#then why does he get the support? why does he get go be told that no its fine your a child?

[corroded-hellfire]

Forever Young - Eddie Munson x Reader

An As You Wish story

Summary: It’s Eddie’s 40th birthday and when everything else is making him feel old, you aim to show him that he’s still young.

Note: in honor of our birthday boy

Warnings: smut, p in v, unprotected (wrap it up), oral, m! receiving, older!eddie, Eddie still has his breeding kink of course

Words: 2.7k

[As You Wish masterlist]

To say Eddie wasn’t excited about his 40th birthday would be an understatement. The closer it came to the day, the grumpier your husband became. He’d grumble under his breath, the words obviously not meant to be heard by you or the kids; but the sentiment was still conveyed.

Months before his birthday, Eddie made it clear to you that he did not want a party. Although he loved spending time with his friends and loved ones, he had decided that he only wanted to spend this particular day with his family. But just because he would be getting through the day unscathed by in-person jokes and ribbing from the likes of Steve Harrington and Dustin Henderson didn’t mean his own family wasn’t going to tease the patriarch.

“Happy birthday, Dad!” Luke holds a card out to his father. His grin isn’t necessarily mischievous, but it’s smart to always be on guard when it comes to the teenager.

“Thank you.” Eddie takes the indigo envelope from his son and slips the card out. Before his eyes can even take in the bold bubble letters on the front, a pamphlet slips out. Eddie catches it before it can fall to the floor and holds it up to take a proper look.

Hawkins Comfort: The Exceptional Home for Senior Living

The clenching of Eddie’s jaw causes Luke to snicker. Your husband tosses the pamphlet at your son’s face before reading the card itself. Luckily for Luke, the card itself was sweet and didn’t add further insult to injury.

With a heavy sigh, Eddie nods his head and closes the card.

“Thanks,” he reiterates.

“Aw come on, Dad,” Luke says, stepping forward and patting his father on the back. “I’m just messing with you.”

Freshly dressed for the evening out, Eliza zooms into the room, the three-year-old already tickled pink at the thought of having some cake after dinner. She runs into her dad’s legs and wraps her little arms around them.

“Happy birthday!” It’s the fourth time she’s told him this today and he knows it won’t be the last.

“Thank you, baby girl.”

“See?” Luke says, nudging his dad. “You have a baby. You’re not old.”

Eliza’s face goes from gleeful to rueful.

“‘M not a baby!”

“Excuse me, miss.” Luke bows to her before snatching the toddler up into his arms. “I meant to say that Daddy has a young lady for a daughter.”

Placated by that explanation, Eliza nods her head once. “Better.”

As you walk into the living room, a minute later than Eliza due to her rapid speed, Luke gestures to you with one hand while the other one supports his little sister.

“And look! You have a wife who is in her twenties.”

Eddie’s tongue pokes out of the side of his lips, internally trying to decide if that fact makes him feel better or worse. He does have a young, hot wife. But does that make him feel young as well or does he just feel each and every day of those eleven years between the two of you?

“See! Mama is young!” Eliza says.

“Are they ganging up on you, honey?” You playfully pout as you approach your husband’s side.

“Luke’s ready to check me into a nursing home,” he gripes.

“Why you need a nurse?” Eliza asks.

“He doesn’t,” you say before Luke gets a chance to be a wiseass. “Daddy takes care of himself and all of us. Right, Lize?”

“Yeah!”

“Are we ready to go?” Ryan asks, waltzing into the room as he pats his flat stomach. “I’m starving.”

“Didn’t you have a bowl of cereal an hour ago?” you ask.

“Yeah,” Ryan replies. “An hour ago.”

Eddie sighs, remembering the days when he too was a teenager and could inhale food all day and keep that small waist of his. As if able to read his mind, you slip your arm around your husband’s middle and give it a small squeeze.

“Alright gang,” Eddie says, “let’s head out.”

After you all return home, Eliza isn’t nearly as excited about cake as she was before. Her head rests on your shoulder, soft whines coming out of her mouth as you carry her into the house.

“We told you not to eat too much ice cream,” you say.

“Daddy said I could,” she groans.

The restaurant gave Eddie a free ice cream sundae for his birthday and he invited all of you to share it with him. The boys, of course, had room even after finishing off their dinner plates completely. But Eliza’s tiny tummy was already decently full of her noodles before she picked up a giant spoon and started scooping the vanilla dessert into her mouth.

“But you had too much.” You press a kiss to her curls before setting her down on the couch.

Eddie hangs his keys on the hook by the door before coming over and wrapping his arms around you.

“Thank you for a nice dinner, princess.”

You smile up at him and press a kiss to the underside of his jaw.

“I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

“Daddy?” Eliza asks.

“What’s up?”

She pushes herself to sit up straighter and tucks her legs beneath her.

“How old you now?”

He gives her a small smile as he drapes his arm across your shoulders.

“40.”

