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mourntheantagonist · 3 years ago

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now that everything has been revealed, here’s my gift for @yikesharringrove for the @harringroveholidayexchange !! this was a blast to write and it’s my longest one shot to date!

There’s No Place Like Home for the Holidays

Rated: M

14.1k words

read on ao3

***

Steve stared from behind the counter through the glass doors at the mostly empty parking lot. It was late December, and yet, the sun still reflected off of windshields, blinding the few drivers who passed by. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky, bright blue and clear and… warm, to Steve, who was used to Decembers that sometimes bordered on the negatives. It was even hotter where he was standing. The heat inside the store had been cranked up past seventy because the local Texans were only built for the scorching summer temperatures.

Maybe three people in total had walked into the store since his shift started several hours before. It was a college town, so practically three-fourths of the population had already hightailed it back home for the break the moment finals were over. It was a desert by the time Steve worked his last shift. Nobody was stopping by the on campus coffee shop, so Steve couldn’t possibly rationalize why his manager insisted he needed to work through the holidays. It took a lot of convincing, and maybe a little bit of begging, for her to at least give him the last two weeks of December off so he could go home for Christmas and New Years like every other establishment had done for their out of state students. So Steve just stared back and forth between the door and the clock, just waiting for that small hand to hit four so he could start up his car and begin the long trip up the interstate. His car was already packed with his suitcase and duffel, along with a bag full of snacks for the drive. He didn’t plan on wasting a second before leaving.

It had been an exhausting couple of months. He’d taken a gap year, and in a moment of desperation with the realization that Robin would be leaving him at Family Video alone with Keith, he accepted his dad's offer and let him talk Steve’s way into Mr. Harrington’s alma mater. Steve didn’t feel ready for college, but he also wasn’t sure he’d ever feel ready for college. It was an entirely different animal. He couldn’t sweet talk his professors into giving him an extension like he was able to in highschool with a simple “pretty please”. It took getting to college and failing his first midterm for him to actually realize he had no clue how to study. He passed the semester, but he got lucky, and just being stuck in a town that was centered around education and college life created enough stress about his next semester. He was supposed to be on break. He was supposed to be at home, relaxing with a cup of hot chocolate by the fireplace.

Just a half an hour left.

Like clockwork, someone decided to walk in just before his shift was about to end. The same old guy who always showed up at the exact same time for his late afternoon coffee. He always ordered the same thing. A black coffee with an extra shot of espresso, no milk, no sugar, just coffee ordered with an attitude.

“You know what I want.” He said, slamming a five dollar bill on the counter. Steve just slid it into his hand and popped it in the cash register, sliding back two singles, a quarter, and two dimes.

“Any plans for the holidays?” Steve asked as he started pouring the coffee into a cup. Normally, he wouldn’t entertain the assholes who walked through that door, he’d just ring them up to avoid any extra lip, but he actually enjoyed their little banter, and even more so, watching as he shoved the change he just got back directly into his tip jar.

“No. Now would you hurry it up? I got places to be.”

“Oh come on now sir, there’s gotta be something you’re doing.” Steve said, slowly putting the lid on the cup, drawing the time out for just a little bit of fun. “Someone’s gotta be attracted to your lovely attitude.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. What about you? It’s almost Christmas and you’re the last kid on campus. Were you on the naughty list, and that’s why you’re stuck slinging coffee for minimum wage?”

“I’m out of here the second you’re out of here. Got a long ride back to Indiana.” Steve pointed to the beemer sitting right outside the door.

“In that thing?” He looked at Steve incredulously. “Have you not heard about the blizzard hitting the entire Midwest?”

“Wow, I never thought I’d see the day that you were actually concerned about another person’s well being.” The man just scoffed and grabbed his coffee out of Steve’s hand. He slipped the drink cozy off and threw it into the garbage, like he didn’t have feeling in his hands. Steve huffed a laugh. “I can handle a little snow.”

“Yeah, okay, kid.” He just walked right to the door without so much as a goodbye, or “good luck”, or even a “don’t die.”

“Happy Holidays.” Steve said right before the doors closed, but he didn’t even get so much as a hand waving him off or even the flip of the bird as a response.

So much for the Christmas spirit.

But Steve didn’t mind. It was already just after four, so he immediately ripped off his apron and hung it on his hook in the back. He gave a quick goodbye to his manager and clocked out, his whole exit only taking roughly two minutes. All he had left to do was get in his car, pull out his map from the glove box, and put his key in the ignition.

All he had left to do was hear that engine roar to life.

There was no roar.

Just a rapid clicking noise that was most certainly not music to his ears.

Steve just tried again. Same thing.

“Oh, come on!”

He tried again. And again. And again… which was a huge mistake made evident when he started to see the black smoke wafting up from the hood of the car. His life flashed before his eyes and for a moment, he was just left there staring through the windshield as the black smoke entered the atmosphere above. When the realization finally set in, his fist met the center of his steering wheel with a loud thump and the setting off of his car's horn.

“Shit!” Steve got out of the car and slammed the door shut. “God dammit!” He threw his head back and stared up at the sky. Finding nothing, he looked at that coffee shop with rage, and he was filled with even more rage when he saw that the old man was still there in the parking lot, looking at him and laughing.

“Couldn’t even get it to leave the parking lot, huh?” the man asked, and Steve just rolled his eyes and silently asked the universe what the hell he was supposed to do. He crossed his arms over each other and rested them on the hood of the car, letting his head rest on top of them like a pillow to soothe his growing migraine. “Hey kid!” It was the man’s voice again, why wouldn’t he just leave already? Steve could have sworn he said he had ‘places to be’. “Go check transportation services. M’sure there’s gotta be a flight available.”

Steve just shut his eyes and sighed, unable to see as the man from before finally walked off, leaving him standing by himself in the empty parking lot.

Steve defeatedly threw on his jacket, and started walking.

***

Transportation Services of course was located on the complete other end of campus, all the way uphill, and both his calves and lungs were screaming at him by the time he reached the door, making it just minutes before they would close.

The girl behind the desk had her feet kicked up on the counter and was just staring at the clock on the wall, completely oblivious of Steve who stood right above her, waiting for her to direct her attention towards him. She groaned the second she finally looked his way.

He couldn’t blame her. He was the same way not even thirty minutes earlier. That was something they both had in common.

They wanted the fuck out of here.

“I need a flight.” Steve said, hitting his hands on the counter a little too loudly for the quiet stillness of the area they were occupying.

“Of course you do.” she shot back, and spun in her chair towards the big bulky computer beside her. “Where do you wanna go? Hawaii? Cali?”

“Indiana.” he said, “Please.”

She just rolled her eyes and started tapping away at her keyboard, and Steve instantly noticed the way her eyes widened when she hit enter.

“What?” he asked, his whole body leaning over the counter to try to get a look at the screen.

“All flights into and out of Indiana are grounded because of the storm.” she said it with a laugh, which just annoyed Steve further.

Steve groaned and rolled his eyes. “What about Chicago?” he asked.

She tapped away at her keyboard once again, the same smug expression on her face like she was getting off on Steve’s misfortune. “Nope.”

Steve took a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves and his unwavering desire to start screaming. “Okay,” he said through clenched teeth, “what is the closest you can get me to Indiana?”

She came up with an answer quickly, as if she was already prepared to answer that question. “I can get you a flight into Memphis tomorrow morning, or Kansas City tonight.”

“So basically you can only get me halfway.”

“I don’t control the weather asshole.” she said, swiveling her chair back to face the clock again, “dude, I was supposed to clock out five minutes ago so do you need a ticket or not?”

Steve rubbed his eyes, trying to figure out some way out of this situation. No way were his parents going to drive several hours out of their way to bring him home from an airport multiple states away, and no way was he going to afford the cab fare to cover that distance.

“Are there any other options?” he asked, his exhaustion clear in his voice.

“The next train up north doesn’t leave until after christmas,” she said. So that was a no then. “You really should have thought about this sooner. It’s the holiday season.”

“Well I didn’t exactly anticipate that my car would break down just as I was about to leave.” He was getting a little snarky. Like an old lady who didn’t have her coffee made correctly in the shop, and he was starting to understand their frustration. He just wanted to go home, and apparently, there was nobody that could help him. “Sorry,” he said, “It’s not your fault. Merry Christmas.”

Just as he was about to walk out those doors, the bell above already chiming away, she stopped him.

“Wait!” She called, “It’s a long shot, but we have a list of people who are willing to carpool posted in the back. Maybe someone is passing through who can give you a ride.”

Steve stopped dead, hand still propping open the door letting the seventy three degree indoor heat out into the outside air. This was Texas. He could reasonably think that maybe there would be someone driving southeast towards Louisiana or Mississippi, or north towards Oklahoma, or even west towards California, but for the most part, the people at this school were in state, and he couldn’t reasonably expect that someone would be scaling the country up into the Midwest.

It would just be another disappointment to add to the long list, but Steve was out of options, so what’s another?

“Show me.” He said, and she pointed behind herself, a small clipboard hung on the bulletin board with a pink slip of paper with a fairly long list of names. The list showed the location they were going to, the day they were leaving, and how many people they could take.

Steve dragged his finger down the list, focusing just on their destination. He saw city after city that was just in Texas alone, occasionally stumbling upon something out of the ordinary like Florida or Virginia, but nothing that would help him. He found one Chicago, but they left a week earlier so he could just scratch that off the list.

He was starting to lose hope the further down the list he made it, and there were only about five names left until he saw it.

Kevin Richards / Detroit, MI / Dec. 23rd / 2 passengers

Steve frantically grabbed a sticky note and a pen and jotted down the number next to the name and ran to the phone booth outside, giving a quick thank you to the girl behind the counter who was already packing up to leave.

Through shaky fingers he dialed the number, saying silent prayers that this would actually work, that he’d actually get to go home.

“Hello?” The voice came over the other end after just three rings.

“Hello, um, is this Kevin?”

“Yeah, this is him. What’s up?”

Steve twirled the cord around his finger, “Hi uh, my name is Steve, I saw on the carpool list that you were headed to Detroit tomorrow,” he said, “anyway you think you could drop me off in Indiana? My hometown is on route to Detroit.”

The guy on the other end laughed.

“What is it?” Steve asked, because it was kind of hysterical sounding.

“Sorry, sorry. Yes I can take you. In fact the other guy I’m taking is also going to Indiana, that’s why I was laughing.”

Steve was laughing too now, but more so in relief. “Well that’s lucky.” Steve said, “What time are we leaving, then, and where should I meet you guys?”

“I live at the Theta Chi house, so if you want, you can meet us there at nine.”

Oh god. A frat guy.

“Yeah, sure thing.” Steve said, knowing he wasn’t allowed to be picky anymore, “I’ll see you then, and thank you so much.”

Steve hung up the phone, and walked the long trek back to his dorm room on the other side of campus.

It’s just going to be two days.

What could go wrong?

***

Steve walked with his heavy suitcase all the way to Greek row, very thankful for the fact that the area was mostly dead and he didn’t have to feel too out of place walking by each house with Greek letters displayed out front in cult fashion.

He was kind of jealous walking through seeing all of the amenities these guys got. There was a pizza joint and a donut shop just twenty feet from their front door, while the most Steve got without having to walk an unreasonable distance was the dining hall, where styrofoam and rubber were the first ingredients.

That reminded him, he was hungry. He packed a few snacks for the road before he left, just whatever he could find left in his snack drawer back in his dorm, but not enough to last him more than a day. He was going to have to ration the best he could.

He finally made it to the house with the rusting gutters and the red trim and saw just one car parked outside.

It was a two door Honda Civic that looked like it had been through the ringer. He had a split second of hope that Kevin had his car parked elsewhere, a hope that quickly disappeared once he saw two guys walk out of the front door and begin throwing their bags into the small trunk.

“Hey! You Steve?” One of them asked.

Steve just stood there awkwardly with his suitcase in hand. “Yeah. Kevin?”

“In the flesh,” he said back. His whole demeanor screamed frat boy. He wore his frat shirts like a cross around his neck. “This is my little brother Theo.” he pointed to the guy standing next to him. Steve had initially assumed that was the friend he was talking about. Apparently not. “Go ahead and put your stuff in the back, Billy will be down in a second.”

The name didn’t quite register. It was a common enough name. He was more focused on the fact that he was going to be cramped in a tiny car for two days with three other people, a car that was unfairly still running while his car wasn't, against all apparent odds.

He just reminded himself of how lucky he was to not have to spend the holidays holed up inside of his tiny dorm room, eating fast food for Christmas dinner, in the loneliness of college town Texas. He went ahead and shoved his suitcase in with the rest of their stuff, thankfully leaving his duffel back in his room because it was just inches away from leaving the trunk unable to close, and he took his seat in the back, having to crawl his way inside through the driver's door.

The name Billy didn’t set off any alarms until he looked over as the person in question took a seat right beside him in the back, right there, in all his mullet and denim wearing glory.

“Hargrove?” Steve asked, eyes wide in disbelief.

“Harrington?” Billy’s eyes matched his own. It was like they were both collectively just looking at ghosts of their past.

“You two know each other?” Kevin asked, just about ready to start up the car. “Small world.” He was completely oblivious to how they were staring at each other with a concerning mix of rage and fear behind their eyes.

“We went to high school together.” Billy finally said, not once letting his gaze leave Steve.

That was an understatement and a definite omission of the truth. Steve could absolutely just go into everything right there. He could mention the teasing on the court or the brutal beating that night at the Byers. He could dig up that hatchet if he wanted to.

But instead he just stared at Billy, and let the tension build some more.

“Ookay,” Kevin said, revving the car to life after finally catching a glimpse of the staring contest happening in his backseat, “don’t kill each other back there please. I don’t want any blood on the upholstery.”

The tension seemed to only die down when Theo, his brother, turned on the stereo and Abba started playing, to which Kevin quickly hit eject and pretended like nothing happened.

Steve just scooted his body as close to the door as possible, and as far away from Billy, and rested his head against the cold glass to try to sleep.

It was going to be fine.

It was only two days.

***

Steve woke up just an hour into the drive to the feeling of his stomach growling, aching for food. He looked over to his left and saw Billy still sitting there, wide awake just peering out the window at the complete nothingness that they drove by. Just fields of grass with little farmhouses that hid in the distance, nothing special, nothing he should be that enthralled by.

Steve just shrugged it off and grabbed the small plastic bag he had tucked underneath his seat and pulled out a small bag of chips, the perfect balanced breakfast. There was no music playing. The car was silent save for the road noise, and there was no talking up front seeing as Theo was asleep up there with his feet kicked up on the dashboard.

Hopefully Kevin was doing alright up there. Steve knew that he himself had to blast the music in his car and loudly sing along in order to maintain consciousness during long drives like this one.

Steve opened the bag of chips, quietly as possible so as not to disturb the rest of the cabin, but each crinkle of the bag and every chew was just so loud. So loud that it pulled Billy out of whatever trance had him so deeply invested in each blade of grass that grew on the long path from Texas to Arkansas.

He just stared at the bag like he was scared. There was something different. It was in his eyes.

He remembered those eyes. He saw them up close and personal that night at the Byers House. Those circles of blue were just dead looking at him, like there was a disconnect inside of him. His fists operated on sheer autopilot by impulses firing inside his brain and Steve remembers it like a scene on infinite replay. He remembers every blurry shot of Billy on top of him that he could get when there was nothing more left inside of him to fight back.

It was the one thing that made it so easy not to find him after he was all healed up and go for round two.

That look in those eyes. That look that told a different story than what his words and fists continued to spout at him.

A story he had no interest in hearing about.

So he just stayed away.

The look was different now, and he couldn’t explain why, but something about it had him holding out the bag of chips towards him as a peace offering.

“Do you want some?” he asked.

Billy smiled. He smiled . Steve was convinced in all of those short months of knowing Billy, seeing him walk through the halls, seeing him on the court, he’d only seen him flash his teeth. It was always a grin, never a smile. Nothing so coy and soft like he was giving him right then and it was so fucking weird. Billy reached into the bag and pulled out just a singular chip. “Thanks,” he said.

Steve just shook it off. He went back to eating his non-meal and turned his body away, looking out the window out at the empty fields of grass, hoping that maybe something in the vast of dark green he would find an answer to whatever it was in those eyes that caused the strange feeling in his gut that for the first time gave him a want to hear the story Billy had to tell.

***

It was about five hours into the trip when they finally arrived at the “Leaving Texas” sign. Steve always forgot just how large Texas was, so used to making day trips across state lines to Chicago as a kid just for fun. With the four of them all actually being awake for the last hour, conversation finally started happening.

Kevin explained how he and Billy knew each other. Apparently they were something called Big and Little, and apparently Billy was in a frat.

Steve wasn’t sure why that was so surprising.

Kevin did most of the talking actually. The only time Steve ever really spoke was when a question was directed towards him, and even then it was always just a simple answer lacking detail.

Not once was anything he said directed towards Billy, and vice versa.

But Steve caught a few glimpses of the way Billy’s fists clenched in his lap, knuckles turning white and masking healed scars. He saw Billy looking over at him when he thought Steve wasn’t aware, probably staring daggers at him, studying him like prey. That was where it went from the awkward silence back to that tension from before, where just the thought of being so close, within arms reach, made it harder to breathe.

It was just as they were passing the next sign, the one that read “Welcome to Arkansas” in big bold lettering, that Kevin began drumming his fingers on the steering wheel, preparing to ask the question that would alter the trajectory of the trip.

“Okay, change of plans.” he said, looking at the two of them sitting in the backseat. “What do you say we all take shifts and we straight shot this shit? I don’t really want to stop at a motel if we don’t have to.”

Steve was antsy to get home. Antsy to get out of this confined space with Billy, and if that meant just fourteen straight hours, less than a day, he was all for it.

Steve and Billy both just nodded their heads in agreement, a little too quickly and excitedly, seemingly on the same page in more ways than one.

It made sense. That look in Billy’s eyes the moment they saw each other in the car for the first time was not inviting. The tension was almost making Steve sick.

“Alright! Sounds like a plan.” Kevin said, “Theo can switch me out right now, and once he gets tired, the two of you can sit up front, one of you as the navigator. Then switch.”

Wow. Great plan. Great fucking plan.

While Kevin pulled over to switch seats, Steve just got comfortable, or as comfortable as he could get with his legs smashed between the seats, and tried to fall back asleep to savor at least a few hours of solitude outside of this Hell he’s officially trapped in.

***

When Steve woke up, it was already dark outside. It wasn’t late, it was barely evening, but the winter sunset always came way too early, and sunlight was scarce.

