#then again she'd already told me I tend to apologise too much

[ayakashibackstreet]

By the way, I just realised my Japanese teacher didn't assign me any homework for the weekend again?

[starlessskies94]

Consequence (Joel Miller x OC)

Summary: What if Joel survived his injuries from the Abby and Fireflies attack but ends up with really bad amnesia. He can’t remember his wife, Ellie, or the Outbreak; only before. How will his family bring back the man they once knew?

Pairing: Joel Miller x OC

Notes: I wanted to apologise for a stupid mistake I made in the last chapter, I mentioned that Ada fixed Joel's injury with no medical knowledge; only to remember weeks later that she's a vet as part of her character skills and I completely overlooked it while writing the last chapter so I'm sorry for that. And sorry to my lovely Adaline; because it makes total sense that she would be able to tend to his wound rather easily so I hope that doesn't spoil that last flashback too much my bad hehe

Also I apologise that it's been a while since my last chapter, I'm not going to lie this one has been a bitch to write and I'm still not 100% happy with it so I just sincerely hope it doesn't disappoint.

Chapter Twelve

Ada didn't remember falling asleep. But she certainly felt it when she woke up. Her joints cracking and popping from the curled up position she was laid in all night. Everything ached from her shoulders, to her back and her toes.

The last of her dreams faded as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes. A quick glance at the clock telling her that she had slept through the better part of a day and half and although she had slept; she didn't feel rested in the slightest. The memories came flooding back, bringing with it that weight that pushed against her chest so tightly until she could barely breathe. Everything that had happened the day before felt like a bad nightmare, where her fears and worries had all come true. Joel hated her. Had more or less disowned her and Ellie. And it was her fault. The sadness and the tears were gone leaving her numb. All she had left was anger.

Yes she had made the wrong call leaving Joel as she had but it was Tommy who had thrown her under the bus. Not giving her the time she had needed to explain. It had all happened so quickly it had made her head spin. It wasn't fair.

There was no logic or reason in leaving her home and storming through the town to find her brother in law. There was no reason to slug the poor man in the face with a swift right hook either but that still didn't stop Ada from doing it away when she saw him.

The world only came back into focus when Maria had restrained her; her vision finally clearing to see Tommy holding his bloody nose.

"What the hell do you think you're doing Ada?!" Maria cried in shocked anger. "What has gotten into you?!"

"Let me go, Maria!"

"Not until you tell me what's going on!" The blonde demanded, holding Ada's arms behind her back: her grip getting tighter the more she struggled. Tommy stumbled forward still holding his nose, spitting a mouthful of blood by his feet before looking up at his wife.

"Maria it's okay...let her go." He asked woefully. Maria just scoffed in disbelief at his request, as if it was the most crazy thing in the world. She attempted to argue but the younger Miller just waved a dismissive hand at her words; his other pinching the bridge of his nose in a bid to stop the bleeding, that was now staining it's way down the front of his shirt. The townspeople were beginning to gather, a rumble of murmurs breaking out amongst the crowd at the sight of their leader being injured by one of their own.

That still didn't stop Ada from taking another swing at Tommy. Only this one didn't make contact as Maria stopped her, twisting her arm and pinning it to her back again.

"That is enough!" She roared, staring down both her husband and her sister in law. "Now you two had better tell what in the hell is going on!"

Tommy winced against the pain shooting through his nose and jaw; turning to look at the crowd staring with wide eyes. His own falling to the floor, not quite able to look at both women in front of him.

"Maybe we'd better go inside to talk." He suggested quietly; making his way back towards his home with Ada and Maria following behind. The brunette struggled her way out of Maria's grip and reluctantly she gave in and let go; turning on her heel and barking orders at the crowd to disperse and get back to whatever it was they were doing before. They did eventually albeit hesitantly. Ada glanced over her shoulder and watched them go as she made her way towards Tommy's; her brain quickly catching up with her actions. God... what they must think of her now. She was just grateful Ellie hadn't seen it; just as grateful as she was that the teen had chosen to stay with Dina the day before. Heaven only knew what she would've thought had she heard Joel's cold words when he'd left. She tried not to think about it as she looked down at her shaking hands; her right now turning red and swelling slightly. The shame engulfed her almost as rapidly as the anger had. And now she had to face the consequences of that anger.

