#there is something wrong with my brain! can’t focus on anything lately

[likelylarks]

✨ larks song of the week ✨

[dira333]

Not what it looks like - Tendou x Reader

this was just spur of the moment, I don't think I captured him in all his glory, but enjoy... Haikyuu taglist: @lees-chaotic-brain

“What do you think Tendou’s girlfriend is going to be like?”

Your whole body locks up at the sound, or rather, the question being asked. 

“Well, she’s French, right? So she’s probably really arrogant. Pretty too.”

“What? You think he got himself a model? No way.” Laughter rings out, shaking you out of your state.

You get up from your chair, unsure where to go next. To the restrooms or -?

“Ah,” a friendly face smiles down at you, “We’re here to meet our friends. Table for ten? Semi, did Tendou say who the table was saved under?”

Your eyes flicker to the person behind him. He’s just as tall, with long, fair hair. 

“No,” Semi says, looking at you. “The table might be reserved under Tendou Satori, or Ushijima Wakatoshi.”

“Or Shiratorizawa,” another voice calls out behind them, “Sorry Guys, my shift change ran late.”

You’re unable to talk, but you point at the table behind you. There’s a little sign on it clearly stating it as “reserved for Shiratorizawa”.

“Ah, nice.” The first guy slips out of his coat and hands it to you. “Could you hang that up? That would be nice.”

“She’s a hostess, Goshiki, not your personal servant,” Semi chides behind him but you shake your head, glad to have a reason to get out of the way.

“Oh, it’s okay? Well, in that case-” He and the third guy follow suit and you trudge over to the coat rack to hang them up.

While there, a few other guys address you, all of them asking for the Shiratorizawa table.

You can’t help but glare down at your black and white costume that had looked so nice and fashionable at home. Now it only made you look like the hostess of a semi-expensive restaurant.

Maybe you could still go home and change your outfit? Surely no one would miss you for the next half hour until they were all caught up?

“Baby?” Your body locks up again only to relax when you realize Satori’s alone.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” He pulls you into his arms, smoothing one hand over your back. “You look sad, everything okay?”

“I look like a waitress,” you whine low in your throat, unable to explain the extent of what just occurred.

“A very sexy waitress,” he points out, squeezing your hips.

“Not funny,” you say and you immediately feel how he leans over a bit to drop a kiss on the top of your head.

“Can I go home and change my outfit?” You ask after he’s swayed you left and right for a minute or so. “You can just say French people are always late or something like that.”

“That would be racist and wrong. Tell me what happened, chouchou.” 

You sniffle a little at the pet name but tell him nonetheless. He snickers into your hair when you’ve finished.

“They’re going to look so dumb when I introduce you to them.”

“They thought I was a waitress.”

“Yeah, because you’re so hot they didn’t think I could rizz you up.”

“Tori,” you chide, though already giggling softly, “If anything I don’t know how I got you.”

“Easy,” he hums, “just being yourself.”

-

It’s getting late. Over several courses - and multiple glasses of wine - your anxiety has lost its bite. But so has your focus. You’re leaning heavily into Satori, listening to a story Goshiki tells you, but you can barely follow along.

“And then I smacked the ball and it went WHAM across the court.” He says, finishing the story.

You clap your hands softly to show you listened, but you’re not really sure what this was all about.

He doesn’t seem to mind, however, grinning from one ear to the other.

“Tired?” Satori asks, lips pressed against your ear.

“Mhm,” you nod, blinking.

“You want a coffee before we leave?” He teasingly digs his teeth into your earlobe and you snort at the tickling sensation.

“No, I’m fine. I want to be able to sleep tonight.”

“Oh?” You can basically hear the waggling of his eyebrows so you lightly slap his thigh.

“What are you talking about?” Shirabu asks from across the table. “French makes it sound like you’re having intense bedroom talk.”

“Maybe we are,” Satori teases but you shake your head. You don’t want them to think wrong of you.

“You wanna go home right now?” Satori asks, loud enough that the others can hear him.

You immediately shake your head.

“No, no, we can stay a bit longer.”

Instead of dropping the topic Satori pulls you onto his lap, snuggling his face into your neck.

“You sure?” He asks again, quieter this time. “Because if I have to listen to Goshiki recap his latest game one more time-”

You can’t help but snort, but shake your head again. 

“Fine,” he huffs, “But you’re staying where you are.”

And you’re fine with that, cuddled against his warm chest, one arm holding you close, his fingers playing with the hem of your shirt.

-

At one point you must have fallen asleep because when wet, sloppy kisses wake you, you’re no longer sitting in the restaurant, but on the side of your bed.

“What happened?” You ask, groaning and giggling into the kisses.

“Well, you fell asleep and did that adorable little snore you do so I just had to take you home and tuck you in. You didn’t even wake up when Goshiki dropped his wallet on the floor.”

“Did you carry me into the car and all?” You ask, tired brain slow on the uptake.

“Of course. And up the stairs. Yamamoto-san says hi by the way.”

“That’s so embarrassing,” you groan, but you’re not able to hide your face in your hands, Satori still clinging to you like Velcro, nudging your cheek with his nose.

“Not embarassing. Cute. Really cute. Like everyone would want you for themselves cute.”

“You had too much wine,” you tell him, dragging your hands through his short hair. “I love you.”

“Love you more.”

“Love you most.”

“Dang it,” he chuckles, “Tricked me.”

My Kofi if you want to tip me

[johnbrand]

Enforcing Normality

“Stop right there!”

Luke quickly pulled out the gun tucked under his shirt, aiming it directly at the man before him. 

“Woah woah!” The man put his hands up in surrender, taking a step back.

“Don’t move,” Luke commanded, although it came off a bit shaky. This was his first time ever bolstering such a dangerous weapon.

“Alright, ok,” the other man assured his tone was calm and steady. “I promise I won’t move if you would just lower the gun.”

“There’s no…you can’t negotiate.” Luke was struggling a bit, something the other man picked up on. He began to deduce that the programming had not yet successfully overridden Luke’s mind.

“Look, you don’t have to do this,” the man started. “I’m innocent.”

Luke’s eye twitched, but his position remained firm. “...That’s not true.”

“It is, I haven’t done anything wrong.”

“I will shoot,” Luke tried to confirm.

“I bet you used to be just like me,” the man continued. “Before they got to you, you probably lived a happy life. A happy, homosexual life.”

“Shut up,” Luke spat. “I do live a happy life! A happy life with my wife and first kid on the way. A happy, normal life.”

The man took notice of the ring on Luke’s finger. Usually, by the breeding stage, the former inhabitant was long gone, displaced and discarded by the heterosexual algorithm that took over. But the fact that Luke had not shot on sight meant the former inhabitant was still fighting, even if Luke did not consciously realize it.

“You must have been strong, vigilant, vibrant,” the man persuaded. He cautiously took a step forward, trying to lure out whatever could still remain behind the straight male. “You can fight the enforced ‘normality’ they’ve drilled into you.”

Luke closed his eyes and violently shook his head. “Shut up shut up!” Taking it slowly, the man proceeded closer as his aggressor began to lose focus.

“There are people, a rebellion,” the man insisted. “People that can help you, save you, before it's too late.” 

Luke groaned, his head pounding as it battled against the strong values that had been transplanted into him. The man inched closer, now within distance to reach over and grab the weapon away.

“Let me help you,” the man pleaded. “Let me help you become gay again.”

A piercing explosion went off, followed by a soft thud. A single bullet had bore directly into the man’s skull, knocking him out and onto the ground. The conversion drug had absorbed into the brain on impact, not killing the man, but instead ceasing any conscious activity in order to get to work. Some effects were instantaneous, while others took a little more time. In the end however, once the conversion drug was introduced to the main system, there was nothing that could be done.

Still a little shaky, Luke’s eyes were glued to the man on the ground before him. He watched as the first changes began to take hold. The man's body twitched as his musculature expanded, pushing against the limits of his clothing. Body hair erupted soon after, followed by multiple cracks as his jaw squared out and frame became more angular. The Adam's apple began to grow more pronounced, along with the pouch between the legs, which would become the conversion drug’s production factory.

Luke took a couple of breaths before lodging his gun back into the waistband of his jeans. A small burst of adrenaline and pride overrode him as he watched the man straighten out before his very eyes. The man that he had straightened out. Feeling a childish glee emerging from within, Luke became jittery with the joy of enforcing heteronormativity. He reached for his phone and quickly dialed up the local guard, eager to report his first success before embellishing the tale to his wife at home.

[theblueflower05]

The Sweetest Sylaung

A/N: So I def didn’t mean to write a novel long Neteyam smut story but here we are. Debating on making this a mini series. Also the anon that requested a “curvy” reader insert- here ya go!(she’s also an Augustine- buttttt you can only see that if you squint lol)

Word Count: 6k+

Warnings: This is smut. Pure smut. Please don’t read if it is not your jam. You are in charge of cultivating your own online experience, you’ve been warned!

Pairing: Aged Up! Neteyam x Human!Curvy!Reader

Summary: After an “accidental” romp in the forest, you do your best to avoid Neteyam. It’s for everyone’s good, or so you’ve convinced yourself.

“I’m begging for you to take my hand, wreck my plans. That’s my man”- Willow, Taylor Swift

The kaleidoscope of colors explode under your eyes in endless patterns and shapes as you look over the sample of Pandora flora under the heavy duty microscope. This particular piece of the Moons terra had never been discovered before, only blooming at what you estimated to be every ten or so years, under the right monsoon like conditions

At least that’s what you had discovered so far.

The flower, which sprouted into a berry, and then dissipated into a moss like cluster of microorganisms all within its short life cycle had turned into your passion project. You we’re doing your thesis on it, the last step in getting your Masters.

You’d gone through schooling on a computer screen, guided by the greatest minds on Earth that had relocated to Pandora. Scientists of all fields who you’d grown up around. None of them had been surprised when you’d picked up botany. Xenobotany to be exact.

It was in your blood.

The desk your at shakes violently- disturbing your precision like focus. Breaking you straight out of your zone.

“Ugh” you groan, frustrated, raising your head, eyes narrowing at the culprits.

Spider, Lo’ak and Kiri freeze like deers in the headlights of your fury. Spiders arm raised, a wad of paper balled up in his hand, aimed to shoot. He lowers it slowly as the weight of your your heavy gaze zero’s in.

“Sorry, cu-”

“I told you guys, if you cant behave to get the fuck out” You seethe. Your nerves are paper thin anyway. Too much screen time frying your brain something fierce as you focused in on your studies. “Is that not what I said, verbatim?”

“You need to chill. You’ve been so high strung lately. Come hang out with us” Lo’ak suggests smooth and unhelpful. As usual. “When was the last time you left the lab?”

You roll your eyes and bite your tongue, trying not to say anything to scalding to the surprisingly sensitive Sully brother. “No thanks. I’ve gotta focus”

“Maybe Lo’aks right” Kiri starts, her face screwing up as she speaks “Eywa that sounds wrong. Nevermind, My brother is never right- but you should come hang out with us. Let’s go swimming- the watering hole is over flowing from the storms”

The deep sigh through your nose isn't calming, even though you pretend it is. You know they mean well, in the most annoying way. That you’d been buried in books and paperwork in the lab for the past couple months.

Hiding from the outside world within the thick walls of Hell’s Gate.

“Can’t. This is important, Kir- but why don’t you guys head down there? Its closer to Home Tree and its almost curfew anyway” two birds, one stone. Its a smart suggestion- but Kiri’s face falls, shoulders sagging and ears lowing. That look had always gotten you-

“I cant today, but maybe tomorrow? The samples are too fresh and I don't want to put them on ice…But I think Max made those Yovo cookie things” That’s only half of the truth, but luckily Kiri’s always been understanding.

She grabs your elbow in her long fingers and tugs you along.

The mess hall had seen better days, but the large open space still tends to be the meeting ground for the humans that were allowed to stay and inhabit the moon. With twelve foot tall ceilings and airtight exits and windows that lead out to the Avatar Program training yards. Its a common room of sorts, a place where everyone gathers. For meals, for mismatched Holidays. But mostly for gossip.

I mean, what else is there to do?

Like currently, you’re deeply engrossed in the story that Doctor Martinez’s, Xeno-Zoologist is recounting. All dramatics and dirty intimate details “It’s true, they’re gonna bring it before Mo’at and everything”

He’s talking about Trevino and Eital’i.

Everyone had heard the whispers, seen the not so subtle signs. The main Radio Tower operator had turned during the resistance, had fought beside Jake and had been allowed to stay on Pandora- better stuck on a foreign planet then thrown in a familiar jail cell. Trevino’s a cool guy, really.

A cool guy who had been sleeping with a Na’vi woman, apparently. The two had kept it under wraps, really private. No one could pin down how or when it happened,,,but to go to the clan’s Tsahik seeking a mating blessing? That’s major.

“You’re lying” you accuse in a gasp as the table breaks into whispers, all wide eyes and shaking heads. “They’re going to mate?...How?”

“It’s not like it hasn't happened before” Another scientist chimes in casually. Like it’s a known thing.

Which it kind of is.

Taboo, yes. But not unheard of, more like untalked about.

Humans and the Na’vi of the forest had lived in close quarters since the overthrow of the RDA. Jake, the standing Olo’eyktan, just had a little too much homosapien in him. Yeah, he’d survived the soul transfer and fully inhabited his blue body- but he never quite grew out of his human roots.

It had been hard, lots of politicking and good grace shown on both parts, but somehow, like all biomes in the vast perma green forest, all had learned to live in harmony. Most Omitikaya kept their distance. Very hesitant about the human presence. They had every right to be scared, hostile. Scarred by man and its weapons and its destruction.

Others had been raised in close proximity to Grace’s school. Had become accustomed to the nearly two decade long human presence on Pandora. Curious and accepting.

You’d heard about interspecies hookups.

Locker room talks that left your ears burning and your heart racing. It usually came from members of the Avatar Program- It tends to set a precedent, when the quote on quote “royal family” of the Omiticaya is a Jarhead and a native woman.

Na’vi are gorgeous, tall and lean but humanoid enough to be familiar…you’re not exactly sure what they see in humans but you know damn well what you guys see in them.

“How do you think that works? The…physicality of it all I mean. Trevino doesn't have an Avatar. How do they fuck-”

You’re not the only one zoning out from the conversation and it’s lewd turn.

You watch Kiri watch Spider and your heart aches for her. What they have is secret, delicate and forbidden. As a woman with high standing in the clan, you knew that her feelings for the boy wouldn't go anywhere. Couldn't.

When they we’re kids, it was cute. Now that they 're both technically adults, it was just plain stupid.

You tell her of the fact, often.

Kiri tells you to stop projecting.

———

The Sully Kid’s are always late. It’s like no matter how hard they try, they cant make curfew. You throw on an Exopack, hurrying them to the fence.

“Yeah, yeah okay mom. Take it easy” Lo’ak shrugs huffily as you yank hard on his arm. “I’m going, Y/N!”

