#there are definitely more but I forgot to ss them :(

[a-cloud-for-dreams]

The way this game never fails to boost my ego

10 Random Favorite Screenshots from The Elementalists

[sadrockandwaltzes]

Just me making (sort of unfair) digs at Jim Gordon's love life from 16 episodes into Gotham (Sorry Jim☹️) So spoilers up till that point😅

Jim really isn't made for this whole relationship biz huh😅

He's too brave for Barbara and not brave enough for Lee

He wants to work 23/7 whenever he gets a call but also have someone who will be there to spend time with him that last hour of the day, but not waiting desperately for him so that he's not nagged. He doesn't feel comfortable doing his work with them around, and basically seems to enjoy the single life more than anything...

So either stay single, long distance date, or date Bullock, since he's already used to working with him (except something tells me he'd get uncomfortable with him on police calls too if they got together, proving that dating coworkers is a dangerous thing...)

Well the last paragraph's mostly a joke but I assume since Barbara and him are end game that she'll stay out of his police work and cool down emotionally, and he'll stop looking for someone braver and be happy with a girlfriend who's totally uninvolved in his life. WHICH- what does Barbara do??? She's rich enough to afford the penthouse suite?? But we've NEVER seen her work, and her fam seems to not ever want to see her. Do they send a check in the mail once a month??

Oh and unrelated but I met the Joker!! Kinda like him ngl. Time will tell if that stands...

[strawberrypoundtown]

Orc x Halforc!Fem!Reader: Part 2

After returning to your tent, you attempt to sneak off to let off some steam. However, you get caught quickly and things escalate from there...

Contains: pregnancy risk, breeding kink, chasing, wrestling, pinning, physical restraining, degradation, spanking, biting

'Fuck, shit, god I can't do this. I have to think of something.'

You were more than a little embarrassed and flustered as you laid in your bed, pretending to be asleep. After finding out Gan was going to be the one watching over you, you had no idea what to think. You tried to play off your short circuit brain and after some small talk excusedyourself to go lay down, saying you had a headache. How were you supposed to find a mate when Gan is the one watching over you? Whenever he was around, you were a puddle. You couldn't think of any person you wanted as your mate other than him. He was the best option, surely. Your brother may not be keen on the idea, but the rest of your family would think he would be the best option for you.

The only issue was that you didn't know if he would even hope to feel the same way about you. He always treated you with nothing but respect and kindness, but something about it felt much more withdrawn compared to when he would act similarly with other females in the clan. He would seem to be more playful, flirty even. He was already almost 26, just a couple years older than you. He never seemed to want anything serious from what you had heard. Oh no. Maybe he only saw you as a sister? Maybe he just wasn't the type to want a mate?

You rolled onto your back and let out a sigh. You needed to let off some steam. You had to get out of here. You rubbed your eyes before carefully sitting up. Gan was right outside your tent. He at least let you have that much privacy, but it was almost worse that he was right there. You wanted him to walk in and take you already. You wanted his strong hands to hold you down and give you his big, hard cock. You wanted him to fill you with his cum. To make you all his. That would definitely help you relax.

A gruff cough outside your tent broke you out of your horny daze, bringing you back to reality. You had to think of a way to get out of here. You needed to get away from Gan without him knowing. You can't think straight with him right there.

You could sneak out from behind your tent easily. You had a flap on your tent behind a chest, but someone might see you run off. You had to peak and see if anyone was there first, but Gan might hear you moving things and wonder what's going on. You sat on the edge of your bed as you pondered your options. You got up and snatched a smaller letter opener from your desk. You walk over to the chest and carefully using the sharp end to cut a small slit in the tent, just big enough to peak through.

You mentally pat yourself on the back for your creativity. You could sew it up if anyone noticed it anyways. At least that was one issue solved. You take a quick look out the small hole and didn't see anyone. Perfect. Time to try and move the chest in front of the escape spot as quietly as possible.

"(Y/n)?" You heard from outside your tent just ss you were about to stsrt moving the chest. The from entrance, thankfully. It was Gan. You loved it when he said your name. You sighed and figured it would be better to walk over the entrance. Maybe you could get him distracted with something else.

"Yes Gan?" You say as you opened the flaps of your tent, closing them behind you as you stepped out and stared up at Gan. He stared down at you and rolled his eyes.

"I was just going to ask how you were feeling. Were you thinking of going on a walk?" He said with a bit more sass in his voice than you were comfortable with. However, you face remained unfazed as you rolled your eyes yourself.

"No. I was actually going to ask if you could get me an apple. I'm a bit hungry and forgot to grab anything earlier." You asked him, genuinely a bit hungry, but you could easily find food outside of camp. You knew where the apple trees were. "Please?" You said, with a small pout. How could he say no to that face?

"Fine. Just don't go anywhere." He grumbled after a long pause. He avoided your gaze as he walked off towards the food tent. Now with Gan out of the way, you could slip out the back without anyone noticing. I mean, Gan would notice when he got back, but what was he gonna do? Tell your parents?

You quickly went back inside your tent, moving the chest out of the way before quickly peaking through the hole again. After making sure the path was clear, you lifted the flap and started to move through it. However, fate was not on your side.

"Hey (Y/n), I'm back with your app-" Gan freezes as he walks through the entrance of your tent, thrown off at first when he sees you halfway through a random hole in your tent. "What the-" you don't give him enough time to react, diving through the hole and bolting to the forrest. The advantage of being a bit smaller is that you were quick on your feet. "Ah fuck!" He yells in frustration, needing to go the long way around the tent.

You were already just a blurr in the distance by the time he got around the tent, but he could still see you. He chuckles to himself and takes off his armor and weapons, leaving them against your tent before running after you. He might not have been fast, but he was more known for his endurance... in more ways than one. He'd catch up to you eventually.

You were running as fast as you could, dodging and weaving between the trees. You were hoping you were losing him, but everytime you looked back, you kept seeing him in the distance. Why was he chasing you? He was always able to keep a pretty good pace with you, but in that moment you kinda hated him for it. Or did you love it? He could catch you so easily. Maybe he would claim you as his once he catches you. Or maybe he'd punish you? You couldn't tell which idea excited you more, but you couldn't focus on that right now!

You nearly trip on a tree root, jumping out of the way so you miss it, but not realizing the hill drop next to you. You yelp and stumble a bit, nearly falling, but you manage to catch yourself on a tree and pull yourself back. You use the second to catch your breath and stabilize yourself. You're about to start running again when you don't hear anyone behind you anymore... or see anyone for that matter. There was no way you lost hik that easily

For such a large man, he had managed to hide himself easily in the dense trees, his dark green skin helping him blend into the scenery as he moved between the foliage. He didn't understand why his heart was racing so much. Or why he felt himself getting excited as he got closer to catching you. He wanted to catch you and claim you. He wanted to make sure no other man would dare look at his mate. He wanted you as his mate. His one and only. He just had no clue how to do that. Maybe chasing you and getting you alone would help...

His footsteps quickened as he had heard you yelp, so he was fairly close to you, but he didn't see the edge of the hill. As your back was turned, he decided that tackling you would be the best way to capture you.

"Found you." He growled ominously before jumping out from around a tree. You screamed out and tried to dodge, but the attempt was futile. His arms wrapped around you, pulling you close to him as he waited for you guys to hit solid ground. But he quickly realized that he had made a mistake as you both started to tumble down the large hill. He had managed to keep you mostly protected throughout the fall, but had hit a tree and lost his grip on you, sending you tumbling your own way down the hill. You both landed at the bottom with a soft thud

He groaned in pain as he sat up, rubbing his head. He checked his body quickly, and other than a few scratches, he was fine. He looked around for you a bit panicked. He didn't know how far away you could have gotten. Thankfully, he spotted you only a few feet away, but noticed you were laying motionless on the ground. His blood ran cold as he rushed to your side, fearing the worst.

"Oh my god, (Y/n)!" He shouts as he turns you onto your back, only to be met by a swift, solid punch to his jaw from below. He groans in pain and turns away from you. After delivering the punch, you quickly get up and jump on his shoulders. You clamp your legs around his neck in a firm hold, causing him to fall backwards as he grabs at your thighs. It was like you were trying to kill him, but not because of lack of oxygen. If he didn't get out from between your thighs soon, he wouldn't be able to get away.

"Why were you following me?!" You yelled, not letting up on your grip. He could still breathe, but barely. He kept struggling, trying to get away from you before he got an erection. He had never had you do this to him like this before and he was enjoying it way more than he should. However, his struggling was causing his head to rub against your pussy through your clothes. You tighten your grip with your legs to try and get him to stop moving. "S-stop making this difficult and tell me why you followed me!" You yelled at him, letting out a soft sigh under your breath as he finally stopped struggling. You lightened your grip slightly to let him answer.

"I-I... don't... know... I... wanted... to.." He still struggled to speak because of her thighs, but she heard him. She let go of him, leaving him laying on the ground as he struggled to catch his breath. "I... didn't want you... to be alone out here..." He added between breaths, finally able to breathe normally for a few moments. However, he quickly couldn't breathe again as you jumped on his neck, your legs wrapping around his head once again, but from the front this time.

"I can take care of myself!" You yelled in frustration, your legs tight around his head, his face buried against your clothed pussy. He didn't dare move or breathe this time, hyper aware of every muscle in his body. You didn't think about what you did until after it was already done. You felt your core getting hot as you felt his tusks against your inner thighs, your face heating up. This felt like some sort of weird dream. Why did you do that?

He had to think of a way out of this before he passed out. His heart raced as he struggled to breathe once again, trying to get away from the sweet smell you just smothered him with. His erection grew and he was thankful you were facing away from it at least. Your pussy right in front of his face was all he could think about. He wanted to just rip your clothes off and make you ride his face, but it took all his willpower not to.

Instead, he wraps his arms around your thighs, keeping you in place with an iron like grip before swiftly turning, rolling the two of you so he was on his stomach. You had thought about this position too, but you were broken out of your thoughts as he quickly hoisted you up. He jumped up himself, your legs still around his head as he smacked you on a large smooth boulder. He was finally able to use his leverage to get out of your hold, gasping for air as he stood and braced himself on the boulder.

As he stood you finally saw it. His massive hard on was visible through his pants. He was huge. You knew he was big, but you weren't even sure if he was fully hard yet. He got that hard from all of that? You felt yourself getting even hotter and you were unable to close your legs yet. He had his hands firmly planted between your legs, keeping them spread open. He had to have known how you were feeling right now, right? He had to smell it when he was down there...

"What was that for?!" He shouts before groaning, reaching up with one hand to rub his jaw after the beating gave it. He looked down at your spread legs and stepped between them fully. He could see the wet spot between your legs and sighed deeply. He didn't think he'ddo this so quickly after being put in charge of taking care of you...

"Are you trying to kill me? Fucking brat..." He growls as he stares down at you, his arms pinning you under him as he leans over you. The sun shines through the trees and gives you both a beautiful glow. It really did feel like a dream, and both of you would agree. He just stared into your beautiful (e/c) eyes, only looking away to look down at your lips. Your faces were only a few inches away from each other's as you stared back at him. It looked like he was conflicted. Maybe you needed to encourage him a little?

You couldn't help yourself. You slowly reached your hands up and touched his chest gently. He was so warm and sweaty, and after the fall, dirty. You ran your hands up the sides of his neck and gently held his face. You felt him lean into your hands as he closed his eyes and sighed. You used your thumbs to gently caress his large tusks as he melted into your touch even further. You couldn't help but smile and giggle to yourself a little.

"I'd never thought the might Gan would be such a helpless little baby when it comes to being held." You snickered a little, his eyes shooting open before glaring at you. You gave him an evil smile before hooking your fingers on his tusks and tugging them towards you. He let out a groan in response before the look in his eyes turns into something more evil. He suddenly grabs both your wrists with one hand and pins them above your head

"You think that's funny? You fucking tease..." He growls at you. You haven't seen him like this before. You kinda like it. Without a word, he takes one of his hands and cups it under your head, lifting your head to meet his in a rough and passionate kiss. Your bodies rubbed together as he held you down and made out with you, not wanting to let you go Your tusks rubbed together as he loosened his grip on your wrists, pulling away slightly. Seizing the opportunity, you wrap your arms around his neck and brought your lips back to his. You'd been waiting too long for a chance like this. Your legs wrap around his waist as you press your body into his, scratching his back as you let out soft breathy moans whenever your lips manage to part for a moment.

He stumbles backwards a bit in surprise, his hands immediately grabbing your ass as he keeps you held close to him. He may not have expected this reaction, but he won't complain. He moans with you as he continues to kiss you, but slowly moves his hands up your body towards your shoulders.

As you start to grind your hips against him, he pushes you back onto the rock, your arms releasing, but your legs still locked firmly in place around his waist. Your back was arched as he pinned your shoulders. Both of you were panting from the kiss, both your lips puffy and almost raw. He has a moment of clarity and wants to make sure this isn't to try and trick him into not telling anyone about this.

"What's going on with you? You've been off since I was assigned to you. You've never given a guard this much trouble when you get caught outside camp. Why me?" He asked, determined for answers. Did you hate him that much that you wanted to run away? He was so confused as to why you were kissing him then.

"Because I want you..." You mumbled, bashful as you turned your head away from him. You let go of your grip around his waist with your

"What?" He asked, a bit thrown off by your answer.

"I want you! I have no interest in anyone else in the clan. I know you may not exactly feel the same way, but I needed to get away from you to even have a chance of finding someone else. I can't think of anyone but you when you're around..." You admit, sheepishly. Your face flushes and you avoid looking him in the eyes. "I just want you as my mate... if you'll have me."

He was staring at you dumbstruck as he tried to replay what he just heard in his head. Did you just confess? His head spun as he tried to find the words to speak, to reciprocate how you feel, but decided that actions would speak louder than words. His hands moved down to your hips and pulled you to the edge of the boulder. You were about to ask what he was doing, but he interrupted you by pulling your shorts up and exposing your ass for him. You didn't have time to react before he delivered a swift smack to your ass, earning a squeal from you.

"You had to take the moment didn't you? Spoilt brat. I wanted to ask you properly after showing you I can protect you. Couldn't even let me try and be a gentleman for you..." He said lowly, making your heart race as you froze and starred up at him. You didn't think you'd actually get this for, so you weren't sure how to react to any of this. All you knew was that you wanted him to keep going.

