#there is symbolism here in my brain that makes it shippy

[liauditore]

day 1: sun/moon (gempearl)

so so excited for another round of @mcyt-yuri-week!!!!!! a little late on the start cus i got sick the weekend before lmao but hopefully it should be smoother sailing from here ✌️

alt below

this might just end up being gempearl week for me we'll see 🙏

[cormoranstruck]

The Ink Black Heart: Braindump

**many spoilers ahead**

Firstly I want to say apologies for the DREADFUL formatting. There’s huge spaces between sections and no line spaces within the sections. I’m fully aware. This was originally written in the notes app and the Tumblr app hates copy and paste apparently. I couldn’t bring myself to type it all in again from scratch.

But here it is! A lot of this is just me letting my brain run free and might make no sense to anyone but writing it out helps me make sense of everything for myself.

The Case

Up until about page 800, I was fully ready to come out and say I did *not* like this case. It was almost labyrinthine in the way it baffled me. So many characters, both real and virtual, and trying to figure out which real life character is which mod in the game and who could possibly be Anomie, left me with a headache a lot of the time. I had to force myself to read through the more case-heavy chapters at the beginning of the book and resist the urge to flip ahead to more main character-led/shippy content. What I will say with some pride though, is I guessed Gus was the killer very early on - which never happens for me! Real talk, and others may disagree, but I do genuinely feel like a lot of women online are mostly able to pick out that type of male character a mile off and I just sensed it from first meeting of Gus. Also the way Flavia spoke about him was very sus from the beginning. The crescendo of this case however, was probably the best of any of the books for me. My heart was genuinely beating so fast at that final scene. Gus telling Robin very matter of factly that he was going to rape Robin before he killed her made my spine shiver. And then Strike being stabbed!! Absolutely did not see any of that coming and audibly gasped a few times. Something else that wasn’t hard to notice was how much danger this case put everyone in; the letter bomb at the office, the dude being pushed into the path of a train and Robin jumping down to help, the entire end scene with Gus - this book seemed to place everyone, particularly Robin, in peril at some point. As an aside though, I like the sense of renewal and reborn that the office explosion seemed to give. It feels like a fresh start is about to happen and I really do think that’s intentionally symbolic and hopefully a hint to good things to come.

Character Development

I’ve loved the development of more “minor” characters in IBH. Particularly Ilsa and Robin’s close friendship and her love life advice. Ilsa is the OG strellacott shipper and it gives me LIFE. I love that she’s there to remind Robin all the things that us as readers want her to know about the way Strike sees and values her. I think the reader is able to see so much of themselves and their thoughts on Corm and Robin reflected by Ilsa, I know I do, and that’s why I genuinely shed a little happy tear at her pregnancy news. Again, a rebirth and a renewal - seems to be a fledgling theme of sorts!! Also definitely worthy of a mention is Strike and Barclay’s bantery friendship. Absolutely loved the way they bounce off eachother and hope there’s more to come. Pat really endeared herself to me in IBH, she seems to have a secret soft spot for Cormoran that makes me so happy. Her basically saving Cormoran’s life and then dusting herself off and worrying more about her e-cig was just iconic. I also love the introduction of Midge!!! I need more Midge content in my life and I hope she gets a bit more involved with the other characters next book.

Charlotte

I remember there was some debate after Troubled Blood as to whether we’d be seeing Charlotte again. Cormoran had deleted her phone number and all roads were leading to Robin at that point. However, Charlotte is Charlotte. Deleting her number isn’t going to deter her and my girl knows people who know people who know people. She was always going to creep back somehow.

Might be contentious, but part of me did think a little bit of Cormoran at the beginning of this book wasn’t fully over Charlotte, deep down. When Valentine told him about Madeline’s connection to Charlotte, he didn’t run a mile as I - and to be fair, most people - would if the guy I was chatting up turned out to be matey with a particularly batshit ex of mine. I found it really really interesting to see him date a girl that both looked like Robin physically, but knew Charlotte on a social level and had similar social climber tendencies. It’s almost as if it was his way of having a little bit of both, and ultimately realising that can’t work. What’s changed though, and what made my heart happy, was Cormoran’s reaction to Charlotte’s clear manipulation and advances. A part of me did really think we’d have a Charmoran (?) reprisal at one point, but he seems almost…pitiful toward her? He truly does seem to have moved on - and this was seen in that almost seismic revelation toward the end of the book that Charlotte doesn’t care a damn about her children, and there aren’t any hidden sensitive depths to her as he had once believed. This was big for me as a reader as if I’m honest, I’d thought he’d came to that conclusion a long time ago but clearly he hadn’t, so seeing it on paper gave a sense of finality that was so refreshing to read. Do I think we’ve seen the last of Charlotte now? Maybe not in terms of her being mentioned. I’m sure she’ll crop up at some point even if it’s just an update on where her life is at. But I do genuinely believe this is finally the last of Cormoran being in any way affected by her.

Corm & Robin

So the big one, of course, is that we got two admissions of love!!!! Or at very least Cormoran now concedes he can’t deny ‘its’ existence. That’s an admission to me! This is huge. I do truly hope that this is the last book of slow burn before we see actual romantic content. I know RG said in interview that they feel Robin and Cormoran both need to fix a lot about themselves before they can be ready for one another and I do believe we saw a lot of that in IBH. It felt a lot different than previous instalments in terms of emotional development from both; I noticed, for example, Robin taking Cormoran to task for any snarky offhand comments she found patronising or insulting, telling him specifically why she didn’t like them. In books gone by, she’d brood over those comments for days before either letting it go or waiting until Cormoran realised his errors and apologised. There’s the obvious changes too, of course. As much as I hated reading about Robin kissing Pez or agreeing to date Ryan, I get why she needed to do that. I feel like most of us have told a girlfriend that they should broaden their horizons and see different people after a breakup, so I’d likely give that advice to Robin. That said though, the end of the Coda chapter absolutely killed. Me. Off. I can’t pretend I’m not planning some kind of quickfic about two certain people going on the most disastrous date anyone’s ever been on…. A central theme of the book was Cormoran’s health finally catching up with him, and his complete bullish stubbornness in regard to doing anything about it. I think a lot of us know somebody like this. My own dad would rather chew his fingers off than admit he might be a little bit unwell, for example. So we all know how frustrating it is to see someone in total pain and letting the problem fester and worsen when they could just swallow their pride and sort it out early on. If we want to get all CliffNotes over here - and made no mistake, I always wanna get CliffNotey - this is mirrored with Corm’s refusal to face his feelings for Robin head on, choosing to let them simmer away and letting Robin think he’s uninterested, or his avoidance of his father and extended family. Cormoran is a really brave guy, but he’s also quite a daft one. His daftness, combined with that ever-present overprotectiveness, however, provided us with the most quotable and gif-able comment of the whole series - “I don’t want to lose you” - cue me, in the words of Ms Swift: screaming, crying. And ultimately, I think this is what pushes him to improve his health and lifestyle. Sure, being stabbed and almost losing even more of his leg helped, but he wants to be better for Robin. She doesn’t want to lose him so he won’t let himself be lost. If I think too much about it I’ll dissolve into a puddle of goo. I feel like book 7 will see a real kiss at least. I think Robin’s hesitation with Strike’s attempt came from not being quite there yet with her realisation of feelings. As much as I would have loved it to be then, it wouldn’t have been right. There would have been more questions raised than either were happy answering and a lot of doubts and discomfort. My genuine prediction is that when it does happen it’ll be in very dramatic circumstances or very much like chapter 58 from Troubled Blood. I’m picturing either a near death scenario on the one hand, or a whiskey-soaked lamplit late-night rendezvous on the other. Both equally delicious…. Either way, Robin’s name is etched on the door now so they’re as good as married in my eyes x

[army-of-mai-lovers]

1, 5, 8, 12, 18, 20, 22 for the ask thing; you dont have to do all of them lol

lmao try me

1. Tell us about your current project(s)  – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?

answered here!

5. What character that you’re writing do you most identify with?

Okay this is my third attempt at answering this but I’m going to say Mako. Like me, Mako is mixed, like me, Mako is an oldest sibling, with all the mess that comes with that, and like me, Mako spends so much time people pleasing that he has no idea who he actually is. I’ve written a lot of characters who have traits similar to me in some way, but Mako is so similar to me that the first time I tried to watch lok I could not stand him because he reminded me of all the parts of myself I couldn’t stand (although I didn’t realize it at the time). He’s weird and awkward and stubborn and shouldering way too much, but I love him nonetheless. 

8. Is what you like to write the same as what you like to read?

literally not at all lmao. I don’t read nearly as much fic as I used to, but the fic that I do read most often is fluffy shippy stuff, which is largely not the kind of stuff I write. fanfic for me is definitely comfort reading, and so I try to maximize the comfort as much as possible. outside of fic....yeah honestly I read way more romance than you would expect looking at my listed works on ao3. other than that, I read a lot of nonfiction and poetry, and sometimes I like to read “literary” books. I’m really trying to expand my horizons reading-wise (and I think in a lot of ways I’m succeeding) but honestly I think people get a little too up in arms about trying to make other people expand their horizons reading-wise. I’m in college, and I have to read a bunch for school, so if in my free time I just want to read fluffy oneshots on ao3 that’s what I’m going to do. When I gather up the time and energy I really enjoy reading more “literary” stuff on my own time, and that stuff tends to have a huge impact on me (and my work), but I believe that, at least to an extent, you should let people turn off their brains every once in a while. it’s a shit world out there and the least you can do is read about your favorite characters getting together in the stupidest most cliche way possible. so yeah, I practice turning my brain off every once in a while as a form of self-care, and I’m not ashamed of that in the slightest. 