“Not fast enough you strumbeast’s ass! You’re gonna get me into trouble, who do you think your dad’s gonna blame when you guys end up back at Home Tree super late again? Norm chewed me out for that shit last time!” You man handle the much taller than you alien.

Kiri and Spider a few leagues in front of you, already at the mouth of the giant fence. They’re awkward, not in their usual synched steps. You wonder how much of that conversation earlier had gone to their heads?

You’re bickering with Lo’ak, an extremely normal occurrence. He can be a real douche. and had been kind of insufferable lately. You think its nerves about his impending Iknamaya.

So engrossed with getting them on their way home that you don't even notice him until it’s too late.

Neteyam is a skilled hunter, through and through. The youngest in the clan to ever make a kill. Swift and quiet. Beloved.

But around you he feels out of his element. Clunky and awkward, no matter how hard he tries to play it off its like you can see right through him. Its scary and thrilling, sets his stomach alive with butterflies everytime. This is no different.

Showing up to Hell’s Gate to retrieve his siblings was something he had done since he was a child.

He’d used to bleed hours away playing with them at the scientists fortress, but as he had gotten older and his responsibilities had grown heavier- he had little time for it. Still, when ever his parents would send him out on a one man search party to bring them home, he’d jump at the chance.

At the hope of seeing you.

You’re arguing with his little brother, trying not to laugh at something he said and Neteyam knows. He knows he shouldn't feel jealous but he just cant help it. Cant help the acidic twist of his insides.

Especially when he chirps out his family's familiar call, letting his presence be known.

And watches that pretty smile fall right off of your face.

“You’re late, as usual” His voice has a stern edge. It’s annoying, the role he has to play. Kiri is a woman grown, Lo’ak just weeks away from being the same. He doesnt blame them for the way their feathers bristle, almost viscerally.

“Ah, big brother you didn't have to come all this way to get us” Kiri reassures, patting Neteyam on the chest good naturedly. “We we’re just about to be on our way”

Neteyam notices the way you try to look anywhere else but him. It stings because he cant stop looking at you, cant pry his eyes away from your form.

“You all should start heading back before dad notices” Neteyam starts. His father had been busy as of late, harvest season abundant and fruitful this year because of the heavy rain season “I’ll catch up, I need to speak with Norm”

“What? Dad cant use the coms now, he has to send his messenger” Lo’ak’s nose scrunches a little, always questioning. On a normal day it wouldn't affect Neteyam so much, just a normal jab from his snot nosed little brother.

Not today. Not when he’s stretched so thin. Not when you refuse to look at him but are staring at the side of Lo’ak fat head. It feels wrong, makes his skin heat up to the point that it feels itchy and tight.

“That's none of your concern. Head back to Home Tree. Now” He doesn't normally throw his weight around. But he feels the need to puff up big in front of you “Those are orders. Get out of here”

Lo’ak’s less offended and more surprised. One of his oh so human eyebrows cocks, a sly remark in his throat before he scoffs. “Aye, Aye Captain Kiss Ass. C’mon Kiri let's go. See you later Spider, Y/N”

He deuces up Spider, gives Y/N a pat on her small shoulder and glares harshly at his brother before he disappears into the thick brush of the jungle.

Kiri wraps her arms around you in a strong hug, muttering about ‘swimming’ and ‘promises’. The small impish smile she shoots Spider gives YOU butterflies so you don't blame the way he swoons, before she’s off behind her younger brother.

“I can go find Norm for you, bro. I think he’s still out in his Avv, but Max can radio him back in” Spider is none the wiser. Doesn't notice the heavy tension that simmers on a low bubble. Oblivious, as usual.

“Yeah, sure” Neteyam replies, barely sparing the human boy a glance. He’d feel bad for it later, when he could form coherent thought. When his brain wasn't on Y/N issued override.

Spider chatters, good natured. He never got to see the Olo’eyktan in training anymore. He missed his homie.

“Well, I should be heading back. You guys have a good rest of your night-” You’re already turning on your heels when you make the announcement, eager to get back inside. Back behind the safe walls of the lab- far away from Neteyam.

“No”

Neteyam who stares at you with all too knowing eyes. He looks straight through you like he can see through your clothes, through your thinly veiled escapism attempts. He reaches out, wraps his long fingers around the top of your arm and tugs you back to him. Gentle, but very firm.

He doesn't have to say it- it’s written all over his face. Not this time. He’s not going to let you run away from him.

“Netey-” You start in a whine, tugging on his hold. He doesnt relent, if anything his fingers tighten as his eyes narrow. Dangerous, desperate.

“Just talk to me” it’s a barely concealed plea, his tail twitches anxiously behind him “I'm just asking for five minutes. Please Y/N”

Spiders oblivious, yes. Stupid? No. He doesnt know exactly what's going on between the two of you but has clued into the fact that it’s heavy and he wants no part of it.

The excuse he makes is shit- he’ll just go find Norm. Yeah… he’s so out of there.

“What is wrong with you?” You hiss as you watch Spiders awkward, quick retreating form. Eyes flickering over the empty for now training yards “So much for keeping it lowkey, huh? Could you be anymore obvious?”

“What’s wrong with me?” Neteyam is almost shaking with disbelief “What the fuck is wrong with you? You havent talked to me in over a month. Everytime I make any kind of attempt you bolt. I dont-” He sighs, pinching the wide bridge of his nose with the hand that isnt holding onto you.

He looks tortured. Tired. Run a little ragged.

Beautiful.

“I don't know what I did? If this is about that day in the forest-”

You sigh at his words, once again pulling on his hold. Shaking your head desperately because you can't.

You can't talk about it. Fuck, you’ve been trying not to even think about it.

And failing as you replay the event over and over again the darkness of your bunk. Hyper fixating on the way that his lips had felt against yours. Oh the way that his big hands had worked your body over

“Don’t” you whisper “Please don’t”

You’d never been one to beg for pity, for mercy but that’s what you do now. Beg him to let you out of his tight clutches. Metaphorically and physically.

“You’re all I can think about” It's a gutted admittance, but Neteyam makes it all the same “That night- I can’t sleep. I can barely eat- I’m falling behind on my duties because I keep coming back here. Standing outside this fence and waiting for you. I know you could hear me over the coms, right?”

And you could, a few weeks or so ago.

When he’d begged you to come out. To come speak to him. His voice so appealing that you’d almost caved. You’d had to turn off your receiver. Had sat with your head in your hands for hours as you fought the urge to crawl to him, knees raw and your bloody heart on a platter only he could divulge in.

He shuffles closer, all lean strong muscle. Firm, unmovable. “You heard me”

“Of course I did”

“And you still left me out here” He scoffs, head shaking slightly as his adams apple bobs, his ears are pinned to the sides of his head in obvious distress “I could never do that shit to you.”

“One of us needs to be the adult in this situation” Your voice is as strong as you can make it. Trying to speak reason on to both of you “We can pretend it never happened and go back to the way that things were before. You’re my friend, Tey”

You reach up, stroking at his wrist. Trying to soften him enough for him to let this go. Let you go.

He’s trying to control his breathing, all that training for all of those years for what? One fragile human girl to make him completely unspool? To lose any and all composure he’d worked so hard to gain.

He was always the adult, in all situations. Had been born with a neck cramping crown on his head. Shrouded in pressurized glory.

“If this is me being childish, so be it. Where has pretending gotten you, huh? Look at you, yawntutsyìp. you look so tired. When was the last time you slept? Kiri says you spend days in the lab without resting”

His hands, both of them, come up to cup your face. Huge and calloused. Yet he holds you like you're something precious. A small animal, a rare gem. His whole entire world since he was just a boy.

Neteyam thumbs at the cool glass of your mask, tenderly. The bags under your eyes are sunken and bruised. “Don’t shut me out”

Your body, in its entirety, clenches at his words. Velvet and sincere. He’s a fucking dream. Your head leans into his hands, neck sagging of its own accord as any and all words of protest leave your weak mind.

He makes you so easy.

“Let me in…I dont want there to be this distance between us anymore” He hisses around the word distance. Hating even having to say it “I want to be inside of you again”

Your plump lower lip gets skewered between your teeth, eyes screwed shut as you remember the last time. Your first ever time being full…you’d dreamt of it every night since it had happened.

If it wasn't for the blasted mask and your need for Earth’s oxygen he’d kiss you. Right here right now. He didn't really give a shit who saw or what they had to say.

Instead pulls you into his chest, lets you wind your arms around his lean middle and bury your chest in his diaphragm. Its as close as he can get you, for now. Makes you cling to him the way that he’d clung to every thought of you for the last weeks.

You wish it was lungfuls of his skin that you were taking as you try to bring yourself down from this abrupt shaky high. You dont get it, how your relationship couldve flipped this hard in such a short time.

He had always just been Neteyam. A shameless flirt yes- but that’s all it was.

“Would you like that?” He questions, hands working through your hair. Fingers light and soothing on your scalp. Massaging the thoughts right out of your head.

“Hmm?”

“If I was inside you again?” He presses on. You can feel the tickle of his long, thin, tail as it wraps around the back of your calf and you groan, digging your nails into his back.

“You’re such an asshole. Stoppppp it” You’re embarrassed and turned on and already feel stupid enough, he doesn't need to rub it in. His chest shakes as he chuckles.

“I’m serious. Tell me you want it-”

“Neteyam! Hey!”

The two of you break apart in an instant. You jump away from him as though struck by lightning. Instantly putting enough distance between you and the Na’vi that maybe, just maybe an onlooker might think that the embrace was friendly.

It’s Norm, having heard that the eldest Sully was looking for him he’d come eagerly.

The smile you plaster on is forced and honestly, Neteyam doesnt fair any better. He’s obviously flustered, just glad that his erection isn't tenting his tweng.

“Spider told me you and your dad are looking for me. I’m not intruding on uh anything, am I?” Norm looks between the two of you.

Your arms are folded tightly over your chest and Neteyam is rubbing at the back of his neck, strong jaw flexing as his teeth grind.

Oh yeah, Norm had definitely interrupted something.

Knows for sure as you scurry away. As Neteyam, always so level headed, has to string together words. Stumbling a little bit as he tries to remember the message that Jake had relayed.

It’s not any of his business, he thinks at the time. He sure didnt want to be the one to shine the light on whatever the hell was going on here. Turning a blind eye to the mysteries of Pandora is the only way to survive the harshest terrain known to man.

———

You dont know that though-

No, you’re spiraling more a little bit as you prepare yourself for bed. Brushing through your thick hair and staring out into space as your mind assaults you with all of the gnarly ‘What If’s’

Norm had seen and he had to know right? Oh god, what if he told Jake?

You balk. Lowering the brush as your eyes bulge out of your head.

What if he told Neytiri?

That's actually a super horrific thought. Like nightmarish. You have a lot of respect for the future Tsahik...

…And a very healthy does of fear. She didnt like humans and made it known. She tolerated them only for her husband's benefit. What if she found out that her eldest son, her golden boy, had fucked one?

You’re freak out is interrupted by static, by the beeping of your com receiver on your night stand.

“Y/N?” its Neteyams muffled voice through the device. You’d ignored it once. You should ignore it again…

“Yeah?” you wonder if he picks up on how shaky you sound through the receiver.

“Tomorrow night meet me at the East Gate. Like when we we’re kids” he’s not really asking. Not demanding either. You could ignore him again, but he has to try.

The line goes silent, quiet for minutes on end.

“Y/N?”

You’re so stupid. “What time?”

You can hear the grin he’s sporting as he replies “0100”

“Got it, over. Good night, Neteyam. Go to sleep”

———

The East Bay is on the other side of the large fortress-like building. It's not that it's forbidden, or anything. but it is deserted. It’s where the military personnel had inhabited, and since most if not all of them had gotten the hard boot off Pandora it was empty as a ghost town in these maze like halls.

When you we’re younger; you’d caught Spider sneaking Kiri and Lo’ak in through the rarely used entrance. You’d demanded the know how, if he didnt want you to rat on him for it. It was a rare occurrence, but the Sully children had all been snuck into Hell’s Gate this way over the years.

You type in the codes, disabling the alarm system in order to usher Neteyam into the pressurized, air lock. You’d toted one of the Avatar Exopacks along for him, they’re heavier then hell but he’d need it.

“Hi” you smile, suddenly shy as the tall Na’vi man stands before you.

That's what he was now. A man, not only in the eyes of his people but as a whole. Broad and muscular, strong. Verile. The next leader of his people. You know that he’s highly desired in his clan. Women fawn over him. Vie for his attention.

It doesnt feel real that he wants to give it to you.

You’re nothing special. Not tall and stunning like the Omaticaya women. Even by Earth’s standards you're short, curvy. Not particularly pretty. Insecurity gnaws at you, as it so often does.

“C’mere” Neteyam urges, boldly yanking you by your waist. Pulling you flush against his body. Grabby and insistent, he wants to feel your bare skin. All plush and soft, hes been dying to taste it since the last time.

Kicking himself over and over for not savoring every bit of your body that you gave to him. He won't make the same mistake again.

He’s not gonna lie, the concrete and metal of the walls inside of Hell’s Gate have always made him a little claustrophobic. But he can't do this outside-

His lips capture yours, demanding and needy from the jump. Big, over powering, he swallows your little chirp of surprise. Devours any and all breath from your lungs. Its messy and so good. You hadn't gotten to kiss him last time.

His mouth tastes amazing, his tongue rough in texture just like you remembered. It grates your lips as you suck on it-

“Hey, slow down a little bit” You giggle as Neteyam paws at your ass, lifting you off the ground until you squirm hard, making him release you “Not here, we can't do this here there’s cameras everywhere”

“I don't care” Neteyam pecks all over your face, trying to recapture your mouth as you avoid him “Let them watch, most of those pervs would like it”

And they would know that you’re his. The thought is beyond heady.

You gasp as his sharp canines ghost over the delicate skin of your neck, nibbling on your pulse point “Please- Neteyam”

You firmly push him away, hand on his chest and maybe if you hadn't cut him off cold turkey he would've given you space. Could've pulled away for a moment to let you say your piece. Instead the idea of letting you pull away even an inch is unbearable to him.

No. instead he tosses you over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. He hauls loads heavier then you every day, your protests mean little to him. With his free hand he scoops up the Avv Exo Tank,

“Where to, yawntutsyìp?”

Where too is an old conference room. Its as good as any, and Neteyam yanks a couple cushions off the old couch to act as a brace for your head as he lowers you to the floor, flat on your back.

You’re so pretty like this, he tells you of the fact.

With your hair a mess behind you, your face free of that damned mask. Grinning up at him as you rub your thighs together. He wishes he had that camera that his dad liked to take pictures on. He wants this moment of you framed, immortalized.

“I hate sky people clothes” He mutters as he tugs on the hem of your t-shirt. It hides you, hides all that skin he craves.

“You want me to take it off?” You offer eagerly, raising up enough to start peeling the piece of clothing off. You’re bare underneath, completely. Your breasts jiggle as they’re freed, nipples peaked in the cool air-conditioned air.

