#there are so many lil references packed in there it's so clever

[omgitsahole]

So about the ‘Liar’ music video...

Well well well...  👀 👀  👀

If that didn’t speak for itself, the fact that Camila is literally dressed like a flamingo, another interesting thing about this scene is that when PR Fiance McDoucheface pops a bottle of champagne in celebration all the flamingos fly away

Possibly hinting how her awards and celebrations are very public, but her sexuality can’t be and both she and the people around her have to hide.

Camila sings “and no one sees it” and all the flamingos disappear... except for one, perhaps Taylor..(or Shawn)?  👀 

Now that all the flamingos are gone and her sexuality is hidden again, Sad Scrotum Sam shows her a jacket to wear, which looks oddly like the ones she wears on tour and in the public eye.

In conclusion:

Camren

[uppermocns-moved]

if you’re taking requests maybe roadtrips with eren, jean, armin and connie?

road trips

oh my god this is the greatest idea i’ve ever heard. 

eren, jean, armin, connie + road trips

(going on a road trip with all four of them at the end)

cw: fairly gender-neutral, modernverse, weed references

𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗻 𝗷𝗮𝗲𝗴𝗲𝗿

eren insists on driving the whole time, no matter how long the trip is.

his phone is plugged into the aux because “my car, my rules” but he doesn’t complain when you unlock his phone and start picking songs. 

forcing him to pull into a drive-through so he can eat real food, not just the 44 oz of mountain dew and monster energy he got from the gas station before you left.

hand-feeding him french fries.

playing i spy when it’s too dark to see anything, or on long highway stretches where the scenery doesn’t change. 

“i spy... something blue.” “is it the sky?” “you’re so good at this, babe.”

it’s very easy to talk him into impulsive detours, even if they’re in the opposite direction – he may be the one driving, but he’s relying solely on you for instructions. just tell him where you’re going and he’ll take you there.

“___ is only a two hour drive from here! we should go!” “yeah? okay.” 

driving with the windows down and enjoying the cool nighttime air.

car-camping in national parks – putting the seats down in the back and throwing together your bed for the night, sitting on the hood of his car to look at the stars with no light pollution, getting baked and watching a dumb show off his phone before going to sleep. 

at this point, eren realizes he forgot to pack his phone charger so you’ve gotta share.

getting breakfast together. eren’s not a morning person, but he can’t be grumpy when you’re looking so cute and sleepy in one of his hoodies. 

eren driving with one hand on the wheel and the other holding yours, occasionally lifting it up for a kiss as a silent thank you for being there with him. as if you’d dream of being anywhere else. 

𝗷𝗲𝗮𝗻 𝗸𝗶𝗿𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗶𝗻

listening to the radio to keep things spontaneous, usually the classic rock stations. 

jean taking his hands off the wheel because he needs to air-bass along.

listening to true crime podcasts when the radio cuts out – it’s funny watching jean’s face twist up in disgust during crime scene details, and sometimes he yells in response as if the podcasters can hear him. you also play detective about who you think did it – loser buys food at the next stop. 

music keeps things energetic at the start, but podcasts keep his mind stimulated when he’s been driving for a while. 

the original plan is to split the driving, but you end up falling asleep with your face smushed against the window and jean doesn’t have the heart to wake you up. he doesn’t mind driving the rest of the way.

stopping for food every couple of hours to make sure you’re both eating properly, not just snacks. you do have plenty of snacks, though. 

jean going "uh – excuse me” whenever you open a bag of something and sticking his hand out. he’s like a dad, he always needs a handful of whatever you’re having. sharing is caring. 

jean always packs a lot of unnecessary things, and he will reserve the right to say i told you so when his double-hammock comes in handy.

limited stops along the way (minus food/gas/bathroom) – getting there relatively early means you can relax in the hotel room and maybe explore/go out for dinner later that night.  

when you take over driving, jean is a big window-watcher and takes a lot of pictures of the mountains/scenery. 

already making plans on cool things you can do on the way back, when you have no time restraints – day trips, scenic rest stops, hikes, etc. 

𝗮𝗿𝗺𝗶𝗻 𝗮𝗿𝗹𝗲𝗿𝘁

stopping at a starbucks first-thing to get drinks for the road (he makes sure to get some food too so you’re not just running off a venti iced coffee)

splitting the driving – armin is the better (and calmer) navigator so you usually take the first and final shift. 

dozens of cute polaroids to put in your adventure scrapbook

researches fun (and romantic) things you can do when you get to your destination and reads them aloud to you. you come up with a plan together. that waterfall hike sounded really fun. 

armin takes lots of videos because he likes making little montages for his socials

you’re in control of the music. armin likes when you show him new artists – he’ll slowly nod his head along and inevitably add the songs to his spotify. he really likes snail mail. 

he takes over driving when you get tired – he likes holding your hand when he drives, or sometimes you’ll lean over and rest your hand on his thigh.

armin trying not to melt when you put on one of his hoodies for warmth – you have your own, but his are comfier and they smell like him. 

silly games to pass time like i spy or looking for different license plates. it’s fun until armin gets clever and spies things like the mile marker from 10 miles back. 

you insist you aren’t going to fall asleep because you wanna keep him company, but you end up curling into your pillow and dozing off mid-conversation. it’s adorable, and he doesn’t mind. he’ll usually turn on a podcast or an audiobook. 

armin stays awake the whole time but it catches up with him once you reach your destination – all he wants to do is cuddle and rest up

𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗻𝗶𝗲 𝘀𝗽𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗿

leaving a day in advance or very early in the morning because you stop at every tourist attraction along the way.

scenic lookout? let’s go there. world’s biggest ball of yarn? fuck, count me in. meteor craters? already merging onto the exit. dinosaur bones? you read my mind. 

picking up cool souvenirs along the way like geodes and stickers to put on his water bottle. maybe a funky lil alien to hang from the rearview mirror, along with his 20 tree air fresheners. 

taking cute, cheesy pictures of and with each other – connie posing with his arms out like he’s holding the mountain, standing in front of national park signs, etc. 

you collaborated on a road-trip playlist in advance (it’s 12 hours long)

somehow you end up listening to veggie tales or absolutely losing it until the car starts rocking to britney spears

"i love this song” to every song, as if he didn’t put it on the playlist 

listening to connie sing along and butcher all the lyrics. impressive falsetto, though. 

arsenal of snacks – more than you realistically need

screaming every time you see a new “welcome to ___” sign

“WELCOME TO ___!” “WOOOOOO!”

connie rocking the socks with slides. it’s comfortable. 

pulling through drive throughs every once in a while for food, continuously forgetting to throw out the trash bag from your last stop. 

𝗴𝗼𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗼𝗻 𝗮 𝗿𝗼𝗮𝗱 𝘁𝗿𝗶𝗽 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺

stopping at the gas station to fill up the gas tank and stock up on snacks for the road – almost everything from the candy aisle, giant bags of doritos, slushies, energy drinks. nobody really thinks to get actual food.

the driving is split between eren “i’m serious, pull the fucking car over or i’m gonna piss myself, jean” jaeger and jean “eren stop honking my fucking horn, traffic won’t go any faster” kirstein. armin is the navigator because they’ll both get everyone lost.

everyone has their turn with the aux cord – until connie cracks himself up playing the same song over and over, then you have to pry it from eren’s cold, dead hands.

so many pictures

impulsive stops at tourist attractions.

playing dumb games to pass the time (quickly turns into replacing one word on each sign with “poop” because they’re all a bunch of children).

finally stopping at a diner later that night for real food

making it to the campsite and setting up tents and hammocks

getting baked around the campfire and telling spooky stories

connie complaining and scaring himself while he wanders off into the dark forest to find a spot to piss

smores (ofc)

going on group hikes and jumping into lakes/down waterfalls together. video of jean belly-flopping.

[cinnamonest]

Razor (Genshin Impact) - Yandere Profile

@bleachlemon

I'm glad you are ok with it because oh boy do I have some very very n a s t y noncon-y thoughts about our wolfboi. We love a dense boy, not a single thought in his empty, horny lil brain. Head empty, just horny for y/n. 

I also have the big horny™ for any cross between boys and canines... Does smth for me. As if my favoritism wasn't obvious by how much I've written below lmao

tw: general yandere content, violence, mentions of n/sfw

tw below cut: breeding, heavy  noncon, like jfc this is nasty, misogynistic

----

What are they generally like? Lucid, aware? Obsessive? How do they behave?

The biggest issue with Razor is his complete and total lack of restraint. He sees no need for it, he has no real concept of social norms. Wolves don't really practice restraint on... anything. When they see something they want to kill, they kill it, when they see something they want to have, they have it, when they're mad, they attack, when they're hungry, they eat.

So in a way, he's perfectly lucid, but doesn't act as a normal lucid person who understands social norms would do. He knows that you give him some burning, fluttery feeling, and that he enjoys having you around, and that he gets sad when you have to leave. He's perceptive enough to know it's the same urge that drives humans to form their long-term mate partnerships. If that's what they refer to as "love," he'll readily adopt that term as a way to describe what he feels. What he doesn't get is everything between point A and point Z. No point in all the "courtship" and "marriage" and other human customs -- he doesn't need to "date" to know you're the one, and he doesn't need some signed paper to signify he loves you. In his mind, it's perfectly logical to expect you to immediately come live out in Wolvendom with him. You did accept all his courtship signs, after all.

Wolves are very straightforward with it, you see. Their courtship includes going for walks side-by-side, close to each other, which you did when you let him guide you through the woods. Wolves will rest their head or legs on the other, and you let him rest his head on your shoulder (even if you flinched with surprise when he did, uncomfortable but too nice to say anything). He even when to the extent of engaging in human mating rituals -- you accepted all those gifts he hunted down, and you smiled when he said nice things about how pretty you are, how nice you smell.

So in other words, you've basically already accepted him as a mate. That's what he's perceived, and changing his initial perceptions is not easily accomplished.

How likely are they to kidnap their darling? How quickly will they do so?

One of the most likely, and definitely the fastest. Possibly after meeting you a single time. He can't take the risk of you not coming back.

He won't be very subtle or sneaky about it either, not tricking you into walking right into captivity, nor drugging you or taking you in your sleep. It's very straightforward - it's not like there's anyone in Wolvendom to hear you, so he has no problem just slinging you over his shoulder and carrying you off. He kinda gets why you'd panic, so he reassures you that no, he's not gonna eat you or anything, you're just going home.

Don't worry about the pack - they won't eat you either, or even hurt you. He's already told them not to. He gets why you might be frightened by the massive, snarling creatures and their massive teeth and eyes that shine in moonlight, but he'll make sure you get used to them and accept them as your family, just like he has.

How difficult is it to escape from them? How do they keep you restrained? How do they deal with attempted escape? 

That depends. Can you fight off two 180-pound masses of claws, teeth, and muscle? If so, sure, it'll be easy. If not... you'll have some issues.

He's lucky to have such a loyal pack that will help him with these things - they don't exactly understand why you'd want to leave, but they know you're not supposed to. Even when he has to leave you, which isn't often, he'll leave a few of them around to watch you. To make sure no one comes and steals you or anything - and of course, the implication that it's to make sure you don't run away, either. He doesn't really get why you would, but he's come to the realization, based on what you've tried to tell him, that you miss your family and friends. And he gets that, he really does, but in the end, he's selfish at his core, and his empathy for you isn't enough for him to just let you go.

