#there shouldve been a moment where all 3 of them touch.......

[asraeas]

Cyrano and Christian + physical touch "Is there a version of life where two men can live as one person?" National Theatre Live: Cyrano de Bergerac (2020)

[zed-36]

@ 18: the questions weren't actually that strict! you could interpret them however you liked :) that said, im curious what you would add to the story? i love reading ur ideas and interpretations of the characters n stuff!

oh no prob, i did enjoy thinking of what i could change without adding anything new (i will talk too much if i dont contain myself) BUT since you have asked...

ill share these ideas as a general change to the series as a whole (WR and Acceleracers- also i will call Acceleracers AC for short if i need to).

There is a lot i feel needs to change- but two major points are lore (and direction of it in the story) and characters.

The lore of the series is all weird due to what changed between WR and AC, but its also too surface level. its for kids, its probably why its not so expansive. but it does leave a lot of confusion to me and while i would have to spend much more time to fully “rebuild” the world, i will give some ideas on what i would see changed.

One, at least making it make sense all the way through. i think Acceleracers had the best ideas but it shouldve been expanded on in WR- WR barely touched on actual Acceleron lore. Overall i would like to see the Accelerons 100% remade from the ground up. i LOVE aliens and alien society but i feel all we know of them is they race. and thats its. and sadly AC wasnt seen through to where we may have seen a bit more. but they need to be redone, with lore also point to exactly why the drones woke up when they did, what their drive is, etc. Why is Gelorum the way she is too, very important lor aside from characters. I wouldnt want the series to become a huge Lore Dump but there are moments where they intended to drop lore and they just. dont really do that, at least not well. Imagining the series with more extensive lore would obviously see it being longer than what it is, which i think makes sense. in the end if i was to properly write out all lore it would be a huge rebuild of 1) the Accelerons as an alien society, in depth 2) the full origins of the Drones/Gelorums (how they ended up where they did, what makes them how they are now and 3) a more cohesive plotting of events that would lead to lore revealed. also developing what “Scrim” and “clyp” were, along with the actual depth of Silencerz and how far back they go has been on my mind a lot. scrim and clyp just vanish from lore but in my headcanon backstory for Gelorum, i mention how those things existed too. if anyone has more specific questions on lore tho i can answer those individually! its just a lot to go over lol.

The characters though, oh god where do i start. not gonna touch on every individual (feel free to ask about someone and how i would rewrite them/change them), but theres a lot i would want to see different.

Theres some good ideas in the series that are just not explored much, or the actions dont feel like they have impacts. And many characters have literally zero backstory to go off of... Everyone needs at least some kinda origin in mind, doesnt have to be said but knowing where they come from is one key detail that i think is nice to drop some times. characters referncing locations, where they went, etc... its little but its good to have. In the WR comics, most of these characters do have origins! but theyre completely forgotten in the movies it seems. it would have been cool it WR tied together some of these ‘really good drivers’ and maybe they were in the same races together or something. there are 35 people and none of them seem to know each other at least not in detail- other than Vert and Alec who are clearly friends. Kurt Wylde was written to have done some “illegal” modifications in a race, what is someone there knew him? what if it brought up tension/suspicions? Things like that, its all part of where they come from and its a shame the movies just dont connect them very well.

I think theres some specific characters i will give examples to ‘rewrtiting’ and most of it is AC focused!

Kurt & Markie..... i love them, really do! but after WR i just did not like where they went. i get it, kinda ironic for Markie to become such an opposite. buuuut it was a bit much to me. first off, i would actually expand on the “crime” and that would 100% change the outcome of the two. the period between WR and AC shouldve gone different and in turn, i think wouldve changed up MM and Teku completely! i want to imagine Kurt is trying to get away from bad habits after WR but, perhaps has a really good deal with someone who had also gotten him into illegal car part business in the past. he is tempted and ropes Markie in with the idea they could do so more secretly but are caught, and while Markie is nervous and young he spills all the beans, but none of that evidence goes to Kurt and he stays silent, managing to get out of it. However instead of Kurt going to Teku and Markie going to MM.... Kurt tries to join Teku in the idea of joining a less rowdy gang, but Vert believes full Kurt let his brother take all the blame- so they dont allow him in. He goes for MM, which takes him easily but this team’s energy really doesnt help him. In turn, Markie leaves jail and Vert is swift to allow Markie into Teku because theyre friends! and it helps keep Markie in a better place, not wanting to get back into bad stuff. The important thing is tho, this switch up wouldnt result in super harcore, asshole Kurt. i feel like instead, he would be in an awkward place of wanting to improve himself but MM’s rebellious attitude coaxes him into worse attitudes. AND... very much an oppurtunity for Gelorum to manipulate him once more, as the accelechargers are much more important to acquire, with multiple, we’d loop back again. in the end though! i could imagine the story would still bring in the same scenario- Markie gets taken by drones, Kurt saves him, they rekindle and Kurt also comes to realize he shouldnt give in to the ways he used to practice.

i think for AC, in order to find more interest in the characters,  a switch up with the teams would be neat. Markie and Kur swapping was always on my mind, but i have thought about Teku!Taro. I think it would’ve been cool to throw in an background guy from WR into MM... like Harrison Lau. some more familiar faces would bring interesting dyanmics considering their backgrounds. and it think it wouldve fleshed out the teams a bit more in places they lacked.

Another thing i think is clear is there is lots of unexplored potential. Like dyanmics i express with Markie, characters like Lani, Karma, Tork, etc... oh there is so much i would add for them. Karma has a weird thing with being mentioned to look like Gelorum, and her prefectionism too but it was never touched on. What if it caused conflict? What if it made her question their morals? Or with Tork- i would honestly just rewrite how he tackles Tone’s death and the resolution, that whole thing in movie was weird and messy and made no sense to me imo. Lanu had something going for her but she felt so disconnected from the WR characters in AC, which is a shame! oh there are so many to go over lol. i hope to tackle some of these loose ends in the fics i have in mind but yeah... there is so much to say about changing these characters!!

[catnippackets]

have you seen/would u recommend pacific rim 2? ive heard some things about newt and idk lol

I feel like Im in the minority that actually did think pru was fun but that being said it ended SO abruptly and with like three separate plotlines completely abandoned that I was really frustrated for days after watching it until I had processed everything and had time to think deeply about it lol it just seemed rly unfinished?? it feels like it was deliberately made as 1/2 of two sequels and there needs to be one more to tie everything up. actually I’m gonna ramble abt this bc I have a lot of thoughts (obvs spoilers under the cut)

the thing about the second one was that I genuinely was enjoying it right up until it ended because I swear to god the moment the end screen went up I yelled "what the fuck, that's it?" out loud into my bedroom bc I was so SHOCKED that THAT'S how it all ended, because it just seemed so incomplete?? Like it seemed like one half of a story, that will only be made whole if there's a third one to tie up all the plotlines that they didn't go through with in the second and if that's the case then I will be completely fine with it but if it doesn't or if they dont have a third one at all I will stay so frustrated lol. one silver lining to this is that the vibe of this movie was so different from the first that it almost feels easy to separate it and just imagine it as an AU if you prefer which is sort of nice; usually if a piece of media I like does something bad I feel all gutted and anxious and terrible that this is the canon I have to accept, but something abt this movie just made it feel like it was sort of a totally separate deal. maybe cuz only 3 of the original characters were in it idk

to start off: I felt like there were a couple of plotlines in it that were just sort of introduced and then never seen through which was very ????? Amara & Vik's weird hate-rivalry thing was one of them; Vik instantly has it out for Amara bc she’s jealous, which is a very interesting concept, and then this prompts Amara to become hostile right back at her, which is also a very interesting concept, and then it never got resolved at all? like they couldve done something really cool with those two but it just never went anywhere. and then there was sort of a weird love triangle thing happening between Jake and Nate and Jules that felt so weird bc it had no significance to the plot at all and it felt like it was only thrown in there for the sake of having ~romantic drama~ idk maybe I wasnt paying too much attention and there was more to it than that but it really just seemed like they wanted to put romance in there and didnt want to bother to put any work into it

BUT the thing about romantic sub plots is that THERE ALREADY WAAAAS OOOOOOOOONE which brings me to the biggest frustration I have w this movie because--and DISCLAIMER, this was also my favourite plot point of the movie bc it was by far the most interesting, the biggest reason for me enjoying the movie at all, and the bit I feel like should have had WAY more attention--Newt and Hermann were like legitimately in love in this movie I swear to god I was watching it and thinking “this is GENUINELY the most blatantly gay thing I’ve ever seen in a feature film and I know that straight ppl are very talented at writing gay romances completely by accident so it’s possible that they just accidentally did it this way but also it is REALLY goddamn obvious oh my gooood?” (and then I did a lot of frantic googling and found out that I was right and Charlie Day & Burn Gorman knew what the fuck they were doing and I felt so validated lol), and yet despite this, the movie had them speak for the last time almost at the halfway point of the film and then spend the entire second half apart and not talking at all and even at the post-credits scene where Jake and Newt talked for a bit Hermann wasn't there?? not even behind Jake to give Newt any searching glances?? Nothing??

dude...Newt being possessed by the precursors is a HUGELY interesting concept that actually makes sense and I wish it had had more attention. I’ve seen a lot of ppl say that pru butchered Newt’s character and I don’t 100% agree bc like...being possessed will change you lmao so while yes I’m obviously sad that he wasn’t himself, I feel like it made sense that he had a slight personality change, because it...wasn’t him anymore. we don’t really see the Newt we all fell in love with in the first movie. we THINK we’re seeing him, but halfway through we find out we’re wrong.

my critiques with that plotline are basically that I wish the reveal had happened a little bit later on, and I wish that it had been a little more obvious I guess?? like, we definitely get hints of it (when Hermann excitedly asks Newt to help him with a dangerous unorthodox project and Newt says “dude why are you doing something so risky when we’ve already got a good plan in motion? just wait for that to be done, it’s fine” and Hermann IS us, he IS the audience when he reacts, because this is a completely insane thing for Newt to say. Newt, who, in the first movie, was so obsessed with finding knowledge that he went behind the marshall’s back to literally risk his life doing something incredibly dangerous just to see what would happen? being given the opportunity to do the same kind of dangerous frivolous act and refusing? this is blatantly out of character, and Hermann is all of us when he’s shocked, “what, you mean you...won’t help me??” which means it wasn’t bad writing on their part, it was purposefully supposed to stand out as something that was wrong and something that we needed to pay attention to. that was a really good scene to hint that something was Not Right with Newt), and I wish there had been a bunch more like it. I think the reveal should have been saved for the end of the second act; I think that should have been the moment that act 2 of a story usually has, that dreadful event that happens that leaves the main characters feeling completely hopeless and unsure what to do.

I also wish that he had managed to break through more than That One Scene, I think it would’ve been more dramatic if he’d had a few moments where he managed to take control for a second to remind us that he’s still in there and still fighting, and I’m sad they didn’t do that. I saw a fan comic that touched on this idea and I think it’s brilliant, even the idea of him suddenly getting a nosebleed and acting distracted to show that that’s the Real Him trying to fight through would have been sooooooooo good.

I also feel like it didn’t make any sense for Nate to be the one to subdue him in the end, I dont even think those two interact at all so like, why was it him?? it would have been so much more dramatic and heartbreaking if Hermann had been the one to confront him so they could’ve had a little conversation on the roof where Newt could once again break through for a second before getting taken over and then Hermann could like idk have a taser hidden behind him that he uses to subdue him and THAT wouldve been a way sadder and more interesting way to do it. I also think Hermann shouldve been the one to speak to him in the post credits scene, or to have him in the background behind Jake just watching him sadly so we can get a couple shots of intense eye contact like UGH I just wish there had been more interaction between the two of them after the reveal happened!! When the movie was over and I realized they never spoke again I felt so upset!!! they're soulmates!! they're literally in love!! this has been CONFIRMED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and segueing in from the soulmate thing, another thing that made me sad was that nobody came in pairs anymore :( aside from Newt and Hermann, they were the only ones gjdfk but in the first one every character had another character that they were paired up with, both for drifting reasons and just for plot reasons (except Chau and Tendo but I’m pretty sure there's actually significance to that too), and in the second one it just sort of felt like everyone was drifting with each other with no strong connection needed and that made it feel way less special. granted, the movie takes place ten years after the first one so in that time maybe technology advanced to the point where you didn't need a strong neural connection to drift anymore, but for the sake of the story it would have been way better if they'd kept the whole soulmates concept from the first one, it made it way stronger and more special

so yeah in conclusion I did think pru was enjoyable and I probably would watch it again some time but also it definitely pales in comparison to the first one and I’m desperately hoping we get one more so they can tie everything together and FIX THINGS KFGH it’s not too late!!!!! I wish I could write Pacific Rim 3 I genuinely think I would do a good job I love storytelling and I’m very passionate about these characters!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[mieczyhale]

mace im sorry i don't have coherent thoughts but i'm so just like,,, what was klaus this season. what was ben. the cult was pointless to klaus' character. the things that matter to klaus' character were ignored. the dave stuff was a lot of nothing. i felt like the possession thing shouldve been huge for ben and klaus' relationship but we're supposed to think klaus feeling violated is funny and inconsequential? ben going to the light was just shoved in at the end? i just---what???? who??

i’m on the same page as you, anony, especially in coherency lmfao

klaus this season was.. not totally bad, but i think most of that can be put on robert for his acting and how well he knows his own character bc the writers clearly didn’t know what was up (or maybe they did and playing him off this season as comedic relief, having him tossed to the side and mistreated, is going to play into s3 somehow. idk. i’m not writing off any possibility because overall the writers have done really really well with everything else so in my soul i feel like there has to be a reason they did what they did to him this season yknow??) for all the jokes they had him making and stuff, i think robert definitely played klaus the way we as fans know him - suffering constantly but unwilling to let anyone actually see that and if they do he’s gonna make it sound like a joke. he’s not gonna act serious because that leads to pain and he’s had more than enough of that. HOWEVER. i am genuinely so so pissed that he didn’t get to fight or really use his powers this season. and the part before ben sacrifices himself where klaus finally got up the courage to try and help, the fact that he didn’t succeed - that it wasn’t klaus who saved the day - is just... sldflksd GOD I HATE IT. oh and the scene towards the end where everyone gets shot and the one remaining swede kills the handler?? THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN KLAUS. he should have come back to life as he does, as is PART OF HIS POWERS, grabbed a gun that he knows how to use well - thank you vietnam - and he should have shot the bitch. but no. we didn’t even get that. vanya got klaus’s levitation and diego got klaus’s telekinesis and klaus got ??? a cowboy hat. which i mean looks good on him and he deserves it but it doesnt make up for *gestures at everything* and tbh even that was tainted because one of the siblings says “50$ if we leave him here” when klaus runs to grab the hat. seriously??!! SERIOUSLY??! it’s not funny, it’s just more of people not caring about klaus and thinking abandoning him is a fun joke to make ANYWAY. onto things you actually mentioned sdlkdsjf;ls i think the cult wasn’t pointless to his character necessarily, i think it did provide something, but it wasn’t used to its fullest extent. we got little things like klaus talking about it making him claustrophobic and making him feel like his skin is on fire, and his followers become something he cant escape even though he desperately wants too - it’s like having the ghosts all over again except he’s sober and these are live people who can touch him. but the show never actually out loud makes that comparison when they should have. i think it would have helped the cult thing seem less random. as for the dave thing.. i don’t think it was a lot of ‘nothing’ but again i think they could have definitely done more with it. it lets klaus see dave again, in a way, and it shows us more about both of them and the relationship they had. we learn more about dave, who he is, the kind of people he had around him and the environment he grew up in. it shows us that klaus and dave talked about all kinds of things, nothing was too mundane or unimportant. it shows us that three years after dave’s death klaus is still grieving and is still 100% in love. and it shows us that klaus isn’t always as selfish as people assume right alongside another hit to the face (oof unintentional wording) of just how much he loved dave. he wanted to save dave’s life so badly he made a fool of himself, put up with homophobia, took a hit to the face, and still kept trying to stop him from enlisting even though, per the last timeline, it would mean they’d never meet. klaus is willing to have dave never know him, is willing to handle that pain and heartbreak pretty much forever, as long as dave lives. my heart literally cannot handle it the possession thing. i haven’t stopped being angry and uncomfortable and disgusted by it since i saw it like 2 days ago now. that plot the writers really fucked up on it was a big thing for their relationship but not in any way that lead to growth or understanding or power control or ANYTHING. i love ben but i have so many fucking problems with him after watching s2 that i almost wanna take my love back tbh. the writers tried to make it seem like what ben was doing was okay - because he was angry and frustrated with klaus, because klaus wasn’t doing what he wanted, because klaus couldn’t stay sober, etc. like any of that makes possessing someone without their consent okay... or threatening to possess someone the moment their guard is down (leaving klaus paranoid and afraid to sleep).. or getting permission to possess someone and then refusing to leave (and its double garbage when diego encourages ben to continue possessing klaus. diego’s reason was gross and even if he hadnt given a reason he was still encouraging ben to not give klaus’s body back to him. which like.. im sure klaus can see and hear what’s going on. so he now is aware that his brother would rather have ben-wearing-klaus than actual klaus. the amount that would fucking hurt. a nyway) klaus never really got to talk about how it made him feel, not in any situation where anyone was listening. he never got to go off on ben for what he did, and what he was about to do, even though he had every right to. ben kind of knew how klaus felt about it but he showed very clearly that he didnt care. ben just did not fucking care about klaus this season. and it wasnt a ‘tough love’ thing like they tried to do in s1. it was just horrible and it hurt to watch. and i feel like s2 ben wouldnt have apologized to klaus even if he had been seriously confronted. we now know that klaus has this power. and we know that it can easily be abused by someone else. and i feel like that could tie into his ability to make the ghosts corporeal and such. it could definitely work as an interesting lead into exploring more of his many powers. and it could have worked as a way to bring ben and klaus closer without anyone getting hurt or violated. but.. for s2.. it wasnt used that way. it was used as a way to degrade and humiliate klaus. and they clearly wanted us to find it funny. it was one of the least funny things to happen all season. actually probably THE least funny thing. right along with nobody giving a shit when they thought klaus was having a seizure or OD-ing (both during their meeting with reginald and in the alley when they were supposed to meet up to use the briefcase five got from the handler), AND OF COURSE  nobody taking klaus seriously, paying attention to him, or caring about him (except for allison at some points) and ben finally going into the light at the end..  was kind of shoved in?? but i think what made it feel that way, for me at least, wasn’t so much the placement or timing of it but that it wasn’t really acknowledged afterwards?? it just.. happened, and we were all heartbroken, and on screen... nothing. it felt like a very sudden end to his storyline and yeah they could have done a little more to make it feel like a natural end for him thanks for the ask and sharing your thoughts on s2 with me~!! <3

[shadowturtlesstuff]

again but better thoughts while reading

@polandbananas20

 so my spelling is terrible in this but you know i was more focused on the book than how to spell. 

