#there were like 2 other decent photos of this guy i searched up

[pengtheplush]

DUDE- where are the good reference photos for this guy? I had to screenshot all of these off of YouTube (shout out to Gamer's Little Playground and Vileleviathan).

[ghostybat00]

✧OLDERS.⁠✧

(✿⁠)Carlos Oliveira yandere and Leon Kennedy yandere sugar daddys(✿⁠)

Au: reader universitary.

Fem reader.

You were just a college student, young, with a pretty decent economy.That's what you thought until paying for the university where you study was more expensive every day, it was a lot of rent, exams, classes, dormitories and a lot of shit that you didn't even know you had to pay. You were lying in your bed in the middle of the night, you were on your computer trying to find a way to make money,you had your hair in a messy bun, a pair of shorts and a big shirt like pajamas.You were searching everywhere, posts, requests, advertisements, but they all asked for experience of up to at least 10 years,This was ridiculous and you were very stressed.It got to the point where you just clicked on anything in the hope that you could work to keep up with the payments.

"click!"

One page of...Sugar daddies..? Okay, you definitely didn't expect to get this far, you scanned the page, was this really the only way out?You knew that if you didn't get money you couldn't continue studying, you bit your lip thoughtfully, you scrolled through the profiles, until you found one that caught your attention. Apparently they were 2 adult men. In the photo there was a man of approximately 37 years old. Blonde, with short hair,Blue eyes like the ocean, a marked jaw and a look... that you didn't know how to describe, but there was something about it. And the other man,approximately 38 years old, somewhat tan skin, beard and messy black hair, Compared to the blonde man he looked more flirtatious.

Carlos Oliveira and

Leon Scott Kennedy.

You were even more surprised when the descriptions were based on the fact that the blonde-haired man, Leon Kennedy, was a survivor of Raccon City and serves the government, and the other, Carlos Oliveira, an Umbrella mercenary with a troubled past.

"These guys must make millions" You think.You checked the description again, they don't ask for a specific requirement, what if...? No! You should to find a decent job! You had an argument in your head with yourself.

"hell, well, I'm just going to post a photo and that's it. Let's see what happens." Little did you know that that day you would awaken something deep inside 2 men on that app.

You stood in the mirror of the room, you changed a little for the photo, you changed into a somewhat short black dress, tennis shoes and some natural makeup, and you posted them on the website, you changed again and you simply went to sleep without having much expectations.

The morning was rainy, you sighed as you looked out the window of your college dorm,You did the same routine, shower and eat breakfast, you walk to the campus while you couldn't help but think about tuition. Time was running out and you had to pay for it to continue studying, while you walked you took out your phone to try to distract yourself, a notification from that sugar daddy page, You were surprised when the same profile you saw yesterday added a heart to the photo you had uploaded of yourself.Accompanied with the message of that Carlos Oliveira.

"Hey sweet thing, Do you mind if we talk a little?"

From that day on you had conversations with that Carlos Oliveira, later you also started talking to Leon Kennedy, anyway they were the 2 guys in the profile on that page,You found them very pleasant, since instead of jumping to the obscene part they talked with you, the conversations were enjoyable that you even forgot that they were on a sugar daddy page, until one day, on Friday, when you were leaving the university, You saw a luxurious car in the parking lot, you ignored him until you heard your name from that car. Was it Leon Kennedy?!, oh yeah, you forgot you had shared your problem with money with them via chat, you definitely didn't expect them to take it seriously. You approached the car nervously...

"hello y/n, How nice to be able to see you in person, I'm Leon Kennedy, if you remember?"

"hello Leon,I didn't expect to see you here..." "see us" You heard a voice in the back seat, Carlos Oliveira looking at you with a flirtatious smile, as he got out of the car to help you with your backpack, he opens the door so you can go in the passenger seat,but not before giving you a big bear hug that almost left you breathless. "Get in, don't be shy" Leon says with a slight smile. You sat in the passenger seat, nervous, Leon noticed this and gave you a small reassuring smile. They had a conversation with you, they agreed to help you pay for college, which you thanked them for and you felt relieved, Of course, you obviously knew what kind of page you met them on, but you had no choice but to agree to be "they sugar baby."

They treated you very well, you spent time in their luxurious house, Of course, you noticed that every time you talked to a classmate at the university they ended up moving away or in the worst cases disappearing, this scared you so you looked for comfort in them. They loved this, you were so naive, young and innocent, They always pampered you with the best gifts, little by little you spent more time at their house than in yours,and they always found an excuse to make you spend the night with them for weeks or even a month, they were very sweet but it was strange how everyone avoided talking to you if they saw you with them, also overprotective measures,They insisted that you give them your exact location every time you went to university, normal things like knowing when you left, until strangely sending you a message at the exact time you left each class. You knew this was getting out of control, but they were 2 adult men, tall, and experienced in weapons and combat, You know they would never hurt you, but this gave you chills, just as they always liked to be around you, You always had eyes on you, an arm on your hip or your waist. Leon was very protective, he was the one who noticed those overprotection tendencies the most. On the other hand, Carlos was more of a possessive person, as he joked that you were going to be his only one. But they were both equally obsessed.

One of those days you were about to leave the house because it was time to go to university, you felt hands on you, Leon says with his deep voice. "Where are you going, my sweet girl?"

"Leon, it's late, I need to run to the university -" "Why don't you stay a little longer? You've worked hard, rest a little with us." Says leon softly but with that overprotective tone as he hugs you with his tall and imposing figure behind you. His eyes soften"but"- You couldn't finish why he carried you towards the kitchen where Carlos was making breakfast, "doll, Leon is right, you should stay a little longer." Carlos says while cooking and the delicious smell of waffles fills the room. "Look, I really appreciate what You two have done for me but I can't continue missing days at university-" You couldn't even finish why Leon put you on his lap, wrapping his muscular arms around you and giving you a kiss on the cheek. "Look doll, what's more important, the university or us?,We don't want that university to take our baby from us, right?" Carlos joked with his humor as always, but you felt that there was a hint of seriousness in that. Carlos serves breakfast and brings the fork closer to your mouth, His eyes gave warmth but obsession at the same time.

This was getting out of hand, but what Will You do...?

[some-little-infamy]

Chapter 2- You Don’t Want What You Saw, but You Saw What You Wanted

(Read on AO3) (Read from Chapter 1) 

Unfortunately, there are several other places Steve probably should be, like checking in with the rest of his band to make sure their stuff is ready to go on to their next show, meeting back up with Nancy and Jonathan who are expecting him any minute now, and also eating. Steve was waiting until after his set to go grab food and he’s starving, but instead of finding some lunch with his friends, he ignores the sound of his rumbling stomach while the first few notes of Corroded Coffin’s warm-up reach him backstage.

Steve grabs his phone and prays he has enough service back here to send a quick text to Nancy.

‘Hey. Something came up and I can’t meet with you guys right now. Not sure when I’ll be free, grab food without me.’

The reply is almost immediate.

‘Did someTHING come up, or someONE?’ Nancy’s message comes through followed by the eyes emoji.

He loves and hates in equal measure how well his friends know him.

‘You wouldn’t believe me if I told you. I’ll fill you in later, promise.’

Steve’s played enough shows to know better than to risk leaving and getting back before Eddie’s set is over. There’s never as much time as you think there is, especially with crowds like these.

While he waits he scrolls through Twitter, specifically searching through the #Decide tag to see what people say about their performance. He knows it’s a gamble and everyone tells him not to do it, but he can’t help it. He’s too curious for his own good. Scrolling through the most recent posts he sees at least three positive ones for every negative one. Steve knows he won’t be everyone’s favorite - Eddie made that pretty damn clear after all - but it’s still reassuring to see more good than bad.

After a particularly cruel tweet he closes the app with a frown and turns his attention over to what he can see of Corroded Coffin as they start their performance. The downside of backstage means he misses a lot of the center-stage theatrics, but they sound spectacular even from here. He slips around to get a decent view of the side stage to watch Eddie toss his hair as he struts - because that isn’t just a walk, that’s definitely the stage presence of a strut - across the stage.

The only thing that manages to draw his attention away from his crush over the next half an hour is the buzzing of his phone in his pocket when Nancy sends him several photos of her and Jonathan eating a plate of loaded waffle fries that Steve would sell his soul for. He’s just thinking about how he hopes Eddie will be up for food to go with those drinks when the music stops, fading into the sound of enthusiastic cheering as Eddie and his bandmates walk backstage, clapping each other on the back with congratulations of a successful show.

Steve stays out of the way while they wrap up the instruments and equipment. Part of him wants to offer to help but he’s been in the industry long enough to know how particular a lot of artists are about their stuff.

“Still up for those drinks?” Steve asks as the last of the mic cords are coiled.

“Absolutely,” Eddie replies. “If we go now most of the fans will still be here for another hour or two. Maybe we can avoid the worst of them.”

Steve almost forgets that Eddie’s only referring to himself and not both of them.

“Sounds good,” he agrees.

“Do you gotta check in with your group at all?” Eddie asks, glancing around.

“They’ll wait for me, don’t worry,” Steve says with a smirk. He knows he’s playing a dangerous game and he also knows that he should just be honest… but he hasn’t exactly lied, either. He’s just allowed Eddie to make certain assumptions and hasn’t corrected them. That isn’t the same thing - at least that’s what he tells himself on the way to the bar.

“Did you like the set?” Eddie asks as they walk.

“Of course,” Steve says. “I haven’t seen you put on a bad show yet.”

“You’ve seen us before?” Eddie sounds surprised. “I didn’t realize you were a fan.”

“My taste isn’t all bad,” Steve jokes.

To Eddie’s credit, he winces a bit at the lighthearted jab. “Listen, don’t, like, tell anyone I said that about Decide, alright? I’d rather not get in some ridiculous press war. I can see it now,” Eddie pauses for dramatic effect, bringing his hands up and spreading them out wide in front of him mimicking a headline. “Corroded Coffin Frontman Denounces Decide”

Steve laughs. “It’d make a good headline,” he admits.

“I don’t do drama,” Eddie says, the words spoken with an impossibly endearing scrunch of his nose.

“...I do watch your shows, remember,” Steve reminds him, eyebrow raised.

“I said I don’t do drama. Now, stirring up a little controversy, on the other hand…” Eddie shoots Steve a wink that makes Steve go a little weak in the knees.

Thankfully, it’s at that moment they arrive at the bar Eddie had in mind. Steve gets a few minutes of reprieve while they get a table and order some drinks and, much to the delight of Steve’s stomach, food.

“So what do you do when you aren’t on the road?” Eddie asks.

“Honestly? Not a lot. I have a dog at home I enjoy spending time with more than most people, if I’m being honest,” Steve admits, then levels Eddie with a half-smile, half-smirk before adding, “Present company excluded.”

Eddie doesn’t blush, but he looks very pleased with the compliment.

“Good to know,” Eddie replies, popping a fry into his mouth.

They make small talk, every few sentences mixing in a little bit of flirting. It’s more subtle on Steve’s part, things like remarks of admiration for Eddie’s career or his style choices, but it’s much bolder from Eddie with comments on Steve’s hair and eyes and… other parts that leave Steve as red as the salsa on the table in front of them.

Things are going well, or so Steve thinks. Except all of a sudden Eddie’s lips turn down into a frown with an eye-roll of pure annoyance. Just when Steve is about to ask if he’d said something wrong Eddie straight-up groans.

“I knew it was too good to be true that we made it this far,” Eddie sighs. “Sorry about this.”

“About what?” Steve asks.

“I’ve been made,” Eddie says the words with a tone that’s mostly annoyance with a hint of self-satisfaction. It’s a combination of feelings that Steve knows all too well.

“Excuse me, are you-”

Steve is only half-paying attention as the person comes over to their table, their auburn hair styled into one of those fashionable-again mullet cuts, and black eyeliner winged in a sharp, precise line. They wear a jean jacket with haphazardly sewn-on patches and carry the sort of vibes Steve imagines Eddie would be very into.

So he’s surprised when Eddie immediately starts to turn the fan away.

“Listen, I’m just trying to eat here, I don’t want to-”

“What? No. Uh, sorry, whoever-you-are,” they say, turning away from Eddie to face Steve. “You are Steve Harrington, right?”

Steve’s eyes widen in surprise. It isn’t the first time he’s been recognized in public, but it isn’t exactly common. And certainly not while he’s sharing a table with an arguably much more famous - and more recognizable if nothing else - celebrity.

Eddie looks over at Steve with the same wide-eyed perplexity, but for a much different reason. So much for keeping his actual role in the band a secret, then. Steve humors the idea of lying, playing it off as a case of mistaken identity, but the thought is gone as quickly as it arrives. He can’t actually bring himself to push away a fan.

“Yeah. Nice to meet you…”

“Emryn,” they say, grinning wide. “Your set was so good. I’ve been dying to see you live and you did not disappoint. Even my wife - who is not your biggest fan - admitted it was a great show.”

Steve laughs. “Maybe she can come talk to this one, then,” Steve suggests, nodding his head back toward Eddie.

“You don’t like Decide?!” They accuse, turning back to Eddie.

“He’s more of a Corroded Coffin fan,” Steve says, biting back laughter as they scrunch their nose in obvious dislike.

“Oh,” they say, shrugging. “Sure.”

Eddie slow-blinks a few times, clearly trying to process the turn of events this whole scenario just took on him while Steve does his best to, well, perform. It isn’t that his entire persona is an act so much as he is not cut out for being famous, and interacting with fans always goes a lot smoother if he hams it up a bit.

“Would you mind--?” The fan holds out their ticket from the festival and a sharpie, both of which Steve dutifully takes, scrawling his practically illegible signature across the front of it.

“Thank you so much,” they say. “I won’t hold up any more of your dinner!”

Just like that, they’re gone.

And just like that, Steve is left alone with a very displeased Eddie Munson.

[simonrileysprettywife]

Lost and Found | Daniel Ricciardo x Reader

Summary: Nova recently moved into an apartment in Austin, Texas where she hoped she could shed her past life and raise her baby away from everything that made her leave her old home.

Warnings: Fem!Reader with name, no use of Y/N, fluff, a lot of fluff, mentions of abuse, slight mention of scars, (reader is a pretty crybaby so) comfort, daddy issues?, tiredness, friends to lovers type of thing, angst, Daniel being a total sweetheart (it's a warning cause you'll die from cuteness), he ends up being a total girl dad, (Daniel falls in love in a matter of hours I think, don't kill me) Love at first sight ig?

Note: This is to help my baby fever, hope you enjoy it, like and reblog please.

Note 2: Would you guys like to read more of their story? let me know please

Word count: 4.5k (I may have gotten a little carried on)

It was Daniel's first vacation weekend since the summer break had started, he decided to come to Austin to relax, the atmosphere of the Texans made him feel at home but it was clear that waking up at 7 in the morning on a Saturday was not within his plans, he wasn't expecting visitors, that was obvious, however a soft knock on the door woke him up, he got out of bed with a groan, taking off the sheets was obviously not something easy for him.

He was putting on a pair of shorts and sneakers to at least look decent when he opened the door when there was another knock "I'm coming!" He spoke in a soft voice running his hands through his hair one last time before opening the door, he could have imagined thousands of things he could find on the other side of the door, fans excited to take photos and receive autographs, some crazy groupie looking for a hug and maybe a kiss on the cheek, but he would never have thought about what he was seeing right now, big honey-colored eyes were looking at him from the ground crystallized with tears and expectantly, a baby of at least a year and a half thought, in her little hands she carried a strawberry-shaped teether,  she wore a cute white dress with yellow flowers, and had bright red hair with cute little buns on each side of her head.

"Hey.." Daniel crouched down to be at her height extending his hand gently "Good morning" the little girl spoke this time surprising Daniel, she released the handle of her teether to put her little hand on Daniel's hand, "Good morning , What are you doing here?" The boy closed his hand, trapping the girl's hand inside it "I'm lost" The little girl's eyes watered again and that made Daniel's heart shrink "You’re lost? Where is mama?" Daniel looked both ways down the aisle looking for the little girl's mother but he couldn't see her anywhere so he returned his gaze to the baby in front of him, the girl shrugged her shoulders several times while pouting threatening to break into crying at any time, "It's okay, sweety, it’s okay" Daniel rubbed her back with his free hand before getting up "Come, let's go find mama, okay?" The girl nodded her head several times before raising her little hands silently asking the boy to pick her up in his arms and who was he to refuse? He reached down again and the girl wrapped her arms around his neck. He "seated" her on his forearm, she rested her cheek on his shoulder looking out and when he was sure she was comfortable he started walking in search of her apartment.

He had barely passed three apartments to the right after his looking for the girl's, behind the (half-open) door of the fourth apartment in which they were looking they could hear the voices of the Backyardigans coming from the television. Hearing this the girl turned her head in the direction of the door and reached out her hand to open it, Daniel took a few steps into the apartment looking around, "Hey, uhmm... I have your baby!" Daniel yelled as he entered the apartment to avoid scaring whoever was inside.

There were toys all over the floor, the place smelled like clean clothes so Daniel assumed it was laundry day, a thought he checked when a girl of about 25 years old, maybe 5'7, bright orange hair like the baby's, white as a sheet of paper and beautiful honey-colored eyes,  ran out of the laundry room. She wore a dress just like the girl's, it was clearly her mother, an expression of terror and confusion took place on her face, her eyes traveled between the boy and the girl in his arms who smiled as soon as she saw her, she quickly approached when the baby extended her arms for her to carry her, "Where were you huh?" She spoke to the baby once she had her in her arms, "Your apartment was open, I guess she got lost coming back from her little adventure and she was knocking on my door, I live in the fourth apartment on the left."

Daniel gave a soft smile to the girl who looked at him again while rocking the baby in her arms, "I'm so sorry, she's a little escapist, I didn't even realize when she opened the door" The baby blurted out a giggle at her mother's words, that warmed Daniel's heart so his smile became much bigger, "She's very polite, she said good morning when I opened the door for her" The girl smiled broadly upon hearing that, "You did? huh? you did that?" She spoke with a higher voice to the baby tickling her stomach, "She likes you then, she hardly talks to anyone and much less does she let herself be carried by someone who’s not me, did she tell you her name?" Daniel laughed softly before shaking his head taking the handle on the teether the baby was offering him, "I'm afraid I didn't ask her, maybe I'm not as polite as she is but I was worried she was too far from home." The boy gently shook the little girl's hand through the handle that connected them making her laugh again, her mom opened her mouth in surprise before smiling "He brought you home and you didn't tell him?, you little rascal, tell him what your name is, he deserves to know after you woke him up" She pinched her nose between her knuckles shaking her head gently, Daniel would be lying if he said that the girl's interactions with the baby weren't killing him with cuteness.

His cheeks ached from how much he was smiling, and honestly after everything that was happening at McLaren smiling this way was such a relief for him and just when he thought the girl couldn't be cuter he heard her babble her name between giggles, "Julie, your name is Julie" her mom pinched her ribs a few more times before looking at the boy in front of her, "She's a baby from July, hence her name" she followed her words with movements of her free hand taking her time to analyze the boy, "And I guess her mother has a cute name too, doesn't she?" The girl's eyes widened as a slight blush took over her cheeks, the words seemed to be stuck in her throat, "M-my name is Nova, Nova Asterin which means "New Star" my mom wanted something cute and my dad something related to space so that was the result" The burning of her cheeks intensified a little more when the boy repeated her name several times in a whisper smiling later, "I... I don't know your name, I can't thank a stranger for bringing my rocket home" Nova laughed softly before pulling her lower lip with her tongue trapping it between her teeth, "I should have introduced myself earlier, my name is Daniel, it's nice to meet you both" Daniel smiled gently nodding. No doubt this was not the way she expected to start the day but she wasn't going to complain either, Nova returned the smile gently, without realizing they were holding each other's eyes.

It wasn't uncomfortable at all and it wasn't until the baby started sobbing that they both came out of their trance, "What's wrong, baby? You hungry? Let's go have some breakfast" Daniel stepped aside to let her go into the dining room where he sat the baby down in a yellow baby chair, he saw her grab an apron and tie it around her waist before disappearing into the kitchen, what was happening to him? he could swear if he didn't stop looking at her his face would explode, they were probably up so early because the girl's father worked at that hour and he was here almost drooling over her, "Well, my work is done, I should probably go by now" He standed in the kitchen doorway wiping the sweat from his hands on his thighs, Nova turned around to look at him with wide eyes, "Don't you want to have breakfast with us? It's the least I can do after you preventing my daughter from ending up in the building's lost and found box."

Nova giggled nervously scanning Daniel up and down one more time, [would he have a girlfriend? oh my god, maybe she was waiting for him] her thoughts terrified her leaving her frozen in her spot, "Aren't you waiting for someone?" Daniel asked, raising an eyebrow questioningly, looking around for family photos or something like that, but he only found a photo of Julie with whom he assumed was Nova's mother, "Us? No, not at all, the I was preparing to go to the zoo, early there are not so many people and not so much sun either, which as you can imagine, is not our best friend" Another laugh left her throat as she pointed to her body, of course, someone so white should not enjoy the sun much, "You uuhh... Is someone waiting for you?" This time it was her turn to question him, both trying to clarify their doubts about the other, "No, no one is waiting for me, I'm on vacation with my best friend but last night he found a cute girl and I don't know anything about him" They both laughed at Daniel's revelation and after stayed silent for another couple of minutes, "So...breakfast?" Nova pointed at the stove behind her with the spatula she had in her hand to which Daniel nodded moving closer to her to see what he was preparing.

"I hope you like waffles with fruit and an exorbitant amount of Nutella because that's what I was preparing before having to run to the washing machine and  before that ball went on an excursion" In the background the baby laughed while watching TV and shaking a bottle of juice that Nova had given her earlier, "Are you kidding?, Darling, I love waffles, here, let me help you" Daniel took the knife from her hands and took her waist to move her from the place to cut the fruit himself, the action left her static, the skin he touched lightning with electricity and a strong blush covering her cheeks for a few seconds, she blinked a few times before she could move to prepare Julie's bowl of yogurt.

She took out some pieces of frozen fruit from the freezer, putting them around the bowl of yogurt that she was going to give to the baby, the cold of the fruit helped her with the swelling in her gums caused by her teeth, when she was little her mother gave her frozen mango every time one of her teeth came out because it broke her heart to see her cry and now she did the same for Julie, in fact, she would do everything possible so her baby would never suffer, "There we go" The voice of the boy behind her brought her out of her thoughts, Daniel took the plate of chopped fruit to the dining room table where Julie was and Nova followed him with the plate of waffles and the baby's breakfast, putting it in front of her and handing her the spoon, "No disaster" She warned her pointing her finger at her before going back to the kitchen for two plates, forks and the Nutella for her and Daniel.

Daniel watched the girl who after her mother's "threat" nodded and began to eat without spilling a drop, he expected her to make a complete mess like his nephew when he was younger but he got surprised to see how tidy the baby was, after a few seconds of looking at her, he redirected his attention to Nova who was returning from the kitchen with the last things for them to finally have breakfast, the girl smiled shyly at him when his gaze slowly scanned her as she sat across from him at the table.

They ate in silence for a few minutes until Daniel couldn't stop his curiosity and dared to speak, "So... you guys live here alone?" Nova looked up from the television where the Backyardigans were still playing, nodding softly until she managed to turn her attention to the boy in front of her, "I work from 7 in the morning to 2 in the afternoon every day except weekends of course, Julie is on vacation now so I'm leaving her with her babysitter but in two weeks it's her first day of preschool, we moved in just a month ago" Nova tilted her head gently before taking the last bite of her waffle, Daniel nodded as he finished his waffles too [Why would such a pretty girl be here alone?] he wondered as he watched her wipe Julie's mouth getting rid of any yogurt residue that might have been left behind.

"Do you mind if I join you?" Daniel asked abruptly, causing Nova to look at him with wide-open eyes, surprised, "To the zoo I mean, I don't have anything to do today and I'd like to go with you..." His face was a poem, he was probably blushing just like the girl in front of him, "Sure, I think Julie would really enjoy the company" Nova smiled widely as she noticed the way Daniel's face lit up and her heart fluttered with happiness, "Great! I'll see you outside in 10 minutes" Daniel almost jumped from his seat, he needed to take a 5 minute shower so he said goodbye to the girl and her mother giving them a quick kiss on the top of their heads and ran to his apartment where to his surprise his best friend was already there , "Hectic night?" Daniel asked when he saw him sitting on the edge of the bed rubbing his temples with a pained expression, "Where the hell were you?" the boy asked seeing him take clean clothes in such a hurry, "Four apartments to the right" Daniel answered as he left his things in the bathroom, "She must be cute if she can get you to wake up so early" He mocked, earning a threatening look from Daniel. Daniel, "Don't bother Scotty, we're just going to the zoo" Daniel disappeared into the bathroom leaving his friend who with a groan had flopped onto the bed.

Nova was with a silly smile since Daniel had said goodbye to her and Julie, what was going on? She had met him that same morning and now he would accompany her to the zoo? It didn't bother her at all, on the contrary, it excited her, and that at the same time terrified her, no one could fall in love so quickly, could they?. Either way she donned matching white Nikes with Julie, adjusting her hair for the 1000th time in a span of 5 minutes, she felt like a teenager about to go out on her first date, god was this an date? She shook her head to get rid of her thoughts and smoothed her dress with her hands checking herself one last time in the mirror before turning to Julie who was waiting for her on the bed, "Do you like him?" The baby nodded quickly, taking out of her mouth the new cold teether that Nova had given her to talk, "Handsome" Nova's mouth formed an O of surprise, they both burst out laughing and the girl squeezed the baby's cheek, "Oh I see now, smarty pants."

They were both waiting in the living room watching TV, Nova repeated some dialogues from the movie they were watching after Julie got tired of the Backyardigans, the girl moved the baby's arms to the rhythm of the song Barbie sang making her laugh just when someone knocked on the door.

Nova turned off the TV and put Julie on the floor who ran to open the door, behind it was Daniel, he was wearing a black sweatshirt with a nice formula 1 car in the center and ripped jeans, he looked handsome and his smile multiplied everything, his face shone with happiness, Nova felt that the emotion she had in her stomach did not fit into her own body, "Ready?" Nova nodded turning around to check that everything was alright one last time before leaving, once the door was closed Daniel lifted Julie in his arms and took Nova's hand, the contact sent electricity through both of their bodies, She looked at him surprised but noticing how happy this little action made him, she also smiled looking at the floor to hide her blush.

Daniel thought that perhaps the action had been very drastic and that she was going to reject him, but she did not move her hand, which further encouraged Daniel who began to walk towards the elevator, once inside he took a look at his hand that covered almost entirely Nova's, he grinned before breaking the silence, "So what's the plan?" Daniel adjusted Julie in his arm who was falling asleep on his shoulder, he looked at the baby for a few seconds, she was curled up in the curve of his neck gently sucking on the teether that Nova had given her minutes before leaving home, her eyes closed gently as her left arm hung deliberately at Daniel's side, "Well, we only thought about the zoo, Julie likes otters a lot but we left home before she could meet them there" Daniel nodded gently swinging his hand hand with which he held hers, Nova took a quick look at her daughter letting out a giggle, Daniel looked at her with an eyebrow raised as a question but his lips kept a slight smile, "What are you laughing at, huh?" Nova covered her mouth with her free hand this time laughing once more, "Putting her to sleep is torture but you hold her and she falls in minutes, what did you do to my daughter huh?" They both laughed this time, the elevator stopped and opened its doors, they both walked through the reception towards the doors, the doorman greeted Daniel with a polite nod opening the door and then greeted Nova in a more casual manner, after after all, he already knew her and Julie well enough.

"We'll go in my car" Daniel announced gently turning his head to look at her, Nova had just reached into her purse to get her keys but stopped when she heard his words, she nodded softly looking around with wide eyes, "Can we go get Julie's stroller out of my car?" She asked timidly trying to ignore the "discreet" cameras that were taking pictures of them from afar, Daniel smiled and squeezed her hand to make her feel safe, Daniel liked the fact that Nova didn't know who he was or what he did for a living, he felt comfortable and safe so he decided that he would tell her later, for the moment he would maintain the little anonymity he had with her.

They walked towards Nova's truck that was not so far from the parking lot entrance, the girl let go of Daniel's hand to approach the trunk taking out a folded stroller, he hurried to take it because it looked a bit heavy, Nova opened her mouth to protest but Daniel didn't give her a chance, he silently let her know that as long as he was there she wasn't going to carry anything heavy so she resigned herself closing her trunk and returning to Daniel's side who started walking towards a nice black car, it was a McLaren if she wasn't wrong, only someone with a lot of money could have a car like this, some things clicked in her head but she still couldn't figure everything out so she preferred to keep quiet, "You don't know how much it hurts me to let you go" he whispered to the baby before giving her to Nova so he could put the stroller in the trunk, once that was done he opened the passenger door for the redhead and made sure that she and the baby were comfortable before closing the door and coming around the car to take his place on the driver's side.

Daniel began to drive to the zoo in silence, the girl took advantage of the fact that Julie was still sound asleep to analyze the boy once more, his hair was brown, curly and his eyes were very similar to hers, with beautiful green sparkles that shone with the morning sun, a sight for sore eyes if you asked her, "Why did you guys move?" His voice brought her out of her trance, the boy looked at her with big eyes waiting for her answer, she thought about it for a few seconds but decided that maybe it was time to talk to someone about it, "My father is not the best person in the world, and let's say that he wasn't particularly happy with the situation, I didn't want my Julie to go through all that" Nova let out a nervous giggle and Daniel noticed how her shoulders tensed when talking about her father but he didn't want to push too hard so he just nodded and continued driving.

Without realizing it the day went by as fast as water, the visit to the zoo was better than any other activity the girl has been able to do with the baby since they moved in, with the boy excited to show things to Julie, Nova at last had a small opportunity to feel relieved, after that Daniel insisted on taking them to eat so she had no choice but to accept, in a blink of an eye they were already in Nova's apartment, aware that it was late but refusing to say goodbye.

When they finally succeeded, Daniel now went to his apartment happy knowing that he had promised Nova to come back on Tuesday to see a movie and have dinner. He opened the door still feeling in the clouds, his friend had not stopped asking questions since they went to bed hoping to know more about this mysterious girl receiving short answers from Daniel who refused to reveal information about her or the baby.

Tuesday afternoon had arrived, Daniel would be there in less than 5 minutes and Nova couldn't get Julie to stop crying, desperation grew in her chest with each tear that fell from her baby's big eyes that couldn't vocalize for her what was wrong, the tears began to accumulate in her own eyes wetting her cheeks as she continued trying to reassure Julie and just when she thought she was hopeless someone knocked on the door, "Look baby! You know who that is? Yes, yes you know" The girl spoke to the baby who kept crying until the door opened revealing Daniel's silhouette and out of nowhere, what seemed like incessant crying stopped, the girl's eyes shone with happiness looking at the smiling brunette in front of her, she extended her little arms towards him and Nova allowed him to carry her, without words she let him pass allowing him to sit with the baby on the sofa while she went to the kitchen.

Nova took refuge in the safety of her kitchen sitting on the floor to cry her exhaustion, Julie had started crying since early in the morning, maybe since 5 or 6 am she really couldn't remember it and had stopped… At some point, but it had started all over again minutes later, they were both tired but Julie refused to take a nap and Nova was too soft to let her cry alone in her bed.

Now she was cornered between the countertops of her kitchen hidden behind the isle to avoid being seen by the boy who was now looking for her, "I managed to make her fall asleep, I hope that works", When Daniel entered the kitchen she got up like a lightning, turning her back trying to wipe her tears that seemed infinite now, "T-Thank you, that's great!" His heart melted, she was clearly exhausted so he decided to try and give her some relief, he slowly approached her and hugged her gently around the waist, he felt her body tense for a few seconds before succumbing to tiredness and tears again, her back hunched slightly due to the minor depressurisation on her spine that had been hurting for hours, she clung to Daniel's arms that rested his head on her shoulder, "It's okay… You're okay" His voice was almost a whisper, he wanted to make her feel safe, let her know that he was there for her.

"You're not mad at me?" The redhead whispered to him between sobs which made Daniel's expression change, anger taking momentary possession of his face as he denied without taking his cheek from her back, "Of course not, honey, why woould you say that?", There was a small silence in which only the soft sobs of the redhead could be heard, "Dad used to hit me when I cried… He used to get very mad" The girl confessed making Daniel's blood boil in seconds, [who would do something so horrible to his own daughter?], he couldn't think of anything worse until the girl slightly lifted her shirt revealing her lower back, her skin was adorned with scars, some looked way older than others, without thinking he knelt in front of her, with firm hands on each side of her hip and gently kissed the area, he no longer cared if he was going too fast, he wanted to protect her, to let her know that no matter how crazy it sounded, he loved her and would never leave her or Julie alone, "I got you , you're safe now, baby.." he whispered into the girl's skin causing her to shiver from head to toe, his hot breath contrasting with her always cold skin.

She nodded gently, resting her hands on the counter as he stood up, turning her on her heels to look at him, her beautiful eyes were red and swollen from exhaustion but to Daniel she was still the prettiest girl he had ever seen, "Be mine… Stay with me please" The boy whispered taking her chin between his index finger and his thumb to make her look at him, their eyes connected, she nodded again making him smile widely, he hid her in his chest and she wrapped her arms around his waist squeezing him against her body, she didn't know what was waiting for her next but she was sure she wouldn't have to worry about anything ever again.

[taestefully-in-luv]

The Island | KTH (Eight)

Summary: You’re just two strangers waking up in a room on a lonely island where a company in the business of love has placed you. They believe that thanks to their in depth research you two are destined soulmates. What happens when your ‘soulmate’ and you want nothing to do with each other but falling in love is the only way to leave?

Pairing: Taehyung x Female reader

Genre: strangers to lovers, very slight enemies to lovers, soulmates au, roommate au, slow burn, fluff, smut, angst, slight crack, and drama.

Word Count: 10.7k

Warnings: swearing, sexual tension (?) mentions of sex, someone gets punched by someone,

Notes: Enjoy this chapter guys:) Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist, or send an ask if just want to chat about the stories!:)

Taglist: @ggukkieland @707sblog @peacedreamer14 @dopedreamfireparty @everythingnamjoon @taebae19 @typicalgenzworld @mooniyooni @helenazbmrskai @justinetingball @jpeachytaev @marplest @calling-dips-on-j-hope @lecavivien @fancycollectormoon @mawwnsterr

© taestefully-in-luv

Previous --- Next

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The room you are in is as cold and empty as you feel. The one single table with 3 chairs, 2 on one side and the one you are currently occupying across from them. The room feels chilling like ghosts haunt it. Maybe they do, you think. The silence is truly deafening and the wait for these 2 other chairs to be filled makes you anxious. It’s been a few months since you have been back here and it makes you uncomfortable each time but you know little by little you are receiving answers.

Finally, after a long wait the heavy door to the room screeches open. And in comes a man and woman in professional clothing—he in a suit and the woman in a dress suit. They smile at you awkwardly like they feel pity. They both pull out their chair and take a seat.

“Have you found it yet? The island?” you’re quick to blurt out and they nervously look at one another before frowning.

“It isn’t that easy unfortunately Miss y/l/n. We’ve been in search of this company for over 50 years.” The woman taps her fingers on the table. “We have yet to find them or this island you speak of.”

You can’t help the scoff that escapes you as you roll your eyes to the side.

“What kind of intel agency is this? You can’t even find some lame ass fucking love company.” You spit out.

The man hardens his eyes at you as he takes a long, deep breath. Obviously trying to gather his patience.

“Here’s what we do know.” He begins. “They tapped your home, your cell, all of your accounts and spied on you for over a year. Doing their…” he pauses, biting his lip. “Research…”

“And drugged you and your parents the night of the kidnapping.” The woman picks up where he left off, “And then they drugged you again to return you home and also your parents…assuming so it wasn’t to wake them while they were in your home…” she gulps…she understands how invasive this all is.

“You didn’t think to set up cameras around my parent’s house? For when they would return me? You didn’t think to keep an eye—”

“We did.” The man clears his throat, “But they….” He drags his hand down his tired face, “This company is smart. They obviously know what they are doing. The night of your return the cameras we had set up miraculously stopped working.”

You can’t help the laughter that erupts from your body. You begin shaking your head in disbelief, your laughter dying when you realize how serious this is.

“This is fucking bullshit.” You say with a tight lip smile. “Anyway…do you…do you guys…did you look into what I asked of you?” your eyes slide to the side as you nervously pull at the ends of your hair.