He sleeps latched onto you, arms wrapped around you, so it's not a good idea to try. Your best bet is to wait for a time he's gone and distract the wolves with something, which isn't too hard, and run for it. But even if you do manage to escape, you won't be for long. They can smell you from a mile away and will use your scent to pinpoint you down within a few minutes. They don't exactly have any gentle ways of taking you down and bringing you back, either. They're basically going to have to use their teeth, so it's better if you don't struggle - you'll just hurt yourself.

If he catches you, though, he'll just get huffy and angry, and much like when initially taking you, he'll just pick you right up and bring you back. He's not opposed to stealing ropes and the like from the passing knights, and tying knots isn't too difficult to figure out.

How easy are they to trick, deceive, or manipulate?

Poor boy is very easy to lie to and manipulate. Head empty, not many thoughts up there. However, you'll have to be clever about it, because most of the time, even if he believes you, he doesn't care. Sure, you can easily convince him that it's normal for human couples to sleep separately... But that's not going to stop him from curling up with you, because that's what he does. That's what wolves do.

He will, however, be somewhat easily manipulated into getting you things you want, if he thinks it'll make you happy. However, obtaining things you want will almost definitely come in the form of theft, or worst case scenario, the body of a passer-by that just so happened to have something you wanted visibly on their person.

If he finds out you lied to him on something, he'll get pouty and grumpy. It's not pleasant, but it's better than the rage reaction of some yanderes.

How lenient are they? What privileges can you have, and what will you be denied?

His life revolves around you, and yours should revolve around him. That's how mates are. You can go for walks in the woods! You can take naps in the sun together! You can spend literal hours mating! Why would you need anything else?

That being said, he's always had a uniqueness from the wolves in that he's awake more - wolves sleep about 14 hours a day, him only about 8 or 9. You'll definitely be getting a lot more sleep than you would back home, but you'll have a few precious hours to yourselves. It makes him happy - it used to be time he spent all alone, a reminder of how he didn't truly fit in with humans nor wolves. But now, you have that time together! He's willing to do most anything you want, so long as you're together. He's always had some adaptative differences he practices by himself - making fires, cooking food on them, wearing clothes. If you want to go exploring, you can do that, if you want to make food, you can do that too. He'll even accommodate you if you want to do useless things, like your insistence on teaching him to read, or practicing his speech.

What kind of rules do they have? What kind of punishment would they use?

It's fairly simple. Don't leave. That's really the one big one.

He's actually not one to make a rule against fighting him - he'll see it as you wanting to play fight, wrestling, which wolves do all the time. It's fun, even if it's easy for him to win. And it's exciting when you fight back, in a weird way.

Don't make contact with other humans, if you see them. Oh, and he'll want you to report to him everything you did or saw while he was gone hunting.

Generally, if he gives you a command, which isn't too much, he expects you to follow it. In his mind, he's the male, he's supposed to tell you what to do. Isn't that how it usually works with humans too?

If you're too disobedient, he'll get grumpy. Honestly, his most likely form of dealing with it is to wrestle you to the ground, and essentially hold you down until you comply or agree to whatever he wants.

How do they deal with rivals, or perceived rivals? Will they get rid of them? Will they kill them themselves, or find another way?

Rip.

But seriously. No, they're not going to last. He's one of the more paranoid ones, because deep down he's aware of how little he understands. For all he knows, every human male that talks to you could be doing what you call "flirting." Hell, didn't some girls like other girls too? How does he know which ones do and which ones don't? That means everyone is a threat, and he can't let threats get in the way.

He's not one of the ones to be subtle or try to hide it from you. He will probably try a little bit if he knows it's one of your family or friends whose blood is soaking his clothes when he comes back to you, but if it's random, he might even be proud. Look at that, he took down a whole search party that came looking for you all by himself! It's proof of his strength and dominance, and you should be happy that you have a strong mate to protect you! And he doesn't really empathize well - if you're upset, he will explain exactly that to you, and insist you change how you see things. Humans are so strange, being upset that your mate is able to protect you. You'll see why it's a good thing eventually, he's sure.

How easy is it to make them mad? What does their anger look like?

He gets frustrated pretty easily. It's usually just a lack of understanding, in his mind, you're being unnecessarily difficult almost all the time. He has told you a million times he doesn't care about whatever is normal for humans, yet you continuously bring it up, and that's a bit irritating. He'll huff and sigh and clamp a hand over your mouth if you're going on about it, and if you really refuse to shut up about it, there are a variety of ways of making you quiet - or distracting you from complaints.

He's got an immature streak, as he never really had anyone around to teach him otherwise. So he gets very pouty, a little bit aggressive and forceful when it comes to being upset over something or getting his way. If he wants attention and you're not giving it to him, he won't hesitate to just take whatever you're holding and focused on of your hands and toss it to the side.

On the positive side, he's never going to be passive aggressive. He's always straightforward and has no hesitation to tell you exactly how he's feeling.

If he's genuinely, truly furious, he can get violent. He'll probably apologize and definitely feel bad, licking all the little wounds. He wouldn't try to do anything so bad as bone breaking or severely hurting you, but might accidentally lose control of his own strength.

Do they see you as above them, beneath them, or equal to them?

More or less an equal. Not much to say here, as, to be honest, that sort of thing hasn't really crossed his mind. He doesn't waste time with thoughts of relative value, he just knows he loves you and wants you.

Subconsciously, it would be slightly below. Due to a very natural upbringing, he automatically associates males as being the leaders and alphas, while females are... Well, puppy-making machines. Don't try to accuse him of any sort of sexism or anything - he can't even really wrap his head around the concept, much less understand why it's wrong to acknowledge how much weaker you are than him. If you need proof of that, he can easily wrestle with you and prove it.

How determined are they for you to love them? How hard will they try to make it happen? Or are they content just having you?

Pretty highly determined. He mistakes a lot of things as signs of love, though. You might be only complying out of fear or exhaustion, but he won't be able to tell, he's not good with facial expressions, so he thinks it's a sign you're accepting him.

Honestly, he's one of the ones that, albeit unintentionally, will kind of guilt you into acceptance. You inevitably feel bad for him, you can tell how lonely he really is, and how desperately he loves you, wants you to love him. His intentions aren't malicious, and it's actually difficult to truly resent him, unlike some yanderes. Ironically, it reaches a point where rejecting him sometimes really does feel like kicking a sad little stray puppy in the rain - it makes you feel awful when he gets sad and quiet.

While there are a lot of yanderes who would be a lot more earnest and striving to serve and please you, which he doesn't really do, he's probably one of the most patient yanderes when it comes to this. He doesn't care if it takes the rest of your lives. He'll never give up or just settle for having you with him, he'll be loving you and trying to be reassured of your love till the day he dies, if that's what it takes.

Bonus: Is there anything that makes them unique, in comparison to other yanderes?

Primarily, it's hard to emphasize how significantly his lack of human socialization impacts his yandere behaviors.

Most yanderes are forced to acknowledge the inherent wrongness of their actions - some will accept it and not care that it's wrong, some sadists enjoy knowing it's wrong, some will delude themselves into justifying it, some will try their best to act within moral boundaries or make up for their wrongness somehow. But all in all, they all have to face the reality of the situation and understand that what they're doing is considered wrong.

Razor's not like that. He doesn't really take the moral aspect into consideration. To him, the whole idea is simply a human thing entirely. It doesn't matter what humans do. He views the world in a very black and white sense. Morality is a more abstract concept, what's more important is how things are relative to himself - what he wants.

Tends to communicate in strange ways. Excess emotions, too much happiness or anger or whatever can make him forget his words, so there's a lot of subtle communication through grunts, whimpers, growls. Over time, you learn how to distinguish between the various noises and body language and what they mean.

Will lick you. It's weird. It's kinda gross. But it's just how he shows affection. He tends to get carried away with kisses, ending up lapping at your lips, licking your neck and collarbones, nuzzling his head into you.

General perverseness: how sexual of a person are they? What’s their drive like? How touchy do they get? Do they have any reservations about sexuality?

Scientifically speaking, male sex drive is heavily boosted by testosterone. Testosterone can be greatly increased by heavy physical activity, eating high amounts of meat, sun exposure, and is even directly correlated to spending large amounts of time outdoors. 

You see where this is going.

Very high drive, very touchy, and no reservations, no shame. Thank whatever deity you care to recognize in Tevyat that you're isolated from other people out in the woods, because he has no concept of norms or appropriateness, and trying to get him to understand is a fruitless effort. You're wasting your time trying to explain the idea that groping and touching out of the blue is considered rude, or that most human men take issue with being very visibly, very noticeably hard and would likely try to conceal it, not just sit there with the blatant bulge poking forward... His response will only be that you're far away from humans, so it shouldn't matter. He's just trying to show you he loves you, that's why he insists on grinding into you all the time, staring at your body, humping you when you're curled up together quite ironically like a horny dog.

Unfortunately, he basically just does not know how to be gentle or slow about it. He can start off trying to be slow and soft if you beg for it, but once you're actually laying there and he's in you, he gets caught up in instinct and the heat of the moment, and just kinda... forgets about that whole "slow and gentle" thing, opting to just rut you as hard and fast as possible.

He doesn't talk much during sex. He already has some trouble forming sentences in normal times, you can't expect him to when he's fucking. You won't get a lot of words besides the occasional, "good, feels good," or little commands, but you will get a lot of animalistic noises - possessive growls, little whines of pleasure. He doesn't have any sense to hold back on his noises.

He's also the least likely to care about things like shaving, periods, or imperfections. Which is good, but you also can't use those things as an excuse to not fuck, it'll go in one ear and out the other.

How forceful are they? Do they care about your willingness?

It's not so much an intentional disregard for your willingness, so much as a combo of not really considering it, and thinking it's just something you'll change on. If he's human, and he has the urge, that means surely you do too. Sometimes humans need emotional connections before they want to mate, right? So he just needs to express his love to you. The looping problem there is that fucking you is pretty much his primary way of expressing love. It'll work out in the end, he guesses.

His limited knowledge of humanity also will lead him to certain conclusions. From what he understands, human society often shames females for having sex and wanting sex, right? That's dumb. But their mentality is probably ingrained in your brain, isn't it? That's why you act like this. But don't worry, he's not like the human men. Wolves don't feel that way. You'll understand that with time.

What sort of kinks or fetishes do they have, or would they fill?

Biting/Scratching/Marking

It's a natural reaction to him. If he's balls deep in you, mounted on and pounding into your body, thrusting so hard that your body is lurching forward with every movement, he wants a way to hold you still, keep your body in place so that each pounding goes deeper and harder. It's second nature for him to just sink his teeth into your jugular, your neck, your shoulders. As an added bonus, he likes seeing the marks it leaves behind, in addition to how his fingernails that dig into your hips leave little indents in your skin.

Breeding

He doesn't know how to not cum in you. You can't honestly expect him to pull out of you, you're so warm and wet and soft, it would be torture not to reach a climax buried inside that tight heat. You can go on a rant about not wanting to get pregnant, but it'll go in one ear and out the other. He doesn't get it - you're supposed to want to have his pups. Do you not think he's a suitable mate for reproducing? You'll be halfway through explaining why kids aren't in your current agenda before being flipped over and pounded into yet again with his newfound determination to prove his strength and dominance to you. Once you understand that, surely, you'll want all the puppies you can possibly make.

