#then the other half are like please help I’m starving *buys 20 lbs of meat per week*

[opisasodomite]

Not to downplay cost of living and inflation etc etc but it’s very funny how many times I see people complain about expensive groceries and their grocery bill and then it’s almost always that they’re buying like, 6 packs of meats lmao

[yeet-bangtan]

I Just Want Food

Ship: yoonseok

genre: fluff

roommate au

prompt: “I want to be the last person who ever kisses you. I know that sounds bad like a death threat or something, but what I’m trying to say is that you’re it. This is it for me.”

“Hyung! I’m hungry!” Hoseok calls from his room in their shared apartment.

“Why is this my responsibility all of a sudden?” Yoongi calls back from the living room.

“You agreed to make dinner in exchange for me getting you out of work the other day.”

“Did I? How come I don’t remember this?”

“Probably because you were half asleep. Either way, a deal’s a deal, and you owe me dinner.”

“Okay, fine.” Yoongi grumbles as he gets off the couch. “Would you like spicy or not spicy ramen?”

“We only ever eat ramen. You owe me something else.”

“Like what?”

“Literally anything that you can’t buy at a convenience store.”

“I’m gonna guess that includes the bit of kimchi we have?”

“I thought you ate that already.”

“Oh, yeah! I did. I still don’t see why you can’t ask Seokjin or someone like that.”

“Seokjin-hyung is busy. Besides, you’re a pretty good cook. You made a really good kimchi fried rice that one time. You always grill our meat at restaurants too.”

“Yes, but that doesn’t exactly make me a culinary master.”

“Doesn’t your dad own a restaurant?”

“Yes, but that’s not the point.”

“Can’t you ask your dad for food or a recipe at least?”

“Hoseok-ah, we’re broke. Bankrupt. Out of money. The only food in our apartment right now is ramen.”

“Well, you agreed to make dinner, so it’s up to you.”

“Curse you,” Yoongi mumbles under his breath.

Now Yoongi’s options are rather limited at his point. He can either make a mud pie, which Hoseok would not like, make ramen, which again, Hoseok would not like, or buy food from elsewhere, which Hoseok still would not like. At this point, Yoongi is screwed. Or is he?

“How about we convince some ladies at the market to get us free food?” Yoongi suggests.

“Are you serious?” Hoseok peeps his head out of the hallway. “Why are you getting me involved?”

“Because you are way more charming than I am.”

“Hyung, this one’s on you.”

“I’ll still cook! I just need you to help me get ingredients is all.” Hoseok glares at Yoongi. “Please?” Yoongi asks cutely.

“Show me some aegyo and I’ll do it.”

“What? No!”

“Then I guess you’re on your own.”

“Fine, okay!” Yoongi rushes to perform the quickest aegyo possible as Hoseok smiles his usual wide smile.

“That was very rushed, but I suppose for now it will do. You better cook me a good dinner.”

It took Hoseok and Yoongi an hour to make it to the market. It is actually only a fifteen minute drive, but the two got carried away with their karaoke session and missed the turn three times. Hoseok is starving at this point. They walk over to the first lady at the market, but Hoseok’s aegyo is not enough to convince her to give them free stuff. Bummer.

Their next attempt was around a group of older ladies selling a variety of items. One lady sold cabbages, and another sold fish cakes. They were all clearly close, and started talking to each other about all kinds of stuff.

“All right, Hoseok-ah, you’re going to pick a target and hit her with all the aegyo you got, okay? Remember, this is for food!”

Hoseok gave him a halfhearted smile before walking up to the lady with the fish cakes. He didn’t say anything, he just looked over the goods.

“Hello, young man!” The woman greets him brightly. Then, as if Hoseok was not standing right there, she turned over to her ladies and started talking about how he would make such a nice boyfriend for her daughter. This lovely piece of information was all Yoongi needed to formulate a plan to get them all the free food possible.

While Hoseok was busy charming the ladies in the market, Yoongi headed off to the nearby costume store. No one really knew why it was there, but it was conveniently placed nonetheless. Luckily, Yoongi even knew the shopkeeper’s son, Taehyung. Yoongi heads inside the store, and before Taehyung can even greet him, Yoongi cuts him off. “I need a huge favor from you.”

