#there is a way this community uses this term that is so heavily abuse apologistic that it's

[foundfamilywhump]

day 100000 of me seeing a post about 'care/whumpers' and thinking 'that is literally just a whumper who is nice sometimes. you are literally just describing a whumper'

[diaryofafictive]

yknow as much as I dont think endogenic systems are real (I think they're real systems ofc, but I think they're in denial of trauma) I feel like a lot of traumagenic systems use the way endogenic systems describe their experiences as a justification to belittle eachothers trauma.

like, I had someone believe i was an endogenic supporter or apologist or wtv bc they asked if I believed you could make a system bc you were lonely, and my answer was uh yeah duh. neglect is really traumatizing, and just as valid a reason as any to develop a system. if your abusers were systematically isolating you it only makes sense that your brain would split alters for the purpose of keeping you company.

and can we not forget about the denial. why isn't anyone talking abt the denial! trauma denial was such a big problem for me when I was trying to make contact with the rest of my system because I'm not a trauma holder, and much like pretty much every victim of child abuse, the trauma I do remember was really heavily repressed and I didn't take it seriously because despite the fact that I was frustrated about not knowing why I was like this, I also didn't want to know that something bad had actually happened to me. like, I have literally spoken to so many systems who formerly identified as endogenic because they didn't want to accept the reality of their childhoods and their trauma holders didn't want to burst their bubble.

like I understand the animosity traumagenics have towards endogenics. I understand why most traumagenics take endogenics as invalidating their experiences, because pretty much all of the explanations of osddid hinge on the severity of the way childhood trauma impacts the brain. but like, idk just some of the shit I see you guys say abt endos is honestly kind of vile.

like so much of this community is built around having a safe space bc of all the harm we've been through in one way or another, so I feel like letting this antagonistic divide go on is just honestly going to make things worse. like, endo safe spaces pretty much affirm to eachother that they have no trauma and they don't have to address anything that could possibly disprove that. so like what are they gonna do when their alters try to tell them that there is trauma? probably just say smth along the lines of no ♡ because not only is having to come to terms with being traumatized inherently traumatic, but if they've only ever experienced hostility from the traumagenic community then why would they ever want to interact with them. and like, between protectors and ptsd and general wariness of anything that could be perceived as threatening, coming to terms with being traumagenic could be completely stopped if yall keep making endos believe you're gonna hurt them if they come in contact with you.

all in all you guys really need to treat eachother better, bc honestly if discovering you're a system means you meet the alters before you learn the trauma then I dont think we should be pressuring anyone into digging up literally the worst moments of their life to prove their validity.

like, on both sides we should just be able to accept that being a system means you have trauma, and if you don't know then you don't know. maybe you'll learn what it is as you make stronger bonds throughout your system, or maybe they'll have to wait for the body to physically be in a safer place before their brains let them recollect that shit. reminder that a lot of endo systems are young, so they probably don't know the trauma bc it would put them in more danger than if they were just kept in the dark. your system protects you, and if that means letting you live a life you believe to be trauma free, just let them have that.

and to endos, if it helps to let yourself as an alter believe that you've lived a trauma free life, then do so, but also be aware that your alters may have gone through things you haven't and try not to invalidate that. early on in my whole ✨did journey ✨ I pretty much became joined at the hip with an alter i later found out was like a major trauma holder, and not only did that explain a lot about her but it explained a lot about me and my attachment to her too. she split me as a protector when we were kids, so while I dont remember any of what happened I do know that for pretty much as long as I can remember being aware that trauma happens, I've also been embarrassingly aware of a really strong protective instinct that rlly only made sense to me when I found out that was literally like, my raison d'etre if you will. so yeah idk you don't have to dwell on it if you don't want to, many hosts are anps for the very purpose of maintaining a life unhindered by traumatic experiences until they get somewhere safe enough to process this shit. but let your alters feel like they can talk to you when they're upset. don't be afraid to dote on them (in all my experience of being a way over protective protector I've literally never absorbed trauma by helping the trauma holders calm down) because if you make them feel safe enough to talk to you they're more likely to let you in on what happened, and in the same way they're less likely to let you know if they feel like you won't believe them. and reminder that trauma isn't always like, the plot of an ari aster movie, what traumatizes children differs wildly from child to child, and there isn't anything that "couldn't possibly be traumatic" to a little kid. just like, be patient with yourself and try not to deny the possibility that anything could have ever traumatized you because you'll get enough of that from singlets.

anyways thats all ty for coming to my Ted talk