The issue wasn’t that it was dark, it was a factor, sure, but the real issue outside was the fact that he was getting a front row seat as to why all of those flights had been grounded.

There was snow everywhere. It was a thick white blanket that the headlights reflected off, making it just a tad bit easier to see in the darkness.

“Holy shit.” Steve said. They were barely out of Arkansas and the blizzard would only get worse the further north they went. “Shit.” he repeated.

“Relax dude,” Theo said from the driver's seat. Kevin was fully passed out in the passenger seat, failing at fulfilling his role as both navigator and older brother. “I’m from Detroit. I know how to drive in the snow.”

“Do you have chains on?” Steve asked, and instantly the situation grew much more concerning when he saw his eyes widen in the rear view mirror.

“Okay,” Theo said, “to be fair, I usually just don’t drive when it’s snowing out.”

“Dude!” Steve’s loudness wound up waking everyone else in the car up, and suddenly the rest of the car was just as concerned about the snow as Steve was, and as concerned as Theo should have been.

“Theo! Why didn’t you wake me up when it started to snow!?” Kevin asked.

“Quit treating me like I’m a child, I’m eighteen, jackass.”

Kevin just put his palm to his face, exactly what Steve wanted to do at that moment. “Just pull the damn car over. We at least need some traction if we’re going to drive through this, idiot.”

Theo groaned and jerked the steering wheel, slipping and sliding on a patch of ice sending the car into a momentary state of panic before they surprisingly wound up perfectly parked on the side of the road, and not in the ditch just three feet away.

Kevin got out of the car and started rummaging through the trunk until Steve heard the clanking of chains in his grasp. “Y’all wanna take a tire so we can get this done quickly?” he asked. “It’s fucking freezing out here.”

Steve just braced himself for the cold and got out of the car without answer, having to climb over the front seat like it was some kind of obstacle course. He just went straight over to Kevin and took one of the chains from his hands and began working on the front left tire, ignoring the sharp pain in his knees as they sunk into the snow below him and the ice soaked through his jeans, and battling through his shaky gloveless hands, reminding himself that he’d be able to warm himself back up once they got themselves back onto the road.

Billy was slower to react, hesitantly getting out of the car, actually taking the time to lower the seat so he didn’t hit his knee on the gearshift like Steve had, and taking another one of the chains, hovering over Steve and watching what he was doing.

“What are you doing?” Steve asked once he noticed the shadow over his shoulder.

“Nothing.” Billy said, he just knelt down by the back tire and started copying Steve’s movements.

Steve had already finished the first part of chaining up and was waiting for the rest of them to be ready. While Kevin was already starting the work on his second tire. Billy was still there fiddling with the chain.

“Need help?” Steve asked, surprisingly, not only because he wanted to get out of there.

Billy just looked up at Steve and nervously laughed. “I’m from California, dude, I have no idea how to do this.”

“Clearly.” Steve said, “for starters, if we leave it like that we’re gonna run over the hooks and probably pop a tire.”

Instead of taking the reins and just telling Billy to get back in the car, something came over him and suddenly he was back down on his knees, fully explaining and demonstrating to Billy how to put on snow chains like all of that percieved hostility that made sitting in the car with him like being trapped in a jail cell with a murderer dissipate into a more cordial arrangement.

And then there was that smile again.

That same smile he saw earlier that had confused him so much it made him sick to his stomach.

Steve had to pull his attention away with brute force. He was locked in and only the sound of Kevin’s hands clapping together was enough force to bring him back.

“Alright Theo, pull forward,” Kevin said, “slowly.”

***

That moment in the snow wouldn’t be the last time they wound up on the side of the road.

It was Steve behind the wheel this time. The brothers were snoring in the backseat while Billy was up front with his head buried in the map, as if they were going to need it. They basically just had to stay on the same road for the next five hours.

The snow had been getting worse, which meant they were traveling a lot slower than they should be, at least twenty miles below the limit. The roads became increasingly less clear, and it was incredibly lonely out on the open road. They would only ever come across headlights once or twice, because nobody except Kevin’s car of morons was dumb enough to be driving in these conditions.

Steve was struggling to stay awake as he drove. The only sounds he was able to get over the radio was static, and Kevin’s music collection was suffice to say, subpar. He wasn’t even really that tired, it was just the mere boredom of it all, only able to see a ten foot maximum distance in front of him, nothing pretty to look at, nothing to make his eyes want to remain open and alert.

“You okay?” it was Billy’s voice. The first sound he’s heard since getting behind the wheel other than the road noise and the snores in the backseat. “You looked like you were nodding off for a second.”

“I’m good,” Steve replied, “just bored.”

Billy didn’t say anything else. He was quiet. He was extremely quiet. The entire drive thus far he had maybe said less than a hundred words and it was so unlike the Billy he had first met just a little over a year ago. It was like he was drained of all that charisma he so easily exuded, dried up, left to simply exist in silence.

Steve was bored. Steve liked to talk. And Billy was right there.

“Why did you choose Texas?”

Billy looked at him, eyes wide for just a second before falling shut. “I wanted to get away.” he said.

Steve stared out the window. “I would have thought you would go back to California though.”

Billy paused and bit his lip, “Texas gave me a full ride.” he said, “I wouldn’t have been able to afford Cali.”

“Wow.” Steve said, unconsciously. Billy would have been the last person he would have expected to be offered a full ride. He thought Billy was just as dumb as he was.

“What about you?”

They were talking now, and somehow, it was becoming less and less weird. It almost felt natural. Maybe those white knuckles from before had no intention of hitting him in the face, maybe the fact that those scars were healed should have told him something.

Steve sighed. “It’s my dad’s alma mater.” he said, omitting the details about how he was rejected from every school he applied to and the only reason he wound up getting a spot was from his dad’s money pulling the strings. He just left it at that.

“Cool.” Billy said, rubbing his hands together in his lap, and it just made everything so much weirder. Something was off. The Billy he remembered would have made some jab about simply going where his dad had gone. He at least had expected some insult to roll off the tongue like second nature, but instead he just got a weak little “cool.” The guy he was sitting next to in this car was a complete stranger. A stranger that was oddly so intriguing .

Maybe Billy wasn’t angry that Steve was in the car with him, maybe it just made him nervous.

“Why go back then?” Steve asked, white-knuckling the steering wheel as he said it.

Maybe it was just Steve who was angry.

“Huh?”

“You said you wanted to get away,” he explained, knowing he was venturing into unsafe territory despite his realization that everything might not be so black and white, just relying on the simple fact that one wrong move could send the whole car into oncoming traffic as his safeguard if he was wrong, “so why are you going back?”

Billy froze. “I-I don’t…”

Billy was cut off, but he would have trailed off into silence either way and it was only because of his own combined fortune and misfortune that the old Honda Civic that had gotten them this far had finally started lurching and chugging.

“What the fuck?” Steve said, gently pumping his foot on the gas to see if that would fix the issue, but the car kept lurching and making that weird noise and Steve blamed it all on the car not being equipped for the snow until he finally tore his eyes away from the road and down to the fuel gauge… just as the car shut off.

Empty.

“Shit!” Steve shouted, slamming his hands on the steering wheel as he carefully pulled the car over onto the side of the road, the bumps in the snow eventually jolting the backseat awake. “We’re out of gas.”

“What?” a tired Kevin asked from the backseat, “why didn’t you stop to fill up?!”

Honestly, he was so deep in his own thoughts and desires to just get home, out of this uncomfortable situation, out of the deep snow that they were riddled with that he didn’t even think about it. “I thought Theo would have filled it up earlier!” Steve defended himself.

“I did!” he said, “I put five dollars in the tank!”

“Only five dollars!?” Kevin shifted his attention towards his little brother, “That’s not even five gallons!”

“Well sorry that I thought this guy would have the brain to check the fuel gauge every once in a while!”

Suddenly there was an argument going on in the backseat, two bickering brothers getting themselves no closer to a solution.

“Hey! Guys!!” Billy finally spoke up. “Shut the fuck up!”

The car instantly grew silent. There was a power to Billy’s voice that not many had. A power to call the attention of an entire room, it was bound to work on just the three other people in the small cubic space.

“What do we do?” Steve asked, his voice calm, trying to avoid starting any more arguments. “There’s got to be a gas station around here somewhere.”

Billy began messing with the big map in his hands, “Okay,” he said, clearly thinking out loud, “I’m pretty sure we just passed this road right here,” he pointed at it as he spoke, “which means we’re maybe half a mile hike to the next town.”

“Well, then we better start walking now so we make it back before sun up.” Kevin said, and Theo groaned. “Shut up we’re all going. There’s no way to contact the car if something goes wrong.”

“Fine.”

The inside of the car had already started to grow cold with the lack of heat blowing into the car, allowing the freezing outside temperatures to come inside. Steve didn’t want to think about what the obvious strong winds would do to him the moment he stepped out that door, but he guessed he deserved it, he was the reason they were stuck in this position, after all.

The four of them all climbed their way out of the car and into the freezing cold blizzard that they were warned about, completely underdressed. Steve quickly took to the trunk of the car and pried open his suitcase and just started adding layer after layer, and the rest of them followed suit.

Everyone except Billy, who just grabbed his backpack and shoved his hands into his jacket pockets and shivered in the wind.

“Bill, you’re gonna freeze to death,” Kevin said, wrapping a second scarf around his neck, “put on a coat idiot.”

“This is the warmest thing I got, I didn’t pack any clothes.”

“You didn’t pack clothes?” Theo questioned. “What were you planning on wearing for the next couple of weeks?”

“I still have clothes back at home to wear.”

All three of them collectively rolled their eyes, but it was Steve who started just throwing clothes at him. “Put these on,” he said, “I’m not really in the mood to have to lug your frozen corpse around.”

Steve threw a scarf, a hat, and a hoodie, thinking nothing of it when the hoodie in question had his name written on the back, thinking nothing of what those implications could mean. Only taking note of the way Billy paused and stared at it for a few seconds before putting it on and writing it off as just another odd thing.

“Alright, let’s go while we can still feel our fingers.” Kevin said, pointing an aforementioned finger north up the road.

“You can still feel your fingers?” Theo asked.

It was going to be a long hike.

***

They decided they would go inside the first building they came across that had a light on, and, fortunately enough for them, it was a motel.

“I can’t feel my toes,” Theo whined, “I think they fell off.”

“You wouldn’t be able to walk, dumbass,” Kevin shot back.

Steve just lengthened his strides and picked up his pace, having no intention to stay back with the group knowing that a heated room awaited them just a hundred feet away. A room and a blanket and the ability to strip himself of his soaking wet clothes.

He walked into the lobby, the remaining three following suit, all four of them tracking in snow and debris and letting the cold winds travel inside. Steve walked up to the counter.The man behind it was sleeping. Steve rang the bell with shaky hands, over and done with being polite.

The man shook himself awake and rubbed at his eyes. “Shit,” he said, “my bad.”

“We need a room.” Steve said, gesturing to the other three members of their party. They were shivering, the tips of their noses turning blue.

“You guys get stranded?” the guy asked, looking around at the scene of hands rubbing together and chattering teeth. “You’re in luck,” he said, slowly moving himself to the back wall where he grabbed two sets of keys, “we still have one room left, two beds.”

Kevin walked himself over to the counter before Steve could speak, “That’s perfect,” he said, “how much?”

“Twenty for the night. Check out at eleven.”

Kevin just quickly pulled two ten dollar bills out of his wallet and slid them onto the counter and yanked away the keys from his hands, “You know where a gas station is around here?”

“The closest one is probably a five minute walk from here,” he said, pointing up the road they were just walking along, “the Shell. There’s a food mart there as well.”

Kevin just nodded his head and looked at the keys for the room number, heading back outside into the raging blizzard in hopes of quickly finding it.

The four of them just barreled into the room as soon as the door was unlocked and opened, rejoicing in the warm heat coming out of the vents. They all instantly began stripping themselves of their wet layers and grabbed everything that could be considered a blanket out from the linen closet.

By the end of it there was just a pile of clothes laying in the corner of the room on top of the vent so they would dry.

“I know we agreed on doing a straight-shot,” Steve said, “but I think we should just stay the night and head back out in the morning when it’s warmer.”

Everyone just nodded their heads, noting the time on the clock reading nine pm. They had been out on the road for twelve hours.

There were only two beds.

Kevin and Theo took one, Billy took the other…

And Steve just opted to sleep on the cot.

***

Steve slept in late. Surprisingly, he got a hell of a long night's sleep considering his back was aching from the complete lack of support the cot provided. When he woke up, he could hear the sound of the shower going, and he could see the bright sunlight peeking in through the translucent curtains. When he got up, he noticed that both beds were empty, and there was a discarded note sitting on the nightstand.

Steve picked it up and read it, wiping the sleep from his eyes so he could see better.

Went out to get gas and food. We’ll be back in a bit. - Theo & Kevin

With the sound of the shower shutting off and the bathroom door opening and closing, Steve was met face to face with his current predicament.

Billy Hargrove was standing there in nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist. He was alone. With Billy. In a hotel room. One that likely has seen a murder or two in its day.

They were just staring at each other again. They did that a lot. Steve was unable to look away, unable to speak or even move a muscle. Not a clue as to why. The fear was deep in Steve’s muscles, and he knew why he was scared. He knew why he was so uncomfortable in Billy’s presence. But he had no idea why Billy was too. He had no idea why Billy was so visibly unable to breathe.

“Sorry…” Billy said, voice shaky, coming out of his mouth at a volume just barely above a whisper, “I’ll get dressed.”

Steve barely registered that he was just standing there staring at Billy, practically naked, and instantly turned away when Billy spoke, realizing that he just made the situation ten times more awkward.

The time on the clock read ten in the morning. They easily still had another five hour trip ahead of them just to get into Indiana, at least that meant they would make it into town before sundown. Steve hadn’t even registered that it was Christmas Eve.

Steve walked over to the window while he could still hear Billy pulling on his clothes. It was bad outside. The snow had fully covered the cars in the parking lot just overnight, it had to have snowed at minimum another six inches just while they were asleep.

Maybe it would take a little longer than five hours.

“Do you know what time they left?” Steve asked, still with his back turned to Billy.

“Uh, they left around nine.” He said, “they should probably be back soon so we can hike back to the car and fill it up.”

Steve took a seat on the bed. “Good.”

He heard the sound of a zipper and then Billy spoke up again. “You can…” he started, “you can turn around now.”

Steve turned around expecting to see Billy fully dressed, but instead he turned around to see him still shirtless, just this time wearing jeans. It was hardly the first time he had ever seen his bare chest. Billy wasn’t ever known for using every button on a shirt, and in those situations he never felt weird or uncomfortable, not like he did now. Alone in a room with Billy, it felt vulnerable and intimate… he felt ill.

“I’m gonna go take a shower.” Steve said.

Billy just nodded and Steve didn’t acknowledge him further before passing him by and locking the door behind him, noticing that once he was stripped out of his own clothes, pants dropped to the ground, that the feeling in his gut wasn’t illness at all.

It was something known about himself. Being away at college gave him opportunities and options that Hawkins never had the ability to provide. He was able to experience things for the first time that he never would have thought to be a reality for himself. For just one semester away at school he found himself sneaking quite a few guys peppered in with the girls in and out of his dorm room at three in the morning.

But this was Billy. There might have been a time initially, when they had first met that he looked at Billy that way, but that all changed the second he woke up in the backseat of that car with every point on his body stinging in pain as the realization of what had just happened finally set in. The realization that it hadn’t just been one terrifying nightmare.

Steve just wrote it all off as just an effect of the morning, and hopped in the shower to just get it out of his system, thinking about the guy on the other side of that door and cursing himself for it.

***

By the time Steve got out of the shower, it was a quarter to eleven, and Kevin and his brother still weren’t back yet.

Steve put his clothes on behind the privacy of the bathroom door and as soon as he saw the time on the clock he started to panic slightly.

“They aren’t back yet?!”

Billy shook his head, not so urgently.

“We have to check out in fifteen minutes.”

Suddenly, Billy matched Steve’s urgency and sprung up from where he was seated on the bed. “Okay,” he said, a little out of breath, “what are we gonna do?”

“Well we either pay for another night, or we sit out in the cold.”

Without even saying anything, Billy pulled his wallet out of his pocket and pulled out a twenty dollar bill. “I’ll go pay it.” He said, putting on his boots and throwing on the hoodie Steve gave him. Steve blushed as he watched him walk out the door, his own name displayed on the back of it, finally realizing what that hesitation was all about. That stupid highschool tradition of the jersey or letterman jacket following him into college.

It definitely wasn’t out of his system.

When Billy came back, he had a ton of snacks held in his arms. Little bags of Lays and Doritos and whatever else he managed to find on his short trip from their room to the lobby.

“None of us have eaten since yesterday.” He said, handing out a couple of the small bags to Steve. “I cleaned out the machine.”

Steve hadn’t noticed how starving he was until the food was right in front of him, to the point that once the bag was in his hand, he ripped it open like a feral animal.

Billy laughed.

And then Steve laughed. “Thanks,” he said. “I was getting hungry.”

“I could tell.”

They both just sat there, each sitting on opposing beds, eating away at the stash Billy had secured for them, not saying a word. They just shifted their gazes back and forth from the front door to the phone on the nightstand to the clock, getting more and more worried as the seconds ticked by.

It was by the time the clock had struck noon that their worry grew to the point that they were layering themselves back up to brave the winter snow to find the two brothers, hopefully not face down under a foot of snow.

It had gotten increasingly worse outside than it had been when he first woke up. The snowfall was heavy and visibility was incredibly low.

Steve was almost tempted to count their losses, not wanting to risk his own life by going out there.

Steve was used to the snow. He knew the snow. That also meant that he was smart enough to know when to and when not to go out into it.

Just as they were getting ready to open the door, Steve’s winter coat pulled all the way up to his nose so only his eyes were exposed, they finally heard that phone on the nightstand ring.

Steve ran over to the phone and yanked it up to his ear.

“Hello!?” His voice was frantic.

“Hey, is this Steve? It’s Kevin.”

“Holy fuck, are you guys alright?!” Steve asked, clutching the phone as tightly as he could.

“Yeah, dude. We’re fine,” he said. “We finally made it to the gas station, but now they aren’t letting us leave until the snow clears up a bit.” He explained. “Are you two going to be alright by yourselves for a few hours?”

Steve knew what he was alluding to, but it sounded like he was more afraid of Steve’s temper than Billy’s. “We’ll be fine.” Steve said, “Call us before you guys leave.”