“Don’t ever put it on again” He demands, taking it from your hands and tossing it across the room. He’s dead serious, but by the way you're giggling you obviously think its a joke.

He can’t help it, he dives in face first. Rubbing against your soft breasts, obsessed with the way they feel. Heavy, pillowy. He drags his tongue across all of your bare skin. From your clavicle to your nipple. You always smell so pretty, but its got nothing on the way you taste. It explodes bright and savory on his tastebuds.

You let him explore, until your spit soaked and shaking. Your panties sticky as your hips search for any kind of friction. “I need you”

“You have me, my love. All of me” your eyes water at his words. At the sincerity. At how much you want them to be true.

You grab one of his hands and drag it down your chest. Past your soft, rounded belly and into your shorts. He grunts as you guide him to where you’re wet and pulsing. Rythmetically clenching around nothing.

He circles your clit, feather light. More of a tease then anything and you want to sob. You’d thought of nothing but this, touched yourself imagining him. “Tey-”

He smiles around a mouthful of nipple,tugging on with his teeth. “I missed you so much”

“Then be nice to me” you plead, trying to shove yourself down on his fingers.

“We’re being nice now? Were you nice to me when you ignored me?” he can't help it, hurt bleeds into his voice. It had been so fucking painful, knowing that you hadnt wanted to see him. To be with him.

“I’m sorry” you whine, grabbing his face, pulling it from your bosom. “I’m so sorry. I was so scared- I’m still scared but I need you”

He lets you cup his cheeks, lets you plant kisses all over him. The bridge of his nose, his eyelids, his cheekbones. You dote on him, gentle and caring and he gorges himself on your love.

“You cant ever do that again, okay?” He shivers as you kiss his ear, running your tongue along the hyper sensitive flesh “If you’re scared you come to me, not run from me. Do you understand?”

You nod, eager. “I promise, Neteyam”

It’s all he needs to hear, that you’re his. That you won't deprive him of your presence ever again. He doesn't know what he’ll do. He’s a little scared of the man he becomes when it comes to you, you’re not the only one frightened by the gravity of your feelings.

“You asked if I wanted you inside me again? Yes. So much. I never knew I could be that full” it’s like you know just what to say. You light him up from the inside. His fingers begin circling your sopping clit again, this time with intent.

It’s blurry, the fact that your lightheaded making it hard to think. To track what he’s doing to you because somehow Neteyam seems to be everywhere at once. His big body all encompassing as he takes you.

“No-no marks, baby” You try to remind him and his blazing eyes zero in on you in a glare “you know we cant…not where they can see”

You’re right, and he hates it. He’ll just have to mark you where only you can see. Where you can look at your self and be reminded that you belong to someone. That you belong to him.

He doesn't have the patience, cant stop his hands from shaking- the tear of your shorts and panties echos around the room as he removes any barriers between him and the heat at the apex of your thighs.

You cant help the thrill it sends down your spine. He’d…ripped your panties off. You thought shit like this only existed in bad Earth made Porn that you’d found on one of the labs computers.

“Sorry, sorry” his apology is far from sincere though and you can't help but giggle, patting his braids fondly.

The fingerfucking is rough, your wines and moans spilling from you as he hits spots inside of you that make you want to curl up. It’s too good. Too much-

You screech, back bowing as he bends to kiss you, loud and sloppy, right on your wet clit. His big head burrows between your thigs as he delves on your cunt, his long rough textured tongue lapping at the fat puffy lips. The texture difference has both of you groaning.

It’s heartbreakingly good, the kind of good that you’ll never be able to forget. That you’ll crave and need for the rest of your life. Addictive, as he dedicates himself to making you feel pleasure.

Neteyam eats pussy the same way he does everything else in his life, exceeding any expectations. His instincts sharp as he hones in on how to make you lose your mind.

He keeps telling you how good you taste, breaking away for heaving breaths before he reburries himself. The only sounds in the room are the beyond wet sloshing of his tongue lashing and the pathetic noises your making.

He’s eating you alive, you don’t know how you’re supposed to survive this.

His fingers, two and then three fuck in and out of you. Corkscrewing as he loosens your tightness up for him.

“O-ooh” you whine high and reedy as you feel your tummy tightening, the pressure building in a way that makes you feel like you cant breathe. You cant your hips, shoving them down at that perfect angle “Oh, sh-shhhhit. I’m gonna, I’m-”

He doubles down and you’re a goner.

The orgasm is devastating. Sofuckinggood you think you might see stars for a minute there. You can't even scream, you keep letting out these little cries that are more like wheezes. A desprate attempt to get some kind of air back in your lungs-

Which reminds you.

Even though you’re in a daze you wiggle away from him, he hisses at you about it but you swat the top of his head as you reach for the Exo Pack.

You shove the mask in his face, between your legs.

”Breathe, Neteyam” you demand him to gulp down the Pandoran air. Yeah, he could go longer in your environment than you in his but still. Death by giving head isn’t the way you’d like him to go out.

He takes long breaths and you try not to be embarrassed by how soaked his chin is.

When he pulls away his eyes are a little more focused “Thank you, sweet girl. Always thinking about me, huh?”

You nod, dropping the mask. Closer this time for easier access. His eyes quickly zero back in on your swollen pussy, on how wet he got you. On how pretty it looks. His mouth is watering all over again-

When you try to close your thighs, the burning of your cheeks getting to be too much he hisses again. It’s not a sound he often makes and it’s a revelation, he’s so sexy. Almost feral.

“Who said I’m done?”

You’re never going to be able to get over this man “I already came?...”

“Yes? So?” he rolls his eyes, lowering his head, nuzzling at the damp juncture of your inner thigh “You’re still so tight, here feel”

His fingers slip back in you and you mewl, baring down as he scissors the long digits.

“We have to get you loose enough to take me, I don’t want to hurt you” He explains it like you need convincing. Like he has to convince you to let him eat you out. You just re-spread your thighs, relaxing back onto the cool floor as you let him do as he pleases.

It takes two more orgasms that you scream and shake through until he deems that you’re ready. By the time that he begins to slide his cock into you you’re a blubbering, oversensitive mess. You’re crying rivers of tears as you cling to him.

“Hold my hand? Please ” You request and he smiles, kissing your tear streaked cheek as he interlaces his longer fingers with yours.

Humans and Na’vi can fuck, but we’rnt designed to. His dick is overwhelimgly big and will really injure you if the two of you aren't careful about this.

You both gasp sharply as his tip breaches you.

It hurts, it’s agonizing. It’s the kind of pleasure pain that you didnt even know could exist. Everytime you think you can adjust, he pushes in another inch. But oh, how you missed it. Being so full it feels like you’re going to burst. You’re pussy flutters as it fights to take him and you focus in on his face.

It’s all scrunched up in heavy concentration. His lips speared between his sharp teeth in a way that has them almost bleeding.

You can't have that. You tug him into a kiss, soothing the abused flesh with your tongue.

“I-I dont want to hurt you” He whimpers as his forehead rests against yours.

“It’s okay, you’re okay” You hum to him, grasping at his hand even tighter “I love what you do to me. I love how you feel”

When he bottoms out you think he must be in your ribs. Hes still, letting your body get used to him. Trying to be kind. You want to tell him that there’s no getting used to his size. That he could fuck you every day for the rest of your lives and he would still feel just as massive.

“Please” you wail instead “please”

The first gentle snap of his pelvis has you both reeling. Your thighs lock around his thin hips, urging him. You can take it. It only takes a little urging for him to lose himself. The harsh stretch of it has you shaking as your over sensitive pussy tightens. You’re coming again, less intense the the previous orgasms, thankfully.

Neteyam had been so focused on making you feel good that he’d neglected his hard, weeping cock. His balls are so full that he knows he’s not going to be able to draw this out.

You know you have to look stupid, mouth hanging open as you raggedly gasp for breath, letting out punched out sounds as Neteyam pounds into you. You cant look away from his face though.

It’s mesmerizing, all of it. The sounds he lets out. The way that his braids sway with the rhythm of his pleasure seeking body. His broad shoulders, bulging biceps and forearms- you are so fucked.

You’re so in love.

“Please Y/N” He wheezes as you squeeze around him, letting go of your hand so he can wrap both of his arms around your lower back “I can’t hold it. W-where should I?”

Oh. Oh, he’s the sweetest man. He always has been.

You peck his lips, not minding that he’s too lost in his own pleasure to really kiss you back

“Come inside me. Come inside me. Come inside me” it’s a heated chant, broken and breathy by the erratic rhythm of his hips and he buries his head in your neck, wailing in the skin there.

Just for a moment, lost in the haze of sex, you can tell he forgets his own strength. Thrusts into you so hard that you scream out in pain, the mushroom tip of his long cock batters your cervix relentlessly. Its a sharp, startling sensation that you’ve never known but you ride it out for him. Desperately trying to keep your whimpers of discomfort at bay.

When he comes, his whole body goes still and ram rod straight. He hugs you tightly to him. You wish you could see his face. Next time, hopefully.

He’s Neteyam, the mighty warrior. The dutiful son. The next clan leader but as he shakes and twitches and basks in the afterglow you can't help but want to baby him. But stroke his back softly, rubbing the residual tension out of his tired muscles.

He’s your big ol’ pussy cat, you’d always teased. He purrs like one every time you’re affectionate with him.

You can’t help but run your hands along his sensitive spine. Let the length of his tail run through the loop of your fingers. He grins and flicks it from side to side. He’d always thought your fascination with it was amusing.

“Are you okay?” he mutters, still hidden in your hair as he starts to come back to himself and you hum, moving up to pat his braids.

“Mmhmm” you’re maybe not as capable of making words as you though you were. He chuckles and hugs you. Holds you in his big arms in a way that makes you feel untouchable.

The two of you lie in that room for as long as you can, until he has to start heading back to Home Tree, it’s almost morning and his parents are early risers. They’ll look for him if hes not in his tent…

It's hard. Letting him go. Even though you know he’ll be back. You keep pulling him back in for kisses, holding onto his muscular arms until he laughs and peels you off of him.

“I’ll be back my love. I’ll always return for you”

You frown but agree, pushing him away to get re-dressed- “How am I supposed to go back like this! Neteyam I don't have any pants!”

He’d shredded your shorts and panties. Literal tatters of cloth are all that’s left.

Neteyam cracks up, almost keeling over. Thinking he’s oh so funny. It lightens the situation and makes letting him go- watching him disappear back in the forest a little easier.

You end up having to pull your fortunately oversized t-shirt down as far as it can go as you make a mad dash across the facility, back to your dorm. You fall asleep grinning, thinking about how the panties had been a necessary sacrifice.

———

Norms on late night watch, keeping a bored, admittedly not sharp enough eye on the security camera’s feeds. With the rainy season, came an influx of Slinths’. It made sense to have a lookout, and somehow he’d gotten saddled with an overnight shift.

He’d definitely fallen asleep for a few hours. Not that he’d tell anyone of that fact.

There is nothing that could prepare him for what he see’s on the screen, over in the desolate East Bay. First, he thinks that he’s hallucinating, his sleep bogged eyes playing tricks on him.

He rubs them hard with his knuckles, not believing the image that is large and clear on the security footage.

It’s Neteyam. Inside the facility which almost never happened. And he’s bending down, his lips locked with Y/N’s . Kissing her hard and long before she punch’s in the code, and opens the air locked door to let him back out into the shadowy eclipse.

Norm’s learned a lot living on this strange moon- Pandora was mysterious. Full of things his brilliant mind would never understand. So he does what he does’ most of the time.

Minds his own business.

So I’ve had this idea cooking for months, but didn’t have the bandwidth to get it written down. The ideas wouldn’t translate to page and I still kind of feel like they didn’t butttttt whatever. This is pure self indulgence. I am so much more in love with Neteyam now. He is SUCH a good guy. Ugh.

Also, please remember that my requests are OPEN! Send in all that good shit. Come blue alien brain rot with me!

[the-travelling-witch]

𝐇𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐬 𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐥𝐲 𝐒𝐢𝐧𝐬

Riddle :: Wrath

A tiny spark is all it takes to ignite a fire that burns blindingly bright. If they won’t respect you and the rules on their own, you’ll just have to make them listen. After all, your wrath is justified, you are in the right here. It’s not you who is blinded, it’s everyone else who just can’t see.

Leona :: Sloth

Work smart not hard. Or don’t work at all; let someone else do the heavy lifting to get their hands dirty. And why not? After all, lazing around in the sun is what you deserve after being the brain behind this whole operation. There’s really no need to exert yourself when someone else can get it done too. Being awake, being asleep, what difference does it make? Why put in the effort when you will always be second best anyway?

Azul :: Greed

What’s so wrong with wanting it all? And who cares if you’ll ever find use for any of it, it’s more important that you could. Whether it’s money, knowledge or power, more is better and your desire to have more of it is valid. Avarice and success are two sides of the same coin and it’s golden gleam is oh so enticing.

Kalim :: Lust

Don’t think too hard about what pains you, just close your eyes and focus on what makes you happy. It’s so much easier than plaguing yourself with arduous topics such as betrayal and intrigues. It’s okay if the world is burning as long as it’s at your fingertips, so just indulge a little. Ignorance is bliss and bliss is what makes life fun, right?

Vil :: Gluttony

Never satisfied, never sated, you crave improvement the same way a starving man craves food and water. When you finally achieve something you have meticulously worked towards, there is no time to rest on your laurels, your eyes are already fixed on a new way to make yourself better, more beautiful, all in a never ending hunger for unreachable perfection. Would you be satisfied with being the fairest one of all?

Idia :: Envy

Sure, you’ve had some achievements in the fields you’re interested in but what else do you have going for yourself, nerd? This one remarkable trait aside, who’d be impressed by the rest of you? And it’s oh so easy too, to compare yourself with the people around you and the people you see online, only to find that you just don’t measure up. You’re envious of the people with normal lives, who get to choose what they want to do, who aren’t stuck and who easily fit in. Maybe you’re even envious of your past, where everything was still alright and within reach.

Malleus :: Pride

Being proud isn’t wrong, is it? Surely, everyone would feel that way if they were you. Just look at what you can effortlessly achieve, whereas others struggle so much with it. But you realise maybe too late that pride is often accompanied by solitude. After all, you don’t need anyone by your side, so why would anyone be willing to stand there? At the end of it all, you are too proud to lose to someone and too lonely to lose someone.

Yuu :: The Deadliest Sin

You know you’re doing it again. You just can't stop, can you? Sitting hunched over like an invertebrate when you really should know better. Have you eaten anything yet, drank enough water? Seen the sun, taken a walk and gotten enough sleep? I thought so. The time will come where you must answer for your sins, so don’t add to the tally.

© the-travelling-witch 2024 - do not repost, translate, copy or edit

if you like my content, reblogs, comments and asks are always much appreciated (also, yes, there will be second parts for the characters) ♡

twisted wonderland masterlist || join my twst discord server :]

➺ send in an ask to be added to or removed from my tag list

twisted wonderland: @savanaclaw1996 @honehbee42

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

The shorter version: Hey could you talk about stone tops more? Or anything like that, people who like giving but not recieving?

