#there are so many stays in portugal like this shit will never make sense to me 😭

[bandzboy]

it's not like i would go to this skz tour anyway but why is jype allergic to portugal?? ANSWER ME QUICK !!

[reysdriver]

Come Home & We'll Talk | J.P.

part 2 of Behind The Venue; James comes home to ask you to stay with him — rockstar!james x fem!reader angst/fluff

warnings: angst, swearing, mentions of like sexual acts

words: 0.9k

a/n: sorry this took forever lol, y'all wanted a happy ending so here it is

You hadn’t looked at any social media since finding out about James and Lily, nor did you want to. Giving James a chance to tell you everything was better than surfing through a whole bunch of pity, lies, and other crap on the internet. 

You sent James a text—another thing you hadn’t checked since—and told him the only way you were willing to talk about what happened would be if he came home in the middle of the boys’ tour. 

You honestly hadn’t expected him to come back at all—let alone the next day—so when he showed up with a giant bouquet of pink roses, you reluctantly let him inside your shared flat. 

“I’m sorry, my love. I came back so you could hear that.” He told you, putting the flowers down on your kitchen table. 

“No, you came back because you got caught with Lily Evans and I told you I wouldn’t talk over the phone.”

He slumped his shoulders and took off his backpack. Was that all he brought back? He dropped it onto the floor by his feet, but looked hesitant to do anything else. 

“But I promise you I’m sorry. I’ll explain everything.”

Ignoring the flowers, you sat down on your couch and James followed, but stayed on the other side in case you didn’t want him to touch you. 

“How long has it been going on?” You asked sadly. Any preamble or excuses would just be bothersome, you just wanted to know the details. 

“Not long. It was just after a show in Lisbon, I was really missing you and Lily said we should all go out to a bar to cheer me up. We got drunk and did some stuff, but we never had sex.”

He knew that didn’t make it much better, but he was going to drop every detail that could help his case. 

“And how many times have you ‘done stuff’ since then?”

“Since Portugal, we haven’t done anything more than make out. It was only a few times, and I felt like shit every single time.” James admitted. “I should have told you—”

“Yeah, you should have.” You told him firmly. You would have felt strong if it weren’t for the shake in your voice with every word. “Instead, you let it get out to the whole world, and I had to find out through a bunch of your fans.” 

“I know. I was wrong. I’m a coward, my love. I was going to, but I kept worrying that you would leave me. I need you in my life.” 

“So much so that you went and messed around with her?”

“It was bloody stupid, I know. I already told her that anything we had is over, even if you don’t take me back. But, please, I’ll do anything for you to stay with me.”

As much as you hated to admit it, he seemed genuine. Like he really was sorry about what he did, like he really did need you. It wasn’t quite enough, but he was getting there. 

“Was she the only one? This was the only time?”

James sensed that you were starting to accept his apology, but he wasn’t going to smile and celebrate yet. “Yes, I promise. This was the only time it’s ever happened and it’ll be the last too.”

“How do I know that, Jamie?” 

“(y/n), I will let you cut my dick off if that’s what you need to believe I’ll never do it again.” He used his hands to act out the idea he had just described and it made you laugh through your persistent teary eyes. “I’ll let you keep my hands and feet tied any time I’m away from you?”

“Promise?”

“I promise. We aren’t doing any more shows with her band anymore, and I want you to come on the rest of the tour with us. The Marauders don’t need an opener, but I do need you.”

You already knew what you were going to say, but it was fun to tease him a bit after what he did. “And what if I don’t come with you? Then what would you do?”

“I won’t do anymore shows.” James said seriously. “I’ll stay here with you. I’ll make a million gestures to make it up to you—well, I’ll do that anyways, but I’ll just make a million gestures at home.” 

You scooted towards James’ side of the couch and picked up his hand to fidget with it. “Okay. I’ll come with you.” 

James needed to make sure he heard your mumbled words correctly and his ears weren’t just telling him what he wanted to hear. “You will? Really?”

“Yes.” You confirmed. “Mostly because your manager would be pissed and all your fans would be heartbroken if you missed all those shows.” 

You reached up to kiss him softly, thanking him for the apology and explanation. 

“And you’re not mad at me?” He asked as you kissed his cheek. “You forgive me?” 

“I trust that you won’t do it again and I’m staying with you, but you have a lot to do to make up for everything.”

“I’ll do anything.” He leaned down to kiss you again. It was more passionate than when you kissed him; he knew he had a lot more to thank you for than you did to him. 

He let off your lips and gestured to the kitchen with a nod of his head. “And you saw the flowers? You like them?”

You couldn’t help but laugh at him. “Yes, James, I saw the flowers. They’re very pretty.” 

“Good, ‘cause there’s a bouquet coming from every tour stop for you.”

[nugnthopkns]

i know you get deja vu

word count: 1.4k

warnings: explicit fem!reader, cursing, it's mild angst up in this b

recommended listening: deja vu | olivia rodrigo

a/n: wrote this short little ditty while avoiding my adult responsibilities lmao. it is not great but i really like the premise, maybe one day i'll do something more with it

Your eyes have to be failing you.

There’s no way he showed up, let alone with another girl – who looks shockingly similar to you. She’s a more polished, more refined version of yourself, and anger bubbles in your stomach the moment you see him walk through the door with her in tow.

When your parents informed you they’d invited Pierre-Luc to your graduation party you shrugged it off. Their reasoning was he’d been a large part of your college experience, and it was sound enough logic. You stumbled across him in a coffee shop during your freshman year and quickly fell into a romance that lasted until a few months ago. The breakup was rather brutal, though your family doesn’t know that, so you didn’t expect him to stop by your parents’ house to congratulate you on completing your degree.

Much to your distaste he does make an appearance, with who you presume to be his new girlfriend. You don’t want to stare at the pair, but you can’t help it – they look good together, possibly better than you and Pierre did. However, you notice that the young woman has on a dress that’s identical to one hanging at the back of your closest. Pierre had bought it for you when you accompanied him to France one offseason, and the thought of him replicating the trip with her crosses your mind.

Finding it too much to be in the same room as him, you excuse yourself from a conversation with some of your father’s business partners and grab your sister by the elbow on the way into the sunroom.

“What’s the matter with you?” She grumbles, upset you pulled her away from a conversation with a boy she has a tiny crush on.

“He’s here,” you whisper shout, doing your best to inconspicuously point to the culprit of your dampened spirits.

“Who?”

“Luc.”

Her expression softens, and it’s clear she feels sorry for you. “Shit. I didn’t think he was actually going to show up.”

You let out a rather strangled laugh. “Me either, but he’s here and I don’t know what to do.”

The two of you stay tucked inside for a few more moments, deriving a plan that gets your ex-boyfriend off the premises as fast as possible without him seeing you. She heads outside first, making sure to grab one of your cousins who’s obsessed with hockey on her way. Together they make a beeline for Pierre, who is beyond excited to catch up with your family. You slip through the door and into a conversation with some fellow graduates in the back corner of the yard. It isn’t interesting, just about future plans, but it keeps you occupied. You’re careful to keep you back turned and your voice low – anything to keep your existence inconspicuous.

Your sister keeps Pierre-Luc busy, chatting to him about how the playoffs went and what his goals for the offseason are. A small crowd gathers around him, mostly just extended family members who haven’t seen him in a while, and he indulges their questions with a kind smile. You can tell your luck is running out, that he’s finally going to spot you in the crowd and rush over to say whatever he came here for. The fates are cruel, and at that moment your mother calls everyone into a circle for a toast.

“I want to thank you all for coming,” she says, pulling you to stand beside her. You can tell Pierre is looking at you, but you avert your eyes and look anywhere but him. Your mother continues talking. “We’re incredibly proud of our daughter for completing her degree, and we can’t wait to see what she does next. If you’re here, we appreciate the role you played in her success. To Y/N!”

Your name is chanted like a chorus, and your eyes meet Pierre’s as he raises his glass. The intensity of his stare makes you blush, and you bury your head into your father’s shoulder, playing it off as being overcome with emotion. More toasts ensue, including one where you thank everyone for their continued support, and then the cake is cut. You try to slip inside, praying that Pierre-Luc and his date will leave, but the devil himself grabs your elbows as you open the back door.

“Congratulations,” he says softly, accent thicker then the last time you heard his voice. You can’t lie to yourself – he looks good. The sunshine has done wonders for his skin, and the tattoos peeking out from his shirt sleeve look new.

“Thank you.”

You offer nothing more to the conversation, which clearly upsets him, but he doesn’t do anything other than knit his brows together. It makes sense that you wouldn’t want to speak to him since the last time you did was the screaming match that ended your relationship. You go to make your exit, but the small girl hanging off Pierre’s side speaks.

“It’s so nice to meet you,” she smiles. “I’m Maisie. Luc talks about you a lot.”

“Pardon?” You’re caught off guard. Why would he talk about you to his new girlfriend?

The man in question shifts uncomfortably, like he’s going to get caught in a lie. “Yeah, it’s so nice that you guys are still friends.”

There it is. Saying that you split amicably is probably the only way he could convince her to attend this stupid party in the first place. “Ah,” you sigh, “Well not everyone is afforded the same luxury.”

Against your better judgement, you compliment her dress. Maisie thanks you graciously, explaining that Pierre bought it for her and once he’s cleared to leave Columbus they’ll be taking a trip to France, with a pit-stop in Portugal because she’s never been. Your insides churn, but you manage to keep a glaringly fake smile plastered on your face. The conversation shifts, and you find out that she also studies English Literature and expects to graduate next year. You laugh off all the coincidences, but it’s obvious to you and Pierre-Luc that Maisie is a substitute for the person who came before her.

“Why don’t you go get us some drinks babe?” Pierre asks, and the girl skips away after reaching on her tip-toes to press a kiss to his cheek.

You fiddle nervously with the hem of your dress, anxious to be alone with him. “It isn’t what it looks like,” he starts, but you cut him off.

“It’s exactly what it looks like Luc, and don’t you fucking dare say otherwise.”

He lets out a defeated sigh. “So what if it is? I think it’s glaringly obvious that I still love you.”

No shit you think, but you bite your tongue and say something more respectable. “I’d say so. She’s exactly like me, but hopefully she won’t mind being asked to put her whole life on hold.” There’s a bite to your tone that you can’t help, but it sets Pierre-Luc on edge.

“You can’t still be fucking on about that.”

You’re seeing red now, irate that he is still choosing to minimize your emotions. “I am! Because you asked me not to continue school, which is something I explicitly told you I wanted to do, just so I could be a more conventional NHL girlfriend. And then you broke up with me when I said I wouldn’t do it.” You inhale a deep breath before continuing. “I hope you have fun with Maisie in France. You should take her to that little café we went to, in Bordeaux, where we ate so much food we couldn’t walk back to the hotel. And I hope that every time she looks at you like you hang the moon, you remember that you’re recycling our entire relationship because you let it fall apart at the seams.”

Perhaps your emotions got the best of you, because the look on Pierre-Luc’s face is nothing short of shock. You’re taken aback too – your parents raised you better than to say hurtful things, but seeing him again brought up a myriad of things you hadn't yet dealt with. Without another word, you spin on your heel and head inside, slamming the door behind you. It shouldn’t upset you this much, after so many months, but for a reason you’re unwilling to admit to yourself it does.

You sit in the bay window of your childhood bedroom, wrapped in a blanket even though it’s the beginning of summer, and watch as Pierre-Luc presses a kiss to her forehead before thanking your parents for inviting him one last time. Just like him, every relationship you have for the rest of your life will be an attempt to replicate the love you had for Pierre – a never-ending circle of deja vu.

☼☼☼☼

taglist: @samsteel @kiedhara @tortito @boqvistsbabe @iwantahockeyhimbo @himbos-on-ice @2manytabsopen if you want to be added shoot me an ask :)

[unfolded73]

How Do We Get Back (13/16) - schitt’s creek ff

Summary: In a literal alternate universe where the Roses escaped financial ruin, David and Patrick struggle with loneliness and a sense that something isn’t right. A chance meeting in New York and a terrible tragedy drive them to question whether the timeline they are on is the right one.

This chapter is explicit, 4k words.  (ao3)

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12

_____________________________________

Chapter 13

Patrick was drifting, halfway between sleep and wakefulness, thinking about the nature of orgasms.

For a long time there had been two kinds of orgasms that he had first-hand experience with. There was the masturbatory kind, which he took care of in a perfunctory, utilitarian way when he felt like the needs of his body were distracting him from something more important, like schoolwork or practicing the guitar or a good night’s sleep. Quick and harsh, a tight fist and hand lotion and his brain carefully blank while he was doing it, just an efficient, neural shortcut to a little burst of pleasure, then a quick cleanup and it was back to whatever he’d been doing before.

Then there were orgasms from sex, where quick and harsh wouldn’t cut it, but where again he shied away from thinking too much about what he was actually doing. It felt like a job, being skilled enough at sex that his partner wouldn’t have any complaints. And he was happy that he could please another person, he was, but it left little room for the work his brain needed to do in order to find that neural shortcut. A lot of the time, he never got there. When he did, it was underwhelming, to say the least.

If those experiences were like weakly flickering light bulbs, then being with David was like a supernova.

Patrick did things for David, touched him and sucked him and fucked him, not because of an obligation to be competent at sex but because he wanted to. No, want was too small a word for what he felt — he was starving, he was aching to do those things for David. And orgasming with David didn’t take effort; it was inevitable — it was simply impossible not to be swept along to that heart-stopping conclusion, so intense sometimes that he felt like he barely stayed conscious.

“What are you grinning about?”

Patrick slowly opened his eyes and looked over at David. “I thought you were asleep.”

“Nope.”

“I was thinking about orgasms, if you must know.”

David hummed in a way that said, Oooh, I’m intrigued, tell me more.

“Also I was thinking that as much I’ve enjoyed this weekend of hardly leaving the bed, I do have to go to work tomorrow. Will you be okay on your own for the day?”

Looking offended, David said, “I’m not a child.”

“No, of course you aren’t. But I don’t know if being alone is necessarily the best thing for you right now.”

“I’ll read a book. Or maybe, I don’t know, take a walk.” Patrick raised an eyebrow; David going for a walk without a destination in mind seemed a bit out of character, but there were likely hidden depths of David’s character that Patrick hadn’t seen yet. He was excited to learn them all, every facet of David’s personality, every quirk and annoying habit.

