#them feel heard. because chances are they needed a lot of courage to say it

[babbyspinchh]

ive lived almost all my life not wanting to worry people with my problems so i pushed them all far back, because they had other things to worry about. i didnt want to be making their life harder but now that i reached my repressing limit and started outwardly expressing to those closest to me that im struggling and that its hard , im met with carelesness and indifference. cleaely i overestimated my importance in peoples lives

[hidtired]

Love Burns

(Daryl Dixon x Reader) Masterlist

Description: Some way somehow you crawled your way back from death. All to get back into the arms of one man. Daryl and the rest of the group were taking your death hard, your death was gruesome. So your disheveled arrival back to them was unfathomable… (Duel POVs)

6.1k words

Fall felt like winter. In a place made of concrete it was decided something needed to be done before winter truly came. The prison still needed a lot of work but with the new people of Woodbury things were getting done a lot faster. Only thing lacking was supplies. So a team was round up to go to a near hardware warehouse. Glenn, Maggie, Rick, Daryl, You, Carol, Sasha, Tyrese, and a few Ex Woodbury people headed out for as much as they all could carry. It was Hershel who suggested that this was dire because someone could get sick and that was supplies we just couldn’t spare. So… this wasn’t all for nothing. This run was the greater good for the prison. Even if it all went wrong by dusk. Even if it cost your life.

Almost all the cars had been full of things. It was decided to send a few of the new people back to empty their trucks and comeback. The chill was numbing everyone’s hands as they moved things back and forth. A fire was started inside the chain link fence. The U haul parked close to it to blocked the wind. Daryl had taken his bike, the psycho. But you had to admit the leather jacket he now wore looked good on him. You and Daryl, still no label but something was there. If the time spent cuddling him every chance you got inside the cellblock said anything. Always using the excuse you were cold, which wasn’t wrong. You’ve both kissed but that had happened only a few times. The only reason you had both gotten so close was the time spent after the farm fell.

It was decided in your mind after this run you would put all your card on the table. So while you were in the warehouse grabbing future farm tools Daryl walked past you making you turn and speak, “Hey, wanna share what little whiskey I have left when we get back.” Daryl turned a small smirk barely noticeably, he grunted before speaking, “Bring out booze? Must be a special occasion.” You glance away then back to him, gathering courage, “Just thought maybe it was about time we talked.” You smiled and walked past him with your head held high mimicking confidence. Little did you know you made the hair on the back of his neck stand and his heart beat just that much faster.

Finally dusk was fast approaching and everyone was gathered around the fire discussing before getting ready to leave. You sat staring into the fire half listening to the chatter of everyone. You had your arms around yourself trying to stop the wind. You were playing out things in your mind to say to Daryl. Trying to develop a way to get your feelings across. Strange how things escalate to life or death. Your peaceful gaze into the now hot coals was interrupted with sounds of gun shots drowned with screams and sounds of the dead marching. It was damn unlucky to have had two herds merge into each other at the warehouse. It was frantic but quick. You had been left to put of the fires. You had waited by the last smoldering one to beat the cold before all of you departed. When the gun fire and screams started you hadn’t thought to look behind you with all the action in front of you.

You heard a thunk before you felt something fall on top of you pulling you to the ground by your legs. You kicked and thrashed killing the walker that snuck up on you. However you noticed a wave of walkers now pulled down a part of the fence with their eyes dead set on you. A few slipping out of through holes in the fence. You unhooked your side arm from its place on your thigh. Pulling the knife you apparently stuck into the walker that jumped you. You look all around you trying to navigate options. But the situation that had originally got your attention also seemed to escalate with another wave of walkers come from every direction. That’s when your awareness made you freeze all together. A pain to your side close to your back. Lifting the layers of your cloths a mark of teeth bleed.

You had been bite.

Ice filled your veins, fear. Your grip tightened on your weapons. You stare as walkers closed the distance. Your name rung in your ears. Daryl scream for your attention, you slowly turned to him. He was a distance away behind a fence with others who seemed to escape the first wave they’d met. Even if you hadn’t been bite to may blocked your way to run into any means of safety. Daryl waved his hands trying beckon you to run to him. He looked like he was going to jump the already bending fence to get to you. Other faces you recognized to be the family you had found yelling in panic along with Daryl’s. You slowly pulled your shirt turning to them. Blood ran down dripping into your pants from the deathly injury. Others seeming to realize what had happened.

“NOOOOOOO!”

The pained yell Daryl had ripped out from himself being followed by the snapping fence falling to the pressure of the herd. Daryl still stood even with the danger coming to him, Rick clearly holding him back with Glenn running over to help drag him away. You smiled at Daryl some tears running down your face, probably the last Daryl will see it as his face disappeared from your sight. You turned around to the herd closer to you. A few walkers had gotten closer to you than you thought. This was your last stand. You fired gunshot after gunshot while managing to kill some with your knife. You tripped on one of the bodys you had put down. You fell expecting to quickly get back up and continue your count down to death bringing any dead bastard with you. But a flare of unexpected pain at your landing made a blood curdling scream vibrate into the air. You had landed into the fire pit. Hot coals with little flame burning you. Ambers exploding around you with your fall. Your open wound on your side sizzles adding more pain to the specific area. You instinctively jumped up away from the pit. Groaning while you forced yourself to stand vision blurred and legs wobbling.

It’s funny… to know you’re about to die. You could never imagine the things to go through your mind until it happens. Your past didn’t flash before your eyes. More thoughts of the future. How will people take your death? Maybe If this didn’t happen then how would you fit into there future. What if you had that drink with Daryl… That pushed you to now. Right now. You woke up. Groggy cold and numb. The smell of death strong. You weren’t sure if maybe you were a walker maybe it was all a dream.

The haze lifted with a spike of your adrenaline as your eyes focus. A walker close to your face with your knife jammed into its head. A gasp filled your lungs, you weren’t dead? You were lying on your stomach under the U haul nearly freezing. The body of walkers all around you seemed to be your insulation. You take in the scene around you, then you do the only logical thing, cry. A sob ripped from you, tears streaming down your now dirt covered face that was laying in the dirt. You were scared, in pain, and alone. It seemed like the only thing you could really do and have the mind to do. In the small gaps that walkers didn’t cover a slight glow came. You pushed through the body’s crawling between them until fresh air hit you. Dark gray clouds hung above you.

The night had passed while you were under the truck. You caught sight of the littered bodys around the area. It was quiet. Not a soul or other wise empty vessel around. You attempted to stand but fell when you became light headed and unbalanced. Another attempt had lead you slowly to your feet. You were covered in dirt. You could only think you were rolling around in it while keeping walkers away from you under the car. The longer you were awake the more you came back to yourself. A hand slowly moved to your forehead. You were cold but shouldn’t you have a fever by now? At the thought you moved some of the fabric from your bite only stopping when your cloths were singed to your body. Were the bite was now was left with a deep embedded scorch marks. Coals had seemed to burned you up to your shoulder and down to your hip on you left side.

The sight of it made you gag but you couldn’t feel a thing from it. The burns must have destroyed the nerves. If the infection of being bite wasn’t going to kill you the infection sure to come from this wound would. A flare of life filled you. A broken chuckle passed your lips filling the dead silence. You need Hershel badly and soon if you wanted a chance to live. A chance was better than what you had thought. You slowly turn around to the U hale in hopes you could drive it back but the tires were blown and a rainbow like liquid had formed a puddle. You probably shot at walkers while under there damaging the car. Like damaging the gas tank and somehow not exploding so you’ll take that win. No that meant you just had to walk several miles back to the prison. Suddenly you remembered you weren’t bond to the roads so maybe you were closer then you thought.

So you took off north into the woods, hopeful and better yet alive.

Daryl POV

Of course nothing ever goes smoothly and this damn run was no exception. It was so close, they were all packed and ready to go. A herd coming didn’t seem like a big deal just alerting them there was no time to dilly dally. So after killing a few and saving people who got surprised by it they stood behind a chain fences that wasn’t going to hold for long the more that pushed against it. Daryl’s eyes flickered to everyone behind the fence. Panic now felt when his eyes didn’t meet yours. He turned back around frantically until he say you standing facing what looked to be another herd. His eyes widened and your name was flying out of his mouth before he even knew he was doing it. You just stood there, not even in a defensive posture, just casually. Your head turned to meet his after hearing him.

Tears ran down your face but your face remained to looked shocked. Maybe you froze in panic so he gestured for you to come quickly but you didn’t move. Soon others joined in calling for you. But when you moved and lifted your shirt he felt like he was sinking. Blood dripped down your side and teeth were imprinted in your skin. His eyes flicked back up to yours to see you smiling at him. He was screaming and moving without a thought.

“NOOOOOOOO!”

A hand grabbed his shirt and then the fence in front of them fell. He still tried moving forward even then but other sets of hands now pulled him backwards. He grunted and gasped still looking at you as he was moved away. The smile on your face directed at him. The look in your eyes saying so many words that he didn’t have the time to decipher in the moment. He didn’t know the words coming from his mouth but he was yelling. For whoever holding him to let him help you in curses and cry’s. When he lost sight of you is when he faltered. More people seemed to be dragging him now. A gunshot went off making him jump in his skin along with the others around him. Sound now processing in his ears. Maggie sobbing along with muffled crying from others.

Everyone had assumed that gunshot was you giving yourself mercy. Then more came making him start dragging his heels again. You were fighting, you were bring some of the herd on them back to you. He was going to fight to get to you. But he froze along with the people clawing him backwards. You were screaming. No you were dying and they all were hearing it. It was guttural and sudden like you were surprised. He was yelling in tears now, “NOOO PLEASE-“ his words jumping starting people again to pull him away. Your pained cries fading when he was pulled into a car. Tyrese was the one locking him in place. Rick driving with Michonne in the passenger side leaning over like she was going to be sick.

Daryl was now desperate to grab air in his lungs as has he went limp in Tyrese grasp. His gasps filled with the now humming engine felt like he was spiraling. Sounds muffled and thoughts racing. ‘Just thought maybe it was about time we talked.’ The feeling from the words originally was like butterflies, now it was hornets. You always wiggled your away into his arms. Excuses of ‘it’s cold.’ or ‘But you’re always so warm.’ He knew for some reason you had taken interest in him. You had lit some dumb teenage feeling in him. Thoughts of you always crossing his mind throughout the day. Hopes of you trying to make your way into his space later in the day. The first time you fell asleep on him was when you crawled in his lap during watch and shivered endlessly while he held you. He continued to watch gaze flickering through trees while holding you and he knew deep down he was screwed.

The fear that kept him away and doubting had come true. He watched trees go by through the window in silence. Tyrese still holding him as he was lying across the seats. Like he would jump out the moving vehicle if given the chance. Even though he didn’t act on his feeling he had still loved you. He felt cold inside. The cold that would have drawn you to him. He will never hold you to him again. His hands trembled to his face and covered his eyes. Your screams echoing in his mind, your sad loving smile played into his mind. His palms dug into his eyes and he cried. His tears breaking seemed to trigger those around him. He heard Rick holding his breath as he sniffled. Michonne would occasionally suck in a gasp. Tyrese trembled with sighs and coughs trying to break the growing ball in his throat.

Eventually making it back to the prison Carl swung the gate open happily for two cars and Carol riding on Daryl’s bike. The unsuspecting grief hadn’t reached the prison but when they got out of the cars it was felt in waves. They were still seemed lost in thoughts, or lost in a moment. Carl looked on to his father who held is head down and hands on his hips. Maggie making her way to her father and cried silently when he hugged her with Glenn close by eyebrows furrowed in pain. When looking at Daryl it was clear to who they lost. He was stock still and pale, in shock. Hershel practically herded them into the cell block. Carol tried to come near him while walking there but he just shock his head and pushed past her.

They sat in silence sitting at the tables they had their breakfast just this morning. Daryl leaned on the wall keeping his distance. Rick was standing and looking on to everyone hunched in to themselves. Judith in his arms was probably the only reason Daryl didn’t go into a berserk rage. Though when Rick started retelling what had happened to the other that weren’t there he was gettin close to it. Nails digging into his palms and teeth clenched he still listened.

“Y/n’s gone… We were just about ready to go when a herd spooked us.” Rick sighed now looking to everyone’s face. “We had gotten behind a fence and Y/N was putting fires out…” Beth had clear tears now growing in her eyes as she listened. “We think a separate herd flanked us but we were so busy with the first to notice. She was across from us with a herd closing in from behind and in front of her. She could have possibly made it… if-“ he cleared is throat starting again. “If she didn’t lift her shirt showing us she was already doomed. I don’t know when or how, but she was bite.” Rick paused then chuckled wetly, “She had to go out being a badass, could hear it in my mind ‘Was it cool at least?’ Always theatrics with that one.” The thought bubbles in Daryl’s stomach, ‘she always said if she was ever going out it was in a blaze of glory, nothing “lame”.’ Daryl leaned forward off the wall moving to pass by everyone. Everyone had stilled at his movement but he just walked into the cell block.