Predator/Prey

This applies mostly to escape attempts. He'll be mad, but it triggers something in him, something instilled by years of hunting down poor little prey animals. The desire to hunt you down, find you, and ruin you. Instead of ripping you apart like he would boars, he can't think of anything but just fucking you up against the nearest tree, the ground, anything. The faster you run, the more afraid you are, the more exciting it is. It's a very primal urge, one that commands all sorts of predators, both in feeding and breeding.

Forced Orgasms

As with many human things, he makes certain discoveries with time about sex. The first time you fuck, it'll probably be too rough for you to really cum, but it'll only be a few days in before your body adjusts to the girth that's frequently inside of you, and you end up spasming all over him - and he's just got this shocked expression, watching with amazement when you clench down and quiver under him. Wait, you mean human females can orgasm too? Not just the men?

From that point forward, he's determined to fuck, lick, grind, and force every orgasm out of you as physically possible. It makes him feel a weird sort of pride and contentment. It's one of the few things that makes him a big smug. Even if you feel like you can't possibly cum any more, he'll try anyway.

How do they feel about pregnancy or babies? Do they want them?

It's your purpose! He has learned that human girls only have one baby at a time, sometimes two, which is nothing compared to how many pups wolves usually have in one litter. That means that you'll have to make up for the lack of quantity of pups with quantity of pregnancies, which means constantly breeding and breeding and making sure every last drop stays inside of you. He doesn't understand why humans would even want to prevent pregnancy, it's the best thing that can happen, it's the whole reason you're alive, and it's a sign that you're his. Like with most things, he knows eventually you'll come around. Once you actually have the pups there in front of you, you'll love it. He knows you will.

What kind of (nsfw) punishments would they use?

He's a little lacking on the thought process behind punishing. If he's mad, it tends to cloud his thoughts, reverting to a more animalistic state, and he's not gonna have the complex thoughts required to really think through punishment, so it's not gonna be anything complex.

Doesn't really matter, if he's mad, just fucking you is going to feel like a punishment, with him slamming you into the ground, a tree, any rough surface nearby and just rutting you, claw-like fingernails digging into your skin and teeth sinking into your shoulder to hold you in place, a hand clasped around your throat. Fucking is basically the primary outlet he chooses for his emotions, happiness, love, stress, and anger alike, a simple, primal form of expression. If he's mad, he just needs to take it out on something, release all of that force and energy into rough, brutal motions. Normally when he's angry, he'll go hunt down some animal, taking all that anger out on the kill. But, recently he's learned he actually quite prefers to release his anger this way. It's more satisfying and enjoyable, and it deters you from stepping out of line, too. It's not just your average slightly rough fucking, no, it's the kind of fucking that will genuinely hurt you, rutting you over and over until your insides are burning from friction, your walls and cervix so completely bruised and abused you'll feel the  throbbing soreness with every movement for days, hands leaving massive bruises all across your hips and shoulders. Not that that's any excuse to not fuck more, no, no soreness will get you out of normal daily routine.

What body parts of their darling do they like the most?

He has a thing for breasts. They're very unique to humans, it's something he hasn't had the opportunity to see or understand, and he'll spend a lot of time just burying his face in them, licking and sucking. Big or small, doesn't matter. He just likes them.

One more nasty HC i can't not talk about

wait, you mean humans have sex... Facing each other? There are positions other than doggy? It's all he's ever seen. Porn and the internet don't exactly exist in this world. The whole concept blows his mind. He can fuck you AND see your face while he does? He'll nearly faint right then and there, and you'll regret bringing it up once you've gone numb from the repetitive pounding. He'll start asking you what else exists out there, his brain will start thinking of all the different ways to fuck he's never thought about. Once he learns you can ride him, he's in heaven, even if it's not so much riding so much as you sitting on his cock and him bouncing you up and down with such ferocity you can't even move your legs.

Speaking of things he doesn't know about, if you're smart, you make sure he doesn't find out about blowjobs. He'll love it, and it won't be a blowjob so much as him literally fucking your throat, grabbing your head and hair and just wrecking your mouth.

None of it is him trying to hurt you, really. He just doesn't understand how to be gentle. He might get better with time, but he's got a predator-born ferocity, a primal roughness that will always be a part of his nature.

(yes i did research on wolf courtship/mating rituals for this bc i suffer for my art)

[ckret2]

So I’ve got a Spotify playlist consisting of the compiled contents of 81 different Alastor-centric playlists, like I just copied the contents of every single playlist I could find with no cultivation, no filtering, and no censoring. The one limitation I put was no duplicates of the same song—although multiple versions of the same song off different albums was allowed.

And since then I’ve been listening to this all-packed-together playlist on shuffle. It’s brought up several comments/questions. Highlights include:

- To every single person that includes a romance song with lines like “baby you’re my angel” or the like: are you a Radiodust shipper actually referring to Angel, or are you a Charlastor shipper referring to Charlie’s “fallen angel” heritage?

- One of you included an entire creepypasta story about the devil talking a man into killing his ex-wife and her lover as part of a 500-step-long plan to conceive the Antichrist and I’m not quite sure why it was on an Alastor playlist but I appreciate the characterization of the devil in it. I guess a creepypasta is kind of a radioplay of sorts? Maybe more Alastor playlists should just have random radioplays mixed in.

- To the person who included half a Kidz Bop album on their Alastor playlist: I’m not judging, I just wanna know why. I want to understand. I really want to understand.

- I respect all you people that included song covers by Scott Bradlee’s Postmodern Jukebox and I understand where you’re coming from, but like, if you’re not familiar with music genres from before 1990, I suggest you look up which genre a given PMJ cover is trying to emulate, because if you’re stuffing PMJ covers on a playlist specifically to make them “sound like” Alastor’s era or because you’re going for “songs Alastor would like because they sound like what he’s used to,” then a PMJ cover that makes a 1990s song sound like a 1970s song isn’t quite in the right neighborhood.

- There are different philosophies that go into making a character playlist. Some go “the genre has to fit the character’s era and/or personal tastes, whether or not the lyrics do.” Some go “the lyrics have to fit the character, genre be damned.” Some go “these songs were big/popular when I was into this character so that’s what I associated with them.” Some go “these songs are really out there for the canon character but fit my headcanons.” Some people may have totally different criteria I haven’t even thought of! Anyway the point is: when you mix over eighty playlists together, you get every single playlist-making philosophy mixed together, and it’s an exciting experience to listen to.

- And on that note: every single genre on the planet is on this playlist. We’ve got Britney Spears, we’ve got Vocaloid, we’ve got Thomas Sanders (we’ve got a LOT of Thomas Sanders), we’ve got My Chemical Romance, Two Steps from Hell, Barry Manilow, Oingo Boingo, Within Temptation, Madonna, Kesha, Hans Zimmer, ... we’ve got the poppiest pop, emo, metal, electronic, folk, rap, rock, movie soundtracks, TV soundtracks, classical, disco, country, KPop, Carrie Underwood, every single decade for the last 150 years... and I’m deliberately leaving out all the jazz, swing, electroswing, and musicals, because those are a given for Alastor. Obviously those ones dominate the playlist but it’s amazing how much variety there is outside them.

- I’m frankly amazed by how much of this playlist is Thomas Sanders and Bendy and the Ink Machine. Like. It’s a notable quantity.

- That said, actually the playlist doesn’t quite include every single genre. Like, for example: I can tell y’all want to lean into Alastor’s New Orleanian/Louisianan/Creole roots from how many songs I’ve seen that include words like voodoo, Creole, New Orleans, bayou, uhhhh The Princess & the Frog, etc... And yet aside from a few New Orleanian jazz artists so far I have crossed paths with very little Louisianan music compared to, say... Undertale songs. So here. Start with some Cajun, try some Mardi Gras songs, I’m not totally sure how much of this playlist is “actually from Louisiana” and how much is “other people making songs that they think are Louisianan” but try this one anyway, and once you’ve oriented yourself a bit dig in here. I wanna see ten Alastor playlists with one song that includes “Zydeco” in the title or album name, stat. Sure, we know Alastor’s all jazz and swing and musicals, but I sure don’t listen to only three genres, you probably don’t listen to only three genres, and Mr. Radio Guy Whose Public Title Includes The Word “Radio” Who Likes Bursting Spontaneously Into Musical Numbers probably listens to more genres than you and me combined, and those genres probably started with what was local & accessible & common around where he grew up.

- Then again I haven’t listened to this whole playlist yet, sometimes I put it on shuffle and sometimes I put it in alphabetical order to try to slowly work through it from top to bottom (I’ve made it mostly through the C’s) so maybe y’all hid the Cajun & Creole music down in the D’s. But lemme say this: while randomly shuffling through the playlist, I’ve randomly run into multiple Irish drinking songs & shanties, and randomly run into zero zydeco, so like from those of you who follow the “music that sounds like what the character listens to” philosophy of playlist-making, non-jazz Louisianan music could use a lil more representation. If there’s room for twenty-six Billie Eilish songs there’s room for one BeauSoleil song. (I’m partial to “L’ouragon,” but you do you)

- Somewhere in this massive mixed playlist there are three parody medleys of Disney songs rewritten to be like “here are grimdark edgy lyrics about all of the terrible real-world things happening to the cultures depicted in these Disney movies!” and like, okay, I can see why that merits inclusion in an Alastor playlist, his big moment in the pilot was “take an optimistic song worthy of a Disney princess and rewrite it with grimdark edgy lyrics,” but those three songs still annoy the hell out of me because the specific way they frame the concept of their songs is that Disney movies/songs are “full of lies” and these songs reveal the lies. And then it’s things like... “Aladdin got captured and interrogated by the CIA,” which is definitely a thing that happened to a character living in an ambiguous time period that predates the existence of the United States, much less the CIA, much less the CIA’s meddling in the middle east, by several centuries. Disney was definitely lying about the reality of Aladdin’s day-to-day existence by not depicting American imperialism that predates America. Or “the characters in The Princess & the Frog have to deal with the fallout of Hurricane Katrina,” like, yeah, Disney sure is pulling the wool over our eyes by dishonestly denying the devastating consequences the 2005 hurricane had on 1920s New Orleans. Listen the lyrics are clever and all the things they discuss are real salient social issues but it still drives me nuts that the songs are framed like they’re revealing “lies” being told when half of the movies are taking place in (fantasy versions of!) time periods or locations where the issues they’re discussing didn’t apply, if they’d just framed that one line differently— Okay, okay, I’m finished, I’m done, I’ve got it out of my system

- Every single love song makes me go “are you imagining this song with a ship (and if so which ship) or do you just think Alastor would be into this song?” The question goes double for songs from the 20s/30s, because the odds that they added it to their playlist just because they think Alastor would like the song increases.

- On the other hand, if whoever added “A Formidable Marinade” isn’t a Charlastor shipper I will eat my hat. Also nice work on the gory cannibalism sex song.

- Every once in a while I’ll run into a song that makes me go, now how the heck did you end up on an Alastor playlist? Does this song line up with someone’s very specific headcanons and/or fanfic plot? Do they think Alastor would like this song? Did they happen to like the song and like Alastor at the same time and so they associate them with each other? Examples: “I Got You (I Feel Good)”, “iRobot” (is it the emotionlessness of being post-death?? do they headcanon that he’s got radio hardware replacing his guts?? is it a post-breakup ship song??), “Greensleves”, “Barbra Streisand” (the song, not the singer), “Jolene,” “The Last Steampunk Waltz,” “Seven Nights in Eire,” “Cruel Angel’s Thesis,” and the person who included half a Kidz Bop album, please, I just wanna talk—

- Every time I hear a song that includes the words “hell,” “sinner,” “smile,” or “radio,” I go, “Haha. Nice.”