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"...And after that he just left? You didn't even try to stop him?" Maria asked sadly as she poured Ada another whisky into her glass. She didn't waste any time downing the brown liquid as quickly as she did her first; coughing slightly as it burned her throat.

"What would've been the point? I tried to explain things and he made it perfectly clear that he wasn't in the mood to listen."

The nausea had come back; whether it was caused by the whiskey on an empty stomach or the stress of retelling what had happened between her and Joel yesterday, Ada wasn't sure. Though she guessed it was probably the former, if her headache was anything to go by. She slumped further into her chair as a deep sigh left her lungs; everything was such a mess and she was tired of feeling so hopeless. She turned the empty glass along her hand that grasped it, her eyes red and raw from the tears and the worst night of sleep she'd had in weeks. "Maybe Joel is right." She wondered aloud. "Maybe this is all my fault and I deserve this. I'd hate me too."

Maria shook her head defiantly at Ada's words, reaching over to take the glass from her and placing it back onto the coffee table between them. "Joel doesn't hate you. And as far as blame goes...I'd say we're all at fault for how we handled this. Some of us more than others." She stated bitterly, her blue cold eyes glaring at her husband sitting across from her on the living room couch. A small rag of wrapped ice held to his face. The man rolled his eyes and scoffed, pulling the ice pack from his nose and resting it by his knee as he leaned forward.

"I already told you that I was sorry. I don't know what else you want me to say."

"And I told you to keep that damn ice on your nose to take down the swelling." She berated without taking a breath. "You had no right to go behind Ada's back like that! And Joel didn't deserve to find out the way he did either!"

She was right. Tommy knew she was right. Always was. He owed his brother a hell of a lot more than yelling the truth at him like he had. But he had just been so angry. So frustrated; it had come out before he could stop it and then it had been too late to take it back. He honestly hadn't expected Joel to react the way he did. So cold and harsh with the way he'd shouted at Ada...Tommy knew how much his brother loved her. And yet he'd all but ambushed the poor woman to get answers. He uttered another apology and sat back with the ice cooling his throbbing nose that was now beginning to bruise. He didn't blame Ada for hitting him either; he'd definitely deserved it. There were a lot of things all of them wished they could've done differently. Hindsight was a nice thing in theory but now it was proving to be painfully useless once the damage was already done.

His sister in law rose from her seat and as he watched her pace about the room, the more his guilt niggled at him. She ran her hands through her greying roots and down through the fading brunette locks that cascaded down her back, they were still shaking as she moved to rest them on her neck while she continued pacing.

"Ada..." He tried cautiously." Ada..."

"You shouldn't blame Tommy for this Maria, this is my fault." She interjected and paused looking down at the blonde who could only give the woman a look of pity in return. "I mean it, Joel was right with everything he said. I'm a fucking coward!" The couple shared a look as Ada laughed bitterly at her words. "I was too afraid to deal with what happened so I left. Because I was terrified that if I had stayed...If I had tried to help him remember, forcing him to live with a damn stranger; he'd eventually decide that life was better without me. It's stupid and it's selfish..." her voice quivered as she held back tears, her arms falling from her neck to hold herself. "...but there it is."

Maria was quick to reassure her; rushing to her feet and pulling her into a hug. Ada pulled back as she was offered an old handkerchief from the other woman's pocket. Her sniffles subsiding as she was encouraged to sit down again.

"Ada, Joel loves you. He might not remember that but it doesn't just go away. You still have a chance to fix things."

Ada scoffed out a wet sob and shook her head. "No...it's over Maria. As far as he's concerned; I'm just the coldhearted bitch that abandoned him."

"Wait...Joel actually said that?" Tommy asked aghast, his eyes wide. The woman just shrugged dismissively. "He didn't have too...Though it's nothing less than I deserve.