He needed a minute, to cope, scream, cry, yell, he didn’t know but he felt like he was dying. He found his way up the stairs and pushing past the stupid Dino sheets you chose for your room. ‘They’re not ugly! We have a lot more in common with are extinct friends now. Though I would have preferred a meteor…’ He stared at everything that had been left where you had it. He stumbled to sit on the edge of your bed looking around. You had so many weird thing… you were so weird. A now deflated happy birthday ballon he remembered you yelling, ‘JACKPOT’ when you found it scavenging. Then his eyes locked onto a bottle of whiskey. It was not even half full but when he saw it tears started falling quietly. He picked it up and held it to his chest.

“Just thought maybe it was about time we talked.” That sentence would haunt him forever.

Your POV

You groaned like the dead as you made your way through the woods. Speaking of the dead they didn’t much notice you. That had made you spiral in the whole am I really a walker?! But then you remember you were covered in dirt and blood and walking like you had a few to many. You were starting to feel warm putting you into a cold sweat. It was hard to not think that maybe the bite was still going to kill you. You had burnt it with the rest of your back to hell. You probably look like you crawled out from hell. The thought made you dazily laugh out loud. Ok so maybe you were delirious. If that manic laugh that bubbled from you wasn’t any indication. You weren’t thinking straight. Only moving in the direction you think is to the prison? God you could go for some pasta right about now, Olive Garden salad and bread sticks… damn. Little mint at the end. You trip out of your thoughts slamming into the forest floor with a groan.

It had snapped you back into a clearer head space. Your vision swam a little but you started to push yourself back up. So turns out your near death thoughts weren’t as epic as you thought they were going to be, just bread sticks and mints. You sighed looking around trying to gain your bearings. You could hear some water to your right meaning you were indeed going the right way. Just 20 more minutes and you were back to the prison. You wonder if you could have had a dinner date with Daryl. I suppose you still could if you didn’t die. The poor man had tried running into a herd for you. You were getting more unbalanced as you walked leaning from tree to tree. Wood splitting and jamming into your hands, only adding to a list of injures. The worst part was you didn’t feel much of anything pain wise. The cold numbed you and your lack of cognitive ability was no better help.

The stream broke off flowing into the direction of the prison. You saw the bridge that held the water pump before the prison. You somehow managed to get back here. The prison was still quieter than normal. You could see closer to the gate a few people were clearing walkers, vision to bleary to know who. A thunk sounded coming into the middle of the inclosed clearing. Rick was cutting wood with Carl moving logs for him to cut. Slowly making your way to the fence you didn’t realize your throat was so scratchy, nothing but a huff of air coming out. That’s right, you had been screaming…. and crying. You lean into the fence hands intertwined with the cool dewy metal.

A walker was pushed against the fence to your right staring to Rick and Carl too. You slowly push down to the floor grabbing a stick. You pushed back up using the fence to walk closer to the walker. Taking a deep breath you kicked the back of the walkers legs making it fall to its knees. The walker grumbled in shock or protest but it was silence with the stick shoved in its eyes. The constant noise of the walker was acknowledged by the Grimes so when it abruptly stopped they looked over to where it was. You were leaning into the side of the fence as you heard feet approaching, “Who are- Holy shit!” You heard them running and the sound got farther from you. The heavy gate door grunted open and the running sound came back toward you. You tried moving along the fence, tripping yet again on the walker, this time only to your knees.

A shadow fell over you causing you to look up seeing Rick kneeling in front of you, hands moving to pull you up. Your adrenaline was dropping now that the task you set for yourself was complete. The fall made your head swim, voices now muffled as blood pulled into your head. You saw Rick talking but didn’t comprehend anything he said. He soon pointed at Carl and your eyes moved over to the boy. Walkers had made their way out of the woods at the commotion. You suddenly were being jostled now. Rick had put an arm to the back of your shoulders and his other arm to the back of your knees and lifted you into him. You were slightly over Rick’s shoulder as he quickly moved. Then you realized what Rick was yelling.

“HERSHEL! HERSHEL! HERSHEL!”

That was right, you wanted Hershel to help you… help you? What for again? Your mind clicked as you watched the door of the gate close behind you. Some faces now appeared as Rick continued to carry while trying not to dig his hands into your injury. You had been injured, right. Some looks you caught while over Rick shoulder was nothing you’ve seen direct at yourself. The group formed shuffling to the gate to get into the court yard. You recognized Maggie gasping and her saying, “Oh my god is she alive?! H-how?” You rumbled out a deep noise. “Cause I’m a badass.” You were becoming slack and your vision was blurring. You were trying to remain awake. Maybe for the face you so desperately wanted to see, and the other part of you was afraid you wouldn’t wake back up. But at last you involuntarily relaxed as you heard him, “Y/N!” His voice was pained and dry, but it sent a smile to your face before you went still as Rick continued moving you.

Daryl POV

He fell asleep in your bed. Selfishly taking in what little smell was left of your space. The whiskey bottle was held to his chest untouched. He kept waking up ever hour. He felt wrong like something was missing. His body knew that you weren’t with him and it made him restless. He would think about your screams feeling like he still heard them. He would play back random moments with you. He just couldn’t seem to move. Stuck laying down holding the bottle you both were going to share, stuck going in and out of consciousness. He was depressed he realized. It was the norm for his sadness to spark rage but he just felt defeated. With Merle he got angry, upset even. But he could still move. His world was still moving then but now he wasn’t sure how it kept spinning with you gone.

Everyone was already moving through the day doing tasks that needed to be completed. He heard the shuffles and whispers of his friends- his family. He would hear someone’s breath hitch while talking about you. He was left alone with Glenn being the one saying, “Leave the man alone.” With other things like, ‘when Lori died-‘ or, ‘if it had been Maggie I’d be the same.’ He would thank the man on another day. So here he is still, morning coming to pass, in your bed staring at the ceiling. He tried to not think about how you might be a walker wondering or even worse your body was still there. He would have to push himself up to that. But the silence around the prison seemed to have broke.

The heavy door that lead in from out doors slammed opened and a panicked Maggie nervously yelled for her father. “D-Daddy somethings wrong Rick’s yelling for you!” Daryl’s hearing perked up feeling the pit in his stomach drop further. Dread seeping into him, ‘Another bad thing was happening.’ He heard the clicking of Hershel’s crutch’s as he moved through the door that Maggie’s had burst through. Daryl squeezed his eyes shut before sucking in a breath in and huffing it out. He got up.

He got to his feet moving down the stairs buzzing with adrenaline. Not sure if he was going to have to protect people or kill someone. As Daryl pushed through the metal door to the court yard an icy wind blew through him. The hair on the back of his neck stood. He turned over to the commotion gathering by the gate to the yard. Scanning the area he didn’t see danger so he made his way over to the group. “Oh my god is she alive?! H-how?” Daryl’s eyebrows furrowed as he got closer over hearing people now.

“Cause I’m a badass.”

Although the voice was deep and scratchy he froze at the familiar voice. He only paused for a moment before he started running the rest of the way there, “Y/N!” His voice was slightly harsh with dis use and the ball of tension in his throat didn’t help much either. You were being held up in a weird way by Rick but you sluggish turned drooping slightly as you did. When your eyes met you smiled but it slowly fell as you went slack. Rick was moving again with the demands of Hershel yelling orders to Carol and Maggie to gather things. Daryl saw your cloths, burnt holes and black and red covered you. Your skin stuck sticking to fabric as deep char marks riddled your back and side. He was speechless as the group passed him but he still followed. Maybe he fell asleep again and was dreaming all this.

“I need disinfectant and a bucket of clean water!”

Rick had set you down on your stomach in an unused cell. Your arm dangled over edge swaying. He stood the watching in shock. People were scrambling around him. He didn’t realize he had gotten the bottle still in his hands before he looked down and walked over practically shoving it into the man’s arms. Daryl was wide eyed as he watched your still form, “Daryl I need you to cut off her clothes. Be careful of her shirt.” A hand clasped to his shoulder finally clicking everything into place. His hand had moved for his knife and he slowly cut down right side on a seam. He slowly plead the shirt from you. It would stick then tug and pull off of you making him cringe. Hershel started talking again as Daryl moved to pull down your jeans.

“You said she was bite?” Daryl let your pants fall to the floor as he looked back up to the side he had seen it. Your entire side was indented and black. Some black circles were higher up to your shoulders as your enter left side seemed to have taken most of the burns. He pointed to were he had last saw the bite. “It was here- shit she fell into the fire pit.” The screams he heard played back into his mind. The pain and surprise that had ripped from you. Hershel now with a cloth and water started cleaning the area removing the grim, “That means she might have stopped the spread of the infection with how deep these burns are.” Hershel paused looking over her body. He then put a hand to your forehead, “She’s warm but not feverish…” Hershel grabbed the bottle of whiskey again turning to Daryl and popping the lid of,

“Get out of here Daryl. Maggie! Carol! I need hands!”

He watched as the two girls push past him and before he was out of sight from you saw Hershel dump some of the alcohol onto the area. He stepped out turning to see worried and confused faces. They stared at him silently with the background noise of Hershel making demands of his helpers. Sasha almost whispered her question to him, "How is she still alive?" Everyone turned to her before looking at him expectantly as the wondered the same. Daryl looked like he was visibly thinking before he sighed, "I don't know. She fell in the fireplace is all I know." Rick looked to the floor nodding thinking back to when he first saw you and struggled to pick you up around what looked to be burns. Daryl spoke again almost hopefully, "Hershel thinks there's a chance she stop the infection from spreading with how deep the burns are."

Hopeful gasps filled the air. Carl was the next to speak almost as a demand, "Then we going to use all are medical supplies we've got if there is a chance." Rick whispered, "Carl..." but Beth jumped in. "W-we have it for reasons like these! I know she is technically bite but we have no clue if she stopped it, its worth splurging to see if this could save others!" Rick looked surprised at the outburst mouth opening about to speak before Glenn jumped in also pleading to him, "Well find more!" Other silently agreeing and nodding. Daryl looked between the group so determined about your life smirking at it even but, he knew what Rick was trying to say. Sure enough the man had chuckled shacking his head, "Why are you all looking at me for, I'm not the leader anymore. This is a matter for the council. But I think that decision has already been made." It had only started not to long ago with Rick being the stand in while everyone settled on who the council consisted of. Michonne clapped her hands together, "Right is has been settled then, what ever cost to keep her alive." It was a waiting game now.

Days pass with the prison fueled with a hope. The once depressive air had lifted once Hershel declared you stable and with no fever. It was determined until a day later with still no fever you were not infected. The only problem now way you had yet to wake up. The girls had cleaned you of all the caked on dirt from your skin and hair they best they could with you unconscious and your injury. Daryl with any of his free time was by your side. He even took to sleeping in the bunk above you. He changed your bandage most of the time. You were on the your third IV by the 5th day. Daryl had a chair pulled by your side as he fiddled with his crossbow and bolts, your steady breathing having a calming effect on him. The breathing pattern faltered for a second making him look up to you. He stared for a moment before you seemed to grunt in pain. The hair was rising on the back of his neck. Hazy eyes open and your cuffed hand attempted to move but was halted by it be attached to the metal bed frame in the wall.

Daryl felt his heart race as he watched you slowly and groggily start moving. He reached to stopping your hand from moving with his own. "Hey, stay down." You groaned pain probably hitting you finally making Daryl call for Hershal. The clicking of crutch’s came closer but he looked back down to you at your sudden silence. Your eyes met with his and in that moment you saw straight into his soul making him feel exposed. All his nerves seemed to stand on end with your quiet gaze. A small smile creeping it way on your face. Daryl leaned down moving some hair from your face as you remained on your stomach. When he was crouched closer to you he whispered, “Hey darlin’…” You huffed out air and a tear ran down your cheek. He was smiling down at you feeling the weight of deaths grip finally releasing you back to him.

Hershel broke the moment but he never stopped holding your hand as the older man fussed over you. Your voice was rough to say the least. He winched at your first attempt at using it. “iM aLivE…?” Daryl squeezed your hand and the ball in his throat suck to his chest as he let out a chuckle. You seemed just as surprised of the fact just like them. You hissed before flinching forcibly relaxing your muscles but you still spoke again, “tHe BiTe?” Hershel had moved injecting something in your IV bag, pain killers hopefully. Your eyes barely following the movement as Hershel spoke calmly with a smile, “You’ve been out for a few days. No fever. We are working on the burns because they are festering but blistering. You killed the infection.” Your eyes squeezed shut and you sniffled a little tears poured from your eyes in relief. Daryl couldn’t help for his eyes to blur a little to. A hand fell to his shoulder, Hershel. “Her blood pressure is still low so keep her lying down. Try and fed her something small for now until she is up right.”

With that he hobbled away probably going to spread the good news that you are up. His attention snapped back to you when he heard a faint whisper of his name, “daryl.” You had a dopey grin as you stare up at him making the knotted ball in his stomach loosen. You smile falter and a harsh sounding, “woOaH-“ your eyes blinking like your vision got blurry. He intertwined his fingers behind yours as he keyed open the cuffs. “goDdaMn…. HaRdcorE dRugS hEllo~” Daryl chuckled seeing you sag in relief. Your eyes moved to something behind him a long, “hEeeY…” your lips pouting. He turned around questioningly at what you were staring at. The bottle of now empty whiskey, aah. He turned back to you running his free hand into your hair, “Don’t look at me I didn’t drink it.” You stare at the bottle softly saying, “How wiLl I woe a DiXon nOw?”