“Whoa.” Eliza’s eyes widen comically. It’s hard for you to keep your laugh in. “That’s big number. I don’t think we got enough candles for the cake me and Ryan made.”

This time you have to turn your head to the side and hide your smile in Eddie’s armpit.

Thankfully, Ryan is able to assure Eliza that they don’t need to put the whole 40 candles on the cake. With a gaggle of offbeat singing surrounding him, Eddie smiles and closes his eyes to think of a wish. Apparently, he takes too long for his daughter’s liking. She sighs, naturally dramatic as always, and everyone else laughs.

Eddie is able to blow out all the candles in one go and you cut the cake, giving pieces to your two sons who are eyeing the confection with glee. You’re unable to keep from snorting in amusement at their never-ending hunger and you take a seat next to Eddie to eat your own piece. Deciding to power through it, Eliza manages to eat half off a slice before she lays across her dad’s lap, hands holding her once again full belly.

The perk to her being so full is that it’s easier to wrangle her into her pajamas and under her covers. With one last wish of a happy birthday to Eddie, he presses a kiss to her forehead and her eyes begin to flutter closed.

The boys aren’t far behind. Whether or not they’re going to sleep, you’re not sure. But as long as they’re in their rooms you’re happy. Because you have one last surprise for Eddie today.

You come up behind him as he unbuckles his belt and yanks it out of the denim loops on his black jeans. His shirt raises up slightly and you take advantage, slipping your hands beneath the fabric, letting your nails gently scratch over his pale skin. Eddie starts to unzip his pants and you press trailing kisses across his shoulder blade.

“Baby?” Eddie steps forward out of your grasp and turns around to face you. “I’m pretty tired.”

A frown creases your brow. Eddie has every right in the world to be too exhausted to fool around and just want to climb into bed, but you’re not buying that’s really the case right now.

“Okay,” you say softly, stepping forward and gently cupping his face in your hands. “We can just lay down and cuddle if you want. But something tells me you’ve got something on your mind.”

There’s silence for a moment. Then, Eddie sighs and steps backward out of your hands, and takes a seat on the foot of your bed. You move to stand in front of him and gently card your fingers through his bangs resting against his forehead. He rests one hand on your hip and appears deep in thought for a few minutes.

“I just…” he finally says. “I just feel like the older I get the more pronounced our age difference is.”

Your eyebrows shoot up, not expecting that to be what’s on his mind.

“Hey.” Gently, you take his chin between your thumb and forefinger and lift his head so he’s looking you in the eye. “So what?”

Eddie’s brow furrows and he looks at you, skepticism dancing across his face.

“What do you mean ‘so what?’”

“That exactly. So what if you look like you’re forty and I look like I’m twenty-eight? Those are our ages. Just like you looked thirty-two when we got together and I looked twenty. And how in thirty years you’ll look seventy and I’ll look fifty-eight. What does it matter? Do you really think I give a shit what anyone else thinks? The only two people in this marriage are you and me, buddy.” You grab his shoulder and gently shake him back and forth. “I knew how many years apart we were when we got together. When I married you. When I had a baby with you. You think I would’ve stuck around all this time if I had doubts about our age difference? No way, baby. You’re stuck with me. Even when I get gray hair and all.”

A finger absentmindedly brushes against Eddie’s temple as you speak. Your husband stiffens, connecting the dots between your words and where you touched him.

“I have gray hair?” He jumps up and scurries to the full-length mirror in the corner of your room.

“What?” A heavy sigh deflates your body as you realize the conclusion he jumped to. “No, Eddie. You don’t have any gray hair.” His inspection in the mirror bothers you, so you walk forward and manage to squeeze between him and the mirror. “But even if you did, you’d still be the sexiest man I’ve ever met.”

Eddie sighs and rests his forehead against yours.

“I don’t feel forty,” he whispers to you. “I feel like a kid still.”

“Well, you are a big kid,” you tease, managing to pull a small smile out of him. Relieved to see him feeling a bit lighter, you reach up and wrap your arms around his neck. “And besides, I think I’m the last person in the world you have to convince that you’re still young.”

“And why’s that?” he asks.

Giving him a suggestive smirk, you lean in until your lips ghost against his.

“Because,” you whisper, “of how nice and good you fuck me.”

A low groan reverberates from your husband’s chest and he pulls you flush up against his body.

“Yeah?” His voice is dripping in lust. “You like how I make you feel, princess? How hard I pound that tight little pussy of yours?”

“Uh huh,” you whimper before pressing your lips against his.

Eddie’s fingers dig into your hips as you walk him backward towards the bed. When the back of his knees hit the mattress, all it takes is a small push from you to have him falling onto his back. His eyes are dark with need as he watches you tug his open jeans down his legs. The two of you work together as he yanks his shirt off over his head and you tear his boxers off.

As you fall to your knees between Eddie’s thighs, he sits up enough to pull your top off as well. Once you’re free of the offending fabric, you take Eddie’s cock in your hand. You move it up and down slowly, feeling him harden in your grip.