Chapter 1) good intro and good starting tone. The lady next to her sucks. Good small establishment of shane.

chapter2)shane characterisation is still consistent. I like her two new roommates (will be best friends) . My guess is the boy in the kitchen will be pilot. Family means but not intentional. Has no confidence. I was right about the boy

Chapter 3) intro of pilot properly. He's good. I love the inner monologue of shane. Trying to keep eye contact, the surprise of having a normal conversation. It sets her character well. Intro to her blog which i would love to actually read (i hope there's at least one entry we can read) pilot is a musician but not. Business major. What crap. 

Chapter 4) i really feel like shane, she is just typical fangirl/ dork and i love it. Its weird being english and reading about the things that shock them like pasta in bags.i understand the watermelon.we do get to read ‘shanes writing’ but its her personal jornal not her blog.

Chapter 5) fun chapter. Intro to rome. Love the idea that shane is heavy handed and violent. Short, not alot happened other than small character establishment.

Chapter 6)intro to creative writing class which i want/need in my life.more beatles. Woman on plane works at starbucks, will she make more appearances? 

Chapter 7) the drama???or at least wht will be the drama. Pilot has a gf, called amy (wish it was me) (wait no, bc i know that plot doesnt actually like amy anymore bc he obviously likes shane. So i take it back. I want to be shane, i mean i basically am like her but oh well.)

Chapter 8) parents. Overprotective, think they know best. Urgh. guarantee one of shanes new friends fight back to her parents to support her life choices, that do not include doctor.

Chapter 9)gets an internship at travel mag company. Thats it…..

Chapter 10)rome. Looses purse. Pilot to the anxiety riddled rescue by telling his own life story about his wallet to help calm her nerves.distracts her. Basially he would do anything for shane already.re count of rome trip from her jornal again which is a good touch to further the plot. This is making me want to read dan brown (ish) all of two books i own of him

Chapter 11) the postcards are a nice touch that i hope someone reads???? Travel buddies..just saying.chad..hmmm,im like shane,well see if he is good enough for babe. Her GODDAM stupdi mean cousins being mean on her facebook, and babe seeing (best friend moment) about pilot and the whole teasing about having a boyfriend.

Chapter 12) he didnt see (but i think he did but istn sayin anything) paris i shappening. Babe is bff confirmed and i want her as my friend 

Chapter 13)angry birds addiction starts. Level three, weak, shoulder touching it romance confirmed.awwww pilot 100% waited to sleep so he could see shane safe in bed

Chapter 14) pilot with a french accent, enough  said. The flirtinggggg.  The plane woman  is back??in paris with them????

Chapter 15)pilots choices of the back in time thing are both wit shane. Its so obvious and i love it. Pilot as a fake fangirl about the eiffel tower. More flirting,kind of. Oh god chad no.he did it. Goddammit.nooo he wull run babe and shanes friendship and maybe her and pilot. ‘Assbucket’ indeed. Her an pilot are fine and i really believe her and babe will be because when she nearly gets robbed babe giver her a sympathetic smile. Not much to go on but i have hope.

Chapter 16)okay so, fav chapter, she finally spills her guts that she has anxiety basically, that she is premed with strict parents and this is scary whilst pilots lies in bed with her to relax her bc he heard her crying. He only ecoureges her slightly before going back to his bed and sleeping. My heart, i swear, soon the roles reverse and pilot will say why he is in london and all that.

Chapter 17)babe and shane bffs confired. Chad is the worst confirmed. Of course it wasnt  break up call. Of course she wants to vist. Of course pilot is to cowardly to break up and just accepts them going to paris together. Of freaking course.

Chapter 18) do not get over pilot, it wont work. Rugby guy nooooo!im team pilot how dare you kiss shane! Wow, city of glass mention. I want to make a list of every bookmentioned.

Chapter 19) pilot is not himself (obviouls) shane is worried. She is still lying to her parents an feeling bad about. Rugby guy is thankfully a no go. Pilot finds out about the kiss and guy and is clearly silently jealous. 

Chapter 20)aww shane! Im sorry pilot sucks currently. And a stupid guys trip with flat four. No. and devil chairs. 

Chapter 21)1)love the book talk.  The loneliness is kicking in, pilot man up for gods sake

Chapter 22)this red-head plain weirdo is back and going through her list like some sort of mentore. Omg!!! No. amy is here, i dont hatte her but can she not. Also, her dad…. No! (this is the stand up moment i was on about, i hope)

Chapter 23) i do not like her dad. At all. Nooo shane...no. they found out. And acted like assholes.

Chapter 24) n1!ahhhh no! Amy has her notebook. The end is nigh.im going to cry i feel like shane. 

Chapter 25) the family dinner-family outing. Niether of them manuped and shane is depressed

Chapter 26)back in america. Still hasn’t told pilot but you know it is a slow burn

Chapter 27) I, wait? Marry, some guy? Like no. I know it’s been what six years but no. I refuse.i don’t like this so called Melvin. It’s okay she doesn’t want to marry him. She goes to see pilot and finally mans up and tells him and asks if she made it and and pilot finally man’s up and tells her no she didn’t. They get stuck in an elevator

Chapter 28) the elevators doing something. Shane wants to re do London cuz she hates life

Chapter 1?) they are both back in London? Both having the same what ever is happening? 

  Chapter 2) omg. Plane lady took them back to staRt over and pilots mad about it (obv)

Chapter 3)so… they got mad but started over and I’m excited. 100%they won’t press the restart button. I’m calling it now. Cuz pilot knows he now has a chance to do the what if’s/

Chapter 4) they keep there distance but we all know it won’t last

Chapter 5) tipsy Shane? Shawarma

Chapter 6) babe thinksthere is something going on with them( again)

Chapter7)the story about fake pilot, and the kiss. Ahhhhhhg

Chapter 8)they found the button. Shane doesn’t want to go back. I do t want them to go back. They don’t go back thank god

Chapter 9) da Vinci code flirting somehow.. Shane tells him it won’t happen u less he breaks up with last Amy.

 Chapter 10) he will break up with Amy and laris is gonna happen. 

Chapter 11) so Shane is happy again, pilot broke up with amy. Shane tried to make peace with the devil chair.

Chapter 11) they are so adorable. Aswwwwewhwhehruysnwjw

 Chapter 12) Uwuwnfhueia we get more Shane and pilot flirting, 

Chapter 13) the opposite game is adorable. I like that they get to be themselves together without the awkwardness. The start of the move game. Thats my fav. 

Chapter 14) they still have the angry birds obssesion but unlike me and supercard they know when to stop.the dance ‘move’ ahh i love. The line ‘but you do.’ just shows how much they know each other and how pilot would do anything to make her smile. And the lost move (not really a move but totally a move.) once again proves their love. Also we had that plot moment where he talks about why h chose to go to london. I adore shanes rant (?) about the things she loves. And then pilot doing the same thing. Shane vs chair is my life, like i battle chairs too. 

Chapter 15) what is tfios? Ooohhh. Fault in our stars. (i googled it)i probably shouldve known by the whole always part. The dance move came back to bite pilot in the ass and now they are dancing together. Ew chad. Yes shane! That is what chad deserves. 

Chapter 16) they get intimate and gigly and happy and aaaawwwhww

Chapter 17) im glad shane still rememebers to be friends with babe and not forget her in her lovestick state currently.

Chapter 18) her postcard….the questions that haunt her so much. Sort of accepting them herself too. She finally got to do wrecking ball, they miss internship , oh no…. Start if a downall?? 

Chapter 19) shane and pilot have fallen HARD

Chapter 20) the article is off the table. Amy is there. What the hell. No. omg pilot no, you moron. THEY BROKE UP!!! Which is fair, a break is needed. They both get back on track and then try and find a balance. Hopefully. Oh her laptop….shit...the feels when all your work is just gone. Tries to reset bc she is so depressed bc she thinks she failed again. 

Chapter 21) she cant go back (thankfully) a bookstore is always a good haven to go to when your breaking down.

Chapter 22)the redemtion (?) time to try and fix everything and get back on track.the determination and the readiness to try and make everything better for herswelf, herself, and no one else is good. She makes friends with the people in her office and works harder than befire, try to get herself out of her comfort zone and experience things

Chapter 23) the confrontation with her parents. Oh god. I hope this goes well. Its going as well as it can go. Im happy shane is sticking up for her dream so she can be happy, uugh the whole dad speech of ‘i do everything for you, i know best because im older,’ i hate it. Ooohh she is making up with leo, talking ot him this time. Im happy. Leo is gay. Cool. i hate how he got broken up with becuase of his stupid family, it sucks. ‘There is no normal.’ perfect words. 

Chapter 24) her thing is in the thing!!!( also good job me with words.) her article got published (there we go)this is where she learns she can be with pilot and be successful because tracy is with a famous author and they make it work with harder schedules. Trys to talk to her parents. This time she will make there relationship work.

Chapter 25)urgh ‘you live under my roof,on my dime…’ blah blah blah. We hate controlling parents that dont see that overprotecting and controlling their childs life does more damage than good. Babe suggest self discovery trip. Babe is a grat friends. 

Chapter 26)the button thing will work…’im mad at pilot. Or am i mad at me.’ she cracked the code. She loathed herself because of her fear of failing, but because this time she worked on herself to make herself happy she no longer hates herself. Yet she still feels the same (ish) feeling that even though she worked harder and got further that she has no summer job when she gets back to the states, her parents still wont allow her choice of work.PILOTS BACK!!!!!!! She was about to press the button and he swooped in with his music.

Chapter 27) he still follows her blog and got help from babe. His speech, finished with lamppost. Where can i get a pilot?he uploaded their song. Working through the divorce thing again but it will be better because he has shane to talk to about it. Ahhh she got a job!!! Happy ending!!! My heart!!!eeeee…

epilogoue) she becomes a successful author. Her parents have accepted her and support her. Pilots a musician. He takes her to the weird plane lady and they gobe the locket back, then he makes the ultimate move. With pictures of where they fell in love he uses the beatles russain doll things to hide a ring and when she finds it she obviously says yes. And that its unfair cuz she cant top that move. 

sooo...thats it.

i really enjoyed this book. i cannot wait for her next book. this post is longwinded i apologize but oh well? again i will link my website and review as soon as its done. so far in about five hours all i have is a paragraph so it may not be as soon as i want it to be

[hollands-poppet]

WISE GUY PT 6 LAST PART/ MOB! TOM HOLLAND X READER

Summary: you’re studying abroad with school when you suddenly find yourself at the hands of one of London’s most powerful mobsters.

Word count: 2.5K 💛

Warnings: SLIGHT FLUFF, ANGST, BLOOD, VOILENCE, DEATH..

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Epilogue 

-

-

I hug Tom hard, my arms around his neck. I kiss under his ear, and kiss his cheek til my lips reach his lips.

I let this kiss last, I had this weird feeling inside. I really took in his smell of his cologne, his grip and his beautiful smile. I pulled away and tap his nose, “I’ll see you soon,” and as he holds me by the waist, he responds, “I’ll be with you in no time, poppet.”

And with that I walked with Tom to the entrance of his mansion, Alex and Haz finished having their moment. We don’t want to leave our men but we knew we would all be reunited soon, and in LA it was going to be great.

I was going to show Tom around my city, and we were gonna be happy. We were going to go to the beach, go to Hollywood, see shows, and just be together. We would stay in LA for two weeks, come back to London and start building our life together. We would get another dog so that Tessa would always have company. 

Tom would propose to me in a year, our wedding would almost be as extravagant as the royal wedding. In exchange for my heart, Tom would give me his heart, and the world. We would have kids, make Alex the godmother of one of them and we would name one of them Cesar in his honor.

I was excited for what was going to become of my life, had I only known what was to come next... maybe I should’ve held my breath a bit longer.

I hold Tom’s hand lightly as I start to take one step down the stairs, I turn back “Promise you’ll make it back to me.” He holds on until he can’t hold on to my hand anymore, “I promise [Y/N], I love you.”

I smile, I feel my heart beating faster and slower at the same time, “I love you too, Tom.” Alex tugs my shoulder, “Come on we’re gonna miss our flight. Bye Haz, Love you!”

I look back at Harrison who makes a face, I feel like this is the first time he hears Alex say this. He responds with an I love you too. We both get into Harry’s car, I roll down my window and keep contact with Tom.

Tessa appears next to Tom and starts barking wildly. Tom breaks his contact to shush Tessa and that’s when I become unsettled.

-

-

I’m sitting in the front sit with Harry when I notice it. I notice a call coming from a name that I knew was dangerous.

I want to call Tom on my burner phone that he bought but I knew something was going to go down. I had to get Alex and I out of this. Now I know who was relaying information to the person who killed Cesar, to the people who were hunting Alex and I down.

I let Harry take the call, he answers with a couple yes and no, and that he would see them soon. He puts the phone down and that’s when I ask, “How long have you been doing this?”

He tries to play off the question, “I don’t know what you’re talking about [Y/N],” he says as I make eye contact with Alex in the rear view mirror.

“Don’t act dumb,” I start reaching for my burner phone slowly when he pulls his gun out at my temple. He starts to laugh at me, “Don’t fucking move. I don’t owe you shit.” Alex starts to yell, she’s probably so confused and scared shitless.

Harry yells, “SHUT UP.” And that really does quiet Alex in a heart beat, and I press my lips together. Fuck that. I’m not scared anymore, “Why would you do this to your own blood?” I’m disappointed in him, I couldn’t believe his own family would do this.

He keeps his gun at my temple while he drives with his right hand, “Tom was always greedy with the power. It’s my turn now.” I begin to shed tears, I’m hoping I can get out of this one. It’s all happening so fast. 

And with that, Harry knocks me out by banging his gun against my head.

-

-

I wake up to a thumping headache, my vision is slightly blurry. I feel liquid pulling down my eyelids, I keep blinking til my eyes are able to clear what’s in front of me.

I see slight red liquid on my eyelash, whatever is running down my face has to be blood. I feel my arms sore and my wrist are on fire. I look up to see my hands are tied and the rope is tied to the ceiling. I’m barely on my tiptoes, I look in front of me and see Harry and a blonde woman.

The blonde from the photo. Germanotta’s daughter. She’s taking photos of me, I look down to see cuts and bruises forming on my body. I’m only in my undergarments. I let out a slight moan of pain, “What do you guys want?” The blonde walks up to me and puts a knife under my chin, “I want Tom’s power.”

I look up from the ground into the blonde’s eyes, “Then what do you want with me?” She smiles devilishly, “You’re the only thing that’s going to bring him down here.” She pulls out her phone, and FaceTimes Tom, the ring takes a moment until Tom answers.

Before she can speak, I yell “TOM DONT LISTEN TO HER, DONT COME HERE!” She slaps me across the face and tells me to shut the fuck up. My head is down, she slapped the life out of me.

