#there has to be like.... at least 35 in this little bin alone | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

popculturebuffet · 4 years

Text

Ducktales: Jaw$! or How Lena Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Webby (Lena Retrospective Commissioned by WeirdKev27)

Trigger Warning: Part of this review contains discussions of abuse which can’t be avoided but I still want to be senstive to my audience and any trauma they’ve gone through. Welcome back weblena world to Shadow Into Light: My Lena Sabrewing Retrospective. And Jaw$ is here, long live Jaw$. Tiffany was a shark who bites the law she was in an episode i’m reviewing called Jaw$.

And it’s the money shark before the storm as next month i’ll be going from two Ducktales reviews a week with the Lena retrospective and the last few episodes.. to three, as i’ll ALSO be covering the Della arc from season 1 in the build up to shadow war. And if your wondering if I expertly planned this to coincide with the finale, to the point the shadow war review and those leading up to it will be on the same week as the finale.... nope. I just got REALLLLY lucky as I already had all of that planned out, and the schedule for the new episodes happened to synch up perfectly, ending just in time for me to revisit the series start and having Magica’s big in person appearance reviewed a week after we get her backstory in Life and Crimes. Though I am VERY happy it worked out this way as I get to properly celebrate the series end with more ducks than ever, and get to cover the pilot the same month as the finale, all things i’d of loved to do anyway and probably would’ve rejiggered my schedule to do. Point is lot of Ducktales content coming for this blog if you like that so stay tuned, but for now join me won’t you under the cut as we dive into a money bin of gay ducks, shadowy machinations, and Bad PR.

We open as Lena and Donald awkwardly sit on the couch, waiting for Scrooge and the Kids to get home. Understandably it’s just.. dead silence.Given their a cynical teenager secretly working for and forced to obey a horrifying shadow monster and a 35 year old man who dosen’t like living in this house due to painful memories of his presumed dead sister.. and painful memories of pain in general, you have a huge awkward bowl of chips and “I really don’t want to be here right now”.

Our heroes return though, and Louie tries to take some of their haul for himself but Scrooge stops that “It goes in the bin not to next of kin. “... Man in a Hurry if you would please.

Thank you. Man in a Hurry everybody. He has to go now, he’s in a hurry.

As you can probably guess I do not like this, as it reminds me WAY too much of Scrooge’s worst “quirk” in the comics: how he’d barely pay his nephews, who are often hard up for cash mind you and one of whom is supporting three children ALONE, take them around the world and reap all the benefit for their hard work. It’s not like he did nothing, he did, but it’s way to exploitive for my tastes and can often sink a story if taken too far. It’s not AS bad... but they all went on the mission they all deserve at least something. I DO get keeping the rarest and most dangerous stuff for himself, as he is bankrolling things and does have two bins and a massive garage to safetly store them. But this just comes off as douchey for this version, who while liable to make mistakes with them, is far more nurturing towards his boys and girls.

Thankfully this was course corrected next season. While Scrooge’s greed was properly restored.. this sort of treatment wasn’t. “Treasure of the Found Lamp” had him undergo character development and realize simply hoarding his treasures isn’t right or fair, and set up a musuem wing so both duckburg and his descendants can see them and get the stories behind them. And on not getting to take things clearly he’s eithe relaxed or stopped the policy as our heroes do have souveneers from time to time. Not a LOT mind, but little things like Dewey having a giant sword or Scrooge outright giving Louie one of his things show he did soften up. Though Della’s return and likely lack of tolerance for this stupid policy in the first place probably helped a lot, I also like to think he did change a bit and realize it was deeply unfair they didn’t get more than a few treasures of their own. So the writers did realize they kind of went overboard here. I suspect this was more to setup for the episode’s subplot and to make Scrooge’s karma at the end feel justified. Speaking of which we get the start of said Subplot as Beakley comes in with a money cart and the news the board called. Why they called his house instead of his phone I don’t know, some things slip through the cracks when you running both a billion dollar company an da trillion dollar fiendish organization for world larceny. I mean they clearly worked themselves so hard the other two apparently died between seasons. That or it was the diet of whiskey, orphan tears and grease in a wine glass both had. Bradford always told them it’d kill them though to his credit he only said I told you so twice at their funeral.

For once no their not mad Scrooge is spending all the money they use to buy fowl jetskis, but because the Company’s having a bit of a PR nightmare now that Scrooge is back in the adventuring game. And we cut to the beanstalk they just adventured on having tore up a good chunk of the town and destroyed large swaths of it just to sell the point this isn’t their normal old man yells at other old man for spending all me money schitck, but a serious problem. As such they’ve booked him an interview with Roxanne Fetherly to improve his image and the companies.

Scrooge scoffs at this, baffled why he has bad pr as his adventuring is GOOD for the city in the long run: He pays for any damages it causes, and likely at a cost no less which is a LOT coming from scrooge, and puts most of the money he makes on these adventures back into the city and his company, creating more jobs and better living conditions. He does get a wakeup call via truly hilarous gag as Launchpad pops his head up to say “Good news mr. mcdee, it missed the orphange!” before getting ready to chainsaw the stalk for him. He quickly realizes MAYBE he needs some PR and agress to the interview.

This whole subplot really plays into one of the series main themes, one Frank brought up a few months back: Risk vs Reward. Adventuring is entirely about this, that adventure is dangerous, can cost you a lot as we see with Della and the aftermath of her terrible decision making, and can hurt people.. but it can also help people, bring money to those who need it, free those who are being oppressed and open new worlds to everyone. This subplot distills it down great: Scrooge is right that his adventures do bring in money, and as seen with the first episode brought in clean water and power with no drawbacks and only asked to be paid for it, which is fair given he still has to run machines and likely help relocate any workers whose jobs are now redundant to other parts of the company and retrain them. But it costs people their homes and jobs, not forever but still as long as it takes to construct, tears up roads and puts people in danger. It’s plots like this that make Bradford the perfect final boss for the series: He’s someone who blinds himself to the reward of all this and only sees the risk, and raises valid points even if he himself is deeply wrong. He’s right Scrooge causes a lot of danger and threat to the world.. but wrong in that he dosen’t see it’s all worth it for the good of everyone.

But enough about future story arcs let’s get back to this one, as Webby excitedly greets Lena and hugs her, realizes she’s not hugging her back then gives her another squeeze anyway after claming to hate hugs when just a LOOK at Webby would tell you that’s false. The two are having a sleepover, Webby’s first ever.. and given Lena’s essentially an Emo Hobo and the closest thing she has to home is that starlight ancient amptheater that’s never properly explained. Seriously ancient ruins near Duckburg dosen’t suprise me, but at least tell me what they are and why Magica chose them. And why Louie hasn’t tried to sell tickets to Dewey boxing a gorilla in them. Or probably a possum I mean their on a budget and gorillas snap necks, but still i’d pay to see that as would we all.

Point is it’s their first sleepover and naturally Webby’s first bit of smalltalk.. is how tucking in can be used for interogation techniques. I’d be more suprised if earlier this season it hadn’t already been shown Beakly regularly enrolls her daughter in the no murder, unless you really want to, hunger games every year. The fact Webby hasn’t become the bat is only because she hasn’t found a costume that’s the right combintion of pinks and purples to instill pantswetting terror yet. That shit takes time.

Lena goes to the bathroom.. to talk to Magica who we properly get to meet. She did speak last time, but this ep is the one that properly establishes her personality for the reboot: she has clever plans, tons of power, if sealed currently, and is a genuine threat.. but she’s also a bit of a ham, in love with the old ultra violence and really short sighted in her plans, something we got hints of last time as her best solution to the Beakly Problem was to just leave her to die and hope scrooge and webby, two people who love solving mysteries and unlocking puzzles, don’t investigate the horrifying death, accident or not, of their only friend and grandmother, and that neither, especially the 12 year old spiraling with grief, would suspect a former spy died. Thoguh in fairness on the spy thing it’s plausable Magica didn’t know that, but still it’s a bad plan. Magica has good ideas but is just so obessed with the brute force way of doing things she forgets the subtle approach works better.. and so far it has well for Lena. Problem is it’s VERY clear by this point that Lena likes Webby, maybe not romantic styles JUST YET but it’s getting there. Webby on the otherhand has been in love with Lena from the freaking concept art which showed her blushing around her.. and that was in her 87 design.. which they thankfully changed. It’s not terrible but it just dosen’t fit well with this universe. Point is Lena is catching feelings and Magica realizes this and tries to gaslight her telling her she’d never acccept the truth abotu her and so on. As we all know and as we’ll see that’s bullshit but it’s an effective manipulation. We also find out Magica’s plan: she had Lena sneak a jewel into the treasure going into the bin, and it’s going to turn into a monster that will seek out the Number One Dime for them. She also vaugely hints that there’s something Lena needs from Magica.

Once Lena returns, and Webby let’s her rabbit know the interogation isn’t over, she gives her possible future girlfirend a gift: friendship bracelets! They both put them on and it’s really fucking cute.. and will be both a tangible symbol of hteir friendship and a plot point several times, something I honestly hadn’t thoguht about till now. Lena, put off by the gesture not because she dosen’t aprpciate it because of the crushing guilt of lying to the one person who cares about her under the insucrtions of a sociopath, goes to Webby’s big old corkboard which is always fun to look at.. especially since it’s clearly the ONLY glimpse at Hortense we’re going to get all series.

We’re not getting Grandma Duck either. Though at least Frank actually regrets that one. But the important part is one of the posts mentoniing Scrooge hates magic, something Webby elaborates on: He hates spells, hexs curses and what not and feels them a shortcut. From the man who has a garage full of them.

I do kid as I did realize there’s a valid expliantion for this: Scrooge will use magical items, protection spells that sort of thing.. but he uses them like anything else as needed. He’s too pragmatic to not say, use the jewel of atlantis to give a city clean energy and water he can montizie, or the split sword against FOWL.. but more often than not he just dosen’t need them. He collects them because it’s fun, oftne profitable.. and their simply SAFER in his museum wing, garage and second bin will get to in two weeks. He’s seen time and time again how people misuse magic, forget it has a price, or just rely on it instead of actual skill. He’s also clearly been on the bad end of a LOT of evil sorcerers and soreceresses, especially magica. Magic isn’t inherently bad, which in itself is a BIG message of Lena’s arc, it’s just somethign that’s the OPPPSOITE OF everythign scrooge is: sacrifcing others for power, relying on something besides yourself, distance attacks versus up close and personal phsycial attacks.. it was never going to be for him and tons of bad experinces with it only cemented it. He’s just not so stubborn outside of the santa thing to avoid something if it’s going to net him a profit or come in a pinch.

So naturally Scrooge has banned any magic books from his house, as he has no use for spellcasting and any he’d need to keep for saftey or history’s sake are likely at the archives, but just as naturally, Webby smuggled one in and wants to try it with Lena ducking it and asking to play some games. I”m sure Huey has a few yugioh decks in his room go bug him. But before they can decide on one, the boys attack for a PILLOW FIGHT.... which is a sweet gesture and them just wanting to hang out, but ends with them all eating the ground and questioning why they thought attacking the duck equilvent of cassandra cain was a good idea. Louie decides to salvage it with a swim.. but since their pool has a boat in it he has a diffrent location in mind: the bin.

So while they head off to get head injuries, Beakly tries to prepare Scrooge as the Media are vultures and looking for the next scandal with public figures and it’s accurate. But given Scrooge’s natural mood is grumpus, this dosen’t go well at all and even a spray bottle dosen’t exactly help.. I mean it is the best method to deal with grumpy old men but it can only do so much.

At the bin we get a lovely bit as Dewey prepares to dive and his brothers treat it like an olympic one, with both doing commentary, Dewey’s apparently response to if he was worried about brain damage was Nerp, and we get the wonderous national anthem of dewdonia. Just nice as well as lovely to see the brothers just having a crack and enjoying each others company with their own weird injokes but without the injokes feeling as forced as they were in “Beagle Birthday Massacre”. Things take a turn though as we see just what magica created with the stone... a giant shark made of scrooges money who eats that fucker in a single bite.. in this case Dewey. Louie and Huey naturally run off panicked.

So while Huey and Louie gain another scarring memory to tell their therapist when their older, Scrooge begins his interview with Roxanne Fetherly who.. honestly just weirds me out. Not for any personality stuff but because she has green feathers. And it just.. really feels WEIRD. I mean green ducks are a thing in real life.. but it just looks off to have such a pastel color on a duck when the other colors are white or tones meant to invoke real world races, allowing ducks to be black, latino, asian and so on and so on coded. That’s fine and blends in fine.. but with that metaphor the green just really dosen’t fit well at all. It feels like an early decision they made, but decided not to retcon or go with for anyone else which makes it all the more weird. We’re 3 seasons in , almost at the end, and the only other green duck we’ve seen was like that because of magic and the offputting nature of it WORKS for magica. Here I just don’t get it and I never well. But naturally Roxanne starts in on invasive, gotcha questions with no real good answers or time to respond, so fox news level questions, and then asks what part of ireland he’s from.

Naturally that sets him off so while that rant goes on, literally next time we see him he’s still going on about it, we cut to the girls playing truth or dare.. and given Webby’s first question is about deepest darkest secrets the boys once again save her by running in... to report on the monster she created that just ate their brother. Lena brushes it off but does get them not to go to scrooge claming he’ll throw them to the shark himself. I mean he’s not comics scrooge so he probably woudln’t but their also two scared 11-12 year olds so it works well enough. They just need a way to go after the money shark. Enter launchapd who in the second best bit of the episode, says he sensed his best friend dewey was in danger. Beck’s delivery is what sells it.. and I’m not going to question it. He’s somehow alive despite presumibly living off a diet of spaghett-o’s, barely avoiding a car accident on his best days, and as we’ll find out later believing children in costumes are monsters he summoned when he was 8. The fact he suddenly has spider sense specifically related to people he cares about is honestly less of a surprise than the fact he’s not in heaven crashing God’s Speedboat into God’s Golden Castle with God’s Golden Lion riding shotgun.

So they do the natural thing and.. steal Donald’s houseboat while he sleeps. He has no more involvement in this episode other than noticing it’s back and not in great condition at the end. I bring this up because this is one of Donalds ONLY apperances this season, and it’s part of the larger more irritating problem that he’s hardly ever used.. despite promoting him as a major part of the series.

I will talk about this more during the Della arc as i’ts more relevant there, but needless to say it bothers me a lot and not knowing how to ballance it’s massive main cast was a constant struggle for the series even up to the final episodes going on right now.

So our heroes head out on the bin late at night, where could the Jaw$ be she’s nowhere in sight. So they decide to use other treasure as a lure they either fished out of a bin or out of scrooge’s bathwater. How bathing in coins gets him clean I don’t know and frankly I dont’ think we want the answers to that and the idea of scrooge fully naked is so horrifying I forgot what I was talking about.

Ah yes our heroes are playing bait the money monster and find out it’s a shark, and Lena.. is not okay with that and goes to talk to Magica inside the boat. Magica tells us she has a name, Tiffany. Awww what a lovely name for a money shark. I would of gone with Rags to Bitches, but I may have brain damage. Lena understandabily does not like the idea of getting eaten by a shark, asked to be informed and while Magica is mad at her for going after the thing, Lena reasonably points out that it was this or Scrooge got involved. Up top Huey tries catching it with a bit of treasure on a rope.. after not shutting up about shark facts because “Facts comfort me when i’m nervous!” Precious angel. But Huey’s leg gets caught and he and Louie, somehow on the latter get thrown up in the air and chomped. Back bellow Webby has a suggestion: using magic. Lena naturally not wanting to blow her cover or really liking magic period is against it for now.

Back at the interview, Roxanne brings on a special guest to prove people don’t like scrooge: GLOMGOLD!

Glomgold may create some issues for the subplot and we’ll get to those in due time, but damn if it isn’t always a pleasure to see him. He’s also on good terms with Roxanne... are.. are we sure this is local news and not fox news? Taking the word of a conservative greedy billionare over a progressive one seems like a fox move. Though I might actually watch fox news if glomgold was a commentator. “I propose a red new deal instead of this blasted green new deal, I throw Scrooge to a tank of sharks connected to a generator, the tank turns red with his blood and that somehow creates power! HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT MCDUCK”

So we get the best bit of the episode as Glomgold tries to complain about his building being destroyed which would be fair... if he hadn’t tried to blow up Scrooge’s bin twice this week, with Glomgold going for THREE.. for threee.. for three... it dosen’t go off but it does get scrooge to say he’s glad the building was destroyed. Which is fair but NOT super great PR.

Back at the shark things don’t get better as Webby and Lena argue over the use of magic, I mean as much as they can argue Webby just wants to know why she’s so cagey about this while they go with plan “Launchpad crash into it”. Launchpad also gives a hell of a monologue. Good on you bud. As you can see launchpad’s gotten 100% better since his low point in our last episode. That’s because it’s clear the writers had some struggle ballancing his amped up stupidity with actual competence, making him primarily jokey comic relief in the first few episodes and I wouldn’t be shocked if Terror of The Terra Firmians was written before a lot of the later episodes despite airing around the same time. But by mid-season he’s got his much more lovable charactersation of a dangerous moron..l but one who CAN be competent and is genuinely charming due to how much he cares about his friends and his job. They also dialed down the stupid down to an acceptable homer simpson level: still a danger to himself and others but hilariously so. Point is they fixed it and while i’ll complain about mistakes the show made I will give this crew all the credit for course correcting time and time again and actually listening to fan feedback.

So Webby figures they tried the Jaws option and lost the boat and launchpad, time for plan Magic. They hold hands, EEEEEEEEE, and try a spell.. and it clearly starts working but almost works TOO well, as Lena starts glowing first purple.. then blue. Hmmmm... intresteing. Lena breaks it off and Tiffany breaks out of the bin.. just as scrooge says on the news his adventures aren’t dangerous.

Scrooge naturally goes to face it while Webby wonders why Lena didn’t go for it. To make it a triple Scrooge shows up in time to distract tiffany.. with the number one dime, which as lena found out earlier is on his person rather than at the bin like the public thinks. So while Scrooge puts up a good show.. seriously it’s really awesome and really neat looking, though he also gets VERY upset that people are naturally holding out buckets for the cash shark, which he’s not happy about because well.. he did EARN that money. Most bin money is stuff directly earned by him so fair enough. But while he’s you know, Scrooge Fucking McDuck, and thus puts up a good fight the monster eats him.. and gets the dime stuck in it’s tooth with Magica wanting Lena to grab for it, forgetting that minons, while mildly disposable, aren’t really replaceable when your SOUL’S ATTACHED TO THEM. That’s where Magica’s weakness is. her plans aren’t half bad but as I said, she’s far too bloodthirsty and short sighted. She has better ones than glomgold but ironcially they share the same problem of not thinkign them through. And Magica cares so little for lena she’s blinded to the fact her own personal saftey is tied up in her.

