#then for some people the spoiling is with the assumption that i am still in control

[mika-0730]

OKAY BUT Y'ALL DIDN'T TELL ME HOW RELATABLE THIS SCENE IS ON SEVERAL LEVELS

I JUST read this and like, there's a WHOLE nother level to this.

Dog girl is the prim and proper girl that everyone admires and she lives her life accordingly

Then, after getting her *Wolf* ears, she realizes she wanted an owner and someone to belong to the whole time

And SHE GETS FUCKING DENIED BY ALL THE PEOPLE WHO ORIGINALLY HELD HER IN HIGH STANDINGS!!!!!

Then one girl comes back and is like "wait no i still love you let me Do it" AND SHE ACTUALLY GIVES EFFORT INTO CARING ABOUT her

BUT THAT'S NOT ALL, WOLF GIRL IMMEDIATELY IS LIKE "girl you might be the master BUT I'm in charge and i will remind you to take *good* care of me"

AND LIKE HOLY FUCK THAT'S REAL FUCKIN RELATABLE THROUGH AND THROUGH

This read is really horny but there's some surprisingly relatable moments and this SOLD me

-- みみみっくす！７匹め ／ Mimi Mix!, Ch.7

lot of girls like this on tumblr.com

[lives-between-lines]

With her sweetened breath and her tongue so mean - poly!marauders x slytherin!reader

─

Summary: Preparing for the dreaded OWLs proves to be a difficult task for one tightly-wound Slytherin. How do Remus, James, and Sirius each offer assistance, and how does she handle it?

Notes: No Voldemort, but pureblood elitism is still very much a thing. Story starts at the end of the Marauders and Reader’s fifth year. I don’t know the most about all the Marauders Era headcanons so I kind of did what I wanted, sorry if you don’t like it. 

Tags: Angst, fluff, traumatized Slytherins, pureblood elitism, slightly mean!reader

Words: ~7.8k

p.1 p.2

─

I huffed as I reached for another heavy book on the shelf from one of the dark back corners of the library. I wasn’t in the restricted section just yet, but getting close to it. Between the weight of the other five books stacked in my arm and the height of the shelf I was trying to reach I nearly dropped them all. 

“Careful, there, Princess. Might break something lugging around all those books,” someone said next to me. I nearly jumped as I hadn’t noticed anyone come down this same aisle. 

I shot a glare at him for startling me. It was none other than Remus Lupin, one of those pesky Gryffindors who was constantly fighting me for my space at the top of the class. My glare intensified when I realized who it was.

“Yes, and it would sure be a shame if I managed to drop these on your foot and break something there,” I snarked. 

He looked amused at me. “Whoa, Princess, no need to get feisty with me. I was just going to offer my assistance.”

“And what kind of assistance should I accept from you when you’re just as likely to try and trick me?” Lupin gave me a weary look. Typical of Gryffindors to think everyone is as blindly trusting as them.

“No tricks, Princess, just offering a bit of help,” he said with a shrug.

“Would you stop that? Stop calling me that,” I snapped at him before turning back to the book I needed. Before I could make a second attempt to reach for it, Remus stepped up next to me and I froze. But then he grabbed the book for me and set it on top of my stack then took a step back. 

“Not a fan of your nickname?” He was of course referring to me being known as Slytherin’s Princess. Sometimes I like to pretend the nickname came about because I’m always top of the class, making my house proud, but I know the real reason is because I come from a wealthy, pureblood, Slytherin family and everyone thought me rather spoiled. 

“I am not some simpering girl in need of a man to save her and it’ll do good for the people in this school to remember that.” Despite his significant height, I lifted my chin to Remus Lupin and dared him to say otherwise. 

“Of course, of course,” he agrees, nodding his head and holding up his hands. “But you are Slytherin’s Princess, aren’t you?” His eyes light up in amusement at my frustration. 

My nostrils flare as I hold back my anger. It doesn’t do me any good to blow up at some stupid Gryffindor, not when that is exactly what he wants and I am not in the business of giving Gryffindors what they want.

Instead, I turn to walk away. Take the high-ground as they say. 

“Wait, wait, I’m sorry!” Remus calls after me, quickly catching up to and following me. “Seriously, dove, I’m sorry. I was only joking. Please, let me help you with whatever on earth you could possibly need all these books for.”

I stop abruptly and turn toward him. “And why should I accept help from someone like you?” I nearly growl at him, barely holding back my frustrations.

Remus looks taken aback by my words. “Someone like me? You mean a half-blood?”

It’s my turn to be startled by him. “I mean a Gryffindor,” I bite out. This was exactly why I couldn’t stand this brutish group, they were always so quick to jump to outrageous assumptions, thinking the worst of someone like me just because I’m in Slytherin.

He looks relieved and confused at the same time, but I don’t really care to help him unpack his complex emotions about the exact reasoning behind why I don’t trust him. 

I dump my books down onto the table I had claimed earlier and began to scour the table of contents in the first one. Uninvited, Remus took the chair next to me and began looking over my shoulder at the book. 

“Can I help you, Lupin? Or are you just interested in being a nuisance?” 

“I’m glad to be a nuisance any day, but as I’ve said before I was actually hoping to help you.”

“And as I’ve said before I’m not looking for any help.” 

“But that’s the thing, isn’t it? Is that this close to our OWLs you’re scouring books for something that you think you’ve missed, but you’ve been at the top of our classes all year, so I highly doubt you’ve managed to miss anything of real importance.” I give him a confused look, trying to discern how he’s figured me out so easily. Except he’s wrong, of course, I did somehow manage to lose the year a specific herb was realized to have certain medicinal properties. “So now I’m trying to answer the question of what does little miss Slytherin Princess think that she desperately needs to know, and will that really be the determining factor in her score on her OWLs?”

I glance around to make sure no one else is listening to me admitting defeat in front of a Gryffindor. “I don’t have the year we began to use hyssop to treat earaches,” I murmur. 

Remus’s face seems to fall at my admission. “That’s what you’re so concerned about? A minor herb’s medicinal use? Not even that, you already know that, but what year that was discovered? That is such a niche detail, there is absolutely no way Sprout asks us that.”

I roll my eyes. “Obviously Sprout’s not going to ask us about that, it’s Binns that I’m worried about,” I explain. Although I really shouldn’t be giving my enemy any help in preparing for our upcoming tests. I was just as desperate to best him on these tests as I’m sure he was me. 

“Binns?” He asks, outraged. “Binns would never ask about that in a million years.”

“You don’t know that, no one knows that. We had a lecture on the history of medicinal herbs, hyssop was one of them.”

“And so you really think that from that one lecture he’s going to ask us when hyssop was discovered to help with earaches?”

“I was reviewing my notes and I had written down the year but it got smudged.”

“You’re actually a raving lunatic,” Remus tells me. He looks around the library like he might get up and leave, but then he turns back to me. “I realize these are the most important tests of the year, but I think you have way overestimated the difficulty of the questions that will be on them.”

“And I think you can never be too safe.”

We hold each other’s gaze for several moments. Remus finally blinks and then sighs. “Confound it all, fine. Hand me one.” He holds his hand out expectantly. 

I stare at him, confused. 

“Well? Are we going to look for this blasted year or not?” I blink out of my stupor and hand him one of the books I had grabbed. 

We sit in silence for a long while, pouring over the texts. The only sound in this part of the library is us turning pages. The first book I look through doesn’t contain my answer, and neither must the book Remus has. Although I am tempted to go back later and double check he didn’t find it and not tell me in an effort to trick me. 

After I get through two more books and Remus goes through three, I can’t stop myself from asking the question that had been nagging in the back of my head the entire time. 

“Why exactly are you helping me? Surely you’d much rather be focused on your own studying.”

Remus slowly pulls his attention away from the book in front of him. He blinks at me and then furrows his brows. “Sorry, I know you said something, I just didn’t quite catch what,” he admits. 

I can’t help the small laugh at his honesty. “Why are you helping me? I thought you’d want to be studying for your OWLs.”

“I am studying for my OWLs,” he replies, tauntingly. I roll my eyes at him. 

“Come on, you know what I meant,” I push. 

He shrugs and I think that’s going to be all the answer I get, then after a pause he says, “you’ve intrigued me. I’m curious now to find out when we started using hyssop for earaches.” There’s something about his tone that’s off, but I mark it down to him just teasing me. “Besides, I’m already plenty prepared to get a perfect score and take my spot at the top of the class.”

I laugh at his taunting. “Clearly not prepared enough if you’re not well versed in the history of hyssop,” I tease back. 

He gives me a winning smile and something in my chest stutters at it. I must just be unsettled by his obviously false flattery. 

“Can I ask you something in return?” He asks after a moment. 

I consider him, then reply, “I don’t promise to answer, but you’re welcome to ask.” 

He smiles again and this time it feels like my heart has been squeezed just a bit. “Well I suppose that’s fair. But are you always so…” he trails off and I get nervous at where he’s going with this. “Well, are you always so intense about knowing every little detail?” He finally finishes. 

It must be relief that floods my veins when he doesn’t ask anything backhanded or rude. I actually give him a smile before glancing down at my lap. 

“I have to be, don’t I? There’s one way to stay where I am and it’s by rigorous study,” I admit. 

“Is it really so important to stay at the top that you have to obsess like this, though?” 

I think back to what happened when I would slack off with my studies at home before coming to Hogwarts. I can’t help the way my face falls at the memories. 

“I suppose it might not be so important to a Gryffindor, but success is a high priority in Slytherin,” I finally respond. It seems when I don’t know how to react I lash out, although Remus is lucky to have caught me in a good mood as I let him off rather easily. 

Nonetheless he still looks a bit dejected by my response. I feel a bit bad for shutting him down when we had been starting to get along rather well. 

“We should probably focus on the matter at hand, though, if we ever want to find our answer before curfew,” I say, returning to the book in front of me. 

“Right…” Remus murmurs. Part of me expects him to leave at that point, after all that’s when everyone else does. He surprises me when he stays and doubles down his efforts. 

I open my mouth, to say what I’m not entirely sure. I close my mouth again when I realize that I want to apologize. There’s no way that Remus wants some half baked apology from me. 

Time passes in silence, the both of us occupied with our search, but my mind keeps wandering to the way I had snapped at Remus. I didn’t understand why he had sat down to help me, but I shouldn’t have antagonized him for asking a simple question. It wasn’t his fault that the answer wasn’t so simple. 

I can’t help stealing glances of him every few minutes, which significantly hinders my speed in reading my book, but Remus doesn't seem to notice and I can’t get myself to stop. This means that I notice almost immediately when Remus freezes suddenly. I try not to react, not wanting to have been caught looking.

“Holy shit!” He nearly shouts, someone nearby shushes him loudly, but he’s too busy jumping out of his seat to mind. “Oh, Merlin’s beard I actually found it!” He whispers loudly this time and pumps his fist. Standing at his height above me while I sit next to him I have to strain my neck to look up at his face, but it’s such a beautiful sight with how excited he is.