12. Do you want your writing to be famous?

that is an excellent question. I’d really like to be a writer someday, and I’d like to be able to live off of income from my writing, so in that sense yes I’d like my writing to be famous. as far as fanfic is concerned? eh. it seems like a lot of pressure and a lot of nonsense to have a fic that Everyone Knows About And Is Waiting For You To Update. but also, there are certain fics of mine where I would like it if they got popular throughout the fandom, if only so that people would start emulating choices that I made in their own writing (e.g. not setting their modern aus in the US/UK/Europe). I don’t know though, I think even if that happened, it wouldn’t happen in the way I wanted it to. every time I’ve seen this fandom shift in what I think will be a more equitable less racist direction, all that’s actually happened is that people come up with new racist tropes to fit whatever “unproblematic” new trope the fandom’s come up with. at the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter what I want though, because my fics are either going to get popular or they’re not, and from what I’ve seen, my writing and the larger atla/lok fandom aren’t that compatible, so that’s the end of that. 

18. Do any of your stories have alternative versions? (plotlines that you abandoned, AUs of your own work, different characterisations?) Tell us about them.

in an early outline of ktwab, Zuko was going to be a bender, which if you’ve read that fic would have changed the storyline drastically, since so much of his character in the published fic revolves around him not being a bender. I wasn’t super comfortable with the nonbender Zuko hc at the time I was outlining ktwab for the first time, so I was really hesitant to put it in the fic, but after a while I realized that it was the right thing for the story. honestly, I’ve really come to love it. there’s always something interesting about imagining a bending character without bending, but I think it’s most interesting when looking at Zuko because it’s both so close to canon (in that he’s a late bloomer wrt Firebending and he’s not that great at it for most of the show) and so far away from it (in that Firebending is an integral part of the way canon Zuko views the world). and it gets doubly interesting when he’s the primary antagonist to Avatar Sokka. 

20.Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?

ugh ok I’m going to copy/paste part of a mini essay I wrote about character foils in ktwab but redact all the parts that would indicate who it’s about because it’s all spoilers: 

[REDACTED] has been cheated out of power, and his every action is motivated out of anger that he was cheated out of that power. Even his love for [REDACTED] is colored by the fact that he knows that one day, [REDACTED] might repay him by allowing him to survive and thrive when he’s [REDACTED]. [REDACTED], on the other hand, has never had access to imperial power and thus has never had the opportunity to be cheated out of it. His anger is at the fact that imperial power exists. Thus, while both of them are angry and fight against the Fire Nation with violence, [REDACTED]’s is the anger that’s misguided. It is based in a selfish desire to regain imperial power rather than a solidarity with people who have never had imperial power. Thus, his death in Ba Sing Se foreshadows the death of imperial power itself, a la [REDACTED], rather than power simply changing hands. Not only does [REDACTED] die, he dies for [REDACTED], the one best suited to end the imperial project of the Fire Nation. [REDACTED]’s role to him changes from “person who can help me survive” to “person who benefits from me losing my imperial power” to “person whom I can help end the imperial project” Meanwhile, [REDACTED]’s survival signifies the survival of an organized anti-imperialist resistance, one with an incredible amount of teeth, and its alliance with people who have the power to enact it on a grand scale. 

22. Do you reread your old works? How do you feel about them?

I think the only one I reread somewhat often is the greatest of them all, and even that I haven’t looked at in a long time. my feelings toward that fic in particular are mixed, mostly because that was the first thing I’d written creatively in a long while and it’s pretty apparent from the writing style of it (at least to me). but I think that with every new fic (or every new chapter of fics I’ve been working on for an obscene amount of time) I improve as a writer, and the whole reason I got into writing fanfiction is because I want to be a better writer. so I’m grateful towards any piece of work that helped me get there. 

writer meta ask game!

[sovinly]

For your ficlet prompts: Could I have something with R and Combeferre, maybe for "I... Im surprised you knew that. No one else can wax pedantic quite so poetically." Please and thank you and you're wonderful and I hope life is being good to you.

(Thank you so much for your long bout of patience! You’re always the loveliest and wonderful, and I hope life is treating you well! Life has been rather absurdly busy lately, but I’ve finally gotten to this prompt and I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it!

There’s a heavy silence, growing the awkward the longer itsits unanswered.

“I... I’m surprised you knew that,” Grantaire finally says,when the wait becomes too much. He clears his throat nervously, fidgets with aloose thread on his shirt hem, tries for a grin. “No one else can wax pedanticquite so poetically.”

Combeferre smiles back, gentle and maybe a little anxious atthe same time. “You pick up quite a bit, practicing for my line of work.”

“No, I know that,” Grantaire agrees, and sighs deeply,slumping in his chair. “It’s just the difference, between, y’know, knowing thatyou and Joly can give me clinical rundowns of statistics of having a fucked upbrain, and you peeling me apart like an onion.”

“If I’ve overstepped…” Combeferre starts, with a prodigious frowndigging furrows in his brows.

Yes, Grantaire wants to say, and yes. But he did, after all,ask for it. Has shared things, because he’s trying to open up a little more,these days. Especially with Combeferre, who has a sharp mind and a soft heartworn on his sleeve.

Grantaire’s heart is an apple left in the sun, and histongue is a scalpel’s honed edge. He’s not sure how they meet, but he’s trying.

“No,” Grantaire says, inches his hand closer to brush theedge of his pinky against Combeferre’s. “You’re right, those are all thingsthat are… true. How the fuck you understand my family better than me is deeplyironic. I’d ask if you wanted to swap places, but wow, I would not inflict thaton you.”

He’s thought a thousand times he’d shove anyone into hisplace, like a drowning man flailing for a breath. It’s made him guilty andbitter and angry, but it’s hard to be any of those things around Combeferre.

“We’ve been friends for a while,” Combeferre points out,with remarkable gentleness and a dry edge that eases any sting of it. “As itturns out, I have a lot of feelings about seeing my friends upset. Familydynamics are always a touchy subject, but, uh-”

“A hot button issue?” Grantaire asks, drier still. SoCombeferre waxes as eloquent on familial dysfunction as on governmentalpolicies and renewable energy. It makes it easier to swallow, that Combeferrejust cares in general, and in the specific because they’re friends, rather thanthe opposite. It’s easier to be cared about on principle. Grantaire’s still notsure he has principles, when people are looking at him. “Do you want to pretendthis conversation never happened?”

And Combeferre’s eyes are still intent, a little apologetic,much too kind, but Grantaire is weirdly fond of it. Combeferre smiles again,though he clearly doesn’t expect either of them to actually dismiss this weirdwhole conversation, and taps his knuckles against Grantaire’s forearm, aglancing touch. “Would you rather hold some rats and we can trade fun rat factsinstead?”

“I,” Grantaire proclaims, relieved and grateful andawkwardly a little touched, “would love that. D’you know much about thesymbolism of mustelids in art?”

“No, but go on,” Combeferre says, and grins shamelessly atGrantaire. “No one else can wax pedantic quite so poetically, after all.”

Grantaire rolls his eyes heavily, but snorts in laughter allthe same.

[elizabethrobertajones]

13x18 watching notes

Hi sorry I’m late I was knitting a very long scarf in a farmhouse in the middle of nowhere for a week :D

I just got home, I have tea, and I guess I am doing this

FYI I am closer in relation to a slime jelly than a human being right now

my expectations from 3 days ago were optimistically that this plays into Buckleming's strong spots and with proper care and management perhaps a decent-ish episode could be wrangled out of them if we make the allowance we're non-negotiably watching one of their episodes to start with...

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That was the shortest recap Buckleming have probably ever had and it speaks to one of the strengths of this season in a way: the main problems were set in 12x23 and all they need to do is find a way to un-do them and have been making on and off progress all season. With Wayward Sisters and Scoobynatural we had to put a few brakes on it but for the sake of really entertaining side projects, and on the other side of Scoobynatural we can supposedly coast to the end. And so, we get the last spell ingredients in the very next episode and off we go, and what's left is the set up going into this, of a relatively pared down, personal story and like season 8 almost entirely motivated by what Sam and Dean WANT to do and what they are willing to do to achieve that, rather than by having some urgent problem they tangle with on and off.

I hope that the last run of episodes to the end can play out in whatever way it likes, because right now there is very little nonsense from this season that actually matters towards the main plot that isn't directly in play...

though the recap didn't mention Michael or Lucifer and we'd be so lucky if Buckleming didn't write them :P

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they didn't use the apocalypse AU set but went for an outdoors version of the world... Nuclear winter maybe?? It seems like the angels and demons have a specific battlefield and in 13x14 we saw the woods where Bobby had a camp... I think this world might be in a terrible state but the natural world at least might be untouched, where it didn't have too much human influence... Who knows.

Have to explain the Vancouver snow somehow anyways :P

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Ketch is still beat up looking from his fight with Asmodeus although I don't even want to match his injury level now vs what was supposedly a few hours ago at most where Asmodeus was kicking the snot out of him in a rib-breaking sort of way. The light here also has made Dean look exceptionally attractive even by his standards.

