#there haven't been a lot of workout years in my life lol

[takeiteasyjoan]

Okay okay I think when December starts, I think I'm gonna go ahead and get a Planet Fitness membership. My plan will be to go Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays. Probably just try to do what I used to do, 30-45 minutes treadmill, 30-45 minutes on the weight machines, and then like 15 minutes on the elliptical to end. Probably to start I'll just do the treadmill for a couple weeks because I stopped going to the gym regularly in like 2017(?). I'll also use "Couch to 5k" or a similar app to get me going with the running because, again, I have been pretty sedentary outside of my retail job for like 7 years so yeah.

[brucespringsteen]

Hi, do you have any beginner tips for lifting/getting into the gym? I no longer want to be a scrawny waifish butch and instead wanna be able to pick up my gf and look like mid 80s Bruce… If you’re comfortable talking about it I’d love to hear if you have any tips… I’ve been researching and have learned that diet is a huge part in building muscle but as far as the gym goes I’m lost… I’m honestly mostly just nervous because I have no clue where to start and don’t want some dude to help me (nothing wrong honest help I’m just shy and get embarrassed)… Thank you!!!

hi king 🤝🏻

im so happy 2 talk about this cos im in my musclebound era again

disclaimer what i know is a mix of what i learned from my dad and reddit threads LOL and my own trial and error. weightlifting really is the gayass journey of all time 💪🏼😋

first gonna keep it real with u ive lost a lot of muscle mass from stupid life events n being sad lol but im actually getting back into a routine for the first time in over a year. so i haven't properly lifted anything heavier than the 15lbs dumbells i got at home 😂 when i was once able to press more than my weight ✊🏼😔 BUT form is so much more important than lifting heavy. u will get better results lifting at a weight that you can control and build up lifting heavier over time 👍🏼 which i can go more in depth about how to do that. good form is so sexy and makes u feel and look so badass

u might find more eloquent lifters out there who talk about the mind and muscle connection and visualization. it's really cool stuff that connects practicing mindfulness as u workout which is what makes weightlifting so meditative to me. this will also help u maintain good form and i think nourishes a healthy mindset toward working out/yourself in general

n you are definitely right about diet playing a huge part. don't worry about bulking/cutting when ur first starting out, most important thing is making sure you're getting enough protein. if u are iron deficient i would look into taking a supplement! dont know all the science but iron keeps ur oxygen flowing better, so your stamina can be down if ur iron count is low. my mindset about diet is the simpler the better and u should never be miserable lol. i will never give up beer & pizza & a good time 🫡

second most important thing is sleep. make sure u get enough.

1. back/shoulders and biceps

going to the gym can be a little scary, but that's where having a routine helps so much 🧑‍💻doing one of those dynamic workout routines u find on an instagram reel every now and then can be fun and i recommend it. BUT doing a random workout Everytime u workout will make it difficult to see results. doing the same workouts is how u can see ur progression better and focus on good form. im talking about learning the basics of benching, squatting, and deadlifting. 😜✌🏼

if u can, i would aim a routine of 3-4 times a week. I kept it like this:

2. leg day and abs

3. chest and triceps

what helped in staying consistent w going to the gym was having a set time where i would go. ritualistic

4th extra day: fun cardio like interval training or boxing. OR if i was feeling like i just needed a chill day a slow incline walk on treadmill/outside😊 then do some really intense stretching/foam rolling

here is an example of a chest/tris day

The 3 "T's" stand for tiers starting with the most difficult exercises, so I could use most of the energy I have on it.

To elaborate further on how to see progress: say this week you're able to bench press 60lbs. Next week you try 70lbs on your last rep and it's kinda hard. The third week, you bench 60lbs again, and it feels a little easier now. The fourth week, you're benching 70lbs on your last two sets. By the fifth week, you find you're able to do your entire workout with 70! Etc repeat etc

when i first started i kept one of those tiny composition books w different workouts and id also keep track of how much i was lifting when i reached a new pr/mile time/etc. u can also just keep this in ur notes app. but i found having the paper in front of me was more efficient than continuously looking at my phone and fighting the urge to check apps in between sets lol. also if i was getting texts id have No Idea which just helped me reinforce the gym was Me Time

before u buy into a gym membership tho, take advantage if they have a free trial. u can find what time is least busy/if the vibe fits for u.

another tip. put a photo 1985 bruce on ur wall trust me this will help.

I can go more indepth about specific workouts or if u got other questions, lmk!

U got this!

[dogwooddiaries]

10 Questions for 10 Writers

Thanks for the tagging my newborn writer self @sparrow-in-the-field and @seasidesandstarscapes

1. Is writing a hobby or a way of life?

a hobby

2. A journal full of notes or a clean completed manuscript?

Manuscript. My pattern seems to be to type up a few brainstorming notes and then just go from there, pretty much moving chronologically into a complete manuscript.

3. Who or what inspired your writing?

I've always written a lot of stuff from my gut and personal experiences - poetry, essays, journaling, descriptive pieces, etc. A little journalism too. My sister and I wrote plays all the time as kids, but for the most part I haven't written much fiction until this year. As far as fanfiction inspiration goes, it was obviously the TBITB story and its amazing fic-writing community that made me want to try it out!

4. Which is worse: Someone you ‘idolize’ reading your first draft or listening to you sing?

I can carry a tune fine but would rather someone read a first draft. First drafts are first drafts, nbd.

5. Has writing from someone else’s POV changed your perspective?

I read pretty widely I think and accessing different POVs is one of my favorite things about reading. But I'm learning that writing different POVs definitely goes deeper, unearths more in my mind. Kind of like the difference between sympathy and empathy maybe?

6. Tumblr, AO3, LiveJournal, or FFN?

AO3

7. AO3 word count? And are you satisfied with it?

lol a whopping 15,714. The numbers don't matter to me yet. Maybe I'll have a goal someday.

8. What movie/book gripped you irrevocably?

As a kid, the Narnia series inspired a lot of my imaginative worlds and play and understanding of story. Obviously am currently gripped by the book/movie/story of TBITB. I had the thought the other day - if my 2018 self was told that in six years I'd be writing fics and immersed in a fandom of the book I had just finished, I would have been so confused. I mean, I loved the book. Really loved it, read it twice that year. But yeah, did not expect This.