Another slap sounded on your other asscheek as he pushed your knees back against your chest. He directed your arms to wrap around your knees as he crouched down in front of your exposed pussy. His hot breath against your sensitive clit gave you goosebumps. He took a moment to appreciate the sight of you before he finally dove in, giving your pussy long, slow licks from your entrance to your clit. You moan out and squeeze your legs closer to you as you let him do what he wants. He toys with you like that for a while before using his mouth to focus on your clit.

One of his hands migrate to your pussy, one of his large fingers sliding into you and curling against your g-spot gently. You arch your back as you let out another moan, but cut it off by biting your lip. His free hand slaps your ass again as he continues to lap at your clit with his tongue and finger your pussy. His hand stays on your ass and gropes the soft flesh as his tusks rub and scratch against the back of your thighs.

You pussy trembled as you tried your best not to squirm. As much as his hand was nice, you wanted to cum on his dick. You wanted him to fill you up and give you his little orcling. Now that you knew he felt the same, your whole body felt hot. His hands in and on your body felt like fire.

"Fuck..." He stopped suddenly and pulled away, taking off your shorts completely and quickly taking his own clothes off as you slowly let go of your legs and spread them. "You're so fucking sexy. I can't believe you're so willing to be my cum slut already..." He held his cock and rubbed it against your pussy. He was worried about hurting you, but after your pussy juices coated his cock after only ruling against you for a few moments, he decided to just go ahead.

You were eager for him to finally thrust into you. Even just his warm cock rubbing along your pussy lips and clit was making you feral. You'd jump on him soon if he didn't get a move on.

He lines up his cock carefully with your slick hole before easing his cock into you. You both moan loudly as your pussy strains slightly to take him in the best way. Your arousal only increased, making it easier for him to get more of his cock into you by the second. When he's about halfway into your pussy, you're already nearly completely full and he pauses.

"W-why are you stopping?" You whimper, not wanting him to hold back. He gives you a wicked grin before grabbing your hips and lifting you. He flips you over onto your stomach while you're still half on his dick. The sensation made your body quiver in pleasure before you turn your head to look back at him. He leans over your body and braces himself on his elbows over you, one of his forearms positioned under your head for you to rest on.

"I wanna fuck you like the bitch you keep acting like. Maybe then my dirty slut will calm down and be a good girl for me." Gan groans in your ear before thrusting the last of his cock into you without warning. You screamed out a moan out of shock, biting down on his arm as your eyes rolled back for a moment. Your tight pussy quivered around his cock as he shuddered from the sensation of having your warm, wet pussy around him. He could live like that, minus your teeth, but his hips start to move on their own as he moans in your ear.

"F-fuck, you're so tight... you're gonna milk my cock and give me a kid... everyone is gonna know you're all mine soon." He said breathlessly. As much as he was trying to act tough, his heart was melting as he fucked your brain out. His thrusts got faster and rougher as he listened to you moan through your bite on his arm with every thrust.

You tried to thrust your hips back against his with each thrust, but there wasn't much you could do when your whole body was pinned down. You felt your climax building quickly as Gan finds his pace, rubbing perfectly against your g-spot and hitting your cervix in a way that made you feel dizzy. His large, full balls kept slapping your clit with each thrust. Your jaw slacked as you released your bite, moaning even louder.

"There we go. Good girl. You're gonna behave for me, right? You gonna cum for me? I want my slut to cum on my cock and milk me..." He grumts, you only able to weakly nod your head as he just kept fucking your pussy until you exploded. Your pussy squeezed his cock so hard he couldn't move for a moment and you screamed. Your orgasm felt like you got hit by lightning, but he just keeps fucking you. Your pussy shuddered around his cock as you keep cumming, each thrust making you more overstimulated than the last.

"Fuck yes. I'm gonna cum too, princess. Take it all, please." Thankfully, he doesn't last much longer than you. His thrusts get faster but more sloppy as he chases his orgasm. He moans and groans as you whimper and lick the bite mark you left on his arm. The sight makes him groan as he thrusts inside you one last time, burying his cock deep in your pussy as he cums. You finally stsrt to come down from your orgasm with a loud sigh. You feel his warm cum fill you, but whine as you feel some of it start to drip down your legs.

He was still so hard. He rocks his hips gently against yours as you moan. Your poor sensitive pussy kept being bullied and you loved it. He kisses your shoulder gently and sighs.

"I love you, (Y/n)... I'd love to be your mate..." He whispers in your ear as he wraps his arms around you, hugging you tenderly.

"I can tell..." You giggled breathlessly. Although you were exhausted, you didn't loose your sense of humor. "I love you too..." You whispered before turning your head and kissing him on the cheek. Due to how hard he was, and how he seemed to already be ready to go again, you two were going to be there for a long time...

[akutasoda]

Heyaaaa! hope you doing well :)

Can I request Cyno, AlHaitham and Heizou, With an s/o who wore glasses, she looks a cutie, soft and silly but when she took her glasses off, she looks rather attractive and look more professional, by the way she squinted her eyes, trying to focus her view.

You know, that one trope people look way hotter when they take off their glasses (this idea came from "the girl i like forgot her glasses" I Know, what a Tittle lol)

glasses can change demeanors

synopsis - how are they with an s/o who has glasses and takes the off for the first time infront of them

includes - heizou, cyno, alhaitham

warnings - gn!reader, fluff, slight crack, wc - 536

a/n: hi hi!! i'm doing alright ^^ hope you are aswell?? that is quite the title HAHA

shikanoin heizou ★↷

↪to heizou, it didn't matter if you wore glasses or not. if anything you wearing glasses gave him another thing to tease you about - light-heartedly of course, and he would stop if you wished for him to.

↪he always thought you looked sweet, rather jovial even. but sometimes he wondered what you looked like without, he was sure you'd still look amazing but curiosity got the best of him - apart of him was convinced that he could find out without having to ask but eventually he ended up simply asking you.

↪heizou would have guessed that you looked slightly different and he would be right. immediately you looked alot more serious and professional and heizou loved it. he loved the switch up just because you simply took off your glasses.

↪he would ask you to wear your glasses less often but you needed them and so he'd prefer you be able to see. especially ss he thought you were stunning either way.

cyno ★↷

↪again, cyno wouldn't really care if you wore glasses or not. he wasn't one to tell people what to wear let alone even care about the attire of those around him. especially if they were an article that was needed such as your glasses.

↪he never really gave two thoughts about what you'd look like without them, he got so used to seeing you wearing them constantly that it became normal. so the idea of you not wearing them never really crossed his mind.

↪cyno almost had to do a double take when he first saw you without them, it felt unusual and rather strange but he wasn't complaining. your usual soft demeanor was replaced with a much harsher, professional tone that definitely suited you.

↪he wouldn't mind if you didn't wear your glasses often, or if you resumed wearing them as usual. he understood that you needed them but he'd welcome you not wearing them.

alhaitham ★↷

↪for a third time, alhaitham didn't mind if you wore glasses or not. he loved you and so he didn't exactly care how you presented yourself as long as it was somewhat acceptable - he always wasn't one to tell people how to dress or what to wear.

↪he didn't really care how you looked without glasses either, although he'd be lying to say that he wasn't at least a tiny bit curious. alhaitham knew people could look different without their glasses and so he was slightly intrigued if that was true for you.

↪and it was. your usual rather soft looking demeanor rather quickly melted away as soon as you took your glasses off, you appeared much more professional and serious. the only thing that didn't change was how stunning you still looked.

↪he didn't really care if you wore your glasses still or preferred to keep them off more often. although he wouldn't mind if you did keep them off more often…

taglist - @little-miss-chaoss, @frankiesteinn

[pupyuj]

super late but i’m hoping you’re feeling way better now 🥺🥺 anon forgot to cover themselves up so i put up an ss of the ask instead mwuahaha 🤓 ANYWAYS damnnn everybody loves kitty lizzie huh?? AS WE ALL SHOULD!!

also i’m obsessed with these pics i love her silly catgirl ass sm my jiwonnn 😭💞💞

as much as i want to think if jiwon could be a bratty kitty just to spice things up… i really can’t see it! 😭 she’s just too much of a good girl to be capable of doing anything that might even remotely upset her mommy :(( and you’re always so good to her anyway so she never has any reason to act out even if she wanted to! the most she’ll do as an act of rebellion is pouting and pretending not to hear you when you’re scolding her… as soon as your tone drops to a scarier one, she folds quickly though :(( not wanting to upset you even more bcs she hates seeing that look on your face, esp if it’s bcs of her! 🥺

could definitely top you if she doesn’t get so flustered every time you do anything with her 👀 it’s very possible bcs come on… you’re just as whipped for her as she is for you and if the day comes where she just decides to take what she wants from you without warning or permission… well fuck, who are you to not give her everything?? 😵‍💫 it’s too bad she’s so polite! you’d have to tease her so much just to push her patience even a little bit… but you don’t mind 🫣 the sight of her riding your thigh desperately, begging for your touch with teary eyes and a cute pout, her ears twitching on her head… feeling her little claws dig into your shoulder as she kept herself steady while she chased after her climax on her own… so, so beautiful that you basically had it engraved in your brain 🫠

willingly offers her spit as lube?? willingly offers her spit as lube!! jiwon really doesn’t give a fuck if she looks ridiculous sucking on your strap like it was a real cock—it turned you on, it turned her on so whatever! 🤤 that look on your face while she slowly rides you?? hooded eyes raking all over her body before finally piercing into her own?? only getting darker when you decide to take matters into your own hands and fuck her silly like she always wants you to?? yeah, jiwon fucking lives for that look on your face 😚 she especially loves being underneath you while you fuck her with your strap bcs you would hold her so close, making sure to hit all the right spots and telling her how much of a good job she’s doing taking mommy’s cock like a good kitty :((

it all gets even better when jiwonie sucks on your fingers instead! she’s so unhealthily obsessed with your hands 😵‍💫 once in a while you’d find her absentmindedly giving your hands little kisses or just playing with them while you’re both watching something on the tv 🥺💕 other times she would be drooling all over them, making sure they’re nice and wet so you wouldn’t have any trouble fucking her with them 😋 sometimes she would even just take your hands and put them on her chest just to prompt you to do something… and it works every time bcs how can you say no to her??

in conclusion, you could never ask for a better, cuter and more obedient kitty than jiwon! 🥺

[password-door-lock]

Mystictober Day 10-- Robot

Unknown attempts to make a robot (932 words).

“Whatcha doin’, boss?” 

Unknown, as you should probably have guessed, does not respond. Instead, he continues with what looks like highly technical work, involving a horrifying mess of scrap metal, circuit boards, and wires. “I think you should have some kind of safety helmet if you’re using a blowtorch,” you try again, “Also, why are you using a blowtorch?”

“Hm,” Unknown hums at you, a clear indication of his disapproval. “Mind your own business, prince(ss).” 

“This is absolutely my business,” you argue. It’s strange towering over Unknown like this— you’d lower yourself to his level, but you wouldn’t like to fall victim to the blowtorch. Is he… attempting to solder? You don’t like that he’s doing all this with his bare hands, either, but you know that gloves are a battle you’ll never win. “You’re my boss, and this is my workplace, and you’re absolutely ignoring every established blowtorch safety procedure, thereby putting yourself— my boss— in danger in my workplace. That’s the textbook definition of my business.” 

“Fine,” Unknown huffs, most likely because he thinks a concession without action will be an effective means of shutting you up. He’s wrong, of course, but it’s the thought that counts, even if that thought is utter bullshit. “But it’s not dangerous. It’s just fire.”

“Then why don’t I take over for you?” Check mate.

Unknown turns off the blowtorch and looks up, meeting your eyes with a stone-cold stare. That kind of look used to set the hair at the back of your neck on end, but now, of course, you know that Unknown isn’t actually going to hurt you. He’s as attached to you as you are to him, though of course, he’d never admit it. “It’s probably more dangerous if you’re distracting me, assistant. Would you like to be collateral damage?”

You shrug off the threat. You’ve been with Unknown long enough by now that you can tell when he’s being genuine and when he’s just bluffing. “What is that thing, anyway?” A horrifying thought occurs to you. “Is it a bomb?”

Unknown snorts with what could be amusement or annoyance. Maybe you can’t read him as well as you thought— or maybe he’s both amused and annoyed. “It’s a cat.”

“No the fuck it is not.” The hunk of scrap metal on which your boss is currently working looks nothing like a cat.

“That’s the ears,” Unknown points out two lopsided triangles atop a vaguely spherical mass, which you assume is meant to be the animal’s head. “Eyes. Mouth. Nose. Body. Feet.” These features are formless and vague, although now that he’s pointed them out, you can sort of see what he’s getting at.

“You forgot the whiskers,” you point out. “And the tail. And the safety precautions.”

“Cats don’t have safety precautions,” Unknown informs you matter-of-factly. 

“But you should when you’re playing god and frankensteining one together out of pieces of computers.” You can’t help but lecture him a little. After all, this is absolutely preposterous. What if he gets hurt?

Unknown just shrugs. “That guy made a cat robot. I wanted to make a better one.” It’s clear that he’s trying to keep his tone light, though he isn’t doing the best job of it. 

Anyway, that explains a lot. Of course he’d want to one-up his rival, even at great danger to himself. “Does it talk?” Why are you even engaging with him about this? “Mhm,” Unknown sounds proud of himself, which is endearing. You really don’t want him to melt that cute face off in the tragic blowtorch accident toward which his crafting methods are dragging him. 

“What does it say?” Maybe a conversation will distract him from this profoundly unsafe activity.

Unknown sets his blowtorch down (thank god, finally) and presses a button under the cat’s chin. “Speak,” he orders. 

“Fuck you,” says the cat, in a garbled, demonic-sounding voice. This certainly is not what you expected, though you don’t know why. Unknown wouldn’t waste an afternoon working on some cutesy robot, after all. 

“What the fuck?” You manage between peals of laughter. “Is that… the only thing it says?”

Unknown nods. It seems the humor inherent to this situation has gone entirely over his head. “That’s all it needs to say when it meets Luciel.”

“You’re gonna sick it on Luciel?” You don’t know whether to be scared beyond belief or pleasantly entertained by the concept. The appropriate response is probably a little bit of both— just like it would be on any other day with Unknown. 

“Yeah,” he confirms, “It’s called RevengeCat.”

“That’s so funny,” you admit, if a bit begrudgingly. Your amusement does not make up for the fact that your boss is soldering without safety goggles. “Does it explode or something?”

“No.” That’s a relief, at least.

Granted, Unknown could be bending the truth, so you feel the need to clarify further. “It just says ‘fuck you?’”

“Yes.” He’s not smirking at you or anything, which means he’s probably being honest.

