#theo vent

[nullominous-q]

Vampire in the Garden... (spoilers ahead)

It was a tragedy. And while the show was beautiful, I can't stand tragedies. 🥲

Like, I know it was unlikely and impossible but the entire time I watched for hope of happiness for the two main characters. They were the definition of found family ffs and any pain is bearable with happiness at the end of a tunnel.

But all I felt at the end was cold pain and bitter anger.

I remember finishing the show and just angrily venting to the air for an hour before breaking down into tears. Some might see that as a positive when looking at how a story impacts a person. But I don't. I can't handle tragedy and wish I'd never watched it. That is how my brain works, esp with my depression.

I'm aware tragedies happen in real life and aren't as easily avoidable, that's why I don't pursue them in fiction. The fiction I consume, I want to help me escape from the harsh realities of the world. And I wanted more than anything for Momo and Fine to emerge from their struggles victorious.

And it crushed me when they didn't.

[hella1975]

hiiii haha. hello. exceptionally awkward introduction bc idrk how to start something like this so let's just jump right in. im taking a break from this account for a bit. i know i said i wanted taob out before halloween and currently im fine sticking with that deadline, but if i decide i need longer away then i will take longer away. every time ive reassured people that id never abandon a fic and updates will always come eventually i never once considered that my writing and ability to feel safe and comfortable on this site would be actively taken from me, so im not even going to apologise. i dont want this either and more importantly i dont fucking deserve it. i dont know what it is in the past year, if ive hit a certain amount of followers or 'popularity' that's made it so the natural ratio of positive to negative interactions must in turn go up, but there's been a serious uptick in weird asks for me. the annoying part is that a very small amount of them are actually objectively mean and hateful, the rest are just weird and invasive from people who seemingly dont realise that's what they're being. ive reached a point where i dont care if the intentions are good. it's not my job as a 20 year old tumblr user of all things to defend the morality of someone who couldnt even bother to come off anon. unfortunately, after blocking only one or two anons, the weird asks have decreased substantially, which says all you need to know about the fascinating and exhilarating lives led by these people, but ive also gone on to turn anon asks off entirely. this is something i actively fought against doing and had to be pushed into by my mutuals (who have been the coolest people on planet earth during this entire thing). turning off anon was a big deal to me even if it sounds silly. i felt betrayed and like id been backed into a corner because it was so vehmently something i DIDNT WANT that to feel like i had to do it anyway for my own mental health??? that sucks. so even though ive 'fixed' the problem, im still kind of reeling and uncomfortable every time i come on tumblr. i hope it's just something i need time to ease because i'll truly be devastated if this becomes 'ruined' for me. tumblr exists as the only place in the world where i am honestly every facet of myself without shame or hesitation; losing that would be insanely harmful to me. and to the people who cant appeal to the actual human behind the post, let me put that in words you can understand: we wouldn't get any more writing 😦😦😦 riots and fires and sirens, i know. so yeah. to anyone who has sent me an anon ask and you're now wondering if you were part of the problem, im firmly of the belief that you'll know if you are. when i say 'weird asks' i dont mean 'you sent me a para about your personal life just to vent or ask for advice' or 'you sent me a really deep emotional compliment about the impact me and/or my writing has had on you' - i love asks like that, so much that i put off taking a break and turning off anon solely for the joy they bring me. im sorry that it might feel like you're being punished too bc of the actions of what in reality is a HANDFUL of weird people, but this is what i feel like i have to do to feel safe and not go insane every time i log in. love you guys, hopefully ill see you soon x

[autisticdreamdrop]

we are so tired of this shit. saying delusional and delulu like it's funny and quirky

oh me?? yes i'm delulu!! i was once so dudulu i stopped taking my meds cause i thought i was being slowly poisoned by the government

i was hospitalized for a suicide attempt eating food and drinking water cause i thought they were poisoned aswell. i almost had to be tube fed.. BUT IM SO DELULU ISN'T THAT FUN??

seriously as a schizophrenic system using those terms shouldn't be trendy or cool

[anxious-shapeshifter]

"I'm a renegade, it's in my blood"

Renegade - noun : someone who abandons religion; an apostate. Origins in the medieval latin word renegātus, to actively renounce or abandon (literally: "I deny").