“Will do.” He said.

Kevin hung up the phone before Steve could respond, and he just looked at Billy. Billy really hadn’t given Steve any reason to think Billy posed any threat to him.

In all honesty, Billy hadn’t given him any reason other than that night. Billy had basically kept his head down and out of Steve’s face for the rest of that year.

Maybe Billy really was different from how he remembered. Maybe it wasn’t all just the facade Steve had assumed it was.

Steve put the phone back down and started taking off his layers. “They’re fine.” He said. “They're stuck inside the gas station.”

Billy nodded his head and let out a long and heavy sigh. “Okay, good.” He said, following Steve in taking off his own layers as well, back down into just that hoodie. “Well, uh…” Billy said. “What do we do now?”

Steve just shrugged his shoulders. He never thought he would see the day where he’d just be hanging out with Billy Hargrove.

Billy just started opening and closing the dresser drawers like he was looking for something. He pulled out a bible and a phone book and then finally he pulled out a deck of cards and some poker chips.

“Poker?”

Steve was reluctant to say yes until Billy had moved over to his backpack and pulled out a couple packs of cigarettes and a bottle of rum.

“Yeah,” Steve said, “I’m in.”

***

They played a few rounds, for about an hour. Billy had won most of them. They played mostly in awkward silence, each of them taking turns taking swigs from the bottle and chain smoking their way through one of the packs of Marlboro red.

It was due to their increasing buzz and resulting lowered inhibitions that they actually started talking to each other. Just like they had earlier in the car—just before Steve had let them run out of gas.

“So what are you studying?” Billy asked as he dealt the cards.

“Business.” because he didn’t know what else to choose, and his father held his tuition over his head, so it wasn’t really like he had a choice in the matter.

“What do you plan to do with that?”

Steve shrugged. “Maybe take over for my dad.” he said, “Make him proud of me, I don’t know.”

“I’m an English major so,” Billy said, “can’t relate to that last part there.”

“Oh, come on. You’re on a full ride scholarship!” Steve said, taking another swig from the bottle, “how could your parents not be proud?”

Billy didn’t laugh, didn’t respond, he just swiftly changed the subject.

“What are your plans for when you get back?” Billy asked, looking down at his cards and away from Steve.

Steve paused, looking down at his own hand, two threes in his hand and a three on the table, trying to hide the smug grin on his face while he answered the question.

“Just relax I guess,” Steve said, “spend some time with my parents. I didn’t go home for Thanksgiving.”

“Me neither.” Billy added.

“Hey,” Steve said, holding his cards to his chest, “you never said why you were going back. You always seemed to hate it there.”

Billy pursed his lips. “I did. Still do.”

“Then why go back?” Steve pressed.

Billy paused before laying his cards face down on the floor. “I fold.” He said, getting up and excusing himself to the restroom.

Steve was left there confused, dragging the pot into his lap but not without checking Billy’s cards, where, there it was, plain as day, those hearts in his hand matching up with the hearts on the table, lighting up like in sea of red. He had a flush.

Steve was a little tipsy, and wasn’t making the best decision when he chose to get up from the floor and go over to the bathroom to pound his fist against the door. “Hey!” Steve shouted, “why the fuck did you just let me win?!”

“Go away, Steve.”

Steve just kept knocking away, completely ignoring Billy’s muttered swears, and only letting up when he noticed the lights begin to flicker, and the sound of machines in the building that were previously running had stopped. The only light in the room came in through the windows, and the silence was uncomfortable and eerie.

“What just happened?” Billy asked, his voice muffled through the door.

“I think we just lost power.” Steve said. He had a lump in his throat and a sinking feeling in his stomach. He could feel it growing colder by the second, even if the thermostat still read the same number.

Billy exited the bathroom, and was met with Steve standing practically in the doorway. Steve stumbled backwards toward the bed and sat down, unconsciously wrapping himself up in some of the blankets as there was no longer the presence of hot air blowing in through the vents. The sound of all working machinery had ceased to the point that the faint whistle of cold air passing through the window that wouldn’t close was audible.

Billy didn’t look at him, he just went over to the other bed and started pulling off the sheets and stuffing them at the base of the door and window. He was being proactive, meanwhile, Steve was just sitting on the bed, shaking, unable to speak. Steve felt a complete loss of control, because it seemed, while wrapped up in all of those blankets like a cocoon, he couldn’t manage to make himself feel warm.

They went back to their original silence. But this time. It was deafening. This time, in his own mind, it was way too loud, silently to himself repeating the words “oh my god, oh my god, oh my god…”

***

Steve had been laying there under the covers, feeling the temperature dropping more and more until he could feel it in his fingers and toes and on the tip of his nose, a familiar feeling, one that made it hard for him to keep his calm and maintain a regular breathing pattern.

All things considered, time still seemed to pass relatively quickly, and part of that probably had to do with the fact that he was falling in and out of sleep. But it was slightly dark out now. Only barely past four o’clock, but still, the sun was just barely peeking over the horizon and the outside temperatures grew colder and colder by the second. Kevin and Theo still hadn’t gotten back yet and Billy was still in that other bed, not talking to him.

And Steve was panicking for other reasons on top of that, and it had just kept building, and building…

“Hey!” Billy yelled, “you alright?!”

Steve hadn’t realized how he’d gotten himself curled up into a ball, whimpering quietly into his pillow, but loud enough that Billy could hear it over the silence in the room. Steve hadn’t realized until he looked up at Billy who went from the bed on the other side of the room, to now hovering over his pathetic frame on the verge of a complete breakdown.

Steve was cold, and sure, Billy might have been there, but still, he felt completely alone.

Just like other nights when he would fall asleep on just the porch outside his house with only his jacket to cover him up, cold, freezing cold. He would wake up without the use of his fingers, and would always be surprised when he would wake up at all.

“Hey, what’s wrong!?” Billy said, putting his hands on Steve's shoulders and trying to shake him out of whatever nightmare he had created for himself.

The sensation was enough to ground him for a second, to feel less alone enough to start breathing again and come back to reality—but he wasn’t okay.

He’d reached a point in his panic when he lost all inhibition, and would do whatever it took to no longer have that awful feeling in his stomach.

“I’m cold.” He said. “S-so cold.” Steve gripped the sheets and pulled them up to his face and quietly sobbed into the fabric, completely coming undone in front of Billy and it was humiliating, and yet he couldn’t stop himself from reaching out to hold Billy’s hand where it was still grabbing his shoulder. “It’s too cold.”

Next thing Steve knew, he wasn’t as cold anymore. The voices in his head reminding him of the numbness in his fingers and toes vanished and there was silence once again. His mind had calmed down just enough to finally recognize the presence next to him.

Steve instantly moved the moment he realized, the second he noticed the hand that wasn’t his own that was resting on his chest.

“Shit,” Billy said, “sorry I…” Billy just backed away from Steve, all the way to the other side of the bed.

“No, no, no,” Steve said, turning back over to face Billy who looked like he was scared for his life. “I’m sorry. I’m the one who freaked out.”

Billy just froze there on the bed until he eventually relaxed enough to lay back down, this time with a comfortable two feet of distance between the two of them.

“Thank you, by the way.” Steve said, laying back down and pulling the covers back up, trying to compensate for the sudden loss of warmth.

Billy kept his eyes pointed away from Steve, like he was guilty of something, but Steve didn’t quite catch onto that, still over analyzing his own embarrassment.

After another bout of silence, Billy broke the stillness of the room. “What was that all about, exactly?” he asked.

Steve took a deep breath and looked up to the ceiling, feeling guilty for how he had pressed Billy so hard for answers earlier, feeling like maybe he owed him an explanation after having to physically coddle him into calming down. “Sometimes…” he started, taking another deep breath before continuing, “my parents would go out without telling me, and I would end up locked out of my house.” Steve gripped the blankets tighter, “So I would have to sleep outside in the cold until I learned to keep a spare key under the doormat.”

“You just… slept outside?” Billy asked, like he thought he had misheard him, a tinge of anger there as well, possibly at the prospect of it being true.

Steve just nodded his head, not wanting to elaborate on it any further. Not wanting to get into the north gritty details from January of ‘81 after he went sledding with Tommy H. when he woke up on the porch the following morning with his completely white

“So when the power went out…”

“Yeah.” Steve said, his voice breathy and exasperated, “It felt like I was alone on that porch again.”

“If it helps,” Billy said, moving his body slightly closer, “you’re not alone.”

“It does… I guess .”

Steve looked over at Billy, just a quick glance, and there he was, smiling again. Steve felt like he had to look away every time he saw it, which meant he wasn’t there looking at Billy when that smile had eventually fallen into a frown.

“I never answered your question.” Billy said.

“Huh?”

“You asked why I was going back…” Billy said, his voice clearly reluctant, short of breath and low in volume, “but I have to tell you why I needed to get away before I can explain that.”

Steve finally turned over to look at him again. This time, Billy was looking down, away from Steve, nervously picking at the loose lint on the bed sheets. “You don’t have to,” Steve said, “I mean, if you don’t want to. You don’t owe me anything.” Except for maybe an apology.

“I know.” Billy said back, eyes still averted, “But is it weird that I want to?”

“I mean,” Steve said, laughing just a little, “yeah, kinda.”

Billy just chuckled to himself. It was weird. For all intents and purposes they were strangers, but there was a weird energy that made it feel like they’d known each other for a lot longer than they actually had.

Billy took a deep breath and finally looked up with a dead stare.

“Your dad ever hit you, Steve?”

The question hit Steve like a punch to the face, and he managed to only get out a weak “what?” as a response. Billy didn’t respond with repetition, but rather trained his stare more, narrowed his eyes at Steve, because they both knew that Steve heard him the first time, loud and clear.

“I mean,” Steve hesitated, unsure of where they were going, and unsure if it was somewhere he wanted to go, “he spanked me as a kid a few times, but nothing more than that. He mostly just yelled.”

Billy was still quiet, like he had no more to say. Like he couldn’t even think of what he might say. There was no plan, leaving Steve there to have to piece it all together like a puzzle without a picture.

“Did yours?” Steve finally asked, trying his best to tread lightly.

Billy looked back down, went back to picking at the lint. “Whatever you’re thinking he did to me,” Billy said, taking a moment to catch his breath that he seemed to have lost in the moments after asking his initial question, “it’s ten times worse.”

“Billy—”

“Don’t.” Billy stopped him. Stopped him from giving his little speech of pity that he likely didn’t have any interest in hearing, because Steve didn’t know what to do or say that would make it any better, as if there even was a way. “Just… that’s why I wanted to get out… but Christmas… it was always the one time of year when it wasn’t like that. It was almost pleasant. That’s also why I decided not to leave until it was almost the day of.”

“I’m sorry.” Steve said.

“What are you sorry for?” Billy looked back up at Steve, his expression changed to one of confusion. “You didn’t do anything.”

Steve just kept thinking back to every conversation they had. Thinking about the way Billy would trail off and tighten his grip on whatever he could get his hands on, the way his jaw would clench and he’d wind up creating an uncomfortable silence. Thinking about the way Steve saw it all wrong, viewing each reaction Billy had as something he should be afraid of.

He thought back even further, back to highschool, when he’d see cuts on his forehead, or he’d watch Billy sit on the bench during practice while he clutched his ribs. He thought nothing of it. He just wrote it all off as another fight. Another beat down instigated by Billy Hargrove for his own sick pleasure.

Then Steve would go back to thinking about the more recent. The way Billy had quickly changed the subject when he brought up his parents. Thinking back to the way he delivered that double burn by the mention of pride and his parents with the pronounced ‘s’.

Maybe none of that was anything he needed to apologize for, but he planned on doing it anyway.

“Yes I did.” Steve said, shifting his body just a little bit closer. “I’ve been ignoring you since we left school, or at least I’ve been trying to.”

It was getting harder and harder to make out the expression on Billy’s face as the sun dropped further and further below the horizon, and their only source of light began to fade away, but even still, when all that was left was simply the phantom remains of light in the pink and orange sky, he could still see the way Billy’s face fell from confusion to sadness in just a quick beat.

“It’s not like I didn’t deserve it.”

Steve knew immediately what he was referring to. He was referring to the exact thing that was the source for the way he treated him like a disease. It wasn’t an apology, but it was something close enough to it that when it was said out loud, Steve realized he didn’t want or need one from him.

“I’ll admit,” Steve said, “say that yesterday and I probably would have agreed with you, but now…”

“But now what?!” Billy quickly clapped back. “Now that you know that poor Hargrove’s old man beats him with a belt when he forgets to do the dishes, suddenly that makes me beating you within an inch of your life okay?! I don’t want your goddamn pity!” In the middle of his rant, Billy had gotten up to his feet, towering over Steve who was still laying down on the bed.

“It doesn’t make it okay!” Steve contested. “What you did will never be okay. But you’re actually a human being, not public enemy number one.”

“And you’re sure about that?” It sounded like it was supposed to be a threat, but his voice fell flat, and sounded more like a genuine question.

“Well we have been locked inside of a run down motel in the middle of nowhere alone for hours,” Steve said, now also getting up from the bed, keeping the blankets wrapped around himself because he was still frozen, “and not once have you made any credible threat against my life so, I say I’m pretty confident.”

Was he sure? No. Was there still a little bit of that old fear still lingering around? Yes. But Billy didn’t need to know that.

Billy just threw his hands up behind his neck and looked up at the ceiling. “Fuck.” He quietly cursed to himself. “I need another drink.”

“I think we drank the whole bottle.” Steve said, glancing over at the tipped over bottle of Malibu that was empty largely due to his own doing.

Billy just walked over to his backpack that was pushed up against the wall. “I’m in a frat Steve.” He said, reaching into the bag and pulling out a bottle of Smirnoff. “You really think I didn’t bring another bottle.”

Steve just scoffed and walked over to where Billie was standing, dragging the blankets along with him like he was walking with a mermaid tail. “I can’t believe you’re a fucking frat boy.”

“Honestly,” Billy said, taking a drink from the bottle and trying to hide the face he made at the burn going down his throat, “I can’t believe you aren’t.”

***

If Steve had thought he was drunk earlier, he sure as hell was now.

In less than an hour, the two of them together had finished half of a full bottle of vodka, and Steve was feeling the effects of that, on top of the lingering effects from the rum they were drinking earlier. All he knew was that he was definitely giving his liver a workout.

They were both laying on their backs on the floor of the motel room, staring at the ceiling. Steve was no longer cold, he had the warmth of ethanol coursing through his bloodstream that functioned like a blanket.

Billy seemed to be just as far gone as Steve was with the way he was giggling, hiccuping, and then giggling some more.

Their day had really been a rollercoaster of emotions.

“Truth or Dare Steve?” Billy asked in between bouts of laughter.

“Truth.”

“Boring!” Billy said in a sing-songy voice. “Whatever. What’s your body count?”

Steve just narrowed his eyes. “I have never killed anyone.” He said. “Wait. Have you!?”

“Not that kind of body count dumbass.” Billy said, gently hitting Steve’s arms, “How many people have you had sex with?”

“Oh, uh…” Steve just started counting on his fingers, earning an eye roll out of Billy, “I think somewhere around fifteen.”

“Not bad Harrington.” Billy laughed.

“What?” Steve asked, his voice cracking just slightly as he raised his pitch. “What’s yours then?”

“No, no, no,” he said, wagging his finger up in the air, “gotta ask me truth or dare first.”

“Fine. Truth or Dare?”

“Dare.”

Steve groaned and began wracking his brain trying to come up with a dare. “Go outside without shoes on, just socks, and stand in the snow for a full minute.”

“Are you trying to kill me?”

“You’re the one that said dare.” Steve reminded.

“Fine then.” Billy said. “Truth.”

Steve giggled a little, turning his head over to look at Billy who was still looking up at the pitch black ceiling like there was something to see. “How many people have you slept with?” he asked.

“Two.” Billy said quickly.

“Seriously?” Steve laughed, thinking he was joking until Billy rolled his head to look back at him, and his eyes told him that, yes, he was serious. “Wow. I would have thought—”

“Thought it would be higher?” Billy asked. “I’m an enigma…Steve.”

“Don’t ever call yourself an enigma again.”

They both just laid there laughing.

“Truth or Dare Steve?”

“Truth.”

Billy hesitated, the words were on the very tip of his tongue.

“Have you ever kissed a boy, Steve?”

Billy didn’t once look away from him when he asked, his eyes were trained in on Steve’s, and it made Steve feel like he couldn’t look away if he wanted to. Like there was some magnetic pull Billy had on him. “Yeah.” Steve said, not thinking too long about the nature of the question. The alcohol in his system gave him the courage that could definitely be dangerous in a situation like the one they were in. Steve could easily just be giving Billy the ammo he needed to load his gun.

But there was something about the way he asked, his voice shy and quiet, something about the way he kept his eyes locked in on Steve’s and nodded his head that told Steve that it was exactly the opposite.

A look that said “me too.”

“Truth or Dare Billy?” Steve asked, suddenly hyper aware of just how close together they were laying. Their noses had maybe a foot of distance between them, maximum.

“Dare.” He said.

Steve licked his lips. Suddenly, his mind wasn’t the part of him making decisions anymore. “I dare you to kiss me.”

Steve just remained frozen, both of them were just staring at each other, minds racing at terminal velocities. Billy wasn’t moving, and Steve started to wonder if he had just made a huge mistake.

Or maybe Billy was just as nervous as he was.

He had already said it, so there was no harm in saying it again.

“Kiss me.” Steve moved in closer for Billy, covered a little bit of that distance between them so all Billy had to do was lean just a couple inches before he’d make contact.

Billy remained frozen, and with the proximity, Steve could feel Billy breathing in only short, shaky breaths.

An hour ago, Steve had no interest in kissing Billy. A day ago he had no interest in even being in the same room with him. But right then, right there, where they were lying on the hard surface of the motel carpet, he wanted Billy’s lips on his like nothing else, and he had no idea why.

He wound up lost in his own headspace as he waited for Billy to make the move, and complete his challenge. He wondered if he’d made a mistake, but not just because of the possibility that his inclinations were all wrong, wondering if maybe it was a mistake because of what could happen next. What might be a result of Billy kissing him? Would it be good or bad? Would it fall to another bout of weird silence or would it escalate further into something more intense? Each thought was racing at a mile per minute and Steve was so lost inside his own head that he wasn’t present for the moments in between Billy lying there staring at him, and the moment he finally felt Billy’s lips touch his own, the sensation that jerked him back to a reality free from wonder.