“Fuck,” Eddie growls.

On a swipe down you lean in and press a kiss to the tip. The resulting moan from your husband sends a pleasant shiver down your spine. You pump his cock a few more times before you can’t hold off any longer and have to take him into your mouth.

“Yes,” Eddie hisses.

You run your tongue along the underside of his length, making sure to keep eye contact with him the entire time. The way he watches you with lust-blown eyes and his chest rises and falls in rapid succession with his shallow breaths has you squeezing your thighs together.

You start to bob your head up and down, taking him a little deeper each time. He becomes impossibly harder in your mouth. A large hand gently cups the side of your head and pulls you off of him. The way you whine in protest makes Eddie chuckle darkly.

“Sorry, baby,” he says. “Feels too damn good, though. Need you up here.”

He helps you to your feet and shed the rest of your clothes. Eddie shuffles back towards the pillows, eyes taking in your every movement as you crawl up towards him. When he moves to sit up, you put your hand on his shoulder and push him back down.

“You just lay there,” you coo, lifting one leg to straddle across his thighs. “Rest those old bones and let me take care of you.”

Eddie narrows his eyes, playfully glaring at you and the shit-eating grin on your face.

“Fine,” he challenges. Eddie raises his arms and laces his fingers together behind his head. “Get going.”

He doesn’t need to tell you twice. You line him up with your entrance and slowly lower yourself onto him. The two of you moan in tandem, the feeling of being united insanely pleasurable.

Once you’re fully seated on him, you start to rock your hips back and forth. Eddie squeezes his eyes shut and bites at his bottom lip. His fingers dig at the back of his head, digging into his scalp to keep from caving and grabbing ahold of your body.

Sensing his resolve breaking, you rest your hands on his chest and lean in to speak softly.

“What do you think, Eddie?” you croon. “Want to get me nice and knocked up on your birthday?”

“Shit.”

Your words snap the last bit of restraint he was holding onto and his hands fly to your hips, helping your body move against his.

“Come on, handsome,” you continue through labored breaths, “fill me up with your cum.”

“Jesus Christ.” Eddie huffs a laugh and tilts his head up, staring up at the ceiling. “I’m fucking forty now, I should be able to last longer than this.”

“You forget I know how to push your buttons.”

“Mm?” Eddie looks back down at you, raising an eyebrow as you bounce on his cock. “You mean like this?”

A ringed hand slides between your body and rubs quick circles over your clit.

“Fuck!” You bite down on your lip, attempting to keep your voice low.

“Let’s go, princess. Want you to come with me.”

Unable to respond in any articulate way, you nod your head and hum incoherently. With one hard flick against your clit, the coil in you snaps. Your head falls forward, your jaw hanging open as your high washes over you. The way you clench around Eddie has him following right behind you, the two of you rutting against one another as you ride out your orgasms.

“Holy shit,” Eddie groans as both of your bodies begin to come down.

Suddenly boneless, you flop down against Eddie’s chest and he instinctively wraps an arm around you. He presses a kiss to the top of your head and lets his heavy eyes close.

“I love you so fucking much,” you mumble against his chest, slightly sticky with sweat.

Eddie breathes a chuckle and rubs his hand up and down your back.

“How are you so perfect?” he asks.

Now it’s your turn to laugh.

“I’m going to remind you that you said that next time you get all grumpy over me making fun of your age.”

Before you have time to process his movements, Eddie grips your waist and flips the two of you, smirking down at you as he settles his weight against your body.

“I’ll just have to keep proving how well I can fuck you then,” he says.

You raise your eyebrows at him.

“Is that supposed to discourage me?”

[love-byers]

i fear no byler quote will make me more unhinged than:

"You guys think he's okay?"

"He's always weird when he has to go in."

"I don't know. He's quiet today."

"He's always quiet."

"..."

LIKE HOLY FUCK

the amount of depth this scene adds to mike and will's relationship despite only being a few seconds long is INSANE. my film student oomf @reo-bylerwagon has told me that it's a real strategy to find the exact right wording that adds this depth. there's only so many lines and so many scenes, so every last bit has to count towards something.

there is so much here

1. mike being closest to the camera while the others hang back

2. mike's expression being more concerned than the others

3. "you guys think he's okay?"

dustin is worried about his friend, but he's unsure. he seeks out lucas and mike's opinions.

4. "he's always weird when he has to go in."

lucas has noticed that will is noticeably different on days he has to go to the lab. but he reassures dustin. this is expected. will is always a bit off on days he knows he has to go in, because he hates it.

5. "i don't know. he's quiet today."

mike isn't so sure. will isn't acting the way he always does on the lab days. there's something else. he's noticeably quieter. mike suspects that this isn't just because of the lab, that maybe will isn't okay.

