#there are many reasons why i like remaining a spectator

[zaczenemiji]

hiii! req for kenji like imagine reader and ken are dating but he hasnt been able to talk to her alot since of raisng emi and ultraman, so after emi is gone what if he treats her to a little picnic date telling her about what happened and how sorry he is for kinda leaving her out in the blue

From LA, with Love

Kenji Sato x Reader

Word Count: 2,656

Genre/Warnings: Long-Distance Relationship

Author's Note: My longest one so far; sometimes I write without brakes 😩

MASTERLIST

"Breaking news from Tokyo: A baseball game at the Tokyo Dome was disrupted tonight by the sudden appearance of a kaiju. Spectators were evacuated, and the city is currently under high alert."

Your heart pounded as the screen switched to footage of the chaos. The camera panned over terrified spectators fleeing the stadium and a massive kaiju rampaging through the city streets.

At the corner of the footage, you spotted familiar landmarks in the background and felt a knot tighten in your stomach. Those looked like the pictures Kenji sent you for updates.

The newscaster continued, "Among the players was rising baseball star Kenji Sato—“

The sound of glass breaking was heard at the mention of his name. Your tea now spilled on the floor, shards of broken glass around it.

Your breath got caught in your throat. Your boyfriend was there, in the middle of the chaos and there was nothing you could do. You were literally 5,000 miles away on the other side of the planet.

You knew you should’ve listened to your gut when it told you to come with Kenji to Japan. If something bad happens to him tonight, you wouldn’t be able to forgive yourself especially when there was something you could’ve done.

Quickly, you grabbed your phone, trying to call him, but the call went straight to voicemail. Panic surged through you, but you tried to remain as calm as you could.

The news feed cut to shaky footage that showed Kenji at bat with the crowd cheering, but suddenly, screams filled the air as the kaiju appeared overhead. The camera focused on Kenji, his face a mix of determination and fear before he disappeared from view in the ensuing chaos.

That was all the media said that night. It’s not like LA News would take an extra mile for Kenji; so you desperately searched for more information. Unfortunately, updates were sparse.

It was currently 3 AM in LA and your mind raced with worry. Was he safe? Why hadn't he called you?

You didn’t stop looking for information. You’ve checked the whole internet, called hotlines you thought could give you an update, and stayed up til sunrise.

Suddenly, your phone beeped and you have never been this fast on grabbing it. It was a text message from Kenji, "I'm okay. Can't talk now. Please don't worry. I love you.”

You held your phone close to your chest, a temporary relief washing over. You clung to those words but uncertainty still gnawed in you. You had so many questions and no answers.

Little did you know, Kenji was not just caught in the chaos; he was fighting it as Ultraman, a secret he was yet to reveal. The only reason he told you he was going back to Japan was that he wanted to play for the Giants, his favorite team as a child.

It was a random day that he told you he wanted to go back to Japan, and immediately at that. At first, you were hurt, thinking about how it seemed so easy to leave you in LA when you had loose ends you needed to tie first.

Your job demanded your attention. You were in the middle of wrapping up a significant project that required your presence. Your boss was understanding but insisted you complete the handover to your replacement to ensure a smooth transition.

Then your apartment lease was coming to an end. You needed to sort through your belongings, decide what to keep, sell, or store, and handle the logistics of moving out. This was time-consuming, and you had to coordinate with movers and real estate agents.

Lastly, your family. You were born here in LA and only went out of the country for vacations. But with how Kenji decided to stay in Japan for good, you wanted to follow. You couldn't leave without ensuring your parents and siblings were taken care of and comfortable.

Communication with Kenji became difficult in the weeks that followed after the Tokyo Dome incident.

It was a late evening in LA and an afternoon in Japan. You sat by your laptop, staring at the screen, waiting for Kenji's call. The clock ticked past the scheduled time, and your heart sank with each passing minute.

Finally, your phone buzzed with a message, "I'm so sorry, I can't make the call today. Something urgent came up. I'll explain later."

You sighed, typing back a quick reply, "I understand. Stay safe. I miss you." But he never got a chance to explain anything.

Recently, some things urgent have always arisen around Kenji. It wasn't the first time a call had been missed, and you knew it wouldn't be the last.

You were left with nothing but to watch his games and interviews on TV. However, he didn’t seem like himself in all of them. LA’s pride, the Kenji Sato, seemed like a rookie in the Japanese stadium.

His games were all chaotic with some of them ending in fist fights. When the camera focuses on him, you see nothing but an exhausted man. You never saw him like that before which made you worry what the heck is going on over there.

You clearly had no idea, at all, about what was happening to him. The last time you had a call, the connection was poor, and his voice kept cutting out.

"...so much going on here... trying… keep everyone safe..."

"Kenji, I can barely hear you. Can you repeat that?"

“...wish I could talk longer... love you...”

The call dropped before she could respond, leaving her staring at the screen, feeling more alone than ever.

All of these: being kept in the dark, zero communication, and the constant worry were making you rush the things you needed to wrap up before heading to Japan.

There was a time, you told him that you were thinking of coming to Japan first to help him with whatever he was going through, and just be back to LA afterward to take care of the things you left.

But it’s complicated, he said, with things happening that could put you in danger—more than the kaiju attacks, and that it’s better to stay in LA for now. You knew there was something he wasn’t telling you and it scared you.

Kenji promised to explain everything when the time was right. He told him he loves you more than anything and that he’s doing this to protect you.

You didn’t understand anything but you trusted him, waited for him, and been patient with him.

Soon after, it started to seem like things were getting better for Kenji. The Giants were now back on their track and Kenji was back to his usual self, if not better. Communication has been re-established and not a day went by that he didn’t call you.

Before you knew it, the last of your loose ends had been tied and you were finally ready to fly to Japan. You received a message from Kenji, “Things are calmer now. I miss you. Can't wait to see you."

Your heart ached with longing. You had worked tirelessly to clear your schedule and now was finally the moment. You had your flight booked, bags packed, and said goodbye to friends and family.

At the airport, you paused before boarding, sending one last message to Kenji, "On my way. See you soon."

As the plane took off, you stared out the window, the city lights of Los Angeles fading into the distance. The hardest part was over. You were finally on your way to Japan to finally understand everything that had kept you apart, and to be there for Kenji in ways you couldn't before.

The bustling Tokyo airport was filled with the sounds of announcements, the rolling of luggage, and the chatter of travelers. Kenji stood near the arrival gate, his heart racing with anticipation.

He clutched a bouquet of your favorite flowers, his mind a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions. After months of limited communication and the constant weight of his responsibilities as Ultraman, he was finally going to see you.

He scanned the crowd, searching for your familiar face among the sea of strangers. His phone buzzed with a message, and he quickly checked it, “Just landed. Can't wait to see you."

Kenji's heart skipped a beat. Moments later, he spotted you emerging from the gate, eyes darting around, searching for him. Your eyes met, and you broke into a wide smile, your pace quickening as you rushed toward him.

He closed the distance, pulling you into a tight embrace as soon as you reached him. The bouquet was momentarily forgotten, dropped to the floor as he held you close, feeling the warmth and reality of your presence.

"I've missed you so much," you whispered, voice trembling with emotion.

"I've missed you too," Kenji replied, his voice thick with relief and love. "I'm so glad you're here."

You pulled back slightly, looking up at him with a mixture of happiness and concern, "What's been going on?"

Kenji sighed, feeling the weight of the past few months. "There's so much to tell you,” he replied. “But let's get out of here first. I want to take you somewhere we can talk."

He picked up the forgotten bouquet, handing it to you with a sheepish smile, "These are for you."

You took the flowers, your smile widening, “Thank you, Kenji. They're beautiful."

All exhaustion from your 11-hour flight was wiped away at this moment. You were thankful for the naps you took on the plane because you didn’t want to pass out at the moment of your reunion.

The two of you then made your way out of the airport, the chaos and noise gradually fading as you stepped into the relative calm of the parking lot. Kenji led you to his car, loading your luggage into the trunk before opening the passenger door for you.

As Kenji drove through the city, you took in the sights. You’ve never been to Japan before, your excitement mingled with curiosity. "So, where are we going?" You asked.

Kenji glanced at you, a small smile playing on his lips. "I thought we'd go to a park nearby,” he answered. “It's a quiet place where we can sit and talk."

You nodded, reaching out to squeeze his hand. "I've been so worried about you,” you said. “I can't wait to hear everything."

You arrived at the park just as the sun was beginning to set, casting a warm golden glow over the landscape. Kenji found a secluded spot under a large oak tree, spreading out a blanket and setting up the picnic he had prepared.

You sat down together, the peaceful surroundings providing a stark contrast to the turmoil of recent months. Kenji took your hands in his, looking into your eyes.

"I'm sorry for everything," he began. "For not telling you sooner, for the missed calls and the worry. There's something I need to explain."

You looked at him with eyes full of concern and love. "I'm here now, Kenji,” you said. “Whatever it is, we'll get through it together."

He took a deep breath, gathering his thoughts. "A lot has happened since we last saw each other” he started. “I've been dealing with something big, something I couldn't tell you about over the phone."

You watched him intently, grip tightening on his hands, “What is it?"

Kenji sighed, feeling the weight of his secret pressing down on him. "You remember the day of the game when Gigantron attacked?” He asked. “That wasn't the first time something like that happened. And I've been involved in every one of those incidents."

Your eyes widened in shock, but you didn't interrupt, letting him continue. "I'm Ultraman," he confessed, his voice barely above a whisper.

"I've been fighting kaijus to protect the city. And recently, I found myself responsible for raising a baby kaiju who needed my help” he continued. “I couldn’t risk telling anyone, and I didn't know how to tell you."

You sat in stunned silence for a moment, processing everything. "You've been fighting monsters and raising a kaiju baby?” You asked. “Why didn't you tell me? I could have helped."

"I didn't want to drag you into the danger," he said, his voice filled with regret. "But I realize now that keeping you in the dark only made things worse. I'm so sorry for shutting you out."

You looked at him, your eyes softening. "I wish you had told me sooner, but I understand why you didn't,” you replied. “I just want to be there for you, Kenji. We’ll face anything together."

Kenji felt a wave of relief wash over him. "Thank you for understanding,” he said. “I promise, no more secrets and I don’t want to be far away from you anymore."

You held your arms out and gestured for him to hug you. He rested his head on your chest, his safe place. Oh, how he longed for it in the last months when he needed it most.

You could feel his tensed muscles relax at your touch. You peppered his forehead with kisses as you ran your hand lovingly across his hair.

He craved your touches the most and now that he’s in between your arms, it felt as if a heavy weight was taken off his shoulders.

He had so much more to tell but he decided that they were stories for the coming days. There’s no need to rush; after all, you’re here now.

Getting back to his agenda for today, Kenji slowly leaned back. "I hope you're hungry," he said with a grin, placing a small bouquet of wildflowers in the center of the blanket.

On the blanket were an assortment of your favorite foods: sushi, fresh fruit, and homemade mochi. You looked at the spread with delight. "This looks amazing, Kenji,” you said. “You've really outdone yourself."

"I wanted it to be special," he replied. "You deserve the best."

The two of you began to eat, savoring the food and each other's company. Kenji watched you with a soft smile as you tried a piece of sushi. "I remember you loved this one," he said, pointing to a beautifully crafted roll.

Your cheeks slightly flushed from happiness, "This is why I love you!"

As you ate, Kenji told you about the peaceful moments he found in the chaos. He would ask Mina to flash pictures of the two of you together and it would instantly calm him. Even Emi was calmed by it.

You sat in front of Kenji, back pressed against his chest and you between his legs. You held the box of sushis in your hand. From time to time, you’d turn slightly to look up and feed him.

At times, he’d lay his head on your lap, looking up at you, admiring the face he loves. You’d put your hand on his hair, gently stroking it as he tells you all about Emi.

He told you someday he’d take you to meet Emi; he’s sure she would love you. But for now, he just wanted to spend time with you. He felt bad for having neglected you these past months.

After you finished eating, the two of you lay back on the blanket, gazing up at the sky. It was already nighttime by then and the two of you didn’t even notice the time that passed.

Above you, the stars began to twinkle. Kenji pulled you close, wrapping an arm around your shoulders as you rested your head on his bicep. The world around you faded into the background.

"I love you," he whispered, the words carrying all the emotions he had held back.

"I love you too, Kenji," you replied, your voice equally soft. It felt so surreal to hear it in person after months of only hearing it on calls. “More than you'll ever know."

Taglist is open! Comment if u wanna be tagged on future Kenji oneshots

@eternallyvenus @puppyminnnie @wattpadsuckssohard @sakura-onesan @reggies-eyeliner @buggs-1 @miffysoo @spencerrxids @stupidbutsmart @marimargirlies @mixvchelle @lannnu @lailuv21 @christiinee @abracarabbit @youngbananamilkshake @flutterfly365 @o-schist @brazilsho @arrozyfrijoles23 @finestflora @mmeerraa @mianbaobaoo @themourningfox

[theheirofthesharingan]

What do you think about mikoto and fugaku as parents to Itachi & Sasuke? Fugaku gets a bad rep as a parent, but what about mikoto?

Wow, I've been thinking about this a lot lately.

Yeah, Fugaku gets a bad rep as a father and it's rightly so. Mikoto is seen as a loving mother, and while some part of that love is valid, and I like her for being a good mom to Sasuke, my admiration for her was dented upon the realization that she was a neglectful mother towards Itachi. And as much of a hot take as it might seem, both Fugaku and Mikoto were better parents to Sasuke than they were ever to Itachi.

So, I have mixed feelings about them both. And when I include Fugaku with Mikoto as a 'better parent' to Sasuke, please know the bar is in absolute hell.

I like the fact that Mikoto was at least invested in Sasuke's life.

She was present in his life, albeit for a short while, and involved in it. She provided him, offered him the love he deserved and needed as a baby. She saw Sasuke was suffering and struggling to get his father's attention, and provided her moral support to him. There's not a single instance, however, she was present there for Itachi. Itachi, too, would have needed his mother's support sometime, that too when he was being sucked into the politics, but we don't see him getting any of that. One could argue it was because Sasuke never witnessed.. Yeah, but how was it after learning the truth not a single memory clicked in his mind that would give away Itachi's sufferings in front of his mom? It's probably because it never happened.

Fugaku was outright neglectful towards Sasuke. Not just that he repeatedly compared Sasuke with Itachi, refusing to see him as his own person and saw him as only a shadow of the 'perfect' Itachi. If Sasuke wasn't as good as Itachi in all the things, he wasn't worth paying attention to, right?

