#there may or may not end up being a follow up to this

[onelastkiss4you]

Dragon Age: The Veilguard Just Went From A Good RPG To One Of BioWare’s Most Important Games

In light of BioWare scattering some of its most foundational veteran talent to the winds, Dragon Age: The Veilguard sure reads like something made by people who saw the writing on the wall. The RPG leaves off on a small cliffhanger that could launch players into a fifth game, but I’m skeptical that we’ll ever get it. The quickness with which publisher Electronic Arts gutted BioWare and masked it with talk of being more “agile” and “focused” shortly after it was revealed The Veilguard underperformed in the eyes of the power that be makes me wonder if BioWare was also unsure it would get to return to Thedas a fifth time. Looking back, I’m pretty convinced the team was working as if Rook’s adventure through the northern regions of this beloved fantasy world might be the last time anyone, BioWare or fan, stepped foot in it. But that may have only made me appreciate the game even more.

Yeah, I might be doomsaying, but there’s a lot of reasons to do so right now. The loss of talented people like lead writer Trick Weekes, who has been a staple in modern BioWare since the beginning of Mass Effect, or Mary Kirby who wrote characters like Varric, the biggest throughline through the Dragon Age series, doesn’t inspire confidence that EA understands the lifeblood of the studio it acquired in 2007. The Veilguard has been a divisive game for entirely legitimate reasons and the most bad-faith ones you can imagine on the internet in 2025, but my hope is that history will be kinder to it as time goes on. 

A Kotaku reader reached out to me after the news broke to ask if they should still play The Veilguard after everything that happened. My answer was that now we are probably in a better position to appreciate it for what it was: a (potentially) final word.

The Veilguard is just as much a send-off for a long-running story as it does a stepping stone for what (might) come. Its secret ending implies a new threat is lurking somewhere off in the distance but by and large, The Veilguard is about the end of an era. BioWare created an entire questline essentially writing Thedas’ history in stone, removing any ambiguity that gave life to over a decade of theory-crafting. As a long-time player, I’m glad The Veilguard solidifies the connective tissue between what sometimes felt like world of isolated cultures that lacked throughlines that made the world feel whole. But sitting your cast of weirdos down for a series of group therapy sessions unpacking the ramifications of some of the biggest lore dumps the studio has ever put to a Bluray disc isn’t the kind of narrative choice you make if you’re confident there’s still a future for the franchise. 

Unanswered questions are the foundation of sequels, and The Veilguard has an almost anxious need to stamp those out. Perhaps BioWare learned a hard lesson by leaving Dragon Age: Inquisition on a cliffhanger and didn’t want to repeat the same restriction. But The Veilguard doesn’t just wrap up its own story, it concludes several major threads dating back to Origins and feels calculated and deliberate. If BioWare’s goal with The Veilguard was to bring almost everything to a definitive end, the thematic note it leaves this world on acts as a closing graf summing up a thesis the series hopes to convey.

Pushing away the bigotry that has followed The Veilguard like a starving rat digging through trash, one of the most common criticisms I heard directed against the game was that it lacked a certain thorny disposition that was prevalent in the first three games. Everyone in the titular party generally seems to like each other, there aren’t real ethical and philosophical conflicts between the group, and the spats that do arise are more akin to the arguments you probably get into with your best friends. It’s a new dynamic for the series. The Veilguard doesn’t feel like coworkers as The Inquisition did or the disparate group who barely tolerated each other we followed in Dragon Age II. They are a friend group who, despite coming from different backgrounds, factions, and places, are pretty much on the same page about what the world should be. They’re united by a common goal, sure, but at the core of each of their lived experiences is a desire for the world to be better.

This rose-colored view of leftism doesn’t work for everyone. At its worst, The Veilguard can be saccharine to the point of giving you a cavity, which is far from what people have come to expect from a series in which Fenris and Anders didn’t care if the other lived or died. It also bleeds into a perceived softening of the universe. Factions like the Antivan Crows have essentially become the Bat Family with no mention of the whole child slavery thing that was our first introduction to them back in Origins. The Lords of Fortune, a new pirate faction, goes to great lengths to make sure you know that they’re not like the other pirates who steal from other cultures, among other things. I joked to a friend once that The Veilguard is a game terrified of getting canceled, and as such a lot of the grit and grime has been washed off for something shiny and polished. 

That is the more critical lens to view the way The Veilguard’s sanitation of Thedas. To an extent, I agree. We learned so much about how the enigmatic country of the Tevinter Imperium was a place built upon slavery and blood sacrifice, only for us to conveniently hang out in the common poverty-stricken areas that are affected by the corrupt politics we only hear about in sidequests and codex entries. But decisions like setting The Veilguard’s Tevinter stories in the slums of Dogtown gives the game and its writers a place to make a more definitive statement, rather than existing in the often frustrating centrism Dragon Age loved to tout for three games.

I have a lot of pain points I can shout out in the Dragon Age series, but I don’t think one has stuck in my craw the way the end of Anders rivalry relationship goes down in Dragon Age II. This is a tortured radical mage who is willing to give his life to fight for the freedom of those who have been born into a corrupt system led by the policing Templars. And yet, if you’ve followed his rivalry path, Anders will turn against the mages he, not five minutes ago, did some light terrorism trying to free. In Inquisition, this conflict of ideals and traditions comes to a head, but you’re able to essentially wipe it all under the rug as you absorb one faction or the other into your forces. So often Dragon Age treats its conflicts and worldviews as toys for the player to slam against one another, shaping the world as they see fit, and bending even the most fiercely devoted radical to your whims. And yes, there are some notable exceptions to this rule, but when it came to world-shifting moments of change, Dragon Age always seemed scared to assert that the player might be wrong. Mages and Templars, oppressed and oppressors, were the same in the eyes of the game, each worthy of the same level of scrutiny.

Before The Veilguard, I often felt Dragon Age didn’t actually believe in anything. Its characters did, but as a text, Dragon Age often felt so preoccupied with empowering the player’s decisions that it felt like Thedas would never actually get better, no matter how much you fought for it. While it may lack the same prickly dynamics and the grey morality that became synonymous with the series, The Veilguard’s doesn’t just believe that the world is full of greys and let you pick which shade you’re more comfortable with. It’s the most wholeheartedly the Dragon Age universe has declared that the world of Thedas can be better than it was before.

Essentially retconning the Antivan Crows to a family of superheroes is taking a hammer to the problem, whereas characters like Neve Gallus, a mage private eye with a duty-bound love for her city and its people, are the scalpel with which BioWare shifts its vision of how the world of Thedas can change. Taash explores their identity through the lens of Dragon Age’s longstanding Qunari culture, known for its rigidness in the face of an ever-changing world, and comes out the other end a new person, defined entirely by their own views and defying others. Harding finds out the truth behind how the dwarves were severed from magic and still remembers that she believes in the good in people. The heroes of The Veilguard have seen the corruption win out, and yet never stop believing that something greater is possible. It's not even an option in The Veilguard's eyes. The downtrodden will be protected, the oppressed will live proudly, and those who have been wronged will find new life.

That belief is what makes The Veilguard a frustrating RPG, to some. It’s so unyielding in its belief that Thedas and everyone who inhabits it can be better that it doesn’t really entertain you complicating the narrative. Rook can come from plenty of different backgrounds, make decisions that will affect thousands of people, but they can never really be an evil bastard. If they did, it would fundamentally undermine one of the game’s most pivotal moments. In the eleventh hour, Dragon Age mainstay Varric Tethras is revealed to have died in the opening hour, and essentially leaves all his hopes and dreams on the shoulders of Rook. After our hero is banished to the Fade and forced to confront their regrets in a mission gone south, Varric’s spirit sends Rook on their way to save the day one last time. He does so with a hearty chuckle, saying he doesn’t need to wish you good luck because “you already have everything you need.” He is, of course, referring to the friends you have calling to you from beyond the Fade. 

Varric, the narrator of Dragon Age, uses his final word to declare a belief that things will be okay. This isn’t because Rook is the chosen one destined to save the world, but because they have found people who are unified by one thing: a need to fight for a better world. But that’s what makes it compelling as a possibly final Dragon Age game. Reaching the end of a universe’s arc and being wholly uninterested in leaving it desecrated by hubris or prejudice is a bold claim on BioWare’s part. It takes some authorship away from the player, but in return, it leaves the world of Thedas in a better place than we found it.

The Veilguard is an idealistic game, but it’s one that BioWare has earned the right to make. Dragon Age’s legacy has been one of constantly shifting identity, at least two counts of development hell, and a desire to gives players a sandbox to roleplay in. Perhaps, as Dragon Age likely comes to a close, it’s better to leave Dragon Age with a game as optimistic as the people who made it. I can’t think of a more appropriate finale than one that represents the world its creators hope to see, even as the world we live in now gives us every reason to fall to despair.

In my review for The Veilguard I signed off expressing hope for BioWare’s future that feels a bit naive in retrospect. Would a divisive but undeniably polished RPG that felt true to the studio’s history be enough when, after 10 years of development, rich suits were probably looking for a decisive cultural moment? That optimism was just about a video game. Having lived through the past 32 years, most of the optimism I’ve ever held feels naive to look back on. I think I’m losing hope that the world will get any better. But even if we haven’t reached The Veilguard’s idealized vision, I’ll take some comfort in knowing someone previously at BioWare still believes it’s possible. - ken shepard, shepardcdr.bsky.social

[prokopetz]

You know a lot about the cultural influences behind various aspects of D&D, so: do you know the origins of the thing in 3.5 where it seems like a main way they want you to play as a psionic warrior is to grow massive claws and get breath weapons? It's so specific and out of left field for a "warrior who uses the power of the mind" that I've always wondered.

Much of 3E's handling of psionics closely follows material presented in the 2E supplement The Complete Psionics Handbook, which, contra later editions' habit of treating psionics as a variant of wizardly magic, presents psionics as a totally separate and mutually incompatible thing. One feature of this treatment is psionics having its own distinct set of "schools", or disciplines: clairsentience, psychokinesis, psychometabolism, psychoportation, telepathy, and metapsionics.

The 3E psionic warrior stuff is a more or less direct port of the discipline of psychometabolism; I can only presume that this is because it's the most "fightery" of the Psionics Handbook disciplines, though I can't back that guess up. Apart from your cited examples, other psychometabolic powers presented here include self-healing; energy absorption; turning into animals, objects, or living shadows; wuxia-style "lightfoot" techniques; camouflage; shrinking or expanding; stretching one's limbs Mister Fantastic style; and others.

Of course, that just kicks the can further down the road: if the 3E psionic warrior is a port of 2E's psychometabolism specialist, where the heck did 2E get the idea for the discipline of psychometabolism? The general idea of shape-shifting and fire-breathing and such being psychic powers that can be cultivated through mental discipline pops up in quite a few places, but we're looking for a specific constellation of tropes, not isolated instances of little bits and pieces of it.

The Complete Psionics Handbook helpfully includes a comprehensive bibliography of its inspirations (remember when Dungeons & Dragons used to have those?), though I'm unacquainted with most of the books it cites, so that's where my ability to help in this respect ends. I'll include a copy of that bibliography under the cut, though – maybe one of this blog's followers can point out which of its entries, if any, might be most directly informative.

Taken from page 113 ("Related Reading") of The Complete Psionics Handbook:

Fiction

Bester, Alfred; The Demolished Man, The Stars My Destination.

Bradley, Marion Zimmer; Darkover series: The Bloody Sun, Children of Hastur, Darkover Landfall, The Forbidden Tower, Hawkmistress!, The Heritage of Hastur, The Keeper's Price, The Planet Savers, Sharra's Exile, The Shattered Chain, The Spell Sword, Star of Danger, Stormqueen!, The Sword of Aldones, Thendara House, Two to Conquer, The Winds of Darkover, The World Wreckers.

Brunner, John; The Whole Man.

Del Rey, Lester; Pstalemate.

Henderson, Zenna; The People, The People: No Different, Holding Wonder.

Foster, Alan Dean; Flinx series.

King, Stephen; The Dead Zone.

Kurtz, Katherine; Deryni Rising, Deryni Checkmate, High Deryni.

May, Julian; Saga of the Pliocene Exile series: The Many-Colored Land, The Golden Torc, The Non-Born King, The Adversary.

Nourse, Alan E.; Psi High and Others.

Pohl, Frederik; Drunkard's Walk.

Russell, Eric Frank; The Mindwarpers.

Robinson. Frank M.; The Power.

Schmitz, James H.; The Universe Against Her, The Lion Game, stories.

Simmons, Dan; Carrion Comfort.

Sturgeon, Theodore; The Synthetic Man.

Tucker, Wilson; Wild Talent.

Van Vogt, A.E.; Slan.

Zelazny, Roger; Creatures of Light and Darkness, The Dream Master, Lord of Light, lsle of the Dead, This Immortal, To Die in ltalbar.

Nonfiction

Brookesmith, Peter (ed.); Strange Talents, from the series "The Unexplained: Mysteries of Mind, Space, and Time;" Orbis Publishing, London, 1983.

Index of Possibilities: Energy and Power; Pantheon Books/Random House, New York, New York, 1974.

Mind Over Matter, Powers of Healing, Psychic Powers, Psychic Voyages, from the series "Mysteries of the Unknown;" Time-Life Books, Alexandria, Virginia, 1987.

Puharich, Andrija; Beyond Telepathy; Anchor Press/Doubleday, Garden City, New York, 1973.

Rhine, J.B.; The Reach of the Mind; William Sloane Associates, New York, New York, 1947.

[peter-pantomime]

While the description change is alarming, the piece itself changing in material and display format is part of its nature intended by the artist. From Wikipedia:

"Untitled" (Portrait of Ross in L.A.) is a work of art by Félix González-Torres (or Felix Gonzalez-Torres), currently in the collection of the Art Institute of Chicago in Chicago, United States. The work is one of the twenty "candy works" in Gonzalez-Torres's oeuvre. The candy works are manifestable; the artworks are not physically permanent, they can exist in more than one place at a time and can vary from one installation to the next in response to the decisions made by the exhibitor, the interactions of audiences, and changing circumstances. This candy work has an ideal weight of 175 pounds (79 kg), representing González-Torrés' partner Ross Laycock.

A manifestation of "Untitled" (Portrait of Ross in L.A.) consists of a pile of candies individually wrapped in variously colored wrappers. Viewers are permitted to choose to take a piece of candy from the work and the caption states that there is an “endless supply” of candies.

The specific type of candy used to manifest the work, the initial choice of configuration and overall size and shape of a particular manifestation of the work are decided by the exhibitor. The candy works have been exhibited as rectangular carpets of candies, heaped in the corners of exhibition spaces, spread across the floor in organic arrangements and shaped into mounds on the ground, etc.

While the ideal weight of the work is a constant, the actual weight of the candies used to manifest the work is always in flux. The amount of candy changes as exhibitors make decisions about the weight that is initially installed, viewers choose to take candies from the work, and whether the candy is allowed to diminish and/or is replenished over the course of an exhibition. In one specific installation, art handlers at the Art Institute of Chicago recalled that the decisions for maintaining candies varied depending on visitors "During very busy periods, [we] may replenish the pile twice weekly, with approximately 45 pounds (20 kg) being added to the sculpture. On average, we add 15 or 20 pounds (6.8 or 9.1 kg) weekly." Sometimes the handlers would add candies to rebalance the piece's color.

Felix Gonzalez-Torres came up with specific and open-ended parameters for each artwork and the artist's foundation gathered information on the structure and nature of the artist's work via 'Core Tenets' for each body of work.

The Core Tenets for the body of candy works apply to “Untitled” (Portrait of Ross in L.A.)." While each body of work follows its own set of rules, Gonzalez-Torres’s practice includes purposeful variations, within a body of work and between bodies of work, in order to foster engagement and questioning.

the david zwirner gallery and the felix gonzalez torres foundation in the smithsonian removed the descriptive plaque for portrait of ross in la by felix gonzalez-torres. the old plaque explained portrait for ross' origins as the artist's partner's aids related death, and replaced it with a plaque with absolutely no information about the piece itself, who ross was, or who gonzalez-torres was either. portrait of ross was also reeranged to lay on the floor long ways instead of in a pile as it typically is situated, and the plaque outside the exhibition FOR GONZALEZ-TORRES omits his sexuality, as well as his aids related death. i'm in utter disbelief

[matti2k2]

A Wants Tree Collection

Hi! So for the long time I've been using veronavillequiltingbee's Personal Wants Tree mod and I've pondered "could I ever make a Wants Tree of my own - without breaking them?" I've never actually tried too much because I wasn't too much tech savvy to mess with that kind of files, but then I saw Riftwalker's Wants Trees and saw a commenter want to combine that mod with Fewer Hobby Wants, so I said "why not?" and got to work reading tutorials and the like. Gladly, I ended up with a Wants Tree that I loved and also learnt a thing or two in the process!

This Want Tree file includes the following:

Riftwalker's Wants Tree

Go Steady Want for Adults and Elders*

Fixed Break Up Want for Teens, Adults and Elders; both for Steady and Marriage

New Family Member Want for Teens and Children of All Aspirations

University related Wants enabled for All Aspirations

Engagement Want and Left at Altar Fear enabled for All Aspirations

*You need another mod to enable those interactions. Mine only enables the want.

Note: I disabled Teen Woohoo wants for the most part. I still have the file without that feature as a backup so I can upload it if requested. Uploaded.

Lamare's Wants Tree

University Career Wants Enabled

Careers now roll based on Interests rather than Aspirations (Adults Only)

You may want to get Lamare's getUniCareerWithoutEducation from the original post. Or not.

SnorkackSearcher's Wants Tree

No Talk or Blog About Hobby Wants

Hobby Wants are Restricted by Personality

INSTALLATION INSTRUCTIONS

1. Backup your original WantTrees.package. This package is located at:

For the old-school version: EA GAMES\The Sims 2 Mansion and Garden Stuff\TSData\Res\Wants

For the new-school UC version: Origin Games\The Sims 2 Ultimate Collection\Fun with Pets\SP9\TSData\Res\Wants

2. Rename matti_WantTrees.package to just WantTrees.package.

3. Replace WantTrees.package in the game installation folder with the one you downloaded (not your Downloads folder).

KNOWN ISSUES

Engagement and Steady wants may roll at the same time.

Sims may roll Steady wants towards their spouses.

Teens may still get the 20 Woohoo LTW despite the wants being disabled. A workaround is to just reroll the LTW with a mod such as Sim Blender.

DOWNLOAD

SFS | MEDIAFIRE

Teen Woohoo Ver.

SFS | MEDIAFIRE

Shoutout to ShibaRulata, MandyMatos, aspirationfailure and sky in the Simscord server for giving me feedback when testing!

Screenshot by ShibaRulata

[startaegi]

CHAPTER 004 . . .

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You weren’t unfamiliar with the concept of death. You’d known the feeling of blood staining your skin, witnessed patients succumb to their illnesses, and felt the panic as you tried to save them. Death was part of your normal working routine, after years in the field it took a lot to phase you. However, seeing the players' lifeless bodies drop one by one. Hearing the gunshots as another heart automatically stopped. It startled you more than those evening emergency room shifts ever could.

You had never witnessed anything so inhumane. It was clear whoever was behind this twisted game was the devil himself. There was no other sane explanation.

The common room, once loud with chatter now filled with an uncomfortable silence. Everyone huddled together as far from the entrance as possible, most people still shaking in fear. You sat against a metal bed, knees to your chest, eyes focused on the loose skin around your fingernail. You didn't dare look up when you felt his hand against your shoulder.

He said your name. No one around seemed to pay any attention. "Can you look at me?"

Again you made no effort in acknowledging his presence.

He harshly pulled his hands through his hair, moving closer to you, voice quiet but desperate, "Do I have to get on my hands and knees, and beg you to listen?"

You shrugged your shoulders, turning to face him, a bored expression on your face, "Wouldn't be the first time"

"You aren't being fair" He argued back, this time attracting a few glares from the other players.

"You don't know anything about being fair," You replied as the doors to the room abruptly opened. Everyone hurriedly scattered back, gasps of panic filling the air.

The same masked guards entered the room but unlike before they held guns tightly in their grasp. You slowly moved back, arms still protectively wrapped around your legs. Namgyu followed you, moving to cover your hunched figure.

"Congratulations for making it through the first game," The same middle square masked guard spoke. "Here are the results of the first game"

The numbers on the screen above quickly began to decrease. Stopping at 365. 91 players had been eliminated. The guard repeated, "Congratulations again for making it through the first game"

Player 149 rushed forward, player 007 at her side. Her broken voice shattered your heart, "Sir, please don't kill us!" She pleaded, falling to the floor, begging the guards in front of her. "Please don't kill us, I beg you. As for my son's debt, I will do whatever it takes to pay you back. Please forgive us!"

She pulled her son to his knees, who followed her movements, praying to whoever would answer, "I'm sorry. Please forgive me, I promise I'll pay it back" He sobbed.

The masked guard stopped them momentarily, "There seems to be a misunderstanding"

More players gathered beside the mother and son, all on their knees begging to be spared. You sat back, observing their every move silently praying their calls would be answered.

"We are not trying to harm you, we are presenting you with an opportunity" The guard replied nonchalantly, unbothered by the frantic pleading.

The crowd was silenced as player 456 stepped forward, "Clause three of the consent form" His voice was loud, echoing off the walls. "The games may be terminated upon a majority vote, correct?"

"That is correct" 

"Then let us take a vote right now,"456 said, his tone tight.