I bring up my head as much as I can, and watch as she reveals herself on the phone, I hear Tom say her name, “GREY! HARRY! YOU FUCKERS.” Harry laughs at the phone and takes it from Grey, “Shouldve known I was working on the inside big bro,” He walks towards me and grabs me by my chin, “Look what I have here.”

He has the phone camera pointed at me, Tom can see me but I can’t see him. “I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU TOUCH HER-“ He let’s go of my chin forcefully and replies “What Tom? What you gonna do?” I’m losing life, I can feel it.

“JUST LET HER GO. I’LL GIVE YOU WHAT YOU WHATEVER YOU WANT.”

Grey takes the phone and laughs, “I want your power Tom, I want the power my father left to you instead of me.” I’m watching through the bloody hair in my face, I see while Grey is taunting Tom, Harry approaches me.

I make up enough strength to look ask him, “Where’s Alex?” He looks at his nail buds and then me, he takes a step closer and whispers “We took care of her, don’t worry.” And that was enough to spark enough energy, and I kick Harry straight in the balls.

Whether Alex was dead or alive, they’ve done something to her and I can’t do anything about it. I’m bleeding so much, I can only imagine the torture they’ve done to me when they knocked me out. This was a mess, I hear Grey laugh as she tells Tom what I did to Harry.

Tom ignores her and keeps pleading for my life, “Kill me, Grey. Leave her alone.”

I yell to Tom, “TOM DONT, DONT COME. SAVE YOURSELF.” And before I can hear a response, Grey hangs up on before I can hear him respond.

She taunts me, “Aw, poor baby,” she walks towards me and pushes my head up, “How sweet, wanting to sacrifice herself for the love of her life.” I frown st her, I can’t do anything other than just take her shit. She grabs my chin and pulls me into her close, I try to move my face but she brings it back to hers.

“If he’s smart, he’ll come alone.” I let out a light laugh, “He probably won’t.”

I spit in her face and she immediately socks me. I had a feeling I was going to die.I’m not mad at it though, I would rather Tom live than me. I would rather him kick the shit out of his brother and take Grey down than me. I couldn’t live without Tom, he was tougher than me. He could carry on stronger than I ever could. He was raised to deal with these situations.

I start to remember the conversation I had with Tom in his office, and how he would never leave this lifestyle. Tom knows it better than I do, and he can survive better than I can. He was born to be London’s most powerful mobster.

Harry stands up from the floor, “You little shit-” he raises his hand as if he were going to slap me but he’s stopped by Grey, “She’s had enough.” They both start to walk away, “She’ll be dead in no time.” That is the last thing I hear before they leave me hanging there in the dark room.

I have no idea where I am to be honest. I’m in a black room, with one light hanging above me. I hear drop after drop, as the puddle below me is growing. I’m in and out of it, I don’t know how long I’ve been here. I’m in pain though, my arms hurt and my tip toes are burning from trying to keep my arms at a comfortable position.

That’s when I hear it, I hear guns shoot consistently. The sounds getting closer as I hope to see Tom walk through those front doors. He’s gonna come in, he’s gonna give me good news that he killed Grey, that he took care of Harry and they found Alex. That was what I’m hoping for.

The guns are right by the door that lies ahead of me, I hear one last gunshot right by the door when I see the doorknob turn.

It’s Harrison. I mean still somewhat good news.

He stays at the door and puts his index finger to his lips, signaling me to keep quiet. I didn’t even have enough energy to scream, he comes up to me and starts untying me. “You’re okay, [Y/N]. We’re gonna get you out of here.”

Once he unites me I immediately fall into his arms, I don’t even hug him because I can’t. My arms are aching from being up for so long, I can’t stand because feet hurt from being on my toes. I manage to let out a something so quiet he barely hears me, “Haz.. find Alex please..”

His eyes widen, he must’ve been looking for her while looking for me. I feel terrible, he was probably hoping to see Alex instead of me just like how I was hoping to see Tom instead of him. He sits me on the floor, and I tell him to go look for Alex, he tells me that he can’t. That he needs to protect me.

I’m in my own puddle of blood while Harrison is trying to get me together, I let out a slight cough, “Haz, I’m already dying...just go. Tom will understand.” And with that Haz gives me the biggest hug, his whole suit is bloodied up. I tell him I love him while he runs out of the room.

I sit on the floor and bring myself to my knees. I don’t have a lot of strength and I fall forward, I land on my forearms, I have no strength at this point.

As I stay in this dog position, I hear more gunshots. I hear running towards my room, this is it. Tom was gonna save me. I hear feet scramble towards me, and instead of an embrace I am pulled up roughly by my hair.

It’s Grey. She gets me in a choke hold position, and puts her gun to my temple. In a matter of seconds, I see Tom at the door. He is pointing his gun in our direction. He is horrified by what he sees. His queen now in this horrible compromising situation.

While I stare at Tom, I just go through all our old memories together. The first day I met him, the first time we interacted, how careless and how happy I was to be with him. I’m not mad at him. This isn’t his fault, I should’ve never brought up leaving to LA. This is how I knew that I loved him with all I had.

His gun is shaking, “Let [Y/N] go..now..” he starts putting his gun down slowly, “Take me, Grey. Please just stop hurting her.”

I let out a sigh, “ Tom...I’m begging you don’t give in,” I’m holding onto Grey’s forearm, I’m concentrating on this moment, this was the last time I was ever going to talk to Tom, stranger turned best friend. The man who called me a whore but was still able to swipe me off my feet. Ironic but it was true. I wanted to apologize, I wanted to give him one last hug.

Whether Tom gave in or not, I was going to die anyway. I had to make sure he lived, “Tom.. don’t be dumb..” he stops lowering his gun.

Grey laughs, “You should listen to your “poppet”, she’s smart unlike you.” She pushes the gun harder against my temple.

I spit out blood that’s salivating in my mouth, “You know she’s still gonna kill me after she’s done with you.” Her choke hold is getting tighter, I feel my oxygen slowly being cut off, “I love you Tom.” I don’t speak anymore, I can’t. I can’t even hold myself up right anymore.

Tom holds his gun right up, while Grey is enjoying every single moment of this.

She yells at him, “I’ve been working towards this moment for the past 4 years!”

Tom scoffs, “You haven’t won yet, don’t get too excited.” Harrison and a few other guards appear at the door, and all hold up their guns at Grey. I could see slightly through my blurry vision, there are about six of them including Tom with their guns drawn at her.  

She seems defeated, I can’t tell. Her chokehold is only getting lighter, my oxygen is coming back. “Your men don’t scare me Holland, at least I’ll be able to take something away from you just like you took my family’s power.” Grey pulls the trigger.

The last thing I hear is Tom’s voice yelling “NOOOO!” My hair is pulled back by Grey, I look at Tom and memorize his face as fast I…

-

-

OMGGGGG guys, I swear writing this series has been so amazing. I loved every moment of it. I hope you guys don’t hate me for this ending. If I get enough feedback that requests an epilogue I’ll write one. I tried to portray this story as accurately as I could to what would really happen to someone that gets in involved with the mob. Love y’all, hope to hear for some feedback.! -Amy 💛

Taglist: @highladyjel @bubbles1642 @princesssparklesxo @ladybirduris@arctltaylor@its-justmaya @onceitoowasinnocent @stargirlish2@philophobiamaniac@nightfallparker @sarah-moss2015 @yourwonderbelle@chennyetomlinson@omalleysreads @angry-kylo @rileywinchester09@queenofhawkins@imjakeharrison @completefictionaltrash @hollandsglamour@hollandsmuse @abbytheninja @justmesadgirl​

[osakishinya]

My Experience At Monsta X Concert

@last-dance-anywhere-but-here id like for you to read my experience bc i need to express my feelings i cant hold in my heart ^^

I was so nervous when i got to the theatre.  My brother who went with me was trying to calm me down lol.  I knew that we had tickets to go meet and high five them but I was scared that I was going to make the same mistake again and not get to meet them. *** Short Story last year: I bought tickets last year thinking that it was where the high touch area was at.  But dumb me didnt check the seating chart correct and ended up at the very back of the theatre, meaning that i didnt get VIP seats and so no high touch.  I was very upset. *** When I went to the front desk to ask them I was sssooo anxious and nervous.  I didnt want to feel the same disappointment as i did last year when they told me that i didnt get the right tickets to meet them.  As I waited anxiously for their reply, my heart almost stopped right then and there when the lady said, "So you are in the VIP section so you do get to join in the high touch."

Was I finally going to meet them in person?? ��Is this a dream??  Dont tell me wrong plz!  Am I really going to meet Monsta X?  The group that stole my heart?? The same group that always has me on my toes?? The very same group that taught me how to smile, how to laugh and how to love again??  My heart adn my brain can barely process it all. Standing in line for 3 hrs wasnt too bad....but why did it feel like forever??  Maybe bc I was too excited and anxious to see them.  As I looked at the lanyard around my neck that said "VIP" I smiled and felt some weight lifted off my shoulders.  I did it right this time around.  I was finally going to see them face to face.  I told my brother I wasnt going to cry this time bc i already kind of saw them already. (even tho the tickets i bought last year was all the way in the back!!)

*Fast Foreword* When we finally got to our seats, I was ssssoooo happy where we were seating. They were perfect!  Right in the middle on the second row.  My hands were shaking so bad bc i was so excited.  Maybe too exited that I started literally hypevenilating.  I was finally going to see them perform live at this close of a distance! 

You know, ive always watched them from a distance.  always watching their music videos and their live stages on youtube or on TV.  I've always wondered if i would ever meet them in person.  I told my mom at one point that if i meet them in person at least once in my life, my life will finally be complete.  Why you ask??  They're just some boy group.  No, they're not just any boy group.  They're my happiness that I thought I gave up on.  They helped me pick up the broken pieces of my heart that was shattered.  They mean the world to me.  

As soon as the music started and they rose from the stage, I swear time froze right there.  Am I really seeing this??  Where they really in front of me?? Is this a dream?? Without realizing it, my vision was starting to get blurry.  Am I really crying??  AGAIN?? I thought to myself, that I have to hold it in bc i didnt want to meet them with swollen red eyes, plus ruin my makeup i nthe process!  Damn I knew I shouldve wore waterproof eyeliner! lol  As they performed, all i could think was, wow.....they are real people living in the same time frame as me.  And I finally get to watch them perform my favorite songs ive been listening to forever. Seeing Wonho just a few feet away from me was like a dream.  His smile, his laugh, his silliness, all real.  He's the very reason I can love again.  His love for his fans, his love for his members, his love for music.  That's the reason I can feel love again.  Overall, they were all amazing!!  They exceedingly performed very well!!  It was the best performance yet!! As the stage was coming to and end, I felt like time went by too fast.  I didnt want it to end.  Ending it felt like the ending of our time together.  The ending of my dream.  Am I about to cry again??  Stop!!  When it did end, we waited until it was time to go backstage to finally meet them.  And oh man was my heart about to burst out of my body!

We went and stood in a single file line to go meet them.  As the line was getting shorter and closer to them my breathing starting shortening.  I couldnt breathe at all!!  I turned to my brother to help me control my breathing. Im really going to meet them!  Can I really do this without screwing anything up?  Or fainting in front of them?? Im so nervous!!   When it was finally my turn, Hyungwon was the first I saw.  As I walked towards him and touched his hands, time literally froze right there when our eyes met.  He was sssoooo ethereal that I swear there was light shining behind him at how handsome, how beautiful, how elegant he looked.  He gave me the sweetest smile and said, "Nice to meet you, thank you!"  My heart stopped right there.  At that point I realized something.....no way, I think Im in love again. (im sorry Wonho!)

Though i wanted to stay longer with hyungwon, of course I had to move on. And so next was jooheon, he was sssooo super cute and adorable!! I finally got to see those cute dimples in person!  Thought I wanted to touch his cheeks so bad I had to continue to move on!  I.m was very handsome!!  I mean he looked really good!! 3 years difference is ok right??  Im not that old! lol Kihyun was definately the highlight of my life.  Not only cute but handsome and very friendly!  I could tell he really loves his fans.  His interactions with me and his fans was wonderful!

Then finally, next was my Won & Only.  Wonho.  The man I fell in love with.  The reason for my life to be brighter again.  The reason I can love again.  As I touched his soft hands that felt like silk, I wanted to say something to him but I froze right there.  Stupid me couldnt say anything!!  I have so many things i wanted to say to him but there was just too little time.  And so I quickly whispered a "I love you" to him.  I think he didnt hear me bc i said it too quiet as he just smiled and nodded.  Even though there are language barriers and even though he might've not heard or understand the words that came from my lips, the point is......i got to tell the man of my dreams that i love him.  And Im content with that.

Shownu was next and i gotta say....he was FINE as HELL!!  damn like when he performed on stage, i knew he was a really good at dancing but seeing him live made me realize that he really got some MOVES.  He is just ssooo sexy and such a manly man!  Now i understnd why fans call him a bear, a cute, cuddly, and manly bear that i wanna squeeze!  Last but not least was Minhyuk.  He was sssooo super adorable and his cute smile just made him even more adorable!!  He made me feel so squishy and fluffy inside!!  Omgsh i really just wanted to hug him so bad bc of how cute he was!

Without realizing it, my night was coming to an end.  It felt so fast, too fast as i was leaving the building.  Even though I saw them for just those few seconds, it wasnt enough. I didnt want to turn and look at the building bc i knew that if i did, i might run back in just to see them one more time.  I wanna tell every single one of them that I love them all.   So we headed back to the hotel, when i got to the hotel i walked towards the window and looked at the theatre from below. (we were at the very top floor BTW!).  The sky was dark and the stars were already shining despite some clouds still roaming around bc it was going to rain.  I reached up and touched the cold glass with my hands as I looked out the window.  I sighed a breath and said aloud, "Im going to miss all of you....."

It was finally the next day to go home.  As we packed our things in the car and started driving, I turned and watched the theatre disappear from a distance.  Then the overflowing tears that Ive been holding this whole time came down like a waterfall.  I couldnt stop myself.  Even though i know its not the last time im going to see them but why does it feel like it is??  What is this pain i am feeling in my chest??  Why cant i stop the tears from flowing??  I dont like this feeling of pain at all.  It really feels like a long distance relationship that's coming to an end.  Why am I crying so much?  I miss them that much even though it was just a short meeting??  Or Is it because im finally going back to my reality and I dont want to wake up from this euphoria?  Maybe this is what missing someone really feels like.   Maybe this is what love really feels like.  With the short about of time of meeting them, it feels like you've known them your whole life.  All i know was that, no words can describe what i just experienced.  My love for them will continue on forever.  I dont know if ill ever grow out from this, but right now just let me enjoy this moment just a little bit longer.  Thank you Monsta X for everything.  I love you.

[koreanboyswriting]

In Translation Pt. 6

In Translation Series: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 

Words: 8.4k

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Fluff/Smut

Warnings: SEVERE FLUFF! Prep your heart.

Jungkook and you have a fun first day in America.

The rest of the flight was uneventful. You woke sporadically throughout the flight, every jostle shaking you out of your slumber. You kept pausing for moments though after this would happen to examine Jungkook. Every time you saw him sleeping you would be reminded of how young he really was. His face was soft and puffy, his skin idol flawless, his big eyes fluttering around as he dreamed. He was such a sound sleeper, the plane would jostle heavily, and he wouldn’t move at all. He must have been tired all the time, constant practice and performances and interviews and recording music, it all made your head spin.

After being jostled awake for the fourth time you gave up on sleep. You pulled Jungkook’s earbud from your ear, the music had long since had stopped playing, and you set yourself up on your laptop, typing quickly before your thoughts floated away. It was a couple hours later, and ten pages down, when Jungkook started to rustle. He twisted to each side in his reclined chair, pulling his blanket up to his chin, before he sighed, and his eyes fluttered open. They opened to slits, and he looked around his face in a frown until he recognized where he was and flopped back into his seat, turning to the side and smiling at you. You looked away from your computer and smiled down at him, blushing. He sighed in contentment and threw his arm out, resting it on your thigh, you looked around hurriedly, but all the members were still fast asleep, sleep masks pulled over their eyes, and blankets pulled up as high as possible. You looked back to him fondly as he closed his eyes again, moving over as far as he could to you, that his seat would allow him. You placed your hand against his velvet cheek, smoothing your finger back and forth. He opened his eyes again, and you leaned down and pressed a kiss to his forehead, as if you were a couple who had been together forever, greeting each other when you woke.

“I don’t think I could ever get tired of you.” Jungkook whispered, his voice cracking from not being used.

You blushed a darker shade than you thought possible, giving your answer more physically than you ever could verbally.

Jungkook glanced over and saw your open laptop the cursing blinking mid-word. “What are you writing?” He cleared his throat and sat up, pushing the button to un-recline his chair.

“Oh, nothing, just random thoughts, I do this a lot.”

