#then again pity was started in APRIL and it's FIGHTING ME

[httpvomitello]

Call of Distraction *⁠.⁠✧

Mikey / Leo / Raph

The lair was relatively quiet, save for the soft hum of machinery in Donnie’s lab, where he was thoroughly engrossed in fine-tuning a new device. The rest of the guys were busy preparing for patrol when April’s phone went off. She glanced at the screen and saw your name.

“Oh, it’s (Y/N),” she announced, already smiling. “Mind if I take this real quick?”

“Go for it,” Leo said.

April answered, immediately switching to speaker. “(Y/N)! What’s up?”

“Oh, you know,” you said, your voice coming through loud and clear. “Just trying to survive another night of fighting with my laptop. Thing’s practically about to combust. Thought I’d see if my favorite tech genius was up for a little troubleshooting?”

Donnie smirked, glancing over from his workstation, already recognizing the subtle hint in your voice. “Favorite tech genius, huh? Well, I could take a look, but only if you admit that you’re probably the reason it’s about to combust.”

“Oh, I’d say it’s an even split between me and the cursed hardware,” you replied smoothly. “But hey, I’ll take my chances. Besides, you love fixing my messes, don’t you?”

“I wouldn’t say love,” Donnie replied, shooting a small grin at April. “More like a necessary evil. But sure, I can save you—again.”

Raph, who was listening from the other side of the room, snickered, leaning over with a smirk. “Donnie’s got his hands full tonight, huh?”

“Please, Raph, like I’d want him spending his precious time on anything but his tech-hero duties,” you shot back, clearly amused. “Besides, he’s the only one who can stand my laptop’s… unique personality.”

“Oh yeah?” Donnie asked, unable to hide his grin. “Unique as in constantly malfunctioning because someone forgets to do even the most basic updates?”

“Touché, Professor,” you teased. “Next you’re gonna start grading me on my computer skills.”

“Actually, I have considered it,” he replied, the usual bite in his sarcasm softened with a hint of warmth. “I think you’d be lucky to scrape by with a C-minus.”

“Wow, a C-minus? That’s generous. Might have to keep you around after all, Donnie.” Your laugh came through the speaker, light and genuine.

April couldn’t help but shake her head, an amused smile spreading on her face as she exchanged a look with Leo. Meanwhile, Donnie’s expression softened, the usual sharpness fading from his eyes as he listened to you. But just as he was about to come up with a snappy comeback, April raised an eyebrow, looking right at him.

“You know, (Y/N) has a pretty high opinion of you, Donnie,” April said, an innocent tone to her voice but a glint of mischief in her eyes.

He froze for a second, caught off guard. “I—I mean… well, of course,” he stammered, trying to keep it together. “After all, I am the resident tech genius around here.”

“Actually, April…” you cut in, voice suddenly shifting to something more thoughtful. “If you’re saying what I think you’re saying, maybe I do need to be a bit more direct.”

There was a beat of silence on the other end as Donnie’s brain short-circuited. April, realizing you’d stepped right into it, gave him an innocent little shrug, clearly unbothered by his deer-in-headlights expression.

“So,” you said, now half-teasing, half-genuine, “how does the idea of a post-tech-support dinner sound? Or maybe you can come by, and we can save my laptop and my sanity in one go?”

Mikey gave a soft, “Ooooh,” while Leo grinned, and Raph smirked as Donnie tried to process what just happened.

“A—uh… dinner? With you?” Donnie managed, his vouce completely failing him. His face went pink under the purple of his mask as he shifted on his feet.

“Don’t tell me the tech genius is speechless?” you asked, clearly amused. “Or was that one too many system errors for the night?”

April finally took pity on him, giving him a gentle nudge. “Go on, Donnie. Sounds like a plan to me.”

“Yeah,” he muttered, still trying to regain his composure. “Dinner… I mean, tech support—I mean, sure. I’d… love that.”

You laughed softly, a sound that made Donnie’s heart skip a beat. “Good. And thanks for being my favorite tech guy… and maybe my favorite guy, period.”

Before he could respond, April winked at him and hit the button to end the call, leaving him standing there, dazed. The rest of the turtles broke into laughter, and Donnie could only give a half-smile, half-grumble as they teased him mercilessly.

“Smooth, Don,” Mikey said, clapping him on the shoulder.

Donnie just shook his head, but inside, he was already mentally cataloging ways to make that “tech support” session into the best night you’d ever had.

[shamera]

March-April manhwa reccs

In the vein of my last few reccs, here is the latest instalment in Shams-reads-too-much (I know it's only mid-April). This time, I'm back to the top 3 format but with a list of Honorable Mentions because oh boy, the readin' don't stop!

3. The Guild Member Next Door [30 chapters so far]

How is no one talking about this one? The first BL series to make it on my top lists, this is an online gamer meet-ugly cafe story that had me cackling through every chapter. It will brighten your day (threat). The story of an office worker slash secret gamer who starts playing the MMO Illusion and tries to join Poseidon guild only to immediately get PK'ed and accused of being a stalker's alt account, and in his revenge he befriends the entire guild as an FU to his attacker, only for his attacker to in-game propose to him to troll him in return. An adorable and hilarious story following the two as they purposefully step on each other's toes all the way until they're friends in-game, never realizing that they actually know each other IRL!

2. Martial God Regressed to Level 2 [one season]

Let's just say in chapter 1 all of humanity dies, so we already know how this story's going to go. Another OP protagonist whom I really enjoy, starting from scratch in hopes of saving the world. It's Seong Jihan's relationship with his family that makes this series hit different, as he not only uses his knowledge to try and prevent humanity's tragedies, but also does his best this time around to save his niece from her downward mental spiral and become a good role model for her after her father walks away. With little to lose now that he knows what's to come, the MC is more than willing to make enemies out of everyone to ensure they step up their game before the real fight for humanity begins.

1. SSS-Class Suicide Hunter [3 seasons]

This was already on Honorable Mentions back in December, and I know my recc list is meant for new reads, but I had to slap this down again after the PHENOMENAL season 3 ending. We've already seen Kim Gongja's crazy fights to ascend the tower, but the sheer hope. The belief in a better world that these characters have, and their determination to make it so, brought me to tears at the end of season 3. The story of a hunter with negative survival instincts, and a power that allows him to regress to a day before he dies every time he dies... it's not the type of story that I expected to see such delicate beauty within suffering, but here we are, with an MC ready to delve into storybooks to empathize with and relieve the suffering of the characters within, no matter what it takes. I'm so excited for season 4 and the next storybook, I am vibrating.

HONORABLE MENTIONS

Raising a Sacrifice

This series is impossible to describe and impossible to put down for long. This is the ultimate fantasy time-loop transmigration system apocalypse god-maker BL I have ever read? It's what happens when the apocalypse keeps resetting and you can never escape that last year no matter how many times you die, and the toll on one's mental state when you start trying-- everything. Murder. Genocide. Madness. And falling in love, again and again and again. And being alone again, after every reset. Thousands and millions of times until you lose all hope, until one day... the MC wakes up with memories of being murdered by his faithful knight, and now there's finally two people with memories beyond one timeline.

Medical Return [complete!!]

The story of a surgeon who led a pitiful life, only to return to his childhood once more by the grace of the gods-- and this time he's determined to not lead the same life again! Now if only the world got that hint, as he seems to be continuously steered back onto his original path, while trying to dodge the tragedies in his life and save just one more person others gave up for dead. This time around, he has a little outside help to finally uncover just why his life went so wrong at every turn the first time and help him retain that inherent goodness without being taken advantage of once more. With an MC with a deposition truly befitting a good doctor, this is for all fans of hospital dramas, and is complete!!

Kill the Villainess [complete!!]

The only way to return home is to play the role of the villainess, Eris, who is condemned to death after attempting to kill the heroine. There is no way to escape that fate, as Eris can't even succeed at taking her own life before she completes her part in the plot. The story of a villainess trying to die to change the story, yet unable to as she continues to uncover backstory beyond the original novel to find the reason why her soul was stuck in this world and unable to leave, while attempting to bypass paths that would trap her in the novel forever. At what point will her actions make her a true villain, and just what is she willing to do in order to return home to the real world?

Little Mushroom

...my cheat this month, with me using the novel cover and everything. (Please read the books, there are only 2 novels and the prose is breathtaking.) The manhua is absolutely gorgeous beyond compare, and the story covers a sentient mushroom post-apocalypse who is journeying into a dangerous human settlement trying to find the spore that was taken from him. In a world where threats to humans loom at every corner and shadow, drastic measures are taken to protect those who survive, employing "Judges" with absolute power to kill if they suspect a being of not being human. It's the story of a non-human and a Judge finding themselves and each other by navigating the active end of the world.

My Darling Signed In [complete!!]

Cute?? Adorable???? Another online gamer couple who meet in real life, this BL story is genuinely all fluff as the MC is found to play a beautiful female elf online, yet their beau falls in love either way as it was the same charisma and personality that drew them in. A green flag couple with turns that surprised me every time with how wholesome things are. It's 2 seasons and complete, featuring them from collage to work space through their ups and downs, navigating their relationship and growing as people all the while continuing their game. Do you need a cute read with a guaranteed happy ending? Here it is!!

Zero Day Attack [1 season done]

Another BL on the list?? This month is full of surprises, as this time it's about a hacker who had to go into hiding after being exposed and is now a barista by day while working to find the man who betrayed him by night, all the while running away from both the organizations he hacked and his old colleagues who are looking for him. Things get complicated when a man who shows up at the cafe he works at won't leave him alone, and blurs the line between his search for revenge and the fake life he's currently living. This one eked its way above Netkama Punch for the mystery and intrigue (as well as having a main couple who is obsessed with each other without wanting to bring harm to the other).

I Will Change the Genre

A transmigrater meets a regressor, and suddenly the novel plot is going very, very awry! In the novel, Judith Maybaum is the hateful aunt of the main character who betrays her nephew and dies for it, yet "Judith Maybaum" isn't actually the same character now, and her nephew is also acting very odd when the story starts rolling. She's determined that her nephew will not go through his lonely and sorrowful life this time around, even if it means giving his custody to the Duke Winterwald, yet for some reason the protagonist clings to her and calls her 'mother' when the Duke comes to take him away! A touching and funny story with, once again, a green flag couple as well as an adorable aunt and nephew pair, both with foreknowledge of the future in different ways as they mess things up and unravel a story that neither of them knew.

GOOD ENOUGH I READ EVERYTHING: -Netkama Punch -The Bromance Book Club [complete] -The Live [complete] -I'll Be the Matriarch in this Life -Reincarnator -Dark Mage Returns to Enlistment -The Main Characters that Only I Know -My Lucky Encounter from the Game Turned Reality -The Archmage's Restaurant -I Tamed a Tyrant and Ran Away -I Created an Urban Legend -The Regressed Demon Lord is Kind

[scotianostra]

25th of April each year marks ANZAC Day.

Anzac Day is always marked on 25 April because it is the anniversary of the Gallipoli landings during the First World War.

On 25th April 1915, Anzacs joined the Allied Forces and entered the First World War, launching an expedition to the Gallipoli peninsula. Among the battalions of the British 29th Division that took heavy casualties were 1st King's Own Scottish Borderers, a regular battalion, and 1/5th Royal Scots, a Territorial unit

The plan was to capture the land and gain access to the Dardanelles, a thin strip of water between Gallipoli and mainland Turkey.

It was a key location, as capturing it would have meant Allied ships would be able to get through to the Black Sea, and also Constantinople (now Istanbul, Turkey), the then capital of the Ottoman Empire, which was fighting alongside the Germans.

But while the attack was supposed to be a surprise and victory achieved quickly, the fighting continued for eight months and finished in a stalemate, with huge losses on both sides. Of the 56,000 Allied troops who died, 8,709 were from Australia, and 2,721 from New Zealand.

Australia marks Anzac Day with marches by veterans, as well as serving members of the Australian Defence Force and Reserves, allied veterans, Australian Defence Force Cadets and Australian Air League.

New Zealand marks the day in a similar way, with marches attended by the New Zealand Defence Force, the New Zealand Cadet Forces, members of the New Zealand Police, New Zealand Fire Service and Order of St John Ambulance Service.

Paper poppies are worn as symbols of remembrance, as they are on Remembrance Sunday in the UK and other Commonwealth countries.

Australians gathered for dawn services on Monday morning, the return to full-scale commemorations for the first time since 2019 due to the covid pandemic.

Eric Bogle is a Scottish folk singer-songwriter. Born and raised in Scotland, he emigrated to Australia at the age of 25, he wrote this song in 1971....

AND THE BAND PLAYED WALTZING MATILDA

Now when I was a young man, I carried me pack And I lived the free life of the rover From the Murray's green basin to the dusty outback Well, I waltzed my Matilda all over Then in 1915, my country said "son It's time you stopped rambling, there's work to be done" So they gave me a tin hat, and they gave me a gun And they marched me away to the war

And the band played Waltzing Matilda As the ship pulled away from the quay And amidst all the cheers, the flag-waving and tears We sailed off for Gallipoli

And how well I remember that terrible day How our blood stained the sand and the water And of how in that hell that they called Suvla Bay We were butchered like lambs at the slaughter Johnny Turk, he was waiting, he'd primed himself well He showered us with bullets and he rained us with shell And in five minutes flat, he'd blown us all to hell Nearly blew us right back to Australia

But the band played Waltzing Matilda When we stopped to bury our slain We buried ours, and the Turks buried theirs Then we started all over again

And those that were left, well we tried to survive In that mad world of blood, death and fire And for ten weary weeks, I kept myself alive Though around me the corpses piled higher Then a big Turkish shell knocked me arse over head And when I woke up in me hospital bed And saw what it had done, well I wished I was dead Never knew there was worse things than dyin'

For I'll go no more waltzing Matilda All around the green bush far and free To hump tent and pegs, a man needs both legs No more waltzing Matilda for me

So they gathered the crippled, the wounded, the maimed And they shipped us back home to Australia The legless, the armless, the blind, the insane Those proud wounded heroes of Suvla And as our ship pulled into Circular Quay I looked at the place where me legs used to be And thanked Christ there was nobody waiting for me To grieve, to mourn, and to pity

But the band played Waltzing Matilda As they carried us down the gangway But nobody cheered, they just stood and stared Then they turned all their faces away

And so now every April, I sit on me porch And I watch the parades pass before me And I see my old comrades, how proudly they march Reviving old dreams of past glories And the old men march slowly, old bones stiff and sore They're tired old heroes from a forgotten war And the young people ask, "what are they marching for?" And I ask myself the same question

But the band plays Waltzing Matilda And the old men still answer the call But as year follows year, more old men disappear Someday no one will march there at all

Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda Who'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me? And their ghosts may be heard As they march by that billabong Who'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me?

[thebibutterflyao3]

Day Twenty-Eight - Lost

April Daily Series - 666 words (this felt oddly appropriate 😉)

<<<Previous Part OR Start Here

Dorcas wasn’t prepared for the consequences of allowing Marlene in again. She expected the onslaught of sexual tension and pitiful longing. Marlene was a rip current of emotions. When she drifted too close, Dorcas was helpless to resist the pull away from everything that kept her level and grounded.

But the heady adrenaline rush triggered by their antagonistic banter? It sent her reeling!

Am I a child? Flirting with the cute girl by tugging her pigtails? This is ridiculous.

Marlene had lost all semblance of good sense, as well as rushed past that brief moment of insecurity at the restaurant. In its place was the woman’s brash confidence, a living entity that crawled under Dorcas’s skin. She wanted to throttle the nervy twat and fuck her senseless. Dorcas needed to think and this wasn’t helping.