In any case Ketch is wavering along a fine line of am i here to steal jack for power or save Mary because I still have a confusing boner for her in my heart or am I just here to save myself and be a dick... the usual kind of thing. I am assuming they're gonna play at least a degree of redemption with him but it makes it interesting in reverse to Jack that it teases he may go dark but he's ultimately a sweetie... Ketch is a dick through and through but they can tease the different paths he might take. From Buckleming's POV, redeeming him before he inevitably will be killed off again might be a sense of completing his story. I remain grumbly and annoyed he's back at all, and there are some boringly predictable paths he may take so I kind of hope he doesn't, or that the final writing of him falls to some other writer.

Still. This may or may not be a first chance to kill him off and "justify" bringing him back...

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"She will kill you... again."

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Uhoh, angels. I feel like we might be about to meet a surprise face here... i suppose among either the angels or the humans, because any one of these angels could be a named character from seasons 4-12 brought back on a whim - including up to AU!Cas doing his job. And then the humans have their heads in bags

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well it's not the first 2 humans

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oh look the smaller human with the long red hair was the small human with the long red hair.

Welp.

Look, this literally does not erase a single thing that they did in 10x21 and they can NOT buy that back, but at the same time I am glad on a wider level to see her again. I wish it was not Buckleming because I just can't trust them to be doing this for any reason other than people were angry and they are throwing peanuts at us and I have 0 expectation they'll have a progressive agenda or write Charlie particularly interestingly or well.

But if it puts her back into the story and she doesn't die...

I should ask Mittens that actually :P

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Okay, Mittens confirms I do not have to watch her die again.

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Anyway. I doubt lessons are really learned on their end in their specific minds, which is all I actually want. I mean, Charlie could stay dead if we got a "we're sorry and we finally understand the problem and we were dicks but we'll try better" from Buckleming, and I feel like this is just literally beyond their capability with what we know about them vs fan interaction, and I doubt Dabb could twist their arms on that and have anything meaningful sink in. And so I will accept surface level that it's nice to see her again in some form but I don't have to like or forgive BL for doing this, and I can fully mistrust their motives, but like... whatever

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Mary and Charlie have met, which means me writing shippy fic about them once upon a time kinda pays off.

I mean, that also implies she's a friend of Bobby's which is kinda sad because they only crossed paths in 7x20 and he broke her arm.

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Also wait, as well, Buckleming brought back AU!Kevin, another character they killed and was really crappy because boo killing off the show's meagre representation and especially more meagre representation among main-ish secondary characters (i.e. anyone who has at least 2-3 episodes, on this show :P)

In that case it was a LOT more like they were doing it because it was a part of the plot, as with Benny, but Charlie was wildly egregious, and Eileen just plain infuriating and recent enough it felt clear that they had NOT learned their lesson and really had no intention of doing so. Bringing back both Charlie and Kevin means, honestly, that I can practically see the peanuts they're hurling at us with the intention of shutting us up.

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Anyway yay Cas n Sam hang out times

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"And Misha Collins" flashes up on the screen, superimposed over Cas.

my lizard brain: "Oh good, Cas is in this episode"

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i tired

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At this point, Cas and Sam bickering over Dean as siblings and brothers in law is just... so completely commonplace it slips my mind to comment on it, whereas once upon a time I would have been wildly excited just to see it, the fact of their dynamic is deliciously cemented, and I'm just happy they're hanging out now :P

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I still think Sam might have had better luck reminding Gabriel of the FUN things he did to them rather than the heroic tragic supposed death which was really just, well... whatever it was, if this is the real Gabriel

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Why do I feel like Sam giving him his grace is a bad idea?

Also... why has he got it on a bandana in a serving dish? Is this just because it's kinda vaguely funny, or because it was making a low whistling noise the entire time and he covered it up because it was starting to set his teeth on edge? I mean, like... what is going on here... I'm just using the cues they give us :P

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Let the choo choo in

Cas learned a lot about how to handle infants when he was reading up on what to do about raising Jack. It's almost sad he doesn't have a baby to mess around with. I just spent a week with a baby and spent most of it trying to make him say "Marmoset" as his first word.

It's also wildly distracting in a hilarious way from wondering WHY Gabriel is so scared of supposedly his own grace. Maybe being what he once was, or becoming something he doesn't want to be.

Cas did the exact same thing when Crowley was trying to make him eat Adina's grace, although in that case Crowley was like omg shut up I already killed her, and you need to go save Dean for the both of us so just do it and die later, asshole, and Cas opened up with the right motivation. Choo choo.

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Anyway you would freaking think SAMUEL AND CASTIEL WINCHESTER of all people would NOT try and force a foreign powerful substance into someone else's mouth when they didn't seem to want it

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Jo!! Hey babe, how's running Heaven going?

Well, she has to manage this dumbass so not well, apparently. There's presumably only so much she can get out of it when he just wants to play solitaire or "strip poker" with her... (playing with himself vs playing with someone else... is it a metaphor for him just sitting in his room jerking it while she does all the work? :P) but anyways... i love the image of his stupid pointy throne like hurr blurr look at me I run heaven and she's got a practical comfy chair next to it to sit and like... actually run heaven :P

Her "out" sounds like she was definitely off doing whatever she could, and both of them are reading/pretending the other was doing nothing, while Lucifer was BLATANTLY doing nothing and has no interest in doing it, while she needs the symbol of being attached to him to get what SHE needs, aka actual power and ruling Heaven, and clearly has run into a problem she can't deal with, without having Lucifer standing next to her.

You know, like how they say to bring a man when you go car shopping because you'll get a better deal and not get ripped off

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mittensmorgul side note: EVEN HEAVEN'S COLDEST ROOM HAS A SOFA BUT NOT THE DEAN CAVE #MadAboutIt

elizabethrobertajones You know that was the very next thing I was going to type

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Lucifer uses Dumas to neg Jo about how she should be happy to be his "first lady" of Heaven, focusing on the me me me me side of the problem, grumbling about their relationship and how she's nagging him as a way of her showing disrespect etc

In this case I think Buckleming MAY be hitting the right note, maybe even on the side of too heavily, of Lucifer as the useless entitled male and Jo as the smart competent woman with her shit together... I mean, to the point where I'm ASSUMING we're on Jo's side but it might be one of those things where they literally do think it's funny to make her nag lucifer and they're on his side but I'm so wildly feminist compared to them that I literally can not read this scene from any side but rooting for her first, Dumas second, literally any other angel who  might walk through the door third, and finally and firmly last, Lucifer

I mean, Lucifer is literally draining Jo for power and is presumably at this point completely dependant on her since they may be doing a drug metaphor again, especially an implication that angel grace is addictive, re: Asmodeus (and what a nice throwback to Cas and how strong he was to resist it with all his heart when it was destroying him but also to say how TOXIC being an angel really is, perhaps also re: where we're going with Gabriel)... And yet he still claims Dumas rules in his favour when she answers neutrally, showing him choosing to make a wilfully wrong interpretation to back up what he wants to see. Aka this is not a metaphor for anyone in power right now and throwing around the word "first lady" in this scene means nothing? :P

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Dumas tries to remind Lucifer that he said he could make angels and he's like no go away and get Jack.. reeeally starting to doubt that he can do it

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lol "your father created. you inherited"

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Sister Jo is amazing and also I think I witnessed Buckleming shitting on Trump for a whole scene and I'm actually kind of amazed and horrified we agree on an extremely broad and obvious political issue

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Asmodeus has those balls you spin around to strengthen your hand... on the other hand hehe he's playing with balls

we're going from the all-white heaven throne room with the asshole devil sitting on it, to the dark hell throne room with the all-white angel grace addicted demon sitting on it. This is actually a reasonably good scene transition and in general so far this episode has been weirdly well paced to the 9 minute mark at least, with a well-placed title card reveal, a how are sam n cas scene after and then the 2 sides of thrones one after the other, showing how the seats of power are doing right now...

not sure how long this LASTS but good editing may one day save us from the Buckleming nonsense if someone would just be sterner with it. There's so much in their episodes I could chop out...

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Also, Asmodeus is getting more interesting, twitchy and fidgeting now he's in withdrawal, and well aware that the grace was the only thing making him remotely a power player.

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lol @ dean letting branches hit Ketch as they go

in fact I'm headcanoning that he turned around and noticed him missing because he didn't hear the satisfying "thwap" of another thorn hitting him in the face and had to look to see what happened

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oh, nothing dramatic, just Ketch being a drama queen. Anyway, it was more of an incentive to start that argument than them just getting into it at random while walking so... kudos for introducing a scene with more than "we are talking about this now because we are"

Dean leads with that they're looking for Charlie because she's seen Mary, then she's seen Jack, and "we need her" - a clear practical motivation. Ketch counters that there is a different, personal reason to want her saved. A use your words correctly moment.