“Oh? Are they about me?” He winked at you, looking at you sensually through his eyes.

You rolled your eyes heavily, and shook your head, “You wish.” You turned back to your computer at his crestfallen face and whispered, “No, there’s a different folder for that.”

Jungkook jumped and straightened his posture completely, “Really? Can I see it?”

You turned to him and laughed, seeing the eagerness on his face, “It’s in English, you wouldn’t understand it.”

“I would learn English right now, just to understand it.”

You started laughing hard, covering your mouth to muffle it, “Ok, pretty boy. That might take a while, why don’t we just focus on getting you to just speak English phrases, okay?”

Jungkook slouched back into his chair, looking at you with discontent in his eyes.

“Oh, stop pouting.” You laughed again, going back to typing on your computer. You got in a few more sentences, before Jungkook started to mess with you.

He snaked his hand around to your lower back, tracing lines up and down your spine, leaving chills in his wake, even though your thick sweater separated his skin from yours. You pretended like he was having no effect over you whatsoever and continued to type away on your computer, even though you had to keep going back to correct your jumbled words. Then, his hand was sliding up your back to your neck, where he started massaging out your kinks with his strong his hands, it felt amazing, but you weren’t giving him the satisfaction of turning around so you continued typing your words, which were not even making sense anymore. Then his other hand joined the first, his body leaning against your left side, you could feel his strong chest through his shirt, and you sucked in a breath, keeping your face still as you exhaled through your nose. You thought you were going to combust when he started pressing kisses into the crook of your neck, his soft lips peppering them up onto your face, as you resolutely looked at your computer, he started moving up the side of your cheek to your forehead, and then he started pressing his lips onto your eyelid and you couldn’t take it anymore. You burst out laughing and he chuckled along too, taking advantage of you finally looking away from your computer to press his lips against yours. You smiled into the kiss and he slid his arms around you, closing the distance between you two, as he combed his fingers through your hair, his other hand caressing the side of your face. It started turning from a smoking fire into a smoldering one, the flames licking up your body, burning both of you deeply. You slid your hands into his hair, clutching on tight, and Jungkook slid his down your body, slipping them just underneath your sweater to grip onto your waist and pull you closer. You teased open his mouth with your tongue and you started to explore him, a delicate dance between the two of you, each of you giving and receiving. Jungkook’s hands started sliding up your body, his hands growing feverish as he gripped at your body, you swept your hands quickly down to his chest grabbing fistfuls of his shirt, when you realized that you were still on a plane with eight other people around you. You broke the kiss leaning your forehead against his, releasing your hands from his shirt, as you both panted heavily.

“We were—,” he breathed out.

“Yeah, we were.”

“Probably need to take a break.”

“Yeah, totally.”

You both panted for a little before breaking out of each other’s embrace and relaxing into your chairs.

You didn’t touch each other for the rest of the flight, afraid you’d each get too heated as before. But being physical didn’t even matter, you felt close to Jungkook by just listening to him talk freely. You felt almost privileged to listen to him as he poured his heart out to you, sharing all his personal thoughts and childhood memories in his soft tenor. He spoke slowly, always taking the time to express his thoughts with care, after a little while you found that most of cherished stories had always centered around people, his parents, or close friends that he spoke about with upmost adoration. You felt like you were touching his heart with how he shared all of it, he presented everything exactly to you. His eyes always latched onto yours unless he was looking up at the ceiling of the plane searching for the correct word, he spoke with his arms outstretched, talking animatedly, his eyes gleaming and sparkling every time he mentioned one of his hyungs. When he finished talking he looked at you expectantly waiting for you to fill in the blanks of your life. You frequently laughed at his attention, as he sat there, his eyes focused on you like lasers. His hands playing with the hem of his jeans as he sat cross-legged in his chair. Before you knew it, you were spilling your deepest secrets because of your attentive audience, you paused though when you got to why you left the U.S, glossing over the name James, and quickly made up how you were contacted by the translating agency you work for. Jungkook looked confused by your sudden change in tone but didn’t press as he watched you glance out the window, hurt in your eyes.

You guys had both fallen asleep again when the pilot’s voice came popping over the intercom, instructing you to fasten your seatbelts for landing. You quickly sat up fastening your seatbelt and reaching over Jungkook to do his, as he glanced around groggily like a lost pup. When you looked up from the buckle you found Namjoon’s eyes on you, you blushed scarlet, and tried to run through explanations in your mind, when Namjoon just winked at you and turned away. Jungkook smiled at you as you turned and stared adamantly at the seat in front of you, suddenly feeling like you were caught doing something you weren’t supposed to, even though all you did was buckle a damn seatbelt. You were snapped out of your reverie by Jungkook lightly stroking your thigh with his hand under the pretense that he was leaning down to tie his shoe, you felt more relaxed than you should’ve after his little touch, but nevertheless your brain slowed down from its internal marathon.

The plane came to a shuddering stop ten minutes later, as you sat in your seat, trying to rail in your nerves, while stretching your jaw at weird angles to pop your ears. Sejin stood from his seat and just nodded at the boys, silently communicating to them something that they had seemed to already know. They all stood in unison, grabbing their designer bags and following each other off the plane, Jungkook brushing your hand as he joined their procession, you following slightly behind with Deok-su, ever menacing, his permanent frown in place. Flashing lights greeted you as soon as you stepped into the airport, by the times your eyes adjusted you realized that your ears were ringing because of the screams that echoed through the high glass ceilings of the airport. You were compressed into the backs of the boys as airport security staff descended from thin air to surround you, looking gruffer than Deok-su and all wearing bright yellow vests, you were all shuffled at break neck speed towards the escalators, the entirety of it cleared for the rock stars you accompanied. They all looked ecstatic, their faces suddenly looked so young as they pulled down their face masks, waving and smiling brightly at the fans that seemed to be everywhere at once. As soon as you were off, the staff descended again, and you were carted through the airport, shoved inside a van before you knew it. You blinked your eyes rapidly, looking around like a dear caught in headlights as the boys all laughed, their eyes bright and faces fresh as if they had just got off a rollercoaster and wanted to go again.

“Wow, I don’t know how you guys do that all the time!”

“Ha! You get used to it, it’s like a rush.” Yoongi looked back at you, his smile stretched wide across his face.

“I can’t believe there was so many people there!” Tae exclaimed, his eyes wide.

“Hell, I’m not surprised, my brother talked about you guys all the time, I knew he couldn’t be the only one.” Jin laughed loudly, hunching over, clutching his stomach, the rest of the boys joining in at his high-pitched squeal. You shook your head back and forth at the children in front of you. Then the trunk was suddenly slammed closed your suitcases all piled in, and you were off, speeding onto the freeway, only this time when you looked in the rearview mirror, your eyes weren’t met by the soft gaze you were used to, and you suddenly felt like you left something behind.

You flopped onto your bed, the silence deafening against your ringing ears. You sighed deeply, throwing your arm over your face, already feeling tired from the chaos at the airport. You were just about to get up and strip out of your clothes and put on sweats that didn’t smell like little kids and crisp business suits, when the boys came banging into your room, the adjoining door seeming more like an entrance than a divider. Jimin, Tae, and Jungkook came bouncing into the room flopping onto your bed, Jungkook basically covering your entire body with his. Then followed Namjoon and Hoseok, both throwing themselves onto the vacant queen bed next to yours, Jin, and Yoongi coming in last and leaning against the wall looking around at their members as if they were all a bunch of unruly children. Jungkook was pretending that he had no control over his body and was using all of his weight to bury you under him, his arms and legs starfish-ed out over your body. They all laughed at you as you struggled to remove your torso from underneath him, your laughs mixing in with your short breaths as you wiggled your body around at different angles, finally giving up when your chest was just beyond his arm, huffing loudly. Jimin was laughing the hardest repeatedly smacking Jungkook's arm as he wheezed.

"You guys know there's a door there for a reason, right?"

"Yeah, so that we can come in and bother you!" Tae chuckled the others joining in.

"Um, no. It's because I compromised to this. C'mon guys aren’t you tired of me? I need a certain level of privacy." You gave them all your best pouty face, Jungkook finally relenting, at your pursed lips, as he rolled off your body and on to Jimin, your lungs finally able to expand at full capacity again.

"I'm actually not tired of you yet, plus we have to spend our free time in this hotel room, we need entertainment," Hoseok whined.

"You guys aren’t allowed to leave?" You asked, your eyes wide with shock.

"WE, aren't allowed to leave," Namjoon emphasized, twirling his finger around in circle to encompass you as well.

"Well, that's lame, how are you guys going to come to America, and then not even experience it?"

"Well, we'll get to adventure a little bit the rest of the week, but this is essentially work, and we're not allowed to leave on our own." Jin shrugged his shoulders after he said this, his posture showing defeat, as this seemed to be a fact they had accepted a long time ago.

"Well, I'm determined to make this fun then," you pushed yourself off the bed and wandered around your rooms.

The boys' rooms were all a series of adjacent rooms connected by doors like the one into yours, it was almost like you were walking a long hallway in between them all, when you found the lounge area that was a part of Namjoon and Jin's room. You found some office supplies and tore small pieces of paper from one sheet and put everyone's names on the slips paper and walked back to your room where the boys still sat looking at you with confusion on their faces. You walked into your closet, unzipped your suitcase, and snatched one of your beanies out of the bag kicking the closet door closed with your foot. You threw the tiny slips of paper into the hat and stood in front of them, next to Yoongi and Jin who were still leaning on the wall.

"Ok. So, I have an idea, let's play hide and seek." The boys all looked at you with expressions, like, “is she really serious?”

You raised up your finger, signaling them to pause before passing judgement. "But, with a twist, we'll be playing in teams! And whoever wins I'll sneak out and go get you whatever food you want." You smirked at them after adding this, and they all immediately got competitive gleams in their eyes. You laughed and held up a finger again as they all started moving around trying to communicate with each other about whose team they wanted to be on.

"I'm going to pull two names out of the hat, and they'll be team captains and they'll choose the rest of their team from the hat, okay?"

Jungkook and Tae nodded eagerly, as Jin and Yoongi moved from the wall and joined Namjoon and Hoseok on the bed, laughter already bubbling to the surface.

You reached into the hat and pulled out two slips of paper, bouncing your eyebrows quickly, at the boys' serious faces, causing a few of them to laugh and the others to roll their eyes. You took an extra long time opening the slips of paper, going really slowly until Tae yelled at you to hurry up, making you jump at the sudden outburst. You laughed as you picked up the dropped slips from the floor and unfolded them to find the oldest and the youngest names on the papers, you called out Jin and Jungkook, the rivalry already beginning. Jin being goofy, mimicking that he had his eyes on Jungkook signaling with his two fingers back and forth from his eyes, before picking out a name first. Jimin jumped up excited as soon as Jin called out his name, bouncing over to his side looking all smug. You chuckled and walked over to Jungkook, who lightly brushed your hand as he slid into the hat to grab a slip, causing shivers to dance up and down your spine. He called out Tae's name and he slid from the bed, flicking the underside of Jungkook's chin, and crossing his arms, already staring down Jin and Jimin. You walked back over to Jin and he plucked Hoseok's name from the hat, followed by Jungkook picking Yoongi, Jin picking you, finally leaving Namjoon to join Jungkook's team.

"Ok. So, Jin and Jungkook, you guys play rock, paper, scissors; whoever loses has to hide first. I guess whoever takes the longest to find everyone will lose, so you want to find everyone on the other team the fastest."

The boys all nodded, Jin and Jungkook moving closer together, glaring each other up and down as they raised their hands and chanted out the melody, both of them screaming as they threw out the same hand signs, until finally after the fourth try Jungkook won to excited cheers from Namjoon, Tae and Yoongi.

"Ok we get a hundred seconds to hide, and then you come find us, no cheating!"

You ran with Jimin, Jin, and Hoseok out of the room, you guys bumping into each other, as you ran around trying to find places to hide while trying to muffle your giggles. You signed to them to spread out and they nodded, you and Hoseok running the farthest all the way to the last two bedrooms before high fiving and splitting up to hide. You crawled half-way under the bed but then realized it would be hard to move around once you were caught so you crawled back out, now looking around the room in panic as you could hear Jungkook counting out seventy-eight. You ran towards the closet, pushing aside the hung clothes and ducking behind them covering up your legs and feet with the suitcase which was pushed against the wall. You held your breath as you heard Jungkook call out a hundred. You sat there and cursed yourself for literally having the least creative hiding spot ever but resigned yourself to the fact that you would be going out and getting the food anyway, so it didn't really matter.

You held your breath and stood straight as a board your back pushed against the wall, as you tried to make yourself small. Your whole-body was tense as you heard the boys laughing and bouncing around the rooms. It was five minutes before one of them got to the room you were in. You perked up your ears, trying to listen for any signal that would tell you who was poking around the room. You could hear the rustle as they got down onto their knees to look under the bed, the blankets rustling as they pulled them up to look around better. You exhaled a bit of air from your nose, trying to keep your breathing quiet as possible, as the unknown detective moved about the room.

Suddenly, he was checking the doors in the room, you heard him open up the door to the bathroom right next to the closet, doors opening and closing in there as he made noise all around the bathroom. Then the door was clicking closed and he opened the French doors to the closet, you tried to sink your body into the wall, your eyes screwed shut. You could feel the fabric of the suitcase scratch your legs as it was moved out of the way your legs and socked feet now exposed, the doors were swiftly clicked closed, the light that was pressing against your closed eyelids now gone, you opened your eyes blinking them quickly to adjust against the darkness, as the clothes on hangers were shoved to the side, leaving a pleased looking Jungkook standing in front of you. You didn’t have time to react as he smashed his lips against yours, roving his hands down your body till he was cupping your ass, squeezing it sensually in his strong hands. You moaned into the kiss, throwing your arms around his neck, moving your body against his own. It seemed as though you had no self-control for the man you were wrapped around. Anytime he so much as looked in your direction your heart was floating, and whenever he slightly touched you, you were quivering, his touch scorching your skin, leaving you an inferno of agitation, pleading for release. Jungkook lifted you up by your ass, pushing himself into you harder, your spine smarting against the stiff wall as you wrapped your legs around Jungkook. You couldn’t seem to get close enough, your bodies were pressed against each other so tight, but it wasn’t enough. You wanted his skin on yours, you wanted to touch every part of him, just to make sure that he was real, the heat between you, dizzying you into a dream. Your hands scratched at his back his black t-shirt bunched in your hands, as your kisses became hungrier and messier, neither of you caring about where you were just lost in each other. You tugged lightly on Jungkook’s lip, biting down just hard enough to be slightly painful, he grunted in response, grinding his erection against your crotch, his jeans rubbing harshly against your entrance, you arched your back, your neck exposed as you bit down on your lip, sighing. Jungkook took that as an invitation and began, sucking harshly on your neck, leaving sloppy kisses down to your chest. He removed his left hand from your ass, pushing you harder against the wall to make up for it, as he tugged your shirt free from your pants where it was tucked. He hiked it up over your bra, looking up at you with lust in his eyes at the site of your lacy undergarments, he pulled it down slightly, your breast coming free as he sucked on your nipple, licking and biting onto your breast, your whole body writhing in anticipation, as snuck his hands down your pants. Brushing his fingers against your clothed core, he started rubbing his fingers against your clit, building up speed, as you bit down on your lip harshly to keep from moaning out. You just loosed a quiet sigh, when your bubble popped to the sound of Jungkook’s name being called. You both froze, the flame between you doused by reality.

“Jungkook-ah? Where are you?”

Tae’s voice rang out as he passed through the room. Jungkook removed his hand from your pants and pulled your bra up over your breast again and put you back on your feet. You hurriedly adjusted your bra, and shoved your shirt back into your pants, finger-combing your hair quickly as you nodded to Jungkook. He ran his fingers through his hair as he looked down at you through his lashes muttering, “sorry” sheepishly.

You smiled your cheeks heated as you whispered, “I’m not.”

Jungkook’s face filled with mischief as he grabbed you roughly by the hips, pulling you into his body and pressing his lips against yours harshly, and quickly. He turned and poked his head out the door before opening it fully and pulling you out by your hand your brain still dizzy and turning as you blinked in the sudden light. Jungkook closed the door behind you quietly, before tiptoeing over to the bathroom door and opening it and closing it loudly.

“I found her!” He shouted out, pulling you with him by the wrist towards the main lounge area.

Tae came bouncing out of the farthest room as he joined everyone in the lounge, “That makes it seven minutes and twenty-three seconds. Beat that.” Tae raised his eyes in challenge towards Jin’s team.

“Oh, we’ll get you. Just wait.” Jin winked at Tae.

“What happened to you guys?” Namjoon looked at you, his eyes glinting, as he smirked and looked you guys up and down.

“What? Nothing.” You said a little too quickly.

“She wouldn’t come easily, I had to wrestle her out of her hiding spot.” Jungkook chuckled, his face not even twitching, as he lied.

