#then we sat in front of the church and talked a bit. it was quite nice [:

[outlying-hyppocrate]

MY SCHOOL SCHEDULE ABSOLUTELY FUCKS????????

[soxcietyy]

Temptation

Chapter 2 -> Chapter 3

Your dad is tired of you bringing home these unworthy men. None of them being fit to take care of you or to be given the family business since you are the only daughter. He decides to find you someone fit to be your husband and receive help from the father of the church. That’s when you meet Yuta, though just because he goes to church doesn’t mean he’s much of a saint

Mafia, murder, violence, mentions of religion, (will contain other things in the next chapters)

The date went rather well… yes he was acting weird time by time. For example he would look at you then towards the direction of the exit and finally to his right where a group of men sat. His eyes always seemed to be darting in thoes specific spots. He was very vague with the answers to your questions and would switch the topic to back to you immediately. You could feel the floor move as he bounced his leg up and down. Was your dad really going to let you marry this man? Not that you hated him but this was rather a great surprise to you.

"Don’t you think I should be getting to know you a bit more?" You clasp your hands together under the table. "Tell me about your family!" You say.

He looked up at you surprised as he took a sip from his drink. "They’re well, alive and well." Yuta pokes at his steak, clearly not being hungry. He had taken you to this big fancy restaurant and ordered himself the most expensive steak just so he could look at it.

"What is your field of work?" You ask as you sunk your fork into a grilled piece of fish.

Taking a sip of his wine again he chokes at the sudden question. He clears his throat and answers the question after a few minutes of contemplating. "I am a business partner."

"Oh really? What is your business about?" You perk up. Obviously you knew about the business world a bit and that topic intrigued you. Your father has taught you the little bit of things that you knew.

"I don’t think you would be quite interested in it. I don’t sell jewelry or dresses. It’s just trade, nothing your small head should worry about." He pats his front pocket and pulls out a buisness card. "I’m under the Gojo franchise."

The small card was being handed to you and you accepted it. It had the company’s name written on it in a cursive font with big dark blue letters.

"What are you trying to say? That I’m not knowledgeable enough to understand any of this? Do you know who I am? I’m the daughter of one of the best wine distributors. You’re literally drinking our company brand as we speak!" You furrow your brows.

He quirks his brow and lifts the glass up to take a good look at it. Inspecting it as if he actually knew how to evaluate such thing. You watch as he took a sip from the glass and tasted the drink. Dragging his eyes back to yours he simplify shrugged and put the glass to the side

Your father has taught you about being a lady and to never let anger get the best of you. But he just spouted the most ridiculous thing ever. Did he really think he was going to win you this way? Unbelievable man, this was the last time he was ever going to see you.

"That was really good actually, the best iv ever had." Yuta smiled at you. "Right, I’m sorry for saying that. I’m just not used to being around many women. I was secluded when I was younger and was always around buisness men. I really had no time to just be a kid. The second I was able to read and write I was forced to learn everything I know now." He looks down.

Was that even justifiable?! But at the same time your heart ached as he talked about his childhood. This poor man was forced to grow up too fast and never had the chance to be a boy. You reached out for his hand that rested on the table. He looked up at you with a small smile.

"Thank you for opening up to me, I know it was probably hard to tell me."

"Yea it’s kind of embarrassing for me to admit that I have no experience. I told father everything and he promised to find me a woman suitable for me. Someone kind, understanding, forgiving and stunning." He pressed your palm onto his cheek as he looked at you.

Your heart melted as you stared at his dark blue eyes. His soft warm soft cheeks made you want to pinch them.

"Yuta, goodness what am I going to do with you. Such a handsome man with a heart of gold. I want you to know that you can always rely on me." You say forgetting everything that happened a while ago.

"Wait does that mean you’ll give me a chance?" He looks at you surprised.

You nod at him with a blush on your face.

" I’m going to treat you so well you have no idea." He pulls your hand towards his lips and plants a kiss on it.

His eyes looking past you as his lips stayed on your skin. Until he looked to the side and let’s go. Intertwining your hands together he couldn’t help but wear a big smile on his face. You’ve never felt this way before but you felt excited. This was something new for you and him. It was going to be a such an experience.

He ended up taking you home but before he left he wanted to have another talk with your father. Probably saying that you both had agreed on dating. If things work out you guys should be getting married in a few years. You watched as the both of them enter your dads office and when the door closed your mom grabbed your hand and dragged you to the kitchen.

You looked at her shocked as she grabbed your face and searched you up and down. She ignored your questions as she investigated to her heart’s content. When she decided you were in the clear she let out a sigh. She looked like she had been stressed all day.

"You arnt hurt are you?" She said worried

"No mom, Im perfectly fine. You don’t look okay though." You say looking at her red puffy eyes and smudged makeup.

"I told your father to find you a good man y/n! A good man but he’s so stupid." She held your arms tight. "Don’t worry I’ll get you of of this."

Your mom was usually a vey calm and collected person. She was the standard in your big family and everyone wanted to be rich and elegant as her. Seeing her act like this frightened you. If anyone saw her acting like this they would think that she was out of her mind.

"Mama you don’t have to worry about me. Yuta is such a kind gentleman. He’s not going to harm me nor is he going to kill me. I don’t think he would hurt a fly actually. You can relax and be sure that everything will be fine." You hug her tight. "You can even supervise all my dates if you want. You already know it’s going to take a few years before I actually go home with him or get married. Papa isn’t that easy to sway." You kiss her forehead.

"Your father…I don’t know what’s gotten into him. I don’t know why he would agree to let him take you on a date with a boy related to the Gojo’s."

There it was again, that last name that keeps popping up. You might have to start investigating that family to find out what this whole thing is about.

"Y/n be careful with that boy and if your scared that sometimes is going to happen just comply and find a way to escape him. That family, they’re not to be messed with. You can seriously get hu-"

"We’re leaving." You hear a voice from the kitchen entrance.

The both of you jump, startled by the voice that spoke behind you.

Leaving? You mouth confused.

Yuta grabs you by the arm and leads you to the front door. You try to stop in protest but he kept pushing you fowards as you walked.

"What do you mean she’s leaving?! F/n what the hell are you thinking?!" Your mother shouts.

Before you could heard the answer to that the door behind you was shut. All you could heard was faint yelling, crying and the loud crickets that created there sweet sounds of the night. Everything was happening so quick that it didn’t give you time to think and process.

You were in the car by the time you even had a question about this whole situation. You couldn’t even recall when he put the seatbelt on you or when started driving. This all felt like a dream.

"Who are you?" You ask.

Yuta turns to look at you, his glossy eyes shining with the moonlight. "What do you mean by that?"

"You arnt an average person are you? You’re different." You stare at him as he faces the road once again.

He didn’t answer for a long time. It almost felt like forever. You were starting to think you wernt going to get an answer.

"Yuta okkotsu, Ceo of the trading branch that belongs to the Gojo franchise. Born and raised in upper NewYork."

You frown seeing that he told you what you already knew. Then something else caught your eye. On the front pouch of his dress shirt was a pen that seemed to be pushed down. Meaning he had used it not too long ago because that wasn’t there when you met him. That means he had signed something recently. If your dad had sent you off with him and he has a pen on him that could only mean…

"Did you just buy me?" You ask.

His eyes drag back onto you. His once soft puppy eyes turned into sharp tiger eyes. "No, are you okay sweetheart? You’re asking me such odd questions tonight. I think you need rest." He says.

"No." You protest. "Why did my dad agree to let you go on a date with me? Why did he not Interagate you more? Why was he so aggressive with you in the beginning and now he’s not? Why is he always smiling when he sees you? Why am I in the car with you right now? Why am I going home with you? We’re not even married for me to be sleeping with you." When you finished you felt your body being launched forward by force.

Yuta had stomped on the breaks causing that to happen. You held your chest with you hand trying to calm down your racing heart.

"Do you always ask this many questions?"

The ride to his place was silent. Not a sound came out of the both of you. You looked out the window at the different houses and stores that you passed by.

They all looked unfamiliar because you’ve never been in this part of town. The buildings were big and the houses had such big plots of land. They where huge mansions that sat on the hills and smaller ones that where ground level.

The car came to a slow stop making you look in front of you. When you did you could see a man opening the gates letting the car go in, it was dark but that didn’t prevent you from seeing this huge white mansion that stood in front of you. It had balcony and vines hanging from the side. A handful of cars were parked on the far left side of the house under a tree. Did he own that many cars? What kind of person needed this many?

He helped you out and held your hand the entire time. Unlocking the door he took you straight upstairs quietly. Almost as if he was sneaking you inside his parents house. Looking at him from behind you started to realize thing, you could see how his dress shirt hugged his back. How his pants fit a little bit too perfectly on him. The smell of his cologne being leather scented. The jewelry he wore on his hands. A scar that wrapped around his wrist that looked like it was made not too long ago.

You stumbled on a step making him stop to make sure you were okay. He had been walking a little bit too fast making it difficult for you to keep up with. He then decided to walk a bit slower giving you more of a chance to look around. The house was huge from the looks of it. The walls where a creamy white and the floors where a dark brown wooden color. The house seemed to be very clean, everything looked perfect actually. Not a spec of dust in sight making it odd. Your mother was a clean freak but not even she could get it this clean. The walls were littered with crosses and pictures of saints. Unfortunately this place look like it had not been touched by a women. It was missing the home like feeling.

He ended up sitting you down in a chair that he had in what you assumed was his bedroom. It was twice the size of yours and it had a balcony. He had big dressers, a big bed, a sofa and a chair with a table. It seemed a bit too big for someone like him. Then again maybe that’s why you were here. His tall body moved around the room as he put things from his pocket on a dresser. He threw his coat that he had been carrying on a chair. Then turned back to you.

"I’m going to go downstairs to do something. You can stay here and do whatever females do on their free time." Yuta said as he walked to the mirror and fixed his shirt. "Your to absolutely not go downstairs okay?" He says making eye contact with you through the mirror. "No matter what you here you ignore it." You could see his intense gaze looking at you showing you how serious he was being.

You nod at him.

"Splendid, You’re not hungry are you? I think I might have something downstairs, if not I can get you anything you want." He approaches you and presses a kiss on your lips as if this was the norm. You look at him with a look he could not possibly look away from. "Your really something huh? How about when I get back we can have some fun." He leans till the both of your noses are touching. Forehead pressed against each others forehead’s. You reach for your neck and touch the cross necklace that rested there. He takes a step back and looks at you amusingly.

"Right, of course."

Walking out he closes the door behind him leaving you alone in this cold room. Your hand ran through the cold bedding sending chills through your body. The things you mom had said played over and over in your head. Maybe now was the time to find out who he was. Standing up you walk to the coat he had threw to the side.

Picking it up you slipped your hand in each pocket taking anything out. You pulled out some money, recipes, cigarettes, and a folded paper. Slowly you unfolded it afraid that he could possibly be right outside the door. The white crinkled paper contained random numbers and your name on it.

You take a seat in the hard floor and shove it in your dress. You would probably find use for it later on. Suddney something shiny caught your eye, looking down at it you spick it up. It seems to be a pin with a design in the front of it. The more you looked at it the more it reminded you of the one your dad wore. It was a cuff link, these were used a show off wealth and status. Usually the things on them had meaning. This design was one you remember seeing somewhere. Holding it up for the light you look at it more trying to catch every detail you could. Then you remember that you saw it in the card he had given you. Quickly you looked for the card you had stuffed somewhere.

Unfortunately you weren’t careful enough with it and it ended up slipping out of your fingers. You gasped as it hit the floor making a loud echo. That’s when it started to roll away from you. Quickly you ran to grab it but missed the first time. It was rolling faster and faster gaining speed. You struggled to grab it and by the time it stared to loose momentum it had went under the double doors. You bite your lip debating on whether you should go out but you would be in big trouble if he found out you grabbed it. Cuff links can range from cheap to very expensive and that’s one looked like it was worth a heavy penny.

Opening the door you look around the floor to find the dam thing heading down the stairs. Everytime the cuff link made impact on a step, a loud clink could be heard. You wince at each sound it made. Taking your heels off to make less noise you chase after it. Finally reaching the bottom of the stairs you snag it before it could run any further. You take a deep breath relieved that you finally had it back. 

"Well I haven’t seen one of you since the last one." A man said. Turning around you see a tall man with a long beard looking at you. Somehow the hair didn’t transfer to his shiny bald head. You weren’t sure who this man was so you tried making conversation really short with him so you could get back but maybe this could work out for you.

"Oh, your telling me he’s had other girls?"

"Obviously he has, you must be an idiot to believe that man hasn’t had a woman. I wouldn’t be surprised if he had a child somewhere." He laughs.

Well now you knew that whole sob story was a lie.

"Right because he’s a very important guy right?"

"I think you’re underestimating him, he’s literally the reason the Gojo franchise is still running with no competition. Then again he literally m-" before he could finish his sentence a long shot rang out. You quickly duck from the sound taking cover from the shot. Who in the world could be carrying in such a nice neighborhood?! Usually you heard these type of things on the other side of town. It took you a minute before you looked back up but when you did Yuta stood infront of you.

"Didn’t I tell you to wait upstairs." Yuta squats down to get eye level with you.

Behind him you could see a crowed of men walking out a room. He must of just gotten out of a meeting but why was it at his house? He quickly snagged your attention by grabbing your face.

"You’re not answering." He says.

There was no point in lying to him. Slowly you open your hand and show him the cuff link. He looked at you surprised and took it from you.

"Where you trying to give this to me? Because you knew I had a meeting?" He says as his ears began to turn pink.

You had no idea how he came up with that conclusion but you didn’t deny it.

"Well that was really kind of you and uh darling, where are you heels?" Yuta looks down at your feet that touched the floor. You laugh awkwardly not knowing how to explain yourself. It didn’t matter much since he picked you right off your feet and carried you upstairs. Looking over his shoulder you look down to see if the man you had spoken too was still there. Instead you saw a group of people carrying something out the door.

"Y/n, let’s get some rest. You have a long day tomorrow."

[angelsanarchy]

Alkaline: Euronymous x Y/N Series CH 30

Tagging: @ophelialaufey @madamemaximoff06 @forever-not-gonna-sink@ajmiila02@liquidsmoothdomme@shady-the-simp @auggiethecreator @tempt-ress @blacksoul-27 @shroomje

Oystein got home and could tell something with Y/n was off. He had heard bits and pieces from Hellhammer but Y/n was adamant that she didn't want him to do anything about it. He knew Y/n wasn't afraid of him but he knew Varg was a violent person with a short temper. The last thing he wanted was for her to set him off by showing no fear. He thrived on shit like that.

He had called Varg and asked him to meet with him to discuss the album and when he caught sight of him, he tossed the copy of Kerrang on the table in front of him.

"You know this is bullshit right?" Varg sat down clearly pissed.

"What are you talking about? You're on the fucking cover? What else could you ask for?" Oystein asked confused.

"Your name is all over the thing. You didn't want any of this going to the press, I took it there and it's just another thing you get to take credit for like you're the brains of this whole thing." Varg's disdain for Oystein had grown so much in such a short time, he knew that whatever he said would only make things more hostile.

"Look, I didn't ask you here to argue about pointless things. I wanted to-"

"I'm going to release my own music on my own label." Varg cut him off.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Oystein asked.

"It means I don't need you anymore. You'll have to find some other idiot to steal from." Varg pressed. Oystein shook his head at him.

"I haven't stolen anything from you Varg." Varg started ranting about the money that was used to make Mayhem's album and Oystein pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. He knew the money panned out in the end with having Varg join the band but it was pointless to try and sort things out at this point.

"You know what? I think that's a great idea. I think you should release your music on your own label, you want to quit Mayhem, that's fine. We can finish the album on our own and even kick you out some of the profit from what you've already put into." Oystein folded his hands in front of him and Varg shook his head.

"You're such a sellout." Varg chuckled.

"What else do you want from me man? You're getting everything you want-"

"I want for people to know that you are a poser. I want people to know that the so called creator of pure Norwegian Black Metal betrayed it with his bullshit lies and deceit." Varg's words were harsh but Oystein knew he didn't care what Varg thought of him.

"I want your whole world to burn to the ground and people to see you for who you truly are. A weak, pathetic hack who profited off the death of his friend and is run around by the cock on a leash by some Itzig." Varg spoke with such disgust about him but it wasn't until he mentioned Pelle and Y/n that he felt himself grinding his teeth and clenching his fists.

"I know what you said to her and that's the end of it. You want to come after me, tell people I'm some piece of shit poser, go ahead. But you approach Y/n again, you so much as breathe on her and I'll kill you myself." Oystein spoke softly so the people around them couldn't hear but Varg laughed.

"Just because you boasted like you puppeteered your little buddy Pelle into blowing his brains out, doesn't mean you've got even an ounce of killer in you, Oystein." He mocked. It was becoming increasingly hard to maintain his emotions.

