#theo loves boris more than the all of the everything

[m4sonn]

Boris and Theo not getting married at the end of the book/movie feels like a hate crime

Also I just want to bring to the attention of you movie watchers (I’ve only watched the movie but I’ve done some intensive research (just a simple search on TikTok) and am going to buy the book soon) that in the book when Theo and Boris were teenagers they did canonically do it in the book multiple times but only when they were extremely drunk/high and Boris also said that Theo was the only man he ever slept with, specifically a small highlight (there’s much more to this page but I don’t wanna write it all out unless someone wants to see. T: “There had also been other way more confusing and fucked up nights. Grappling around half dressed, weak light sliding in through the bathroom and everything haloed and unstable without my glasses. Hands on eachother, rough and fast, kicked over beers foaming on the carpet, fun and not a big deal when it was actually happening.. more than worth it for the sharp gasp when my eyes rolled back and I forgot about everything.”. We were actually gonna see this in the movie but Finn wolfhard declined but surprisingly Oakes (Theo’s actor) was completely ok with filming this scene. I don’t necessarily think they were ‘in love’, maybe when they were teenagers but at least not in their adult years after they found each other again so I think the marriage thing was highly unlikely either way but whatever.

@mustbepeachy I think you’d wanna see this if you didn’t know this already

Edit: also I think the part of them cuddling in the page is super cute and Boris canonically gave anything Theo wanted to him, even stealing his dad’s golden lighter Theo had been eyeing and putting it in the front pocket of his backpack. (On the previous page). And it’s also mentioned (albeit probably platonically) that Theo loved Boris. Here’s the page where all the stealing lighters and beer spilling happens.

[chaoss-incarnate]

i don't think I've ever seen anyone talking about this but all i can think about since finishing the goldfinch is how theodore decker never truly left new york.

okay so we have 13 year old theo, whose mother just died in the museum, living at the barbour's, and meeting hobie and seeing pippa again. this much is obvious, he's still living in new york, wandering the streets and places where he and his mother frequented, being a shadow of his previous life. at night he dreams of the museum, and wakes up screaming.

his father appears, takes him to vegas. and despite meeting boris and doing all sorts of things with him (drinking, drugs, you name it), he's still 14 year old theo believing his mother is waiting for him back home. he wakes up from the museum more often than not, but i believe this is also when his dreams take a different turn; back in new york, places he would go with his mother, knowing she was there but never seeing her, never being in the same place as her. he longs for her, longs for his old life, believes her death was his fault. he tries to distract himself. like boris says: 'i drink to be happy, but you wanted to die'. boris, who has lived in so many countries, always moving, and theo, with his longing to return to the place he knows.

and then his dad dies and he goes back to new york. 15 year old theo is back in his home city, around the places he knows. places he was with his mother. and of course he goes to hobie's. what else can he do? he goes to college, learns the furniture dealer's way, and for the next eight years he lives in new york, working, wandering the streets. his longing for his childhood with his mother has subdued, mostly, thanks to the controlled (as he believes) substance abuse. he gets engaged to none other than kitsey barbour, and he continues to live his life. he takes her to places he went with his mother, places she never appreciated ('the dingbat'). he continues to love pippa (though, as we all know, that love wasn't healthy - it wasn't really love. he appreciates pippa, her friendship, but he latched on to her because they both share the same trauma and he believes no one will understand him better than she, now that his mother is gone. as the narrator in fight club says: 'you met me at a very strange time in my life.')

the boris appears. he's there and it turns out that he stole the painting. because the painting had followed theo since he was 13, going wherever he went. and now? its halfway across the world. and so now theo follows the painting, all the way to amsterdam.

new york used to be called new amsterdam until the english took over the dutch that lived there and renamed it new york. coincidence that theo ended up in the former namesake of the city he can never escape? the country where fabritius, the painter, was from. it would make sense for the painting to maybe be in delft, the place where it was discovered, where fabritius died, to make it a full circle, but no. amsterdam.

there, theo saw his mother again. he actually saw her. halfway across the world and yet he's somehow still in new york. with her.

the end of the novel is very open. theo travels, of course, to rectify the false furniture he sold, but everything ties him back to new york. his engagement to kitsey isn't over, the barbours expect him to return, someday. he still works with hobie.

'but vivian,' you might think, 'what about pippa? she went through the same thing theo did and yet she spends most of her time out of new york.'

the truth is that we don't know much about pippa. she wasn't present during most of the novel, mostly in theo's mind. we know some things about her: her parentage, music she likes and so on, but we barely know how the explosion affected her.

as she remarks in her letter at the end, she and theo would be bad for each other due to their extreme similarities. she has difficulties because of the explosion. she goes to texas, then switzerland, then london, then california. she can't seem to stay in new york, but she's there a lot of course, hobie's there, and so is theo.

i believe that in this, pippa and theo are opposites: theo, no matter what he does, is always in new york, always returning. somehow he wants to be there, for the memories of his mother. he wants to walk those streets and go to those places they went to together. its painful for him but he'd rather that than be somewhere new. pippa, on the other hand, leaves voluntarily. a lot. of course she wishes to be close to hobie, but she just can't stand to be in new york for the same reason theo stays. pippa walks the streets of new york and thinks 'welty used to take me here, and here' and its unbearable for her.

even so, most nights they both return to the same point, and they both know they'll never leave it, or rather, it'll never leave them.

[hollowhearts-and-espresso]

my take on the 'i think you thought it was more' line

SO!!!!!!!

we all know the infamous line. boris saying he thinks theo may have thought it was something more, that they only did it because they were bored and high and there were no girls around. and obvi, like, wtf? boris literally had a girlfriend at the time and theo didnt really have a huge interest in that stuff past what a normal 13 y/o boy experiences, so what the fuck?

but lets think about this. boris knows theo inside out, like the back of his hand. every twitch, every glance, the way he holds himself and dresses and his tone of voice, everything, to a tee. and we know theodore decker- he hates change. detests it. fears it, yes, but more than that theres a deep and undying hatred for change and the unknown and the future. and of course, of course boris knows that

so i think boris KNOWS. he knows how theo feels about him, he knows theo is gay, he knows it was always something more even when he didnt want it to be and he knows theo almost said i love you that night because cmon, of course he knows. BUT.

but theo hates change, and boris hates what theo hates. if theo doesnt like something, or fears it, boris does everything he fucking can to avoid the topic of whatever it is around theo or else eliminate it completely.

so he lies. he lies about what it meant to him, lies about why he did it and lies about his wife and son. he lies so that theo doesnt have to, because deep down, we all know theo would never just admit that. if boris had looked him dead in his eyes that night and told him he remembered everything and he loved it and loved him and it always meant something to him, theo wouldve either denied it deeply or RAN. boris would've lost him again, and he knows how bad losing theo the first time felt.

so he lies. and he knows, and he lies anyway. theo probably knows, deep down, in some spiritual way that he knows boris, that boris is lying. but he lets boris lie about it and lies to himself to agree so that things dont have to change again.

[h8t3-d]

I just realised something about The Goldfinch movie and book version. In the book there is a part where Theo decides to commit suicide in Amsterdam, but he doesn’t succeed and when he wakes up he almost gives himself away to the police. Then Boris runs through security just to see what is with Theo because he wasn’t answering his calls or text messages. But in the movie they made this scene differently by making Boris come to Theos room while he was unconscious and quickly hoisting him up and basically saving his life.

I think that the movie version wanted to make it more clear that it was actually Boris that saved Theos life because it was very subtle in the book.

Let me elaborate, even though the book version of Theo didn’t die he would have given himself to the police which is Theo still wanting the worst for himself and punishing himself for something that he didn’t have to be punished for. But after Boris came, told him that his painting was safely stored and they had that talk about how sometimes even though you do something good it can do more harm to other people around you than doing what you’d think is bad. And how Boris says that everything he did and does is out of love and he believes that that is the best he can do for himself and people around him. This all meant a lot to Theo and even though I remember him saying that he didn’t want to get philosophical or he wasn’t getting anything of what Boris was saying it really got to him and he might’ve been just pretending not to understand to hide his reaction, but he surely understood everything in his last monologue.

And I just have to say that it is very sweet of Boris that every time when Theo gets in his depressed haze he tries to distract him by telling him stories. For example right after he found Theo in his room and noticed that he looked unwell he started telling him the story about how he got high on weed and that it hit him too hard. Which was very random but it loosened up Theo a little bit. Another thing that I noticed was that Boris was the only one mentioning how badly Theo looked and always trying to go get food with him whenever they were together. Maybe it doesn’t sound so special but considering that not Hobie, Pippa, Kitsey or Mrs. Barbour seemed to care about how badly Theo looked because they didn’t really try to help him or even mention it. Only time Kitsey mentioned Theo’s drug abuse was to say that she knew about it and that she just didn’t mind. So Boris was really the person that cared about Theo the most.

That is why I think Theo didn’t even write a suicide note to Boris, because of all those people he would understand why he did that. He didn’t need an explanation or some sad story of his past. Boris was there with him at his worst moments so there was really nothing left to write. That is why Boris was so caring of Theo he saw how hurt he was and wanted to overcome the worst which was his suicide.

[h3artz4mikewheeler]

Numb, But I Can Still Feel It

(A short boreo oneshot I wrote)

Two boys laid a carpet, darkness surrounded them the only light coming through the blinds from the moon.

They both stared at the ceiling music playing quietly in the background.

The raven haired boy had a cigarette between his lips, the brown haired boy next to him had a bottle next to him.

That’s how the two spent almost every night.

Those days and nights they are all the same

Laying on the ground or the bed, high or drunk out of the mind rarely ever sober.

Next to eachother, shoulder to shoulder, arm to arm.

They were never to close.

They talk about whatever, never a dull conversation since one of them always has a story.

If it wasn’t Atleats slightly obvious, they loved each other.

More than anyone could imagine, neither of them ever knew though.

But they where fine with that they still would constantly be clingy on to each others side, occasionally when drunk (somtimes sober) sharing a kiss.

Nothing could stop them from loving each other, not there dads, not the fact that one got a girlfriend(that lasted only 2 weeks), not anything.

That’s what made them perfect for each other.

But that’s what ruined them.

Love ruined them, mentally, physically, emotionally, in almost every way.

Because they never tould eachother, they kept there feelings hidden, silently pining not daring to admit there feelings.

Even though they spent every possible second together, have seen each other in there most vulnerable states, they couldn’t.

They were two souls intertwined craving each other’s love and affection, but they knew it was wrong.

They knew they couldn’t love each other, they knew it wasn’t right.

There both boys, boys can’t love each other.

Right?

That’s what they both thought, what was put into there minds as children.

But now there not to sure.

They were never sure, not until the day the brown haired boy left.