“You mean you actually found the year?” I ask, matching his excitement.

He nods enthusiastically at me then points to the line of text that contains the answer we’d spent hours searching for. “Yes, yes, look! It’s right there.”

We celebrate as quietly as we can and I quickly jot down the information into my notes. 

“Oh, thank you, Remus! You’ve just saved me probably three hours.” I stand to join him. It’s then that I finally check the time and realize just how close it is to curfew. “Ah, shit,” I murmur. “We should turn in for the night. I don’t fancy having a run-in with Filch tonight.”

“Let me walk you to your dorm?” Remus offers.

“What? It’s nearly curfew, you’ll risk getting in trouble with Filch. No, I’m perfectly capable of seeing myself to my dorms for the night,” I reply firmly. 

“Don’t worry about me, dove, I can handle myself. Let me walk you to your dorm.” This time Remus sounds more like he’s telling me than asking me. Nevertheless I nod in agreement and we make our way to the Slytherin common room in the dungeons. 

On the way down, Remus teases me lightly about how obsessed I must be to dedicate so much effort into finding such a small detail. I tease him back about him being a nerd for helping me look for the answer. It’s lighthearted and easy and part of me thinks I could get used to having Remus as a friend. Another part of me questions what it would look like for me to be friends with a Gryffindor and whether my parents would approve or not. Then the first part kicks the second part for being such a self-obsessed ass. 

Just outside the entrance to the Slytherin common room I wave goodbye to Remus and wish him a good night. I try not to blush when he calls me “dove,” and dart into the safety of the common room. 

─

The next few weeks Remus seems to make it a habit of running into me in the library when I would otherwise be alone. In the past I had tried studying with Narcissa or Andromeda but the pair of them had bad habits of wanting to chat while I wanted to actually study, so my time in the library had previously been spent alone. 

Remus was different, though. He understood my desire to focus on the material in front of me and not whether or not his hair was looking frizzier than normal. 

Before I knew it I had come to rather enjoy his company. It felt almost reassuring that there was someone else who was similarly interested in studying, but wanted to do it with me. Somehow it was like studying at the same table as him made studying that much better, even if nothing of substance had changed. 

─

On a Saturday morning, a couple weeks before we were to begin taking our OWLs, I went out to the Black Lake just before the sun rose. I had slept fitfully, getting more and more nervous for the tests ahead of me. There was so much pressure to do good on these, I didn’t know what I would do if I were anything less than perfect. 

I don’t know why exactly I came out here, I just knew that I needed fresh air. Without much else of a plan, I sat down at the trunk of a tree and pulled out my wand. I practiced a couple small charms and transfigurations on the branches and rocks around me. 

“I’d say that rock doesn’t stand a chance against you, but I’d like to know what it did to deserve such treatment in the first place.”

I dropped the spell I had been using to propel the rock in the air and it fell swiftly. There likely wasn’t anyone in the school who I would not have been shocked to see, but I was especially shocked it was none other than James Potter. He’s a fairly popular boy my age in Gryffindor, mostly known for his outspokenness and disruptive behavior. If my memory serves me right, which it always does, he’s actually friends with Remus Lupin.

“What are you doing out here so early?” I can’t help but ask.

“I could ask the same of you,” he points out. I finally take him in at that moment. He’s wearing loose shorts and an old Gryffindor quidditch t-shirt that he’s cut the bottom half off to show off his athletic build. His curly hair is a mess atop his head, but I get the notion it’s always like that. When I meet his eyes I’m struck by how blue they are that I can notice even with him standing several feet in front of me. I can’t help but think to myself how pretty he is. He gives me a dorky smile, as if used to the attention but still not sure how to respond.

“Couldn’t sleep so well. Thought some fresh air would do me some good,” I finally answer, not acknowledging how I’d just been looking at him.

“Some fresh air and tormenting rocks?” He teases.

“Is that all you think we Slytherins do? Torment everything?” I huff. 

His face twists at my response. “No, no that’s not what I meant at all. It was just a joke, most people laugh at them.”

I sigh and lean back against the trunk of the tree. “I’m sorry, I’m just a bit on edge,” I admit, though I’m not sure why I feel the urge to open up to this next to perfect stranger.

James takes a few steps closer and I tense up, but he just takes a seat next to me under the tree. “What’s got you so on edge?” 

“Is that another one of your jokes? The OWLs obviously.”

“Oh, right. I suppose those are coming up soon.” He pauses and tears some grass in front of him. “What’re you stressed over those for?” 

My brows pinch together and I stare at him like he’s grown a second head. “They’re only the most important tests of the entire school year, of our entire schooling career thus far! These will determine our entire futures.”

It’s James’s turn to look at me like I’m crazy. “They’re just another test, though. And I really don’t see how they’ll determine our entire futures,” he says plainly. 

I scoff and roll my eyes. Leave it to a Gryffindor to blow off something so important. 

“Look, I know you’ve got this whole thing about being perfect in every subject and staying ahead of everyone else, so I’ll make you a deal.” I turn to him, my interest piqued. “If you do any less than perfect on each of your OWLs, I’ll turn all the professor’s hair purple,” he offers.

My jaw drops at his suggestion. “What on earth would that accomplish?”

“Well I figure people won’t be talking about what grade you got on your OWLs if they’re too busy talking about Dumbledore with a lilac beard,” he’s laughing even as he says it. I laugh, too, at that image. 

“Make it bright pink and I’ll help you,” I reply through giggles. 

James gives me his award-winning dorky smile and I can’t tear my eyes away. 

“Seriously, though, I’ll bet you’ve already gotten perfect scores on every other test this year, there can’t be anyone else more prepared than you.”

“Thank you,” I mumble, not used to outright compliments that weren’t also an insult. My gaze falls to where James is still fiddling with the grass. “A bit antsy, are you?”

“Sorry,” he sighs, “I’ve been trying to work on that. I actually came out here to go for a run, it helps me burn some of my extra energy before the day so I can focus a bit better.”

I can’t imagine wanting to start the day by burning through energy, I often woke up with barely enough to make it through the day. 

“Oh, I’m sorry to be keeping you. I can go back inside if you want to run by yourself,” I offer and even before I finish talking, I’m pushing to stand up. 

“No, no you’re fine!” He’s quick to reassure me. “Please, stay. Actually if you want you could join me, it might help you clear your mind.”

I consider for a moment before deciding to agree. There couldn’t be much harm in it, it was still at least another hour before most people would get up for the day and I didn’t have anything better to do. 

While we run I can’t help glancing over to James, who’s clearly in his own world.

The sun began to peak over the horizon, slowly illuminating our path. At one point the sun is behind James when I steal another glance at him, and the way the light catches on his features makes him look like a real life angel.

James proves to be right, the run did help me to clear my mind. When we stop back where we had started I’m feeling significantly lighter than before, even if I am breathing significantly heavier. 

“That was… fun,” I am slow to admit. “Thank you, Potter.”

“Anytime, darling.” He gives me another goofy smile. “Feel free to join me whenever you like, I come out at the same time everyday.”

“I just might take you up on that.”

─

I don’t know what makes me do it, but I take James Potter up on his offer every day for a week straight. I quickly come to enjoy the ritual of it, waking up before dawn, sneaking out of my dorm, getting the fresh air and clearing my mind before the day. 

James’s presence was a reassuring one, even if we didn’t always talk much. I had the sense that he would listen to anything I needed to say and offer encouragement. 

As our OWLs loom ever closer I come to rely on our runs to center me in the mornings more and more, but I also question how long James will continue to let me join him. He never says anything to indicate he doesn’t want me to join, though, so I take him at face value and keep meeting him under our tree every morning. 

─

The night before we’re to start our OWLs I find myself unable to sleep for even a minute. Of course this wasn’t a problem for my dorm mates who had fallen asleep at least two hours ago. 

I toss and turn, thinking that maybe if I could just get comfortable I could get to sleep. Of course I have no such luck. Eventually I decide that drastic times call for drastic measures. 

I don’t have to worry about being too quiet as I climb out of my bed, pull on a jumper, and slip on my sneakers. I’ve mastered this routine from sneaking out for my morning runs. 

Two years prior Narcissa was sniffling and sneezing her brains out, but didn’t want to wake Madam Pomfrey for medicine. Andromeda insisted we could take care of her ourselves, she just needed a good, hot cup of tea to clear her system. I never knew where she learned it, but she showed me a way to slip into the kitchens undetected. She then showed me which cabinet to find the herbs in, and also which herbs were the right ones. And then she showed me how to use the kettle. 

It was amazing how much better Narcissa was able to sleep after she finished her cup of tea, and the next day she was right as rain. I quickly became obsessed with the simple magic behind a “good cup of tea” and asked Andromeda to tell me everything she knew about the different recipes and ingredients. When her knowledge proved to be rather limited I went on a rampage in the library until I was satisfied─ a good two weeks later. 

My plan was a simple blend to help me sleep and settle my nerves. Chamomile and cinnamon was sounding particularly tasty, although I was considering whether I might like lavender with rosemary more. Lost in my thoughts, I didn’t notice at first there was already someone else in the kitchens. Thankfully when I did I only jumped a little. 

Confused, I stared at Sirius Black as he took a kettle off one of the stoves. He gave me an amused look in return. 

“Couldn’t sleep either?” He guessed.

“No, I’m quite afraid not.”

He gave me a sad smile in understanding. “Have a seat, I’ll make you a cup,” he offered. I can’t say why I listened, but I did. Maybe in a moment of weakness before a highly stressful event I didn’t care that I didn’t know him much, I just wanted to let someone take care of me. 

“Any preference on what kind?” He asks.

“Hmm, I was debating between chamomile with cinnamon or lavender with rosemary,” I say. Then, because I can’t help myself, I proceed to list off my many thoughts on the benefits of each ingredient and what might best suit my current situation. 

Lost in my thoughts, I don’t notice that Sirius has made a decision for me and already started steeping the herbs in the water. I’ve somehow veered off onto what might make a good combination if Sirius was having a headache, or if his headache was caused by a cold and he had other symptoms what could help with that. 

To his credit, he never once interrupts or even looks bored. In fact the entire time he seems to regard me with mild amusement, and I begin to get the impression that everything he encounters in life amuses him. 

I don’t even stop rambling about tea when he sets my cup in front of me. After taking a sip, I start to tell him how very fond I am of lemon balm, then pause when I finally realize the cup of tea is already made. 

For the first time since Sirius asked what kind of tea I wanted, he is finally given a chance to say something. “Are you sure you weren’t meant to be in Ravenclaw?”

I scoff at his suggestion. “Don’t be absurd, Slytherins can be just as studious as Ravenclaws, we just typically hold our cards a little closer to our chest.”

“Right.” He nods. “This was you holding your cards close to your chest?” He then questions.

