#there were Many issues with miss lulu

[chrispineofficial]

FINALLYYYYYYYY

[purpleyoonn]

baby (you complete us) 12

C H A P T E R   T W E L V E 

Summary: Soulmates were a common occurrence, so common, in fact, that the world sought an easier way to find your other half: A bracelet that would scan your mark and match you with those who shared your mark. Within recent years, soul groups were becoming normal, and your own bracelet said you have seven matches.

Or where you wear your bracelet for ten years, and finally give up the hope you would find your soul group, only for BTS to put theirs on and see what they were missing.

Genre: soulmate au, idol au, angst, fluff, eventual smut,

Pairing: Idol BTS x Disabled MC

Warnings: angst, mentions of depression, disabled mc (Ehlers Danlos syndrome), eventual smut, fluff, lots of fluff, mentions of disability, simp bangtan

Chapter Warnings: protective bangtan, anxious mc, mc has a panic attack, more of mc’s background, mentions of bullying, some issues with consent, mc has all the feelings, Hobi bonding with mc, some cuteness overload, 

*Words in Italics are spoken/written in Korean*

beta’d/edited by the lovely @babyarmybias​

masterlist // chapter 11 // chapter 13

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Previously on baby (you complete us):

“Thank you for doing this, Noona! We will tag you when it gets posted!” Yeonjun exclaims once you were done filming in front of one of the portraits outside of the café.

“Thank you! It was fun. I could really go for a drink now though!” You laugh as the boys agree with your statement, Taehyun and Soobin pulling your arms and dragging you into the café.

     The café was one of the things you didn’t get to see on your tour with Songun, given it wasn’t near the meeting room you met the boys in. You were still shocked when you walked in and realized the café was more like a cafeteria, with many different food options, vendors, and drink options galore. You were awestruck, ignoring the laughter coming from the boys as they dragged you to the smaller coffee vendor.

     “What drink would you like, Noona?” Taehyun asked you as he began looking over the options. You looked over the menu but didn’t see anything you recognized so you just told him to pick something out for you.

     His eyes grew wide in excitement, animatedly looking over the coffee options as you turned around, looking for a seat nearby. Your knee was giving you trouble as you could feel it shifting with every step you took, and you needed to massage it soon before it inevitably popped out.

     You didn’t want to embarrass yourself in front of your new friends, and a sure-fire way to do that was to have your body work against you. You couldn’t stand the looks you would get whenever you had to pop something back in or massage your body to counteract the pain you felt in your joints.

     You moved to the counter to pay, only after receiving a weird look from the barista did you realize you forgot you didn’t have to pay for anything. You nod your head awkwardly, not waiting for the boys as you moved to the closest seat and began massaging the muscles around your knee cap. You couldn’t stand up any longer or you knew your kneecap would pop out.

     You sit down slowly, with care, and place your drink on the table before bending down a little to massage the muscle to the side of your knee cap. It was a long-practiced massage, something your specialist recommended to you when you were in school and always on the move. You were regretting not bringing your cane with you today, thinking you wouldn’t need it.

     You always did this to yourself. You had a good day yesterday, so you thought you would have one today. But of course, why would you have two good days in a row?

     “Are you okay, Noona?” Taehyun had come up to you, noticing you had disappeared from next to him.  He was concerned that you were hurt, seeing you rub at your knee. The entire building knew about your disability, a few concerned words overheard by one of the staff after walking past Jin and Sejin had spread to everyone within the span of an hour.

     Your head shot up at Taehyun’s question, not realizing he was standing in front of you.

     “Y-Yes, I’m okay.” You nod your head as you speak, trying to reassure him you were fine, but failing to do so as your stutter gives you away. You try to play it off as you forgot the word for yes, but he just shook his head.

     “Do we need to go get hyungs?” Taehyun asks just as the others walk over.

     “Go get hyungs for what?” Beomgyu questions Taehyun before seeing you and the way you were practically cradling your knee. “Ahhhhhh.” He nods his head in understanding.

     “Do you need us to go get the hyungs?” Heuning Kai ask you softly, leaning over so he was almost whispering in your ear. You appreciate the sentiment, but it seems people were beginning to look your direction anyway.

     You look around shyly, not wanting everyone to know what was going on.

     “Everyone is curious about BTS hyungs’ soulmate.” Yeonjun states, seeing the way you were looking around. “The announcement was pretty big, especially after the one they put out about trying to find you.” You let out a sigh at his words, understanding what was going on but that didn’t mean you necessarily felt comfortable with all the looks.

     “Why don’t we take you back to Hyungs? They should be having a break right now…” Yeonjun trailed off as he looked at his phone.

     “Okay.” You stood up slowly, testing your weight on your knee, hiding your wince at the sharp pain.

     “Oh! I promised them I would bring them something back from the café!” You make for the counter again but hands gently push you back into your seat.

     “Rest, noona. We will go get hyung’s favorites!”

-*-*-

     And grab their favorites they did. Not only did they arrive back to the table with three drink carriers and two paper bags filled with pastries, but they insisted to helping you to bring everything back to the practice room, Soobin even assisting you in walking once he realized you were favoring your leg.

     “You better put your arm back by your side, Soobin!” You chastis for the third time, seeing him bring his arm back out to try and carry you. He kept insisting that he didn’t want you walking on your leg and that he should carry you back to the room, but, of course, you insisted the opposite. You weren’t fragile and didn’t need to be carried anywhere.

     “Hyung, will you get the door please!” Beomgyu and Taehyun plead out, trying to not have the drink carriers fall as they make it to the door. Soobin looks at you again, before moving over to the door of the boys’ practice room, music still blasting from the speakers. You recognized the song this time as the chorus to Idol plays. As the door opens you begin to limp over to Yeonjun who holds one of the pastry bags and a drink carrier.

     “Here, give me one.” You hold your hand out, but he shakes his head.

     “Noona, you’re hurt. It’s okay.” He steps back, moving towards the open door but you just follow him.

     “I’m fine though! I promise. I just want to help.” You insist again, stepping into the room and still reaching for the pastry bag.

     “Noona you’re hurt. You don’t need to be carrying anything.” Yeonjun is stubborn, you’ll give him that, but unfortunately, someone overhears his words. Footsteps come pounding towards you and Soobin and suddenly you are picked up, your chest pressed against theirs and your thighs tossed around their hips.

     “Jungkook, I’m fine!” You whine as soon as you realize who picked you up, his scent making you feel calm despite your embarrassment. You slumped in his arms, trying to hide yourself in his sweatshirt hood as he walked away from the younger boys.

     “What happened?” You hear Namjoon ask Heuning Kai as he was closest to the leader.

     “Y/n Noona hurt her knee at the cafe.” Was his simple reply, not exactly knowing what happened to your knee.

     Jungkook carried you over to the seat you were sitting in before, and proceeded to kneel in front of you and holding your leg up so he could look over your knee. He instantly became a “doctor” prodding and running his fingers over the expanse of your knee, trying to feel for anything out of the normal.  

     Yoongi and Taehyung also came over, leaning over Jungkook and looking at your knee, the three men ignoring your attempts to push them away. You were bordering the line between feeling embarrassed and humiliated and it had your cheeks red and eyes blurring with tears.

     “Please stop. I’m fine.” You repeated, trying to get their hands off of you. You didn’t care that they were your soulmates at this moment, you just wanted to go back to your hotel.

     “Please stop touching me. I’m okay.” You tried to push Jungkook’s hands away, but he was more focused on your knee, even though his touch wasn’t helping in the slightest. You could tell that the others could hear you, Jimin and Namjoon glancing your way and Hoseok trying to get the focus of everyone off of you by asking the boys what they had brought.

     You felt like you were in school again, getting made fun of for your knee dislocating in gym class. You hated everyone watching you, trying to see if you were faking or not, ignoring the pain and tears rolling down your cheeks as your gym teacher stresses over your disfigured knee, wondering if she should call and ambulance.

     The insults “attention whore” and “lazy” running through your mind from when you were younger as everyone in the room continues to look at you now, Namjoon and Jimin beginning to walk your way as Jin says his thanks to the boys. One final prod of your knee from Yoongi has you snapping, pushing them away from you and pulling your knee to yourself.

     “I asked you to please stop touching me.” You push out, trying to stop the tears already flowing down your cheeks. You were even more embarrassed now, crying in front of them. You hated how emotional you get, especially when you get stuck in your head with your past.

     “Baby, I—” You cut off Yoongi, his face shocked at your actions.

     “I think I would like to go back to my hotel now.” You whispered, withdrawn, and looking down at your lap. You felt a tug in your chest as Jungkook moved closer, trying to get you to look at him.

     “Baby, We’re sorry. We just wanted to make sure you were alright.”

     “We got worried when we heard Soobinnie say you were hurt. Our instincts took over.” Taehyung finished Jungkook’s thought. Namjoon tried not to interrupt, but he knew he had to.

     “Our instincts don’t make us ignore the words of our mate, though. We all heard her ask you not to touch her.” Namjoon scolded the three, even Yoongi looking down in guilt.

     “We are all so sorry, Y/n. We should have listened to you; there is no excuse.” Yoongi spoke up, his eyes piercing your own as he spoke.  

     Jimin, Jin, and Hoseok stood a couple feet away, watching as you close in on yourself. Jimin couldn’t believe how everything changed so quickly. They were making such good progress with you, their bond with you was growing and solidifying and now, he was only hoping you didn’t change hotels and block their numbers.

     “Honey, please stay. I know that you want your alone time, but you just entered the next stage of the bond with Jungkook. It will hurt both of you if you are alone for two long now. At least, until we all have completed the bond.” Namjoon explains. “Besides that, I don’t think you really want to be alone right now.” His town turning in on her.

     And he was right. The first stage of the bond had just solidified with Jungkook the night before. You knew what would happen if you were apart for long. You also knew you didn’t want to be alone. You hated that he was right about that.

     All you wanted was to be comforted, to be wrapped in their arms and told that everything was okay. You’ve never felt like that before. Usually you want to be alone, lying in bed and wrapped under the covers, completely hidden from view.

     Now, all you wanted was to be comforted by your soulmates.

     One look from you was all it took for Jungkook to lift you off the chair and into his arms, sitting himself down and holding you in his lap. The tug in your chest finally settling, the embarrassment and insecurity slowly ebbing away the longer he held you to him.

     Once the others started moving away, Jungkook having motioned to them while you weren’t paying attention, he began to comb his fingers through your hair, massaging your scalp as he did so. He knew it helped soothe your mind and calm your body.

     “I am so sorry, baby. I need to open my ears and become more aware even with my instincts screaming at me.” He squeezed you a little tighter. “Please don’t be mad at me. Please don’t leave.” You could truly hear the fear behind his words, thinking you would leave them.

     Jungkook had really thought he messed up everything. He thought you were going to reject them now; he was so sure about it. He tried not to imagine the pain the others would feel at your absence, and only hoped he could fix things between you.

     “I may not…understand the bond like you do.” You started, still trying to find your words. “But I wouldn’t reject you all over something as small as this.” Almost immediately Jungkook began to protest.

     “It’s not ‘something small’ if it makes you cry.” He adjusted you on his lap so you were now facing him. “We are all still getting to know each other, still growing the bond our souls have. I can understand if you don’t want to talk about it now, but I would like to know what made you cry so I can fix it.” He brings his palm up to your cheek, cupping it. “I hate seeing you cry. It makes me want to fight who or whatever it is that made those precious tears fall.”

     You look down again, trying to decide if you had enough courage to tell him the real reason behind your tears, or a slimmed down version of your feelings.

     “I uhm, was embarrassed.” You decide to tell him, to try and explain what was going through your head.

     “When I was younger, before the doctors had figured out what was wrong with me, I was just known as “clumsy” and “lazy” by everyone. No one ever taking my pain or injuries seriously. Even doctors just told me it was my weight, despite being healthy. I was told I was just looking for attention.” You tried blinking away your tears, feeling them begin to pool on your waterline.

     “It got really bad when physical education became a class in middle school and high school. I hadn’t received a diagnosis yet which meant I had to push my limits for a grade. One day…” You pause, swallowing down the choking sob so you could talk. 

     “We were supposed to be running the mile for our fitness test. I was in eighth grade and barely lasted one lap before my knee dislocated. It wasn’t the first time any of my joints fully dislocated, but it hurt all the same.” You began to explain the memory you flashed back to. You couldn’t help but grip his shirt tighter, your body full of anxiety.

     Jungkook almost wants to tell you to stop. That he doesn’t need to know, not if it makes your heart hurt, or if you are pushing yourself to open up to him. That was the last thing he wanted to do, to push you into anything.

     “I remember falling to the ground, my knee in excruciating pain. I hadn’t gotten used to the feeling yet, but I didn’t want to have everyone looking at me and wondering “What did she do now?” like I did this on purpose. I didn’t want anyone’s attention and I remember swearing to myself that I would finish the mile. So, I moved to put my knee back into place but the teacher had already seen me on the floor.” You grimace, remembering vividly how she ran up to you.

     “Her voice seemed to be attached to a microphone as she yelled across the field, telling me not to touch my knee and asking if I was okay. She made a huge deal about it, sitting next to me and trying to figure out if she should call an ambulance. She even got another teacher involved.” Jungkook was confused, wanting to know what you meant by making a big deal out of the situation.

     “I had spent months already putting my knee back into place and with everyone looking at me I just remember starting to cry, pushing my teacher away. Everyone’s stares on me, the whispers I could hear and the laughter coming from some of my classmates had me feeling humiliated. I felt even worse when my teacher did call an ambulance.” You whispered the last sentence, unable to stop the tears from slowly falling down your cheek.

     Jungkook now understood everything, with the help of some of the Soul Bracelet messages he remembered reading. (read: that he continues to read every night so he doesn’t forget anything)  He recalled reading multiple messages where you vented about growing up hearing that you needed to stop “attention seeking” and that you were faking your injuries, with classmates making fun of you, and no one believing you, that day was just a culmination of everything at once. Your dislike of attention and being the center of it, especially when injured, now made complete sense.

     He couldn’t help it, cupping your cheek and tilting your head up so he could see you. The feeling of your wet skin under his thumb as he wiped away your tears was something he didn’t want to feel again under the circumstances. Placing a soft and slow kiss to your lips, trying to push through his feelings of love and admiration for you, he held you close, closer than he already was.

     He knew he would tell the boys this later on, somehow, but for now, you needed him.

     “I am so sorry, baby. For everything. I will do my absolute best to stop that from happening again now that I know.” Jungkook kissed your mouth again, a chaste kiss that had your lips tingling. You don’t think you will get used to that, ever.

-*-*-

     You were able to be held by Jungkook only for a little bit longer, seeing as they did have things to do today. But after receiving his hoodie again, you were happily snuggled into it eating your forgotten watermelon cup from earlier. You had borrowed Namjoon’s headphones, after repeatedly asking if he was sure, and watched TikToks on your phone.

     You don’t know how long has passed before Taehyung is placing kisses to your face in a quick attack to steal your attention. A squeal escapes your lips as the headphones fall off your head and another set of kisses is aimed.

     “Oh baby! We’re all finished which means kisses!” Taehyung sings, making you laugh at the reminder.  But before he can give your face even more kisses, he is pulled away by Jin.

     “Hi, baby. We have some recording to do in the studio, but after that we were hoping to take you to dinner. Then maybe some movies at our place?” Jin smiled at you, seemingly nonchalant but on the inside, he was freaking out. His eyes showed the hope he had for the evening, showed his desire to just get to know you more and spend time with you.

     To you, it sounded nice. Just a simple night with all seven of them. It’s not something you’ve had the chance to experience yet. You make the first move this time, moving forward and putting your lips on his plump ones, shocking the man. Jin was in heaven at the feeling of your lips on his and he almost cried when the kiss was over, your big smile aimed at him ones he opened his eyes again.

     “That sounds nice, Jinnie.” You verbally respond to his words, making the others silently cheer at your acceptance.

     You move to snuggle back into the couch, only for Jin’s hand to move into your line of vision, his palm up and ready for you to take. You look up at him, confusion written on your face.

     “You didn’t think we were going to leave you here, did you?” Jin’s tone was teasing but held a real question, wondering if he didn’t make the plans obvious enough.

     You did actually think the plan was for you to stay in the practice room. You didn’t know what rooms you had access to yet, despite the boys saying you had access to everything they did. You didn’t know if they were just saying that or not.

     “Oh uhm, okay.” You didn’t answer his question, but the blush of embarrassment on your cheeks did. But Jin, nor the others, said anything about it. They knew the relationship between you all was still so new, so innocent that they didn’t want anything to go wrong, not like the incident earlier.

     You took his hand and he helped you up off the couch, not letting go of your hand as he led you out the doors and through the building until you reached the studio he was talking about.

     On the way to the studio, you walked by numerous staff members but your eyes stuck on the trainees who passed by as well. There were a couple groups of them, probably going from class to class, you thought. They bowed to your group a couple of times, some of them even stopping to bow a full ninety degrees. It was weird seeing it, but you knew it was a show of respect for the boys.

     Jin was first up to do his thing in the studio, your eyes barely catching the soft wink he sends you as he gives your hand a small squeeze before letting go and moving into the booth as your vision swept over the recording studio. There were buttons and keys of all kinds and you were curious and wanted to push every single one, needing to know what each button did.

     Hoseok caught your eye and put his hand on your lower back, moving you to sit in the producer’s chair and he knelt by your side. He knew it would take some time for Jin to get himself ready in the booth, so he took the time to indulge your curiosity.

     The others watched on as Hobi spoke animatedly about the digital audio workstation, pressing buttons and telling Jin to speak into the microphone to show what each button did. Hobi loved the way your eyes lit up when a particular button made Jin sound like a chipmunk. He loved the sparkle in your eye and the fascination with the workstation. He couldn’t help but imagine you and him in the studio one day, making a song together.