Tommy wished she would stop being so hard on herself. He understood her guilt more than most and he hadn't even agreed with the plan in the first place. It just hadn't sat right with him to lie to Joel about his family. But then he'd spoken to his brother and realized just how much of his memory had been lost. And it seemed that he was losing himself in it. Joel was becoming angry and bitter at the world for taking something from him, for harming him in a way he hadn't been able to control. It was eerily similar to the darkness he'd descended into when he'd lost Sarah. When he'd lost all hope for happiness and decency. There was no mercy or love. It was just a means to an end in order to survive. That wall that Joel had built around himself to keep the world out. To keep emotions just out of reach. And Tommy feared his brother falling into it again. Ellie and Ada had pulled him out of it once, he had hoped they would've been able to do it again. Now he was starting to worry he'd been wrong.

He pulled back the rag and thankfully it seemed as though his nose had stopped bleeding. He discarded the spoiled cloth on the coffee table; taking in the silence that had fallen in the room. Both his wife and sister in law sat quietly with the same tired looks and stern frowns upon their faces. No one had the answers anymore, no matter how much they pretended they did.

"Ada..." his voice was quiet but it caught her attention as she glanced up at him. "I'm sorry."

She nodded meekly and smiled. "Me too. I'm sorry I punched you in the face." He laughed; waving his hand coolly as he shrugged. "Nah, don't worry about it. I mean I'm pretty sure you broke my nose but ya know...we're good sis." Ada laughed as Maria jokingly rolled her eyes at her husband's dramatics. It was badly bruised at best, both they and Tommy knew that. But Ada appreciated him trying to lighten the mood. It was the first time in a long time that she'd truly laughed since Joel's attack. And it was nice to feel something other than grief for even a second.

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Ellie tried to keep up with the rushing of her mind the quicker her pace picked up. She'd already been home to find the place empty, the only other place she could think to check would be Tommy and Maria's to find her mother. Her sneakers skidded slightly against the porch wood when she stopped to tap on the door. Her surrogate aunt greeting her with a warm smile as she opened the front door.

"Is my mom here?" The teen asked softly. Maria simply nodded, letting the young girl inside and following her into the living room. She walked in to find her mom and Tommy sat together chuckling lowly at their shared stories and fond memories. A half emptied bottle of whiskey sitting between them, with three half drunk glasses on the table. Ellie figured the three of them must've been here most of the day. Her mom shifted when she noticed her daughter, scooting along the couch to make room for her. Ellie made her way around the coffee table towards them, wincing when she saw the state of Tommy's face. "Jeez what the fuck happened to you?" She asked in concern. But Tommy just snorted a laugh. "It's a long story, don't worry about it."

The girl scoffed, a sarcastic smile spreading across her face as sat down.

"Is everything okay?"

She couldn't stop herself from fidgeting at her mother's question, instantly going back to her nervous habit. Her fingernail beds were already sore from the hours she'd spent picking at them. "I uh...I can't find Joel. I wanted to talk to him. I stopped by the house but he wasn't there." Stunned silence filled the room at Ellie's admission, Tommy's face full of confusion when he glanced at her beside him.

"Why'd you want to talk to him?" He asked. She took a moment before answering, looking to her mom with sadness in her eyes.

"I heard what happened between you two yesterday. I know what he said about us."

"Oh sweetheart, come here." She didn't say anything as Ada pulled her into her arms, instead just snuggled further into her warmth. Her head leaning against her shoulder. Hands once buried inside her jacket sleeves.

"I just thought maybe I could try talking to him...maybe if I tell him everything he'd understand or he'd forgive us for leaving." She explained." This is my fucking fault! This happened to him because of me; because of what he did to protect me...I need him to know I'm sorry...that I'm trying to fix things. That I'm trying to make it better and when we find them we can--"

"Wait, hold on, find who?"

Oh shit now Ellie had done it. She pulled back from her mother's arms, a look of guilt pulled at her brows as she chewed nervously at her lip. She tried to avoid eye contact but was only greeted with more accusing stares from Maria and Tommy.

"Ellie.." Maria uttered disapprovingly. But she didn't answer once again, attempting to avoid the eyes staring at her.

"Ellie what aren't you telling us?"

"Promise you won't get mad?" It was a big ask. Ellie knew that when she finally took the chance to look her mother in the eye, hoping that she'd soften even just a little bit. But all she saw was worry and that only made her feel worse for lying to her.

"Ellie." She warned sternly and the girl knew she had to come clean. She took a deep breath, her head falling in defeat as she finally gave in.