6. "he's always quiet."

lucas knew will was acting weird, but he didnt notice any difference in how quiet he was being. will is always quiet. that's just who he is. that's not a factor in his weird behavior, at least to lucas.

will is always quiet. every day. he is a quiet person.

there are several layers here that make it difficult to notice these shifts in will's behavior. he is a naturally quiet person. there is a known explanation for why he acts weird on certain days. and this is one of those days. no one else thought will was outside of his norm.

but still, somehow, mike knew that wasn't it. he noticed that will was acting different even on the day where he ALWAYS acts different. he noticed that will was being slightly quieter than usual even though he is ALWAYS quiet every single day. he knew this was new behavior. he knew there was something else going on.

but he doesn't voice this, he just watches will silently from behind the fence, clearly deep in thought. he's worried.

i'm sorry but why shove it down our throats that mike is more attentive to will than his other friends and clearly cares for him more and wants to protect him just for it to all mean absolutely nothing in the end? he is even more attentive to will than he is to el.

like how are they going to explain mike's behavior? cause like they still have to do that

"will is just his best friend" there's a whole scene in s1 where mike says they're ALL his best friends

"he's known will the longest" he also says he doesn't treat his friends any differently because of how long he's known them

literally what else is there?? is will just his extra special platonic bro soulmate???

ok so will was misled by mike's attentive caring and supportive behavior that was exclusive to him and developed romantic feelings. and mike is like that...just cause. this whole plot was just a tool to help will realize his sexuality and he'll get over mike and mlvn will be endgame.

a few problems with that...

WILL HAS BEEN BULLIED AND ABUSED AND CALLED GAY/GAY SLURS HIS WHOLE LIFE. unfortunately, and fellow queer people will understand, it's easier to come to terms with what you are when it's been spouted in your face your whole life. if wills love for mike was just to help the audience understand that he's gay, what was the point of all the homophobic abuse and hate crimes and all that? just cause? alright. noah has said will realized his feelings for mike "later on" but quickly cut himself off. will realized his FEELINGS, not his sexuality. will wasn't crying in the van because he doesn't want to be gay, or because he's coming to terms with the fact that he's gay. he was crying because he is deeply in love with someone who he thinks will never love him back. this isn't about self acceptance. will has accepted himself. he's accepted what he is. he's accepted his feelings for mike. that's not the problem. that's not why he's hurting. he's hurting because she's he's heartbroken.

like i'm sorry but it's ridiculous to pretend like you don't see how anything besides byler endgame makes 0 sense. bc it really doesn't and you don't even have to be a writer to see it

[cillianmurphysdimples]

A female Y/N / Cillian fanfic (Part Twenty Five)

Absolutely not based on anything real at all, all totally fictional, fanciful and all total bollocks.

Warnings for sexual references and language. Adult themes. Not suitable for under 18s.

We Got Issues

Part Twenty Five: Y/N has been in the UK with Cillian for a few days as he continues the final leg of filming. She's supportive, but her symptoms persist and she's keen to find out why. When Cillian gives her an inch of an attitude, she offers him twice the impact back - and shakes him entirely. [Adult themes]

@meadowshelby @strangeions @lavender-haze-01 @watermeezer @cherry-cilly @dragonsneversharetheirtreasure @aesthetic0cherryblossom @meister95 @vivianleighwishesshewasme

--------

Four days into your ’tour’ with Cillian in the UK, and you're miserable. Nausea and fatigue follow you daily, and when you do find respite from the constant feeling you might throw up, it is only because you do, in fact, throw up. You don't know what it is that Cillian has said to Steven and Tom Harper, but being invited to actually stay around the set on the first day in Wales feels like you've been allowed to step through the looking glass. While Cillian is almost constantly busy, alongside Packy, you do love that you've been allowed to park up a chair, with a heater, and can watch him from afar whilst listening to Tom and Steven - who flits in and out - as they film. The cool air is soothing enough that your nausea is kept at a minimum, but you've reached your limit in just accepting it. Having to be quiet but needing to occupy yourself, you tap into Google with a laundry list of complaints.

Nausea, vomiting, fatigue, light period, frequent peeing, migraines.

Your heart quickens when you're immediately greeted with multiple options all giving the same answer. Pregnancy. You smirk, then shake your head, then laugh quietly to yourself and swipe the page away. No way. Not a chance. No. Not even possible! Not a single condom has split, and you've not been without one for weeks and weeks. It's impossible - and your previous test had been very clearly negative. You tell yourself to stop stressing the impossible, but it stays firmly there in your mind. Surely it's just women's issues, you consider; fibroids, or PCOS, or perimenopausal symptoms, maybe. You know that can go on for years. But it sits there - in your head and as a pit in your stomach - and you try to work mentally forwards from the occasions around your birthday to figure if there has even been a single slip up in your safety. You hold your phone tightly between both hands and focus ahead, able to see Cillian in his full Tommy get-up, and wonder when they're going to call lunch. Then it dawns on your like a sickening wave - after the Dublin premiere, he'd finished on you and you hadn't exactly moved quickly to clean up. Okay, so he hadn't ejaculated into you, but you aren't so stupid that you don't know how sperm works. Fuck. …could it be? Could you be?!

