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5 things to consider when facing divorce

An unintended consequence of the COVID lockdowns is more divorce filings.  Regardless of the reason behind your divorce, there are a few things to do before you file or before your spouse files.  

1.Get your financial house in order.

It is important to understand what comprises the marital estate and what is separate property. Exact valuations of marital assets are not important at this stage, but it’s helpful to begin the process.  

Next, create a post-divorce budget.  What will your weekly, monthly and yearly income and expenses look like once you separate or divorce?  This is important in planning child support, custody and asset distribution.  If you are not the spouse that handles the finances, start collecting information. Helpful sources for information are credit reports, previous tax returns, and a current mortgage statement.  These documents can help your Providence divorce lawyer learn about your marital finances.  With an idea of assets and budgets, we can speak with financial advisors to put you on the right path.

2. Get your emotional house in order.

Divorce isn’t easy.  Staying in an unhappy marriage is worse. Know that it will get better. Many of our clients can’t believe how happy they are post-divorce and how satisfying it is to build a new life. But, between now and then is a bumpy road.

Get someone in your corner for emotional support.  Make sure you have a trusted friend or therapist that can help you talk through your emotions, fears and anxiety about the divorce.  We can help with referrals to therapists if need be.

3. Anticipate the adjustments that will need to be made for your children.

This can range from visitation schedules to purchasing extra sets of sports equipment, to hiring a therapist for them. Your children may or may not understand what is happening and will need more attention.  If you are moving out of the marital home into an apartment, will it be suitable for your children from a space and location perspective?

4.  Figure out your housing situation

If you know that you will not be able to stay in the marital home, where will you live. As noted, think about the children and accommodating their need to stay in the same area.  

5.  Think about whether you will choose to mediate your divorce, work in a collaborative way or litigate the divorce.

Approaching the actual divorce process with an understanding of the process, timelines and costs help lessen anxiety.  Further, understanding the process and likely outcomes will help you choose the right path to dissolution.  Most attorneys, including our office, will meet with you for an initial consultation without charging you.  It is a great way to get a feel for what lies ahead.

Divorce is emotional.  It is unlike other areas of the law in that it is interest based rather than principal based. Each side’s interest differs. That causes conflict and emotions to run high.  Having good communication with your attorney is critical.  Take advantage of a free consultation and seek out an attorney that will listen and advocate in your best interest.

  Shawn Masterson is an attorney based in Providence, Rhode Island with a focus on divorce and divorce mediation.

 Contact us for more information at 401-455-0002; smasterson@sdmlawgroup.com www.sdmlawgroup.com

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It’s all about CONTROL.

If you were to google Top 10 reasons for Divorce, the searches will produce a list which includes, among others, infidelity, lack of communication, money issues but the most significant factor in divorce is control, or lack thereof. A generalized sense of control is important to well-being in daily life.[1]

Often, one party tends to exert control over the other.  This may be subtle.  Always controlling the TV remote or always decided what’s on the dinner menu.  In many cases, it is more overt and more damaging. Controlling money, access to friends, or access to opportunity. It is never a good situation.

The inevitable result, divorce.  The question is, how do you, as the party who lacks control, move forward.  You have a couple of avenues in divorce.  Retain an attorney and litigate the divorce in court. Alternatively, you can seek mediation.  

What we have found is that through mediation, each party expresses their interests and each party has a voice. The mediator can guide the parties through this process of distribution of the marital estate.   It is not easy.  The most difficult part is making the decision to divorce and communicating that to your spouse.  As a mediator, I understand that.  Through mediation, the focus is on you as a couple and your collective agreement on how to dissolve the marriage.  In contrast, in a litigation setting, months, and sometimes years are spent waiting on a judge to take control and tell you how the marital estate will be divided.

Without fail, the feedback I receive from my clients, post-divorce, is how much better off they are divorced, because they now control their own lives.  It makes sense.  Happiness is linked to control.  The more control you have of your ideas, your life and your future, the happy you tend to be.  Mediation can get you there.