"You want to see the killer in me, keep it up. There's only one thing in this world that I would kill for and that's Y/n. I will do whatever it takes to protect her, even if that means sitting in a cell next to you for arson. You can believe that above everything that's ever come out of my mouth." He held Varg's gaze and he knew that Oystein was serious. He didn't fear him but he knew that he had the capability to end his career before it even started if he ended up in prison for the church fires.

"Well I hope you're also willing to die for her as much as you say you would kill for her." Varg pushed away from the table and left the magazine and the necklace he had given him when he first joined the band sitting on the table. Oystein watched him leave with his hood up, making sure no one saw his face and he sighed. He felt a little bit of the weight lift off of his shoulders. He felt like he had just broken up with someone but that someone hated his guts and wished nothing but the worst for him.

Oystein pulled his wallet out and looked at the picture he had put in there of himself, Pelle and Y/n the first night he wore the corpse paint. He felt a pang in his heart for those times. Everything seemed so much easier then. He wished he could go back and change things. He felt himself getting emotional and jumped up from the table, grabbing the magazine and necklace and trashing them on his way out of the restaurant.

[secretsandwriting]

Mate [Aether]

Ghouls biology is different from humans in many ways. One of those many ways is they need a mate and if they don't find one in a certain timeframe, instincts take over and they get one. It would however be nice if said mate got a little more warning.

Where the ghouls haven't gotten a mate in time so instincts take over and the first person they see becomes their mate.

[Dew] [Mountain] [Rain] [Swiss] [Poly]

            “Does anyone know what the meeting is about?” The sister next to you asked. Silence filled your little group. “So we’re headed to a very important meeting with everyone in the ministry and none of us know what we’re walking into? Lovely.”

            “Well, hopefully we’re not being sanctified or something.” The sister leading the group snorted. “What? We are in a satanic church.” The atmosphere lightened up and you joked around with the sisters.

Once in the meeting room, you noticed all the Higher ups in front talking amongst each other, the ghouls were towards the side, and the rest of the siblings of sin were in the seats along the floor. You made your way to some empty chairs and sat down next to one of the older sisters you had seen in the library multiple times. She offered you a smile before making sure there was enough room for you to sit comfortably. 

            You hadn’t been seated for a minute when you felt like someone was watching you, which would make sense if someone was, everyone was gathered in one area. But it was persistent and it made the hairs on the back of your neck stand up which was unusual.

            Sister Imperator had just gotten to the podium to speak when one of the ghouls stood up. She sighed and watched with the rest of the ministry as he walked through the isles, the sisters gawked at him as he walked past them. You had glanced at him as he walked through the crowds a little bit but it was only when he got closer you realized he was the one staring at you. 

            He stopped in front of you making it so you moved further back in his seat to make room for him to stand there. The chairs were still close enough together that your knees were pushing into his legs. He stood there just staring at you for a moment, the room dead silent.

            “Aether, please hurry. We’re holding the sisters from their duties.” Sister Imperator broke the silence and pushed Aether into motion. Within seconds you found yourself in the air, your only support being his arm under your legs and around your waist as well as his chest against your side. In a moment of panic you wrapped your arms around his neck and quite literally clung to the ghoul. Terrified of being dropped onto the hard stone floor. 

You were carried to where the ghouls as well as a few sisters sat where Aether sat down and adjusted you in his lap so you were somewhat comfortable. The sister sitting in the lap of the ghoul next to you offered an encouraging smile.

            “Let’s begin. Now I’m sure you’re all confused as to why some of the ghouls have been grabbing some of the sisters. It’s simple. Ghouls need mates, and if they don’t find one in time they’re instincts take over and they choose the first person they see.” 

            “There are still three of the ghouls who haven’t gone through this yet so in case that happens to you we’re going to go over the basics so you have an idea of what to do. If they try to take you somewhere, go with them, they won’t let anything harm you so don’t worry.” 

            “Talk with your dorm head and start moving out. They’ll need you close so you’ll be moving to their room, tell the head sister you won’t be under her care anymore. The ghouls need you close therefore you’ll be trained in something for the Ghost Project so you’ll be needed on tour.” 

            “And for the love of all things unholy if you see a sister who has a ghoul trailing close behind them, tread carefully. You will not be spared any mercy if they think you’re going to harm their mate and I’m sure none of the others want to clean up what's left of you from the stone.” 

            “That is all, you may go back to your chores and arrange for the changes.” She glanced at you for the last part. Aether who had been chill, just holding you with his chin on your shoulder growled in her direction. The sisters around you slipped off their ghouls laps and loosely surrounded you, you could feel Aether stiffen and tighten his grip a fraction.

            “If you want, we would be more than happy to give you a little more detailed explanations and help with the transition.” Who knew one sentence could bring so much relief with it.

            The rest of the day was a complete whirlwind of a day, finding and informing all your superiors, packing, meeting with Sister Imperator and Papa IV or as he insisted Copia, and unpacking. On top of all of it, you had a ghoul who made the most dejected sounds you had ever heard anytime he wasn’t touching you. 

            So when you were finally able to go to bed, you let Aether put you wherever he wanted as long as you were comfortable. Which led to you laying on top of him with your head tucked into his neck and the softest blanket you had ever felt thrown over you. The purring was relaxing and lulled you right to sleep.

            The next week didn’t slow down. You had to adjust to Aether constantly with you, start learning art and graphic design, make sure you made it to practice so Aether would go, adjust to a completely new schedule, and have tea with the sisters.

            Tea was the only time you didn’t have Aether clinging to you. In the Ghoul’s wing there was a room set aside only for mates, it was essentially a no ghoul zone. Designed for when you might need a break. Tea was also when you were able to get more tips or talk with people who understood what was going on so you never missed tea. 

            Once you settled in and Aether was able to leave you for longer and could stand people being around you, you were given an office and a team to lead. Sister Imperator had even called you into her office to tell you what a good job she thought you were doing. Aether wouldn’t let you go there without him though.

            You were informed Aether was one of the touchier ghouls and you agreed, despite the fact he was at the point where instincts were only really higher than normal when it to people being around you, he still held your hand, gave you hugs, pulled you onto his lap, and wrapped his tail around any part of your body he could whenever possible. 

            Aether was notoriously good at sneaking up on you just to leave a kiss on whatever skin was available at the moment, you figured out his favorite time was when it was around the sisters not used to ghouls so he could hear their shrieks when he just suddenly appeared as well as making the point you were his mate.

            Two months later you left to join the ghouls on tour. It was the first tour any of the mates had been on so none of you had any idea of what was happening. Four days before the first show Copia pulled all of you to the side and revealed some masks and costumes made for all of you. They were rather simple but would hide your identity.

            “Just because the rituals are longer and there's lots of stress, I had these made. If you hear me calling you, please come out and help.” After that the costumes were tailored to you and the ghouls tried to convince all of you to just stay on stage with them the whole time.

            The first five rituals went ok, the sixth one the ghouls were clearly getting antsy, the audience could see how they kept glancing to the side. Copia could see that they were actually looking for all of you. One of the sisters had made the comment that one of the people from the venue made them nervous, that something about them set off red flags. After that, they kept looking to make sure you were ok. The people were left in the dark with the ghouls just thinking it was people in a mask pretending to be some sort of demon, and how Copia went about this would be important. 

            “I’m sure you’ve all noticed the ghouls are acting a little strange, yes?” The audience's agreement was deafening. “So I’m going to have their mates come out.” It was terrifying walking out in front of so many people, so you focused on Aether. 

            He moved his guitar so he could wrap his arms around you. Aether just stood there, breathing your scent in and soaking up your presence.

            “As you can see, they’re all adorable together.” Copia’s voice rang out, breaking you out of your thoughts. Aether let out a whine when you pulled away, trying to chase you to pull you into another hug but you stepped back and cupped the sides of his mask.

            “Aether, I’m ok. If someone tries to bother me I’ll come get you. Ok? But until then, I need you to play like normal.” You pressed a gentle kiss to his lips before stepping back. “Make sure you play well for me.” The rest of the show went by faster, the ghouls were fired up more than normal and everyone could see it. Clips from when you were talking to the ghouls went viral and all of you ended up named. 

            The ghouls were pleased when the crowd started demanding to see you come out because then they could show you off. You had caught Aether scrolling through your ship name on social media and had heard the others doing the same. So when the people started asking to get your signatures on albums too, it left the clergy racing to make custom stamps for you. 

            When your first signing came, Aether refused to let you sit in a chair. Every time you tried he would switch to that chair and settle you in his lap, so you finally just gave up and let him hold you throughout the entire thing.

            That night exhaustion hit you like a truck, Curled up on top of Aether you whispered “love you” before passing out. Aether couldn’t sleep for a few hours after that, too caught up on the two words he had been waiting to hear for months.

Check out my ao3!

[crystalgastles]

After the flesh

This is the fourth chapter of my Jeff the killer fanfiction it’s posted on ao3 as well

I had opened the sliding glass door when I saw him running up through my back yard, calling my name loud enough to where I could hear it through the glass. Disheveled hair and shifty eyes that looked red were locked onto mine. When I grabbed his forearms and tried to see if he was injured.

“Woah okay”

I stumbled back a little when he fell onto his knees head buried into my ribs while his hand’s reached around my back, clinging onto my bones in an iron grip. I tried to figure out if he’d gotten a head injury while his shoulders shook, bated shaky breaths warming my clothing and I tried to make out what he was saying.

“Hear me know I exist why aren’t you listening, I have sinned but so has everyone else I need to know you’re there”

I couldn’t figure out if he was talking to me but when I tried to pull away he held on tighter, keeping me stuck in between my kitchen and doorway.

I felt bad, I didn’t know what he’d done or seen to react this way but I didn’t know him, truly. I had just finished putting our Christmas tree up when I heard him calling for me from outside. My cd player was still going quietly when I answered the door to this crying mess of a man.

“Jeff, hey can you come inside and tell me what happened it’s cold out there”

He let go. Not saying anything as he stood up and looked away from me, At the outside and came into the kitchen. The lights from the tree seemed to make him wince.

I struggled with the door and finally got it shut after some push and pull. Staring at the slush that coated the ground of my back patio while the tears that stained my shirt started to become cold. He was looking at me, and I wondered what he had to say next. What brought on this confession to me as if I were a priest.

“What happened?”

“I’m sorry.”

“No. What happened quit dodging my questions with half assed answers”

“I burnt down a manger”

“Why did you burn down a manger”

“Cause I felt like it. Is that a good enough answer for you, mom”

He said that last part with a sharp incline, this is fucking bullshit. I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t ask for his presence and I didn’t ask to be treated like a nuisance in my own home with someone I barely knew.

“No. No! You don’t get to talk to me like that while you’re standing in my kitchen. I let you in. Tell me what happened or you can get out.”

“I already told you.”

“Ok then leave”

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me”

“Obviously, I don’t know anything about you. I’ve seen you twice”

“I don’t like Christmas”

“A lot of people don’t, they don’t kill people though. Or burn down Christmas decorations”

He sighed, rubbing his hands on the sides of his temples while I crossed my arms. Waiting for a more appropriate explanation to this sudden outburst, and why he came to me.

“Do you have alcohol”

“I have half a four loko in the fridge”

I sat on my couch while he stood in the kitchen, grimacing when he downed a week old party drink only teenagers and broke college students enjoyed. I rested my chin on my open palm to keep my eye on him from the living room.

“My daddy was a preacher. I was the oldest son of two boys and I was expected to also follow in line of the rest of the men in my family of becoming one too”

“Yeah?”

“1988, I was seven years old. I had night terrors and I’d sleep walk. Parents thought I was possessed , had me exercised three times until I just didn’t sleepwalk anymore. We weren’t even catholic.”

I didn’t say anything when he moved into the living room in front of me. Sitting on the ground cross legged he rubbed circles on his knees with his palms.

“When I was 14 I refused to get baptized. The last time they made me go to church I broke everything of value in the living room.”

He laughed quietly to himself before he continued. I bit the inside of my cheek, playing with a loose thread on the couch as I listened.

“You uncomfortable?”

“No, it’s ok really I asked you to tell me why”

“Ok. I refused to get baptized so four grown men, men I grew up with held me down and threw me into the baptism pool.”

I bit the side of my thumb. I couldn’t tell if he was telling the truth or if this was a sob story to get me to trust him. But the way he fidgeted with his hands told me this was something he was recalling.

“One of them was my best friends dad. She was gone then. He’d sent her to some sort of camp for troubled teens. He found out that she had a girlfriend, and that I was also hiding that fact from him.”

“Yeah?“ I didn’t know what to say because ‘I’m sorry’ didn’t seem to be enough or the right words For what he was telling me.

“I moved out at 17, lived on my own for a few months until ,parents reported me missing. I came back a few months before my eighteenth”

I watched him down the rest of the alcohol, his eyes trained on my Christmas tree to think of what to say next. I stared at my feet, his hands, my hands

“My birthday is on Christmas. The day I turned 18 I was forced to go to a service, got into a fight with my dad after dinner. And I killed them. My mother first. With A gun I got from a friend, tried and failed to kill my brother next I stabbed him once and couldn’t finish the job. My father was last. And the longest. I couldn’t recreate all of pain and suffering he inflicted onto me for my entire childhood but, I sure did make him feel afraid.”

“I” I still didn’t know what to say. The words wouldn’t spill from my lips as I tried to wrap my head around what I had been told, my own family issues seemed so minuscule in this moment that I contemplated calling my mom. Tell her I love her.

“My friend, Jane. I trusted her with anything I had. She was smart and put together, stubborn and almost always right, I was angry and a mess. I burned her house to the ground. I ran into that fire to find her but stayed because it had turned into hell. And that’s where I belonged. She wasn’t even in there. She snuck out to her girlfriends. I only came out when I heard her screaming. I haven’t seen her since”

“You have a thing with fire”

“Yeah”

I didn’t say anything else. I didn’t know what to say, so I just moved to the floor and sat beside him with my head on his shoulder. I contemplated telling my own stories but I didn’t want to. I don’t think I could even make the words come out of my mouth even if I wanted to. I knew what I did and I knew there was nothing i could do to fix it. No matter how much I begged and pleaded for anyone to just talk to me. My god was my father. And I hade none. All I had now was him to keep me company and I wasn’t going to complain.

“Do you want to go to my room, I don’t know how the Christmas tree is making you feel”

“No, it’s fine”

He let me rest my head on him, his breathing had slowed and my shirt had dried. His hand rested on my knee while I stared off into the Christmas lights.

“I want to go to my room anyway, if you want you can follow me. The heat doesn’t work as well out here”

“If you insist.”

I picked up my computer off of my bedside table, I usually checked my emails at this time of night but he hadn’t seen a computer in a while so he was busy pressing buttons and looking up dumb websites with my browser.

“Please be careful you’re gonna give me a virus”

“A man can’t use the internet”

“No you just can’t click on every pop up ad you see”

“Ok then I don’t want to use the internet anymore”

I rolled my eyes and shut my computer, crossing my arms and looking down at him from my sitting position I watched him sit up and pull off the hoodie he had on. A different one from the one I gave him. I wondered where he got that one from but shook the thought from my head. His arms were pale, I could see blue veins peaking out from almost white skin a deep contrast from the black of the t shirt he wore underneath.

“You stare a lot”

“Hm.”

“I stare too, you just don’t catch me”

“That’s creepy”

“Sure. I know”

I kept looking while he looked at me, the inside of my cheek almost being bitten off while my heart threatened to burst out of my chest.

The way he sat up to take off his hoodie positioned him directly above my head. My cheeks burned and the tips of my fingers tingled when I laced my fingers through his hair, bringing his face closer to mine. His surprised hum when I kissed him made me hold onto his hair into a tighter grip. His hand moved to right above my elbow the other behind my neck.

I pulled away for a minute to breathe. My face stung and I moved to sit on the middle of his thighs. I needed to respond. The Last words needed to be mine.

“Fuck you”

[theratboyking]

Sunshine Of My Lifetime

Paring: Cardinal Copia/Reader (This is part of my series "Softly into the Night" and takes place after chapter 3, but this can be read as a stand-alone fic

Word Count: 953

Summary: Being pulled through the library was not what I thought my Friday afternoon would consist of when Copia asked if I wanted to help him file some papers. In fact, I’m not even entirely sure why we’re up here.

AO3 Link

(If you're interested, here's the link to the prologue of Softly Into The Night.)

Being pulled through the library was not what I thought my Friday afternoon would consist of when Copia asked if I wanted to help him file some papers. In fact, I’m not even entirely sure why we’re up here. His office is closer to the underbelly of the church, while the library is close to the chapel. It was a good 15-minute walk from here to his office.

But still, it was hard to stop him. Copia held my hand tightly, dragging me with him. I would have thought he was hiding something if I didn't know any better. It has been a little over a month since my stay here began, most of that time being spent around him and Terzo. There were just things I had started to pick up on. Ticks, if you will, for both of them.

Copia has not said a single word since we entered the library. He was always ready to talk my ear off about whatever it was he wanted. From whatever game he was currently playing, to his rats, to the latest thing Sister Imperator had him busy working on. There were very few moments where he and I weren’t talking, and even then, our silent moments were never like this.

