)

スパークル(Sparkle from Your Name/Kimi no Nawa.)

惑星ループ (Wakusei Loop)

Now this cute boy also pulled out that fated paper. He stared at it sometime, trying to pronounce the first few syllables. 

“Se- Sela? se se... (G- Goo? G-Good...)” he kept trying, eventually people starting shouting in encouragement but he held his hand out like ‘please be quiet I must focus.’ 

He then said it properly (well kind of). “Selamat siang! (Good afternoon)” When we cheered in response he looked so relieved that he had done it w. After that he sang another song. The poor boy was starting to get sweaty, and when he ended the song we could see he was really out of breath. To play it off adorably he panted into the microphone. “Haah haah, it’s hot...” he said (In japanese). (Cue squeals, it was so adorable.) And then he asked for a towel. 

While waiting for the towel he decided to speak a little to us, albeit in Japanese. He said, “before I came on stage I was really nervous!” (That’s what I think he sort of said. Could be wrong)  We all aww-ed and someone yelled (in Japanese) for him not to be nervous, which he obviously in turn replied with a thank you. 

I felt so sorry for my poor sweaty boy, and they didn’t have any towels to give him, so I half-jokingly told my cousin that I wanted to throw him some tissues. (She then kept trying to take my tissues and throw them upstage. I WAS IN THE FRONT ROW I SWEAR HE COULD SEE THIS HAPPENING IT WAS VERYYY EMBARRASSING.)

During Universe he got us to sing along to the ‘woah woah yeah yeah’ parts in the song, and during the instrumental breaks the crowd was shouting like, ‘HEY HEY HEY.” It was really nice. 

Wakusei Loop started playing and I screamed because I love that song. Immediately the crowd goes ‘ tuttururuttu ruttutturu’ along with the song. And some rhythmic clapping during choruses/ instrumentals.

When he left the stage I got so sad jeez. But i remembered that there was still CLEANERO.

I mean, there was two of them! Both, one package. Win win right? 

And they ran up on stage, instead of having that little paper scene, they went straight into the first song. 

The songs they sang (that I remember) are: 

Butterfly

Cotton Candy Cloud

That One Song That Goes ‘Lalalalala’ And They Got The Crowd to Sing With Them. (Aka idk)

And I’m sure there were more but I forgot song

But the thing about Clear and Nero is: THEIR HARMONIES. They are so beautiful i felt like shedding a tear seriously. It was like the heavenly voices came down to bless me on that anime day. 

But these two knew how to interact with fans more while performing. Although Nero more than Clear. They always stood on the front and one time Nero pointed at at an audience member while singing. 

But after two songs they took a break, and the paper came out. Clear was cackling while Nero tried to pronounce the words. He did so pretty well actually. 

“Selamat siang (good afternoon) Jakarta!” he yelled, which in reply we cheered, but then he handed the paper to Clear, who stopped laughing as soon as he realized what he had to do. 

Clear said the exact same thing as Nero, but with stuttering and a heavy accent.You could tell he was really embarrassed, especially when some of us giggled. Luckily MOST of us were very encouraging and cheered for him instead.

After they were done I headed to the main stage where the concert was being held. 

That’s when I entered and realized, “Oh no it started already?!?” 

I swear they began early. So we headed to out seats and May’n was performing. While she was singing my cousin pointed to the poster-thing, where the performers were lined up in this order from bottom to top:

Tomohisa Sako

May’n

Konomi Suzuki

f’hana

She told me that if it was in the order of the pictures then that would mean that T-kun already performed. CUE PANIC. I tried to stay calm and enjoy the show but my mind was going a quadrillion miles per hour thinking of what would be of my life if I had indeed missed Tomohisa perform. 

May’n finished and left the stage and I sat down while waiting for the next performer to come up. We were sitting there staring at the screen playing advertisements when it flashed and in very loud volume it played:

COMING UP NEXT: TOMOHISA SAKO

I SCREAMED SO LOUDLY AND TEARED UP. SERIOUSLY. MY HEART EXPLODED AND I JUST FELT LIKE AAAAAAAAAAAA IT WAS PURE BLISS HOLY CRAP. 

T-kun ran onto stage, and the girls were deafening. I tried to calm myself but how could I?!?! HOW COULD I?!?

T-kun sang many songs, but instead of listing them I’ll go through them. 

(Although maybe not in correct order.)

So he sang Renai Saiban (Love Trial) and it reminded me of the little medley he did with Amatan and I was singing along like a little bird that doesn’t really know all the lyrics ww. 

He sang Mezase Pokemon Master and mad us shout that pikachu part LIKE FIVE TIMES. HE EVEN CALLED OUT SOMEONE. “Ahh... You only! You only, okay?” he said in english. It was cute and I was SO JEALOUS OF THAT PERSON. 

He sang Get a Ban Ban and I THINK I JUMPED ALL MY FAT AWAY WHILE SINGING WITH HIM BECAUSE I WAS SO ENERGETIC. 

Sugar Song and Bitter Step. At the beginning he trailed off one of the lyrics and twirled his finger at the audience... Thinking about it still makes my heart beat aa it was wonderful. 

He sang Floria and I felt a little nostalgic since I haven’t listened to that song in awhile it was so nice. T-kun really is cute and sweet...

And he sang Blue Bird!! I SWEAR THE CROWD WAS THE MOST ENERGETIC FOR THIS SONG, I SWUNG MY LIGHTSTICK AROUND UNTIL I FELT LIKE MY ARM WAS GOING TO FALL OFF. 

Some other things that happened. 

Him trying so hard to speak in Indonesian. While he was trying someone in the crowd yelled, “ T-kun daisuki!” and he was startled and replied, “a~a~ arigato!” 

He told us, “Saya makan nasi goreng. Enak sekali. (I ate fried rice. It was really good.)” 

Then he asked us what foods we liked, and my cousin shouted, “INDOMIE!” (Instant noodles ww) I swear the people by us were cracking up. 

Seriously my boy was so pure and I had so much fun I just felt so blessed the entire time ww. 

IKEMEN BOYSSSS <3 

I want to follow them forever! 

(I want to translate the footage of T-kun’s performance but I must brush up on my Japanese ww. I can do the Indonesian. Hopefully I can though.)

C3 ANIFEST WAS AMAZING I MISS THEM SO MUCH. I WANT TO WATCH MORE OF MY UTAITE BABIES I HOPE THEY CONTINUE COMING TO INDONESIA!!