-

“Please come with me we can go to school in New York together, I know Somwhere we can stay” the brown haired boy pleaded.

“I’m sorry Theo I can’t just yet” the raven hair spoke sadly.

“Why Boris why” Theo wept.

“I-i just can’t yet, But I swear the moment I’m able to i will I’ll search for you” he walked up to him and placed both hands on the other boy’s shoulders.

Theo looked up at him “promise, please I can’t lose you” he says inbetween cry’s.

“I will I promise” Boris says pulling him into a hug.

A car pulls up, popchyk starts barking.

Theo turns his head to look then turns back to Boris.

The ravens hands are still on his shoulder but he moves one to theos face.

He kisses him.

It was a soft quick kiss full of the past 2 years of pining.

He pulls back after a second, they just stared at eachother.

Theo hesitated before saying “I love you” and running to the car before Boris could say a thing.

Boris watched as his first true love got into the taxi and leave.

Leave him.

He was leaving him.

He coulnt stop him.

Boris felt numb.

Like ever thing around him wasn’t real including himself.

But he still felt everything.

He will make sure he keeps his promise.

No matter what.

HEYYY OKAY SOOO I WANTED TO POST THIS ON HERE BCS I WANT OPINIONS ON MY WRITING SO PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR OPINIONS, ANY TIPS TO MAKE IT BETTER

THIS ISNT MY USUAL WRITING STYLE BUT I FEEL LIKE IT WORKS FOR JUST A ONESHOT ANYWAYS EDIT COMING SOON THATS IT BYEE :p

RECOMMEND LISTENING TO THIS WHILE READING

[netherfeildren]

hi!

i was wondering if you had any book recommendations or a list of your favourite books that you could share?<3<3

hello hello! i 100% absolutely do *cracks knuckles* there’s absolutely nothing i love more than talking about my favorite books let’s go

- i always start with anne carson bc she’s undoubtedly my favorite author writing today. no one (and i mean this literally) is doing what she’s doing. a strange concoction of greek classics / poetry / prose. narrative poetry is pretty much the gist of it. autobiography of red is one of my most favorite books ever — sad funny gorgeous all the things. i also love the beauty of the husband and norma jean baker of troy but i’ve read all her books and they’re all wonderful

- the goldfinch by donna tartt. like not just the story — boris and theo and everything, but no one writes about existence like DT and i don’t even mean in the metaphorical existential sense but what it is to live a life, the space around you, a home, a friendship, your material things, a social life, everything. it’s not necessarily her attention to detail, even tho it is, but it’s more so the details she chooses to include. (rumor about a new pub in june was fake *cries*)

- i’ve read a lot of nabokov this year. i read pnin it was good, i read laughter in the dark it was Excellent!! now i’m reading one of his books of short stories and i like it a lot a lot i’m a big short story person i read a lot of anthologies

- consider the lobster by david foster wallace is one i love. people either find it dry and abysmal or perfect i’m the latter

- bulgakov’s the master and margarita seminal classic for a reason - funny shocking mysterious all the things i think everyone should read this book at least once

- i read primeval and other times by olga tokarczuk this year it was quite strange like postmodern fantasy. some parts of it are pretty uncomfortable but i did enjoy it

- i’ve been working through anais nïn’s backlog this year and i’m having fun with it. i’ve read all the erotica and it’s interesting in more than just the sex. it’s pretty violent and strange and like shocking. and i like her very concise style it’s pretty good

- lighter stuff everything by lisa kleypas but particularly the hathaways lovely comfort reads i go back to all the time — my favorite type of romance is a historical romance hands down (i have read SO MUCH historical romance and will give a more detailed list if that’s wanted) — also her ravenels series but particularly chasing cassandra is DELICIOUS

- for fantasy katherine arden’s winternight trilogy is unlike anything else ever and i’ve also met her and she’s so kind and lovely and a wonderful human who deserves all the success in the world

- miscellaneous but by no means lesser : ottessa moshfegh, louise glück, loretta chase (lord of scoundrels)!!! swoon!; tessa dare

[toolazytodecide]

The Anthology

Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus

See, I've been writing a fic about Theo getting sober and accepting his sexuality so I can't help but interpret it as Theo having complicated feelings about leaving Boris behind.

Lyrics:

"Your hologram stumbled into my apartment hands in the hair of somebody name Chloe, or Sam or Sophia or Marcus. And I just watch it happen."

"You said some things I can't unabsorb. You turned me into an idea of sorts. You needed me, but you needed drugs more and I couldn't watch it happen."

"If you want to break my cold, cold heart just say 'I loved you the way that you were."

So High School

I mean, c'mon. They are literally high school sweethearts. This song is absolutely them feeling like kids again when theyre reunited.

Lyrics:

"I feel so high school when I look at you."

"I'll drink what you think and I'm high from smoking your jokes all damn night. A brink in a wrinkle in time. Bittersweet sixteen suddenly. I'm watching America pie with you on a saturday night."

"Are you going to marry kiss or kill me? I'm betting on all three."

I Hate it Here

Theo escaping reality however be can and caring more about history than reality perhaps?

Lyrics:

"Quick, quick. Tell me something awful like you are a poet trapped inside the body of a finance guy."

"I'm lonely, but I'm good. I'm bitter, but I swear I'm fine. I'll save all my romanticism for my inner life and get lost on purpose."

I Look in Peoples Windows

This song is Boris following Theo's life in New York and trying to track him down while terrified of Theo rejecting him only for them to meet again.

Lyrics:

"I look in people's windows just in case you're at their table. What if your eyes look up and meet mine one more time?"

"I tried searching faces on streets. What are the chances youd be downtown? Does it feel alright not knowing me?"

Peter

This fucking song. This is Theo wondering why Boris never followed him to New York like he promised.

Lyrics:

"Forgive me, Peter. My lost fearless leader. In closets like cedar, preserved from when we were just kids."

"Are you still a mind reader? A natural scene stealer? I've heard great things, Peter. But life was always easier on you than it was on me. And sometimes it gets me when crossing your jet stream."

"We both did the best we could under the same moon, in different galaxies. And I didnt want to hang around. We said it was just goodbye for now. You said you were gonna grow up. Then you were gonna come find me."

The Manuscript

The manuscript is Theo's journal. The first quote is Theo having to be an adult in Vegas and reverting back to being a kid after he moved in with Hobie. The second was Theo being groomed as a teenager.

"In the age of him she wished she was thirty and made coffee every morning in a French press. Afterwards she only ate kids cereal and couldn't sleep unless it was in a mother's bed."

"She thought about how he said since she was so wise beyond her years everything had been above board. She wasnt sure."

In conclusion, Taylor must have taken the dark academia aesthetic for this album so seriously she just straight up wrote it about The Goldfinch bc wtf.

The Tortured Poets Department being about Theo and Boris

Fortnight

This song is very much giving Boreo having a fling while Theo was in Europe and Theo being haunted by the memories.

Lyrics:

"I was a functioning alcohol until nobody noticed my new aesthetic. All of this to say I hope you're okay but you're the reason."

"I took the miracle move on drug. The effects were temporary. And I love you. Its running my life."

The Tortured Poets Department

This is so Boris talking about Theo??? I'm sorry but its facts.

Lyrics:

"You're in self sabotaging mode, throwing spikes down on the road. But I've seen this episode before and still love the show. Who else decodes you? Who else is going to hold you like me? No nobody. No fuckinbody. Nobody."

Down Bad

This song is giving Boris after Theo left Vegas.

Lyrics:

"Did you take all my old clothes? Just to leave me here naked and alone. In a field in my same old town that somehow feels so hollow now."

"Fuck it if I can't have us. I might just not get up. I might stay down bad. Like I lost my twin. Fuck it if I can't have him."

Guilty as Sin

Theo bring thirsty and ashamed.

Lyrics:

"I keep recalling things we never did. Messy top lips. How I long for our trysts? Without ever touching his skin. How can I be guilty as sin? I keep these longings locked lowercase inside a vault."

I Can Fix Him (No, Really, I can)

Lets be honest theres no fixing men like them lmao, so let's give them a go trying to fix each other bc this is somehow both of them

Lyrics:

"The smoke cloud billows out his mouth like a freight train through a small town. The jokes he told across the bar were revolting and far too loud.

"They shake their heads saying 'God help her' when I tell them that's my man. But your good lord doesnt need to raise a finger. I can fix him. No really I can."

loml

GUYS! THIS ONE HURT! They are the loves and losses of each others lives

Lyrics:

"Who's gonna stop us from waltzing into rekindled flames? I know the steps anyway. We embroidered the memories of the time I was away. Stitching 'We were just kids, babe."

"When your impressionist paintings of heaven turned out to be fake. Well, you took me to hell too. And, all at once, the ink bleeds. A con-man sells a fool a get-love-quick scheme."

I Can Do It With A Broken Heart

This song just reminds me of how Boris pretends to be happy when hes miserable. Specifically after Theo left Vegas.

Lyrics:

"I can show you lies, cause I'm a real tough kid. I can handle my shit. They said babe you gotta fake it til you make it and I did. Lights, camera, bitch smile. Even when you want to die. He said he'd love me all his life, but that life was too short."

"I'm so depressed I act like it's my birthday everyday. I'm so obsessed with him but he avoids me like the plague. I cry a lot, but I am so productive. It's an art. You know you're good when you can even do it with a broken heart."

[clownwzrd]

i’m thinking too hard about boreo yes it’s all lowercase im GAY

with boris you can tell he’s grown from his childhood, not a lot but you can tell. he has the same energy he did, it’s just more refined and serious at times. he’s matured, and he’s sexy lets not forget the sexy part. with theo he’s pretty much just the same 13 year old boy in fancy expensive clothing and virtually a whole foot taller, and in all honesty he’s even more repressed than when he was as a child.

this is mostly due to ptsd: he’s been stuck in his childhood for a long time, reliving his mother's death and unable to let go pretty much at all, i’m not going to invalidate that. also boris has trauma too– obviously– he’s just less affected by it in a certain way, because let’s be real they’re both really broken, just differently. 

make it TENDER now: the only real way either of them can get better is if they have each other, because they understand each other in ways other people wouldn’t get them. boris needs to get better as much as theo. way more below because i accidentally got too into this

 mmm i think one of the main downfalls of the movie is that it paints theo as far too self absorbed; of course he is but he also cares a large deal about the people around him. as much as he wallows in self pity he would literally (and has) kill(ed) for boris, and i genuinely think if he had to relive his life just to get to boris he would.  i see a lot on how much boris loves and cares for theo but not enough on theos emotions, maybe because they’re more complex? well not really its just all really repressed; ffs he thought that saying goodbye to people he cared about was gay when is he going to admit any of his genuine feelings for boris. 

i’m not sure if i got sidetracked or not but yeah– they need each other to get better. i think after amsterdam and antwerp and all those things they manage to convince each other and themselves that they need to get better, stop doing hard drugs, get therapy. they finally work through their trauma and in the end they live together happily, it takes a while though. it takes them ages to sort out their own issues (real life not emotional) and move on with their lives. but they do end up doing it, they’re finally (mostly) happy in the end of it all. once they work through stuff, and acknowledge as far as they go they’re still not 100% okay yet, won't be for a while or maybe ever. the whole point of working through trauma is acknowledging you’re not okay, but still making an effort to get better with the right help.

im going to stop before this gets longer than it needs to be but thanx for reading my boreo trauma ramblings this started as a post making fun of theo for being a 6′ 13 year old in bespoke suits

[darling-i-read-it]

Pavlikovsky

Technically Part 2 to Solnishko but can be read alone! 