“Dorcas? Are you alright?” Regulus slipped into the kitchen and joined her at the table. “Did you have a row with Marlene, or something? It seemed like the two of you were getting along, but now…”

Dorcas massaged her temples firmly. She’d escaped into the kitchen after Marlene spouted off some nonsense about evening out her arse, which Dorcas was not addicted to groping. It wasn’t her fault that it fit so perfectly into her hands!

“Yes. No…I’m not sure.”

Regulus propped his head on his hand and studied her in silence. His approach was often the opposite of Pandora’s, quiet contemplation rather than talking the matter to death.

After a deep sigh, she let her chin fall to her chest. “I’m a weak, weak woman, Regulus. She wore me down in three days.”

“Two,” he corrected with a smirk, “but the broken nose was understandably distracting while you were at work today. You lasted longer than I would have, if that makes you feel better.”

Has it truly only been two days?

“Yes. A little, actually. If it were James—”

“I wouldn’t allow him out of my sight.” Regulus’s eyes widened momentarily, then he reigned himself in. He nodded at her necklace. “So, she told you about the ring? This isn’t the one she showed me.”

Dorcas toyed with the claddagh ring idly. It felt both strange and comforting to wear it again. She’d missed the weight of it against her breastbone.

“This is her grandmother’s, and her good luck charm. As for the engagement ring,” Dorcas inhaled sharply, “You were right. I needed to know.”

“She calls you the ‘love of her life,’ even now. Did you know that?” Regulus asked.

Dorcas gripped the ring tightly. “She told you that? Just now?”

“No. In the pub last night, before you showed up. She was devastated, Dorcas, and I say that sincerely. I assumed that Pandora had already cleared her visit with you, but Marlene clearly didn’t know that you would be there. She was shattered.”

“She didn’t look it when I arrived,” Dorcas snarked, rolling her eyes. “Practically purring in Narcissa’s lap.”

Regulus grimaced and dropped his gaze. “That was…unfortunate timing, I’ll admit. I didn’t catch on quickly enough. She walked away with Lily and Pandora to dance while James was…never mind. Suffice to say, I would have intervened earlier had I noticed my dear cousin’s interest.”

“You certainly handled the situation perfectly afterwards. Thank you for that, by the way. Highly effective.” Dorcas smiled at his scoff. “I wanted to break her fingers one by one for daring to touch Marlene, but that would have been messy.”

“Agreed, and bloody too,” Regulus said, lips twitching in amusement. “Just imagine the emotions spilling everywhere.”

Dorcas laughed. “You don’t think that I could play it off as retribution for her lascivious thoughts?”

He arched an eyebrow sceptically. “Who do you think you are? Circe?”

“I could be. Narcissa deserves to be pigified, the greedy bitch.”

“Would you settle for giving her a little corkscrew tail and a snout?” Regulus teased, losing his fight with a grin.

Dorcas shook her head. “I’m with the bruja, go whole hog or go home.”

Next Part>>>

[pinkiepiebones]

whats up with dwight frye? /gen

i've looked him up b4 but didnt see anything upsetting and just wonder if im missin smth

His is just a sad story. The Fangoria I bought for the Renfield article (April 2023 issue) had a writeup of Frye right after the Renfield section, and it just made my heart hurt.

Basically, he was born in 1899 and grew up in a household that considered acting something sinful, but he had a great talent so at age 23 he jaunts off to New York and starts doing plays on Broadway, he marries and he and his wife move to Hollywood and in 1930 he's cast in Dracula. He was kind of what we'd call a "method" actor today- in one Broadway play where his character gets in a fight, he kept a box of sand backstage so he could appear dirtied up instead of just changing into a dirty version of his costume- so like in between takes on Dracula, when Lugosi would strike poses in a mirror and proclaim "I AM Dracula," Frye would allegedly lurk in the shadows and watch everyone with wide, wild eyes.

The movie opened in February 1931 and I guess people just didn't "get" Frye, you know? He was then cast as Fritz in Universal's Frankenstein (again, method shit; Mae Clarke said Frye would "scuttle like a spider" in the shadows, never breaking character bwtween takes. "He scared the Hell out of everyone!"). Frankenstein opened in December 1931 and sealed Frye's typecast fate.

The quote isn't dated but Fangoria has Frye's feelings on this movie called The Vampire Bat: "If God is good, I will be able to play comedy, in which I was featured on Broadway for eight seasons, and in which no producers of motion pictures will give me a chance! And please, God, may it be before I go screwy, playing idiots, half-wits, and lunatics on the talking screen!" :(

He went back to Broadway but the plays he was in flopped. Director James Whale cast him as "Karl" in 1935's Bride of Frankenstein, and in the 40s was in a stage production of Dracula as well as stuff that sounds like shit like Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man.

Then WWII was swinging in to high gear so Frye started working nights at an aircraft facility in Santa Monica, had heart problems he refused to see a doctor for (Christian Science faith). Things were just starting to look good- he had landed a big role in an upcoming movie called Wilson which I guess was to be about Woodrow Wilson when in 1943 he had a heart attack and died. He was 44.

The following is verbatim from the article because this is what hurt me so: "Dwight David Frye, who died in 2003, remembered that his father received virtually no fan fame in his lifetime. On the rare occasion that a Dracula fan did recognise him and asked for an autograph, Dwight Frye, amazed that anyone recalled his pitiful Renfield, invariably sighed with a grateful sentiment. Considering his macabre professional downfall, his inscription was heartbreaking:

'Thanks for remembering, Dwight Frye.' "

... so yeah that's why I'm all like WE REMEMBER YOU DWIGHT. 😢

[soapiemomorphine]

GUYS GUYS GUYS I HAVE A 2012 TMNT AU 💞💞💞💞

Warning; long text post up ahead

So it’s a yakuza au; based on the season after the defeat the triceratops or whatever

Contains: raph/Mona Lisa, dead splinter and dead Leonardo, Casey jones/donatello, morally grey turtles, them having depression for a lil while

Beware: this au is a lil angsty but I have the timeline in my head so it’s all good

When I say angsty I mean leo is dead 💀

(Don’t kill me pls)

So it begins to diverge from canon with leo dying in the final battle or sum

And the whole Space shenanigans shit is over they won and the saved the world but Mikey, Donnie, and raph are hella sad bc their fucking brother just died

Splinters will says sum ab wanting to be buried in Japan

And while they getting the body and proper Japanese burial in order I know nothing ab burials in other countries and shit( and if ur wondering why they haven’t buried him in Japan yet, they were kinda in the middle of an intergalactic war and the like)

Everything in nyc remind they of splinter and leo and they literally can’t take it

So when they have a funeral in Japan… they just stay there

Raph

You can’t get anything out of Raph other than anger; he ends you punching anyone who looks at him a lil too long or with pity

He’s so sad; and so mad as a result( he had his breakdown when he saw his brother dead and again when he buried him; those times were the hardest he ever cried)

Leo was supposed to be constant was supposed to always be there; the water to his fire; to calm him down and to round him out and he’s not here and he’s never been more miserable

While the hamato fam is staying in Japan he doesn’t stay in the house for long

He ends up fighting a lot of yakuza; not in a need to be a hero; but only to release all the emotional turmoil he feels

He can’t look at his brothers without feeling like a failure

Mona is trying to get him to talk to his family but to no avail

He ends up making enemies with the local yakuza Oop

And that’s how everything starts

But before we get into that….

Donatello

He goes into this deep depression after the funeral

After splinters death he threw himself into his work and technology to prove himself, he felt he needed to make sure that he never loses any member of his family ever again

But after Leo’s death he barely leaves his bed

I hc that donatello had the most body dysmorphia and internalized hatred due to being a sentient turtle; basically he’s rlly in his head all the time and has major self esteem issues

And they only get worse, bc even with him trying his hardest, with him barely takin any breaks in an effort not to lose anyone and he does? That absolutely kills him on the inside

He barely leaves the bed most days and his thought process is all; what’s the point? Everything I do fails anyway

Casey makes sure he eats and shit

With Casey’s help he’ll sometimes go to the park

And every once in a while they’ll have a family hamato dinner( I forgor to mention earlier that at this point Casey, Donnie, Mona, Raph, and Mikey all live in the same house; but they hardly see each other)(April gets her own apartment and visits Mikey daily)

And during one dinner….

Mikey

He deals with his grief the healthiest; he tries to spend his days doing things, like water plants, feed stray animals, eats lunch with April, learns to cook Japanese food,

He still cries himself to sleep

He makes friends like how he usually does

He helps April get a job at a convenience store

He help mutaanimals get jobs and all

He helps the neighborhood with any problems

He’s spends all his days outside bc his house feels so empty and even though he makes dinner for everyone he never sees them eating it; or even if they do eat

He visits Leo’s and Splinter’s joint shrine daily; he cleans them and keeps them well kept ( I have no idea how Japanese shrines work 😭, but Mikey does and he takes care of them with the rice and the incense and all)

He tells them about his day and his feelings

He gets a therapist along with April

His therapist suggests a family meeting

And the first family meeting is held in total silence

Mikey keeps on trying to make conversation

And raph gets all snippy; probably says something like, “ why do you even care? It’s not like Leo’s death is affecting you anyways” bc he’s a dumbass and emotionally constipated

And Mikey just snaps

He explains how he really feels, how much Leo’s death affected him

But then he says, “ but the worst part, is that I didn’t only lose Leo. I lost my whole family”

And he storms out leaving Donnie and raph in shock and to stew in their guilt bc they haven’t even talked to their youngest brother, of course he’s hurt and the only one who ever tried to ask how he felt is gone now and they’ve been terrible brothers and-

AND THIS IS PART ONE OF MY YAKUZA AU :)))

look for the 2012 tmnt yakuza au in my tumblr to read the rest

I promise the rest is ab how they actually become a part of the yakuza

(Spoiler: the head is someone you wouldn’t (maybe you would) expect)

-next-

[lost-soul-in-time-archives]

𝙾𝙽𝙴 𝙳𝙰𝚈 𝙿𝚁𝙸𝙾𝚁.

April 21, 1939

As I’ve been recommended, this letter reads to no one but myself. Words I wouldn’t dare say, actions I can never bring myself to make. A piece of paper will hold my most private, inner thoughts, only to be thrown into the deepest part of my fireplace. Frankly, I hold no resentment to this form of self-preservation. It presents itself as charming, endearing even. Although, I see no use for it. Why would a person write down what they hold away from anyone else only to watch it go up in flames? It seems like a waste of emotional stability, and paper. I suppose I have nothing that I could lose if I were to give this gimmick a chance.

How would one usually start this? Am I supposed to speak about my feelings? I’ve closed myself off from being too vulnerable, and I can’t begin to describe it, not even when I have the consolation of the knowledge no one will get their hands on this. Is this paranoia? I don’t trust myself to believe I’ll be able to hide this away from the prying eyes of my closest companions. My family would most likely give me sympathetic glares if they found this out. Mostly sympathy from my mother and glares from my father. That man, he’d have the ball to say he raised me to be honest. He barely raised me at all, and he’s no father. He simply existed for 18 years of my life in the same house as my mother and maid, barely batting an eye in my direction and only now does he want to reconnect. My mother chose unwisely, her poor soul. Maybe if she had chosen a man who respected her, I wouldn’t be this bitter, this hybrid of good and evil.

Clara is the one thing I live peacefully for. Although my mother has good intentions, I will not let her take a child back into an empty, loveless, lonely house; I do not say “home” because it never was. I am, once again, put into a role that was never mine to begin with. Catherine sees her as the child she can never have, as do I. I’d hand her the world on a silver platter if she asked me to, but she would never want any of those things. All she wants is to shoot slings (at me, specifically) and spend time with her friends. I catch myself fantasizing of a life where I could’ve grown with loving role models the way that she is now, and that I had not wasted my time attempting to satisfy men and women, who I know nothing of, with my useless knowledge. I cling to fantasies, and often times I find my day passing quicker than a bullet. Time seems to be my worst enemy, it seems.

When I’m not forcing myself to stop wallowing in self-pity, I’m brought back to him. For a moment, I believed he cared, maybe even loved me saw me as more than simply an escape. But as I’ve stated before, I am a bitter individual, and I find myself blaming an innocent woman who has nothing to do with past affairs. I fell for gazes that I thought were genuine, amorous touches, words of praise, and a devil in sheep’s clothing. A snake that hid himself in the tree of life. Still, as angry and devastated as I try to be, I’m reminded of how the facade of a star seemed to melt away behind closed doors. He was kind, caring, charismatic, and I fear I may have given my heart to another too soon to someone who didn’t know how to love it or me. I feel my throat clog when they’re happy, and I die when they exchange declarations of love.

I’m angry. ANGRY. Not only at myself, but at the world. I feel I was born in the wrong lifetime with the wrong people and the wrong status. Still, I suppose that will have to be my. life. I’ll be lost in the names of millions, but I am more than alright with that. I don’t want to be remembered, nor do I want to have to carry the sins of others with me to the depths of hell. I live for the few people I have managed to keep close to me, those I cherish more than anything. Fuck society and what they want to think of me. The Ahlborns are fighters, and I will fight not for what they want me to, but for what I want. What I want is peace. Tomorrow I leave for America, where I will finally put an end to years of tension after an unfathomable amount of begging from my mother.

Peace feels close enough to give me the hope I need. Once I have it in my reach, I will never let go.

— Oliver

[ducknotinarow]

Raphael wasn't sure what to expect when he decided to go through with this. Opening up? He hated it It made him feel weird. Vulnerable and open, like if his shell was some how removed and left him unprotected. Everything was just out and exposed, Raph was out and exposed. His feelings were just there in the air between him and Leo. How he felt truly felt for Leo. The attraction romantic and other wise all made known his feelings though?! They were there. And it meant Leo knew and worse that Leo could do something about those feelings.

And Raphael never felt so fucking on edge before. Hell he wished Superfly broke his shell back then now. He heard the sound of springs of the mattress squeak as Leo more to get up but didn't risk to look at Leo, letting his eyes squeeze shut. Raphael wasn't sure what to expect he didn't want or need his big brother to pity him. To go on a date with him because he felt bad for hurting his feelings. He got it he did Leo liked April and Raph could respect that take the hit that came with it.

Though everything in his mind soon shuts off the second he feels fingers graze over his cheeks. Eyes open and grew wide in well he's not sure it all happened at once, faster than he could even breath he found Leo's break pressed in against his own. A feeling he knew better, a feeling he could say rivaled getting into a fight. Or taking a win in a wrestling match. It was warm, soft and filled him with sparks. Left to stare at Leo as soon as he noticed their beak wasn't against his own anymore. Face deeper red than the mask he wore. He had to work his works to listen as Leo spoke.

"You want...me?" Raphael parroted back as he pointed himself still confused and mind fried from the kiss. Guess the kissing lessons paid off after all. Raph blinked a few times. He could still feel the tingle across his beak. Soon his hands learned to work again as he reached and took hold of Leo's thinner shoulders and pulled them back in for another kiss.

Raph's hold soon traveled from Leo's shoulders to the back of their shell wanting to hold Leo in close to himself a moment more. This felt right. This was exactly what he wanted, the feeling of Leo's between his arms. Beak curled into a smile for a moment as he was letting everything sink in. And his mind finally started to think that blush on his face only grew hotter as he slightly break the kiss between them. "heh did I really say love?" Raph knew he felt that but he didn't notice it was what he said, as he slightly smiled a little sheepishly. "Shit I kinda of wanted ta make 'hat more special." Oh well he shrugs his shoulders and lets his smile soften as he looks back at Leo. "ya sure though? Cause I want everything Leo. I wanna be able to call you mine in front of others, hold ya hand maybe be dumb and try dates out even? Kind of lame I guess but...I wouldn' mind all 'hat with you."

Eye ridges furrow when Raphael speaks again, confusion clear shining beneath blue hues. When did it sound like he was taking pity on him? He was being genuine!

"No one said anything about pity ? " He asks, his hand hesitating between reaching forward & lowering back down. He was confused & he still hated seeing Raph upset because of him. 