The kiss was short. Closed mouthed. But even so, Steve had instinctively brought a hand up from his side that cradled the side of Billy’s head just as he pulled away, and Billy had stalled once again. Their noses were nearly touching this time.

Steve just moved his thumb back and forth through Billy’s hair behind his ear, telling Billy without words that not only did he not have to pull away…

Steve didn’t want him to.

Billy finally closed the distance again, and this time, it was much deeper. Mouths open and lips soft against each other’s. They both relaxed into each other and their held breaths finally steadied.

Steve just let his eyes fall shut, and pulled Billy in closer, feeling that rare feeling of bliss that he hadn’t had kissing another person since Nancy. It made no sense. It didn’t have to.

They were alone, in the middle of a blizzard, in a motel room in Illinois on Christmas Eve. None of it made sense.

Steve was just going to enjoy it while it lasted.

Because with Billy so close, he didn’t feel cold anymore.

***

They had eventually found themselves back in the bed, no longer kissing, just facing each other with the same proximity they had on the floor, breathing hot on each other’s faces. They weren’t talking again. There was that silence from before except this time, it was almost peaceful. That tension from before like rubber bands pulled to their limits ready to snap wasn’t there anymore. It was a different— better tension. The thoughts of the unknown were swimming through his head, thoughts that the nice feeling he felt in his current state might be something that could continue, that maybe it could keep happening and build into something more.

It was so dark, but Steve could still see Billy’s face in the moonlight, and he had no intention of looking away.

Their hands were clasped together and brought up to their chests, both of their palms sweaty from nerves that wouldn’t cease.

Steve wanted to kiss him again. Every bone in his body was aching for it the longer that he looked at Billy.

“Can I kiss you?” Steve asked.

Billy nodded his head, and Steve didn’t hesitate before closing the distance.

It was hotter, heavier than before. It was no longer a soft exchange but rather a desperate plea, breathing into each other’s mouths with force and exertion.

Steve pulled away for a breath, and stopped for a second before going back in.

“Do you want to make it three?” he asked.

“What?”

“Your number .” Steve clarified, moving a free hand up to Billy’s chest to fist at the front of Billy’s shirt. “Do you want to make it three?”

Steve expected Billy to make some sort of move. He had been known in highschool as something of a Casanova, so it was weird that Steve was the one making all the first moves, but even so, he expected reciprocation in that regard. He at the very least expected a head nod, maybe a little enthusiasm, but there was nothing.

Then Billy did make a move, but it wasn’t what Steve was wanting. Billy’s free hand had come up to where Steve was still gripping his shirt, and moved it away. “Would it be okay,” he said, looking down shyly, away from Steve, “if we didn’t?”

Steve just moved away from Billy, no more than two inches, but enough that it was clear that he was creating more distance. “You don’t want to have sex?” Steve asked, confused and also trying to mask the shot to his ego.

“I do, it’s just…” he said, trying to come up with some kind of a defense that would push Steve away any further than those two inches of distance. “Not now. Not in a sleazy motel room while we’re both drunk and lonely.”

“What?” Steve questioned, a little harshly with his tone. “You want to take me out to dinner or something first?”

Billy smiled softly, still looking down at the bed. “Well, yeah.” he said. “If you’d want to.”

Steve thought about it for a second. It was just more proof. More proof to the fact that this guy really was a different person than the one he knew from Hawkins. He was different, changed, and Steve wanted to get to know him more. “Are you asking me out?”

“Yeah.” he said. “I am.”

Steve smiled.

“I think we can do that.”

***

They had fallen asleep like that. Wrapped up in each other… for warmth… definitely just for warmth. That’s what they would tell Kevin and Theo when they woke up the next morning, early, just as the sun had risen, to the knowledge that they had come back to the motel sometime during the night.

They had come in with a canister full of gasoline and a bag full of snacks they had snagged from the gas station, just enough to last them the rest of the trip.

Neither of them had said anything about the position they caught Steve and Billy in, but there was definitely some side chatter between the two brothers along with shared chuckles of laughter. Billy hadn’t looked totally freaked out, so Steve was left to assume that it was fine.

Regardless, It was an awkward morning for Billy and Steve, just like any other morning after, not sure of what to do next. Fortunately, they had two other guys there telling them what to do.

Kevin ordered them out the door, just barely after six in the morning, because of a fact that both Billy and Steve had forgotten.

It was Christmas Day.

Suddenly they understood the rush.

They booked it for the half-mile hike back to their car, which was more exhausting the second time after having to lug the canister of gasoline and the bags of snacks the remainder of the way. When they got there, they noticed that the roads had been plowed, and the snow on the side of the road where they had parked the car had melted just enough that they wouldn’t be having to dig themselves out.

Things were starting to finally look up, and Steve suddenly wasn’t dreading having to share a backseat with Billy for the next few hours.

The only part he was dreading was that he wouldn’t be allowed to touch him the whole way, not really one for public displays of affection, and not really sure they were at that stage yet seeing how not even a whole day had passed.

They wound up getting to Hawkins by noon. Kevin had quickly just dropped them off in town and sped away quickly with just a frantic “Merry Christmas” before pulling out, since he still had to get to Detroit.

The snow in Hawkins was only a thin blanket, as if the blizzard had just avoided their neck of the woods entirely, like there was some sort of magnetic force field surrounding the town.

That was one observation.

The other observation was that the town was seemingly deserted. Almost every shop had a “closed for Christmas” sign on their door and there was no movement around them save for tumbleweeds blowing in the wind. It was vacant.

It was private .

Steve didn’t waste a second before taking advantage of the opportunity, but somehow, even so, Billy had been first to plant his lips.

It was just something quick. Something simple—but it was perfect. Standing outside in the barely below freezing temperatures, finally feeling like they could celebrate the day.

“I should probably get going.” Billy said once they parted, pointing a thumb behind himself. “Don’t want to give my old man a reason to break his streak.”

Steve’s frowned. “Be careful, please.” he said, taking ahold of Billy’s hand so he couldn’t just walk away. “If you ever need anything, my door is always open.” Steve said, squeezing Billy’s hand just a little bit tighter. “And if it’s locked…you know where I keep the key.”

Billy smiled and gave Steve a squeeze back.

“Merry Christmas Steve.”

They both smiled.

“Merry Christmas Billy.”

***

Steve got back into Texas a few days after New Years and was instantly put right back behind that coffee counter again, making coffee for nobody because school still didn’t start back up for another week.

The angry old man had already come in that day and was sitting at the counter, sipping his coffee, something he didn’t normally do. Usually he was out the door the second he had the cup in his hands.

Steve’s shift was coming to an end once again. Once again he was left staring at the clock above the door, waiting, a little less antsy to leave like last time.

He would have still been annoyed if that bell chimed just a minute before he would get to clock out. He would have if the person ringing that bell was anyone else.

But there he was, walking in through the glass doors from the outside, flashing a smile his way.

Billy.

“Hey Steve.” He said, walking up to the counter. “I’ll have a latte.”

Billy slid exact change onto the counter and leaned whole body weight on the ledge.

“Sure thing.” Steve said, putting the money in the cash register and went over to the other side to start making the coffee, where Billy had just followed him.

“So,” he said, still leaning heavily into his space, speaking quietly so the single patron couldn’t hear, “we still on for tonight?”

Steve blushed as he poured the steamed milk into the cup and put the lid on, handing it over with shaky hands, thinking about how he was actually glad to be back in the vacant town, because there was someone to share all that open space with. “Yeah,” he said, “we’re still on.”

Billy took the coffee and took a sip, giving Steve a thumbs up for the taste. “Seven still good?”

“Seven’s still good.”

“Alright then pretty boy,” Billy said, a little too loudly, this time paying no mind to the other patron, singular, that was in the coffee shop with them. “See you tonight.”

“See you tonight!” Steve’s voice was a little too excited, and the blush was getting more and more obvious the longer Billy was in there.

Obvious enough that of course, the grumpy old man noticed.

“What was that all about?” He asked with suggestive brows and a chuckle.

Steve just rolled his eyes.

“Shut up and drink your coffee.”

#harringrove #billy hargrove #steve harrington #stranger things #harringrove holiday exchange

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the-passenger-if · 3 years ago

Note

Angsts sequel pls 🥺 how do the ros in the last break up ask react to Newman coming back and trying to fix things?

“I don’t care why you did it,” Fiama says, arms crossed and eyes fixed on the street.

“Can’t we discuss this somewhere else?” C.C. Diner’s regulars are staring at them from the windows. Fiama acceded to give Newman a minute of her time, but she doesn’t seem particularly interested in going anywhere farther than a few feet away from the building.

“No, and I am very busy. Are you done yet?” And she still isn’t looking at them; she hasn’t since they stepped out of the diner.

“Fiama, please. I swear I had very good reasons to do what I did.”

“Mh-hm, so you say.” She glances over her shoulder. “Do me a favor, will you?” Finally, she looks at them and the blank stare she throws their way makes something inside Newman shrivel and die. “Take those reasons and shove them up your ass.”

She makes to leave, and Newman tries once more, “You can’t lie to me. You still care about me, Fiama. You still care about us.”

She lifts an eyebrow. “I did care about us. Six months ago. I’ve moved on. Bruno has moved on.” She gives them a once-over. “You should do the same. Don’t come back, and don’t bother my son. It’s over.” With that, she turns around and goes back into the diner, leaving Newman alone in the street.

---

Jonny listens to Newman’s story in silence, he hasn’t made a sound since they showed up in the video store with an awkward smile stuck on their face.

He closed the door—it was almost closing time, anyway—and came back to position himself behind the counter. Newman didn’t attempt to follow him; they knew Jonny needed that space, at least for now.

“And that’s what happened,” Newman finishes. Jonny doesn’t say anything; he just keeps staring at his fingers on the counter. “I know it doesn’t change the fact that I broke up with you—“

“Over the phone,” Jonny says, then looks at them in the eye. The vulnerability in his expression almost has Newman reaching out, but they can’t, not yet. “You broke up with me over the phone,” he winces as if the memory had slapped him.

“I had no choice.” They aren’t losing their cool, they have their emotions under control. “I wouldn’t have been able to go away if I…” They shake their head, move to the counter flap and lift it just a bit before checking for Jonny’s reaction. He has stepped away from the counter, standing straighter. He’s eying them warily but that’s it. Newman lifts the flap all the way and steps closer to Jonny. “I missed you.” He blinks, and they take another step, and then another one.

Once they are in front of Jonny, he finally speaks. “You hurt me. I shouldn’t…”

“I will make it up to you,” Newman says holding his gaze. “It doesn’t matter how much time it takes me to make it right; I want to be with you, Jonny. I want you.” Sheepishly they take his face between their hands and slowly close the gap between them. Jonny's muscles are tense, but he doesn’t pull away, and after a few seconds he kisses Newman back. When Newman hugs him tight, he finally relaxes, practically melting against them.

---

It had taken them almost four years, but Newman finally caught up with them. Their sneaky companion is sat at the bar. They don’t look anything like the Roach that swaggered their way all those years ago, but they have no doubt it’s them sitting there, sipping a drink that looks radioactive under the blacklight of the club.

It’s surreal. As Newman heads toward them, that’s the only thought in their head. This whole thing is surreal. And then Roach is twirling around on the metal stool, and fixing them with a stare, and suddenly the dreamlike sensation crashes on them with a vengeance.

It really is like staring into a mirror, a mirror that’s four years younger than them, but still. The son of a bitch really stole their face.

“Look at that,” Roach says in Newman’s voice and a sly tilt to the words. “Fancy meeting you here.” They follow Newman with their (Newman’s) eyes until they take a seat next to them. “This is a bad omen, by the way,” Roach continues before taking a sip of their fluorescent cocktail. “Only horrible things happen to those that come across their doppelganger.”

“Even if said doppelganger is fake?”

Roach’s smile turns sharp but they don’t reply, they just empty their glass and set it on the bar. “Alright, tell me everything. I want to know how you realized.”

Newman can feel their mouth pursing at the memory of the first time somebody got overly familiar with them just outside of a gas station restroom. “They called me ‘Roach’.”

“There has to be more than that!” Roach says with a laugh. “You are unforgettable.” They wink at Newman with sadistic glee.

“Ugh… look, Roach. I’m sorry, ok?” Better to get this over with. “Things happened, things that were hard to explain, things I couldn’t drag you through.”

Roach hums distracted, then flags the bartender.

“I want us to fix what we had, I want—“

“Another one,” Roach says with a seductive smile while pushing the empty glass toward the bartender. Then they point at Newman, “And one for my… twin here. I’m planning to get wasted tonight, and they are paying, so keep them coming, hunk.” Then they look at Newman. “The night is young and we have all the time in the world. If you can make me remember why I cared in the first place, then maybe, I’ll think about it, what do you say?”

---

“You’re trespassing private property,” Horizon tells Newman as they see them approach. “Ranch 48 isn’t open to the public.”

Newman comes to a stop in front of their ex-partner and, ok, maybe they weren’t expecting to be welcomed with a kiss but the coldness in those gray eyes feel like stalactites hanging over Newman’s head. They raise their hands. “Horizon, please let me explain.”

“There’s nothing to explain, and I have a very busy schedule. Please, leave.” Their voice is polite, but those eyes… if looks could freeze.

“I have no right to ask anything from you, I know, but you have to give me a chance to explain. Everything that happened was a mistake…”

“’Everything that happened’?” Horizon frowns at them. “You have no idea about what happened. You—“ realizing they are raising their voice, they stop, close their eyes and take a deep breath. Next time they open their eyes, the calm and collected coldness has returned. “You hurt me deeply, I mourned what we had… poorly… but I came out of it stronger, better.” They stand straighter. “I respect myself too much to sacrifice all that over a few excuses.”

“I respect you too!”

Horizon’s mouth twists with skepticism. “If you did, you wouldn’t have come here in the hopes of disturbing whatever little peace I could’ve garnered in the last six months.” They sniff. “Now go before Velour sees us talking. And don’t come back. You aren’t welcome here.”

#ask #tp fiama #tp jonny #tp roach #tp horizon #in other words don’t break Fiama’s and Horizon’s hearts

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justmypartner · 4 years ago

Text

Safe - 8x14 Speculation Fic

Writer’s Note: The idea for this came from the 8x14 synopsis, and while it technically still is a speculation fic, I don’t imagine the episode happening exactly like this. However, I did use what I’ve seen from bts photos and videos, as well as things Tracy has said in interviews to develop some of the scenes/details. This is probably my favorite piece that I’ve written in a while, so I hope you enjoy & thank you for reading!

Hailey rustled through her closet looking for her black wedged boots, trying her best to hurry as she knew Jay was waiting for her in the kitchen. She wasn’t much of a boot with a heel kind of girl, but she and Jay had special plans and she wanted to look nicer than usual. While they had been together for months, that night was the first time they were going on a proper date. They each decided at the beginning of their relationship that with both of their histories, they wanted to keep things simple and to themselves, which meant a lot of take-out and a lot of nights alone in their apartments. However, after Hailey mentioned something in passing about their clandestine time together starting to feel restrictive, Jay made plans at a fancy restaurant where he knew they wouldn’t run into any of their fellow team members.

“I don’t mean to rush you, but our reservation is in 45 minutes and it will take us about 30 to get there,” Jay said softly, peeking his head around the door frame.

“I know, I know. I’m trying to- finally!” she shouted upon finding the boots in the corner of her closet. She brought a knee into her chest as she pulled a boot onto her foot before switching to the other leg and doing the same.

“Okay, I just need to get my phone and wallet and then I’ll be-“ her words were cut short as she caught sight of him for the first time that evening. He was wearing a dress shirt with a light jacket, and his dark jeans curled over the top of a pair of black dress boots. It was much different from his typical, rugged workwear, but she took note of how well the look suited him.

“Wow you clean up nice, Halstead,” she told him with a dimpled smile as he blushed, extending a hand down to help her rise from the floor. Once she was standing, the small space between them closed quickly as she wrapped her arms around his neck, bringing her lips to his briefly. While the heels added extra height, she still needed to raise on her tiptoes to meet his mouth.

“Not too bad yourself, Detective,” he uttered as her lips pulled away. His hands grasped her waist, holding her steady as she remained on her toes. They stayed pressed against one another for a moment looking into each other’s eyes, and just when he was about to go in for another kiss, she fell on her heels and pressed the tips of her fingers against his chest.

“Normally, I would indulge in this further, but we’re going to miss our reservation and I’m starving,” she teased, moving past him to retrieve her phone, keys, and wallet, along with her jacket slung over the back of the couch.

When they arrived at the restaurant, Hailey was charmed by how nice it was. It was far different from the usual dive bars and pubs they went to after work, and part of her even felt like it was too nice for them to be at.

“Halstead, party of 2,” he told the hostess, holding up 2 fingers with the hand that wasn’t intertwined with Hailey’s.

A stifled smile came across her face and she nodded her head towards the floor as they waited for someone to guide them to their table. It seemed surreal to be standing in the middle of a fancy restaurant with him, holding his hand and waiting to be seated for a romantic dinner. She couldn’t tell if it was because of how long she secretly pined over him or if it was because being with Jay felt like her first real love story, but there were many moments when being with him felt like some fantasy, and that moment was one of them. At one point in time, being with him was something she only dreamt about. It was a thought that crossed her mind when his gaze lingered a little longer than it should or when an accidental touch sent her heart racing. Before they took that leap, she worried being with him would mean giving up being his partner. It was that fear that made her keep her feelings bottled up for so long, but as they proved time and time again, as partners, as lovers, and as both - they were good together. She turned her head and placed a light kiss on his shoulder. It was a tangible reminder that he was hers to kiss, but it also grounded her in that moment that felt like just another dream.

The dinner itself was incredible. Hailey officially added the restaurant to her list of favorite food spots in Chicago, and they spent the entire meal giggling and sharing stories they had never shared before. By the end of it, Jay was stuffed, but Hailey insisted they order a dessert, her sweet tooth getting the best of her. Jay teased her for ordering the lava cake, the most indulgent option on the menu, but she was able to tease him right back when he asked the waiter for a second spoon when it was brought to the table.

Just as Jay was about to pay the check, his phone began to ring, Voight’s name popping up across the screen as he pulled out his wallet.

“Uh oh,” Hailey said as he picked it up to answer. Jay spoke with their boss briefly, mainly nodding his head and muttering brief affirmations every few seconds.

“I think she’s out tonight, but I can call her and swing by to pick her up wherever she is,” Jay said, shooting Hailey a wide-eyed look as he quickly came up with an excuse as to why they’d be riding in together all dressed up.