Boris Pavlikovsky x fem!reader

Word Count: 1.4k 

Warnings: talks of drugs and grief, marriage lol  

Author’s Note: another moment where i dont believe in marriage but he is the exception 

Requested: by anon, hi maya! if you're still taking requests for the goldfinch, would you consider writing a sequal to solnishko? maybe with boris and reader getting engaged and like trying to find a way to explain to the Barbours and all their rich friends how they met

Summary: the request !

Genre: fluff

Song: it was always you by the ivy 

I don’t own these characters. They belong to author/director/creator

(not my gif)

The day Boris asked you to marry him couldn’t have come soon enough. You had never been one to think of yourself as a married woman. You were never that in love to even actually consider it. How could you, after everything you had been through? Seeing love fall apart again and again, consistently being disappointed. 

But when Boris came back into your life, suddenly you knew this was what married people felt. This is why they tied the knot for life. This was the whole reason for it, the very prospect of marriage was made for how you felt about Boris. 

Theo didn’t end up marrying Kitsy. He couldn’t do that to himself and you wouldn’t let him. So he was noticeably surprised when mere months after reuniting with you, Boris was asking him for permission. To marry Theo’s sister. 

“This seems a little rushed don’t you think?” Theo asked. They were sitting across from each other at lunch. It had been immeasurably nice to have Boris back in his life. He hadn’t had a friend like him since and likely never would again. “I mean, it’s only been like 6 months.” 

“Heh!” Boris said, shaking his head. “Six months? Do you know how long I have been in love with your sister?” There was a silence where Theo was expected to answer but he kept his mouth shut. “Since we were children. I’ve been waiting for this since we were children.” 

“Are you sure? I mean, are you sure she’ll say yes?”

“No. That is why I’m asking you,” Boris said. He looked stressed. He had shown Theo the ring he already bought. It was spontaneous. He saw it in the window and knew you would love it and knew he loved you. Why not get married then? He hadn’t quite thought past that though. 

Theo was silent for a moment. He looked at Boris. He had absolutely no doubt in his mind that Boris loved you more than life itself. Boris loved you more than Theo had ever loved anyone. And that smile on your face whenever you laid eyes on him, indicated you probably felt the same way. Jealousy aside, you were perfect for each other. 

“She’ll say yes,” he said finally. 

“I have permission?”

“Yes Boris. You have my permission.” Boris smiled widely, a crooked toothy smile. He grabbed his friend's arm and made an excited unintelligible noise. 

“Potter, I'm going to get married!”

“You still have to ask her,” Theo said, unable to not smile at his excitement. Boris nodded quickly, suddenly very serious. 

“Yes, yes. I think I’ll ask her when I see her next. I don’t want to hide anything from her.” Theo rolled his eyes. 

“Be my guest.”

-

You were at home. You and Boris had moved in with each other a couple of weeks ago and it was going swimmingly. He had learned to cook a couple of meals that weren’t just canned foods. In return, you tried to cook when you could. Tonight was one of those nights though as you stared at the pan you were starting to think perhaps take out was the best option. 

The door opened behind you. 

“Pavlikovsky?!: you called, looking warily at the pot as you stirred. 

“Yes!” he called back. 

“In the kitchen!” He came around the corner. You turned around to him, a small frown on your face. “I think we’re gonna have to get chinese tonight,” you said honestly. “I’m kind of failing at this stew thing I was making.” 

“It smells fantastic,” he said, walking up beside you. He looked in the pot and tried to hide the look on his face but after a moment it came out. You laughed, shaking your head. “It looks…less than desirable.” 

“Oh shush. I know that already. I’ll get the chinese menu.” You turned off the stove. You gave it the old college try. You walked over to where you kept a couple menus to your favorite places and Boris didn’t follow. You turned around, leaning against the counter. He was fiddling with something in his pocket nervously. You raised an eyebrow. “Boris?” you said quietly. “Everything okay? You don’t have a bomb in that pocket do you?” 

“Will you marry me?” 

Your eyes went wide. That was not what you were expecting him to say. 

“Huh?” He took out the ring box and you dropped the menu you were holding. 

“Solnishko,” he breathed, “will you-”

“Yes.”

You weren’t sure what else to say. Your chest was bursting with emotion, not to mention shock. But you stood there and you shook your head. You had no idea he was even thinking of doing this. It was the furthest thing from your mind. But the second he asked, you knew what your answer was. 

If you were going to marry something, it was gonna be Boris Pavlikovsky. 

“Yes?” he asked.

“Yes.” You repeated. You let out a laugh of shock and closed the gap between the two of you, throwing your arms around him..

“I was so nervous!” he exclaimed. 

“You shouldn’t have been! Oh my God Pavlikovsky. Holy shit, we’re gonna get married.”

“I’m going to be a husband,” he whispered, looking at you. Your faces were close, smiles painting your faces with joy. 

“I’m gonna be a Pavlikovsky,” you said, the words sounding like ice cream on your lips. You squealed, something that was uncharacteristic of you, and kissed him before he could say anything else. You replayed it in your head. You and Boris. When did you and Boris become you and Boris? 

When you were kids? When he came back? When he almost died? When you almost died? When you left him in that parking lot and thought you would never see him again? When you took conversational Russian with Theo? 

Theo!

“We have to tell Theo!” you exclaimed between kisses. 

“I already asked him.”

“You did?” you breathed, eyes wide with love. “Boris!” You kissed him again, eager to have his lips never leave yours for the rest of your life. You giggled against his lips like you were kids again. 

“We could’ve gotten married many years ago if you were just honest with me when we were children,” he explained, lips touching yours as he spoke. You rolled your eyes. 

“You were doing drugs. I was depressed.”

“We were a perfect match.” 

Your phone rang, startling both of you. You didn’t even move away from him, you just stretched your arm out to grab it, keeping your chest glued to his. You picked it up, putting it to your ear. 

“Hey,” Theo said into the phone. 

“Theo!” you exclaimed. 

“Potter,” Boris said into the phone. You put it on speaker. 

“Good, Boris made it home alright?” Theo asked. “It’s raining pretty hard out here nad I know his driver s-”

“We’re engaged!” you exclaimed. Theo stopped and then laughed. 

“Boris, I just talked to you. Like an hour ago.”

“I couldn't wait,” he explained. 

“Congratulations you two. Have fun explaining how you met to people,” Theo said, chuckling on the other side of the phone. 

“We met at school,” Boris said.

“And then at our house,” you echoed. 

“To what? Argue? Do drugs? Drink?” You rolled your eyes and looked at Boris. 

“We were all doing different things. I’m sorry I was just trying to get through my grief in my own way.” 

“And to be fair,” Boris said, looking into your eyes, “I always loved her.”

[foundmywei]

Thinking about this Boris quote:

"What if— is more complicated than that? What if maybe opposite is true as well? Because, if bad can sometimes come from good actions—? where does it ever say, anywhere, that only bad can come from bad actions? Maybe sometimes— the wrong way is the right way? You can take the wrong path and it still comes out where you want to be? Or, spin it another way, sometimes you can do everything wrong and it still turns out to be right? [...] Well— I have to say I personally have never drawn such a sharp line between ‘good’ and ‘bad’ as you. For me: that line is often false. The two are never disconnected. One can’t exist without the other. As long as I am acting out of love, I feel I am doing best I know how. [...] What if all your actions and choices, good or bad, make no difference to God? What if the pattern is pre-set? [...] What if our badness and mistakes are the very thing that set our fate and bring us round to good? What if, for some of us, we can’t get there any other way?"

I truly love Boris as a character. He's so flawed and fucks up numerous times, and he's not always a good friend or even a good person, but one thing is always true; he's doing the best he can. He never had a stable home life and a responsible adult in his life while growing up, he was shoved into the world of alcohol and drugs without having a choice. People tend to forget how young he also was when they blame him for getting Theo into drugs. And I'm not saying that he didn't, or even that he was the best influence on Theo, but he didn't know better, he was still a kid. He did everything he could to help Theo out of love with everything he knew at the time. Drugs and alcohol helped him get distracted from his shitty life, so of course he would give them to Theo (who most likely would end up like that anyway. But without the added bonus of also finding love). He's done bad things, but maybe, sometimes, good can come from bad, right?

[carduelism]

A collection of my thoughts after/during each chapter of The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt:

5/7/2022 - 14/8/2022

(Will contain spoilers, obviously)

Chapter One: Boy with a Skull

Jesus, I can already tell this is going to be a rough read for me. The start, the first line I believe, where he mentions his mother has set up my expectations for this book to revolve a lot around mother-hood and a relationship between a son and his mother.

WHILE I WAS STILL in Amsterdam, I dreamed about my mother for the first time in years.

As someone who has very strong ties to his mother and actively depends on her for advice and help I already know that this story is going to end up being super personal for me. (As well as the whole deadbeat father issue, though for me I’m still a little more attached to mine).

Theodore Decker, who I have nicknamed Little Guy for some odd reason, so far has been incredibly written and I am very excited for his character to be explored more in the rest of the novel. He so far he is definitely fighting for the stop spot of my top teen protagonist. He is a teen, flawed, anxious but also incredibly bright and not annoying or to standoff-ish (I find those traits very common when writing teens and it is so annoying lmao). Very very excited for more of Little Guy.

Also I love his mother, Ms Decker is what I will call her because I’m to lazy to recall a first name, even though I have knowledge that she dies I can’t help but appreciate her love and fascination for art. I aspire to be as knowledgable as her when it comes to discussing art pieces.

Chapter 2: The Anatomy Lesson

Ouch. This chapter really fuckin’ hurts, more than the last.

WHEN I WAS LITTLE, four or five, my greatest fear was that some day my mother might not come home from work.

The first line, once again, is all ready relatable which helped me immediately infer that this chapter would end up impacting me a significant amount.