Whoa, slow down, he thought to himself. Just because David had chosen to lean on him in this time of mourning, it didn’t mean he was thinking in terms of a long-term relationship. Just because they’d spent most of the last two days in Patrick’s bed, learning each other’s bodies, didn’t mean David was falling in love with him. For the first time, Patrick realized how in danger his heart really was. And that perhaps it was too late to do anything about it.

“What’s wrong?” David asked.

Realizing his face was betraying his thoughts, Patrick relaxed his features. “A walk sounds like a good idea.”

~*~

“This place is cute,” David said, the grimace on his face saying he thought it was anything but.

Patrick looked at the local bar through David’s eyes: televisions tuned to a variety of sporting events, signed hockey jerseys mounted on the walls, wide-board wooden floor and tables with decades of initials carved into them.

Giving him two firm claps on the back (“You’ve got such straight boy body language,” David had once said), Patrick grinned at him. “Come on, I promise you’ll have a good time.”

Dennis had invited them out, having no doubt heard through his parents or perhaps just through the town rumor mill that Patrick had a guy staying with him. Between the other tenants in Patrick’s building and the people in the bookstore and coffee shop that David had visited over the last few days while Patrick was at work, Oak Grove was almost certainly churning with news that little Patrick Brewer had a boyfriend.

Not a boyfriend, Patrick reminded himself, although with every day that David didn’t return to New York, it felt more and more difficult not to name him so. David had been in town a week now, and with every day that passed it seemed more impossible that the day would come when this would be over.

Patrick spotted his cousin at a table near the bar and he steered David over.

“Hey, man!” Dennis said, up and out of his chair and hugging Patrick before he quite understood what was happening. He didn’t particularly remember Dennis being a hugger, but he went with it.

“Um, this is David,” Patrick said simply. Dennis reached out and shook David’s hand enthusiastically, as if being introduced to a man that Patrick was in an unlabelable romantic relationship with was a normal thing that didn’t require remarking upon. Which, maybe it didn’t.

They fell into easy small talk; it turned out that Dennis had a lot of opinions about music and so did David, and Patrick could just sit back and watch another member of his family welcoming David into the fold. When Dennis suggested they play darts, David didn’t want to play but he seemed content to serve as Patrick’s one man cheering section. And when Patrick won and got a kiss for his efforts, he tried not to let it show on his face how overwhelming it was, the simple fact being out in public and sharing casual affection with a boy he liked.

Ash brought over their third round of drinks themselves, as things at the bar had started to slow down.

“Ash, dude, what’s this I hear about you moving away?” Dennis asked.

They shrugged. “I’ve got some people in Norway that, if the world is ending, I’d prefer to ride out the apocalypse with,” they said, collecting and stacking empty glasses.

“I’m sorry,” Patrick said, “‘if the world is ending’?”

Ash gave him an impassive stare for a second. “Have you read the news recently?”

Patrick frowned. He hadn’t, really. He’d been too busy with David to give any thought to the outside world.

“To the people living in any particular time, it always seems like things are the worst they’ve ever been. It doesn’t mean you need to go join a doomsday cult in Norway,” Dennis said.

“There it is, cults again,” David said, making Patrick raise his eyebrows in surprise. “I swear I keep hearing things about cults these days.”

Dennis chuckled. “I mean, between climate change and so many of the world’s governments being taken over by dictators, maybe it’s not surprising that people are turning to mass protests and weird religions.”

“We saw protesters being arrested at the airport in New York,” Patrick said. “A lot of them.” He felt embarrassed that he’d let the event slip his mind entirely.

“The violence has only gotten worse in New York the last few days,” Ash said, looking annoyed at them for being so uninformed. “They’ll probably have to shut things down like they did with O’Hare and LAX.”

“I’m sorry, shut what down?” David asked, his voice rising in pitch.

“The airports. There have been so many threats of terrorism that they can’t afford to keep those airports running. I’ve got a flight out of Toronto to Heathrow in three days, and I’m praying that things don’t get too bad before I can get on that plane.”

“What the fuck is going on?” Patrick asked no one in particular.

“The world is falling apart, man,” Ash said. “And the old gods are in ascendance.”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure I read that Neil Gaiman novel,” Dennis said in a way that made it clear he wasn’t taking any of this seriously.

“We should make sure we have a way to get you back to your parents,” Patrick said, trying not to wish too hard that David would somehow be stranded here with him forever.

David looked startled, and he paused before saying, “Yeah. Yeah, I guess we should.”

“I wouldn’t go back to New York now,” Ash said. “Best to stay out of the big cities. That’s where the worst shit is going down.” They looked over at the bar, where more people were waiting for drinks than it looked like Ash’s assistant could handle. “I’ve gotta get back, guys. Good luck with everything.”

“Thanks?” Patrick said.

“Just…” Ash gave him a piercing stare. “Don’t ignore your dreams, Patrick. Let your subconscious be your guide.” They turned and went back to the bar then, leaving the three of them looking at each other, bemused.

“That was weird,” Dennis said.

Unnerved, Patrick reached over and took David’s hand. “Yeah.”

~*~

“That bartender was right.” David was looking at his phone when Patrick emerged from the bathroom, ready for bed. “JFK, Newark, and LaGuardia are all closed as of today. It says they don’t know for how long.”

“That’s insane. How is anybody flying anywhere?”

“They aren’t. It’s almost like 9/11, when I was stranded for four days in Portugal.”

Patrick lifted the blankets and got under the covers with David. “I was only thirteen on 9/11.”

“Oh, fuck off,” David said affectionately.

“And what was the thing Ash said about dreams? Let my subconscious be my guide? What was that?”

David gave him a sidelong glance. “I don’t know, had any interesting dreams lately?”

Patrick laughed. He didn’t usually remember his dreams. Except… “I mean, I dreamed you and I were planning to get married in Schitt’s Creek, but…” He blushed at having admitted even that to David. “It was silly.”

“Wait, what?” David asked, turning fully to him.

God, David must be freaked out by what that might reveal about his feelings, Patrick thought. “It was just a dream, it doesn’t mean I actually want to—”

“No, that’s not… I dreamed the same thing, that night at the motel. That you and I were engaged.” David looked down at his bare fingers. He always took his silver rings off at night and put them in a little dish on the bedside table that he’d borrowed from Patrick’s kitchen.

“Huh. That’s a weird coincidence.” Patrick settled down onto his pillow and closed his eyes.

“Is it?”

“Is it what?”

David huffed and nudged Patrick’s shoulder until he opened his eyes. “Is it a coincidence?”

Patrick laughed. “Well, what else would it be, David?”

“I don’t know, it’s your bartender friend who was spouting all that mystical stuff about old gods and dreams!” He gesticulated wildly with his hands.

Patrick sat back up. “I don’t actually know Ash all that well, but… look, I just don’t believe in stuff like that. Stuff I can’t verify with my own eyes and ears.”

“Okay, fine, so let’s collect some data. What else happened in your dream?” David said.

“David—”

“Humor me.”

“Okay.” Patrick rubbed his face, trying to remember. “We worked in a store together.”

Now David looked genuinely alarmed, as if even though he’d been arguing on the side of the import of these dreams, he hadn’t really believed in what he was arguing. “Without telling me what it was, do you remember the name of the store?”

He did. It had been all over everything — baggies of coffee beans and bottles of who-knew-what; it was abbreviated on the wall and on the top of the refrigerator case. Patrick took a second to be amazed that there had been that level of detail in the dream, and that he remembered even a fraction of it. “I remember it.”

“I’m going to tell you what it was, then, since you’re the skeptic. It was Rose Apothecary.”

Patrick’s heart started to thunder in his chest. “Maybe… maybe there’s a mundane explanation.”

David crossed his arms. “What?”

“Maybe we saw a place with a similar name somewhere, and it happened to register in both of our subconsciouses—”

“Two little roses, one on either side of the name,” David said. “And I had four gold rings in place of my silver ones. I’m pretty sure you gave them to me.”

Patrick stared at him. “Okay, so… so we shared a dream?”

“I don’t think it was a dream. Or, it was, but it was more than that.” David was up and out of bed now, like he couldn’t contain these ideas unless he got up and walked them off. “It was like a view of an alternate reality. One where for some reason my whole family was in that town, and so I met you a while ago, and… I don’t know, but it was good. Everyone was happy, and…”

“And Alexis was alive,” Patrick said as soon as it struck him why David wanted the dreams to mean something. “That’s what this is about, right? Your sister was alive.”

“Yeah, this is the ravings of a grief-stricken person except you saw it, Patrick. It wasn’t just me. You saw it too! And you felt something when we were outside that general store, didn’t you? And… and the waitress said it was… that the veil between worlds was thin or whatever.” He was so manic now that Patrick worried that David might be on his way to a panic attack if he didn’t calm down.

“I don’t know if I’d hang this theory on Twyla,” Patrick said, but then he had to pull himself up short, because it was triggering something else in his memory. Someone else who’d raved at him… “The homeless woman outside your building,” Patrick said softly, lost in memories of those nights, months ago, when his whole life changed.

“What?” David stopped pacing, his chest rising and falling with heavy breaths.

“There was a homeless woman outside your building; I ran into her both times I left your apartment in the early morning. And she said…” — he struggled to remember. “She said that this world was wrong and we needed to get back to the right one. Wait, before that, the first time I saw her, she said to me ‘you found him.’”

“Patrick, if you’re fucking with me—”

“Why would I fuck with you?” Patrick rubbed his sweaty palms off on the bedspread.

“I know who you’re talking about; she was a regular in the neighborhood,” David said. “She used to say all kinds of crazy stuff to me, stuff like…” He dragged a hand through his hair, making it stick up at all angles. “That my family and I were supposed to be living in a motel together.”

Patrick didn’t want to, but it would have been dishonest not to connect those dots. “You did say those rooms felt familiar.”

David sat down on the bed and put his head in his hands. “Fuck.”

Not knowing what else to do, Patrick crawled over and rested a hand on David’s back.

“What do we do?” David asked.

“We… we get you back to New York, to your family, for a start. And we try to find that woman, because maybe she knows more.”

“The airports are closed,” David pointed out.

Patrick shrugged. “So we drive. If we leave early in the morning and take turns driving, we can probably be there by this time tomorrow.”

“What about your job?”

“David, we’re going to drive to New York in the midst of a violent uprising to seek out a mystical homeless woman to explain why we’ve both dreamed of the same alternate reality. My job can go fuck itself.”

David laughed, an edge of hysteria in it, and kissed him.

~*~

“This is insane,” Patrick said as they pulled away from the third police checkpoint since crossing over into Manhattan. Only David’s ID with his Chelsea address had allowed them to get this far.

This is insane had been Patrick’s mental mantra for many of their hours of driving, and he wasn’t sure if the increasing evidence of societal collapse was bolstering the idea that they were doing the right thing or detracting from it. He knew it was insane when he called his parents from the road to tell them that he was driving David to New York since the airports were shut down (the rest of the story, he left out). He knew it was insane when they had to spend almost a full hour at the U.S.-Canadian border, undergoing extensive questioning before they were allowed to cross. He knew it was insane when he left a message for his boss, resigning his position at Rollins Electrical Supply via voicemail. He knew it was insane when David had an extended phone call with his parents as they drove through Buffalo, arguing about which of the properties that his parents still owned would be the safest if civilization fell.

David directed Patrick to a parking garage near his apartment. The automated gates had been broken off, so Patrick drove in without taking a ticket from the machine.

“If we somehow manage to get away without paying to park in Manhattan, then society really has collapsed,” David said, which made Patrick laugh.

Rain was coming down steadily on them as they walked to David’s apartment from the garage. Even Patrick, with his limited time in New York, could tell that the streets were unnaturally quiet. “I don’t see our prophetic friend,” Patrick said as they approached David’s building.

“With the rain, she might be in a shelter,” David said. “We can try to find her tomorrow.”

He looked as exhausted as Patrick felt, so Patrick didn’t argue.

At least nothing had changed in David’s apartment during their days away, and Patrick was struck by the way the smell of the place took him back to that first night in February, when he’d gone home with David and ended up in his bed. That had been insane too, but it might have been the best thing he’d ever done in his life. Maybe insane wasn’t the worst thing.

They took turns showering off the funk of the long road trip, and while Patrick waited for David in his bed, he started trying to catch up on what exactly was going on in the world. By the time David joined him, Patrick’s palms were sweating and his stomach felt queasy.

“David, I’m starting to think the world might really be ending.”

“Why?” David asked, sitting down on his side of the bed and rubbing some kind of moisturizer into his heels.

“The amazon rainforest is on fire, for one thing. Like, intentionally. They’ve instituted full-on martial law in Brazil. And that guy Jeff Bezos and some other billionaires have bugged out to some private floating city and disappeared, which I’m pretty sure was the plot of an Ayn Rand book.”

“Don’t tell my mom, she’ll be pissed she wasn’t invited,” David said, settling down onto his back and pulling Patrick into his arms.

“And legitimate people are writing articles questioning whether it’s possible for the U.S. to ever have fair and free elections ever again,” Patrick went on.

“Okay,” David said, his hand caressing Patrick’s hip.

“You don’t seem worried,” Patrick said.

“It’s not that I’m not worried, it’s that my brain literally doesn’t have any room for anything else to worry about.” David rolled them so that he was on top of Patrick and began kissing down his neck. “Also, fifty-seven percent of my brain is occupied with thinking about sex.”

Patrick grinned, wrapping his arms around David and sliding his hands down to David’s ass. “Fifty-seven percent?”

“Eighty-three percent.” Patrick thrust up with his hips, grinding against David. “A hundred and nine percent,” David breathed.

They quickly shed their clothes and were back to grinding against each other immediately, their bodies almost on auto-pilot, desperate for friction and closeness and connection.

“So I guess there’s a universe where I asked you to marry me,” Patrick said when David pulled away long enough to lube both of them up, his slick hand on Patrick’s cock and stomach and on himself. The idea of that being real somehow had turned itself over and over in Patrick’s mind on the drive until he felt compelled to speak it out loud.

“That’s the part that strains credibility, that any version of you would want to spend your entire life with any version of me,” David said, and only David Rose could manage to be self effacing while he stroked himself.