"Of course," The guard replied. It felt like the tension in the room slightly dissipated, everyone's shoulders relaxing. "We respect your right to freedom of choice, but first let me announce the prize amount that's been accumulated"

The room cascaded in darkness as the giant piggy bank screwed to the ceiling quickly filled with money. Your eyes widened, your heart quickly beating against your chest. It seemed to never end, the notes continuously dropping as the players slowly formed underneath it, childlike wonder on their faces.

"The number of players eliminated in the first game is 91, therefore a total of 9.1 billion won has been accumulated," The guard said as the money stopped. "If you quit the games now the 365 of you can equally divide the 9.1 billion won and leave with your share"

"How much is that?" A player questioned.

"Each person's share would be 24,931,500 won"

Namgyu seethed, "Fuck, we almost died and they're giving us 24 million? That's fucking bullshit" He raked his hands through his hair again, a habit he picked up when annoyed, then pressed his palms against his head in frustration.

You hated to agree with him. You had been promised 45.6 billion and came close to death just to receive a sum that wouldn't cover even 1% of your debt. 

"Twenty million?" The purple-haired one called out. "You said 45.6 billion"

The guard spoke up once again, "The rule is that a hundred million won will be accumulated for each eliminated player" You wondered how many times the faceless man had repeated those same lines, his tone of voice led you to believe it was a common occurrence. "If you choose to play the next game and more players get eliminated, the prize amount will increase accordingly"

A grating voice you had begun to recognise; an older man, the number 100 stitched to his jacket, called back, "How much will it be if you survive until the end?'

"As I already told you, the total amount of prize money for all 456 players is 45.6 billion won, those who make it through all games will equally divide the 45.6 billion won"

"So if you're the only one to survive you get 45.6 billion?"

You never stopped once to think about the possibility of you alone winning the grand prize. You couldn't imagine what you would spend it on minus the obvious.

The guard nodded "That's correct"

Namgyu turned to you, his face just as shocked as the rest of the crowd, it seemed he also hadn't thought of the insane possibility of those numbers in his bank account. You stared back, a pit forming in your stomach. You remembered the day you opened your joint account, remembered how your soul died as the blinking zeros looked up at you. You didn't want to imagine Namgyu screwing everyone over to make that money only his, everyone including you. He surely wasn't that far gone.

Another letter sat in the postbox. A red urgent sign stamped to the front. You didn't have to peel back the opening to know what was inside, you’d read the same words on the last four that arrived weeks ago. Your head hurt at the thought of it. Your rent had been unpaid for months now, at first it had been an honest mistake. You were still getting used to the new hours at work, Namgyu was also working late nights at the club, and so rent was the last thing on your mind. The months after that only piled on adding to the mountain of already existing debt.

Your only option was to use the money you and Namgyu had been saving for your future. It was an agreement when you started University that you’d open a joint savings account, only putting in spare change when you both could and promising not to touch it unless it was absolutely necessary. The amount you’d accumulated wasn't anything massive, just barely enough to cover a percentage of your shared unpaid bills; you would have to scrape together the rest somehow, but it was a good enough start. You knew Namgyu would understand.

It was a summer day, the sun so hot it was scalding your shoulders, you welcomed the cold air as you entered the overcrowded building. You stood fourth in the line, rocking on your heels as you waited. Surprisingly it moved along quickly. You thanked the person in front who moved to let you in, inserting the card into the card slot. You stared at the screen in confusion. Five blinking zeroes sat in the space that was once occupied. You removed the card, inserting it once again and the same thing appeared. 00,000. Panic started to set in as you repeated the same actions and was once again greeted with nothing.

"What's taking so long? Some people have things to do" A woman called behind you, the other customers in line humming in agreement. 

You turned, apologetically bowing, "Sorry ma'am," You removed the card, moving to the other side of the bank where you could talk to an employee.

The woman smiled through the glass, "Hi, how can I help?" She asked.

"I think there's a problem with my card," You replied, handing the card over. "Could you check for me, please?"

"Of course, give me a moment," The worker answered. 

You impatiently waited, the minutes felt like hours. The woman finally looked back, the same smile on her face. "It looks like all funds were removed on May 6th by the shared owner" She paused to look at her screen again. "A Choi Namgyu"

It was like someone had stolen all air from your lungs, the entire room suddenly becoming too small and too hot. Your brain hadn't fully processed what was being said to you and so you only nodded, accepting the card back and hastily exiting the building. You engulfed a breath of fresh air, focusing on keeping your breathing steady. Sure it could seem silly to be that upset by Namgyu's actions, at the end of the day it was only money. But, that money you both had planned to use towards a future house or a child or to travel; it was wishful thinking but it gave you hope. You couldn't understand why he would take it without telling you first.

The journey home gave you a lot to contemplate. You had come to the conclusion that maybe Namgyu needed the money as desperately as you did and in Namgyu fashion; embarrassment and avoidant, hid it in hopes of you never finding out. It was the only explanation that didn't make your heart hurt.

The apartment was dark when you entered, the only noise being from the broken refrigerator. You tossed your belongings haphazardly onto the kitchen table and collapsed onto the sofa. You took your time on the way home, opting to walk rather than take the bus leaving you to arrive back at exactly 9:40 pm. You didn't care to make dinner, the shower that you were hoping for had to wait, you weren't doing anything until you had a good enough excuse from your fiancé.

You hadn't realised you’d dozed off until the click of the front door awakened you. You swore you’d only shut your eyes for a second but the clock was now ticking at midnight. You sat up straight, stretching the knots out of your muscles. Namgyu soon made his presence known, loudly pulling off his shoes with no care and pushing them to the side.

He finally looked up, jumping when he noticed you on the sofa, "What the fuck," He swore, hand on his heart. "Why are you sitting in the dark?"

You glared through the darkness, mouth shut. You could smell the weed radiating from him, of course, as always he was high.

"Hello?" He asked, taking the seat beside you. "Y/N?" His tone was now worried.

"Where are we going to live?" You asked suddenly.

Namgyu furrowed at that, hands circling the room, "Here?" He replied, unsure of the unusual question.

You wanted to laugh. He had no care for anything. "Not for much longer," You said casually, your demeanor worrying him more.

"What's going on?" He seemed more alert now, his eyes wider than they had been when he first opened the door. 

"We've missed five rent payments” Your gaze softened at his worried expression, the Namgyu you once knew coming through for a second. “They’re going to evict us if we don't pay by the 19th" You explained.

And as quickly as your face softened it dropped again at his words, "Shit I forgot about that" He replied. 

You laughed bitterly, feeling stupid to believe he would care to begin with. "Did you also forget about the money you took from the savings?”

"What?” Namgyu’s expression twisted in confusion. A beat of silence later and it seemed to click, he looked back at you again, eyes widened, “Oh that money! Baby, don't worry I’ll get it back times ten” He smiled proudly. 

You held your breath, scared of his reply. “What did you do with the money, Namgyu?”

“There was a guy at work” You resisted the urge to knock your head against the nearest wall. “He made so much investing in crypto-”

You cut him off mid-sentence, your blood boiling. "You spent our savings on crypto?" You ran a hand over your face, palms digging into your eyes. “What is wrong with you?” 

He stared back as if you were speaking a language he didn't understand, the same look of confusion on his face, "What? I'll get it back"

"You're too smart to be acting so stupid Namgyu" You couldn’t stop the laughter escaping your lips. “We're drowning in debt and you used the last of our money for fucking crypto?” 

Namgyu’s tone of voice quickly turned offended, "Why are you acting as if the money only belonged to you? I put money into that account too" He argued back. 

"And, what about the money I put in Namgyu" You cried back, frustrated that he didn't understand where he went wrong. "You took that too"

"I told you I'll get it back"

“That doesn't help now, we'll be homeless next week" You replied, voice weak. You were exhausted. 

"Why are you always on my case?” Namgyu responded through gritted teeth. “Nothing I do is ever right for you”

“Maybe if you didn't act like a teenager half the time I wouldn’t need to”  You remained where you stood, your voice getting quieter with every word, “You're never here or when you are you're high or drunk, it's like I don't know you anymore”

Namgyu raised his head with a glare, his voice loud and unnerving, “Have you ever thought you're the reason why?” He shouted angrily. You felt the world pause, didn’t hear anything but the words he’d spat swarming around your head. “Wait, wait, I didn't mean that” He quickly interrupted, hands waving frantically. 

You couldn’t find it in yourself to reply, instead, you snatched your bag from the kitchen table and slipped on your shoes. Your hands shook as you unlocked the front door, Namgyu’s pleading voice calling behind you. 

He caught up to you, hands clutching your wrist. “Please it's almost 2 am, just-” He stopped mid-sentence. “Let's go to bed and talk about it tomorrow”

“Let go of me, Namgyu” You tiredly replied. He reluctantly dropped your wrist, opening his mouth to speak again when you continued, “Do not follow me” 

He called your name into the clammy night, his voice following you down the darkened streets. You gripped the strap of your bag, head down in an attempt to ignore the drunken people passing by. The area where you lived wasn't known to be the safest, clubs and bars surrounded most of the apartment buildings which mostly housed sketchy people. Your safest bet was to find a hotel a little out of town but you couldn't risk walking that far alone nor could you afford it. 

A small park came into view, it was old and most of the playground was falling apart but it was in a well-lit area. You took a seat at an empty bench, covered in graffiti and the paint chipping. You rested your head against the back, the moon catching your eye. You watched it shining brightly in the night sky, the stars around it twinkling. You thought back to the nights Namgyu would keep you awake telling you facts about space you didn't care to know but listened to anyway because you loved how passionate he was. A tear rolled down your cheek at the memory, and another, and soon you were a sobbing mess. You hunched forward attempting to breathe through the tears. Your throat and eyes burning but you couldn't stop.

You weren't crying for the lost money or his harsh words. You were crying for the boy you used to know, the boy you fell in love with who seemed to no longer exist. You had been ignoring it for too long, the reality of it all now crashing down on you. 

An unknown presence made itself known, taking the empty seat beside you. They didn't speak, only handed you tissues and a bottle of water. You glanced to the side, squinting through your swollen eyes. A boy around your age, his hair to his shoulders and a warm smile on his face looked back. He held the items out again to which you accepted. 

“Sorry, I noticed you crying, thought you might need them” He pointed to the tissues and water in your hands, and then quickly interrupted his sentence.  “I promise I'm not a creep,” He quickly defended himself, and pointed to the convenience store across the road. “I work over there”

You smiled, “Thank you,” You said, taken aback by his kind gesture. “That's really kind of you”

His smile took up his entire face and then dropped just as fast, he worriedly asked, “Do you live nearby? It isn't safe to be around here alone” 

You quickly lied, “Ah yeah, just had a hard night at work” 

He laughed nodding, “I know that all too well” 

You smiled again, unsure how to reply. You appreciated his kindness more than you could say in words but you were too emotional to hold any form of conversation. “I should head home before it gets any later,” You said before getting to your feet and gesturing to the items in your hand, “Thank you again for this” You bowed. 

He nodded, following in your footsteps and rising from the bench, “Get home safely” He smiled again bowing in your direction. 

That night you spent the lonely hours in a PC cafe, the voices of teenagers playing games keeping you awake, and grieving the man you once knew. 

previous next masterlist playlist

note . . . really struggled with the first part of this chapter so i’m sorry it took so long 😓 i don’t wanna make it too repetitive and only copy word from word from the show but it’s HARD. im still not in love with this chapter but i really wanted to post something, hopefully i wont take another 4000 years for chapter 5 lmao

taglist . . . @chrisstyle @seonghwasslytherin @princessofthepuppets @sollum @okaycharr @hoshisgalaxy @alexatthedisco @swoofllia @chxrrybomb22 @drkitten226 @ryvampr @bbyjjunie @learninglinesintherainn @smally97 @sft-core @enterplanettelex @prettywhenicry4 @zannispppp @juhdoche @nuttybeans @wagawana @xtracy-xd7 @slxtgirl69 @ihrthoney @zella-74 @ancientdarko @loverzxi @boomzen @godly-sinsx @sirenkinnie @skibidirizzzlerrrr @come-as-you-are-111 @mochimitsuri @lavboat01 @preppyfella @diaboliku-loversu @mimipolo @ourseasone @loveeblob @ritapitmargarita @xoxolakeyah (let me know if you wanna be added)

[kamisobsessed]

I Don't Get Jealous

Summary: Takes place in S4E6 "Poetic Justice" when Tim takes Officer McGrady out on patrol, he meets McGrady's daughter Ashley who invites Tim over for dinner to thank him for taking her dad back out on the streets. Tim eventually agrees to go, but runs it by you first. Then after they find the treasure, the station celebrates Jerry's retirement. Tim does Jerry's end of watch and Ashley thanks Tim again. You are standing nearby talking with Harper and Chen, but you see Ashley flirting with Tim and you don't hesitate to stop it. (I am so bad at summaries)

Some other background info: You and Tim are engaged, you're a metro sergeant/metro liason at mid-wilshire, he's an LAPD sergeant at mid-wilshire. Ashley is obviously clueless to your relationship, you don't really show your relationship at work.

Pairings: Tim Bradford x Metro Sergeant!Reader, no use of y/n.

Warnings: jealousy, fluff, kind of implied possible smut at the end?, follows the plot of S4E6

A/N: My first Tim Bradford fic! Also, I hate Ashley and hated her and Tim's relationship so I had to go with this prompt from @reignsboy19, "Y/n being a badass and shutting down Ashley who was trying to flirt with Tim (her boyfriend) and Tim just being proud of her and everyone else just laughing at her jealousy" though I changed it up a little. Hope you enjoy!

[This is not proofread or edited, I'm too busy for that, I just wanted to post this]

****************************************************

When Sergeant Grey told Sergeant Bradford to talk Officer Jerry McGrady into retirement, Tim thought it would be easy. Until he had to actually talk to McGrady about it. Instead of discussing retirement, Tim asked him to go on patrol with him.

You always made sure to see Tim before he goes out on patrol, so you were waiting by the doors to his shop when you saw McGrady coming over with war bags and gear.

"Officer McGrady, no kit room duty today?" you ask him.

"Nope, Sergeant Bradford asked me to ride with him today," he says.

You raised your eyebrows and held back a chuckle, "oh really?" you say.

"Yep! It's truly an honor! I'm glad to be able to hit the streets again," he says.

"Well, you be safe out there Jerry," you say with a smile.

"Will do!" He says, and he went into the garage to set up the shop.

Tim came over after talking to Grey.

"I thought Grey told you to talk him into retirement?" You ask him, raising an eyebrow at him with a smirk.

"I told Grey I got this, he'll be thinking of nothing but retirement after today," he says.

"Right," you chuckle, knowing Tim just couldn't bring himself to rip the bandaid off.

He just grinned a little shaking his head, "Don't you have some metro op to do or something?" he asked.

"Nope," you smile. He just playfully rolls his eyes and opens the door to the garage.

"Be safe out there sarge," you say to him.

"You too, sarge," he says with a small smile looking back at you before the door closes.

-

You were in your office at the station when Tim knocks and walks in.

"Hey, how was riding with Jerry, he retire yet?" You ask him.

"Not yet, turns out he may be of some help on the treasure hunt case," Tim said, "But, once that is over, I'm sure he will retire," He says.

"Right, I'm sure," You respond sarcastically.

"Are you judging my ability to make someone leave the job?" Tim asked, "Should I remind you when I was your T.O., you almost washed out on day 2," he says.

"That's not the same, I was a rookie, I wasn't on the job for multiple decades like Jerry," you say.

"After this treasure hunt thing, I know Jerry will be ready to retire," he says.

"Okay, I believe you," you chuckled, "Now what has you in my office Sergeant Bradford?" You ask him, "Not that I don't like seeing my favorite person," you smile.

"Jerry and his daughter, Ashley, invited me over to have dinner, a thank you for me getting Jerry back on the streets. I said yes, just wanted to let you know," he says.

"I'm sure Jerry will like that," you say, "I'm gonna be late getting home anyways, have so many reports to catch up on, this treasure hunt has the city going mad," you sigh.

"Well, I'll see you at home later then," he says coming over to you and leaning down to give you a kiss.

"okay," you say giving him another quick peck on the lips.

"I love you," he says before he goes to leave your office.

"I love you, too," you say back before he heads out.

-

Tim was at dinner with Jerry and his daughter. Jerry was sound asleep on his recliner and Tim was helping Ashley clean up.

"You know, riding with you today was the highlight of dad's year," Ashley says, "Hell, his last 5 years."

"Yeah, I don't get it. Most cops who stay on the job this long, they don't have anything else waiting for them, but I'm sure you'd love to be able to spend more time with him," Tim says.

"Mm, because I've got nothing going on in my own life?" Ashley snaps back, jokingly.

"No, no. That's- that's not what I meant," Tim says defensively with a chuckle.

Ashley laughs, "Relax. It's a joke," she says. She lets out a sigh "No one ever gets my jokes," she says.

"I guess I'm just used to jokes being funny," Tim jokes back, "I guess that's why I got confused," He says and they both laugh as she throws a towel at him playfully.

Ashley sighs, "Honestly, I think my dad regrets not retiring 15 years ago when he was still on the street," she says looking over at her dad, "Like all his buddies did."

Tim understood and he looked over at Jerry who was softly snoring in the chair.

-

The treasure hunt case was finally closed. Jerry McGrady was officially retiring.

Tim had called Ashley to come to the station for when he and Jerry got back. Then he had Harper gather everyone at the station.

"Alright folks, attention please," Harper announced, "Turn your hand packs to the district channel," she says.

Lucy goes over to Ashley and Jerry, "I need to borrow your dad for a second," she tells Ashley and Ashley nods.

You stand next to Nyla as the station gathered around looking at Tim who was standing on the platform of the staircase.

"Control, 7-Adam-100," Tim spoke into his radio, his voice echoing out of everyone's radio pack in the station, "I am privileged to announce the retirement of Officer Jerry McGrady, badge number 9944. After 43 years and 9 months of service, this concludes his final shift," he continues, "Officer McGrady, you, sir, are End of Watch," Tim says, "Congratulations!"

Everyone cheers and applauds for him. Jerry just looks around, letting out an emotional sigh.

"It's been an honor serving this great city all these years," Jerry says, "so, take care if her now that I'm gone."

Everyone cheers and applauds for him once more.

People go up to Jerry to give him hugs and congratulations.

You went over to him and gave him a hug, "Congratulations, Jerry, we'll miss you around here," you say.

"Thank you, sergeant, I'll miss you all, too," he says.

You stand there with Nyla and Lucy as they talk, but you don't listen as you watch Ashley go up to where Tim is on the platform of the stairs.

"That was really beautiful," She says to him, "Dad won't forget it, and...neither will I," she smiles at him.

"It was my honor, your dad is a hell of a guy," Tim says.

"Maybe you could...stop by the house sometime, see how he's handling retirement," Ashley says.

"Yeah, that'd be great," Tim says.

Nyla and Lucy both see you looking at Tim and Ashley.

"Oh, someone's getting jealous," Nyla says.

"I don't get jealous," you said, "I'll just...be right back," you say and you walk away toward the stairs.

"She's definitely jealous," Nyla says.

"I think it's cute, she and Tim never show any affection at the station, they're both so professional," Lucy says.

"Maybe, you and I could grab dinner sometime?" Ashley asks Tim.

"Oh, I- um..." Tim says flustered, but you come up behind him.

"Ready to head home babe?" You ask Tim, you look at Ashley, "oh, sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt," you say.

"Uh Ashley, this is my girlfriend," Tim says introducing you "She's the metro liason sergeant."

"Oh, hi, it's nice to meet you," Ashley says, "I better go find dad, thank you again for everything, Tim," she says.

Tim nods, "it was my pleasure," he says.

She just nods and awkwardly smiles at me as she goes down the stairs.

Tim turns to you with a smile on his face.

"What?" You ask him with a chuckle.

"You're pretty cute when you're jealous," he says.

"I- no, I wasn't jealous, I just- she- she tried asking you out," You say, fumbling over your words.

"I was going to turn her down, you know," he says.

"I know you were, I was just-" you say but he cuts you off,

"Jealous?" He asks, smirking at you.

"Shut up," you say nudging him playfully and you both laughed.

"Let's clock out and head home and relax, yeah?" he says taking your hand.

"Yes, sir," you say with a grin as you walk with him down the stairs

"Watch it, or we'll do more than just relax," He says lowly so only you hear as he smirks at you.

"Is that a promise?" You say back.

"Hmm, maybe," he says with a wink.

****************************************************

A/N: My first Tim Bradford fic! Idk, I'm kinda proud of this. I took a LOT from the show obviously, but I saw that prompt and had to write it. So glad he and Ashley broke up...otherwise we wouldn't get Chenford. And I swear if Chenford doesn't get back together in season 7...Anyways, hope you enjoyed reading :)

Tags: @justwhisperingfantasies

[alex51324]

You're right; this was meant to be contexualized by another post I made, about how Chaos Is the Point, and attention and outrage are finite resources. But this post ended up having a much bigger reach, so a lot of people are seeing it who didn't see the other one.

To summarize:

Because no one can live at DefCon 5 all the time, we need to be thoughtful about distinguishing between "Trump's back on his bullshit," "This is a real actual thing that could happen if they get their shit together," and "holy shit, grab the kids and run." AKA, threat levels Piss Yellow, Spray-Tan Orange, and Blood Red.

A lot of Trump's EOs are simply publicity stunts. For instance, a few days ago there was a flurry of panic because he'd rescinded a Johnson-era Civil Rights EO, which had a similar name to the Act which codified it into law a few years later. With this EO, Trump was showing us (once again) who he is and what he values, but in terms of actual legal effect, it was nothing. Within hours of the headlines announcing this EO, there were clarifications about it all over the place.

