#then start to compare his songs with different artists I know and then I’ll yeah. get to this entire thought process

[edge-oftheworld]

I kid you not the number of times I wind up thinking about different artists and where they’re from, just to wind up on any 5sos member and ask myself in my head ‘and where are they from?’ only to remember sydney!!! and then it’s like woah I’M from sydney too no way do musicians come from there!

[ahjdaily]

INTERVIEW: Albert Hammond Jr on His New Opus: Melodies on Hiatus (MonsterChildren)

For archival purposes, full text is stored below.

JUN 25, 2023 | BY NAZ KAWAKAMI

Where Albert Hammond Jr’s solo records, 2007’s,Yours To Keep, made us fall in love and 2018’s, Francis Trouble, was a consummation, his brand new album, Melodies On Hiatus, feels like a happy marriage being lived.  

The nineteen-track double record is a long listen by today’s standards - standards which encourage one-minute-thirty-second, double-hook double-chorus, TikTok-able garbage - but an enjoyable, nuanced, and fragrant one that doesn’t try to be anything other than what it is, which is to say, a good time. Featuring collaborations with GoldLink, Matt Helders, and Rainsford, to name a few, Melodies is an expansive, and developed multi-genre collection by an artist willing to spruce up, cut down, and build out in whichever direction the song takes them.

As a whole, when compared to previous albums, Melodies On Hiatus is more spacious, and, strengthened by or perhaps even made even possible through a lyrical collaboration with Simon Wilcox, draws from a deeper emotional well, although I do believe that even if Albert had abandoned linguistic reasoning all together - if he had taken a note from Sigur Ros’ heartwarmingly nonsensical Hopelandic and had chosen to develop a dialect all his own, the album’s layering, patience, and strength of melody - particularly on stand out tracks like ‘Caught by Night’ and ‘One Chance’ - would be enough to hit, to feel, and for the song’s emotional fingertips to graze your own. 

On the note of emotional fingertips grazing one’s own, Melodies On Hiatus flirts. It knows what it is and what it has to offer, and can accommodate you at any given mood with a confidence that one can’t help but find simultaneously elusive and alluring, and as we claim in our next print issue, it is an album to make friends to, to have sex to, or maybe both. It is for listening, but also for living. The double album floats but doesn’t mope, with moments of excitement and complexity that accent and balance the minutes of moodiness and tranquility. 

We recommend hitting play on the album embedded below before proceeding. By my best guess, I don’t think we’ve spoken to Albert since last Splendour in the Grass, so about a year ago.

By my best guess, I interviewed you around this time last year for Splendour Weekender. 

Was that a whole year ago?

Yeah, Splendour in the Grass is next month, I think.

Geez, yeah, I remember that. I was in a very different place. 

You were telling me about how you were listening to The Body on audiobook. You’re a big audiobook guy?

I don’t know if I’m a big audiobook guy. It helped me read more, so I guess it’s a good crutch for reading. Damn, what was that…

It was all about anatomy, I think. I realize this is a weird start to an interview.

No, not weird at all. Let me see where it was… Audible or… oh god damn it, I gotta sign in? This is bologna. 

Are you reading/listening to anything currently?

I mean, clearly not if I gotta sign in. I was listening to this book called, When Things Fall Apart, which was pretty good. It was pretty fascinating, just about this person whose life starts to crumble. It’s the kind of book where you could start at any chapter and it kind of fits somehow with whatever moment you’re in. I try pretty hard, and I do pretty well sometimes, but it’s only the occasional book that cuts through. There was this Japanese author…

Murakami?

Yeah! I read one of his books, and I started another and was like, ‘great, this is another book that I’ll get like a hundred pages in, and then I won’t have read for like five days, and then I won’t remember anything.’ But I read the whole thing and it was amazing, then picked up another one and failed. Work in progress, man, work in progress.

Yeah, that kind of ties into my greater thematic question which is: what media or art have you taken in recently that may have affected, inspired, or influenced this new album? 

Oh, just microdosing life. 

I saw that on a shirt in Japan once!

Microdosing life?

Yeah! 

I thought I thought of that. Damn. I mean, look, I think that if I sat down with nothing and created something and then I got asked about it afterwards, maybe I’d be able to understand the process, but because it’s like a little bit every day, and throughout your life you build an encyclopedia of different works that all push in different directions, it’s difficult to say. This record is tough. I had made Francis Trouble with a band and an alter ego and a frontman, and accepting that that’s what this was and not wanting to lean into a band name, and I thought we achieved what we wanted to achieve. I mean, I don’t think I ever achieve what I want to, I’m just saying that so it’s not so depressing. With this album, I thought it’d be fun to make a deconstruction of that. I always make demos and build on them and try to create a vibe and it changes, so I thought, ‘why don’t I just keep the demos and the drum machines?’ And there are some songs on this album that don’t have that, but a majority are like, a drum machine app I had on my phone. Just fun, vibey things. 

Sometimes it is really that simple. 

Sometimes it is! I liked that and I didn’t want to have to go any deeper than that, and songs started coming out over time. I thought this was going to come out ages ago. I started working on these songs back in 2019, so I thought I’d release them in maybe 2021, but then Covid happened, and the process slowed. But because this has been such a long process, I don’t remember many of the details of inspirations and what not. 

Do you think that you thrive in parameters? Was it easier to work within the confines of the capabilities of a drum machine app? 

Well I only used the app because I just had it and as I was taping demos, it was just quicker on my phone, but then it felt sort of right. If it sounds cool, it doesn’t matter where it came from. To some degree, I do feel good in parameters. In my mind, if you told me to write a story about whatever I want, I probably wouldn’t do the homework, but if you said to write a story in this place, my mind might have an easier time. I do push structures of songs but I do like understanding that there is a structure. I try to keep things as simple as possible so that I can see where things are boring and where they are exciting. A lot of the time when you’re writing, you can do things to the drums or guitar and it’ll sound more fun, but really it’s just not a great part. When you’re listening and everything is dumbed down, you can hear and be like, ‘this is where it gets boring. Why?’ and then you fix it. ‘Caught By Night’ was a song that we sort of pieced together and built up at the last minute and added a different drum machine, and it just worked. That, ‘Never Stop’, and this other song were the three songs at the very end that came in a burst even though the album was kind of done at fifteen songs, we just added another three. 

Even fifteen songs by today’s standard is a very substantial album. 

Couldn’t stop, dude. Couldn’t stop.

It’s interesting to me that you were writing while recording, I don’t hear a lot of people doing that.

I think that there’s always one really good song that happens when you’re recording. I’m constantly writing little things and putting them in voice memos. They aren’t songs, they’re just like, ideas. If I played them for you, you wouldn’t get what it is. There are just all these things that come up while you’re recording and in that space that you’re like, ‘oh there’s something here’ and you push on them, and some lead to another thing and you throw away the bit where it started, like when a rocket takes off into space and throws off that booster piece. The idea leads you to a better one. 

What is your editing process like? If you come up with a song last minute, do you just bump out other ideas?

Something that Julian told me a lot is that when you create something, you love it because you made it, and you have to sweep away stuff that isn’t as good as others. Those things don’t have to be gone forever, but you need to be able to see what is exciting. I have songs that I keep coming back to because I know that there is something there - it’s like your own personal puzzle. 

Are there any songs on this album that you’re like, ‘no one else likes this but I think it’s great, so fuck you all, it’s going on the album,’?

That’s a funny question. Ah man. It’s not that no one understands- we’re not there to kill something, we have long discussions. The biggest thing when learning to create is understanding that ideas are very fragile. You have to slowly take what this idea is trying to say and pull it out. You can record an awesome demo and then you go to record it and you murder it because you lose what it was about in the first place. I have no idea why that is, I think that that’s why producers are so sought after. It’s easy for an artist to overthink because maybe it’s perfect in their head but by being perfect, all the charm is gone. 

Someone told me years ago that if you are the artist, you shouldn’t be the one who decides when your song is ‘done’. You know what I mean? Because it’ll never be done. Collaboration is really important in that way, and that’s very present in this album with collaborations between you and GoldLink or Matt Helders.

Totally! I always need to talk things out. It’s not like because it’s my album that I’m not going to read the room and see how people are feeling about it. There’s a song from my album, Momentary Masters, called, ‘Caught by My Shadow’, where I knew that I wanted this riff as the whole song. Everyone was like, ‘this is just a part, right? There’s this and then something else comes?’ and I was like, ‘nah nah nah, the whole song is that.’ I knew that when it got to the end, that people would understand, and they did, but at the same time, I’ve had a lot of times where something is not working and the feeling is there not just with you but with the other players. The point is that when you’re writing, you aren’t trying to be right, you’re trying to not be mediocre. There’s no winning. The fun, the point, is in creating. I love melody and giving rhythm to it and building it out, and then it goes deeper and hits you in a way that makes you feel something. That’s bigger than words for me. Like in classical music, you feel it in your guts. It’s not about doing it my way, it’s about trying to do something that you think is great. 

The singular genius/lonely artist is such a romanticized trope in stories and in media, but it undermines the potential and importance and ubiquity of collaboration. Nothing is done in a vacuum.

I think that the people who are telling those stories aren't the ones creating. If you’re creating something like music, it is meant to be heard, but so is the experience and the journey of making it. You’d want to share it, no? Share in the process. I never liked when people give too much credit or assign too much to one person, or especially give guff to someone. Like when people talk about Ringo that way. Really? Do you know how delicate it is to be in a band in a room? Put another drummer in there and see if that chemistry will still be there. I don’t think it would at all. You know when you throw a party and you’re trying to create a vibe, and one weird guy throws it all off? That’s the same thing as when you’re trying to find people to create stuff with. Maybe some people do have a moment and see it all, and that’s great, but it’s also very lonely. People want to share. 

Do you think that that’s a motivator for you to make things? Because you want to share?

I don’t know… I don’t know why I am doing this.

Yeah, what the hell are you doing, man?

I remember being a kid and falling in love with Buddy Holly and that you could do that as a profession. It just seemed so magical. It’s just something that I do little by little every day. Like if I have a day where I’m like, ‘I don’t want to write, I am done, I am spent.’ And then I start playing something and my immediate thought is that I can't wait to create this and share it. 

You’ve been working on this album since around 2019. You’ve put in a lot of time and thought. What are your hopes with this album?

I guess besides the hope of it connecting with people, I kind of have reached what I wanted in simply making it. Everything after that is out of my control. I can’t convince anyone to like it or to feel it. I really just sit innocently between each song and create a world that I’d want to hear, or create something new that I haven’t done before. I wasn’t trying to make a double record either, so maybe I’m stuck in that, still. I had twenty songs and was like, ‘there’s no way I’m writing twenty lyrical sets.’ I didn’t take the 20th off just to have one less; I like lyrics, I love lines. I’m just not great at putting those lines into a whole. Sometimes I really nail what I want to, but when I was staring down the barrel of twenty songs, I didn’t even know where to begin. It’s weird to have written these songs throughout all of this time, having been in so many places in my life, and now the album is out and everything still connects;  it’s been amazing. So you’re asking about what I consider success or what I want for this. That, to me, feels like more success than I thought I would get out of it.

[translatemunson]

track three — the ex tapes

warnings: not proofread. this is not a fluff series, so be ready for some angst and angry characters.

author's note: thanks for all the love these past few chapters! i'm thinking of taking some requests on scenes/drabbles you'd like to read about this series, what do you think? send your ideas my way via ask or message me!

series masterlist

Eddie didn’t call you again. He went silent. Yeah, that was definitely a goodbye.

This was one of those days where the connection wasn’t there. The artist you worked with gave you some trouble when trying to find the subject of the song. You’ve talked for hours, he asked his assistant to get you some coffee and cookies from a nearby cafe, but even after all of that, he couldn’t give you enough material to start based on his experience.

You wrote a verse and a chorus you are not proud of, leaving the rest for another session. But you’re not sure if this was going to happen. He felt a bit off, you knew when people didn’t want to open themselves up, for whatever reason. 

Perhaps it was your fault. You were so connected to your personal story that everything was distant. You drive back home listening to your classical music tape, letting the harmonies and crescendos get the ideas out of your mind.

You don’t recognize the black car parked a few spots to the left of Steve’s car. You’ve been living in this building long enough to know everyone else’s cars. New neighbors? No, you weren’t aware of people moving in for a while now.

You gather your things and go up the stairs to the third floor. Everything is calm.

“Stevie! Wanna order some pizza?” You unlock the door and meet with a very serious Steve staring at the person on your couch. Black jeans, denim vest and jacket, dark curls. “What’s this? Why did you let him in?”

Both boys look in your direction. You cross your arms in front of your chest, your guitar case on your feet.

“I think you should talk.” He motions to Eddie to stay in his place.

“Steve-”

“Think of your career, ok? I’ll be in my room,” he walks to you and hugs you. “Try not to kill each other. Scream if you need me to kick him out.”

Steve leaves you alone, locking the door to his room — you bet he’s gonna eavesdrop on your conversation, whether you like it or not. You put your things on the table and let a deep sight cut through your silence.

“What are you doing here, Munson? No, what do you really want from me? Wasn’t leaving me behind like we were nothing enough?”

“Sweetheart, I’m sorry.”

“I know, you said it a few nights ago. But I’m not buying it. How did you find me?”

Eddie looks in the direction of Steve’s room and you feel a little betrayed. You knew Steve would do anything for you, to protect you. And maybe you were too drunk when he arrived after the phone call and you poured your heart out telling him you wished things ended up differently. But you were too hurt, too afraid to let him closer again.

“Sorry, I-”

“You don’t mean it, so shut it. You never returned my calls, or my letters, or even let me know when you were in town so we could have a decent conversation. And now it’s too late.”

“You wanted closure? Do you even know what it means? Because to keep writing our story on people’s songs isn’t closure.”

“Like you’ve never written something about us as well. You can’t change my mind, Munson: I’m not writing with you. Now leave me alone.”

Eddie stands up, but doesn’t go for the door. He takes some bold steps until you’re close.

“You left me in the studio, was it some kind of twisted payback?”

“You broke my fucking heart, Eddie! Making you pay for the studio rent is nothing compared to what you’ve done to me!”

“Well, isn't it funny that you’re working in the same field as me? It’s like you were hoping this would happen.”

“Idiot, I’ve been writing songs and poems for ages! Who gave you the poem that inspired your first hit?” He doesn’t answer, well aware of the day you gave him an envelope with the poem inside. “Why did you use it anyway?”

“Because it was good, Y/N, really good. Can we please put those things behind and talk about our jobs? Because I really need to write this song, and you’re the only person that can understand me.”

You don’t understand me, he said that before you left the trailer in a hurry. It’s been like six years since that night, and you still feel it hunting you. Because you know you were wrong, but you were also young and too eager to get it.

You wanted to move to Chicago, to attend college, to live with Eddie in a small apartment. But you weren’t on the same page. He didn’t see how leaving somewhere else would be good, how he could keep playing with the band. According to him, you had everything you needed in Hawkins.

You had this huge fight. Screaming at each other how things were going to be better, new opportunities and everything else. To him, studying was a waste of time. To you, his band was a waste of time. In the end, you left the trailer after getting tired of all of his bullshit.

When you returned a few days later, he was gone. He moved to Los Angeles, they got a record deal, Wayne explained to you. He gave you his number and new address, and God knows you’ve tried to talk to him, at least to say you were sorry and you wanted to try long distance before ending things up.

He ended things before you could try.

“It has to be you, Y/N. I’ve tried with others, they don’t get it like you do. Please.”

“I’m sorry, Eddie. I can’t.”

You take a paper from the table and start writing down all the songwriters you’ve worked with and could help him, maybe would be honored to work with him. Because you know you can’t go in a studio with him, write down his feelings and walk away without feeling hurt. The song would play everywhere and it would sink the knife deeper.

You offer the paper. Eddie takes it but doesn’t give it a look, shoving it in his pocket right away.

“Please.”

You start crying, your memories making you go back to that night in the trailer. You’ve seen this film before, he’s gonna leave you again and again. 

Eddie brings you to his chest in a warm hug. You inhale his scent: cigarettes, maybe coffee and some fancy cologne. Time was good with him. You hug him back stronger, wishing things were different in the past. He doesn’t let you go until he’s sure you’ve calmed down.

“I’m so sorry that I left you. I really am.” He holds your face gently, sweeping the tears away. “Back then I thought that I always had to choose, and I didn’t want to do it because I really wanted to be with you, but music means everything to me. And then we fought and I had a good reason to run away. But you didn’t deserve it, and I’m so sorry for that.”

“I know, Eddie. But I have my fair share of guilt,” you cover his hands with yours. You wished you did this sooner, found your way to Eddie sooner. “I wanted you to leave everything for me, without thinking about other ways we could do it. And when I did, it was too late.”

He holds your shoulders. “Let’s call it a truce? Just for the sake of our jobs. We write the song, I give you a huge cut from the money and we can follow our own ways.”

“You can’t tell people that Charlie Rogers is your ex, because I really don’t wanna be Eddie Munson’s ex,” you add to the deal.

“Sure.” Your proudness is always showing, but he agrees with you: you’ve built your career by yourself, not by being someone’s ex. “Anything else?”

“Do you promise?”

“I promise, love.”

“I can fit you in my schedule.”

“Great,” he claps his hands, satisfied, “if you wanna work in a specific studio, let my manager know, he can arrange that.”

“Nah, choose your favorite and we’ll be fine.”

“Right, ok,” he smiles and leans in. “So see you soon?”

“On thursday, probably. I’ll have to cancel with Madonna, but that’s fine.”

“Madonna? Are you serious?”

“Yeah, it's the third time we’ll work together. I can fit her somewhere else,” you say like it’s nothing. “Clean your schedule for me, rockstar, and meet me here at eight. And make sure to rent the studio for noon. There’s something we need to do before our writing session.”

“‘K, I’ll be here.”

“Ok.”

But none of you move. His big brown eyes don’t leave yours, you can’t break the contact. Reality is hitting you in the middle of your face. The thing you asked for years is happening. Eddie is here.

A door is opened and you hear footsteps.

“Erm, I thought you killed each other,” Steve cleans his throat.

You break the contact first. Eddie puts a cheeky smile on his face and walks to the door.

“See you on thursday. Bye, Steve.”

“See ya, Munson,” Steve does the honors of letting Eddie out. As soon as he closes the door, his eyes find you. “Are you alright?”

“Don’t wanna talk about it.” You take your stuff and walk to your room. “Please, leave me alone tonight.”

“I’ll make dinner for you.”

“No need.”

“Y/N,” he’s already worried about you.

“I need a moment alone, Harrington. Talk to you tomorrow.”

taglist: @@lokiofasgard616 @munsonology

[becomingbts]

Time heals (sometimes) - Teaser 1

Summary: 6 years ago, (Y/N) thought that she was finally taking her life into her hands, leaving behind a toxic and abusive relationship with a man who taught her she’d never be worthy of love. However, it became hard to ignore his words when she met her seven soulmates who rejected her without even giving her a chance to prove herself. It took (Y/N) 3 years to realize that it wouldn’t be her end. She would live on to prove them all wrong; she would become what they all thought she wasn’t: someone worthy of love. And as she stands proudly on the stage, under the burning spotlights and the applause and the cries of the delirious crowd, she feels alive. Alive, just like the bond she believed to be broken.

Pairings: Y/N x OT7

GENRE: Soulmate AU!, Idol Y/NAU!, semi social-media AU!, ANGST (mainly), fluff, romance, maybe smut in the series.

Ask or comment to be tagged!

Warnings: The series is going to be heavy with a lot of personal experiences mixed into the fiction, so this is going to be kind of therapeutic for me. Please, consider not reading the series if you are not comfortable with: abandonment issues, anxiety, panic attacks, depression, self-harm (not descriptive and only part of MC’s past), suicide thoughts (in the past), toxic behavior, toxic and abusive relationship (in the past), depreciating self-talk and low self-esteem, a lot of curse, physical and mental pain, near death experience situation (in the past), and maybe smut scenes (happy ending though, but it will probably be quite the ride).

NOTE: I was thinking of “Moonchild” and for some reasons, some memories I’d prefer to have forgotten came back to my mind and instead of making a full-blown panic attack like I used to, I thought that it would make a great plot if I mingled that with a soulmate and idol verse and that’s how I started going into it. This is going to be loaded with personal experiences, even if they’ll probably be a bit differently explained compared to what I experienced. Despite the heavy themes and many warnings, I hope you guys will like it. I think I really needed to write it. It will be a semisocial media AU!, because I like the idea of being to write some of their conversations through texts. However, I do plan on fully writing most of it. Though, you’ll have some updates about their social medias as I will update their profiles soon after you see this. I will probably mix a lot of different media for this story such as songs written and produced by myself. I’ll upload for real MC’s EP. So expect a lot for this story. Please take well care, feedback is always very warmly welcomed, it helps me to write for real. If you need to talk to someone, my dms are always opened and if you really don’t feel well, please call urgency numbers.

Thank you for reading,

-Dolly

"And we will close our night show with the most awaited segment! The audience jumped during the commercial break, it's amazing how many people just joined us! Welcome to our interview segment and especially, welcome and thank you so much for being with us Moon!”

"Of course, thank you for having me on your radio show." 

"Thank you for coming! I have to mention that this is your very first interview with another media than your usual personal platforms like Vlive, YouTube, or Instagram, so we are honored to be the first ones to greet you! Do you plan on making more activities outside your personal schedule for the promotion of your new album?" 

"If I may be honest, not really. I'm the most comfortable in my own safe zone and I tend to try not to get out of it too often. It might close some doors to me but I'm comfortable with my fans that way. However, I often listen to this radio show and a lot of my fans were enthusiastic about that so I thought: why not."

"Ah, thank you so much, it means a lot! Your fans are indeed a strong community and they support you whether you go to TV shows or not. Besides, you've been a very active artist on social media and your whole career started on YouTube and SoundCloud before you signed to your current agency. We have to congratulate you on your journey! It's barely been two years but here you are, with your second EP 'People'! Congratulations on the release!" 

"Thank you very much."

“For our listeners who might not know who Moon is, I’m going to introduce her to you: Moon, your real name is (Y/N), you were born on August 4th, 1998, Incheon and your mother was American so you pursued your studies in America. You have been taking online classes since the start of your career at the HULT, university of Florida, and even recently got your Business Bachelor, now aiming for a Ph.D. You started your journey on Youtube, uploading covers and vlogs until you finally started producing your own songs, releasing them on Soundcloud. You started gaining a lot of followers; thus, you started on other social media such as Twitter or Instagram. One year ago, you release your first EP called ‘BALANCE’  which is the reason why the music label BigHit reached to you and asked you if you wanted to sign with them. Did I get everything right?”

“You are. It feels like you know my life better than I do.”

"Ah not at all, but thank you, I am glad that I didn’t say something wrong! Would you mind sharing the concept of this EP? Many of your fans probably already know but maybe some of our daily listeners might not!" 

"Of course. As you said, 'People' is my second EP, yet the first to be studio recorded. Signing with BigHit is a big step in my career and it created a lot of changes, hence I decided to focus on the people I have met, stayed with, became close to, or detached myself from… This is dedicated to the people who changed my life, whether they intended to or not. It could be interpreted as my social life diary in a way." 

"I see, many of your fans have said that the album held a very distinct duality, with a bright and a much darker side that made quite the storm on social media. ‘Y/N our Moon’ and ‘MOONISBACK’ trended for a few nights on Twitter. Do you have anything you'd like to say about that?" 

"I guess it was a surprise because this mini-album is really raw and uncensored. I didn't try to sugarcoat it nor to romanticize my experiences. I hope it brings comfort to people who haven't been feeling well. Because I think that it’s always easy to say that it's going to be okay to someone who’s not feeling well. Everything doesn’t suddenly become okay. And it's fine to be hurting, you can learn to live with this pain and move on while still hoping for better days. There is no end to hopes, and this is why my EP has a brighter side to it. Not everything is always a vast cold ocean. Sometimes, there are small or big waves that come crashing into our universe and they form something that we couldn't have imagined. They bring a little piece of sunshine in life and it helps to move on. So I hope that people who are struggling know that, despite how insignificant I might be, there is a person that understands and can relate to their struggles. I hope it can comfort them, even just slightly, to know that they are not alone." 

"That's a beautiful way to put it."

"Ah, thank you." 

"I have to ask because I'm really curious and I’m definitely not the only one: a lot of your fans have been theorizing about who could your title track ‘TIME’ be about? I have to ask you on the behalf of everyone. Is it okay for me to break the mystery?" 

"Time is a track that shouldn’t have made it to the EP. It’s a bit like a fit of personal anger that I didn’t know I needed to let out.”

“Your anger was definitely heard and understood. People have been curious about the addressee of the song especially because of the line ‘maybe it’s time I finally let go of you’. So can you tell us who is it about?” 

“Uh...Time was written for my seven soulmates who rejected me years ago." 

"Seven!?"

"Yeah, it's a lot I know.”

“Is that why you have covered your soul mark with this tattoo on your arm? Netizens talked about it a lot; normally idols tend to cover their arm from the public eyes to avoid for their soulmates’ names to be known, but instead, you were proudly showing your tattooed arm, fully covering what might be under the ink. Many people assumed that it meant that you didn’t have a soulmate at all.” 

“Well, I decided to cover the mark because there was no reason for me to keep it without hurting myself. I decided that I have been hurt enough to let myself take a rest. I didn’t see the point in hiding my arm either, I’m proud of my tattoo, I mean; it’s really a beautiful piece in my opinion. But to answer the assumptions, I don’t consider that I have soulmates anymore, hence why the tattoo as well." 

"This is really a heartbreaking story, it must have been extremely hard. Breaking a soul bond is immensely dangerous, my link with my husband already itches when I spend the day away from him, so seven soul bonds? It must have been terrible." 

"It was, but the most important is where I am now. I'm not lingering on that anymore because they made their choices and I thus made mine. I just hope that they all are healthy and happy where they are." 

"I have to say I'm really impressed (Y/N)-shi, you really have a delicate and caring soul. I probably wouldn't be able to have such soft words about your soulmates had I been in your shoes."

"I think living the actual experience made me reflect on myself a lot. I'm comfortable where I am now, I'm able to do music and make what I love. I have nothing to complain about, I'm surrounded by lovely and supportive fans, I have the best manager I could have ever hoped for and a warm and healthy family. I don't need more on my side." 