An art piece dealing with some heavier feelings than the last; I worked on it a couple weeks back, so I'm doing better mentally since then! I like to think this helped me process those emotions a bit better as well...vent art is good for the soul, don't let anyone tell you it's cringe or bad to do!

Getting away from the mormon church sometimes feels like escaping a snare or some other gruesome trap to me - it hurts the whole time, and while sitting still might minimize the pain, I can only have the chance to fully heal by escaping, a process that will hurt a lot more for a short time.

Even if I get away, though, the scars are permanent, and there'll always be more traps to dodge. Much of my family remains in the church, and it was practically my whole world up until I left, so it'll always be in the background of my life and y'know, that honestly sucks. It's never a benign presence...it'll always try to lure me back in, always try to sell me on the stability and sense of belonging I desperately crave.

(The lyrics in the art are from Renegade by Paramore and Run, Rabbit, Run by the Hoosiers ;0)

[doodlesdreaming]

Doodling out some thoughts, while drinking tea, to help me sleep.

(Im sooooooo gonna buy that Nahobino plush someday)

[dreamerpetarchive]

sad nonhuman pup vent

[dreamdropsystem]

reminders to self - Locket/Shane/Angel/Theo/Bug

[moronic-validity]

Post about my weight, numbers mentioned. Slight vent/brag post about weight loss.

THIS IS NOT ED CONTENT, DO NOT INTERACT IF YOU ARE A PRO ED BLOG (I've been working really hard to recover, please don't interact)

Okay so, I started my first genuinely healthy weight loss journey in January of 2023 at 284.9 pounds. Okay? Okay. I didn't want to lose weight to be skinny or because I couldn't look at myself, I wanted to lose weight because my health issues were getting worse (thank you multiple chronic conditions) and it was a last ditch effort on my end.

Except I didn't actually start trying to lose weight until my gallbladder attack and finding out it was functioning at 13%. Ain't that just so great :'). I don't do anesthesia well so I talked to my GP and we went through ways I could potentially get my gallbladder to function again (he's seen patients and his own friends do it before). I brought up weight loss, he did not. He told me he'd support my decision and to keep my mental health team in the loop because I've struggled with disordered eating (not going to be specific) since 5th grade (age 9).

I wound up discovering I have a gluten and lactose intolerance, as well as PCOS (more doctors visits), got my diet under control, tried and failed the 75 hard...twice, discovered I'm still a fucking beast at Just Dance, started going to the gym, rediscovered hunger signals (I thought I was dying), and haven't had a gallbladder attack since.

After a year and 8 months of constant hard work, I am at 208.4 and am in the gym (usually 3 times a week), building muscle.

Additional side note: I haven't been under 214 since pre covid + my ed.

So why am I sharing this when I am so staunchly against people being told to lose weight? Because this was my choice, that I made for me, and I have worked so fucking hard to do it without compromising my mental and physical health in the process, and I'm proud of myself.

Like...I don't want people complementing me on my weight loss or telling me I look so much better because in all my pictures, I look GENUINELY happy, because I am! I'm not doing this to look good. I'd be okay if people were like "damn, that's a lot of hard work and dedication! Good job!" but like...my family doesn't see it that way, nor do most of my friends. Alex does though, so that's a win...but like...I just wish other people saw it too.

Anyway, that's all. Don't lose weight bc you feel like you have to and if you're starting a weight loss journey, keep a trusted doctor and your mental health team in the loop.

[the0retically]

lol my family came to the show last night but i didn’t work that closely with that camp and my opening is today and there are shows tomorrow but my family said it’s just too much to come again to see a kids show and they don’t want to leave the house that much, but now they’re going out today to shop and going out to brunch tomorrow and the show is only 70 minutes and it’s my first time assistant directing and they aren’t even seeing the kids I worked with

[dreamdropsystemarchive]

shane want to give up. shane no good at host. shane don't want to be host. shane just want to be dormant forever. shane wasn't meant to be here. life is so scary. we have to keep fighting but life so painful..