The reason Sasuke was Sasuke and Itachi was Itachi was because of Mikoto. I strongly feel that children need a powerful feminine presence in their lives, which comes from their mothers or sisters. Sasuke was gentle and remained so after everything he went through. I believe it was because in his formative years Mikoto had been there for him.

There's a lot more to explore on Fugaku and Itachi than his parents with Sasuke. When I say Fugaku was a better father to Sasuke, what I mean is that despite being neglectful, he didn't drag Sasuke in the political mess that Itachi was. Sasuke was kept in complete darkness (probably like other kids of the clan) but Itachi wasn't shown this much kindness.

Fugaku and Itachi's conversations are mostly one sided with Mikoto being a silent spectator.

This conversation in particular pains me the most in regards to Itachi. It's like he's only allowed to say yes and no, and any other disagreement with his father on the subject will not be taken positively. He seems unhappy and is suffering and his feelings as a child are not taken into account at all. I say no one treated him like a human. But his own parents never even saw him a child.

Itachi had been acting strange ever since joined Anbu and Fugaku wonders what's wrong with him.

Shisui was spying on Itachi. Did he agree to go out spy on his BFF because some random Uchiha said this to him? Or was he ordered to do so by the chief of the police force? Fugaku, most likely, consented to Shisui spying on Itachi.

Some people say this is an instance of Itachi being evil. LMAO. imagine your best friend committed suicide in front of you and some people come to your house to accuse you of his murder along with many other things? Right. He must behave very angelic.

My man's worried what's wrong with his son who's being subjected to some burden he's dealing with all alone. And neither him not his wife want to reach out to him like normal parents should.

Eventually, when Sasuke asks whats wrong with Itachi and why he doesn't pay much attention to him, Fugaku has an even-I-don't-know response.

In the anime Fugaku says 'Your brother had a hard time dropping his guard'. All of it is an indicator of how terribly Itachi was treated. It wasn't just neglect but also an additional burden of the clan and the village. And all of this is being said about a child that isn't even thirteen yet.

Honestly, I give a lot of benefit of doubt to all the characters in Naruto, Fugaku and Mikoto included. And this opinion on Sasuke and Itachi's parents is because how much Itachi is hated when, it's obvious how every single grown up, especially his parents, in his life failed him. He wasn't treated as a child.

Although, I don't like to hate on their parents either. Fugaku and Mikoto were nothing but kind to Itachi in the end. He'd have cherished those last moments forever until his last breath. Sasuke spoke openly to his father the day he lost him. He'd have hoped he'd continue to be like this with his family but that was the only time in his life he received genuine acknowledgement from his dad.

No, Fugaku and Mikoto were worse parents to Itachi than they were to Sasuke. I like Mikoto because she loved sasuke and showed him genuine love. But i can't like her more because Itachi needed support from his family, which he never got.

Yet they both lost so much and loss of their parents was the worst thing that happened to them both.

[acalamity]

author's note

if anyone is interested, my ask box is open (my pinned post has more details) :D

I'm not exactly sure what this is: the mystery of eli's many hairstyles.

lookism! eli jang x reader drabble. reader and eli works in the same salon (the very beginning where daniel went for a haircut)

more under the wubbaboo!!

Eli Jang was a rather busy individual and utterly hopeless at cutting hair. Everyone around him knew that. Yet, every now and then, Eli would come around with a new haircut; done with meticulous hands and precision he didn't have. And Sally was willing to bet her entire building that Eli didn't cut his own hair.

She entertained the idea of her friend visiting a salon and brushed it off; Eli had neither the time or money to be paying for a new haircut and color change that often. And so, Eli Jang's changing hair remained a mystery.

Yet, it was a supposedly normal evening when Eli bolted out the door.

Oh, She realised when she spotted you by their doorstep, unamused and glaring at Eli with Yenna in your arms. The toddler in your arms waved her arms around, giggling and prodding at your skin as you spotted your coworker. Eli approached you with fervent steps, scooping his child from you and cradling her to his chest.

"Eli Jang." You called out to him, "Why did I find Yenna at the salon during my shift?"

Sally looked at Eli, "Hey! You said Yenna was Mira and Zack?"

"You see. . ."

"Nevermind, I don't want to hear it." With a sigh, you shook your head before glancing at the spectators behind Eli. That was the first time you extended your hand to her, and Sally was certain that this would happen many more times again, "It's nice to meet the family he talks about so much. I'm [Name], [Name] [Last name]."

The words left on their own before she knew it, "Are you the one behind Eli's hair. . .?"

"Hm?" Amusement twinkled in your eyes as you gave Eli a glance. For some reason, Eli seemed rather flustered and sheepish, "Eli's hairdresser? Yes, I suppose that's true."

You glanced at Eli, Eli glanced at you— and just like that, he invited you into their home, giving you one of his hands. The smiling eyes stared at your warmly, his tenderness as soft as a dream of clouds, "[Name], would you like to stay for dinner?"

For now, the meetings between the two of you under the false pretense of Eli's haircuts will remain private. In the time being, to satisfy the heart in his chest, he'll slowly but surely integrate you into other parts of his life.

You accepted the hand given to you, falling into step next to him, "Sure, thank you for having me."

Eli Jang is busy indeed, but for you, so long as you await, he will make time.

[myemuisemo]

Part 10 of "Letters from Watson" of The Sign of the Four starts with Sherlock Holmes enthusiastically infodumping.

He appeared to be in a state of nervous exaltation. I have never known him so brilliant. He spoke on a quick succession of subjects,—on miracle-plays, on medieval pottery, on Stradivarius violins, on the Buddhism of Ceylon, and on the war-ships of the future,—handling each as though he had made a special study of it. His bright humor marked the reaction from his black depression of the preceding days.

I wondered "why these topics in particular?"

Miracle plays were, in 1890, the subject of a new book by Alfred W. Pollard of the British Museum. It received a positive review in The Spectator.

The Arts & Crafts Exhibition Society had its first exhibition in London in 1888. While handicrafting, the William Morris aesthetic, and such, had been around for a while by then, this was the big organized push for public attention. Not only did the Arts & Crafts movement draw on medieval influences, but many a UK pottery maker was on the site of a medieval kiln and interested in medieval techniques.

Stradivarius violins are, of course, the sought-after antique violin. There were at least two donated to the Musée de la Musique in Paris shortly before the time of this story, as well as a number getting heard by important violinists in important orchestras. Even more interestingly from Holmes' point of view, a factory in Germany had just started making Stradivarius copies.

Buddhism in Sri Lanka had lapsed into torpor in the early 19th century but was, by 1890, well into a resurgence. The kick-off, back in 1866, had been Buddhist monk Mohottivatte Gunananda challenging Christian missionaries to a debate. In 1890, he had just died; but he had founded a political movement.

As for war-ships, in 1889, the Naval Defense Act had passed. It called for the UK Navy to be maintained at least twice as large as the combined navies of the next two largest powers (then France and Russia). War ships -- both quantity and design -- had doubtless been in the news for a while.

These aren't obscure hyperfixations (though I'm all for obscure hyperfixations!). These are conversational topics appropriate for a well-read gentleman of the era: the sort who gets three or four newspapers, reads the book reviews, and then reads the books reviewed. This explains how Dr. Watson and Athelney Jones set him off, or even participated in the conversation.

We also, while on a boat, get the return of Winwood Reade's Martyrdom of Man (making it Chekhov's book reference?). Says Holmes of Reade:

“He remarks that, while the individual man is an insoluble puzzle, in the aggregate he becomes a mathematical certainty. You can, for example, never foretell what any one man will do, but you can say with precision what an average number will be up to. Individuals vary, but percentages remain constant. So says the statistician."

Statistics was not new -- scholarly sorts had become engaged with statistics during the Enlightenment -- but it was in the early stages of being systematized into the mathematical field we know today. Holmes sounds like he would have been a fan of Francis Ysidro Edgeworth's Metre-like: Or the Method of Measuring Probability and Utility, published in 1887, since it attempted to use probability as the basis of inductive reasoning.

Then we have a boat chase.

I love the boat chase. I feel like the boat chase might have contributed to inspiration for the train chase in Nicholas Meyers' The Seven Percent Solution, though I also feel that a train chase needs no justification other than "we have two trains and a problem."

Our heroes leave from Westminster Wharf, which I'm assuming is roughly today's Westminster Pier, which had not yet received its statue of Boudica. (Westminster is conveniently southeast of Marylebone, where Baker Street is located.) So that long gentle curve is the river past St. Paul's and the Tower of London and under multiple bridges. They pick up the Aurora about where the river heads into that first shallow down-curve and chase it up and down, around the Isle of Dogs, up past Greenwich, and around the down curve at Blackwall. So they must catch it as the river starts to straighten and widen.

A pleasure tour from Westminster Pier to Greenwich today takes about an hour, but those are the boats their launch was passing like they were standing still. The Eva, a Thames Steam Launch of the appropriate era, was one of the speediest of the time and could achieve 16.5 miles/hour.

Then... I really would have preferred an actual monkey. We've now had in this chapter so many reminders of the achievements of European, particularly English, civilization that the avalanche of adjectives framing the Andaman Islander as primitive stands out as a deliberate counterpoint, despite the inclusion of Ceylon and Winwood Reade. Will we ever know what the Andaman Islander Accomplice's motivations were? (If yes, will I wish even more fervently that we'd just stuck with a monkey?)

I love the boat chase, though.

[lunardragon00]

The Heir (Choi San x OC)

Masterlist

Lord!San x Princess!OC

Words: 2759

Warnings: N/A

Introduction --> Chapter Two

𝔗𝔥𝔢 𝔯𝔢𝔞𝔩𝔪𝔰 𝔇𝔢𝔩𝔦𝔤𝔥𝔱

As the sun painted the sky with hues of gold, the realm prepared to celebrate the grand festivities in honor of the King's birthday. The air buzzed with excitement, and the sound of trumpets signaled the commencement of the much-anticipated grand tourneys.

The sudden appearance of a dark shadow and the thunderous roar sent ripples of awe and curiosity through the crowd gathered for the grand festivities. The atmosphere turned hushed as heads turned upward to witness the majestic and ominous sight in the sky. Gasps escaped the lips of the onlookers, and whispers spread like wildfire. Murmurs of disbelief and excitement filled the air as eyes followed the mysterious creature's flight path. The trumpets' triumphant notes were momentarily overshadowed by the enigmatic presence that captured the attention of everyone in the kingdom. Silhouetted against the golden and crimson hues of the setting sun, the creature revealed itself as a formidable beast. Its wings stretched wide, casting a shadow over the festive grounds. The creature's powerful wings beat rhythmically, propelling it gracefully through the sky, leaving spectators in awe of its sheer majesty. The King, seated on his grand throne, observed, a look of confusion spread across his face, but quickly changed to one of annoyance. The grand tourneys momentarily forgotten, the kingdom stood still, captivated by the arrival. The beast continued its flight, heading deeper into the heart of the kingdom, until it arrived on the outskirts of the Dragonpit. The beast lets out another roar, as a warning to the dragonkeepers approaching it and its rider.

"Gīda ilagon Noctis (calm down Noctis) , it is only the keepers." The rider descends the dragon with the help of the keepers, careful to avoid cutting themselves upon the scales. Its large, blade-like scales covered its body and face, complimenting its dark as night color that has a hint of a dark blue. There has been word that the people of Drake's Landing have decided on calling him "Midnight Seraph."

"māzigon Noctis, rȳbagon" (come Noctis, listen) The keeper grab ahold of the straps  and leads the dragon back to the pits. I don't understand why we have to lock them up in that stupid thing. They're wild animals, they should be free. The rider starts to remove her gloves as a knight approaches her, armor shining every so brightly and sword swinging with his movement.

"You look relieved to see me Sir Jaime." She says as a slight jest, knowing the reason why the sour look upon his face is there.

"I'm always relieved to see you everytime that beast brings you back alive." He responds. She scoffs and gives her gloves to an awaiting women.

"He is not a beast, how many times must I remind you of that." Sir Jaime shakes his head in disapproval but does so with a smile on his face. She has known him ever since she could remember. He was a few years younger than her father, he has always remained by her side and has been there for her when her father couldn't. Her father had always said that there were very few people you could trust in this world. "Everyone, except us, is the enemy Hana. I want you and your brother to remember that. This world is filled with self-interested people who will not pay mind to whom they hurt, as long as they get what they want."

"How has the tourney been going so far?" The young girl and knight walk side by side towards the Red Keep.

"Well, he's certainly not pleased. Especially with you flying right over the arena." The girl hums knowingly. She knew it would be a mistake, but at the moment she wasn't thinking about it. Her time with Noctis was the only moments of freedom she had. Being up in the sky, flying through the clouds and looking down on the city, it was bliss to her.

"I suppose I should make haste then before mother finds out." Her mother had been bed-ridden for sometime. A babe was on the way, her brother wanted it to be another boy so that he could practice sword fighting. But she wanted it to be a girl, a girl her mother would name Visenya, the wife of their ancestor Aegon the Conqueror, a heroine of hers.

She walks quickly to her chambers where her lady in waiting has already begun picking clothes for her.

"Good Noon Arya." The older girl looks startled by her appearance

"My Gods' Princess, you should've been here a near hour ago. The festivities have already begun." Arya rushes Hana to her bath and has her disrobe her riding gear.

"Just let me change into the gown, all you'll have to do it my hair and we'll be finished." Hana tries reasoning with her, but the women was not pleased.

"You reek of dragon Hana, no one will be able to stand being near you." The princess lets out a laugh, only Arya would be allowed to talk to her this way. They had known each other since they were little girls, with Arya's father being the Hand to the King. She was another that the Princess trusted with her full heart. Once disrobed, Hana sinks down into the tub and leans her head back against the edge. Arya takes a bowl and places it under the hair that's dangling out, she then grabs another bowl of water and pours it on the hair.

"Besides, I know a special someone will be at the tournament." Hana's heart skipped a beat. He was here? As Arya tended to Hana's dragon-scented hair, the princess couldn't help but feel a mixture of anticipation and excitement at the mention of the special someone's presence at the tournament. Her heart fluttered at the mere thought.

"Who do you speak of, Arya?" Hana inquired, her eyes reflecting a blend of curiosity and a hint of bashfulness. Arya, always direct and unfiltered, grinned mischievously.