Daryl sighs feeling that ever burning in his chest when it comes to you. “Don’t think you need to worry to much about that, think he is beyond woed.” You dawn a familiar smirk he knows means trouble. ‘Mmm’ vibrates from your chest, “Good… been really laying it on thick as of late. Hell crawled back from death for the guy.” Your voice seemed to not rattle in your hushed tone. You seemed to struggle to keep your eyes open and focus you spoke once more before closing your eyes and falling to drugs and exhaustion, “So much for not using the med supply like Hershel said…”

Love burns with either the loss of them or the fact they exist in the first place, but you would say the fireplace hurt a tad bit more than loving your gruff hunter.

Feedback welcome and requests open!

[icanseethefuture333]

PAC: What your pretty self needs to hear for Valentine's Day ♡

Your heart's message to you + a message from your secret admirer 💌

They say the truth ain't pretty, but coming from that pretty mouth

The truth is fitting, cause you ain't ever talkin' loud

And you know plenty

Yeah, you know what I'm talkin' about

Cause you just get me

Yeah, you so pretty... ♡

Pile 1:

Your heart's message to you:

Shufflemancy -

Girl by Destiny's Child

Far by SZA

I MISS YOU SO BAD by iKON

The Lovers, Seven of Cups, & Three of Cups

So what your heart wishes to tell to you is that there is still love out there. You may have previously gotten over an ex, a past crush, or you are in the process of recovering from a break up. In the song "Far" SZA asks Sadhguru how to deal with rejection, in which he responds, "That's great! If nobody wants you then you're free." You have to look on the bright side of things. You also have to know what your worth is. No one else can define your worth but you. You have to be secure with who you are as a person. No one can love the parts you need to heal from. Once you feel fulfilled with who you are as a person. That is when you can form healthy connection with others. I believe you still are hoping for you and this person to get back together but you are hurting yourself even more by obsessing over this person (was going to say focus but instead I heard obsess). Reflect on your current situation and ask yourself, "What wound is this person triggering in me?". What do you need to move on from? To take care of your heart you should do some self reflection. Journaling and shadow work would help provide some clarity. Your heart asks you to not fall back into old habits. Self love is important for your growth, pile 1!

Your secret admirer's message to you:

Shufflemancy -

Time To Love by Red Velvet

Changes by Jeff Bernat

I Think I'm Falling by KOHH

Wallflower, New Love, & Union

There is a new love coming in for you! This person could be shy and likes to admire you from afar. They could be self conscious about some things about themselves as well. The feelings seem to be mutual here. There could be a new crush that you like and wish to speak to, but are to nervous to ask them out of fear of rejection. Don't fret! Confessing your feelings helps build courage. If the person rejects you, then that just means there isnsomeone else better out there for you. It is not the end of the world just because you got rejected. Have a little more confidence in yourself, you are great, pile 1! Regardless, I see you and this secret admirer actually being intimate. Things could develop into something more serious with this union card. So make sure to be open to this energy and give them a chance at love ♡

Pile 2:

Your heart's message to you:

Shufflemancy -

Mine by Slayyyter

ANTIFRAGILE by LE SSERAFIM

Post To Be by Omarion ft. Chris Brown & Jhené Aiko

Four of Cups, Eight of Wands, & The Fool

Your heart does not want to be tied down at the moment! I believe it has plenty of love to give lol. You also have no problem with turning people down or vice versa. You are looking for a fling and just wish to have a casual relationship! You could have a lot of options in love and would like to explore things romantically, maybe even sexually. Your heart suggests that you focus on your happiness and learn what pleases you. Love does not always have to be serious. Sometimes short lived romances have the best stories to tell! You will be feeling very confident and sexy in your romantic endeavors.

Your secret admirer's message to you:

Shufflemancy -

Boys Wanna Be Her by Peaches

No Flex Zone by Rae Sremmurd

STUCK IN MY HEAD by Twice

Open Relationship, Mature Woman, & Fun Times

This secret admirer of yours is honestly hilarious 😭. I kept getting meme songs and I hs to shuffle again to get a proper message. This could be my queer pile as well 🏳️‍🌈. I'm getting Renee Rapp vibes from your secret admirer, Pile 2 😋. They could suit the 'girl crush' aesthetic or if it is someone who identifies as masculine, they have a very pretty face. They are open minded, flirtatious, and exciting to be around. This person wishes to tell you that you are stuck in their head! They find you to be "so fine" 😜! They would like take you out soon. I'm getting it will be a bar date or they will take you dancing at a night club.

Pile 3:

Your heart's message to you:

Shufflemancy -

More Than Enough by Alina Baraz

Bluffin by Brent Faiyaz

Mona Lisa by Naji ft. Monter Booker

Death, Six of Swords, & Six of Pentacles

Oh, pile 3, bless your heart 🥹. You are someone who has such a kind, gentle heart. You have the purest intentions and for that people can tell how geniune you are as a person. You could be selfless and caring towards others. You have so much love to give that it is obvious to others. I don't see any bitterness in your heart and I feel like your heart wishes to tell you how proud it is of you for being able to find forgiveness. You are leaning to let go of the people who have hurt you in the past. The essence of your spirit is so soft and it's very beautiful to witness. Your heart's message to you is that anyone would be lucky to have you in their life. So don't ever feel like you are not enough because you're more than that. You are this cup that is overflowing with love and sincerity.

Your secret admirer's message to you:

Shufflemancy -

At Your Best (You Are Loved) by Aaliyah

Freaky Deaky by Tyga ft. Doja Cat

LOVE by Kendrick Lamar ft. Zacari

Dating, True Love, & True Gem

Your secret admirer absolutely adores you, pile 3. They see your value as a person and they know that there is no one else like you in this world. You have so much love to give and they do as well. I am getting that they want to literally treat you like a princess/princess - just overall royalty. Their have geniune intentions as well and they would like to spoil you this Valentine's day ❤. (Channeled song: Kiss It Better by Rihanna 💋) for a few of you, you and your specific person could be separated. I see that things will turn out for the better soon. So have faith in yourself and in this person for things to work out. They could offer you some sort of proposal, love offer, or a token of their gratitude to show how much they love you. I see things would be passionate, flirty, and romantic for you and your secret admirer 🎆.

Pile 4:

Your heart's message to you:

Shufflemancy -

Green Light by Beyoncé

Standing Next To You by Jungkook

God of Music by SEVENTEEN

Two of Pentacles, Page of Wands, & The Magician

You are such an optimistic person, pile 4! You could be someone who often gives advice to others and help others look on the bright side of things. You radiate such positive energy and it makes you a joy to be around. You could be someone who knows what they want and goes after it. You know how to balance your heart with your brain. Intuitive but also logical. People wonder how you are able to turn your ideas into reality. Your heart's message to you is to keep going after your goals and not let anyone distract you from your dreams. As long as you are happy that is all that matters. Your heart also wishes to tell you that whatever makes you light up inside is meant for you. Whatever your heart is set on whether that's a new job, house, etc. You have the ability to manifest whatever you desire.

Your secret admirer's message to you:

Shufflemancy -

Phone Me by Che Ecru

Novacane by Frank Ocean

Own It by Drake

Passion, Friendship, & Communication

For some of you, you could be currently in a "situationship" or have a FWB with someone. While for others, your secret admirer is possibly a friend of yours. This person is conflicted on how to approach you. You may receive a text or phone call from them soon where they ask you about your relationship with another. They could ask you how you feel about them or drop hints that they are attracted to you. The ball is in your park, pile 4, if you decide to be more than just friends with this person.

Pile 5:

Your heart's message to you:

Shufflemancy -

Girl Like Me by Alexa Demie

Fulfillment? By Kilo Kish

Baddie by IVE

Eight of Cups, Two of Cups, & Seven of Swords

I am getting like "manic pixie dream girl" vibes from you, Pile 2. Something about you is hard to pin point to others. Mysterious but also so enchanting. You know you are someone who is complex but also so beautiful. You have these interesting quirks that makes you stand out and memorable to others. You are comfortable with who you as a person and it could have took you a long time to get to a place of being this self assured. You could have a child like wonder as well and it is admirable to others. You could be questioning what direction to take in life and could find "adulting" very hard but don't give up, pile 5! Everything will be okay in the end. Your heart's message to you is to learn what gives you emotional fulfillment in life. Also to not take shit from no one. What's interesting is your face could look quite sweet but you are actually feisty and have a firey spirit. There is a duality to your personality and its attractive. I am getting like Song Jia, Alexa Demie, Wonyoung, & Taylor Russell vibes from you, pile 5. Your heart wants you to embrace your confidence and focus on the abundance in your future. Do not let people drag you down and dim your light. Your heart believes it is time for some self pampering. Set your standards high in love and know that you are deserving of everything you desire. I also believe it is time to burn bridges with people who no longer serve you. How can you live the life of your dreams if other people only acknowledge the version of yourself that no longer resonates with you? If you wish to be the girl of your dreams, you have to learn to put yourself first.

Your secret admirer's message to you:

Shufflemancy -

Lilith by Halsey

Ditto by NewJeans

High Fashion by Roddy Rich ft. Mustard

Triangle, Travel, & Spiritual Growth

What is this Single's Inferno?! You have options, pile 5. You could have more than one secret admirer. You could be observing your current options in love and feeling "Well! Let the best person win☺️!" I see people wanting to fly you out and pay for your trips, oh my🫠. One of the people you will date could be popular or have a well known social status. You give people butterflies and some of you may know what affect you have on people, while some of you are innocent to the fact. You could receive love confessions or you may even already have. I feel like you are the type of person who receives love letters, jewelry, candies, and box of chocolates, if not you are going to be spoiled for this Valentine's day! You could meet your secret admirer(s) while traveling or when going on vacation. Your secret admirer's message to you is that they "like you" and hoping you feel the same 💕. They want to understand your love language and words of affirmations / gift giving could be one of their love languages in particular.

Pile 6:

Your heart's message to you:

Shufflemancy -

Rose by Miyeon

Honey Dew by Lion Babe

Chanel by TiaCorine

King of Pentacles, Five of Wands, & Queen of Cups

I feel like you are at odds with your heart and brain right now, pile 6. You seem to feel confused about a decision you have to make. I believe you could think things are "sweeter" in other people's lives but that is not necessarily true. I know sometimes we can want what other people have but if it gets to the point of comparing yourselves to others then its not healthy. You have to remember to be grateful for what you have in life. It's okay to want the finer things, but what are you overlooking when you are doing that? Your heart's message to you is to not worry about what other people are doing in life and instead focus on what makes you great of a person. You are just as lovable, sweet, and beautiful.

Your secret admirer's message to you:

Shufflemancy -

Congratulations by Mac Miller ft. Bilal

Little Things by Sunni Colón

Aura by Mariah The Scientist

Work, Money, & Long Distance

I believe you and this person are already in a relationship. If not, your secret admirer will be the next person you end up in a romantic relationship with. This person could live further away from you and has a high paying job. They prefer to take on a traditional role of a provider. This person could have a hard time discussing their feelings though and shows their love through acts of services. While you, I feel you are more of an emotional person. You both could have a hard time expressing your feelings and thoughts properly to each other, which would cause conflict. Things might be tense for Valentine's Day. You and your secret admirer could have strong feelings for each other, but there needs to be an important conversation had in order for this relationship to progress. Both of you could be disheartened by this but there's hope! Try to appreciate the little things in your relationship and not focus on being the "perfect couple", for that does not exist. Every relationship has its flaws and all that matters is that you and you partner love each other very much. If it's meant to be, it will be, it won't be something you have to force, it'll come naturally.

[hoshiina]

pairing: hoshina soushirou x gn!reader (no prns)

request: a reader that keeps messing around w him and at some point they mention they like him but then hoshina thinks theyre just playing... ..but they r not and he doesnt quite get it at first because hes so used to them joking around and then he ends up overthinking the whole thing until reader actually goes up to him to kiss him (or hug him very tight!!!!!!!! or both maybe!!!!!!)

maybe he liked them too but that thought didnt sit right with him because he doesnt believe hes worthy of something like that

notes: mentions the reader's face "flushing", reader is rather lively/outgoing, reader is not a fan of horror and is more a fan of romance, reader is a hoshina stan, one part is inspired by a scene in wakaba no komorebi, omg why are there so many notes I'm so sorry TY FOR THE REQ!!

wc: 2800

A new day, a new chance for you to shoot your shot at none other than your vice-captain of the third division.

You were always messing with him. This ranged from embarrassing pranks a grade school boy would menace his crush with, all the way to borderline hitting on him. There wasn’t a single day you’d forget to remind him he was stunning, and you’d always be bragging about him to the officers in the first division, regardless of the fact that you had absolutely nothing to do with the things you were bragging about. Simply put, you were loud about Hoshina.

Yet, every day, he'd brush you off and tell you to get to work. You didn't let that mind you much though, because you could tell he wasn't actually upset. You liked him unconditionally, and as long as you weren't actually bothering him, you couldn't care less if your feelings weren't returned. Well, you did care, but that wasn't going to stop how you felt for him.

Now, you said all of that, but naturally, you were still scared to just put your feelings out there so you hadn’t actually told Hoshina you liked him. You assumed he knew, but if you said it out loud, you’d have to hear an answer. And that, you were not ready for.