“The man you were with? Kim Taehyung…yes, we looked into it. We have been working with Korea’s intel in hopes to solve this case. He has been working together with them. I cannot release any personal information though.” The woman eyes her partner and her frown deepens. “Miss y/l/n…I know this is difficult and you two have been through a lot together. But I am sure you can find a way to reach out—”

“I just wanted to know how he is doing is all.” You cut her off, “It’s fine.”

~~~~~

You stare at the letter in your hands, it’s an off white color and the font in quite fancy. Your parents let you see it a few weeks after you returned home but every night you take it in your hands and stare at it. Not knowing how to take it. The company sent it to them the day you disappeared…explaining the company’s goals. They sent photos of you and Taehyung every week to prove you were alive and well. Your parents said this is what kept them sane…trusting you were okay because they couldn’t—wouldn’t accept any other reality.

Your heart aches thinking of what your parents must have been through but not just them…your sister found out through your mom and dad about the situation and she grew so worried without you. When she found out you were returned home she immediately came to you, sobbing in your arms and hasn’t left you since.

You set the letter down and pick up the pile of photos on your night stand…it’s a thick stack. You begin shuffling through them and you feel like someone has stabbed you in the chest with a dull knife and they begin to carve your heart out. It’s slow and painful…they finally take your slow beating heart and squeeze it in their hands, blood spilling and spilling. Killing you.

Some photos are just of you but majority you are accompanied by Taehyung and seeing his smiling face makes you relieve the experience of getting your heart carved out of your chest.

You glance up at your ceiling as tears begin building in your eyes, you try to blink them back, your eyes opening and closing repeatedly. But it’s no use, not when you feel this lost and hopeless. Suddenly, there is knocking on your bedroom door and your father is walking in.

“Ready sweetie? Got the rest of your things?” He steps into the room, a worried expression on his face but he tries to hide it behind a forced smile. “We should get going.”

You quickly sniffle and nod your head, shoving the stack of photos and letter into your backpack before you’re swinging it over your shoulders.

“Yup, ready.”

It’s moving day. Thankfully you found another job in your old town that you lived in, you found a new, better apartment that is close to where you use to live, you finally are getting out of your parents hair.

“Alright let’s get this show on the road!” your dad pats you on the back as you walk past him. He’s got the truck loaded and ready to go for the couple hour drive. Back to the city!

~

“This place is so much nicer than your last!” Your sister sets a box down on your new kitchen counter, “You actually have a decent sized kitchen! Not that you really cook.” She laughs.

“Hey!” you whine, “I told you I learned quite a bit of cooking while on the island.”

“You also told me that your boyfriend cooked a lot too…so I’ll just assume he did all the work.” She teases and your face falls.

“He isn’t my boyfriend.” Your lips curls so far down that it’s almost comical but alas, it is not because you feel your eyes sting.

“Sorry…” your sister walks to the living room, joining you. She reaches for the box in your arms and sets it down on the floor. “y/n…just message him.”

“…I can’t.” you feel your chest start to burn, “The way things got left…I don’t know how to speak to him.” you admit. “and it’s been so long. If he hasn’t already moved on then he at least hates my guts.”

“Yeah I probably would too.” Your sister nods her head and you swat her arm.

“Thanks Ellie.” You deadpan. “Anyway, I just can’t.”

“He is probably waiting for you…he loves you.”

“You don’t know him?” you laugh quietly, “So how would you know?”

“I’ve seen the pictures of you two, in the moment pictures, and dude, he looks so taken with you in every single one.”

You can’t help the way your heart drops to your stomach. You told him you thought your feeling may not be real…those are some of your last words to him and that kills you. Without a doubt he has had to have moved on from you…why would he torture himself?

~

Later that night you are snuggled up in your bed with your sister snoozing beside you. You have your phone (Damn you missed this device) and are scrolling through Taehyung’s Instagram. You notice he posted a new group photo just 4 hours ago. You look at all the tags and see all his friends…Namjoon, Jin, Yoongi, Hobi, Jimin and Jungkook. But there are also a few girls in the photo. You notice the tag for Hana. You hate that your heart completely stops beating in your chest then suddenly starts racing. Hana. He’s hanging out with Hana? Wait, why are you surprised? You take a deep breath and click her name to view her page and then that’s when your heart really stops. Her most recent photo is of her and Taehyung, their faces smooshed together with wide smiles on their faces with the caption “Missed you.” With pink hearts.

She’s pretty. Really fucking pretty. No wonder Taehyung liked her. Liked? Or likes? Are they together now? They look awfully close. You feel your eyes sting for the millionth time this day and they begin to bubble with tears. This is your fault. You pushed him away, so far away, into another woman’s arms. You start to feel lost and hopeless again…you decide stalking Taehyung through social media probably isn’t the healthiest thing for you or your heart. You continue scrolling on Hana’s page…she has lots of photos with friends, pretty Korean scenery, selfies and more. She looks lively and beautiful, oh so fucking beautiful.

You exit the app and click your phone off. You squeeze your eyes shut and a few pathetic tears that you do not deserve slide out and down your face. You really need to move on, you really need to focus on you. But how can you when a huge part of you feels like it’s been ripped from you? Taehyung was a part of you and you think he still is. You feel crushed, fucking crushed. He is probably with Hana now and you absolutely cannot blame him.

Taehyung is doing fine. Just fine. With or without you. And that reality is setting in and it hurts. It fucking hurts. But you have no one to blame but yourself.

“Why are you doing this, huh? Things were so perfect.” He stops in front of you and pulls you up by the arms. Your chests almost touch from how close you are. “Unless…” he looks down at his feet, “You’re saying all of this because that’s how you feel. You’re the one unsure of your feelings. You’re the one who only likes me—loves me—because there’s no one else.” He looks into your eyes, searching for an answer.

“Maybe.” You finally say. And you wish you didn’t because Taehyung releases a shaky breath and his brows crease together as he forms the saddest smile you have ever seen. The canvas of his life is full of beautiful bright colors but you continue to splatter blue and grey paint all over it. The paint mixes together and drips down, a gloomy mess.

“Oh.” He steps back. “I see.” He takes another step back, carding his fingers through his hair. He looks into your eyes as his gloss over, “I’ll leave you alone then.” And he turns around and walks out of the room, leaving you behind.

Why does this scene replay in your mind every single day. Every single night. His sad, sad expression leaving an ever lasting imprint in your mind. You feel broken, but you also feel angry. How dare the company send you back when you and Taehyung have so much to resolve? What is the purpose? What are their intentions? You ball the sheets in your hands as you release breath after frustrated breath. What was the point of all this? Somewhere deep in your gut you feel like this isn’t over. You feel like the company still has some ties to you…you can’t explain it…just a gut feeling.

To say you hate yourself is an understatement. You truly can’t stand to even look yourself in the mirror. You ruined the best thing that has ever happened to you—Taehyung. But you should be happy, right? He’s doing well. He has his friends, his family, Hana. He is absolutely 100% doing just fine and you have to accept that.

~~~~~

“You can’t live like this dude.” Namjoon throws a trash bag on to Taehyung’s bed, signaling him to use it.

“Yeah…Joon is right.” Jimin starts picking up some trash off the floor…mostly empty food containers. “This is getting out of hand. I know things haven’t been easy—”

Jimin is cut off with Taehyung groaning loudly and dramatically. He lifts his head off his pillow, his face evident with sleep as he eyes his two friends in his apartment.

“Get up.” Namjoon lightly kicks the bed with his foot, “And open a damn window or something.”

“And maybe take a shower. You reek of this hangover I am sure you have…” Jimin sits down on the edge of the bed, his hand going to Taehyung’s back, rubbing it soothingly. “She isn’t coming around Tae.” Jimin says as softly as possible, “She isn’t—”

“We don’t know that.” Taehyung cuts him off, grumbling. “She could.”

“You said it yourself, she isn’t sure of her feelings…why aren’t you letting it go?” Namjoon sits down on the bed as well.

“I know her.” Taehyung begins to sit up from his place in bed, his hand flying up to his pounding head. “Fuck. I’m hungover.” He complains.

“You went too hard last night.” Jimin frowns, “Again.”

“So what? You think she lied to you? That she does love you?”

“She was just scared.” Taehyung whispers. “Trust me, I know her.” He repeats again.

Jimin and Namjoon share a look of pity mixed with concern. Jimin stands from the bed, taking the trash bag with him, he opens it up and starts filling it with the garbage around the apartment. Taehyung just watches Jimin clean up and he starts to feel a sense of guilt. Maybe he has been a handful the last few months.

Taehyung is trying his best though.

The unfamiliar bed along with the unfamiliar room was indication enough that Taehyung was in a place without you. It only took him halves of seconds to realize he was in his parents’ home in their spare room. A place he didn’t frequent very often. But he understood his situation right away. The island returned him home to Korea but suddenly this place feels like the last place like home.

When he made his existence known to his mother and father they cried over and over for their son. His father going on about his regrets, how he wishes he would have supported Taehyung more in following his own dreams and so on. His mother wishing she had cooked his favorite meal more often. They basically took his disappearance on the island as his death. At least that’s how Taehyung sees it.

His parents’ received the letter as well, even the photographs. They know all about you. They know that Taehyung is in love, they know Taehyung heart aches. They know everything. They were honestly rooting for you two…they could see how much love went on between the two of you even through pictures.

But as the days went on, as the weeks went on and as the months went on, Taehyung started to feel like he is withering away with every day that passed that you did not reach out to him. Did your time on the island with him mean nothing to you? Even if you ‘maybe’ weren’t in love with him like you claimed you were still friends for god’s sake. You still without a doubt had a powerful connection.

Things have been hard. Really fucking hard. But nothing is harder than the day when the Korean intel agency notified him that you were good, that you were okay. That you were home. But they could not release any personal information. You were home…you were okay…but you still have not reached out? He’s relieved you’re well but that also comes with the disappointment that you are choosing to stay to yourself.

“Yoongi wants to work on that new song tonight, what do you say?” Namjoon stands from the bed as well and makes his way into the small kitchen for a glass of water.

“Not in the mood.” Taehyung mumbles underneath his breath.

“Listen Taehyung…” Namjoon walks back into the room, his hands crossed over his chest as he looks at Taehyung with narrowed eyes.

“If you’re serious about this, being with her, that is. Then fucking do something about it.” Namjoon continues to stare down at him while Jimin keeps cleaning.

“I don’t have her number, I can’t find her anywhere on the internet and I barely know where she lives. What the fuck can I do?” Taehyung grits out, raising his voice just the slightest as he talks.

“….There has to be something.” Jimin speaks up. “A clue.”

“A fucking clue? What are we? Fucking detectives?” Taehyung throws his hands up, frustrated.

“Jimin’s right.” Namjoon uncrosses his arms and runs a hand through his hair, “She must have mentioned something, anything. You have to think.”

“You think I have the mental capability to think right now?” Taehyung questions with a bitter chuckle. “She doesn’t do much. She never mentioned some grand event she goes to every year, she didn’t mention what school she went to, she didn’t mention what company she worked for, she didn’t fucking mention anything. She stays to herself.” Then Taehyung’s eyes go wide.

“You know I use to go to this coffee place almost every single day. I miss it. That routine. It’s called ------------…a small, family owned shop. Only one of its kind. I would read, write, journal. Just relax. Every day.” You breathe out, missing your comfort spot.

Taehyung rushes to stand from the bed, he is quick to scoop Jimin up in his arms and place a dramatic kiss to his cheek.

“Jimin you fucking genius!” Taehyung suddenly remembered the night you had a panic attack. When you calmed down enough to speak you told him all the things you missed about your real life. Including some coffee place you would frequent on the regular. But he cannot remember the name of it for the life of him.

“What? What?” Jimin starts giggling, “Why?”

“A coffee shop! She used to go to a coffee shop!” Taehyung basically yells in excitement.

“Okay, what’s it called?” Namjoon smiles and immediately Taehyung expression turns sour.

“I…I don’t remember. But it was family owned, only one of its kind.”

Namjoon can’t help the frown that decorates his face but then he tries to smile.

“Better start doing your research lover boy.”

~

“Cozy Coffee. It’s in (Your city).” Taehyung slams a sheet of paper onto the bar top in front of Namjoon. “I found it.”

“What’d you find?” Jin asks from besides him, “Wait that place y/n goes to?”

Taehyung nods his head quickly with a wide ass smile adoring his face.

“Yup.”

“Now what, kid?” Yoongi brings his beer to his lips as he takes a generous sip. “You going to call that place and ask for her?” he laughs a little.

“No.” Taehyung straightens his back as he speaks. “I’m going there.”

“You’re…” Hobi begins but stops when he sees how serious Taehyung is.

“Wait, wait, wait.” Jungkook starts shaking his head. “This girl—”

“y/n.” Taehyung snaps.

“Right…” Jungkook gulps. “y/n…she ignores you these last 6 months and you are still trying to be with her?”

All of the boys share looks with one another, frowns on everyone’s faces.

“Jungkook is right—”

“Tae told her he would do whatever it takes…he also believes in her feelings. So let’s believe in him.” Jimin cuts in, his hand going to Taehyung’s shoulder and giving him a smile.

“Jimin is right…” Namjoon breathes out, “Let’s trust in our Taehyungie.”

“But don’t forget what she did to you Taehyung.” Jungkook whispers seriously. “You weren’t okay…”

Another day passes and still, nothing from you. Taehyung brings yet another bottle of soju to his mouth as he starts downing it. He feels his world collapsing around him. He feels how everything around him is cracking and breaking apart. But the most cracked, broken thing is him. He looks at himself in the mirror and stares into his empty eyes, these same eyes that used to gaze at you. These same eyes that saw your smile, laugh, cry. These same eyes that undressed you. These same eyes that saw you coming undone over and over. These same eyes.

Taehyung chugs back his drink, his eyes never leaving his reflection as he finishes the bottle. He made a mistake tonight, a drunken mistake but a mistake nonetheless. He slept with Hana. Taehyung, the boys and Hana and her girlfriends were all at the bar tonight and he just doesn’t see her that way. Yet, he was inside her just an hour ago. He slowly closes his eyes, regret and guilt filling his entire being. What the fuck did he do?

His life is all over the place, a mess, if you will. A big, fat messy mess. He got a new apartment, leaving his parents’ house and he doesn’t think he has cleaned it even once since moving in. He drowns in alcohol, he drowns in unfinished songs, he drowns in his friends concerns and mostly? He drowns in you.

He stares at your photographs an unhealthy amount. He has cried over your photos countless times, he has touched himself to them too. Somehow that is more satisfying than the sex he just shared with Hana. The empty fuck he just gave her haunts him in this very mirror. Did he betray you? Have you also fucked someone new? Have you moved on?

Taehyung stares at himself, hating what he sees. You’re doing this to him. He went from being miserably depressed to angry. He’s beginning to blame you for everything with rage. But as much as he wants to hate you—he does want to—he just can’t. He can’t gather that type of energy in your direction. He just can’t.

Hana looks very pretty tonight…she’s been trying extra hard lately, Taehyung thinks. She is always casually got a hand on his arm, she always finds a way to be standing next to him, talking to him, leaning into him. Taehyung isn’t stupid. She wants him still. She apparently dated during the 8 months he was gone but nothing serious came from it. And now here she is, sleeping on his bed as he drinks by himself in his bathroom mirror.

So many different thoughts have gone through Taehyung’s head. Is he hard to love? That’s the main question that came out of all of this. You spent every day with him for 8 months and you weren’t even sure of your feelings. Shouldn’t a person know by then? He’s trying to be understanding…he is trying so fucking hard to understand but how can he? When he is balls deep in love with you and he doesn’t have to question it at all.

He is spiraling, he is being sucked into a darkness that he can’t crawl out of. He looks at himself in the mirror again, his eyes narrowing at his own reflection—disgusted with what he sees. He grips the empty bottle of soju as he feels his eyes wet with tears. He grips on to the bottle harder and harder, tears now leaving his big brown eyes. He growls out, groaning in frustration as he lifts the bottle up and throws it at his mirror. Glass shattering everywhere.

Startled, Hana jumps from the bed and rushes to the loud sound, finding Taehyung just standing lifeless, continuing to eye himself in the broken mirror. He likes what he sees much better. The cracked glass making for a better reflection, a more accurate representation of what he truly sees when he views himself.

“What the fuck?!” Hana yells out, rushing to Taehyungs side. “Are you okay???”

Taehyung walks closer to the mirror and lightly slides his hand down the cracked mirror, his fingers careful not to get cut.

“No.” he answers honestly and quietly. “I’m not.”

“I’m fine, Jungkook.” Taehyung assures him, “At least I will be…when I see her.”

“What if she doesn’t want to see you?” Yoongi says quietly, worried for his friend. He brings his beer to the bar top and stares at the liquid.