9. What’s the highest compliment you could ever be given, and have you been given it?

I think someday, if someone told me they found themselves thinking about my writing again later, that it stuck with them, I would find that very complimentary. Haven't written fiction at that level yet, but maybe someday. That's what the most meaningful books and stories do for me.

10. What defines your writing style?

Floundering? Short? lol maybe descriptive writing. I'll describe every inch of the setting to exhaustion, but keeping the point/plot of things centered is hard. It is challenging for me to create a plot and to sustain even the slightest frame of one is a workout for my brain. It's immensely satisfying though, and I've been thinking I'd like to find some resources to help me improve in this area someday soon.

Pretty sure every follow I have on here who writes has been tagged, but if I'm wrong, of course play along!

[fitgothgirl]

I keep not updating because it's just felt like more and more of a weight the longer I go since the stuff I'd update about just keeps accumulating/progressing. But I'm just going to triage some things since updating on everything has apparently become a barrier lol.

Dealing with my four infections (quadfection?) is wrapping up soon; I've been on a total of five antibiotics for over three weeks straight, but I'm down to my last one and it finishes on Saturday. Been worried about how fucked my system is after all these since I've never been on antibiotics for this long, let alone five different ones (or even more than ONE), but I'm trying really hard to help out my gut microbiome. It's expensive but I've been having a kombucha basically everyday, and I've gotten some prebiotic sodas as well. Also I usually have a Greek yogurt everyday, and just am generally trying to eat well with lots of fiber and water.

Weight loss/fitness gains have been on pause during this, or technically even longer since the 10 days prior to all this was when I was in Costa Rica. Rest is good for all the fighting/healing my body has been doing with the quadfection though. When I got back I did lift a few times since I wanted to get back at it after the vacation and it was before the infections/antibiotics were getting piled on, but then I had a 2-week break from lifting until the day before yesterday. In between though I DID do a Zumba class, which was hard and I'm sure I looked like a fool but it was fun haha (gotta start somewhere!). The class was later in the evening so even though Zumba is popular, there were maybe only 10 people in that class, if that, so that was nice. I always need more cardio and just generally want to incorporate more complex/dynamic movement in my workouts because solely lifting can be kinda like tunnel vision for your muscles. I want more "real" movement, stuff you actually do in life, stuff that uses multiple body areas, etc.

Anyway, not feeling down on myself about the break or anything, my body needs it and it's been good to reassess things now that I've been a Gym Person for over 6 months. A little shake up might be good as I get back into things soon here. Even with the break, I've been trying to at least get in walks; I haven't been successful with my step goal most days and walking is just so good for everything... We're at the time of year where the season changes from day-to-day lol so when it's been nicer out I've been trying to jump on those days (rain is back now through the weekend though).

One thing I didn't even plan to work on but have just naturally fallen into since coming home is my sleep hygiene. Since Costa Rica is 2 hours ahead of my time zone, not only did I lose a couple hours of sleep, but everyday we were up somewhat early on top of that. And so when we got home, I woke up earlier than usual before work (i.e. not one minute before I'm supposed to log on lol), and I've just been keeping it going since then. I don't start work until 8:30am and I've now been waking up anywhere from 7am-8am. This is crazy for me since I've never been even close to a morning person, but the vacation gave me a bit of a leg up and I've just been riding the wave. I'm really enjoying the calm start before work, and going out and getting some morning sunlight in my backyard at least for a few minutes (Andrew Huberman fan here lol). I've even done some little dynamic warm-ups while getting that morning sun, like knee raises, jumping jacks, arm circles, etc. And all this sleep hygiene stuff means I've been going to bed earlier too.

Yesterday was really nice so I got out for a walk. The last year or so, I haven't been taking pictures as much on walks/hikes, mainly due to just trying to be in the moment. But I don't want to never take pictures again lol so yesterday I made a point to take a few. It's the wonderful time of year where everything is green and it makes me feel like we're in Scotland or something haha; albeit a nice summer day if it were Scotland. It's normal for Californian hills/fields to be "golden" for like 9 months of the year and it's even a symbol of the state, but I just love the green. 🥲 But yeah I specifically thought "I'm going to take pics to share with my fellow tumblerinas" so I was thinking of you guys when I took these. 😆😋

Bottom left is a plane-shaped kite and his idol, a real plane 🥺 lol

[gohjuo]

5. 8. 9. 11. for the mun questions !

munday questions

5. what time zone are you in? i'm in pst timezone or utc/gmt-8. just living in the past as i love to joke. lol 8. have you ever met anyone outside of RP? i have ! they would be: @getouh & @mortange / @starludes . the both of them are the few people that i've had a long lasting friendships. we've been friends for six years which is wild, but the both of them are so important to my life ( shoutout to river/hell for bringing us all together). i think no matter what happens in our lives, we still make time for each other in some capacity. i know our lives are hectic and all, but i appreciate all the time that we have spent together whether it's in person or voice chat. i will forever love our late night talks, freaking out about texas chainsaw massacre the game, and probably brainrotting about random things together ( mostly our muses or ideas, or listening to the best naruto rants). i can't wait to spend more time with them and see them once again. <3 9. how would you describe your aesthetic? hmm..i guess i try to have some sort of aesthetic with the dividers/block quote icons. i like those and think they look clean. i took a serious break from tumblr roleplaying so before i used to do the sub/sup text and i've found a workaround, so i'm trying to bring that back. i'm down to exploring with added colors, but for the most part i try to keep it simple. 11. what are you favorite hobbies besides roleplaying/writing? i think i would say i love working out ( i'm drinking pre-workout as we speak). it's such a great stress reliver and i really wanna be a curvy cutie as i love to say. but i also want to be good with my health. other than that i love gaming ( a lot of jrpgs and horror games), and though i haven't done it forever, i love to read.

@sozokami

[paulnewmanlover]

Personal Year in Review - 2022

Mostly just wanted to get my thoughts out about the year; it actually was a decent year, had some good ups and nothing dramatically low. My personal and mental stability has been much better, my baseline for happiness has been a lot higher, I feel more content with myself as a person and the direction I feel my life is moving.

Specific things I'm proud of:

- I read 21 books this year! I haven't read anything close to that many since.... I can't even remember, honestly. Favorite book this year is a toss-up between Beloved by Toni Morrison (SO well-written, holy shit) and Night Watch by Terry Pratchett (the character development and payoff after reading all the guards books in a row was incredible. mr vimes my poor little meow meow)

- Finished my first ever ttrpg campaign (what an incredible time it was, big kisses 2 the rapscallions crew) AND finally got the nerve to start DMing a DnD campaign!