However, you weren’t going to stop messing with him anytime soon. Hoping one day he’d actually fall for you and one day you’d have the courage to properly tell him how you felt.

You were in the cafeteria with the rest of the division, having your breakfast while mindlessly scrolling through your phone, when you saw a post about a new movie in theatres. Immediately your mind went to possibly inviting Hoshina and you scrolled right back up, trying to find out what it was about. Horror. You sighed and continued to scroll. Horror was absolutely not your favourite.

“Oh, is it finally out?” you heard a voice from behind you say— your favourite voice say.

“Would you like to go?” you asked, whipping your head back to see none other than Hoshina Soushirou. Just the sight of him and your heart would flutter. How you loved him. “Together? Us? Just us? You and me?”

“Oh, like we have time to go,” he said.

“Man,” you said, knowing he’d say that. The entire defence force in general had been a lot busier ever since the appearance of so many identified grade kaijus. However, it did make you wonder if that meant he would if he did have time. No, he’s just declining your invitation politely, you’d tell yourself, bringing you back to your senses.

You’ve done this since always, and you do this every time without fail. Whenever a new shop had opened, or a new movie to watch had come to theatres, you'd always shoot your shot— hoping he'd say yes one day. Yes to a date.

Although you were used to getting turned down, it still wasn’t the best feeling. Recently, you've been letting it get to you far more than you used to. Maybe after all these times, the rejection did start to have an affect on you. Maybe you were falling for him even harder recently, or maybe you were starting to hope for your feelings to be returned.

Perhaps a relaxing day at the movies was exactly what you needed. Maybe you’d ask for a day off next week— just to go watch a movie you liked.

So you did exactly that, you filed a form to Captain Ashiro, requesting a day off anytime the next week. Preferably on a Tuesday, because movie tickets were cheaper on Tuesdays.

A few days later, you were called over to her office. You assumed it was just to let you know if you could have your day off and if so, when it was. To your surprise, when you walked in, it wasn't Ashiro but rather Hoshina there, working away.

“Hoshina?” you asked, pleasantly surprised. “I didn't expect to see you today.”

“You didn't?” he asked, genuinely perplexed. “But this is my office?”

“Your office? I thought it was Captain Ashiro’s?” you said.

“It used to be, but I took it over a little while back,” he said. “It's just a lot faster for me to do the paperwork.”

“Oh… I see,” you said, rather surprised you weren't already aware. There was a moment of silence.

“It was rather recently that I had officially started working here,” he said, somehow noticing that you were dejected. Oh, how did he always know exactly what to say? You were never going to get over him at this rate. “Anyways, you requested a day off next week?”

“Um… yes,” you said. Now you felt a little awkward about going to a movie alone, and you really hoped he wouldn't realize where you were going.

“On a Tuesday… are you going to see that movie after all?” he asked and he noticed you stiffened a little, so he immediately followed with, “Sorry, you don't have to answer that. You're absolutely free to take that day off.”

“I am,” you said. Half a lie, because there was no way you were watching a horror movie, let alone by yourself. But you were going to the movies. That was true. “It's been a while since I watched a movie in theatres, I realized.”

“I've never gone alone actually,” he said, imagining you were planning to go alone. “Or are you going with someone?”

“No, I'll be by myself,” you said, but instinctively you asked him out again. It was practically in your subconsciousness to do so. “Unless you'd like to tag along?”

There was a long pause before he said anything, and his unreadable expression only made the silence feel longer. You were expecting a quick rejection again, so the silence was absolutely killing you— you hadn't expected it one bit.

“Actually, I'd like to,” he said. “If that's okay with you, of course.”

You couldn't believe your ears. What did he say? You couldn't have possibly heard that right. What had he said?

On the other hand, he had no idea why he said yes. Why after turning you down all these times? Why now? He had turned down every offer of yours because he knew you were just messing around. You didn’t feel about him the way he felt about you. He knew this because you had done this since the moment you joined, and you couldn’t have liked him back then— you hadn't even know him yet.

But still, he hoped you were serious.

“You're joking,” you said.

“Were you?” he asked. This must be why he said yes. He wanted to know so badly— he was rather exhausted of playing the guessing game with you.

“Not at all,” you said. You thought he had known, but perhaps not. “I've never been. Not for a moment.”

“Then, let's go,” he said with his poker face on, but he was a little shaken. He didn't think you were at all serious, let alone that serious.

“Hoshina, is this a date?” you asked, and you could tell your cheeks were flushed. However, there wasn't much to be embarrassed about at this point, so you might as well have asked before you drove yourself insane.

“Okay…” you said, but you were spaced out. You had no idea what had prompted this all of a sudden, but this was the moment you had been waiting for, for your whole life. Yes to a date.

A date? Was it a date?

“Would you like it to be?” he asked. You had no idea what he was thinking.

“Yes,” you said. “Of course…”

“Then, let's go on a date,” he said. “On Tuesday, at 2pm. I'll pick you up from your unit and we'll go and watch a movie.”

It was yes to a date. A date with none other than the love of your life. You were going on a date with Hoshina Soushirou.

You left the office soon after, thanking him as you left, and you were lost in thought. You truly felt like the world around you had stopped, but at the same time, the time passing was a blur. You thought it’d be forever before your long awaited day, and you’d have plenty of time to calm yourself down and prepare, but it had rolled around before you knew it.

You put on what you personally thought was your best date outfit, but you had no idea if he’d like it. You really hoped he would. Now, you were sitting around, waiting for him to come pick you up. It was still 10 till 2, but he was always ahead of schedule— he hated making people wait, so he was always early. A few minutes later, you heard a few footsteps and some rustling outside your door, and you were pretty sure it was him. You waited for a knock, but it wouldn’t come.

Quickly, you opened the door and it was him, waiting by your door with his phone in his hand, opened to your messages with him.

“Oh,” he said. “Sorry, were you waiting?”

“No,” you said, immediately. “I just finished getting ready. Why didn’t you knock?”

“Well, I’m early,” he said. “Didn’t want to rush you.”

Gosh, you were on a date. With him. You had actually never seen him in anything other than what he wears at the defense force, and as much as you liked that training shirt he had on, he looked so incredibly gorgeous today. And this was just for you. He wore a black corduroy turtleneck, and a simple long coat to go over it. You were still so lost, how had you gotten to this point in the first place?

“You’re stunning today,” he said to you as he smiled a little and you swear you felt your heartrate spike. Did he even know what he was doing?

“Not to mean you aren’t usually…” he said immediately. “Sorry, I never say the right things when they count, do I?”

“No, I thought my heart was going to stop,” you said, frankly. This was the way you always were, there was no point in getting flustered all of a sudden. “You’re gorgeous everyday, but even more so today.”

“Well, I’d have to be glad our date is today then,” he said.

While the two of you walked to the theatre, it was rather quiet. Far more quiet than you usually were. Suddenly, you were so nervous, and there was nothing to say to him. So many questions filled your head but none of them felt appropriate to ask. You felt like the spell would break if you took one wrong breath. You wanted to know why he was here with you today. Why he said yes all of a sudden, why he took a precious day off to go on a date with you, and what he was thinking when he said yes. You wanted to know how he felt about you, or at least how he felt about this date.

“I’ll go get us tickets,” you said, as soon as you got to the theatre. “Please pick a snack and a drink in the meantime, I’ll get the tickets quick.”

“Oh, don’t be silly, I’m getting the tickets, and the drinks and snacks, for that matter,” he said. “Besides, we haven’t even decided on a movie yet.”

“We haven’t?” you asked. “I thought we were watching the movie that came out the other day?”

“What? Why would we?” he asked, genuinely confused. “You don’t even like horror." He pointed at another poster on the wall. "Why don’t we watch that one? Romance is more your type of thing, isn’t it?”

You thought you’d cry. If there was one thing that was worrying you about this date, it was the movie. Horror really wasn’t for you, and you weren’t sure if you could watch the movie without showing it.

“How did you know?” you asked.

“It’s obvious,” he said. “You’ve never asked me out to a horror movie, have you?”

Just how did he notice? “But didn’t you want to watch that one?” you asked.

“Please, I can watch that whenever, on my own,” he said. “I’m here with you today. I’d be a horrible date to make you watch it with me.”

“Thank you,” you said, starstruck. “At least, let me pay for it then?”

“No way,” he said. “I’m taking you out today.”

“No, I asked you out,” you said.

“Don’t care!” he said and went off to get the tickets and snacks.

You were in love with him, and you were going to tell him. You were sure he knew, but you had to tell him properly. It wasn’t even that you were hoping for him to return your feelings, you just wanted to tell him.

You thought you wouldn’t be able to focus on the movie at all, but you were, strangely enough. You were watching a cliche romance movie that couldn’t possibly be about you and Hoshina, no matter how much you tried to stretch the narrative, but you loved it. It was a sweet movie, a type that you've always loved, and you were watching it with the one you always loved. You couldn’t be happier.

So as soon as the movie was over, you went for it.

“Hoshina, I love you so much,” you said, and kissed him. On the lips.

His eyes were wide and his cheeks were faintly flushed. You weren’t expecting that, not even for a moment.

“You’re serious?” he asked.

You were confused, did he think you were playing around all this time? “Yes, of course,” you said. “I’ve loved you for forever.”

“Since… when?” he asked.

“Since the day you saved me, 3 years ago,” you said, immediately. It was like you had waited all your life to answer this. “You definitely don’t remember, but I remember like yesterday.”

He wouldn’t reply, but he was still looking at you surprised, so you continued on.

“I thought I had told you this actually. Not the part that I liked you, but the part that you saved me. I joined because of you, Hoshina,” you said. “Yes, you’re my vice-captain and the love of my life, and I’m one of your officers, but you were my hero and I was your biggest fan for all this time.”

Something in him shifted. It felt like someone had woken him up from a weird haze, and showed him how much colour there is to the world. You joined for him. Not for Mina, not for Gen, but him. To you, he was a hero. To the one he treasured most, he was irreplaceable.

“I love you too,” he said, with the softest smile you had ever seen from him. He was serious, you could tell.

“No way,” you said.

“I do,” he said, but he could tell that you were a little skeptical, or at least puzzled. “I love the way you work hard, the way you joke around, but actually care so much. I love the way you give everything your all. I love the way you always smile when you see me— it makes me feel so special. You make my day, absolutely every single day.”

It took everything in you to stop yourself from sobbing, but that made Hoshina laugh. He kissed you this time, and tears rolled down your cheeks anyway.

Wiping your cheeks with the pad of his thumb, he kissed you on the forehead.

“I absolutely adore you.”

BONUS:

Later that day, you were going to open up the one cardboard box you still hadn’t unpacked. The one filled with your posters and merch of Hoshina you had collected through these years. You were hiding them, because you thought it’d be a little too weird if you had those just hanging around, but finally, they’d see the sunlight. You would never have even imagined this day when you had those in your room, dreaming of him. If only you could tell your past self— just how thrilled you would’ve been. Well, not that you were any less thrilled now.

The next time Hoshina came to visit you in your room, he was utterly flustered, it was absolutely adorable. He couldn’t believe people actually bought the merch they sold of him, let alone put them up— and in the room of his loved one nonetheless. But he’d be lying if he said he didn’t like it, because it made him so incredibly happy.

He was thrilled that you did, in fact, love him the way he loved you.

[elllisaaa]

how skz would confess to you

-> words count : about 4.5k words (sorry guys, I was taken away lol)

-> genre : skz members crushing on you

-> warnings : a lot of cutness

-> sorry if I made any mistakes, english is not my first language

-> reblogs and feedbacks are appreciated !

-> masterlist | skz masterlist

BANGCHAN - MEANINGFUL

first of all, I feel like chan would be the type to smile whenever you're around, and especially if you're talking to him

he would giggle all the time and laugh at every one of your jokes, event the worst ones

that being said, i can really picture him writing you a song to confess to you.

he knows that there is a great chance that you reject him, and that maybe he is wasting his time, but chan can't help it : you're his inspiration for everything lately, he can at least do it to thank you.

he would spend all his limited free time working on this song because he wants it to be perfect, to perfectly reflect how he sees you and how much he loves you for who you are. 

will ask changbin to listen to it and give him his opinion, to which he responded “if they don’t accept your confession with that, i will.” he got smacked. 

he forbbade you to come to the studio in fear that you would end up finding out about the song before he finished it, and you didn’t understood why but you did it anyway, thinking that perhaps he was too busy

so when he invited you over again, you came immediately, already prepared to spill the tea from these past weeks to him as soon as you stepped in. 

but before you could even finish saying hello to him, he made you sit down on his chair, and put his headphones on your ears. 

“please, listen to it until the end.”

you only nobbed, thinking that he maybe needed your opinion on a song he was working on. 

but as you listened to it, tears filled up your eyes, your heart melting when you heard the meaningful lyrics.

all this time, chan was watching you, waiting impatiently for your reaction, but not expecting you to jump on him to hug him tightly. 

“I suppose that you like it ?” he said, chuckling when you nobbed with your head nuzzled in his neck.

“I don't like it, I love it !” 

You finally met his eyes which were filled with adoration, smiling brightly and cupping his face to be as close to him as possible, as if what you wanted to say to him was a secret, just between the two of you.

