#thenewsixty

[laurakaye]

This. Is. 60.

November 13, 2017

[Originally posted in segments on Facebook and Instagram.]

Yep, the secret is out. I turn 60 years old today. As I got closer to this day, I debated with myself as to whether or not I should reveal my actual age. I mean, I’m a very definite product of the music industry’s disdain for aging females. I’m happy to report that my original vision and goal won out.

Since my last birthday, I made a conscious decision to take my workouts to the next level, cultivating focus and determination to achieve the goals I’ve set for myself. This is a symbolic act as much as it is a physical one. My vision has been to hit 60 with a BANG, and use this to set the tone for this next decade of my life.

As I approached this scary number, I figured I had two choices. I could either cower from it, rail at it, get depressed by it, generally freak out about it; OR I could embrace it with immense gratitude that I’m ALIVE and turn it into a celebration.

It’s not easy – and I’ve gone through many existential crises these past few years as I age in an industry that views female aging as a bad thing - but I’m choosing the latter. Truth be told, I’m turning 60 no matter what so I might as well do my best to face it with a joyous stance.

I never thought I’d make it to 60, actually. The majority of my family either died young or has battled various cancers, so my entire life has been informed by the expectation that I’d never get here. But here I am, and I’m in good health, and I’m working my tail off to stay that way… because the alternative does not appeal to me. Am I creaky in the morning? Yes! Does it take a little extra work to stretch it out and move so I can stand tall and face each day? Yes! But I LIKE feeling strong, I LIKE standing straight, I LIKE seeing muscles when I look in the mirror; and being lean and fit is a major contributor to my happiness. For ME, this is powerful motivation.

Every day is a blessing. Even the challenges and heartaches and pain are blessings because they make you GROW; they build your foundation, they fortify you, they make you who you are.

The best piece of advice I ever received was, “You are not a victim. You are a survivor.” YES I AM.

Oh, and I’m 60.

And 60 ROCKS!!!!

My larger goal is to shatter the paradigm of what it means to be a biologically older woman in our society (because really mentally I’m just a total Peter Pan).

I don’t talk about my age much when I’m in professional situations, mainly because our culture is very quick to comment on and judge women’s appearances as we get older, like it’s a bad thing we need to fix. Very different story for men, but THAT is another topic entirely. ;)

We’re constantly bombarded with magazine articles that scream at us for daring to flaunt our personal style past a certain age. If you’re over 40, you can’t do this. If you’re over 50, you can’t do that. If you’re over 60? 70? 80? Well, if you’re a female in the MUSIC industry, you should just go off into the wilderness and disappear. And if you’re an older female in general, you gradually become more and more invisible.


Well, that mindset is just not in my emotional makeup. Maybe it’s because I’m a creative person and creative people follow their own rules. Whatever it is, I’m Peter Pan. I may be getting older but I won’t grow up. I hope I never lose that feeling of joyous childlike wonder, or the feeling of reveling in the great highs I experience when I jump around the stage like a lunatic. On top of that, the louder I sing – aka the stronger I inhabit and project my power - the better I feel. And I never want to give that up. Why should I?

The more of us older women who continue to do our thing, continue to be vital and open and creative and STRONG, the better. Who’s with me? ;)

YOURS IS THE ONLY DEFINITION THAT TRULY MATTERS. Don’t ever let anyone else’s expectations define who you are or what you’re capable of. Boundaries are an illusion.

I’m the type of person who, when I find something that inspires and challenges me, I throw myself wholeheartedly into the task of mastering it. Total commitment. Go big or go home. I don’t like to do anything half-assed. I don’t like to settle and I don’t like to give up. I expand when challenged, I rise up to my fullest height, I work harder, I get more intense.

Earlier this year, I set a goal for myself to do a fitness photo shoot for my birthday and prepare for it like it was a competition. In a way, I suppose it was; since I was competing with my own personal best to see if I could take it to another level. I’ve been weight training and body sculpting and treating gyms as playgrounds on and off since I was 28 years old but, for the past 10 months or so, I’ve been rededicating myself and working harder than ever.