“I’ll get to that when I get to that.” Taehyung sighs out…”I can’t let go of this until I know for sure.”

~~~~~~

Settling into your new job has been smooth, thankfully. It’s only been a few weeks but you can say you really like it. Your boss is an older woman, your coworkers seem nice and the work isn’t too taxing. Your apartment is starting to come together as well, only a few more boxes left to unpack. On the outside things are honestly going well…your life looks normal and put together. But on the inside you continue to fall apart.

“Come on!” Ellie whines, “Just give me one little, tiny, juicy detail.”

“Ew, no!” you laugh, “I have nothing to share!”

“Oh, bullshit.” Ellie takes a drag of her cigarette, blowing the smoke the other direction.

You two are sitting on your balcony, watching the evening sun set.

“You are trying to tell me you two didn’t fuck? Not even once?” Ellie gives you a knowing smile and you can’t help but laugh.

“Okay maybe once.”

“I call bullshit again.” Ellie starts to laugh, thrusting her hips forward theatrically, “I bet you two couldn’t keep your hands off each other.”

“Something like that.” You admit shyly.

“I don’t blame you. He looks so hot.” Ellie takes another puff of her cigarette. “What was he like in bed?”

“Ugh, Ellie.” You groan, “I don’t want to talk about this.”

“Afraid of getting horny thinking about it?” She chuckles and you roll your eyes.

“Fine, I’ll tell you one thing.” You hold one finger up, giving her a look that says you are serious. Ellie giggles, nodding her head in agreement.

“He’s…big.” You basically whisper.

“He’s what?”

“Shut up, you heard me.” You laugh, “First time I saw it he wasn’t even fully hard and I was impressed.” You smirk, feeling proud of Taehyung’s gorgeous dick.

“Damn girl. Nice.” Ellie nods in approval, “Did he know how to use it?”

“Ugh….yes.” you roll your eyes back, remembering the feel of his cock. “He did. Aaaannnd he is probably using it on his new girlfriend.” You sigh, feeling your heart break piece by piece in your chest.

“What? What do you mean???” Ellie puts her cigarette out in the ash tray, “New girlfriend?”

“Yeah.” You keep it short and simple. “Anyway, I really do not want to talk about him anymore.”

“…Yeah, okay. Sorry.”

You give your sister a sad, small smile and she returns it. You feel your phone buzz in your lap and you go to pick it up, you quite literally feel all the color drain from your face. Your heart stops completely. What the actual fuck? Why is he texting you? Him of all people?

~

Finally gathering the courage to buy his plane ticket, Taehyung begins packing for his trip. He got a roundtrip flight for one week. He has one week to find you. He’s starting to get nervous, really fucking nervous. He had all this confidence to do this but honestly? Over the last 6-7 months he has become quite insecure. You left him in shambles. He grew weak without you, he grew pathetic in his eyes.

“Make sure you bring plenty of underwear.” Jimin teases, helping Taehyung pack. “You never pack enough and somehow end up going commando.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Taehyung is too nervous to even joke around, he is too nervous to even look at Jimin—his best friend—for more than a second because he is afraid he is going to see right through him.

“You’re nervous.” Jimin blurts out and Taehyung opens his mouth in shock. But should he be? Jimin is his best friend, he can read him like a book.

“Yeah…”

“I think you have every right to be.” Jimin pats him on the shoulder, “You have been through a lot…and so much is unknown.”

“Yeah….” Taehyung agrees, “I feel like I’m walking into this blind.”

“You kind of are.” Jimin admits quietly. “You kind of are.”

“Do you think…I’m making a mistake?” Taehyung sits down on his bed, messing with the blanket between his fingers.

“No.” Jimin answers honestly. “I am probably the one who has heard about y/n the most. I almost feel like I know her.” Jimin laughs, “And I think you’re right. She was scared. This company…fuck that company by the way, this company set you two up and tried to force love on you. Of course that’s going to fuck her up. Of course she is going to have her doubts…you can’t blame her Tae. Yeah, it’s fucked up she hasn’t reached out at all but dude…it’s a tricky situation.”

“I know…” Taehyung’s head falls into his hands, “Fuck…I know.”

“And…” Jimin sits down next to him, “I don’t want you to regret not looking for her, it sucks that it’s you doing everything, I can admit that. I wish she would grow some fucking balls and talk to you but looks like you got to do all the work buddy.”

“Yeah.”

~

Taehyung checks into some dingy hotel downtown in the city you live, the place is dark, gritty even. But it’s just one of the first places that was affordable that popped up when he was googling places to stay. He doesn’t totally mind, he doubts he will be spending much time in here. He receives his key from the girl at the front desk, she eyes him up and down, obviously liking what she sees.

Taehyung walks down a dark hallway to reach his room—he’s starting to feel like the main character in a horror movie. He reaches his door and unlocks it, opening it and shuffling inside with his luggage. The room smells dusty, the bed is small and the blanket thin. The room is loud with the AC unit blowing freezing air and the dark curtains don’t let in any light whatsoever.

He sets his luggage down on the carpet and sits on the bed…he takes his phone out and sends a text to his group chat that he made it alive.

Namjoon 4:02pm

Good luck man, we’re rooting for you.

Jungkook 4:02pm

Fingers crossed homie

Jin 4:03pm

Bring her back to Korea

Yoongi 4:03pm

He can’t just bring her back Jin

Hobi 4:03pm

I also vote he brings her back with him

Jimin 4:04pm

I agree, I want to meet the infamous y/n

Taehyung 4:04pm

Am I also allowed to vote that I want to bring her back with me?

Taehyung quietly laughs to himself as he clicks his phone off. He lays back on the bed and groans when he feels how hard the mattress is. But it doesn’t matter because he is here on a mission, a mission to find you and he wants to waste no time.

~

Day 1:

Taehyung wakes up early to grab a bite to eat at the diner next to the hotel, this place doesn’t even offer complimentary breakfast! The audacity. He orders pancakes but they definitely aren’t as good as yours.

Waking up and breathing the same city air you’re breathing makes Taehyung for the first time in 6 months—feel alive. Like being in the same place as you is slowly helping him regain some of his self back. He knows you are here. You live here. You walk these streets, you eat these foods, you breathe this air. The same fucking air he is breathing.

Nothing excites him and makes him more nauseas. He misses you. He wants to see you. But he is afraid at the same time. He’s so fucking terrified. How will you react? Are you okay? Do you really not love him? Have you moved on? Seeing someone new? His mind races as he cuts into these pancakes.

Taehyung pulls out his phone and checks the time…almost 7 am. He needs to hurry to the coffee place…because what if you stop by there on your way to work? Or maybe you don’t work right now and you go there just to chill? He doesn’t know but he knows he won’t miss a chance to see you.

Taehyung finishes up his plate of food and pays. He leaves the diner and starts walking towards Cozy Coffee, only a 15 minute walk. He inhales deeply, hoping to somehow get a whiff of you, he looks at all the flowers on the side of the sidewalks and thinks of you. Would you be interested in a bouquet of flowers? He recalls on your first unofficial first date he gave you a handful of flowers from the island and you liked it. Ugh, what is he thinking? All he needs to be worried about right now is fucking finding you.

Finally, Taehyung makes his way inside Cozy Coffee. It’s a pretty small place but big enough for a handful of people to be occupying the many tables. His eyes scan the area but they don’t come across you. He sighs and heads towards the counter to order a tea and take a seat at a table in the back near the restrooms.

He spends hours here in this spot. The entire day actually. No sign of you. And the owner has to literally escort him out when it is closing time. He walks back to the hotel with his head hanging low, he guesses today wasn’t a day for reading or writing.

Day 2:

These pancakes aren’t bad actually, not the second time around. Yours are still better, of course but he’s getting use to them. Maybe tomorrow he should try something different.

Taehyung walks leisurely towards the coffee shop, he somehow has this idea he might run into you on the street or something. But he doesn’t.

The coffee shop is a little less busy today, Taehyung goes inside, orders his tea and occupies the same table as yesterday. He pulls his backpack to his lap and brings out a notebook and pen, he decides he will work on song lyrics today.

Hours and hours pass, tea after tea is drank and still, no sign of you. Closing time approaches and he is once again, asked to leave. Taehyung nods in understanding, gathers his belongings and walks back to the hotel. Slowly of course, because deep down he thinks he just might run into you.

Day 3:

French toast today…not as good as the pancakes but still, pretty good. He wonders if you can make French toast? You never mentioned it. Taehyung realizes there is still so much he does not know about you. The thought kind of drives him crazy. He wants to know you. Know all of you. Know you better than anyone else.

The walk to the coffee shop is slow and enjoyable. The scenery is pretty as he strolls on the sidewalk, the flowers poking through the cement bring him a small level of joy for the day. Once he enters the shop, the owner gives him a smile. He orders his tea and makes his way to the back table, pulls out his notebook and starts writing his song lyrics.

On my pillow. Can’t get me tired. Sharing my fragile truth. That I hope the door is still open. Cause the window. Opened one time with you and me. Now my forever is falling down. Wondering if you’d want me now.

Taehyung sets his pen down taking a break from writing, he reaches for his tea and takes a few sips. The liquid has gone cold. He sighs out and lets the hours pass him by. Closing time approaches like it does every night and he is asked to leave.

Day 4:

He’s back to getting pancakes. He likes to pretend they are yours, that you made them for him. He likes to imagine a life where you make breakfast for him again. He likes to imagine a life where you’re just here again. It’s almost 7 am, he needs to head to the coffee shop. He strolls casually, wondering what you are up to on this Thursday morning. Are you finally going to make an appearance at Cozy Coffee? Are you running late for work? Are you in early today?

Taehyung enters the shop and the owner gives him a sweet smile and begins working on his tea. Taehyung feels grateful that it’s being made without him even ordering it yet, a smile adorning his face. He pays for the tea and makes his way to the his table, pulls out his notebook and continues working on his song.

I’m wondering are you my best friend? Feels like a river’s rushing through my mind. I wanna ask you if this is all just in my head. My heart is pounding tonight, I wonder if you are too good to be true. And would it be alright if I pulled you closer.

Taehyung lets hours and hours pass, his pen busy on his notebook paper. The lyrics coming to him so easily for the first time in months. He can’t help the sad smile that grows on his face as he reads and rereads his song lyrics.

Just like every day when the bell of the front door jingles his head shoots up to see who it is. Now is no different. A woman comes in and his heart almost stops because she looks like you at first glance. Taehyung groans at the disappointment. Because it’s not you.

Day 5:

Okay, he is back to French toast. It’s starting to grow on him, he definitely wants to ask you to make this for him. His imagination begins to run wild with dreams of making food with you again, kissing the side of your neck as he wraps his arms around your waist from behind you. Like the many times he has done it.

“Taehyung…” you whine as he nips your neck with his teeth. “I’m trying to concentrate on this recipe.”

“I’m trying to concentrate too.” Taehyung smirks against your soft skin, “On you.”

You can’t help the blush that begins spreading across your cheeks, his fingers dig into your hips and you moan out.

“Taehyung…”

“What is it baby?” he starts kissing your neck. “Want me to fuck you? Right here?” he digs his fingers deeper into your hips and you start grinding against him.

“Couch.” You breathe out. “I want to ride you.”

“Oh? You want to be in control? Maybe I will allow it this once.” He teases, his tongue licking a strip up to your ear, then he nibbles on the lobe.

Taehyung finds his pants getting tight as he recalls his memories with you. He misses kissing you, he misses touching you, he misses your scent, he misses your skin, your eyes, your lips.

Shit, it’s past 7. He needs to hurry to Cozy’s.

He’s seated in his spot with his tea and notebook out, he swears he is almost finished with this song…the chorus needs some work but he thinks he’s got it. Something about being ships in the night, but somehow he doesn’t have the courage to finish he song, he doesn’t want that to be his relationship with you.

Night time comes and still no sign of you. Tomorrow is his last day and he is starting to freak out. Where are you? He thought you came here all the time? Why aren’t you coming? Are you okay? He is asked to leave once again and he does.

Day 6:

Back to pancakes. Back to strolling on the side walk. Back to Cozy’s. Back to his tea. Back to his spot.

Taehyung feels the nerves in his body multiplying with every shaky breath he takes. Today is the last night, his flight is in the morning and he has made no progress on finding you. This place being his only hint.

“Excuse me…” Taehyung walks up to the counter and greets the owner.

“What can I do for you young man? Another tea?” he softly smiles at Taehyung but Taehyung shakes his head.

“I have a question…” he begins. “Do you know y/n y/l/n?”

“y/n???” the old man begins to smile after expressing his confusion, “Of course I do, that girl has been coming here for years.” He starts wiping down the counter with a rag. “Why? You looking for her? You aren’t some creepy ex-boyfriend are you?”

“No, no.” Taehyung laughs. “But I am looking for her…she usually comes here right?” he nervously chuckles.

“Usually. But she started a new job recently that has kept her a little busy…” the old man continues to wipe down the counter. “But she was in just last week! And It’s Saturday!” he cheers, “She always comes to write on weekends.”

Taehyung lights up at that. “Really??” he shows the old man a wide, boxy grin. He feels like he hasn’t smiled like that in what seems like forever. All because there is finally a chance he might see you.

“Oh…” The old man stops wiping to get a good look at Taehyung. “You look like a man in love.”

Taehyung’s eyes widen just a bit before he smiles, “Do I?”

The shop is busy today. Taehyung sits in his usual spot, writing and doodling in his notebook, his head lifting up quickly every time the door jingles. It’s never you though. It is already 6pm and there is still no sign on you and Taehyung hates that he is starting to lose hope. Are you not coming? He doesn’t have much time left.

Taehyung sits here, his pen between his lips as he thinks about you. He thinks about the first time he saw you…he really thought you were some girl he might have drunkenly hooked up with…he remembers your expression, how shocked, how scared, how overwhelmed you were. He wishes now he could go back in time and hug you. Tell you he’s with you, together. That you aren’t alone. Taehyung wishes he could kiss your temple, bring you in close and make you feel okay. He recalls the first time you two really interacted.

“We need to find out what’s going on.” Taehyung takes a deep breath, lifting his head up. He locks his eyes with yours again but you break contact to look at your feet.

“We don’t know anything…would if it’s not safe?” you quietly try to reason.

“Exactly, we don’t know anything and that’s a problem. You don’t expect us to stay in this room forever, do you?”

He has a point and you know it. You want to follow him out of this room but your feet seem to be glued to the floor.

“Well, no. But—”

“Didn’t think so.” He turns away from you, his body shuffling towards the bedrooms door but before he can become out of reach your hand flies to his shirt sleeve, tugging it softly.

“Wait! Just hold on—” Your voice wavers and Taehyung rolls his eyes. Rolls his fucking eyes at you!

“Listen, come. Or don’t. I don’t really care.” Taehyung releases your hold on his shirt, unsticking your fingers and throwing your hand towards your body. “Decide.” He states before swiftly turning around to head towards the door.

Oh. So this guy is a fucking asshole. Noted.

You end up following him because although he was rude about it, feeling someone’s touch when you feel so scared was slightly comforting and yes, you are aware of how fucking pathetic that is.

Taehyung stands in front of the door, his hand reaching for the knob when he turns his head to say, “Just trust me.”

And now you are the one rolling your eyes. Trust him? You just met the dude! 10 minutes ago his name was Future Murderer. How could you possibly trust this asshole?

“How can I trust you? I literally just met you.” The scowl on your face deepens when he smirks.

“Are you always such a fucking baby?”

“Are you always such a fucking baby?” you mock, eyes rolling so far into the back of your head.

Taehyung can’t help but chuckle. God, you were such a brat. It’s almost 7 now…still no sign of you.

“Maybe if you weren’t always following me, they would have sent us home by now.” Taehyung states bitterly as he puts his slice of bread on top of his now made sandwich.

“I’m not following you.” You roll your eyes, “I have to eat too.”

“You can’t wait until I’m done?”

“You look pretty done to me…” You point at his sandwich and he scoffs.

“I still have to eat it.”

“Eat in your room for all I care.”

You and Taehyung are getting along just fine…maybe not swimmingly but like, fine. It’s been a couple weeks and you have mostly stayed out of one another’s way but it’s moments like this that you end up interacting.

“I think I’ll eat at the table, thanks.” He grabs his sandwich and makes his way to the dining room table, sitting down with a thump. He aggressively picks up his sandwich and takes a bite while showing you a smart ass smile.

“Fantastic,” you state, “Me too.” You finish pouring milk into your cereal bowl and set it back inside the fridge. You dramatically make your way over to the table as well, giving him a wide grin as you sit down in front of him. You slightly slam your bowl down on the table, some milk dribbling over the edge of the bowl and Taehyung snarls.

“Great, you’re making a fucking mess.”

“If you went up and ate in you room you would have no idea about this mess.”

“But you still would have made this mess?”

“Ignorance is bliss, Taehyung.”

“You’re such a…” he stops, setting his lips into a firm line and you lean your head forward, clearly curious about what you are.

“Such a…?” you blink at him repeatedly and his lips curve upward into a charming smile.

“A fucking brat.” Taehyung grabs his sandwich again and takes an obnoxious bite while grinning and you give him your best annoyed eye roll.

Taehyung continues to chuckles as he goes down memory lane…he does regret being mean to you at first but god, you truly were a fucking brat. But he laughs about it now, loving every single memory he shares with you.

The door jingles and he shoots his head up, hoping it is you. But still, just like every other fucking time—it’s not.

Taehyung groans into his notebook, feeling lost and frustrated. What’s he going to do if you don’t show? He’s trying here. Is the universe really that cruel? And suddenly the door jingles again, but he doesn’t look up, he knows it isn’t you.

“Hi Mister Jones!”

Oh. Oh. That voice. That voice belongs to you. Taehyung whips his head up and there you are. You are standing at the doors entrance with a nervous smile on your face, why are you nervous? You are wearing jeans and a oversized t shirt, a casual but cute look. And Taehyung is falling in love with you. Seeing you in the real world for the first time has him frozen in place.

“The usual?”

“Yeah.” You reply calmly, glancing at the empty table at the front of the shop. You pull a chair out and take a seat, your back to Taehyung. He is still frozen. He all of the sudden feels unprepared for this. He all of the sudden feels sick. He clenches his jaw as he watches your back. You are here, living your life without even think of him aren’t you? Taehyung swallows down his anger now. He has to. Anger won’t do him any good.

He takes long breath after long breath trying to compose himself and find his confidence to go up to you and confront you. He blinks back his growing tears of frustration and stands from his table, the chair screeching against the wooden floors.

He stands here, frozen again. What if you really do not want to see him? That this was all intentional? He starts to feel sick again. He squeezes his eyes shut as he tries to get rid of the feeling of nausea.

“Taehyung…” you whisper his name, “I don’t want to lose you.”

“You think having feelings for me means that’s it? That it’s the end? Baby, it would only be the beginning.” Taehyung leans down again as he caresses your face. “I know you’re scared. I know you have trauma that you’re still getting through. I know your ex fucked you up. But I’m not him. I’m Taehyung. I’m…fuck, I don’t know. y/n, please just open your heart to me.” Taehyung looks at you with so much compassion that it physically hurts.

“I know,” your voice shakes, “I know you aren’t him, Tae.” You take his hand in yours, “I do like you.” You finally admit, shutting your eyes.

“Look at me.” Taehyung commands, “Look at me babe.”

You slowly open your eyes again, gazing into his dark ones and you feel yourself grow warmer and warmer.

“I’m only looking at you.”

Taehyung quickly opens his eyes as he finds his resolve. You love him. He knows it. He feels it. You wanted him, just like how he wanted you—wants you.

He nods his head, trying to pump himself up, about to gain the courage to walk to you when the door jingles again and a man walks in. A man that immediately looks at you and smiles.

This man takes a seat across from you at the small table and Taehyung feels his heart halting in his chest. He feels himself grow warm, he feels himself grow the company of something evil, something green. He feels himself grow incredibly fucking jealous. So you do have someone. You moved on. You have someone, someone that is not him. Taehyung slowly plops back down in his chair, his mouth slightly open as he watches this man talk and smile at you.

But suddenly, Taehyung notices how tense you become. How you grip on to your purse harder and harder with every word this man speaks. He can sense you from here…something is wrong. Who is this man? Why is he making you so uncomfortable? Is this not a date? Taehyung isn’t sure what to do. He could be reading this all wrong, he could be imagining this for his own sake. He could be creating this world where you don’t love anyone but him.

But then you stand from your chair abruptly and storm out of the shop, this man desperately tries to grab for you and quickly follows after you. Taehyung stands from his chair as well, already racing towards the shops door, in search of you. He didn’t even think about it, he just acted on instinct.

“y/n!” the man calls out after you but you continue to speed walk away until you feel a hand grab at your arm. You are quick to turn around, ready to give him an earful when your face goes completely pale.

“T-Taehyung…?” you stutter out, the shock riding in waves throughout your entire body.

“I said wait baby!” The man jogs up to you and Taehyung, Taehyung releases his hold on your arm and looks between you and this man.

“Baby?” Taehyung whispers out, already feeling his heart crack inside his chest. Maybe this is just a lovers quarrel. He continues looking between you and this man and you can see the hurt plastered all over Taehyung’s face.

“No—”

“Who is this?” The man stands between you and Taehyung. “Who are you?”

“Ben, you can leave. I think I have heard enough.” You spit out and Taehyung’s eyes widen before they are narrowing at you.

“Ben…?” he asks, not even sparing Ben a glance, only focusing on you. “Why are you with him y/n?” Taehyung’s voice goes dangerously low. “I asked, why are you with him?”

“He was just—”

“I was just talking with my girl. Is that a problem?”

“Your girl?” You and Taehyung ask in unison.

“You’re fucking kidding, right y/n?” Taehyung’s face is taken over with a scowl. “There’s no fucking way you are seeing this asshole again.”

“It’s not—”

“Asshole?” Ben scoffs, “Who the fuck are you?”

Taehyung doesn’t even look Bens way as he eyes you, he stuffs his hands into his front pockets and stares at you with his hard expression.

“Answer me.” He commands. “Now.”

“Listen buddy—” Ben begins but Taehyung just a holds a hand up in front of Bens face and tilts his head at you.

“I said, now.” Taehyung finally lowers his hand, then he is feeling his body being shove backward.

“I said who the fuck are you?” Ben pushes Taehyung, his hands still on his chest at the collar of his shirt. “How do you know my girl? y/n…you been fucking other men?”

“I’m not your fucking girl Ben.” You finally snap out of your daze, “I said leave.”

Ben lets go of Taehyung shirt to face you, he walks closer and closer until his feet are practically touching your own.

“Sweetheart I said I was sorry…” Ben tries to caress your face but you smack his hand away.

“Don’t fucking touch me.” You spit out, “Ever.”

Taehyung eyes the both of you with curiosity. What’s going on here? Are you with him or aren’t you? You notice Taehyung’s confused expression and move towards him to begin explaining.

“Ben is just here to explain why he did what he did…I don’t know why I agreed…but—”

“I’ve heard enough.” Taehyung stops you, he walks closer to you. “He’s bothering you?”

“I ain’t bothering anyone you fucking dick. And you never answered my question—who the fuck are—”

Your eyes are as wide as saucers and you watch the collision of Taehyung’s fist to Ben’s face. You swear you are witnessing it in slow motion, the way his fist crashes into the side of Bens jaw. The way Ben stumbles back and falls to the pavement. The way Taehyung grits his teeth as he brings his fist back to his own body. Did Taehyung just fucking punch your ex-boyfriend in the fucking face?

“She said to fucking leave.” Taehyung growls, “Now.”

“Taehyung!” you rush to his side, immediately reaching for his fist and inspecting it for any damage. You are hit with something massive…like the grandest bolt of electricity the moment your hand touches his. You try your hardest to ignore it, to ignore the fire that caught light, the raging fire that burns so wildly in your chest.

“Come. Come with me.” You say in panic, ignoring the fact that Ben lays on the concrete, probably knocked the fuck out. You hold on to Taehyung’s hand tightly as you lead him to the parking lot until you’re at your car. You hurry to let go of his hand, feeling so fucking nervous. What the hell is happening? Everything with Ben happened so fast that you haven’t even processed the fact that Taehyung is here. Here with you. In your city. In this parking lot. At your car.

“Tae—”

You stop before you can even finish his name. He looks at you with something you have never seen before. He goes to open his mouth but he stops himself, not knowing what the right thing to say is.

“I don’t know what to say anymore now that I am with you.” Taehyung finally says after a long while, his eyes are wet and his expression is troubled.

“I thought I would get here and I would tell you I am ready to make this work, that I missed you, that I love you. But now…seeing you. Really seeing you, I don’t know anymore.” He admits. “I think I am angry with you.” He says softly. “Really fucking angry.”

“Tae—”

“No.” he moves his head to the side, his eyes down at his shoes. “Let me speak. I have prepared a whole speech for you…but now, I don’t think I would mean any of the words.” He shuts his eyes, a tear escaping. “Did you go too far? Too far in hurting me?” he whispers. “Did you ruin me?”

You start breathing heavily, not knowing how to take his words. Why is he here?

“I had to fucking search for you. But did you even want to be found?” he questions you softly.

“Taehyung.” You say firmly. “I—”

“Am I a fool?” He chokes out, “A fool for doing this? Coming all the way here…sitting at this coffee place every single day waiting for you like the pathetic man that I am.” Another tear slips.

“Can I talk now?” you whisper. “Please?”

Taehyung gulps down his spit, anticipating what you might say. He gestures for you to speak and you take a deep breath.

“I’m sorry I didn’t reach out…” you begin, your chest getting tighter and tighter. “Every day that passed it got harder and harder to do it. If I’m being honest I stalked your account…” you admit with a bitter laugh, “You seemed happy. I wasn’t even sure you wanted me to reach out. Then Hana…”

“Hana?” Taehyung scrunches his brows together, “What’s Hana got to do with this?”

“You two are together aren’t you? I know, Taehyung.” You swallow hard.

Taehyung shakes his head in confusion, how do you know about Hana? You know he slept with her or?

“It was only one time.” Taehyung admits quietly…”but how do you know about that?”

“She posted you on her Instagram. I just assumed.” You say dryly, feeling a pang in your chest as you look at him. So he did get with her. You fucking knew it.

“Why are you here Taehyung?”

“I was here to tell you I love you. I want to make this work.” He says bluntly.

“Was?” you whisper and he nods.

“Now that I am here and I see you, I know I fucking love you still. But I think I’m lost and confused right now.” He admits between bated breaths. “I was so nervous to see you and to be honest looking at you now…I still feel nervous. Like, I could throw up.”

“I feel that way too.” You admit.

“You hurt me, y/n.” he steps closer to you, his gaze is dark and unwavering. “Can I forgive you?” he whispers and you choke back a sob. “Do you even love me back?...That’s also a main problem here.”

“I don’t know what to say.” You breathe out roughly, “I’m sorry for our last conversation on the island.”

“Are you?” he takes another step. “Are you really?”

“Yes, Tae…I …I…”

“You? You?” Another step.

“I was so scared, I was so confused.” You take a step back, but he continues walking towards you. “ But I was wrong.”

“Wrong about what?” he steps closer. “About that ‘maybe’ hmm?” he steps even closer until he is breathing the same zone of air as you. He reaches for your jaw with his hand and tilts your head up towards him. “I could have fucking told you that.”

“Taehyung…” you don’t mean to whimper, but you do. You fucking do. “I’m sorry. It just got so hard to talk to you but I have thought about you every second of every day.”

“Every second?” he scoffs, “Even as you were having coffee with fucking Ben?”

“It seriously isn’t what it looks like…” you rush to say, “He wouldn’t stop pestering me.”

“Tell me how you feel y/n. Right fucking now.” He roughly commands, his fingers still on your jaw.

“I—”

“I want everything, every detail. I want to know exactly what’s going on in this brain of yours.” Taehyung looks at you with hard eyes. “I want the truth.”

You scrunch your face up as you try not to cry, you feel so many overwhelming feelings all at once. You don’t know what to say. You love him. But is it that simple? “I…” You gulp.

“You?” his eyes soften just the slightest, “Just talk to me babe.” His voice loses all its edge as you begin to silently cry. His thumb wipes away your falling tears. “Just talk to me.”

“I miss you so fucking much.” Is the first thing that slips out of your mouth, “You have no idea…” you sob.

“If anyone has an idea, it’s me.” He chuckles bitterly.

“I let time pass me by Tae, I regret it so much. But as the seconds ticked by I knew I was losing my window of opportunity. And before I knew it 6 months had passed.” You choke, “I am so, so sorry.” You stare into his dark eyes. “The company did me a favor.” You laugh, “They gave me you. I fell in love with you, Taehyung. I just…I’m so sorry I doubted myself, doubted you.”

Taehyung’s features soften as he listens to you, he feels himself grow weak. Especially with his fingers touching your skin. He pulls back from you and leans against your car.

“Are you still in love with me?” he asks, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Yes.” You sniffle, wiping your face of your tears. “I think I always will be, even if you decide you hate me.”

“I wish I could hate you.” Taehyung throws his head back, “It would make this easier, I wouldn’t even be here.”

“Make what easier?”

“Leaving you behind.” He says quietly, “Leaving us behind.”

Your body begins to shake as more tears escape you, you feel the heavy weight of his words fucking crush you. He wants nothing to do with you. He doesn’t want you anymore. You fucked up too badly. Taehyung watches as you sob for several minutes, his eyes never leaving your flushed face. He clicks his tongue and puts a hand on your shoulder and rubs it.

“That’s what I think I should do.” He says, “But I can’t.”

Wait, what?

“You c-can’t?”

“I love you too much. And I all my friends voted I bring you back to Korea.” He says with a small smirk.

“But you?” you cry, “You said you are leaving me?”

“I was thinking aloud. And to be honest I wanted you to suffer a bit.” He says with his dark gaze. “I wanted to punish you just a little.”

Your wide eyes narrow at him and you can’t help but cry harder. “You fucking sadist.”

“Maybe a little.” He admits with a growing sly smile. “We have a lot to talk about.” He says after a moment. “Do you want to make this work with me or not?”

“Are you serious? Even after all of this you still want to be with me?”

“We’re soulmates, baby. Or did you forget?”

“You fucking smartass.” You wipe at your face, wiping your snots on the collar of your t shirt. “But yes…I want to make this work.”

“Spend a couple weeks with me in Korea. I want to start over with you. Take things slow. I am still angry. But I fucking love you.”

“A couple weeks in Korea?” you shake your head, “I can’t take off work that long.”

“I am not going to beg you.” Taehyung warns, “But please.”

A couple weeks in Korea? With Taehyung? Meeting his family? His friends? Starting over? Going slow? Can you two really do this?

[uglypastels]

Slide In // Frat!Tom

(a/n) I’ve never written this au before, in like a full fic i think, so i have no idea if this is good, but i had this idea in the middle of the night and yeah. I hope you guys enjoy. this may or may not have been inspired by a certain post @duskholland made about Tom and his mirror selfies <3 how amazing that he literally just posted one today lol

word count: 16.7k

warning: drinking, mention of drug use (weed), school, social anxiety, some smexy innuendos. i made some big last minute changes, so i hope its all coherent. 

DEEPFAVE: Liking a photo (or any post) from over a year ago.

It was a cloudy morning, and it was early. Really really early. Not even the birds felt up to it, it felt like. The campus was slowly awakening or going to sleep (depending on if you had been to last night’s Delta Kappa party, of course). 

It was cold, and the leaves fell off the branches with each huff of the morning breeze. The grass was wet from the previous night’s rain, and it soaked your ankles as you ran through the small grass field, in hopes to cut a bit off the distance to your lecture hall. 

It had not been your fault that you overslept. You had gone to bed early; your backpack was already packed for the next morning. It was supposed to be a relaxing morning, perfect for easing back into it after a week of sleeping in and celebrating the holidays. How could you have expected that your roommate would barge into your dorm at 2 am, still whoo-ing her drunk ass in the corridor with other wasted idiots? 

And it wasn’t like you were against all that partying and drinking. You would have gone yourself to the frat party, but it just didn’t sit right with you. A giant house full of intoxicated strangers- the anxiety running through you just thinking about it was making you shake. 

So, instead of “living a little”, as your older brother called it, you preferred to stay in bed most evenings, either watching Netflix or reading a book. Yet, still, you had been kept awake for so long last night that you slept through your alarm. What was supposed to be a calm morning turned out to be ten minutes of rushed panic. Eventually, you had decided to skip most of your morning routine, including breakfast, brushing your hair or even putting on a decent outfit. You ran out of your dorm, clutching on to your bag, phone and keys.

Your hair was reasonably alright. It was still in the braid you had made before going to bed, but a lot of hair had fallen out during your slumber. When you looked in the mirror though, you saw that it looked decent so you let it be. Not so much could have been said for your outfit. You kept on the same shirt in which you slept in, which was a slightly oversized grey graphic tee from a random indie concert you had been to ages ago. Unfortunately, it was so cold that you couldn’t just go outside in your shorts, so had to spend a precious minute slipping into a pair of sweatpants that were actually not as bum-looking as you had feared.

Luckily, the walk (or in this situation, run) to the lecture hall was short. So, you survived with only a thick sweater over your arms. 

And so, just like that, you were running through campus. The cold air was piercing your lungs as you inhaled deeply. Each breath started with this whistling sound, as you tried to ignore that pain, and ended in an exhale of a cloud of condensation. Maybe you weren’t in the best shape, but even this horrible experience would not make you sign up for the campus gym. No way. 

You could see the lecture hall doors, the wide wooden panelling already towering over you, and you slowed down. You were trying to catch your breath and composure. As always, the doors were heavy and to add to it, the wood could not handle the temperature, so it was even harder to open them. 

“Oh, let me,” you suddenly heard behind you, almost making you jump. The voice sounded familiar, but it wouldn’t click to a particular face just yet. 

“Thanks,” you breathed out as an arm extended from behind you, clad in a leather jacket, and pushed the door open with ease. You followed the arm up with your eyes and saw how it connected to an actual person. Yes, you definitely recognised him. But what was his name again? 

T- something starting with a T. 

He smiled at you politely, nodding the gesture for you to go inside. 

“Thanks,” you said again, before finally moving. 

“No problem,” he was walking behind you but quickly caught up to your side. You saw in his hand a Starbucks coffee, which almost made your mouth water. 

“Professor Dowling’s lecture, right?” he asked, before taking a sip. Your eyes unconsciously followed the movement as the need for caffeine was growing. 

“Uh, yeah. Yeah,” you shook your head, focusing on anything but the delicious rich smell that you could sense coming from the cup—dark roast. 

“Well, good to know I won’t be the only one late,” he chuckled. Troy? Was that his name? No. He didn’t look like a Troy. 

“We’re not that late,” you checked your phone and cursed internally, “only… nine minutes.” 

“Dowling doesn’t care if it’s nine minutes or nine hours. Late is late.” He took another sip. You had to look away before your stomach realised how empty it really was. 

“True, I guess. Well, it was nice knowing you.” You sighed as you had reached the second door leading to the lecture room. Ty raised an eyebrow. No, his name was definitely not Ty. What was it?!

“What do you mean?” 

“Well, Dowling is gonna kill us, isn’t he?” You explained, and he nodded in agreement. 

He was again the one to slowly and quietly opened the door, giving you insight into the room. You almost yelled out in excitement when you saw that the lights had been somewhat dimmed for a slideshow that the professor was giving. You have Tim (nope, not Tim) a knowing look and smile. You had been saved. Then, the two of you slipped into the room, letting the doors close themself. You saw a few people turn their heads as you walked by together, searching for a seat, but you didn’t think much of it. You would have looked too if someone dared to be late for one of Dowling’s lectures. 

Finally, you found an empty seat. Two, actually. It was in the back of the class, so you hoped that once the lights would go back on, Dowling wouldn’t immediately notice the addition of two more faces. The mystery guy, as you were too tired to think of more names and decided to give up, sat down next to you. He pulled out his laptop and turned it on, quickly putting it on the lowest setting of brightness. Just before he had opened it up, you noticed a few stickers. Between a few references from tv shows and movies, you saw the logo of Delta Kappa. You only recognised it because you had been seeing the logo on almost every notice board the last few days together with the campus-wide invitation for last night’s party. 

So he was a frat boy. 

You looked up to the side at him as you pulled out your laptop and notebook. The notebook was more for doodling than anything. But also to write down some more of the essential or just entertaining parts of the lecture, since you had come to realise that writing things down by hand helped you remember better. 

Your heart stopped beating for a second as you opened your laptop, praying that no embarrassing tabs were open or, even worse, you still had Spotify playing on full blast. But you could let yourself relax when the laptop just showed you your desktop. 

Right then, you could hear your stomach growl of hunger. 

“Here,” suddenly T, as you decided to call him for the time being, slid over his coffee to your small desk. You looked up at him in confusion. He had a cap on, so there was not much you could see in the dark shadow, but you saw his sincere smile. 

You thanked him before grabbing the cup. Since it was Starbucks, you hoped to learn his name finally. But instead, in black marker, was written “Holland”. Last name. Well, that was something.

_________________________________

“Thank you,” y/n said before grabbing the drink, taking a look at the name written on it, and taking a big sip of it, although she quickly pulled it away from her lips, her face distorted in a sour expression. 

“Sorry,” Tom apologised, “my hand had slipped when I was pouring in the sugar.” 

“Yeah, I can tell,” she whispered, still a bit disgusted, but it didn’t stop her from taking another large sip. “How can you drink this stuff?” 

“Desperate times call for desperate measures.” Tom grinned. 

Times weren’t exactly desperate, in his case. 

The party had been a massive success. Everyone seemed to have had a great time, and this time, not even at the cost of any of the frat house furniture. Sure, some people might have thrown up in the cooking pans, but that could be easily cleaned up by one of the pledges. 

It all ended around 2 am, which was fairly early, but it was, of course, a school night. Tom remembered to drink water before going to sleep and woke up with only a mild headache. A few painkillers solved that pretty quickly. He got up, stumbled a bit over the mess around the house and was on his way to class. 

He was sure he would have made it on time if it wasn’t for his usual appetite and need for coffee. Yes, he could have made it at home, but for some reason, the coffee from that machine always tasted like piss. And Tom did not want to find out why. So, it had almost become routine for him to stop by the Starbucks that was on the way from the house to the lecture halls. 

What he had not expected was the giant line of customers inside. More people had felt the need for coffee after a wild night of partying. He recognised some girls, still wearing the same dresses they wore to the party. A few guys who looked like they were on the verge of death were sipping their drinks in the corner of the room. The two baristas were running around behind the counter, trying to make the drinks as fast as possible. As fellow students, they knew that there were a lot of people rushing to get to class, at least. 

Tom had even looked at his phone, checking the time before he decided to step into the queue. He had majorly misjudged the time it would take the baristas to make the few drinks before it was his turn to order. In the meantime, people would walk up to him, also recognising him from the party, to tell Tom what a great time they had last night. 

Finally, he got his drink and made his way over to the second station and poured in some sugar. For that extra kick of energy, but also, secretly, because he could not stand the bitterness of coffee. Then, it was really time to leave the crowd. Tom never really minded people and was definitely what you call a “social butterfly”, but there was always a limit. And the limit on a Monday morning was minimal. Even smaller, if you are still trying to get rid of a hangover. 

He had just reached the main square of campus when he saw the big clock. He was already late, so it wouldn’t do much to run. Professor Dowling did not care for excuses or how late you were, even if it was a second. So he could as well just take his time. 

Others had different ideas apparently.

Tom watched as someone ran across the grass, clutching on to their backpack. She stopped at the same door that he was heading for, so he got to have a good look first. The first thing he saw was the back of her head. Hair made up in a braid that was falling apart. A large black sweater, probably her boyfriend’s, was covering most of her frame. 

She was trying to pull open the door that had the word PUSH on them, but Tom didn’t say anything. It was early, and by the looks of her, not that he was judging, she didn’t have a great morning. 

When they had made eye contact, he recognised her from the lectures but did not think he had ever heard her name being mentioned. Professor Dowling loved interacting with the class, no matter how large, and often called out people to answer his absurd questions. She had never put her hand up to answer. Tom was sure of it; he would have remembered her name. 

It interested him to see her pull out, not only a laptop but also a notebook. Did people even use those anymore? Even the dim light he could see the words scribbled on the cover. The decorative style did kind of make it hard to miss it. 

Property of y/f/n.

So that was her name. Tom couldn’t help but smile to himself. 

Having already missed the first ten minutes, he tried his best to focus on the words of the professor, but some things just couldn’t go unnoticed. 

By the look y/n was giving his coffee cup, he could tell that she had not had any herself and the sound of her empty stomach as they sat next to each other only confirmed his suspicion. So, it only felt like the right thing to do to give her some. And the smile he got in return definitely made it worth it. 

His attention was entirely gone by that point, as he watched her open her notebook. It was filled with little drawings. Some were more distinct than others. There were the classic five-petal flowers and the single mysterious eye with no other entity attached to it—also a few little scratchy tornadoes and random filigree. Patches of just lines and different patterns filled up the corners and extended out to the middle of the pages. Tom also definitely recognised a few attempts at bringing back the Super S in there. 

But what also filled up the page were little characters. She must have drawn them during the lectures around Halloween because he recognised a little witch, stylised to the perfect amount of cuteness. There was also a cauldron of bats flying off to the side. 

Tom could have looked at it for much longer and still find some more doodles in there, but unfortunately, she flipped the page. This one was blank. She took out a pen and started to doodle mindlessly.

First, a straight line, to which she attached little ovals. Lightly, but the lines got darker, the more she went over it. Then she made some more lighter lines across it. It made him chuckle when he recognised what it finally was—a piece of wheat. The way she stopped drawing for a second, Tom thought that she had not realised what she was drawing either. It was just a random coincidence where a few lines suddenly could make up an existing object. Then she continued. 

From time to time she’d stop to make a note somewhere in the middle of the page, something that professor Dowling said that made her giggle. It was adorable to hear. 

“Now, this,” Tom could hear the professor say from his little podium, the two little words shook everybody in the room awake because those they were code for IMPORTANT. As Dowling kept on talking, y/n closed her notebook and pulled her laptop closer to type. Tom had to pull himself together to focus on the actual lecture.

Then the sound of her stomach pulled him out of that. That was followed by the whisper of an angry “fuck”. Tom looked over to y/n again. She was trying to type something out, but her shaking fingers kept pressing the wrong buttons. She was crumbling apart from hunger. 

Crumbling… 

Suddenly, Tom remembered. He leaned down to look in his bag, hoping it was still there. It was.

“Hey,” he nudged her side, making her look up at him once more, with caution. He grabbed the small pack of Oreos and slid them over to her desk. She looked perplexed. Then she pushed the, slightly flat-looking, cookies back to Tom. He frowned. 

“I thought I’m not supposed to be taking candy from strangers.” She whispered. Tom chuckled and pushed the pack of four cookies back to her. 

“Well, good it’s not candy then. Eat. I can tell you’re starving.”

Y/n looked at the Oreos, not sure whether to take them or not, but her stomach answered for her.  She opened her mouth, but then she closed it again and turned away. Tom understood it. It would have been the fourth time she would have said: “thank you”. By now, he got the message. As she opened the packet of cookies, Tom went back to listening to the lecture. 

_________________________________

You hesitated before taking the cookies. Were they some kind of prank? You knew how frat guys loved to pull jokes on everyone, even if they were no better than middle school hijinks or cheesy April fools clichés. But the silver packet, except that it looked a bit flat, seemed to be untouched. Most likely because of getting squashed by something in his backpack. 

You opened it and were immediately hit with the delicious whiff of chocolate. You took out one cookie and didn’t bother with the usual way of splitting it open to eat the filling first. You needed food. Now. Even if it were just four broken Oreo cookies. It was better than nothing.

Obviously, you were still hungry and in need of a proper breakfast, but the small snack helped you hold out for the rest of the lecture. 

But now that your stomach was sorted for, you had another problem concentrating. Your new, still unnamed, friend tended to type very loudly. At first, you looked over in a bit of annoyance, which made you actually notice his hands. There was nothing special about them. They were naturally just hands, but the way he moved his fingers across the keyboard… it made you look back in that general direction a few times more.

Probably because of all these distractions, the usual hour and 45 minutes felt much shorter. Before you knew it, professor Dowling was saying his goodbyes and everyone around you started packing up their things.

Needing to get some food ASAP, you packed up your things and practically ran out of the room. Only as you were nearing the cafeteria did you realise that you had never said goodbye to your snack provider. 

Shit.

_________________________________

“Hey, so I was thinking-” Tom was going to suggest grabbing a bite for breakfast together, being somewhat hungry himself, but when he looked up y/n had already packed her things and was on her way to the stairs, following the other students out the door. 

Tom sank back down into his seat. 

“Any problems, Mr Holland?” Tom’s head shot forward to see professor Dowling looking up at him. When he looked around, he saw he was the only one who had not started packing up. 

“No, everything’s alright, sir,” Tom said before getting up with his laptop. “Great lecture. Learned a lot... and stuff.” 

“Good, good,” Dowling said. His glasses were slipping off his nose slightly, so he pushed them back up with his middle finger. “I did not expect you to have heard anything, by the way you and miss y/n were chatting.”

The professor’s words made Tom’s cheek burn up as he pushed the laptop back into its place in his bag. That man saw everything.Suddenly he felt as if he was in middle school again.

“Try to not make it a habit.” 

“No, sir,” Tom said.

Dowling just nodded, meaning the conversation had ended and giving Tom permission to sprint out of the room. 

He wasn’t sure why he was in such a hurry. Maybe he was hoping to find y/n waiting outside the doors. He didn’t even know why he wanted to see her there. He just did. He had this urge just to watch her doodle in that notebook of hers. There was something so endearing about it. 

Alas, no one was waiting for him outside that door. Or even in the proximity of it. There was no one but groups of students making their way from and to class. 

Then, Tom realised that she must have run off to the cafeteria. Still, he decided against going there. As much as he wanted to talk to y/n again, he didn’t want to come off stalkerish. Besides, they’d have another class tomorrow. He could speak to her then. 

“Ayo! Holland!” Tom looked over to a group of people he recognised to be his friends. They were gathered around one of the large windows that was open in the hallway. He waved to them before making his way over. 

“What’s up, man? You looked like a lost puppy.” Jacob said. 

“No nothing, I just zoned out a little, I guess.” Tom shook his head, clearing it off thoughts of y/n. 

“Well, we were thinking,” his best friend and fellow Delta Kappa resident, Harrison joined in on the conversation, “There is this new bar opening next week. The… something- shit, what’s it called again?” He looked over at the rest of the group. 

“The Sterling,” it was Zendaya that answered. She was sitting on the window sill with both legs in front of her, not living much space for anyone else to sit. She had something between her fingers, and Tom could not make out if it were a regular cigarette or a joint. (The smell insinuated at nicotine, so that answered for itself.) The fact that they were on campus did not make much difference to them. She took a drag and blew the smoke out, before handing it to Harrison. 

“So, Holland, you’re in?” 

“Yeah of course.” There’s nothing like the hysteria of drinking yourself sick in some new dingy place across campus. A new one would open up every few months because its predecessor would get shut down after too many accounts of selling alcohol to minors. It had almost become a game for younger students to see how quickly they can destroy a business. Tom and Harrison had been record holders for a while. Five weeks. Tom wasn’t exactly sure how anyone could tell they were the reason for The Six-Ball to close, but it didn’t matter. (“With a name like that, they deserve to shut down,” Harrison had joked before ordering two Long Island Iced Teas.)

Now that they were of the legal drinking age, of course, maybe it wasn’t as fun to go to those shitty holes in the wall, but with the right people, they made it a party every time. 