"You know exactly who, my dear Princess. The one who makes your heart race like a wild stallion. The one who tames even the fiercest dragons," Arya replied with a playful twinkle in her eye. Hana's mind raced as she considered the possibilities. The tournament was not only a spectacle of martial skill but also a stage for the unexpected. The idea that someone special, someone who stirred her emotions, might be present added an extra layer of excitement to the otherwise dreadul event. With a contented sigh, Hana leaned back into the tub, letting the warm water envelop her. The scent of dragon that clung to her was a reminder of her unique connection to the mighty creature she rode. Arya continued her playful banter, teasing Hana about the potential encounter.As the preparations for the tournament continued, Hana's thoughts were consumed by the mysterious someone who awaited her presence. The tub became a sanctuary of contemplation, and the air buzzed with the promise of both the grand festivities and the possibility of a fateful encounter at the upcoming event.

---

Adorned in the elegant dark red gown, Hana stood at the threshold of the grand arena, the cheers of the crowd echoing around her. The anticipation hung in the air as she took a moment to appreciate the meticulous details of her attire, courtesy of Arya's styling.The dark red dress, with its intricate gold detailing on the neckline and sleeves, exuded a regal charm. The v-line cut of the top portion added a touch of sophistication, highlighting the graceful curves of the princess. The ensemble was a testament to Arya's keen sense of fashion and her ability to enhance Hana's natural grace. The true treasure, however, was the golden necklace that adorned Hana's neck. A simple chain held a captivating ruby, encased in a star-shaped golden casing. The ruby gleamed with a rich, deep red hue, mirroring the color of the gown. The ensemble, both understated and striking, enhanced the princess's beauty and radiance. As Hana prepared to open the curtains and step into the arena, she couldn't help but feel a surge of confidence, the weight of the golden necklace against her skin a reassuring reminder. The cheers from the crowd intensified, creating an atmosphere charged with excitement and anticipation. With a deep breath, Hana lifted the curtain, revealing the awaiting spectacle of the tournament and the adoring eyes of the spectators. The grandeur of the moment was not lost on her, and the princess embraced the role she was destined to play in the unfolding events.

Once opened, she viewed who was sitting in the area and where. She sees her father speaking to Aryas', Lord Eddard, in the center. Next to him sat Sir Harwin, captain of the Kingsguard. On the left side sat her brother, Hongjoong, who wore a black ensemble with red detailing stitched into it, their house symbol hidden within the embroidery. With him were his close friends, Seonghwa, Mingi, Yunho, Wooyoung, Yeosang, Jongho, and San. She looked at them in wonderment, who would have thought these boys would be so close to one another. All of them from completely different regions of the realm, two of them even being bastards, which were looked down upon in most of the world. As Hana greeted her, the air carried a subtle tension beneath the surface. Her father, with a smile that masked a deeper understanding, acknowledged her presence. The exchange held a hint of jest, but beneath it, there lingered the unspoken acknowledgment of a familiar conversation about her occasional tardiness.

"Father..." she spoke, offering a curtsey that belied the charm she carried as a princess. His gaze met hers, and the smile on his face betrayed both warmth and a knowing twinkle.

"Ah yes, my lovely daughter, you have at last decided to join your father on his name day," he replied, his tone carrying a playful note that danced on the edge of jest and parental guidance. Hana, well aware of the unspoken nuances, feigned a smile, leaning down to press a quick kiss to his cheek.

"My apologies," she responded with a lightness to her voice, "it seemed I lost track of time during my ride." The apology was delivered with grace, but both knew it wasn't just about the passage of time. It was a delicate dance, a conversation that transcended mere words. He returned to his conversation with Lord Eddard as you turned to take your seat. Sometime between your exchange with the King, Arya had entered and taken seat next to the younger boys. You made your way to sit but were caught by a hand grabbing your wrist. The grip on Hana's wrist tightened as she met the intense gaze of the Prince, otherwise known as 'The Pain in the Ass.' His voice carried a mix of frustration and concern as he questioned her about the stunt she had pulled.

"What were you thinking? Pulling a stunt like that?" he demanded, his eyes searching for an explanation. Hana, maintaining her composure, looked down at their entwined hands and then made eye contact with the Prince.

"I was simply riding with Noctis, brother," she replied, her tone steady but laced with a subtle defiance. The mention of Noctis, her dragon companion, hinted at the bond they shared, a bond that often led her to adventurous exploits in the realm. The Prince's expression shifted, a mix of exasperation and understanding crossing his features. It was a familiar dance between them, a clash of wills and a recognition of shared history. He was a constant presence in her life, both challenging and intriguing. As the conversation hung in the air, the grand event continued around them. Hana took her seat, aware that the complexities of royal relationships would persist, intertwining with the festivities of the day.

"I told you it was a bad idea going riding today, but you're too stubborn to even listen," Arya expressed, her frustration evident.

"Alright, I'll admit it, it wasn't the smartest plan on my part. But can we please let this go?" Hana implored, casting a pleading look at her friend. Arya sighed, relenting to the request.

"Alright, as you wish, Princess," Arya responded, bowing her head slightly before turning her attention to the boys behind them. The transition from reprimand to a lighter topic was swift, and Arya's tone shifted as she probed into Hana's personal matters.

"So... have you spoken to him yet?" Arya inquired with a sly grin. Hana, feigning confusion, replied,

"Spoken to whom, please Arya, you must be more direct on what you speak about." Arya playfully shoved Hana and wore a bright smile.

"Oh, don't give me that excuse. You know very well who I speak of. I only ask because he's looking at you."

Hana's eyes widened with feigned innocence, and a playful banter ensued between the two friends. The air was filled not only with the lighthearted exchange but also with the unspoken intrigue of the mysterious someone who had captured Hana's attention. As the festivities continued around them, the hidden glances added an extra layer of excitement to the grand celebration.

---

As the break in the tourney brought relief to the otherwise dreadful event, a feast was announced, and the highlords and ladies made their way to the courtyard. Hana and Arya found themselves standing by a tall pillar, surrounded by the architectural beauty of arched entries and a marbled floor that clicked with every step. One of Hana's favorite features of the courtyard was the installation her father had put in many years ago – the entire map of Mrythria laid out on the floor. From Castle Black near the Wall to the capital of Sunsphinx, Sunseth, every detail was meticulously displayed. As Hana and Arya conversed, a tap on her shoulder diverted her attention. 

"Good evening, Princess. It is, as always, a pleasure to see you again." The voice was familiar, and she knew who it belonged to. She turned around to find him standing there, dressed in a navy blue vest that stretched down to his mid-thighs. A silver clasp adorned his chest, connecting the sides of the vest. Underneath, a lighter blue undershirt complemented dark pants and leather boots. His dark hair framed his sharp features, and when their eyes met, he tilted his head down and bowed.

"Lord San, a pleasure," Hana replied, her tone warm and genuine. As he stood straight, he gazed upon her face, his eyes scanning every detail. Hana, clasping her hands behind her back, tilted her head slightly in curiosity.

"To what do I owe your good company?" she inquired. His eyes moved from the intricate details of her dress to the necklace that adorned her neck – a beautiful ruby encased in a golden star-shaped setting. His hand reached out to touch the gem, a small smile spreading across his face.

"A beautiful piece, Princess. Where did you find it?" he asked, his fingers tracing the edges of the ruby. Hana looked down at the gem, now held by San, before stepping closer to him and making eye contact. A light blush adorned her cheeks.

"A good friend had it sent to me. Where they acquired I'm not quite sure." 

"This friend must be special of yours; it seems they have an acquired taste," San remarked, his tone carrying a subtle acknowledgment of the uniqueness of the gift. The blush on Hana's cheeks deepened, and she became aware of the intimate stance they had taken, standing close amidst the bustling courtyard.

"Oh, he is. They sends me many gifts from their travels. The last one they sent me before this was a rather beautiful dress," Hana shared. San smirked and released the necklace, taking a step back, a playful glint in his eyes. He glanced around the courtyard before turning his attention back to her.

"I hear there were changes made in the garden, perhaps you could show me?" he suggested. A rush of excitement flowed through Hana's body, and she turned to find her friend Arya, only to discover that Arya had disappeared.

"Yes, of course. You will love it. My father has acquired some new flowers from Rosethorn..." Hana began to respond, but before she could finish, San took her arm in his, and with a subtle yet confident gesture, he escorted her to the garden. As they walked through the arched entries, the marbled floor clicked beneath their steps, and the courtyard gradually faded behind them. The realm's intricate map beneath their feet gave way to the allure of the garden, where whispers of new blossoms and the promise of shared moments awaited.

[milquetoast27]

Just finished Hamlet!! initial reaction/thoughts

I'm mostly going to discuss the final scene here because it left a big impression on me.

One thing that surprised me much is that Hamlet x Horatio is really popular..... but I was super drawn to Hamlet x Laertes!! I am here to defend them and explain why I was so drawn to their relationship (note, I don't really care if they're romantical or whatever but I found their relationship much more intriguing than Hamlet's with Horatio because of how much it changes and shifts towards the end).

also BIG disclaimer: I literally finished reading the play for the first time today, and everything was new to me. I have only scratched the SURFACE when it comes to this play, but I very much look forward to going really in-depth in its context and methods to carry across its meaning. 🙏 Please add anything to my thoughts that you wish!

Lines 210 - 216, Hamlet apologises to Laertes, while he tentatively accepts. I feel by this point Hamlet has had considerable character development, showing high respect to Laertes despite the fact that he wants to get revenge on him for killing his father- he even compliments his fencing skills.

Their fair and equal fight feels right, like they have a mutual respect for one another, and understand each other completely for their reasons.

I pray you pass with your best violence. I am afeard you make a wanton of me.

Say you so? Come on.

They wound each other. They are equals now.

And when Laertes falls, he reveals the king's true plan with the breath he has remaining.

Then, when Hamlet injures his uncle, the audience yells "Treason, treason!", but Laertes only says,

He is justly served. It is a poison tempered by himself.

I had this image of Laertes (although he is injured) and Hamlet back to back, the only ones who truly understand what is just in this situation- the rest are spectators who don't know the truth.

And before he dies, Laertes truly forgives him.

Exchange forgiveness with me, noble Hamlet. Mine and my father's death come not upon thee, Nor thine on me.

and INSTANTLY Hamlet's like

Heaven make thee free of it! I follow thee.

I feel that their devotion and understanding for each other is very strong 🥺.

Otherwise, despite being a tragedy, I feel that this play has quite an optimistic/uplifting ending! Sure, everyone dies, but the understanding between Laertes and Hamlet was powerful, I was pleased at Hamlet's character development, Fortinbras becomes the king of Denmark, and Horatio honours him after his death. Certainly not an ideal ending, but not too bad 🤷‍♂️

I totally get the appeal of Hamlet and Horatio's relationship but I don't find it nearly as dramatic and intriguing as the final encounter between Hamlet and Laertes :3

A little worried I may have misunderstood some things, or missed important details, so please guide me on those points if you so wish!

I look forward to engaging with Hamlet fandom for real now >:3

ah, and I gave drawing Hamlet a go, but I'm not really sure if this hits how I see him in my head? He has so many sides, I wanted to portray them all but it was hard for my first attempt.

[schismusic]

THE DISCOGRAPHY PRINCIPLE, Episode 5: Fugazi, or: People in high places are in on the kill taker

This is the first and only episode of the series that has a subtitle actually originating within the discography of the band it's discussing. More precisely, this sentence is in the packaging to a 1993 album called In on the Kill Taker, originally meant to be an EP produced by Steve Albini, local hero (you may recall him from Episode 2 of this very same series). At one point the band simply couldn't seem to stop producing new material, and collectively decided the new songs needed a more "produced" sound. So they split ways with Steve Albini right before his big breakthrough producing Nirvana's In Utero. The reason why I picked a sentence within Fugazi's work instead of turning to the usual postmodern shortcircuiting techniques is that Fugazi exist outside of any other reasoning, exclusively and crucially on their own merits and terms. There is no other band like Fugazi.

Think about it: upon reviewing any post-hardcore influenced band, no self-respecting professional reviewer after 1998 will ever compare them to Fugazi directly, even when they'd be right in doing so. There are a number of euphemisms to soften that comparison: maybe At the Drive-In (whose best record by far also happens to be their most Fugazi-inspired, as well as one of my favourite records ever), perhaps Refused if we're feeling exotic and we forget how firmly their tongue is lodged in their cheek at all times. Nobody touches Fugazi unless it's about Fugazi, and even then it's basically a given — they are either the best band ever or somewhere up there. If you don't know Fugazi, that might sound a bit too heavy-handed, and perhaps even get you to feel some aversion to Fugazi, until you listen to the records and realize "oh God, they were right". Here is where I, personally, realized that was the case for me:

Fugazi's superiority, at first, seems to lie within their internal policies and politics, their choices to sell any of their work and tickets exclusively below a certain price and to specifically push for all-ages shows, their strict code of ethics concerning relationships with fans and recorded music producers: no merch, no branding, no nothing, the point was first and foremost to make punk music with an attitude for research and dynamism and a social/political edge that wasn't afraid to tackle any subject matter in any manner that was felt necessary, all the while remaining firmly against (against discrimination, against violence, against a number of mainstream ideal models of conduct and thought). All else was window dressing and as such to be avoided. The Steve Albini debacle, if we want to call it that, ended up with Steve Albini's respect for the band skyrocketing — their ability to make such a decision with a producer already in ever-growing demand (who was himself eager to work with them) meant they were for real, they cared for the music much more than they did the publicity, and plain and simple had thought about what they did hard enough to know how to serve the songs. But that's exactly the main point: there's plenty of bands who don't care about the publicity and there's plenty of bands who try to make socially engaged music and there's plenty of bands who don't do social media. But how many of these bands are Fugazi — that is, how many have a track record this good?

I keep thinking back to this one thing that Francesco Farabegoli once said about Waiting Room in this here piece (Italian only, but I'll translate the relevant part, don't worry). For reference, Waiting Room not only is the first song on Fugazi's first EP, it's also the first song Fugazi ever wrote according to internal chronicles of the band, so it's got to sound a little bit surprising to those of you not in the know when FF writes that the song "lives within this paradox by which despite it not being the best song ever recorded by Fugazi, it's still the best song ever recorded by anyone". Hard to believe until you hear it, then you'll know what I mean. If I had to pick a favourite Fugazi song, that'd probably be Instrument, which I conveniently linked up at the beginning, and which neatly lines up with the fact that In on the Kill Taker is the one Fugazi album I have personally spent the most time with. In case you're wondering, a couple other picks might be Caustic Acrostic and Cassavetes — another cool thing about Fugazi is that they love their cinema. This might be the place where I first heard the name of John Cassavetes, as a matter of fact. But Waiting Room? There's simply no way to beat that as a first impression, and I get the feeling they might have known.

