#there has to b some level of attraction for me to rly feel like i Want to flirt w someone or do something to them.

[kuromi-hoemie]

people who don't post themselves on here will leave u the boldest comments

[prometheanglory]

hi this post is entirely for self indulgence and is very long bc i do not have the patience for an ask game but i have an urgent need 2 answer this entire thing for vinh bc i am a rabid dog and its been sitting in my drafts for too long

⚠️ also there’s mentions of canoodling and sploinking in here that kinda tests da limits of my pg13 rating but i’ll keep my nards in my pants dw

🥵 : Is your OC perceived as physically attractive to others? Is it at first glance or is it something that takes more time to reach fruition?

you gotta be BLIND to not catch onto the fact she’s hot. but then again, i wouldn’t treat her like some all-time stunner that makes the entire room turn and go silent at a glance like a wattpad fic or anything. she’s taken as a double-take kind of hot, u kno. like, the type of hot where u go ‘god damn’ and then u move on with ur day. or my hands got sweaty bc idt im well-dressed enough today to be in close proximity for u for longer than 45 seconds.

💦 : Is your OC’s attractiveness based on looks or a more intangible aura?

kinda hinging off the last question tho…. the vinh appeal gets stronger the longer she’s around. kinda got that ‘peripheral’ vibe, gotta go looking for her more, and more grows on u…..!

trick question bc it’s an endless feedback loop b/w aura and looks bc ain’t no way ur getting one without the other. regardless of which one catches the eye first, both just amplify the other. hot bc shes measured enigma with a muted lull 2 her for real !! but then also she’s just a physically attractive lady.

but tbf maybe her aura isn’t a surefire guarantee of attraction. she isn’t exactly the most forthcoming or warm person, and if mysterious and quiet isn’t ur type from a bombshell then 🤷‍♀️ oh well

💪 : What is your OC’s most physically attractive attribute? 

SHES GOT A LOT GOING ON THAT I THINK R NICE TO LOOK AT OKAY…..….. the most miscellaneous thing is that her hair’s a little messy n got hair falling in her face sometimes in a way that kinda covers her eye and that’s like. eroi.

most conventionally attractive thing abt her is divided b/w her long legs or her eyes overall (shape/eyelashes/irises/etc) 🤧 but if we get into the ‘weird’ category of miscellaneous things that are still kinda conventional. the list kinda looks like: her shoulder width + shoulder angle… her slender neck… sharp but subtle jawline… her cheekbones… her height… her mouth.. the defined collarbone…. torso-waist-hip ratio…. i think i’m allowed to allude to her asscheek. her many piercings… her long fingers… the way she’s definitely a mature n femme beauty but she’s kinda handsome if u look at her under the right lens. her moodier expressions that in my heart r so sultry/mysterious. she’s nicely muscled naturally, but she’s got a softer-toning to her. as ‘willowy’ as she can be depicted, i also like how subtly solid she is, u feel. i like her biceps and stomach specifically. her back is really nice. i like her sharp teeth. idt anybody needs to point out the small breast size thing but i think its charming and it has to be pointed out.

🧠 : What is your OC’s most mentally attractive attribute?

she is so sharp and levelheaded... thorough and observant……. focused n dedicated but entirely self-aware…….. competency make my peepee hard.

this is actually a vinh red-flag but i think it’s hot how she doesn’t tell u anything and is very mistrustful despite her general front of honesty 😍 like yes girl lie to me

also her being shockingly resolute with her morals/values despite generally being the begrudging coward who never puts up the rebellious/troublemaker front. the risk of her double-crossing is actually pretty high . ppl who u would never expect to be so underhanded but they’ll do what they feel they must while still playing by your rules 🤤

but also i rly love her mental fortitude… girl can rly tank a hit or weather thru centuries and still stand unbroken!!! she’s the final bastion!!!! idt any other of my ocs quite has the same level of like, genuine capacity to be eroded??? like ofc a chunk of it is coming from her mild self destructive tendencies (hot) but her really repressed sense for self preservation (also hot) keeps her in the weirdest cycle of not actually being able to discard her dignity to call it quits!!!! she will keep going even after there is nothing left on her to go on because she is perpetual and will never be satisfied !!! girl is an engine!!! girl is the dry corpse that will not stop moving and bleeding!!!

👀 : Does your OC believe they are attractive? Do they use that to their advantage?

she’s very aware that other ppl think of her as attractive and she’s pretty conventional in her appeal, but doesn’t rly. feel it? cherish the notion? not that she thinks she’s ugly but she just rly doesn’t get the hype.

technically only uses it to her advantage when trying to keep herself presentable — i.e. may adapt herself if someone’s perception of her dictates she should lean harder into being appealing in that way.

👃 : Does your OC smell good? Do they have a signature scent?

did u know i stood in a yankee candle for like 15 minutes sniffing candles last week to embed scents in my brain to know if i could label them as vinhcore in my head. i have Also been previously tempted to sign up for perfume samples just to know more abt scents for the same exact reason. what does that tell u. what does that say about me, we will ignore that.

i think she smells rly… rich. expensive. a kinda sultry perfume? smth with amber that isn’t particularly sweet but floral w musk in a complex way…? but i feel like if im aiming to encompass the colder aspect of her character. it’s still going to lean harder towards floral but it’s less spice and more… woody. aromatic. smth kinda white floral/powdery.

👂 : Does your OC have an attractive voice?

hot to ME. HOT TO ME!!!! this vid is the latest one but it has her outdated art on it and its kinda fried but nonetheless

but i like her voice :-} smooth and low but without toeing too much of the line of strained?? lowkey considering changing her eng va again but that’ll happen whenever it happens tbh

bonus videos bc i like her voice on king of fighters and this is technically the least incriminating video i have for azur lane im sorry for the booby and hole boat girl game

🚲 : Does your OC enjoy playing the field? Or are they more monogamy-minded?

teeeeechnically monogamy-minded…? open to being polyam/having an open relationship. tho it’d be probably still be Nice to settle down some day. maybe. theoretically. it’s smth she needs to address eventually, but it’s just not rly on her plate rn. if it crops up in this time tho, then so be it.

she’s meandering around the metaphorical field bc ppl seem to need her more over there, but she still doesn’t rly get much satisfaction out of that either. not that satisfaction was ever rly much of an end goal for her 💀she views her relationships more as a job commitment than a romantic commitment, hence the blasé attitude towards the topic. think it’d be best to just say she’s going with the flow.

😍 : What does your OC find irresistible in others?

it’s always a bit hard to actually catch vinh’s eye, but… who can resist a brief onceover at a modern-day adonis.

aside from that, she’s always a little fascinated by sharp-wits, or ppl who just radiate a certain charisma that lends itself well to leading themselves or a subsequent aura of proficiency. vinh’s prone to falling in line with people who have their own sense of gravity.

💘 : Is your OC a very good flirt? Are they charming?

she’s defo not awkward (being unsociable aside) but charming is a bit of a reach. interesting to talk to in her own right bc she’s been drilled on navigating events and ‘intellectually stimulating’ other’s minds to some degree by tradition’s decree, but being flirtatious or forthcoming is neither here nor there for her 😔

💋 : Is your OC a good kisser? How do they do it?

she knows her way around the block ❤️ granted, it’s usually pretty half-hearted bc she’s just not rly all that in-tune with expressing intimacy for most people. she’s just not rly gonna take much of a lead or initiate much. stays pretty chaste if its up to her, a fleeting smooch 2 the corner of the lip always seems 2 get the job done.

opposite end of the scale is she trusts them more so she’s more open 2 being intimate 🤯 a passionate/entangled makeout type at her core, but that’s actually a very rare occurence still. the things she usually initiates r very prim n formal but its very dear that she’s infatuated enough that she feels compelled to express it 🤧

🦴 : Does your OC have much sexual experience? What are they like?

shhhhhshshhhhhshhhhhhhh shushshushshush

answer is yes, plenty, and the experiences are….. okay. she doesn’t think about it very hard.

it’s only been recently that she’s become more active? she hasn’t been off the mountain or cloud for that long, and she’s been separated from her nation’s (elite) culture for an even shorter span of time. granted, it’s been a few years but nonetheless. there’s very long and pronounced gaps in her activity in most centuries prior to where we encounter her, and those are life long secrets that have been kept mostly under tight wraps. she’s known for being quite prudish back home, actually.

style-wise… 🤪 vinh’s very attentive and tends 2 heavily prioritize her partner’s needs. down for whatever bc she doesn’t rly have anything in mind, but isn’t exactly the easiest person to ��rile up’. a servicing type that keeps a very level-head. isn’t rough at all, but she makes up for it in precision and (sometimes) passion. her composure slips a bit (…a lot?) when the shoe’s on the other foot of who’s getting the brunt of the attention. it seems there’s something going on over there about her actual preferences.

💞 : Do they treat sex casually or do they view it as something with a lot of emotional weight?

well it’s not the biggest deal in the world for her but sometimes it means a little more to her. most of the time she doesn’t rly have much faith or intention with her flings so she doesn’t invest much in them unless convinced otherwise.

🔥 : What’s a surefire way to make your OC get flustered?

she’s a very on-guard person and is prepared for a lot of things ppl will do or say to her, but sometimes things get around her own expectations and it makes her indifferent façade falter.

very pointed comments that she can’t really ‘dodge’, complimentary or not. other examples Also include ppl sometimes regarding her a little too humanely or just with a little too much dignity . and sure she might get flattered but the chances are much higher that she’ll just get more suspicious and on-edge.

🧸 : Into public displays of affection or are they more reserved?

very reserved and would never initiate anything pda 💀 she can handle being on the receiving end of some Some pda (within limits) but she tends to avoid it if possible. but as the artist/writer i believe firmly in targeting vinh bc you might find that she’s lying a little about how reserved she is.

💌 : How would they plan a romantic evening for a significant other?

well if there’s something she knows they enjoy then she’ll do her best to arrange it for them. she’s the type to enjoy quiet evenings. whether or not they physically go out, spending time with them is fine.

if it were entirely up to her though, i think her go-to is between staying in and eating smth home-cooked together (even tho she, doesnt rly need to eat,) and generally just decompressing (watch a movie, bake smth small, lay around on the couch, etc) OR a small outing to a museum/art gallery/etc and a nice dinner at a restaurant :-) and then the rest of the night is… also for decompressing . most of the time i think of where the actual romance/bonding for vinh is, i land on like… super quiet moments like being in bed or somewhere where u get the stronger sense of having her complete attention, like in a car or in a quiet corner of a room.

being lazy with a workaholic is a love language, that is my wisdom. intimacy exists in downtime and quiet !!!!

💐 : What is their courting style? How would they woo someone?

wooing isn’t exactly something she sets out to do — but her methods of courting don’t change much regardless of how much she likes or mistrusts her partner.

her courting style is best encompassed as promising them her service, and that definition of ‘service’ is incredibly broad in terms. she aims to please within the limits of her dignity, and rolling over to align herself with their expectations for her is pretty standard. she thinks its critical for them to rely on her somehow or to at least have some due purpose for her to stick around, whether it be in semantics or actual duty.

on a less cynical note, the more romantic version of vinh is just best understood as a very dedicated partner. she’s reliable and responsible — and even if she’s not a super affectionate lover right out the gate, there’s kinda comfort in how… present she is? constant she is? pillar of support for real!!! she wants the best for her lover, and if that best somehow includes her in the image, then she’ll try to accommodate it. biggest difference here is she actually feels like telling her partner stuff thats wrong or things that are just Up instead of just going and fixing it on her own without much of a word.

👙 : What kind of underwear do they use? Is it pretty or functional?

a function over fashion type of girl but a little bit of fashion doesn’t hurt. tends to stick to pretty simple styles and has a preference for dark colors — but she has some more ornate choices that…. were not her first choice, but she can appreciate a thoughtful gift.

actually have a doodle from months ago that was actually from thinking abt the logistics of what she wears and even tho pencil skirt era is over……. it’s still a tight skirt so it still counts.

[matoitech]

Different anon but I would love to hear more about how Galo being autistic affects his relationship with Aina

oh i would love to talk about this cuz i think its an interesting example we have of galo being autistic and most other characters not rly making much effort to understand where hes coming from or connect w him! so first i gotta mention that in canon theres a lot of wiggle room for interpretation with aina and her and galos relationship just due to how little time its given, but to me it FEELS like they want her to be a parallel to galo (ESPECIALLY true w the lake scene) so sometimes she comes off more as like, also autistic and just doesnt rly mesh in communication styles or understanding why her own attempts at reaching out 2 galo arent working (same as he struggles w his relationship w aina and other ppl, and why theres so many songs abt him and lio Getting Each Other) so like autistic in an opposite direction from him, and sometimes (esp in the ova) it feels like shes meant to b read as allistic and thats why they arent rly meshing. i think the latter is probably more likely to be the intention but the former can b a lot of fun cuz autistic aina <3 anyway moving on

so like to make this more organized im gonna skim thru the ova and the major scene w them from the movie, galo and burning rescue meet in his ova when he introduces himself to them by way of bringing up his special interests and what he assumes are their shared passion for firefighting and everything that goes along w that. ive talked abt this b4 w this scene, but galo bringing his special interests in2 the convo right away and introducing them alongside himself is both a super common autistic way to try to connect w people as well as say hey this is what im about. that obviously doesnt go that well as we get our first introduction of how burning rescue is gonna treat him for the ova and duration of the movie, aina included, in being kind of rude to him (except remi whose very ableist compared to the others) abt it n immediately treating him like an idiot for trying to communicate w them the way thats natural for him. this kind of solidifies how theyll talk abt him and communicate w him for the movie, even as they gain some respect 4 him for saving thyma they dont change how they talk w/about him

im not gonna go over everything in the movie but the lake scene w galo and aina has the very obvious purpose of showing that galo isnt interested in like the potential woman love interest the movie is pushing at him but IS interested in lio, it also serves various other functions some of which being 1) exposition 2) introducing galo and aina as being more alike (paralleled even) than they can rly understand thru their previous attempts at getting 2 know each other 3) SHOWING more how aina and galo have not rly gotten along b4 and showing thru their faltering attempts 2 connect that even if they have stuff in common this is not the romance u r going to get i this movie and they just dont like each other like that

