#there is NOTHING a person can do to 'deserve' the extreme loss of human rights that this party wants to make into a reality | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lihikainanea · 3 years ago

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Did tiger and bill ever go through like a phase where tiger kind of had to get used to bill thinking of her? Like she wasn't really used to being someone's first choice, like someone thinking about what she might like or want. To have someone frankly just think of you. I'm sorry to be a bother. Just feeling kind of bad lately, and could use some sweet bill. Sorry again.

First of all boo, please don't ever be sorry for sliding into my DMs. I love hearing from you guys, especially if you're not doing that well. I'm all ears, and this blog is a safe space for everyone--so pull up a chair and stay awhile. I, and our two favourite idiots, would be nothing if it weren't for all the amazing asks that you guys send to me <3

Secondly, I love this train of thought because I think it is very, very true. And it probably started back at the beginning of their friendship, right? Yes, it did. Follow me down this rabbit hole.

Bill doesn't make a lot of new friends because since the whole fame thing, he has trouble trusting people--and Bill, by nature, is a caretaker. He's extremely nurturing. He provides. He takes care of those close to him, in one way or another. But he knows his own empathic side, he knows its limits and boundaries, and one of the worst things he can do for his own well being is care about too many people. Get involved with too many people. Bill is happiest amongst his close group of friends, people he knows he can trust, people he can cook dinner for and host movie nights for and fly halfway around the world when he has a premiere.

And tiger, for her part--my girl tiger, she has zero self-preservation skills. Like, none. And Bill is fascinated by that. He's fascinated by this little fireball who not only has no idea who he is, but who subsequently really couldn't give a shit once she found out. He's enamoured with this little scrappy ball of ire who is convinced not only that she can start a bar fight with everyone in the pub, but that she can legitimately win. Bill's never seen anything like it. And once you meet tiger, she's impossible not to love. Or at least, it's impossible not to be intrigued by her, and to want to know more.

But the thing is, that firecracker personality and the massive chip on her shoulder doesn't come from nowhere--tiger's been hurt a lot. And it's because she never goes for the good guys. For as much as Bill has an empath side, tiger has the self-destructive kind where she wants to fix people. And she always goes for the dudes who will take and take and take, the dudes who play rope a dope with her heart, and who leave her shattered. Tiger gives her soul away too easily, and she takes it as a challenge when she's tossed to the side by some guy who was never worth her time anyway. She tries to prove she's worthy.

But then in comes Bill--this big, wall-eyed, kind of freaky looking dude who seems nice and kind and is moderately soft spoken. And when they hang out, Bill starts showing a genuine interest--platonically, of course--but it's genuine. He asks what she does for a living. He asks if she likes it. He wants to know where she went to school, what she studied. Does she have any siblings? Because he has a lot, and he knows how tough big families can make you. When tiger can't decide if she wants the chilli fries or the chicken wings one night at a pub, Bill tells her to get both--and that's when she knew they'd be friends.

And it slowly but surely escalated from there--still all platonic at the beginning--but suddenly, Bill was asking her how she was getting home, if she needed a ride. He was asking her how her week was, when everyone got together on Friday--and if she had mentioned something big previously, a meeting or a presentation or something--he'd remember, and ask her how it went. If he left the bar early, he'd politely ask her if she could text him when she got home.

"Why?" she scoffed.

"Because somebody needs to look out for you," he answered honestly. Tiger, in true fashion, balked awkwardly.

And this is where her defence mechanism started to fly up. Because when you're not used to being cared for, when you're not used to genuinely mattering to someone or hell even just getting the attention of a truly good person--it's weird. It's awkward. It's scary as hell and requires a level of vulnerability that tiger isn't ready to let exist--because it would mean that she would have to admit to herself that she is worthy. That this is the norm, and that she deserves this. That she knowingly let herself settle for being treated like shit for so many years.

And tiger's first defence is always anger. So maybe she started getting real snippy with him, probably well into their friendship by this point--so Bill was cooking for her, and if he wasn’t then he was checking in to make sure she ate at least one vegetable that day. If she had a date, he would wait until she texted him that she was in for the night--whether that was at the guy’s place or hers. If she needed a ride home in the morning then he would pick her up, in all of her walk of shame glory--but he’d pick her up with a few Advil, some big sunglasses, a huge coffee. And he would absolutely make fun of her nefarious, ill-fated decisions but he’d always wait at least 12 hours before he dared.

But to go even further--you are absolutely right. Bill does put her first. Once she is solidified as his best friend, then there’s no going back--she comes first. And part of it is Bill really is legitimately concerned because tiger has no self preservation skills and he worries that if HE doesn’t concern himself over her, then tiger will just like...her reckless decisions will be her undoing. He must look after Little Human, because Little Human’s self-destructive streak is far too prevalent. He has left dates in the dust when she needed his help. He looks out for her in group settings, and intervenes if some idiot is getting too handsy with her. If he has a boys night that night but tiger calls crying because some idiot broke her heart, or crying because it’s shark week and she’s out of gummy bears--then Bill is there. In a heartbeat, he’s there. She comes first.

And I’ll bet it’s all very nice, but it also kind of has tiger seething. Because she’s not used to this kind of...care. The genuineness of it. And tiger can’t be vulnerable enough to admit that part of her likes it, part of her feels safe knowing that even in the wee hours of the morning, Bill is awake and waiting for her to let him know she got in safely. Part of her kind of likes this idea that someone is thinking of her, that someone prioritizes her. But it’s still tiger, so she also gets hella mad. And she seethes--for a long time, she seethes. Quietly. And then maybe it all just comes to a head one night when she goes over to Bill’s place after work and he has a crisp glass of white wine waiting for her, a change of clothes, even her favourite make up remover--the kind that doesn’t sting, because she has sensitive skin. And all of that pisses her off, but then she walks into the kitchen as he’s deftly cleaning and slicing mushrooms.

“How did it go?” he asks casually. Tiger plays dumb.

“How did what go?” she swigs her wine.

“The meeting with your boss today.”

“...Fine,” she mumbles, petulantly. Of course he’d remember that, even though she told him two weeks ago.

“We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” he offers kindly. Tiger sees an errant pile of green onions on his chopping board, and she eyes them wearily but somewhat triumphantly. Bill heads to the fridge, pulls out a bowl of salad, then he tosses the green onions in. Perfect, she thinks, and it gives her a weird sense of satisfaction. Mr. Nice Guy, Mr. Considerate, doesn’t even remember what she considers to be the most significant thing about her. That she hates green onions. She feels triumphant, renewed. Somewhat weirdly comforted to confirm that perhaps she doesn’t mean that much to him.

Until he heads back to the fridge, and pulls out another bowl of salad--one that he promptly dresses, salts and peppers, and tosses. One without green onions. One for her.

“Why do you do that?!” she explodes. Bill jumps in surprise.

“Do what?” he asks innocently, “This one has no green onions!”

“Exactly,” she continues, “Ugh, Bill. Just...why do you always...ugh, Bill!”

Bill is stunned, still holding his bowl of salad, trying to figure out what exactly is happening here.

“It’s too much,” tiger says, slamming her wine down, “All of it is too much.”

“What’s too much?”

“You! This. Why do you always just....think of everything?” she says, and she’s steadfastly working herself into a tizzy.

“Tiger...”

“How? How do you remember these things? How do you fucking remember that I had a meeting with my boss today, a meeting that I told you about two weeks ago? Why do you make a whole other bowl of salad for me, why do you remember that I hate green onions?”

“Because I care about you kid,” he shrugs.

Tiger is angry, but she’s also at a loss for words. Bill’s genuineness, his honesty, will do that. For as much as she struggles to be vulnerable. Bill shows that side of himself openly. She doesn’t even know why she’s so angry. Bill watches her for a minute, but she’s kind of just bug-eyed so he goes back to his cutting board and starts calmly chopping his little mushrooms again.

“I don’t like it,” she mutters after a long pause.

“Too bad,” he shrugs non-chalantly. Tiger glares at him.

“Too bad?” she seethes.

“Too bad,” he repeats.

“Stop it,” she says.

“No.”

“Bill, I mean it. Stop always trying to--”

“No.”

“I’m not finished,” she stamps her foot, “Stop being such--”

“No.” he says again, “Tiger, this is what I do.This is how I am. I care about the people that matter to me.”

“Well I don’t ma--”

“Yes you do. You matter to me. So I suggest you put on your big girl panties, and fucking deal with it,” he says. And that’s final. Tiger is taken aback at his tone, at the way his face suddenly got serious--but then in a heartbeat, it’s relaxed again.

“Now, do you want mustard on your burger, or ketchup?” he asks. Tiger is petulantly silent, glaring at him.

“Tiger.” he warns, holding up the hamburger bun.

“Shouldn’t you already know?” she huffs in annoyance, going to the fridge and grabbing the wine. She swigs it right from the bottle as she boosts herself up on the kitchen counter. Bill goes to the fridge and grabs the mayo--her favourite--putting a thick schmear on the bun.

“God, get fucked asshole,” she mutters. Bill just grabs her face, plants a noisy kiss on her cheek as she shrieks and swats him.

#bill skarsgard #bill skarsgard drabble #BFF!Bill #bill skarsgard fanfic #bill skarsgard fanfiction #bill skarsgard fic

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daevastanner · 3 years ago

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Elucien: 20 lashes pt II

link to part 1 here

He should let her walk away from him.

He should remain in the corridor.

But her words keep replaying in his mind as she strides down the steps and out the front doors.

“You deserve better,” she had said.

And Lucien realizes… who was the last person to ever consider what he deserved?

For the life of him, Lucien can’t recall the last person, the last instance, where someone took his side.

Where someone stood up for him.

But Elain…

His reluctant mate.

She’d taken his side.

Lucien’s legs are suddenly restless, and he starts down the stairs and towards those double doors.

Out on the front lawn he sees Elain making a bee-line for the stone bench, that sits beneath a dogwood tree.

He nearly chuckles when she plunks herself down unceremoniously.

But then she’s frowning, cradling her hand in her lap. She is in pain.

Lucien hastens his stride to join her. That right hook she had thrown was piss poor. Her fist had been balled up tight, thumb tucked in. She probably jammed her fingers.

And the second punch to Tamlin’s shoulder certainly hadn’t done her any favors.

Lucien cautiously closes the distance between them with extreme caution.

It feels like he’s approaching an easily startled deer.

He wants her to know that he holds her to no promises. He is not taking her display of defiance on his behalf as consent. Lucien only means to help.

He expects nothing in return.

Lucien gestures to the empty space beside her. “May I?”

Elain doesn’t look up from her already bruising knuckles, but nods.

Lucien fluidly sits beside her, taking a deep, steadying breath before speaking again. “I can fix that. Your hand.”

She stills and Lucien curses himself.

He is searching his mind for an excuse to leave when Elain slowly offers him her hand.

It sits there for a moment, hovering in mid air. All Lucien can do is stare at it.

But the soft voice of the mating bond returns to him for the first time in a very long time, and urges Lucien to act.

Willing himself not to tremble, Lucien gently takes Elain’s hand.

It is warm and soft. It reminds him of her eyes.

He holds her fingers in both his hands, lips twisting as he runs a thumb across her knuckles.

“Is it… bad?” Elain asks. “It does hurt. But it doesn’t feel like I broke anything.”

“Can you try and move your little finger for me?”

Elain swallows then hisses as her pinky gives the smallest of movements.

“That’s what I thought,” he murmurs. “It’s a fairly common injury. Usually seen in drunken brawls.”

“I confess myself inexperienced with such injuries.”

Lucien chuckles at her quiet humor.

Her cheeks pink, Elain presses, “I’m assuming it’s not so grave an injury.”

Lucien meets her eyes and dares the hint of a smirk. “You may never garden again.”

To his surprise and delight, Elain laughs. A true laugh. She tosses her head back and the setting sun casts her hair a burnished gold.

Still, he doesn’t allow himself to hope that this amicability, this easy conversation, will ever evolve beyond this day. Beyond this moment.

He clears his throat as her laughter winds down. “This may tingle a bit,” he cautions.

Elain bobs her head, and Lucien holds her hand just a little tighter, focusing on healing those fractures.

“I didn’t know you had healing magic,” Elain says, a current of discomfort lacing her tone.