“- And I love you Channie, I love you so much. And I’m not as talented as you with words, but I will remind you everyday how much you mean to me.”

Before he could say anything, your lips were on his and his arms circled your waist, closing the gap between your bodies. He rested his forehead against yours as soon as you needed to let go of his mouth to breathe, a big smile on his face, showing his dimples. 

“- I love you too.”

“you’re my muse.”

LEE MINHO - FLIRTY

he’s definitely gonna flirt with you so much, teasing you every chance he gets.

but as much as he likes bickering childishly with you, he knows when to stop or when he goes too far.

you didn’t think much of it, because it was minho : of course he would tease you, like he did with everyone else. 

the other members would always tell you that he was so much more gentle with you than with them, but you wouldn’t believe them

to you, minho was just very playful, there was nothing special in the way he treated you. 

he wouldn’t know if you’re just not interested, or if you really didn’t notice how differently he treated you

he was never pushing it too far, he let it slide every time you would tease him back, even if he had almost killed his members for doing the same things, just because it was you.

so to say he was a little desperate was an understatement, he was even starting to lose hope.

he would ask jisung if he thinks that you like him, ask for advice and then proceed to threaten the poor boy to not say anything about his soft spot for you to the other members.

it would take him courage, really. because even if he always try to look confident, he is shaking on the inside every time he is around you

every smile and laugh of yours makes his heart flutter so much its scares him at times

so he would tease you even when confessing.

i feel like he would be the type to describe the person he is interested in in front of you, smirking at himself when you don’t understand that he’s talking about you

“- Don’t act like you don’t need my company ! Your life would be so boring without me !

-  Actually… I kinda have a crush on someone.”

Minho smirks at seeing your visibly confused look, surely not expecting him to get suddenly so serious while you were joking around just seconds later. 

“- Oh… Really ?

- Yeah. They are beautiful, and smart. It’s like I have known them forever, I’m so comfortable around them. They are amazing, talented, they are putting so much effort into everything they do and honestly I have so much admiration for them I don’t think I deserve them.

- They seem… Really incredible. I hope you’ll be happy with them.”

You tried to smile but deep down, you were a little hurt. You had finally decided to believe what the other said, finally let yourself think that he was maybe sharing your feelings. And now this… But Minho’s chuckling made you come back to reality. 

“- I’m talking about you silly, it’s you that I love.”, he said, engulfing you in a warm hug. 

“- You… You really think all of that about me ?” you asked, nuzzling your head in his neck.

“- Of course. I know that I’m not the best at showing it, but don’t ever question what I feel for you.”

You raised your head from his neck, your eyes diving into his, seeing them sparkling with joy. 

“- Then don’t think I don’t deserve you. I love you too Minho.”

“how did i get so lucky ?”

SEO CHANGBIN - DIRECT

I think changbin would be very shy with you at first. 

he would be so impressed by your looks, thinking that you have an incredible charisma and personality. 

would stutter and stumble on his words everytime he would talk to you, thinking that he was looking like an idiot

but honestly, you were just finding that so cute, that he was so amazed by you that he was too shy to even look you in the eyes for more than two seconds.

plus you had seen how he was acting around other people, and he was acting much more confident, adding to your soft spot for him.

but as time passed and you grew closer to each other, he found himself being confident around you too

and you loved it, because it meant that he was now comfortable enough around you to be himself

and if you missed his shy self, all you had to do was flirt with him a little. 

he values your opinion so much : when he doesn’t know what to do, he is asking you for advice. 

honestly, it wouldn’t be long for him to realize that if you kept wanting to know him after he acted so ridiculous at first, it was for a reason. 

so for me, he would be very direct, simply coming one day, out of nowhere, and telling how much he loves you. 

“- Could you listen to that and tell me what you think about it please ?”

You simply nobbed and accepted the headphones he was handing you, waiting for him to play whatever he wanted your opinion about. You were actually honored every time he asked you for anything related to his work : after all, he was the one in the industry, knowing what he did, not you. But he always seemed so happy when you’d give him feedback, and you loved to hear everything that he did, so you didn’t mind. 

“- Honestly, it might become one of my favorite songs you made. I don't know how to describe it, but it just has this nostalgic vibe while being so meaningful. I adore it.”

You gave him his headphones back, smiling when you saw that he was already looking at you, so intensely you thought maybe you had something on your face. 

“- I’m in love with you.”

You freezed in your spot, unable to respond at what he just blurred out as it was the most natural thing ever. But then, you smiled again, shaking your head a little while you replaced his headphones on his head, not forgetting to place a soft kiss on his nose. 

“- I’m in love with you too, Binnie.”

“my heart’s beating like crazy.”

HWANG HYUNJIN - CLICHE

hyunjin is an hopeless romantic 

seriously he makes me all fluff on the inside just thinking about how sweet and caring he would be, even as a friend

always there to listen to every one of your worries or stories, always here when you have drama about people he don’t even know to tell 

he loves to cover you in gifts, not too obvious, but like paying for everything when you hang out together, or when you go shopping

100% boyfriend material

what he loves the most about you is that you’re also here for him exactly in the same way and it makes him all warm thinking that you always try to understand him and comfort him

so that being said he wants his confession to be literally perfect because you deserve nothing but the best (i’m single and crying in my bed)

he will plan everything : the place, the time, the day, the words he’s gonna say to you 

but at the same time, he would want it to be more authentic and spontaneous, more real. 

so he’s gonna settle for a place and improvise from here

it’s gonna be the most romantic thing ever, one from these silly movies, but because it’s hyunjin, it’s cute

he would bring you to a picnic at night and then a walk at a park where the flowers are just blossoming. 

“- Wait y/n.”

You turned back, meeting Hyunjin’s big smile as he approached you to put a flower matching the color of your outfits in your hair. He was looking at you with so much adoration in his eyes, it was impossible for anyone around to ignore how in love he was with you. 

“- It’s so pretty Hyun ! Thanks !”

You stood on your tippy toes to kiss him on the cheek, ready to go on with your walk when Hyunjin stopped you again by grabbing your wrist. His face was red, and he himself couldn’t tell if it was because of your kiss or what he was about to say. 

“- I have something important to tell you. Please, don’t interrupt me otherwise I think I will lose my courage forever.”

You chuckled, simply nobbing at his words, and clearly not ready for what was following. 

“- I have to say you are an incredible person, and it’s like you’re the missing piece of my puzzle. We complete each other so perfectly, you understand me so well that sometimes I wonder if you’re real or if I’m just dreaming. But when I open my eyes, you’re still here and I don’t want to let my chance go. I love you y/n, you’re the most important person in my life and you’ll make me the happiest man on this earth if you decided to give us a chance.”

Hyunjin would just have the time to finish his confession before you threw yourself at him, hugging him so tightly it was hurting. But what was more painful was your little sobs and the tears staining the fabric of his shirt as you cried on his shoulder.

“- Are you okay princess ?

- No… You don’t have the right to speak like that to me, it’s too beautiful, I’m gonna die from a heart attack… 

- Does this mean you’re willing to be my girlfriend ?

- Of course ! I would be a fool to say no after this ! And I love you too, I love you so much.”

Even if it was now late at night and the sun was hiding, Hyunjin’s smile was enough to illuminate your whole world.

“I can’t even express how happy I am.”

HAN JISUNG - ACCIDENTAL

he would be the type to be so awkward around you help

i think that he wouldn’t really be shy, rather lost because he don’t know how to act around you

because he wants to impress you but at the same time he doesn’t want you to notice his efforts and to think that he is doing too much

the consequence of that is that he’s really clumsy and always end up doing something weird to you it’s always cute

and while he thinks that he’s embarrassing himself, you just think about it with a smile on your face

please tell him that he’s pretty or every other compliment because he needs them and i can already imagine him blushing and he’s so cute omg 

moving on, that’s why i think he would accidentally confess to you

because let’s be honest, he consider you as way out of his league so he’ll never make a move intentionally

he’ll bottle up his feelings for you, saying that it’s better this way and that you don’t even like him back 

even if everyone can see how fond of him you are, nothing can make him change his mind. 

until this one time you came to him, so excited and happy

“- Ji ! You won’t believe me ! I’m top of the class ! I’m graduating being first of the class!”

Jisung looked at you for several seconds, stunned. He could absolutely believe what you had just said to him. You were the most hardworking person he knew, you put so much effort into your studies it was only natural that you were rewarded like this. His smile was eating his face when he took you in his arms, hugging you tightly and making you spin with him, both of you laughing. 

“- Y/n that’s fantastic ! You’re incredible really ! I was convinced that you would succeed ! You have worked so much for this, I’m so, so proud of you.”

You smiled brightly at him, tears starting to pool in your eyes at these compliments. Because he was your mental support for everything, and it was also thanks to him that you achieved this. 

“- Thank you… Thank you for everything you did for me this year and the past ones, you’re the best support I could ever ask for. And I know I’m not the easiest person to deal with when I’m stressed or overworked, and that happens too frequently, but you’re always here and that means the world to me.

- No, no, no ! You did all the work, I was just there to support you, and I did it because I wanted to. I did it because I love you, that's all.”

Before he could think about it, the three words he was holding in for so long slipped from his mouth so easily. Jisung immediately put a hand on his mouth, like it could help him go back in time. But you just smiled, moving his hand away gently and holding it as you talked.

“- Even if you think that, it’s very important for me because I love you too.”

“that’s the only time I’m glad that I didn’t thought before talking”

LEE FELIX - ROMANTIC

the sweetest human being on this earth really

he will do everything and anything for you, shower you with little gifts that means so much to you, comes running whenever you need him

always careful that you’re comfortable and that nobody bothers you

in conclusion he’s 100% husband material and it’s a fact

so be prepared to receive cute little texts from him throughout the day to make sure you have eaten, drank, took a break

he’s so caring i’m gonna cry i’m so single 

if you’re down, he’ll make you brownies with a note on the box saying all the things you need to hear at the moment 

so that’s why i think he would confess to you in an “indirect” way like that

we all know that he likes to share the songs he likes and listens to with us on the bubble right ?

and he will undoubtedly make a playlist filled with the most beautiful, heart fluttering love songs, and ones that made him think of you. 

he would send you the spotify link on a random thursday evening, under the name “my y/n”

As soon as you saw the title of the playlist, your eyes widened. What did he mean by “my” ? Your heart skipped a beat when you saw the first song of the playlist : it was one of your favorites, that you forced Felix to listen to a hundred times. And as you watched the titles of all the songs, tears filled your eyes. You didn’t know every one of them, but by the titles only, you understood everything. 

And Felix's heart was beating as fast as yours. He couldn’t stop checking his phone and the time since he sent the link. Almost two hours and you hadn’t responded yet. But his thoughts were interrupted by his phone ringing, your number displaying on the screen. His hands were shaking when he picked up the call, and he was sure that his voice was shaking too.

“- Hi sweetheart ! How you doing ?

- Lix… You can’t do that to me… 

- Are you crying ?”

The panic in his voice when he heard you sniffling made you chuckle as you were trying to stop the tears of joys spilling out of your eyes non-stop.

“- Yeah, because of you. You can’t do that to my weak heart, seriously. I don’t think I can express in words how much this playlist means to me. You spend hours collecting these songs just for me and because they made you think of me, and it’s like I’m seeing myself through your eyes. And honestly, it’s the best way you could have confessed, baby. I’m in love with you too. So in love.”

You heard sniffles at the other end of the call, and you both chuckled at this strange scene. You wouldn’t have imagined him confessing this way, but it was so meaningful, so gentle and full of admiration, you didn’t care that it wasn’t an usual one. Because to you, it was the most romantic thing someone ever did for you. 

“can i come over ? i really want to confess my feelings in person and maybe we can have a movie night for our first date ?”

KIM SEUNGMIN - GENUINE

to me, seungmin is someone who loves to have a routine, that certain things in his life are permanent and that it’s really important for him that everything is going like every other day.

for example, he always eat the same thing on saturday nights, or never goes sleeping before making sure that he closed every window

and he’s certainly very attached to these habits

but the thing is the members noticed that he started doing things out of his habits lately 

the reason ? you

yes, he liked to go straight home after a long day of practice but if you asked him to go out with you to eat for example he would go 

even when he’s super tired, he’ll do anything for you and mostly things that he would not do for the boys btw (they’re jealous)

and they know exactly why he goes out of his way for you even if he denies it

so it’s not exactly that he confess to you, it’s mostly that you noticed the things he does for you and not for anyone else

that day, you opened up to him about all the things that were stressing you out lately and you cried a lot obviously

but you were shocked when you noticed his eyes getting wet too

“- Seungmin are you alright ?”

Your worried tone and look made him turn his gaze away from yours, trying to hide his teary eyes. 

“- Yeah, yeah. I’m good. It’s you we're talking about, not me.”

He took a deep breath before looking at you again, visibly shaken but more composed than two seconds before. And you were stunned, because it was the first time ever that you saw him even close to tears. You knew that he hated to cry in front of people, he didn’t want to seem weak or anything. So why with you ? He was comfortable in your presence, you knew that, but that much. How was that possible ?

“- I don’t care about that. I want to know why you were going to cry even though I’ve never seen you do it in front of me since we know each other. And I want to know why you do all these other things for me even when you don’t want to or if it goes out of your habits.”