"Okay...I lied before. I wasn't staying at Dina's the last couple of days...we've been staying at one of the outposts outside of town tracking the fireflies...or what was left of them from Abbey's group."

"I'm sorry you've been doing what?!" "Are you insane?!" She flinched at both her mother and Maria's outbursts that echoed together in the heavy silence of the room. She shared a look with Tommy as he flashed her a small smile of gratitude but it flickered away as quickly as it came when both women rose to their feet in a rush of anger and frustrated annoyance.

"Ellie, we've talked about this and we agreed to leave it alone."

"No you fucking decided!" The teen challenged as she snapped to her feet, her face snarling into a roaring temper that could easily rival her mother's. "Those fuckers could come back! They already found us once, what's stopping them coming back to finish what they started?!"

Ada scoffed at Ellie's argument throwing her hands up, exasperated they were having this argument yet again! She understood her daughter's worries but she was certain the Fireflies had no reason to come back. They thought Joel was dead and she was determined to keep it that way. They'd had this same conversation again and again and yet every time Ellie would always push back.

"She's right."

The girls all fell silent to the single voice that spoke up, as all eyes turned to Tommy. Maria seething at her husband and Ada downright irritated that he'd shamelessly encourage this reckless behaviour. Ellie just appreciated having Tommy on her side at least.

"Tommy..." Maria warned, her eyes pleading him to stop.

"Well she is! Do you really wanna live the rest of our lives looking over our shoulders?! Just hoping to God that those bastards don't come back. Yeah they think Joel is dead but for how long? They already managed to get word he was living in Jackson in the first damn place...what do you think they'll do when they realise that he's not quite as dead as they thought?" He paused, stopping to look at Ada as she held back her tears, her bottom lip quivering and he was quick to her side. His hand resting on her shoulder.

"Look I'm sorry... I know this is not what you want to hear right now but Ellie has a point. We can end this. If it were any of us, Joel would be halfway there already."

She shook her head, her breath catching in her throat. "No he wouldn't." She argued.

"He absolutely fucking would!" Ellie shouted. Her words stopped them all dead. Knowing looks exchanged between the adults before walking to huddle by the table. They knew Ellie was right. If any one of them in that room had been attacked; Joel would be doing everything he could to get them the justice they deserved. He'd never lay down and let them get away with it. Ada let out a sigh of defeat as she looked back to Ellie, gesturing for her to sit back down. She did, though moved hesitant at first. Ada sat silent, her mind clearing and calculating for a second as she sat with her hands rested against her mouth before she eventually lowered them to speak. "So...you were tracking those bastards...did you find any?" She asked apprehensively. Ellie swallowed hard and cleared her throat, sitting up in her seat before nodding.

"Yeah...Dina and I watched the area for hours. Most of the group left but a couple stayed behind at the hunting lodge. Two of them...I don't know their names. They were packing up their stuff. We followed them out when they went hunting for food. Managed to lure some infected on the way back..." Ellie didn't realise she was shaking as she spoke until her mother took her hand and squeezed it gently. "We stood and watched as the clickers tore those fuckers apart.."

"Good riddance." Tommy stated bitterly.

"I came back to tell you what happened but then I heard the neighbours gossiping about what happened between you and Joel, all that stuff he said. I thought I could fix it. But when I went to the house he wasn't there. So I sent Dina to ask around town if anyone had seen him and I came here." Adaline nodded slowly, taking everything in. She looked at Tommy and Maria both sharing the same lost look on their faces. They all knew what they needed to do next. It was just a case of whether they had any strength left to do it.

Though Ada never got the chance to answer; instead their heads turned to the direction of stomping footsteps and the door bursting opening to a breathless Dina, panting as she almost slipped on the doormat under her boots. Ellie flew to her feet and darted to her girlfriend, asking her what was wrong.

"It's Joel!" She gasped. "He's gone..."

[holdingforgeneralhugs]

Bitter Pill to Swallow

Chapter 3 (Ch.2, Ch.1)

Thank you again to the lovely @tvserie-s-world for letting me use her screencaps💕

"Curahee!"

Valarie grinned as she cheered along with her fellow paratroopers. Liebgott managed to slosh some of his drink onto her boots but she couldn't bring herself to get mad about it. After the thrill of completing the five qualifying jumps and managing not to vomit during any of them, Valerie and the rest of Easy felt like they were on top of the world.