     When Jin was ready, Hobi let you stay in the chair, telling you what buttons to push while he instructed the room. Hobi, along with Namjoon and Yoongi, were in full producer mode now, but still held patience as you pushed the buttons and used the workstation.

     As each member went into the booth, Hobi would let you know how to save the audio and would give you the biggest smile and praise you for your work and help.

     “You could be our producer!” He smiled so wide that you ended up blushing under his praise. You felt like a little kid, wanting to do anything to make Hobi smile and praise you again.

     “No, no. I’m just pushing the buttons.” You tried to play it off but he just shook his head, shaking his finger at you.

     “Nope! You are now our producer.” He stated it with such conviction that you had to look away from him, not wanting him to see you blush, your cheeks surely lobster red by now.  

     Once the boys were done, two hours or so had passed. Hobi explained to you that they just needed to record some adlibs for their final song for the album, and that it would be quick. Having seen some “Bangtan Bombs” where the boys were in the studio, you could only guess they were normally here for hours and hours a day.

     You had been so relaxed and at ease that you didn’t even realize Hobi had slipped his hand in yours, intertwining your hands together so he could hold it. It took him helping you out of the chair for you to notice. You didn’t realize how easy it was to feel comfortable with Hobi, to feel like you had known him forever.

     Being with Hobi was easy and simple. Effortless.

     It was like you could go to him for anything and you knew he would just smile and listen to you. It also helped that he had a penchant for squeezing your hand in reassurance, as if speaking to you in morse code. He just smiles softly at you and hums under his breath. His actions speak louder than his words, the silence filled with so much that you don’t even notice the silence when you’re with him.

      As you all move to the big SUV to go to the restaurant the boys rented out, you pull Hobi so sit next to you, feeling the same way you did with Jungkook the previous day. You wanted to see who he was beyond the cameras of Bangtan that you got to know him from. You had a sweet smile on your face, giving his hand a gentle squeeze as you laid your head on his shoulders, smiling softly, wanting to stay in this moment for a little longer.

      The car ride was filled with music and lots of talking; Taehyung asking what the name of the restaurant was, Namjoon asking what kinds of movies we all wanted to watch that night, Jungkook asking what snacks we were going to have, all while you and Hobi just talked. You asked him about his family and he asked about yours.

      You already knew about his older sister, and he somewhat knew about your siblings, but he

still listened attentively as you talked about your family.

       “My older sister is protective and was the one to help me get my diagnosis after my mom passed. She went to every appointment with me and made sure I was eating and drinking. She actually made a joke at one point that you all would be my soulmates, and after I got off the phone with you the first time, I immediately called her.” Hobi smiled as he listened, glad to know that you had someone there for you when they couldn’t be. It hurt to know you suffered through so much in such a short time frame.

         He rubbed his thumb across the top of your hand, trying to soothe you as he noticed your voice shaking a little.

        “My brother, on the other hand, is also protective, but like the stereotypical older brother way. He is the only other one of us who has met his soulmate. Lena is super sweet and they met in middle school. She’s like an older sister to me.” At some point, everyone else in the car had stopped their conversations to listen to you. They wanted to know everything they could, and they loved knowing you had a supportive family by your side.

        When you got to the restaurant, you ended up sitting in between Hobi and Jungkook at the large booth. Jin took control of ordering the food, while Hobi and Jungkook whispered to you what Jin was ordering so you knew what was going on. It was really sweet.

       While waiting for the food, you joined in on the movie conversation that Namjoon and Jimin had started. They seemed to be fighting over two different movies and you questioned why you couldn’t just watch them both. They looked at you and began trying to get you to see their point of view.

        “We don’t want to watch it again because its boring…”

        “He always falls asleep during the best parts!”

        “There are so many mindless plot points that…”

         Your head was whipping back and forth as you tried to keep up with their arguments, the boys speaking so fast you eventually had to give up. You sat back down in your seat, returning the soft smiles that Jin and Yoongi gave you from across the table.

        “It’s okay, pretty girl. They always get this way about movies. We tend to just pick one out and put it on before they notice anyways.” Hobi leans over and whispers in your ear, making you nod your head in understanding.

         “They get passionate like this over movies, huh?” You ask, almost rhetorically, as you watch it firsthand. You smiled as you watched them, Jimin throwing sass making Namjoon roll his eyes at the younger man.

         “They are more alike than I think they realize.” Hobi whispers back, “They are both passionate beings. Just in different ways. But they both have strong feelings about what they believe in, which makes the debate about which movie to watch an entertaining and sometimes chaotic event.” Hearing his words, you had a new perspective for the two boys, not even just in the capacity of arguing. It was like a new light shown on the two men and it had you wanting to know more about them.

         After Hobi’s words, a multitude of waiters came over and placed plate upon plate of food down on the table. The entire table was covered with food and it was at this moment you realized just how much food the boys could eat. You guessed most of the plates would be empty by the time you all were ready to leave.

         Your guess was cemented once Jin grabbed his first piece of food, signaling to everyone else that they could start. You didn’t know what to grab, everything looking so good, that you were kind of sitting there in awe. You were shaken out of it though once you saw chopsticks placing meat onto your empty plate.

       Hobi, on pure instinct, was making sure you had enough food on your plate before everyone else got their pick. He tried giving you a little of everything, but he also gave you some extra meat pieces, knowing you had a liking for them from your KBBQ trip with the maknaes.

       Once Hobi put the first piece of meat on your plate, however, Taehyung and Jungkook noticed and also began putting food on your plate. Soon enough your plate was overflowing with food, and you had to stop your mates from continuing to give you more food.

        It was a sweet gesture, but you couldn’t even make a dent in your plate. You ate slowly, savoring every flavor and taste you could. Despite not being used to Korean cuisine yet, you were slowly falling in love with all of it. Unfortunately, you could not handle any spice. You wanted to, but your mouth would slowly descend into flames if you even tried to eat anything even remotely spicy.

        So, at one point, you’re pretty sure you asked for a drink refill three times within ten minutes.

        “Are you okay?” Jungkook asked you, noticing you fanning your mouth from the heat as you slowly chewed your food.

        “Uhm, yeah.” Your voice was pitched higher as you tried to reassure him you were fine, eyes watering and cheeks heating up.

        Jungkook just quirked his eyebrow at you, automatically catching you in your lie. Taehyung was the same way with spicy foods, so Jungkook knew you were battling against the foods he had put on your plate. He didn’t mean to, he only wanted you to be able to try everything.

        Movement from the side caught your attention, as Hobi found a small empty plate and began removing everything on your own plate that was spicy and depositing it onto the smaller plate with the help of Taehyung. They both had seen how you reacted to the food and Taehyung helped tell Hobi everything that would give you trouble, knowing from experience.

         It was nice and heartwarming; it didn’t make you feel like a burden. Normally if this happened, if you tried to do something about it, like ordering a glass of milk, you friends would make fun of you, or your family would complain that they had to always go through the trouble of not getting what they wanted because you couldn’t handle anything spicy.

        Despite having a supportive and loving family, it was hard not to feel like you were a burden growing up. Sometimes a single scoff or deep breath of air from someone could have you becoming silent, trying to hide behind your hair.

        The boys didn’t make you feel this way. They didn’t make exaggerated movements as they removed the spicy food from your plate; they only sent you reassuring smiles and glances as they made sure they removed everything.

        “It’s okay, baby. I don’t like spicy foods either.” Taehyung reassured you again, before starting to eat his food, not giving the situation a second glance or thought. It was nice and left you smiling as you continued to eat slowly, still struggling with using the chopsticks you were given.

        For your first meal with everyone, the boys wanted to document it.

        “Okay everyone, smoosh together!” Jin yelled out so he could get everyone into frame on his phone. He was the one taking the selfie, his long arms giving him the advantage as he sat at the end of the table.

        You had your cheeks almost pressed to Hobi’s as he had an arm around your shoulder. Your height was not giving you any advantage as you tried not to be hidden by anyone. You were standing on your tippy toes and smiling as big as you could, showing just how truly happy you were in the moment.

        This was the first time you truly felt a part of the soul group and connected to each of the boys.

        “Okay…and 3, 2, 1!” You blinked as the flash went off, hoping that your eyes weren’t closed in the photo. Jin took a couple of pictures, each one had everyone doing something different, at one point, Jungkook and Hobi both pushed their fingertips into your cheeks causing laughter to bubble from your throat.

        “Are you gonna post those on Weverse, Hyung?” Jungkook asked once the photos were taken and everyone was moving towards the doors, content from their bellies being full.

        The boys had all tried being active on all of their social media, but they were all still partial to Weverse, liking that they got to interact firsthand with Army. They loved reading the comments on their posts and hoped that you would come to as well.

        “Yeah, but I don’t know which one to post.” Jin responded but knew he would probably post a different one to each of the Bangtan Official social media accounts.

        He zoomed into your face on the last photo, laughter clear on your face as your eyes were closed. He wanted to take more pictures of you, thinking you were the perfect muse for his camera. He couldn’t help but to think you were the perfect fit for them, for their soul bond.

        Jin was happy you were their missing piece.

[sunmizuiro]

This is a work of art!!! I would like to see Luci interact with the characters that are in the hotel more, they might become his friends too!!!

Vaggie and Luci being both fallen angels so they rely on each other but also Luci would wholeheartedly welcome Vaggie to the Morningstar Family and constantly ramble about how they both love Charlie so damn much. Overprotective as hell and I would love to see Luci help out Vaggie more with her wings and so she could practice her flying a bit more.. if she's open enough she could tell him what happened in details with Lute and well Adam, giving her comfort and treat her as his own daughter (we love dad Lucifer don't we)

Angel Dust and Lucifer not being close at first until Luci notices that Angel is quite a good guy and a strong one, as he slowly builds up a respect for him and he'll make sure to protect him at all cost like he'll protect all of Charlie's friends. Angel thinks very deeply about if he should tell the king himself about his deal with Val, but.. he doesn't want Charlie to get hurt- even if Luci is the most powerful being we don't know the power that comes with contracts yet. so he'll just keep his mouth shut but he would feel slightly bad that Charlie's dad isn't aware of what the fuck Val did to her.

Niffty and Luci wouldn't be that close but I think he finds it hilarious that some silly crazy lil girly is the one who killed Adam at the end of the day so every now and then he'll offer her some duckies and pancakes- whatever she likes because he can create anything. He'll smile just just slightly when he see her interact with Alastor, giving the look of 'huh, I guess that guy still has friends after all'.

I just like to headcanon that Luci would get quite comfortable inside the hotel and oh! He'll give ducks to everybody! Might as well leave that obscure lonely office of his and fill up all the hotel inside with rubber duckies!!

And well Lucifer and Husk? Anyone can rely on the old bartender who seen it all, I mean Luci doesn't like unholy shit but he'll realise slowly that Husk doesn't just give wine, but peek comfort and incredible understanding and empathy as they quite close enough to the point that Lucifer starts to respect Husk too and the feeling is mutual, he'll appreciate how much Husk can see right through someone's bullshit and they both share a dislike toward Alastor so more things in common!! Heard before that Husk might have liked magic in the past or is a magician so heck yeah Luci might as well show off his powers or they can both play some cards and Luci would talk to Husk about Lulu World that he could give him a job there but that's when Husk tells him that him and Niffty are actually owned by Alastor's soul and well Luci realised that he really really don't know much more about the people inside the Hotel.

He would be surprised at first and feel awkward that everyone was aware of Charlie's daddy issues until he'll participate in the trust activities too and it'll be like a bit of a therapy of him, not going to fully heal his depression but he's trying his best.

(I have no idea if Charlie knows about Luci's depression but I feel like if she ever find out in their group therapy sessions she'll be devastated and understand more and more was a distant father, yes it still doesn't excuse I guess his absence because a parent is still a parent but she'll feel more closer to her dad and would want to help him out by staying with him forever as much as he desires. Poor guy is dealing with so much and have to also deal with Lilith not being by his side.)

-

Sobbing cutely while staring at his ring as Husk pat his back while others were hiding because they were worried about Luci and started to care deeply about him too 'Sniff- sniff... I miss my wife.. come back home please..'

I have so many comic ideas omg... We gotta make more content of the characters.

I'll write more about Alastor and it'll include how I want Lucifer's and Alastor's relationship to be (nope not the ship guys Lucilith otp).

The Greatest Showcat! [Lucihusk/Royalflush]

[addude]

SCP Biblical First Family

Got bored so gonna post up some ideas I have for biblical first family in the SCP. I intend to add these as SCPs later but gotta write them so that will take time Anyway…

*Adam had three wives, Lilith the first, Eve the third.

* The wives nor the children speak of the second. They will not speak her name, they will not describe her. They will at most acknowledge her as the second wife or simply as her. They aren’t sure if she is alive or dead. 

* Lilith didn’t want to have children, though called their mother she never actually gave birth to any of the kids. 

*Adam insisted that his children all consider his three wives as their mothers equally. 

* The children in order of birth Qayin (Cain) and his twin sister Luluwa (Lulu), Hevel (Able), Awan (Ava), Atzurah (Azura), Set (Seth.)

* Neither Cain nor Able are aware their other siblings have survived to the modern days. Seth is aware that two of his sisters are alive but never speaks to about them to the Foundation so they won’t be contained. He sees no need as they bring no attention to themselves and are no real threat.

* Lulu has some serious issues against Lilith. She adored Lilith like her real mother but as the oldest she remembers when Lilith left not only their father but her. To make things worse, she knows her father essentially named her after Lilith. Luluwa just being a derivation of Lilith.

* Eve did eat fruit from tree of wisdom and the tree of eternal life. Now she has knowledge she shouldn’t reasonably know and simply can’t die. She has mostly spent her time trying to protect humanity from anomalous even before she got involved with the foundation. 

* Eve is not a fan of traveling over water. If you were drowning for 40 days over and over again you wouldn’t be a fan either. 

* No member of the family will ever willing face the Gate Guardian. The picture would give many nightmares. Coincidentally if anyone plays SCP-2137  near them it will begin to speak Sumerian and has caused Eve to have a panic attack.

* Ava is one if not the first magic users,  she’s continued to practice and honed her skills over the centuries. A lot of modern thaumaturgy is based on her discoveries and teachings. 

* Ava looked up to her brother Cain, seeing him as someone she could relate to someone she could connect intellectually with. It broke her heart when she heard about what happened with Able. 

* Ava still loves her father but she fears him. She knows what he became and has actually worked on a spell that might be able to stop him. She is not eager to test it. 

* They all miss Azura, one day when they were children she went missing. No one found a body or found out what happened. Even centuries later it haunts them, they never got closure. 

* Lulu knows the origin of Cain’s arms. 

*Azura has dark blue eyes, to the point of having them look purple, she says the same thing as Elizabeth Taylor. She has black and white hair, she claims its Marie Antoinette  syndrome thing. No one is sure if she knows what that is.

*Azura has a close relationship to the Wondertainments. She calls Isabel Izzy and Reginald Reggie, and sometimes by his real name. Isabel calls her Wow. Their relationship complicated. Azura did pick the name Isabel.

* Ava in the modern era has actually earned multiple doctorates, thought she will admit the history ones are kind of cheat since she lived through history.

* Lulu is a charming and playful young woman. It would be possible to confuse this with some anomalous ability, but she just someone who knows how people work and what to say to get the right reactions.  

*Eve takes special measures to try and protect anomalous children. But in the end she is only one vote of 13.

*Eve actually checks in on SCP-53 regularly, as her anomaly doesn’t affect her being a reality anchor. The council knows this and allow it as they would rather have 53 forming a bond with Eve instead of being solely influence by 682.

* Lulu knew Thomas Edison and  Helena Blavatsky and together were involved with his spirit phone invention. 

* Ava looks down on the Serpent Hand. While she understands their good intentions she believes that world finding out about the anomalous would be disastrous. She also avoids the library, as she’d rather craft spells on her own and just wants to avoid alternate universe stuff.

* Azura actually ends up meeting up with her grandma fairly regularly.

*Eve has fallen in love a number of times. She's married, men and women, and occasionally raised families. It hurts her when they die. She remembers each and every one.

*Eve and Lord Blackwood were a thing, neither getting too serious because they had their own responsibilities and lives to live. Though if they ever stop to talk about it, they would consider slowing down even for a bit.

*Adam might have more children.

[diana-berry]

Been working on this oc for a bit, here she is!

Abilities-

Match made- As a matchmaker, Lulu is great at making pairs. When she pairs up two of her teammates, it allows them to switch abilities for 60 seconds. If the ability requires charging or as multiple, the teammate will receive the amount that the abilities owner was currently in possession of. To pair teammates, Lulu must encounter them first.

Matchmaker- As a matchmaker, it is imperative she have her notebook and pen with her at all times. Lulu cannot switch her ability with her teammates, nor can she possess any other items.

Perfect match- When teammates are paired, healing, vaulting, and decoding speed is increased by 10% for 90 seconds. When teammates are paired, Lulu’s healing, vaulting, and decoding speed is decreased by 20% for 90 seconds.

Problem solver- Lulu is good at problem solving and piecing things together. Fear radius is wider, being alerted to the hunters pursuit 3 seconds sooner.

Rumor- Valentine Angel is the mysterious matchmaker no one knows the true face of. No one knows how her pairings are so perfect. But if they knew the truth behind her methods, would they still be considered perfect?

1)Love

A young girl is standing with her mother. They are watching a man and another woman embrace each other.

Conclusion: I knew it was never true anyways. I know how to find true love.

2)Lonely

Mother was constantly surrounding herself in false comforts, while I had to pick up the mess.

Conclusion: A collection of photographs, many of which are torn up and pasted onto a wall.

3)Once again

A newspaper obituary: “Wendy Ruth Hopkins, 38, passed away on January 14th, 1931 from unknown causes, death is suspected to be caused by poison. Her loving heart will be remembered by the community.”