“Okay.” You know you won’t be able to stop your boss from sending this to Luciel, but maybe that’s a good thing. At the very least, this project has distracted him from his usual task of plotting murder. Also, against all odds, RevengeCat is beginning to grow on you. “You should add a tail next, boss. But before that, I’m gonna go find you some safety goggles. Wait right here.”

You already know he won’t listen to you, but that isn’t going to stop you from doing what you can to minimize the hazards in your boss’s work environment. 

[theamityelf]

i am eating and chewing your yandere content, its so good, i love it so so much, if youre still taking requests maybe some yandere mukuro and naegi? I always think there's a lot of potential there but there's not a lot of content for it

Oh, I love it. I need to pick what time period I'm going with...

----

It didn't take much.

A smile, a greeting. Asking about her opinions and experiences. The time he asked if she needed help carrying her bag (and she had to run away because if he came any closer he would notice the smell of blood coming from inside it), the time he asked her if she was coming to lunch (and she blushed so badly, Junko later said her face looked like one big zit). Or maybe it was nothing to do with her at all; maybe it was because of how he was with everyone else, or how they were with him.

Maybe it was even as simple as the fact that she was used to traveling light, used to picking a few things she could carry and disregarding everything else.

She could carry him easily.

"Uh, Mukuro?" he said. "Are you okay?"

Right, she'd been staring. He'd taken the time to ask her if she wanted to join his group for ice cream after school, and she was being weird.

How embarrassing. She was definitely blushing again, now.

Well, it wasn't like that mattered. She was weird. She was socially inept and ugly and useless, and none of that mattered. Because the world was going to end soon, anyway. Maizono or Kirigiri could take him to a school dance, but Mukuro could pull him from the school before it turned into a warzone.

"Go on without me," she finally said. "I need to discuss something with Junko."

"Oh, okay. See you tomorrow!" Makoto and his friends vacated the classroom, leaving only...the 'despair sisters'.

Junko was sitting in her seat, filing her nails. Mukuro walked over to her and just stood there, waiting to be acknowledged. There was no doubt that her sister already knew everything she was feeling. She always did.

"Well?" Junko eventually said, her eyes meeting Mukuro's with cool amusement. "Are you too scared to ask, or do you just love wasting my time, skank?"

"I'm not scared," Mukuro answered. She did have a heightened awareness of the seriousness of this situation, but what she felt wasn't fear. "And...I'm also not asking."

"Gadzooks! Could it be that the worm has grown a spine?!"

"He can easily be spared from the plan. We don't need him in order to do what we intend to do."

"No sh!t, dumb*ss! The despair doesn't kick in when it's fvcking necessary!"

"The despair doesn't kick in if the plan doesn't happen, either." Mukuro's fingernails bit into her palms, as she forcibly steeled her tone and held her sister's gaze. She'd never threatened disobedience like that before. "You have everyone else in the class. You have me. You don't need him. Really, for a guy like him to keep his memories and watch them die that way...it would be more despairful than losing his memories and getting killed in the first or second round without understanding anything."

"So. You're suggesting he languishes in the data center while the killing game plays out, then you collect him in your nasty little arms once it's all over? Once the world is in ashes and there's no one else to love but you?"

"Essentially, yes."

Junko's lips curved. "And what's your contingency plan for how he'll react to knowing your designs for him?"

"He won't know about it until it happens."

And Junko's expression went blank, as though she found Mukuro's answer terribly boring. She rolled her eyes. "Fvcking atrocious. I can't even hint with you. Hey, Ultimate Soldier. You didn't secure your perimeter. Kind of a rookie mistake, dontcha think?"

"What?"

She dipped her head to the side, indicating a desk a few seats away where a familiar composition book lay open. "He forgot his notebook, smart*ss."

Mukuro wheeled around and heard a gasp from the doorway, and then retreating footsteps.

She broke into a sprint. Naturally, she was able to catch him, hand-gag him, and drag him into an unoccupied classroom before he could even think to yell.

Makoto's ineffectual squirming, his kicking and his elbowing, his growling and his vain attempts to speak...Mukuro was sure that she was blushing again, as she allowed more of her body to touch his than was strictly necessary to subdue him.

She was restricting his airflow, so he was going to pass out very shortly. And then she would have to contend with her sister. But for now...

"H-Hi," she said awkwardly, as he struggled in her arms. "Um, sorry. Sorry that I, uh...If I'd known that this would happen, I would've laid down a rug here. And maybe worn some perfume. I mean, I guess you can't breathe anyway..."

Fortunately, Makoto lost consciousness before she could say anything else.

She let go of him, so she could watch him slide out of her arms and rest on the tiles, all helpless. She took stock of what he must have overheard. Jeez, she must have sounded like such a pathetic, lovesick...

She heard Junko coming before the door moved. Immediately, she positioned herself defensively in front of him. Her sister was not allowed to kill him. That was the one thing in the world she wasn't allowed to do.

"Well, this is a clusterfvck, isn't it?" Junko deadpanned. "I guess not much of a cluster. It's just him. This one tripping hazard of a guy. I could just bite his little cheeks."

"I've never asked you for anything. Just him."

"Au contraire! You're not asking, remember? Where did that spine go? Did your body reabsorb it?"

"I-"

"This is boring. Take him to your dorm room, keep him there. I'll figure out what to do about this, as always. Can you manage an iota of stealth this time, you troll?"

Mukuro's heart soared. "Yes. Thank you."

"Oh, shut up. Out of my sight."

She princess-carried him to her room.

----

(I thought about making Kyoko the one who overheard, but the outcome there would be too similar to the Yandere Taka one.)

[askbloatedbellyblog]

Hii! I just saw your genshin tier list, I noticed that there is no fontaine characters, what do you think wriothesley’s tier would be?

You're right, it hasn't been updated since before Fontaine. I'll have to ruminate a bit more on where I'd put them officially but I think so far Lyney would be the only SS tier burper in Fontaine. Then probably Wriothesley and Freminet would be S. And Neuvillette would probably be A tier (entirely that high because of some pretty great art).

Granted this may change as I'm behind and haven't done his character quest yet but this is how I see it so far. I do think that Wriothesley is a big eater in general, though especially of anyone in the Fortress. I'm of two minds here, where he'd either try to have more manners as he's well regarded and slightly elevated in esteem in the prison, but I also can very easily see him wanting to be more on a regular occupants level and to be more approachable so he drops the facade when he wants to. I could see him burping when palling around with other prisoners when drinking alcohol or Fonta (since it literally does nothing but be carbonated and he has high opinions on what it should look and taste like) or he's having to chug water or special rehydrating Fonta during a break in the middle of a Pankration match. Just burp softly before he's going to fight again.

There is the interesting thought thanks to this fantastic comic. Sigewinne, like the other Melusine, doesn't quite understand humans or customs, nor their food. So it's very likely that she may view burps as a sign of satisfaction and health, though may even misunderstand their meaning from their types. It may have even cultivated a culture of burps being acceptable since she watches EVERYONE.

So burping is taken as a sign of good health and good food like it is in some cultures, so when people are well fed like Wriothesley, he'll let out large epic belches to show how stuffed he is. Now she might keep overfeeding him and he's having smaller burps during his meals because he's trying to force himself to eat more, but I could see him patting his bloated belly and letting out an epic belch to show it was a good meal.

The only issue is that Sigewinne may not understand different types of burps, just like she doesn't understand that some foods aren't good for humans. So when she makes others or Wriothesley eat food that disagrees with them, they have a bad stomach gurgle and let out a sickly wet belch as they try to keep down the Melusine food. Those days, Wrio is probably just spending all day burping, rubbing his bloated belly trying to get it to settle. He leans heavily on ginger and lemon tea to try to feel better.

EDIT: You know what, an addendum. I very much forgot about the Fonta Cup.

You can fill it up once you win it and it's very much hinted at that Wriothesley has won it before. He's definitely the type that would win that and have it filled and used as a cup for a while. Despite the disclaimer on it filled, I can very much see Wrio winning and in the moment, just absolutely chugging down the entire contents of the Fonta Cup, his abs swelling out as extra Fonta dribbles down his face and chest and then just letting an absolutely monster burp before cheering and raising it above his head to celebrate winning. He's one of the "few that could swallow the contents in a single swig" and just chug it down. But that gas definitely builds up and he fights it as the carbonation tickles his throat and nose until he finally releases it. Honestly I could see many others in the prison actually praising and cheering him on when he does too.

There is the thought along with that there there is A) Wriotheley has a reputation of being a beast of a burper or B) It's the cause of another mystery of Meropide where there loud noises or moans late at night that no one can explain but they find out the truth that it's actually Wrio burping loud and groaning from eating too much.

[neerons]

I need to know if you can enlighten me as to what direction Kei's story is going, why does he need to stop making excuses and obstacles? He already admitted that he loves her, why do he keep putting up barriers? I hope to finally see a development in Kei because the MC always brings him back and gives him strength but in my opinion he just runs (I have nothing against Kei, I love his character and I understand his past) but in his new story eden's love seriously gave me a headache to become a priest and definitively renounce everything they have experienced together and their love for God because he himself has said that he doesn't believe what do you think about this? there is hope??

Hey there ❤️

[TW: Mentions of cannibalism, sexual abuse, and psychological trauma]

I'm not sure if you have read the Eden's Love story as a whole or if you only relied on my recent screenshots. If it's the latter, just know that I'm not done posting ss and that other spoilers will be posted soon.

Admittedly, Kei's story is more complicated to understand and it can be hard to remember everything, so I'll try to explain the problem both he and MC were facing in their relationship, and why they decided it was better to "break up" while still being very much in love.

[A little disclaimer before I begin: I realize as I'm writing that explaining Kei's story is hard. I try my best to articulate my thoughts as best as I can, but it can be difficult to understand if you haven't read the stories yourself. Just keep in mind that, all throughout Kei's stories, he and MC have always been in love, it's simply that they don't understand their feelings for the other right away due to their particular circumstances.]

As of now, Kei and MC should soon go back to being together once MC realizes Kei has actually not become a priest, which will enable them to go back together.

➡ The reason for their break up was due to their lack of physical intimacy, provoked by Kei's own lack of desire after remembering traumatic memories who made Kei distance himself from physical touch again.

As MC realized that Kei probably didn't love her that way anymore, she imagined that he thought of her as a friend now, like with Josh, Yuzuru and Theo.

She thought that, by keeping their relationship as a couple, she was forcing Kei to keep being tied to her when he didn't have romantic feelings left for her.

So she asked to break up while still being in love with him to free him from this relationship (She hid her own feelings to not make him feel guilty of sacrificing herself).

Now, as we already know, the reason Kei felt confused about his feelings for her is because he had more than just a difficult past.

He was an orphan getting sexually abused, beaten up, malnourished, and then he was adopted and under the protection of the Romleys, but that didn't stop Caleb, an acquaintance of the Romleys', to traumatize him behind the scenes as well.

Caleb, who has a twisted version of love, is a cannibal who eats everyone Chad, the man he loves (aka Kei's grandfather), loves.

This led to Kei witnessing Caleb eat Libre, Chad's horse, that Kei loved dearly, while he was visiting France with Caleb.

Kei then forgot these memories as a protection mechanism, but he grew up thinking that every adult speaking about what "love" is is disgusting. To him, love was disgusting.

This is also why he was unable to desire physical intimacy with women and wouldn't have skin to skin contact with them, until MC.

➡ His disgust for love and physical desire led Kei to using domination, and then faith to control his desires later on.

Despite reading people like a book, his tragic past full of obsessed weirdos made Kei unable to understand his own emotions very well.

After being with MC, he is not capable of showing her the extent of his feelings, and they find it hard to have a "normal" relationship due to that.

(Deep down, they both know they love and care for each other, but the weight of the past and their enemies make it difficult for them to be together in a normal romantic relationship.)

➡ Because of his own inner struggles clashing with their relationship, and the remembrance of his trauma, Kei is scared of tainting MC with his "impurity" and ruining her life.

He doesn't want to be selfish and thinks she should be with someone who gives her the love and intimacy she "deserves", because he is not capable of normal love like her due to his past, and he wouldn't have sex with her anymore after remembering Caleb (especially after learning that the choker he gave MC had a listening device planted by Caleb all this time, so Caleb had heard them make love on that night when Kei and MC finally did it "normally").

On the other hand, MC is scared of Kei dying because of her love. Kei has risked a lot of times his life to be free from his past to be with MC. She doesn’t want him to risk everything for her, because she loves him and wants him to be happy with his friends.

➡ They both become self-sacrificial for the other without realizing.

At the end of Eden's Love Volume 1, Kei has realized he doesn’t need faith the same way Josh, his childhood friend, does.

Before being officially baptised, he realizes it’s not God who has saved him, and who can save him, it’s MC. He tells Josh he cannot be baptised.

Ultimately, MC is the reason why he even was able to step into a church again. She’s his one and only salvation, not God, and he cannot see a future without her.

He decided to not become a priest, because doing so would mean ruling out of your life romance and sexual intimacy.

Kei realized he actually is capable of normal love as he desires MC and would only sin and disrespect Josh’s religion and faith if he became a priest.

On her own side of things, MC realizes after their break up as well that she did truly fall in love with Kei, like she had hoped she would ever since Kei declared he would make his life about getting her to fall for him.

In the end, their break up was very much needed as it was the only way they could realize just how in love they both are.

Kei, who had so much trouble understanding love, could not tell the difference between his feelings for Yuzu, Theo, Josh and MC. It's only after their break up that he understood how special she is to him compared to them, and how much he desires her physically as well.

And MC, who thought that as long as Kei is happy with his friends, told herself she'd be able to live without his love. However, she started desiring him more and more as well, and it only made her understand she had fallen hard for him and couldn't live without wanting him.

They both knew they would keep loving the other, but decided that for the other sake's, they'll put their feelings to sleep. But their feelings were too strong.

(Damn, isn't that MS so beautiful?)

Meeting the MC is what naturally taught Kei what true love actually is, and he started changing for the better along the stories. But as his trauma came back in bits and pieces, he started feeling confused.

It's after their break up, after having a neutral relationship and not being able to touch each other anymore, that they realized just how much they desired each other.

So of course, there is hope! Kei didn't tell MC he didn't actually become a priest, so once she knows, they'll probably be together once again (it's an otome game after all).

Thank you for the ask, and I hope you understood it a bit better. I never know if I explain it well considering how difficult the story is, but I hope I did a good job

Have a lovely day ❤

[kyogre-blue]

SS is done.

The most standout part: I got the Rhea S rank. It was good. I support it, but I wish there was a gen version and also that it was available on VW. My general impression is that VW actually gives you more chances to ask after and worry for Rhea (plus Claude is a rather meh romance option), so it would be great if I could get with her there too.