When I’m not on the road, I take cardio dance classes every single day (twice/day if my schedule permits), I incorporate multiple sets of core exercises every other day, and I have a set schedule of workouts that typically looks like this: - Saturday: back/biceps - Sunday: lower body, part 1 - Monday: chest/triceps - Tuesday: off, with the exception of a barre class - Wednesday: shoulders - Thursday: lower body, part 2 - Friday: off

My workouts were all going well but my brain started getting meddlesome as I got closer to the photo shoot. I’d look in the mirror and be consumed with self-doubt (“what am I thinking!”) and it was a daily struggle to get that voice of self-sabatoge to quiet down. At one point, it got so bad that I came very close to cancelling the entire thing but what kept me going was the overriding thought that I’d be filled with regret if I came this far and then backed down.

There is nothing like the sense of accomplishment when you set a challenge for yourself and you rise above every obstacle – both physical and psychological - to achieve it.

Self doubt. Aka self-administered toxic poison. It takes effect quickly and it stops us in our tracks. As a creative person, the sludge of “I’m not good enough” and “Why bother” and “I can’t do it” can sometimes be tough to push through.

So I let those voices have their say, I acknowledge them, and then I climb up and over and through them… because it’s all about keeping that creative valve open in everything you do. Dig deep to find the discipline and focus to make things happen in your life, and take charge despite the inevitable setbacks. I’ve gotten caught in the trap of doubting my progress and my abilities, and this is precisely when I need to remind myself of THIS:

“When you doubt your power, you give power to your doubt.”  ~Honore de Balzac

I have my cheerleaders and I have my antagonists. Both have great value. Cheerleaders keep me going, antagonists test my resolve.

My greatest cheerleader on this journey – and in my life - is my beautiful husband Mark. He’s quick to compliment me when he catches me flexing in the mirror, he continuously supports me every step of the way, and has been and continues to be a true voice of encouragement. Of course, part of this is a natural outgrowth of the love he feels for me - and oh how lucky I am to be the recipient of that love - but he, too, is an extremely disciplined fitness enthusiast who keeps himself in excellent shape, so he understands. While our methods may be different, our goals are the same. We want to live healthy lives and continue doing the things we love for as long as we are capable of doing so. My second greatest cheerleader is my child, Elijah, who seems genuinely proud of what I’ve been accomplishing and helps to push me in a forward moving direction whenever witnessing my bouts of self-doubt. In a very real way, I’m doing this for Elijah. It’s a legacy thing, it’s a motivational thing, it’s a demonstration of what can be accomplished with hard work and discipline. As parents, I believe we must do everything in our power to be the ultimate role models for our children. And, considering the state of the world today, I believe that in a larger sense we should try our best to be role models for everyone...

Conversely, there are people who say, “But you already look great, why are you doing this?” or “You’re going to overtrain and injure yourself!” When I shared the news with a couple of friends that I was changing up my diet in the weeks before my photo shoot so I could lean out even more, I got a verbal onslaught that literally made me take a step backwards. They said things like “When you’re older and you lose too much weight, your face will look haggard!” and “You’ll make yourself sick!” and “You’re getting too skinny!” After thinking about this for a bit, I came to understand that their comments came from a place of caring and concern. I took a defensive stance until I realized I could use this moment to supply even more fuel for my fire.

A few weeks ago, I was doing cable crossovers at the gym and there was a woman using a machine near me, who happily commented about my form while doing the exercise. She looked pretty badass herself and was also demonstrating excellent form. We starting chatting and I shared with her how old I am and a few details about my ongoing fitness mission and she astonished me by saying she was 85 years old, has been a runner all her life, and has done multiple triathlons with her now 92 year old sister (who is also still going strong).  Her comment and her story made me feel so happy because, looking at her, I know that what I’m striving for is possible. Oh, and her name is FAITH. How awesome is THAT?  

(Note above the above picture: Those of you who know me know that I generally HATE wearing high heels, especially onstage. I have enough trouble keeping my balance WITHOUT heels, let alone with them... but wearing them for this particular photo helped me to get my leg muscles to do what I needed them to do. They didn't last long - maybe just this picture - but they did the trick. lol 😂)

I’ve worked with several trainers on and off over the years and have accumulated enough knowledge to craft my own workouts and do my own thing but, since my goal here was to take this to another level, several weeks before the shoot, I supplemented my workouts by training with Nathan Blake (who, in addition to being my cardio dance instructor, is also an excellent personal trainer) and started working with a true fitness inspiration, Lori Glatt, to help me target my troublesome shoulder area. No matter how much I lift, it’s been hard to get that nice rounded shoulder cap that I’m after. Lori gave me some excellent tips on how to isolate this area, all without using super heavy weights, and all very mindful of a pesky recurring neck injury (from a long career of head banging - lol).