“Where exactly were you hiding, y/n?” Yoongi asked, his face contorted in confusion.

“Uhm,” You paused, trying to think quickly, “In the linen closet in the bathroom.” You nodded your head along with your lie.

Yoongi nodded his head along, your lie bought.

“Well our turn now?” You asked clapping your hands together, as you moved from Jungkook’s side to join your team. You fluttered your hands telling the boys run off, as you began counting with Jin, Hoseok, and Jimin.

As you called out one hundred, you pounded fists with the boys and ran off in where you knew Jungkook would be. Sure enough, as you ran into the second to last room, and opened the closet Jungkook was standing there smirking, not even bothering to hide himself by the clothes as he tugged you in, the door clicking behind you. This time Jungkook’s back was against the wall, as you moved your hands down his body, sliding your hands quickly into his pants to cup his erection, as Jungkook grunted. You trailed sloppy kisses down his neck, tugging on his ear with your teeth, Jungkook shivering under your touch as you massaged his balls in your hand agonizingly slowly. You slid your other hand down his arm, feeling his biceps, and his smooth skin, you were about to get lost again, as Jungkook grabbed your chin, pulling your face up to meet his, as he kissed you, his tongue exploring inside your mouth. You tugged on his lower lip again, breaking the kiss, as you moved your lips to his ear, whispering.

“Sorry babe, but I want to win.” You pecked him quickly on the lips and removed your hands from his pants as you threw the doors open, shouting.

“I found him!” You shouted, smirking back at a Jungkook’s shocked face.

Jimin came running into room, and high-fived you as you stood there pleased with yourself.

“That makes us finished at six minutes and three seconds! We win!” Jimin shouted out, hugging Hoseok as he came into the room. Jungkook finally moved from the closet, tugging at the crotch of his pants as you all left the room to decide on what food you wanted.

Of course, the boys wanted true American food, so when you snuck out of the hotel room, you had a list of everything they wanted on the burgers, clutched in your hand. Deok-su was in the lobby with a group of other bodyguards all looking menacing as they stood around different points of the lobby. You panicked and quickly hopped in line with a bellhop as he pushed a luggage cart stacked high with a matching luggage set. You smiled at him as you walked right behind the cart, blocking you from Deok-su’s sight. You ducked out the automatic doors as you passed them, hailing a cab before it drove off.

When you arrived at In-and-Out, you asked the cabbie to take you through the drive-thru, and you prattled off all their long orders, making sure to ask for a large of everything to satisfy their huge appetites. After ten minutes the food was stacked in several bags at your feet and you were back on the freeway speeding towards the hotel, you gave the cabbie a generous tip, and he smiled at you warmly as you dipped from the car, rushing towards the stairs, climbing to the second floor before getting on the elevator and riding all the way up to the top floor that BTS and their entourage occupied. You nudged open the door to the boys excited cries, they all swarmed you as you set down the food on the table, thanking you as they munched on their food, contentment spread across their faces at the greasy burgers.

You shook your head rolling your eyes at how easily they were satisfied. Jungkook looked up and caught your gaze, winking, your breath hitching in your throat, you grabbed your food and told the guys you needed some alone time, and ducked into your room, this time clicking the lock into place on your door.

You had long since finished your food and were on your third episode of law and order when someone knocked on your door, very softly, almost as if they were scared to approach. You threw off your covers, and wiggled out of bed, just now realizing that the sun had gone down and that lights were winking into existence outside your bedroom window. You opened the door to a shy Jungkook, he was wearing sweat pants and a thin white t-shirt, scratching the back of his neck in anxiousness. You chuckled at his uneasy manner, for once he was the one anxious, and you were the one with your smirk on your face, the roles reversed.

“Where are the other boys?” You whispered.

“Mostly asleep.”

You opened your door wider at his response, signaling him to come in. He walked into the room and immediately made his way over to your window, standing in front of the floor-to-ceiling glass. His hands were hanging easily in pockets, and you could see the muscles shifting in his back as he rolled his shoulders and stretched his neck on each side. The lights from the city were silhouetting his body, making his form into shadowy art, his stillness that of a statue. You stood there admiring him in your fuzzy high socks, and oversized men’s button up. Suddenly feeling so small, compared to the lean sculpted man in front you. His form was beginning to blend into the art of the skyline, when he turned towards you a lazy smile on his face.

“I could look at this view all day,” He whispered, assuming that if he had said it too loud and would vanish.

“Same here,” You whispered back, looking only at him. His eyes warmed as he looked at you, closing the space between you and wrapping his arms around your waist, pulling you into a hug and spinning you around, as you laughed onto his shoulder. You were back by the window again after he had spun you around a dizzying amount of times, before he set you down. You wrapped your arms around his middle, snuggling your head onto his shoulder as traced circles on your back, twirling the ends of your hair in this other hand, both of your gazes fixed out beyond the window. Gradually, Jungkook started tracing circles lower and lower on your back till he was lifting up the hem of your sleep shirt, your entire body heating up again, just from the simplest touch. Your hands began to bunch the fabric of his thin white shirt as he slipped his hands inside your silk underwear to massage your ass. He was kneading your skin just hard enough to arouse you, and it was taking all your self-control to not rip his shirt of his body, but you wanted to savor this, you wanted to savor him, so you let him control the pace.

He pushed down on your underwear bending down as he slowly pulled it down your legs, goosebumps arising at his touch. Once he had them down by your feet, you lifted up each one, Jungkook tossing the small piece of fabric across the floor. He was kneeling at your feet now, and he began trailing kisses up your legs, his strong hands still on your ass, massaging, the heat between your legs becoming almost unbearable. Suddenly, Jungkook was unbuttoning the bottom of your shirt working his way up, till you were naked in front of him, the shirt falling off your shoulders and pooling on the ground.

“You are so beautiful, y/n.”

You flushed at his words, the intimacy of the moment leaving you more than naked, all your defenses down. It was almost as if he could see your heart pumping in your chest, because he was holding it in his hands, whether you relinquished it or not. You had never felt so cherished, the man in your past had left you feeling broken, but here you were standing in front of man, who was on his knees for you, making you feel like the most precious person in the world, and there was no way you could turn back now. Jungkook would forever be a part of you now, no matter how hard you resisted. His name was tattooed in your being.

Jungkook began kissing your core, whispering against your skin how beautiful you are, as he consumed you. His soft kissing turning faster, and messier as he licked your heat, leaving you breathless. He moved his right hand from your ass, and began teasing your clit, the sensation combined with his tongue sending you over the edge, your body was just about to release, when Jungkook stopped, moving from his knees to take your mouth, kissing you harshly as he lifted you up and threw you on the bed. He took of his socks and kneeled before you. You leaned up on your knees to meet him and grabbed him roughly by his shirt and laughing before you melded your lips to his. Jungkook’s hands were all over your body, and you wanted nothing more than to feel his skin on yours. You untangled your hands from his shirt and slid them down his chest, grabbing the bottom of his shirt and pulling it quickly over his head. His muscled chest turning you on even further, you were about to pull him in for a kiss again, when Jungkook pushed you down onto the mattress, his eyes getting a dangerous lustful gleam. He snaked down on top of you grabbing your wrists roughly and pinning them above your head as he kissed you, taking charge of your body. You moaned into his mouth, trying to grind your crotch against his for some relief. Jungkook bit down on your lip hard in retaliation, causing you to cry out.

“Shh.. Baby don’t be too loud, or I’ll have to punish you.”

“Punish me?” You responded back, surprise lacing your voice.

“Oh, you don’t believe me?”

You tried to open your mouth to respond, but Jungkook grabbed your roughly by your hips and flipped you over, pulling you up by your hips, so your ass was against him. 

“Jungkook, wha—.”

You were cut off by Jungkook slapping your ass hard. You almost yelped out, but you stifled your voice in the pillow in front of you.

“Do you doubt me now, y/n?”

“No.” You replied meekly.

“No, what?”

You furrowed your eyebrows, as you thought quickly.

“No, Jungkook…” You trailed off, wondering if that was what he was looking for.

He nodded gruffly in response, his dominance turning you into a puddle of need. He leaned down over you again, his erection pushing into your ass, as he kissed and nipped down your back, pushing your chest down with his hand, as he grinded into you from behind.

“Ugh, Jungkook, please. Stop teasing.”

“Stop what?” Jungkook whispered, you could feel the smirk forming on his face. 

“Don’t make me say it again. Jungkook please.”

He slid his hand down your spine in response, smacking your ass again right where he did before the pain feeling good this time, you moaned out in pleasure.

“Oh, you like it when I spank you?”

“Yes,” You breathed out, not wanting to say it too loudly.

Jungkook chuckled, and slid his fingers down to your heat, massaging your clit lightly, building you up again, his fingers moving faster and faster, your brain becoming fuzzy as you lost yourself in the sensation. Jungkook slapped your ass again, right on top of the red mark from before, making you moan out again. He then slowly inserted his fingers into you, moving steadily, he inserted another finger, picking up his speed, as he tortured your nipple with his other hand. Rolling it between his fingers as pressed sloppy kisses on your back. You closed your eyes, sighing softly. As Jungkook began rolling his clothed hips into your ass, his erection, rubbing against you at all the right spots. You gasped, as he rolled into you harder increasing the speed of his fingers as he pumped them inside you, you could feel yourself about let go, when Jungkook stopped for the second time, groaning loudly, as he removed his fingers, flipping you over again and pressing his lips against yours. You took advantage of being on your back again and dug your fingers down Jungkook’s back, causing him to moan on your lips. You slipped your hands under his sweatpants and boxers and slid them just down his legs, this time massaging his ass in your hands, Jungkook grinding his hips forward into yours.

You wanted to set him over the edge, he was too calm, and it was infuriating, as you felt like you were the only one struggling here. You started to get rougher with him, scratching his back and grinding your crotch onto his while kneading his ass harder. His breaths turned shallow, and his kisses sloppier until you slid your other hand down and cupped him softly, pumping up and down his shaft, Jungkook’s breath hitched in his chest, and he moved his lips to where your neck met your shoulder biting down hard, you gasped and grinded into him harder.

“Ugh, dammit I wanted you to beg and now I am!” Jungkook grunted out as he leaned back and pulled down his sweatpants farther and thrust into you without warning.

You moaned loudly, Jungkook silencing you with sloppy kisses, as he slowly moved his hips. His rhythm was slow and easy as he consumed you, marking your body with his lips, the markers flaring bright on your pale skin.

“You are so beautiful.” Jungkook whispered onto your skin, this time you were starting to believe it.

He began moving into you harder, increasing his rhythm as you gripped onto his shoulders, your fingers digging into his muscles.

“Jungkook-ah, faster please!” You gasped out.

Jungkook grunted as he picked up the pace, his body entirely over your own, his muscled arms, supporting his body, were planted on either side of your shoulders, trapping you underneath him. His thrusts became sloppier as he tired, and you grinded into him to make-up for it, as both of you were heated and wanting more of each other. He bit down onto your shoulder again, the scent, and feel of him taking over you.

“Y/n,” He breathed as pounded into you, both of you climaxing around each other, your body spent, yet energized at the same time as Jungkook, laid down on top of you.

His forehead was sweaty, his bangs sticking to his flawless skin as he panted against your chest, his arms wrapped around you, holding onto you, so you wouldn’t vanish like the last time. You brushed his hair away from his face, caressing his face lightly, Jungkook sighed in contentment, at the brush of your fingers, snuggling his head into your chest, as you chuckled lightly. You couldn’t remember the last time you felt so fond of someone else. Jungkook felt as if he was made for you, and you didn’t know how you lasted this long without him. His arms wrapped around you felt like the only thing you needed. And you never wanted to be without him now. Jungkook propped himself up on his elbows, and slid out of you, the complete fullness you felt now gone. He pecked you on the lips and rolled off of you, so that he was lying next to you, as he pulled you into his embrace, you settling your head onto his chest. He ran his fingers through your hair, placing a soft kiss onto your head.

“Jungkook, I feel like there’s something I need to tell you.”

“What is it baby?” He pressed another kiss onto your forehead, pulling the blanket on the end of the bed around both of you, pulling you closer into his embrace.

“I never told you why I left America right?” You whispered out, surprised at yourself for even beginning to open up.

“No, you haven’t, well not the truthful answer. Is that what you want to tell me?” Jungkook resumed running his fingers through your hair as he said this.

“Yeah, let me just get this all out before you say anything, okay?” You could feel Jungkook nod his head on top of yours, so you breathed in and out, trying to settle your racing heart before you spoke.

“In elementary school I had this friend, his name was James, and he was the coolest kid I had ever met. He was one of the few that never teased me, and always played with me whenever I was alone on the playground. As we grew up we quickly became each other’s best friends, we lived a street apart, and we would ride our bikes to each other’s houses every day after school, he was the only person I ever trusted, and I cared about him deeply. When we got to middle school, I noticed that James started to do things differently around me, he would be rude to me in front of his guy friends, and he started making fun of how I wore my hair in braids, and I didn’t understand why. One day he threw a paper ball at me in class, and I asked him to stop, but he wouldn’t, and he kept throwing more and more and more, and when I turned to tell him to stop again, one hit me in the eye, and I ran home crying. He came to my house later that day and apologized profusely, and when I asked him why he was being mean to me, he said that he didn’t know how to handle his feelings for me and that being mean to me was his way of trying to get rid of them, but it only made him like me more. I had my first kiss that night and we were inseparable after. We dated all four years of high school and when we graduated he gave me a promise ring. A year later he replaced it with an engagement ring and I was ecstatic. And I know we were pretty young, but I had been with him all my life, and there was literally no one else I wanted to be with, so it didn’t matter if we got married then or in five years because he was the only thing that mattered to me. We had been planning our wedding for about a year, when things started to become strange, suddenly James didn’t want to have a big wedding anymore, even after we booked a venue. Then he didn’t want to have a wedding at all and suggested that we elope in a courtroom. Then I found him in bed with my maid of honor, who was also my cousin. I broke off the engagement then, throwing my ring at his head, and I haven’t seen him since. He moved out of our apartment, but nothing was the same I couldn’t go anywhere without being reminded of him. And I couldn’t even look at my cousin at family events, because she was still with him! After a couple months I couldn’t take it anymore and I sold most of my stuff and moved here, one of the farthest places I could go, thinking it would feel like home, but it hasn’t until I met you.”

A tear escaped your eye as you finished, and you turned away from Jungkook rubbing roughly at your eyes. Jungkook didn’t let you escape though and he pulled your back into his chest wrapping you up in his arms, as he peppered your face with kisses until you laughed. 

“Listen, I would never do that to you. And as far as I’m concerned, James is an asshole who didn’t appreciate what he had when he had it. And I don’t intend on repeating his mistakes. I’m not going anywhere y/n, not now, not ever.”

You turned towards him as he finished, new tears shining in your eyes as you looked at him. He brushed them away with his thumb and pressed his lips softly against each of your eyelids. You pressed your head into his chest as he cuddled you closer, your broken heart for once feeling full again.

You laid like that for a couple hours, just being in the presence of each other, as Jungkook whisper-sang little melodies into your ear. Each of you pressing light kisses onto each other until the kisses turned fervent and you each sought release in each other’s skin.

After the second time, you pushed Jungkook away slightly, and stood from the bed.

“We are never going to stop, until one of us gets up, so I guess that’ll have to be me.” You laughed as you stood on the side of the bed.

Jungkook groaned and slid over to you, sitting on the edge of the bed his hands reaching out for you. “C’mon don’t leave me, I’m cold and lonely,” He pouted at you.

“Oh, whatever,” You rolled your eyes in response, making to turn away when Jungkook grabbed you by your wrist and pulled you into his arms, pressing kisses onto your chest and breasts, easily turning you into a puddle again, you looked over at the clock as you tried to push your way out of a laughing Jungkook’s arms, and saw that it was only nine o’clock.

You stilled and looked down at the surprised Jungkook and whispered mischievously, “Why don’t we sneak out of here?”

Jungkook raised his eyebrows at you, a smirk forming on his face, “I’m in.”

He stood from the bed and pressed a hungry kiss against your lips, before he grabbed his sweatpants from the floor and slipped them on, winking at you as he left the room. Your whole body shivered, and you had to shake yourself out of your daydream to go put clothes on. You rummaged through your suitcase, deciding on a flowy wrap dress, you tied the lavender bow on the side and walked into the bathroom, to reassemble your face. The curls in your hair still lingered, so you swept it up into a loose chignon, and swept easy make up onto your face, grabbing your purse and heels as you tiptoed out of your room, to find a pajama clad Namjoon standing in front of the open refrigerator. You froze, there was nowhere else to run, as Namjoon closed the fridge and looked at you with a smirk on your face, just as you were about to come up with a lie, Jungkook came into the lounge area, his shoes in his hand. Your cheeks heated as Namjoon looked at both of you, with laughter in his eyes.