“David,” Patrick said, reaching up for David’s shoulders and pulling him down so that they could kiss, and now each thrust of their hips was slippery and so wonderful that it almost brought tears to Patrick’s eyes. “That part is easy for me to imagine.”

David kissed him, frantic, and when they separated to breathe, David’s eyelashes were fluttering as he tried to blink away his own tears. “I doubt that, but thank you for saying it.”

Patrick pulled him as close as he could, rolling his hips, trying to bring him pleasure and comfort in equal measure. “That life with you, the one we dreamed… I’d take that life in a second.”

Gasping, David kissed him again. “Me too. God, Patrick, me too.” He buried his face the crook of Patrick’s neck, his hips slowing into a more gentle undulation. “Can we pretend, just for a minute…?”

Patrick brought one hand up and carded it through David’s hair. “That we’re in that world?” He felt David nod.

His heart hammering in his chest, Patrick matched David’s rhythm and tried to imagine what he would say in that life, comfortable and confident and in love with a man that he planned to spend the rest of his days with. “I’m so happy you’re going to be my husband, David,” he murmured, his voice pitched low, and the answering noise from David told him he was on exactly the right track.

Considering and discarding several other endearments — he didn’t want to tell David he loved him until he could be certain David knew he meant it — Patrick went on. “I don’t ever want this to end. I don’t ever want to not be sharing your life. You’re the most wonderful man I’ve ever known.”

“God, Patrick, I—” Whatever David was going to say got lost as he climaxed, wet and hot against Patrick’s stomach. Patrick groaned and moved faster, seeking and finding his own peak, biting down on David’s shoulder as he came.

After a quick cleanup, they settled back into bed together, Patrick resting his head against David’s chest.

“Thanks for… I probably shouldn’t have asked you to do that in the heat of the moment,” David said. “Roleplaying scenes usually require some pre-negotiation.”

“I didn’t mind,” Patrick said. It’s not like anything he had said hadn’t been a sort of truth. “It, umm, worked for me too. Obviously.” He pressed a kiss against David’s sternum.

David laughed uneasily. “Who knew that my kink was domesticity?”

It gave Patrick a chance to lighten the mood, to get out of the territory that was going to lead to premature confessions of love, and he took it. “Should I have also talked about mowing the lawn?”

“That depends, what do you wear when you mow the lawn?”

Patrick laughed. “I’ll save my material on painting the garage for next time, it’ll drive you wild.”

Chapter 14

[borisbubbles]

Eurovision 2010s: 90 - 86

90. Suzy - “Queiro ser tua” Portugal 2014

~Huawei Wa Wei~

I have mentioned earlier that Moran Mazor is arguably the saddest NQ, but Suzy is definitely up there in people whose success I was rooting for. Indeed, I mostly love Suzy because she was a TRAGICALLY ROBBED UNDERDOG.

You see, Suzy was ~BULLIED~ from the moment she had won FdC, and beaten Catarina in the F2. Now, I personally don’t mind “Mea Culpa” itself (my favourite was the drunken pirate hag known as 😍 ZANA 😍, but that’s for another ranking). However, I don’t think I’ve *EVER* witnessed a fanbase as  downright evil as the Catarina stans. These ‘people’, by the lack of a better term, make the Beyoncé and Ultimo fans appear like kind and rational people. These... self-proclaimed ‘eurovision fans’ tried to intimidate Suzy into quitting by sending her death threats, all because she DARED to beat their erstwile female-mediocre flavour-du-jour. Who the fuck does that? Human pieces of shit, that’s who. 😤

There’s an *additional* sociocultural connotation to the entire Suzy vs Catarina debacle, but my friend André, who is Brazillian and has Suzy in his 2014 top three made a great post about the issue back in the day, so I’ll just quote him for those who want more backstory:

Quero Ser Tua belongs to a music genre called "pimba", which is perceived by the Portuguese middle and upper classes as tasteless and vulgar because of simple melodies and dirty metaphors (the latter not present in Quero Ser Tua). So they despised Suzy and (...) went in a fucking frenzy [when she won FdC], attacked the composer of Quero Ser Tua (also the father of pimba music), and accused him to rigging the televote and even started dozens of petitions (alol) and regularly vandalised Wikipedia writing that Portugal's entry was "disputed" or that Catarina was the real winner (holy alol).  This drama speaks to me because Quero Ser Tua and pimba music in general sound like other genres of popular music we have here in Brazil that are also derided by the snotty-nosed middle class as vulgar and devoid of "culture", often with racial connotations on top of the social class ones. To me, Suzy's victory (rigged or not) has a political message: pimba IS culture, like any other kind of music, and it deserves to represent a country as great as Portugal because it's part of their culture and they should be proud. It's definitely a bigger statement than the bourgeois, mediocre Mea Culpa and I am proud of every Portuguese that voted for Suzy to win. <3

As for ~my~ layman’s opinion, well, I just think the song possesses some great summer sprit.😊  It’s a colourful explosion of cheerful accordeon, moody percussion and ethnic frivolity. 😍 Listening to “Quero ser tua” makes me very happy about 100% of the time, almost as much as the knowledge that, after being disliked for most of the pre-show, Suzy won everyone except for her most diehard haters over, becoming someone who is now almost unanimously deemed one of the most robbed NQs. STAY PRESSED, HATERS. >pasta :victorydance:

________________________________________________________________

89. Jana Burcheska - “Dance Alone” F.Y.R. Macedonia 2017

[2017 Review here]

Like many of the 2017 entries, my passion for Jana dropped over time. Make of it what you must but I think the live of “Dance alone” kind of cheapens it... and you know what I think about cheap and trashy, I LOVE THAT OBVIOUSLY.😍

However, I also think the cheapness does Jana dirty, because “Dance alone” also happens to be one of my favourite songs OF 2017. Its 80s synth sound and high voltage fierceness left me bald and straight UPON IMPACT, with madly quotable lyrics that I STILL use in friendly banter to this day. 😍 

The awesomeness is only further enhanced by Jana, who is -independently from her song- also one of the best humans in 2017. I absolutely ADORED this goat-voiced gremliness from the SECOND she spent her first interview shading the fuck out of Rykka 😍 (check the 2017 review for the dirt) and then proceeded to troll the press people by teasing that she actually couldn’t sing for no reason. 😍

Which brings me to the live act which.... conceptually is a match to the song, but which also doesn’t do it justice. Don’t get me wrong, Jana contorting her body as she’s assaulted by a Carolean windmachine sustains the crap out of me, but I have always thought “Dance alone” had more potential than shown in the live. (Getting rid of  the “Wishing you could hold me close” closer is particularly upsetting imo.) Moldova and Azerbaijan would’ve turned “Dance alone” into an EASY top 30 in this ranking, but in the hands of Macedonia it’s a mere top 90 for me. 😭

________________________________________________________________

88. Lake Malawi - “Friend of a friend” Czech Republic 2019

only a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend 

Lake Malawi live the ultimate BorisBubbles dream: IMMENSELY annoying song whose appeal hinges entirely on how uncomfortable it makes other people, somehow convinces about ~95% of the loyal eurofans that it’s a fantastic masterpiece. 😍 ADVERSI-DEITIES 😍

Of course, the axis around which Lake Malawi spins is Albert, a human spark plug and mankind’s youngest thirty year old. Seeing Albert fling himself around the stage, never losing his entheusiasm is the main reason why “Friend of a friend” exceeded my already high expectations! Another, slightly-less awesome reason however is the D-sound-like staging:

It really just is a clever, likable entry. Of course, that doesn’t take away that “Friend of a Friend” is objectively one of the most irritating songs ever, making it anathema to the televoters’ tastes <3 😭(😍)

________________________________________________________________

87. Jamala - “1944″ Ukraine 2016

It is only FITTING that Jamala and Lake Malawi rank alongside each other, star-crossed lovers that they are. ALBERT x JAMALA 5ever:

A greater love story than even Alfred x Amaia. However, this post is mostly about Jamala, so LET US discuss a great, if controversial winner. I will start with a small caveat and say that “1944″ isn’t the song for me. One of the biggest dealmakers in Eurovision songs for me is replayability “1944″ just doesn’t have that quality for me. I only really relisten to it when I must, for rewatching purposes. However, that does make the few times I DO revisit “1944″ all the more magical to me. If we take on board that songs are a means of expression, then “1944″ is one of the best songs ever, for the themes it expresses are all too real. I don’t even NEED the gutwrenching, defiant lyrics to *FEEL* the pain the nation of Ukraine is going through. The act sends shivers down my spine, body aching all the time. The Jamala Tree is one of modern Eurovision’s most iconic visuals: 

Of course, that ALSO makes “1944″ one of the most notoriously political entries of all time. Now, other fans of Jamala might argue that, “No, it’s not about the Crimean war at all, just the historic deportation” and well... no? There is a reason why Jamala wrote this song *NOW* and not the last time she entered Vidbir. It *is* Jamala’s way of coping with the Russian invasion, something which *also* ties into her own family history. “1944″ is a very elegant, tasteful middlefinger aimed at Putin, but it’s a middlefinger nonetheless. However, what if it is? The Ukraine vs Russia conflict is a notoriously heated one and potshots are to be expected. If I have to chose between an open attack and a backhanded one (such as that rubbish entry from the Tolmachevy Sisters, or the two rubbish ones by Julia Samoylova), I will always pick the former. 

Overall, I greatly appreciate “1944″ and think it’s a great winner. The composition is evocative of both Ukraine’s history and musical traditions, as well as their current predicament, making “1944″, despite pertaining to a specific year, a timeless experience. It is very deservingly considered one of Eurovision’s best winners by the fanbase, and I hope it remains a favourite for future generations to come. 

________________________________________________________________

86. Joan Franka - “You and Me” The Netherlands 2012

Yes, Joan ranks one spot above Jamala lmfao. EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED!!! 😈

Back in 2012, I obviously was a feverish Joan stan, mostly for Ironic reasons: “LMFAO JOAN TARD... it’s YOU... and ME! SO SILLY <3″ -- me Circa 2012, when my wit amounted to calling lovable dimwits “tards” and quoting song lyrics. 

In 2019, I can say that... I still love Joan for her ineptitude and frivolity, but with the added layer of *genuinely* loving Joan for Joan. From the consistently offkey singing, to dressing up like a Lakota warchief (completely oblivious to how inappropriate this is 😍), to the bonfires (pandering to the Land Of Fire, Azerbaijan 😍) and the general-happy-go-lucky vibe, “You and me” just feels so.. real? Like a real person regaling real stories of a real romance with a real (boy)friend. It is so disarmingly earnest, which of course, being stuck in 2012, meant that it was unceremoniously offed by the professional juries. TOO PURE FOR THIS DAMN’ WORLD. 😭

Since this update booted the final entries from Portugal, Macedonia and the Czech Republic, I’ll disclose my final thoughts below, as to not disrupt the ranking:

PORTUGAL:

Honestly, a pretty good chart for Portugal, despite being the fourth country to be fully eliminated from the ranking. I was hoping that Salvabrat would have started a hot streak, but alas. Portugal just keep getting screwed over by subpar staging and their own stubborness, leading to insistent dismissal by the fanbase. I fucking hope people (Portugal deniers) come to their senses though because they are consistently robbing one of Eurovision’s best fucking countries. 

NORTH MACEDONIA:

Sean Tarbuck from ESCUnited nailed Macedonia the best: they are a country of amazing music and utterly disastrous lives. They are probably the single worst stagers in Eurovision? The numbers don’t lie, with a qualification rate equivalent worse than San Marino’s. Just look at what Slovenia and Serbia are doing, Maco, and you’ll be fine!!!

CZECH REPUBLIC

There isn’t much to say about the Czech, but they’ve finally contributed with an entry I not only liked, but loved. I do think we are in the beginning years of a Czech Golden Age though and if they can keep that hot streak going, Eurovision might be coming to Prague very soon (ie: within the next five years.)

[fireeaglespirit]

beyond-far-horizons replied to your post :

allthebrazilianpolitics: Why the Brazilian...

this is deeply worried @fireeaglespirit​, even more awful when you can see it happening and you knew it would happen and people dont logically think things through. I see the same in my country and it is awful to see all the illegality and crap they are justifying and just pandering to the far right making the UK into a small, racist country whilst the elites get billions and take away rights. It’s textbook autocrat stuff. Pl stay safe and make plans to get the f out

viviane-lefay replied to your post : 

 @fireeaglespirit​ Now, that is some really sick shit that is going on there. Please get out asap!

It’s not like I’m in danger but I just feel some despair... 

Its like everyday there’s some deep shit going on here and a new scandal and the situation brings a lot of tension even within families and bolsominions try to pretend everything is great even when the government is fucking them in the ass so they get irritated whenever any new rotten thing is exposed and there’s a lot of ‘pride’ going on and nationalism I've never seen before. I always hated nationalism and I could say I used to think a good thing about brazillian people is that they weren't nationalist but now this is changed.

Its a very dumb kind of nationalism, mind you... self destructive americanized nationalism if you will, even so its here, and the notion that the ‘state’ is worthier than any citizen has gained strength so that people are gladly sacrificing themselves for that illusion. I’m just giving one example..

On an economic front, did you know they’re fucking up the retirement system right now and we've been warning this would happen as I’ll be honest, Bolsonaro never lied or deceived anyone but people are so dumb they called it a lie when we warned them of the things that would happen if they elected this man and yesterday Bolso went on the TV and said he would just do this and now people are silently despairing because some of them were almost retiring and they’ll have to work a decade more if they want the same benefits they’d have so its kinda hilarious to see it all falling down, but they still don’t have the nerve to even react to it and the few that have been waking up from the Matrix are being bashed by their own former friends... its really a mess.

Anyone who even dares criticize the government is called communist or even worse, its like completely black and white thinking.

People are completely hypnotized I never saw anything like that, its like their own individuality was crushed by an ‘ideal’ and they just sacrificed anything to see this done so now they’re not willing to admit it was a mistake, and they’re going to lead us all to hell if that means keeping their pride.

This people has been completely broken that they don’t even react anymore, there are no protests, no strikes, etc... just silent suffering. At most there are some memes in the Internet, is all we can do now. 

I know what they want with those military walking the streets, this is just intimidation, and its working.