“Only the barest amount. No more than your standard fae.” He looks up from her slowly mending hand, meeting her gaze yet again. “You likely have some yourself.”

She hums in approval and the wrinkle between her brows smooths as Lucien finishes healing her hand.

He is reluctant to release it.

When will he touch her again?

When will they be this close again?

No.

He cannot allow himself to hope for that. He cannot allow himself to even consider the possibility.

With no small amount of effort, Lucien releases his hold on her hand.

His chest pinches when she doesn’t immediately withdraw.

Instead she lifts her hand from his palm and holds it to the sunlight, examining it curiously.

“Can you move your fingers?” Lucien asks (even though he knows the answer).

She wiggles her delicate fingers, and something primal in Lucien is pleased.

He has cared for his mate. He has made her feel better. He has healed her.

“I don’t regret it,” Elain says, still admiring her hand. “Hitting him.”

Lucien’s mouth is dry. He doesn’t know how to respond.

She drops her hand then folds both of them in her lap. Her brown eyes focus on the ground as though she’s seeking out an answer in the emerald blades of grass.

“I was just… so angry.” Elain sighs. “I’ve never been so angry in my life.”

He had seen it. He had seen the anger break out on her face. Had practically smelled it on her before she turned and marched into the manor.

And he recognized it. He recognized that feral animosity.

Elain had learned that someone had harmed her mate, and had felt that primal urge to defend him.

“It was like I was burning. It felt like my blood was… charged.”

Lucien nods and considers his next words carefully. “I am familiar with the feeling.”

Elain’s eyes snap to him, and he can’t tell if she’s curious or crestfallen. “It’s… it’s part of… what we share then.”

He nods again.

She sits a little taller, steeling herself. “It’s a part of the mating bond.”

Lucien fights to keep his jaw from dropping. For some reason it’s… staggering to hear her say those words. To hear her mention the mating bond and call it by its name.

“I thought I’d gone mad,” she murmurs. “It felt like I’d lost all control.”

Self-admonishment and guilt flicker in her eyes and Lucien feels a pang of sympathy…

…and again that primal urge to fix this, comfort her.

“No, you aren’t mad.” He didn’t dare hold her stare when he spoke the next words. “It’s white hot when it starts. Your blood roaring in your ears. Your heart thundering against your chest. It blinds you. You feel a need, a compulsion, to act.” Lucien folded his arms and leaned back against the tree, trying to appear casual though he felt anything but. “It takes root and you feel entitled to the rage, because… because the person who… who, erm…”

He doesn’t know how to say it without alarming her.

So she says it for him: “The person who you are bonded to?”

But she says it not as a suggestion.

She says it as a mercy.

To let him know that she is not afraid of him. Not afraid of the bond. He had, in keeping his distance, gained this much ground in her trust.

He continues, “Yes, you feel entitled to rage for that person, and that call to protect… it has to be answered. You think the only way it will fade is… is if you take action.”

“And it did,” she says. “It went away after I hit him…”

There’s an awkward pause and Lucien takes no time in filling it.

“And don’t forgetting spitting at him…”

A soft, wry laugh.

Silence that Lucien is again happy to fill.

“…and then hitting him again.”

Her laugh is a little brighter this time, and when she again meets his gaze her expression is… grateful.

He clears his throat, not wanting to allow himself the chance to savor this moment. To savor the way she looks at him without apprehension.

He doesn’t want her to run.

But he also wants her to know that she is free to.

It pains him to say it, but he forces himself to: “The bond causes many urges, but they are… more easily ignored than some may believe.”

It’s a lie.

But something like disappointment flashes across her face…

It’s just as quickly gone as it had arrived. “I see.”

Lucien feels something between them then. A sort of static thread anchored at the center of his chest. The place where he had felt that warmth spark all those years ago when she’d tumbled out of that cauldron and he had realized she was his mate.

And he suddenly notices that her dainty fingers are resting over her breastbone. Right where she might feel a similar sensation to the one he is experiencing.

This remarkable thread he’d never noticed till this day.

Lucien’s heart wrenches. Oily regret seepes through his veins at what can never be.

He debates telling her now. Telling her what he has planned to give her for Solstice this year.

The opportunity to break their bond.

Gods dammit he had just accepted that their bond was a sham.

He had just resigned himself to being without a mate.

He’d been training his mind for months not to go mad at the loss of her.

And then she had shown up today.

Looking like an angel.

Smiling at him.

Laughing at his jokes.

Wearing his earrings.

Defending him.

Letting him touch her.

Discussing the bond.

Her human heart, he realized, still existed there. It still beat. Fickle and volatile and full.

Did he dare unlock those doors?

Did he dare break the locks he had forged to keep her out?

Did he dare allow himself to dream again?

Did he deserve to?

“I asked you once,” Elain begins, her voice as fragile as a rose petal, “if you could hear my heart. You said you could not.”

Lucien nodded.

“Is the answer the same now?” she asks.

And he can tell that for whatever reason… Elain is hopeful his answer will be different.

But he cannot lie to her. He cannot lie to his mate.

“I cannot.”

The only sound is the breeze rustling the leaves, and Lucien’s blood pounding in his ears.

He remembers her response from before as though it was the rhythm of his own heart:

“No one ever does. No one ever looked—not really.”

Her expression then, so forlorn, so hopeless…

She did not wear it now.

Instead, Elain nods, and she seems almost resolute. As though she’s come to a decision.

He doesn’t dare consider what that decision may be. He doesn’t dare to hope.

And even still, as their eyes meet, he can almost hear what she’s thinking. Or at least he thinks so…

But you see me all the same, don’t you?

And he knows she can’t hear him, but he answers her silently: Yes, I do.

The easy silence continues and Lucien, for once, has no words.

“This Court is far too pretty for Tamlin,” she scowls.

And Lucien laughs, full bodied, at such a menacing expression on such a lovely face.

“You should tell him that.”

Elain balks. “I think I should ration my abuses towards him wisely. I’ve already punched him twice on this visit.”

“And spit at him,” Lucien adds wisely.

She laughs and Lucien is reminded of fox-glove flowers.

He is reminded of light and happiness.

The mating bond is the farthest thing from his mind.

Only Elain and her laughter remain.

Elain, her laughter, and the promise of maybe purchasing a new set of sheers for this year’s solstice gift instead.

#elain and lucien #elain archeron #elucien #lucien vanserra #acotar #acotar headcanons

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imasimpforshanks · 4 years ago

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Hello! For the Alphabet Request, could I get the angst Alphabet with Sanji or the fluff alphabet with Zoro, thank you so much! :)

Angst Alphabet - Sanji

a/n: thank you for requesting! I chose the angst alphabet but I kinda regret it now because omg ANGST IS SO HARD IT HURTS TO THINK ABOUT!!! but anywaysssss I hope you enjoy <3

A-Accident (would they blame themselves if you died in an accident?)

Easiest answer ever. Yes. Sanji would take all the blame upon himself regardless of it really was his fault or not. Even if he wasn’t present at the time of the accident, he’d still blame himself and say it was his fault for not being there for you or being prepared for anything. He’d never forgive himself.

B-Break up (How would they break up with you?)

It’s impossible to even imagine this man breaking up with you, ever. Seriously. He’s so passionate, and once he’s in love, he’s in love. There is no going back. BUT, I suppose, on the outrageously slim chance that he did break up with you, he would do it in the kindest way. You wouldn’t even realize you’ve been broken up with.

C-Crying (how would they make you cry?)

If he were to make you cry, it would be entirely accidental. In fact, even then I can only picture Sanji making you cry tears of happiness. If he were to be the cause of your tears (one’s that aren’t tears of joy) he would beat himself up. He can’t stand seeing those he loves cry or upset in any manner.

D-Death (how would they react to your death?)

Denial would be the first emotion he expresses. It’s not possible, right? You can’t be dead. You’re not dead… because if you really were dead, it means he’s lost the light of his life. He’d be practically inconsolable for a very long time. Nothing would be able to bring back his usual liveliness. Cooking loses its appeal – I mean there’s no point if you won’t be the one enjoying his food. The Straw Hats are unable to do anything to bring back some of that fire. They get so desperate that Zoro even intentionally tries to cause a ruckus, but Sanji doesn’t react at all.

E-Emotion (what is one emotion they would try to hide the most and how would they do it?)

His insecurities are the one thing he would never dear show to others. Not only would it result in endless remarks from Zoro, but, he doesn’t want to have to deal with the pitiful comments – ‘you’re not useless’, ‘you are wanted and needed here’, ‘we all love you’. Sure, he understands people are just trying to help and be reassuring but it just makes him feel worse. So, instead Sanji deals with this the only way he knows how: bottling it all up and putting on a façade.

F-Fight (do you two ever fight? How big are the fights? What do you fight about? Etc.)

Fighting with you is something he hates doing. He never allows anything to get to that point. Sanji can’t risk losing you over a fight (no matter how big or small). Instead, he will apologize immediately, completely agreeing with everything you are saying. However, if it’s something he feels really strongly about (i.e your safety) he will sit you down and communicate calmly.

G-Guilt (what is the biggest thing they feel guilty about?)

The events of Whole Cake Island continue to eat him up. He knows he did it for the sake of the crew and the safety of the Baratie, but Sanji can’t seem to forget the way he disrespected his captain and hurt the people he loved the most (and the one’s that loved him too). The part that really makes him messes with him is that fact that Luffy forgave him instantly. To be honest, he wasn’t expecting Luffy to stay mad or hold a grudge, because well… that’s just not what he does. Even so, Sanji’s conscience is constantly telling him that he doesn’t deserve to be on the future pirate kings crew despite apologizing and being forgiven.

H-Heartbreak (what would cause them pain in the relationship? How would they deal during a break-up?)

Being away from you for long periods of time is one of the biggest causes of pain in the relationship for Sanji. He misses you like crazy and often finds himself distracted while thinking of you.

During the early stages of a break-up Sanji is likely to be a bit more reserved, choosing to keep to himself a little more. His usual enthusiasm lacks a little bit of oomph. Sometimes, late at night, when everyone else is asleep, he makes his way to the kitchen where he sits in the dark, cigarette in hand and quietly cries to himself.

I-Injured (how would they react if you are badly injured?)

He would be FURIOUS. Not at you of course. At whoever the hell thought it was okay to hurt the love of his life. He would be in god mode and rampage to find the son of a bitch that would ever dear to lay a hand on his partner.

J-Jealousy (what do they do if they are jealous?)

Death glares are a staple in the Sanji jealousy inventory. He’ll glare at anyone who seems to be taking too much of your attention. He also becomes a lot more clingy, using any and every excuse possible to be near you at all times. It can become a bit much at times, so if you tell him to reign it in a little, he’ll try his best.

There is one person that he refuses to let you spend any time with. Unsurprisingly, that is Zoro. He gets extremely jealous if you pay even the most minimal amount of attention to Zoro mumbling lots of “Stupid mosshead, why the hell are you spending time with him anyway?”

K-Kill (would they kill for revenge?)

Something deep inside me wants to say yes. But, he is far too kind-hearted to take away someone’s life. It is a possibility though, if the other person was to kill his s/o, or anyone else on the crew. However, for the most part, Sanji would just beat the person/people black and blue until they can’t walk, talk, or eat anymore. Basically, he won’t kill them, but they would wish they were dead after he’s finished with them.

L-Loss (what is their greatest loss?)

When he was a child, he lost his mother. She was the only person in his family that truly loved and cared for him (okay his sister did too, to an extent). His mother believed in his dreams and passions. She treated Sanji like a true human being. Losing her was devasting and made him feel more alone than he had ever felt before.

M-Mistake (what is the worst mistake they ever made with you?)

It’s very rare for Sanji to ever make any kind of mistake with you. He remembers every date, anniversary, achievement and milestone regardless of its importance. He doesn’t speak rudely to you, lash out at you or direct any sort of violence towards you.

So, the worst thing he’s probably done is accuse you of liking Zoro more than you liked him, because you would train and workout with him. It wasn’t that it was a serious or harsh accusation, it was just that this was a conversation the two of you have had time and time again.

N-Nightmares (how often do they have them? What are they about? How do they deal with it?

