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The Drinking Game: Ocean’s 8

Published on June 19, 2018, by Ailish Elzy.

Or as others might call it, Gravity 2 because Sandra Bullock still doesn’t need George Clooney’s help. She can land a spaceship and steal over $100 million worth of jewels without his help thank you very much. The biggest thing I learned from this movie is that when Sandra Bullock says she’s gonna do something SHE’S GONNA FUCKING DO IT! Don’t sleep on Sandy! Also, don’t sleep on women because bitches really do get stuff done. This movie proves it.

It’s the story of a heist and bunch of smart ladies. There are no love interests, just a ton of amazing outfits and all of these actresses playing their peak character. They’re all a heightened version of what we know and love them as. Rihanna is a badass blunt smoking hacker, Anne Hathaway is a ditsy actress, Mindy is a celebrity-obsessed talented jeweler. It all works, the characters and the heist.  Honestly, if you had 5 years to plan a heist, wouldn’t you be able to plan it out perfectly?

Drink When

We meet a member of the crew Someone mentions Danny Ocean Anna Wintour shows up Daphne’s cleavage is a thing Celeb cameo 9 Ball smokes weed Someone is chewing gum Sarah Paulson is a mom

[djreeact]

Turn up shot from last week's Galentine's event. Go check the write up at @thenewgrlsclub

[thenewgrlsclub]

The Drinking Game: Upgrade

Published on June 29, 2018, by Ailish Elzy.

Do you ever imagine what would have happened to Ryan Atwood’s brother Trey in the OC if he wasn’t shot by Marissa?

Let’s pretend we’re in a not so distant future where he’s still the fast car loving, all old school, grease monkey, but he’s married (don’t worry if you forget, he’ll continuously remind you). He’s all analog and his wife is all digital. Opposites attract I guess? They live in a black mirror-esque future with self- driving cars, smart houses that put on your evening playlists as soon as you’re home and two huge tech companies competing to be the best. So maybe it’s not that hard to imagine. Anyway, Trey (whose name in the movie is GREY TRACE so nice try hiding the fact that he’s “not Ryan’s brother”) and his wife gets in a strange car crash, she’s murdered and he’s paralyzed. Later he’s given the opportunity to walk again IF he puts a computer chip in his body to controls his motor functions and read his mind. BUT he can’t tell anyway about it, BUT ALSO DON’T WORRY IT’S ALL FREE. So yeah, seems very chill. Just casually put Siri in your spine. The spine Siri called Stem helps Grey/Trey do everything from pour whiskey like a robot, remind him of everything he touched to wipe fingerprints from a crime scene and straight murder some fools. It’s honestly pretty awesome. This movie has Ex-Machina meets Hardcore Henry vibes and I am here for it honey!!! Go see it and play this drinking game!

Drink when:

When he says “my wife”

When he asserts that he hates computers or anything made past 1970

When you realize you’re not watching Tom Hardy

When Trey/Grey looks away from murdering someone

[thenewgrlsclub]

The Drinking Game: Uncle Drew

Published on July 9, 2018, by Ailish Elzy.

If you’ve ever seen a Gold Bond, The General or Icy hot commercial and thought, “wow Shaq is a great actor, I’d love to see him act more in heavy prosthetics” you are in luck.

If you’re looking for that light-hearted really silly summer comedy, don’t sleep on Uncle Drew. It seems dumb on the surface, but trust me when I say it’s the right kind of dumb. For a film that got its inspiration from a Pepsi commercial, it manages to include everything you want for a summer blockbuster: A dance-off, a car chase, and Tiffany Haddish.

Imagine if there was an alt universe of the Carmichael Show where Bobby Carmichael and Nekesha got back together, but in this version, Bobby didn’t have a loving and supportive family and was actually an orphan and used basketball as a way to cope with his feelings and find his place in the world. And just when his life goes to shit and Bobby Bottleservice steals his basketball team and what he thinks is his only shot at success, he meets Kyrie Irving and finds new meaning in life from these old ballers.

Drink when

There’s a celebrity cameo

Someone swishes

“She Ready!”

They mention another basketball player

Someone makes a short joke

It gets meta (Pass the ball Kobe, or I’ve seen Get Out”)

Montage Time!