But by far what drives me to Fugazi the most is the very clear sense of linear, constant progression you get listening to their music in the release order. There is a core concept ("like the Stooges with reggae", in the words of Ian MacKaye) and then there are innumerable applications of said concept: its most stripped-down variant — of course the most solid, because it's the most rehearsed and strongest rooted — gets progressively more articulate and confident; but it reaches a breaking point, which the critics usually correlate to Steady Diet of Nothing; the band is able to rebound by slowly exploding that form, making it somewhat more articulate and chiselled; from In on the Kill Taker onwards everything turns more dynamic, the arrangement finds a community of intent and expression that transcend the base form and culminate of course into a record that simply chooses to refuse all further articulation. Ironically enough, that record is titled The Argument, it came out in 2001 after three years in the works — a very long time, the longest in the band's history — and then the band were so forward-thinking as to pioneer yet another dearly-beloved of post-hardcore bands all around the world: the term "indefinite hiatus".

It's much easier to say this than it is to split up for real, but what else were Fugazi supposed to do? They are still friends, they simply don't feel the band has anything more to say at this present time. Plus it's not like they stopped making music altogether — everyone of them has their own projects, their own things and most importantly their own life. I guess it's a matter of realizing that at one point you've reached an end, or that it would take too long for something to actually carry on in the proper manner. And I get it. Shutting up sometimes really says more than a hundred words, in that even absence implies non-presence (or past presence, in this case), it creates longing, it creates an empty space to be filled by whoever feels up to the task. In other words, I'm pretty sure something as big as Fugazi never really dies, and I think they too think so. "That is not dead which can eternal lie"…

[kalliopeia]

Daisuke Takahashi - Cutting Edge 2005

Congratulations to Kana and Daisuke for an amazing performance at Worlds! I'm so glad they finally managed to skate a program that they're happy with, in front of the home crowd.

When I first heard that Phantom of the Opera would be Kanadai's FD this season, I was skeptical. But it made for an amazing story. I still remember 2007 Worlds so vividly -- I tuned in to the live audio stream of British Eurosport at 4am (there was no video stream back then!) and cried with happiness when Daisuke won the silver medal. I never imagined that another lifetime later, he'd be skating to Phantom at Worlds again, this time as an ice dancer.

The legacy that Daisuke has left on the sport is undeniable. Mark Hanretty said during the ISU broadcast that so many of the 180 competitors at Worlds cited Daisuke as an inspiration. It's pretty incredible that even after becoming a two-time World Champion, Shoma stated that he still wants to be able to give a performance like Daisuke.

The first interview I ever read from Daisuke was from Cutting Edge 2005, where he said that he hopes that his skating will remain in people's hearts in the future. It's so heartwarming to know that has come true.

I translated this interview and posted it on FSUniverse in 2006. The site I used to host the original translation is gone now, but sometimes I still see parts of the interview quoted in various places. Here's the full interview and scans of from the original book.

Daisuke Takahashi Surging Brilliance and Passion (Translated from Cutting Edge 2005)

At the age of 16, he obtained the honor of becoming Japan's first men's Junior World Champion. The boy who was expected to become the ace of the next generation turns 20 this season. He has fluid skating, splendid footwork, and a natural spark that captures the hearts of spectators. If he conquers his competitive weakness, he has the ability to become the World Champion. Not a former Junior World Champion, but a true World Champion someday. A firm goal can be seen before his passionate gaze.

Those effortless jumps in exhibitions, those intense steps. If only he showed that energy in shows in competition... Daisuke Takahashi, who always makes people nervous, was even more lackluster than usual in the first half of the 2004-2005 season. In the Grand Prix Series' Trophee Eric Bompard, he was in third place after the short program, but fell four times in the free and ended up eleventh. At the important Japanese Nationals, he finished a nightmarish sixth. What happened to him in the critical pre-Olympics season?

Where did the passion for skating go?

"Last year... I hated skating. I didn't want to do it. I had an injury, but it wasn't very serious, so that wasn't the reason. Why... I don't know, but I hated being on the ice. In practice, I'd think, 'I've already skated for 30 minutes,' but not even 10 minutes had passed... When I skated, time somehow felt longer. My feelings weren't into it at all.

When I got injured in September and took a break for a while, I thought, I've done nothing but skating up until now. All through high school, I had gone from school to the rink. I'd go to school and practice in Okayama, and then go to Osaka on the weekends to practice. ...With that kind of lifestyle, I never had any fun. I didn't know how to have fun.

Then in April I started college and moved to Osaka. My environment changed, and I became more independent. When you can take care of your everyday life and school matters on your own, your perspective changes, right? So then I thought... 'Is it okay for me to only focus on skating?' But even though I thought I'd do other things, in the end I didn't do anything. I still felt that I had to skate. But when I went to the rink, I didn't want to skate at all. I neither skated well, nor had any fun doing other things. If I couldn't participate in the special training camp... I definitely would've quit skating. The reason I didn't quit was because I was at the level where I couldn't quit by my own will. That's all. But anyway, my feelings of hatred towards skating were really strong last year..."

Due to his major environment change, he began to question his life of solely skating. In the 2004-2005 season, Daisuke Takahashi wholly felt the difficulty of the sport of figure skating, where mental doubts show up in one's skating itself. But he did not end his career like this, for he is the man who went as far as becoming the Junior World Champion.

"But those feelings finally subsided when I finished sixth at Nationals in December. I thought, ah, the season is over now. Strangely, when I thought that, the turmoil disappeared. Then after Nationals was the Medalists on Ice show. I was called to participate even though I was sixth, and at first I didn't want to go. 'I'm not a medalist, so I won't go!' I said. But my coach Nagamitsu-sensei told me, 'Go anyway,' so I went reluctantly. But it turned out to be really fun! I skated to Secret Garden's 'Nocturne,' a song I chose myself. The program was a very simple one that I also choreographed myself. Since the shows were right after Nationals, I was tired after the first of the three. But as I skated, they became more and more fun. I skated happily for an audience with a program I chose and created myself! From then on, I was gradually able to think once again that skating really is fun."

Along with his recovered feelings, his skating visibly regained its spark. In Medalists on Ice, he showed unbelievable jumps and skating that made spectators think, "This is the sixth place finisher?" At the beginning of the new year, he placed first at the Universiade, and finished on an international podium again with a third place at the Four Continents Championships. Unable to maintain his good results, he finished fifteenth at the World Championships, but even so, his revitalized expression after the season's end was like a different person's.

"So last season was the season where I grew to hate skating once, but then became able to love it again. Because that happened last year, my feelings this year are different. Of course, practices are still tiresome, but I'll never slog through them reluctantly like last year. I practice decisively now with refreshed feelings. So every day, when I'm done practicing, I feel good. I don't know how that'll turn out in competition, though. (laughs)

But the biggest difference from last year is that I don't just 'wish' in competitions now. My thoughts last year like, 'I wonder if I can land this jump, it'll be nice if I can,' were merely 'wishes.' But this year, I don't wish; I have strong feelings of, 'I'll land it' or 'I won't fail.' I've practiced to have that kind of confidence this year!"

Those new feelings have already appeared on the ice. At the Japan International Challenge in October, he defeated foreign skaters and placed second! The voices of, "I want to see Daisuke in Torino!" continue to build.

Daisuke Takahashi's Craftsmanship

He captivates spectators with his beautiful skating, and excites them with his triple axels and quadruple jumps. When he sends his strong gaze to the audience, his steps have even more force. When he's on, Daisuke Takahashi is almost unrivaled. Many fans had been waiting anxiously for him, thinking, "I wanted to see this kind of male skater!" Just how was this kind of skater born?

"When I was little... I was weak, and I hated going to school. (laughs) My parents were worried about me, so they made me try many different sports. I have three older brothers, and all of them did Shaolin Kung Fu. But Shaolin is painful, isn't it? I hate pain. It's scary! At first I thought about doing hockey, which is also skating, but I couldn't do it because I was scared of getting hit in the chin. I really am a coward. (laughs)

Other than martial arts and hockey though, I originally thought gymnastics might be good. But the gymnastics place was far away in inner Okayama, so it would've been difficult for my mother to drop me off and pick me up there. So I tried skating thanks to a friend's suggestion, and it was really fun!

What about skating was fun... I can't remember anymore. I don't remember what about it was fun at all, but anyway, it was fun. I didn't take skating lessons with the intention of becoming a serious athlete, or because I admired anyone. I just started it normally, without thinking about anything. When I was little, I used to joke around saying, 'I'm going to skate in the Olympics!' but it really was just a joke. I skated really contentedly just thinking of it as a hobby.

But... when I won Junior Worlds in my first year of high school, I thought, 'I have to do this as a serious athlete' for the first time. That I can't just do this as a hobby. I felt that I had to become a responsible athlete. To think that... shouldn't have been so difficult. But after Junior Worlds, I was completely awful in seniors, right? I might've tried too hard to become serious after skating as a hobby for so long... No, I didn't try hard enough to be able say that (laughs), but these past few years, I tried too hard with only my feelings. With those feelings accumulating for so long... last year, I just thought, 'I don't want to skate anymore.'

But even though I say that, it's not that grandiose of a story! When I talk about it like this, it sounds exaggerated. (laughs)"

Skating fixations, style fixations

The boy who attracted great expectations due to his talent and potential forgot his feelings of "Skating is fun" and "I love skating" somewhere down the line. But now that he has remembered that important something, he is able to laugh away all the hardships he has had. One can also see his relaxed attitude towards skating.

"Truthfully, there aren't really any skaters that I aim to be like. Of course, I like certain parts about skaters; for example, I want Nobunari-kun's flexibility. But this year I've been working on my flexibility, so I've become a little more flexible! Also, I want Jeffrey Buttle's transitions. His transitions between elements and connection to the music are really amazing. There are various skaters whom I want to steal things from like that, but none of whom I think, 'Everything about him is great!' Because Takahashi's ideals are high. (laughs)

But there's the actor Joe Odagiri, right? I love him! I love his atmosphere. He has this mysterious air about him that other people don't have, right?

I admire that mysterious charm, so although I'm not trying to imitate Odagiri-san, I'd like to show that kind of charm that attracts both men and women in my skating. Do I think I'm handsome? I've never been conscious about that kind of thing! No, I don't, I don't. (laughs) I'm trying to become handsome, though! Because out of the four brothers in my family, I'm the plainest. I don't look like my three older brothers at all. Ah, I think the second eldest has gotten a little chubby lately, and has become a little dirty looking?

My brothers never talk about skating. Their attitude is, 'Why don't you just do what you want?' Though they do cooperate with me... Generally, my brothers don't watch my skating. (laughs) But it's easier that way. Isn't it easier to go home and not talk about skating? We talk about completely unrelated things, like they ask me, 'Have you gotten any presents from girls?'

Since I have those brothers, I'm not popular at all. (laughs) I'm bad with girls. Actually, I think girls are scary. (laughs) My skating friends are fine, but... I'm bad with girls I like. I can't talk to them at all. But I look okay with long hair, right? Didn't I look better when I had long hair? My choreographer in America, Nikolai, cut my current hair! Though, I had planned for a better hairstyle...

There's that much of a difference between my normal self and my skating self?

No, there's no difference. I'm always like this. But when I'm on the ice... I like people watching me. I want everyone to watch me. Starting from practice, I want people to watch me, not other skaters. I might really want to stand out! So when I come to Nobeyama, I skate while conscious of people around me. Anyway, I want to become really famous!

I want to become a skater that everyone in Japan knows. So I think of Miki Ando as my rival. (laughs) Though we haven't really become rivals at all. Huh, this interview is going to become a book? The picture you just took will be the cover? Seriously? I'll buy it when it comes out! You'll send me one? Yay!"

To Torino, with Nikolai Morozov's programs!

He says there's no difference between his off-ice and on-ice persona. But when this friendly young man stands on the ice, he turns into the ultimate entertainer who draws all eyes to him. Mysteriously, he shows us a completely different Daisuke Takahashi. But that's probably the Daisuke Takahashi who mischievously thinks, "I want to stand out, I want to attract people's attention." This year, a new choreographer who helps to bring out his entertainer quality even more joined Takahashi's team.

"My choreographer this year is Nikolai Morozov. At first, I thought about asking Lori Nichol. But when Nagamitsu-sensei suggested, 'How about Morozov?' I thought, 'Ah, that might be good...' Right when I heard Morozov's name, I thought, 'That might be good.' Just based on my feelings, I thought Nikolai might be better than Lori. I'd never had choreography done by either of them before. When I was with Tatiana [Tarasova] last year and the year before, Nikolai had already split from her. So that's how I went to Morovoz's place in America for the first time this year... There was no need to give him my opinions at all. I'm plenty satisfied with what he created! Since Nikolai's ideas just came flowing out one after the other, rather than telling him, 'I want to do this,' at first I had trouble trying to see how well I could do what he asked of me.

After Nikolai made my programs in America, he also looked after my practices... Nikolai used to be an ice dancer, so there are a lot of dancers around him like Ukraine's Grushina/Goncharov and Russia's Kulikova/Markov... Besides getting choreography, I learned a lot of things by watching Nikolai's practices with them. In Japan, the rink I used to skate at closed down, and the rink I skate at now is hard to commute to. But I was able to practice in a good environment this year thanks to my connection to Nikolai. Since I was able to practice well in the off-season, I don't want to lose to Nikolai's choreography! My free program this year is Rachmaninov's Piano Concerto, so I don't want to lose to Rachmaninov's music either! I want to show my own interpretation of it."

The Morozov programs he chose by intuition fit him perfectly. They are dramatic and sensational. In 2005-2006, the Olympic season arrives, as if it had been waiting for his mental growth and new choreographer. If he makes it, it will be his first Olympics. What kind of skating does he intend to show us?

"I haven't had many performances that I've truly been satisfied with. The only ones I can say were really good are this year's free program from the Universiade and the short program from the World Championships in Germany. And, well, the performances that I won Junior Worlds with. That's about it. Those are the only ones I think were 'complete' performance-wise, regardless of the jumps.

In competitions, I'm always overwhelmed. When I skate, I don't think about anything. When I receive applause during the steps I'm happy that the audience is cheering me on, but I can only feel like that for a split second during the performance. This is different in shows and exhibitions. Because I can be at ease with feelings like, 'It'd be nice if both the audience and I have fun.' That's why Dreams on Ice wasn't bad.