Little Guy, Theo, helping the old man even when he himself was injured was absolutely beautiful. As I’ve stated before, I’m so glad that he isn’t just a bitchy little teenager and that he is actually shown to be decently selfless when it comes to the wellbeing of others.

Back on track to me being all angsty and sad about his mother though. Theo had so much goddamn hope that his mother survived the bombing of the museum, he had so much hope that he didn’t even stop to question if his mother was truly alive, he just ran home knowing that she would be there. The whole time he was waiting in the apartment waiting for his mother to come home it took everything in me not to cry though I have to admit I whimpered “No, Little Guy :(“ at some point which was cat judged me for.

I have not watched the film yet but I’m so excited to see the cinematography of this entire chapter (more specifically the scene where he gets the call about his mother’s status) because I just know that I’m going to get stabbed and bleed out in tears.

Chapter 3: Park Avenue

I haven’t finished the chapter yet but I’d just like to talk about how much I love Andy as a friend towards Little Guy. Like, I want him to be my friends because he sounds like a genuinely fun guy to be around.

Also like damn, the author definetly wasn’t afraid of saying ‘faggot’ lol. Not even 100 pages through yet but that already pulled out a full on slur lmao. I do doubt that it would be used again though, mainly because I really really hope that I don’t have to read about Theo getting bullied in depth.

…boys who tripped us and shoved us and slammed locker doors on our hands, who tore up our homework and spat in our milk, who called us maggot and faggot and dickhead …

I’m loving Andy but I want Boris now! I’ve heard about him and he needs to hurry up and be mentioned in the book, like come on man! I want to read about you being helplessly in love with Theo! (Boris and Theo’s whole thing has been the only thing spoiled to me so far, luckily.)

Back on Andy because something about him just completely messed up my reading schedule and I just have to speak up abt it.

the sleek little phone with an anime still of Virtual Girl Aki (naked, in porny thigh-high boots) on the lock screen.

Sir, Andy, my guy, we need to sit down and have a talk because I knew you would have a lock screen like that but I still prayed that he wouldn’t. The fact that it’s just straight up admitted makes me though more and as well as the fact that it just comes out of no where 💀 It was so serious—the possibility of Little Guy meeting some sort of family friend of his—but then this fucker pulls out his anime girl lock screen.

(Just read spoilers about him dying, sorry for bullying the dead boy lmao)

Chapter 4: Morphine Lollipop

I am up to just a bit into VI and of course I love Pips, I’m glad that she is okay and survived by a miracle but I’m all on board with her aunt taking her to Texas. Like yes queen, seperate the straights because Theo, Little Guy, this is not you. You just don’t know it yet.

Also also time for me to be more angtsy about my new found affinity with Little Guy’s daddy issues.

“Who knows? He ditched us.”

“Good riddance?”

“Well—” I shrugged—“I don’t know. Sometimes he was okay. […] There was a lot of yelling and stuff. It was mostly him doing it. But—” uncomfortably aware that I’d said more than I meant to—“it was mainly him making a bunch of noise. Like—oh, I don’t know, like when he had to stay with me, when she had to work? He was always in a really bad mood. I

This is the exact way that I think of my own father, make that of what you will, and I really despise how accurate and painful it is. What makes it so painful is that he wasn’t an ‘okay’ dad, he was a shitty dad and thats pretty evident. But since Theo was facing this abuse, a like me, he downplays it and just says he’s ‘okay’. HE’S NOT AN OKAY DAD LITTLE GUY! Now watch my continue to call my dad okay.

Just started XVII, by that I mean I’m like three paragraphs into it, and my god, HIS FATHER??

I stood frozen in the doorway. The voice was unmistakable: my father.

Mate I was just shit talking him and now he has appeared in the book, I goddamn jinxed it. If he dare puts up and act in front of the Barbours, acting all cute and stuff as if he’s a good dad, then I’m going to die right here right now. I really really hope he doesn’t get custody of Little Guy, like Hobie should be his new father please, not him. Praying to god that his father wont put a single hand of my boy, Theo.

Yeah, just finished the chapter, finished 1/5 parts of the book, and holy shit my boy is moving :(

Farewell to Andy, Kitsey, all the other Barbours, and maybe farewell Hobie. Idk the last line of the chapter was funky:

He pushed open the door, and I walked out of the house—for the last time, as I thought. But though I had no idea I’d ever be seeing him again, about this I was wrong.

Like, Theo! That’s really damn ominous my boy 😭 Why do you have to go see Hobie again and why are you so creepy about it. Do you need him to restore you a coffin because you murdered someone in the future? Theo????

I’m very excited for Theo to finally move and go to a new school because I really need some Boris right now and I’m tired of reading the book without him. Boris this part please.

Chapter 5: Badr al-Dine

Woo! They’re finally heading to Nevada which means more story and please please please means that Boris will introduce himself.

When Little Guy was thinking to himself about how he will miss Goldie and the other doorman but he doesn’t ever verbalise the thought because ‘it would come out gay’. Come on man, your internalised homophobia is showing as well as the toxic masculinity you probably gained from your father 😭😭

“I—” I was going to miss them, but it seemed gay to come out and say so.

Also like just as I began to think that damn, with a turn of events Theo’s dad isn’t an ass anymore and no longer an alcoholic, his dad had a change of heart and began to be an ass again. I had hope for you, Mr. Decker!

So… Little Guy is not very innocent and little anymore. He sure loves doing his drugs and drinking beer with Boris. He sure loves Boris. Little Guy has grown out of his nickname in only a few months, guess I have to start just calling him Theo again.

Chapter 6: Wind, Sand and Stars

The chapters are beginning to get ridiculously long so I think I’m only half way through this one but so much shit has happened lmao.

So Boris has a girlfriend, Kotku, who is eighteen, right? And then Theo comments how she is three years older than them so that makes Boris fifteen? Listen, I would maybe be okay if Boris was sixteen, it’s not ethical in any way but it is at least legal. Once again though Boris isn’t the person to go to if you need something done legally.

I love Boris but my god, if he was really and I would either be terrified of him (fifteen year olds are scary, okay?) or I would go out of my way to shit talk him everyday. Mate is a druggie so early into his life so I can tell it ain’t gonna get any better for him, poor bud. Actually nvm. Not poor bud, just remembered he said a racial slur twice. Was it in character? Yeah, I suppose, since he picks ups on english that strangers use, but was it necessary to include? No. Love ya’ Boris but you need to fix your vocabulary.

Alot of things happened when I stopped updating but let me scream about it in order:

Theo admitted that he and Boris have fucked. He was so defensive about it as well, not word for word but basically what he was saying; “I’m not gay, I swear, I’m just jealous about Kotku. No! Not because me and Boris have fucked before, I can’t even remember that! [insert a rough description about how it happened and describing an 0rg@$sm]”. This boy…

And yet (this was the murky part, this was what bothered me) there had also been other, way more confusing and fucked-up nights, grappling around half-dressed, weak light sliding in from the bathroom and everything haloed and unstable without my glasses: hands on each other, rough and fast, kicked- over beers foaming on the carpet—fun and not that big of a deal when it was actually happening, more than worth it for the sharp gasp when my eyes rolled back and I forgot about everything;

My guy… my boy… this is the gayest shit ever. I tried explain this to my mother as well (because when ever I mention a gay relationship in my book she is always convinced I’m just over-exaggerating and making everything gay lol) and it was awkward because I was like “um yeah so ma’ I think they are gay because they um-“ and then I just handed her the book and it was so funny because she was laughing at the fact that I can not say the word ‘sex’ in front of her without being embarrassed (something my father practiced with me lol, I can’t talk about anything sexual aloud anymore).

Jesus. I got a bit off-topic and personal but I’m back.

But next event in the story:

“Potter—” he followed after me.

“Yes?”

“There is something important I have to tell you.”

“Boris,” I said, turning, “what the mother fuck. What is it?” I said, as we stood and stared at each other. “If you have something to say, go on and say it.”

“Am afraid it will make you mad.”

“What is it? What have you done?”

Boris was silent, gnawing the side of his thumb.

“Well, what?”

He looked away. “You need to stay,” he said vaguely. “You’re making a mistake.”

When I was reading this I was gripping on the page (I’m actually reading a digital version so I was not quote gripping on the ‘page’, it was actually my bed sheet but that sounds like it belong in some smutty work) and freaking out. It didn’t hit and I didn’t even ask myself if this was about him being love with Theo and I just assumed it was about either more death, more debt or drugs. Glad it wasn’t lmao

Chapter 7: The Shop-Behind-the-Shop

Mediocre chapter lmao. This chapter was one of my fastest read throughs and nothing of severe note happened. Sure, Theo got temporarily adopted by Hobie and he might’ve had at least one actual conversation with Pippa (icky, get away from the woman Theo, I know what you are) but honestly nothing I was screaming about.

Chapter 8: The Shop-Behind-the-Shop, continued

Still mediocre and boring lol. Theo got into his weird school thing, good for him but jesus he got my anxiety going from the stress of waiting for an acceptance letter. He also found a hiding place for The Goldfinch but just gonna be honest here, shitty spot, like I wouldn’t trust that it hadn’t been stolen if it wasn’t constantly in my view.

Also like oh my god! His apartment is destroyed and he’s so fucking sad about ittt. Theo it’s gonna be okay :( I’m sure someone has your mother’s stuff. Having to hold back tears right now because my boyfriend keeps looking at me weirdly, he mustn’t see me cry over a fictional character (again)

Chapter 9: Everything of Possibility

This chapter already has me in shock; an eight year time skip? Really? Smh. We missed all the fun stuff like his first legal drink since his time with Boris (I’m sure Hobie wouldn’t have allowed him to drink while he was staying with his) and I suppose his time at school, like isn’t this dark academia? WHERE IS THE ACADEMIA

Wait but Platt is back and… both Andy and Mr. Barbour are dead?? Miss Donna skipped a lot of the fun stuff in this time skip, like Theo is learning his old best friend died a few months after his death. Theo is learning this way too late and I imagine he probably feels super guilty for not checking in on the Barbours when he first entered this city

Chapter 10: The Idiot

Donna Tartt went straight into this chapter and was like “yep, Kitsey and Theo are dating now and they have always been in love.” Like ma’am where are you getting this from. Kitsey and Theo being in love since childhood is even more of a stretch than Boris and Theo being in love since childhood.

Also Theo is being watch by people I’m going to assume are people Reeve had hired (Reeve’s men, probs gonna call em’ that) and this book is starting to get scary. Like what is Reeve gonna do to get The Goldfinch from Theo if not some form of abuse, manipulation or torture. A simple conversation with Theo no matter what will never end with him handing the painting over. Honestly even if Reeve threatened to kill his fiancé, my man honestly wouldn’t care much lmao.