The longer version: I’m sort of going through that process of self discovery, I’ve been meaning to ask about it somehow- basically I am sexually attracted to people (I think??), I get aroused, I enjoy masturbating, even talking with my partner about stuff we could do is arousing to me. I enjoy some submissive kinky stuff. Hell, my boyfriend (transmasc, both of us are) recently let me go down on him and it was like a fucking religious experience, I LOVED it, but I find it really difficult to enjoy anything being done directly to /my/ genitals. Like, I can feel the sensations, and they feel good, but I don’t build any arousal, like I can’t get in the mood? I know I’m not, but I do feel fucked up and broken. Spiritually, I want my boyfriend to rail me into next week, but physically I’m afraid there’s like. Something wrong with me, like,, I don’t work??? Idk. I’ve got major anxiety, I’ve got dysphoria, I guess I always figured it was one of those things. There’s only so many times I can feel Way Too Seen by fanfiction about Noted Asexual, Archivist Jonathan Sims before I start to wonder what exactly they’ve hit directly on the head, if that makes sense. I’m not asking you to Diagnose Me Asexual lmaoo but I was wondering about more like… asexual adjacent things? My boyfriend suggested I look into “service top” too. I… don’t feel like a top? I’m very submissive. But I’ve heard it’s not always top= dom, bottom=sub… how can I be a submissive top?

Sorry this is… so much. It’s really been weighing on me. Even if you don’t feel up to answering this I thank you profusely for the sex ed content you’ve been posting lately. Demystifying sex and promoting sexual health is so incredibly important, and even just what I’ve read from you makes a difference in the agency I feel over my sex life.

hi anon,

weeeeeee!!! this is a fun one.

so, first off, I'm just gonna throw this out there: liking the idea of something - for instance, your boyfriend railing you into next week - is not an innate sign that that's something you'd like in real life. I'll jack off to the idea of getting railed like Thomas the Tank Engine, sure, but in real life vaginal penetration has never felt like much of anything to me + I haaaaAAAAaaaate the idea of doing anything with even a teeny tiny slight chance of getting me pregnant. some stuff is fine to stay in the brain!

if you do ever decide to tentatively explore it with your bf, that's also fine and wonderful, but let's focus on what we know about your likes right now. you don't want to get fucked (awesome) but you like going down (also awesome). none of that means you are or aren't asexual, btw, there are loads of asexuals in the world who love to get railed and hate going down and also feel every possible way about every other possible array of sex acts. you're only asexual if you want to be, keep that in mind.

you're also only stone or a service top or whatever else if you want to be. words exist to be useful, not as an innate ontological truth to discover within yourself. personally I think it's waaaaay more important for people to refine their sense of likes, dislikes, communication, and boundary-setting than finding the exact right word for their particular cup of tea.

as long as we're talking about terminology, let's get into dom/sub and top/bottom. you're absolutely correct that they're not interchangeable, whatever the hooligans on various hellsites would have you believe. dom and sub are terms for power exchange play, when two people enact a power differential in which one partner is consensually given a great deal of control over the other, be it physically, psychologically, financially, or what have you. top/bottom simply refer to who is acting vs who is being acted upon during a sexual act; while some people identify intensely as either a top or a bottom, it's also a simple matter for those roles to switch on a dime depending on what kind of sex you're into. it's completely possible to have sex without designating anyone the top or bottom, and I'd argue that most people have sex without there actually being a dom or sub involved.

so can dom bottom, or a sub top? of course; people can mix and match whatever pieces of sexuality they want in their own explorations. a dom can boss their sub around like a little servant, giving them extremely detailed instructions about exactly how to rail them, and perhaps punish them (in the fun consensual way, obviously) if they fail to meet those expectations and don't get their dom off the way that was wanted. you can, and I cannot possibly emphasize this enough, do whatever you want forever.

a service top, incidentally, is generally considered a separate thing from a dom (which is not to say they can't overlap!) in that a service top isn't always dominating, but is topping because they enjoy getting their partner off in whatever way they like. the overlap of service tops and folks who are stone is notable!

in your particular case I would recommend not worrying so much about which of these terms, if any, are the correct one for you and focus way ore on exploring and playing with your partner to find a rhythm that works well for the two of you. doms, subs, tops, and bottoms all have something useful to teach people about how they like intimacy, but there's no rush to figure out which category, if any, you fit in. just focus on what's fun and feels good to you and toss the rest.

[vodika-vibes]

I seriously love your work and I’m so glad I caught your follower celebration in time!! May I please have jonquil and coriander with Captain Rex and F!Reader? Reader is a mechanic for the 501st? And Rex secretly loves her and carries her back to her quarters when she dozes off at her workstation in the hangar after long nights post-campaigns when she’s exhausted and is insanely curious about her tattoos that peek out from under her coveralls?

It's A Secret

Summary: You want Rex. Rex wants you. It takes a long night and a short conversation to make either of you do anything about it.

Pairing: Captain Rex x F!Reader

Word Count: 1619

Warnings: Smutty, though there's no actual detail

Prompts: Jonquil - you occupy my thoughts, Coriander - lust

Tagging: @trixie2023 @n0vqni

A/N: I hope this is okay! The actual smut didn't feel right for some reason, so I ended up deleting it. Sorry. 😔

You release an exhausted noise as you finish the last of the items on your list. As much as you enjoy your job, and as much as you appreciate the fact that you’re useful to the war effort, it’s still exhausting.

You end each day with aching muscles and an exhausted brain. 

And while you’re glad for it, it makes it easy to sleep, you’re more than ready for the war to be over. Partly because you haven’t had a proper spa day in what feels like forever, but mostly because you’re worried for the boys you serve with, and you want them to take a break.

They deserve a break.

You stretch your arms over your head with a groan. All you have to do is clean up your mess and then you’re free for the night. Free to shower and crash.

Ugh, imagine having time for fun.

“Still hard at work, I see.” 

You turn on your stool and beam at the man standing only a little bit away from you, “Captain! Welcome back.”

“Thanks,” Rex absently rolls his shoulder as he walks over to you, and you can’t help but marvel at how handsome he is. Sure, he looks like all of his brothers, but there’s something…regal about him.

It’s insanely attractive.

“Any word from up high on how much longer we’re going to be here?” You ask as you hop from your stool and start cleaning up, “I’m not sure how much longer the equipment is going to tolerate the muck.” You say with a scrunch of your nose.

Rex laughs quietly as he claims your abandoned stool, “The equipment or you, mesh’la?”

“Both!” You spin and point at him with a wrench, “The equipment is absorbing my bad vibes. I’m so tired of the muck!”

Rex laughs a little louder, “Sadly, we’re going to be here for a couple months more.”

“I deserve hazard pay.” You announce as you turn and throw your wrench into its place, and then walk back to your bench and organize some things that stay on your table. 

“Mm, sure you do.” 

You turn away from him and sigh at the mess that is the shelving. You really don’t have time to deal with this during the day, but it needs to be done. So you take a steadying breath, and pull your hair up off your neck into a knot, and you start to work.

Though, you pause when you hear Rex make a strangled noise.

“Something wrong?”

“Is that a tattoo on your neck?” Rex asks, his voice sounding odd.

“Hm? Oh, yeah. I have a bunch of them. Just, they’re normally hidden under my jumpsuit.” You flash a small grin at him, and then turn your back towards him.

“Huh. I didn’t know you had any.” Rex admits, and you turn back to look at him when you hear him get to his feet, “I should go make sure that Fives isn’t harassing Jesse too much. Don’t work too hard, Mesh’la.”

“Sure, sure.” You wave him off,  “I have to finish this, though. So I’ll be here for a while.”

And then he’s gone, and you’re able to focus.

Honestly, you’d think that the other mechanics would know how to clean up after themselves.

It’s late. Late enough that even he should be asleep, but Rex is filled with a nervous energy that he can’t seem to shake. 

Well. Not nervous. Not really.

His mind is locked on the flash of blue he caught a glimpse of on his mesh’la’s neck. He is insanely curious about what tattoos she has, and, honestly, the fact that she has tattoos at all only increases his attraction to her. 

And he already fists his cock to the thought of her lips wrapped around him on a nightly basis.

Well.

Not just her lips. 

In any event, he’s wound too tightly to actually get any sleep.

So here he is, wandering the ship, trying to get his mind off his mesh’la and her tattoos, and failing. 

His feet bring him to the hanger, and then to the corner of the hanger where the maintenance team works. Sure, she won’t still be there, but being in her space might help him clear his mind.

Rex stops when he sees his mesh’la dozing at her workbench. 

He should leave. He shouldn’t bother her. She works so hard-

He steps closer to her and brushes some loose hair off of her face. She shouldn’t be sleeping here, it’s not good for her back. He moves his hand to her shoulder, to shake her awake, when she mumbles something in her sleep and buries herself in her arms.

And Rex realizes that he can’t wake her up. 

He knows where her room is, he could carry her to her room, but he doesn’t know the door code. He has no reason to know the door code. The medbay is an option, there are plenty of beds…but Kix’s head will explode if he brings someone there because he doesn’t want to wake her up.

The only other option is his bed.

He stamps down on the images flashing through his mind without really giving them a second thought. She’s tired, overworked, and needs someplace to sleep. He can sleep on the floor or at his desk or something. 

Carefully he lifts her into his arms, and she whines before she rolls towards the warmth of his body.

Well…at least it’s late enough that no one is going to give him a hard time about this. Or her, for that matter.

Rex makes it back to his room in record time, and makes sure that the door is locked behind him, before he carefully settles his mesh’la on his bed. He removes her boots, and sets them next to the bed, and then he covers her with the blanket, and he steps away to sit at his desk.

He powers on his datapad and starts reading through some reports. It’s too bad that she never bothered to change out of her jumpsuit. He really is curious about her tattoos.

You stir when something wakes you up. 

You’re curled around a pillow, though it’s not your pillow. It doesn’t smell like your shampoo, and you slowly realize that you’re not in your room. You blink at the bare wall in utter bafflement, and then you sit up.

“...Rex?”

He looks up from his datapad, and a small smile crosses his face, “Sorry, did I wake you?”

“...why am I in your room?” You ask, more confused than upset.

“You fell asleep at your workstation, and I didn’t want to leave you there. And it felt wrong waking you up.” Rex explains.

You glance at your chrono, 2 am “...have you been awake this whole time?”

“...I couldn’t sleep, so-”

You scramble out of the bed, “Rex! You need your sleep!”

“I wasn’t about to sleep in the same bed as you, mesh’la.” Rex points out.

“That’s very sweet, and very respectful, but Rex, I wouldn’t have cared.” You say as you walk over to him and pull him out of his chair, “You’re you.”

“...thank you?”

“I just meant. I trust you. I feel safe with you. I know you would never do anything.” You clarify. 

“Ah.” Rex pauses, “That makes sense.” He lightly pulls his arm out of your hands, and sets his hand on your shoulder, “I would have to lay pretty close to you for us both to fit, mesh’la, practically on top of you.”

You release a frustrated noise, and stand on your toes to kiss the corner of his lips.

He blinks at you, surprised, and then something almost predatory slides through his gaze, “Mesh’la, I want to see your tattoos.” His hand slides to the zipper high at your neck, “Can I see them?”

You frown at him, you just kissed him and he wants to see your tattoos? That’s not at all how you wanted him to react. “Yeah, if you like.”

He eases the zipper all the way down, and then he pushes the rough material off your shoulders. You move to catch the top of your jumpsuit before it falls too far, but Rex is faster than you.

He catches your wrists and allows the material to fall around your feet. Rex brings your hands to his lips and he presses feather light kisses against the pads of your fingers, and you stare at him in awe.

“Rex-”

“Do you have any idea how much I want you?” Rex asks, his voice low and rough.

“...tell me.” You whisper up to him. 

Rex’s hands slide up your arms, and then down your slides to lightly grip your hips. “Mm, I fist my cock to you every night.” He breathes out, his grip tight around your hips, “You’re always the first thing I think of when I wake up. I have dreams about burying my cock into you and fucking you into my bed until I’m the only thing on your brain.”

You slide your hands up his chest and then wrap your arms around his neck, “What else?”

He chuckles and he moves his lips to your neck, “Love the idea of marking you up. Making sure everyone knows that you’re spoken for.”

You release a breathless laugh, “Possessive.” 

“Mm, maybe.” He nips at your neck, “I want you in my bed, pretty girl. Naked and wet and needy-” He trails off, dragging his lips from your neck to your ear, “What do you think?”

“Please.” You whisper up to him.

In the end, Rex wasn’t able to see your tattoos until morning as he was a little…distracted.

[quinloki]

I’m on shark week and I had a thought I can’t stop thinking about

Let’s say someone form our world is put into one piece BUT one piece logic stays the same

Acne? Phhhshhh what’s that?

Periods? God no!

Hell, maybe even dead skin(like when you shower and you can scratch and bits come off(I promise I shower everyday))

Even your biology is different than theirs

The doctors of op are going to have a field day with you. Specifically law, fucking law man. He’d Likely have your front body cut in half so he can see everything and make notes/research.You take a nap and when you wake up he’s sitting at his desk studying your liver.

Marco? Pain relief. If he’s free you bet your ass he’s gonna be there, one hand being encompassed in healing flame the other holding his book. The nurses are definitely going to take interest but their main focus is pops so they won’t have that much time with you.

I don’t know how to write chopper and idk who kids doc is butttttt

When you bleed through your pants and someone points it out they are mainly concerned (only slightly) and eventually you have to explain that yes you’re okay. No you don’t have anything wrong with you. I think I’d be a….interesting conversation at first though killer would take over when kid was done.

What I do know is you’d definitely get good at making re usable pads

You could also tell them about the lead in tampons…..lol

-💧

my absolute favorite fic where it’s different is “Suprise, you ruined everything” - by hippy Mindy on ao3. It’s not the main focus but it’s mentioned and there are themes.(yes, I know the title sounds cringy)

I was up at like six my time and it’s almost 10am and my brain is finally awake enough to form thoughts. It’s apparently going to be a slow day for me xD

Surprise, You Ruined Everything is a pretty popular fic lately. I’ve heard about it from a lot of different friends and it’s getting solid reviews ^_^ I love the title actually xD there’s layers to it that delight me all on it’s own.

I will admit to being a little down cause isekai OP fix-it story was something I had planned - but! I’mma still do my version of it eventually too. Cause that’s one of the joys of fan fic and community - my version will be different ^_^ no one ever complained about two cakes 🎂

I haven’t read it yet, but I might do that today. I’m working and there’s not much to do between it being near to the end of the month plus crowdstrike.

Now, onto the meat - I love the idea that “if we don’t see it is doesn’t exist” as part of world building. No periods, no acne, etc. XD some people just don’t have body hair at all 😂

That would be a lot of fun to play with. Man no periods means no cramps. By the gods I could go for that.

I love your head canons too - I don’t have anything to add to that. I’d 1000000000% abuse Marco for pain relief.