“Alright hot stuff, as much as I’d like to keep this night going, it seems we caught a case,” he told her, as he stood from his chair. He took out his wallet, counting out enough money to cover the check and tip before resting the bills under his glass on the table.

“At least we made it through dessert,” she said, sending him a childlike smile.

“Oh, that was dessert? I had something else in mind for that,” he replied smugly, Hailey’s face turning bright red at his suggestive words.

“Oh really?” She questioned, taking a step towards him to close the gap between them. “You’d better clean up that mind before we get to the scene,” she whispered with a chuckle, twirling around swiftly and making her way towards the door as he shook his head at her tease. His hand found the small of her back as they made their way out the door, and he placed a kiss against her temple, knowing it would probably be the last display of affection he could show before they had to enter partner mode.

When they arrived at the house, Kevin and Voight were outside talking to a few patrol officers. Hailey’s mood had changed drastically upon arriving at the scene. She couldn’t explain why, but she felt uneasy as she jumped out of the truck and secured her badge and gun to her hip.

As they approached, Kevin pursed his lips together and let out a two-tone whistle as he caught sight of Hailey.

“Damn girl, sorry to pull you away from whatever had you all cleaned up,” he told her, cocking his head to the side as she shook her head at him with a smirk. Her eyes caught sight of Voight’s as they darted between her and Jay and she became nervous, imagining that he was putting two and two together. She decided to change the subject quickly before any further comments could ensue.

“Oh, shut up,” she told him. “What do we got?” She asked, spinning her head around the scene and taking in the myriad of patrol cars.

“I think it’s something you have to unfortunately see for yourself. I do have to say, you might want to brace yourself for this one,” he said, turning to lead them inside. Jay and Hailey met eyes, sharing a look of concern before turning and following Kevin and Voight inside.

Walking through the front door, they collectively grimaced at the overwhelming smell of blood that tinged their noses. They hesitantly made their way deeper into the house and Hailey’s heart dropped when she caught sight of a family of four, a couple and their two kids, all tied up and shot dead on the living room floor. That uneasy feeling from before suddenly made sense. She clenched her jaw, groaning at the sight as she looked away, recognizing the same unsettled look in the face of each of her fellow officers.

“What the hell happened here?” Jay asked, looking over at Kevin for the answer.

“This is the second home invasion robbery in this neighborhood this week. Robbery-homicide has been working these guys since the first one, but so far they’ve come up with no leads. Whoever these guys are, they’re professionals. It’s a two-man crew, they come in through the back, dressed head to toe in dark attire, get what they need, kill the family, and get out. They’re in and out in less than 10 minutes and they’ve got a getaway driver who knows how to avoid traffic cameras. Robbery-homicide tells me these guys killed a family of three earlier this week, and that the dad had bruises on his body in addition to the gunshot wound that killed him. Now, what’s interesting is in this case, the mom is the one with these bruises. These families were definitely targeted, we’re just not sure how or why,” he explained causing them each to frown.

While Kevin explained the case, Hailey fell silent as the details brought her back to a string of cases she had worked during her time in robbery-homicide. She spent weeks chasing after a crew targeting families who had shopped at a high-end jewelry store, only that connection was missed for the first half of the investigation. By the time she and her team had finally caught on to why the families were being targeted, four families had already been killed, five kids below the age of ten among the victims. Hailey beat herself up for months knowing if they had caught onto the pattern sooner, they could have saved more of the families - more of the kids. This case sounded eerily similar, and she was bound to not let history repeat itself.

“How’d we catch this if robbery-homicide was on it?” Jay asked, shoving his hands in his pockets as his gaze intentionally avoided the gruesome scene before them.

“Miller assigned it to us. She wanted a fresh pair of eyes. She’s getting a lot of heat from the press about there being no leads, especially since this is a high-end neighborhood. Plus, these guys have already killed three tender-aged kids. I want the animals on a stick,” Voight replied straightly.

“Do we know what they’re after?” Hailey asked, her brain already working to establish a connection.

“No, and that’s what’s given our robbery-homicide guys so much trouble. The only connection is that both families have had pretty high-tech safes somewhere in the house. Last house it was in a bedroom closet, but this one was in the basement. It seems like these guys make their way in, beat the location and combo of the safe out of one of the parents, get what they need, and off the entire family before hauling ass out,” Kevin told them.

“Well, I’ve worked cases like this one before. If we’re going to get anywhere, we need to figure out what it was they wanted and how they knew about it. We’re on a time crunch now, because it’s only a matter of time before these guys strike again,” she said, turning and leaving the house without waiting for any of their responses.

After leaving the scene, they all made their way back to the district to go over the files robbery-homicide had sent over. They browsed over the files for a couple of hours before Voight sent them home, needing them to rest up and refresh before they dove completely into the case the next day. The familiarity of the case was itching at Hailey, but as much as she wanted to see something that everyone else was missing, she came up short in every place she looked.

The next morning, she and Jay got coffee together. She had been quiet since they caught the case. Jay picked up on her shift in mood that occurred from the restaurant to the scene, but he left it alone to give her the space she seemed to need. He eventually built up the nerve to ask what was wrong. She told him about her old case and how much it meant to catch the guys and quickly. He agreed, admitting to her how much seeing those dead kids struck a nerve. He reassured her they would catch them one way or another. As they walked out of the coffee shop, a call came over the radio:

Units over the city-wide, we got calls of a home invasion. 1433 N State Street

“Gold Coast, that’s the same neighborhood as the other home invasions, you think that’s our guys?” Jay asked looking over at Hailey as he held the radio up.

“Could be, let’s roll on it,” she told him, rushing towards his truck as he followed, telling dispatch they were taking the call.

They rolled up to the scene, carefully clearing the house together, but they arrived too late, and the offenders were gone. They found the couple who lived there in the same position as the last two families, only they still had a pulse. Hailey tried asking them what the offenders were after, but all she got were incoherent mutterings from each victim. They both died before ambulances could arrive, but just the same as the other cases, only the husband had signs of bruising in addition to the gunshot wound, and a safe was found in the back of a linen closet. While crime techs combed the house, Hailey made her way out to the back garden, finding a hose to rinse the victim’s blood from her hands. Her hands were shaking so much, she couldn’t quite scrub enough to get them clean. Jay caught sight of her through the window and wade his way out to her, grabbing her hands in his to steady them. She looked up at him as he nodded his head, taking the hose and helping her scrub her hands clean. Once they were clear, he held her hands in his for a minute longer, quickly releasing them when someone cleared their throat behind them. When they turned around Voight was standing there, his hands deep in his pockets, eyeing the two of them as they took a step back from one another. If he didn’t know about them before, he definitely did then.

“You get anything new on these guys?” He asked, a knowing look plastered across his face.

“No, Sarge. They were gone by the time we pulled up,” Jay told him, dropping the hose to the ground.

“Well, get back to it. We’ve wasted enough time as it is, we’ve got to catch these guys,” he said bluntly, turning and making his way back into the house. The two of them stayed there frozen, shaking their heads at how careless they had been to let him walk up on them like that.

Back at the district, they scrubbed the lives of all of the victims, still coming up with no connection between any of them. Nighttime arrived once again with no leads and no suspects, so they decided to call it and head home. That night, Hailey laid awake, tossing and turning for hours. She tried every method she knew to fight off the insomnia that had kept her restless, but nothing was able to lull her into a slumber. It was the case that was keeping her up, and her eyes stared blankly at the ceiling while a million theories circulated through her mind. Something about it just didn’t make sense, and she couldn’t shake the idea that they had been missing an obvious connection. The faces of the couple she tried to save earlier that day remained at the forefront of her mind, and after a while of fighting off the urge to get out of bed and chase that gut feeling, she finally slipped out from the grasp of Jay’s limp arm, carefully retreating from the bed as to not wake him. She made her way over to her closet, pulling on a pair of jeans and slipping a sweatshirt over her head before grabbing her badge and gun from the nightstand and sliding her phone into her back pocket. She made her way to her office, retrieving a sticky note and pen to write Jay a message letting him know where she was going.

Couldn’t sleep. Gone back to the district, needed to go over the case again. ♡

She tiptoed back into the bedroom and placed the note on her pillow where she knew he’d see if he happened to wake up. She grabbed her coat and opened the front door, slowly guiding it closed on her way out, still trying her best to be as quiet as possible. She wasn’t sure what she would be looking for when she arrived at the district, but she had hoped that studying it alone and in the quietness of the empty bullpen would provide her with a new perspective. She made herself a cup of coffee before walking over to her desk and opening up every file they had on the case. She paced the floor of the empty space, flipping through files and studying photos until she was sure there was nothing to see. Finally, she hoisted herself onto the top of her desk, pulling her knees into her chest and eyeing the board for something they may have been missing. Suddenly, she heard the beeping of the keypad and the clanging of the door opening and closing downstairs. She checked her phone to see the time. It was 4 am, and she couldn’t imagine who else would be up that early. She did a double-take as Jay made his way around the corner, a look of exhaustion on his face as he sent her a lazy smile.

“What are you doing here?” She asked him, unclasping her hands from around her knees and pulling herself to the edge of the desk.

“Funny, I was about to ask you the same thing,” he said with a smirk, pulling his jacket from his shoulders and resting it on the back of her desk chair.

“I couldn’t sleep. Something about this case was keeping me up, so I figured instead of lying in bed and staring at the ceiling for hours I would try and make myself useful. You didn’t have to come check on me. I’m fine,” she told him, the corners of her lips curling up into a reassuring smile as he came to stand over her.

“I couldn’t go back to sleep once I realized you were gone,” he told her softly with a slight pout before turning to lean on the desk beside her. “So, what have you figured out?” He asked, his attention turning to the board before them. She sighed, crossing her arms and staring at the crime scene photos as he waited for her response.

“I don’t know. I mean these families have no connections. The kids all go to different schools, they all work at completely different places, they don’t even shop at the same stores, I can’t seem to figure out where their lives intersect, so I just don’t understand why they’re being targeted,” she ran down, looking over at Jay whose eyes surveyed the information on the board.

“Maybe it’s about more than just the robbery. I mean they’re taking time to kill every member of the family, including the kids. Unless these guys are just straight-up psychopaths, it sounds like whatever is going on could be personal,” Jay suggested, looking over at his partner whose eyes were transfixed on one particular photo on the case board. His words sparked something in her, and she caught sight of the words Resurgence Tech written in bold font on a magnet on the refrigerator from the second crime scene. She knew the name was familiar, but she couldn’t remember how.

She pulled out the files from each of the cases and found what she was looking for. An email address registered in the husband’s name from the first robbery ending in resurgencetech.co. Looking at the other files, she was able to establish a connection between all of them leading back to a company previously known as Resurgence Tech. As she and Jay investigated through the night, they were able to figure out what was being stolen and why it was worth killing over. Resurgence Tech was a company co-founded by four individuals, Ryan Ethers, victim of the first robbery, Scarlett Jameson, victim of the second, Max Lin, victim from the third, and Lianne Meadows, who lived in a house in the Gold Coast District close to the previous victims. Five years prior, Resurgence Tech created a breakthrough idea for a high-tech medical device that had the potential to significantly change the practice of medicine. However, after hours of gathering information and records, the two detectives found out that the design was actually stolen from two brothers who had developed the original idea for a project they were working on in college. Resurgence used their power and influence to discredit the claims of the brothers, blacklisting them from the entire industry, and eventually pulling the design before it could ever meet the market. Not long after, Resurgence shut down for good, liquidating its assets and washing its hands of its shady actions for good. Digging deeper into the four co-founders of Resurgence and knowing more about where to look, Hailey and Jay were able to find email exchanges between them all discussing what to do with the patent plans for the stolen design in case there ever came a time to reintroduce the tech to the market. The strategy was to split the plans between the four of them, each keeping a piece locked up on a thumb drive hidden in a safe.

As soon as the sun rose that morning, Hailey called Voight and the rest of the team to come in. She explained the connection and identified the brothers as suspects, describing how the robberies must have been to obtain the thumb drives and get vengeance for the way Resurgence screwed them over. The situation had a significant impact on the brothers’ lives, leading them to turn to a life of crime, describing how they got connected with an armed robbery crew, and began pulling jobs across the city before getting caught only a year after Resurgence blacklisted them from the tech industry. They were released early due to overcrowding and good behavior, so they got out, hacked into the emails of the individuals that ruined their lives, and found out the design was out there, still viable to be profited from. Running on anger and revenge and using the skills they developed in their time with the robbery crew, they sought to take back what was theirs. They were operating under the theory that the two brothers were committing the crimes, and a guy that used to run with them in their old robbery crew was taking on the role as the getaway driver.

“Well, let’s go scoop ‘em up,” Voight said upon hearing the rundown of the case.

“Sarge, as much as I want to bring these guys in, we don’t have any evidence on them. There’s been no DNA, no prints, no witnesses tying these guys to these cases. There’s no way they’re going to talk, and if we bring them in, they’re just going to get released even if we keep them for the full 48 hours. By then they’ll have already made plans to run,” Jay said.

“These guys have killed nine people, three of those people being little kids. If we don’t act now, they’re going to strike again and that’s going to be blood on our hands. We bring them in, and we make them talk. I don’t care if we have to threaten them, or if we get ‘em to flip on each other. Either way, we’re not just going to sit around and wait for something to happen on this one. Not when we’ve got a pile of bodies growing the longer we sit here with our thumbs up our asses. So, Hailey, Jay, I want you two going to pick these guys up,” Voight bit back, a distinct annoyance in his voice. He had been on edge throughout the entirety of the case, but his temper seemed to have only increased after walking up on Jay and Hailey at the scene a day prior.

As much as Hailey wanted to side with Voight, she knew Jay was right. Bringing them in with no evidence and no witnesses placing them at any of the scenes would only guarantee them getting to walk, something she was determined to not let happen.

“Sarge, we can’t,” she muttered, swallowing what felt like a rock in her throat as his face fell with bitter surprise.

“What?” He challenged, his head dropping down as he cut his eyes at her.

“Jay is right. We can’t just jump on these guys with no evidence or else we risk losing them for good. I know you want to get these guys quick, but there’s got to be a better play,” she replied, taking note of the uncomfortable looks expressed by the other Intelligence members who quietly observed the interaction from the other side of the room. She watched as he pulled the inside of his cheek between his teeth.

“Remind me, who’s the sergeant of this unit?” The question carried a great deal of weight, and everyone in the room fell silent as his eyes travelled between each of the five intelligence members. “You don’t have to agree with what I say, but there’s a chain of command here and I expect you to listen to me. Now, unless there’s another sergeant in this unit I’m unaware of, I’m in charge. So, I’m only going to say this one last time. Jay, Hailey, go pick these guys up. I have to go update Miller on what’s going on. Those guys better be sitting in interrogation when I get back. End of,” he roared, making his way past the officers who remained frozen in place.

While Adam, Kevin, and Kim went back to work, Hailey grabbed her jacket, heading down the hallway out to the parking lot to follow the sergeant’s orders.

“Hailey, wait,” Jay called after her, grabbing her arm and pulling her into the observation room where he knew the others wouldn’t be able to hear them.

“What?” She questioned, a look of concern on her face as he silently thought through his words.

“I think I have another play,” he told her.

“Jay, he seemed- “she began before he cut her off.

“No, I know, but you know I’m right. We bring these guys in now and these families will never get the justice they deserve. We know there’s only one family left on their list, Lianne Meadows. The only move we have left is to catch these guys in the act. I say we sit on her house and wait for the robbery to go down, snatch them up, and then we have the guns tying them to the other cases and we have leverage to get them to flip if we need to,” Jay told her, the look in his eyes pleading with her to agree.

She knew Jay was right, but she also knew what going against Voight’s orders would mean. By that point, it was safe to assume he knew about their relationship. She knew that alone would be cause for him to assign them to different partners or even to different units. Teaming up and going against him would only increase the chances of him pulling the trigger on that. From the start of the case, she knew she wanted to catch the guys no matter what, but she never imagined it would involve making a decision that could possibly jeopardize her partnership with Jay. Every part of her knew his way was the only option that gave them a chance of making things right, yet she knew there would be a cost to them both going against Voight’s orders.

“You’re right… but let me do it alone,” she told him, causing him to frown at her words.

“What? No, I can’t let you go after these guys by yourself,” he argued, a combination of concern and annoyance in his voice.

“Jay, if we do this together it’s only going to give him reason to split us up. I have a feeling we’re already on his hit list after everything that has happened these past few days, and if he sees that we’re siding with each other… going rogue against his orders? He could reassign us partners, or worse, ship one of us off again. You, this partnership, our relationship, it all means too much to me to risk. If I go alone, only I take the fall, and he doesn’t have reason to use our relationship against us,” Hailey told him, moving a hand to his chest as she spoke.

Pushing him away and crossing that line by herself was the only way she knew how to protect both their relationship and their partnership. With her history of crossing lines, she had hoped it would just seem like another questionable decision she made all on her own, and he wouldn’t have reason to punish both of them by splitting them up.

“Hailey, I’m not just letting you go there without backup,” he finally said, his jaw set tightly as he peered into her eyes.

“I’ll have Trudy assign some patrol guys for backup. That way you and the others don’t take fall back from Voight, but I won’t be going in alone,” she replied, moving the hand from his chest to cup his face. “I’ll be fine,” she told him.

He nodded hesitantly before sliding his fingers down her arm and wrapping his hand around hers.

“Be careful,” he insisted, squeezing her hand lightly.

“Of course,” she nodded back before opening the door and disappearing down the hall.

She sat out front of the house, the patrol officers waiting a street over for her signal. It had been about an hour and she had already dodged two calls from Voight. Her patience was running thin with every minute that passed without a sign of the crew. Then, she spotted a dark van creeping down the street and she slumped down in her seat, trying to avoid being seen. As the van approached the house, two men rolled out of the back door as the van maintained a low speed before stopping down at the end of the street. The second the men made it around the back of the house, Hailey radioed the patrol guys, climbing out of her car and drawing her weapon as she followed the offenders around the back. When the patrol guys caught up, she nodded to one of them, signaling them to open the back door and enter the home. The second they made it through the doorway, they were catching fire. Hailey took cover behind a door frame, keying her radio attached to her vest.

“10-1, 10-1, shots fired at the police, 1327 N Dearborn Street. Be advised patrol and plainclothes officers on scene,” she yelled into the radio, securing her free hand back on her gun before motioning the officers to press forward. They made their way into the house, carefully clearing each room as they passed through. When they made it to the front of the house, she caught sight of one of the guys escaping out the front door.