“Well it’s not like there’s any great secret behind tea. And besides, even if I haven’t been able to sleep I am quite tired.” A yawn escapes me just then to prove my point. “Narcissa always complains about my tendency to ramble when I’m tired.”

“Why would she complain? I found it rather entertaining,” he says, lightheartedly. Even though his tone has a hint of joking to it, I feel like he’s being honest. 

I give him a small smile before taking another sip from my cup. It’s still quite hot, but the flavors are still strong. “Mmm, this is quite delicious,” I compliment. “Is it chamomile with… rosemary?” 

Sirius gives me a proud grin. “Ten points to Slytherin,” he jokes. A smile falls on my face. 

“What have you made for yourself?” I ask, glancing at his cup. 

“Vanilla and rose.” 

“That sounds lovely. I can’t believe I hadn’t thought of that before.”

“James’s mum makes it for us all the time. Do you want to try a sip?” He offers. I nod quickly and he passes over his cup. Sure enough it’s a delightful mixture. I tell him such and he tells me the measurements so that I can make it for myself. 

“So what’s keeping you up on this otherwise peaceful night?” Sirius asks.

“You’ve got to be kidding,” I groan. He looks at me dumbly, confused as to what the obvious answer might be. “We start our OWLs tomorrow,” I scoff. 

“Merlin, you can’t really be this stressed about it.” He sounds disbelieving, though I’m not sure why. 

“I can and I am,” I say, matter-of-factly. He rolls his eyes and turns to begin putting away the tea kettle. “Why are you up, if not because of the OWLs?” I then ask.

“Not for any good reason. Have always had trouble sleeping,” he says, but the tightness in his voice, and the way he tugs at a lock of hair behind his ear tells me there’s something else he doesn’t want to share. I can’t fault him for that, though. “Which of your OWLs do you feel most prepared for?” He asks after a moment of tense silence. 

It throws me off for just a second. Most people want to know which test I’m most nervous for, want to know what area I’m weakest in, where the chip in my armor is so that they might strike there. I consider for a moment, not wanting to say something that I end up bombing. Eventually, I decide on my favorite subject. Sirius seems to accept that answer without pushing any further, so I turn it on him. 

“Defense Against the Dark Arts,” he answers almost immediately. “I want to be an auror,” he brags. 

I roll my eyes at the proud smirk on his face. “Of course you do.”

“Well? What do you want to be?” Sirius asks as if expecting a lame answer such as archivist. 

“My parents want me to be an alchemist,” I reply in what I would guess is a lame answer.

“That’s great for them, what do you want to be, though?” Looking into his eyes at that moment feels as if he’s staring into my soul. 

“I… I don’t know,” I mumble slowly and my brows furrow. I can’t help but look at my cup of tea, half empty at this point. No one had ever asked me what I wanted before, not when it came to something so major. It was always assumed I would follow the path my parents laid for me. 

When I find the courage to look back up to Sirius he has a sympathetic look on his face. 

“Don’t look at me like that,” I snap.

In return, Sirius’s face pinches in anger. “I wasn’t looking at you any type of way,” he defends.

“Yes, you were, you had this look on your face like you were sad for me,” I accuse. “Don’t be sad for me.”

“I’m not sad for you─”

“Good, because you have no reason to be. My life is great and everything is perfectly fine.” The way I say it even Sirius can tell that I’m trying to convince myself more than him at this point. I let out a frustrated sigh. I want to say something about how I’m a great witch and I’m meant to be an alchemist, but another voice in my head whispers to explain how I really feel.

“Look,” I start, then trail off. 

“It’s complicated,” he finishes for me. “I get it. I’m sure you know about my family, you know I get it.” His voice is so soft as he talks to me, as if I’m a frightened animal. But despite my flaws I am still a Slytherin, and I do not appreciate being treated like a frightened animal. 

“Leave it to a Gryffindor to be so self-absorbed they assume everyone knows their tragic tale of woe. Maybe instead of staying up late to make tea and trying to relate to girls you hardly know you should work on your form for your smokescreen spell.” The words spill out of me before I even consider them. I don’t even take the time to be shocked at my outburst. Instead I storm off. 

“Yeah, you’re one to talk about self-absorbed, Princess!” He shouts at my back. I nearly flinch at the nickname, but keep going out of the kitchens and straight back up to my dorm.

─ 

The morning before the first day of our OWLs testing I follow my same routine. I wake up early to run with James, and he tries to ask if I’m feeling alright, but I brush him off and neither of us acknowledges the way I push myself harder on this run than I ever had before. 

After our run, I go back up to my dorm to shower and get ready for the day. My dorm mates still haven’t caught on yet that I’ve started getting up hours earlier. They do ask if I’m feeling flush and press their hands to my forehead, though. I shove them off with a grumbled, “I’m fine,” and shove my things for the day into my bag. 

In the Great Hall I can hardly stomach a plain slice of toast, but I just manage to get it down with some orange juice. I feel a bit queasy, but today is too important to pay that feeling any mind. 

On my way to the first test of the day, I think back to Remus’s reassuring words from our study session the night before. 

“Look, I know trying to reassure you that you’ll do great won’t get through to you, even if I have never been more sure of anything in my life,” Remus says softly, almost hesitantly. “Instead I hope you know that it will be okay if you aren’t perfect.” My heart hits my stomach and I drop my quill. I start to shut down, prepare to lash out. Why would he say that? He thinks I won’t be perfect? 

“Maybe other people will have different opinions, but I will still be your friend and I know that everything will turn out okay for you.”

Oh. My heart flutters back to life. We’re friends? 

For once in my life, I do not lash out at someone for trying to get closer to me, for saying something honest that I wasn’t ready to hear. 

I give him a sad smile. “Thanks, Remus.” I pause for a long moment. “I’m glad you’re my friend,” I whisper. Then, because I’m not sure how to proceed after that, I stiffly turn back to my notes. Remus, ever the gentleman, goes back to his book and doesn’t push me any further. 

I don’t think anyone had ever told me before that it was okay to be anything less than perfect, but his words become my mantra for the day. 

“It will be okay if I’m not perfect,” I think to myself as I walk into the classroom. 

I take a seat next to Narcissa. It will be okay if I’m not perfect. 

The professor instructs us to start. It will be okay if I’m not perfect. 

I read over every question three times. It will be okay if I’m not perfect. 

I double check each of my answers. It will be okay if I’m not perfect. 

I finish the last question. It will be okay if I’m not perfect. 

I walk up to the front of the class and turn in my test. It will be okay if I’m not perfect. 

As I leave the classroom I’ve almost convinced myself that it will be okay if I’m not perfect. 

My stomach begins to churn and I walk straight to the nearest bathroom, into one of the stalls, and promptly begin to lose my breakfast. I hear the door open behind me when I’ve stopped heaving. 

“Think you’ve found yourself in the wrong bathroom, Princess,” someone says mockingly. Footsteps come closer to me. “Oh shit, are you okay?”

I hadn’t bothered to lock the stall door behind me, so I’m able to turn and see Sirius Black. Again. I give him a horrified look. 

“What the bloody hell are you doing in the girls’ room?” I nearly shout at him.

“Actually you’re the one who’s walked into the boys’ room,” he informs me. I give him a disbelieving look until he shifts and my gaze falls on a line of urinals behind him. My face blushes profusely and I stare at Sirius, mortified. He gives me a pitying look. “It’s okay, pretty girl, you’re clearly not feeling well. Stay there for a moment.”

Still in shock, I stay put. I hear the sink running for a moment, then Sirius comes back with a damp towel. He hands it to me to wipe my face. 

“Thanks,” I murmur. 

“Don’t sweat it,” he replies. With a tender hand, he helps me to my feet when I’m ready. “Let’s get you to Madam Pomfrey, then.”

“Oh, no, that’s really not necessary. It must’ve just been something I had at breakfast,” I lie. 

Sirius gives me a disbelieving look. “You’ve clearly worried yourself sick and we both know it.”

I don’t reply as I follow him out of the bathroom. My plan was to start going in the direction of the hospital wing, then double back to the library to keep studying. Sirius’s plan was to follow me.

“I’m more than capable of walking myself to the hospital wing,” I say tersely. 

“And I’m more than capable of walking with you. I’m glad we’ve determined our abilities for this excursion.” 

I shoot him a glare that would scare off most other people. Sirius doesn’t even blink at me. My new plan: ignore Sirius as he insists on walking me to see Pomfrey. 

“How did you feel about it?” He asked after a moment. 

I don’t respond. 

“I personally thought some of the questions were a bit repetitive, like I had to explain myself multiple times.” 

I stay strong. 

“But maybe that’s a bad sign that I didn’t do as good as I thought.” 

Just keep staring straight ahead, he has to shut up eventually, I think to myself. 

“On the second question─”

“Would you just shut up already?” I snapped. I was stressed enough over how I did without reliving it with someone I didn’t even like. 

Sirius holds his hands up defensively. “Someone’s cranky,” he says with a laugh.

“I am not cranky, I just don’t particularly care to discuss the test with you.” My eyes roll of their own volition. 

“What should you care to discuss then?” He asks. 

“With you? Not much.” Maybe if I can discourage him enough he’ll grow bored and wander off. 

“It’s a bit of a trek to the hospital wing from here, though, and I’ve found conversation to be a great way to pass time.” Of course, I should know that Gryffindors are not so easily discouraged.

“I’ve found that there’s no reason for you to walk all the way to the hospital wing with me.” 

“Wow, are you like this all the time?” He finally snaps back.

“Like what?” I pretend to be ignorant. 

He scoffs at me. “Rude, Princess. Are you always so rude?”

I flare up at the nickname. The way he says it, it feels like he knows I don’t like it. 

“Nobody asked you to pester me,” I say. 

“Most people would consider this an act of kindness, not pestering.”

“How unfortunate for you that I am not like most people.” 

“It would do you a bit of good to learn something from them, maybe you could start with some manners.”

“I’m perfectly well mannered, thank you very much. You’re the one who didn’t listen when I told you I was fine to walk by myself, and you’re the one working yourself up by staying with me when you could bug off to literally anywhere else.” With that I begin to speed up to leave him behind.

Sirius actually stops for just a moment, as if really considering my words. Then he rushes to catch up to me. “No, I want to know what’s so bloody great about you,” he says. 

I give him a strange look. “I never claimed for anything to be so great about me.”

“Maybe not but you sure act like it, so tell me: what is so bloody great about you? What makes you so special that you think yourself better than everyone else here?”

It’s my turn to stop in my tracks. “Who the hell said I think I’m better than everyone?”

“No one has to say it, Princess.” The way he says Princess feels like venom on his tongue. 

I want to hit him. Punch him in the face and give him a great bloody nose. I want to hex him. Maybe knock him off his feet. I want to scream at him. Scream that I don’t think myself better than everyone, that I’m just an imposter pretending to be perfect all the time. 

It will be okay if I’m not perfect.

Tears start to well in my eyes. I haven’t cried since I was eleven and my family was getting ready to drop me off at Hogwarts for the first time. 