- Made some local friends and actually started dating someone 😳

- I've had 2 separate incidents this year where I've actually caught myself before spiraling into a full blown panic attack and been able to identify what is happening/calm down/meditate my way out of it, which is HUGE for me. I've never been able to stop it before, and since my anxiety has gotten a lot worse these past few years actually having an effective tool is something I'm really proud of (gotta keep up the meditation habit though so it becomes a regular practice)

- I trained my cat to both let me clip her nails and brush her teeth every night! It's small and dumb but I worked really hard on it 🥲

- I got a promotion and a significant raise at work, and have gotten a lot of good feedback from my bosses, so I'm proud of the direction my career is moving, too

Things I need to work on this next year:

- My exercise routine has totally derailed... I need to workout regularly again

- My creativity and hobbies :( I blame Elden Ring for being so good lol but a lot of my time was just dumped into video games this year! and while I had rapscallions/DnD as a creative outlet I want to get back into arts, music, and crafts so I can make things again

- In a similar vein, I need to learn something new this year. I didn't push myself too far out of my comfort zone (which is fine!) but I want to try this year to do something I'm not familiar with. I miss learning a new hobby/skill or even digging into a topic I want to learn more about, instead of just falling back on something I know I enjoy

Anyways, that's the wrap-up! I'm super thankful to everyone who helped make this year a good one, and I'm tentatively optimistic about what 2023 will bring. Happy New Year's, everybody!

[sillyasiani]

9/17/2024

I'm back :) and its been a long time since I wrote in here. I guess you can tell what that means lol. Life has been good! I'm lying lol. Well I mean life is good but at the same time it has been hard. I am still with Cho and I feel like we will be together forever now. It seems to be heading towards that direction so only time can tell what Haens. I forgot the p button was not working so excuse if some words don't make sense. But why am I journaling if life has been "good"? well for one I am sad. I have been wanting to break down and cry the last few days. Is it because I will be mentrating? will I be ovulating soon? idk. But I just have been reevaluating and thinking. Cho has been off of work for the last 4 months. I am so glad to see him thriving. It brings me joy seeing him live his life. But It also got me so jealous. Because he has this thing that brings him so much joy and I don't have that. I have not been working out.. I have gained weight. Not far off my range. But basically been around 141-145. Idk why I haven't been able to lose the weight the entire summer. Maybe because I haven't been working out as much lol. And I have been getting high frequently. SO when I'm high I eat a lot. So I am trying to avoid it I guess. But anyways getting back to Cho and him being off... I love seeing him live his best life. But I am so envious that he has something that gives him purpose. idont have anything that makes me happy or gives me purpose. I love watching tv and eating and raving. Wow. lol. And thats why I sad because I have nothing that gives me purpose or joy. I am just living with those things. Things that are meaningless. I don't enjoy hiking as much as he does, I don't enjoy climbing as much as he does. Am I sad because ou hobbies aren't the same? if you asked me this a year ago I would probably say yes, not I don't really care. Well I lie, it does bother me that idont love it as much as him. It makes me think and question why he wants to be with me. Or It makes me scared that if I am not like him he willl realize this later on that we are not matched. But I have been trying to evaluate how I've been feeling and why I felt sad. Its weird because I felt so heavy. My heart and my chest felt so heavy. And I was just waiting for someone, anyone, to ask are you ok? for me to finally break down and cry. Because I really am not ok. I feel like I lost myself. I am not the same Ashley as jersey Ashley. I feel like people find me boring and uninteresting. I find everyone boring. No one interest me. And thet has been consistent for almost a year now.. And the fact that I have been consistently finding everyone and everything uninteresting makes me wonder if its the people or myself. It makes me think tahat Im the boring one. I don't even have activities that make me happy the way it does for cho. He keeps talking about feeling "alive". I don't feel like I'm living at all. And I want to find something that makes me happy. I hate being a nurse now. I don't have friends our here. I don't workout. And this is the complete opposite of what I was 2 years ago. I used to love my Job, I used to have so much friends. And now I hate my job and now I don't have any friends I care for. I don't have anything thing that brings me joy. I have no hobbies. What is my point off iving here on earth. I went to the gym and I wanted to sit in the middle of the yoga room and I was on the midst of breaking down and crying. I have been walking around with this heavy heart, even now. to be cont...

[dorefasolsido]

43. Omg it's been a while

10 HOW’S

How did you get one of your scars?

Two years ago I was rollerskating with my sister and a tiny rock got stuck in my wheels, so I basically flew forward and slid headfirst into some debris. Luckily, I have plenty of experience falling on rollerskates, so there was no significant damage, but my elbows were hella scraped. So I still have a scar on one of them.

How did you celebrate your last birthday?

I didn't do anything for my birthday, really. I wasn't feeling it anyway, and one friend was celebrating her move to Germany on that day with a picnic, so I just went to that instead. But I am planning to do something for this one! I haven't received any presents in two years lol

How are you feeling at this moment?

Pretty good right now! I finished all my work for this month, so I can take a bit of a break, and thank god for that.

How did your night go last night?

Well I was working my ass off until like 1:30 AM lol. It's not that I had to, but inspiration hit hard, and I couldn't let it go to waste.

How did you do in high school?

Pretty well in the academic sense, that was never too difficult for me. Very poorly in the social sense, though I did have some friends, only one of which I am still in touch with today.

How did you get the shirt you’re wearing?

I think my mum bought it for me ages ago, it's probably from my high school days.

How often do you see your best friend?

I saw her last in 2018 since we live in different countries, and lots of things came up in the meantime that prevented us from visiting each other. I want to do that soon, though.

How much money did you spend last month?

I feel like I was more thrifty in June? Aside from the Scandinavian trip I paid for, I think I tried to contain myself a bit.

How old do you want to be when you get married?

I don't want to get married.

How old will you be at your next birthday?

I'll be 29 very soon.

9 WHAT’S

What is the most important part of your life?

Hmm, my family and my writing. I do a lot of the latter, but mostly not for myself, which is something I want to change.

What did you do last weekend?

I was working throughout the weekend (the joy of end of the month deadlines), and aside from that, nothing special. For the past week I barely even left my house because I am on a socializing break, and it's been so wonderful.