Sanji occasionally finds himself waking up in a sweat, breathing heavily. He doesn’t have nightmares too often, but when he does, they are horrifyingly vivid. It’s as if he is a starving boy again fighting for his life. OR it’s as if he’s that lonely good-for-nothing screw up of a child, locked away in a cell. It’s frightening just how realistic these nightmares feel and to bring himself back to reality all he does is find you. He needs to hold you, look at you, smell your scent, hear your quiet snores… anything. You are his safe place, a sign that everything is alright.

O-Outrage (how and why would they get mad at you?)

He wouldn’t get mad at you. It’s extremely unlikely (though not impossible). The only possible instances that could happen is if you were to disrespect his passion and talent for food. But lets be real… why on earth would you even do that in the first place.

P-Past (what has happened in your relationship that changed the way you saw each other?)

Whole Cake Island was a real game changer. So much was revealed about Sanji that he never wanted anyone to know. He was terrified you would think differently of him knowing that he was a ‘failure’ (note: you didn’t think of him differently at all). However, the part that really put a strain on your relationship was how you thought he had betrayed not only yourself, but the crew too. It really was a whole rollercoaster of emotions, but in the end the two of you were able to work through it, coming out stronger.

Q-Quality (what is their most dangerous/toxic quality?)

This man is quick to anger. Even though his reactions are usually harmless, what’s to stop him from one day completely just blowing up and doing, or saying, something to hurt those he cares about.

R-Rejection (how would they react to you rejecting their confession (or the other way around))

Of course, he would be upset if you rejected his confession, because a beautiful individual has just turned him down, but honestly, he’d just continue treating you as he always. has

S-Scars (battle or self-inflicted)

There are definitely no scars - battle-related or self-inflicted - on his body (that we know of). However, mental scars are a different story. He has plenty of those from his childhood, as do a large proportion of one piece characters.

T-Trust (have they ever broken your trust?)

Never in his life would Sanji do something to break your trust. The closest it came was the incident on Zou and Whole Cake Island, it certainly looked as if he had betrayed you and broken your trust entirely, only for you to find out it was the complete opposite.

Many people think Sanji is the type of individual to cheat in a relationship. While I can see where they are coming from with this opinion, I strongly disagree. This may be an unpopular opinion, I’m not too sure, but, Sanji would never be disloyal in a relationship. Treating women properly is such a big part of his personality to the point where it is practically embedded into his muscle memory – he acts on instinct. So of course there will be times where he’s paying a little extra attention to some lady but there is no ulterior meaning to his actions – its simply his firm belief that all women deserve to be treated and doted on as the queens they are. Additionally, during the Dressrosa arc Sanji truly believed he was in a ‘relationship’ with Viola and as soon as he knew that he was trying his absolute hardest to pay attention to Viola and only Viola. His mind did wonder off to Nami and Robin but he would scold himself for that (and feel free to correct me on this if im remembering incorrectly – it’s honestly quite possible that I’ve made this up entirely LMAO it’s been a while since I’ve read and watched the dressrosa arc).

So, let me sum up again: No. Sanji has never done anything that has broken your trust.

(my apologies I really went off for a second there I’m SO sorry).

U-Urge (how badly do they want to see you after you guys separated?)

Oh boy, he’s practically incapable of going five minutes without seeing you. He misses you so much it’s crazy. Your presence is so soothing for him, so he gets really antsy and anxious in your absence.

V-Vicious (what do they do when they lash out on you?)

I seriously can’t see him lashing out at you at all. He would never physically lash out at you but, there may possibly be potential for him to say something harsh in the heat of the moment. It literally wouldn’t even be because of anything you’d done in particular. It’d just be a build-up of things and then you happen to be the closest person and the next person to say something, and it tips him over the edge, so he snaps. He apologizes as soon as the words leave his mouth.

W-Weak (what makes them feel weak how do they try to avoid it?)

Sanji hates, and I mean hates being unable to help those that he cares about. It’s one of the few things that makes him feel weak. He has a kind heart and is always wanting to protect those he loves, so he does everything in his power to be ready to move in an instant. He remains aware of his surroundings, and is always on guard so that he can defend and strike when the situation calls for it.

X-X-ray (what do they hate and show it most obviously?)

The most obvious object of Sanji’s hatred is Zoro, however, I wouldn’t say it’s hatred. It’s a classic rivalry that is thankfully not rooted in any true ill will.

One other thing Sanji has absolutely no tolerance for is the inappropriate or rude treatment towards women, and food. On many occasions Sanji has actually physically and verbally fought others over their treatment of women and food.

Y-Yearn (what is one thing that they want but can’t have?)

I know this is meant to be serious and super angsty but, my mind automatically went to the clear-clear devil fruit LMAO. Its canon that the clear-clear fruit is something Sanji wants but can’t have because it’s currently in use by another person. (to make up for this not angsty idea I’ll do another one).

Growing up all Sanji ever wanted was a family that loves him and treats him kindly. Sure, he had his mother (before she passed away), and to an extent he had his sister, but he never truly experienced a loving family growing up. However, the moment he met Zeff & the Baratie gang and then the Straw Hat Pirates he learnt something important: Family isn’t always blood.

Z-Zero (what do they do/say in your dying moments?)

He tears up. A lot. He’s so conflicted between wanting to spend your final moments with you but also not being able to handle that pain. Ultimately, he decides to endure, holding your hand tightly and whispering everything he’s ever wanted to say - all his dreams about your future together and how he saw that playing out etc.

#one piece #one piece x reader #one piece headcanons #vinsmoke sanji #one piece imagines #black leg sanji #one piece angst #angst alphabet

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just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi · 3 years ago

Text

Brody in the Machine - AU

I woke up this morning and truly chose violence lmao

CW: The Machine (forced intubation, restraints, loss of bodily autonomy, medical torture), collar mention, touch deprivation, touch starved whumpee, self hate, sadistic whumper, lightly referenced human trafficking (kinda), choking mention,

As with all Machine pieces, please heed the warnings. This is just an AU and is not important to either Tool's or Brody's stories.

[Tool Masterlist (more Machine, no Brody]

[Brody Masterlist (more Brody, no Machine lol]

The Mechanic examined the blond young man that had been left for him. He was a bit short, small and already very timid. Honestly, Nigel wasn’t sure why he had been brought here but that was not his concern. He reached a hand out to touch the boy’s hair.

Brody was trembling, but trying to hide it. Things looked bad, they looked so so bad here, but! Just when it looked like pain and torture - the man reached out to pet him! He pressed his head against the hand, showing that he was good and sweet and friendly. That he didn’t need to be hurt.

And the man smiled! Brody’s heart lifted and he slipped closer to his side, leaning up against it. If the man liked it, liked him, there was a good chance he wouldn’t hurt him. He might get some mercy, maybe some comfort. He just had to make the man like him.

“Well aren’t you a cute little thing,” the Mechanic mused, bringing his hand to cup the back of the boy’s neck. The submission that rolled off him was wonderful, pure and unresisting. A collar was wrapped around the boy’s neck and it caught his attention for a moment. Absently, he glanced up to his assistant who was hovering by the door and considered them. The thought was tempting, to mark them and make them wear a symbol of their submission. That would take more thought.

Brody nuzzled in closer and the Mechanic chuckled. Sweet, but not why he was here.

“Fetch me the catch pole, Tool.”

Brody’s eyes went wide from where he was curled into the man’s side. No, no no no no that’s not, he didn’t, that-

“W-Wait, sir. Sir, I-”

The man hushed him, pushing him an arm length away with a tight grip on his collar. The other person - Tool? Were they called Tool? - came back with a long rod and obediently handed it over to the Mechanic. Easily and practiced, he slipped the wire loop around Brody’s head and cinched it tight around his neck. He cried out, hands flying up to try and release the pressure.

Tool’s eyes met the young man’s panicked ones and he had to look away. They hated this, hated themself. Hated how it never seemed to get easier.

The Mechanic pushed Brody forward and down the hall, not even needing to remind Tool to follow by now. He knew they would. Tears streamed down Brody’s cheeks as he stumbled along, mind going wild.

He whimpered when the door opened, not even understanding what was in front of him.

The Mechanic pushed him forward to the Machine table, adjusting the angle of the catch pole until Brody was forced to bed over, head pressed against the padding.

“Tool, ready the equipment.”

“Sir? Sir, please. I can be good. I, I, I promise, I can - I am! If, if if if, if you give me the chance to prove it-” He stopped as he felt the wire cinch tighter. Not tight enough to keep him from breathing but enough for him to get the hint.

Tool shuddered to themself but of course they obeyed. His hands were buzzing with anxiety as they picked up the components, having to take a deep breath to calm their pulse. Not for them, not for them, they hadn’t done anything to deserve it. The boy made another sad whine and Tool’s eyes fell closed. He hadn’t either.

But Tool didn’t have a choice.

The Mechanic grabbed the back of Brody’s shirt and manhandled him onto the table. “Stay.”

Brody nodded, shaking horribly but eyes locked on him. He could do that, he could stay. He would! He would be good and show him that he didn’t need this, that, that no one had to…

The Mechanic chuckled and turned away to prepare something else. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught Tool walking up to the table. “No skin contact, Tool. Understand?”

Tool’s head snapped up, hand inches from Brody’s wrist. He nodded in understanding, worry plastered on his face. Brody whimpered, understanding the implications and Tool’s heart felt like it was going to break. With a tightly clenched jaw, they secured the straps around his wrists and ankles without touching him. The entire time, Tool’s mind was berating them over and over. They were weak and pathetic and despicable. They were just as bad as he was, maybe even worse because some part of them wanted to help and didn’t. Pathetic. Tool was pathetic.

Brody sobbed as he was restrained to the table. He still didn’t know what was going to happen, didn’t know what was going one, but it would hurt. It would be pain and punishment and terrible terrible terrible and there was nothing he could ever do to make it better. This man didn’t want him to be good, didn’t want him to do anything. He wanted him to suffer, and Brody didn’t know how to handle that.

Yet.

The man came back into his view and Brody shut his eyes. He had been told to stay. Stay - that was all he had to go off. He could, well no; he wanted to run. He wanted to be far, far, from here. But he didn’t even have the choice anymore.

Something cloth was laid on his forehead, making him wrinkle his brow in confusion. What? A moment later, there was a heavy pressure over it, holding his head down without touching him. He opened his eyes, looking for him to ask why. Before he could, he saw the Mechanic reaching down for him, thin tube in one hand.

He yelped when it entered his nose, crying out louder when it kept going into his head. He gagged and cried as it hit the back of his throat, feeling like he might throw up.

Down, down, down. Through his throat and farther, hitting nerves and places he never thought he’d feel. Tears were streaming down his face now, squirming desperately even with the tight restraints.

Finally it stopped and he sobbed. The Mechanic turned away and Brody’s head lolled to the side. That had to be it. It had to be over, right?

The assistant wouldn’t look at him.

Even from where his head was laid on its side, something plastic and large was shoved into his mouth and righted his head. He nearly choked on it. By now, his pulse was so loud in his ears he couldn’t be certain if they were speaking above him, if he was crying, if it was silent.

Another, thicker tube was pushed down and that he did choke on. He whimpered and whined and gagged as loudly as he could, eyes begging the man for this nightmare to stop.

It did not.

The Mechanic finished up the last few steps, letting Tool add the IV and electrodes, and stepped back to watch. The patient was shaking so badly he thought he might see the table shake. It was stronger than that, but the boy’s blond hair was trembling with him.

It was satisfying to watch.

Tool thought they were going to throw up. How, how was this just getting worse? He liked to do little things to help the victims. Lightly holding a hand here, brushing through their hair there. Little things, things that he had craved when he was in the machine. Had the Mechanic seen? Had he noticed what his assistant was doing and was bringing a stop to it? They didn’t know. The Mechanic had taken steps to not touch the boy either, so it was probably part of the process.