Conclusion: a photograph: a man and woman are hugging each other. Next to it is a journal entry: with that wretch gone, he realized his mistakes. This is how love is made.

4)Advice

A journal column in the local newspaper: Valentine Angel will solve all your love related issues.

Conclusion: A letter- dear Valentine, My boyfriend never spends time with me anymore, I wish he would realize how valuable I am. How do I get him to notice me?

Yours truly, Lynda

5)Accident

An accident report- Lynda Brook tripped over an oddly placed rock and fell into the road, causing her to get hit by a car. She’s alive but in critical condition. Her boyfriend Max was the first to the scene and has been by her side ever since.

Conclusion: A reply- Dear Lynda, sorry I am just now getting back to you. I hope you are doing well, I have heard about your accident. However I heard your boyfriend has been with you. I hope once you recover you can spend more time together. Get well soon, Valentine Angel

6)Something more

A letter- Dear Valentine, I have fallen madly in love with this girl, but she seems to think we are only friends. How do I get to see me as something more? Thank you so much, Robert

Conclusion:

A reply- Dear Robert, My advice to you is to talk to her. Tell her how important she is to you, not just as a friends. Fate works in mysterious ways. I think she will realize how important you are. Yours truly, Valentine Angel

7)Fate

A news report- Lilian Porter experienced an attempted abduction at her home on February 10th, 1931. The intruders were quickly apprehended by Robert Zabber who walked in on the scene.

Conclusion:

Dear Valentine Angel, I don’t know if you’ve heard, but the girl I love was almost abducted by fearsome intruders. I happened to be there at the right time. After I saved her we had a discussion and well… we are now dating! I feel like this event brought us together! I know you had nothing to do with it, but I feel like just writing to you made things better. Your advice was very helpful. You are truly an Angel. Yours truly, Robert

8)Suspicion

A letter- Dear Valentine, my name is Hannah. A friend of mine suggested I write to you about my love troubles, but quite frankly I don’t like the events surrounding you. Every time someone has written to you, something awful happened. I can’t help but think… I don’t know, maybe it’s crazy… you have something to do with it? No one knows who you really are, no one knows what connections you have. I fear you are dangerous, and if something happens to me, I will take it as a sign I was right. Sincerely, Hannah

Conclusion: A private reply- Dear Hannah, I hope you understand why I would be offended. I am simply giving love advice, do you really think that I, a human person would have the ability to do such things. I am keeping this between us as a the public has no business with such ridiculous accusations. Yours truly, Valentine Angel

9)Hurt

A letter is shredded into pieces with a note next to it- How dare she doubt me! She doesn’t understand. This is what is necessary for love to prevail.

Conclusion: A journal column- Hello lovely readers! I was going to keep this to myself at first, but I decided you deserved to know. It has come to my intention that some of you are doubting me and my advice. I just need you to know that I am genuine and that I know what I’m doing.

10)A chance

I haven’t gotten a letter in weeks. Have they really lost faith in me?

Conclusion: A letter- Dear Miss Lulu, I understand that you feel you are being doubted, and that you want to show your abilities as a matchmaker. Come to the address listed and we will make sure you will continue to give your great advice and share your skills as the one true match maker.

[favefandomimagines]

Soul Surfer 5

AN: shits gonna hit the fan..i’m sorry in advance. also, if this doesn’t do well, i’m contemplating taking a break from Soul Surfer or at least putting it on hold for a bit

The night of Friday’s Boneyard party was supposed to be great. It was supposed to go off without a hitch. But that was the opposite of what happened.

Violet was supposed to spend more time with JJ and actually see if the two could work. However, Violet learned that nothing was ever that easy in the Outer Banks.

__

Violet was at home, getting herself ready for the Boneyard party, when her balcony door opened.

“Knock, knock.” JJ appeared. “You could have used the front door you know.” Violet told the blonde. “Hey, you’re the one who said your balcony door was always open.” JJ rebutted, sitting on her bed.

“Well, since you’re here, how do I look? Sarah and Kie have differing opinions.” Violet asked.

The girl did a small spin in front of him, putting her outfit on full display. “You look stunning.” He commented. Violet gave him a bashful smile before looking back at her reflection.

“Come on, pretty girl. We have a party to get to.” JJ told the brunette as he pulled her away from the mirror.

__

It was just like any other summer night at the Boneyard. Violet and Kiara were sitting on a log by the fire, talking about a new fundraiser to save sea turtles. JJ on the other side of Violet, talking to John B and Pope.

Everything was fine until Rafe drunkenly stumbled upon the group of pogues.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t my favorite new Pogue.” He slurred, eyes focused on Violet. “Jesus Christ,” the brunette muttered.

“Leave her alone, Rafe.” Sarah told her older brother. “No. No, see I don’t want to do that.” He said. “Seriously, Rafe. I don’t want to talk to you.” Violet interjected.

Rafe’s eyes went dark as she stumbled closer to Violet, causing her to stand up from her seat. JJ then followed suit and protectively stood in front of her.

“Aw, does JJ have a little crush on Violet?” Rafe mocked. “Go home, Rafe.” JJ started. “Or what? You aren’t the only one who likes the new girl, Maybank.” Rafe started.

“And I bet she’d pick me over you if we asked her. Why choose you when she could have everything she ever wanted? With me.” He added.

Before Violet could add her own comeback, given she was standing right there, JJ pushed Rafe on to the sand.

JJ was on top of Rafe, punching him as all he saw was red. “JJ stop!” Violet yelled.

Violet hated violence. She hated it more than most things because she didn’t think it solved anyone’s problems. It only made them worse.

Rafe soon gained the upper hand and began punching JJ’s face in. “Rafe, that’s enough man!” Topper yelled, pulling his friend off JJ. John B helped the other boy off the sand before he stormed off.

“JJ!” Kiara called after him, the rest of his friends following. “Dude, stop!” John B yelled. “JJ, stop walking away!” Violet added. “What do you want, Violet?” JJ snapped, turning around quickly to face her. Ignoring the throbbing pain of his injuries.

“What the hell was that? Rafe could have killed you!” She said. “Really? You’re gonna yell at me for defending you?” JJ snapped. “Yes because it’s not worth it, JJ!” Violet yelled.

JJ scoffed before spitting blood on the sand. “You know what? You’re right. You aren’t worth it. I knew you wouldn’t fit in with us. You’re not Pogue. You’re just a sad little rich girl with mommy issues.” He snapped back at her.

All anger disappeared from Violet’s face and was quickly replaced with sadness and disgust. “JJ are you kidding?” Kiara scolded him.

Violet’s vision grew blurry as she glared at the boy who used to have her complete adoration. JJ used her biggest secret and the one thing she was ashamed of the most, against her over something stupid he did.

“I hate you.” She whispered, a few tears falling from her eyes, before turning and walking away.

It wasn’t until those three words left Violet’s lips and met his ears, did the realization of what JJ said hit him.

Kiara looked at her friend in disappointment before speaking. “What the hell is wrong with you? Why would you say that to her?” She yelled, before following after Violet.

Violet quickly became one of her best friends and hearing what JJ said to her made her extremely angry.

“Seriously, JJ?” Pope questioned, following Kie. “What did I just do?” JJ muttered, wanting it to just be a bad dream.

“JJ, why did you say that to Violet? I thought you liked her.” John B asked. “I do like her! I-I don’t know. I was mad at Rafe and I took it out on her.” JJ answered. John B gave his friend a sympathetic look before he himself walked away, leaving his friend alone.

__

Violet woke up the morning after the Boneyard completely drained. Well, she didn’t consider it waking up when she never fell asleep.

She stayed up all night either crying or staring blankly at the ceiling. Every time she closed her eyes she could see and hear JJ say those awful things to her.

That she didn’t belong with the pogues, she wasn’t worth it, sad girl with mommy issues.

“Vi, honey, wake up.” Rob said from the other side of the door. “I’m up.” She groaned. “You know what they say cheers people up?” He asked.

Violet rolled her eyes before replying. “What?” She asked. “A couple boards and some choice waves.” He answered.

The brunette furrowed her eyebrows before she got out of bed and opened the bedroom door.

“You got that from Lilo and Stitch.” She said, looking up at him. “Yeah and it always cheers you up.” Rob replied.

Violet looked at her dad for a moment before she groaned. “Fine. Let’s go.” She said.

The father-daughter pair got their board and Rob drove them to the beach. Violet looked out the open window, the breeze calming her only for a few moments. Rob looked over at his daughter briefly, not wanting to bring up what made her so upset.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” He asked. “Not really. I’d rather not drive into the fact that the guy I liked used my ‘mommy issues’ against me.” She answered.

“Maybe there’s something else going on with him. Something that made him lash out.” Rob said.

Rob always taught his daughter to give people the benefit of the doubt. There could be other factors or circumstances to make people lash out.

They arrived at the beach, it being early enough no one else was there. It was a routine they had that they’d surf early morning so it was only them and the waves.

Violet had to give it up to her father. Surfing did take her out of her head for a while. It made her think of the time that JJ Maybank wasn’t the center of her mind. Before she fell so quickly for a boy she barely knew.

“Feel any better?” Rob asked his daughter as they walked on the sand. “I’m not saying you’re right.” She joked. “Even though you know I was.” He said. “Okay sure. You were right.” Violet told him.

Rob could see that his daughter was still stuck in her head. “What’s going on?” He asked. “I just miss home. I miss Oahu.” Violet answered. “I know, kiddo. But this is our home now. I know it’s going to be hard after what happened with JJ but Kiara is still your friend. She stopped by last night to make sure you were okay.” Rob replied.

Before Violet was going to reply, she spotted Kiara walking towards her. “I’ll meet you back at the car.” Rob told her.

“Hey, Vi.” Kiara greeted her. “Hi, Kie.” Violet said. “How are you doing? After what happened?” Kiara asked. “Honestly, not good.” Violet answered. “I know JJ’s sorry. When he gets like that he just gets angry and lashes out. But I know it’s not an excuse for how he talked to you. You don’t deserve that.” Kiara said. “I wish I could just forgive him but,” Violet started.

The two were interrupted by JJ calling out to Violet. “Violet,” He started. “No.” She muttered as she turned to walk away with her board.

“Violet, please listen to me.” JJ begged. “Just stay away from me.” Violet snapped before she turned and walked away from Kiara and JJ.

JJ watched her walk away beating himself up for how he royally messed up.

Tag list: @outerbxmalia @hockeyschmockey @allie-mcginn @prejudic3 @sexualparkour @k-k0129 @iamaunicorn4704 @milamaybank @jj-maybabe @diverrdown @sweetwatermelonsugar @alexa-playafricabytoto @aaleksmorozova @fandom-phaser @princessmugglecup @infinityspaceuniverse @teamnick @lulbabes @frankiebcanon @srirachabi @starxdame @holadxrry @lopineapples @belledutchess @floridabornandraised @obbx-tings @x-lulu @hopelesswritingxd @prettyboyspence @junkiemuppettxx @shawnssongs @theloxersclub @99sxuxii @jeyramarie @miliefayy @rudths @y0ungandfuckingdumb @xealia @hotel-colson @bubblesam06 @outrbank @thebendslikebendover @wasted-on-5sos @booksandshish @drizzlethatfalls @runway-to-my-aid @never-ever-too-many-fandoms @xlittlemissydjx @strawberryblondies @haharudy @chickencrispers666 @simonsbluee @httpstarkey

[supercharmed-forever-mine]

On the rating of 10, how do you rate the writing of each legacies characters, why and who deserves better? What aspects should be improved?

I updated some of the opinion for clarity and also added Finch because I forgot her originally

I'll just make a list and go down it and I'm sorry in advance I love responding but I'm horrible at grammar/punctuation and also I might tend to ramble but I'll try to be as concise as possible. It should also be noted anything I state that might possibly relate to ships is a personal opinion and I have nothing against any ships/characters gay or straight/Good or Evil. However would it be said that I definitely mean more towards the gay/Badass with a Golden heart side of shipping with any fandom.

Hope Mikaelson- As of now I would rate her writing at about a 6. And I only say that because as we know a majority of her characters personality slightly has always but this season especially related to her relationship with Landon. And I wish we would see the Badass Tribrid Hope we've been promised since season 1 I mean sure there are no lack of examples of her bravery and martyrdom. But I am tired of her always feeling down on herself and like she's a cosmic mistake when it has literally been proven by Lizzie's wish in season 1 that their life would be infinitely shittier without her. What they can do to improve it is have her focus on friendship and herself instead of trying to always focus on Landon. She deserves more than just to be a boy obsessed character I mean she's the daughter of Klaus F****** Mikaelson for Pete sakes she literally descends from the most powerful supernatural family ever to exist and is rightfully the most powerful being on the f****** planet.

Note: I found Handon's relationship cutesy in season 1 but now not so much especially since they use him dying as a plot line way too often it just doesn't have the same effect that used to***

Josie Saltzman-As of now I would rate her writing at about an 8. I like how her character at least for a while had her own storyline going off the mystic falls High School plotline and how she lived with delena because it was a good call back for us TVD fans but I think it could have definitely lasted longer than a few episodes. We all know it was just used as a lot device to introduce Ethan as a series regular and as an introduction for her to Finch's character. But overall I feel throughout the seasons she has experienced at least some personal growth as exhibited even in 3x15 where she admitted she has to stop saying sorry especially to Lizzie for not always jumping to do what she needs / she wants all the time. Whereas before Android AU version aside because she literally had to do what she was programmed to do. She has an exhibited that she's starting to do what she needs to do for Josie before others most of the time or she's trying to. And as far as her relationship to Finch well I don't see them being endgame I have no problem with them and I do see Finch being one of her major loves of the series that teaches her whatever lesson she needs that leads her to whoever her endgame love is. With her relationships I will always miss Posie and I wish they could get Lulu back at least just for one episode. Also I feel these last two episodes of the girls being a trio they have a really Been serving Hosie with the looks but also I feel like in general Josie and Hope have been really in f****** tune. In conclusion I just don't know because Kaylee's acting skills and just turning general I would rate a billion she could choke me and I would literally thank her.

Lizzie Saltzman-as of now I would rate her at about a 7. I feel as if she has had great personal growth over the series and hell even this season. I also like hell despite everything in her life especially her eternal struggle with her mental illness she is always trying to do better and not just for herself but mainly for others and some people would say that's not good but I like it because it truly shows what she stated in 1x03 during the gargoyle incident that she never wants to be the bad or evil one. She has all this s*** thrown at her being called broken, being seen as the lesser than sister, and not to mention the absentee parents. Yet through all this she manages to only get stronger especially once she builds a genuine friendship with hope. However what I will say is that I don't like the regression of her friendship with Hope in correlation to her progress of especially her mental illness. And what I mean by that is it's almost been shown that once she had even the seeds of a true friendship with Hope that Hope would never give up on her hell not but like even an episode or two into their newly formed friendship in S1 Hope went to Josie when she Lizzie was on the verge of a bad episode and "sweet" Josie was basically like fuck her she needs to fall on her ass for once and Hope ass was appalled y'all she was like Lizzie can't control her brain chemistry and was so defensive/protective it's like once they got over that hurdle that mainly Josie gave them everything clicked into place and they were almost instant bff's. So for them to do so good in season 2 and then it seems like it showed especially in these last several episodes black magic incident to bring Landon back aside that Lizzie's old issues of resentment and jealousy towards hope are starting to come back and I don't like that because the more Lizzie had A Friend in Hope it seems like the better she got at coping and doing better mentally.(sorry if this has been a confusing several sentences). And no by that I do not mean that Lizzie is mental progress has solely relied on Hope but I do think it has helped significantly for her to have a true friend. Also let it be noted now out of every ship though I should Hosie too HIZZIE is my #1 ship on Legacies two phenomenally beautiful woman also the enemies to friends to lovers trope *chef's kiss*which might be plausible as I always wondered what they meant in the Hosie crush confession scene of season 1 when Josie said that she always went after everybody josie liked hinting that Lizzie might be at least bisexual or maybe that was just what Josie perceived at like 12/13 years old. Also on the note of relationships Mizzie was a cute concept at the beginning but I do love the fact that MG is finally finding himself and standing up for himself but he did also do it and I kind of a******-ish way towards Lizzie. And that's all I can say for her. Actually I could probably write a novel on this women and also Hizzie but I won't lol.

Alaric Saltzman- As of now I would give him a rating of like a 4 . In the last several episodes I think he's been trying to make progress at being a better person but that's about all I can say I'm not an anti. But he definitely will not be winning the father of the year award anytime soon and like many people have pointed out he was a great guardian to Elena and Jeremy so he has the potential in parenting he obviously just ain't using it or lost it over the decades. I don't hate him but I do believe they're doing a discredit towards the better man he was in The vampire Diaries especially at the beginning.

Landon Kirby-His writing is like a 3. He is just there to be arm candy for hope. Until the last couple episodes where he became this for once realistic not optimistic hardened badass he literally brought nothing to The season other than someone for Hope to obsess over. And to be someone that they repeatedly kill for shock value even though it literally shocks no one anymore. I don't hate his character but he doesn't tickle My Fancy as much anymore. His character has a lot of potentialy especially if they ever bring back in his Phoenix side and truly explore it beyond his almost endless ability to revive and being a "Bird Boy" lol. I mean truthfully they're doing him a disservice Aria is a phenomenal actor who could take his character places if they just let him be more than a basic ass plot device. Also can we talk about how gorgeous of a man Aria is especially in these last few episodes looking love it and fine as f***.

As it has become apparent to me I ramble too much and I just don't have the capacity as it is now almost 1:00 in the morning my time to do anymore characters in depth so I will be doing a simple excerpt for the rest now that I have done the main 5 people.