“Do not cry, darling, it’s unbecoming,” my mother says to me. “Soon you will be sorted into Slytherin and prepare to continue your family’s legacy. You must show strength at all times, even if you do not feel it. We can not be perceived as weak.”

A single tear snakes out of the corner of my eye and down the apple of my cheek. I look down and it falls to the ground by my feet. Another tear falls, and before I know it I am fully crying. I start to struggle to breathe. 

When I look back up to Sirius he looks terrified. He must think he’s what’s made me cry. The truth is it’s the last five years that have built up to weigh on me continually. It’s the way my life was gilded and no one had ever cared to look below the surface until a few weeks ago when Remus Lupin offered to help me study. Until James Potter offered to go for a run. Until Sirius Black offered me a cup of tea. 

My quiet tears begin to turn into choked sobbing as I realize how sad my life really was, that these three Gryffindors had shown me a kind of genuine caring that I hadn’t known could exist. 

Hesitantly, Sirius takes my hand to lead me over to a nearby bench so I can sit down and try to collect myself. It takes several minutes for me to control my breathing, and several more for my tears to subside. I finally look down to notice that I’m still holding Sirius’s hand, that I’d actually been holding it quite firmly. 

“Oh, Merlin, I’m so sorry,” I say, my voice hoarse, as I release his hand from my grasp. “You were right. Everything is so very complicated.”

Sirius gives me that same look he did last night, and I realize. He wasn’t sad for me, he understood me. But how was it fair that he would get to leave, when his brother and I were left behind with our authoritarian families? Selfishly, I think maybe he could show me the way.

I sit there, lost in my thoughts, for a long while. Sirius stays with me. Eventually the bells toll to indicate it was time for lunch. When I glance up at Sirius, he’s already looking at me. 

“Can I make you an offer?” He asks. 

I grow weary at his words. “I would suppose that depends on what the offer is.”

“Well, your eyes are red and swollen and you’ve got mascara tracked down your cheeks,” he starts and I grow horrified as I realize what I must look like. There was no way I could go into the Great Hall looking like the mess I surely am. He lets out a small laugh at my expression. “Why don’t you go clean up, and I’ll grab us some lunch from the Great Hall. We can meet in the south courtyard.”

I was amazed that even after I’d been so mean to him, he would still be so kind to me. 

“That would be quite nice actually. Thank you,” I reply softly. 

Sirius gives me a swift nod, then helps me to stand up. We go our separate ways, me to my dorm to wash my face and apply some fresh mascara and concealer, and Sirius to the Great Hall. 

─

I’ve just sat down in a corner of the courtyard for a couple minutes when Sirius shows up. I try not to look too shocked when James and Remus appear with him. Of course, I knew they were all friends, they went galavanting around the entire school proclaiming themselves marauders, but I’d never interacted with all three of them together. 

It suddenly occurs to me that they likely share a dorm, and very well could have planned this all to be some grand prank on me. But they had all seemed so genuinely kind to me until this point, and I was so tired of constantly second guessing everyone’s intentions. I decided that if this were some prank I would let them have their fun at me, then show them the real wrath of Slytherin. 

The three of them quickly set up a small picnic and begin lighthearted conversation. James compliments the way my hair looks today. Sirius teases James for the way his hair looks everyday, although I would argue it flatters him I don’t say that aloud. Remus gives me a knowing look as the two begin bickering. 

Spending time with the three of them is easy, and feels right. Like it was always meant to be the four of us all together. None of them mentions my earlier breakdown, or even anything to do with our tests. I wonder what Sirius told them before they all came out here. Whatever it was, none of them shows me any judgment so I can guess he must have skipped over my rude behavior. 

I’m sad when the bells ring again to signify the end of lunch. We clean up our area of the courtyard, then head back inside. Over the course of my time with the boys I feel my spirits lifted significantly, feeling much better and ready to face the next two weeks of tests. 

It will be okay if I’m not perfect, I think to myself again, and this time I really do believe it. Because even if I’m only just getting to know Remus, James, and Sirius, I know that they are my friends and they’ll be there for me.

[blushydiorrb]

BY blushydior

HOW I CHANGED MY LIFE WITH THE LAW OF ASSUMPTION

note: post inspired by @cinefairy (´͈ ᵕ `͈) ♡°◌̊ + brief mentions of sensitive topics

♡┊ my life before:

i dealt with immense abuse and toxicity. the whole works. i was in foster care, constantly traveling to different countries. i’ve been depressed and suicidal, failed attempt after attempt since i was 7. traveled city to city during hs to sleep, had to look for shelter at 19 because the abuse got too much, having to take care of children all my life & never having time to live for myself — it was for as long as i could remember to the point where feeling numb, empty, sad & hopeless was the normal to me. i was confident in myself, ill give myself that; only because ever since i was little i dreamt big. but that kept being pushed away the more i dealt with my circumstances. but i just knew— something inside me was telling me that i was special. after finding out loa, slump after slump, i did it. i never gave up. and im proud that i never did.

even after i renewed this blog, i had still been dealing with depression and was hospitalized for it but i. did. it. im here living my dream life and you can be too.

♡┊ my life now:

i have: financial freedom, my desired appearance from head to toe, buying the most luxurious houses in my desired states/cities, revised my name, semi socialite, model, elevated my interests into talents such as painting, drawing, singing, dancing, film, edit, writing, photography, i now own multiple businesses, a soon to be author, amazing intelligence, fluent in multiple languages, martial arts, desired friends, always being safe, friends with a few of my fave celebs, spoiling my nieces & nephews, and a dream bf literally as all of my favorite book boyfriends combined. he’s perfect. + so much more.

i still can’t process this sometimes but i seriously made myself the dream girl my younger self always knew was in me.

♡┊ how i did it:

simplified the law. made my own rules. decided what my new story was. left the old one to die out and most importantly: took it easy on myself. i was doing my best to live my dream life because i knew it was possible. so why be so hard on myself?

it took some time at first considering my circumstances but thats why we persist, my love. affirming and persisting. never giving up. kept the faith. that’s it. it didn’t take longer than a month!

💌 ┊ my note to everyone:

you can do it. it’s possible. and you deserve to live your dream life. it’s okay to have doubts, it’s okay to question yourself, the law, etc. what’s important is that you GET UP, be gentle and kind to yourself. i stg you better be nice to urself… 😤👹 and persist.

i love you, i love you, i love you. blushydior loves you!!!! so much. and is giving the warmest and tightest hugs to everyone who is reading thus far. it was a heavy topic considering how much of a private person i am but i had to make it. thank you for reading. it means so much to me. - 🧸

special thank you, hugs & kisses to @cinefairy @heraisgod — ♡ the most inspiring people ever. you were the ones who kept reminding me to keep pushing and to be strong. i owe you everything.

- blushydior ♡

[charliemwrites]

One day... one day Saint is going to get what amounts to just past a mild cold (I get the vibes that they almost never get sick, we're talking once every decade or so, but when they do...) and that is when I will strike.

While poor poor Saint is dealing with fever and aches and the weakness that all come with sickness, I will force feed them lovingly made soup and crackers, lemon ginger tea with honey, and will wait on them hand and foot for however long it lasts! If Saint tries to escape their fate of being taken care of for 3-7 business days (or however long the cold lasts), I will break out bed straps that I borrowed without permission from the med bay and simply tie their legs together at the ankles. I am banking on the assumption that this cold saps Saint of all their usual strength and dexterity/hand eye coordination.

I make sure to gloat, ever so slightly, at how "Oh, the big, strong, Saint has fallen so far! Your name must be Thérèse because you're looking like the saint of the weak right now." (Yes I break out the googled saint knowledge, this is an important moment for me. Omega or not, my being a little shit is eternal)

When Saint inevitably gets better, because of my incredible taking care of them, of course, I run out of there as fast as possible, leaving behind a small origami animal as a present of (not so apologetic) apology, and as thanks for dealing with my nigh constant bullshit. (Saint makes me go 🥺 ueueueueue, and my heart oscillates between cuteness aggression and wanting to make them the happiest person ever)

Yall want to spoil saint so bad without reciprocation and it makes your people-pleasing tendencies show /jk

Look, yall keep forgetting they’re an Alpha. So being any level of sick is likely to make them more aggressive. Now, this is Saint we’re talking about, so you’re not likely to get growled or snapped at, but you can be sure they’re not as tolerant of all this coddling silliness.

Mostly, they hate feeling like they can’t protect or provide for their pack. So usually, they’ll power through an illness with some extra shut-eye when possible. If it’s bad enough that they’re laid up in bed, getting within arms reach means you’re getting snatched up and bundled in. That way, they can rest and still make sure you’re safe and close.

Again! Saint doesn’t mind care and love. Feed them, groom them, nuzzle them and give them little gifts. They enjoy the attention and the sign that their omega loves and trusts them. You’re just going to receive that affection in return. Deal with it 😎

[spenjelly]

Some nights I am normal and other nights I have the big mad about mha characters

These characters include:

Enji todoroki; I would like to steal his knee caps and cronch them like chips in front of him while making blistering and prolonged eye contact

All Might; That man did not do right by Izuku midoriya. What kind of professional hero leaves a civilian (and minor and minority) who was previously unconscious and suffocating without medical help on a roof alone after bluntly crushing their hopes??

Kai Chisaki; it’s not enough. I don’t know if anything could be enough but it’s not enough.

Eri; I would die for this child and strongly desire to spend all my disdain for her “guardian” spoiling her.

The MHA faculty (and All Might, again;) who thought it was a good idea to not inform a minor’s teacher (and basically guardian) that he literally just got his quirk and has absolutely no control over it instead of letting false assumptions build?

Bakugo; homie literally chill. Also why do consequences just not exist. Forgiveness is cool but so are justice and learning moments.

Inko Midoriya: sweet as she is, the blindness to the amount of physical and emotional abuse her child was experiencing, the lack of any emotional support for any version of his future… it’s giving neglect.

Also.

The quirk laws??; First of all, I don’t understand. Second of all, I still don’t understand. What about self defense? What about latent abilities? What about the ability to help others in emergency situations? Or people who have quirks that have nothing to do with other people? How can you just say no one can use quirks in the out of doors?? When most of the population has quirks???? That’s like making it illegal to have your eyes showing?