Also Theo is currently look into a bar and I got spoilers that he and Boris meet in one so when ever a bar is mentioned from now on I just freak out and start to scream whenever one is mentioned. I’m a little fangirly (gender neutral) over them boys. He’s going in one now eeeeeekkkkk

OMG POTTER SCMFFHZDHDDHDNDN BORIS IS BACK BABBBYYYYY

HE WAS THE GUY OUTSIDE OF THE SHOP WANTING TO SEE THEO??? PLEASE HE WAS SO SCARED SOMEONE WAS OUT TO GET HIM AND IT WAS JUST BORIS WHO WAS WAITING A GODDAMN MONTH TO JUST TALK TO HIM. THEO UR SUCH A BAD BOYFRIEND FOR MAKING HIM WAIT SO LONG

Sorry. That was unprofessional, let me get serious again because who is this Myriam lady and why is even Boris scared of her. Also not this man biting his lip and seeming flustered around Theo, what a gay man he is.

Boris, Boris was scared to come back to Theo because he thought he would be mad. He thought Theo would be mad because he thought that he already knew that the painting was gone and that Boris stole it. Boris is an overthinker and it fucking hurts so much. I LOVE YOU BORIS AND THEO WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER TOO ITS OKAY BB BOY

Also the fact that Boris has stopped Theo from killing himself multiple times is fucking murdering me. He doesn’t want to loose him but Theo can’t see that and feels as if he is alone. Fuck me mannnn this book is so sad now. Boris asking Theo about what that cut was on his face and you cant tell me that Boris wasn’t praying that Theo didn’t cut himself on purpose. For sakes of more angst this chapter, I need Theo to try to kill himself again but then Boris saving him for one last time.

Bro, why did Kitsey think it was a good idea to cheat on her boyfriend WITH HIS BULLY. What were your thoughts my dear Kitsey, WHAT WERE YOU THINKINGGGG. My girlie is in a silly goofy mood and the ice is getting thinner. If Theo had a menty b over this then booooo Kitsey, you suckkkk, you suck Tom Cable’s dickkkkkk

So he confronted her after Boris told him to do so (very submissive of him /j) and my god… the result to me is quite amusing. The fact that Kitsey thought it was okay to continue to see Tom up until her and Theo’s marriage is absurd. Listen, I know some shit is going down that I don’t think I’ve quite gotten to but I need to punch Tom because it’s all 100% his fault but Kitsey my girlllll you should’ve told Theo about this shit before it blew up.

During the confrontation may I just say, Theo was micromanaging the way he spoke, reacted, and expressed his emotions and yeah, me too bud. Hyperfixate on trying to keep calm when you were obviously not.

ALSO PIPPA IS BACK!!!! MY BABY GIRL!!! The way that Theo always describes her hair is quite hilarious though. Donna, you can’t keep describing her hair because you are eventually going to run out if words. Idc if Theo is obsessed with her hair, the descriptors are starting to get tiring. (Also he commented on how she had bitten down her nails or something and related it to how Boris did the same. Stop comparing your lovers to your boyf riend challenge!!!)

Um Theo just recalled him at 16 dating a 27 year old. Theo… are you good? You seem totally desensitised to this shit because of Boris and Kotku but DATING SOMEONE ALMOST 12 YEARS OLDER THAN YOU IS NOT GOOD! Theo baby boy you need to go to a therapist for more things than just the bombing, you were fucking groomed!

He’s currently at his engagement party (ik, why is it still happeninggg my guy she cheated on you) and some rando creepy dude is here but so is BORIS! Boris is fun and good and eeeeeeekkkkk I love him.

Chapter 11: The Gentleman’s Canal

I keep forgetting this is here and I keep ranting on discord instead of here so let me just catch you up on my thoughts on this chapter rq

I’m up to a section in The Idiot where Pippa and Theo are on a date and it’s so interesting… Pippa is another survivor of the bombing that almost killed both her and Theo and I feel like that love is so special to both of them but Theo is translating the nostalgia of their connection as something romantic when it truly isnt. Theo has this thing, I’ve noticed, where he thrives for nostalgia. Reason why he started dating his fiancé? She was his bestfriends sister during childhood. The reason he continues to do drugs even after Boris influenced him to do so? Sure, probably addiction but also the addiction to nostalgia. The reason he is in love with Pippa? Nostalgia. She reminds him of the last moments of his life when everything was truly in order

In addition to this, they play Apocalypse by Cigarettes After Sex during this scene in the movie which at first I thought was very odd (homophobic? Erasing his relation with a man and in turn making him crush on a girl?) but it definitely is used in a platonic way or at most from Theo’s perspective (where he displays his obsession with nostalgia as romance). *’sharing secrets with each other since we were kids’* very nostalgia based romance of you Theo

Chapter 12: The Rendezvous Point

So basically, Boris who was always characterised as the one of the ONLY characters to not simply give Theo and then push him away but instead gave him actual affection pulled a homophobia AND GAVE HIM DRUGS AND PUSHED HIM AWAY AHHHHH🔫🔫🔫 Theo is all sad about that (he was kinda happy abt the drugs but he’s an addict leave him alone)

And then shit got really bad right

Theo was aimlessly flicking through the television channels and he ended up watch a film his FATHER acted in and that triggered him to think about HOW MUCH HE IS LIKE HIS DAD and I’m literally going to die because me too Theo Decker!! Daddy issue mf bitch

Anyway I think he is gonna try to kill himself now so thats fun!

…I only said he was trying to kill himself as a joke but I think its serious now guys

I want to die,

RIP comfort chara 🤭🤭

Hahah heheh so cute Donna Tartt dont make him do this please

Act of rebellion. Life: vacant, vain, intolerable. What loyalty did I owe it? None whatsoever. Why not beat Fate to the punch? Throw the book on the fire and be done with it? There was no end in sight to the present horror, plenty of external, empirical horror to line up with my own endogenous

WOAH MY MAN JS WRITING THEIR LETTERS ALREADY HUH WHAT SLOW DOWN THEO HOLY SHIT HUH HUH WDYM IF HE ACTUALLY DOES THIS IM DONE

He’s talking about how his body feels like a marionette to his own actions and I literally cant rn

*insert picture of marionette from fnaf bc im to lazy to find one rn*

So he survived and he just compared Boris to his father…

Something in me had gone dead at the sight of him, almost like with my dad when I was a kid,

MY MOTHER WAS JOKING ABOUT THIS YESTERDAY PLEASE

Ten pages left 🤠 I am so fucking sad holy shit please dont finish I dont want this to end when this ends I am going to scream and I cant do that its 12:03 at night c’mon

3 pages…

Whoah im emotional and still reading but Screensaver by Wilbur Soot just started playing and my god I am litearlly dead. I have not heard this song in ages and it’s reminding me of the start of my MCYT phase but Im reading about the end of something im crying stfu Wimblur Shit

2 pages…

1 page…

I cant read it, at least right now. It’s like the square of chocolate, yk, I want to eat it but then it would be gone and I cant enjoy it after that. I dont want this to finish but here I go.

I have started the final page

Shit.

Closed the book.

It’s done Im so fucking upset 😭😭🤮

Anyway lets ignore that fact that I will never be able to experience this for the first time again and focus on what Mr Decker said

And—I would argue as well—all love. Or, perhaps more accurately, this middle zone illustrates the fundamental discrepancy of love. Viewed close: a freckled hand against a black coat, an origami frog tipped over on its side.

A freckled hand—Pippa’s presumably—against a black coat—Boris?—an origami frog tipped over on its side—Pippa.

OR YOU SEE MAYBE THEO COULD BE BORROWING BORIS JACKET IN A ROMA-

sorry.

No but I cant wtf is this ending Theo this isn’t good enough baby boy.

I am sad but guess no more saving this post to my drafts anymore. The Goldfinch is done.

[heterodickpaper]

analysis of theo's relationships with women in the goldfinch part 1: kitsey vs. pippa

disclaimer: i wrote this partly for an assignment which is why it's written sort of weirdly but please look past that it's interesting i promise)

i’ve seen a lot of posts comparing Pippa to Boris, and it got me thinking about the parallels between Theo’s relationship to Pippa versus his relationship to Kitsey, because i love the women in tgf and i think about them too much so:

The relationships are similar in a few ways-- most importantly, both are, at their roots, about his mother/a mother figure, both lack something important, and neither is a healthy one. With Kitsey, Theo has everything except genuine feeling, and with Pippa, all he has is feeling. The women themselves represent different things--Kitsey, always cool and rational, represents the life Theo could have had if he didn't have the trauma he does, the life he thinks he’s supposed to have--in the end, though, he admits he can’t go through life that way. Pippa represents Theo’s past, the unattainable, and above all, his mother. Theo goes back and forth over whether he could be with Pippa throughout the book, but it ends with him considering going to be with her, asking: “So? What if I go to London? So?”(763) in a way that echoes his childhood fantasies of her. Ultimately, though, this idea can never be anything more than a fantasy unless he does a lot of healing and forms a healthier relationship to her (which begs the question: would he even love her if he didn’t have the same toxic attachment to her?)

His relationship to Pippa is very messy--despite never really getting to know her, Theo is infatuated with her to the point of buying a necklace worth tens of thousands of dollars for her while she’s in a relationship. His love for her is trauma-based and not built on genuine connection--even he himself admits that it’s a “groundless, hopeless obsession”(509), almost parasocial. It’s more alike to his love for The Goldfinch than anything else. Both were there in the last moments he saw his mother alive, and so he forms an attachment to both of them. But whereas he has (or thinks he has) the painting for almost the whole book, he never has Pippa. And although he fantasizes about her a lot, he never talks about what a life with her would actually be like. Whether he never thinks about it or does but fails to put it in the book (because he knows it wouldn’t work?) is hard to say. However, based on his treatment of the painting, it’s fair to assume Theo would treat Pippa in much the same way if they ever were to have a real relationship--that is to say, in his current mental state, his attachment to her would only get worse (It’s weird to compare a person to an object, but that’s the point!! His feelings for her are weird!!!). He confesses that his infatuation with her is “muddied-up below the waterline with my mother, with my mother’s death, with losing my mother and not being able to get her back”(509), just like his obsession with The Goldfinch. He sees Pippa as a second chance at being with his mother, and because he barely knows her he’s able to project ideas onto her, when in reality there’s no way she could ever live up to his expectations of almost replacing his mother. He’s never really stopped imagining what she’s like, the way he did in the museum when he first saw her. They understand each other’s deepest trauma, but otherwise, they’re strangers; Theo is hardly more than “the old man in the movie…saying: ‘You know, that was sixty years ago, but not a month has gone by in all that time when I haven’t thought about her’”(30). There’s not even really proof that they would get along well in a relationship, even if they had met under normal circumstances. Theo is almost always painfully awkward around her--he only mentions two occasions when they really talked deeply. It’s fair to assume those were the only ones, since he jumps to validate their relationship whenever he can (but even he admits that those experiences were just illusions of a deeper bond--past the museum, we’re not given anything they have in common, unless you count Theo listening obsessively to music she was listening to once). There’s nothing to build a relationship on except their deep and twisted feelings for each other that stem from the most traumatic and defining experience of their life.

