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#there was a real feeling at any one time that 1 or 2 people in the group were struggling/not having fun
stellocchia · 13 hours
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Killer being incredibly touch-starved is something I've been thinking about for a while. We know very little about monster biology, let alone Killer's who's something in between, so I'm gonna base this on the effect of touch deprivation in the real world (which, yes, is a very real and highly studied thing. And no, the people using it as an excuse for why they're 'owed sex' are still full of shit, because to the human brain the kind of touch, as long as it's positive and well received, doesn't make a difference).
Killer, for his whole time with both Chara and Nightmare, is deprived of any positive touch. Nightmare stabbing him and forcefully manipulating his soul certainly doesn't count as positive, and most Chara did was cut him up for fun (and out of curiosity).
There is a chance for him to receive some affection in an expanded Nightmare's gang situation, as I refuse to believe that people stuck in such awful conditions together would not develop a certain degree of closeness. Still, they live under Nightmare, so they probably cannot afford to indulge in any form of comfort too much. And I don't doubt that, in such a tense situation, fights would also break out often. Meaning he'd most likely get more gaster blasters to the face than pats on the back.
With that out of the way, here are some of the symptoms Killer may experience:
Overwhelming loneliness
Strong cravings for affection
Feelings of depression
Anxiety
Heightened levels of Stress
Difficulty sleeping
Attachment avoidance patterns
He'd also most likely do things to emulate the feeling of touch like cuddling his cats a lot, laying under whatever heavy thing he can find, and taking hot showers/baths. After all, this is Killer we're talking about. These are a lot of feelings and uncomfortable sensations that are entirely out of his control, he's definitely gonna try and reign them in.
I do think that, of course, this would affect every Stage differently. And they'd probably go about dealing with it differently.
Stage 1 would have a conflicted relationship with touch. On one hand, it's hard for him to keep from showing the discomfort he's feeling due to the touch deprivation. On the other, he also always struggles with feelings of guilt regarding the fact that, in his mind, he put himself in this situation. He probably wouldn't think he deserves to feel better. And definitely wouldn't outright ask for a hug or to hold hands unless he was desperate.
He'd probably try to deal with it quietly. Probably running the shower as hot as it can get and hoping it gets rid of the itch in his bones. He has probably begged both Chara and Nightmare for affection before, though I doubt that ended well. I think Chara just pushed him away in Disgust, Nightmare probably made him regret asking.
I feel like later on with Color he's probably gonna need constant reassurances and frequent gentle reminders that he can ask for a hug whenever. And, if that feels like too much, he can sit close to Color, shoulder to shoulder. They can hold hands, and, when that feels like too much, they can interlock pinkies. There are ways for them to navigate around this. And I think Color would be happy to help from the get-go with him.
Meanwhile, with Stage 2 I've always felt like they probably dislike touch (something something they don't allow themselves to show any degree of vulnerability and never let go of control. Both things that would happen if they indulge in any amount of physical affection). To be clear, this does not mean that they're immune to the consequences of touch deprivation, it just means that dealing with them will be even harder for them.
During their time with Chara and Nightmare they'd probably use a lot of the good old "gaslighting themselves into thinking that everything is okay" method. Similarly to how they did with convincing themselves that they actually enjoy being hurt on the regular, eventually, they'd probably start believing it. Also, they'd be highly reliant on their cats if they have any around. Cuddling them does soothe a lot of the symptoms for quite a while, and those little balls of fur at least are not gonna backstab them.
Even once they're with Color, I still feel like Stage 2 would rather cuddle with animals than with other monsters or humans. They'd just be far more free to do so without the threat of Nightmare killing those little critters hanging over their head. Also! A lot of types of dance and stuff like theater can help stave off the touch starvation in a way that may feel more comfortable to them. In a lot of those situations, there's a ton of touch involved, but as they'd be able to remain professional about it, it would probably feel less like giving up control and showing weakness than the alternative of being physically affectionate with Color.
Stage 3 is an interesting one. I feel like it would be the most open to admitting (at least to itself) that they have an issue. However, to solve said issue would mean putting the body in danger and that's not something it's willing to do.
Still, it would try to mitigate the discomfort as much as it can. Trying to find soft things to wrap the body up tightly with. Trying to find small places where it can feel somewhat compressed. It would never try to ask either Nightmare or Chara for help. Ever. It hates them with a burning passion and, besides, it's fully aware that, whatever is wrong with them, is most likely the fault of those two.
It probably also would regard Color with distrust at first, but, eventually, as it comes to trust him, it probably would be more than happy to get some cuddles in with him. I do think its favorite thing would be to sleep all curled up around one another in whatever safe den it has built. And, of course, as it builds trust with more people, those people are gonna be let in too. Though that's gonna take time, because for Stage 3 to trust anyone, Stage 2 and Stage 1 have to trust them first.
Stage 4 my boy... it's suffering. Not only can it not remember any instances of kindness, however rare, the other 3 may have received, but it is also the one that would struggle the most receiving any kind of genuine help even after running away with Color. And, before that, it basically just gets treated like a dog. Though, no matter how much he'd want it, the treat for a job well done is never a hug or a pat on the head for it. Usually, it's just it being allowed some basic necessities like water, food, maybe even sleep if things went particularly well.