He kept his silence when his brother speaks again. This time, his gaze focused on the floor. He couldn't lie, part of what Raphael spoke about was true, but not the part where he was thinking of April last night. His thoughts were actually centered around Raph during then. How could he get him to see that, though? 

Yes, he still had strong feelings for April, but family was priority to him, at least when he sees they're upset. Or that something was wrong.

He winces as he listens to his brother continue to speak. April probably never would've cared to know his deepest feelings, even if he was planning on trying again earlier that night. He realized that now. Now when it was too late & Raph doesn't seem to want anything to do with him either. 

He's trembling, teeth chewing so hard on his bottom lip the more Raphael continues to pour his heart out. Hands clench & unclench, tears pricking at the corner of his eyes. He doesn't want to lose Raph too. 

He stands up with him, newfound determination surging through him. Hands tremble as they reach up to cup Raph's cheeks. He barely lets him speak again as he leans forward, pressing his lips against his. He lets the kiss linger, heart beating frantically within his chest. 

He probably could've gone about this differently, but he wasn't thinking rationally right then & there. Pulling back, he sighs, his hand lifting to rub the back of his neck. "I know I'm wrong. But I meant what I said when I say I'm not taking pity on you Raphael. I don't want to lose someone who actually loves me, okay ? I want this. I want you." 

[timetoddddavis]

WIP tag game

Rules: post the names of all the files in your WIP folder regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them and then post a little snippet of it or tell them something about it! And then tag as many people as you have wips. (You can make your own post or reblog this one!) I have deemed that this isn’t just for writing either. Sketch titles? Comics? DnD campaigns? If you have an unfinished project, it counts!!

Ok so I saw @dangerouscommiesubversive doing this and it looked really fun.

I don't have a folder for WIPs exactly, it's more like I move things from the general fic in progress/outlines folder into the 'finished' folder, or into 'WIP Hell' if I decide I'm not sure when, or if, I'll work on it again.

Fics don't always have titles until I'm done with them, so they end up with descriptive filenames until I can think of something good. And this is to say nothing of the sketchpad docs I keep for the random little snippets that don't really need their own file.

A couple of these I made the doc for as like a 'to do' list thing, but haven't put anything in it yet, so if you ask after it I'll probably post a little of the outline I've done up for it. I'll mark those two with a *.

≥pity (HiroGeorge Love Hotel)

behind the back of the Tanaka shed

battle hopper gets adopted 4

two dogs fighting

HiroTatsu shibari*

St Sebastian - Guido Reni, 1615*

And for the hell of it, a small selection of WIP HELL WILDCARDS

Narumi Detective Agency Cuddle Puddle

(don't) tell me everything

Bait and Switch

I'm not going to tag anyone because... I am shy. But please feel free to do this and tag me! I'd love to read yours!!

[fandomgirlz01]

Lightsabers and Guitars Pt. 1

Charlie Gillespie x Reader

Prompt?: No

Request?: No

Requested prompt?: No

Edited: Yes

Word count: 3929

Masterlist

Warnings here

You can listen to the story be read out loud here.

Post Date: April 8th 2022

Post Time: 10:54 pm

Summary: When the reader gets tired of being around her friends she tries to leave and ends up finding herself in a fight with one of those friends. Reader then stomps off and finds a quiet place {she believes nobody else will be there} where she can practice swinging her lightsabers. What happens when she and Charlie stumble upon one another? Will they become friends? Or maybe something more?

Y/n’s Pov:

“Y/n, come get back in the water with us!” my friend Jasmine calls to me from the water.

“Nah, I’m good, I just got dried off!” I yell back as I lay out my towel on the beach.

“Oh, come on! You’re here to socialize!” she says and I sigh, standing up.

“No. I’ve had enough socializing for one day…” I say as I cross my arms.

“Come on!” she persists. “I know you have days that you're just done, but this is ridiculous! We’re with other people! Stop making it all about you!” She says with a dismissive wave of her hand.

I roll my eyes and let out a huff of air, knowing she’s about to start a scene. She then fully gets out of the water and comes up closer to me.

“I hate when you get all anti-social!” she complains.

I knew I should have said no when she invited me. This is how it always goes with her. I should have just stayed home today…

“Look, I know you're a big social butterfly, but I’m not always social and you know that,” I say as tears start to cloud my vision, but I refuse to let them fall for this toxic friend.

“Well maybe you should leave then and stop dampening all the fun,” she says and I sigh, giving her an annoyed look.

“I can’t just leave, you're my ride! But maybe I should just find another way home!” I say as I start shaking in anger when she just shrugs.

“Go ahead. I don’t want you in my car anyway. I’m going to try and get Javi back to my place,” she says with a smirk and I visibly get grossed out.

“I think we shouldn’t be friends anymore…” I say quietly.

“Fine with me. I was just pitying you, anyway,” she says with a shrug of her shoulders before walking off.

I sniffle and wipe at my nose as I will the tears not to fall. I angrily pick up my bag and towel with a huff before walking off towards the pier. I walk for a while and enjoy the sand between my feet before coming to a stop.

I look around for a quick moment and see that nobody else is around. With a sigh, I drop my bag down into the sand before dropping down next to it as the tears start. Shaking my head, I decide she’s not worth crying over and with another angry huff I pull my duel lightsabers out of my bag.

I quickly connect them all back together and start to practice my twirling. Since I was the raw age of twelve, twirling these lightsabers has been the one thing that can take my anger away. After many years of practice, I have gotten very good at the art of what some call sword twirling.

I twirl my lightsabers around for a good thirty minutes and my anger slowly washes away as I do. Once I finish my last move that I’ve been working on for a while, I’m out of breath. I stop and hold my sabers down at my side, panting as I look out over the water for a moment before deciding I should probably get some water.

I pull my water bottle out of my bag and take a few sips before looking out over the water again. As I sit and watch the waves, I hear a slow melody fill my ears.

Seeing as I thought I was alone, I look around in confusion before I notice a very cute guy sitting by the water behind one of the pier pillars. He looks up at me and I gasp, but he just gives me a bright, breathtaking smile. He beckons me over and I shake my head before getting up to walk over to him.

He continues to play an unfamiliar sweet melody as I sit down in the sand next to him. I watch his fingers move over the strings of the guitar for a moment. He gives me another wide smile after I’m fully seated and my stomach does flips as I give him a light smile back. It’s only when he starts to sing the lyrics of the song do I recognize it: Kiss Me by Ed Sheeran.

♪ Settle down with me

Cover me up

Cuddle me in ♪

He sings and I watch in slight awe as his voice has a soft, velvety tone to it.

♪ Lie down with me, yeah

And hold me in your arms ♪

He continues to sing while he smiles at me and I feel my cheeks heat up. I look down at the sand before looking back up at him.

♪ And your heart's against my chest

Your lips pressed to my neck

I'm falling for your eyes

But they don't know me yet ♪

I now join in with him and his smile grows even more, if that’s even possible.

♪ And with a feeling I'll forget

I'm in love now ♪

We continue to harmonize together and his smile stays on his face as he plays his guitar.

♪ Kiss me like you wanna be loved

You wanna be loved

You wanna be loved ♪

We sing together and our eyes seem to stay locked on one another as we do. I’m in awe as we sing and keep solid eye contact, his fingers still effortlessly playing the chords to the song.

♪ This feels like falling in love

Falling in love

Falling in love ♪

We finish off the chorus and I stop singing to let him take over again. I sit and watch as he sings the next line with so much passion in his eyes.

♪ Settle down with me

And I'll be your safety

You'll be my lady ♪

He continues to sing and I again feel myself blush when he throws me a smirk along with a eyebrow wiggle, making me giggle.

♪ I was made to keep your body warm

But I'm cold as the wind blows so hold me in your arms ♪

He continues to sing, but as he finishes the line he nods his head at me and I take a deep breath.

♪ My heart's against your chest

Your lips pressed to my neck

I'm falling for your eyes

But they don't know me yet ♪

I join in with him again and we easily continue to harmonize with one another and he grins.

♪ And with this feeling I'll forget

I'm in love now ♪

We continue to sing as he plays the guitar so effortlessly, holding eye contact.

♪ Kiss me like you wanna be loved

You wanna be loved

You wanna be loved ♪

We continue with the chorus and I can’t help but feel butterflies with the way he keeps his eyes on mine.

♪ This feels like falling in love

Falling in love

Falling in love ♪

I sing with him, but again stop and let him take over once again so I can just enjoy his beautiful voice. I close my eyes and just take in the peacefulness that comes from him.

♪ Yeah I've been feeling everything

From hate to love

From love to lust

From lust to truth

I guess that's how I know you

So I hold you close to help you give it up ♪

I open my eyes again only to see a sweet smile on his lips. I take another deep breath before joining him on the chorus again.

♪ So kiss me like you wanna be loved

You wanna be loved

You wanna be loved ♪

We sing the chorus once together before he nods for me to take over, so I do.

♪ This feels like falling in love

Falling in love

Falling in love ♪

I sing the chorus once by myself and he smiles with a nod before he takes it over.

♪ Kiss me like you wanna be loved

You wanna be loved

You wanna be loved ♪

He sings it alone this time and I can’t help but sway lightly in the sand to his voice.

♪ This feels like falling in love

Falling in love

Falling in love ♪

We sing the last chorus together and it’s almost like time stops for a moment before we fully finish it off.

“Damn! You're good!” he says as our singing comes to a full stop now and I blush again.

“Not as good as you,” I say in a quiet voice and he chuckles.

“Nah… I think you sounded better than me,” he says and I shake my head at him.

“You're just saying that…” I say and he chuckles.

“I promise you. I am not, but I am glad to see a smile on that pretty face. You looked so sad before,” he says and I let out a sigh as I looked away from him.

”Umm, yeah… I just got into a fight with a… a friend who’s now no longer a friend…” I say with another sigh as I look away from him, but I quickly look up when I see his hand held out to me.

“Well I’m Charles. Well, most call me Charlie. It’s nice to meet you-” he says but stops and goes quiet with a raised eyebrow.

“Oh. Umm… I’m y/n,” I say as I grab his hand and he smiles, shaking my hand.

“Well it’s good to meet you, y/n. I’ll gladly be the new good friend that replaces the toxic one,” he says with a grin and I smile up at him before I’m being tackled by a dog, making me giggle as my face gets relentless licks.

“Koa! No! Down, buddy!” Charlie shouts as he pulls the dog away from me.

“I am so sorry about that. He must like you,” Charlie says as he pets the dog's head.

“It’s ok. Where’d he come from, though? I didn’t see him anywhere around…” I ask in confusion and Charlie chuckles.

“He was over playing by the wall. Had my eyes on him the whole time. He likes messing with whatever he can dig up over there,” he says, pointing to the cement wall behind us and I nod with a smile.

“Well, do I get a proper introduction?” I ask and Charlie grins.

“Koa, buddy. This is y/n. Y/n, this is Koa…” he says as he lets go of his dog's collar and lets him come over to me.

“Hi, Koa,” I say as I raise my hand for him to sniff and I giggle when it tickles. After smelling my hand, Koa immediately nuzzles into my lap and I giggle as Charlie grins.

“He must really like you. I mean he cuddles with everyone he knows, but he’s sometimes a little nervous around new people. Judging by how he just curled up in your lap, I'd say he already loves you,” Charlie grins and I gasp before letting a smile take over my face.

“Really? Well, I love him already too,” I say as I pet Koa’s head and Charlie chuckles.

“Yeah, everyone loves him the moment they meet him,” Charlie says as he watches his dog close his eyes.

“It’s because he’s just so adorable,” I say, but I have to hold back the thought I have: Just like his daddy…

“Yeah. You're probably right about that,” Charlie says with a chuckle.

“By the way… you're a wonderful guitar player and I really like your voice,” I say as I continue to pet Koa.

“Thank you. You're amazing at sword twirling,” he says and I blush again.

“O…oh, you saw that. Sorry, I thought I was alone…” I say as he chuckles, shaking his head.

“Don’t be sorry! It was so cool,” he says again with that grin that gives me butterflies.

“Well, thank you." I blush. "I’ve, uhh… been working on it since I was twelve,” I say as I look out over the water.

“I have a little question for you,” Charlie says and I giggle, shaking my head.

“You’ve only known me, what? Not even twenty minutes and you have a question for me?” I say, shaking my head with a giggle and he chuckles.

“Yup!” Is all he says and I shake my head, giggling.

“Ok. Go ahead, ask it then…” I say, gesturing for him to go on.

“Can you teach me sword twirling? It looks hella fun,” he says and I burst out into giggles.

“That’s all the question was?! I thought it’d be a deeper question,” I say and he chuckles, shaking his head.

“So? Will you teach me then?” he asks like an excited puppy and I grin as Koa snuggles a little closer into my lap, like he knows I’m cold.

Like father, like son, much?

“Sure, but only if you teach me how to play guitar,” I say and he grins.

“That I can do! Do you have one, or…?” he asks and I giggle.

“Do you have dual lightsabers?” I ask in a sarcastic tone and he chuckles.

“No. Can’t say that I do,” he says as he laughs.

“I’m joking. Yeah, I have one. I got it when I was 10, but lost all interest when I started the twirling,” I say and he nods.

“Ok. Give me your phone,” he says and I give him a confused look.

“So I can put my number in, duh!” he says and I giggle before being careful of Koa as I pull it out of my pocket.

“Here. Give me yours…” I say as I hand him mine and he chuckles, shaking his head.

“Hold on. It’ll be easier if I just send myself a text,” he says as he finishes typing then passes both mine and his to me.

“I sent the text, just put the information in,” he says and I smile at him.

I shake my head as I take his phone and save my number into it. I hand him his phone back with a smile before again being careful of a sleeping Koa as I put mine back into my pocket.

“So, we could meet here on Wednesdays and Fridays?” he asks and I giggle.

“Yeah, okay. I can also bring you my old practice sabers,” I say and he nods with a smile.

“Well I’ll see you Wednesday, then… I should find a ride home,” I say as I start to try and move Koa, who just whines.

As I move the cute dog off my lap, he starts to wake up and slowly moves over to Charlie. I smile lightly as Charlie gives Koa’s head a light pet before I fully get up off the ground.

“I could take ya… I mean, only if you’d want me to,” he says in a bashful way as he scratches at his neck before looking up at me.

“Uhh, sure… if it’s not too much trouble. I have work in like an hour,” I say and he grins as he puts all his stuff in his bag before getting up.

“It’s no problem at all. Really,” he says as he puts the strap of his guitar around himself and pushes it onto his back.

“Thanks. I’d drive myself, but uhh, I caught a ride here with that toxic friend I was telling you about. So… I really don’t have any other way except for the bus,” I say and he nods in an understanding kind of way.

“Well you definitely don’t have to take the bus. Busses here aren't safe, I’ll just take you home,” he says and I nod with a light smile.

“Thank you. Well, let me just grab my stuff and you can show me to your car,” I say with a light smile and he nods before I walk back up to my things.

“Koa. Come on, buddy. Time to head home,” Charlie says in a light tone as he picks up a very tired looking Koa.

Koa cuddles into him and seems to let out a light yawn before just falling right back to sleep in Charlie’s arms. I smile at the cute scene before me as Charlie holds his dog close to him. I quickly snap out of it before I grab my bag and throw my water bottle into it before taking my sabers apart.

I put them in their safety case and into my bag. When I’m done I turn around again to find Charlie almost right next to me. He gives me a puppy look and I resist the urge to tell him just how adorable he looks as he holds his dog close.

I just met him for goodness sake!! Calm down, y/n!!

“Ready to go now?” he asks and I nod as I hold the strap of my bag.

We start to walk towards the car park and about halfway there I start to laugh. Charlie gives me a confused look and again I have to stop myself from saying anything.

“What?” he asks and I only giggle more.