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Aaand now Dean's been shot by a slaver... the AU is fun

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Oh, this is a different bedroom set with no stairs, probably so they could ruin it by painting all over it. I wonder if Gabriel manifested this, because idk if they'd have left him the resources :P

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"It's his story, starting with his death" - a nice person translated some of it and found it WAS Bible verses relating to Gabriel, but the question is that this is going to tell us something different. The set people write a different story than the script, especially as there's no bible verse for 5x18 :P

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Oh good, so even if Gabriel isn't speaking, we're getting his words, in a way, including with snark about how Lucifer has half his brains, which in 5x18 seemed debatable that he might be whiny but did actually have a big old apocalypse going, but by now with Lucifer reduced to rubble in terms of being actually frightening, effective, or driven, all the archangels are diminished one way or another, including Gabriel himself. But his words betray the personality underneath lives on and is around and maybe retrievable, as there is snark within this writing, even if outwardly, Gabriel is a mess.

I mean.

I type this as someone who is so tired I can't speak without getting every sentence backwards and I have half-lidded eyes, am utterly depleted to the point I can barely walk, but inwardly, typey typey chatty chatty and I can still get much more advanced words out if I don't have to move anything other than my fingers and no running the words through the mouth. I am essentially borderline catatonic yet inwardly full of words and snark :P

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(I just travelled like 150 miles today after a week of touristing and these things don't stack well with chronic fatigue)

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Also to get this read, we need lots of close ups of Cas's hands touchy touchy... I like this. Cas likes to touchy touchy and we get to see close ups of his hands. Everyone wins

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and by everyone i mean don't imagine cas reading dean's face like this

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"Gabriel was gone, and suddenly, I was free - no obligation to God, or Heaven, or mankind."

("And so I did what anyone would do. I moved to Monte Carlo and shacked up with pornstars.")

The first line - epic. The second... lol. Gabriel's tastes have been compared to Dean's since we met the Trickster - they even bonded a lil over his sense of humour and the babes he conjured for Dean in the final confrontation. I was musing on some reverse verse art and realised angel!Dean written with no hang ups would be remarkably like fanon!Gabe, which just put me even more off Sabriel. In any case there was always a direct line between him and Dean. Of course, Dean literally has also crossed off his bucket list sleeping with a favourite porn star, so though chronologically it seems Gabriel got there first, it's another Dean trait being handed to him.

But on the other hand... back to the serious line... he DOES have hang ups, and he has the same angel hang ups that Cas does. This is the comparison of what they did after the apocalypse, and the diverging paths they were on. Cas felt this obligation to God and Heaven which played an overall part in his downfall in season 6 - 6x20 hammering home that he's waiting for God to tell him no before he does the thing, and in that moment of despair of missing the sign, he goes and does it. Cas has been struggling with this a long time and this is another thing along with the Sister Jo storyline and the stuff she said to Lucifer in 13x13 about feeling human, that picks up where we were in season 10 with Cas and the human arc and so on, and how he relates to being an angel. The sense of burden and obligation, his restraint from doing stuff like naffing off to hook up always obvious because we had Balthazar in 6x03 advising him to do what he had done, and what now we know for sure Gabriel was busy doing in the same time, only much better at staying under the radar about it.

Cas has never faked his death but he has died time and time again and each time he rises once more with an obligation and duty... and this time he's determined to work out WHY he was brought back, but see also rambles in 13x14 re: no you dummy you were brought back because your family loves you and wants you around, not because you HAVE to do anything, so stop running around trying to find that purpose and do what you want because you want to do it.

... but you know, do Dean instead of pornstars

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"He goes on and on about pornstars"

*Sam looks utterly grossed out* "Cas, please..."

Cas is a good egg, he and Sam don't need to know the deets so he skips over an entire wall

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what's with Lucifer's suit? I know I'm supposed to be all fashion meta-y but honestly all I got is "it's boring and black and with the sunglasses he's obviously a douche and evil but is he supposed to look like one of the MIB?"

mittensmorgul He's playing that other Lucifer, the one who moved to LA to solve crimes? Maybe?

elizabethrobertajones ooh is that a thing? :P hahahaha

mittensmorgul either that, or my first thought was heck he thinks he's one of the Blues Brothers "We're on a mission from God."

elizabethrobertajones yeah it looks a lot like that their whole thing was - originally - to do something to help a priest, right? I only watched half the movie

mittensmorgul YEP

mittensmorgul well it was an orphanage they were raised in that they were trying to save, run by Sister Mary Stigmata

elizabethrobertajones anyway I never watched enough to know if they were truly misguided or did something good and their nonsense was just them being nonsensical :P like, I know they were raising chaos but did they do it? you said "trying" to save >.>

mittensmorgul yeah, all sorts of wacky circumstances try to prevent them from putting on a fundraiser concert to save the orphanage (including the police, neo-nazis... all sorts of "evil") but the end of the movie is the concert, and they save the day Let the Good Times Roll as it were (Lucifer, however, failed to pull the trick off and gave up)

elizabethrobertajones yay :D so the reference could be that he's trying to do good like they are but continues to be a total fail whale

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He tries to listen to prayers, and after like 3 seconds decides it's awful and he hates it when it's just people "whining" and begging for help - this is an ongoing part of his comparison to human!Cas, when Cas went to the church and dealt with faith from the other end, being the petitioner instead (having already been God at this point :P). The Buckleming vs faith stuff is a surprisingly good and consistent thing, and other notable moments are Dean's confession in season 10 and Amara being affronted by the Church in season 11.

Lucifer tunes in on a random exorcism instead, probably because he thinks it's more fun.

Poor random demon (Anthony?)... that would ruin your day.

I mean, technically he did exorcise the girl...

Probably should have just claimed to be God, not Lucifer. If you wanted to impress them. Now it just looks like these priests have a bigger problem on their hands...

Yep that went about as well as it could go. You need to stop... melting people..

oh what do I care

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Anyway Lucifer has no self control because tantrumy child blah blah blah

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I took a break to catch my mum up on 13x17 and wow it really rubs it home how Heaven and Hell are being manned by performing buffoons with none of the skills to do the job. Asmodeus is a loser and not even juicing himself up has made him anything more this season, summed up best in an episode where he's entirely absent and Cas's response to being imprisoned is weary eye rolling... and Lucifer is just playing at being his dad, while continuing on the path of revealing his temperament to make it impossible for him to rule effectively...

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lol Ketch is so out of the game: "these... I don't even recognise" *Dean opens his gun to reveal the angel killing bullets*

You gotta play to keep up

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"You don't look good."

"Well, you're not my type either."

Dean remembers last season, huh? He is pretty on the ball about not getting seduced that time and knows Ketch would do it at the drop of a hat to get what he wants from Dean.

see also: top bunk and Dean agreeing subtext from last episode

basically: Dean is still a small amount vulnerable to Ketch's seduction depending on his leverage, despite everything Dean knows about him, and that's enough to put up the barrier. Especially when he's hurt.

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Oh no, Ketch asking Dean what's up with Charlie anyways and guesses "she broke your heart" and Dean symbolically collapses.

Literally what happens to Dean between 10x21 and 10x22

... okay metaphorically

I mean platonic heart breaking

I find it literally impossible not to mentally insert the feeling that Ketch killed Charlie in another lifetime and doesn't remember it and Dean is struggling with that, but Ketch genuinely has no idea, but he has become such an avatar of Buckleming nonsense in my head that I can not disengage him from the concept of dead Charlie - because also MAGDA poor lil duckie - and as such I feel a sort of all-purpose Buckleming rage directed at both the concept of Charlie's death and Ketch speaking on their behalf, which ends up in a very weird cross-purposes where I am struggling to read the story accurately, which is to say, that Ketch is genuinely innocent and just being annoying, rather than actually responsible.

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Don't watch stuff this tired, kids

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And, of course, immediately after establishing that Dean is somewhat vulnerable to Ketch's seductions, he swoons and Ketch comes running to check his temperature and open his clothes to check his wound

#manly bonding in the woods

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guys, this is what Ketch WANTED to engineer in 12x14 but couldn't get his shit together to be human enough to actually do the things that turn Dean on

like... heal him

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*cough*

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Not saying that there's a serious danger Dean will be seduced. However, Dean wounded in the woods for the sake of Ketch taking care of him is a fan fic concept and as contrived homoeroticism as the #manly sweat lodge episode with Cole.

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"How's it look, mom?"

You guys have the most fucked up thing ever and I refuse to engage and you can't make me

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Is cas healing gabriel or reading his mind aka more invasive stuff

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oh good, he is trying to heal Gabriel despite  thinking it's impossible. He's trying to "jolt his mind into thinking straight"

I am curious about how we have no Sam n Cas elsewhere aside from the one argument. We've had several scenes with them now, enough to see the pattern that they appear to be focussed on Gabriel more like they are the side characters to his return, but being used to explore it and we are just getting them mostly as actors to his recovery, rather than their own feelings about what it means for him to be back and if they trust his story and so on

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Sam looks distressed that Cas thinks that they can't bring Gabriel back to himself. Considering they have the grace they need to open the portal, it seems he genuinely does feel bad for the guy, and even if he didn't die on their behalf and buggered off to live the high life after telling them how to sort the apocalypse out from afar, he did enough that Sam feels genuinely grateful to him.

It's also possible that he's dealt with Dean enough to see right through his shit, and of course there's plenty of parallels to trauma Sam has been though. Gabriel looks like the version of Sam in 6x22 who remembered Hell, and that's more than enough for Sam to sympathise, especially with the bonding scene with him and Rowena in 13x12. All told, there's enough here to say Sam is deeply invested in the SUBTEXT if you know the character history

just... idk... I would prefer some Sam n Cas talk about it away from Gabriel to get more of a sense of it, and I hope that scene is coming but I'm worried it won't

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Ketch seems to still be determined to fix Dean

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Mmmhm.