What did you last cry over?

I don't really remember tbh. But I must have cried recently because June is somehow always such a bad month for me. So I was in a pretty gloomy mood before I went on my socializing break. But that has been really healing.

What are you worried about?

About the book translation deadline lol. I'm not even halfway through, and they already asked me when I am going to deliver it. At the same time, though, I can't force myself to work on it now.

What is your mother’s name?

I'm too paranoid to answer that.

What always makes you feel better when you’re upset?

Run BTS or any BTS content really, driving around aimlessly while blasting music, those awful sweaty dance cardio workouts. And like, renewing my hair colour.

What would you rather be doing?

Right now, nothing. I'm happy I finally got to do this, since I either wasn't in the mood or was too busy for months.

What’s the most important thing you look for in a significant other?

I guess what would be the most important is just understanding and respecting each other. Everything else can fall into place if those two things are there.

What did you have for breakfast?

Nothing.

EIGHT HAVE YOU’S

Have you ever done something outrageously dumb?

Oh for sure. Just recently I've texted someone I know I absolutely should have no contact with. But eh, so far so good.

Have you ever had sex on the beach?

Nope.

Have you ever been backstabbed by a friend?

I don't think I've ever been outright backstabbed, but I've had moments when I realized, yeah, this person is not my friend.

Have you ever been out of the country?

Yup.

Have you ever dated someone younger than you?

Nope.

Have you ever liked someone who already had somebody?

Well yeah, I sometimes get these platonic crushes on taken people lol. I would never do anything about it, and I genuinely think it happens because I know they are unavailable and therefore are "safe".

Have you ever been brokenhearted?

Sure have.

Have you ever read an entire book in one day?

Oh yeah, Stephen King's Carrie just last year. It's a short book and it hooked me right in, I spent the whole day in my room just reading.

SEVEN WHO’S:

Who is the last person you saw?

My sister.

Who is the last person that you texted?

My best friend.

Who called you last?

My dad, I think? But I missed the call, and he talked to my sister instead.

Who is the last person you hung out with?

Aside from my sister and grandma, no one in particular in almost two weeks. But I've had more than enough hanging out at the beginning of June.

Who did you hug last?

No idea, maybe my parents when I came home?

Who is the last person that texted you?

My best friend.

Who was the last person you said “I love you” to?

Oh I have no idea, I don't say that very often.

SIX WHERE’S:

Where does your best friend live?

In Lithuania.

Where is your favorite place to be?

Depends, but right now, I enjoy nothing more than being right here in my childhood home alone.

Where did you sleep last night?

My bed.

Where did you last hang out?

Two weeks ago I met two of my friends at one lake in Belgrade.

Where do/did you go to school?

Elementary and high school in my hometown, university in Belgrade.

Where did you last adventure to?

Well, I did quite a bit of mountain climbing at the beginning of June.

FIVE DO’S/DOES

Do you ever wish you were someone else?

Yup, quite often. Not because I hate my life or anything (well, most of the time lol), but because I would like to experience how it is to be, I don't know, a famous singer, or an astronaut, or an explorer, or all these other things. I can't do all that in this one life, I've chosen my path and I don't regret it, but still, it would be cool to have all these other experiences.

Do you think anyone despises you?

I'm not really sure. I don't think anyone full-on despises me, but I can think of at least one person who might dislike me. Yet, at the same time, she does like texting once in a while.

Do you like someone right now?

Nope.

Does the future scare you?

Eh, sometimes. It depends, sometimes I feel like I can take on anything, and sometimes I have no idea how I'll make it past 30.

Do you have any secret powers?

Not that I am aware of.

FOUR WHY’S:

Why are you best friends with your best friend(s)?

We've been there for each other through good and bad, it's easy to talk to her about anything, and we are both very different but also match really well.

Why did your parents give you the name you have?

I have no idea lol. I think my dad wanted to name me after my grandpa if I was a boy, my mum was against it, but it didn't matter anyway, because I turned out to be a girl. I mean, Mila can be seen as a shorter version of my grandpa's name, soooo, maybe that's why?

Why did you get a myspace?

I actually never had it lol.

Why are you doing this survey?

This looked fun! I like surveys that have some kind of a theme or a special style or something like that.

THREE IF’S:

If you could have one super power what would it be?

Teleportation because ho boy, I could spend a 15-minute break literally anywhere in the world.

If you could go back in time and change one thing, would you?

I wouldn't after all.

If you could live anywhere, where would it be?

Germany (probably Berlin) or maybe Lisbon. Japan is high up on my list of countries I want to visit, but since I haven't gone there yet, I can't say if I'd like to live there.

TWO WOULD-YOU-EVER’S:

Would you ever shave your head to save someone you love?

Yeah, why not. I mean, hair seems like a small price to pay for someone's life.

Would you ever get back together with any of your exes if they asked you?

Hopefully not.

LAST ONE:

Are you happy with how your life has turned out?

I'm okay with it

[leaflovescloud]

Hello, April.

I can't believe that we are entering Q2 already. Time indeed flies.

I'm currently in BB, KD. It's a Sunday and yeah of course I'm working. But it's been a really chill week for Eid. And I managed to workout almost like everyday.

It feels weird that my life is not so occupied with work anymore. Instead, I have much more free time to do things that I like, or even spending time with my friends. I'm indeed grateful for that.

But at the same time, I'm also feeling anxious and lost as to my career progression. So my G11 is not progressing at all and that really worries me.

Clearly, I need to do something.

Is it true that I can't have everything at once? Hmm.

Anyway, other than career progression, I don't have anything to complain about. I mean, I'm truthfully happy, I guess. At least, I feel more attune to my inner self now.

Speaking of that, I've been acting very impulsively, doing things that I'd normally overthink a lot - piercing(s) [emphasis added].

So, in the span of 2 weeks, not only I got a piercing, but I got 4 piercings LOL. Tel me that's not impulsive.

So I got double helix, one ear lobe piercing and also a nostril piercing. That's actually very insane to me. But I'm just feeling empowered at this point as in I don't want to run away from my fear anymore. Instead, I want to honour what I truly want to do and really just do it and trust the moment.

And the fact is that I really do feel good about it. And I'm glad that I managed to empower people around me to do the same too. I hope empower is the right word, or rather, may be enabling them to do it, haha.