(real quick if you wanna read more about my interpretation of pippa & her feelings for theo i'll be posting it soon!! i have a ton to say abt that but i don't think it's completely relevant here sadly)

In contrast, his relationship with Kitsey is void of emotion. It seems perfect on paper--they spend lots of time together, they have fun together, he gets along with her family (to the point where Mrs. Barbour is maybe the most important person in their relationship, even the deciding factor as to whether they’ll get married). At first, he seems happy with her. And yet he notes several times that she fails to show any sign of grief for Andy or Mr. Barbour, and she won’t talk about serious subjects. At first it seems like it’s just Kitsey’s personality, but when Theo sees her with Tom Cable, she’s crying, something he’s never seen her do. So maybe it’s not just Kitsey--after all, for all Theo’s complaints about Kitsey’s constant levity, he remains passive. It seems crazy that he would get engaged to a woman who’s never shown negative emotion--he seems disturbed by it but not once does he consider asking her if she’s okay. This is a big clue that his feelings for her are inauthentic, which he confirms later on--at most, he feels affection for her, like one would feel for a not-very-close friend. If not for Theo’s prior connection to her family, they probably would never have entered a serious relationship at all. He’s not invested in her because he doesn’t need to be; their marriage is going to happen no matter what (or so it seems at that point). Even cheating didn’t stop their relationship--because it’s not really about their relationship or the emotions involved (or not involved) at all. It’s about having a mother figure (Mrs. Barbour) back in his life, and it’s about “moving on” from Pippa--the latter of which not only explains but necessitates the lack of feeling for Kitsey. The former is made clear throughout their relationship--Theo’s happiest memory of their engage ment period is “the memory of Mrs. Barbour’s joy at the news…that beautiful smile--I would never forget it--had been all for me” (511). And when Theo finds out about the cheating, it’s the threat of letting Kitsey’s mother down that keeps him with her.

So the two relationships are juxtaposed like this: Theo puts zero effort into his looming marriage to Kitsey, because it’s inevitable, and an inappropriate amount of effort into his nonexistent one with Pippa, because it’s impossible. Neither proves to be fulfilling or sustainable (big surprise). In the end, what he does or doesn’t do makes no difference--he’s never with Pippa, and when his relationship with Kitsey finally ends, it’s arguably an outside force (Boris and the painting) that causes it--it didn’t take much, but I still think Theo would have gone through with the wedding if he hadn’t been whisked away. Both relationships are illusions, and while Theo’s sentiment that “there’s no truth beyond illusion…Between reality…and the point where the mind strikes reality, there’s a middle zone” is interesting and true to some extent, it honestly seems more like a way to justify/feel okay about the fact that a lot of his relationships are unfulfilling.

this is especially interesting if you consider the queer subtext of the book!!! i'm kinda planning a part 2 where i discuss his short term relationships vs. his long term ones and how that connects to his end-of-book revelations and a part 3 where i look at all that through a queer lens & ofc talk about his relationship with boris and um maybe even a part 4 where i talk about pippa and kitsey themselves and their feelings for theo?? but idk lmk if that would be interesting to read and also which one(s) you'd like to see first

[otrtbs]

Omg you like The Goldfinch too? I feel like it’s more hit or miss than tsh, either you love it or hate it lol just some of my fav quotes.

“Every new event- everything I did for the rest of my life- would only separate us more and more: days she was no longer a part of, an ever growing distance between us. Every single day for the rest of my life, she would only be further away.”

“How had I fetched up into this strange new life, where drunk foreigners shouted around me in the night, and all my clothes are dirty, and nobody loved me?”

Also, Theo and Boris just being absolute menaces in Las Vegas makes me feel nostalgic for some reason? lmfao

Hello!! I LOVE THE GOLDFINCH ITS MY FAVOURITE BOOK EVER !!!! Everyone really likes tsh more and goldfinch is more hit or miss but I think its HEAPS better than the tsh and really anything else ever written lmaooo

Theo and Boris and Vegas makes me cry bc its hurts so good and bad at the same time it stings! and I love them!

my favorite quote from the goldfinch EVER is

“It is a glory and a privilege to love what Death doesn’t touch. For if disaster and oblivion have followed this painting down through time — so too has love. Insofar as it is immortal (and it is) I have a small, bright, immutable part in that immortality. It exists; and it keeps on existing. And I add my own love to the history of people who have loved beautiful things, and looked out for them, and pulled them from the fire, and sought them when they were lost, and tried to preserve them and save them while passing them along literally from hand to hand, singing out brilliantly from the wreck of time to the next generation of lovers, and the next.”

it makes me so EMOTIONAL and

“And just as music is the space between notes, just as the stars are beautiful because of the space between them, just as the sun strikes raindrops at a certain angle and throws a prism of color across the sky - so the space where I exist, and I want to keep existing, and to be quite frank I hope I die in, is exactly this middle distance: where despair struck pure otherness and created something sublime.”

i actually have so many favourite quotes but I’ll stop there for now !! but I have never loved a book more and I do consider the goldfinch an old friend!! we’ve been through a lot together haha <33

[zebonifer]

Holding Hands (Because I Love You)

A quick drabble about Boris & Theo (surprise...?) for my friend @06strawberrylemonade28

I like to imagine a world where Boris and Theo could get to the part where they admit to loving each other in high school. Enjoy!

------

It was only first period and Theo already couldn’t stop looking at the clock. The morning had been a normal one, Theo practically having to drag Boris out of bed before throwing a text book at him, just narrowly missing his already bruised up face. They had brushed their teeth together in the bathroom at Theo’s insistence. “Potter,” Boris had said, the words coming out garbled around his toothbrush. When Theo turned to look the older boy splashed a cup of water in his face and proceeded to cackle like a maniac as Theo chased him around, toothbrush in the air, mouth full of minty fresh foam. They had barely made it to the bus- the sign from the gods they were supposed to go to school that day as they frequently missed the bus by a fraction of a second, taking that as a sign to stay home and get drunk- heaving and breathless from running. Legs pressed up against each other on the faux leather seat, they traveled wordlessly, sharing Theo’s earbuds, listening to The Beatles. Golden dust kicked up around the bus as it sped toward the school giving the illusion of traveling in a particularly bumpy but sunlit cloud. Theo would have found it a kind of beautiful sight had his mind not been so fully occupied by words uttered to him carelessly the night before. 

They had been high. It didn’t mean anything, right? Boris said stupid shit all the time, all kinds of things he didn’t mean when the intoxicants flooded his brain. But Theo had to wonder- it had been hours since they had shared the joint and he himself hadn’t felt the least bit high when Boris had said it. With Boris’ much higher tolerance for all the shit they got into, there was no way he could have been high. The blonde boy banged his head on the desk, a little harder than intended, garnering stares from classmates as well as the teacher. 

“Mr. Decker? Is my class the most convenient place for you to take a nap? Would you like a pillow?” His voice was agitated and Theo peered up from where he lay on the desk, deciding it was best if he at least looked like he was paying attention. 

He muttered a quiet I’m sorry and resolved to make an effort to look more engaged. Quickly, however, his mind wandered back to Boris. This was not a class they shared so they couldn’t even laugh at the stupid things their peers said or kick each other under the desk just because. So instead, Theo stared at the clock and wondered if Boris had meant what he said the previous night. 

Boris had been laying one direction on the couch, Theo the opposite as the day turned into night around them. Their heads rested on each other’s shoulders, propped up enough to see the other only just. Boris’ long legs dangled over the arm rest, bare feet restlessly kicking the side of the couch. 

“Not that I’m not glad he’s gone most of the time, but what can they possibly be doing on the strip all the time? They are always there!” Theo had wondered out loud. He took a swig of the warm beer, the last bottle in the house, that he and Boris had decided to share. 

“Fuck. Eat. Drink. Gamble. Like us-“ Theo nearly choked at Boris’ open admission but the other boy continued, unphased, “only we do not gamble. Except maybe with sanity, but is not the same,” he paused thoughtfully, “No, is the same. Hand it over, Potter.” He stuck his hand in the air and Theo slid the bottle into it, their fingertips brushing lightly. 

“We never f—“ before he could finish, he felt his head drop suddenly onto the couch as Boris got up and flipped over, his nose nearly touching Theo’s. His eyes looked a mix of angry and annoyed. Lightly he slapped Theo’s cheek and the younger boy scrunched his forehead. 

“We have. You are always too drunk to remember, идиот.” Theo knew. He wasn’t always too drunk to remember, he had just hoped Boris had been. They never spoke about it the next day. This was the first time either of them had openly admitted to any of the things they had done together in the safety of the darkness, in a cloud of intoxicants. 

“I—“ Theo was at a loss. Instinctively his hands moved to his glasses. What he wanted to do was reach up and thread his hands through Boris’ greasy black curls, but a strange feeling in his gut brought his hand to the frames he hated instead of the boy he most definitely did not hate. 

Chapped, upside down lips found his, cold fingers traced the underside of his jaw. Goose bumps rose over his arms and his breathe caught in his throat. They had never kissed as sober as they were, but the few times Theo could remember he had always enjoyed the feeling of Boris’ lips pressed to his. Just as Theo made to kiss him back, Boris pulled away and he gasped at the lack of contact. 

“I like you, Theo. A lot.” With that, he pushed himself up off the couch and went up the stairs, Theo’s eyes following him the whole way. 

Shit. After that they had fallen asleep- Boris upstairs, Theo downstairs- and in the morning, nothing was said. For once, Theo almost wanted to talk about it. What could he even say that would express both what he felt and the deep insecurity at having felt it? The words weren’t coming to him. 

“Mr. Decker!” Theo’s head shot up from the empty space he had been staring off into. Then the bell rang. Shit. “You’re off easy this time, Mr. Decker. Next time, come to class ready to pay attention and participate!” 

Shit- he was going to see Boris. They had their next class together. He had to say something. On the precipice of exploding with everything unsaid between them, Theo had an idea that would speak to Boris in a language he could understand while not having to say anything at all. 

Quickly he gathered his books and darted out of the classroom. On the other side of the door he looked up and down the hallway for Boris but found the object of his affection standing right in front of him, having just come out of the classroom across the hall. A mass of students moved around them, walking this way and that to get to their next class but both boys stood still, eyes locked. Cheeks turning to fire his gaze fell to his shoes before he reached out a hand, “Boris.” 