I could practically feel the nerves coming off him in waves as he fidgeted with his free hand. I was half tempted to stop him and ask what was wrong, but he was on a mission. Suddenly his paces slowed–stopped in front of a set of stairs leading to the library's second floor. The sudden stop led me to run straight into his back.

I stumble back a few steps, “Copia?”

“Do you trust me cara?” His eyes fixed on mine. Searching for any sign of doubt

“Of course I do.” ‘With my life, if we’re being quite honest.’ The thought left just as quickly as it entered.

He steps behind me, covering my eyes, “Just followed the sound of my voice cara.”

“Don’t worry; we can go slow.” Ok, maybe he was doing it on purpose. I stiffen. His hot breath falls onto my neck. It was taking everything in me not to shudder from the contact. My brain runs with the images that flash through my mind. My stomach felt warm, only venturing down the more my mind wondered. ‘Stop. No. He’s your friend, don’t let these thoughts ruin it.’

I hadn’t realized that we had reached the top of the stairs until he started to put a bit of distance between us. Removing his hands from my eyes, “Tada!” He shakes his hands, showing off my unofficial space.

My mouth hung open, surprised. The corner I had made my little space differed entirely from how I had left it before lunch. A black table and a couple of chairs sat in the corner of the room. The window knock had new curtains–opened to let the light into the corner. A small side table is next to it, and a vase of roses is placed in the center of the little table. A few empty bookshelves were placed along the walls, blocking out unwanted eyes.

“You had said this was your study corner, sí?” He had a boyish grin on his face, proud of his efforts.

I mentioned a couple of weeks ago, as an off-handed comment while he had been trying to help me with my Latin, that I had found a place in the library that was just right for the “light” reading Secondo gave me. I was surprised that he even remembered all the work he’s been swimming in. I could only look around the space he had set up for me in wonder. This was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for me. “I hope you don’t mind. I thought maybe you would like your own space to do your studying…” He was looking anywhere but at me. His cheeks were a brilliant shade of red, waiting timidly for my answer; suddenly, he was the shy cardinal I had met back in the hospital wing. Finally, breaking from my trance. I take a few quick steps, closing the distance between us. Throwing my arms around him.

“Thank you, Copia.” His chest muffled tightened, but I knew he heard me. His grip tightening.

“Qualsiasi cosa per te amore.” He all but whispers.

We stay like this for a long time. Just taking the other in. Finally, he pulled back, his arms still on the small of my back, “Do you like it?” There was still the slightest hesitation in his voice.

“Like it? I love it! What… Why… How…?” It was all I could manage to get out. Copia smiled from ear to ear lighting up his face, obviously proud of his accomplishment.

“I had some of the ghouls help me bring this up. Terzo helped too, but he couldn't escape for the afternoon.” He slowly guided me to the table, sitting on one of the chairs. “I’m glad you like it cara.”

Taking a seat next to him. “Thank you, Copia.” I couldn’t bring myself to look anywhere but into his eyes. The warmth in my chest mixed with the butterflies in my stomach. The smile I had refused to leave my face as he talked animatedly about something; he looked so handsome like this.

Wait… Oh fuck… maybe I was starting to get too deep in this. Still looking at Copia; the feeling is only growing the longer I watch him. With one final thought, my attention shifted to whatever he was talking about, deciding it would be a problem for another day.

Translation: Qualsiasi cosa te amore- anyhting for you, love

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers LOST EDEN ー Kino Ecstasy [Epilogue]

ー The scene starts with the night sky

Yuuri: ...Fufu. What’s the matter, Kino...?

You’ve been running away the whole time...That’s nothing like you.

Why not use those powers you’re so pride of, huhーー!?

*Woosh* 

Kino: ...Fufu. You fool...If I were to do that, I could send you flying the blink of an eye.

That wouldn’t be fun now, would it?

Yuuri: ...! Haah!

*Woosh*

*TIMESKIP*

*Woosh*

Kino: ...Kuh.

Yuuri: ...For someone as great as you, you seem to be struggling quite a bit against a ‘mere Ghoul’?

Why not get serious already?

Kino: ...I don’t want to. I hate it when people tell me what to do. 

Yui: ...

( He isn’t just not using his powers. It’s that he can’t use them. )

( Because he knows that Yuuri-san will die if he does. )

( I’m sure that Kino-kun doesn’t want for that to happen. That’s why... )

Yuuri: ...I see. You leave me no other choice then. ーー !

*Woosh* 

*Stab* 

Kino: Kuh...!

ー Kino falls to his knees

*Thud*

Yui: Kino-kun!!

Yuuri: ...Fufu. You let your guard down, Kino...

Kino: ...Heh. Don’t get ahead of yourself because you managed to get a small scratch on me...?

Yuuri: This wouldn’t have happened if you had just used your powers right away.

You’ve always been like that...At the very end...You just can’t help but let the kind heart inside of you show.

That’s why...!

*Woosh*

Kino: Ugh...

Yui: Stopーー!!

Monologue

Yuuri lowered the blade in his hand towards me,

as I sat there knelt down in front of him. 

I close my eyes.

For some reason, at that moment,

I suddenly remembered the day,

when I was taken to Yuuri’s home as a child.

I was so terribly afraid of everything and everyone...

but it was Yuuri,

who reached out his hand to me,

as I sat there shivering in the corner of the room.

Even though back then,

his hand was much smaller,

and way less reassuring than it is now.

But back then,

it was most definitely the hand which saved me.

In the end,

I don’t think I have the heart to kill Yuuri. 

In which case...

...Even though I thought that way,

in the end, Yuuri’s blade never came down.

After allーー 

*Cling* 

Yuuri: ... 

What do you think you’re doing...? 

Kino: ( ...What? )

Richter?: I am sorry, but I am afraid your little game ends here. This man shall come with us, alive. 

Yuuri: ...Excuse me? That’s not what you promised...!

Richter?: The bishop’s words are law. Those who stand in our way...ーー shall be erased. 

*Woosh* 

Yuuri: ...! Uwaaaahーー!!

Kino: ...!

Male Ghoul A: Yuuri!

Male Ghoul B: That was a low move...! How could you!

Richter?: You pesky Ghouls...Know your place.

*Woosh*

Male Ghoul A: !

Male Ghoul B: Uwaaaah!

Richter?: Can somebody else get Ayato from the dungeon? Also get rid of all remaining Ghouls.

I shall take care of Kino.

Male Clergyman A: Roger.

ー The men run off

Richter?: ...

ー Kino walks up to Yuuri

Kino: ...Yuuri?

Yuuri: ...

Kino: Hey, Yuuri. Talk to me...

Yuuri: ...

Kino: ...I thought you were going to kill me? You were talking big about it! How it’s your duty and all...

Answer me!

Yuuri: ...

Kino: ...Why...?

*Thud* 

Richter: ...Well then, Kino. You shall be coming with me. 

Kino: Yuuri...ーー!!

Monologue

Yuuri-san is dead. 

Richter-san is the one who killed him.

ーー No, scratch that. 

It’s that guy who we met in the Demon World before. 

Someone who looks just like Richter-san, but is an entirely different person.

The large group accompanying him,

are the same people from before,

which I can only assume are associated with the Church.

At the hands of those men,

the remaining Ghouls dropped like flies.

I was unable to do anything,

simply witnessing the scene dumbfounded.

After a while,

once things had gone quiet once again,

I realized that Kino-kun,

was nowhere to be seen.

Yui: ( No way...Where is Kino-kun...? )

( I have to go after him...But what should I do...? )

Kou: Ah! M-neko-chan, found you~!

Yui: ...!

ー Kou and Laito run up to her

Kou: Fufu. Sorry for the delay! We’re here to come pick you up~

Yui: Kou-kun...Everyone...

Laito: Honestly, knowing that you are safe at the very least is what matters most~

Yui: ...But Kino-kun was taken away...

Shuu: Kino...? They took him with them as well and not just Ayato?

Yui: Exactly...I have to go after them right away, or I’m sure it won’t end well...

Kou: I’m pretty sure those guys are the same ones who hurt Ruki-kun before. In other words...

Shuu: ...The Church, huh...?

Yui: ...

I don’t know why, but it seems like the Church has been trying to get their hands on Ayato-kun for a while...

I have a bad feeling about it. Kino-kun might be in trouble as well...

Laito: Nfu~ Geez, Bitch-chan. Kino-kun this, Kino-kun that. Seems like you have quite the soft spot for that guy...

Yui: Eh!?

Laito: I love that slutty side of yours but...I’m pretty sure Ayato-kun will be disappointed in you. 

Yui: ...That’s not true. Ayato-kun is long aware.

Laito: Eeh!? Hold on, time out~! What do you mean by that!? What on earth happened!? 

Shuu: Haah...Shut up. Who cares about that. Right now we have to focus on Ayato instead.

Anyway, now that Ayato is in their hands, we have to act as well. 

I don’t want this whole situation to get even more sticky.

Laito: In other words, we’ll go pick a fight with the Church? 

Shuu: Yeah, that’s what it boils down to...

Kou: In that case, let’s go kick their butt real quick~!

Laito: In that case, I’ll be in charge of bringing Bitch-chan to safety. Well then, shall we go? 

Yui: W-Wait...! Can’t I come along as well...?

Shuu: You’ll go to the Church...?

Yui: I realize that I might only get in the way...but I’m worried about the two of them...

Shuu: ...

...Do as you please?

Laito: ...Shuu!?

Yui: ...! Thanks, Shuu-san!

Shuu: ...However, prepare yourself. 

Yui: Eh...?

( What does he mean by that...? )

Shuu: Haah...Let’s go.

Kou: Roger~! Come on, off we go, M-neko-chan!

Yui: Y-Yeah...!

ー The scene shifts to the dungeon at the Church

*Cling*

Male Clergyman A: Come on, get in.

*Rustle*

Kino: ...!

*Thud*

Kino: ...Ow...

*Rattle*

Monologue

After being taken away from the scene,

I was thrown into the Church’ dungeon,

together with Ayato.

The cell had been induced,

with an anti-magic seal,

which those guys happen to be such experts at,

so my powers were completely blocked.

However,

I no longer gave a damn. 

I couldn’t even bring myself,

to put those guys from the Church through hell,

in an attempt to avenge Yuuri’s death.

I mean, even if I were to do that,

Yuuri won’t come back to life. 

It’d only make me feel even more empty inside.

Revenge is pointless. 

That’s what Yui told me before. 

However...

I didn’t think,

this would be how I finally,

come to realize the truth in those words.

Kino: ...

( It’s my fault. I should have never gotten involved with the Church... )

( ...But I guess it’s too late for regrets now... )

*Rustle rustle*

Kino: ( ...It’s too late. For everything... )

Ugh...

Ayato: ...Oi, Kino. Are you awake?

Kino: ...I am. You really think I can sleep on this hard of a bed?

Ayato: Hah. What’s that? I thought you were feelin’ down but you seem to be doin’ just fine. 

Kino: ...Not really. I’m not feeling down or anything.

Ayato: Say. What do you think the Church will do with us?

Kino: Good question. Beats me. They’ll probably execute us to show off their own power?

I mean, I don’t care about what they’ll do. 

Ayato: Haah? You don’t care...? It’s your problem as well though, isn’t it!?

Kino: ...

Ayato: Che, cat got your tongue, huh? God, my big bro really doesn’t know what he wants, huh? 

Kino: ...Eh? 

( Did he just...refer to me as his big bro...? )

Ayato: Ah? I’m not wrong, am I? I mean, you’re the one who introduced yourself as such.

Kino: ...I did, but...

Ayato: I mean, I did think it smelt fishy at first. For that shitty Old Man to have a secret lovechild... 

But you know, I don’t know why, but right now, I’m pretty sure that you’re speaking the truth.

I mean, you’re just like my other brothers. Like how you’re a huge pain in the ass.

Kino: ...Excuse me...?

( Brothers... )

( Exactly. This guy, as well as the other Sakamaki’s, we all share the same blood... )

( We’re all sons of Karlheinz... )

ー Somebody approaches the cell

Ayato: ...! Richter...!? 

Richter?: Kino. The Bishop is waiting. You shall be coming with me. 

*Clatter* 

Richter?: ...Come here.

Kino: ...What if I say no?

Richter?: The Bishop’s word is law. ーー Come.

*Thud* 

Kino: Guh...!

Ayato: ...! Lay it off!

Richter?: ...Ayato. You shall stay there and behave.

That is what the Bishop wants...

Kino: ...That hurts! Let me go!

ー Kino is taken away

Ayato: ...The fuck was that just now...?

That guy...isn’t Richter...

ー The scene shifts to the Church

*Creaaak*

Kino: For the millionth time, let me go!

Richter: ...

*Thud* 

Kino: Uwah...!

ー Kino drops to the floor

???: Fufu, so you are here...

Richter?: My sincere apologies for the wait, Bishop...

Kino: ...You’re the Bishop...?

Bishop: Yes, exactly. Well then, Kino. Let us get started right away.

Kino: Start what... ーー !?

Male Clergyman A: Hold him down!

Male Clergyman B: We’ll hang him from that cross!

After being crucified, 

I was surrounded by a strange group of men clad in white. 

Judging from their appearance which reminded me of scientists,

I could only assume,

that they were not actually part of the Church

Kino: What’s going on here, huh?

Bishop: Fufu. We would like to show a certain technique we have developed to you... 

Kino: Haah? Excuse me? 

Do you guys have to do that sort of stuff now as well? What happened to worshipping God, huh?

Bishop: Oh, not at all. It’s just that we realized...

Why is it that we had no other choice but to submit to Demons? Because we do not have any magic ourselves, that is...

Even with modern science at our disposal, it was difficult to create magic.

After many experiments, the most we could do was seal away someone else’s powers...

Kino: Heh, well duh...Magic isn’t something which can be ‘crafted’. 

Bishop: Exactly. You are absolutely right.

That’s why we decided to take a different route.

Kino: A different route...?

( What does he mean by that...? )

Bishop: If we cannot create magic.

Why not make those with magic submit to us and have them use their powers for our own benefit?

In other words...All we need is create Demons who will act as our loyal servants. Take Richter over there, for example. 

Kino: ...!

Richter: ...

Kino: ( Then, this guy is actually Richter...who should have died back then...? )

...So that’s why you went to retrieve his corpse, huh...?

Bishop: Aah, yes. We revived him using the power of modern science. As our watchdog...

The era in which us humans get to take revenge on Demons has come at last...

But to achieve that, we need a couple of more slaves...

Kino...Ones which have strong powers like you, do you understand...?

Kino: ...!

( These guys...So that’s why they...! )

Male Clergyman A: ...Bishop, excuse us. The Vampires in question are standing in front of the Church...

Kino: ...Vampires...?

Bishop: ...Excuse me? Fufu...I see. 

If they want to willingly sacrifice themselves, fine by me. Let them in.

Male Clergyman A: Roger!

Bishop: Seems like your brothers and Vampire comrades have come to visit us.

I can only assume that the ‘Chosen Eve’ is with them as well.

Kino: ...!

( Yui... )

Monologue

Standing in front of the open door,

I instinctively came to a halt. 

Surrounded by a bunch of men dressed in white,

Kino-kun seemed to have been attached,

to some kind of weird cross statue. 

Furthermore,

standing right next to him...was a man,

I did not expect to see in the slightest.

Kino: ...! Why did you come here!?

Yui: Kino-kun...

( What on earth...is going on...? )

Shuu: Hah...You freak...

Bishop: Fufu, run your mouth all you want...

Yui: ( ...I’m sure of it...That man is... )

Male Clergyman B: Bishop, everything is ready.

Bishop: ...I see. I suppose this is a good opportunity for you guys to witness the show.

Of how Kino is turned into our loyal dog...through this wonderful technique created by us humans...

Monologue

That man who goes by the title of Bishop,

is Komori Seiji. 

ーー My Father, who had supposedly gone missing. 

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

[graciegoeskrazy]

love it if we made it

Pairings: Matt Murdock x Queer!Teen!Daughter!reader, Karen Page x Queer!Teen!reader

Warnings/Content: so much fucking angst, queer teen - sexuality is not specified although reader is dating someone who uses she/her pronouns - mentions of coming out, catholicism, being catholic and queer, yelling, cursing, crying, mentions of self harm, protective matt murdock, matt is a shitty dad for a bit, mentions of absent mother, queen karen, LET ME KNOW IF I MISSED ANY PLEASE

A/N: Although it’s shorter than what I was envisioning and definitely not perfect, this might be my favorite thing I've written lately. This thing is ANGSTY AS HELL but i've been told that's my specialty. Little storytime - I went to an all catholic school for 10 years of my life but stopped going to church and stuff soon after I left that school. That was about 4 years ago and I have changed immensely since then. Recently, I’ve been trying to reconnect with my faith and what not but whatever church I go to they can’t seem to grasp that the girl they once knew is bisexual and has different ideas then they do. All I want is to have a better connection with my faith but wherever I go it feels impossible. This idea popped into my head recently with everything that happened and I need more dad mm in my life so - two birds one stone lmao. I don’t mean to push catholicism on anybody or make fun of catholics in any way btw. Trust me the last thing I want is anyone telling anyone that what they believe and are doing is wrong. This is just where I'm coming from and how this fic came to be. Love you all lots, no matter who or what you believe in or who or what you love. Xoxo gossip girl

Matt’s phone rang a 2nd time but he quickly silenced it again. “Do you need to take a call Mr. Murdock? We don’t mind.” A man at the table said, a slight edge in his voice. Before Matt could answer, the phone rang again.