Another batch are so blatantly illegal that, again within hours, there are well-grounded legal challenges in process, and often judicial stays on the order. The "funding pause" is one of these, as was Trump's attempt to limit birthright citizenship.

The first group are pure yellow, and the second are sort of orange-tinged, like the urine of a man who drinks only diet coke (and not enough of it). It's important for state governments, the ACLU, and other relevant stakeholders to respond quickly with those legal challenges, but as an ordinary person, you can kind of figure it's being handled, and just keep an eye out in case it explodes somehow, or the groups doing the legal challenges are asking for a show of support from the public.

The next concern level, solid orange, is a mix of orders where it isn't really clear what Trump was trying to do or if it means anything, or where the legality of the order is more open to interpretation, meaning that if it ends up in front of a Trump-friendly judge, it could make it through.

These are the ones where you want to pay attention as the situation develops, especially if the order would affect you personally. With this category, there maybe things for you to do, like writing/calling your congresspeople, attending protests, etc., or ways you can prepare for impact if you're in the affected group (or help others in the affected group prepare). As you follow the story, make sure you're using trusted sources of information, and share information when you're reasonably confident that it is accurate and useful.

And then red, of course, is where the effect could be immediate and drastic, and affected groups should prepare to take quick action. For instance, for federal employees, the "fork in the road" emails are dark orange bordering on red. It's pretty clear that Trump is attempting a purge of the civil service; it's not clear whether he's actually going to succeed, or what comes next if making ominous noises and trying to bribe people to quit doesn't work. If you are in the affected group on this one--that is, a federal employee--you should be actively planning & working with your union, others in your department, and/or legal representation to understand what's happening & what is best for you to do.

As the threat level tends toward Red, it remains important to seek accurate and useful information sources, but at the same time, events may be evolving quickly. Be conscious of how you use and pass along information in the "important if true" category: of course you don't want to be so cautious you miss the window to respond before the situation turns critical, but you also don't want to waste your and others' time with actions that are unnecessary or counterproductive.

It's a very normal and natural impulse, when things are scary, to want to sound the alarm and share the scary information as widely as possible, but overreacting can make it harder for people to pay attention to the most scary things.

Food for thought

[1moreff-creator]

Fool's Table MV - Analysis

I absolutely adore this MV so it's getting an immediate analysis post. I cannot fucking believe what was in it. After playing coy with Mai for so long, we get an entire MV about her and Teruko?!?! The Terumai stocks are through the roof and my adoration is immeasurable. Let's go!!!

I hope I'm able to pick up on at least most of the most important details, I am doing this a bit off the cuff lol. As always, an important disclaimer is that the following is just my interpretation, I could be wrong about some things, and others may have multiple valid interpretations, I’m not claiming that my way of seeing the MV is the only “right” one, yadda yadda, you know this by now.

First, the description:

Together, alone, until the curtains close, I want to dance on the stage with you.

Pretty straightforward. The entire MV is framed on a stage, there's curtains, Mai and Teruko even dance. Just reinforcing the togetherness of Mai and Teruko (and don’t worry, we’ll get to that).

But, wait. Not everyone knows who Mai is, or what we already knew of her relationship with Teruko. That’s understandable, she’s had literally 9 seconds of screen time in the main series, and while it’s widely speculated she’s Unnamed Classmate, that’s not immediately obvious.

If you don’t know anything about her, I'll recommend you read up on the relevant sections of my secrets masterpost, since all you really need is her profile, Mai quotes and maybe her LGI numeral to understand this post. Or, if you're down for a longer read, my only somewhat outdated Mai post.

Next, we have to ask, what is Fool's Table actually about? I find it helps to talk about the song's overall meaning before diving into any specific lines, so we can better understand them in context.

Fool's Table is a song primarily about societal rules and expectations, and what it means to live within them. You'll see plenty of references to manners, people wearing masks, etc. The song also dwells on the concept that suffering is an inherent part of being human, and how to deal with this fact. The titular Fool's Table refers to life itself; it's framed both as a table, where society would claim manners and cleanliness are important, and described as a stage in various occasions, somewhere to dance and dirty and act on. You'll see what I mean when we get to line by line analysis, which this should be enough to get us started on, I think!

We open on a shot of a table, filled with plenty of different foods. Given this is the "table of life", you can easily interpret this as a representation of the large amount of experiences which life can offer. Before Teruko and Mai appear, the following lyrics play:

I'll deliver the final blow Already, that kid has a pitiful look on their face Everything everywhere is in flames Savages acting "sensitive"

"Everything everywhere is in flames" is pretty straightforward, I think. A very Teruko-like sentiment. This sentiment is possibly why the table that represents life is shown upside down; being "upside down" is a way of showing that everything's wrong with it, and by extension the world. The "final blow" mentioned, in my opinion, is showing this "truth" to the "kid with a pitiful face." Basically, this kid, possibly a stand-in for all children, was already sad, and now you're telling them everything is in shambles because of "savages" who pretend to be more compassionate, "sensitive", than they truly are.

On its surface, this seems like exactly the kind of fatalism that Teruko has held throughout most of her life. However, the next lines actually recontextualize these statements in quite an important way.

Let's let the flowers bloom until the end From the cradle to the grave, there's not enough love! Impatient guests, in a hurry Everyone is wearing the same face

This reveals that the singer actually wants things to get better, "flowers to bloom until the end." Although discontent with the current state of the world, with all these people who have lost their identity ("wearing the same face") due to "being in a hurry" (which you can interpret in a few different ways but it's not all that important for us), they seem to believe there are ways to improve it. And this idea that the singer wishes to go against society and make a better world for themselves is immediately tied to Teruko in the next line.

"You have no manners"

(The color's not actually in the MV just to be clear lol)

So first, sick animation. DRDTDev is awesome.

Anyways, there's the connection. For all that Teruko in current canon doesn't particularly believe her life can get better, she's certainly someone who goes against what is expected of her, here represented by dropping her cutlery and eating with her mouth. That's because Teruko doesn't think acting the way others act is going to help her, so she does her own thing. For example, pushing everyone away after the first trial, when others would want her to be more approachable. And with this idea, we reach Teruko's side of the table.

Now, gather around the pure white table

"The pure white table" is an ironic statement. Remember, the table represents life, so pretending it's "pure white" would imply it's simple and orderly, which the singer obviously doesn't believe. To amplify the irony, the statement is contrasted by the image of Teruko spilling blood all over the "pure white table." The statement is pretty clear: Teruko is a challenge to the orderly nature of society. Not only because she's a disruptive person herself, but because her life of misfortune is in itself a challenge to the idea that everything's perfect and okay, the mask that the other people mentioned before in the song wear.

Dance on spinning dishes, oh no

I actually quite like this line. The imagery of dishes is obviously connected to the table, which represents life, but spinning dishes in particular is a circus trick. Literally calling the world a circus, lmao. And asking you to dance on the dishes once again invites images of disorder and going against expectations.

We've forgotten the right way to breathe

AND THE CROWD GOES WILD!!!!!

Indeed, our favorite mystery girl (and birthday girl!), Mai Akasaki, makes an appearance. Unlike Teruko, Mai's eating with her cutlery, the way society would want her to. And this isn't exactly the first time we've seen Mai be contrasted with Teruko in this kind of vibe, remember?

In the LGI MV, Teruko is described as "someone dearly unloved", while Mai is "someone dearly loved." If you know anything about Mai, you know the idea that she's perfect by all standards, including societal ones, isn't exactly new.

However, it's worth noting that this is only a first impression. We'll see Mai dancing on the table later, and based on that and the whole "document" situation with Xander and Unnamed Classmate in Visiting Graves, we know Mai's perfectly fine with going against the grain and doing what she believes is right, despite what society may think. That said, unlike Teruko, her existence isn't actually a threat to the status quo, as she's:

[Mai Quote - Min]: An average girl with nothing special at all about her.

It's worth noting, though, she seems to be eating flowers instead of food. This can be an early indication of her more rebellious leanings (you eat food, not flowers), but I think it could be meant to serve as further contrast with Teruko. Remember how the foods could represent life experiences? Well, "eating flowers" in that sense could mean that Mai actually had a pretty pleasant life, which is entirely possible as, again, ordinary girl. We know from Charles' Mai quote that she loves her family, from Whit's that she has many friends, and from Visiting Graves that she doesn't have money issues. She could certainly have other issues, mind you, but right now we don't have much indication of it.

Oh also the lyric. "We've forgotten the right way to breathe" is just another way the singer has of expressing dissatisfaction with how others act. It seems like it's explicitly ambiguous whether Mai is one of the people who've forgotten the right way to breathe, or one of the people who hold the singer's opinion, playing into the dichotomy of how Mai is first presented here (eating properly) and how she dances on the table later. By the way, the word "we" actually appears and disappears before Mai shows up on screen, while the camera is still in the middle, so take that as you will.

It's all over once we drown What a luxurious dining table!

To quickly cover the lyrics, "drowning" I imagine is an allegory for death. Remember how the singer was upset others "lived in a hurry"? Yeah that. And the "luxurious" dining table thing is once again sarcastic.

You might have been wondering if I was ever going to talk about the things on the table, and don't worry, I am about to, I was just waiting for this wide shot. In general, I think most of what's on it is decorative, as I struggle to find any metaphors hidden in most of the food. The 12 colored biscuits next to Mai may be representative of the 12 members of the cast who are still alive in the killing game, maybe, but I don't think some of the colors match all that well (where does yellow go? why do we have so little blue?). Could also be the altDRDT cast + mascot, as pointed out by accirax. I don't think it's too important to know what this is, so I'll leave it open-ended.

The candles are a point of interest to me, though. The one on Mai's side is taller, but further from her, while the one on Teruko's side is smaller, but closer to her. There are like a billion ways you can interpret that, but I'm gonna choose to think of them as the two girls' "warmth", if that makes sense. Teruko is keeping it closer to herself, not as willing to open up, and the candle's shorter, so she has less warmth to give. Conversely, Mai is more willing to give Teruko her "warmth", as she's a really nice person from what we know, and that warmth is very intense judging from the length of the candle. Works well enough for me.

Finally, the most important part of the table, the cake. Obviously the centerpiece, it has both flowers and a red liquid, which I assume we're meant to see as blood. Notably, the side facing Teruko has the blood on top and the flowers below, possibly representing the way Teruko, at least in CH2, shows off her harsher side to the world while hiding more delicate and complicated feelings. Meanwhile, Mai's side has the blood being covered by the flowers, as if implying that Mai's kindness and love hide a fiercer soul underneath. Given the whole "she was probably staging some kind of revolution against Hope's Peak with Xander based on Visiting Graves" thing, I'd say that's a pretty accurate description of her character. Not to say she's intentionally hiding an evil side or anything, just that her real feelings are more complicated than what her seemingly perfect exterior suggest.

I haven't talked about the flowers because they're drawn the same as the flowers on Mai's tattoo, the Bonus Episode text boxes, and the "flowers of an unknown species" of the LGI MV. If you know the common interpretations, you'll know the two popular options for what they are is white camellias or white mai flowers. White camellias represent purity and honor like other white flowers, though they also specifically represent adoration and respect and are popular funeral flowers in Japan; while Mai flowers represent "prosperity, happiness in the new year, as well as resilience against storms and challenges", and the yellow variation of the flowers is connected to a legend about a girl who died protecting her father and village from a snake monster. Oh yeah Mai's probably dead by the time the killing game starts. 'Cuz, you know.

See that arrow pointing to Mai's portrait when her numeral XI shows up alongside the word God?

Yeah it's not very subtle. Mai's God, Mai's dead. There are other interpretations for this, mind you, but there's also other reasons to believe she's dead, so.

Trash is trash, trash will act like trash Fools are fools, fools will act like fools That's the ironclad rule of society And there's no room to complain

You get the lyrics by now, right? I don't have to point out that this is once again talking about rigid societal rules and expectations? Good!

Everyone everywhere is a nuisance The noisy crowd from earlier

For now, let's dance in the palm of their hands

Yay more pretty animation! :D

Here, the singer once again insults society at large, but also says that "for now, let's dance in the palm of their hands." As in, they're not fully ready to complete go against society yet, and will engage with its expectations for a while longer.

However, we're actually left with a pretty important question: what the fuck is the apple? Apples are usually representative of the “forbidden fruit”, a temptation or desire which goes against what is accepted. So, perhaps Mai is doing as the lyric on screen says; by discarding the apple, she’s discarding that which is forbidden by society and “dancing in the palm of their hand.”

That’s certainly an understandable interpretation, but I don’t find it fully convincing, because it just… doesn’t fit Mai.

[Mai Quote - Xander]: She couldn’t stand to do nothing.

Not only because of the whole “rebelling against Hope’s Peak” thing, but because later in this very MV, she’s seen dancing on the table with Teruko, going against societal expectations.

Additionally, it doesn’t explain what giving the apple to the dog would represent. Dogs can’t go against human societal norms, as far as I know. So, that’s another point that would need to be explained in that interpretation.

But maybe the doggy can help us? Maybe we can get to another interpretation through it, because I feel like I’ve seen it somewhere before-

Oh for the love of- Can this stop being the most plot relevant execution of all time???????? I don't want to think about it anymore!!!!!! /silly

Yes, the presence of a black dog/wolf is an explicit callback to Min’s execution. This would draw a connection between the apple and Min. On the surface, there are a few other ways we can connect them, as apples have a lot of associations with a bunch of things. In pop culture, apples are a common gift students give their teachers, and Min is a Student who wished to be a teacher. Allow me to ignore that this could also connect to the About Page Text and altDRDT Teacher real quick, since this connection is very minor and very cherry picked and only works because of the dog that doesn’t have ties to those two things.

However, it does bring even more issues with the interpretation I previously mentioned. Because, to put it bluntly, Min is the exact opposite of going against societal norms. Her recap foil is the Rebel, she’s under the orders of XF-Ture Tech, you know the drill.

Is it possible, then, that the meaning of the apple is the opposite as well? That eating the apple represents accepting society’s rules? It may seem weird with the associations to forbidden-ness I mentioned earlier, but if you go back and look at the Lone Apple scenes again, this idea gets a bit stronger.

The apple is full when the singer talks about the ironclad rules of society, as if implying that the apple is the ironclad rule. Then, right before we hear the singer talk about dancing in the palm of the hand of the “noisy crowd”, the apple is seen eaten, as if eating it is directly connected to dancing in their palm and following the rules. This would be consistent with the apple’s connection to Min, as Min herself is representative of following societal expectations as discussed earlier.

But then, why would it be “forbidden”? Well, I propose that we’ve been thinking about it wrong. The apple isn’t forbidden from society’s perspective, but from Teruko’s perspective.

Theory: An “Unfortunate” Point of View

The idea is that the MV doesn’t show things from a neutral perspective, but rather, from Teruko’s perspective, specifically. I’ll discuss why I believe this in more detail in a bit, but for now, I’ll ask you to bear with me.

This is the final piece of the puzzle for my take on the apple. Since the world has been unkind to Teruko, playing along with the rules of the world would make you an enemy in her eyes. She has been opposed to them from the very start of this MV, after all. Thus, the act of accepting the “ironclad rules”, eating the apple and “dancing in the noisy crowd’s palm”, would be seen by Teruko as eating a forbidden fruit. Therefore, the MV presents it as such, since I believe it’s shown from her perspective.

However, Mai discards the apple, which in this case is consistent with her dancing on the table later. She’s forgoing society’s rules and “throwing them to the wolves.”

Am I cooking? Am I burning down the kitchen? I have no idea! But that’s what makes it fun! This whole thing is obviously very up to interpretation, and there’s not really such a thing as a right or wrong one, really. I’m very open to hearing other interpretations on this thing.

Btw while we’re here, the wolf thing could also be connected to Elliot’s death, since he likely got killed by dogs as well (long story). In that case, the apple could represent knowledge, as in, the “forbidden” knowledge of Elliot’s existence and death. But… that’s kinda really disconnected from the rest of the MV and I don’t know how to relate it to the other lines the apple is seen alongside. So, throwing it out there, but I don’t think there’s a connection there.

Finally, I don’t think Mai’s the mastermind. Yes, I know that her throwing something to a wolf could be an allegory to her executing Min. But as stated earlier, it’s likely she’s already dead, and it’s kinda hard to mastermind a killing game from beyond the grave. You could connect it, in a more roundabout way, to theories that Mai’s death caused the killing game, but I don’t think it can really go further than that.

Gather around the pure white table Dance on spinning dishes, oh no We've forgotten the right way to breathe Let’s continue until we drown

Same lyrics as before, except for the change of “let’s continue until we drown.” It fits with Teruko lying on the table, not really doing anything. See, I believe this moment represents one where Teruko has given up on actively fighting, and is just deciding to go along with the flawed society she lives in. If I compared her eating with her hands earlier with her attitude at the start of CH2, this could be compared to her attitude when MonoTV told her she’d get executed but before Levi jumped in. That is, resigned and just letting things happen. This bouncing between harsh and “socially condemned” methods of self-preservation and resignation to her fate is a common thing for Teruko, I find.

Go ahead, enjoy the sour and sweet as you please Forever uncertain, I’ve held onto this poison Let it make my cells dance With those sharp-edged words! Our pain, we couldn’t choose any of it Look, it’s spinning round and round On the dining table of “life”

Yeah remember that thing about Teruko resigning herself to her fate and bad luck? “Our pain, we couldn’t choose any of it” is pretty in line with that. Teruko’s just accepted that bad things will happen, the world’s terrible and her existence is suffering. Hence, “enjoy the sour and sweet as you please” while she’s lying on the table; she’s a meal ready to be consumed by those who hurt her at their whims.

And who do I mean by “those who hurt her”? Well, if you didn’t catch it, the type of knife and its placement is a clear echo of Xander stabbing Teruko. Now, judging by several of her statements through the series, Xander isn’t the only person who’s ever hurt her, but he does work as a stand-in. Someone Teruko trusted has stabbed her in the… I’d say back but it was really the stomach, and she thinks this is what will always happen if she opens herself to hoping things will be better. She wants to, to some extent (“forever uncertain”), but she knows it will still hurt her eventually (the poison “making her cells dance”).

Well, except.

Here Mai is, pointing a knife away from Teruko. Defending her, possibly. This is the same knife she held at the start, the one which seemed to suggest Mai was playing by the rules of society. Except, she’s now taken those things, and is now using it to point at whoever may want to “eat” Teruko. That could represent a couple of things, but the most straightforward idea for me is that several of the things that make Mai a standup member of society are also just good traits for a friendship, such as her kindness and compassion.

Now, the next section has a lot of repeated images, so I’m just going to describe what shows up with each lyric.

[Mai pointing knife from uninjured Teruko] Now, gather around the pure white table Dance on spinning dishes, oh no [Teruko stabbed, alone] We’ve forgotten the right way to breathe [Mai holding knife, Teruko hidden] It’s all over once we drown (What luxurious dining table!)

(Btw you can know if Teruko is injured or not by facial expression, if you were wondering how I could tell)

Chorus, we know the lyrics. However, I’d like to point out that the line “we’ve forgotten the right way to breathe” is shown with Teruko injured and no Mai, possibly implying that being alone is “the wrong way to breathe” as it gets Teruko injured. That’s my favorite interpretation for that, anyways. Also ominous showing Mai front and center when talking about drowning as an allegory for death, but frankly? This is the first “dead” allegation she’s caught this entire video, and seeing how she managed to catch, like, three in the two seconds her numeral shows up in LGI alone, I’m actually quite proud of her! She may not be beating the allegations, but at least she's not getting one per scene!

Now, play a pure black elegy Let’s dance on the palm of your hand, oh no How does it feel to be devoured by the prey you once mocked?

Let’s start by focusing on what’s happening with Teruko in in the background, because it’s quite sweet. Not only does she start smiling and crying in joy, her stomach is covered in Mai’s signature flowers. This is pretty clear; Mai’s kindness has “fixed” the injuries other people had caused Teruko, her flowers covering up the Xander related injury that serves as a stand-in for all the betrayals Teruko’s endured over the years.

Admittedly, such heartwarming visuals are a bit of a contrast to the line “play a pure black elegy”, which if you don’t know is a “poem of serious reflection, usually a lament for the dead”, and the whole “devoured by the prey you once mocked” thing. However, that’s presumably because Mai is still very much holding a knife up to someone, so we can get away with some darker stuff.

I choose to interpret these lines as these two effectively talking to the status quo of Teruko’s life, if that makes sense. With Mai’s help, Teruko’s finally regained the courage to fight against her fate and stand up again, looking to “devour” the vague enemy of her luck whom she was always the prey to. The elegy, then, is aimed at this vague enemy, who they seek to defeat and “kill.” Does that make sense?

And this is the final link I need to explain my aforementioned “this MV is from Teruko’s perspective” theory. Because, you see, I believe this entire MV shows a story, and there’s an arc about Mai and Teruko’s friendship which can be followed. I believe this MV represents the process of Teruko befriending Mai, from Teruko’s perspective.

Think about it. It starts with Teruko and Mai literally opposed to one another, and Mai effectively being shown as one of the people who “wears the same face” as the others, given she’s following proper table manners. She’s nothing special, just someone else who will betray Teruko eventually, hence Teruko’s almost angry expression on that table. Someone who will bite that “forbidden fruit” that is the ironclad rule of the world. Trash will be trash, fools will be fools, and Teruko will be unlucky and get betrayed.

But then, Mai rejects the apple. And when she grabs the knife again, she points it away from Teruko, even when Teruko was lying on the table and ready to get hurt again. This is also, by the way, the first time Mai opens her eyes in the MV; the first time Teruko and her see eye to eye (per se). Because Mai always trusted Teruko, always wanted to be her friend, and only now is that good faith being returned. Well, I assume she never had any bad intentions, anyways.