“HA! I knew it! Jimin, and I had a bet going, looks like I won.” He laughed, Jungkook’s scared face turning into relief at his hyung’s laughter.

“Don’t get in trouble with Deok-su when you sneak out, Sejin will get all lecture-y and I know you don’t want that. Have fun kiddos.” Namjoon said, as he grabbed a banana from the counter, slapping Jungkook on the back as he went through the door that Jungkook had just exited.

You looked at each other sheepishly, as you closed the distance between you. Jungkook pressed a kiss against your cheek, before he stood back to look at you.

“Wow, you’re seriously the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

You blushed, looking down at the floor before meeting his eyes again, “Well you don’t look so bad yourself, handsome.”

Jungkook in fact looked his fantastic, oozing his usual casual elegance, his leather jacket thrown over his white button up which was tucked into his black jeans. He bent down and put on his black boots, tying up the laces quickly, before opening the door for you. You winked at him as you both exited.

Once you made it down to the lobby, you each poked your heads out of the elevator, looking around anxiously. The ten bodyguards you had seen earlier had diminished down to three, including Deok-su, who was looking especially tired as he leaned against a marble pillar, his eyelids drooping. The other two were too busy playing rock, paper, scissors, to notice you guys rushing towards the exit, your heels clacking against the marble. You jumped into the first cab you saw, telling him to step on it, as you guys laughed loudly in the back, Jungkook clutching his stomach as his laughter turned high-pitched. After a minute you told the driver to take you both to what he considered the best local restaurant, he nodded his head, smiling, and dropped you off outside of a cozy looking restaurant, the exterior all worn wood, iron, and warm lighting. Jungkook opened your door and entwined his fingers with yours as the driver left. You smiled at each other, and Jungkook pressed a kiss onto your forehead. You felt so normal, here with him, it was as if you were just going out to dinner with your boyfriend on a breezy winter night, all of your responsibilities, and his obligations floating away with the wind.

You were both so wrapped up in each other, that you didn’t realize your picture was being taken as you walked towards the restaurant.

[rigginsstreet]

i tried watching the opening number and i had to stop literally one second in i cant do it lmao there will be no musical moments for me in this ep absolutely not

“im thrilled youre getting back into music even if its not rock n roll” FRED !!!!

also .... at my high school we had to build our own sets..... wasnt nobody coming in to help. i mean we had one adult who worked there full time to do BIG stuff but like.... mainly it was the dudes in stagecraft who built shit

funny story one time we were painting sets and this giant plank fell on this girls head but all of us hated her so we just kinda sat back and laughed so then she goes to the nurse and comes back in a wheelchair and we were like “ok... dramatic...” she was fine. you can see now why one day in drama 2 my teacher made us all sit on stage for a group therapy session

josie in the back straight up said “no” lmao me

oh no.... my hand slipped.... did fp and alice have a scene.... wow..... cant believe....i missed.... it....

i would die for hirams stupid ass i love him

i mean my best friend and i too often sing to each other but its more like “ass...titties. ass and titties. ass ass titties titties ass and titties” so once again riverdale just remains completely unrealistic and takes me out of the whole thing

HIRAMS SUCH A FUCKING SHIT STIRRER!!! also me

“you gotta show your mother whos in charge” um...pretty sure...as the MOTHER....its.... penelope. but go off i guess

listen toni i love you and have defended you when the rest of the fandom hated you i cant believe you are going along with cheryls stupidity i wont hesitate to cancel you too

i want to feel sorry for alice but i just... dont. listen i have a low tolerance for bullshit and this season has been nothing but for her so.... whatever

fred with that tool belt is very hot 10/10 do recommend 

archie idk how to tell you this but you literally already let hiram get in between you and your dad so idk about all this “you will lose every time” nonsense he’s already got some wins under his belt

alice aint allergic to shit get the fuck outta here

chic is freds this is obviously where this storyline is headed idk what else yall think is happening

if we cancel this show now halice stays together and i think thats for the best. let us not air any more episodes. 

archie what the fresh hell is that ?!

FRED !!!!!!!!

i know DAMN WELL penelope aint scared of cheryls theatrics girl.... im tired of this show playing my faves like this WRITE BETTER

i know its 2018 and we shouldnt condone child abuse but penelope shouldve done slapped the shit outta cheryl this is ridiculous 

every teen show has to have one emancipation. i still maintain the only show that had a valid reason was roswell. didnt sean get emancipated on degrassi? but i forgot his situation. 

im like...3 seconds away from slapping cheryl myself

fp you stupid fucking bitch.... thats it. thats all i have to say. thats all i ever have to say. get control of your life. alice is not your present or future. you stupid....stupid bitch

YOU COULDA HAD A WHOLE ASS SCENE OF FP TURNING TO LEAVE AND BUMP INTO FRED. YOU COULDVE HAD THEM SIT TOGETHER WATCHING THEIR SON ARCHIE PERFORM. YOU COULDVE HAD THEM SHARING AN ARMREST, ARMS TOUCHING, HANDS CLOSE, FP GLANCING DOWN WANTING TO HOLD FREDS HAND, FRED COMPLETELY UNAWARE, FPS FINGERS SLOWLY MOVING TO REACH OUT, AND JUST AS THEYRE ABOUT TO TOUCH SOME MOMENT HAPPENS WHERE EVERYONE STARTS APPLAUDING AND FPS SNATCHING HIS HAND AWAY AND THEN WHEN THEYRE ALL SETTLED FPS GOT HIS EYES LOCKED ON THE STAGE AND FRED GLANCES OVER AT HIM, LOOKS DOWN AT FPS HAND LIKE HE KNOWS. LIKE HE WANTS TO HOLD HIS HAND TOO. BUT NO. INSTEAD I GET STUPID HETEROSEXUAL NONSENSE IM TIRED

that ending is hysterical im sorry i cant.... i just cant

[irregulardiaryposts]

20:27 10/01/2021 so. yes hello . i have corona looool. its not funny but it kinda is. a lot has changed since the last time i wrote and yet nothing at all has happened. its 2021 lol. its just 2020 pt 2 tho. crazy shit. i feel fine tho i dont feel ill at all. im currently looking at some art that i like and trying to find more since i wanna make a collage on my wall or something. ive always wanted a room that just feels like ME ya know. i always felt like my room didnt really show who i was because i tend to live in my head. like all of me is in my noggin instead of showing who i am through the way i dress/how my room looks/personalised things like my phone and stuff . like its never really shown what im like probably because i dont really know who i am. that feels weird to say because of course i know who i am. its a me. mario. no. lol. i really want to get into tailoring my life to ME rather than just existing ya know. like i feel as though theres no point doing anything like expressing myself because ill just end up being not bothered to finish something or ill end up not liking it so ive wasted my time. but u know what. fuck it. i wanna do thinks like that and maybe one day ill look back at when i started doing this and thank myself. thats got to be worth more than the feeling of disappointment of wasting ur time for something u dont like. coz if its not better then thats not fair. i was contemplating whether or not to actually continue this because its cringe and i dont want anyone to ever find this because i hate people knowing more about me than i let them. you only ever get to know the me i want you to. lol. i exist on my conditions. i should really put this somewhere else than on a notepad on my laptop. maybe i should create a tumblr account and upload these coz i think i could access it more privately than this. the more i think about it the better of an idea this is. i still like writing on this notepad because its familiar and allows for more expression i think . because i can make as many spelling mistakes as i want and no one can correct me. haagaHHghvsqhdbjsnbsd. anyways what was i talking about. ah yes self expression. i think ive been struggling with this because i dont like boxing myself in. and i especially hate when other people box me in . :((((((( makes me mad >:[ hehehheh anyway i have the first day of online school tomorrow ... which... yeah sucks. but i dont even know if half my teachers are actually doing it lol. i hope prelims get cancelled because i mean the exams are so why shouldnt prelims be. the thing is that i struggle with motivation so much. and its not even like "i dont want to start this massive project because it will take a lot of time and energy" its more "i cant pick up that book that is within arms reach even though i quite like the idea of reading right now and wouldnt mind getting a bit of progress done i just physically cant put my phone down and pick that up because my brain doesnt want to even though.. it does????" man am i bad at explaining. anyway i was saying that because even though i knowwww i shouldve been studying the past two weeks the only thing ive done is like.. look at some spanish and thought about things i can do in my own time to help that. but the thing is i enjoy spanish for the most part so like,,, with me enjoying the subject, wanting to learn it, and going to fking uni for it, all ive done is 20 minutes of spur of the moment writing lmao. so chemistry and maths are fked. coz i dislike chem especially. fuck that shit lol. i feel very trapped in my own head but i feel like im doing that becauese ive learned to do that for so long. its weird existing to other people especially when u didnt feel like u existed to yourself for a long time. like as though ehdjsb jhbwalkjkjbf i dont know what im saying. oh yeah the minecraft end poem almost made me cry again. im gonna read it again because i just reminded myself and im gonna come back and tell u my fave. why am i speaking to you as though u are real. like ur a person. maybe ill keep doing that. what do u think. anyway brb wait im gonna play minecarft music while i read it and maybe i can cry. "i like this player. it played well. it did not give up" "this player dreamed of sunlight and trees. of fire and water. it dreamed it created. and it dreamed it destroyed. it dreamed it hunted, and was hunted. it dreamed of shelter." "does it know we love it? that the universe is kind?" "to cure it of sorrow would destroy it. the sorrow is part of its own private task" "to tell them how to live is to prevent them living" "take a breath, now. take another. feel air in your lungs. let your limbs return. yes, move your fingers. have a body again, under gravity, in air. respawn in the long dream. there you are. your body is touching the universe again at every point, as though you were separate things. as though we were separate things" "and why does the universe touch your skin, and throw light on you? to see you, player. to know you. and to be known." "and the universe said i love you - and the universe said you have played the game well - and the universe said everything you need is within you - and the universe said you are stronger than you know - and the universe said you are the daylight - and the universe said you are the night - and the universe said the darkness you fight is within you - and the universe said the light you seek is within you - and the universe said you are not alone - and the universe said you are not sepsrate from every other thing - and the universe said you are the universe tasting itself, talking to itself, reading its own code - and the universe said i love you because you are love" *sobs* " and the player was the universe. and the player was love. you are the player. wake up." how was i supposed to be okay after reading that huh. honestly tho i live minecraft like its such a beautiful game i cant believe i used to be ashamed to admit i played it :/ . in the middle of that i created a tumblr account coz i got sidetracked but its good to know that tumblr doesnt have a character limit that im aware of. anyway i know thats a lot of quotes its like almost half of the entire poem but like. its beautiful tho. its really grounding and like validating? to hear some of that idk. the universe is actually fking mental tho lol and i love learning about it i think thats one of the reasons i did so well in physics is that is taking something so entirely complex and crazy into math and reason and logic so i can at least understand a little about the universe. i can know it back. maybe i am the universe. and really were just understanding ourselves. getting to know who we are and where we all came from. i think thats lovely since some people (inc me) dont really know who they are or what theyre supposed to be so its comforting to know that at the very least we are all made from atoms and we were all forged from the same galaxy and that we are a part of the universe, part of something important just by existing. that we dont have to be special or unique by anyone's standards because we are formed in the same way stars are, were all just a collection of atoms, arranged to make up something incredible, and the fact that we can understand that shows how remarkable we are just by existing. like thats it. we are amazing just because we exist at the same time as the universe, that we are the universe. and so yes physics is "just maths" but maths is a tool to explain how phenomenal our exitance actually is. yeah. wow. ok imma go watch youtube or something now. bye bye. also notice how there was like an almost 3 month gap in between writing these. yeah.

[ts-akhmim]

Episode 9 | “Autumn's World”- Jakey

ok i really wasnt going to make a post tribal confessional because my last one was so long but like i have to get this off my chest... can i just say the irony is NOT lost on me that im the one who got the power to visit the pre jurors and plead my case on who i think they should vote for and......they voted for ME???? at least that's what my common sense is telling me because almost no one said anything to me during my trip there so... i doubt they voted amir because im pretty sure liam did? like..... this game is REALLY starting to make me extremely self conscious like wtf i literally havent even met half of these people and the majority of them voted for me without even knowing me.... has my whole life been a lie? am i not actually the bomb dot com?? like i dont think im this amazing person or anything and obviously i know not everyone is gonna like me but WHAT is it about me that's clearly so polarizing with people and NOT in a good way... first people in the game i didnt know wanted to vote me out now people i dont know want me out too do i have a sticker on my forehead that says hate on me? like trust and believe i hate myself enough i dont need yalls negativity too ! maybe im just too ahead of the times for certain people.. at this point i dont care, im a tough cookie and i guess im a little mean and judgemental so this is just my karma but whatever, pity party over, i guess you know you that bitch when you cause all this conversation zzzzzz

okay so i filmed two video confessionals while walking the dog but i think i just flipped the captain vote?! i truly do think i just flipped the captain vote while walking the dog which is so exciting. i knew voting jordan was stupid to scorn him for no reason, so i decided tj would be better, spoke to who i needed to speak to, and now its happening hehe [the two videos i filmed should explain why i did what i did]. this is the first time this game i felt like montenegro ali is not gone completely - i set a goal for myself and i made it happen. now no matter what this season i can be proud that i made something happen hehe. tj's target is gonna inflate like a balloon now hehe. the way i did it was i spoke to autumn first, who i knew also had the connections with the beauties who would need to be flipped, then talked about my reservations with jake/devon/augusto. i knew autumn would push tj, and i just got to sit back and here them all say tj to me?! i feel so proud that i made that happen tm, now we have a scapegoat set up. i think update so: Ideal Bootlist: Kendall > TJ > Jordan/Augusto > Jordan/Augusto > Duncan > Amir > F5: Me/Autumn/Jake/Devon/Adam Ranking as a Juror: autumn > jake > amir > duncan > jordan > augusto > devon > adam > tj > kendall

okay so... i think as a consequence of the trust rankings, i think i'm now set up very well to be shielded by both my closest allies, jake for his idol play and autumn for the perception of her as someone who runs the tribe. ideally next two votes are maybe kendall then tj? idek

im gonna say something, that i NEVER say and im gonna OWN IT. . . .. .... IM A DUMB BITCH. ok i say that a lot but THISSS time i really mean it, ive been playing this game so short sighted and completely narrowly, focused on getting these old beautys out for almost voting me out in the beginning, and today i find out, that little old ME is the one who's actually been the president of the clown academy smh obviously, i do still think i was semi valid in not trusting any of those 3 at first, but today, amir approached me finally to clear the air, because like i said before, the reason ive had no interest in working with like him or augusto was because i knew what they were plotting against me, HOWEVER .... i guess i lacked some common sense that shouldve told me well look at it from their perspective, it's just very hard for me to trust when i was lied to so, i know for a fact someone went to amir and probably told him i wanted him out last round instead of liam, and i also learn that the REAL CLOWN OF ALL THE LANDS IS DUNCAN. I had a call with jordan today, and he basically spilled the beans that duncan wants my head on a silver platter?? first of all, duncan, you're a fool. I was completely on your side and actually trusted you, so thanks for nothing! I would not be surprised if he was trying to go to amir to plan to vote me out I also talked to autumn on call today and she confirmed that to me as well, and it made me feel a lot better because i think duncan thinks that IM overconfident in the game which is NOT THE CASE...have yall seen my confessionals??? is it or is it not tea that all i do is sit and guess multiple scenarios for my paranoia...granted i KNOW im a diva and i have fits and my moments, but i genuinely try not to get comfortable, so the fact that HE thinks he can get comfty and get me out, boy you got another thing coming because i may not know what the HELL im doing 85% of the time but i think that's one of my best traits, im a wildcard and elusive and adaptability is what i try to go for more so than being that person in charge, because clearly anytime i think im in charge, thats NEVER the case... and congratulations because now there's an angry adam on the loose and duncan is now my biggest target out of no where. Funny how so much can change in less than a day huh? at this point i literally trust no one i feel like im at the liar convention of the century, i want to say i trust autumn, jordan, and kinda ali the most but idk anymore. I feel like Jakey is 100% in with duncan to get me out too but idk i dont have any proof, just a conspiracy because they both messaged me at the exact same time after ignoring me for hours so it made me think they had a call together of some sort and talked about me I'm kinda upset with myself because every time i play i do this stupid thing where i refuse to look at the bigger picture, and im glad there's still enough game left i can kinda start to snap out of it and see where it takes me from here, even though ive played twice and done decent placement wise both times i feel like i have a lot to prove as far as people just thinking im an idiot and will never catch on to things, and i definitely think duncan thinks im an idiot now but you know what, ill let him think that because the fact that people are letting me in on things, shows me i must be doing at least something right ....although it could get tricky, because i really do love autumn and me and her both agreed jordan is a huge threat down the road, but jordan is also on my side right now so i need to treat carefully with that i also need to get to WORK on connecting and mending my relationships with amir/augusto, at this point all i can do is try and be honest with them about whats been going on and hopefully they dont rule me out, BUT ... in my slight defense i never wouldve been so against them if they just owned up to it and not lied to me over and over again in the beginning xoxo but i do hereby take away all the SHIT ive talked since like..... day 7 dajfks ok last thing i want to touch on is im STILL confused why no one trusts me in this immunity challenge i got second to last after KENDALL..... like all shade at myself yall are giving me WAY too much credit... they all still think im stacked with idols and advtantages and even though i MAY have cracked the pyramid im not good at solving shit so FUCK 2048 FOR GETTING MY WAY OF GETTING THIS IDOL 

just called with amir for ages and he was 100% misting me but i'm at peace with it he is super sweet.