“5021 Henry I’m in foot pursuit of a suspect in an alleyway going west across the street from the original location,” she called out into the radio as she pumped her legs with each step, trying to control her breath as she chased after the suspect. He rounded a corner and she slowed down, holding her gun out to peer around the corner before continuing the pursuit. The next thing she knew, her gun was being kicked out of her hands and she was being thrown against the wall, hitting the side of her head against brick and feeling blood trickle down her face. She brought a knee up into her attacker’s groin, giving her a brief opening to connect an elbow with the side of his head. Falling to the ground, the man grabbed at her ankle, bringing her down with him before grabbing hold of her vest and laying a fist into her jaw. The blow sent her backward, shooting pain into the side of her face. She caught sight of her gun on the ground a few feet away and went to crawl for it, but he grabbed at her leg, drawing her backward toward him as she stretched her fingertips towards the handle. He was stronger than her, and he managed to pull her back enough to regain hold of her vest, winding up to lay another fist into her face. Before he could, she wrapped a leg around his, twirling him over so she was hovering over him. She began laying fist after fist into his masked face until she suddenly felt a hand on her shoulder. She flinched, sending her elbow backwards towards the person. It was grabbed instantly, and she wiggled in the grasp before turning around and taking in the familiar green eyes of her partner.

“Hailey, we got him,” he said, holstering his gun and grabbing her by each arm to pull her up from the ground. Kim came from behind him, removing the mask from the offender and rolling him over to place him in cuffs. Meanwhile, Jay wrapped Hailey in his arms, bringing his chin down to her head as they swayed together in an embrace. Her breath was heavy and shaky, and she felt tears pool at the corners of her eyes. She was overwhelmed by everything that had just happened, but his arms wound tightly around her helped steady her breathing.

“It’s okay Hailey, you’re safe. I’ve got you,” he reassured her through a whisper. She took comfort in his words, and despite the pain surging through her head, she buried it deeper into his chest.

Luckily, they had reached the target and her family in time before the offenders could do any harm. Hailey went to Med to get her head checked out. A few stitches and several scans later, she was cleared, making her way back to the district to take whatever repercussions Voight had in store for her. The second she made it up the stairs, everyone’s eyes fell on her and she just flashed them a gentle smile and nod, signaling to them she was okay. Voight came to the doorway of his office, and she didn’t miss a beat heading straight towards him. However, just before she reached the door, his attention shifted over towards Jay at his desk.

“You too, Jay,” was all the sergeant said before turning and moving back into his office. Jay stood, making his way over and closing the door behind him before coming to stand beside Hailey across from the Voight’s desk. He looked over at them silently for a moment, Hailey setting her jaw tightly as she braced for whatever was to come.

“Are we just making a habit out of disobeying me and questioning my orders? Is that what we’re doing now?” He asked them. They remained silent. “Because if that’s what we’re doing and you’ve got a problem with how I run things, there’s the door. You can get out right now,” he told them sternly.

“Sarge, we needed to get those guys. Catching them in the act was the only way. I did what I had to do to make sure those families got justice,” Hailey said, her eyes remaining fixed with his.

“I told you to pick them up, bring them in, and instead you went your own way, putting that family, yourself, and a couple of patrol officers at risk. I could suspend you over this,” he argued, a distinct tension building in his voice.

“Sarge, it was my idea. If anyone deserves punishment, it’s me,” Jay admitted, causing Hailey’s head to swivel his direction, a cross look on her face as the words left his mouth.

“No, that’s not… Look, I went there on my own. I’m the only one to blame here,” Hailey argued causing him to shake his head before them.

“Okay, look. I know there’s something going on between you two, I have known for a while,” the second the words left his mouth, their eyes met briefly, and they both swallowed hard before turning back to him. “I decided to turn a blind eye because you two were able to keep it strictly professional here at work as far as I was concerned. But what happened today, what’s happening right now… this lying to me and covering for each other is not welcome in my unit. This is your warning and it’s the only one you’re going to get. As long as I’m in charge of this unit, you listen to me. You don’t go off-book, you don’t go behind my back because you disagree with what I say, and you certainly don’t let whatever is going on between you two change the way you make decisions. I know you guys are going to have each other’s backs… as partners and as whatever else, but the second that trumps having my back and the team's back, the way it did today, it undermines my authority and puts all of us at risk. If anything happens again like what happened today, you’re both done, and I’ll make sure you never work in the same unit again. Is that clear?” He asked them.

“Understood,” Jay replied.

“Yes, Sarge,” Hailey uttered, her heart rate dropping significantly with relief.

They drove home that night in silence, partly from exhaustion and partly from trying to process everything that had happened in the past 72 hours. Three days ago, they were on their first official date, celebrating their relationship for what felt like the first time, and now they were coming down from what could have easily been the end of their job and their partnership. Even though she hated the way it had to go down, she stood by having Jay’s back and trying to protect their relationship, even if it meant muddying the waters between them and Voight. From the start of the case, she was determined to catch the guys, chasing a small sense of redemption she felt she needed for that case she worked so many years prior. She wasn’t happy about everything that happened, particularly everything that went wrong, but she was able to save a family and get some form of justice for the others, and she stood by that firmly. It wasn’t the first time she had challenged Voight or crossed lines, but it was the first time she was genuinely fearful of the consequences. She was just glad her fears didn’t come to fruition. She looked over at Jay in the driver’s seat, and she remembered the way he told her she was safe after pulling her from the attacker only hours prior. Safe wasn’t something she had felt often in her life, but she certainly felt it when she was with him. She smiled to herself in the dark, satisfied to know that at least for that day, despite everything that happened, their relationship and their partnership were two things she could still consider safe.

#upstead #jay x hailey #hailey x jay #chicago pd #hailey upton #jay halstead #upstead fic

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heyyyharry · 4 years ago

Text

Tired of Me

(a blurb from the My Girl Series)

…in which Harry is too tired for sex and thinks Y/N is tired of him.

Warning: SMUT, daddy kink, mention of cockwarming.

AU: older!harry (4-year age gap), actor!harry, writer!y/n.

Word count: 2.6k

Harry couldn’t get it up.

This had never happened before. He’d always been able to get it up no matter how knackered he’d been, and he’d always been proud of himself for his high sex drive. But now he was lying on his back, naked, with his half-hard dick resting on his thigh and his girl kneeling between his legs, staring at his manhood with a defeated expression on her face.

He’d apologised, feeling glad that the room was too dark for her to see him blushing, and offered to eat her out.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to,” she said and planted a soft kiss on his lips. “You’d just had a long flight. I should have let you rest.”

Then she threw the covers over their naked bodies and snuggled up against him. He didn’t feel relieved that she’d let him off without a fight. She’d been so horny and literally thrown herself at him the second he’d arrived at the front door. Why didn’t she just let him eat her out? He’d feel less guilty that way. Had his soft dick turned her off? Harry knew these thoughts were ridiculous, and yet, they kept him awake until early morning.

What if she was tired of him?

“I’m tired of him.”

Those were the actual words from his girlfriend’s mouth.

She was on the phone with her best friend Celine. Harry hadn’t meant to eavesdrop; he’d only come downstairs to make himself a cup of coffee, and as he’d got to the kitchen door, he’d heard her say those words. Maybe he’d jumped into conclusion way too fast, but you couldn’t blame him for being insecure after last night. He’d meant to make it up to her this morning, giving her the most mind-blowing morning sex she’d ever had, but when he’d woken up with a hard dick, she’d already locked herself in the library to finish the chapter she’d been writing last night.

“I tried to help him; I really did, but he couldn’t do it. Yeah, I know I’m a bit harsh but I think he doesn’t have that in him anymore. I’m gonna give him one last chance. If it happens again, I’ll have to leave him.”

Harry gulped, hard.

His girl was going to break up with him because he could no longer satisfy her in bed. Could it be possible that she was talking about something else? No. He could not think of any other situation where those words would apply better than the situation last night. If he was going to lose her because of a half-hard dick, he would live with shame for the rest of his life (the lack of caffeine had made him a bit melodramatic).

However, she’d said she’d give him another chance, so it wasn’t over for them yet. If she was really bored with him, he could still turn this around.

It was 11 PM. Y/N was writing in bed when she heard a loud thump downstairs like someone had knocked over a chair. She jolted and shot her eyes to the door.

“I’m okay!” Harry shouted.

She put a hand on her chest and sagged in relief.

Harry had attended a red carpet event tonight and stayed for the after-party. She hadn’t expected him to come home before midnight, but thank God, he had. Even with all those bodyguards escorting him everywhere he went, she would still get worried every time he stayed out until morning and was too drunk to answer his phone.

“Hey, babe,” she said as her boyfriend emerged from the doorway, leaning a shoulder against it and beaming drunkenly at her. “Did you have fun?”

“Uh-huh.” He nodded and careened toward the bed. She closed the laptop, knowing Harry always demanded her full attention when he was drunk. Most of the men she’d been with had been rough and aggressive and loud when they drank too much. Not Harry, though. Her Harry would become soft and emotional and clingy; she’d got enough videos of him being drunk that could make him the number one Twitter trend for a whole month. But of course, she kept them to herself and might leak them at his birthday party or their wedding reception, because she was a nice girlfriend.

Clumsy and disoriented, Harry collapsed almost on top of her. The smell of vodka wafted all around them as he buried his face into her neck and inhaled her scent as if she was air and he’d just been hauled up from underwater.

She was only wearing a tiny silk dress, no underwear, and she knew how it made him feel; when he flipped them over so she’d straddle his thighs, his hard cock was poking at her pussy.

He nosed along her jawline, causing all her hackles to erect as one of his large hands started palming her breast over the silk. “I’m so hard,” he murmured between wet kisses.

She didn’t protest when he pushed up her dress and closed his hot mouth around one of her nipples. He pressed a hand against her back and tongued at her breast like a puppy with his chew toy. She gasped, arching her back to encourage him.

With his eyelids fluttering and a nipple still in his mouth, he pleaded, “I want you so bad. Can you fuck me, please?”

His hands clutched her thighs and tried to move her against him. It felt good. She wasn’t going to lie and say that she didn’t want to pull down his pants and fuck him senseless. However, she would never fuck him when he was this drunk.

“I don’t want to fuck you if you’re not going to remember it in the morning,” she said sweetly. Harry pulled back and blinked at her. To her surprise, he didn’t even beg. His hands dropped down limply onto the bed as he tossed his head back, his eyes pinched shut. He exhaled sharply. “You don’t want to fuck me at all. You’re tired of me...”

The accusation made her flinch. She cupped his cheeks and tilted his head up. Her eyes locked with his bloodshot green. “Hey, what was that? Why did you say that?”

“Is it not true?” he huffed, his voice brittle as if he was on the verge of tears. “I couldn’t get hard last night, and now you don’t want to fuck me and I’m gonna lose you because my dick was not hard enough.”

“That’s absurd, Harry!” she cried out, trying to stifle a laugh. Drunk Harry was funny without trying.

He slowly shook his head, his expression serious. “You said that. I heard you.”

“I never said that.”

She didn’t know why she was arguing with him while he was too drunk to make sense of himself. But drunk or not, she couldn’t have him think she was tired of him for one time he couldn’t get it up.

“You did,” he said, assuredly. “You told Cece. I’m not...not mad at you for thinking it but you told Cece. Cece would laugh at me.”

“What?! I never—”

Then, it hit her.

She went stiff, her eyes widened. “Oooooh.”

She wasn’t sure if he looked hurt or angry or smug that he was right. Whatever that look on his face meant, it was as hilarious as him misunderstanding her phone call with Celine.

“I was talking about Cece’s brother,” she said, holding his cheeks. “He used to be friends with you in school, remember?” Harry nodded, his eyebrows slightly furrowed. “He was trying to get into the publishing industry. I agreed to help him by reading his stuff and giving constructive comments. He was good at first but then he thought he was too good and he started to give me attitudes. I tried to help but I got frustrated and I was thinking of leaving him to work it out on his own. It had nothing to do with you.”

“Oh…” Harry’s face dulled as realisation dawned on him. Now, he seemed sorry, and his voice suddenly lowered, “I wasn’t eavesdropping, by the way. I accidentally heard it.”

“Doesn’t matter.” She shook her head. “I would never tell Cece something so personal about you. I love you.”

“I’m sorry,” Harry pouted, his face red; she wasn’t sure he was bushing because he was embarrassed or because he was drunk. “I don’t know why I couldn’t get it up. I think I’m getting old, Bambi. That was only a beginning.”

“You’re only four years older than me! You’re so melodramatic.”

“Don’t laugh. It’s not funny!” he demanded, but she couldn’t stop now that she’d started. She was doubled over on top of him, hugging her stomach and shaking with violent laughter. “Stop it,” he whined, tugging at her dress. “My feelings are hurt.”

“Aww, baby, I’m sorry,” she pouted.

His breath caught as she rubbed his massive bulge with her hand, biting her lip while holding his gaze. He pulled her face down and locked his mouth to hers. She moaned into the needy kiss, loving the way his cock grew and twitched in her palm.

“Can I at least fuck you now to prove I can still get it?” he asked raspily.

She smirked. “The fact that you’re still hard despite your feelings being hurt is proof that you can still get it.” This time, he let out a chuckle. She continued stroking his erection over his trousers. “You don’t have to prove anything.”

“I still want to fuck you, though.”

“Well, I can suck your cock,” she said, slowly unbuttoning his shirt. “I haven’t had your cock in my mouth for so long. Kinda miss it.”

Harry’s lips parted with a dazed look on his face as she drew back and crawled down his body until her face was level with his large bulge. His hips bucked as she kissed it lightly and began to fumble with the zipper. She held his eye contact as she unzipped his pants and pulled it down to mid-thigh, revealing the tight black boxers he’d got on. Harry squirmed impatiently when she started palming him through them.

“Don’t fucking tease,” he gasped.

She whispered, “Sorry,” and arched her back so that her bum was higher and her dress slid down to her back; she was bare from her waist down. He pushed himself up to grab a handful of her arse. Her breath caught as he spanked her gently and squeezed the spot where it stung.

She was so wet that her thighs felt sticky, yet she told herself to keep her mind focused on him. She took the swollen tip of his cock into her mouth before sinking her head down, making a content sound in the back of her throat once she’d taken as much as she could. Harry’s airy chuckle turned into a moan when she met his eyes. He fisted her hair gently, his muscles bunched as his cock jerked in her mouth.

“You like it when I stuff your mouth full with my cock, don’t you?”

She hummed in response before bobbing her head, using her hand at the base where she couldn’t get into her mouth. Her other hand slipped down to stroke her clit. It didn’t feel as good as when Harry touched her, but she was so horny, anything that helped her release some tension would do.

Harry growled as he fucked lazily into her mouth, guiding her head up and down by her hair. “Don’t come yet...I want to play with you later.”

She shot him a glare through her wet lashes and moaned in frustration. Still, she obeyed and withdrew her other hand to place it on his thigh. His skin felt hot. Beads of sweat were rolling down from his chest to his abs. Her mouth continued going up and down his shaft, precome oozing out of his tip and she was drooling so much it’d gotten quite messy. From the way Harry was staring at her unblinkingly, she knew he was trying his best not to come at the sight. Her man loved a messy blow job. He’d come so hard the first time she’d let him shoot his cum all over her face and chest. She bet he was thinking about it now.

“Fuck,” he hissed, his nostrils flared. “You look so pretty with my cock in your mouth.”

She pulled off, breathless and started stroking him with both hands. “I love your cock, Daddy. You taste so good. Want your cum in my mouth.”

Harry groaned loudly and threw his head back into the pillow. His soft chants of her name almost got her off. As he arched his back off the bed and released into her mouth, she swallowed as much as she could, some of it dripping down her chin, and Harry continued coming as he muttered curses while watching her take all that he gave.

Once she’d sucked him clean and sat up, panting and wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, he seized her by the hips and dragged her back to his lap. He kissed her passionately, tasting himself on her swollen red lips. They only broke off so he could pull her dress over her head, and she grabbed his wrist and guided his fingers to her entrance.

“This is how tired I am of you, Harry,” she told him with a mischievous grin. His mouth fell open slightly, mimicking her expression when he pushed a finger into her wet cunt. Her fingers tightened around his wrist as he started fucking her with his hand. She held the back of his neck and started moving her hips.

“Look at you,” he said between gritted teeth. “Fucking yourself on Daddy’s finger. You wish it were my cock, don’t you?”

“Yes, Daddy…” She croaked and wrapped both arms around his neck, bringing their sweaty foreheads together and trying to keep her eyes open. He’d inserted another finger and was fucking her hard and fast. It felt mind-numbing good. She hadn’t been fucked for a week; she wouldn’t last long. When she was almost there, she knotted her hands in his curls and sobbed out his name. She was afraid he'd deny her orgasm, but drunk Harry was always the nicest. He told her to come all over him. She was shaking in his arm, panting into his neck as he fucked her through her release.

It wasn’t until she pried her eyes open to look up at her boyfriend that he slipped his fingers out of her and sucked them clean. He kissed her afterwards so she could taste herself on his tongue. She grinned, still shuddering with post-orgasm chills.

They stayed there for a while, glued together by their own sweat as he traced his fingers up and down her spine and pecked her hair once in a while.

“I’m not marrying you for your dick,” she said breathlessly.

He didn’t expect that, so he burst out laughing. “Thanks. My dick and I appreciate that.”

She arched an eyebrow at him, her cheek on his chest. “I guess you’re more sobered now, huh?”

“Hmmm.” His mouth curled. “Can we take a bath together?”

“We never just take a bath,” she reminded him. “And I’m too tired for more fucking.”

Harry let out a soft chuckle as he twirled a strand of her hair around his index finger. “We don’t have to fuck. Maybe cockwarming. I just need a reason to be inside you.”

She raised her head, amused. “You’re annoyingly horny and kinky when you’re drunk.”

“But you love me?” To her surprise, it sounded like a question.

“But I love you,” she confirmed, grabbed his face and kissed him again. “Don’t you ever doubt that.”

#harry smut #harry styles smut #harry styles fluff #harry styles #harry styles writing #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles imagine #harry styles imagines #harry styles one shot #harry styles one shots #harry styles x reader #harry styles x you #harry styles series

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tryingmybestpls · 4 years ago

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Liability

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Stark!Reader, platonic!Sam Wilson x Reader, platonic!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: The reader deals with the repercussions of Steve’s actions and death of the three people closest to her.