Lena naturally dives for her future girlfrriend and heads into the belly of the beast. And it’s here her REAL moment of truth is. While the one last episode was noble.. it was also easy enough to brush off internal as pragmatisim. Letting Beakly die would’ve brought too much heat and been too easy to quickly go terrible, while saving her got her off Lena’s trail and gave her free reign of the manner. But here? Webby is about to slip into Tiffany’s stomach and whle she hasn’t digested anyone yet given who made Tiffany with it’s likely just because she hasn’t had enough mass to create chainsaws to carve them all up. It’s the Dime or Webby. Lena’s own freedom or the girl she loves. Nothing good comes from saving Webby.. other than Webby. Other than the one person whose truly loved her. I mean think about it: She was created by magica, abused for a good decade and a half. No one but Magica has had a chance to care about her and as we’ve seen Magica only sees her as a weapon to get back at scrooge and not as a person. Webby was the first person she’s ever made a genuine connection with, that’s been there for her, that loves her unconditionally and woiuld be there for her no matter what. And it’s in that moment Lena realizes she can’t sacrifice her for her own good... that after years of having to be selfish to surivive being chained to that monster... she can’t be this time. No mastter what it costs her.. Webby is priceless. So Lena recites the spell, growing bright blue and blowing up tiffany. Lena gladly hugs webby who reciorpates, awww gaybies, and Launchpad hugs dewey. Awww... what it’s still precious he’s a good surrogate uncle. The wacky kind who sleeps in a van on your lawn.

So Scrooge is glad.. though it’s here his subplot falls flat. Him getting attacked by the media and getting a compupance by loosing tons of money from tiffany is fine. Evne if he earned it, his lack of care did bring this on him.. hte problem is they take it too far by having all his nemies show up, him unable to say anything and glomgold blatantly doing so just to steal from him. Otherwise the subplot is fine, a bit heavy on scrooge being a dick but it has to to work and puts him in an awkward situation. But this ending just feels to over the top to realy enjoy. And the series does do over the top humor well so I don’t know what happened here. But having a bunch of outright thieves steel his money instad of a bunch of citizens who didn’t know better and deserved it for the damage, feels wrong and it tastes wrong.

Speaking of feels wrong and tastes wrong we get an INTEINTONAL dose of that as back at the amptheater, Lena and Magica argue about the situation and Magica trying to kill her. Lena tries to walk away but can’t.. phsyically. Magica won’t let her. And this is honestly a very crushing and very well crafted metaphor for how abuse victims sometimes CAN’T escape their abusers. Magica is verbally abusive, treats lena like she’s disposable and constnatly downtalks her self esteem. To Lena magica is nothing but a tool.. but like MANY children caught in horrifcally abusive situations Lena can’t get away. It’s a literal metaphor, an da good one, for how you can’t ALWAYS escape abuse easily, and this especially true for kids who have nowhere to go and hte law on their abusers side more often than not. It’s hard to escape an abusive parent and even harder when they dont’ consider you a person. I thankfully have no personal experince with this but it dosen’t make it any less of a problem nor any less noble of this show to tackle the subject in a frank, if fantastical, way, and a good chunk of Lena’s arc is overcoming this abuse and not letting her abusive past drown her. But for now.. all she can do is agree to do what Magica says till she can hopefully be rid of her. But the light at the end of the tunnel’s coming.. there’s just a whole lotta darkness first.

Next Time: We take a break from the episodes to cover some Lena related comics for a double feature; The first Spies Like Us has everyones faviorite lesbian ducks go on a spy adventure that was never printed in the us for silly reasons we’lll get to and then the 87 ducktales comic dime after dime which features Lena’s predecessor Minima.

Later Today: Close Enough Season 2 is here! I”m going to talk about it! Exclimation Points!

If you liked this review feel free to follow for more. And if you have an episode of Ducktales or another animated show you’d like me to cover just hit me up via my asks or direct messages on here and comission it. And if you’d rather just support me on a monthly basis, head over to my patreon. THE LINK IS RIGHT HERE. Even a buck a month would help and the more of you that donate the closer we get to my Duckcentric stretch goals. The current closest ones are 15, which would lead to reviews of The Goofy Movies and Treasure of the Lost Lamp, and 20 which would lead both to a review of the Super Ducktales mini series, and monthly darkwing duck reviews! So if you like me talking about ducks and want to bolt some duck reviews to the schedule, even a dollar a month would inch me closer to that goal. Eveyr bit helps. But money or not, it’s been a pleasure and i’ll see you at the next rainbow.

#ducktales #weblena #lena sabrewing #webby vanderquack #scrooge mcduck #bentina beakly #donald duck #launchpad mcquack #dewey duck #huey duck #louie duck #magica despell #tiffany despell #jaw$#jaws

35 notes · View notes

fellowstrangetownappreciator · 3 years

Text

La Fiesta Tech and other unfortunate decisions 1: Greek House powered by hatred (Tank and Johnny)

After my last post about my general play style for university in TS2, here I come with something more specific! (aka a blog that promised to be about gameplay is finally posting gameplay)

I ran 35 Sims through college at once - the 8 Strangetown and Pleasantview teens, La Fiesta Tech premades, plus student bin families from the other two universities. In this post I’ll focus on one of the households, what their general experience was and what are my headcanons about it.

Now, I don’t have the save file anymore. The neighborhood succumbed to corruption just a rotation after, so I restarted. It was a learning experience and now I know to run HoodChecker after every rotation and to batbox gossip memories frequently. However, I’m over it and enjoying my new hood even more, I just thought I write a short disclaimer that these bits won’t have any mentions in future posts. But my interpretation of the characters still stands and doesn’t change regardless of save files.

Anyway, let’s get down to business!

...to defeat Academic Probation.

When Johnny Smith signed up for an assignment to establish and lead a Greek House of his own, he was overjoyed. Even more so when he saw the name "Grunt" as his assigned partner.

Founding a Greek House with Ripp? AWESOME!

But... the Grunt in question wasn't Ripp...

No. It was the a**hole Grunt. They’ve already been living in one dorm (with like 14 other people) and the place was a battleground.

To be fair, Johnny and Tank didn't just fight and nothing else. Yes, fighting was like 90 % of how they usually spent their time together but there was something else...

Chess.

In this particular game Johnny had become surprisingly fond of chess and frequently rolled the want to play it.

Chess has always been Tank's favorite game.

They played quite often and it was one of the rare times they were having fun together and actually talked instead of yelling.

But are a few games of chess enough to earn one forgiveness for a teenhood of nastiness and abuse?

In Johnny's eyes rightfully not.

He had to admit the a**hole is quite chill when he's not being a total d*ckhead but that didn't change anything about the fact that Tank had been terrible to him for no good reason ever since forever and he hated him for that.

Those feelings... weren't completely mutual.

College was Tank's awakening. He found himself away from his father, away from prying eyes that would judge him for not being perfect and for the first time in his life, he felt quite free.

And empty. And alone. He realized he had no friends and that the only person who truly liked him was his father and he would most probably stop if he ever learned of Tank's inner world.

He decided it was a high time for a change.

But habits aren't easy to break, especially if they're the only thing you know. Tank had never learnt to relax around people, never learnt to talk to them just to get to know them, never learnt to express himself, never learnt how to make friends.

Why, he had never needed to! They would have been a weakness, an unmanly stain of lollygagging on his consciousness. He was taught that friendships form themselves on the battlefield and it's a waste of time to try to create them otherwise.

It was quite awkward when he started approaching Ripp in attempts to mend their relationship. Tank has hurt Ripp in the past, he actually treated them quite horribly, fueling his own confidence from being the older, bigger, stronger one and from their father approving of such behavior.

Their father has never said it out loud but it has always been simply there that Tank was the superior one. More obedient, stronger, faster, more masculine. Smarter, even! How could Ripp with an attitude like theirs, with their lousy academic results even compare to by-the-book and hardworking Tank?

Yet it was Ripp who was seemingly happier, like they didn't even care about father's disapproval or the pressure of being the offspring of a venerated general. Tank realized he admired them for that. They did things Tank wouldn't even dream of. They didn't hide who they were.

Forgiveness... forgiveness isn't easy to attain. But Tank was determined to try anyway. At the very least he would stop causing any more harm to his sibling in the future.

It wasn't that straightforward with his new alien roommate, though.

Johnny was special. First he despised him because his father taught him they were inherently dangerous and invasive, they needed to be driven away. But that got quickly buried under memories of aggression and hostile experiences. It was by all means Tank who started it and Johnny was only fighting back but that didn't matter deep in Tank's head, his brain had connected Johnny to unpleasant, awful things regardless.

But he was also the most... attractive person Tank knew. Tank couldn't help himself. He wished Johnny Smith wasn't an alien, so they could've been friends right from the start. He was athletic, even more than Tank, was interested in the same sports as him and was damn good at them, he has always had good grades without seemingly having to study that much, and all around, he would make such a worthy friend!

Friend. Was that something Tank sincerely had on mind when he fantasized about Johnny? (And did he do that a lot!) No. Not at all.

Ripp has long been out, proud and loud about their orientation, not denying they liked boys and girls and anything in between and beyond, and the general was giving them dirty looks and deprecating remarks for it. He wasn't outright punishing them, mainly because he expected nothing more from Ripp and knew his middle child was simply "a weirdo" but Tank was sure his reception would be even worse if he came out.

He was supposed to be the good son, after all. The heir. He was not supposed to think or do or, by the Watcher, be something his father considers perverted and unmanly. He could only imagine the horrible things the general could say to him and the thought alone was enough to make him shudder.

Once again Tank simply didn't understand Ripp. They liked girls, so the world didn't even had to know that it's not all there is to it. They could've just find themselves a girlfriend and not face any judging generals. That's what Tank would do!

But he couldn't. He wasn't like Ripp. He only ever felt attracted to other men and male-presenting people. There was nothing he could do, no way he could force himself to be any other way.

And nobody knew. Not even that girl from their high school that Tank asked to prom so that he didn't look weird. They were on amicable terms but they weren't even friends, they just helped each other out so they didn't seem like outcasts to the whole school on the prom night.

He remembered his father being elated and encouraging him to invite his "girlfriend" for a dinner soon, so he could meet the fine young lady that might just one day become his daughter-in-law.

Tank had to tell him that it unfortunately "didn't work out" and that he "needs to focus on his studies and training anyway" and the general then praised him for it.

Little did he know that his favorite son, even back then, was not only gay but had a hopeless crush on an alien boy.

Every time Tank tried to interact with Johnny and be nice to him, he got reminded of his feelings he was so ashamed of and of his fear of his father disavowing him, so he said something mean instead or didn't talk to him at all.

The only exception was chess.

Sometimes, when a game neared its end, they spoke. And they talked... casually. It was awkward and cautious but it was a conversation and it felt... good.

Playing chess with Johnny became Tank's guilty pleasure. (even worse than watching make-up tutorials on SimTube!)

Being forced by the assignment to live together for six semesters was equal parts a living hell and a dream come true.

They had a small house on La Fiesta Tech premises that they were to transform into a lively Greek House.

"This place looks like shit and smells like a prison cell. Or vice-versa?"

"You got everything you have for free, Smith. Stop bitching."

Johnny sighed and opened up a book. "Says someone whose loaded dad literally sent him money for this house."

"I thought your family was also well off. Is that incorrect?"

"We have a financial situation called None of your business, Grunt."

"Sorry for asking like a normal person."

"Nothing you do is 'like a normal person'."

...

"I quit! You're unhinged, Smith!"

"Tell me something I don't know."

"I found a knife under your pillow!"

"You found -what? Why the f*ck were you looking under my pillow?!"

"I was just changing the sheets. I did mine, so I thought I'll do yours, too!"

"Why the f*ck would you change the sheets on MY flipping bed?"

"Because you are a disgusting manchild and it stank."

"I was gonna change them tonight! And, guess what!"

"What?"

"YOU also have a knife under your pillow!"

"I don't!"

"Yes, you do, liar."

"How do you know that?"

"I saw you put it there yesterday, you galaxy brain. The question is, why the hell do you have a f*cking knife under your pillow?"

"Why do you, Smith?"

"Because I live with your ass. I sleep better knowing you can't just murder me in my sleep. Now you tell."

"Same. I've slept with a knife under my pillow ever since grade school in case a robber got to our house. I won't stop now that I live with YOU!"

"..."

"I won't kill you. I'm not a freak! Killing is wrong, even if it's parasites such as you. And, besides, I'm not stupid. If you turned up dead, I'll would be charged immediately, even if I didn't do it."

"So why do heck do you think I would kill you, Grunt?"

"I... don't know."

"Anyway, were you for real? Are you quitting? We fail this assignment but I'm chill with that if it means getting rid of you."

"No, no! I'm not going anywhere until we pass. I'm not a quitter! But if you want to quit, I'll respect that and be glad this circus is finally over."

"Fine. Are we getting pizza for dinner tonight?"

...

“I invited my family for a lunch...”

“Alright. I’ll be in the library. Or the gym. Haven’t decided yet.”

“No.”

“No?”

“I want you to be here, Grunt.”

“Why? So you can all make fun of me?”

“Stop being so defensive. I want you to be here, so you can just chill with us. And my folks are gonna know you’re actually... okay.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“And if you hang out with mom, dad and Jill, you’re gonna know they’re okay, too.”

“That’s not how this works. I can’t just act like we’re friends now and everything’s peachy.”

“Well, who said that? Maybe that’s exactly how it works. You never know until you try!”

“If anything goes wrong-”

“Nothing’s gonna go wrong. It’s not that deep. We’re been living together for nearly three f*cking years and had a sh*tton of time to talk. In fact, I already told them you’re my friend now.”

“I thought we agreed we wouldn’t use the F-word!”

Johnny laughed. “What? F*cking? F*ck? C’mon! Your dad can’t hear us!”

“No, the other one. The FR-word.”

Johnny rolled his eyes and grinned. “Go friend yourself!”

“Okay, I’ll stay for the lunch. I’ll go get my tuxedo...”

“Please don’t.”

Reaching a truce was a painfully slow and slowly painful process. Sometimes Johnny wondered if there’s even a point. Sometimes Tank wondered if it wouldn’t be better just to focus fully on his studies and forget that Johnny existed.

But they had to live together, they had to work together organizing parties and happenings in order to grow the Greek House. They had to speak. And when the exams drew nearer, the only person who was available for evening study sessions was usually the other.

What did they study anyway?

Tank rolled the want to major in Drama while Johnny studied Political Science. Tank has never told his father the truth of what his field of study is and knowing his father has access to the university's statistics and probably could fact check that in Tank's house there lives a Drama major and a PolSci major, he pretended he's doing Political Science and Johnny is the one majoring in Drama.

When the general came for a visit to attend Tank's graduation, Johnny played along with his lie.

The relationship between Tank and Johnny improved drastically over the three years. They still weren't exactly close friends but were healing with a prospect of a friendship further along the way.

Were they romantic with one another?

No. Johnny reciprocated Tank's attraction and maybe something could happen in the future but Johnny fell in love autonomously with somebody else.

With a different Grunt, to be exact.

(typing angrily)

Anyway, even though Tank's crush on Johnny ended up futile, it was still a great experience for him.

In college, Tank Grunt really flourished, despite the initial struggle. He realized a lot about himself and started working on his social skills and repairing his relationships.

He also found a friend in none other than Ophelia Nigmos and she became the first person he ever came out to.

Plus, he was the most academically successful Sim of the whole 35 students I played, being the only one who graduated with a flawless 4.0 GPA.

Unlike Ripp, Tank returned back to live with their father and Buck for the time being. He was expected to enter the army and needed a place to be. Moreover, the general was vocal about choosing him as the heir who inherits the Grunt house someday, so it was simply right for Tank to go back and live there.

Was it? Wasn’t it?

Tank was definitely having second thoughts.

He didn’t wonder anymore if military was the right career path for him. He knew it wasn’t.

But was he ready to let the world know who he really was?

#the sims 2 #ts2 #gameplay #la fiesta tech #tank grunt #johnny smith #premades #simbrl

13 notes · View notes

nazghoulz · 4 years

Text

The Definitive Ranking of Richard Armitage’s Acting Roles, Rated Exclusively by How Hot I Find Him In Screengrabs

Richard Armitage. As a diehard Thorin Oakenshield fan I certainly have a complicated relationship with him, mainly because I can never decide if I find him inherently hot or not. On the one hand, I’m a hardcore Thorinfucker. On the other hand my gay ass sees a headshot of Mr. Armitage and I’m just like, “Oh, no thank you.” So in order to set myself to rights, I have gone through Mr. Armitage’s IMDB and done a definitive ranking of all his 44 screen roles on there, based completely and arbitrarily on how hot I find him in screenshots. (Thank you to all the hardcore Armitage Fuckers who keep wordpress blogs with screengrabs of his various cameos and bit parts; my respect for you cannot be put into words.) I haven’t seen like 90% of these properties, and I didn’t bother to research them, so these are mainly just gut first impressions. I hope this helps anyone else out there who as confused by him as I am. Enjoy ?

44. Father Quart in The Seville Communion/The Man From Rome (2020) — ??/10

I don’t think this movie is out yet? Idk I haven’t been able to find any stills of him, let alone much information about the movie itself. It’s listed on his IMDB though! And apparently he’s playing a priest...which could be extremely 👁️👁️ if done correctly.

43. Unnamed Naboo Fighter Pilot in Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace (1999) — 1/10

OH SWEETIE NO!!!!! This physically pains me to say this, because I unironically love this terrible movie with my whole heart, but unlike a yung Kiera Knightley’s role (pictured front and center) as Padmé’s loyal body double Sabé, this is probably a cameo that we would all like to forget about. The only thing Richard has to offer is this unfortunate turtle-faced realness. This helmet does him no favors.

42. Man in Pub in Boon (1992) — 2/10

As far as I know this is Richard’s first acting credit on IMDB, and he for sure is working the background extra energy. Go on girl give us nothing! He does have a decent backside though, and it’s better than looking at unfortunate turtle face, so I give this one a 2.

41. Paul Andrews in Between the Sheets (2003) — 2/10

I can’t really articulate why, but I absolutely despise every screenshot I see of Richard Armitage in this role. He is completely unhot, and not even in a way I can laugh at. He takes no advantage of his assets, he has no charisma, no magnetism, no nothing. This is Richard Armitage at his most white bread rando, in a way that makes me actively dislike him. Pbbbbttth. Bad. Throw this whole thing away.

40. Craig Parker in Casualty (2001) — 2/10

I don’t know, it’s like the perfect storm of the gelled 2001 hair, the terrible quarter? eighth? zip sweater, and overall, er, skeezy vibes that he gives off that makes him particularly unhot in this role. Perhaps not as reprehensible as Unhot Paul, but still. I think the sheer boringness of this has to count for something. Blech.

39. Dr. Tom Steele in Doctors (2001) — 2.5/10

He honestly looks like a villain in an early season of Alias, which... well. Quentin Tarantino was cast as a bit-part villain in Alias season one, so take that as you will. But at least he’s compelling here, which is why he gets half a point over Unhot Paul.