"I'm glad you are happy then. Many of your fans have pointed out it's really hard to make you smile and some wonder if you are happy, especially after the release of ‘TIME’, I don’t blame some of your fans for being worried." 

"Ahhh, is smiling the only way to prove that we are happy? I believe my words are usually a bit more impactful than my facial expressions. I have to admit that I don't often smile, it's not a bad thing, at least I don't think so, but I just don't feel the need to smile when I don’t feel like it. Besides, I get shy easily when I expose my emotions too much." 

"It's hard to imagine you being shy but at the same time now that I have you in front of me, our listeners cannot see you, but I definitely feel that you have a very shy and reserved aura despite the energy you give off when you are on stage. It’s not unfriendly either, but you’re just very soft-spoken and quiet in everything you do. Like when you came in, I barely heard you entering at all; you’re just silently making your way without a fuss, it’s really endearing, to be honest."

"Ah... I’ve been told that my stage persona and the ‘me’ in real life were two different entities but I don’t really think it’s true. I'm extremely introverted and it doesn't really mix well with the stage. So I just put it on the side for the people who came to see me and deserve to see more than a 24 years old woman who has troubles speaking without stuttering in front of other people." 

"You stutter when you have to speak in front of other people?" 

"Sometimes it happens when I’m nervous, and I’m very often nervous. Like right now, I’m extremely nervous. But it's something I'm working on." 

"Well it's definitely paying off because I couldn't sense that you were nervous at all, just very calm and soft, but I wouldn’t be able to imagine you being nervous enough to stutter."

"A lot of artists actually have stage fright, most of them just don't want to admit it because it doesn't sound sexy when you tell your fans you're actually shaking before going up there for the show." 

"This is very true, but it's refreshing to hear it from someone who actually lives through that rather than fan theories." 

"That's understandable." 

"Our time is coming to the end, do you have anything you would like to add before we sadly get our mics taken away?" 

"Oh uhm, everyone, my new mini-album 'People' came out very recently and yet it already received a lot of love so I want to thank you for that. This EP was a very personal project and I was worried about how it would be welcomed but you all made me realize that I have nothing to fear because we'll always find someone who can relate to our stories. As long as I can help even one person with my songs, then it's enough for me. Thank you for listening to me and my voice. I hope we'll be able to meet soon. Love you my fans and non-fans as well, please take well care of yourselves in those times. Be careful and stay safe. Wear your mask!" 

“Thank you so much Moon for being with us tonight. Our time was short but I really enjoyed it, I hope our listeners were able to feel that very warm presence of yours through the mic. ‘Give Me A Song’ of Moon’s EP ‘People’ will now be playing and we will see each other tomorrow night with IU for the release of her new album LILAC. Take care!”

Comments or Ask to be tagged!

Uploaded : 08/04/2021

[thismaydestroyme]

Little Did I know Pt. 2

summary: in this short story, harry is famous, and he moved into a town during the summer to relax and potentially write some new songs for his upcoming album. i included some song lyrics from different amazing artists, and i pretended that harry and y/n wrote it.

author’s note: i wrote the beginning of this two months ago me being lazy i picked up where i left off because i’m too lazy to read through this. so if there’s any major fuck ups then…. i did warn you that i’m incompetent

word count: 3165

“I’m a SLAVE FOR YOU!” Y/N shouts out, and little did you know Harry was front and center watching your trainwreck of a performance. 

Harry did a whole french inhale without breaking eye contact with you. “I really wanna dance tonight with you.” Y/N hears Brittany playing in the background which you pause the music, to see what Harry would say about your little ‘performance.’ 

“Really? A slave? don’t you think it’s pretty dramatic don’t ya think?” Harry says, raising one of his eyebrows. You know he’s just playing around, but you coudn’t help feeling embarrassed how he fucking witnessed… that. You don't want Harry to know that you’re embarrassed, so you did the next best thing. 

“That fucking snake was huge. Did you know she was holding an Albino Burmese Python? I bet MTV wasn’t expecting that. Do you think MTV got filthy rich from that performance? Everyone tuned in for that performance and till this day it’s still the most talked about.” You ramble and spew out random information you bet Harry couldn’t care two shit about.” Harry has a smirk on his face, you bet he was enjoying you looking like a damn idiot. 

You start profusely apologizing until Harry interrupts you, “Do you want to come over?” He says all nonchalantly and walks away without you even agreeing. You’re all stunned and weren't able to even say one single word or even move your two feet. Harry doesn’t need to turn around to see you not moving, “C’mon weirdo, don’t act all shy with me now.” He threw back. 

“Fuck.” You whisper, but your feet finally start to move and your feet are heading straight to Harry. 

Harry turned his head and started to smirk, but he kept walking which had you feeling some nerves building up in your stomach. You’re not scared per se, just you’re going to Harry Styles house. This is normal. This is fine. This is just a once in a lifetime opportunity. 

Cool. 

When you finally get to his entrance Harry is already inside and he disappears somewhere because you don’t see him. You hesitantly walk inside and shut the door behind you. When you turn around you couldn’t help, but notice the disarray this house is covered in. Your mouth gape opened, but you immediately brought your hands to cover up how shocked you are. You couldn’t help but gawk at Harry’s place. There’s a big pink couch in the center of the room which is covered in boxes and clothes. There’s a TV on the floor which doesn’t seem to be plugged in because you don’t see it even plugged in. You try not to be too judgy because he did just move in, so what do you expect?  Harry having his life all sorted out in a span of a couple of weeks? 

You almost missed the nice white fluffy carpet that’s underneath the couch. Even though Harry’s place is a disaster, you can envision what Harry is planning on doing when he has his stuff all situated. In the back of your mind you hope he might even invite you back if he does a ‘welcoming party.’

Before you could even investigate more Harry walks back in with two bottles of water in his hand. He’s already drinking out of one of them, so he handed the one that hasn’t been opened to you. You reach your hands over to grab it. 

“This isn’t safe for the environment.” You states while unscrewing the cap. 

“Well.. you belting out to Britney is an endangerment to our society, so I guess we both got the short end of the sticks.” 

You immediately start drinking your water because you didn’t have your next rebuttal. You start scanning the room and hoping it’ll have your heartbeat settle down because you can feel it through your chest. Harry moves from his spot and starts taking boxes off the couch and to make some room for the both of you. He had to take down three boxes, so you could both sit comfortably. 

Harry walks over to you, but you freeze. Harry was pleased knowing he had you all flustered. It was one of Harry’s turn ons. Harry sits and brings his arms draping on the back of the couch which would have you being in his arm if you decide to sit right there. A couple of seconds of you contemplating you walk towards Harry and hesitantly sit down. 

“I’m not going to bite.” he whispers in your left ear. Feeling his breath in your ear made you slightly clench your thighs together, hoping Harry doesn’t notice. But knowing your track record he probably did notice.

You try to come up with a conversation starter that hopefully doesn't hold all the spotlight on you. You look down at her close water bottle and scrambling for something in her head. 

“Now you’re shy. The last time I checked up you were coming for my head after that  mishap with your dog earlier.” 

“You deserved it. You were attacking Cosmo, so yeah. I was in fact coming for your ass.” You glance your eyes to Harry. You’re overly protected over Cosmo. Cosmo is your life.

Harry gave you a smirk. He couldn’t help but to admire your bluntness. He barely comes across people who lit a fire inside of him. They always try to please him because he is a celebrity, and people just want to please him- which he doesn’t mind, but he does wish they sometime bites back. Having you in his presence he doesn’t want to let you go just yet, little did he know, he wants to get to know you more. 

“What do you do, Y/N besides piercing people’s eardrums and being a dog mom.” 

“Ummm.. that’s a loaded fucking question. But you being Harry fuckin’ Styles I guess I have to come up with something to make myself more interesting and less… chaotic. Well I’m a 21 years old who doesn’t have anything to offer to this world. I live my life accepting I’ll probably be working at Newbury Comics. And on top of that I love music, but I’ll be considered unqualified because I have no talents, and all I could do is muster up some mediocre lyrics that I have stored in my notes app.” 

Harry didn’t break any eye contact when you were summarizing your sad life. That created a pit in your stomach because you never experienced anything that could ever compare to Harry’s tense gaze. 

Harry never encountered anyone in the span of meeting them baring their skin to him. He couldn’t help, but feel some sort of pride knowing he created a space for Y/N to be able to let your hair down and express herself in full detail. He feels more drawn to you because he knows what you’re feeling. The unknown is a scary thing to feel, but you’re doing that with grace without you even realizing it. Just accepting reality is the biggest thing to acknowledge, and you’re doing just that. 

“What do you have on your notes? Could you even help me write my next album.” Harry shrug glances his eyes away from you. 

You feel a surge of worries entering her body. You don't know what’s going on, and you don't like it. “What?! You barely know me. My so-called ‘lyrics’ could be shitty and cliche. What are you getting out of this? My humiliation?” You don't like being taken as a joke, but that’s all  you could come up with this peculiar interaction. Harry sees a naive little girl. 

“You’re pretty,” Harry says. And that’s all he said. He got up and walked out the room. You're left on the couch alone, and not understanding what he just said. Just a few minutes ago he asked for your help, and now just a few seconds ago he said you’re pretty. What kind of fuckery is this?!

You immediately got up and walked to whatever room you could find Harry in. It wasn’t that hard because Harry is in the kitchen. 

“Harry! I need you to explain. Talk to me, please.” You say while running her hands down your face. You thanked yourself for not wearing any makeup.

“Uh, you beg. I like that Y/N,” Harry chuckles and closes his fridge door. 

“Well…. I do find you attractive and I see a potential in you. I might be wrong or I might be right. There’s nothing wrong with finding out and seeing what you have.” Harry says. Harry isn’t afraid to look people in the eyes, but you sure do. You’re debating if you should  take this risk. Harry did say there’s nothing wrong with finding it out. 

“Fine. I will take that jump with you.” You say unsurely, but you have some faith in him and a little bit in yourself. 

“Good. Now can you stop being tense and enjoy yourself. You’re in fact talking to the one and only Harry Styles.” 

“Shut up, doofus.” 

One month Later

After Harry made the deal with you a month ago,  you guys have been surprisingly working together quite nicely. You guys wrote one complete song, and that song is now called, “Dirty Little Secret.” You can’t wait to hear Harry sing that song with his band because you’re pretty sure it will fit the band theme for his upcoming album. Harry doesn’t want to limit himself, but he does have an idea to make his third album mostly rock. 

Harry didn’t expect you to be a fuckin’ genious. Watching you in the corner jotting down lines in your beat up notebook with a pen in your hand made you start feeling someway. You always appreciate the art seeing people enjoy what they do, but Y/N is truly gifted because she has no experience with producing music. One long night two weeks ago you guys were sleep deprived because there was a week where you guys would stay up all night to write and you would stop when you saw the sunrise. Y/N found her love in music because of her father. He was a huge factor that made her who she is today. There was substance in her when she would talk about the accent in a song, how she would bounce that off with the bar while you would play the instruments. Y/N is truly a force to be reckoned with and you couldn’t help but wonder how it would be like to have her on tour with you. 

Y/N never felt more alive after her father passed. It’s like Harry woken something inside of her. You never thought you would experiment with music with Harry Styles, the artist for this generation. You’re not going to lie that you would watched all of his interviews and he would talk about when he write songs he has no boundaries, and it’s crazy he upheld that ideology because Harry made sure you know that there’s no right or wrong way, the only way is to play around and see how it goes. 

“I’m going to get some water. Do you want some?” You ask Harry dropping your notebook on the coffee table that’s covered in rolled up papers and a lot of take out boxes.

“Yeah. Thanks.” He says. You nod at him, and you got up to grab two cups of ice water for you both. 

Your notebook page flipped to a new page and Harry couldn’t help but notice to see “Bubblegum Bitch” written in all caps. Harry got intrigued, so he happily kicked the table so the book could fall, so his excuse could be, “Y/N it fell.” 

Harry kicked the coffee table with his big ass feet and the notebook happily splat on the floor. Harry reached for it and started flipping pages to see that title again, and it took him a couple of tries to find it. 

“Got a figure like a pin-up, got a figure like a doll

Don't care if you think I'm dumb, I don't care at all

Candy bear, sweetie pie, wanna be adored

I'm the girl you'd die for”

Harry couldn’t help but not try to read all the lyrics. He wants to digest it all, but he knew Y/N could walk in any second. He couldn’t help but make a small gasp when he skimmed to the part of the song that had him falling on his knees 

“I'm gonna be your bubblegum bitch.” 

“Harry, what are you doing?” Y/N says timidly. On the outside Y/N is calm and cool and collective, but on the inside you’re shaking and screaming. Your songs are attended only to you, not for other eyes to see. You’re still not confident with your writing abilities when it comes to songs for yourself, but knowing your idol probably read more than one line of your song is having you want the ground to swallow you up. 

“I’m not going to tiptoe around you and pretend Y/N. Bubblegum Bitch is amazing, fuck maybe fucking brillant Y/N. Shit.” Harry says he looks at you but goes back down to your notebook flipping pages after pages. 

You’re stuck where you’re standing. Feeling the condensation of two cups of water you’re currently holding is the only concept you’re able to maintain. 

Did Harry say that he likes your songs? Did he say brilliant? You’re not able to speak, all you’re able to do is walk up to the coffee table, drop the cups down and grab your notebook from Harry's grabby hands and collect your belongings. This is too much. You feel too much. You simply can’t right now. 

Harry sees you picking up your stuff and shoving your notebook and pens in your purse you bring every time you visit him. Harry couldn’t help, but feel bad that he could possibly make you feel uncomfortable. 

Harry stands up and starts walking up to where you are putting the last thing in your bag, “Y/N I’m sorry if me going through your stuff made you angry, but I couldn't help it Y/N. What I read was amazing, you’re amazing.” Harry hurrys out his words because he felt if he didn’t say it fast enough you would vanish. 

You’re trying to hold back your tears because it’s getting too much for you. The last time somebody read your stuff was your father, and right now you feel like you’re betraying the intimate moments you had with him. He was the one you would share your songs first with him. Now that he’s gone, you couldn’t put yourself out there to have someone else read it. You turn back around and you try to give a smile to Harry. 

“It’s okay, I- I just have to go. I’m sorry. We can talk later.” You push past Harry to make it to the front door, but you feel someone hand on your wrist so you immediately stop. 

“Y/N, I can’t have you leave, when I know that you’re not okay. Can you please talk to me? Please?” There’s a hint of sadness in Harry. You couldn’t bring yourself to leave him without having the answer he’s yearning for. 

You turn around and there’s Harry. His green eyes are pleading with yours, and you couldn’t help, but do what Harry is asking you to do. 

“Okay, I don’t want pity. Okay? Tell me you understand.” You ask Harry because the last thing you want from him is sympathy. 

“I promise Y/N. Would you mind if we sit down?” You nod your head and he walks you back with his hand in your hand. You both couldn’t help but feel some sort of palse running inside you both while holding each other's hands. It’s something both of you guys can’t simply forget. 

You got to the couch and you both sat down, no longer holding hands. You adjust yourself so you can face him. “Okay. My father died a couple of years ago and he was the only one I let read my stuff first. After he passed I never showed anyone my stuff because it would feel like I’m replacing him. I’m not mad that you read my stuff- I was just surprised, and I couldn’t help it but feel sadness creeping over me. Once again, I’m not angry at you, I’m just adjusting to a new milestone I just crossed without me not realizing it.” You say, and you’re hoping Harry doesn’t say, “Oh I’m sorry”  because you’re sorry to. 

“Well, I’m not sorry for your loss,” Harry says and you couldn’t help, but smile and laugh. “but I’m not sorry that I read it. You have something Y/N and I know you told me you haven’t had any experience in music industry, but fuck that. You have passion and I feel that every time we write something together in the past month, I don’t think I'll be able to forget about you when the summer is over.” Harry says. There was so much sincerity in what he just said.  

You thought it was all one sided because you felt so much being with Harry. You felt you were finally seeing a rainbow you hadn’t seen in a very long time. Harry brings so much out of you that you. Harry was always there when you were scared to take the first step. Him being there with you made it less scary because he was there every step of the way.

Harry didn’t expect he would’ve met someone this summer who would make such an impact on him. Harry thought he would do a lot of hooks up, go to parties and write for the entirety of the summer. But the universe had something planned for him. He met Y/N. He didn’t want to tell Y/N he that he found his first and only love, but he didn’t want to scare her. She could probably feel the same way or she only saw him as a friend but neither of them were ready for that big leap of faith. Even Y/N knew Harry is someone she couldn’t live without because he brings something out of you that you never felt in your entire life and that was courage and faith. 

Y/N met her faith. Only time could tell if faith would lead Harry and Y/N the soulmate they both were looking for.

“Harry, I don’t think I could possibly forget about you.” Y/N whisper because you felt if you used your normal voice the bubble you guys created would shatter within seconds.

Faith is a silly thing because faith could have you longing for something that’s impossible to grasp or faith could have you leaving you vulnerable, but that vulnerability could unlock something you never dreamt was even possible. 

[filterjeons]

only you | kth

✦ pairing: kim taehyung x reader

✦ summary: you didn’t like getting jealous but it was hard not to, especially since taehyung is the man of every girl’s dreams. luckily, he convinces you that he has his eyes for only you

✦ rating: M, not suitable for minors

✦ genre: smut

✦ word count: 10.4k

✦ warnings: hard dom!tae, dirty talk, rough sex, degradation, spanking w paddle, orgasm denial, usage of toys (vibrator and anal beads), oral (m and f receiving), handcuffs, daddy kink, sadism/masochism, cumplay??, hand kink, aftercare 🥰, poor y/n acting bratty 😔, slight slight angst (nearly non-existent), yeri and joy being my spirit animals, and cute ending <3 (tf was that warnings list….n e ways)

You scoff at your boyfriend talking excitedly with your co-worker Irene about an art museum that opened up downtown. As you swirl your straw into the whipped cream of your strawberry milkshake, you mentally kick yourself at your look for a hang-out with your friends. The light blue dress was no match for Irene’s more mature pantsuit which suited her body well. What’s worse was you wore your iconic pigtails, instantly making you look like a child compared to everyone else’s more sophisticated clothes. Even Taehyung, who was just wearing a black T-shirt that fits his form well and beige pants, looked ten times better than you. 

You typically have a lot of self-confidence because after years of being bullied for looking like an elementary schooler, you didn’t have time to mope about yourself and you slowly started to not care anymore but today you feel it all goes down the drain.

“I think Van Gogh’s art is one of my favorites because…” you drown out their conversation and place your head on your hands with annoyance etched all over your face.

“What’s wrong, Y/N~?” Yeri teases, shaking you affectionately. You only grunt in response, which made your close friend giggle. “Is it that time of the month again?” You nod (although it was a lie) as you keep staring at Taehyung and Irene, feeling your stomach do somersaults whenever you see them laugh. Although Taehyung had an intimidating demeanor, he was very sweet and made friends easily. Good for him, since he could make friends with the entire town if he tried. Unfortunately for you, he was prone to many girls being drawn to him like a moth to light and constantly asking for his number, only to give you looks of disgust once they found out that you were his girlfriend. 

Why is he dating some girl who looks like a high school freshman?

Are you sure she’s 20? She looks like a 14 year old!

You absolutely hated that you were treated as a child. The looks you received whenever you walked down the street with Tae already made you feel uncomfortable. You knew you were never good enough and you were terrified that he’ll leave you for someone else, causing your jealous tendencies to kick in. There were plenty of fish in the sea and yet he chose you. You were surprised that he hasn’t broken up with you for your much hotter senior Irene.

Irene and you just strictly had a professional relationship, especially since she was above you in the workplace, and the only person she had a crush on is Kang Seulgi, the founder of a local dance studio near the building where you work. After your work shifts, you would sometimes stop by and watch kids train to be artists, reminding you of the dreams you once had when you were young.

Although you would give anything to be on a stage performing for millions of fans, you were content with your job as a fashion designer and be with your boyfriend who’s such a big flirt. 

“Did anyone tell you that you look like a 6th grader because you’re short and have no boobs?” your other friend Joy cackles, finding your annoyed reactions a source of comedy. Yeri chimes in with the harassment as they continuously made fun of your stature. You immediately throw French fries from Taehyung’s plate at them, embarrassment and anger bubbling inside you from the all-too-familiar teasing. It was different because you were close to Joy and Yeri but it still hurts as they were much more beautiful than you. You couldn’t compare to any of the sexier and mature girls and you didn’t like that way. 

“Aww, don’t say that! She’s still very gorgeous to me and trust me, her boobs are nice,” Taehyung smiled, placing your head on your shoulder. You relished in his praise before realizing that you were mad at him as you immediately pull your head up and look away from him. He looks back at you with confusion on why you were acting that way. Maybe something happened at work or you’re just having a bad day, but he wants to help you in the best way that he can. 

“TMI, man!” Yeri gagged dramatically, Joy following suit as they started to goof around. You would join them but you were still upset. Irene liked girls and Taehyung only had eyes for you so why were you so jealous? Despite your constant second-guessing, your heart was set that you were mad at him, even though the reason was extremely childish. Irene softly chuckled at you three before turning Taehyung’s attention back on her. 

“So, would you like to go to the museum with me sometime?” Irene asked calmly, somehow acting like nothing’s going on. Your insides were fuming, knowing that he’ll say yes because of how sweet he was. You grip Taehyung’s hand, trying to signal him to refuse but when his head bobbed up and down, you knew it was no use. 

“Yeah sure, let me know what time you’d like to go!” he smiled politely to which Irene returned the same

Oh no he didn’t. Not only will the town gossip think that your boyfriend dumped you for Irene but what if he starts to have feelings for her and throw you away? If there was one thing you loved the most in the world, it was Taehyung and you just weren’t ready to let him go.

You’re acting so stupid. It’s just a normal friendly hangout- Despite your head’s protest, you got up dramatically and glared at the two of them.

“Uh y’know what, I’m going to go home now. Irene, I’ll email you the designs for the future lineup and Taehyung, I hope you have fun hanging out at the museum or whatever. If you ever need me, I’ll be in my room by myself and I don’t want you near me,” you spat, immediately getting up and storming out of the diner. You knew you were acting extremely immature and some part of you regret it but how come he doesn’t like it when you interact with your guy friends but it doesn’t work the other way around? 

“Y/N sweetie-” he tried to go after you but you were already out of the door. He sighed with frustration, annoyed that he didn’t get to explain his side. 

“I think we should cancel since your girlfriend’s upset. I’m sorry, it was wrong for me to ask you to hang out and I know that we see each other as friends only. I just wanted to ask you because I was thinking about taking Seulgi there and she really likes art plus I figured Y/N would enjoy that kind of date,” Irene sighed, regret forming in her eyes.

“It’s okay, it’s not your fault. I’ll talk to her, she’ll understand once she hears the full story.” Taehyung bids the girls farewell and runs after you. Irene gives him a nod as Joy and Yeri sit uncomfortably. 

“Well, who’s gonna pay the bill?” Yeri shrugged and all eyes were immediately on Irene, who only replied with an eye roll. 

You refused to come out of your room for the rest of the day, still holding onto that grudge. Taehyung was getting annoyed at your lack of communication, he initially tried to get in by baking your favorite cookies but you didn't budge. You didn’t like ignoring Taehyung as well and you would rather be in his arms instead of sewing dresses for work but your petty heart didn’t want to let go.

You tried reasoning with yourself but once you’re set on something, you can’t get yourself to go the other way. As you stitch pieces of fabric together, the temptation grows even more.

Eventually, you couldn’t be cooped up in your room forever so as you sneakily made your way down to your kitchen to get some of Taehyung’s cookies (although he didn’t know how to put on an apron, he was an amazing baker), you felt a pair of arms wrap around your waist and his body behind yours. You gasped at the shock as his low chuckle vibrated against your back.

“Got you baby!” he grinned, hugging you tightly. You wanted to melt yourself into his embrace and beg for his forgiveness but a part of you wanted to prolong the chase and continue to be a brat because inside that sweetheart is a scary hard dom, and you wanted to see him turn aggressive. His duality always kills you and as much as you love being sweet and soft with him, his dominant aura is always your favorite. 

“Leave me alone,” you grumbled, trying to push him off but he still kept on, even when you’re trying to go back to your room. 

“I’m not going to let you go~,” he said in a sing-song voice, clinging onto your back like a koala. You debated to yourself if you wanted to do this and on a whim, you did what would be one of the scariest things in your life.

“Leave me the fuck alone! Go away, I-” you growled, using your force to push him out and that’s when you immediately knew you fucked up. 

“Go on, repeat those fucking words,” Taehyung’s voice suddenly dropped extremely low, thanks to him being a baritone as he turned your shoulders around to face him. His eyes were now filled with anger and lust and you felt sweat dripping down your back, you knew you were in trouble. 

“I-I-” you couldn’t find the courage to talk, your heart was pounding against your chest and you knew that you can’t make a comeback so you immediately got into your submissive position on your knees, fear evident in your face. 

“I’m sorry, Daddy! I-I didn’t mean it-” you blubbered, knowing that he’s not going to go easy on you tonight and you were terrified of what was to come. 

Taehyung only scoffed and pulled you up, dragging you into your shared bedroom by your hair and manhandling you onto your bed on all fours. You felt your heartbeat a billion times faster and you tried sticking your ass out to feel him but to your dismay, there wasn’t his familiar warmth. He was on the other side of the room, going through the black box in his closet that kept all of your toys. You tried decorating it to at least make the outside look cute but it still looks intimidating inside and out. 

“You’ve been such a brat today and it made Daddy so fucking angry. Now tell me baby girl, why am I mad at you?” 

“U-um, I was jealous towards Irene, I was overreacting, I didn’t talk to you about it, and I was a meanie bitch and ignoring you.” “Do you wanna know why Irene asked me out that time? She wanted to go because she was thinking about taking Seulgi on her first date there and she asked me to visit it with her to see if you might be interested in going with me sometime. I assume you already know that Irene liked girls but you were jealous for what? Do you not believe me when I say I love you everyday?” You felt your heart drop to your chest as you started to cry with embarrassment and shame on how you acted. You definitely shouldn’t have stormed out without an explanation and here you are paying the price for it. 

“I-I’m sor-” “I’m not accepting any apology from you tonight because it’s my turn to be mad. Don’t think you’re getting a break tonight because the only way to make up for what you did today is to take everything that I give you. Are you going to obey or be the naughty slut that you’re always are?” he suddenly appeared next to you and growled deep into your ear, nibbling your earlobe. You nodded quickly, your panties slowly becoming wet as butterflies started to fill your stomach. 