Kaleb Hawkins- His writing is a 8. I do like how he's coming to himself over the years and is a a right hand man to Alaric now instead of being just a uncontrollable vampire(the only hate on this part not towards Kaleb but Alaric is that it shows he will virtually mentor/uplift almost any teen that ain't his own daughters). Though in my opinion he always kind of had a point on some things especially about the hypocrisy of Alaric in season 1 especially on the bmood drinking thing. Him and Mg's relationship is awesome I'm glad they made up in the last episode and our brothers again. Also I was rooting for him and Cleo I think they would be a cute little couple. Also I need his backstory immediately especially after saying to Cleo the last time he was vulnerable he died I need to know how he turned.

Milton Greasley(MG)- His writing is a 9 the season. I say that because he is really came into his own and stopped being the punching bag. Though I think the idea or used to think at least that him and Lizzie would be cute together I am proud of him for standing up to Lizzie finally even though I liked him always being there for her I was tired of him being a fallback for her when it didn't work with whoever however I do think he could have went about the rejection a little bit gentler especially with how he knows of Lizzie's emotional problems. And don't even get me started on Alyssa that was just a disaster that should have never even been brought to fruition her cheating with Jed was probably the best thing that could have happened. I liked his little side adventure with Ethan though I do think they could have wrote it a little better I was sad when he had to compel the memories away like they still could have been friends he just couldn't have known about the supernatural stuff also I'm still not convinced Ethan won't become supernatural later in the series if he stays on. And that's all I have to say on that one love my baby.

Jed Tien-His writing I can't really give a writing I don't think it's horrible but I do think overall they could give him a better plot line as a series regular other than just being used for the comical relief eye candy/mentioning how he's the alpha. Though it was funny the whole pool tournament to decide who was alpha will Finch was just exactly that so bad it was laughable. However I do respect the fact that he even admitted to her that he knew she threw the game and that he is a genuine man of his word and has become better over the series from like this dumb jock stereotype to this genuine dude the Alyssa incident aside. He is a cinnamon roll and I will protect him at all cost.

Ethan- Again as he just became a series regular this season and barely showed up in his premiere season. I will not be rating him in any traditional sense. His writing is not totally horrible I liked his adventures with mg they could have been written better and they still could have let him be MG's friend without supernatural knowledge instead of compelling the friendship completely away. And I am still not convinced he will not become supernatural in some way depending on how long he stays in the series truthfully it's actually almost inevitable unless they go the whole route of making him the Matt/Token Human of the show which I really hope they don't I mean he can stay human but don't make him a supernatural hater.

Cleo-her writing is 10. I say that because she has been a phenomenal character and I've never seen the actress before but she is obviously phenomenal as well. I like her whole connection to Malivore and how it's a legitimate one that seems to be interwoven with the story that's already been presented and add something new. I also like how she tried and really wanted to genuinely be friends with all the characters especially hope but at the same time she was also very realistic and new probably and truthfully the only way for Malivore to be defeated was for Hope to Go full Tribrid and she wasn't above actually trying to murder hope to save herself and just get rid of Malivore which I can't blame her.

Malivore-after the end of season 3 / the first couple episodes of season 4 which were supposed to be the original ending to season 3 I better never hear the name again I am so tired of it this should have ended like at least a season ago at this point it's dragging on. This was supposed to be a monster of the week type of series which is okay me personally I have always appreciated having one big bad of the season and then a couple of minor baddies that get their characters arcs and take a few episodes to defeat or something as like a B or C plot. Point being is that this character and plot line has gotten stiff as can be. To be honest I think half of us aren't even here for plot line anymore we just want to see which of our ships get together.

Finch-I am loving her character and I do think she's cute with Josie. Also I stan anyone who is a sarcastic b**** Queen. I think it's nice how her will backstory was different than the traditional one but also I hated how sad it was like she literally didn't even know what she was doing. Though I will say calling Lizzie the "evil" twin that she can fight me because you don't talk about my blonde cinnamon roll like that is based on one impression from something that was only meant and done out of a good place and Lizzie's heart trying to find out her backstory. But other than that I have no real qualms with this character and it is too early to have a real in-depth analysis/opinion of her.

Thank you for reading this long rant hope I answered your question well enough if not PM me on anything specific.

[allthingshetalia]

Hey😁 sorry to bother you but I read a really sad fanfic where Germany cheated and it made me really sad so can I please request some fluffy scenario where the reader has trust issues and thinks he's cheating but he's not? Or something like that 💕💕💕💕

💕Cheating fanfics always seem so real and it’s scary💕

You couldn’t help it. Even when he was just 10 minutes late the thought would slowly creep into your mind. Your imagination seemed like it would purposely hurt you by making you imagined him in such a way.

Flashes of him with another woman would strike your mind. Him kissing her. Her laying on his chest and drawing faint shapes into his chest, like you do every morning. Her curling herself around him as he softly strokes her back and kisses her forhead. Him looking at her with the same melted gaze that you had been rewarded with so many times.

These situation are all fake of course. You wanted believe he would never do anything like that. And deep down you knew he wouldn’t but there was always some part of you that was insecure. A small tear escaped your eye and you quickly brushed it away, scolding yourself for being so sensitive.

You really didn’t know just how much you meant to him. It wasn’t your fault though. Being hurt and betrayed in such a way would leave you to have trust issues no matter what he did. You just don’t want him to think you are clingy or paranoid.

He was thirty minutes late tonight. You curled yourself on the couch with the dogs laying on the floor below you. The volume on the TV was louder than usual, like it would drown out all of your negative thoughts. You wondered for a moment if you should call him and ask him where he was.

‘That’ll make him wanna leave me.’ You thought bitterly. You knew it was important to give someone space. He never questioned you when you were late. Well he would send you a little text asking if you were alright, but he would never demand your location.

The sound of a key sliding in the keyhole made you relax slightly. He fiddled with it for a moment before the door opened. You breathed a sigh of relief and threw yourself off the couch. The dogs jumped up and ran to greet their dad. You quickly mde your way to the foyer and wrapped your arms around his waist.

“Someone missed me.” He chuckled deeply. You nodded your head, enjoying the comfort that rolled off of him. He kisses the top of your head and squeezed you to him. “Are you okay?” He mumbled. You realized you had been holding onto him for a while and quickly retracted your arms.

“Yes, I just missed you.” You smiled. His eyes sparkled and he held up your favorite take out.

“Look what I have.” He waved the food infront of your face, chuckling as your eyes twinkled.

“Is that why you were late?” You asked. You took the bag away from him and hopped over to the couch. He hummed and shrugged off his jacket.

“Ja, I would have texted you but I wanted it to be a surprise.” He explained. He kicked off his shoes and plopped down on the couch next to you. Your grabbed your to go box and utensil and curled up against his side. He wrapped an arm around you and held his own food. “Are you sure You’re okay?” He asked. He looked over at you. “You’re eyes are red, have you been crying?” He placed his food down and cupped you face in his hands. His thumbs skimmed the flesh just below your eyes.

“Yes I’m fine, I promise.” You assured. He raised a brow at you. “Allergies.” You emphasized. He relaxed and grabbed his food again.

“You know you can tell me anything, right?” He hummed softly. He kept his gaze fixed on the TV even when you looked up at him.

“Anything?” You mumbled.

“Anything.” He affirmed immediately.

“Even if it’s really stupid?” You asked.

“Spit it out, Kätzchen.” His eyes left the TV and he looked down at you.

“You remember my last boyfriend.” You started, slowly. His grip on you tightened and he pinched you to his side. He nodded his head slowly, his eyes looking a little nervous. “Well we broke up because he cheated on me.” You continued. Ludwig looked down at you with confused eyes.

“It’s really stupid and I know how stupid it is, but sometimes when you’re late I just get a little nervous.” You rushed out. “And my mind goes to the worst places.” You whispered. He nodded his head in understanding.

“Why didn’t you tell me before?” He questioned. He set his and your food down on the table and moved so you were pressed against his chest and his arms wrapped under your bum, holding you up. You shrugged and fiddled with the collar of his shirt.

“I just didn’t want you to feel bad if you were late. I want you to have your freedom- you need your freedom. But I can’t help it.” You sighed. “I don’t want you to think I don’t trust you, because I do. It’s just hard because I trusted him too and then he cheated on me.” You rested your forehead against his shoulder.

“I’m sorry you had to go through that.” He murmured. He pressed a quick kiss to your temple and rested his cheek against the side of your head. “You know I would never do that though. If you ever have any doubts just tell me. You can have access to whatever you want- except a few documents in my office but that’s for your own safety. It’s okay if you don’t trust me entirely yet. It’ll take sometime for you to, and I promise I’ll make it easy for you to trust me.” He soothed. You removed your head from his shoulder and leaned back in his arms.

“Thank you LuLu.” You giggled, when he flushed at the nickname. “That really means a lot to me.” He smiled and placed you back down on the couch.

“You’re welcome, Kätzchen.”

[shiroganeryo]

D.Gray-Man Tag!

I got tagged by my friend Violet to hop into this little game she made, and there are few things I love more than babbling about DGM, so let’s go! The rules are to tag three people to get the game going, so I’ll do it at the start because this will get looong. I’ll tag @14th-melody, @metzzi and @rudimentor0x0. Here’s the blank post. Sorry if you have already done it, I might’ve missed the posts ;;

⭐ What year did you first get into DGM? Hmm, actually, that’s a hard question because I didn’t get into it right away? If memory serves me right about what grade I was in high school when that happened, I was 15 - so, 2008. Pull a chair, I’ll tell you how that went. It was actually a recommendation from a friend of my best friend; we weren’t particularly close, I just knew he and I had a similar taste for anime/manga and I was looking for getting into a new series... but I wanted it to be worthwhile. So I asked my bestie if her friend wouldn’t give me a rec. He recommended me D.Gray-Man, and just like I do before watching any series, I watched the first opening to get an overall “feel” of it and I quite liked it: cool aesthetic, music was dope, characters were nice-looking. But, for some reason, I didn’t watch it and eventually forgot about it.

Then, one day on my way back home from school, I stopped by a nearby newspaper stand since here they also sell manga. They were all very cheap at that time, so I would often look for new volumes of the titles I was collecting (my allowance was enough to buy two or three!). I saw DGM’s first volume there, and went “oh! It’s that one series he had recommended me! I’ll take it and finally give it a shot.”

I fell in love.

I really liked it at first, but the point where DGM completely won my heart was during Lala’s arc. I had never cried with a manga before. 

⭐ Who’s your favorite character? This is probably very unoriginal, but it’s Allen! At the start I was very lukewarm about him, but as time went on, I felt like I could relate more and more to that kind-hearted boy and he became my role model. DGM has been with me through some of the worst of my life, and Allen’s resolve to keep going, keep walking, no matter how hard things were for him was what motivated me many times in past. It still does. Allen also taught me to be kinder and through him I realized being there for others makes me truly happy. Sadly, I also share with him the same trait of being unable to truly see how appreciated I am and all the good I bring others just for being there... But I’m working on that! He became the first character I felt like I could fully relate to, and I was surprised - but still very happy - to realize that, now that I’m an adult with more experience and maturity, I feel like I can understand him even more and better than before. Our connection didn’t wane with time, I feel so much closer to him now. He’s very special to me.

Standing at the second spot - because it’s also fair I would mention her -, is Miranda! I always say that if Allen didn’t exist, Miranda would be my number 1 since she stands so close to him hahaha After him, she’s another character I deeply relate with. My self-esteem isn’t the best out there so I’m quick to think I’m worthless or useless, just like her. Even so, she wouldn’t give up. Every time I felt like giving up because of auto depreciation, I would think “Miranda would try again, she would work harder”.

It’s like the two of them were walking me through the steps so I could move forward and keep doing my best.

⭐ Who’s your least favorite character? I’m going to say Chaozii. But, before we get to the usual “Chaozii slander” we’re used to doing in this fandom, let me elaborate. It has nothing to do with him not siding with Allen. As much as I love Allen, I know we’re able of sympathizing with his ideals because as the readers we have a plethora of information on his motives; if not for that, we would probably take the same stance as Chaozii has taken about him.

What riles me about Chaozii is that, unlike all of the characters, his mindset is either black or white, good or bad. Everyone seems to have a perfect mix of both, showing many facets just like, well, real, imperfect people. Chaozii is the only one who doesn’t have that. Being simple-minded is not a bad trait, but when that clouds your judgement, then it turns into a bad thing.

It all fell apart when he snapped at Allen when he refused to kill Tyki. That particularly bothered me a ton, even if I understand his feelings. Chaozii, who thought it was wrong and cruel to kill humans and was grieving for his lost comrades, was fine with killing a human whom he wasn’t even sure if was being forced to do things or not. Do you see the issue here? Chaozii never feels to me like he’s striving to do the right thing in order to bring justice, but instead, because he wants revenge.

I hope he does get to learn one thing or two in the future. He has potential to be a great character; but he needs a “redemption” first.

⭐ Who’s your favorite general? Tiedoll! Although I like all of them for different reasons. I really love Cross and differently from what some people think, he did care for Allen and I love their rather dysfunctional relationship. He’s a much deeper character than just a womanizer full of fishy shenanigans. He’s also really badass: former scientist, user of magic, (former) wielder of both an Innocence of his own and another person’s (Grave of Maria). I just happen to love Tiedoll a liiiittle more because I can’t take this guy! He’s just so sweet, and his doting nature makes him both funny and lovely. General Sokalo is really cool and all, but I feel like he’s just a cool guy to me. On a side note, General Klaud could step on me and kill me and I’d thank her. I hope we get to learn more about her Innocence sometime.

⭐ Who’s a character you would get along with? I would love to say it’s Allen, but he’s someone really hard to get close to. If I think about the characters I’d like to befriend because of shared traits or interests, I think I could get along well with Miranda, Krory, and Marie. The first two because they’re two softies who just happen to be really awkward, I feel like I would probably befriend them after trying to comfort them too often. And, the latter, because I’m a person who likes calm company whom I can have honest talks with.

⭐ What kind of innocence would you have? I honestly have no idea. If I had to pick one from the ones we already have, I think I would go with the Dark Boots. Being able to fly and maneuver in mid-air would be a dream come true, I feel the happiest when the wind blows against me. If I have to think of something “for me” specifically, I think I would like a long range Innocence. I particularly like firearm-like weapons like guns, so maybe a gun or dual pistols? Yeah, I think I’d really like the dual pistols.

⭐ What’s your favorite ship? Ah, to be in the DGM fandom is to be a multishipper; yet this is the part where I always get nervous at because my favorite is a rarepair. But!!! I’m building up the courage to be more open about (and less self-judgmental of) the things I like. It’s Allen x Miranda. I don’t really know when it started; from what I said before, you already know they’re both my top favorite characters and very special to me, so I naturally loved it when I saw them sharing screentime. When I realized it, I was looking at them and thinking “they would make such a cute couple together”. It just kinda happened.

To keep this short, there’s this blog I really like explaining about this pair’s dynamics. I think they have a great dynamic together and much potential. They could very easily have a wholesome relationship based in lots of patience and mutually covering the other’s weaknesses and helping them become someone better. These are the best kinds of relationships imo. I hope to share some of my headcanons for them (and even writing, hopefully!) sometime in here. I always picture Allen being older, so that gives me some free room for creativity; it doesn’t look like he has time for romantic love right now, and I don’t really feel comfortable with him being a minor for this ship, so both things go hand in hand.

Honorable mentions go to Link x Allen (again, older!Allen), Yulma and LaviLena, as I also get super happy when I see these particular shippings. 

⭐ What’s your least favorite ship? I actually have some, but it goes against my policies to publicly (consciously) say negative things about certain things if I can help it. I know I’m allowed to have opinions, but you never know who can stumble upon it and what I dislike can be something that makes someone really happy, you know? I tend to stay silent about such things when it comes to something as harmless as shippings.

So, I think I can say I’m accepting of everything as long as everyone respects each other! And, of course, if it isn’t distasteful (as in, illegal).

⭐ What branch would you want to be part of? We’ve only seen the European and Asian branches properly before but even if there aren’t many choices, this is still a hard question; I think both have lots of good things going for them. I think I would probably want to settle with the Asian Branch! I love how lively the atmosphere is and I also feel like there are way less science division shenanigans in there... Sorry, Komui. 

⭐ What’s your favorite arc? I have three! The Rewinding City arc came right after Lala’s arc - that had touched me a lot -, bringing in even more feels. It introduced Miranda and at the blink of an eye, made me care so much about her. The first activation of Time Record after she protected Allen, followed by his thanks to her hit so hard; I get really emotional talking about it. It was such a great, yet touching moment. I think everyone can relate to that; being worthy of receiving gratitude for something they did for someone.

Then, there’s Lulu Bell’s Invasion of the Black Order arc, followed by the appearance of the Level 4 Akuma. I can’t express into words how great the flow of the elements are there. The plot is focusing on multiple characters with their own background dramas happening, all at once, yet none of it feels out of place. Everyone gets their moment, everyone contributes to the big picture (saving the staff and defeating the Akumas). It all felt like one big collective effort of several parts uniting forces, no one was more or less important than the other. It was expertisely done.

And the last mention goes to the Searching for A.W’s arcs (Saying Goodbye to A.W also included). These arcs are being extremely painful but, at the same time, also extremely rewarding to go through. For the first time ever, we’re seeing Allen give in to his wants and acknowledge his feelings; he’s not honest with himself very often, and seeing him actually admit that he still wanted to go on - for himself -, that he still wanted to hold onto hope was something that I suddenly realized I had always wanted to see him do. It’s like I had been waiting for so long. Allen is growing up, and I’m loving to see the part Johnny and Kanda are playing in this. I could talk all day about how happy it makes me, to feel this much hope in the midst of such a difficult situation these arcs are covering. It captures very well the essence of D.Gray-Man imo: the bittersweetness of the hardships of life, and the good things it makes us realize we have had all along. The people we have by our side. The will to continue moving forward because we still have something we love and want to fight for.