Speaking of that, i just want to highlight something. I think back then, I spent too much time overthinking and just worrying about things, that haven't even happened, and gradually I got consumed by the ideas and the fear that I created for myself, and that's what stopping me to achieve things.

I realized this traits about me because of K, of course. I mean, in life, I still need to be careful, be thoughtful, be thorough and logical. But sometimes, there are certain things that I can truly just listen to my heart and just do it. And I like that about myself.

Because of that, I feel powerful and I feel I'm ready to execute challenges.

Learning how to detach from the expectations is also very important. Often times, I find myself being upset when things are not going my way. For instance, I think I may be a bit affected or resentful when K didn't really "deliver" what he said he would, for instance, promise ring and bracelet. Or at least, I feel like he represented that he would get those for me?

And what I would do last time is probably keep on prompting him, and i think eventually he will buy it. But right now, I'm actually nonchalant about it, just because, I don't know, considering the circumstances, honestly I don't know I'm asking for gifts in what capacity. I'm not so sure about the role that I'm playing - Is it just someone that he is seeing right now and that's it?

And truthfully, I think the gifts will be more meaningful if it's comes from him without me prompting him. I would definitely appreciate that more. But aha, I don't think he is romantic kinda guy, in fact, I think he is quite practical.

And once again, I ask myself this - At this age and stage, I think I'm quite enlightened in terms of life lessons, and I think I like this version of myself, mature though still playful. And I feel like I'm ready to love and be a good partner. But I'm also kinda scared that I'm compromising my own needs and standards at the same time.

I think I'm just gonna give us a bit more time probably until June. I do hope that we can build a future together and support each other. But I really don't know if he is the right guy.

There are just a few things that are quite alarming and I really don't want to down play the significance of it - (i) 15 years older (ii) divorced (iii) with kid. This is something that I have never encountered before. I don't exactly think it came as a shock for me - because truly after all these things, what else could shock me?

And I appreciate the qualities in him, and how he is aspired to be a good father too. And I have no issue with that.

It's just we won't be like the couple going through the conventional path - For eg, being alone in the weekends....

I don't know if I should be involved in a relationship that has so many uncertainties.

I want a partner that I can grow together, and do things together.

Hmm.

[323398149]

Hey besties. Another happy vibes post I guess. More like major life moment has been going on slash being prepped for and I haven't been able to process it properly and then I realized yknow what I gotta just journal it out bro that's the only way anything ever comes together for me.

So

Hello future old amms.

Three weeks ago your healthy parents booked an umrah trip for you and your sister. And you guys didn't even have passports yet so that was step one. And you went and got your photos. Oh wait gotta add detail you were at the gym about to do a madfit app upper body workout when ur mom called to congratulate you and then I was like uh can I get my pictures today and go tmr? And she was like sure anyways you went to the office near the peo office gah and yeah went to pick them up in the subway a week later. And yeah then you read an umrah prep book and made notes and then you've been shopping for necessities and coaching Fatima zohra twice a week. So that's pretty much been ur life. Also you went to your first Patel cousins potlock dinner and humairaa took you guys out for dinner last weekend. So that's pretty much been what's up.

So what that means is you stopped applying to jobs, you stopped going to the gym, and you honestly haven't got as far as you'd like to have with your knowledge prep. You've been listening to an audio discussion of sealed nectar tho so that feels good oh and you purchased your first ever own Quran!

Anyways you've also reflected a lot a lot on the past year and how much you've changed since 22. Your physical appearance has changed a LOT! lol you're way stronger looooool like not to say you're strong but just strongER than you were before which was random pains. OH SIDE NOTE you also cleaned the basement donation pile. And your hair is way shorter, you eat proper meals and you're less tired cause you get to sleep in all the time. You smile and laugh and are a person with a personality who reads books and makes jokes. You're alive. And you're so grown up lol.

Your friends tell you you're more calm. Oh I ALSO spent one day with zaibaa at her classes for her big kid engineering school and that was so dope and inspiring. Gaaah that's a whole other excitement to talk about. So yeah it's been an eventful start to the year.

Anyways back to the topic. A year ago you got sick and in the moment before you passed out you called out to your mom to alert her that something was wrong and as you were dropping and everything felt far away, you thought "thank goodness I didn't do the haram thing that was dangling infront of me 2 months ago" lol and in the hours after I realized like shit, I'm so grateful that it was that thought instead of one of fear of death and regret. Like yes obvs those were still there but there was a relief. And honestly that wasnt me, that was allah that stopped me and protected me from myself and from jahanam yknow? Anyways which started you on a slow crawl journey back to your faith, a reversal of like 3 years of pulling away. Idk maybe the journey has already started and halted before that but yeah. It's been such a slow crawl which means I still feel so behind where I'd like to be but I still love being able to look back and see that there HAS been progress.

So yeah a year ago I had told me classmate that my parents wanted us to go to umrah in may after exams but no way I wasnt ready or mature enough or at that place in life and I was gonna tell them that I didnt want to go. And here I am, terrified and not at all feeling ready yet still excited kinda. So that's the thing and what I want to say. Like I haven't really let myself get excited because idk I lowkey feel so undeserving loool. But yeah I guess now I need to put myself into that excitement because I need to prepare my soul for this big life moment that's happening and now it's really here and it's happening loooooool if that makes sense idk.

The main thing for me is working on forgiveness and like letting go of grudges and hard feelings. I lowkey dont even know how to gah but imma google it and figure it out tmr morning and then just work my way through everyone I know and like let shit go in my heart.

Honestly even a few weeks ago I couldn't imagine myself even WANTING to do that looool rip but anyways now thinking about it I'm like damn that acc sound kinda nice and like I'll be lighter. I'm looking forward to letting go now which idk if you know me loool idk that hasnt been my vibe in the past. So yeah I'm excited. I hope it all works out. By it all I mean everything. This trip, getting a job, starting a life, dying, the afterlife loooool I hope it all works out haha

[seishirology]

BAROU SHOEI + BOYFRIEND HEADCANONS

request : hii, I love your headcanons and you make them fit the character so well!! So I was wondering if I could request some Baro boyfriend hcs?? Thank you <3 includes : barou A/N ; my opinions only!! sorry it took so long I'm having problems with my posts. atm masterlist

SHOEI BAROU

big sigh. I'm honestly not going to lie his whole personality was so much more different from what I had originally thought at first. he's a lot like dot/daht(?) from mashle: muscles and magic and it's really funny how they grow as characters.

anyways we all know that he's a perfectionist, and he likes to have everything planned down to the littlest detail, so I think that if you're going to date him you're going to have to be willing to be flexible. depending on how long your relationship has been going on he's less likely to build his schedule around you if you haven't been together for too long. however if you've been together for a strong year at the very least he'll occasionally make sure to make time in his day for the both of you.