Shaq does karate outside the dojo

[thenewgrlsclub]

The Drinking Game: Ibiza

Published on June 29, 2018, by Ailish Elzy.

With the success of Girls Trip and Rough Night and the need for more movies with a whole bunch of ladies, Netflix was like “I think I’m gonna try and bank on this trend”. But they’re Netflix so you really never know. I feel like they’re constantly playing darts blindfolded hoping they’ll hit that sweet, sweet bullseye like they did with Stranger Things or Master of None, but this is, unfortunately, more of a flop like Friends from College. It’s got a ton of people I love from other things, but it just didn’t blend right.

The plot of this movie is pretty straightforward, girlfriends go to Spain, one falls in love/lust with a DJ, they follow him to Ibiza do a lot of drugs and drinking and have to make it back to Barcelona in time for the business meeting they’re actually there for. If it sounds bad, it’s because it is. I really, really wanted to like this movie, but it was such a bad representation of party culture in Ibiza that even the island of Ibiza is trying to sue Netflix. The best part about this movie is Phoebe Robinson and literally everything she says. If anything, good comes out of this I really hope it’s 100 more roles for Phoebe. Honestly these girls are all talented and they should be given the chance to make a shit movie and then make a great one if dudes are allowed to do this constantly (*cough* Armie Hammer *cough*)

I don’t really recommend seeing this movie, but I will say that it makes for one HELL of a drinking game! You really don’t even need that many rules. I promise you, you will get shit faced so play with caution!!

Drink:

Anytime someone says Leo West

Anytime someone says Harper

Anytime they say where they are (This is New York, I can’t believe we’re in Spain, Welcome to Ibiza)

Every time a main character makes out with someone

Any slo-mo montage (twice if they’re drinking during it)

[thenewgrlsclub]

The Drinking Game: Tag

Published on June 29, 2018, by Ailish Elzy.

Tag is like Game Night meets Vacation, but with none of the character development. But for me, that’s perfect because it makes for the ideal drinking game since there isn’t that much to pay attention to. It’s a silly movie inspired by a true story about a bunch of dudes who play tag. That’s it. That’s all there is. There’s no hidden love story. There’s no coming of age. There are no characters that develop. It’s just a bunch of friends trying to tag their one friend who’s never been tagged. That being said, there are some hilarious Sherlock Holmes inspired sequences and a killer performance by Isla Fischer. I think ridiculous wedding scenario movies might be her calling. When they inevitably remake The Hangover with an all-female cast, she needs to be Ed Helms’s character.

Drink when…

There are Flashbacks Whenever someone gets tagged Slo motion There’s a nut tap There’s a butt punch Chili smokes weed “Why didn’t you say that in the first place?” Ben Franklin Is quoted The women are better at the game then the dudes

[thenewgrlsclub]

This is the last week of our Nationalism theme! s/o to @mos.steff for sharing this hella relevant meme this morning . If u have art, essays or even just thoughts on the subject don't hesitate to share! . We are accepting submissions now at thenewgrlsclub.co or thenewgrlsclub@gmail.com . Also accepting submissions and pitches for next month's theme: ESCAPISM ✨ (en California)

[thenewgrlsclub]

Happy Monday! Don't miss out on our latest blogs by @mos.steff, @roseariah and @chargarou! #linkinbio . AND if you have work you'd like published on The New Grls Club, or an idea for content we can produce together feel free to submit it on our website. . You can also email thenewgrlsclub@gmail.com . Hope everyone has an amazing week 😘 (en California)

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The Drinking Game: Ant Man and The Wasp

Published on July 9, 2018, by Ailish Elzy.

As of now, with a decade worth of the MCU, we’ve officially split these movies into two categories.

There are the light silly ones. Movies like Spider Man: Homecoming, Thor: Ragnarok or Guardians of the Galaxy. And there are the dark intense serious ones like The Avengers, Dr. Strange and Captain America Civil War (or honestly any Captain America). This is easily in the light silly category, but it’s toward the bottom. First of all, it should be called The Wasp Featuring Ant Man because she does way more than he does in this movie, but that’s beside the point. One refreshing thing about this movie is that the stakes are low AF. The world isn’t gonna end, the city isn’t gonna explode.