It made them sick.

~~~

There was something about this one. It stuck in the back of Nigel’s mind, drawing him back to the Machine room when he had other things to do. A dark curiosity was twisting inside of him. The subject had been so docile before he was put into the Machine, already so submissive and pliant. He was torn with taking him out immediately to see the results, and leaving him in for weeks to see the most extreme end. How would he be different? How far could he push the young man? How long would it take to make him functional to the point of useful if he left him for weeks at a time?

In the end, he only had a week with this subject. The Client wasn’t interested in the extremes, wasn’t curious about the breaking edge of human psychology. That limited the boy’s time to five days, the extra time necessary for re-acclimating him to self-sufficiency.

Pity.

Tool followed the Mechanic dutifully back to the Machine room. He had thought about coming back to the room alone to comfort the poor thing who hadn’t stopped shivering and crying. More than once during their duties, Tool had been tempted to give him just the slightest bit of comfort or touch. But there were cameras, cameras that the Mechanic could watch.

And as much as it pained him, as it ate at his soul and consciousness and stomach every night as he tried to sleep, Tool just couldn’t do it. They couldn’t risk going back in the Machine. They struggled to sleep, struggled to carry around the guilt that every new victim piled on their back, but he couldn’t risk the very real, ever present danger.

Pathetic, their mind whispered to him.

Brody didn’t look at them when they entered, didn’t have the energy to. Not physical energy; emotional energy. The shorter one, Tool, had been in and out regularly, and he couldn’t keep letting his hopes be raised and dashed like this. That was the real torture. The tubes, the electricity, the ache from the restraints was pain. Pain that he hated and wanted out of deeply, put it was just pain.

But being ignored? Being pushed aside and left with no recognition of his existence?

That was torture to his very being. It struck so much deeper, into the parts of himself that were the truest parts of him. Things he couldn’t control, couldn’t change. Things he never questioned, even when everything was strange and unknown around him, he could rely on what he knew of himself. Rather than his mind or his physical body, it was like his soul was dying, strapped there on that table.

The Mechanic hovered above him and smiled at the glossy look of his eyes. With a quick motion, he added a soft dose of sedative to the boy’s IV to make the transition a bit smoother. Suffering was over, time to revive him in the way the Mechanic wanted. Distant blue eyes fluttered closed.

When Brody awoke next, he was laying in a cot. No restraints, no tubes or wire poking from under his skin. He shuddered and tried to sit up, gasping and holding onto the cot side for dear life. Was it real? Was this a nightmare? Was that a nightmare? Where, when-

His head wheeled quickly to the sound of footsteps on the other side of the room. He had to blink hard to clear his eyes, the figure walking towards him blurry.

“You’re awake,” the Mechanic mused as he crouched down by the cot. The boy was wavering, adrenaline quickly leaving him weak and wobbly. Grinning, he reached out a bare hand to steady the boy by the side of his neck.

Brody melted into his hand with a broken whimper. Tears burned at his eyes and he would have sobbed if he had enough control over his lungs to do so. He didn’t have the strength to keep sitting up, but the man was more than able to hold. Brody’s eyes slipped closed, only able to think about the point of warmth from the man’s skin.

The angle of the hand changed slightly, like the man was moving and Brody whined urgently. One hand tried to raise up to stop him. No, no no no he couldn’t leave, not yet! Brody needed him, needed to know he was still real, still there. There was an amused laugh and the cot dipped as the Mechanic sat next to him.

Nigel leaned the boy against his side, enthralled by how he relaxed bonelessly into him. The little thing was so open, so willing for any contact after only five days. He carded a hand through the boy’s greasy hair and felt the shudder that went through him.

Absently, he looked up to see where Tool had been restrained casually. He wondered how long in the Machine it would take to make his assistant just as receptive.

tagging the Tool Crew only because this is not Brody's regular thing and I'm not just surprising the Machine on people. @unicornscotty @as-a-matter-of-whump @starnight-whump @whump-me-all-night-long @whump-it @rippedjeansandfadeddreams @valkyrie-whump @cupcakes-and-pain @whole-and-apart-and-between @misspelledwitch @fanmanga1357-blog @jo-doe-seeking-inspo @just-a-raccoon-in-a-party-hat @blackrosesandwhump @panic-and-chaos @savemycrustysoul @only-shadows-dwell-where-we-are

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animeyanderelover · 3 years ago

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Hello A-Chan, this is my first time requesting ever, but I was really hooked onto your blog so I thought I’d give it a shot! Could you do prompt 46 with Asura from Naruto? Also, how are you doing?

I love Asura, not gonna lie. I love such guys a lot. I would say regarding boys that is my type. I would like to say that I'm fine, but I am nervous as hell for next week since it'll be one exam after another

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, obsessiveness, delusions, clinginess, slight angst, paranoia

Prompt 46: “Can I...can I kiss you?”

There were days where you had seen Asura being discouraged, where you had seen him being partially down, disappointed from everyone only seeing his brother as worthy and him as more of an airhead. There had been days where you had witnessed that he as well had his moments of sadness and regret.

But right now this was something completely different, something much more serious than what you had witnessed so far. But could you blame him? After all that had happened the last few days? After Indra’s betrayal? And after Asura had been made the next leader? He was currently carrying a lot of responsibility and sorrow on his shoulder and due to his stubbornness to put his own problems over the ones of the villagers he was brewing everything in himself together, keeping everything for himself. Maybe because he didn’t want to discourage the villagers by letting them see that their leader was currently having his own problems and maybe also because he didn’t want to risk his brother risking the chance to attack again.

His brother was almost like an invisible weapon hanging tight over everyone’s head, no one knew when he would come again which made everyone extremely uneasy. That was why Asura refused to give himself some rest, refused to show his feelings too openly. He was the hope for everyone and if he would crumble, they would slightly panic and he didn’t want everyone worrying over him.

But you were his spouse, you had the right to know such things and since you knew him better than many others, since the youngest childhood days, he didn’t feel the need to hide anything from you. Even if he did, you could tell if he was lying or not and whenever you started consoling him, he ended up breaking a bit down in front of you to reveal his vulnerable feelings and all the pain and doubts he was hiding under all of his happiness and joy. He was a human as well and you didn’t expect him to be all the time positive. Of course it was nothing bad, it was a good thing he was the way he was. Maybe he was sometimes just a bit...inexhaustible. But you had learned to endure him and all his clinginess and his sometimes too sweet behavior.

But it was rare for him to be seen whilst being distraught or radiating off sadness and disappointment. But that was what you had found him like when you had woken up in the middle of the night in bed, with him having positioned himself so that his head had been burried in your hair, arms having wrapped themselves tightly around your form so you could not escape with a tight grip that gave you the feeling that he was silently begging for comfort and his breath being slightly erratic. It was not the first time you had seen him being like this, it happened every once in a while, but since he had pleaded you to not tell anyone, you had kept quiet about it. Only his father knew.

“Was it about Indra again?”, you asked him, turning your body a bit so your back was now laying on the mattress and so that you could face him a bit better. He did not answer instantly, but he nodded after a while, a untypical depressed look in his eyes. He looked exhausted and tired, and you didn’t mean because he had woken up late at night, but because right now he was done with all that had happened, all the piled up feelings getting to him. Those nightmares of him were one of those things that had happened only a while after his brother had left and nearly killed everyone and Hagoromo had told you that this might be a result from all the stress and the loss of his older brother whom Asura had cared for very much.

“Do you want to tell me about it? Was there anything different this time?”, you continued to talk to him, running your fingers a bit through his brown hair in order to calm him down. “You know you can tell me everything. I’m here Asura, I’ll always be.”

Mentioning it seemed to bring back unpleasant memories judging from the way his body went suddenly a bit rigid, muscles tensing up. Something had definitely happened to him. “Take your time. You can tell me or don’t, I’m fine with both. Whatever you feel most comfortable with.”

“He-he...” Asura did not even want to speak it out loud, struggling with his words which he couldn’t piece together in that one moment, mind being too much in chaos from the dream he just had to think normally just yet.

You had patience though, you knew no one had been more shattered from the recent events than Asura had. Of course you had been close to Indra too, though you now were sure he didn’t think of you as a friend anymore, looking back on how he had launched at you back then, knowing how much you meant to his brother. And it had been one of the very few times Asura had truly been infuriated with him, a temporarily darker look having crossed his face and for a few moments he had attacked with his brute strength as well which had even shocked his brother and had turned out to be the one moment where Asura had managed to finish him off with the help of the others.

“He killed you. He killed you and I couldn’t do anything against it. All I could do was watching you die.” His voice was trembling a bit. It might have been only a dream, but it seemed to mess with Asura still pretty badly, maybe because he knew that this might have really happened and might happen again with Indra’s current plan and whereabouts unknown was taking it’s toll on him as well.

“It’s fine Asura. It was only a dream. I am still here, aren’t I?”, you tried to cheer him up a bit. He didn’t look so sure when he looked up, though a small smile graced his features when he saw you looking slightly concerned down at him. “Your hair looks quite funny.”

With your free hand you twirled a strain of your hand in your hand before shrugging with your shoulders and letting go of it again. “I just woke up so you can’t exactly expect me to look like I just came out of a full dress-up. Also, for someone who is currently wanting my comfort so badly, you don’t exactly use the right methods.”, you teased slightly playfully, nudging him slightly.

“I still think even with this kind of hairstyle you look stunning. For me you always look stunning, no matter what.”

You scoffed a bit, trying to hide the fact that you were flattered by him and his charm, though it was a good sign that he was getting so flirty with you again, it meant he was starting to feel better.

“Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve someone as pretty and great as you. You were always there for me, no matter what.”, he mumbled, placing the one hand who was still playing with his hair over yours and guiding it to his face and letting it rest on his cheek, intertwining his fingers with yours.

“Well, we did promise when we were you get we would marry each other, didn’t we? Though I remember that I rejected at first and you constantly trailed behind me and continued to propose to me at least once a day. You always plucked flowers or tried to cook something for me in hopes to charm me.”, you answered, giggling a bit when remembering all those times he had asked you to marry him like some lovesick fool, though he had stayed that way the complete time, the only difference now was that you were married to that man. Asura had never given up once, no matter how much you had rejected him as a child. It had helped him reaching your heart with his ambition and the fact that he had never given up once.

“I know, I probably was a bit annoying back then. But I just knew from all the way back then that you were the person I wanted to marry. Thank you for saying yes and marrying me. Thank you for being with me.”

“You don’t have to thank me for that. As I said, I’ll be here for you. Always. Also, please stop talking like this. You’re embarrassing me.” He was currently being a bit too much of a romantic talker for your taste, making you flustered despite having been attacked by this more than anyone else had.

Your reply made Asura grin a bit, sitting slowly up to meet you face to face, the previous look of fear having succumbed a bit, warmth having returned to them. “Thank you for helping me. I feel a lot better now.”, he told you, pressing his forehead against yours.

“I don’t like when you’re sad. But I’m also glad you do try to hide it from me do I can help you to start with. But Asura,”, you gave him a serious look,”please keep in mind that Indra leaving us was not your fault. It was his own decision and no one could have stopped him from going, even if we would have knocked him out and dragged him back. Understood?”

He glanced for a short moment away, hesitation filling his expression for a short moment before he sighed a bit. “That is easier said than done. I still feel like I could have done more. But you’re right, I don’t believe that I could have stopped him, no matter what I might have tried. Next to that he tried to destroy the village and to kill you.” For a millisecond you thought his expression darkened again, though it was hard to tell since it was not that easy to see him properly whilst it was night.

But it was rather quickly gone and from the way he kept glancing at your lips, you forgot rather quickly about that.

“Can I...can I kiss you?”

“We’re married silly. So why even asking? We’ve kissed before.”, you scoffed.

Asura was a bit taken aback when hearing you say this before scratching his neck embarrassed. “No reason to sound so harsh.”, he replied sheepishly before leaning closer and locking his warm pair of lips with you, loosening up a lot by doing so, feeling new energy flowing through him.