And it wouldn't try to soothe any of its needs by itself. Just like it doesn't eat, drink, or sleep if it's not explicitly allowed. If Nightmare or Chara wanted it to get a hot shower or some cuddles from its feline friends, they would have said it. Since they didn't clearly it's against the will of the Players, as they're the Players' mouthpieces. The same would go for Color not saying anything.
And, here's the thing, Color would struggle to show kindness to Stage 4 at first. Both because it starts off as hostile as it doesn't initially recognize him as an owner and because there is something fundamentally unsettling about a being so divorced from humanity and monsterkind wearing the face of his friend. Stage 4's biggest downfall is the fact that it is so other that even the kindest souls would struggle to not dehumanize it. It was created to be a tool and it doesn't recognize itself as anything more than that, so others often fall into the trap of doing the same.
Anyway, Stage 4 would straight-up weep the first time it gets a hug. And, seeing that, Color would undoubtedly feel like shit for ever thinking that Stage 4 wasn't just as lonely, hurt, and deserving of kindness as the other Stages.
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thestalwartheart · 2 days
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Some random things I've learned from writing and reading a LOT of smut:
So few characters are going to be smooth about sex, or even good at it.
All first times are at least briefly awkward.
Vulnerability + intense physical sensations + huge feelings = characters clamming up, moving awkwardly, getting overwhelmed etc etc
Seriously, sex can be so vulnerable, even if it's casual. Someone else is seeing all of you!! You are letting them inside!!
Not all characters will be comfortable talking dirty during sex...
...and dirty talk is so often not a verbose, flowing thing...
...AND sometimes silence (or an unfinished sentence) is hotter than any monologue of filth.
The mechanics matter a lot less than sensations and feelings.
No really, it's okay not to write out the 1-2-3 finger prep in full, laborious detail.
Contraceptives (esp condoms) are so rarely referenced in smutty fiction, and they don't tend to slide off or break (they do that a lot more often in real life).
People rarely spontaneously develop pet names in bed (unless it's been negotiated beforehand lol). If Character A is calling Character B 'baby' in bed when they've never referred to them like that in the story before, consider why they're doing it now. Is the sex dialogue really true to character?
BUT ALSO, a 'baby' or 'darling' slipping out mid-fuck presents an opportunity for a fun/hilarious reaction from Character B.
Semen isn't sticky. Lube is, after a while (though I'd describe it more accurately as tacky).
Sex is tiring. People get fatigued in one position after too long.
Sex is tiring. People aren't recreating cirque du soleil with twenty different positions in one session.
Water breaks are a thing!
Penetration doesn't have to be the end goal every time.
Neither does an orgasm.
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greenerteacups · 3 days
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Hello GT, I absolutely love Lionheart!
I published my first fic and have been dealing with some criticism; it’s not anythjng super hateful, but it’s not anything meant to make me improve either. I’ve been feeling sort of down because of it. My question is: have you ever dealt with hate or criticism before? What is your attitude towards it?
I find your work and answers on here super insightful and inspiring! I hope you have a nice day ❤️
Fuck em. Like, seriously, just fuck em. There's a time and place for writers to take critique and be strict with themselves; it's necessary for any artist to grow. That place is with a chosen group of creatives whose work you admire and whose judgment you trust. A rando on the Internet, while they may in fact be the next Marcel Proust, probably isn't. And I was raised to believe that while it's appropriate and kind to pay compliments to strangers when they're performing — just as you'd smile at a busker on the sidewalk, and or compliment a chalk artist — it's not appropriate to criticize them when what they do isn't to your tastes. They're providing you with their art for free. No one forced you to read it; no one forced you to listen. If you don't like it, it costs $0 to shut the fuck up.
Also — that thing I said about artists taking critique? That assumes that you're doing this out of a desire to improve your writing, which, while noble, is not actually a thing you need to do if you're a hobby writer. I like trying to improve; it makes me feel good. But at the end of the day, I do this for fun. I do this because in my real job, I am ruthless and self-critical and try really fucking hard to do well, and you need parts of your life that Aren't Like that. You need parts of your life where you're not worrying about whether you're Doing It Right. And living without that anxiety of critique is, paradoxically, the only way you'll find the artistic courage to take risks and develop new skills. Everyone is a little bit rough around the edges to begin with. (Not saying you're a beginner — you merely said "publish," and I certainly wrote a lot of things before I started publishing! But every artist is always trying to develop new skills and techniques; in the grand scope of things, we're all beginners.) Giving someone blunt critique when they're in the beginning phases of their journey as an artist is about as helpful as screaming at your six-year-old kid because he can't swim the butterfly.
And the thing is, these people will bluster and say "well, I'm just being honest, I'm just trying to be helpful," but like: mmmmmmno, you're not! You're not. And it's disingenuous to say so. Because if you were actually trying to be helpful, you would introduce yourself, offer your skills as an editor/beta reader, and start building the relationship of trust that grounds any meaningful co-creative partnership. People do not just accept random critique that comes flying at them from the blue nowhere. And issuing it in that form is the best way to make them hostile, defensive, and unreceptive to it. Delivering harsh feedback without a context of care and support is almost sure to fail as a method of actually changing behavior, and either (1) you know that, and are doing it anyway — presumably because you want people to know how Terribly Clever and Better At Writing you are, or (2) you sincerely have never thought about the effect that context and word choice have on how other people receive your meaning.
Which tells me you are the last fucking person on the planet I want writing advice from.