I’m very careful when expressing my opinions and I went back to the wardrobe on some fronts due to fear... I feel really bad about it. Just not being able to express myself as I used to do is just heartbreaking and having to silently witness acts of vile racism and just hatred in general because my self preservation instinct is greater than my idealism or sense of justice, just makes me feel miserable on a daily basis. Its not like I can ignore it when life itself has changed and people are always reminding me of the new ‘status quo’.

I desire to get out of here more than anything but for me this is a major task and not something I can do alone so I’m trying as hard as I can but it still seems so far away. I know this is pathetic of my part because when people say they’re going to do something they just do it and they don’t plan it for years and keep failing but you know how complicated things are for me because I haven’t been able to do many things in my life so its a huge jump..

I’m just glad I’m awake at least, this is already an improvement next to whats happening so I planned beforehand. Did you know that rn Portugal is having so many requests for citizenships from br folks that they’re overwhelmed and even the consulate had to stop taking in requests for a few months because it wad chaotic. I’m glad I’m almost there because I noticed this would happen so I planned beforehand.

But yeah, its like... its just so obvious that this place would become a true shit hole and people would flock out of here massively... Just wait and see a diaspora of br folks in the next few months as people start to come back from ‘Narnia’ and notice the shit they've done..

[themjinterviews-blog]

48. Put your hands in the air and say hell yeah. Captain Jack! Johnny Depp!

What motivates you to do what you do? Sheer necessity, usually.

What was the weather like the last time you went out? Hot. It’s Arizona so it’s probably near 100 + sunny.

Do you go for walks often? I’m pretty lazy and try to avoid it. You sorta gotta trick me into walking, like take me to a big shopping mall or something so I inadvertently walk around it whilst shopping.

What color shirt are you wearing? Gray.

What is your favorite type of youtube video to watch? I don’t really watch any. I just use it to occasionally look up songs or to record snippets of stuff to remix songs.

Do you need any new clothes right now? I got plenty.

What’s the next project you are excited to start? I’m working on a nonsensical Adult Coloring Book featuring animals committing crimes.

Do you collect anything? If so, what? Used to collect rocks and Pokémon cards. I suppose in a sense I collect all sorts of art/office supplies.

^and if not, what would you like to collect? Nothing really.

What was the last disappointing thing that happened to you? I don’t know. Suppose work being closed for renovation for 2 weeks kinda sucks because I sort of need cash.

What is something God has healed you of? I don’t really do the whole God/Religion rigamarole... Chances are if we are healed of something, there is a psychological, sociological biological or generally rational explanation.

Have you ever experienced a miracle? Like, a phenomenal coincidence? I think as much as I hate to be a downer, there's probably a lot to do with our perceptions of events

What was the last thing you ate? Lucky Charms.

Do you ever eat food that’s intended for kids? Well, Lucky Charms. I also love pizza rolls and chicken nuggets. But I’m not eating Gerber Peas&Carrot baby foods or anything crazy like that.

What was the last stupid thing you did? Define “stupid”? Most things I do are probably stupid to others but perfectly acceptable to me.

Do you get embarrassed easily? Sometimes.

Are you wearing pants or shorts right now? I never wear shorts.

What are your top three names you like for a daughter? Elliot (this is also my pick for a boy name), Tara, Hazel.

Would you ever film a vlog of yourself giving birth? Ew. Fuck no. Honestly, adopting/fostering sounds way more my style anyway. To be totally frank, pregnancy sounds gross and being unable to take my adderall sounds awful. I’d gain like, a million pounds.

Do you like getting caught in the rain? It’s usually a refreshing break from the heat out here.

Do you think your hair looks best straight, wavy, or curly? Messy, or in a side-pony.

What was the last craft project you completed?: Coloring books for my friends’ kid.

Name 3 youtubers you would like to meet in person: I don’t know any.

Has anyone ever spread an untrue rumor about you? Sociopath ex. Not sure he actually said them aloud to people other than myself, but I was constantly being accused of weird stuff I absolutely did not do.

What’s one rumor you’ve heard about yourself, and is it true? N/A. No idea. Not aware of any relevant or applicable rumors. I literally just keep to myself and do crafts.

What color are your nails painted currently? Not painted.

Do you use a pill box? Jesus, I’m not 80.

List 3 people you know who were loving and then turned cold: it’s kind of generic to assume either of those things as permanent traits. But probably most flings or whatever. It always feels cold when one party loses interest.

Have you filmed a youtube video today? Never filmed one in my life.

Do you leave the house when you’re on your period? Um yes. Life doesn’t stop just because I have cramps.

^If not, why not? -

Have you ever felt threatened for your life? Yeah. Sociopath ex would get overtly paranoid and mistake harmless or unrelated things I did or said to be conspiracies against him. And occasionally my imaginary betrayals would lead to violent words or actions. Like, a bundle of index cards with Carrabba’s menu items and their ingredients, word for word, from the Carrabba’s menu, was somehow coded plots to who the fuck knows to have him killed. Irrational stuff like that.

What are you behind on? Student loans. And when I say behind, I really mean that I actively chose not to pay them.

Do you get enough sleep each night? No because night is my time to be productive, uninterrupted and without bothering anyone. I hate having to stop my thoughts just because other people are making noise or trying to converse with me.

Which did you like better: high school or college? Absolutely college.

Which year of your life stands out to you as the most significant so far? Probably last year or two.

…and why? Big personal transitions and revelations in my life philosophy.

What was the last store you shopped at? Walmart, most likely.

Do you have a favorite pharmacist? I used to back in NY. Her name was Evie. She wished a customer Happy Thanksgiving on Valentine’s Day accidentally once and it cracked me up and we had a running joke about it.

Do you have a favorite cashier at the grocery store? I don’t shop frequently enough and I switch up stores when I do.

What was the last thing you ordered at Starbucks? Probably a toffee nut Frappuccino.

What’s something you discovered recently?

What makes you more creative? Emotional turbulence, certain drugs.

What’s the last magical thing you experienced? Um…Magical? The herd of unicorns crossing the I-10.

What is the theme of your bedroom? None. We are staying in a spare room at a friend’s. But we're actually moving this week because being micromanaged and constantly scrutinized was getting old.

Have you ever lived in a dorm? Yes, for a few years

Who is someone whom you admire, and why? I guess the lady at work, Amanda. She’s like 64 and works open-close every day, and still has a great attitude.

When was the last time you stepped outside of your comfort zone? I don’t know. I test the waters every once in awhile.

Where would you like to travel to next? Nowhere crazy. Just back to New York for the Renaissance Faire.

If you could win three dream vacations to anywhere, where would you go? Portugal—New Zealand—Ireland.

Would you rather ride a camel or an elephant? Camel. They’re fuzzy.

Are you a free spirit? I don’t know what that even constitutes. I think outside the box and I question social conformity and other preset patterns of thought. But I don’t know that has much to do with my spirit.

Do you want to lose weight? I think I’m okay for now.

Which insects scare you, if any? They don’t scare me, they just creep me out …spiders, centipedes, millipedes, roaches…ugh.

Do you think it’s silly to be afraid of a tiny insect? It’s not like I think they’re going to murk me with a sawed off shot gun. I know they’re harmless and therefor not technically scary…but they’re still creepy and unsettling somehow.

Have you ever experienced paranoia? To some degree.

Have you ever hallucinated? Indeed.

Were you raised religious? We were raised Roman Catholic. Didn’t stick.

Have you ever been abused? Psychologically, emotionally, physically and sexually. #sociopathic ex.

Do you think the cops should do more about bullying? I think cops have enough shit to worry about as is and don’t know how effective extensive police interference would even be. I think the anti-bullying message is stronger when conveyed by people closer to kids like teachers, parents, siblings or a celebrity figure they idolize.

Is there a coffee shop you like better than Starbucks? I like them all about the same.

If you could afford to get your hair professionally done, what would you get? Probably dye and highlights. Definite trim of my bangs.

If you had a lot of money, do you think you would use it wisely? Absolutely not. I have little to no money now and I don’t even use *that* wisely.

Do you know any rich people who are very irresponsible? I don’t know many people to begin with.

List five careers that you’d like to have: Lawyer (like A.D.A. Barba!)...Graphic Designer...Psychologist...Self-Help writer...and oddly wouldn't mind being a waitress still.

List five far-out things that you’d like to do before you die: I genuinely do not have a bucket list. If I stumble upon something that seems cool, I do it. Making unrealistic lists won't help my quality of life very much.

Do you dream big? Quite the opposite. I sort of just fly by the seat of my pants. Weird expression. Can’t recall ever having very fixated dreams or visions for myself.

What was your first imaginary friend’s name? N/A

What was the name of the first pet that you loved? Comet. <3

What was the first work uniform that you had to wear? Waitress uniform of sorts. I wanna say it was white button down and black pants.

Do you like to go barefoot? Usually. On some surfaces it’s intolerable and I hate the texture, though.

Do you like the same colors now that you did as a kid? Pretty much.

Do you have a blog? You’re on it, buddy. This is a survey blog.

Do you have a youtube channel? What would I even post videos about?? I assure you, I do nothing that the general public would find entertaining.

[my-imagination-and-other-stuff]

Part 6, ending

You would never think that silent, calm breakfast time could turn into real storm. Artem kept rotating spoon in his cup and you kept looking down like it wasn't annoying. He's spent a lot of time in his room, talking by phone but you wasn't able to hear anything.

- He's leaving. Do you know that?

You gulped, knowing very well what he meant. It would be hypocrisy to act that you didn't understand his question but you only looked up at Artem.

- Melovin. He's moving to Kiev.

- Why do you ask me? You finally spoke.

- He's leaving because something happend between you two, right?

- Why do you think it has anything in common with me?- You asked him, putting out your cutlery with anger.

- Because you're silent like you was hiding something. You don't seem surprised.- Artem said. There was something in his gaze that you couldn't describe. Not really anger or sadness. It was tiring to hide that he wasn't that wrong about it but it was so obvious that he never really trusted you.

- Artem, who do you think I am?! I'm so done with your distrust. You always suspected something, didn't you?- You raised your voice and left kitchen.

- Yes because he seemed to be interested in you from the start. The way he fucking looked at you and your weird reactions when I was joining you! I'm not the only one who noticed it! - He screamed, following you to guest room- How long this was happening?- He suddenly asked you so you turned to him.

- How long- what?!

- When did you stabbed me in a back and started this shit?! - Artem yelled and pushed chair next to him. You've never seen him that angry.

- What the hell are you talking about? I've never cheated on you! He admitted that he has thing for me and left.

- Has a thing? A thing? - He hissed - I'm not a fucking idiot. I know him better than myself. He wouldn't leave his hometown just like that. It must be something serious.

- I didn’t know what he felt about me till he explained why he’s leaving. He was scared to ruin your friendship. I was scared too - You started and moved closer to Artem - Please, don't blame him. He didn't know how to hide how he feels. It wasn't easy for any of us.

- And why do you defend him?

- I don't - You murmured, confused- I just don't want to be a reason of you two fighting.

It was like never before. You felt so far from your boyfriend. The way Artem was looking at you, felt like you were strangers.

- Is he only friend to you?

- Artem..

- It's easy question - He sighed, touching his forehead.

- Whatever I feel know, I don't think we can fix what just failed - You said with tears in your eyes - It's not about Mel anymore. I'm sorry but I'm tired of this. I'm not comfortable in this relationship.

It hurted to say such words out loud. Artem looked at you in silence like he couldn't believe what he heard. You looked down, not being able to stand his face expression.

- What is it? You want to break up? - He asked weakly.

- I just think that I want some time alone. We're mess now - You whispered, tearing you wet cheeks.

- Well, let me make it easier. If you for once thought about Kostya the way he thinks about you, let's stop it right now. Because I won't stand it.

These were the last words that day. You wasn't able to answer because of upcoming tears and Artem left flat very quickly.

***

- Did you manage to come on time? - You heard female voice when you answered phone. You joined queue to big hall. It was so sunny and hot outside.

- Yes. Thank you so much for sharing room, Carmen. It would be so hard to find accommodation in good price. There are so many foreigners who booked rooms before Eurovision.

- You helped me once.. And by the way, are you going to talk to him?

- Hmm.. I don't think it's a good idea.

- Hey, you came to Lisbon to watch him performing. You said you promised him to go when he finally wins preselections - Carmen said with enthusiasm.

- It was year ago and we haven't talked since he moved out. Besides, my ex boyfriend can't see me - You sighed.

- I see. Well, have a good time.

You was so nervous when you entered hudge hall with other Eurovision fans, especially when you waited for Melovin's performance at the end of show. You came closer to group of people with ukrainian flag. You clapped with them when Melovin appeard. It happened so fast. Piano, fire, his voice.

- Oh my God, that's was great! - You shouted and when camera turned to your direction, you realised that you was filmed with the rest of fans.

- Melovin! - some man next to you screamed. After next hour, hosts announced results of second semi final. You kept your fingers crossed, looking on a big screen with your heart beating very fast. That time when they announced Ukraine as another finalist, you run to stairs where all contestants started walking down from. But when you came back to your senses, you stepped out and hid behind group of people. Kostya appeard but he couldn't see you. Neither Artem. You turned to exit but you couldn't stop yourself from watching press conference on screen in main hall.

***

- Hello? - You answered phone in the morning, seeing unknown number on screen.

- Hi - This voice sounded familiar.

- Hi..

- Are you by any chance in Lisbon? I would swear that I've seen you yesterday in a crowd from balcony. I think that I saw you in video after my performance.

- Mel..

- I can't leave rehearsals but please, come today to cafeteria on first floor in hall - He said with soft voice but you wasn't able to speak. It was so unexpected that he was able to notice your in such a big crowd and when he meant to be fully focused on his performance.

- Hello? Are you here? - Kostya asked you.

- Yes.

- Please, come - His voice sounded sad and suddenly you thought it would stupid to reject his invitation.

- Okay.. I'll come. What time?

- I'm free in two hours. Twelve o'clock?

You looked at your watch. It was taking almost an hour by train so you probably had to go out right now. Of course you didn't tell Kostya you wasn't exactly in Lisbon so you said you'd come on time. You checked out hours of departures of trains and prepared your clothes pretty fast. It was almost twelve when you caught a bus from station to another station where stadion was placed.