“Better now?”, you asked slightly amused afterwards. Asura nodded, grinning the usual bright way he always did. “Great, then let’s go back to sleep. It’s still late at night.”, you grumbled, finally letting the tiredness getting the better of you and sliding down into the blankets, soon being accompanied by Asura who seemed different from you more awake, something still on his mind.

“You know, I still hope that my brother will eventually come back to his senses and return to the village though I don’t think he will. But if he should ever try to hurt you again like he did the last time despite you having been one of his best friends...I won’t spare him just because he is my brother. I won’t let him hurt you.”

#yandere naruto #yandere naruto shippuden #yandere asura #yandere asura otsutsuki

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flowerflamestars · 4 years ago

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Hey hey hey 😀 not sure if you've been getting my asks(could really be my WiFi too) or Tumblr has been up to no good again, but hey how was ACOSF? I gather from your updates and posts you're just disappointed by it. A lot of us are. Hope you've been doing well after reading Acosf 😅

Hey babe! I know I have at least one from you that I need to answer- entirely my bad, I’ve been going through my inbox in little chunks. Yall have been too lovely and the influx is great :)

Disappointment is very much the right word.

The big thing- ignoring that Nesta as a character was meaningful, or that the baby plot line was big swing in every wrong way possible, the plotting is a MESS- is that I think the story resoundingly fails on both it’s goals.

It’s a recovery story, a healing story. And a romance.

BIG SPOILERS AHEAD

Nesta is stripped of her autonomy. And I want to be extremely clear on that- this is framed as an intervention and it is not an intervention. It is not, at any point, really about Nesta becoming healthy. It’s about control. Rhys says it, Feyre says it, Cassian says it: Nesta is a problem. Nesta affects their reputation. Nesta needs to be punished.

Morrigan, a fellow abuse/assault survivor, tells Cassian with absolute seriousness that they should just throw Nesta into the Court of Nightmares and leave her there. Because she’s just as bad.

WHAT

The entire structure is that Nesta needs to change- but it isn’t about her being safer, her finding her way- it’s about the fact that her being suicidally depressed makes her sister sad.

So yeah, Nesta gets stronger. Because one of her two-pronged punishments is army training with the man she once loved and has been trying to distance herself from for YEARS. Who proceeds to control what she wears, when she sleeps, WHAT SHE EATS. Who laughs, when she gets hurt.

By the end of the story, the issue Nesta has confronted, from her laundry list of trauma is...that she’s bitchy to her sisters in instances of extreme distress/hardship.

That she...blames herself for the death of her abusive, absent father, who in no way contributed to her life from the time of her mothers death into her adulthood until he showed up for...ten seconds in acowar, named a ship after her, and immediately died. Watching a parent die? traumatic as hell. Retconning an ENTIRE parent-child relationship to make a character have something more palatable to struggle with? Bad writing.

Rape hangs over Nesta like a cloud this whole novel, but she never talks about it. It never in any way comes up while her and Cassian are having rough sex on every available surface.

She never heals, and she never becomes comfortable as a faery. She gives up her power.

Literally AND figuratively- Nesta is the same person at the end of the novel, but now she can punch really hard? has no magic, gave up a destiny the book STRONGLY IMPLIES was actually, really, always about Rhysand. All that changed is now she’s finally bent enough to play by the rules of the same people who condemned her for responding to the terrible things that happened it her...in ways exactly like they have and continue to do.

It makes me so sad, you know?

Which brings us to Cassian.

Who is supposed to be the emotionally intuitive one. The one who has survived so much, who understands trauma. Who more than that, understands Nesta, better than anyone else.

That is not the man in this book.

He’ll make this earnest declarations that sound...almost right? and then ten seconds later he’s guilt-tripping her. Saying just, absolute bullshit to her. Sexualizing her in her lowest moments.

It’s not enemies to lovers- Cassian is ashamed of Nesta when the book begins. Takes active glee in physically punishing her when she’s having a breakdown 600 pages later, on what it supposed to be the great tipping point of their relationship.

At no point does this man seem to even LIKE Nesta. He wants to have sex with her. He want her to do what he wants and obey 1) him and 2) their High Lord and Lady.

Nesta, who even toward the end of the book, as I said STILL IS NOT HEALING AT ALL, tells Cassian: “I don’t deserve you, and I never, ever will.”

Cassian’s response it to...kiss her?

Tell her: “You’re not going to marry Eris.” “There will be no one for else. For either of us.”

And then Nesta says yes, cries more, and they have sex again.

oh yeah, and then in the morning he runs off? To have a snowball fight? And then doesn’t speak to her or see her for three days.

I just. This dynamic never gets better. Proud, strong, intelligent, ferocious Nesta is always kind of like: will you look at me? you’re good and i am not.

She’s not safe in this love. Not comfortable, not ever on even ground. The entire dynamic of this relationship has brought her low and keeps her there.

So like, in the end. They have this fight where Cassian fully starts yelling at her...in public...because she isn’t saying yes! we’re mates! I’m going to quote it here:

“I am your mate, for fucks sake!” Cassian shouted, loud enough for people across the river to hear. “You are my mate! Why are you still fighting it?”

She let the truth, voiced at last, wash over her.

“You promised me forever on Solstice,” he said, voice breaking, “Why is one word somehow throwing you off that?”

“Because with that one word, the last scrap of my humanity goes away!” She didn’t care who say them, who heard. “With that one stupid word, I am no longer human in any way. I’m one of you!”

He blinked. “I thought you wanted to be one of us.”

“I don’t know what I want. I didn’t have a choice.”

“Well, I didn’t have a choice in being shackled to you, either.”

GUYS. I hate this fight to unfathomable levels.

so yes, he immediately tries to recant it...but like, let’s follow the thread for a minute. They’re together, really together, ever since the stupid moment Nesta said she was trash and didn’t deserve Cassian and Cassian said...you and me! forever! let’s fuck about it!

I get that the matebond is a precious thing- but god, it could not be clearer Cassian just...doesn’t respect Nesta even a little bit? She won’t use the word, so he’s yelling at her.

a page before: “That word means nothing to me, Cassian,” she said, voice thick as she tried to keep people who strode past from overhearing. “It means something to all of you, but for most of my life husband and wife was as good as it got. Mate is just a word.”

BECAUSE SHE WAS HUMAN. Because, very validly... Nesta has been fae for, two years? Her baseline is human, that’s how she feels. And she’s not wrong??

Faeries get married too. It’s not mates or nothing.

In my imaginary book, Cassian goes: why Archeron, is that a proposal? Because I’d love nothing more than to be your husband.

In THIS BOOK, he snaps: “That’s bullshit.”

Annnd cue fight.

Not only is Cassian so, so disrespectful of Nesta’s feelings...HE THOUGHT SHE WANTED TO BE A FAERY?

Are you kidding me, canon? Nesta was drowned against her will in the Cauldron! Cassian was there, unconscious in a pool of his own blood, still trying to reach her and save her. The ENTIRE pivot of her character that slides her into the dark place this book is meant to heal her from is her complete loss of autonomy at Hyberns hands.

and then the shackle line. I just...obviously, people say things in arguments they don’t mean, But Cassian never once stops going for what hurts the most where Nesta is concerned, and is yet baffled by her responses. He understands how to hurt her, but not how to comfort her when they’re fully clothed.

And then the end is...they’re mates. They’re going to have babies. They’re going to have a big faery mating ceremony. Nesta’s feelings aren’t not addressed, they magically cease to exist.

I’m sorry this turned into a FULL RANT- but yes, I’m disappointed.

Its always the same story: the difficult woman has to soften. Learn to be nice. Power? she can’t have that. She’s going to have a mate and babies, that’s her journey, because that’s every woman's journey.

There is one bright spot, which I do have to mention. I love Nesta’s friends.

They’re her real chance at recovery, that the IC have nothing to do with. And you know what? she makes them right off the bat. It’s crazy how if you treat someone like a person, they can function like one.

I just want them to have their own story far, far away from everyone else.

#apparently I was holding in a rant with my whole chest #acosf spoilers #knowing it wasn't going to be great did help #as did live blogging it with all of yall #but go fuck that ending forever #bad in every way #in a book that both had too many details and no plot #in a love story that was better when they were strangers than when they were sleeping together

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ashintheairlikesnow · 4 years ago

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i'm fucking losing it about that most recent post and i cannot get coherent words out about it because i get too excited about the possibilities and it is extremely hard to type while flapping but !!! oh my god!!!! oh my godd!!!!!!!!!

CW: Opening to what is definitely going to be a severe trauma response in the next piece, brief victim-blaming language

Jake watches the video, and Laken can't read his expression at all. It's grim, maybe - his jaw is set, and his blue eyes don't leave the laptop screen.

Youtube starts with a stupid fucking State Farm car insurance ad, and Jake is quiet and thoughtful before the ad even ends. He didn't argue with Laken, or suggest disbelief. He only texted come to the house and show me while C is at rehearsal, and Laken had hopped on two buses and walked half a mile, but here they are, now, only a little sweaty for their efforts.

Laken hunches over next to him, their hands over their mouth, thick wavy black hair falling over their eyes. They'd re-shaved the sides yesterday and the air moved over the shorn-short spaces as the fan turned overhead.

They don't speak. They just watch Jake watch Tristan Higgs dance. They watch Antoni, Chris's other brother, sit quietly on Jake's other side, his own dark eyes equally fixed on the screen. When the video ends, Jake hits the replay button and watches it again.

And again.

"This video is from eight years ago," He finally says. His voice is a deep rumble, barely a sound human ears can hear. “I mean, the dancing is from eight years ago.”

Laken swallows and nods. "Um, y-yeah. So he would be-"

"Fifteen," Jake finishes for them. "Give or take. If he's as old as I think he is. And this guy seems pretty fucking sure that Tristan Higgs is dead."

"Right." Laken swallows, uncomfortable. "So, Ben-... You remember Ben. He's, um. Been looking stuff up, and... He sent me some links to, like, old news articles, and... Um..."

"What is in the articles?" Where Jake's voice is rough-edged, struggling for control, Antoni's voice is soft, hazy with his accent, sliding over consonants and coasting the vowels. "What is he sending?"

"So, um, like... This double-... Uh, double-murder and stuff. These people that were killed and just, like, their kid survived, Tristan Higgs. Except then he disappears-... just drops off the face of the earth. But no obit or anything.”

Jake and Antoni look at each other, the men sharing an expression that communicates a wealth of information Laken isn't privy to. But the one thing they don't show is any surprise.

"-and... Ben's been messaging the guy that posted the video, and-... They're gonna meet, um, in a couple days. At, you know where La Mode is? The ice cream place where they filmed that bit in that old Vince Shield movie-"

"I know where La Mode is, yeah," Jake says, watching Laken carefully. He hasn't looked at them like this in a long time, since he first met them - calculating and slightly cold, considering the risk they pose to Chris and to everyone else in his house.

"I also am knowing that place," Antoni says with a nod, putting a hand on Jake's arm. Jake is tense - Laken didn't realize it until he suddenly relaxes, consciously, now. "Why is Ben wanting to talk to this man?"

"I, I don't know. He kind of, he's really intense about this stuff. You know, when he found out Chris was, um, was... a pet..." The word is ash on their tongue, gums up around their teeth, makes their stomach flip in disgust. "... He kind of lost his shit once we got Chris calm about it. I think he thought-... Uh, you know, people like Chris, they get targeted, and... so he's been thinking about that.”

“This isn’t his business, Laken,” Jake says, weary, closing his eyes.

“No, I know, but he's got a little brother who's the same age Chris was when-... this video must have been made. Who’s a lot like him. So I think he's... I don't know. Maybe thinking, you know, if it was his brother, he’d want someone to do all this... if-... if someone took his brother away."

"Yeah, I get it." Jake swallows, sitting up slowly, rubbing at his face. He's got a day-old stubble along his jaw, the kind that made Laken grin a little when they saw the rubbed-red, irritated jawline of the guy with black hair who answered the door, Chris's other brother kind of.

The one that Laken met the night Dylan told Ben and them where Chris really came from. Except... not this. Dylan hadn't known this.

"So, we need to get Chris ready-"

"Get me ready for, for, for what? Laken, why, why are you here?"

Laken closes their eyes and lets out a slow, soft sigh. Of course - the one night they needed Chris's rehearsal to run full-length is the one night he comes back early. They turn to look at Chris and give him a slight smile. "Hey, querido, we just, um-... So, there's..."

The video has still been playing in the background, forgotten, and the music kicks into the crescendo where the second gymnast steps up, catching Chris's attention. "What's, what's that? Is, is, is, is is is it-"

He goes silent as Tristan Higgs steps into place, shoots his bright smile towards Akio Nakamura, and does his first set of flips and spins.

The three of them watch Chris watching Tristan Higgs. They watch his backpack slide off his shoulder and thump to the ground. They watch his eyes - the perfect match to the eyes of the boy on the screen - follow Tristan and Akio dancing briefly back to back, his laughter as he drops his head onto Akio's shoulder.

Something in the line of his shoulders tightens. His skin is pale under the freckles, his hair suddenly seems too garishly bright against the rest of him. There are shadows under his eyes Laken has never seen before. He looks younger... and haunted.