…Y/n…

…Y/n…

…Y/n…

“Uh- I’m so sorry. It’s my daughter. Just give me a minute.” The rest of the men gave unamused looks as he excused himself. (Not that Matt could see it or anything)

“Hello?”

“Dad, It’s me. I need you to come to school.”

“Why? What happened?” Annoyance more than worry showed in his tone, making you cringe even more. You sighed before continuing. “I got into a fight at school.” Your father couldn't believe what he was hearing. “What? Y/n Murdock! What the hell were you thinking?” Although any parent might react that way, you didn't expect that reaction from your father.

“They were making fun of me, dad! They made comments about Jane and I. They just wouldn't shut up about the fact I’m gay, even after I politely told them to stop several times, they wouldn't. She and I had enough. It’s not exactly ideal being one of the only queer kids in an all catholic school.”

“That is absolutely unacceptable behavior, y/n.”

“Say’s the guy who runs around punching people in a devil costume!”

“That is completely different.”

“No it isn’t!” Your voice raised quite a bit, having enough of your fathers words. You tried to take a few breaths to try and calm yourself. “Whatever. Look, I need you to come and pick me up. I’m right outside the principal's office, they want to talk to you.”

He let out a large sigh, making you anxious. “Okay, I'll be there in 15.” He hung up not saying an ‘I love you’, or even a ‘goodbye’. Not that you thought he meant it when he did say it, but still, it meant you were in for trouble.

You sat outside the principal's office by the front desk, legs crossed, toes tapping, slumped in a chair, waiting for your fathers arrival. Your eyes caught sight of the man with red glasses strutting towards the door with a cane in hand. You sat up and opened the door to guide him in. “I’m sorry.” You said. He didn’t reply, only kept walking. You followed behind. “Dad, I said I’m sorry.”

“I know you did, y/n. Stop talking.”

Okay jeez. This was gonna be tough.

…

You sat quiet during the entire meeting. You knew what was coming and thought it wasn't worth putting up a fight. It was no secret that you did something wrong, you were very conscious of that, but come on, you weren't the only one that deserves a punishment. Those catholic bitches would not stop taunting you. It wasn’t only today. The bullying had started years ago with usual pointless remarks to anyone and everyone, but when word spread about your sexuallity, that's when all hell broke loose. All eyes were on you. Teachers, students, and faculty had heard about you being gay. Those who were supportive looked at you with awe and inspiration. Most however, looked at you with disgust, including the girls who got you in the spot you were in today. Most quickly forgot about it and moved on with their lives. Some teachers made a point to bring your father in to suggest ‘help’ for you, but he quickly said he would sue the school and report every individual teacher who made another comment about you to the school board and superintendent. Yeah, he was catholic, but your happiness was (usually) first priority for him. Although, it didn't feel like it today.

The verdict was a week of suspension followed by 3 days of detention. Your dad and yourself made your way out of the building and on the way home. The commute to your apartment was only about a 5 minute walk. You stayed quiet most of the time. Until he spoke up as you entered the building and made your way into your apartment. “You're not gonna give your side of the story.”

“I tried to at school and you told me to shut up.”

“You sure it's not because your side of the story isn't worth it? You sure stayed pretty quiet during that meeting.”

“Because I know you would tell me to stop fighting it anyway. Look I know I was in the wrong, but I wasn't the only one. And talk about me being quiet? You barely said anything to defend me! You just sat there and nodded. And don’t tell me you were speechless or something, you're a lawyer for christ’s sake.”

“Yeah, I was speechless. I didn't expect it. It’s embarrassing, y/n.``

“Of course it’s embarrassing. Everything I do is a disappointment to you.” You said, putting up your shoes and jacket by the front door, quickly trying to head upstairs to your bedroom.

“Hey- I never said that.”

“No, but you think so. Me being queer, me being into arts, me being into all the things you hate. You're the successful, up and coming lawyer who all the ladies thirst over, while I'm just an inconvenience. And don’t say otherwise, I don't have to be able to listen to heartbeats to know when you're lying.”

“Come on, that is far from the truth, y/n. It’s not you, it’s your actions.”

You quickly turned back to face him. “Now that is the most bullshit excuse I've ever heard.”

“Language, young lady!”

“Oh fuck language, and fuck you!”

“Enough! I will not let you disrespect me like that! Whatever you're going through, do not pin it on me.”

“Of course, how could I? Because it’s never your fault, it's always mine. I’m the problem. I’m the fuck up, the stupid mistake you made and have to repent for.”

“Don’t say that, y/n. You know that’s not true.”

“Of course it’s true! Don’t say it’s not. That's why it’s embarrassing for you. Because I ruined your meeting with a bunch of classy, a-list, New York assholes because you had to pick up your daughter who is nothing but an inconvenience for you and a constant reminder of the worst mistake you ever made.”

“Y/n, stop-”

“Stop what? Saying the truth? I bet you wish I wasn’t here sometimes. I bet you wish that car wouldn't have hit her. Then maybe I wouldn't be such an inconvenience to you.”

“Yeah, Maybe.”

Your breath hitched. You always knew the truth. You always knew how you ended up here, but never in a million years did you actually think he would admit it. 15 goddamn years on this earth and never once did you actually think your father would take back a single moment. You didn’t cry or become angry, instead the feeling that rushed over you was some sort of loss. At a loss for words or a loss of movement or the loss of knowing what to do. All you wanted to do was give up, fall limp on the floor and lay there for however long you needed to. Long enough for all of this to wash over. Some would call it giving up. To you, it was the only solution you had left. Too long you’ve spent trying to patch up the holes between you and your dad, all for the sake of this shitty family. You’ve had enough. Enough of the fighting, enough of the lonely nights staying up hoping and praying that your father would come home without a bullet in his head, enough of being tired. Tired. That’s what you were feeling. You had felt it for too long and were sick of it.

Your voice cracked as you continued to speak. “I don’t know what to do, Dad. Those people hate me because I simply exist, and apparently you do too, and I don’t know how to make it better other than changing myself completely or ending my life because apparently you and several others would be just fine if I wasn't here.” A single tear made its way out and down your cheek. Your father stood in front of you like a deer in headlights, he had stayed that way since those last words left his mouth, realizing how bad he had messed up. You didn't know what to say anymore. Hopelessness showed its face once again. You rushed upstairs and into your room, not wanting to stand in front of your father any longer.

…

Later that night, your phone rang. It was Karen calling to do your daily check in on you. You answered.

“Hey sweets! How was school today?” You just groaned in response. Karen’s curiosity grew. “I heard your dad had to leave the meeting early to pick you up, you doin’ alright?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m okay.”

“You sure. You sound…different.”

You sighed. There was no harm in telling her. Karen was family and whether she liked it or not, she was stuck with you forever. You trusted her with everything. Might as well tell her…

“I got into a fight today?”

“What? Are you okay?”

That was the kind of reaction you expected from your father, more worry than angry. Of course Karen reacted this way. Maybe she was the parental figure you always needed…

“Yeah. I'm fine. It’s just some stupid kids making fun of me and I had enough.”

Karen could tell something else was off. She paused for a second, then continued. “What else?”

“What do you mean?”

“Come on kid, I know when something is bothering you, I’m practically your mother.”

A smile came across your face.

“Ok so, my dad got really upset at me, and I basically told him that he probably regrets having me, and how I know I'm such a disappointment to him, and he agreed and it really blew up.”

“That mother fucker.”

That made you laugh. It was good to know she would be on your side through all this.

“Do you want to come to my house for the night? I’ll pick you up and we can have a girls night and stuff and you can tell me more.”

“No, I'll be fine here. I’d rather just cry in peace in the darkness of my room, to be honest.”

She sighed, “Jeez girl. You better call me if you need a single thing.”

“I will. Don’t worry.”

…

You heard your father come up the stairs and quickly shut off your phone and rolled over on your side facing towards the wall, away from your father.

“I know you're awake, n/n.”

Your eyes shot open. How do I keep forgetting he has super hearing?

“Worth a shot.” You kept your direction towards the wall.

Matt took a beat before starting. “Karen called me. She said if I ever hurt you again she would go daredevil on my ass.” He took a seat next to your bed, not wanting to get too close just yet, but still wanting to let you know he was there. “I’m sorry. Really, really, truly sorry.”

“It’s alright, dad-”

“No. No, it’s not. I messed up…really badly.” He moved some of your hair behind your ear in an attempt to comfort you. “I never meant to hurt you. I never want you to question my love for you ever again. I love you so so so much, baby girl. More than anything or anyone.”

A tear escaped down your right eye. You flipped over and faced him. “I love you. No matter who you are or who or what you love, and I didn't do a good job of showing you that, and I'm sorry.” He sucked in a large breath before he continued. “You are the farthest thing from a mistake. Yes, you were unexpected, but I would never, ever take back a single moment of being your father. You are the only girl I ever needed, and I love you so very much.”

You opened your arms and scooted back to make room for your dad to snuggle next to you on your bed. He brought you close to him, letting you lay your head on his chest. You mumbled “I love you too.” as he brushed through your hair with his fingers, in an attempt at some sort of calming peace offering.

This would be fine. This would be okay. You both would be okay.

[thethickerside]

Amour

noun

a secret or illicit love affair or lover.

A story based off of the song “What do you want me to do?” By Prince

Chapter one

The emotional involvement.

——————

“I said you'd get beheaded in other lands

If I were in your arms tonight

Quit tryin' to get me under that icy plunder

Boy, oh boy, what a scare, oh

… What do you want me to do, girl?”

——————

What do you want 2 do?

“We can’t keep doing this.” I look back at her laying in the bed. Her hair was a bit messy, and her mascara was smudged around her eyes. “Who says?” She asked. She had that same smirk on her face. The smirk that says “yeah right.” I frown lightly and lay back down next to her. “I will keep on repeating this until you get it. I do not have anyone on the side...everything is fine. No one will know.” She says. “Scotty. It’s bound to come out someday if we keep on...you know.” She looks at me and kisses my lips gently. “...I-I mean...think about it, you said yo—“ she spoke , “Baby, if news got out that the pastors wife was having sex with one of witnesses at the church, hell would erupt...” I said to her.

I knew that my husband’s and I’s relationship was done. I felt neglected and like a slave under his control. “You’re married by a legal contract, not by heart...” My relationship, and her past relationship were alike when it came to that. “You don’t love him—“ No. “I do, I love him.” She chuckled lightly at my interruption. “Let me rephrase that...You’re not in love with him. You can have love for someone...but being in love with that person is a whole different feeling...”

I didn’t say anything. The truth was...I was starting to hate my husband.

𝘚𝘱𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨, 2013

--------------

Walking into the sanctuary and sitting in the front row, the sound of the congregation and babies crying rung through my ears. I looked around and saw my husband having a conversation with a woman dressed in a black knee length dress. ‘He does this every day...who is she..?’ My mind was interrupted by a tap on my shoulder. I looked up and saw a women with her newborn baby in her arms. I smiled up at her and started to say hello. As we were talking, I heard my husbands voice on the microphone. The ladies I chatted with rushed back to their seats, as the sermon was about to start.

Hours later, everyone was leaving. I got up, and walked to my car, not saying a word to my husband. I drove home to start on dinner, panicking because of how much time I had. Once I got in the house, I quickly took the pot roast out of the oven. I woke up at 5 am and prepared it, setting it in the oven, so it could slow cook. I checked to see if the meat was tender for the final product, and it was. I quickly set the table, and made some lemonade.

Checking the time and seeing that he should be home at any minute, I ran upstairs and changed into a flowing sundress. The door knob turned by the time I was done. He walked into the house, seeing me finishing the last little imperfections of the set table. “Dinner smells good.” He said, his voice boomed through the house, making me flinch a bit. “Thank you...well, sit down! Let me make your plate.” I said warmly. “You did really good at church...the sermon was really powerful.” I lied straight through my teeth. It wasn’t like it wasn’t good...I just didn’t listen.

I sat down next to him and waited for him to take the first bite. “Darrell...” I said his name. “Tina have you been learning your verses?” He said to me. His left his plate. He looked me dead in the eye and searched for any lies before I spoke. “W-well, I have been...I’ve just been really busy w-with the women’s group at church and gardening—“ He interrupted me. “Enough. Tina you 𝘢𝘳𝘦 going to learn your verses. Go upstairs, stay in the bedroom and GLUE your eyes to that bible.” He said to me, he was very stern with his tone, and it brought tears to my eyes a bit. “B-bu—“ My voice was trembling, and my body jumped as he slammed his hand down on the table. I hated it when he got like this.

He gets so angry when I speak about anything other than Jehovah...and breeding. “That was an order Tina. Now go.” He said. I got up and rushed upstairs, closing the door behind me. I let out a little sob and sat on my bed.

“Wh-what d-did I do..?” I asked myself. I heard him open the front door and close it, meaning he had left. I looked out of the window and saw his car speed down the road. I quickly changed into a more comfortable outfit, and grabbed my gardening tools, heading out to the front lawn. I took a deep breath and began to plant my tulip seeds. Gardening was like therapy to me. “I’ve been meaning to tell you this for a while...but I love your garden miss...” I heard a warm voice say behind me. I turned my head around and saw a woman with a bag of snacks in her hand. The sunset was making her light skin glow, and her white button up exposed some of her chest. She had on black fitted pants, topped off with a pair of converse’s. “Well thank you. I’ve never seen you before, are you new to town?” I asked. This town was very small, and everyone knew about my husband and I being leaders of the church.

“Yeah, I am. I moved here about 2 weeks ago...I finally got settled in.” She said with a slight chuckle. She had an accent. I looked around briefly with a smile on my face. “We’ll come on in! This town isn’t big, and I haven’t seen you around much,” I said. I began to recite the script my husband would force me to memorize. “Do you have a strong faith background?” She frowned lightly out of confusion and nodded. “How about I invite you in, and give you a brochure of our church.” I said. I gathered my tools and seeds, then opened the door to my house. “Come on in!” I said to her.

The moment I closed the door after she stepped in, I told her to sit on the couch. I closed the door and grabbed one of the booklets.

Walking over to her I sat down, but not to close. “So...what’s your name..?” She asked. “Tina.” I answered shortly. “What about you?” I asked him. “Vivienne.” She said. My eyes lit up. I loved her name! “I love your name...” I didn’t realize how flirtatious that sounded until I said it. My cheeks flushed and I gulped. “W-well I-I” she chuckled at my stuttering. I took in her features and slowly became very shy as she gazed upon me. “It’s okay...thank you though.” She said. “So, Tina...tell me about yourself.” She said. “I love to garden, as you can tell.” I said. “Yea, your garden is beautiful! It was the first thing I saw in the neighborhood.” She said to me.

We chatted for a bit before the house phone rung. I got up and went to it, picking the phone up and sighing lightly once I heard the voice on the other end. “Tina. There’s an emergency at the church, I won’t be home tonight. Once I return tomorrow, I want you to recite what you’ve been st-“ I interrupted him. “Should I be at the church as well? What’s going on?” I asked Darrel. “It’s none of your concern. Don’t expect me home tonight.” He said plainly. He hung up on before I could say a word.

My eyes welled up with tears. I could feel my mind become overwhelmed and cloudy with all of the thoughts running through my head. I sniffled and put my face in my hands. I hated when this would happen. He never really cared for me at all. It was always the church. “You okay..?” I hear Vivienne’s voice behind me. I didn’t respond, making her turn my chair around. I was facing her with tears falling down my cheeks. “Tina...what happened..?” She asked.

She had a warm, caring look in his eyes. It was something I hadn’t seen from someone in so long. I told her a lot about my relationship, occasionally having fits of sobs, where she would hold me. She even helped me out of my chair, and sat with me on the couch. “Oh my...I’m so sorry...have you ever thought about leaving him?” She asks. “No! I could never! We’re supposed to stay together for eternity...any thing else would be sinful.” I said. I gulped and felt her eyes on me.