- Where is he? - You whispered with concern when you didn't see Kostya anywhere in cafeteria. You was twenty minutes late. He didn't answer your call and for some reason you panicked.

- I won't answer phone - You heard behind your back and saw Kostya smiling widely - I left phone in wardrobe so nobody can interrupt us.

- Did you come just now?

- Actually, five minutes ago. But I don't like sitting alone when there's a lot of people around so I walked away - He said, smiling even more - You look great.

Your heart was beating so fast that you wasn't able to feel it in your chest.

- You too.

You both sat at the table and ordered coffe.

- What brings you here? I mean.. what are you even doing here?- He laughed sweetly.

- I visited my friend..- You said uncertainly - Are you good with Artem already?

His face expression changed.

- For few months we didn't talk except work stuff - He answered shortly and leaned to you - Don't worry. It's much better now.

- I was worried that he might give up on being your manager. But he's really professional and.. he's your best friend after all.

- He is.. How long has it been? Over a year?

- Yeah - You sighed- It's good to see you but won't your team be looking for you?

- They actually know I'm here with you. Including Artem.

- He's probably angry now, right? - You said, looking down like you was ashamed.

- He's actually fine with this.

- How can he..- You didn't finish, looking in Kostya's eyes. You missed looking in them You missed the way they were resting on you. You finally noticed what Artem meant by Kostya's gaze being different. You could see how he was looking at you with admiration.

- He knows well that you can't gave up on someone just like that - Kostya said silently. You tried to smile to him but at that moment you was too moved by his words.

- I would like to ask you something and get an honest answer - He added after a while when you was looking at each other- Are you really here because you're visiting friend?

- I actually.. My friend lives in different place in Portugal but I used opportunity to come here when you're performing. I wanted to see you on stage. I promised you. But I didn't expect to talk with you..- You said with heavy voice, feeling that your eyes got teary - I'm really proud of you. You did it. You really did it.

You laughed nervously and you felt Kostya's hand on yours. It seemed so natural that he wanted to comfort you. It always been like that. Both of you felt good in your own company, except some tension when you felt mutual attraction while dating someone else.

- I'm so happy that you came - Kostya said, caressing your hand.

- Me too. Even if.. I shouldn't come here - You said and added quickly, seeing his expression: - But I don't care. I missed you, Kostya.

- Do you mean that..- He didn't finish when he saw that you nodded. You both knew what was the hidden question.

- I know that timing was awful for us but what can I do when I already love you so much?- He suddenly said and made you feel shivers all over your body.

- I'm tired of denying what I feel about you but I'll always be ex of your best friend - You said, reaching for his hand.

- What is now is the most important so don't leave again.

- But how can we show up in front of our friends.. and Artem as a couple?

Kostya looked away with thoughtfulness.

- We will work it out - He said - For now stay with me till final.

- Ok - You whispered.

- What? - He asked you like he wanted to be sure what he heard. You smiled.

- Let's work it out.

[simsanity-blog1]

HELLO, I’M AZURE MENDES!

Azure is my favourite OC and I want to use her more! so I thought it’d be fun for her to personally answer 30 tag questions :) I think all my mutuals and friends should do this with their OC too, it was soooo fun haha :))

HI EVERYONE!!! I’m Azure! I’m on my 25th lap around the sun, the second oldest of six children, expert skateboarder and rollerblader, a tri-bi (bisexual, biracial, bipolar) and an avid fan of everything bright and colourful. Let’s get to know who I am. (Warning, I’m pretty hyper off sour patch kids and a double espresso, so this should be fun!)

1. Are you named after anyone? YES! My entire name, actually. My full name is Mariana Azure Chunhua Mendes. - Mariana, my first name, is named after my great-grandma who died a week before I was born. Strangely enough, we have the same birthday, and apparenly I look and behave just like her so my family have this massive conspiracy that I’m an incarnation of her.  - Azure is named after a stray dog my mom and dad looked after before I was born. Apparently the dog “had a connection with me” while i was in the womb. heh.  - Chunhua is just a name my mom liked. 2. When was the last time you cried? Last night, I was thinking about my Avo who passed away last month. She’s my hero, and I feel so lost without her but I know she’s guiding me in spirit.

3. Do you have kids? Heck no. Screaming babies scare me. 4. Sexuality? Bisexual! But I prefer women to men. I can easily say I am a lesbian, but I still find attraction towards men, and my mom’s family will have a hard time accepting me. But I am happy with my orientation! 5. Last thing you drank? Guava juice. The love of my life. 6. What’s the first thing you notice about people? Eyebrows, eye color, and if they’re smiling!!! :) 7. What is your eye color? Naturally a dark brown. But I always wear blue contacts because I prefer blue eyes. 8. Scary movie or happy endings? HAPPY ENDINGS! But don’t get me wrong,  I love horror so much. Nothing better than a happy tear-jerker ending 9. Favorite smells? Freshly delivered pizza, weed, melting chocolate, cinnamon or a Lush bath bomb. 10. What’s the furthest you’ve ever been from home? My current home is San Diego, so probably Guangzhou, China. I lived there for a few years of my childhood. 11. Do you have any special talents? I don’t like to brag, but i’m pretty solid at skateboarding and rollerblading. Sometimes I help teach rollerblading classes for kids. I’m also double jointed, always a good party trick! 12. Where were you born? In Lisbon, Portugal! I lived there until i was five, and then moved to China for a few years. Then we moved to the US when I was 10. 13. What are your hobbies? I like to meditate or do yoga every morning and night, drawing, playing piano, skateboarding, collecting antique things, flower pressing. I’m pretty busy but this is all I can think of that’s remotely interesting.  13. Do you have any pets? SOOOOOON! 14. Do you have any siblings? YES! There’s six of us; four girls (Andrea, Me, Meili, Eri)  and two boys (Mateo, Diego)    15. What did you want to be when you grow up? Author of a manga or a flower arranger. I was a smart child. 16. Who was your first best friend? Unfortunately, I never made close friends in Portugal or China.  But i met my best friend, Kendra (Kenny), on the first day of school in the US. She is still my best friend today! 17. How tall are you? 5″6.5. Not tall or short! 18. Funniest moment throughout School? I was pretty reserved and so, so shy all throughout my schooling until high school Senior year, when I came out of my cocoon. I did so much crazy shit, like sold acid to the bus driver, hooked up with an assistant teacher, pulled the fire alarm, and so much more, something you wouldn’t see an asian do. But I was always in the honor roll. The funniest or most memorable moment was when I came out in my yearbook, and everyone kind of freaked out because everyone least expected ME to not be straight. 😂 19. How many countries have you visited? Portugal, China, Canada, Russia, Japan, France! Japan and France were just an exchange for school. Greatest times of my life. 20. What was your favorite/worst subject in High School? Favourite was world history, least favourite was Chemistry. 21. What is your Favorite drink? Animal? Perfume? Three questions in one!? OOOOkay! Drink would be Guava juice, animal would be emperor penguin or an elephant, and fave perfume is definitely NUDE by Rihanna. 22. What would you (or have you) name your children? I want to name my firstborn son Rouge because.... Yeah. I don’t really think of kids names really... 23. What Sports do you play/Have you played? Skateboarding and rollerblading...? Gosh, I sound like I’m bragging so much but they’re my only talents. I used to be in the badminton and squash teams in high school too. 24. Who are some of your favorite Artists? ohhhh lord! I could go forever on this! I currently love Mac DeMarco, Lana del Rey, Flume, Lorde, Kendrick Lamar, Tyler, The Creator and Fleetwood Mac! 25. How many Girlfriends/Boyfriends have you had? I’ve had one serious boyfriend, and one serious girlfriend. They both cheated. Everyone else was a hookup. 26. Favorite memory from childhood? hmmmm, definitely making friends with kids on my street in all three countries and we all stayed up late and pitched tents in the summer! 27. How would you describe your fashion sense? THRIFT STORE!!!!! BOLD COLOURS. VINTAGE. UNIQUE. Sometimes I weave in high-fashion brands too, things I have found and collected over the years. 

28. Tell us one of your bad habits! Forgetting where I placed things, which also leads me to be a MASSIVE kleptomaniac. I also change songs in the middle of the song because I’m ALWAYS so excited about the next song! 29. What’s the craziest thing to ever happen to you? The craziest thing that’s ever happened to me was when I got arrested for trying to break into a pet shop while I was drunk at like 4am. I just wanted to save the rabbits :( 30. Finally, What’s your zodiac sign? LIBRA! (October 3rd babies, anyone!?) Phew! That was fun. Thanks for reading about me if you’re reading this! I hope to make some friends!! Thats all from ya girl Azure. See you around soon!

[mimichootings]

The Mackerel Fiesta

Thank you, Gethin. Ladies and gentlemen, it is, I must say, a great honour to be here today, and to preside over this wonderful fiesta, now in its thirteenth year. I have heard one or two complaints that, as festivals go, ours is less than venerable, and, indeed, is a rather artificial affair, a flimsy excuse for public inebriation, not based at all on a genuine tradition, but shamelessly copied from similar festivals to be found in Spain or Portugal, one or the other, or perhaps both, or neither. Malta maybe? But never mind about that. Some cynical souls have even suggested that the whole event has been manufactured with the sole aim of drawing in crowds of gullible tourists and pocketing their foolishly spent money. Yes, boo hiss indeed, ladies and gentlemen. Boo hiss indeed. Well might you boo, and well might you hiss. But not with your mouth full, Mr. Jenkins, that would be my advice. But, looking around me, I see so many local faces, that, while I won’t say that this is a local fiesta for local people, ha ha, it does illustrate the value we in this lovely little town attach to a sense of community, for what can bring a community together more effectively, more cohesively, than burning a giant fish on a beach?

 Those of you who have attended the fiesta before will know the routine: from here we march in procession to the sweet sounds of our talented band, through the centre of town, over the bridge, down to the yacht club, where there will be some entertainment and a few words from me (as if that weren’t entertainment enough), and then it’s just a short walk to the beach, where, after we have given thanks to Almighty God, our fishy friend here will make the supreme sacrifice, and be set alight. And then, at the end, we’ll have the raffle, with the first prize being this impressive magnum bottle of champagne. For the procession we have, as you see, six bearers to carry the effigy―a round of applause, ladies and gentlemen―including Mr. Andrews, who, of course, being a genuine local undertaker, is used to this sort of thing. Following them will be our weeping, wailing widows, and a fine sight they are, I’m sure you’ll agree, ladies and gentlemen, so another round of applause, if you please. Don’t milk it, Mrs. Pryce-Evans, there’s really no need for a twirl.

 Right then, if everything is ready, let the procession begin! Don’t push, Gethin, I’m ahead of you, it’s only proper. I wish this music were a bit more mournful; rather too jaunty for the occasion, don’t you think? Widows, your keening is commendable, but might I suggest a few more ululations, and less of the giggling, if you please. This is a serious matter, after all. Thank you, Mrs. Pryce-Evans; that was an excellent flutter of the handkerchief, but try not to overdo it. Let dignity be your goal. And bearers, if you could just attempt to assume a more solemn air, that would be appreciated. For God’s sake! Who is that wearing trainers? Mr. Andrews, I am disappointed! You, of all people, should know better. Some of you, I regret to say, are not taking this quite as seriously as you should, but there we are, it can’t be helped, I suppose. What is it, Gethin? No, I don’t want a shot, get back to your place, mun.

 Now then, ladies and gentlemen, here we are, and, as promised, we will have some entertainment for you very shortly. But first, as your minister, it behoves me to say a few words on this momentous and splendid occasion. Those of you who know me will know that community is one of my chief concerns, and in our community, we value very much those members of it who go out to sea and bring us back its bounty, braving the winds and the waves and the terrors of the deep. Thank you, God, for keeping them safe. But God, if you must know, I have bone to pick with you, because, to tell the truth, the catch has been a bit disappointing this year, hasn’t it? Not much of a bounty at all, really. And what’s worse, it’s a continuation of a recent trend. People talk about overfishing and marine pollution and what-have-you, but other towns and villages, some of them not so very far from here, have done much better than us, and that’s a fact. Why is that, Lord? What have we done? Where have we sinned? I know you move in mysterious ways; that, I can’t deny. But if, in your infinite and impenetrable wisdom, you could see to it that next year we have a better catch, I for one would be most grateful. To that end, we offer you this piscine effigy, and hope you like it. In fact, I’d say it looks so fetching, that you’d be a bit of an odd fish not to. Odd fish, ha ha.

 Now, I am well-known in these parts for the keen interest I take in fishing matters, which some have said rivals the interest I take in religious matters. More than rivals, thank you! Mr. Jenkins, there, always ready with his little quips, some of them, as you can see, being less successful than others. I have been on several fact-finding missions across the globe in order to develop and enhance my understanding of the issues, and to attempt to find a solution to the relative dearth in maritime produce that has brought about so much local consternation. For instance, at the Trøllbøgrøll Institute in Bergen, in Norway, where I have been―TWICE!―I was reliably informed that the annual percentage, not excluding… Ah, I see that Gethin is gesturing to me in that characteristically frantic way of his, and I can only interpret his gestures as a polite reminder that time is of the essence, and on that, he has my full agreement, for if we take a moment to consider time, yes alright Gethin, keep your bloody hair on, boy.

 Right, time now, ladies and gentlemen, for that entertainment I mentioned earlier, for which I am sure you have been waiting with baited breath. And so, without further ado, let me introduce you to someone who needs no introduction, the one and only, our very own, Mrs. Llinos Wendy Davies! A warm welcome, ladies and gentlemen, please. That’s better. It’s a thrilling performance we have in store for us now, ladies and gentlemen, because Mrs. Davies, who no doubt has already captured your attention with her remarkable attire, is about to combine the noble arts of belly dancing and fire juggling. Take it away, Mrs. Davies!

 After that eye-opening spectacle, no-one can say that the years have not been kind to Mrs. Davies. Indeed, one might say that age cannot wither her, nor custom stale her infinite b―yes, you’re right, Gethin, that would probably be a bit off-colour. Well caught. Careful, there, Mrs. Davies, one of the torches is not quite―Good God, she’s on fire! Someone put her out, for the love of Christ, I can’t bear all that screaming. What are you doing? You can’t chuck her in the harbour, the bloody tide’s out, mun. What? The prize champagne? But what about the raffle? Oh, sweet Jesus, what a waste! Still, at least she’s out. Thank you, Mrs. Davies, that was unforgettable. Don’t worry, the ambulance is on its way. I’m sure, ladies and gentlemen, that you will all join me in wishing Mrs. Davies a speedy recovery. Now then, Gethin, what can we get to replace the champagne? We need something for the main prize. A big bottle of Strongbow? Very well, it will have to do. Wait, it looks as if it’s been opened. Well, if it’s only one swig, I suppose no-one will mind.