She spotted Gene getting a drink at the bar and wandered over to him. He jumped when she clapped him on the shoulder, whacking her in the arm good naturedly for frightening him. Valerie grinned before turning to George who had just popped up with a drink for Gene.

"Hey Georgie, you got another one of those beers under there for me?" She asked.

"That depends," George responded cheekily, "you gonna tell me the magic word of the night?"

"The magic word of the night," Valerie teased, "is kiss my ass and gimme a beer Luz."

George smirked and reached under the counter, pulling out a full glass and planting it firmly on the counter in front of her. He got a mischievous twinkle in his eye then and reached under to grab a glass for himself.

"Now in response to your cheek," stated Luz, in a scarily accurate impersonation of Sink, "I'll have to challenge you to a contest. Whoever downs their drink the quickest gets a full pack of lucky strikes."

"Well how could I back down from a challenge like that," smirked Valerie. "You wanna get in on the fun Gene?" She asked, laughing when Gene vehemently shook his head.

"Oh no, I'm quite happy to drink my beer and watch you two act the fool," he retorted, sipping his drink and leaning against the counter. George and Valerie shared a look, and with a nod they raced to down their drinks. Clearly they'd drawn a crowd, because she could hear the guys shouting out a countdown around her. With a gasp she slammed her glass on the counter, and cried out in dismay when she realised George had just beat her.

"C'mon Val, hand em over," he teased, holding out his hand and fluttering his fingers. She grumbled something about him obviously cheating before pressing her precious box of lucky strikes into his palm. He opened them gleefully and plucked one out for himself before holding out the box to her.

"Aw c'mon Val, you didn't think I'd take em and not offer you one as a peace offering did ya?"

She rolled her eyes but took one gratefully, nodding her thanks to him when he lit it for her. He placed another drink on the counter for her and she took a sip, content to enjoy this glass.

Toye and the mortar gang had decided to stick around at the bar, and she laughed with them as they challenged each other to drinking games. She almost choked on her drink when Skip spilled beer all down his shirt in his eagerness to beat Penk, who was surprisingly good at downing drinks.

"Hate to interrupt your fun fellas, but I was wondering if I could have a word with Lieutenant Landry."

She went stiff in her seat, cigarette in hand suspended right in front of her lips. She glanced to her right and met Gene's eyes, and he was giving her a very pointed look. She glared back at him before turning around and facing her fellow Lieutenant. He gestured towards a quieter corner and she nodded, following him without a word. She smoked her cigarette harshly, wondering what he could possibly want with her tonight of all nights.

"So," he started cautiously, "The batallion officers are drinking in another room to let the enlisted men enjoy themselves here. Nix, Welsh and I were wondering if you'd like to join us?"

She stared back at him sceptically. Outside of the necessary consultations on exercises they hadn't spoken since their argument, and she wasn't quite sure what to say now that he was.

He could sense her hesitation and sighed softly. "Look Landry, I know we haven't exactly gotten off on the right foot but we're celebrating tonight, so how about we put all that aside and enjoy a well deserved night off?"

She contemplated that for a moment, but she agreed that a night off was well deserved, and the men would probably have more fun without any officers breathing down their necks.

"Alright then," she sighed, "lead the way."

He seemed almost surprised that she'd agreed so easily, but he recovered quickly and led her out of the room and down the hall to a smaller room.

"Hell Landry, what a delightful surprise," grinned Lewis when he spotted her walking in behind his friend. He was standing behind the bar and pouring a very generous helping of VAT 69 for himself.

"Don't get used to it Nixon," she shot back.

"Oh don't worry," he replied nonchalantly as she took a seat at the bar, "we're all very aware that you prefer the enlisted men to us 'stuffy' officers."

Ah, so he'd overheard her talking to Bill that day he'd asked her why she was hardly ever with the other officers. "Yeah well, ain't my fault you all wouldn't know fun if it slapped ya," she retorted. Lewis and Harry exchanged a glanced and then burst out laughing.

"You know what Landry," Lewis chuckled, "you're not half bad. What's your poison then? Or are you on the soda water with Dick here?"