“Nice! So-” Jacob started talking about how he thought the night had to go, but Tom was already zoned out again. Between Zendaya and Harrison, he had the perfect view of the small grass field. Some people had sat down there with their friends to enjoy the midday, but most people still considered it too cold to sit outside. But what Tom was looking at was behind the grass field. It was the cafeteria doors. He saw that large sweater again. y/n walked out, holding something that looked like a sandwich. Tom smiled to himself. 

“What are you smiling about?” He got nudged in the ribs by someone. 

“Oh, you know, the uhm-” he had no idea what the rest of his friends had been talking about to include in his lie.

“I know,” Harrison said, lounging his arm across Tom’s shoulder to point in the same direction that Tom had been looking at. Tom froze up when he pointed straight at y/n with his finger. 

“Angela Pikowski.” 

“What?” It took Tom a second, but indeed, right in front of y/n, stood Angela with her own group of friends. She laughed at something, whipping her bottle bleached blonde hair across her shoulder. He understood too, how Harrison had caught her so quickly in his vision, for she had her jacket open and her shirt was pretty tight and low cut. How did that girl not catch pneumonia or some shit? 

“You ain't slick, bro.” Harrison patted him on the back. Tom, not wanting to get into it more than he needed, just grinned awkwardly. When he looked out into the square, Angela still stood there, but y/n was gone. 

_________________________________

The campus food was never that good, but it didn’t matter. The feelings of having actual food in your body felt so good that it might as well have been a five-course meal from a three-star Michelin restaurant. While, in reality, it was just a little bacon, egg and salad sub on stale bread. 

It did not matter. 

You enjoyed your breakfast as you walked down the path, back to your dorm. After that horrendous morning, and the pretty… interesting lecture, you were ready to lock yourself up in a room and do nothing but watch Netflix. And thankfully, due to having only one morning class, you could actually do it too.  

You said your polite “Hi”s and “Hello”s as you passed some other people you recognised from other classes. A bit hopefully, you were on the lookout for your (still nameless!) friend from the lecture. You really had to figure out what his name was. 

By the time you had reached your dorm building, your sandwich was gone. A part of you was still hungry, but you ignored that. You were probably just bored anyway. 

The dorm hall was basic in every way, from the carpeted grey floor to the plainly painted walls. But the inhabitants, of course, did try to give it some life. They hung up posters and banners, flags and lights. You reached the door that was decorated with a collage of different 80s glam rock artists and walked into your room. That college had been a little bonding experience with your roommate, Marie, during the very first week of Freshman year.

When you walked in, your eyes were immediately drawn to the lump on one of the beds. A groan erupted from underneath it when you switched on the light. 

“Ruuuude,” Marie yelled out. She came out from beneath the sheets. Her hair was bigger than ever, and you could see the mascara and eyeshadow stains under her eyes, and there was still some glitter on her. 

“You know, you should take off your make-up before going to sleep,” You said as you took off your sweater. 

“You know, you should put some on before leaving the house,” she said before diving back underneath her sheets. 

“Ouch,” you both laughed. But you couldn’t help but take a look in the mirror as you passed it. Maybe you could have used some concealer under your eyes, but it wasn’t that bad. Right? 

The room the two of you lived in maybe wasn’t big, but it wasn’t small either. You were definitely one of the luckier people in the building. Your room, after all, had just enough space for the two beds, desks and closets to mirror each other on each side of the room. You also went the extra way to put up some extra shelving on your side above the bed, since one closet was not enough. 

“Didn’t you have class this morning as well?” you asked as you sat down on. You could hear something coming from Marie that resembled an “Mhm”. Not in the talking mood, got it. 

So, in quiet, you pulled out your laptop and searched for something that did not look mind-numbingly dumb to watch, eventually settling for a show you had probably watched five times out of pure overwhelming of choice. After a while of moving around in your bed, you found a comfortable position at last and turned the show on, ready for a day of uninterrupted laziness. 

_________________________________

Tom got home a bit later than he had hoped. After making plans for the next night, his friends were determined to go out for lunch as well. What he thought would be just a quick grab-and-go, turned out to be a full two-hour lunch where they talked about anything and nothing. 

He loved the company of people, but not on Mondays. Mondays were his day to do nothing except for going to class, and Tom felt like he had already done too much. 

When he did get back, people were still busy cleaning the aftermath of the party. It had gone a bit wilder than Tom remembered. Some jackass had decided to spray paint one of the upstairs hallways, and the colour was not easy to get off. Luckily, it had become almost a custom for all the house members to lock their doors during a party. For privacy sake firstly, but like anything at Delta Kappa, it turned a bit into a game. 

The first two unlock their door, either if the person was too tired to stay at the party or wanted to bring a guest into their room, was obliged to do something horrible. It was up to the rest of the house to decide what. Fortunately for Tom, he had not been the first to unlock his door that night. That luck fell on poor Billy.

Even if it came to be so, the rule didn’t make sense because no one could check who the first one was to open their door and even if- it was not an official Delta Kappa rule. That meant that, even if the person got caught to be the first, they could simply deny the dare. They would be known as Head Chicken, of course, but there were worse things in life. 

Tom moved up the stairs, saying hi to a few of his roommates, feeling very lucky as one of the senior members of the house, he did not have cleaning duty. Most of that was up to the pledges anyway. 

He remembered when he had to do all those tasks and shit to get into the house. It was so stupid; he didn’t even understand why he chose to be in a fraternity, in the first place. 

He did think the other guys had gone a bit softer on himself and Harrison since at the beginning of it all, they had been chosen by the sorority of Alpha Zeta Zeta as the favourites. Still, some unspeakable things had been done that year. 

But now that he lived in a giant house with some of his best friends, it all felt like it was a bit worth it. He had a great time at Delta Kappa. 

One of the best pros, by far, was that he had his own bedroom. Spacious for everything he needed plus a bit more. A large, unmade, bed waited for him when he opened the door. That, and the happy barks of Tessa. 

“Hello, darling,” he bent down to pet her as she jumped to his knees. Tessa was the official mascot of the fraternity, but she had very early on found a great liking to Tom. It only took her a few days to get settled in his room, and from then on, she wouldn’t sleep anywhere else. 

Tom moved up to his bed, and Tessa gladly joined him. She patted down a circle before lying down with her head on his chest, letting out a satisfied huff of air. Even if he wasn’t comfortable, Tom had no way out anymore. He was stuck. With nothing else to do, he took out his phone and went through his notifications.

Some texts from Harrison and Jacob, a missed call from that girl he made the mistake of giving her his number. People were getting Wi-fi again because he got at least twenty different Snapchat pictures and videos from the party. 

What else there was plenty of, were Instagram mentions and tags. He went through the photos, smiling. It really had been a great party. Then, something popped up in his mind. 

Property of: y/f/n 

y/f/n

Could it be that easy? He could just search for her and hope to find her account. He typed it in. Her first name was already enough to get plenty of results. As always the profile pictures were too small to really make out a true identity, so he made his way through the accounts. 

He only needed three tries, though. The picture already resembled her, so with hope, he clicked on the account. 

This account is private. Follow this account to see their photos and videos. 

Tom sighed. Not so easy after all. Then he saw the bio. It was a bit vague, just a few random emojis. But what interested him was the Followed by and the fifteen mutual followers that she had. It couldn’t be anyone else. 

For some unknown reason, his heart was beating in his throat as he clicked on the blue Follow button and watched it turn grey. Now it was just a matter of waiting until his request got accepted. Or maybe denied. Who knows. 

_________________________________

Watching a show for the fifth time got a bit boring. You could still laugh at the jokes, but at the same time, you could also almost flawlessly quote it as the scene went along. So, a few episodes in you took out your phone and started scrolling through various app feeds.

Marie had fallen back to sleep since you could hear her snore in her bed. And you were falling asleep slowly too. It was so warm in your room, and your bed was so soft and comfortable. Your eyes were getting heavier by the second. 

Then a notification popped up, brightening up the screen in your hand. Half-awake, you tried to read it. 

(your account): Tom Holland (@tomholland2013) has requested to follow you. 

Tom? Your mind took a moment to process. Then the face finally clicked to the name. Tom! His name was Tom! 

Without much further thought you accepted the request and before you even put your phone down, you fell asleep. 

_________________________________

Not to sound desperate, Tom waited for a good half hour before rechecking his phone. He clicked on the Instagram app and the search icon. Her account was still the last one from the recent searches he made. Tom clicked on the account and, to his unexplained surprise, he was greeted with a gallery of pictures. 

He had noticed earlier that the count on top of the page said 53 Posts. Interested, he clicked on the first one. It was a picture of a coffee cup. It wasn’t tagged, but Tom recognised it to be from that café Le Moulin. He saw the distinctive black windmill on the napkin that could not be missed. 

He scrolled down. 

It was a selfie from last summer. The filter slightly enhanced her bright smile on the picture, but Tom could tell it was more to show off the warm atmosphere of her holiday destination. The next photo was from the same holiday, he assumed, of her and a group of friends. He recognised the girls from campus. When he tapped the picture for the tags, he saw their names. @tiffani.btx @bonne_marie @lucywithnodiamonds 

He thought to have spotted that Marie chick at the party. She was French if he remembered correctly. She was definitely a wild one. Might have even grinded up against him during one of the better songs that were played. 

There were some more selfies, solo and with friends, sunsets and landscapes. The picture quality got worse as he scrolled down. It matched with the timeline. People should not be keeping up their pictures from seven years ago, especially not with all those fucked up filters they used back then. Tom was, of course, one of those people. 

He scrolled to the last picture; it was of a dog—one of the cutest little labrador puppies. 

Out of nowhere, Tessa barked in her sleep, making Tom jump up. This sudden movement, in its turn, woke the dog up completely. Tessa kept barking. 

“Right, I think it’s time for a walk, what do you think?” He patted Tessa on the head as she tried to lick his arm. Tom got up and was about to leave his room when he realised he almost forgot his phone. The screen hadn’t turned off yet, so he looked at the puppy again. But something was off this time. Something had changed. 

The little blank heart under the image- it was now pink. 

He accidentally liked her oldest picture. 

_________________________________

There were two types of naps. Those that made you feel amazing and refreshed by the time you got up. And those that made you feel like you had fallen asleep on a bed of rocks. You felt even worse than before when you woke up. Your head was throbbing, and your bra had pushed itself into every possible part of your chest, making it that much more uncomfortable. 

“What time is it?” you asked Marie, but she was still asleep. 

The light of your phone almost blinded you, so you quickly put down the brightness. It was around four o’clock. Meaning you had slept for a good three hours. 

Besides the time, you checked your notifications. There were not a lot of them. A few spam emails, a few texts in a group chat you never responded too and… a like on Instagram? 

tomholland2013 liked your photo. 1 h 

You had to think back to the moment before your nap to remember that he had in fact requested to follow you. And you had accepted it. 

You clicked on the notification, and it sent you to the liked picture. To your surprise, it was the picture of your family dog, Spot. Your family had picked the name even though he was a completely yellow labrador, loving the irony. 

It was your first-ever picture, from over seven years ago. Had he been stalking your account? Why the fuck would he do that? 

Well, you thought, it was only fair if I do it too. So, through the like, you made your way over to his account. 

First thing you noticed was the number of followers he had. 15.7k How the fuck do people even get those numbers? Well, it’s easier if you’re a hot frat guy, of course. 

His profile picture was a mirror selfie, and clearly, it was his favourite composition, for at least five out of the first nine pictures in the gallery were the same style. All full-body reflections, with him holding the phone in his right hand, leaning his head a bit to look at the screen as he took the picture. His lips weren’t exactly in a smirk, but there was that cockiness in there. He really was feeling it, that was obvious. 

The first picture was a classic mirror pose- A black jacket and a black hat: the same outfit he had been wearing in class. You looked at the timestamp and saw that he only posted it an hour ago. Already it had dozens of comments and a low thousand amount of likes.

You scrolled down. A denim jacket and beanie in the mirror; a grey t-shirt and sweats in the mirror; a black suit in the mirror, the list could go on. There were other pictures, mostly from the frat house parties and other events where alcohol played a significant role. There were also the occasional front camera selfies. 

You couldn’t help but look at those a little bit longer. There was something about that small tight smile that he made that was so cute. In one of the more saturated pictures, with a deeper shadow, you noticed that his nose actually had a little bump in it, most likely from breaking it in the past. 

But just from likes alone, you could tell that the mirror was a public favourite. 

There was something about the confidence that the pictures portrayed that spoke to you.. He knew he looked good, and no one could deny it. Except, he looked so much better than good. 

It was interesting to be scrolling down his posts because it was like a trip back in time. At first, it didn’t wasn’t that obvious, just maybe a change in temperature during the year that was referenced through his clothing. Then it showed a bit more as his hair started to get shorter by each picture taken. It got shorter and shorter until his hair was not much more than a buzz. The reason for the drastic hair change was explained in the next picture. 

You had already scrolled down four years worth of pictures, and this one was of him (taken by someone else). Tom was standing in a victory stance on a grass field, which you recognised to be the campus square. He was only wearing boxer shorts and on his chest was painted, in bright blue paint, 𝜟K. Underneath the post, read the caption: Delta Kappa babyyy! with a bunch of other hashtags. One that was included was #deltakappapledge #initiated. Of course, it was during his pledge period. 

You kind of hoped that he had to do more than just shave off his hair because he didn’t even look half that bad. It even suited him actually. Hoping to find some more evidence of that embarrassing period, you scrolled on. 

The sound that came out of your mouth as you scrolled to the next picture was inhumane. Keeping to tradition, it was a mirror selfie. Behind him seemed to be some workout equipment, possibly from the campus gym, but no one would look at that. Everyone would be too focused on what was in the foreground. 

It was Tom standing in front of a mirror, chest glistening with sweat as his hair draped in front of his eyes. Instead of the usual pose, he stood sideways, showing off not only his flexed bicep as he took the picture, but also the outline of all his other muscles.

Completely forgetting what you were doing, you double-tapped the post. How could you not? Only a second later, did your monkey brain realise what you had done. You had made that exact same mistake as Tom. Except while he had liked a picture of a cute dog, you had made your mark on a shirtless selfie.

As the pure humiliation flooded over you, you threw your phone to the other end of the bed with a squeak. 

What’s done was done. 

_________________________________

Tom came back from the walk with Tessa after an hour. They both enjoyed a long walk around the park neighbouring the campus, just to then pretend like they were too exhausted and lay in bed the rest of the day. Well, Tom pretended. Tessa seemed legitimately tired. 

They went back to their position on the bed. Not sure what else to do, Tom got back to Instagram. There was no reaction to his accidental like yet. Not even a follow back from y/n. A bit rude but okay, maybe she hadn’t seen it yet? 

He shook his head. He didn’t like this weird side of him. Where had it even come from? Since when did he wait for anyone to respond to him? And they weren’t even having a conversation! 

Having nothing else to do, he searched through his phone gallery for a good picture to post. He chose one he had taken during lunch, on his way from the bathroom. It was still crazy that his friends wanted to go to a place where you needed to take an elevator to go to the toilet. 

He didn’t care for editing, so he went through the usual Instagram process of making a post, thought of some dumb caption and send it out into the internet. Soon enough, as if they had a notification on for his activities, the likes streamed in.  For the first few minutes, he tried to look through them, again hoping that y/n would be one of the likes or the heart eyes emojis in the comments, but quickly it became too much, and Tom couldn’t keep up. He still enjoyed reading the comments.

Of course, it was all one big ego boost. The praise and compliments, even if it was for something as shallow as his looks, definitely gave him a good kick of dopamine and all those other happy chemicals during the day. 

Tessa was snoring and drooling on his belly as Tom went through his timeline and explore page. There was not much exciting happening in peoples’ lives, but it made the time flow by faster. An hour had gone by probably when he decided to recheck his activities. His new picture already had a few thousand likes and was close to reaching a hundred comments.  He went through some of them and either liked them or responded with a matching emoji. 

But as he scrolled through the activity, he saw a like that was to a different picture. A rather old one too, just from the beginning of college. And who might have liked this picture? y/n 

She liked a workout selfie, huh?

With the confidence that the like gave him, Tom clicked on her account and the message button. He thought about what to send for a moment but decided against overthinking it and went with a simple- 

_________________________________

(tomholland2013): Tom Holland: Hi 

You looked at the notification for a while. He definitely saw you had liked his old picture. Was he going to make fun of you? Tease you how you had outed yourself for thirsting over him? 

But maybe he just wants to talk? You tried to sound optimistic to yourself. After all, he did like an old picture of yours too. You were kind of in the same boat.   

Putting all worries aside, you clicked on that damn nerve-wracking notification, and without much more thought send out the reply. 

(y/n)

Hey :) 

Before you could even send out the smiley, the message rose to reveal “SEEN” beneath it. Was this happening? Was it? You could see he was typing. 

(tomholland2013)

After stalking me you could have at least followed me back lol 

(y/n)

Right sorry just a lot of mirror selfies. Thought i’d seen everything there is to see 😂

(tomholland2013)

Rude Seen anything you like though? ;)

Uhhh, of course, you have. You liked it. A lot. But you weren’t going to give him that satisfaction. 

(y/n) 

No not really 

Quickly change the subject. 

So what are you up to? 

Good enough subject? 

(tomholland2013) 

Just lying in bed with Tess

Tess? Who was Tess? Did he have a girlfriend? If he did, he would have posted something on his Instagram, right? That’s what couples did? Unless it was just a one time fling. You couldn’t even call it a one-night stand since it wasn’t even night. 

Wait, why did you even care about that? You had literally only said hello to each other and shared a coffee during class. 

But the curiosity was gnawing at you.

(y/n) 

Tess? 

(tomholland2013)

Yeah, she’s falling asleep on my chest. Kinda tired her out lol

You looked at the text, unsure how to respond, or even if to do it. Was he telling you about his hookup?  It didn’t sound like the nice guy you had met in front of the lecture hall, and that gave you his leftover coffee and Oreos. Your face wrenched into a grimace, not sure anymore what to make of this conversation or of what had happened during class.

He was typing again. 

Wanna see? 

Jesus Christ, this was a mistake. You didn’t respond, but he still sent you a picture anyway. It was a timer, unfortunately, meaning you had to click on it to see what he had sent. But he could see you got the message and that you were online. The longer you took, the more prominent you would make it that something was wrong, and you didn’t want to hurt his feelings. He had given you his coffee. 

The curiosity got the better of you once again, though, and you clicked on the little bomb. What popped up was almost what you expected- but at the same time, so not. Before your brain properly processed what you were looking at, you were scared that he had sent you an unsolicited dick pic, but it was the furthest thing from that. 

What you saw was a POV shot of his chest and legs. He was indeed lying on his bed. On his chest, however, was the head of a grey silver dog. “Tess” had her eyes closed peacefully as she slept on. 

Of course, it was a dog. 

You decided to be honest. For the benefit of the conversation, if anything. 

(y/n) 

Omg 💀 

(tomholland2013)

We just came back from a long walk, so she’s pretty knackered  What?  Did you think I meant something else? 

Embarrassment kicked in anyway. 

(y/n) 

No... lol 

(tomholland2013)

You sooo did lmao Jealous much ;)

(y/n) 

Of the dog maybe

(tomholland2013) 

Cause she gets to be here with me? 

(y/n)

No I meant it like  She’s so cute  I want one

(tomholland2013)

Relax  I was just messing with you  But if you ever wanna come over

(y/n) 

Maybe another time 

The response came out in a panic. Had he invited you for what you thought he did? No, there was no way he did. Besides, you couldn’t go to his house. You barely knew the guy- your mind kept on whirring about it. But the conversation continued.

Soon the sun had gone down, and it got dark outside, but the messages kept coming in. At one point Marie finally woke up from her hangover slumber. Drowsily she got up and headed for the shower with a towel and toiletries bag in her hand. Before she left, though. She asked you if you could prepare something to eat for dinner since she was starving. You being you, agreed.

(y/n)

Hey, I think I gotta go for a bit. Gotta make dinner for my roommate

(tomholland2013) 

What’s on the menu? 

(y/n) 

Probably spicy ramen? 

(tomholland2013) 

Damn. sounds good But can’t she make it herself? 

_________________________________

A part of Tom wanted to send another message. I want to keep talking to you. But that felt like a bit much. She was typing again anyway. 

(y/n) 

Because she’s still hungover from your party lol Thank for that btw 

(tomholland2013) 

You make it sound like i am personally responsible 

(y/n) 

Well your the only guy from DK i know so  you’re**  💀fml. There go my chances of an english degree 

(tomholland2013) 

Nah babe YOU’RE good ;)

 _________________________________

Your heart fluttered at the little word, for no reason. It was just a text message. He probably called every girl he texted that. Still, the sentiment was there. Also that winky face of his. Could he stop? 

He started to type again. 

(tomholland2013) 

But if you ever wanna meet the other guys, you really are welcome to come over. 

(y/n) 

I’m good thanks. 

Going to a frat house alone? You felt like that could easily be the start of your personal horror movie. It would absolutely crash at the box office, but that didn’t matter. And it was the second time he invited you to come over. If it was a hint, it wasn’t a subtle one. It didn’t stop you from doubting it.

(tomholland2013)

No need to be scared. They’re pretty chill dudes. 

It was cute how he could read your mind because you were undoubtedly scared, but what he probably did not think was that you weren’t interested in meeting any other frat guy because there was only one on your mind at the moment. 

(y/n) 

Maybe another time  ttyl? 

You had sent the last message in the hopes that he had as much fun talking to you as you did with him. You watched eagerly as the three dots danced around on the screen while he typed out his answer. 

(tomholland2013)

 Absolutely

_________________________________

Tom turned his phone off with a smile covering his face. He had just spent talking a good two hours to y/n, and he had to admit, he hadn’t had that pleasant of a conversation with anyone in a long time. It was just so easy to talk to her. It might be partly because it was only texts. But still, she was funny, sweet, and so pretty...

Unbeknown to himself, he was falling a little bit for y/n. Although, maybe he did feel it coming. The idea of getting another text from her made his face heat up. The idea of seeing her in class the next day almost made him… giddy. And it’s only been a day. 

“Hey, man,” there came a knock on his door. “Better hide anything that would make it awkward between us cause I’m coming inside in 3-2-1-” 

“‘S all good,” Tom said right as Harrison walked through the door. 

“We’re gonna order pizza, what do you want?”

“Just the usual, I guess,’ Tom shrugged. Honestly, he didn’t really feel like eating pizza but to be the only one that wasn’t having any wasn’t a good strategy either. 

“Alright, then.” As quickly as he walked in, Harrison was also leaving the room. But he peeked his head through the door once more before actually walking away. 

“Hey, are you sure you’re good?” Harrison looked at him through narrow eyes.

“Yeah,” Tom answered as he prodded himself to sit up. “Why?” 

“I don’t know… Nevermind.” And with that, Harrison left to share Tom’s order. 

It was a rare occasion that all the house members would be at home on a night that wasn’t reserved for a party. That night, when it came to dinner, it was around 8 of them. Everyone was already sitting on the couches when Tom came downstairs to grab his pizza. He grabbed a chair and his box and sat down. A football game was playing on tv, and it made Tom roll his eyes. He still had no real idea of how football was supposed to work. He always preferred golf or basketball, or even baseball. 

The guys cheered at a touchdown or whatever but all Tom could focus on was his phone. He kept checking if there were any notifications from y/n. So far, there was nothing. She was probably busy, he told himself, not wanting to feel too disappointed. 

 _________________________________

“So who were you texting back then?” Marie said as she slurped on her noodles. You were playing around with your own portion a bit, not really in the eating mindset.

“Huh? No one.” you shook your head.  

“So it is someone. C’mon. Who is it?” She extended her leg to poke yours. She kept going until you finally gave in. 

“Just this guy from Dowling’s class.” you finally took a bite of ramen. 

“Aaand does this guy have a name?” Marie kept on asking. 

You looked up from your cup of noodles. “Tom… Holland.” 

Marie gasped, almost dropping her food onto her lap. “Tom Holland? As in Delta Kappa Tom Holland?’ you nodded your head yes. “No fucking way.” 

“What?” Not the most nuanced reaction, but it would do. 

“No way you have a crush on Tom fucking Holland.” You always noticed that when Marie cursed her French accent would show up again. Just the slightest bit. This time, however, what you stayed on was her statement. 

“I do not!” you said as your cheeks were heating up. 

“Ohhh, you do. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have said ‘nobody’. Everybody knows that ‘nobody’ is code for either crush, boyfriend, or drug dealer. And I think we can exclude the last option.” you were going to protest, but you would have only been fooling yourself. 

“So, hypothetically, let’s say I do have a crush on him. Why did you scream out ‘No way’?” You bit your lip, a bit scared for an answer. 

“No, no, no. I didn’t mean it like that.” Marie put down her ramen on her desk and came to sit down next to you on your bed. “I didn’t mean that you, like, don’t have a chance with him. Please, if anything, you’re too good for him.’ you both chuckled. “I just didn’t think he’d be your type.” 

“What, hot?” You raised an eyebrow to which she slapped your shoulder. 

“You’re being difficult. I mean, so… out there. You know, he’s basically the leader of that frat house, he always parties, always has stuff to go to. And you’re… well, pretty much the exact opposite. Not that there is anything wrong with that. Completely not. I just don’t want you to put yourself in any positions that you’re uncomfortable with to impress him or anything. Remember, you are too good for him.” 

“Thanks.” you hugged her from the side. “But don’t you think that it would be good for me to go out once in a while? Out of my comfort zone?”

“Sure, if you’re actually doing it for you. Not some guy.” 

“He is really nice, you know.” you smiled, remembering what had happened that morning. You went on telling Marie about it. 

“Oh, so he’s got a crush on you too, huh? That works out perfectly. ” She finally said when you were done telling your story. You looked at her with wide eyes. 

“What? Noooo,” you said, letting an awkward laugh escape through the no. 

“Fine, whatever,” Marie moved back to her own bed and grabbed her cup of ramen. “But I bet you that if you check your phone now, you’ll have at least one message from him.” 

You rolled your eyes again but grabbed your phone either way. And, fair enough, you had two notifications from ten minutes ago. 

(tomholland2013): Tom Holland: Heyy

(tomholland2013): Tom Holland: I hope the ramens good

Holding in your smile, and ignoring the smart ass comments of Marie, you replied quickly. 

(y/n)

It was :)

_________________________________ 

The speed at which Tom checked his phone when he felt the vibration in his pocket could have caused someone severe whiplash. He responded to the text and got up. Ultimately, he had hoped that he could slip out the room unnoticed, but he never got what he wanted, did he? 

“Where are you going?” It was Dave that saw him get up. Tom stopped in his tracks like a little kid that got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. 

“Just up to my room. Feelin’ a bit tired.’ He explained. This answer received several strange and confused looks, but Tom ignored those and just walked upstairs without saying another word. He plopped down onto his bed. Tessa was still downstairs under the table chewing on some pizza crusts, so he was finally alone. 

The texting continued through the whole night, and Tom had wholly lost the sense of time. He didn’t even feel tired. If it wasn’t for y/n saying that she was about to fall asleep, he wouldn’t at least. Like that, the windshield crashed, and he felt the fatigue from the hours of messaging and staring at a screen overwhelm him. He just about managed to send out goodnight before his eyelids were too heavy to open up again. 

_________________________________

The next morning you woke up feeling much better than either time the day before. Fresh and energised, with plenty of time to get ready before class started. Not that you really put much effort into how you looked for the morning lectures. It was more mental preparation. With enough time to eat breakfast, shower and brush your teeth, you felt excellent walking out the door. Dressed in a sweater that was warmer than two jackets and some loose jeans. With your bag over your shoulder. 

You always thought the walk from your dorm to the lecture halls was delightful. The path leading toward it was enveloped in a tunnel of trees, and during the end of the year, when the leaves were turning into their auburn and golden shades, it almost felt warmer than in summer. Because the harsh wind still kept up with its schedule. It blew in your face as you walked, rubbing against your cheeks. 

When you got there, the lecture hall was still relatively empty. Only a few other people had taken their seats. This was the crucial moment of choosing your seat. Against all your own instincts, you walked down to the bottom of the auditorium, into the fourth row. You had never sat that closer to professor Dowling’s podium, too scared you would be too easy to notice and called to answer a question. But something in you told you to be brave. 

Besides, you had the idea that Tom wasn’t eager to sit there either.

As much as those butterflies in your stomach fluttered at his mention, you didn’t want to talk to him now, not during class. You needed to pass this class badly and to do that, you needed to focus. Something you could not do with him sitting next to you. 

That’s what you told yourself. It was, of course, true, but the bigger problem was that you were scared. Tom sounded like a nice guy, a very good looking nice guy, but Marie’s words played in your head. He was from a completely different world. And it was a scary one. Why not keep a bit of a safe distance at first?

So, you kept your head buried in your notebook as people started to stream into the room. One by one, the seats around you were getting occupied—none of them by Tom, for better or for worse. 

_________________________________

It had taken Tom a while to find y/n. He walked into the room, thinking he had come in with plenty of time to spare, but as he was making his way down the steps, the professor was already making his way to the podium. Tom tried to look around the room as quickly as he could, but he could not see her. Where was she? 

Professor Dowling coughed loudly, indicating for everyone to shut up and sit down, so he could start the lecture. Tom took the first empty seat he saw. An aisle seat somewhere around the 8th row. The course started, but Tom’s eyes stayed on the seats, looking for that braid. 

It wasn’t a brilliant plan, because he had no idea if she had actually kept that braid in for another day. And she had not, in fact. He noticed her, sitting somewhere at the bottom of the class, as she grabbed her hair and was pulling it up into a bun. She did it so quickly, so smoothly, without ever letting her attention get away from her. Focused on the class. He could really learn something from her. 

And he tried to take a page from her book as he finally looked ahead of him to see Dowling write an entire essay on the blackboard. He cursed himself and quickly started to type everything over. His fingers went in fully automatic mode, and he had no more idea what the words he was typing actually meant. 

His mind had wandered off once again. He couldn’t stop feeling that disappointing pull at his heartstrings. He had hoped they could have had a repeat of yesterday. She apparently thought differently. Or maybe she had hoped he would sit next to her, but he was just too slow? 

The lecture went on forever, felt like. Tom’s fingers were cramping up from typing so much, and he could feel his back beginning to hurt in the uncomfortable chair. He kept stealing quick glances at y/n, hoping to catch her in doing the same, but she had not moved once. 

He had to get a grip. They had known each other for one day, spoken maybe ten sentences to each other in person. The rest was all through text. And nothing was the same via messages. Maybe all his feelings were coming from the entirely wrong place? Perhaps she was just polite, and he had misinterpreted it for casual flirting? Besides, there was that sweater of hers yesterday- what if she had a boyfriend? 

But a part of him still wanted to ignore all those signs and go for it. So, when the bell rang, and professor Dowling finally dismissed the class, Tom made sure he was one of the first ones outside. The large hall had two exits, so he stood against a wall, somewhere in the middle between both doors, hoping to catch y/n as she was walking out. 

The loud rumbling of thunder caught his attention momentarily. 

It was just a second, he swore to himself. But the second was enough to miss her. Somehow she had escaped him, nowhere to be found.

_________________________________

You had seen Tom waiting out in front of the room, and you felt horrible for walking the exact opposite direction. For the sake of your own feelings, you didn’t look back at any point on your way to your second lecture. 

As Professor Phillips spoke, you felt your phone vibrate. 

(tomholland2013): Tom Holland: where are you? :) 

The little smiley made heat up in the cheeks, but you tried to ignore that as you typed out a response. You didn’t even click the notification to go to the app, just responded through the shortcut. 

(y/n): had another class

Another notification popped up not long after. 

(tomholland2013): Tom Holland: wanna meet up later? 

(y/n): ngl I don’t feel well, will probably head back home right after

(y/n): but i’d love to chat

You shut off your phone, too scared to see the reply. Maybe it wasn’t the best move since you could not think about anything else for the remainder of the class. When you checked your phone again on your way back to the dorms your heart was lifted. 

(tomholland2013): Tom Holland: of course. hope you feel better <3

_________________________________

Tom tried to think that she wasn’t avoiding him. After all, they texted almost every possible second that they had the time for the past week

They had talked about pretty much anything and everything. And it felt great. The way they spoke to each other, or at least Tom to her, was as if they had known each other for ages. 

Tom only wished he could do that with her from across a table, or a on a bench. Where ever, he didn’t care. He wanted to be able to look into her eyes as they talked and see her smile. Hear that lol and not just imagine it. 

Unfortunately, y/n was kind of giving him the cold shoulder in the real life. She ignored him during classes, and was gone before he could get the chance to talk to her. Whenever he asked if they could meet, she’d give him some reason she couldn’t. If it wasn’t for the fact that they had actually already met in real life, he had vary valid reasons to think he was being catfished. 

Another reason could have been that she sounded too perfect.

It was the next Tuesday already, and Tom was waiting eagerly for the lecture to end. It had been a full week and he had decided, while copying some of Dowling’s notes, that he would talk to y/n today. After class. 

Tomorrow would be the opening of the Sterling and he wanted to ask her if she wanted to come.Or at least to know if she wanted to hang out ever. If the truth came to be no, he would be fine with that. He respected that. He just needed to know. It wouldn’t take away from the fact how great it was to have someone to talk to, even if it was only through text bubbles.

The bell rang and Tom sprinted out. He kept his eyes on both doors as best as possible and finally saw her. 

_________________________________

“Hey, y/n!” you heard your name being called from behind you. It was from Tom. He waved to you so would come over. Taking a deep breath, you decided to wave back, but your legs were frozen in place.

You felt absolutely terrible for ignoring him and denying his various invitations to hang out or to go anywhere, but it was just too terrifying. You were scared of fucking it up. Of it to turn out to be one big joke. You had heard of frat guys using dates and hookups as dares and shit. You didn’t want that. You couldn’t let that happen.

But when you saw Tom smile at you, those worries suddenly disappeared and your legs moved without connecting to your brain. Suddenly, you found your spot next to him.

He had been leaning against the wall with one foot, his arms crossed. You decided to lean against it with your shoulder. Even though you had your sweater, you could feel the grizzly texture of the bare red brick. He smiled and mirrored your movement, so you were only a few inches apart. ,

“Hey,” he said, still with the smile on his face. 

“Hey,” you replied. 

Tom uncrossed his arms to brush his fingers through his hair. As you watched him do so, you couldn’t help imagine how it would feel to play with his hair. It looked so soft. 

“I just wanted to say,” he licked his lips. You were so close to each other that you could see how pink and chapped they were. Focus. “How much fun I had the past week. It’s bee really great talking to you.” 

“I had fun too,” you said. It really was nice talking to Tom. Especially now, standing so close to him, you could smell the coffee he had consumed that morning. Was it pumpkin spice? You felt stupid for not letting it happen sooner.

“Great, that’s- that’s really great to hear. I said great already, didn’t I?” He laughed, shaking his head, “Anyway, I was thinking: a couple of friends of mine are going to the opening of this new bar, the Sterling, it’s probably going to be a bit boring, but I thought, maybe you’d like to come? With me?” He looked at you with those big brown eyes. Your mind started racing a million miles an hour at his words. The fuzzy warm feeling that you got from looking at his smile was dispersing and setting in for anxiety.

He wanted you to go to a bar with him and his friends? Would that be considered a date? For the sake of your dignity, you decided against asking for clarification. It didn’t matter. You couldn’t go to some dingy bar with strangers, even if one of them was Tom. You could already feel your body heating up in anxiety as all the horrible scenarios played out in your head. 

You realised you had been quiet for a while and Tom was still looking at you hopefully. 

“No,” you blurted out. “I mean, I can’t. Sorry.” 

“Oh, that’s fine. Totally. Maybe another time? Or if you don’t wanna go there, we could go somewhere else?” 

“Uhh,” you couldn’t breath. All his suggestions were so sweet, but it felt too overwhelming to answer. Thankfully, the clock tower at the other end of campus rang and indicated the quarter of an hour. Your next class would soon start, and it was about a five-minute walk to get to. 

“I have to go.” you pointed back and started walking, but Tom grabbed your hand gently, just enough by your fingertips. 

“Sorry, I just- if you don’t want to hang out with me, that’s totally fine. You don’t have to pretend to like me, no hurt feelings. I don’t want you to-” 

“I do, Tom,” you told him with a compassionate smile. Then you looked back at the clock. “But I really got to go.” 

“Right, sorry.” he let go of your hand, and you ran off to your next course. 

 _________________________________

“Who was that?” 

As soon as y/n ran off, Tom heard the voice coming from next to him. Zendaya popped up out of nowhere, an unlit cigarette hanging between her lips as she leaned in the same spot y/n had. 

“Just a friend,” Tom shrugged. That’s what they were, after all. If even. He hoped he could describe someone he had mainly only spoken through texts with as a friend. 

“You sure about that?” Zendaya smirked. “Cause by the looks of it, she’s got you pretty hooked. You were basically begging her to go out with you, bro.” 

“Yeah, well, forcefulness isn’t exactly an aphrodisiac, is it?” he sighed then almost turned pale at the words he had said. Zendaya didn’t say anything, just nodded and took out her glittery lighter. 

“Could you not?” Tom pulled the cigarette out of her mouth before she could light it and put it in his pocket. “We’re inside, for fucks sake.” 

“Fine, but tell me who this friend of yours is.” She nodded her head back into the direction that y/n ran in. 

“I don’t really know. I mean I do, but- Basically we met last week before class. Then I found her on Instagram and DM’d her-” 

“You slid into her DMs? Bro,” she laughed. 

“Call it what you want, it was the only way of reaching her I had.” 

“Fine, so you like her, yeah?” 

“I guess.” Tom didn’t like sharing his feelings. It put him in this vulnerable position that he was not used to. Zendaya knew that, yet still she pushed him to do it almost every time they talked. 

“For what it’s worth, I think she likes you too,” she said. 

“How so?” he questioned hesitantly. It wouldn’t have been the first time that Zendaya had pulled that trick on him to date someone. And it had not ended well. 

“Well, body language for one, she felt comfortable enough around you to stand close to you, facing you; she smiled at your rants which, props to her, is hard to do.” 

“How long had you been watching us, exactly?” Tom asked a bit freaked out. Zendaya ignored the question.

“Believe me, she likes you. She’s just scared.” she pulled out another cigarette from her pocket, “also, taking a girl to a shithole like the Sterling for your first date? I’m glad she said no. Set some standards, man.” And with that lovely comment, she walked away. She didn’t have to see Tom flipping her off, she knew he would do it, and she replied lovingly in the same way. 

That’s what you got for being friends with psychology majors. 

 _________________________________

The first thing you did after walking out of your second class was to check your phone if you had received any messages from Tom. There was nothing. So you decided to message him yourself. 

(your account) 

Hey  Sorry I ran away like that  And basically anytime after class and making those dumb excuses not to meet up Just so you know I do really wanna hang out with you I’m just not really great with crowds or with places like bars and stuff And ive also never really been asked to go anywhere with anyone, like personally  Idk why im telling you this. I’m definitely rambling Texting is definitely easier than talking huh Sorry for all this 

It took Tom two minutes to see your messages and to respond.

(tomholland2013)

It’s totally okay. I get it And sorry if i made you uncomfortable with all that.  Can i come to your place tonight? Or how about we go to Le Moulin?

Le Moulin. You had been there before. You could do that. With trembling fingers of excitement, you replied

(your account) 

Deal. Around 7?

(tomholland2013)

Sounds perfect. See u then 

 _________________________________

Tommo: Hey guys, sorry but im gonna have to skip on tonight 

This short message was seen and very much not appreciated by his friends. None of the replies could be seen as appropriate for day-time television. Except for the one Zendaya had sent him through their personal chat. It was simple, 

Z: 👍

With the entire afternoon off, Tom made sure he looked somewhat decent for the night. He took a shower. Washed his hair and made sure it was extra soft. He wasn’t sure what y/n thought of it, but from past experiences, he knew that usually, girls loved his hair. Thinking about other girls was probably not the best mindset, though. Still, his hair did look really good. He brushed his fingers through it. 

It had not yet stopped raining, which was a bit of a problem, but he hoped she wouldn’t mind getting a bit wet. For the sake of it, he took an umbrella with him. Luckily it wasn’t very windy, so it actually came to good use. The walk from the frat house to the dorm that y/n said she lived in wasn’t too far away, and fortunately on the way to the place he had in mind to take her to. 

On his way over, he thought about what Zendaya had told him. 

Was y/n scared? Of what? 

They had talked about that kind of stuff briefly, during the weekend, and she and said that she suffered from anxiety. Tom just thought it was stuff like giving a presentation in class. He hadn’t even thought about the more social aspect of it. And here he was pushing all those things at her like going to some bar with strangers. Jesus, why did he have to be such a dumbass? 

The dorm complex had a buzzer system like a regular apartment complex, so he searched for her name on the long list, and pressed the button next to it. 

“Hello?” It was her roommate, Marie, that answered. 

“Hey, it’s Tom. I’m here to pick up y/n.” He could hear some indistinct giggling coming from the other side of the line. 

“Of course, c’mon up. But I’m afraid you’ll have to wait a bit.” Next followed the buzzer, and the doors opened for him. The number on the button said 54, so he assumed it had to be on the fifth floor. When he walked up to the door with that number, he was greeted with a colourful collage of rock bands whose hair was probably more impressive than their vocal range, which said a lot considering Queen was on it. 

He knocked and waited for someone to open. y/n was the one to do it. She stood frozen in the door, only a towel wrapped around her body. 

“I thought we said seven?” she said, her voice a bit higher than usual.

“It’s quarter past seven!” Marie shouted out from inside the dorm. y/n cursed. 

“Shit, sorry, I lost complete track of time. Give me ten minutes, okay?” she held up a finger so he would wait here. Tom nodded and let her close the door again. He could still hear her yell at Marie as to why she had not told her she was running late, to which Marie only responded with hysterical laughter. 

“Holland?” someone in the hallway asked a few minutes later. Tom turned in the direction to see a guy with a head full of bed hair poke out of his doorway (which was covered in pictures of death metal posters and my little ponies). He stepped out in the hallway to reveal he was wearing nothing but a pair of tiny and tight briefs, leaving little to the imagination. 

“Oh hey… Crocker,” he called the guy by his preferred nickname. 

“Hey man, what are you doing here?” Crocker asked. The way his eyes were almost ruby red and the stench coming from his room, Tom presumed that the guy was higher than a kite. 

“Oh you know, waiting for a date, heh.” He said a bit awkwardly, pointing back to door 54. 

“Ah, getting some of that French jay nehsuh gwaa.” 

Tom looked confused. He wasn’t sure he had ever heard someone butcher a language that badly. Well, probably, but he didn’t remember it. He kind of understood what Crocker meant, though.

“No, I’m here for y/n. Not Marie.”

“Damn? Really.” Crocker started to giggle, which might as well just have been a side effect from whatever he had smoked up in his room. 

“Yeah?” He wasn’t sure how else to react. Crocker just shrugged and walked back into his room, smashing the door closed. Tom turned slowly, not sure what exactly had happened just then. And he turned right on time too, because the door of dorm 54 opened and y/n walked out. Wearing a raincoat over a sweater and jeans. She also had a pair of black ankle boots on. Tom could not help but smile at the sight of her. 

“Sorry about that,” she said, the nervousness in her voice was unmistakable. 

“First,” Tom spoke, remembering one of his earlier worries from days ago, “you don’t have a boyfriend, do you?” The question made her laugh.

“I very much do not. Why did you think that?” 

“The sweater you wore when we met. It had that whole stole-it-from-my-boyfriend vibe.” 

“No, I haven’t had anyone to steal clothes from in a long time.” she shook her head. Tom extended his hand for her to take, which she gladly did. It felt amazing.

“So what will you be ordering?” 

“Ice cream,” Tom answered, almost matter-of-factly. 

 _________________________________

“Ice cream?” you asked to make sure you had heard him correctly. He nodded in agreement. “Don’t you think it’s a bit cold for that?” 

“No.” He said bluntly, which really sold the case for you. You were on your way again.

You could hear the rain pound against the main door before you even reached the ground floor, and it only got harder and louder the nearer you got. Tom, being a true gentleman, opened the door for you, but you were a bit hesitant to walk outside. 

“Oh, shit. Sorry,” he let you hold the door so he could step through the threshold and push open the umbrella. You noticed it was a Delta Kappa umbrella. They really made merch of everything. As he put the umbrella up, he extended his arm for you to intertwine yours through. Then, you walked. 

Though it was relatively early, the sky was pitch black because of how early the sun set those days and the dark clouds that had been pestering the sky that entire day. Not a star was to be seen. The rain tapped heavily against the umbrella, and you tried to stay as close to Tom as possible. The excuse, of course, was to not get wet but really you wanted to enjoy the warmth that he was giving off. At one point you had changed position from just having your arm over his, to him wrapping his arm over your shoulder. 

You walked down a brightly lit path, so you could see everything around you. The trees, the cars passing by, the building. So, when you saw the little café at the end of the street, you squealed. 

While there were plenty of bars, pubs and clubs to go to around town, so there were restaurants and cafés. And while restaurants really weren’t your thing, you loved to sit in one of the cosy coffee shops with a cup of tea or coffee and read a good book. Another fun thing about all those places was that they were very internationally orientated, speaking to the wide variety of students that the university had. Le Moulin was of course based on a Parisian café. You had actually found it together with Marie, in hopes she could have something that felt a bit closer to home. Though it didn’t come close to the real magic of the French capital, it still had plenty of its charm in it. Not to mention, the pain du chocolats were to die for! 

Yet, you had never actually had ice cream from their menu. 

You still weren’t sure if today would be the day for it. By the time you wear under the little entrance roof, you were freezing, and so was Tom, visibly. 

“Are you still sure about the ice cream?” you asked him as he closed the umbrella.

“Hot chocolate?” he suggested, suddenly fluent in your love language: chocolate and hot drinks (it was a very simplified version of said love language). 

This time Tom got to be the real gentleman as he let you walk inside first. He dropped the umbrella in the stand, together with a few others. When you looked around the café, you saw that a few more couples were enjoying the cosiness. A sweet melody was playing from the speakers. The rain had also softened outside, and together with the vintage sounds of guitar and vocals, it gave the perfect atmosphere for the night.

You had barely stepped inside when one of the waiters walked up. He smiled and said: “Your table is ready,” which surprised you, but Tom took you by the hand, and you both followed the waiter to one of the tables next to the wall, where one side had a couch instead of the usual chairs. You sat down first, taking off your jacket. Tom was going to sit opposite you, but now it was your turn to grab his hand. 