In general, I wish VW and SS were just one route. Both have some nice small details, but given how similar they are, I feel like you'd get a better experience if they were just combined.

Checking my VW endgame notes, it seems VW gives you info dump about Agartha, which definitely feels missing in SS, and SS gives you a bit more detail about Byleth's deal from Rhea, which adds some nice details on the Rhea relationship front. Seriously, they should have just combined them.

(Hilariously, Catherine's endcard outright contradicts the paired Rhea one. They are incompatible, but I got both. Additionally, Ingrid's card seems to be written for Crimson Flower, since it mentions Galatea being "seized" and Ingrid needing to push strongly to be allowed to govern it, which comes across weirdly as a post-war in the Byleth-led United Kingdom, especially since the other Lions kids I recruited all got their lord positions without any apparent fuss.)

Overall, not much else to say about SS. Final take: SS and VW are really obviously the same route, but even though SS was supposedly written first, VW feels marginally better in its focus and I enjoyed it more. However, the Rhea stuff specifically is good, and I wish I could get it on VW. Yup.

Final save file time: 95:19. Minus the VW playthrough, it's 44:07, so a bit faster. Specifically post-route split, it's 20:16, so it seems like the part that I finished faster was actually just Academy phase, possibly because I just didn't care much for the BE kids.

Liveblogging notes:

Looking closely at the battle selection screen, it seems Shambhala is at the very eastern tip of the Empire. There's a bit of mountain that stretches down from the Throat across Airmid River, and it seems to be there.

Narration calls it a "sprawling underground city."

Thales was kind of a chump!

Ah, I just realized I forgot to check his X description blurbs. They probably weren't too interesting tho.

The Agarthans are super mad about living underground and not having "light." Thales also name drops Agartha in his battle line vs Seteth and in the cutscene afterwards. Aside from their ability description, I think this is probably the first time their proper name is mentioned. But we uh, don't seem to discuss this much?

Small scene with Nemesis's coffin is missing, I think. Well, obviously because he's not the final boss now. iirc the scene immediately after the month change, with everyone freaking out over Rhea is new instead. It's a little weird because iirc VW gives you more opportunities to express concern for her. Here, the Rhea focus feels a bit less supported.

Seteth didn't realize you already knew that Rhea is the Immaculate One (which you did, btw).

Seteth "long ago" lost the power to change form, but "it seems" Rhea has not. My dude, did you not know... He does confirm that he's also a child of the goddess, which Rhea keeps hidden in VW. Flayn is also counted as one of the children of the goddess, even though she's more like a grandchild. It's a general term for dragons.

Seteth and Flayn press Byleth about taking over as the leader of Fodlan in some capacity, now that Rhea's future is uncertain.

We find the Sword and Bow of Zoltan in Shambhala. I was wondering about whether these things existed, since Zoltan is a dude that got namedropped in a small quest item description a while back. I also have an Axe of Zoltan though I can't remember exactly where I picked it up. No spear?

Just noting that you use Arcane Crystals to repair magical weapons like the Bolt Axe, Mythril to repair sacred weapons like Cichol's Spear of Assal, and Umbral Steel for relics. Mythril is also used on forging the rusted weapons that require A+ professor rank. iirc they're legendary weapons from other games or something like that. Smithing Stones are for normal weapons of all rarities.

On VW, this month was about Nemesis appearing and us going to fight him, but here on SS, that doesn't happen, so the explore dialogue is all about Seteth telling us that we should become the new Ruler of Fodlan and us taking the month to think about it. Everyone around the monastery comments on this, how we should think about it carefully, how they believe in us, how they're thinking about the future, etc. It's... hm. I think it's okay, but it really highlights how much Byleth has not been setup for this role At All.

They're a mercenary who became a teacher via nepotism and while we do things in the story that you could probably read as proof of Byleth's ability to lead, they don't really feel that way, especially since Seteth can end up spending half the war refusing what we suggest. Byleth is also just... not a real character. So them becoming the big deal leader is kinda... yeah.

Anyway, I accidentally ended the month early. But whatever.

Before you tell Rhea your "decision," she gives you exposition about how she made you and Sothis's crest stone is in you. She wanted to see Sothis again and thought she could regain everything she had lost.

Sitri was Rhea's 12th attempt. She "grew up" without Sothis's consciousness and fell in love with Jeralt. But when she gave birth, the child was not breathing and she herself was also "in grave danger." Sitri told Rhea to take the crest stone from her and put it into her baby. Otherwise, both would have died.

Byleth is suggested to be able to house Sothis's consciousness because they have both the crest stone and a body born from a parent with Rhea's blood.

Rhea is aware that Sothis gave you her power and disappeared, which means Rhea's dearest wish did not come true, but she's accepting of that. She basically entrusts Fodlan and the future to you.

And she just flips out in the middle of that.

"White Beasts" appear all over the monastery. They are from priests and knights that Rhea shared her blood and "stones" with. Tho given how JP plurals work, it's impossible to tell if Rhea is meant to have one crest stone or several. Demonic Beasts also run in??

Enemies are Frenzied Church Soldiers with minor crests of Seiros, Altered Golems, White Beasts (cardinal that has transformed and gone mad due to the rage of the Immaculate One) with Blest Crest Stone Shards (bestowed by a saint and wielded as a weapon), and the Immaculate One herself. She has a crest stone of Serios, can recover HP when near a White Beast and is described as having been driven to an uncontrollable anger due to the power of the goddess.

This battle was annoying because of the Classic setting. The whole business with Rhea having a private army of people whom she shared blood with is, hm. But I get the feeling this was done purely to explain her battle having the same mechanics as with Nemesis and the 10 Elites. It's... an interesting tidbit that these cardinals and such exist, but kinda weird that the crest of Seiros is actually this common, especially since they can ALL presumably pass it down to their kids, and I would expect Rhea had done this for more than just one generation.

(funny concept: after a thousand years of Rhea just sharing her blood all over, a good three quarters of Fodlan has some Seiros crest blood and it manifests pretty much at random in people all over.)

Anyway, final blow by Flayn.

OK, enough screwing around. tbh I do like Rhea, so there's some emotional resonance in everyone being very worried about her and having little voicelines about how they want to pay back the debts they owe to her, and her sadness and suffering and all that. It's not the worst.

She mistakes Byleth for Sothis when collapsing in the cathedral.

They did make a mistake: Rhea transforms in her dressing gown without the mantle or headpiece, but she changes back in full archbishop regalia.

The post-battle exposition exposition is kinda... ah yes, all nations in Fodlan are gone, but you see the Church is leading people toward a new... nation? How does this work. Sorry, but I don't see a religious government (??) as a good thing.

Rhea says she had a vision of flying free and speaking with Sothis while near death. She's happy she survived... so am I.

Rhea's wish was for peace, but she admits fault in propagating a false history and deceiving the faithful. And she did a bit of forbidden experimentation on the side, obvs. We forgive her tho.

I wish there was a gen way to save her, without the romance. It's such a good coda, honestly, without the marriage.

I wish Byleth was a more concrete character. Not necessarily a super detailed one, but with at least some grounding traits.

Still, Rhea romance scene is pretty good. WAY better than Flayn. Why can't I do this on VW..........

Endings: Ashe takes over Gaspard as the new lord. Galatea was "seized" what the heck, though Ingrid did rule it. Felix still ended up Duke Fraldarius. Sylvain talked his way into peace with Sreng, good on him. Lindhart "escaped the Empire" but went missing. Dorothea fled with her troupe to a secret location. Petra went to Brigit. Caspar fell on a battlefield. Bernadetta because seriously ill and lived as a recluse. Ferdinand returned to his territory but went missing. Catherine became Guardian of Zanado, but why was she shaking up with MY wife in solitude? Because in the ending card with Byleth, Rhea is still archbishop and assists the leader of the new "United Kingdom of Fodlan." Shamir became Robin Hood. Alois became captain of the knights. Seteth became very tolerant lol

[beyourownanchor6]

Our beloved hellsite runs on ducttape and chewed gum for real like a macgyver thing

I used to watch Smallville with my mom and I have sincr rewatched it a couple times. It's s bad it's camp.

Oh i used to love the cw superhero shows. I fell out around the time they did the heroes vs. Nazi dopplegangers crossover special, because seeing mt favorite heroes all decked in ss outfits was triggering to me as a Jew.

Yeah i totally get that.

Shooting star is the glee school shooting episode. It's the worst example of them butchering a serious issue but there were many (suicide, post partum depression, eating disorders...). Yeah exactly. It is an interesting documentary though. I found it curious how they barely dedicated any time to mark salling. Like usually a documentary like that would milk the scandal as much as it could, but they barely touched on it.

Lol exactly!! And thank you. Yeah me too i'm wearing them right now! They make me look like a bearded Velma. I like that.

Oh i look forward to rambling about the bike riders! Ooh my favorite marvel characters or ships... i like Spider-Man, the Scarlet Witch, Agatha, Bucky, Quicksilver, both Captain Americas, Captain Marvel, Ms. Marvel, Thor... as for ships, I ship Buck and Steve, mostly, but I also like the thought of most of the guys making out with each other. What about you? And lol i still listen to hannah montana often.

Oh SAME! I'm trying to get back into books without sacrificing much of my fanfic time. It's tricky. And you're right, fanfics are basically endless. Besides, there's the added bonus of "we already care about these characters".

P.s.: are these asks annoying you? Are they too long? Would you rather I dm you?

it really does though, and yet we keep coming back lol.

i think my parents said it got "weird" after a while, and i've definitely stopped other shows for that lol, but maybe one day i'll try it out again.

oof, yea that's understandable. i think arrow was the only one i watched all the way through and i regretted that lmao. they all lost me after a few seasons, but superman and lois has been good all around which was a nice change.

ohhh i completely forgot they did an episode on that! the school shooting ep that always sticks out in my mind is from one tree hill. yea i thought that was weird too. i think since that was so shocking and such a sensitive topic they wanted to steer clear of it? but yea you'd think for the scandal they would've been all over that.

i've thought about writing some fic for the bikeriders, but we shall see! oooh that's a great list! i love thor, bucky, venom, scarlet witch, black widow, hawkeye, echo, both captain americas, and...so many honestly 😄 i think my big marvel ships are sambucky and symbrock, but i did start reading some deadpool and wolverine after seeing the new movie lol

ugh yes!! i told myself i need to catch up on the fics i have open and then make a point to read some actual books. my goal is 20 for the year so i still have 10 to go lol.

not annoying me at all! and i am ok with whatever! i put read more incase it's annoying anyone else lol. but i am good with whatever works for you 😊

[crystalelemental]

"books-are-my-life-stuff: Oh right, EX roles, here you go: https://pastebin.com/vAT9NuVg All I can say is, your wish has been answered, congratulations. And here's the link for SS Cynthia, Lucas, and SS Leon grid expansion because I forgot: https://pastebin.com/5gRXMKtZ"

YESSSSS! Support/Sprint combo fucking rules, I'm so glad they actually gave Cynthia what she needed. Finally, I can know peace. More importantly, fuck Red in particular. They realized he was already the strongest piece of garbage on the planet, and they didn't even give him an EX Role. That's so fucking funny.

Oooohohohoho, man. Okay. SS Cynthia got both layers of grid. Okay. The 5/5 seems shit, the only thing I really like is the Shocked Freebie. HE2 on Dragonbreath is something depending on need but most of the time just let the partner do it. 3/5 grid rules. Furious Brain and Brainpower is fantastic, Sharp Entry 2 is exactly what she needed for her TM, and X Atk Ramp Up is at least nicer self-setup I suppose though it's not accomplishing as much given Cynthia wants to fast-ramp. Very, very good Cynthia month, despite having no new Cynthias.

Lucas basically got nothing of value. The only useful trait is extension on Dragon Zone, and the fact it's a rank 3 kinda stings. I don't know why they gave him Satisfied Snicker, I don't think any Dragons use Devastation.

SS Leon is comparable to Lucas, not getting the best performance overall, but there is one trait I very much like. SMUN each TM. Leon's great at self-setup, so he can absolutely stack that way, and Eternabeam getting the 50% bonus after foe's sync, he's definitely able to play risky in CS with SS Mina saving the team for sure, blast with sync, then with a heavy-hitting Max Move, then an attack. I kinda like it.

It's about fucking time we got back to these PokeFair expansions. Took forever, but I'm glad to see them. Do Steven's 3/5 grid next, fuckers.

[aeoki]

Sandstorm - Pointless Death Game: Chapter 2

Location: Desert Characters: Hinata & Kaoru

Hinata: Oh~ Crazy:B’s rising in popularity, huh. We’re in the same agency so I hear about them a lot.

They caused so much trouble in summer, though. Everyone forgot all about that and they’re just spoiling them.

I guess you could say it’s because our vice president extinguished the flames and did a good job handling the aftermath. It was all pretty shocking. You know what they say, once on shore and we pray no more blah blah blah.

Kaoru: A win is a win in this industry~ In fact, it’s like that generally in society. I think it’s all based on the truth that ill weeds grow apace.

Even if you’re a good kid who doesn’t stand out, the system that has been established won’t allow you to succeed with just those things. It’s sad to admit but that’s the reality of it all.

Hinata: Then, we’re–

Kaoru: But well, we’re not meant to be “bad kids”, so there’s no need to pretend to be bad. I’m tired of that and acting like a delinquent isn’t fun at all – In fact, it’s just exhausting.

Since that’s the case, it’s better to just do your best earnestly, little by little, right?

That fits me a lot better. I can’t say for the rest of the members in “UNDEAD”, though~

Besides, succeeding using Crazy:B’s way of doing things is normally something that’s really hard to pull off.

They succeeded by repeatedly doing risky gambles and winning.

But all it takes is one loss and they’ll be walking on thin ice. If they have someone they want to protect – someone they care about – then, they shouldn’t live like that.

They should just be salarymen; work earnestly little by little and get a salary at the end of every month. What’s wrong with doing that?

People might say they’re amazing if they make it big and land the jackpot at the casino.

But that’s definitely lower than the possibility of earning enough to keep on playing for the rest of their lives. Crazy:B got lucky but it’s not like everyone can be like them.

But anyone can be an idol. If you’re loved by someone, then that means you’re already an idol, right?

Hinata: …………

Kaoru: If you become that kind of idol, then anyone can make a profit. They’re trying to make a system that will make that happen…

This system of Tenshouin-kun’s – of ES�� – is something I think that’s worth praising and supporting.