- An incomplete list of songs that amused me for how on point they are: “Hotel California” (how often do you have a fandom where “Hotel California” is actually very blatantly fitting without having to twist through an extended & convoluted metaphorical interpretation?), “The Hunting Song,” “The Axeman’s Jazz,” and “Time Again”

- I sort of hate whoever put “Circus” by Britney Spears in their playlist and made me realize that lyrically it’s a perfect Alastor song because it is.

- *scrolls past six versions of “I’m Always Chasing Rainbows”* Haha. Nice.

- *scrolls past five versions of “It Don’t Mean A Thing (If It Ain’t Got That Swing)”* Haha. Nice.

- *scrolls past a song from Bambi* Haha. Nice.

- *scrolls past five versions of “You’re Never Fully Dressed Without A Smile”* Haha. Nice.

- *scrolls past eleven versions of “Sing Sing Sing”* Haha. Nice.

- What’s with those of y’all putting steampunk songs in Alastor playlists? Listen, listen: steampunk vibes are for Sir Pentious. Swing vibes are for Alastor. Don’t cross the streams. Take your steampunk songs and make Sir Pentious playlists with them. He could use more playlists.

- The playlist includes 39 songs that include “smile” somewhere in the title.

[dawggcs]

all american twilight rejects

pippa, member @ the red council:

usually chill but going through a rebellious phase (probably a mid life crisis but being immortal u know)

she’s turned by kamala centuries ago bc she was about to die after being beaten to near death yikes

very calm and peaceful, also very curious about everything

kinda snobbish so she likes keeping traditions and whatever

tends to coddle everyone in the clan and it 10/10 makes them sick but they all secretly love it (just bc i said so aight u can fite me on this)

she’s not too social outside her clan, doesn’t trust other vamps and prefers to stay quiet if they ever have any visitors

hayoung, member @ clan 3:

a youngster, she’s just recently come out of her immortality depression after seeing his late husband die probably lmfao

she’s one of those that got turned against her wishes and was bitter about it. she focused on watching over her family to avoid thinking about it and now has to deal with it, albeit slowly. she probably avoids the topic by watching her children now that her former husband died.

after her ‘awakening’ she didn’t try to get in contact with her human family. she saw them mourn her enough and kept a safe distance.

she’s a lil scaredy cat so she just follows whatever orders ppl give her lmao

tries to cling to her humanity somewhat, she’s one of the vamps that avoids feedings and stretches them out as much as she can.

she’s got a thing for crystal work so her house is probably filled with it :/

jaehwa, member @ clan 3:

he actually asked to be turned. his family has a history of it and he’s one of the oldest, most influential members in it.

used to be ruthless and messy during his first 200 yrs but then he collected himself lmao

he keeps tabs on his family line, constantly checking in on ppl. he turns a few people on his bloodline, though not many. junseo (he refers to her by that name only) included.

he’s also big on tradition but is trying real hard at updating himself with the times

he used to be a notorious leader in his family’s clan but decided to take a break. he’s now enjoying life as a member in a different clan instead of being the one in charge.

he still advises the newer leaders of his family clan, though. keeps scrutiny on who wanna turn there after he had to disposed of 60 or so members after a riot a decade ago.

atticus, member @ clan 3:

not that old. he was an experiment of sorts since a young vamp wanted to see if he could build an army and started turning ppl at random. atticus was among them.

however, this bitch just straight up turned his back and searched for other vamps that vibed with him more, didn’t care about being turned either.

as a human he was struggling to make ends meet and didn’t have a family of his own, instead staying with his parents. in a way, being turned felt like a huge weight was off his shoulders.

he’s really just trying to survive, has probably contemplated how he could die but doesn’t actively pursuing that. it’s an idea he toys with in case he ever gets tired of ‘living’.

aggressive, he just kinda likes fighting and is good at it. he’s a brute force kind of guy who has been learning about tactics and strategy now.

the thing he misses the most about being human is eating. he’s particularly wistful whenever he sees plums (unless these vamps can eat in which case i’ll take this off lmao).

yer a wizard

lester, member @ the pentacle:

comes from a respected fam of witches but he lowkey a mess. his family is well versed within dark magic and they keep high standards as to what a member ought to be like. in a way, he’s the shamed kid in his family tree.

honestly he’s terrible at incantations and spells, but is an a+ summoner. very few people know this, however, as he’s tried to keep it hushed as his own little vengeance against his family.

the neighbourhood guy tbfh, friendly and chatty with everyone he crosses paths with

he’s book smarts, if anyone ever needs to know about any spells, potions, ingredients, whatever --- they consult with him. the witchcraft walking encyclopedia for any questions or research. if he doesn’t know the answer himself, he always knows where to search for it.

he likes cats, has 2 and they’re his life.

ritual sacrifice though no one except his sisters know. he’s somewhere among the living and death, which is the reason he’s so good at summonings. 

lulu, member @ the pentacle:

older identical twin of lola, their parents have a thing with names with ‘l’ bc they supposedly bring good luck to the family.

she’s really embarrassed of lester all the time.

the twins share a close bond and are usually seen together, they’re talented and help upheld the fam reputation lmfao

lulu specializes in potions and projections.

she’s the kinder twin, more polite. she’s also the one who likes to think things through.

has a thing for anything with turtles in it and owns about 5 tortoises that all roam wild in the house.

though she doesn’t have anything against other species, she doesn’t go out of her way to mingle with them. in a way, she’s the one who keeps up with the family’s snobbish ways of considering witches a scale above the rest.

lola, member @ the pentacle:

younger identical twin of lulu.

she actually enjoys spending time with his brother. he kinda teaches her how to be more patient and less confrontational.

her speciality are curses lmfao and talismans

she’s a risk taker, gets in trouble all the time, though doesn’t typically face any repercussions bc she’s that good. it also helps that her sis and her bro help her out always asldjfadsf

she loves iguanas, has 3 and they all roam around with lulu’s tortoise lmfao

she loves milkshakes, 15/10 times you’ll see her stopping by to get one.

she loves, loves hanging out with other species. the more diversity, the more trouble there can be.

sasha, member @ the coven of the moon:

athena’s older sis. they’re the first two people to show signs of magic in their family after a looooong time. they’re kinda exploring and rolling with it.

the sisters decide to join different covens in their search for answers and guidance. they share information constantly.

she’s decent at any topic, doesn’t really stand out in any as she has a avarage control over them all. (will develop an affinity for light magic and healing in particular, aided by water).

she loves singing, probably does it all the time and people are sick of her bc of it

loves to have fun, will definitely jump at any given opportunity to spice things up

kinda mischievous, though she tries to keep in mind the rules so as not to cross them

puppies (liza, 2020)

amaia, member @ the boldclaw pack:

older sister to kiseon, she baby that kid always and it probably embarrasses him

she’s right hand and tends to be more patient than other ‘alphas’. if anything rub her the wrong way though, she gonna snap in no time

really, she just wants everyone to feel safe like that’s her main goal in life

used to be very weak and sickly as a child so when she matured ppl were surprised, esp when she started making her way onto the higher ranks in the pack

although pack life consumes most of her energy, amaia tries hard to figure how to keep up a life outside of it. she’s the one who encourages people to try out different things and paths.

arthur, member @ clan 6:

loves working out, spends a lot of time with his bro bc of it. they have a thing against shirts, aimee and i already established this for everyone’s benefit bYE

he’s actually very touchy, so he’s always finding ways to be in physical contact with people

he a lil dumb but it ok bc he has a good heart. u know what, i really want u all to think seth clearwater when u see this man lmfao

he likes betting, probs always plays for dumb things like who’s going to get yelled at first or whatever

he likes exploring on his own, probably spends a lot of time outside because of it. it sometimes gives his pack a headache, though he’s always there when they need him to.

zane, member @ clan 6:

appearances fooling ppl bc he out there looking like he gonna be in charge but really zane the biggest softie out there lmao

he’s the one trying to avoid conflict and looking at alternatives for solutions

shy and quiet, he just keep silent to let things unfold as they should

despite hating physical altercation, he still keeps up training so as to not be dead weight. he’s good at it and even teaches the younger members.

he’d 10/10 die for anyone he cared about, stupid loyal puppy

he used to keep away from anything related to his species. possibly avoided any type of relationship in that regard bc he really wanted to be normal. when he found out that there’s a whole world of species out there, he started working on coming to terms with. at times he still struggles and wishes he could live independently but he also knows that he likes being in a group.

chonglin, member @ the boldclaw pack:

unlike his meme-y name LMAO he’s very serious

he’s an action kinda guy, though. always the first to jump in, albeit a lil recklessly. ppl sometimes have to hold him by the neck or he’ll get into trouble lmao

he finds the notion of a werewolf adopting a dog fascinating but has not yet found The One for him. he’s not giving up and is still looking.

he likes clever people and is always reading up on some new topic for more fun conversations

he’s very open to species mingling and enjoys being friendly with others. he’s a lil bit more careful around humans, though around other supernaturals he’s v. chill and doesn’t hide his nature ja feel

[aion-rsa]

Free Guy Review: Ryan Reynolds and Jodie Comer Give Uneven Script Extra Life

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

On paper, Free Guy is a movie about a bank teller named Guy (Ryan Reynolds) who one day realizes that he’s actually a non-playable character in a popular online video game called Free City. While Guy is mostly interested in using his newfound awareness to win the heart of the Free City player he’s fallen in love with (Millie, a.k.a. Jodie Comer’s “Molotov Girl”), he soon finds himself in the middle of a game development conspiracy that could ultimately lead to Free City’s shutdown and the end of his world.

In reality, however, Free Guy is a movie about references. While many of those references are little more than brief nods to popular video games (GTA Online is the most obvious target, though Free Guy finds time to pay homage to Fortnite, Halo, and more), even the film’s basic structure feels like a compilation of various concepts that we’ve seen before. Honestly, one of the best ways to properly describe the movie is to take a page out of its playbook and use references.

Free Guy is basically The Truman Show combined with The Matrix, with just a dash of They Live, Who Framed Roger Rabbit, and Total Recall tossed in for flavor. Like Wreck-it-Ralph and Pixels, it tries to comedically examine popular video game characters, worlds, and tropes, but its closest spiritual companions may just be Ready Player One and Space Jam: A New Legacy. Like in those films, Free Guy sometimes hopes that you’ll find time to entertain yourself by scanning the environment and playing “spot the reference.” Between those Easter egg set pieces, the film often falls back on CGI-heavy action sequences and rapid-fire quips that sometimes feel like the PG-13 versions of Deadpool jokes.

It’s hard to say that Free Guy is too obsessed with references when some of the film’s best moments come in the form of surprise cameos and visual gags that will almost certainly make most theaters audiences howl with laughter (should you happen to see this in a movie theater). I’ll instead say that if you found it hard to get through Ready Player One and Space Jam: A New Legacy‘s brand of pop culture obsession, then there’s a good chance you’ll have the same problem with Free Guy.