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lousypotatoes · 2 days
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I've Got A Smile On My Face
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Pt. 1 Pt. 2 Pt. 3 Pt. 4 Pt. 5 Pt. 6 Pt. 7 Pt. 8 Pt. 9 Pt. 10 Pt. 11
Song Recommendation:
Always - Irving Berlin
Warning! This chapter contains depictions of panic attacks, and graphic violence! If this triggers you or makes you uncomfy in any way shape or form, please read with caution.
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90 years ago...
It had been six months since Alastor kissed Y/N on her front porch. As expected, the two of them were now an item.
During the span of those six months, everything was absolutely perfect. The flower shop was thriving, Alastor's radio show was more popular than ever, Jasper didn't come by the shop since their interaction, and most importantly, Alastor and Y/N were so very much in love, Y/N felt that she fell more in love with him every time she saw him.
The only thing she didn't like about their relationship was the big secret she had to keep from him.
There were times that she oh so badly wanted to tell Alastor that her real job was killing people, and that running the flower shop was a cover up, but she was terrified that he was going to be disgusted with her, and leave her.
And Y/N didn't know what she would do if Alastor left.
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It was mid afternoon, almost noon. The weather outside was very rainy and very stormy. Y/N was arranging the shelves, making sure the flower buds were facing the front.
It always annoyed her when customers would look at flowers and not put them back the correct way.
When she was done, she walked to the register and counted the money.
She sighed. Business was very slow that day, obviously because of the rain. She had almost considered closing the shop up early and going home, but felt it was better to just stay, just in case any customers came in after the rain cleared up.
Sitting down the chair behind the counter, Y/N put her head in her hands, bored as ever.
Hopefully Alastor would come and visit her. He always did, but Y/N thought he might not today obviously because of the stormy weather.
To her surprise and delight, she heard the bell ring, signaling that there was a customer.
"Hello can I help yo-Alastor!"
"Hello, my love," Alastor said, swooping down to catch Y/N in a kiss.
Y/N would never get tired of kissing Alastor, no matter how many time she did kiss him. It was like magic every time.
"How has your day been?" Alastor asked as he pulled away.
"Very slow, but much better now that you're here," Y/N smiled. "How was yours?"
"As slow as molasses," Alastor sighed. "I had to cancel all my broadcasts today because of this damn weather."
"Oh, that's a shame," she said. "It seems like this weather is bringin' everybody down."
"You can say that again," he said. "You thinking of heading home early?"
"I was thinkin' 'bout it," she replied. "I think I'll stick around for a few more hours."
"Well, if you're not busy tonight," Alastor said, grabbing onto her hips. "How about dinner at my place?"
"Depends," Y/N said, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Are you gonna be the one cookin'?"
"Of course," he chuckled.
"Then I'll have to take a rain check on that," she giggled. "Dinner sounds nice, what time should I swing by?"
"I prefer around six," Alastor answered..
"Six it is," Y/N said. "You gonna head back home?"
"I suppose so, yes. I gotta tidy up a bit."
"All that for me?"
"Only the best for you, my dear," Alastor said, sincere. "I'll catch you later tonight."
"Aw, alright," Y/N pouted. "If I ain't there by at least seven, you better come and get me and drag me back to your place."
"Alright, I will, I promise," he laughed before leaning down and placing his lips on Y/N's.
The kiss was sweet and loving, as it always was. The way their lips perfectly molded against each other, like they were made for each other, made Y/N's heart feel like it was about to burst.
The only reason they broke apart was so they could breath air.
If Y/N could, she would make Alastor her air.
"Goodbye, Al," she smiled up at him. "I love you."
"I love you most," he said, before letting go of her.
He gave her one more smile before walking out of the shop, the bell ringing, signaling his leave.
Y/N walked back behind the counter, a dreamy smile on her face.
"I'm going to marry that man someday," she dreamily said to herself.
Even though it was rainy and story outside, nothing could ruin this perfect day.
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It was 5:45 in the evening. Y/N was counting the money in the register for the twelfth time that day.
Besides Alastor, only three other people came in the shop that day.
Screw the rainy weather. No one even likes rain that much anyway.
Looking up at the clock, Y/N decided that she was going to stop working, and head over to Alastor's
Going into the back room, she put the money into a safe under a fake floorboard, checked her nightly schedule for that week (thankfully she only had to kill two people that week), and grabbed her umbrella and her raincoat, preparing to go into the cold rainy weather.
Walking out of the back room, she was stopped dead in her tracks, a look of fear and despair on her face.
"J-Jasper," she choked. "What are you doin' here?"
The two of them hadn't interacted since the incident in the flower shop six months ago. Y/N had hoped that Jasper had taken the hint and decided to leave her alone.
But this was Jasper we're talking about, and things never were easy with him, no matter how big or small the situation was.
"Just came to say hi," he said, a sadistic and gleeful smile on his face. He was holding something behind his back, but Y/N didn't know what.
"It's been a while since we've seen each other, thought we could catch up a bit."
He started to walk closer to Y/N, she started to back up.
"So now you're with that mama's boy, Alastor Altruist, huh?" he said, still grinning. "Didn't think you would be into a weirdo like that, but oh well."
Y/N didn't say anything, too frozen in fear to say a single word.
Jasper then revealed what was behind his back. It was a long, thin, razor sharp blade, the kind that Y/N would use when she didn't feel like using any of her guns.
If you wanted to kill someone real quick, you would use a blade like the one Jasper had.
Y/N's eyes widened in fear and terror.