aina and galos communication styles and humor both feel different to me and dont mesh that well, theyre both blunt tho in different ways (aina even told heris galo was ‘honest and too blunt for his own good’ which i think is funny coming from her lol) like galo tries to be expressive and hes got this thing abt Proving himself while aina more quietly does her own thing, galos rly genuine and doesnt rly get that other ppl might not b being genuine (which is smth kr*y took advantage of to lie to him and manipulate him), aina however is rly dry so it comes off as barbed when i think its unintentional and while there r points when shes kind of mean i dont think shes like, going out of her way to hurt his feelings i just think she doesnt rly recognize that galo.. HAS feelings? theres a certain way burning rescue (and in general other characters in promare) treat galo where hes dismissed as being just an idiot for.. being autistic rly and i think thats just smth aina did b4 they had more of a chance to talk one on one and make more of an effort. i dont think she rly treats him the same way she did in the start of the movie and the ova as she does the further the movie goes on. they just didnt know each other very well and no one rly made much of an effort w him b4 then

the long and short of it is that from what we see in the movie it affects his relationship w aina a very similar way it does w burning rescue as general (they function sort of like a single character at times) and galo and aina having dif communication styles (galos very explicitely bcuz he is autistic) shows in making it harder for him to have like, genuine connections and relationships bcuz while galo and aina both sometimes try to extend olive branches to each other (like i think they have trouble getting along but it helped to find common ground) them not rly understanding each other or why the other person does things the way they do was smth intentionally included 4 the straightbaiting bit to work and showing galo and aina wouldnt rly work together and galo and lio r more like. attracted to/intrigued by/instinctively understanding of each other and have that compelling them to get to know each other, n their experiences lend them dif levels of respect towards each other that galo and his coworkers never had. in a way even tho aina made an effort w galo later he had kind of moved on from trying to be friends with his coworkers by then and pursued his relationship w lio instead (again lots of dif reasons they get each other and vibed on a dif level than he had w other ppl, the obvious among them being theyre gay 4 each other lol), tho thats not set in stone n after the events of the movie maybe they can b friends now

anyway umm yes i think post promare galo and aina find ways to communicate better and i would like for them to be friends but like galo being autistic is legitimately the reason trigger gave for him getting off on the wrong foot with burning rescue lmao. it definitely affects his relationship w aina in that way even tho i think she started being more receptive 2 his way of communicating later on. hope this somewhat answered ur question, i have a lot of dif ways of viewing their relationship and characters. as always if anyone has specifics u want elaborated on or has smth 2 add i would luv to hear it

[asillydreamer-on-a-crazyworld]

After a good night’s sleep, I’m not high on feelings anymore, so I feel ready to talk about last night’s episode and my opinion about what might happen in the future.

This is gonna be a bit long so, click on the link below:

1. Ruby and Stan: WOW. Like, really, WOW! I loved that Stan is on this dangerous path with Ruby and that he is using his position as a cop to help his wife. I think it’s his way of showing her that he is glad she is not lying to him anymore. More like a “ well, baby, you finally understand what I want from you and why I was hurt. So, now that you’re coming clean to me, I’ll do whatever I need to do to help you.I’m not going to lose you”. And it’s awesome coz Stan knows the risks. He knows what is waiting for them if they don’t cover Ruby and the girls’ tracks. He understands now that his wife got tangled in this mess and that some of the things they’ve done were necessary coz the situation got out of their control. 

Really, I wish I’d find someone as understandable and honest as Stan one day in my life. Now I’m worried about what can happen with these two, now that Turner will come for them. I’m curious and excited to see how Stan’ll use his knowledge as a cop to help the girls escape the law. I wonder if he might meet Rio at one point actually, coz in my head, it makes sense that Stan will want to talk to him. Stan will wanna know what this man is really doing what he is doing and his reasons behind it, coz I believe at one point, Stan will find out that Rio is the one helping the girls cover their tracks ( even if he asks for money in order to do that)

2.Annie.

Oh, Annie, Annie, Annie... She is still acting like a selfish, immature person, who isn’t really understanding what her big sister is going through. Her comment about  Beth finally getting some “vagina action” and how she understands she needed that but not with gang friend...Ouch. It was so not like that, Annie. It was not about your sis getting a dick into her vagina. It was about how your sister needed to regain her sexuality, the reins to one aspect of her life at least. However, I get it, Beth isn’t really opening up to her sister about how she is really feeling, but she was so quick to judge Beth. Again, maybe I feel that she is worried about how things are gonna end for all of them just like she said, and that is why, later, she tells Sadie about her being the bag of dicks who hurt Nancy? What shows me that Annie still needs to “grow up” bc even if I understand her need to be honest with her daughter, she must learn that telling things the way she did is not ideal!! And right before poor Sadie got inside for her classes and in her mamma’s car!! I think Annie should have waited and not drop this bomb the way she did. But she will come around. I hope we’ll see these two sisters finally open up more about what is going on in their heads to avoid more drama but who knows. It will be interesting to see how Beth x Rio closer relationship will affect Beth x Annie's one. I think that as things get more complicated between those two, Annie will worry about her big sis.

3. Beth x Rio.

OH. SWEET. BABY. JESUS.

first, the bedroom scene. Beth’s fantasy. Like I said I think it means that Beth is attracted to what Rio represents: power, control ( or the loss of) and him breaking things down is just a parallel of how Rio was in control of the situation and demonstrated his power over Dean’s back at the end of episode 4. How he is such an alpha, dominating male and omg, kill me. SHE GETS OFF ON THAT.

The violence of the act is a parallel to the violence Rio showed he is capable of, as he smashed that car. It doesn’t mean he’ll ever turn that kind of violence to Beth even in bed like some ppl thought ( including, maybe, the lovely anon I got).

Now, I believe that this particular scene tells us something interesting here about her feelings for Rio, and you’ll find out that I agree with some fellow shippers here: she is more attracted to what Rio represents than the man himself. It is complicated bc you might tell me: “but Mila, this is part of who he is. It’s not the same to say that she IS attracted to him as a person too?”. Yep, it is part of who he is but I believe it’s just 10% of the person he truly is. Look at how he is around his son, his lawyer and even with his crew ( just remember how he was in episode 1x03. He was the boss there but he wasn’t screaming orders all around. he was talking to them and coordinating things but without that bad boy vibe he had around the girls). He doesn’t need to be that dominating alpha male with them and with most of the ppl he interacts. However, I understand that, since the girls mess up constantly and even tried to put him away, the lack of trust makes him act the way he does around them. Rio is way more than just this powerful guy Beth sees. The problem is that he doesn’t let her see nor get closer to him so she can finally begin to know him. 

We got to the real problem actually. They rly want to know the other? Or the level of distrust is so high between them that this is almost impossible right now ( don’t worry, I’ll answer that)? Because I believe Rio has a plan for them. He is grooming her into this boss bitch probably so he can have someone he can trust to help him with one of the multiple aspects of his business ( and I believe he chose her coz she is NEW to all this. She isn’t like the ppl he usually deals with, in this business, who are way more greedy and dangerous than Beth will ever be). But since she betrayed him once already, he is keeping some things he can use against her later to teach her a lesson if she even thinks about throwing hin un the bus again.

To answer my question in the last paragraph, I think he is intrigued, curious, definitely attracted to her. He thinks he knows her already, at least this part of her who wants his power, his control over things,his influence, but not the rest of the real Beth. I believe he wants to know her better, tho, because he can’t help it, but he is not feeling safe to do that just yet. 

And Beth? Beth tells him to not label them and he says “yeah, it’s too soon”, and I feel like it was the writers’ way of telling us that it really is, bc they didn’t open up to the other still. They don’t trust each other, not 100%,  even as business partners ( well, just look at the promo for 2x06). Beth is definitely not in the right state of mind to really wanna know Rio. She is dealing with the mess her marriage is right now, and with the fact that she’ll now be a businesswoman and provide for her family, and Rio is still this mysterious guy who can not be trusted bc he has Boomer’s body and she doesn’t know what he is gonna do with it 

Beth is aware of the fact that he holds too much power in their relationship right now and this scares her, maybe, coz Dean had the power in their marriage all those years ago and look at where it got her? I bet she thinks that he doesn’t wanna her to get closer and she is not feeling all that sure of what she is feeling too, so it’s safer to keep seeing him as this guy who can be her downfall if she makes the smallest of the mistakes.

I just keep trying to get into her shoes and I can’t help but think about how her head and heart are both a mess right now and I feel tired just thinking about it. Also, considering how her marriage ended up in disaster, just think about how she might wanna avoid falling for a guy like Rio if they don’t share any common ground here yet?

I truly believe any relationship between them will be possible only if they are equals. And even then, it won’t be a conventional relationship. Also, yes, it can end up in total disaster but what a beautiful disaster it will be.

all that being said, I do believe Rio has feelings for Beth that run deeper and are more complicated than just lust, and that Beth will develop them in the next episodes, because, like I said before, it’s too easy to turn attraction and lust into something more, depending of the situation, of course.

4. Mary Pat:

Oh, now MP is in deep trouble, and giving Turner one more info about what she knows of the girls was just one more way of showing us that MP is all about protecting herself, doing anything she can survive even if it means throwing the girls under the bus. She was a woman cornered and MP did what she had to do to escape Turner. However, I truly believe that, since it seems that she won’t give Turner what he wants ( coz Rio and Stan will get in his way, in order to protect themselves), this woman will cross a line here and I’m scared and excited to see which one. Can MP turn into the bad guy of this season? Totally b, but hell if I’ll risk telling what she is gonna do in the end.

5. DEAN.

I wanna this fucker dead.

Such a piece of garbage, really. But he is also turning into an interesting character bc I wonder, why he is still by her side? He truly believes that he still loves her? He sees her as his property? Is this about his huge, stupid male ego, that makes him stay by Beth’s side, so he won’t lose her to a guy like Rio? I’ll say yes to the last one but with a side comment:  he is just so used to his life, to the way things are... Dean is this old fashioned guy with sexists ideas and I think that if Beth rly leaves him, he’ll think of it as this epic fail as a man. He wasn’t able to keep his house in order and his wife by his side. So he’ll rather have this lie of a life than lose everything. But once he sees that Beth won’t be by his side for long, what is Dean gonna do? We know he is capable of lying, he knows ppl just as untrustworthy as he is... I believe that in order to keep Beth, he will use blackmail, yep, or try to bring Rio down, but only heavens know how.

Phew, that was long. Thank u for coming to my GG ted talk xD

[dragimal]

thoughts on Voltron s7

this is prolly old hat by now, but I still wanna throw my two cents to the wind. this is gonna get very rambly, and I’m gonna derail A LOT to air out other grievances I have w/ the show/fandom. a rant like this has been a long time coming-- the reception to s7 only pushed me to write this now. so beware, I guess. also I’m not rly tryin to Start Shit, so I’m slottin’ this under the cut

I think I should start at the beginning: I didn’t like Voltron for the first 3 seasons.

it was perfectly passable, but not.... exactly the kinda thrilling saga Tumblr made it out to be. all the hype put me under the impression that VLD was a deeply emotional/character-driven story much like ATLA-- I was sorely disappointed to find this wasn’t the case. instead, I found a typical space-mecha plot populated by pretty tropey characters-- certainly not bad, but not all that emotionally gripping either 

I actually grew p bitter over Voltron’s particular brand of popularity-- mainly the comparisons to ATLA, as if VLD was anywhere as deep and clever. I wasn’t mad that it was popular so much as it seemed popular for the wrong reasons

now I’m not saying that enjoying VLD is “childish” or whatever, I’m just saying that comparing VLD to ATLA is p damn insulting, imo. ATLA has a level of depth in plot, worldbuilding, themes, character arcs/interactions, etc. that’s incredibly impressive-- esp for a kid’s show. u just don’t get that depth from VLD-- and honestly, that’s just fine! I know I’m singing ATLA’s praises to the heavens here, but I’m also kinda sick of Tumblr trying to compare every damn thing to ATLA, as if every piece of media HAS to be another ATLA to be worthy of praise (like the whole “Zuko redemption arc” thing has been taken wayyyyy too far when critiquing villains...)

ATLA and VLD aren’t trying to accomplish the same things, so it’s kinda shitty to place those kinda expectations on the creators of VLD when they’re trying to do their own thing? like, I don’t expect Osomatsu-san-- a very stupid show I deeply adore-- to be the next FMA just b/c both shows have a focus on brotherly bonds; they’re clearly two separate things that I can enjoy for different reasons

anyways, to cut that ramble short, VLD just wasn’t my thing when I first started it. I’m not big on mechas, and I typically prefer pointed storylines over ‘adventure-of-the-week’ setups. not that VLD doesn’t have some underlying plot for the first couple seasons, but it takes a while to get past random villain fights and/or adventures every ep and condense it into a continuous plot thread. some ppl like that kinda thing, I just don’t. the reason I continued to watch it-- despite my misgivings-- is b/c I like watching things with friends. my bf has always liked VLD and wanted me to see it, so I enjoyed watching it with our audience of two

I’m glad this setup forced me to continue watching, or else I would have never reached the turning point-- episode 33 (s3): “The Legend Begins”

this was the point at which my feelings switched from “eh” to “oh... OH. OH SHIT.” I’d finally started to get INVESTED. I finally began to develop real attachments to the characters! I was finally eager to learn what happened next; finally perched at the edge of my seat in anticipation! VLD had finally found its footing and solidified its unique voice, and I couldn’t have been more proud!

yet, what did I hear from the fandom as this narrative transition began?