He felt your panties underneath your dress and scoffed at the slick coming out. “Stupid fuckslut likes that? Of course she does because she’ll do anything just to get a cock stuffed inside her. What a shame, I thought you were a good girl but I guess I was wrong. You’re just a dumb little baby.” You mewled quietly at his degradation, his voice was cold and cruel but it was such a turn on. 

“What’s the safe word, honey?” “S-star-” “Alright then, fifty slaps with no exceptions. Don’t think you can bargain with me baby because I’m not going any lower,” he snarled, tearing your flimsy panties off and massaging your ass cheeks to prepare you for what’s going to come, a small act of kindness in comparison to his terrifying aura. “Count bitch.” 

You braced yourself for the sharp hit but instead of his familiar calloused hand, your ass was met with a harder sting that immediately turned your flesh red. You widen your eyes as you piece together what’s happening. Although Taehyung bought a paddle long ago, he never had any reason to use it but today was the day because of your bratty behavior. 

After that slap, it was hard for you to talk due to how sudden the hit was. Tears were threatening to fall down your face as you tried to take in the spank. 

“Did I fucking stutter? I said count,” he said sternly, hitting you again and snapping you out of your daze. 

“O-oh, one!” you cried, your ass hurting from the force of the paddle. What’s worse is that it’s a wooden one, leaving your marks and bruises for the next day. Although it’s the weekend, you were sure that you’re not going to sit properly for a whole week. Then again, have you ever sat normally whenever Taehyung fucks you? Meanwhile, Taehyung is completely enjoying the red and purple bruises that are forming in your skin as he hits all of his frustration at your behavior to your ass. It sounds completely wrong but the way your body reacts to the paddle and your choked moans and whimpers of pain is just a turn on to him. He never knew he liked having you act like this until he put you in this position, giving him all of the control. His pants started to tighten as he thinks about you attempting to walk or sit down after he’s done with you. 

You stifle in sobs as you called out numbers following the hits you received. Despite the absolute pain you felt, you could feel even more slick coming down your thighs as he continues to smack the back of your thighs and your ass. Even though a part of you is chiding you for finding some pleasure in being hurt like this, you liked the pain nonetheless. 

Apparently, your arousal couldn’t be more obvious because as he reached the halfway point of his 50 spanks, he started to notice how wet your pussy was.

“Wow, you fucking slut, you seem to be enjoying this huh? Does it turn you on? Does being in pain get you off?” he mocked, your heart taking his words sensitively. You let out a shaky moan, nodding with pleasure flowing through your body. 

“Well lucky for you because I like this as well. Honestly, I like it too much if I’m being completely honest.” You were shocked at his confession, trying to consume the fact that your sweetheart boyfriend actually liked hurting you. It was definitely a surprise but for some sick reason, it was such a turn on. Hey, maybe you two were truly meant for each other because you liked the pain that he gave you. However, that statement was a distraction from your current situation at hand. He started to slam the paddle faster, the pain hurting 10 times more and you swore that there will be splinters by tomorrow. You let out screams and higher-pitched moans from the impact, covering your face with your pillow to somehow relieve you from his actions. 

“Did you want to piss me off? Were you that much of a horny bitch that you’ll do anything to have my big cock stuffed inside you? No, I don’t have to ask that because I know you do. You’re aching in that tight little pussy from my words, huh? Even though you’re lowkey scared of it, you’re getting wet from the spanking. Stupid little cockwhore.” You could nearly cum from his cruel words, his deep and raspy voice talking to you as if you’re inferior to him. You could barely form words now as you just drooled and babbled on the pillow. 

He landed the last two hits on the back of your thighs and the top of your ass respectively. Just for the fun and pleasure for him, he gave you an additional slap with his hand and giggled at your sobs from the surprise. 

“Jesus, that was so hot. I nearly jizzed in my pants thanks to you. Seeing you in pain is such a turn on,” Taehyung muttered, sitting next to you on the bed and facing you towards him. He mockingly pouted at your sniffling face, wiping away the tears that were splattered around your cheeks.

“Are you okay? Did I go too hard?” he asked with concern, a complete 180 from what he was before as he gave you small kisses on your face. You found it so sweet how as much as he likes punishing you, he still cares so much about your safety because he is your boyfriend after all. Although the spanking was intense, you weren’t in danger and everything was consented. 

“Daddy...I’m okay,” you croaked, trying to nuzzle your face in the crook of your neck and although his eyes showed some warmth, his face turned expressionless after a minute of checking up on you.

“Did you learn your lesson yet?” 

You knew that this was like child’s play to him and he can go longer. Even though you were kind of nervous, you wanted him to snap and show his scarier side. You shook your head in response to his question, starting to revert back to your bratty self. “Well, that was nothing. I don’t know if you can handle me but it didn’t work.” Taehyung obviously didn't believe you, judging from the look in your eyes and your quick movements that you were clearly affected by the spanking. He also knew that you were lying right out of your teeth and you want him to put you in your place. Obviously, it’s what he’s going to do. He’s going to make you learn your lesson no matter how much you’re going to act up because a fact that Kim Taehyung knows is that there’s no better brat-tamer than him. 

“Hmm, I don’t think I can forgive you yet because you’re still lying like dumb little girls do when they want something. How sad, I guess you’re going to need more punishments until I get that attitude out of you,” he says, feigning disappointment in his tone. 

You felt your heart dance at his words before realizing that he has more in mind than the spanking. You whimper at his words and he rolled his eyes at you, knowing how much you’re enjoying this. 

All of a sudden, he ripped off your dress like it was nothing, the now ruined fabric fluttering lifelessly towards the ground. How was he able to tear it apart like that? Has he been working out?, you thought, especially since you swore that the dress was hard to tear. You whined at what he did, especially since it was a staple part of your wardrobe and one of your favorites. However, he didn’t care about your reactions as he easily snapped your bra into two pieces, throwing the destroyed material in some corner of the room. 

A wave of embarrassment ran through your body at the fact that you were completely bare and he was still clothed. You tried to cover your chest but it was no use as he forcefully pulled your arms away, exposing your breasts to him. 

“Your body is so beautiful, don’t be shy,” he crooned, playing with your nipples and flicking the sensitive bud. Taehyung’s face went up to your neck, kissing your sensitive spots and sucking on it to make hickeys. “But they’d look more gorgeous with my marks, huh?” You let out a shaky moan, already turned on by his ministrations and the ache between your legs growing worse but to your dismay, he ended there and got off of the bed. Disappointed at his sudden stop, you started to whine and thrash among the sheets but a sharp glare from him had you obey instantly. 

“Stay there baby girl, you’re definitely not off the hook,” he sighed, walking back to the black box to retrieve some of the toys. You inhaled a shaky breath, nervous on what’s going to happen. You tried to peer behind his broad back to see what he picked up but you could only hear his sinister chuckle instead. 

“D-daddy, what are we gonna be using?” you squeaked, hating the obvious fear in your voice because he knows that you’re nervous about what he’s going to do and use it to your advantage. Your boyfriend comes back and throws a bunch of toys on the bed, each one somehow being more intense than the previous. The handcuffs and vibrator were easily familiar to you as you’ve used them before but the last toy was what caught your attention the most. 

Anal beads?! He’s absolutely insane!, you internally screamed, staring at him with wide eyes while he brought a bottle of strawberry lube on the nightstand. It wasn’t like you were scared of it or anything, it was just so surprising that he’s going to use it on you now. You’ve heard about them from Joy who said that although the feeling was strange at first, it felt good later on and you took her word in mind. Now that the toy was out in the open, it reminded you of when you saw it in the box while you were searching for your sewing kit and talked to Taehyung about it. While you both decided that you’ll wait a bit until there was a time where it’ll be used, you never thought it would happen now (but you sort of understand as you are getting punished now).

“Are you ready honey? Is this okay?” he asked gently, rubbing your back to calm you down. You nodded, slowly feeling your nerves go away after some reassurance. 

“What about you? Do you think you’re ready?” you sassed back, the all-too familiar bratty attitude showing. “Oh, you wanna play that game? I’m just worried because you can barely take my dick but since you’ve been too naughty, you’re gonna take it like a good girl,” he teased, a blush forming in your cheeks as he settled you down on all fours. Compared to your height and Taehyung’s, he was obviously huge under his pants and although you liked getting dicked down until the next day, the aftermath is definitely not that pleasurable. 

You instructed yourself to take deep breaths, bracing yourself for the toy. 

“You ready, kitten?” he called out from behind and you nodded rapidly, wanting to get it over with as soon as possible. All of a sudden you felt the first bead ram inside you, making you feel sparks of pleasure. “That’s my good girl.”

Luckily, there were a total of three beads for a start since it was your first time but the first one already felt huge. Maybe it’s due to your inability to take big stuff well but you were terrified on the other two that are twice as big.

“O-oh my god...I-“ you gasped out, trying to accommodate the small sphere into your hole. 

“Why are you acting like it’s too much for you? Come on, I know you can take more than that,” he chided playfully, lubing the second bead to insert it inside you.

“I-I- don’t know if I can!”

“Shh, you want Daddy to forgive you right? You’re my big girl, it’ll be alright.”

You let out a whine as the second was inserted, making you feel full already. Taehyung thumbs at your hole soothingly to try to make you less worried and to make the bead more comfortable in you.

He observes your state right now: your face red from the stimulation and smothered on the plush pillows, your body was bent to display your gaping hole, and your walls fluttering around the pink bead to accommodate the intrusion. Your position was just enough to make his pants feel increasingly tight and uncomfortable.

“Damn, you look so sexy,” he murmured, his praise making you feel good and embarrassed at the same time.

“One more sweetie, one more.” That was the sentence that had you in fear. Surely two beads was enough for you, it’s gonna be hard for you to take the full thing!

“Daddy, i-it’s too much! I don’t think I can handle it!” you cried but the pillow muffled your words.

“You got this, you’ve been a good girl so far,” Taehyung coos, tapping the end of the bead that was currently in you to tease you. With his praise in mind, you decided to go through it as you tried to spread your legs and push your ass out even more to make the last bead more comfortable in you.

Luckily, he was kind enough to add a large amount of lube to make it less painful while toying with the end of the previous one inside you. 

You focused on relaxing yourself so that you’re not tense and reveled in his gentle motions against you. After one more, it’ll all be over, right?

“Good girl, you’ve been such a good girl for me. One more, okay?” 

He slowly inserted the last bead, watching your hole attempt to expand and take it in. You let out a squeal, trying to fit it inside. Your boyfriend watches your fluttering walls straining around the pink toy as it stretches to fit it in alongside the other beads. Eventually, you made it fit with the aftermath of being completely plugged up in your behind.

“Hah~ oh, s-so big,” you moaned, trying so hard to fit the beads inside you. Your nerves were on fire, the toy giving you new sensations you never knew you could feel. It didn’t hurt but you felt full despite only being three spheres.

“That’s my good girl,” Taehyung sighed with content, tapping the end of the last bead to slowly push it inside you by centimeter.

“Daddy, it’s too much! I-I-I don’t think I can do it, it’s too big-“

With one quick motion, Taehyung flipped you on your back and you felt the beads push deeper in your hole, hitting your spots.

“Aww, my little slut can’t take it? Is she too sensitive? Such a little baby, you look so cute in this position, especially since you’re so sensitive!” Taehyung cooed as you let out broken moans due to the overwhelming pleasure. “You’re lucky that I’m not that mad as I was before. Keep those beads in you until I decide when I want to take them out.”

You nodded blankly, his words barely registering in your hazy mind. You didn’t know how much longer you can to, especially since Taehyung sounds like he wants to fuck you stupid. 

“Hey, you okay?” he asked softly, waving a hand over your face. Quickly snapping out of your daze, you nodded and tried to snuggle up towards him. He laughed at the cute action, playing along with the simple moment until he brought out a pair of handcuffs in front of your face. Yup, you’re still in trouble, you sighed to yourself, forgetting about why he’s acting that way.

“It’s not the furry ones?” you pouted, blatantly swallowing at the hard metal.

“You’ve done too much to even think about getting the soft ones. It’s okay, you won’t feel the pain once I make you feel good.” Obediently, you brought out your wrists without him asking and he attached the cuffs within a second. Surprisingly, he gave you a kiss on the cheek and patted your head affectionately, your all-too familiar kind boyfriend emerging for a split-second.

“You’ve been a good girl so far, keep it up and maybe your punishment will end quickly,” he murmured, massaging your sides and spreading your legs apart. You felt him kiss the inside of your thighs and kitty-licking your slit, the teasing immediately turning you on even more.

“T-tae,” Although he was barely doing anything, you already felt even more sensitive especially with the anal beads inside you. You wanted to tug on his dark black locks, at least clutching onto a part of his body, but the handcuffs made it impossible to. It wasn’t even chained to the bed but it was no use fighting against it.

Taehyung could sense how impatient you were, your hips thrusting up uncontrollably to try to at least have some more movement inside your aching pussy. He chuckled to himself at how he made you instantly want him but since he’s in charge, he gets to decide whether or not to pleasure you.

“Shh, only patient little girls get what they want. What’s the magic word?”

Is he seriously doing this right now?, you thought but you immediately answered the question, desperate to at least have something. It must’ve been obvious how needy you’ve gotten because Taehyung’s long slender fingers were inserted in you with no warning.

You let out a shaky moan, your cunt immediately clenching around his fingers as he pushed them in and out at a quick pace. Your brain was completely fried as you couldn’t think or say anything except the feeling of euphoria you were in. Despite having his fingers inside you before, it felt more sensitive and pleasurable this time and you were ready to cum.

Unfortunately for you, he pulled his hand away from your needy pussy despite your attempts to trap it with your thighs. You started to whine and kick from the denial, upset that you didn’t get to finish.

“Calm down, we haven’t gotten to the real fun yet. You’ll be my good girl, right?” he said calmly, reaching over for the vibrator and inserting the batteries in. Normally, the pink toy didn’t have an effect on you because you used it numerous times while Tae was gone but for some reason, you felt nervous as if it was your first time using toys. You absolutely knew he was going to edge the hell out of you and although it was not that pleasurable for you, the build-up to your orgasm only for it to be cut away is a source of entertainment for him. 

But since you’ve been consistently good ever since he put in the anal beads, you were hoping that he’d let you come this time. 

You felt the head of the vibrator rub against your folds, the moisture slowly gathering onto the tip and the sheets. It was currently at the lowest speed and you were aching for it to be filled inside you. The buzzing of the toy was the only sound that rang out in the room and Taehyung didn’t say a word but his expression told you about what he’s going to do. 

All of a sudden, he suddenly inserted the vibrator inside you, the sudden intrusion igniting a small fire inside your body as it tries to take in the sensation. Even though the feeling shouldn’t be completely new to you, you felt overly sensitive like it was your first time. 

“T-tae, oh my god. I-i, oh...” you moaned lightly, wanting to feel a part of him but he prevented that from happening. Knowing the effect that he had on you, Taehyung slowly started to peel off his shirt due to the increasing temperature in the bedroom. With his tanned skin and toned stomach on display, the temptation of wanting to break free from the handcuffs was just too much. 

“Da..daddy...please…” 

“Yeah? Does it feel good? Are you glad you finally had something in that slutty cunt?” he taunted, turning the vibration up to the highest. The switch in level made you clench around the toy tightly, slick coming out of your system rapidly. He aimed the head to your clit, making the sensation feeling even better and getting you near your orgasm. 

Your body felt like it was on fire as you didn’t know where to focus yourself on. Since Taehyung restricted you from grabbing onto something to settle yourself, it just felt like you were in a different headspace. The amount of pullings you did onto the handcuffs are going to leave marks on your wrists but honestly, it was the least of your concerns at this point. 

He suddenly removes the wand from your clenching pussy, hovering it around your folds as you leave more slick from the slight movement the vibrator had on you despite not completely being inside you. Your juices were drenching onto the bedsheets and his hand and a part of you felt embarrassed but if Taehyung had no shame, neither then you. 

“Do you want something inside you? Does your cute little pussy want to be filled up?” he said darkly, waving his long and slender fingers in front of your face. He absolutely knows how much you love his fingers, at least 3 of them filling you up well. 

“Y-yes daddy, mmph, p-please fill me up with your long, oh god, fingers…” you purred, your eyes drooping from how much pleasure you’re receiving. 

“Keep your eyes up babygirl, I want you to stare at me while I make you feel good.” Taehyung aligns the head against your clit again as he inserted one of his fingers inside. The action caused you to let out a small scream, your body starting to shake on how much he’s doing to you. 

“T-Taehyung-” “Is that my name?” “I’m sorry, D-daddy! I-i-it’s so much, I don’t know if I can take it!” you whimpered, your juices coming out of you at an increasingly fast rate and your hands pathetically thrashing onto the restrains. 

“Yeah? My little baby can take it, this is nothing isn’t it?” he smirks, adding two more fingers to completely stretch your walls out. You felt yourself jolt from the increased action, tears starting to form at the corner of your eyes. 

“Da..daddy, shit, shit, oh, it’s so much, I, I,” you mewled, your body in cloud nine as you try to form sentences in your brain. Although you didn’t talk much, your moans and whimpers were music to his ears as Taehyung was satisfied with himself that he got you in this way. 

“Aww, it’s too much? Too bad, you know you want more than a vibrator. I know you’re dying for me to pound this tiny little pussy with my big fat cock. You want to feel my dick deep inside your stomach and try to keep my cum inside you, huh? Do you want that, you little fucktoy?” 

You didn’t know how he could read you like a book but it was what you wanted nonetheless. A flash of pink flew across the room before hitting against the wall, the identity being the vibrator that Taehyung was using on you a few minutes ago. Although you could still feel his fingers pump inside you, your clit was instead covered by his mouth. 

“Ahh! Oh my god, oh my god! Daddy!” you shrieked, your attention being directed on him. He swirls the bud with the flat of his tongue and occasionally flicked it to help send you off. Surprisingly, his fingers were still moving as well and you felt them hit the spongy texture of your g-spot, your body reacting to the sensation sensitively. 

You felt the all-too familiar knot in your stomach, signalling your orgasm. With the insane amount of pleasure, he would be too cruel to deny it. With your mind becoming absolutely hazy, the last thought you had was to finally release. 

Unfortunately, your thoughts weren’t answered because after a few more pumps, he immediately pulled his fingers out and his mouth was nowhere to be found on your clit. 

“Do you think I’m gonna let you cum? I don’t think so,” he mocked, sucking off the liquids and watching your body thrash against the bed from the denial. 

“Wh-what? Why? Why?” you whined loudly, the build-up fading away and your mind was back to the present. Of course he wasn’t going to let you cum right away despite how good you were because it was still a punishment. 

“Because I said so,” he stated in a matter-of-fact way, mesmerized at your body’s reactions. 

“But I’ve been good! I obeyed when you put in the anal beads-” “That’s not enough though.” 

“What the actual hell? You’re such a dick!” you muttered angrily, trying to catch yourself from the denial. Although it was pretty quiet, Taehyung’s ears picked it up and he was definitely not happy with what you said. 

“What the fuck did you say?” he growled, placing himself next to you and choking your throat with just enough force that was typical whenever you were acting up. You gasped at the lack of oxygen as you tried to form an excuse. 

“I-I’m sorry-” “Shut up. I thought I fucked the attitude out of you but I guess you still need to be taught a lesson. You’ve been using your bratty mouth too much, perhaps you’ll learn how to silence yourself with my cock inside it,” he snarled, standing up to remove his pants and boxers, the outline of his dick already making you hot and bothered. 

Although you’ve been living with your boyfriend for a long time now, his dick size never fails to impress you. Unfortunately, it means that he’s not going to have mercy on you, especially since you pissed him off. 

“I thought you were going to be a good girl but you just love acting up, do you? Do you like being a stupid slut? Did my little girl grow up to be a dumb brat?” he scoffed, pulling down his undergarments to reveal his huge cock, the tip hitting his belly button area before standing up proudly. You felt your mouth water at his size, wanting to take the whole thing inside you. 

“Well, what are you waiting for? Are you going to obey like a good baby or are you going to keep on talking with that bratty little voice?” he snapped, taking you out of your gazing. You nodded obediently, not saying a word otherwise you would get in even more trouble. Taehyung stroked his cock for a bit, the pre-cum acting as lube to make it easier for you to swallow. 

Once his tip was placed in front of your lips, you immediately opened and took his length inside you, trying to fit as much as you can. Normally, you could suck a good half but since you’re on thin ice from your behavior, he’s definitely going to make you take the whole thing. Hearing his low husky moans made you feel better, knowing that you’re at least doing it right. 

You could feel him inch deeper inside you until you were nose deep between his balls. Taehyung’s head was thrown back and sweat was dripping down his face as his tip went past your gag reflex, the warm and wet sensation making the feeling extremely sensational. 

“D-addy, do you want me to-” you garbled, trying to form words but they came out as mostly gibberish due to the amount in your throat. 

“Choke on it, slut.” He starts to thrust forwards and backwards at a fast pace, one that you’re not accustomed to. Due to his length being too much for you to handle, you felt a long stream of tears flow down your cheeks as you try to hollow your throat to accommodate him.

“God, that feels so good. Finally my little baby is using her mouth for something good,” he grunts, placing his hands on your shoulders to thrust quicker. The low moans and growls he makes while you suck his dick turns you on, the all-too familiar ache between your legs building up again. “Do you like gagging on my cock baby girl?” You let out a nod which only made your breathing harder so you instructed yourself to breathe through your nose. Taehyung wasn’t looking empathetic for now as he smiled sadistically while chasing his own high. 

With your face being near the base of his cock and your jaw slacked to attempt to take him and make it easier for you, you truly thought he was cruel for making you take him whole. Hearing your little gags and garbles starts to make him go faster as he thrusts in and out of your mouth at an inhuman-like pace while you try to suck on him better to get more of his reactions. 

“God, you look so fucking hot like this. Your mouth feels so so good, I’m gonna cum,” he gasps, your little whimpers vibrating against the underside of his shaft. You felt a line of saliva flow down the corner of your mouth as your throat starts to close around his dick. 

“Gonna cum, yeah fuck baby, I’m gonna cum,” he chants, his thrusts slowing down and after a loud moan of your name, his hot and sticky liquid spurted down your throat. You decided to take it down your throat, slowly sucking on it to clean his seed from his dick as he gently took it out from your mouth. With the length removed, you let out a deep gasp of breath as you struggled to breathe properly. 

“Whoa, baby, are you okay?” he asked, patting your back gently in an attempt to help you breathe. After a few minutes of clearing your throat, you nodded while wincing from the ache from the back of your throat. 

“Y-yeah, I’m fine. I’ll be okay,” you gasped, slowly breathing in and out. 

“Good,” he beamed before turning back into his dominant self. However, instead of the coldness that he showed you before, his eyes are more playful and loving. “Did you learn your lesson?” You nodded weakly, cuddling your face against his chest. “I did, I’m extremely sorry Daddy! I didn’t mean to say that.” He pretended to think deeply as if he wanted to accept your apology or not. You prayed that he does because you’ve already been punished enough. 

“It’s okay baby, I forgive you,” he smiled, his iconic box smile popping up on his sunshine-like face. “But know that I’ll always be yours, no matter what and I hope the same for you.” “Duh, now shut up and kiss me,” you snarked and although he rolled his eyes at your abrasive personality, he complied anyways.

“Hold on, let me take your toys off,” he sighed, unlocking the handcuffs and bending you over to remove the anal beads. You moan from the movement as you’ve gotten accustomed to the toy inside you. You watch intently as he carefully places them on the nightstand to disinfect later and carries you to the bed. “You ready for my dick, baby girl?” His tip was placed against your folds, teasing you slowly. You let out a shaky moan, wanting this just as much as he does. Taehyung took it as a yes as he slowly entered inside you, grunting from the inclusion. “Damn, you’ve gotten so much tighter, huh?” You just let out shaky moans and whimpers in response as you feel him completely enter you and fill you up. Your walls were fluttering around his length as you tried to take as much as him in, causing him to let out a low groan. 

“Jesus fuck…” he grunted, as he immediately took his cock out, hovered it above your cunt, and slammed it inside you with such force. You let out a scream from the action, catching you off guard as you try to match up with his quick pace. 

Like it was nothing, Taehyung snapped his hips quickly like it was child’s play as he fucks you deeper and harder, more intense than all of your previous rounds. He touches his bulge that’s deep inside your stomach, causing you to let out a whimper from his smirking face upon you. 

“Yeah, does my little baby like being filled up and having my cock be deep inside her?” he asks while fucking you like no tomorrow. 

“O-oh my god, yea, yes Daddy,” you purred, your half-droopy eyes interlocking with his, a simple but cherished action he likes during sex. It can be intense and a bit awkward at times, especially since he has a look that could make anyone fall on their knees on a normal day, but his dark starry eyes were to die for. After a minute, you look away with embarrassment but Taehyung cups your cheek and continues to stare for a moment longer. 

“Don’t look away from me baby, I wish you can see how much your cute face looks while you’re getting your pussy pounded.” You were getting close to your orgasm again, your pussy clenching and fluttering around his dick. He could sense it too as he starts to pick up the pace and hit against your g-spot more often. “Shit, kitten, are you going to cum now? F-fuck yeah, cum for me now. I wanna see your cute face while you cream around my big dick.” His words were like the tipping point for you to orgasm as the knot that was building up finally lets out. You let out a scream as you felt your liquids gush around him, your mind having no thoughts in the world other than the feeling you have right now and your body is shaking violently from the pleasure. But instead of your usual intensity of an orgasm, you felt yourself squirt everywhere. Not only were your juices splattered onto your boyfriend’s cock but you felt the area around you feel drenched and some of them got onto Taehyung’s stomach and arms. 

He stared at you with wide eyes and an open mouth as he started to thrust sloppily, chasing after his high as well due to the sight. “Fucking shit, you squirted all over me baby. Damn that was so hot.” You whimpered from the sensitivity as he continued, his grunts and moans increasing in volume. “Jesus fuck, holy shit, the things you do to me baby girl.” After letting out a guttural grunt, his dick started to inflate and shoot out thick loads of his seed into your battered cunt. Taehyung slowly exited himself out of you and flopped down on the bed next to you while pushing his long fingers inside to keep his cum in there. You let out a squeal from the intrusion as he slowly brought some of his load in front of your face and tapped on your lips, slightly coating them.