38. Steven in Frozen (2005) — 3/10

Get some rest, tall child! You can’t keep burning the candle at both ends! Also short haircuts do nothing for you, Richard. Styled like this, they just serve to make you look sort of like a sleaze.

37. Peter Macduff in ShakespeaRe-Told (2005) — 3/10

He honestly looks like he could be a guest star in Friends in this one, where he’s a guy named Jason who Ross meets in Central Perk where they find they have a lot in common. Ross introduces Jason to Monica and they really hit it off, but it all comes crashing down because while Jason is sensitive and writes poetry, he also thinks that the Earth is flat. The rest of the episode is trying to get rid of Jason while he becomes increasingly obsessed with Monica, and Ross cannot quite let go trying to prove to Jason that the world is round. Anyway. Macduff Flat Earth Jason isn’t quite as unhot as Unhot Paul, but he’s pretty much on the same level as Tired Steven.

36. Phillip Durrant in Marple (2007) — 3/10

Something about him in this image really makes me want to punch him in the face. It’s huge Peter Parker in Spider-Man 3 energy.

35. Young Claude Monet in The Impressionists (2006) — 3.5/10

I’M LOSING MY FUCKING MIND THE FIRST THING THAT COMES TO MIND IS !!! CARNIVAL BARKER !!!!! STEP RIGHT UP TO SEE THE WORST GOATEE IN HISTORY !!! I was actually going to give Yung Claude a 2 but the more I look at this terrible beard the more impressed I am with the boldness of this look, so I had to bump it up to 3.5. Idk. Just look at this. It’s incredible, especially knowing what kind of beard Armitage can grow himself !!!!!!!!

34. Heinz Kruger in Captain America: The First Avenger (2011) — 3.5/10

This is definitely the best looking he’s been so far in this list, but he’s a Nazi in this one, which makes him unsexy on principle. But do I feel a little something when he gets pinned to the ground by jacked Chris Evans with the above look on his face right before he swallows his cyanide pill? Can neither confirm nor deny. They are also truly playing into his inherently sinister bone structure, so I can respect that.

33. Percy Courtney in Miss Marie Lloyd (2007) — 4/10

Even including Yung Claude and Nazi Heinz, I think Nothing Percy is probably the weakest of Richard’s period looks, mostly because he looks like, well, nothing. He certainly doesn’t pull off that top hat like he does in North and South, and the secret to that might be the lack of sideburns. In this one he just sort of reminds me of the asshole fiance in Titanic.

32. Philip Turner in The Inspector Lynley Mysteries (2005) — 4/10

He’s really giving off bargain bin Hugh Jackman as Wolverine vibes here, if Logan’s energy was more “murderer in a Hallmark channel mystery” than “superhero.” Though, given what sort of show this is, that may be the point! Idk, this isn’t the worst. At least he has a decent haircut in this one. Still, I feel absolutely nothing when I look at him. He’s simply royalty-free stock music given human form.

31. Dr. Alec Track in The Golden Hour (2005) — 4.5/10

I could see how this conceivably be sexy in this role, but to be honest, he’s still nothing to me, sorry. He gets some extra points because he obviously worked out for this role and the hard nips through a white undershirt is a commendable look. I whole-heartedly respect Doctor Alec’s thottitude.

30. Daryl in Staged (1999) — 4.5/10

Speaking of thottitude!!!!! This is one cream-faced business boy that I can certainly get into! He looks like the love interest in a pre-Hayes code homoerotic thriller from the early 1930s. I’m sure that’s just because of the lighting and general staging of this production, but hm... demure. Love it.

29. Capt. Ian Macalwain in Ultimate Force (2003) — 4.5/10

Well, he looks like a character from M*A*S*H but with no charisma, or like an extra in The Great Escape who snitches on Steve McQueen to the Nazis. Also in half the pictures I find of him from this he’s wearing this terrible beret, which I know he can pull off because of a role that ranks much higher on this list. Whoever styles this man really needs to pay attention to what sort of headgear they put on him.

28. Epiphanes in Cleopatra (1999) — 5/10

Speaking of headgear, you know what?? He doesn’t look awful here. A solid 5, perfectly acceptable. I think the helmet does a lot to accentuate the sharpness of his face in this extremely bit part, though the eyeliner definitely also helps as well.

27. John Mulligan in Moving On (2009) — 5/10

Mr. Armitage’s characters can really have potential when a production’s stylist allows him to wear scruff (IN A WAY THAT LOOKS NATURAL, LOOKING AT YOU YUNG CLAUDE). However, as it is with John Mulligan in Moving On here, he just sort of looks like a rando? They’re not playing into the inherent angularity of his face, which for me makes it sort of confusing regarding what sort of emotion I’m supposed to feel while looking at him. As it is, I’m just like, “Yup, that sure is a regular human man, right there.”

26. Smug Man at Party in This Year’s Love (1999) — 5/10

This is the face of a man who less smug and is more DRUNK OUT OF HIS MIND !!!! Idk. He’s cute here, I’ll admit. That’s all I have to say about it.

25. John Standring in Sparkhouse (2002) — 5.5/10

I enjoy the bold choice of giving him wavy hair in this one, but I’m not sure he quite pulls it off. It doesn’t look bad, per se, just... he looks completely nonthreatening. Which I guess could be someone’s thing, but not mine. He honestly looks like a knock-off Will Graham, sans dogs and trauma.

24. Gary in Into the Storm (2014) — 5.5/10

I think the thing that really gets me is that this character’s name is Gary. Who on God’s green Earth looks at Richard Armitage and goes, “Ah yes, you do look like a Gary” ??? I don’t think I know of a single non-American Gary, especially since the name Gary only got popularized after Gary Cooper renamed himself after his hometown of Gary, Indiana!!!! It wasn’t really a name for human men before that!!!! I want to live in the alternate universe where Frank Cooper was originally from Albuquerque and named himself Albuquerque Cooper and this character is named as such. Gary. Really.

23. King Oleron in Alice Through the Looking Glass (2016) — 5.5/10

I truly hate how much his facial expressions in these stills remind me of Thorin, considering how bad he looks otherwise. Like his face his fine, I guess, especially since this is the first instance of his full beard. I’m charmed despite myself! Take me to wonderland, O King.

22. Adam Price in The Stranger (2020) — 5.5/10

For as compelling as people call this series, Richard here isn’t very much so imo. But despite my utter lack of interest, he doesn’t look bad per se. He just sort of has that stubbly white man blandness that colors a lot of his more recent roles. Like, at least his bad mid-2000′s styling had character. This is just the visual representation of a vague handwave.

21. Harry Kennedy in The Vicar of Dibley (2006) — 6/10

Gosh... floppy hair, cute sweaters... he also seems to be smiling a lot in this one, which is nice! The only thing I have to complain about is that he looks very much like if Bradley Cooper and Hugh Jackman circa Kate and Leopold had a baby, which may not necessarily be too much of a bad thing, but I can’t unsee it.

20. Sgt. John Porter in Strike Back (2010) — 6/10

Ah, back to poorly suited haircuts. At least he’s a little bit gritter and grimier than we’ve seen so far, and I will say Richard Armitage does look good covered in dirt, as we will see later on. Also he’s got biceps in this one, which, hell yeah.

19. Ricky Deeming in Inspector George Gently (2007) — 6/10

I’M HAVING THE HARDEST TIME RIGHT NOW RANKING THIS ONE BC OF THIS INCREDIBLE LITTLE WHITE SCARF-RIDING LEATHERS COMBO!!! WHICH ABSOLUTE GENIUS DECIDED THIS!!!! EVERY SCREENSHOT OF HIM IN HIS EPISODE HAS THIS!!! Part of me just wants to give Stylish Ricky a big fat 10 because I’m gay and adore the sheer audacity of this look, but I still have to be fair and rank his overall aura accordingly. I think he’s a handsome extremely gay-coded motorcycle lad in this one, but he doesn’t exactly rev my engine, so to speak.

18. Lucas North in Spooks (2008) — 6/10

The tattoos really spice this one up. Luke could have been plagued by the problems inherent in Regular Mulligan’s Moving On styling, but this guy has an edge to him. He has a good haircut and 5′ o’clock shadow, which is something I’ve figured out is integral to Armitage Hotness. I feel like if I got to know this character I could possibly find him sexy.

17. Raymond de Merville in Pilgrimage (2017) — 6.5/10

Speaking of bad haircuts, this one is his undoing. This is almost the perfect balance between full beard and short haircut, which is the only way a short haircut works on this man, but they ruined it with this one! They gave him a bad bowl fade, which completely undoes any inherent sexiness that comes with being a knight. Not even the fact that he’s covered in dirt can turn me on at this point, ugh. Guy of Gisbourne he is not!!!

16. Tom Calahan in Brain on Fire (2016) — 6.5/10

Oh hell yes, WELCUM 2 DA DILF ZONE!!! I’m not super duper thrilled with the looks I’ve seen from this movie, but he seems scruffy and comfy in a way that is slightly refreshing for ol’ Richard. This is certainly the best of his normie looks so far. I’m just sad it took them 24 years to figure out how to style him properly for sympathetic roles in a contemporary setting.

15. James in My Zoe (2019) — 6.5/10

It’s another DILF look, slightly edgier than Comfy Tom but none of that sexy tired energy that we’ll see from Ocean’s 8. I don’t know !! Jimmy here doesn’t exactly thrill me, I think I prefer Tom’s flannels to this sharp bomber jacket/white t shirt combo seen here. Oh well! I am extremely 👀 👀 👀 👀 👀 that he can just casually palm that soccer ball like that.

14. John Thornton in North & South (2004) — 7/10

Alright. I’m sorry. I just don’t find him that hot in this role. Like yeah, he’s got the scruff and the sideburns that work to his advantage, and the setting does make this character inherently sexy, but in some screenshots he screams too much of an aforementioned Kate and Leopold (the best Meg Ryan movie, imo) era Hugh Jackman to me. And if I was particularly into that, I would just watch Kate and Leopold again. I will admit, however, that this rating could be subject to change if I actually took the time to watch this show.

13. Chop in Urban and the Shed Crew (2015) — 7/10

...I’M??? INTO IT??? He’s dirty and scruffy but also has kind eyes.... I feel like this is knock off Will Graham who has blossomed into his own. His run down, grime-covered own. He’s back edging into Bradley Cooper territory, but somehow it works for him in this one. Like, I’m 89% sure it’s the DILF vibes I’ve been getting from the other screengrabs I’ve seen of this role, and this particular flavor of DILF is way sexier than Jimmy or Comfy Tom.

12. Francis Dolarhyde in Hannibal (2015) — 7/10

His Caesar cut doesn’t bother me quite so much in this, probably because he is pretty explicitly playing a villain in a series that doesn’t have any basis in reality. A villain who is ripped, and who can effortlessly throw real Will Graham around. Armitage uses his inherent sinisterness to great effect as the Red Dragon, which is good actually! I think a lot of how hot he is in any particular role really depends on whether the styling allows him to play to his strengths...idk! I’m not usually a huge fan of clean shaven Armitage, but it works for Frank here.

11. Daniel Miller in Berlin Station (2016) — 7/10

As much as I adore this particular look (beard + fade + green army jacket), I have to compromise and give Danny a 7/10 because it seems like the first season they styled him in usual stubbly white man blandness. I’d say screengrabs from s1 are a solid 6, while this might be an 8, so the average is a 7. That’s all I have to say about this!

10. Claude Becker in Ocean’s 8 (2018) — 7.5/10

!!!!! I love him in this role, I about had a conniption in the theater because I absolutely was not expecting him!! He looks perfectly ruffled and scruffy, edgier than either Comfy Tom or Jimmy, which I’m very into. That plus his two borzois (objectively the best looking dogs on the planet) really put Old Claude over the top for me. Thank you, thank you Hollywood stylists for finally figuring out what to do with him for roles as a Normal Man.

9. Richard Hall in The Lodge (2019) — 7.5/10

I don’t know anything about this movie, but it seems pretty spooky, which I’m into. I think Richard is well suited for this sort of horror/thriller role, where his angular features can play into the overall vibe rather than some hapless stylist trying to work around them. He looks like another cozy DILF here but with a bite to him, like someone who would do anything to protect his brood. I mean, he’s teaching this child to shoot! But idk, he also has the potential for Jack Nicholson in The Shining energy, which I also could be....hm... into. Idk. Is this on Netflix??

8. Lee in Cold Feet (2003) — 7.5/10

FUN!!! FLIRTY!!!! OTTER VIBES!!!!! I LOVE THIS, he seems so goofy here, and Armitage doesn’t usually pull off goofy that well! I’ve giggled at literally every screenshot I could find from the four episodes he was in this show, he seems like a real himbo. I’m a huge fan, even if it comes at the cost of dehydration abs.

7. William Chatford in Malice Aforethought (2005) — 7.5/10

Hoo hoo HOO DO NOT JUDGE ME!!!!!!! Maybe it’s just because I’ve been watching the new season of The Alienist and the new dark and gritty HBO reboot of Perry Mason back to back, but sue me, I love the bold choice they made with giving him a pencil moustache here. He looks like a hot Howard Hughes; if cream-faced business boy Daryl from Staged is the young ingenue in the pre-Hayes Code thriller I cast him in, Bill here is the sexy antagonist. I desperately want to hear a perfect Transatlantic accent coming out out of that mouth. This look fucks and I’m sticking to that no matter what.

6. Trevor Belmont in Castlevania (2017) — 8/10

Ah, yes, speaking of king himbos... do me a favor and look me right in the eye and tell me that you wouldn’t fuck Trevor Belmont. You can’t, can you?????? At least 80% of Richard Armitage’s inherent hotness stems from his voice, and you can’t tell me there isn’t anything sexier than thinking about letting that guy loose in a recording studio and letting him say fuck. Look, Trevor may be drawn that way, but it’s the absolute stupidity coming out of his mouth in that sweet baritone that makes me want to be raw-dogged by 100% pure Romanian beef.

5. Dr. Scott White in Sleepwalker (2017) — 8/10

Much like I had intimated when talking about Hot Danny in Berlin Station, this is Peak contemporary normie Richard Armitage styling. I honestly think The Hobbit either awakened something in him, or casting directors finally figured out he looks way good with a full beard. His crew cut even works with his whole look, which is a miracle!!!! I think he should be contractually obligated to have a full beard in all of his future roles, but that’s just me.

4. Guy of Gisbourne in Robin Hood (2006) — 8.5/10

I honestly can’t believe I’m ranking Guy so far up here, but honestly, THIS RULES!!!!!! THIS FUCKS!!!!!!!!! Which is incredible due to Guy’s lack of beard, but I’m weirdly okay with it? Like sure, he looks like he’d probably call me a slur in front of his shitty friends, but he also looks like he could tenderly pound me into the mattress in a way that would have me questioning my commitment to the “no emotions” clause of our clandestine no-strings-attached sex agreement. Anyway. Guy of Gisbourne if you see this im free thursday night. please message me back if you’re free thursday night when i am fr

3. Angus in Macbeth (1999) — 8.5/10

HHHNGHGNHNGHGN HE’S SO HOT.....!!! HE’S SO HOT!!!!! Leather jacket!!! Scruff!! Dirt!!!! Flattering beret!!!!! He’s so hot, and the worst part about this is that this was filmed in NINETEEN NINETY NINE!!!!!!!!!!!! Which means we could have always had this, had stylists and makeup artists PLAYED TO HIS STRENGTHS!!!!! He’s so hot I’m getting legitimately angry. Without scruff and dirt this man is nothing. N o t h i n g.

2. John Proctor in The Crucible (2014) — 9/10

Look, I know I have a type. But... this guy is just so hot, Daniel Day Lewis please step aside!!!! Contemporary theater historians describe John Proctor as a “strong beast of a man,” and... hhhHHOOOGH HELL YEAH!!! HELL !!!! YEAH !!!!! Like, his dick got almost his entire Puritan village, including himself, accused of witchcraft and like, looking at this guy, I kind of get it. I would probably go to war over the raw animal beauty of this horrible dirty, greasy man. Sue me, I confess. I saw Goody Osburn with the devil.

1. Thorin II Oakenshield in The Hobbit Trilogy — 9.5/10

Come on. You knew it was going to be this guy. Look at my icon for christ’s sake. I am completely biased, I cannot look at his pictures objectively. Anyway. Thank you so much for reading, this was a very stupid list.

#rene rambles #this is the worst thing ive ever done tbh #richard armitage

96 notes · View notes

eurosong · 4 years

Text

My ESC ‘20 ranking

Good morning folks, on this rather melancholy “Eurovision day.” Whilst this year may be cancelled and its songs pretty callously binned by the EBU, 2020 was a diverse year that deserves taking a close look at too, so here goes my customary full ranking of the year. I express some candid opinions, but they are just my take on things, no shade intended if you disagree.

41. Estonia - What love is It’s always most difficult to pick a last place because, no matter how sleek Eurovision gets, there are still a few abject horrors that sneak into the contest. With a score that would have been dated 30 years back, and lyrics that manage the peculiar double act of being both pompous and anodyne, this is horrid enough before Uku’s dubious xenophobic comments and his prevailing over a field of much more compelling songs get taken into account.

40. Macedonia - You The Macedonians, having achieved their best result ever last year (I’m happy for them, but also, Kaliopi deserved that), decided that they soared too close to the sun with Proud and decided to crash land this year to build their energy to soar again. That’s the only reasonable explanation I have for this effort which deeply repels me, doubling down on Luca Hänni’s “cocky guy in a sleazy bar” æsthetics and adds to it even worse lyrics, castrato singing and the unintended levity of the interpreter being far more interested in the bartender. Also one of a maddening number of duplicate titles that were nowhere near as good as the originals.

39. Cyprus - Running What is this void in the space of a song? I’ve listened to it dozens of times to do ratings over the past months. I’m still left with an icy emptiness because it does nothing to me, says nothing to me. The only thing that I can say in its favour is that it’s not a replay of replay aka Fuego 3. That’s it. It’s like it’s designed to leave little impression and hope to cruise by on diaspora and friendly votes alone.

38. Austria - Alive Austria have been on an interesting Eurovision journey, going from winning with Conchita to serving up this chirpy homophobe doing his best impression of Timberlake. A monumental step back from the singular tenderness of Pænda.

37. France - Mon alliée (The best in me) La déception de l’année sans doute. France, one of Europe’s cultural powerhouses, really said “forget Destination Eurovision, which showcased our music scene’s diversity and was one of the fandom’s favourite newer NFs. Let’s abolish it all and bring in the guys who made Bigger than us, because we really want a piece of that Big 5 bottom place action! Let’s throw away our cultural caché and get something about as French as flatpack furniture!”

This is like going to a pricey restaurant in Paris, expecting haute cuisine and instead getting some microwave-reheated IKEA köttbullar. And can we talk about how Amir of J’ai cherché fame is partly to “thank” for this in one of the biggest heel turns of the year? It’s like he wanted to ensure that France TV beg him to return by safeguarding his excellent score from being equalled. I also have to say, Tom Leeb seems like a nice guy with a good voice. He did his best to salvage this with the acoustic version, which lifts it up a few places. But not so many given that that Westlife reject b-side ending with a key change remains.