[omghallucinations]

enhypen heeuseung: wow this is a lot of nurturing benevolent energy especially for someone with a relentless work ethic and need to succeed???

psa: i went into this cold! i have seen clips of this boy off tiktok and i listen to enhypen's music a lot but idk him well, so lmk if this resonates from what u see lmao

wow, i am genuinely impressed! i would trust him with a lot more responsibility than your average man. there is a lot of empathy and compassion and sense of responsibility to others here! capture my heart, why don't you????

ok let's get started.

birth time unknown, my nemesis! well, we've got a range for his moon (21° virgo to 5° libra). no clue about rising, angles, etc etc etc. but! we can dispositor tree.

we've got a mutual reception tree, where venus and mercury rule each other.

someone with a mutual reception tree:

diplomatic

sees other people's perspectives

negotiator

two dimensions of the personality, might lean one way or the other

libra mercury has more influence unless his moon is in libra in which case that branch moves over to venus.

either way we can see his primary actors are gonna be : anxious kind of (self) critical art/relationships vs. diplomatic communication. the work ethic (saturn) also is important (saturn is in charge of mars, his willpower, who is very strong in capricorn), so is the moon (emotions, security needs) and jupiter (beliefs, travel, learning). question--does he have... anxiety? either way probably good to have him on a team bc he can smooth over conflict well.

unsurprisingly his libra sun is way down on the list of influence!! a libra sun is in its fall. a planet in its fall is like stranded somewhere where it does not have any currency, does not speak the language, has no idea what is going on. like it's still around but boy is it confused. libra suns + identity issues 4-ever. libra sun is leaky. the moon and rising are gonna be more influential, and in this case virgo vibes regardless of moon--venus in virgo wields influence over his sun.

ok so just ran into a problem that made me almost rage quit this entire post lmao--at around 8:45 pm virgo venus becomes libra venus. ugHHH this would change a shit ton. he seems like a day chart person though right??? i don't really know much about him idk!! i'm gonna move forward under the assumption that he has virgo venus and if it turns out he was born after 8:45 pm i'm gonna be pissed

cardinal squares and oppositions: rest??? but how could i provide for the family/for the good/for society if i rest??

right away there's a t-square-- jupiter opposite mars, mars square sun/mercury, sun/mercury square jupiter. t-squares are like... hey girl you ever repressed an emotion??? but also they are insanely productive. no one is gonna rest with a square.

cardinal oppositions and squares: activity, drive, FIX the PROBLEM right NOW, only god can stop me, allergic to asking for help capricorn mars: i am in control thus everything that goes wrong is my fault because i could have probably prevented it with willpower clearly i didn't eat enough spirulina or do enough planks cancer jupiter: ♫ we are the world  ♫ we are the children ♫ we are the ones who make a brighter day so let's start giving  ♫ mars opposite jupiter: i will INSPIRE the BELIEF into everyone!! there is no such thing as overcommitting!! i can take on infinite tasks!! so can you, believe in yourself!! capricorn opposition cancer: spare the rod spoil the inner child no wait we need to focus on nurturing, let's go work no let's go home, safety is through success no wait safety is through the family,

but never fear, squares are here! an opposition may fight forever, but a square comes to some kind of understanding or at least working relationship

capricorn square libra: ah let me rephrase, in a way that is pleasing to you and me, that actually the greatest goal is diplomacy... i mean we're going to do it my way but i will absolutely compromise because i am civil and refined... so... cancer square libra: wait i have no idea what is going on right now or what i'm feeling lol? um could someone... help me.... i'm totally fine giving up completely actually... idk... i really need family/friends to identify myself... ha ha... mars square sun: i know what i want and i will go after it! i must achieve or who am i??? i can never rest i always have to be Doing. my daddy/mommyfamily issues are not the point and have nothing to do with my need to succeed!! mars square mercury: uh what were we talking about haha? jupiter square sun: i will give u the shirt off my back i will give you my last protein bar i believe in growth and freedom and i am definitely as confident as i act like i am ha ha why would you think i wasn't??? jupiter square mercury: i have a great wide angle view of the world and humanity and stuff, also i overheard someone say something one time and completely misinterpreted the situation!! but it's okay i am focused on the future... the possibilities...

lol this is someone who has a really really rEALLY hard time resting. has he ever been injured?? if so, that must have fucking sucked for him. very Achievement Orientated but not in a selfish way, honestly much more focused on the group rather than the self--with the cardinal squares, he has no aries involved. it's all about the society (capricorn) the family (cancer) and the group/relationships (libra).

ahh it reminds me of someone who works 5x harder than other people and someone's like, omg leave some for the rest of us why are you working so hard it makes us look bad, and he's like "..." because it's not about putting himself above someone else! he's not succeeding at you, ok! he is doing so for you, be grateful, god.

mutable opposition: peter pan syndrom

gemini saturn opposes sagittarius pluto, this is generational but also a fun and cute opposition imo. i mean not pluto-saturn, that fully blows, but gemini-sagittarius!

gemini-sagittiarius: talkative, restless, Eternal Youth, down with the kids, subjective v objective, scattered v whole, fox v hedgehog

yay!!!!

however...

saturn-pluto: :(

saturn = anxiety fear and pluto = deep core terror, so together... mm. can be a fear of power, fear of power being put on him, fear of having power himself--heeseung may kind of dodge any leadership roles because he doesn't really trust himself.

saturn-pluto is usually very suspicious of people in authority anyway. can go back and forth between constructing and deconstructing, rules and no rules, i am a good little capitalist v burn all banks. you know what i mean!!

with this and heeseung's capricorn-libra square, he has a lot of stuff around authority and fairness.

let's talk air trines!

you can see an exact trine between heeseung's libra sun and his aquarius uranus--he's not too fussed about fitting in but he is very fussed about equality and equity and humanity and stuff. he has a talent for fairness. also he's lowkey weird with that uranus-mercury trine. idk if he shows this, but he is absolutely very strange.

with the trine from mercury to saturn, his work ethic is natural to him, and he has an ability to be responsible you don't always see with the amount of air energy lol.

also he's super wise and can leave shit in the past when he needs to. i would trust this guy with a lot of responsibilities actually! he has the ability to put his own ego aside and make the decision that's best for the collective even if it's worse for himself, SUPER rare.

damn... i may have to stan??

also uranus mercury and saturn are all retrograde (and neptune) so he's gonna have to unpack a lot of stuff in his life, he's on an Individuation Journey, lots of karmic untangling, go with god my past life baggage buddy

venus-moon conjunction: 🥺

on the left, 12:00 am. on the right, 11:59 pm. either way, we've got a venus-moon conjunction, it's just how close the conjunction goes.

dude i may really have to stan. this is such an adorable conjunction. is he a mama's boy? he might be.

he is so sensy and also is afraid of hurting other people's feelings. he feels rejected easily (maybe less than some people with this placement, bc of his other aspects) and assumes everyone feels rejected easily too, so he is very careful. people pleaser to the max. very sensitive to criticism, probably wants to fix everything immediately if he feels like he made a mistake even if was barely a mistake. girl same, mood.

it's a really good thing he has that capricorn mars and the cardinal opposition/squares because they keep him from being too delicate or yielding, gives him the willpower to move through hurt and things like that. moon-venus conjunction can be too accommodating but capricorn mars hates accommodating so it's a good balance.

hm he might have some gender things, like traditional beliefs around gender. idk if they are actually true to his personality though--it seems more like expectations he was raised with and in some ways they counter his actual personality, but he holds onto them anyway.

and whoever he gets with... you may have to deal with an overly involved mother-in-law.

venus-moon... square chiron: in conflict with his Wound, like it fuels his sensitivity but also there is maybe a feeling of... all is not how it seems, like he may not totally believe someone when they tell him they love him. bright side he is really really caring. (also his chiron is conjunct his south node... hm something is up with his childhood. his mom might be overcompensating for something she feels guilty about that happened to him when he was a kid? idk.) square lunar nodes: essential for his soul's growth--he's gonna have to deal with his own emotional safety needs and relationships in order to Grow. his south node in capricorn is very "workaholic" and his north node in cancer is very "learn to focus on ur own life and family", so that's clear. also at 0°, his lunar nodes are very potent. opposite pisces lilith: virgo v pisces is very martyr vibes, very rescuer or being rescued, he might have a tendency to want to save people that is actually about him wanting himself to be saved? very service-orientated though but he'll need to look that in the face to see what's underneath that need

fixed stars & asteroids & stuff

heeseung's sun is conjunct the fixed star spica. damn he's got some guardian angels. this is the star of protection and benefit. pure dose of helpful energy. you don't always get what you want but you get what u need.

saturn is conjunct the asteroid vesta, who is all about commitment. leadership vibes. he may shun the leadership role but it's after him anyway. when he says he's gonna do something he does it. trustworthy, needs to Believe in something to commit to it.

damn this is good boy disease. what the hell dude. do we have to be so virtuous??? god!!!

---

well!! i am still pausing my enhypen deep dive until i look at all of their charts so we will see, but what do u guys think his he more this one or that one?

actually this is extra hard edition because libra moons and moon conjunction venus are like. super similar lol. PEOPLE PLEASERS.

anyway. is he more overthinker or compulsive smoother-over? what's the vibe?

thank u for joining me on this journey. i've learned a lot and now my heart hurts but i too am air dominant so i don't wanna talk about it :)

[milgram-tournament]

MILGRAM Best Song Tournament, Round 2, Match 3 MAGIC vs. MEME

Propaganda for both options under the cut!

Propaganda for MAGIC:

MAGIC MY BELOVED MAGIC!!! Its one of the best MVs in the entire series, even including T2. Magic is visually stunning and has some fantastic art direction but also is very clever in how it conveys its themes and ideas. Magic doesn't really hide anything from you, not really. It's all symbolic but it Tells You Things. It shows you the abuse, it shows you the cat. There's a fun little relationship going on here where, In Magic. Amane's pain and suffering isn't taken seriously by the people around her and the Audience we are discouraged to take it at face value due to the fictionalized nature of Magic. It's so cool. I'm so fond of the song as well, it's one of the best in the series purely cause of the Layers in it. The implications of this Inability to be good is seeped into Magic. Amane knows this isn't reality, Magic knows it's a show, she watches it at the end. And it's so Sad to me that even in her fictionalized happy world she Cannot be a good girl. It's a standard completely out of reach for her and that idea is just conveyed so well visually.

Im not even talking about the goddamn cat yet- the cat symbolism goes Deep. That cat is HER it has the same wounds Amane has in Purge March. I- I cant talk about the intertextuality of Purge March and Magic here this is Magic propaganda only- I- there's so much good stuff to Magic. I Re watched it over and over again. It has some the Best Writing and Visual Communication in Milgram and I will Die on this Hill.