“Can I have them Daddy?” you whispered and he gave you a nod in response. Like there was no tomorrow, you immediately inserted his fingers into your mouth and wantonly sucked on them, savoring the salty taste of his cum. He raised an eyebrow at your behavior and pushed them deeper, the flat of his fingers feeling the back of your mouth. This caused you to gag, the action reminding you when you were sucking on his dick a while ago. 

“O-okay baby that’s enough unless you want to go for another round, but I assume you’re too tired from that,” Taehyung laughed softly, slowly pulling them out to which you whined from the loss. “Are you okay, did I go too far? You did so well.” “Y-yeah, I’m okay,” you mumbled but he still wasn’t completely convinced. His duality always kills you but you were here for it anyways. 

“No, I must’ve gone too far. At any moment, did you feel like you wanted to use the safe word? Remember that if-” “Taehyungie, you were okay! I’m okay and I didn’t want to use it. Besides, you were really hot dominating me like that,” you tried to assure him, rubbing his arms (which have gotten buffer) gently. “You took care of me well too.” “I’m glad to hear that! Hold on babe, I’m going to clean you up and get you some clothes.” He already left to go to the bathroom and during that, it gave you some time to think over your thoughts. Taehyung was truly a marvelous person: his looks were to die for, his personality was sweeter than honey but he can truly dominate someone the next second. You truly were thankful that he appeared in your life but a part of you didn’t understand why. 

He comes out dressed in his old vintage T-shirts and shorts with another oversized T-shirt and a damp towel in his hands. 

“Alright honey, can you lay down on your back for me? I must’ve made a mess.” “Dude, I literally squirted on not only you but the bed as well,” you dead-panned, causing him to laugh. He gently wiped the excess seed that laid on your inner thighs and the top of your private area before slipping a pair of your comfortable panties onto you. You quickly pulled on the shirt, the hem reaching the middle of your thighs and shyly gave him a hug (which was considerably rare for you to start them but with Taehyung, you would do it no matter what). He returned the hug back and laid you down on the bed with him cuddling you, being the big spoon within your relationship. 

You like how his bigger body can easily make you feel warm and you could hear the sound of his heartbeat, the soft feeling making you drowsy. 

“Do you want to sleep now, baby?” he rasps, rubbing the back of your neck and finding the particular spot where it was relieving for you. You nodded back in return as you turned over to face him, completely relishing his warm embrace. 

“Can I ask you something, Y/N? I hope you don’t feel uncomfortable,” he asked slowly, breaking the silence that lingered around the room. 

You nodded, slowly breaking out of his cuddle to face him with wide eyes. Although he didn’t want to break the hug either, he sat up to look at you as well. 

“Y/N, you know that I’m dating you and when I date someone, my attention is on them and because I’m with you, I only see you. My eyes will always be looking at you, I breathe and bathe in your presence daily, and I’ll even shout out to the world that I love you if you ever asked me. I’m completely yours honey and I’m curious on why do you get so jealous whenever a woman talks to me? It might sound insensitive but today you acted different when I talked to Irene. Why is that?” You let out a ragged sigh, unsure if you truly want to tell Taehyung. Of course you knew that Taehyung loved you until the end of time and you obviously feel the same way, but that was the problem. You would completely drop everything just to be with him forever but is it possible for a man like him to agree to that? Taehyung was an obvious romantic and if he had to choose between the world and you, he would choose you but why? Why were you so special that he’s dating you? There were plenty of other fish in the sea but his eyes were set on you. 

You were just another girl who’s trying to survive in the cutthroat fashion world, constantly thinking to yourself on how much of a disappointment you were. Being an idol was a dream you were dead-set on ever since you were a child but you were too chicken to go to an actual audition and spent the early stages of your adult life fighting with your mom to go on a fashion major: a second choice you didn’t really care for but it was a second choice nonetheless. 

Taehyung was a successful photographer with many deals and collaborations from multiple people, some even for famous magazines. His visuals were good enough to even be a Gucci model! He’s good with children and elderly people, he’s an amazing baker, he can play the saxophone, and he could even sing! He shouldn’t be dating some girl who acts like a little kid and has a personality that is absolutely intolerable to most people. 

“Taehyung, why are you dating me? If Irene asked you out on a date, would you go on it while you’re in a relationship with me?” “Of course not, I only have-” “But Irene’s ten times more gorgeous than me, it’s like comparing a swan to a baby duck! What kind of man would turn down a sexier woman for a toddler look alike?” you cried, your emotions showing out as you sobbed onto the comforter. He looked at you with sad eyes, rubbing your arms in an attempt to soothe you but your tears didn’t stop running. 

“Taehyung, you’re literally every girl’s dream boyfriend! Yet you chose me out of all of those girls who I can’t compare to! Why?! I’m literally nothing compared to them; all of my life I’ve been bullied by my stature, my dreams didn’t come true, everyone thinks I’m annoying, and it fucking hurts to hear gossip from the people in this town on why I’m dating you! I’m just not good enough and I’ll never be-” Your ranting was stopped by a kiss, a romantic and passionate one. You started to whimper inside his mouth as he didn’t break away. His lips were quickly detached from yours to kiss away the tears that were slowly dripping down your face. 

“Don’t say another word. I don’t understand why you don’t see yourself the same way I see you,” he said sternly, cupping your face gently. 

“Wh-what? I’m not-” “Never say you’re not something because you’re such a beautiful, smart, funny, creative, and witty person. I know it’s hard to not compare yourself to other women but out of all of them, I only see you. Even though you hate that you’re short and you look young, I promise you it’s one of the things I love the most about you. You’re so cute and it makes me so happy whenever I’m cuddling you and I love taking care of you. And it’s okay if your dreams didn’t come true, everything happens for a reason and if you were an idol, would you’ve met me?” “Not really-” “Exactly, it’s like fate did something and we were always meant to be with each other! Besides, I have some friends who are idols and they absolutely hate it.” “Wow, Taehyung, way to make me feel better,” you said sarcastically, a low chuckle vibrating against you. 

“Plus, I don’t find your personality annoying. It highlights you really well and I think it’s okay to have that kind of humor but if you act too bratty, I’m always there to punish you-” “God, you’re so perverted and this was supposed to be wholesome!” you barked, pushing him off while watching him with disgust as he tries to catch his breath from laughing too hard. 

“Sorry, sorry, the main point is that I love you no matter what and I’ll always think, dream, and bathe in you. You’re my girl and it’s always going to be that way,” he said, giving you another kiss before pulling you back down on the bed and cuddling you again. 

“Th-thank you Taehyung,” you said softly, wrapping an arm around his waist and pulling yourself closer to his chest. It’s so warm and familiar, just the way you like it. You shift around until you’re more comfortable as you melt yourself into him. It was hard to not feel jealous of other girls but you felt better after talking it out and hearing his words. 

“I love you,” he mumbled softly, slowly starting to fall asleep. 

“I love you too.” You moved around for a bit but a sudden pain in your lower area stopped you from wiggling too much. Of course you forgot that you were getting railed a while ago and it’s now the aftermath. 

“Yo Taehyung, why the fuck did you go hard on me? Now it hurts and I don’t think I can walk normally. Hell, I don’t think I can sit down because you spanked me as well!” you snapped, the all too familiar tsundere personality coming out. 

He only had a smirk etched out on his face, pulling you close to stuff your face within his chest. “Sorry, I guess,” he replied sarcastically, chuckling on how you grumbled and complained in response. 

“What does that mean, ‘I guess’? It’s always the doms with the biggest dicks.”

Your ringtone blasted across the room, waking you up from your comfortable and warm sleep with Taehyung. You grumbled to yourself as you groggily stared at the caller ID. Sure enough, it was Irene. Your heart dropped to your stomach as there was no other reason why she was calling you unless to fire you for your behavior at the diner yesterday. 

“Hello?” you answer timidly, praying that you won’t get kicked out today. 

“Hello, Y/N. I hope you’re having a lovely morning today.” “You too. Listen Irene, I’m really sorry on how I acted during the diner that time. It was extremely immature of me to have that attitude and not listen to your side of the story, I guess jealousy got the better of me. I-I promise there won’t be any more instances like this and I’m sorry for causing such inconvenience,” you rambled, sweat dripping down your back as your fate was determined on the other line. 

Silence filled the room and you waited impatiently, tapping your fingers along the headboard of your bed. Suddenly, laughter rang out from Irene’s side and you sighed in a breath of relief that you’re off the hook. 

“It’s okay, I completely understand why you acted that way and I apologize if it may seem like I’m making moves on your boyfriend. Although I would like it if you listened to my side, I’m hoping he did at least.” You stared at his sleeping figure and softly rubbed his bread-like cheeks with affection. “Y-yeah, he did. So, what did you want to call me about?” “Oh, do you know the dress designs that you submitted to me a few months ago?” Your mind went back to you staying overnight at the studio, scrapping pages and pages of different designs to find the perfect one to turn in. Although you were extremely proud, at that time Irene didn’t spend a second to even look at them which lowered your spirits. 

“Yeah, what about them? Did I do something wrong?” “No, you didn’t. In fact they were really lovely and I’m sorry it took me a long time to review them. Actually, I really liked it so much that I turned it into some big name fashion companies and they are deciding to feature them in their latest runway for a fashion week.” Your eyes widened, shock filling your brain as you tried to comprehend what was going on. There was no way, the design that you spent hours perfecting was able to go on the runway?! You let out a high-pitched shriek, instantly waking up Taehyung as he slowly opened his eyes. 

“Oh my god, thank you thank you thank you! I-I can’t believe this is happening!” you squealed, your excitement radiating the room like sunshine on a bright morning. 

“You’re welcome honey, I hope you’re coming up with more designs to possibly submit in the future.” “Of course! Thank you so much, have a great day!” you grinned as the call ended. You started babbling to yourself while Taehyung watched you with admiration surrounding his face. 

“Congratulations baby,” he grinned, giving you a kiss on your lips. 

“Hey, how did you know?” “I heard you screaming ever since the phone rang.” “I mean, I guess you would’ve found out that way. Anyways I’m so excited and happy since this is such a huge opportunity for me! Also, thank you for the support and love you gave me last night,” you said, pecking his cheeks. 

“Anytime baby girl. How about I make some of those fluffy pancakes you like for celebration,” he smiled, walking out of the bed and into the brown slippers you got him for his birthday once. 

“Alright, I’ll be-” Unfortunately for you, your legs stopped working and you tumbled out of the bed. Taehyung only laughed at your fall before carrying you bridal style, much to your embarrassment. 

“Thanks a lot Tae, you really ruined me last night,” you pouted as you made yourself comfortable in his arms. 

“You know you love me right,” he cooed, flicking your cheeks which turned into an embarrassingly bright red. As much as you don’t show it that much, you’re definitely in love with him no matter what. 

Just as Taehyung was about to head off for his photoshoot consisting of a beauty model, he slipped his hand underneath his drawer and beneath the ties hides a velvet red box. And inside the box was a wedding ring that was passed onto from generations of his family. 

You have been dating him for a few years now and although you never admitted it, you were hoping that one day he’ll propose to you. 

Taehyung smiled at the box before closing the drawer to head out his way. There was a legend throughout the Kim family that the ring fits the person who's the perfect wife for the son. The ring was quite small which meant most girls couldn’t fit it but since you have small hands, he checked the size of your fingers and it fit perfectly. 

Many people would ask him why he would choose a short abrasive girl like you as his girlfriend and some may judge but frankly, he didn’t care about what everyone else thought. 

Because he was lucky that destiny allowed him to be with you and the person that he set his mind and future on was only you. 

a/n: this was initially a drabble but i liked the idea sm that i decided to write a whole ff on it lol. thanks for reading, i hope you enjoy and let me know what you think! <3

taglist: @cherrykocho​, @knjkitten​

[boognish-worshipper]

Midnight City AU

this is an au where the main characters are all young adults!! (or millennials ig? they’re in their 20s basically) i gave a rundown of what’s what on a diff post,, i’m also splitting it up into diff chapters,, so this is gonna take a looooong time to finish. i’m posting this before i nitpick my writing to the max

it’s basically a lot of references to that point in time, artists, pop culture etc. all the chapters are named after songs from that era (including the name of this au bc i love midnight city and what better way to describe LS ‼️), and the lyrics r usually connected to what the chapter’s about, or about a character dynamic :D i hope this isn’t too cheesy, or sounds off ig. any typos in this were probably over looked bc i constantly reread my writing and rearrange stuff and make sure it sounds good 🥳 hope y’all enjoy !!! i’m also including a tag to find the chapters under :)

//Chapter 1: Crimewave

Trevor would never, ever admit it, but he had fallen into the category known as “post-hipster”. This was a strange era that began culminating, taking LS by storm. Whether he liked it or not, he could never avoid it. Even if he swore up and down he wasn’t like them, it was practically a paradox. Saying he wasn’t like them just made him a branched off version of the thing he denounced. Each aesthetic that was churned out as the 2010s rolled in were tied to a style, a sound, and Trevor couldn’t care less. It’s not like people liked what he liked. He didn’t belong to anything in particular, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t like them. If anything, he just became another obscure genre in the mix.

One of his favorite music groups was a Canadian duo called Crystal Castles. He enjoyed a good number of their songs, developing an interest for electropunk and pop punk. There was something unique about the sound, and it made Trevor feel special, like he discovered some sort of hidden treasure. He was into pop punk groups like Paramore too, but it was something about them that was just different. People knew Paramore. He often lingered around Sterling Lake, where other post-irony hipsters and classic hipsters resided, careful not to fully associate with them. After all, he apparently despised them, even though he participated in their strange… “culture”. If you could even call it that. From time to time he would find himself discussing his favorite artists with whatever semi-normal person was there, making a couple friends himself who weren’t the snooty kind he’d grown used to.

They all loved talking about how exceptional their taste in music was, a wide variety of people hanging around with their own cliques. Some liked Fall Out Boy, while others liked Blink-182, and then there were the weirdos who liked groups like Radiohead. Most of those guys were whiny, proclaiming how misunderstood they were. He knew maybe one Radiohead song at most (he definitely, definitely never cried to “Creep” and even if he did, so what) but never found himself willingly getting into their music. Then you had the nosedivr crowd, which consisted of mostly girls, and the occasional hipster guy that defected. Their taste was.. alright. Consisted of artists like Lana Del Ray and Marina and the Diamonds, who were their idols. He found almost everyone there besides the few friends he made kind of edgy, and not in the cool way. But he figured all hipsters and guys like them were kind of uncool. Don’t even get him started on those other indie rock types. God. He still came back as often as he could though, establishing some kind of routine. Most people there avoided him anyway, which he preferred. He had enough troubles with them in the past. There was one day he grew tired of the people gawking at him, and he launched a hipster right into the lake. So yeah, nobody within their right mind so much as looked in his direction. That was just how he rolled.

Today, he sat on a nearby bench in Sterling Lake’s park, watching some ducks float on water. His usual friends had been there too, seeing his clowncore buddy Wade with his cousin Floyd. Wade was extremely different than the pretentious fucks around them. He had a shit ton of piercings, and ICP was his favorite music group. Floyd on the other hand, fit right in. Almost too much, like it was something he was forced to do. But he did genuinely enjoy Weezer, of all things you could enjoy. Wade started waving at Trevor, while Floyd hid behind him. All he did was awkwardly wave back, turning his attention back to the lake. He liked Wade, but the clown stuff he wore sometimes spooked him. He didn’t pay much mind to his relative. Looking back across the water, he saw someone new, observing the area. Some dude a little above the average height, hands in his pockets walking around. He seemed a bit lost, and Trevor figured he should help if he was. After all, what was this guy doing here? New people didn’t show up often.

“Hey bud, you lost or something?”

“Oh uh, nah not really. I’m just looking for this girl I met a while ago, said she hangs out around here?”

“What she look like? I’m here pretty often.”

“Uhh kinda short, dark brownish hair? Wears fishnet stockings, high waisted shorts or whatever those grunge people are into.”

“Let me guess, she into the Neighborhood?”

“How’d you know?”

“Yeah, that’s Amanda, she’s a bit of a regular. Not too fond of me I must say.”

“How come?”

“She’s just petty towards me.” He said with a shrug. He didn’t feel like relaying his encounters with her if the guy was dating her or something.

“Oh… well d’ya think you could help me find her? I don’t really know anybody else here. I could actually use the help, since you know her.”

“Eh sure, why not.”

It’s not like he had anything better to do. The two began to walk around the park, gravel and dirt crunching beneath their feet.

“So.. what’s this place about?” The strange guy asked.

“Hm? Oh, it’s just one of those places the hipster folks meet up I guess. Don’t understand it much myself, nor do I really like them.”

“Then why do you come here?”

“Dunno. It’s relatively peaceful, those freaks keep to themselves.”

The man, who was only a smidge shorter than Trevor, glared up at him.

“Hey man, don’t call my girl a freak.”

“Ehh I don’t really count her in with the generic skinny jean wearing hipsters. More of a.. what is it called.. nosedivr type. Whatever that stupid website’s called. Why do you think she dresses like that?”

“Huh.. Never really thought to ask her.”

As he thought about the stuff Amanda wore, he took note of how the man next to him was dressed. He sported an olive jacket with a black turtle neck, and a plain pair of jeans. He wore beat up black converse to top it off, and a pair of Rimmers sunglasses sat upon his head. He looked simple, yet distinguished with the way he presented himself, hair neatly combed back. He figured the two would look nice standing next to one another. They would’ve made an attractive couple, if they weren’t dating already, the kind that turns heads. Trevor wasn’t like them. He wore a black beanie over his mullet, and his favorite pair of red Dix sunglasses rested on the bridge of his nose. The rest of his fit looked disheveled. He had thrown on a wrinkled top, solid black with little surf boards and cars along the bottom- he was a sucker for Hawaiian shirts. His pants were tan colored but had some bleach stains, with old combat boots on his feet.

“Yeah, we may not like each other but I don’t really consider her a freak like those guys.”

He jutted a thumb in the direction of a circle of guys huddled around a phone. The man holding the phone had strawberry blonde hair and a clean outfit on. An expensive looking outfit.

“Who are they?”

“The people here I absolutely cannot fucking stand. The genuine hipsters.”

“Oh.. and you’re..?”

“I’m my own kind. I’m not like these losers, all uppity and shit.”

“Right. Gotcha.”

They walked around a bit more before finding the group Amanda was with. She sat on a bench, chatting with a few girls who dressed similarly to her. All of them had black incorporated into their style. She herself had a black jumper on, tucked neatly into the front of her jean shorts. Just like the guy described, she had fishnets on under them, skater shoes to match. Loose braids fell on her shoulders, and a small black choker was wrapped around her neck.

“Oh, there he is now! Babe! Over here!”

She narrowed her eyes upon seeing Trevor standing next to him.

“Hello, Trevor.” She huffed.

“Relax, I was helping your boyfriend or whatever look for you.”

Her face softened slightly, but still kept a small glare in his direction. She pressed her lips together tight before replying.

“Thanks, I guess.”

“Yup.”

The man turned to face Trevor, sticking out a hand.

“Hey, thanks for showing me around. Trevor, is it?”

“Don’t wear it out.”

He shook his hand, noticing how soft it was. It was in stark contrast to his own, which was rough and calloused.

“Name’s Michael. I’ll see you around most likely? Thanks again.”

“Yeah, no problem.”

Amanda huffed again, nudging Michael’s shoulder.

“Let’s go hun, Bean Machine closes soon!”

“I’m comin’ I’m comin’!”

The two sauntered off, hand in hand. Trevor stood dumbly, watching them walk away. He was right. They did look good together. He wondered if he would actually see this Michael again, kicking a rock. He went back to the bench he originally sat at, putting his earbuds in, listening to some Crystal Castles again to pass the time. The beat thumped in his ears, and all he could think was how much better this shit was compared to that club music shit that played on every radio station in a 5 foot radius. He sat there, scrolling through his own secret nosedivr account, reblogging some photo of a lit cigarette. Right before a hand touched his shoulder causing him to jump.

“What the fuck- Oh. Ron.”

Ron was another friend of Trevor’s, a guy he had met outside one of the iFruit stores talking about how “they’re tapping the phones they sell in there!” and all that conspiracy nonsense. He was a paranoid guy, but Trevor kind of liked that about him. Those were the kind of freaks he liked. He was shorter than Trevor, sort of frail in stature. He wore a bright red windbreaker over a faded tourist tee that read “I went to Liberty City and all I got was this lousy t-shirt!”, along with khaki colored cargo shorts. It didn’t help that he wore some goofy looking bucket hat, and socks with sandals. He dressed like someone’s middle aged father.

“Trevor! Have you seen Wade around anywhere?”

“Last I checked, he was with Floyd.”

“Did he say where he was going?”

“Uh no, but my best bet is they went to that vinyl shop Floyd’s girlfriend works at.”

“Will ya come with me to find him?”

“Now why the fuck would I do that? What do you need him for?”

“Well I- I uh- um..”

“I uh! I uh! Spit it out Ron!”

“It’s about the Merryweather Night Club.”

Merryweather was a big organization that had a wide range of private clubs all over the country, and complimentary body guards to suit. They were all expensive as fuck, and anywhere they settled jacked up the prices of everything else. A lot of neighborhoods became gentrified as a result, and people actually considered it a good thing. What a fucking joke. Trevor of course couldn’t stand it. He hated bullies, and Merryweather was no exception. He’d been wanting to dismantle the club since they settled in LS, seeing as they only amplified the fake feel of the city. Let’s just say he’s gotten into more than a few scuffles with the club. And let’s just say it ended with someone getting stabbed as a result. The guy had it coming to him anyway. Between bouncers and the clubbers, they didn’t like Trevor or his kind loitering around the joint. It didn’t stop him from plotting some sort of revenge though. Ron per usual was on board, his reason being Merryweather’s violent history that had been swept under the rug. They were rather forceful relocating people who had lived in certain neighborhoods for years, Ron being one of their victims. Wade only decided to tag along because he wanted to be included.

“Ah fuck, what’d those bastards do now?”

“They’re throwing some big party!”

“…What fucking for?”

“All I know some guy’s coming to visit, somebody they labeled important and he’s-“

“Woah woah woah wait, Ron. Who?”

“Steve Haines.” He breathed out, careful not to be overheard.

Trevor’s eyes widened, his gaze shooting over to the posse he had poked fun of before. Steve was talking to the group, all of them doing that fake laugh they always did. God, even their humor was pretentious.

“Those fucking hipsters!” He hissed.

“I abhor them, you know that-“

“I know. I know. But, that Weston guy’s gonna be there with him-“

“Weston? Devin Weston?”

If Trevor hated hipsters, then he utterly loathed rich daddy’s money boys like Devin Weston. He had only gotten that stupid fucking night club because his father paid Don Percival enough money to let Devin do whatever he pleased with the Merryweather body guards. It was an elitist club, and they only allowed the best of the best in there.

“What the fuck’s going on there?”

“Something to do with those guys he hangs out with. I think they’re doing something major, expansion maybe-”

“And him and Devin are working together or..?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t hear much after that, that’s why I wanted to grab you and Wade and-”

“Then let’s fucking go get him, Ron!”

The two rushed out of there, heading for the vinyl store to look for Wade. Trevor knew a shit storm was coming, and he absolutely couldn’t wait.

//the next chapter’s gonna be longer i promise lolz

[luminecho]

Hello Echo, question. Do you still have Four brainrot? Follow up question. Do you have any songs that you associate with Four? Thanks bestie <3

Answer 1: Steel, I ALWAYS have Four brainrot <3

Answer 2: I am literally SO FUCKING GLAD you asked, you have no idea how excited I got seeing this holy shit. HELL YEAH I do!! Take a few songs from my playlist

If I include more than 3 Sleeping At Last, Of Monsters And Men, or The Oh Hellos songs on any given playlist or list of songs you may be entitled to financial compensatio-- *looks at this list* oh whoops

1) Crystals - Of Monsters And Men - this might as well be Four’s theme song for all I associate it with him. It’s so good. So so so good.

2) Call Them Brothers - Regina Spektor - Obligatory Call Them Brothers mention. This is not original at all I've seen so many other people talk about this song with Four and-- yeah they're right this song is about Four JKHEHBFDEKF.

3) Bad Blood - Sleeping At Last - I'm biased. If you know me then expect way too many SAL songs from me in any list of songs ever because I will never shut up about SAL and they have a lot of songs I like. So there's 4 SAL songs on this list, deal with it jhkwewjkwjkfh. Anyway Bad Blood gives me so many Four feels. 11/10

3) Soap - The Oh Hellos - THIS SONNGG. Ouugghh. I could probably dissect this song if I wanted to go over every little thing in it that makes me think of Four & why but I already exhausted my song infodumping capacity on the last song on this list so perhaps some other time HDEGJDDEKF. Just. The vibes AND the lyrics. Mannn

4) Forgive Me Friend - Smith & Thell - I have both the original and the acoustic version saved to my Four playlist because I really like both versions hwdfjefke but. There's so many ways this song could be interpreted w/ Four and tbh I'm just gonna leave it up to everyone else because every time I listen to it I think of something else lol.

5) Meteor Shower - Cavetown - I don't have much to say about this one other than thinking about this song gives me a LOT of emotions jhqkdhwbefjk. Just,,, it has a lot of self-acceptance vibes to me when I listen to it in this context and I think I'm drawing those comfort vibes from the melody? Idk but they're there for me lol

6) Glitter & Gold - Barns Courtney - Someone did a mini AMV to this song w/ Four a while back for the LU zine and I've associated the song with him ever since hwdkjgefhkfev. I like the vibes. Reminds me of the forge.

7) Lakehouse - Of Monsters And Men - Idk what it is about this song. It has a mix of homesickness feels and storytelling feels and something about that makes me think of Four. Also there's a line about breaking trust in here somewhere heehee hoohoo Vio go brr.

8) I Dare You - Bea Miller - my brain can't decide if I actually like this song or not for some reason buuuut it has big Four vibes regardless lmao. Mostly in the lyrics. Definitely in the lyrics

9) No Light, No Light - Florence + The Machine - based more off the vibes of the song than the lyrics. i don't really have an explanation for this one, it's just always given me Four vibes for no reason hdwkjfgeh. Shadow too. I have it one both playlists

10) I Have Made Mistakes - The Oh Hellos - probably self-indulgent but this one has the self-acceptance and self-forgiveness vibes than go hand and hand with Four as a character so <3

11) From The Ground Up - Sleeping At Last - something about the line "in an effort to remember what being mended feels like" shakes me to my core. Am I allowed to slap the "self-acceptance" label on this song and call it a day? Cause,,, yeah the self love in this song. Ough. Also the themes of growth and being somewhere that's truly home.