36. Germany - Violent thing Speaking of major cultural players dumping their national finals for no good reason, guten Tag, Deutschland! Germany once had one of the best and certainly most diverse NFs going. Instead of dumping Barbara Schönenberger as hostess - every year she’s presented, Germany have had calamity, and the one year they did well, 2018, she wasn’t host - they decided to pin all their hopes on a bewildered looking gossoon from Slovenia with yet another Timberclone song and some rather dubious live vox. As his countrywoman Lea Sirk said, it’s a hvala ne from me.

35. Spain - Universo Yes, it’s another year of the Big 5 not living up to its automatic qualification rights (except you, Italy, thank you for being the exception to the rule.) So here we’ve got a bland effort from Spain to avoid being bottom 5, except that ain’t how ESC works - you need something to get people to waste their money on voting for your song. And for me, this surely is not it. This was a bit higher on my ranking before because there are more objectively objectionable songs out there. But the nonsensical, repetitive lyrics, the painful attempt at a high note on perdónameeee, and getting stuck on a bus where I had to put up said screeching being played 5+ times means #35 is about right for where it deserves.

34. Armenia - Chains on you Armenia, usually a reliable mainstay in the top half of my listings at least, instead served up one of the most bewilderingly impalatable NFs of the season where every song sounded imported from the ESC anni horribili of the 00s. This has grown on me a little bit - I like tin drums and I like her weird accent - but the lyrics are amongst the year’s most pitiful (“ya wanna take me to a party, because you’re naughty”) and it just feels cheep to me. 33. Bulgaria - Tears getting sober I don’t see the appeal in this bewildering merger of dirge and Disney, and this is coming from someone who likes melancholic music more times than not. I find this one straight up unpleasant to listen to. The lyrics are of someone passive-aggressively glorying in the pain they wallow in to return the hurt, in “look how much you’re making me hurt myself” style. The syrupy score replete with key change is a bizarre, ghoulish accompaniment. Only this high because I recognise some artistic merit in its production.

32. Azerbaijan - Cleopatra Are Azerbaijan now at the stage where they’ve decided to pastiche themselves? The country with the worst LGBT rights of all contesting ESC having the monumental neck to send a song about “gay or straight or in between”? The country who have almost religiously avoided sending anything with any actual Azeri national character or heritage sending a song written by a Canadian, an American and a Frisian about a Greek-Egyptian ruler with a Japanese mantra and Latin affectations, so sending us around the world to pretty much everywhere except Azerbaijan? What can I say in favour of it? It’s a little bit catchy. So are venereal diseases.

31. Poland - Empires How can a country who started their ESC journey with aplomb - and experimental gems like Sama and Chcę znać swój grzech - and who continue to serve in the junior contest, how can they be so almost studiedly bland in ESC these days? This is our 564th knockoff Bond tune, sung a little awkwardly and with lyrics written by a Year 8 who’s been given a creätive writing assignment where they have to use metaphors. “We’re gasoline and a match!” Wow. If it passed to the final, it would only because of loyal Poles abroad.

30. Greece - Superg!rl We leave the territory of complete dirges and enter that of songs I can sort of live with. This one’s a huge step back for the Hellenes though after the gorgeous Better love. Its odd chorus is memorable, but not for the best reasons. Its saving grace is its unintentionally humorous promotional video. A better use of those superpowers would have been to come up with a better song.

29. Moldova - Prison Remember the fun Moldova that used to bring songs like Hora din Moldova and Lautar, with some actual national flavour and flair? That’s long gone. Even the Moldova that brought terrible songs but fun stagings, like that of My lucky day, seems far lost into the fogs of time too. Another wholly unremarkable and mediocre production of the Scream Team that would be lucky to scrape into the finals. 28. Belgium - Release me Has Belgium learnt absolutely nothing in the years Blanche where the wheels of their ESC renaissance have fallen decidedly off? My feeling is no. I have to salute them to some degree for creating nice, very musical compositions, but just like in the past two years, they have forgotten to add a few key elements: some sense of progression or dynamism. This plods along repetitively on one track, one note, and that note is nice enough as background music, but my hunch is that track would have led them to another unsurprising “surprise” NQ.

27. Serbia - Hasta la vista It’s an earworm, but some earworms leave you wanting to get an aural exorcism. Somehow, some sort of collective insanity overcame Serbia and they decided to dump on their beautiful oeuvre of songs, go completely against their trend for qualitative, classical, brooding, orchestral music by instead picking a bunch of time travellers who had been a third rate girl band in Transnistria. How enough Serbians thought they’d win over Europe by going for a sound that was dated even when they made their début bemuses me. 26. UK - My last breath The UK are really soaring high in my rankings as... the last amongst the 26 songs that would make up my notional perfect final. Baby steps. I still think it’s pretty lame how the BBC tanked their own national final for this. It’s not so adventurous. It has so little to say that it’s half a minute shorter than the ESC standard and yet still consists of repetition. It has one of the most annoying chorus quirks with that beat in “my last... breath.” How did this get up this high again?

25. Albania - Fall from the sky It absolutely pains my heart to put Albania out of the top 20 after two thunderous years in which they captured my gold and bronze respectively. What makes it worse is that they could have had a perfect hat-trick, because the original, Albanian language version “Shaj” was my #1 song from December up until mid-March when they released this thin gruel of a revamp with all the things that gave Shaj some authenticity and flavour gone, and with beautiful, heart-rending lyrics replaced with cliché. Only this high because there are plenty of worse songs.

24. Czechia - Kemama I have a soft spot for poor Benny, the interpreter of this song. Ok, so it beat a field containing some vastly superior songs, but it’s nice to have a Czech song without weird lyrics about women for the first time in a while, and the way the kid was put through the ringer for his more Afrobeat-influenced revamp made me sad. For me, it gained a bit of flavour with that change. The lyrics are still poor but I like the colourful musical backdrop.

23. Israël - Feker libi 🇮🇱 Sometimes, you don’t think much of a song but the artist elevates it enormously. Such is the case with Feker libi, a bizarre pot pourri of styles with a very discordant tropical verse (which I like), mid-90s dance track chorus (which I don’t), middle eastern post-chorus and African-sounding outro (jury’s out on both.) Yet Eden Alene is so full of natural charm and exudes “I want to be your friend” that I can’t help but rewatch just because of how joyous she makes it.

22. San Marino - Freaky 🇸🇲 Speaking of atypical countries flying high in my ranking, all was set for San Marrano to take non-pride of place at the bottom of my ranks yet again, but somehow, I ended up quite enjoying their track this year. Yes, San Marino is still a weird zone where, when you descend to Rimini in Italy, you enter the new millennium, but returning up the tiny nation’s steep slopes, you head back to a time in the 70s when disko was king. This disco is fun though. In part thanks to Senhit, a sympathetic performer who deserved more in 2011, in part the lyrics - who doesn’t want to rip up the rules, write new ones and then destroy them too?

22. Switzerland - Répondez-moi It’s nice to have the Swiss singing in a national language for the first time in ages. It’s also nice that they didn’t fall back on their success with Hänni by going with a similar so-called bOp. I also really love some of the artist’s other tracks, like Babi. And I liked this a fair bit more upon first listen, but the combination of less than stellar lyrics - just a succession of somewhat emoïsh rhetorical questions; just because they’re in French, doesn’t make them deep - and a wailing falsetto have made my will to relisten to this often take a serious hit for me. A shame, as musically, it has some undoubted quality. 20. Denmark - Yes 🇩🇰 Denmark seems to be doubling down on 2019 to develop its new niche - catchy, sweet but ultimately a little overly gooey love songs. There’s always something a little bit imperfect about them though: last year it was Leonora’s serial killer-esque nervous gaze; this year, it’s the “I’m not going to even try to make pretend we’re an item” lack of energy from Tan. It’s a little bit too reheated “Little talks” but it’s decent enough.

19. Russia - Uno 🇷🇺 When this first was released, days after the deadline for submitting songs, I was pretty peeved at what seemed like a pisstake against the contest, a bizarre rehash of Aqua for the meme age. And yet.. maybe it’s the quarantine slowly driving me insane, maybe it’s the sheer infectiousness of this that just makes you want to dance, maybe it’s the epic energy of the backing singer (Rosa from Brooklyn 99’s twin) who looks like she wants to kill everyone else... but I’ve actually grown to like this enough to put it top 20. I’m not always entirely predictable!

18. Norway - Attention 🇳🇴 There’s a lot of things that tick my yes boxes with this song, like the beautiful orchestral music laid out by the famed Mørland or the simple but sincere performance. There are also things that take a Sharpie and scrawl in my no boxes too, like the somewhat whiny tone of the vocals or the adolescent and lyrics which, with their “oy’d change anyffink abaat moyself fur a boi” tone, don’t flatter the singer, and from Mørland, I expect better. There’s more good than bad here though, and it has been an earworm since the day it was selected.

17. Belarus - Da widna 🇧🇾 I don’t know what was in the water this year, but we got a bunch of great Slavic language songs, including from countries that don’t typically send songs except in English. I like the chilled out vibe and the curious lyrics. Their live version for Eurovision Home Concerts with just an acoustic guitar sounded a whole lot better, I must say.

16. Australia - Don’t break me 🇦🇺 I’m finally overcoming the horror of the bizarre clown mise-en-scène complete with ropey lyrics at Australia decides and judging this on its potential. Hands down Australia’s best entry at the contest for me. Musically, it’s strong, and lyrically, it’s compelling and very saudadic. I’m sad we won’t see what a glow-up their final staging could have provided. I really hope it wouldn’t have involved clowns, which seriously tanked the song in my ranking for months, no joke.

15. Portugal - Medo de sentir 🇵🇹 A Portuguese entry outside of my top ten? Given their form with me since 2015, this might seem like a harbinger of the apocalypse. I still like it quite a bit, but there are stronger songs this time. It’s heartfelt, the lyrics are powerful (about being afraid to feel again after being hurt) and the melody is pretty. The live was a bit cagey especially because of the not particularly well synchronised voices of Elisa and the pianist, who composed the song. Still a very nice song and it is great to see Portugal staying faithful to its language, but I can’t help but feel sad that songs more in line with its riskier, more trailblazing previous few years. Passe-partout or Gerbera amarela do sul would have been in my top 3 like last year.

14. Latvia - Still breathing 🇱🇻 If you told me in January that not only would this song not be disliked, it’d also end up in my top 15 of the year, I’m sure incredulous laughter would have been the most polite response you’d have probably gotten. And yet - the song I couldn’t stand in Supernova has won me over and I do want to see Samanta Tina return for 2021 since she evidently cares so deeply about ESC so is pretty much one of us. I’ve come to love the weirdness of the track - real meat and gravy given the number of anodyne tracks - the iconic pre-corona hygienic leitmotif of its staging. ST’s joie de vivre and command of the stage. It’d be a guilty pleasure except I don’t feel guilty for it.

13. Georgia - Take me as I am 🇬🇪 Georgia once again are dancing to the beats of their very anarchic drummer and I love them for that. This thinly veiled swipe at both the Big 5 coasting in mediocrity and at narrow-minded fans’ reäctions to Georgia’s extremely varied oeuvre just hits the spot for me. I love the musicality of it, the dark electro-rock vibes, Tornike’s voice and how it blends perfectly with his captivating backing singers. I always vote with my feet for something different in an era where people are aiming to qualify with safe and bland rather than taking risks.

12. Romania - Alcohol you 🇷🇴 Roxen provided one of the most iconic moments of the season by deliberately tanking the ordained bop amongst her national final songs. Her eventual song is one of the most emotional of the year, and also one of the most surprisingly literary: there are tonnes of nuances, allusions, wordplays and so forth in this text, most of which are a lot more graceful than the titular terrible pun. I humbly put it to folk who thinks that this romanticises alcohol that they are missing the point - it’s instead being used as a metaphor for toxic relations which, by the end of the song, Roxen has broken away from. I love her voice, I love the music. It fell briefly out of my affections because of the weird mini-revamp, but it’s risen again.

11. Ukraine - Solowej 🇺🇦 It’s fabulous to see Ukraine singing a song entirely in their language and I hope this trend continues across the Slavic nations like was notable this year. The timeless folksy elements mixing with modern beats makes a curious and entrancing blend, delivered with aplomb. It takes where Poland 2019 went wrong and puts it right. I could have done without the unnecessary revamp, but it’s still one of the year’s freshest cuts. Well done, Widbir!

10. Slovenia - Voda 🇸🇮 In an age where the likes of Albania is stripping away all the beautiful orchestral flourishes of its entry to make a pared and muted revamp, Slovenia went full throttle in the opposite - and in my mind, right - direction and made one of the very few good revamps of the season. Performing with the Budapest philharmonic orchestra, Ana Soklič, who, for my money, has one of the best female voices of the year, unleashed the cinematic, sweeping beauty of Voda. I think this would have surprised many people by doing quite well. On musical and vocal merit alone, and adding to that the subdued saudade of its lyrics, it deserved a lot more love.

09 Malta - All of my love 🇲🇹 In 2018, I would have sooner said that it was more probable for me to have become Grand-Duke of Luxembourg than it was for me to have loved a Maltese song, let alone two i n a r o w. I didn’t expect much of this at all, because I expected we’d get a wailing vocal exhibition, as Ian used to say, focused on exhibiting Destiny’s range rather than giving her a genuinely good song. But this is a genuinely good song. Once again, I love for the gospel edge it has, and Destiny’s vocals soar to impressive heights, without feeling unnatural or ostentatious. I should have known to expect good things with the regal Cesár Sampson on board.

08 Lithuania - On fire 🇱🇹 Prior to this year, few people had any hopes for Lithuania’s long-winded national final selection process. The idea of it being must-watch viewing when there were many other more compelling choices on offer was hilarious. In 2020, that changed. They changed the name to the hilarious but hopeful “Let’s try again”, had a number of fantastic songs, and became one of the most diverse and qualitative highlights of the NF season. The eventual winners, The Roop, deserved the accolade with this cool, super contemporary track with a brilliant dance routine and a genuinely important message about not giving up on yourself.

07. Sweden - Move 🇸🇪 At MF this year, the Swedes put a match to its protracted ‘cocky fuckboi with polished, soulless overproduced pop song’ era, hopefully for good, with an all-female top 4. I will always lament Dotter missing out narrowly, but I’ve still been brought plenty of joy by the radiant Mamas with their fabulous hand-choreography and genuine warmth, and this song of resilience through the tough times. I love gospel-tinged music and this really makes me smile.

06 Ireland - The story of my life 🇮🇪 Before this was announced, I heard Ireland’s track being compared to the oeuvre of pretty much every major 00s female pop star. I was quizzical, but upon hearing it, could see why. In a year with a lot of beige, this is just one big orange and yellow blast of colourful late 90s/early 00s nostalgia, hope, resilience. The kind of anthem I never knew I needed but came right on time. I can’t listen to its wry, conversational lyrics without wanting to dance along. And Lesley Roy herself is an icon. My favourite effort from Ireland since Playing by numbers, and I really hope she returns in 2021.

05 Finland - Looking back 🇫🇮 I’ll never forget a mural in the part of València where I used to live that said “we’re not different for the sake of being different”, and that could sum up my attitudes to Eurovision. Whilst it seemed almost everyone was behind Cicciolina in Finland, I had scant hope for my favourite, and was blown away when it actually did win. This melancholy meditation on the passing of time and people - “we never know what we have until it’s over and we’re looking back” - became emblematic of this year for me and added to what was already a really poignant and moving track. I love the musical style too and the smoothness of Aksel’s voice and how it contrasts with his evident awkward shyness. It has moved me so much that it had to end up top 5.

04 Croatia - Divlji vjetre 🇭🇷 I always will represent and bring love for the Balkans and their adhesion to their musical traditions. This was one of the most pleasant surprises of the NF season for me - I was expecting very little from Croatia, and instead, it greeted me with this beauty. You have the understated classic grace of the music, the exquisite melancholy and poeticism of the lyrics, and one of the finest male vocals of the season. My favourite Croatian track in almost 15 years.

03 Italy - Fai rumore 🇮🇹 Sanremo isn’t just a national final, it’s a cultural experience that digs into your heart over the course of a whole week. This was one of the most memorable I have followed yet - and what a truly deserving winner. It’s just another example of the seemingly endless supply of heartfelt tunes by classy, sincere performers that Italy has on tap, with one of the best lyrics of the contest and the extra level of poignancy from how the lyrical theme of isolation would come to represent us all.

02 Iceland - Think about things 🇮🇸 One of my nerviest and happiest moments of the entire NF season was seeing Daði Freyr and friends win Söngvakeppnin in Iceland. As much as I loved Svala’s Paper, I had also adored his song three years prior - the delightfully awkward and similarly irrepressably earwormy Is this love. And now he was back with a groovy, fun, heartwarming tune about fatherhood that has only continued to grow in my estimations. The bridge still full on gives me goosebumps. It’s the kind of song that just makes me marvel at being human and being on this earth.

01 Netherlands - Grow 🇳🇱 My top few songs are all very closely entwined so much so that they could be considered joint winners, but I’ve been pretty unequivocal ever since Shaj got torpedoed by its revampire: silver turned to gold and my previous 2nd place, Grow, became my new favourite. I love the heartfelt, sparsely poëtic, bravely confessional lyrics. I love the way that it goes from something minimalist and intimate with just organ and voice and slowly builds upon the hints of gospel to something truly anthemic. Such a meticulous arrangement where there’s not a single sound out of place. This song is pure art and, like Soldi, Mall, APD and all those preceding songs which had the magic of being my personal favourite, it moves me upon every listen.

#eurovision #eurovision song contest #esc 2020 #opinion #eurovision 2020 #esc

24 notes · View notes

andyourhostkristenwiig · 4 years

Text

I thought about this for quite a while..about what happened at work yesterday. I have to write it down and I can’t fit it in a message to my friends...but I can’t let it go yet. I’m making it read more though.

We’re 6 people in our department including our boss.

Three of us were around the same age (26-30) so we got along very well. Especially with Corona hitting us, two of us living alone, we weren’t allowed to go anywhere besides work so we bonded. We were friends, at least I thought so.

We’d spend lunch breaks together, since we shared one office anway, we had a movie/game night one time in June. We laughed a lot and work was really fun. Let’s call them A and B (which fits, since I’m C)

Now we all have our little knicks and knacks and I fully understand that.

A was afraid of pretty much anything. B and I would do just about anything for her...go pick up lunch, let her pay later because she was too afraid to use an ATM, we picked up stuff from the grocery store when she forgot something on her ONE shopping trip she could do per week so she didn’t have to be around more people, I walked her outside and across the town square every lunch break because she was afraid of being watched, I went grocery shopping with her after the store re-arranged everything and she was afraid of not finding things and being in there for too long, we would sometimes just bring stuff from our break for all of us just because we were friends. She freezes extremely quickly and has a fan heater in our office...but with my dust allergy that’s nearly impossible for me, the three of us sat together and talked about alternatives. She doesn’t like wearing thick clothes, she doesn’t like scarves, she doesn’t like sweaters or winter boots. We eventually settled on heated pads for her shoes, the door can be closed, the heater can be on but the fan heater has to stay shut off and I get to air out the office every now and then.