If this “SS” is something that will stabilise and help ES grow, then I’d be happy to help however I can.

I think everyone else must think similarly.

So even though they’ve realised that this year’s “SS” is a bit strange, they’re trying to not go against them and are instead cooperating in the meantime.

Anyone would be overjoyed to see their agency flourishing.

Hinata: That’s true but there will be people sacrificed, so you can’t call it justice.

Kaoru: Yeah. There are plenty of units who don’t like that idea. And people who simply dislike the fact that Tenshouin-kun is the one leading it all.

But ES is most definitely improving our positions as idols and they’re providing us with a stable source of income.

There are a lot of people who are saved by ES – by their systems.

As long as that truth stands, ES still counts as one definition of justice. Then, that justice collides with other kinds of justice and the justice that’s left standing will be the true justice.

We’re just in the middle of comparing the different kinds of justice. “SS” is probably that sort of war.

Hinata: It feels like there’s been a war going on since forever at Yumenosaki and ES~

Kaoru: It probably started when we were cavemen, but we’ve just changed our methods and used different things, right?

But fortunately, humanity has gained experience and evolved. Right now, there is a war by the name of “SS” that’s going on in this country…

But unlike the wars of the past, which involved the firing of bullets, people won’t die here and blood won’t be spilt. We’re making people happy with our singing and dancing.

It’s a very peaceful war – it does sound contradictory, though.

I’m happy to support such a war. No, I acted like I didn’t care during the War, but this time, I want to do something.

There’s not much I can do but if there was something that I could’ve done back then during the War, then…

Maybe I could have protected Rei-kun, Kouga-kun, Kanata-kun, Souma-kun or someone else. That might have been impossible, but maybe I could’ve lessened the damage and healed their wounds.

…Just maybe, you know? I don’t want to grow old just by regretting it and thinking I could’ve done something but didn’t.

I’ve been forcibly involved in the war anyway, so I don’t want to run away crying and acting like a victim – I want to do something too.

Currently, all I can do is wander in this desert, though.

But I’ll do my best wandering at the very least. I’ll do what I can. Maybe I’m being made to dance in someone’s palm, maybe I’ll end up regretting it someday.

I don’t want to choose to “do nothing” anymore. Hinata: …………

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ← Previous Chapter ᠂ ⚘ ˚⊹˚ ⚘ ᠂ Next Chapter →

[raveneira]

Warning: Anti BoruSara, KawaSumi, KawaAda, if you ship any of these then obviously dont read, you've been warned.

Just gonna throw this out there cuz its been a while and antis have gotten a lil too overconfident so Im just gonna give a little reality check and some hope to the fandom since its our month right now and so Im here to spread some positivity for our month, since I know antis would love to try and ruin it for us, I aint gon let em.

As much as antis will try to convince you guys that KawaSara is dead yatta yatta yatta dont buy it, its all gaslighting, their using the unknown to try and pretend its something definitive when there isnt

They try to tell you they hate eachother yet wheres any panel that shows this? when have either of them said they hate eachother? you wont find anything because it doesnt exist, they base it solely on the fact that they got mad over a disagreement [which Boruto did too but nobody said they hated eachother] and that he 'tried to kill her' [which he didnt it was a sparring match and he flat out says he wasnt tryin to kill anybody] and then their conflict in 78, which still doesnt count as Kawaki trying to kill her, he tried to SPARE her cuz his only target was Boruto, he told her not to intervene and she did anyway, and even after saying he was only giving her one chance he STILL gave her another chance to live instead of killing her and Boruto both, which he didnt have to do if he genuinely wanted to kill em both.

They try to use the timeskip chapters thus far as proof they hate eachother but notice how the timeskip conveniently hasnt let them interact at all let alone really even mention eachother? so how are antis convinced theres this deep hatred and hostility between them when they havent even interacted or said how they feel about eachother at this point in time?

And lastly they try to use their lack of interaction as a gotcha as well, but literally SS had the same exact issue, in case ppl forgot Sakura was away and didnt interact with Sasuke for 3 yrs straight, Sasuke was their enemy at the time and he had chosen to walk the dark path, and after their first reunion their interactions since then were few and far between and yet their an endgame ship, so why is it different for KawaSara? and the difference is Kawaki and Sarada actually have an even bigger advantage than SS did because they've been together in the same village for those entire 3 years, they very well could've had plenty of interactions off screen we're unaware of for all we know.

But antis will try to convince you that all of this is a bad thing, that this is all a ship ender, that theres no chance at all and its too far gone etc etc but like I said this is all gaslighting bs.

KawaSara isnt dead, far from it, and the reasons antis use for why the ship is sunk are all bs, they simply use the unknown [the assumption of no interaction, the assumption of them hating eachother, the assumption that Sarada doesnt/wont forgive Kawaki etc] but if you take a moment to really think about their points [or lack thereof] you'll see its them forging a narrative out of their own theories rather than whats actually canonly stated.

You could easily take Sasuke stabbing Naruto in the heart and nearly choking him to death as him hating Naruto and genuinely wanting him dead, but obviously that isnt the truth and we all know it, but could you make that argument? yea if you just look at everything at face value you can argue everytime Sasuke tried to kill Naruto it was out of hate and genuine want for him to be dead cuz he couldnt stand him, but again we all know thats false.

Its the same for KawaSara, you can easily argue at face value that they hate eachother based on surface level reading like 'he tried to kill her, they argued with eachother, they got into a fight, that means they hate eachother' but anybody with critical thinking skills and being objective can tell that no, thats not the case, theres way more nuance than that.

So anyway to cap this off, dont let the antis get to you and dont fall for their bs, their gaslighting you with the unknown because their scared of what their ACTUAL thoughts and feelings about eachother actually are and WHAT kind of interactions they possibly had over this time and what interactions they WILL have in the future, so heed my words when I tell you this...

Their not confident in the unknown they try to gaslight you with, their actually terrified of it, because literally anything could happen right now and they know it and it scares the hell out of them because just as Ikemoto could reveal that yea they despise eachother now, he could also reveal their actually cordial but Sarada obviously doesnt agree with his methods and is working against him regardless, no different than Naruto and Sakura disagreeing with Sasuke and working against him.

Im not claiming to know exactly where the story is headed [unlike some ppl] but I can make educated guesses based on experience and knowledge of many tropes and how their used etc but thats a topic for another post.

In conclusion, dont let them fool you by pretending that they have the upper hand here, they dont and they know it, until we get any real info/insight on whats happened between Kawaki and Sarada over this timeskip its anybodys game at this point so dont lose hope and dont listen to the haters.

Trust me when I say its not over yet, I cant convince you to believe me, but I hope you can atleast trust my judgement because I havent been wrong yet, and if you think I have well just look at this old bingo card I made way back about what would be changed/removed in the anime and how much of it I actually got right vs what I didnt

This was early in the Kawaki arc btw that I wrote these, completey forgot about I had made it, came across it again months later and realized just how much I got right.

So if yall think you cant trust my prediction skills, heres one more bit of evidence of my accuracy

This was after the Boruto death chapter and everyone was theorizing how everyones gonna react to his 'death' etc and I saw from a mile away none of that was gonna happen and it was all gonna be resolved and sped past in a single chapter tops and rushed right into the next plotline and guess what? I called all of that, only thing I didnt get exactly right was the Kawaki and Hina and Hima thing since they didnt even show him interacting with them after that so...didnt exactly get it wrong, it just wasnt shown so we dont know what happened between them fr fr.

I have more moments of me calling the future but this gets the point across enough, I cant force you to trust me nor am I trying to, just saying if you were unsure if you could just take my word for it like those 'trust me bro' sources, I wanted to assure you that Im not and that I really DO be knowing what Im talking about.

Anyway, its up to you from here, trust me or dont trust me if you want, but just know antis are only talkin shit like they are now because their scared now more than ever but hey dont take my word for it, lets see how this goes.

Note: How does any of this relate to Ksu and Kda? because antis insisted Sumire was gonna fake liking Kawaki because of omnipotence to hide from Ada that shes unaffected only for her not to hide it at all, and antis tried to argue that Kawaki and Ada will work together now and he'll get closer to her over time only for them not to be working together in the slightest and for them to be just as distant as they were before. So yea all the negative things they try to gaslight you with for KawaSara, their doing so as a smoke screen so you dont see how their bs is actually slippin through the cracks.

[jodilin65]

FRIDAY, MARCH 31, 1995 I just tried to call Tammy but she’s still busy. I want to ask her what temperature and for how many minutes she recommends cooking two big potatoes. For all the shit Tom’s gone through today I want to make him a spaghetti dinner with baked potatoes. I told him I was afraid of this happening, but anyway, they’re fucking him around with his severance checks from AMEX. First, they “conveniently” lost it, then they have it waiting for him way the hell out by the Crystal Creek apartments and he’s gotta spend so much money on gas. I remember how I always had to go through the same old shit with food stamps, SS and SSI. Also, one person tells him one thing, while another person tells him something else. Is that familiar to me, or what? Well, I’m honestly glad that I’m not the breadwinner and driver of this household. Poor guy.

I got a really cool letter from Alex today. He’s now using AOL and says he bought his own computer. He says AOL has more deaf users. Tom suggested we try to get me in touch with deaf people that way. Anyway, where does Alex get the money to buy himself a computer?

The envelope and stationery he used were really cool. I’m gonna stick them both in my binder. The most impressive thing was the hands spelling out “Hi Jodi.” I want that and I must ask Tom where we can get the alphabet. I’m sure it can’t be that hard to find. If we’ve got smiley faces, Christmas stuff, and all kinds of other symbols like animals, flowers, etc., I’m sure we can find it. Maybe it’s something Alex can send just like we sent Tammy’s disks of games.

Later…

That was the best spaghetti I ever made! Yup, it definitely helps to get the water boiling first.

I called Tammy back, but she just got in and hasn’t seen the girls cuz she was with Bill.

She gave me a tip on making those baked potatoes. She said to not bother wrapping it in tin foil, but that it’d probably be an hour. She said to poke holes in them, rub oil on my hands, then on the potatoes.

Next time we talk, I’ll not only find out what’s up with Bill but also tell her about the fingerspelling on Alex’s letter.

Later…

Andy just called and I had to go take my second dump of the day.

Yesterday Tom finally got my door sanded. Not well enough, though, so he’ll have to do it some more. Most importantly, he put a vent in the lower part of the door for when the EC is on. This will make it so much more convenient. Now I don’t have to open that door.

Remember that old fashion, ugly New England-looking wall paneling that was in the kitchen? Well, this is what he’s been using to build the cigarette machine.

An idea came to mind for a magazine rack in the bathroom. Right now there’s a black satin bag nailed up that was a slip from an old “Stevie” dress Andy gave me. I asked him to cut me two pieces of wood that are 12 x 16 then a thicker piece that’s 2½ x 16, sand them smooth, and drill two holes up top of one of the 12 x 16 in the two top corners. Then I’ll nail it together and put contact paper on it.

Larry oughta get his edit tape today.

Later…

I sure got a lot done today! I surprised Tom with that magazine rack. However, this idiot forgot to put sides on it as well as to make the front lower so it’d be easier to put up. I tied yarn around it and made a tassel/bow in front. Instead of taping the yarn for extra security, I taped it with contact paper, rather than regular tape. That looks cool. Tom helped me get it up. It does look a lot nicer than that black bag I made.

I’m gonna try to get ahold of Larry on Sunday. That’ll give him the weekend to check out the edits.

Tom got me two new puzzle books today, as I’ll be done soon with the one I’ve got and still have to wait a month or so for the ones in the mail.

We also got soap refills of bubble gum and watermelon.

He picked out Dad’s birthday card which we’ll mail out tomorrow. I’ll be calling him on the 5th.

I finished typing 88, the second storybook. Tom has a total of 50 pages to read tomorrow.

Earlier we revised our list of stuff to do, make, and get.

Tom said he can find and download the sign fonts on AOL easily. He’ll also put Alex in my AOL “address book.”

THURSDAY, MARCH 30, 1995 Boy, am I both shocked and proud of myself! Yesterday I slept longer than life itself. Over 12 hours when I usually sleep 6-9. I was afraid I’d fuck my schedule up as much as I’m dying to get these bandages off and I will one way or another. I fell asleep last night from 3 AM - 6 AM and have been up since. I do intend to easily conk out, though, within the next few hours.

Got a Bob letter today.

I may have forgotten to say that I mentioned to Kim about my not hearing from Alex. When they recently ran into each other she thought he might have said something about going away for a while. Out of state for some kind of soccer competition.

If I had a million bucks I could bet it on the fact that Jenny C will also be hearing those edits. She’ll certainly have mixed emotions about them. It’ll bring back unwanted memories of me harassing her with some of them. She’ll probably also find them funny.

Due to my being married now, there are an awful lot of people between his family and mine. In his family, they don’t give presents for birthdays, anniversaries and stuff like that. Only for Christmas and only the parents give their kids presents. Therefore, I asked Tammy if we could do only cards for each other’s birthdays and anniversaries, but send whatever for Chanukah. She said that’d be fine. I mentioned this to my parents and I’m sure there’ll be no problem.

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 29, 1995 Been busy with typing and stuff like that lately. I typed up 87 and I hope to get 88 done the day after tomorrow. Believe it or not, I’m gonna let Tom read what I’ve got typed up of my story so far. I’ve come quite a way since last April 13th when I began typing up all these journals.

Kim called earlier. Things are still great with this guy Doug who she’s been with for about a month now, I guess. He’s got our same sense of humor, naturally, otherwise she wouldn’t be with him.

He’s got a PO Box in CT where he’s from down in Vernon. He doesn’t know I live here, so as a joke I’m gonna mail him a wacky letter. Kim says she’ll certainly hear all about it.

Amazingly, Minnie’s been in touch with her. She’s thinking of taking her to see Bob, as they both want to. Especially Minnie who hasn’t seen him since he went into Walpole. That was before Concord and where he is now in Gardner.

We did some yard work around here today and we got the backyard looking a hell of a lot better.

I never paid attention before to notice, but Tom showed me that on the canister vacuum, you can also make it a blower if you move the hose to another hole. It’s not the most powerful thing, but it’s good enough. I blew off the cement around the pool as well as the patio.

A couple of nights ago at 9:30 ET, I called Larry. He was out, but Jenny answered. I spoke to her and Sandy. I let her know I was sending Larry something very wacky that wouldn’t make any sense. He’ll probably figure it out, though. I’m sending a tape of some edits. I’m sure he’ll be cracking up like crazy. He too has a weird sense of humor. Sandy will probably get a kick out of it, too. He should have it Friday. Also, Sandy told me Larry loves to get letters from me and that the last one was great. That’s cool to know.

