#therapeutic but ya that was a journey of a journal no

[justmyowntinyworld]

____Healing Journey____

~Healing can look very different for everyone! From the way you heal to the time it take, or even just how it looks on the outside.

~So it’s very important to remember that healing is not a race, it doesn’t matter how far ahead everyone else looks it only matters that your doing what you need to for yourself.

~Not to mention those who look super ahead on their journey could actually be struggling a lot in stuff your not and it just doesn’t show, we would never know!

It’s not a straight line up, it more of scribbles and scrabbles all over the place!!

~And what if you don’t know where to start? that’s an amazing question! You start wherever ya want. Whatever feels good or calls out to you.

~A few things that might help:

Journaling prompts! You can find a bunch online, especially about inner child healing. And if writing things down in a journal seems like a lot, you could use your notes app!

Reclaiming childhood. If you weren’t allowed certain things as a kid, indulge in them now! (ex: if you weren’t allowed to play with “boy toys” but always wanted to, do it now)

Exploring your feelings. Sit in what your feeling and try to understand it, it can be tough but it’s an amazing start to healing and growing.

Start doing little acts of self compassion, listening to what your body needs and accommodating to it. Or stating affirmations to yourself (even if you don’t believe them just yet)

Even just watching things that can be therapeutic help! Shows like Bluey teach a lot of great things!

Throwing away the picture perfect way we are supposed be to according to society. Nobody’s journey is gonna look the exact same, bc we are all different people who function in different ways.

Find healthy outlets for emotions. art, writing, baking, or even screaming song lyrics help release big emotions in us!

~Those are just a few things that came to mind, that i hope can help someone out there. You are important, loved, and seen.

(side note: im thinking about doing a separate post on self compassion at some point in the future just because it interests me)

[moronwithavoice-blog]

i feel so fucking stupid and i shouldn’t. but it’s like everyone i let in, tell stuff to that i don’t want just anyone to know, they don’t do anything with it or me. i’m just a stupid girl that has hilariously bad luck and that’s why they keep me around i guess. i don't know. i feel stupid. can’t keep a friend for my fucking life, or if i make one i discover i don’t like them as much as i thought did. (no joke, i’m sitting here listening to the shins, keeping myself depressed and suicide dreaming haa). 

people i let in, real close, they just turn on me and stab me in the fucking back. or left me with not a one fucking explanation. cold. and cold turkey. i get obsessed with them, i love them and i want them to love me and us to hang out and be buds and they fucking leave me? what did i do to deserve it? love them, maybe too much sometimes? and now. now i’m left with hardly anything, i love tv and movies and celebrities, music, i guess, but who doesn’t? i’m not special. i’m not attractive as a friend. i’m nobody. a loser. a loner. a fuck up. and yeah society put that on me but i’m starting to believe it at college. i want to end it, one less freak to make the general public not feel uncomfortable for a few moments. they’d love that. they’d say aw thats terrible, then move on to the next thing. god forbid they become sad for a while, a bit depressed even, at the thought of someone hating their existence so much they ended it themselves. no, they’d get sidetracked. gotta keep going. for what? what’s the fucking point. people love you, or you think they do, then they leave you. or they say they love you but do nothing for you. you give and they gladly take, and you wait for something but theres just silence on their end. dead silence. and so you get mad, emotional, paranoid. no one fucking appreciates you or cares. being nice isn’t enough. and you’re not enough. you’re pathetic, writing this post on friday night. your mom is dying downstairs and you’re worried about homework or exercise or some other stupid shit. is this why they left you? because you’re the worst? i guess you are. loser. 

i love her, but she irritates me a lot. and she’s going now, so what do i do? how do i live like this, living for her even if we don’t fully connect. i want to die. i wish i could be the one to die. i know thats bad, and hey god if you’re real and listening i don't mean it, but thats what i feel now. and have felt. and will probably continue to feel. maybe it doesn’t feel normal anymore not to feel that way. i think that’s it..

i think i’ve had depression for a lot of my life. i don’t know. maybe. and i think my dad has it too. or has had it. and my sister has, thats clear. but she doesn’t want help, neither does he. they want to self destruct. and i feel that, but i’m here and i let them know  that they know i struggle, but maybe they just blow it off. they blow it off like theirs is valid but mine isn’t because i said i wanted to kill myself i wanted to be dead when i was an emotional teen. 

i should probably go to a hospital soon. i don’t know when tho. spring break maybe. but maybe it'll be too late. or i’ll have convinced myself i’m better by then. will i really be tho? probably not.

i hope i go running in hawaii. in the morning. before the sun rises. i really hope i do. or at least see the sunrise a few times while im there. i need and i want something good i can hold onto. because people, i don’t believe they can do that for me anymore. but that, a spiritual experience like that, i think it would help. and i want to be alone for it. maybe alex can be there if she takes an artsy pic of me or something, she's that type, but i don’t want anyone else. i want a moment of serenity, i want to close my eyes and be engulfed in pink orange light. i want a moment of heaven, or the idea, nirvana. i need it. i really need. 

i’ll look forward to that from now on i guess. i’m going to make mistakes i’m going to fuck up and hate myself more than a few times. but keep going for that, if nothing else.