 [1] Larson R. Is feeling "in control" related to happiness in daily life?. Psychol Rep. 1989;64(3 Pt 1):775-784. doi:10.2466/pr0.1989.64.3.775

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Divorce can be stressful, time consuming, costly and fraught with unknowns.  Divorce mediation can help you control costs, put you in control of the divorce process thereby reducing stress and allow you, not a judge, to decide the major issues in your divorce.  Here are the top ten reasons to try divorce mediation

 1.       Divorce mediation costs less than going to court.

2.       Its less stressful than fighting in a courtroom.

3.       Divorce mediation is a faster process than divorce litigation.

4.       Divorce mediation helps couples reach mutually agreeable resolutions.

5.       Divorce mediation agreements last, and there are fewer post-judgment actions with a mediated agreement than with a judgment after litigation.

6.       All issues can be settled in divorce mediation.

7.       You have a voice in divorce mediation.

8.       You, not the court, control the timing, costs, and outcome in divorce mediation.

9.       Agreements reached through divorce mediation can be implemented right away.

10.   Divorce mediation is less complicated than litigation.

If you are facing divorce, divorce mediation is an effective, efficient and economical path to achieving the agreement you want.  

Contact us today at info@sdmlawgroup.com or call 401-455-0002 to get started.

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How much does a divorce cost in Rhode Island?

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What does my dog have to do with divorce mediation? Absolutely nothing. #divorcelawyer #theprovidencedivorcelawyer #mediation #divorcemediation (at Providence, Rhode Island) https://www.instagram.com/p/CDum6gFnXFp/?igshid=1m4a8nyn1exg2

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#divorcelawyer #divorcemediation #mediation #divorce #theprovidencedivorcelawyer (at Shapiro Dorry Masterson, LLC) https://www.instagram.com/p/CDPPA6QHsYV/?igshid=8mvinpbnhzio

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#divorcelawyer #divorcemediation #mediation #divorce #theprovidencedivorcelawyer (at Shapiro Dorry Masterson, LLC) https://www.instagram.com/p/CDPPA6QHsYV/?igshid=171llr856ztsz

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#divorcelawyer #mediation #divorce #divorcemediation #theprovidencedivorcelawyer (at Providence, Rhode Island) https://www.instagram.com/p/CDMHFVwnpZH/?igshid=1070j5dv3mug8

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When compromise gains you leverage

I am a firm believer in mediation and collaboration to resolve disputes.  This is particularly true in divorce cases. However, a willingness to work together, doesn’t mean you compromise on every point.  This is what causes friction in family law.  There are some points that people believe are non-negotiable. There is a middle ground between compromise and non-negotiable-Leverage.  Here is a recent example to illustrate this point.

I have a client who altered her visitation schedule a few months ago.  It was done by agreement.  It was done because she got a new job.  A good job.  The only change was swapping Tuesday night for Thursday night.  Everyone was happy with the change.

Now, heading into the summer, the ex wants to change it back.  His hardship he claims, is that he would go for too long without seeing his child when he it wasn’t his weekend.  But to put this into context, my client has an open-door policy. He can (and is encouraged to) see their child whenever he wants.  He lives two streets over from my client. There is no obstacle to spending time with the child.

The reality is that he plays golf on Thursday nights in the summer with his girlfriend.  He wants to do that sans kids.

Not only does he want the change, but he’s also making a big deal about it. Why?  Because he can.  It’s the last bit of control he can exercise over his ex-wife.   His reasons are NOT sufficient to modify a child custody/visitation schedule. When he pushes it to court, it will cost my client money to respond.  Money she really doesn’t have.  He knows this.  He also knows if he pushes, she will cave.

My advice was to politely push back.  Hold your ground.  From a legal standpoint a judge will not grant this switch because it would negatively impact my client’s work schedule while benefiting the ex-husband’s social calendar. This issue is not ripe for court.

The question is whether is made any sense for my client to accommodate. Would a little kind gesture give her leverage for any future issue?  

The reality of switching the days back is that on Thursdays, the child, who is almost 13, would be home alone from about 5:00 to 6:30.  Its not the end of the world.  The child is mature and could handle being alone for an hour or so. Outside of that issue, my client doesn’t really care if her night is Tuesday or Thursday.  She would gladly take both.