Sounds nice, right?

Yes, until you asked her a favour. She would always turn her anxieties to please her, so she didn’t have to do any favours for us. She wouldn’t even take my sick note that was in an envelope from me so I wouldn’t have to send it all the way through the entire town hall which takes a couple of days. Whatever you would ask her, she couldn’t do it for whatever strange reason. But if you’d ask her one favour multiple times, she would always decline it with a different explanation.

The “worst incident” is so dumb but actually apparently big now.

There’s a calendar in our office that I need to set payment deadlines. I can clearly see it but I can’t reach it. Usually our cleaning lady pushes the date farther but that week she was sick. I asked A to please push it to the new date. She proceeded to tell me she couldn’t reach it. And I told her, no she could, we’re the exact same height, she just has to take a tiny step closer. She then ended up acting super dumb and ripped the calendar off. Yeah I was a little annoyed. Told her that now she has to step even closer to put it back on. She suddenly asked me if she couldn’t hang it behind me instead to which I answered that it would be dumb to put it behind me when I need it like 20 times a day and can’t see it there. Anyway that dumb argument went on for 10 minutes and ended in me ripping the calendar from her hands, putting it back on from the exact position she was standing in before and telling her to stop acting stupid. Which I still stand for. That was when the town hall was closed for everyone except employees so to calm down, I put my headphones on and continued my work. Like 10 minutes later I just came back from asking something in the office next door but they needed more info so they came with me, I saw that she was crying. I’m bad with crying people and went to B’s office and asked her to come over to check on her. Which she did. But A didn’t really want to tell us what was going on and eventually told us it wasn’t about the calendar thing but something personal and she’d rather go home. Which she did...that entire thing happened at like 8.45am and she left at 11am. (this is important for the story just go with it)

Anyway, we forgot (or so I thought) about it, continued joking with each other, hung out, we still had lunch together every day and would play uno when everyone else was gone at work. We would talk about work like friends, not like colleagues...we would mock here and there and voice what we hated.

Things at work were sort of tense lately due to several reasons...mostly misinterpretation and misinformation and for whatever reason they projected all that onto B. It was quite weird at work lately. I was always a bit confused why they wouldn’t address their problems with B herself.

We still had the fan heater issue though because she didn’t want any of our agreements anymore, saying it looks stupid and she doesn’t want it. When I came in at work and told her my eyes hurt from the dust, all she said was “oh sorry but I’m cold” and turned it back on. We sometimes butted heads here.

Last friday B had her final day, she got a new job closer to home and she totally deserved it. We were sad and would always go “oh no this is our last time eating chinese together” and all. I prepared an awesome home-made farewell card, bought some nice stuff for her and all. A and I would split our office then and she’d move into the now empty one and it was gonna be nice after all.

But the second B left the parking lot my colleague went “everything’s gonna be better now” and I thought that was so weird. On the weekend she left all our group chats and told us she would explain it to us later. I wasn’t at work on monday because I had handimen at my apartment.

When I came in on Tuesday, not only had A moved out of my office but also taken furniture from my office that I specifically moved into my office this past winter because I needed the space. She had also used my office as sort of a litter bin and put even B’s forgotten drink. It was so weird.

Anyway at 8.30am I get an email inviting us all to a meeting at 9am. I knew something was up when no one reminded me when they already left for the meeting.

So I came in there to be completely shredded apart. It was 4 against 1.

And who started? A started. She started again with the entire lunch thing where I didn’t want to have lunch with all 6 colleagues in my office (hello, corona you dumb fucks). Despite me having explained it a million times before.

Then, here’s the calendar story as she told it with tears in her eyes to our boss:

She was crying so loud that I should have heard her. I had left and entered the office several times and didn’t pay attention to her crying. Then I proceeded to go next door to get my colleague to show him that she was crying and my alibi was showing him a single sheet of paper that didn’t say anything. After THREE hours, we asked her what was wrong with her. And meanwhile we texted with each other and would laugh about her.

She told me she liked joking with us but sometimes they were too much. I asked her why she didn’t say anything and continued laughin with us while the two of us would always say when it went too far. She doesn’t like conflicts, she wasn’t peace. FUCK YOU, YOU WENT TO OUR BOSS FOR SOMETHING WE COULD HAVE HANDLED PRIVATELY.

Anyway, every colleague went on to tell me how awful I am. I am contemptuous, I’m a bully, I don’t have empathy, I mock everyone and show no respect. That went on for 35 minutes, I wasn’t really allowed to tell my version of the stories because A had tears in her eyes and went “I’m not stupid, I know you laughed about me” you know what you little bitch? I didn’t but I lost all respect for you with this move. She knew exactly that I’m the most uncomfortable if I’m unprepared in a room with all colleagues and was the center of attention. I was shaking the entire time, my voice was unrecognisable and I spent the entire morning in my office crying. They turned all those stories the way they pleased them and four against one, I was pretty helpless there. They told me it was all due to B and my friendship with her. No it wasn’t, it was me not being fake polite to you idiots anymore because you didn’t deserve it. A said she did this for her own health, she couldn’t handle the trouble in the air anymore. Oh sweetie...du hinterfotziges kleines Stück Scheiße...like I will ever talk to you again, like we will ever sit together again somewhere and play nice. I despise you with all my heart and I hope karma gets you good! I will never pick up lunch for you again, I will not accompany you anywhere to ease your anxiety and I will never bring anything from the store ever again.

I knew she was gonna stab my back eventually but this was unexpectedly fast.

I talked to B then, proceeded to delete A everywhere and block her. I am never talking to her ever again, luckily we don’t have the identical work. B went on to write her a huge text about how much of a coward she is that she couldn’t address us personally, as friends, and instead cornered me with everyone else when I was alone and most vulnerable. How fake it was to play friends with us just to go on to tell our boss everything the second she gets the chance. How she doesn’t want harmony, she just wants to have the upper hand. Her answer? “I didn’t read that text but we didn’t corner her, we invited her to a meeting. And I didn’t say she was gossiping, someome told me she was gossiping about me“ What kind of a friend believes that a friend gossips about them when they’re sick for one day? B wasn’t in that day, who was I supposed to gossip with? Also I do not talk shit about friends. ever! just to their face for fun. I have met many awful people in my life, but this must be the tip of the iceberg. I have never felt so used by a person that I really went out for and genuinely considered a friend. B told her that we did everything in our might to arrange with all her anxieties and fears but she has to address mine in front of a crowd which is also an anxiety of mine.

I have now scheduled a meeting with my boss on monday where I askedto show her my perspective of the stories told about me. I have so much shit on these guys just on these stories, they just think I’m too chicken to let them out. But if they think I’m going back to being the 15 year old teenager that was bullied and cried every day at school, was afraid of everything and everyone they picked the wrong one. I am done. I fought so hard to be the person I am now. I’m not perfect, I have so many mistakes and shit, but I got so far. If they think they can ruin it by sticking together, I will just take us all down. I have worked in so many different administrations these past years and not a single one has said a bad word about me. I’m still in contact with 90% of the people and when it’s not Corona, I go and check in with them from time to time. I am not letting a coward, a little back-stabbing bitch, an uncapable boss and a whiny rat ruin everything.

The End...to be continued I guess.

We’ll see about my future there once I’ve talked to my boss on monday.

#do not under any circumstances reblog this #personal

2 notes · View notes

shittyfandomimagines · 6 years

Text

Broken Promises

Yeah well my heart was broke but that bitch survived, she’s okay.

Word count: 1,866

Angst with fluff !??

GIF creds to owner

“He’ll be here, I promise.” It felt like an apologetic lie was rolling off my tongue, I mean it was for sure a lie. I have told several people that lie already; the flower shop, the tux renters who called to speak to Calum, and even with his parents who wanted to meet up last week.

The apology side of it came for myself, I had given up on Calum’s help on the wedding stuff. I knew he wouldn’t care what we picked and he would most likely say “it’s just a cake, it’s just some decorations, it’s just flowers.” I wanted him to be excited as he was when he first proposed. He would speak out about what he would like to do and what format, or venue.

I take a deep breath in and just look at my phone once more. “You know what, let’s just do this. I’m sure he can eat any flavor.” I try to joke with her and she seemed to understand my disappointment. I knew our wedding was 2 months away, but this girl is so popular and I wanted her to do the cake. I was lucky to even be here.

“Any flavor we want to avoid?” She asks and I nod quickly. “No red velvet, can’t stand the color or how much it tastes like dye,” I speak and she nods, writing it down on her notepad. “Here is a menu of what our cakes are and their descriptions.” She slides the menu to me and I scan it over.

I wasn’t a huge fan of caramel but I knew Calum liked it. “I want to try the flavored cookie dough cake, salted caramel cake, and the marble cake.” I slide it back to her and she nods again. “Any filling or icing flavors or do you want to just try the ones that usually come with it?” She asks, man I thought this would be the easy task.

“I’ll just stay with what you offer per cake.” I decide and she writes more things down, she starts to walk into the kitchen. After a few minutes, she comes back out with the three cakes.

“This is the cookie dough cake, it is filled with strong vanilla bean buttercream, and it is iced the same as filled, but the flavor won’t be as strong so it doesn’t end up too sweet.” She explains as she slides it over, I pick up the fork that was provided. I absolutely loved this flavor, it was like my childhood dreams came true.

“This is the salted caramel cake. It is filled with brown sugar and almost a coffee flavor, it is topped off with vanilla buttercream.” She points to which one was the cake. I take a bite of it and try to hide my disapproval, I just am not that big of a fan of caramel but I tried it for Calum. I knew in my heart he’d like it so I smile up at her.

“And this one is the marble cake, it is filled with a chocolate mousse and is iced in almond buttercream.” She adds and I eat a bite of it, I honestly loved it. I loved the chocolate chip and the marble one, I knew Calum would like the other.

“How many tiers of cake would I need to feed 250-300?” I ask and she calculated it on her notepad. “At least 4 tiers.” She looks up and I nod. “Okay, I want 1 layer of the caramel, 1 of the cookie dough, and 2 of the marble. I don’t care which order they’re in.” I say and she nods. “What about designing plans?” She asks and I open my phone to find the pictures.

“I absolutely love the piped lace look on the cake, I would want that for all layers. I have my own flowers that can be used, I want the traditional white.” I explain and she was jotting it down, I saw her drawing a sketch. “Okay, is that it?” She asks kindly and I nod. “Yeah, it is. Thank you for this.” I shake her hand and she nods. “My pleasure, I’ll see you in 2 months.” She says and I wave as I walk out.

——

When I walk in, Calum was sitting in front of the tv watching reruns of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. “Afternoon, babe.” He smiles towards me and I didn’t reply, I just walk towards the kitchen. I see dishes piled up and the garbage needed to be taken out soon.

I groan to myself as I load the dishes into the dishwasher. I use the backdoor to shortcut the walk to where the bins were. When I come back in, I could hear Calum talking obnoxiously loud on the phone.

I tried to tune it out as I started to wipe the cabinets down and re-bag the trash can. I start to boil some water and pull out the ingredients for lasagna. I preheat the oven and find the noodles and jarred sauce.

I add the sauce and ground hamburger meat that I had made last night. It took about 15 minutes before I could even begin to layer all of the things. I set my timer for 35 minutes and just lean myself against the counter.

I couldn’t help my mind from racing with all of the annoyance I had built up for Calum. We’re getting married in two months and I have done most of the things by myself. If this is how we’re going to spend our marriage, then I don’t want it.

I hear Calum coming near because I notice that he was saying his goodbyes on the phone. “Something smells amazing in here.” He compliments and stands in front of me. “Thanks,” I mumble and he raises his eyebrows. “Were you home all day?” I ask and he makes a face. “Well, we recorded until 12 and then I came home.” He states and I nod, how fucking great!

It would have been nice if he could’ve picked up a little or remembered our fucking cake appointment.

“Well, that’s great Calum. Glad you had a nice and relaxed day at home.” I sassily remark and he crosses his arms. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” He huffs and I laughed, literally fucking laughed.

“I had to come home and do the dishes, take out the trash, make supper, and clean up the kitchen. I’m sure you didn’t do the laundry so I’ll also do that.” I defend myself and he rolls his eyes. “You’re going to bicker about me not doing the chores? You’re not my mom, y/n.” He chuckles but I could tell it was a condescending one.

“Yeah, I’m not your fucking mom Calum. I am your fiancée. Your fiancée that has planned the wedding alone for and is basically now your maid. You have ignored all the times I’ve told you that we had an appointment. I had to try cakes today alone and the look the chef gave me was sad.” I feel the annoyances boiling over. “Well, that’s just stuff I knew you could handle. There’s no point in me being there.” He shrugs it off and I laughed again.

I would have felt better if he had said that he forgot the appointments instead of choosing not to go.

“Calum, the point of you being there is to support this marriage. It’s supposed to be something we do together so it is blended for the big day.” I try to calm myself back down but he just shrugs once more. “It’s too late to worry now.” He blows it off and I had tears starting to surface.

“Calum, I don’t want to marry you if it’s going to be like this. I can cancel all of the things in a heartbeat, I’m not afraid to either. I don’t have to marry you if our lives are gonna stay in this ‘I don’t give a fuck’ attitude.” I spit and his eyes widen.

“What?” His voice cracks a little and I move my hand away when he tries to clasp ours. “I said that I don’t have to be with you. I’m independent, I don’t have to be a maid who plans a wedding and cooks/cleans at home.” I sass and he stumbled a step back.

It was true, I didn’t have to be with him. Of course, I loved him more than anything and it’d be devastating to not be with him, but mama didn’t raise no bitch.

“I-I didn’t know that you were to that point. You never mentioned that it hurt when I didn’t show up. I just thought that you liked to do it on your own or with your sister.” He mumbles and I hear a tiny sniffle. I had to look towards the ground to avoid seeing him cry, I knew it would have me on my knees begging for forgiveness of what I said.

“I told you multiple times that we had appointments at certain places, you chose to ignore that,” I say and he started to weep, I literally was squeezing my eyes and hands so tight so I wouldn’t run back into his arms.

“You are the love of my life and that’s why I proposed. I know I’ve been slacking and I am sorry that you have been doing this stuff without me. I don’t want to even think about not marrying you or not being with me. I’ve loved you for 3 years and I can’t just not be with you.” He grabs my tightened fist and I relax under his touch.

I didn’t know what to say to his little speech, but I knew in my heart that he was being honest. I look up and all I could see was the tears still flowing down his face.

“Calum, I love you with all my heart and soul. We’ve always had bumps in the road but I need a promise, I need to know that something is going to change. I can’t live as your maid, but I can live as your wife.” I explain and he was nodding so quick. “I promise, I promise on Duke's life and the longevity of 5sos.” He was getting closer. “That’s two big things to swear on.” I chuckle and he was pressed up against me.

“Well, I can’t lose you.” He says while pecking my lips continuously. I wrap my arms around his neck and he pulls me into a tight hug.

“What flavor cakes did you get?” He asks as he puts me down and I smile up to him. “Marble, cookie dough, and salted caramel,” I tell him and his eyes go wide. “You actually tried a caramel cake?” He asks and I nod. “It was nasty to me but I’m sure you’re gonna love it.” I laugh and he was grinning big.

“That’s how you know this is real, you tried something you hate but I like.” He pecks my lips again.

“I feel like there are more factors than just a caramel cake.”

#calum #hood #calum hood #calumhood #calumhoodimagines #calumhoodblurbs #calumhoodmasterlist #calum hood blurbs #calum hood imagines #calum hood masterlist #writing #calumblurbs #calumimagines

91 notes · View notes

101flavoursofweird · 6 years

Text

Title: Autumn Summary: For all the anguish it has brought her, Flora still loves autumn.

Spoilers: For Curious Village, Lost Future, Layton’s Mystery Journey and possible Layton Brothers: Mystery Room.

Characters: Flora-centric with sibling bonding moments between her, Luke, Alfendi and Kat.

Warnings: Hints of PTSD... and Clive Dove isn’t portrayed in the best light in this fic. (Sorry.)

(More below the cut since Tumblr seems to have banished links to the Shadow Realm.)

Autumn

When she lived in St Mystere, she used to call it fall, like her Papa did.

Papa wasn’t fond of fall. He always made sure Flora was bundled up in layers before they went out. On rainy days, he preferred for them to stay inside. The only places Flora could play were in the manor or by her Mama’s grave. There, the flowers bloomed all year round— even when it got cold outside.

Ingrid said it was a magic garden.

“A secret magic garden,” Flora whispered.

Sometimes, she felt a bit like Mary Lennox. Mary got sick after her parents died. She moved to an English Manor House, befriended the servants and discovered a secret garden.

Flora had her own secret garden, but she wasn’t sick and her papa wasn’t dead...

She was sat reading behind her mother’s grave when the doctor came to visit. Not even her favorite books could comfort her then.

Matthew found her crying over The Secret Garden. Gently, he took the book from her and wiped its tear-stained pages with his handkerchief.

“This is an old book,” he mumbled. “Old... and yet, timeless.”

He studied the text for a few moments, searching for the right words. His eyes were shiny— or was that just the reflection from his glasses? Flora had never seen Matthew cry.

He sighed. “Don’t worry. We can fix it— the… the book, I mean.”

He dried her eyes and helped her blow her nose. On their way out, Flora picked some red pom-pom flowers (‘Dahlias,’ Matthew called them) for her papa. They wouldn’t last long in a vase. She put them by his bed anyway and he said they were beautiful.

Papa promised it was ‘just a cold’. Flora knew he was lying. If it was a cold, Papa wouldn’t kiss her in case she caught anything. But he kept kissing her head and talking till he got too tried.

This wasn’t something Flora could catch. She could only wait.

Even after her papa died, she kept saying ‘fall’ and so did the villagers.

It was only when she came to London that she learned most people called it ‘autumn’ in Britain. Luke was the one who corrected her.

The two of them had been walking home from school. (She actually went to the girls’ school but Luke liked to meet her on the way home, even more so when the darker evenings crept in.)

Flora’s day had been fine. The other students and the teachers were helping her settle in, but she still had lots of studying to catch up on since she had started late. That meant extra homework and tutoring sessions with the professor.

Flora let her mind wander. She relied on Luke to lead her up a road lined with horse chestnut trees.

“The trees look so pretty in fall...” Their leaves were either orange like the professor’s shirt, or rusty red like robot gears.

“Fall?”

Luke exclamation pulled Flora from her daydream.

“Um, you know... Fall. After summer, when all the leaves fall off the trees.” She pointed at a pile of leaves beside them on the pavement.

“Oh!” Luke kicked up the leaves. “You mean autumn!”

He was showered with leaves and Flora snickered. “Careful, or you’ll get lost in the leaves!”

Laughing, Luke chucked a ball of leaves at her.