He looked confused and cautious. Theo took a step closer and extended his hand again. “Theo?”

The younger boy gave a half smile before outright grabbing Boris’ cold hand- a hand that shouldn’t be cold with how hot it was outside, but always seemed to be. “Boris.”

Shaking his dark curls out of his eyes he grinned wide and mischievous as he threaded their fingers together and squeezed Theo’s hand tightly in his own. “Theo.”

[lluvguts]

sore eyes // boreo

pairing: adult theodore decker / boris pavlikovsky

 genre + warning: some angst, swearing, implied sex

word count: 1778

summary: theo and boris have been hiding some things, and theo finally cracks

words in translation: Птица- the bird // Такой идиот - such an idiot

read it on ao3

A text message from Theo’s phone echoed, then resonated in the dark; the ceiling was haloed in the screen’s soft blue light moments before returning to black. Different sheets that held familiar smells. Theo reached out from under the blankets with a sleepy hand for his glasses and stopped cold.

Kitsey: Hey you! Still spending the night at Hobie’s? Wanna grab a bite to eat in the morning? I can swing by the shop :) xoxoxo ♡ ♡ ♡!!!

A rustle next to him. Theo set the phone back onto the hotel nightstand with a hollow clatter before Boris could turn over and inspect. The barely there tickle of his hair against Theo’s bare neck, a subdued breath from behind warming the still air. Boris extended a hand to pull Theo’s upturned shoulder back down into the sheets, murmuring nonsensical Polish—words that would have soothed Theo, in years prior, but now only made him lie unmoving around his touch. The refusal to accept; the wave of shifting light casting foreign shadows along the walls, an inky blue prelude to dawn. The city awakening, another night unfurling into the real world: leaving Theo unsure how to place his relationship with Boris among the daily trivialities of his own life. A piece that does not fit anywhere, no matter what age or chapter they decide to burst into. It simply would not work.

Theo knew Boris was not asleep—his undressed body was emanating delicious heat, closeness that made Theo flinch as he neared. With his back to the curtain he was bathed in shadow, accentuating his downturned jaw and angular form—all the more resemblant to Theo of a sculpted Hermes, or that of a Baroque painting: shaped hues of milk white and hushed blue contours that dipped into the crevices of his body, the brief suggestion of color, only a brushstroke of width, blooming under his sharp cheeks.

His hand the only thing touching him. It crept lower, a delicate dance of fingers across skin, towards his exposed abdomen until Theo flung out a hand in warning. Ironclad grip.

“Boris.”  

But he only chortled out a tired laugh, his dark eyes open and one expressive brow furrowed.

“What? Are you still upset over your bird that you cannot enjoy? Let me touch you,” Boris ignored his request—along with the hand locked onto his wrist—and continued to tease with soft touches that drove him mad. Theo brushed Boris’s hand away and sat up.

“Stop. I can’t do this anymore.” Theo said and pulled the thin bedsheet over his middle.  

“Cannot do what? Have fun? If this is about Птица, you know there are ways to get it back.”

Theo could not address the crippling shame he felt about the painting. The years of its guarded presence holding Theo afloat. Gone. “I can’t..I can’t keep hiding. It’s wrong. And technically, this is an affair.”

“Hah! Affair,” He spit out the word like it was poison to his lips, “As if snowflake would care. She sleeps with her love, why can you not with yours? Hmm?”

Theo did not reply. “We are adults, Potter. Grown men. She can do what she likes the same as we.” Boris went to the nightstand on his side—Theo’s heart sped at the curve of his taut skin, how his bare hands had felt every scar, caressed each shoulder blade, trailed a finger in unadulterated bliss down the dip in his lower back—his toned muscles twisting as he reached for a cigarette. The days spent craving his body against his own, how desperately Theo missed it during the daytime: a fact he couldn’t face in the present moment, not with him so close, his lips soft even in a sneer.

“You make this sound like it’s an acceptable thing.”

“What has it been these past ten years then? Vegas? Was that something you forgot?” Boris spoke around the cigarette, his voice icy and holding every drop of contempt for the lost time they spent emerging into adults—the things left unspoken finally dusted off and frowned upon.

“Like how you forgot to reach out to me all this time.” Theo said bitterly

“Pfft. Is different thing. Don’t change the subject.”

“I’m not. It is directly connected and you know it.” Theo crossed his arms.

“Is directly connected,” Boris rolled his eyes and mimicked him.

“So what then?” Theo asked over Boris’s  imitation, his voice growing louder, “Why come all the way out here? Why stay? You could have left the second you saw me in that pub. An easy way out, really. With the painting lost forever and all.” Theo felt the anger rise from where it had been sitting vacant all these years; he had no issue with the bite behind his words, or what it might do to their secret nights spent together. Kitsey might be happier with Cable but it didn’t matter to Theo: he couldn’t live with the shame it would cause if the Barbours found out about Boris, or Hobie. Having to come clean.

Boris leaned up against the headboard—completely bare and unashamed in the fact—to point a finger at Theo. “I stayed for you. Hah! I even took painting for you. If not, would have no reason to be back. Would never see you again.”

Theo let out a mirthless laugh. To conceal the knot of worry threading its way into his mind. “That’s your excuse? To ‘see me?’ We were childish and stupid in Vegas. Apparently nothing’s changed.”

“Fuck you.” Boris stamped out the cigarette and  rose from the bed, facing the curtained window and allowing Theo to gaze with confliction at his back. His dense set of black curls magnified in the filtered sunrise. “Thinking I can come back, we can be together, like this. With no worry. Такой идиот.” He muttered to himself.

But he heard him. Theo crawled across the bed and took Boris’s forearm to spin him back. “What did you expect Boris? You can show up in my life, let us have a few good fucks and think everything’s alright? The same?” He had a pained expression flash across his face, his eyes once bright but were now shaded with emptiness at the brief moments he had hope.

“Of course not,” Boris said quickly, but Theo knew that fallen face, even now he did a poor job at hiding what he was feeling, “I came here on business trip. And found you! Was fate that brought us together. Don’t you see it, Theo? And now is fate asking us to be here.”

“Fuck fate, Boris. You can’t just expect me to drop everything and go. Hell, even be sleeping with you. I’m engaged to be married, you have a wife—or was that a lie too? I practically own the shop, I can’t just up and leave Hobie like that. I have a life here.” Theo ignored the ache in his stomach remembering the sight of Boris, after ten years, finally seeing him. The joy that overcame him, the memory of how it made the fierce wind that afternoon not as harsh; his tired eyes had lightened when his arms found his shoulders, small mannerisms never forgotten.

“You expected me to drop everything, that day. In Vegas I had a life, and still you wanted me to go with you. What is so different now?” Boris wiped his face with a rough hand and glared at Theo. His black eyes glittered with hidden emotion: regret for what could have happened, their future dangling by a what-if.

“I told you. I just can’t. I can’t have sex with you anymore. Not like this. It’s wrong on so many levels—I have a fiancé, whether or not I love her. I still have ties. And I am in no way flying across the continent on some drug heist for you. It’s not my fault that you lost the fucking painting.”

Boris sighed. His face undeniably hurt. “So harsh, Potter. I do not know what time has done to change you, but maybe you do not mean things you say.” His smile was only a quirk of his lips, not reaching his eyes. Empty.

“And now, as I think. If not for your little bird, maybe we would have never met again. Last goodbye under that street lamp.” Boris continued, his face hollow. Theo didn’t like where this was going—the broken look in Boris’s eyes as he bent to pick up his clothes strewn across the carpet.

“Where are you going?” Theo asked with bated breath as he watched Boris button his pants, his overcoat, shirt.

Boris, who could never keep his mouth shut. Left without a word.

If only Boris could see, Theo thought, he was doing this for their own good. Because really, what else was there to do? Theo wasn’t chained to Boris, and neither was he. They were adults. They had lives to live—regardless of their love, the ardent connection that stemmed from boyhood, no matter how many times they tried to make it work.

This wasn’t a relationship. Theo had to tell himself compulsively as he gathered his own clothes off the floor and left Boris’s hotel room. To meet Kitsey, to pretend he was at the shop. That everything was going as planned. But Theo started to wonder: was there any way to make things the way they should? Could there be one?

So that Theo could wake to Boris’s sleeping shape in the morning, the face he loved, rather than Kitsey’s? Go their separate ways, different relationships, yet remain on parallel paths: could Theo ever imagine introducing Mrs. Barbour to Boris, while Kitsey stayed with Tom? Would she smile in the same tender, personal way that she often did when Theo was in the room?

Theo knew he had it all wrong. He was afraid of losing Boris; the shame that resided deep in his bones was only at himself—surfacing words: coward. Trapped. Isolated. Stuck in an engagement meant only for the bettering of others. Not what he wanted.

Stay. We can make it work.  

A dull, festering throb started at the base of his chest, worming its way to his heart. Clung to the back of his throat. Skull pounding a new kind of headache down the busy streets, searching with sore eyes for a familiar overcoat, thick black hair blowing in the wind. His life raft out of the choppy future he was forced to drown in.

Last goodbye under that streetlamp.

Theo: Boris. Call me.

[phoenixyfriend]

The MILFnevka AU

Once again something that was brainstormed en masse on the GG fanworks server.

I was... very much spearheading this one, but I dragged in @professorsparklepants for a lot, because Anevka, as well as input from @fenerismoon, @purronronner, @gelpenss​, and @whirlibird. The original conversation took place mid-September of 2019.

AU where Tarvek's side of the family squeezed in an extra generation or so.

Aaronev was still Lu's generation, but he had Anevka young, and she was an only child who was already an adult by the time Lu disappeared. As a result, Aaronev let her married before she ended up in the machine (because he wasn’t desperate yet), and he couldn't risk drawing the attention by the time Agatha’s gen is being born.

So instead of being Tarvek's SISTER, she's his MOM.

Anevka formed her own faction, separate from the Aaronev and vaguely aligned with Terabithia’s.

She insisted Martellus and his branch hang out with Tarvek because being an only child is lonely, and also it keeps Tarvek out of his grandfather's sights and vague plans of body-hopping.

She is a Protective Momma who is a little TOO down with murdering anyone who threatens her child.

Agatha: you're just going to listen to your evil mom? Because no offense but that's worked out really bad for me so far. Tarvek: She's not EVIL, just... Valois... anyway the Baron knows what she's like and mostly he just rolls his eyes and tries to keep her away from Queen DuPree.

Anevka is definitely the mom that uses her position as mother of the king/heir to stockpile as much power as possible and control everything behind the scenes. Tarvek is currently trying to undermine this and wrestle back control as secretly as possible.

Wine mom with eighty hidden stabbing implements.