So you noticed ? Yeah, you noticed. You noticed that he was always taking up on him when you asked him to go shopping on weekends because he hated crowded places. You noticed he always ordered your favorite dishes at the restaurant, even if they weren’t his favorites. But he’d do it anyway because… Well, you didn’t know why and that was the problem. 

“- It’s not a big deal, really.

- Kim Seunmgin, stop lying to me. I know that you like your little habits. So why ?”

He avoided your eyes again, and you started to think that maybe you made him uncomfortable. You were about to say sorry when he took your cheeks in his hands, and soon enough, his lips were on yours. It’s only when he let you go that you fully realized what happened, eyes wide open. 

“- I’m not good with words but I hope you understood how much I like you. I was about to cry because, well, I don’t like to hear that you're suffering and that I’m not here to make you feel better. I want to be by your side all the time, but not only as your friend.”

At this point, words weren’t needed anymore. You just threw yourself onto his arms, making Seungmin laugh when you muttered up an ‘i like you too’. 

“I hope that you understand I’ll continue to do these things for you, because all I want is to make you happy.”

YANG JEONGIN - PURE

he’s such a sweetheart I swear

he’s always there for you, like call him to tell him you need hugs and he’ll be at your door in five minutes, with snacks and ice cream in addition

usually, he just listen to you because he likes your voice so much, and also because he’s not really good at expressing his feelings

even if you’re close, he rarely talks about his emotions, only telling you what is happening without describing how he feels

and sometimes, it makes you a little sad because does that mean he’s not comfortable enough around you ?

but in reality, he just doesn’t know how to say it, how to express it for you to understand

so since he has a hard time expressing them, i think he would confess his feelings through a letter 

and it’s the most sincere, thoughtful, meaningful and beautiful letter ever

“- What’s that ?”

You reached down to grab the envelope that was on the floor, just behind your door. There was just your name written on it, just another thing that made you question who slid it under your door. It was evidently someone who knew where you lived, and you hoped it was one of your friends and not some sort of stalker. You took off your shoes and coat before heading to your kitchen, sitting down on a chair to open the envelope. Inside, there was only one sheet of paper, covered in a neat handwriting. 

“Y/n,

I know I’m not the best at expressing my feelings : I’m not as talented as you when it comes to talking about it out loud. But I think I’m pretty good when it comes to writing, so I hope you’ll understand everything I have in mind through this letter.

Firstly, I have to let you know how much you mean to me. You’re the most important person in my life. From the way you always seem to know exactly what I need even when I don’t say a word about it, to the way you’re so caring and always remember every little detail that I tell you about. It’s like I was meant to be by your side.

Secondly, and even if I think that words can’t express how incredible I think you are, I have to tell you anyway. Because I truly think you are amazing. You’re always fighting for what you think, you’re determined and brave. You’re standing for yourself and for others too because you have the biggest heart ever. And I think that’s what I love the most about you : the fact that even if you can seem cold or mean at first sight, you’re truly so kind hearted and gentle, always willing to help other people. 

And finally, let me tell you how much I love you. For all the reasons that I listed previously and for a thousand more, I fell in love with you. I love you so much that sometimes it scares me. That’s also why I wrote you this letter. Partially because I’m a coward and couldn’t tell you about it in person, but also because it’s easier this way, easier to handle if you reject me.

No matter what your answer will be, I’ll always be there for you. I love you. 

Jeongin.”

You immediately took your phone, and called Jeongin before taking the time to think about it. You didn’t need time, you needed to finally hear him say those three words from his mouth.

“- Y/n ? Are you alright ? Why are you calling me this late ?

- Say it.

- Say what ?

- Say you love me.

- I… I love you. I really love you.”

His voice was shaking, and you couldn’t help but smile at how nervous he was. And you were also happy to finally hear me opening up about his feelings. 

“- Thank you for the letter, it’s the first time I received one and honestly I will cherish it for the rest of my life. I love you too, Jeongin.”

“from now on, expect me to give you a letter whenever you want.”

-> i don't allow any copies, reposts or translations of my works.

[aurumacadicus]

Pride Pockets 17--I Need A Dog's Life

Kink belongs at Pride. I will not be arguing a fact.

Anyway don't think about the fact that Tony can and has played as a pup alone because it will make you sad. As always I choose to cause psychic damage to Bucky whenever possible. No actual sex but lemon just to be safe. You can also find this fic on ao3 (here.) Look out for under the cut!

--

Bucky turned the mask he’d found over in his hands slowly, taking in the details with a sharp, careful eye. It felt rubbery in his hands, but the inside was buttery soft. Seemed breathable, too, as he ran his thumbs under the eye holes. It was shaped like a dog’s head, with a muzzle and ears. There was a black rubber nose and a tongue hanging out of its open mouth. He turned it over in his hands again. The ears attached to it were longer than he expected, ending in scalloped edges, and covered with curly white fur from the scalloped edge up to the top of what he now recognized as a hood.

The hood’s base under the fur was pink. Somehow, while Tony had been explaining everything, he had never mentioned that when he pretended to be a dog, he liked to pretend he was a little pink poodle. He bit back the urge to smile fondly. Tony might run the tapes back later and think he was laughing at him, and it would break the tentative trust between them. He didn’t want to chance Tony even maybe thinking that, especially when it had obviously taken a lot of courage to tell him about it to begin with.

He set the hood on his lap and turned to aim his attention toward the unobtrusive trunk Tony had left out for him to look through, reaching in with careful fingers. There was a bolt of furry fabric, he thought, but then he held it up and realized it was a vest with white faux fur on the outside, curly like a poodle’s hair, just like the ears on the hood. His fingers lingered on it as he shifted where he sat, considering the texture of it, but finally, he picked it up and moved it aside. There was a set of… mitts? Boxing gloves? Bucky reached out for one to look it over. From what he could see, it looked like Tony would put his hands in the mitts and cinch them closed so he could have paws. That was… neat.

Before he could explore further, Bucky sensed eyes on him. He took a moment to wonder if he should pretend that he hadn’t noticed and keep exploring the trunk, but then he decided it was more important for Tony to feel heard, that he would know that Bucky would check in just to make sure everything was still alright. He laid his arm on the trunk and turned to look back toward the closet door, heart breaking a little when he saw Tony peeking in at him, looking bored, even though Bucky knew in his gut that he was terrified.

“So,” Tony said, casually crossing his arms and leaning against the doorway. He cleared his throat, eyes landing on the trunk instead of meeting Bucky’s gaze. “Anything looking like a deal breaker yet?”

Bucky took a deep breath, then let it out slowly, trying to center himself. “Honey, I don’t know how to tell you this, but you pretending that you’re a dog is one of the least weird things about you. You once ate an entire sushi boat by yourself and then looked at me and said, and I quote, ‘I think I hate sushi.’”

“Anyone would say that after eating fifty pieces of sushi,” Tony barked defensively. “And you could have helped me, coward.”

“And you think this cute mask is going to make me leave you compared to what you just said?” Bucky scoffed, looking down at the mask again. His finger trailed over the hood’s nose. “This is adorable. I bet you’re a cute dog.”

Tony said nothing for a moment, staring at him, as if he was looking for even a hint of a lie in his face. Bucky didn’t let any hesitation or confusion show in response. He’d had a lot of practice early in their relationship, when Tony had been waiting for the other shoe to drop. This was too important for any misunderstandings. Yeah, it was technically pretty weird, but not in a way that put Bucky off—just in a way that made him want to understand more.

“…I’m always cute,” Tony finally said, and Bucky would allow himself a relieved fist pump later. He shifted on his feet, then finally took a step closer, bending at the waist to peer into the trunk. “Anything in there that you don’t understand?”

“Everything’s pretty straightforward, I think,” Bucky said, leaning over to look in as well. “It’s really only the mechanics I think I have questions about, but, you know, I’m a quick study.”

“Yeah,” Tony agreed, finally dropping to his knees beside the trunk so he could paw inside, examining the contents as if he hadn’t been the one who put them there. “Worst case scenario, I just play by myself. I’ve done it before, so it’s no big deal.”

Bucky didn’t do him the disservice of insisting he could play with him despite his reservations. Tony had only explained the barest bones of what he liked to do, and that was just… dress up like a dog. Which, he decided, staring at the furry vest and the paw mitts, was probably a healthier outlet for him than overworking or drinking, things he’d used to do in his youth. “Why is your mask pink?” he asked as Tony finally pulled out a harness with a tail on it.

Tony lifted his head to blink up at him placidly. “Oh. Because I like being a bitch in heat sometimes, and it helps remind handlers to call me a good girl,” he answered, and Bucky choked on a gasp and started coughing. Luckily, he saw fit to ignore Bucky’s surprise to continue, “It’s been a while since I’ve done that, though. It’s no fun pretending to be in heat if there isn’t a stud around to do something about it—”

“I can be a stud,” Bucky croaked. He wasn’t quite sure what that might entail, but if his minor understanding of dog breeding was accurate, he could extrapolate.

Tony lifted his head to give him a slow, disbelieving blink, hands still buried in the trunk. “…Are you just offering that because you like having sex with me? Or are you trying to do something for me?”

Bucky instinctively balked at the question, but then he took a moment to regroup, before he said something that might hurt both of them. He considered the question instead of jumping to defend himself. Was he only asking because he liked having sex with Tony? He was offering up something a lot more intimate than he had before. Sex was good, but this was a kink Tony had, and it had taken him quite a lot of courage to admit it. He didn’t want Tony to think he wasn’t taking him seriously.

He tried to imagine Tony in the hood he was still holding, the vest with its immaculate curls and the mitts with pink paw prints on the underside. Tony barking and crawling around on all fours like a dog. He tried to imagine himself doing the same thing. He pushed past the instinctive ‘that’s weird’ and ‘I could never,’ because he never would have expected Tony to be able to do it either, and he apparently enjoyed it enough that he was willing to do it by himself, even if his partner couldn’t see the appeal.

It might be nice, to be able to clear his head and just… be someone else. Something else. Not Bucky Barnes, recovering assassin and prisoner-of-war. Sometimes he still felt the need to run away, or got stuck in his head. The idea that he could escape all that, if only for a moment, to be someone who just focused on the next bowl of food or next belly rub… Something that got to pad around the house, and make noise, and sleep whenever he wanted, to take up space and…know he was taken care of. It didn’t sound terrible. At all.

Bucky cleared his throat, then haltingly answered, “I like having sex with you. But. I think. I mean, it wouldn’t hurt to try. I don’t… need all the fancy stuff. Just the hood and the. Tail probably.” He looked back down at the hood in his hands, thumbs stroking over its cheeks. “I want to make you happy. And. Sex is… normal. Not normal—comforting? Something I know how to do. I could probably figure it out as a… a dog. I mean, it’ll probably actually be easier that way, won’t it? Pure, uh, animalistic need.” He sucked in a deep breath carefully, then looked back up at Tony. “So I guess. I’m asking you for both reasons.”

Tony stared at him for a long time, eyes lingering on the hood Bucky was still gently stroking his thumbs over before drawing them back up to meet Bucky’s. “I don’t think you’d make a particularly convincing poodle. Poodles are smart.”

Bucky blinked, mouth dropping open in shock. When it registered that Tony had dropped a joke on him, he couldn’t help a bark of laughter. “Hey!” Tony offered a shy smile, and Bucky took that as a sign that the eggshells he’d been carefully stepping over had been swept away. “I can be a different dog. Crossbreeds are popular these days, aren’t they?”

Tony hummed thoughtfully, leaning back on his hands. “Hm. I’ve won awards. My owner would probably only want to breed more poodles than waste a pregnancy on mutts.”

Bucky felt his face twist into a filthy leer, but he couldn’t stop it if his life depended on it. He leaned in toward him, licking his lips as Tony slanted him a coy look from under his lashes. “Tony. Are you by chance referencing my fantasy where this ol’ Brooklyn boy seduces and ruins a Manhattan socialite?” Tony tipped his head, not answering, but his eyes glanced back at the hood in Bucky’s lap. It clicked for him then exactly what Tony was trying to do—to make it something he could get off on doing, too. He raised an eyebrow. “I’ve seen this movie. Natasha bullied me into watching it with her as part of my ‘reintroduction.’ I’m not sure how I feel about making a Lady and the Tramp sequel.”

“They already made one, and I’m still mad you guys covered the fifties and sixties while I was out of town,” Tony retorted, scowling. “I wanted to watch The Sword in the Stone with you guys. I had a lot of opinions!”

“You own several versions of Arthurian legend. I gleaned your opinions,” Bucky said, but Tony was already extolling the virtues of each iteration of the Arthurian legend, up to and including children’s books, and he knew the puppy play thing was going to be tabled for a while.

.-.

To Bucky’s mortification, as he was mulling everything over later, the idea of entwining his fantasy into something with dogs… didn’t necessarily seem weird, or even particularly difficult. Tony had indulged him in his fantasy several times, and tweaking it here and there so he was a dog horny jerk sullying Tony’s reputation was… doing something for him. Mounting Tony with the looming threat of an angry owner sent a thrill through him, especially as he compared it to his fantasies where he was snatching a sought-after beau out from the claws of other wealthy socialites who his parents had actually wanted to match him with.