“the show has gone downhill, and it’s only getting worse!″, "[x] characters aren’t developing anymore” and/or “the showrunners HATE [x] character!”, etc. etc.

though I suppose it’s a bit simplistic to say the fandom as a whole thought this way; in reality, just a vocal subset of the fandom thought-- and continues to think-- this way

yes, patient reader, this is one of those conversations. because we really can’t have a proper fandom discussion anymore w/o getting into those topics, can we? god, if only

so I’ll stop beating around the bush: antis fucking hate the new seasons, mainly because:

1) a lot of antis love Lance for some reason? antis don’t like the fact that Lance isn’t, like, the entire damn focus of the show (calls for “black paladin Lance” galore....), so they don’t like the fact that other main characters play significant roles in the show. this has devolved into unfounded critique of Lance’s character development in the last few seasons, when in reality Lance has gotten SIGNIFICANT development from s4 onward (just like most every other character..). he’s gotten more confidant in his abilities and is less defensive of his character, he’s more cooperative w/ his teammates, and he’s learned to (usually) recognize when a situation requires a serious approach rather than nonchalance. like, as someone who doesn’t much like Lance, I think it says something that my feelings have advanced from, “jesus I can’t stand this guy, can he shut up for one goddamn second,” to, “nice, Lance is mostly bearable and sometimes charming, now.” this point bleeds into the next point--

2) a lot of antis LOVE klance-- or the ship Keith/Lance, for any random readers that don’t know the Voltron fandom. klantis-- as these particular antis have been dubbed-- hate ANY semblance of connection either of these characters have w/ other characters, b/c it threatens klance. Keith and Lance both canonically have strong connections to other specific characters (Keith to Shiro, and Lance to Allura), so these ships are the most threatening to klance

now, all stans/shippers have fans that are a bit too defensive, sure. I’m not saying that sheiths (Shiro/Keith shippers) or any other stans/shippers in VLD aren’t ever at fault. but antis always ALWAYS bring an insidious dimension to fandom wank in the form of-- for lack of a better term-- “social justice posturing”

I’m not claiming that discussions abt representation and sj issues in fandom aren’t important, but antis always take these sensitive issues and simply use them as ammo in what are typically giant ship wars. there’s no nuance, no room for different interpretations-- only black/white divisions of what is “valid”/”canon”/”acceptable”, which are then strategically warped in favor of what the antis of that particular fandom favor (which, in the case of VLD, is Lance/klance)

of course, not ALL VLD antis are specifically out to discredit just one ship, as evidenced by the proliferation anti-shaladins (those against shippers of Shiro w/ ANY of the paladins). BUT this is exactly where anti tactics are utilized in full-force, and where this petty ship war further devolves:

antis fucking HATE Shiro.

Shiro poses the biggest threat to klance (at least in terms of fandom, b/c Allura canonically poses a much bigger threat tbh), thus antis have steadily built a “case” against Shiro not only as a bad partner to Keith, but as a bad character in general. the more “reasonable” antis claim things like, “Shiro’s too mentally ‘broken’ to be with anyone!” “Shiro’s too old to be with anyone, he’s practically a grandpa!” and, “Shiro’s too much of a parental/guardian figure to consider any paladins as potential partners,” while more extreme antis have claimed that Shiro literally IS a pedophile, or straight-up dangerous due to his mental hang-ups

there is clearly a lot wrong here both canon-wise (Shiro has shown 0% confirmable attraction to any character in canon; everyone’s actual ages are vague at best, thus there are no exact age gaps to measure, etc.) and in terms of plain ethics (callin a guy w/ ptsd “too broken” fuckin WHAT). but this is what antis have devolved to-- dismissing Shiro’s mutual connections to his fellow paladins at best, then accusing him of straight-up horrific shit at worst. all in the name of protecting a ship. boy howdy.

(*SIDENOTE* I hypothesize that Allura doesn’t get nearly the same level of hate b/c mlm ships are favored in fandom, thus there are more sheith shippers than allurance (Allura/Lance) shippers to oppose klance. she may also be protected by Tumblr’s over-the-top glamorizing of any and every female character, but that’s a rlyyyy weird discussion that’s hard to quickly/accurately dissect, so I’ll just leave that particular hypothesis to the side..)

anyways, patient reader, let us return this tangent back to the original point: the general criticisms directed at s4 and onward. how do antis relate to this?

well, it’s real fuckin convenient that ppl suddenly started recognizing VLD’s writing/plot/etc. flaws when the show wasn’t catering quite AS much to Lance, or Lance/Keith interactions. real fuckin convenient ppl suddenly started criticizing Shiro as a character when said character’s relationship w/ Keith began to gain more focus and development. real fuckin convenient that ppl are finally recognizing that VLD isn’t as great as ATLA, when the last few seasons have gotten PRETTY DAMN CLOSE to ATLA’s level of emotional depth

so I’m bitter abt Voltron again. but rather than being bitter abt VLD being popular for the wrong reasons, I’m bitter that VLD’s flaws are finally being recognized for the wrong fucking reasons

and this is where it gets real fucking dangerous, b/c antis are dangerously persuasive to the general fandom public

since antis use sj language as ammunition for petty-ass shit, they can easily gain the attention of... god, I hate that I have to unironically use this term, but Tumblr “normies”. I literally have no better, simple term to describe somebody on Tumblr who hasn’t watched VLD (or simply hasn’t engaged in the fandom in a significant way), so please just roll w/ me here, for my own sanity. so Tumblr normies-- as those on Tumblr are prone to-- are vigilant in keeping up w/ sj issues across the board. this is good! it’s good to be aware of and critical of the content we consume..... until it’s. not.

I’m not the first to say that Tumblr has a very warped, very dangerous approach to sj activism. much like full-on antis, there is so much black/white thinking, lack of nuance, swift and unforgiving retribution for even slightly differing opinions, etc etc. it’s why so many ppl on Tumblr even ARE antis, b/c it’s rly just the fandom-offshoot of this mentality

but even beyond the most extreme “activists” of tumblr, anti’s sj language is dangerously appealing to even the chill normies-- nobody WANTS to support dangerous relationships or bad representation, after all! so they latch onto that rhetoric too, b/c when normies see antis' (usually unfounded) criticisms thrown around, they don’t know the show/fandom well enough to be able to verify those criticisms. and like, I get the appeal of it-- I’ve def made similar mistakes w/ unfamiliar fandoms as well, b/c I want to support a cause that seems just. it’s p natural to want to align w/ what we perceive as a just cause, esp when convinced by a persuasive speaker

thus, antis have gained a significant following of normies due to the simple fact that Tumblr normies DO care abt sj issues, but they DON’T care enough to research the show themselves to see what’s what

so, let me quickly recap the stage I’ve set for you here:

1) the fandom in general has given Voltron more credit than is due, and has subsequently placed ridiculous expectations on it. this has given Tumblr normies a false impression of VLD and its standards

2) antis are SUPREMELY protective of klance (and Lance in general), and have thrown around WILD accusations at any ships that threaten it, leading to--

3) antis throwing Shiro under the bus time and fucking time again.

4) by abusing sj language/tactics, antis appeal to Tumblr normies’ sense of duty, thus gain their approval in ganging up on whatever antis deem unjust in VLD-- whether it’s actually valid or not

so fuckin forgive me for being a bit skeptical when I heard rumors of “bury your gays” in Voltron from antis/normies, when these same ppl are actively throwing around accusations of pedophilia in the name of goddamn shipping

but I’ll fully admit, I passed judgement on this criticism a bit too quick, considering I hadn’t even seen the new season yet. it’s never good to blindly accept opinions purely on the basis that they bolster ur own assumptions, and I’m not immune to that charming trap (tho thankfully I’m not typically a vocal member fandom, so I was mostly just nodding along w/ my fellow shieths asdfg)

so finally, dear reader, we reach the actual point of this post: after seeing s7 for myself, what even ARE my opinions on it?

well. the handling of Adam and his relationship to Shiro............... wasn’t great. it was pretty fuckin terrible, actually. despite all I’ve said against antis, I agree w/ their general view that Adam’s relationship w/ Shiro (and his subsequent death) was shoddy, underdeveloped, and disrespectful to some degree. I’m personally not sure it’s worth the title of “bury your gays” for several different reasons, but I wouldn’t fault someone for calling it that, b/c there are definitely several other reasons that reinforce that trope. it’s worth discussing, and definitely worth voicing criticisms towards, esp in terms of Dreamworks’ “lgbt rep” advertising before s7′s release (which was absolutely scummy, there’s just no other word for it)

so if I agree w/ antis’ basal complaints in this instance, then why the hell am I even talking abt this? why am I putting so much effort into dissecting the fandom, only to essentially reach the same conclusion as those I fundamentally disagree with?

well, I suppose it’s all abt the framing.

I’m not gonna link the post b/c, again, I Don’t Wanna Start Shit, but most of y’all have prolly seen that one post that breaks down the history of the “bury your gays” trope, and how it was possibly utilized in VLD. it’s a p good argument in that respect-- I think it hits the main points of how/why Adam and his relationship w/ Shiro was just plain Bad

and to the untrained “normie” eye, that’s all it is. however, there is a cryptic framing present that reinforces anti talking points, which only someone involved in the fandom would recognize. 

(*SIDENOTE* I don’t mean to pick on SPECIFICALLY this post, I just think it’s a nice rundown of a few of the main rhetorical tactics used by antis. it’s certainly not a unique post in the fandom, but merely a good example of this brand of posts)

for one, this post forces an emotional distance between Shiro and the paladins. this post INSISTS that Shiro can ONLY be interpreted as a guardian character that can’t relate to the other paladins in any significant way due to age gaps and traumatic experience. THUS, according to antis, Adam was the only person that Shiro could have intimately discussed his problems w/ b/c they’re the same age and have a history. Adam's death removed this potential confidante, thus leaving Shiro to sort out his issues alone

while I agree that it would have been nice to see Shiro chat w/ a new character he has a history with (esp considering we rly haven’t gotten much backstory on Shiro yet), so much of this argument is simply false

I’ve already mentioned the bullshit that is the vague age gaps, but even if we were to take them into account, there ARE characters who are assumedly at or over Shiro’s age: Coran and Allura. and yeah, Coran is prolly not the best choice in terms of real emotional connection, but Allura? she could prolly fuckin relate. Shiro’s had his body and autonomy violently violated by the Galra, to the point that his original body is now destroyed; Allura has had her culture and people violently violated by the Galra, to the point the her original planet/culture is now destroyed. Shiro is/was a leader to the paladins, and takes their collective failures to heart as his personal failures to his team; Allura is a literal princess to her people, and takes their downfall as a personal reflection of her lack of ability to protect them. their situations obviously shouldn’t be 1:1 conflated, but to say they have no points of relation here is fuckin insulting

but since age gaps like this mean JACK SHIT when it comes simply developing emotional connections and mutual respect, we don’t even need to go so far as to match ages! this is evidenced by actual intimate interactions Shiro has had with the paladins!

the first one that comes to mind even involves antis’ favorite-- Lance! episode 45 (s5): “The White Lion” involved a moment where Shiro approached Lance on his own and opened up abt his mental health, saying he, “didn’t feel like himself.” now it could be argued that this was Shiro’s clone-- not Actual Shiro-- approaching Lance for help. tho I firmly believe that are still true parts of Shiro present in his clone, even if he’s not fully there. the clone is still protective of his team (before his mind is COMPLETELY hijacked, of course), and I believe any connections/loyalty/trust Shiro has towards the paladins is still true for the clone (even if this can, once again, be forcibly overridden). this moment is Shiro-- the part of Actual Shiro that’s present in his clone-- approaching a fellow teammate for help. of course, Lance doesn’t know exactly what to do in this situation, but he at least stays w/ Shiro for support

and then of course there are all the great moments Shiro has w/ Keith that antis want to forget abt. moments where Keith has laid down his health and safety for Shiro, moments where Keith has barred his soul to Shiro, moments where Keith has done everything in his power to reach out to a hurt and struggling Shiro.  moments where Keith has made it ABUNDANTLY fucking clear that he’s here to the bitter end, that he’ll NEVER give up on Shiro. it literally doesn’t fucking matter if u interpret these scenes as platonic or romantic, b/c the fact of the matter is that Shiro and Keith care DEEPLY abt each other in some shape or form. disregarding that is forcibly ignorant. also, we've now confirmed that Keith and Shiro do have a HISTORY back at the Garrison together before all this Voltron nonsense started (even if it isn’t necessarily a romantic history), so Keith also has that leg up

the subtle framing of Shiro as STRICTLY a “guardian” character is also a classic anti tactic, as it implies a sort of pseudo-pedophilic undertone to any Shiro/paladin ships, which is just.... gross and dishonest. yes, he’s canonically a leader to the paladins, and oftentimes takes on a guardian-type role, but once again, he also canonically opens up to other paladins on a mutually respectful/intimate level. there’s nothing in canon that would strictly suggest he’s ONLY a guardian figure-- “space dad” is a fandom interpretation in the same way that framing him as Keith’s lover is a fandom interpretation. neither is more or less 'canon', and it's petty to suggest otherwise

another weird point in that post is the insistence that Shiro is a “tragic gay character”, which is just..... not fucking true, first of all. he’s definitely suffered the most out of any main character, I agree, but he’s GETTING THROUGH IT. he’s been pulled through it by the paladins, and he’s learning to use his own strength to pull through as well. he’s so incredibly fuckin strong and it’s a fuckin shame that ppl don’t see how inspirational he is to those that may be struggling emotionally. plus, he's never suffered BECAUSE he's gay, nor has he ever had a damn HINT of queer-coding until Adam was shoehorned in (which is its own separate problem w/ the show, but it's not a "tragic gay" problem)

but beyond all that is an even more subtle insistence that Shiro has always been a beloved character to ALL in the fandom. antis’ underlying implication that, “hey normies, Shiro-- our beloved Space Dad-- has been given the shit end of the stick, and u should be mad abt it too!” 

as if antis haven’t spent the last several years shitting on Shiro at every turn, saying he’s got “scrambled egg brains” b/c of his ptsd, and other horrific shit. the fact that they can turn around to “defend Shiro’s honor” now that he’s *confirmed queer* (and, initially, confirmed less of a threat to klance due to Adam) and STILL be taken seriously is goddamn terrifying 

like I am literally seeing posts like this-- IN 20FUCKIN18-- that normies are taking at face value and reinforcing:

to any normies reading this: SHIRO AND KEITH AREN'T FUCKING RELATED!! racist antis insist that they have to be related b/c they're both Asian and the second half of their last names (Shirogane and Kogane, respectively) are similar. I'm literally so baffled over how this tactic is ever taken seriously, but who fuckin knows I guess. and if antis are trying to make a case for adoptive siblings, Keith canonically met Shiro by at LEAST his early/mid teens-- LONGGGG past the developmental age of youth where he might latch onto another person as a strictly non-romanceable relative, so. No. fandom is free to interpret Keith and Shiro’s relationship as brotherly, but to say that that is the STRICT and true 'canon' interpretation of their relationship is, once again, fuckin petty and dishonest

just. how fuckin DARE antis act like they give a SINGLE goddamn shit abt Shiro’s emotional needs and trauma after pullin this shit. how fuckin DARE antis misuse real sj issues to appeal to the lowest common denominator in normies, looking for fodder to fuel the flames of hate

so, if I may be so bold as to utilize one of antis' many battlecrys: this discussion does not exist in a vacuum. Adam's shoehorned relationship w/ Shiro is shitty and worth criticism, absolutely. but brushing aside the fandom history driving the resulting uproar-- as if ship wars aren't HUGELY influencing this backlash-- is SUPREMELY fuckin ignorant

antis latched onto Adam HARD when he was first announced, despite all the signs he'd be a side character at best, that he was stated clearly to be Shiro's ex, and having no context for his personality. Adam was antis' newest shield to their ship-- somebody to take Shiro's romantic potential away from Keith, thus leaving Keith open to Lance. Adam's death eliminated that shield, leaving antis reeling-- they couldn't just jump right back into hating Shiro after having showered his newly-christened gay ass w/ praise for all of the Tumblr normies to see. so, their anger was tactically redirected towards Adam's development

there is nothing shocking abt any of this tbh. all antis is the same, and they're all bitter assholes that are completely willing to abuse real sj issues for their own goals. plain and simple.