What am I forgetting to mention now? I don’t know, but I’ll be back if I think of anything else.

Later…

I typed up Doug’s crazy letter for Kim which will go out tomorrow. He’ll probably get it Monday.

I forgot to mention that the kids next door have been a million times quieter. I am truly shocked. I just don’t believe it! I don’t know how long it’ll last, but it’s been great. I love it and I wish I sent that letter to them a long time ago. With them quieter, with not hearing their dog hardly ever, and with the music across the street long gone, it’s been wonderful. The most peaceful place I’ve ever lived. Also, this fan is a true gift from God that I could never and would never sleep without. Again it makes me wonder if I really want to fuck it all up with a baby. After it took so long to gain all this peace, little by little. Well, I still don’t think having a kid is in the cards with or without him cumming, so that’s the least of my worries.

Anyway, I believe I’ll go do some word puzzles for now. Did I mention that I sent Bob about 100 puzzles in a manila envelope? Yup, I did. He’ll be very pleased.

Wow, I just realized something. This journal should stretch to at least April 1st. That’ll make it the longest-running journal in quite a while. Lastly, I only have 2½ and a half more tapes to edit. That’s definitely it for now, but I’m sure that as soon as I put this book down, I’ll remember something else.

Later…

Yup, I did. It’s about Tammy. She told me something I wasn’t at all surprised to hear. Lisa and Jenny had made plans to get together, but Jenny’s been stalling, I guess. Tammy finally said that she told Lisa, “Hey, you called there twice. If they really want to, they’ll call you back.”

This is exactly what I thought would happen, though. Tammy says she hasn’t heard from Larry since he was there. I could see that he came here cuz he wanted to, but he went there only to make Mom and Dad happy. Especially dad. I really don’t think Tammy or Larry should even bother with one another, either over the phone or in person. It’s just not in Larry’s heart and Tammy only gets upset.

Anyway, I really wish to hell I could be there to see his reaction when he goes to play that edit tape. I wonder how much of it Sandy and the kids will hear? I can’t wait till we talk and to hear what he says about it. Also, about his trip to Tammy’s. I can just imagine what he’ll say about that, even though the only ones that I’ll tell are Tom and Andy.

MONDAY, MARCH 27, 1995 I’m going to be hibernating in my bedroom for a few more hours. This is because we’ve had a cool spell the last 3 days and we’ve already killed the pilots on the wall heaters. I now have the portable one on now in the bedroom. The good news, though, is that it’s supposed to hit 80º today and I don’t think it’ll get this cool again until next winter. The days have been fairly warm. Between 80º - 90º. It’s just that the last few days were only 70º - 75º and it got chilly at night. With Arizona being so dry, the 50s here feel much cooler than the 50s in MA.

Goldie called yesterday. I spoke to both her and Al and Tom talked to Goldie. They’re doing fine and are very happy about my surgery going a hell of a lot better than last time and that it’s pretty much over. All I have to deal with now are a few follow-ups and I can’t fucking wait to get this bandage off. It’s not that it’s painful or even that uncomfortable, it’s just itchy here and there. My arm’s itchy, too. If my scalp itches, I can’t scratch it for the most part as 80% of my scalp is covered.

Did I yet mention that Tom got his hair cut about a week ago? Although I like his hair longer better, it really doesn’t look bad at all. I was thinking he may end up looking rather geeky.

He tried to “shock” his system the other day. I had told him how I was almost starving myself for 3 days or so back in Sept. of ‘85 to lose weight. I told him how after trying so many hopeless and useless things, I had discovered the key to weight loss was in your metabolism. I stopped counting calories and believing it was what I ate as well as how much. I told him it takes several tries. I sure as hell had to try a million times before I could muster up enough will to eat only a few bites, drink liquids, and take vitamins. Especially when I did this at the time I was working at the Harley Hotel in Enfield, CT with all that free delicious food for lunch.

Anyway, I’m bigger than I have been in a while and am sick of the bulk of my favorite clothes being too tight, so I’m gonna “shock” my system for a couple of days or so. The thing of it is, though, believe it or not, it’s sometimes easier to lose and keep off a lot of weight than it is to do so with 5-10 pounds. What the scale says, though, is irrelevant; it’s what the measurements say. Mine could afford to drop 2-3 inches. Tom, who tells me I look fine, says I’m already too light to lose more weight. I can only tone and try to change my shape and the answer to that is exercise. Perhaps he’s right. However, we can’t change our shapes. We can only control it and alter it a bit, but I cannot exercise now anyway. My upper body is still firm, but my lower could definitely use some tightening up.

I suppose most people would tell themselves not to bother if they’re gonna try getting pregnant in the next few months, but you know I can’t believe, think, or live that way. I work with and make do with what’s happening today and I don’t count on nothing. Especially something as incredible as my getting pregnant. Incredible seeming, that is.

I was going to try to coax back my sixth sense, but it just has never been the same since being out here. Who knows if it’ll ever be like it used to be in the future? Especially when I never asked for it in the first place. Perhaps I’ll always have a little more of it than the average person, though. In my opinion, it was my compensation for getting here and getting what I’ve gotten here. If I’m right, then that’s a fine trade-off as far as I’m concerned. Something far more important could’ve been taken away from me instead. The sense of me getting pregnant in April and in the next journal is dwindling. It’s slowly fading, but June is, well, I’m not so sure yet. Regardless of whether or not I’m sterile, I still say that if Tom doesn’t cum by mid-late June or so, he never will. He still continues to talk more sure of and positive about a baby and has always, and still is dropping hints about getting pregnant in June. Well, since I’ve known him he’s been 98% right about lots of things, so we’ll have to wait and see.

There’s still a small part of me that cringes with fear and doubt over the thought of a kid. I wish I could know for sure just how it’d be for both of us. Well, I do believe strongly enough that whatever’s up there has no plans for me to die in the next 10-15 years, so if it truly is a death sentence for me, then it will make sure I’m sterile or that he never ever cums. If I have one and it kills me, then so much for that 10-15 year feeling of life. If I still have one and am miserable or it ruins our marriage, then maybe it wants me cursed and miserable again. I’ll have no idea until and if anything happens. At least all-out suffering and misery are what I feel is the least likely. Otherwise, I’d never have gotten to Arizona. Or if I did, my life here would’ve been made as shitty as in S. Deerfield or even Norwich.

SUNDAY, MARCH 26, 1995 I’m in quite a good mood today. The only negative things I’m feeling are my ear and arm itching. Also, I have to take Ibuprofen every day till I get these bandages off and can let my hair down. With the weight of my hair having to be up all the time, that does cause headaches. It’s not that long anymore; it’s cuz of its thickness. Having these bandages on for two weeks may make it grow a bit faster.

Tom helped me (cuz I’m such a lousy counter) to mark the week before my period so I remember to take water pills before it’s too late and I get so uncomfortable. I did April and May and when I began to do June he was like, oh, no, no, don’t jump ahead. Another hint about his liking the idea of me getting pregnant in June. Whatever month, I’ll still have to see it to believe it, cuz that’s just how I am over some things.

We screwed earlier which was fun. I came, but not surprisingly, he didn’t.

I did some housecleaning today. I dusted and vacuumed. Tom got this really good and powerful all-purpose cleaner. I cleaned the grease stains off the kitchen walls. Tomorrow I’ll do the bathroom and kitchen cabinets. Also, the laundry.

I finished typing 69 and currently only have 5 more regular journals to type up. However, I’m gonna take a break from typing journals to type up my story.

Sadly, the fluorescent bulb we got to use in the back room by the computer is defective. We tossed out its receipt and warranty, so we’ll have to get another one. They’re about 15 bucks, but they last for 6-7 years or so.

FRIDAY, MARCH 24, 1995 Damn, I haven’t done a #2 since the day before the surgery. Is it gonna be like the last time? I hope to hell I’m not constipated for a week like before, then have the runs and massive stomach pains.

I made another bracelet out of macramé. I’m starving and am now making a TV dinner.

I’m surprised Andy hasn’t called yet. Bob really gets on my nerves here and there, but I’ll discuss it after I eat.

Later…

I told Bob not to write little messages or poems on his envelopes. They’re really quite embarrassing and it’s no one else’s business what he’s got to tell me. He said he wouldn’t, but the stupid ass goes and does it twice. He just doesn’t get it and he’s just getting to be more and more boring, corny, with the same old shit to say. I’m thinking of dumping him more and more these days.

I’ve sent him a few word-find puzzles I don’t really like and he likes them a lot. In a manila envelope, I’m gonna send a few I keep with a certain type of print I don’t really care for, and a letter giving him a piece of my mind for the last time.

It’s hard to keep my mouth shut about my desires and fears of having a child. At the same time, though, I don’t want Tom to feel pressured. Why do I still want something I probably can’t have? Especially something that could very well kill me and our marriage. Something I couldn’t handle physically and mentally. Me and others thought I could never handle a relationship, but what if Tammy’s right and my worst fears of having a kid do come true? It seems like it should be much easier for me to never have a child and I’m sure that’s true, but it sure doesn’t always feel easier. I really hope that if I am sterile and if Tom never cums that the definite and potential negatives to having a kid will be enough to drive that desire away.

For about the 8th time I prayed to God to allow me to become pregnant as soon as can be and let us be the best parents we can possibly be and still have a wonderful marriage. If it’s not in my cards, please allow me to deal with and accept it better and help me through that.

I told Tom yesterday that my feeling of conceiving in April was fading, but June was a little stronger as far as a feeling about that. His reaction didn’t surprise me due to comments he’s made in the past. He said June was a good month to get pregnant cuz it’s cooler by the time you’re big. And something about being married at least a year before getting pregnant and it being born in 1996.

Anyway, there are 3 things I have a hard time believing him about. In all other areas, he’s always been 100% honest as far as I’m concerned and could always see and sense. Again those 3 things are:

How he claims Kim and all of us woke him up.

He’s always gonna be cumming “real soon” or “any time now” (I believe him when he says he always gets close by how hard he gets). Then he slows down and pulls himself out as if to keep from cumming. I’m not a guy, but I don’t know for sure, as weird as this sounds. He says he cums by going really slow so he can feel every movement thoroughly and really take in the feeling.

He says I’ll be pregnant soon and soon in his book he says means anywhere from now to 6 months with 2 or 3 being more likely. I don’t know about this cuz first he said I’d probably have one in November, then that became December.

After a cigarette, I’ll discuss my two worst fears, although they are thankfully doubtful.

Later…

I’ve finally been blessed with being able to take a normal shit. A small one, though, so I know I need to catch up.

Anyway, about these fears that are doubtful. I mentioned before my fear of Tom not really wanting a kid, but just saying he does to make me happy. When we first met he did say he could live with or without a kid and would agree to have one if his wife (not knowing I’d be his wife at the time) wanted one.

He’s expressed more of a desire to as time’s gone on, but from oh, say, when we met till up to 4-5 months ago, he’s said comments suggesting it’s not what he wants. Comments like: Jodi, you’re not going to have a child. I like things the way they are. I don’t know if it’s what I want. I’m so busy, I don’t know if I want the responsibility. I never sensed you’d have kids. I don’t think it’s what you really want. Not everyone in the world can have kids, etc.

I believe he’s trying to get me to be more patient by putting off stuff, even though I tell him I consider it eager, ambitious and motivated, but how do I know for sure that some other woman or person didn’t really hurt him in ways he’s never said? Like promised him something they never gave him and he wants to “even the score?” I highly doubt this, but that’d be nearly as bad as being sterile for sure or him never cumming if he’s planning on always and knowingly doing all he can do to keep me from getting pregnant. I would be very resentful if I ever found out for sure or got highly suspicious of him trying to keep us forever childless. It’d be bad and unfortunate if he said he didn’t want one or if I am sterile, but that’s very different than having someone knowingly and intentionally playing around with a serious issue with you and your head. Well, I’m still 99.9% sure he’s not a Scott M so that’s good.

Can’t wait till I get these bandages removed on April 4th. They’re not nearly as uncomfortable as the ones in Boston, but it’s not heaven, either. I do have some itches here and there.

I took the small wimpy headphones that go to the Walkman to use in my box. With these, I can adjust it so the left side is in the back of my head away from that ear while the good side is right on my ear. I can’t do that with my big kick-ass ones. They sound lousy, but it’ll do for now. Tom doesn’t mind if I play the box while he sleeps cuz he is a heavy sleeper, but occasionally I do like headphones anyway. I only like to blast it in the daytime. You see, I couldn’t give a shit or care less if I woke them up next door at 3 AM. I just don’t want to disturb any other people around here that never have been rude and disrespectful to my peace and quiet. I suppose, though, I should forget about others and just live my own life as everyone else does. People go about their business, doing whatever it is they do at all hours of the morning, afternoon, evening, and very late at night.

I sure wrote way more than I expected to tonight, but I really enjoyed it. It’s great to write out new things as well as stuff I’ve mentioned a million times over and get it all out. Tom has never ever discouraged me from talking to him. It’s just that I don’t want him to feel pressured or burdened and he isn’t here and awake 24 hours a day.

THURSDAY, MARCH 23, 1995 I said to Tom that I thought this would be the last story I write. He disagreed, so we’ll see. He’s almost always right.

As far as him being right about my being pregnant soon? I just can’t see it. He still insists he’s not holding back, as far as his not cumming. Whether he really is or not, I just can’t see him magically cumming one day soon or ever, after not doing so with me for so long.

I’ve heard different stories as far as the odds of conceiving without the guy cumming. Some say it’s one in millions. Others say one’s bound to make it up there eventually, but will just take longer.

Since I’ve known Tom he’s been 100% honest with me except for two things as far as I’m concerned. About Kim, Phil, Alex and I waking him up, and also when he says he isn’t holding back. I once made the comment to him that he could cum whenever he wanted to. He said he agreed. There have also been other statements made that tells me he’s holding back, too. I really do believe his desire to have a kid, though, so my first guess is that he was holding out till now till about June.

The second theory is that deep down he really doesn’t want one and is just a damn good actor. A better actor than I could ever have imagined. We’ll just have to wait and see what happens by the end of June. If I’m not pregnant by July or so, then I’m really gonna put some very serious thought into a hysterectomy. Cuz at that point whether I wanted a kid or not, was sterile or not, what will be the point of dealing with periods till I’m in my 50s?