[ms-m-astrologer]

Transiting Mercury enters Libra

Wednesday, October 4 - Sunday, October 22, 2023

(At age 65 I am officially elderly and a senior citizen - my Gemini Sun is a bit horrified; my Aries Moon and Scorpio Ascendant are delighted - perhaps this is my first real burst of “get off my lawn” energy, but lately I’m getting very impatient about long posts on my Tumblr dashboard. So as not to be even more of a hypocrite than I usually am, I’m going to start using the “keep reading” function more frequently.)

Back to quickies for the second-speediest planet-type thingie (the Moon being swiftest). And this is something I think we should all be grateful for - all of the transits through Libra this year, have been and continue to be very challenging.

The goals of a Mercury transit through Libra are to calm the mind - to wrap our heads around seeming paradoxes - and to truly listen to other people whom we trust and love. Remember, we just went through two-plus month’s worth of Mercury/Virgo multitasking, worry, and criticism! Simply put, our brains require balance right now. Where and how this all can go wrong:

Learning - we’re lazy students; we don’t (want to) put in the effort. Going for that “gentleman’s ‘C’,” instead of doing our best. We turn away from harsher realities - if we’re prone to wearing rose-colored glasses, we probably have them permanently attached.

Thinking and reasoning - can be cold and judgmental; Libra is represented by a machine, remember. We’re too “logical” for our own good, and can rationalize away anything our consciences niggle at us with. And again, we don’t want to spend time on “unpleasant” matters. We’d rather ponder the superficial.

Communication - we tell people what (we think) they want to hear; we express ourselves too pleasantly, or conversely, we’re too addicted to arguing; because we don’t want to “rock the boat” we fail to express anything uncomfortable - anger, dread, etc. (Actually, most of us do want to rock the boat, if not outright capsize the damned thing - it’s the consequences we want to avoid.)

My recommendations:

Meditate, even if it’s a stolen half-minute in a locked toilet stall.

Identify whom you do trust - if the answer is “nobody” then find someone - open up to and be honest with them, and listen humbly to what they have to say in return.

Most of us listen in order to respond, not to understand. Google “active listening skills” and put them into practice.

I don’t consider Libra a cowardy sign by any means - Eleanor Roosevelt, for example - for in pursuit of fairness and justice, Libra can and will stand tall and brave. We need to remember that we’re always working towards the ultimate outcomes of fairness and justice - it’s a difficult and sometimes dangerous path - and it can be done.

Another difficulty: this entire transit takes place during the “shadow of the eclipse.” It may bring up some issues we can’t clear up and resolve until after the “shadow” ends on October 31. By that day, Mercury will be halfway through Scorpio, and much more empowered and able to work through its problems.

Thursday, October 5 - Mercury/Libra inconjunct Saturn Rx/Pisces. The first little sign of adjustments needing to be made. Some authority problems; we may have to let something go.

Saturday, October 7 - Mercury/Libra square Vesta/Cancer. Lack of focus - or hyper-focus; if there is a topic we’re really interested in, in a scholarly way, that’s all we want to think and talk about.

Sunday, October 8 - Mercury/Libra sesquiquad Uranus Rx/Taurus. Some kind of delay in getting what we want - perhaps we bit off more than we could chew. If we’ve been intellectually lazy, &/or glossed over things, it bites us in the butt.

Tuesday, October 10 - Mercury/Libra semi-sextile Ceres/Scorpio. Write down any deep thoughts or insights; we can address them and work through them when Mercury and Ceres are conjunct on November 4. (Spoiler alert: that’s going to be an intense day.)

Thursday, October 12:

Mercury/Libra semi-square Juno/Leo

Mercury/Libra conjunct Pallas Athene/Libra

Mercury/Libra inconjunct Jupiter Rx/Taurus

We have a really intriguing idea but (1) partners disapprove &/or (2) the timing is off. Just because an idea is intriguing doesn’t mean that it’s also good!

Friday, October 13 - Mercury/Libra sesquiquad Saturn Rx/Pisces. Eclipse eve. More delays, though in time we may reconsider the delays as being blessings in disguise.

Saturday, October 14 - Mercury/Libra opposite Chiron Rx/Aries. Eclipse day. This might manifest as an argument, or a sudden hurtful realization about ourselves or someone else.

Tuesday, October 17 - Mercury/Libra inconjunct Uranus Rx/Taurus. An adjustment we really resist having to make, especially if it’s difficult or “icky.” As we tend to have to do come election time in the US, we’re forced to choose “the lesser of two evils” and not “the best.” This distresses and disgusts us more than usual.

Wednesday, October 18 - Mercury/Libra semi-square Venus/Virgo. Mercury and Venus are in mutual reception - in each other’s sign - which strengthens what would otherwise be some petty, unimportant annoyance. Take some deep breaths; it’s temporary!

Then all hell breaks loose, on Thursday, October 19 - Friday, October 20:

Mercury/Libra opposite Eris Rx/Aries

Mercury/Libra opposite North Node/Aries, conjunct South Node/Libra

Mercury/Libra inconjunct Neptune Rx/Pisces

Mercury/Libra conjunct Sun/Libra (aka the “Superior Conjunction”)

Mercury/Libra square Pluto/Capricorn

Our ways of doing Mercury are blasted. This not-new situation (something we’ve avoided or procrastinated having to deal with) can manifest as accusations of being “too sensitive” - or “too insensitive.” Someone is screaming, we don’t like it, and we’ll do anything to stop it and shut them up. We discover that we’ve been manipulated - or someone discovers that we’ve manipulated them. Really, really dreadful news, which we could have lessened (if not prevented) if we had only had the ovaries/balls to do something about it sooner. We can’t see any of it clearly.

The resolution to a t-square can be found via the sign not represented in the main action - in this case, Cancer. We need to be a little more tribal. What’s best for the tribe? How can we nurture and protect the tribe? We need to be more sensitive and responsive to the other people in our “families;” life does not have to be all about only ourselves and our egos/vanity, all the time. It may be wiser to go with our guts, for a while.

Remember: Mercury’s transit through Scorpio will enable and empower us to address these issues successfully.

[theundertalenebulartheory]

Dream Catcher, Nightmare Snatcher (A Symbiote Nightmare!Sans Fic)

((I’ve had this idea rattling around in the back of my brain for a while, inspired originally by @zwagyzonk and their little comic of Nightmare as a sleep paralysis demon that gets captured by a dreamcatcher. https://zwagyzonk.tumblr.com/tagged/sleep%20paralysis

But @mothiepixie and the Nightmare Revival she’s inspired with her Symbiote Nightmare https://www.tumblr.com/mothiepixie/tagged/symbiote%20nightmare

gave me the kick in the pants I needed to finally put something a little more coherent together.))

DREAM CATCHER, NIGHTMARE SNATCHER CH1

You’re cursed.

Utterly and completely, hopelessly cursed.

It was the only explanation. You’d been having night terrors for weeks on end. Spooky voices following you through the woods. A cyan eye. Falling. Running. Your pants missing at your commencement ceremony. Teeth falling out. A cheshire smile. You’re late to the most important event of your life. It’s your birthday and nobody shows up. Even the kind where everything seems normal but it’s just wrong in ways you can’t actually articulate nor even strictly identify, but in ways that become oppressively more intense until you’re screaming and crying as you come-to from something so horrendous as the ice cream man asking you what flavor you wanted. Ink-black oil-slicked tentacles lashing out from the shadows and dragging you into the dark.

Needless to say, you’re also desperate.

Utterly and completely, hopelessly desperate.

You’ve tried everything. Melatonin. Warm milk. No TV before bed. A break from social media. Researching dream meanings online. Avoiding fast food. A warm bath before bed. Staying up for a full night and not sleeping until the next night to try to exhaust yourself past the point of being even capable of experiencing nightmares. Alcohol. Reading silly stories. Buying different laundry detergent. Changing the thermostat. Checking for carbon monoxide.

More nightmares.

You dragged, quite literally if the scraping sound of the scuff of your shoes is anything to go by, yourself through a Farmer’s Market you’d had on your calendar for days. You were excited to be here. You’d wanted to come. There were colors and people and sounds and smells. But you were so, so tired you could barely focus on anything happening around you. Even the strongest espresso you could buy was barely keeping you vertical. You were clutching it like a life preserver and trying to look at the art and you reached for a little sample of cheese. Your mouth told them (someone) it’s amazing even though you couldn’t actually remember if it made it past your teeth. You’re exhausted, incoherent, and in danger of falling on someone or something if you keep going even though you’re barely halfway through. It was warm and sunny and not even the brightest summer sunshine could keep you upright so you reached for another sample of something. The nice lady behind the stall asked if you could only please take two and you don’t even remember taking the first one. So, you admitted defeat and turned around. You just had to get back to your car. You have to drive home without getting into an accident. You have to...

You sat. It was shady. And still shiny. Colorful. Someone asked you a question and you answered. Then kept talking. Until there were tears. Something was pressed into your hand and you reached into your wallet, grabbing what was in there and trading everything you had for whatever was in your hand before fleeing.

You’d forgotten your espresso somewhere before arriving home, clutching your new prize as if it could save you. As if it had answers to questions you couldn’t even ask. You flopped into bed on your back, your prize resting over your heart (your soul) as you passed from consciousness.

It’s the dark and spooky woods again. You’re breathing quickly, great gulps of air giving you barely any reprieve as you dodge trees and stumble over their roots. Roots that reach for you, oil-slick and glistening eerily as they grab for your legs and ankles. You don’t even know what you’re running from, only that It’s Coming. And if you stop, you’ll be caught. Dragged away. So, you run. Your blood is pounding in your ears and tears are streaming down your cheeks, or maybe it’s the blood from catching a branch across your face. All at once the roots grab at you and you hit the ground hard enough to bounce, knocking the wind completely out of your lungs. You lay there gaping, suffocating, drowning, and over your shoulder there’s that cyan eye and the cheshire smile. The roots have you trapped, winding tighter around you like a boa constrictor. They wrap around your neck, your face, holding you completely immobile as that menacing smile grows closer and the cold chill of terror seeps into your very bones.

A black, skeletal hand reaches for you and catches your face.

There’s something in your hand.

You wrench free of just one tentacle and shove it at him. He easily catches your hand, prying your prize from your desperate clutches. It’s a... net. And you aren’t letting go. But then again... neither is he. The smile falters as the skeletal hand draws back, caught fast by the fingertips in the delicate weave of the net, and then by the wrist. The entity jerks back fully, the tentacles around you instantly dissolving and you choke out a wheezing gasp as they struggle against the threads that seem to be materializing out of the shimmering beads embedded in the net that’s still held fast in your hand. It’s arm is fully caught, and then it’s ribcage. He shouts in distress and disbelief as he’s fully entangled, and not even all the tentacle roots surrounding you can wiggle free.

Something in the dreamscape shifts and changes and suddenly you’re... yourself. It’s you. Awake and lucid and staring wide-eyed at this... being. Creature. Monster.

He’s trapped.

The threads grow thicker and stronger until they’re chains holding HIM immobile and he’s shouting a loud string of archaic curses as he thrashes in his bonds. Bonds that stretch across the small clearing and lead right back to your hand.

He, too, follows the lines and discovers YOU to be his captor. He snarls, bares his fangs and strains will the full might of his power. Roars with a multi-layered voice that growls deeply enough you think you feel your bones rattle, “What Have You Done!?”

“ME?” You ask incredulously, still reeling from this turn of events. You blink at him, utterly flabbergasted and honestly a little offended. “You were the one chasing me! Are YOU the reason I’ve been having nightmares for weeks? What the hell, man!?”

The skeleton snaps his teeth at you, thrashing regardless of how useless it seems to be. “Silence! I’ll not be spoken to in such a manner! I am a demigod! Nightmare, Guardian of Negativity. You are a mere human. Kneel when you speak to me, peasant!”

You raise a single eyebrow at him. “Kneel. To you. Uhhh... no thanks. You’ve been terrorizing me for weeks, I don’t have to do jack shit. If anything, YOU should be the one who’s kneeling! I’ve fallen asleep at work like 10 times this month. I’m probably one more infraction away from getting fired. I could have died, dude. If I’m driving to work and I fall asleep at the wheel, I could kill other people AND myself! YOU kneel! YOU say sorry!”

Nightmare actually verbally sputters at that, glaring at you with hatred, disgust, and vitriol. “I do not kneel to anyone. The insolence. Your unmitigated gall is reason enough for me to end your pathetic life this instant. No ties can truly bind a being such as myself. I do not know what tricks you have devised to hold me this long, but you stand there and speak to me in this manner no longer. Perhaps if you beg, I may take pity enough on you to end you quickly and painlessly.”

You blink at him, your expression deeply unimpressed. “Yeah. Uh-huh. Ok. Well. That’s nice. You seem pretty stuck there, though.”

It’s now Nightmare’s turn to give you a flat, unimpressed look. The root tentacles begin to undulate and thrash in earnest now, his teeth gritting as he strains against his bonds. He growls with the effort, attempting to pull them back underground, slip between the cracks, even flex against the chains to try to break them. But they hold fast, almost as if they’re somewhat elastic and sticky. He thrashes harder, growl raising to a snarl and finally to a howl of frustration when it becomes clear that he’s absolutely stuck fast and cannot break his confinement.

“Blast these chains! How have you done this!? What is that in your hand!? What device have you crafted that has fastened me so!?”

You drop your gaze down to the thing in your hands and you’re surprised to see it’s a dreamcatcher. You’d call it ordinary since you’re pretty sure most people where you’re from are at least familiar with what it is and how it’s made but it’s actually far from ordinary. It’s stunning. You can feel the care and attention to detail put into it, and what little bit of silver light filters through the trees catches beautifully in the moonstone beads carefully woven into the design. Its small size is more than made up for by its intricacy, and you’re half wondering if it’s some kind of lace inside of the hoop. It isn’t, of course, but such delicate and intricate weaving is certainly reminiscent of lace.

“Huh. You know... I don’t actually know how I got this. I think maybe I bought it? Or someone gave it to me? I don’t really remember, it’s all a bit fuzzy.”

“You don’t...” Nightmare shakes with fury and the chains rattle ominously. “You aren’t even aware of how you came to possess it? What kind of dullard are you? You half-wit! Blundering Trollop!”

You couldn’t help but snort at him a little. “Wow. Go back to the 1400’s, my man. They want their speech patterns back.” You shake your head as he shrieks about your insult, and you go back to inspecting your super cool prize.

“Alright, here’s how this is going to work. This thing caught you because you’ve been giving me nightmares. I’m going to wake up, and then I’m going to look online to see how you like... cleanse it or purify it or whatever. That should banish you back to wherever it is you came from. And then I’m going to keep this thing with me for a very long time. If you like being all tied up, feel free to come back and try again, but I’m going to give you the suggestion that maybe if you would prefer not to get stuck like this again... don‘t come back. Alright? I don‘t care who you are, I don’t care what your deal is, I don’t care about any of that. I want my sleep back, and that’s it. I don’t have any beef with you, I don’t want to fight you, I don’t want to be mortal enemies or anything. I’m not going to hunt you down or whatever. No grudges or anything. I just want to sleep. And this thing seems to be capable of helping me not wake up in the middle of the night screaming. So... begone with you or whatever.”