But then even if you enjoy most of the movie’s references, you’ll likely find that some elements of the film’s referential sense of humor are… odd. For instance, there’s an early visual gag about product placement in the Free City game, but the rest of the movie is packed with product placement for everything from gaming computers to headphones. There’s also a joke about the futility of creating something original when you can just make a sequel, which feels a little out of place in a movie that may be an “original” but is getting quite a bit of mileage out of pulling material from giant properties. 

Maybe the idea was for these scenes to come across as Wayne’s World-style moments of meta-humor, but given that Free Guy’s product placements and dependence on popular properties are otherwise presented so matter of factly, these brief gags ultimately feel like a futile attempt to smile under the weight of the production machine. 

It also has to be said that Free Guy’s biggest plot holes abuse the privilege many of us are willing to extend to such inconsistencies. There are moments of NCIS-style tech jargon used to justify major plot points that really stand out in a movie that otherwise makes some surprisingly accurate observations about modern gaming. They probably won’t ruin the movie for you, but any time spent rolling your eyes at the idea that these developers wouldn’t instantly recognize that Guy is an NPC in the game they made is time spent missing the latest visual gag. 

The biggest problem with Free Guy’s script though is that it brings up interesting ideas that ultimately don’t get a lot of room to breathe. Writers Matt Lieberman and Zak Penn (the latter of whom worked on Ready Player One) touch on fascinating topics such as the struggles of video game developers, the ego and profit-driven nature of many major game development studios, and how platforms such as Twitch and YouTube can influence the culture of popular games. But the movie is quick to drown those sparks out with a blaring pop soundtrack, candy-colored CGI action sequences, and, in at least one notable instance, unfortunate outdated jokes about basement-dwelling gamers. 

There are too many times when Free Guy fails to explore the potential of its unique premise. This was clearly never meant to be a complicated examination of the nature of existence or even a deep dive into the most controversial aspects of video game culture, but it’s hard not to look down on the movie’s most generic moments when it regularly brings up more interesting ideas and then quickly casts them aside.

What’s really amazing, though, is that Free Guy’s biggest problems do little to diminish the appeal of its two greatest qualities: its commitment to absurdity and surprising warmth.

It starts with the cast. Reynolds is hardly an “everyman,” but the way he makes even the most absurd jokes work certainly comes in handy here. Comer’s comedic timing and ability to add surprising emotional weight to otherwise throwaway lines also remind us that she’s still in the early days of what will surely be a great career. Elsewhere, Lil Rel Howery, Joe Kerry, and Utkarsh Ambudkar lead the film’s fitting cast of supporting players.

This show is clearly stolen, however, by the brilliant Taika Waititi. There’s something to be said for actors in movies who recognize what the tone is around them and decide to go completely over-the-top with their performances, which describes Waititi’s performance to a tee.

Free Guy’s cast is clearly having such a good time with every ridiculous line, strange scene, and surprising little moment that it’s almost impossible to not get caught up in their enthusiasm and find a way to have a good time. 

So far as that goes, it certainly doesn’t hurt that Free Guy sometimes reaches Ted Lasso levels of positivity and genuineness. Whether you’re a fan of gaming or not, it’s hard not to root for Guy as he essentially tries to, in the words of Bo Burnham, obey all the traffic laws in Grand Theft Auto 5 in order to grow as a person and in-game character. Guy’s ability to appreciate the little things in his world isn’t just a human message but a particularly clever observation about how NPCs may be uniquely able to appreciate the work that goes into video game world-building that we sometimes don’t take the time to appreciate because it’s located off the more obvious paths.  

There’s also something to be said for the Comer and Kerry-led subplot about indie developers struggling to push an original idea in an age of big studio productions. Even if that plot does feel somewhat awkward given the amount of property flexing that’s going on (and ends on a bit of a cheesy note), it’s ultimately a nice little nod to creators who too often don’t get credit for their work. 

Like many of the best video games ever made, Free Guy is meant to be a good time above all else. It’s frustrating that the movie ultimately fails to do more with its cast and premise, but its combination of warm hugs and scenery-chewing eventually find that “dumb fun” sweet spot. At the very least, you may want to find a way to see it sooner or later just so the sheer joy of its best surprise isn’t ruined for you.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

The post Free Guy Review: Ryan Reynolds and Jodie Comer Give Uneven Script Extra Life appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3jo0te9

[evilradmedieval]

Kendrick Lamar - “DAMN.” Review

I’m gonna be that guy and say that I’ve been listening to Kung-Fu Kenny for a hot minute, now. He’s been around since the early 2000s, hanging around longtime friends such as Jay Rock and several others who would soon become known as the Black Hippy collective of the then-future TDE label. Dropping Lil Wayne-inspired mixtapes here and there while collaborating with TDE labelmates ScHoolboy Q, Jay Rock and Ab-Soul, he didn’t quite come into artistic fruition until his release of his debut EP, The Kendrick Lamar EP in 2009. Lyrically and instrumentally raw, the EP was packed with both anthemic and lowkey cuts, and showcased a fairly young Kendrick rapping about more common hip-hop themes such as relationships and coming up in the rap game. He then continued this onto his major fifth mixtape Overly Dedicated, an album with more lush production and a more central over-arching theme of “gangster-realism”, while also including more sensual tracks as well. He included bigger-named features, most notably a young Jhene Aiko, LA-native Dom Kennedy and underground legend MURS. However, it wasn’t until 2011 when K.Dot made major waves on the internet with his major debut mixtape Section.80. Fully honing his lyrical skill over more illustrious and well-sampled production, I was simply blown away. He truly embraced his more nasally delivery, however his technical skill was ridiculous. Lyrically he stood out over cuts such as “HiiiPoWer” and the ridiculous “Rigamortis”. There are bangers here and there as well, yet also had its fair share of more laidback, drugged-out cuts. However, topically he seems to go deeper and darker, referencing themes of racism in the system and medicinal tolerance. One can also make the claim of calling this a concept album, as he explores the stories of women who are going through hardship such as abandonment and the circumstances facing teen pregnancy. At this point, King Kendrick has really caught my attention, whist also being deemed “worthy” of carrying the torch for the west coast by Snoop Dogg, Dr. Dre and The Game. Then he drops a song called “Swimming Pools”, a song that seemingly sounds like another drinking anthem, but is genius in the sense that it talks about alcoholism in a different perspective. Little did I know that this banger of a track came through in a bigger context within an album, as the 2012 release of good kid, M.A.A.D. city proved to be the epitome of the modern hip-hop storytelling album. Here, we follow the narrative of a young Kendrick Lamar, growing up in a very dangerous environment of South Central LA. Gang violence, racial profiling and even the dreary recollections of a woman really put us in his point of view, while flawlessly making every song act as one chapter of his life. However, each song acts as a great stand-alone track as itself, as bangers like “Backseat Freestyle” and “m.a.a.d. city” are one of the hardest beats I’ve heard Kendrick rap on to date. After a bit of a 3-year hiatus, we find ourselves with probably one of the most socially conscious albums, let alone hip-hop albums, that I’ve ever heard. To Pimp a Butterfly was packed with so many different layers upon layers of instrumentation that pulls from Parliament/ Funkadelic-esque soul-funk rock, gospel, jazz, spoken word, G-funk and boom-bap. Production by artists such as Thundercat, Terrace Martin, Flying Lotus, Knxwledge, Boi-1da and TDE affiliate Sounwave. yet, with all these genre-bending instrumentals, we get an album that comments on today’s current African American culture, racial inequalities, institutionalized discrimination and depression. The album honestly is hard to digest track by track, but once you dig deeper within the narrative of the LP as one cohesive project, it becomes apparent how well-crafted and thought-out this project was. I understand that a lot of people did not like this album due to this experimental and avant-garde approach, but what many of those people don’t understand is the scope of the album and magnitude of its message is. The instrumentation is beautiful, and the more aggressive “The Blacker the Berry” hits harder the more I listen to it. It was honestly perfect in my eyes, and I cannot see how Kendrick would ever be able to top this masterpiece.

But then again, I thought about it and realized that each album he’s ever released came with completely different narratives and themes. In a way, he reinvents himself every album in order to fulfill each respective albums’ content. good kid, m.a.a.d. city was an on-going narrative on his life growing up in Compton through several perspectives. To Pimp a Butterfly was an encompassing. cohesive work that gave us more insight with different perspectives on the current state of African American culture and racism in America. The theme on DAMN.? It’s a little... disjointed compared to his previous works. Not saying that’s a bad thing, it’s just something he hasn’t necessarily done on his past projects. In comparison to his last album (not including his unmastered. untitled. compilation), this album sonically sounds way more accessible and would appeal to more types of people across the board due to its more poppy, trappy-flavored and skeletal instrumentals. The features? U2 and Rihanna, along with a random feature from a Jeremih-esque singer and Kid Capri adlibs sprinkled throughout. There are random gunshots and reversals of tracks, giving me allusions of death and then resurrection? In addition to so much talk about death, we get a very wishy-washy Kendrick going off about various topics here and there, hence the slight incohesiveness, which isn’t necessarily bad. But here on this album, I can be the cause for some slight blunders and conflicting points of view which can be interpreted either way as intentional or not. The songs titles are also pretty vague and bold topics to be addressing topically, with tracks such as “GOD.”, “LOVE.” and “LOYALTY.” Of course, you can’t entirely break down such topics within a couples minutes on a conventional rap album, but it still was interesting the way he decided to proceed with what songs topically to include. 

The intro "BLOOD.” is interesting in the sense that it begins with Kendrick telling the story of encountering an old woman who seems to have lost something. The elderly woman then proceeds to shoot him with a gun, which then sents him into a strange spiraling out of reality which conveniently careens you towards the start of “DNA.” Probably one the hardest tracks on the entire project, we get a banger of a trap-flavored anthem about Kendrick lashing out against his haters and critics. Here, he explores aspects of black history and African American culture, topics in which are deeply rooted in his lyrics. The track also features a sample of the dialogue of Fox News commentator Geraldo Rivera. Being criticized for his lyrics that openly disapprove of law enforcement, he lyrically roasts Rivera claiming how he was preaching hope and not adversity. I especially love how towards the middle-section of the track, the album decides to come through with the heaviest of bass that I’ve ever heard from a Kendrick Lamar song, which really reinforces his constant bar after bars regarding African royalty, a common tenet of Afrocentricism. “DNA.” is heavy song with fantastic delivery and lyrics all-around.

The next track in “YAH.” delivers a very stripped back and repetitive instrumental. Supposedly being referenced to God’s name in “Yahweh”, the song has very deep religious undertones. The hook showcases a very slurred delivery, similar to a “buzzing noise” whenever he repeats the song title, announcing his awareness of everything that’s happening around him.  With it, he continues on his tirade on Fox News, how he is labeled another generic rapper that detriments society due to the content of his music. he then throws Bible verses and allusions left and right, which may need some room for interpretation. A very lowkey and skeletal instrumental with a slurred delivery, the track isn’t one of my favorites but has a definite eeriness to it.

“ELEMENT.” happens to be one of my favorite songs on the album. I’m not sure if there’s a Big Lebowski reference in it, but I love the part of the chorus whenever he says he’ll “make it look sexy.” But essentially the track is a bunch of shit-talking and braggadocio, with clever lines left and right. He also delves into his personal life regarding his family and his upbringing, and how he basically went from the bottom to the top of the game within years. Surprisingly, James Blake had a share in the production, assisted by TDE’s Sounwave. The track is atmospheric and skeletal, yet upbeat and still hits hard with Kendrick’s unrelenting delivery. Definitely a noteworthy cut from the album.