Adam, welcome to your tape. im not even sure where to begin .... ive never YELLED at a gay in my life like this... that gay being ME.... so here i am, having a breakdown going boo hoo hoo for me thinking people must just HATE me for whatever unknown reason, only for me to find out I UNKNOWINGLY GAVE EVERYONE A REASON DHAJKFDHAJKD rewind back to survivor auction....obviously i knew with an anonymous auction people were ALL gonna start lying about what they really got and what not ... however, im sure none of them were STUPID ENOUGH TO TELL A BLATANTLY OBVIOUSLY FALSE FABRICATION LIKE ME I LITERALLY DIDNT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT ... SO I JUST WANTED PEOPLE TO THINK I WAS AT LEAST TRYING FOR IMMUNITY SO I TOLD EVERYONE I BID ON THE IMMUNITY NECKLACES THEN WHEN I DIDNT GET THEM I WENT FOR THE ADVANTAGE, MEANWHILE NOT USING COMMON SENSE AND REALIZING IF I BID ON THE NECKLACES....I WOULDNT BE ABLE TO BID ON THE CHALLENGE ADVANTAGE i literally pulled a cirie trying to play officer sarah's own steal a vote against her but no not really because cirie is a LEGEND and im just a DUMB DUMB. AT LEAST CIRIE CAN SAY SHE WAS PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY EXHAUSTED WHICH IS WHY SHE MESSED UP BUT WHAT CAN I SAY?? ive never made such an idiotic mistake so obvious before.... i was probably high so ill blame the weed for some of it but mostly just me being dumb. ive been sitting around DRAGGING people for lying to me and now here i am lying right to everyone BUT IN MY DEFENSE.....it really is such a MINUSCULE lie but considering i devoted my entire first part of my game to being against people for telling me the tiniest of lies, i must look like SUCH a hyprocrite but one thing about me is at least ill own it, however, im now one of the biggest and easiest targets in the game because of what ive done so it's time to come up with something real quick (but not another lie NO MORE....) i completely deserved #9 in that challenge but dhfakj its time to completely change my game because now no one is gonna want to work with me and it's my own fault, im a dead fish being asked to come back to life, im gonna have to find a way to play this off or even just come clean and hope it doesnt completely screw me.... but wait..... i just got 9th on all these people's lists and completely lied to everyone and.....somehow they decided to let me have immunity??? what the HELL is going on? i mean logically speaking if im the biggest target here now why not keep me around because im so stupid, at first i was just trying to ACT dumb but that i actually am just dumb, it makes it a lot easier that's for sure! so yeah .... gonna lay low for a bit and not dig myself in more holes

tj and jordan really. really. think they can vote autumn out to scoop me up? like do i look like a sheep, do i look like a clown? because i do not have wool nor do i have a clown wig on. im so done with jordan he can pretend and preach till the cows come home that we are working together and that threats need to stick together.... but actions 100% speak louder than words, and his actions are nothing but shady so

yall: confess! me, who's already made 10 confessionals per round and the 1 person yall weren't talking to: ok sure ! anyway im still an idiot just a tiny update, ive decided to come clean about that damn auction even though everyone already knew oop, lying clearly wasnt working for me even tho i got immunity so maybe it did work in some sick and twisted way??? I really just tried to play it up by telling everyone that i only did it because i have trust issues and didnt know who i could really trust until after the vote, which is kinda true, but obviously my lie was just stupid nonetheless like GOD i literally couldve been in a better spot by being honest all along, but its like.....i willingly stopped in the middle of the race to put a hurdle in front of myself.... but anywho, as long as i have immunity this round, it gives me time to do damage control and see if i can salvage any of my game dafshkj I also talked with amir and augusto finally both on calls separately, to bury the unnecessary hatchet ive been holding onto, amir really did make me feel better about everything between us because he actually apologized because he was able to admit that everything that happened....was literally their own fault ctfu, like had they just been honest with me, we wouldve moved on, but i NO longer hold any ill will towards them about it from a game point, i liked being able to talk with augusto again too because i really did genuinely feel like he was someone i really wanted to play with, and i just dont want to be against the only other 3 brown gays in the game like me and autumn had such a long and great talk about the RACIAL bias in survivor YEAH i said it. I think we should have that conversation. As far as the vote goes it's actually kinda crazy to me....autumn was just talking to me earlier about wanting jordan out because he is definitely a threat, and she's somehow single handedly gotten everyone on board to do it which is scary but im just like....in awe of watching her play like i truly believe talking with her is the reason i won immunity, and i truly think if i didnt have this immunity i would be the one leaving because of my damn big mouth and my own antics. but jordan's kinda been on my side giving me select tea, however i know for a fact he's been holding out on me, but voting him out is still absolutely gonna suck for me tbh, im gonna feel like a bad person, but if there's anything ive learned the last 24 hours of this game is that whatever, this is truly just a game and i need to stop being so overtly sensitive to everything and play smart from here on out. I cant beat jordan in the end. He also just has more loyalties to other people than me so, the plan right now might be to vote him out and he might think it's autumn so he doesnt do anything crazy? i mean part of me WANTS to let him in on the tea just so he can cause chaos but it would get back to me....and im not sure him staying would benefit me enough to piss everyone off, so for ONCE watch while i sit back and shut up

I should have done this yesterday, but I guess I'll spill now. So yesterday was easily the worst day of this game so far for me. I was taking the LSAT, which I thought would give me some amount of a break from being talked about, but it turns out that everyone is going to vote me to be Captain. That part doesn't bother me AS much. What bothers me more is that Duncan and Autumn, who pent so much time genuinely connecting with, apparently turned on us to work with the Beauties over the alliance me and Jordan had with them. I understand that Autumn and Ali are close, yes, but I really thought the connection I had made with those two would allow them to at least stand up for me when people threw my name out there for Captain and have Adam voted as Captain WHEN HE WANTED TO BE IT! And then I choose to save the Bottoms. I wanted to do this not out of revenge, but in order to have a potential in with the Beauty trio of Augusto/Amir/Kendall (on top of if I save the Tops, there is no way I win immunity). So I go with my gut, and then Jakey tells me there was a chat made with the Tops about how to get Adam/Amir/Augusto or some duo of those three safe in spite of my choice. So Autumn of all people, who we went to the same fucking university, decides to vote me out of spite. That just sucks so much to know because I genuinely thought I was going to work with her and Duncan. I truly thought there was something there. And now I feel I have to start back from square one. The day has come where I think I want to work with the Beauty trio; three people I've never been on the same tribe as, but at least they understand the situation I'm in since they have a similar one. Now we can hopefully prevent this stupid Brawn vs. Beauty grudge match that the Brains had created. No more. The Ginger is done being Mr. Nice Guy. I won't sit around any more and let people take advantage of my kindness. I want to win this fucking game, and I intend to do exactly that.

This is likely the most 'dangerous' round I have been apart of. Jordan/Duncan/Autumn/TJ have been involved in an alliance for quite some time. At 8:58pm EST (2 mins before the deadline), I jumped on and asked who I should eliminate. Instead of anyone telling me publicly who to eliminate, it was Duncan of all people who privately messaged me and said to eliminate his buddy Jordan. Since then, I have had the opportunity to talk to a lot of people. I exposed the alliance to those I knew could play a role in breaking it up. For now, the plan seems to be Jordan. However, almost everyone knows about it, and idols/advantages could come into play at any point. Duncan should be safe for now, but his time is coming. I just need to be able to time everything. 

Kendall, if you see this I just want you to know that I love you so so so so so much! I know these people for whatever reason don’t give you the time of day but it’s because of that that they don’t see just how amazing you are! Your crown is slipping ma’am, but don’t let it because you’re a queen and I love you tons <3

If I had to sum up this round, I would say that overconfidence is a weakness in this game. Just look at the MESS that has transpired this round. 1) Autumn pushed for Jordan a LOT as she was in a power position 2) It ended up falling on TJ due to Duncan initially voting that way and Autumn telling others to do that 3) TJ decided to save the bottoms instead of his alliance members for some reason 4) Duncan thought he could do the most and veto my immunity to “save” Jordan only to get Devon to do it instead so his hands are clean 5) Autumn and Duncan tried to control the entire round 6) Jordan thought he could pull a fast one on Autumn by approaching people to blindside her despite not building connections with a lot of players… BASICALLY, people need to humble themselves a bit. I understand that in these games, everyone thinks they are the smartest person here but like… these people tried to have their cake, ate it too, and then threw it up and caused a mess. It’s just… wow (‘:

While I would love to blindside Autumn soon, I’ve wanted Jordan Pines out since I got to the merge because he is a dangerous player. Going into the round, I didn’t see it as a possibility given that I alongside Autumn and Amir were the only people to feel like Jordan should leave. But now? He’s Public Enemy #1 and I’m all for it. Getting Jordan out helps me a lot because now I can possibly have TJ on my side, Autumn trusts me now more than ever, Jakey and I are getting closer, Duncan did all this craziness only to have the person he tried to save leave so he’s a target, and yeah… it just is in my best interest to do so so that’s what I plan on doing.

Ngl, I played victim this round because everything that has happened to me has been because of me being scapegoated in one way or another. Granted, I did tell Kendall and Amir to place me low on their lists but I’m sure I was #8 because of the Beauty trio. In a way, I’m using that to my advantage. Even Duncan deciding to veto my immunity and not Jordan’s has been something I’ve capitalized on a lot this round and I think that decision by Duncan is what turned the tides against him ultimately. Strangely, this round has been super amazing for me? yay?

The amount of TEA I have been given this round is insane. I know Amir has an idol, Devon has a double vote, Adam has a challenge advantage & he got to talk to the prejury, the existence of the TJ/Jordan/Duncan/Autumn alliance, I was the first Beauty Jordan approached to get Autumn out, Autumn told me that if she leaves she wants Amir or I to win, I was pulled into an alliance with Autumn/Devon/Amir/myself, Adam and I agreed Amir is dangerous so Adam wants me here more than Amir, and Jakey told me about the Tops group chat when it was made and told me everything that happened there (same with Autumn). I’ve been a tea collector this round and I’m not mad at all. While I love Amir, I do fear that our games are a little too intertwined and that if I sit next to him at the end, I’ll lose badly… but I think people also seem him as a major target so in a way he’s a shield? I need to find a way to separate myself gameplay-wise. I do think I’ve done a lot for our partnership (it was my connection to Devon and my connection to Autumn that got us in these good positions) so yeah we’ll see… I just want to win yknow ;-; love Amir sooooooo much tho

im gonna write a longer one in a bit but the summary rn is jordan pines can legit go peace out and send his white male rage somewhere else im not about to listen to him get mad at me when he wanted to blindside me this round like... get that energy somewhere else im not the one

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH THEY WERE GONNA MAKE ADAM CAPTAIN AND WE PUSHED FOR IT TO A BRAWN AND NOW BRAWN IS MAD AT BRAIN IM GOING TO TRY AND FINESSE IMMUNITY OUT OF THIS

okay okay so basically, ewkjfnekwfnew i spent all morning not wanting them to vote adam as a captain, and then for my list, i basically got multiple people to rig my position, aka devon jakey and augusto to put me mid low, and tried to make ppl put brain + ali at the top. now the lists are exposed, adam wants to work with me again, and ppl are scared of brawn + ali. I am trying to make that i can win immunity this round, and then i can shut my mouth and these people can fuck each other up so PLEASAAAAAAASEEEE LET ME WIN IMMUNITY

So here we go let me spill some tea about these people, so last round, I had devon come to me and tell me that Adam said my name, Liam was the vote for me, and many people were entertaining it and were purposely leaving me on read. Like for the entire first round, Adam liam tj jordan and Ali all didn’t make a single effort to talk any game with me. This round comes around, and it’s a damn trust list when I’m currently in the most notorious beauty threesome of all time, and Ik it’s not gonna go well cuz everyone wants us out cuz me kendall and Augusto are so prettty and they r jealous But early on in the morning, autumn wants to call, and we do, and she’s like let’s make Jordan the captain vote, which makes sense cuz that’s what jakey and Augusto told me the night prior, so like all good I agree to make the captain Jordan. Basically, being the captain in this, SUCKS, cuz u won’t win immunity and u piss off 4 people, so miss autumn, hangs up on me to call other people and suddenly tj, who mind you is doing his LSAT exam, comes back to autumn and Duncan making him the vote for the captain. They fucked him OVER LMAO, and then the trust list comes out, and allllll the beauties and jordan on the bottom, and alllll the brains at the top with Ali and jakey . So suddenly, tj has a change of heart and he messaged me about how wants to get to know the beauties better, and he cuts the tops and the bottoms live. But like, Duncan autumn tj and Jordan literallt had an alliance and the they fucked him over so like Dkndkdndkd Anyway, the immunity challenge is happening, jakey and Devon help me win immunity discretely, And now I’m IMMUNEEEEE I suddenly love this crackhead competition , and with the list order, everyone can tell the brains are playing ALL SIDES. So adam and I finally decide to talk cuz we’re both at the bottom, and I’m like okay sis are we good, and he’s like I heard some shit and I was just really honest about early hathor and I think him and I are okay rn?? So like that’s good for me, So me and adam are safe, and all hell breaks loose, cuz Jordan apparently was super convinced with his safety but autumn and Duncan cut them out of the competition. Duncan was so shady about it, he actually asked devon to do it, and he decided to do Augusto, so like Duncan’s way of being loyal to Jordan is to tell someone else to do it so he’s being extremely messy. He’s not telling me about his alliance STILL, playing dumb with me, So autumn calls me and she IS POPPINGGGGG OFFFFFFF and dragging the 2 white boys from brawn to FILTH, and organizes this entire plan for them to think it’s between tj and Duncan, but we tell them autumn, and then we all vote Jordan. Jakey tried to make it duncan but I refuse, because Duncan is necessary to be against Ali and Duncan’s whole ass game is blown up now. No one trusts him, so I want him here. and jakey was like fine hehe and honestly okay I love jakey so much, like I plan on being loyal for as long as he’s loyal to me but I feel like he’d cut me in a couple rounds. Rn we are tight tho and we tell each other everything. Augusto and Kendall AND I MIGHT MAKE IT ANOTHER ROUND LMFAOOO DKDJDKNDD, And the MESSIEST PART OF TODAY IS HOW AUTUMN GOT US FROM POINT A TO POINT B. Like she literally woke up, fucked over tj, then cut the brawn out of the comp, and then felt betrayed by them, for her fucking them over, and has now taken control of the game. Like I’m just gonna say, she betrayed her alliance with brawn and she’s starting to work with me and Augusto and for that I fuckin love her. She’s also super cool I’ll do a merge cast analysis next round Anyway yeah good night love y’all xoxoxox

okay so today jordan calls me and hes like heyyyyyy sisterrrr lets all vote autumn and i say ok ok lets do it, but in my head im like nonononoonon, cuz jordan has spent 5 days talking about getting my out, and he literally doesnt even have the votes so i cant consider this cuz jakey isnt down at all, he simply doesnt have the numbers, so the plan is me tj jakey augusto kendall jordan vote autumn but we all rat on jordan, so everyone is suppose to split on jordan and tj but someone ratted to them and now no one is paying attention to me as much LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOO ps, jordan pines, i really really do like u and enjoy talking to u and i would love to get to know u after the game <3 , im still gonna slit your throat tho, sorry for that

okay so tonight jordan pines is going to jury. drew in my host chat said "i hate when my faves fight" and let it be known. im not going to fight jordan, im going to send him to jury so he can complain there. his rage and aggression im not in the mood to deal with. its crazy how jordan brought the tribe together and his reign of terror tribe calls are not working. you cant come at people with rage, when your whole strategy has revolved around treating people like your pawns. like you treated this like chess but the one in checkmate is you. cut to me being voted out but im sick of jordan and his attitude, this is a game in a serious time in the world. its coronavirus quarantine and portraying everyone as literal satan is fucked up and i have zero time for it so. he can take his bad energy to being the world's most bitter juror. i really liked jordan, but this was a really toxic ugly side that came out tonight and i hate it

this lil challenge yall came up with it? I'm not with it https://drive.google.com/open?id=1K3cO8KqOtvKoz6bPPlZ1IoTgrBWY5-7-