 Ladies and gentlemen, after that excitement, it is time now to move on to the ceremony itself. Bearers, widows: to your positions please, so that we can go down to the beach. Musicians, there’s no need, we have had the benefit of your talents for long enough now. This year, ladies and gentlemen, in a bit of an innovation, we have built really quite a large pyre on which the mackerel will be placed. A bit more oomph, you see, like a Viking funeral. Doesn’t it do the town proud? Here we are. Before we consign this extraordinary effigy to the flames, ladies and gentlemen, allow me to say a few brief words and to lead us all in prayer. Yes, Gethin, I did say brief. Lord, we are gathered here today in thy presence to give thanks for thy munificence, which, though in the opinion of some may have fallen a bit short in recent years, nonetheless blesses us and is still a cause for gratitude, and after all, Lord, who are we to complain? We are but maggots, crawling and slithering repulsively in the noxious depths of sin and iniquity, blind to thy holy purposes, Lord, and undeserving, mostly, of the paltry crumbs of sustenance you deign to drop, from time to time, when the mood suits you, and evidently it hasn’t suited you much this past year or in previous years, but that’s quite alright, mustn’t grumble, you are the Lord of Light and Life, after all, and we thy humble―alright Gethin, no need for that. Burn the damn thing, amen.

 Well, ladies and gentlemen, it’s a promising start to the conflagration. The mighty, marvellous, majestic, magnificent mackerel really giving out some heat, there, ha ha, although I do detect a faint aroma of… I’m not quite sure what, exactly, but I can’t honestly say it’s pleasant. Gethin, what did you use to make the fish? Plastic! Good God, mun! Whose bright idea was that? No, it was not my idea, you lying git. What kind of plastic? What do you mean you don’t know? No, it’s not a bloody technical question, it… wait, are those tyres? You put car tyres in the pyre! You fucking idiot! You useless bucket of shit! Jesus fucking Christ, the smoke coming off that thing! Oh God, the smell! No, no, ladies and gentlemen, stay put, I think the wind is about to change. Yes, yes, there we are, see, blowing it all back into town, out of the way. Great black billows of Satanically noxious smoke, pretty poisonous, I should think. I hope people in town are inside with their windows closed, although on a lovely sunny day like this, it’s quite possible that they’re not. Still, rather them than us, ladies and gentlemen, eh? Ha ha. No. No, Mr. Jenkins, you’re right, that was inappropriate. Gethin, you’re sure this isn’t dangerous, aren’t you? I mean, I hope we’re not going to get sued.

 Oh Christ, I think the wind has changed again. No, don’t panic, ladies and gentlemen, there’s no cause for alarm, it’s simply a minor… My eyes! My God, my eyes! And my throat, too! Thank you, Lord, thanks a fucking bunch. Run! Run, ladies and gentlemen, run for your lives! Christ on a bike, I’m blind! Oh fuck fuck fuck. Gethin! Gethin! Gethin, where are you, boy? Don’t leave me! Oh, the pain! I can’t breathe. Not like this, Lord! Not like this!

[forcri]

Têtu: Madame X is clearly your most political album since American Life what was your state of mind? Were you afraid? Were you angry? Have you had enough? Madonna: A little bit of everything. I am afraid. I’m frightened by so many things that are going on in the world. As you are I’m sure. But I’m also optimistic. I feel like the future is full of possibilities. I hope I was able to channel my anger and my rage in order to create music full of joy. And I wish that these new songs will inspire people to react. As it’s what we have to do with our rage. We won’t change the world with fury. I feel every emotion you mentioned. To me, in many ways, this album is the continuation of American Life.

On “Killers Who Are Partying”, you sing “I’ll be Israel, if Israel is imprisoned. / I’ll be Islam, if Islam is attacked.” What should we understand? That you want become one with minorities? What Mirwais and I try to say in this song, is that we don’t see the world in a fragmented way, but as a unity. And I am part of that. I see myself as part of the soul of the Universe. I don’t see the world through categories and labels. But society loves to categorise, put labels and separate people: the poor, the gays, the Africans… because it gives us a sense of security. What I say in this song is that I will be every label people try to put on us. I will be on the front line. I’ll take the punches, the shots. Because I am a citizen of the world and because my soul is connected to all other humans. So I am responsible for everyone I need to take care of them. If one person suffers, I suffer. To me, this song is an act and a declaration of solidarity.

Mirwais produced 6 songs on this album, including this one. How was the reunion? We never fell out of touch. It was great working together again. ‘Killers Who Are Partying” is the first song worked on. It’s a political song but everything Mirwais and I do together, always ends up being political. Because it’s also his way of thinking. The guitar we hear during the intro of the song is a sample I recorded myself during a fado session. The sound of this guitar is exactly what I wanted. I really felt inspired by the melancholy and the feeling of this music, by the sound of Cesária Évora, by morna [music] and Cape Verde. The authenticity of the music I heard everywhere in Portugal touched me. I wanted to make this music my own and make it sound more modern. I asked Mirwais: “What do you think you can do with it Does it inspire you?” Of course, he really liked it.

In the song “Dark Ballet”, you sing “Our world is full of pain.” Are you not part of “our world” anymore? I’m not saying that your world is not mine anymore. I just say that this world where people are ruled and dominated by the illusion of fame and luck… ruled, dominated and enslaved by social media… ruled and dominated by oppressors who discriminate people endlessly… this world, I refuse to be a part of it. This song, “Dark Ballet,” was inspired by Joan of Arc and her story. It’s like a point of connection. Madame X and Joan of Arc come together. I speak her words and her language and I say: “I am not afraid to die for what I believe in.” And it’s exactly what I feel.

A year ago, you commented on a photo your manager Guy Oseary posted regarding the 20-year anniversary of Ray of Light: “Remember when i made records with other artists from beginning to end and I was allowed to be a visionary?”. Have you been allowed to be a visionary this time? I think you are taking things out of context… (Her publicist steps in: It’s unclear. Do you have another question?”, but Madonna continues) I don’t remember exactly what I wrote at the time. But I was surely was not criticising Guy Oseary. Nobody has ever not allowed me to do me anything. Yes, people criticise me, but nobody ever told me I couldn’t be a visionary. People often warn me however and say “Be careful!” (and she moves her finger like someone would when reprimanding a child).

Do you think this album will shake the music industry? I wouldn’t use this word to describe my music. Provocative, conflicting, emotional, passionate: those are the words I would use. And I also hope “inspiring.”

In the intro of “I Rise”, we can hear a sample of Emma González’ speech, one of the survivors of the High School shooting in Parkland who became an icon and advocate for gun control. Do you feel you’ve inspired this generation? I hope so. That’s what I am looking for. I see Emma as a spokeswoman and pioneer for her generation. I just keep doing what I have always done. I fight for women’s rights and humans in general. I fight for equality.

In “Medellín”, the first single of the album, you reminisce about your early days, when you were 17. What do you think of your career? I think I’ve taken a lot of shit! (laughs). That’s for sure. I feel like I’ve broken multiple barriers for women who came after me. But I’m aware that our fight is far from being over. And to be honest, I feel like I’m still fighting for the same things today.

“Like a Prayer” was released 30 years ago and created a huge controversy. Are you trying to replicate a similar controversy today? Honestly, when I wrote “Like a Prayer,” I didn’t think that the song would cause such controversy. It’s the video that shocked people: the fact that I kiss a black saint, that I dance in front of burning crosses… people saw it as a sacrilege. But I didn’t think for one second that things would be perceived like this. All of this was very controversial but it was not my first intention. This time, however, I mean to be subversive!

Provocation has always been a way for you to draw people’s attention to important matters like LGBT+ rights, racism, women… But today, it’s more the conservatives that use provocation, right? Give me examples!

People like Trump or Marine Le Pen… If you are a narrow-minded person and you use provocation, then that will be your message. Everything depends on the intention (laughs). I am not a narrow-minded person. I am not provocative so I can put people down and put up barriers or tell them “Stay seated.” I am at the opposite off that. Use provocation to destroy is not my intention.

Do you feel connected with your LGBT+ fans? Do you claim the status of the gay icon? I think it’s weird to call myself an icon. I feel blessed to have a voice, and to be able to use it to help people who don’t have one and to fight for the rights of those who are not heard. I think the word ‘icon’ is a word that other people can give you. But I can’t claim it for myself. Do you think I’m an icon?

You are the definition of the word! If Têtu thinks I am an icon, then I am an icon!

Is this album a tribute to your life in Portugal? You listened to it. You tell me if you think it payed tribute to Portugal and to fado? Not only fado by the way. There are lots of other influences I took since I live there. But obviously this is where the album was born. Even if there are other influences, this album is cleary an expression of my time in Portugal. I have a house there and I go there often. My son still plays football at Benfica. But you know, I live on airplanes. The sky is my home (laughs). I hope my Portuguese is good. I had a good coach, Dino D’Santiago. He helped me a lot and introduced me to amazing musicians. He played a major part in the creation of this record.

We don’t know Dino D’Santiago well. Could you tell us more about your collaboration with him? He was kind of an interface. He is from Cape Verde and most of the musicians from Cape Verde I worked with don’t speak English. He was in the studio with me when we were recording. He told them what I wanted. He helped me musically to give life to these songs because I had no other way to communicate with them. Well, in a way, I was able to thanks to the music. We wrote a song called “Funana” which will be a bonus track. I have another song called “Ciao Bella” which is not on the deluxe version of the album. The singer Kimi Djabaté, who’s from Guinée-Bissau, sings on this track. Once again, it’s Dino who introduced me to him. When he came to sing for this album, he didn’t speak a word of English, only Creole. Dino was the translator and really helped me. When I recorded “Killers Who Are Partying” and “Extreme Occident” which are definitely influenced by morna, I sent them the tracks. I really wanted his feedback. I wanted to know if he felt the songs were authentic. His approval was very important to me.

How do you choose the people you collaborate with, like Maluma for example? It happens in a very organic way. All my collaborations are decided when meeting the people. We share a glass of champagne, we get along and we talk about the things we could accomplish together. To tell you the truth, there is nothing really deep about that. It’s very instinctive. I am a fan of every person I’ve collaborated with.

You’ve often collaborated with French people: Jean-Paul Gaultier, JR, Martin Solveig, Mirwais… What is your connection with you? Yes! What’s this connection with the French? It’s like I can’t get rid of them (laughs). They are the authors of my biggest collaborations. Mondino, Gaultier, Mirwais… I think I love them because they are very… stubborn [stubborn means têtu in French, which is the name of the magazine.] They stand up to me. The people you mentioned are very intellectual people, extremely creative, very cultured. We share a beautiful synergy. (She slams her glass on the table and yells “Aqua por favor!” Everybody jumps. She then points to a photographer and yells “Who let the paparazzi in!? Who are you? Do I know you?” The photographer stops, terrorised. « It’s Ricardo, Madonna’s official photographer » her publicist clarifies. Everybody laughs.)

On the album, you sing in Portuguese and in Spanish. Is it a way to challenge the dominance of English in pop music? That’s exactly it! I like the idea of world music. I hate compartmentalising. We don’t want to do it with people, why should we do it with music? I like to turn on to the radio in New York and listen to people sing in Spanish, take my car in Lisbon and listen to reggaeton or dancehall. It’s great. Stepping away from English is a challenge, but you know I like challenges.

[lettersandgifts]

hi hello yes! i'm Ellie, 18 years old, (mostly) vegetarian, & from the usa. i've wanted a pen pal for a while but never reached out until now for some reason, so that was kinda dumb of me???

anyway, here's some basic junk (just a heads up, i type how i would talk, so it may seem kinda weird at times??)

btw, you can find me on instagram (@ellie_k8), chickensmoothie (sodafarts), deviantart (sodafarts) and here on tumblr (@sodafarts) and my email is elliekate023@gmail.com

first off, i'm going to college this fall & am majoring in Spanish to become a Spanish teacher. if you know spanish (or any other language, since i want to learn many more) then i'd really like to talk together in spanish from time to time!

i hope to learn to play the cello some day soon. i am trying to get into cosplay & dream to go to a renaissance festival in the near future! there's just not many good ones near where i live :((

i've always been super into making art but i've been in a "slump" for a while so that kinda sucks, but i think i'm slowly getting out of it! lately i've been trying to get into embroidery and coloring with fancy markers, like copics but generic brands :')

i love things that are kinda ugly if that makes sense? hyenas, bats, and possums are some of my favorite animals, i like wearing obnoxious looking oversized sweaters and mismatched socks, i live for random thrift shop finds, weird looking plants & just odd combinations in general.

i LOVE being outside but i hate cold weather & winter. summer is the best time of year, and my favorite days are the ones where it's so hot, you feel like you're being cooked alive in an oven :')) followed by night skies filled with heat lightning <3 i really wanna move out west some day, like in the middle of a desert or some shit like that ya know?

some of my favorite shows and movies are twin peaks, supernatural, scooby doo, riverdale, psych, the x files, game of thrones, TRON & TRON legacy, the harry potter series, bates motel, the walking dead, dexter, hey arnold, saturday night live, the vampire diaries, vikings, guardians of the galaxy & a lot more. i spend a ridiculous amount of my time watching tv shows/movies :')) 

i also love reading & listening to the "welcome to night vale" podcasts!

as far as music goes, i'm afraid i'm always listening to something. whether it's glass animals, cage the elephant, mystery skulls, the black keys, gorillaz, alt-J, Portugal, the man, cosmo sheldrake, max frost, 3oh!3, fever ray, electric guest, the weeknd, grimes, mutemath, sir sly, muse, foals, nothing but thieves, chance the rapper, kaiyote hiatus, iron & wine, miike snow, young the giant, bon iver, ofwgkta, vic mensa, kpop, new orleans jazz & blues - the list goes on and on. earbuds are the only thing i'm guaranteed to have with me at all times, besides my phone i guess.

ironically, i'm NOT a fan of musicals. i also don't like mushrooms (i think i'm allergic??), feet, the dark, silence, alcohol/drugs, heavy metal/screamo music & probably a lot of other things i just can't think of right now.

i tend to stay home a lot and not go out much. i don't have a huge group of friends which is why i think i've been so driven to find a pen pal. 

kinda random, but if you are native american and wanna be pen pals, i would love to hear what you have to say and get to know you! in the future i may double major or minor in native american history since there is a disturbing lack of it being taught in schools. also, what is taught is all too often not accurate. i want to talk to somebody who has firsthand experience, who has been told history from generations ago; i don't just wanna read some book that probably isn't even entirely true. there's just so much i wanna know. but where i live it's not really an option to be able to meet someone who is native american, so i'm hoping maybe the internet can broaden my horizons and introduce me to new people!

a pen pal form the usa would be easier with postage and everything, but i would love to have a pen pal from another country! i just might not be able to send little gifts/cool things if you don't live in the us :( but hey, we'll see what we can do! i'd also love to have multiple forms of contact, like other online stuff, email, anything really, and snail mail of course.

also, i'm not looking for just one pen pal. i would love to have a little group of pen pals from all over the place!! imagine all the cool stuff we could talk about & learn :'))

i'd prefer someone relatively close to my age, but other than that i don't have an preferences?? i'm just looking for some cool person who is looking forward to being a pen pal :)

((oops sorry i just realized i kinda wrote a book for this, thank you to anyone taking the time to read it! <3))

[nemophilisty]

Get to Know Me~

Doing this for IRL, not Roemi :o

Tagged by: stealing from @ponkita :)

Tagging: I think I want to avoid activity tags from now on too in case it bothers anyone tagged or makes anyone not tagged feel sad; so, “tagging” any of my followers who see this and want to fill it out too.