Acting on suggestions and recommendations from Nathan and Lori, I intensified my workouts, and adjusted my diet to “lean out” and lower my body fat level in an effort to get my muscles to pop more. Lori told me about a company called Nutropia, who customized meal plans for me based on my needs. They prepared and delivered 3 meals a day plus 2 snacks; consisting of between 1,200–1,400 calories and containing close to 100 grams of protein. In addition to protein, there were lots of greens, zero fruits, zero sugar, and only 2 servings of complex carbs per day. I’ve been able to maintain my “happy weight” (give or take) for years but, with Nutropia’s help, I dropped 6 pounds in 2 weeks.

Fitness photos generally require a tanned and oiled body so, the day before the shoot, I got the first spray tan of my life (Lori recommended Courtney Dorrien) so I wouldn’t look like a ghost. Now THAT was a trip. After getting sprayed, I couldn’t shower until the following morning, and then only just a rinse for the residue. With my just-refreshed platinum hair and newly super-dark skin, I looked exactly like Magda the tan lady from “There’s Something About Mary.” Kind of unnerving, I have to admit. Luckily, much of it rinsed out the following morning, leaving me with a more natural, healthy looking glow. 

I was advised to stop drinking water 24 hours before the shoot so my body would dehydrate and my muscles would hopefully become more visible.  Believe it or not, that was WAY harder than adjusting my diet. I normally drink a minimum of 64 ounces of water every day. I was allowed to have small sips but no more than 4 ounces worth, so I resorted to sucking on ice cubes. No lie, this was rough. 

By the morning of my shoot, I weighed 109 pounds (at 5’3”, I’m usually around 115-117), my skin was glowing, and I was ready. I was also a starving, thirsty, headachy mess but I wasn’t going to let THAT stop me!  

The shoot was scheduled for 2:00pm on Saturday, October 28 at Dany Holdstein’s Two Worlds, with photographer Luis Lozano, another Lori recommendation. I spent the morning puttering around my house in a haze, making sure I had all my clothes, makeup, shoes, etc. packed and ready to go. Now that the day was actually here, I couldn’t wait to get started. I arrived about an hour before to get ready. The gym area is empty there on Saturdays so we had the place to ourselves. I did my own hair and Lori did a stellar job with my makeup. I prepared 3 outfits and had a rough idea of the poses I wanted to do. Nathan showed up just as we were getting started and stayed for the first hour or so, giving me direction for the first part of the shoot, which was focused on poses that highlighted my legs. Lori was there for most of the afternoon, cheering me on. I could not be more grateful for the great suggestions and guidance I received from both of these incredible people.

For close to 5 hours, I had to contract my muscles for each shot, only able to breathe when Luis was adjusting the lighting and the scenes. I’ve done zillions of photo shoots but this was an entirely different experience. How to pose so each muscle group is highlighted? What should I do with my FACE? Smile? Serious? The Laura Kaye howl? (Yeah, that won out for the most part…)  

I know there are things I could have done better, poses I had wanted to do but forgot about in the whirlwind of the day, but this will only serve to push me harder as I strive for my next goal… whatever THAT may be… ;)

Always be on the lookout for game changers in your life. Seek out mentors, people who inspire you to cross the threshold of your comfort zone into a place of expansion and growth.

The people who appear on your path and change you so drastically are few and far between. They are treasures and the kind of value they hold in your life cannot be measured.

Once upon a time, a chain of gyms opened just for women and I joined a place called Living Well Lady, and I took an aerobic class with a guy named Rafael Robles, a bodybuilder/dancer who introduced me to weight/strength training, the art of body sculpting, and more. Rafael became my first trainer, motivator, and cheerleader as I started achieving results. I met Mark the following year and was in the best shape of my life, which I’m POSITIVE contributed to us getting together, and ultimately led us to the life we now have with our beautiful Elijah...