I don't rly have a proper ending for this. I'll just say that I like s7 a helluva lot, and Adam’s shitty development doesn’t rly phase me? not everyone feels that way, which is valid, I just don’t particularly give a shit abt Adam. I have hope for s8-- esp in terms of potential development for Shiro. since Shiro got such heavy focus in s6, it makes sense that he was pushed to the sidelines a bit this season to leave room for the other characters (Keith, Lance, Commander Holt + Earth stuff in general, etc.) to develop and shine. I've heard rumors that Adam did in fact have more development that was cut, which I'm honestly willing to believe b/c the development we got felt cut short, rather than simply planned that sparsely in the first place. my hope is that s8 will return some focus to Shiro, and possibly slot in some of these cut scenes to bolster a better backstory to their relationship? pure speculation tho, and it doesn't rly excuse Adam's treatment in s7, but it's worth considering

before I completely end off here, I just want to go on one last FINAL tangent: I'm so damn disappointed that everyone is sleeping on kexa (Keith/Acxa)??? if anything it poses MUCH more canon threat to BOTH klance and sheith purely b/c it's 'safely hetero' and b/c the show itself has hinted at potential feelings there (“She’s always been sweet on that one with the flippity hair,” and “Oh look Acxa, it’s your favorite paladin~”). like I haven't seen antis OR sheiths even mention this, it's baffling. the fact that it'll prolly be canon is bittersweet for me: bitter b/c DAMN I love sheith, and sweet b/c damn.... I'm rly diggin kexa....

so the moral of this post is: blease appreciate Keith's beautiful goth gf, she deserves love

thank u and goodbye

[megafaunatic]

i just read good omens a few days ago and i totally agree with what you're saying! after a full book of queerbaiting those two and taking that as an opportunity to insert homophobia that us gays have to read through, the best thing that could be done would be to make their relationship explicitly canonical this time around (and get rid of or at least revise newt & anathema's horrible relationship but that's not going to happen). don't trust Neil to do it but I have a speck of hope nonetheless

cw in this post for nongraphic discussion of homophobia & sexual violenceHMMMM this is a tuff one bc as u kno im obviously 100% on board with explicit aziraphale crowley Marriage in the bbc series and im thrilled ur on board too anon... BUT i'm not actually rly convinced that queerbaiting was what was happening in the novel tbh! the way their relationship is written just feels too sincere and careful for it to just be queerbaiting (which for the purpose of this ask im using to mean "writers cynically teasing a representation-hungry audience with a Possible gay relationship in order to maintain audience interest as long as possible AND/OR in order to claim Woke Points"). like, in a oneshot novel, there's kind of no point to maintaining audience interest - thats more of a tv show concern - and i think it's pretty clear that gaiman & pratchett weren't exactly gunning for Woke Points when they wrote itRATHER i think that it's probably more of a "we are two straight dudes writing this book on a whim in 1990 and we want to communicate that they rly love each other and it's gonna be a little ambiguous" kind of thing. like, i read the relationship as pretty obviously romantic, and i assume that's more or less on purpose, but like... idk im just not bothered by it not literally ending in their makin out ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ like for one thing the ending scene with the nightingale singing in berkeley square is SO fucking romantic IDK what to tell uregarding the homophobia, i assume you're referencing:a) az's intro where he's described as seeming gay in a goofy way and then the narration notes that in fact since angels are genderless "gay" isnt rly a term that appliesb) the twerp at the bday party who misunderstands az's comment about burning f*ggots (asterisked bc it is & isnt a slur here lmao)c) anathema understanding that crowley & az aren't Normal and then assuming it's because they're gay (not bc theyre not human)A is obv pretty complicated bc Pop Understanding Of Gender And Sex And Sexuality has uhhhh Evolved since 1990 (!) but tbh! im fine with swishy gay aziraphale EVEN WHILE understanding that it is at some level a joke about Ooh Hoo Hoo One Wouldn't Expect An Angel To Act GAY because........ we still get... an angel who Acts Gay out of it? like he's still an angel and a good interesting funny moral person. nd i think that there IS interesting stuff to be thought about wrt angels' relationship to "gayness" as a concept given that their relationships to gender and sex and sexuality are so alienatedneil gaiman addressed B in his post here: http://neil-gaiman.tumblr.com/post/175585724701 which i think is a good and fair responseand then C is also... idk like again part of the joke is Tee Hee They're Not Gay They're ETHEREAL but.. idk to me as a gay person reading the novel every time i get to that scene im like fuck dude youre right they also are gay. and i think theres also smth to be said for the acknowledgement that yeah! if you are a woman and you are approached by strange men in the night, it's fucking scary! even if theyre nice! and (Assuming You Don't Suck) the idea that PERHAPS they will not want to visit sexual violence upon you because PERHAPS they are gay.. is a relief! (and ya obv theres like a whole conversation there abt sexual violence not actually being abt attraction at all and the assumption that all men r violent sucks ETC ETC but the reaction remains...!) also yea i hope anathema & newt's Whole Thing is a little healthier but frankly i do think it's written as so weird and awkward and "guess this is inevitable so.. better get crackin? ugh" intentionally both because it's kind of funny and also as an exploration of, ya, what WOULD it be like to have your every move dictated and spectated upon by a long dead extremely nosey ancestor? it would be fucking wack!N E WAY this is just to say that i want aziraphale and crowley to get married onscreen because im gay and theyre gay and i love a good love story, not because i feel like the novel Owes it to me or has something to make up for. i actually do more or less trust neil gaiman on this one - like, i dont ACTUALLY THINK ac r gonna get married onscreen but i DO trust him to handle... His Own Characters... with love and integrity.emmyways... long post for relatively short ask... im just love good omens. @neil-gaiman if ur out there....... im ready!!

[incessantwhine]

ohhh me a month ago is such a liar. don’t know what kind of confidence bout I was on but literally none of those insecurities went away. WRONG Lola is right here u fuckin brussel sprout

literally criiieeeddd (real tears!! LMFAO) on my bday because they accidentally sent me something meant for a friend abt a girl theyre crushing on or w/e. long story short shes a hot porn star (obv) who’s my age and 10000x prettier and everything im…not. huge yiddies. nice ass. tats out the wazoo. and ofc a pretty face (if ur into European beauty standards). you know. everything that decrepit wretched disordered part of me would still kill someone to look like. if i was a guy or if she was it would be different I guess but it feels like im so close yet so far.

like, i get it. im a client and it would b weird for lots of reasons to be attracted to me. the things that are said and done are j to get me to continue to spend money cause like…get ur bag, all those cap placements make u a great business person. not much concern for me on a personal level so much as it is means to an end. it’s just acting. playing a part or w/e. ik that. i went into this situation knowing that. I understand i get pretty carefully selected bits and bobs of info abt ur life in order to make me feel like ik u “closely” or im somehow more special because that’s just more reason for an emotional and financial investment. im not fkn stupid. that’s like the whole point. i dont feel icky about that because im aware im being played and engage anyway. that’s my choice. “if ur gonna be stupid u better be tough”

but like. to have the point viciously hammered home for no reason?? on my bday?? fkn OUCH, dude. it’s not even that I’m THAT insecure. im funny. i give good gifts. im smart-ish and im enthusiastic about learning new stuff and growing. i have my finances in order and I compensate for their work pretty nicely i think. im loyal af. i care a lot but i also am really respectful and mindful of boundaries. idk. I have stuff about me that makes me rly proud. just…my appearance isn’t one of them. it’s one of the only things I do feel rly inadequate in. I don’t photograph well. and I can’t change it beyond losing weight and makeup rly. which can only do so much. that’s what hurts, that i just am doomed to be a little ugly for the rest of my life. so ofc that’s what it had to be about, right??

just so very tired of this. it’s 1 step forward 2 steps back w/ self esteem, always. im frustrated it’s still so fragile when I feel like I should be beyond this. makes me rly bitter. and resentful.

and ik im overreacting too. ik this is not a normal way to feel and that’s equally as frustrating. this has nothing to do with me, literally. it wasn’t even my business nor should it be. im upset rn bc…what, I accidentally found out im not their type? LMFAO could it get any more pathetic than that? i already knew that. 2+2=4. doesn’t take a fkn genius. so my feelings are hurt bc…im confronted with physical evidence of a reality I was already aware of??? how does THAT make sense???

maybe I should just quit while im ahead. it was fun while it lasted, yadda yadda yadda. make up some bs. but if I do that it’ll be super obvious why (not that they’re thinking about me that deeply) and then just feels also like admitting defeat. like I got into something and then ran away cause my feelings got a little hurt. it’s cowardly behavior to back out now. but idk. im so sick of making people so important and such a priority in my head knowing full well that it won’t or can’t be mutual and doing it anyway. i put myself forth as this laid back chill girl who doesn’t ask for much and causes no drama and is super flexible and soooo unbothered by everythinf and im…not that way at my core I don’t think. it’s like I make my own misery. and for what? cause it gets me horny in the right context? is that worth it??

idk. once again feeling betrayed by New York and myself. never should have gone and been invested in this person. I knew it was a bad choice in my gut; in the long run. was just ignoring it. was just thinking with my dick.

cant even talk abt any of this w/ them because it’s not their job. they’re not my fkn therapist and my feelings are not their problem, period. it would be goofy behavior to make it so. add that to the list of things im resentful about too while im being a bitter hag anyway.

[ashlingnarcos]

@acrossthesestars​

Me when I saw you DMed me the link: I wonder which she chose Me when I saw the link: GHOST CARRILLO LETS FUCKEN GOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

First off, chef's kiss to the gif choice

Your physical descriptions of him on Reader first seeing him...oh it is FULLY evident that a) reader character finds him attractive b) author finds him attractive c) *I* find him attractive d) it's fucking Smoldering in here

I like all the little touches that remind the reader something's a bit off about him, like "On silent feet"

Also it's not explicitly said but from the way reader character is pretty eagerly welcoming him into her life I get the vibes this is a two lonely souls type situation?

"More often than not you caught yourself reaching for him, drawing back at the last second when you realized you wouldn’t be able to touch him, to comfort him in the way you wanted to. To take some small comfort for yourself." *yearning intensifies. Yearning intensifies*

"Rain poured down, the drops fat and heavy as they pelted at your window. Inside you were safe and warm, a cup of tea in your hand and Horacio looking at you in a way that made your heart crack open, that left you feeling small and tender." The vibes coming off of this, the vulnerability and the homey comfortable feeling of it all

“No, mi amor. You can do something. You can kill him.”

THE MOMENT THAT IT ALL CAME TOGETHER FOR MEEEEEEE. I remember the first time when I read this I screamed but even this time knowing what happens it still HITS it hits! It fucken hits because ultimately this is so in character for this bastard it really is. oh sure I'll become a ghost. I'll fall in love. But there HAS to be murder. That's so him asdf;lkasfasdfldfj but I also absolutely adore the gender swapped lady Macbeth of it all like go on you terrible man go on. It's the fact that for him love and hate are two sides of the same coin constantly intertwined anyway even in his life so like in death of course he puts his ghostly hands on  this woman and thinks: I love her; I love her; she is my weapon. LIKE.

*unhinging my jaw so I can scream louder* AAAAAAAAAAH!!!

"like he’d done this a thousand times before and would a thousand times again" this line is both straightforwardly a tender note about how it *feels* like they've got a past and a future because of their affection but then also??? It's kind of an Oof because it's a reminder that they have never met, have never touched, don't have a past, don't ave a future. like. hnnngh.

"the quiet loneliness threatening to drown you as you tried to catch your breath" like I said above, Oof. The joy and the pleasure and the intimacy of everything that comes before just heightens how horrible reality is

I mean you know what. Having reread the reader dying. Trying to. Be chill about it. (Not being chill about it! Aah!) but like you know what good for her actually. I mean I don't mean in terms of strategy—Jhon is low level and clearly Carrillo has a grudge but killing Jhon doesn't really do anything to Escobar—but like. Good for her in the sense that she's RLY not used to combat but she more or less went one for one with a guy who ACTUALLY  kills people. And so on on that level good for her

Shoutout to you using the exact same language to describe reader's afterlife as you did to describe Carrillo's afterlife, I see u! With ur stylistic choice to do a bit of a callback via repetition! *finger guns*

As with so many things in writing, there's a huge darkness to what *isn't* said. Like, reader's life is so clearly pretty empty and lonely and that's what makes her so damn vulnerable to him...the way that even in the ending her immediate thought is joy for what she's found and not sadness for what she's leaving behind because what I s she leaving behind really? Which makes this a really twisted ass fairytale like. Oh she DID get her man. But lord.