Right at that moment, a break is called, and you rise from your seat as Cillian, looking very cold, begins walking towards you with Packy a couple of steps behind. You swallow it all down and smile as he grins at you, and you open your arms out as he approaches. When he openly hugs you tightly and gives you a soft kiss, you're actually surprised. He's Tommy right now, but he sees you and that makes you feel important. “Your face is freezing!” You laugh awkwardly as he pushes his cheek against yours whilst hugging you tightly again. “Stand here - Tom gave me a heater.” You pull him back towards the camp chair you'd been perched on. He does as he's told, not that you've stopped dragging him to allow him to protest, and he smiles as the low blower warms his ankles and calves.

“Will we get some lunch?” He says, nodding off into the distance. You can hear a slight edge go his accent, where Tommy still remains, and you both love it and loathe it entirely. You smile past Cillian as Packy comes up beside him and delights in the warmth of the heater.

“Hiya,” you welcome him. “Come on, it's a tad warmer here!” You laugh as he shakes off his cold body before the blower.

“Jeez, it's fucking Baltic.” Packy shakes his head. “Are y'alright, Y/N? Listening in there to Tom, are ya?” He laughs.

You smirk, “I wish! I don't understand half of what he's saying.”

“C'mon,” Cillian jerks his head, “Tea and food,” he insists with a spark of a mood on his face, and you feel bad when you realise he'd asked you a question just as Packy came over, and you'd unintentionally left him ignored.

“Sorry, love,” you apologise quickly, and place your hand onto his chest, over the thick material of his coat. “Yeah, okay.” You smile as you nod, “Coming?” You check with Packy.

“Ah, g'on ahead, I'll see you in a minute.” He says, before walking away from you both and over towards Tom.

“I'm sorry, Cill,” you apologise again, “I didn't mean to not answer. I didn't want to ignore Packy either.” He sort of rolls his eyes, raising his eyebrows at the same time, and he places his arm around your back as you both begin to walk. You're not sure if he's just full of Tommy, or if you've really dented him with your accidental ignorance. Whatever it is, you definitely don't feel like mentioning what Google seems to think is going on with you, nor that it might well be right thanks to his own actions that fatefully tipsy evening - he definitely wouldn't find it amusing right now. But your anxiety can't stick the not knowing with his mood, and your nerves are already shot. You bite, unfortunately. “Cill, don't be arsey with me, please.” You say as he sort of pushes you towards the catering truck.

“I'm not arsey,” he draws back his head and pulls a face at your comment, before glancing around as you both cross a paved section of pathway. “I'm just…it's work, Y/N, alright. I'm just focusing on work. Don't be taking things to fucking heart.” He's snappy and it makes your stomach sink a little, he sounds bothered by your presence even with his arm around you - even though he'd come over to you happily, smiling, and hugged and kissed you openly. He was pissed that you'd ignored him, but you can't work out if it's Cillian that's pissed at you - or fucking Tommy.

“Is there any need to be so sharp?” You challenge, and shrug yourself out of his arm. You come to a stop a couple of feet before the catering truck and the growling sigh he emits behind you makes you feel more annoyed by his reaction. You're edgy already and he's just making it worse. You're aware you're probably feeding this yourself, but it won't go away.

“Is there any fucking need for attitude?” He matches your piqued anger. “I'm fucking working,” he tries to whisper through gritted teeth. “I asked you a question and you didn't answer me, you apologised because it wasn't intentional. So what the fuck is all this about?” He holds his arms out at his sides. Tommy's twang is gone from his voice and replaced, instead, by a slowly thickening Cork accent. “Sure you're the one dragging this into something.”

“Because you're being an arsey prick, Cillian!” You raise your voice higher. It doesn't occur to you that everyone in the truck, through the open door, can hear every word and shift in your tones to one another. All you're focused on is how he's made you feel even worse. Somewhere in your mind you know you're probably making things worse for both of you, but your lid is off and it's not going back on.

“I'm working, Y/N!” He raises his voice so high you actually startle - you're not afraid of him, but you're surprised he's doing this so openly. “And if ye are going to make this fucking difficult, then you're as well going back to the fucking hotel!”

You fold your arms across your chest and stare back at him with your face set in a deep frown. “I apologised, Cillian. I didn't mean to not answer you. You're rolling your eyes and pulling faces like I didn't apologise or like I did it on purpose. I'm fucking sorry, okay? But you're the one being unreasonable here. Okay, I could have just shut up but why? Because Cillian almighty doesn't want me to speak?”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” He snaps loudly again, his accent thick and words singing. “This is my job, Y/N. I'm busy, I've to focus, be fucking professional… I have to focus. I'm sorry if that isn't something you can fucking deal with.” He kicks his foot into the gravel beneath his feet. “Fuck sake, what are we fucking doing this for? It's ridiculous.”