[thiamblogger]

i got into yet another argument with a theo anti and he said that theo could've "just said no"... put that into ANY other situation and listen to how stupid that sounds.

[nullominous-q]

I have never hated the tumblr live "feature" more than today.

Inflict the sight of an ahegao face on me? Ultimate squick thanks. Like it's so bad that it causes me body dismorphia so idk if I should even call it a squick. A trigger? Yeah, that feels more apt.

Something that's automatically turned on that you continuously have to opt out of every seven days (which is the most asinine thing I've ever heard of on any social media platform btw) and it has officially triggered me.

Has anyone actually watched the tumblr lives? What are the numbers on that? Are the lives actually run by the people featured in the profile pics advertising the live or are they completely different people?

I hate this shit. And I don't care if you guys keep the "feature" but what would be great is if a permanent opt-out was an option. You can do it @staff it's not like it'd be hard and instead of taxing the site by continously have opt-out requests have to go into effect (what are the numbers on those btw?) you can have everyone just say once and for all, fuck tumblr live and go about their business. People who want to keep it can do so.

I'm not watching lives. I'm never going to click on them unless by pure accident. And that's how I feel about it.

Btw. Another porn blog followed me today with legit porn on it (shame that porn blog ban seems to have made that worse isn’t it?) if you care about that at all.

[human-souls-buy-dopamine]

Does anyone else suddenly become a fucking master of your craft when you're mid panic attack 😭 LIKE. explain to me how THIS

Can come from the SAME BRAIN that wrote THIS?????

WHY CANT ALL OUR WRIT8JG SOUND GOOD BRO. MUST I TRIGGER MYSELF TO WRITE FUNKY WORDS /J

[autisticdreamdrop]

we moan/groan constantly. i communicate this way through noises. even more vocal alters do it. we even try to mask these noises but for the most part but no work. people do not understand this. it makes our mom upset when we don't "act normal" thats why don't front around her much anymore just cocon. people stare at us. the tapping. the noises. the stimming. this is us. we use to be able to mask and go through burnout constantly. but we went through bad regression. most of us lost most ability to mask. we didn't choose to unmask. we were forced to cause our brain decided we couldn't anymore. it wasn't a slow process. it's not fair.

[littlewolfdunbar101]

Theo Raeken Rant.

I know people have their own opinion's, but I hate it when people hate on Theo. Theo's actions were not entirely his own doing. You cannot discuss Theo's actions without acknowledging the role played by the Dread Doctors. They manipulated Theo, using his desire for power and acceptance to further their own sinister agenda. They preyed upon Theo's insecurities and exploited them for their own gain. Theo's upbringing was far from ideal. He faced abandonment and neglect, causing him to yearn for a sense of belonging. When the Dread Doctors offered him acceptance and a chance to become powerful, Theo was seduced by the idea. In his quest for belonging, he made questionable decisions that ultimately led to his downfall. His actions are seen as villainous, but it is crucial to consider the broader context. Like come on! The Dread Doctors treated him as a mere pawn in their game, manipulating him to do their bidding! He became a tool to unleash chaos upon Beacon Hills, a means to an end for the malevolent forces at play. But despite the manipulation he endured, Theo showed glimpses of redemption and growth. He realized the error of his ways and sought to make amends for his past actions. His journey towards redemption showcased his capacity for change and highlighted the complexity of his character. His experiences taught him valuable lessons about the consequences of his actions. He learned the importance of trust, friendship, and loyalty (and love if you ship Thiam). Despite the hardships he faced, he demonstrated a willingness to change and grow, proving that even those who have made mistakes can find redemption. His character defies traditional notions of good and evil. He exists in the gray area, where morality is not always black and white. The complexity adds depth to his character, making him more relatable and human-like. Just like real people, Theo had flaws and made mistakes, but his journey showcases the potential for redemption and growth. And that's it. That's all I wanted to say.

[doodlesdreaming]

At the start of the new year, I wanted to practice more in comic and monochromatic style, while also getting back to a point of liking to ink my doodles again.

......and the first thing that cane to mind is some 'what if' angst. ^^;;;

King (Conrard) Headcanon-@yore-donatsu