“Slide in.”

He smiled and sat down. He probably didn’t need any convincing and just wanted to hear you say that you wanted him to sit next to you. You didn’t mind that. 

“Should I prepare the order?” the waiter asked as you made yourself comfortable, again confusing the hell out of you. 

“Actually, scrap that. We’ll have two large hot chocolates.” Tom said. 

“With cinnamon!” you added. 

“One with cinnamon.” Tom corrected. The waiter nodded and walked off. 

“Don’t like cinnamon?” you quizzed, to which Tom shrugged. 

“It’s alright, just not a big fan.” Both of you looked around the room. You had never been in the café at night, so you hadn’t even realised that the walls were covered in soft gold lights, giving it all that much more the feeling as if you had stepped into a fairytale. 

“I didn’t know this place took reservations.” 

“I’m not sure either,” Tom replied, you noticed he had his arm draped around you again, “I just called to be sure.”  

“Really?” That split you up into two. Your heart skipped a beat at the thought that he had made a special call to the café to get, probably, the best seat in the house. On the other side, you were freaking out for a few reasons. He had put in quite the effort in an almost last minute notice of plans, while you were fifteen minutes late. That was embarrassing enough. And this reservation basically put you in a spotlight for the entire business, which was really not ideal. You didn’t want to be noticed. 

“Hey,” he whispered and squeezed his grip around you lightly, “everything okay?” 

“Huh? Mhm,” you nodded your head and smiled, trying not to think about how the waiters might be judging you. 

“I saw you had posted a picture from this place on your Instagram, and I used to come here a while back, so I thought it would be cool, but if you don’t like it-” 

“It’s perfect,” you made up your mind. In the end, it didn’t matter what anyone else thought. You felt safe, sitting on the little couch, next to Tom. 

Soon after, the waiter came back with two mugs of hot chocolate. When Tom ordered large ones, they delivered. The mugs might as well have been cereal bowls, topped with a peak of whipped cream and cocoa powder, and a cinnamon stick in your cup to distinguish the two drinks. 

“Et voila!” the waiter put the cups down. You thanked him, and he was gone again.

There were spoons, but you decided to stir your chocolate with the cinnamon stick. 

Still with his arm around you, Tom took his mug up to his lips. With the feeling of having him so close to you, you wondered what this really was. What if he just wanted to be friends and spend some time with you? Had he noticed how sad and lonely you were, and did he want to take his pity out on you? Were you a charity act for him? God, you hoped not. You really really hoped not.

“Tom?” You looked at him, to see his eyes dart in your direction. His top lip was covered in whipped cream. You gestured it to him, slightly giggling, and he wiped it off with the back of his hand. How was someone that hot, so adorable? 

“You were saying?” he said, putting the mug down on the table in front of you.

“I was just wondering,” Be quick, get it over with, you’ll feel better when you say it. “is this a date?” 

“Do you want it to be? It doesn’t have to.” He added the second part quickly after.

“I- I think I do,” I smiled. Though he had just put his mug down, he picked it right back up, you did the same.

“Then a date it is.” You clinked cups. Still, something felt off. You were holding the cup up to your lips, but just far enough not to be able to drink from it. Your eyes glazed over as you focused them on the mural in front of you. It was of the Paris skyline. With the Eiffel tower in the middle, the Arc de Triomphe a bit to the left, on the other side stood the two symmetrical towers of the Notre Dame cathedral. It was probably geographically inaccurate, just good enough to keep everyone who had never been to the City of Love satisfied. 

“Okay, something’s up.” Tom brought you back to the date. “What’s wrong? And, please, be honest.” 

“I don’t know,” you huffed out a laugh. “But before you start to freak out, it’s nothing to do with you, I swear.”

“So, you kind of know what it is about.” he raised an eyebrow. He had a point. If you knew what it was not, it meant you knew what it was, indeed. 

“I, uhm,” suddenly you felt very much aware of everything and everyone around you. Were they listening? “Well, I really want to apologise for being so distant outside of Instagram.” 

“There’s really no need for that, darling,” he said. “I understand it, and should have been a bit more considerate. I should have realised sooner that bars and shit aren’t your cup of tea.. or hot chocolate.” 

You both laughed. 

“Yeah,” you were smiling, but the word came out a bit as a sigh, conveying your all the troubling thoughts that were going on in your brain.

“There’s more, isn’t there?” Tom saw through it. You bit your lip, not sure how to say it. You didn’t want to say it. He would probably think you were a joke. Besides, all those people around. Some of them from your school. They could probably hear every word you were saying.

“Do you maybe want to text it to me?” he suggested with a kind smile. You hadn’t realised when he had moved, but he had let go of your shoulders, and his hand was now on top of yours. His thumb moved slowly over your skin, reassuring you that, whatever it was, it was okay. 

How you hoped it was. 

You grabbed your phone and started to type out your message, taking a deep breath before sending it to him. You heard the vibration in his pocket, and with it, your heart skipped with anxiety. Tom kept holding on to your hand as he took out his phone and read the text. His eyes shot wide open. 

“Wait, really?” 

 _________________________________

“Never?” he asked, to which she bit her lip and shook her head. 

No, it wasn’t possible. 

“How has no one- nooo,” 

“It just… never got far enough- No, I mean, ugh,” she finally took a sip of her hot chocolate. Tom had to admit that it was cute how that was her go-to frustration action. She wiped off the whipped cream from her lip. Tom couldn’t stop looking at them, they were just so perfect. He wanted to feel her, to taste her. He wouldn’t even mind the taste of cinnamon that would have remained on them. 

“There was just never a guy that made me think, oh yeah, I want to kiss him,” she said after another sip of the hot chocolate. 

“So, you’d want to kiss me?” 

“Shut up,” she said glaring, but just to hide the big smile on her face. 

“Sorry, I just can’t believe you’ve never been kissed.” She flinched a bit at his words. “I don’t mean it in that way. You shouldn’t be ashamed of never being kissed. Sometimes it happens early on, sometimes it doesn’t. If it wasn’t for my pledge, I don’t think I would have had my first kiss till last year.” He confessed. y/n looked at him with eyebrows that had a twist of disbelief in them. 

“Yeah, right.”

“I swear,” Tom laughed, putting his hands up. “So really, no judgement here.” Then he leaned in to whisper into her ear, “and I definitely won’t mind breaking you in,” He couldn’t keep a straight face saying it, and neither could she. He had thought it would make her nervous or flushed, but she just slapped him on his arms teasingly. 

“In your dreams, Holland.” 

“Fuck, I hope so.” That made her freeze, just for a second though. “Shit, too much?” He asked, afraid he had finally taken it too far with his inappropriate humour. 

“No, you’re good.” She took another sip of her hot chocolate, allowing Tom to do so as well. 

“See, just because I’ve never been kissed, it immediately puts me under this label of being a prude or something, but I’m really not. I’ve just- had a really shitty love life.” Or just a complete lack of it.

“Well, I hope to change that.” He leaned in again and pecked her cheek. That finally got him the flushed reaction he had hoped for. 

“You already did.” 

 _________________________________

Your hand moved up to your cheek, hovering above the area that he had kissed. You felt like an idiot, but with Tom, it didn’t even feel like a bad thing. 

“We’ve known each other for less than two days, and I can already tell you, you’re way up there in the list of good dates.” 

“Way up there? Give me stats.” He nudged on. You thought for a second. 

“At least… top ten.” 

“Top five? Oh C’mon, babe, I think I’m a bit better than that. Not to toot my own horn, of course.” 

“Top five.” You said, ignoring the butterflies that had escaped in your stomach. He glared at you. You glared back, keeping your eyes on each other for another moment until he had dipped his finger in his hot chocolate and pressed it against your nose. You blinked in confusion. 

“That just moved you down to number six.” 

“Well, shit.” Tom leaned in and licked the whipped cream off your nose. As disgusting as it should have been, you burst into a fit of giggles, hiding your face in his chest to not disturb the rest of the restaurant. While you were trying to calm down, you felt Tom kiss the top of your head a few times. 

Finally, you sat up again. 

“Top three,” you stated. It was good enough for Tom. For now. 

You drank the rest of your drinks in the best silence possible that could be kept as both of you kept laughing at each other. Finally, the mugs were empty. Tom paid for everything and let you take the lead to walk outside with the umbrella. When you opened the door, however, you saw that the storm had now passed over into a light drizzle. You kept the umbrella closed. 

You were already letting yourself get taken up by the rain when Tom was outside. You thought he would come to join you, but he stayed under the little roof, watching you with a big smile. 

“Not afraid of the rain, are you?” you asked. “Or are you made of sugar?” 

“All I can say is, come and find out for yourself.” You were already a few steps away, so you hopped over to him, took his hand and took the final step, so you were touching chest to chest. His other hand found its way on your hip. You saw his eyes flicker from your eyes to your lips. You smiled and pulled him in closer, making you take a step back and exposing him to the weather. 

“Mutherfucker!” He gasped, not having expected that. “Ohh, you’re good.” 

Before you knew what was happening, he had picked you up by the waist and spun you around. You squealed from surprise before the both of you started laughing again. Eventually, he had to put you back down again, and your eyes widened in horror when you saw him walk to a large puddle. 

“No, Tom! No, no, no.!” He put you down right next to it. Probably an inch from the water edge. 

“C’mon, I’m not that mean.” he pouted. 

“Nah, you’re a softy,” you poked his cheek. He grabbed your hand. 

“Oi, I wouldn’t go that far.” then kissed the tip of your index finger, which you had poked him with a second before.

“Too late, I guess.” 

“You sure about that? You’re still really close to that puddle babe. We wouldn’t want any… accidents!” He gripped you by the waist again, and the sudden movement made you feel like he was gonna throw you down into the puddle. You shrieked but soon felt his arms still around you and no parts of your body were soaked (only moderately wet from the light rain) or on the ground. He was still holding you. 

“You never answered me,” he said, his sweet laughter was gone, and his eyes were on your lips again. 

“Answer what?” you kept looking at his face as a whole, taking in every detail. The way his nose scrunched when droplets of rain well on it. How one of his eyebrows was more bushy and irregular than the other. The dimple in his chin, his freckles- everything. 

“If you wanted to kiss me.” 

His golden-brown eyes were so warm, even in the dim street lights at night. His wet hair was sticking to his face, but framing it so nicely. His jaw was sharp, it didn’t seem like it should be real. 

“I do.”

His lips. Though thin and a bit chapped, they still felt so soft. The sweet taste of chocolate, mixed in with the rain that had fallen in the few moments that you stood outside. His hands cupped your cheeks, pulling you in closer to him. It felt so good. So right. 

You pulled away but with no idea how much time had gone by. His stands stayed in their position, his eyes searched yours for a reaction. Nothing came from it since you were still in an emotional daze. 

Tom chuckled. 

“Fuck, I should have slid into your DMs sooner.” 

“Way to ruin the mood, Holland.”

“Oh, you love it.” He said before pulling you into another kiss. 

The END

> song played in Le Moulin: Rendez-vous sous la pluie (Jean Sablon)

> Thank you for reading!! I hope you enjoyed

> please leave a comment or ask with your thoughts. i love reading them and let me know if you want to see more of this au cause i really enjoyed writing it :)

> if anyone has a comment about how it had only been a day since they met etc. i wrote this 15k story in the span of 24 hours. i wish i could have added more to it but at this point, i am physically and emotionally exhausted and do not want to make it even longer. 

>masterlist and link to taglist in bio

tagging:

@definitely-not-black-cat @artemisiaarm @nerdyhockeygirl @miraclesoflove @justasmisunderstoodasloki @thefridgeismybestie @m19friend @creative-happenings @parker-holland-osterfield @fanficparker @fanficscuziranout @peterparkoure @xxtomxo @happywolves81 @captainbuckyy @tra-gicx @qxeen-of-hearts @varshavisuu @kangaroobunny @petersunderoos96  @the-lost-fairy-tale @nerd-domland @sleepybesson @rissa067 @the-queen-procrastinator @scarletteclipze @screeching-student-unknown  @spiderrrling​ @captainpeggy40 @tomhollanders2013 @miraclesoflove @playinonaloop @queenoflostspirits @roses-hxlland @hereiamhereigo @sunnydays0803 @averyfosterthoughts @moorehollandplz @beiroviski @you-bleed-just-toknowyouarealive @peterparkerbabyyy @multifandomlover21 @lmaotshollandd @badbitchydecisions @tikapollak @awesomehritz​ @madzleigh01​ @oh-what a beautiful-parker @taciturnspidey​ @quaksonhehe​ @mountainsforwords​ @harryfobter @peepeeparkerr @viagracex​ @ethereal-beauty-p​ @slytherin-chaser​ @worldoftom​ @moonysoftt​ @peeterparkr​ @wazzupmrstark​ @saintlavrents​ @peachybloomss​ @blissfulparker​ @chloecreatesfictions-archive​  @fallinfortom​ @bitchydecisions​ @okokimfreakingoutahh @cicicantblog​ @musicalkeys​ @joyleenl​ @multifandomdoodles121 @awkwardfangirl2014​ @marvelouspeterparker​

[bonny-kookoo]

Bunny Boy (JJK x Reader)☁️⚠️🔪(💜)🔞 Part 3

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Angst, Yandere!AU, Stalker!AU, questionable romance, smut, Oneshot

Warnings: (oh boy) Stalking, Obsession, Yandere themes, cute Koo but aggressive, he ready to fight, graphic description of violence, blood, very twisted JK, oblivious! Reader, kinda Stockholm-syndrome Reader?, soft romantic lovemaking, body worship, Dom! Jungkook, Sub! Reader, Handjob (fem. receiving), oral (fem. receiving), protected sex because even with your mind scrambled up in a frying pan we still wrap it before tapping it y’all hear me STDs ain’t cute Susan

Summary: It all started with a hello kitty charm.

A/N:(IMPORTANT) I’d like to note here that I do not condone nor romanticize any of the things depicted in this. This is purely fictional, and only to be seen as a work of art, not as a depiction of real life relationships. For short: if he a creep, kick his balls, don’t kiss. Thank you.

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3

His eyes had seen the words written in neat lettering time and time again, yet he still read it again, trying to calm himself down.

They were trying to take you away.

Your parents were basically not as financially stable as you thought, basically having the audacity to ask you for money.

He was trying not to snap.

He'd known that your mother was a whore, already trying to safe your situation by digging up information he'd rather delete from his mind, forever scarred with the blasphemic image of her showing herself off to strangers on the web like a cheap commercial before a video starts, desperation being an understatement to describe her actions. Or maybe she did it only for the thrill.

She was a vile and distusting woman after all.

It was quite confusing to think of her as the woman who'd been responsible for bringing you into this world. He had a hard time believing it as he thought about your gentle and sweet nature, pure and caring while this sorry excuse of a human being did everything to play with karma it seemed.

Well, maybe he'd change his name for a day and play that role for her.

After all, she was an impatient woman he'd noticed from her constant reminding to buy obscene photos and short videos of her truly underwhelming body for an amount of money he'd rather spend on a coffee and a small breakfast to share with you, if he was being honest.

Why someone would genuinely pay for content like that was beyond him.

"I dont.. understand-" The female voice quivered on the other side of the line, making the corners of his lips turn upwards a bit as he listened to it, gaining some sort of satisfaction in knowing he'd gotten under her skin.

"Oh but I think you do." He said, voice smooth like velvet as he watched her pace back and forth in front of her admittedly bad webcam of her opened laptop. Living off of her husbands money couldn't be so luxurious he thought, if she couldn't even afford a decent laptop for the things she did whenever no one was looking.

It was truly making his saliva taste bitter merely thinking about it.

"If you think deleting your account will safe you, you're even more stupid than I initially thought." He mumbled into his phone as he saw her eyes widen, hands stalling as her gaze locked with the tiny device on top of her screen. She probably paled, yet the quality was too bad to tell for sure. "Everything has already been saved and will remain in my possession for as long as I have need of it." He stated, and clicked his tongue as she seemed to think of something to get herself out of it. "And remember; calling the police or informing any other authority will only result in you having to admit to your crimes as well. And I believe that isn't truly what you want." She snapped, hitting her table as she watched the camera, unknowing how Jungkook didn't even pay attention anymore, knowing he'd finally caught her head inside his noose.

"How much do you want?" She gritted out, and he chuckled, before clearing his throat.

"Your mindset truly disgusts me." He said, before sighing. "I don't want your fucking money."

He sat down properly again as he looked at his screen again.

"But I want you to do something for me.."

"It's nice to know that she finally found someone who can look after her." Your father stated, smiling at Jungkook who sat next to you at the table,taking your hand in his as he mirrored the gesture, spotting the way your mother tensed up in the corner of his vision, making him chuckle a bit.

"No, really, I am happy I've found her." He said, rubbing the back of his neck a bit shyly, making you giggle at his antics. Initially, you'd been a little worried when your parents wanted to meet Jungkook, not even knowing how they got to know about your relationship- your mother, however, had cleared things up for you, explaining that he'd updated them on your condition when you were in hospital. Maybe she did care, after all. "Right, angel?" He said, and you nodded, smiling with a bit of redness on your cheeks.

Absolutely divine.

"Alright, let me clean this up, You guys can head to bed, its already late." Your father said as he stood up, everyone else following after, when you'd suddenly grabbed Jungkooks plate and empty glass, smiling. Out of the corner of his he could see your mother empty her glass greedily, making him smile even wider.

Greed was a sin to be punished, after all.

"I'll do that, don't worry." You smiled, and he cooed at the sight. You were so absolutely sweet, he was always astounded at it, even though he should be getting used to it by now. He'd never get used to you, however. He nodded, giving you a kiss to your cheek as your father called for your mother, who'd been about to leave the table.

"Can you show Jungkook here where the guest room is? Help him set the bed, will you." He spoke, warmth as fake as her eyelashes as she smiled tensely, nodding towards Jungkook as he followed, comfortable with leaving you and your father alone for the moment. He wasn't a threat at all.

Your mother however, was a different story.

If she'd thought he wouldn't pick up on her dark gazes and blunt lies she truly was brainless. But then again, considering what she did with her freetime, he wouldn't be surprised to find her entirely empty.

Opening the door of the guest room, your mother closed the door behind him, slowly walking towards his back which was turned towards her, hands running over his shoulderblades as he shuddered.

But not with pleasure.

"I bet a young boy like you has stamina, heh?" She said, trying to form a seducing tone with her voice, yet failed as his eyes continued to stare forward, cold as ever as he stood unmoving, even when she came even closer. "Why would you get yourself someone like her anyways? There's nothing about her.." She chatted away, before stopping. "Wha-" She breathed out as she felt something poke her hip.

She was dead inside already, so why was she still up and walking like a zombie?

"You truly are disgusting." He murmured, turning around to hold his hand against her throat, backing her up until she could feel the wooden door against her back, chin pushing itself upwards as she looked at him with wide eyes. "To imagine that your rotten womb gave birth to an angel like her.." He said, eyes still trained on hers as he pushed a bit more, feeling and hearing her struggle, before moving away from her, snapping the knife he'd in his other hand shut to put it back inside his pocket as he opened the drawers, searching for fresh sheets. "I advise you to not ever touch me again if you want to keep your skin intact. It's nauseating enough that I have to share the same roof with someone like you tonight." He said, as he finally found what he was looking for, not caring as she swallowed hard, leaving the room and him alone, but not before running into you.

"Oh, sorry, I.. Uh, Jungkookie?" You asked, peeking into the room as his entire demeanor made a full 180 in front of your mothers eyes, body language suddenly speaking a different dialect it seemed, as he smiled, walking up to you, and leading you inside the room, closing the door with a last warning look thrown at her.

"Please angel.." He hummed against your skin, as you shyly touched his skin, making him sigh in bliss. He'd showered after his encounter with your witch of a mother, yet he couldn't help but not feel clean enough- he needed your touch, your salvation, to finally feel good again, to exorcise the demonic memories of her gut wrenching hands on his back, or her obscene words towards him. He needed your purity to cleanse him again, to give him back his wings you'd granted him.

"They won't hear." He promised, but in reality he wanted them to, craving deep down inside his being to drench the walls in your heavenly sounds, to clean this room of her presence with the help of the pleasure he was giving you. He felt you give into him with ease, smile warm and happy as his fingers entered you, knowing that he could not nestle himself inside you without sacrificing safety. And getting you pregnant was far from his mind.

No, the only thing ever being inside you would be him, and no one else.

You breathed out in sweet euphoria as he worked you with his hand, before dipping down, taking the covers with him as his tongue got in contact with your pearl, mouth feasting on you like a starving man enjoying his first meal, humming in pleasure as your hand found its way into his hair, gently tugging, never hurting.

He highly doubted you could ever hurt a fly.

And you'd never have to, with Jungkook at your side ready to soak his hands in the blood of anyone you wanted to have killed in cold murder, all of it with a smile on his face. He was ready to flood the streets in his own guts just to make more room for your praise and affection inside of him, he'd do it all for you in a time shorter than his heart could ever beat.

Your sighs turned into mewls.

He pushed your legs apart gently, hands reminiscing in the feel of your skin underneath his palms as he put even more effort into his actions, making you squirm in pleasure as your back arched like a feline stretching itself after a well deserved rest as you came undone with his touch, mouth finally parting from you, crawling upwards to your face as he kissed you, uncaring of your own residue on his lips.

You loved him.

He suddenly let out a short moan as he felt your delicate hands touch his bulge, eyes questioning as you silently asked for his permission.

Who was he to deny you anything?

As you pulled him out of his underwear he sighed at the view, your entire body showing off how lost you were with the task you'd taken on, making him smile as he began to help you, placing your hands around him in a proper way and showing you how to please him.

You learned quick.

Slowly growing more confident, you started to grip him with a bit more confidence, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear as you suddenly dipped down, making his eyes as wide as the moon before he huffed out a breath, head falling back as he could only stare at the white ceiling when your tongue touched his tip. Your soft lips took him in, inviting him inside the warmth of your mouth as you gently sucked before releasing him again, using your saliva and his own precum as lubrication for easier motions.

He was in heaven.

Of course he'd though about it, yet it seemed almost embarrassing how he fell apart so quickly under your touch, cum suddenly spurting out as he came violently, not prepared to last under such circumstances. He caught his breath, smiling apologetically as he stood up on slightly unsteady legs, reaching for some tissues inside his backpack near the bed before crawling back to you, cleaning up your face and neck with the outmost care as you suddenly spoke. "So, was that.. good?" You asked, and he scoffed, kissing you deeply before he rested his forehead against yours.

"Angel, you just sent me to heaven." He said, making you giggle as he made you lie down, cleaning between your thighs as to not make too much of a mess of the sheets.

His cum stained tissues however, he'd leave as a present for the witch to find.

If she was to wake again, that is.

"I'm so sorry, she isn't feeling well-" Your father apologized, yet Jungkook simply waved him off with a sympathizing smile. You nodded next to him, agreeing with Jungkook that this was simply a bad day for her. Everyone got sick once in a while. "I hope you have a safe trip home, and thank you for the wine Jungkook, you really have taste." He said, pale skin showing to him that he'd seemingly been affected as well. "We'll stay in touch." He told Jungkook, hugging him in a friendly manner as a form of goodbye.

He was collateral damage.

He actually liked the man a bit, noticing how calm and collected he was, even though he had to share his life with a woman such as your mother. He admired him really, for spending his time with her every day, for simply coexisting with her, without feeling the need to end his own life.

But maybe this man had exactly those thoughts he wondered, as he though about the wine bottle inside his car, evidence he'd taken with him to discard of in safe distance.

And as you both waved one last time, driving off, Jungkook only had one sentence running around inside his head as he thought of the witch that was your mother.

"This time, please just stay dead."

“I don’t have much space-“ he said, sitting on the engine hood of his car, patting his thighs as an invitation for you. “But it’s gonna be okay. I like having you close anyways.” He mused, voice low and drawled as if exhausted. You sat on his lap, legs hanging off on one side, head leaning on his chest, craving his warmth like a newborn kitten. He snaked his arms around your form, bathing in your presence in pure feelings of bliss as you sighed. He looked down on you, hand running over the top of your head. “What is it angel?” He said, worry a present undertone in his voice. You played with the buttons of his coat as he watched the sun set in front of you both, twilight slowly setting in.

“They.. won’t take me away from you, right?” You asked timidly, unknowing why this option scared you so much. Those were your parents; you shouldn’t be scared of them, should you? Yet Jungkook had told you to be wary of them, and you knew he was to be trusted- when has he ever been wrong? He only wanted your best, just like he said; he only wanted you safe and protected, and it made you feel oh so special. The pure option that you could be forced to live without him now seemed utterly terrifying, like a phobia you didn’t know you had.

“No, no angel.” He said, smile ever so present as if he’d just been gifted the thing he’d always wanted. You seemed so upset with the mere possibility of being away from him, it showed him that you had finally accepted him fully; you finally were his and his alone. “I won’t let anyone take you away from me.” He growled possessively, eyes growing cold as you leaned even closer to him, making him take a deep breath in fondness. “I’d rather die.” He whispered, and your head shot up, delicate hands on his chest, and an absolutely divine and desperate look on your face.

“Then I’ll die with you! You can’t leave me behind-“ you said, wide eyes looking at him in pure horror of the simple mention of his death, and he chuckled, brushing a piece of hair behind your ear with gentle hands, as he answered you lowly.

“Don’t worry angel-“ he said, his hand resting on your cheek, eyes watching you like a piece of art. “I’ll take you with me wherever I go.” He said, leaning in for a kiss you eagerly accepted, uncaring of how his hands gripped your waist tightly. Dangerously. And you were just as uncaring of his next words that left his lips between heated kisses.

“Even if I’d have to kill you myself.” he mumbled into you as you smiled.

You felt like Romeo and Juliet.

Or bonny and clyde for that matter.

The news should've hit you hard, yet it only left you with questions. You by now had your suspicions on what had happened, yet instead of igniting fear, it only left you with more things to wonder about. Why would he do these things?

Was he this scared to loose you that he even killed in his desperation to keep you close?

Would you one day be his victim as well?

"Angel?" He asked, standing behind you as his eyes scanned your form, noticing how you'd stopped packing your stuff, simply sitting in your old bedroom, on the floor, on your knees, in the middle of the room. "Are you okay?" He asked.

Well.. were you?

And if you were-

For how long?

Taglist:

[theramseyloft]

5/5/21 Loft Notes

Ankhou and Bird-Bird's panels have returned.

The PDFs have been uploaded into the Health channel.

His hematocrit, glucose, and creatine kinase are high, but both his vet and the specialist were fairly certain it was from stress.

Bird-Bird's high phosphorous was attributed to the number of damaged red blood cells in the draw.

Her high hematocrit and creatine kinase were attributed to stress.

Her low glucose and high calcium and total protein were attributed to her reproductive cycle (and sure enough, she's very broody)

Oh my good lord, guys.

I'm trying to search photos of Komodore tumbler nestlings to see if Abbie's lump is a breed trait.  

All the photos actually of nestlings that even slightly incorporate that breed are mine...

Thanks, Google...

Patron: "I think half to 3/4 of all pics of pigeons are yours."

"I search "ash red bar" and look at that... I recognize that pigeon.... How about "ash red COF" there again.."

"You gonna have to make a chrome addon to leave out your own results, lol"

"Sometimes I don't even know the pigeon. I just recognize your hand, nest boxes, or your window! : )"

Man, my bullshit executive function is infuriating.

"Eating food means loft work is finished and media work starts now." "No, we just had to do something we didn't expect and needed food." "Food means loft work is FINISHED!!! Media work is NOW!!!" "No. Vacuum is now." Physically cannot look away from media because "media work IS NOW!!!"

This has been going on for two hours...

I need some one to shoo me along with a broom and keep me on task until my hands pick the motions back up

I usually grab a snack in passing while working, because if I sit down to a meal, work time is supposed to be done and it takes me several hours to force myself into work mode.

I don't stop if I can avoid it because I can't start again once I do, and then get more stressed the longer it takes me to resume, because it will take me too long to finish.

Patron: "would it help if you just rode the line of doing things out of order? like designate a spot as Media Work Is "Finished" For Today so now it's time to move on in the queue, and next is vacuum"

"that way you don't have to abruptly stop media work"

"doing things Out Of Order usually stops me in my tracks too, especially if i've sat down"

If media work is done, sleep time is now, so I'll just get unwakably lethargic.

Managed to shift over to Vacuum is now.

My brain is an ass hole though, and suddenly it's painfully loud...

But quarantine is vacuumed!

And Passenger is a LOT more alert today!

He was upright when I came in and a lot less hunched and painful looking.

Onward to the living room!

Patron: "Bahaha good job google. I was looking up Giant Runts the other day and the first result that wasn't a poultry site was Dani's response to an ask about them."

Vacuuming is finished.

Dove Palace is next.

...

In the time it took me to hose the mats and gather this for the doves...

April squeezled out of this gap

And went to raid the house pigeons' feeding station.

Patron: "she looks proud of herself"

Ankhou has gotten a little thin.

I wonder if he's got a touch of busy little boy syndrome.

I don't see him visit the feeding station often.

I may add treats to his feeding station.

April is investigating Bird-Bird.

Aaaaand her nest.

April has the good sense to give Bird-Bird herself a very wide berth

Patron: "how are you gonna get her back into the cage? just wait her out?"

Right now, I'm just watching her explore, and keeping an eye on Bird-Bird and Khou.

April has never wanted out before.

She has found my knee.

She may be ready to go back in.

She eventually got brave enough to fly, booped the ceiling, and came down a bit less than gracefully on the kitchen counter.

I picked her up from there and returned her.

This is their new floor lay out.

Hopefully, she'll take the straw and they'll both quit trying to tear up their paper. (Which they inevitably drop half in the water dish to wick out it's contents and soak their floor.)

Passenger has more energy today.

The limp on his bad side is pretty heavy.

May wait one more week before we start dipping him or give his initial vaccines.

He's still afraid to eat while I'm watching, so onward to the loft.

The blog owner for vet-and-wild reached out to me about a pigeon some one brought them that "fell in oil and seems thin, but otherwise ok".  

If they can't get in touch with GLPR, I'll be looking for any one close enough that I can link them to.

Finally made it outside.

The wren is back, and is dead set on nesting in my camp chair.

Window, mirror, swing, and weight stones washed.

The newest TM peep has an eggshell window through which their little face can be seen.

We'll see the rest tomorrow.

Dirty bricks laid out.

Managed to get one decent Amiga update.

Just after replacing the mats and bricks.

THIS is what I have to clean up if I can't clean out the feeding station on Monday...

That's Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday's left overs.

Shit's heavy as hell.

Wild birds can't have any until the 19th.

At the earliest.

Patron: "Rogue is home"

That's what was left after the first pail

Woo!

Parton: "THE FIRST PAIL?"

Scroll up.

Patron: "OH GOD I’m so sorry for your back Dani"

Angel just tried to tread Lucy!

From the wrong end... But at least he tried to tread another bird!

Progress!

Angel is in one of the boxes that used to belong to Leela, singing for any ladies that he can defend it.

Cherub tread Farthing. XD

Leonard and Elliot are already flirting again, Jesus!

Aaaand they just tread.

Patron: "That mineral brick sure has worked wonders."

Right?!

Oh!

Angel is flirting with Leela!

Holy crap, so many new people interested in the rescue network!

Woo!

Holy god.

Just now done with the center of the floor

SO many messages!

I'm dying...

My booster shot is tomorrow.

I am going to be worthless!

Finally done sifting.

Today was Pay Day!

Thank you, all my wonderful Patrons, for $301.09 this month! That's far and away the most we've ever gotten!

We spent $9.16 at Lowes for 2 bags of all purpose sand ($4.24 x 2) and tax ($0.68)

Brining our PayPal balance to $428.26

[imagine-that-100]

Halloween

Description: Ross MacDonald x Reader (Female) | You and your group of friends had loved Halloween since being kids and every year you went above and beyond with your costumes. When you needed a duo costume Ross was always the one you’d go to and over the years you’d become closer and closer. And that means that feelings get stronger and stronger. But would you be in for a trick or a treat?

Word Count: 10.4k

Warnings: Game of Thrones spoilers

A/N: Happy Halloween everyone! Here’s my little treat to you all! My Ross Anon thank you so much for sending this in. This is one of my favourite fics I’ve written and I’m glad it’s for my favourite member of one of my favourite bands. Hope you all enjoy! I’d love to see some of your reactions! Thank you for reading x

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Halloween traditions had taken place between you and your friends for years. It was something you always loved to do.

Seeing how big the ‘holiday’ was in America made you wish you were over there to celebrate. Most people around your parts didn't really care so it wasn't a big deal to dress up.

Most of your other friends saw it as an excuse to have a piss up at someone’s house, which was fine, but Halloween to you was about being scary or putting actual effort into your costume. Bunny ears and devil horns paired with a slutty dress really wasn't your style.

So you were glad you had actual friends who had the same mentality as you. Not that your lad friends would have condemned you for dressing slutty but they knew you liked to go all out for Halloween. So that's what you’d always done.

Growing up on the outskirts of Manchester meant that you could always quickly and easily go into town to find yourself something. Whether that be clothes for normal days or shopping for your favourite night of the year.

You mainly had guy friends so it was quite easy to go as something fun or scary for Halloween. And you were thankful that they were as into it as you because each year you set a budget of how much you wanted to spend on a costume.  

The five of you had been friends since primary school but you’d somehow always been together for Halloween. Whether as kids that were staying at one of their houses and watching scary films after you'd been trick or treating, or eventually going out to parties... It was always the five of you.

~*~*~*~ 2003 ~*~*~*~

“What are we doing for Halloween this year?” You ask, sitting yourself down next to Matty on his settee.

“Don’t know” Matty sighs, “We need to go out and have a good around”

You look around at the other three boys who surrounded you. George already looked bored of the conversation, or perhaps he wasn't paying attention at all.

Adam looked half interested, but you could tell that he was as useless as Matty for ideas. Ross looked interested in the topic of conversation but again seemed to be no help because he was just sitting waiting for someone else to come up with something.

“I don’t mind doing face paints?” You offer, knowing you’d be decent at it. You were Fourteen and could do your makeup surprisingly well when you put your mind to it. “I think I’ll be able to do it”

“Yeah that’s good. Let’s see what costumes we can find and then you can see what face paint you can do” Ross smiles and the rest of the lads nod in agreement.

Hours later you found yourself in Manchester in the Arndale browsing the shops in search for the perfect costume. You didn't necessarily all want to go as something scary but if you weren't doing anything scary, you wanted to do something you needed to put some sort of effort into.

But maybe it wasn't the year for that and you’d have to do something like that when you were all older. You were half sure you each had a £20 note and maybe at a push one of you had an extra £5.

You were only 14 years old afterall, there weren't many ways you could get more money without begging your parents for it. And none of you were like that.

So you were all in one of the pop up shops browsing the abundance of costumes that the shop had to offer when you and Ross saw exactly what you could go as. You both paused, looked at each other and when the grin broke out on both of your faces, you had to shout the others over.

“Guys” You shout, and when they turn around to look at you, you wave them over. “I’ve got an idea”

That year you ended up going as a green ghost and the lads went as the ghostbusters. It was really fun and the pictures that you all took were all hilarious.

You’d attended one of your friends house parties and it was such a fun night. That was one of the first nights you’d got properly drunk and there was a photo of Ross almost having to pick you up and put you over his shoulder because you’d passed out and needed to get home.

You didn't remember getting home, but apparently he and George helped you back. Something which you were grateful to them for, but didn’t remember.

All you could picture from the night before was having a great time with your mates and to you that meant that you wouldn't change anything about it.

~*~*~*~ 2006 ~*~*~*~

This year, Halloween was going to be a little more difficult. You desperately wanted to go as characters from your favourite Halloween film, The Nightmare Before Christmas, but you needed one of the boys to be your Jack Skellington.

Last year you all went as the Power Rangers and you painted the masks onto each of your faces. You were the pink one, George was blue, Matty was red, Ross was black, and Adam was green.

The year before that you’d been tasked with putting your creativity to the test and you’d made really gruesome facial wounds with makeup and a wax that would stay on all your faces. You'd been really proud of it because all five of you got compliments all night and all the boys said it was your handy work.

However, you knew that this year was going to be different. You obviously wanted your Jack Skellington, but you didn't think you were going to find yourself one.

Unfortunately at the age of 17 you hadn’t yet found yourself a boyfriend. You weren't the only one so you weren't that fussed, but that just meant it would be harder for you to persuade one of your friends to be the other half of your ‘couple’ costume.

And you knew how stubborn these boys were. You knew that this year Matty and George wanted to go as Shaggy and Scooby.

Adam and his girlfriend wanted to go as Gomez and Moticia, so Adam was out of the question. So that meant that you only had one option left.

So you’d gone round to Ross’ house under the pretence of a movie night with him, to ask him if he would dress up with you. But you when you did you were half way through your second film and he was having none of it.

“Ross please” You beg him, getting onto your knees on his bed so you were blocking the TV from his view.

The brunette just shakes his head at you, “Y/N/N I don’t really want to”

You put your hands on his shoulders so he’d stop trying to look around you, “Please”

“Y/N/N” Ross sighs, before picking up the remote to pause Scream 2.  

“Ross, come on” You beg him, and you’re pleading with your eyes when you say, “I never ask you for anything and none of the other lads will do it with me”

“What so I’m your last resort?” Ross asks you with his eyebrows raised.  

“No, you’re the first person I've asked” You tell him honestly, “But I know that they definitely won't do it with me”

Ross shakes his head and gestures to his bedroom door, as if his mates were there, “Well go ask them”

“Ross please” You’re just fully begging now, “I’ll do anything”

A smirk makes its way onto the brunette's face then. He also raises his eyebrows suggestively when he asks, “Anything?”

“Almost anything” You roll your eyes.

You and Ross had been weirdly flirting with each other now and again over the past few months. You think he started doing it more when he complimented you on how you looked and when you went all shy and flustered on him, he enjoyed it.

So here you were now months down the line, probably a lot closer friends because of it too, and he was flirting with you whilst you both sat on his bed.

Ross’ smirk gets impossibly bigger and you can hear the suggestive tone when he grins, “You know you want to Y/N/N”

You scoff a little, “Ross MacDonald the only way you'll get me into bed is if you somehow make me stop thinking of you as my friend”

“Kiss me then and see if it changes your mind” Ross tells you confidently, moving a little closer to you, but not so much that he made you want to retreat.  

“I’m not kissing you” You shake your head, your jaw a little agape until you can control yourself a little better.

You weren't expecting him to say that of all things today. This was the most overt he’d been in his flirting with you.

Ross usually liked to do it when the other guys were around, so you would get all flustered. You thought it was in hopes that one of your other friends would notice and call you out on it and ask you why.

But there had also been lingering touches too. For example, when you hugged him he would hold you for the slightest bit longer, and other times he would find a way to innocently get his hands on you, but the subtle acts of affection would have your heart rate double in speed.

“Kiss me and I'll go as Jack Skellington with you next week” Ross tries to bargain dropping the cocky act, just hoping that you would actually kiss him.

He can tell just by the way you’re looking at him that you were flustered and didn't know what to do. You more than likely didn't believe him either but he really wanted to try his luck.

Ross could also practically see the cogs whirring around in your head trying to think of a way out or an alternative to the ultimatum he just gave you. But he could see how desperate you were just a few minutes earlier.

“Don't try and think of a way around it, I just won't do it. I'll go as Jack Sparrow like I was meant to” Ross tells you and you know he’s serious.

You think about it for a few seconds and you know he’s not going to change his mind. So you give in, “Fine” and offer his hand to shake, as if it was a real business transaction.

Ross takes your hand and shakes it and you can tell he is about to smirk at you. You could practically see it rising to his lips, so to stop that you remove your hand from his after you’d completed the shake and you hold your index finger up at him.

“But you get your kiss on Halloween” You tell him.

And his entire face falls, “That wasn't the deal”

You're a little proud of yourself for making him drop his cocky act, so you tell him with a smirk, “You didn't specify when you wanted the kiss… And you already shook on it, you have to live up to your end of the deal now and be my Jack Skellington”

“Then shake my hand again to promise me that I'll get my kiss on Halloween” Ross says, holding his hand out to you.

You hold back your smirk as you take his hand and shake it.

Before either of you knew it October 31st was upon you and Ross had just walked into your bedroom. You already had all your face and body paint out ready to get started, so you were eager that your friend had finally arrived.

“Sit down, sit down” You usher him in and to sit on your desk chair.

You prep him on everything you were going to do and Ross seemed fine with everything. He was just glad that it was finally Halloween and he would get his kiss from you today.

“Am I okay to gel your hair back?” You ask him, sitting opposite him on your bed.

Ross shuffled himself towards you because he knew you’d want him closer than he was on your chair in the middle of your room now. He smiles at you and says, “I mean, you’re going to do it anyway even if I say no”

“You’re right” You grin and get yourself to work.

You’d been working on his face for half an hour now and you had the base of his face down and outlines drawn, you just needed to add all the darker stuff before you add in your detail.

“Do you enjoy doing this?” Ross asked you over the music that you’d both put on.

You’d just been in a little trance as you worked on the area just under his eyes and he couldn't help but admire you as you worked. He knew that you'd do an excellent job as you always did with your Halloween stuff.  

You’d always made them all look good.

“Yeah” You grin, looking away from the lines you are drawing and into his brown eyes, “You know how much I love Halloween”

“I mean doing makeup on people” Ross corrects himself, smiling at you a little seeing your Y/E/C eyes wander from his brown ones back to whatever art you were creating on his skin.

He was genuinely interested. Half the time he thought you were going to abandon your career ambitions of being a music producer to become a makeup artist. Sometimes when you walked into the room he’d be floored by how beautiful you looked with your makeup on.

He had the exact same reaction to when he saw you with your makeup off though.

“I mean I don’t mind it but I don’t want to do it unless it’s for Halloween” You tell him honestly, trying your best to concentrate on the dark lines you were creating around his eyes. “Like I wouldn’t paint kids faces at parties and stuff like that”

Ross nods when you move back to get some more face paint on your brush. He feels the need to assure you, “You’re really good at it”

You grin when you turn back towards him, “Thank you”

Another half an hour goes by and you've moved on to around his mouth, trying to get all the teeth painted on his lips and up onto his cheeks. Jack Skellington had a huge toothy smile and you were going to do your best to replicate that on your friend.

You were just glad he didn't have his beard that he so desperately wanted to grow, or this would be nothing but a fantasy. The conversation moves on to this ‘holiday’ as Halloween was both yours and Ross’ favourite day of the year.

“What are we going as next year?” Ross asks you as you get more paint on your brush again.

Ross had to be very aware of when he could speak as he knew you’d murder him if he ruined the art that you were putting onto his body. You’d hate him even more if he did it before you even got to the party.

You try your best to think of different duo Halloween costumes, but you couldn’t really think of much. You shrugged before randomly picking, “We could go as Woody and Jessie?”

Ross nodded a little, “That’s a fun one”

You both threw a few ideas out but Woody and Jessie seemed to be the preferred choice over them. Or that was the case until you had a brain wave.  

“Oh, you know what would be good?” You ask, removing your brush away from his skin so he could get excited the same way you were.

Ross raised his now non existent eyebrows at you, and smiling at you seeing you bounce a little on your bed getting excited at whatever idea you’d just had. Your grinning like a mad woman when you say, “Kim Possible and Ron Stoppable”

Ross’ jaw dropped at that great idea. He loved it. “Oh my god, yes! Let’s do that”

“Okay sorted” You grin before you finish off his makeup by adding extra details with eyeshadow to create more definition where it was needed.  

Another two hours went by and you were all Sally’ied up. And Ross wasn't shy with his compliments of what you’d created too.

All you had left to do was spray the top of Ross’ hair white and then put your costumes on. You’d gone all out with the costumes too, Ross had the striped suit and you had the patchy dress.

You loved these characters so much that you’d gone all out on body paint to make your arms blue, like the colour of Sally’s skin in the film, and you’d got tights that were blue too. You’d also got a decent wig and you could safely say that you were proud of what you’d created.

And you had to admit to yourself that Ross looked really good, especially in his suit.

When you were both dressed and ready to head downstairs to inevitably take pictures, Ross stopped you by your bedroom door. He was holding your waist when he asked, “So when do I get my kiss Sweetheart?”

“MacDonald you have to be joking” You shake your head at him, “We’ve been in here five hours, I’m not ruining our makeup just to kiss you”

“So when do I get it?” He was persistent and wanted an answer, and he was certain that you’d be flushed if your skin wasn’t painted blue.

“We have all night Ross” You remind him, “And I’m certainly not ruining either of our faces before we get to that party”

Ross lets you slip out of his grasp knowing you were right and it really would be a waste of time if you ruined your hard work before your other friends got a chance to compliment you on it.

When you both headed downstairs you got so many pictures with him it was unreal. It was truly a surprise he didn't want to escape you by the end of the night, because you’d been forced into a bunch more at the party too.

But Ross was still hanging around you, always ready to include you in a conversation that he was roped into, ensuring you were never left out. It had been a nice night and surprisingly uneventful.

All except for Ross’ lingering touches and tight holds. You didn't mind per say because you were drinking and if anyone questioned you on it you could just blame it on that.

Because there was no way in hell you’d be telling anyone that you liked the way it felt to have Ross hold you against his side like you were his. He was your friend who found it funny to flirt with you at the end of the day, and nothing more.

You certainly wouldn’t be jeopardizing that to find out if it was anything more.

But apparently your dearest friend didn't hold those same worries as you.

When you went around telling everyone that you were going home around 3am because your taxi was about to arrive, Ross followed you outside. Partly making sure you got in the car okay, but also partly for selfish reasons.

“Where’s my kiss?” Ross asked you after the door closed behind him, seeing you stood near the end of the driveway.

“Oh Ross” You cooed, walking over to him to cup his cheek. He looked down at you like he was confused and to be fair to him, he had every right to be. “Thought you’d have learnt by now MacDonald…”

“I said I’d kiss you on Halloween” You remind him, and Ross nods understanding that.

“It is Halloween” He says, looking at you like you’d lost the plot.

There was a little bip of a car horn then which made you turn around to signal 1 minute to the driver. When you turn back around to your close friend, you leant up to whisper into his ear.

“I didn't say I'd kiss you this Halloween” You grin, letting your lips brush against his ear as you said it.

When you move out of his grasp though, you send him an evil knowing smirk before you head over to your taxi. And Ross hated that this had been your plan all along.

So you left him there, outside the party with his jaw locked, and a little fuming at you that you’d played him like that. But he couldn't even bring himself to be angry at you for more than the 2 minutes he stood there watching the taxi drive away.

He’d practically spent the full day with you and he’d loved every second.

~*~*~*~*~*~

After that night Ross and you always did Halloween together no matter what. And those nights with each other were some of the best nights of both of your lives.

Despite Ross still not getting his kiss, even when it wasn’t Halloween.

2007 you both went as Kim and Ron like you’d agreed and the year after that you both made an appearance as Jessie and Woody from Toy Story. The next few years after that you all went back to group costumes.