When Agatha is discovered, Anevka still kills her dad, but it's not like she can steal Agatha's voice in this AU, so she just settles for aggressively matchmaking her with Tarvek.

Anevka's managed to rein her dad in, mostly, because she's a powerful spark with an Undefined Husband who nonetheless has enough good connections to cause a ruckus if he finds out about the Summoning Throne, and he's too sparky to wasp.

This did lead to his early death and no siblings for Tarvek, but not before Anevka managed to fight her dad down to ONLY trying to throne the girls who were legitimately likely to be Agatha.

And then Agatha's in Sturmhalten and Anevka's just like. Well. Time for plan A. And kills her dad.

Regarding Gil...  She kinda wants to pat him on the head and tell him to try harder.

I'm not wholly convinced Tarvek got kicked off of Castle Wulfenbach, depending on how Anevka married and decided to approach things. She might have warned Tarvek to AVOID stealing information, even, if she was worried about Aaronev trying to do something.

Less "do whatever you can to help us gain power" and more "do whatever you can to stay out of Sturmhalten."

Tarvek: My mom is a bitch and I love her so much

Klaus hates it when Anevka comes to CW because she acts like some unholy cross between Lucrezia, Terabithia, and Zantabraxus and she keeps hitting on his top enforcers but with knives and pretty dresses.

Unstoppable Divorce energies

Anevka: Do you like my new dress? Klaus: Your bodice is far too low cut, please stop visiting me dressed like my ex. I'm the same age as your father. Anevka: I know, it's really fun to watch you suffer as you fail to resist the urge to tell me to put on a sweater.

Tarvek: MOTHER YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME IN FRONT OF ALL MY FRIENDS PLEASE STOP HITTING ON THE BARON AURGH. Anevka: I'm not HITTING on him, I'm trying to make his face turn puce. Anevka: I am, however, hitting on Von Pinn. She looks like she knows how to have fun. Tarvek: MOTHER.

Tarvek, to Gil: the baron can't be your dad, he's old enough to be your grandfather. Gil: He’s at a solid age for both.

Anevka and Klaus have zero actual attraction to each other but there's definitely A Dynamic that's eerily reminiscent of his relationship with Bang, with slightly less "I did a violence, be proud of me" and slightly more "I did a sexy and/or politics, be proud of me."

Tarvek: I have a problem. Gil: What's up? Tarvek: All of our friends want to fuck my mom. Zulenna: I don't. Tarvek: That's because she used to put you in time-out when we were five.

Anevka is prime Dangerous Widow material. She didn't actually kill her husband but a hell of a lot of people think she did.

Seffie thinks her Auntie 'Nevka is the COOLEST

Anevka having an intermittent fling with that "darlingly stupid young hero, Tryggvassen" makes me laugh way too hard and also dips into my nonsense love of Otharnevka.

At one point we did sidle over into “what if Single Father KB tho”

Like they met at some point on vacation while the kids were still kids, which does lose us the “Anevka aggressively ships her kid with Agatha” thing, so I’m not sticking with this but there’s some hella fun tidbits.

Anevka: Guess what. Klaus, very tired: What. Anevka: I'm getting married. Klaus: Again? Good for you. I hope this one lives longer. Anevka: He has the same name as you. Klaus: Get out of my house.

KB isn't a widower, things are just complicated and everyone blames Lu. There's time travel involved, of course.

"So your daughter--" "Sister." "...how--" "Just... just blame my mother."

He's LEGALLY Agatha's dad, maybe? Their dynamic is parent-child. Just, you know, as far as blood goes...

Anevka wants KB to help her bag Othar again. KB thinks she means finally killing him. Anevka: I might. Haven't decided yet.

Overall, though, including KB is too complicated without undermining the entire premise I want. Which is mostly canon but Anevka is Tarvek's embarrassing, mysterious, prone-to-assassination mother.

Seriously though, the entire attraction here is Anevka having the Dangerous Widow Whom No Man Can Tie Down vibe

She's a solo act. Some flings, sure, but overall? Chaos. Refined, elegant chaos.

Anevka as Bang’s sugar mom was suggested. We were obviously all on board.

Bang doesn’t need a sugar mom, but it makes the vein in Klaus's forehead throb, and that's very important.

Bang absolutely tries to get Tarvek to call her “mom” while she’s ‘dating’ Anevka. One time he does call her that and it throws her for SUCH A LOOP because no wrong.

Anevka occasionally daydreams of a world where she could have both Othar and Bang at the same time without them IMMEDIATELY trying to kill each other. Only occasionally, though, she has evidence to plant and blood to spill.

BACK TO ANEVKA SHIPPING HER KID WITH HIS POLITICALLY-APPROPRIATE CRUSH.

Anevka: Oh look, my future daughter-in-law. Tarvek, tired: Mother, she doesn't like me. Anevka: Whyever not? You're clever, handsome, politically apt, charming, sensitive, heir to a throne, you are EVERYTHING a maiden could wish for. Tarvek: You just think that because you're my mom. Agatha: No, no, she's not wrong. You're just not someone I trust. At all. Especially since you say you've been a honeypot before. Anevka: See? A simple hurdle, dear, I'm sure you could whip him into shape in no time. I could even loan you the whip. And the harness, perh-- Tarvek: MOTHER.

Anevka sends Tarvek out with Othar for “field trips.”

It’s great!! Multi-purpose! Absolutely helps boost Tarvek’s image if he’s associated with Known Hero, gets Othar out of her hair for a little bit, sometimes he can be pointed in a direction that’s useful to her.

Othar refers to this outings as “stepfather-stepson bonding times.” Tarvek absolutely hates it. Detests it, really.

Somehow something goes wrong and like 50% of the time and he ends up getting accused of murder, probably.

It’s so unfair. Especially since of the two of them, Othar is more likely to murder than him. (It’s because everyone knows what those Valois types are like, and Othar is a hero.)

Gil: What's so embarrassing about your mom? Your mom's nice. (To me.)

She gives him head pats and lollipops. His own dad certainly never gives him head pats OR lollipops.

Anevka: Well I WAS going to push him towards dear little Seffie, but he seems to be quite enamored with YOU, darling. Tarvek: Mother, PLEASE stop getting invested in my love life.

Anevka’s job is to meddle, he’s lucky she isn’t drawing up contracts and going Full Arrangement.

I also love the idea of Anevka having one of those "sunshine embodied anime mom" smiles as she says "Oh Tarvek, dear, look at all your little friends!"

She's genuinely enthused but Klaus is heavily disturbed by Anevka smiling like that.

"Is she going to sacrifice them?" "Uh, no, it isn't Sunday."

Human sacrifice is actually garish and passe these days, haven’t you heard?

Just imagining one of those Stately Child and Parent portraits with Anevka and Tarvek here.

When Tarvek was born, Anevka has an "I've only had my son for an hour and a half" moment... and then just shrugged and rolled with it.

Anevka "Hot Mom" Sturmvoraus is one of the MANY banes of Klaus's existence, but she's definitely one of the friendliest on the list... as much as he may resent that, at times.

Anevka: Is the Baron in? Boris: Actually... [Crashing noise] Boris: He just left. Anevka, pulling on the rocket boots she stole from Othar and heading towards the broken window leading to the outside of the ship: That's alright, I'll catch up.

(I love how Anevka's name just lends itself so well to AU portmanteaus.)

Anevka definitely susses out Gil's identity but she doesn't actually DO anything about it other than angling for Useful Connections.

She's always telling Tarvek to bring his friend along, and Klaus doesn't want Gil anywhere near that family but he doesn't want it to look like he has any particular interest in Gil.

Imagine Klaus actually encouraging Gil to persue Agatha with the idea that it will put some distance between Gil and "that damn woman and her spawn." Anevka for her part is pushing Agatha towards Tarvek. Meanwhile the three of them are working it out between themselves.

She just has This Energy, folks:

Tarvek: Oh no. Theo: Whats the matter? That's your mom, right? Tarvek: Oh NO, she's wearing her 'NEWLY WIDOWED BUT OUT ON THE PROWL' OUTFIT Theo: ????? She hasn’t been widowed- Tarvek: SHES AFTER THE BARON AND I'M GOING TO DIE OF EMBARRASSMENT, THEO

The one thing here is that Anevka's not into Klaus and he's not into her but by GOD is she going to fuck with his head about it.

She’s just doing this for the Big Dick Energy of trying to Get Baron Wulfenbach.

Embarrassing mom of the deadliest degree.

Tarvek: YOU’RE GOING TO RUIN MY LIFE. Anevka: Don't be so dramatic, let your mother have a bit of fun. Besides, he's not expelling you anymore, is he? Tarvek: I almost wish he was-

Also Gil and Tarvek reconciling early on due to the immense power of being Embarrassed By Your Parents.

Anevka and Klaus getting increasingly bitchy at each other at dinner, and Tarvek and Gil are just. Bright red and glowering at them.

They’re DESTROYING their COOL TEEN CRED.

Tarvek doesn't ever wants to marry a woman who has been married before, not because of some weird distaste of so-called "sloppy seconds," but rather that he's just scared that they're going to be like his mom, and planning to kill him for his money.

Tarvek, waking up in the middle of the night: What if they really do get married and I have to have Gil as a stepbrother. Tarvek: (screams internally for a few hours)

Anevka is also that Sailor J contouring video

While Otharnevka is... this thing

Some more relevant Vibes: Divorce Court Half-Mourning Upper East Side Widow

Everyone always assumed she had murdered her husband. It was a natural assumption, but ultimately wrong. She had had plans in place to kill him if the need arose, but in the end she hadn’t needed them.

Most people grossly underestimated how complicated it was to arrange for someone to be t-boned by a semi carrying flammable chemicals.

Othar as Anevka's second trophy husband and Tarvek's annoying stepdad has a very specific energy.

That energy is at least 20% "the lovebirds take anniversary honeymoons every year" and 60% "Tarvek hates being in the room with them because they're gross and embarrassing."

This is partly fun because Othar being Tarvek’s stepdad is... a lot.

But honestly, I'm also just enjoying cougar Anevka with Trophy Husband Othar. They're actually in love!!! BUT. Cougar with a trophy husband.

Anevka makes sly comments about Othar and Klaus having sexual tension.

Also I have headcanons about NB Tarvek and like

I think she'd be supportive up until the point of "you want to be Storm King, don't you?"

Less "this isn't natural and you shouldn't be this way" and more "this is going to cause you trouble due to social norms."

"Keep it under wraps until your throne is secure, then you can come out in a blaze of glory." No dresses in public until you're king, then do whatever you want. After all, “Your Majesty” is gender neutral.

Anevka caught Tarvek playing dressup in her closet one time and just criticized the color relationships.

And you must try to avoid wearing that particular shade at all, my dear, it really doesn't look imperial.