From the heavy-hitting flows of “ELEMENT.”, we transition into a more depressing and lowkey cut off the LP which actually sounds like something I’d find Kanye singing on. Here, we get a very confused and depressed Kendrick, rapping about deception and abandonment. It’s quite apparent that beneath all that success and fame, there’s underlying feelings of toxicity that ultimately lead to suffering. Probably one of the more negative-sounding cuts off the tracklisting, he’s seen to definitely struggle emotionally and interpersonally. This is something we don’t normal get from him, which was interesting to see. 

It’s kind of crazy to think that the next track “LOYALTY.” was a flip of Bruno Mars’ “24K Magic”, reversing and slowing the hook of the track. A very poppy yet G-funk-inspired instrumental, pop icon Rihanna comes through with minimal backing vocals, but was able to contribute a pretty decent rap verse herself. The song is pretty straighforward, regarding loyalty in both platonic and romantic relationships. I thought the song was just run-of-the-mill for me, as he doesn’t too philosophically deep into the tracklisting, but the track still sounds great as a stand-alone single for the radio.

Next up, we get this constantly changing vocal inflection of a delivery on “PRIDE.” With help from The Internet’s Steve Lacy, we get these really melodic garage rock riffs, along with this thumping and groovy tempo. He also contributes to the hook, which has these really dreary and high-pitched harmonizing vocals by Anna Wise.  Here, we get more religious allusions, in which Kendrick delves more into his position in the rap game and how his recognition causes tensions between his own ideals and actions. Despite the sound being really lowkey and melodic, this track actually contrasts itself with the ever-sarcastic follow-up in “HUMBLE.” Taking a huge U-turn and doing the exact opposite of being modest, Kendrick drops bar after bar of obnoxious braggadocio , and urging his contemporaries (*coughs* Big Sean *coughs*) to “sit down” and “be humble”. Working into the context of the album, it doesn’t really add more meaning than it did initially as a single, but contrasts humorously with the previous track in the sense that each song evokes emotions the opposite of the established topic. 

Sexual intimacy and... well lust are dominating topics on the track “LUST.” He discusses not just sexual drive, but also things that we strive for that are for self-indulgence. Money, drugs, and fame are a couple things, hence the refrain for “water” to quench his thirst for such things. Again, the track is stripped back and minimal instrumentally, with his high-pitched vocals dominating the hook, which aren’t necessarily his forte. Not one of my favorites, but still an intriguing track. 

The next track “LOVE.” is absolute garbage. I don’t care for the Jeremih-esque vocals by Zacari, and the really annoying refrain by Kendrick with the “I wanna be with you!” just kills me every time. The only thing I like about the song is Kendrick’s flow, but again despite this, he comes through with underwhelming lyrics and a really lazy R&B-tinged inflection in his voice, similar to Drake’s rap-singing. The track is ethereal, atmospheric and really skeletal with looming synths in the background. Additionally, the track doesn’t elaborate much upon such a generically topical song.

“XXX.” came through with a U2 feature that actually went over well better than I expected, as I’m not a fan of Bono’s work other than Joshua Tree. I love how the track has these three segments where the beginning starts off with K.Dot delivering this sort of monotone flow over a skeletal trap-flavored instrumental, which then climaxes around the middle-section of the track where the heavy sub-bass kicks in that is accompanied by these blaring sirens that really fit well into the beat. The track then abruptly settles down into a momentary lull, in which Bono delivers some decent vocals. Kendrick then follows the hook with more bars about the current state of the United States, including gang violence, the recent Trump election and the hypocrisy of our nations leaders. 

“FEAR.” appears on the tracklisting as one of the longer tracks, sitting at a whopping 7 minutes. Here, there is an obvious allusion to the biblical scriptures, which heavily draws from the story of Job. Kendrick gives us a very paranoid point of view of being fearful of all the bad things that are happening to him and everyone around him, beckoning towards the mercy of God. This is the first time I’ve seen Kendrick act so unsure of himself and really draw from more religious themes in any part of his discography. There are vocal samples throughout, alluding to how the African Americans are the Israelites of the country. In my personal opinion, this is an interesting take, however I can see how it can draw away some fans from this album. The religious undertones are more apparent than you think, however this track really takes the cake in regards to directly addressing Kendrick’s suffering due to God’s will. Sonically the track sounds great, but the content of why Kendrick is so heavily in constant sorrow can be unsettling.

“GOD.” happens to be one of my least favorite tracks, in which he pulls from the trend of rappers who need to sing their own hooks on their tracks. He does okay for a majority of the singing until he attempts to croon then throws in these Kanye-inspired vocal snippets that sound Autotuned and strangely altered for the sake of sounding like Kanye. The track has a pretty generic trap-flavored, atmospheric instrumental. The track has a decent pair of verses in which he alludes to how rappers view themselves in very god-like figures. But the singing really kills it for me.

“DUCKWORTH.” closes out DAMN. with one hell of a standout. We have this soulful ballad sample in the beginning which then drops you into a beautifully-sampled vocal loop over these boom-bap drums. 9th Wonder does a fantastic job on the boards, giving a very jazzy and soul-inspired hip-hop beat, an aesthetic I wish Kendrick tried to opt towards more on this LP. The track has a couple beat-change-ups, which really make Kendrick’s bars pop even more with every transition with each topic. The track is simply a recollection of when his father almost got killed accidentally by a future musical contributor in his life, TDE founder Anthony “Top Dawg” Tiffith. The track then ends with another gun shot, which then reverses the track into the entire tracklisting and then drops us off back into the intro to the LP like some sort of freak time-machine accident, where we meet the same old woman Kendrick encounters in the beginning. 

It was honestly a huge challenge breaking down every aspect of this album. The more and more I listen to it, I get more and more addicted to trying to interpret every single moment. The gunshots, the track rewinds, the simplistic instrumentals, the constant biblical allusions... everything just seems to make this album more intricate than it actually sounds on first listen. DAMN. gives us a Kendrick we haven’t seen before: vulnerable, depressed, and yearning for forgiveness and mercy from a benevolent God. The song titles are extremely conceptual, yet most of the tracks don’t completely make a sufficient comment or complete central theme honed in upon the said title. “LOVE.” for example, gave very little in what it had to do with topically, yet songs like “PRIDE.” and “HUMBLE.” were clever in the way that their assumed meaning sarcastically flipped sonically upon each other with the former being more lowkey while the latter being more obnoxious. Kendrick delivers, however, a collective of tracks with one of his best rap flows yet, despite some vocal blunders on several tracks. The instrumentals were a little too dumbed down and accessible for my taste, as the lush and heavily sampled live instruments and influences spanning various genres on To Pimp a Butterfly really gave me a sense of maximalism in regards to instrumentation. This album has a more straight-forward sound, yet has very hard-to-interpret moments that keep many listeners still scratching their heads. Additionally, with the rumors of follow-up album NATION. being an upcoming release, DAMN. makes me also yearn for more material to satisfy all the questions that have arisen from listening. Not the best in Kendrick Lamar’s discography, but that doesn’t really anything wholly negative, as he’s released several of the most influential benchmarks in modern hip-hop today through his previous two albums. 

RATING: 7/10

[deadcactuswalking]

The Beauty of “Doin’ Your Mom” by Ray William Johnson

Love him or hate him, Ray William Johnson is a pioneer of new media. He was one of the most famous YouTubers back in the day in what was about the late 2000s and early 2010s, and was really the first dude to make a true, long-term career on the platform, forming a company just to fund his Equals Three show, which, yes, it’s somewhat unwatchable but it’s vintage YouTube so I give most of it an excuse and play it off as dated comedy from someone who was actually old enough to know better, but it was a different time and I’m actually consistently impressed by Ray and how he continues to pop up everywhere as nostalgia for the early days of YouTube starts to seep into this post-ironic era of Internet culture, as people remember the remnants of the more sincere YouTube, with people like Quinton Reviews, TheGamerFromMars and wavywebsurf making informative videos about the classic YouTube and its viral videos that propel someone into stardom for at least about 15 minutes. Now we’re in the age of a company-fuelled platform that treats its community of content creators as the fries on the side of their order of The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. Do I miss the days of “Chocolate Rain” and when any viral hit could make it through the cracks? Of course I do, but it’s not like that can’t happen and memes can’t spread, look at how Lil Nas X has taken advantage of the memes surrounding “Old Town Road” to build his own career – and it was only a matter of time before massive companies learned how to use the Internet. I’d argue Ray is at fault at least in some capacity for making the transition to a talk show highlights website a tad cooler, though, and it’s not like he wasn’t making himself and his show (As well as his animated “Band” which I’m pretty sure is just him) a brand in itself. Ray overall was a fascinating man and still is, and whilst most of his content isn’t looked upon fondly, he does have a few gems in there, like “Orphan Tears” from the Your Favorite Martian days, one I still jam to every now and then, because it’s catchy and whilst incredibly dated now due to the club beat and Bill Cosby references doesn’t feel like it won’t last the test of time like most other YouTube content that has ever been uploaded, especially its music – including the more recent stuff from people like the Paul brothers, but before “It’s Everyday Bro” there was another iconic comedy hip hop track on YouTube that I’d argue is a much more judicious choice for analysis, and it was by Fatty Spins – often stylised as FAttY SPiNS for the sake of confusion – a hip-hop collective fronted by Ray William Johnson and his friends Micfri (The white dude) and Breeze, a singer and according to this song, guitarist? They released about six known songs and have since been lost in the sands of time, at least for all we know. This is my review of the hip-hop classic, “Doin’ Your Mom”.

SONG REVIEW: “Doin’ Your Mom” – FAttY SPiNS (Ray William Johnson)

This song only has 400,000 views on its music video as we speak and it’s on the official channel for the band (The description states Micfri uploaded it) so I’m perplexed, I thought it was much bigger but I suppose it’s either a late reupload or it was never as viral as I assumed. Anyway, let’s dive deep into “Doin’ Your Mom”.

Doin’ your mom, doin’-doin’ your mom, doin’ your mom, doin-doin’ your mom...

I’m not even going to get into the absolutely insane video that screams early YouTube but it’s pretty cute, it’s just a bunch of adults probably too old to be yelling along to the repeated refrain of “Doin’ your mom” but they’re having fun  with it at least, although Micfri makes no effort to actually lip-sync. My favourite shots in the video include of course the iconic intro where they walk on the street with a boombox like they just walked away from an explosion and the acapella version of the hook plays in the background like it was the most grandiose chorus in the history of music, but also honestly any shot where Ray is making a face, like at about 1:20, the shot with the green-screened purple background while the hook’s playing. I know this is intended to be funny (That’s why I didn’t do this for April Fools as I was going to; it felt too contrived) but there are parts in the video that seem so natural and like they thought the song was so much better than it is, and it’s almost more humorous than the song itself. Let’s briefly cover the instrumental while we’re here – it’s nothing all too special but it’s a fitting backing for the epic feel the song has, with the reverb and echo on Ray’s voice as he sprays over an odd yet VERY late-2000s fusion of rock and hip-hop, as there are some GarageBand-sounding guitars and a buzzing synth that help propel the intense strings that almost carry the song, with additional little tweaks like the twinkling synths adding a lot of punch but not making it too cluttered. Honestly, there are some parts of the song that seem like genuinely great musical ideas that may seem kind of wasted on this topic, like the screeching guitar solo or when the beat cuts out in the middle of each verse just to return with the guitar added and an additional synth melody, with both Ray and Micfri’s verses reflecting this change in a shift of their flow. I should probably add that Ray is actually a pretty good rapper for a YouTube personality, and his voice is suited for tracks like this (Yeah, somehow the chorus never gets old despite being repeated ad nauseum). As one of the comments said on the band’s Equals Three Wiki page (Yes, that exists and its comment section is hilariously absurd), he kind of sounds like he could voice Knuckles the Echidna.  That’s enough rambling about how oddly appealing this song is sonically and let’s get straight to the meat and potatoes.