You drop your arms back down at your sides and push your hands into the pockets of your coat. “I'll go,” you say in a falsely calm voice. “Being here was a stupid idea.” You sniff. “And just so you know, I'm going to go and buy a pregnancy test.” you add, loudly. You turn your back and inside you're dying that then words have left your lips at all. Fuck! Fuck! He's going to be fucking fuming. Why did you do it? He's working, you stupid woman!

“Hey! Oi, Y/N what the fuck. Stop, for fucks sake..” You hear his feet on the gravel behind you, quick to catch your storming steps, and his hand grabs your elbow and whips you around to him. “What the fuck?” He doesn't remove his hand, but with his other hand he drags his cap from his head. “This isn't the fucking place,” he hisses.

“Get off,” you warn him.

He glances around quickly, aware you're not alone at all, and raises both eyebrows as he looks back at you. He sounds softer, calmer, maybe even worried when he speaks again. “Y/N…you don't…? How?” he sighs and shakes his head. “Are you being serious?”

You bite your bottom lip momentarily then nod your head as you let it go. “The feeling sick, I'm exhausted, I'm peeing every ten minutes…” you shrug.

“But…” he shakes his head again. He looks terrified.

“If I am,” you say and take a sharp breath, “I think it was after the Small Things premiere, when we got back home.” You shrug your shoulders. “You were three sheets to the wind, and you eat me out. Then you decorated my outers…” you say crudely. “If I am pregnant, then your little swimmers…swam. We didn't exactly rush to ensure they couldn't.”

You watch it dawn on him, slowly but surely, and his face goes pale while he shakes his head slowly. “Fuck!” He whispers. He lets go of your arms and paces on the spot for a moment. “Fuck.” He turns back to you.

“I'm sorry…” you mumble, like it's all your fault, like you did this alone.

“Stay.” He says quietly, and moves to stand directly before you. He cups his right hand against your cheek. “Stay here; we'll get a test on the way home later and…” he sighs. “Whatever happens, remember? I mean …fuck, but-but… Jesus Christ. Y/N, you're not doing it alone.”

You frown slightly, “It's just peeing on a stick, Cill.”

“I don't care.” He shakes his head. He moves his thumb across your cheek. “I'm sorry.” he sighs heavily again. “You really think…?”

Feeling a sudden wave of shock, your eyes begin to feel warm as tears swell. “Yeah, I do.” Your chin quivers. “I'm sorry, I know we…”

He shushes you softly, and his thumb pad swipes the tears that drift down towards his hand on your chin. “No, no,” he whispers. He removes his hand from your face but pulls you close to hold you against him. His arms wrap tightly around you and you burrow into the prop coat. “Don't say sorry.” He continues to whisper. He shushes softly again, his right hand moves up and down your back lovingly.

“Everyone must have heard,” you sniffle against him. You don't know what he thinks of that - you can't see his face - but he continues to whisper his gentle shushing sounds into your ear. There's a relief of some kind that is starting to come over you, but it doesn't outweigh the ever-present anxiety that grows bigger for what comes next. “I'm sorry, I don't know why I kept pecking at you,” you say and lift your head. He slowly loosens his arms and then stands before you, with his right hand resting on your bicep. “I know it matters to you, being a certain person on your jobs, I'm sorry if I've made you look bad.”

He shakes his head, “It's okay. It's fine.”

“None of this is fine, is it?” You scoff. “You don't want this.” you gesture towards your abdomen.

“Y/N, stop.” He cuts you off. “How many times do I have to say it? Whatever happens.”

“Yeah, love, I know. But you didn't mean a baby. I know you didn't. You know you didn't.” You shake your head.

“Stop,” he says firmly. “Please.” He looks like he might cry for a moment. “Y/N, we'll deal with what comes. Okay? I told you before, it isn't that I don't want a baby - it's that I don't want things becoming something else. But if that test is positive then… then we're having a fucking baby.”

“You look petrified.” You say, shaking your head.

“I fucking am!” He smirks, “Jesus Christ, I am fucking scared. But I told you I'd never see you go through what you went through before. Yeah, I'm scared of all the stuff that can change too. I'm so fucking scared.” He moves his hand from your arm to your waist, and slowly moves around to your stomach. “But if there's a wee you and me in there…” he blows a deep breath from puffed cheeks noisily. He shakes his head and you know he doesn't know what he's thinking, or feeling. “Please stay,” he says, dropping his hand. “Come with me now, we'll get a cup of tea and we'll probably have to bow our heads in shame for giving out in front of everyone.” He holds out his hand to you, waiting for you to hold tight and walk with him. You reach out and lace your fingers in his, and walk with him slowly. You know there's so much more to say, but he has to work. He has to focus, he has to do his job. Right now, sadly, you know that you're second in line. It won't be like that soon, but right now it is.