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Sorry that was a "if I had energy I would be rolling on the floor laughing at the #manly healing in the woods camera angles, like I did with 10x15, but as it is I have no energy so a raised eyebrow and low "i see you" noise in my throat will do" comment

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We now also have a back and forth at least here with healing Dean and trying to get through to Gabriel. Sam is alone with him now. I think this is where we will see that speech from the promos.

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Sam shuts out Cas as a purely symbolic gesture

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dude can hear through walls and if the last time you two were chilling in the bunker for an episode is any indication, SEE through them too

side note: see also 9x11 for Dean x Crowley and Crowley's play at seduction, including the gross fatherly overtones to go with it

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With context, Sam starting from the point that Gabriel has to dig himself out of the hole seems to reference 6x22 even more directly. He sees where Gabriel is and he's got direct experience from having his psyche broken and going catatonic. This room is playing the part of the panic room - the Bunker now can split between dungeon and bedrooms depending on how people relate to the Winchesters. Gabriel can be kept here instead of in the dungeon because they deem him good. Sam being kept in the panic room was for his own sake, but it still seemed sort of imprison-y, but then, also paralleled 4x22.

Anyways.

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"You think it's safer inside. No more torture, no more pain. No more... expectations."

Look, Sam, it's lovely of you, but you are one rare cookie who voluntarily clambered over your broken wall and took back all the fucked up parts of yourself to be whole again

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Oh boy now Sam is talking about how he's nothing like his dad and family and the whole comparison between the two of them that appeared when Gabriel was revealed as more than the Trickster. How they both ran away from their lives.

Sam's colour palette in his plaid exactly matches the walls and the writing on them

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"And then my family needed me" (Dad's on a hunting trip...) "and this is my life. No matter how many times I try to fight it, this is what I was put here to do"

Like Cas, he has sought meaning in a "why meeeeee" way, and come to conclude, through more natural deduction than most have at hand due to their high connection to the cosmos, that where they are and what they're doing is their divinely ordained purpose

interestingly, in 13x05 Dean was told this about himself, and he's the only one we know for sure IS supposed to still be doing a job, per the cosmos, while Cas and Sam both have decided for themselves that it is what they're supposed to be doing. With dramatic irony, we know Cas is wrong due to 13x03, but Sam's is entirely more complicated and an entire essay on his character and where he is now in relation to his job and family and whether he feels obligated etc, but at the end of the day, I feel like this shows both that he is mostly content to do this - but always historically more likely to say it's because it's what Dean does and without Dean he wouldn't be doing it (see also: dad's on a hunting trip) but this always leaves open the concept that Sam still feels like at his core he's not entirely built for this life and there's a lil part of him that is still oriented towards normality, that he still has an itch that might follow him to his grave about living a somewhat normal life.

As I have talked about this a lot I will stop here, but in any case, technically nothing new, but Sam phrasing some stuff that I have analysed about him a lot and it's always nice to hear your ideas repeated on screen :D

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"Sure, hookers and monte carlo sounds great" dude, sam. PORN STARS. not hookers. Have some respect, man!

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Trust Gabriel to set it up so Sam's big emotional speech needs that interjection. Always fucking with him :D

Sam's getting to the speech about making the world a better place and being needed - the need/want thing is very interesting in this context that Sam has reached out to Gabriel via not wanting to help, having a sense of wanting to be elsewhere and wanting to be free, but then saying they NEED to save the world and make it a better place, and that there are external pressures like family that NEED them there.

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It makes Dean's "need" in 8x17 SO horrifically personal in context it makes me weep

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since I didn't write down a sneaking suspicion it was Charlie in time, I am taking the big cookie for calling Gabriel's first words, after being so freaking annoyed about not knowing them last episode, and waiting to see what they'd be this episode... "Porn stars. They were porn stars, Sam."

I mean, thematically, use the right words, but also hahahaha I totally got Gabriel's line and intent down perfectly :D

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Anyway. Big cookie because last episode I was chattering about how either they'd be epic, or they'd be ridiculous, and we got ridiculous: after the Trickster lost his voice, the only way it could come back was being left an opening to say "porn stars" as his first words back.

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I'm so happy

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eeeep the Bunker doesn't seem to be built to contain archangel nonsense

or Buckleming forgot

who knows

maybe Asmodeus got the same confusing 20 mile radius as everyone else... he's gonna go stand in a corn field and look around like "... where are you?"

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Dean full on sweet potatoes face plants

Ketch is still bothering him about Charlie which is still making me feel like he murdered her in a past life and symbolically he fkin did and I think on some deep down metafuckery level Dean knows that.

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Ketch tries to suggest AU Charlie would tell the angels what they want to know and Dean's like, I know my Queen, she would never in a million billion universes do that. She's a Good Egg.

"Charlie was like family. She was a sister to me. She did more for me and Sam than I could ever say. And she was butchered by these fucking writers, and we couldn't get there in time. And I - "

:<

Dean knows he failed her, just like he failed Kevin. He should rescue AU Kevin while they're at it.

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Yeah yeah show me the bathtub, you're not fuckin tugging these heart strings, you're tugging the "I will punch you in the face" strings

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Then Ketch is all full of regret about people he didn't TRY to save. "Duty, and all that." Asmodeus really broke him, but he broke him in the direction that Ketch was ALREADY broken by the BMoL, and Ketch clearly is adrift and seeking a different path - there's something about his story which is not Cas-like but still has a shade of it - he has fallen from his organisation in dishonour, but he didn't even do that right, he just failed to be as big a dick as he could have been, was killed by people who righteously were pissed off with him, and when he popped back up he went undercover and sold his services to a high bidder, to distract from his lack of purpose, only to realise he did have some sense of morality after all, even if it had initially enormous lines like "oh shit, literal lucifer" rather than nuances, but now he is reflecting on what at the time was duty and now seems failure - his Lily Sunder moments, but again... knowing he was a dick literally right up until just now when he's suddenly turning his life around.

And blah about analysing him much more. Watching 13x17 in the middle of this episode has been confusing about my Ketchmodeus resistance/feelings, as I am now genuinely curious about them and the part they play in this story, even if intellectually I'm like "Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah" to the entire concept.

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"Well, you do suck."

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Glad Dean is here to keep us on the right track, re: cool motive still murder :P

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"Perhaps rescuing this Charlie will wash some of the stain off my hands."

look, Dabb, whoever, thanks but really, I am good over here loathing Buckleming. Get them to write a signed and sealed letter to prove they are behind this and mean it, and maybe I'll accept it as a meta commentary from their mouths. In the mean time, yes, this can be a line for the greater show, but these 2 writers are not getting sympathy without me being certain they mean it.

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Dean bumps Ketch on the shoulder, all friendly like. Welp. He's dead. It was a punch, not a pat. Gentle, but.

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Heee, Charlie (Celeste?) saying "Bite me"

tbh I should call her Celeste. I have no idea what name she's been using but Charlie was just an alter ego and I KNOW she was born Celeste Middleton if I don't know anything else about her. Charlie is really only a name she uses because Sam n Dean know it and care about her as Charlie

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Anyway, it's the "fuck off" club

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Okay, seems Asmodeus asked around/looked in Crowley's diary and found out where Sam n Dean live, and what "within 20 miles of Lebanon, Kansas" generally means when some fuckery is afoot, and just phoned Sam up rather than go right there.

Importantly, Sam has been chatting to Asmodeus for the entire time minus a week in the Bad Place AU between 13x07 and 13x13 as he was carrying the bulk of the communications with "Cas"

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Also, yellow eyed demons are kinda scary, especially when you don't have a Colt and have an entire life time trauma caused by the bro of this guy

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Oh pfft Lucifer is in this episode.

Oh! Sister Jo! Hi!!!! <3

She's sitting on the sofa and making me feel sulky about sofas and their general existence around here.

Asmodeus was also sitting with his feet up and had a pattern on the sole of his shoes which looks superficially similar to Jo's.

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woaaaaah whaaaaaat Lucifer LIED about being able to make angels and give 'em back their wings??????????????

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So yeah Sister Jo just narrowed her eyes and she's either gonna rip his throat out now or plan bloody murder by the end of the season :P

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She's ripping out his throat. Wonderful. Tell it like it is *loads of clapping hands emojis*

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GET OFF HER YOU BRUTE

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"and now you don't have me" *storms off*

I love her

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I can't believe Charlie is using Charlie Bradbury in this AU as well. I mean, I totally can. I wonder if Buckleming even know she's called Celeste :P

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I'm still wondering if that angel with all the speaking lines who got away is AU!Cas

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"We've got to get you out of here"

"Who the hell are you?"

... Dean you have so many cool lines but you're not being written by Robbie Thomspon, so "no time" will do I suppose

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Sam n Cas wandering around the Bunker with the warding failing... uhoh

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Cas really does seem to be here because he's in this episode, so far, although the support is nice for Sam I am still feeling like they aren't cashing in on the Sam n Cas dynamic, so even if it's them fighting together, I'd love to see it. I like that they have a comfortable relationship but, and big butt, it's like if there's no ongoing plot between the two of them, Buckleming really can't or won't think of anything for them to say to each other that isn't 100% about the plot.