Rating: R

Word Count: 4k

Warnings: Mentions of suicide, mentions of death, feeling alone, depression, you know the vibes

Bucky and Sam had been put in charge of making sure Y/N Stark was okay. Steve had made them promise on his deathbed that they would look after her. Of course they had agreed, not wanting to argue with a dying man. Sam and Y/N were best friends and well, Bucky had nothing else to do and he wasn't going to disobey his best friend's wishes.

Things were okay for the first month after Steve died. Well, as okay as it could be all things considered.

Bucky and Sam moved into the townhouse that Y/N had shared with Steve to make sure she was okay. It was unspoken agreement between the three of them: they were going to move in since they didn't have any other place to go and Y/N had more than enough room. She had just lost her brother, her best friend, and the man she loves so they expected her to be barely holding on, to be extremely upset-but she seemed okay. Sure there was moments were she would suddenly start crying or days were she wouldn't come out of the room she had shared with Steve, but both men had expected this. Y/N was grieving after all.

Then she told them that she was going to stay upstate with her sister-in-law and niece. Y/N missed them and wanted to make sure they were doing okay. Sam and Bucky thought nothing of this-in fact, they were happy that she wanted to see them. Her face seemed to light up when talked about her upcoming trip and both men thought that being away from the city and with her family would greatly benefit her.

Y/N had given them both a hug the day she left, telling them that she would give them a call when she had arrived at Pepper's. Nothing had seemed amiss as they had helped her fill her trunk with bags.Sam had offer to drive her, but she had insisted that she can drive upstate by herself. Y/N had looked so happy, truly happy when she climbed into the car. She had given them a huge smile as she waved, pulling away from the curb. Both men had felt so relieved, thinking that this was the best thing for her. For the first time after Steve has died, they felt like a weight has been lifted off their shoulders.

Y/N called later in the day when she had arrived at Pepper's. She painted a vivid picture of how excited Pepper and Morgan were to see her, how good it felt to be around her family. Y/N had even said that her and Pepper talked about Tony, which Y/N had said made her feel a lot better, made her feel not so alone. Bucky and Sam were happy and content with her situation, making her promise she'd call again.

For the first couple of weeks, she did call. Y/N always had something to tell them too. Sometimes it was her and Morgan had spent the whole day swimming in the lake or her and Pepper attempted to make some vegan sourdough bread. Y/N always sounded happy over the phone, which made Bucky and Sam think that things were looking up, that she was getting better.

And then the calls stopped.

The calls stopping wasn't an immediate cause for concern. Bucky didn't believe that Y/N, -as a grown woman-needed to check in with them every single day or every single week. Sam wasn't as so optimistic. He knew Y/N and he knew that she kept her promises. Even if she had gotten busy or was doing really good, she would have at least sent them a text. It wasn't like her to go completely dark on them. But he also know it wasn't his place to force Y/N to check in. After all, she was an adult.

And then Rhodey had called.

Sam and Rhodey didn't call each other a lot so when his name popped up on Sam's phone, the Falcon knew that this situation was serious. Sam wished for the best, hoped that Rhodey was just calling about a mission or something have to do with the government.

He wasn't so lucky.

"Hey is everything okay with Y/N? She hasn't been answering her phone." Rhodey questioned, immediately making Sam's stomach drop.

"She's upstate with Pepper. She left a month ago. I thought you knew that." Sam replied, which quickly got Bucky's attention. Bucky stood up a little straighter, his eyebrows knitting together.

"Sam, I'm upstate with Pepper and she hasn't seen Y/N since Steve's funeral." Rhodey quickly responded, following by a sigh and some muttered curse words. Sam felt sick to his stomach, bile rising up in his throat.

Rhodey explained that Y/N had been calling Pepper every day, but the calls stopped a few weeks ago. Rhodey had tried to tell her that Y/N was probably just busy, but Pepper knew something was wrong. So Rhodey had called, trying to ease Pepper's worries. Sam told him that Y/N had said she was going up to go see Pepper and Morgan. Her calls to him having stopped around the same time as her calls to Pepper did.

Y/N Stark had just vanished into thin air.

Sam knew they had to work backwards in order to find out some idea of where she was and that had led them to the closed door leading into Y/N's room. Neither of them had been on the other side of the door. It wasn't their place to go into her room, their room. Yet, seeing that no one knew where Y/N was, they didn't have much of choice.

Bucky and Sam didn't know what to expect when they walked through the white door, but they didn't expect everything to seem so...neat. Everything seemed perfect. The bed was made, clothes were neatly put away. One thing that did seem weird is that all of the pictures in the room were all laying picture side face down on the surfaces they were on. Pictures that were hanging on the walls were covered with a multitude of things-a t-shirt, a pillowcase, or a scarf. While it wasn't an immediate cause for concern, it did make both men feel incredibly uneasy. The pictures aside, everything looked normal and incredibly clean. Not a thing was out of place.

Other than her cell phone, resting on the dresser. The same phone that had been calling both Pepper and Sam.

There's one thing that remains completely consistent with the Starks and that's the fact they are both incredibly smart.

Y/N Stark had been on the run with Steve, Sam, Nat, and Wanda. She was good at hiding, amazing at it. Y/N knew that her phone could be tracked and that they would be able to see what location she was calling from. While Sam wanted to just give her the benefit of the doubt and just pretend she was hiding out on a resort somewhere, he knows better. The fact that she had created a system to talk to both Sam and Pepper using prerecorded responses hinted at something much darker-something that he tried not to think about.

After some digging and pulling some strings, Rhodey and Sam find security camera footage of Y/N buying four different bouquets. They're able to follow her car via the footage to three different cemeteries. Upon visiting each one, the three men find that she had left flowers for her parents, Tony, Natasha, and Steve. Using the time stamps on the videos, they learn that she spent almost an hour at each cemetery, with the last one being the cemetery where Steve was buried. After that, the trail went cold and they were back at square one.

Then her car was found by Rhodey, exactly halfway between the city and Pepper's home, hidden on an old stretch of road.

Every piece of luggage was perfectly in its place, exactly where Bucky and Sam had helped her put it. Her shoes that she had been wearing had been left on the passenger seat, her wallet left behind in the glovebox with not a card out of place. There was no signs of a struggle. It just look like she pulled off the the side of the road for a minute. Y/N didn't want to be found and since she didn't want to be found, she had been smart. If someone had taken her, they would have been sloppy and messed up along the way. Not Y/N. She knew better.

The people that she had left behind were at a complete lost. They were all terrified, none of them wanting to think about what might have happened to Y/N or what she was capable of. She had lost three people incredibly close to her-her brother, her best friend, and the man she loves. People have lost a lot less and done a lot worse to others and themselves.

"Is there anywhere the two of them had? Any special place they'd go?" Sam asks Pepper once all of their leads dried up. The woman is clearly distraught, wringing her hands and her eyes rimmed with red. Rhodey hadn't wanted ask Pepper, but they were left with no other option. It doesn't take long for her to answer. She must've been thinking and thinking about where her sister-in-law has gone the couple of weeks they have been looking.

"There was this little farm house an hour outside of the city that Steve kept telling her that they were going to raise a family in. It-It has a big oak tree. You can't miss it." She answers, looking up at Sam and Bucky, "Please, please find her."

Pepper was right. They couldn't miss the house.

It was an aging colonial located in the middle of nowhere, with farmland and forest surrounding it. Its white siding was covered in moss in place, making it look more green than eggshell. The wrap around porch had been ripped off in places, leaving gaps. Some of the emerald green shutters have been torn off completely or were hanging by a single hinge. Most of the windows were broken and Sam was pretty sure it was leaning to the left a little. On the second story, an entire part of the roof has caved in. The best part of the entire place was giant oak tree. It was absolutely massive-probably the biggest that either man had seen. An old tire swing hung from one of the lower branches, the rope fraying but still somehow holding on.

Bucky and Sam glance at each other before getting out of the car and walking up the gravel driveway. It was eerily quiet and everything seemed to be at a standstill out here. The porch steps creaked and felt like it was going to collapse under their feet. The porch itself was warped, some planks missing completely. Sam sighed and carefully knocked on the door, really hoping for the best. There was no response, so he tried again. When there was no answer again, Sam reached for the door knob, finding it unlocked. The door creaked open loudly and both men were prepared to see the absolute worse waiting for them inside.

Yet when Sam and Bucky step inside the house, their eyes immediately land on her.

Y/N was nestled in a nook of one of the windows that still had glass in its panels, knees drawn up into her chest. Old, moldy, and decaying furniture from decades earlier still filled the home. Mementos of someone else's family and life left behind, as if the home's inhabitants had gotten up one day and never came back. Pictures still left in their frames, their photos weathered and abandoned, It reminded Bucky of home, of the life he was ripped away from and he understands why Steve had like the house so much. It was a house that was out of place and out of time, just like the Star Spangled Man With A Plan.

"I was hoping you guys just let me be." Y/N announces, not bothering to turn her head to look at the pair. She rests her head against the window, nails digging into her calves. She was wearing a dress that was once white and the men could see her skin was littered with cuts and bruises.

"We just wanted to make sure you were okay." Sam announces, taking a step forward. The warped wood floors creak under his weight, announcing his movement. Y/N chuckles humorlessly, her breath fogging up the dingy glass.

"He said that we were gonna buy this house. Told me that he was going to marry me and we were going to settle down. Told me that we were going to have a family together. Told me that he wanted a family. Told me that for five years." She tells them unprompted, eyes flicking down to look at her knees, "And he did want all of that. Just not with me. I was just a replacement for her."

Bucky and Sam don't know how to respond. They know that there's nothing they can do, no way that they can defend Steve for his actions. Neither of them were happy with the man abandoning his grieving girlfriend in order to live out a half-baked fantasy. Y/N knows this too, which is why she continues.

"I told him to go. I told him if that's what he wanted that he could go. Told him I was going to be okay. He had already made his mind up at that point. For some reason, I-I didn't think he'd actually leave." Her voice cracks, her cool facade crumbling. Her nails digging deep crescents into her legs, "Why-Why would he leave me? I just lost Nat and Tony and he left-"

Tears roll down her cheeks as she releases her grip on her legs, loosening her hold. Her lower lip quivers, unable to rein her emotions back in. The question wasn't for Bucky or Sam and honestly, Y/N doesn't even know who she is asking.

"My brother-My brother got his family and I-Steve kept telling me that we were going to get married and have a house full of kids." She forces the words out through the emotion, finally turning to look at Bucky and Sam, "Did you know that he and Peggy had three children together, Sam? I don't think he told you that when you got the shield."

Her eyes flick back down to look at her knees, tears rolling down her face. The house has gotten a lot colder, especially as the sky starts to darken outside. Y/N lifts her head, resting it against the frame of the window.

"I bought this house. It was going to be his Christmas present this year. A push in the right direction, if you will. Tony told me not to do it, said it was a bad idea. And he was right. He was always right." Y/N announces, a bitter laugh slipping out of her mouth, "And now I'm stuck with this fucking shithole."

For the past eight years, Y/N has been in a relationship with Steve. He was the man she loved, the man who she saw herself marrying and having children with. Y/N had turned on her brother and gone on the run with Steve, even though she knew that might cut off ties from the only family she has. When Thanos snapped his fingers and made half of the universe disappear, Y/N had clung to her boyfriend. Sure she'd go visit Tony, Pepper, and Morgan and would occasionally see Natasha, but she practically spent every waking moment with Steve. After the Snap, after she saw how happy her brother was, she knew she wanted a family. And Steve-Steve just kept telling her that they would have a family one day.

Y/N had been too distracted to see the cracks in their relationship. She was too in love with Steve to see that he hadn't loved her the same amount. Too in love to see that she was only a replacement for the woman he truly loved. When the cracks started to slip through, Y/N tried her best to fix them by making excuses. She had layered and layered excuses onto of each other in order to hold her relationship together. And while Y/N should've known better, she just didn't want to face the music and see everything for what it was.

That had worked until Natasha died, until her brother snapped his fingers. Until Steve told her that he was going to leave, not taking how she was feeling or what she was going through into consideration. Until he told her that he just didn't love her in that way. Until she had to keep how betrayed she felt to herself as she played the role of the dutiful, mournful girlfriend at his funeral. After that, everything came tumbling down around her and she was thrown back into reality.

"I told him.. told him that I wanted to end it all and he didn't care. Didn't even try to talk to me about it. Tony was the only family I've ever known and Nat was my best friend and he-he should've been there for me and he wasn't. He didn't care because he was already going to be gone. Another dead Stark didn't matter to him." Y/N turns her head and narrows her eyes at them, "That's why you two came here, isn't it? To make sure I didn't off myself?"

"We wanted to make sure you're safe-" Bucky starts, but Y/N quickly cuts him off with another bitter laugh. The super soldier glances at Sam, not knowing what to do in this situation.

"You wanted to? Don't bullshit me. You guys didn't move in with me or come to check on me because you two actually care about me. You two promised Steve that you'd watch over me, like I'm a fucking helpless child." Y/N snaps, glaring daggers at the two of them, "If he cared that much, he'd fucking be here, but he isn't. Steve made his choice and because of that, he doesn't get to have a say in my life anymore."

"Okay fine, we won't bullshit you. Yeah, he did ask us to take care of you, but you act like we weren't friends five years ago, Y/N. I have no idea what you're going through, but don't you dare act like I don't fucking care about you." Sam fires back, tears filling his eyes. More tears stream down her face as he continues, "Before the snap, you and me were thick as thieves. I care about you, Y/N, and you've had Pepper, Rhodey, and me all worried sick. Yeah, we were scared that you'd hurt yourself because we know you and I know how bad you got when we were in hiding, so we have every right to be worried about you."

It's incredibly quiet, quiet enough to hear a mouse sneeze. Bucky felt incredibly awkward standing there. He had only met Y/N a few times before he moved into her home and every time he had been around her, Steve was there. Obviously, he doesn't know Y/N as good as Sam does-hell, he barely knows anything about her-but he knows when someone is doing bad and Y/N is clearly doing bad.

Y/N leans her head forehead, pressing it against her knees for a moment. Her chest felt hollow, almost as if it was going to cave in on itself. She would love to pretend that she was doing completely okay, love to pretend that Sam and her family were wrong in their assumptions of why she had disappeared. Y/N would love to pretend like everything was okay, but she was tired. She was incredibly tired, utterly exhausted. Y/N was done trying to pretend like nothing was wrong, done hiding everything in order to keep up appearances for the people around her. She let a shakily breath slip out of her mouth as she lifts up her head, resting her chin on her knees. As if he could feel the energy in the room shift, Sam turns to look at Bucky, silently asking if he could leave. The super soldier nods and without a word, he walks out the front door, shutting it behind him. Sam knows Y/N and he knows for times like this, she doesn't need an audience. Its already extremely hard for her to share what she is feeling and having Bucky there isn't exactly helping.

"I can't do this anymore, Sam. I can't." Y/N admits quietly once the door is shut, tears steaming down her cheeks. "I tried to stick it out for Pepper and Morgan, but I can't. I-I was going to do it. I had a goodbye message recorded and everything."

Her confession sucks all of the air out of the room, the only noises being her sniffling and the sounds a house as old as this one makes. Sam can feel his heart breaking in his chest makes his way over to her, crossing the room in seconds. He moves to sit on the edge of the nook she's sitting on. Up close, Sam can see how red her eyes are, how dark her under eyes are. He knows she most likely hasn't gotten any actual rest in few days-most likely since she's been gone. Her legs and arms are all cut up and bruised, her white dress covered in dirt and occasionally some sprinkles of deep burgundy. Her cheeks seemed a little less full and Sam wonders when was the last time she ate was.

"And you wanted to do it here?" Sam asks, his voice soft. Y/N just nods in response, unable to look at him. The man clasps his hands together as he continues, treading the waters as carefully as possible, "I-I'm not going to pretend to understand what you're going through okay? I'm not going to bullshit you. All I know is that you're hurting and you have every right to be."

"It just hurts so much, Sam. Everything hurts and I-I don't want to hurt anymore." Y/N manages to get out, not bothering to wipe the tears that keep rolling down her cheeks, "I'm tired. I'm so God damn tired and I want to be with them."

"Do you think that's what Tony wants? Do you think he wants you to join him? Do you think that's what Nat wants you to do?" Sam questions delicately, to which Y/N shakes her 'no' in response, "I know it hurts, but ending it? They don't want that for you. We don't want that for you. You still have so much life to live, kid. And I know it's horrible right now. You're going through pain that is way too much for one person to carry, but you don't have to go through this alone. Sure I'm not Nat or your brother and I'm sure as hell not Steve-but I am here and I want to make sure you're okay."

Y/N raises her head to look at her friend and Sam can see the hurt written all over her face. Her pain is visible and he feels like a shitty friend for not noticing it beforehand. Sam carefully reaches out and rests his hand on top of hers, a tear slipping out of his eyes.

"Just come back with us, okay? It's not going to be easy and it's going to suck, but I can't bury another friend, Y/N." Sam's voice cracks, his throat constricting with emotion. It takes her moment-and for that moment Sam is absolutely petrified, wondering if he said all the wrong things, wondering if he made it all worse-but then she nods the world's tiniest nod before breaking out into full on sobs. It was like all of the pain and hurt had finally broken through and she was finally reacting to it all. Sam wrapped his arms around her tightly, holding her against his chest as she cried and cried over the family she lost.

#steve rogers x reader #sam wilson x reader #bucky barnes x reader #steve rogers #sam wilson #bucky barnes

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j4gm · 4 years ago

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Obsidian lore thread!

Sharing this thread of lore, episode connections, and Easter eggs from Adventure Time: Distant Lands: Obsidian, originally written for my Twitter.

SPOILERS AHEAD, WATCH OBSIDIAN ON HBO MAX IF YOU HAVEN’T ALREADY

Keep reading for the full thread!

1) We've seen bombs scattered around the Land of Ooo before, but this is the first time we've seen the word "fission", confirming that they are nukes. Although we have seen the radiation roundel plenty of times so it's pretty obvious.

2) The "magic lightning" that created the Glass Kingdom could itself have been one of the nukes. Alternatively, it could have been the catalyst comet, although Finn has no connection to this place so that's probably not the case.

3) The subtitles for the first four minutes video suggested that Glassboy was saying "crap" here. However, the HBO Max subtitles confirm he is actually saying "crack".

4) All of Marceline's classic furniture is present, but Bubblegum's influence is very visible; a doily on the couch, a flask underneath, new barstools from the Candy Kingdom, and the pink lamp in the bedroom, just to name a few examples.