"Why am I not surprised Saint Winters doesn't drink?" She snarked, rolling her eyes, "I'll have some of that VAT 69 if you please."

He looked sideways to Dick at her comment, and if he didn't know him so well he would have missed the slight tick in his jaw. Lewis decided to note that down to ask him about it later.  He poured Valerie a generous glass, and whistled in surprise when she downed it in one and put the glass back down in front of him expectantly.

"Hell Nix," chuckled Harry, "I think you may have met your match on the drinking front." Lewis smirked as he poured her another and topped up his own glass. He picked up his and tilted it towards her expectantly.

"I think Harry here may be on to something there," he grinned, "what d'ya say Landry, why don't we start anew and be drinking buddies?"

Valerie sized him up for a moment, contemplating. She'd tended to avoid spending much time with her fellow Easy officers, preferring the company of the enlisted men. She still maintained they were stuffy as hell, but maybe they weren't all bad. Sure, Nixon was another rich jerk from another posh college, but he did seem like the kind of guy who knew how to have a good time. As for Welsh, he was a late addition to the crew and she hadn't exactly taken too much troubles to talk to him. Maybe if she gave them a chance she might grow to like them.

"Hell Landry, you sure know how to keep a guy hanging," quipped Lewis, shaking his glass in front of hers. She rolled her eyes at his impatience but smiled slightly as she clinked her glass against his and they downed their drinks in unison.

"Well I wouldn't want to seem too eager, now would I?" She smirked, sliding her glass across the counter for another. He raised an eyebrow at her sceptically and she narrowed her eyes at him as if to say 'are you doubting I can handle it?' He poured again and watched with fascination as she downed it.

"Jesus Landry you really are somethin' else aren't you?" He laughed.

"I'm here all week folks," she grinned, spreading her arms and doing a mock bow, with Harry and Lewis joining in with a round of applause. It was fun, they were fun, and she thought that maybe, just maybe giving them a chance wouldn't be so bad after all.

She felt a pair of eyes on her and when she looked beyond Harry she was unsurprised to find two blue eyes watching her intently.

"Something you'd like to say Winters?" She asked, narrowing her eyes at him. He sat up a little straighter then and cleared his throat, clearly not expecting she'd pay him any mind.

"Well, I...was just thinking to myself that I'd never met a lady that could drink like that," he replied honestly. Valerie rolled her eyes and crossed her arms.

"Well then it's lucky I ain't no lady, as I've already told you," she replied dismissively, "and there's a whole lotta things you don't know about me."

"Well it'd be hard to know anything about you since you hardly ever talk to us."

Lewis eyed his friend in surprise, and he shared a look with an equally shocked Harry. He subtly poured himself and Harry another drink and sat back to see how it would all play out.

"Well maybe I would talk to you more if you weren't so godamn stiff. You got the rule book stuck up your ass or something?" Valerie snapped. Dick gazed back at her, his jaw clenching and his eyebrows furrowed.

"And maybe if you weren't so argumentative, or didn't act like you were so much better than us, you wouldn't be such a chore to be around."

His eyes widened the minute he realised what he'd said, and she could see that he was about to try and apologise for it, not that she would give him the chance. He'd meant every word of what he said, and they all knew it.

"Well I'll be sure not to impose on your time any longer," she hissed, pushing her glass across the counter and standing abruptly. "Lewis, Harry, it's been fun. We should do it again sometime."

Without waiting for a response she marched from the room.  Lewis and Harry watched her walk out the door before turning to Dick with barely smothered smirks.

"Wow Dick," Lewis said, "I've never seen you get so animated. What's going on with there?"

"Yeah," chimed Harry, "I didn't think anyone could get under your skin."

Dick finished off his own drink and placed the glass on the counter, unwilling to meet their eyes. "There's nothing going on," he stated as he pulled on his coat, "Now if you don't mind I'm gonna hit the hay. I'll see you two in the morning."

"Aw c'mon Dick don't be like that," pleaded Lewis, "there's clearly something going on."

Dick shook his head and bid them both goodnight as he walked out the door.

"I'll get it out of him yet, don't you worry," promised Lewis, pouring himself and Harry another drink. There was clearly something with those two and he'd be dammed if he was left out of the loop.

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