There is a fine line separating the decision to fight and the decision to accommodate.  This is one of those cases where you should lean into agreement.  Should the ex-husband seek court intervention, we probably will recommend not to fight.  Save the money.  Leverage this ‘agreement’ for something in the future.  If the change would have a strong negative impact on my client, we would fight back.  But here, it is simply not worth it. With another 5 or 6 years of custody and support issues, it may be beneficial to have a something in your back pocket.  

Mere acquiescence is not prudent.  In relationships with a history of unequal bargaining power it is important to know your rights and negotiate from a position of strength.  We win this one in court.  All day. Every day. But my client spends a bunch of money and is miserable for three months in the process.  Simply, it is more important to be happy than to be right.  Sometimes your gain in compromise is much greater than your gain in a fight.

Shawn M. Masterson is an attorney practicing divorce and divorce mediation in Rhode Island and Massachusetts, and virtually throughout New England.

401-455-0002   smasterson@sdmlawgroup.com  www.sdmlawgroup.com

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How long does it take to get a divorce in Rhode Island

About 75 days.  That is assuming you and your spouse come to an agreement on all terms prior to the initial divorce hearing.  Once the court grants the divorce, there is a 90-day waiting period.  In some cases, the court will grant an expedited hearing for exceptional circumstances.

There are several factors which delay the process.  Often there are disagreements about child custody or valuation of assets which take some time to sort out.  

If you begin the process in divorce mediation, expect the mediation process to take 3 to 5 sessions to arrive at an agreement.  The timeline for mediation is a function of your schedule and the mediators. I have completed mediations in a week, using marathon sessions, while other cases have taken three months to get through divorce mediation simply because of scheduling.

Divorce litigation is another story.  Depending on contested issues, the process could take a year or more.

Keep in mind that even if there is not a final agreement or judgment most parties live apart as soon as the process begins.  In many ways, living separate and apart during the divorce mediation process or divorce litigation process alleviates stress and anxiety.  

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How much does a divorce cost in Rhode Island? The cost of your divorce is a function of how contested your divorce is.  Filing and service fees alone are about $200.  If there are no disputes about child custody, child support, visitation, alimony or the division of assets, then your divorce could cost as little as $1,500.  In the simplest of cases, there are certain documents to be drafted and filed, a hearing to attend and communications with both sides.  Assuming you use an attorney, the simplest of cases will probably cost you around $1,500.   If your case is contested that fee could easily exceed $15,000, for each side.  That’s $30,000 total.  This is money coming from the marital estate. When there is no agreement the costs can still be controlled.  On average, with divorcing couples who participate in divorce mediation spend under $3,000.  The mediation process usually costs under $2,000. Once an agreement is reached in mediation, each party has the right to seek independent legal counsel to review the agreement.  Usually, one side will retain an attorney to draft the agreement and necessary documents to file the divorce action with the court.  This finalization phase is usually under $1,000.  So, mediation, in total would probably cost the parties $3,000 total or $1,500 each.  It is not uncommon for parties to split the cost of a divorce mediation.   Cases where there the parties own their own business, or have multiple sources of income and numerous assets will naturally cost more (even with agreements) because it will take time to focus on the valuation and distribution of those assets. How much a divorce costs is dependent upon the parties and how they interact with one another.  At Shapiro Dorry Masterson, LLC we focus on resolving cases as economically and efficiently as possible.  This doesn’t mean you give up anything.  This means we don’t litigate for the sake of litigation.  Revenge has only one function in divorce actions and that is to drive up costs and deplete the marital estate.  Divorce mediation is the most efficient way to go.

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https://www.sdmlawgroup.com/blog/how-much-does-a-…-in-rhode-island/

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Can I mediate child support payments?

I am a firm believer in mediation.  Just about every dispute can be resolved through effective mediation.  Divorce mediation is no different.  Within most divorce mediations, we have a bunch of mini mediations.  For example, divorcing couples need to come to agreement on the sale of a home, child visitation schedules, division of personal property, and yes child support.

Child support is mandatory. If you have children, you have a duty to support them. Calculation of the amount of support payments are a function of income, number of children and the percentage of time you spend with your children.  Typically, we see the non-custodial parent paying over to the custodial parent a sum certain every month.  Some clients question whether the monthly amount is enough or too much.  It is important to keep in mind that the payments are for the benefit of the children.  Not only must the payments be sufficient to provide basic support of the children, but also to allow, to the extent possible, the children to maintain the same standard of living they would have experienced, had their parents not divorced.