COOL TRANSiTiON

The last line of the hook has always puzzled me.

You know we straight, we doin’ your mom!

“Yes, I had to confirm I am in fact heterosexual by engaging in intercourse with your mother”. I know “Straight” is part of hip-hop slang and refers to people who don’t engage in criminal or dangerous activity like gang violence...

Yeah, we straight but if you wrinkle up the situation, he will go grab the iron – Tyler, the Creator on “OKRA”

..But did we really need reassurance from Ray William Johnson that he and his friend Micfri aren’t shooting people? – Oh, and what does this have to do with doin’ my mom? I shouldn’t worry, the verses go into fascinating detail about how Ray and Micfri met my mother as they trade bars recalling the event.

I’m doin’ your mom, yes, yours! / I first saw her in the Wal-Mart picking out your drawers

Micfri’s first verse is probably the most normal verse here, and doesn’t really have anything I can make all too much fun of other than an awful pun, until it ends because the last line is... well...

Five minutes later, she agreed to get with me / So we went and rocked the minivan like, “Giggity, giggity, giggity”

Micfri goes painfully offbeat just to shove his awkward Family Guy reference in there because I guess it still was 2010 and the show was still relevant, although I’d argue it has more of a place on YouTube now that those funny moments compilations are piling up way more views than they should. That’s all fine, right? Like there’s nothing in this verse that is too interesting, but that dreadful joke transitions pretty hilariously into when Ray comes in...

I was ridin’ your mom like she’s Mario Kart / I gave her a lift back to her crib ‘cause her car wouldn’t start

Yeah, okay, he stretches out some sentences and mumbles a few lines so they barely fit the meter but it works in such a janky manner because the rest of the song is an absolute mess anyway so if anything Ray is just making it work, because, mmm, he just gets it. I love he pronounces words here as well, it’s odd as hell, especially when he accentuates “Car” with a high-pitched and slightly Canadian accent?

How many times I tap that ass? OVER 9000!

Oh, my God, I forgot about this part. This is obviously a reference to the ancient Dragon Ball Z meme where Vegeta says Goku’s power level is at “over 9000” in the 4Kids dub and it was probably funny then, but with the gang vocals and his enthusiastic delivery, it’s even funnier now with nearly a decade of hindsight. There are some jokes that legitimately hold up though, mostly because they’re not incredibly dated and instead rely on Ray’s wit.

Yeah, she called me Pledge ‘cause I knocked the dust off her

Come on, that’s actually pretty clever, I suppose. Ray’s still a comedian after all despite all the memery so he has some clever jabs throughout his verses at least, especially the second verse, which is... even more interesting.

I like your momma’s big butt, and I cannot lie

That’s a cool reference that doesn’t feel forced because it fits in with the song. Nice, we’re seeing some improvement.

We make sexy time, yes? And every night I tap that / She saw me butt-naked, now she thinks I’m half-black

Wh... What? I thought Ray WAS half-black? Is that the joke? I don’t know, I mean seemingly it’s saying how black men are stereotyped to be packing under there but HALF-black? Aren’t you underselling yourself a bit there, Ray? Also, he’s already half-black, or at least mixed. I mean, he’s said the N-word once or twice before on Equals Three so I assumed he had to have some sort of privileges. Is he just that insanely tanned? This is probably the second most questionable punchline in the song, we’ll get to the worst one in a bit.

And I blame it on the al-al-alcohol

Wow, this song really IS dated, huh?

She likes the donkey punch, she likes the dirty Sanchez / Sometimes, she even likes to fool around in YOUR bed

Okay, that is epic, and by that I mean it’s the only bar in this track that feels like it was a good diss directed towards the listener, because most of this song goes into grim detail about the intercourse with said listener’s mother but none of it is as ruthlessly personal as that one.

And I’ll be honest, she likes me to Chris Brown her when she acts like Rihanna

Oh... Oh... That’s, uh, that’s a big yikes from me, Ray, Jesus, okay, well, this was topical in 2010 but I’m still not going to excuse this. I don’t mind using Chris Brown’s domestic assault case as a punchline against him because he deserves all the vitriol he gets, but relating him leaving Rihanna bruised and bleeding after having her phone smashed and being punched and freaking BITTEN to having rough sex with the listener’s mother is insanely insensitive, and how the drum pattern cuts out for Ray to say the last part, especially with the reverb on his voice, makes it even more awkward. You’ll be glad to know, however, that Micfri immediately justifies that horribly problematic bar with easily the best on the track.

She’s so therapeutic when I need to cure my restlessness / I (Brrrrrr) motorboat your mom’s breastesses

I don’t know if it’s the “Brrrr” or the “breastesses” but this line is hilarious to me, and I have mostly no idea why it’s such a good one. Anyway, the verses are finished now, so you expect us to have just a few repeats of the chorus until the song ends, right? But no. We have a bridge, and it’s the gorgeous climax of the song (No pun intended) that honestly may just be the best part, other than the comments on its Wiki page, but we’ll get to that. Breeze croons the bridge in cheap Auto-Tune, and the amount of vocal effects that are added unnecessarily to accentuate the oddly profound lyrics here, that are said only twice but are so essential to why the song has aged much better than it seems to have on the surface.

I’m havin’ sex with your mother and that makes me (Better, better) better than you

There’s something I can’t describe about this bridge and the subsequent guitar solo that makes it work so effectively, and I’m left speechless by it every time. The best part is I’m not joking for the most part, and this song, despite its mind-numbing chorus and incredibly dated and at some times shockingly offensive lyrics, it’s aged incredibly well because it knows it will not be taken seriously and is entirely self-aware, but in a way that doesn’t seep into the song’s content. Most memes these days are TOO self-aware, so when a legitimate, genuine meme comes along that embraces it instead of revelling in it, I’m fully supportive.

You was at the club / Bottoms up when I first met you – The Boyboy Westcoast on “Bottoms Up”

Boyboy embraces the meme and he has a very lighthearted perspective and modest attitude on the song that makes his self-awareness less of an aging factor, and it’s the same for Ray, but some of the memes feel self-aware to a fault when they’re all too loud about the sarcastic manner in which they desperately cling onto a self-awareness that may not actually be there, like when the Backpack Kid did that awfully cringeworthy Verified video on Genius about his flossing song. The heart wasn’t there and it felt plastic and manufactured, but it’s all present in Ray, Micfri and Breeze, as they’re all having fun dancing in the video and while they know they’re really stupid and they look like lunatics, they don’t care... and disregarding the comments of the wiki page in which anonymous users respond to in-depth analysis and rankings of the Mario Kart games with “I will end you”, and no, I’m not kidding, that is the beauty of “Doin’ Your Mom”.

You know we straight, we doin’ your mom

deadcactuswalking

Seriously though check out the wiki page for both the song and the band (They’re linked here). The comments are beautifully absurd.

[news-mashable-yahoopartner-blog]

Donald Glover tackles gun violence in powerful video for 'This Is America,' his new single

Donald Glover, in addition to delivering a hilarious round of sketches on Saturday Night Live, whipped out his Childish Gambino hat and performed on the storied show. 

But while all eyes were on the Studio 8H stage, Gambino simultaneously dropped a new single and music video called "This Is America." Since its release, the video has racked up over 2 million views as of publishing this, and it's easy to understand why.

SEE ALSO: Donald Glover gave us the perfect '80s music video during 'Saturday Night Live'

Gambino packs in a whole lot into in "This Is America." It's a major departure from the funk he's given us previously but it works wonderfully in the context of conversations this track sparks. In addition to the musical references (there are adlibs from Billboard-charting artists like 21 Savage, Young Thug, Big Sean, Blocboy JB, and more), the visuals are a nuanced examination of life in America — particularly as a black person in this country. 

It's full of heartbreaking, but realistic, juxtapositions: the way life is carelessly taken vs. the care placed into putting the guns away; the group of young folks hitting popular dance moves vs. the police violence in the background; the reference to the 2015 Charleston mass shooting. All that, and we haven't even broken down the lyrics Gambino is uttering throughout the track. "Don't catch you slipping," he raps, which takes on an even more sinister meaning if you are black in America. 

The video, directed by Glover's constant collaborator Hiro Murai, sparked a range of reactions —including a lot of emotional tweets from folks breaking down what "This Is America" means to them. 

petition for Donald Glover's "This is America" as the new American national anthem rt if you want this

— lil el (@b3arface) May 6, 2018

Donald Glover has become what we wanted Kanye to be in 2018. #ThisISAmerica

— Al Pritchard (@Al_YourPal) May 6, 2018

Glover's "Childish Gambino This is America" just said so much about what's wrong with America without saying barely a word. Donald Glover is brilliant, even if some people are too thick to understand him.

— Brian Krassenstein (@krassenstein) May 6, 2018

Mass shootings, protests, riots, violence against protesters, white supremacists, and overall being more enamored with trivial things like dance fads / talking about drugs & money rather than making an effort to speak out about the realities of our world

— Taylor Berry (@tayruhberreh) May 6, 2018

Placing the guns carefully on red cloths is such a subtle but glaring criticism of the fact that even after such atrocities we still value such deadly weapons over the lives of innocents. @donaldglover #ChildishGambino #ThisIsAmerica #Dontcatchyouslippin pic.twitter.com/9IS0uF9Vly

— Mxchxxl (@xCANNIBEMEx) May 6, 2018

Donald Glover's #ThisIsAmerica is such a cool music video for showing how many split personalities America actually has + how the culture puts blackness in several narrow boxes at the same time.

— Monique Jones (@moniqueblognet) May 6, 2018

Summed up: The American fabric is selling distractions and superficial livelihoods, while in reality avoiding gross systematic issues that we ignore because it’s easier to live a lie than to confront the truth. #ThisIsAmerica Childish Gambino Donald Glover #PoliticsNation pic.twitter.com/rPuu5Ycsc4

— Tony (@ImKnotTheOne) May 6, 2018

This is the first new music from Gambino since he released the widely celebrated album, Awaken, My Love! in 2016 — and according to him, it will be the last. Gambino kicks off a nation-wide "This Is America" Tour this fall, in what's sure to be quite the experience. 

Want more clever culture writing beamed directly to your inbox? Sign up here for the twice-weekly Click Click Click newsletter. It's fun – we promise.

WATCH: Don't freak out, but the new 'Solo' trailer is here

[thatsnotperiod-blog]

HOT DOG after what seems like and may actually be years of waiting I am watching Wolf Hall for free. 

It starts with the Good Stuff, which is to say 1529 when Henry VIII had succumbed to full-fledged Annulment Madness. Some intro text tells us this, and that Henry is sure all delays are Cardinal Wolsey’s fault. 