Scotty 𝑷𝑶𝑽

I looked over at her, and I could see her visible pain. I remember a time when I felt like her. Just so conflicted. “Tina...I hate to tell you this...but sometimes you have to do things for your own well being...” she didn’t respond. I signed lightly. “Well the least I could do is take your mind off of it.” I said to her. My statement made Tina turn her head to look at me. She had a curious look on her face. “Do you wanna go for a drive?” I asked her. She visibly contemplated. Her bottom lip puffed out slightly and her head tilted a bit. It was a cute sight to see. “Well...sure...” she said. Her tone was very light and delicate. I grabbed her hand helped her get up. She grabbed a pair of sandals sitting by the front door and slipped them on. I opened the door for her and watched her walk to the car. By this time it was night...but I could see her body shape. The light from the moon peered down onto her body. I could see the curves of her physique through the flowy dress. As I walked to my car, I tried to clear my mind of the lustful thoughts running through it. I cleared my throat and started the car, driving away from the house.

After awhile we were sitting in pure silence. “Vivienne..?” She asked. “Yes?” I said. “Can you pull over...? Maybe we can stargaze...”By this time we’re on a dirt road. So I pulled over and stopped the car. “Stargaze...hmm...okay.” I said. She smiled lightly and kept her eyes on me.

𝑻𝒊𝒏𝒂 𝑷𝑶𝑽

------------

She was just...so intriguing. “So...do you mind telling me about yourself..?” I asked. “Well, I moved here from London. I wanted a change from what I was used to, and someone actually encouraged me to branch out and find myself, hence why I am here. .” She looked back at me. I nodded and kept the eye contact. The radio was playing softly. A song came on with a really slow and sultry beat. She looked over at the radio with a slight smirk. Vivienne looked back at me in silence. “Vivienne...can I tell you something?” I asked. “Yeah...” she said simply. Her tone was deeper, almost like her mind was trailing off into another realm. “All of my life...I’ve been told what to do. I want to be able to live my life, but I’m so afraid.” After I let that off of my chest, it was like I could breathe better.

She rested her eyes on my ring finger, taking a glance at it. “Do you feel better now?” She asked. I looked at her in surprise. “I could visibly see your body rest once you got that energy out of your system...” She said. She was right, I was extremely tense. Vivienne re-adjusted herself and took a look at the clock on the car. “I have to get you home now...” She said. “Oh okay...” I was slightly disappointed. Her presence was very nice to be in.

She started to drive, and some minutes later, we were at my front door step. “I had a good time...” I said. She smiled, seeming a bit shy. “I did too...” We stayed silent for a couple of seconds before I spoke. “...can I give you my number..?” I asked. She seemed slightly excited. “Yeah sure...” she pulled out her phone, and I put my number in it. “Alright...well you have a good night...” I said. She nodded and bid me goodbye as well. Once I stepped into my house, I leaned my back against the door and took a deep breath. “Oh gosh...” My heart was racing and a felt daring. “What in the world is she doing to me..?”

——————

@inmyheadimobsessed @verachii @bubshri @my-love-unconditional-for-you

[imagineanythings]

Tis the Damn Season

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Words: 4.8k

The second fic in my Folklore and Evermore Collection

Other fics in the collection: The 1

Her head swarmed with frustration and anger and she finally noticed that she had pulled into the parking lot in front of the methodist church. She laughed to herself as she rested her head on the wheel. Of course she’d come here. Stupid. She moved to put the car in reverse and go somewhere, anywhere else, when taillights in her rearview mirror caught her eye. The air forcibly left her lungs in one swift exhale as she recognized that old, beat up, blue pickup.

---------------------------------------------------------

The familiar musty scent of beer and an unfortunate mixture of perfumes and colognes met her nose as she entered the bar. Faces more weathered than her memory had stored them greeted her as she weaved through. The motion of dodging through these people had become muscle memory, though the setting had shifted some years back from crowded high school hallways to this cramped hometown bar. She settled into a seat at the bar and shrugged off her coat, and once she had a gin and tonic in hand she was far more prepared to deal with the sea of semi-familiar faces around her.

It was all cordial hellos, obligatory “so what are you doing these days?”, or “how’s your family?” or “congratulations on your engagement or your promotion or your pregnancy or whatever else someone could be congratulated on ten years out from high school”. Small talk was easy, but grating, people couldn’t help but joke about how cold she must be here after coming from LA, or asking about contracts or jobs that she wasn’t allowed to talk about. Insincerity leaked from between their clenched, grinning teeth as they would ask “remember when we sat next to each other in bio? We sure had some good times. Did you say you were on set with Angelina Jolie last month?” They would say “It’s amazing that your career is taking off like this, it’s a tough industry” or they’d jab an all too sharp elbow into her side with a far too comfortable smile and say “If you ever need some company out there in LA, call me.”

Fake smiles and performed familiarity left her exhausted and frustrated as she worked on her third drink in a brief moment to herself. She took the time to scan the room and survey if anyone worth talking to had showed up. She was just about coming up empty when a crowded table in the corner caught her eye. She might have missed him with the swarm of people he was sitting with, except for his cold blue stare. She could never miss his eyes, even if she wanted to. Steve Rogers would never not be the first person she could pick out of a crowd. They held eye contact for a moment, air tense, background voices dimmed to a dull ringing in their ears as they returned to a long unpracticed art of reading one another.

She said hello with a quirked brow, he remained impassive, so she sipped her drink and narrowed her eyes, the corner of his lip tugged ever so slightly upwards, her shoulders released the slightest bit of tension, his jaw clenched, her eyes softened, he turned his head to speak to someone else. It seemed that neither was satisfied with the interaction, if it could even be called that. Nonverbal conversations used to be their secret, an inside joke in a room full of unsuspecting idiots. Suddenly she wished she couldn’t read him quite so well anymore.

One drink and a few more awkward conversations later, fresh soap and pine and firewood reached her nose and she knew he was about to pass her on his way out. At the peak of the scent a gentle brush against her side informed her that her estimates of his whereabouts were correct and she sat glued to her seat, forcing herself not to look. But nostalgia and curiosity and possibly a dash of hopeless romanticism grabbed her by the chin after a few moments and led her eyes to the muscular frame headed for the door. He paused, hand on the door, and as if he could sense it, looked up and met her eyes. There it was again, and her heart strung with icy blue hurt. He was gone within moments but she had felt an eternity in that eye contact.

One of the comforts of being home was the ability to zone out on drives through her sleepy, small hometown. Her eyes stayed on the road and her body mechanically brought her home as she thought about seeing Steve in the bar. Flashes of a dizzying high school romance intermixed with memories of the aching emptiness that followed. The feelings existed out of sync with one another.

At home, she only enjoyed a mere few minutes of peace before her mother began her favorite line of questioning. “Why did you have to go so far away sweetheart? We miss you.” Her mother began. With a deep breath, she braced herself. “You know why, Mom. You know I wanted to act. I couldn’t have done that here.” The words fell from her lips with no thought, muscle memory had taken over. “I just don’t see why that had to be the only option. You could make a nice life for yourself here. I mean did you really want to get away from us that badly?” “Jesus, Mom. You know that’s not why I left. We’ve been over this.” The argument went in progressively louder circles for who knows how long. After enough nothing, Y/N silently grabbed her coat. She called, “I’m going for a drive.” Before shutting the front door behind her and getting into her car.

Muscle memory is a crazy thing. She hadn’t thought about where she was going, she only knew that she had to get away for a minute. Her head swarmed with frustration and anger and she finally noticed that she had pulled into the parking lot in front of the methodist church. She laughed to herself as she rested her head on the wheel. Of course she’d come here. Stupid. She moved to put the car in reverse and go somewhere, anywhere else, when taillights in her rearview mirror caught her eye. The air forcibly left her lungs in one swift exhale as she recognized that old, beat up, blue pickup.

It seemed like she had no control over anything she did anymore, as she felt herself getting out of her car. Her brain was sounding all the alarms, telling her to stop, to turn around, get back in her car, and continue her personal pity party as far away from here as possible. Maybe even back in LA at this point. But her legs carried her forward nonetheless until finally she stood on the passenger side of the truck, staring through the window.

His head rested on his steering wheel the same way hers had a few moments ago, he hadn’t seen her yet. Despite all of her rational reasoning, she raised a timid hand and gently knocked against the glass. He jolted upright once at the sound and then again when he realized who was standing in front of him. She figured she was in too deep now, no running away, so she reached out and opened the door, climbed into the passenger seat and nearly had to hold back tears as she felt her skin against its familiar leather. With all the composure she could muster, she looked over at his still stunned face. “Wanna go for a drive?” She asked, and wordlessly, he started the car.

Silence filled the space, wrapped them both up in a warm familiarity for the beginning of the drive. She knew the roads he was taking, leading them aimlessly around the town that made them who they were. There’s no telling how long they needed to sit and absorb each others’ presence, they only knew that they would speak when it felt right again. “What brought you to the lot?” He broke the silence, surprising her. That was traditionally her job. She shrugged. “My parents, pissed at me for leaving and going so far away.” He nodded and hummed. “I get that.” The silence hung between them once again. “What about you?” Guilt broke her first this time. “House felt empty, like I was seeing ghosts. Just wanted to clear my head.” His tone had a practiced evenness to it that she recognized from when he tried to hold back his feelings, like the day they broke up. “Feel like I should be apologizing for that.” She observed. He exhaled deeply. “Maybe. Maybe I should be too.” SIlence met them again and they embraced it, comfortably. She continued to sneak glances at him in the quiet, trying to read him as he drove, as he clearly was trying to close himself off to her.

She took another deep breath after a long while and broke the silence again. “So the bar was a bust, huh? I mean Bucky wasn’t even there.” His shoulders shook in a silent chuckle as she looked up in shock that he was even responding with anything other than snark or frustration. “Yeah, even Tony was acting like an ass tonight.” “Where was Nat? Or Sam? Felt like no one worth talking to was around.” “They’re busy with their lives. Although out of everyone, you were the one we all expected to show up the least.” that coldness leached back into Steve’s tone. “You guys were talking about it? Seriously?” Her brows knitted together and she crossed her arms. “I mean, come on. We all just thought you’d be on a movie set. Or with people cooler and richer than this whole town combined.” The coldness was barely there in his voice, he spoke matter-of-factly. “Nah, LA people suck. Trust me, they’ve got nothing on some of the people here. Some of them.” She put emphasis on that last bit and met Steve’s eyes as they stopped at a red light. He looked quickly back to the road as the light turned green and continued along. The silence surrounded them again. She broke it again. “I miss you.” It was barely a whisper. “Yeah.” He breathed deeply. “I miss you too.” Another stop sign, another quick glance. “But I’m sure you already knew that.” “I’m sorry.” She said once again, she didn’t even know why she was saying it anymore. He just shook his head. They rode in silence for a long time again. She wondered when silence became more comfortable with him than speaking. Somewhere after middle school, she guessed. Either way, there was a nostalgia to the quiet that wrapped her up and made her feel warm despite the guilt squeezing her by the lungs.

The truck rolled to a stop right where it had started. He put it in park and stared straight ahead. “Thanks for the ride.” She said, as her fingers grasped the door handle and she began to push the door open, Steve reached out and grabbed her by the arm. Muscle memory kicked in again as he pulled her to him, a hand threading through her hair as he placed his lips on hers. His tug on her arm had some force behind it, but the kiss itself was soft and gentle, more of a question than anything else. She could feel him holding himself back before she gave in and kissed him back like leaning into a multiple years long itch that was finally being scratched. As soon as she showed eagerness he let go completely, one of his hands was tangled in her hair, the other had snaked around her waist to rest on her back, pulling as close as he could over the center console. She took his shirt in one fist and placed a gentle palm on his cheek. She had been in her hometown for a little over a day now but she hadn’t felt really at home until this moment.

He tasted like peppermint and whiskey and she felt like she was drowning in him when he pulled back to look at her. They breathed heavily in time with one another, something that simple having brought them back into sync after all those years. He spoke first between labored breaths. “Meet me at my place?” “I’ll follow you there.”

The morning sunlight streaked through unfamiliar windows and it took Y/N a moment to comprehend where she was. She sat up in bed and surveyed the neat bedroom she found herself in. It was simple, just the bed, an armchair in the corner, and a large, overstuffed bookshelf. The door creaked open to reveal Steve, in just his boxers, holding two steaming mugs.

“Mornin’ sleepyhead” He said with a chuckle as he carefully slid back into bed next to her. He handed her one of the mugs and a large t-shirt of his. She pulled the shirt, soft and well worn, over her head and then took a sip, coffee exactly how she liked it. She looked over to him in surprise to find him watching her anxiously. Her shocked smile easily melted the worry lines above his brow as he let out what sounded like an involuntary laugh. “I’m not gonna lie, I didn’t have much faith in your high school preferences but I guess some things do never change.” She laughed and let out a playful scoff.

“Thank you,” she said sincerely. “For everything.” They sat, sipping in silence for another few moments before she spoke again. “I missed you.” “I missed you too, Sugar.” He let his old nickname for her fall from his lips for the first time in ten years and she knew he could see the way it made her breath catch in her throat. They stilled, reading each other as gently as possible, searching for safe waters to steer whatever this was towards. She made the first attempt. “So we didn’t get to talking much last night,” her lips twisted in a wry smile and he laughed and shook his head, tension leaving his shoulders. “How’ve you been? What have you been doing? When did you move out of your parents’ place? Catch me up on all that I’ve missed,” She leaned forward, elbows resting on her knees as she raised eyebrows along with her mug to her lips.

He smiled, softly, no teeth, a mix of fondness and hurt in his eyes, but not the accusatory kind she had seen at the bar. It was a dull, sort of throbbing ache that she was all too familiar with that swam in the expansive blue of his eyes. And he started talking. He moved out of his parents’ house about five years back. As soon as he had the money to do it he was out of there. It had been mostly work for the last ten years. He looked at her with a slight sadness as he sighed and said “not much else to report”. She shook her head. “I’m sure that’s not true Rogers, I’ll just have to get a good few drinks in you to hear whatever stories you’re holding back,” she poked him gently in the rib and he laughed. “Trust me, there really aren’t many stories to tell. Feels like this place got a whole lot less exciting once you left.” It was like someone attached a string to all the air in her lungs and yanked it out through her mouth.

“Why didn’t you? Leave, I mean” She asked carefully. “I don’t know, I always thought about it but I had a job and then I started to climb ranks and build something of my own so it all just kind of made sense here,” He trailed off. She saw his minute intake of breath and knew he had more to say. She gave him space to get it out. “Plus where would I go anyway?” He finally let out, quiet, maybe even a bit fearful, his voice quivering the slightest bit. She wanted to put a hand on his arm, tell him he could have always come to LA, stayed with her, but she knew better than to offer that. Instead she put her coffee down on the nightstand and curled into his side, resting her head in his lap.

“Do you ever want to leave?” “I don’t know.” He placed his mug down as well and ran fingers through her hair. “Sometimes. But I mostly like the life I’ve built. I see why you did though,” “You do?” She peered up at him. “Yeah. I mean, this place can be tough. I still don’t know why you wouldn’t stay with me, why you didn’t even want to try with us, but I can respect why you couldn’t stay here.” She sat up, bringing a hand to his face. He leaned into it, letting her fingers rake over stubble and caress his jaw and cheek bones. “I didn’t want to. I just had to get away and I was young and stupid and I didn’t know if I could truly leave if I still had anything here that I was holding on to. If only I’d known what LA was going to be like. That holding onto a piece of my soul might actually have saved me from a lot of pain down the line.” “Are you gonna leave again?” His eyes wouldn’t leave hers and she couldn’t look away, trapped by his gaze. There was no pressure, there was no ill-will or blame, simply an understanding, a sense of I will not be blindsided by this again.

“I’m here for the weekend, aren’t I?” His air rushed out of him. She could tell he was disappointed but he did a good job concealing most of it. She sat up and placed a gentle kiss on his lips, hoping it could convey so much of what she just felt too damn ineloquent to express in words, and then got out of bed and cleared away the coffee mugs. She brought them to the kitchen and rinsed them to give him a second to think, to just be alone. When she came back he looked calm, he had leaned back against his antique wooden headboard, his arms crossed and his brow uncreasing as he seemed to come out of a thought. “You’re here for the weekend?” he asked, gesturing a bit to the space around him, indicating his home. She giggled and nodded. “The whole damn weekend, if that’s ok with you?” She confirmed and he smiled, shoulders and eyebrows relaxing. “Oh that is more than ok with me, I’ll take what I can get, Sugar.” He looked at her with genuine joy it seemed, so much hurt now missing from his gaze. With a wink she turned and started into the bathroom. “Now just what are you getting up to?” He asked and she pulled his shirt over her head with a comfortable smile. “I had an absolutely filthy night last night, feels like I need to wash off.” She tossed the shirt at him, leaving her bare skin exposed, “You coming?” she asked. “Yes, Ma’am” he said, his tone soaked in reverence and eyes full of desire as he made his way after her.

48 hours is nothing in the grand scheme of things, but they stretched it for all it was worth. She made breakfast, he cooked dinner. They rarely left the house except for one extra large grocery run. They drank hot chocolate, they sat by the fireplace and watched movies, they went for a walk around his property, they kissed every chance they got and almost never stopped touching each other in some way. He held her like he knew he was going to have to let go far sooner than he’d like. She couldn’t stop staring at him, trying to memorize this version of him, of them together. They were an older, more mature version of themselves, free of adolescent sting and grudges but never quite escaping a quiet fog of sadness that sometimes tasted like regret if she closed her eyes and focused on it too hard.