Whew, I expected this would get long but guess I got too carried away; those were amazing questions to answer to! If you read until now, you have my most sincere gratitude and appreciation. I wish you have a lovely day! 😊

[extemporaneousmusings]

2020 reflections below

To be honest, 2020 has been the best year I’ve had since 2016. Obviously on a global scale it has been absolutely devastating, and there are aspects of my life that were significantly impacted by the pandemic—I had to leave Greece suddenly in March, several months earlier than anticipated, and in doing so lost some crucial time that I was supposed to have spent with the physical materials of my dissertation—but on a personal level this year has been the most stable and comfortable I’ve been since my accident in 2017. I was not dealing with a massive physical or mental health crisis, or the immediate aftermaths of either of those things, and that is something I do not take lightly.

I spent the first 3 months of the year hiking across Greece, basically. It was really tough—I was pretty depressed, although my meds had just been boosted so I was feeling better than I had in fall of 2019, and obviously missing Ian and Macy was not an easy thing to sit with—but I did it! I had literally planned my entire life for the past 5 years around this time in Greece, and even though we didn’t completely finish the program and the scheduled trips, I still accomplished what I set out to do: I was able to do the hikes and got to explore the country that I love. After my accident, my sole goal was to be able to get my ankle to a place where I could do the program. It was really fucking hard, and there’s still so much more work I can do on my ankle (which is a source of deep resentment for me, something I’m working on) but at the end of the day, I got myself to a place where I could, with some difficulty, do this really physically strenuous thing that had been such a major goal of mine for years. I got to travel the Greek countryside and see hundreds of archaeological sites in a way that is basically impossible unless you’re doing it with the American School. Mentally I was not as present as I would have liked to be, which is something I think I’ll always regret, but I gave it all I had, mentally and physically. Even if I am hazy on a lot of the details, I’ll remember the exultant physical sensations of reaching a peak and taking in the view below, the sweet succulent taste of oranges in the height of their season, plucked straight off the tree, searching every museum for my pots, pushing myself physically to the limit every day but still being able to wake up and do it again the next, trying regional cuisine from across the country, and the camaraderie that all of us built together on that bus and on those hikes. And of course, the saving grace and defining point of the school year for me was spending time with Ev. He already was one of my best friends, so the opportunity to go on this adventure together was so exciting, but he really kept me sane, made me laugh with his stupid fucking jokes, stayed in the back of the pack with me when I was having especially bad ankle days, and our companionship brought me so much joy and support. It’s very likely that we’ll never live in the same place together again, and I will always cherish the time we had together this past year.

My life since returning to Cincy in March has been very stable and consistent. Except for having to TA on campus on Friday’s during the fall, we’ve both just been at home. E’s been out of a job the whole time, but we are very lucky that (bc Cincy is so affordable) just my grad student salary has been able to financially support us. Money is tight, all my savings are gone after Macy’s surgery in July, but we are very lucky to have support systems to rely upon should we need to (fingers crossed we won’t), and that for now, just my income alone can pay all of the bills so that Ian does not have to be on the front lines at the bar, physically interacting with everyone who is still comfortable and selfish enough to be out partying during a global pandemic.

The biggest joy for me of this year was getting to spend 8 beautiful months with Macy. We had her for 3 months before I left for Greece last September, but I feel so blessed to have had more time with the three of us as a family this year, and to spend so much uninterrupted time with her because we were just in the apartment all of the time. I’ve written what seems like a lot about losing her, so I’m not really going to dwell on it, but despite her death I am still so happy to have had the time with her that I did, and to have loved and been so loved in return. I’m hopeful that I can build a relationship with Lulu like I had with Macy, and that as she settles in and settles down, and becomes secure in this new home, that our new family of three can thrive. Another element to this is the fact that basically our only physical socialization with friends came from going on dog walks, mainly with S&D. Since March we’ve seen them almost weekly and it’s been such a good routine and way to see them safely. We’ll all be getting more of a workout with Lulu, though. She’s much more intense about walks than Macy was.

When I first got back from Greece, I needed to just luxuriate in being home, and shortly after that I fell into the hockey rabbit hole. Which has been lovely, truly! I had been feeling a bit stagnant fandom wise, and it was so nice to have a whole new world opened to me, and to see a bunch of my mutuals all going through the process simultaneously was so fun. I still haven’t written anything, and I’m definitely not as involved as a lot of people, but I’ve never been someone who is super funny in quippy posts or makes a lot of connections quickly. But I’ve really been enjoying it, and I’m hoping that in 2021 I’ll be able to post some fic and make some more friends. My ephemeral relationships with people on tumblr have been important to me for many years, but I definitely have appreciated it the most this past year. Tumblr is a really big part of my life, and I love interacting with people/when people interact with my personal posts. It’s nice to have found a little pocket of the internet where I am safe and comfortable and around people I genuinely like.

Getting into hockey did divert my attention from my mental health, and the ways it was impacting my work, for a solid two months, though. I very much used it as a crutch to avoid some bigger issues that needed my focus, which I was diverting to think about big men fucking each other. In August I started seeing a therapist again. We had worked together briefly after my manic episode, because my old therapist had gotten a new job so she took me on for like a month before I left for Greece, and working with her again has been so helpful. I am so fortunate to have healthcare through grad school that makes going to therapy extremely affordable. It’s seriously been a saving grace for me. By working on my mental health consistently I have brought myself to a better, more stable and comfortable place than I’ve been in in years, and I feel empowered to continue on this path to keep accumulating skills and mental fortitude to help me in the future.

As a result of my consistent work on my mental heath, I’ve also been able to develop a much better, healthier relationship with work/my research more specifically. This summer I was in a place where I felt like it was impossible for me to write my proposal, let alone an actual dissertation, but I did write my proposal! And I’ve been building up routines and stamina and now feel like I actually can get this PhD. Which is great. I know it’s not going to be easy, and that I have a lot of difficulty ahead of me still, but I feel very confident in my ideas, and I am so much better equipped to handle things than before.

So yeah, I think that’s pretty much it. For 2021, I want to just keep going in the path that I’ve been forging for myself. The next things I’ll be focusing on are more intentionally working with my ankle, to try and alleviate the somewhat antagonistic relationship I have with it, and to feel more physically capable. I think that re-integrating yoga into my life will be big here, it’s been really helpful for me before, but I’ve let it slip, and then we’ll see what else I can do to help with this. I also want to continue to reinforce a work routine that suits me and maintain/adjust it when I (almost certainly) make the move back to Athens in September. And finally, I really want to post some TK/Patty fic! I have some ideas, some word docs, some (imo) well-selected lyrics for titles, and I just need to dig in a little more and try and unclench my mental knot of perfectionism, as I’ve been learning to ease it with regards to work stuff.

[lgcyonghwa]

happy anniversary!

warning: this post is LONG AF! next year i am so not gonna do this - will make a graphic or something instead - because i legit typed for hours. don’t feel obligated to read the whole thing - feel free to scroll down to the sections where you are mentioned. 

holy ravioli, i can’t believe legacy is turning one! the last year was chaotic for me real life wise and legacy provided a great place to escape and enjoy writing with my friends. i chatted with so many of you wonderful people and have no doubt i’ll be missing some on this list. if i happen to skip you by accident, just know i love you anyway.

both of my muses went through a lot. yonghwa i’ve had since the very beginning and his journey did turn out differently than i expected. i created him to be perfect on the outside, slowly rotting on the inside. he has a lot of insecurities that he refuse to acknowledge and a crippling greed for money...to the point i legit created a list of free stuff available at legacy and still track his earning. he ended up not deteriorating horribly as i expected due to having an overwhelmingly strong support system. dang it, y’all, i wanted to fuck up my character. 

as for daehyung, he’s proven to be the ticking time bomb comedic relief asshole that everyone can’t help but respect for not having his ass kicked out of the company already love - he’ll continue to be a pest and harass people that he find fancy in. career wise, i am surprised he is doing so well despite hating the world and most of the people in it. guess deep down inside he actually cares about acting and finds joy in it. one day, hopefully, he’ll be singing his own ost. 

i would like to thank our cute sara, who played yonghwa’s brother @lgcyoon​ and currently plays @lgcseojin and @lgchana​~ sara was one of the first people i plotted with at legacy and i really enjoyed the friendship between seojin & yonghwa. seojin was an adorable tsundere pupper and yonghwa is over-affectionate and secretly appreciated. they had their ups and downs and in season 2 of the future dreams, that really came out. i am glad they were able to work through their issues and i think that is why their friendship feels so believable to him. seojin also had a part in daehyung’s life...can we get that communal shower yet, buddy? yoon, though you are too busy to play him now, will always be yonghwa’s doting older brother. i don’t think i’ll put up that wanted connection again because yoon is so perfect and yonghwa already latched onto him with both legs and arms. 

second up, i gotta thank my girl gabby for always being there. @lgcparkdohyun and yonghwa’s brotherly bond is incredibly strong and in fact, one of my best plots to date. we’ve essentially plotted them out from diaper days and they are as close as two guys could be without screwing each other, really. we’ve also been here since the beginning together and high fives man, our boys technically both made it. 

@lgcxcharlie is yonghwa’s supportive girlfriend and she is so adorable. a much needed ray of light in his life. funny thing is that they met a long time ago, via bread. did charlie know that she’ll end up getting a boyfriend out of her kind bread donation? see, this is what happens when you feed a hungry cat - he’ll keep following you for more. now you are just going to have to keep him~

for my beloved rose who plays @lgcjude, @lgcjina and @lgcwon, i love youuu. with them on tour together and sharing a room, i hope jude is not annoyed yet by the fact yonghwa keeps on climbing into his bed. as for jina - hello, fellow season one winner, high fives. they might have to keep some distance due to opposite gender, but at least they’ll always have that respect for each other. now won, sorry, the devil is never letting you gooooooo. he’ll continue to harass you for years to come. 

@lgcseolmi​ + @lgcichika​ & @lgckit​ - my typo queen nam~ we haven’t known each other for very long but damn did you rise quickly on my favoritism list. i love you lots, even though you are a dork who can’t spell anything right! :3c we’ve threaded already with the girls and now i am waiting for the new baby boy!

my al is the best person for cat gifs ever. every so often, i’d get a cute gif and feel my happiness grow. in fact, like we talked before, you send me so many cat pics that i believe you are a cat and will treat you like one. pet pet pet pet! @lgcinsoo​ and @lgcyue​ are both great babies, but you know i have bias towards our insoo. he is such a kind, loving puppy and both of my characters appreciate him. one more obviously than the other. 

em, how the hell do you post so fast even though you got three characters? also, how on the earth have we managed to talk so long without doing a single thread together? oh wait, shoot, it is me isn’t it? @lgcaaron​ is still waiting on his starter and my ass typed this long af thank you note instead of that hohoho-

i still have so many boys i want to interact with for the project origin group but those i’ve already had a chance to thread with, i’ve all loved. our @lgcxpv​ is a wild child but so precious in yonghwa’s eyes. we’ll always have their shower scene to reflect back on. also, your precious max is one of dae’s only semi-acknowledged friends. our @lgcxhaneul​ is the sweet mandu that will keep on getting squished by his loving hyung. we love @lgcseul​ who deserves all the hugs and @lgcminjun​, who will definitely become one of yonghwa’s favorites. @lgcjiho​ & @lgcharu​ are both soft cute boys that i am still planning on hitting up more.

though we’ve only had one thread, i strangely really enjoyed the interaction between yonghwa and @lgceunho​. i feel like they still have more to explore and hopefully will find themselves together in a future event!

also jia, we’ve been around since the very beginning too. i miss writing together. @lgchyunjin​ should come and love on yonghwa more. ; v ; we are the early day boys ya knowwwww. i enjoyed chatting with you on twitter, can always count on you to be around liking people’s posts to show support. 

lately, i’ve also gotten to plot with @lgcsubin​, who is a sensitive boy with depth. i love his character and i hope to write more with you, nic! also, thanks for being around and asking what’s wrong whenever people are upset. i think it is so precious.

stef, i am so glad you joined legacy and see, it is fun, right? daehyung will continue to bully @lgcxjunghwan​ but he does it in an affectionate way, alright? love to lulu ( @lgcminseok​) & simone (@lgctee​) for always being there to chat about stuff~

jen, thanks for teaching me how to gif. i’ve enjoyed our chats via discord and we should do it again sometimes KEKEKEKEKE @lgcxjinah​ and @lgcxjongsuk​ both have their places on my character’s heart - i love them both!

here, i just want to acknowledge some of the people that dropped but still had a huge impact on yonghwa’s life. i don’t know how many of y’all will remember them, but back in the day, yonghwa had a best friend called kiyoung and a crush on yujin. when those two dropped at the same time, oh, that was a huge blow. thank them both for being a part of his life. also, jane was a heavy loss for me because i adore her quirkiness. bobby come back, you can blame it all on me. 

lastly, i want to thank all of the mods for their hard working maintaining the rp! thanks so much, legacy wouldn’t be fun without you! 

for the head admins, i have a few extra blurbs because we’ve been together for a whole year. for our admin l, you’ve worked hard. it is not easy to run events and i feel like i’ve definitely pushed you with some difficult questions before. i am glad we are friends and get to chat often about random tidbits. i am also happy you are taking time for yourself and taking care of real life concerns. your wellness is always the priority! character wise, i have a feeling @lgcmiso​ and daehyung will actually get along well~ 

marie because i can’t even remember what is your official admin letter OTL i just remember you as the mother of merlin and writer of @lgcxking​. it is not like i don’t like jin, but that king is the one i had the most threads with. i really love yonghwa and king interaction because in a place where everyone must be civil and friendly, their hate for each other is so damn refreshing. i still think five years from now on they’ll be friends, but not before trying to claw out each other’s eyeballs first over their smutty fanfics. sorry for keep harassing hyuncheol and calling him papi, please continue to feed me merlin content. he is the best boy. 

FINALLY admin g our grace you are so awesome. i can always count on you to hear me bitch for the two minutes before my angy fade and for last minute cramming. on the week before date lottery is due and i am wailing pathetically for my points, grace is always here to pull through! @lgchanbyul​ and yonghwa as on screen couple is actually pretty adorbs. also @lgcjaesun​, thanks for dealing with daehyung as a dorm mate. the devil is gone now but his influence will always be there

i have so many more people i want to mention but only so much time. just know i appreciate everyone. thanks for a great year, hopefully there’ll be many more!

[brokenjardaantech]

captain allen appreciation week 2020 day 1 + 7: vacation + acceptance

notes:

i combined day 1 & 7 as they happen to be the theme of the same story. it's also a prequel to a fic that i haven't written a word yet.

a little bit background since i think things can be confusing:

allen's full name is Louis White Allen. his dad's french and his mom american, though he's raised in alaska. his sister, anna allen, is a commissioned officer in the air force. the siblings speaks both english and french fluently.

sara ryder replaces elijah kamski as the inventor of androids.

this fic is set in september 2038, about a month after connor was first deployed at the phillips' hostage situation.

tags: griefing, family issues, brief mentions of childhood neglect and parentification

ao3 link if that’s what you prefer

-----

To this day, Lou's heart hammers when he sees a call from the military. Last time he received one was ten years ago, and he ended up with more questions than answers, answers that he knows he and his father very likely will not get in their lifetime. Staring at his phone vibrating on the coffee table, Lou debates whether to induce his cats' wrath - one sleeping on his lap and the other he hasn't stopped petting since they finished dinner - by standing up and interrupting their naps. It's not like he's at his full mobility anyways; his cybernetics still needs about half an hour to sync with his nervous system properly and to download the newest software. Whoever the fuck is in charge of calling the family of a soldier who went AWOL in Göttingen can wait.

It seems that the universe has other plans, as the air suddenly becomes charged with static and the phone launches itself towards Lou's chest. The tip of his fingers are numb, a common occurrence after his and his sister's unexplainable outbursts, but he manages to catch the phone before it hits his chest or, heaven forbids, his cat, who is startled awake and promptly returns to sleep after her favourite bed has no intention to move.

He accepts the call. 'Allen speaking. I don't think I have family members in the military anymore.'

'I don't know how many of yours are with us,' the voice from the other end lacks the robotic quality of an android's, so it seems the military is still using humans to contact family members, 'but this concerns your mother, Commander Deborah White. You're the only next of kin we can reach, Mister Allen.'

Lou does sigh. Just as he thinks he can leave her behind after all these years... 'What about her?' Not that he feels strongly that she was gone, as she wasn't quite there for her family to begin with, but something about a Commander going missing on the flagship of a fleet always sits wrong with him; as poor of a mother Deborah White was, a woman with her service record didn't deserve to simply vanish. 'I thought she went MIA more than twenty years ago.'

'She was until a few hours ago. I wish I can break it to you more gently but... we found her. Her remains, at least.'

The beat of his heart suddenly becomes too overwhelming. The air swells with the familiar buzz of static, and it takes all of Lou's self-control to not break everything in the living room with a shattering hazard. There is also the urge to hang up, to pretend that this is just one of those weird dreams he never can remember the details of, because he doesn't need to be burdened with a closure; he wasn't close enough to her to want that, he tells himself. Knowing that she's gone is enough. However, 'How?' is what he says in the end. He closes his eyes, free hand buried in his cat's fur, trying to convince himself that he is doing this for his father.

'Your mother's bones were found in a sealed compartment in the USS Blue Ridge when we were scrapping her. She must've been sitting there for years. Her skull indicates that -'

'Thanks, but I don't think I need to know that,' Lou swallows, willing himself to not think of the implication of an intact skull. It would've been a horrible way to die, sitting in cold seawater for days, feeling her skin rot away before dying of starvation; he'd rather her snap her neck upon impact and go painlessly. 'Anything more?'