She had a small pistol in her office, but there was no way she was going to be able to get it without putting up a fight.
"Y'know darling," he drawled, creeping very slowly towards her. "I didn't quite like the things you said to me the last time we talked.
Y/N gulped, slowly inching herself towards a shelf holding a dozen flower vases.
Jasper didn't notice. "Not gonna say anything, huh?" he asked, eyes glinting sinisterly.
"Don't worry, I'm not gonna hurt you, I'm just gonna spill your fuckin' guts out."
Jasper lunged at Y/N, ready to strike.
Quickly, Y/N grabbed one of the vases on the shelf, and smashed it over Jasper's head, glass shards and flowers going everywhere all over the floor.
"You bitch!" Jasper snarled. He stopped in his tracks for a moment, clutching his bleeding head.
Y/N took this opportunity to try and run out of the front door.
She decided that it was stupid if she locked herself in her back room. If she ran out the front door, she could just run to the nearest public place and get help.
She was just a few feet from the door, when Jasper grabbed onto her wrist, twisting it hard.
Y/N turned around and was getting ready to punch him in the jaw, but that was replaced with a cry of pain and anguish.
Jasper had stabbed Y/N in the stomach, just above where her belly button was.
Y/N's eyes widened in surprise and fear, crying out again when Jasper stabbed her a second time.
"How does that feel?" he whispered. "Doesn't feel too good does it?"
"F-" Y/N stuttered. "Fuck you!"
With a snarl, Jasper stabbed her in the shoulder.
Blood was oozing out of all three of her stab wounds, staining both her and Jasper's clothes, and staining the white marble tile.
Jasper dragged her away, propping her in a siting position behind the counter.
"No one's gonna find you right here," he smirked. "Besides, you'll die in at least thirty minutes anyway."
Y/N knew that wasn't right, but didn't say anything, scared out of her mind.
What was she going to do?
She wasn't ready to die.
She didn't want to die.
What would happen to her shop?
What would happen to precious dog, Honey?
What would happen to Alastor?
As one last 'fuck you', Jasper bent down, kissed Y/N's sweaty forehead, and walked out the front door, the bell chiming.
As soon as he left, Y/N tried to get off the ground. She tried at least five times. But each time she tried, she failed, she fell back onto the ground with a painful wail.
After the fifth time, she stared up at the ceiling, wondering what would happen when someone found her body.
Maybe this was karma for all the people she had killed over the fifteen years she had been an assassin, she thought.
As Y/N thought about it more, she actually didn't feel like she was going to die. Yes, it was painful, but it just felt like she hadn't had any sleep in a really long time.
And she really wanted to sleep.
She looked up at the clock. It was 5:58.
She laughed dryly. If only she had left a little bit earlier, even if it was just a minute, she wouldn't of been on the floor bleeding out.
With one last sigh coming out of her mouth, she closed her eyes, succumbing to the darkness, and passed out thinking about Alastor and her dog.
In no way she was ready to die, or wanted to, but she accepted that there was nothing she could do, and that this was karma.
She deserved to die, she thought
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CLIFFHANGER
i wont be uploading any time this weekend or next weekend because i'll be in disneyland
i'm so excited
stay safe and drink lots of water <33
xoxo, Izzy
Taglist 💋
@maksdust @trippoverrt @slytherin4ever @lucifers-silhouette @a-small-tyrant
@mo-0-o @cutiebimbo @mommymilkers0526 @mikariell95 @al-of-the-stars
@martinys-world @bibliophile-yomna @mysticwitchcraftco @notsoaverageguy-1997 @flamewriterr
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nqueso-emergency · 2 days
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It took me a while to get the courage to type you a message. (This is a nice one! I promise!) I know certain people have not taken kindly to you or the things you share, but I really wanted to personally message you to say "Thank you" for being our beacon in this fog that is the other side of the fandom.
I've watched 9-1-1 since having my daughter in 2022, and it got me through some really tough times with post partum. I just recently joined the fandom, and part of me wishes I didn't. I've met some real sweet BuckTommy shippers, but it's sometimes really hard to tune out the crazies and the nonsense they spew. It's really hard to ignore the wishful thoughts of cheating and off screen break ups. Dont get me started on the LFJ hate. did any of their other LIs get this much hate? I don't understand and I don't care to. Honestly, when I was watching the show I didnt get coupley vibes from Eddie and Buck, but a deep brotherly connection that 2 best friends can form. (Yes, I'm watching the same show everyone else is.) Thank you for showing that I'm very much not the only one that thinks this way.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for giving me hope that these 2 will get their happily ever after that they deserve. I'm so excited to see their relationship bloom and grow with time.
Thank you for sharing this with me!
I completely understand your feelings about wishing you didn't join fandom, because I feel the same. It doesn't matter what you say or do there is always someone watching ready to twist everything into ruining your experience.
I also wish I never would have opened up about my mother's passing and my cousin's career.
Ignorance sure is bliss.
I hope you can still find joy in this fandom and just know I'm always rooting for everyone in my notes.
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lynxalon · 7 days
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i've seen a fair bit of... pessimism about dorym lately, esp with the ep107, for example wondering if dorian's opposing views on the gods making orym fall out of love, and i have to say. i very highly doubt it, ur fr talking about the man who has held on to will for so long, holding onto will's family and affectionately calling this *his* family too because that didn't stop when will died. i dont think falling out of love is an option or even a thought to orym.
that said, we know that orym has contingencies for if anyone in bells hells crosses the line into being a version of themselves they would despise, for anyone who jeopardizes their mission. his mission. i think, for the first time since knowing dorian, orym finally has a contingency for him. the longer dorian is back, the more orym sees how scarred he is by what's happened (understandable so) and knows that dorian is with bells hells all the way. but if he isn't...