The time flew by all too quickly. Suddenly she was packing her small bag, preparing for her flight the next day. She was carefully folding her clothes and trying not to focus too hard on how intently Steve was watching her. She knew him too well at this point, could feel the force of his willpower on her, his presence begging her to stay. But he didn’t say anything, so she didn’t either. She simply zipped up her bag, crawled into bed, grabbed him by the front of his shirt, and kissed him, lips meeting his with force and passion. He tangled a hand in her hair and wrapped his other arm around her waist and pulled her into him, and for just a second, it felt like no other words needed to be said.

Hours later, she rested her head on his chest, feeling his even breathing, listening to his steady heartbeat. She stared into the empty darkness of his room, mind in a rush to get nowhere in particular, jumping anxieties like changing trains in an endless commute. Where do we go from here? Do I just go back home and pretend none of this happens? Can I handle the same silence I sat in for ten years? WIll he miss me? She raced through uncertainties at a rapid pace, but always found herself coming back to the same question. Would he ever just ask me to stay? She wasn’t even sure if she knew what her answer would even be if he did, but she wondered nonetheless. She could feel his breathing hitch, his arm around her shift, she knew he was still awake. She wondered what he was thinking about. She stayed silent and hoped that for once he couldn’t read her like she knew he always could.

In the morning they dressed in silence. She gathered her things and he brought her a cup of coffee, offered wordlessly. They sat in his kitchen, sipping in silence, bodies tense for fear of inadvertently giving too much away. He spoke first, softly, almost timid. “When’s your flight?” “Around two, should probably head to my parents’ to say goodbye soon.” He nodded. “We can head over there whenever you’re ready.” “We?” she quirked her brow and bit back a smirk. “How else do ya think you’re gonna get to the airport, dummy?” He said as he placed his mug in the sink. He found himself frozen upon turning around, confronted with a beaming smile centered directly on him. Neither spoke. The air grew thick and hot around them, a question grew into a lump into his throat, pushed its way to the precipice of his tongue before he swallowed it back down and reached over to grab her empty mug. Her shoulders sunk ever so slightly with what he thought might be disappointment but he couldn’t be sure. “Thank you.” She said softly, “for the coffee and the ride” She paused for a moment. “And the weekend.” He smiled and shot her a quick wink. “Anytime, Sugar” It felt like physically holding herself together, trying not to melt in that moment, and she knew he saw the way she tensed up a bit.

Warm air and sunny skies greeted her as she stepped out of LAX, but a chill ran through her body nonetheless, frost emanating from what felt like an empty pit residing in her stomach. Her phone was already buzzing constantly, messages from her agent, her publicist, friends, everyone and anyone trying to get her attention now that her little “vacation” was over. With a sigh, she scrolled through the messages and eventually called her agent, grateful for the chance to throw herself back into work and shake off the icy blue chill that seemed to follow her all the way here.

LA was busy, there was always something to be done, someone to call or meet with, a script to read over, lines to learn, workout classes to take, personal grooming to be attended to. It kept her occupied, allowing for a distraction as her mind would wander. Even as months passed, her focus never fully narrowed, and there was only so much she could do before the scent of soap and pine needles and freshly cut wood began to seep through the edges of her imagination. They didn’t speak. She wasn’t sure what the protocol would be and they hadn’t had the time to talk about it so she just gave him space, wondering if he was still reeling from their rekindling as much as she was.

She went to parties, hung out with friends, but there was a vacancy there, like everyone looked right through her, or saw her as just another rung on their own ladder to success. She could feel the insincerity in their smiles, squeezing her close with bony, designer swaddled limbs and whispering “I missed you baby!” or “It’s so good to see you!” or “Bestie, how have you been!?” and then pulling away with a smug smirk like they knew they had just given the oscar-winning performance. She wanted nothing more than to tell somebody, anybody about Steve, about what she was going through, but she couldn’t trust anyone. Spilling to any of these people would have the tabloids on it in a second.

So she worked. And she gave her own insincere smiles and hellos that didn’t go below the surface. And she kept her head down. She made some decent movies. She put out some work that she was really proud of. She walked the red carpet alone. She was getting offers on a consistent basis now, being able to be more and more selective about what she wanted to work on. It wasn’t about survival anymore, it was about what she wanted. And suddenly she felt like she wasn’t so sure about that anymore.

She stood on the red carpet for her last film of the year, a cheesy christmas romance that she only had a supporting role in, bombarded by photographers and people yelling her name. She flashed her perfectly practiced smile and straightened out her classic, deep red, floor length gown before leaving the mark for someone else. The shuttering of cameras, the screaming fans and paparazzi and stressed out PAs, the flashing lights, the similarly overstimulated and overworked stars all faded behind her as she walked into the darkness of the theater, and for one singular moment, for the first time in almost exactly a year, she felt peaceful. She pulled out her phone and sent a quick text to her assistant, changed my mind, actually do book me that ticket for tomorrow? You’re the best, and then she sat down to enjoy her cheesy, silly movie.

She pulled into the driveway in a rental car that smelled of stale cigarette smoke. Through the windows she could see her mother fussing about, putting decorations in place, getting the house in order. It looked warm inside. The flight had been long and her head hurt and her body ached but she found herself locked in place, white knuckles on the wheel. She couldn’t pry her fingers away to open the door. Her head was spinning and her chest felt tight until she let muscle memory take over as she shifted the car into reverse and suddenly everything felt clear. She followed the roads on autopilot, knowing exactly where she would end up but feeling not entirely sure until she arrived.

Stepping out of the car was easy this time. Too easy, in fact. She left it running, door open as she followed the magnetic pull to his front door, adorned with a vibrant, homemade pine wreath. Her heart felt like it was clawing its way out of her body through her throat as she reached a shaking hand up and knocked on the door. She held her breath for a few stunned, silent, panicked moments until she heard movement somewhere inside the house. The air came out of her all in a rush as the door opened and there Steve Rogers stood, right in front of her, live and in the flesh, blue eyes wide as they landed on her. “Hi.” seemed to be the only thing he could get out.

“Hi.” She responded breathlessly. They stood, staring at each other for a long moment, and when he finally opened his mouth to speak she cut him off, letting the words just tumble out. “I’m so sorry I left, I’ve been so miserable this whole year and I just missed you so much and I regret everything I never should have left at all.” she paused for a deep breath. “Would you mind if I stay?” She could barely finish her question before he was pulling her in close, threading a hand through her hair and wrapping the other around her waist, and kissing her like there was nothing else he could ever need but this. He pulled back gently and rested his forehead against hers. “Is that a yes?” She asked, breathlessly. “What? And have waited for you all this time for nothing? Course I wouldn’t mind, Sugar.” He whispered before pulling her in for another kiss, slow, lazy this time, for he had no reason to rush, she had no other place to be, and they had nothing but time.

[foggyfanfic]

Love and Fury

Chapter Preview: A lot of hands went up, then out of the corner of her eye she saw Señor Gutierrez raise his hand, she turned to stare at him. The rest of the village followed her gaze, and slowly every other hand sank until Señor Gutierrez was the only person with their hand raised.

CH 1 Prev Next Master List

33. ...Tribulations

“Alright, we have heard from all witnesses and each of Cicero’s victims, it is time for us to make our decision,” Alma said, standing at the table now placed front and center of the church, “will we allow this man to remain in our village.”

The whole village began talking at once and Alma tapped her gavel a few times to cut through the noise. It wasn’t often the people of Encanto went through this, so she could forgive them for being a bit disorderly, but the fact remained they would get nothing done if they talked over eachother.

“One at a time, we will hear arguments both for and against banishing Cicero, I assure you, but we must do this in an orderly fashion.”

It was like the whole village took one collective breath, and released it as a communal sigh. She looked over the crowd, debating who to give the floor to first. After his outburst, Señor Gutierrez had made Cicero stay home. Similarly, Cicero’s victims had already cast their votes and, with the exception of Pepa, were avoiding the trial.

Pepa sat next to Félix, who had Felípe on his other side. Alma pursed her lips. Everybody already knew how Felípe felt, he wouldn’t bring up anything they hadn’t heard him say down at the cantina. Then again, it was hard to find an argument more convincing than “I don’t trust him not to hurt my future wife and baby.” It would be best to end with that.

Padré raised his finger, and she fought the urge to scowl, she couldn’t ignore people who wished to speak just because she thought they would argue on Cicero’s side, but if this self-righteous boy who had the nerve to call himself a priest said anything about forgiving Cicero, after the sermon he’d given damning Rosalie, Alma just might shove her gavel up his ass.

She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and reminded herself she was a community leader now. She no longer had the luxury of thinking such things.

“Yes Padré? You have the floor.”

“Gracias Señora,” Padré stood, he took a deep breath then looked around at his congregation, “when Señora Rosalie was first found, I gave a sermon on the dangers of alcohol and sex. A sermon I have come to deeply regret.”

He paused as people muttered quietly, apparently marshaling his thoughts.

“It was easier to assume that Rosalie had simply over-imbibed and was trying to save face by pretending to have been taken advantage of, it was less scary than believing her,” Padré continued, “None of us wanted to believe that somebody in our village could be capable of true cruelty. We still don’t, it is still quite tempting to hide behind the fiction that what Cicero has done to Rosalie wasn’t quite that bad. He barely bruised her, after all. And he couldn’t have predicted that her parents would abandon her, surely he didn’t mean to do as much harm as he did.”

A few people were nodding, and if she wasn’t currently acting as a village leader, Alma would have given each of them the stink eye. As it was, she did her best to ignore those who apparently held the opinion that Padré was describing. Instead, when Padré looked at her, she gave him one quiet nod in order to encourage him.

“I was only six when this village was founded, I don’t truly remember what it is like to live without the protection of the miracle. I don’t truly know what it is to fear that men may come and pillage our village, raze our crops, and savage our women,” he paused, “and I don’t want to. I am quite happy to live in a world where women need not fear walking home at night, where might doesn’t make right, where we each treat each other with the grace and compassion that God intended.”

Alma glanced at Señor Gutierrez, then did a double take, his face was crumpled with the effort to hold back tears. She gulped, feeling a split second of sympathy for the man. How must it feel to know your own son has desecrated paradise?

“Ignoring the horror, the cruelty, of what Cicero has done may feel safer, but it does nothing to protect you. We have received a blessing from God, a little pocket of peace and security, our very own Garden of Eden,” Padré held his hands out, palm up, as if begging the villagers to listen to him, “is it not our job to maintain this paradise? To tend to the garden? To keep it safe, protect it as it has protected us? I vote to banish Cicero, for the good of our community, and I implore each of you to do the same.”

Padré sat and Alma clenched her fists to keep from applauding. She took a deep breath to keep the smile off her face as she stood and straightened her skirt.

“Very well put Padré, thank you for those words, who wishes to speak next,” she asked, examining the hands that immediately went up, eventually she chose that of Juan, who worked in the coffee orchard, “what do you have to say, Señor?”

Juan stood, nodding his thanks at her before turning his gaze to the other villagers, “Padré is right, we do live in a paradise. I was also a child when we came to this place, and I neither know nor wish to know the depths of human cruelty. But that is exactly what it’ll be if we kick Cicero out of the only home he’s ever known, cruelty.”

Alma sighed through her nose but otherwise made no indication of her displeasure. She braced herself to hear a lot of stuff she didn’t agree with.

“I’m not arguing that what Cicero did was alright, by all means, I think he needs to face some sort of justice. But exile?! You want to rip the guy away from his friends, his home, his future? His son?”

A few people grumbled angrily at that last point, but nobody interrupted.

“What he did was bad, but it’s not like he killed somebody. And now that we know about it, we can protect the women from him. We don’t need to exile him in order to keep our village safe,” Juan scoffed at the idea, “Encanto hasn’t come as far as it has by turning our back on our own. We are a community of people who love and care about each other, and sometimes loving somebody means turning the other cheek. If we exile Cicero for this, what will be next? Will we exile everybody who has sex out of wedlock? That’s half the town!”

One of the women in the crowd started to say something, only to get shushed by her husband. She gave her husband a shocked look then her face twisted with rage, Alma strongly suspected she had just seen the end of a marriage.

“Again, I ain’t saying we let the guy off the hook, I just think exile is a bit too extreme of a punishment. He made one mistake, why would we ruin his entire life over it?” That said, Juan sat back down, a lot of people began talking at once. Alma banged her gavel until the village quieted back down.

“One at a time, remember, one at a time,” she insisted, then took a few deep breaths as the crowd fully settled, “who is next?”

“That’d be me,” the woman who had been shushed rocketed to her feet, swatting at her husband’s hands when he tried to pull her back down, “hola, in case we haven’t met, I am Lucia. Lovely to be here, truly, I can think of no better way to spend my evening than listening to the bullshit we just heard.”

Her husband groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“One mistake!? He made one mistake?” Lucia directed her argument at Juan, “So he mistakenly slipped a drug in Rosalie’s drink, then he mistakenly left the party and waited for her to do the same, then he mistakenly dragged her into her parent’s barn, and mistakenly took her clothes off. Then by complete accident he had sex with her while she was unconscious. Is that what you’re suggesting?”

Juan tried to say something, but she barreled over him.

“And then! And then he mistakenly slipped the same drug into three other women's drinks over the course of a year. Not to mention how he mistakenly slipped something in Leandra’s drink, dragged her into an alley and mistakenly pinned her against a wall while he undid his belt. That’s your argument?”

Juan glared mulishly up at her, face red. Hopefully he was now aware of how ridiculous he’d sounded.

“He did not make a mistake. Cicero got told ‘no’ one time and went on a rampage. That’s deranged, and dangerous, and not the sort of behavior I want in my community. Not only do I vote to kick him out, if we had a giant catapult we could use I’d load him into it myself,” she finished with a nod, then walked away from her husband, sitting in another pew and crossing her arms.

Whispering started up, as far as Alma could tell, it was mostly about the state of Lucia’s marriage.

“Indeed, thank you Lucia,” Alma reclaimed the village’s attention, “who would like to-, sí Señora? What do you think?”

An elderly woman stood, leaning her weight on her cane.

“I think we are glossing over the most important issue, Cicero’s son. While the way little Julio was brought into this world is most unfortunate, Señorita Rosalie herself has said that he is just an innocent babe. He doesn’t deserve to be punished for the sins of his father, and quite frankly, every child needs their parents. Both parents,” the elderly woman said, apparently not feeling the need to introduce herself, “Cicero must face justice, but more importantly, the child needs a father. I feel we should find a solution that fulfills both requirements.”

A few people nodded as the woman eased herself back onto the pew, Alma opened her mouth to ask for who was next, but didn’t get the chance as Felípe shot to his feet, looking for all the world like he might punch an old lady.

“Julio is not without a father, I am his father, and quite frankly I don’t want somebody as vindictive as Cicero around my son,” Felípe all but shouted, “Rosalie turned Cicero down and he took it as an excuse not just to hurt her, but multiple innocent bystanders. And you want that guy to raise a child? You want to let him raise my child? Absolutely not!”

“He’s not your chil-.” The woman tried to say.

“Like hell he ain’t,” Felípe scoffed, “who do you think bought his crib?! His first blanket and clothes? Rosalie has barely felt safe being alone with me but that didn’t stop me from caring about her or our kid. After her parents kicked her out she needed help, so I did whatever I could. I’ve changed his diapers, I’ve bought any medicine Rosalie couldn’t afford, I’ve read and sang him to sleep. You want to tell me he’s not my son?! You want to give credit to Cicero?”

Felípe paused but the woman didn’t fill the silence.

“Cicero hasn’t done a damn thing to help Rosalie with her pregnancy or care for that boy. Oh sure! He offered! But only if Rosalie agreed to marry him, because she refused, he wiped his hands of the kid. Cicero may have sired the boy, but he ain’t the boy’s Pá, I am. And it will be a cold day in hell before I allow somebody that dangerous around my son.”

With his piece said, Felípe sat. Alma waited a beat to see if anyone else would shoot to their feet, then cleared her throat, “Anyone else?”

Señor Matisse raised his hand, then stood when she nodded, “Just to be clear, I will be voting to exile Cicero, but only because we don’t have a system in place to handle something like this. Juan raises a valid point, what Cicero has done is wrong, but I’m not convinced that exiling him is the best answer. And while Julio is not without a loving father, what if this happens again and the babe does not have a trustworthy backup waiting in the wings?”

Alma pursed her lips, the baker was raising some good points. 

“Cicero has proven he’ll commit the same crime again and again, no matter what sort of consequences his victims face, so exile may be our only option, but let’s not fool ourselves. By banishing Cicero from Encanto we are not stopping him from raping innocent women, we are just making sure he does it somewhere else,” Matisse paused sighing deeply, “maybe this isn’t the time to ask all these questions, but it bears thinking about, don’t it? Is banishing the guy really the best way to handle a violent crime?”