But this year, I want to have more satisfying performances in competition! My goal is to go to the Olympics, and I'm aiming for... the podium! I want to have a goal that's at least that high. (laughs) Everyone is serious this year aiming for the Olympics, which only one person can go to. Of course, I'm aware of the others. Even if we practice together, I don't dislike anyone. So if someone else goes instead of me, I want to cheer him on. I want to fight everyone without any bad feelings. But of course, other people have nothing to do with my own skating. So even above that, I want to have my own goals. I'll continue working on my flexibility, becoming more flexible little by little over the next four years, towards my final goal of Vancouver. I'm thinking of Torino as a stepping stone... but without abandoning my feelings of wanting to medal. If I'm lucky, that is. (laughs)

In Vancouver... it'd be nice if I could become the Olympic Champion. I want not only the people who watch at that time, but also young skaters way in the future, when I become an old man, to see my skating. My goal is to become good enough so that people will watch videos of me and say, 'Daisuke Takahashi was really good.' So that my skating will remain in the hearts of people who watched the Olympics. So that it will resonate in their hearts, no matter how many years pass. In order to make my skating have that kind of worth... Takahashi skates today!"

This was the interview he gave during the training camp. After we finished talking, he headed straight to the rink. His extremely serious appearance while skating, and his bright appearance while joking with friends... Hiding his tough heart with a smile, to Torino, to Vancouver. His journey continues. And someday, everyone in the world, not just Japan, will surely know of Daisuke Takahashi.

[cafeleningrad]

For a few weeks now I came across some articles calling out the “missing the aim”, “hollow”, “shaky” class-fight media like the White Lotus, the Triangle of Sadness, Glass Onion, or the Menu relishing more in making fun of uber rich standins from real life personalities. As much fun as it can be to caricature fee-fees of rich people demanding service job labour, I’ve to agree that apart from comical or tense scenes these media do very little to me because they dwell only on their surface of uber rich vs service people tone deafness and a fantasy of service worker retribution. And also it’s often brought up how Parasite and sometimes Squid Game were the primary inspiration/kick-off for these niche but popular productions by Hollywood but... the reason why so many Hollywood media stories of poor vs uber rich missed so much context from the Korean sources. I can’t blame critics for not knowing to much about Korean culture but the amount of many to not even attempt to research about the culture of a non-US-movie baffled me. (i.e. takes like “Ali is a token” when uh, the struggle of migrant workers and language barriers used against them was an explicit theme, “the foreign spectators were too cartoonish” as if US imperialism and use of Korea in geopolitics weren’t an issue influencing Korean politics, “Ji-yeong’s Christian religious abuse is too  clichee” Evangelist churches and their money exploitation in South Korea.) The entire reason why Parasite is so layered is not only because the divide between rich and poor, and the social reinforcement was clever told - it was BUT it was a larger commentary about South Korean social mentality, the house itself was a symbolism of Korean history as a whole: The original architect as mythical mocharchic area under which things seemed idle, North-South divide and fight marked by Moon-Gwang’s imitation of Northern propaganda, and later a foreign family having moved into the house whereas Ki-Woo is still clings onto the desperate dream that if he only earned more money he would get the house for himself. While capitalism as the bad system preventing the Kim family to rise it is a layered comment on how capitalism and history strongly marks the South Korean social mentality.

And that’s, in my opinion, why so many Western uber rich vs. poor media productions remain so superficial as well a mere entertainment to mock rich costumers which got on our nerves - don’t get me wrong, it feels gratifying but ultimately which enriches me only as much as popcorn for a meal.

[aishangotome]

Chapter 14-4 Coup D'état in Nancang (南滄政變)

Chapter 14-3

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Outside the hall, the clash of swords echoed, the sounds of fighting drawing relentlessly closer. The thud of blades tearing through flesh, though muffled, was terrifying.

Several eunuchs shielded the three of us inside, all holding their breath.

Gradually, however, the sounds from outside grew fainter.

After a period of silence, one eunuch cautiously edged towards the door. Still no sound.

He pressed his ear against the door, seemingly relieved, but then—

Crash! The doors were flung open by something solid, and a thick, pungent wave of blood washed over the hall.

Attendant: Ugh—ah!

The cold gleam of a blade sliced through the night as the hall doors swung wide, black-clad rebels raising their swords.

The eunuch's expression remained frozen, but a splash of crimson splattered against the dark night sky.

In the shifting light and shadow, a figure appeared, their robes embroidered with dark gold cloud patterns. Blood-stained rebels, humble and respectful, flanked the newcomer.

I couldn't help but look up at him.

Sword-like brows, eyes sharp as blades. He wore a long, purple robe, its sleeves billowing in the night wind.

Outside, the storm raged, dark clouds swirling. He was almost entirely swallowed by the night.

His eyes swept over everyone in the hall. Though he carried no sword and wore no armor, he still exuded an overwhelming aura of power.

Gao Zhuo: Seize them.

The rebels behind him surged into the hall, apprehending us one by one.

Ning Ji and I were roughly shoved to the ground, the weight on our shoulders and backs making it nearly impossible to lift our heads.

Imperial Guard: ...Huh?

One of the rebels beside me looked me over curiously and addressed Gao Zhuo.

Imperial Guard: Why is there a woman here? Lord Gao! What should we do with her?

Gao Zhuo pondered for a moment before approaching and leaning down. His robes were luxurious, their silken edges carrying a chilling coldness that touched my skin.

A hand forced my head up to face him.

Gao Zhuo: ...

Gao Zhuo: What are you doing here?

He recognized me.

He knew what I looked like, and he knew I shouldn't be here.

Upon seeing my face, Gao Zhuo froze, his eyes betraying an undeniable surprise.

Princess: Do you recognize me, Lord Gao?

Gao Zhuo seemed to snap back to his senses. He straightened up, putting distance between us, his expression now hidden from my view.

Gao Zhuo: Untie her.

Irritation laced his voice, but I couldn't fathom the reason.

Imperial Guard: But Chancellor, this woman's origins are unknown. She's clearly suspicious and should be executed on the spot—

Gao Zhuo didn't say another word, his icy glare silencing the Imperial Guard.

The two hurriedly untied me, but Gao Zhuo didn't deal with me immediately.

Gao Zhuo: You've arrived just in time. It would be a shame to miss such an important spectator.

Gao Zhuo took a silk scroll from a subordinate and abruptly unfurled it before Wang Jue. One end hit the floor with a thud, the scroll rolling open.

Wang Jue: "This King suffers from many ailments, and within, fears being unable to manage the myriad affairs of state, and without, fears inevitable criticism. Now desires to abdicate"—

Wang Jue: What is the meaning of this?

Gao Zhuo nodded slightly, and a subordinate presented a thick stack of documents, placing them on the desk.

Gao Zhuo: These are the cumulative medical records from the Imperial Hospital concerning Your Majesty. Your Majesty is indeed weak and sickly, and it is difficult for you to bear the weight of the throne. This is plain for all the officials to see.

Wang Jue didn't react.

Wang Jue: I don't understand, and I won't stamp it.

Gao Zhuo paced slowly around the hall.

Gao Zhuo: I know you were afflicted with illness in your youth, which has made you dull-witted, but you can hear clearly and recognize characters. How can you not understand?

Wang Jue: I simply don't want to stamp it. Do I need a reason?

Before Wang Jue could finish speaking, there was another commotion at the entrance to the hall.

The rebels escorted a dozen or so people inside. They were pale and unarmed. Looking closely, most were officials from Ning Ji's faction.

Seeing Wang Jue, they erupted into chaos. Some cursed Gao Zhuo, some trembled uncontrollably, and some remained silent.

Gao Zhuo sat in an armchair brought by a subordinate, looking down at them all.

He extended his index finger and drew a line in the air. Immediately, an Imperial Guard understood and brought over a nearby incense burner.

Gao Zhuo: If Your Majesty refuses to use the seal, every time this incense stick burns down a segment, I will kill one person.

Wang Jue didn't react, as if Gao Zhuo's words were like the smoke, dissipating as soon as they passed.

But the burning incense wouldn't wait. As a segment burned down, Gao Zhuo gave the order, and a splash of crimson splattered onto the silk scroll, staining it.

A heavy thud followed, and the person who had been on their knees lay motionless. Their screams echoed through the hall, but Wang Jue, looking at the fallen figure, remained unmoved.

Wang Jue: This isn't our first encounter, Lord Chancellor. Do you truly not know what kind of person I am?

He propped his chin on one hand, sitting calmly on the throne.

Wang Jue: Even if I am dull-witted, I know who should hold the reins of Nancang.

Wang Jue: Even if blood flows in this hall today, as long as I live, Nancang will not fall into your hands.

Gao Zhuo looked at Wang Jue appraisingly.

This young man, who had always feigned madness and stupidity in his presence, finally bared his fangs in the face of death, like a cornered animal.

Gao Zhuo: If Your Majesty had shown such backbone earlier, I might have held you in higher regard.

An Imperial Guard, at Gao Zhuo's behest, approached Wang Jue.

Gao Zhuo: Are you willing to gamble your own life against me?

The sword pointed directly at Wang Jue, and a slight commotion rippled through the hall. The closer the blade came, the more tense and suffocating the atmosphere became.

Wang Jue refused to yield. Just as the sword was about to fall, I rushed forward.

Gao Zhuo: Careful!

The situation was chaotic, but I could still hear the urgency in his voice. The next moment, I was pulled into Gao Zhuo's arms—

His hand grasped the sharp blade, blood gushing down his arm, soaking into his robe, turning the purple even darker.

My eyes met Gao Zhuo's. He frowned, his gaze filled with a heavy, lingering sorrow and a barely contained rage.

Gao Zhuo: For someone like him, you're willing to throw your life away?

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Chapter 14-5

If you’d like to support my translations, feel free to buy me a coffee here! :)

[zechleton]

A Brief and Depressing History of ESWC

Quick disclaimer. I originally started writing this as a script for some kind of video essay or something like that. I kinda chickened out in the end, and also I know very little about making videos, so here it is as 2.5k word essay instead.

Unless you’re old like me, you might not know that Esports World Cup is actually heading into its third decade of existence. Things have changed considerably in the 21 years since its first event in 2003, not least its ownership, but the entity known as ESWC is not, strictly speaking, new.

What I don’t want to do today is get into the sports washing issue. Plenty of others have covered that already and it’s too complicated a topic to try and squeeze into this piece. Suffice to say, while I’m undecided on where I stand, I fully understand why people many of you will be giving this event a miss.

Today I want to delve into the roller-coaster history of a tournament organiser that is near and dear to my heart. In 2005 I attended my first international event as a journalist – the third ever ESWC finals in Paris. I was awestruck by the entire week, from being in a foreign city alone for the first time to the fact that my nerdy hobby could really host an event of this size. Looking back at photos of the venue, the latter part of that seems particularly quaint. Although the stage was extremely cool, I reckon there were maybe a couple of thousand spectators at most.

Still, in 2005 that was huge. The main competitor at the time, Cyber Athlete Professional League (CPL), pretty much just didn’t have an in-person spectatorship at all to begin with and when they did try to attract fans, results were mixed. Back then, Esports was a far cry from AR pop groups performing opening ceremonies for a stadium of thousands and a stream viewership in the millions. World Cyber Games (WCG), which is theoretically still in existence but hasn’t run a tournament since 2020,was the closest thing to a modern event. It had Olympics-style branding, an opening ceremony and even its own theme song, but its viewership paled in comparison to today’s events. ESWC, in the early 2000’s, was a moderately large fish in pretty small pond.

Despite many changes down the years, one thing that has remained the same about under the new regime is the multi-game format. When I went to Paris in 2005, I mostly covered Warcraft 3 despite being on GotFrag’s staff as a Counter-Strike writer at the time. There was also Quake 3, Unreal Tournament, Pro Evolution Soccer and more. CS was definitely The Main Event, but every game had its final played on the main stage. Every game had its moment in the spotlight. ESWC was even ahead of the curve in having a women’s CS tournament, and I remember my American colleagues being hyped for Girls Got Game making an American CS double, with Complexity winning the men’s event.

Looking back, I wonder how much of this was out of necessity. With so much less money coming into esports in its early days, perhaps it made more financial sense to host multiple games in one venue, in order to maximize both viewership and participation while only needing to pay for one venue. It’s no coincidence that most tournaments back in the day were attached to other attractions. Dreamhack, obviously, was always attached to a BYOC event, but other organises did similar things. Even as late as 2010, I remember wading through thousands of people, past the hundreds of booths that made up CeBIT to reach the ESL IEM stage.

Fun aside: this was the event where Azael became a “literal world champion,” after winning the World of Warcraft tournament with Evil Geniuses. I will never not cringe when I think about how inappropriately quickly I leapt on him and his teammates to ask for an interview after the game. I didn’t even wait for them to finish celebrating their victory. Azael, reasonably, told me to give them a minute. I have never watched any of my interviews from this event, and I don’t think SK’s site has them hosted any more – what a pity.

By the way, if this sounds weird now, that’s because it was. I had a press pass, sure, but I was sitting in the crowd of a couple of hundred people and simply wandered up to the stage without needing to show it to anyone.

I went back to ESWC in 2006, solely as a WC3 guy now. Ironically, I barely recall the WC3 final at all, but the MIBR vs Fnatic CS final turned out to be a banger. To those of us on the outside, ESWC seemed to be tootling along just nicely but capitalism demands growth and “tootling along” was never going to be enough in the long run.

That was my last in-person event for a few years. I left GotFrag a few months after it got bought by Major League Gaming in 2007. Similarly, ESWC soldiered on as-is for a while, but the organisers had to switch things up. They changed formats in 2008, moving to something closer to the IEM and Blast Pro series formats we know today but this would only last one year. In 2009, under the weight of a global financial crisis, ESWC closed its doors for, erm, like a year.

They weren’t the only casualty, and Counter-Strike’s love-hate relationship with CPL ended in early 2008. An official statement read “The current fragmentation of the sport, a crowded field of competing leagues, and the current economic climate have prompted the CPL to suspend its pro-tournament operations.” Matthieu Dallon, founder of ESWC, echoed this sentiment in an interview with Fragster.de (https://complexity.gg/matthieu-dallon-interviewed-on-eswc-bankruptcy/ not the og link): “We have contacted several dozen of potential partners, big and small brands. We always received the same answer: Our stock value is in free fall, the sales decline, we are going to lose money this quarter, nobody knows when all will restart, so we have to reduce all our marketing and communication budgets, we have to target our direct consumers, and we have to cut all special budgets as sponsoring or alternate advertising.”