AND NOW THIS. Early in the morning, six riders are clomping up to York Place in London. Inside, a man I presume is Cromwell is watching the sunrise and lighting lamps. Jonathan Pryce in the role of Cardinal Wolsey prepares himself for a confrontation.

“Wolsey, you’re out!” is the first line uttered on this show. It’s not... as much of a humdinger as maybe they wanted. The guy uttering it is one of Lord Norfolk or Lord Suffolk, and considering that the latter of these two men was played by literally Henry Cavill on The Tudors, these two are disappointing. The point of the scene is that Norf and Suff are eager to bring down their enemy, and Wolsey is gracious, canny, and supported by the clever, loyal Thomas Cromwell. Meanwhile, Suffolk literally is breathing with his mouth open. 

But still the next morning the Yeomen of the Guard (kidding) are there packing up Wolsey’s shit so Mouth-Breathing: 1 Wolsey: 0. They punt off in a ... punt, I guess, and Wolsey is sticking up for King Henry graciously, while his men gripe about how it’s unfair. “Do you think it’s something about the English? They cannot see a great man set up but they have to pull him down?” Well Hilary Mantel certainly thinks so. 

EIGHT YEARS EARLIER. 

Anne Boleyn at a masked ball at the royal palace or whatever, where everybody is dressed as a virtue. This scene feels like a big fuck-you to The Tudors version of the exact same thing, all the women have their hair in bags, nobody’s shoulders are sticking out, there’s no grommets on anybody and the men are appropriately in tights and shoes. Joke’s on this show though, because no matter how smug they are about this costuming the end result is that this scene is full of people dressed like dopes. Also, Anne is dancing with Harry Percy and not Henry VIII. 

Wolsey is chewing out Anne’s dad for this dancing impropriety. He has a solution though: marry her off asap before anyone gossips. Ho hum, life in the past.

Speaking of life in the past, the same people who get worked up about grommets and snoods tend to get extremely worked up about lighting in period television, specifically, there is too much of it. With no ambient light and only so much physical space to put candles in, after the sun set people spent much of their time in extremely dark rooms. This show is really rubbing it in by showing us that Wolsey has only lit about half of the candles at his disposal, presumably because this is a business casual, semi-private meeting with a concerned father about how many boys his daughter hath given smooch to. The result is that the scene is dark though and I have to crank up the light on my laptop.

Cromwell is in the hallway and Thomas Boleyn tosses some Tudor insults (”butcher’s dog!”) at him on the way out, and Wolsey summons Cromwell in. There’s some obvious contrast with how in-charge and intimidating he looks behind his desk, compared to how nervous and flustered and pathetic he looked in the first scene and like, I get it, ok, point made. Wolsey is charmed by Cromwell as a fellow lowly origins success story, Cromwell is clearly looking at Wolsey and thinking that he wants what this guy has. “William Popely tells me I might find a use for you,” says Wolsey. “A man of many talents.” It’s the beginning of a beautiful friendship. 

Cromwell arrives home. Like everything else at night, it’s dark as h e l l. His wife hands him a dog that I can’t even squint out in the goddamned candlelight, and they share a sweet moment where Cromwell says he’s hitching his wagon to Wolsey’s. She’s a little skeptical of his obvious excitement, he’s understanding and keeps scritching at the lil dog. They like each other. Cute!

Morning. Cromwell reads a letter from his son and helps his daughters with their breakfast homework (or whatever). He gets a package in the mail. It’s a Contraband English Bible for Sneaky Protestants, Illegal Edition. He gives it a soft sell to his wife, who blows him off, so he opens a regular ol Latin Bible for his youngest daughter, Grace. She traces the illuminations of angels and peacocks, an action that given the Tudor importance of symbology is in no way foreboding.

Cromwell kisses everybody within reach and runs off for his first day of work. Everybody on the way in has shit to say about his Humble Origins. Crom shows Wolsey a card trick. Wolsey explains that he just heard some Divorce Murmuring from King Henry. 

Wolsey remembers when Queen Catherine came over from Spain to marry Henry’s dead brother Arthur. The dialogue (just like in The Tudors) interacts interestingly with the ~source material. Like here Wolsey remembers how “[Catherine’s] red hair slid over her shoulder” when he first saw her. In the real world, a herald recording Catherine’s arrival in London described “her hair hanging down about her shoulders, which is fair auburn,” like it’s not a direct quote but it’s funny to think of everybody in Tudor times sitting there thinking the same thing: shit her hair’s down.  

They talk a little bit about how Catherine is taking the whole annulment thing (not well, and specifically she’s mad at Wolsey). Wolsey jokes that maybe the two of them will have to do card tricks for cash very soon. 

Throughout pretty much every one of his scenes, Cromwell is dropping little references to all the badass/regular crazy stuff he did in his Mysterious Wastrel Past and like, I can hear Hilary Mantel breathing heavily from here. Cromwell is an interesting person, but the way he can’t shut up in this show about the wild & crazy shit he got up to, especially in Italy, is like 2 much. "Once, in Italy, I held a snake for a bet,” he says, and everyone is like WHOA WHOA WHOA YOU ARE STONE COLD CRAZY TELL ANOTHER ONE. What does “held a snake” mean?

Back to 1529. Wolsey & Co are clattering up to Wolsey’s place of exile. Cromwell is shouting at everyone to get their asses in gear making the place hospitable for Wolsey, who looks pretty shitty. Everyone is sluggish and tired and it’s raining and dark, like the whole scene is just maximum depressing. 

Later, Cromwell helps Wolsey into bed. They joke like old friends, but are both clearly freaked out. “This is what they’ve waited for,” says Wolsey. “You should leave me. Gardiner has.” Cromwell takes his hand and is like, “Gardiner would.” Haha fuck that guy.  

Jonathan Pryce’s sad, tearful eyes look up at him. Cromwell grabs a lute player or someone on his way out and asks him to go play for Wolsey: “it might help him rest.” Lute Guy’s name is Mark, so I assume he’s Mark Smeaton. In this show, he’s a dick, because the next morning Cromwell walks in on him predicting Wolsey’s downfall and death, and claiming that he’s getting sent to “the Lady Anne” so 100% confirmed for Smeaton.

Next scene, Cromwell at a dinner party with Antonio Bonvisi, a merchant and frequent More correspondent. The scene is like literally pitch black. I can’t see shit. The whole room gets quiet when Cromwell arrives, and he zeroes in on Sir Thomas More, telling him to continue with whatever smack he was talking about Wolsey. Bonvisi is like, a little annoyed with everyone trying to start shit, and introduces the new Spanish ambassador, Eustace Chapuys. Chapuys leans over to More and starts bad-mouthing Cromwell, but Cromwell makes it awkward by calling him out. More says Wolsey is greedy. Cromwell says More is greedy and also a hypocrite. Bonvisi is like “.......how is everybody’s herring.”

On the way out, Bonvisi dishes out some friendly advice about Wolsey: “Leave him now.” 

Cut to the past, but less, “eighteen months before Wolsey’s fall,” the Holy Roman Empire is rampaging everywhere and has taken the pope prisoner. 

Wolsey is pumped because he has a plan: while the pope is not home he’ll convene all the cardinals in France and, in the course of being the interim government of the Catholic Church, slap a quick annulment on Henry. They talk a little bit about Anne Boleyn. Wolsey glibly Underestimates Her. His downfall has begun!

Home. Crom’s wife urges him to visit his father. His youngest daughter wanders in, wearing angel wings made out of peacock feathers. Just like the pictures she was looking at in that bible a bunch of scenes ago! The peacock, of course, is a common symbol of immortality but I’m sure this is not foreboding. Bedtime. Grace knocks on the door, claiming that she’s too warm. She’s still wearing her peacock angel wings. Crom sends her off, watching her wander down the hallway in her angel wings, you know, normal non-foreboding stuff. 

A scary part: Cromwell is off to work, chatting with his wife who’s still in bed. He takes off down the stairs, and then catches a glimpse of her on the landing. He turns around to tell her to go back to bed, but she’s.... not there. He looks everywhere, freaked out. It’s worth noting that he gallumphed and creaked down his old-ass stairs, and she didn’t make a sound.

He heads off anyway, to a quick Secret Protestant meeting where he warns everybody about Thomas More.

Then he heads home. It’s still light. His servants meet him at the door; his wife is dead. Cromwell sits tearfully on her bed. Someone rushes in to tell them that his daughters are dying too, and then they kind of...do. After that it’s still just the middle of the day so Cromwell is stuck looking at his garden. 

New day. Wolsey’s plan for a conclave didn’t work. Wolsey has a new plan: a papal envoy authorized to rule in the pope’s staid. His confidence in the plan seems a little manic; Cromwell is clearly bummed out that his whole family died.

He wanders over to a blacksmith, and has a flashback to his own childhood of having the bejeezus kicked out of him by his father (a blacksmith). And oh shit, it IS his father! He’s still a blacksmith and still mean. Like a real dick. Cromwell had been holding a hammer when he walked up; he puts it down. Cute horse, though. 

Next day he formally adopts his nephew. Apparently he has some other son wandering around somewhere but I assume we’ll get to him later. So, recap of remaining live Cromwells: Cromwell, Richard Cromwell (former nephew), Gregory Cromwell (off-screen), Unnamed Father Cromwell, Unnamed Sister Cromwell. 

And now for the legatine court! Queen Catherine testifies, and since it’s like, a matter of historical record every Queen Catherine in all of television (as well as the Shakespeare play) says the same words, “I was a true maid, without touch of man, and whether this is true or no, I put to your conscience.” 

King Henry blinks. Then they do the rest of the stuff, some crusty old guy tells the “last night I was in Spain” story, the crowd is weird, Cromwell looks grossed out. In the hallway, the Iron Bank of Braavos guy delivers news that the Pope has signed a treaty with the Holy Roman Empire so Wolsey is complete toast.

1529 again. Wolsey totters around in his garden looking pathetic. Cromwell off to visit Anne Boleyn. Mark Smeaton is there, and he’s still a dick. He’s not even playing his lute, just standing around like a dud. 

Anne is yelling at a curly little pup who runs to greet Cromwell. He scoops it up. She tries to snob him and he just stares back. She calls him “Cremuel” for like, reasons of her own. He argues that Wolsey is the only person who can get Henry an annulment. She thinks about it and decides she still hates Wolsey. Her sister, Mary, catches Cromwell on the way out and they talk a little good-natured shit about Anne. In fact all of her ladies are giving him sympathetic looks. He determines that things are grim for Wolsey, and that he needs to do more to speak up for him. 

He goes to talk with Norfolk, who tells him his chances of getting back in Parliament are not great, and talks more about Cromwell’s Humble Origins like, we get it. They have one of those weird, friendly conversations about how they don’t like each other that only men over the age of 40 in period television can have. It’s like they’re too genre-savvy to cooperate, the scoundrels!

Audience with Henry time! Henry’s still mad that Crom voted against war with France, and wants to yell about that. So he does! They talk a little bit about war with France and under what circumstances it could be a little cheaper. Then Henry’s like, “Master Cromwell, your reputation is bad,” and Cromwell is like shruggo. Henry asks why he won’t defend himself, and Cromwell’s like, “your majesty can form your own opinions” which is just exactly what Henry likes to hear. “I will,” he says. 

Cromwell comes back to Wolsey’s old apartment or whatever at court and has the painting guys paint in his coat of arms brighter. The end! Damn??