Nicknames: Kris (irl) / Roe or (for those who will never let the past go :p) Sera (ffxiv) / Nemo (tumblr and various game handles).

Zodiac sign: Libra (I follow the corrected zodiac system, not the traditional one; traditionally I’d be a Scorpio and everything I’ve ever read about Scorpios is so off for me, and almost everything about Libras is spot on lol).

Height: 5’10” >.>;

Last thing you googled: The link to that NASA article. xD

Favorite music artist: Sea Wolf / Alex Brown Church (I love tons of artists/music genres, but Sea Wolf comes especially quickly to mind whenever I am asked this).

Song stuck in your head: "Feel It Still” by Portugal. The Man (I’ve been listening to this song on repeat sometimes because I like it a lot).

Last movie you watched: Uhhhh I genuinely can’t remember because I’ve mainly been binge-watching series for a while, so the last thing I watched in general was the Bakemonogatari anime lol.

What are you wearing right now: Black leggings, black ugg boots, and my boyfriend’s retro Iron Man t-shirt (I am lazing at home :>).

Why did you choose your URL: Because I am a nemophilist. :)

Do you have any other blogs: Yes! 3 - Including this one, I also have Hiemaly and Ephemerys - both alt/side XIV character/aesthetic blogs. I don’t use any other blogging sites apart from tumblr and this/my main blog, which is technically also an xiv character blog, doubles as my personal/I post whatever blog. I try not to post a lot of stuff that would irritate my XIV community followers though like social issues/commentary.

What did your last relationship teach you: I may have been much better off financially and found someone who was a nice person that loved me unconditionally/”perfect spouse material”, but I can’t stay in a relationship, even a seemingly great one, if I fall out of love and just feel guilty and uncertain all the time.

Religious or Spiritual: Definitely not the first one (but nothing against anyone who is), and the latter only in the sense I feel spiritual tranquility and energy in nature.

Favorite color: White, but I also really like various shades of brown; earth tones like dark greens/reds/blues/etc.; tinted metallics like rose/platinum gold or bronzes, coppers, silvers etc.; and robin’s egg blue/light teal.

Average hours of sleep: I need a lot and am not a morning person at all. x_x Usually at least 8 on weekdays, weekends and other days off can be more like 9-10 and up to 12. If I get less than 7 hours of sleep (unless I’m keeping myself up through the night for something like vidya gemes, travel or, back in college, studying) I feel like shit and can’t wake up for work lol. D:

Lucky number: 17 (this is my favorite number, I don’t know if it’s lucky per se lol).

Favorite characters: *Immediately forgets every character from books and other media she loves* uhhh well San from Princess Mononoke is probably a given; I don’t know if they are specific “characters” but Bioshock is my favorite video game next to XIV and I love the Big Daddies/Sisters; Midna from Zelda - Twilight Princess; Reki from Haibane Renmei; I’m forgetting at least 20 more but it took me a while to even remember the ones I just listed so I’ll stop there lol.

How many blankets do you sleep with: I used to need like 3 (sheet, a kind of crocheted woven blanket, and comforter on top), but since I started sleeping with other people (like...from relationship to relationship not all at once xD) I just sleep with a comforter since the mixed body heat gets uncomfortable lol. In the winter when it gets really cold at night though I’ll put an electric blanket on me under the comforter.

Dream job: Is and has been for a while to be part of the creative department of a video game company - specifically story and quest writing, but I lack the ambition to compete and struggle for acceptance into such a difficult industry; on top of that mental illness issues deflate my will to do pretty much anything creative most of the time. Apart from the InDesign/graphic stuff I do for work, XIV is one of the only things that motivates me to be creative and enjoy things like writing RP information and playing with screenshots in photoshop.

[islaland-blog]

This month, February of 2017, has completed 2 years that I left my country, Brazil! I had lived lots of new experiences and met so many nice people around the world and just decided do it a bit better from here! I hope! (:

In this time I have visited 11 countries in 3 different continents, collected lots of nice pictures and friendship! Hope you guys enjoy it! 

Who is me? 

Isla Grossi, I’m Photographer, formed in Photography at Universidade Positivo in Curitiba/Brasil. I had born in Paranaguá, a little and beautiful city in the coast of Paraná, South of Brazil (I know is “south”, but is still very hot there) I know you imagine Brazil like a big forest with nice beaches and everything involving tropical fruits, good weather, and now that I lived out of my city/country I can tell you, yes, it’s exactly like this!

My name is Isla cause my parents just love fishing, go to islands, and do basically everything that involve SEA, so they just decided put my name like this, ISLA that means “Island” in Spanish! All my childlessness was getting the boat with them in the weekends, go camp somewhere, and maybe cause of this I am like this, they don’t understand too much, but they know are their fault! :p (They understand better now).

When I was young I was always doing artistic shits around, like cropping important papers of my parents or school to do collages when I was 8 (Wasn’t nice), making and teaching some choreography for my cousins when I was 10 (think about TITANIC), and when I was 11 I just discovered my love for photography, my aunt had a camera and I was all the time taking pics with, I got my first camera when I was 13, so the 2 years between I get it I just got very intense “home student of photography”... 

Then I finished high school, lots of pression from parents and teachers about what you gonna be, my colleges were talking about medicine, architecture, engineer, and I was like wtf?? I just hate all them, so why am I here? What will I be in this life? I know this can sounds weird for you, but in this time I had like 16 or 17 years old, I just converted for christianism and try to discover more how to do that and how to “talk with God” I didn’t understand too much, So yeah I PRAYED to God show me what to do, cause maybe he knew more than me, and it was pretty weird but I just dreamed that night that I tried 3 different universities and one of them I was accepted, was really real dream, I don’t know how to explain, I remember a paper with the 3 names and DESIGN, so ok, yes maybe this is “God” talking, I did that, and I was accepted in one of them!

Studying Design! WOW COOL! nooo. The college was in the capital of my state, I was living on the coast, so yes, I traveled every fuckin day to go there and watch the classes, 190km, go and back, aaaand waking up 4:30am, cause that classes started 7:30am :D

nice

Ok, I did this for 1 year! and when I was starting the second year the first surprise apear, I was with a tumor in my boobs, and the lovely doctor just said that was fuckin big with the size of an orange! I was really afraid about this shit, I made a surgery to take this off of my body so I stayed like a month not moving my arms, and couldn't go back to the classes, was just impossible travel like that! I tried! really bad idea... hahaha! 

Same time, my college was opening a new course! PHOTOGRAPHY! AND! AT NIGHT!!! Was perfect! I like design but the best days of my life were always in the photography classes! I was wishing this so muchhh! So my boyfriend asked to marry me, we were 4 years together and living so well, he was my first boyfriend, I met him when I was 14, yes we loved each other, we did it, beautiful party, my mom gave us a house, we bought a car, cats, dogs, good money, good work, growing growing, getting nice equipment, thinking about babys... So I was finishing my college, whaat?? PERFECT LIFE!! We decide cebrate our wedding birthday travelling to the capital, I forgot my stuff of photography in home and was very sad about it, was a special moment! we just remembered about it in the middle of the way... 

Ok, the trip was nice, but I lose my prefer t-shirt in the hotel and went home feeling so sad about it, I paid pretty much like “50 euro” let’s say, and was almost crying in the way home, just because of this, cause I worked for that money and it was so bad... So when we arrived in home, my father in law was in the door, and my door was broken, I didn’t understand... We walked inside home, and I saw just my couch in my living room, and messy around the ground, what happened? What was happening? I run around the house looking for my bag of equipment and I couldn’t find it, my tv, video game, guitar, everything was gone! My house was robbed, I couldn’t sleep anymore, my ex husband was always afraid about me and waking up in the middle of the night worried about the house, and if happen again and we be inside the house? and if we work all the years again to get all the money to buy everything again in this guys come back? And GOD why that dream? I was not suppose to be a photographer? And ALL the years travelling to study? I was starting my last job to conclude the college, I was travelling Brazil with christian rock’n roll musicians... Was the worse days of my life... Me and my ex decided sale the car and the rest of our stuff in home to try life out of Brazil, my head was so confused, I think is still!! My mom, him, friends, clients, helped me to buy beginner photography stuff again, So I could work and buy everything again. I don’t remember what I was doing and how, but 6 months later I was in Ireland, with any english, anything and no friends, just knew 1 or 2 Brazilian people there.. I was desperate! I started the english course but needed like months to start talk something, so how to ask for food? and I had to work! 

One day I was looking for second hand shops and I found one pink shop very nice in the middle of the temple bar! I texted them on fb with google translate help haha, and I got my first job, in one week! the owner, Deirdre, was an amazing person! I think she don’t know how important she was in my life, she used google every day to translate and talk with me, I needed understand which pictures she wanted, after 2 months I remember perfectly she opening google on computer and talking with me, and I understood everything so she didn’t used fuckin google!!! haha I was soo happy about it! but same time, YES ONE MORE SURPRISE!! 

ARE U READY???

My english school went bankrupt and closed, so we lose all the rest of our things, the money from the car, the couch, the freezer that we sell in Brazil to study there, lucky us that we got the student visa fast! So we could stay in Ireland for the year! After 4 months I think I was talking english pretty good, but because of work and photo shoots, I met the best people ever there, in the shop just up of that one that I was working, so I started work there as well, 4 beautiful and crazy Lithuanians! MAgne Shop! Every Sunday I was there making photo shoots like the pics that I saw when I was 12, creating, doing my collages like when I was 8 years old but know really knew about, and dancing like when I was 10 but in a place like movies! People say that my head opened, but the true is that my read exploded! I started travel and look so many new things, I didn’t know what to do, I felt like I discovered what life is, so everything started make sense, all the shits, I still don’t understand but things happen because need to happen, same time me and husband where going very bad, going to different ways, I was discovering myself and living like I wanted and he didn’t lived the same, missing family more than me, want go back to Brazil, we married very young, I was 18, he was 19, we were in love this time, but I don’t know what happened with my heart and feelings after the rob... I just don’t trust more anyone, it’s hard to say, and didn’t want somebody suffering this with me, I wanted see he happy like me, doing what he loved like me, but he was always worried about me and make me happy, but I couldn’t stay there just smiling and saying thank you and trying to do the same back, but didn’t work, after that, something died inside me, and without this thing that died inside me I couldn't keep it! I really wish that he find a good girl for him, but that he do what he really loves one day and find himself! I wish all the best Renan! So I stayed my last months in Ireland single, but never alone! hahaha, sorry!!! But was the first year of my life single! no more here about it, blá!

OK!!! NEXXTT!! Yeah, my dream, Iceland!! I did my last trips before go back to Brazil, and Iceland for suuuree was the biggest dream of my life! I saw and photographed Northern Lights, amaziinng!!! Left Ireland and stayed 3 months travelling Brazil, didn’t know to much what to do about life, but divorce yes, so I did this, and I came to Portugal! In my second day in Brazil I was crazy crying to come back to Europe, I love my country but I few very unsafe there now and the way how a big part of the population just go really opposite about who I am and what I think, and it envolves religion, politics, and everything that you can imagine, my friend said to me that she had to options, come to Portugal or be a kind of “war woman” fighting every day to try put things in the correct place! It’s very hard to understand how the government do things there, is just unacceptable! I really hope to see my country better one day! I’m sorry Brazilian people for be so vulnerable and very physiologic shaken, I just couldn’t stay more! I know that what that guys the ones that stole my house did, were not their faults totally! I know they didn’t have the same opportunity than me to study and were not theirs fault! I know nothing explain a rob! But we never know....

So I came to Portugal, Faro, is where I am now! Almost 1 year here, now I started my residence visa! I arrived here with not too much money, was staying in my aunt’s place, I got my first job in a handmade shop too, Sardinha de Papel, started sale things from the shop from Ireland (MAgne) they were sending me stuff and it kept me eating! haha and I made few open markets in the summer doing henna tattoos! I didn’t know too much what to do about life, my money was short, the guy that I “was with” broke up with me, so I was very sad, what to dooo???? And that day, was drunk day, Pedro, or PEDRÃO, or MAGAS! found me very drunk in some street and tried help me, I know I was very lucky, and it never will repeat in my life, I promise! So bring me home, I hope I was not smelling like homeless in that time, but I was almost like that haha! Other guy helped me as well! Nuno, from The Backpackers Asylum Hostel, I started work there for change for a bed, And these guys more than helped me, Pedro got me a job with him in a bar, with contract, exactly what I need to get the residence visa and stay here, he teach me lot!  and yeah, More 2 months hopefully the visa will be in my hands, I did everything that they ask for, not so easy, lots of papers and months waiting for the papers, and now after almost 1 year in Portugal, they accepted! 