Other leagues such as ESL and Dreamhack hung on, changed their models and adapted. They became hosts and organisers for the likes of Blizzard and Valve, eventually becoming more of a media company than a league. But when ESWC returned in 2010, it more-or-less picked up where it left off: multiple games (including WC3, surprisingly) and a spectacular venue in Disneyland Paris.

In 2011, my beloved WC3 was replaced by Starcraft II and ESWC attached itself to Paris Games Week. This meant a change of season. Until now, ESWC had always been a summer spectacle. Paris Games Week took place in late October – presumably to give Parisians something to do indoors during the miserable weather.

Still, the event continued to be a fairly important part of the esports calendar. We still hadn’t quite reached the era of The Major and there was plenty of room at the table for competition. Although my own interest in many of the included titles was waning during this period, ESWC looked to be going strong. They took the move to CS:GO and DOTA2 in their stride and added more and more -Mania games. ESWC had always been one of the strongest proponents of Trackmania, but they even added Shootmania for a few years towards the end. Remember Shootmania? Kinda? Yeah, same.

It wasn’t until 2014 that things started to get silly. Call of Duty gets top billing on the official ESWC page for that year. This is the first time that anything other than Counter-Strike sits atop the list of champions, which is a subtle but important change. But okay, people like COD, whatever. It made sense to add another popular FPS game.

Just Dance, though? I think this is where ESWC’s reliance on other parties started to become an issue. Just Dance is an Ubisoft game, developed by Ubisoft Paris specifically. ESWC always had strong ties to its home country of France and while Ubisoft’s Trackmania series made a lot of sense as a competitive game, dancing, just kinda doesn’t. Well, I guess it did go on to be part of the Olympic Series, so joke’s on me, right?

Okay, maybe that’s a bit rude. If you like Just Dance then that’s great. I watched the highlights for this video and everybody looked like they were having a great time. But after so many years of pining for mainstream acceptance, the fact that the Olympics chose a dancing game that a lot of esports fans had never even heard of (myself included), instead of CS or a MOBA of some kind was absurd. Viewers thought so, too – all 800 of them. Yeah, according to esports charts (https://escharts.com/tournaments/other/olympic-esport-series-finals-just-dance) the peak viewership for Just Dance at the Olympics was 777 people.

Look, I’m not suggesting that ESWC immediately shrunk in 2015 because of Just dance and Call of Duty, but they played their part. From the outside looking in, their seems to have been a lack of direction and these two games were part of that. Or rather, there was a direction, but that direction was advertising Ubisoft products. ESWC spread itself too thin at a time when single-title leagues and tournaments were quickly becoming the norm.

ESWC did try its hand at this in 2015, running a COD-only tournament in May and a CS-only event in July (though they do deserve credit for continuing to support female Counter-Strike), but in October they were back to their Olympics-style approach. The list of games at the final event of 2015 paints a picture: FIFA, Women’s LoL (but no men), Trackmania, Shootmania and Just Dance. You might generously call it an eclectic mix, but I’d argue it’s a collection of games nobody else wanted.

ESWC’s website lists a highlight for every year. Usually it’s an iconic moment of game play, sometimes it’s the first use of a game on such a big stage. Tellingly, in 2015, they list the creation of France Esports. Sure, this was a big deal (probably), and it was headed up by Matthieu Dallon of ESWC, but this comes across as a tacit admission that nothing important happened at their own tournaments during that whole year.

In 2016, the spiral into irrelevancy was well underway. Another COD tournament in May was followed by a downsized October tournament. CS was back on the menu, but the list of entrants paints an ugly picture. Alternate Attax beat LDLC in the final – two teams who, in 2016, had no business being in an international final. They did have players who would go onto bigger things, but Attax has never qualified for a Major, before or since. They earned their victory, but it came against a very weak field.

Even more damning, though, is the fourth and final game on the list for that year: Clash Royale. The shark had well and truly been jumped. You can never recover your credibility after you take money from mobile games.

ESWC stumbled on for a few more years after that, but the list of titles became more and more muddled while the CS tournament became populated by fewer and fewer big names. ESWC Africa took place in December of 2018 – a Counter-Strike only tournament that was the last thing ESWC ever ran. While it was cool to see organisers creating tournaments outside of the usual esports hotbeds, it’s no surprise that ESWC disappeared shortly after that.

But the universe had a different fate in mind for ESWC. In 2024, it is being brought back to life in a hideous experiment, worthy of any Gothic Horror. It will return as a shell of its former self, bathed in riches it never had in its previous life, but devoid of all the glory and all the good will it had created over the years.

And yet, ESWC being bought out is nothing new. Behind the scenes, ownership changed several times of the years. Even the name was switched to Esports World Convention at some point – a fact I only learned during my research for this piece. Starting out as an expansion of Ligarena’s domestic LAN tournaments in France, Games-Solution bought the brand in 2009. They passed things onto Oxent in 2011 until Oxent itself was bought out by Webedia in 2016.

What is particularly interesting here is that Matthieu Dallon was in charge of Oxent, too. Despite the bankruptcy of his previous company, he clearly wanted to make his dream of an esports Olympics a reality. He could have easily disappeared into some or other other mundane business and I assume he would have had offers to join other esports organisations, but we chose to resurrect ESWC instead.

And then he sold it to Webedia.

Webedia is a lot of things. A kind of smorgasbord of “online stuff,” featuring typically, deliberately nebulous “Web3” concepts such as “Content Production,” “IP Development” and “Brand Partnership.” If you rolled your eyes at any or all of these phrases, you’re not alone. Essentially, their main role seems to be managing streamers and talent but their reach goes much wider than that. Indeed, esports is only the third entry on their “Webedia Networks” page, below Movies and Gaming. This is the company behind LFL’s broadcasts, however, so they do remain relevant in the esports community, at least in France.

Oh, and they shill NFTs because of course they do.

Is it a coincidence that the year ESWC became part of a larger media empire is the same year they moved into mobile gaming? Probably not. Mobile games, whatever you think of them, do make a lot of money. There’s an Always Sunny scene for every occasion, isn’t there? What do companies like Webedia make? Money, Charlie, they make money.

Still, it’s clear in retrospect that this was the beginning of the end for ESWC. What had started out in 2003 as a passion project based on a love of esports had turned into just another media asset. Viewed in that light, it’s almost sort of fitting that it has now become a sportswashing project – a sad but common arc in today’s hyper-capitalist world. Anything with positive emotional attachment can and will be commodified, either for money or PR, or, more commonly, both. Yes, I’m looking at you, football.

I remember when I first started writing about esports, people always talked about “going mainstream” as though it was a good thing. As though being popular and making money was what made something legitimate or worthwhile. The closer we got to that goal, the worse it seemed to me. ESWC’s fate – a once-loved institution of a small community turned into a heartless advertising entity for an oil state – is about as damning an indictment of that as you could wish to find. The delicious irony in all of this is that ESWC will lose money, and this is by design, but it will also lose the legitimacy it once had. Nobody who used to love ESWC in the early 2000’s will care about its new zombie form and many of them will boycott it, myself included.

ESWC died years ago as far as I’m concerned. The event by the same name later this year is nothing but the reanimated corpse of something that used to be great. The only DNA the two share is their scattergun approach to game selection, but even this is a perversion of the original goal. The old ESWC had to cast its net wide in order to make ends meet. The new monstrosity is just willing to throw money at anything that will buy its owners some positive publicity – a drop in the ocean of its owner’s obscene wealth.

[mademoiselle-cookie]

I hate to defend Peter B because he's far from my favorite character in this movie, and he's even questionable in this scene, but not for that.

Peter didn't trap Miles. Not willingly at least. He wanted to talk to Miles but Lyla managed to track them down (bc we know the Society tracks and monitors its members even without authorization). On the other hand, I don't know if Miguel knows that Peter was not at all trying to help them capture Miles.

It's obvious for 2 reasons: narration and logic.

Narration

First, the end.

If Peter wanted to trap Miles, willingly and clearly betraying him, then there's no reason the authors want him to be part of Gwen's group. Or for Gwen to want him in her group. It's a thing if he didn't betray him consciously - but just seek to help him and do the right thing (i.e. not destroying a universe) - but it's another to voluntarily choose to stab him in the back.

No one will give a "redemption" this quick to someone who behave like that. On the other hand, if he must above all question his philosophy rather than his actions, in these cases, it can pass (I still think it's a bit crappy, but that's not the point).

Secondly, if it was the authors' intentions, they would just have to show it. They wouldn't have shown Peter being shocked that Lyla announced that she had found them. His face would have been resigned, just like Jess when Gwen gets fired, because she knows what she's doing by refusing to intervene, she is not surprised.

Besides, Peter wouldn't have promised that he didn't know it was going to happen. Peter is not a liar, and he has no reason to do that when Miles is cornered. And he wouldn't panic. He's the man who's still able to kick ass after (during?) a big depression. He has no reason to act like that if he knows what's going on.

thirdly, it would have completely ruined the sincerity of the moment if it was only a manipulation to trap Miles. You can tell me that it's still a waste because they are interrupted and Miles feels betrayed. But no. Even knowing what's going on, seeing that scene again and its sincerity touch, and having it end like this is still tragic. On the other hand, if it is only a low manipulation, all the emotion disappears, and the spectator is just bitter during the whole scene. And that's clearly not the point. (even if the revelations that Miles is responsible for the birth of Mayday does not touch me, this scene remains strong after watching it many times)

Also, he didn't try to stop Miles when he's "discovered". He tried to talk to him. The one who stop the other? It's Miles. Someone with as much experience as Peter B could have outpaced a newbie like him, but he does absolutely nothing while his target is escaping.

Another small point but it's worth what it's worth. Peter is portrayed as a good father in the film. He wouldn't use his daughter as bait. He brings his daughter on a mission, yes, but it's used as a joke, it's not supposed to be taken seriously (even his wife doesn't care). He's in the same movie as a woman who fights while being heavily pregnant, which doesn't raise any concerns about the health of the baby either.

Logic

Why does Lyla audibly warn Peter? Plot reasons. There's no real logical reason behind Lyla's action, it just shifted the plot, to hell with logic. Miles need to think Peter betrayed him. Because really, if you tried to sneakily trap someone, do you think warning your target that he is cornered is a good method? In advance to give him time to escape?

And why bother to do that? Miles was hunted by the entire Spider-Society. Did he need to be trapped like that to be captured? Miles is a kid with a year of experience against hundreds of Spider-heroes, some with decades of experience. There is no need to corner Miles for the Society to get to him because the Society was already doing that.

When Peter makes the decision to use another method, it's not because he thinks that Miles will miraculously beat all this 'losers' (even though he doesn't yet know he has a plan, Miles seems to be content with flee). It's because he wants to convince him to not save his father. If Miles is no longer on the run, there's no more pursuit, and no need for violence. Period. He doesn't want Miles to get hurt and he think the Society is in the right. He had already managed to make him listen to reason before, so he was trying again.

Peter protested against Miles being locked up before the hunt, and he was glad he managed to trick Miguel on the train. It's not the bahavior of someone who really, really want him to be captured, to the point of betrayal.

Also, he never tried to immobilize Miles. Yes, he tried to give him his baby. But it's not a method to immobilize someone, at most to occupy his hands, so long as he keeps the baby. But if you want to immobilize someone, you IMMOBILIZE them. You tie it up with webs for example. LIKE IN THE FIRST MOVIE.

But no. Even though Peter nags him to take Mayday, Miles moves. He is free to move and he is looking for a solution to escape. Peter is not stupid, he sees that. He didn't corner Miles in the oven (?), Miles got in there on his own and the first thing he does is try to open the grill. Grill that he will indeed use to escape. I'm not going to be told that with the sources of information that Miguel has at his disposal, Peter couldn't have found a better place to corner Miles. Or that he doesn't have enough experience to drag him there.

Another small point, we agree that spider-senses react to danger. That's why Miles manages to run away from all his attackers. So if Peter wanted to cause him harm and Miles is using his spider-senses to the fullest, how did he manage to capture him and take him somewhere else? Because trapping him IS a danger for Miles. So why is it not reacting at all?

Y'ALL I'LL URGENTLY NEED YOUR IMPUT RIGHT NOW

BECAUSE LIKE AM I READING THIS WRONG

So in this scene:

Peter is consistently and very pressingly trying to get Miles to hold MayDay, before having a heart to heart with him.

When suddenly his watch says "We got your location, Peter."

DID YOU INTERPRET THIS AS INTENTIONAL OR NOT?

Since my first viewing, I believed it was fully intended and that Peter had alerted them that he was with Miles. I always assumed Peter was ratting him out.

But so far two people have told me they see this is accidental. Which shocked me. Do you think it's intentional, or a complete accident?

Here's why I think it was completely intentional:

So of course we begin the scene with Peter being VERY insistent that Miles hold his baby. Like.. uncomfortably consistent. He's deadset on getting Miles to hold Mayday. Insisting that it'll make everything okay.

They end up in a small enclosed area.

So they're in this enclosed space, and now Miles chances of escape drop dramatically. Going down seriously is the only way he can leave - and he can only do that if both his hands are free.

Peter knows for a fact if Miles is holding MayDay - 1) he can't swing and 2) he would never kidnap her.

I always interperted Peter's insistence not as a weird fatherly thing, but a ploy to get Miles to stay in one place.

In a space like this, Miles can't wallcrawl with a baby in his hands, and there's no place to swing, besides - Miles would never take her from her father anyway.

Plus there's the Lyla thing. Let me go on.

Peter gets down beside him, putting a hand on Miles trying to get his eye contact. And then MayDay attaches herself to Miles' arm. Peter is really close here - like MayDay doesn't have to lean much to cling on to him.

By the time he says 'And she happened-' MayDay is already on him, Miles just hadn't noticed yet. Peter isn't holding her anymore.

In one shot, MayDay is on the other side of Peter, then suddenly she's on Miles' arm. I assumed this was Peter putting MayDay on Miles, are at least getting her close enough to cling to him.

To me it looks like he literally passed her from one arm to the next in order to get her close to Miles.

Now Miles hands are full. He can't go anywhere. Now all Peter has to do is laugh and joke until they can get to him. Peter even judges the way Miles holds her - I assumed this was him trying to coax him into really holding her, calming down and not focus on leaving.

The better Miles grip on her is, the less likely he is too take off.

Right after this Lyla announces herself - saying "We got your location, Peter."