5) Lady Rainicorn slippers. That is all.

6) Chocoberry on the cover of a magazine. Looks like she's been dipped in white chocolate for this shoot.

7) This is the first time we've seen Choose Goose since he appeared as "Achoos Goose" in the Elements miniseries. Last time we saw his normal form was all the way back in season five's "Blade of Grass", nearly seven years ago. Is it weird that Choose Goose was the first thing in the episode to make me cry?

8) It appears that Princess Bubblegum has not rebuilt the Gumball Guardians since they were destroyed in the battle against GOLB.

9) There are lots of familiar candy people in and around the tavern, from a variety of seasons, including Kenneth, Dirt Beer Guy, Cherry Cream Soda, a Banana Guard 500, Lollipop Girl, and Smudge.

10) Simon is of course singing "Remember You". He is also using the omnichord that was used in that episode. Interestingly, this suggests he might remember some of his experiences as the Ice King.

11) This isn't the first time Dirt Beer Guy's tavern has hosted an open mic night. He also held one in "Son of Rap Bear", and even used the same banner, although it's looking a little tattered and worn out now.

12) Simon doesn't look any older than he did in the finale. This might mean that Betty's wish made him immortal, or it simply might not have been long enough for him to visibly age.

13) This is the oversized shirt given to Marceline by her father in the episode "Marcy & Hunson". It's looking a little faded these days.

14) Bubblegum's outfit is of a similar style to the one in "The Vault", but it's not the same. The fact she's not wearing her amulet might suggest this flashback takes place after "The Vault", but nothing is known for certain.

15) There are gravestones outside Marceline's house, but these actually aren’t new. They previously appeared in “Go With Me”. So don’t worry, these don’t belong to Jake or anything like that.

16) Simon's coping mechanism would be funny if it wasn't so sad. It's going to be a long time before he fully recovers. On a lighter note, the magnets on the fridge say "M PB" which is pretty cute.

17) This is our first time seeing the outside of Elise's van. We previously saw the interior in "Everything Stays". Also, we learned from the credits and subtitles that her name is Elise!

18) Previously, it wasn't known whether or not Elise survived the Mushroom War. Turns out she did... but not for long. It's also now unclear whether the flashback from "Everything Stays" happened before or after the war.

19) A nice little timeline detail: Marceline travelling with her mother for a while explains the awkward two year gap between the Mushroom War and the events of "Simon & Marcy".

20) Here's a comparison of the parts of Marceline's song that got corrupted into the current version. The Glass People got really obsessed with the idea of the song being about coconuts for some reason.

21) PB yelling "Scree!" to summon the Morrow is a callback all the way to the season two episode "Death in Bloom", which is when the Morrow made their debut.

22) Disease is added to the long list of things that helped wipe out humanity. I wonder if this disease is related to the one that Hugo and his crew gave to the grays in the BMO special. I also wonder if Marceline is immune thanks to her demon half.

23) The mutant puppy was able to say the word "wassup". Perhaps this is a halfway stage to the talking animals that now populate the Land of Ooo.

24) Turns out Marceline discovered her demon powers before she defeated the Fool. This is the first appearance of these kinds of soulless husks since "It Came From the Nightosphere" in season two.

25) This is the first new candy power we've seen Princess Bubblegum use since she learned how to create mints and soda in "Jelly Beans Have Power".

26) Marceline not caring about the glass people is very in line with her personality in the early seasons, such as when she was happy to let her father suck souls as long as she got her bass back.

27) No Easter egg here, just an extremely good image.

28) Here's the screenshot leaked by Adam Muto last month. Like the gas station in "Bonnibel Bubblegum", the graffiti here tells an interesting story. Seems like the Land of Ooo had a bit of a Mad Max phase while the humans were still around.

29) This is (as far as I know) only the second time an Adventure Time character has ever been shown bleeding. The first was the heart monster in "The Enchiridion", but that was a lot less realistic.

30) The fact that humans survived long enough to construct a whole Fallout-style bunker confirms that the near-extinction of humanity wasn't a quick process. It makes you wonder whether any other groups made it, besides the Islanders.

31) Apart from this being one of the darkest scenes in the entire show, I like the background detail of bank notes being used as toilet paper.

32) Marceline grew up blaming herself for her mother leaving, and says she is like her dad. It sounds like Elise has told Marceline a bit about Hunson Abadeer, and is scared and angry at him.

33) This actually isn't the first time Marceline's bass has been broken. She also snapped the handle during her fight with the Vampire King. However, it's never been completely shattered like this.

34) This might be a reference to the Hall of Egress. That's the only other time we've heard Bubblegum use that word.

35) Confirmation that Princess Bubblegum doesn't have bones. I guess that counts as lore?

36) The gag of the Banana Guards slipping over each other was also done in "The Thin Yellow Line" and probably some other episodes I'm forgetting.

37) Jake’s granddaughter Bronwyn is certainly an unexpected appearance. I wonder what affiliation she has with the main cast now?

38) And of course... FINN! I would estimate he's aged about five to ten years since the finale, but it's hard to tell with Adventure Time's style. He looks younger than he did in Puhoy's alternate future.

39) Lots of people have been theorising that the tattoo implies that something unfortunate has happened to Jake. Perhaps we'll get to know more about that in Together Again. Let's not dwell on it for now.

40) A canon origin story for the shirt, plus a Bubbline first meeting! This overrides the P.B. & Marcy comic, and re-contextualises a whole bunch of the old Bubbline episodes!

That’s all for now! Let me know if you can think of anything I missed!

#adventure time #obsidian #bubbline #lorepost

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css1992 · 3 years ago

Text

Guilty Pleasure

[Porn AU]

Summary: Peter and Beck used to be a power couple in the porn industry, but after Beck dumps him, Peter is forced to start over. With no money, no family and nowhere to go, he doesn’t have much choice other than to keep doing porn, so he joins Just4Fans to get back on his feet and then one day he gets a very generous tip from someone under the username of YKWIM.

Warnings: 18+, explicit, references to past non-con/rape (not between main pairing, not explicit), daddy kink, Peter in lingerie, references to gaslighting and abusive relationship (not between main pairing, not explicit). The warnings are for the story as whole, not for this chapter specifically. I’ll add more in the future, if needed.

Read on AO3

Part I / Part II / Part III / Part IV / Part V / Part VI / Part VII / Part VIII / Part IX / Part X / Part XI / Epilogue

-x-

“He can’t do this!” Ned slammed his hands down on the counter between them, as Peter took a swig of the cheap wine he bought with the last ten bucks he had in his wallet. “He isn’t even in all of the videos, at least half of the money is rightfully yours!” He kept going, stating the obvious, but Peter just sighed and shrugged.

“I’m not disagreeing with you, Ned, I’m just relaying what he told me: he’s not gonna give me anything. It’s his channel, his equipment, the money from the subscriptions goes straight to his bank account, so it’s his. It’s all his. His words, by the way.” He took another swig of wine straight from the bottle. He had been drinking from a small glass Ned offered him – he wasn’t a pirate – but it soon proved to be too small to quench his pain, so. Yeah. Pirate style it was.

“You have to sue his ass, Peter, he can’t get away with this,” MJ intervened. She was sitting next to him on a stool by the kitchen counter, so he turned to look at her with a deep frown on his face.

“Did you not hear me saying I just spent my last ten dollars on this bottle of wine? I have, like, twenty four cents left in my pocket. And that’s it. I can’t hire a lawyer, I can’t even feed myself right now!” He raised his voice a little, but quickly got himself back under control and apologized. His friends were not to blame for his predicament – they did try to warn him Beck was bad news, he didn’t want to listen. “And you know what? I don’t give a fuck. He can choke on all of it if he wants, the videos, the money, the subscribers, I don’t fucking care.” It wasn’t true, of course. Well, partially. He really didn’t care about the money, videos, subscribers, etc, but he cared about Beck. He would have given everything else up if it meant he could keep him.

Which was stupid of him, of course. But he certainly wasn’t winning any awards for being a great decision maker.

“It’s still not fair. I mean, I knew that guy was sleazy, but you’d think he’d have the decency to at least give you something, you know? You’ve been together for three years, he’s been making money off your ass for almost as long. How could he just fucking kick you out and not give you a single dime? After all the money you’ve made for him? It’s fucking sick, that guy is fucking psychopath if you ask me.” MJ’s face was turning red from anger, which made Peter smile a little. It felt good to know he was loved by someone, even if he hadn’t been the best friend to them for the past few years.

The thought made him close his eyes for a second, guilt creeping over him. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d called either of them – maybe on Ned’s birthday, almost two months earlier. They used to be inseparable, the three of them; the three musketeers, as corny and lame as it sounded. For years, those two were the only family he knew, but when Beck came into his life, everything changed.

Stupid fucking Beck.

Peter used to think of him as his own personal super-hero – it did feel like he had come to save him, after all. They met when he was seventeen, he had been living in foster homes for almost seven years by then, after Ben and May passed away. At the time, he was with his fifth family, and there were so many children in that house, so many of them came and went, that their foster parents didn’t really keep tabs most of the time. It was easy to sneak out, and Peter did, often.

He met Beck on one of his night walks – and their first meeting should have raised all kinds of red flags, but for whatever reason, it didn’t. Beck slowed the car next to him, rolled down the window and asked how much Peter charged for a blowjob. Just like that. The teen gasped at first, but when he looked around for a moment, he realized he wasn’t in the most family friendly neighborhood. There were, in fact, some men and women around him who definitely looked like they were there for that, but Peter was in sweats, for crying out loud, and he definitely looked his age – or even younger than that.

His wide eyes must have given him away, because the older man quickly apologized and showed him a charming, white smile. He made up some excuse about mistaking him for someone else and the boy said it was ok. He was going to keep walking when Beck asked what his name was. Then how old he was. Then where he was going, where he ha come from.

Looking back, Peter knew he should have run. He should have left, because there was no excuse for an adult man like him to keep asking a teenager so many questions right after he basically offered him money to suck his dick. But that Peter, that 17-year-old boy, was still a bit too naive. To have such a handsome man showing interest in him – his kind, blue eyes smiling at him, warm and safe – was inebriating. He actually looked at him. And cared. At least Peter thought he did at the time. And he was so lonely back then, even that little bit of attention meant the world to him.

He should have run, but he stayed. Should have run, but got in his car. Should have run, but ended up giving him a clumsy hand job in the backseat, after just a few sweet promises whispered in his eager ears. Beck was so good with words, he could have convinced Peter to jump off a bridge that very same night if he wanted.

They exchanged phone numbers. For weeks, they texted and called each other, until they could meet again. By then, he was smitten. At twenty, he could see how innocent he had been, how trusting and open he was with a complete stranger. A 32 year-old stranger, at that. Ned and MJ, his only friends from school, warned him that it wasn’t okay. That it was weird for a man his age to be interested in a teenage boy, but Peter said they were wrong. He said he wasn’t just a regular kid, he had been through stuff they could only imagine. He was mature and experienced, and Beck could see that, which was why he liked him.

Looking back now, it was embarrassing how wrong he was. Beck was an illusionist. Sad thing was everyone could see the trapdoor but him.

“So what are you gonna do now?” MJ asked, fishing another bottle of wine from under the counter and placing it in front of Peter, who almost cried in gratitude.

“You mean besides crying myself to sleep for the next few months?” He wasn’t really joking. The only reason he wasn’t crying right at that moment was because he had spent almost three hours bawling his eyes out on a park bench close to their – well, Beck’s – apartment, hoping against hope that Beck would reconsider and come after him. When it became clear it wasn’t going to happen, he headed to the only place he knew he could find refuge – even if he didn’t deserve it.

“Yeah, besides that, obviously.” She opened the wine bottle and before he could take it and drink straight from it, she poured three glasses and Peter sighed, defeated.

“I have no idea.” He answered, only slightly surprised that he actually meant it. He had absolutely no clue what to do. For three years, he hadn’t had to worry about money – or anything, really. Beck took care of everything and he just assumed it would always be like that. That he would always have him by his side to take care of him.

He rubbed his eyes, taking a deep breath.

“Are you going to keep doing porn?” Ned asked, a worried expression on his face. Peter remembered he hated the idea when Beck first suggested it, as soon as he turned eighteen.

People are gonna lose it, Beck said. A pretty little twink and a hot daddy? We’re going to be a hit.

And they were. Their first videos blew up quickly, people were either disgusted by the thought of them together – because of the age gap – or completely enthralled. The haters helped them get more views, and Peter soon learned that there really was no such thing as bad publicity. Beck promoted their videos on twitter, where they accumulated thousands of followers. Peter remembered that, back then, many people sent him worried messages, saying he was too young, that Beck was a predator, that he was taking advantage of him.

In retrospect, they might have been right, after all.

He wasn’t too sure about doing porn when they first started, he knew once they released the first video, there was no going back, there was no way they could ever take it down – the internet was forever. Nothing was ever truly deleted. He wanted to be a dad someday, what if his children ever saw those videos in the future? What would have Ben and May thought? What about his parents?

None of this matters, honey, Beck assured him. These kids don’t even exist yet, don’t worry about them. And your relatives, well… They’re gone, sweetie. You can’t really disappoint them anymore.

So Peter did it. And he was terrified at first, he felt so exposed, people all over the world could see him in his most vulnerable moments, all of him, in every position Beck managed to put him in, in any outfit he thought the public might like, in any setting he thought might bring in more viewers, more subscribers, more money.

Soon, just the two of them weren’t enough. Their viewers wanted to see Peter with other people – other daddies – and Beck saw another opportunity to increase his profit. Peter was strongly against the idea at first, it felt too much like prostitution, which was where he wanted to draw the line, but, again, Beck sweet-talked him into it.

It’s nothing like prostitution, honey, he said. I’ll be there the whole time, I’ll be the one filming and directing, I’ll be the one paying the other actors, all the profits are ours. How is that anything like prostitution? It’s just like what we’ve been doing so far.

So not only there were a bunch of videos of him and Beck out there in the world, there were also lots of videos of him with other men, some of whom were old enough to be his actual dad. There was even one video in particular that he was specially embarrassed by – and sadly enough, that was the most viewed one so far. It was fucking humiliating.

At some point, Peter should have realized it became all about money for Beck – and maybe it had been like that all along, he just hadn’t noticed before. Over the last few months of their relationship, they never had sex just for fun, just for the hell of it. There were always cameras, and lights, and roles to play. Beck never said he loved him anymore. Barely touched him. Barely kissed him. He should have seen it coming. He had been too blind, or just… Didn’t want to see what was happening right before his eyes. He ignored all the signs. The voice in the back of his head telling him something was off.

But anyway, porn. Could he still do it?

“I don’t know,” he answered, finally. He looked at his best friends and sighed with a shrug. “To be honest, it was never something I enjoyed, and I don’t know if I could ever do it without him somehow involved, you know? I did it with him because I felt… Safe? I don’t want to get involved in the actual porn industry, I’ve heard some pretty fucked up stories.” Peter had heard horror stories about other boys in the industry, and even though his own story was no fairy tale, there was nothing so bad that it couldn’t get worse.

“How about Just4Fans?” MJ asked and both Peter and Ned turned to look at her in shock. “What? You guys were pretty popular, right? You won awards and shit, so there must be at least a few hundred people out there who would pay money to see some dirty pictures of you, maybe some short videos. That way you won’t need to go into professional porn and you wouldn’t need a partner, but you could still make decent money. And fast.”

Well, it actually made sense. It wasn’t like there weren’t hundreds of videos of him being fucked raw all over the internet, anyway. A few dirty pictures couldn’t hurt. And besides, it didn’t need to be forever, just until he figured something out.

“That’s… actually not a bad idea,” he conceded, drinking the last of the wine in his glass. MJ sympathetically filled it up again and he mumbled his thanks.

“What do you think he will do now?” Ned asked carefully, and Peter shrugged for what felt like the hundredth time. There was so much he didn’t know.

“Probably keep shooting videos with his new boy-toy.” He managed to say it with a steady voice, but his eyes burned. He still couldn’t believe how… replaceable Beck thought he was.

When he noticed them interacting online a few months earlier, before the boy was even eighteen, Peter was alarmed, but when he confronted the older man about it, he said he was crazy and seeing things, picking up fights for no reason. He always twisted things in a way that, somehow, Peter was the one apologizing to him in the end.

Months later, just weeks after the kid turned eighteen, there he was – homeless, penniless and lost – meanwhile the other guy was probably getting comfortable in his bed. If Peter didn’t hate the kid, he would pity him. In a few years, he would probably meet the same fate.

“Do you think he would take the videos down if you asked?” Ned asked, and Peter scoffed.

“Yeah, right, those videos will still make him a lot of money monthly, he’d never delete them.” And Peter would have to live with the fact that he would always be just one google search away from complete humiliation and exposure. If he ever tried to get a serious job, those videos would stand in the way. If he ever managed to meet somebody decent and good, those videos would be a testament to what sort of person he was in the past. Fuck, some of them were really fucked up.

“So… Should we create fake twitter accounts to trash talk his short dick or what?” MJ was already grabbing her phone and Peter laughed halfheartedly, shaking his head.

“He’s not worth it. Karma will take care of him, I’m sure.” He drank the last of his wine and whimpered sadly. “So… Can I crash with you guys for a few days? I promise I’m not gonna overstay my welcome! I’ll be out of your hair as soon as the Just4Fans thing works out.”

“Of course you can, nerd, stay as long as you need. We’ve got your back, c’mon.” MJ got up from her stool and gestured for him to do the same. “Do you mind taking the couch?” She asked as she headed to her bedroom in the tiny apartment.

“Not at all,” he answered with a sigh of relief, then went to grab his suitcase by the door. Three years together and that was all he had to show for it. A single suitcase with a few changes of clothes, after being kicked out of the house on a cold February night. His eyes burned but he took a deep breath, blinking them rapidly to avoid the tears.

“Then make yourself at home. Our casa es su casa.” MJ placed a pillow on the couch and handed him a thick, warm blanket.

“We’ll figure something out, okay?” Ned clasped him on the shoulder with a gentle smile on his face.

“Okay.” He sighed, feeling like a weight had been lifted off his crushed chest.

He waited for his friends to go into their respective rooms, waited to hear their quiet snores, before he allowed the tears to run freely down his face, replaying everything Beck said to him when he kicked him out.

Before he knew it, he was a sobbing a little, so he buried his face in the pillow to muffle the noise, as he tried to convince himself that things were going to be okay, that he was going to be okay. But at that moment, that was hard to believe.

#starker #peter parker x tony stark

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