---

shoutout to magic for having pretty props AND being vague as fuck about the crime! diversity win!

seriously though amane looks SO cute in it! the mv has such a pretty and colorful style and even with that it's able to show the horrors of what amane went through.

adding onto my last point. that scene where the cat is hyperventilating and you see the camera shaking???? that scene where the mascots find amane helping the cat and they're all standing over her? CHILLS. im repeating myself but the fact that they were able to portray the awful things amane went through in a genuinely emotional way while still keeping the cute cartoon look is soo impressive

there are SO many layers to itill the entire cartoony style making it look like a tv show… utilizing the cartoony effects and bright colors to show amane downplaying her own pain… the transformation after she gets punished barely changing anything to show just how manipulated she was from the start… ueueueue

ALSO ALSO ALSO THE SCENE AT THE END WITH AMANE STARING AT THE SCENE? OHHH ITS SO GOOD it adds such a feeling of dread and reminds you on top of this whole thing that all of this is truly horrifying! something is going on here!

this song is so catchy it gets stuck in my head CONSTANTLY

"Dear wise one, Am I worthy? Is it ok to spoil myself?" AMANE... UEUEUUEUE

the little ding sound effects in the instrumental?????

amanes voice is ADORABLE

THE INSTRUMENTAL IN THAT PART WHERE SHES HELPING THE CAT HAS THAT GODLY TYPE SOUND YOUD TYPICALLY ASSOCIATE WITH CHURCHES AND STUFF AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO EXPLAIN IT PROPERLY BUT JUST RELISTEN TO IT AND YOU WILL KNOW WHAT I MEAN. ITS SUCH A NEAT DETAIL

i could go on about this mv for days but i am not a theorist unfortunately. just. magic sweep

Propaganda for MEME:

"MeMe is fantastic because it plays off the audience’s assumptions about Mikoto as a character and tells a “double story”. There’s layers to it and it’s deliberately deceptive in the way it presents the events out of order. Even the instrumentals themselves tell a story. The shift from piano in the second chorus climax is so good - and the way they combine in the last chorus, plus the addition of a violin culminates the song perfectly."

---

"For propaganda: I love meme so much because even the music alone tells as whole story. It goes from heavy metal to calm to heavy metal to calm and that happens a few times and then there’s an epic and creepy intermission with an amazing guitar and a scary of sound of Mikoto’s heavy breathing. And then the psychedelic music and BAM the final chorus. The final chorus of meme just gives me the absolute chills. Like it’s the calmer chorus we see earlier but with epic symphonic metal and an amazing build up and climax like it’s perfectly encapsulates a story through music alone I just love it so much. Also it’s literally called meme lmao."

---

"I could go on about the motifs in MeMe - like identity loss, living and dying, dreaming etc. It's a song, more than with any other character, about the inner self and what hides from the surface. Of the fear that comes with one's identity and place in the world being challenged and crumbling. The intricate designs on the tarot cards have so much depth to them"

[vampziry]

some things i’ve manifested using the law of assumption —note that i’ve been using it to manifest for years, i was around 8 or 9, so it’s a lot—

1- when i was 8, i remember leaving the church and going home. i really wanted to go to the mall that day because it was almost xmas eve and there’s a lot of activities in my country, i also wanted to see the big xmas tree by the electric stairs. i remember that i affirmed everyday only one affirmation, i didn’t pay attention but lately i realized that ive always been living in the end and didnt realize because my affirmation stated the desire already fulfilled. i affirmed the whole day, i even went to the backyard and looked at the sky as if i was talking with god or something similar. i started affirming around 11 am and by 5 pm my mom was getting ready and i asked her “where are you going?” and she literally told me: i received your school grades, they are all good for me so im taking you to the mall. i lived happily the whole week because i thought that was my first encounter with god or something 😂😂

2- this was in my freshman or sophomore year, i really cant remember the time really well in this one but i do remember that my friend and i had fought and i was really scared because he ignored me everyday and we used to be really close so i reminded my subconscious everyday for like 3 days straight that they were not mad, they were just dealing with stuff or busy (yeah the gaslighting 😘😘) and nah, by day 4 he talked to me again and everything was back to normal like nothing happened.

3- food. yes, the thing i manifest the most is food because i adore eating. i used to live with the assumption: my mom is bringing me chocolate/cheesecake or pizza from work today. EVERY WEEK. and it would happen, i got used to it and stopped assuming random things that had to do with food.

i cant remember any other one, dementia patient right here 🚶🏻‍♀️🚶🏻‍♀️🚶🏻‍♀️

as for my recent ones, ive got a bunch. im a very anxious person and tbh manifesting before was way easier than now. the pressure is killing me but i still managed to manifest stuff from 2021 to this day.

1- a boyfriend. yes, i manifested a boyfriend around april 2021. i didnt go into detail but he had everything i was looking for + he was amazing (at first ofc), he later changed and i had to start attending to therapy sessions cause i got diagnosed and im still traumatized. i forgot to script the loyalty part… so yeah he definitely did cheat and gaslit me. but he made me feel amazing while it lasted. we broke up around 2 months ago and we had 2 years together. i didnt manifest the break up, he did. which is good. the universe sent me signs cause days later after the break up i found out messages and stuff of him cheating the same week of the break up.

2- i manifested for my attachment to go away. note: im the type of person to get attached emotionally to people, i was emotionally depending on my ex, so as soon as we broke up i had a dream where somebody told me to just go out the day after and spoil myself. buy whatever i want and spend some money cause i was working so hard to buy the flight to go and see him. 4 days later when i found out he was with another person i cried in my way to work and i was feeling so well that day that i literally did my hair and makeup but it got smudged :(( but that was the last and first time i cried over him after everything was over. next day i woke up feeling positive and i suddenly let everything go. bad people eventually get what they deserve in life so i just got over it and im not attached to him or the old story anymore!!

3- i manifested new friends plus i contacted my old friends back. most of them were in bad terms with me cause i blocked them out of nowhere because of my ex, everything was so messed up but they forgave me and they are very good friends after all, they text me and hype me up every day so i cannot be more grateful :D

4- i manifested my sp :D after these 2 months i thought to myself: if that person could move on, you can too. so i did, although my sp and me are not fully prepared for a relationship rn, we’re both aware of our mutual attraction and promised to give us time until we were both fully healed 🫶🏻

5- MONEYYYYYY. yeah it sounds like im too ambitious when it comes to money but im soooo silly. i spend everything i get plus i need to pay for my own stuff at school. i dont like bothering my parents with my expenses —even though they are supposed to provide for me but i feel like a problem when i do that so—, i manifested money like 4 times this year??? first, my parents never give me more than 100 for my birthday and all of a sudden they gave me 500$??? i even posted about it my happiness was out of the roof. i went to the cinema w my friends to watch an anime movie that got released on my birthday yayayaya. later, i started working and got like 1,200 in the summertime and now i manifested more money this week TO SAVE. i literally by assuming got into the void and manifested a bag full of money. i wont stfu about it IM AMBITIOUS in a good way with money, i need to move out and start building my future (bro im still 17 😔)

6- clothes and makeup. uMmm im not a fan of makeup tbh buttttt i wanted to have some in case one day i decide to put some on, my skin has always been clear and pretty, my lashes are super long and my eyebrows are really thick so i only worry about doing a perfect lip combo. i got a box and 2 bags full of makeup <3 especially makeup of my favorite brands 😙😙😙 i also was able to buy clothes online very similar to the ones that i had on my pinterest boards ^^ but i kinda forgot to buy shoes.. BFFR 😭😭😭 ive been repeating the same 5 shoes, but im gonna buy some new ones soon!!

7- colognes and jewelry 😘😘😘😘😘 yes, im a fan of these too!! my dad gave me a box full of earrings and rings. but not any kind of earrings, LONG AND BIG EARRINGS W UNUSUAL DESIGNS just how i like them. and some cute rings w rabbit, figures, etc. the colognes smell really well!! i got the nicki minaj perfume in all versions, dior colognes and a box with like 8 different types of victoria’s sprays 🚶🏻‍♀️🚶🏻‍♀️🚶🏻‍♀️

8- a good school year. its only been a month but ive made friends and i find a lot of people WHO SUDDENLY KNOW ME, waving at me in the hallways and im like OH YEAH HI even tho idk who they are?? it feels so goodddddd i feel like an it girl omg 😭😭😭 and also my grades are MAGNIFIC, i got accepted in our honors program and im currently a staff cadet in our military program I DID NOT EVEN KNOW IT WOULD BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO ACQUIRE A HIGH RANK HERE BUT I DID ITTTT I DID ITTTT IM LEADING :D

yeah i cant remember more but thats all i’ve accomplished so far, see u dont need the void to fucking manifest 🥱🥱🥱🥱 gurllll-

[jenni41]

Thoughts on Buddy Daddies:

Like most of the Buddy Daddies Fandom it seems, I am torn between QPR Kazurei and gay life partners Kazurei. But these are my currently running headcanons.

Kazuki seems like a bi who mostly likes the ladies but is comfortable enough with himself to break gender norms and have a queer relationship.

I definitely think Rei is on the autism spectrum, or he could just be traumatized from his abusive and neglectful upbringing. He comes across as aroace but I like to imagine him demi-grey. Or maybe just repressed gay because he was taught to bury his feelings and his dad's a homophobic ass who threatens to kill those Rei loves if they are a hindrance to his goals for Rei.

I definitely think Rei's dad thinks he is gay and he thought this before Kazuki was even in the picture. In his mind, he gave Rei a few years to "get it out of his system" as long as he promised to come back, learn the business, and continue the blood line. (I know first hand, it is not something you can get out of your system - I just think the Boss thinks this).

Rei doesn't deny it either. In fact, his speech about all the things he experienced with his family doubles down on it.

I love that everyone around them thinks they are in a gay relationship, and besides a little discomfort at the first daycare interview, they hardly bat an eye at it. They just accept it.

Rei's declaration of "I want to be a real family" floats in my head rent-free, too. Like, weren't you that before? What are you doing differently this time that you didn't the first time to make it real? Maybe he was holding back his emotions before and now he is going to let himself get more attached?

Miri's quote about Kazuki sneaking out to be with the ladies during the time jump annoyed me. It wasn't necessary other than some execs attempting to sink the ship because God forbid people think they were really gay. Which is so weird cause everyone in and watching the show kinda thinks that anyway? I am willing to bet that 80% of people who choose to watch this anime already have their assumptions. Like who is choosing to watch the whole series and then go, "Woo, thank god. They aren't gay. That was a close one." Like without the line, Shippers can ship their perceived canon and those who are just in it for the buddy comedy or Ace Rei can have their cake and eat it too.

So I can either pretend she didn't say it or imagine that Kazurei are still together and have an intimate relationship of their own, not necessarily sexual, and the relationship is an open one so Kazuki can go get his rocks off but still come home to love on Rei?

Anyways, I loved what I could watch. I hope Crunchy Roll fixes the dub and sub issues so I can watch the whole thing. The No Sweet Without Sweat episode has no dub or subs and then episode 11 has episode 10s subs and dubs and episode 12 is not available so I have been spoiling myself on YouTube.

[delululover]

I just love how the "Only Friends" team gave us so many spoilers but still managed to clown us and keep us in the dark.