12) Overture III / Awake - Sleeping At Last - Bestie this one's so self-indulgent. This song is pretty new and when I tell you that I latched onto it the DAY I first heard it FTHDGHWJKEFG. I connect so deeply with this song and I can and will project every emotion I experience ever onto Four which means he gets this song too. <3 Also it once again has themes of self-acceptance

13) September 15, 2017: Cassini - The Grand Finale - Sleeping At Last - OH MY GOD *VIBRATES INTO THE FIFTH DIMENSION*

Alright alright alright. Listen. This song is entirely instrumental. So why do I associate it with Four, you may ask?

WELLLLLLLL.

First of all, happy anniversary to the event this song was written about! Or-- well, it was the anniversary when this ask was sent djwhfkhjdewjhke. I took a while to answer it. BUT still. Happy anniversary!

Second of all, strap in cause I’m about to infodump the hell out of this song on my way to explaining my reasoning behind why I associate it with Four. It might seem irrelevant at first but trust me, I’ll get there.

(All the stuff I mention here is all explained in a much better fashion by the artist behind Sleeping At Last on his podcast episode about the song here. I'd absolutely recommend giving it a listen if you're interested!)

Cassini was written about a satellite with the same name that was built with the intention of exploring Saturn. On September 15, 2017, its journey was complete and its course was set to crash into Saturn in a brilliant grand finale. Hence the name of the song.

This song is a medley of four of Sleeping At Last’s songs, written as a mirror of the exact flight path of the Cassini satellite. (SAL has songs about each of the 9 planets + our moon.)

The song starts and ends with Saturn. The beginning is a chorus singing the tune of SAL's "Saturn" and the ending is that the song on the "Astronomy, Vol. 1" album leads straight into SAL’s "Saturn" to symbolize Cassini crashing into the planet. Cool, right?

After the opening the song crescendos with SAL’s "Earth" to represent Cassini’s launch. Cassini passed by Venus twice in its flight, so the part of the song immediately after that is from SAL's "Venus". The next part of the song (and ofc the next part of Cassini’s flight) is Jupiter! It’s very faint and distant since Cassini only passed by the planet. Aaand then finally it reaches Saturn.

Now what does any of this have to do with Four?

Welllllll, it's all a bit of a stretch but LET ME HAVE THIS hdgjhkjdwef.

I mentioned that Cassini is a medley of 4 different SAL songs.

Venus could easily be associated with Red! It’s a love song and love of course comes from the heart and all that. But it’s also a song that reflects wonder and awe and I feel like that’s a very Red feeling.

Jupiter is a song I associate a lot with Green, not only because of the song itself but also because of the planet and Green’s wind element. Jupiter is well-known for its storms! So it seems fitting for Green. Jupiter is one of the songs I have on my separate playlist for Green too. It has vibes of instinct and wanting to make things count and make a difference which I feel like fits him.

I feel like Saturn and Earth are interchangeable with Blue and Vio. I’d probably tentatively assign Blue to Earth and Vio to Saturn for now despite Earth being Vio’s element and me generally associating that song with him a lot more than Blue anyway. Saturn is a song about loss and trying to move on and I think Vio encompasses that feeling and experience. It’s very melancholy and slower-paced too, which fits Vio more. Whereas Earth is a very powerful, somewhat explosive song (which fits Blue’s vibe) about ignorance and possibly arrogance. ALSO if you go with Blue as Earth then it works even nicer because Earth and Venus are woven together very closely in Cassini. Which could represent how Blue & Red are both the "heart" of Four compared to Vio's mind and Green's instinct.

And ALL of these songs are packed into Cassini into a convenient little medley. Four songs blending seamlessly into one another creating a whole song that makes me want to throw my hands in the air and weep.

And how perfect that the day Steel sent this ask is coincidentally the anniversary of the day the song is about. jhkqdwfgehf. It was meant to be :>

[ifuckinglovestvincent]

St Vincent: “Pour a Drink, Smoke a Joint... That’s the Vibe”

Ding dong! Daddy's Home

By Johnny Davis

19/03/2021

Annie Clark, known professionally as St Vincent, picked up a guitar aged 12 after being inspired by Jimi Hendrix. During her teens she worked as a roadie and later tour manager for her aunt and uncle, the jazz duo Tuck & Patti. Originally from Oklahoma, she moved to Dallas, Texas when she was seven and later attended the Berklee College of Music in Boston, Massachusetts for three years, before dropping out.

Clark worked as a touring musician with the Polyphonic Spree and Sufjan Stevens, before releasing Marry Me, her first album as St Vincent, in 2007. By her fifth album, 2017’s Masseduction, she had become one of the most celebrated artists in music, the first solo female artist to win a Grammy Award for Best Alternative Album in 20 years.

She became unlikely Daily Mail-fodder around the same time, thanks to an 18-month relationship with Cara Delevingne, and later Kristen Stewart. Her ever-changing music, dressing up-box image and head-spinning well of ideas have seen her compared to David Bowie, Kate Bush and Prince. To complete the notion of her being the "artist's artist", in 2012 she collaborated with David Byrne on the album Love This Giant.

Indeed, she is surely one of few performers today who could stand in for Kurt Cobain with what’s-left-of-Nirvana, performing “Lithium” at their induction into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame in 2014, as well as cover “Controversy” at a Prince tribute concert in 2020, with such guitar-playing fireworks its author would surely have approved.

Following the glam-influenced pop of Masseduction, St Vincent has performed another stylistic handbrake turn. Complete with a new image – part-Warhol Superstar, part-Cassavetes heroine – she has mined the textures of the music she loved most as a kid: the virtuoso rock of Steely Dan, the clipped funk of Stevie Wonder and blue-eyed soul of mid-Seventies' David Bowie, on her upcoming album, Daddy’s Home.

The title refers to Clark's own father, locked up in Texas for 12 years in 2010, for money laundering in a stock manipulation scheme, one in which he and his co-conspirators cheated 17,000 investors out of £35m. It is also, in typical Clark style, a bit of saucy slang.

Back on the promotional trail, Clark Zoomed in from Los Angeles one morning recently – fully caffeinated and raring to go. “My vices?” she pondered. “Too much coffee, man…”

What question are you already bored of being asked?

There’s not one that’s popping out. There’s no question where I’m like “Oh God, if I ever hear that again, I’ll jump off a building.” I’m chill.

I mention it because prior to releasing your last record you put out a pre-recorded “press conference”, seemingly to pre-empt every inane question the media would throw at you.

It’s so funny. It didn’t really occur like that. Originally that was supposed to be a legit green screen conference. Like, “I’ll just answer these questions ‘cos when they need to have me on ‘The Morning Show’ in Belarus they can have this and put their own graphics behind it”. But then when my friend Carrie Brownstein [collaborator and Sleater-Kinney vocalist-guitarist] and I started writing it and it became very snarky. For some reason it didn’t occur to me that “Oh, that might be off-putting or intimidating to journalists” I just thought "This is silly”. So anyway… I understand.

We're curious about your dad and the American legal system.

I have had a lot of questions about that. For some reason it didn’t occur to me how much I would be answering questions about… my hilarious father!

How do you view his time in prison?

Just that life is long and people are complicated. And that, luckily, there’s a chance for redemption or reconciliation, even after a really crazy traumatic time. And also anybody that has any experience with the American justice system will know this... nobody comes out unscathed.

You recently presented an online MasterClass: "St. Vincent Teaches Creativity & Songwriting". One of the takeaways: “All you need are ears and ideas, and you can make anything happen”. Who’s had the best ideas in music?

Well, you’ve got to give credit to people who were genuinely creating a new style – like if you think of Charlie Parker, arguably he created a new style. This hard bop that was just absolutely impossible to play. It was, like, “Check me out – try to copy me!” So, that’s interesting. I think Brian Eno, for sure, has some great ideas about music – and obviously has made some of the best music. Joni Mitchell – completely singular. I mean: think about that. There are some people who are actually inimitable – like, you couldn’t possibly even try to imitate them.

It’s a brave soul who covers a Joni Mitchell song. Although, apologies if you actually have.

No, I have not. And there’s a reason why not. Come on – Bowie. Bowie never repeated himself. David Byrne also didn’t repeat himself. He took all of his influences of classic songs and the disco that was happening at the time, and the potpourri of downtown New York music from the mid- to late Seventies… and synthesised it into this completely new, other thing. I mean, that’s impressive. Those are the ones we remember.

How hard is it not to repeat yourself?

It’s whether people have the Narcissus thing or not. Like, it’s always got to be a balance where you’re, like, “Well, I need to believe in myself to make something and be liberated. But I can’t look at that pond of my previous work and go ‘Oh you! You’re gorgeous!’” So I don’t go back and listen to things I’ve done. I finished Daddy’s Home in the fall and it was, like, “This is done” and it felt great. I loved the record and it was so fun to make. But what I did immediately afterwards was to write something completely different. But then I don’t know, ‘cos there are people who do the thing that they do just great. And you just want to hear more songs, in the style of the thing that they do great.

Right. No one wants an experimental Ramones album.

Exactly. Or, like, or a Tom Petty record. I don’t want a tone poem from Tom Petty! I want a perfectly constructed, perfectly written completely singalongable three-chord song.

The new album has a very “live” Seventies feel. I’d read that some of the tracks are first takes. Can that be right? It all sounds very complicated.

That’s not right. I should say [rock voice] "Yeah, that’s right, we just jammed…" But, you know, I’ll be honest. There are some vocal takes in there that are first takes. But it really is just the sound of people playing. We get good drum takes. And good bass takes. And I play a bunch of guitar and sitar-guitar. And it’s the sound of a moment in time, certainly. And way more about looseness and groove and feel and vibe than anything else [I’ve done before].

Amazing live albums, virtuoso playing, jamming – those were staples of Seventies music. Have we lost some of that?

I mean, I can wax poetic on that idea for a minute. In the Seventies you had this tremendous sophistication in popular music. Stevie Wonder, Steely Dan and funk and soul and jazz and rock…. and all of the things rolled into one. That was tremendously sophisticated. It just was. There was harmony, there were chord progressions.

What else from that decade appealed to you for Daddy’s Home?

It reminds me of where we are now, I think. So, 1971-1976 in downtown New York, you’ve got the Summer of Love thing and flower children and all the hippy stuff and it’s, like, “Oh yeah, that didn’t work out that well. We’re still in Vietnam. There’s a crazy economic crisis, all kinds of social unrest”. People stood in the proverbial burned-out building. And it reminds me a lot of where we are today, in terms of social unrest, economic uncertainty. A groundswell wanting change... but where that’s headed is yet to be seen. We haven’t fully figured that out. We’re all picking up pieces of the rubble and going “Okay, what do we do with this one? Where do we go with that one?” Being a student of history, that was one of the reasons why I was drawn to that period in history.

Also: that’s the music I’ve listened to more than anything in my entire life. I mean, I was probably the youngest Steely Dan fan. It didn’t make me that popular at sleepovers. People were, like, “I want to listen to C+C Music Factory” and I was, like, “Yeah, but have you heard this solo on [Steely Dan’s] ‘Kid Charlemagne’”? That music is so in me. It’s so in my ears and I feel like I never really went there [making music before]. And I didn’t want to be a tourist about it. It’s just that particular style had a whole lot to teach me. So I wanted to just dig in and find out. Just play with it.

Is there a style of music you don’t like?

That I don’t like?

You're a jazz fan...

I love jazz. Are you kidding me? I was that annoying 14-year-old who was, like, “Yeah, but have you listened to Oliver Nelson’s The Blues and the Abstract Truth?”

I love jazz. Are you kidding me? I was that annoying 14-year-old who was, like, “Yeah, but have you listened to Oliver Nelson’s The Blues and the Abstract Truth?”

That does sound quite precocious for a 14-year-old.

It’s annoying. Just insufferable. [Thinking aloud] What music don’t I like….? Here’s what can happen. And I feel like it’s similar to when an actor has some lines in a script and they’re not very good – not very well-written – so they overcompensate by making it very dramatic and really overplaying it. I would say that is a style of music that I don’t really like. Where somebody has to really oversell it and it all feels… athletic. Instead of musical or touching.

Did you put your lockdown time to constructive use?

If you need any mediocre home renovations done, I’m your girl. It was fun. I did – let’s see now – plumbing, electrical, painting. Luckily there’s YouTube, so you can more or less figure it all out. I did a lot of that stuff and I have to say it was such a nice contrast to working on music all day. Because when you’re working on music you have to create the construct of everything. You’re, like, “I need to make this song. But what is this song?” Everything is this kind of elusive castle in the sky thing. But then, if you go and sand a deck, you’ve done something. It feels really good. And it’s not, like, “What is a deck? And who am I?” You’re just, like, “This is a task and I get to do it and I can see how the mechanism works I understand it it’s not esoteric – it’s simply mechanical". I can do something mechanical. I loved it.

Which bit of DIY are you most pleased with?

Painting the kitchen cabinets. That’s a real job. We’re talking sanding. We’re talking taking things off hinges. We’re talking multiple coats. The whole lacquer-y thing at the end. That. I’m, like, “That looks pretty pro”.

What colour did you go for?

Oh, you know, it’s just a sort of… teal. But classy teal.

Of course.

Yeah. The wallpapering wasn’t as successful. But, you know, that’s fine. So that was really fun. And then I also went down a history rabbit hole. I realised I had some gaps in my knowledge about the Russian Revolution and life under the Iron Curtain and the gulags and Stalin and Lenin. So, I went down that hole. And then I was like “Oh I forgot – I haven’t read any Dostoevsky”. So I have been working on his short stories – which are great. And then Solzhenitsyn I really liked – I mean liked is a strange word to use for The Gulag Archipelago. I read Cancer Ward… All of them. I recommend all of it. And then, before that, it was a big Stasi kick. I can’t remember the last time I had time to brush up on the Russian Revolution.

There’s a lyric on “The Laughing Man”, “If life’s a joke… then I’m dying laughing”. It’s also on your new merchandise. What do you think happens when we die?

Nothing.

This is it?

Yeah. I mean, I understand that it would be comforting to think otherwise. That there might be a special place. It would be nice! The thought’s never really been able to stick for me. I would say that we are made of carbon and then we get subsumed back into the Earth and then eventually we become life again – in the carbon part of our makeup.

Well, that sounds better than an endless void.

I don’t think it would be an endless void.

In what ways are you like your mum and dad?

Let’s see. Well, my mother is a precious angel who has unwavering optimism. She is incredibly intelligent and also very nonjudgmental and able and happy to explore all kinds of possibilities. Saying that, though… it’s sounding not like me at all. I’m like my father in that I think we have very similar tastes in books, films, music and a very similar sense of humour. My mother’s so kind that it’s hard for me to… Her level of kindness and decency is aspirational to me.

How famous are you, on a scale of one to 10?

God, I mean, like, “TikTok Famous” probably a one, right? I’m gonna say – I don’t know about the number system – but I’m going to say I-occasionally-get-a-free-appetiser-sent-over famous. Which is a great place to be.

What do you look for in a date?

It’s been so long since I’ve been on a date. You know, I once read something, it might have been something cheesy on a card, but [it was]: if you don’t like someone, then the way they hold their fork will bother you. But, if you like someone – or love someone – they could spill an entire plate of spaghetti on your lap and you wouldn’t mind.

You play a zillion instruments. What’s the hardest instrument to play?

Well, I can’t play horns or anything like that. The French horn is supposed to be really hard. I don’t like to blag… but I’m an incredible whistler. Like, I can whistle Bach.

Is Bach a particularly tough whistle?

I think… yeah. It’s fast. And noodly.

What’s the first thing you’re going to do when we're out of lockdown?

I’m gonna get a manicure and a pedicure and a massage. Massage from a stranger. Any stranger.

What about a night on the tiles?

I will probably attend a dinner party.

That sounds quite restrained.

It sounds hella boring. Sorry.

Clubbing?

No, I don’t really go to clubs. I think in order to go to clubs you have to be a person who likes to publicly dance. And I don’t publicly dance. I mean I would feel too shy to dance at a wedding. But for some reason I will dance on stage in front of 10,000 people.

That’s why alcohol was invented.

Exactly! But I swear I would reach the point of alcohol sickness before I would be drunk enough to dance.

The effects of drugs on creativity: discuss.

Unreliable. Really unreliable. Sometimes after a day’s work in the studio you’re like, "I’m gonna have shot of tequila and then sing this a few more times, and then play". It’s okay but you peak sort-of quickly. You can’t sustain the level without getting tired. And then I would say that weed just makes me paranoid and useless. Every once in a while some combo of psychedelics can get you someplace. But, for the most part, you either come back to [the work] the next day and you’re, like, “This is garbage” or you get sleepy or hungry or distracted and you’re not really doing anything. I’ve never had opiates. Or coke or whatever. So I don’t know. I can’t speak to that. But with the slightly more G-Rated [American movie classification: All Ages Permitted] thing, it doesn’t really help.

What do you have too many of in your wardrobe?

I’m not a hoarder. I tend to have one thing that I get really obsessed with and then I wear it every day. Some people, having a whole lot of things gives them a sense of safety and security. It gives me anxiety. I can’t think if there’s too much visual noise. If there was a uniform that I could wear every day I would absolutely do that. And at certain times I have.

Like Steve Jobs?

Or, oh God, what’s her name? The Theranos lady… Elizabeth Holmes!

The blood-test-scam lady?

Well, I guess it was unclear how much of it was self-delusion and how much of it was, you know, actual fraud.

Another black turtleneck fan.

And – again, this is unconfirmed – she also adopted a very low voice like this in order to be taken seriously as a CEO.

Like Margaret Thatcher.

Did she have a low voice?

She made hers “less shrill”.

Oh yes. Yes!

What movie makes you cry?

The Lives of Others

That’s a good one.

Right. I rewatched that during my Stasi kick.

I’ll be honest, your lockdown sounds even less fun than everyone else’s.

I mean… Look, I had to educate myself. I went to a music college [Berklee College of Music] where I tried to take the philosophy class and the way that they would talk about it… it was taught by this professor who was from one of the neighbouring colleges in Boston. And it was very clear that he really disliked having to talk Kierkegaard to a bunch of music school kids. He was just so bummed by it. I’m trying to learn, “What’s the deal with Kant?” and he felt he had to explain everything only in musical terms [because he assumed it would be the only thing music students could relate to]. Like, “Well, you know, it’s like when Bob Marley…" I’m, like, “No, no, no! I don’t want that!” So I had to educate myself. This is where its led me.

Where should we ideally listen to Daddy’s Home?

Put it on a turntable. Pour yourself a glass of tequila or bourbon – whatever your favourite hooch is – and smoke a joint and listen to it. I think that’s the vibe.

Daddy’s Home is released on May 14

[onestowatch]

Aidan Bissett Wants You to Know It’s Okay to Be Alone [Q&A]

Photo: Brooke James

Aidan Bissett’s sunny and effortless disposition contrasts the chaotic ode to classic rock that is his latest track “Dumped.” The introspective and cathartic nature of his latest offering speaks to age-old feelings of heartbreak while doubling as an optimistic reminder that cloudy days cannot last forever.

Releasing soft-spoken tracks followed by headbanging, classic-rock inspired hits, this young artist’s music truly feels alive, shifting and evolving from one release to the next. With a soulful dedication to “music first, lyrics second,” Bissett is steadily creating his own lane defined by a relentless drive for experimentation. We had the chance to talk to Bissett about his creative approach, his latest single, “Dumped,” and plenty more. 

Ones to Watch: So, tell me the story behind “Dumped?”

Aidan Bissett: Wow, that’s a good question. I wish when I wrote it, it came from like, I had just been dumped… Well, okay, I had sort of been dumped. I don’t know how to explain that, but let’s just say I was in a relationship, taking time off, in a sense. When we were writing it, it was me, my friends, Ryan and Sean, and we were writing in a zoom session for like three hours. It was not a good song, and none of the three of us wanted to say it was a bad song. So, we were like, “OK, we are going to go take a break for a little.” 

Then I pulled my guitar off the wall and started messing around, because when I get bored, especially in sessions, I like to try and take my mind off things. I’ll play random chords and sing random lyrics, like ad-lib over them just for fun. So, I started playing like three chords that are all throughout “Dumped,” singing this hook line that—it’s going to sound really weird—“I’m taking dumps all the time.” The guy I was producing it with was like, “OK, gross,” but that actually could be really cool… what if we change it to “I’m getting dumped all the time.” And I was like, “Woah.” That’s kind of how it started and we were on a roll and wrote the whole song in two hours.

And the song does mean a lot to me, because I have actually been dumped, multiple times. It sucks, it’s not a fun feeling, so every time I listen to it, it is kind of an “f you” type of song. Like, “yeah, I got dumped but I’m better off on my own anyway.” I always like that feeling better than wallowing in sadness. So, for anyone who does listen to it, I hope that it helps bring you out of the mourn and into a new light.

In the music video, you are seen reading an “Idiot's Guide To Love.” What was the last book you read?

I do love reading, I’ve always liked reading. I have not, in the past year, read a ton of books, which sucks because I actually do like reading. Well, okay, my senior year of high school I read like 13 books but a lot of them were for school. But they were still good books! I’m in the middle of reading Dune, which is very good so far. So, hopefully, I can finish that before the movie comes out. But yeah, I do like reading… when I have the time to sit down with my ADHD mind.

“Dumped” is a noted sonic transition for you. Can you tell me about how you approach your genre-spanning sound?

I don’t really like putting myself in one genre. I’m in a certain lane in the sense I do indie-pop, I do alternative, but I don't want to do straight pop. I feel like it's such a box, and it’s so limiting. I just love exploring different sounds, so even from the start, I put out “Different,” and then the second song was “Worst Girls Of All Time,” which was a completely different sound than the indie-pop wave that “Different” is. So, me putting out stuff like this after “Communication” is me exploring new sounds. To be honest, the things I like to hear always change, the bands that I’m listening to are always changing, and I take a lot of inspiration from a lot of different bands. I just love trying new things. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t, but it just keeps me on my toes instead of just doing the same formula over and over again.

What are you listening to right now?

That’s a good question, it’s kind of all over the place. There’s this one girl, Remi Wolf, who I’ve been non-stop listening to… I have been listening to her for a minute. When she put out her first EP, I loved it. But now, she’s putting out these new tracks and Solomonophonic, her producer, he’s just incredible and her voice is incredible. They are doing so many things that just aren’t normal in this time of music; it’s just so her own lane. I find that really inspiring in the sense that she’s carving her own path and not following in the line of others.

I feel like I’m always listening to Wallows no matter what. I always have them ready to go. COIN. Role Model’s rolling out new stuff so I’m excited for that, he’s kind of taking a change in his own discography. [The] sounds that he is doing are definitely a lot different from his earlier stuff. This guy, binki. He’s actually opening for Role Model on this tour. Oh my gosh! His music’s insane, so cool. It’s got so many sounds going on, similar to Remi Wolf, there’s so much going on, you’re like ‘wow.. I’ve never heard something like this before.’

For those who don’t know, you write, record and produce your music all by yourself. Can you walk me through your creative process?

Yeah, I’m very musically-driven. Everyone has their own thing, I feel like a lot of artists, like the Olivia Rodrigo types, are lyrically-driven. I’m definitely music first, lyrics second. So, when I sit down to write something I try and get something I latch onto. I’m like, “Oh, this sounds cool. Lyrics could sound cool over this.” Anytime I go into a session or I’m recording by myself, I try to lay down some form of music, and then I’ll freestyle lyrics or freestyle melodies over the top, or pick a melody I like and throw lyrics over that melody. Whether that’s a hook or a verse, that kind of just depends on how I’m feeling. It’s definitely a bit unconventional compared to other artists. I feel like artists are a bit more put together when it comes to writing music just because I’ve only been doing it for like a year-and-a-half. But I have my own process, and it works. Every time I write something I learn something new. I’m excited to see, even a year from now, what my process will be… and even if it's completely different or efficient, who knows?

Tell me about the influence of music in your childhood and the decision for you to be a musician at a young age - you started playing electric guitar very young - what was your household like? Musical family?

My dad wanted the kids in our family, I have two other siblings, to play an instrument for two years during our young adult life. He wanted us to play piano before we got to pick, so we had two years of piano and then we had to pick an instrument. So, my sister went and played two years of piano and didn’t really stick with it afterward. Then, it was my turn and I was like, “Well, I don’t really want to play piano, can I play guitar?” And since I was the only one who asked, who expressed interest in a different instrument, he was like, “Sure.” I started in second grade and I’ve stuck with it the entire time. I took lessons for years, and that’s how I kind of got into the classic rock scene. My dad was a huge classic rock fan so he showed me all greats… and that was all I listened to for years. It definitely had a large impact on what I did. I would even play in little recitals, and I always played classic rock songs like AC/DC or Guns N’ Roses.

It wasn’t necessarily a musical household, like my dad isn’t musical, my mom isn’t musical. The reason he wanted us to play an instrument is because his mom made him play an instrument as a kid, so he was like, “You guys get to do that, too.” But it is true, one of us ended up using it.

What do you want people to take away from “Dumped?”

It’s an amp-up song. I want them to feel energized, to be happy with yourself. Getting hurt in relationships happens all the time, but it's okay to get hurt in a relationship. It’s kind of how you bounce back, and I want this song to be like a bounce back. Like, you hear it and, “Oh! This is me bouncing back! I don’t need to sit and cry anymore, because that’s not fun.” Sitting and crying is okay, everyone’s done it, but there’s a point that you reach, in that break-up phase, when the crying needs to stop and you need to go out and live and be the person that you are, independently. So, I would hope that it inspires you to be your independent, wonderful self again.

Is there anything else you would like to say about your music, or in general, that you want to take the chance now to say?

Well, I’m sitting on a lot of songs. So, I’m excited to get all the rest out, and again, everything is so diverse. All the music is so diverse, I just feel like each song is its own thing, which I really enjoy. I feel that’s really unique to my own music, where you’re getting something new every time. I’m moving to LA. That’s the other thing. So, if anyone sees me in LA, please stop me and say hello!