[mistressdreadwolf]

Unhand Her (Solavellan Fanfic)

[I have had this idea for months now and I had finally gotten around writing it. <3 Writing has been really therapeutic for me these last couple days. I hope to keep writing more. :D Enjoy.]

[Trigger Warnings: Violence and brief mention of physical harm and intention of rape. I should have put these earlier so forgive me. :( ]

Solas and Britannia rode side by side through the dense, serene forest of the Emerald Graves on their Harts. The pair had just finished a more thorough excursion of Din'an Hanin in search of any ancient artifacts. It was a much needed trip for the couple after the stressful experience of Halamshiral.

Night was beginning to fall. The pair dismounted and decided to make camp. A scout they had come across during their journey informed them of the remaining Red Templars that were still in the area. They were apparently few in numbers but still a possible threat. "I think we should both take a watch during the night." Britannia suggested as she set down her pack on a nearby log before securing their mounts.

Solas had begun setting up the tent. He responded with a low hum of approval. "That would be wise considering there are still templars in the region." He glanced at her. "Or would you rather ride a bit further to one of the Inquisition camps?" She simply shook her head.

"It is getting darker, vhenan. We wouldn't want to leave ourselves open for an ambush. There's no telling where they are lurking." She opened her bag and pulled out some supplies. Solas nodded as he turned his attention back to the tent. "Ma nuvenin." The pair busied themselves setting up their makeshift camp.

Little did they know, there was a lone templar nearby watching them from the thick brush.

__________________________

As soon as their camp was set up and a small fire was lit, the two sat together on the fallen log after enjoying a nice meal of Rabbit that Britannia had prepared. She had her head upon Solas' shoulder as he jotted down their findings of Din'an Hanin in his journal. They were content in each other's silence.

He soon closed his journal with a soft thud. He couldn't help the small yawn that escaped his lips. Britannia let out a light laugh as she lifted her head from his shoulder to glance up at him. "Tired already, vhenan? That eager to enter the Fade?" She teased. Solas chuckled softly and leaned in to place a light kiss upon her forehead.

"I woke up very early to prepare for the expedition. If you rather sleep, I can take the first watch?" He offered. Britannia gave him a small smile. "I can take the first watch, vhenan. You go and get some rest. I slept in a bit longer than you. I'll wake you when it is your turn." She leaned up slightly to peck his lips.

Solas returned the small kiss before rising to his feet. "Alright. Goodnight, vhenan. I know you can handle yourself just fine, but do be careful. You know how unpredictable the templars can be." He knew she was a very talented mage but he was very wary about the threat of templars. Britannia lifted her staff and settled it down next to her. "I'll be fine, ma lath. Don't worry."

With that, Solas headed to the tent. As he settled into his bedroll, he couldn't help the feeling of dread that creeped into his mind. He closed his eyes. He tried to sleep lightly, but the mage didn't know just how truly exhausted he was.

__________________________

A couple hours had passed since Solas turned in. Britannia softly hummed a Dalish melody as she added a bit more wood to the fire. Her tune was interrupted by a distant whistling sound. She stopped stoking the fire to glance around her surroundings. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary.

She shrugged her shoulders and turned her attention back to tending the fire when she heard the sound yet again. She grabbed her staff. She glanced in the direction of the tent, internally debating whether she should wake Solas. The whistle broke her from her pondering. She decided to investigate the source of the sound herself.

She made her way towards the sound. She treaded lightly through the grove of trees. She cautiously observed her surroundings with each step she took, keeping her staff firm within her grasp. Something wasn't right. Perhaps she should turn back and wake Solas. When she turned, she bumped into cold metal.

A feeling of fear formed in the pit of her stomach as she hesitated to look up. She stood face to face with a Red Templar Knight. The templar sneered. "Hello, Inquisitor." His voice was gruff and filled with malice. She swallowed heavily and remained silent. A dark laugh left his marred lips. "Look boys...It's the mighty Inquisitor. The blessed Herald." He mocked.

Two other templars emerged from the darkness. The faint light of the full moon reflecting off their armor. "Didn't know luring her would be this easy." The other templar added. The knight simply laughed. "Well she is a knife-ear savage." She narrowed her eyes before casting a well aimed Stonefist at them, knocking them off their feet.

"You bitch!" The third templar cursed as he lunged at her. She dodged him effortlessly before striking him with a quick bolt of lightning. One of the fallen templars charged at her and knocked her back with his shield. Before she had time to recover, the knight struck her with a Holy Smite. She cried out as she fell to her knees. She felt so weak and powerless, but she knew she had to resist.

She gritted her teeth as she tried to stand. Her legs trembled. She lifted her staff to attempt one more spell. She managed to cast a ball of fire towards the knight. The flame singed his already deformed features. It was a small victory. The knight growled before smiting her once more.