He’s been acting like things will change, saying all we want is right there ready to be taken and had, but we’ll see. He’s been saying he was gonna cum every month since we began having sex. The bottom line is that we��ll still love each other just as much with no kid. Probably more so, cuz we won’t have it to take our time away from each other and fight over it.

The only thing I’d be disappointed about is if he never admitted he was holding back or did have something wrong with him should many more months go by before I got pregnant or if I never did. More so if he blamed me for it after he says it’s not my fault. Believe me, I haven’t blamed myself in a very long time, cuz I know he can cum by me as easily as I can by him. I also think he may enjoy the feeling of a hard-on more so than of an orgasm. This is weird and would drive me crazy with the frustration of needing to be relieved but to each their own.

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 22, 1995 Tom bought me 3 of my favorite pens today in black, blue and red, so I thought I’d start off with the black one.

As I said before, God doesn’t have great timing with everyone’s life events, otherwise teenagers wouldn’t get pregnant, but he sure does with me. My period held off till last night.

They weighed me as 102 in the hospital, but I’m sure I’m now 98-100. The first time I was operated on last December, I weighed 104.

I still haven’t had to take a pain pill. I’ve been up and about as usual. The only thing I can’t do is wear my headphones, so I just sit by the boom box as the last time.

Again it scares me and pisses me off to think - what if I never met Tom? Would Medicaid or Medicare have done a damn thing about my needing to take care of this?

No.

Mom and Dad called about an hour ago. Dad started off really loud saying, “Jodi Lin! Can you hear me?”

I told him how easy this one went and they thanked Tom for calling them yesterday at the hospital. He called Tammy, too. I tried to call her but got no answer. Things aren’t going well with Bill, Tammy told Tom.

Later…

Andy and I left messages for each other yesterday. He’s doing fine.

Tom also got me a couple of word find magazines and soon I’ll be getting them by mail. Every 3 weeks, 17 a year for $16.25.

I finally have all the journals that I’ve typed up on the computer on the main hard drive (C drive).

TUESDAY, MARCH 21, 1995 Back again after doing some editing.

I ate for the last time at 11:45. I did the dishes, polished my disgusting-looking nails, and made up a bag with extra clothes in case of an emergency.

Got a letter from Bob today. Nothing’s new with him.

Guess who else is having surgery today? Andy. Yup, he’s having a root canal done. At least I think that’s what it is. Anyway, he won’t be put out; just given Novocain like I was when I had my wisdom teeth pulled. He’s having all 4 of his wisdom teeth pulled.

Later…

I just got off the phone with Andy who’s quite nervous about his appointment tomorrow. We laughed about all kinds of things which helped to keep our minds off our surgery for a while. He called Karson, who only knows me as Mystery. She and Andy have never met in person, but Andy sure was right about one thing. This 22-year-old naïve girl is one fucked up puppy. She’s a total combination of Fran, Nervous, and Ellie. I read bits and pieces of an old journal and she totally believed everything I said. You can be so abusive to her and call her every name in the book. When I said she had a warrant out for her arrest she completely believed it and even called the police dept. to ask.

The 3 of us definitely have to talk more and I’m gonna record it. She’s great editing material. Andy says she’s home and up all the time and with her around, he never feels the need or urge to make prank calls.

Did I mention the letter I got two days ago from Larry? It shocked the shit out of me. I certainly never expected it. They just got a new computer, so that’s why. He said it’s because he hates writing. It was done on one piece of paper with an advertisement on it for Alpo cat food. He used 4 or 5 different fonts which we also have. He put in a funny joke which reminds me - sometime I’ll have to write down all the jokes I know. It’d be nice to have them all grouped together. He also wrote how when he was at Tammy’s he went to the bathroom, made coffee, and jogged around the block and she was still talking!

Ha, ha, get it?

So, I wrote back that I called her, put the phone down, gave Tom a long kiss, went for a swim, out cruising with Andy, came back and she was still talking! Tom thought it was pretty funny.

Alex must’ve broken up with Chrissy cuz I haven’t gotten any email from him lately.

Gotta go pee, then when I return I’ll mention a new type of journal I may get soon.

Later…

Oh, fuck! I’m really pissed cuz I am soooo damn hungry. I’ll just have to drink a real lot soon and hope that’ll help.

I did do some editing as I was gonna say earlier before Andy called, but I’d like to save the rest for when I’m once again hearing out of two ears.

When I was last out buying journals, I saw some that were about double the size of this one. I’ve seen them several times. Well, it may look funny on my shelves with all the others, but I’d like to get one. Its cover may be just like one of my marble covers, but oh well if it’s like one I already have cuz these sizes aren’t as common as this book I’m writing in. It’ll take quite a while to go through, but I want it for the sake of something different.

I have no regrets about recopying and ditching those 4 small ones I once had, though. Those go way too fast and are a real bitch to write in.

I hear Tom snoring a lot less, so I hope his new contour pillow really does help him.

Later…

Yay!!! It’s over!!! Boy, was this operation a piece of cake compared to the last one. I mean, the difference between this operation and the last one is the difference between night and day. The only thing that was a bitch was the waiting time. They drew blood there, cuz I didn’t have it drawn before. Waking up was easier than I thought it’d be, just as Tom said.

I do have bandages all over my head as I had in Boston, but the good news is that they don’t go under my neck. That was incredibly itchy. He had to do that, though, since there’s no frame to tape bandages to.

I can only imagine how hideous it must look, but I needed that frame taken out. Thank God it’s gone!

Tom got prescription painkillers and can you believe I haven’t had to take even one of them?! My ear and skin graft on my arm are virtually painless. It’s nice to be able to move my jaw to talk and eat since he didn’t have to take any muscle from it. Also, no strap so tight it feels like my skull’s gonna burst.

Before surgery, I told Dr. Nielsen to send my frame to Boston. He said, “Oh, I’d like to do that and tell them to bury it in their graveyard.”

I never saw Dr. Joganic.

Tom called Mom, Dad, and Tammy.

I’ve got more to say, but I’ll be writing on and off as things come to me.

MONDAY, MARCH 20, 1995 Well, it’s the eve of my surgery. I’m gonna be rather brief cuz I want to do some editing since I can’t for a while.

I slept from 7 AM - 11 AM and was very, very tired when Tom got me up. After my noon appointment with Dr. Nielsen, I came home and went right back to bed and slept from 2 PM - 6 PM. The appointment took forever cuz I was exhausted. If I had been awake, it would’ve gone real quick. The anesthesiologist called tonight wanting general information. It’s a male this time. This time around I was told that I can drink liquids after midnight, but I can’t eat.

Well, there’s more I could write about, but I think I’ll save it for later or after the surgery.

SUNDAY, MARCH 19, 1995 Today I slept from around 10 AM - 4 PM. Tomorrow’s my noon pre-op appointment. I don’t know how the hell I’m gonna have the strength to get there, but Tom confidently said there’d be no problem. He’s always right, thank God.

I finished one of the teddy bear puzzles yesterday. Then, I flipped it over, put duct tape on the back of it, and hung it on the wall. I want to do the same thing with the other teddy bear one which I’m halfway through with but don’t know how I’m gonna flip this one as easily cuz the pieces aren’t quite as tight.

FRIDAY, MARCH 17, 1995 Yesterday Tom showed me how to index disks in numerical order on the computer. It was really easy and I did 207 of them. About 20 of them crashed and I had to reset the computer cuz they were old, low-density disks.

Last night Andy and I went to the mountain for an hour and a half. On our way back we stopped at a drive-through and he treated me to an order of fries.

I brought him his taxes which Tom did yesterday. He asked what he should do for Tom. I know he can’t really afford to give him $20 as he suggested to him over the phone, so I suggested a thank you card. He can write some of our famous wacky lines, too. He also told me he has some friends who would really love the edits, so I gave him 10 tapes of one of the sets of backups. We played a few last night in his car. He says he’s gonna go through all of them just in case there’s anything he doesn’t want anyone else to hear.

As of yesterday, he’s been here for 4 years. I’m next on June 9th with my third anniversary.

All’s fine with Tom and me. There are only two things I wish Tom would improve on. I wish he wouldn’t be such a procrastinator. I wish he’d follow through with the projects he gets started on. Yesterday he said he was gonna strip the two chairs outside. He began one of them, but I know he’s gonna take forever to do them.

I also wish he’d pick up after himself a little more. One thing’s for sure and that is that I’m not straightening up the back room anymore, cuz he just turns right around and trashes it.

Later…

I talked with Tom who kindly straightened up the papers on the desk we both use.

Apparently, he flew out of here in a hurry cuz AMEX was jerking him around as far as his check goes. They were supposed to direct deposit it. Instead, they sent it to the Crystal Creek Apts.

Yesterday I got another library book that should be similar to the one I just finished.

We screwed around earlier. With no KY jelly, he was able to get in there quickly and easily with no pain or discomfort felt by me. I sure have “come” a long way. It felt like he was close to cumming. That’s what he said, but he always says that.

He seems to want a kid more and more, and more than once he said, “You’ll be pregnant soon.” I still have to see this to believe it, but right now my feeling is that if he doesn’t cum within a month after the surgery or so, then he definitely never will. What will I think then if that is the case? That he really wasn’t serious about a kid or he’s got a problem he just won’t own up to. I know how sensitive he can be at times.

Next door, amazingly, has been quieter. See? I knew there was no excuse for the way they could get at times and that those kids were controllable.

I made Tom a macramé bracelet in blue and white. I’m making some for me, using a few different color combinations. I have a double-stranded one. One side has black, maroon, purple, pink and white. The other has yellow, orange, red, green and blue.

I’m typing up 68 now and that’ll be done either tonight or tomorrow. Chow for now.

TUESDAY, MARCH 14, 1995 Boy, have we been busy these last few days. Things have been great, though.

It’s been very quiet next door. If it’s a coincidence or not, it remains to be seen.

Tammy left a message earlier saying that Bill’s responding well to his treatment so far.

I finished my library book two days ago. It was a good horror story.

Later…

I’ve done a lot so far with my remixing the edit tapes. I took my old tape recorder that allows me to fast forward/rewind with the play button down and I typed the edits on 3 different tapes. I did this cuz I had some of the same edits on a couple of tapes. It was really wild and cool to see my edits printed out so nicely. In fact, when I’m done remixing all of them, I may print them all out. It’ll be so cool to have every single edit printed out.

Also, when I was screening through tapes and I came upon some edits I thought I may have already typed up that were already on another tape, I could use the search thing on the computer. You type in the sentence or a few words of it and it’ll find it for you by highlighting it.

After I get done remixing and cutting down all my edits cuz they’re too long, I should have about 3 or 4 90-min. tapes. I no longer wish to use other people’s tapes. I’ll also have two sets of backups. I put a copy (10 tapes) in the living room table’s drawer and the other one (6 tapes) will stay with all my other tapes. I’ve already cut two tapes and I have 5 more to cut, but it doesn’t take as long as I thought it’d all take to do. Not that it really mattered anyway.

Later I’ll write in all my file names, excluding journals and drawings. I sure do have a lot of them at this time. Lots of them are stuff I’ve typed up for Tom, too. I have a few hundred files in my directory.

I put the glow-in-the-dark stickers I got from my TV dinner inside the front cover of this book. They don’t stick very well, though, so who knows how long they’ll last?

Andy left me a message the other day and told me to listen to his second message. It was from Donna. She’s also from Springfield, and Fran had her grandmother’s number which he’d constantly call while she was visiting there a couple of summers ago. Well, he’s been calling there again and Andy wanted my advice on the situation. All I could say was for her to either change her number or just hang up on him. He’s bound to try calling here and there, just as he’ll probably try here again someday. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s trying to look up and call all those with my maiden name in the Springfield area, but I don’t give a shit if he does.

I sure do have a lot of files on the computer. About a few hundred. There are lots of files I’ve typed up for Tom, too. I learned how to change the name of a file.

Now for what we got when we went out shopping today. Well, our tax return check came today for $330, so we decided to pick up a few things we wanted and needed. This is my first tax return since ‘86 and it was neat to see that it was sent from San Francisco, rather than from Boston.

Tom got one of those contour pillows, designed to support your neck and most importantly decrease snoring.

He looked around in computer stores, but couldn’t find anything too interesting or affordable.

He wants to get this thing that’s kind of like a chest tripod where you can rest and support a camcorder on your chest while filming. It’d be easier to carry it around too, around his neck, rather than to carry it even though it’s not too big.

We’re also gonna look for a new car windshield shade sometime, as well as more binders and computer paper that’s more stylish.

I didn’t find any word search puzzle books today, but I sure found where to get figurines. A store called Michael’s has lots of really nice ones. While I was there, though, I got some more silk flowers.

At the Old America art store, I got my second dog mug, an Irish Setter.

We went to a bookstore that we’d never been in before and they had a pretty decent journal selection. I got two of them and now I have a total of 91.

We went to a buffet for lunch and to Walmart where we got several things. An awesome fluorescent light for by the computer that doesn’t give off heat. The light is so much more natural too, and this bulb will last for years. We’re going to replace all our lights with bulbs like that.

I got two new pairs of French-cut silk-like panties. One’s purple and the other’s maroon. I ditched two more pairs that didn’t fit or that were old and worn out. I got a package of suede barrettes in different colors like blue, black, white, yellow, red, purple, pink, and sea green. I got 3 new headbands. I had plastic ones, but they could dig into me and get uncomfortable so I got cloth-covered ones in black, white, and purple. I got red nail polish, and lastly, two new 500-piece puzzles. They’re quite cute too. They’re teddy bears. One’s with two teddy bears at a picnic with bowls of strawberries. The other has lace and flowers surrounding them. Later I’ll write an idea I had for the puzzles as well as for flower arranging.

So much for Tom not snoring with this new pillow. I can hear him now.

SATURDAY, MARCH 11, 1995 I have only one more chapter in my library book.

We had a storm today, but it wasn’t much of a big deal. It’s still windy out and a bit chilly, but it’s not raining. Still, I doubt there’ll be any street parties today.

I haven’t heard much from next door, but last night at 10 PM as I was falling asleep, he started to get weird on me with that van over there. He came in at 10:00, shut the van off, got out, then came back and turned it on again. After 2-3 minutes of it running, I figured why bother to wait and see if he let it run for a half-hour or so, so I turned my fan up from medium to high.

Last night I thought I was coming down with a cold. I was sneezing and had a sore throat. Luckily it was only allergies, cuz when I got up I was perfectly fine.

Tom’s working on the cigarette machine now.

We screwed earlier. He wants to screw more and more and he really does want a kid from what he tells me. Oh, Tom. You’re gonna have to cum, though. You’re just gonna have to cum. If that’s what you really want, you’re gonna have to cum.