#lynx speaks#critical role spoilers#cr spoilers#dorym#dorian x orym#i'll be so fr i hardly interact with the cr fandom at large bc soooooo many people are deeply pessimistic#i want to have fun!!!!! i AM having fun#and then i come here and see the most bad faith takes in all of the world ever and its disheartening!#where's ur fucken JOY where's ur fucken WHIMSY#bells hells is one of the wackiest groups with crazy dynamics between them all and its enjoyable!#ur Allowed to enjoy the things u watch i prommy#and to that point! people keep complaining that bells hells r indecisive and there r too many opposing views muddying things etc etc#1. ofc there r a lot of views. the real world is like that too. opposing views is one of the best story elements to enrich ur made up world#2. whenever there is a Big Decisive moment many instantly go 'noooooo not like that!!! that's not what *i*wanted' (ex: the shard.)#the cast receiving backlash from fans every time they r decisive and do something objectively fucken cool and interesting#means that any time they Think about doing a Big Thing... it gets a little harder bc what if the fans hate it. again. should i even do this#separating fandom from cast is a bit more difficult for this form of media and the inherent close proximity or creators to audience#so. just. maybe some of us could chill and cool off just a little. and maybe examine why This Thing is so terrible to u. and remember.#it may be terrible to *u* but thats where it stops. the specific bad feelings u have r not always indicative of media being Bad.#sometimes it's just not ur cup of tea and i PROMMY that its okay if its not
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velvetjune · 6 months
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the chapter songs in Alan Wake 2,, flawless
#they deserve more love and discussion#saying this while also not knowing what to say other than they’re so fucking good#alan wake 2#i think it’s partially because poets of the fall’s tracks are iconic so of course they’re in the spotlight (as deserved)#but also the CHAPTER SONGS. them being made for a given chatacter(s) with the help of Sam lakes poetry#the changes with ‘this road’ by Poe with every Alan chapter. becoming more distorted and revealing lyrics and the spiral#the scratch song being 1) hilarious and 2) similar to Zane’s poetry in the aw1 arg#the emotion in superhero when saga feels lost at the story making it so Logan was gone#the lines of her feeling like a ghost in this story forming around her.. how she feels guilty and absent for both what the story’s doing#and being away from Logan because of her job. ashdhhhhjhh my heart#AND. follow you into the dark HAS to be alice. which kills me because at for at I thought of Alan#but no. Alice jumped in the dark place after him. it’s so !!!!!!!!!!!#the rabbit hole line. Alice spiraling deeper and deeper into a dream—into wonderland#the Lost at Sea one is also good. intrigues me. the Bowie and Lynch references are blatantly aw2 Zane#but it’s so similar to diver Zane and the ‘originals’ death. being lost in the dark place with illusions of escape#and losing any sense of identity. whether he’s real at all or the monster of this sea or just a lost soul.#the soft and calm vocals / instrumental really makes the whole thing#NEED to stop typing more tags because this is a Lot. however.#‘no one left to love’ is also a phenomenal song and one of my favorites from the album. GORGEOUS vocals and how it all flows together.#such a powerful and beautiful way to end a chapter#anyway that’s all I had to say :)#god. I’ve started to watch a few playthroughs of the game and 90% of people have skipped the chapter songs and every time im#that’s fair but my brain and soul might implode if I don’t see anyone else talking about how good these songs are
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cerealmonster15 · 3 months
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haikaveh... save me haikaveh...
i KNOW it's been talked about to death but. the haikaveh research project. it literally haunts my mind. i cannot get over the implications. alhaitham going through his school life as someone that most people dont even really know about because he keeps to himself and doesn't socialize, with kaveh being the one exception to that, finding his way into his life as his Best Friend, and then leading to alhaithams one and only time he participated in a research topic. his bio says he only ever did ONE joint project!!! one!!! the one with kaveh his best friend and i think also his only friend at the time!!!! and then it ended in not only the project falling apart but also alhaithams only friendship. kavehs best friendship. they were each others closest person. they had no family around - alhaithams parents having died when he was young and his grandmother dying before he joined the akademiya, and kaveh's dad dying when he was young and his mom having moved to fontaine. like even if you dont look at it through a romantic lens it's still undeniable how important they were [and are] to each other..........