You waved your hands at him in a ‘shooing’ manner, and he continued to tremble with rage. “To think you even could fathom to hunt me,” he spat, “is laughable at best. Hear me now, human. Your little ‘device’ may have saved you from my wrath in the realm of dreams. But should you ever cross my path again, I’ll not hesitate to destroy you. There will be no preamble. There will be no mercy. There will be no begging for your life. You will cease to exist.”

“But why,” you whined. “I didn’t even do anything! YOU showed up and bullied me in my sleep for weeks for no reason. I found a solution that isn’t even hurting you, told you that I’d set you free by banishing you back to wherever it is you come from once I wake up... and your reaction is to threaten me with imminent death!? What if I just... don’t ever free you, then? Hmm? Wouldn’t that be smarter of me? If the reward I get for finding the most peaceful resolution to all this is imminent death, then why bother with trying to find a way to release you!? Or... banish you. Cleanse the... the thing. What if I just go bury it somewhere instead? Wouldn’t that be better AND easier for me than trying to research how to release you?”

Nightmare seethes in his bonds, glaring at you with his one piercing cyan eye light, but you can see the wheels in his head turning. You only stumbled there in the end because if this guy is a real thing, you probably shouldn’t be telling him about what a dreamcatcher is. That seems to be your one deus ex machina at the moment and you definitely don’t want to give him information he can use against you later. The less he knows, the better. And if that means you look like an idiot that’s stumbled on something they don’t really know how to use, all the better. Because that might give the impression that maybe this is the minimum power this “device” might have, and if you knew more about it you could use it even MORE effectively. That’s not actually how it works, but you like giving the impression of that being a possibility.

“Fine,” he spits eventually.

“Fine?” You fold your arms over your chest. “Fine what?”

He growls lowly, a dangerous rumble that shakes your very soul. “Release me, and I shall trouble you no longer. I shall reward your... mercy... in kind, and depart peaceably.”

“You promise?”

His upper lip curls as if he’s smelled something particularly foul. “You have my word.”

You squint at him. He seems like the kind of being that trades in deals and favors often, but this Nightmare (literally) hasn’t exactly given you a lot of reasons to trust him at his word. “And what happens if I believe you and then you double cross me and come back for revenge later or something?”

He sputters again, indignant, and shakes in his chains. “I gave you my word! Do you have any idea of how rare a thing it is? How many beings across the multiverse have begged on their hands and knees for such an assurance?”

Even kneading at the space between your eyes isn’t doing much for expressing just how deeply conflicted you feel. “Alright. Alright. I’ll wake up. Find a way to purify this thing. Banish you back to where you belong and never see you again. But if I catch you in this thing again because you came back for revenge, I’m just going to bury it somewhere. You’ll be stuck in it until someone else comes along and stumbles on it, however long that might be. Got it?”

“I agree to your terms.”

The light filtering through the trees is taking on a more golden tone than silver and you shift to try to find its source. “Guess maybe it’s morning now?”

Nightmare doesn’t deign to respond to your rhetorical question, but you feel a little weird about just leaving without saying something. “Well, uh... I guess it was pretty cool to meet you in person after everything. Maybe stop doing that, though. The whole ‘terrorizing people’s dreams’ thing. Or at least just like... pick a different victim each night. Share the misery or something. Anyways. Uh... take care of yourself, ok?”

He rolls his eyes and groans in exasperation. “Just take your leave, for stars’ sake. Listening to your aimless prattling while trapped as I am is more punishment than I deserve.”

“Tch. Fine. Bye.”

You blinked awake, staring at your ceiling for a long moment while the memories of your dream clung to your consciousness. It was strange, actually. Usually you didn’t remember much about your dreams. Little snippets of moments here and there. But this one was actually sticking. And the fact that you could remember most of it had you looking down at your hand, where it was resting over your heart.

Huh. There really was something in your hand. You lifted it up and inspected it, half surprised but more intrigued that the very same dreamcatcher you’d dreamed about was held tightly in your palm. Well... it was mostly the same as it had been in your dream. Black ooze was tangled in the threads of the delicate weaving. THAT certainly hadn’t been there before. But it did look eerily like the iridescent slime that the Nightmare creature had been covered in. You touched a bit of it, and it moved, which made you jump. You tried again, and the goop flinched away.

“No way.”

You pinched and pulled a bit of it off of the fibers, and you jumped when it sounded like the slime made some teeny little sound of protest. “Oh hush,” you admonished, “I’m trying to get you out of there. I’m trying this first.”

It was wild to think that the Nightmare creature was so tiny. The amount of goop stuck in your dreamcatcher probably wouldn’t have even filled a thimble all the way, if you had one nearby to stick it in. He’d seemed so huge and powerful in your dreams. But, then again, this was the waking world and perhaps you couldn’t really expect everything to be exactly how it was when you were sleeping.

It took some effort, but after a few minutes you’d managed to remove most of the goop from the dreamcatcher. It trembled a little in your hand before stretching experimentally and wrapping around two of your fingers. It slipped, almost snake-like, in and around the gaps, like it was blindly trying to get a feel for the world around it. “Well, hello to you too.”

It was kindof cute, if you were being honest. And a little bit puzzling. You’d said you would purify the dreamcatcher (you vaguely remembered something from when you were a kid about putting them in direct sunlight) but you’d sort-of expected that all that would happen is you’d leave it in your window sill, and whatever banishing or purification was going to happen would happen in the dream world. You hadn’t expected the Nightmare creature to join you in the waking world. But then again, maybe it was better this way. Maybe this would give you some kind of visual cue as to when the banishing/purification had finished. Maybe the little blob creature would slowly vanish through the day or maybe it would suddenly disappear.

You picked up the dreamcatcher and moved to put it in the window, but startled a little bit to see more ooze seeping out of the threads. Ah. So... perhaps the rest of him was still in there, then. You plucked the new goobers of ooze out of the threads and they easily joined with the small mass in your hand. “Alright. Well. Clearly that’s not going to be enough to get you free, then. Let me do a quick internet search to make sure I’m doing this right and then we’ll get you out of there.”

The mass shifted a little, moving to your wrist where it wrapped around it like a bracelet before settling against your skin. You turned your hand a little to look at it from both sides, but it seemed like the goop was content to rest on your wrist, so you left it alone. A quick internet search revealed that you’d at least remembered somewhat correctly, though the few websites you’d found all talked about how the bad dreams or bad thoughts that had been captured in the dreamcatcher would be “destroyed with the light of the morning sun,” which seemed a little bit... harsher than you really wanted to be. But maybe that was just the phrasing some older website had used and everyone was just citing the same source (or each other.)

“Alright, little guy. Let’s see if this works.”

You took your dreamcatcher to your east-facing window and pulled up the blinds. The reaction was horrifically instantaneous. The goop bracelet constricted painfully tight and squealed, and the little beads of goop that had managed to leak out of the threads in the dreamcatcher during your internet started shriveling up with a soft hiss. Cursing, you yanked the hoop out of the sunlight and clutched it to your chest. Guilt and anxiety clawed their way up your throat and you whispered while furiously petting the slime still squeezing your wrist.

“Sorry! I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I didn’t know! I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry. We won’t do that. I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to hurt you, honest. I’m just doing what the research said, but if it’s hurting you then I’ll find something different to try. I’m sorry. Are you ok? Uhhhhh... Here!”

You rushed to your bathroom and turned your sink on cold, trickling it carefully over the bracelet and the beads of goop that had been affected by the sunlight as you continued to murmur your apologies. Slowly the goop on your wrist relaxed, and the knot of guilt in your chest eased a little.

Well... this was maybe going to take a little longer than you’d expected it would.

Nightmare was NOT going to be happy about that.

[[ You can read the rest of the fic on AO3 at https://archiveofourown.org/works/48671317 ]]

((Tagging @velvetwyrme because I was telling them about this fic idea the other day. If anyone who follows MothiePixie ends up reading this fic, I’ve been trying to be a little more active with other UTDR / UTMV blogs by commenting on posts and sending asks and stuff but uhhh, you’ve probably been seeing me around under the main blog name accioturtur - Hi! It’s me. Lol. This is the sideblog I’m using for UT stuff. AO3 is down for maintenance today but maybe at some point I’ll get this over there.))

Disclaimer: For anyone unfamiliar with Native American Dreamcatchers, there are actually several different versions of the beliefs surrounding them corresponding with the different tribes that use them. Some tribes believe that the webbed netting of the dreamcatcher actually captures GOOD dreams, to keep them close to you. Some tribes believe the net captures bad thoughts and dreams to keep them from troubling your mind. The different parts of the dreamcatcher are symbolic and very important to the cultures that use them. For the opening chapter of this idea, I only reference a couple of parts AND I will be the first to admit I’m taking a few artistic liberties for how the interaction in the Dream World might go down. This fic is just for Fandom Funsies - please only ever purchase dreamcatchers from actual Native American sources.

THAT SAID - the basic premise therefore could be used for either a Nightmare Gets Caught fic OR for a Dream Gets Caught fic, both of which have fun and silly implications. Since I’m blending the Dreamcatcher and Symbiote ideas, mine will be using Nightmare. Anyone is welcome to playing around with the idea, though!

THIS fic takes place about 50-100 years after The Tree and Dream is still trapped in stone. Nightmare is still trying to learn about his powers and his place in the multiverse and because he’s still a bit less experienced and on his own, he gets caught somewhere he really doesn’t *technically* have any business being in the first place.

[brokenmusicboxwolfe]

Sorry about this, but it’s is me moaning again.

I dunno. I am so worn out.

Everything is broken or breaking. Everything needs work. I can’t afford to fix or replace anything, and the basics of things like “shelter” are getting rather conceptual rather than real.

My body is failing me, and has so much wrong at once I don’t even think my standard answer to how I’m doing of “surviving” is true anymore. Like, the clock is ticking on when I break down for good. It can be summed up as: on physical/health level a pretty bad.

I need proper exercise, like not working on stuff, but like my walks in the woods. I miss the woods. I used to go every single day, and now I haven’t even been managing once a week!

I don’t have time for just being with animals, so they only see me when I feed them or give them medicine. I feel guilty all the time.

You know, I haven’t taken pictures of my sculpting for over three weeks now. I haven’t even taken a single photo in a week…a WEEK! ME! Who had been taking 5,000 photos a month! I carry my camera but I never have time or energy or focus or…I dunno, I just don’t care.

I haven’t gotten any sculpting ready to sculpt with. This little bit of old stuff will take forever to grind back into usable, and if I didn’t have to make an Easter gift for Mom I think I might just give up. It’s no fun with sculpey that crumbles and won’t stick, that has given my thumbs and fingers huge calluses, and I’ve no energy to waste making this god awful crap.

But I’ve gotta make something for Mom. I have no ideas and awful sculpey that won’t even let me attach ears on a damn rabbit! I’m really stressed about this…

Long ago I gave up writing except for my nightly journal entry. Even that has gotten to be more of a laundry list of my day since my life got too wrecked for contemplation. I haven’t missed a night since I was in my late teens, but for the last five months I’ve been falling asleep writing almost every single night! It’s gotten so bad that I am falling asleep before I finish writing about even my morning.

Then I wake up, at 3 or 4 am with a light burning my eyes, ink all over me, an a deep sense of fear and despair overwhelming me. I lie awake for hours, desperately trying to distract my brain from feeling like I’ve fallen out of a plane without a parachute.

Six hours of sleep. No matter how early I go to bed, or late I lie in, I can’t seem to get more than 6 hrs of sleep! I dream about sleep when I actually do dream.

I miss dreams. Proper dreams. I used to have the most amazing dreams.

I also miss daydreaming. I used to do that ALL the time. My hands could be busy but I could still conjure other worlds. . I loved being cozy in bed just so I could imagine, and now I lie there and worry. I can’t even daydream in that most perfect of settings!

Hell, I can’t think. As a child when people asked my favorite thing to do I’d say “thinking” first. Now it’s like there is no space or energy left over. Am I getting stupid too? I feel like I am. I certainly can’t focus.

That includes focusing on movies. I used to watch a movie every single night. Now even when I watch one I feel like it slides right out of my head. I “watch” it enough to tell you the gist of the plot but it’s like a partially over heard voice rather than a conversation.** I do a lot of “I think I’d like it, but I need to rewatch it when I can actually, you know, watch…”

I keep forgetting things. I understand why. I have soooo many things to do, new things get added every damn day, I have only one me to do it all, and this me is exhausted. Of course I forget things. But it still bothers me.

Today I remembered I had forgotten the new book to start reading Mom. I’d left it at her house yesterday, having picked it out before spending the next three hours working on stuff. So I went around there to get it to read it when I called her, but it turned out I had also forgotten where I put it. (In my defense, I’d set it on top of a stack of stuff I’d been sorting out, and when it fell over I’d been too tired to pick it up right then. It was kinda out of sight, out of mind under the pile) Then, when I went to call Mom it turned out I had forgotten to charge me phone! So today Mom never got her call because I’m a forgetful idiot!

I’m terrified I am going to forget to pay this one bill by the end of the month. I have to save the money for it out of my grocery funds, so it’s going to be after next week’s shopping trip before I can pay it. Until then I have it set up on the stove, which, yeah, is a bit of a hazard, BUT at least I have to look at it every day.

I have to look at it every day. My chest tightens when I look at it. And this is a doable bill! I just have to spend a few weeks with mac-n-cheese or bean soup. Imagine what it would be like if I had gotten the car worked on, like I need to, or if I went to a doctor, like a normal sensible person would do?

Sorry. I don’t suppose there is a point to all this. I’m tired, I feel rotten, my life is getting more precarious by the day, I am mostly not doing any of the things I enjoy, and not having fun when I try to. I have no money or energy or time. And, being isolated and alone in all this, I vent on my silly blog where people are trying to enjoy two year old snow pics without having to put up with my constant whining!

LOL/**sobs**

(And now I’m thinking of all the asks, comments, and messages I haven’t replied to yet. Geez! That makes inflicting this on you folks even worse!!)

**Movies are like conversations, at least if you do it right. Watching isn’t a passive experience as you let yourself go “into” the movie. It doesn’t matter if you hate it and mock it, or adore it and are inspired. Your watching reacts. You aren’t watching the “same” movie as the person sitting next to you, because you bring your experiences, personality, and so forth to it. The object of the movie is incomplete without a viewer, but each viewer completes it with themselves. Not explaining this well….