2009 saw you all as the characters from the Wizard of Oz. You went as Dorothy, Ross was the lion, Matty was the scarecrow, Adam was the tinman,and George was Toto.

2010 you all went as the ghosts from Pac-Man which was quite fun running about chasing each other for half the night. The year after, you all went as Spongebob characters which was amusing when you did the voices all night.

In 2012 you all went as the Avengers which was amazing. You went as Black Widow, Ross went as Thor, Adam went as Hawkeye, Matty was Captain America, and George was Iron Man.

2013 resulted in you and Ross reverting back to your duo costumes and you went as Jack Sparrow and Elizabeth Swan. The following year you went as Alice and the Mad Hatter but you made the characters slightly more gory with your makeup.

2015 saw you and Ross as a couple from The Purge but then the other lad jumped on the bandwagon and bought masks along with you. So the year again resulted in a really fun group costume.

But in 2016 there was a bit of a debate over Halloween because the guys were on their US tour. And that obviously meant that this was the first year you’d be alone this time around.

Or so you thought.

“Y/N/N come on” Ross pleaded with you over the phone.

“Ross I can't just fly out to America” You say still really shocked that he’d asked you to join them on tour.

Ross is adamant though, “Yes, you can”

“I can't” You tell him shaking your head as if he could see you.

There was no way you could be out of the studio for that long. You were trying to finish producing Wolf Alice’s upcoming album, and you all wanted it done as soon as possible and you were only at the beginning of the process now.

“You can” Ross tells you sternly, “I’ve already asked Jamie to give it you off and he said it's fine”

“Ross” You scorn him, “You can't do that”

You couldn’t believe you he’d gone above your head and asked Jamie.

“Well I can and he was fine with it. He said that the band needs a break from it anyway” Your best friend tells you, and he follows up with, “I'm sorry but it’s done now and your ticket is paid for”

“Ross” You gasp.

You had no idea he’d booked the ticket.

“Y/N, I've spent the last fifteen years doing Halloween with you and the fact that we have a show on Halloween means that you can’t not come and see it. And Hann has made it massively Star Wars themed so we're all dressing up on stage for the night ” Ross tells you, ”You can't not dress up and come to the show with us”

“Are you sure?” You ask after a few moments in complete shock.

But the more you thought about it, the more you wanted to spend your favourite night of the year with him. You hadn’t seen him in person since early July and now it was the last week of October.

“Of course I’m sure Y/N/N” Ross tells you and you can hear how sincere he’s being.

“There'd literally be no point in me doing this Halloween show if you weren't there at the side of the stage, in a costume of your own, cheering me on” You can practically hear his smile thinking about it and it just gets you excited too.

“What am I even going to go as, apart from the obvious ones? There's not a lot of female characters in Star Wars and I'm assuming Matty is going as Princess Leia” You say with a massive grin on your face.

To be honest you could picture Matty taking the piss and showing up at her. It would be quite amusing.

Ross let out a loud laugh at what you said and you were silently giggling to yourself at the thought of it. He informed you that John was actually going as Leia and that thought alone had you in fits of giggles.

You had a massive grin on your face and it didn't leave as Ross told you that Matty was going as Kylo Ren, Adam was obviously going as Han Solo (you laughed more than you'd care to admit when he told you that), George was going as a Luke Skywalker in the Red 5 pilot outfit and Ross was going as Chewbacca.

“Ross you‘re going to be sweating so much” You laugh.

“Yeah I know but it's going to be so fun” He grinned, wishing he could see you get excited over Halloween, “And afterwards, when we go out, I'm going as Poe so I'll be alright after my shower”

You ask him curiously, “What do you want me to go as?”

“Personally...” Ross started, trying to contain the grin breaking out on his face, “I’d like to see you as Leia in that gold bikini”

“Course you would” You grin shaking your head even though he couldn't see you.

And you were glad he couldn’t because you could feel that your cheeks were hot.

The flirting between you hadn’t stopped over the years. It obviously did when you were both in relationships but it always creeped back in when you were both single.

“How about we go with Rey, if she hasn't been taken?” You suggest, remembering that her outfit in the film was pretty cool.

“She hasn't been taken, no, but I’d really like you to go as slave Leia” Ross informs you and you can hear his smirk.

Your jaw drops but you don’t let that affect you. You fire back, as if he didn’t just make you silently gasp, “We don't always get what we want”

“I know“ Ross grins, “I’ve been waiting for my Halloween kiss for the past decade”

You giggle, “Are you still not over that?”

“Absolutely not, you left me there absolutely gutted. Seventeen year old me is still injured” Ross tells you and you can hear the humour in his voice.

“Well Ross, maybe if you didn't get a girlfriend the next year you’d have got it then” You tease.

Ross just gasps though, “Says you! You’re the one who was in a relationship for five years after that”

“Don’t say that like you were left out” You say a little offended. “Halloween has been, and always will be, mine and yours’ thing... Still dressed up with you every single year and I have done since I can remember”

Ross mumbles, “I know” a few times and you settle into a small comfortable silence. You liked it when you were just aware of the others presence and that you could speak up when you wanted to.

“I‘m glad you're coming this year… It means a lot Y/N/N” Ross tells you genuinely.

You smile hearing him say that. You bit your bottom lip to stop yourself from fully grinning.

You tell him honestly but say it as a little joke, “I'm glad I don't have to spend it on my own”

You chat for a little longer, getting as much out of the phone call as you could. With you busy during the day with work, it left you tired most nights and with Ross in America at least 5 hours behind you, there weren't many nights you found yourselves able to talk to each other.

But when you’re wrapping up your conversation, you think back to your costume for this year. “Okay so we're in agreement on my costume then?”

“Yeah of course” Ross tells you, “I’ll order you the slave Leia costume now, just send me your sizes”

You can hear his suggestive smirk and it makes you smile but you sternly tell him, “Rey, Ross...I’m being serious”

“Whatever Princess” Ross grins, “I’ll see you soon”

~*~*~*~

The concert in Pittsburgh was amazing and was easily their best and funniest gig you'd been to. You were standing at the side of the stage and you couldn't stop laughing the entire time.

Partly because you were watching Matty walk around with a lightsaber on stage like it was always meant to happen and because Hann was Han Solo and you found it a lot funnier than you should have. But also partly, and mostly, because you were watching Ross play bass in a fucking Chewbacca costume.

It was everything you didn't know you needed in your life.

It was so fun earlier watching them all get changed. It was like a new lease of life before they all went on stage.

You hadn’t seen them like this before and it was really refreshing to see all of your friends so energised before a gig. It was unusual because usually it was a calm before the storm atmosphere, but this time it was the complete opposite.

Matty was waving his lightsaber around like he was a Jedi Knight or a Sith Lord and to be fair to him he was pretty good at it. You’d been surprised multiple times when he hadn't dropped the thing to the ground.

George, dressed in his orange jumpsuit, was standing on the settee that was backstage and he was jumping all over it like he was in an X-Wing trying to make his way through the Kessel Run. He was acting crazy, like Michael Scott from The Office in the parkour scene, except with Star Wars sound effects being released from his lips.

Adam was just as bad getting his blaster out of his holster every few seconds to try and make George dodge the shots he was ‘firing’. But unsurprisingly the loudest one of them all was your Wookiee who was making the Chewbacca noise at the top of his voice.

God help him when he had to sing ‘End of your cigarette’ later on.

They dragged you into being loud too. You were dressed in Rey's costume, obviously from The Force Awakens, a film you’d seen many times with this bunch.

So you really shouldn't have been surprised when Matty dragged you into a lightsaber fight like you really were the characters who you were dressed up as. You’d been fighting for a few minutes, trying your best to actually fight but also trying not to break the lightsabers you had.  

“Are you really trying to use the force right now?” You laugh as you circle each other, watching Matty as he held his hand up in the air at you.

Matty grinned, “Thought choking you might distract you”

“The thought might do if you were Adam Driver. But alas… You're just Matthew Healy” You shrug the comment off.

He had nothing on Adam Driver.

“Sorry, I'll get your Chewie over here to do it to you instead” Matty teased, his tongue teasingly sticking out a bit, knowing about the weird flirty relationship between you and Ross.

You shook your head at the curly haired man before you started fighting with him again. This time with a little more incentive to injure him.

Unfortunately though, he was saved by the bell and it was showtime. You wished them all luck before you made your way to the side of the stage so you could watch the new and improved movie titles move up the screen.

You loved every single second of this concert. You were so glad you’d been invited and you came.

During the break between the encore Ross had come over to you to tell you that everyone was coming on stage who was dressed up and he told you that you had to as well. You agreed but there was no way in hell you’d be doing it.

You just told him what he wanted so he’d leave you to it and so he could get back to his job. However when the end of the gig was upon you, and you were refusing to come out, Ross came over to the side of the stage and pulled you on to the centre with Matty, George, and Adam along with the rest of the crew and you were just all stood there cheering along with the crowd.

The night had been amazing and certainly one you’d never forget. You were watching your best friends perform on stage in Pittsburgh and they were dressed as Star Wars characters.

It was mental and you loved every second.

When you all walked off stage and got into a more spacious room everyone spread out, but you were still in Ross’ arms. He pulled you into a hug when you walked to the side of the large room and you hugged your Wookiee back.

You could feel how hot he was through his costume and you honestly weren’t surprised. You raised your hands up to remove his mask for him and your jaw dropped when you saw his face underneath.

One, because he was the sweatiest you’d ever seen him, and two, he looked so fucking good. The fine layer of sweat that coated his skin made him look like he was glowing, his hair was a little matted against his forehead but it held in a way that just looked very attractive to you.

And when his brown eyes connected with your Y/E/C ones, your heart skipped a beat. You could see that he was full of adrenaline, completely happy, and buzzing with excitement.

“You’re so sweaty, oh my god” You gasp, biting your bottom lip in an attempt to not comment again.

“You love me so you shouldn't care” Ross said as he pulled you into another warm hug.

Of course, you hugged him back, letting his mask fall to the floor as you did so. When your arms went tight around his neck, you said, “Yeah I do love you, but I’ll love you more after your shower”

“You‘re dripping wet” You say, brushing your hand down his chest on the fur on his costume from the sweat that coated your hand when you held the back of his neck to hug him.

Ross smirked down at you then, “You sure that's not you seeing me in this wonderful outfit?”

“Oh yeah” You play along, grinning up at him, making no moves to get out of his steady hold on you, “Chewbacca’s fit as fuck”

Ross chuckles down at you then and you see his gaze flick to your lips for a brief second. It seems to spark a memory on his mind because a second later he asks you, “Can I have my kiss now then Darling?”

“Go and have a shower and I’ll think about it” You tell him with a little smirk over the noise of the busy room.

“Want a kiss on my cheek before I go” He tells you with a torturous smirk.

God he looked so good. But you didn’t want to give in that easily.

“You‘re all sweaty Ross” You protest and try and move out of his grip.

His hold on your just tightens though so your stuck against his body as he says, “I‘m not letting you go until I get it”

“Fine” You shake your head before looking back at his glistening cheek.

You lean up and you quickly place a kiss on his left cheek. The top of his beard prickles the bottom of your lip, but it just makes you all the more aware that it is your best friend Ross who you were kissing.

“And the other cheek” Ross tells you when you pull away.

He’d never been such a needy person with you before. When Ross came home each time of course you always gave him a massive hug and a kiss on the cheek.

But something was different about it right here and right now. And you both knew that.

“What are we? French?” You giggle a little.

“If you wanna French kiss me Y/N, you’re very welcome to” Ross grins down at you and you can’t help but laugh.

Your cheeks were definitely getting hotter but you couldn’t find it in you to care when he held your hips the way he was doing. You just tried to remain calm under his intense gaze.

“Pushing your luck now” You chuckle.

“Fine” Ross smiles but turns his head, “Kiss on the cheek”

You lean in to kiss his right cheek expecting to get the same fine layer of swear on his smooth skin with the top of his beard prickling your lip again. But instead you're met with his lips because Ross had turned his head at the last second to make sure he finally got his Halloween kiss.

It’s only a peck but your eyes widen from it and when you pull away, your jaw has dropped. Ross is the complete opposite though. He’s completely overjoyed that his little trick had paid off and he lets you go and jumps away from you.

It was the reaction you’d expect from a man who’d had a hard life winning the lottery and never having to work again. It was like his dreams had come through.

Ross teased you about it for a good two minutes, watching as you grew more flustered with every passing comment. He loved your reaction to him though, he would forever enjoy making you stumble on your words because of something he did.

When Ross rushed off to his dressing room to have a shower you stayed behind not wanting to be in anyone’s way. It was also an attempt to control yourself again.

You managed to peel your jaw off the ground when you sat yourself down on a random railing that was in the concrete room as you waited for your friends to rejoin you. You knew how eager everyone was to get to this party, so you were quite excited to spend the night with them.

But as you rested on this railing you slipped into your thoughts. And that was started by a simple old habit of yours that was your tongue wetting your lips.

When your tongue made contact with your lips you weren’t expecting the salty taste you found there. You realised quickly that the new taste on them had been left there from when your lips pressed to Ross’ skin. But the more you thought about it, it just lurred you deeper down the rabbit hole.

It made you wonder if that’s what his skin would taste like when you pressed a kiss to his neck after having some fun with him in his bed. Is that what his lips would taste like after you’d both coaxed an orgasm out of each other and you were basking in the feeling after it by attaching your lips to his?

You’d been having these thoughts for a while. The ones that questioned if you or Ross could be something more than you already were without ruining anything between you.

You spoke to him all the time, he was your confidant, someone you trusted wholly. But could you trust him with your heart?

You didn't know.

About an hour later, you were out at the bar that they had privately hired for the whole crew to have an awesome night and it truly was one. Halloween music played through the speakers and you already knew it was your favourite Halloween to date.

Everything about it was special. The setting, the amount of effort that had gone into it, the costumes, and the company.

You and your friends were all tipsy now. Whilst most of the crew was up on the dancefloor, you little group of friends were sat in a booth, just absorbing in the atmosphere and enjoying the conversations you were having.

You were also happy that Ross hadn’t shied away from you after earlier on. Not that you thought he would have done, but you were really glad he was acting the same flirty way with you even after he’d got his kiss.

“You look really good” Ross’ lips brushed your ear as he told you over the loud music.

You grin, leaning into his side a bit more, “Thank you”

You'd always liked to toy with him so you told the freshly showered man a lie, “You looked better with the Chewie mask on”

“Y/N” Ross’ jaw dropped, “I’m appalled”

You tipsily giggle, “I’m only joking”

You let your eyes wander up and down his new attire and his freshly gelled hair until your eyes find his again, “You make a good Poe Dameron”

“As good as Oscar Isaac?” Ross asks, despite knowing the way you just looked at him was a lot more than just checking his costume.

“You do well, Ross” You grin at him but then his smile turns into a teasing knowing smirk.

So you hold up a finger at him, “Don’t make me retract my compliment because you’re getting cocky”

“I got my kiss. Can’t help but be a bit cocky” Ross pulls you into his side a bit more and again you make no attempt to stop him.  

“You mean you stole your kiss” You tell him with a knowing look.

That information didn’t seem to be important to him though, because Ross grins at you as he says, “But I got it is the main thing”

“You may have got a better one if you just waited” You tell him.

Patience is a virtue afterall.

Ross shakes his head though, “I don’t think I could have taken another year of waiting”

You grin, sort of liking knowing that he wanted to kiss you, “Got the patience of a saint, haven't you?”

“Well…” Ross smirks, ”You know me”

A few hours pass and you’re now standing just beside the table that held all your groups empty glasses and you hugged your friend close to you. Your arms were around Ross’ waist and his were around your shoulders, both drunkenly just enjoying the other's hold and company.

You both just stood there people watching for the longest time. Looking at Matty still wafting that stupid lightsaber about whilst Adam looked like he was on top of the world because he was finally his favourite character.

You think George had disappeared off for a smoke but you didn’t care much. You just felt completely content with your arms around your best friend and your face resting against his chest.

Standing there watching all your friends mess around with the crew having the best time just made your heart swell. You felt so lucky to be a part of their lives and you were thankful you’d stayed close friends with them all.

It seemed like a full lifetime ago that you were sitting in your bedroom turning Ross into Jack Skellington. Yet now you were here stood somewhere in Pittsburgh, in his arms and you honestly didn’t want to be anywhere else on your favourite night of the year.

Or any night of the year for that matter.

You pick your head up off his chest and look up at him. Ross’ drunken eyes meet yours and he gives you his adorable lazy grin all while feeling his hand absentmindedly run up and down your back. You couldn’t help but grin back.

“Thank you for bringing me here” You tell him, looking into beautiful brown eyes.

“Thank you for coming” Ross told you, “Don’t know what I’d do without you, especially today”

You felt your heart skip a beat at how genuine he was being with you. You knew he was being sincere with you

“Don’t know what I’d do without you in general” You tell him.

Ross stops caressing your back then and his hold on you goes firm, almost like he wanted you to really understand what he’s about to tell you next.

“You don’t ever have to find out” He tells you and you feel like you could just cry in happiness.

You do something then that Ross never believed would happen. But here you were removing your arms from around his back, reaching them up to the back of his neck and pulling him down so you could kiss him.

The moment your lips met it was like they were always meant to be attached. The peck before had been teasing but you both knew that this was the real deal.

As your lips moved against his, you felt his hold on you tighten which you encouraged by letting your fingers lace into the back of his hair that was in desperate need of a cut. You wanted him, you wanted more of him, and you were thankful Ross seemed to want more too because he deepened your kiss.

When your tongue met his, you both melted into each other. You didn’t want to be anywhere else in the world other than with him in the exact situation you were in now.

The way the butterflies erupted in your stomach was a clear indication that you obviously felt more than just friendship towards Ross. And the fact that your heart beat always picked up in his presence was another giveaway.

You were surprised you weren’t currently having a heart attack because you could feel how fast your heart was beating. And you’d only ever felt like this when you kissed someone you truly liked.

So the answer to your question of ’if you could trust Ross with your heart or not’ was something you truly didn't know. But then another question came from that which was, ‘Were you filling to find out?’

And from this kiss alone you knew that you were willing to give him everything.

~*~*~*~ 2019 ~*~*~*~

“Can you just let me do this to you please” You beg the brunette.

“You can do whatever you want to me if you stay sat like that” Ross says suggestively with a massive smirk on his face.

You were currently straddling his waist in an attempt to get a start on his Halloween makeup. It was the only way you could get him to stop moving and he evidently wasn’t complaining about the position.

“Ross” You shake your head at your boyfriend of almost 3 years. “I‘ve sat like this plenty of times with a lot less clothes on and you've been less suggestive then”

Ross just rolls his eyes at you, but his suggestiveness stays, “Maybe I just want you like that now with a lot less clothes on”

“You can wait till later on” You tell him, picking up your sponge that held the white face paint.

“But I want you now Darling” Ross purred into your ear after leaning forward and nuzzling your neck.

“Macdonald, stop it” You tell him sternly when you feel him begin to trail kisses down your neck.

However, you made no attempt to actually get him to move away. You liked the feeling of his lips on your skin too much.

“You‘ve never once told me to stop kissing your neck and I don't intend to start doing now” Your boyfriend tells you, his kisses becoming a little more possessive on your skin.

“Ross” You sigh.

It was a little half hearted telling off though because you put the sponge back down and tilted your head a little to let him carry on the pleasurable actions. Who wasn’t a sucker for neck kisses?

“Y/N” Ross grins against your skin, evidently loving that he knew you weren’t going to stop him just yet.

After another minute, you had to call time, “Okay, you've had your fun”

You use the hand that wasn’t covered in white paint to pull on his hair and remove his lips from your skin. You look into his brown eyes and give him a silent warning before you air a verbal one.

“Let me finish you off” You tell him picking your sponge back up.

You’d only covered his forehead. You needed to get a move on, the party was in 5 hours and when you practiced the look you were going for, it took you 2 hours to do it on yourself.

“Stand up a second and let me get my pants off then” Ross teases and he makes you release a noise that was something between a scoff and a gasp.

“You know I mean your face paint, you horny bastard” You say slapping his chest which makes him laugh.

You were really good at creative makeup, a skill that you were so glad you’d stumbled across all those years back after buying the same shitty costumes got boring. You were going as clowns this year and you didn't want to go as Pennywise or anything so you just decided to have a mess around with the makeup that you had.

George was throwing the party this year and obviously you and Ross were going as a matching pair like you’d been doing for years. Except this time you and Ross were obviously an actual couple, like you were last year too.

You shouldn't have been so stubborn for so long with refusing to kiss him, because on Halloween night all after his concert you’d barely been apart since. Your relationship started at the end of that American tour and you’d been with him happily ever since.

About an hour into you painting his face, Ross asks you, “What's your favourite costume of ours been?”

“I don't know” You say, still concentrating on trying to turn him into a scary jester. “I thought Mario and the gang was fun last year”

Matty and George went as Mario and Luigi, you were Princess Peach and Ross was Donkey Kong and Adam was Waluigi. It had been hilarious and one of your favourite ones, mostly because you pissed about all night, and Matty kept stealing you from Ross, like a role reversal of the actual game.

“I thought that the year before as the Game of Thrones characters was good” Ross thought out loud and you had to agree.

“Yeah... To be honest, I enjoyed being Daenerys and you were a good Night King” You smiled at the memory, applying the layers of paint to Ross’ skin delicately now.

“I can’t believe how amazing you did my make up that year. Like everyone didn't know who i was” Ross couldn’t help but grin.

He’d been so over the moon to be in amazing makeup that you’d created, and at the same time he was so proud of you being so clever. He truly thought he had the perfect girlfriend, there was no way you could get any better.

“That may have been because you clean shaved for it though” You think out loud and smile when you add, “When I woke up the next morning I was like ‘Where's my Ross gone?’”

“Yeah yeah, I remember you begging me to grow the beard back” Ross once again finds himself smiling which you meant you had to stop decorating his skim for a moment.

His smile was award winning, you loved looking at him when he smiled.

“Was back by Christmas” You grin. “I love it... You know I do” You grin, scratching his beard a little and Ross gives you that loving smile he always has done when you do that to him.

“The memory of that Halloween was better before the last season with the Dani and Jon thing” You say as you get back to business, adding more detail to his pretty, but now slightly spooky face.

“Yeah” Ross agrees, “You’re mine, not Matty’s”

“Yeah well, he had the curly hair so it made sense, and we weren't to know they’d shag” You chuckle a little.

Ross laughs a little then, telling you, “I’m still not over george going as Drogon”

“Don’t” You burst into a fit of giggles.

It truly had been an amazing night.

But not as amazing as the night you were about to experience.

“You’re the prettiest clown I’ve ever seen” Ross told you once you came down the stairs in your shared home, in your costume and full face of makeup.

“Thank you” You grin.

You liked that you’d make the both of you pretty spooky, and the detail that was on both of your faces actually made you proud. You liked that you were good at something and the fact that that thing was Halloween makeup made you even happier.

“You look a hell of a lot better than any other clown I’ve seen too” You grin at your boyfriend, pulling your clown up from the settee.

“I don’t know how much of a compliment that is considering we know of Twisty from American Horror Story and Pennywise from IT”

“Well” You shrug your shoulders pulling him towards the front door, “You’re a pretty clown”

You were running slightly late and you wanted to make the most of your night. After all Halloween was the best night of the year.

Before you make it outside though, Ross pulls you back towards him and says, “Give us a kiss” and he leans in to attach his lips to yours.

The pre-drinks had evidently gone to his head because that wasn’t going to happen.

“Woah, wait” You say, placing your hand on his chest, “Absolutely not Ross, the facepaint!”

He doesn’t seem to care though because he goes in to kiss you again and you almost screech, “Ross!”

He looked a little hurt by your rejection but in hindsight he should have known you’d deny him the simple pleasure of your kisses. It was your favourite night after all and you never let anything ruin it.

“I’m being serious, you can kiss me every other night of the year, but until we are back here later on after the party your face is allowed nowhere near mine” You tell him, giving him a pointed look.

Ross should have known you’d never give in to your little ultimatum, no matter how obvious he made it that he wanted your kisses. But Ross had a plan of action for that.

A plan that had been prepared even before you’d denied him kisses today though. And about 4 hours into the party when you were both a little tipsy Ross put his plan into motion.

“Oh” Your boyfriend say, grabbing your attention, ”I forgot, I got you something for our anniversary”

You furrow your eyebrows, “Ross, it’s not for another month”

He’d officially asked you out towards the end of November when his tour finished and you obviously said yes. You’d been acting like a couple since that Halloween anyway but you just didn’t label it for a few weeks.

You’d been over the moon when he asked though.

“Well, the anniversary of when I got my kiss then” Ross corrects himself, taking your hand in his.

“Right okay” You giggle, loving that he remembered.

“How did you get whatever it is here?” Your curious self asks as you follow Ross into George’s back lounge away from the crowd of people in the other room.

The only people in this room were the rest of the band and their significant others, along with Jamie and John. Seems like you all wanted to escape from the noise of the booming speakers in the other room.

Ross turns to you a little when he tells you, “Had to keep it hidden from you, didn’t I? Or you’d have found it”

You grin, knowing he was right. You were too nosy for your own good.

Ross let’s go of your hand just before he reaches George’s bookshelves and you smile at your adorable boyfriend when he reaches up and pulls too balloons down.

Ross then holds out two balloons to you, as if they were ice cream cones. Both balloons were orange with pumpkin faces on them but one said trick underneath and the other said treat.

Your cute boyfriend asks you, “Trick or treat?”

“Treat” You smile and Ross seems happy with your choice.

He tosses the other balloon away and it falls to the floor silently. Ross keeps your attention and then hands you a shitty kiddy Halloween spider pin that’d also been on George’s shelf.

“Use the needle on this to pop the balloon. I’ll hold it” Ross tells you and you endeavor to do as you’re told.

He holds it at the bottom, like an ice cream cone, and you pop the top of it, something which causes a load of glitter and confetti to burst out of it. You followed it down expecting just that to be your cute little treat that your boyfriend had made for you.

But you saw that the bursting of the balloon left a small silver box in Ross’ hand. It looked like something you’d put earrings inside or a little trinket or cufflinks or something.

So when he handed it to you to open, with a grin, you were expecting cute little spider earrings or something along those lines.

What you weren't expecting was for your eyes to focus so much on undoing the little silver bow around it that you didn't see your boyfriend kneel down on the floor. And you certainly didn't expect to find a diamond ring when you got the lid off the box.

As soon as your eyes found the diamond they widened in shock and when you glanced back up to your boyfriend and he wasn't there, you let out a gasp when you spotted him kneeling down on the floor.

Ross was grinning at you in the most loving way, adoring your reaction to the surprise engagement he’d been planning since you first said you’d be his. So he took your hand that was holding the box, in his soft ones and kept you there.

Ross wanted to tell you all the ways in which he loved you here in front of everyone and deliver his speech he’d been practicing over and over again, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it.

All he could get out was,

“Y/N/N I love you more than you’ll ever understand, and I'd really love to spend the rest of my life with you” Ross tells you, trying his best not to stand up and hug you into his arms like he was dying to.

So with an erratic heartbeat, Ross continued to ask, “Will you please marry me?”

“Course I will” You giggle out, you felt like you were bursting with the love that you had for him, “Yes”

Everything seemed to be a whirlwind after you kissed him when he slipped the ring onto your finger. All of the lads came over and gave you the biggest of hugs and a load of kisses.

You couldn’t believe it at all.

Everyone was so lovely congratulating you but all you wanted was to be in your boyfri-, no, your fiancé’s arms. Once all congratulations are out of the way, you find your way back to him, your arms circle his neck and you kiss his soft lips once more.

“I'm so happy you said yes” Ross mumbles against your lips.

You pull away though a little shocked and ask, “Did you think I'd say no?”

“No, well…” Ross seems to be a little indecisive there but he explains, “I don‘t know, I was just nervous I guess”

“Awh, you actually are a clown” You giggle, noting once more that he was a clown, now in more than one sense.

You couldn’t believe that he thought you’d answer anything but yes.

Ross just laughs at your joke and you don’t hesitate to tell him, “I love you so much Ross MacDonald”

“I love you Y/N Y/L/N” Ross tells you and you can’t stop your lips from travelling to his again.

His hold on your waist tightens as your hands, one now more decorated than the other, move up into his hair. You kiss him with all the passion that you were currently feeling, needing to express those feelings in a way that was more than what your words could do.

And you just wanted all of him. He was your best friend and had been for so many years, you wanted his last name, you wanted to wake up next to him every day for the rest of your life.

He was your life. And you were his.

So you tried to deepen the kiss, but your fiancé briefly froze and pulled away, but kept you close. As he paused the kiss, Ross gasped looking at you in shock, “Woah, wait”

“What?” You ask him, not understanding why he suddenly pulled away.

“What about the facepaint?” Ross all but grins at you, obviously thinking he was funny.

“Shut the fuck up” You giggle before you press you lips to his.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Thank you for reading! Please let me know what you thought! x

[gamerwoo]

Hongseok: Bittersweet (part 3 -- mommy hui)

Summary: You were looking for a sugar daddy to make more money. Hongseok was looking for a sugar baby to get his friends off his back. But once you find out what he’s using you for, you don’t want anything to do with him. Unfortunately, you love his money more than you hate him.

a/n: timestamps don’t matter!!! i also have no idea what like decent prices are for this shit so just roll w me here lmao

Previous | Next | Bittersweet Masterlist

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Of course Hongseok wasn’t actually going to get a girlfriend. Luckily for him, he was not only handsome, but also smart. He quickly came up with the idea that he could simply just make his friends think he got a girlfriend so they’d get off his back. But he also knew he didn’t have any friends who were women who would agree to help, and he knew any girl he had spoken to previously would just tell him to go fuck himself if he asked any of them -- and there was no way in hell he’d let any of those girls think they were actually his girlfriend. He needed to find a way to get a girl to go on dates with him while still making sure no romantic lines were crossed. 

Again, Hongseok was a smart man, and he had money to spare, so his plan didn’t take long to come up with.

He wanted to get some assistance with his plan, but he had nobody he could tell. Hui and Jinho couldn’t know for obvious reasons, Wooseok, Shinwon and Yanan would just tell everyone else to get him in trouble, Changgu probably wouldn’t listen anyway, and Kino and Yuto were a no-go because they’d just be disappointed in him and would probably eventually let it slip to everyone else. This was something he’d just have to do on his own.

Hongseok searched up a few sugar daddy websites before picking one he found to be the most reliable and least sketchy. This one seemed to have better options, stronger background checks, and overall just seemed to be the safest bet. So he made a profile under sugar daddy and waited for a message or whatever.

It didn’t take long for him to get some inquiries, but he didn’t like any of them. They either weren’t his type or were interested in things he wasn’t looking for. Or they just came on too strong, which was automatically a no from him. He wanted someone he’d consider ‘normal’. Basically wasn’t overly-sexual, was just looking to go on a few ‘dates’ or whatever, and wouldn’t actually call him daddy. But they also had to be someone he’d consider cute or good looking, and it seemed like those two things he was looking for didn’t come hand-in-hand.

At least, not until he got one message around 7:30pm a few days after making the account. He was just hanging out in his apartment and doing what he usually did when he had finished his classes. Then he saw the email notification come up that he had a message from the sugar daddy website, so he went over to his laptop and opened the tab he left.

snflwr: hi!! um i don’t know how to really start this but my name is _____. i feel weird saying i’m interested in like your profile and stuff but i guess that’s basically what it is. uhhhhh yeah lmao i’m sorry i’ve never done stuff like this before

It honestly seemed to be the most normal message he’d gotten. Every other girl was always very straight-forward, but this one seemed to come from someone who was nervous and unsure about what to say. Somehow, he liked that over the overly-confident ones.

He clicked on the little circle for the profile picture to make it pop up on his screen. Not everyone used photos of themselves -- most of the sugar daddies did for obvious reasons, but not a lot of the sugar babies did --  but he always just asked for selfies if that were the case. In this case, the one he was looking at was a photo of their lips.

He went to the profile and read over it. _____ _____, 2 years younger than him, lived in the same area, liked to play video games, and was just looking for someone to spend time with. So far, so good. But it was still such little information that he still couldn’t tell if this person would be normal or not.

yanghong: That’s okay, I’m new to the sugar daddy thing as well lol. Do you mind if I see a photo of you first?

The photo that was sent was at least pleasing to look at. He thought the girl was very cute, actually, but he still had to be positive it was actually her. He could easily be catfished. He wasn’t stupid.

snflwr: can you also prove that’s you in the pfp? lmao

snflwr: no offense but i wouldn’t put it by some old dude to use a younger good looking guy w a six pack to catfish women

Hongseok couldn’t help but chuckle at that. She was funny, too. That was good.

yanghong: Would you want to Facetime? That would definitely prove we’re who we say we are.

It took longer than before for snflwr to reply, but he eventually just got a ‘sure’, followed by her information to contact her. He grabbed his phone to start the call before another message popped up.

snflwr: i’ll be honest, i’m really nervous, so my friend is gonna talk to you first. so like don’t hang up when you see a dude answer lmao that’s not me

Hongseok had to admit, that seemed just a little sus, but sure. So he started the Facetime call and waited.

Sure enough, when they picked up, there was a guy with a black baseball cap on, his blonde hair peeking out through the sides.

“Oh damn, it is him,” he chuckled, looking off camera before looking back at Hongseok. “I’m ______’s friend, Soonyoung. I wanted to make sure you were legit first. She’s...well, she’s shy.”

“But she’s looking for a sugar daddy?” Hongseok chuckled. “Why would she want to go hang out with a stranger if she’s shy.”

Soonyoung just shrugged, “Can’t be too picky in this economy.”

“Lemme see!” another male voice called before a second boy popped his head in frame. This one had cotton-candy-blue hair, and was wearing a brown visor with the name of a local cafe embroidered on it. “Whoa, you are real. I really had my money on you being a creepy old guy.”

“Okay, well now that you know I’m legit,” Hongseok began, “can I actually see that _____ is?”

“Oh, yeah, sure,” Soonyoung replied before handing the phone over.

Hongseok only saw a few empty tables in the cafe before he suddenly saw your face on screen, your eyes still looking up at the two boys from where you sat. You were laughing a little timidly at someone one of them was doing behind the phone before your eyes settled on the screen.

Thank god, it was the same girl that was in the photo.

“Hi, sorry about that,” you said. Your voice wasn’t necessarily what he expected, but it wasn’t like it was anything bad. It was just...normal. Nothing annoying to listen to or anything. “But uh, yeah. I’m real.”

“Good,” he chuckled. “So tell me a little more about yourself. What do you do for work?”

“Technically, I’m a streamer,” you shrugged, “but it’s only because I’m a full-time student. But obviously it’s not making a lot of money since I’m here doing this.”

Hongseok laughed, “Yeah, I don’t even have a job right now. My parents just make a lot of money, and I’m supposed to take over for my dad when he retires. I’m also a full-time student.”

Neither of you decided to ask where the other went to college because that seemed too personal, especially considering what your arrangement was -- well, hopefully would be.

“So you’re just looking to spend time together?” Hongseok checked. “Not offering anything more?”

“Nope,” you replied. “I don’t really want to do any of the stereotypical stuff you hear about. I’m not...comfortable with that, if that’s okay.”

“That’s perfectly okay,” he nodded. “So...I guess we should talk about how it would all work out then?”

“Yeah, what’s the deal?”

What Hongseok was looking for was proof. Proof that he had a girlfriend, so he needed to make it seem like he did. Going out on dates, texting, stuff like that. Stuff where he could give photo evidence that you existed if his friends asked.

“Just go out with me like, once a week if your schedule allows it,” he explained. “You don’t have to call me or anything, but some texts would be appreciated. You don’t have to talk to me everyday, but don’t just like, ignore me for a week, y’know?”

You shrugged with a nod, “That seems reasonable. I’m down.”

“Okay, so we should talk money, then,” he chuckled. “I was thinking like, $800 a week -- assuming we do go out every week -- and I’ll pay for all of the dates on top of that. Otherwise, just $300 for talking to me every week. Sound fair?”

For a second, he thought he lost connection because you were just frozen on screen. $800 a week? That seemed too good to be true to you.

“U-um, yeah,” you stammered finally, making Hongseok smirk. “That sounds good.”

Perfect.

[bubbashawn]

Honey

author: Here’s my first completed request!! Also this is day 7 or 8 of me posting in a row so I’m patting myself on the back. Hope y’all like it and yes it mentions the “pr” stunt w/ Camila so don’t attack me

synopsis: You overhear something you should’ve known all along. But why does Shawn care? He’s the one who threw 5 years away. Throw in a New Year’s Eve Party and everything is bound to go haywire.

warning: requested by anon. Forgive me I swore lol but really it falls in my brand so 2k of angst to fluff :)

“Baby, I love you.”

“Yeah well maybe you should’ve thought about that before Miami!”

“It’s all a PR stunt, Y/N. I don’t get it! Why is this such a big deal to you? That all means shit to me! You know that!”

“Because you didn’t tell me, Shawn,” your eyes started watering but you ignored them, “because I had to explain to my family why your tongue was down some other girls throat and I didn’t know how to because you didn’t tell me!”

Shawn knew a fake relationship would go haywire, he knew that he wouldn’t be able to love you right if he was pretending to love some other girl. Shawn knew what would happen and yet here he was. Standing, begging, in front of you to stay with him because he didn’t think he could ever lose you.

“Honey, you know I love you.”

“Saying I love you isn’t going to fucking fix anything!”

It was true. He loved you so much that he didn’t consider that you’d end things, not when you were so in love with each other. His stupid ego was causing havoc while you cried in his kitchen with your key resting on his counter.

You loved him too much. This hurt too much.

You had that key since he first bought his condo, he remembered the two of you moving him out of his family home. You also used to have a key for there. The two of you had met back in Pickering before Handwritten, before Vine even and your relationship had guided the two of you through your rising fame. You were the one constant in his life, his love for you the only thing keeping him grounded through it all.

“I’m done. I won’t be made a fool and the paparazzi probably will be here soon, so I’m just going to leave.”

“Y/N…”

“Bye Shawn, have a nice life.”

You felt arms shift around your waist and your eyes snapped open. It was just a dream. Except it wasn’t because it wasn’t Shawn’s arms wrapped around you or his cologne covered pillow your head rested on. It was your boyfriend’s.

Not Shawn’s.

Collin must have noticed you shift in his bed because his crystal eyes were staring down at you. He had the sharpest blue eyes you had ever seen, a stark contrast to the familiar hazel.

Collin Bradford had been perfect.

He was what any girl like you could dream of. He wasn’t famous which was foremost the best because you didn’t have to deal with a rivalry about who’s better. He understood your strange hours and never complained about the red carpets or photographers. He was happy to let you take the spotlight. ENews was obsessed with him, not that you blamed them, Collin was by far the most attractive man you had been with since Shawn.

Collin Bradford had been perfect, until he wasn’t.

Once he got comfortable in the relationship he started letting all the new attention get to his head. He became flirty and arrogant. He was the golden boy of Hollywood and he always claimed to love you, so you let him stay in your life. When the cheating scandal happened you let him back in. And the 2 after that. Funny how you let him make you seem like a fool when you’d broken Shawn’s heart for the same reason.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, sorry. What time is it?”

“Almost 6. Do you need to get up?”

“Mmm,” you hummed in agreement, “I’ve got that interview with Spanish Vogue in three hours.”

Carol, your stylist, would kill you if you weren’t sitting in front of her within the next hour. You rose to your feet ignoring the ache that Shawn always massaged out of your back.

“Want an espresso?”

“No, don’t bother,” you smiled back at him, “let at least one of you enjoy a morning in bed.”

“Want to get me one?”

“Sure thing.”

“You’re the best Baby,” his face was hidden in his phone before you could say another word. That was his way of saying he’s done with this conversation.

You walked out of the bedroom and hurried to make your boyfriend his drink before scurrying back to place it by his head. He didn’t acknowledge you.

“We have Hailey Bieber’s New Year’s Eve Party tonight. You still want to come?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll be there.”

You were out the door by 6:10, accustomed to the tight schedule. It was two and a half hours when you noticed a 6’2” frame with curly hair towering over you. You didn’t dare look up until you saw his swallow tattoo emitting an unwanted gasp from your throat. Carol looked at you weirdly but your eyes were trained on pointed Chelsea boots that were hesitantly shuffling towards your seated figure.

“Y/N,” he sounded the same, honey smooth like the rest of him, “Y/N?”

Your gaze lifted from the ground where he stood, up his body and past the undone buttons of his shirt until you stopped on the hazel eyes from your distant memories.

“Hey.”

“Wow, Hi,” he was staring, “it’s been what, 2 years?”

“Just about. 2 years at the end of next month.”

Shawn didn’t pay attention to the nervous quake in your voice and if he did he didn’t make any moves to soothe your mind. He just remained mere feet away and looking down at you.

You hated that you could see the love behind his irises. He had put you through so much even after you left. Shawn hadn’t broken up with Camila for another 8 months after yours. That’s why you didn’t run back to him.

“Wha-what’re you doing here?”

“Oh, um I have an interview about my new work.”

“I heard about that. Congratulations by the way.”

“Thanks.”

He was still staring and watched you shift off the chair to stand before him. Shawn wasn’t paying mind to how close you two actually were until the air between you was mixing. You took his breath away, literally.

“Are you still with that asshole, Charles?”

“Charles? You mean Collin?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Then yes, yes I am.”

“Why? Didn’t he cheat on you?”

“Keeping tabs on me?”

He was growing frustrated with your stubbornness.

“Believe it or not, I still love you, Y/N. And I hate seeing you get hurt, especially by some guy who doesn’t deserve you!”

“And who deserves me? You? Shawn, the whole reason I was in this relationship to start was to get you out of my head,” your eyes were tearing up just like that night years ago, “because believe it or not, you hurt me first.”

Carol, bless her soul, gave an apologetic smile towards Shawn for interrupting your conversation and began walking you towards your interview.

“Honey, you okay?”

You nodded your head trying to piece your mind together before some poor interviewer talked to you.

“It was hard not to listen in,” she smiled softly, “but if you want my thoughts, I think he was telling the truth.”

You looked into her eyes searching for answers that you already knew.

“He loves you, Y/N, and I think you love him too.”

With one final look to make sure her observations got through to you, Carol opened the door and guided you towards your manager.

The interview went fine and before you know it, it was over. You spaced out one too many times, you were sure, but it was over and done with. A photo shoot followed so you would have a cover image on Spanish Vogue and before you knew it the sun was setting.

After a long day filled with too many people and the run-in with Shawn, the last thing on your mind was New Years. You had honestly forgotten about it until you got a slew of texts all talking about the plans for the evening. Everyone was going to show up around 10 and the night would progress from there.

You, however, wouldn’t leave the Vogue building until 11:20.

“Your dress is in the car so you’ll have to change in the back which is why I made sure the car would have a partition. And Collin can help you, okay?”

Collin would not be helping if you had a say in anything.

“Thank you, Carol, enjoy the holiday!”

“You too.”

You slipped into the Bentley waiting by the glass doors ignoring the flashes of cameras. And quickly pulled your dress from the door before turning to your boyfriend expectantly.

“Go up to the passenger seat.”

“It’s not like I haven’t seen you strip before,” he chuckled, eyeing the silky minidress in your hand, “is that even a full dress? Like I’m actually going to let you walk out of here in that.”

“Go to the fucking front and you haven’t had a worthy opinion about anything in the last 8 months because you cheated on me so get out.”

He glared at you but didn’t have any excuse. What could he say to you? Sorry? Collin hopped out ignoring the questions and the shouts about his scandals and sat in the front next to your driver. He glowered even more, if that’s possible, when the divider screen went up.

The party was in full blast by the time you had arrived. With only ten minutes until midnight everyone was bustling to reach their lover or any stranger with a decent pair of lips. Everyone was drunk, and if not absolutely hammered then tipsy. Not one person was standing without leaning on something for support.

“Collin, I’m ge-”

Your boyfriend who was minutes ago standing behind you was now leaning against the kitchen counter between some pretty girl’s thighs. His lips sipping from her solo cup before latching on her neck. Shocker.

Shawn was surely the only person aware of his surroundings and though no one else paid mind to you slipping into the party looking absolutely gorgeous except him. No one noticed the asshole behind you sneaking off to fuck some model. No one noticed your unsurprised yet hurt expression.

No one noticed except him.

He’d be lying to say he hadn’t been watching the front door since he arrived, looking for your familiar face. He was elated when you walked through the door because despite the fact that every time you two spoke it resulted in a fight, he still missed you. Had Shawn been a man with any common sense he would’ve shut down the whole pr relationship concept before it even became a possibility. But he hadn’t and then he lost the most important person in his life.

10

He made his way through the crowd offering friendly greetings to the drunk party goers before he was standing feet away from you again.

9

This time however your eyes didn’t shy away like they had earlier that day. No, they watched his gaze flicker across your entire being drinking you in.

8

“Hi,” your voice was breathless.

7

“Hey,” his hands found your waist.

6

“Are you drunk?”

5

“No,” he smiled before repeating your question back at you, already knowing the answer.

4

“Are you drunk?”

3

“No.”

2

“Good.”

1

Shawn’s lips were pressed against your own and he tasted the same as when he was 16. It was like his eyes, pure honey, just so undeniably sweet. You wondered how you didn’t wander back to him like an addict during your 2 years of deprivation.

“Happy New Years, Baby.”

His mouth latched to yours again not wanting to pull apart longer than he had to.

“We still,” you whimpered when your lips separated again as he looked down at you, “we still have to talk about this. About us.”

“As long as there is an us, I’ll talk to you forever. And you have to break things off with that asshole.”

“Mmhmm,” you hummed against his lips.

“You’re my honey. You’re my sweet, sweet honey.”

“You sure you aren’t drunk?”

“Not drunk,” he couldn’t help but smile against your lips, “just happy. Really fucking happy.”

permanent tag list: @wholesomemendes @fallinallincurls @ashwarren32 @mendesficsxbombay @haute-shawn @turtoix @prncsnee @http-isabela

[liquid-luck-00]

Partners

Day 4 of SuperChat September 2020

This is what I did for Boss and Assistant

@superchat-september2k20 @zambie-trashart @loveswifi @wannajointhecrabcult

Ao3