Well, the plan now is stay 6 months in Portugal, working, probably in the summer! :p I need do this to keep the visa! And the others 6 months, Ireland again? Australia? Eurotrips? who knows?? 

So I did this beautyy tumblr to put what all the years that you read right now made with my mind, be careful and come with me! ;)

#loseyourself

#findyourself 

PS: SORRY ABOUT MY ENGLISH! I STUDIED ONLY 2 MONTHS! 

[alenkamali]

How come you’re never in Slovenia?

I usually come to Slovenia every year, this year I haven’t yet, but I’ll make my way down soon. (very soon, whoever’s in Europe let’s catch up!) Currently, life in Europe isn’t a big part of mine… apart from friends and family that live there. The beautiful land of the small country is surrounded by such amazing landscapes, mountains, lakes, and waterfalls… but I found a similar paradise on the other side of the world. I think that is why I love BC so much… because it reminds me of Slovenia.

    What is the best place in the world?

The one that I’m in right now.

I don’t travel to places, only to dream about that best one that I could be in. I love how flexible my life can be sometimes, that allows me to explore some pretty cool places. But it’s funny how I never think about someplace holding the title of the best. I like to appreciate the town that I’m currently in, without thinking about a better spot to be at that moment. I hope that makes sense.

    What camera do you shoot with?

I use Canon 5D mark ii. Best investment I ever did. The best lens that I love to pair it with, is my 50 mm f1.4.

  Do you use your drone a lot?

Yes, I take my drone, everywhere I go, here’s a shot, from one of my favorite Uluwatu beaches:

  The cheapest way of traveling?

Well, depends how far you want to get. I’ve hitchhiked all around Canada, states, and Europe. I have no problems with packing all my shit in a backpack and sticking my thumb out in the middle of the highway. I’ve literally done that one day when I was supposed to go up to Whistler to ski, my friends ditched so I booked a flight to Santa Cruz to surf for a week and hitchhiked to the airport. (You gotta do what you gotta do, no?) I have met many amazing people through hitchhiking, who are still, till this day, some of my best friends!

      If you live in BC and the cost of gas might be getting in your way of going to more places… you should definitely check out this awesome rideshare site, Poparide. I have taken lots of people with me while going places – especially for the long drives! Saves money for gas and provides great company! Personally, I really like it.

Then, there are plenty of cheap accommodation options on sites like Booking.com and Airbnb.com – look for homestays which save money and give you a chance to meet some locals!

If you want to know more about how I get around, check out my TRAVEL page.

    What do you do, for work?

– photography (adventure(outdoors), commercial, lifestyle, sports, Instagram content, and brand promotion – read below)

– website design (pretty self-explanatory I would say, if you know someone who’s in need of a website, don’t be afraid to shoot me an email! got some specials coming for the holidays

– affiliate marketing links and collaborations with different brands

– online work for this awesome travel company (psst…we’re launching soon)

– selling prints!

– social media consulting  for new, upcoming brands

My weekly workload changes throughout the months, but that pretty much sums it up. I like to keep it busy, but not overwhelmed.

    Do you also work, as you travel?

Yes – I do. I actually managed to create a sweet routine of being able to work from my laptop, pretty much. I usually book my photo shoots, before I travel to a certain place and work from there. Most of the time, working from a laptop, I edit pictures, build websites for others, manage projects back home or I hold private health consulting sessions over Skype and manage my SEEKING THRIVE business. I have studied the Holistic Approach of Integrative Nutrition which is allowing me to travel the world while spreading information about wealth in our health. We have a few spots left in our Portugal retreat if you’re interested check out the EVENT.

    Collaborating with brands

Through my Instagram, I collaborate with a lot of different brands as their influencer. In my opinion, the term “collab” applies to more than just creatives and companies, it also refers to the collaboration between consumer and creator to support one another in their artful pursuits. This year, I made the commitment to only support brands that align with my beliefs. I ONLY promote brands whose products I’ve tried and who’s working conditions, sustainability plan and green planet lifestyle co-ops with mine! Usually, the companies that I work with produce surfing or snowboarding clothing lines, homemade products, natural skincare etc…

If I have the power of influencing my followers, blog readers, kids of my friends and my family, then I want to do it, because I’m doing something good. Not to increase the already big percentage of consumption on this planet. Every time we shop, we give our money to businesses who make decisions in favor of the environment, we shift the direction of our future. As ocean dwellers and seaside occupants, we can no longer afford to stand by and watch our sacred playgrounds be destroyed. We are simply out of time. Being a conscious consumer means we hold the power to support the development of new values in a fast-changing social climate. Fashion is dictated by trends, and we decide the trends. It is our responsibility to make sustainability a permanent trend that drives those industry standards forward.

  ***I DO NOT support brands who run a business of only making money, underpaying or abusing their workers, getting out a wrong message to young girls or test their products on animals.***

  I love to support:

local or family-owned businesses with locally produced products

brands who put their effort into eliminating single-use plastics

fair trade

small production/handmade/organic/sustainably produced clothing

brands that GIVE AWAY (Patagonia)

companies that are making a point of reducing their footprint

authentic and artful contribution

products made with an intention

  Here some of the brands I’ve collaborated with:

Organic Cup, Suntribe Sunscreen, Manda, Entreaguas Swimwear,

  These are some of the examples of products I love to spread the word about. Those companies work hard to support the environment and the health of our bodies. As a surfer, zinc cream and sunscreen are the most important things I always pack with me, that’s why it matters a lot, how it impacts my skin and the water that I surf in. Using the organic ingredients of their choice, like cacao butter and olive oil come with many nutrient minerals and vitamins! These ingredients also don’t harm the coral reef for example, like other sunscreens. I have also been using the Organic Cup as a supplement from pads and tampons. That has saved me so much money (which can go towards another plane ticket) and waste! I love it.

** If you are a brand that wishes to collaborate with me, in exchange of an Instagram post or a blog post, please fill out the form below or contact me directly **

  Are you vegan?

No. I don’t like labels to begin with, but I eat a wholesome 90% plant-based diet and I believe in diversity. Balance is important in my life, especially when it comes to food. I eat a big variety of foods and cooking is one of my favorite activities. Transferring into a mainly plant-based diet has been easier than I imagined and dramatically improved how I felt and looked. I share the recipes daily of my cook-ups on Seeking Thrive Instagram.

  What does your morning routine look like?

I love this. Absolutely love my mornings. Developing a calm, taking-it-slow routine in the last year has helped me staying motivated in waking up early. My day usually begins around 6 in the morning, as the sun rises up (or doesn’t – if its winter time and I’m in Whistler). I keep it simple. No distractions, no phone or music or sounds or the internet. The worse habit that I’m happy that I got rid off, is checking my social media first thing, after waking up. No, I left that in 2018.

Even though I had developed a routine, I don’t necessarily stick to it very strictly. Sometimes I would meditate before journaling and other times I will do a 30-minute yoga stretch and then meditate. The idea was built around 3 or 4 mindful practices that include yoga, meditation, morning journaling and listing things I’m grateful for. Followed by the cup of green tea (or boiled ginger water with lemon) with a walk outside. No matter where I am at the moment, I love the quiet mornings. Still no distractions.

After breakfast (avo toast, granola or smoothie bowl, freshly squeezed orange juice or chia pudding) I work! So that means finally turning on my mobile devices, checking email and planning my day! Which is also the end to my zen morning! If it’s the weekend (which doesn’t necessarily mean the end of the Western week that we know, simply a day that I choose not to work), that usually puts me in the mood to read a book. I don’t think many people know, that I am a huge book warm. I read books in Slovenian, English or recently Spanish. I’m also a firm believer that books help to enhance my mood, and calm me down at the same time. Expanding my vocabulary, the creative flow and giving my brain a nice workout is important too. Is basically food for the soul! Authors and books that inspire me are usually the ones describing a surfers lifestyle, (Barbarian Days is an amazing one) or the ones with a strong female lead. They remind me of my mom.

  What’s your favorite workout?

I am not a gym person and the youtube workouts are also something long gone. Now, all the workout that I do for my body is the sports that I live for. Whether is surfing, climbing, snowboarding, hiking or even yoga. I make sure something interesting happens every day. Which isn’t hard, since my whole life is basically planned on the Search for the waves to surf, rocks to climb or the hunt for the best powder.

  Where are you based out of?

I’m based out of Canada. Most of my year, I live in this small coastal town Squamish, which is a playground for big kids. Lovers of mountain biking, backcountry skiing, kitesurfing, and hiking come from all over the world, to enjoy the beauty of our place! Surrounded by mountains, close to the ocean – my friends and I fell in love with this piece of paradise that we now proudly call home.

  Do you make videos too?

For sure. I took a break from video making that I loved so much, in earlier stages of my “media career”. But I am ready now, to start creating more. I think it was good of how I grew a little more, gave my creative self some space, and now I’m back on track with ideas for more stories I’d love to produce. In terms of filmmaking, 2019 will be a very exciting year.

MOTION REEL is the name of my portfolio. I think it holds a washed out, rustic touch from the ’90s which I’m a fan on. It makes me think of film camera, typewriter script and coffee spilled storyboarding. The pieces that bring me the most joy, were usually shot with some hippie athletes, in the mountains or beach bums in Bali. I had an amazing opportunity of shooting with Ozzy Wright in Uluwatu and some pretty impressive skiers in Whistler. Similar as with photography, my love for filmmaking keeps growing every day.

  Where did you learn photography and editing?

Mostly while practicing. Being on terrain and working with other professionals and experts. Having a circle of friends that are into the same things, really helped me improve them. And not just with photography! I watched a lot of Youtube and Skillshare videos and tutorials. I even made one on my own, about tropical photography!

  Where are you from?

I was born in Slovenia. That is where it all began. My father is Slovenian, and so is my mom. But she was born and raised in Argentina, where my brothers and I spend a lot of our childhood. Bariloche is a beautiful place, located in Patagonia and I’m very proud to call it my home, even though I wasn’t born there.

  Words that you live by?

“Embrace the highs and learn from the lows; stability is important, but it is not our purpose.”

  What are your top skin care products?

I have actually been eliminating any kind of product from my morning and evening routine. In general, using close to zero of the cosmetic chemical stuff, full of promises. I’ve been completely in love with just massaging myself with organic coconut oil before and after a shower, either when I’d wake up or before going to sleep. For my face, I only use Zinc made sunscreen, for surfing (I use Suntribe Sunscreen – they’re the best small family-run business, based out of Europe) and for washing my face – I make a mix of pure coconut and argan oil. Voila! If my skin isn’t having a great week, I would usually apply some tea tree oil.

I am nowhere near having perfect skin, but I’m learning how to accept it and love it every day.

        Do you have more questions, about how I travel, where I live and what I do for work? Would you like to collaborate with me? Fill out the form below and I’ll get back to you, within the following 24 hours.

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Answers to very personal questions like where I live, what I do for work and how I'm able to travel around. How come you're never in Slovenia? I usually come to Slovenia every year, this year I haven't yet, but I'll make my way down soon.

[samtheflamingomain]

heroin drivers

Man. Some shit just drives me from 0-100 in zero seconds flat.

A coworker shared a post on Facebook that was just text: “Having safe injection sites for heroin is like having a designated ‘drunk driving’ lane on the highway”.

This instantly made me FURIOUS. For more than just the obvious surface reasons (it makes sense, it saves money, it saves LIVES).

See, when I was living at a homeless shelter, I lived with a handful of meth addicts. I opted to carry a Nalproxone pack on me during that time. Most people at Roof did. Because most of them knew at least one meth/heroin/etc user whose life may be saved by the fact that I have an Epipen of Nalproxone in my bag. Luckily I never had to use it.

I would literally sit next to my interim friends on the curb by the park while they shot up some drug or another. But most of them did so inside the homeless shelter, in the room that was designated for safe injections. 

Knowing they had a place where they can get clean needles isn’t the fucking difference between people doing drugs and not doing drugs. It’s the difference between a potential case of HIV and NOT getting HIV.

Let’s call her Rachel. She was heavily addicted to intravenous meth. She told me one night that her boyfriend almost died from an overdose, but because he was at a safe injection site, Nalproxone was administered and his life was saved. THEN, he got clean because of the experience.

I’ve been heavily invested in the War on Drugs ™ since I was old enough to understand it. And once I realized that there are people in PRISON for having a terrible ADDICTION, I became the most ardent and stern proponent against locking up nonviolent drug “criminals”. 

(Tangent, but important: In Canada, weed is now legal. Yet there are still THOUSANDS of people locked up for selling or possessing weed. They are literally in prison for something that is NOT A CRIME.)

To get back to the post that initiated this rant, I think it’s the conflation between heroin users and drunk drivers that got me the most pissed. Sitting in your basement taking a hit of ANYTHING is not even REMOTELY comparable to the danger one does by driving drunk. There are, by FAR, many, MANY more deaths/accidents/injuries/etc related to alcohol than to hard drugs. Should we therefore outlaw alcohol?

No. We’ve come to understand that, while some people become addicted to alcohol, most don’t, so let’s let people have some fun now and then. And please, alert me to the last time *heroin* driving killed someone.

And while I’m absolutely aware that heroin is much more addictive and harmful than alcohol, it still is a fact that 80%-something of people who do *any* drug don’t become addicted. 

Look, I’m literally an alcoholic. I actually wish alcohol WAS illegal so I wouldn’t be able to access it so easily. But that’s ridiculously unfair to those who aren’t addicted to alcohol. And so, just because there exists a certain percentage of the population who do become addicted to heavy drugs, despite what might seem intuitive, they should be legal. Regulated heavily, but legal. I rest my case with Portugal, who legalized all drugs a few years ago and have since seen their drug use PLUMMET.

There are literally ZERO downsides to safe injection sites. They save more money in medical emergencies than they cost, and, to me at least, if all the costs for these sites save even one life, prevent even one overdose, they’re worth it to me. 

I guess my coworker doesn’t feel the same. 

Honestly, I have no sympathy or empathy for those who like to group addicts in with actual criminals. Sorry not sorry that I’m an actual human with empathy and understanding.

Fuck off, Rob.

Stay Greater.