[angelkurenai]

Worth it - Sebastian Stan x Reader

Title: Worth it

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Reader

Warnings: None

Prompt: hey, do you write for sebastian stan? because if so, here’s my request: sebastian say on a talk show that he have a crush on a singer and would love to meet her, and her manager contact him to be in her new music video! if you decides to write it, thank you x

“Speaking of- of fans and how passionate they can get about something, I think we can all agree that when it comes to finding things, no matter how hidden, they're masters at it, right?” Conan asked, pausing for a moment as the audience cheered and clapped, he looked at Sebastian who nodded his head with a small laugh “Like, the FBI should just fire all their staff and hire fans because they put even Sherlock Holmes to shame!”

“You can't hide a single thing, if it's out on the net.” he said “And they're fast too! Sometimes I have to spend hours looking for the most simple thing, like a good recipe for pasta, and you'll see them dig up tweets from ten years ago in five minutes!”

“I know right?” Conan laughed a bit “I mean, personally I don't mind to be honest. But it's like, before you know it,videos of you from the '90s come up on your feed again and the naked pictures you took in the 2000s reposted again for everyone to admire your-” but he stopped, giving a look to the audience who cheered a little bit too loudly, some even laughing “Oh you sick per- I didn't mean that!”

“You-” Sebastian tried to hold his laughter, frowning as if to look more serious “You're talking about yourself here right?”

“I-” Conan stifled a laugh “Well, yeah. I usually embarrass myself and not the guest unless you have something to share with us now Sebastian.”

“I-” Sebastian cleared his throat, shaking his head “No, I'm good. I think I'm good, no need to give Mackie more info. Although I feel like after this interview-” he couldn't help but crack a smile “My social media accounts will be... attacked to say the least. Who knows what they'll dig up.”

“Now that you've mentioned it, well technically I did but it's easier to blame you because I can't lower myself any further than I already have in this show-” Conan pause, once more narrowing his eyes at the audience who laughed “Whose side are you on?” he shook his head dramatically “Anyway, where were we? Oh yes, remembering our sinful pasts.” that earned more laughter from both the audience and Sebastian “And speaking of that, I wanted to tell you, that there is this account that's called “Sebastian Stan doing things.” are you aware of that?”

“I mean, yeah, it's called my life.” he said with a small smile, earning a chuckle.

“There are accounts like this for other celebrities and while we were going through this account we noticed one major difference from the other ones: It was filled with posts of you that were actually very rare. According of course to the comments because it's not like we stalk you or your social media or anything. I definitely don't have posters of you shirtless around my room or anything.” Conan scoffed, shrugging casually and earning more laughter, continuing after a couple seconds “But there was this particular video of an interview of you and during that interview you got to talk about uhm your favorite singer...?”

It ended mostly as a question only meant to ask Sebastian in a way if he remembered it. It certainly didn't take more than half a second before the man was laughing in embarrassment, head hanging low as he could feel the nervousness settling in. Maybe he couldn't remember the entire interview per se so he couldn't remember if it was as embarrassing as he feared – not that he had much hope, he had been told plenty of times by his friends that he lost control when it came to you and his obvious admiration for you – but that didn't mean that this one wasn't going to be. If anything he was 100% sure that this one would be even worse. But he nodded his head anyway and spoke.

“I uhm. Yes, yes I think I know which one you're talking about.” he said, finally looking Conan in the eyes.

“Well-” the man couldn't hold back a laugh at the silent plea in Sebastian's eyes to not speak up further because it honestly was too funny and in the end spoke again “It's good thing, really, because I was watching it and I have to say this, that I realised early on, you are a big (Y/n) fan, aren't you?”

“I'm... somewhat.” Sebastian cleared his throat and avoided eye-contact only because he knew that was a big fat lie that anyone could see right through.

“Somewhat? Alright, let's- How about we take a look at a small clip of the entire thing, yes?”

“So the Grammys happened last night and you guys didn't mis on the opportunity to do a live. Anthony let me tell you that Beyonce can't compare to you.” the interviewer looked at Anthony and Sebastian who laughed “You singing along to her will forever be remembered. Just like Sebastian's own mini concert. One we didn't really expect, to be honest, because you seemed to know the lyrics real well. Given that it is (Y/n)'s newest song. I wonder, is there even a moment you hesitated?”

“Oh sister you've seen nothing. The real question should be: Is that how you're on a daily basis? And I'll tell you, calmly: Fucking hell no! He doesn't shut up about (Y/n) or how amazing she is, how funny and how sweet, how great of an artist she is or even singing her songs!”

“I'm not... that bad. It's not like- I mean it is mostly the shower!” Sebastian defended himself “And besides that, she isan incredible artist! She puts her heart and soul into every song and, come on, you saw her performance too! (Y/n) nailed it and she was worth every grammy and every win of last night.”

“The neighbors ain't gonna think so, though.” Anthony muttered “very time she won, you'd hear Sebastian nearly screaming 'Yes!' at the top of his lungs. Don't deny it, don't! Just don't even try to, I have proof and I'm sure the entire neighborhood will come to as witnesses to the court.E”

“Is that so? Well, interesting to know. See, I was actually going to ask you Sebastian: what was the most say memorable moment and, say, your favorite one but I'm guessing it's-”

“(Y/n)” he laughed a bit shyly after his too-fast-and-honest response “I mean-” he shrugged a bit “(Y/n) is simply, how can I say it, (Y/n). And she's incredible, it's impossible to not be in awe and not to admire the woman simply for who she is and for how wonderful she is as a singer too. She manages to make people, me included, feel so many things with the way she sings, her words and voice could just as easily be out of this world. And it's not just her voice, there is all this raw emotion coming out on her face, in her eyes, as she sings that you can't help but feel it too as you get pulled in. I mean, even her videos can leave you speechless, easily compared to some of the greatest movies I've seen. I swear I've cried more times during her songs and videos than I have ever before in my life. She's got this-”

“Friendly advice: Stop him here, he could go on for hours. He has done it before!” Anthony warned.

The interviewer laughed and nodded her head “Noted. So Sebastian, I'm taking it you could also say you're a fan then?”

“I'm-” he looked carefully at the camera “... Maybe? Well, yes, obviously yes. Alright.” he ended up adding after a good few seconds of silence “Gosh I know that if this ever gets out on the net, I'm not gonna hear the end of it from my friends.”

“I might be playing a dangerous game here but, may I ask why?”

“And that-” Conan paused for a moment to let the crowd applaud “Is only the beginning. We don't have much time but the interview kept on for much longer, yes? And you get to talk about her and your admiration for much much longer, correct?”

“Yes.” Sebastian cleared his throat nervously “That would be the case, yes. See although we were also talking about the movie too, she was mentioned many times because it was relevant to the topic.”

“Yes, for you. Because, and I say again I've watched the whole thing, Anthony was speaking about the movie too but he didn't bring her up every 5 seconds.” he looked him dead serious in the eyes, which earned a nervous awkward laugh from Sebastian and laughter from the audience.

“Come on man, it-” he chuckled, head ducking almost shyly “I wasn't' that bad. Just give me a break.”

“But I'm not even exaggerating here! People will think that just because I'm a drama queen that I'm somehow making things up but, and the video is up now on channel for you to watch, I'm completely serious. Do you- See you spoke a lot about her and clearly had a lot to say about her, we don't blame you. Who can? (Y/n) is indeed incredible and an amazing singer. But do you know how many times you said her name for real?”

“Uhm.... no?” he asked slowly “I- I think it was plenty of times because I'm a big fan, I can't help it-”

“Yeah, no kidding.” Conan teased him, unable to hold his laughter “I would have never guessed!”

“Come on man. Stop it.” he said but only in a low voice, the awkwardness and embarrassment growing with each minute passing by. He laughed nervously, rubbing the back of his neck “I mean-” he dared look Conan in the eyes “There are so many fans of hers worldwide, why embarrass me out of all of them the most?”

“You are our guest tonight though.” Conan chuckled “If anything, I'm pretty sure Anthony said at some in the interview – and you should all go ahead and watch it- that you are more than just a fan. He went s far as to say that she's your celebrity crush. No?”

“I-” he started but cleared his throat, shifting in his seat and look at him with a tight smile.

“And the fact is also verified by Chris Evans in another interview, which our amazing staff found. That one by chance, mostly, but it was well worth it.”

“By chance. I'm starting to believe both Mackie and Evans pushed those videos forward to you or something.”

“We shall forever wonder.” Conan chuckled “But besides that, crush or not – a question you skillfully voided answering – you are quite the fan. Yet you don't know how many times you mentioned her, at all?”

“No, no of course I didn't keep track. Seriously I have no idea.”

“Really? Because, Sebastian, you said her name 18 times.” he paused only for two seconds to let the crowd cheer and applaud while Sebastian laughed even more nervously than before “Like, I kid you not, I counted. I even made the rest of the staff count. It was 18 times. In just one interview. What do you have to say about that?”

“Well... I might be a really big fan?” he suggested slowly and with a smile that could only be described as awkwardly cute but it did the job of making the crowd laugh.

“You might Sebastian. You might.” Conan laughed “But seeit surprises me that, you are a celebrity yourself, you're well-known and famous and really successful and despite having all that and despite being such a big fan, despite admiring her for years, you have yet to meet her, correct?”

“Well, seeing how I am still alive, I have not met her yet no. Though, as everyone that knows me is already well aware of, I'd really love to one day. Will I survive to tell the story? Probably no, but it will be worth it.”

Was it worth it though?

He kept asking the same question to himself over and over again ever since he got the phone call from his manager. And with it being two days now and the interview having been three days now, he couldn't help but feel like this was not real. It could not be, he had to be dreaming and yet try as he might to wake himself up he couldn't do anything about it. Maybe the way his stomach was tied in knots and his heart was beating so hard and fast, threatening to break free from his ribcage, and the way his mind felt so lightweight as if he couldn't even think straight was enough proof that this was very much real as much as it was a torture. A torture to feel all of that, a torture to wait, a torture to watch the minutes tick by without any news and in a maddening silence of a small room, a torture to feel this anticipation without a result with each passing second. It was all of that that made him wonder if it was worth it.

And all of that that answered the question as well. He was probably being overdramatic but even if it were for him to not survive meeting you, it would all have been well worth it.

It was all well worth it indeed, and even more than he imagined, when the door was pushed opened and the first thing he saw was your sparkling eyes, almost widening at first, and the beautiful albeit shy and nervous smile that got only bigger when you saw him.

It was all well worth it when you spoke to him, voice low and soft, sweet as honey “Oh gosh, I can't believe this is happening. I'm-” it was all well worth it when you laughed sheepishly “Hello, it's great to meet you at last! I'm (Y/n).”

It was all well worth it when he reached for your hand and took it in his with murmured words of his own and a smile that made his cheeks hurts. It was all well worth it when he felt that skip in his heartbeat.

[kihyunswrath]

A masterpost about Wonho leaving and Starship being whiny wankers

It’s been a full day since the news came about Wonho leaving and I finally also decided to write a post of my own. So I came here to bring some logic to this thing because they haven’t cancelled the news yet and it looks like Starship has given up on literally every bit of sense they had. I’m still so fucking pissed off. I’m 10000% ready to fucking fight, as I always am, because I am true to my fucking username.

So away with the crying and missing Wonho, and wailing and lamenting because I think other fans have done their part with that. I’ll focus fully on just listing the things Starship should have automatically realized if they had even ONE fucking sensible person working in there. This will be fucking long but I don’t care, this needs to be said and heard. So tl;dr: Do they have the slightest idea how to run a business? This is most likely the end of Starship, too, so how can they be THAT dumb to not realize they decided to screw themselves over SUCH A SMALL ISSUE? 

__

1) First of all, Wonho loved his job. This is not about me being sentimental or pretending I don’t understand how pretentious idols can be about their actual working conditions, this is simply the truth. He loved communicating with fans, he loved improving his body, he loved making songs, he loved performing. No kpop companies are treating their idols perfectly, but Monsta X was in general doing very well. This means he with 99% certainty did not want to make things end like this, he just felt he had no other choice, and was panicking. 

2) Wonho thinking there will be a huge backlash against him because of his problematic past and there actually being a backlash against him are two separate things, and if he himself cannot distinguish this difference because of his anxiety, his company should at least be able to. They are the ones holding the money and the power. It’s not like their careers are not at stake, too. 

3) He was fucking popular. Like he had a LOT of fans, those that were specifically dedicating their money and attention to him, and then those who liked several members at the same time, but he was still among their most favourite. We can pretend all day we love all Monsta X members equally, but looking at it from a purely transactional perspective: there are members who are popular, and then members who are EXTREMELY popular. The more popular members bring more money to the table, and Wonho was clearly a part of that latter group. Him facing not one but two scandals in a very short time period did not change that yet, which can be proved by how much support he and the other members still got in the first days of their comeback. Which brings me to point number four:

4) We do not have evidence these scandals were ever going to affect Monsta X members careers in an indispensable way. We do not know whether Wonho’s reputation would have tarnished the group’s future for good, mainly because WE NEVER GOT TO SEE FOR GOOD. This all happened in one WEEK. What can be said about one week? If one comeback of theirs, after a string of VERY successful albums, singles, concerts and world tours, gets ruined because of this one thing, does it mean Starship should have torn their clothes and started throwing temper tantrums like little babies? After they STILL got a nice amount of money out of this comeback TOO? After not even waiting it out to find out if they could have still received number one positions in the comeback show, for at least one week? 

5) Follow the logic mentioned in point two and even the dumbest person in the universe should realize that Starship will end up losing a LOT of album sales, views and ticket revenue now. There was no way of proving that Wonho would actually damage the group long-term by deciding to stay there, and looking at the amount of support he’s now getting, that’s actually unlikely. BUT by kicking him out? DEFINITE LOSS OF REVENUE. People are all now saying we will continue supporting the other members, but the fact is this: many of us won’t. I probably will not. If this is how Starship decided to deal with things, kicking out a member three DAYS after a relatively harmless scandal, started by an absolute embarrassment of a person, I will not support such a company. Kihyun is my bias and I love him to death, but if he’s accepting how things are being handled in his own company, he’ll have to do without my support. That’s how simple it is. 

6) Monsta X is the moneymaker of Starship. They screwed everything with Boyfriend, they disbanded Sistar, and WSJN and Starship solo artists are all nugus compared to Monsta X. This is not to say they’re not good, but they do not bring even near the same amount of money to the company. It doesn’t take a genius to understand that Starship cannot afford to make dumb mistakes in relation to how they’re handling Monsta X. 

7) As a fan who has followed this industry closely for almost 13 years now, I have seen the rise and death of countless kpop groups. At this point I can say one thing for sure: groups can survive or return back to their old glory even when their members leave, but only on certain conditions. If members 1) leave because they want to change their career, 2) leave because they’re not satisfied with their company or 3) have health conditions that prevent them from continuing, the group might still manage to survive without them. If they are kicked out, there’s a smaller chance for continued success and support, but it might work anyway, if 4) they are kicked out relatively early during their career and 5) if they aren’t popular at all at that point. None of these cases apply to Monsta X’s situation. And if and when Monsta X falls, there is no other groups within Starship that could take their position.

8) Now, we don’t know the truth behind all this. Later on Wonho’s leave might turn out to have other motives we are not aware of yet. But as it is, this juvenile prison thing combined with the debt will be the scandals people will remember until forever. That will affect the reputation of Monsta X, YET that’s not how things needed to go. And why is that? Because those scandals actually caused Wonho to leave, unlike so many of the other things we keep hearing every single day because of twats like Han Seo Hee and other antifan wankers. Idols are under constant attacks, but most of the time these DON’T end their careers. Typically, when it hasn’t been about anyone actually getting hurt (rape, abuse, assault, harassment, murder, etc.) or about anything S. Korea specifically condemns idols for doing (drugs, promiscuous dating/sex life, being piss drunk and causing damage, DUI), people will forget things real quick and move on. There are a lot of scandals I will accidentally find out about years later they actually happened, and the idols in question are thriving. But now? People for certain are going to find out, because the consequence was so dire, and so fucking QUICK. 

9) Someone going to a hiatus to solve their private life issues is one thing. Idols canceling or postponing their comeback dates and events because of private life matters is, again, one thing. However, leaving in a matter of days after the scandal started? That’s suspicious, irresponsible, stupid and may make Wonho look much more guilty than he ever was. It may make people think there’s more to this than they know at this point. They may think Starship is partially responsible for hiding things, not checking Wonho’s background or that some of the scandals Wonho is involved in were actually happening while he was in Starship. Because, you know, someone holding a job and having his non-offensive past explored from over a decade ago should be two TOTALLY SEPARATE THINGS. That brings me to point number ten: 

10) Making someone all of a sudden, over all these years, face consequences for things that happened ages ago, with a punishment that is not relevant, fair or just? Yeah that does make people think Starship is unreliable, irresponsible, childish and acting in a rush. It’s not like they didn’t KNOW Wonho had been in juvie. It’s not like they hadn’t already decided to give Wonho another chance. It’s not like Wonho DID anything at this point to show he was no longer earning that trust. Actually, he did not do anything at all. Starship changing their mind about it so quick just revealed how vulnerable, spineless cowards they are and how they don’t want to carry responsibility over any of their actions. Not good for any business, let alone one whose LITERAL JOB is to gain profit from positive publicity and keep a close watch of their reputation. They do not survive without fans. They do not survive without Monsta X. They do not survive if they have THIS presumptuous and careless attitude, thinking they can quickly cover up all their “mistakes” by removing people out of their way.

11) The entire concept of Monsta X is revolving around the solid formation of the group. Every single member has a very steady role within the group, one that is not replaceable. Wonho’s position as the muscular, sexy dancer and soft-voiced vocalist was crucial to the image of Monsta X. People became interested in Monsta X because of their masculine energy, and Wonho was one of the key members in that. He was also very important in terms of how often he catered to the fans’ needs, how often he thanked us and sent messages to us and how frequently he wanted to hang out with us in vlive. He was a steady composer and had a plenty of potential, and all of his songs turned out to be popular. His role as a specifically health, bodybuilding and fitness -oriented idol was widely recognized and celebrated. His character as a cute, aegyo-filled, emotional and extremely kind “fake-maknae” was loved by literally everyone in this fandom. I don’t think I ever knew anyone who didn’t have a specific soft spot for him, even when he wasn’t their bias or even if people mainly followed other groups. Other members in Monsta X have their own, just as solid, roles that are irreplaceable, but it’d be stupid to not acknowledge Wonho has been among the first members people notice when they learn about Monsta X. Without him, it’s almost like not one but two members are missing.

12) There goes Starship’s good reputation among kpop companies when it comes to foreign record label deals as well. Did the company in Japan or the US like what happened? Would they have punished Wonho for this kind of a meaningless bullshit? Do they like the idea that they are now supposed to interact with a company that acts this recklessly, isn’t loyal to their employees and throws their hands in the air as soon as a problem occurs? I bet not. 

13) Why did no one in the company actually sum up together what damage Wonho had allegedly done, like, for real? 1) He made one non-malicious, absent-minded joke half a year ago not a single Monbebe present at that time complained about. This was brought up by a person who intentionally made him look bad. He apologized and people moved on. 2) He has been in a juvenile prison for a small thievery (or something about as stupid as that, according to the information I found about this) over a decade ago, and he most likely did not get a criminal record for this. Starship however, probably did know this when they took him in, so at least back then they thought he’s atoned for his errors and can fucking move on, right? Being in a prison means rehabilitation, especially if you’re there just once as a kid after committing a very minor crime that does not involve hurting people. Bringing this up now is totally irrelevant. 3) Him not paying back to his old friend (3 million won) has absolutely nothing to do with his career. Haven’t people ever been indebted to their friends? Is that a crime worth you ending up kicked out of your company that doesn’t have anything to do with, well, anything? When he accepted that money, he was still a child. For years afterwards, he didn’t have money to pay it back, and he could now handle that issue in privacy, because it’s no one else’s fucking business but theirs. Considering the people who brought this up and their reputation, there’s also a chance this entire thing was somehow fabricated. In conclusion, none of this means anything at all. These are not big enough reasons to make your entire company lose a substantial amount of money, followers and fans, plus a really good performer who had repeatedly proved he had grown up, changed and was capable of taking responsibility of his own life. However, by kicking him out Starship has now reinforced the idea these things were indeed a huge problem, their company can be attacked by these means in the future too, and that their idols’ wellbeing and career paths don’t mean shit to them.

14) All of these scandals, including the very first thing involving that Me Too -movement mistake, COULD HAVE BEEN TURNED INTO FUCKING STRENGTHS. The thing that was in common with all of them three things was that they have happened in the past. Sure, the debt is, I assume, still unpaid, but there’s a small chance Wonho did not remember it anymore, or that there was blackmailing or other kind of shady business going on with that. With clever strategy, Starship could have turned these “scandals” upside down, disclaim them, say they have happened long time ago and do not reflect the company’s current values. They could have accused Han Seo Hee and that another twitter wench of slander and point out to their decreased sales revenue as a proof of damage they caused them. They could have said they are fine with Wonho’s past because they are not merciless bastards but a good, forgiving company that is giving its workers second chances in life. They could have said they SAVED Wonho and his family from a dark path. They could have said they have learned from the Me Too -movement joke and that they are now strongly joining the feminists struggling against rape and sexual harassment. They could have proved they are a good, steady company with good moral values, a backbone and trust toward their employees. All this could have happened with a couple of announcements, a week-long hiatus from the promotions of Follow and a post about how Wonho has paid his debt with a big interest. JUST LIKE MANY OTHER COMPANIES, CELEBRITIES AND OTHER WORKERS HAVE HAD TO DO THROUGHOUT THEIR CAREERS. Not at all hard.

15) Most importantly: DID ANYONE AT ANY POINT, INCLUDING WONHO HIMSELF, CONSIDER HOW THIS MIGHT AFFECT THE MENTAL HEALTH OF THE OTHER MEMBERS? Did anyone at any point stop to think that they might not be just fine with this, after fighting to debut together, after they have become such a strong, unified group, after they have seen so much together, when they are now very well aware that this could happen to them at any second, too, considering how these accusations were torn from peoples’ dirty shitty anuses? That they might not accept this, that they might not be able to move on from here, that they might want to resign now too, that they know for sure earlier this year was the peak of their career and nothing they will ever produce without Wonho will receive the same amount of popularity.

__

So yeah. I actually do not hope Monsta X continues as a six-member group. There won’t be “many, exciting things” waiting for them, like those Starship announcers said. There will be depression, more hardships, flopped comebacks and members separating on their own ways, resigning from Starship. The chances of the fucking company itself collapsing are not nonexistent. 

I fucking do hope Monsta X members will refuse to cooperate with Starship until they can negotiate a new contract for Wonho. But if I’ll see them continue performing as a six-member group with these sad, depressed and angry faces I saw today in the comeback show, that’s the end then, for me, as a Monbebe. 

Fix your shit, Starship, or fuck off forever. That’s the deal. 

[sole-cuore-amore-e-droga]

Croatia brings no men in a hamster wheel to Rotterdam 2021

Now could this be the teddy bear uprising invasion Muse has warned us about 12 years ago?

And LITERALLY, these review series make me feel like Croatia is openly taunting me - I watch the days go, I’m losing track of time, and when another day comes, I’m screaming “oh no I forgot to publish a review sooner than wanted!!”. Guess I’m for one glad there’s a time related song this year, hum?

ARTIST & ENTRY INFO

Repping the Adriatic coast nation that got all the sea instead of Bosnia & Herzegovina is some 22 year old��Albina Grčić, who first popped up on X Factor Adria back when that was a thing, and got lumped into a girlgroup in later stages, but to that she said “hvala ne” and moved on with her life, getting eliminated just like that. Queen <3 She did get her second chance to compete as a soloist and make a more prominent mark on her career when she ended up on The Voice in Croatia. She did well, placing third overall in the season, but somehow, during the duel stage, her coach initially favoured her fellow Dora 2021 contestant Filip Rudan:

Her Voice success landed her a record deal with the Croatian division of Universal Music, she released a debut single, sometime later ended up on Dora, and here she is now, on Eurovision.

“Tick-Tock” is the song, a standard upbeat pop song, and one of the ones that talks about a girl leaving a terrible relationship and being so well over it that she “found [her]self and [she’s] finally free”, and the “tick-tock” here is used to represent the time passing by, not the sound of her heart, unlike a fellow ESC entry of a similar title. The tune (or its lyrics only) is co-authored by some dude you might’ve heard of from France’s 2018 preselection Destination Eurovision, and that is Max Cinnamon - some half-English guy with a half English song about love (”Ailleurs”) that did moderately averagely in the final... I don’t even know if his influence shows, I just love how 2021 has sort of become revenge of the NF flops but they’re writing other entries instead (Suzi P, “Adrenalina”).

REVIEW

I often don’t really fully vibe with female bops in Eurovision as much as I want to, like, for the most part they’re overhyped, and I let the “yass queeeeen” audience gorge on the everything their favourite bops give them. But this year there are plenty of great ones to choose from, as I think that it’s safe to say that most, if not all, are tucked in somewhere inside my top 20, top 25 at the very minimum. Croatia managed to even do the impossible and land into my top 10.

Why?

Well, the answer is that the song is just so damn good.

I mean, what’s NOT to like about it? It’s a catchy and upbeat song that incorporates xylophones (or whatever is it that sounds like them), guitars and synths; has a good bassline in the chorus; and it’s just... a very good composition overall, like, all the instruments in it are just in their right place and uplift the song massively. I also like Albina’s performance on it, both live and studio, it clearly shows that she’s a very good singer (also shown on her cover of the scandalous Oscar award snubbery “Husavik”). Sounds like a song a common pop loving Eurofan could gear themselves towards. Besides, it also has possibly my favourite pre-chorus section of the 2021 year? Oh wait, there’s also Switzerland, scratch that. “Tick-Tock” has one of my favourite pre-chorus sections of 2021. It builds up so well instrumentally and the way Albina sings it is even better. I obviously like to believe Albina heard those voices from far away that helped her to escape, has found herself, and she’s finally free from her “partner’s” bad lovin’ and restraint. Yas queen go be free you didn’t deserve his tomfoolery anyway!  👏 (Also I admire a section that’s not quite the pre-chorus but is still before the 1st chorus, the one that goes “If you pull me down then I'll come around” - literally just a lot of the parts of the song are full of nice vocal performance and I don’t regret ranking this in my top 10 not a second.)