Look, from how Mai is usually presented, she may as well be perfect in my books. If I catch her burning an orphanage, I’d probably assume the orphans deserved it. This is hyperbole, of course, but only barely.

And so, Mai has officially broken through Teruko’s bad luck and allowed her to “devour” that horrid fate which had always been pushing her down, allowing them to finally dance together in the end, smiling all the while.

Now, obviously, this makes 15000 assumptions as to how Mai and Teruko actually met, what their relationship was like, etc. There are a million things I may have just gotten horribly wrong. But as always, we know too little about Mai to make any good theories without a lot of assumptions. And with the little we do know, this interpretation makes sense in my mind, so it’s the one I’m currently going with!

Go ahead, enjoy the sour and sweet as you please Forever certain, we’ve been waiting for love Let these cells dance With that completely decayed mind! Nothing will be taken from us Our pain and everything is spinning On the dining table of “life” What a luxurious fool’s table!

Look, by this point, you’ve heard what this scene is all about. Mai and Teruko finally both throw away the rules of society and dance upon the table together, not caring what they destroy or messy up in the process. They’re more certain now, because they’ve found the love they were looking for, and feel like nothing will go wrong because “nothing will be taken from us.” The pain’s still there, but they’ll face it together! What a wonderfully hopeful ending! Ignore that Mai's probably dead please.

And since this part’s pretty easy, it gives me time to appreciate the yuri!

You see, this may be something I’ve only ever brought up once, but Teru-Min-Mai is my favorite DRDT ship, and it has been for a while. And while I can’t find any excuse to talk about Min for longer than I already have (a tragedy, I know), I can spare some time to spread the Terumai side of the Agenda, at least! I’ve seen a few people start thinking about shipping it too because of this MV, so let me make a sales pitch. Ehem.

-Opposing themes: You’ve heard of the “dearly unloved” and “dearly loved” thing from the portraits, but did you know red and green are complimentary colors?

-Looking for each other: I mean, just look at what can show up on Mai’s page.

[Mai Quote - Teruko]: Some years ago, she was searching for someone named 'Teruko Tawaki.'

Come on. Why’re you so interested in looking for her if not to kiss her on the lips?

-Matching phone charms: We see that Teruko’s monopad has a phone charm in 2-1, which she shares with Unnamed Classmate. Btw, Mai’s profile states she likes phone charms :)

-Matching tattoos?: Mai���s iconic flower tattoo is on her left arm, and Teruko’s left arm has always been conspicuously hidden from us. But from the jacket off reference, it seems there is something important there. And from the only time we’ve ever had even a glimpse of it, it seems like she may be hiding the same tattoo as Mai.

-Dream sequences: Teruko literally dreams of Mai in her 1-6 dream sequence. And her dialogue there couldn’t hold more fondness if it tried.

It's strange I would remember her now, of all times. What was her name again? It's on the tip of my tongue, but I can't remember. Xander always reminded me of that girl. Perhaps that's why I'm thinking about her now. They looked similar, with that same red hair and smile. And... they both wanted to help, didn't they?

-Teruko’s favorite color is red “by association”: Considering Xander stabbed her, I think the association comes from someone else. Imagine loving someone so much they change your favorite color wow.

-Apocalyptic levels of doomed: We’re DRDT fans, we enjoy our yuri when it’s doomed. And the second anniversary art makes the doomed-ness pretty clear.

(I have to remake this collage there's like three pixels on it total lol)

The code translates to “It’s all your fault.” Combined with Mai likely being dead, you can put two and two together that Teruko might blame herself for Mai's demise, or at least she would if she had all her memories. This is doomed as can be.

-This entire MV: Like come on.

Anyways, ship Terumai. Or don’t, I really don’t care about shipping much and you can do what you want forever. This is just so newer fans aren’t hopelessly confused on why these two are together in this MV and seem to be about two seconds from proposing to each other; the basis for them being really good friends, if nothing else, has always been there.

Anyways, the video ends with a curtain closing, because we’ve been interpreting life as a stage to dance upon, so it’s a natural way to close things out. If you wanted a sadder reading, you could take the idea that Teruko ends up seeing her relationship with Mai as a play, an act that would always end eventually, because it was too good to last when taking her luck into account. The yuri is even more doomed than we expected, I fear.

-

And that should be it! What a wonderful MV this was! It’s nice to really get insight into what Teruko and Mai’s relationship looked like, sort of, and I know I’ll personally savor some of these frames forever. Loved it. Happy 5th anniversary everyone, and happy birthday Mai! Thanks for reading! See ya’!

[aethon-recs]

This Month (January) in Tomarrymort (1 – 31 January 2025)

So many wonderful fics and updates were posted in January! The Tomarrymort tag on AO3 is officially at 15,508 fics at the time of this posting — after hitting 15,000 only just in mid-December. That’s so many new fics in the last month and a half — congratulations to all the writers in our (no longer so) little ship on all their hard work! 

This post got a bit long and unwieldy since it’s been a few weeks, so I’ve split it up into two parts (Part 1 - completed fics + one shots; Part 2 - ongoing fics). Be sure to check the reblogs or click here for Part 2 (Ongoing fics). I’m going back to a biweekly update schedule after this, sorry to everyone for the delay 🤍

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Tomarrymort Completed Fics

friend of the devil (a friend of mine) by @shyinsunlight (E, 28k, complete)

There’s something very unsettling about Tom Riddle. Whether it’s the way he moves, all long limbs and eerie fluidity, the dissecting gaze he follows them with, or the way he speaks, with an accent that doesn’t match his manners. Maybe it’s how he drinks in Harry’s presence like a religious zealot, or how his eyes wander over Harry’s body as if he’s seen the skin and flesh underneath before.

the horror and the wild by @boyneptunee (NR, 21k, complete)

Time travel AU where there's an antique shop that acts like a portal, a ghoul that behaves like a cat and an armchair that could possibly be a puppy. OR: Harry and Tom find themselves in the middle of a string of murders that threaten to pull them under. They must find the culprits before it's too late.

Lovely Bitter Water by @pagesinmylife (T, 30k, complete)

After stabbing the diary, Harry is haunted by the ghost of sixteen year old Tom Riddle. Unfortunately, he seems to be the only one who can see him. OR: Tom Riddle decides to haunt Harry Potter in order to fill his need for attention and validation. It goes about as well as you'd expect.

Time Stumbler by @wintumnly (T, 126k, complete)

When the enigma named Harry Potter stumbled into his world, Tom couldn't have been more unimpressed. That’s not about to stop Harry from adopting him and changing both of their lives. Harry's mission to stop a future Dark Lord’s murder spree and return to a better future and Tom’s pursuit to rule the world and achieve immortality inevitably clashes, and they’ll end up changing the world together. Hopefully, in Harry’s favor.

Touch of Death by @moontearpensfic (E, 9k, complete)

"I don't want to die," Tom informs Death. After a particularly harsh winter at Wool's, Tom Riddle wants to live forever. He calls to Death to bargain for immortality.

An Exquisite Tomarrymort Corpse 2024 by @exquisitetomarrymortcorpse (NR, 35k, complete)

A collection of 21 artists’ and writers' works spanning almost a year, seamlessly stitched together to create an exquisite Tomarrymort corpse. An Exquisite Corpse is a game in which each participant adds to a fanfiction in sequence by only being allowed to see the end of what the previous person contributed.

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Tomarrymort One Shots

One Shot | strong-armed and dangerous by @duplicitywrites

One Shot | Eternal Hunt by @metalomagnetic

One Shot | pruning shears by @boyneptunee

One Shot | Kill his darlings by @sri-verse

One Shot | The Faculty of Sight by @duplicitywrites

One Shot | housewives' club by esotericmuse

One Shot | Tom Riddle And The Case Of The New Eye-Phone by anonymous

One Shot | say my name (and every color illuminates) by lilacscented

One Shot | 1 in 10 people you know may be an eldritch being by @izharmilgram

One Shot | 5 Reverse Tropes + 1 Trope (OR: The time Tom seduced Harry) by epi_tome

One Shot | tomorrow contains tom by @octoir

One Shot | Ravenous for the Ravishing by @bubbleversity

One Shot | all that is conquered (where we revel in our verities) by @inarticulateimbecile

One Shot | Sell the Sinner the Sins by @neurowriter14

One Shot | Stalker with Benefits by @unrealexistence

One Shot | The Pre-Flight Mile High Club by @moontearpensfic @duplicitywrites

One Shot | you chain me, i chain you by RajaMarika

One Shot | The Manor by @se7enriddles

One Shot | sulphur by @cealesti

One Shot | Beloved by @moontearpensfic

One Shot | How to lose your dignity in 4 steps: Tom Riddle edition by Hina_97

One Shot | I was born depraved (hungry) by lovelycatharsis

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(These following fics updated December 20-31, but I wanted to include these here just in case anyone missed the updates!)

Chapters 66 and 67 of draw me after you (let us run) by @toast-ranger-to-a-stranger

Chapter 4 of Crush by @chiocchi

Chapter 2 of Of a Feather by @officialsporkintheroad

Chapter 2 of Reign by @syntheticsoulmates

Chapter 2 of Time Traveling Tomfoolery by @corpium

Chapters 42 through 53 of Terrible, But Great by @isalisewrites

Chapter 44 of Of Monsters, Of Men by @ca-xan-dra

Chapter 6 of Goodbye Evergreen by @v33r00

Chapter 21 of with eyes like these (who sees anybody else) by @cealesti

Chapter 1 of Anything You Like (Within Reason) by @ramabear

Chapter 65 of Holly & Yew by @lovely-lotus

Chapters 1 and 2 of Igual a morte by Limerencia_Obscura

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[d1gitalwitness]

Love and Justice in Elementary — "The One That Got Away"

I rewatch this episode from time to time, and it strikes me over and again just how committed it is to non-legal means of justice, which is particularly rare given that Elementary technically operates within the copaganda genre (with some room for outliers here and there).

When Kitty is about to murder Gruner, the man who sexually assaulted and tortured her, Sherlock shows up. Typically within the police procedural, Sherlock would be the Character Who Reminds [X] That Killing Is Wrong and Legal Justice is Right. But Sherlock doesn't do any of that. He tells Kitty that she deserves to know that he has found a way to prosecute Gruner. He tells her that this is an option if she doesn't want to wrestle with what it means to take a life. While following the law is not what Sherlock thinks Kitty should do, it is an option nonetheless. What would be unfair, Sherlock understands, is for Kitty to have no way out but to resort to murder.

Kitty responds, "What does that have to do with me? With what he did to me?"

And she's right, prosecuting Gruner has nothing to do with what he did to her. What the police wants is not what she wants. Kitty's assault was a singular event, and only she can determine what justice should be. It's an oddly refreshing take, given that most procedurals would remind to Kitty to uphold the law (e.g. SVU).

Sherlock replies, "Nothing. Everything. Wish I could tell you. If you decide that killing Gruner will make you feel whole again, I won't stop you. But whatever you decide, you will always be my friend."

I've thought a lot about this scene, and how it places Kitty's decision and Sherlock's love at the center of what justice should be. It also brings to the forefront Sherlock's struggle with addiction — he doesn't have many friends which means that his gesture of love is completely genuine. It's a gesture of unconditional love from a stoic man who finds it difficult to love, to a woman whose experience of love has been destroyed by sexual abuse. It doesn't matter to Sherlock if Kitty kills Gruner because the fact that she is his friend will always come first. In the end, Kitty realises that she is offered something she has wanted for so long but thought she couldn't have. That is, someone loves her so much to the point where she feels, for the first time, that she is able to say it back and mean it. So it is beautiful that the episode ultimately conludes with Kitty saying: "Do you know what I haven't said to anyone in a really long time? I love you. Isn't that the saddest thing?"

While the heart of Elementary will always be Sherlock and Watson's relationship, stories like Kitty also reveal that sobriety requires love at its center, and it requires Sherlock to show up for his friends. He is a self proclaimed misanthrope, but his time with Joan has changed him; instead of embracing being a lone genius, he puts in the work to be worthy of the care and love that he receives in return. It may be corny or whatever, but the series is about true and genuine love, the kind that is so huge that it passes on from one person to another, healing everything in it touches.

[really-burnt-toast]

Hi! Can you tell us more about your head canons for Fena and the other special followers you drew a bit back?

You don't know how excited I was to answer this! 🙏

Please allow me to ramble a little, because I decided Im going to go through every NPC / OC I made for cotl, specifically my au!

These are them all! I decided to finally get around to drawing Echo, Latra and the concept for Nalen too!

Imma be writing down a brief history of them along with fun facts/head canons (who are technically canon).

(all of that under cut, tw; mentions of abuse and death) (I may have missed something. Also brief mention of fertility struggles.)

Fena

Let's start with Fena first, cuz she's a fan favorite!

Fena was born in Darkwood within a big family that was traditional and mainly worshipped the old faith for protection. Their village was often the target of wolves (who have connections to the teeth in the darkness). During one of these attacks, the Villagers had to evacuate and thus, Fena's family were forcefully split up. Fena and their sibling had to spend days trying to get to another village, but were caught at night once again. Fena managed to get "rescued" by the old faith - only to be offered as a sacrifice to Leshy. Mellia (my Lamb) saved her. Fena is currently the head of disciples and Loyalty enforcement.

Fun facts: Fena is a trans woman. Fena was once married to Thorantre but got divorced. Fena is Mellia's favorite follower. Fena's sibling was later rescued by the Lamb. Fena has Cynophobia (fear of dogs and canines), but it's most aggressive against Wolves. Fena currently thinks Thyma is a spy.

Other hcs: Jumpy, definitely the type to get scared and then act all tough. Loves her body and is a proud lust rite champion (why she wears a flower crown). Unhealthily cautious. Horrible at flirting. Would probably crack someone's rib while attempting to. Kinda like the thought of her getting too obsessed with finding info about Thyma and then eventually she realizes they have lots in common... Like fuck, that guy is kinda funny and cool but also, he's definitely going to kill someone.

Thyma (real name unknown)

Thyma's story, as per they claim, is;

They were raised in Darkwood by their family/pack and one day an "incident" occured which left their family dead. The Lamb rescued them and promised safety. Thyma is not willing to speak any further on it. He is currently Night patrol and trying to dispel any distrust put against him.

Fun facts: Thyma is a Demiboy, born afab. Thyma has Nyctophobia (fear of the dark) and Insomnia. They chose to be a night guard to be alert at night. They also wear the Moon necklace to be awake 24/7. If they sleep, they do so in the day. Thyma has permanent markings on his face that cannot be removed. He is medically noted to suffer from hallucinations.

(More story to be revealed soon)

Other hcs: Sarcasm king. Also King of internal panic. Definitely gets horrible period cramps. Gets sick of seeing blood. Probably tried going vegan to look less suspicious but ended up horribly sick and malnourished. Tucks tail whenever Fena is near. Besties with Agana. Acts cool and stoic but is actually kinda pathetic. Monologues to himself when patrolling. Stares at bright lights, despite being told it could blind them.

Thorantre

Thorantre was also born in Darkwood. During the Genocide, his family were often harmed due to being mistaken for Sheep-kin. After the death of multiple family members, Thorantre decided to protest against the old faith and stand for the protection of Sheep. For his spreading of "propaganda", he was going to be put to the blade but was fortunate to be trialed at the same time as Mellia was beheaded. They rescued him and he became their first ever follower.

Fun facts: Short-fused and dramatic. Has canonically killed another follower during a petty fight. Doesn't really do his job as a disciple and is only still a disciple for Mellia's sake. Often mistaken for a sheep by the Lamb in moments of unclarity - personal gossip girl and somewhat Therapist to them. Close friends with Fena despite being exes.

Other hcs: Girls girl by heart. Shameless flirt but extremely picky with partners. Divorced because he was too high maintenance. Knows of everyone's business and keeps pulling Agana into gossip. Gets annoyed when people ask him for stuff so he makes them pay him to answer. Will say the most gayest thing followed by the most straightest cis-guy take ever. Will just randomly ditch disciple meetings because he's bored. Also suspicious of Thyma but for no particular reason.

Agana

First born in the Cult, raised to become a disciple. As a child they were wild and unruly but settled down with age and is now determined to befriend every cultist.

Fun facts: Is afab genderqueer. Had a huge crush on Fena growing up. Currently has a little crush on Thyma. Is usually the first to know of ANYTHING happening in the cult, even private happenings. Will often share their own savings with children in the cult. Is pretty forgiving with Tax enforcement.

Other hcs: Chronic simp. Fandom girlie, probably. She's the type to ship people unironically. Probably saw the tension between Thyma and Fena and misinterpreted it. Says "hello fellow kids" but is actually up to date with trends. Has been trying to integrate Thyma more into the group. Probably gets the most affected by sin.

Latra

Born in Silkcradle to a family of Shamura's worshippers. Latra ran away and got married on the outskirts of the domain. Her marriage was cruel and abusive, fueled by her husband's growing rage of her infertility. Despite praying daily, no one had come to save her and so she took matters into her own hands. One night she plotted to kill her husband but was caught, resulting in a fight to the death where she was the victor. Latra dragged herself away with two of her limbs damaged beyond repair and managed to run into the Lamb. She was taken into the cult and became a Missionary, as her knowledge from Silkcradle aided her skills. She has been in the cult since the first crusade through Silkcradle and has been resurrected multiple times. Currently she is in retirement again.

Fun facts: Latra was offered a position as disciple but declined. She is known to delay retirement until physically impossible to work. She originally didn't worship the Lamb, but ended up doing so after many years of staying. Latra was one of the people to dissent from Shamura's curse. Currently engaged to Echo.

Other hcs: Has had rumors go around about her past. Has been working with children and has been helping rehabilitate rescues. Has babysat a few times before. Actually great at flirting but prefers pulling dad jokes and bad flirts. Wanted children but gave up on it due to her age. Actually best friends with the Lamb. Only didn't accept discipleship because she is worried about her own reputation straining Mellia's reputation.

Echo

Born in Anchordeep before it had that name and before Kallamar had the crown. Experienced first hand his climb for power and the subsequent events that shaped the downfall of the old faith. Was also a disciple for a short while before becoming a field medic during the genocide of Sheep kind. Echo married the general of their group and the two along with a troop were sent to patrol Anchordeep. That continued even after Mellia was resurrected and started killing the bishops. Once Kallamar started growing paranoid and cowardly, Echo started to question the strength of their god. That was met with backlash and after a huge fight in the group, Echo stayed back a bit. Eventually they found their group having been attacked by the Lamb and Echo mercy killed whoever was still alive. Echo dissented against Kallamar and was later found by Latra during a Mission. Echo was indoctrinated and became the cult nurse.

Fun facts: Echo is intersex. Echo is considered to be mute, but has the ability to talk. They only talk to Latra, Mellia and Kallamar (to screw with him). Echo is widely known to be an asshole, but is the most respected nurse in the cult. Echo suffers from mild PTSD. Is currently Latra's personal caretaker and has been trying to convince her to accept the golden skull necklace Mellia offered her (which is included in discipleship).

Other hcs: Fell in love after having to pull an arrow from Latra's shoulder. Has to go in evacuation after being flirted with because they are worried they'll explode (they won't). Academically smart but Interpersonally stupid. Can communicate with sign language but rather uses their expressions to communicate their opinions. Had begged multiple times for Mellia to resurrect Latra whenever she died. Has been secretly trying to figure out an early form of Fertility treatments in order to grant Latra the wish of having children. Also has been looking into adopting.

Nalen (real name unknown)

(This character is currently still a character concept and might change with time.)

Born and raised in the Lands of the old faith after the Bishops had already died. He was raised as a pup to become a spy that would sneak into the Red crowns cult to find any special information that could allow the old faith to overthrow them. He managed to sneak in during a time where the cult was facing a hectic time - entering with a group of people who were starving and asking to be indoctrinated. Able to avoid detection for a full two years now due to building trust and reliability, building relationships and faking worship. His mind hasn't even been read once yet due to Mellia struggling with their new godhood. Perfect time, perfect alibi.

Fun facts: I don't really have any yet, so I'll offer the description of the concept; I wanted a spy character that looks like they could just be any other cultist and who's a species that's both unassuming but reliable and easily trainable. So the golden retriever it was. And while all followers of the Lamb have a red base, his base colour was dark purple.

(same with hcs, but you know the stories of band kids just pretending to play the instrument all year? Kinda that. Him praying and just mumbling the words bc he has no clue what's going on. It's a miracle he made it this far.)

(Also, sorry for the lack of pictures but I got too impatient and wanted to answer as quickly as possible LOL)

[8ysharkstar]

[ Shadow Milk Cookie × reader ]

" won't you be my prom queen/King? " / “ Right now your mine “

> Fluff, yandere-ish?

TW; SPOILERS TO SOME PART OF THE LORE, EP 7 SPOILER, YANDEREISH SHADOW MILK.

RcmSong;

A. Prom Queen - Insane Clown Posse

B. Rule #34 - fish inside a bird cage

☆;

Oh he was more than in love with you, he was more of a delusional side. He just wants to hold you down to him, get you by his side by lying, spreading misinformation. Just for you to let go of pure vanillas hold of trust between both of you.

You were his joy, pride, prize, his own trophy.

; you were apart of the gingerbrave and friends gang, with pure vanilla on your side, nothing can go wrong when both of you guys went to the spire of shadows, which is shadow milks kingdom area. Everything seemed like Erie aura, seeing a rabbit with an axe was the first thing you saw in your life. Was it odd? Most likely, but this place is odd itself, even the inside of the castle.