[alittlebitgoofy]

we were friends, now i want more (1/3) - (spice/luxx)

heheheheh i didn't mean for this to turn into a multipart thing but i wanted to post what i had and i won't leave y'all hanging on such a cliffhanger. so much gay shit about to drop i felt like giving these gals the build up for the penny to finally drop :)) many thanks to @fuckyeah-dragrace and @puppywritesthings for dealing with my tired ass writing and making sure it makes sense, and dealing with my constnat questions about the american college system (ily puppy thx bestie) ao3 link

Luxx huffed impatiently on her laptop as if that would solve the block that was this assignment. Fucking essays. Whoever decided this was important for a music class was an absolute ass.

Marcia glanced at them wearily. Luxx wasn’t one to half ass anything, always insisting it had to be perfect, the issue came with the self criticism. Even in the short time they’d shared a dorm together, she’d figured out that they were never happy with anything they did. There was always something to improve which was great until you had assignments due that you were never happy with.

The laptop slamming shut made them jump, watching as Luxx growled into her hands.

“This is fucking ridiculous.”

“Maybe you should take a break?”

“Maybe. Or I could just finish this and be done with it. If my brain would work.”

They let out an exasperated sigh, picking up the laptop and throwing it into their bag.

“Maybe if I go to the library I’ll get this done.”

“This late? Marcia glanced at the time. Who in their right mind went to the library at 11pm on a Thursday?

“Fuck it, no one else is going to be there and it’s 24 hours for a reason.”

“You do you I guess.” Arguing with her roommate was a lost cause. Marcia just shrugged, shooting Spice a text to inform her of Luxx’s actions. If anyone could talk sense into them it was her.

Luxx swore they would get this done, ignoring that it was due the next morning. They didn’t want to take the hit and admit something was beyond them.

Thankfully the library was as empty as expected, only a few people typing at laptops looking as tired as they felt. The change in scenery helped a small bit, progress happening slowly but surely to this piece of torture their professor called coursework.

Hours seemed to pass in the blink of an eye yet agonisingly slowly. She stared down the word count like it was trying to murder her. 500 words left. That was all she needed.

Just as the focus began to stray, Luxx’s phone buzzed. The brief flash of irritation faded to a small smile as they noticed it was Spice.

Spice: u ok? marcia said u went to the libry to do an essay

Spice: libray

Spice: library? hot girls can’t spell

Luxx: you got there in the end, I’m fine just want to die over this shitty essay

Spice: due tomorrow?

Luxx: yeah, it’s evil

Spice: how long did u have to do it?

Luxx: two weeks

Spice: evil

Luxx couldn’t help but smile at her phone. At least someone got it. Spice's lack of spelling ability provided enough amusement rto finish this damn thing.

By the time they were done, there was nobody else left in the library. Luxx glanced at the clock, cringing as it read 4am. Did it really take five hours to finish this thing? How could a stupid essay have taken her this long. At least it was done.

Not like she needed to be up for an 8am class. That wasn’t a thing. Not at all.

The world seemed to want her exhausted, running off barely any sleep and wanting to commit a crime if anyone looked at her the wrong way. Luxx wanted nothing more than to curl up and sleep for the weekend as they came out of class though knowing Marcia was with Jax in their dorm she chanced not having pda shoved down her throat and texted Spice to see if she was free.

Of course she got a text back in an instant, trusting that girl to always be on her phone.

Spice: sug is in class for a few hours, come hang out with me 🥺

Luxx: as long as no one is making out in your dorm im there

Even Spice was starting to grate on them a bit. Her relentless energy was usually fun but right now, all Luxx wanted was quiet. She grunted as Spice attempted to initiate conversation. They instantly regretted it as the black haired girl pouted, though her body didn’t seem to hold any tension or malice.

“Alright, I know what you need.”

Before they could question what that even meant and what the hell Spice was planning, she pulled them into her arms, leaning Luxx’s head on her shoulder as her hands became preoccupied stroking and being run through their head.

“If anyone else tried this I'd kill them.” She grumbled, though Spice just giggled in response.

“I know.” Spice chirped cheerfully, her relentless optimism making Luxx crack a small smile.

Thankfully Spice knew what to do. Now that she questioned it, Spice’s flipping on a dime was strange to say the least. How the hell did someone who got stressed out trying to figure out how much 3 items cost in a supermarket have so much emotional intelligence? It would be off putting if she wasn’t so warm, physically and emotionally. Seriously. Why did Spice’s cuddles always leave Luxx so relaxed? At last, their body gave in to fatigue, melting into Spice as she moved one arm to fall over Luxx’s back, circling small trails with her thumb.

It didn’t take long for Spice to notice the lack of movement in her friend. Truth be told, she’d noticed how tired Luxx looked the second their eyes met. She played dumb, knowing Luxx would end up letting her cuddle them to her heart's content and that was the easiest way to get her to rest.

—

Spice turned around as she felt a tug on her hand, Luxx looked down at the floor, as if making eye contact would make them combust.

“You think you could stay a little longer?” Her voice was quiet, tone not quite faltering but damn near close. Spice could feel the defeat in her, admitting to needing someone when she insisted she was fine alone. All the confidence and pride in the world meant nothing in that moment. Luxx finally glanced up, linking their eyes in a painful silence.

“You don’t have to. Fuck. Forget I said anything. It doesn’t matter.”

Spice didn’t speak, only moved back to Luxx’s bed and pulled them into a tight embrace. Luxx could only sit there speechless before letting themself fully relax into Spice. She was always the one to be affectionate and usually they just let her because it was fine. Not enjoyable, but fine. Right now though? She needed this. She needed Spice.

“Don’t try and deny it. You’re allowed to need someone. Let me take care of you this time.”

Something was different about Spice. Her usual thoughtless positivity was replaced by something a lot smarter. It wasn’t the first time Luxx had seen this shift, though it was the first time it was directed towards her.

She just did as Spice asked, knowing that she wouldn’t do anything wrong. Luxx let out a breath, leaning back into Spice as she pulled them down further into her arms. Somehow, only now did they notice how strong she could be. She always seemed so gentle and soft, someone Luxx wanted nothing more than to protect from anything and everything bad in the world.

Maybe it was the exhaustion, or the emotional vulnerability. But something felt different. There was an unspoken lack of boundaries, Spice content for whatever Luxx chose to do, letting her take control of the situation with a warm smile when she burrowed against her.

Luxx’s hands idly ran up and down Spice’s arms, that stayed wrapped around her waist. Soft hums accompanied the action, the black haired girl melting at the contact, squeezing them ever so tighter.

Something started to bubble up, threatening to break out of Luxx at any point. She hesitated, eyes darting down when Spice cocked her head to the side, analysing the sudden shift in their expression.

So many things she was trying to repress threatened to spill out. Her chest tightened, heart beginning to thud when things started to make sense and all of her awareness was placed squarely in the current situation.

“You’re so perfect.”

Luxx felt their body convulse as Spice spoke, stroking their hair away from their eyes as it fell in their face.

“You don’t have to be. I know you always want to be, but you are without even trying.” She continued, smiling softly as Luxx raised an eyebrow at her.

“You have everything anyone would ever need. You’re smart, pretty, you don’t let people step over you. Don’t think you have to work yourself to the brink just to be good enough. You are just by being you.” Spice’s tone was so genuine, dripping with so much affection when her eyes never left Luxx that they wondered if she’d been possessed. They wondered if this side of her was fleeting, if she’d be back to the girl who couldn’t sit for more than five minutes without mentioning dolls or getting sidetracked by the first interesting thing someone mentioned.

Spice’s presence was enough to put her at ease, Luxx just let out an agreeing hum into her chest, not quite trusting herself to speak. A warmth washed over her, replaying the sheer factual way Spice complimented her, like it was an everyday thing to comment positively on every aspect of someone’s being.

Sure, people called her pretty. People tried to flirt and lather Luxx with compliments they would shake off or just plain agree with. But the way Spice said it? Something deep within them melted when those sweet words came from her.

Time passed, soft whispers were exchanged between the two occasionally. Luxx’s brain was swimming, half asleep and wishing she could project her thoughts into Spice’s head without having to say a word.

“I love you.”

Before realisation could hit, Luxx had fallen asleep, leaving Spice reeling and ready to lose her mind over three little words. That’s a problem for another day though, Luxx finally resting was more important and sleeping with them in her arms was something she just wanted to enjoy for as long as possible.

[therosebudgirlwriter]

L.P.D Chapter 9 (The One Where They Actually Have A Mature Conversation)

totally forgot to post my new chapter on tumblr (apologies - I have a goldfish brain)

a big shoutout to @twigs_in_my_hair for helping me out big time!

here's the link to ao3 if you want, and here's the actual chapter lmao...

Simon

Ellie picks Rosie up on Monday. And she dropped her off this morning.

I just wish Baz would talk to me. I texted him like 16 times since I left his house. 

He read them. But he never responded.

When I called Penny yesterday she told me to stop messaging him.

Obviously, I did the opposite.

He didn’t even read those ones.

I’m about to text him again at lunch break when Mum finds me.

“Darling. What’s wrong? 

I go to speak, but she cuts me off.

“And don’t say nothing, I’m not blind.”

I sigh.

“I don’t know.”

She smiles sympathetically, and pats my shoulder.

“I’ve noticed that Basilton hasn’t been around since Monday morning. Does that have something to do with it, perhaps?”

I can’t find the words to respond, so I shrug at her.

“I thought so. Talk to him, my love. Everything will be fine.”

How does she always know what to say?

I wish I was more like that.

I force my thoughts to stop.

“Thanks Mum.”

She reaches up and strokes my cheek.

“No problem sweetheart. You two will be fine. I know it.”

Now I just have to hope that Baz comes.

Baz

Simon messaged me a few more times last night. I couldn’t even bring myself to read those ones. 

I know I’m being an asshole.

He hasn’t done anything wrong.

And Ellie’s right. I can’t ignore him forever.

For Rosie’s sake.

By the time I make it to the daycare centre, I’m 20 minutes late.

I didn’t mean to be.

I was distracted, thinking about what I should say to Simon, and I took a wrong turn.

I feel awful.

I do the world’s worst park, and run into the centre. (fucking mood - I hate parking)

I speed past the reception, turning towards Rosie’s room. 

Simon and Rosie aren’t in the corridor. They must be inside.

I peek through the window, to find Simon and Rosie on the floor. Simon’s reading her a book, pulling all these silly faces to make her giggle. 

I almost wish I could stand at the door forever. But I can’t.

Simon is the first to spot me.

He stops reading and stares at me, almost like he wasn’t expecting me to come.

Rosie follows his gaze up to me, before jumping up and sprinting towards me.

I grab her, just before she comes crashing into my legs.

Simon stays frozen on the floor.

My focus shifts back to Roo when she pulls my face towards hers.

“I missed you lots today Dad!” she whispers into my ear.

I whisper back the same thing and she giggles.

She wriggles around to face Simon.

“You okay Mr Simon? Your face looks all silly!”

That seems to snap Simon out of whatever weird trance he was in.

“Uhm, yeah… I’m all good Rosie,” he says, still staring at me.

We’re both just staring at each other, when the door behind us opens.

“Simon darling, why don’t you- oh.”

Simon’s mum stands in the doorway. Much like her son, she is staring at me.

Luckily, she snaps out of it, and smiles at me.

“Hello there, Basilton.”

I try to return her smile.

She must realise something is amiss, because she moves towards Roo and I.

“May I borrow little Miss Rosie for a second, Basilton, darling? I’d love her help to collect her painting from next door.”

Oh.

“Uh- yes, of course,” I say, placing Rosie down.

She runs and grabs Lucy’s outstretched hand.

“We’ll leave you two to it then,” Lucy says, as she and Rosie exit the room.

And she winks at us.

She winks.

Head reeling, I slowly turn back to face Simon, who looks just as confused as I feel.

I almost wish Ellie were here. 

At least she would know what to say.

I wish he would just say something.

Simon

I never know what to say with Baz.

So, like always, I blurt out the first thing that comes to mind.

“How’s your head?”

Shit. Baz looks confused, so I decide to keep blurting things out.

“Like, is it still sore after I tackled you? You fell pretty hard.”

Baz

You have no idea, Simon.

Simon

He doesn’t respond, so I push on.

“And I’m sorry if I overstayed my welcome by staying the night. Like, I really appreciate what you did, and I totally understand if you don’t want me to babysit Rosie anymore because you think I’m irresponsible…”

“Simon.”

 “...and honestly, I wouldn’t blame you, I would too, and I’m sorry I left super early, I didn’t mean to be rude, it’s just that I was supposed to meet my mum for breakfast, so she got super worried, and…”

“Simon.”

“...I know I shouldn’t have messaged you that much afterwards, you just didn’t respond, but I get that you probably want me to just leave you alone, I’m sorry, I got super nervous, because I thought we were maybe actually becoming friends, and I really enjoyed spending time with you, and…”

“ Simon.”

I look up, gasping for breath.

“I don’t think you’re irresponsible. Actually, I do, a bit, but you always have been.”

I go to speak but he cuts me off.

“And you’re right. Friday was… nice.”

I sigh in relief.

“So, you don’t want to kill me?”

He properly laughs at that.

“No more than I usually do.”

He glances down at his phone.

“I should go find Rosie. I don’t want to keep your mother waiting”

“Ah, right. See you tomorrow?”

He gives me a small little smile.

“Yes. I’ll see you then.”

He walks through the doorway, but pauses just before he rounds the corner.

“Oh, and Simon?”

“Yes?”

“Will I see you on Friday? Rosie somehow actually enjoyed the hot mess that was last Friday… and I guess I did too.”

“Yeah. I’ll see you then.”

He waves at me as he walks off.

Baz

The first thing I do when I round the corner is pull out my phone.

6 NEW MESSAGES: Ellie Hwaite

ok, you aren’t picking up your phone, so… 1) either you’ve died a horrible death or 2) you’re making out with your daughter’s kindergarten teacher. 

Very funny Eleanor.

HE’S ALIVE!!! 

so, which one was it?

Neither. But we did have a conversation.

And he said he enjoys my company.

told. you. so.

[spiralemoji]

Am i off my head?

I dont know whats wrong with me lately

Jesus Christ, total psycho…

Blah blah blah blah i literally don’t care, um

Guess I’m going to work in a radiology….

I’m so depressed because i found the best stuff for my stupid store and someone tried to cock block me

I need, to get that stuff.

I’m so mad. Like, you don’t understand it’s so stupid but its the fact it was taken away from me that matters

And i need to take pictures of the brand / manufacturer angry emoji

I took an Ativan so hopefully I’ll chill out and then maybe i can somehow sneak off to the store and everything will still be there???