~~~~~~~~~~

Adrien walked into the office where he would be assisting in for the summer. His father thought it would be best so he could take over the buisness aspect of the Gabriel brand. What his Father failed to mention was that he would be in Metropolis, even more at the Daily Planet.

Well getting to know the PR side to the buisness would be smart. After all fashion is built on the perception of the population on the brand.

So Adrien walked up to the desk to figure out where he had to go for the next month and a half. The woman told him to wait as someone was going to come and get him. Someone took him up the elevator and they then showed him to an office on the fourth floor from the top.

What he wasn't expecting was for the room to have so many people inside, granted there were four people inside before he and his guide entered. His guide introduced him and promptly walked out.

"Perry White, Editor-in-chef of the Daily Planet" he introduced himself "So your the intern we are hosting?"

"Yes Sir" he answered as if he were speaking with his father.

"Why don't we do a trial for the two of you?" Perry said with a smile and turned to the other three! What do ya say Lois? Clark? Let them get their feet wet by throwing them in."

"Wouldn't see why that wouldn't be a problem" the woman Lois answered, wait Lois. Daily Planet, that is Lois Lane and Clark Kent so who is?

That was when he truly noticed the other boy in the room. He looked to be around his age but was taller than him. But what blew him away were his eyes they were an amazing electric blue, almost like they were balls of lightning, pitty they were hidden behind his glasses.

"Then it's settled Kent and Agreste your partners. I hope you will have something to offer by the end of the week." Perry stated and the three reporters and model walked out of the room.

"Sorry for the test by fire, but Perry does n't like to waste time" Lois said once they were at a pair of desks with a third empty one next to them. "Im Lois Lane-Kent, sorry for the late in troduction. That is Clark Kent" she pointed at the man, who gave him a smile and wave when addressed, and that she pointed at the boy setting things up on the empty desk. "Is Jonathan Kent."

The boy looked up and gave him a smile "Jon is fine."

with introductions aside the two left the building in search of a story.

By noon they hadn't found anything completely news worthy, but they did stop at a little cafe for lunch. Jon set down the two bays he was carrying and placed the smaller one on the table which he began fiddling with. He opened it, and to Adrien's surprise inside was a camera. Jon was fiddling with it at took a few pictures but in the end set it down dis a pointed.

"What's wrong?" Adrien asked.

Jon huffed, "I may be a decent reporter but I am at a loss with a camera" then he looked at him his blue eyes shining. "You wouldn't know would you?" He had leaned forward and was staring at him hopefully.

Adrien was lucky he didn't turn into a blushing stuttering mess. In fact he wore a cheshire grin "In front or behind the camera, because I can do both." Adrien was a model, yes, the face of Gabriel Brand, yes, future buisness executive of said brand, yes.

What many don't know is that he is the infamous photographer who is the only one who is allowed to shoot for M.D.C. both for her website or any publication, known simply as A.N..

Jon's face lit up, by this time Adrien already had the camera set up, positioned, at took the picture.

---

By the end of their internship Jon was signed as a reporter and began working alongside his

parents. But what had surprised him the most was when he first met the supers.

He and Jon were about to call it quit for the day when a meta attacked the store near them. Jon had excused himself, something about an emergency text from his brother when Superman and Superboy. Adrien hoped that Jon was still

nearby because Superboy had the situation handled before the man of steel. So, Adrien did what any good photographer did, he took photos. Jon was still close and that turned into their first featured article.

Luckily or well actually unluckily, thank you Plagg, Adrien and Jon were always near an attack and that was something. Yet every time Superboy went to him to ask if he were alright.

---

As Adrien was getting ready to board a plane back to Paris Jon greeted him at the airport. Jon asked him out and that confused him, apparently he was going to be working in Daily Planet's sister location in Paris for a white, TVi. So after a month and a half he learned about the inner workings of the press and how to run it with some time with Perry. But the best part was that for the whole flight back he got to stay with his boyfriend.

Bonus:

Once in Paris Adrien developed his favorite photo of Superboy, he was helping someone unseen out of the rubble of a collapsed wall. And the photo he took of Jon on the first day.

Once he looked at the photos side by side many of his excuses and disappearances suddenly made a lot more sense.

Bonus 2:

To say that Jon was surprised when a guy dressed like Catwoman came into his appartment would be an understatement. One how the hell did he not see or hear him. Two why, wait what did he say.

"Okay I totally understand why you didn't tell me but seriously, Superboy" the cat guy said to him. "I'm not! Your wrong. I can't be Superboy"

A flash of green filled the room and there stood a

Adrien and he did not look convinced, "Want to try that again?"

"How?"

"Magic artifact." he said "but really just glasses won't work forever" he smirked. An explosion sounded and glitter flew past the window. "Well guess that's my cue"

In another flash of green there he stood again in all black looking like a blonde Selina. "Wait then why don't you need a disguise?"

"Magic, duh" he smirked "glamour that is only broken when revealed" he gave a salute and left.

[the-cult-of-russo]

Push and Pull (Part 5)

Pairing: Matt Murdock x OC

Warnings: cursing, gunshot wound and stitches

--------

A lot of people might think Daphne was cold or heartless. Sure, she had a bad attitude and it was hard for her to form meaningful relationships, but it didn't mean she was a complete bitch. Which is why she felt bad as she looked at the photos of Mr Lee's son, Keiran, and young wife making out. She'd be seeing him later in the week and have to break the news to him. She was planning on breaking into the Keiran's apartment and snooping once he was at work in the day. She still had that gnawing feeling something was off with the adulterous couple. 

She'd never had a real relationship herself. She never let herself get too attached. She wasn't sure why, she'd just always been that way. Even as a kid with her older brother and sister, she was the snarky sarcastic one. Her love to push people's buttons left her with little to no real friends and guys didn't like a girl that talked back. She didn't mind. It meant she didn't get hurt. She'd just have sex when the opportunity arose and then wash her hands of it. But she'd be a liar if she didn't sometimes wonder what it would be like. To have that someone who cared. Who treasured her and made her feel special. But then she'd think about how most of her PI work was looking into cheating spouses and how most of the time they had been right. Was true love even real? 

She sighed, kicking her boots up onto her table. It was scuffed enough so she didn't care too much. Her boots were paired with a long black summer dress with a slit to her thigh and some thick tights, a black wool cardigan on top. Goth chic her sister Lisa would call it. It made her snort. Her hair was slightly wavy from the shower she’d taken earlier and it had dried naturally. Standing up, she grabbed her backpack and camera  and decided to head out to Keiran's apartment. Only this time she was really hoping not to find something. 

On her way there, she thought about the guns. It had been a couple of days since the disastrous outing with the Devil himself and the morning after she’d given her evidence to Brett. He was worried, so was she. But it was out of her hands now. And thankfully she hadn't been contacted by Mr Moody to accompany him again. Pulling her phone from her cardigan pocket, she was satisfied Keiran would be out of the house and at work. As she stepped up to the shitty broken intercom at the front, she heaved a sigh. She hoped someone would let her in. Glancing at the names, she just settled on any of them. There was a dull beep as she pressed the button for 'Mr Meyers'.

"Hello?" The sound of an old man sounded. 

"Hi there, would you be able to buzz me in please?" She asked politely. She bit her lip  holding her breath as she prepared to think of an excuse for him.

"Annie, is that you?" He asked, sounding confused.

"Mhm," she lied, rolling her eyes and getting impatient. 

"You forgot your key again, dear? I keep telling you to make another," he chuckled through the intercom.

"I know. I'm just forgetful I guess," she snorted. The shrill buzz almost startled her, that had been so easy. Thank God for Mr Meyers. She slipped inside and jogged up the stairs to the third floor. Her steps were light as she tried to listen for any noises. She didn't need anyone suddenly appearing and wondering why a weird girl was on their floor. She idly wished she had Matt's super hearing. It sounded quiet though and she got to the door she was after. 

A few quick moments with her lock pick set and it was open. Her search was quick and efficient. Always making sure to put things exactly where they should be. She felt like she'd searched everywhere and hadn't found anything. She knew she should have felt relieved but she couldn't shake that nagging feeling in the back of her head. She stood for a moment, closing her eyes as she tried to think where something would be. When she opened her eyes again, they glanced around until they settled on a piece of modern art of the wall. She wasn't a fan of the modern stuff. It looked like a toddler just threw paint on a canvas. Her art preference was the more detailed skilled work. She padded over, lifting it from the wall. Sure enough, behind the canvas was a safe. 

"Bingo," she muttered.

It took longer than she liked to crack it, but she did in the end. She wasn't happy with what she found. Along with a handgun that had the serial number scratched out, she found copies of Mr Lee's life insurance. It was for $2 million and it would be split between Keiran and Mr Lee's wife. She started to see just why this guy was getting in her pants. Were they planning something together? Or did she have no idea she was being pulled into this? She snapped some pictures quickly before putting everything back where it should be. Before long she was on her way home again with a bad feeling. It wasn't concrete evidence of any plans but she'd learnt a long while ago to trust her gut. Maybe she should move her meeting with Mr Lee up and speak to him.

Her train of thought was interrupted when her phone started ringing. It was Brett.

"Hey, got news?" She asked, walking down the street and weaving through the people. 

"Bad news. Last night a whole bunch of people were gunned down. Some biker club. Ammo matches some of the heavy guns you got on film," he stated grimly. She stopped walking and the person behind her who almost collided with her scoffed as they moved past.

"Well that's not good. I guess they weren't for selling then? Why would the Italians have beef with those guys?" She asked warily. As bad as it would be, she'd been hoping that the guns were just being sold. But this was war and she had a feeling the bikers wouldn't be the only ones facing the wrath. 

"Not sure yet. We're trying to piece it together. Whatever it is, it seems like the Italians are trying to take over some turfs. I'll keep you updated," he sighed. After they bid their goodbyes, she trudged up her stairs trying to figure it out. 

Sitting on her sofa, she wondered just how bad this war the Italians were waging would be. She'd never set out to investigate organised crime. She stuck with her small time thing for years and she was fine with it. But a few years ago Brett reached out when he was hitting dead ends. He'd heard about her skills and he shouldn't have asked her for help but he did. Now she did bits and bobs for him every now and again, especially with her interest in the Italian case. He was a detective now and even though it was still off the books, everyone knew she helped them out. She only dealt with him though. She didn't trust most of the other cops after the whole thing with Fisk. She'd kept out of that shit show as much as she could after one of the crazy Russians caught her and she got a lovely stab wound in the thigh. Then there was the whole mess with The Punisher. All of it had changed the gangs of Hell's Kitchen. Some of them wiped out, others coming back and others even stronger than ever. She hated that sometimes she wondered if she'd grew a pair and didn't shy away from it after being stabbed, if she'd have saved some of the lives lost in the chaos left behind from Fisk and Castle. Maybe that's why she couldn't say no when Brett had asked her to start looking into the Italians. 

Either way, here she was. In the middle of a war that was just beginning. And her curiosity wouldn't let her back out now. She wanted to know what was going on just as much as the cops. There wasn't much she could do now anyway. She'd let Brett call her when he had some news and a lead to go on before she threw herself in the line of fire again. 

She found herself preoccupied the rest of the day with thoughts on the Italians. She switched between trying to distract herself watching Netflix on her laptop and then looking at articles about the biker massacre. Her phone had been resting on the coffee table. She doubted Brett would be calling her today with news but she waited anyway. She wasn't sure just when she got so invested in trying to help with this. She just wanted something, a lead from the evidence at the crime scene or to do with HCL with the money laundering. Anything that would give her a direction to go to dig deeper. 

Trying to block the Italians from taking over her restless mind, she snuggled on her couch with a thick blanket in her pyjamas as she watched Breaking Bad on Netflix. She loved the show and she’d watched it multiple times. She kept dozing in and out of sleep as night drew on. She wasn't sure what time it was when she heard a banging in the open plan apartment. She shot up, glaring at the door as her heart hammered in her chest. A quick glance to the large clock on the wall told her it was 3am now. The banging came again but she realised it wasn't from the door. Looking to the large window, she was startled by Matt in his suit, leaning against it from the outside. Her annoyance glared at him for dropping in at this time. Dropping in at all, honestly. She told him to stay the fuck away and here he was at 3am and waking her up. She found it hard enough to get a decent sleep on the best of days. 

Throwing the blanket off her, she stood up and stomped over to the window. She wasn't even paying attention to him really.

"What part of stay the fuck away don’t you get?" She snapped impatiently. He didn't say anything through the glass but then she noticed how his hand was clamped over his chest, how his chest was heaving. Something was wrong. She opened the window to see him better and the moonlight glinted off his suit that seemed wet. Oh. Blood.

"Jesus, you're bleeding?" She asked, her voice getting a little higher. It was a lot of blood. 

"Are you going to let me in or not?" He bit out, wincing as he did. She had half a mind to close her window and let him bleed out on her fire escape. But as annoying as he was, she knew she couldn't. She stepped aside and he carefully climbed inside. She took note of how slow he was moving and she wondered how much blood he'd already lost. He stumbled once inside and she quickly wrapped an arm around his uninjured side, making him groan in pain. With a tut, she led him to her couch and helped him sit down.

"Why are you here? I mean I get that you can't exactly go to the hospital, but here?" She asked, feeling irritated. She hadn't expected to have a half dead vigilante bleeding out on her sofa.

"I didn't have anywhere else to go," he muttered, shifting as he tried to take off his suit. She wanted to ask about Foggy but she guessed the happy go lucky best friend wasn't his go to for stitching him up. With a heaving sigh, she knelt on the couch next to him, helping him remove the top half of his suit. There was a gunshot wound under the front of his left shoulder. She tried not to be concerned. 

"It's still in there, can you get it out?" He asked weakly. She tried to temper the anxiety at how bad he sounded. Not like she cared or anything, she'd worry no matter who it was.

"I can try," she muttered. She jumped up and ran to the bathroom, grabbing the tweezers off the side, the first aid kit and then the bottle of whisky that was on the side in the kitchen. 

When knelt next to him again, his mask was off and it was jarring to actually see his face when still in his devil suit, even if it was only partially. 

"Don't think this is a routine. You get hurt again, you can go somewhere else," she snarked. Honestly at this point it was more to cover her nerves at trying to keep him alive. He chuckled a little, leaning his head on the back of the sofa as she doused the tweezers with alcohol. One hand carefully steadied herself on his chest and she glanced at his pale face. His unseeing eyes were on her ceiling and his hair was all over the place.

"This is gonna hurt like a bitch," she murmured. Honestly, she felt a little bad for him. He just nodded, closing his eyes in anticipation.

She took a deep breath before digging the tweezers in his wound. He cried out. One hand gripping the couch tightly as the other flailed for a minute before he settled on fisting her shirt. She bit back a retort since he was in pain and she focused on fishing out the bullet. Thankfully it wasn't too long before she yanked it out. He was breathing deeply, sweating and looking awful and now the wound was oozing blood at a worrying rate. She grabbed some gauze and pressed it to the wound with a worried frown.

"I need to stitch it, hold this," she said firmly. Still fisting her shirt, his other hand came up to put pressure on the wound. She dug around and got the needle, cleaning it with the whisky before threading it. She tried to ignore the tremor in her hand as it brushed against his, moving the gauze.

When her eyes flit to his face, he was already looking at her with his unfocused gaze.

"You look like shit, Murdock," she muttered with a wry smirk as she started to stitch him up. He chuckled a little, scrunching his eyes closed as she tried to make quick work of sewing him up.

"I feel like it," he replied with a sly grin. She shook her head as her hands delicately thread the needle through his skin, stopping occasionally to soak up the blood with the gauze.

"You're good at this. Not your first time?" He asked. She wondered if he was making small talk to try and take his mind off it. Since he was injured she decided to go along with it. Her anger at dropping in like this would wait until she was done.

"Not a gunshot, but I had to sew myself up after a gnarly stab wound," she murmured in reply. 