They hold their breath until it ends, the two boys hugging and laughing, Tristan bouncing and rocking and flapping ecstatically when the routine went off without a hitch.

The video cycles to the next one, a different set of Nakamura's. Chris blinks and then looks at the three of them, eyes moving from one to the next. "Why... are you watching... that?"

His voice shifts, change, slips into a drip-drop of words, a slowly leaking faucet language that Laken barely understands when compared to his usual mile-a-minute. He stands perfectly still.

Once again, Jake and Antoni aren't surprised.

"Chrisha," Antoni says, gently. Jake's jaw works, maybe fighting for words that don't come. "That is you, we think. You were... are Tristan Higgs."

Chris's eyes move to Antoni. Then back to Jake. "No," He says, simply. "I'm... not."

"Chris?" Laken feels a wash of uncertainty. "Are you okay? We're pretty sure this is you."

Chris stares right through Laken, eyes empty, full of a kind of fog all their love can't break through. "No, I, I'm not. I'm... not him."

Jake is the one to push himself to his feet first, taking Chris gently by the arm to walk him back towards the doorway. "Chris-"

"I'm... not, not him," Chris says, looking up at Jake, up and up and up. "I'm... not, Jake."

Chris, Laken's sunshine boy, their love and light and life, is a dull bit of broken rock, sodden earth after too much rain, the sooty stumps of trees in an empty wildfire-wrecked field.

"I know it's hard," Jake says, folding Chris into his arms, and Laken watches with a twist of something that isn't quite jealousy, but isn't that far off. Chris will always turn to Jake, first. They can't compete with that - they don't want to, even, they just sort of wish they could. "I know, Chris. But Laken's right, this kid... I think that might really be you."

"No," Chris whispers, burying his head into Jake's chest. "No, no, no. I'm... not. I, I make myself, I made Chris, I don't want to, to, to to to-to be anyone else anymore..."

"You're still Chris," Jake murmurs, and holds him close. "You're still my brother. This just tells us maybe a little bit about what happened before I met you, that's all. That's it, Chris. Nothing has to change."

"Everything changed," Chris whispers, pulling slowly back. "Because I, I did it wrong. I, I, I moved, wasn't... I was, was supposed to hide... and, and be so quiet..." His hands move, one finger up to his lips, as though shushing himself. The empty look in his eyes is cracking open to a well of pain that Laken, for all the times they've held him after nightmares and all the meltdowns they've seen... They've never seen it quite like this.

He pulls away from Jake, and slowly picks his backpack up from the floor.

"Chris?" Laken shifts forward, but the look on his face when he glances back at them makes them stop short. "Baby, I-"

"Go... home, Laken," Chris says, and turns away from them. "Tris, Tristan Higgs is, is, is, is dead. He, he, he... he he-... he, k-... killed people, and he’s, he’s, he’s dead.”

He's gone, his feet heavy on the stairs, before Laken can say another word.

Jake and Antoni glance at each other - another immense conversation contained in a single shared look - and then Jake sighs. "Come in, Laken. I'll drive you back to campus. Ant, if you'll-"

"Watch the house and speak to Chrisha. Got it." Antoni gives Laken a soft, sympathetic smile. "These things are not easy," He says, softly. "You cannot pick yourself back up again, simple as that, start a story where you were left off. I will speak with him."

"But, I should-"

"You'll make it worse," Jake says, rough-edged again.

"Harder," Antoni gently corrects. "He will need us, who know what it is they do to our minds, tonight."

"Wh-what do they do?” Laken looks from one of the men to the other. “I, I know memory loss, I get that, and he was clearly-... hurt, so much, but-”

“They take a frightened man-... or, child,” Antoni says, voice gentle as always. “And they teach us that the person we were before was so terrible that the person we are now exists only to suffer.”

“But he’s just a kid, there, in that video,” Laken says, a token protest, voice weak. Antoni’s smile widens, slightly, in its sympathy for them. “There’s no kid on earth who could possibly deserve that. He doesn’t even remember what happened!”

“You do not have to remember a crime to be told you are responsible for it.”

“But-”

Antoni takes their hands in his, looking them right in the eyes. “When you are alone, and frightened, and desperate to survive... you will believe anything that gives you the slightest chance for a way out.”

Laken swallows, hard, thinking of Chris whispering after a nightmare one night, they made me a Romantic pet because I was a slut who wanted it all the time - their sunshine boy, who never ever does, effortlessly believing a lie, repeating back the names they called him, acting unbothered and like he barely noticed his own words.

Laken swallows back a flip of disgust at the idea of a teenager being taught to hate himself that way.

“Wh-what happens if he remembers everything they made him forget?” Laken’s voice is a whisper.

“If we’re lucky,” Jake says gruffly, “He doesn’t remember it all at once. If we’re not-”

A wail shatters their conversation, a low keening cry from upstairs, muffled by distance and closed doors, a sound of wild screaming wordless grief. All three of them flinch as there’s a resounding crash and a slammed door.

“If we not, that happens,” Jake says, and he’s on his feet and up the stairs before Laken can remind him that he’d said he would take them home. They move to stand, but Antoni lays a hand on their arm.

“Jake, first,” He says softly. “It is easy to be overwhelmed, in these moments. Jake first, and then you.”

What they feel now is definitely a little bit jealousy.

And guilt.

Chris’s screaming, his misery and pain, seems to go on forever, twist itself into the walls of the house and burrow in. Antoni leaves to comfort frightened people who stick their heads out of doors and ask what’s going on, people Laken doesn’t know and has never been introduced to. They look at Laken, consider them, and Antoni speaks to them with soft reassurance while Laken feels helpless, and hopeless, and pointless in this house full of hurting people, while their own hurting person finds comfort in his brother, not in them.

They turn back to look at Jake’s laptop, sitting alone and watching a group of gymnasts hugging after getting their scores, laughing.

The title dates it as a year after the dancing video.

By the time this one was filmed, Tristan Higgs was already gone.

---

Tagging: @burtlederp , @finder-of-rings , @endless-whump , @whumpfigure , @slaintetowhump , @astrobly @newandfiguringitout , @doveotions , @pretty-face-breaker , @boxboysandotherwhump , @oops-its-whump @moose-teeth , @cubeswhump , @cupcakes-and-pain @whump-tr0pes @whumpiary @orchidscript

#chris the strawberry blond romantic #whump #memory loss #memory recovery #tw: trauma recovery #box boy #box boy universe #recovery whump #laken mamani: frankly i want to date them #tristan higgs #jake the shelter guy #antoni sings lullabies

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uwua3 · 4 years ago

Text

a3! as genshin impact characters

🌸🌻🍁❄️ all troupes

author’s note: all twenty-nine (29) playable characters are included in this post! some boys have two characters associated with them ✺(^▽^✺) ✺(^O^)✺ (✺^▽^)✺ (if you’d like me to elaborate or anything, please ask!!! this was so hard ╥﹏╥)

word count: 5,012

🌸 SPRING 💗

1. SAKUMA SAKUYA

♡ RAZOR + TRAVELER — the heroes who will save the world with their love alone

everything they do is out of love. to destroy or create, it all has the same source: the pure love from their hearts

they work hard every day to protect the ones they love no matter what. they’re the first to stand in front of you, ready to sacrifice their life to make sure you see another day

would go to the ends of the earth to save you. no continent is too big for them to travel across. if they can find you, all those years would be worth every moment

they wouldn’t hesitate to assist a stranger in need even if it cost him their life. friend or foe, they are a friend to all because they only see good until proven wrong

has the natural ability to make everyone want to root for them. you can’t help but believe in them against all odds!

has the biggest heart to take everyone in despite having their own burdens — has lost everything but still loves unconditionally because they never want anyone to experience the heartbreak they did

believes in lupical = fated family (knows family comes first at the end of the day, blood-related or not)

2. USUI MASUMI

♡ DILUC + XINYAN — the outcasts who would do anything for their inner circle

the first to run into battle for the people who have earned their lifelong loyalty

longs for the embrace of parents who are never coming back for them. even if the parents left first, a part they desperately try to hide wishes that they’d prove them wrong and come back. it’s a hopeless case...

despite presenting themselves as standoffish and blunt, the general public still admires them for their natural skill & ability. it doesn’t matter what they do, their background actions are more than enough to redeem their somewhat problematic attitude

devoted to mankai/mondstadt’s safety even if they won’t admit it. they’re the last to verbalize their concerns because they’ll fix it without telling anyone

difficult to get to open up; expresses their loyalty through meaningful actions instead of words

finds comfort in music regardless of how popular/trendy it is. as long as it makes them forget the judgmental world around them, that’s all they need

challenges prejudices by being upfront and confrontational about their opinions even in the face of criticism

3. MINAGI TSUZURU

♡ MONA + JEAN — the prodigies who have something to prove to themselves

extremely talented but receives little to no recognition for it/taken for granted

overwork themselves to find worth in their existences; see their actions as proof of deserving good things — if they’re not working, why would they deserve to take care of themselves?

would rather pass out before ever asking someone else for assistance; their independence is both their greatest strength and weakness

are always involved in any type of situation because they’re insistent on finding a solution (automatically feel responsible for other people’s problems). as a result, they often pass boundaries without realizing because they’re too curious and care too much

regardless, they’re a person of their word and can be counted on at any given time. they can have a full schedule but they’ll still put you on top of their list

the older sibling type who can scold their subordinates very effectively (listening to them lecture is tiring, but all of it is true and they always mean well) — can play the guilt card too well and becomes satisfied when people admit they’re right

becomes uncharacteristically quiet and at a loss of words when they realize they’re necessary to their company (people often forget they’re real people just like us)

4. CHIGASAKI ITARU

♡ ALBEDO + KAEYA — the two-faced mysteries who keep running from their past

no one will ever truly know who they are past their facade, and that’s how they want it

their past is indistinguishable at best, they’ll take the secrets of their harrowing and misunderstood history to the grave

no matter what their reasons are, they’re an enigma. they can adapt to any social situation possible with ease and charm everyone in the room to take the side of a stranger. it’s a blessing and a curse to be so well-liked and unknowable

their relationships are mainly acquaintances; it’s nearly impossible for people to maintain close contact with them. they’re like impersonal ghosts who appear right when you need them (they’re there at your worsts and bests, but no where in between)

whether it’s at the top of dragonspine or down below in mondstadt, you can always find them in isolation, where they dedicate themselves to a hobby of theirs to ignore the voices of their past. yet, oddly enough, no matter how caught up they are in their work, they’ll always sense when a person sneaks into their room

their words are carefully chosen and rarely are they impulsive, unless at their wits end and exhausted from maintaing a mask all this time. if they do happen to break character, they’ll apologize the best way they know how to: insincerely

it seems like nothing can crack their carefully formulated exterior, until a genuine act of good is done for them, then you might be able to catch a true smile from them

5. CITRON

♡ AMBER — the story-teller who is a friend to all no matter what

it doesn’t matter if you’re an outsider or not, you will always be accepted by them for who you are

they’re the type to cheer the loudest for you at an event you’re losing in, because there’s never a doubt in their mind you’ll win

always updated on intel and information on every person around them for some reason. the stories they tell are sometimes so strange, bizzare, and far-fetched that it’s hard to believe. yet, it’s often true because they genuinely have no reason to lie

prepared to take on any challenging task due to their unstoppable efforts! for any obstacle they face, they’re doing it with unparalled energy and enthusiasm (even if they do it wrong)

popular with strangers and has the special talent of making people warm up to them quickly. they’re easily recognizable from people you’ve never even seen before on the streets and they never forget a face! they have no problem recalling names with a big smile

used to doing things by the handbook and often requires assistance when making decisions not based on rules. can unintentionally cause problems when acting on impulse, which only further encourages them to explore more

despite being a friendly (albeit naive) person, they’re extremely capable and much more perceptive than anyone would think. they catch details first but misinterpet them depending on the person. they’re just too blinded by their belief in everyone!

🌻 SUMMER 💛

6. SUMERAGI TENMA

♡ XIANGLING + DIONA — the passionate hot-heads who will beat any challenge

watch out for them because they’re ready to burst at any given moment or time! anything can set these firecrackers off; they’re a fuse that’s always lit

in no way do they intend to hurt other people’s feelings, but their competitive streak and fatal flaw of doing anything on a dare make them problematic to some

yet, it’s hard to dislike them when they’re so skilled and talented. whatever they set their mind to, they execute it the best and add their own flavor to it! they impress crowds with their fiery nature and bold approach to life, they’re a force to be reckoned with

it’s even more impressive considering how young they are. they’re so sure of themselves and present their ego confidently, knowing what they like and dislike. it’s such a convincing act, almost everyone would buy it

while these constant competitions to better themselves may make them seem self-centered, it only proves they can’t win it all. when they try to care for others, it comes off as awkward when out of their field of expertise. if they can’t offer advice on their speciality, it’s suddenly foreign to them