“Ya know I just met you, I should be scared to just hop in a car with you, yet I fully trust you. How is that even possible?” I ask and he chuckles, shaking his head.

“I mean I understand what you mean, but I can promise you that no harm will come to you from these hands,” Charlie says as he holds one of his hands up as the other one still keeps a firm hold on Koa and I giggle.

“Well thank you for the reassurance,” I say with a giggle and he chuckles, shaking his head.

“Come on. My car is just two more spots over,” Charlie says with a nod of his head in the direction.

We walk to his car and when I see it, it just screams Charlie (well, the Charlie I know so far…). I smile at the bright orange car before walking over to the passenger side as he opens the trunk. He unlocks it before putting his guitar into the case that sits in the back along with his bag.

I smile as I slide into the passenger seat as he goes around to his side. He first opens the back door and puts Koa down on the seat, then closes the door before opening his door and sliding into the driver's seat.

“Here. Put your address in,” he says as he hands me his unlocked phone and I giggle as I take it.

“How do you trust me with your phone so easily?” I ask as I type my address in and he chuckles.

“You don’t seem like someone to snoop,” he says with a light shrug and I giggle.

“Well I suppose I should take that as a compliment,” I say with a shrug and he smiles as I hand him his phone.

“As you should,” he says as he turns the car on.

“Hey. This is only a few blocks down from me!” he says and my eyes widen.

“Wait, really?” I say as I look at him and he nods.

“Yup!” he says with a chuckle as he pulls out of the parking space.

“That’s crazy. What are the odds we meet at the beach only to learn we live only a few blocks from each other?” I ask and he chuckles, shrugging.

“The world is an amazing place,” he says and I giggle.

“It really truly is…” I agree, smiling and looking out the window.

He continues to drive and before I know it he’s turning down my street. He pulls up outside of my little house and smiles.

“Nice place,” he says as he looks over it.

“Thanks. My friend Siana and I are renting it,” I say with a smile and he grins.

“It’s cute,” he says and I giggle.

“Well, thanks for the ride. I’ll see you on Wednesday? Same place?” I ask and he nods as he continues to grin.

“You're very welcome. I’ll see you on Wednesday,” he confirms with a single nod.

With one last smile at him I get out of the car and pull my keys from my bag. I walk though the little gate and to my front door. I unlock the door and walk in before turning back to see him still sitting there.

I give a small wave as I stand just in the doorway and he gives one back before pulling away. Once he’s out of view, I close the door and lean against it with a sigh.

“Well, who was that? You definitely didn’t leave with him,” Siana says and I jump, making her giggle.

“Geez, Ana, you just about gave me a heart attack!” I say as I hold my chest, my heart still pounding.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean too!” she says with a giggle and I shake my head at her.

“Anyway, who was that?” she asks, bouncing her eyebrows.

“That was Charlie…” I say with a shrug as I kick off my flip flops and hang up my purse.

“And Charlie is…” she asks with her arms crossed.

“He’s just a new friend,” I say as nonchalantly as I can.

“Ahhh! You were just blushing! You totally like him!” She pokes my cheek.

“Don’t be silly. I just met him today,” I say and she gives me a ’really’ look as she leans on my door frame while I start to get ready to shower.

“Just admit it. You like him,” she says in a sing-songy voice and I roll my eyes.

“Ok maybe I like him a little bit. He’s sweet.”

“Hmm…” she hums. “Where’s Jas? I thought she was giving you a ride home,” she continues and I shrug.

“We got into a fight again and we kinda called our friendship quits,” I say and she sighs, shaking her head.

“Awe babe, I’m so sorry. If she’s not your friend she’s not mine either,” she says and I smile at her.

“That’s nice Si, but you don’t have to do that. I know you two get along…” I say and she sighs, shaking her head.

“Babe, I’ve known you far longer. It’s ok if I’m not her friend anymore,” she says and I tear up.

“Are you sure? You're always losing friends because of me…” I say as I sit on my bed and slump down.

“Oh, honey! Really, I’m ok with it. You're the only friend I want to keep anyway,” she says as she comes over and gives me a hug.

“To hell with all the toxic people that hate on you for being you,” she says and I smile at her.

“Thank you…” I whisper out as I lay my head on her shoulder.

“You’re welcome, sweetheart. Now get showered up, you’ll be late for work if ya don’t,” she says as she pulls me up and slaps my butt as she pushes me to the door of my room.

“Hey!” I say as I spin around to look at her and she shrugs, giggling.

“What would I do without you, Si?” I say with a giggle and she shrugs.

“Die… never talk to the guys you like…” she says and I burst out into giggles.

“I wouldn’t die…” I say and she raises an eyebrow at me.

“Ok… maybe I would…” I say, making both her and myself giggle before I close the bathroom door.

To Be Continued…

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[winterscaptain]

absence.

Aaron Hotchner x Gender Neutral Reader a joyful future fic

a/n: the next installment is here! this is the second-to-last piece in the berry hill section of a joyful future. as it has been lately, this one requires little ajf context, but i would recommend reading berry hill and waldosia, if you haven’t already. (thanks to aimz @ssaic-jareau, kira @good-heavens-chris-evans, and sabina @writefasttalkevenfaster) edit: this has been heavily revised as of april 29th, 2021. the changes and additions address continuity errors and ongoing subplots. 

words: 7k (prev. 3.8k) warnings: language, vomit mention, really accurate satellite phone protocol (eat your heart out, cm writers), beard!hotch, jack hotchner content, one last slow burn

summary: “absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it inflames the great” - roger de bussy-rabutin. au!march-september 2011

masterlist | a joyful future masterlist | ajf faq | taglist | what do you want to see next? updated: april 29th, 2021

There’s a moment where he stops at your desk on the way out of the bullpen, but you just stare at him. He opens his mouth as if to speak, then closes it. After a moment, he finally says, “Jack is with Jessica tonight.” 

You have no idea what your face looks like, but it’s enough to drop his shoulders and send him on his way, defeated.

+++

You let yourself into his apartment, slamming the door behind you. He’s been waiting for you, leaning against the windowsill across from the door. 

“How dare you.”

He sighs and presses a hand to his forehead. “You have to understand that I -”

“Bullshit, Aaron. I don’t have to understand a goddamn thing. What are you thinking? We need you.” 

His head tips up, and he looks through you. The haunted look in his eyes almost makes you falter - it so acutely reminds you of the days following Haley’s death - but you keep your resolve. He doesn’t say anything, just lets you yell at him until it's out of your system. You could never actually hate him and he knows that, which makes some of it easier, but not all of it. 

The tears start and pick up speed as you continue, nearly at a shout. “You've known for seven months that you were going to leave for Pakistan. I read the brief. Seven. Fucking. Months, Aaron. Since September, you’ve known and you didn’t tell us about the task force assignment in fucking Pakistan!” 

You pause, but the final nail in his proverbial coffin leaves your mouth without permission. “Emily died, and you’re still leaving?” He flinches. “You’re leaving me and Jack. You’re leaving our team. I never thought you could do something like that to us. Maybe them, but not me. Never to me. I mean, after everything we’ve -” You cut yourself off and raise the back of your hand to your mouth, unable to finish the unbearably painful thought.

He’s not sure which part is the most painful - the fact that you list yourself with Jack instead of with the BAU, the fact that you say ‘our team,’ or the tone that drips with hurt. The sob that rips through your chest breaks his heart. He leans heavily against the arm of his couch, knocked down by the weight of your tears. 

No. The hardest part is knowing he deserves it, that you aren’t saying anything that isn't unfair or untrue. 

“I can’t even look at you right now.” 

He can only watch you as you walk back out, leaving the door open behind you. 

About twenty minutes later, he receives a text.

9:34pm I’ll be there tomorrow at 12:30 to take you to base. Be ready when I get there. 

He crawls into bed about half an hour later, and receives another text.

10:05pm Goodnight. 

Fuck. 

+++

The ride to base ride is mostly silent, and you know something’s wrong. It’s nothing you can articulate or even really put your finger on, but it’s something bigger than just his imminent absence.

He’s boarding a C-130 supply transport with a few Marines and various agency task force members to an outpost in Pakistan. It will no doubt be a long and deeply uncomfortable flight. His go bag, packed with desert fatigues and a couple of creature comforts, looks smaller than usual at his feet. 

“How long?”

He sighs and shakes his head. “Task force operations are need-to-know.” There’s so much he can’t tell you, and it eats at him. Because it’s you, and he’s been an ass, he concedes a little. “Probably a couple of months.”

“We’ll be okay, Aaron.” 

A little laugh leaves him, and it pulls a smile from you. 

“What?”

“Remember when you chased me down last night to tell me the team couldn’t do this without me?” 

You roll your eyes. “It’s still true, but we’ll manage. We always do.” There’s a moment of silence, and you continue. “And you’re going where you’re needed. That helps.” 

It’s true. Your anger had cooled (just a little) overnight, and you decided you didn’t want to be upset with him when he leaves. 

You already miss him. 

“Don’t think I’m not still mad at you.”

He looks out the window, and you can hear the wheels turning in his head. Jack is on his mind, and so are you. There’s nothing more nauseating than the thought of leaving you while you’re still hurting from Emily’s loss. “I know.” 

Why are you going through with this, Hotchner?

Oh, right. You’re a coward. 

“I just don’t want our last conversation before you leave to be a fight.” You sniff, but don’t look at him as you continue driving down the highway. 

I am perhaps the most undeserving man on the planet. 

He says, “Thank you. I don’t want that either,” but he hopes you can hear what else he can’t say. 

I love you. I’m sorry. 

+++

“Alright, you’ve got everything you need?” You stand next to him on the tarmac, shading your eyes from the sun. 

Aaron hikes his bag higher on his shoulder. “Think so. You gonna be alright?”

You nod and reach for him. He embraces you, tucking his head into your shoulder. “You be safe, Aaron Hotchner. If you die out there I’ll kill you myself.” 

He chuckles, and you hope the sound is enough to keep your heart from breaking too much over the next couple of months. Your eyes close as he presses a kiss to your cheek. “I’ll check in when I can.”

Shoving against his chest, you turn him around and push him toward the plane. “Get outta here.” 

He takes one last look over his shoulder when he reaches the loading ramp and offers you a wave. You return it. 

+++

You manage to get to the highway before the tears start. The only person you want to talk to is Emily. She’d know exactly what to say, and she’d make sure your days off were full of fun and good company. You pull off on the side of the road, your head falling into your hands, sobs wracking through you.

When you’re able to keep driving, your chest hurts beyond belief. 

Without her, these months seem to stretch before you forever. 

+++ april 2011 +++

It’s not the first time you’ve ended up in his office alone, but it’s the first time you’ve really noticed the evidence of his absence. 

The picture frames on his desk started gathering dust, so you brought a little duster to the office. His desktop computer has stopped making noise, so you turned it on and off once out of pity. His phone hardly rings, unless it's the NSA trying to get a hold of one of you for a sat phone call, so you and Morgan take turns taking forwarded calls. 

The silence is overwhelming and seems to pull something intangible from you. It’s exhausting. 

“When’s the last time you slept?” 

You turn, finding Penelope in the doorway. You’re not sure how long she’s been there, watching your acquiescence to the bees that seem to have invaded your brain in the last couple of weeks. 

“I slept last night,” you tell her. It’s not technically a lie. 

She doesn’t look impressed. “Did you sleep through the night, or are you just trying to play one of your Jedi mind tricks on me?” 

With a sigh, you cop to it. “No, I didn’t sleep through the night.” You look out the window to the bullpen, and you know she sees something on your face. 

“I don’t like it either.” She looks over her shoulder, finding Spencer and Ashley playing a game of Go on the desk. Unsurprisingly, Spencer’s winning. Rossi and Derek speak quietly by the little kitchen, looking just about as tired as you feel. 

The short-handedness is getting to you. “There’s just…” You search for something to say. “There’s just so much to do.” 

Penelope looks back. Her mouth twists. “And we’re down a couple’a hands.” 

That’s an understatement. 

+++

“I would understand if you needed some time to think about it.” Erin leans forward in her chair, elbows on her desk. “With your team cut in half, even I wouldn’t feel comfortable sending you to another unit without some time to train a replacement or two.” 

“Or three,” you add.

She looks at you and nods. “Exactly.” 

You pick up the letter from the Special Agent in Charge in Los Angeles. You’d be his right hand - essentially the liaison between operational support divisions and units operating in the field. It’s a hell of an opportunity, a huge promotion, and a significant bump in pay. 

“Can I take you up on the offer to think about it?” You slide the letter across the desk again. 

Her eyes are soft, and you almost feel close to her in that moment. “Of course. Take your time. It’s a position created just for you, so there’s nobody else in line for it.” 

“Thanks.” 

+++ may 2011 +++

“Ready or not, here I come!” You call across the apartment, sneaking through the familiar rooms with practiced ease. 

Aaron’s been away for close to a month, and you’ve settled into a routine. Cases, of course, keep you busy. Derek’s rather good at playing unit chief - decisive and collaborative - but you miss Aaron’s steady, even hand. 

Really, you miss everything about him. You try not to think about him too much. 

You fail, often. 

Avoiding thoughts of Aaron gets even harder as you creep into the master bedroom. The smell of him hasn’t left. Past the doorway, the air is spicy, masculine, and warm. You squint at the bed. One of the pillows moves, just a little, and you pounce, pulling the covers back and grabbing the wiggling pillow. 

Jack screeches and throws himself at you. You catch him and fall back on the bed, laughing. “I found you!”

Jess is off running errands for the afternoon, taking some well-earned time off. You’ll more than likely spend the night over here tonight to give her more of her weekend. It’s never any trouble to stay with Jack. You adore each other. 

Usually, Jack leaps right to his feet for another round, but he stays put after his fit of mirth passes, sprawling across your chest. 

“What are you thinking about over there?”

He sighs, and brings his little hands under his chin, propping his head up so he can look at you. He’s six (and then some), now - still very much a boy - but the pensive look on his face starkly reminds you of his father. “When’s Dad going to be home?”

You push some hair off his forehead. “I’m not sure, my love. I’m hoping it’s only a couple more weeks, but it could be a little longer than that.” 

He sighs, and it breaks your heart a little. You turn on your side, and he curls into you, resting his head on your arm and tucking under your chin. “Are you and my dad best friends? I have a best friend named Connor and he says best friends are really important and I was just wondering.”

You laugh a little. “Yeah, I think so. Your dad and I have known each other for a long time.” His little hands play with the collar of your shirt. There’s more to his question. Jack’s just like his dad and takes a bit of ferreting out. Luckily, you’ve had plenty of practice. “What are you curious about, little bug?”

“Do you miss Dad?”

A track of Aaron’s laugh, his smile, the way his arms feel around you flies through your head. “Yeah, I miss him a lot.” 

“I’m happy you’re here so we can miss him together.” You can almost hear Aaron’s voice in Jack’s. It sounds just like something he would say, and probably has said, talking to his son about Haley.

“Me too, buddy.” You kiss the top of his head. “Me too.” 

Jess returns about an hour later, groceries in-hand, to find you and Jack curled together in Aaron’s bed, snoozing the afternoon away. She snaps a picture with her phone, saving it in an album she keeps for Aaron. After she puts the groceries away, she escapes, leaving a note. 

You’re on your own tonight and tomorrow. Have a good time with breakfast - he’s been picky lately. 

XO, Jess

+++

“You know,” Jess says, a little out of the blue one afternoon. “Haley told me something once.” 

You snort. “I’d imagine she told you a great number of things.” 

“Well, sure. But I mean about you and Aaron.” 

It’s pretty stupid that your body decides to panic over absolutely nothing. If this was a polygraph, you’d fail outright. And yet, nothing’s happened between you and Aaron. You’re just friends. 

Yeah but you love him. 

And he probably loves you, too. 