You know I love my twisted shit <3333333 and  I love this

As I said earlier, here's my request: GHOST!CARILLO. He is haunting the fuck out of some cartel bastard, until an innocent woman is pulled into the mix who can see ghosts, and Horatio is like 'oh, someone I can connect with' and they work together to take down the cartel sicario.

This is a lot more plotty than I planned. I'd imagine there's a dream smut scene in there a time or two.

God the fucking choke hold this idea has on me. I stg I blacked out for a second writing this. Did I immediately open the doc as soon as I read this? Yes.

Also all of the smooches and baby goat videos for @fictitious-little-stitious who let me brain dump all over her with my ideas for this. And vegan crunchwraps and gummies for my soulmate @mesmorales who beta'd this beast at 2 am.

Halfway Home

Pairing: Horacio Carrillo x femreader

Rating: E

Words: ~2.4k (wtf I need to be stopped)

Warnings: graphic description of death, blood, murder, violence, slight cannon divergence, dream smut, heavy angst.

Keep reading

[felixeslee]

92 q tag

hello this tag is highkey irrelevant now but it’s been in my drafts for ages so !! laskdgjasodigjsaldkgasodigjasdg which is why i wont b tagging anyone bc im so late but !! yeah !! ok !! !!!!!!!!!1111!!! lets !! go !!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

tagged by @hyuunjins @hyunjinh @straykiz and @dae-hwee from my w1 blog (lmaoo hi pindi this is sarah!! AIddgsdfk if youre aware of this blog but hope its ok if i do it here alskdg ) 

rules: once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 92 truths about you. At the end choose 25 people to be tagged. 

🌙 LAST

Drink: the water that I drank this morning!! Aka around 12 hrs ago asdgasdgoij pls stay hydrated kids 

Text Message: i texted my brother if he knew where my dad was lol,,,,,,, sldkjgaosidgj 

Phone Call: CALLED MY BROTHER BC HE WASNT RESPONDING MY TEXTS,,,,, he also didn’t pick up ldskgjsoidgjsldkgsjdg

Song you listened to: Goodbye My Love by Aileeeee <3 lovv 

Time you cried: TODAY ,,,, i was getting super anxious bc i didn’t know where my dad was ??? he was supposed to pick me up but he forgot abt me until like an hr later… sldkgjaosidgj 

🌙 HAVE YOU EVER

Dated someone twice: no :00 lmao i’ve never dated… ever alskdjgaoijsdf 

Kissed someone and regretted it: i havent had my first kiss yet HEH 

Lost someone special: unfortunately, yes :( 

Been depressed: sdgksjadoiglskdfosdijgalskdfaosdigjaksdgoaisdjf idk 

Been drunk and thrown up: lmao i’ve never drank ,,, at all,,,, the smell of alchohol scares me,,,,, evn my little brother has had a sip once and he’s 5 yrs younger LMAO ,,, but im a noob and don’t wanna try sldkgjosidjgs 

🌙 IN THE PAST YEAR HAVE YOU

Made a new friend: yay yes yeslgkdgsdf

Fallen out of love: i dont think i’ve ever evn been in love…. Sdlgksjdoigj 

Met someone who changed you: yes,,,,,,,,, 

Found out who your true friends are: uhhhh idk aslkdgjaosidjf i honestly can never tell when someone’s being a fake friend so!!!!!! Idk honestly lmao

Found out someone was talking about you: i did ! but it wasn’t for anything bad or anything……… they just criticized me behind my back?? But i agreed w their criticism so alsdkjgaosidgj  

🌙 GENERAL

How many people on tumblr do you know in real life?: ummm,,,, like 4?? We r mutuals evn though none of them r actually kpop blogs,,,, so i always feel guilty spamminig their aesthetic feed w my screaming tags and annoying shit LMAO but i lov them <3 

Do you have any pets?: NO :”( I WANT A DOGGO THO …. REALLY BAD…..

Do you want to change your name?: uhhh ik so many sarahs its not evn funny and my last name is hella basic too????? Theres 3 ppl that share my first+last name in my school alone….. So maybe i’d change it to my chinese name (yue) ?? also bc it sounds more sophisticated,, and i lov anything that makes me sound smarter than the reality of my dumb self LOL 

What time did you wake up this morning: LOL so my alarm rings at 6:40 but i get out of bed at 7:10 SLDGKJSODIF … and i need to get out of the house by 7:20 lsdkgsdoig 

What were you doing last night: physics and apush :SLDGJOSIDFJ the 2 most dreaded classes UGH

Something you cannot wait for: DINNER .. i love me some gud dinner

Have you ever talked to a person named tom?: thomas jefferson my mAN 

What’s getting on your nerves right now: when it’s so heckin cold i can’t concentrate + i hate taking notes when it’s cold??? Bc then my hands r like half numb and it HURTS WHEN I TAKE NOTES sldkgsoidjf ALSO WHEN I DRAW ,,,,, STIFF FINGERS R THE WORST WHEN DRAWING

Blood type: i think a????????????

Nickname: my most common ones r swisso + salad (i promise these make sense in context LOL ) 

Relationship status: return NullPointerException; //im a cs person,,, dont judge

Zodiac sign: capricorn!

Pronouns: she + her

Favorite show: i dont watch many shows but i love watching a gud studio ghibli movie when im feelin down

College: this QUESTION LSDKGJSODIGJ ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, i wanna go to college but will any accept me ??!?!

Hair colour: its naturally black but it’s currently dyed ombre from black → brown !!!!!!

Do you have a crush on someone: i havent had a legit crush in 3 yrs lmao……. 

What do you like about yourself: the fact that im a deep sleeper. Idk how light sleepers function omg like wouldn’t u wake up to like,,,,, everything??! :((( that makes me sad bc u hav no idea how much i lov a nice long undisturbed slumber

   🌙 FIRSTS

First surgery: okAY so like i've had 2 procedures done on my eyes lmaooo like (1) when i was a smol beb of like 1 yr old i rolled off my bed aaaannnnddd the corner of my eye hit the edge of the sharp corner of the bedside table!!! and then y1ke$ things got ugly loll (((yes, i wuz dum + clumsy since the day i popped from the womb))) its all stitched up now and i hav a tinie tinie scar aslkdgs okay and (2) there was something weird abt my tearducts LOL so u know when u get sad nd stuff ur nose gets runny and u sniff a lot??? well like that wasn't the case for me bc the passage way from my eyes to my nose was completely blocked off,,,,, which resulted in me lookin like i was full blown cryin like every 2 seconds... like if i kept my eyes open for too long my eyes would get watery and tears would flow out LMAO ,,,, i looked like i just never stopped crying,,, but it was just my eyes were just ALWAYS WATERING sdlgjsdif damn u have no idea after the procedure i was like 'do ppl live like this??? not having to wipe tears every 0.2 sec??? oh my god,,, i am livin THE LIFE' 

First piercing: i hav no piercings!!! Bc stabbing holes thru myself scares me sdlkjgsoidg but i love the way earrings look tho so :///// 

First sport you joined: dance or gymnastics???? I dont rly remember

First vacation: CHINA prob???? 

First pair of sneakers: i think sketchers LMAO ,,, the big thing  

🌙 RIGHT NOW

Eating: nothing!!!!!

I’m about to: do som sketches for my AP art class 

Listening to: my dad sing som old chinese folk stuff behind me LOL 

Want kids: i already adopted all 9 members of stray kids tho ??? idk if im ready for more atm 

Get married: LOL This question just reminded me of smol story from my childhood: so like i used to b rly close w these 3 other kids,,,, one other girl and 2 guys,,, and our parents were all rly tight too,, and our four families would just go camping together and it was rly :’’D fun and so we all made a pact that I would marry one of the guys and the other girl would marry the other guy and we’d all go camping together forever but then KINDERGARTEN HIT,,,, we moved schools and yeah im still rly close w the girl but i miss the 4 of us dkgjsodigjsdlkgsdf LOL 

Career: waterbottle 🌙 

WHICH IS BETTER

Lips or eyes: eyes? Eh idk i just never rly considered lips ?? LOL 

Hugs or kisses: hugs? I dont hav experience w kisses so sldkgjsoidgjsd yike syikes yikes 

Shorter or taller: TALLER

Troublemaker or hesitant: uhhhhh neither??? Like i just want someone playful + extroverted bc im quite introverted,,,,,,,,,, so if he was hesitant we’d just b super awkward and quiet,,, and i don’t like getting involved w sketchy troublemaker shit either LOL ,,, 

Older or younger: as long as they r in the same school grade level,,,, and i guess 1-2 yrs older is okaY? But lowkey freaks me out if too old 

Romantic or spontaneous: sldkgjsoidfj both? Like i lov someone who is unpredictable and spontaneous,,,, but on the other hand im lowkey a helpless romantic lasdkgjaoisdjf 

Sensitive or loud: both i guess too??? Its good to have someone understanding and sensitive but also someone who knows how to have fun  :) 

Hookup or relationship: hookups,,,,,,,, just dont make sense to me,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, like i get attached to someone p easily so even if i dont plan on being attached,,,, i’d probably get attached :(  

🌙 HAVE YOU EVER

Kissed a stranger: YIKES no 

Drank hard liquor: nO 

 Lost contacts/glasses: UH I HATE THIS BUT YES….. 

Sex on first date: yikes * (6.02 *10^23) adkgaosidjgaslkdf no thaNK you 

Broken someone’s heart: i dont know,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, like i might’ve but maybe im just not aware ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, but on a sidenote i think my old comupter science teacher gets a migrain everytime he sees me LOLLLLLL sdlgjsoidgjsldf 

Been arrested: no,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, :0 

Turned someone down: yeah lmao i kinda feel bad tho bc they were all good ppl,,,,  lskjgosidjf but thankfully im still good friends and pretty tight w all of them ~  

🌙 DO YOU BELIEVE

In yourself: ocassionally i try to :’’D

Miracles: lol yes 

Love at first sight: i used to ? but not anymore,,,, like i believe u can be attracted to someone at first sight ?? but i feel like love cannot be attained thru visual contact only asldgjoasidjalsdg

[ennergetics]

the second and final part of the childhood friend! daniel au

(image credit)

pairing: kang daniel x reader (featuring kang dongho) genre: fluff, angst summary: You’ve never let your relationship with Kang Daniel move beyond the fun and physical, especially since he’s your brother’s best friend. Throw in a distraction, some sexy stubble, and a meddling brother, and you have a recipe for disaster.

one | two

you don’t expect to meet your childhood friend kang daniel again at university, but when you do, it’s only a matter of time till you become friends again 

it’s a little different now, your old hide and seek games replaced by lazy afternoons at his apartment, his arm comfortably around your shoulders and his cats on both your laps

it doesn’t take long for the two of you to fall into a rhythm, and by your third year, you've taken five general classes together despite having different majors

when you enter your basic philosophy and logic class, daniel’s already taken a seat beside a pretty girl in a sundress, which has you swallowing down the drop of jealousy building up in your throat and sitting elsewhere

to your left is an boy—no, man, you think—with stubble dark against his pale skin and an expression so bored it’s intimidating, and you don’t realize you’re staring till he looks at you and smirks, like a tiger spotting prey

you bite your lip and smile, feeling the tips of your ears turning warm, because he may not be your usual type, but that tattoo peeking from beneath the low collar of his white shirt is attractive as hell

when the professor asks all of you to pair up and you see daniel talking to the girl next to him, you shrug and turn to mr. sexy tiger, as you’ve taken to calling him in your head

his name is kang dongho, and though you’re a little worried about whether he’ll be a good project partner, soon you’re saving his number and pointedly not looking at daniel, who’s been glancing at you with a frown

later that day, you’re at daniel’s apartment, his hand at the back of your neck and drawing you closer

you and daniel make out every so often whenever neither of you are dating, and that’s completely normal between friends, isn’t it?

but you pull back, asking him whether he’s thinking of seriously dating the girl from philosophy class because you need to know if your arrangement has to change any time soon 

he says no, and you pull him into the kiss, and he tastes like the gummy candies he likes to eat, some sugar on the corner of his lip for you to lick, and you’ve never had a sweet tooth but daniel’s mouth is more addictive than candy

afterwards, you’re texting dongho about your meeting the next day, and daniel is laughing because kang dongho is the complete opposite of all the boys you’ve gone for throughout your three years at university

“remember lai guanlin”

“sTOP HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW HE WAS SO YOUNG”

you stick your tongue out at him and call him an idiot, but at midnight, daniel insists on walking you back to your dorm, and you ignore the little voice in your head that tells you how easy it would be to pull him close and finally confess what had been at the tip of your tongue over six years ago

that weekend, you’re at the library with dongho, reminding yourself that you’re an adult, there to study and not to ogle the exposed area of his chest nor the way he bites his pen in thought

then you get texts from daniel asking for help with the assignment, and you roll your eyes before sending the relevant book titles since you and dongho have practically finished your project 

[5:40 PM] cat daniel: ur rly so hot when ur being competent

you’re grinning at your phone, choosing the appropriate sticker to send, when dongho asks you if you want to get barbecue with him tonight

“as partners?” you say, confused, and dongho smirks in that way that makes you melt, laughing at you, and your cheeks turn pink

“i’ll get the car,” he says, taking your stunned silence as affirmation, and you’re still smiling when daniel texts you again, telling you to come over, but you only have enough time to send a sad face and ‘can’t, bbq with the tiger’ before dongho says he’s outside

back at his apartment, daniel begins to feel uneasy because you’ve only ever taken your dates to cute, trendy little places like cafes and diners, and they’ve always been lanky younger boys like sewoon and jihoon, not men who look at you like they want to devour you like this kang dongho

daniel knows it’s hypocritical to feel this way when he can never get enough of your lips, when he’s always glad to see you wearing those off-shoulder tops you like so much because it’s easier for him to mouth at your neck and collarbones, and he tells himself that he’s worried and not jealous, no not at all 

you’re back at the dorm with ramen and beer from the nearby convenience store because you’d been too shy to eat like you wanted in front of dongho, when you get a call from your older brother 

“what’s this i hear about you dating a bad boy?” daehyun says in a teasing tone, but you can hear the warning in his voice, and you’re angry because only one person knew that you were going out tonight

“what did daniel tell you about dongho, oppa?” you say, trying to keep your voice level 

your brother sighs, saying, “he called your date bad news. are you going over to daniel’s apartment? we need to talk about this later, Y/N,” and you grunt in response before hanging up, pulling on a hoodie and rubber shoes and rushing to daniel’s apartment to give him a piece of your mind

when he opens the door, you storm inside, your arms crossed over your chest as you seethe and say, “what the fuck?” and daniel smiles uncomfortably, shrugging

the two of you stand in awkward silence, and for the first time since you met him you see daniel’s face turn serious 

“i don’t think your brother would approve of you dating him,” he says, looking away because both of you know that it’s bullshit, but before you can call him out, he asks, “have you kissed him?"

your fists are at your side and you shut your eyes tight, holding back the waves of frustration and hurt and anger that are making it difficult to breathe

“that’s none of my brother’s business, and it’s certainly not yours,” you say, narrowing your eyes at him, and you can’t stop yourself from poking him in the chest, your face near his as you hiss, “and do you fucking think he’d approve of you sticking your tongue down my throat every tuesday, asshole?” 