“How big a favor?” Taehyung looks very surprised.

“I’ll tell you as we walk.”

Hoseok has been having a very pleasant talk with the women, and one of the women in particular is very interested in his love life. He kinda just avoided the questions, and she didn’t really question it much. He actually charmed the lady with the cabbages enough to get a good 35% discount. The fish cake lady offered only 25%, and one of the ladies who was selling seafood offered a 20% discount. Not bad considering the last attempt.

“Are you sure you aren’t available to meet my daughter? She’s really very sweet, and I know she’d be interested in such a good-looking boy like yourself.”

“Thank you so much for the offer, but I have a very important office event that day.”

“Wahh, he even has a good job! I bet your mother is very proud of you, young man.”

“Ah, how very nice of you,” Hoseok smiles sweetly

“Really! If I had a son like you, I would never let him move out. He’d have to live with my forever!”

“Any son would be lucky to live with you forever.”

While all the ladies melt a little bit, Yoongi advances towards the group. Well, I guess the correct name would be Yoonji. Min Yoonji is Min Yoongi in a schoolgirl outfit with a wig. Make no mistake; Min Yoonji is out to kill.

“Oppa!” Yoongi calls in his most annoying yet most feminine voice.

“Jagi!” Hoseok calls. Hoseok had only seen Min Yoongi as Min Yoonji once, but he didn’t need to be told twice to get what was going on.

“Oooooopppppppppppppaaaaaaaaa!”Yoongi shoves Hoseok. “Why did you call me here?”

“I know this is unexpected, but, I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t say it.”

“Oppa, what are you talking about?”

“Before I lose my courage, I have to tell you. I have to tell you what a difference you’ve made in my life, and how you make me a better person.” He takes in a deep, dramatic breath before continuing. “I want to be the last person who ever kisses you. I know that sounds bad like a death threat or something, but what I’m trying to say is that you’re it. This is it for me. I hope that you will accept my feelings, because you are my first love. Min Yoonji,” Hoseok says while getting on one knee. “Will you make the happiest man alive? Will you marry me?”

“yES YES YES!!” Yoongi shrieks as loudly as possible. Hoseok and Yoongi start dancing like maniacs, and some of the women are wiping tears from their eyes. Yoongi put on his own ring that he snatched from Taehyung’s shop, and that was the entire proposal.

“You two are the most beautiful couple I’ve ever seen! Here take these cabbages as a wedding present!” Exclaims one lady

“Yes! and eat as many fish cake as you desire!” Yells another lady

And that is how Yoongi and Hoseok wound up with 100 lbs of cabbages, and at least ten fish cake skewers apiece. They had a few other things, but those were already long devoured sine the proposal.

“Well, I guess you get to make dinner out of all these cabbages.” Hoseok tells Yoongi.

“What if we made a trade?”

“I am not charming any other old ladies for food.”

“No, dummy! I mean with my dad. We have no use for this much cabbage, so free dinner for all the cabbage. Sounds good?”

“I’ve never eaten at your dad’s restaurant.”

“Really? Well, today’s your first then.”

The trade was successful. In exchange for a hundred pounds of cabbage, Hoseok and Yoongi received a full meal. In case you were wondering what happened to the Min Yoonji costume, Taehyung came by the restaurant to pick it up. Both men had eaten plenty before leaving again.

“I have one question, though.” Yoongi says. “Where did you come up with the whole kiss thing? Did you come up with that on the spot?”

“Nah, I totally stole it from one of Namjoon’s poems.”

“That makes a lot of sense. Good quote, though.”

However, this story would not be complete without warning all readers that impromptu marriage proposals for free food are not usually successful. We actually have no clue why this particular one was successful. We do not recommend you go by your nearest McDonalds and propose to your roommate in a schoolgirl outfit. As tempting as it sounds, it shall only make the employees uncomfortable and everyone else think you are a cheapo.

THE END