She squealed and swept them off her school uniform. (Rosa had ironed it specially for her!)

“Luke!”

He gasped as if he had mortally wounded her. “Sorry! That was a bit rough—“ He got a face full of leaves. “—Ow... I think you threw a conker at me.”

“Conkers!” Crouching, Flora picked up the spiky green shell. She inspected it as a jeweler would an emerald. “Bruno used to make them for me— I mean, put them on a string— and we had conker tournaments. The villagers always let me win, though...”

Everything had seemed so simple back then. She smiled nostalgically the conker shell.

Beside her, she heard leaves crunching. She turned and her eyes widened.

“Bet you’d never beat me.” Luke was on his knees, holding a conker under her nose. “I was the best conker player in Misthallery!”

Flora’s smile became a smirk. “Really? Is that a challenge?”

Her conker would be... unconquerable. She had everything she needed at home: String, glue, a miniature drill she’d ‘borrowed’ from Bruno...

While she planned her conquest, Luke had been stuffing his satchel and coat pockets with conkers. He leapt to his feet and took off like a greedy squirrel. “Bagsie asking the professor for help first!”

What ever happened to ladies first? “Luke, wait up!”

These days, Luke called it ‘fall’. A warm smile enveloped Flora’s face as she read his latest letter. Who was this mysterious girl he couldn’t stop gushing about…?

Her fantasies of Luke’s possible-girlfriend were dashed by the slam of the front door. Her thirteen-year-old brother squelched into the kitchen. He’d been trying to grow his hair out but he currently looked like a drowned rat.

Flora snorted. “Did you forget your brolly?”

“Did you forget you don’t live here anymore?”

Flora didn’t take offence at the extra dose of venom in his voice. School had just started again and it was coming up to that time of year…

“I had a letter from Luke that I wanted to show the professor.” She stretched in her chair and yawned, “Are your joints meant to feel this stiff in your mid-twenties—?” She caught herself when she realised that, oh lord, she sounded like Dahlia. Dahlia would moan whenever her joints needed oiling or her perfect skin needed a polish or the colour was fading from her hair… All while eighty-year-old Bruno toiled away and Flora continued to age.

With age came agency. With each new trial life threw at her, Flora accepted that she couldn’t fuss over the little things.

This was a lesson Alfendi still had yet to learn.

Having ripped off his waterlogged shoes and his backpack, Alfendi raided the fridge.

“I made pasta salad if you want some—“

“Hell, no.”

“Language.” (Kat was out with their father, but still...)

Alfendi groaned, “Who ate all the leftover pizza?”

“Probably Emmy, if she stopped by.”

Alfendi’s scowling face emerged from the fridge. “Not helping.”

“Don’t snap at me just ‘cause you got caught in the rain,” she retorted.

It wasn’t just that, she knew, but she sat in silence as Alfendi fished a soaking, illegible newspaper out of his pocket and held it up to her. “The forecast said it would be dry today. There was only a 35% chance of rain!”

“They can’t always be accurate.”

“Well, they should be!” He pounded the wet paper into a ball and hurled it at the bin. (It landed just next to the bin with a sad ‘plop’.) “Why can’t the weather just make up its bloody mind?” he snarled, swiping wet hair out of his eyes.

The British weather was beyond Flora’s control, but she could at least do something about Alfendi’s hair. “Give me a minute.”

While Alfendi changed into some dry clothes, she nipped up to Kat’s room to grab a brush and a pink bag of hair accessories.

“This is a waste of time,” Alfendi grumbled. Still, he sat obediently as Flora dragged the brush through his wavy hair, taming it into a low ponytail. She offered to add a purple ribbon, so he’d look like a fairytale prince, to which Alfendi told her something very inappropriate for a prince. He was, at least, satisfied with his ponytail as it was ‘practical’ and kept his hair out of his eyes.

The next time Flora visited the house, she found Alfendi plaiting Kat’s hair. Apparently, a little boy had pulled Kat’s hair at the playground...

“Do you want me to plait your hair next, Al?”

Keeping hold of Kat’s plait, Alfendi turned to glare at Flora. “Get lost. Kat’s going to do my hair.”

“Yeah, get lost, Floor,” Kat said.

The thought of ‘getting lost’ would have terrified Flora years ago. Now, she just burst out laughing.

In October, Alfendi was promoted from hairstylist to ‘Halloween wardrobe stylist’. He helped Kat put together a spooky outfit every day. Some were inspired by Kat’s current fixations: The little witch from her favourite book, Tigger from The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh and Sesame Street’s Cookie Monster. (Kat saw this as an excuse to eat as many cookies as she liked.) Then there were Kat’s villain ‘disguises’, from Descole to Don Paolo. Alfendi drew the line at Bill Hawks. Not because it would be ‘offensive’— Hawks was the butt of many jokes in the Layton household— but because they all knew who came after Bill Hawks.

There had been… impersonators every year since Clive Dove’s attack, rather like the clown craze that followed a certain Stephen King novel. None of them copied Clive’s methods, as far as Flora was aware. They were just out to scare the public. That was traumatic enough if you had suffered at the hands of Clive… but what if you bore a striking resemblance to him?

Much to Kat’s dismay and Flora’s relief, Luke couldn’t make it back for Halloween this year. He was off solving another mystery. Flora hoped he wasn’t alone.

There hadn’t been any ‘Clive Dove sightings’ on the news lately, but Flora still insisted Emmy should go trick-or-treating with Kat and Alfendi. Flora would have accompanied them herself had she not been invited to a Halloween party by Kuri, her closest friend from university. They hadn’t seen each other for months, so Flora was very grateful for Emmy’s assistance. Emmy was over the moon because it meant she got her own share of treats. Alfendi, for once, didn’t argue.

He was content to dress as a vampire rather than some nightmarish movie villain. Kat went as a literal cat, complete with a tail, a cute red bow and bag of garlic to chuck at Alfendi. Emmy was Batwoman.

They all made it home safe and stuffed with sweets. Flora phoned at ten to check on them and to let them know she was staying at Kuri’s flat.

“Enjoy yourself,” Emmy chimed over the phone. Hopefully, Flora’s creepy doll makeup would hide her flushed face from Kuri.

In the following days, Alfendi knew Flora was hiding something, though he didn’t pry.

As soon as the holiday was over, he withdrew to his room. Halloween couldn’t cure the bitterness that had been festering inside him like a pumpkin left to rot.

Flora would take Kat out whenever Alfendi started shouting at their dad. (“WHY DO YOU KEEP VISITING HIM?”)

Bonfire night was the worst.

They had arranged to see the fireworks at Gressenheller. Flora had arrived at the house to find the professor comforting a tearful Kat. Alfendi had snapped at Kat when she kept asking why he wasn’t coming with them.

The professor had tried talking to Alfendi, tried getting him to talk to someone, to no avail. Flora told the professor to go on ahead with Kat. She could handle this.

When she tapped on Alfendi’s door ten minutes later, he barked, “Eff off—!”

“It’s me.”

Silence. Flora waited. She heard a firework explode outside. Then, a smothered whimper from Alfendi.

“Al...” she said softly. “I’m coming in, okay?”

Alfendi didn’t turn her away. She opened the door. Since Flora had moved out, Alfendi had claimed the biggest bedroom. (It stank of coffee now…) She used to tease Alfendi about how he was always holed up in his ‘cave’, but his ‘cave’ was the tidiest area in the house, as opposed to Kat’s toy-strewn room or the professor’s office. It was also very well-lit for a ‘cave’; the ceiling light, the lava lamp and his computer screen were all on.

Alfendi had been lying facedown in his purple beanbag. He sat up awkwardly and Flora saw he was wearing a pair of fluffy white earmuffs.

His eyes were red and his nose was running. Sniffing, he took the earmuffs off and tossed them at Flora. “Can you give these back to Kat?”

Another explosion went off. Alfendi flinched.

She nudged the earmuffs back to him. “You can keep them for now. I’m sure Kat won’t mind.”

“Is she ok?”

“She’ll cheer up when she sees the fireworks.”

He put the earmuffs back on, clamping his hands over them until the next firework had passed. “Weren’t you going with them?” he asked eventually.

The plan had been to meet Kuri there. Flora was going to introduce her to the professor and Kat.

But Flora shook her head at Alfendi. (Kuri would understand— she had practically raised her twin brothers.) “Nope,” she said. “I think The Muppet Movie is on... Want to watch it with me?”

The two of them curled up on the settee and she put the T.V. volume on full-blast. It was so loud that the professor, Kat and Kuri heard The Rainbow Connection on their way home.

Per usual, Alfendi didn’t join them for coffee but he said he would pop over to Flora’s after work. That was... sociable of him.

Kat thought it had something to do with his new assistant, Lucy. Frantically, Flora phoned Kuri and asked her to tidy the living room because Alfendi might be bringing a friend with him. Kuri made no such promises but she would made plenty of stew.

Flora thanked her, hung up and informed Kat they were having stew for dinner.

Kat squinted at Flora over her Pumpkin Spice Latte. “Are you quite sure your wife isn’t a witch?”

Flora chuckled, “Why would you think that?”

This was the question Kat had been hoping for. She launched into a retelling of ‘Katrielle and the Witch Wife’. That spark in her eyes, her exaggerated gestures, the way she took bites out of her chocolate muffin in-between... She looked so much like Luke. Flora remembered him describing his own encounter with a ‘witch’— back when he first met Professor Layton.

That part of their lives, much like Autumn, had ended too quickly. Now, some days, it felt like they were caught in an eternal Winter. The professor was gone, along with Luke. Alfendi was more distant than ever...

But she still had Kat.

Story complete, Kat leapt to her feet. There was a pair of fluffy boots in the autumn sale she wanted to buy. Of course, she secretly hoped Flora would buy them for her. Flora was happy to oblige, because that’s what big sisters do.

#professor layton #flora reinhold #luke triton #Alfendi Layton #Katrielle Layton #matthew #baron reinhold #autumn #PL fanfic #My writing #This is also on AO3 #Slight Flora/OC #fluff and angst #Flora is the best big sister

26 notes · View notes

knightley--phillip · 4 years

Photo

Character Sheet: Phillip Julian Brenton Harris Hubert Knightley

I hear the birds on the summer breeze, I drive fast I am alone in the night Been tryin' hard not to get into trouble, but I I've got a war in my mind So, I just ride

[tw: death mention, drug and alcohol mentions]

Birthday — May 21 1994

Zodiac Sign — Gemini Sun, Libra Moon, Sagittarius Rising

MBTI — ESTP

Enneagram — Type 7

Temperament — Sanguine

Hogwarts House — Slyth Primary, Slyth Secondary

Moral Alignment — True Neutral, veering Lawful actually

Primary Vice — Sloth

Primary Virtue — Patience

Element — Air

Overview:

Mother — Edelgard Bernadetta Annette Dominic Knightley

Father — Hubert Hanneman Ferdinand Caspar Hugo Knightley

Mother’s Occupation — Lady of the House (it’s a hard job, yo)

Father’s Occupation — rich business person landowner investor man

Family Finances — rich

Birth Order — Youngest (ish)

Brothers — Percival (35): an absolute perfect Order son, a suck-up through and through, ambitious, cutthroat, married to a lady who is equally as cutthroat; Peter (33): strong, silent, the least intelligent of the Knightley boys but also the strongest, dotes on his wife (Thomas’s sister!); Paul (28): a womanizer and misogynist, boisterous with little regard to other people’s feelings, easy to get him and Phil confused in terms of behaviour but the key difference is that Phil actually minds how other people perceive him

Sisters — Primrose (died at 13, would be 23)

Other Close Family — various cousins and stuff that I will make up at a later date

Best Friend — his best mates Tom and John (whom he calls Tommy and J)

Other Friends — Ingrid

Enemies — a lot of his peers don’t like him because he’s annoying as shit, but also really talented; no one hated him though

Pets — Samson, his horse

Home Life During Childhood — devoted Order son, family was relatively loving and got along; he was particularly close to his younger sister and doted on her

Town or City Name(s) — somewhere right near Yorkshire

What Did His or Her Bedroom Look Like — dark maroon silk sheets, four poster bed, very ~fancy, all picked out by his mum who made sure everyone’s bedroom reflected the family crest colors

Any Sports or Clubs — Fencing? Probably did a poetry club at his fancy boarding school

Favorite Toy or Game — toy….sword…. Also probably had a hobby horse thing that he was obsessed with before he got his first horse

Schooling — Prince training, probably went to some prep school and did his undergrad in something generic at a fancy place

Favorite Subject — English, specifically creative writing

Popular or Loner — Fairly popular, he makes casual friends easily

Important Experiences or Events — Rosie’s death when he was 15

Nationality — English

Culture — English

Religion and beliefs — Anglican

Physical Appearance:

Face Claim — Robert Pattinson

Complexion — very pale

Hair Colour — brown

Eye Colour — hazel

Height — 6’1

Build — lean and toned, not overtly muscular though

Tattoos — his family crest on one shoulder, also a rose on his forearm for his sister

Piercings — none

Common Hairstyle — absolute chaos

Clothing Style — he puts a lot of thought into his personal style; very Hipster, capital H; not afraid to mix bold prints; everything looks like it’s fished out of a thrift store bin but actually costs thousands of dollars

Mannerisms — gestures with his hands a lot, very expressive face, eyes always a bit dazed and sleepy

Usual Expression —

Health:

Overall (do they get sick easily)? — nope

Physical Ailments — sometimes has a bad shoulder, but is overall fine

Neurological Conditions — Depressed???

Allergies — nah

Grooming Habits — spends time getting his hair to look effortlessly chaotic

Sleeping Habits — gets by on two hours of sleep and feels fine, mostly does not want to sleep bc he is plagued by nightmares from his survivors guilt

Eating Habits — incredibly particular about the quality of his food, only accepts the best, a true gourmand with a refined palette

Exercise Habits — hits the gym pretty regularly

Emotional Stability — oh, not stable at all; he’s about one personal tragedy away from imploding, but he keeps this cheerful facade for the whole world and no one would ever know

Sociability — very outgoing, gets antsy if he's left alone too long

Addictions — jokes that he is one drink away from being an alcoholic

Drug Use — occasionally, but nothing TOO hard, probably like weed and psychedelics mostly, maybe molly every so often

Alcohol Use — see above

Your Character’s Character:

Bad Habits — has never taken anything seriously a day in his life

Good Habits — fiercely loyal, charming, charismatic, crafty

Best Characteristic — his loyalty; he’ll say it’s his charm, but what makes him a good person is his devotion to his loved ones

Worst Characteristic — he’s never ever genuine and holds everyone, even his close friends, an arm’s length away

Worst Memory — Rosie’s death

Best Memory — Probably a late night turned early morning with his mates where they got all sappy and talked about how much they loved one another

Proud of — his friends

Embarrassed by — honestly? Himself lol

Driving Style — fast, erratic, but never gets caught speeding

Strong Points — loyal, fun, spontaneous, skilled, charismatic, crafty, great at lying TBH

Attitude — carefree to the point of being annoying

Weakness — blonde women lol

Fears — Betraying the people he loves

Phobias — Fire

Secrets — a Thing

Regrets — not being able to save Rosie; fucking things up and letting his One True Love get away

Feels Vulnerable When — talking about anything seriously

Pet Peeves — people who are exactly like him because he sees through it lol

Conflicts — his desire to please his family and friends and all he’s ever known vs. the lingering feeling that maybe he doesn’t want to do that

Motivation — have fun

Short Term Goals and Hopes — fulfill his mission, have fun

Long Term Goals and Hopes — he’s really aimless tbh and will just do what the Order tells him to do (ie, get married, produce children, kill Magicks etc)

Sexuality — Mostly straight, we’ll see what shakes

Exercise Routine — p fit, hits the gym regularly

Day or Night Person — night by far

Introvert or Extrovert — Extrovert

Optimist or Pessimist — pessimist

Likes and Styles:

Music — He likes The Smiths a lot, also Lana Del Rey??? Sad, poetic music. Real angsty. A white boy who pretends to think he’s revolutionary for liking this sort of music (though secretly he’s aware how Fake he sounds — and beyond that he secretly still thinks it’s great). Also the type of person where if you ask him to make a playlist for a party he’ll put, like, Baby Shark on it ten times.

Books — Oh, he reads just about everything he can get his hands on. Not super duper a fan of nonfiction, though. Loves poetry and Romantic literature particularly. Big Thomas Hardy fan. Also loves Tolstoy. Anna Karenina is a fave. Loves Edgar Allen Poe too. Big fan of Wuthering Heights.

Foods — A very good foie gras

Drinks — Energy drinks, but also fancy cocktails (though he won’t admit that he prefers a sidecar over a beer)

Animals — horses!!

Sports — loves to keep up with polo and rugby

Social Issues — lol

Favorite Saying — The death of a beautiful woman is, unquestionably, the most poetical topic in the world. and All happy families resemble one another, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.

Color — Red and black, in true Romantic Goth fashion

Clothing — has some like patterned waistcoat that looks like a three year old sewed it together but cost like thousands of dollars

Jewelry — he wears a lot of rings actually

Games — probably Call of Duty and that sorta casual shoot shoot game; games occasionally, probably into like Assassin's Creed or something but wouldn’t call himself a GAMER

Websites — has a fake Sad Poetry Instagram that Barrel reads and genuinely thinks is good; Phil does it as a joke; it’s all written in typewriter with like cigarette ash around it

TV Shows — Probably was into Game of Thrones

Movies — Dead Poets Society, but he’ll tell you it’s Fast and Furious 7

Greatest Want — make his family proud

Greatest Need — forgive himself

Where and How Does Your Character Live Now:

Home — Tortuga with Tommy and J

Household furnishings — scarce, probably came with the house or was standard issue stuff as to not draw too much attention, what it would look like if three single dudes in their twenties moved in together

Favorite Possession — his sword probably

Most Cherished Possession — his journal, some leatherbound thing Rosie got him

Neighborhood — Tortuga

Town or City Name — Swynlake

Married Before — Nah

Significant Other Before — various casual dalliances, nothing serious ever

Children — lol

Relationship with Family — he is very close with all of them, even though there’s definitely some tension. His father puts a lot of pressure on all four boys and the boys themselves tend to scuffle in order to win favor. He used to be close to his mum, but since Rosie’s death, her health has been in decline and he has to tiptoe around her.

Car — they have some non-flashy very covert looking thing r now

Career — grad student

Dream Career — poet

Dream Life — honestly, he doesn’t know, because he doesn’t think he deserves to want anything that his family doesn’t want lol — maybe if he was being truthful to himself, he’d say being a writer and being married to someone hot and not in the Order

Love Life — had a childhood sweetheart named Ingrid, who was the only girl who ever called him out on his bullshit and he was smitten with her, but she is a Dutiful Order Girl and she had an arranged marriage with another family alas

Talents or Skills — he’s actually a solid fiction writer, good at all his Order skills (except archery), very good at horseback writing, good at LYING, reads voraciously

Intelligence Level — High, though he won’t admit it

Finances — Fucking wealthy, mate

#character sheet #about

0 notes

lastsonlost · 8 years

Link

This is an honest, open story from a young woman about her marriage. There are some powerful truths spoken here, worthy of notice and reflection. If you’re married, have ever been married, or plan on getting married eventually, this is for you. From Tickld via Reddit:

My “Aha Moment” happened because of a package of hamburger meat. I asked my husband to stop by the store to pick up a few things for dinner, and when he got home, he plopped the bag on the counter. I started pulling things out of the bag, and realized he’d gotten the 70/30 hamburger meat – which means it’s 70% lean and 30% fat.