“it’s different with us,” he says lamely, still not looking you in the eye, and all the fight drains out of you, leaving you feeling exhausted

“of course it is, daniel,” you say, the hurt palpable in your voice, “because i know it’ll never be anything more for you.” 

you don’t look at him when you leave his apartment, and when he texts you throughout the week you delete his messages without reading them 

kang dongho takes you out on one more date, this time to the zoo, but all you can think about when you see the lions and tigers are daniel’s cats, and you find yourself tearing up, apologizing to dongho and telling him it’s better if you stay friends 

“it was worth a shot,” he says before taking you home, and you’re sorry you and dongho have so little in common because he’s really quite sweet under that intimidating exterior

you tell yourself it has nothing to do with a certain b-boying idiot 

but later that night you remember how early on in your freshman year, you and daniel had ended up at an ice cream parlor past ten in the evening after terrible dates with other people, how the wet asphalt had glistened under the street lights, the way daniel’s eyes twinkled as he took your hand and brought you back to his place

that first time, he’d tasted like cupcake sprinkles and home, but you’d pulled back and laughed it off, and you had been the one to bring up the arrangement because ‘friends who make out every so often’ sounded better to you than the unknown you’d have to face if you’d admitted any feelings

daniel is awake thinking back to the same moment, the space on his couch feeling empty without you in it, and he realizes you deserve more than what he’s been willing to give you, more than the bits and pieces of himself no one else is willing to accept, that flirtatious texts and kissing sessions are not all he wants with you

two days later, you’re at your dorm studying when someone knocks, and you open the door to kang daniel, looking more nervous than you’ve ever seen him

before you can shut the door, he says, “i’m an idiot,” and you narrow your eyes, gesturing for him to continue, “i’m an idiot who wanted your heart without asking, who wanted all the best parts of you without showing you the best parts of me. i’m a coward who couldn’t tell you six years ago when i left, or three years ago when i met you again, or two weeks ago when i called your brother instead, that i like you and want to be with you—are you—are you crying?” 

and he pulls you to his chest like he has every time you’ve cried in front of him, and you can feel in the tightness of his embrace that he would do anything in his power to make things okay again

“you’re a big fucking idiot,” you mumble into his chest, and he laughs, his hand rubbing soothing circles onto your lower back

“i’m sorry,” daniel says, “i really like you,” and you stay like that for a while, feeling lighter than you have in ages

you pull back to smile up at him, stroking his cheek, watching his face for his reaction to your next words

“you’re telling my brother”

and his eyes go wide, the colour draining from his face, but you’re laughing at him, relaxing in his arms, and daniel knows two things:

first, that meeting you fifteen years ago was one of the best things to happen to him

and second, that the many years ahead will be that much sweeter with you by his side.

[matoitech]

hello u dont have to answer this if u dont want, but ur situation with gender is scarily similar to where im at except im in the mindset that im nb wlw and dont rlly kno whats going on. I guess if u kno how to explain it, I wanted to ask how u made that jump or how u could tell it isnt just a "womanhood is like that" kind of thing and is actually "i am a guy"

oh man i wish i had smth that would make it Click for u easier cuz i def understand being rly confused abt this kinda thing.. i got a few Thoughts, idk if they will help u out but hopefully they give u some more thoughts to chew on that will maybe help anyway. this got so long oh hell sorry gbfhg

i think like the main thing as like a tip b4 we get in2 the Meat of it is it is good to relax and b open to thinking abt bein a guy as a possibility, i dont know if this will make sense bc i do not know how to explain it rly but when i was struggling 2 figure stuff out what i had rly needed 2 know was that being a dif gender can just feel like You (but as u become more comfortable w it, you but happier!) for some reason i thought u had to meet certain criteria to b ‘allowed’ to make what seemed 2 me at the time a Leap but thats not how it works lol. u as u r right now can b a guy if u want to or r considering it. u dont have to feel different and u dont have to think abt ur body a different way or anything. sry if this part doesnt make sense its difficult for me to verbalize lol

it was hard for me personally bc ppl would b like ‘if u Want to b a dif gender than b one’ but like i said in those last posts, for a long time i genuinely did not know i Wanted to be a guy/was a guy, or whatever. i had no conscious longing about it or anything, that came later once i was more comfortable w accepting it. i didnt have ‘i want to be a boy/am a boy’ moments i can rly consciously remember putting into those words as a kid, cuz i just did not care about gender on that level till i was a teenager. like i cannot stress this enough, ur life and feelings abt gender n whatever do not have to match up with what u have commonly heard the trans experience is about. once u figure stuff out and r more comfortable w urself u may look back and notice things that may b like that common trans experience, but remembering this stuff or having these childhood experiences or whatever in the first place is not a ‘requirement’. like i said, no requirements for bein a dif gender

for me like.. knowing it for sure... making the Jump as it were. like its kinda embarrassing but literally the way i Found Out was i was feeling all sorts of things whenever i watched promare and i just felt this INTENSE longing whenever i saw galo that i later realized was just me rly feeling the Gender w him and being envious of that.. it had happened w other chars b4 growing up, but i had never rly noticed to that extent till now. and one night i was thinking my usual ‘i wish i looked like galo i wish i could be a guy’ maybe for the first time in like a Conscious thought, when i had never rly heard it in words b4, and i kinda stopped and was like. what? i WHAT? and then it clicked and it was like a euphoric moment for me. easily top 5 best 2 ams of my life. it is kind of a hyperspecific experience but it is also not UNCOMMON rly lol

also figuring out my sexuality was intertwined in that bc i was iding as a butch nonbinary lesbian and i had tossed the idea of ‘maybe id b more comfortable as a man’ around a bit but the idea of being a straight man didnt feel right 2 me, but luckily i kind of made the connection of wait im a man and im attracted to men at like the exact same time, it had to b both at once for me personally to figure it out and b happy about it. idk if thats smth going thru ur head at all but it was for me and was part of my Journey i guess and may help to think abt it a bit lol

and while yes its absolutely about what makes u more comfortable at the end of the day, i think it wouldve helped for me to hear ppl say that just bc the idea of being a dif gender (in this case Man) might make u feel confused and maybe even uncomfortable rn, that doesnt necessarily mean u r not one if youve been struggling w this and wondering, it might just mean u havent had that clicky moment and r ready to rly think abt it yet. i have grown much more comfortable w myself over time as ive figured this stuff out and i am still open to figuring out more abt myself and i think thats a good place to b at! just b open to stuff like this that u maybe had never thought would have a positive effect on you or make you happier.

speaking from experience i think if ur confused and maybe even miserable telling urself that womanhood is just like that and u gotta suck it up and get used to feeling uncomfortable and bad, u dont have to live like that! im not saying that ‘oh im actually a guy’ is gonna b what everyone who is struggling w thats answer is cuz obviously thats not true- and im not saying how i just described it is even how u feel- but like. as someone who thought that same thing but less consciously. womanhood does not have to be a confusing sad experience, its not an inherently miserable experience, it is possible it just isnt for you and trying smth else might make u feel better. and that can b rly hard to figure out in the moment, cuz ur Used to feeling like this and even if youve heard it can b different it might b hard to have that ‘oh theyre talking to ME, it can be different for ME not just everyone else’ moment lol

also i dont know if this is relevant to u but im saying it in general 2 anyone who needs it i guess; being a man isnt a bad thing and it doesnt make u an inherently bad person, manhood and masculinity r not inherently or naturally toxic or something. thats a harmful mindset to have for multiple reasons and a whole nother post so im not gonna b like and now a word about transphobic red flags but like, worth mentioning that that can b harmful or dangerous to trans ppl, transmascs and transfems.

my god this got rly long... if anyone else has went thru a similar thing and has anything 2 add, feel free to :0 hope i somehow got around to answering ur question w all the rambling! i am just one guy and my experience may or may not b helpful to hear about, especially bc my memory is not the best lol <3 hope it helped at all tho!

[leonbastralle]

It’s A Giant Reply Post!

Remember this theme where I look at the comments like ‘should I do a reply post?...nah I’m good for another day’ and then throughout this day I get a sudden flood of comments so in the end my reply post turns out to be a giant ass wall of text that will annoy everyone on their dash? Yeah, it’s back. It was never gone.

also tumblr has been eating comments so I hope I got them all...I might not and I’m sorry about that

pixeldemographics replied to your post “Catiiplies Vol. 21759 (I Counted)”

6) i truly wanna dance with the witchy kids but im terrible

you wrote this last night so this counts towards u me night

pixeldemographics replied to your post “Catiiplies Vol. 21759 (I Counted)”

5) u coward gimme that neck ;)

here u r here is a neck

pixeldemographics replied to your post “Catiiplies Vol. 21759 (I Counted)”

4) in dadgraabs case its the balls that are also blue but are not Blue Balls but they still need rep

im crying why is this a thing but yes i agree

pixeldemographics replied to your post “Catiiplies Vol. 21759 (I Counted)”

3) THE B BALL GAM E IS IN THE PLANS BOOK I CRY SO MUCH ILL DIE

YES U MIGHT AND YES ITS IMPORTANT SO OFC IT IS IN THE PLANS BOOK

pixeldemographics replied to your post “Catiiplies Vol. 21759 (I Counted)”

2) nip town is best town

it is absolutely! also now that i have access to my Professional Library i can tell you that it was born on october 23rd and i think it partly originated from me looking at sim underwear beCAUSE IT WAS THE DAY AFTER THE CALENDAR (rip calendar probably)

pixeldemographics replied to your post “Catiiplies Vol. 21759 (I Counted)”

1) yes we are the meme legacy i cant believe this is our....... legacy

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU JUST MADE IT TEN TIMES BETTER I WAS JUST TRYING TO BE FUNNY AND YOU MADE IT A THING I H8 U

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “G: I felt the same way about Mel and Pathi at first. But let me tell...”

im living for this wholesome content

:,) glow shouldve been heir man

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “G: You’re a great sister, and she can be lucky to have you, Connie. C:...”

glow pls teach this child to lov herself

thats his goal for everyone tbh glow is just the most stupidly supportive person on sweet earth hE IS THE BEST I CRY

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “C: So, Glow. Any particular reason you wanted to talk to me? Is this...”

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH IM CRYING GLAAAADE

SHES GOOD DW shes like...not rly in lov? just idolising very extremely

twinsimskeletons replied to your photoset “G: *clutches chest dramatically* Oh Conifer, such harsh words! You and...”

love how close they are

me too ;_; talk about sibling goals

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “Glow: Politics. It sure is strange. The twists and turns it takes....”

ALL THE EYE EMOJIS AND SCREAMING IM YELLING AND CRYING

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ME TOO i was so close to making this big but youll thank me that i didnt

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “C: Hey guys! What are you reading about?”

this is just in the glowt3 is adorable is the news

:ooo but is that rly news

twinsimskeletons replied to your photoset “C: ITS THE EYE OF THE TIGER ITS THE THRILL OF THE FIGHT RISING UP TO...”

now that's in my head fuc u

I’m almost sorry

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “M: Connie! Greetings, butterfly!! How are you doing? My, you look...”

iM CRYING THIS IS SO CUTE

MEL IS THE BEST PROTECC HER

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “Pretty breakfast faces on the sofa is such a Theme this gen.”

a Wholesome Theme u mean

yes that too but still v strained

twinsimskeletons replied to your photoset “T: Okay, but I bet I’ve been exercising more than you lately! Just...”

What style

if you mean Opal, then yes, this guy has a gr9 style

sugarsimms replied to your photoset “C: Glow?  G: Come in! The door’s open.”

This pose asdfghjkl

it was for 3 chars and I was gonna get Mel too but their sofa is too close to the wall and it wouldn’t have worked I cry ;_; but yes a good pose a great pose

sugarsimms replied to your photoset “Pretty breakfast faces on the sofa is such a Theme this gen.”

pretty faces full stop are a theme for every gen thanks.

you said full stop and used a full stop look at you go

sugarsimms replied to your photoset

huggles

yes thank u for noticing

sugarsimms replied to your photoset “M: Connie! Greetings, butterfly!! How are you doing? My, you look...”

reminds me of how viv talks

if anything she’s a very excited, never salty or judgmental viv xD

sugarsimms replied to your photoset

YEs

sugarsimms replied to your photoset

Yes

sugarsimms replied to your photoset

<.<

♥

twinsimskeletons replied to your photoset “C: Well, finally! That shoot was a mess. Evening! You must be the...”

She is GORGEOUS

SHE IS I WANT THIS LEVEL OF SIM MAKING SKILL

twinsimskeletons replied to your photoset “Iiiiit’s party time!”

[Theoden voice] I know that face

twinsimskeletons replied to your photoset “J: AGHHH! G: Wow, you’re like…*pants* REALLY tense. What on earth have...”

my back is so sore I need this

trust me he would totally give you one for free because he’s just so nice

twinsimskeletons replied to your photoset “M: So your party is tonight and you’re not running around like an ant...”

SUCH EXCITEMENT AND CAPS

YES IT WOULDN’T BE MEL WITHOUT EXCITEMENT AND CAPS

amixofpixels replied to your post “I AM A TERRIBLE PERSON PLEASE SOMEONE PUNCH ME OUT OF PROCRASTINATING”

I can't do that! ;________; But I will if I have to. *Insert determined face*

I appreciate this comment my friend, all of it

amixofpixels replied to your photo “i’ve been revived!!!”