But we're all to chickenshit for that.

What a-fucking-bout it?

You take a little breath and a sip of your tea. “Oh?” You hope the query sounds casual enough and doesn’t give away the cool sweat blossoming over your palms. 

Luckily, Jess isn’t a profiler. 

“Haley told me - and this was the summer before she died, so it’s not like she told me under duress or anything - that she thought there may have been something between you and Aaron after the divorce.” 

She says that like it’s the simplest thing. You’re not sure what to say, so you keep your eyes on the grain of the coffee table, tracing the lines with your eyes. Eventually, you decide to answer in the simplest, most honest way possible. 

“There’s never been anything between Aaron and me. He’s one of my best friends and I care about him.” That sounds evasive even to your own ears. “I care about him a lot.” 

Jess hums. “I know, but Haley always had a sense about these things. And she knows Aaron better than anyone.” 

Her slip into the present tense makes your chest pull. 

“I don’t say that to put you on the spot or anything.” She shrugs. “I just think you guys would be good together. You’re good for him and I think he’s good for you, too.” 

She’s more right than she knows, but you can’t think about it for too long. You miss him too much. 

Out of a need to respond, you offer a half-hearted, “Maybe.” 

Jess reaches out. “He’ll be home soon. When he gets back, I think you should at least think about it. Or talk about it.” She shakes her head. “Or something.” 

“I have -” You cut yourself off, not really meaning to share. 

She squeezes your knee. “I know you have. So has he.” 

+++ june 2011 +++

Back to back cases - five of them, to be exact, pull you through the next four weeks by the ear. Formal leadership wears on Derek more and more by the day, and you find yourself making just as many decisions as he does. You’re immensely proud of him, but the whole thing is exhausting. Spencer does his best to slip back into his normal role, but Emily’s loss continues to wear on him. You don’t blame him.

Most days feel held together by duct tape, with you and Rossi acting as the adhesive. All that and the offer in Los Angeles you’ve hardly had time to process. 

Thus, your evening with Jess is both well-earned and much needed. 

“Wanna crash here tonight?” She sets a mug of tea down on the coffee table in front of you and sits heavily back on the couch. “It’s pretty late.”

You check your watch and find it is indeed late. Before you can answer, your phone rings, and you answer it with an apologetic glance toward Jess. “Hey, Morgan. What’s up?”

“We have sat call notification from Hotch. Can you come in?” He sounds exhausted. 

“Yeah, I can be there in twenty. Is everything okay?”

He sighs. “Yeah, looks like a routine check-in.” 

Jess sighs, knowing the drill. She goes to the kitchen and pours your tea into a travel mug. 

“Are you calling anyone else in?”

“Nope. Just you. See you when you get here.” He hangs up. 

You stare at your phone as Jess sits next to you again. “We have a call from Aaron coming in, and I have to head to the office.” She hands you your travel mug, and you take it gratefully. 

“You’re welcome back here - I can set up Aaron’s room for you. We’re a lot closer to the office than your place, and I don’t want you to drive if you’re too tired.” She sets a hand on your knee, and you reach over to embrace her. 

“Thanks, Jess.”

+++

When you arrive, Derek’s already on the phone. “... So, no leads?... Right.” He looks up and catches your eye. “Here, Hotch.”

You take the phone. “Hey.”

“Hi.” He sounds relieved. “Are you doing okay? How’s Jack?”

His questions make you smile. “We’re good. He’s good. I just left the apartment - Jess and I were having some grown-up movie time.”

You’re warmed by his laugh. “Good. Glad to hear it. I was just telling Derek that the leads out here have gone cold, but we’re still working.”

“Ah. Any chance you’ll be home soon?” You avoid Derek’s searching gaze. 

“It doesn’t look that way, no. We’re picking up on some chatter out there, but nothing firm. We’ll have to keep out for a couple more weeks at least.”

Your heart drops, but you hide it as best you can. “Alright. Anything you need from us back here?”

“Just keep doing good work.” You know he can’t say much more than that, with more than a couple of NSA guys in between you on the line, not to mention the archival recording of the call. Even then, you know he means looking for Doyle. “That’s all I need from you.” 

“We can do that.” You give him a quick rundown of some recent cases, all surface-level. You’re mostly stalling, using up incredibly expensive satellite time just to hear his voice. 

You hear him sigh. “Alright, I gotta get back. Tell Jack and Jess I love them.” 

“Of course.” You hand the phone back to Derek and wait while they finish up. Your eyes wander over the volumes of law books in Aaron’s bookshelf, the pictures of Jack and Haley and Jess behind his desk. Wandering over to his chair, you sit down and rest your head on your arms. 

Your eyes wander to a photo taken a year and a half ago at Haley’s service. You’re not sure who took it, but you’re crouched on the ground talking to Jack, while Aaron stands behind him with a hand on his head. Jack's little hands are in yours, and he’s smiling a little. 

Of all the photos to keep on his desk...

Derek hangs up the sat phone and puts it back in the lockbox. He crosses the office and leans against the desk beside you, placing a hand on your shoulder. 

+++

When you get back to the apartment (indeed much closer than your home), Jess is asleep in the guest room, and Jack’s still out like a light. 

You change into your pajamas, stuffed into your go bag, and curl up under the covers on Aaron's side of the bed. His pillow smells faintly like him, and you burrow into it. 

The bed feels far too big and far too cold without him. 

+++

“JJ!” You stand to greet her. “What are you doing here?” 

She holds up her credentials. “I’ve been reinstated as a profiler on temporary assignment, so don’t get too excited. It’s a contingent favor for the FBI and I’m sure the State Department will call to collect sometime soon.” 

You clear your consults and subpoenas off the desk beside you. “Good to have you back.” Looking over at the intimidating stack of files you ask, “Need anything to do?”

+++ july 2011 +++

The next time a sat call comes in, you can’t go into the office. Jack has the flu and is absolutely miserable. You can’t, in good conscience, leave Jess to her own devices. Between the vomit and the sleeplessness and the tears, four hands are absolutely necessary. 

“Derek, I can’t leave. Jack is literally puking his guts out as we speak, and I don’t have any new intel for Hotch.” 

Morgan huffs into the phone. “Come on. You know you’re the only one he actually wants to talk to and the only one who has any actual updates about Jack.” 

“You just have to tell him that I’m up in the middle of the night with his son, who has the flu. Isn’t that enough of an update?” You don’t really mean to snap at him, but the lack of sleep has made you a little punchy. 

“Fine. If he -”

“Yeah, I know. If he gets upset, just blame me. He can deal with me when he’s not in Pakistan. As long as there are five time zones between us, I’ll take my fucking chances.”

“Fair enough.” 

He hangs up, and you return to the hall bathroom, where Jack’s cheek is pressed against the toilet seat, his forehead clammy and face pale. Jess is taking her turn to sleep - you’ll switch off in an hour. 

“Hey, bubba.”

He mumbles something that sounds like, “Hi.”

“Can I get you some crackers or maybe some Sprite?” 

Jack shakes his head and lifts himself up, holding his arms out. The risk of illness far from your mind, you gather him up and lean against the cabinets, rubbing his back.

“Can you try to close your eyes for me?”

“I don’t feel good.” There are a few tears in his voice, and it breaks your heart a little. You’ve so been there. 

“I know, baby. I know. Just close your eyes for a minute, okay?”

He does, and his breathing evens out eventually. He’s still feverish, but you’re happy he’s sweating, at least. It could break by morning at this rate. 

The makeshift towel-bed on the bathroom floor looks more than inviting. You gingerly shuffle over and lay down, keeping Jack flat against your chest. 

It’s the best sleep you’ve had in weeks.

+++

“Strauss offered me that transfer to LA again.” 

Derek looks up at you from his report, his brows drawn low over his eyes. “You gonna take it?” 

You heave a sigh. Before you can say anything -

“Yeah, that sounds about right.” He puts his pen down, giving you his full attention. “What’s stopping you?” 

So many things. 

There are only a couple of them you can say aloud. Luckily, they have the benefit of being true, albeit incomplete. “I love this work. I love this team. I don't know if I want to be a lackey for an almost-politician.” 

“And?” 

He’s got you. He knows there’s more because he knows you. Even then, you can’t bring yourself to say exactly what it is that’s holding you back. So, you hedge your answer, knowing he’ll understand. 

“I can’t -” leave Aaron and Jack. You clear your throat. “I can’t leave this team. Maybe that makes me a coward or suggests a lack of adventure or something, but I can’t do it.” 

“It doesn’t,” Derek says. “It makes you human.” 

You smile a little. 

“And for the record, I don’t want you to leave. And I don’t think Jack and Hotch do, either.” 

A little incredulous laugh leaves you. Derek simply smiles, but doesn’t say much else. It makes your point for you. 

Nobody else knows you like this team. 

+++

The hardest days are the ones where you end up by yourself. Derek’s picked up kickboxing with Penelope, Spencer has withdrawn almost entirely, JJ has her family, and Rossi retreats to the cabin by the lake with an alarming degree of regularity. 

Thank God he’s not as cranky as Gideon. 

That would be too spooky. 

Everyone is out of the office, scattered to their respective distractions. You sit on the floor of Aaron’s office, leaning against his desk. Your laptop sits open in front of you, but you’re only half paying attention to the movie playing. 

It was only this afternoon you realized his office smelled more like stale paper, your house, and Tiger Balm than Aaron, and it broke your heart a little. Your only solace was his apartment - the evidence of his existence was inescapable there. With Emily gone for good, you often needed the reminder. 

His office phone rings. You pause the movie, stand, and answer it. 

“Agent Hotchner’s office.” 

NSA is on the other side, dry and professional. “We have an incoming call from Agent Hotchner. Is Agent Morgan available?” 

You tell him he’s not, but that you’re the next in line to receive task force updates. In an equally dry and professional tone, you relay your credentials and your unique intel code. 

“Thank you. Please stand by.” Click. 

You roll your eyes. 

God, they’re boring. 

Sitting down at Aaron’s desk, you wait for the armed guard to arrive with the phone. As per protocol, you’ll sign for the call and remove it from the lockbox yourself. You’ll return it for pickup when the call is completed. 

The guard shows up and you step through the motions, finally getting the phone to your ear. 

“Hey.” 

“Oh, it’s you.” He sounds surprised, but not displeased. 

You laugh a little. “Yeah, it’s me. Morgan’s unavailable at the moment.” 

“I see. Is Jack feeling any better?”

“Yeah. He’s been alright for about a week now. It was a pretty nasty bug, but he’s a trooper. Any new chatter down your way?” You trace the wood grain of his desk with your finger, only a little absent-minded. 

“There’s a little bit of activity on the border. We’re monitoring the situation. Is everything going okay over there?”

“Yeah, for the most part. We’ve been feeling the heat a little since Seaver transferred to Andy’s unit, but we’re managing alright. Dave’s called JJ back in to lend a hand, and she’s doing really well.” 

He hums. “That was a smart idea.” 

“I’ll tell him you said so.” 

“Oh, please don’t. It’ll go straight to his head.” 

You smile. “Fair point. Any updates on the timetable?”

When are you coming home? Please make it soon. 

“Not at the moment. I think we’re getting closer. Few more weeks.” There’s something behind his voice you can’t quite grasp, but you let it go. 

“Alright. Keep us posted.” 

“Will do. You know the drill.” 

“I sure do. I’ll relay the information to the team, tell your son you love him, and talk to you in a couple of weeks.” 

You can almost hear his smile. “Exactly. Talk soon.”

“Be safe, Aaron.” 

“Hey, before you go,” he says. “Can you, um -” 

You smile, tracing the wood grain on his desk. “I’ll tell Haley you said Happy Birthday.”

“Thanks.”

+++

Jess’s hand only shakes a little as she lights the candle and holds the cupcake between the three of you. While she takes care of the cake and begins to sing with Jack, you hold the camera, filming the impromptu party so Aaron can see it when he comes home.

“Okay, Jack you have to help Mom blow out the candle,” Jess says, holding the cupcake in front of him. With a great amount of glee, Jack extinguishes the candle with a big breath and a laugh. 

You turn the camera on Jess, who says, “We couldn't let Haley’s forty-first go unrecognized - she’s officially old and we had to let her know.” 

With a laugh of your own, you turn the camera around and wave before turning it off. 

“Can I eat the cake now?” Jack asks. 

Jess nods, pulling the candle and setting it aside on your picnic blanket. “Of course, but after we eat some fruit, okay? I don’t want the ants to get to the basket before you do.” 

The July sunshine beats down on the three of you, picnicking beside Haley’s resting place. It is, in fact, her forty-first birthday. You can only imagine the look on her face she would have adopt when you reminded her of her age. 

“Oh please,” she’d say. “When you get to be as old as me, you’ll never hear the end of it.” 

Jack sits in the sun, munching on a little apple slice. You reach over, rubbing a little splotch of sunscreen into his skin. He already has a little sunburn from your adventure to the District earlier in the week and you’re not about to make your life even harder. 

Aaron’s absence, even in its fourth month, is glaring. Jack has mostly stopped waking in the middle of the night looking for him and having regular meltdowns, but he always looks up when the front door opens with an expectant look that breaks your heart. He’s an adaptable kid, but months without contact from his father have taken their toll. If you’re honest, it surprised you a little bit. 

With a little bit of perspective, months are different than days, or even a week or two. Jack relies on Aaron more than you realized and the difficulty of helping Jess where you can has only further illuminated your ignorance.

“Will Mom always have a birthday?” Jack asks. 

Jess looks over at him. “What do you mean?”

He thinks for a moment, a little pensive. “I mean, because she’s not here. Do people who aren’t here still have birthdays?” 

“They do,” she replies. “That’s why we have to celebrate for them. They aren’t here, but it’s still special.” 

He nods, a kind of understanding look on his face that makes you think he knows exactly what that means. 

+++

“Yeah?”

You smile. It’s been a minute since you heard his voice, over the phone or otherwise. “Hey, Dr. Reid. How’s Vegas?”

“Hot. But it’s nice to be home.”

“How’s your mom?” You trace aimless patterns over the mat on Aaron’s desk, watching the suede imprint and erase as you go.

He sighs. “She’s alright. I think she’s about ready to kick me out, though.”

“It’s only been three weeks,” you laugh. “Surely you can make yourself useful?”

“I sent in her most recent publication to the journal, so I’ve outgrown my use until I find her a new thesis.”

You can almost see it - the two geniuses, mother and son, bickering over a game of chess or fourteenth-century novel. “Better find her a new thesis, then.”

Spencer’s thin smile is audible through the phone. “Guess so. How are things over there?”

“It’s a little hectic. It’s just me, JJ, Morgan, and Rossi now. Penelope’s still working with us regularly, but counter-terrorism keeps pulling her for ‘special projects,’ whatever that means.”

You don’t mean to guilt him into coming back or anything - you know he needs the time to recharge. He’ll come back when he wants to or feels he needs to but at this point, there’s hardly a difference between four and five agents on the team. You need Aaron. And Emily.

“With the amount of summer task forces coalescing, that doesn’t surprise me.” He pauses. “I’ll probably spend a few more weeks here unless there are any developments between now and then.”

By developments, you know it means any confirmed sighting of your target. “That sounds like a plan. We’ll be glad to have you back but take your time. You’ve more than earned it.”

“Thanks.”

+++ august 2011 +++

“How’s Jack?” 

“He’s doing alright,” you tell him. “He misses you.” 

I miss you.

Aaron sighs. There isn’t time for everything he wants to say, even less for the things he could. “I’m probably going to miss his first day.” 

“That’s what I figured.” It's hard to think about and probably going to be harder than you can imagine, especially if there’s a case that takes you away from home. “Jess will take lots of pictures and I’m sure he’ll be happy to tell you all about it when you get home.” 