If it has any drawbacks, it’s just that it gets a tad too repetitive after the halfway mark... like, the pre-chorus before the second chorus is the one to be repeated once again, and no new verse, nothing - but it does launch itself into something extraordinary, and that is a chorus in Croatian, which I assume she would perform in Eurovision because there’s no Eurovision version on the song promo bundle, I suppose. Comparatively the Croatian chorus is not as complex in lyrics as the English language one, and flows slightly differently too. But the song still has a long chorus by the end, and song with too many choruses is never a good sign for those that look for a song that’s constructed well, but I guess it’s a good factor for those that value the song’s catchiness. I guess that’s what one of the two Eurovision 2005 hosts valued the most when writing the Ukrainian 2006 entry “Show Me Your Love”, which if you ask me, is straight up 75% chorus, lol.

So yeah my verdict is that almost everything about this song, I like. I’m just a little devastated that in a usually very easily gorged on category of female bops, this just tends to lag behind in love, like a fellow song I really like this year, Israel. Instead people tend to prioritize Cyprus (which I get because they’ve established themselves as a girlbanger nation since Fuego swept Eurovision) and... probably even Azerbaijan? (which I might also get because Eurovision rarely has this thing called an ethnobop anymore, and it has more ethno than “Cleopatra” did, but still unnecessarily underwhelming lol.) Well then, in a year of female bangers, I would just like Croatia to not be swept under the rug come semis I guess. Yeah “Tick-Tock” may not sound like it brings something totally never seen before in a Eurovision environment (foreign language lyrics, themes about a break up, hell even her dancers looked like they were wearing the same hats as Tamta’s dancers), but you got to have a lot in you to sell a worn out idea to the new heights, and Albina does exactly that in my eyes.

Approval factor: Yeah! There is a lot of it in here for me. Follow-up factor: A great follow-up, not so great in regards to panini but musically it’s just going up and up from what we had in the past few years. I’ve actually not minded “The Dream” for the most part but I knew it was a chanceless plodding ballad and Roko harboured heaps of wasted potential working with Jacques Houdek and having wings as part of his performance, uff. *_* And then there’s “Divlji vjetre” which I also like a lot - a much better male ballad winner choice! If the Dora re-up winners keep being decent imo just like this, I have a feeling I will follow it a lot more often than I did just this one time this year. I am just saying that panini-wise, it was a sucky move from HRT for not allowing their last year’s winner promote his new song with Tijana (from Serbia 2017) on the Dora night, so we sadly only heard a pre-recorded opening version of “Divlji vjetre” to start off with :( Otherwise I think it’s not Dora’s fault in itself that Damir himself chose not to even submit an entry this year because he hadn’t found a good one - much like with Diodato for Sanremo (he was NOT rejected, if you think he still was, shush). But aside that, musically, it just keeps going up for me. Well done Croatia, for you’ve used to be a Eurovision country I don’t necessarily care about, that you brought two pretty damn good entries in a row. Qualification factor: I can absolutely trust in Albina bringing in a little bit of her charisma and well-likedness, and on top of that, a great vocal performance, in Rotterdam. Don’t ask me why, I just do. She doesn’t really perform her song live on pre-parties as much as I’d like to hope she would, but you heard girlie on the national selection, she didn’t win for nothing. Yeah yeah there might as well be female uptempo songs hungrier for the last spot, but I’d like to think Albina is one of the ones ready to devour than to be devoured. Go girl! Take us all dancing!

NF CORNER

To be honest with you, “Tick-Tock” winning Dora caught me by surprise. Ever since its re-up, the last two editions were kind of won by male ballads, and maaaaybe the dancey females were doing moderately well enough for themselves, but not overall? But look, juries were very keen on Albina, probably because she can SANG and she creates one hell of a fancy presence on her performance. And somehow she ended up snatching a win out of the hands of 5G conspiracy theorist 2016 representative Nina Kraljić, who was at first too drunk to care, but too unexpectedly sober to yell all over the soc. media how she was robbed and how the contest was rigged against her with her being on first and all that. Which is a shame that she is one of THOSE people, because her NF entry “Rijeka” is kinda nice? We did have the Balkan-esque ballads coming from Croatia in recent memory, but we haven’t had a truly proudly folksy one at that from Croatia for a long while, if not ever. Nina could’ve very well brought that to Rotterdam (and another mismatched wardrobe choice oops). But instead she was the one screaming “oh no, oh no, oh no”.

Actually I regarded Nina as one of my faves pre-show, and Albina was on her way, though she didn’t really cement the personal fav status until after all performances, thus making Nina and Albina switch spots for me. But truly, the one song that was my top favourite, iiiiiiiiiiis

GIMME AN OCEAN! OF LOVE!

2021 made me realize that damn, maybe anything that’s funky is my favourite music genre afterall. Up until then I vibed with entries like “Tonight Again” and “What’s the Pressure?” that had this sort of energetic flair and very rhythmic kinda sound to it, but 2021 just simply cemented it to me that my music world has probably been about nice and smooth and funky all along. I owe so much gratitude to ToMa first and foremost along the lines of more to have come in this year’s lineups - I just can’t not want to dance to “Ocean of Love”, and ToMa is quite alright at selling it live as well. There are small gripes with some instrument usages but that doesn’t detract from the fact that I love love LOVE funky guitar tunes.

Aside from that, I can give shout outs to Beta Sudar, whose song not only was underrated, but also had an underrated meme format throughout its performance:

My other props go to Bernarda, who not only competed in a national selection singing a song about seeing “Colors” while blind (and ironically there was a song called “Blind” in that same NF sung by a well-seeing guy!!), but also for finally putting this every country’s reject to rest. Seriously. That particular song was passed on to everyone in need of a competitive Eurovision bop, from Poli Genova to Helena Paparizou as of recently. Oh well, at least the song died a honourable death - well performed slice of good typical Eurovision pop (maybe even overperformed a little towards the end), that got a good rank with the regional juries, but somewhat murdered in televote, fellow Boris Milanov composition “Chameleon” style.

This one Mia Negovetić chick was promising too! Her song was written by the Debs and you might be tired of them trying to continue infiltrating Eurovision at this point, but a lot of their Eurovision songs are usually something I enjoy, “She’s Like a Dream” is no exception. Nothing but 3 minutes of pastel-dressed Croatian Ariana Grande doing what she does best <3

Oh and also some dudes tried to play chess on stage too I guess. But their song is not worth looking into, because one of the acts on it is apparently also a conspiracist, and maybe because oft this their entry is aptly titled “Sing, for the freedom has arrived!” lol I wonder what exactly is the kind of freedom you’re thinking of my guy

Was this the “better mood game” Laura was warning everyone about? Beats me

NF CORNER (NON-COMPETITIVE)

• It’s still hilarious to me as to how one of the acts this year, Brigita Vuco, was planning to bring in backing dancers, only for them to show a fake COVID test or something and outright BARRED from coming with her on stage. <3 Whatever she intended to do with them dancers, I have absolutely no idea, but at least she committed to her song being about drunken nights visually by having all these blurry shots

• Nina Kraljić’s greenroom shenanigans, from the “1-2-3, 1-2-3, drink” to numb the sadness over some results (and the 8 she got from the region Rijeka for the song “Rijeka” lmao), to whatever she saw on the phone that made her smile or go neutral

• Greenroom reactions in general. I swear, this year had cameramen in every single corner everywhere just to make sure something covers up for a human audience instead of severals of Zoom screens permitted to act as an audience. Random people in greenrooms were doing some sort of emotions after random acts, and also randomly they ended up pointing a camera towards an act that lost, but the act didn’t treat losing as if it were such a big deal <3

• All the other memes the Croatian Twitter might’ve noticed me for:

seriously Bernarda was locked in a bluelight mathematical dice contraption. how fucking cool is that

ANY LAST WORDS?

I just fucking hope that Albina shatters any doubts that people have had about her song come rehearsals, and somehow Croatia AND Israel slip through, because never too many female bangers I appreciate in the final, if they all are the bangers I appreciate, lol.

[anxiouslyfred]

Moss Graffiti

Summary: Virgil was convinced his soulmate worked in nuclear power from the poem he got describing them. He’s about to learn how wrong that is, and how weirdly some corporations view graffiti.

/\/\

Virgil's soulmate had to do something in nuclear power. He was certain of it. Why else would his poem include the line 'Green pollution close to hand'?

Really he'd taken decades to reach that conclusion, trying to decide what it could mean. Pollution usually wasn't anything green at all, but from those Simpsons opening credits, to the glow shows always used for nuclear radiation, that had to be what was intended. Unless there was something else being done that corporations would try to claim as pollution, but that just opened too many trails for his thoughts to follow.

“Uneven floors present a trip hazard and either need indicating or fixing. That's the most important issue, I've found, shall we continue through the rest?” Virgil shook the momentary thoughts of his soulmate from his head, focusing back on the Health & Safety inspection he was doing.

The offices were just waiting for an accident to happen in a lot of places, and if he had to yell to actually get the manager to come over instead of the receptionist, he would be. There's no point booking him to conduct the inspection if they just wanted to ignore the issues raised in his report.

“Mr Furniss has requested you confirm if the pollution on the outer walls will need a specialist to remove.” The receptionist, Miss Mauby, asked, noting down his comments.

“I haven't noticed any pollution. Do you mind showing me the section he's referring to?” Virgil raised an eyebrow. There had been some graffiti on one of the walls near the entrance, but it hadn't looked like anything he'd need to take note of.

The wall he was led to pretty much guaranteed he would be storming back into the manager's office to give his report. Wasting his time demanding answers that a fool could tell was simply moss was absurd, despite the design and words showing it was all deliberately placed. Virgil already agreed that the company had a lot of issues it needed to be addressing, especially regarding the waste products being incorrectly disposed of at the factory site.

Turning to Miss Mauby he nodded, “I believe it would be best for me to give my initial review to Mr Furniss directly, and I'll send the report over in a matter of days.” He didn't wait for a reply, already returning to the building and the office that was indicated to belong to the site manager.

By the time Virgil was leaving the site, he'd begun to calm down and find it amusing. The manager of the place really did think that graffiti was pollution and not just unauthorised artwork. Perhaps they needed some language lessons to clear up the definition and impact of using the wrong terms. Science classes could help more though.

When he glanced back towards the moss words, he had to call over, “Better get away from there. I think Mr Furniss mentioned getting cameras set up to monitor their walls.”

“I'll find some other wall to protest on then. He can't monitor them all and ignores any emails or government mandates to follow the laws for disposal of contaminated waste.” The person called back, voice shrill and uncaring.

Virgil wandered closer, a little curious to know more. “How did you even manage it anyway? I didn't think you could control where or how moss grows.”

“I made moss paint and spray with water each afternoon. For this lot at least. I've got twenty other sites I do this too and commissions to take for peoples gardens occasionally.” Virgil began to worry he'd asked the wrong thing with the lack of energy compared to the person's original response before they jumped to face him, “I'm making nature fight back for itself when it can't speak. The moss, lichens and plants shall rise to destroy humanity with my aid!”

“Okay, cool, erm good luck with that. I'll leave you to it then.” Virgil backed away at the yell, startled and very concerned that if someone in the office came out to see him talking with the moss graffiti guy he could lose payment for his services.

It was only once he got home that Virgil thought whoever it was looking after that moss seemed to fill 3 of the 4 lines in his soul poem, especially with that companies boss claiming graffiti was pollution.

He checked while swapping his jacket for a hoodie and the idea only grew at the familiar lines:

Uncontrolled by any rule,

Dangerous Attitude, surface cool.

Green pollution close to hand.

Trust fleeting as the sand.

Virgil had gotten the poem as a tattoo as soon as he was old enough to. He didn't want anybody finding out what his poem was and the easiest way to ensure that was to keep the only record of it literally on him.

Perhaps they'd encounter each other again in the city. Virgil did have other gigs coming up for offices of corporations known to be major polluters.

/Over to the Graffiti Artist\

Remus had been curious about the guy who'd come over asking about his graffiti, but he got people running away from him. It happened often enough pretty much anytime he tried to make friends.

He pushed the curiosity out of his mind though, focusing on that morning's project. He was still cultivating the moss on the edge of an animal testing lab for a soaps company and needed to make sure he was using the right mosses so the creature yelling at the company was recognisable.

“Get Away from there! I'll call the police on you for doing-” The angry yelling cut off when the woman got close enough.

Remus smirked, not turning around, but well aware it looked like he was just painting water onto the wall with how diluted he'd made the moss-paint today. He'd expected someone to try and stop him and wasn't going to give away what he was doing, including the fact these were rare mosses that if it got out the company had removed would enrage some environmentalist charities.

“Well isn't this fun. Do you often greet contractors by yelling at someone painting the walls with water, or am I just special?” The curious guy from yesterday was back, and apparently ignoring Remus in favour of greeting the woman. It was an interesting way to try and stick up for him though.

None of the apologies she was now stuttering out got directed to him either, and Remus finally realised this was one of the managers of the building and the guy had to be some sort of contractor. Not that it mattered to him of course, guy got scared off by a tiny bit of excitement.

He was humming while working on an established moss garden that evening when the guy walked passed again, and seriously Remus was beginning to think some cosmic force wanted them to talk.

“How'd you get the different colours?” The guy actually stopped to ask, glancing over the patterns. Dull, boring spirals. Remus had a far more interesting moss garden on the outer walls of his apartment.

“Different mosses.” He replied, turning to get more water for his spray bottle. It wasn't necessary, but he didn't feel like watching someone try to escape him currently.

The guy stayed waiting there, long enough Remus couldn't avoid returning to his work. “I'm Virgil by the way. He/Him. Sorry about that bitch this morning. She really needs to focus more on adequate safety railings and less on how the building looks. Aesthetic is not worth health hazards!” He sort of ranted, definitely trying to make conversation.

“I'm Remus and you're already scared of me, so I don't think you want to hear my actual views. Bugger off to screw in a H&S approved fallout bunker or something.” Remus interrupted before he could say anything else.

“No need to be a jerk, and sorry I'm not interested in losing a paycheck because the boss of a building is an asshole. Yelling and getting attention when I've just finished a place that specifically tried to call your work a biohazard could easily have the company finding some way out of paying for aiding a vandal or whatever.” Virgil snapped back, glaring. “I just wanted to know more because your work looks awesome, but fine, I'll leave asking more for some other day.”

Remus scoffed, throwing his spray bottle to one side and turning, “Yeah, when you decide I'm invisible again because I'm near one of those building's that's contracting you to yell at them. Fantastic chance to ask questions when you won't even glance my way.”

His words must have trigger some confusing thought process for Virgil as his right hand jumped to covering his left forearm, almost brushing over it in an odd pattern. He watched for a moment before turning back to checking the outlines were still clear.

“I can't put my chances of making the rent at stake, but fine, next time I see you I'll find time to stop and at least say hi. I'm going to get to know you, Remus. You can trust me on that, whether you believe it or not.” The words were threatening, and Remus wanted to come up with some actual threats Virgil could have used, but still didn't want to watch him run away.

“Only the naïve trust people instantly. Or the people wanting to use you and twist you into a different shape. I'm neither of those and the only time someone else controls how I twist is when they're bending me over.” He dismissed the promise and started humming again, pretending to focus on his work.

If they spoke for much longer of course he'd say something to have this brittle connection thoroughly sever.

That night Remus was still wondering about Virgil. How concerned he sounded over losing pay, and some vague terrible happening that could follow it.

There was definitely something of his soulmate poem in how the man was speaking and acting, but it just felt like another thing for Remus to hope for and end up destroying.

He had to listen to that old song again, if only to confirm it couldn't be Virgil at all:

Lashing out just to be heard

Worry infusing every word.

Cautious but convinceable,

Dreams their friends invincible.

/Days passing by\

The warning Virgil had given on the first time they encountered each other had been proven right. That company had put up cameras over the footpaths on the buildings, with only a few sections left clear of surveillance.

Remus had refreshed his free-running skills enough to get up onto one of the ledges. He wasn't expecting to get yelled at to get down and that it wasn't safe while checking if there was another layer of moss-paint needed or not.

“Virgil, you're really going to attract attention if you don't quiet down.” Remus sing-songed, leaning to look down from the ledge he was stood on, and grinning at the glare he was being given.

He wasn't expecting Virgil to walk a few steps back before launching himself up the wall. “And you're going to do yourself a freaking injury. Is constantly climbing up here really necessary for you to get the message across?”

“Yes, they're going to keep having the message painted until the listen and actually sort out the waste disposal of the factory.” Remus nodded. Virgil had been speaking to him, and actually seeking out the places Remus would turn up ever since threatening to get to know him. “Besides, a suicide on the property with this message growing afterwards would definitely make the news, get public interest sparked over everything they're doing wrong. Sounds like the perfect storm for them to face.”

“Except the part where you die. Not allowed. You act like you're invincible and I wish to whoever's listening you were.” Virgil snapped, and snatched the brush from Remus's hands for some reason. “Come on, tell me where I'm painting this one, and I'll help. Sooner you get this done, the sooner I can get you safely down from here!”

Remus blinked at the change, wondering whether this was what 'cautious but convinceable' meant before shaking it off. “That's for the darker bits. Currently just look like some discolouring. I'll do the pale bits since the difference for those can't be made out yet. Why would you want me to be invincible anyways? Most people would be glad to see something break me, even if they wouldn't wish me dead. A sever injury, maybe causing paralysis, and they'd all sigh knowing where I am and thinking they could control how much trouble I cause.”

“Sounds like you know a ton of jerks then. You're my Friend Remus. Not many people can say that and I'm not going to let you jeopardise my friend's life all to make a point against horrible business practices.” Virgil lectured, already following the lines, although his shoulders were so tense Remus wondered how his movements with the brush could be so fluid.

In more interesting news that literally sounded like the 2 lines Remus had mentally been insisting couldn't relate to Virgil had fallen into place and suddenly fitted him perfectly. He was singing the soul poem without thinking it, performing a short dance when he realised Virgil was staring.

“So are you writing poems about me now or is that, you know?” Virgil muttered a few moments after he finished singing.

“My soul Poem!” Remus squealed and the only thing that stopped him bouncing was Virgil's eyes quickly falling to his feet. The edge was close behind him and he wasn't going to fall after deciding that Virgil was his soulmate. “Seems to be perfect for you, right?!”

Virgil just nodded, shoving up the sleeve of his jacket and holding the arm out to Remus. “Get away from the edge, read this and have a laugh at what the manager of this place called your art.”

The tattoo was brilliant, with letters that looked like they were bleeding, and thorns twisting together to frame it. Realising the poem actually did describe him only made it better.

“So we are simply meant to be.” Remus grinned.

At least he knew this health and safety inspector wasn't completely against breaking the rules occasionally, at least if it meant they could keep each other safe instead.

[embrassemoi]

(1/8) You're really out there publising new chapters in such a short amount of time and each chapter is better than the last one!   I'm seriously in awe of your talent! It's so difficult to pick a favorite chapter but this one might be one of my favorites. First of all, I loved what you did with the chapter title, whiskers literally taking padfoot's place in the order they were named on the map. It was sirius' worst fear and it happened. Also Remus and mc's chemistry is so great. I'm a big fan

I've had so much inspiration and free time this past week! and I'm going to start getting really busy this upcoming fall so I want to try and upload as much as possible!

(2/8) of how naturally their friendship and relationship grows and how different their dynamic is compared to mc and sirius. The way she was braiding his hair in common room and the way map practically flirts with her. Their little moment in the halloween party was so great as well, mc (who is dressed up as mcgonagall) drunkly playing with remus' (who is dressed up as FILCH) is probably one of my favorite moments in the sbtmas. Speaking of the costumes, I wish I was a good artist so I could draw

yeah! it's always a struggle to write two different dynamics when it comes to a love triangle because you don't want it to be:

a) the same

b) have it be unfair (although rn it's kinda unfair but hey, sirius will have a chance)

c) please both remus and Sirius stans (its been hard bc sirius stans are so mad with me rn LMFAO its kinda hilarious. I'm sorryyyyy! I SAID SLOWBURN DIDNT I? I WASNT LYING)

and oh my gosh - this chapter was literally so fucking fun to write and I think that really showed in my writing this time. the map - omg - since it's technically remus' magic for his little messages, the map is unable to insult her and I think it's just so cute :)

and I think dressing up as the professors would be so fucking cool! actually, fun fact - this idea was originally supposed to be for fifth year. Sirius was supposed to be McGonagall and MC was still supposed to be a cat but I obviously flipped shit around. for seventh year - I've had their costumes all picked since I started writing and I CAN'T FUCKING WAIT TO WRITE IT MY GOD

(3/8) a fanart of them. Lily as a 20s flapper, marlene as carrie, dorcas as dorothy (it's official, dorcas is the cutest person in this entire series) and sybill as the crazy cat lady (hands down best costume)! And of course marauders as teachers. Remus as filch was son unexpected yet brilliant! I almost died when marlene started flirting with mc for a grade and james called her hot (and also mcgonagall took a photo with her, minnie and marauders era students is always so fun to read about. Can

THE FACT that you would even think of making drawing fan art is literally the most ego-filling thing ever. woah. Thank you for even just mentioning that lmfao.

also, I love Dorcas. I love her. I adore her. the version of her that I created in my head - I'm obsessed. the same goes for Lily. omg I can't forget to mention Marlene! omg I'm a mess. I love them all.

(4/8) you imagine her keeping all of those memories in a box and looking at them after most of her students from that time period die in the war.) Peter had some really good costume ideas after all. But honestly, thank you for... giving peter a personality. In most fics he's just there, only eating in the background (similar to movie!ron). But in sbtmas he's so great and has a great sense of humor (he got his hands on a pen and chose to write "evans' bitch on james' face, an icon). I feel like

okay, that hurt my feelings. I can just picture McGonagall getting teary eyed as she stares at a picture of the Marauders after the second wizarding war, wishing she could have saved her students.

(5/8) this is going to make his betrayal so much better when it eventually happens. I mean, I was genuinely disturbed when james started to talk about how sneaky he was (famous last words). I loved all of the pranks they did in this chapter as well. The exorcist music and ballpoint pens were so creative (and they gave us that adorable scene with dorcas and nifflers) and also... funny. I feel like in a way, it showed how much marauders learned from "The Prank" and matured because of it. Last year

Peter was a marauder through and through. he was just as sneaky as the others, brimming with personality and just as smart. maybe not in academics, but the fucker had strengths in other areas. It was such a pet peeve of mine when they didn't include him in the fics I used to read. idk, sbtmas is everything I guess I wanted in a fic that I didn't get 💀 (I sound a bit egotistical here. If it comes off that way, I don’t mean it to)

(6/8) their halloween prank with spiders was a bit cruel. But this time, it's somethig that would make everyone laugh and maybe a bit annoyed, but still less harmless. Everything was funny and great and honestly, while I was reading this I was laughing the entire time... until I got to the "five years" part! Now that was cruel! You really did used costumes and pranks as a distraction and hit us with the angst! One second I was laughing and the next moment I was having an existential

oh definitely and I'm happy that you caught on to the change in severity from their pranks!

(7/8) how we have no idea about what future will bring and you can never know how much time you will have with your loved ones before it's all taken away from you. But I guess that's the appeal of the marauders era, we all know about the tragic ending they will have but still want to learn about their hogwarts years. And of course the song you chose perfectly captured that. It's halloween 1976, exactly five years before lily and james' death. And they have no idea about how they only have five

(8/8) years together. James and lily was laughing along with peter! There was something so beautiful yet disturbing about the innocence they have and you captured it beautifully. I can imagine sirius, sitting by himself somewhere, thinking about how he lost his friends and not having any idea about the tragic things that'll happen to him (or how he'll try to break into hogwarts on halloween 1993 to kill one of his friends). Okay now I made myself even sadder, I'll just shut up. -🌸

aw, sirius :(. I obviously didn't add him in this chapter but while writing, I imagine him to be in Padfoot form, silently watching the fireworks. just thinking. :((((( I just made myself sad again :( I think I even wrote a small blurb of that part but I can’t remember if I deleted it. If I didn’t, I’ll totally upload it to the outtakes eventually

[onlynight-onlylight]

The Dawn Before Sunrise is The Darkest of All

Words: 6,1K

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader / You, slight Namjoon x Reader / You, Jungkook

Genre: Fluff, Angst -- back and forth timeline, breakup, Namjoon & Jungkook are muscle bros, cute Jungkook for help

Summary: Small misunderstanding leads you to big mistake. You never thought it will make you lose him. He’s gone without a goodbye. It’s a bad bye.

Playlist suggestion: RM ft eAeon - Badbye, RM - Trivia: Love, Heize ft Giri Boy (Prod SUGA) - We Don’t Talk Together, Pink Sweat$ - At My Worst

Note: I want to try something different but I’m not sure if this is a success or failure. Lol. I put small amount of angst in here, hmm maybe a little too much compare to my other writings. But yeah, I’m trying new things. And happy birthday Yoongi! What Yoongi wants what Yoongi gets!

You sigh. You stand in front of your wardrobe. There’s visible contrast between your clothes and his. You can feel the pain on your chest. For the love you let go, you live like in hell for a month. You have no reason to live right after he walks out of your life. No calls, no messages, no news from him. You hate him. But then, you worry something might happen to him more. You grab the sleeve of his long coat.

“Where’d you go?”

[January]

 “Stay” Yoongi whispers with his eyes closed.

“We have to get ready”

“Ten minutes. Just stay like this for ten minutes”

You grant his wish and stay on the bed with him. You lie patiently on your back. He sleeps while facing you, hugging you on the waist.

“When we arrive at your home, I will barely hold you for the next two days”

You caress his face and he leans to you.

“They know we live together, maybe this time they will let you sleep with me instead of staying in guest room”

“Nah, your father won’t let me”

“But he likes you”

Yoongi opens his eyes. His sleepiness is gone and leaves him with laziness.

“It doesn’t mean he wants a man to sleep with his daughter under his nose”

You laugh after hearing Yoongi’s comment. He always has something to say and it hits home. Your father indeed likes Yoongi. They can talk for hours while your mom and you are preparing food. But sleeping together or showing skinship are whole different things for him.

“Did he say something to you?”

“Hmm…”

Yoongi pretends to think. You know there’s something between the two men after your last visit. Both of them seem to want it staying as secret. He supports his head with his right hand and looks at me with serious face.

“You don’t have to know”

“Ugh. Did you guys plan something fishy?”