I think he'll treat you like every other person, but the thing is he cares about you so it isn't like him being domineering because he wants to control every aspect of your life. He'll plan out what you should eat, maybe he'll even cook for you and say that he just happened to think of you and it wasn't like he was trying to go out of his way to make you happy.

He doesn't seem to be a big fan of pda or physical affection in general, he prefers to simply spend time with you. but he does like to hold you while you're sleeping or while he tells you about his day or vice versa. He likes to watch you sleep, but not in a creepy way. It's more like he likes to simply enjoy the fact that you trust him enough to be this vulnerable with him. not just that but ur a cutie yk

one of the ways he shows his adoration or love for you is by working out with you, or simply doing stuff with you that he would usually do alone. he likes having you by his side, and that's why he's such a sucker for couple activities. it's because you're just so important to him that any time he can he will spend that time with you.

if he ever meets your parents you're honestly not even going to have to explain much. because as unruly as he may be personality-wise, barou isn't a monster. he shows up to your parent's house with housewarming gifts. he flatters your mother and impresses your father with his muscles lol.

hates children. claims that he will punt the next kid who breathes his way, but whenever you see him with a child he's treating them like they're his own. he comforts them awkwardly when they're crying, patting their back while mumbling words of affirmation and promises to find their parents. if you have little siblings, he's gonna pretend not to like them but he's going to let them ride on his shoulders, he'll play ball with them, and might even give them a taste of his workout routine.

listens to all of the playlists that you make for him if you do. he'll heart it, and listen to it with whatever activity you've made it for. if you made it for his workout routine, he'll listen to it then. when he's practicing, cooking, cleaning, anything simply because it reminds him of you. he might even make one for you if you beg for it.

He likes to clean, a lot, so he has mixed feelings on your room if it's clean. on one hand he wants to make your room tidy, it's one of his ways of showing that he loves you. however if it's messy he'll scold you while he fold your shirts and makes you put them away. either way please leave him some clothes to fold so that he can show his appreciation for u.

when you guys go shopping together he stays in the soap area, where the detergent, sponges, swishers, where those appliances are. which means you have to do the real shopping of looking around and buying food not just cleaning supplies. in these instances his face looks the same as usual except his eyes are shiny with excitement.

actually doesn't cry when watching disney movies, he has watery eyes but never lets the tears fall. it's not toxic masculinity but rather he doesn't want to seem like a liar because he said he's never cried except for when he was born.

doesn't use petnames but if you want him to use them the best he comes up with is sponge. he calls you the name of his favourite sponge brands or simply just sponge as it is. literally before he left he called you and his last words were, "bye scrub daddy." and then hung up on you before you could say anything. actually hates being called stuff like honey or baby because he claims that he's "not a baby nor a jar of honey".

when you say something weird he side-eyes you the way dogs do. he just stares at you in disappointment when you say the dumbest shit. will not join you, because that is not main character energy. I feel like even though he may hold the most braincells with you he loses them twice as fast as he would with the blue lock boys.

does not take you out on dates. at least not anymore, because before he would take you out once every two weeks because he planned them out very specifically. but then one time you guys bumped into nagi and the gang, and he had to pay for them as well as you. so now you guys just watch movies at home with homemade popcorn.

if you want him to help you with your homework i think he's the only one who will be of help. passes every final he's taken with flying colours but doesn't rub it in your face. he just brings it up every once in a while when you complain about your homework so you'll ask him because he doesn't want to be the one to initiate it. he's shy you guys.

if you ever make pudding for him, he will appreciate it forever and anything he does will never be on the same level as that. especially when he's sick it reminds him of the good memories he had when his mom made it for him when he was young.

doesn't let you touch the 'x' on the side of his head after that one time you said you would cut the 'x' for him at home. he's never let you near his hair with a pair of scissors after that. however he lets you braid his hair though, he likes the feeling of you hands in his hair.

doesn't kiss you. doesn't hold your hand. and doesn't call you anything other than your name or sponge(and brands). he seems like a traditional man to me, and premaritally hand holding is a big no-no for him. although it is just a joke.

loves his mother to pieces. so if you don't treat his mother well he's gonna dump you. furthermore if you treat your parents poorly he's not gonna give you a second look. Although his standards are impossible to fulfill he doesn't care about the other stuff if you treat his mother well. he's hearing wedding bells the moment he sees you treating your parents well.

loves you a lot, but is kind of like a second mother. he's very quiet, and might be domineering but that's just bc he's the real main character not isagi. 8/10 experience tbh, but the side eye he gives is something that would haunt me forever tbh.

[thebangtancloud]

I'm really afraid...

dearest readers, it's been the longest period of time I've been away from Tumblr - a place that really had become a stress buster for me for the past whole year. Needless to say, I'm more stressed than I've ever been.

Tomorrow by this, I'd probably be sleeping for 16 hours straight after finishing my exam. I really needed to come here and just let out a few of my frustrations before I can write my exam tomorrow. I'm really struggling with a shit ton of things rn, and it's really come to the stage where I've saturated my brain to the point where I go blank minutes into opening my book. Maybe I just need to talk about it.

Thankfully I'm not as anxious as I thought I would be. A few months ago - when my anxiety was getting out of my hand - there would be instances I'd simply pass out due to my stress, which I feared would happen during my exam or even before it. I made it a point to eat healthy food regularly to give my body the nutrition that it needs, but somewhere down the line, I haven't been taking good care of myself.

I've stopped working out like I used to, I don't run anymore and neither am I able to sit through long workouts because I'm exhausted from sitting at my desk all day. A few weeks ago I went through a really dark phase, to the point where I wasted a good week doing absolutely nothing but lying down in the darkness and thinking about all the things that could go wrong with my life. During that time, I excessively slept for almost 12 hours each day, went to cook some food or do some work and lie back down for another nap. That really terrified me, because one day I found myself taking the lift to the last floor of my building and simply standing by an open window - emotionless. That really... idk. That scared me. It planted a thought in my head that should never germinate, never even be there for that matter. I told my mum that night and needless to say, she was really shaken. She clearly told me the next day when she left for work, "Just take it easy. And don't go to the 18th floor. Just don't."