I began a major project today. It should not take too long to do, but I’m re-editing my 8 edit tapes. There are too many reps on each edit. It gets boring, as funny as they are when they’re each too long. Anyway, I’ve begun to go through and cut them shorter. So far, one whole side of a 90-minute tape has been cut to half a side of a 90-min.

FRIDAY, MARCH 10, 1995 I just finished typing/printing journal 67. I also typed the letter I got yesterday from Kim. Later on today, I may begin letters to Kim, Bob, and my parents.

Can you believe I did not wake up till 5 AM? Yesterday I was up for nearly 20 hours. I never even woke up to go to the bathroom. I weigh 98 pounds too, surprisingly.

When I was writing all about our trip to Vegas and our wedding, I noticed I forgot to mention something. A few days before we were to leave for Vegas, we got rings. His is a size 10 which they had available for him that day. The closest size they had that’d fit me at the time was a 6. They could not get my size before we left, so I had to get it when we came back. At first, I thought a 4¼ would fit just fine, but I had to end up getting a 4½.

Andy hopes to be able to pick up his VCR today. I’m gonna tape his soaps for him again today, for the third day.

I’m not sure if I mentioned this or not, but I rearranged the bedroom walls. You know those plastic-covered pieces of cardboard you stick pictures into photo albums? Well, I took about 9 of them, tore the plastic off and taped pictures onto them. Then, I taped that onto the walls. I did this to protect the pictures and make it easier for me to rearrange them. It’s easier to remove a sturdy piece of cardboard off the walls than the actual pictures themselves which rip a lot easier.

Later…

I thought I heard something from next door yesterday, but couldn’t be too sure cuz I had the fan on. I asked Tom if he heard any wild street parties and he said he only heard them out front for an instant. That was in the late afternoon. It’s a bit chilly till then, but as soon as that sun’s raced around to the front, they race out there. A month from now when it’s warm all day is when I usually hear them on and off all day and they move to the back. If I’m right in my theory about them not giving a shit, then it’s gonna be really fucking noisy out front from about 3:00 - 6:00. It’s to be 80º today.

Later…

Tom’s home now and he’s on the phone now talking with Eldon.

Today was his last day at AMEX. He found out today he’s eligible for unemployment.

Amazingly enough, when he came home, shortly after noon, he said he saw the woman next door leaving. He couldn’t tell if anyone else was with her or not. I can almost bet you that the reason she left, though, was to go to her GYN for her fucking 6th kid that’s on its way, no doubt.

Later…

They just came back next door, but I got a few hours till party time.

It’s hot out there now and I’ve got the EC on now bringing in the fresh air.

Tom and I were just talking about how things were going great now and how we’re in a great position to start the business and have a kid. He’s gonna be sleeping with me more often to make that easier and more possible.

THURSDAY, MARCH 9, 1995 Yesterday they should’ve gotten my letter. They didn’t call or come running over about it, which I’m not surprised about. It’s been peaceful for nearly a week, but I will be surprised if it stays that way. Anyway, they’re quiet a little more than half of the time. Hopefully, it’ll be almost all of the time from now on.

Yesterday I finished my third book on my current story (89). For now, I’ll keep on typing up and printing out story drafts like I normally do but will copy it in when I get a new journal for it which will be 90.

Later…

I am sitting outside now. Boy, is this journal bright in the sunlight! I came out here cuz I couldn’t fall asleep yet. I got up last night at 12:30, so in a few hours, I oughta be asleep.

It’s that time of year now when I have to keep checking the pool which I’m right by for bees. At least they’re not here every other second yet. Not till it gets really hot.

It’s a beautiful day today. Around 75º. The sun’s warm, but it’s breezy. It’s supposed to be in the mid-upper 70s through till Mon. We’re in for some showers and T-storms this weekend too, I hear.

Not a peep from next door, but at this time of year, it’s still a bit early for them. This weekend will be more of a true test. I just may not be awake to test most of the day. At this point, I don’t think they give a shit till and if I see differently. That time I told Dean that I was sorry for going off on his wife when they were moving in, he said he understood. Well, if he understood, then why was it such a circus over there for several more days after I gave a piece of my mind?

That black and white cat I call Oreo just crossed through the yard.

God, it’s getting hot now. I better go in.

TUESDAY, MARCH 7, 1995 I just talked to Andy a little while ago. He sent me an 8-page letter he got last September from his part-time boyfriend in Tucson. He also sent some Gloria pictures and two articles about thousands of prank calls made in Japan. Lastly, he sent 3 pictures. One of him here in Arizona, one of his old apartment building on Belmont Ave. back east, and one of my old apartment building on Woodside Terrace.

Later…

Wow! I actually fell asleep for 2½ hours or so after I last wrote. That’s unusual for me. Especially cuz I slept from about noon yesterday till 9 PM. Once again, maybe something is preparing me to be a day person for something other than the business. For the business, it won’t matter what time I work as long as I get done whatever work needs to be done.

Yesterday while I slept Tom went over to try to fix Andy’s VCR. It’s hopeless, so now I’m stuck taping his shows for a few days. It’s a pain, but I can’t turn a friend down.

Despite Andy’s soaps, there are 3 good movies on tonight. Why is it that there are always so many good things on at once? Well, there are only two VCRs here, not 3, so I’ll have to pick out the two I want to record.

The Gloria pictures he sent are not appealing at all, so I’ll put some in NPN envelopes and mail some to Bob. Bob will probably try to draw them. He sent a letter today with a Gloria drawing. It came out well.

After I show Tom the two prank phone call articles from Tokyo, I’ll probably mail them to Kim.

I saw the interview with Gloria who had 5 male impersonators doing a video for her at the time her baby was due. It was pretty interesting to see, but she looked terrible. Her hair was gross and she looked tired, older, and fatter.

Andy’s letter from Chris will be tossed in an NPN envelope.

When I saw the picture of the old Woodside place, I felt two emotions. First I cringed due to all the painful memories that go with that place. Then I laughed to myself, knowing never ever again will I ever have to live there again or live that kind of a life again! I would take a screaming crying baby to listen to 24 hours a day before I ever lived back east again, alone, or had any part of my old life back again.

Later…

Tom’s at work now and I’m just hanging out doing this and that today.

Tom said he no longer wants to put stuff off that needs to be done, which he said he’d do. That’s cool.

I called Tammy. Bill’s been in the hospital now for two months. She said that last night if she’d had a gun, she would’ve shot herself. Did I ever know that feeling oh so well for so many years?!

I redid my bedroom walls and printed out an updated journal chart.

Today I’m sending the letter next door. They should get it tomorrow. The last few days have been very quiet, but we’ll see how things go in time.

I also finished 66 and am now working on 67.

SUNDAY, MARCH 5, 1995 Yesterday Tom trimmed 3” from my hair. I hated to do it, but it was so dead, and really needed it. Every 6 weeks I’ll have him trim a quarter of an inch.

I’m gonna be mailing them a letter next door. It’s brief and friendly, but blunt. I know them. Their kids are gonna scream up a storm nearly every day till June. Then in the fall it’ll start back up again and die down from November to February. I ain’t putting up with it. It’s that plain and simple. I was here first, not that that should matter when it comes to other people forcing their noise on you. Fair is fair, so I enclosed this number in case my music got loud, but I’m pretty positive they can’t hear it anyway. I told them briefly about my ear, ear surgery, and why certain sounds register differently within me. While they do sound like nice people from what little contact we’ve had, I doubt they give a shit. It’s been obvious enough that they have no respect for those around them, but we’ll see. It’s that time of year where from about 8:30 AM - 7 PM I’ll hear them on and off mostly in the back. If I don’t notice any difference, then I’ll do everything I can think of to go out of my way to be heard over here. I don’t think it’ll make a bit of difference over 5 screaming kids, but I’ll think of something. I feel that if they respond to my request, God will do something else to me, but it’s a chance I’ll take. I just wish I knew what God’s message was in all this. There are only one or two other houses on this street with little kids, so why me? It doesn’t make me want my own any less, but I sure am sick of other people’s kids. My attitude’s still the same - if I’m not gonna hear my own someday, then I don’t want to hear nobody else’s.

Later…

I talked to Andy for quite a while. He said he was going through his stuff and cleaning when he came across a bag with tons of NPN cards I’d given him eons ago. Neither of us cares for or wants them; only envelopes. Then he said he came across 1 NPN envelope that he thought was his and opened it. Instead, it was an old draft of the journal subindex I had begun in ‘92. I did journals 1-22. He said he had hoped I wouldn’t be mad that he read it, I wrote nothing that made me look bad or that I should be embarrassed about, and was totally fascinated by it and how much I write.

I pulled out 16 and read him the note he gave me as he brought me to the airport to go to Florida. This was in late 1989 when I went for my 24th birthday. I also read him the letter I had him write and send to Jenny C. This was after our day in court when he was here and I was living in S. Deerfield.

I wish Tom wasn’t such a procrastinator. He said he was gonna call about stuff we ordered and never got. I can bet you that if I never remind him of it, he’ll never call. He may be busy and not feel well here and there, but there are just too many things he puts off. I really, really believe he’s trying to force patience into me. He denies that, but it does make me wonder. I don’t consider myself impatient, though. Just someone who likes to get stuff done. I also think he’s obsessed with me taking care of stuff he knowingly drops or rearranges. Other than that all is fine.

SATURDAY, MARCH 4, 1995 Yesterday we bombed this place. We left at 5 AM and drove around through PHX, Tempe, and Scottsdale for two hours till we returned at 7 AM. Naturally, we took Piggles with us.

FRIDAY, MARCH 3, 1995 Again, not much has happened. I did finish printing out 64 today. Also, after I worked out I accidentally smashed my can of marshmallow spread all over the kitchen floor.

THURSDAY, MARCH 2, 1995 Not much has happened in the last few days. Today’s appointment went well. The good news is that there should only be about 4 follow-up appointments after surgery, then I won’t have to see him for 6 months to a year.

After all the ear stuff is out of the way. I’ll hardly ever have doctor appointments. Especially since I’ll never have a kid. Knowing I’ll never have a kid is one thing. Accepting it is another. I’m sure I will in time. Once I see that Tom still doesn’t cum after he’s changed jobs, we’re in business, and my ear stuff’s over with, it’ll really sink in. The part about it that I’m grateful for is that if we did have a kid, I know I’ll be missing this life so badly. I don’t understand how I could want to put myself through such shit physically, mentally, and financially, and put our marriage in jeopardy. I’m sure I’ll come to my senses soon enough. There were other things I used to want for quite a while that I no longer want, so my feelings will change for the better if they don’t diminish completely.

Got other things to do, so I’ll write later.

[zaruba-needslove]

20 questions for fic writers

Saw this post by @gekidasa and I thought I wanna do this thing too. Cos I rarely get sent or tagged with this kinda stuff XD

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 581 (including the ones posted anonymously)

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 1,649,635 as of currently

3. What fandoms do you write for? Saiyuki, Goblin Slayer, Code Geass, Yugioh, Yami no Matsuei, some other niche anime and manga titles, Toku series (Kamen Rider, Super Sentai, Ultraman, GARO and one very rare Cybercop fic, a whole bunch of KDramas, JDramas, BBC dramas which includes the Whoniverse and a few original writings. And oh... some game fandom too.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

"Wife" - A Beyond Evil fic... based on this ONE scene that seemed to be so gay lol

Unread - A Descendant of the Sun fic set around the moment priot to the main leads reunion after the guy supposed died/went MIA on a mission

Alstromeria - A Detroit: Become Human fic set on a happy end outcome of the game.

Che ricorda - A Vincenzo fic.

Rouge - A fic based on Tomorrow kdrama

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? Sometimes. Usually when people ask me stuff in the comments I'll definitely give some replies. Or if there's a very enthusiastic one that I can't help responding. Or just to thank people for the comments.

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Unh... this one was a very hard question lol, since I wrote plenty of angsty fic. Heck, my main genre had been angst. Though I guess some of my angstiest fic I've written would be the one I wrote for the Hidarime Tantei Eye jdrama. There's this one Anti Hope AU I did about a scenario where Ainosuke was so in denial about his older brother's death that he actually created a delusion that his brother was still alive.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Hehehe. Another hard stuff, one because I wrote more angst than fluff... and another, I'm not sure that I'm the write person to have a proper opinion about this XD. But if talking about my recent works... I might say my TanuKitsune series. Which basically referring to Sleeping Tanuki.

8. Do you get hate on fics? I did used to get some, just because I mainly wrote LuluKallen pairing in the Code Geass fandom. But in terms of flames... I already forgot about it cos that's like so many years ago.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Hehe. Nowadays... yes. I wrote quite an amount, openly and anonymously. Mostly from the Geats fandom.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? I used to. I wouldn't say any of them came close to being described as 'crazy'. Cos there's one on CCS/YGO and KR/SS multiverse project that revolves around Decade and Gokaiger. In terms of scale, I guess the Gokaiger one was crazy. Like imagine trying to add more inside lore to the one in series since Gokai barely delve too deep when doing all the episodes with the previous teams. Or if you count that tiny crossover I did in some of my Geats fic, yeah that's crazy. Like KR Geats and Team Batista series had NOTHING in common between them.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Has it happened before? I don't really remember.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Several times. I've got someone asking me if they could translate my fic into Russian, and several other requests asking to translate my fics into Mandarin. I forgot if there were any other requests for other languages besides those two.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Nope.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship? Kouga/Kaoru is still my all-time fav even if I don't write too much Garo fic. In that case, KeiAce probably fit the bill more now.

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will? Passing the Torch - because it'll require me to rewatch the episodes and the corresponding tribute series that by know I don't think I'll have enough attention span and time to do and think up stuff.

16. What are your writing strengths? To be honest, half the time I'm not sure what's my real strength in anything. But depending on my level of hyper-focusing at a time I can be pretty good at keeping the voice of my characters... and sometimes people say that I could emulate the same writing style as the original writers, which had been one of the sweetest compliments I've ever received.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Dialogues... maybe, because sometimes I have harder time trying to voice out my characters thoughts on something... also I get distracted/derailed easily so half the time the plot just ran off on its own.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? I usually avoid it unless I'm proficient in said language.

19. First fandom you wrote for? Gensoumaden Saiyuki, I think. Goku/Sanzo

20. Favorite fic you've written? I wrote so many it's hard to pick any favourites tbh But I guess my TanuKitsune series would be some of them. Also Atonement. Just because I love how the plot end up coming together nicely.

Tagging: Not sure if anyone would bother doing this... but feel free if you wanna do this