It’s hard to keep the bitterness from your voice, but neither one of you could have anticipated this would go on for this long. ‘Over the summer’ seems a little abstract until the end of the summer arrives. 

This isn’t his fault. It isn’t. You know that. 

But it’s his fault for going in the first place. 

Conceptual anger isn’t useful. That’s another thing of which you’re keenly aware. 

And yet…

“Thank you for being there for them,” he says, as if he’s reading your mind. “I know this isn’t easy.” 

There’s nothing you can really say, but you hum anyway. 

The pair of you are just eating satellite time now, so you say goodbye and good luck before tipping your head back against his office chair. 

When the tears slip down your cheeks, you’re not sure if you miss him more than you’re mad at him or the other way around. 

+++

“Chief Strauss?” You knock lightly on her door and she beckons you in, just finishing up a phone call. She gestures to the little sitting area in the corner of her office, and you make yourself comfortable on one of the couches.

She hangs up and joins you. “Have you thought more about the offer?”

“I have. Thank you for your patience. I know it’s been a little while since we first spoke about it.”

Erin waves her hands, brushing off the implied apology. “The BAU’s work in the last few weeks has been exemplary. I’m impressed, especially considering the significant funding and personnel obstacles you’re facing at the moment.”

You laugh a little.  “I hope that doesn’t make anyone think working with this many people is acceptable, ma’am.”

“No,” she assures you. “I’ve made that very clear.”

There’s a small moment of silence before you speak again.

“I won’t be accepting the position in Los Angeles.”

Strauss sighs but doesn’t look surprised. “That’s as I expected. I will, however, add something that I did not share with you before to further inform your choice.”

You sit up a little straighter, a little more attentive.

“The push for a transfer is also in an effort to protect your reputation. I know the BAU has continued investigating Ian Doyle and while that is noble, it could go very wrong. And that much is above my head. DHS, ATF, NSA - they could all be upset by your unofficial involvement. This could go as high as Congress and could result in your permanent termination from the bureau, making you ineligible for work in federal law enforcement.”

“Yes, ma’am. High risk, high reward.” You shrug. “Or at least, that’s what Dr. Reid tells me.”

A wan smile pulls at her mouth. “Yes. As long as you’re comfortable with the consequences.”

“I am, ma’am.”

“Good.”

+++ september 2011 +++

“Alright, buddy! You ready to go?” 

Jack adjusts the straps on his little backpack while Jess finishes putting his lunch together. “I’m ready. Just need lunch.” 

“It’s right here!” Jess says, bringing his Captain America lunchbox to him and strapping it to the outside of his backpack. “You’ve got a ham and cheese sandwich, a juice box, some carrots, and a brownie. Does that sound okay?” 

He nods. 

“And if it’s not enough, we can always get some more food after school okay? It can be a special treat.” 

Jack grins and you all head off to the car together. 

+++

The little meltdown arrives when you and Jess move to leave him at the door of his classroom. Jack’s brown eyes get wide and rapidly fill with tears as soon as you take a step away from him. 

“Jack, baby, c’mere.” You drop to your knee and open your arms. He steps into them and you can feel his shaky, hiccuping breaths against your shoulder. 

While you hold him, you hear Jess debriefing his new teacher about their current situation, and the way things are in general. Dad in Pakistan, dead mom, goes by Jack rather than Jonathan, the whole nine. 

“You are so brave,” you whisper into his hair. “You are so smart. You are a good friend and you are safe.” 

He nods. 

“I’m so sorry your dad can’t be here, honey, but he’s going to be so excited to hear all about it as soon as he gets home. And I'll tell him how brave you are on our next secret superhero phone call.” 

‘Secret superhero phone call’ was the best way you could describe using the sat phone (and why Jack couldn't talk to Aaron himself) so you just went with it. 

Jack nods again, sniffling a little and pulling back. You reach for him, wiping his tears with your thumbs. 

“I love you so much, bud.” 

“I love you, too.” 

You kiss his forehead, reminding him, “I might have to get on a plane for work, but otherwise I’ll see you after you’re done with your first-ever day of school, okay? This is so exciting!”

He finally smiles, and your work is done. When he steps into the classroom, he doesn’t look back.

+++

Thankfully, you’re not pulled for another case until the end of the week, so you’re able to see Jack through his first-ever week of school. 

It hits you more than once that you’re the person next to Jess right now while he hits these milestones. Long gone is that toddler that would giggle in his mother’s arms as she danced around the living room to Hall and Oates. In his place is an insightful little boy with a rapidly burgeoning sense of humor and a wickedly kind smile. 

You love him.

+++ 

The entire team got an emergency call, so you're all gathered in the roundtable room when Aaron walks in, looking all the worse for wear and -

Is that a beard?

Wait. He’s back. 

You just spoke to him on Monday, with news of a “few more weeks,” even in the face of developments on the Doyle case.

Fucking bastard knew he was coming home, didn’t he?

All of your joy in seeing him evaporates, and you narrow your eyes at him. Just like the last time you were in this room together, there’s an apology in his gaze. 

“Welcome back.” Derek doesn’t sound surprised, and your head whips toward him. He doesn’t look at you. 

Unbelievable. 

“Thanks. Everyone, have a seat.” You follow Aaron’s instructions, and sit, crossing your arms. It’s childish, sure, but the balance of personal and professional life has flown out the window. 

This feels like a personal slight, rather than a professional one. You try to push it away, but it lingers in your sternum like a lit flare. It’s uncomfortable, and you hate it. 

“Why?” Derek sounds a little concerned. Your anger cools a little bit. Derek doesn't actually know anything. “What’s going on? Is everything alright?”

“Seven months ago I made a decision that affected this team.” You notice, brow furrowed, that JJ stands beside Hotch like an ally. They both have odd looks on their faces. “As you all know, Emily had lost a lot of blood after her fight with Doyle.”

No. 

“The doctors were able to stabilize her. She was airlifted from Boston to Bethesda under a covert exfiltration.” 

No. 

“Her identity was strictly need-to-know. She stayed there until she was well enough to travel. She was reassigned to Paris, where she was given several identities, none of which we had access to for her security.” 

No. 

There’s silence, and you can’t tear your eyes from Aaron.  

“She’s alive?”

“We buried her...” 

Penelope and Spencer’s comments rush past you and you feel much like you did in the waiting room on that horrible, horrible night seven months ago. 

“As I said, I take full responsibility for the decision. If anyone has any issues, they should be directed toward me.” 

His eyes finally meet yours, and you find your vision blurred. You blink away your tears. 

It was a necessary lie. 

You go into this business expecting to be lied to. 

Not by Aaron. 

That’s not the issue and you know it. He left. 

He missed Jack’s first day of school. He was gone for five months. 

He left us. 

“Any issues?” Derek’s disbelief is marred by hurt, but you can’t reassure him through your own shock. “Yeah, I got issues.”

He’s cut off by Penelope’s glance toward the doorway. 

The team, save for JJ and Hotch, rushes toward her. You’re stuck to your seat until she approaches you. At her touch, you come back to life, throwing yourself into her arms. Her name sounds strangled leaving your mouth. “Emily.”

“I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry.” Her grip on you is tight, but your arms, looped around her shoulders, don’t feel like they’re attached to your body. 

She lets you go and continues to speak. Derek’s frozen, and you can’t imagine for a minute what’s going on in his head. Emily wraps around him. He’s stock still, his eyes misty. You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding when he brings his hand to her shoulder, his cheek falling onto the side of her head. 

It’s back to business faster than you can blink, and now you’re sure you’re not the only one ready to kill Aaron where he stands. Derek is livid. 

They stare at each other while Spencer starts asking questions. Eventually, they focus back. Aaron crosses to you, contributing where necessary. 

You don’t acknowledge him. It’s horrible. You hate being so angry with him, but there’s nothing to be done. 

You can’t be upset at him about Emily. There’s too much to understand, and yet the initial shock of it is like a never-ending bucket of cold water poured over your body. 

Selfishly, you realize you’re upset with him because he didn’t tell you he was coming home. It’s so small when there are other, much bigger, issues to address. 

Emily’s lie is professional. Just part of the job. This one feels personal.

You’re a child. Let it go. 

He knew and he left. 

He missed Haley's birthday.

He knew and he left. 

He shouldn't have gone. 

He didn’t tell you he was coming home.

[hit-em-with-the-four]

Lifetime of Waiting *Chapter 7*

Anthony Beauvillier and Mathew Barzal X Original Female Character

*smut in the chapter* TW: Mentions of death and Covid

(I’m a whore and cannot stop writing smut alongside with the other content but I’ll try to tone it down. Enjoy!)

Chapter 7

“So you’re going back to British Columbia? And you’re going to Quebec and I’m going to be here?” Tessa asks sitting across from her two soulmates in disbelief.

“You’re not coming with one of us?!” Mat asks.

“Was I asked? No, I have a life here and I can’t just be assumed to come with you two always. I have to be asked and you have to ask.”

“Would you like to come?” Tito asks.

“Well considering I have a life, no I can’t.”

“It’s a worldwide pandemic Tess, we’re not letting you stay here. What if you die?” Mat pipes in.

“So what if I die then? So what? Oh well, nothing we can do.” The two men look at each other in alarm.

“You can’t just say that Tessa, you are not going to die and we’re not going to let you.”

“So what if I die. With this pandemic there’s a chance I’ll die, you’ll die, your teammates could die, Anise could die. Death is going to be a part of this and I understand that it’s normal. I wish death is painless but it’s not and we can’t worry. What if this is the last little bit we ever see of each other? What if I die when you guys are gone.”

“That won’t happen, come with us. Or split time between the two of us.” Anthony says.

“I wanna cry or scream or die or anything to feel. I am so so scared guys. I am living in the states, I’ve been around for too long to not be afraid.” Tessa can’t look the two men in the eye. Anthony moves towards her and she flinches away. “Don’t, I don’t want to be held or talked to like I’m fragile guys. I don’t want to, so do not pity me. I am scared and you two aren’t getting it.”

“We get it Tessa, we do. I promise everything is going to be okay, we are going to make sure that you are safe and nothing is going to happen.”

“I don’t want to die.” She cries, her body shaking with sobs. Mat and Anthony look at each other both hearts breaking equally as quickly.

“Tess, you’re not going to die. Can we take you to bed to cuddle you?” She wraps her arms around herself and shakes her head.

“No, I don’t want to be comfortable. I want to feel Mat. I want to feel pain, feel anything because all I feel is nothing since this whole pandemic started. People are dying, what if I am dying, what if I get it.” She’s not making any sense her body racked with sobs, panic rising in her system. She slides to the floor in a heap. “I-I can’t breathe, help.” Anthony comes behind her and holds her to his chest. Mat kneels in front of her and takes her hands into his.

“Okay I need you to look at me Baby girl. Focus on me and my breathing, look at my eyes. Focus,” Mat says rubbing his thumbs over the tops of her hands.

“Matty, help me.” Anthony kisses the back of her head.

“In and out, mirror us please. Everything is going to be okay.” Tessa reaches out and attaches herself to Mat’s body.

“You’re okay Tessy, I promise.” Anthony soothes as him and Mat have a silent conversation to move to his bedroom. Mat scoops her up and easily walks with her to Anthony’s room. Once situated Mat is on one side and Anthony on the other. Tessa is slowly calming down being wrapped not only in blankets but in the arms of her soulmates.

“We will not let anything happen, if anything Canada is safer for you.”

“Okay, I’ll go. I’ll split the time, half with Matty and half with Tito.” She shrugs. “But you two have to promise me that you’ll be safe and you won’t let me take away from time with your families.”

“You’re our family too.” Tessa takes a deep breath calming her fast beating heart and lets her eyes close.

“I mean your brother and sister, your parents, grandparents! Please don’t let me take time away from them. I will come with you but I want you to spend time together with them.”

“Deal.” Mat says and Tito agrees.

So the three made plans to go to Canada. Tessa helps the boys split her time between the two. She plans to stay a month with each just to begin. So April 14th to May 14th with Mat and May 15th to June 15th with Tito. She knew this was going to do a number on them but she knew that they could handle it. They would figure it out and get through it.

“Okay so Mathew, we’re leaving in two days for a month. Anthony I’ll be with you for a month as well okay? If anything happens or we have to change it we can. Now, I don’t want you two having issues with it okay? Does that make sense?”

“Do we have a choice?” Anthony asks.

“No, deal with it.”

“But what if I get horny?”

“Then you call me and I’ll help you deal with that. If I get horny because between you and me, I don’t know how the fuck you were made but it makes me want to be on you all the time. You could just give me a look and I’d drop to my knees right there.” She shrugs turning around to clean up her random papers she had thrown across the table. The boys smirk and shake their head.

“What look?” Mat asks pressing himself against her back.

“Not now, I need to go home and pack.” She gulps zipping up her bag.

“No, I think you need to answer him Little one.” Anthony chuckles looking at her darkly. She shakes her head and rolls her eyes.

“No, that’s not going to work.”

“Did you just roll your eyes at me?” He asks and Mat runs his hand up her torso to grab her neck. She gasps and her head falls back.

“No.” Mat chokes a bit harder.

“No what?” Anthony asks.

“I think you better answer him Tess.” Mat whispers nipping at her ear softly. She whines low in her throat.

“No Daddy.” Mat releases her throat and she huffs grabbing it again stopping his hand from fully leaving her. “Don’t leave please, keep it there.” She sucks his thumb into her mouth swirling her tongue around it, pleasing her oral fixation.

“Such a good little slut aren’t you? Just want whatever we can give you?” She moans, nodding in agreement. Tessa relishes in the feeling of having the two of them take care of her and just being there.

“So, what should we do to her?”

“Okay, I guess I can stay for just a bit.” She shrugs dropping her hand from Mat’s arm.

“I want to eat her out, I think she needs to relax a bit.” Mat smirks against her neck nipping at it softly.

“Sir please, Mat I need it.”

“Oh, I know you do. You’ve just been so wound up lately, come lay on the couch.” Anthony sits down and pats his lap. Mat helps her strip out of her pants and panties. She climbs nervously into his lap and he wraps his legs around hers, holding her open for Mat. She looks up at him and he captures her lips in a fiery kiss. Mat takes her distraction as a good time to start. He starts by kissing the top of her pussy and down all the way to her hole before giving it a soft little lick. Tessa chokes on a moan that is quickly swallowed by Tito’s mouth.

“Fuck, you taste so sweet. I could spend forever between your legs.” Mat works her up to an orgasm and just as she’s about to bubble over he pulls back and softly strokes her legs as they shake.

“Relax, we’re just getting started.” He chuckles.

“You said that I deserved to relax, let me cum.”

“I did say that, however we’re playing by my rules and I say you aren’t relaxed enough.” He shakes his head in disapproval.

“No, Mat I’m sorry. I don’t wanna disappoint.” She whimpers.

“Babygirl, you know that’s not my name. You’re not disappointing me though, I just want you to enjoy your orgasm and the work up.”

“Fuck,” her head lulls back on Anthony’s shoulder and he chuckles kissing her forehead. Mat slides two thick fingers in her pussy and curls up gently rubbing against the little bud inside Tessa. “Fuck, Mat don’t stop. Please, don’t stop.” Her hips buck wildly. He pushes her close to the edge and stops again removing his hands. She growls and lurches forward at him.

“You’re a fucking dick, why didn’t you let me cum?!” She huffs panting. Mat smirks and chuckles leaving feather touches on her thighs, close to her pussy.

“Shhhh baby.” Tessa lurches out of Anthony’s grip and pushes Mat to the floor holding his hands above his head. He looks at her in surprise.

“You fuck me and make me cum or so help me I am going to go to the bathroom, lock the door and make myself cum without you. You would only get to hear my moans,” she growls feeling desperate and undone and Mat interlocks their hands flipping her around so he’s on top.