I mean from the so many contents we got during the filming time we all had an idea in mind about each couple's dynamic

For instance I myself thought

TopMew are gonna be the sweet boyfriends going on dates, having fun, having healthy conversations when in reality they are barely talking, Top sees Mew mostly as a prize/challenge, Both are fighting for the power dominance in the relationship, they don't have any trust on eo, Mew is determined to do the "right thing" by offering his affection as a reward for quitting addiction which we all know never works. Their relationship in overall is a mess with just a "boyfriends" tag which is kind of blinding both them and the people around them from seeing how not good for eo they are

SandRay are gonna be the friends to lovera type of couples where one is totally sure about his feelings and the other ia clueless but refuses to let go of their "friendship" and acts like a possessive cat whenever someone tries to get with his "friend" (I may even be correct with this prediction)

BostonNick I thought will be the couple we will see the least of, won't have much plot to their relationship except sex and Boston will totally ignore Nick out of bed which (Idc if anyone disagrees) he is not, Boston is totally leading Nick on emotionally and we are seeing fair share of their scenes, infact if anything they are the creators of most of the drama in the series and their mess is probably gonna take the longest to solve. Definitely not a short running pair and has a lot of things going on in their "situationship" or whatever.

So as the episodes are coming out I am eventually realising that what we saw/the source of our assumptions were all based on the first few episodes. They gave nothing away and spoiled next to nothing. I am totally clueless about what is going to happen after episode 5.

And yeah don't say that "well your fault for thinking they will give everything away before the original episodes release" I am not saying that they will or they should. But the amount of "ongoing shoot" content we were getting I was a biiiit confident that I have figured out the show. Ik very arrogant of me but that's the thing the Western film industry is so secretive about their projects that it makes us think that getting some behind the scenes will be able to spoil the fun for us.

Anyways kudos to the team for this amazing marketing. They are literally keeping me on the edge of my seat.

Ps I am quite new in this bl fandom and ofts is the first show I have fully been invested in so that's why is amazes me. Most of you probably find this post stupid and old news. Please ignore if you do thanku.

[8bitsupervillain]

Higurashi When They Cry Hou Ch. 7 Minagoroshi pt. 1

I know I'm probably giving it way more thought than I should but I wonder why the MangaGamer release of Higurashi calls them Higurashi Hou. I seem to recall reading somewhere that Kai means answers (maybe Umineko? I don't remember), so I just wonder why the Steam/GOG releases call them Hou. According to a quick googling Hou means way or method? Then there's Hou - Rei, Hou+, I don't really want to go deep diving into it at the moment because I've still got these two chapters at least to go.

This might sound sarcastic but I genuinely like that this is how this chapter opens. I'm certain it'll go back to the formula of the club doing their usual shenanigans, then eventually the terrors, but I like how this opens with a frank discussion about Rika and the time loop.

I wonder why the universe, or whatever you want to call it decided to use Shion as the murderer twice. I want to theorize that there's some sort of importance for the fact that of the five chapters set in 1983 it used the same killer twice, but I can't really come up with a way to explain it.

I don't know why I never really thought about the fact that Ooishi is near constantly the instigator of the murders and events. It's easy to try and posture that with the explanations being given that I totally and completely called and figured this out. But the truth of the matter is while I did sort of notice that Ooishi seems to start the plot towards its eventual conclusion I never really did anything with that information. I was about to argue that he wasn't really that big of a part of chapter three I remembered that a lot of the stuff involving Teppei and Satoko's abuse never really came to the fore until he showed up to question her about Rina's death in that chapter.

The thing about Takano is I don't really know how much of her own bullshit she buys. I know that in the scrapbooks she goes out of her way to paint the Sonozakis as the central pillar of the conspiracy of the day, but how much of that is genuine belief? I don't have much to base it on but I get the vague impression that her attempts to pin it all on the Sonozaki family/Three Families is all a red herring that she's trying to mislead people into believing for some reason. The why and the what eludes me, assuming of course that's right, and it's not just she's bonkers and just writing whatever. I do get the impression that her entire reason for explaining/mentioning the Onigafuchi Swamp, the curse, all of that is entirely just for her own personal amusement. She's trolling the cast for reasons.

This I find interesting, why doesn't Rika possess any knowledge about what happens during the curse killings of 1980-1982? Is whatever's ruling over the timeline of 1983 able to suppress her memory of it? Or does it tie in to the fact she doesn't remember anything around the time of her own personal killing? I can't explain to you why I'm so much easier going with the aspects of the Hinamizawa mystery here being potentially explained away with magic bullshit than I was with the shown to be blatantly untrue parasite/aliens explanation but I am. Maybe because the mystical aspect has been established a lot longer than the sudden appearance of parasites and aliens? Maybe I myself am slightly spoiled due to having read/played Umineko first so the idea that witches are behind the fantastical crimes doesn't bother me as much. That's not idle speculation on my part, there's a screen relatively soon that mentions the idea of Rika being a witch.

So with this I think it's safe to assume that shortly after the events of Onikakushi Rika did get killed. What entity is constantly killing Rika? I doubt that it's the same person getting Tomitake and Takano. At some point around their deaths in Tsumihoroboshi I started thinking that Takano is probably behind Tomitake's death. I have no real basis for this assumption, I just think it's highly likely she would be one the one to inject him with the drug that makes you kill yourself. It feels more plausible than a group of cultists ambush him, then inject him, and then just let him go. It also makes sense if you assume that Takano's belief about the parasite is based even slightly on reality because this way she could verify the effects of the infection with her own eyes. The fact she dies almost immediately afterwards is kind of irrelevant to this, because I don't think she ever expects to be gotten on the day of Watanagashi.

[fandom-hoarder]

911 8x06

Last week, before I could watch the new 911 ep, some people on my dash spoiled me with untagged spoilers and I literally started crying. Because the way people were talking about it made it sound like there was biphobia from Tommy and a cheating storyline, and that supposition sparked my election depression--- was this an alternate ending based on election results? (a WILD assumption, i kept telling myself; nevertheless, the doomerism persisted); a sign of queer suppression in media in the coming regime? biphobia in general, which is so enraging as a bi person?

And, to be clear, these thoughts and worries are not Hen/Karen erasure. They're literally my favs. But it IS about the way bisexuality is often treated, both in media and irl, as if you have to choose one way to be. As if bisexuality is some sort of schrodinger's sexuality.

It turns out my extreme anxiety over it wasn't completely warranted, at least from my pov as a writer. But it took me a few more days to actually level out and watch it clear headed.

So before the new one airs, here's my copy/paste from my dm a few days ago to @supernaturalkickparty 😅

I gave in and started the 911 ep. I'm CACKLING at the end of the urn Omg. *Abby* I... ok i can see a straight line to breakup from this, but I'll have to see how it plays out Omg the next case is about divorce Josh is really cute in this ep Josh's speech has me verklempt Istg they just better not erase buck's bisexuality Omgodddddd we are NOT sending another little kid down lmfao this is gonna make me cry Goddd 😭😭💜💜 God. This is gonna hurt. God. Whyyyyyyy. God whyyyy does it have to be THIS "Believe me, I didn't see it coming either." GODDDDDDD I'm just so fucking glad it wasn't a breakup over cheating Eddie lmfao I'm so glad the mustache is gone😂😂 Lmfao omfg eddie opens the door to buck and he's in his underwear???? This is the fucking start of a fic. No wonder the buddies are being insufferable God please don't let buck's rebound be a girl. Just please. Please. Don't make it be all girls now :(((((

Anyway, I can see a decent resolution to this, and I'm hopeful it will go as well as I usually think of this show's storytelling---which is to say I think 911 does a pretty good job of weaving meaningful character arcs that tie in a bow by the end.

And even though I am still marginally worried about whether buck's bisexuality will be fulfillingly handled, I don't necessarily think this breakup is bad. Buck's thing is breakups as character growth; and while I did think that we were moving past that in his coming of age arc growing into maturity, and as much as I love bucktommy, I didn't really expect Tommy to be his last or for a breakup to be completely off the table. I expected one eventually, and not for buddie reasons.

I don't even really ship buddie in canon, or see an inevitable queer storyline for eddie (though i do love buddietommy, but y'all already know i always think there should be an ot3); I just figured there would be typical buck drama, and hey... I settled down and figured this is that.

And also... like, yes it's frustrating that Tommy broke it off because of the whole "i'm the only guy you've ever been with," but like...that expectation that Buck will end up breaking his heart isn't really bad writing. I wish there'd been more LEADUP to it (I still hope we'll get some actual tommy pov on this to sympathize with him and see where that came from, as they have tended to do in the past with character backstory), but the fear that as someone's first you won't be ENOUGH eventually is very real.

I was my partner's first, but he wasn't mine, so even when we got engaged I was like, "are you really ok with this?" And he said yes of course and i took him at his word, but it didn't immediately erase the feeling that I was taking experiences away from him lol. So I can really see where Tommy is coming from, despite my sorrow and anxiety about the remaining unknowns. But I do hope there's more to this.

[justanothersailorscout]

I think people who got involved into the new star wars didn't really understand the jedi well... they are not all carbon copies of each other and just as the Sith they think they are doing something good or what's best for them.

Both sides have flaws and this isn't portrayed well in this series. Some Jedi are deep into the dogma and following the rules, without thinking for themselves, and that puts them at detriment but Sith isn't better. Letting yourself controlled by your emotions, holding onto the past, onto anger, loss or any powerful emotions that overtake you is just the other extreme of being too dogmatic.

I say this as someone who's actually interested in spiritual and occult topics so I can make parallels between fiction and real life.

So what we're not going to do is gatekeep Star Wars or imply that someone is less of a fan or doesn't understand because they got into the franchise later than you did.

I am in my early 30s and have been around the block a few times with fandom and I do not at all fuck with that.

Now, the Jedi are and have always been representative of a certain institution with too much power and too little oversight.

Of COURSE there are good ones. But I believe the phrase is "a bad apple spoils the bunch"

After last night's episode, we see, again, that even "good" Jedi will cover up kidnapping and mass murder to protect themselves and their institution. The assumption of trust from the Jedi Council is an institutional flaw. The Order considers themselves above the law.

They acted purely because they thought they were "saving" the twins, when in reality, Sol did not understand their culture and assumed the worst (representative of colonization)

Someone with good intentions can still become a harmful tool of an institution.

Two things can be true at once. Someone can have the BEST of intentions, and then still cause harm.

THAT is the lesson here, and it's absolutely on point with what George Lucas was trying to say

As for the Sith, I would argue it's healthier to work with your emotions instead of against them, but ultimately I like them because it's fun. Star Wars is supposed to be fun! It's okay to joke around about it.

[docholligay]

Episode 2.4: Lottie

Hello! This is about up to Episode 4 of season 2 of Yellowjackets, and ONLY episode 4 of season 2 of Yellowjackets. I have not seen beyond the ninth episode, at all, and know NOTHING about this show. Please do not spoil it for me.  Things that are spoilery in nature, for me, include: saying things like  “Just wait!!” confirming or denying anything I put forward, outside information about the cast interviews or creator statements, leading questions like “Do you think “blank moment” means anything?” etc. Remember  that Y’ALL HAVE SEEN THE SHOW AND I HAVE NOT. This informs the way you  talk about things relating to the show. Just be really careful is all  I’m asking. Also: If there is LITERALLY any stance I  could take on this show or character that would make you upset, please  just fucking block the tag

 It all makes sense how everyone thinks that it is the forest calling on Lottie specifically, but if it is calling on Lottie specifically, my question is: How have none of the girls decided that the plane fell out of the sky because it was calling Lottie to it? I mean, it was even her father who chartered the private plane. No one has thought to blame her for being the chosen? Maybe this is coming down the pipe, but it surprises me that none of the faithful have been yet disillusioned, but not in the way of disbelief. 