Her hands faltered as his hand let go of her shirt and settled on her bare thigh, his fingers running over the jagged scar. It startled her how he'd even know where it was but she shook it off. He was weird after all with his super senses. She tried to ignore the fact his hand was on her thigh at all. She tried to reason that his hands were kind of his eyes since he was blind. But the touch was light, gentle almost, it made her feel weird and she didn't like it. She didn't think anyone had touched her with such gentleness before.

"Who stabbed you?" He asked with a frown.

"Got caught snooping by one of the Russians a few years back. Taught me a hard lesson in being more sneaky," she snorted mirthlessly. His frown deepened and his hand stilled on her thigh. A few stitches later and he was all done. She wiped his wound clean before bandaging him up. 

His gentle touch to her scar had rattled her and she hopped off the sofa the second she was done. She started stuffing everything back into the first aid kit.

"I wasn't joking when I said this won't happen again. Teach Foggy first aid or something, but don't drop by here like this again," she said shortly, maybe harsher than intended and his frown let her know he was confused by it. He didn't reply, just nodding curtly at her. After putting the bloodied gauze away she noticed him standing from the couch, he was swaying on his feet though and she bit her lip as she walked over.

"What are you doing?" She sighed, annoyed.

"Getting out of your hair. That's what you wanted right?" He bit out. Yes, it was. But as he took a woozy step forward he almost collapsed again. She felt a pang of guilt and pursed her lips as she walked over, pushing him gently to sit back down.

"You lost a lot of blood, you need to rest. Just stop being annoying. You can take the couch and leave tomorrow," she relented. He didn't look any happier than she was about the whole thing but there wasn't much they could do. They both knew he was in no condition to get home just yet. He gave a curt nod, staying where she pushed him back down. This would be awkward as all hell. Her apartment was all open plan except the bathroom and a small closet. Her bed was on the other side and she felt uneasy with him being so close if she was to sleep. But she also didn't want to stay awake and be forced to spend time with him with this tension. 

"Go to sleep," she huffed, padding over to her bed. She had some blood on her shirt and a bloody handprint on it from where he'd gripped it. But she paid no mind to it as she climbed in bed, burrowing under the blankets. She fell asleep that night to uncomfortable silence.

[nutty1005]

Xiao Zhan: It’s Your Turn

Translator’s Note: This article comes from VogueMe Magazine 2020 Feb Issue.

Currently, the trend in the entertainment business is to get famous overnight, the statistics dictate everything – a drama, a variety show, a song… all of which could give birth to a super idol, fame, commercial value and opportunities that come along with it. In 2019, the drama “The Untamed”, adapted from an internet novel, became this window of opportunity. This is the story of a young man who received the opportunity. And like other idols created by their era, his fanbase grew immensely, radiating throughout the youth, his name etched in time. All of these simply points to this – it’s now Xiao Zhan’s turn.

1

The summer of 2015, Xiao Zhan had not yet realized that he was going to job switch from the design firm opened by his teacher. The teacher did not feel so as well – as Xiao Zhan left for the talent search variety show, he told him, “Go play, come back to work once you’ve been eliminated.”

The show was called “X-FIRE”, and positions itself as a large scaled youth talent development inspirational show. During broadcast, the description says “16 secretly trained youths painstakingly selected from a few thousand 16-24 year olds”. At that time, Xiao Zhan was 23 years old ��� nearing the upper age limit.

Xiao Zhan just wanted to “play around a bit”. He felt that he would be just touring for a round, and he would be back after a week. As the former class Cultural Committee Member in his university, Xiao Zhan loved singing, won quite a few inter-school cultural activities awards, but never trained in dance-singing. Xiao Zhan, who graduated in graphic design, learnt drawing since young, but never thought of becoming an artist, because “it is hard to survive as an artist, you still need to earn a living”. He was willing to lead a simple life and go to work everyday, with a direct and clear life plan – as a graphic designer, do his work well, then open his own firm.

The summer 4 years later, the name “Xiao Zhan” meant a lot of different things – a member of a pop group, the lead actor of one of the most popular drama, the owner of a Weibo account with more than 22million followers, or as what Chinese entertainment business puts it – a “top traffic”. The topics and imagery surrounding him includes – Xiao Zhan’s looks, Xiao Zhan’s design talent, Xiao Zhan’s professionalism, Xiao Zhan’s role as Wei Wuxian…

And like the other idols who broke out in this era, he has his own set of records – moderators of Bilibili (a video hosting site in China) nagged that his drama fans uploaded so much of his videos that they “almost see him 800 times a day”, Xiao Zhan was jokingly proclaimed as “The Man who caused the Bloodbath of Bilibili”; he became the cover person of a magazine, and the two mobile sales platform app broke down consecutively on the day of the sales; his popularity in 2020 only got higher – on 9 Jan, according to Tian Mao statistics (TN: Taobao eShopping Mall), the Portrait magazine, where he was the cover person, sold out 100,000 copies in 3 seconds, overall sales exceeding 13million Chinese yuan, a poster was spread all around the internet with the accompanying text “a fandom that brought paper media back from its grave” – this is the Xiao Zhan statistics.

But different from the breakout idols, Xiao Zhan did not encounter major controversies (TN: This was published early Feb), and his career did not seem to go through much fluctuations. He never thought that he would be at this point – “Sometimes you’re not ready, but life has already pushed you to ahead. What you can do is to quickly keep up with the pace.” He is now at the stage where any of his actions are “studied under a magnifying glass”, but he feels that his stress levels are not as high as his previous few years, “the past few years, I had the drive but nowhere to use that, now I know how to work hard.”

2

During the initial auditions, Xiao Zhan still continued to work as per normal, go onstage – sing – leave, which was quite fun. After the selection down to 32 persons, he did not think much of it, and left his work to go to Beijing to practice the dance for the variety show. After the selection down to 16 persons, he practiced everything – dancing, vocals and flexibility training.

He did not think much of what would happen later. The winter in Beijing was especially cold, after the show recording, it would be around 3am or 4am, and there would be fans waiting for him outside of the studio – Xiao Zhan felt quite sorry for them, “All are young girls, it’s so cold and so dark.” He felt surreal having fans. When the 16 of them went to Zhejiang TV “Running 2016” New Year Eve performance, he saw the stage and felt that it was especially big and he was especially happy, and kept making sure he remembered the moves so as not to make any mistakes. After the final battle, Xiao Zhan’s team lost, but he and a few of his teammates were rescued by fan votes.

In 2016, Xiao Zhan debuted as part of X-Nine. During the signing of the contract, Xiao Zhan finally realized that he was going to make a career switch. “When you look at it now, 23 year old is also still a child, but no one took me as a child then.” – Xiao Zhan was the oldest in the group, he made his own decision to sign the contract, he thought that if it did not work out, he could go back to work, there was no need for him to paint himself into a corner.

3½ years after his debut, Artist Xiao Zhan still had to explain to interviewers his obsession with going to work. That day, he had a pimple on the left side of his face, and the makeup artist was applying essences on his face. The makeup room was simply a curtained area in the basement of the Art Gallery, full of passing staff, the editor was discussing the shooting schedule with his manager, the stylist was here delivering clothes, and he sat there with his eyes closed, allowing others to apply whatever it is on his face.

Xiao Zhan’s eyes are long, and also wide, he is very fair and his side profile is graceful and beautiful. With his looks, one would imagine that his personality would be cooler, more introvert, with mild melancholy, like those prince-like male leads in romantic dramas. But his personality does not really match his looks – he is serious, disciplined, he does not talk much initially, but overall he is a relaxed person, and quite funny occasionally.

“A lot of art students do not want to go to work,” the interviewer said. Xiao Zhan learnt drawing since young, some of his happiest moments in his childhood would be to win drawing awards or to have his works praised by his teachers, other unimportant happy moments includes had a good lunch, went to an amusement park, or had a liking for a girl in high school.

“They never went through the society school of hard knocks,” Xiao Zhan said. He described himself as someone who went through “quite a fair bit of knocking”. Since young, his father thought him to be independent, taught him budgeting, and told him stories about Bill Gates’s children… “I wanted to say, god, you’re not Bill Gates.” Despite all these, Xiao Zhan stopped using his parents’ money ever since his university graduation.

Xiao Zhan not only learnt drawing, he also learnt violin, go and Chinese calligraphy… pushed him to study in “National Key” middle school, “National Key” high school (TN: National Key refers to the top range of schools in China). He was an obedient child, but as a standard art student, Xiao Zhan was better in humanity subjects, and his math was not good, hence all the while he had always been the mid-bottom of the pack, which worried his family of 3 quite a fair bit.

Studying graphic design in university, Xiao Zhan felt that his university life was quite comfortable – everyday before class he would adjust himself a bit, although in the end it seemed like it did not work well after all, but at least his results were decent. Xiao Zhan emphasized that he was “definitely not the school hottie”. He was a good student. After he had learnt what the teachers taught, he started a studio on the side. The design studio would take on poster and logo design work; the photography studio only have 3 persons, Xiao Zhan did the photo taking, the other 2 did lighting. Before graduation he went to intern in a design firm, hence it was easy for him to find a job. Within a year of working, his monthly salary was around 4,000 to 5,000 Chinese Yuan, which would quite alright for Chongqing at that point in time.

Being part of a boy group releasing albums, shooting web dramas. The way to do things right was quite different from his previous job – his characterization in the group is a warm guy, although Xiao Zhan did not like characterization, he seriously fulfilled his role, and he was obedient. When someone in the variety show suggested that he lose some weight, he replied “I’m quite thin already I still have to lose weight”. As a commoner, Xiao Zhan was 183cm and 150lbs, his mother would always say he was too thin, and he felt so himself as well. That person showed him the film, “the camera lens is a really scary thing, I literally looked like a ball”. It was not easy for Xiao Zhan to lose weight, so he did it brutally. He was so hungry that he dreamed that he was eating. Xiao Zhan is now 127lbs, but this was not his thinnest.

“How was it like after debut?” “Unoccupied.” (TN: Xiao Zhan used the Chinese phrase “picking at his feet” to describe the state of emptiness.) Xiao Zhan’s words were paced and gentle, most were caught unawares by the sudden switch to casual humor, he might not be laughing, after others laughed he would continue his conversation seriously.

After his debut, he felt that he was freer than the times when he was still an intern. But he did not allow himself to stay free, he took vocal and dancing lessons, making sure that he could do sing-dancing to the best of his abilities. But he was still a bit lost – when he was still a designer, his future was clear and straight, but after his debut he had no clue where his future led to.

3

“I could count the number of dramas I’ve acted in with my fingers,” Xiao Zhan said. After which, he started counting them – “Battle through the Heavens”, “The Wolf”, “Oh! My Emperor”, “The Untamed”, “Joy of Life”, “Jade Dynasty”, “The Oath of Love”… the earliest work “Super Star Academy” was not counted – It was shot with his boy group, he was still fat, and he had no clue what he was doing.

Acting was his own idea. When he started auditioning he had not even attended any performance classes, he saw the director, took a piece of paper that indicated the scene and lines, and just went for it. Xiao Zhan did not feel that it was awkward, it was something he wanted to do, so he would do so without any inhibitions, and grasp every opportunity to do so. Singing was something that he always liked, his first single after debut was a song voted by his fans. With the stage and his fans, with attention, he would always want to do it better. Acting was something totally foreign to him.

The first turning point was “The Wolf”. When auditioning, within 2 hours, Xiao Zhan had tried many roles – the bounty hunter who was threatening someone, the prince whose brother was about to be executed… Xiao Zhan won the role of the bounty hunter – the 4th character on the character roll, Ji Chong. During the pre-shoot training he was still acting in “Battle through the Heavens”, daytime he would be shooting, nighttime he would be having performance classes. He did not feel it was tough then, as long as he had time to sleep. “Work is something I am willing to do, I will only feel very motivated, tomorrow must be done better than today.” Xiao Zhan liked Wei Wuxian, felt that he was vivid. When acting, during the first month he would be second guessing himself everyday, is the portrayal accurate? Would the audience accept it? Xiao Zhan checked with the director everyday. After a month, he stopped asking, he felt that he was Wei Wuxian. Dramas adapted from web novels are rarely positively received, his hopes for Wei Wuxian was that “I hope people would not dislike the character because of my acting”.

The summer of 2019, the drama aired, and the real turning point arrived.

Billions of fans, frequent trending topics on Weibo, appearing on multiple magazine covers and even causing the sales platform app to crash…

He is one of the few artists in Weibo that sets his account as “only posts in the past 6 months are viewable”, but it did not affect his popularity. His interaction with his fans are witty, the statistics are more than enough to attract attention. Last year on the Chinese Valentine’s Day (TN: 7th of the 7th Lunar month), he posted a photo informing his fans that he had put on weight, his pants folded up, legs in the swimming pool. One of his fans replied, “Fine, good to know that your leg hairs are doing fine.” This reply was boosted to the top with 190,000 likes.

“After watching ‘The Untamed’ and ‘Joy of Life’ and then meeting you, I feel like you are very similar to your performance method, calm. You are like an AI, whatever you do you’re especially precise.” “You’re highly professional.” The interviewer concluded.

At the start of the conversation, Xiao Zhan just finished an exterior photo shoot, we were both seated, leaning forward and warming hands above the radiator. He said, “Artist is just a job, I don’t like artists to place themselves on a pedestal, just like today you are the reporter who is interviewing me, today I am someone being interviewed. Cooperation, is just so that we can complete our jobs, coming in for the photo shoot is my job today, every single staff is also executing this job, it’s just the role is different.” Because he went through the society “school of hard knocks”, he respected and understood the truth behind teamwork.

As someone who once had to face clients, he knew how it felt as someone at the receiving end of endless unreasonable requests, and therefore he did not want to be someone like that. His standards for work is consistent – high efficiency, good results, everyone is happy, no one has to serve another person. Also “once I am done I will knock off, after I knock off no one should come find me, let me be alone.”

“Everyone works to fulfill their needs, they have entertainment after they knock off, they have freedom and privacy. As a public figure, artist, the product is yourself, the works are also yourself. You have to output materials, contribute works, and then gain the opportunity to grow, for higher social status, value and better lifestyle. For some people, besides their career, they also included their dreams,” the interviewer said.

“The understanding is very thorough. You win some, you lose some, after becoming a public figure it meant that there are multiple pairs of eyes staring at you, anything you do would be judged. Whether it is positive or misguided. Truth and falsehoods, isn’t this circle just like this? Whether the rumors or the gossip is true or false, who knows?” Xiao Zhan said.

4

On 5 Jan 2020, Xiao Zhan was working in a sculpture garden in Shanghai Songjiang, shooting a series of photographs to be the cover of VogueMe. It was cold, the gallery’s doors were open, and the wind blew from the first floor to the basement. Everyone was wearing winter jackets.

In the morning, beside the metal sculpture on the first floor, Xiao Zhan and model Chen Yu faced the camera separately. As the shutters rolled, they did not exchange glances or touch each other. As the photographer requested the model to sit on the ground, Xiao Zhan said his only sentence to her, “Careful your head.” and used his hands to shield her head from the protruding portion of the sculpture.

That day’s Weibo opening advertisement was also Xiao Zhan. As per the photographer’s request, he tilted his head up slightly and gave a cold gaze, or side glancing a faraway place, but also at the same time, he was smiling sweetly on mobile phone screens, promoting a series of instant food products.

In the afternoon, the team went to the exterior, to a concrete sculpture beside the gallery entrance, where he and the model stood in front of, facing the camera. The arm was on the model’s shoulders, and the two of them looked at the camera – he was even thinner than the model. In yet another set, the staff erected a ladder to one of the rooftop grass patches on the gallery buildings. An ice cold rock slab was selected, which the assistant padded using a jacket, and tested the light levels. After which, it was Xiao Zhan’s turn. He was wearing a red jacket with blue shirt, wearing a baseball cap, lying on his side on the rock slab, supporting his head with his arm. In between shoots, the assisted would hand him a long wool top, with deep blue diamond checks, quite thin. The top was flipped over, he slipped his hands into the sleeves to protect the front of his body, his assistant handed over another water bottle that contained warm mineral water to warm his hands. Xiao Zhan basically did not speak, he placed the bottle on his neck to gain some warmth.

An artist’s job, the profession included losing weight, staying hungry, freezing and staying up overnight, wearing winter clothes in summer is the norm, not drinking water prior to any shoots to prevent water bloating on screen… people who do those well may become famous, if they look good or are lucky they may become even more famous. Now Xiao Zhan has an opportunity, and like his previous job, he chose to be down-to-earth and do it well.

In the evening, the green screens were setup in basement 2 of the gallery. 17:44, Xiao Zhan was in position, his manager reminded the stylist to take note of the clothes’ proportion – “The sweater is too long.” Hence, the sweater was folded up. After the camera assistant brought down the Apple machines, the cameraman adjusted his machines, and started shooting the video. Quite a few scenes were done in one take, in the middle there was a break, the manager and the camera crew were discussing camera positions. This was the 10th hour of the shoot, Xiao Zhan sat behind the table, laid his head on a prop gift box and waited quietly – we could not see if he was tired or not.

The shoot ended, and the sky was already dark. Xiao Zhan has not yet knocked off. The media had ended their work, the manager was darting around, arranging for Xiao Zhan to change out and get on his car, to rush to his rehearsal that night – they were already behind schedule. Both teams bid their farewell, Xiao Zhan warm and gentle, still unclear whether he was tired. After less than an hour’s journey, he would need to go onstage to sing, and thereafter, his work would be to complete the costume testing of 20 different sets of clothes.

The Initial Cold

The time set for the shoot was 9am, Xiao Zhan arrived at the rural set at 8.30am. His overnight flight arrived only the day before, meeting Xiao Zhan on the cold morning of a deep southern winter, his spirits looked great, his face having the same kindness as usual. The endless job schedules taught him how to conserve his energy – no casual conversation, not even to his staff; take every opportunity to eat or rest; absolutely no procrastination, ensure efficiency, do his best to accommodate and complete every job. He is a highly disciplined and professional artist.

In this shoot, the warm, gentle smiles have been replaced by cold, sharp glares, the metal and concrete sculptures gave him a few minutes of inner emotions and narrative, his scenes with the model was almost like he was acting in the set of “Last Year at Marienbad”. Xiao Zhan displayed emotions and charm very different from usual self – this is the power of an actor. The darker filters and monochrome imagery restored the caution that the youth of his age would have, it was the concealed feelings of a sunny boy. With such an idol, not only he can warm your hearts, there are still much to expect from him.

[cyb3r-s1ut]

Hotline Bling • Zion Kuwonu

Summary • To be honest, I don’t even know yet.

WC • Circa 1,600

Genre • Mild Angst, nothing too bad.

You used to call me on my cellphone

Late-night when you need my love

Call me on my cellphone

Late-night when you need my love

And I know when that hotline bling

That can only mean one thing

I know when that hotline bling

That can only mean one thing

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

3 months, 1 week, and 4 days. That’s how long it had been since Zion last saw you. But, hey, who's counting? If he had been, he would have succumbed to that void feeling in his chest by now. The one created by you but ultimately worsened by his actions. His actions ruined the best thing he ever had. But it was your fault too, right?

If you didn't have such an illuminating smile, such a feather-light yet addicting touch, such an effervescent personality, such a radiant aura then the both of you he wouldn't be in this situation. No. If you hadn't wanted something more and Zion hadn't been too scared of ruining a good thing even though he knew you deserved more— deserved better. He knew you deserved the world and the stars along with it, but he was so afraid he couldn't give it to you. So he cowered behind his thoughts; he dismissed the relationship you had, shutting you out in the process.

He was expecting you to dismiss the fact that he couldn't come to terms with himself you and continue with the late-night phone calls. The sneaking out of the house at 1 and 2 in the morning — when he thought everyone was asleep — to spend hours at your place. Half naked smoke sessions with deeply thought out conversations lingering in the air with every puff. Or hot nights in your room that always seemed to end with clothes scattered here and there, fluffy comforter somehow still clinging to a corner of the bed, and the sheets tangled around only you because he was never there when you woke up. ’He had better, more important things.’ you would convince yourself. But when you finally stopped gaslighting yourself with that excuse, you found out he couldn't face his own music.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Ever since I left the city, you

Got a reputation for yourself now

Everybody knows and I feel left out

Girl, you got me down, you got me stressed out

'Cause ever since I left the city, you

Started wearing less and goin' out more

Glasses of champagne out on the dance floor

Hangin' with some girls I've never seen before

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Guilt. Jealousy. Anger. Sadness. Utter outrage. One of these emotions— maybe even a mixture— was grasping at his heart and yanking at the strings right now. Even so, he couldn’t stop rewatching the clip on his phone in front of him. It wasn’t like he was meaning to find you. He just happened to be scrolling through the explore page on Instagram and much to his sudden disbelief you were the thumbnail on some video. Against his better judgment (of course) he clicks the video, watching you hold a cup of God-knows-what in the air as your body hazily sways in a sea of people inside of what looks to be a club. Zion’s face is still one of shock as the girl recording yells something cringey about all of her friends being ‘baddies’ and ‘hot girls’ and continues to survey each of her friends, including you, while everyone gets more excited with the new song’s change of pace.

It could’ve been all in his head but that video seemed way longer than the allotted one minute. He doesn’t know how many times he watches the video before he decides to click on the girl’s profile (a bad decision on behalf of his 2 functioning brain cells). His thumbs seemed to move on their own as he scrolled down her page and searched through countless posts of herself, her with her family, and her with her friends. Zion couldn’t pry his eyes from the screen as he clicked on a picture with you in it, hoping you would be tagged. You were, of course, so he clicked. Another mistake on his part.

Your username and bio were both different. Even though he hadn’t visited your profile in a while, he did remember the main details of it. Zion repeated his earlier actions, examining your page this time. There were posts of yourself. You and your dog. You and your family. You and this new group of friends he had never seen until now. You and some MAN? You and this man hugging, holding hands, kissing, traveling, eating out together? You and Zion used to tell each other about everything, and you had certainly never mentioned him before. You People aren’t supposed to move on this fast. Hell, Zion hadn’t even moved on. He still listened to the playlist you two had created together. He still dreamed about you. He still woke up with the lingering touches of you on his body as if you had been beside him moments before. He still had late-night venting sessions with Nick as he sniffled and wiped his teary face after genuinely expressing what he was never able to tell you face-to-face.

But now, here you were. You had completely evolved from the person Zion knew almost four months ago. You weren’t the same girl who posted simple photos of herself in cute, comfortable outfits captioned with inspirational quotes, or wholesome reviews of the new Greek mythology book you had bought at your favorite Barnes and Noble. This was some girl who had grown to almost a million followers in just three months. This was some girl who posted pointless photos of her newest bottle of wine or Hennessey; some girl whose wardrobe would alternate between Burberry pantsuits and Louboutin heels, to Adidas tracksuits and air force ones, to what could very well be some bundle of strings Fashion Nova tries to pass off as a dress. This new girl — this new you — was copacetic, thriving, and glowing. You were happy with this seemingly very outgoing of people who the old you would’ve never thought about fraternizing with. Worse of all, the new you appeared to be enjoying life with some new guy, a guy that wasn’t Zion. He’s a complete mess without you laying next to him at 2 in the morning and you were supposed to be the same. Zion was supposed to have the same crippling effect on you as you did on him.

Apparently, Zion had been sitting in his whirlwind of thoughts long enough for his phone to lock. He pulled himself out of his trance and made his only decent decision of the day. He went to find Nick, knowing he would still be awake and available to examine whatever emotional baggage Zion had this time. He told Nick about his earlier revelations (leaving out the part about your apparent love interest). “Why don't you just talk to her, bro? Tell her how you actually feel.” weren't the words he expected to hear. He didn't know what to expect, honestly.

As Zion laid in his bed he picked up his phone with shaky hands. When he unlocked it, he felt another tug at his heartstrings, forgetting that his phone had locked on a gorgeous post of your beaming smile while he was in a daze earlier. The time I'm his phone read 1:46 A.M. He didn't want to call you. You might not pick up. But he wanted an immediate response. Zion needed validation right now. He silently prayed that your number hadn't changed along with everything else during your productive time period. He opened his messages and clicked on your name; ’y/n💛’. Zion smiled to himself as he looked at the last messages sent between the two of you. You had been sending memes back and forth, with the last message before the hiatus being three emojis expressing your enjoyment.

Zion pondered for a few moments on what to type. ’Yo y/n it's me.’ ’Hey it's me, Zion.’ ’Hey y/n we haven't talked in a while.’ He wasted a good twenty minutes overthinking, typing, and erasing potential conversation starters. Then he just decided to pour out what was left of his heart. Fuck it.

He didn't expect you to reply quickly, but he wanted you to, so Zion kept his phone unlocked and open to your messages as he waited. He had peeked two minutes after hitting send, but he didn't notice it then. Zion let five more anxious minutes pass before checking again. He almost didn't notice it that time, but somehow he managed to spot it.

The small subscript under his message. ’Read’

Zion didn't know if it was him being delirious with fatigue or the actual fact of you acknowledging but ignoring him, but his breathing got short and shaky and his tears started to roll. It was finally happening. That void feeling in his chest — in his heart —, that place where special memories of you were kept, had finally drawn him in and suffocated him with the realization that you didn't want him anymore. You no longer needed Zion to bring you the pleasures of life. For all he knows now, you never really did.

[daprec]

BJJ Floating Mat System DIY Walkthrough

I’m going to share the process of building a floating mat system, from design to sourcing materials and build. I figured I try to take out as much guess work since I had no guidance and had to learn on my own. There were several pieces of the puzzle that came as some small surprises, but hopefully this helps the next person who decided to make the leap to a better mat system. I’m unsure of the process for other countries, but in my case I will detail the process for importing goods into New Zealand – it may differ in other places. I’ll include links to the factory for all the specific mats I ordered in the post.

Towards the end of Sept 2020, just after the Covid-19 lockdown ended in New Zealand, I had an opportunity to expand my BJJ club and sub-lease space in our existing gym we ran out of. I had an elaborate vision of a floating mat system underneath some juicy dollamur mats for use to train in.

I was introduced to the floating mat system years ago when I lived in Los Angeles on a visit to Kron Gracie’s academy in Culver City. I had worked down the street and wanted to congratulate him and have a look around. My friend Ollie Barre worked there and he showed me around, even Kron said hello and mentioned the spring loaded floating mat system to me.

It was about 1/2 a meter high with actual springs under the floor with plywood on top and tatame on top of the ply. It was amazing!

Image courtesy of Kron Gracie Academy Linkedin page

I knew that’s what I wanted but I didn’t have the budget for springs, so I explored other options. After a few searches I came across a couple videos:

How to build the ultimate spring subfloor for your Judo, Jujitsu and Wrestling mats

&

How to build a Bjj subfloor

Foam and ply – sweet I can do that! Let’s measure the space:

9.7m x 4m – pretty decent space!

After the measurement I needed to visualize the build. I knew I had to see it and make something for others to see the vision I had, so I modeled everything out in Maya and made a 3D render:

Concept render

I used real world units to keep everything to spec, that means the units I use in the 3D application are accurate to and equal to the units I would use on the actual build. The sub-floor would be the most difficult thing to explain to a builder, so I did a couple renders of what the underbelly would look like:

14 sheets of plywood with sub-floor foam block layout

Single sheet plywood foam block layout

I began compiling a list of materials I would need:

15 sheets of 2440mm x 1200mm x 12mm non-structural plywood

6 sheets of closed cell polyethylene foam

tons of liquid nail

timber for boxing in – unsure of spec at that time

5cm thick floor mats, tatame finish

21 wall mats @ 183cm x 122cm x 5cm

Living in New Zealand is awesome BUT sourcing some of these materials was going to be difficult and super expensive. I started calling around and emailing different foam companies and dollamur reps. I was getting quotes just for the dollamur mats of $5-6k NZD alone! I found a company that imports foam and was quoted $500/sheet of PE foam! I didn’t even bother looking at the wall mats – it would have cost me closer to 10K to get everything from NZ companies, so I decided to cut out the middle man and source materials myself.

Of course this lead me to Alibaba.com – the Chinese based website that gives people like myself access to factories where these things are typically made. After a few days of searching and multiple emails, I found a factory – Quindao Sanhong Plastic Co, LTD – that appeared to manufacture everything I needed – floor mats, wall mats and PE foam sheets.

It was my 1st time using Alibaba and to be honest I was SUPER dubious. I would be dealing with people outside of the country I lived in which carries a larger sense of the unknown.

I ended up chatting with a service person named Emily. She was incredibly helpful and thorough and made sure she understood what I required. I sent her an absurd amount of photos, videos, all of my renderings of what I had in mind, the measurements and other specs. She talked me into getting a more dense mat (40kg/cbm – a new unit of measurement I was completely unfamiliar with) for both the floor mats and sub-floor mats.

Originally I intended to have that pool noodle type foam, but Emily urged me not to go that route and go for something thicker – the cost was negligible so I went for it. Trusting someone you’ve never met overseas was hard, but I figured I needed to roll the dice.

The floor mat specs I went with were 3 rolls of 9.7m x 1.33m x 5cm with a tatame finish

Link to mats here

Floor mats

Next were the wall mats. I needed 21 wall mats @ 183cm x 122cm x 5cm Link to mats here

Wall mats

Next was the closed cell sub-floor PE foam. Quindao made 2m x 1m sheets of this stuff, and I needed 6 sheets total to accommodate my space. These were roughly $40USD / sheet so if I got it wrong I figured it wouldn’t be TOO much of a loss. Link to foam sheets here

This is the pool noodle foam I was expecting, but not what I ended up receiving

Emily was very patient and understand of my reservations in dealing with an overseas factory. After a few more emails and messages I pulled the trigger and made the order. At this stage Emily walked me through the process and gave me a general idea of several unknown import costs. Her estimate on the NZ import tax was very close, but she did inform me there would be other costs she had no way of providing an estimate for.

I forgot to mention that a couple months prior to ordering I had already setup a legit business in anticipation of building my dream in the future. Emily had requested an NZ Import ID so fortunately I was already qualified to apply for a NZ business import ID through NZ Customs. This cost me about $200 to register my business and get an import ID.

After providing all of my information, she came back with a total cost and import tax estimate I would pay on arrival. Freight costs from China to NZ were SUPER cheap – about $80NZD to ship 700kg worth of stuff, so that was fine.

I paid the deposit so the manufacturing could get under way. Once they were finished making all of the mats/materials I would then pay in full prior to loading onto the ship. It took them about 4 weeks to finish everything. At that time there was one final check through that they had all of my correct information and import ID and that was that. The order started on 11/02/2020 and was shipped on 12/08/2020

Because of Covid, there were huge delays with international shipping and unloading, so the wait time was longer than usual. It was supposed to take 40 days but ended up being much longer than that. The mats arrived in NZ the 1st week of February 2021 – phew at least they made it safe!

This is where a lot of the surprises and unknowns came into play. I received an email from some guy at a freight company saying my mats had arrived and I needed to send all of the arrival documents to my broker

Evidently I had to obtain an import broker to forward all of the documents to, which no one makes any mention of. But here’s where things get a little…rackety. I ended up going with EasyFreight brokers who charged me about $200 for their services. They emailed documents from NZ Customs where I then had to pay around $500NZD for the Import Tax.

Once the Import Tax was paid, my mats could then be released BUT…the mysterious freight company who initially emailed me now says I need to pay them $1900NZD before they ship my mats to Wellington. This fee was for unloading the mats from the ship and onto the dock and storing them in a warehouse until all of the documents cleared. This almost doubled the cost of the mats I ordered and by now the total cost was getting close to what I was getting quotes from NZ based companies.

I paid the invoice and they put my mats onto a truck to be shipped down to Wellington to ANOTHER freight company – not directly to me for whatever dumb reason. I contacted the new freight company, had a bit of confusion and back and forth but eventually I ended up having to pay them another $250NZD to ship my mats to the gym. What a racketeering outfit huh?

They delivered the mats and I immediately started ripping up the packaging to have a look at my new goods. I have to say that what I purchased exceeded my expectations. The floor mats where BETTER than what I expected, the wall mats were BETTER than what I anticipated and the sub-floor foam ended up being more closer to memory foam than pool noodle foam. Holy hell we’re gonna have some sweet mats to roll on!

To the build!

After a trip to Bunnings to pickup timber, liquid nail and a few other things, that tallied up to over $1000NZD we were on our way.

The 1st order of business was to cut the foam sheets into blocks. I had originally calculated 7cm x 10cm x 10 cm but when we laid everything out, we’d only be using 2 sheets of foam and would have had to cut relatively tiny blocks. So instead we went with 20cm x 20cm x 10cm blocks – much easier to cut and deal with and even then we had a ton left over (which we made use of by the end of it.

Foam blocks

I worked out the numbers and we did 3 x 5 rows of blocks per plywood sheet

1st row of 8 pieces of 2440mm x 1200mm x 12mm plywood with 15 foam blocks liquid nailed to ply

We had all of the blocks glued to the ply and realized we had HEAPS left over, so we decided to re-jig some things around and use the extra blocks in the spaces inbetween sheets of ply on the seams and corners. This ended up adding an extra level of stability between the ply and would be less likely to damage the mats on top.

Using extra blocks underneath ply seams

Once all the plywood was laid out and the liquid nail given a bit of time to cure, we had to then box everything in to prevent sliding. This required a concrete drill/concrete bit, about 10 dynabolts (basically concrete bolts with anchors), some timber 2 x 4s, more liquid nail and a bit of good old fashioned elbow grease.

We made a mess!

The guys marked where the holes needed to be drilled roughly 1 1/2 meters apart. After the holes were drilled and swept, we laid down a very long 2×4 that was already predrilled with the initial concrete hole drilling. A dynabolt was hammered into the hole as far as it could, then racheted down with a socket wrench to tighten. The 1st piece of timber would be the foundation the other boxing in pieces would be anchored to.

The farside wall was crooked so that meant our sheets were slightly offset on the outside edge. As long as the surrounding box was square, the top layer mats would hide the crooked ply and we’d be fine.

Timber posts are rather expensive in NZ and usually crooked, so we ended up gluing and screwing 2 2×4 together so that 1. they cost less and 2. we could straighten them much easier.

Boxing in almost complete

To secure the 2x4s to the base we used nails and several Stud to Bottom galvanized fixings. We needed to make sure there would be absolutely no flex with the box.

To have a nicer finish, we added a thin layer of finger jointed pine on top of the 2x4s secured with finishing nails. The grain and look of it is much more eye pleasing than the sides of 2x4s and I can stain or paint it later.

Finishing touches on the sub-floor box

We left about a 3cm lip around the box so when the mats sit on top of the ply, the outer frame would contain and lock in the mats from sliding. The mats came very well packaged in three 1.3m x 9.7m x 5cm rolls

1 of 3 mat rolls

We placed extra ply against the walls to create a wedge/spacing for the wall mats. Upon rolling out the 1st roll we realized the wall was not straight…at all, but we made it work. 1st mat down!

The middle roll was relatively easy to to setup and the velcro attachment worked out perfectly.

That tatame finish texture is looking nice!

The final row did prove to be a bit more challenging but we eventually squeezed it into the remaining space. We can do math!!

After a full day of work we got the mats installed. We started at 11am, did a Bunnings run to collect tubes of liquid nail, screws, etc, got to the gym at around 12:30pm and finished just after 1am.

The following weekend we mounted the wall mats which were relatively straight forward. We ran 2 rows of 5m x 18mm pine planks along the wall, one at the top of the wall mats and one mid mat for support. I forgot to take pics but we basically created a support system and something to drill into instead of thick firewall jib.

We finished in the evening, cleaned up and of course we had a roll!

Some after thoughts

I can’t tell you how happy I am with this setup. Having an extra 10cm of foam under the sub floor has made a HUGE difference. It only took about 3 weeks to break in the harshness of new mats, and the tatame finish has been amazing. They aren’t slippery at all and are like heaven to roll on. One thing I would have done, which I most likely will do soon is to place 1 screw into each foam block under the sub floor.

What happens is the vibrations of people moving on the mats will cause the foam blocks to shift if they liquid nail didn’t stick. Not a big deal as we can simply lift the mats/play and move the foam, but that’s the only thing I would have done. Everything else worked out perfectly and I could not be more happy.

I hope this helps anyone who is interested in building something like this. There are a LOT of unknowns that go into importing goods from overseas, but I covered all of the “gotcha” moments along the way. Also I can with full confidence say that Quindao Plastics manufacture high spec and high quality mats/foam. They exceeded my expectations, so you can purchase with confidence. I knew nothing about them, only went by their Trade Assurance certification rating on Alibaba, but who the hell knows what that means? I’m thrilled I rolled the dice – they nailed it!

Reach out if you have any questions

Oss!

BJJ Floating Mat System DIY Walkthrough was originally published on davepreciado