Ant Man and the Wasp is really just a film about people trying to have a normal family. Scotty is trying to do a good job as a dad and be a good influence on his daughter Peanut. Hope and Hank are trying to reach their long-lost mother and wife Michele Pfeiffer. Morpheus is trying to help save his surrogate daughter Ghost who is slowly dying of some quantum disease.

There was a review that basically said there are a lot of moments where side-characters steal the show and it’s true, but I really think Randall Park was overlooked in that review.  Randall is one of the funniest parts of this movie, second to Michael Peña, and I would love a hilariously mundane spin-off film of just him trying to do his job right, learn some magic, maybe make some new friends and deal with superheroes in a city where they don’t usually have superheroes

Lastly, as someone from the Bay Area, I hate when movies disrespect the logic of the location (I’m looking at you, San Andreas) But I will also say, most of these MCU movies happen in some version of New York so I’m glad they’re giving the west coast a chance to show they deserve to get their city destroyed, but because it’s Ant Man and he goes from small to large, the damage is pretty low which is nice.

Drink When

Grown-ups like magic

There’s a fish metaphor

Scott wakes up from being knocked out

There’s a flashback (Double when it’s Drunk History style)

Hank is the third wheel

[thenewgrlsclub]

The Drinking Game: Hotel Artemis

Published on June 29, 2018, by Ailish Elzy.

There was an old lady who ran a hotel She had such bad anxiety, but could save a cartel She fixed all their wounds and they followed her rules Until Honolulu brought in a pen full of jewels

Finally, from the guy who brought you Iron Man 3 and the upcoming Sherlock Holmes 3, a film that grabs all your favorite side characters from past and future Marvel properties and puts them in a hotel/hospital for criminals. The concept of the movie is very cool, but there are some elements of Clarice/The Nurse/ Jodie Foster’s backstory that really make the movie fall apart. I guess it’s that classic plot line of the highly intelligent capable person being easily persuaded to throw away everything they stand for because of emotions.

This movie has some badass fight scenes with your favorite one legged lady from The Kingsman and some classic lines from your favorite Guardian of the galaxy including “Do you see this badge, it means I’m a healthcare professional!” Charlie Day gets to act as an arms dealer which on paper seems cool, but it’s so hard to not think he’s just Charlie Kelly playing the wild card. And Zackary Quinto gets to play a bitch of a son to Jeff Goldblum which Quinto should play more of. There’s one solid father and son scene which if expanded, I would watch the prequel movie of. I think Paper Boi gets shortchanged, but that’s just the nature of the story they’re telling. In my opinion, Drax and Killmonger’s dad steals the show and it’s worth seeing because of them and who they could potentially be if they weren’t alien types but were still just as badass.

Drink when…

Someone mentions The Rules Anyone breaks The Rules Callback to any previous line They talk about the riots There’s a flashback Someone uses a future cellphone They drink

[thenewgrlsclub]

The Drinking Game: Set it Up

Published on June 29, 2018, by Ailish Elzy. 

I really miss this kind of romantic comedy. One that’s so unapologetically what it is. One of that kind that was so popular in the 90’s and early 00s that usually starred Sandra Bullock or Renee Zellweger. The kind where you knew exactly what was gonna happen beat by beat, but you’re still so invested anyway. As much as I love newness and variety in movies, sometimes it’s nice to take it back to a classic formula. I’m not saying it works or it doesn’t work, it’s still a rom-com so take it at face value. What I am saying is it’s a fun spin on something you probably already know and love. On paper it seems cool, two young white assistants get their overbearing bosses (who are successful people of color - shout out!) to start dating so their jobs will be easier. Of course, hilarity ensues, people make out, there’s drinking and hijinks and all the best parts of a romantic comedy. It’s a great flick to have a drink to!

Drink When

Taye Diggs and his hetero-normativity (ass man, bikini wax) Pete makes out with a dude They say some form of “Set It Up” Someone is drunk Charlie talks about being punched in the dick Suze is a shitty girlfriend Cyrano de Bergerac

[thenewgrlsclub]

The Drinking Game | Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

Published on June 22, 2018, by Ailish Elzy.

Ah Yes, the reboot sequel. A quintessentially perfect summer movie and what our cinema-going experience will be for the rest of our lives.