The elf's knees buckled. She collapsed to the ground. She felt completely depleted of all her mana. She knew she had lost. The knight approached her and knelt down to look at her. "All heroes fall." He hissed before she felt her consciousness slip away.

_______________________

When she awakened, she was in an unfamiliar place. Everything seemed hazy and unfocused. Britannia attempted to move but her wrists and feet had been bound to a chair. A deep laugh filled the silence. "Well well well...Look who's awake." She blinked her eyes a few times in an attempt to focus. "Not so mighty now are we, Herald?" Another cold laugh.

"How pathetic." One of the men hissed before she was struck hard across her face. All three of the voices laughed in unison at her expense. Through her haze, she could make out the figures of three templars. "You won't get away with this..." She hissed at them.

The knight placed a hand underneath her chin to make her look at him. His maimed face came into focus. "Looks like we already have, pet. The master will be pleased." He grinned as he glanced back at his comrades. "I think we should have some fun before we hand her over. Samson only asked she be brought back alive...He never said in what condition." She felt like a Halla trapped in a den of mad wolves.

____________________________

Solas' eyes snapped open and he sat up in his bedroll. He could barely sense the power of the mark as he slept. He couldn't sense his vhenan. He scurried out of the tent and frantically searched for any sign of Britannia. The fire was nothing but faint glowing embers. She had been gone for sometime. He reached out with his mana to find hers. It was very weak. The feeling of dread filled him once more. Templars.

He grabbed his staff and retrieved his Hart, mounting him. He knew his heart was in grave danger. He needed to find her. He tapped his Hart's side with his foot and whipped the reins. "Ya!" He shouted as the Hart galloped from the campsite in the direction he could sense the mark.

He rode swiftly through the forest in search of her. He finally came across one of the old abandoned villas that were scattered throughout the Emerald Graves. He sensed the faint signature within the abandoned home. A templar shadow guarded the entrance. He knew he had to defeat it in order to get inside.

He dismounted and reached into his saddlebag, retrieving the Ring of Doubt. He slipped on the ring becoming invisible to the danger around him. He crept up on the Shadow, preparing his staff for attack. In a swift, graceful motion...Solas plunged his staff blade into the Shadow's throat.

The blood spattered onto his face and tunic as he watched the body crumple lifelessly to the ground. His icy gaze fell onto the door. "I'm coming, vhenan." He murmured to himself as he entered the villa.

_____________________________

It seemed like hours that the templars tormented her. They beat her, mocked her, and demeaned her....she refused to break. The knight circled her chair with a predatory gaze on his face. "You know...You're quite pretty for a knife-ear." He stopped in front of her, caressing her swollen and bruised cheek before leaning down to whisper. "Let's have a little fun. What do you say, Herald?" The way he purred her title caused her to shudder in disgust.

She spat into his face. "May the Dread Wolf take you." She hissed at the knight. He recoiled from her and wiped his face before grabbing her around her throat. "Your gods are useless here, rabbit." He tightened his grip and cackled. "Where's your wolf now?" The other templars joined in with his laughter.

"Remove your hands from her or I will remove them for you." Another voice growled. All of the templars grew silent and glanced towards the door. Solas stood in the doorframe with a look of rage. Britannia felt an overwhelming sense of relief and joy at the sight of him. "Solas..." She uttered breathlessly.

The knight scoffed at him. "Ah. You must be her knife-ear lover. Well you can watch as we take her right in front of you." He cackled once more before grabbing a fistful of her hair. She cried out in pain. "Get him, boys." He commanded.

Both templars charged at him. Solas stood in the doorway calmly as they came closer to him. With a smug huff, he fade-stepped behind them. He knocked one back with a Stonefist before trapping him within a Static Cage. The templar fell lifelessly to the floor.

The other templar lunged at him and swung his blade at the apostate. Solas dodged the attack before countering with veilstrike, stunning him briefly. He smirked and with a snap of his fingers...he encased the templar in ice before shattering him into pieces.

"Stay back!" The knight shouted as he stood behind Britannia with a dagger blade to her throat. "You come any closer and I'll kill her." He pressed the blade against her throat, drawing a bit of blood. Solas narrowed his eyes at him. In a blink of an eye, he fade-stepped behind the knight and wrapped an arm around his neck, jerking him backwards away from Britannia.

The dagger clattered to the floor. The knight struggled against the apostate's hold. Solas leaned in to whisper in his ear. "I told you not to touch her." He then snapped the knight's neck and practically threw him to the floor.

Solas stepped over the knight's body and retrieved the dagger. He cut the bindings on her wrists before moving in front of her. He knelt down to cut the bindings around her ankles. Britannia fell from the chair and wrapped her arms around Solas' neck.

"Vhenan.." She sobbed into the crook of his neck, clinging to him tightly. Solas wrapped his arms around her and held her against him, stroking her hair. "Shhh, vhenan...I'm here. You're alright." He stood and lifted her into his arms, cradling her slender form against his chest. "Let's go home."