It’s amazing how some things in your life can become obvious axis points, catalysts for growth and change. If I had never joined that gym, if I had never met Rafael, if he had not been that catalyst for change, who knows?

I’m grateful for everything that sparks my passions and fuels my pursuit of them.

When it comes to my pursuit of fitness, I have to include Nathan Blake in that select group of game changers.

I discovered Nathan’s cardio dance classes about 6 years ago, after I was complaining to a trainer at my local gym about how I needed to do more cardio but hated treadmills and he suggested I take a class. I went through a few instructors until the day Nate did a master class at my gym and every nerve ending in my body and brain was magnetized and mesmerized.

I started out as a “back of the room” person and, as someone with balance issues, I never considered myself to be that coordinated. I spent what seemed like an eternity tripping over my feet in massive frustration as I tried desperately to get it right. Nathan took note of my efforts and always pushed me even harder, sometimes staying long after class was over to hammer some of the steps into my head (and feet). As I gradually started getting better and gaining more confidence, I inched my way up front. I took a Zumba certification course so I could learn even more, and I even sub-taught a class (using Nathan’s routines) at a gym in L.A. during one of my visits to Elijah.

I’m captivated by the beauty and grace inherent in all forms of dance, and I’ve always been fascinated by and jealous of dancers. Even though I’ve always been a good “mover” onstage and I’ve developed my own style over the years, I never thought of what I did as dancing.

Participating in these classes awoke that secret craving to be a dancer and I’ve become very passionate in my pursuit of this goal. As I slowly started getting better at not only following Nathan’s choreography but actually anticipating some of it to the point where I could relax into the moves with more ease, I discovered that dancing feeds my spirit almost as much as singing does, and to say I’m hooked is an understatement. I’ve dedicated a lot of effort towards doing my utmost best to master this particular art form and it brings me indescribable joy.

When I’m dancing and I’m in the zone, I feel like I’m weightless. I’m 100% present in the moment and there is no stress, no worry, no obstacle I can’t overcome.

I’m also lucky enough to train with Nathan when time permits. His workouts are consistently creative and challenging and always get me the results I’m after.

Thank you to all the game changers in every aspect of my life... the good AND the bad... because you are the bricks and mortar of my foundation...


I will never stop testing my limits or setting challenges for myself. I will never close myself off to new learning opportunities, or to things that make me grow.

People have been asking me why I did this. It’s simple really. I did it for ME. I did it so I could feel strong and healthy and powerful. I did it because there’s so little in life that we can actually control and I set a challenge for myself to see if I possessed the discipline to control THIS. Turns out that I do. I worked hard and I put in the extra effort. In fact, pushing myself past what I thought I was capable of has been an incredible feeling. At the risk of sounding narcissistic, I’m damn proud of myself.

I also did it because I CAN. I mean, who knows what the coming days, months, years will bring? I’m all too aware that I have lived more life than I have left, so I need to inhale the specialness of every new day. 

People have also been asking what my secret was. Guess what? NO SECRET! I was relentless in my pursuit of elevating my fitness regimen to see what I could achieve.

I truly believe we have a responsibility to do the best we can with what we have at our disposal. Perception and attitude is key. We were all created uniquely and nobody is perfect. In fact, it’s not about achieving perfection because you simply cannot. However, you can embrace and be empowered by your IMperfections. We are perfectly imperfect. So own the spotlight, own your beautiful flaws, and try to understand that THERE IS NO WRONG WAY TO BE YOU. I tell this to the choirs I work with all the time…

You are a constant work in progress and you are the sculptor, crafting the most beautiful self you possibly can, with the tools you pick up along the way.

Thank you for reading my ramblings and reflections on entering this next decade! As I pore through all the great comments and PM’s and tagged posts I’ve been getting since I initially shared this on Facebook and Instagram, I realize that my larger vision of motivating and inspiring (in whatever way has meaning for YOU) has taken root… I can’t BEGIN to tell you how amazing that feels. As they say, it ain’t over ‘til it’s over. While we’re here and breathing, we must LIVE…

(Photos by Luis Lozano; makeup by Lori Glatt; clothes by Body Engineers Celestial Bodiez, Jed North, Champion; shoes by Heyday Footwear; spray tan by Courtney Dorrien; training/coaching by Nathan Blake, cheerleading by Mark Wood, Elijah Wood, and many others..)