I just gotta say this up front, this is not a good movie in terms of story. Of all the Michael Crichton future theme park content you could be watching, you’re better off binging Westworld. The cinematography is cool, the dinos look p dope, the green screen acting is on point and there’s a great Spielbergian oner that takes place underwater. But story-wise major facepalm emoji. Almost nothing makes sense, it’s very predictable and everyone who’s been in a Jurassic Park movie before is doing a lot of the same (looking at you BD Wong). It really left me wondering, how many reasons and excuses can they create to bring people back to dino island? The answer is five as you’ll see in the post-credit scene where the movie will finally live up to its name and it’ll be a true Jurassic World.

If you wanted to see this for Jeff Goldblum please turn around and do not pass go. You’ve seen all two of his scenes in the trailers. Honestly, the three best parts of this movie are aggressively underused; Goldblum, the insane water dino and breakout star and best screamer, Franklin. He gets a lot of scenes and lines, but he’s also the voice of the audience asking the smart questions like “why am I here?” and “how is this better than a T. Rex?” Of all the gap tooth, bespectacled ethnics they added to this movie for diversity, he’s the best.

You don’t really need to see this movie. But if you do end up seeing it, do yourself a favor and play this drinking game.

Drink when...

A ladder doesn’t do it’s one job right Blatant product placement (Goodyear, Budweiser, Becks) Franklin talks about T. rex Lil granddaughter girl is creepin in the shadows Franklin screams You guys look, Bryce isn’t in heels this time! Pratt tries to tame Blue A Jeff Goldblum scene happens

[thenewgrlsclub]

The Drinking Game | Solo: A Star Wars Story

Published on June 7, 2018, by Ailish Elzy.

I hate spoiling big movies like this. Especially because people have really intense feelings about franchise films. Like really intense. Also, these are the movies you should go into knowing as little as possible so you’re surprised and delighted and your opinion wasn’t influenced by some reviewer’s.

But that’s just my opinion. If you want a review, you can go literally anywhere else. If you want a dope drinking game I got you!!

Drinking Game

Drink…

When something happens that makes you say “Oooooh that’s how they met” or “That’s how he got that” “or “That’s why that’s his name”

When Han tells people he’s a pilot

When you meet a new robot

When Lando mispronounces Han

When you hear a different language

[thenewgrlsclub]

The Drinking Game: Breaking In

Published on May 25, 2018, by Ailish Elzy.

Today I saw the soon to be cult-classic in the Mother’s Day film archive along with Kidnapped and Snatched: Breaking In. This low stakes Die Hard remake follows the life of ex-Clovers cheerleader Gabrielle Union after the tragic death of her estranged money embezzling father… I wanna say… Carl? She goes to his uber rural Wisconsin house for the weekend to do what rich people do and steal all your shit back before you sell it in what I think is called an estate sale. I dunno, we only had yard sales, but they don’t really have neighbors so I don’t know how that would work. I digress. The day goes awry when four dudes of different Dude-Stereotypes™: tough nerd, Mexican gangster, blonde slut, and older bossman, BREAK IN (!!) to steal Gabby’s dad’s cash money. However, they didn’t expect to find her and her kids there for the weekend. 

PLOT TWIST! 

Will they survive? Will Gabby protect her kids? Will we find out why her dad had so much cash on hand? The quick answers: mostly, of course, and not really. But don’t worry, she’ll survive because not because she’s an impressive woman, because she’s a goddamn Mom!

This movie has its pros and cons, but the best way to fully enjoy it is by playing this incredible drinking game while you watch it. Preferably in a theater full of black people on Tuesday afternoon like I did. Bring your own drinks and please do not drink responsibly because this movie is nonsensical.

Drink When:

Shoes or lack thereof (you’ll know what I mean)

Gabby is reminded she’s a woman

Someone is reminded what their role is (i.e. “I’m your mom” “I’m your older sister” “I’m their father” “He was my dad” “He’s our safe cracker”)

A woman is punched in the face

They remind the blond slut that he’s a slut

Misogyny or rapey stuff

Little boy is a smart ass or a bitch

The tech makes no sense

Someone acts nonsensically

Gabby is an accidental badass

You think someone dies and they don’t

Understanding complex tech super easily

Unnecessarily slo-mo happens