Yoongi’s face comes closer to you. Being together for a year doesn’t make you less affected by him and his aura. Even he looks so casual and cute after waking up, your heart can’t help but to beats faster.

“Yes. We plan something fishy like fishing on the sea next month without you” he whispers while teasing you.

“No way, Dad won’t leave me behind” you whisper back to him.

“Yes way” he says before kissing you.

 It starts slow and steady. The ten minutes requested by Yoongi has passed but you don’t really care. You have enough time to get ready before 1 night and 2 days trip for Lunar New Year to your parents’ home. His fingers touch your skin softly under your t-shirt.

“Yoongs”

Yoongi stops kissing you and puts smirk on his face.

“We should stop, right? We can’t let your parents waiting” he says before kissing your forehead and gets up. You can hear his laugh when he walks away.

“Min Yoongi!”

  You stay on your bed, looking at the ceiling. Somehow, you feel more tired after waking up. You may expertise in taking a deep breath now. It helps you holding in your tears. Your phone ringing shatters your scrambling thoughts. You don’t want to let your hope up but deep inside, you pray you’ll hear something from him in every single call or text anyone made to you.

 “Hey, you’re awake?”

“Hmm. Any good news?”

You hear nothing for two seconds before he answers. You know he carefully picks his words.

“I’m sorry but I have nothing for that. But Mom tells you to come today. Dad just bought a fresh tuna this morning, randomly. So, we’ll have sushi party”

“Joon, I-“

“This is a compulsory, no refusal is accepted. I’ll come at ten so get yourself a good bath and breakfast”

“Okay, thanks Joon”

“It’s nothing. See you”

You’re not moving from your previous position for another 5 minutes before getting ready. You look at your pictures with Yoongi, smiling widely to each other.

“I miss you”

 On the other side, Namjoon exhale a deep breath. He massages his temple. Honestly, it pains him to see you like this. You look soulless and pale, your smile never reaches your eyes. He keeps you on his watch because he’s worry, because no Yoongi is around for you. He sips on his morning coffee and open the message app. There’s one particular message that he keeps coming back to.

 N: Do you love her?

Y: I do. You know I love her more than anything, even my own life

N: Then stop torturing her

N: If you can’t make her happy, I will.

 *

 Namjoon smiles when he sees you. He hugs you when you arrive at his car. He’s the one who knows the whole story between Yoongi and you.

“Come on, the tuna is waiting” he says, making you smile.

 You and Namjoon are friends for the last 3 years. Joining the book club at the city library might be the best decision you made that year because you met Joon there. You were amazed at his choice on books and the thoughts after reading it. You always know he is the smartest man you’ve met. He surprises you more when he said he also makes music and writes his own lyrics. There’s no such thing as a perfect man in real life, it’s only happened in drama. But then Namjoon exists to prove you wrong.

 You spent more time with Joon outside the book club. He treated you so well like the gentleman he was. After knowing each other for a year, he often took you to his studio. Just when you thought you have a crush on him, you met Yoongi. Joon were working on collaboration projects with two talented artists, Hoseok and Yoongi. You saw it somewhere in the online community website that the infamous three rappers would do a collaboration series by spoiler from RM. It was definitely huge thing and everyone was waiting with high expectation. As you figured that Joon was RM, you notice that Hoseok was J-Hope and Yoongi was SUGA. After that, you often met them at Joon’s studio and got closer.

 “So, Mom and Dad are trying to be Japanese sushi chefs right now, with Jungkook as their assistant. Basically, they trust Jungkook and his youtube’s manual”

You laugh with him. You can imagine the situation of his parent’s house right now.

“He’ll be saying ‘you can trust me on this’ while watching how to slice tuna belly on youtube”

“That’s exactly what happened”

You feel thankful to Namjoon. He’s not giving you the pity looks that you’ve got from others. He’s the first person you ask when Yoongi went missing. But Yoongi is not in Joon’s studio or home. You also come to Hoseok’s place but he’s just as clueless as you.

 *

 “Welcome! Welcome!” shouts Jungkook when you step inside the house. You can’t help but laugh at him. Mr. & Mrs. Kim come out from the kitchen and strike a pose with Jungkook. They wear similar scarf on their head and black apron on their waist. You clap your hand excitedly and make them feel proud.

“Let’s move to the dining table before Jungkook eats them all. He keeps making excuses that the cutting line is not good enough before dump them to his mouth”

“Mom, I want to give Y/N noona the best sushi only”

“Do you believe that?” asks Joon to you.

“I highly doubt it”

Your answer makes Jungkook looks at you with his large doe eyes. Before he can protest, Mr. Kim rushes us to go and get ready to eat.

 Y/N noona is fine. Looks tired but still fine. Hope you’re here with us.

Message sent

  [D-30]

 You sit lazily on his sofa, seeing he works hard through his back. You can hear him humming to his new song. You smile to yourself, enjoying this Yoongi. When you come to his studio, he always let you to hang around. He will ask your opinion to the music he made, but it’s never love songs. You, once, asked him why he never let you hear any of his love songs. You remember he smiled.

‘Remember when I accidentally stand behind you when you write? What did you do then?’

‘I tell you to not look because it’s not finished yet and… I’m too shy to let you, the source of my idea watching me work’

‘That works the same with my love songs. I can’t present it to you unfinished’

He is working on his mixtape which will be released a month from now. He wants it to be perfect so he does it very carefully.

 “Babe”

“Hm?”

“Aren’t you hungry?”

“Just order the food and eat here, okay? I’ll be finished soon” he says. But he has been saying the same thing for an hour and half now.

“Okay, but you’ll have to eat with me”

“I can’t, baby. I’ll eat later”

You stand and walk to him. He has no intention to get rest even for a minute. You know this is very important for him, but you don’t like to see him having lack of sleep. You know he’s been skipping meals on most days but he won’t tell you that.

“Stop skipping meals… at least when I am here, will you?” you say, almost whispering. You want him to do as you say but you don’t want to argue with him. Not when he needs much time to focus.

His fingers stop working. He sighs and turns his attention to me. He looks tired.

“I’ll try my best to eat and sleep between the breaks, okay?”

He tries to reassure you and you can only nod.

“I know Joon snitching to you, but he’s just exaggerating”

 Yoongi stands up and opens his arms for you. You settle yourself on his embrace. He’s the one who sets you in worry, but he’s also the one who can put you at ease. Yoongi is your person. You never feel this way with other people including your exes. He is special.

“Let’s just go home, then eat and cuddle. I can always overtime start tomorrow anyway”

You just give him your bright smile as approval and making him showing you his gummy smile. You always think you are perfect for each other.

  Sera waves her hand in front of you, pulling you back to the current time. The time with no Yoongi around you, the time that pains you much.

“Eat more, okay?”

“I will”

You take another spoon of rice and continue to eat. Your colleagues resume the conversation. You try to keep up with them and give responses.

“Will Namjoon pick you up again today?” ask Hyojoon.

“No, he’s busy. Why, you miss him already?” tease you to her. She blushes and it looks cute to you.

“It’s not like that” defends her.

You and Sera laugh, satisfied with her reaction.

“It’s fine. Namjoon is attractive man, it’s very normal to put your interest in him. I can promote him to you all day long if you want”

“Y/N~”

They know about Yoongi and they always try to help you in any way. Sometimes you can feel their pity but they try their best to hide it. You still feel grateful to have them.

“But honestly Y/N, have you and Namjoon, you know, crush on each other?” asks Sera.

“I think I admire him a lot since early of our friendship. But I don’t think we have that romantic feeling”

“Hmm you sure?” asks Hyojoon.

“Why are you asking? You really like Namjoon, huh?”

“I… I find him very attractive but I always feel he looks at you differently so…”

You only smile before responding to her.

“I have Yoongi, don’t you remember?”

  [D-15]

 Two weeks flies so fast for Yoongi, but feels so long for you. You barely meet him while living under the same roof. He is back when you sleep. Sometimes, you both greet each other in the morning, on the way to work for you and sleep for Yoongi. Other times, you don’t even talk. Yoongi often goes back to home looks annoyed. You can see his frustration and sour mood. He tells you to visit him less because he needs his full attention on his work. And now, he’s been sleeping on the studio for 3 days straight. You prepare his clothes and some snack so he can focus on working because you know how precious music for him. You want the best for him even though it may hurt you in the process.

 You are a meter away from his studio’s door when it’s suddenly opened. You see Suran going out.

“Oh, Y/N!” Suran greets you cheerily, then hugs you.

“How are you, onni?” you ask. It’s been long time to see her after Yoongi’s first mixtape. You envy her for being great singer and work together with your boyfriend.

“I’m busy, but not as busy as your man”

We both laugh as knowing how Yoongi is.

“Are you working for this mixtape too?”

She shakes his head, and then stands closer to me.

“Yoongi is working another song for me, it will be on my album. But this is top secret so…”

She pretends to zip her mouth and asks me to do the same. She, then, cups my face and look at me so dearly.

“You’re so cute. Now, I won’t take your time, go lovey dovey with the lover boy”

 You just laugh then wave at her. You punch the code of his studio’s door and come in.

“Do you leave something behind, noona?” ask Yoongi with bright tones. The tones that you haven’t heard for days.

You just stand there with a backpack of Yoongi’s clothes and other bag full of snacks. You try processing the studio’s appearance. You spot his jacket on the chair next to him, blanket on the sofa, cans of beer on the table with lipstick stain on some. To mistaken you for another woman mean you’re not the only girl who knows his password. The password he used to keep as secret.

 As I’m not answering his question, he looks back and finds me standing awkwardly.

“Oh, you came? I’m thinking of coming home early today”

You try to be calm and not to dwell on things that might be not happened.

“Baby, are you okay?”

You put both of your luggage down. The tears are pooling on your eyes, threatening to fall. You can see Yoongi walks to you and you unconsciously take one step back. He stops and be on alert.

“I…”

Your voice won’t come out. The tears speak for you instead. Yoongi takes another step closer. You hold out your hand, telling him to stop. You really don’t want to hurt him with your harsh words when you can’t even think.

“I didn’t do anything that would hurt you, please don’t doubt me”

You try to stop the tears and listen to him but you’re too hurt to do that.

“We have to talk, I’ll answer all of your questions but you won’t listen to anything now”

Yoongi knows you very well. You both know you’re holding each other rage hidden to save this relationship. Fire and water. Yoongi is used to cool the hot-headed me down at most times. He puts my fire away when it becomes bigger and brings danger. But this time, it seems different. You can forgive anything but not cheating. You mention this to Yoongi on your early days together.

 You look at him in the eyes, tears keep streaming down your face. You can see worry on his face but his jaw tense as if he’s angry. Is it your fault? Aren’t you allowed to be jealous?

“I’m going” you say walking back to the door.

“Y/N”

His voice stops your hand from turning the door’s handle. He sighs and speaks slowly.

“I’m not coming home tonight, or until you want to listen to my side of story”

You choose to leave him. You choose to not listen to him. The person who understands you the most, who loves you the most. You know you’ll regret it once you clear your head but your ego is too big to realize. You’re out of his studio without looking back.

You stare blankly at your window. The lights from the others buildings and houses feel so far today. You wonder, is Yoongi in one of them? Is he okay? Is he… happy? Single tear escapes your eye. You don’t want to give up on him, you don’t want to let him go. But if letting him away from you brings him happiness then you have no other options.

You sigh. Your phone buzz, a message from Jungkook comes.

Noona, hyung is coming back

(Heize Returns with “We Don’t Talk Together” Produced by SUGA and Featuring Giri Boy)

You open the news link as fast as you can. You read the whole article in seconds.

“You’re alive. You’re okay. Thanks God”

Your emotion is coming out at once. The relief, happiness, sadness, rage, and other unidentified emotions are becoming one. Your mental can’t bear all of them so you’re breaking down. You’re crying hard. It’s even harder than the day you fail university exam in your mother’s arms.

“Why don’t you say anything? At least read my messages. I’m worried to death, Yoongi”

You open the messages you sent to him. All of them are left unread, even until now. The world may not know what happened, but Yoongi has been missing from your world, from your life.

You keep crying until you tired and sleep on the sofa. You don’t know that the number 1 on your message has gone. Yoongi read all of your message while you are sleeping.

Namjoon’s thumb hovers over the call button. He wants to check Y/N’s condition after seeing the news. Heize is a big singer in the industry so it’s impossible to Y/N not knowing this. Part of him feels guilty for being greedy over her, but he just hate to see her being like this. He searches another name on his contact and dial the number.

“Let’s meet”

“Yeah, I have something to talk too”

“Where do you want to meet, Yoongi?”

Jungkook slams the door open. He looks at her brother with rage. How can his brother pretend to not knowing anything about Yoongi’s whereabout to Y/N when he knows everything. As he lives together with his brother for a year now, he becomes close to his friends. He knows his brother treats Y/N differently but he never think of another reason than Y/N is the only woman on their group. He’s sure his brother has another motive now. Is Namjoon crushing on Y/N? Is he the one who makes them separated? How can he stand seeing Y/N hurt like that? Jungkook keeps trying to contact Yoongi’s phone but it always fails.

“Explain to me, no excuses”

“Okay, but you need to calm down and sit”

Namjoon take a deep breath before explaining everything to his little brother. Jungkook respects him a lot as brother and musician, but he also see Yoongi as his mentor in music.

“Y/N and Yoongi got into big fight two weeks before D-2 was released. Yoongi stressed about the album, thought fight wasn’t really necessary. But Y/N thought Yoongi didn’t care about her and choose to shut her out from his life”

Jungkook listens intently, he doesn’t want to miss anything.

“It was just misunderstanding but it was critical for their relationship. Suran explained it to Y/N as she was the key of the fight but at that time Yoongi has gone missing.”

“But I work in the same industry, I know he’s there. I get his new number from the company. He comes to see Y/N from a far sometimes. But I don’t want to be involved further in their relationship”

“I loved Y/N, I did. I always tried to impress her, to make her laugh. But that was before she met Yoongi. The time I see twinkle in her eyes when she saw Yoongi, I knew the game is over”

“Is it really over, hyung?”

“I thought it would. I promised myself to be her bestfriend wherever she needs me. But when Yoongi gone and seeing her world broke apart, I couldn’t just sit and watch her”

Jungkook remembers the last song his brother release 6 months ago. The love song named Trivia: Love. The project collaboration with Hoseok and Yoongi. He still loves her. The feeling doesn’t stop in the past. It’s growing without his brother knowing.

I’m just human. You erode all my corners and make me into love.

Though the distance between I and U is long

F*** JKLMNOPQRST

I crossed all the letters and reached you

Look, mine and yours also sound the same

Though that doesn’t make me you,

I’d like to be a part of your book

I’d like to get involved in your novel

as your lover

“Why is my genius brother becoming an idiot?” ask Jungkook.

Namjoon just laughs. He thanks Jungkook in his head as he’s no longer mad. To be honest, Jungkook is his biggest supporter to keep doing music. If Jungkook turns his back to him, he thinks he can’t go far.

“I’ll talk to Yoongi. I’ll make sure he gives what Y/N deserve to get”

*

Yoongi sits in the meeting room with Heize, Giri Boy and marketing team members. They monitor the public response after the collaboration articles are out. One screen shows the comments on news portal and the other shows view numbers and live comments on the music video. The feedback is super positive and it brings relief to the team. Yoongi feels proud to himself. There’s one particular person he wants to share this feeling right now. Someone important in his life that is even more important than the life itself.

“The mixtape is getting the attention too, that’s great” says the head of marketing team. Yoongi offers them his shy smile.

“Exposure is indeed great, but I hope they like the music”

“I’m sure they will. This is Min SUGA PD we’re talking about” says Heize that supported by others.

“If this keeps going up, then we should really make another project” adds the manager.

“Okay. Let’s wrap it up now and schedule the team dinner on the next Friday”

The meeting is dismissed and Yoongi rushes to go to somewhere. He prepares himself for the worst but he won’t give up. He can’t give up. He will hold her hand until the end. He will run after her. He won’t do the same mistake. He arrives at the park not far from his old studio. Namjoon is there, waiting for him. Namjoon is his bestfriend but he is also Y/N’s. He will understand if Namjoon wants to beat him to death.

“Joon”

“Yoongs”

“I’m sorry I’m being a jerk this past month, but I… I can’t let her go. I can’t give her to you”

“I know”

[D-Day]

You keep monitoring Yoongi’s agency updates for his mixtape. Today, the countdown is supposed to be D-2. Two days before you can finally meet Yoongi and talk about everthing. You know your close friends are aware that something happened between you and Yoongi but you think it will be okay soon. You sleep less, hoping to see him coming through the door. You endlessly open and close your phone, waiting for his text or call.

You get new notification, informing the newest mixtape is out now. It’s quite a surprise but it means good news. You can meet Yoongi sooner than you expect. Out of happiness, you try to call him. This will be the first call after the fight, after two weeks.

“Please answer the call”

“The number you are calling-“

You keep trying to call him but you keep connected to his mailbox. You send some messages but no response. You try, and then you wait. You keep doing it, but you can’t reach him. You grab you purse and leave the home.

You stand in front of his studio. The bad memories come back at you. You push the pass code slowly, thinking Yoongi is inside. Thinking that you can finally meet him makes you nervous. The door is open and you rush yourself to go in. But no one’s there. No Yoongi, not even his equipment. He’s gone.

Yoongi arrives at the park not far from his old studio. Namjoon is there, waiting for him. Namjoon is his bestfriend but he is also Y/N’s. He will understand if Namjoon wants to beat him to death.

“Joon”

“Yoongs”

“I’m sorry I’m being a jerk this past month, but I… I can’t let her go. I can’t give her to you”

“I know”

“I really want to punch you when I see your text, but I don’t want to start a game that I know I’m going to lose. I should’ve gone to the gym with you and Hoseok back then”

Namjoon shakes his head and smile.

“The feeling is mutual. I stop myself from beating you up because I don’t want her to hate me more than she hates you”

They both laugh. They are brother after all.

“Thank you for being there for her. I’m ashamed to admit this but I don’t deserve her. I see how she’s not being herself and it pains me”

“She’s not giving up on you”

“I know and that’s why I want to come back with a better version of me. So I can tell people that I deserve her, I can give her happiness”

“You include me in that ‘people’ category?” Namjoon asks.

“Number 1 on the list” Yoongi answers with laugh.

Both of them sit in the silence. Too many things come across their minds. This will be the closure for Namjoon’s unrequited love, while new beginning for Yoongi.

“Just don’t do the same mistake, Yoongs. I’ll take her from you if this shit happens in the future and you, you’ll be the one who can’t see and hear anything from her”

“I swear I won’t repeat the same mistake so you can go and fall in love with someone else, not mine”

*

You open your eyes. The sun has risen so high to remind you another day has come. You thank God when realize that today is Saturday. You can avoid people from your workplace curiosity about your puffy eyes. You look at your phone screen. You really want to call him again but you’re afraid of the failure this time. You turn it on and open the lock. Almost every one you know sends you message but nothing from him. You have no energy to cry, so you just put it back and leave to the bathroom.

An hour later, you sit on your sofa again with you light lunch. You remember Namjoon always reminds you that whatever happens you have to stuff your mouth with food even when you don’t want to. You don’t aware that your phone continuously vibrates.

“Jungkook?”

“Noona, you’re home?”

“Yeah. Whats wrong? Are you… are you running?” you ask. Jungkook laugh and you hear his rush steps.

“Noona, meet me in front of your apartment. Hurry up! We don’t have much time”

“Hey, JK. If it’s one of your pranks I won’t fall for it”

“Noooo. I don’t do pranks again. Please believe me and come down”

You really have no energy to do anything yet Jungkook asking you to go out. You grab the black cardigan and layer it on your white t-shirt. It’s ends of June already but you always feel cold. Your wear glasses to hide your eyes. You bring your small bag and phone to meet Jungkook. If it’s nothing important, you swear you will give him a long speech. No more ‘I’ll forgive you because you’re cute’ again.

He brings you to the brunch café nearby. The café you used to visit with Yoongi. The last visit must be three months ago, when everything was still okay.

“Why we’re here?” you ask Jungkook who focuses on menu book. He doesn’t answer your question but calling the waiter. He orders 5 main dishes with 1 dessert.

“I want to try the dishes you recommend to me”

“All of them?”

“Yes, I can eat them all in one sitting. Besides, I have you here, so I have no worry on my plate”

“I’ve had my lunch” you say. Jungkook rises an eyebrow.

“Are you considering cereal with milk as your lunch? Oh please, noona. As the cereal mania, I’m offended”

You only laugh because you’ve got caught. You indeed just eat cereal for living these days.

Jungkook keeps babbling and you can only smile. You listen to his story and it does help to enlighten you. The food is coming one by one. When the last plate is placed, he cocks his head and look at you with his sparkling deer eyes. He asks me to eat with him and not to only watch him eating.

“Did you listen to the new song?” he asks. You stop for a while before looking at him.

“I slept early last night and woke up late”

“Would you listen to it?” he asks carefully.

You don’t answer his question and play with the food. You’re not sure if it’s the best choice to do.

“Would you give it a chance, noona?”

He begs to you with his eyes. He holds your hand, giving you strength to go on.

“I’ll be here. I’ll help you with anything”

Jungkook gives his phone and airpods to me. He encourages me to listen to it while he’s here with me. I take few deep breaths before click the play button.

I’m sorry, was I too harsh?

I’m way too fearless

I don’t know, I don’t know

Maybe I thought you’d comfort me

So I played hard to get

But when you’re not here

Everything crashes down

So with a blank face

I built a house

My footsteps are getting heavier

I can’t walk anymore

I can’t just let you go like this

But I can’t open my mouth

You listen to his melody. You listen to his lyrics. His song speaks to you. The key in relationship is communication but both you and Yoongi have failed. You two try to be considerate for the other person but it only pushes you away farther from each other. You look up at Jungkook, he gives you reassuring smile.

*

You’re back to the scariest place for you. His studio. Jungkook holds your shoulder from the back. You don’t realize that you are trembling. Your body remember the pain and it scares you.

“Everything will be okay” chants Jungkook repeatedly to make you believe him.

Your hand is still trembling and puts the code one by one. You remember what Suran tolds you.

‘We all know Yoongi is deeply in love with you so we kind of guessing his password. Then he officially tells everyone who is in the mixtape project including me for easy access. I’m sorry Y/N, I really am’

The door is open. Jungkook gives you another soft pat, supports you from behind. You take a step inside. You hear low sound of music. You can smell very familiar scent filling the room. All the equipment and decorations back to the room. You can see a figure sits on the chair looking at the monitor. You hold your breath. You’re scared that all of this is just your sweet dream.

“Y-Yoongi”

The man turns around. He smiles. Yoongi looks paler than the last time you saw him. His face looks thinner, dark circles appear more visible than before. He stands and walks to you.

“You came?”

“You’re here. You’re really here”

“I’m here. I will never leave again”

You really don’t want to cry. You’re tired for all the crying you did these months. He opens his arms widely, ready to embrace you again. He regrets to ever think leaving you will make you happier. He is in deep resentment to think he can live normally without you beside him.

“I’m sorry” says Yoongi softly. You hug him tight, you’re afraid he will disappear to thin air.

“No, I’m sorry”

Yoongi lifts my face to look at him.

“It takes me too long to be confident in being your boyfriend. I punish myself for being a fool to hurt you like that. But I just hurt you more”

“I shouldn’t doubt you that day. I can’t bear myself with the thought of losing you”

“I’m sorry, Y/N, I should’ve told you everything. Do you forgive me?”

You nod and hug him again.

“We make mistake, but we learn from it. We will make a new beginning and be together forever”

*

Yoongi fills you in for the days he absents from your life. How he tried to focus on finishing the mixtape album, how he gave all the best that he can for Heize new song, how he barely lived without you. You don’t miss the chance to punch his arms or chest whenever you think he’s an idiot. He takes it all, he thinks he deserves more than just light punch from you.

“Honestly, I’m afraid that you won’t take me back. That you start to think Joon is better than me”

“Hey!” you slap his chest. He laughs.

“I trust you but I don’t trust Joon. He had crush on you before you meet me, you know. If we didn’t meet, maybe he is the best person for you to be with”

“It’s all in the past, right? I hope Joon meet someone who loves him sincerely”

Yoongi pulls you to him, pastes your back to his chest. He hugs you tight and doesn’t answer your question. He is actually very scared to lose Y/N to his bestfriend. He doesn’t want you to know that Namjoon is still crushing on you. He, once, thinks that Namjoon loves you as much as he does.

He kisses your temple every time you stop talking. You find it cute and crave him more. You turn your head to him and kiss him on the lips. He just smiles.

“I miss you”

“I miss you more”

“Not sure about that. I miss you more than you miss me”

You love this Yoongi. No, you just love Yoongi and being with Yoongi, whatever side or color of him he shows to you.

“Can I meet your parents tomorrow?”

“My parents? Why?”

You fully turn your body to him. You feel nervous and nausea waiting for him answer. You are the fire and he is the water. When you easily pop small tantrums, Yoongi is very calm and gives you another insight.

“I need to talk to them, it’s very important”

“Should I, I don’t know, prepare something or anything?”

“No. Your presence is enough”

*

You finally sleep in peace. No more nightmares or waking up in the middle of the nights. You sleep so comfortably with Yoongi beside you. Both of you made a promise last night, to communicate better so you can understand each other better too. You promise to yourself, to not give in to your negative thoughts. You leave Yoongi who sleep soundly to make breakfast.

You inform your parents about your arrival. Your mom and dad are home, waiting for you and Yoongi. You can see Yoongi is more nervous than usual. You think that he may still blame himself and feel guilty to your parents. As much as your parents love you and be very protective, they won’t interfere your love live. They fully give the freedom to you.

You sit with Yoongi in front of your father after settling the drinks for the four of you. Your mother only smiles, while your father gives his scary face. Yoongi sit politely with his two hands upon his knees.

“Have you thought about it?” asks your father.

“Yes, sir”

You look back and forth between Yoongi and your father. This is the secret, the one that you asked Yoongi before. There’s indeed something between the men that you don’t know. You steal a glance to your mom, asking for the hint. Seems like you’re the only person who clueless.

“Then?”

“Please give your daughter’s hands to me. I may make mistake and being stupid but I will make her happy as long as she stays with me”

Your eyes go wide. You open your mouth just to close it again. You have so many things to say yet you can’t say anything. Your father smiles, half smirking, to Yoongi.

“Take you long enough, son”