i'm getting off track but my point is very specifically for alhaitham, the one time he got close to someone, made a friend, even agreed to join one(1) group project ever, it ended in disaster. it led him into a fight so bad that his one and only friend said he regretted that friendship!!!! it was so bad alhaitham left the project and he and kaveh didnt speak for ages until they just happened to run into each other again at the tavern!!!!! like obviously it has to be incredibly awful for both of them but i just think how this probably had alhaitham in the cynical mindset that friendships and collaborations like that might just never work out for him because the one time he let someone into his life, it blew up on him and he was all alone again. even though alhaitham never seems to care much if people dont like him, that clearly cant still apply to someone he was exceptionally close to. like if he didnt care he woudlnt have been the one to take his name off the project and mutually not speak to kaveh...... kavehs words are the ones that hit the most significantly to alhaitham.......... kaveh is said/implied to have had at least some other friends while at school / people knew who he was, but not so much alhaitham. people didnt know him and the ones that did just knew he didnt socialize/he was not easy to get along with. he only had kaveh and then, for a while, he lost him too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#the number of times i have reread alhaitham character story 4 and kaveh character story 5. like. dont look at me. kfjsdklfh#on one hand im tempted to think alhaitham would have a fully cynical view of friendship#and be like USELESS NEVER AMOUNTS TO ANYTHING but. i kinda dont think he works like that#well i dont think he would think that either way now but#even in times of friendship breaking up w/kaveh like#alhaitham is very FACTS AND LOGIC and i feel like he would still like#idk. understand the objective value of human companionship. whether or not he feels it works for him#HOWEVER. jkdlhfsd he is also the one who in his other lore bits was like 'grandmother the other children are boring at school'#AT AGE SEVEN god he was probably such an unintentionally funny child. i love u alhaitham u are so neurodivergently coded#so idk i feel like he would have a period where hes like okay. i was alone before and clearly that was the right call bc my 1 friend is gon#even if he does well alone i cant even imagine like. kaveh mustve been a huge impact and difference in alhaithams life#humans need SOME level of socialization!! and kaveh was his.... aughhh god they literally also read as having a bad breakup!!!!!#queer coded TO ME!!!!!! friends to rivals/friends to lovers to enemies to it's complicated..................#but again even if u dont think of it in a romantic sense like it's still so much. they were and are so significant to each other.#their bond is so complex and oughghdhgh they make me go bonkers#i do not think of any other 2 genshin characters so intensely as i do them .what have they done to me. what the fuck.#im alone in my stupid little genshin pit endlessly babbling about these motherfuckers!!!!!!!#and i love them. also i like that one scene in i think cynos 2nd character quest where al and kav r in the library or w/e#and kavehs like wtf no way u dont small talk w/coworkers. and alhaithams like no i just happen 2 hear people but i do not engage#hes so real he likes to eavesdrop but he does NOT want to get involved!!!!!!!!!!!!#also that same scene where kaveh goes 'WTF looking thru these will take FOREVER!!!!' alhaitham: 'ill manage'#kaveh: >:( FINE ILL HELP YOU!!!! like ok he did not ask. silly.#and alhaitham teasing him right after all that. 'teach me to pretend u werent listening' '...' '...' '...' '...HEY STOP IGNORING ME' 'see.'#theyre so goofy. kaveh u walked right into that one. ily.#i love when i talk about characters and it's literally just me going 'wow remember when character x said this. remember when he did that.'#i just love repeating scenes and dialogue and lore over and over and over and offering nothing new to say about it JKFLDSHKLFH#sorry i love them SO much and im bad at drawing and bad at fanfic so i just have to ramble in text posts forever#i do have. a fanfic outlined for them. i am just scared to write it#nothing crazy deep or whatever but yknow. im in a bit of a Funk Right Now dont worry about it#i need a constant stream of alhaitham and kaveh content constantly injected directly into my brain.
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blastlight · 2 months
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every so often i think about how if i ever make a post or something that blows up, i'll immediately be harassed en masse by people claiming i'm a zionist
#i've seen the people you call zionists and that's when i know we're not speaking the same english#1) every time it's about someone who *isn't* pro-israel and/or *is* pro-palestine:#but what they *are* is somebody who condemns hamas or mourns 10/7 or calls out antisemitism or thinks israelis are normal people#defensive anti-propoganda on tumblr (where the majority opinion seems to be that israel and *anything and anyone remotely connected to it*-#-is Pure Evil) is not indicative of somebody's full opinions or their other actions#do you know how many progressive jews debate with pro-israeli-government jews offline and in more prominently jewish spaces?#no. because there's no room here to talk about any of that#not when discussion is seen as co-conspiring and the only real action is extreme action#jews *are* a close-knit community and a lot of jews probably don't feel comfortable airing their arguments within the community#because there's also a general feeling that regardless of our actual politics people are going to consider us a monolith and-#-be antisemetic across the board. this is a feeling that does not originate from but was heavily reinforced by the Holocaust.#2) i don't know how good of an idea it is to say this so bluntly but it's sorta horrifying how easily people will just say 'X is a zionist'#and expect that one word to carry so much meaning that no other explanation is required.#Zionist. Evil. Stay away.#i'm so fucking exasperated and disappointed#not only does *actual* zionism come in many different forms functionally#but the word means *nothing* when you use it to mean so many different things *which do not all hold the same weight*#blast babbles#jumblr#i/p#sorta#ask to tag#regarding the actual post here...#i'm not a zionist#i'm not an antizionist#i'm not comfortable trying to stick a label that's bigger than me over my name#i don't have any illusions that people will judge my opinions fairly either way#just don't say that i'm something i'm not#just because i say some of the same things as people you don't like#gonna have reblogs off but replies on. feel free to chip in. (edit: tag limit reached!)
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Various images from the past year or so... posting my evil little photo diary collections once again..