Of course, I haven't gone there ever since. Maybe it was me crying out to God every night - but I came out of that phase just as quickly as I slipped into it. I don't even want to mention this, but it's been playing on my mind for a while so why not. There was this big thing in my country regarding the postponement of the entrance exam. Apparently, the dates were clashing with a bunch of different exams and giving the students a lot of stress. A case was filed which was taken to the High Court because apparently there were 16 reported suicides due to the pressure on the students. The case - of course - was dismissed with the exam scheduled to take place as planned. That just really disturbed me.

I'm much more active now, just not like I want to be. I want to go for a run. I want to work out till my lungs burns. I want to go cycling in the rain. And I will after I'm done with this exam.

I know you're probably thinking of telling me to take it easy, but since I've given this exam last year and couldn't clear it, I know the stress and the disappointment that follows. I don't want to be in that same place again.

Thankfully, I feel healthy, unlike a few months ago when I'd feel lightheaded not even an hour after eating something (which was all due to my anxiety lol). I'm much more confident about my paper - the only fear now being blanking out in the middle of the exam.

*sigh*

I feel good to write this. I feel good to be back on Tumblr. The comments and messages people have left really warm my heart and make me feel so loved. Thank you so much for that. I love you all.

It's only me predicting the hibernation that I'll slip into after my exam, but my mum insists that I'll be too excited to even think of sleeping lol. If I do not end up sleeping for days on end, I'll soon be here to chat with you all!!

~Ray🌦

[kochlandhomestead]

10/01/22

Wow did September really just fly by like that? Feels like just 2 weeks ago I was doing this for August but heres my self accountability post for the end of the 9th month of 2022

Lets start with the ol resale business. Historical Days was a big success. I got rid of a lot of my old stock from the shed and made a nice profit on the weekend. Really wish I could get to more festivals and markets. That was a goal for this year that I am failing at. eBay had gone cold since the first week of September but I had 3 sales this week. With 4th quarter starting now hopefully it will be getting even better. I learned a lot last week at eBay open, lets see if I can transform that into sales. I also am looking into a booth at a local flea market that is open on Fridays. Possibly going to open there in November. Its a risk and a big step but it just may be time.

Classes started Monday in my Ag science and organic growing classes. Its been a challenge this week but I feel im back in the flow. I even got my first week assignment done early, y'all know thats a big one for me.

Things around the Homestead are winding down into what I refer to as hibernation time. The garden is ready to be put to bed, hopefully I get to that nexg week. Pears and apples need picked. Gotta dig potatoes yet and see how that harvest is. Lots of little things but its about over.

I didn't have a single Wrestling show this month. We did do our company picnic last Saturday but besides that nothing. The quiet is killing me. October has a couple but November is really bare. Gotta do something about this.

My TV back log has gotten worse. Im weeks behind on Wrestling. Its really ridiculous lol. I haven't watched any of She-Hulk or House Of Dragons. Seems everyday I add on another episode or 5 of the network shows that I try to catch as much of as possible like FBI or Law & Order. I haven't even seen the new Thor yet. I am caught up on Andor of course and am still working through my rewatch of Fear the walking dead. For someone that completely cut the cord this list is nuts!

Speaking of cutting the cord lets discuss my "off grid" life as it is. So many projects and ideas I had for the summer went unstarted. I really had hoped to have a little wood stove set up but not even close. I did get a bucket washing machine built for hand washing and of course my water collection system grew nicely. But still im way behind even though im far better than I was last year at this time.

My health has been good and ive really been doing well at eating. Im near my calorie goal almost everyday. Cooler weather really helps as does less time spent working outside. Now to finally start regular workouts again.

With just a month to go its time to start really planning and working on the upcoming holiday season here and at the Santa House. All while trying to enjoy spooky season too. Its a juggling act sometimes.

The personal life thing is pretty much as wacky as always. Mom and Dad have both been doing good. Dad has a bum shoulder but he says it is feeling a little better. Tyler has been coming around a little bit more now that he has Whiskey to take out. She sure is a cutie and becoming a good pal of mine. I been thinking again about a new cat or dog. Maybe near Christmas? My special person and myself have had a difficult time of getting together. Always seems to be something come up. Its hard with busy lives and a bit of a distance between us. We have plans for next Saturday so hopefully.... It was great to hang out with the Wrestling family last week, tomorrow I get more of that plus the Town Meeting crew. Having a small social life is sad at times but it makes me enjoy it more when it happens. A goal for 2023 is more interaction with friends and family and less alone time!

I think thats enough for tonights book. If you made it through thanks for reading. These things are always kinda hard for me to do but I really feel that they along with you who do read help me keep myself in check.

[iwoulddiefortyblackthorn]

I'm gonna vent so you should keep scrolling!!

okay so I'm using tumblr as twitter(i guess?? idk how ur suposed to use tumblr)bc most of my friends follow me on twitter and I don't really want to talk to them rn, or to my parents and my next therapy session is week away so I'll either write it down here or scream(then I'd have to talk to my family), and here we are lol. I've been feeling like shit lately, like, not in the previous weeks but since the year started. I've had some happy moments, sure, but I end up back to the bottom. It's not depression or anything I just feel... tired and lazy?? I used to study a lot and by that I mean A LOT like, 7 hour a day last december but this year I increasingly got worse. It's my last year of high school rn, aka the hardest one, and I can't manage to do the bare minimum. My main theorie of what changed is that I didn't enjoy my summer break bc I there was this really important exam in february that I was studying to(summer breaks in brazil are in december-januray btw) and after I'd done it I couldn't rest properly because of school and stuff. I've been thinking that I'd get that productivity back tomorrow or next week or next month BUT I DON'T!! time passes and I keep being a lazy bitch who can't study properly if my life depended on it. And I'm fucking tired of being tired because I haven't reaaly done anything to be tired for god's sake!! I can't just take a fucking break rn and try to get back later bc I'd just end up worse. I used to be sad about it but now I've got this test on monday about ELEVEN FUCKING SUBJECTS and I can't study properly, and don't even get me started on the other 5 subjects I have to learn until wednesday. I got sick last week btw, forced rest isn't really resting and I now I feel even worse bc I lost all my workout pace and aaaaaaaaaaa. I don't want to bother my frienda with my feelings anymore bc I don't feel confortamble aaaand I know they're stupid but damn this isn't sadness, it's fucking anger!! I'm angry at myself, my school, my family and my fucking classmates who refuse to shut up for more than 5 seconds. Everyone seems to think I'm this perfect little nerd who does all her schoolwork and study for hours on end but that's far from the truth now lmao. Oh and there's the fact that I suck at everything I do besides school(and I just don't suck at this too bc my hs is a mediocre one) and I'm ugly and fat so if I can't study what am I?? And don't evem get me started on how I've been trying to fix my relationship with food while all this is happening and oh my fucking god I wish I could dive into fantasy books and day in order to predent I don't fucking exist and neither does any of this shit. Even my little moments of happiness turn into bad feelings. Watching heartstopper?? I'm gonna die alone. Playing videogames?? I wish I was as jacked as this viking. Reading the high fantasy bs that I love?? People are smart and strong and beautiful but I'm everything but that.