Each state provides child support guidelines which provide for a minimum amount of support.  But what if the amount of an order would cover the basic support of the children?  For example, assume a client has a child support obligation of $3,000 per week, for two children, until they reach the age of 18, plus an obligation to pay for 100% of the children’s college education. (the children are 4 and 6 years old) The payor felt as though the amount was excessive, because the custodial parent had a six-figure income and no mortgage payment.  Through mediation an agreement was reached, not to change the amount of support, but to provide for $1,000 per week to be invested in a 529 fund to cover college costs.  That still left $2,000 per week to provide for the children. The major impact to the payor was that in 12 year when tuition was due to a college, a significant portion (if not all) of the college expenses were funded.  This mediated agreement will save the payor well over $500,000 as the children go through college.  

Similar agreements are reached which provide for a reduction of monthly support, because the payor transferred his equitable share of the marital home to the custodial parent.  Or an increase of support payments to shield a retirement account from distribution.  

The beauty of mediation is that the parties can make any agreement that they believe is in their best interest.  A court will accept an agreement as to child support, if the best interests of the children are considered.

Mediation is an efficient and cost-effective way to manage a divorce. Couples save time and money in mediation.  If you are contemplating divorce, consider mediation as an alternative to litigation.

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Why are you paying alimony?  Because.

People are funny.  Spouse A works full time over the course of a 20-year marriage and builds up a nice network. Meanwhile back in Mayberry, Spouse B has stayed out of the work force, either by the agreement of the parties at the beginning of the marriage, or by dictate of Spouse A.  While at home for 20 years, Spouse B has taken care of the kids, managed the household, cooked, cleaned, maintained the social calendar.  All what Spouse B has done was done to make the family unit stronger.  Not to mention, Spouse A could shirk the household/child rearing responsibilities and build a successful career without concern.

Spouse B is now pushing 50 years old. They haven’t held a professional job outside the home for 20+ years, have no savings, retirement or investment accounts and are totally reliant on Spouse A.   Spouse A is upset because they will have to pay alimony and must give up 50% of “their own” assets, because to them, Spouse B never contributed financially.

Here is the problem for Spouse A and the blessing for Spouse B—the marital estate is just that, it’s the marital estate.  It belongs to both equally (putting aside inheritance and assuming both Spouse A and B got married just out of college when the only thing they had was student loan debt).

Remember this factoid:  What is earned in the marriage belongs to both spouses.  What debt was accumulated, for the most part, belongs to both spouses. After a long marriage, say 20+ years, it all gets split down the middle.  

As lawyers we can help negotiate a reasonable split, which doesn’t necessarily mean exactly down the middle.  It could mean, Spouse B keeps the marital home in lieu of long-term alimony. In any event, before you lose sleep over it, talk to your lawyer to see how an acceptable agreement can be crafted.

www,sdmlawgroup.com

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Sell the house NOW!

The real estate market is in the tail end of an extraordinary seller’s market.  Over the last year, prices have risen due to limited supply and higher than normal demand. Low interest rates have motivated buyers to buy their first home or trade up.  Some markets, like Rhode Island have been influenced by buyers fleeing from high density metropolitan areas buying what appear to be, from their perspective, bargains.  The market has been unbalanced.

Over the last week or so, we have begun to experience a shift in buyer behavior.  Open houses are happening, and no offers are extended, on other deals offers are coming in at or below asking.  We have not experienced that for months.

These micro trends indicate the start of the cooling off of this market.  While interest rates are still low and demand is still high, the market will be strong. BUT it is no longer white hot.  

So, what does this means to those thinking about divorce?  For many, the single largest asset is the marital home.  If anyone intends to sell the marital home and divide the equity---DO IT NOW.  You can sell and divide the proceeds before you file, or even sell and divide once you have file but have not yet had a judgment enter or finalized a settlement.  If it is in the best interest of a divorcing couple to sell the home, it is in the best interest of the divorcing couple to sell the home now. Waiting 3 or 6 months potentially will cost the couple $20,000 to $40,000 based upon median home prices.