I asked, “What’s this?”

“Hamburger meat,” he replied, slightly confused.

“You didn’t get the right kind,” I said.

“I didn’t?” He replied with his brow furrowed. ” Was there some other brand you wanted or something?”

“No. You’re missing the point, ” I said. “You got the 70/30. I always get at least the 80/20.”

He laughed. “Oh. That’s all? I thought I’d really messed up or something.”

That’s how it started. I launched into him. I berated him for not being smarter. Why would he not get the more healthy option? Did he even read the labels? Why can’t I trust him? Do I need to spell out every little thing for him in minute detail so he gets it right? Also, and the thing I was probably most offended by, why wasn’t he more observant? How could he not have noticed over the years what I always get? Does he not pay attention to anything I do?

I suddenly felt terrible. And embarrassed for myself. He was right. It really wasn’t anything to get bent out of shape over. And there I was doing just that. Over a silly package of hamburger meat that he dutifully picked up from the grocery store just like I asked. If I had specific requirements, I should have been clearer. I didn’t know how to gracefully extract myself from the conversation without coming across like I have some kind of split personality, so I just mumbled something like, “Yeah. I guess we’ll make do with this. I’m going to start dinner.”

He seemed relieved it was over and he left the kitchen.

And then I sat there and thought long and hard about what I’d just done. And what I’d been doing to him for years, probably. The “hamburger meat moment,” as I’ve come to call it, certainly wasn’t the first time I scolded him for not doing something the way I thought it should be done. He was always putting something away in the wrong place. Or leaving something out. Or neglecting to do something altogether. And I was always right there to point it out to him.

Why do I do that? How does it benefit me to constantly belittle my husband? The man that I’ve taken as my partner in life. The father of my children. The guy I want to have by my side as I grow old. Why do I do what women are so often accused of, and try to change the way he does every little thing? Do I feel like I’m accomplishing something? Clearly not if I feel I have to keep doing it. Why do I think it’s reasonable to expect him to remember everything I want and do it just that way? The instances in which he does something differently, does it mean he’s wrong? When did “my way” become “the only way?” When did it become okay to constantly correct him and lecture him and point out every little thing I didn’t like as if he were making some kind of mistake?

And how does it benefit him? Does it make him think, “Wow! I’m sure glad she was there to set me straight?” I highly doubt it. He probably feels like I’m harping on him for no reason whatsoever. And it I’m pretty sure it makes him think his best approach in regards to me is to either stop doing things around the house, or avoid me altogether.

Two cases in point. #1. I recently found a shard of glass on the kitchen floor. I asked him what happened. He said he broke a glass the night before. When I asked why he didn’t tell me, he said, “I just cleaned it up and threw it away because I didn’t want you to have a conniption fit over it.” #2. I was taking out the trash and found a pair of blue tube socks in the bin outside. I asked him what happened and why he’d thrown them away. He said, “They accidentally got in the wash with my jeans. Every time I put in laundry, you feel the need to remind me not to mix colors and whites. I didn’t want you to see them and reinforce your obvious belief that I don’t know how to wash clothes after 35 years.”

So it got to the point where he felt it was a better idea — or just plain easier — to cover things up than admit he made a human error. What kind of environment have I created where he feels he’s not allowed to make mistakes?

I know now that what he means is, “this thing that has you so upset is a small detail, or a matter of opinion, or a preference, and I don’t see why you’re making it such a big deal.” But from my end I came to interpret it over time that he didn’t care about my happiness or trying to do things the way I think they should be done. I came to view it like “this guy just doesn’t get it.” I am clearly the brains of this operation.

I started thinking about what I’d observed with my friends’ relationships, and things my girlfriends would complain about regarding their husbands, and I realized that I wasn’t alone. Somehow, too many women have fallen into the belief that Wife Always Knows Best. There’s even a phrase to reinforce it: “Happy wife, happy life.” That doesn’t leave a lot of room for his opinions, does it?

It’s an easy stereotype to buy into. Look at the media. Movies, TV, advertisements – they’re all filled with images of hapless husbands and clever wives. He can’t cook. He can’t take care of the kids. If you send him out to get three things, he’ll come back with two — and they’ll both be wrong. We see it again and again.

What this constant nagging and harping does is send a message to our husbands that says “we don’t respect you. We don’t think you’re smart enough to do things right. We expect you to mess up. And when you do, you’ll be called out on it swiftly and without reservation.” Given this kind of negative reinforcement over time, he feels like nothing he can do is right (in your eyes). If he’s confident with himself and who he is, he’ll come to resent you. If he’s at all unsure about himself, he’ll start to believe you, and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Neither one is a desirable, beneficial outcome to you, him or the marriage.

Did my husband do the same to me? Just as I’m sure there are untold numbers of women who don’t ever do this kind of thing to their husbands, I’m sure there are men who do it to their wives too. But I don’t think of it as a typical male characteristic. As I sat and thought about it, I realized my husband didn’t display the same behavior toward me. I even thought about some of the times I really did make mistakes. The time I backed into the gate and scratched the car? He never said a word about it. The time I was making dinner, got distracted by a call from my mom, and burned it to cinders? He just said, “We can just order a pizza.” The time I tried to put the new patio furniture together and left his good tools out in the rain? “Accidents happen,” was his only response.

I shuddered to think what I would have said had the shoe been on the other foot and he’d made those mistakes.

So is he just a better person than me? Why doesn’t he bite my head off when I don’t do things the way he likes? I’d be a fool to think it doesn’t happen. And yet I don’t remember him ever calling me out on it. It doesn’t seem he’s as intent as changing the way I do things. But why?

Maybe I should take what’s he always said at face value. The fact that these little things “really don’t matter that much to him” is not a sign that he’s lazy, or that he’s incapable of learning, or that he just doesn’t give a damn about what I want. Maybe to him, the small details are not that important in his mind — and justifiably so. They’re not the kinds of things to start fights over. They’re not the kinds of things he needs to change about me. It certainly doesn’t make him dumb or inept. He’s just not as concerned with some of the minutia as I am. And it’s why he doesn’t freak out when he’s on the other side of the fence.

The bottom line in all this is that I chose this man as my partner. He’s not my servant. He’s not my employee. He’s not my child. I didn’t think he was stupid when I married him – otherwise I wouldn’t have. He doesn’t need to be reprimanded by me because I don’t like the way he does some things.

When I got to that point mentally, it then made me start thinking about all the good things about him. He’s intelligent. He’s a good person. He’s devoted. He’s awesome with the kids. And he does always help around the house. (Just not always to my liking!) Even more, not only does he refrain from giving me grief when I make mistakes or do things differently than him, he’s always been very agreeable to my way of doing things. And for the most part, if he notices I prefer to do something a certain way, he tries to remember it in the future. Instead of focusing on those wonderful things, I just harped on the negative. And again, I know I’m not alone in this.

If we keep attempting to make our husbands feel small, or foolish, or inept because they occasionally mess up (and I use that term to also mean “do things differently than us”), then eventually they’re going to stop trying to do things. Or worse yet, they’ll actually come to believe those labels are true.

In my case it’s my husband of 12+ years I’m talking about. The same man who thanklessly changed my car tire in the rain. The guy who taught our kids to ride bikes. The person who stayed with me at the hospital all night when my mom was sick. The man who has always worked hard to make a decent living and support his family.

He knows how to change the oil in the car. He can re-install my computer’s operating system. He lifts things for me that are too heavy and opens stuck jar lids. He shovels the sidewalk. He can put up a ceiling fan. He fixes the toilet when it won’t stop running. I can’t (or don’t) do any of those things. And yet I give him grief about a dish out of place. He’s a good man who does a lot for me, and doesn’t deserve to be harassed over little things that really don’t matter in the grand scheme of things.

It takes two to make a partnership. No one is always right and no one is always wrong. And you’re not always going to see eye-to-eye on every little thing. It doesn’t make you smarter, or superior, or more right to point out every little thing he does that’s not to your liking. Ladies, remember, it’s just hamburger meat.

#us #abuse #wo #woman #feminism #black people #black tumblr

10K notes · View notes

fooljshgirl · 7 years

Text

50 more interesting questions tag!

Rules: Fill this out and tag at least one person you’d like to know more about! Or just fill it out! Or don’t! Answer only some of them! Who am I to tell you what to do? Anything goes! tagged by @dear-mrs-otome (thank you for making this questionnaire!) and @slbp-owns-ayame! thank u for making me feel included, friends💓 i’ve crossed some questions out, mainly cos i’m too unfocused to answer them or cos i couldn’t think of an answer 😅

1. What kind of food can’t you stand?:

indian food, sadly ): i’ve had it once or twice and have therefore concluded that the spice is too much for me. i like their roti and naan, though!

2. If you could choose one minor inconvenience to never have to deal with again, what would you pick?:

shaving & waxing, definitely. i’m hairy as hell but i don’t want to shave any other part than my intimates and underarms cos apparently once you shave or wax, the hair grows thicker and i definitely don’t want to deal with that.

3. Have you got any useless talents?:

4. If you could be really really good at one thing, what would it be?:

i’d love to master how to counter being unproductive. this is a serious issue for me and i Don’t Know What To Do anymore.

5. Name a few people you think are extremely good-looking:

Kim Namjoon, Nam Joo Hyuk, Lee Min Ho, Cody Ko.

6. What was your favorite way to pass the time as a kid?:

drawing! i loved it then. my dad even got me a book on how to draw in anime style when i was around 10 or 11.

7. What is something you’re proud of?:

i got paid for a few published articles recently! i wasn’t expecting to, but am really proud of myself for it anyway.

8. What’s one character flaw in people that you just can’t tolerate?:

attention-seeking 100%. especially if the person is just doing it to ‘fit in’. i find it really cringey and frankly unsavory. don’t do things you don’t want to do just to feel cool!!!!!!!

9. Do you consider yourself to be more of a leader or a follower?:

a leader, tbh. i’d like to think i’m good at planning and motivating people to get moving on their tasks. as a follower, i always have suggestions as to how to make the plan more feasible, and eventually end up becoming the leader anyway.

10. What kind of student are/were you?:

i used to be a great student, a teacher’s dream lmao but now i guess i’m still the same, it’s just overshadowed by my laziness and inability to recognize urgency.

11. Butterfly effect question! Has there ever been a seemingly minor decision you’ve made (at the time) that ended up having a profound influence on your life?:

12. Name your most irrational fear/aversion:

I HATE BUGS AND INSECTS THEY ARE THE ONLY THINGS IN THIS WORLD I WILL HATE apparently this is called entomophobia

13. Are there any fictional characters you find especially relatable?:

14. If you drink, what kind of drunk are you? Alternatively, what sort of person are you at parties?:

i’m a quiet, spaced out drunk. i look like the type to fall asleep at any moment, but i’d liven up the moment you talk to me. at parties, i’m usually one of those people at the sidelines, just watching the others at the beginning. at the end, i’m with my friends doing something we’d most likely get suspended for lol

15. Do you fall in love easily? Or does it usually take a long time for you to trust someone?:

it depends on the person, i think. i catch feelings fairly easily if i think you’re cute, but actually falling in love would take prob a year from me, at least. i give my trust out quickly, but it’s not the kind of trust where i’d tell you all my deepest thoughts. it’s more of a, “yeah i’ll take you at your word, i don’t generally think you’’re shady” kind.

16. Would you rather have one close friend or 100 casual friends?:

aaaaaaaaaaaa i’m torn! talking to one person all day all the time can be tiring and draining, but having a ton of casual friends means not rly having someone to vent to, or someone to bounce ideas off of. i guess right now, i’m leaning towards the latter, simply because if you have a hundred casual friends online, it’ll be less awkward to talk about ‘deep’ things because chances are, you don’t know each other in real life lol

17. Do you consider yourself to be more of a slob or a neat-freak?:

both!!! i can be very organized and clean in the beginning, but then i get lazy to put whatever it is back to where i got it and i end up having a moderately organized messy work table.

18. Describe a place (imaginary or real) that you would find incredibly cozy:

sunlight pouring in through the slits of the window shades, making the room less dim. a white comforter on white sheets and black pillows, my laptop on top and hot tea on the bedside table, along with my phone. the air conditioner is on, the temperature matches perfect sweater weather. alternatively, cold wind blows in through the window.

19. Do you have kids? If not, do you want them someday?:

i don’t, and sometimes i think i want two of them! but who knows, everything changes.

20. What was your favorite book as a child?

it’s more of a series; the Berenstain Bears! Mercer Mayer’s Little Critter is a close runner-up.

21. Name one thing you just don’t get what all the hype is about:

buying official band merch! while i understand that it’s because they’re your idols, coming from someone who’s been a hard stan of a particular band for more than two years, once you grow out of them, you’re going to realize how much money you’d spent that could’ve gone to a better place. i just realized this still applies to me cos of slbp shut up

22. Name one thing that you think is tragically underrated:

it’s more of a person, actually; Cody Ko! i find his YouTube videos extremely funny, plus he’s cute lol

23. If you had to be glued to a person for a month, real or fictional (who you have never met), who would you choose?:

24. What’s something you’d like the chance to do someday?:

get into medical school and get my license, despite our financial stance. i always thought being a doctor or a lawyer was boring, but now being a doctor has a certain appeal to me. i’d love to help people through their sicknesses and help them feel and be better.

25. Do you typically speak your mind when you have a controversial opinion? Or do generally prefer to not rock the boat?:

i almost always speak my mind, and generally push aside any hesitance if it’s ‘controversial’, except of course if i don’t know much about what the issue is. i only choose to stay quiet when i know my opinion isn’t going to get through to whoever it is i’m talking to.

26. What’s the dumbest fad you’ve been caught up in?:

the grunge, all black hype of 2014 kjfjkdkjfdkjdfs i still cringe

27. What’s something you thought was cool as a kid/adolescent, but now cringe at yourself for?:

my answer @ #26 )))):

28. What’s a trait you consider to be very admirable?:

being able to still be yourself or stand up for your morals despite getting shit on for it, definitely.

29. Is there a particular kind of item people always tend to give you as gifts? (For instance, people always get you things with ducks on them because you like ducks, etc.):

it’s usually either clothes or money, which i am 10/10 grateful for every time

30. Do you speak multiple languages? Which ones?:

i speak two, mainly; english and my native language!

31. Would you rather live in the big city or the countryside?:

big city, no hesitation.

32. Has there ever been something you were certain you’d hate, but ended up loving?:

kpop tbh. i used to be a lowkey hater when i was in elementary (but would jam out to them when i was alone), but loOK AT ME NOW

33. Do you mind being the center of attention, or do you prefer the spotlight to be on someone else?:

i’m alright with either, but prefer being at the back making things work for whoever’s on stage.

34. Favorite holiday?:

my birthday duh

35. Are you a more go-with-the-flow type of person, or do you need to have things planned meticulously?:

i like going with the flow, but would feel much more comfortable if there were some constants in the said flow.

36. Is there something you loved so much you wish you could forget it and experience it all over again? (A tv show, book, series–anything.):

37. What hobbies do you have?:

i LOVE reading and learning more about astrology. i’ve gotten into tarot recently because of it!

38. If you could have a superpower, but it was only mildly useful, what ability would you want to have?:

being able to shoot trash in the bin with 100% precision every time. imagine throwing your waste five meters away from where the bin is? less walk time, amazing

39. Something people are always surprised to learn about you:

“she’s not a bitch after all...” sike i am

40. Something that took you way too long to figure out:

pretending to be someone you aren’t only hurts you in the end.

41. Worst injury you’ve had?

i don’t know if this counts, but i swallowed a fish bone when i was in elementary and almost had to go into surgery to get it out of my throat lol

42. Any morbid fascinations?:

i am and always will be in love with crime shows like Criminal Minds or CSI.

43. Describe your sense of humor:

honestly i laugh at almost anything. i can find something to laugh at during someone’s funeral 💀

44. If you had to be born in another era/place, which would you choose?:

45. Something you are irredeemably bad at:

F O C U S I N G❗️❗️❗️❗️ i always have at least three things on my mind at all times it’s exhausting

46. Something that sucked but you’re glad you went through:

i was able to get out of an abusive relationship late last year and i am extremely grateful it happened. i’m still hesitant to continue contact with the other party, but we’re getting there.

47. Would you rather have a really godawful ugly tattoo in a place that is only slightly inconvenient to conceal with clothing (upper arm, thigh, etc.), or the coolest, most beautiful tattoo ever in the middle of your face? (Neither tattoo can be removed or concealed with makeup, and the ugly tattoo will deeply offend anyone who sees it.):

i’d have freckles around my nose and cheek area as the really pretty tattoo on my face, so joke’s on you!!!!!!!!

48. Are you more of an optimist or a pessimist?:

optimist, for sure. i can always see the bright side of things.

49. What would be the most flattering compliment someone could give you?:

“you really put your all into this and did a great job, you deserve this!”

50. Something you feel people often misunderstand about you:

i think it’s more of some people underestimate how smart i am, and it doesn’t bother me at all lol think me dumb all u want let’s see who’ll be laughing when i get ur ass beat

tagging @kanashi-konpyuta @hajeema @wrapmons @yoosungshoodie @dirties @regretful-otome @atroniascreamsube ~

#U GUYS TAGGED ME IN THIS LIKE A WEEK AGO IM SO SORRY THIS IS LATe #tags

6 notes · View notes

ramrodd · 6 years

Text

How has your experience at the VA changed since Trump has shaken the department up?

The VA has everything it needs to be a world-class wellness system except people with priorities other than military service who care. Money talks.

COMMENTARY:

It’s actually gotten worse, but I’m not sure that can be blamed on Mr. Trump. There are more patients being seen, but the budget allotted to the VA is not keeping pace with the increase in patients.

Veterans Choice—which was implemented under President Obama—was poorly implemented and Mr. Trump’s VA Secretaries have not audited and adjusted the program properly. It typically runs out of money by May or June. Part of the reason for this is exemplified in my experience—and the reason I refuse to use Veterans Choice today: civilian providers under Veterans Choice are permitted to charge the VA (which means they’re charging the taxpayer) up to 4x the local rate for care. My local VA eye clinic is consistently overbooked—once again, too many patients, not enough doctors. It was known for several years (since I was 35) that I had cataracts that were the result of the same trauma that caused my TBI (and that was how I learned that if your head gets rattled around hard enough, it is indeed possible to get cataracts at a young age). When the VA couldn’t get me in within 30 days for my annual eye exam, they sent me out on Veterans Choice.