if yall dont come get Jordan Pines so I don't beat his ass because I wish he would pipe up to me. He got all the kids scared but not me. Bitch this vote is solid and you wouldn't be doing the most if you could save yourself so bloop. Ali ain't flipping, Devon ain't flipping, Jakey ain't flipping, and the POC's ain't flipping so you can have TJ and the little vote steal cause that's all you got. Wait til Duncan walks in and find out Jordan is trying to put the vote on him he'll really vote his ass out Fuck an idol- if it gets played it gets played but it's not like he's getting to the end so if I walk into jury, so be it. Maybe I'll actually get to finish Cagayan since every time I get hooked in an episode, some fuckery goes down in Akhmim. ALSO WHO THE FUCK SNITCHED???? WE HAD TWO AND A HALF HOURS TO GO YOU SNAKE. I bet it was Duncan or Kendall cause they're the only ones messy enough to still be up Jordan's ass after aaaaaallll of this. Devon really thought about flipping because Jordan promised him he'd reveal the rat if Devon voted with him. Girl really?? https://giphy.com/gifs/oxygenmedia-bad-girls-club-bgc-bgc10-10hUQ2QszsZ75S I'm so sick of these white boys I don't know what to do. Get back in line!!! You don't want the smoke and you know it!!! That's why Jordan's dumbass is trying to switch targets cause it's rock. solid. over here. And it's gonna stay that way too! We can kill Duncan on Thursday but tonight?? We ARE doing Jordan Pines, no I'm not taking any questions at this time. Fuck you mean "I'm tempted?" Bitch I'll end you right here right now. Tribal is minutes away so for fuck's sake stick to the damn plan. And when he goes, we got some things to discuss

today was such a hot mess, first someone leaks the plan to vote jordan out, to jordan, first of all how DARE them because THEY BEAT ME TO IT......ok i dont know if i actually wouldve but i was considering spilling the beans which is why im surprised someone else did, as soon as this happens gorl MY messages were blowing up me and autumn messaged each other at the same time like BITCH DO YOU SEE THIS HASFDKJ but anywho it was actually sad, jordan gave me good tea in the game, so i did try and create a new plan to vote duncan out, because at first jordan wanted to do autumn but i said i didnt want to do that now, maybe eventually, but not now. She helped me win the immunity so i think she genuinely wants to work with me at least for now, but im no dummy i know she's a huge threat, and im well aware that's a move that ill eventually most likely need to make even though she is easily my favorite person to talk to next to augusto/devon/amir/jakey just on like personal levels, but.... ask jakey, im loyal as long as youre not a threat to me, but the minute you become a threat, their aint no team in i ... or whatever the saying is, but yeah i said no to autumn NOW, and i said if you want me to vote with you, help me get the votes to get DUNCAN since i know he's playing everyone and targetting me directly... it almost worked, but jordan making some of the other people feel some type of way hurt him and my chances of pulling this off because in the end i couldnt risk making that move without some of those people on board because i wouldnt want to sever my loyalties to them let alone blindside them (just yet at least), and that would have also forced me on a side with tj and kendall whom i just havent completely clicked with in the game nothing against them tho, but we'll see if im next out then i deserve it for not making a move i just hope i have time to make my move still i think im doing maybe decent at trying to recover from the stupidest move of the game thus far being my POORLY thought out lie, me always quoting sandra "ill lie, but ill make up a GOOD lie.." in my head 24/7 really did not come through on that one... but anywho, devon has told me some piping hot tea, that he has the extra vote, ali has since he told me he has the nullifier, even kendall has made amends with me and ive never had a true problem with anyone personally but kendall was against me strategically and i think on call we at least cleaned the slate for now? ill probably still vote her out next round but at least i wont feel as bad but duncan....oh duncan, sweet duncan, while i adore you as a person, i dont adore you lying right to my face when i straight up asked if you wanted me out originally, when both jordan AND autumn have told me what you been up to sis.... ask my fellow beautys i can hold a grudge so dont poke the bear! and not only that but i will start plotting getting you out and that's 100% the move i want to make next if i have any say in it. Because i think everyone sees now that he's trying to play everyone and recover from his own foolish move of getting exposed from his alliance... so now that i cant believe a word you say, you can no longer believe a word i say! We can keep chatting it up and acting like bestie boos and i do genuinely like him, but from a game point his usefulness has run up. but who knows, im just the local town fool to these people, which is fine because at least i can acknowledge i am but ill probably just be voted out next fajdsk especially if my theory about duncan/jakey being in kahoots is true but guess we'll see

Okayyyyy soooo I have been socializing! It's pretty hit or miss! Ali and I talked briefly in the morning he showed me his doggo, she was absolutely precious. 10 out of 10 lost beauty tribe member will sacrifice my game for her. I talked it out with Jakey, while I don't trust him as far as I can throw him, I feel better about our relationship. Like I said I have better things to do then hate someone because of a game and I feel better knowing that he doesn't hate me on a personal level and vice versa. My call with Duncan was very informative. Turns out Scott and Duncan were the duo rather than Autumn and Duncan and the entire Devon situation wasn't as convolutedly stupid as I had initially thought. Devon I'm so sorry I called you stupid many times in these confessionals I meant it affectionally but I guess you really aren't lol. I am so sorry you are not stupid maybe game botty but you aren't dumb!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He also agreed to work with us, I don't know if that means he's going to vote out a Brawn this round but he will probably keep me around if only for a spare vote. I tried messaging Liam to see if we can call... he hasn't message me back. It's been day... goddamnit Liam... Adam has been talking smack about me, Augusto, and Amir. Which fair enough I guess, we did try to kill him early in the game. But between us and the NuHathor, you'd think we'd be the better option to work with? Idk, Duncan said he'd talk to him but I don't hold out too much hope. I like talking to TJ quite a bit, he reminds me of Jimmy from Malaysia. He's pretty quick witted and a fun conversationalist. God I miss Jimmy :(. If worst comes to worse I really hope my fantastic personality will help me get out of this shit hole. 

[makumii]

Answers to last rb - End of Year Meme

First things first, did you have a good year? kinda???? it sure was interesting and the first half sucked balls..

How old did you turn this year? 21

Do you feel your age? I feel 14 and 36 at the same time - it sure is fun to be alive

Did your appearance change in anyway? finally dyed my hair again! (currently blue) Also ears pierced in december

Post your favorite selfie. jokes on u i dont make selfies

If you traveled, where did you go? spent a week in cologne at a friends place for gamescom and another week in the middle of austria on a farm! (vacation - wooohoo)

Which fashion trends did you love? i dont even know any trends that occured this year help

Which fashion trends did you hate? see above

What was your favorite article of clothing this year? Post a pic if possible? very recent but that one fancy black coat i got myself for christmas (https://www.emp.at/p/malphas/397063.html)

What song sums up this year for you? Breathin - Ariana Grande but the Thomas Sanders cover

What album came out and has been on heavy rotation since then? i dont even know what got releassed this year what is timeee

What was your favorite movie of the year? HOOOO boy okay: Klaus, Frozen 2, Joker and that’s about all that i remember

Did an actor/actress catch your attention for the first time this year? not really, i didnt have my eyes on many new faces this year

Favorite new TV show? She Ra probably?? Again, nothing overly new on that side |D Also not rly a TV show but I super got into critical role

Which new ship/fandom has taken over a lot of your time, attention, and tears? Entrapdak all the way - those two basically killed me Also Critical Role (thanks B.) -> I’m only 40 episodes in the second campaign but BOY am I deep in

What food did you try for the first time? none as far as i’m aware?

Did you make any big permanent changes this year? uhhhhh i think my confidence got a boost in the second half of the year so i think that counts? Also ear piercings

What was one nice thing you did for someone else? sponsored an entire Christmas market visit for my best bro (Food and souvenirs included)

What was one nice thing you did for yourself? as cruel as it sounds, i broke up with my boyfriend which was quite freeing Also finally dyed hair again and I am LIVING

Did you develop a new obsession? Critical Role |D

Did you vote? Yeap

Did you move? Nope, but I might move out in 2020

Did you get a job? already had one, but thanks for asking <3

Did you get a pet? nope, only plushies

Do you regret not doing anything? OH Y E A H - there’s a bunch of things (not dancing with my maybe-crush at the christmas party, not breaking up sooner with my bf, and some other things i won’T remember rn but I am the master of not doing things and regretting it afterwards)

Do you regret doing something? probably, but i currently don’t remember; I’ll probably think of it during my next breakdown

Have you done anything that scared you? nope, didn’t do it because i was scared and now I regret not doing it |D

Did anyone/thing make you so mad it stayed with you for days? I don’t really get mad? But the biggest ball of negative emotions was caused by my breakup

Did you lose anyone close to you? my ex! we broke up and he didn’t want to stay in touch so there’s that

Did you fall in love? actually i might have; still working on figuring that shit out

Did you fall out of love? nope; even tho we only broke up this year it’s been over for me since the end of 2018

Did you start a new relationship? no, but there might be something in the works???????? IDK what to make of this situation

Did you go through a break up? ohhhh yeah - and it wasn’T as bad as expected (we already had a big major breakup at the end of 2018 so i already was prepared for the ‘final’ one)

Did you have to cut ties to someone? It wasn’t my choice unfortunately

Who was important to you this year but wasn’t important last year? the first person that came to my mind was important last year too so idk? no new people in my life

Who wasn’t as important to you this year as they were last year? my ex (I love how he’s in most of the answers lmaoo)

If you could have a do over on one thing you did, would you take it? heck yeah! if i had the chance to dance with that one dude?? I’d say yes immediately (he was kinda disappointed i said no so I SHOULDVE SAID YES)

What was the best moment of the year for you? have to name a few actually: - christmas party at work (including a mario kart tournament) - gamescom (and staying at a good friend’s place for a week!!) - christmas dinner at my granny’s bc i finally got to get back to my second half of the family) - my almost 1.0 GPA at school

What was the worst? - breakup (even if it wasn’t as bad, it still sucked) - my almost 1.0 GPA (SO CLOSE sklhgfsdköfjhskdö)

Did anything happen that you were sure would change you as a person but it really didn’t? - the break up -> but i guess since i saw it comming it didn’t have as much power over me - a certain thing i might’ve done last year around christmas but wasn’t as bad as it seemed?? it’s all chill and just showed me some things about me that i wasn’t as certain of

Did anything happen to you that you were sure wouldn’t change you as a person but it did? actually no?? not that im aware of - okay maybe the maybe-crush accidentally helped me with my self confidence but uhhh idk if that counts or sth

What are you most proud of accomplishing? some sort of SELF WORTH got out of a toxic relationship

What have you learned about yourself this year that you didn’t know in the years prior? idk next

Did your opinion of anyone change for the better? honestly i don’t know, i still love my friends and no one is better off all of a sudden? idkkkk

Did your opinion of anyone change for worse? nope not that i’m aware of

If you make resolutions, did you complete them this year? even if i did make some I don’t remember them oops

If you make resolutions, what will your resolutions be for the coming year? maybe draw more? get back into piano playing? something like this also v important: 2020 me, dont let others ruin your self worth any further!!!!!! GO AND ROCK THOSE CLOTHES!!!!!!!!

If you could go on an adventure during the remaining days of the year, where would you go and what would you do?  Who would you go this? I’m perfectly content here at home - the most adventurous I’d do is going to a friend’s place or something

What do you wish for others for the coming year? Lot’s of love and happiness, I wish for everyone to find their family and being able to surround themselves with people they love and that care about them!

What do you wish for yourself? That I stop being such a scared lil shit Srsly, if smn cute wants to dance with you u better say yes!!!!! Also that I can find more parts of my true self

[lidghad-blog]

This day two weeks ago

This day two weeks ago. I’m 21. Just bought a new car, I have a job with great money, friends all well and a boyfriend I’d walk on glass for. This day two weeks ago I was feeling unstoppable. This day two weeks ago, I was happy. I shop for anniversary gifts, I’m eating like I’ve never seen food before, I’m studying about dogs (amazing, I know). I’m planning my next date to the cinema. I’ve bought popcorn and jerky for himself for our movie night. This day two weeks ago, life was perfect. This day a week ago. An old friend passed away. Im in my bed, not wanting to move. My head is filled with sorrow thoughts, distant primary memories. My phone in my hand, yet no messages. I’m alone. I text the one person I trust for help. I’m let down. The usual with this person. I shouldve known. ‘I love you and I miss you’ I receive yet no desire to help take my mind of what I’m feeling or rather what I’m not feeling. I’m numb. This day a week ago, I was depressed. This day a week ago, I decide what black clothing to wear to a 22 year olds funeral. This day a week ago, I needed you. Someone. Anyone. And this day a week ago, I was let down. I would go on another three days, feeling alone. In my car, driving roads I’ve been on before, but not by myself. After nearly landing my car on its roof, I decide to pull in to a beach, roll down my window and listen to the waves. I’m alone. I count each wave and act as if it’s therapy, just for me. That no one else can hear them. Then I break down. Why am I alone in my car crying. This day two weeks ago, I was happy, I had love, I had it all. Why is this happening. I start my car, tears still in my eyes and a fuzzy head from the bawling. I don’t remember that drive home. I don’t remember the day. I’m a wreck but play it down to the person I trust. ‘If I told it all, I’d scare them away’ I say to myself. I did that anyway. I’m dumped, after two years of my life was given to them, I was dumped through a text. A text is what I longed for of them. A text asking if I’m okay. Not this kind of text. I’ve never considered myself very smart anyway, but in this moment, I’ve never felt like such an embarrassed stupid fool. Last week, I was told I’m loved and missed and this week it’s I don’t want you anymore. This is definitely what it’s like to be depressed. And after two years of messaging, silence. I lay in bed, not hearing a thing. Not feeling a thing. Numb. A month and a half ago, I lay with you by a pool, this week I lay alone. I awake to do my 10 hour shift. I walk through the doors, smelling the food and coffee I’m familiar with. A coworker, a dear friend, offering me a hug, knowing by my voice I was not good. A hug I clenched on to. A hug I wanted the past two weeks. He says ‘I’m here’. Something I wanted for two weeks. Naturally I bawl and naturally all I get is concern for the rest of the day. Is this what love actually feels like? I start my shift. My mind that was filled with questionable thoughts, now filled with customers orders who knew nothing about my past week. Although work, it’s a way to forget. To be someone else for the day. The next day I open shop. Normally two people open but it was just me this morning. Me alone. I carry out the chairs and tables in the rain. Something I hated about opening in Autumn. The rain. But this morning, I found comfort in it. I spot a snail and stare like a 4 year old child in disbelief that something this small and slow exists. Is it sad if I say, with a snail, I didn’t feel alone? That’s to the point where I’ve gotten? Jaysus.... A day ago. I go out with a best friend. I walk into her room and no ‘hi’ or ‘hello’ first. It’s ‘how are you’, shocked, I sit down and say ‘fine’. A week of hell, and I’m finally asked them 3 words I wanted. I needed. ‘How are you’. The evening goes on as I fill my glass with vodka, starting to feel the stress falling off my shoulders. In the taxi, I’m singing songs and dancing with a friend. I’m feeling...happy. We get to the bar and it’s buzzing with people and music. We walk in, to be met by the rest of the group. 10 or 15 people. I don’t feel alone. Everybody dancing, I’m pulled in, I’m spun around and danced with. I’m the centre of attention to someone for the first time in the past while. In the middle of everyone, laughing, being spun and dipped. Before this night, I go out, feeling a bit gross and self conscious. I walk into this cocktail bar. I’m told ‘you’re special, I can tell’ , I’m approached ‘you’re easily the most stunning and fun looking girl in this place’. Yet these are strangers that don’t know me. I’m feeling...to be honest, I’m feeling mixed emotions. I’ve never had such attention like this in the past two years. I felt guilt. I felt shocked that someone saw me as special. I felt...numb?. I awake. With a headache. But something strange to me. I awake to three messages ‘Are you safe?’ ‘Did you get home okay?’ ‘You okay?’ Another from an American reading ‘it was amazing to meet someone as bright and funny yet beautiful as you, keep in touch’. Another reading ‘it was lovely to meet you Lydia, seem like a bit of craic!’ And another reading ‘We never spoke but from afar I was admiring your spirit and beauty’. I felt honestly yeah I’m gonna say it again, but I felt numb. I don’t get compliments. I don’t get these kind of comments. But after all this. They aren’t from the person I want them to be from. I then went back into a hole of darkness and lay In bed all day. My third day not eating. My third day not drinking water. My friends when asked described me as ‘Bubbely, beautiful and kind’. Myself? I’d describe me as depressed. But I’ve learnt, that’s okay. With mental health awareness week, I’m not the only one. I’m not okay. And I won’t be for a long time. But that’s okay. This day a week ago, my life changed. This day a week ago, I became depressed. Today I learn, that’s okay.