I, too, am revived, but that could be because I've actually posted stuff. XD BUT WELL DONE, OLD CHAP!!!

ah yes that might actually be it XD THANK YOU!! though it’s still behaving oddly so...I have no idea what it’s hiding from me.

alfalfalegacy replied to your photoset “C: I’m feeling watched. S: My daughter is after me the purest and most...”

Protect her at all costs

alfalfalegacy replied to your photoset “C: I’m feeling watched. S: My daughter is after me the purest and most...”

Same

i wonder what it is lately with all those cinnamon roll Miracles man...they’re all so pure...

melien replied to your photoset “Charlotte: Okay. So. I just…about last week. Conifer: Yeah? Charlotte:...”

Awww can I fight these assholes pls

you’ll have to get in line

melien replied to your photoset “FICUS FRIDAY IS QUALITY CONTENT BY TUMBLR DOT COM USER ROMEO AND...”

God I FELT these tickles

is that...good or bad?

melien replied to your photoset “S: Hey dad-wow. What happened to you? You’re…blue!! G: I know! I have...”

You're blue now that's my attack

i’M CRYING I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU PULLED THIS OFF I’M SO MAD

amixofpixels replied to your post “Are you still doing the most attractive because if so, I have to go...”

Robins for you, Connelly's for me.

amixofpixels replied to your post “Are you still doing the most attractive because if so, I have to go...”

Well, just to have the Connelly's, in my game then, won't we? ;)

I trust you with that!

amixofpixels replied to your post “Are you still doing the most attractive because if so, I have to go...”

I know the cause and it still makes me sad. ;________;

that’s okay, as long as you’re not disappointed in me xD

bouquet-of-scissors replied to your post “Can you share 10 facts about Trellis? :3 No "send this to 5 five...”

Yay!! I just remembered sending this yesterday actually. XD I think Trellis is becoming a fave for me, even more so after reading this

awwww really? that’s good to know, because she definitely needs some fans ♥

pirouettingplumbobs replied to your photoset “Close ups of the crew! I added three more because I need help XD Idk...”

I can’t see names on mobile but I’m loving the first chick with glasses and the one with short hair and s hat! So cute! And like terrifying at the same time.

that was the point (cute and terrifying) so I’m glad I got that to work! They were so much fun to make ;_;

[kkukkung]

v lorge ask compilation below

some of these asks date back like??? a few months??? dsdjkfhk... they’re ordered from newest to oldest i’m so sorry... messy messy

Ur blog is the plush jooheon is going like 😯😷😨😷😷 😵😫😱 to

it... is......... honestly i think jooheon is the member i’d get along w the least irl?? i can’t explain it but?? mb bc he’s a libra? also the fact that hyungwon received that huge shrimp plush n held it like a foetus is so :’’0000

annie tumblr is gonna censor ur whole blog cause ur gay

Good.

so... shart is ur New fav word now huh, guess that ges into my dictionary now...

shart made a comeback from 2016 me’s vocab and i don’t even know how it happened? :(

Sjdnkwldwnnw u ruined that punch scene in shine forever,, I can't watch it without thinking about your "my meat, me" gif 

the best gif i ever made??? gkjkjf sorry i rly am the most irrelevant person on this damn website? also that rly was my first thought when i watched the mv.... or maybe second thought after thinking “god i wish shownu would punch me like that”

changkyun is really so happy recently, he smiles so much and his eyes crinkle, its the cutest thing i have ever seen like ??!?! i want to protect him, just roll him up in a blanket and show him memes on my phone

he is!!!!! his happiness is my own happiness?? and when he smiles ur right he goes like >__< he’s rly the cutest boy alive? and this ask is so relatable esp the last part... if ck were my friend irl i’d just text him memes all day???

pls deactivate

relatable

I'm so soft rn. How can I FUCKING tell them how much I love them. Like I want to grab wonho's sweet squishy face and give his forehead a big SMOOCH. These boys deserve so much and I want to convey that to them in person but I CAN'T. And if I had the chance I'd probably ugly crying too hard to say anything.

this ask is so cute??? and i understand the dilemma like... idols are ppl who give & receive so much love every day expressed in 28347982 different ways so it’s hard knowing how to rly... Let Them Know just how happy they make u thru their existence alone? crying with u anon

yikes wait what happened w jinyoung?? i thought he was one of the few unproblematic ones...

[diff anon] jinyoung was on a tv show where he was playing a past love interest or something and he kisses the actress who's only 14..

i.... won’t comment on this bc i don’t want to stir up old drama but :/ aah i see... thank u for letting me know!

i started talking like you and another person who has similar typing patterns to you and now all my friends hate me bc of slorp and spicy

sdfjkghksdfkjfgkjds im rly sorry this happened to u... at first my friends were resistant but after a while they started picking it up as well thru exposure so... infect them jksfjjkgf... also add shart to the menu i guess? :/

Kihyun's kink is making people flustered. On the gifseft he's like "There's so many things I can do with my mouth, let me show you honey." He will grab your neck firmly yet delicately while he invades your personal space. Keeping eye contact is troublesome, this new proximity tastes as dangerous as the underlying promise of what will come next. But Hyungwon never figured it out since he backed out, breaking the siren's spell.

(response to this gifset i think? jshdfkjff) BLEASE... im writing a hyungki fic right now as we speak ✍️📝 anyway i like this characterisation of dom!kihyun bc irl he would be very dominant ??? and in fics he’s always the bottom just bc he’s #smol 🙄 but i mean he’s ?? so aware of his own sex appeal sometimes so he’d be like a switch/top/power bottom imo

you're right, you aren't into vore. More like in slorping and smorching knees/feet, and other nsfw things.

tbh im only fake horny :/ im a romantic deep down.. want to watch the sunset with lmh....... accidentally drop my bag of skittles on the dirt and he eats them up like a vacuum cleaner jksfdhkjgfkjfdhjgfjhjks

Annie, i feel like you'll understand me. Whenever I see Minhyuk, i feel a mixture of extreme lust, great anger and a desire to have my head bashed in because he's real and nothing else matters anymore. It's really.... not what i wanted in life 

another #relatable ask... i want to take minhyuk out on a candlelit dinner date but like.... at kfc and we’ll both be touching each other’s cheeks with our greasy hands like animals... like raccoons scavenging for trash in a dumpster

'kihyun stans are foot fetishists'' UHM!!! this is tru i would slorp kihyuns whole foot in one go

i don’t rmbr writing this but skjdfhfgsdkjgjk it... it really is true huh...

hi annie, i just wanted to ask you what your take on wonho's personality is? ive read your tags before and how you say he is very romantic in how he presents things, and i thought that was interesting!

aaa, i think i’ll write a proper post on this later bc it’s also something that interests me a lot... until then i’ll just say that i think he’s indeed very romantic and loves pleasing people... his driving force is rly Love u know... love for people (family, members, fans), for his job, for music, etc... he’s very soft and imaginative and sometimes that comes across as a kind of childish innocence?? more on this later

i wanna kno more abt the customer whos coming in more lately,, i lov regulars that come in at my job - it's such an interesting half relationship

hgfjjjsk this ask is from a month ago n i think i was talking abt that customer who asked me if i wanted to die but in a casual way?? jsfdkh i work at a tobacco store so this guy asked me if i smoked n i was like “uhm no i don’t” so he went “what? are you afraid to die?” and i stood there like... kind of dumbfounded for a sec jksfhg but he’s a nice guy n very cool... nvr seen his eyes b4 bc he always has rly dark shades on n he buys the cheapest cigarettes n leaves. but most regulars i get are like chinese international students spending their parents’ money on cigs and some sweet old men who always want the same smokes... there’s this one old man who always wears matching vintage suits n pairs it w a fancy hat n once he complimented my outfit and i was thrilled?? also some creeps come n chat me up while im working sometimes which is a bit :/// but mostly i like my job and it’s interesting interacting w regulars! thank u for this ask n im sry if this was like super boring lmao

idc what it says about me but Minhyuk rushing to eat chicken bones off the fucking floor brought him from 'would play Mario Kart and share nachos with' to 'would play Mario Kart and share bodily fluids with' levels

i want to Die.................... when he tried to eat those half-eaten chicken bones off the ground....... that was the moment that solidified his image as a Dirty Dirt Man in my head like he’s a Real Gremlin... i said it for fun b4 but it’s... a real thing. he’s actually Disgusting skjdfhjdkf... also anon u sound like a gremlin too??? join our big gremlin family???

wtf is "That" ????? and why is it related to kihyuck ?? - knowing ur tags it should be something gross, but u said it in such an onimous way; annie, i am scared.

i genuinely don’t rmbr what this was abt djgjs i write a lot of tags that don’t make sense even to me like a few weeks later?? sjdfjhkjsk i’m sorry... gotta start answering these in time so they actually have any kind of relevance... 

"That kink where you just want to be crushed....just like pulverized. Asking for a friend" Bless this tag

again.. don’t rmbr writing this tag and don’t rmbr the post i wrote it for but um, yeah, sounds like smth i said jkfdgsjfdjk im so sorry...

i just had a dream where minhyuk showed up, called me sexy and then left???

fun fact whenever ppl tell me abt their dreams here it’s always to do with minhyuk doing something weird??? also God I Wish That Were Me...

why do u say jooheon is def experienced tho? he legit said he never had a girlfriend in his life and it's clear seeing him interact with women, he has no idea what to do? unless you mean gay experiences, that's probably very true

THE LAST LINE OF THIS ASK JKDHKJD.... um i think joobs is experienced bc i actually think he’s sorta smooth? he’s pretty flirtatious w female hosts on the shows mx appears on like... w jimin on asc and w seulgi on idol battle likes... i don’t mean experience as in a lot of idk.. sexual experiences (if anything he’d b the type to be v devoted to someone if he was dating them i think) but i feel like he does know how to present himself in a certain... attractive light especially in front of cute girls? idk if i’m saying this right... 

ur minhyuk tags are so fnny and hella relatable im dying n 😂😭😂

my minhyuk tags: slorp... asterisk asterisk asterisk x10... nut... gremlin dirt man... nut nut... nutting... dksjfgkj but thank u?

but you ARE funny lol I laughed so hard at that bird/Shownu reference

gfjkgjkjk u can tell how old these asks are from the things they’re referring to... but nevertheless thank u sm im sry im a mess... at least im a funny mess to a select few ppl... thank u for enjoying my messy blob... i lov u

no exit ep 5 was a mess but wonho was lookin reeeal cute w those glasses tbh

???? what the fuck, where they serious about that fuckin Mathew the tiger??? If yes, then again, wtf??

jdsfjksk i still can’t believe Those Episodes of no exit rly happened...

i love your tags so much especially the ones where you imply that minhyuk's actually an alien "# he rly doesn't know what to do w his arms he hasn't possessed a human body in so long" lol

HE RLY IS AN ALIEN... like he’s obviously attractive n was popular in school n smart n funny n cute but sometimes he does the most unexplainable things n it makes me rly wonder if he’s human??? he’s so fucking weird u kno i love my alien gremlin dirt man... take me for a ride in ur ufo...

You @ wonho: :( sweet baby u deserve everything good You @ minhyuk: literally slorp my p**** you fucking snake

SHUT UP...

i started using slorp too help

this ask was sent 3 months ago... i can’t believe i’ve been saying slorp for three months...

um..... i luv u???smorch

smorch u back??? big sloppy smorch that leaves u disgusted???

Hey Annie, would you mind a short description of the Monsta X No Exit Chanel+ video?

i’m sry abt how late this is jsfdjkg but if anyone’s still interested... yeah the no exit video where they explained the hypnotism was p much just bts of jooheon and shownu getting hypnotised... and it kind of legitimised it ig bc joobs said he was concentrating super super super hard (and hypnotism only works when ur focusing that much??) n so did shownu... my ch+ actually expired recently so this is just from what i rmbr hfdjsdjkh if anyone else can contribute pls do! otherwise i will get a renewal soon and after that i could do a better summary if you’re still interested! sorry!!

Um...why are jooheons vocals slept on...what the fcuk he's so??? Nice to listen to??

tbh why is jooheon such a golden boy... literally good at everything... can sing dance (one of the best dancers in mx??) and rap.... compose... write lyrics... play 328974 diff instruments... cute n sexy at the same time.... what the fuck

I'm trying to figure out what your censored tags are but apparently my vocabulary of nasties is pretty limited

im glad??? pls don’t read the next part of this ask compilation ksfhkgsd

!!!nsfw asks... spare urself please...!!!

uhhhhhh for the nastea ask comp... kihyuns p*thy eating lips??? true, but whats the most to least best at eating out ranking order?

1. kihyun/wonho

2. shownu (would try v hard??? earnest man??)

3. hyungwon (idk i think he’s gotta be Good somehow i mean look at his lips??)

4. jooheon

5. changkyun

6. minhyuk (can’t find clitoris :/)

I would like to hear more about kihyun's p**** e**ing lips tbh 👀... please elaborate

idk what to say but i feel like the way he moves his lips sometimes is ??? erotic jskfdhkgjfdj and same w wonho... also the lisp has some relevance 2 ***** eating idk there’s a tie there somewhere...

I FEEL DIRTY WATCHING KIHYUNS BODY ROLLS ON WEEKLY IDOL I WOULD **** his **** at fucking lightning speed

rmbr when we thought sexy!kihyun Peaked during beautiful era w the return of the black hair but now he’s running around w a blindfold n showing off his new shredded body at any given moment.. yeah

(in reference to minhyuk probly not knowing where the clit is) minhyuk: *reaches into the back of your throat and flicks your uvula* "hows that feel babe? ;)"

reading this took years off my life i hate u

I disagree.Minhyuk is probably the most kinky out of monsta x.He just doesn't show it like every other expert in the field 👀👀

mmm i think hyungwon could be a Freak? jskdhfkg but ur right minhyuk is definitely someone who’s up for like... experimental stuff :/

[vegils]

im... a sucker 4 surveys hey!!!