#image commentary in tags once again since they don't allow captions anymore and I feel weird using the alt text for that --#1. one of the billions of pastel sky photos I take and post constnaly because I'm obsessed with the sky lol 2. I got#a gardening mama (like cooking mama) game from a friend a few years ago and don't really play it that much since it's not#as interesting to me in some ways but.. I do like the graphics a lot. It'd be cool if in real life when you did something correclty a bunch#of little rainbows and sparkles appeared in front of you lol. 3. Everyone makes fun of me but this is how I like to have sandwiches#.. basically a salad in between two pieces of bread. barely any meat and cheese but then like 2 inches of lettuce and tomatoes and stuff..#half an entire head of iceberg lettuce on one sandwich... the Cronch... 4. Weird little light colored spider doing a split on the netting#of this strawberry garden. 5. ice creambe... 6. tiny tiny babey strawberry son.. 7. Went to someone's house and they#had this weird channel (I guess for halloween?) where it was like 8 different channels playing at once and you could watch them all#simultaneously (I don't think this is the intended purpose of it I think it's more just to show what's currently airing)#but it's kind of surreal and interesting.. with how on tiktoc and stuff they have those weird sensory overhwleming#videos where its' like 3 videos playing at once with unrelated audio. I wonder if one day people will just watch 8 screens#of tv at once like this after everyone offically has only a 2 second attention span lol. To me its kind of hard to pay attention#to but is an interesting excercise I guess. Like it was a cool challenge to try to watch it all at the same time#8. THE temperature indoors at NIGHT during the late summer........... AUGH.....#9. a pleasant little breakfast of scrambled eggs with green onion. baked salmon. sauteed corn. and a few almonds pecans and pineapple#leftover from making smoothies with it the day before. I eat basically the same rotation of things for every single meal every single#day (like literally I have had the same exact breakfast for about 2 years with zero variation except for special occasion) so whenever I do#actually have the energy to make something different or I have some interesting food for some special occasion reason. I feel more#inclined to document it lol.. like.. oooooo...eggs.. Which are normal to some people. but to me it's like.. wow... revolutionary.. so#different from my usual Scheduled Bland Stomach Problems Safety Gruel lol.#photo diary#spiders tw
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muzzlemouths · 2 years
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I noticed you made a new DnD character.
If you tell me about your favorite character build I’ll tell you mine 😁
Oh man I love making builds I probably couldn't pick just one...
The build of my most recent character (Althos "Lucky Snout" Marfras) is a halfling dragonborn, and follows the Luckiest Man Alive trope because I just had to have a character that gets through life on charisma and coincidence alone.
His background/race/class all combine to give him just stupid amounts of luck. Which is great because he has -1 Strength and a tendency of running headfirst into danger.
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I haven't gotten a chance to use him in a campaign yet but I'm really really excited to.
If I had to pick a build that's already been used in a campaign, it'd be my favorite d&d character, Nikaia! A paladin Aasimar with a knack for healing and a patience without end (but which is constantly tested by their party members lol)
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Their art is done by the wonderful @71eh
Unfortunately they never ran over Lvl 2 because they're kiiiiinda a stick-in-the-mud and the party they were a part of leans more towards silly times and memery so they didn't really fit in. They're still my favorite though <3 I'll find another campaign to put them in one of these days.
ANYWAY. I love making d&d characters lol. What's YOUR favorite? :D
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ghosts-of-love · 1 year
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i will admit it was a very up-and-down day but my favourite parts of my town's pride yesterday:
went tits/nips out for the whole day
walked 10 miles somehow???
my friend's 80 Yr old aunt joined us for a bit and complimented my outfit AND told me i've got very hairy ("you've got more hair on your belly than I've got on my head!" your honour I LOVE HER)
got lots of compliments on the patches on my sleeveless jacket
me and my friends hung out with the local cryptid (adoring) and turns out he likes us !! and we've now adopted a thirty summat creachur and might do crafts with it
me and my friend halfheartedly brought some jewellery and patches to sell at a friend's stall and actually we made a whole bunch of money!! enough to buy way more jewellery supplies for the next fundraiser!! 🩷🩷
all the free shit from stalls
chatting with some bears in leather about the old pub that's now a squat
the hilarious division of all the free condoms that had been shoved into my bag throughout the entire day ("considering I'm not actually getting any, I suppose I'll give you the lion's share 🙄" - me to my friends, while still keeping a measly 8 just to say I had some)
apparently some people came up to the stall and said that me and my friends were really cool which I wasn't there for but am choosing to believe is true!!