they seek your attention and validation, even if they know they’re good. they offer to escort you home even if there are street lights and become quickly embarrassed and in denial if you bring it up. they’re trying their best, they just don’t know how to be a good friend when they’ve been a great entertainer their whole life

they’re doing their best no matter what! they are always working on being the best versions of themselves even if they jump into challenges head-first. they do so because they know they’ll win, it’s a confidence that burns red hot

7. RURIKAWA YUKI

♡ KEQING — the skeptic who never settles for less

their standards are the highest anyone has ever seen, yet they pass them every single time

as a perfectionist, they will never do less than their fair share of work for as long as they live. they expect themselves to be ten times better than the average human because they know their own capabilities

they’re relentless and unmovable, as solid as a rock. they won’t stop at a task, no matter how big or small it is, until it’s perfectly complete and ready to be presented. they take pride in their work and demand others to be respectful of their efforts

they live honestly and in the most straightforward manner possible. there’s no question about their beliefs or values because they wear it proudly like a badge

even if their society looks down on them for it, they’ll always speak their mind and will never be silenced. they expect others to do the same and have a distaste for fakeness in all forms

aren’t afraid of self-reflection and instrospection; although it may take a bit, they’ll eventually admit their inaccuracy and will do anything to correct themselves if proven wrong

use their downtime by shopping and exploring what the shops have to offer. they know exactly what they’re looking for and hardly get distracted from their to-do list at hand

8. MIYOSHI KAZUNARI

♡ BARBARA — the “perfect” idol who can’t let go of their inferiority

adored by all, they can make anyone feel energized again just from the thought of them alone!

ever since they were young, they made people smile with their bright optimism. everyone claps when they perform, they’ll always receive a standing ovation from friends and strangers alike

they work hard for every accomplishment they’ve achieved, but they often feel like a fraud or imposter. like they truly don’t deserve or haven’t earned the success in their life

their inferiority complex is hidden carefully behind their helpful actions and entertaining theatrics for others. as long as they can make someone laugh, they’ll believe in themselves for a moment, too

despite struggling with depression, they have never once gave up on their hopes and dreams! even if they’re certain they’ll never compare to everyone else, they still beat every monster with a smile on their face

although they dream of becoming the most popular person around, they bury it deep inside. all they want is for people to like them... but sometimes, they question if others like them for who they are or their image

9. SAKISAKA MUKU

♡ NOELLE + SUCROSE — the hard-workers who are held back by their own insecurity

though they’re not the most dependable of people, they still commit themselves to learning more and more!

made of big dreams and an even bigger heart, they’re certain they’ll make everyone proud one day with their hard work and perfected skill

they often lose themselves in fantasies and find their mind to be the most entertaining place to be in. in their imagination, they can be anyone they want to be! a knight, an alchemist, an actor, anything is possible! of course, they’ll do these things in real life, too, but a little self-indulgence never hurt anybody~

incredibly curious and can find themselves in strange situations simply because they couldn’t resist learning more. luckily, they can always save themselves in the long run

polite & professional, they’re stubborn in their principles and can stand up for their own rules if need be. while they may come off as weak at first, they have it in them to defend anything they care for

has a habit of stuttering around others — nervous and humble, they find confidence to be intimidating and hard to approach. they respect leaders and could never imagine themselves in such a position (despite being fully capable of doing so)

the only person holding them back is themselves! if they believed in themself, they’d be someone their childhood selves would admire!

10. IKARUGA MISUMI

♡ KLEE — the energetic dreamer who’s a kid at heart

energetic & outgoing, they are always found running around, looking to make every moment of their life fun and interesting (though... they might be followed by a worried friend who fears the worst)

filled with childish youth and spirit, they live in the moment and wish to make friendships wherever they go!

when you meet them, all you want to do is make them happy. they’re innocently naive and remind you of how much good is in the world. they wear their heart on their sleeve and no one could ever be so evil as to break it

they do everything and anything to make their friends proud, such as following any rules they set in place. they become genuinely guilty when they make a mistake, so please comfort them the best you can!

they’re terrified of losing another person in their life. that’s why they treat everyone nicely when seeing one another, they’re scared of every meeting being the last

much more capable than they appear. they can take down anything in their path even if they seem a little lost & confused half of the time. they’re every team’s secret weapon as long as they’re with their friends!

as much as they are a handful, they always mean well and will be a friend until the end!

🍁 AUTUMN 🧡

11. SETTSU BANRI

♡ CHILDE — the fragmented weapon who is always picking a fight

when meeting them for the first time, it isn’t until they leave that you release the breath you didn’t know you were holding

always front and center, their power is unmatched and is present in every unpredictable move they make. under their mask of youthfulness is an aged soul traumatized by reasons unknown

they’re willing to be any person you want them to be, as long as they get what they need. so one minute they’ll be smiling and laughing away, next they act like they didn’t even know you

wildly unhinged and deceptive, they imitate the wind of freedom but are truly restrained by their own private thoughts & feelings. their nonchalance and “i don’t care” attitude is a fool’s act

rarely feels alive — only feels the effects of a challenge when at the verge of death. it is only then that they let all hell reign loose. though, that rarely happens considering they barely have to try before being crowned victor

despite their moral ambigiousness, they are as straightforward as can be and are true with their word. if they say they’ll do somethig (at a price, of course), they’ll do it quickly and efficiently. they use any method possible to finish a task, as long as it guarantees results

isn’t used to others playing them at their own game. if you trick them (which can be done if you inflate their ego), they’re sure to have a grudge against you for an exaggerated amount of time. they may not admit it, but they expect others to be as honest as them (it stings unpleasantly when they realize they do not have the upper hand)

(it’s okay though, because they’ll never show their rare moments of weakness to anyone)

12. HYODO JUZA

♡ QIQI — the wronged ones who were reborn for a better life

all they ever wanted was a second chance at life. now that they’ve got it, they’re going to do everything they can to make it right

despite the world being so cruel & unforgiving, they cannot give up on it. they do their best to live proudly and happily, to heal their inner child who wasn’t so fortunate

has fascinations with the littlest things in life. in their rather monotone voice, they express their want for anything sweet (such as “cocogoat” milk or candy)

though, it’s hard to tell their mood based on voice alone. but, their eyes light up at the thought of anything that makes them happy. they will always have that childlike wonder no matter how old they get

quiet & reserved, they are oblivious to any amounts of attention on them and prefer moving in solitude. they find comfort in strolling far away from the human eye and take things one step at a time

their strength is unprecendented by every mean! just because they’re on the quieter side, doesn’t mean they can’t hold their own in a fight. in fact, it’s a rather hilarious sight to see an unassuming person staring down at someone with a blank expression (only they can order themself to cause such violence, however)

give them a moment to process you if they seem to have forgotten! they firmly believe it is better to forget. forgetting painful memories is a way of releasing

13. FUSHIMI OMI

♡ GANYU + BEIDOU — the gentle giants who could end the world, but choose not to

despite being capable of violence and causing bloodshed, they have left that life behind to be a regular person of society

though their past is tarnished by unsavory acts, they work to redeem themselves and bring comfort to others instead. whether it be taking on a larger share of work than necessary or preparing homemade meals, they’re an essential coming back after a long, hard day

therefore, their favorite way of group bonding is laughing over drinks and food with each other! they have no problem spending money on a feast as long as everyone comes to have fun

because of this, they have a great amount of appreciation for anyone who does a good thing for them. if it’s food, they’ll eat it all even if on a full stomach. if it’s an accessory, they’ll wear it at all times even if it clashes. they wish to take care of anything with sentimental value from now on

their faith and loyalty can be considered blind, but they have immense trust in others. they’ve lived far too long being suspicious of others, they want to live believing in good even if it stabs them in the back later on — yet, this doesn’t mean they’re naive in any way. in fact, they have no fear towards powerful entities that most would usually run away from. they’re confident in who they are after years of training and strength-building

due to their many years of experience in every predicament possible, they have a talent of reading people easily. tiny changes in facial expression are nothing to them and they can tell good from bad right away

so if they consider you a close friend, you have a strong ally besides you that will always do the right thing

14. NANAO TAICHI

♡ BENNETT — the unlucky unwanted ones who carry the weight of the world on their shoulders

no one expects them to be the oldest sibling, but they are! they have the responsibility of taking care of those around them, whether it be younger siblings or elder adventurers

although it becomes quite exhausting and difficult the older everyone gets, they never complain about their duty and will always see it through. sure, it’s more trouble than it’s worth, but if they don’t do it, who else will?

seldom do they feel discouraged, but when they do, it’s not long before they get back up and try again! their tears never last long because they’re never giving up. they can’t lose when so many people are relying on them...

they’re used to doing everything by themself. whatever you need to get done, they’ll do it with one more band-aid on their face! they’ve acquired so many skills that they’re a jack of all trades (and a master at none)

because of that, they’re always smiling no matter what life throws at them. there will always be tomorrow if today is bad, and they’ll do even better! so you better believe it!

even though it seems like they’re “cursed” with bad luck, you can often hear them say, “i’m the luckiest boy alive!”, when anything good happens. those little things keeps them going throughout all the bad

after all, how can they possibly have bad luck when they have so many great friends? they haven’t given up on them, so they’ll always do their best!

15. FURUICHI SAKYO

♡ NINGGUANG + ZHONGLI — the businesspeople who can never have enough money to feel secure

growing up with absolutely nothing, they refuse to go back to a time where weakness was all they had. therefore, even “dirty” money is considered a blessing these days

some may call them “frugal and cheap”, they like to put it as “saving money wisely”. they accept money isn’t permanent and anyone could lose it, even themselves. excess extravagence is a luxury even they won’t indulge in (for themselves especially, but others have a higher possibility)

everything they’ve earned has come from hard work and perseverance. they’re self-made and continue building their empire from the ground up. they’re never comfortable and are always seeking good opportunities to expand their wealth

even as they reluctuantly take on assistants, they’re still uncomfortable with the thought of asking for help when they’ve done everything by themself for so long. they hate to make themselves seem like a parasite and compensate fairly through other means

they’re not afraid to get into debates with just about everyone and see arguments as a way to solve problems and move forward. they’re relentless when speaking the cold truth and hard facts, but they do it to get the hurt over with. they’re not intentionally mean, they’re just cut-throat

they believe their past their “prime time” of experience and encourage others to aspire for more. they act as if they’ve lived several lifetimes (it is questionable if they have) and speak with wisdom so certain, no one thinks to disagree

they can bargain and negotiate for hours; it’s what they know best. should they lose this money... that is simply not a possibility. money protects them and they use it to protect others as well. any loss of money is a sign of danger to them

❄️ WINTER 💙

16. TSUKIOKA TSUMUGI

♡ XINGQIU — the booksmart leads who commit to doing good

at first, they are perfect students. their nose is always in a book, they retain information like its water, and are always gracing others with their polite manners and elegance

they were born with potential and promise, with the knowledge strong enough to change the tide. parents were envious of their achievements and clear excellence and often compared their own children to them (much to the dismay of their inherent humbleness)

yet, beneath their picture-perfect status is a much more curious, troublesome side. their thirst for knowledge grows more and more each day, they have to know. ignorance is not bliss at all

despite their constant learning, they never do it in an underhanded method. they’re honest if their principles are on the line and they believe in upholding morals & ethics

if they do not adhere to these righteous ways, how can they expect anyone else to? as long as they’re doing the right thing, that’s what matters

therefore, it’s more often than not that they give credit to others. they hardly take time to put their name on a project first and pass their own hard work to others. they find it much more rewarding to see people get praised than to receive it himself