Out of the corner of her eye Alma saw a cloud form over Pepa’s head. Thankfully, Pepa stood and left the church before the cloud could turn into a full storm. Some people glanced at her, but the rain falling on her head was all the excuse she needed to leave.

“What? You think we should build a prison?” another man asked, scoffing a little, “Just for one guy?”

Matisse shrugged, “I don’t know. I don’t want that guy roaming free around my kids, but it just doesn’t sit right to kick him out, especially since he’ll likely do the same thing wherever he ends up.”

A few people mumbled, others nodded. Alma allowed the low hubbub to dominate the room for a few minutes, it was an important discussion and one she had been trying not to think about through this whole process.

She was very aware that banishing Cicero just meant sending him somewhere people didn’t know what danger he posed.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, there was nothing she could do about that, her duty was to Encanto. These people were trusting her and her familia to protect them, she had to put them first. When Alma opened her eyes, she lightly tapped the gavel on the table and the discussion died down. As usual, everybody turned to her with expectant eyes, so she steeled herself.

“You are right Señor, there is a very important conversation to be had about our justice system. However, for now we must work with what we’ve got. Is there anything else?”

A lot of hands went up, then out of the corner of her eye she saw Señor Gutierrez raise his hand, she turned to stare at him. The rest of the village followed her gaze, and slowly every other hand sank until Señor Gutierrez was the only person with their hand raised.

“Sí?” she asked.

He stood, and started with a deep sigh, “I-. I do not have a good argument to defend my son. I know what he’s done is… unforgivable.”

Gutierrez stopped talking, his head hanging low. The whole room held their breath, watching him, waiting.

The silence stretched uncomfortably long. If it weren’t for the fact that he were still standing, Alma would have tapped her gavel and asked who was next.

“Por favor, let mijo stay,” Gutierrez eventually breathed, “I know-. Let him stay, I will watch him, I won’t let him leave the winery, he’ll spend the rest of his life doing community service, just please. Don’t send my boy away.”

A tear, then another, escaped from his eyes. His voice creaked over every other word. His hands shook, his shoulders bowed, and he couldn’t meet anyone’s eyes.

He was begging.

Alma gulped, her voice came out gentler than she’d intended when she spoke, “You have known this entire time what he had done to Rosalie, you have known he tried again, and yet you didn’t stop him from drugging Señorita Lopez. Why should we trust you to keep him contained going forward?”

“Leandra baited him into-.”

“She handed him a drink while she went to the bathroom,” Alma cut him off, feeling so tired all of a sudden, “she didn’t make him drug her, she didn’t imply she would sleep with him then revoke the offer, she barely even flirted with him. She just handed him her drink, that was all it took. That was the entirety of the trap she set.”

Señor Gutierrez frowned, but she could see in his face that he knew she was right. Cicero didn’t need to be baited into attacking women, he just needed an opportunity.

In the back corner of the room, Agustín stood, “Disculpe, but… what guarantee can you give us that Cicero won’t sneak away and retaliate on Leandra, Félix, Rosalie, or even one of the Madrigals? Are you going to keep him locked inside?”

Señor Gutierrez’s mouth flapped for a second, he slowly shook his head, eyes wide and lifeless.

For a second, Alma wished she could show mercy if only for his sake. Señor Gutierrez had always been a good man, a loyal one. He was hardworking, kind, responsible, and most of all, a doting father and husband. He did not deserve any of this.

Sadly, however, he was choosing his son over the rest of the village. It was an understandable choice, one Alma might make herself if she couldn’t keep the village’s fear of Bruno from turning to resentment, but that changed nothing.

“Señor, Cicero is a danger to others. He has demonstrated a vindictiveness that almost ruined a young woman’s life, simply because she loved another,” Alma said, not without sympathy, “And now… well we have all seen how enraged he is by Leandra, and everybody else who helped to investigate him. If there were some other way to protect this village from him, I would be happy to discuss it, but… there isn’t.”

For a second the church was silent as they watched Señor Gutierrez crumble. Then, Julietta whispered to Agustín, quiet enough that you wouldn’t usually be able to hear it in the crowded church. But thanks to the silence, the whispered statement carried over the crowd, striking Señor Gutierrez across his face.

“If he really loves his son he’ll take him and run. From what Bruno said, Cicero will probably get murdered if he stays.”

Gutierrez turned and gaped at Julieta, who suddenly found herself to be the center of attention. For a split second she looked embarrassed, then she took a deep breath and stood.

“You heard Bruno’s prophecy, none of us are going to trust him after this. Those of you arguing on Cicero’s behalf? If your daughter or sister or wife comes to you and says she’s been raped and she doesn’t know who did it, who’s gonna be your number one suspect?”

Next to her, Félix started nodding, while others exchanged glances. Nobody disagreed with her.

“We’re sitting here debating whether or not we’ll be safe if he stays, but, well, maybe you should be asking yourself if he’ll be safe,” she continued, “I-I won’t heal him, not just because I hate him for what he tried to do to my sister, but because I don’t feel safe going anywhere near him.”

“We won’t sell to him, or you for that matter, we got cousins to worry about,” Félix said, after exchanging a glance with Felípe and their mother.

“Neither will I,” Señor Matisse admitted, “even if he stays, I won’t want him anywhere near my bakery. That’s where my kids are.”

“I won’t carry your wine if he stays,” Señora Moreno, the owner of Encanto’s finest restaurant said, almost apologetically, “I just-, I don’t think people will buy it after this. I’m already struggling to sell what we have.”

There were a few murmurs of agreement.

Señor Gutierrez sank to the pew, lips pursed and eyes a thousand yards away. 

Alma sighed through her nose, she looked around at the rest of the room, waiting for somebody else to put up their hand. Nobody did, most sat there looking contemplative. Whatever arguments people had been about to make before Señor Gutierrez and Julieta spoke, they were silent now.

Just in case, she asked, “Anyone else?”

The silence rang loud and clear.

“Very well, you have until tomorrow evening when the market closes to cast your vote. The ballot box will remain here in the church, as well as the ballots and some pens. Would anyone like to volunteer to guard the box from tampering? There will be six shifts, lasting four hours. I want two guards each, three alternates just in case, for a total of-. Felipe, thank you, but I would prefer if the volunteers were people who are less biased.”

Felipe slowly put his hand down, frowning, and Felix gently patted his back. Meanwhile, Alma chose fifteen volunteers and asked them to stand with her at the front of the church.

“Everybody else, you may go. We will count the votes tomorrow evening, and should have the results by the next afternoon,” Alma turned to look at Señor Gutierrez, “I will tell you and your family first, señor, then I will announce it to the rest of the village.”

Señor Gutierrez nodded stiffly, standing back up and shuffling out of the church. The village waited long enough to watch him go and gossip about how far he’d fallen, then slowly trickled out onto the streets. Alma wished she could hate him the way she hated his son, it would make watching his world fall to pieces so much easier to bear.

She shook her head and turned to her fifteen volunteers. Alma no longer had the luxury of wallowing in sympathy and sentiment. She needed to focus on making sure this vote went smoothly.

[polar-bears-making-pancakes]

Sooo.. what did you think of the show? How was it? (Only if you want to share of course!!)

Soooo it's gonna be messy because I'm still reeling from 24 hours without sleep and then 4 hours of sleep during the day and I'm not very good at processing what happened aldkfj

First of all I'm so happy and thankful for all the people who I met up with. They are the best and I had the an absolute blast. I don't know if it's a phannie specific occurrence when you meet people from the internet but we were all on so very similar wave lengths and we talked for hours about fascinating topics and of course dnp. I felt so safe with them and I could talk about basically everything. So thank you so much Kate, Katie, Magda, Jana and Jo <333 you are the best

About the show on its own .. hmm it was definitely a budget version. I'm so sad we didn't get the rainbow lights, the eclipse light and the cubes :( The venue looks godawful from the outside, and you have ultrasound and tile shop in the same building but the inside was quite hipstery and not as bad. Very postcommunistic tho. Also the church, cemetery and closed mall just outside gave very specific vibe to it aksjdjhf I got the cheapest ticket so I didn't have meetngreet but it still felt surreal to be in the same room as Dan. I sat quite far to the back but at the isle so I had not the worst view. Seeing him on stage didn't feel real, I felt like I was watching a video with a room full of rowdy queers. And even if in Poland we weren't really meeting new people and mingling socially amongst the separate groups, sitting in the audience still felt like being a part of some bigger thing. What irritated me were the bar lights that were on the whole duration of the show and kinda ruined the immersion. Also I was cold. About the show's content: wow Dan sings really good, I loved looking at him enjoying himself so much on the stage, this really was his passion project and I felt like he did it mostly for himself but also wanted to give us a good message too. I think I enjoyed the most the part with sending to hell jk rowling, jeff bezos and putin (the scream for him was the loudest :')) and sparing tony the tiger because tigers and endangered. Polish specific madlips were also very good. Bubbles? It was weird hearing it in zloties. And my friends in the front row get soaked. Also daaan we don't have student's depts here?? The unis are free. As a lot of people said before he was really careful about the communist part because he underlined that NOT like soviet russia but like Denmark he said I think? I was very focused on every word he said and was listening to him carefully but I don't remember that. In the calendar part, I'm so happy they have their take away fries days on saturdays 🥹 the time he most constantly feel the most content... And the most important part.. the monologue at the end. The second part of the show was shorter, wasn't it? Because it ended so fast for me. I didn't cry because I'm absolutely emotionally disconnected and can't feel much of anything. But I love him so much. I was looking at him and trying really hard to telepathically convey to him how much he is loved here. The hopeful message is so important to me. It gets better. And we can help someone. We should reach out. We can't give up because even my stupid reblogging of some posts might be the one thing that saves someone. Very interesting to think about virtue signaling in this context as he was saying. I loved when people started cheering after he said he's gay and he was like wow took you so long of the show to realise this akdjdbbfjf and yeah I loved the gay jokes and him smacking his butt multiple times. I was wondering how many people were there randomly because something gay was happening and how many people only vaguely knew who he was and watched him only a bit in the past. Because there was so many references and when he shows bits of his old videos? I wonder what thoughts they had. And the worst part is that he fucking sneaked out so fast before we left the building :((( we waited for him after because we didn't believe when someone said to us that he left already. And I had the train back at 4 am so I didn't have much else to do. Absolutely don't recommend warszawa centralna train station during the night. I'm so glad I wasn't alone. Dan also said fuck Warsaw I don't want to spend any additional minute here bye. Hope he has fun in Helsinki.

Overall I'm proud of myself that I did go even if I'm often scared to leave my house at all. Warsaw show felt a bit like a bastard show added later on with very cut expanses. But I'm glad he went here and I'm so happy I saw him. Hopefully I don't fali my exam because of it

[thinkaboutmeff7au]

flash time 112

(1992.)

This church isn’t like the one back home, but it’s just as run-down. Mid-afternoon on a Thursday means there’s barely anyone here, but I can see a few people gathering in the pews. These doors are always open...something I found out when I had to drag Gen somewhere after his 3rd class celebratory bender.

There’s a confessional booth, but it doesn’t look like it’s being manned. I don’t care. I shut the door behind me and sit with a sigh.

“Sorry, I...” I start. “It’s okay. I don’t care if no one hears it, I just...”

I stare at the scuffed wood in front of me, wonder how many others have sat where I have. Confessed any amount of...well, anything.

I clear my throat again. “My best friend and I, we’ve been together like glue since we were in high school. We’ve been through a lot of sh--I mean, crap together...” Better not swear in front of the priest. Or God. Or whoever. “And like...he’s one of the only friends I’ve got.

“Now though...well, we’re both, er, we’re both in SOLDIER, and he’s got someone new he’s really...really fond of. It’s not like a girlfriend or something. He doesn’t date girls.” My heart stops. “F-forget I said that. He’s just eccentric. And there’s someone new in his life, and they spend all their time together now. They’re on missions together, they hang out together...”

I sigh. “I just wish we could hang out like we used to again.”

The truth is, I’m jealous. I know Gen was obsessed with me too, in a way that wasn’t healthy at all. Especially when he kept trying to make a move on me when I told him no. So him having someone else to put that...energy towards should be a good thing in theory.

But we’re still friends. He’s still my best friend. So why--

“Wow, that’s sad--”

“Ahh!” I yelp, jerking back and shaking the booth. It’s a young girl’s voice from the other side of the wooden mesh. What the hell?! Someone was actually listening?!

She pulls it open with her chin in both hands. “Sorry Mister SOLDIER, I didn’t mean to scare you,” she says.

She has bushy brown hair with huge green eyes. She can’t be more than...well, she’s probably older than she looks. At least in high school herself.

“Sure, well...” I didn’t really want to put a face to this, let alone some random girl... “I’m gonna get going then...”

“Hey, wait! Maybe I can help!” she says, waving one hand. “Like, uh...what did you guys used to do together in school? To hang out?”

“Well, we were in jazz band together...”

“Maybe you can start doing that again!” She becomes animated. “Ooh, what instrument do you play?”

I don’t think she’s trying to come onto me. It’s happened to me before--especially with teenage girls. No, I think she’s genuinely excited. “I play drums. My friend plays bass.”

“See! Easy. You just start a band!” She is quite proud of herself. “Problem solved!”

I can’t help but laugh...what a strange kid. Still, it isn’t a bad idea. Gen always talked about getting a band together. Didn’t he say Seph played guitar? Wonder if he would be willing...

That way the three of us could hang out, without it being a work thing. I’ll never forget our tour with the three of us...but who knows when that’ll happen again.

I turn toward her with a nod. “You know what? You might be right,” I say. “If anyone asks for me, I wasn’t here.”

“Sure thing! But I don’t even know your name.”

“All the better.”

I step out, stretching a bit--those booths are so cramped. They’re not made for Banora men. To my surprise, the girl comes out too, running over. She’s wearing overalls and a pink t-shirt, her transparent pink jelly sandals squeaking with every step.

“Hey, one more thing,” she says. “Do you know those guys in the suits?”

“You mean the Turks?”

“Yeah. There’s a guy with red hair I keep seeing hanging around. Can you tell him to leave me alone? I can take care of myself!”

Oh God, is this girl under Turk surveillance? I don’t need to get wrapped up in that. Time to go. I’m 99% sure she’s talking about Reno, though, so... “I’ll pass on the message,” I say.

(A.H.)

epilogue:

(1997.)

He’s eating today, so that’s good. Zack is still out of the loop, but Genesis is over every evening. I feel like I need to keep an eye on him for Zack’s sake...in exchange for keeping him in the dark.

“Hey, you know something,” Angeal says suddenly, his voice croaking. He clears his throat before he continues. “I just remembered...you and I had a run in before, a few years ago, before you and Zack got together.”

I blink. “Huh?”

“You were here at the church, and I was...” He smiles and shakes his head. “I was getting some shit off my chest about Gen. My mom had died, so I didn’t have anyone else to talk to about it. So I came here. And there you were.”

I roll through my memory. Here at the church...so it would’ve had to have been after Mom disappeared, after I was on the street...I snap my fingers. “Oh! Oh yeah! Mister SOLDIER!”

His smile is warm. “Thanks for that, by the way. Your little idea was pretty brilliant. It brought us together.”

“God, I barely remember that. I was going through a lot myself,” I reply. It was after I started living at the church, and only just getting used to three meals a day again.

“We all were,” he says. “Everyone is, all the time.”

His smile fades, and mine does too. Strange how these things work out.

(A.G.)

[sketchbook-of-shadows]

posting this here but it's mostly setting the scene for the time being. maybe this'll help me get my ass on working on chapter 2 more

Point:Paimos

Chapter 1: Faith

1917 words, ~10 minutes read

The rain was pelting down on the rough concrete below. Erina loosely held her umbrella above her head, as she sat on a bench, waiting outside of the Church for her parents, idly twisting and twirling the handle of the umbrella in her hands. Flocks of families exited the church, many pulling up their jacket hoods or putting up their umbrellas before either returning to their cars or walking down either end of the street. She looked down and bounced her legs beneath her off-white puffy dress, which contrasted with her rich, melanated skin. A voice awoke her from her stare into the distance.

"Erina,"

Erina looked up to see her father looking down at her, standing just outside the entrance to the church. Despite not going far, her father seemed to be sweating ever so slightly, clutching his rosary tightly against his chest.

"your mother told me to let you know that she and I will be having a short meeting with some of the pastors. They want to talk about the possibility of the winery producing some custom wines to use for their sermons, remember the sample bottles we bought with us from our wine cellar?"

Erina nodded her head silently in response, glancing over at her parent's vineyard in the distance down the street behind her father.

"We'll only be gone for around an hour, maybe two or three hours at the most. Here are the keys, we won't be too long. Your mom has her keys with her, so don't worry about having to let us in. There should be money in the lockbox underneath the sink if you feel like ordering in some food. There's quite a bit of money in there, so don't go spending it all in one go."