He found himself checking out websites for different styles of hoods. Something… tougher. As tough as a mask could be, anyway. He couldn’t help but wonder what Tony would like. He wanted it to be good for him. It had taken a lot for him to admit that he partook in puppy play, and Bucky had noticed that Tony had held himself tight, as if he was getting ready to run, or… preparing for a blow. He tried not to think about Tony’s issues too much, but it was fucking hard sometimes. It made him work harder to make him happy. But every surprised smile that Tony gave him was worth it.

Bucky finally decided on a brown hood with pointed ears. It was less cutesy than Tony’s poodle one, and it appeared to have a wider mouth, which he wanted so that he was less likely to be triggered by the memory of the muzzle he’d had to wear under Hydra. He sent the link over to Tony with a simple question mark. He didn’t really know what else to say, after all. He wasn’t as invested in this as much as Tony was, so he’d go with his preferences.

Have you ever considered wearing a knotted sheath on your dick? was the only response he got back, and Bucky sat back in his seat to stare at the wall and wonder if he would ever know everything about this time—or, barring that, everything about Tony.

.-.

Luckily, Tony was okay with him foregoing the sheath thing. “It was a bit much to expect when you’ve never played before, anyway,” Tony had said, packing it away, but luckily, he hadn’t looked mad or even upset about it.

Bucky looked at himself in the mirror and sighed. The hood was a little claustrophobic, but the discomfort was negligible. He’d also decided on a black tank-top to cover his torso, because he’d been feeling the fur on Tony’s vest, and it felt kind of itchy after prolonged experience with it. Tony had offered to buy a different vest, but Bucky saw no point when a fix as simple as a shirt was on the table. Maybe, if they decided they wanted to continue with this, he could; until then, there was no point shelling out for something only to use it once when Tony already liked what he had.

Bucky had put on his leather riding gloves instead of committing to a full paw, and he flexed a hand carefully just to check and see if Tony liked it as much as he usually did. To his gratification, Tony’s eyes slanted over from where he was fixing his vest. He flexed his hand again, until the leather creaked under the strain, and Tony began leaning toward him.

Then he blinked, as if stunned, and reached out to smack the back of his hand into Bucky’s shoulder. “Cut that out.”

“Fine,” Bucky huffed, amused, and lifted both his hands to catch the mitt Tony threw at him in response, apparently unimpressed by how sorry he wasn’t. He loosened the laces so that Tony could easily shove his hand in. “You’re sure you’re okay with me just wearing the hood and tail?”

“Every new pup’s gotta start somewhere,” Tony answered reasonably, twisting his hand back and forth. “I like the laces tied in a bow.”

Bucky shook his head a little, smiling. “Of course.”

Tony waited until Bucky gave his ‘paw’ a little pat, then shoved the other mitt at him. “I didn’t see any knee pads when I was looking through your stuff, so I bought you some.”

“Thanks,” Bucky answered, focusing on tightening the laces on his other mitt. Then what Tony said registered, and he blinked once, twice, before finally looking up at Tony’s face. “Huh?”

“…I only have a couple rugs in the penthouse?” Tony explained slowly, raising an eyebrow at him. “Bucky, I know you heal quickly, but even your knees will be fucking killing you after an hour on my wood floors.”

“Bold of you to assume I’m only gonna mount you for an hour,” Bucky retorted immediately. Then he actually thought about how it would feel for his knees to be on Tony’s wood floors for an hour and winced.

“You’re such a fucking dumb ass,” Tony sighed, but he looked endlessly fond instead of annoyed. He shook his head with a slight roll of his eyes, then nodded down his body.

Bucky obediently looked down, eyes skipping over the furry vest. They lingered on his dick for a moment, but then got distracted by the leather straps of the harness holding Tony’s tail up. Tony looked good in leather. He should bring that up later. Get him some other harnesses, maybe.

“Further down, Casanova,” Tony ordered, but he couldn’t quite keep the amusement out of his voice.

Bucky blinked, trying to remember he was looking for a reason beyond ‘yes, Tony is attractive, and I get to look.’ He dropped his eyes further, trying to see what Tony wanted him to. And there, wrapped around Tony’s knees, were a pair of lightly scuffed, white knee pads. “Oh.” He looked up at Tony with a huff of affront. “Those weren’t in the trunk.”

“They need to be cleaned more often, so I just do them all at once,” Tony answered with a shrug. “You know I have like. Three pairs in the workshop, too. So doing them all together is just easier.”

Bucky blinked again. “I did not know you had three pairs of knee pads in the workshop.”

Tony stared at him for a moment, mouth dropping open. Nothing came out for several seconds, though, and that was all the warning Bucky got before Tony turned and grabbed up a spare shirt between his gloves. Then he started thwapping him with it with more force than he would have thought possible with his hands stuck in his paw mitts. “Of course I have knee pads for the workshop, you idiot! You’re lucky my knees even fucking work after I crawl out from under a car! My knees have been in use longer than you’ve been fucking awake!”

“Okay,” Bucky answered, hands flying up to block the fabric’s dull ‘thwap’s. “Okay! I get it.”

Tony smacked him one last time, just for good measure, scowling. “I should take back the pair I bought for you.”

“You should,” Bucky agreed, rubbing a hand over his face. “I’m sorry that I forget your joints are old. Is that what you want to hear?”

“…You could grovel a bit,” Tony decided, allowing Bucky to take the shirt from between his mitts.

Bucky hooked his hand behind Tony’s neck and dragged him in, pressing his lips into his throat through the hood’s mouth so he could feel his pulse kick up rabbit-fast against them. “What if I rub your feet when we’re done instead? I don’t really want to grovel in a dog get-up.”

Tony hummed, reluctantly pulling himself away so he could give Bucky a long once-over. “It would be weird,” he agreed petulantly. “Even for me. But! I want a half an hour on each foot.”

“Sure,” Bucky replied, amused. He took a moment to stretch his shoulders, first one side and then the other, just to watch the way Tony’s eyes lingered on them, before he reached out to grab the knee pads that Tony had kindly purchased for him. “Well. I suppose I’ll meet you out in the living room.”

Tony gave him a long, slow blink, then nodded in agreement, turning to leave the closet so he could go… prepare? Bucky still wasn’t really sure he understood what Tony meant about getting into ‘the right head space.’ “Don’t forget to test the knee pads out to make sure they’re on right,” he added over his shoulder. “It sucks when you’re halfway through a fuck and you realize your knee pad’s coming off and your knee is starting to hurt.”

“Huh!?” Bucky barked after him, because it sounded like Tony was speaking from experience and as it turned out, he really wanted to know what that experience was, but Tony swanned out without another word before he could corner him about it.

[frenchkisstheabyss]

♡SKZ React to Finding Out About Your Piercing In A…Certain Area♡

♡ I couldn't ask for a more unique assortment of requests to be sent my way. I love creating content for you guys. Thank you @lieslovefantasy for the request & I hope you find comfort in it ♡

♡ Pairings: ot8!skz x fem!afab!reader

♡ Genre: fluffy/suggestive

♡ Summary: You're nervous to tell the guy you're dating about your genital piercing, fearful of what he might say, but his actual reaction surprises you...

Warnings: This entire post focuses on genital piercings (nothing graphic or detailed) but if convos about vaginas make you uncomfortable then this isn't the post for you. There's also expression of sexual urges but this contains zero sexual contact ♡

I'm not a pierced gal but, if you're at all curious about it, you can find a guidebook here put together by a pro who's been doing it for ages. Stay safe babes

There's a spicier version here ♡

♡ Han's reaction can only be described as utter confusion. He hears what you're saying but it takes him a minute to process what you actually mean. None of this is because he finds it weird or unattractive that you got pierced. It's just that, up until this conversation, he didn't even know you could do that. He's genuinely fascinated though and, after a minute or so, he's staring at you with this wholesome curiosity in his eyes, like you're some work of art, eager to learn all there is to know about this new detail that makes the girl he's falling for even more interesting than she already is ♡

♡ Seungmin's convinced that you're joking. It's not unusual for you guys to say the most random thing that pops into your head just to see how the other will react so he decides to call your bluff, asking to see it since you really have it. You show him with no hesitation, holding your breath in anticipation of the usual smart ass comment leaving his lips and making you wish you hadn't told him, only it doesn't. Instead of saying something off the wall, he compliments your choice of jewelry and tells you how well it suits you. Yes, it's true that he typically takes great joy in being a pain in the ass about things but when it comes to you and your body he never wants you to question how loved it is by him ♡

♡ Felix senses right away that you're worried sick about how he'll feel. Interlocking his fingers with yours, he plants soft kisses along the back of your hand. He smiles at you, warm and gentle, assuring you that there's nothing you need to be nervous about. While he's absolutely clueless when it comes to piercings like this, it doesn't make him view you any differently than he already did. You're still the same charming, intelligent, funny girl that he has been and will always be obsessed with. Whenever you're comfortable showing it to him he'll be giddy about having the chance to see it. There's no doubt in his mind that he'll find it as beautiful as he does the rest of you ♡

♡ I.N has this friend who's best friends with a girl whose older brother's girlfriend got the same piercing as you which naturally means that, through information passed down to him, he's basically an expert on the topic. One thing though, he heard it doesn't really hurt. Something something about adrenaline. Is that true? How'd it feel? He apologizes, cuddling up to you, figuring you probably don't want to have flashbacks of that part. Either way, adrenaline high or not, he thinks you're so cool for getting it done. It's a decision that takes a lot of courage and knowledge of your identity to get done which he admires. You are, without a doubt, the most badass girl he's ever dated ♡

♡ Hyunjin has actually seen female genital piercings before. An artist friend of his did a photo series on it last summer meant to educate people on the 1001 different reasons that women choose to get them done. For some of them it had cultural or personal significance, for others, it was a spur of the moment decision they made simply because they wanted to do it. Which one is it for you? You don't have to tell him if you aren't ready but, if you choose to, you'll have his undivided attention and he'll cherish every word that leaves your lips the same way he always does. The fact that the two of you have gotten to the point that you feel safe enough to be this vulnerable has him getting low key sentimental ♡

♡ Lee Know isn't trying to be a perv or anything. He just doesn't understand how you could feel nervous about telling him something that's so insanely fucking hot. From what he's learned from 5 minutes of intently scrolling the internet, there's a chance that your piercing would make intimacy far more sensitive for you than it is for the average woman. That mischievous grin on his face says that he's more than willing to help you test it out if you haven't already. You roll your eyes when he throws out the idea that maybe he should get one too. He insists that his pain threshold is more than adequate to make getting it no big deal. After being reminded that it's not a competition, he calms down, his mind drifting back to how much fun it'll be to experiment with yours ♡

♡ Bang Chan admittedly has a hard time switching out of dad mode sometimes, often forgetting that he's with you and not his members. His instinct to make sure you're alright has him asking you how your healing went, how the experience was for you overall, and if there's anything he should or shouldn't do when you're being intimate that way he can make sure you only feel pleasure when the two of you are together. As touching as it is that he cares so much, you're a big girl and you feel safe enough with him to express your needs when they come up. You kiss him, promising him everything's fine but you'll let him know if anything changes, and he snaps out of it. He may be prone to worrying but it's only because you're so crazy important to him ♡

♡ Changbin's hugging you from behind when you tell him and this admission only makes him hug you tighter. He kisses your cute lil cheek and throws out a casual, "Oh...nice." It kind of breaks your brain that he's so unphased by finding this out. In the past when you've told people there's been some sort of reaction but you're pretty sure you'd get a stronger reaction out of him if you asked what he wanted for dinner. You question if that's all he has to say and he just shrugs, feeling that there's nothing else to say. He adores everything about the way that you express yourself externally. From the way you do your makeup and hair to the way you dress, he's always drooling over whatever you do. Anything you add to that wonderful base you have is just a bonus ♡

[katsuthelittlekitten]

Requested by @iloveyall-18 it was a really nice idea 🥰🌹

Many teachers flirting with reader ( teacher ) and r not paying any attention to them but Larissa still getting really jealous and all so she tries to win r over with cute little acts such as buying her flowers , getting her hot chocolate, etc and then towards the end Larissa confesses about her feelings and jealousy and r says smth like “

Aww rissa i didn’t flirt with them because you’re the one I want “ “ I chose you “ and kiss - The end 😜🫶🏼

People flirting with you in nevermore wasn't really new anymore. You had gotten a lot of attention the second you started working at the school two weeks ago. After all you knew how pretty you were and wasn't that much surprised when you received praises and compliments from teachers and sometimes even from student when walking in the corridors.

It was gratifying really, of course it was but you never really cared about them or did anything when it occured.

You just wasn't Interested and that because the only women you really cared to receive sweet words from, was Larissa Weems.

Unfortunately for the tall blonde though, she wasn't aware of that detail. So every time she had the unpleasant occasion to see someone flirting with you or giving you attention, the principale would get insanely jealous.

It was impossible for her to stop the pain she felt went you looked at someone else's or when you flash them one of your perfect smile, because Larissa just wished you'd give them all to her instead.

I mean could you really blame her, you were perfection in her eyes and she loved you with everything she was, so her natural instinct just wanted to have you to herself.

Honestly, for Larissa it was feeling like loosing you more and more every time someone would come to you and try their chances.