[bestworstcase]

Tbh I can only imagine the rage Salem might feel on Oz's behalf once she finds out Light manipulated and trapped him into the task Light gave him, and that he has no choice in coming back (assuming she doesn't know that it isn't his choice). I think finding out he's essentially been trapped in a prison (the prison being the fucked up cycle of life/death/rebirth and the Mandate) this entire time would give her extra incentive to, presumably (if that's her goal), overthrow the tyrants that are the gods.

And honestly I think that would really show Oz that yes, Salem does still love him and care about him (quietly slides over Would You Fall In Love With Me Again from EPIC the Musical). Ugh I just want them to make uppp they mean everything to me. I need that reconciliation arc sm. And sighs. Salem saving Ozma from his metaphorical tower like how Ozma saved Salem from hers :( i want them to at least be friends again. There's sm they have to talk about and make up for

in all honesty i think her immediate reaction is more likely to be anguished guilt than fury, because the god of light deftlymanipulated her into acting as the lock on ozma's cage. it's been evident since 6.3 that salem already feels an immense burden of self-blame and guilt and in v8 we see, with cinder, salem turn on a dime while articulating a very precise and accurate understanding of why cinder acted as she did in response to the way salem treated her.

(and i do also think ozma's view that salem is at least partially responsible for what the brothers did to her and to the world may be, ultimately, because she told the story that way: if salem really did hesitate to tell him parts of it at first because she feared ozma would reject her, then it follows she felt ashamed and guilty, and feeling that way would undoubtedly color her account.) 

and in 6.4, the one time in the present we've ever seen salem truly lose her temper, what happens? she sends everyone else out of the room and self-harms. the windows shatter inward—the scene cuts away before we see salem get ripped apart by broken glass, but that is what she's doing. that unbearable uncontrollable rage is for herself. 

so how will she feel when she learns that all this time she spent believing that ozma  cynically took advantage of her trust and love to manipulate her into serving her tormentor, that he willingly bent the knee to tyrannical monsters and never wavered from his obedience—how will she feel when she finds out that actually, all that time, ozma was being tortured and forcibly twisted into an unwilling pawn by a curse he was tricked into accepting?

like. 

look at what she did to herself when she realized her decision to abandon cinder meant leaving cinder to infiltrate atlas and recover the lamp from oz all by herself, with no support, mere weeks after cinder nearly died at haven. and that was harm of a much smaller scale, spanning just a couple weeks. salem fled into exile after that horrible fight and left ozma to suffer alone in a state of inescapable torment for thousands of years. 

i think she's going to be devastated and furious with herself first, and she'll have to navigate that before she can reach being enraged at the god of light for ozma's sake. but yeah once she's had that time to process her hatred of the brothers and conviction that they must be cast down will only deepen. 

for ozma it's far more important that he sees the anguish and grief and guilt clearly. he already knows her rage. he knows she hates the brothers and why. salem is a deeply emotional character but her affect is blunted and notably in the narration of the lost fable, spite and anger at the gods are the only emotions jinn ever describes salem feeling—everything else we see salem feeling in that episode is framed as a manipulative lie, because ozma is terrified that her spiteful anger at the gods might have been the only thing that was real. 

and again i think this is a misconception rooted in the way salem presented herself because in both the kitchen scene and even more so in their last conversation, salem keeps what she wants and what shefeels very tightly locked down. from the instant ozma suggested that he wanted more than their cozy little life in her cabin, salem was one hundred percent focused on giving him what he said he wanted. literally, "whatever we want—what you want!"

salem fearing ozma would reject her didn't begin and end with just flinching before she plucked up the courage to tell him of her rebellion. it also encompassed what she wanted, if he wanted something else, and anything she felt that she feared might upset him. even when he told her the whole truth, she crushed down her own feelings and quoted from a myth—spoke in his language—and tried to reach out to somehow find a compromise because even then she was putting him and what he wanted so far above herself that she couldn't even bring herself to admit that she felt hurt. 

fundamentally what ozma needs is to see her pain, her grief, without any restraint—not just for her sake but also for his own. anger is what he expects. it's the only thing he expects. and i think a lot of the resentment he feels toward salem in the present comes from a place of believing on some level that he's just her excuse for being angry at the gods because he feels so much doubt that she truly loved him. 

which is where the maiden-in-tower allusion becomes salient; when the prince is blinded his sight is healed by her tears. ozma won't be able to see her clearly until he sees her sorrow.

[laurents-laces]

Only 20 days left until TGR! Here's all my rambling that I couldn't fit on a bingo:

Jean just found out about Elodie's death, Jeremy lost his relationship with his sister, and Lucas is about to lose his brother. I think sibling relationships are gonna be really important in this book. I also hope we get to meet Cat's sister Vivi when she drops off the motorcycle for Jean

So excited for exy with the Trojans! I hope they actually take some of Jean's advice because he's really good at seeing people's strengths and weaknesses. And I hope they interact with other teams more than the Foxes do. It would help Jean see that the Trojans are actually pretty normal and the Ravens are the weird ones. He still thinks it's the other way around

Jean thinks of Kevin as Riko's Queen or the Court's Queen a few times in TSC. Does he see that title as a symbol of independence like Kevin does, or does he see it as Kevin still having a place in Riko's perfect court?