I remember the items… i just DONT REMEMBER THE BRAND AND ITS IMPORTANT

BECAUSE IT FIT REALLY WELL AND IT WAS NICE MATERIAL AND ITS EVERYTHING I WAS LOOKING FOR

AND THEN I’M LIKE OH WELL GUESS I’LL INVENT SOMETHING NEW

BUT LIKE, EVERYTHING WAS PERFECT AND YOU RUINED IT SO YEAH AND THAT TOOK ME LIKE FIVE HOURS

AND I WAS GOING TO HAVE SO MANY HEAD BANDS

ANYWAYS AHHHHHHHHH I JUST NEED A SOURCING AI TO GIVE ME WHAT I WANT BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO SEARCH FOR IT FOR SEVEN HOURS AGAIN PLEASE LORD JESUS HELP ME AND THEN IT COMES IN THE MAIL AND ITS NOT THE EXACT SAME AND ITS NOT THE EXACT SAME PRICE

I JUST WANT TO GO TO TJ MAX

AND THEN I WANT TO GO TO TK MAX

AND HANG OUT WITH JORD, AND BY HANG OUT I MEAN, BECOME HER,

IS THAT, SO MUCH TO FUCKING ASK

OH BUT I SHOULD INVENT SOMETHING NEW AND APPRECIATE WHO YOU ARE BLAH BLAH BLAH

I DONT GIVE A FUCK I JUST WANT TO BE PRETTY AND LIKED IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK FOR

FUCK BUT I HAVE TO DEDICATE MY ENTIRE LIFE TO IT

MEANWHILE I CANT SPEND ANY TIME LIKE DOING ANYTHING ELSE LIKE

THERES ONLY SO MUCH ENERGY FOR ONE PERSON TO DO IN A DAY AND I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING ALL ON MY OWN

AND ITS JUST, TOO MUCH TO POSSIBLY MANAGE ‘FLAWLESSLY’ LIKE AND THEN ON TOP OF THAT YOU KNOW

YOUR MENTAL ILLNESS AND YOUR GOALS AND YOUR BLAH BLAH BLAH

THERES JUST SO MUCH STUPID SHIT TO FUCKING WORRY ABOUT AND I DON’T CARE ABOUT ANY OF IT

AND this tantrum is also because of being broken up with, i broke up with him, he still wants to be with me but i can’t tolerate it like I’m too annoyed and have to fix everything just for like 1 morsel of validation in the form of fucking me like thats not a relationship right so

Where the fuck is my super happy fulfilling relationship

And I’m just pretending to be happy and i go to church and sing songs and clap a long like yayayayay yeah love life1

Meanwhile everything is just…. Compiling like getting worse and worse everything getting worse and I’m like

And everyone else is fine

And i have to pretend to be fine

But its all just….. so frustrating

I can’t get it right like i can’t do anything right

And I’m abused and gaslighted and confused

And traumatized and fucked up

And i just want to slam my door so hard it comes off the hinges and the door frame around it breaks

I want to kill a futon

I want to punch and scratch and kick and scream into the floor and throw my shoes through glass windows

And tear everything apart my clothes, the kitchen, the glassses

I want to throw everything outside and light it ablaze in a big fucking fire i mean even the couch

And i just have to pretend to be calm and take a lot of pills that make my life suck more

So that I’m not so unstable that i scream and cry actually on the outside

And instead just have a whacked out brain on the inside

It’s like ‘oh ur mental illness is Maskable, so u should be fine’

And like that’s not how it works.

I have ocd do you know what that is even like

I have ptsd

Like

Holy fuck, if i don’t take my meds for 4 weeks, i turn into a ball rocking back and forth and sobbing

I don’t even KNOW about what

I can’t even hold my own MEMORY together and i dissociate

I can’t, keep track of myself like

I’m so disorganized, mentally my focus…

I’m a mess like, i can barely speak sometimes I’m so, tangled up in it

I’m not even crying right now I’m just stating the facts

And then I’m going to plainly eat dinner

And take a ride on the boat around winter park

And pretend like this is all i could of ever asked for

And pretend to be nice, and try not to show how depressed i am on the outside

Masking it with, overcompensatory happiness…

This time, just chill. Let’s just chill and, talk it through. And we’ll get there.

The thing is, everything is what they want me to do, and nothing is what i wanted to do

I am controlled like a sim in sims 4

It’s that bad

And i don’t know…. I’ve just been coping. But like,

I need, help like, i don’t know how to get out of the bind I’ve been in it is so long…

And then its like, okay once you get out like, what. Do you do then?

What do you give a fuck about then

Because before it was all about surviving like

How to i 180 out of survival mode and become like,

This brand new person that’s suddenly capable of so much, all my dreams and such

I had to witness them die in your hands, my dreams did

I watched my friends die

I sing about it with total rage and disgust, contempt,

Intense sorrow, tears come out sometimes.

I’m so angry all i can do is play a song, or sing a song

And people fucking clap along.

I just want peace i want to be left alone

I want everyone to shut up, you know

I want time to stand still

I want to correct my mistakes…

I want everything to be perfect as it should of been

Letting go of that childhood that could of been

Accepting the reality of what really happened

Is so very difficult

Halloween is triggering because it’s just a big reminder of childhood

And all the things that went horribly wrong, and i blamed myself for all of it.

Now my inner child wants to dance, wants to take part in all the things i missed out on

Being5, 8, 10, 12, and 15, and 21, and 25. You stole my life from me.

Trying to make me somebody else… set me free. From judgement.

Set me free. From the money.

Set me free.. my spirit inside.

Set me free from all my afflictions, addictions,

Tortured beguiled soul, rotten and discontent,

Set me free from my contempt

And mistakes, and emotions

I can’t believe another person tried me, after everything I’ve been through, demons keep showing up at my door

With smiling faces

When will there be somebody

Who i can trust

I feel like i am in the book of Eli, in the last days,

Carrying some secret book around

That no one understands

And only god is watching… as i wait for the years to pass by,

I pretend and parade another sharade

As i grow closer to, death

Being screwed over in the end

Just like alll the rest of us.

Life feels like a losing game you just can’t win

So i laid all my cards out the table, and forfeit.

People think I’m crazy, i swallowed a pair of dice, and spit them back out, in your whisky on the rocks

And told you to go fuck yourself, and wiped my mouth with your black tie

I hate you, skin dragging, sacks of shit,

Growing older, decaying, rotten in the dirt

Left to die

And what’d they leave us but a gassy decaying carcass

Fuck you and the comfortable death bed you rest on

I spit on your grave. You gave us nothing. And left me with everything to carry.

Fuck your flowers and mourning

My therapist wants me to cry about it

And get high about it,

Smoking weed and taking klonopin,

I could drink a bottle of red wine a night, it doesn’t matter to me nothing numbs the pain

I’m most often just trying to knock myself out

Your abuse and control is is loud

And im stuck, inside a tiny heart shaped box

Screaming to get out. Like cobain…

Silently loud,

All the symptoms are there.

It’s obvious, witnesses to bear.

How long do you think i can keep going like this.

[dionysusdarkdaughter]

The Monster in my House

The monster lives in my house. It mainly stays in the basement but sometimes I can hear it in the walls. Late into the night when everything is quiet and simple reflection takes over, I think about the past and how I can work through it to move forward. I think about how angry I feel and try to remind myself that it’s okay and we are safe now.

Thunk

A slight noise catches my attention but I disregard it figuring it came from outside or something normal. Reigning in my thoughts I think about how somethings are left undone. I didn’t want to do those tasks or I ran out of energy, nothing too important and it can wait until tomorrow.

Thunk

Ignoring the noise is easy this times and I change my thoughts to something else, the TV. Drowning myself in entertainment for the night I can almost relax and stop thinking. The TV is louder than any noise so it’s easy to ignore almost like there is no noise. There is no noise, the house is quiet aside from the talking on the screen. A craving for something sweet sets me off into the kitchen where I keep the candy. I can feel my mouth salivating and longing for a specific sweet.

Thud 

A sudden noise startles me and I look around thinking something fell but no, everything is in it’s place and undisturbed. What was I doing in the kitchen? Oh right candy, I don’t have what I’m craving so I find the next best thing and return to my room. The sweet, sugary taste is so delightful and I cant help but indulge the sensation! But the original craving remains and I make a mental note to pick up that candy when I go out next.

Creak 

I think I stepped on a weird floorboard so I continue to the room and get on my bed. The warm, inviting, soft bed is so… big and empty. Most nights I love having the extra room but tonight it feels… lonely. 

Scratch

I shake the thought from my mind and get comfortable, moving the pillows around to get the best feeling. The TV isn’t so fun anymore and I try to pay attention but it gets harder and harder. I wanted to watch this so why am I suddenly bored and uninterested?

Scratch… Scratch

I pull out my phone and get on social media to scroll through videos further numbing my brain. It helps for a little while to distract me. Distract from what? Why do I need a distraction, I’m not doing anything. Why do I feel anxious?

Scratch… Scratch…. Scratch

My teeth start grinding as I hear the scratches on the wall. My jaw is tense and I try to relax it. Have my shoulders been pulled tight this whole time? My mouth is salivating more than it should even though I finished my candy a while ago. What is that phantom taste?

Thump thump 

What is that low thumping sound? Should I be worried? No I’ll be okay. Just go back to brain numbing.

Thump thump thump

The thumping is louder and I can’t focus. My jaw hurts and my teeth are grinding again, I try to numb the pain but now the rest of me is tense and I feel anxious again. I just want some peace, away from the thoughts, away from the memories.

BANG BANG

It’s so loud in here, why is it so loud when I’m the only one here? Shut up, shut up, shut up! I need quiet! Covering my ears I beg for silence. My thoughts racing. Why did I let him hurt me? Why didn’t I walk away? I wasn’t strong enough. Why am I so lonely? The bed is so big tonight. I want to feel someones touch tonight. I want to have someones attention. No one loves me. No one will stay. I’ll be alone forever. Why can’t I just be better? Why did I do it? What’s wrong with me?

BANG… BANG… BANG

The noises are too much now! Make it stop I scream. I just want it to be quiet!

BANG BANG

Go away!

BANG BANG

I don’t want this! I don’t want to see you!

BANG BANG

The noise is getting louder and I squeeze my eyes shut hoping to somehow drown it out and make it go away. A feat I know is impossible but I have to try anyway. 

BANG BANG

It’s getting closer. Stop it I yell! Stop!

BANG BANG

Please just go away…

BANG BANG… You need me

No I don’t! I don’t need you, I don’t want you.

You need me, I’m the only one who can make it go away. 

I turned my head away from the monster but still keeping my eyes shut. I lowered my hands since I could hear his raspy voice regardless. He smelled so familiar with that alluring scent that no one else would understand. I could practically taste him he was so close. I had to resist, giving in would be the worst thing I could do. He would keep coming back and get stronger, meaner. I locked him in the basement so long ago that I thought he would stay there, the noises would be nothing but whispers. How did he get so strong and escape?

I can help you

Opening my eyes I saw his clawed hand reaching out, waiting for me to reciprocate. My hand slightly raised but I pulled back and now tears were falling from my eyes. You’re going to hurt me.

I’ve never hurt you, I only help. I can make it stop. I can make it quiet.

I want quiet… but-

You don’t have to do this alone. I can help. You know I can, just let go.

Let go?

Let go. Give in and I will make you feel better.

I want to feel better.

Remember all the times I helped you feel good?

I did feel good but after-

This time will be different.

Will it?

You’re better than before, you can handle it this time.

I am a lot better, aren’t I?

You won’t fall down this time.

I won’t fall down this time.

You are in control

I am in control.

You’ll know when to stop

I can stop it.

Take my hand

I’ll feel better after, I can do this, it’ll only be once. I can stop, I’m strong enough. The monster wraps his claws delicately around my hand and leads me to the basement. I close my eyes and enjoy the feeling of silence and numbness. I don’t have to think or feel or worry. It’s like I’m in a void and nothing hurts anymore. Why did I stop this? It feels so good. The feeling is instant and seems to last forever. Every time I feed the monster I feel better and better. 

The next morning I wake up and feel so out of it. My head hurts and I my stomach is turning. I feel so weak and like I’ve been in a fight. Who is this guy in my bed? What happened last night? Ugh my head is spinning. Then I see it, the calling card of the monster on my nightstand. There are still lines on the flat surface. Oh god… I let it win again. The guy wakes up and spots me. He remarks about how fun last night was and how we should do it again. He gives me a parting gift, says something about how I earned it but we passed out before enjoying it. He too has a calling card from the monster. The pain is overwhelming and I run to the bathroom before I puke on the floor. I need some water. The guy leaves as I gulp down my cold drink. I know I’ll probably see him again in a few nights. What do I do with what’s left? 

I can make you feel better

The monster lives in my house and he will never leave. He is chained to me forever and no matter where I go or what I do, I will always hear him in the back of my mind. Every noise he makes, I will hear it. Every time he whispers to me, I’ll know. The monster lives in my house and sometimes he is too strong to resist.

I will make it go away

[thesunshinebehindyourdestruction]

Where is the line between “allowing myself to feel my emotions” and “wallowing in depression”? Because every morning I wake up and the first thing on my mind is how he left me, how he loved his friends more than he loved me, how I was too much once again. And if I allow myself I’ll lie in bed for hours just thinking and thinking about those things. And to force the thoughts out of my brain I get up and do something to distract myself, but that’s not healthy either is it? Just ignoring the thoughts? I don’t know how to process. It’s either a constant barrage of “you fucked up, you’re not good enough, you’re unlovable” or it’s distracting myself completely and not allowing myself to feel. I’ll immerse myself in something else, I’ll read or I’ll watch tv or I’ll do something that takes my focus. Because if I allow myself to feel it all becomes too much, I just lay in bed not moving and feeling like a heap of garbage. Thinking about how I’ve never been loved properly, and the one time I was I fucked it up, justifying my behavior to myself and saying that if he really did love me he would have understood where I was coming from and been more patient with me while I worked on myself, but also chastising myself for even feeling how I did in the first place, for feeling like prioritizing his friends over me was wrong, for feeling like ignoring me for a whole day was wrong, for feeling like not wanting to spend time with me when he had the free time was wrong. But it all boils down to me not being good enough. It all adds up to me being unlovable, that I can try and try to fix myself but I’m broken beyond repair. I’ll always have depression and anxiety and I’ll always feel things intensely. I’ll always want to go to my partner when I’m struggling, and I’m always going to be struggling. Even if I did end up in another relationship, I would either rely on my partner too much again and they’ll leave, or I would try my hardest not to rely on them for anything so that I don’t burden them, and that would only lead to them feeling like I don’t trust them or something and they’ll leave. I can’t see the right way to do things. I’ll keep trying to work on myself, but either I’ll never be able to fix what’s wrong with me, or I’ll fix it years from now and by then it’ll be too late, I’ll be too old to start a life with someone. I just have to resign myself to the fact that I’m simply unlovable, that I’m always going to be alone. I’m not worth the trouble. I never have been, and I never will be. Being nonbinary severely limits my choices of who I can be with, and being traumatized and mentally ill and neurodivergent limits it even further as to who can put up with me. I just want to be loved wholly, as I am, and I know I’m not perfect and I’m trying my hardest to be better, but I know I’m always going to be a little fucked up and there are going to be elements of me that a partner would just have to put up with. And I’m just not worth that trouble.

So now I go back to distracting myself. I’ll watch some Torchwood until my appointment today, and then go to the library to pick up the next book in the series I’m working on, and read until my next appointment. I’ll stop myself from thinking, from feeling. What else am I supposed to do?