“Oh yeah? So cute when you try to be dominant.” He chuckles, his breath tickling her face. His hair tousled and messed up from messing around. Mat leans down and sucks roughly on her neck marking his territory. Tessa’s hands tense and she fights to touch him.

“No, keep your hands there.” Anthony commands from the couch, watching Tessa struggle under Mat. She whines.

“You’re not in charge here boys.” She says and she feels Mat’s thigh wedge itself between her legs pushing roughly into her clit. Her hips involuntarily buck up into his knee.

“Oh yeah? Because your body says something different. Come on, just give in. Give into what your body desires, if you give in we’ll let you cum.”

“You were mean, fuck you.” She bites.

“Oh you’re gonna regret that! Come on.” He stands up and throws her over his shoulder taking her to his bed, Tito following on his tail.

“Put me down you barbarian!” Tessa smacks his back. He spanks her, effectively stilling her moves.

“One second babe.” He chuckles throwing her down on the bed. “Edge of the bed now.” He commands. She obeys and gets on her hands and knees.

“I’m gonna fuck you and Tito is gonna fuck your face. We’re not going to stop until your brattiness is gone.”

“I’m not being a brat though.” She chuckles sticking her tongue out. Anthony slides near her mouth with his cock in his hand.

“Put that mouth to use and suck ange.” His hand in her hair was soft compared to what his and Mat’s other actions were. She practically melts when she reaches his blue eyes staring down into hers.

“Yes Daddy.” She breathes licking her lips.

“Good girl.” She whimpers taking him into her mouth. Behind her Mat spanks her watching her ass jiggle before he’s rubbing his tip up and down her slit. Tessa subconsciously tries to push back on his cock.

“Stay still and I’ll give you what you want.” Mat grunts. She bobs her head up and down on Anthony’s cock before going down all the way so he hits her throat. She gags but keeps down there, breathing through her nose and attempting to relax.

“Fuck…” Anthony trails off and Mat thrusts into her causing her to take Anthony impossibly deep. She pulls off with a gag, drooling dripping down her face. She takes a few deep breaths and Anthony is pushing down again. Her mind goes clear and she feels a haze start to form over her mind as she focuses on the overwhelming sensations between her two men. Mat somas his hard cock into her dripping pussy. She moans around Anthony’s cock causing him to thrust a little rougher in her mouth.

“Holy fuck that feels amazing… shit baby don’t stop.” He grunts gripping her hair in his hands. She hums lazily looking up at him through her lashes. She bobs her head and jerks what she can’t fit in her mouth and it isn’t long until he’s cumming down her throat. She swallows and keeps sucking before Anthony tries to take it out of her mouth. She whines, her mouth feeling empty.

“Aww does the poor baby not like having her pretty little mouth full.” She nods and Anthony takes pity on her letting two of his fingers slide into her mouth. She lets her eyes close and focuses on the sensations coursing through her.

[scotianostra]

25th of April each year marks  ANZAC Day.

Anzac Day is always marked on 25 April because it is the anniversary of the Gallipoli landings during the First World War.

On 25th April 1915, Anzacs joined the Allied Forces and entered the First World War, launching an expedition to the Gallipoli peninsula.  Among the battalions of the British 29th Division that took heavy casualties were 1st King's Own Scottish Borderers, a regular battalion, and 1/5th Royal Scots, a Territorial unit

The plan was to capture the land and gain access to the Dardanelles, a thin strip of water between Gallipoli and mainland Turkey.

It was a key location, as capturing it would have meant Allied ships would be able to get through to the Black Sea, and also Constantinople (now Istanbul, Turkey), the then capital of the Ottoman Empire, which was fighting alongside the Germans.

But while the attack was supposed to be a surprise and victory achieved quickly, the fighting continued for eight months and finished in a stalemate, with huge losses on both sides. Of the 56,000 Allied troops who died, 8,709 were from Australia, and 2,721 from New Zealand.

Australia marks Anzac Day with marches by veterans, as well as serving members of the Australian Defence Force and Reserves, allied veterans, Australian Defence Force Cadets and Australian Air League.

New Zealand marks the day in a similar way, with marches attended by the New Zealand Defence Force, the New Zealand Cadet Forces, members of the New Zealand Police, New Zealand Fire Service and Order of St John Ambulance Service.

Paper poppies are worn as symbols of remembrance, as they are on Remembrance Sunday in the UK and other Commonwealth countries.

Australians gathered for dawn services on Monday morning, the return to full-scale commemorations for the first time since 2019 due to the covid pandemic.

Eric Bogle is a Scottish folk singer-songwriter. Born and raised in Scotland, he emigrated to Australia at the age of 25, he wrote this song in 1971....

And the Band Played Waltzing Matilda

Now when I was a young man, I carried me pack, And I lived the free life of a rover From the Murray’s green basin to the dusty outback, Well, I waltzed my Matilda all over. Then in 1915, my country said “Son, It’s time you stopped rambling, there’s work to be done”. So they gave me a tin hat, and they gave me a gun, And they marched me away to the war.

And the band played Waltzing Matilda As the ship pulled away from the quay And amidst all the cheers, the flag-waving and tears, We sailed off for Gallipoli.

And how well I remember that terrible day, How our blood stained the sand and the water And of how in that hell that they called Suvla Bay, We were butchered like lambs at the slaughter. Johnny Turk he was waiting, he’d primed himself well He showered us with bullets and he rained us with shell And in five minutes flat, he’d blown us all to hell Nearly blew us right back to Australia.

But the band played Waltzing Matilda, When we stopped to bury our slain. We buried ours, and the Turks buried theirs Then we started all over again.

And those that were left, well we tried to survive, In that mad world of blood, death and fire And for ten weary weeks, I kept myself alive Though around me the corpses piled higher Then a big Turkish shell knocked me arse over head And when I woke up in me hospital bed, And saw what it had done, well I wished I was dead Never knew there was worse things than dying.

For I’ll go no more waltzing Matilda All around the green bush far and free To hump tent and pegs, a man needs both legs No more waltzing Matilda for me.

So they gathered the crippled, the wounded, the maimed And they shipped us back home to Australia The legless, the armless, the blind, the insane Those proud wounded heroes of Suvla And as our ship pulled into Circular Quay, I looked at the place where me legs used to be And thank Christ there was nobody waiting for me To grieve, to mourn, and to pity.

But the band played Waltzing Matilda As they carried us down the gangway But nobody cheered, they just stood and stared Then they turned all their faces away.

And so now every April, I sit on me porch, And I watch the parade pass before me. And I see my old comrades, how proudly they march Reviving old dreams of past glories And the old men march slowly, old bones stiff and sore They’re tired old heroes from a forgotten war And the young people ask “What are they marching for?” And I ask meself the same question.

But the band plays Waltzing Matilda And the old men still answer the call, But as year follows year, more old men disappear Someday no one will march there at all.

Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda, who’ll come a-waltzing Matilda with me? And their ghosts may be heard as they march by that billabong Who’ll come a-waltzing Matilda with me?

[randomguywithwords]

Author’s Note about ATDS and me, I guess

I left off at chapter 25 around last year in January, I think? I faced the usual problems that writers face. Writer’s block and in particular, writing a romantic atmosphere.

Not to seem pitiful, but I am single and have been for basically forever. I was briefly in a relationship with someone I liked but we never made it official, and eventually things went sour and cold after graduating. In terms of romantic experiences, I had little in my pocket to draw from. So that made writing c25 and c26 extra hard (and just the story from that point on since the couple had finally become a couple).

On top of that it wasn’t a conventional couple. Both didn’t have experience with being in love, having a normal adolescence where they would conventionally discover themselves and their affections for others. So I did a lot of thinking about how society shapes our thoughts as well as a primal desire to show and receive love. I briefly wondered whether I was getting in way over my head, but eventually I just said fuck it, I’ll put it in. I don’t know whether people could see it they way I did. I still don’t.

Another thing was Hawks’ death, which I had always planned. Honestly his death scene was one of the only chapters which I was satisfied with. I wanted him to go out with a fight worthy of the no.2 hero. I hope I did him justice, and the aftermath befitting the state of emergency.

It should be noted that I was being a procrastinating asshole that should have skipped the romance part which I was having issues with and begin writing the parts I could (ie, the hawks Shigaraki fight scene).

And I’ll briefly touch on what I’ve been doing this year and a half. I did a part time as admin at an office, started my 2-year, still ongoing, mandatory conscription into the government service. Doing admin work at an agency right now after a 2.5 month basic training from last year April to June.

On some days I was busy as hell, and on other days I did have time to write, but again, procrastination. I did feel guilty; I still do. But the human mind does wonders in justifying your self-centredness.

And I know at the end of the day, it is my story that I choose to share. But like with YouTubers, streamers and celebrities, amateur or professional, it is a two way street in some aspects. And I failed to deliver.

I chose to go into radio silence mainly because I felt guilty. I did want to post things but after not uploading anything for so long and breaking promises, I felt that I shouldn’t act like nothings happening by just posting other stuff that wasn’t ATDS.

I broke it nearing the end of 2021 because I genuinely thought I could finish the story by then. I had written up to ch.30 at that point and figured I had maybe 3-4 left. But eventually I realised I had more to write and forcing it to end in that time wouldn’t make it a satisfying ending for anyone.

But it is worth noting that I probably had an unconscious mentality to just finish it, the same way I think Horikoshi is feeling towards BNHA right now. So if that made its way into the chapters that you notice, it’s probably why.

I wish I did have the patience to just write it all out the way I originally envisioned it, but after brainstorming alternative endings and plot progressions I guess I kept the pieces that were faster than others.

I don’t think the plot is completely messy, but I’m not in any way a good judge of that. Obviously the storyline would make sense to me. I wrote the thing. I hope that I’ve managed to translate these thoughts into coherent writing.

Another thing that pushed me to finish writing was that I wanted to start on other projects. Already I doomed myself by starting that 3 part Kamijirou fic that I still want to finish, as well as Thanks For The Assist, that MonoKendou fic.

Not to mention other ideas in other fandoms. Which brings me to Genshin, wherein I spent a lot of my time on. I have ideas I want to flesh out, so I told myself to finish ATDS first before doing all that.

I can’t blame you if you’re disappointed that this is why I took so long. I feel the same towards myself. Sorry.

Regarding the rest of the ATDS, obviously I’m finishing it. If it wasn’t clear. But giving a timeframe when I’m so volatile in my writing schedule and mental state isn’t a great idea. Didn’t work out the last time I gave a deadline for myself.

I guess that’s all from me about this.

[moldisgoodforyou]

march madness

this is dedicated to @sunnypogue​ and @oopmyheartwent-obx​ because they’re the homies and I said so 

wordcount: 2.2k

warnings: cursing, I didn’t edit this for shit, mentions of sexual situations

____

Every year, the Delt house held a March Madness bracket competition. There were cash prizes involved and it was taken extremely seriously, only significant others were also invited to participate (no hookups allowed, unless the hookup was consistent enough to stick around through the end of the tournament in April). James was in charge this year as brotherhood chair and was taking it to the next level, upping the buy-in and scheduling several watch parties throughout the month. 

When Rafe casually let it slip that he was participating, Sophie’s interest was piqued right away. They were all hanging out in his room, Sophie’s legs draped across his lap while Rafe kept a constant touch on her ankle, her calf, anything.

“Can I do it with you guys?”

“Well...” Rafe trailed off, trying to think of any excuse possible. He knew Sophie’s competitive nature to a tee and was already predicting the fight that’d come of it.

Unfortunately for him, James loved nothing more than seeing Rafe lose in the tournament every year. “Yeah, of course you can. Why not?”

Rafe winced and Sophie caught it immediately, furrowing her brow. “Yeah, Rafe, why not?”

“No reason.” He squeezed her ankle and gave her a little smile. She merely raised her eyebrows back, skeptical, and started googling on her phone, pulling up a few sites.

“What are you looking for?” Rafe asked, leaning over to see.

She quickly moved her phone out of his reach. “None of your business.”

“Sophie, c’mon.”

“Jeez, Sophie, is he always this whiny?” Colin teased and Sophie laughed, clicking her phone off. “You should know, you live with him.”

“Nah. He’s different around you. Softer.” James reached over and ruffled Rafe’s hair, causing a mini scuffle between them.

“Yeah, see, he’s always aggressive with us.” Colin pointed out.

“He could stand to be a tiny bit more aggressive with me.” Sophie mumbled under her breath with a smirk, just loud enough so only Rafe could barely make out what she said. He whipped around, eyes wide. “What did you say?”

She grinned and batted her eyelashes innocently. “Nothing. When can we fill out our brackets?”

“They’re due in three days.” James told her, handing her an extra blank bracket from his desk. Sophie accepted it with a thank you and stood, not before kissing Rafe on the cheek. “Looks like I have some work to do then.”

“It’s not that complicated, Soph, you can just pick it on, like, jersey colors or mascots or whatever.” Rafe told her carelessly. She kept up with Ohio State sports and knew the rules of the game, but didn’t really seem to care otherwise. She’d prioritize alone time in the architecture studio for big games sometimes, or study through a tailgate instead of watching the other games on air that day. What Rafe failed to remember is that she was also extraordinarily stubborn, and always determined to win.

“I’m not just going to throw my money away. I need to research.”

He laughed. “When have you ever researched before a game in your life?”

With that she flicked him in the head, scowling. “I’ve never needed to before. Have you filled yours out yet?”

Rafe went to bat her hand away a moment too late, letting out a little yelp. “Hey! No, I’m just going to fill out the day before. Let the experts help me out.” He gestured to the TV, where ESPN hosts droned on in the background. 

“Hm.” She gathered her things and Rafe leaned over, tugging at the sleeve of her jacket. “No, wait, stay. We can do it together, if you want?” 

“And let you cheat off me? Absolutely not.” She fixed him with a scrutinizing look. “Why, need someone to tell you whether the green or red team is better?”  

He laughed. “No, baby, I’m not just gonna wing it.” 

Even James could feel the annoyance radiating from Sophie in the moment and he face-palmed behind her back, anticipating her response. She frowned at Rafe, arms crossed. “So why would I just wing it?” 

“Well that’s - that’s not what I meant -” He hastily backtracked. 

“Smooth.” Colin muttered under his breath, shaking his head. She rolled her eyes. “I’m sure. Now if you’ll excuse me, darling, I have some work to do.” The pet name held absolutely no affection to it, hurled like an insult instead. 

“Darling? Huh? Sophie, I didn’t mean it like that -” Rafe started again and she leaned over, kissing him shortly to cut him off. “Sure you didn’t. When do we hand them in, James?” 

“6pm, Friday. Hard deadline.” He responded cheerfully. 

“I’ll have it to you tomorrow.” She grinned and gave them all a little wave before leaving, ignoring Rafe’s small noise of protest. It wasn’t til she had hardly stepped out of the house to walk home when she had three texts from James with individual links to stats from prior tournaments and comparisons of each team’s performances throughout the season. 

James: If Colin and I can’t knock his ass out, I’d want you to do it 

Sophie: :) I’ll accept the honor 

The next day, Rafe was entirely unbothered by Sophie’s participation in the bracket challenge, after she had reassured him that she was mainly teasing about his comments. She also knew the exact time the Bracketology show aired on ESPN, as well as the shows on other networks, and made it her mission to distract him at every opportunity possible. 

She was over again the next day while James and Colin were busy, so they had the room to themselves. Sophie had brought over her homework, like usual, and the two were just enjoying each other’s company for a while - until she noticed Rafe pull out his bracket, completely blank. “You’re not done yet?” 

“Huh? No, the ESPN show’s about to be on. Do you mind if I keep the volume low?” He reached for the remote. “That’s fine, I just have a few questions left on this.” She purposely made a show of stretching her arms high, the hem of her cropped sweater lifting just enough to show a flash of her lacy bralette. 

He stopped in his tracks, clearly eyeing her over. “Your sweater’s short.” 