Her father gently threw the house keys to Erina, and they landed in her lap.

"Okay," Erina stood up to kiss her father on the cheek goodbye, "Thanks, dad.  Love you, see you later."

She waved to him whilst walking away.

"See you later, alligator." Her father responded with a playful grin.

His kind and gentle face began to contort as his lips began to tremble and a tear fell down his cheek, watching his daughter depart in the distance. A completely veiled nun appeared from behind him and tapped on his shoulder to lure him back into the church, glancing behind him as he walked back into the church as tears began to flee from his tear-ducts.

Erina returned to her house, unlocking the front door and retiring her umbrella to the pot of umbrellas in the corner against the wall. She kicked off her shoes, settinf them on the floor in the hallway and retreated upstairs to her bedroom. There, she changed into a red sweater with a butterfly design embedded into the centre of the garment, black leggings, and fluffy black socks. She sat on her bed, pulled out her laptop adorned with butterfly stickers, and began to finish the last of her homework assignments.

By 10 pm that night after Erina had finished all of her coursework and her regular chores, she noticed that her parents had not returned, nor had they contacted her mobile phone. No calls, no texts, nothing.

"Maybe they're just busy overnight in the vineyard with the wines and forgot to let me know. It happens more nights than I'd like. They'll be back by tomorrow morning if anything, but they'll probably stay through to the afternoon in the vineyard." Erina comforted herself with that thought.

She retrieved her pyjamas and underwear from her walk-in closet and began to make her way to the en-suite that was connected to her bedroom. She showered and donned her royal blue silk bonnet before retiring to the comfort of her warm bed, the pattering of the rain on her window lulled her to sleep.

–

Monday morning came and went, as did the drag of the school day. The sky was still a murky grey from the Sunday rain, and puddles remained in the depressions of the cement sidewalk. Erina sat on the short stone wall outside of the desolate Rynden Post-Primary Education Centre, awaiting her friend Ashley. Her knees rapidly bounced beneath her heavy boot-cut jeans, trembling slightly under the bite of the cold wind that wisped through the town. She glanced around the eerily quiet space, the wind whistling around her head as she diverted her gaze from the empty footpaths to the empty parking spaces, to missing person posters that tumbled like tumbleweeds along the road and footpath.

The main doors of the entrance to the Centre burst open.

"Hey 'Rina!!" Ashley beamed and jogged over to Erina, engulfing her in a tight embrace,

"Sorry it took so long, Mrs. Daught took forever critiquing my assignment from last week. At least she didn't do it in front of everyone and humiliate me, but I wouldn't put it past her to do it, the old crone."

Ashley had been Erina's best friend and partner-in-crime her whole life, they went to Primary school together and lived on the same street. Erina scoffed, released herself from Ashley's constricting embrace and stood up to leave.

"Let's just go, we'll do some work at my place. My parents should be back by now anyways, I think they spent the night at the vineyard again. My dad said that they had to have a meeting with some of the pastors from the church about some 'custom wines' so they were probably getting ahead of the workload there." Erina posited, walking down the footpath with Ashley.

"I hope by 'work' you mean that we get shitfaced from the wine your parents keep in the cellar because the Pinot Noirs are just DELECTABLE!" Ashley exclaimed and blew a chef's kiss.

"Ha ha, very funny," Erina said, sarcastically, "no, we'll just get some work done over a split bottle, no getting shitfaced on a Monday night. Friday? Yes, but Monday? Nahh. Have some decorum!" she jested.

Ashley cackled and swung her arm around Erina's shoulder as they continued their path to Erina's house, kicking and stepping on the loose missing person posters that littered the footpaths tumbling around her feet.

–

Erina swung open her front door, "Mom!? Dad!? Are you home yet!?" she bellowed into the house. Only her voice echoed back to her.

The two girls entered the hallway, retired their shoes to the shoe rack, and walked through the entrance adjacent to the front door that lead to the dining room, setting their required equipment onto the dining room table.

"Hold on, I'm gonna go check their bedroom, they might be asleep," Erina said and took off up the stairs before Ashley could acknowledge what she said. Erina knocked on the door to her parent's bedroom, waiting a few seconds before entering quietly. The room was as her parents left it, a neatly made queen-sized bed stood across from the balcony doors. The door to the master bathroom was still ajar and empty. Her mother's crimson silk bonnet sat undisturbed at her marble vanity, her makeup disorganised from the last application, and her silk robe hung on a hook on the door of the master bathroom.

Erina felt as if all of her organs fell to the bottom of her torso all at once, and a lump announced its presence in her throat. She approached the bed, which was neatly dressed in cream satin sheets, and sat down on it, composing herself with deep breaths. Ashley had made her way up the stairs, curious as to what the silence and the absence of Erina were.

"They're not here, are they?", Ashley inquired solemnly as Erina lifted her head to face her and gently shook her head. Ashley stood at the top of the staircase, her arm on the bannister.

"I should call the church, they were last there. If not, I'll try the vineyard's number." Erina proposed. Ashley held out her arm, motioning for Erina to join her back downstairs. Erina followed Ashley downstairs and made her way to the landline that rested on the wall next to the umbrella box in the hallway. She input the number and waited for the line to connect.

"Why do you have to call the church through the landline?", Ashley queried,

"I'm not sure, my mom always said that the church doesn't accept calls from mobile devices. Something about modern technology messing up their landlines-", Erina interrupted herself as the call was picked up,

"Oh hi, it's Erina Collins, I'm Marsha and John's daughter, you know- the vintners?", she paused,

"Yeah I'm just calling to ask if anyone's seen them after they left the meeting yesterday, they still haven't come home.", she paused once more before responding,

"Okay, I'll call the vineyard, just wanted to know if someone's seen them yesterday after they left. Thanks anyway."

She hung the phone back on the landline box and turned to Ashley.

"No luck, I'll try the vineyard."

"They'll have to be there at least. Were your parents answering any of your calls last night?" Ashley asked.

"Just straight to voicemail every time."

Erina and Ashley walked back into the dining room where they sat at the dining room table, and Erina retrieved her mobile phone from the bottom of her bag. She dialled the vineyard's public number, set it to speakerphone and set the phone on the table in front of herself and Ashley. It rang for a few seconds before being picked up.

"Good evening, this is Collins Vineyard and Winery, how can I help you today?", a dead-inside cheery customer service voice answered.

"Hi, I'm Erina Collins- Marsha and John's daughter. Are they there?"

"I'm sorry love, I'm afraid they're not. They haven't been around since Saturday and haven't picked up any of our calls. Are they not at home?"

"No, they're not, that's why I called to see if they were there. Could you let me know on this number if they show up at all, please?"

"Of course love, let us know if you see them around too. Uhm, and if they don't turn up soon, just know that the winery and the vineyard are under good management, the business will continue as usual so you won't have to worry bout much on the business end unless they're gone for a long time."

"I understand. Thank you anyways."

"No worries, love"

The phone clicked, hanging up the call. Erina's legs had been vigorously bouncing up and down underneath the table throughout the call. Ashley placed her hand over Erina's laid half-closed fist under the table and began to caress her knuckles with her thumb.

"It'll be okay, 'Rina," she whispered.

Erina sat hunched over the table, her hand holding up her jaw as tears fought their way out from her glossy eyes and her lips began quivering.

"What do I do now? I can't- I can't think of anything else to do.", Her voice cracked as her palms clasped around her face, tears sliding down the outer edges of her hands.

"We should file a missing person's report of your parents.", Ashley stood up and gently ran her hand around Erina's back, taking her place in the chair next to her.

A shaky, "Uh huh." was all that was heard from Erina.

"Let's just relax for a bit before actually filing it. I'll make us some tea." Ashley walked over to the open kitchen space that was behind Erina and set the kettle on to boil.

[stardust-in-my-mind-blog]

my first kiss

since I was a mean ol' twister today

my daughter and I decided to drive for a bit in the night

she picks the music and we sing together

tonight I was a little ranty and I try not to do that

but she giggled and told me she likes the drama

especially since she's not the one in trouble

she also mentioned something about not wanting to date

anyone until she's around fifteen and I smiled

and told her that as long as she was safe I'd listen

to what she wanted and if that's what she thinks

I'm not going to tell her she's wrong because I can't

she also said that she hates holding boys' hands

because they are always dirty and crusty and dusty

so I asked her if she wanted to hear about my first kiss

and she smiled and said yes and one thing about getting triggered

on three dimensions of emotion is that my memories are so clear

and this one was set in seventh grade and I was thirteen

there was a boy I had liked forever who flirted with me at the pool

ironically his name was chris reef and sometimes I just went

to church so that I could see him even though I told my parents

that it was all for my religion but church was actually quite boring

in the autumn of seventh grade we'd gone to a party after a game

and ended up waiting on the same bench for our parents to come

and I still remember the awkward conversation because I was

painfully awkward and shy back then which still shows up now

and he did this thing where he let his hand slowly crawl over mine

one finger at a time first over my knuckles and then took my palm

in his while we both stared intensely at the floor in front of us

we sat there in silence for ten minutes and I still remember

all the feelings I had when I stared at the ceiling in bed that night

it was the most romantic thing that had ever happened to me

and we never mentioned it or talked about it again

so come spring there was this church sleepover thing

and the two of us danced around things for quite awhile

I wonder if the awkward flirting was painful for people around us

but somehow he got me cornered in some dark corner somewhere

outside and I glanced up at the stars and thought of casper

because as a kid he'd always been one of my fictional crushes

and chris reef asked me if I'd ever been kissed before

he had freckles and really cute eyes and was totally a schemer

and he was weird like me so likely neurodivergent

and I remember being so excited and also overwhelmed by

all the daydreams and feelings a little girl has about being kissed

I told myself to close my eyes when he leaned in

and I remember his breath being less fragrant than one hopes for

but mine was likely the same so it was fair

I remember how weird his lips felt and how it was really

different than anything I'd read in my grandmother's collection

of absolutely smutty romance novels now that I think about it

and I remember feeling his lips part and his tongue lightly

touch one of my lips and I promptly put my hands

on his chest and pushed him bodily away and then ran

as fast as my little legs could go back into the building

and we never really talked about that ever again either

[ireceived-p8250000]

July 21-27, 2013

Sunday, July 21

Started my shift at 10, but first, I had breakfast at Hill Station Café and enjoyed my time there. Business was slow today. Justin came by the shop, and we talked about the reporting. I gave him the copies.

Monday, July 22

Had a long quiz for Chemistry.

In PE4 Volleyball, I teamed up with Hollmae, and I realized how much I suck at it.

During lectures, Mansoor and I sat at the front because of my myopia.

"Are you two a couple?" Ma'am Mylene asked.

We both shook our heads, but our blockmates insisted we were a pair. We denied it.

I started thinking about what it would be like if we became a couple. I had an agreement with Djang and the girls that I'd pay ₱700 if we became a couple within the year of the agreement, which expires next year on March 27.

I stayed in school for our org meetings. We have a seminar to attend on Saturday and discussed the shirts, which will be ready at the beginning of August. We also talked about volunteer activities and the soiree, which will be in the second trimester. Samuel and I discussed the reporting.

Later, I talked to Mansoor, but Hollmae came along, reminding me of our plan to go to the church thingy. I went with her, and Mansoor picked me up at 9.

"I was wondering, do you still want to be in a relationship?" I asked him.

He was quite shocked. "Oo, if it's okay."

"Yeah, me too. Pero ano--I had this stupid agreement with Djang and the girls. I would pay ₱700 if we became a couple within the year of agreement."

"Kailan expiration?"

"Next year, March 27 ata. We have to hide it till then."

"Hmm sige. Kaya pa itago yan. Let's just deny kasi you agreed eh."

"Eh, I didn't expect eh, I thought we will change our minds."

"So does this mean we are in cahoots in a romantic relationship?"

"In cahoots, really?"

"So ano?"

"Oo. We are officially entering a social contract. You will be my boyfriend, and I'll be your girlfriend."

"Let's shake on it?"

We shook hands and hugged.

"Should I kiss you?"

"Maybe not yet. Sa cheeks okay lang."

So that's it. I have a boyfriend now. We are in a secret relationship due to that stupid agreement.

We stayed in Starbucks for a long time.

"Ano terms of endearment natin?"

"Just our names. Baka ma-spill pa eh."

"Sabagay. What about the physical thing?"

"Buddy, we are not doing that yet."

"No, not that. Holding hands, kissing. Maybe in our own privacy we can hold hands. We can kiss but yeah we should be hiding like sa dark."

"It's like we're having an affair." He laughed.

"Wouldn't it be better that way? If everyone knows, God, they are going to expect a lot. They might even convince us to get married next year, who knows."

"I'd like that idea. But maybe we can tell some people who wouldn't know?"

"Let's just keep it between us. Kaya natin di ba?"

"Okay," he said.

We stayed for a couple more minutes, and he dropped me off.

Before I slept, he texted, "Good night, baby."

I'm so fluttered; my heart is full.

Tuesday, July 23

We don’t know how to act now that we are a couple in secret. I told Mansoor to act like nothing changed. We went to lunch together and had Dev Psych.

I stayed at school because my groupmates and I had to discuss our reporting for Friday before our midterms exams. Mansoor and I hung out for a bit, but I needed to finish up the presentation.

I went home and worked on the presentation and the activities we were supposed to do.

Before bed, I called Mansoor, and he read me a poem by an American poet I didn't recognize.

"Am I boring you?" he asked.

"Just continue," I replied.

Wednesday, July 24

I woke up refreshed but had to remind myself to stay focused. We had a quick meeting in the morning with my groupmates and rehearsed what we would do. I had to get them into it by showing leadership.

During his report, Mansoor kept looking my way. I mentally told him to stop, but he did it again. I covered my face.

I attended Fil3 classes, then went to Chemistry. Mansoor passed by the lab since he had English Lit across the hall. He bought me a pizza roll I liked during the break.

After that, I went to work. It was a quiet night, and Lloyd, who was reviewing for exams, covered for me while I checked on customers.

I went home and did my homework essay for tomorrow's Developmental Psych, including finding childhood photos to teenager.

I slept at 1 AM and responded to Mansoor's texts.

Thursday, July 25

We sat down before going to our Bio Psych classes. We wondered if anyone could notice but nobody did. We just talked as usual.

Mansoor mentioned they would have an outing on Sunday and asked if I would come since officers were welcome, but I refused because I'd rather earn money.

"Bakit kailangan mo mag-work pala? You don't seem to need money that much. Your parents pretty much pay for everything."

"I fantasize kasi myself to work in a bookstore while in university."

"So you enjoy it?"

"Oo."

He smiled warmly, despite his cold hands due to the rainy weather.

"Maybe Monday night we can watch Amelie?"

I asked, and he said there was no problem.

We showed each other our childhood albums, but I was shy about mine. Since everyone was doing it, I indulged. Mansoor was a beautiful boy.

I went to work and received a memo that Sunday would be closed for cleaning due to mosquitoes. It was paid, so I was happy.

Lloyd mentioned an older man had been looking for me, possibly the same man who flirted with me a few weeks ago. Lloyd didn't entertain him much, and I told him to keep it that way.

Friday, July 26

We started our reporting, and it went very well; it was interactive. My groupmates did a solid job.

Chemistry was getting tougher, especially handling inorganic substances.

After class, I went to work. My parents were back when I got home.

Saturday, July 27

Mansoor was absent today. Vivian was looking for him and asked me, but I shrugged. He had told me he wouldn't be around due to an org activity at BSU.

Djang showed photos of us together, saying we looked good together. She asked again if we were a couple, and I said maybe next year when the agreement expired.

"Okay lang, we can scrap that. Kinikilig kasi kami sa inyo," she laughed.

"Talaga?" I said, unable to contain my excitement.

"Oh, di kayo nga?"

"No," I shook my head. "Actually, we talked about the possibility."

"So... posible nga?"

"Mmmm..." I shook my head.

She asked if Mansoor was courting me. I said we talked about it but that I wasn't ready, and he agreed.

"Quiet ka lang, susungalin kita pag pinagsabi mo."

"Oo na," she said, flattered. But the girls had already heard.

I didn't see Mansoor all day. At work, the man Lloyd mentioned came by, checked out some books, and tried to get my number. I politely declined.

"Bakit ayaw? May nagbabawal ba?"

"Oo, ako. What kind of logic is that?"

"Oh, so why? Nakikipagkilala lang naman."

"Sir, you never asked for my age."

He fell silent.

"You're employed, so you must be ano, 18, 19?"

"Yes, and you are, 35--?"

"33 naman."

"Pick someone your own age."

His face went sour, and he warned me he'd talk to my boss because they were close. Good thing Lloyd was my witness.

I planned to resign.

We closed up shop, and I went home. I cried to my mom and dad about the guy harassing me. Dad was riled up and wanted to confront him, while Mom insisted I quit the job, concerned for my safety. I regretted telling them as it made them worry more.

I hadn't returned Mansoor's messages. I called him, and we talked until 2 AM. I think I dozed off.