1: What is your name and does it mean anything?

marinella, someone told me it means “traveller” but i highly doubt that i like the break down of my name more marina, meaning “of the sea” and ella for “guiding light”

2: How long have you known your best friend? 

my best friend sweetlana!!! been my good friend!!! for 7 DANG YEARS!!! 

3: What position do you normally sleep in? 

i sleep in fetal/yearning position and i think the description of the personalities that sleep in fetal/yearning position is very accurate

4: Were you a part of any “clique” in high school?

mmm i hung out with a lot of different people in high school i went through several cliques in the span of my four years i hung out with “popular” people, artsy groups, anime nerds, and drama people

5: Who was your favorite teacher in high school and why? 

my biggest inspiration was my speech and drama teacher!! i love u miss macuha!!! one time i was crying about her leaving and she grabbed me by the shoulders and told me to never back down and keep doing what i’m doing and that some day i’ll be a great performer and i bawled on her lap she’s an angel and to this day her words still haunt me!! i never felt the reward a teacher reaped from seeing a student reach their full potential

6: Do you wish to travel a lot?

because im so young i do think about travelling a lot but it makes me sad to think about never being able to travel and i have gone to places but i wish i could see other grander countries i never had the opportunity to see

7: Did you participate in any sports while in school?

um...... i played badminton lmao 

8: Show a sample of your handwriting:

how tho

9: Have you ever given blood?

apparently if ur anemic or have history of anemia then u can’t donate blood which makes me sad if i could i would!!!

10: Do you like the way that you grew up?

besides all the fun i had i wish i grew up more confident i am a very doubtful person and i grew up in a pretty hostile home and it felt very scattered and broken to me and i just wish those situations were different, other than that i think i am lucky to grow up ok

11: Do you like your siblings? Why or why not?

i like all of my sisters but they can get very frustrating at times i think we stand better now than we did as kids

12: How did you meet your best friend and why did you become friends?

i met sweetlana on the strokes tumblr tinychat back when they had a roaring fandom and we discovered that we’re both from chicago and we’d talk about silly things and we lost touch for a while but then we reconnected and she’s so darling!!! she would show me her paintings of the blues brothers and we’d talk about our hopes and wishes and now i realize we’ve been doing that for 7 years!!! all we do is exchange selfies and drawings and fantasize about crushes !!!i love her! i can’t imagine not knowing her and never meeting her!

13: Name one movie that made you cry.

my girl.......... shit dude

14: Do you prefer to read poetry, write poetry, or neither?

i’m not poetic but i like to HEAR poetry i love hearing the delivery 

15: Things about someone that you find attractive?

i love people who are kind and thoughtful which is rly generic i also love the funny it doesn’t even have to be calculated jokes it can just be the way you said something or a facial expression i like people who manage to share a language with me that can’t be figured out by other people i think having a connection to a person where you can read each others minds can b creepy but also cool cuz u hang out w them so often that you can basically understand each other without much effort 

16: What song are you currently listening to now?

year of the rabbit by eskimeaux

17: Have you ever broken a bone? If so, how?

nope 

18: A random memory from you childhood:

going to chinatown and racing to the chinese zodiac signs and climbing up the stairs with my sisters, getting sponge cake and walking around the old sanrio store pointing out what i want

19: Where did you grow up? chicago 

20: What was the last thing you watched on tv?

lmao we’re watching 13RW and its not for everyone but i read the book and im v invested

21: Do you think you’d make a good parent?

really!! hope id be! i mean i am cool with or without having kids but i want to be a good parent

22: Would you like to meet any of your Tumblr friends in person?

i already met some of my tumblr friends!! i met sweetlana and coney!!! i would like to meet @iamonmy-way when will i meet u!!! 

22: What was the last dream you remember having?

my phone was hacked and it looked like internet explorer on my iphone and my cousin tried to retrieve back to normal by playing against my hacker on a boss battle level of mario

23: When is your birthday?

june 2 :---)

24: How many pillows do you sleep with? 

2 and 1 reading pillow ^_^

25: Do you wear glasses? If so, how long have you been wearing glasses?

i’ve been wearing eye glasses since i was 6 and i’m 21 now so u do the math bud

26: What color is your hair?

black/brown

27: Name 5 facts about your appearance:

ive been told i have a nice complexion, small mouth, chubby cheeks, small hands and long torso

28: What is your favorite soda?

cream.. soda... i need to go to Hell

29: What is a strange talent that you have?

reading peoples moods online lmao 

30: How’s the weather right now?

a cool and calming evening 

31: Why did one of your friendships end?

this question makes me sad lmao

32: Who do you miss right now?

oops i can’t reveal who or what or when but i am missing someone

33: Why did your last relationship end?

because i realized i don’t like them that much and that i don’t understand dating I AM A VERY CONFUSED PERSON when i reflect on dating i realize i hate it so much but also crave it but when i have it i’m very repulsed

34: Are you still figuring out who you are? 

yes!!! i am frustrated at myself because i don’t know who i am or what i want and i feel like it has set me back so much that i’m stagnant 

35: Have you ever been admitted to a hospital? Why? 

ya i had dengue fever and it was probably the most concerned i’ve seen my parents with me

36: What is your favorite restaurant?

pastaria!!! in st louis!! it’s so good!

37: What is word that you always seem to spell wrong?

privilege 

38: Would ever adopt kids?

not against the idea of adopting children!!! 

39: What is your favorite kind of pizza?

i like spinach on my pizza

40: What was your first thought when you woke up this morning?

why is it so dreadful to find yourself in bed with a whole day ahead of you

41: When was the last time you got really really happy and why? 

um!!! my crush!!! k*rt !!! when we played the game!! and they were teasing and attacking me during the game! ah!!! 

42: What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever eaten?

defo dinuguan (pigs blood stew)!! i dont recommend!! i just dip my puto in the sauce and call it a day! not a laman fan! 

43: How do you start a conversation?

i tell them something embarrassing that’s also relateable and revealing and hope they find me somebody to be comfortable around!!!

44: What’s a band you’ve been obsessed with lately?

i hate answering this....... but joji........

45: Do you come from a family “of money?”

nah dude

46: Do you have a bucket list?

i think that’s what my life was missing tbh

47: What is your favorite series of books?

i don’t know i haven’t read a series of books in quite a long time i think i pretended to like percy jackson in high school lmao and i was such a nerd for hunger games but i don’t think anything could replace my deepest love for series of unfortunate events, the boxcar children, judy moody, and horrible harry! ooh! and amelia bedelia!!!

48: When was the last time you laughed so hard your stomach hurt?

i laughed rly hard last night cause patrick was so invested in 13 reasons why and my sister n i kept asking 4 justice 4 zach dempsey and patrick threw a pillow at me for saying that what zach did was severe in hannah’s eyes

49: Where do you go when you’re sad?

i slip into bed and silently cry or if i don’t need that i cry in the shower ahhh how pathetic

50: 5 random facts about yourself:

i actually am rly good at acting and i don’t think anybody but high school and college ppl know this, i’m painfully shy, i don’t like mayo!! all of my goldfish in the past have all been named variations of “Freddy” and !!! i am rly good at stitch (from disney’s lilo and stitch) impressions

[truly-aninspiration-blog]

im just gonna fuck u up ALL for hades AND idk uhhh kiki sure that's prolly ur hardest one lmao have fun w that

wow man 

HADES 

A = Aftercare Hades is honestly...not the best at cuddling. He can, but around the uh... 5 minute...10 minute MAX mark, he starts feeling sticky and gross and he’s like ok i need 2 go shower or something this is terrible brb, 

B = Body part Hades knows he is an attractive person. He thinks he looks AMAZING. Fave part? All of them. On Belle, I mean, he loves her for her mind first i have to clarify this before i go on to say boobs he really-- likes them ok i 

C = CumGross. Cum is sticky and gross and he’d rather not deal with it. Plus of condoms man-- get all that cum in one place. 

D = Dirty Secret Uhhhhhhhhh gosh so many probably in terms of what he wants to do to Belle. He definitely wants to go down on her. He probably has imagined her going down on him. hades makes me uncomfortable

E = Experience Hades only had a few ish partners before Belle. He only rly ever had nondescript sex, usually quickies. He faked like #makinglove if it got him a room 2 sleep in ahhahF = Favourite Position Uh he’s fucked a lot from behind that’s as good one he has maximum control G = Goofy: Hades has the potential to be goofy. He has...never been goofy before during sex. I think he and Belle exchanged some cute silly words a few times mostly to break the tension or make Belle feel at ease. I’d love to see his goofier sideH = Hair: Hades keeps himself immaculately trimmed (doesn’t shave but-- trimmed). Very well groomed.  I = Intimacy: With Belle, he is very intimate. He likes looking in her eyes and stuff, very much wants to make sure she is taken care of. J = Jack Off Hades rly isn’t into masturbating tbh. He’d have to get a real itch to do it, otherwise, he just ignores it bc he has that gr8 level of control and sex has never been a big part of his life. 

sides u try being a 14 year old masturbating while there r ghosts in ur shower see how far that gets uK = KinkUh idk if Hades is educated enough in the wacky world of sex to have many ‘kinks.’ Like, besides maybe wanting to change it up with Belle and do more oral lmao I don’t think he’s that wild of a guy. Again, he rly is demisexual-- sex is not a big part of his life/concerns. L = Location A shower is nice bc clean up and sex all in one!  M = Motivation Mostly for intimacy purposes. If Belle wants to do it? Idk. When he’s feeling all soft and vulnerable lmao

N = NO Uh well Hades is like so pragmatic he could do honestly anything if asked tbh? I don’t think he has any moral qualms. If Belle wants to be slapped a’ight. Dress up as a beast? (heheh) A’ight. O = Oral Hades likes the idea of giving Belle oral bc he takes pleasure from giving pleasure it makes him feel #powerfulP = Pace answeredQ = Quickie answeredR = RiskansweredS = Stamina Hades has relatively good stamina. Probably bounce back in a half hour and bc he showers after sex, he isn’t one to fall asleep. He could go again. T = Toy Not yet!!! Toys would honestly make him real amused at first, but ok if his partner wants... U = Unfair Hades would LOVE teasing Belle. He’s actually more playful than u’d think and I think that’s why the idea of going down on her is so appealing ehheV = Volume Not noisy at all. He does a couple deep grunts u know that kinda thing. But rly he has amazing self control and he can be entirely silent if needed. W = Wild Card gosh uh-- Hades has given a bloke a handjob once and pickpocketed him after. look, he and seph needed 2 eat seph did tarot readings and hades gave handjobs, 

X = X-RayHades is about 6.5, sort of sleeender. It’s a leftie bc he’s a leftie hehe Y = Yearning I wanna say he’s kind of neutral here for the most part. When he realized he was in love with Belle and like-- makes out with her and stuff, he does wanna #getiton but sex rly is never at the forefront of his mind. He’s just as satisfied cuddling on the couch, doing a crossword. Z = ZZZNope! Not until he cleans himSELF 

KIKI

A = Aftercare KIKI IS A VIRGIN i imagine she’ll be cuddly tho? 

B = Body part KIKI IS A VIRGIN uh she rly loves her legs tbh loves wearing heels and being EVEN TALLER she’s never been self conscious about her height. 

C = CumKIKI IS A VIRGIN weirdly enough i feel like she’d be fascinated by cum i feel like a weirdo saying that 

D = Dirty Secret KIKI IS A VIRGIN kiki has had sex dreams and she’s always like uh that was weird, in the morning. 

E = Experience KIKI IS A VIRGINF = Favourite Position KIKI IS A VIRGING = Goofy: KIKI IS A VIRGINH = Hair: KIKI IS A VIRGIN but she! doesn’t really save down there at all! I mean does some trimming and stuff but she’s got a nice lil bushI = Intimacy: KIKI IS A VIRGIN but i feel like she’ll be pretty romantic. Kiki has always been kinda demisexual tbh so if she does have sex, the emotional connection needs 2 be thereJ = Jack Off this one makes me really uncomfortable... i mean... i dunno i feel like she hasn’t done it much she’s rly so stressed and barely thinks about sex and when she gets in her depressive funks she just sleeps all the time and barely has energy to like feed herself so she’s probably done it a bit when she was younger. not so much nOW 

K = KinkKIKI IS A VIRGINL = Location KIKI IS A VIRGIN uh she...on her broom sure M = Motivation Romance and intimacy!!

N = NO Kiki will not want to hURT herself i know that up front ahaha. O = Oral KIKI IS A VIRGIN  idk ppl tbh i sorta feel like she’d like giving oral P = Pace KIKI IS A VIRGIN she likes 2 go fast on her broom so WHO KNOWSQ = Quickie KIKI IS A VIRGIN i mean she could get down for that she’d probably think it’s kinda funny like teehee R = RiskKIKI IS A VIRGIN and tbh she’d be really unsure. she’d need instructions. like she’d need her partner to walk thru it and maybe to watch porn of whatever they were trying to help her visualize and understand ahaha she’s a total -claw so S = Stamina KIKI IS A VIRGIN but honestly she’d probably have great stamina T = Toy KIKI IS A VIRGIN  broomstick U = Unfair KIKI IS A VIRGIN i could totally see her teasing her partner a lot. Like lil handjobs and stuff under tables and inappropriate places, she’d get a lot of enjoyment from making someone else pleasured + happy ughV = Volume KIKI IS A VIRGIN uhhhh she’s really practiced at crying quietly to herself so jiji wont hear so. . . W = Wild Card one of her sex dreams was about MAUI why not she follows him on insta and thinks he’s really cute,,, 

X = X-Rayummmm kiki has a nice dark, lush bush as stated befoooore. uhhh kiki hasn’t really looked at her own vagina much honestly and tbh i have not looked at enough differences in vaginas to really visualize this Y = YearningKiki kinda yearns for a relationship in a way like-- she doesn’t think about it much, but when she does it def bums her out and she feels lonely and watches kdramas and other rom coms in her bed alone ahah. She doesn’t really yearn for the sex part as much as she does someone who will...love her and believe in her and make her feel special, since she’s always feel so not special :/ Z = ZZZtbh i think she’d be the type to get energized from sex like the energizer bunny like WAHOO TIME TO GO AGAIN/DO SPELLS/RIDE ON MY BROOM