'Yes. How would you like to deal with the body?'

Something tickles Lou's chin. When he opens his eyes, he finds the third cat trying to squeeze himself onto his already-occupied lap and purring as if having sensed the human's distress and wanting to soothe him. He recalls how his mother joked that she would probably die at sea and his father's reluctant acceptance of the entire affair; Papa's resignation after he received the news, saying, 'At least she got what she wanted.'

'She spent most of her life at sea,' he replies. No need to rub salt on his father's wounds. 'Let her rest there as well.'

'Very well. If you wish to, a memorial will be held in two months' time. Families of other deceased will attend. You may find support there.'

Support my ass, Lou thinks. It's been twenty-something fucking years. Yet, for some reason, he still promises that he'll consider going before hanging up. His finger hovers over his father's contact afterwards, but remembering that it's midnight in France and that he has a month worth of leave accumulated, he opens his browser instead and starts searching for plane tickets.

----

A month later, Lou finds himself in the commune of Gâvres with a large backpack on his shoulder and missing his cats very dearly. They aren't even his cats, technically; his neighbours keep them as outdoor cats, and Lou, unable to stand the thought of them suffering out in the winter cold of Detroit, took them in, and now they spend more time at his than at their original owners'. Having dropped them off at Hank's - that man takes better care of his pet (now pets) than himself - Lou isn't worried - he doubts his neighbours will even notice that their cats are gone. Emotions are terrible things, however, and the purpose of this trip alone makes it different from all the time he has visited his father before. At least he hasn't just recovered from nearly dying from implant rejection this time.

'Louis?'

Lou turns when he hears his father's voice and the awkward weight reminds him that he hasn't taken off his backpack yet and has been standing in the living room of his father's house staring at nothing for the past few minutes. Not waiting for his son to take it off, Papa Allen crosses the room and embraces Lou, sweat and all. 'How are you?' he asks in French, and when Lou answers truthfully in the same language, 'I missed you,' somehow everything in the world goes right again. Fuck the deviant crisis, fuck the android-infested America that makes his nerves buzz every single waking moment, fuck absent mothers still managing to make a comeback years after she died. He's just Louis Allen, absolutely not a SWAT captain, not the only survivor of the Blast, not the pioneer/guinea pig of CyberLife's groundbreaking cybernetics technology.

He has to let go of his father. 'I hope it's okay. What I did with Mom.'

Papa sighs. 'How about you take off that thing first,' indicating the backpack, 'and settle down for now.'

So Lou walks up the stairs and deposits his backpack in the room designated as his, and, catching sight of the other bed in the room, his legs suddenly feel weak, and he lowers himself, trembling, onto his mattress. Smart, fearless Anna, whose brain always runs - ran - a lot faster than the rest of the world.

Who graduated top of her class and as the Valedictorian of the academy, and subsequently disappeared without a trace.

His left leg twitches. The feeling of something foreign using his body returns, and when he leans forward - with a difficulty that wasn't there before - to take off his sock, it reveals white and grey chassis. A stark reminder that he owes her his life two times over despite her being the younger sibling.

‘How come I’m still alive?’ was the first question he asked after he regained his voice. ‘Ryder threw a fucking building on me.’

‘I dug you out, Lulu,’ replied Anna. ‘Freaky glowy telekinesis finally has its use. I was hungry for hours afterwards.’

At that moment, Lou made the mistake of looking down and seeing his pure white leg. ‘What the hell happened to my leg?’

‘CyberLife’s newest tech.’ As if to demonstrate how he should use his new leg, she gave his feet a poke, and Lou nearly screamed from the sensation. He did not expect to feel anything at all, but apart from the looks, the leg felt...real. ‘Fucking building crushed half your pelvis, your entire left leg and a rib. It’s already minced when I uncovered you, so they need to rebuild everything from scratch. I asked them to add something that can help you control the telekinesis better as well, so we’ll need to test it out later. No more randomly exploding shit. And before you ask, yes, your junk’s unharmed.’

Lou’s coma-addled brain struggled to process the influx of information, and all he got was, ‘I should’ve died.’

Anna hit the break to what seemed to be the beginning of a technical jargon-filled rant. ‘Well yes,’ she gestured just like the meme, ‘but you lived.’

‘No one survives after being crushed by a building, Anna,’ he said, voice rising. Then he asked in French since English felt too raw, ‘Exactly how much tech is in me right now? And how long was I out for? Why did CyberLife choose me?’

She looked away.

‘Anna?’

‘I don’t fucking know, okay?’ she replied in the same language. ‘You were on the brink of death when I dug you out, and there Ryder was, offering to save your life for no cost. You were in a medically-induced coma for one month and was out for reconstruction for another. It took your body two weeks to get used to the cybernetics and...here you are.’

‘Ryder offered,’ Lou said slowly, ‘to save me? As in Sara Ryder?’

‘Yes.’

‘Anna, she was the one who threw the building on me!’

‘I know. One more reason to let her save you.’

‘But you did it anyway.’

‘I did.’

‘Even though you know it’ll probably come back to bite our asses.’

‘Yes.’

‘Why?’

‘You know the answer, Lulu.’

And Lou has stopped denying that he does a few years ago. Anna joined the Air Force to fly, to be closer to the sky, but he knows that it wasn’t enough; from the way she turned her eyes towards the aurora when they were young, the attention she paid towards all news related to space observation and exploration, to the talks about leaving the wasteland that is known as earth behind and finding a new home in the cosmos - Anna belongs to the abyss of space. The military was simply a stepping stone towards something greater, a greatness that she must be working towards somewhere on this god-forsaken piece of rock.

The place where Lou’s flesh meets his implants aches in anticipation of the storm that will no doubt force them to remain indoors for days. Grinding his teeth in the numbing pain, he uses his hands to put his non-functional left leg onto the bed and lies down sideways with his back towards his sister’s bed, his phone buzzing in his pocket to notify him of an unexpected software error that may take hours to fix. Switching on do-not-disturb, he shoves the offending piece of technology underneath his pillow and loses his fight against jet lag and pain.

----

Lou wakes up cold and hungry. He is covered by a blanket that wasn't there when he fell asleep, so his father must have checked on him when he realized that his son was doing more than putting down his luggage, and the dark sky outside the window almost brings him back again before it flashes.

Then the booming thunder reminds him that it isn't dusk at all.

He successfully rolls over on his other side, which means that his cybernetics are functional once more. Kicking the blanket away, he sits up and grimaces at the taste of his mouth.

He feels better after his regular morning rituals, though the lack of three furry friends harassing him and brushing against his feet is something that he'll need to get used to, and his father is cooking lunch when he reaches the kitchen.

'Morning, Louis,' Papa says as he hands the pan over to his son. 'What did they drag you through to have you sleep for so long?'

Lou is glad that he can use concentrating on not burning his food as an excuse to buy himself a minute. Should he tell his father the truth, or should he avoid talking about work just like many people do during their vacation? 'Things are getting bad in Detroit,' he decides in the end as going on a vacation at one's father's house isn't exactly normal either. 'Androids are breaking their programming and starts having their own thoughts. CyberLife's trying to cover it up, but I've dealt with enough violent deviants - that's what they're calling those androids - to know it's gonna be a problem real soon if they don't solve it now.' A pause to think of how to continue. 'I'm glad you're not in America anymore.'

'It must be exhausting,' is his father's reply, and that's all Lou needs to realize that his father has no idea what he's talking about. Then again, the man moved back to France before androids were a thing, and although they kept in frequent contact, Lou never talked much about his work; the police getting reformed means that SWAT is deployed only when peace is not the option - that means seeing people get hurt or die constantly. Androids aren't really a thing in Europe, so his father never experienced the 'androids taking over everything and making everyone lose their jobs' shit. He won't understand.

'That's why I'm here.'

They lapse into silence as Lou finishes cooking and empties the content of the pan onto two plates. Never one for formality, Papa brings them to the living room, sitting at the corner of a couch while Lou retrieves his plate and fork and curls onto the window sill. At this proximity, he can feel the raindrops hitting the glass as if he is standing in the rain.

Papa clears his throat. 'About your mother, Louis.'

Lou tears his eyes away from the raindrop he's betting on to win. He hastily shoved some eggs into his mouth to buy himself some time to mentally prepare for the conversation. 'What now?'

What he actually says isn't what Lou expected. 'I'm glad about what you did with your mother's body.'

'Her skeleton, you mean,' he replies. 'What's left of it anyways. I don't think they found the whole set.'

'Still,' Papa isn't looking at him. 'That's what she would've wanted. And by I'm glad - I'm not opposed to it.'

'That's it?' Lou turns back towards the rain. 'That wasn't your reaction when they told you that she was MIA.'

'I was young - younger - back then,' a sigh. 'It wasn't fair to you. Or to Anna. Especially to Anna. I'm sorry.'

No it wasn't, Lou wants to say, but - 'I've made peace with it a long time ago. Mom, me and Anna, Alaska; that was all you knew. I... I don't blame you for it.'

He has to close his eyes and press his forehead against the glass. He considers switching to German to further detach his emotions, but then he realizes that nearly everything has fled his mind from disuse. Why does he think spending his vacation with his father right after they discovered that his mother might have died painfully a good idea?

'That's what I thought I'd react when you called me, you know?' Papa says. 'I thought I'd break down. Then I realized that I've moved on and... that's it. Hard not to after more than twenty years.' Even with his vision gone, Lou can still feel his father's gaze on him. 'You've done that for your mother. Have you, for Anna? It's been ten years.'

'Have you, Papa?' Lou asks instead of answering even though he knows his answer. 'Can you stand the thought of your daughter gone as well?'

'After your mother?' the father feeds himself a mouthful of food and swallows. 'Kind of have to.'

'Of course you did. I raised her, not you.'

That is the last thing he says to his father before the storm goes away.

----

Emotionally exhausted, Lou goes to sleep early despite waking up not ten hours ago.

He knows he’s dreaming as soon as he opens the door and discovers his childhood living room behind it. The room is dark, so the lights must have been switched off, and even though it feels like he has smacked his hand all over the wall it’s on, he still can’t find the switch. It does bring him closer to the window, outside where a storm is going on at full force and paints everything white, and although he knows that what he is seeing isn’t real, he dreads the upcoming and necessary shovelling.

The world is suddenly lit up from behind him, followed by the voice of Neil deGrasse Tyson and the clicks of a keyboard. When Lou turns, Anna is there sitting in front of the couch, her brother's homework scattered in a semi-circle around her, and an old, bulky laptop snug between her crossed legs. It should have been a normal day in their house in Anchorage had Anna been a child but not an adult, which is the form Dream Anna is appearing in - she is younger than him by nearly eight years.

‘Where’s the light switch?’ Lou asks, looking around for good measure. ‘As much as you enjoy Cosmos, a documentary about space isn’t sufficient lighting.’

‘Relax,’ says Anna. ‘Eye problems aren’t in our genes.’ Then, waving at the papers around her, ‘Everything’s done. Your teachers didn’t suspect a thing,’ she gets younger and younger following each syllable until her age makes sense, ‘but you asked me to do it on a separate piece of paper, so I did. Feel free to copy directly if you wish.’

That is when Lou realizes that she’s playing games on the notebook, something that looks like a simplified version of Temple Run but set in space. ‘No thanks,’ he says. ‘I’d like to keep the creases on my brain.’ Then he notices that his sister didn’t really answer his question, so he asks again, ‘How am I supposed to switch on the lights?’

‘With your phone,’ is the matter-of-fact reply. ‘Don’t tell me you uninstalled the fucking app for cat pictures.’

‘For one last time, Anna, I don’t download cat pictures.’ And it hits him. ‘Wait, phone? The house isn’t automated when you’re at this age.’

‘Is it?’

Anna stands up and stalks closer to her brother, and she grows and grows and grows until they’re off the same height and she looks... older, how she should look like if she’s alive she’s still here. She is now Major Anna White Allen of the United States Air Force, dressed smartly in her dress uniform except for her cap, which she holds in her right hand. Their surroundings have also changed to that of the Phillips' penthouse terrace, harsh wind whipping around them.

'You aren't real,' Lou breathes, feeling light-headed. ‘You - you’re gone. Just like Mom.’

‘Open your eyes, then. End this early if you want to. Forget that this ever happened. I don’t mind.’

It is followed by a terrifying moment of wakefulness, the images blurring and then regaining clarity as he stays asleep. ‘And Papa wants me to let you go,’ he says with a sad chuckle.

‘Why?’

‘We found what’s left Mom. How long do we need to wait to find what’s left of you?’

‘Why are you talking like I’m dead?’

‘Cause you probably are, like Mom?’

‘I know you think we’re alike,’ an eye roll, ‘but we’re different.’

‘Say you’re not dead. Where the hell are you?’

‘Does it matter?’

A blink. They’re floating in space, Anna dressed in some form of armor, and Lou in normal clothes. He attempts to draw a breath and wakes up choking and crying, the dream completely forgotten save for the faint image of Anna falling towards earth and getting burnt to crisps.

----

A few days later, Lou finds himself walking on the beach with his father. The sky is cloudy and the wind is strong, so it is cool even though it’s September and Lou grew up in Alaska. They started throwing questions back and forth ten minutes into their walk, some of them silly and simple and give them a good laugh, but the others -

‘Answer me honestly, Louis. Do you think Anna’s dead?’

It is easy. ‘No.’

‘Where do you think she is, then?’

Lou’s face suddenly becomes too hot to bear. ‘Does it matter?’

‘If it affects you, yes.’

‘I don’t want to talk about it. She wouldn’t want us to speculate.’

‘But she’s not here, is she? Maybe you’ll feel better after you say it out loud.’

Lou sighs, oh how the turntables… ‘In space, probably.’

‘You’d think we’ll hear about that.’

‘Secret space programs exist, Papa.’

‘Not in America.’

‘I never said it’s an American program,’ Lou says as he kicks a rock away. ‘Do you know what they said when I received the first call from the Air Force? They asked me if Anna has ties with other space agencies even though she’s never been in NASA; she just talked about other countries’ space programs so much that they suspected her having ties with them.’

‘Hmm.’

‘What does that even mean?’

‘You know you won’t see her again, right?’

Lou halts his steps. Anna? Gone forever? ‘Does it matter?’

Papa sighs. ‘You’re in denial, Louis. You didn’t do this with your mother.’

How dare he - ‘Of course I didn’t, she was barely there!’ he has to put a few steps between them. ‘I raised Anna! How do you think that’s even comparable?’

‘I simply don’t want you to live in uncertainty for the rest of your life.’

‘You just don’t know your daughter,’ he counters. ‘She told me she’ll come back.’

‘You know -’

‘You don’t know shit!’

He runs. His lungs and legs are strained when he gets home, his father’s home, but he doesn't stop at that. He packs his stuff (not that there’s much to put back into his backpack), jumps into his rental car, and is back in Brest before he knows what he’s doing. His return flight is next week, so he has a lot of time to kill.

In the end, he takes a trip around the country alone, going to places he both never had time for and, if he’s been there before, misses dearly. He may have forgotten what they’ve talked about, but he remembers Anna visiting him often. The images flee his mind whenever he tries to recall them, but he doesn’t think they’re talking on earth, and he always wishes that he at least remembers some of it.

A few months later, he’ll learn that his speculations are closer to the truth than he thinks. A few months later, Louis Allen will prove his father wrong.

But he doesn’t know that yet. Therefore, after collecting the cats from Hank and unpacking his luggage, he takes all of Anna’s things and puts them into a box, telling himself that it is the first step towards admitting that maybe, it’s a big fucking maybe, he will never see his sister again.

[dopescotlandwarrior]

Bluegrass-Chapter Ten

                           My thanks to @statell​ for your help and wisdom

Previous chapters on AO3

Chapter Ten

The track stewards were unmoving in their decision to disqualify Midnight Runner. Track officials made a public announcement, and then it was over. The final word was that Runner had bumped the second-place horse in his rapid advance late in the race. The bump was hard enough to knock the horse's stride off thereby eliminating any chance to win.

Michael, Claire, and Jamie studied the race video repeatedly to see what happened and decided there was little that could have prevented it, unless Claire was doing her part as a jockey.

“It’s a big part of what the jockey does, you watch for openings and potential problems Claire. It’s time for you to become his jockey.”

Claire looked at Michael, “It’s about God damn time.”

They had two weeks before the next race in Kentucky and Claire would learn as fast as she could to prevent further bumps. She would have a long mental talk with Runner, so he understood the consequences of bumping another horse.

Jamie and Michael made sure Runner was safely boarded on the plane and rode back with the handler who brought them. Claire had everything packed and ready when Jamie returned, but she was too quiet. Jamie hugged her and asked for some honest talk time before they left. Sitting across from each other he asked what was on her mind.

“If something goes catastrophically wrong in a race, like yesterday, I wouldn’t be responsible for it up until now, because I wasn’t guiding him. Now I’m nervous that I won’t be a very good jockey and my direction to Runner will be wrong and cause a real mess.”

“It sounds like you trust Runner more than yerself lass. Can ye not see how much yer needed now? The races get harder from here because the weaker horses are gettin pulled from the stakes races. He will be runnin against better horses and he needs yer guidance.”

“I have two weeks to learn how to guide a twelve- hundred- pound speeding bullet with other horses all around us, and I’m terrified at the thought.”

“Ye said ye rode hunter-jumpers until two years ago but ye did more than that, didn’t ye lass?”

She threw him a questioning look.

“Forgive me Sassenach, I checked because I had to know everything about ye. This was back when my crush first started before I kissed ye the first time. It was the only thing I could do when I was missin ye.”

“I’m not sure I follow where this is going, Jamie.”