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burger-goblin · 1 year
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rancidarling · 2 years
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must my brain sound like an edgy incel chronically online gamer that screams slurs into the mic when they lose a Fortnite match -_-
#like whenever I'm#idk ig splitting would be the right term here#every thought just becomes a violent stew of slurs and view points that I don't normally have otherwise#got nothing against fat people but if I'm splitting on one#you best believe my thoughts are gonna revolve around every generic fatphobic insult you've ever heard#even though I literally don't even agree with any of it....#goes for literally anything you can discriminate against too#honestly it feels pretty gross#and gets pretty weird when it's like... demeaning against women... when I'm also...a woman#like good job brain you insulted yourself in the process#I guess these are like intrusive thoughts in a way?#idk the racist ones in particular just feel really gross#like did I REALLY just think that? for real? girl who ARE you#I know not to take it too seriously bc 1. thought crimes aren't real and#2. if the switch hadn't flipped and I wasn't temporarily upset with that individual#I wouldn't think a single discriminatory thing about them. I wouldn't be vehemently insulting them and cussing them out with vitriol#it's just 'oh I hate you now' *cue an endless steam of random swearing and slurs and discrimination and violent feelings of hatred*#and then back to 'oh you're cool I love you again' with a 'what the actual fuck was i just thinking??'#...... I can't believe these are my moral standards of gross#like oh noes I called someone a stupid fat bitch....in my head.... that I don't even agree with 90% of the time#I never say any of this out loud at least. thank the stars I know how to hold my tongue#r.r
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omotelie · 17 days
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WHERE’S MY FUKING CAPO
#my post#funny#relatable#guitar#music#bjork#wait you can only have 30 tags the joke is much less funny if i don’t have a fucking wall of the stuff i guess i’ll just make this one reall#and 140 characters per tag this is stifling my creativity meh i was running out of popular tags anyway bjork’s not that popular of a tag tho#tbh i was running out of inspiration after like the 4 tag this joke was not meant to be at least not by my hand and i guess it wasn’t that f#unny either i cooled down real fast on that one you know what i’m pivoting this is no longer popular tags just my train of thought for as lo#ng as i feel like it the first few one might not even make sense when i’m done but who cares not me clearly it is quite annoying how i can’t#use commas tho make’s this harder to read than it needs to any way i lost my capo for like the third time my desk isn’t even that messy but#don’t know where else i would’ve put it it’s not lying on any of my instruments either i probably put it quote somewhere i would remember un#quote but clearly i didn’t i’m usually very good at remembering where i put things put the capo is the zone in between i use this often and#i use this every other year so i never remember where it is stored it is 1 am so i guess i’m going to bed soon anyway but still this is goin#g to annoy me until tomorrow i don’t even need it right i’ve had to remove so many tags the original joke barely makes sense anymore i’m kee#ping bjork tho you can pry her out of my cold dead hands not that i really listen to her music or know her i just like saying her name i’ts#got good mouth feel and it’s fun to spell i didn’t realize how long filling 30 tags would be what’s 140 times 30 let me look it up 4200 this#makes this post my biggest project by like 3000 words the only time i’ve written any meaningful lengths of texts was in college and i’m a dr#opout what 4200 characters not words silly little me makes a lot more sense now that i think about it i’m getting tired of writing so this m#ay end soon i would like to not go to bed at 4 am for a silly little post 2 people are going to read plus i am running out of ideas of thing#s to write i am very much not a writer writing scares me even writing lyrics for songs terrifies me i’ve only manage to write lyrics for one#without getting too self conscious and imploding but i’m better at writing songs with vocals i’ve never had anyone to write music with and w#ithout the ability to sing or write lyrics it’s been difficult the singing has been more or less remedied with synth v but the puter can’t w#rite lyrics for meso until i get a lyricist friend i will have to toughen up you can’t make art without making yourself known to those who c#onsume it but lyrics and poetry has always been 1 step too far for me tbh i’d rather spontaneously combust rather than let people know me i#do not look at my very numerous in stars and time posts and reblogs they are completely unrelated to this don’t think about it oh look behin#d you there’s a distraction oh you’ve missed it i have been writing this for half an hour and i am getting so sick of it i revealed informat#ion about the inner machinations of my mind i have not done this since last time i saw a therapist 5 years ago this is fucked up what a self#impose writing challenge can do to you luckily this is the last tag i’m doing lucky me well this was fun this is going to end suddenly so do
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cosmicsnufkin · 2 months
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#ignore me#i'm just stressed out#the thing is. i made a decision a long time ago not to reblog posts with guilt-trips no matter how well intentioned#both for my own sake and bc i didn't want to be the one putting it on somebody's dash#especially after reading about how especially difficult guilt-trippy posts can be for e.g. ppl with ocd or smth similar#and that's all well and good in most cases when it's not directly tied to ppl's lives#but when it comes to this it does definitely feel like i don't have a leg to stand on since it so very much is people's lives at stake#and i don't feel like i have the moral highground to decide something like that#especially when - while they might affect people in a similar way to guilt-trips - they're not intentionally that#another one of my problems with sharing them on tumblr is that i don't have enough active followers for anything to reach a big audience#and i barely get notes anyway and these certainly don't get enough to get around#probably bc ppl are 1) overwhelmed and have already given money if they can#and 2) wary since they don't know which ones to trust#especially when the scam ones look so much like the real ones and idek how ppl know someone is qualified to verify a fundraiser#all 3 asks i've gotten have been vetted by the same account and it feels off#but the thought of not sharing when they've reached my inbox feels cruel#and it all just feels so lackluster when there are tens upon thousands of fundraisers needing to raise hundreds upon thousands of euros#and it just seems to lead to most of them getting a third of the way there#it's so much more organized with smth like project olive branch particularly on tt where a bigger creator focuses on one family at a time#bc it increases the chance of individual fundraisers meeting their goals#while this just feels like spreading sadness guilt and a lackluster feeling of hopelessness with barely any result#esp when most of the notes are 'reblogging bc i cant donate'#(also genuine question: where does the many go if a fundraiser doesn’t meet its goal? to gofundme the site??)#bc like. even if i put all of the money i own towards one fundraiser i wouldn't meet the goal#rn i donate monthly to doctors without borders in the hopes that the money actually goes to use#and i've donated to a few fundraisers but there are so. so. many. and i don't understand how you're supposed to CHOOSE#it's absolutely fucked up to have to sit there and think about which family you're going to give your money to#it's not like one family 'deserves' it more than another#they all fucking deserve the money! they all deserve to get out of there they all deserve to live their fucking lives FREE#idek what i'm doing here anymore i hope no one actually read this i just needed to get it out and my diary wasn't cutting it
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