Now, I always took this as confirmation that yes, he set up Miles.

Why else would Lyla speak out loud to him if he's hadn't spoken to her first. If Peter didn't KNOW he was being tracked, why would Lyla just announce it to him suddenly? Her natural protocol probably would've been to just tell Miguel.

So I always saw Lyla speaking out loud like this as the sign that Peter spoke to HER first, letting her know to track his location, and believing it was safe to respond out loud, Lyla replied back.

Instead of Lyla just talking suddenly and giving Peter away.

As soon as this happened, I immediately understood why he was SO insistent on Miles holding MayDay and holding her well, and calming down.

Because he was intentionally trying to corner/ground him in time for The Society to get to him.

How else would they even know that he was with Miles - and to track HIM and not Gwen - unless he directly told them 'I have Miles with me.' someway?

From Day 1 I saw this as intentional, but I've seen multiple people now who believe it was an accident.

What do you believe? Cause I don't think Lyla would just speak out loud unprompted in a situation like this. To me I always saw it as her responding to Peter, AFTER Peter ratted Miles out.

I mean, look at Miles' face. He LOOKS betrayed. He LOOKS HURT.

Peter says he didn't know, but Miles doesn't believe that. Neither do I.

He says "I didn't know, I promise." But I was like-

Yeah sure, you didn't know the watch you've had for months and the sophisticated ass AI on it can track your location, sure bro.

Sure, Lyla just figured out on her own that you were with Miles and then decided to rat you out. Sure. Her voice recognition picked up Miles being there and she still spoke out loud uh-huh. STFU.

You not making no sense bro CAP. STOP THE CAP!!!!

Like...... Seriously, how else would Lyla know to ping Peter's location, other than him telling her. It's just him and MILES!!!!!

I don't know. That how I always read the situation.

And Peter using his baby to manipulate and corner Miles like that - It DO NOT sit right with me. It don't matter of face I'm sick to MY STOMACHHHHHHH!!!

But maybe I'M the one bugging. If I'm reading this wrong but who knows bit if he deadass ratted him out.....guitar. guitar. Hobie, the guitar!!!!

But how do you read this scene, you think he did it on purpose or nah?

Cause Lyla announcing herself like that is mad random unless he spoke to her first. She could have found him and told Miguel, but I feel like she told Peter too because he actively requested he be tracked.

Hm. HMMMM.

Thoughts, ya'll? We think he did it or nah? Let's hear what the audience thinks fr fr

[spnshameblog]

Look, i'm just here to have a good time, i just wanna get through the day by looking at cas and developing brand new disorders. But the unmistakable stench of ~discourse~ is wafting over my quaint little eremitage and bc i know that i have been in fandom spaces longer than some of you (and appropriately ashamed of it) i wanna share some pretty solid red flags to look out for:

1. People insisting that a fandom is drama free. Thats just never true and the people saying this are usually the centre of all drama.

2. People trying to keep a fandom "drama free" at all costs. Sometimes discussions need to be had and people need to be called out. Stifling conflict at all costs mostly hurts minorities in fandom spaces, bc its usually their valid criticism of racist/homophobic tropes and behaviour that gets supressed. Insisting everyone be nice to each other at all times is a sign of immense privilege and ignorance.

3. Fandom moms. Specifically older fandom members wanting to show newer/younger members the ropes, telling them who they can interact with and who is "bad news". (Yes i fully get the irony of me making this post.) This is sometimes used maliciously to groom younger or underage fandom members.

4. People starting drama for shits and giggles and then acting like a victim when people get angry at you. Sometimes a little drama is funny and often its necessary, but ppl specifically starting drama for attention so they can then act like a victim in front of their followers are weird.

5. People bringing the "tumblr discourse of the day" into fandom spaces. This is happening less and less as twitter is replacing tumblr as the discourse oven, but i vividly remember someone posting "bucky barnes hates ace people :)" a few years back and im begging yall not to bring back this shit.

6. People having extreme parasocial relationships with actors/creators. Look, we all have parasocial relationships, theres no need to deny this. Thats what celebrities are for lmao. They post shit and interact with fans for this specific reason, theorising and talking about them is perfectly normal. Moderation is key. Its perfectly fine to try and connect dots between the bits of information they choose to share with us, whats not fine is prying into their personal lives and publishing private stuff they didnt activelly publish themselves. You shouldnt kid yourself into believing you actually know anything about them. Also like.... have a little restraint lmao. Just because a person doesnt immediately react negatively or dismissive when you ask them inappropriate stuff doesnt mean theyre ok with it lol. Especially if their livelihood depends on people liking them. Posting weird shit on tumblr is FINE, everyone knows this and theyre not looking here unless they want to see it. But for the love of fuck dont send them this shit on twitter.

Now, some of these are immediate dealbreakers and some of these are perfectly fine on their own and all of these exist on a spectrum. Most ppl in fandom are at least partially "guilty" of some of these. I sure as hell have started a little drama here and there and i know that simply making this post puts me in fandom mom territory. Its about the dosage, you know?

Oh yeah and shipping inc*st is bad, i dont know why we're having a discussion about this.

[beacon-lamp]

with hermitcraft season 7 slowly coming to an end, i figured it was time to consolidate all of the Informative Posts about hermitcraft that i and some of the other members of hermitblr have made over the last several months.

if you enjoy:

minecraft youtube content, but want to see more traditional vanilla minecraft gameplay like building and redstone

fun, lighthearted interactions between genuine friends including Elaborate pranks, collaborating on massive projects, light roleplay, proximity voice chat mod

weekly 20 - 40 minute long youtube videos and consistent upload schedules

chill grind stream weekends where CCs interact with chat and each other

an entire youtube channel dedicated to weekly 20-minute recap videos on what all the hermits have been up to so you don’t have to piece it together from the posts on your dash/timeline

insanely talented people who have been doing mcyt for nearly, if not more than, a decade and essentially built minecraft youtube from the ground up

give hermitcraft a try!  

you will find all of the information you will Ever Need below the cut.  it’s Very Long so view it on desktop.

and if you ever have any more questions, just shoot me an ask :)

what is hermitcraft?

the Basics: what, who, where, how

more details on the Basics

bonus: the historical impact many hermitcraft members have had on mcyt

where do i even start watching?

start with grian.

good mix of Incredible builds and fun server shenanigans.  instigator of many server-wide events.  interacts with many other hermits.  generally entertaining to watch.  but zero redstone knowledge.

check out hermitcraft recap.

great way to be introduced to other hermits and learn what everyone’s up to.  if you find what a hermit’s been working on interesting, go watch their video and maybe give them a like and subscribe.

official hermitcraft website with links to every member’s channel

more information on every hermit’s attributes and general vibes

do hermits every stream?

short answer: yes, most do!  but these streams are mostly chill grinding or buildling streams.  and you don’t have to watch the streams to be caught up on content.  check the official hermitcraft website for each member’s twitch links.

long answer that covers most of the hermits

what do they do on hermitcraft?

let’s start with some examples of their incredible builds.

hermit cribs: some of the megabases in s7

goodtimeswithscar’s s7 magical village with shaders

stressmonster’s bakery and ren’s star wars world

Capitalism

they have a shopping district where hermits can set up shops and sell items and resources that other hermits can buy with diamonds.  here’s season 7 shopping district set on a mooshroom island:

some of the most advanced redstone you’ve ever seen

if you’re more into the technical side of minecraft, you can be rest assured that hermitcraft has some of the Biggest Brains in redstone.

tangotek: a fucking madlad.  Singled-handedly created the minigame Decked Out.  im Begging you to watch his tutorial video on how to play.  currently finishing up his Among Us but in minecraft minigame. all of this was built Entirely in survival vanilla minecraft.  get this man to 1M subscribers.

mumbo jumbo: the man himself.  built a 128 x 128 block industrial district in both season 6 and 7 packed to the Brim with mechanical farms.  half the brain behind the masterpiece of engineering that was Sahara in season 6.  currently working on Pacific, the sequel to Sahara, in season 7.

iskall85: the other half of the brain behind Sahara and working on Pacific with mumbo in season 7.  also has an industrial district like mumbo’s in season 7.

xisuma: built an automatic potion brewer in the second half of season 7.  this thing churns out potions by the Shulker Box.  can also turn a shulker box full of potions into splash potions and extend duration all with a press of a button.

impulseSV: incredible example of form + function.  farms are scattered throughout his base.  he has a farm for nearly every farmable resource in vanilla minecraft.

etho: the pioneer of some of the most widely used redstone mechanisms to date.  content isn’t super redstone-focused.  mostly does compact modules that serve a specific function.

zedaph: makes strange contraptions.  he’s basically if grian knew how to redstone.  impeccable vibes and fairly underrated.

bdoubleo100: he occassionally does this segment called “redstone with bdubs” and it’s the only redstone i understand so that’s why he’s here.

what about roleplay?  and lore?  

yeah they have Plenty of that too.  

it generally comes in the form of self-contained storylines that involve most members on the server and take place over the course of several weeks in multiple videos.  it’s fairly light roleplay, if that’s not your thing.  but the plotlines also have a Massive Potential to be angsty and whatnot if you really look into it, which a lot of people also do.

here’s a more in-depth look into the Major Plotlines over the last 2 seasons (season 6 and 7).  huge spoiler warning though.

um also there’s this post that highlights how truly cursed hermitcraft can be if you dig deep enough hahaha.

so do the hermits only make hermitcraft content?

nope!!  many of them are involved in other mcyt content as well and are friends with other prominent members of the mcyt community!!  

MCC

mcc9 blue bats video essay: the time the hermit team won the whole damn competition.  a wonderfully made video worth Every second of your time.  especially if you don’t typically watch the hermit teams.

falsesymmetry: mcc10 ace and mcc’s First Back-to-Back Winner

lord grian dreamslayer: that time grian Popped Off, killing dream, tubbo, and fundy in mcc9 survival games

Vault Hunters

a modded minecraft server coded entirely by iskall85′s team.  all the content is streamed live on twitch.  

current members are: Iskall85, AntonioAsh, Stressmonster101, HBomb94, CaptainSparklez, Fundy, CaptainPuffy, 5UP and Tubbo

more info on the series 

3rd Life SMP

hardcore minecraft server with a twist that started on 4/20/21.  all content is posted to each member’s respective youtube channels.

every member has 3 lives, as indicated by the color of their name: green for 3 lives left, yellow for 2, red for 1.  if they lose all three lives, they can only spectate the world (like in hardcore mode).  the series ends when all members have lost all three lives.

the twist: once a member is on their 3rd and final life, as indicated by a red name, they are Hostile and their goal is to take the lives of the remaining players.

the members (hermits are italicized): BdoubleO100, bigbst4tz2, Etho, GoodTimesWithScar, Grian, impulseSV, InTheLittleWood, Renthedog, Skizzleman, Smajor1995, Smallishbeans, SolidarityGaming, Tango, ZombieCleo

the tumblr tag for 3rd Life is “#3rdLife”, “#3rdLifeSMP” and “#3LSMP” if you wanna see more content, as it’s Not supposed to be cross-tagged with “#hermitcraft”.

do you have any free serotonin to spare?

here’s a bunch of posts that’ll make you smile

scar’s friendship with a bunch of the hermits

grian, false, cleo, bdubs, iskall: why they deserve so much respect

same post as above but with an addition about ren

small hermit things that give you serotonin

why you should watch tfc

if you’ve made it this far you are Contractually Obligated* to watch one (1) hermitcraft episode and reblog this post.

*for legal reason, this is a joke.  you’re not contractually obligated but consider this: Please. i spent way too much time on this.

shoutout to everyone who’s posts i’ve linked and anyone who has helped answer a question about hermitcraft.  this all started because i was frustrated that people were writing the hermits off as cannon fodder in mcc and im genuinely so glad that many of you have given hermitcraft a shot.

[absolutelyfizzing]

unwanted feelings

james potter x reader

description - You'd had a crush on James Potter for years and when he kisses Lily Evans in front of you, you are heart broken. Later you find that he didn't actually feel as you expected and he explains himself.

warnings - some angst, unsure reader, fem pronouns, self doubt, negative self talk, not eating for a day cause reader is avoiding someone

word count - 2800

A/N - so this one isn't my best work by far but i wrote it so looks like its getting posted. i don't know why all of my reader inserts lately are so fem and sort of bubbly, i guess it's sort of what i'm aiming for for myself right now but i'm sorry if it maybe isn't coming off as relatable.

MASTERLIST

Your throat tightened in anxiety as you watched James zoom around the pitch. He was reckless when he was playing quidditch and it was one of the things that made him great at the game and an excellent captain. It was also the thing that nearly gave you a heart attack every time you watched him play. You went to every one of his games and you always wore something of his with his colors when you were in the stands. You were stood up on your seat and a slightly bored looking Remus sat to your right, reading from a book you didn't recognize. You'd thought that Sirius playing would be enough to keep him interested but sports was just not something he enjoyed watching. You were usually that way as well but whenever James was playing, suddenly you were the most intent spectator in the stands.

You were more worried than you should have been. More worried than what was appropriate for a friend to be. That's what you were, friends. That had been reinforced many times by the shaggy haired boy and you tried desperately to get it through your head before you embarrassed yourself one of these days. Sometimes though, you just couldn't help it.

Really you might have thought he reciprocated if you didn't know any better. You often got comments on what an attractive couple you guys were but each time it was quickly corrected by James. Normally along the lines of 'Oh god no, we are just friends. Purely platonic' , sometimes followed by a shudder or a gag even. It upset you every time to no end but you played along. You rarely, if ever, contributed to the shooting down of any feelings but that was never noticed by the man you had feelings for.

You'd had a crush on him since you were probably in your second year and now you were coming to the middle of your seventh. There were a million times that you almost said something but every time there was a reminder that you were not the one he had eyes for. It usually took the shape of disgust at the thought of dating you or commentary as he pined over the Evans girl who you felt you could never compete with. How could you when she was just perfect. You saw her to the left of you as she stood in the stands as well and your hands shook with insecurity before looking back toward the game. Your heart raced nearly as quickly as James did around the pitch and you prayed that the snitch would be caught soon so that you could get rid of the stress surrounding you. You felt a hand on your right shoulder and you looked over to find Remus had stood and was looking at you caringly.

"Are you alright, Y/N?" He asked softly and you tried your very best to soften your gaze and calm your stance so you appeared less concerned with someone that you shouldn't have that much interest in in the first place.

"Of course I am. When am I not?" You smiled before looking out at the pitch.