I'm obsessed with the way Jeremy narrates events without telling us a single one of his emotions. Does he miss having his little sister in the audience when he plays a big game? Did he have feelings for any of those boys who were "exactly the kind of guy [he] was prone to trip himself up over"? Why hasn't he dated anyone before? He loves USC because it feels private and safe, so does he not feel that way at home?

I need to know what Jeremy's family did to him. He calls his mother the devil and dislikes his last name and gets angry just at the mention of his step grandfather. It's such an extreme reaction from a guy who barely says anything negative about anyone

I feel like Jeremy's family issues are gonna be too weird for anyone to predict. But I think his part of the story is going to be less about redeeming himself from past mistakes and more about letting his friends support him instead of acting like he's fine all the time

I think Jean might really struggle with holding back when they play against more violent teams. Would suck if it costs him a spot on the starting lineup, but maybe it would be good for him to see that there aren't any consequences for failing to be the best

I think Neil and Andrew might be too busy with Aaron's trial to go with Kevin to California but Jean thinks of them too often for them to not be relevant at some point, whether now or in book 3

I think Jean saying he learned the hard way not to look at another man too long has something to do with Kevin and the incident his freshman year. It's really weird that Riko only told Kevin half of the truth of what happened

"You cannot save me from what came before, and you help neither of us by trying to dig up those graves. Leave Evermore to me and Dobson... Help me survive what comes next.” I hope his friends listen to him about this. And I hope he starts actually talking to Betsy. He seems like he wants to, he's just worried it won't actually help

The way Jean describes the people he loves is so intense. We got some really lovely thoughts about Kevin and Renee from him in TSC, and I can't wait to see how he'll be when he gets to know Jeremy better. I don't think they'll be able to beat "you are a pipe dream" but I'd be thrilled to be proven wrong

[incandescentflower]

On ep 5 of Dark Blue Kiss and what is striking me most at this point is how their life circumstances are almost completely opposite.

Pete is financially sound, Kao has to worry about money. Pete gets support from his father both with money and with that open support for his relationship. Kao feels the need to support his mom finanically and doesn't feel free to tell her about his relationship with Pete. Kao feels like he has to constantly work to get where he wants to be, Pete has people constantly offering him opportunities.

I find that really interesting.

Pete's reactions test me, but I do appreciate that people around him are calling him on it - Sandee and most of all Kao, that he does tell Pete that he doesn't give him chances to explain and just reacts and Pete does say he'll try even if he seems to think he won't be able to do it.

These two characters talk. They know each other and their tendencies, none of their challenges are surprises, and there is communication happening, but obviously not about everything.

I just wish that Pete could understand why Kao thinks he has no alternative here. He seems pretty disconnected from that even though he is being told directly.

But Kao also doesn't recognize that Pete's insecurity does seem to stem from not being able to be clear about their relationship to others and that hiding things from Pete is going to be a much larger betrayal than simply having the argument about it in the moment.

It's very interesting to see all this conflict happening and they are openly communicating, but it's about their needs being in direct conflict and how difficult that is to manage in a relationship.

[tacagen]

one of the things that fascinate me about thawne: yes, he CAN be normal with kids! surprisingly normal!

((not at all times, though. his mental illness still spills through and as usual he, in trying to manipulate or hurt others, spits out at them the exact stuff that would hurt him (or have in his childhood/barry's rejection interpretation) the most in the first place lmao))

but at the same time. his like second instinct when doing his bullshit is FUCK THEM (as) KIDS

(and, well. whatever this classifies as)

[sieglinde-freud]

you know ive never had robin s support a spotpass character. maybe i’ll marry gangrel

[lupins-hehim-pussy]

I think I accidentally made Wriothesley AuDHD. fuck

[nerdyfangirlingbooks]

I've had a stupid merlin au idea stuck in my head for days now and I know I'll never get around to writing it the way I want it written but I kinda wanna try anyway even though I am 100% of the target audience

[missrosegold]

Looks like I just lost another close friend to guy who isn't worth a pile of dog shit. 😊

[madd-nix]

This Pride month, I've been feeling more Wrath than anything else. Let's all shut the queerphobes up and drown them in our anger - show them what a bunch of queers can do! 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

[autumnrory]

one thing about me is even if i hated the book i just read i will still be defending the main character while all the goodreads reviewers go on about how whiny and selfish she is

[hey-op-just-kill-me]

…

[dimiclaudeblaigan]

bruh he rly can't be stopped

ike was in second place at 95 wins, let that sink in for a minute

[xiaojaan]

.