Honestly there should be a metric where in episodes with Sam n Cas they talk about something other than Dean or the plot, which even Buckleming do pass and others fail - like the crappy car exchange in 11x03. But, like. Should be a regular function of if they're in an episode together in the same scenes, they can at least, like... exchange pleasantries.

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I wonder if we can see the warding because Cas can see it or if Sam can too. I'm headcanoning Cas POV unless proven otherwise

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I am pretty sure I just saw Cas get knocked on his back and in the very next shot be back on his feet and fighting, which means we got both the cas on his back tickbox and also proof it only happens when he's in a bad mood where he stays down??

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Asmodeus wanders in like sorry they didn't design the warding for me.

come on, buddy. that's a "I walked out the demon trap because it's boring if I stay in here" line

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Interestingly the writing does seem to be genuinely interested in Gabriel being traumatised and showing clearly that Asmodeus is the abuser, so idk if that's a wider picture thing or what because Buckleming kinda suck at considering how people, you know... feel... about things... but it's actually making the entire dynamic entirely more interesting

in any case, I really  hope this scene ends with Gabriel saving them thanks to the grace and a lil TLC to help him remember himself but that that's not the end of his Asmodeus fear - which goes to show that even a weak shitty demon can be truly scary when he uses his power to abuse and we can't just say Gabriel is way more powerful than him, why is he scared of him, rather than devaluing it this way... who knows

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Anyway. COME ON GABRIEL *cheering wildly despite my initial disappointment in his return* I guess I'm all in now... he's here and I said they'd fuckin make me root for him because I still like Gabriel even if I don't like that he's here right now :P

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He looked terrifying while he still had the cuts on his lips and the glowing eyes.

Now he clean!

And he got fluffy wings!

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*random power ball throwing bullshit*

*Gabriel like nah*

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YAY Asmodeus is dead and it was an extremely satisfying and personally vindicating for Gabriel immolation!

*immediately and permanently stops caring about him as a character*

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Bleh, I was wondering about the bit at the start with Charlie deflecting at the maybe maybe not AU Cas angel on the bridge but now she's wondering if Dean n our Charlie were a couple and Dean's like oh no she was into chicks and Charlie's like cool I like her, but does that imply AU Charlie is straight? I mean, in 7x20 she couldn't flirt with the security guard even in a fake way to save her life, but I was hoping the earlier thing was just to show she was tougher in this world.

Bleeeeeh

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Charlie has met Mary, who should theoretically be as many years younger than her as Mary is to Dean, as Charlie is the same age as Dean. No wonder she's baffled.

-

Oh thank god someone stopped Buckleming using Sam n Cas to recap the entire plot of the season so far to Gabriel

-

I wonder what Gabriel even thinks about it when he drops off the map for 8 years and as soon as he's back, Sam and Cas are like, so. Uh. Michael vs Lucifer and some other shit?

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I mean obviously he's leaving, but in a wider meta sense, of, like, do these guys ever stop? The real Michael isn't even around so they get an AU one to bother them!

-

Cas using the "turn your back on your father's creation" line is weak, but deliberately so, I think. Cas cares very little about anything in terms of Chuck and what he wants and does. Using it on Gabriel is a thin hope that he still cares for the principles he seemed to care about, or that he had searched for God as well as he admitted in 5x08, so perhaps, just a little, it might still sway him to think of it in these terms.

Cas has no conviction on that front, because what has Chuck ever done for him as far as Cas feels, so he can't really use that line on Gabriel and mean it

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woah what a surprise, without the weird Ketchmodeus thing going on any more Ketch just wants to stay in the AU who ever would have guessed he likes it here better than cool original flavour earth

-

He really is banking on Charlie being as good as she's reported to be if he's planning on wandering into a camp with Mary in it like yo I'm here to help

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I do like tough!Charlie, though if she's straight!Charlie, I've just gotta hope that growing up in the AU, she never got a chance to learn to be comfortable with herself in that same way and oh noes maybe Mary can help................

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Dean doesn't want to lose Charlie again, but he has also to deal with the fact she has Charlie's face but she's not his Charlie, just another Good Egg with her face.

-

Holy crap he gave his iconic gun to Charlie

-

TFW catching each other up

...

why do I feel like Dean would be the one to get Gabriel to fight now Sam and Cas totally struck out? I guess there's another Gabriel episode coming up soon soon soon, which will presumably sort this out.

-

Ah whoops, you need more angel grace, huh?

...I shouldn't tease Sam, as this all sinks in he's looking increasingly upset and I think Cas needs to prop him up right now because last time this happened he nearly turned into a miserable puddle of defeat on the floor

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Okay don't yell Dean, we're all stressed and this was all out of everyone's hands... you all made the best decisions in the moment

-

I feel genuinely uncomfortable with that realisation, especially to think that no one dropped the Buckleming idiot ball and they're using genuine unfortunate circumstances to create the tension whaaaaaaaaat

-

Dean's reaaaaaaally not doing well either. Cas needs to prop him up too.

In his case, maybe a bubble bath.

Mostly cuz he's really grubby, though.

-

This is also the first time in a while that they haven't wandered through the Buckleming script looking kinda perturbed, but Jensen is acting his freaking socks off.

Where did this material all come from? I said this set up might play to their strengths and avoid their weaknesses but this is uncomfortably not-terrible.

-

Also LOVING this shot of Dean with Sam and Cas over his shoulders

-

Dean better not be thinking of hurting Gabriel just to go back though.

I mean, it's urgent, but... like...

what is Jack up to right now? He and Bobby and Mary are not just sitting on their thumbs.

-

Next episode is another unholy Rowena & Yockey team up, right? Or is that 20?

Oh gosh we're so near the end of the season.

I'm so tired.

night night.

[aceofstars16]

Valentine’s Day

Okay, I finished this before midnight by like a minute... so it’s still Valentine’s Day here! I wanted to write some fluff for Valentine’s Day, and while it’s mainly Sabezra, I did include some Kanera at the end because I love Kanera too!

This is really just lots of fluff and shippy feels and honestly it just makes me heart happy. And I’m also quite happy that I was able to write again! Even if I did stay up a lot later than I thought I would finishing it haha *flops*

Hope y’all like it, and happy Valentine’s Day!

Fic below the cut:

A few years ago, Ezra hadn’t paid much attention to Valentine’s day, aside from the opportunities it opened up for him to snatch some extra food. But then he had joined the Ghost crew. He had been the new face to the crew, but they had welcomed him into their celebrations, welcomed him into their family. It was the first time he had actually enjoyed the holiday, even if Sabine only rolled her eyes at his attempt at pickup lines. The next year, he had felt even more at home. Hera had splurged and bought them all some candy – a rare treat. And Sabine had even given him a hug, which had been one of the highlights of that day. But this year he wasn’t worried about what Sabine would think or say. He was just glad they were all still here. Together. Alive. After facing death more times than he could count, Ezra realized how lucky he was to still have all of his new family. And he was determined to let them know just how much they meant to him. Leading up to the day, he had made sure to spend time with all of them - talking about old missions with Zeb, training with Kanan, flying practice with Hera, and saber training with Sabine. He had even given Chopper an oil bath. But now that the day had come, Ezra pulled out the cards he had written along with the little gifts he had been collecting over the past few months. Most of the gifts were simple, some even homemade, but for Sabine he had splurged and had gotten her a few new bottles of paint – a high quality paint that may or may not have cost a bit more than some of the other gifts. But he knew she would appreciate them, and after all that she had dealt with recently, she could use a reason to smile.

After giving his gifts to everyone out – a few complete with hugs – he made his way to Sabine’s room and knocked on the door.

He expected her to simply call out to come in. Most of the time she was in her room, she was focused on something and didn’t bother getting up to open the door. But this time the door slid open and she stood in the door way, as if trying to hide what was inside.

“Hey Ezra, you need something?”

“Whatcha working on?” Ezra asked, trying to see what she was working on, but she got on her tip toes and blocked him.

“No peaking, it’s not done yet,” she said, pushing him back a little before stepping out of the room and closing the door.

Ezra was curious about her project, but he didn’t put up a fuss, she’d show it to him when it was ready.

“So, what’s up?” Sabine asked, brushing a strand of hair out of her face – not seeming to realize she smeared a little paint on her face as she did so.

“Oh, right!” Ezra said, almost forgetting about the package in his hand. Lifting it up, he handed it to her. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

Raising an eyebrow, Sabine excepted the gift and opened the box. A grin broke out on her face as she pulled out the paints, and as she examined them a little more her eyes widened. “No way! These are high quality, where did you get them?”

“I’m not giving out all of my secrets,” Ezra said teasingly. But he was unable to suppress his smile at her elation.

Sabine looked up at him and rolled her eyes, but her smile remained. “Well fine then…These are great though, thank you, Ezra,” she said. “Actually…they might be just what I need…wait here.” She didn’t even give him a change to reply before she slipped back into her room. A few seconds late she stepped back out and grabbed his arm. “Come on, you can help me finish up. Then I’ll show you your present.”

Ezra didn’t resist her pull and soon he was on the ground, helping her paint various gifts for the Ghost crew. By the end of it he had paint splattered on his arms and face, but he didn’t mind. Spending time with Sabine was a gift in and of itself.

“Alright, I’ll hand these out later, once they’ve dried,” Sabine said, a smile inching on her face as she looked at their work. “Now, close your eyes and hold out your hands.”