“Ye did more than just ride. Ye showed them competitively, even through vet school. Ye won yer class at the Hampton Classic did ye not? I watched your jump off and almost had a heart attack at the height and size of the jumps, the tight corners and angles, and the speed! Have ye forgotten that Sassenach? What ye will do in the race doesn’t even compare to that level of control.”

Claire blushed and looked at her hands. “That seems like another lifetime ago Jamie,” she said quietly.

“Well, it wasn’t, love, and it’s time to channel the competitor Claire and learn to race. I haven’t a single doubt about yer ability to learn, and ride him straight through undefeated.”

Jamie pulled her into his arms and kissed her with all the love and passion he felt. The colt was still proving he was one in a million with each race he won so they had to keep going. Now that they were going back to Kentucky, there were other issues they would have to deal with. He needed to see her strength, now more than ever.

It was decided that Michael would bunk with Jamie until he found somewhere to live and purchased a car. Jamie hoped Isobel would be cordial and accept the new roommate for the short time he was there.

Rupert pulled up to Claire’s house and waited for Jamie to walk her inside. She clung to him and kissed him before he was out the door, leaving her with all her doubts.

Jamie had explained his living situation and the presence of Isobel to Michael the best he could. The men stopped at the compound to look at the new quarantine wing where Runner and Porcelain Love would stay safe from outside threats. Jamie looked at the new multiplexer and thirty-two cameras that were displayed across two large screens in his office. Tomorrow he would get the doors online and provide pass codes for all the borders and staff. Isobel would not be getting a password and if she walked into the compound she would be followed closely by Rupert or Angus.

Michael appreciated the high tech facility and the improvements Jamie had made while they were in New York. He wasn’t a stupid man. There was more to the story than Jamie had shared and it piqued his interest, not only for Runner’s safety but for the wellbeing of his new friends. He would keep his eyes open and melt into the background for now.

Finding the house empty of one irritating Isobel, Jamie showed Michael to a guest room and went to bed. He sent a text message to Isobel telling her they had a guest so she wouldn’t shoot him when she came home. He laid in his bed and dialed Claire. He missed her already.

“Beauchamp.”

“My love, ye have caller ID do ye not?”

“I never remember to look. How is the most handsome man in the world?”

“What in God’s name is going on over there?”

“Sorry.” Claire closed herself into her room and the giggling girls were no longer heard. “That is Molly and Lulu and some boy that stopped by. I haven’t figured out why they are so happy. They talk so fast I can’t understand a thing they say. They make me feel old.”

“I’ll miss ye tonight mo chridhe. Runner has another two days of rest and I will lose my mind by then. Can I come over tomorrow night?”

“Anytime, day or night, Jamie. I’ll miss you too. Goodnight love.”

“Goodnight.”

The weight of the world became too heavy for Jamie to bear so he gave in to sleep and let the blackness carry him away.

Michael struggled with insomnia and tonight it was next to impossible to fall asleep. He decided to take a walk and stop sheet boxing. Once on the road, he naturally walked toward the compound enjoying the lovely evening. Large floodlights made it easy to find his way into the stall area and he walked the aisles looking at beautiful horses tucked in for the night. He found Runner’s wing and slipped in to give him some love when he was jumped from behind and almost strangled in the process.

“My name is Michael, I’m a guest of Jamie’s!”

Suddenly the weight on his back was gone and Rupert was sputtering his apology. Once Michael could breathe again, he asked why he was attacked. Rupert explained they were taking turns sleeping near Runner for his protection.

“Jamie will activate the new locks tomorrow, so we won’t have to do this anymore.”

“What are you protecting him from?”

“Well, two years ago someone tried to poison Jamie’s horses. Several died but Claire was able to save the others, including Runner. She cut him right out of the dead dam. So lately, there’s talk of someone comin into the stall area, late at night. Jamie and Claire got worried the same person was tryin to kill them again. Or steal them. That’s why we have all this new equipment and this quarantine wing. Just an excuse to fortify the walls, purify the air, and keep the feed separate. They never found the guy that tried to kill them so he’s still out there.”

Michael couldn’t believe his ears but now he understood all the new security. It seemed a bit over-reactive, but he never had someone try to kill his horses before.

“This person who came to the stalls recently, who saw him and did they ask why the guy was here?”

“No, Claire heard about it from Runner who was scared shitless about it, and it was a woman.”

“Come again?”

“It was a woman he said.”

“Who said?”

“Runner.” Michael was trying to keep his composure as he backed away from Rupert. He wanted to get out of the compound and back to the sane people right away.

“I see. Well, goodnight, sorry I bothered you.”

Rupert watched the man walk swiftly to the outside door thinking he was a bit odd. The horses were sound asleep again, so Rupert jumped back into his blankets and joined them.

Michael was replaying the scene with Rupert on his way back to the house, convinced Rupert was challenged in some way and Jamie gave him a job out of the kindness of his heart. That must be it, he told himself. Before he got to the house his cell phone was vibrating with a message from Claire. It was only ten o’clock so he called her back.

“Beauchamp.”

“Claire, hello, just got your text as I was walking back to Jamie’s. I went down to the compound to walk off some stress and ran into Rupert.”

“Oh, okay, now you’re walking back. I see.”

“Rupert told me about the woman who was coming to the stalls late at night. I was wondering, who found her?”

“No one found her.”

”How do you know she was here then?”

“Runner told me.”

Michael heard the bomb go off in his mind and he staggered to get his legs under him so he didn’t fall. His heart was pounding, and his hand pushed sweat off his forehead.

“Well, goodnight Michael. I will see you in a couple of days.”

“Yes, goodnight Claire.”

Michael felt like he was in the twilight zone where people seemed normal until they had you on a breeding farm in the middle of nowhere and then revealed they were all crazy. He couldn’t walk himself out of here if he tried. It had to be many miles to the nearest store or gas station, and he had no idea which way to go. He had no choice except lock himself in his room until morning then ask for a ride to town.

Jamie was pulling wire into his office the next morning when Michael came in. He looked a bit under the weather and Jamie asked if he was well. Michael was fidgeting and looking at the ground while Jamie was distracted by running the wire.

“I came down here last night when I couldn’t sleep. I spoke to Rupert after he nearly choked me to death. We had a nice talk about things.”

Jamie looked at Michael, “what kind of things?”

“Well, the woman who visits the stalls late at night. He said Runner told you.”

“Nah, he doesna talk to me, only Claire.”

Michael was positive now, they were all crazy. “Do you think I could get a ride into town, right now?”

“Of course, Rupert can drive ye.”

“Is there anyone else available?”

Jamie put down the wire and looked at the trainer.

“What’s goin on Michael, yer acting very strange and why don’t ye come in and take a seat?”

“I need to get on my way actually, right now, and I can’t wait.”

Jamie could see the man was terrified and wondered what happened to him.

“Michael, ye mean a lot to us and I hate to see ye go. What’s happened to ye?”

He described what happened the night before and his brief conversation with Claire.

Jamie dialed Claire and told her they were coming over so she could talk to Michael about talking to animals. On the way, he had plenty of time to explain what happened the first time Claire came to Highland Brothers to do yearling checks and instead, walked into a mass poisoning.

“She held their head and started calling out drugs to mix into a cocktail. No way she could have assessed the poisoning so precisely but in the end, she saved all but five. My prized dam died and Claire cut the colt out of her. I bottle raised him which is why he had to be taught to run, I think. I dinna think he knew he was a horse. Claire taught him by racing him like he was a kid. It worked, now he only wants to race. When I saw him really run, I was stunned by his speed. He wouldn’t accept a rider until Claire held his head and told him something. She is the only one who can ride him.”

Michael looked like he wanted to open the door and run. Anywhere, it didn’t matter, as long as it was away from Jamie. The story he just heard was pure fiction, that was obvious, but who was such a master to perpetuate such a tail. Claire. She must truly be gifted to pull the wool over everyone’s eyes, he thought. He felt a bit sorry for gullible Jamie, but it wasn’t his business. He had one task in front of him, get away from these people and find a way back to New York.

Claire clicked off feeling a deep worry about Michael leaving them. She asked Molly to please stick around to add her testimony and rushed to get dressed.

Claire welcomed them all to sit on the patio and went inside for a pitcher of lemon aid. Jamie followed her and told Molly to make sure Michael didn’t bolt for the stairs.

“Give me yer mouth Sassenach,”

Jamie kissed her several times before carrying the pitcher outside, followed by Claire who sat down and waited for Michael’s questions. The neighbor's cat was a regular visitor to her porch and jumped into Claire’s lap, purring with happiness at being stroked.

Claire could see Michael was not open-minded now and her answers fell on deaf ears. She told the cat to lick the face of the man near the stairs and sent a mental image.

“Michael, do be kind and let the kitty lick your face, don’t scare him.”

Michael looked at Claire like she was crazy because cats didn’t like him and never gave him a second look. The cat jumped in his lap and got up on hind legs to lick his cheek. Then it went back to Claire’s lap and curled up in the sun.

The silence was deafening as Michael struggled to accept what he just saw with his own eyes.

“Michael, it’s not important that you believe me, those closest to me had a very hard time with it. I understand that and do not force the issue. We can all coexist for the sake of Runner and hold our own beliefs. We are not a group of crazy people that believes we can talk to animals. Only me.”

That seemed to snap Michael out of his fear-based silence and he looked at Jamie.

“You don’t hear animals talking?”

“Never have, only Claire.”

“As long as I don’t offend you believing animals can’t talk to any human, I’m in.”

“It will not offend me, Michael, and I am very relieved to hear you are still with us.”

Jamie gave Claire a long look as they were leaving. It seemed she was always alone, starting with her parent's death and now a special gift that no one believed in. He wondered how she could be so level-headed, so compassionate, and not hate the world. He could hardly wait to get back here after work. He needed to hold her and tell her what was in his heart.

[floralelu]

Le Fleuriste Episode 1:

WARNING: CONTAINS VERBAL, PHYSICAL ABUSE, AND MENTIONS OF SCHIZOPHRENIA

Word Count: 4,126

Summary: The plan was to take his mom out for Mother’s Day. Lunch, a little shopping, something casual. That is until Lucas spots the boy outside the flower shop.

[A/N:] Hello!! Welcome to the first chapter of Le Fleuriste (The Florist) co-written by Kenzie and I (Emmy), this is our first time collaborating on a fic and we are very excited to share it with you. Thank you for reading!!

——————————

“Oh come on, Arthur. You’re just jealous that I have a girlfriend and you don’t.” Basile exclaimed.

“I’m not jealous, just pissed because now you’re just going to spend all your time with her and not the gang.” Arthur sighed.

“Are you saying you’re gonna miss me when I’m away?” Basile approached Arthur and pinched his cheeks. Arthur smiled and rolled his eyes. Yann and Lucas both looked at each other.

“Uh, guys? Do you have something to tell us?” Yann chuckled under his breath.

“Yeah, I mean, I’m the only gay one in this group right?” Lucas and Yann both leaned back into the couch while laughing their asses off.

The apartment was quite small, only 2 bedrooms, but they made it work. Lucas didn’t mind not having a bedroom, unlike the other 3 guys who shared the rooms. Arthur and Basile shared one bedroom, each of them having separate beds of course. Yann made his statement about how sharing a room would disrupt his “sex life”, as if he has one ever since breaking up with his co-worker, Emma. Lucas moved in after the guys rented the apartment. Lucas would never forget that night.

———————————————————————

Lucas was freezing, and his clothes were soggy with both his tears and the rain that had started earlier that afternoon. His brain felt cloudy, just like the sky. He could see it in his line of sight, the light at the end of the tunnel, the apartment. He sprinted up the steps as fast as his legs carried him, maybe he should exercise more often, but that didn’t matter now.

Lucas walked up to the door and knocked, it was late but he was sure they would be up. However, they hadn’t answered the door yet, maybe they were at a party?

Lucas knocked again, louder this time, even calling out Yann’s name.

“Yann? Yann, please open the door! It’s bad, my dad left and my mom...just please open up!” Lucas kept banging on the door.

“Lucas?” It was Basile.

Finally, a familiar face after seeing only strangers among him for the past few hours. He was thrilled to see Basile in his blue and white striped boxers and a baggy t-shirt.

“Do you know how loud you’re being-” Lucas cut him off with a bone-crushing hug. He needed this. Baz returned the embrace and wrapped his arms around him.

“Lucas, I’m sorry to ruin the moment, but you’re getting me wet.” Both of them laughed.

———————————————————————

Lucas was grateful, he could never repay the gang for taking him in without question. They were his everything and he loved them, and they loved him back. The gang has been together since the beginning of high school, they’ve been through everything together. Yann was by Lucas’ side when he came out to him, the guys supported his sexuality and they thought nothing less of him. He couldn’t have asked for a better group of friends.

“Lucas? Lucas?! Lucas!” Yann shouted, swinging Lucas’ phone in his face.

“Okay! Okay! I got it.” Lucas snatched his phone from Yann’s grip. It was his mother. “Hey, Mom! What’s up?”

“Lucas! Do you have any idea what day it is?!” Lucas pulled the phone away from his ear. Damn, she was angry.

“Uh, Sunday?”

“It’s Mother’s Day! You know, the holiday where you spend time with the person who gave birth to you? Do you know how hard it was pushing your abnormally large head out of my-” Lucas cut her off.

“Okay, Ma, I get it. Do you wanna meet up somewhere then? Lemme pick you up in ten, okay? How about lunch and some shopping? Sound good?” Lucas could charm his way out of any argument. After all, what mother couldn’t love her son?

“Oh, honey! That’d be lovely. I’ll see you soon! Love you most!”

“Alright, Mom. See you in ten and I love you more than most.” He had won her over.

——————————————————————-

The taxi pulled up in front of Lucas’ childhood home, he hadn’t seen it since the day he left. He shuddered just thinking about it.

———————————————————————

“I can’t stand you anymore!” Lucas’ dad screamed. He slapped Lucas’ mother across the face. “You no good schizophrenic bitch!” He repeatedly kept slapping her.

“Dad, stop! You’re hurting her! She can’t help herself, you know that!” Lucas raised his voice over the wails coming from his mother.

“You stay out of this, Lucas! You don’t know the shit I’ve been through with this woman. You don’t know how hard it is to take care of her, you don’t even help with it. You’re so selfish, Lucas. Thinking you can get by with partying with your friends every night? The world revolves around everyone, Lucas, not just you.” Lucas’ heart was even more shattered than before.

“You get out of here. You have no right to talk to my son that way.” His mother stood up, her face bloody and bruised from the countless beatings.

“Your son? He’s our son, not just yours.” His dad gripped his mother’s arm to the point where his knuckles turned white. A tremor went down Lucas’ spine.

“Not anymore.” His mother broke free from the tight grip encasing her arm. “You need to leave.”

——————————————————————-

“Lulu! How are you, sweetie?” Lucas’ mother rejoiced as she stepped into the taxi.

“I’m doing alright, Mom. The real question is, how are you? I know it’s been almost a year, but I wanna be sure you’re okay.”

“I’m okay, Lulu. Today is going to be fun. I’m looking forward to it, speaking of, where are we going for lunch?”

“Disco Danish Cafe! Manon has been dying to try out some new sandwich combinations on us and Alexia will have her spring cookies out. I know how much you love her cookies.” Lucas can recall many times when he and his mom would go to Alexia and Manon’s cafe to escape Lucas’ abusive dad. They were memories he would cherish forever.

“Just like we used to! That sounds lovely, dear. You’re so thoughtful.” She put her hand on top of his, which was resting on the seat between them.

“I love you, Mom.” Lucas looked over at his mother, tears pooling in his eyes.

“Oh, honey, no time to be so emotional. I love you most.”

“More than most.”

King’s Grove was the hub for life in Annecy, a town outside of Paris. It had cobblestone streets and picturesque storefronts. The Disco Danish Cafe was located at the corner of King’s Grove and Queen’s Avenue. The Cafe wasn’t necessarily a 70’s disco theme that you’d expect from the name, but the interior decor was like an American diner straight out of the 1950s with checkered floors, teal booths, neon lights, and a disco ball hanging from the ceiling that spun and sparkled when it caught the light coming from the storefront windows. Baked goods lined the display front windows, but as well as in the cases at the front counter of the bakery.

The masterminds behind the most popular bakery in town are Alexia and Manon. They had started the bakery once they graduated from high school and to say it wasn’t a life-changer would be an understatement.

Manon is head chef and baker. She’s not as artistic as her talented best friend and co-worker, Alexia, is. Manon is one for flavors and tastes rather than decor. Manon loves the cafe with all her heart and loves putting smiles on all of her customer’s faces when they take the first bite of her delectable dishes and baked goods.

Alexia is the decorator behind all of the cookies and cakes in the display cases and was the one behind the interior decor. Although Manon wasn’t crazy about the whole idea at first, once she saw the Pinterest boards that Alexia created, she was in. Alexia has an artistic eye that no one could change. She’s the one who always decorates and writes the eye-catching specials on the blackboard that sits outside of the cafe. Alexia even screams artistic with the constant change in her hair color.

“My girls!” Lucas shouted when he waltzed into the cafe. People glanced up and stared at Lucas, but he didn’t care, he got to see his best girls!

“Lulu!” Manon and Alexia looked up and said in unison, they ran from behind the camera and hugged him tightly.

“It’s been a while, Lucas. Where have you been?” Alexia questioned.

“Yeah, it’s almost been a year,” Manon agreed. “What have you been up to?”

“Well, um, I’ve been dealing with family issues,” Lucas looked at his mom who was standing next to him. “I’m living with Arthur, Yann, and Basile now.”

“Oh my god, I can’t imagine how that must be,” Alexia chuckled.

“Yeah, fuck, those boys can be a mess sometimes, ” Manon shook her head and laughed.

“You don’t even know the half of it, but I’m not here to talk about them. I’m here to try out your new recipes! I know we’re looking forward to it.” Lucas gestured to his mother.