"When youre watching the guy you're in love with play a dangerous game that you don't like." He stated simply in response to the question you meant to be rhetorical and your eyes widened.

"I don't know what youre talking about." You nearly whispered and Remus smiled.

"I'm not gonna tell anyone Y/N but its not exactly subtle. It probably doesn't help that I know the look on your face because it's how I feel too watching Sirius play." He was still smirking but your anxiety was far from eased.

"Oh god, does he know?" You asked scaredly, terrified that the answer would be yes and you would have to stop spending time with him.

"Shockingly, no." You sighed out in relief but Remus continued. "You should tell him though or else he might end up moving on."

"What do you mean? There's nothing for him to move on from. Everyone knows he's in love with Evans and he has made it pretty clear that he is opposed to being anything more than a friendly relationship with me." You choked out, struggling with the words leaving your lips but knowing them to be true.

"I mean he has a minor crush on Evans but it's nothing compared to the annoyingly huge crush he has on you. He's probably just overcompensating for the fact that he's insecure and doesn't want you to reject him."

"Why are you telling me this?" You asked sincerely. You were friends with Remus as you were with the rest of the marauders but it was nothing compared to the friendship they held within their group. You knew Remus was more loyal to James than to you so you couldn't understand why, if it was true, Remus would be telling you at all.

"Because he is trying desperately to move on seeing as he is under the impression that you aren't into him and I'd hate to see him throw something away that could be really good for him." Remus smiled gently and you looked at him gratefully.

"I really appreciate you telling me and all but I just don't think I can believe you. I can't even count how many times he has made a big show of not liking me. I love him too much to ruin what we have and I know that if I confessed and it went bad that I would lose him all together. I would rather have him in my life in a way that hurts than not have him in it at all." You stated sadly and Remus sighed but nodded in understanding.

"I get it but just know that I'm being honest and pretty soon he is going to give up on it. I just want to see you both happy but if its too big of a leap, I understand. That's exactly the excuse he tells the rest of us too."

Suddenly cheers erupted from the stands, cutting your conversation with Remus off as everyone ran to rush the pitch. The snitch had been caught and gryffindor won. You were excited for James but you were also a little terrified to walk onto the pitch to see him with the now conflicted thoughts running through your head. Your thoughts were stopped by the image in front of you which was causing the whole crowd to cheer. James had pulled Lily Evans into a kiss in his excitement and your heart stopped. You felt nausea rise in your throat and Remus caught your eye with a sympathetic look. You didn't look at him for longer than a second and you ran off the pitch with tears streaming down your face. You found your way up to your dorm, pushing yourself to get there quickly before the common room filled with students celebrating their victory. James was always one to love attention so he would be getting crazy after the game which he did just about every time they won.

When you made it to your bed, you hurried under the covers, throwing the shirt you were wearing which belonged to James onto the floor. You felt your heart clench at the despair you felt. You wanted to be upset at Remus for getting your hopes up but you knew he was sincere in his want to help. Still you felt that you would probably not be able to face James in the weeks to come. Maybe, given a little time, you could be around him and not be upset at the world for taking away your chance with him. As you laid in your bed, you stared at the ceiling. You felt tears streaming down your face and you grew angry at yourself. He didn't owe you anything, he wasn't into you. That wasn't his fault and it was so unfair of you to expect anything more from him when your feelings were not his responsibility.

You weren't sure how long you laid there but you could hear the party start and end in the common room. It must have been late. Sleep wouldnt come though, you could just feel your heart continue to break and you were stuck in a loop of self pity. You made the decision that the following days would be spent away from James if you could at all help it. That was probably what he wanted anyway and it was the only way that you would get over the pain you were feeling. At some point your roomates entered your dorm and sleep overtook you for a few restless hours.

When you woke up, the sun was barely on the rise. You hurried up and got dressed and ready. You were planning on getting to breakfast early to avoid running into any of the marauders. You found your plans were not going how you wanted when you entered the great hall to find a head of red hair next to a mop of black. Your throat tightened and you quickly moved to turn and head out of the great hall. You heard a familiar voice call your name but you rushed out before you could give it too much thought. You knew that if you let him try to convince you, you would end up having a very upsetting breakfast with your best friend and his new lover. You would rather avoid breakfast.

Throughout the day, avoiding James was proving to be harder than you had thought it would be. You had many of your classes with him and you even sat next to him in a few. He was insistently trying to get you to open up about why you were suddenly so closed off to him but you remained shut off, reassuring him that nothing was wrong and you were just a little tired from the game the day before. You avoided lunch for the same reason as you had avoided breakfast and you felt yourself starting to get a bit lightheaded. Your afternoon was spent avoiding James but soon he was preoccupied with Lily anyway.

You were hid in a corner of the library when a cough alerted you of someone's presence. You looked up to find the very eyes you hadn't wanted to see.

You pushed it down with a gulp and smiled a bit at him, trying desperately to keep the tears at bay but they were growing harder to hold back after keeping everything pent up all day. It probably didn't help that you were hungry and therefor a bit more emotional. You could feel the tears sitting in your eyes, waiting for something to go wrong so they had an excuse to escape you.

"I don't know what I did wrong." He mumbled while looking at the floor in front of you and you took a deep breath.

"There's nothing wrong James, I promise. It's just been a long day." You smiled and your heart picked up speed.

"Since when did we lie to each other?" He questioned and your heart stopped. You were left unsure how to respond.

"Since the truth would cause more damage than good." You spoke honestly. At this he looked up at you and your eyes met. A tear left you and James immediately moved to comfort you but you tried to move away, standing quickly to evade him. You regretted it as spots filled your vision, the lack of food catching up to you. You know that you turned a bit green for a moment because James looked slightly scared.

"Y/N I dont know whats wrong but you look like you should be getting to the hospital wing. You don't look well."

Before you could answer you felt your vision blacken and your legs give out before your consciousness left you completely.

When you woke up, you knew you were in the hospital wing. It smelled sterile and the bed was stiff underneath you. When you started to wake madam pomfrey came to check on you.

"You can't go around with an empty stomach like that again, do you hear me?" She scolded, though her eyes were soft. You nodded solemnly. "I was alerted that you hadn't been to the great hall to eat all day, you have to know that isn't good for you. I'm gonna have a prefect watch out for you the next couple days to make sure you're eating at meal times. Understood?" She asked again and once more you nodded before leaning back and sighing. You looked at your surroundings and were surprised to see the black haired boy next to your bed fast asleep. Your heart took off again and you felt trapped by your environment. As anxiety swirled around in your chest, James had woken up a bit.

"You're awake." James sighed, laced with relief. You still wouldn't make eye contact with him.  You felt the bed dip as he sat on it and you looked up to watch him put his head in his hands as he leaned over. You felt guilt fill your chest more than it already had from hating that you felt any claim over the man in front of you. You knew you were in the wrong and the last thing you wanted was to cause him any pain. "Remus talked to me." He almost whispered.

At that moment, you wished you could have apparated to anywhere else in the world. You looked back down at your lap and tears were once again brought to your eyes. You felt betrayal that Remus would reveal your feelings to James.

"I'm sorry." You apologized and you fiddled with your fingers.

"Why are you the one apologizing, I'm the one whos behaved poorly." He assures and you shake your head.

"That's not fair to yourself. You're allowed to want to be with whomever you want and my feelings should have no effect on that. You've made it clear for years that you weren't interested in me and it is my fault that I couldn't take a hint. I'm so sorry." You gushed out and tears started to fall from your eyes. You felt James get up from your bed and you prepared him to leave but instead you felt arms wrap around you and a kiss came to your head.

"Y/N I have had feelings for you for years. I was just always too scared for myself to even consider that you might feel the same." He whispered out but you felt only a different kind of pain. Even though he had now admitted his feelings, he was still dating Lily. Not you. Almost as if he could hear your thoughts he spoke quietly. "I broke it off with Evans." You pulled away immediately.

"What? Why would you do that?" You asked quickly and before he had a chance to answer you feared the worst. "Oh god is it because of me? James please dont let my feelings have any bearing on who you want to date, I can't stand the thought of being the reason you broke up. Even if we do have feelings for each other, you deserve a chance with Lily if that's what you want."

"It was mutual, actually. She understood that I had feelings for you and she said she had a crush on someone else. It just seemed like I had kissed her a bit rashly on the quidditch pitch and we agreed that we shouldn't have gotten together in the first place. It was only a day anyway." He reassured as he explained himself and you calmed a bit.

"So what does this mean." You got out, almost inaudibly.

"It means that, if you'll have me, I'd like to take you out on a date." He stated as if it were the simplest thing in the world and you almost couldn't believe your ears. Before you were even thinking you were nodding quickly, causing spots to once again fill your vision and James grabbed your shoulders to stabilize you before you both laughed. He pulled you by your shoulders toward him and he caught your lips in a kiss that somehow expressed all of the years of repressed feelings. When he pulled away he smiled at you and sat back on your bed. He spent the rest of the day with you in the hospital wing talking about all of the places he was going to take you in the coming weeks.

[of-substandard-parts-a]

Lore nodded frantically in the affirmative; this was her fault. What had she expected would happen? He’d been offline, disassembled for years, and during the years he had been an operational android, he had endured the unjustified wrath of innumerable humans, and as for starships, the last time he found himself aboard a Federation vessel, his brother, his own damned brother, had transported him out into the vacuum of space, to languish, to perish, because it was the most convenient solution, the only solution. To him, the deployed response had seemed reasonable, logical; he was merely trying to defend himself, to preserve himself, to evade incarceration, to evade torture by being discarded, by being diminished to interstellar debris, like many a battle-worn ship before him...

Exasperation conquered his sentiments, and he huffed indignantly, his chartreuse eyes rolling upwards in their sockets to emphasise his agitation with her, with her fallacious inferences. The android wanted to interpolate a synopsis of his cognitive processes, to elucidate why he had selected this specific itinerary opposed to approaching this situation like a sagacious, superior being. Vexation carpeted his synthetic features, his light brows twisted into a scowl as he parted his lips to retort, to verbally incapacitate her. Unfortunately, the Starfleet officer intervened in their rapidly escalating conversation, which caused Lore to raise a stronghold of preservation again, the grip on the shrapnel intensified, the razor-sharp edge gouging the epidermal layer of the bioplast laminating his palm.

Though his optical components remained trained on the Starfleet officers, no blink interfered with the concentrated look he employed to pin them down, to follow their every move, in his mind Soji’s words were reiterated, non-stop. People had endeavoured to terminate her when they'd learnt of her abilities, of her nature? Well, at least that was a mutual affliction they could bond over...

The verdict that ensued was one he had not anticipated, not in a million years. They pardoned his destructive comportment? Released him without trail, without severe reprimand? That was a first... Several seconds elapsed before the realisation had been adequately translated to intelligible language and placated his neurotic propensities. The tension in his myomer muscles gradually dissipated, ebbed away at a pace that coincided with him lowering the arm that wielded the fragment of duranium plating. The grip he exercised on the resilient material eventually abated and he tossed it, rather unceremoniously, to the ground where it joined its fallen brethren.

For several moments, Lore could do nothing but stare at the Starfleet officers that worked on the doors, his mind drifting, trying to encompass the gravity of this peculiar, yet fortunate conclusion to his roguery, his attempt at homicide... It wasn’t until Soji greeted him that his attention snapped back to her, his visual sensors examined her features fastidiously — she did not resemble Data, nor him for that matter. A mild inquisitive furrow moved the micro-muscles in his synthetic skin, his head uncharacteristically twitched to the side while he attempted to fathom what the hell had just transpired — it was becoming tremendously challenging to wrap his cluttered head around all of this.

‘I’m Lore,’ he replied, his maladroit behaviour aligning with hers — if he’d been a mere spectator, he was positive that this exchange of words in combination with their physically disarranged deportment would’ve looked extraordinarily comical. ‘Yeah, wild...

‘So... Do I apologise? even though it was, technically, your own fault that I punched you in the face... and... subsequently, sent you on a trajectory... to the other side of the room...’ Lore added after an awkward intermission of silence.

"Hang on, how is this my fault?" Soji snapped and broke line of sight with Seven et all so she could twist and look back at him. He was looming over her with a jagged, razor sharp piece of twisted metal. He had clearly been prepared to shiv her, but now had started using it to gesture at the room.

"I wasn't the one who hopped up, sealed us in, and then started venting the air!" Soji argued back, hoarse voice bolstered with her sudden acute offense.

Reducing the cart to shrapnel had delayed the officers and, shockingly, had seemed to reset the scenario for everyone involved. Seven made a gesture to the security team and they turned their attention to forcing the doors apart. The farther they wedged them open, the more light and air flooded in, which was great for her. She wanted to yell right back at him and now she could actually see him while she did.

"Sorry," Soji added with a heavy dose of sarcasm and held her hands up in mock surrender, a gesture she had not once offered while they were fighting. "But usually when people find out what I am they tend to try even harder to kill me. Announcing my lineage is not generally my go to--"

"Alright--enough!"

Soji's tirade was derailed as Seven let out a sharp, loud whistle. Soji whipped back around and drew her amrs back up, fully prepared to defend Lore. Seven gave her the most exhausted and unamused look from her place in the doorway. However, to Soji's surprise, she did lower her rifle. "Argue in medbay and stop bleeding everywhere," Seven ordered and stared at Soji in a very pointed way that brooked very little disagreement.

"So…" Soji asked tentatively and Seven let out a heavy sigh.

"I don't have time for this," Seven said, mostly to herself. "Fine. We won't shoot him. He stays off the computer, and you both stop destroying my ship. We'll figure this out later."

"Yeah, sure, deal--" Soji agreed readily and her posture dropped to a tired slouch with her relief. Seven was, in Soji's experience at least, a reliable person with a flexible ethical code. Picard might be hardline about Lore, Crusher was paranoid about everyone, but Seven would let this (and by extension Lore) go. "We're en route to the fleet museum," Seven announced in dry monotone and gestured at the both of them as she left. "Solve this before we get there. I'll be on the bridge." The security officers who'd levered the doors open were making an effort to get a panel on the far wall off, probably looking for the emergency release so they could seal this room. Whatever, their rifles were slung around their backs and powered down, Soji could care less what they were doing. She summarily ignored them and turned back to Lore, mood defused with the power of her relief. And now, without adrenaline, Soji had no idea what to say. "Uh...Hi?" she hazarded. "I'm Soji...I'm a synth and Data was my dad. So you're my uncle. Weird, right?"

Clearly she had not inheirited Data's eloquence.