Ezra complied and closed his eyes before holding out his hands. Something heavy was placed in them, soon followed by Sabine’s order to open his eyes. When he did, he saw the gift in his hand. A jetpack, painted with the old logo he had once worn on his shirt, along with a few extra symbols, a firebird, a simple white butterfly-like logo, a space waffle, a circle design, and a few stripes of orange and white – symbols signifying his new family.

“What…how?” He asked, looking at the gift, dumbstruck.

“I found the jetpack a while ago. It was pretty beat up but I managed to fix it up. And I’ve tested it out so I know it works,” Sabine said, a smug smile on her face, but genuine happiness sparkled in her eyes.

“This is amazing! Thank you Sabine!” Ezra said, turning the jetpack over to survey it some more.

“That’s not the end of it though. It’s still light outside, so, I figured I could give you a lesson.”

Ezra’s head shot up. “Really?”

A laugh escaped Sabine’s mouth. “Totally, now come on!” She grabbed her own jetpack then raced out of the room. Ezra followed right behind her.

If Ezra was honest, learning the basics of working a jetpack wasn’t quite as exciting as he thought it would be, but maybe that was because Sabine refused to let him get more than a few feet off of the ground. She insisted he get the hang of steering before tackling altitude.

“Not bad,” Sabine said as he once again landed on the ground.

“Oh come on, I’ve got this down. Can we please do some actual flying now?” Ezra asked, tired of simply hovering over the ground. He could get higher than he had been allowed to go without a jetpack.

Sabine’s eyebrow rose in challenge. “You sure you’re ready for it? It’s a lot harder than it looks.”

“I’ve been ready for the past hour,” Ezra said, even though an hour ago he may or may not have lost control and flipped onto the ground.

Shaking her head in amusement, Sabine grabbed her jetpack and activated it. “You’re asking for it.” Then without another word, she shot into the sky.

Ezra grinned and shot up after her, but as he got further off of the ground, he found that even the smallest movement seemed to change his course. That, plus the wind made it harder than it should have to simply fly straight.

He was still having trouble staying balanced – or as balanced as one could feel flying in the air – when two hands grabbed his wrists. Ezra’s hands quickly grabbed onto Sabine’s wrists and he held on tight. She seemed so secure, so steady compared to him. It was only now that he realized how skilled she was to fly so well.

“You have to stop fighting the wind, let it move you. And if you start turning, just go with it. Eventually you’ll be able to combat them, but for now just roll with it,” Sabine said, loosening her grip on his wrists a little, but Ezra felt his grip only tighten. He didn’t want to be nervous to worried, but the thought of not really being in control scared him more than it probably should have.

“Or we can just go back down to the ground.” There was genuine worry in Sabine’s voice, but a bit of a challenge too.

“No, I can do this,” Ezra said, taking a deep breath before loosening his grip and let his hands fall to his side again. This time, as the wind blew him he let it push him. It was unsettling, but he didn’t feel as shaky as he did before. In fact, after a few more moments, he started to feel more comfortable in the air.

Then he suddenly dropped a little as his jetpack sputtered and a yelp escaped his mouth. His jetpack sputtered again, but he didn’t fall as suddenly this time due to the fact that Sabine had dove down grabbed his shoulders.

“What’s going on?” Ezra asked, trying to look back at his jetpack, trying not to think about plummeting to the ground. He knew Sabine wouldn’t let that happen, he didn’t need to worry about that.

“You might be running out of fuel, you have-”

Sabine’s voice was cut off as jetpack sputtered again and, purely out of instinct, Ezra lunged forward and wrapped his arms around her – stopping any further descent. However, this also resulted in him being awfully close to her, which didn’t help his heart slow down any from the initial rush of adrenaline. It wasn’t the first time he had been this close to her, but all of the past time had been necessity for a mission, it had been to survive. But now there was no one chasing them, there was no rush, no reason for them to be this close.

Ezra’s cheeks felt warm. In fact, his whole body felt warm. He wanted to ignore it, ignore this feeling in his chest. Sabine was his friend, his partner. That crush he had on her had diminished over time, he was sure of that. Or had it simply grown into something more? But what did that mean? Sabine had never liked him in that way, and he was okay with that. He had to be okay with that.

These thoughts ran around in his head, clouding his brain, and it was only after a few moments that he realized Sabine hadn’t pulled away. She hadn’t even spoken. And maybe his eyes were playing tricks on him, but it looked as if her cheeks had grown flushed as well.

Then their eyes met. The feelings that Ezra had been trying to ignore, pulled at his heart so strongly, stronger than he ever imagined. It took everything in his power to fight the pull in his chest. If he gave into it, things would never be the same between him and Sabine.

But then something happened he would have never expected. Sabine’s hands gripped his shirt and she pulled his head down. And she kissed him. And he kissed her back. And everything felt right.

The sun set over Atollon, covering the land in a warm orange. It was a beautiful sight. Hera wished Kanan could see it, but she was just glad he was here, glad everyone was here. Together. Zeb leaned up against a crate, eyes closed, listening to his music – music that Hera had once been irked by, but that had now become familiar, even comforting. Chopper was settled next to Zeb, complaining every few moments about organics being odd for sitting around doing nothing, but Hera expected nothing less from the droid. Kanan sat next to her, letting her rest her head on his shoulder as he leaned against a crate as well. His eyes were closed, but a content smile sat on his face. Then there was Ezra and Sabine. They were leaned up against a crate in a similar position to her and Kanan. Something had happened between them, that much was obvious, but Hera knew better than to ask. At least not yet, not tonight. Tonight was a moment to simply be, to rest in the joy of being with her family.

“Happy Valentine’s Day.” Kanan’s deep voice rumbled quietly, and as she looked up at him, she saw a content smile on his mouth.

A smile grew on her own mouth and didn’t leave even as she leaned up to give him a quick kiss. “Happy Valentine’s Day, love.”

[bassfanimation]

The Final Problem: Eurus’s crash therapy session

I've written one post talking about how my husband viewed the “I Love You” scene in The Final Problem.  I wanted to write some more, as we’ve discussed TFP in depth together.  We talk a lot about the media we consume because A) we're nerds, and B) our views are usually quite different.  

It's also nice to have a male perspective on things, as it sometimes can shed some light where my female brain just bumbles around in the dark and stubs it's toe on the Feels Dresser.  My husband views things very textually, but he is also fantastic at thinking about stuff on a meta level.  It’s nice because he has no ulterior motives either, no shipper goggles or anything.  I'm going to write a bit about his theories about TFP and what it all meant in his eyes.  I'll add my own views as well, for comparison.  This is going to be a long af post, so strap in!

(Disclaimer: this post may contain more shippy talk than you want, because I am a major Sherlolly/Molly Hooper lover, but you can also disregard my feelings and read for the hell of it.)

My hub said he views The Final Problem as the final case for Sherlock, which is essentially, solving himself.  I remember when Mary's video appeared, and she said she was giving him the toughest case of his life.  I seriously thought it was going to be for Sherlock to solve himself, which is the hardest thing for any person to do...to know yourself.  Instead we got something equally wonderful, but a bit easier to solve: how to mend Sherlock's friendship with John and save him from eternal despair.   Thankfully, Sherlock was a rousing success. He solved it.

"The next one won't be so easy." -Eurus Holmes, The Final Problem

The Final Problem, as my dude talked about it, is about the Holmes family, but mostly Eurus.  It was about Eurus trying to go 'home', only she couldn't.  She had to unlock the one person who could "save her soul", as the song puzzle went.  In order to do that...she had to literally break down Sherlock's walls.  Each major emotional wall he'd built was because of Eurus, so only she could break them down.  Only she was smart enough, and ruthless enough, to accomplish this.  

“You know the problem with disguises? No matter how hard you try, it’s always a self portrait.” -Irene Adler, A Scandal in Belgravia

It's very fitting that Eurus chose to reveal herself while she was disguised as a therapist, because TFP was in essence, a crash therapy session for Sherlock.  Each room in Sherrinford was a self discovery trap.  Now, someone was corresponding with me over the "I Love You" meaning and said it wasn't real because it was manipulation.  That is correct in that it was manipulation...but that is what all therapy really is.  It is someone very skilled manipulating you into understanding your own true feelings.  As a person going through intensive therapy currently, let me tell you, this is exactly what TFP was.  A very elaborate therapy session.  

Room One: Sherlock, John, Mycroft and the Governor.

My hub sees this test as about Sherlock facing the fact that sometimes his actions will hurt his friends and family. Eurus gave Sherlock the choice of giving the gun to Mycroft or John so they could kill the Governor.  He was choosing whether to hurt John or hurt Mycroft. Either of them would be hurt by being forced to kill an innocent man.  Mycroft absolutely could not do it. John thought he could, but he couldn't either.  In the end, their inaction killed two people, but Sherlock was directly responsible for that.  He hurt John AND Mycroft without meaning to.  The consequence was real...the Governor and his wife were killed.  Sometimes your actions will hurt others, sometimes your innaction is just as dangerous. It will happen, and it will hurt you too.  I actually 100% agree with this reading.  My eyes popped out in amazement.

Room Two: Sherlock, John, and Mycroft.