though, if you want to thank them, it’ll be much harder to find them to begin with. they can disappear for days at a time before coming back. do not ask why, because the only answer you’ll hear is, “a moment of solitude”

17. TAKOTO TASUKU

♡ CHONGYUN — the ice-cold actor who does everything to conceal his secret side...

stoice & composed, it’s nearly impossible to get a reaction out of this serious person. unless...

they can become two completely separate people if the case calls for it. blame it on whatever you want, whether it be congenital positivity or acting, but they can become friendly and illogical if their job or roles requires it

this is always an entertaining sight for their friends, but it’s extremely embarrassing for them personally. they will apologize again and again, but it’s bound to occur in the near future

regardless of their quirk, they have strong ambitions to be the best in their business and will continue trekking down the long road ahead to do so

in order to be at the top of their game, they have immense self-control and follow a strict routine all for self improvement

they can get up early in the morning and work late into the night with no problems. their endurance is like no other and there is no limit to how far they’ll go for perfection

though anyone can be intimidated by their talents that go beyond the normal standard, they’re just a normal person at the end of the day who has a lot to work on

18. YUKISHIRO AZUMA

♡ LISA — the brains & beauty who make sure no one underestimates them

despite being the smartest and most self-sufficient of their group, they’re simplified to their appearance and charismatic personality at first glance

while they’re used to being objectified, they’ve figured out a way to use it to their advantage. because of this, no one can ever make them react genuinely. they have a calm, composed persona that never fails

hard to read and a master of charm, the only way you can tell they’re visibly not pleased is when the air crackles with electricity. the tension they can create is unfathomable and only they can dispel it. so, better to make it up to them quick or the uncomfortable atmosphere stays!

even if they appear as languid and slow as a cat, they do everything flawlessly. nothing is out of place wherever they go and their attention to detail is second to none. no matter who scrutinizes them, they’ll always exceed every standard with high remarks

yet, they can become easily bored. they need many things to keep them entertained for extended amounts of time. once they get their hands on something, they’ll study it so much until there’s nothing left to learn. if you have any questions, they can explain it in the plainest terms possible

please do not ask them to go do a task, however. they avoid troubling work that has the slightest possibility of giving them wrinkles. they’re lazy by nature, and it’s something they will not change

while they are confident they can handle any situation, they choose not to. more work is something they can never accept on their own terms

19. ARISUGAWA HOMARE

♡ FISCHL — the robotic wanderers who have no place to call home

disguising their true self behind frivilous words and outlandish theories, they almost seem like they’re not from this world at all

due to their odd behavior, they rarely have friends that go along with their roleplay and require translation half the time

regardless, they speak in poems and rhymes for the fun of it. if it makes them happy, so be it!

they take comfort in literature and fantasy stories and project onto characters they love. if they can become a story protagonist, they’d be able to do anything

because of this reliance, it’s hard to meet anyone who can get past their eccentricies. not to mention their family who attempts to be supportive but ultimately grows confused by their grand demeanor

yet, they’re unapologetically themself and refuse to break character for anyone. they don’t compromise their words or actions and are authentically themselves

they’re writing their own story and will never let anyone else decide it for them again

20. MIKAGE HISOKA

♡ XIAO + VENTI — the land-bound souls who wish to be relieved by the wind

there is more to them than that meets the eye; no one has ever dealt with more loss than them

the pains of their mysterious past have made them seem like they’re ancient; moving slowly with the weight of their forgotten responsibilities and promises upon their shoulders

their piercing gaze and ability to be dangerous is a rare sight, though you would be extremely lucky to even survive long enough to see it at its worst. its like muscle memory to them, their violence is like an instinct when threatened

due to experiencing so much in so little time, they now have no fear of others’ judgment whatsoever. they won’t hesitate to mock anyone when prompted and doesn’t need other people’s approval anymore

that is because they can still hear the voices of those they could not save. the dead haunt them whenever they sit idle for too long, so they escape their reality through many means, whether it be sleeping or drinking

they attempt to live freely, like their losses should’ve. they live the life they know their ghosts would’ve wanted and uphold the price to pay for surviving

“it shouldn’t have been me, not them”, you can find them saying in the latest of hours. nevertheless, they fight on. they have an eternal debt to pay to god knows what

(catboy)

#a3! act! addict! actors!#a3!#act! addict! actors!#a3! actor training game #mankai a3!#mankai company #genshin impact #spring troupe #summer troupe #autumn troupe #winter troupe

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thiefakefia · 3 years ago

Text

TKB: Post-Dawn of the Duel

So, because I’m going to be referring specifically to how I choose to write TKB, and how my TKB responds to losing, I will call him Akefia/Kef throughout this post. This is how I write Akefia in my main verse, when dealing with waking up in a new world. I’ve sorta structured this around the 7 stages of grief, but changed the order as appropriate, because it resonates. He is grieving the loss of his village (properly, without the hyperfocus on revenge), and he is grieving the loss of everything he’s worked for. He’s also grieving for his previous view on the world, in a way. He felt he was right, and now in the silence, he has to face what he’s done.

I should probably point out at this point that I don’t subscribe to the idea that TKB was 100% right in what he did. Neither does my Kef (although it takes time for him to accept it). Was his anger justified? Absolutely! Was the chaos justified? Not at the extreme it went to. Not with the innocent people that got involved. I don’t believe it was meant to go that way - and TKB’s confusion as to what was going on when Yami Bakura lets control of him go says a lot to me. He was a pawn - but I don’t believe he’s innocent, either. I think his anger fuelled so much of what happened.

Stage 1: Shock and Disbelief

I mean... what do you do when you’ve revolved your life around a plan of vengeance for so long and now it’s just... gone? There’s a serious sense of shock that goes through him. Everything that’s happened hasn’t caught up with him. He’s not even begun to analyse it - if he was wrong, or right. He’s numb, and lost.

Stage 2: Denial

He’s already a touch removed from the circumstances, having been possessed for a significant portion of it. The way I write him, Kef remembers the majority of it (but later describes it like he was watching it happen, more than controlling it). That sense of derealisation from it means he doesn’t really believe this is happening. His next instinct is to find a way home and effectively fix it. He doesn’t believe he’s lost - and he certainly doesn’t believe it’s over. He will drive himself positively nuts, trying to find a way back.

Stage 3: Anger

Anger at everything but himself starts to settle in his bones. This is the Pharaoh’s fault- those damn Priests- the Gods- this city- these strangers in the streets. Somebody has to pay for it, and Akefia erupts in violence during this stage. Whilst my TKB has a strong history of violence, his anger reaches a level of pointless overkill. The sense of derealisation continues, and he’s removed from his victims as a result. He’s not seeing them as people, but fictional ghosts in a world that isn’t real, which allows the violence to escalate further. This stage tends to be shorter under a good influence if he meets someone. Seeing just one person in his new world as a real, genuine human being allows him to realise the other people are actual real humans he’s harming.

Stage 4: Guilt

This is the longest stage for Akefia, as he battles with what he’s done. The reality of living a new life is starting to sink in, and it begins with the guilt for what he did during the anger phase. It’s only then that he starts to analyse his past behaviour, and picks apart the battle and what he remembers of it. Left to his own devices... this is a pretty long struggle where he swings between stubborness of “not my fault” and realisation of “I really messed this up.”. With the help of a friend he feels comfortable sharing with, it’s a lot easier for him to manage the negative feelings that come with this stage. By himself, it delves into “Am I bad person?” to an extreme that isn’t productive.

He will absolutely settle into the conclusion that he’s responsible for everything that happened - even picking apart what he remembers of the connection between Y!Bakura and Ryou and holding himself accountable for the devastation of Ryou’s childhood. If left to come to his own conclusions, he will take on responsibility to an overwhelming amount to a degree that begins to cause panic attacks and a level of anxiety he has never experienced before. There is no fixing those mistakes - and he has no idea what to do with them, or any idea how to conceptualise a new life after this.

He swings rapidly between feeling he deserves the punishment of being dumped in a new, confusing world, and wishing he had just died and feeling he should have.

With assistance, he’s able to parse through a little better. Whilst still taking responsibility for everything involved - and absolutely refusing to accept anyone telling him he isn’t, or that everything he did was justified - he is able to manage his own feelings better with much-needed comfort. He’s able to maintain some level of calm and composure, rather than being completely overwhelmed by his own negativity. During this stage, he’s also inclined to ask vague, often nonsensical questions and get frustrated when the other person is confused. His ability to function around other people is not yet at a level where he can actually verbalise what he’s thinking/feeling properly.

There is also the added difficultly of feeling he doesn’t deserve assistance and, as he realises more and more that he Done Fucked Up, worrying that this person really shouldn’t be involved with him - and would they if they knew everything he’d done? Akefia, although he will share bits, is hardly the most forthcoming about everything with the majority of people.

The guilt goes on so long because it has so many layers to it. Right from the very beginning, there is a survivor’s guilt from Kul Elna. To guilt for things he had to do to survive before Dawn of the Duel. To the damage he did to Ryou’s life - a completely innocent child. To the innocent people who got swept up in his attempt at vengeance. And in spite of knowing he shouldn’t have let it get that far... the guilt at feeling he failed his village, even so. It, frankly, would take a professional to sort it through with him properly - but Akefia will never do that much to his own disaster (frankly). I know I could personally go deeper into this but I feel like I would never stop!

Stage 5: Depression

I mean, I think this is self-explanatory given what he goes through with the grief stage. That’s a LOT of emotions to swallow, and it causes him to become withdrawn and depressed. Akefia, who has never wanted to laze in his life, who has always enjoyed being outside and hates feeling trapped... now wants nothing more than to retire to bed, pull a blanket over his head and block out the world. Having previously only woken up crying with nightmares, he now finds himself prone to random fits of tears.

He never ‘gets over’ this stage, so much as it becomes episodic as he learns to feel things other than anger and frustration, and how to handle those emotions. The depression never fully goes back in its box but it becomes shorter periods of times, days or weeks rather than months where he refuses to do anything but lay down. He becomes disinterested in food, water or any form of caring for himself - which is also very uncharacteristic of my Kef, who has always prioritised surviving over emotion.

Stage 6: Reconstruction

Akefia starts to see his new life as an actual life - not a prison he’s trapped in. He begins to focus on any connections he’s made and how he can move forward with them. Rather than obsessing over whether or not he deserves them, he starts to search for ways to earn them. This isn’t always healthy for him, and he needs help moderating it as he learns to interact with people around him after a lifetime of refusing to engage with them.

It’s messy, it’s chaos and it’s full of emotion Akefia has no experience dealing with. It’s also... beautiful (to me, anyway). From an intense hyperfocus on vengeance to actually finding joy in life. To enjoying the things he’d considered stupid, and pointless. Whether it’s platonic or romantic, Akefia learning to live a new life with other people in it is not always simple but it’s usually worth it for both parties involved.

Stage 7: Acceptance

Although his past will never be forgotten, Akefia accepts every bit of it as his story. He’s more honest with himself, and others. To the right person, he’ll answer more questions honestly, and he’ll bring up more stories when he trusts someone to give him insight into his own behaviour.

He starts to fully engage in his future, looks to make actual plans and learns more about the world, and people, around him. Instead of only showing interest enough to find a way to survive, he becomes curious and invested in the world around him. He mellows as he begins to fully accept life for what it is - and for what it was. As previously mentioned, he continues to battle periods of depression (and anxiety), and he, unsurprisingly, is traumatised from many of the events in his life. It’s not always an easy life he lives, but he does find his centre, and often a slice of happiness he never thought he could have.

#tw: suicidal thoughts #TKB #thief king bakura #I used my energy for good today #this actually made me more emotional than I thought it would ngl XD #Kef's not a perfect person and he's done a lot of bad things but watching him go on the rollercoaster of emotions #as he realises he bears a good portion of responsibility and he learns to feel things other than anger and hatred...#I really love him okay?#He's messy. He's chaotic. And I just love him #Anyway this is my take and how I write him so don't come for me because everyone has their own opinion on this and this is mine #headcanon

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