Have you seen it yet? Something odd about this place. You guys were right, the place itself is weird, even the inside the castle.

Apple faerie cookie sounded different with that crumbled cookie. Was it really odd that her presence was different..?

…

You guys felt tired for exploring for a while, with the wolfperd, crumbled cookie, enemies being shaped like a jester.

You wanted to forget all of that and get to sleep to ease up for tomorrow.

Slumbering with your friends

it is difficult to sleep in this kind of environment. With the kind of tricks he can pull out, even one of your friends could secretly be one, but you don’t Believe in that.

“ Y/N cookie! Are you awake? “

Cheerful voice filled your ears, apple faerie cookie seemed very awake.

“ what seems to be the issue apple faerie? “

“ may I show you something that I found? It won’t take long, promise! “

…

You go on follow her ahead, behind her tracks, following her footsteps.

‘ never has I ever seen this part of this area, what has she found? ‘

“ right on this hallway! “

It was dark, long, eire hallway, Weird isn’t. Still can’t see it? Maybe if you look very closely, and you’ll find out eventually.

“ aww! My sweet y/n cookie, your finally here! Thanks to my sweet little companion, she was able to get her trickery to be lured here! “

“ Kya ha ha ha! Anything for you, Shadow Milk Cookie! “

Froze like the dead, couldn’t BELIVE you have trusted her. It’s always been there, but you just never look forward to it. Was it really the end?

“ now that I have you, may I please make you one of US? “

Option A; Refuse.

What’s the cause if you refuse to? Maybe putting inside a cage will be his first thought, watching you, as you have horrified eyes.

Your freedom is in my thread! Merely crumbling your insides APART.

Option B; Accept.

Your one of his personal ones, you are his precious, you work for him. You die for him. You kill for him. You’re now his little pet toy.

Took inspo from @brittle-doughie btw! :3

[kittyminion]

big-headed

counselor!sevika x fem!reader

-explicit 18+, smut, fluff, angst, very non-canon, sevika is in her 20s -you and sevika had a long and intense relationship, until she became a counselor, big-headed from the status of her position, so after a heated argument, the relationship ends, so how will sevika get you back? -word count: 5.5k

The last Drop reeked of alcohol, smoke, and the faint smell of piss, but you loved it wholeheartedly.

You especially loved the way the door would slam open, bringing in a cool breeze and the stuffy air of the Lanes, the hustle and bustle behind the counter as Violet slid behind you, grabbing a heavy bottle of alcohol and tipping it inside a glass cup.

Jinx lingered near the bar, hands battering at a new bomb, and every time it would sputter or pop, releasing heavy bouts of smoke, the patrons nearby glared at Jinx, but as soon as she connected her hazy-purple eyes with their own, they'd ignore her tinkering and continue with their gambling.

You'd grown up with Violet, Jinx, and the others during the war between Piltover and the Underground, you're parents being killed when you were a child. You were barely able to scrounge up enough money on your own, nor take care of yourself.

You liked to forget those times though and instead relish in the memory of Vander by spending most of your days in the Last Drop with Vi, wishing things were normal.

Just as you wiped your hands on a discarded rag, ready to end your shift for the day, the door to the tavern was shoved open and a group of men wafted in, taking heavy seats at empty booths and tables.

Vi gave you a pleading glance, "stay please?" You let out a sigh, but nodded nonetheless, grabbing a pitcher of beer and a handful of glasses to hand out.

"If you got off of your ass, Jinx, maybe we could get more done." You called gruffly, a teasing tone to your voice, but Jinx rolled her eyes, picking at her manicured nails with a scoff, "you're the one who wanted to take over the 'family' business," she said sarcastically.

Taking your rounds throughout the tables, you stopped at one in the far back, a bunch of men crowded around it, including her. She clutched cards in her grasp, a cigarette hanging loosely between her lips as she smirked.

When Sevika saw you approach, her smirk increased, into an almost sickly-sweet smile, but she didn't say a word as you refilled her glass, mumbling curses under your breath. "What is that, sweetheart?" Sevika teased, flicking ash from her cigarette and placing it in a nearby ashtray.

"I said: you've been here for hours, isn't there something you should be doing right now? You're a fucking counselor, for Gods sake." She rolled her pretty gray eyes and placed her cards down, cautious of anyone seeing. The men around her groaned, but she shut them up with a single look and stood, towering over you easily, your eyes connected with hers like beams of light.

She leaned closer, enough for you to smell the tobacco and mint of her breath, "miss me, sweetheart?" Her eyes flashed with excitement and you scoffed, angry.

Months ago, when Vander had died for a third time and Piltover was overrun with metal creatures, Sevika took up her counselor position as an advocate for Zaun. You'd had a pretty intense relationship with her over the years, consisting of kissing, fucking, and the occasional I love you's, but once she left, nothing went back to normal.

Every time you saw her in topside, she'd ignore your presence, and just recently when she continued her escapades in Zaun did she continue her daily games at the tavern, and therefore, continued talking to you.

She'd thrown you aside like trash, but still expected you to continue running back to her like a little puppy. But you didn't stand for it. You may have really cared for her at one point, but now she was just a forgotten lover.

Sevika followed you towards the bar, sliding onto a stool next to Jinx, who sparred her a sidelong glance before she started speaking to Vi.

"Why would I miss you, Sevika?" You questioned honestly, your eyes hard and unrevealing as you watched her, your hands working at cleaning and shining glasses.

"I missed you." Her voice was soft and low as she said it, her mechanical, freshly repaired arm (thanks to Jinx), leaning against the counter, still shining with neon crayons.

"Don't be a fucking dick, 'Vika. You left me, not the other way around. I visited you in Piltover, when you got your luxury apartment and new clothes, and shit, but you pushed me out. Fucked another woman all the while you told me you loved me."

You spoke in a hushed, but hasty tone, ready to end the conversation. You stepped away from where Sevika was sitting to serve another patron, and thankfully she didn't stop you, her bicep straining as she curled her hand into a tight fist.

You didn't care much for her show of anger though. She had nothing to be angry about. What you said was truthful, you went to her apartment, barring gifts and a cunning smile, ready to climb into her arms as you'd done weeks before, before everything went to shit.

But Sevika had another woman there, a pretty thing with colorful hair and a perfect body that had you tingling with insecurity. The girl smiled at you and hugged you, welcoming you into Sevika's apartment like she herself lived there.

But as soon as Sevika saw you standing there, discontent in your eyes, she shooed you away, yelling hurtful words to keep you gone.

And it worked.

You inhaled deeply, filling another cup of beer. A strong gaze was upon your body, and had been since you'd been pouring drinks. You glanced up, your breath hitching when you saw Sevika watching you intently.

Her eyebrows were quarked, eyes hard, but sparkling with emotion. Her neck was slender, the side of her face marked with the scar that streaked down into her collar. Her chest was rising and falling quickly, she looked calm, but you saw her for what she was; nervous and guilty.

"When will you too fuck it out?" Jinx shouted suddenly, standing up with a slam, staring between you and Sevika with a deep frown.

Vi was standing a little ways away, chuckling with Ekko, who had just arrived, his pale white-yellow hair pulled back with a hair tie. He sidled next to Jinx and smirked, "they'll only move at their own pace. Ready to go?" Jinx inhaled deeply, attempting to calm herself down, then she nodded, allowing Ekko to lead her out.

The Last Drop was beginning to close, patrons trickling out in groups and as time moved past, it was only Sevika, VIolet, and you.

Sevika was nodding stiffly to the low music echoing throughout the tavern, while Vi was wiping down tables and flipping off lights.

Sevika suddenly called your name. You had no means of ignoring her, because you weren't busy, just waiting for Vi to finish up so you both could travel to topside and meeting Caitlyn at her family estate, she gladly gave up a room for you eversince the topside war, and you were plenty grateful to escape the dusty air of Zaun, but you returned everyday nonetheless so it made no difference.

"Yes?" You mumbled, following Vi out of the tavern. She was ahead of the two of you, wanting to escape your conversation with Sevika, but also not wanting to leave you behind.

"You know I didn't sleep with her right?" She nudged you with her arm and you froze, turning to her with a sneer. Before she knew it, you had shoved her. Of course, she didn't move an inch, but you did it again and again until she took a meager step back and glared at you.

"You really think I give a fuck whether or not you slept with her, 'Vika? I care about what you said about me, in front of her! You barred a secret I'd told you in private and you embarrassed me! You threw me onto the streets when you finally got recognition from topside like I was just a whore for you to fuck when you pleased!"

Vi winced ahead of you and continued walking without turning back, but she slumped against a brick wall, waiting for you to join her.

"I was your girlfriend, Sevika!"

Sevika placed her hand against her chest as if she'd been wounded, "I let the power get to my head, sweetheart. I lost sight of what mattered, but I'm sorry, alright? It won't ever happen again."

You chuckled humorlessly, "I know it won't." You continued your way towards Vi, leaving Sevika behind, and she didn't bother to follow you.

𐙚

A week had went by since you'd seen Sevika.

Time seemed to move by slowly though, and you'd caught yourself replaying the fight over and over again in your head.

Vi volunteered to open the Last Drop for the week, so that saved you from waking up so early like you usually did. Now, you sat in the reading room inside Caitlyn's estate, browsing for a new apartment.

It had been long overdue for you to move solitarily and you wanted somewhere in between Piltover and Zaun. You'd already toured an apartment and its complex, and it was quite a luxurious building with modern appliances and services within the building.

Once you put in your offer, hopefully you'd receive the keys within the week and could move all your furniture from your old, destroyed place in Zaun.

Just as you left the estate, intent on grabbing breakfast at a diner down the street, you saw Sevika, leaning against the iron gates as if she owned the place.

She dropped her cigarette and stomped on it as you approached, her short-cut hair fluttering in the breeze. Sevika wore a simple outfit, a gray tank top that matched her eyes and a pair of leather pants that were a bit baggy, but enough to cover the tops of her boots.

"Morning, sweetheart." Her voice was lazy as she said it and you rolled your eyes, "how'd you know I was here?" She smirked at the question, threading her hand into her pocket while her mechanical one hung lazily beside her.

"Dumb luck. I wanted to take you out for breakfast, and apologize again."

"The other one was ass." She nodded in agreement, lip curling a bit before she inhaled deeply and turned her eyes towards you, looking you up and down.

Her eyes flashed at the sight of your cleavage and thighs and when you noticed, you delivered a sharp slap to her chest, to which she apologized, clutching one of her boobs.

She followed you to the diner and you both sat in a booth towards the back, scanning the menus in silence.

When Sevika decided what to order, she crossed her arms atop the table and watched you like she did a week ago in the tavern.

"What?" You muttered, folding your menu and placing it aside. You honestly didn't know why you wanted to give her the time of day, maybe it was the memories that filled your mind or the desire that pooled in your belly every time you saw her.

Either way, you said nothing as she attempted her apology again, this time sincere and serious.

"Like I said before, I was high off the praise. I'd moved up from a fucking babysitter for Silco to a counselor in Piltover. I'd never expected that, but it gave me more opportunity to fix Zaun. I liked sitting in the meetings, watching the other Pilties sneer at me. My head was big and my ego was bigger. You were busy with the bar, and I felt on top of the world, so I went to a nightclub, saw that girl and brought her home. I intended to fuck her," she said it with guilt, her eyes avoiding yours, "but, I couldn't. I kept thinking of you, seeing you. I heard your moans, felt your skin, saw your perfect imperfections. I was angry, upset and fucking horny, so when you showed up, I lashed out. I said hurtful things and I regretted it when you left. I'm sorry wholeheartedly and I wish I'd never done any of it."

You'd been picking at your nails throughout her confession, watching the pieces of keratine fall into your lap. Your eyes were wet and blurry, but you still felt the burn of anger and betrayal in your heart

Sevika reached across the table and grabbed your hands, covering them with her own. Her lip was between her teeth, gnawing on it anxiously.

You lifted your gaze, "you better fucking beg for my forgiveness."

𐙚

A few months later had passed. You hadn't seen Sevika since you'd stormed out of the diner, tears streaking down your face as your shoulders shook with sobs.

She tried to chase you down, pull you into her arms, but you likened her touch to a cage and forced her away saying you needed time to think, breath, anything that didn't include you + Sevika.

You'd moved into your new apartment, lessened your hours at The Last Drop and focused more on your personal life, which included partying, fucking, and drinking until you could barely stand up straight.

You watched Vi fight occasionally in the pits, helped Caitlyn continue to dismantle Hextech all the while searching for Viktor and Jayce. You visited Jinx and Ekko in Zaun just to catch up and mostly, you sat silently in your apartment, wondering what to do with your life next.

One evening, when you'd decided it was time to head to the Last Drop, you slinked through the alleys within the Lanes to arrive quicker.

It was considerably dark this time of day, the only light coming from candles and lightbulbs hung on buildings and houses.

Trash lined the alleys, dozens of people either laid out within or stuck to corners with flasks of alcohol, rummaging through trash cans for food.

You were familiar with this though, considering you grew up in this environment. Vander always made sure you'd never been the one starving though.

Just as you turned a corner, the Last Drop looming a dozen feet away, three men jumped out in front of you, sinful smiles upon their faces as they looked you up and down hungrily.

They were most likely looking for something valuable to pawn, but you had nothing of the sort, your bag filled with junk. Your heart pounded with adrenaline as you wrenched out a dagger, ready to defend yourself. "You strayed to far from topside, Piltie." One growled, moving closer, reaching into his pocket and drawing his own weapon.

You chuckled at his words, "little do you know." The three men crowded towards you, like wolves surrounding prey, and just as the first reached towards you, you slammed the hilt of your blade into his jaw, knocking him onto his ass.

Another men let out a gasp of surprise, throwing himself at you and successfully pinning you against the wall, but you barred your blade, swiping it in each and every direction until you finally hit flesh.

Blood hit the ground in a heep, and you wrenched your blade out of the mans abdomen.

The final thief was big and burly, a bear of man that scared you and froze the blood in your viens, but you held strong, avoiding a punch to your stomach.

He grasped onto your jacket and wrapped his hand around your throat, lifting you up and shoving you against the brick wall behind you, therefore cutting off your breathing.

"A little bitch you are." He spat, hot, rancid breath making your eyes water.

Just as he reached into your bag, he was pulled away from you, a metal shark covered in neon colors latching onto his arm and ripping it to shreds.

Sevika chuckled at his screams, delivering a harsh punch to his jaw, then kicking him again and again until he was passed out, mouth open and blood spilling from his body.

You were leaning against the wall, heaving, a violent bruise around your throat.

Sevika crouched next to you, pushing your hair away from your face, her freezing cold hand brushing against the bruises. Her face was screwed up angrily, her eyes soft and hurt, for you.

"I'll take you to my place." You didn't complain, allowing her to pull you onto your feet and steady you, sneering at the men laid out. You wrapped a hand around her waist, shivering and angry.

"You held your own out there." She said, glancing down at you. You shook your head with a sardonic smile, "shouldn't have had to though. I thought you were improving things." You said it to hurt her, but it didn't work and she rolled her eyes, "I can't force people to not commit crimes. Besides, you can't teach an old dog new tricks."

You agreed with her at the very least, not saying anything as she threw a hand over your shoulder and pulled you closer, into a sort of hug. But you needed it, so you kept quiet and returned it, pulling the two of you closer until it was a proper hug.

Your head was resting against her bosom as tears clouded your vision. She pressed her lips against your ear and whispered, "it'll be alright, sweetheart."

𐙚

Sevika's apartment was extremely cluttered, piles of clothes strewn around, dirty dishes piled up in the sink and an unmade bed that smelt like dust.

"Fuck, 'Vika." You said glancing around and she huffed out a sigh, pushing the front door shut and throwing her keys in a catch-all bowl nearby.

She reached under the sink in the kitchen and grabbed a first aid kit, then pulled out an icepack and stuck it in the freezer for you.

You sat down on the velvet-black couch in her living room and leaned your head back, your temples pounding with irritation and the starting bouts of a headache.

Sevika came behind you, her fingers grasping onto the zipper of your jacket as she tugged it down. She pulled the sleeves down your arms and threw it over a chair then stared down at you, her figure upside down, making her frown look like a smile.

"Is the bruise bothering you?" She ran her cold fingers over it and you shivered, eyes falling shut as you exhaled, propping your feet onto the coffee table and nodding stiffly, "yes, my throat is a bit sore as well."

Sevika disappeared into the kitchen and returned ten minutes later with a fresh cup of tea and the ice pack from earlier.

This was your favorite side of Sevika, but it was rare and you never saw it when she was out in public. She loved to take care of you though, whether that was making meals, massaging your feet, starting your warm baths, or doing your laundry.

You hadn't seen this side of her in almost six months, but you were grateful for the familiarity. It made your heart fuzzy and warm and staved off your building headache.

Sevika pressed the ice pack to the base of your throat, then handed you the cup of tea and jumped over the couch to sit beside you. You hummed in approval as the tea touched your tongue and Sevika smiled, head tilting fondly as she grabbed the remote and flicked on a random channel on the television.

Before you realized it, you had pulled your legs over her lap, your hand gently unlatching Sevika's mechanical arm as you normally did after a long day.

She said nothing as you placed it against the coffee table then pushed yourself into her side, your head lolling on her shoulder lazily.

She wished she could pulled you against her tighter, but she didn't want to overstep so she allowed you to move at your own pace.

As the sun became lower and lower and the clock stuck nine p.m, Sevika had grabbed a cigarette from her pocket and lit it swiftly, sucking on it for a few seconds before she exhaled, the smoke wafting around the two of you in clouds.

"Will you stay tonight?" She whispered, afraid of the answer, but you nodded, surprising her. Sevika wanted to ask why you'd changed your mind on being around her, but she knew at any moment, while you were in your vulnerable state, that you could lash out and forever give up on her, so she kept quiet.

Soon after she had ushered you into the bathroom and started the shower. Sevika gave you a pair of her sweatpants and a large white t-shirt to wear, and she laughed when they hung off your hips loosely, revealing the soft skin there.

You climbed into her bed (after changing the sheets) and waited for her to finish her shower, and once she was done, you basically swooned at the sight of her.

Her skin was still damp, the golden tone of it more pronounced because of the warm lighting of her room. Her hair was damp and streaky across her face, her gray eyes tired and low. Sevika wore only a black sports bra, revealing her toned belly and that damn happy trail leading into a pair of sweatpants.

Your eyes were clinging to her like a leech sucked on skin, but she said nothing, throwing her dirty clothes aside, to which you scoffed, "if you and I were living together, it damn sure wouldn't look like this."

She laughed, climbing in next to you and nodding, "organization gets thrown out the window when you become a counselor."

You smiled a bit, "Counselor 'VIka?" She flushed, a purplish tone covering the apples of her cheeks. You seemed to be the lone person who could make her blush, but she covered it easily by chuckling and turning her head away.

"So... are we back?" It was a cautious question, but Sevika didn't want to upset you.

You scoffed, "no, Sevika. It takes more than you saving me from some criminals for us to fix our broken relationship."

"Then what will it take?" You heard the frustration in her voice, but you didn't care. "A date maybe?"

Her face flashed with surprise, but she smirked nonetheless, "fine, how about Saturday at seven. I'll come grab you from your apartment."

"And how do you know where my apartment is?" You quarked your eyebrow at her, your eyes shining with humor, but she just shrugged, "I have my ways."

That night you two curled in each others arms like nothing had ever changed and the next morning you brushed your teeth alongside each other and spoke about mundane things that had happened within the last few weeks.

You helped massage Sevika's injury sight at her shoulder, applying her usual cream to improve the mild pain she still had some days. Then you latched on her mechanical arm and greased the gears. You did it without complaint, because honestly, you enjoyed helping her.

She walked you to your apartment then left you with a single kiss to the corner of your mouth, all you allowed her, even though you desired more.

You just couldn't make all the hurt and anger from her past discretions disappear, so you'd make her work for your forgiveness.

It'd be like the two of you falling in love again, or at least that's what you wanted.

𐙚

Another week had past, full of you bartending at the Last Drop, looking for ways to pass time, and wishing Saturday would come quicker.

You were anticipating you and Sevika's date, mostly because the two of you had never really went out on dates, save for a few times in the beginning of your relationship.

But, the both of you were homebodies, preferring to spend intimate time at home rather than going out into the city. Besides, Sevika was often busy with Silco or Jinx, while you visited Vi in prison or maintained the Last Drop, despite you only being a teenager.

When Saturday finally rolled around you spent most of your time sitting around, deciding what to wear. Sevika would most likely take you somewhere private, instead of a public place like a restaurant, so you wore something casual, but sexy enough to show your skin; a simple blood red tank top with a v-neckline and a pair of simple leather short and sheer tights.

As seven p.m. slowly approached you sat around, waiting.

You were honestly excited, mostly to get back to normal with Sevika and sit under her like a puppy.

When she finally knocked on the door, you jumped up, grabbing your bag and jacket and opening the door.

She smiled when she saw you, her arm raised against the doorjamb as she looked up and down your figure, her eyes hungry and lustful. Sevika clamped a hand on your hip, "you look beautiful, sweetheart."

You blushed at her flirty words, pulling the door shut behind you and locking it swiftly.

Sevika threw her arms across your shoulder and started up conversation, "how has your day been?" You shrugged, "fine, but boring. I've just been sitting around all day."

"I bet you're wondering where we're going."

"Of course I am." She smirked at your answer, kicking a pebble.

Sevika guided you near the bridge between Zaun and Piltover, before you crossed, she took you down a sleep flight of stairs that led the the water bank.