I'm just so fucking tired

[lavienjin]

ayyooooooooooooooo~ I am your old anon but DAMN I forgot my emoji heheheheh so I will change my anon-icon (anon-emoticon hehehehehehe I am so smart ) anywayz my uni I gonna start soon and damn life suddenly changed gears an di have to move away from my childhood friends like ffs 13 years with the same bunch of idiots......I miss them already and I already gave them 5 years Worth of meme worthy content by crying at the get together...(I loooook ugly af when I cry yuckkkk) my uni people(?) made groups to chat to each other...I have been silently observing and judging them ..... the report is BLEP I think I might be offending alot of them lol.....my sense of humour is ✨e l i t e✨ also I have suddenly become very.........idk......I dont feel confident about my body.....like if I go out I am like why are they looking...oh god this was a mistake.....MOM !!!! HWERE ARE THE CLOTHES WHICH ARE 5 sizes bigger than my original size.....I feel home in those clothes......but now that everything I changing I need to change my living style too....I did try it but fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkk IT IS NOT easy...like easier said than done..........I do workouts and I only see results on my face....like my face has reduced so freaking much but my fried chicken legs remain the same !!!! WHAT KIND OF FUCKERY IS this????????? here I am shaking like a........what........massage chair while doing those planks and bicycle crunches and lunges and reverse lunges so that I reduce my tum-tum and thigh-thigh and I GET A FACE WHICH LOOKS LIKE ITS SOUL HAS BEEN SUCKED AWAY !!!! NO FAIR !!!!

ugh.....I am gonna keep trying maybe include dancing since I really enjoy doing that....and maybe......be a little more happy with myself since.......I know I haven't been the happiest ......I am known to bring positivity in any kind of situation but in the past few months.....I.....I feel lost ... and I feel like there is this void which I waiting to be filled....and I feel empty ..... NOT DEPRESSED....already talked to my counsellor about depression...so thats ruled out hehee........but ya.....I always feel like the decision I am making is wrong ....,or there is some kind of decision which I have already made and that will be the biggest mistake of my life....and this emptiness and silence is the silence before a big storm ....ahhhhh!!!!!!!!!!! THIS .... THIS IS THE REASON WHY I BURST INTO RANDOM FITS OF TEARS lol....... eishhhhhh........I guess "fake it till you make it " !!!!! STAY SAFE STAY HAPPY STAY ....... STAY !!! <3

~I need to choose an emoticon wait

🌬🌸 I think I would like to be this anon.....or maybe just the air blowing one.....you tell !!! night night

hi anon!!! is this french fry anon by the by? first of all, welcome back!!! it seems like there's been a LOT of developments from you, my sweet... and it sounds like it's a lot. i hope you're also staying healthy T_T

uni sounds interesting!!! i moved to america for uni and stayed there for 6 years, so i totally understand the fear!! but i promise you'll do great because it'll be a good chance to build new relationships and hopefully find yourself in the process!

AND OH... i feel you there on the body stuff. i've been having intense body dysphoria lately (#TransProbs), but remember that you're wonderful no matter what your brain says. sometimes, we just need to bonk our brains to feel better and if it means wearing shirts 5x larger than you to feel comfy, that's TOTALLY okay and very valid!!!! and exercise takes time!!!! honestly, as long as you feel healthy, that's all that matters.

finally, i totally feel you in the whole realm of feeling depressed. lockdown started again in my country and it's been TOUGH dealing with everything here! but know you're not alone and it's absolutely okay to be sad!! there are days when all i want to do is to lie in my bed like a burrito. so i do that! give yourself the same amount of grace as you do others 🌷

thank you oh so much for coming back! i hope you're staying safe. thank you for thinking of me ♥

[twoprettyboys]

life update~

first of all: i've been seeing people in roller skates on my tiktok for you page for months now, and i've been wanting to start doing that too for a while. i wanna lose weight (not that i need to, i just desperately wanna fit into my favorite pants again lol) and that's a form of working out, so i figured it could be fun. and when i told my mum she said i could use her roller skates (bc they're my size) - but when i went to get them, i couldn't find them. what i DID find, however, were my old inline skates. so i just went inline skating instead. for the first time in YEARS - and it's great!! i really forgot how much i loved it. also my skates are about 11 years old.. i was honestly surprised they still fit! i was also surprised that i don't need to use kneepads, considering the last time i did this was about 3 or 4 years ago... anyway. i'm planning to do this at least once every week now - let's see how it works out for me! (ps - look at how cute these skates are!!)

second: this kind of still has to do with the losing weight thing - today i downloaded this app that's basically an otome game but to gain points (with which you can unlock the next episode) you have to do exercises like sit-ups or squats. there are anime guys telling you what to do and motivating you (kei's a bit... rude about it tho). i just did about 50 sit-ups and... i'm already EXHAUSTED lol. haven't done any workout since i graduated from school last summer.. whoops. so yeah, i hope this app actually makes me want to workout. kei's the guy in this picture, btw.

and lastly, i have a fan in my room now! which is really good, since my room gets super hot during the day in summer - to the point that i sometimes can't sleep in it anymore. i used to just sleep in my sister's room when that happened, but i don't wanna bother her anymore. but with the new fan that won't be a problem anymore~ might even give the little guy a name soon, because i love him a lot already. (no picture of the fan bc i feel like 2 pictures are almost too much already..)