“You got it!” Alexia and Manon hurried back into the kitchen to prepare the food.

———————————————————————-

“Oh! Manon, Alexia you did an amazing job you two! This looks delicious!” Ms. Lallemant studied the food with her mouth practically watering. “You two are just so talented.”

“Thank you, Ms. Lallemant,” Manon bowed.

“Alexia, these sugar cookies! Gosh, how do you even come up with this stuff? Thank you so much for making them,” Even though this was Ms. Lallemant’s hundredth time here, she was still just as astonished as if it was the first.

“My pleasure.” Alexia smiled and curtsied.

“Talk to you guys later?” Lucas asked.

“Of course! You better stop by more, our business is just suffering without you,” Alexia joked and Lucas rolled his eyes.

Lucas was thrilled that he got to spend this time with his mom, even though he forgot it was Mother’s Day. He even got to see a couple of friends. He didn’t know he needed this kind of time out away from the stress of finding a job and his own place. He had countless nights of restlessness and no sleep whatsoever. He was glad he could finally relax with his mom just like the good ol’ days.

After lunch, Lucas settled that they would visit the bookshop after his mother had spoken about a book that her friend at one of their book club meetings mentioned. Lucas figured the least he could do for her was buy her something, especially after all of the trouble they’ve been through in the past year.

The Book Nook was across from Disco Danish Cafe. It was a small shop that Emmy and Kenzie had rented out for a couple of years now, and it was the hangout for all of the bibliophiles. It had quite a cozy feel. There were brown vintage leather couches throughout the store among the endless shelves of novels that traveled up the spiral staircase to the second floor, the walls were painted a creamy caramel color, and the place was dimly lit with the storefront windows supplying most of the lighting among the building beside a few key lamps here and there and the large antique chandelier that hung above the counter. The rectangular-shaped counter was in the center of the bookstore where Emmy and Kenzie were most of the time. In the back was Nookie’s Coffee, where Arthur and Basile worked. Nookie’s Coffee had the most delicious croissants and tea, even though their specialty was supposed to be coffee.

Outside, Ouba, a once stray pomeranian, greeted Lucas on the porch steps of the store. Kenzie and Emmy took in Ouba and made her the mascot of The Book Nook, plus she kept the kids entertained while their parents went in to take a look around. Basile would call Ouba his dog because he found her first, but it seemed that she took a liking to everyone except him. Ouba liked Lucas especially since he snuck her treats.

“Sorry, girl. I came unprepared today.” Lucas frowned at her and scratched her behind the ears.

The doors to the shop were open which brought in a nice breeze. Emmy and Kenzie spotted Lucas.

“Hey, Lu!” They both called. Lucas adverted his gaze from the oh so adorable pomeranian at his feet. They both raced to him and wrapped him in a group hug.

“Oh my goodness, it’s been so long, Lucas,” Kenzie hugged him tightly.

“Okay, guys. I kinda can’t breathe here.” Lucas choked out. Immediately they pulled away from him.

“Lu, we wouldn’t get so carried away with our tight group hugs if you just come by more often,” Emmy remarked. “What have you been up to?”

“It’s a long story, maybe another time.”

Kenzie and Emmy both frowned.

“Well, we have lots of hot new releases on our shelves, and I know Basile and Arthur are off today, but if you want a coffee just say the words and I’m on it,” Kenzie mentioned as she returned to the counter, picking up her copy of Carry On.

“Yeah! Just let us know if you need anything, also it’s nice to see you back here Ms. Lallemant.” Emmy smiled at her.

“Even better to see you two.” Ms. Lallemant smiled back.

Lucas, after wandering the store for twenty minutes, finally found the book his mother was looking for. Lucas purchased it and handed it to his mom.

“Oh wow, Lucas! You really shouldn’t have!” His mother gasped in surprise. Lucas rolled his eyes as they made their way out of the shop.

“Come again!” Kenzie called out, waving to the two.

“And soon!” Emmy added.

They made their way next door to Frizzies, a brand new record shop that had just hit King’s Grove. It was really different from the other pristine and neat shops along the street, this one had a hippie style that somehow complemented the other shops quite nicely. Yann, and Alexia’s friend Emma, worked there together. Even though they broke up 6 months ago, they’re still best friends and make a pretty good team.

The smell of incense poured out of the shop’s doorway, Ms. Lallemant turned her nose up at it, but that didn’t matter once she saw the shop’s decor.

The brick walls were lined with different records, all from bands Lucas had never heard of. Fairy lights suspended from the ceiling and added a sense of calmness to the atmosphere. Tapestry displaying the store’s logo hung behind the counter which was located right as you entered. Emma was in the back of the shop reorganizing records.

“Hey, Emma!” Lucas called out once they entered.

Emma glanced up from the crate of records that were resting in her arms.

“Hey, Lucas. Welcome to Frizzies! This is your first time visiting, yes?”

“Yup, my mom’s too.”

“Two newcomers? Well, let me give you a tour!”

Emma came and stood between Lucas and Ms. Lallemant and hooked her arms with theirs, guiding them through the shop.

“I know it may look small, but there’s a lot to see. Here we have the 80’s rock section, oh and there’s the 90’s pop section over there,” Emma pointed here and there. “Here’s our stage, we have live music on Fridays and Saturdays, and on Sunday’s we have Poetry Night.”

Lucas and Ms. Lallemant oohed and awed at each aspect and detail Emma pointed out to them. She was right about there being a lot to see.

“And here’s the counter, and the cash register, and the...oh goodness I’m dragging this on aren’t I? Well, I’m sure you can find your way around, everything is labeled pretty well.”

Emma wasn’t wrong about that.

“This is just a splendid little shop isn’t it, Lu?” Ms. Lallement continued to gaze and study around the shop.

“Is it ever!”

Lucas walked over to the window, where the 90’s rap section was located. Lucas started flipping through when something caught his eye outside the window.

Across the street sat a flower shop, Barney’s. There was a boy outside of the shop rearranging the flower displays, shifting pots and pulling out bundles of one flower and replacing them with another. His back was towards Lucas, so he wasn’t able to see his face, but there was something about him that kept Lucas from looking away.

Lucas could see an older woman coming down the sidewalk. He saw her mouth move, but couldn’t make out what she had said. It wasn’t until the guy looked up and turned towards the woman’s direction that Lucas realized she had called out a name.

His name.

Moving towards her, the guy wrapped the woman in a hug. Though the angle looked awkward because of the guy’s height, she was quick to place her arms around him.

The woman was the first to pull away, moving around and standing with her back towards the record shop. Lucas sucked in a breath. From this angle, he was able to see the guy’s face.

Even while wearing an apron that was covered in what Lucas assumed was dirt, the boy looked like something Lucas had never seen before. His hair, which Lucas had decided at that moment, was the most beautiful golden brown he’d ever seen. The boy ran a hand through it and Lucas wished he could be the one to do that. The boy was nodding as the woman said something. Even from this distance, Lucas could see the crinkle’s around the boy’s eyes as he grinned at the woman. Within seconds, the happy look that was on the boy’s face disappeared and was replaced with a frown. Lucas watched the boy’s eyes find interest in the ground as the woman put a hand on his shoulder. She pulled him in for another hug just as Ms. Lallemant called Lucas’ name.

“Lu, did you find anything?” Lucas’ attention was pulled away from the window.

“Uh,” Lucas looked down to see he had stopped on a NAS vinyl, “I think I’m gonna get this one.” He held it up for her to see.

“Perfect,” she smiled at him, “I’ll meet you up at the register, okay”

Lucas nodded his head, “Sure.”

His mom smiled at him and turned, walking towards the register. Once he turned back towards the window, he looked in the direction of Barney’s but the boy was gone. Getting closer to the window so he could see better, he saw the woman walking back down the sidewalk.

Maybe he’s in the shop.

Lucas turned around and quickly walked to the register, setting the record on the counter.

“Just this one,” Lucas pulled his wallet out of his pocket and quickly handed Emma his money, “keep the change.”

“Woah,” she laughed, “are you in a hurry or something?”

“Uh… something like that” Lucas grabbed the bag that Emma put his record in.

“Bye, Ms. Lallemant. It was nice seeing you!” Emma smiled at the older woman.

“You too. I’ll have to come by more often, it’s nice seeing you kids”

Lucas, who was waiting very impatiently, looped his arm with his mother’s.

“What do you say we stop at the flower shop across the street? Maybe see if they have your favorite?” Lucas opened the door and they stepped outside.

“Oh, Lu, that would be nice.”

Barney’s Floral and More had been a staple of King’s Grove for as long as Lucas could remember. When things weren’t as bad with his parents, Lucas remembers his dad taking him so they could pick flowers out for his mom. Barney’s was to the left of the Cafe. There were two tables on either side of the door that were filled with plants and flowers of all kinds. Smaller tables and shelves held the same things around the bigger tables as well. Lucas could see that the boy had put most of the flowers on the left table and smaller plants on the right. There were bunches of lavender in a bucket next to the chalkboard that read their mother’s day special. Since the front of the store was all glass, Lucas was able to see inside of the store, but he couldn’t see the boy from before. The signature green and white striped awning that stuck out from the roof made the shop look like something from the movies.

They walked across the street and sitting right inside the window was a bouquet of red, white, and pink roses.

“Look,” Lucas pointed so his mom could see, “right there in the window like they were waiting for you.”

Lucas’s mom smiled, “It’s perfect.”

Lucas tugged her towards the shop’s door. When the door opened, a bell rang and somewhere in the shop, Lucas heard a “Welcome in!”

Maybe it’s him. Lucas felt his heart rate pick up.

“Hello?” Lucas called out

“Just a second, Woah!”

Lucas and Ms. Lallemant jumped as something clattered to the floor, the echoes of glass shattering made its way around the shop.

Lucas walked towards the noise. He peeked his head around a slightly large display of daisies. There was a boy staring at the mess on the floor, but it wasn’t the boy from before. Lucas shoved the disappointment he felt to the back of his mind.

“Are you alright, hon?” Ms. Lallemant asked from behind Lucas.

The boy jumped, “Oh, yes! Sorry, I didn’t mean to keep you waiting. This is the second vase I’ve dropped this week. Give me two minutes to clean this up and then I’ll help you.”

Ms. Lallemant nodded, “Take your time, um?”

The boy stepped forward, sticking his hand out so Lucas’ mom could shake it, “Idriss.”

Ms. Lallement shook his hand, “No need to rush, Idriss.”

His earring moved as he nodded his head. Lucas’s mother pulled him towards a shelf of painted pots, pointing out one that had a raccoon painted along the side. After a few minutes, Idriss came back to where they were standing.

“So, what can I help you with today?”

“There’s a bouquet of roses in the window,” Lucas pointed so Idriss knew which ones he was talking about, “I��d like to buy them.”

“Oh,” Idriss’ eyes grew wide, “well, those are in the window for display. We’re not supposed to sell them.”

Lucas looked back towards his mom who was still occupied with the pots. She pulled one off of the shelf, turning around to show Lucas when she caught him looking.

“What? Is there something wrong?”

Lucas let out a sigh, “Idriss says they can’t sell the display in the window. Sorry, Mom.”

“Oh, don’t apologize, Lu. They’re just flowers. I’m just glad I got to spend today with you.”

Idriss cleared his throat and Lucas turned his head towards him,

“Let me see what I can do, yeah?”

Lucas beamed at him, “That would be great, thanks, man.”

Idriss took off to talk to the boss, so Lucas and his mom were left alone again.

“Lucas, I promise it’s not that big of a deal, I don’t need them.”

“Mom, it’s mother’s day, I’m getting you flowers.”

She shook her head, “So stubborn.”

Lucas grinned, “And you love me-”

A voice cut Lucas off, “Hi.”

Lucas whipped around. There, standing a few feet in front of Lucas, was the boy from outside. Lucas had thought he was beautiful while standing inside of Frizzies, but he was even more beautiful up close.

Ms. Lallemant spoke, “Hi, my son here keeps bothering Idriss about the flowers in the window, and I understand that they’re a display piece, which is why I told Lu that I don’t need them.”

The boy thought for a minute, “Well, it is mother’s day,” he smiled, “You can have them. Let me get them down. Idriss, will you ring them out?”

“Sure,” Idriss looked at Lucas and his mom, “If you’ll follow me.”

The three weaved their way through the tables of flowers, finally making it to the counter. Idriss hit a few buttons on the register and told Lucas the total. Lucas pulled out his wallet and paid Idriss. Just as Lucas was turning around, the boy came towards them with not just one but two bouquets of flowers.

Lucas stared, “Oh, uh, I only paid for the one?”

The boy nodded, “I know.”

Ms. Lallemant took the lead, “That’s so kind of you.”

A small smile made its way onto the boy’s face, “It’s no problem.”

The boy started to hand Lucas the flowers when Ms. Lallemant spoke again,

“And what was your name?”

The boy slid the flowers into Lucas’ arms, his hand brushing Lucas’ own. As he spoke his eyes connected with Lucas’

“Eliott.”

[onlythehours]

Top 19 of ‘19

Here’s a list of the top 19 things I watched in 2019. I’ve included a few mini-series that were spectacular. I’m not arguing they are films, just great works. 

Note: I’m still to see lots of films I was excited for this year, such as: The Souvenir, Monos, and Portrait of a Lady on Fire... 

19.) High Life (Dir: Claire Denis)

Denis’ film is a tense, beautiful, and wholly new take on a space-journey film. Robert Pattinson is fantastic. 

18.) Atlantics (Dir: Mati Diop) 

Diop’s film is a curious mix of spellbinding and down-to-earth. Part haunting/possession story, part love story, and part post-colonial parable. 

17.) Amazing Grace (Dirs: Sydney Pollack, Alan Elliott)

Aretha’s voice takes centre stage. It is remarkable to sit and watch her talents. The behind-the-scenes nature of it offers quick glimpses into the quiet, contained professional she was. 

16.) Years and Years (Dirs: Simon Cellan Jones, Lisa Mulcahy. Written by: Russell T Davies)

Russel T Davies created a fantastic and all-too-believable account of where our world and society could go. The stories of one family over 15 years: heartbreak, loss, and happiness - all played out against a frenetic political backdrop that makes for part satire / part dreadful premonition. 

15.) Rocket Man (Dir: Dexter Fletcher)

Tarog Egerton is such a gem. A slightly less conventional approch to a star biopic.

14.) Us (Dir: Jordan Peele)

Lupita Nyong’o delivers a captivating dual performance in this well-paced horror thriller mashup. 

13.) Holiday (Dir: Isabella Eklöf)

Brutal, uncomfortable, and challenging. Brilliant cinematography and a magnetic central performance by Victoria Carmern Sonne lead the way in this prickly feminist tale about power, abuse, and control. 

12.) Animals (Dir: Sophie Hyde)

Funny and poignant at the same time.  A story of friendship and re-adjustment that asks how you go about finding yourself at the same time your closest friend finds their place in the world and the difficulties this many pose. 

11.) Ad Astra (Dir: James Gray)

Brad Pitt gives ones of his best performances since Moneyball in this elegiac, unpredicable story of loss and redemption. Makes an interesting companion to Denis’ High Life as an original take on a space exploration film that is firmly tied to burning questions of family and the future. 

10.) Luce (Dir: Julius Onah)

I found this film compelling, puzzling and unique. So many unanswered questions swirl in this story that explores black respectability and inter-generational conflict. Kelvin Harrison Jr is an enigma, in the best possible way.

9.) Knives Out (Dir: Rain Johnson) 

A wonderful murder-mystery script is brought to life with snappy go-for-broke performances. Ana de Armas is a total star. 

8.) Booksmart (Dir: Olivia Wilde) 

Go for the lols, stay for the well-drawn characters and relatable story about  friendship, the future, and identity. 

7.) Hustlers (Dir: Lorene Scafaria) 

A brilliant script is brought to life with fantastic performances and sharp editing.  JLo is as wonderful as everyone said. Under the glossy surface is a sadness and frustration that the films taps into well. 

6.) Little Women (Dir: Greta Gerwig) 

Gerwig perfectly balances the humour and pathos of the story. Florence Pugh is a true delight (what a year she’s had!!!). Gerwig has cemented herself as a major player in American cinema.  

5.) The Farewell (Dir: Lulu Wang) 

Equal parts funny and sad. Wang’s film touches a real part of the heart - asking what it means to live a life, love, and find yourself in the context of family (and the wider world). Awkwafina’s performance is captivating.  

4.) Wild Rose (Dir: Tom Harper)

Jessie Buckley delivers the definiton of a breakthrough performance in this feel-good, touching, and heartfelt story of one woman’s struggle to find her place. With a killer final song and a fantastic supporting performance from Julie Walters it is not to be missed. 

3.) When They See Us (Dir: Ava Duvernay) 

Ava Duvernay’s correction to history. A heartbreaking and infuriating look at racist injustice and its all-too-real consequences.  Episode four is an excellent dramatic diversion focusing on the micro of Korey Wise’s confinement and showcases Jharell Jarome’s phenomenal performance.

2.) Chernobyl (Dir: Johan Renk, Written by: Craig Mazin)

Maybe the 'best-made’ thing I’ve seen this year. Haunting, gutting, and terrifying. Beautifully made, perfectly paced. Excellent performances across the board, sensational production design, and a brilliant script expertly directed and edited.  

1.) Unbelievable (Dirs: Lisa Cholodenko, Michael Dinner, Susannah Grant. Written by: Susannah Grant, Michael Chabon, Ayelet Waldman, Jennifer Schuur and Becky Mode)   

A compelling antidote to the all-too-typical sexual assault narrative. It moves beyond questions of ‘what happened’ and ‘how’ to get at the deeper issue of who gets believed and the consequences of systemic injustice, misogony, and sexism. Merrit Wever and Kaitlyn Dever are remarkable. 

[superluckylq-blog]

If there was any element of surprise at all

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