There, under the bridge laid a plaid blanket with a woven picnic basket on top. "Is this..." you trailed off, heart jumping at the scene. You walked closer, your feet sinking in sand and dirt, then you turned to Sevika and she was watching your reaction tentatively, one side of her mouth quirked into a mischievous smile.

"Do you like it?" You nodded your head, watching her sit beside you and lift the top of the picnic basket, retrieving sandwiches wrapped in plastic. She handed you a plate and served you the sandwiches, fresh fruit and crackers, then she set aside a small portion of your favorite cake.

You cooed at the display, pinching her cheeks with a teasing smile. Sevika slapped your hands away a playful sneer upon her face, but she blushed nonetheless, moving closer to you, her leg propped up to support her elbow.

"This is sweet, 'Vika. You've never done something like this before." Her hand brushed your arm and goosebumps covered your body, making your hair stand on edge, but you ignored your body and took a bite from your sandwich, your mind calm from the heavy thunder of incoming waves nearby.

"Will you work in the Last Drop forever?" Sevika questioned, cheeks full.

"I'm not sure. I don't want it to give it up, because it was Vander's you know, but it's not my passion. Half of the time I dread going there. If it wasn't for Vi, i'd be gone a while ago."

"Vander would've understood if you sold it." She muttered, eyes downturned.

You nudged her arm, "he would have forgiven you. You just wanted better for Zaun, and you thought Silco was the best person for that." Sevika nodded, inhaling deeply, "sometimes I wonder what would have happened if he were still alive."

"I honestly don't know. Maybe Jinx would still be Powder, or you wouldn't be a counselor." You picked at a loose thread on your shorts and Sevika grabbed your knee with her mechanical hand and you looked over at her.

"We won't dwell on it." You nodded.

A little later and all the food was gone. Sevika had served you a second slice of cake and down you were both lying on the bank, staring up at the silvery moon, your head resting against her chest as you listened to the steady beat of her heart.

She was playing with your hair, threading her fingers through it and tugging gently. It wasn't until you glanced up at her that she snapped out of whatever memory she was in and looked back at you, her gray eyes big and full of secrets.

They crinkled with a grin and you reached up, brushing a delicate finger over her cheek bones, your fingers falling lower until you touched her lips.

Sevika just watched you quietly, little shivers going up and down her body as you lifted yourself up and lowered your lips down against hers.

It was a slow and hesitant kiss, almost like the both of you couldn't fathom that you were here, doing this.

Sevika cupped your jaw, lifting up and taking her place above you, her fingers gentle upon her face as she clutched it, devouring you whole.

Her lips trailed down your neck and sucked hard and fast until a love bite was visible, then she moved to that divot right above your collarbone, and she kissed it fingers threading under your shirt as she clutched your boobs, twisting thew hard pebbles of your nipples until you moaned, head thrown back in the sand as you tugged at her short hair.

"Does that feel good, sweetheart?" She muttered, lips vibrating against your skin and you nodded, tugging your shirt above your head impatiently and she chuckled, amused, then latched her mouth around your boob, flicking your nipple with your tongue while her arm wrapped around your waist, mechanical hand wrapped around your throat to keep you from writhing.

"Fuck, Sevika!" You spat, inhaling deeply. She removed her lips from your breasts and groped them roughly, her other hand working at the confined of your pants.

"I've missed you, sweetheart. The way you taste, the way you look, how you sound when I fuck you." Sevika pulled your pants down and teased your clit through your panties, quieting your moans with a kiss.

She clutched your ass then slid the rest of the way down your body and inhaled the scent of your cunt, smiling in satisfaction. "So fucking beautiful, lovie."

Sevika pushed your panties aside and locked her mouth around your cunt, flicking your clit while she slurped up your wetness.

You could barely sit still, grabbing at the sand, fingers tangled in her hair while she ravaged at your cunt with a newfound hungriness. You could feel your belly becoming tight, your muscles locking up and your mouth falling up awaiting your orgasm, but before you could burst, Sevika pulled away.

You complained, eyes opening as you watched her grab her bag and rummage through it before she pulled out a strap, a medium-sized, but long thing she'd used on you plenty of times.

Sevika pulled her pants and underwear down, revealing your favorite crop of dark hair on her cunt. You smirked at the sight, watching her tightened the strap around herself then she grabbed the base of it and alined the tip with your cunt.

You spread your legs obediently, one knee hitched over her shoulder. She licked her lips and kissed you, drowning out your pained moans as she slowly slid her dick inside of you and thrust her hips ever so slightly until she saw your eyes roll back in pleasure.

Sevika couldn't keep her eyes away from your face as she fucked you, slowly, but deep enough for your body to spasm each time she reached deep inside you.

You groped at her boobs, twisting her nipples to give her at least a bit of pleasure, but you promised to make it up to her after you came. Sevika picked up the pace, her hips snapping into the soft flesh of your ass with soft splattered. She gripped onto the fat of your hips and groaned as you lifted her shirt and popped a nipple into your mouth.

"Sevika, I'm close." You announced, voice raising a pitch as your eyes fluttered closed and you collapsed back against the sand of the bank, touching any part of her you could.

"You're close, lovie, perfect." She grunted, snapping her hips into yours once before you let out a long and loud moan that picked at the perfect parts of her pain. She collapsed on top of you, still thrusting to chase your high.

The both of you were panting heavily, your hands running across Sevika's sweaty forehead, then you kissed her cheek and flipped the two of you over, leaning above her as you unlatched the strap and placed it aside.

Sevika watched as you brushed her clit, masked by the thick hair of her cunt, but you dug a finger inside her, smirking at the dripping wetness. Sevika moaned, letting out a vulgar curse before she closed her eyes and allowed you to fuck her.

You pressed your other palm against her abdomen, pressing down gently as you stuck another finger inside her, thrusting quicker and quicker until she was panting, moaning, skin on fire and dripping with sweat as sand stuck to her naked body.

Her telltale sign of orgasm was the bunching of her body then the quick release when she threw her head back, hand tightening around your wrist as she wrenched your fingers out of her, thick evidence of her orgasm glistening around her cunt.

You laid next to her and smiled, kissing her again, your legs tangling with hers.

"Do you forgive me now?" She brushed a hand over your jaw and you chuckled.

"Of course, big head."

[thetadispatcher]

Vincent glanced at the remaining stranger in the room, deciding she likely wasn't going to do anything, and even if she did Dan was close enough to put a quick end to it.

So the AP700 allowed himself to relax and put more of his focus on watching the other android work, he'd rather concentrate on that then any thoughts that might pop into his head, as they never seemed to go anywhere good.

Hugh could easily guess Nines was already picking apart the human at the table, even if the RK900 showed no change in demeanor. It was just something the android did to new people.

"Maybe, but she is keeping Sixty occupied at the moment, which is perfectly fine with me." Nines would rather have someone keeping Sixty busy as the RK800 always seemed to like following him around, something he didn't much enjoy due to Sixty feeling the need to talk about random subjects he could care less about.

John shifted his attention from Nines to Bishop at the remark about military units. "Well, Hugh is the one who has to call you out, not me. He was built purely for combat, hence his much larger body. I was built to handle tasks given to Navy Seals, so I am capable of interrogation if need be." The android explained as Nines swapped seats with Hugh.

"I am a prototype called a Myrmidon, and Hugh is the other prototype called the Trojan." He motioned to the larger android as he took a seat back on the floor.

"I...suppose that's true." Strasky went silent as he felt he needed time to think, and he really didn't have much else he felt he needed to say, at least on the current subject.

He shifted his attention to Sixty who seemed unbothered by the subject they'd been discussing, if anything he felt the android had just tuned them out and was off in his own little world.

He had a feeling the RK800 would join them if they discussed something else, but he really didn't know what else to talk about, or even what Sixty would like talking about. The android hadn't dropped any hints at his personal preferences, and he seemed to like jumping into discussions rather then starting them. So Strasky decided he'd leave the android to his own devices for the time being, they really didn't need Sixty's help with anything anyways.

"Maybe, it's hard for me to say if they will." Dan may have seen the interactions Strasky had with his coworkers, but he wasn't about to judge them based on that alone. He'd been around enough humans to know some could lie and act very well, without any thought as to how it might affect someone if they found out.

"Does she listen in on your conversations a lo-AH!" Dan cut himself off with a startled yell as he turned his head, finally catching sight of the android that had walked up behind him. The PL600 promptly punched through the basement wall, barely stopping himself from hitting his intended target.

The android seemed unbothered as he stood patiently, looking expectantly at Dan.

Dan jerked his arm free of the wall as his LED started flashing yellow, quickly answering the androids contacting him that everything was fine and no one had been hurt. "I-god damn it-hi..." He turned his focus to the other android, looking mildly annoyed as he took the notepad from the other unit to write on it, then handed it back.

He watched the other android nod then hurry off happily, shaking his head with a sigh before looking at the hole he'd punched through the brickwork. "Sorry about that." He apologized as he turned back to Rook. "That can be fixed, it's...fine, I guess. Not the first time I've caused property damage, and definitely won't be the last." Usually the damage was just Dan ripping off doors, but maybe the construction androids would be happy to know they didn't have to fix another door.

The android seemed satisfied nonetheless. He wasn't a master at conversation either and was fine as long as Vincent gave him enough to understand what he meant.

If he was comfortable with just a few words, Vincent could also get there eventually and it'd be fine.

Now he just had to not mess this design up.

Bishop only slightly nodded at the explanation. He still had to keep up the facade to not let himself get away.

"Very well. Although, in the future, you should go after the pink cyborg that came along with us. She might provide a fairer challenge."

Or she would cheat by messing with Nines' circuits, which was just fine with him as well.

"Though I take it military models aren’t that well trained to handle interrogations."

He might as well throw in a little jab at John as well.

"Let’s not worry about the details now. What matters is that you keep trying and remind yourself that there are people who like you exactly the way you are." Willow replied, before tilting her head slightly, "You escaped the WAU. It'd be a shame if you'd now be lost to those doubts that are tormenting you."

With that, she went back to browsing the plushies.

"It's good you're telling me these things. I've got my phone here, Willow's probably listening too." Rook said, "At least now I know I'm not the problem. I guess figuring this out will be the next step once his friends are sorted out. Maybe they'll finally return the favor and take care of the guy who erased himself to worry about their problems instead."

[kii-nami]

NIGHTBRINGER'S EPITAPH | PHAINON & MYDEI

Mydei drops Phainon’s title shamelessly, as if he is not standing here in this empty alleyway with you, holding you in his embrace so delicately behind Phainon’s back. Have you two no guilt? Does your shame really run that shallow to betray the man who loves you so dearly with such graceful ease? With his brother in arms, no less. How little self-respect does the crown prince have, to chase after a taken woman?

CW: 10K WORDS; ; FEM!MC; MC IS INVOLVED WITH BOTH OF THEM AT THE SAME TIME BUT FUJOS DNI; NO ACTUAL CHEATING; PART OF A WIDER HSR AU BY ME AND MY FRIEND; WRITTEN FROM A POV OF MY OTHER OC FROM THIS FIC; I AM NOT A HONKAI LORE SCHOLAR I'M SIMPLY FREAKY; IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS FEEL FREE TO ASK

They meet you for the first time with the fog of the hot water settling heavily in their lungs.

Burdened by her unavoidable involvement with this world’s struggles, Stelle is a little tense beside Shuhua. Their close brush with death – curtsy of Aglaea’s fierce dedication to protecting the secrets of Amphoreus – left the group somewhat shaken. Everything has been overwhelming ever since the cart crash-landed; so much so that Alisa started doubting Stelle’s decision to stay, instead of returning back to the train.

Despite accepting and enjoying her life of Trailblaze, this time things felt somewhat different. There was too much at stake to simply vanish and end up dead now. And they just had to get stranded without any way to contact the Express and leave sick March behind to be looked after by that suspicious Memokeeper hitching a ride.

Maybe asking Sunday, who is yet to settle down properly without following her around everywhere, to stay back and keep an eye on the situation was a bad idea on Alisa’s part. Even Aventurine, unfortunately roped into their shenanigans by Shuhua yet again, is suffering the consequences of their decision to leave them behind to have a nice trip as a family.

And it’s not like Alisa hasn’t entertained the idea of trying to use the powers of Repudiation, but the possibilities of what-ifs were far too great for her to risk the lives of her friends. So none of this seems extremely enthralling now that Alisa has to constantly watch her companion’s backs, trying to make sure she doesn’t need to mend them together body part by body part.

At least now that Aglaea isn’t trying to actively kill them, the group can finally relax just a little. And now that they’re about to go on a quest to kill a Titan – a God? surely not an Aeon? – Shuhua decided that it’s the best time for them to be as greedy and lazy as possible and soak in the healing waters of Amphoreus.

Maybe this too, as per usual, is a bad decision.

From under the weight of warm waters everything is coated in haze. Despite the promise of these baths healing not only body and mind, but also soul, Alisa is yet to feel any different. Being immune to everything has its ups and downs and right now she got the short end of the stick, unlike the rest of her companions.

Shuhua, as restless and as dedicated to playing a martyr as she usually is, spots Phainon first. Her mood pers up instantly, wet tail swishing excitedly in the hot water of the public bathhouse, sprinkling the droplets all over her companions. Through half-lidded eyes Stelle groans slowly, almost spitting the bathhouse water that got into her mouth. Lethargically scooting away from Shuhua to not get assaulted by her enthusiasm any longer, Stelle continues her nap in relative peace.

Noticing how nobody seems to appreciate her elation, the foxian finally decides to calm down a little, pointing unceremoniously to the faraway corner of the bath, “Look. Over there.”

Dan Heng, bored and half-invested into Shuhua’s new scheme, follows her line of sight languidly, only to be met with a picture that is a bit too perplexing even to someone like him. “Is that Phainon?”

A rhetoric question it may be, but it surely wakes Stelle up from her warmth-infused drowsiness, “Where?” With one eye open, sleep still clouding her vision, she looks in the direction that holds Dan Heng’s attention, just to finally wake up when she does spot Okhema’s unwilling hero. “Oh… It’s not that I’m judging, but…”

“That’s a little shameless even by my standards.” Shuhua snickers, a little devious chuckle, before she sinks under the water to tug Alisa up to the surface.

Finally releasing the breath she was holding, Alisa wipes the water dripping from her lashes and focuses on whatever got Shuhua act all scandalized. And considering that the foxian had little to none of said shame in her body, it must be one hell of a scene. Involving Phainon of all people, no less.

Elbows resting on the edge of the bath, he’s leaning back against the tiled wall. It's almost odd to see him so exposed, or even visiting a public bathhouse of all places, especially when Aglaea offhandedly mentioned that the Chrysos Heirs had their own private one to use however they pleased. It must have been truly an exclusive place with no entrance for ordinary people for him to be here. And considering his obvious company, it wasn’t much of a wonder why he chose to come here instead.

You – whoever you are – slowly step out of the warm waters, wet hair sticking to your exposed back; white, lightweight fabric of your robe clinging to your body, clashing with golden and crimson ink all over your skin. You reach for a bowl of grapes on one of the tables with refreshments, returning back into the bath just as leisurely, and it is only when the waves pick up the length of your hair that Alisa realizes the extent of your undress. Nothing but a thin, flowy fabric of your robe hanging loosely off your shoulders, you press yourself close to Phainon’s side and he eagerly invites you into an embrace, tucking you tightly to his chest. You pluck a grape from the wine, passing one to Phainon, brushing the pink berry against his lips. He opens his mouth, all but literally eating out of the palm of your hand.

Picking one for yourself, you pop the grape into your mouth; only you don’t get to enjoy the taste of it, as Phainon leans close to you, lips pressed against yours in an unannounced kiss. It’s a long moment before you separate, wandering hands of the hero straying a bit too far along your waist for such a public setting, but when he does allow you to breathe again, you huff and scoot away, following with a playful roll of your eyes. As smug as always, Phainon grins triumphantly. The berry stolen from your mouth must have tasted a lot sweeter than the one you offered him.

Phainon says something, slow and well-enunciated, although all the words are lost between the hum of the waves and the chatter of other visitors. You reply, much less careful and much more hurried, yet it still brings a blinding smile to Phainon’s face as he laughs freely. And when he brazenly tugs you impossibly close, with you all but sitting on his lap, Phainon seems much more relaxed, almost free, as if completely unburdened by the expectations this world placed on him resting on his shoulders. It’s as if only the weight of your body against his that truly matters for him; the delicate softness of your touch as your fingers glide along his shoulders until you bring your lips together once more.

And maybe it is so. Alisa does not allow herself to ponder on it any longer, lest it brings unwanted tears to her eyes. Jealousy is a vice, and she might not be holy, but envying someone else’s love this pure will surely drag her to hell if her past doesn’t already guarantee her a spot there. Maybe a little risk is worth a chance of seeing him even for a second.

Dan Heng’s deadpan voice brings Alisa back to reality, far away from the dangerous thoughts she will inevitably regret, “You have zero shame, Shuhua.”

The foxian scoffs, tugging on the tip of her ear to shake the excess water soaked into the fur right on the vidyadhara’s face, “Clearly they have negative shame, Dan Heng.”

 “Should we go say hi?” As if just woken up – full of mischief and yearning to wreak havoc – Stelle darts up to her feet, raining bathwater all over with her chaotic movements, “I feel like we should.”

Alisa has half a mind to stop her. It's neither time nor place and the two of you are clearly busy. Tomorrow is an important and, quite frankly, terrifying day for everyone in the Holy City, Alisa can only begin to imagine how you must be feeling sending Phainon away to battle a literal god. Logically, it’s better to give you some privacy, but has Stelle – or anyone other than Sunday, for that matter – ever listened to what Alisa had to say? The answer is predictably obvious, and whatever protests she voices are all lost on Stelle as she readies herself to march into the mayhem of her own doing.

“I strongly advise against it.”

Only she doesn’t get the chance to, tripping over her own feet, grasping for anything to hold onto and dragging Alisa along with her under the warm waters of the bathhouse. Shuhua and Dan Heng are quick to pull the two of them up, but their movements are far too sluggish under the influence of Thanatos’ power, and it does little to stop Alisa from inhaling some of the water.

“Miss Castorice…” She coughs out a greeting, although it seems to just make the matters worse as the woman takes a guarded step back.  “It’s okay! We’re okay! You just startled us.”

“I apologize, Lady Alisa. It wasn’t my intention.” Despite her rather poor repertoire of emotions, guilt is prominent on Castorice’s otherwise impassive features. Hands locked tensely in front of her, the Chrysos Heir sends another apologetic glance Alisa’s way before focusing on Stelle, “But please do not disturb them. It’s rare to see them here like this. Lord Phainon rarely has the time these days and Lady [Name] almost never leaves the Temple…” Castorice catches herself, putting an abrupt stop to her rambling, although the way she’s carefully watching you and Phainon paints a completely different picture for her sudden decision to stop talking. “Such an awful fate they were given.”

About to press for some answers, Alisa tries to find the question she wants the answer to the most, but none seem not invasive enough. Still, she imagines any would be more tactful than anything brewing in Shuhua’s head and judging by the ever-growing smirk tugging on the corners of her lips, she has a lot of those prepared already. Yet just like Stelle not so long ago, Alisa is not successful in her endeavor.

“Castorice!” Phainon’s voice is as clear as she remembers hearing it for the first time. “Esteemed guests, too.” He waves in their direction, hurriedly crossing the little distance between the refreshments table and their bath. “What a coincidence. Is the water to your liking?”

Dan Heng dips his head in lackluster appreciation, “It’s great, thanks.”

Satisfied with the answer, Phainon doesn’t offer any more questions, although the mysterious something woven into his self-assured smile is a little unnerving this time around, “If you’re free this evening you should come to the Garden of Life. My light has a way with words, her songs will not disappoint you.”

Castorice nods, accepting the offer easily. Even if Alisa wasn’t as intrigued by your relationship, she would have agreed either way. If not for the music, then at least for the rare investment sparking in Castorice’s eyes at the mention of you two.

“We’ll be there, Lord Phainon.” Maybe not everyone, most likely just Alisa and Dan Heng, but she would definitely not miss a free opportunity to listen to a ballad or two.

 “Not you too…” A disappointed sigh following his words, Phainon frowns slightly; blue eyes darting between Alisa and Castorice, he shakes his head, “No matter. I’m gonna go back now, can’t leave my lady alone for too long or she gets stolen by wild cats.” The smug arrogance paints his grin once more; Castorice – so uncharacteristically for her – looks almost amused by the nonsensical joke Phainon made. “See you later!”

He leaves in a hurry, just as fast and suddenly as he approached them, returning to your side. You welcome him, offering to take the wine pitcher off his hand but Phainon just shakes his head in silent disapproval. Opting to pour the pale peachy wine himself, he settles in the water next to you and lifts the goblet just enough for you to drink from it. And when you do take a careful sip from the silver cup, Phainon is quick to steal the wine from your mouth. Although you never seem to truly mind his unabashed behavior in the slightest, indulging it way more than you ever should have.

Maybe Shuhua is right for once, there are people with less than no shame.

Finally turning away, Alisa can’t help but muse over such unrestrained displays of affection. “He loves her a lot.” It sounds almost bitter, but Alisa is glad nobody notices. To live is to survive. To dream is to suffer. Even with her escaping the grasp of Istanai, Alisa will never truly be free unless she returns back to his side. And she can’t right now.

“He does.” Castorice is as solemn as always when she agrees quietly, her next words distorted by the excited buzz of the bathhouse visitors, “I imagine when you have so little to remember of home, what you do have you cannot ever let go. Even in death.”