My hub feels this test was to confront Sherlock with his arrogance.  Three brothers, all hanging by ropes, one of them having killed their fourth brother, but which one?  Sherlock solved the crime, but Eurus dropped the two innocent brothers, leaving the guilty one still hanging. The guilty man was eventually dropped as well, but it held a mirror up to Sherlock.  How many times did he blithely solve a crime with no thought as to who might be hurt by that? It never mattered to him. Like Eurus said, "Innocent?  Guilty? Punishing either feels the same."  This is Eurus throwing Sherlock's arrogant disregard for real justice back in his face.  He solves crimes to be "right", no matter what the consequence, no matter who he hurts.  He's confronting his arrogance and his selfishness.

Room Three: Sherlock, John, and Mycroft.  (This one may take some paragraphs, so bear with me.)

The coffin with the words "I Love You" on the lid.  Me and my hub actually diverge a bit here, but I found his reading of it very interesting.  Also, a man's perspective on love is great to have, considering Sherlock IS a man, and this whole episode is about a man’s love.  

My hub was very passionate about discussing this one, which surprised me.  Something he talks about quite often with me is how he feels female fandoms think they understand the minds of guys.  "100 travel brochures do not equal a single trip."  To understand a man’s feelings about love, you really need a man’s perspective.  I can respect that, as I’d want the same kind of respect as a woman with my own feelings.

First and foremost, he thinks Sherlock's words were genuine.  He said Sherlock's reaction was not that of a man who did not mean what he said...in fact it's the opposite, he meant it and it scares the shit out of him, hence the reaction we got.  He said when you like someone, and they like you back but, for whatever reason, you refuse to pursue a relationship with that person.  Often it's feelings of inadequacy.  Sometimes you just don't really know how you feel about that person.  Often, strong friendships can feel like love and if you are friends with a member of the sex you are attracted to, it can be easy to wonder if those feelings are love or not.  The last thing you want to do is pursue those feelings and jeopardize that friendship.

If anything, the "I Love You" test showed JUST (he typed that in all caps in his chat to me) how amazingly important Molly is to Sherlock. He "humiliated" himself just as much as she did. By finally openly admitting that he might have feelings for her, he knows that he has essentially forever altered the nature of their friendship.  Maybe it could grow into something more, but he could have easily destroyed it too. We see in the epilogue that they obviously got past it, but had we not gotten that scene it could easily have been the last time Molly ever answered his calls.  That's why he has been so afraid to even broach the subject before now. The hub added to this that once you understand that Sherlock isn't a "high functioning sociopath" like he claims, then his actions all click and you realize he is a man who is seething with emotions and desperately trying to channel them in order to keep them contained.  

"Sherlock is not all about thinking and rationality. He gets emotional, he lashes out, he shoots the wall. And when he can’t figure something out, he stabs it." -Mrs. Hudson, The Lying Detective

My hub continues on by saying that for someone as obviously traumatized by the loss of a close friend then it makes that scene with Molly so much more meaningful than just a guy telling a woman that he loves her.  Imagine how traumatic it is to force someone like that to risk losing another close friend through their own actions.  Sherlock actually doesn't consider John a friend at this point, he considers him family. They are brothers in arms. There's a special kind of relationship that guys share when they've fought alongside each other. That's what Tolkien was trying to show in LOTR. It's different from a romantic relationship. In some ways it's more intimate and closer. I think Mary saw that.  It's why a lot of cops and soldiers end up divorced. Their wives see that bond that the guy has with his comrades and it puts a heavy strain.  The fact that Mary was able to get past that and even encourage it is a testimony to just what an amazing woman she was. John was INCREDIBLY (his typed caps, again for emphasis) lucky to have her. (yay Mary Watson love)

To dovetail back to how this relates to Molly, my hub believes Molly would also be the kind of woman to be just like Mary.  She would want him to be himself, to be with John, solving cases, being Sherlock and Dr. Watson.  But again, he thinks Sherlock was just so afraid of losing Molly that he never even entertained the idea of being able to have a relationship with her, for fear of losing what they have.  He is really surprised female fans don't understand this. He's heard so many women say that they couldn't imagine pursuing a relationship with a close friend because they didn't want to jeopardize that friendship. Even when you bring up that they are essentially already in a relationship with that person in everything but name.  I actually agreed here, 1000%, because I've been in this situation myself...it is so, so, so painful...and you are always filled with regret over words that weren't said.

The last thing my husband said about the coffin test was that, to him, the coffin symbolized the death of Sherlock and Molly's current relationship, as it’s been throughout the show. It couldn't go back to the way it was, not after what was said.  There is no more unspoken feelings hanging in the air.  Everything is out in the open.  There's only two outcomes now: either Sherlock did pursue a romantic relationship with Molly, or he simply couldn't bring himself to actually commit to her, but the words being said freed Molly of her unspoken, unrequited love, thus allowing her to actually move on.   He thinks they did pursue a relationship, btw.  He wasn't sure until our last viewing, but more on that later.

Lastly, I want to add that I view the coffin as an entirely different symbol. The coffin had the words "I Love You" on it.  Where do we equate love coming from? The heart.  When young Sherlock's best friend was killed, it effectively killed his heart.  It was broken, shattered, dark, put away into a box....dead.  The coffin represents the death of Sherlock's heart. It is the box containing all the love he used to feel inside it.  The coffin test was by far the hardest test...it's the one that had the most harrowing effect on him.  Opening your heart is the hardest thing for us, as human beings, to do.  But Sherlock Holmes did it, even if it confused and frightened him to do it.  Eurus forced it open, in front of John and Mycroft no less!   Sherlock gently touching the lid of the coffin, he is feeling his heart, the heart he has missed for so, so long.  He wants to break it out of that coffin...so he smashes it to bits, screaming while he does it.  He is breaking his love free of death, out of that coffin.

"So many complicated emotions. I lost count!"- Eurus Holmes

Love is also confusing as hell for Sherlock.  It's going to take a while for him to solve that particular one, for Molly.  He can't solve it completely while in that room, so of course...he does what Mrs. Hudson said he does...he stabbed it...or rather, he dismantled it soundly. That's how strong his feelings were.

Room 4: Sherlock, John, Mycroft.

My hub felt this test was simple.  It was to demonstrate to Sherlock that there will always come a time where he will have to choose between friends and family.  He didn't have much else to say, but I have some feelings on it myself.  I think Sherlock actually managed to turn the tables on Eurus during this one.  Remember, his heart is wide open now. He busted it out of that coffin. It is confused and scared, but it is raw and beating like thunder.  He cannot, will not choose between friends and family, because his friends ARE family. They are HIS.  Their love is HIS.  He cannot choose because there is no choice to make.  He would rather truly destroy himself than dare hurt the people he loves any more. We saw this with the Culverton Smith case as well, so this one is no surprise.  It was no surprise to Eurus either, which is why she was prepared.

Room 5: Sherlock.

Finally, the last bit of really amazing symbolism I want to talk about is when Sherlock was in the fake room, just outside Musgrave.  The walls inside there were littered with photographs of the Holmes family.  Sherlock, Mycroft, Eurus, Mummy, and Daddy.  Sherlock's family.  He is forced to look at those pictures...forced to look at who he used to be.  Who Mycroft used to be.  Who Eurus used to be.  The love that existed there, the love he felt, the happiness he so briefly knew.  He had made a prison inside himself...but suddenly he realizes it...all he has to do is push, one last time.  The walls of the fake room literally fall down around him.  His prison is no more.  He's solved himself...now he must solve Eurus in order to save his family.  He could only save John, and the little girl high above, if he solved The Final Problem: himself.

At last, we hear Sherlock say to Eurus when he's holding her in her burnt childhood bedroom that she got lost last time, but this time she can do it right.  He's here now, here for her.  He begs her to save his best friend this time...not let him die like last time.  Sherlock effectively brings his little sister down to the ground again, and he did it with love.  The entirety of The Final Problem represented unlocking Love.  Love for his best friend, his inseparable partner: John.  Love for his family, his big brother: Mycroft, who isn't as strong as he thinks, and Eurus, a little girl who was lost inside her own lonely, cold brilliance.  Love for the quietly strong woman who's love for him was unbreakable: Molly Hooper. Love unlocked Eurus' prison, just as it unlocked Sherlock's.  They brought each other 'home'.

And that is the long ass tale of me and my husband's discussing of this incredible, frustrating, tragic, beautiful, brilliant, messy episode of my favorite show of all time.  I'll admit to you here, I cried in front of my hub when he compared the coffin to the state of Sherlock and Molly's relationship.  He felt so bad, poor guy.  I had also spent the day so upset over Moffat and Gatiss's flippant responses about the "I Love You" scene.  Upon our final viewing at the theater though, walking out, my hub says, "I have a new theory.  I'm almost positive Sherlock and Molly did pursue a relationship.  When she walks into 221B, she's smiling really brightly, and she's heading in the direction where Sherlock was standing in the room." He is right.  Molly could have walked in and simply stood gaping at the miracle of 221B's resurrection, or she could have stood alongside Mrs. Hudson.  But nope.  She went in the direction of the man she's loved for so, so long.  She was going to Sherlock, who is now the good man everyone knew he could be.

Louise Brealey tweeted just before the final series aired that "Molly was back where she belonged." Molly belongs with Sherlock, just as much as John Watson, Rosie Watson, and Mrs. Hudson. She's a permanent part of this Sherlock Holmes's Baker Street. Forever.  <3