The situation with the therapist--there’s something about it that feels off to me and I cannot put my finger on it. “Uh, Doc, could it be that a therapist should not realy be ncrouaging someone in their hallucinatory delusions?” I mean, yeah, one would assume they learn that one in medical school, but I’ve never been so I can’t say. But beyond that, there’s something about it I don’t like. Something about it that feels unsettled. 

And it’s also not just that it felt like they were setting Lottie up to be the big bad, and they seem to have sort of retreated on that score. About which I have mixed emotions--I certainly do love “everyone is the villain” more than a big bad, but i am not quite ready to get on the “poor little lottie” train. I feel like there’s so many steps from her being the prophet of the Rockies to now running a quasi-cult if not full on cult, and many of those steps involve money, and what exactly am I supposed to assume happened there? But that’s not it either! I know what that feels like, i had that feeling multiple times in this episode. So what is it? Something that just feels strange about the moment. 

Anyway, I can feel bad for some of the shit Lottie is going through, but Lottie is still a cult leader, and actively leading cult, and we have the interaction with the therapist to prove that she did all that while in her “right” mind. She is running a con on herself, convincing herself that she’s helping people. It’s this whole relitigation of what happened in the forest, that if she has a good group and she does it all right, she can make it better, but it’s all still the Lottie show, the Lottie mystic, steering people with talk of centering and blessings. 

Also, and, I just don’t have a better place to say this, pretty fuckin rich of Lottie to be encouraging Lisa to get off her medication, acknowledge, confront, whatever--a way of handling things I’m not even necessarily OPPOSED TO, in some circumstances--when she herself is going to the doctor for a bump in her meds. Meds for me and not for thee, I guess. Fuckin Lottie. 

There is something I truly love about this episode with regards to Lottie,even though it comes fairly directly paired with the not being the big bad. And that, the whole thing with her in the forest is showing that whatever is in the woods, she does not control it. She can bleed*, she can pray, but none of that matters. She is its tool, and it will use her as it wishes. She has no say in the matter, an if she were ever under the illusion that she did, she better correct that assumption right quick. The card, which must signify that someone has to die, maybe Lottie, and still she is bleeding for it, because she can call for a death with someone else’s words leaving her lips. In this way, Lottie can be an instrument of both salvation and capricioiuos cruelty, while also staying as a creature who is having cruelty enacted upon her by the same force. It’s a interesting balance to strike, and I’ll be excited to see if they do, because if they DO, it could be amazing. 

Anyway, let’s talk about Lottie’s trip to the mall! Is Laura Lee some sort of latter-day Beatrice, guiding Lottie out of the the underworld? Of course she sees laura Lee because Laura Lee is the only spiritual certainty she has ever had. 

 This scene is so frustrating to me because it’s one I’ll want to come back to after I’ve seen the rest of the show. it’s clearly imbued with meaning: We have the mall, a perfect hangout, a place of plenty, a cornucopia for the teenage set. But also! Let’s talk about how the girls are dressed and coiffed! Not like we ever saw them in life. So much more polished, so much more adult. Their hairstyles are impeccable not only in the sense of “not dirty in the wilderness” but in the sense of seeming like something far more grown up. Maybe even far more RICH, that Lottie in her mind is making them so much more like the girl she remembers herself to be. 

The theme song is going on in the background, suggesting that Lottie is actually hearing it. This is a moment both inside of and outside of the story. 

Why isn’t jackie at her hallucination mall trip? Has she separated herself so much from jackie that Jackie no longer even figures into her thoughts of normalcy?In order to eat jackie, did she have to forget jackie was a person?

I don’t have answers for any of this, but I love this scene because I think there ARE answers, it’s just that I don’t have all the information right now to access them. I can’t wait to come back to that scene, I think it’ll be really interesting to pick apart once I know everything. 

Related yet slightly not: So I wonder if I think the tunnels are real. It’s not the first time we’ve seen them, or signs of them I guess, and if they ARE real, that opens up a small handful of possibilities as to what could be around here. The melting, how survival has been possible for Javi (boo), etc. Makes me wonder. Ideas forming. 

*Why always the palm, in movies and tv? It’s just a silly place to cut, given the chances of seriously injuring something that you will need, and given that there are much easier places to make yourself bleed. Even the tip of the finger! Fingers bleed like crazy! And the tip of the finger is nearly no chance of damaging something that you’re gonna want later.

[phxntomhives]

Nice parallels between Negai no Astro and Tokyo Aliens

I mean, I have 1 person that has caused me to write this, say hi to @chifuyusun but these things ARE nice and maybe someone will start the other manga in the parallels so pls look at my ramblings.

Yes it's just the first chapter for Negai no Astro but I feel some of these are fair assumptions.

There is technically 1 spoiler for Tokyo Aliens but I'm confident it comes out quickly in the main story so I don't think it's a major thing to spoil.

Also I haven't looked at the spoilers for Negai no Astro so I could be very wrong but I would like to not know it from spoilers thanks

Yes I am aware these things are not exclusive of these two series, but it's still nice to see them.

Founded family (and golden retriever MC)

Negai no Astro: they are litteraly a bunch of children that the old man liked and he adopted them all. Hibaru cares deeply for them, he doesn't seem to consider the family being such only on paper, but he wants to protect them and be good for them (such a precious boy)

Tokyo aliens: well, here it is definitely not as in NnA ops. But Akira is desperate to feel the warmth of a family getting closer to the other characters which do seem to look out for him and care for him. No I don't mean Amamiya, he is excluded. But the others are going "well, must adopt him now". And don't get me started on poor Sho which is in a DESPERATE need for a hug and finally with Akira he finding his own peace and opening up more.

Hands for protection

I just find it fun that both our MC don't have a magical weapon or something similar for their battles (for now at least). Hibaru got his magical/super powered hands and immediately used them to protect his brother and help him. When Akira had to chose his battle weapon, he decided to go for gloves (see Father I miss you section).

Idk but there is something so... soft? Precious? In specifically power-upping (?) their hand to protect people? Usually you see people do it for violence, punching and breaking, but them?? They are using them for the others. Hibaru is more focused on attack for now, while Akira on defence but there is something beautiful in seeing them with their hands up ready to protect people.

Spear and Shield - covering for each other

I am a sucker for one thing that is separated in two and those two make the complete again together. They complete each other, backing up the other's weakness. SO OF COURSE I AM EATING GOOD WITH NEGAI NO ASTRE. Spear and shield??? Probably fighting together in the future having to rely on someone else? Sign me up. I need this aspect to be central and not forgotten pls Wakui I always believed in you.

And for Tokyo Aliens you may ask? You are adding to that beautiful trope also the emotional compensation between Akira and Sho. They cover for each other (probably will happen more in the future, poor Akira is still struggling) and well balance each other weak points. Sho is the spear and Akira is the shield (that quite litteraly saved lives, and it was very pretty). I can write an essay but it would have too many spoilers so I will stop now.

Father I miss you (and Mother is MIA I guess)

As the rules established: you can't have both parents. And ofc, why should you be able to keep the father with you??? Ofc they have to die. I am not confident for Tokyo Aliens but that is just me.

I would like to congratulate to the spirit of the fathers because they raised precious boys that love people. But I found interesting how in both cases, the one that gave Hibaru and Akira the strenght to make the correct decision was the memory of their fathers. They both wish to live up to them and make them proud.

In both cases you also have their power coming from an object related to the father (the keychain for Hibaru and the gloves for Akira) They are bringing their fathers to fight with them in a sense. Getting their strenght and their courage. They are precious boys and I am sobbing.

Anyway, I'm sure they are proud my boys. They could not be more proud of you.

Aliens??

I mean, in Tokyo Aliens there are aliens. Shocking, I know. A very interesting and refreshing take if I can add, since most of them are pretty chill. Negai no Astro has nothing confirmed yet, that I know, but I mean the magic thing that gave power has come from space, so I think we are more or less on the same line. Maybe it's a different planet or something. Idk. It doesn't seem to come from humans, that seem to be a correct take.

There are probably more but I think I made my points. If you like one serie I highly suggest you to give a try to the other!

[moonpool-system]

i want to vent a little. If it's ok. Im a person with tulpa. Who was in tulpamancy-community for almost ten years, passively looking and reading many blogs. And it's bizzare for me how people see headmates/alters in DID/OSDD same as their source??? Like...

I just were in a community and did read, spoke with so many people with tulpas who are always so different from source! There was hosts with same character as a tulpa, and oh gosh how they were different and how much they did change (esp when you read blog pists like. Ten years old)! The only similarity always was name and looks (tho even these both changed for many).

And it's just so bizzare for me how many systems experience weird attention to certain fictives, because... Some people really do think they're same and related to source that much?..

Idk. In russian speaking community i don't really see trend of people expecting tulpas to be like sources, the opposite is the norm. Tulpas! The "i want to spoil and hug this character so i will create them from scratch".

Even there it's wide known fact that they're aren't their source. Heck, they sometimes even change identity to be completely sepatate from source, and even don't want to use tulpa labels. (the "i was there long before you forced and knew about tulpamancy" happens often.) And how wide-spread this experience is among OSDD and DID systems makes me kinda... Uh, feel weird? Like, im a crazy? Im i treating them as source and don't notice? Is there people who can't comprehend it, so many, and i never saw them? Uh... It's so confusing. Thank you for reading.

Hey, so this is Akira, Persona 5. I'm a source LOVING fictive, for me whenever people ask me about source things it's ridiculously affirming to my identity and who I am. I'm a traumagenic alter in a (P-)DID system, but I'm also a representation of our spiritual past life, so I'm also alterhuman in that way. I'm here to say, basically, every fictive is different. The tulpamancy community is very specifically focused on giving your tulpa agency and making sure they're not conforming to your expectations of them, and since they're being created over time with a base instead of appearing here (almost) all at once in one way or another, it only makes sense you'll find source separated tulpas all over the place. Our tulpa Badeline is the same, she's still herself but she's very different from source now. But if you look into the soulbonding community, you'll find it to be much more focused on fictives' sources and oftentimes how to handle living as a soulbond and grapple with your memories.

I've only been using spiritual sources as an example, but regardless of your origin, how connected you feel to your sourceself or source memories you are is your choice. I mean, otherkin and other alterhumans aren't hurting anyone by being connected to their source, so why should there be an assumption that it hurts us? It depends on the fictive. Our three golden rules are this: treat them like a person, don't ask questions that'd be invasive if it happened to the body, and go by their individual judgement for what's ok.