It’s silent after that. Only the distant hum of the chatter and Phainon’s laughter cutting through the wall of white noise once in a while. They watch Castorice carefully as her unreadable eyes, all but glued to the glow of the sun shining over your head, get mistier by the moment. Tense shoulders, she cannot seem to find peace amongst the foggy air of the bathhouse.

“Castorice?” Stelle calls her name tentatively, but Castorice, too deep in whatever thoughts torment her, doesn’t react. Shuhua nudges Alisa on the shoulder, a little spooked by the idea of a literal manifestation of death being so lost in her own thoughts, and having no choice on the matter, Alisa reaches carefully to tug on the skirts of Castorice’s dress.

The Chrysos Heir flinches ever so slightly, misty gaze clearing up as she looks at where Alisa is still holding onto the fabric of her dress. “Please don’t listen to the rumors. Lady [Name] is not a bad person.” Coming completely out of left field, Castorice’s warning confuses the group even more than her silence ever did. “And do come to the performance, you might gain a lot of insight on that which you never considered to ponder on.” She looks almost conflicted when she says this, as if fighting with reason itself to justify her decision. Although when Castorice does get it off her chest, she seems almost liberated from her self-imposed shackles. Then she blinks, hand pressed over her chest as if she just remembered something important, “I completely forgot… I came here to fetch you, Lady Alisa. Lady Aglaea is interested in striking a deal.”

Shuhua groans. Alisa gets out of the water without much thought. Control is order and you cannot control what you cannot see. Yet again, the daughter of Repudiation is the biggest enemy of order. Only Aglaea is nothing like Sunday. And it’s for the better that she isn’t.

“I guess it can’t be helped.”

Alisa killed an Aeon once, what a demigod compared to rejection personified?

If only things were that easy.

They meet you for the second time with the strumming of a harp and your soft voice barely audible in their ears.

You are dressed far more modestly than you were back at the bathhouse, which isn’t that hard to achieve all things considered. Much of your exposed skin is still painted with golden ink, intertwined with red lines where they form some kind of convoluted patterns all over your chest and back. Your fingers run over the strings with some sort of stiffness one would not expect from a professional musician, and despite the music being nothing short of heavenly, you seem far too detached from the tune you’re playing. Even your voice is far too muted for a crowd that gathered around, and although the people are eerily silent while listening to your romantic tale of a sun’s journey to greatness, nobody is asking you to sing louder.

It's strange. There’s something off about this evening that Alisa can’t place her finger on just yet. Castorice hesitantly learns to accept that the powers given to her hold no effect on the daughter of Repudiation, so she slowly takes some liberties in standing far closer to Alisa than any reason would allow. Alisa lets her, contemplating offering a friendly hand, but deciding against it at the end. She knows better than anyone how overwhelming change can be for a person.

Shuhua, despite her initial unwillingness to join the group for a night out opting to just wallow in misery as she always tends to do at any mild inconvenience, seems to enjoy herself right now. Stelle and Dan Heng stand a little to the side, the deadpan expression on his face gives away an idea or two about the topic of Stelle’s commentary.

Phainon is sitting on the grass close to where you are, unbothered and casual as he always seems to be. Aglaea and one of the fragments of Tribios – Tribbie – are conversing quietly in the far away corner of the Garden of Life, but the leader of Chrysos Heirs doesn’t look all that happy to be here. Even the crown prince of Castrum Kremnos is present, albeit it’s a little hard to read between the lines of his permanent scowl, even more so than through Aventurine’s carefully crafted, mildly amused poker-face.

It's not Mydei’s presence that rubs Alisa the wrong way, it’s the odd absent-eyed looks Aglaea keeps throwing the Nameless that bother her. Despite a quite innocent and harmless deal they struck today, Alisa can’t help but feel even more on edge around the woman. Aglaea admitted she can only see this world through the golden thread, so why does she keep eyeing them so intently? It’s none of Alisa’s business and yet… Survival of her family is her business, isn’t it?

People give you a round of applause and you lift yourself up from the grass, bowing shallowly. Phainon is quick to follow you, taking the harp off your hands and bringing your palm to his mouth in a fleeting kiss. Castorice shifts uncomfortably, closer to Alisa’s side. And Alisa truly doesn’t want to assume anything, but from the corner of her eye she watches Aglaea’s frown deepen.

The crowd disperses slowly. Shuhua attaches herself to Alisa’s arm with a tired groan and an annoyed twitch of her ears, nuzzling against the feathers of halovian wings. Stelle is still rambling about losing her login streak in Wandering Waves and missing some important character’s banner. Dan Heng is the only one to actually care about the performance and even if usually Alisa would be the first to jump into a discussion about arts, her mind is uncharacteristically elsewhere.

With a whine, Shuhua announces that she’s craving a late-night snack before the big day. Both Stelle and Dan Heng pretend they don’t hear anything, not that Alisa expected anything else from them. Not even fighting for custody rights, Alisa drags Shuhua into a different direction that will take them to the Marmoreal Market. Maybe some dromas steak will soothe her friend’s miserable longing.

Yet as per the rules of Trailblaze, its pathstriders can’t stop getting themselves in trouble. And even now Alisa is barely quick enough to tug Shuhua behind a row of shelves full of potted plants before they get spotted by the two shadowy figures standing under the torchlights of Amphoreus’ otherwise dim alleyways. The scene unfolding before them leaves quite an unpleasant aftertaste in Alisa’s mouth when she swallows thickly. And now the fur of Shuhua’s restless tail doesn’t feel all that pleasant against Alisa’s skin amidst the heavy, warm night air.

“Is that who I think it is?” the foxian mumbles, a little confused tilt of her head, ears pressed tightly against her head.

“Please be quiet.” Alisa is trying to save them from being inevitably discovered, although her efforts go unappreciated, as Shuhua huffs, scandalized and offended.

“Hey, don’t shush me!” Despite being nothing but a whisper, the sheer force with which Shuhua delivers her line is nothing short of a scream. “You start sleeping in the same bed that smug, undercooked chicken wing and now you’re turning evil.”

Turning blind eye on the usual, albeit even more colorful, insults thrown Sunday’s way, Alisa covers Shuhua’s mouth with the palm of her hand, “Shush.”

Shuhua’s exasperated hissing is muffled, but it’s not audible enough to reach outside the little corner they’re hiding at. It’s for the better that it is that way, as the shadows grow nearer, heavy footsteps fall to a standstill under the darkness of a little shop across from the shelves covering them and Alisa can only pray the plants are enough to mask the bright fur of Shuhua’s tail.

The skirts on the back of your dress drag along the dusty ground and you don’t rush to lift them, slowly albeit deliberately walking past Mydei who remains standing near the bakery’s window. The annoyed crease between his eyebrows deepens as he catches up to you, stopping you by your forearm, the gentle touch not matching his permanent scowl.

Your gaze is planted firmly on the ground, someplace where your shadows intertwine. Mydei steps closer to you, hands moving along your skin until he holds your face in his hands, lifting your head up. “Why won’t you look at me?” He speaks differently. Less brash. Way slower and just as well-enunciated as Phainon was addressing you not so long ago. “Don’t tell me you’re still upset.”

“Of course I am, Mydeimos.” You talk just as quietly as you sing, with a tiny rasp of hesitation to your tone. Yet right now it’s mixed with something so bitterly vulnerable, it’s almost easy to forget that you are a taken woman. And with how compromising your position is, it’s all but effortless to misinterpret the situation for what it isn’t.

“I am immortal.” Mydei states plainly and you scoff.

He’s still holding your face in his hands despite your arms hanging limply by your sides. It’s hard to see under the shadows of twilight, but even in such darkness the hurt pooling in your eyes is difficult to miss. “Immortality does not take away the pain of death.”

“I am used to it.” It’s unclear whether Mydei is trying to convince you or himself, but either way it doesn’t work.

The bracelets on your arm clink against each other when you finally lift your hand to press your palm firmly to Mydei’s chest. “I told you already, didn’t I?” Your voice trembles like the strings of the harp, as if you are on the verge of tears. And maybe it is so, “Your ache is my agony. Your suffering is my anguish. I must live this life knowing I cannot aid you in your endeavors. History does not–”

Thumb against your lips, dipping ever so slightly into your parted mouth, Mydei interrupts your fervent rambling, “I wowed to battle fate for you. This hasn’t changed.” You are a taken woman yet with the way the Mydei so effortlessly throws earnest promises of eternal devotion your way, it’s easy to forget it is not he who you are officially involved with. “But Deliverer is better suited for that Coreflame than I am.”

Mydei drops Phainon’s title shamelessly, as if he is not standing here in this empty alleyway with you, holding you in his embrace so delicately behind Phainon’s back. Have you two no guilt? Does your shame really run that shallow to betray the man who loves you so dearly with such graceful ease? With his brother in arms, no less. How little self-respect does the crown prince have, to chase after a taken woman?

“You cannot defy who you are.” You whisper dejectedly, not bothered by the mention of Phainon but the fact that Mydei refuses to change his mind. You give up then, tense posture going lax as you sigh heavily in defeat, “But who am I to deny your wishes?”

“My wishes?” Mydei questions, a victorious glint in his eyes. “I have a lot of those, you know.” He steps closer and you step back until you reach the wall, Mydei’s arm against the back of your head so you don’t accidentally hit yourself against the white bricks. “I am insatiable in my greed. Or so they say.”

He doesn’t wait for any response, just dips his head down and presses his lips against yours feverishly. You reciprocate, eager and yearning, all but melting against his body until there is no more empty space between you. But even then, he still draws you closer, free hands itching under the missing fabric on the front of your dress.

Taking your preoccupied state as an opportunity for escape, Alisa once again drags Shuhua into the darkness of the alleyway. There are no words exchanged until they are far out of your hearing range. Marmoreal Palace is relatively empty this time of day, and Alisa feels like she can finally breathe properly. So many things running through her mind, she has no idea where she should even begin. All that Alisa truly knows that it’s wrong. They shouldn’t have been there to see that. You shouldn’t have been doing any of that at all. And yet...

Shuhua, however, never holds back when she has to say something, “This wench!”

“Shuhua, please.” Trying to calm her friend down is futile, but Alisa is known to enjoy suffering to its fullest.

“I have to give it to her though.”  Shuhua huffs in irritation, dusting her tail off any cobwebs it gathered during her stay at the dusty corner of an alley. “How hard is it to swindle those two at the same time?”

Acutely aware that she’s doing nothing more than playing devil’s advocate, Alisa is desperately trying to rationalize the situation, “Maybe this all is a big misunderstanding…” She knows nobody is inherently good, but she's always trying to look only for the best in other people. And Alisa really doesn’t want to believe that either you or Mydei would betray Phainon in such a way. Logic, however, is much harder to argue with.

“Her tongue was in places mine can’t reach.” An irked scoff and a roll of her eyes, Shuhua crosses her arms over her chest. It’s hard to believe such a thing is possible but once again facts win over delusions. “We should tell him about it the first thing tomorrow.”

“Shuhua…” Not liking Alisa’s tone, the foxian throws her glare of disbelief prematurely, before any stupidity can even cross her mind. But as it usually happens, disapproval doesn’t stop Alisa from speaking and she truly has had enough of Shuhua’s bad decisions in the span of these couple of months to last her for another ten years. “I am not condoning her actions, but… I don’t think this is the right time to drop something like that on him. We truly don’t need any bad blood between those two, considering they are quite literally on a quest to kill a god.”

Shuhua blinks, canines biting harshly into her bottom lip. She’s clearly searching for something to counter Alisa’s argument with but can’t find anything of equal value to reason. Eventually giving up, Shuhua sighs dejectedly, “Yeah, okay. You’re right.” Then she grins, a little manic and sort of troubling curve of her lips, as she cackles sarcastically, “We just have to kill a god, how hard can it be…”

Not harder than it was to kill an Aeon. But it’s better for Shuhua to never remember what exactly transpired inside the Realm or Repudiation.

Alisa can only hope that after all is said and done, she doesn’t have to act out on her side of the deal with Aglaea.

They meet you for the third time amongst the sea of passersby, the shining gold of your jewelry flickering with your every movement.

They spot you at Marmoreal Market not long after they successfully take Nikador’s Coreflame to the Vortex of Genesis. They pass by Melpomene, and despite calling out to her, she rushes past them without even a greeting, an annoyed growl falling from her lips as she casts one last glare in the direction of Marmoreal Diner. Confused, Shuhua follows her line of sight, ears perking up and tail wagging when she finally spots you amongst the crowd.

Against both of their better judgments, neither Alisa nor Shuhua told Phainon about their unfortunate discovery after they returned to Okhema. And considering he is still locked inside Nikador’s trial, it is for the better that he is not aware of your infidelity. This, however, is a perfect chance to finally confront you, not only about your unfaithfulness but also about the rumors floating around the Holy City.

After that night in the alleyway, Alisa couldn’t help but put her meddling skills to good use and sharpened her ears as much as possible. Castorice’s cryptic warning aside, the rumors about your person are hard to ignore when one actually listens to what the public has to say. Turns out, people seem to have very mixed feelings towards you. Some deem you an important, vital figure to Okhema’s wellbeing in such trying times: a famous bard, an acclaimed hymnwriter, a renowned poetess, a revered High Priestess of the Temple of Eternal Fire. Others think of you as a rotten fruit, slowly corrupting the well-oiled dynamic not only between the Chrysos Heirs themselves but also between Aglaea and the Council of Elders.

And as it so happens, everyone is acutely aware of your not-so-secret affair with the crown prince of Castrum Kremnos. All except Phainon himself. Even stranger thing is that despite your unfaithfulness being a well-known fact, nobody is rushing to inform the hero of it. Whether he lives under a rock or his devotion to you is that unshakable is unclear but whatever the reason for it is, Alisa can’t begin to sympathize with either you or Mydei.

Neither can Aglaea, it seems.

Goldweaver’s threads wrap themselves around Shuhua’s arm, planting her firmly in place, “I strongly advise you to stay away from that woman, Shuhua.”

The foxian clenches her teeth, and Alisa decides to intervene before things escalate someplace none of them wants to, “Lady Aglaea, good morning.”

Heavy blink of her sightless eyes, Aglaea turns to face Alisa albeit she can never truly pinpoint her location, “Good morning, child.” Despite the friendly, polite tone, Aglaea’s detachment from humanity prevents her from truly igniting the warmth in her voice. Alisa can’t blame her for it, neither can she condemn the woman for trying to protect her home by any means possible. Although now Alisa has a faint suspicion that her odd behavior during your performance had nothing to do with the Astral Express but everything to do with you. “Please heed my advice and stay clear of her, there is nothing the Temple can offer you that I cannot.”

“Of course, Lady Aglaea.” Alisa nods, agreeing with the woman without even trying to argue her case. Sometimes to reject something you need to accept it first, and who would understand that better than a daughter of Repudiation? “Please take care.”

Aglaea bows her head in a shallow goodbye, disappearing into the busy crowd just like Melpomene did not so long ago. Shuhua, still trying to come to terms with the fact that there might be a target painted on her back once more, gives Alisa a suspicious side glance.

"She's still spying on us, isn’t she?” Shuhua asks carefully. She is yet to get used to this new dynamic of being the one following Alisa’s lead for once. But to live is to survive and adapting is an integral part of survival, and Shuhua really doesn't want to meet her end here because of some light snooping.

Alisa shrugs, mumbling a barely audible agreement. Just because Aglaea’s golden thread cannot see her, doesn’t mean her spies cannot hear her. Breaking their agreement with the leader of Chrysos Heirs will put her family in danger, but despite his smug, overconfident attitude, Phainon is a good man. Sunday might be right: her kindness is her weakness ready to be exploited; but he’s not here to stop her, so what else Alisa is supposed to do?

“Lady [Name]!” It has been a long time since she needed to scream to get someone’s attention.

The people give Alisa an odd look or two, some stop to search for the source of a disturbance. You, however, head straight ahead. Box with honey cakes securely pressed to your chest, you never turn their way even when Alisa calls out to you for the second time. Some passersby give them confused side-glances; one quick look over your shoulder at the commotion, you never notice the outlanders, swept by the busy crowd of the market. Walking past them casually, you leave with only the scent of sunlit oranges, ripe pomegranates, and warm cinnamon clinging to the heavy air long after the flowing tails of your skirts disappear from view.

And so, you escape. And so, Aglaea wins.

“Can’t believe she ignored us like that!” Shuhua hisses. Angry and disappointed, she curses under her breath, icy glare digging daggers into the dense crowd of the market.

Something isn’t right at all about this. The omnipresent gaze of Repudiation calls for rejection of all, and even on the endless path of Trailblaze Alisa does not stop defying authority. Mokosha, Penacony, Amphoreus. Her guilt, her love, her longing. Karina, Sunday, Aglaea. To live is to survive. Survival calls for all sorts of risks.

“Maybe she didn’t notice us…” Alisa cannot see the golden threads, they dissolve into dust all around her, but she can spot them weaving through the market, trailing the scent of sunkissed oranges and sugary pomegranate you left behind.

Shuhua cannot see what Alisa can, however. “Stop playing devil’s advocate, I locked eyes with that wench.” But Shuhua wasn’t brought up with the oath of rejection woven into her every breath, so it’s understandable that she does not condone this doubt festering inside Alisa’s heart.

“I think it’s better we just talk to Lord Phainon.” Alisa knows it’s the only right thing to do. The only way to force you to be honest with yourself. The only way to get to the bottom of this conspiracy. The only way to not let Aglaea win ever again.

“Yeah, yeah.” Shuhua grits her teeth, even more vexed than she was before coming here. “Now come on, I need breakfast, or someone dies.”

Alisa doesn’t doubt it. She just hopes it won’t be Shuhua herself.

The golden thread trembles, yet its presence remains.

They meet you for the fourth time illuminated by the sunlight and scorched by fire, as you melt the ice of the memories of the world long gone.

It’s dark inside the Temple of Silence. Nothing but long corridors, dimply lit by torches burning deep purple flames, and imagery of the night sky painted in crimson and gold all over the white walls. Phainon is leading the way with well-practiced movements, all while entertaining Stelle’s barrage of ridiculous questions and Dan Heng’s polite yet distant commentary on some of the more captivating things that the hero has to say.

Shuhua is restless, even more so than usual since they got stranded on Amphoreus. Alisa fears it might be Shuhua's breaking point, but she will cross that bridge when she gets there and for now, they have far more pressing matters to deal with. Confronting you in your own temple is not going to be easy, but with Stelle and Dan Heng now involved in this against their will, things took a turn for the worse.

Noticing just how big the distance between them and Phainon grew, Shuhua exasperatedly mumbles something under her breath and picks up her pace, dragging Alisa along by her elbow. Phainon, finally stopping near the intricately carved door at the end of the hallway, is still entertaining Stelle’s curiosity without complaints. Shuhua throws him an apprehensive side eye, irked glow of her eyes spelling nothing but trouble for everyone involved, but Phainon misinterprets it as something it is not.

“You seem nervous.” He’s wrong, everyone except him is acutely aware of it, yet nobody is racing to correct his assumption. “I assure you, there is no reason for you to feel anxious.”

“It’s just…” Shuhua begins, a strained smile on her face, “It’s a little dark here, that’s all.”

“Oh, sorry about that. Should have warned you.” Phainon rubs the back of his head, an apologetic smile tugging on the corners of his lips. “Well, don’t worry. It’s very bright inside.”

Three light knocks. The dark, purple flames flicker to the rhythm of the drumming of Phainon’s knuckles. The heavy door opens on its own, light drowning the dimply lit corridor. For a split second Alisa’s vision goes blurry, as if blinded by the brightness of the light. It takes a second for her eyes to adjust to the new environment, but when they do, she almost wishes she stayed blinded forever. She should have known better than to trust Shuhua’s mad ideas, they’re always more trouble than they’re worth.

Shuhua’ grins, “Oh, isn’t it just great.” Dan Heng is quick to silence her before she drops any more unnecessary comments, but he can’t stop a little gasp that escapes Stelle’s parted lips.

Alisa diverts her gaze from the scene of the crime, trying to focus on something else other than the impending fight between an immortal man turned unwilling demigod and a hero acting as the muse to of almost all of your ballads. Eyes wide and pupils blown, Shuhua bites her lip to stiffen any more sounds coming from her, although most of it just seems like the foxian woman is trying to suppress inevitable cackle which is bound to worsen the tension even more.

Mydei’s arm is wrapped loosely around your waist, just to give enough support so that you don’t accidentally topple over and drop the goblet full of pomegranate juice all over the sofa. Or all over him to be precise. On your knees between his parted legs, one gold painted arm pressed against his naked chest, you’re carefully pouring juice into his mouth. He doesn’t as much as blink when some escapes his lips, sliding along his skin and leaving the dark crimson trail until it gets lost in what little fabric is covering his chest. Mydei simply slides his gloved hand along the expanse of your bare back, moving your hair away from your neck and bringing your face closer to his.

Dropping the empty goblet in your hand, you let it hit the white marble of the room with the deafening noise that makes everyone in the room flinch. You don’t seem to mind the noise, just sink even closer to Mydei, pressing a lingering kiss to his lips and when you part at last, you glide your tongue along the crimson trail. Then you sink your teeth into the slope of his neck, an apologetic flick of your tongue over the rapidly vanishing indent of your teeth in his skin. Mydei leans his head against the arm of the sofa, half lidded eyes watching as you leave a trail of bites along his chest.

Phainon, for all his recklessness and flair, is awfully calm even when he positions himself in a way to cover most of your exposed body from their prying eyes. Posture lax, no tension in his shoulders, he doesn’t seem astonished or betrayed, or even simply angry. If anything, Phainon seems almost embarrassed to subject his guests to such an indecent display of affection between his – girlfriend? wife? Alisa isn’t even sure who you even are to him with the way the hero keeps addressing you – and his brother in arms. Knuckles rubbing against his forehead, Phainon clears his throat.