Morgan Freeman narration: The veteran did not get any choice.

They picked a random doctor within ten miles of my house, made the appointment, and off I went. I walked in, did my little puff of air in the eye to check for glaucoma, looked in some contraption, and five minutes later, the doctor came in and said she would not continue with the exam because I had cataracts. They sent me on my way back to the VA, but not before having me sign a copy of the bill they were submitting: $400. For five minutes. The average cost of an eye exam in my area is $89, with the most expensive eye doctors charging $139. This lady charged the taxpayer $400 to not even do the exam! No wonder Veterans Choice runs out of money halfway through the year & the Obama Administration was looking to scrap it entirely.

Since Mr. Trump took office, my local VA hospital has begun to use systems that were phased out during the Bush and Obama administrations. They were phased out a decade-plus ago because they were slow and inefficient. Now, they’re back in use and my local VA hospital, which was once a fairly efficient and not horrible experience as VA hospitals go, is a nightmare of bureaucratic inefficiency and waste.

As an example, our pharmacy here used to have you in and out in 20 minutes—30 on a busy day. Now (just since 2017, mind you), may the odds be ever in your favor if you have to fill a prescription. If you’re lucky, you’ll be there for 30 minutes after taking a number just to get them started on your prescription. That’s on a good day. Many times, it’s an hour. If you’re renewing, you’ll have to listen to a pharmacy tech carry on about how it’s against policy to refill prescriptions at the pharmacy—that’s only supposed to be done by mail (and screw you if you’re out of heart medication!). Once they’ve made sure you’re physically there and that the orders are in the computer, then they’ll fill the prescription—you’ll be waiting at least another 20–30 minutes on a good day. On a busy day, just tell them to mail it to you, because they’re probably going to put it in the “to be mailed” bin anyway. Since Mr. Trump “improved” the VA, picking up medicine is at least an hour, closer to an hour and a half—and that’s on a day that they’re moving things along quickly. Before the “improvements,” it was 20 minutes. But again, that could be down to a case of too many patients and not enough money in the budget.

Clinicians have to account for every penny they spend at my local VA, so they have to justify every test ordered, every medication prescribed. Doesn’t matter if the patient shows every symptom of “x,” if it’s cheaper to treat for “y,” you treat for “y” and hope for the best unless there’s absolutely no way you can avoid the expense of testing and treating for “x.” Because of this, the Patient Advocate’s office at my VA always has people waiting and has had to hire on two more staff this year because patients are having to go to the Patient Advocate’s office to force VA physicians to provide basic care. I note only minor issues here because this answer is already absurdly long. If I included specifics of my own healthcare that I have had to literally fight for in the past two years alone (not counting the years I have fought prior to that—like being told by neurology residents that a spinal cord injury was “just migraines” and that “not all migraines feel like a normal migraine.” I now refuse to see residents at all, ever. Period), non veterans would be horrified. Suffice to say, despite the scandals in the press, the VA has not learned its lessons.

Again… is this because of Mr. Trump’s “improvements” or is it coincidence? I can’t say. I can say that the marked change for the worse at my local VA has only occurred since Mr. Trump “improved” the VA, but since correlation does not necessarily equal causation, I cannot definitively say that these disastrous effects are due to Mr. Trump—because the wheels move so slowly at the VA, these things could have been in progress for some time and simply happened to coincide with Mr. Trump’s plans for “improving” the VA. However, if these changes are part of (or the entirety of) Mr. Trump’s plan for improving the VA, they are a colossal failure.

K Cummins on Quora

#transformingamericafirst

0 notes

machetelanding · 7 years

Link

I asked, “What’s this?”

“Hamburger meat,” he replied, slightly confused.

“You didn’t get the right kind,” I said.

“I didn’t?” He replied with his brow furrowed. ” Was there some other brand you wanted or something?”

“No. You’re missing the point, ” I said. “You got the 70/30. I always get at least the 80/20.”

He laughed. “Oh. That’s all? I thought I’d really messed up or something.”

He seemed relieved it was over and he left the kitchen.

I shuddered to think what I would have said had the shoe been on the other foot and he’d made those mistakes.

#abuse #abusive relationships #men #women #partnership #anti feminist #anti feminism #anti sjw #revelations #realization #wives #husbands #couples #important #aha moment

13 notes · View notes

ewritesthangs · 8 years

Text

Pregnancy Scare

A/N:: anonymous asked: can you do a jack and conor younger sister who thinks shes pregnant and I buy a test but jack finds it and confronts the rest of the boys(conor, josh girlfriends) mikey makes a joke that It could be mine but conor and jack say that I’ve never had a boyfriend and that I’m a virgin but I’m not and joe knows because It with him, joe messages me privately to get the test back later, conor sees me and comforts me and asks me why I have It and I tell him, jack overhears and gets protective. (no baby)

I am kind of changing up the plot a little. This was a little confusing to really read. But here is an imagine. School has been beating my ass with a bat. I hope you guys like it. It is not my best.

Maynard imagine

You were Jack and Conor’s little sister. You were only a little younger than Jack. Jack had decided to move in with you (you also asked him to so you could have help with rent.). You were out to lunch with your best friend while the lads were hanging out. Alex, Mikey, Conor, Josh, Joe, Caspar, and Jack. All at yours and Jack’s place. They were having a day for filming and playing FIFA. (Lord knows they love that game) Conor was in the guest/Jack’s bathroom showering because one of the videos was Say it or wear it. So that left Jack to use your bathroom. Jack was using it when he saw what he thought he would never see, a pregnancy test. He didn’t look at the results, just saw that you had a pregnancy test in the garbage bin. They guys were all having a laugh when Jack comes out, his face drained of color.

“Guys, I just found this test in Y/N’s bathroom.” He looks up at the guys and the guys all gasp. All except Joe, who is your boyfriend. Nobody knew about you guys because you wanted to keep it a secret until you knew it was the right time to tell. Joe did however make it look like he was surprised as well. To make it look like he had no idea.

Then the guys decided it was a brilliant idea to joke about it.

“It’s mine mate.” Said Alex.

“The baby is mine.” Mikey said, laughing, and slapping his knee

“Guys this isn’t a joking matter. My little sister has never had a boyfriend let alone has she ever had sex! Both are not aloud to happen! Not until she is at least 35.” Jack says, crossing his arms.

“Mate, she is an adult. She can make her own choices. Maybe it’s not even hers.” Joe pipes in.

“Most of her friends are us guys and the others rarely come over. They usually go out. I think.” Jack says, looking at his feet. “I don’t even know my own little sister anymore.” He sounds sad. All this time Conor was listening, getting upset as well. His little sister never told either of them she was seeing anyone. They tell each other practically everything.

You were out shopping when you got a text from My Thatcher💛. Ja

ck found the test. I think he is upset. We should tell him. Together.

You sigh sadly and text back quickly saying you agree. You wish he didn’t find out this way. And you didn’t want to upset you brothers. You got another text from The Talented Brother🎙

Come home now, we need to talk. Family meeting.

You groan and then check out. This was going to be a bad meeting. Conor had decided to get rid of the boys.

Joe stayed in the lobby of the complex to wait for you. You arrived and saw Joe. He looked worried. You walk in. “Hey.” You say, not knowing what else to say. You were nervous as hell.

“This is going to be interesting.” He says, rubbing the back of his neck. You just nod and walk up to your apartment. He follows but stays outside. Walking in, you see your brothers standing there, it looked like an intervention.

Trying to lighten the mood you say, “Is this an intervention? I swear I didn’t spend that much.”

“Y/N this is not a joking matter. What is this?” Conor says as Jack holds up the test.

“It’s a uh pregnancy test.” You say, looking at the ground.

“Why didn’t you tell us you thought you were pregnant? Whose is it?” Conor interrogates you.

“Guys! Sit down, I will explain everything okay?” You all sit down. You text Joe to come in. “So for about 3 months, I have been seeing Joe. *Joe walks in* We kept it a secret because well I didn’t know how serious it would get. But then I hadn’t gotten my period. So I freaked out. I am not a virgin anymore, I am sorry guys. I am growing up.” They seemed calm but then hurt. “It wasn’t that I didn’t want to tell you guys! I was so scared. Joe is my first serious boyfriend and he is your best mate. I just didn’t want to make it awkward or anything. You try to explain yourself more.

“You should have told us! Now I have to kill him!” Conor said, glaring at Joe.

“Hey, give her a break Con. She has a point. I can see her perspective. She didn’t want to worry us or make it awkward. This doesn’t really help that we are finding out about the relationship from a pregnancy test but at least we know about it now.” Jack holds Conor down, trying to calm him down.

“Conor, look at me.” You grab his face to make him look into your eyes. “I may be growing up ConBon but I will always always be your little sister. The one who played instruments with you when Jack couldn’t cause he wasn’t as coordinated. *”HEY!”-Jack* I will always be here. I am not pregnant. I will tell you from now on if something major like this comes up. You do not need to worry all the time. Joe has some of that now.”

He seems to calm down and then he holds your arms. “I know I just- its hard to believe my little helper is growing up. You and I have a special bond. I just don’t want you to feel heartbreak.” He kissed your forehead and sighs. “But you need to learn. But I don’t think you will with Joe. He is a good guy. Super sweet.” Y

ou nod and laugh. “Yes he is.”

“So no hurting her anymore than you have.” Conor points his finger, insinuating your deflowering. You slap your forehead and shake your head.

“Thank the lord this went better than I thought it would.” Jack said, wiping off fake sweat from his forehead.

#jack maynard #jack maynard imagine #conor maynard #conor maynard imagine #joe sugg #joe sugg imagine

60 notes · View notes

intimatevoid · 7 years

Text

*casuallys steals yet another one from @notfinlandjosswhedon*

1. Did the last type of shoes you wore have laces? They sure did. 2. How much money did you spend yesterday? None. I’m broke. 3. Are you CPR certified? Used to be, but it expired. 4. What genre is your favorite movie? Hard to say. I don’t really watch many movies. Maybe action, or comedy if it’s genuinely funny. 5. Are you messaging anybody right now? Sorta on and off, one person.

6. Do you like the picture on your license/I.D. card? It’s not a bad photo, for once.

7. What’s your favorite thing to snack on while watching a movie? I don’t really snack while watching movies. 8. When was the last time somebody hit on you? Oof, it would have been a long time ago. Maybe when Seb and I started getting involved with each other. Not many people hit on me. 9. What was the gender of the last person you met? I met several people together, of at least three different genders. 10. Which one of your friends do you feel most comfortable around? All-time, Dusty and Chloe. IRL, Sage and Ruin. I don’t do “one”s when it comes to friends. 11. Do you own a map of the world? Only on my phone. 12. What brand is your underwear? Just cheap kmart underwear.

13. Is the light on in the room you’re in? Yeah. 14. Who did you last spoon with? That would be Ash. 15. Are you currently watching TV? I don’t own a TV. 16. Have you ever had surgery or stitches? Yeah. Most recently, I had some small benign cysts cut out from my corners of my eyes. The stitches I got from that looked fucking cool. 17. Do you own any clothing that has animal print? Nope.

18. Does your family eat dinner together? Usually Ash and I eat dinner together, but sometimes we fend for ourselves. 19. Where do you work? I don’t work right now. 20. Are you in high school? Hell no, thank the lord. 21. Do you have a TV in your room? I don’t have a TV at all. 22. Are any of your electronics charging right now? My phone.

23. What was the last video game you played? That would be Warframe.

24. What did you last put on a piece of toast? Butter, cheese, and egg.

25. What did you put in your last smoothie? I’ve never, ever made a smoothie.

26. What stores would you say you buy from the most? Probably Aldi. I don’t have a great deal of money to spend.

27. What’re some TV shows that you would like to get into? There are so many things on my netflix list.

28. Is there a movie you’d like to see? The Void. Apparently it’s a fun eldritch horror.

29. What’s the most recent email in your inbox? I keep my inbox clear. Couldn’t tell you what came in last.

30. What’s the last thing you Googled? "how to propagate mint”

31. What was the last thing you watched on Netflix or Hulu? The Good Place.

32. Do you follow any celebrities on Twitter? No, just some friends.

33. What was the last flavor of pudding or yogurt you ate? I legit have no idea. It’s been way too long for me to remember.

34. What color are your shirt and pants? My shirt is red, my trackies are grey.

35. What color were the last pair of shoes you wore? Black and green.

36. Anything exciting coming up? Sage is coming to stay at mine on Tuesday. It’s not for a happy reason, but it’ll be nice to see you.

37. What numbers does your password on here have? How about get fucked

38. This time tomorrow, what will you be doing? Probably sleeping.

39. Would you rather get money or gift cards for your birthday? Money, for sure. 40. Have you ever texted a landline phone by accident? No idea. 41. Have you ever spoken to a detective before? Yeah, briefly, after the 2011 floods. 42. What colour is your garage? I don’t have a garage. 43. Have you ever played laser tag? No, just paintball. 44. Do you pick out your outfits for the next day the night before or the AM? If I’m preparing for something the following morning, then I always lay my clothes out the night before. I’ve been doing it since school. It’s the only thing that helps manage my executive dysfunction. 45. Do you wear earrings? Even better, I wear tunnels. 46. Is your wifi protected? Yes because this is not 2007. 47. What did you have for lunch today? Noodles. 48. Does your phone have a cover on it? Just a thin plastic covers. 49. What colour was your swim suit this year? I don’t own a swim suit. I haven’t ever felt safe owning a swim suit before. Lotta personal history blocking me there. 50. How many bedrooms does your house have? 2. 51. Do you have any pictures of you and your friends in your bedroom? A couple, I think.

52. Did you and your family go on many road trips when you were younger? Not really. Doing anything as a group with a family of 13 is a difficult task, let alone moving them anywhere for a purpose, let alone moving them for its own sake.

53. Do you own any Funko Pop! figurines? Hell fucking no.

54. How many cats and dogs have you had as pets in your lifetime? My family’s owned 3 cats, 1 of which was mine. And 4 dogs, none of which were miine.

55. Can your mom and/or dad play any instruments, or how about anyone else in your family? Nobody in my family has ever been musically inclined. Clare played flute in high school and Tina played a little guitar, but I’m the only person who’s ever stuck with music. And even then, barely.

56. What’s your favorite colour and what items do you own in that colour? My favourite colour is purple and I own no purple clothes. 57. What brand or designer is your purse and/or wallet? It’s just a cheap no-name brand that I got second hand. 58. Can you crack crab legs without a tool? I’ve never eaten crab legs before. 59. How many light sources are in the room you’re in? One lightbulb, my mouse, and my computer screen.

Before (first line) and After (second line), 2 years ago; Today

60. How old is the last person you kissed? 24. 35.

61. What is the last movie you watched? Pfft, as if I remember that. I watched Arrival last night.

62. Are you happy? *noncommittal shrug* With myself, yes. With my world, no.

63. What’s one thing that you really want to do? Continue my transition. Move to a bigger house.

64. Is your cell phone right by you? It usually sat on the arm of my couch. It’s almost always within arm’s reach.

65. What are you wearing on your feet? How fucking good do you think my memory from 2 years ago is? Nothing.

66. Did you ever waste too much time during the day? I get up, I work, I go home, I sleep. No time to waste. Define “waste”. Fuck you.

67. Do you like cuddling? Yes. I need it like I need air.

68. Do you sleep with one leg out from under the covers? Depends on the weather Usually, yes

69. Where’d you get the shirt your wearing now? I don’t know what I was wearing 2 years ago. Online from some derby fan store.

70. Did you get at least eight hours of sleep last night? Usually I made sure I did, so that I wasn’t too tired for work. Yes.

71. When is your next long road trip? *shrugs* I have no road trips planned.

72. Ever kissed someone who’s the first name starts with an “A” or “C”? Yes and yes. Still yes and yes. A couple of new A’s but no new C’s.

Just regular questions again:

73. Do you have a common first name? Fairly common.

74. Do you like your middle name or your first name more? I like both equally. ‘S why I picked them. ^_^

75. What year would/did you turn 21? 2013.

76. Can you see your veins through your skin? Yeah, I’m white as they come.

77. Would you rather live in an apartment or a duplex? I’ve only ever lived in apartments. I quite like them.

78. Do you like spicy chips? Not particularly.

79. Do you wear more pink or yellow? I don’t think I own any clothing of either colour.

80. What’s the last thing you bought besides food/drink? I think it would have been some bin bags.

81. Who scheduled your last doctor visit? Me.

82. What’s the last funny movie you watched? Probably the K-On!! movie. Although that was more cute than funny.

83. Can you remember your parents’ birthdays? Pfft, I barely remember my OWN birthday.

84. What is the design on your shirt? A kitty wearing a helmet and roller skates, with the worsds “roller derby cathletes”.

85. What is the origin of your last name? I took it after someone I care dearly about.

86. What piercing do you like most on the people you are attracted to? Tongue for sure. Gods, that one just slays me.

87. What country do you live in? Australia.

88. Did/do you ride the bus to and from school? In high school, yeah.

89. What band would you stand in line for 24 hours to see? Literally none of them.

90. If you were in a band, which role would you be? Probably guitar, but I’d love to learn drums.

91. Would you ever consider prostitution as an occupation? I think I’d be pretty awful at it, since I don’t like sex.

92. If you could relive one year of your life, which would it be? None of them. That’s literally my worst nightmare.

93. What makes your heart beat faster? Attractive people getting close to me

94. Are you a one night stand or serious relationship type person? I’m not really a one night stand person at all, given my disinterest in sex. But my sense of a “seriously relationship” is highly subjective and customisable based on the person it’s with. So, the latter, but it depends.

95. What is the one thing that you need to do to die happy? For me, it’s more something I need to continue doing, and it would be

96. What’s the riskiest thing you’ve ever done? I drove home one morning after a party, and while I didn’t realise it at the time, in hindsight, I think I was still drunk from the night before. That was probably pretty risky.

97. What’s your standard excuse for not doing something? I don’t feel like it. On the other hand, because of my mental illness, there is a major difference between me not wanting to do something and me not being ABLE to do something. Don’t get them confused.

98. What is one moment you wish you could have taken a picture of? Pretty much all the good bruises I got from my time playing roller derby.

99. What place holds the most memories for you? Sadly, my old workplace. And they’re not good memories at all, not in the slightest.

100. Who was your first date? My first actual date was Ash, about two and a half years ago.

101. What’s the best trip you’ve ever been on? Couldn’t tell you. I can’t afford to go on many trips.

102. What languages do you speak? English and Japanese. 英語と日本語。

103. How many ex’s do you have? Anywhere between 2 and 4, depending on what you call “ex”.

104. Do you swear? How much? I swear a great fucking deal.

105. Have you ever had food poisoning? I think I’ve had it once. Not sure if it was actual real food poisoning, but it was still pretty fucking bad.

106. Do you like snakes? I love them with all my heart.

107. Do you gossip? Yeah, though I try to make a point of only gossiping about things which won’t harm people.

108. Do you like to party? With the right people? Hell yes.

#tumblr games

0 notes