She hid a smirk, giving him a confused look instead as she tugged the hem back down. “Is it?” 

“You said you have how many questions left?” Rafe tried curling his hand around her hip and pulling her close, but she swatted his hand away. “Just five, but they’re long answer.”  

“Just five.” He nodded to himself and turned the TV, remembering why he had gotten his bracket out in the first place. She kept her head down, working as she listened to the hosts’ banter for a few minutes. When they started actually getting into the bracket predictions, Sophie rolled her shoulders, then tilted her head to crack her neck. “Rafe?” 

“Mm?” He replied, half paying attention to her as he scribbled out some of the early game decisions. 

“Do you mind rubbing my shoulders? They’re killing me.”  

“Course not, c’mere.” He turned on the couch to face her, keeping the bracket and pen in his lap. 

She didn’t waste any time pulling the sweater over her head, letting it drop to the floor as she moved to sit closer to him. He laughed, loud. “What was that for?” 

Sophie glanced at him over her shoulder, moving her hair to expose her back fully. “Figured it’s easier to massage on bare skin than through a bulky knit sweater.” 

She had fully captured his attention now, and he ran a finger down her spine, grinning. “Just a shoulder rub?” She was glad to be facing away from him, unable to hide her eye roll. “Mind out of the gutter. Just a shoulder rub.” 

Rafe nodded but couldn’t resist placing a few kisses along her bare shoulder before massaging her shoulders, pressing hard. When she noticed his massage got weaker as he got more distracted by the TV, Sophie let out a breathy moan. It sounded horribly fake even to her ears, but got his attention right away. 

“Soph.” He warned. 

“Hm?” She questioned, wincing as she faced away from him, hoping she sounded innocent enough. 

Lucky for her, Rafe was pretty clueless to the motives of her game. “You can’t say just a shoulder rub then make sounds like that.” 

“Sorry, sorry.” She grinned. “I’ll be good for you.” 

“Sophie.” 

“Rafe.” She mimicked, turning back around and finally giving him an eyeful of her chest. He groaned and pulled her onto his lap immediately, hands going straight to her waist. “Sure you need to finish your homework?” 

She grinned. “How long are James and Colin gone for?” 

“Uh...” He glanced toward the door, at the TV, then at his watch. “We have an hour.” 

Sophie stood, blocking the TV, and held both her hands out. “Let’s take advantage of it then.”  

_ 

Her plan worked perfectly over the next three days, right up until the deadline for turning in the bracket. It laid forgotten on his desk while they made out on his bed, lazy kisses shared as their hands wandered. James barged in with only a single, split-second knock. “Hope you have your clothes on!” 

(They both did - they had almost been caught once and Sophie always triple checked the lock before taking her shirt off after that.) 

Rafe groaned and threw his pillow at James. “Give us a fucking warning, dude!” 

“Bracket’s due in five. You finished yet?” 

“Oh shit.” Rafe sat up immediately, glancing around for it. “No, I’ve been busy.” 

Sophie held back a smirk. “I think it’s on your desk.” 

“Did you ever finish yours, Soph?” Rafe asked as he got up to scramble for a pen. Unfortunately for him, she had taken all of them over the last few days - not a hard task, because he only owned four. 

“She turned hers in two days ago. It’s like, annotated and shit. You have four minutes now.” James tapped his watch, then decided to take pity on him and toss him a pen from his own desk. 

Rafe frowned, frantically filling out the bracket. “Annotated? With what?”  

She shrugged. “Stats to help me out.” Sophie leaned over, watching him fill out his choices. “Texas Tech is red and Purdue is gold, I think you should pick Purdue there. Gold is a fun color.” 

James snorted. “Two minutes, Cameron.” 

“Fuck, okay.” Rafe finished it quickly and handed it over, but Sophie grabbed it out of his hands first. 

“Wait, you picked Michigan to win? God, Rafe, do you have no loyalty?” She was violently offended, disbelieving of her eyes. 

“They’re a solid pick!” 

“They’re our fucking rivals!” 

He laughed and grinned, smug, as he remembered the nickname she had tried to use against him days earlier. “I’m playing to win here, darling. You didn’t seriously pick Ohio State to win, did you?” 

“I picked Villanova, thank you very little.” She narrowed her eyes at him.

“Oh.” He was surprised at her logical pick, which irked her even more. “Well, I don’t have the emotional attachment like you do here.” 

“You’d think two and a half years of school would be enough. Don’t need your parents as alumni to do that.” 

“She makes a point.” James chimed in, thoroughly entertained by the arguing, but made his way toward the door to collect other brackets. “Dude, you’ve had weeks to work on this, what happened?” 

“I don’t know, every time I’ve turned on ESPN to watch I...” He trailed off, thinking.

James shook his head and made his exit, making a point to securely shut the door behind him. 

Rafe finally put two and two together and pointed an accusing finger at Sophie. “You sabotaged me!” 

She grinned, giving herself up right away. “Yeah, what of it?” 

“That’s so low.” Rafe shook his head, scowling. 

Sophie laughed, sitting up on her knees and leaning forward to smirk at him. “Yeah? What are you gonna do about it?” 

He stood at the edge of the bed and placed both palms on her knees and slid them up her legs, leaning over her. “You don’t really think you’ll win, do you?”

“Might not, darling, but at least I’ll beat you. You screwed up on several brackets, by the way.” She met him with a kiss, nipping teasingly at his lower lip.

“Huh?” He mumbled against her lips. 

“Wichita State plays Marshall, not West Virginia, and Auburn plays Charleston. Not Clemson. So that’s already two games you’ve lost.” She grinned as he curled his fingers into her thighs and stood up on her knees to kiss him harder, locking her hands to rest behind his neck.  

“And you didn’t correct me once. I can’t believe you.” He slid one hand up to squeeze her ass, laughing when she let out a small squeak of surprise.  

“Cameron.” She tried pulling him down to the bed.

“What.” He didn’t budge, keeping a firm grip on her butt.

“Shut up and finish what you started.” 

“Yes ma’am.”

[alyasgf]

Teenage Rebellion -Adrinette April Day 2-5

Previous || Next

Summary- Marinette convinces Adrien to sneak out! Featuring a daring escape, Jagged Stone concert, André’s ice cream, game night, and cuddling!

Notes- knocking out 5 prompts in 1 because I’m late! Featuring prompts 2-5 rebellion, game night, best friends, and jagged stone! I decided to skip the commission prompt, at least for right now, which is why this was made :)

Side note! they know each others secret identities identity but Chat never officially said he had a crush on Ladybug. Therefore Marinette is fully aware of Adrien’s crush on her and is a huge flirt about it.

AO3

She had been trying to convince Adrien all day and if she kept using those faces he just knew he’d cave soon.

“I told you I can’t! I have a photoshoot and fencing practice Mari.” He said, avoiding her eyes.

“I barely got Jagged to give us these tickets last minute! And they’re backstage passes. Backstage Adrien. Picture it with me.” She pulled him in my his shoulders, looping her arm around him.

Adrien tried to suppress a chill and conserve his nerves. Her arm was around him. No big deal.

“Just you, me, the biggest rockstar in the world, and his huge pet alligator! Tell me its not worth your fathers wrath. You could even hide out at my place and spend the night! You wouldn’t have to deal with him until the next day.” She then turned to him, holding his shoulders and staring into his eyes.

“You have got to live a little Adrien. What’s the worst that could happen?”

And with that he caved.

“Fine what time is the concert.” He said, signing defeatedly.

“Yes!” Marinette pumped her first in the air and excitedly told him her plan.

————————

At exactly 3:01 pm the next day he heard tapping at his window.

“You’re late.” He said to the girl two stories down outside his window.

“By a minute, I think you’ll live. Now throw down your bag.”

“Nathalie will be coming to get me in 30 minutes. I need to be long gone.” He explained, throwing his tied lined of curtains down for her to hold still as he climbed.

“Be careful, we don’t have time to stop at a hospital due to a broken leg and I don’t need you getting rope burn or messing up that pretty face.” She teased.

“Oh shut up I’m trying to focus over here.” He struggled to get down without accidentally sliding.

“You’re taking too long! You’re more than halfway just jump I’ll catch you I promise.” She said, and when Adrien looked down she was tapping her watch.

“Are you insane? I don’t have a death wish Mari, just wait a second.”

It was at this moment she chose to start silently chanting jump.

“This is peer pressure you know!”

“Shut up and jump already.”

“No!”

“Jump!”

He jumped.

As he braced himself for the short fall he felt himself feel in soft, unsteady arms.

They both toppled to the ground laughing with the rush of adrenaline.

“You’d catch me huh.” He said once they calmed down.

They laid shoulder to shoulder in the grass heads turned to one another.

Before Marinette could come up with a witty reply they heard something that made them freeze.

“Adrien I heard noise whats going on in her-“

They turned up to see Nathalie’s head sticking out the window, a look of surprise in her eyes.

Adrien knew he was doomed. Still stood up and gave her pleading eyes with his hands formed in a prayer form.

“I didn’t see this. As far as I know you said you weren’t feeling good and I had to cancel your appointments. Understood?”

“Thank you thank you thank you!” Adrien said, beaming brighter than the sun.

“Does this mean we can go through the front gate?” Marinette asked sheepishly.

“What was your plan if you couldn’t?” Nathalie asked with a disappointed look.

“Sneak through unnoticed?” Marinette offered.

“Mari! You said you had a plan.” Adrien said turning to her with his arms crossed.

“I never said it was a good one.” She said shrugging.

Nathalie nodded and they went on their way.

Outside of the gate was Marinette’s bike and two helmets.

“Where am I supposed to get on?” Adrien asked, confused.

Then he saw Marinette eye the handlebars.

“No no no! Absolutely not!” He protested.

“Do you wanna see Jagged or not?”

Adrien rode on the handlebars.

—————————

“Marinette would you slow down! I don’t wanna fall off!”

“Watch your sharp turns!”

“Sidewalk! Sidewalk! Sidewalk!”

“Adrien, lean left I can’t see!”

“If I lean we’re gonna fall Mari!”

“Have a little faith in me!”

“Dear god help us.”

“Would you calm down drama queen!”

“Hey!”

They rode with his small suitcase on wheels dragging behind them, tied with a single rope Marinette had brought.

By the time they got to Marinette’s house Adrien had lost count of the near death experiences he had on that bike.

“Never again Marinette.” He huffed as he got off the bike with shaking legs.

“Bonding experience!” She said with a smirk.

She pulled him into the bakery. He said a quick hi to her parents before he was yanked over to the trapdoor.

“Hurry and put your stuff in my room. If we start running late we won’t have time to walk which would mean another fun bike ride Sunshine.”

“Marinette I would really like to see Jagged Stone in one piece if thats not to much to ask.” He huffed, climbing the trapdoor, throwing his suitcase in, and coming back down.

“Are we going or what?”

“Get ready for the time of your life Agreste.” She said in a way that lit Adrien’s heart on fire.

Adrien could get used to that tone.

—————————

By the time they left the concert Adrien wasn’t sure anything ever could top that day.

He and Marinette had spent the last 5 hours singing at the tops of their lungs front row at a Jagged Stone concert. They danced together and Adrien had never felt more alive.

Adrien bought them matching t-shirts (as a thank you to Marinette for getting the tickets, not because he thought they looked like a couple when they matched or anything.) When they went backstage to meet Jagged, he signed their shirts and gave them signed CDs and posters.

Needless to say they were on top of the world.

Marinette suggested they take the long way home because it was such a beautiful night, and who was Adrien to disagree?

Their luck led them to André and his magical ice cream.

“Oh I don’t know Adrien I don’t think i can finish an ice cream right now.” Marinette said, trying to pull them along.

“Then maybe we can share?” Adrien suggested nervously.

Marinette shrugged and Adrien took it as a yes. She decided to sit on a bench as Adrien went to get the ice cream.

“Hey André.” He greeted.

“Ah yes Adrien! I see you brought a girl! Would you like one to share with the lucky lady?” He asked while preparing his scoops.

“Yes please.” Adrien was curious what flavors he would get. He hoped it’d be something Marinette would like.

“Hmm... blackberry and peppermint. An explosive mix and thats a fact! But oftentimes it’s the opposites that attract." He said adding the flavors onto a cone. “What do you think?” He handed Adrien the ice cream.

“Perfect.” Adrien said, almost breathless. “Thank you so much André have a good night.” After paying him Adrien turned to Marinette.

She was sitting on a bench looking at some birds fight over bread. The sun was setting right behind her and it lit her up in the most beautiful way.

Adrien took out his phone to take a picture and just as he clicked it Marinette turned toward him. She had a soft look in her eyes that made the picture come out perfectly.

“Bring the ice cream over stalker.” She said with a giggle.

“Oh I thought you didn’t want it.” Adrien said teasingly as he took a large bite while the ice cream was still out of her grasps.

“Adriennnn.” She whined, and again Adrien caved.

“Oh fine.”

And they shared the ice cream walking home. And although both got sticky fingers and mouths from the melting mess, they wouldn’t have had it any other way.

—————————

“So what’s the plan now?” Adrien asked as they entered Marinette’s room. “I’ve never been to any sleepovers before so you’ll have to guide me.” He walked over to the chaise and sat down.

“Hold on I’m gonna grab some things.” She said rifling through the trunk at the foot of the lounge.

She ended up grabbing out a deck of Uno cards and Monopoly.

“The biggest tests of friendship known to mankind.” She brandished the boxes with a smirk. “So which one first?”

Marinette spent almost an hour trying to get a smooth game of Uno going but Adrien was pitiful. She almost felt bad for how hard he was getting beat. Almost.

After about 5 minutes of explaining Monopoly she gave up.

“You know what? Maybe this is for another time when we aren’t so tired from a day of excitement.” She said packing up the games. “Ultimate Mega Strike?”

“Oh I thought you’d never ask.” Adrien replied, bouncing up and down with anticipation.

“Wow I’ve never seen someone so excited to meet their doom.” Marinette smirked while turning on the TV and game.

“I could play circles around you any day, bug.”

“Then lets test it.” She challenged. “First to 10 wins picks the movie or show we watch after.”

“You’re so on.”

—————————

Adrien lost. Adrien lost bad.

Turns out what Marinette wants, Marinette gets. And what she really wanted was to rub that smug smile off of Adrien’s face.

Now there he sat with his jaw dropped.

“No way I only won one.” He stared in shock at the losing screen.

“Aww its okay Adrien.” She said condescendingly. “Since its your first sleepover you can still pick. Its only right.”

“I’m going to choose because I want to not only because you said I can you know.” Adrien said with scowl on his face and his arms crossed.

“Right.” Marinette let out a small fond laugh. “Im going to grab some blankets and change into my pjs downstairs. You change in here and I’ll knock before I come back. Cool?”

“Mari can we build a fort?” Adrien asked with childlike innocence just radiating off of him.

“Of course we can kitty.”

————————————

They stayed up until the early morning hours that night, building forts, watching anime, and talking.

Adrien took dozens of pictures to remember the moments because he swears its the most magical think he has ever experienced.

The next morning, Adrien awoke with a sleeping Marinette across from him. Her hair was sticking out in odd places. He could see her rise and fall with each breathe. He could hear her soft snores.

As he admired her, she opened her eyes and looked into his. He blushed, embarrassed for being caught staring.

Then in a whisper she said, “Are you a cuddler?”

Adrien nodded with wide eyes and a red face.

She then proceeded to move closer and lay her head on her chest. Adrien instinctively put his arms around her.

“Can we stay here a while longer?” She asked in the same whispered voice.

“Please.” Adrien whispered back.

If teenage rebellion always felt this good, he never wanted to stop.

End notes- Thinking of making a second part where Adrien tells Mari how he feels or where I actually write out the fort scene. Let me know which one you’d prefer and what you thought of the fic in the replies!

@adrinetteapril