Mydei, unbothered by the presence of another man in your private chambers, doesn’t spare Phainon even a quick glance, “You’re late, Deliverer.”

Canines digging into her lips, Shuhua is barely holding herself together from cackling. Alisa has to admit, that all of this is sort of funny in some twisted way. But all of this snooping around just for them to end up here, intruding into whatever you three knowingly have going on. Oh, how embarrassing indeed.

Phainon, back still shielding most of the view on your nude body, tugs his coat off, “Please inform [Name] that I brought in our esteemed guests for an appointment.”

With a deep, annoyed sigh, Mydei finally looks over his shoulder, “Really now, hero? Couldn’t find any other time?” You lift your head, watching him with mild worry in your eyes as if you just now noticed the presence of someone else in the room. Three light taps on your shoulder, Mydei whispers something extremely slowly and you nod, sitting up straight, moving your hair to cover your chest. “Or person, for that matter?”

Phainon shrugs dismissively, as if trying to play his mistake off as something that is not his fault and then throws his coat towards Mydei, “They seemed really eager to meet our Lady of Eternal Fire.”

Mydei scoffs, catching the piece of clothing and dropping it over your shoulders the next very second, “Oh, I’m sure they were.”

You slip your arms into the sleeves of the coat and get up from the sofa, “Phainon.”

Despite the tender kiss you give him, you acknowledge the hero with some sort of detachment when you say this name of his. But it must be because you, as Castorice pointed cryptically all the way back at the bathhouse, are the only one who knows of Phainon as a son of Aedes Elysiae, and his true name is far dearer to you than the one he chose for himself.

Then you divert your attention to the members of Astral Express, a peculiar smile curving your lips, “Mysterious outlanders from beyond the stars. Welcome to the Temple of Silence.” You beacon them to follow you to the large marble table in the center of the room with a gentle wave your hand, the sleeve of Phainon’s coat flapping as you do so, “Please take a seat.”

They do as you say, albeit a little hesitantly, and settle into a long ottoman, just barely big enough to fit the four of them. Phainon joins you on your side of the table, immediately resting his head on your shoulder, and despite reluctantly leaving the comfort of the sofa, Mydei remains standing behind you with his arms crossed against his chest.

“What brings you here?” You ask, hand running through Phainon’s hair. “Against Aglaea’s… insistent suggestions to stay away from me, too.” There’s a little teasing to your hushed tone. You are far more playful than Alisa initially thought, way less intimidating too.

Despite Stelle expectantly watching Shuhua, nobody says anything. What is there even left to say now that Shuhua can’t hold your trysts against you for her own entertainment? And neither she nor Alisa herself were here with any hopes of actually getting in contact with the Express.

Dan Heng, however, tired of constant childish tantrums of his temperamental fox friend, takes one for the team, “We were looking for a way to contact our friends back home, and Phainon lead us here. He told us there’s a chance you can help us reach through the barrier to contact them.”

One moment. Then two. Three and then four. You say nothing, your puzzled gaze drifting from Dan Heng to Shuhua, to Stelle, to Alisa and then back to Dan Heng. You mutter something under your breath; quick, single word sentences, as if you are trying to decipher something but keep failing at doing so. Phainon lifts his head from your shoulder, once again oddly guilty shine in his blue eyes.

It’s tense, unnerving kind of confused silence that never seems to settle and only continues to grow. “Deliverer.” Mydei sighs, heavy and exhausted, “You didn’t tell them.”

The frustration in Mydei’s usually mildly agitated tone is almost palpable, and Phainon chuckles awkwardly, “I thought it was obvious.”  Then he quickly gets onto his feet to leave the table only to return a couple of seconds later with a heap of yellowish parchment, a bottle of ink and four quills. He sets everything on the marble surface carefully and you thank him, passing the paper to the group. “Apparently not. My apologies, I must have complicated things way more than I initially assumed.”

A simple complication doesn’t even begin to cover the level of mental gymnastics you three forced them into, but even Shuhua’s confused ear twitch is met with Mydei’s almost-warranted exasperation, “Don’t look so damn lost, outlanders. You’ve never met a deaf person before?”

Oh, complicated indeed. Alisa was right to doubt everything, but with the way Shuhua’s ears fall flat against her head she can guess the guilt of assuming things is catching up even to her.

“It’s quite alright.” You dismiss the sudden pitiful glances with a careless shake of your head, instead pointing to the parchment you offered to them. Phainon once again takes a seat next to you, although his posture is far less relaxed than it was before, observing carefully as Stelle twirls the quill in her hand. “Before we begin, you must give an offering to the Temple. Please describe a memory you cherish and feed it to the fire.”

Dan Heng gives you an apprehensive look, doubting your words despite doing exactly what you told him to. Stelle does the same, quickly scribbling something on the paper and dropping it into the purple flames flickering in a large ceremonial goblet installed into the indent in the middle of the table. It takes some time for Alisa to think of a memory she is willing to share with a stranger, and next to her Shuhua grins, folding her paper neatly in half and throwing it into the fire as soon as she can.

Mydei rolls his eyes at such behavior, finally giving up his watch to sit down next to you. He tugs the armored gloves off, placing them neatly near the ottoman and rests his hand on the marble, fingers barely grazing the edge of the ceremonial goblet. You give him a pointed look, the one of a concerned warning, but he dismisses you with a slight, teasing tug to the pointed tip of your elf-like ear poking through the dark strands if your hair. You are about to continue playing a losing game when Phainon once again drops his head on your shoulder, lifting your left hand up to press a tender kiss to your knuckles. Those two, despite all of their differences, know how to distract you when it works to their advantage and succeed in doing so with the ease of a well-oiled machine.

Giving up, you return your attention back to your guests with a fleeting, barely audible apology, then dip your free hand into the fire and pull out five cloudy crystals, dropping them into a silver bowl placed in front of you. Picking the magenta gemstone up, you bring the copper colored one along with it, clicking them against each other. Phainon laughs, the joke is lost on not only Alisa but also on the rest of the Astral Express, although even Mydei seems to get it.

“You two are very special. One is an empty slate, unable to be recorded.”  You begin suddenly, dark eyes drifting from Alisa to Stelle intently. “Another blessed by the gaze of your local gods. What a peculiar life you have, Stelle.”

Upon hearing her own name, despite never introducing herself, Stelle asks a couple of questions you are never meant to catch nor would ever want to answer. You just toss the stones back into the fire and pick a green one, discarding this gem almost instantly as well.

“Rebirth? How interesting…” Looking at Dan Heng, you are searching for something Alisa isn’t sure you can find. But with how the Vidyadhara goes rigid upon hearing your words, something tells Alisa it is not only a single cherished memory of theirs you now have access to. “I am sure that whatever this jade abacus you are thinking about is, it will not help you to leave this world, Dan Heng.”

Smugness on Shuhua’s face deflates exponentially once you get to the pale peachy crystal, her scheme backfiring on her so unpredictably. “Oh, an odd choice for sure, and yet…” You quirk your brow, chuckling lightly under your breath and leaning forward to pass the stone directly into Shuhua’s hands. “Who would have thought that man had it in him to…”

Embarrassed, Shuhua hurriedly hides the peach-colored gem in the pocket of her shorts. You don’t say much more, just sit quietly with an oddly familiar glint in your half-lidded eyes, well-manicured nail in between your teeth. Phainon says something that is lost not only on you but also on the rest of the group. You swipe your tongue over your painted lips, crimson hue glistening even more under the glow of sunlight, and pick up the quill to write a couple of quick notes just to pass them to Phainon as soon as the last drop of ink hits the parchment.

Phainon skims over what you written, a choked cough contracting through his chest, and he crumbles the paper carelessly. “Shuhua’s chosen memory sparked sudden inspiration in me.” You explain then, a teasing lull to your voice, while your nimble fingers straighten the parchment Phainon so thoughtlessly ruined. “I am sure it will not disappoint you either, husband.”

“Aren’t you forgetting anyone?” Mydei asks, fingers that were toying with the edge of the ceremonial goblet now completely engulfed by the purple flames.

“This one sees the appeal of wild cats just like I do…” You say distantly, a subtle shift to the air around you as you tuck the note you wrote into the pocket of Phainon’s coat. “So I have something else for you in mind, Mydeimos.””

 Despite shedding light onto the meaning of Phainon’s bizarre joke and thoroughly embarrassing Shuhua even further with the knowledge of all her previous affairs, your provocative tone contradicts your appearance. Even while replying to Mydei as if you can hear him, you do not look a slightest bit happy or relieved to be able to perceive sound once again. Instead, you hastily free yourself from Phainon’s hold, swatting Mydei’s hand away from the fire and cradling it close to your chest.

Unlike you, the prince does not return from the flame unscathed, although the burnt skin mends itself almost instantly. You were right, immortality does not take away the pain of death, yet Mydei endures the turmoil with ease. True to his promise of battling fate for your love, he is willingly walking into the scorching fires just for a chance of you hearing his voice.

Love of such kind can bring all realms to ruin, yet it is the only kind that you can accept.

As if trying to brighten the mood, a little pink creature that has been following Stelle around ever since her conversation with Oronyx, finally shows itself. Curiously peeking out from behind Stelle’s shoulder, Mem says something that only she can decipher, and receiving a lackluster shrug from the Nameless it slowly floats up to you, fluffy tail swatting Phainon across the face. You watch it with an oddly nostalgic sense of longing littered all over your face like gold dust, strained fingers gripping Mydei’s hand harder. If you know something about Mem’s origin – which Alisa does not doubt even for a second – you keep it to yourself and let the pink fairy playfully bully Phainon some more, until it is completely satisfied and settles on top of his broad shoulders, tail wagging excitedly.

“Are all memokeepers so… eccentric?” Shuhua whispers right into Alisa’s ear and it startles her, dragging her away from her lingering thoughts. “What's up with that fifth memory bubble, anyway?”

Albeit a welcomed distraction, the idea of you being a pathstrider of Remembrance makes things even more convoluted than they initially were, although that power of yours is easily justified by that simple explanation. And considering how easily Fuli extended Their blessings to Stelle, it would be only natural that They gaze upon someone so closely intertwined with memories.

Soft smile of yearning all but completely gone, you look away, returning to the matter at hand. Last, bright pink crystal left lying in the silver bowl, you disregard its existence as if it's just a figment of your imagination. The subtle shift of the air does not seem so subtle anymore.

“Thank you for your kind offerings, Trailblazers.” You speak at last, although there is some sort of tragic finality to the way you deliver your line that tells Alisa you cannot fulfill their wishes. “I must disappoint you, however. What you desire of me is far too ambitious.” Alisa already expected as much, so it does little to disappoint her, but a discouraged sigh that Shuhua and Stelle share hurts her nonetheless. Yet your deeply apologetic expression seems extremely sincere, as you bow your head, “I am not a Chrysos Heir, neither am I gazed upon by an Aeon like the two of you. I am a mere preserver of truthful memories. A dedicated historian, if you will.”

Despite not truly acknowledging yourself as a pathstrider of Remembrance – knowing little of Aeons beyond the information you gathered from their memories – you almost openly recognize yourself as a memokeeper. Just as odd as Black Swan and Reca, albeit a little less suspicious in your intentions and far less invested into the overarching plot of this adventure.

Mydei seems to find some amusement in your claims, however, if a muffled snort coming from his person is anything to go by. He tugs on your ear again, the gold chain hooked to a tiny circular earring in your cartilage dangling as he does so. It's weaved with crimson and navy gems, uncannily reminiscent of Mydei’s own jewelry and the sentimental charm of it is oddly heartwarming.

A huff from you makes Phainon stiffen a laugh, yet another inside joke that goes right above the heads of the ignorant Nameless. He presses his lips against your knuckles once more, far more reserved in his affections than he was back at the bathhouse. Mem shuffles on the spot in his shoulder, tail wagging faster at the sudden disturbance as a bright pink paw hits Phainon square in the face. You giggle, murmuring a couple of teasing apologies in Mem’s stead, yet do not reprimand Stelle to keep her companion at bay. You simply watch Phainon, overflowing fondness in your eyes threatening to spill over.

When you do turn to look at Stelle, your gaze hardens exponentially, “Natural enemy of Goldweaver I might be, but I cannot restore memories like your little friend here does, nor can my power reach beyond these skies. I am truly sorry for wasting your precious time.”

Guilty as you seem to be for not being able to help them, there is something else to the way to shift in your seat. The hand with which you were holding onto Mydei so tightly just a moment ago drops on your lap. Phainon quits his pretend battle with Mem to give you a once over; nothing too out of the ordinary, yet it strikes a suspicion of doubt, nonetheless.

The last memory bubble remains untouched, but from the corner of your eye you keep a vigilant watch over the pink hazy crystal. A memokeeper always has their secrets and all their cards are always tucked close to their chests, under a hundred locks where the destructive forces of time cannot reach them. And right now, you too are hiding something in plain sight, masking your own troubles under the grievances of the Nameless travelers.

“Your time ran out, outlanders.” Mydei states suddenly, no room for discussion left in the way he gets up on his feet to stride towards the exist. “I’ll see you out.”

Stelle is about to say something when Alisa interrupts her, “At least we tried, right?”  It's a rhetorical question and she can only hope her friends get the hint and listen to what she has to say for once. “I’m sorry for disturbing you, Lady [Name]. We will be off.”

They do. Confused and a tad bit worried, they follow Mydei to the door. You wave them goodbye, but don't get up to see them off. Neither does Phainon. Spirits low, Mem hops off his shoulder to float back to Stelle’s side.

Three knocks. The doors open on their own. One last glance at you that Alisa is quick enough to steal reminds her how easily her heart aches for others. To live is to survive. To dream is to suffer. Whatever you saw in that last memory was enough for you to keep your knowledge to yourself. And it is for the best that you can trust yourself to make such decisions. Alisa isn't sure she can say that about herself and not turn out to be a liar.

Mydei is far less of a competent guide than Phainon is. The journey is far too fast and now it's evident why this place is called the Temple of Silence. None of the questions they had were answered, none if them were even brought up in the first place. At least Shuhua can sleep soundly now with her conscience clear of any doubt that she's secondhand complacent in someone else’s infidelity. It doesn't seem like enough, however.

So even when Mydei comes to an abrupt stop near the gates of the Temple, Alisa has half a mind to ask at least something. She knows he won't indulge her curiosity, the prince is not Phainon and cares not about faux pleasantries of keeping up with appearances. But as it turns out, Mydei was itching to share a word or two with them already.

“Deliverer is too soft on you, so I’m going to say it myself.” It's one way to put it, but who are the humble Trailblazers to argue with a disgraced prince of a fallen nation. “This is the last time you come here for favors of such matter. That fool might deny it and say we and the Dressmaster reached a compromise, but he made his choice a long time ago. And my pact with Aglaea is fragile and I hold little to no attachment to either the Goldweaver or the Holy Maiden.” A slow yet steady pace at which a warning turns into a thinly veiled threat, “He’s delusional and living on borrowed time. I am immortal and I cannot forget. If you bring danger to her doorstep, I will pay you tenfold.”

Nobody responds. What is even there to say to such a declaration? Even more questions than before, Alisa can't help but wonder just how exactly Phainon and Mydei came to an agreement when it came to sharing your love and how you had it in your heart heart to tie both of them down to your soul so selfishly.

Not like Mydei would ever give her a clear explanation. No longer truly human, Mydei owes the Nameless even less than he did when he was just a Chrysos Heir. All have their own memories to preserve and it's none of their business, anyway.

“You keep bringing up Aglaea but what exactly did we do that's illegal?” Stelle is rarely as tactful as she should be, however. Maybe that's why she gets what she wants so easily. Audacity gets you places tact cannot. “Is your… arrangement not up to her moral standards? Or is it about the–”

Mydei chuckles bitterly, a sarcastic undertone coloring his humorless laughter and Stelle shuts her mouth quickly. “If there's someone who has those so-called arrangements you speak of, then it would be the Goldweaver. You should ask her about it if you are that invested into other people’s private lives.”  For the first time in a long time it feels like they finally crossed the line with the meddling in affairs that do not concern them. Mydei doesn't allow them to wallow in self pity, unceremoniously showing the group to the gates. “That being said, you’ve exhausted your question quota here. Leave.”

No goodbyes are exchanged but nobody expects the prince to send them off with a warm pat on the back. Shuhua, once again melancholic, dejectedly scratches on the shiny fabric of the pincushion strapped to one of the belts of her outfit. Mem is babbling away about something that leaves Stelle in less than elated mood. Dan Heng will surely scold them for snooping when they return to their room, but for now Alisa must embrace the shame.

“And learn to hide better next time, outlanders.”

To live is to suffer. To dream is to survive.

The tears you wept into the silver bowl cover the pink gemstone like ocean water drowns the corpses of the fallen. Even in death, you yearn to preserve a memory that remains nothing but a distant dream in the eyes of those who remember.

Maybe killing an Aeon is easier than salvaging broken pieces of rapidly melting ice.

Only one way to find out.

[causticsodaa]

Umemiya and his self-blaming tendencies

It’s a subtle thing, but details like this are what I absolutely love about Wind Breaker.

From the get-go, we see that Umemiya struggled immensely with his [suppressed] grief as well as self-esteem as a child. After the accident with his parents, he internalizes the fact that he is a murderer and he [indirectly] killed his parents and unborn sibling—all because they had saved him. Ergo, Ume blames himself for being selfish and doesn’t even allow himself to grieve for his parents.

He externalized his self hatred when he was younger: not eating properly, pushing people away, declaring himself a murderer, and even trying to kill himself by provoking some thugs to beat him to death (before his savior stepped in).

He repeats the phrase “It’s my fault” over and over again, before ending with a “because I was selfish”. Ume genuinely, wholeheartedly believed that he was responsible for letting the ones he loved die instead of the literal truck that killed them—all because he wanted to look at some toys like any normal, curious child—and that he is the one who needed to repent for the atrocity.

I’m going to put this in perspective: do you understand how messed up it is for someone at his age (or at any age, really—though with how young he was, it’s seriously heartbreaking) to be this suicidal? Coupled with the immense grief of losing his parents and sibling at 9 years old, it’s no wonder Ume was at his wits end.

But his savior, being the strange instigator he is, decides to tell this to kid Ume:

This is obviously a terrible thing to say, especially to a child who’s suicidal, but it’s the final push that Umemiya needs to properly go through with it.

When he attempts to take his life, he once again convinces himself that he doesn’t deserve to live, and that he needs to pay for what he had done.

However, despite the suicidal bravado he displayed earlier, Ume feels scared. Subconsciously, he doesn’t want to truly die (though he hasn’t realized this yet), given that his hand shakes with fear. It’s the onset of his self-doubt; but Ume decides to suppress these feelings once more, believing that he doesn’t deserve to even feel scared. Instead, he deserves to die and be punished for his wrongdoings.

He apologizes to his family one last time, but he suddenly remembers his parents (who were drawn with no facial features in Ume’s memories) faces.

They were smiling.

Ume realizes this too late, and regrets the first step he takes off the ledge.

Thankfully, his savior was there to well—save him in the nick of time.

This action may seem counterintuitive given his words to Umemiya prior, but I speculate that he followed him to the building and waited to actually stop Ume. In actuality, he makes Ume realize himself that he doesn’t deserve to die and lets him teeter at the edge of death to really hammer it in.

This is proven by the pep-talk he gives kid Ume after rescuing him:

After hearing his savior’s words, the last thing Ume thinks of are his parents before he passes out. He’s letting himself realize that it wasn’t his fault, since his parents were smiling to the very end. Maybe his parents didn’t hate Umemiya for letting them get killed, after all.

And Shitara tells Ume this quite bluntly, too. He doesn’t sugarcoat his words, and tells it as it is; Umemiya’s parents have always loved him.

These words, alongside the events with his savior, makes Umemiya realize that it wasn’t his fault in the end.

But Ume still doubts himself. So he asks Shitara one last thing.

And Yuki Shitara replies with a simple:

And it’s the last push that makes Ume forgive himself.

After the events of these chapters, Umemiya seems to be recovering well, and makes a vow to protect the ones he loves.

However, there’s a catch: Umemiya says that he won’t fail again. Subconsciously, he still feels responsible for everything, despite his saviors and Shitara’s words, as well as his own feelings.

Which brings us back to Umemiya and Takiishi’s fight in Noroshi.

Instead of trying to put everything on Takiishi, he instead blames himself for letting Noroshi wage war on Furin. Since he never truly got to understand Chika during their first year, this means it was his own shortcoming, right?

But just like his childhood days, Umemiya is wrong. It’s not his fault (it’s literally Chika and Endo’s LOL). Yet, his old guilt complex comes into play here. Even though Ume has recovered mentally since his family’s death, old habits die hard.

What’s interesting to me is how this panel was written in the original Japanese version:

Ume refers to himself as オレ (ore, meaning I), but the furinaga beside it reads てめ (teme, meaning you but said in a derogatory way). If you don’t know what furinaga is, this explains it better than I can.

In manga, furinaga can also utilized as a double meaning for certain words as a stylistic choice. (Unfortunately it doesn’t translate well in English or other languages :C) In this specific panel, “I” here can be read as “you” derogatorily). Given that Ume is blaming himself, he also refers to himself in a much more worse light, further emphasizing the guilt he feels.

However, this wasn’t the only thing that has stayed from his childhood days. His entire philosophy about food stems from his past experiences and even the advice he gives to Choji during Shishitoren is reminiscent of what his savior had told him. It’s pretty cool how even after all his growth, Umemiya’s grief still affects him to this day.