I mean, in a way it was normal for her to feel like that because she wasn't has open with her emotions toward you than the other's.

But god, if she knew.

If she knew how much you loved her to, then maybe it would have saved her from all the trouble she went through to get your attention.

Not that you didn't liked the multitude of flower bouquets and chocolate boxes that you received, including the little poems she wrote to you from time to time.

They were just adorable and full of love, a real confession of Larissa's feelings in your opinion. That's when you realised how stupid you've been really. Why did you wait so long to just confess yours to her if she had the same feeling you had.

Really maybe the only thing needed was for one of you to find the courage and confess.

She loved you and you loved her.

So what were you both waiting for?

Well that's what you would actually learn today since you've finally decided the time had come for you to confront the women and tell her how much you loved her and only had eyes for her.

After teaching your classes of the day, you had immediately picked your stuff and made your way to the principal's office none invited. You knocked on her door and waited for an answer.

Yes please come in!

A cute smile appeared on your face when you heard her voice and just gently entered the large office. You walked to Larissa's desk looking into her eyes like entranced and just stood in front of it silent for a second, a bit flustered.

Larissa observed your shy and adorable form standing just in front of her desk. You just looked...so cute and her breath tighten a bit at the view. God how much she loves you.

Well, hi sweetheart, how could I help you this nice afternoon.

The principal said with a nice and gentle voice, accompanied by one of her perfect smile.

Your eyes met hers for a moment and you felt a bit stressed and unsure suddenly but you took your courage into you own hands and asked what you wanted to know.

Larissa...do you...do you love me? Please I...I need to know it's important.

The blondes eyes opened wide at how frank and direct you are and just stare at you for a good minute. She looked absolutly frozen and you started to doubt her answer...but she actually blushed and seemed shy suddenly.

Oh y/n...

She said before actually standing up from behind her desk and walking to you. She was so tall and now that she was in front of you, you actually needed to angled your head to look into her eyes. Larissa then, moved an hand to your cheek and caressed it gently.

Of course I love you darling...since the first time I looked at you in fact, but...I don't seem to be the only one in this school anyway.

Larissa said with a archer tone and maybe...anger.

They all seems to swoon when they see you, I can't really blame them...after all you are the cutest thing I've ever seen.

After saying this, your women walked to her drink table and poured herself a whisky. She seemed a bit annoyed and maybe...jealous.

You blushed so hard at her comment and just smirked amused and flattered. Coming form her it was just heaven and you wanted to kiss her so bad. None the less, you didn't skipped the part about the others "swooning" at you and you frowned a bit. Was Larissa jealous? Of the other teachers, seriously it would be ridiculous you only ever had eyes for her. But...she didn't know that. Oh...

Well now you understand why she was sending you all this...she was trying to get your affection because she taught she didn't had it...Oh Larissa.

You felt an overwhelming need to tell her how much you loved her and your body instinctively walked back to her and you took her free hand in yours. Your eyes met hers again and you smiled with so much love.

Larissa...I love you.

It only ever has been you.

Didn't you realised that I never flirted with them back. It's because you’re the only one I want "I chooses you".

Larissa took a sharp intake of breath when you said that to her...god knows how long and how bad she actually wanted to hear that from you. She was speechless and the only thing she could muster was to lay down her glass and take your face between her hand to kiss you passionately.

For a moment you were stunned by it but you rapidly kissed her back with as much love and affection you could muster. It felt just perfect, soft and full of love and you wondered why you both waited so long.

When the two of you ended up parting to take your breath, Larissa's eyes were shining like stars and she seemed genuinely happy. Her hand started to play with your hair and you smiled happily at her.

I can't believe we waited so long to do that...and I'm sorry for being compleatly blind and not seeing what was in front of myself y/n...I was just so jealous.

It's ok Rissa, we both were acting like children's to be honest, the important is that now we know. The only person I need to swoon over me is you I love you.

You said proud of yourself and with a big smile on your face. You looked adorable and the blonde only chuckled, before hugging your body to hers tightly.

You really are the cutest my angel, I love you to.

Of course you both kissed back after this...and many many times more. Why not after all now nothing could keep you from matching up with the time you lost.

[bentnotbroken1fanfiction]

There's not a lot of things Max does that go unnoticed by Billy. He seems to just know things. He always knows where she is, who she's with, what she's doing with her time….

But there's one thing he is completely unaware of and Max knows he'd kill her for sure if he ever did find out…

That when he's absolutely plastered, eyes glazed over and breath smelling of booze, or after he's taken a particularly bad beating from his Dad and has passed out cold….

She takes pictures of the evidence. 

She doesn't know what compelled her to start doing it, but one night she just followed the impulse and grabbed the camera her father had sent her for Christmas. It had been past midnight when she'd heard him slink back into the house and she'd waited a good hour after that to make her move.  He'd been slumped against his bed, stinking of whiskey and dead to the world when she'd shut the door behind her. His black eye from earlier had looked so much worse than when he'd left. It was big, dark and ugly against his pale washed out face and there was a circle on his cheek bone that looked like the inverted insignia of Neil's ring. 

That fucking bastard.

She'd raised the camera….

Click. 

Click. 

Click.

The photos fluttered down at her feet and she'd scooped them up and fled the room as quickly as she could, terrified that he'd wake up and kick her ass for being in there. For seeing him vulnerable. 

For taking photos of that vulnerability. 

Her fear of him didn't stop her from coming back and doing it again, though. 

No.

She'd gone back....

Again and again. 

Any time she knew he wouldn't hear her, wouldn't feel her lift his shirt. Wouldn't notice he'd been moved. 

She'd gotten disturbingly good at it. 

At documenting the injuries. 

Black eyes, busted lips, bloody noses. 

Click click click. 

Finger shaped bruises on his arm, a partial bootprint on his abdomen. 

Click click.

The imprints of a belt buckle on his back. 

Click. 

And every time he sneers at her, yells at her, makes a nasty remark, she reminds herself that this is why he does it. It's not because he is angry at her. It's because he is angry at his situation. He's pissed because he is alone and he's trapped.  

He's been imprisoned in this house a million miles away from anyone that cares about him while she's been made into one of his unwilling jailers, or maybe even a noose around his neck. 

One wrong move from either of them and he wears the consequences on his skin. 

And it just keeps getting worse. 

Neil has had a hair trigger lately and Billy can't even breathe in his Dad's direction without facing his ire. 

And it's been going on long enough that Max has a shoebox full of polorioids in her hands and she's going to throw up. 

Because it's now or never. 

She has a chance to finally put a stop to her brothers torture. She has a box full of evidence. Neil can't talk his way out of pictures. Billy didn't do all of this to himself. 

She can do this. She can...she just needs a little help. She doesn't think she has the courage to do it alone...

So, she takes a deep breath and opens the glass door. She hears Steve's greeting but she doesn't respond. She just sets the box on the video store counter and pushes it toward him. 

"What's this?" Steve asks, fiddling with the lid but not opening it. He looks up at her and his face looks as wary as she feels.

"It's about Billy, "She says, licking her lips nervously. "I think I need your help." 

[nothingtoseeherebyeexx]

Delicate, Chapter Three: Cinnamon Girl

here we go again! same disclaimers as last time. important talks and a long awaited reunion <3

< prev chapter next chapter >

Narcissa was conflicted, her smile tight as she took in the news.

She and Mary had been invited to a party by Lily Evans.

Lily Evans, who was extremely close to Alice Fortescue.

Alice Fortescue, that who surely going to be present at aforementioned party.

Did Alice know she had been invited? How did she feel about it? Was she the reason Lily had asked for Narcissa, specifically, as Mary’s plus one?

And then, how would Alice react when they saw each other again? How was she? Did she think about her, from time to time?

“You don’t look as excited as I expected. What’s wrong?” Mary interrupted Narcissa’s spiralling, bringing her back to reality. A party at the Potter’s meant a lot of celebrities and therefore the possibility to make oneself known: it was a chance too good for Mary to miss. However, Narcissa was bound to behave in some stupid, pathetic way and she needed Mary to stop her in case she started demolishing her public image by, let’s say, bursting out crying in front of her late teenage love.

“Sit down, I’m going to tell you a story. But you’ll have to promise me you won’t ask any questions until I’m finished, okay?” Narcissa said as she took Bunny from her tank and let her slither around her arm, because for some obscure, probably-rooted-in-her-troubled-childhood reason, it brought her some comfort.

Narcissa sat on the carpet, Mary mirroring her and not speaking a word. She looked worried, and that made something melt in Narcissa’s chest: she hadn’t felt like this since Andy (and Bella, in a way) left, when she was still a little innocent girl sharing little innocent secrets with her sisters. It happened a lot with Mary, an overcoming feeling of nostalgia that was only accentuated by the way the girl seemed to have adapted to Narcissa’s house, by learning in which drawer she kept the spoons, which switch turned on each light, which doors tended to fly open with a smack if you opened them too quickly.

God, she was getting soft.

“You know I went to a conservatory, Hogwarts, right?” Narcissa began.

Mary just nodded, without interrupting her.

“I attended that boarding school for five years, so basically my whole adolescence. I was already professionally trained when I started, obviously, and private teachers were much stricter than the ones at school, so I have always been ahead of my classmates and I found myself with a lot of free time and freedom, especially compared to my life back home. I was never quite able to shake off the feeling my parents were watching me, though, so I never had the courage to really break their rules. That was until a new girl showed up, at the beginning of my third year.” She couldn’t help the smile that naturally bloomed on her lips, her gaze fixed on Bunny.

“Her hair was a mess of curls, her smile a bit crooked, her tie always out of place. Subconsciously, I knew she was the exact opposite of what my parents approved of, so I immediately despised her. However, fate decided it would have been funny to tie our lives together, and since my roommate had coincidentally graduated, the two of us ended up sharing a room. And I’m forever glad it happened, Mary. This is the part where things start to get really personal, okay?”

“My lips are sealed.” Mary replied, raising her palms in surrender. She had gotten a little closer, moved by curiosity.

“They better be. Anyway, this girl took guitar lessons and I had piano, but we still shared singing classes together. Oh, Mary…I will never forget the first time I’ve heard her singing. I remember thinking, and it is a big compliment considering where I grew up, that I was lucky for witnessing the beginning of something so great. You see, I have been raised to become a singer, to use my voice as a means to get richer and greater, but I still felt like an amateur standing next to her. Not because her technique was better than mine, the teachers always praised me more,” Narcissa added, aware she sounded ostentatious, “but she had this energy, this unique style that wasn’t…fabricated, like mine. I stood next to her, and I realised the way I sung might have been flawless and pleasing to the ear, but it could never be anything more. It was never going to feel real.”

Narcissa paused, trying to find the right words to continue this conversation.

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” Mary tried to come to her rescue, but Narcissa shook her head.

“It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just…hard to voice these thoughts for the first time. I’ve never told this to anyone,” Narcissa replied, a bit bashful. “At the time of the story, my relationship with my sisters was already a mess, and we didn’t talk much. But you already know that, the media made sure of it.” She added, bitterly.

She had grown used to it, seeing as she had been under flashing cameras since the day she was born. Mary pressed her lips together, looking regretful, like she could’ve just ignored the news spread by paparazzi.

“Because I was a child, the moment I was confronted with this random girl that I considered so much better than me, I got incredibly jealous. I wanted to hate her, I really did. But she was always friendly, laughing at my snarky comments like they were inside jokes, and even when I pulled pranks on her she retaliated like it was a game between the two of us. I like to remember those days as the the chance I had at a normal adolescence.”

“What did you do?”

“I know you’re the one who put that red sock in my white laundry, Black. Since you like pink so much, I’ve mixed some hair dye with your shampoo. Now we match!”

“You-“

“I was mean, at times, but she always reacted in a way that inevitably made me feel like shit. For instance, her parents owned an ice cream parlor, and when I made a snobbish joke about that, she showed up the next day with a giant bowl of every ice cream flavor imaginable. We ate it all in one afternoon.”

“What were you saying about my parents selling ice cream?”

Narcissa took another spoonful and closed her eyes in delight.

“That it is truly one of the most noble and respectable occupations. Wait, what flavour is that?”

“Mmh…Blue?”

“I fell for her smile, her clumsiness, the songs she wrote. She was a poet. Still is. I wanted to be more like her, so we started spending more time together, skipping the classes we didn’t like, hiding in the yard behind the dorms. She smoked and played her guitar, while I simply watched her. I even started writing songs, which wasn’t expected of me by my parents: all my future albums had already been written, hidden in my future manager’s drawer.”

Narcissa noticed that Mary was itching to ask something, probably what happened after that, but she was stopping herself.

It was a cute effort, cute enough to be rewarded.

“We fell in love. We kept it a secret at school, but I knew she expected to make it official once we were out of there. As you know, however, I had other plans for my future,” then Narcissa added, rolling her eyes, “Well, my parents had other plans. Anyway, we had this huge row, we were both mad at each other, and I said some things that deeply hurt her and that I wish I had never spoken. There, end of the tale.”

Mary was gaping at her, disappointment evident on her face.

“Time for the questions,” Narcissa allowed.

“That can’t be the end! What happened then?” Mary protested quickly.

Narcissa smiled so, so sadly.

“She made a song inspired by the last words I’ve said to her, became worldwide famous because of it, and I’ve had to listen to my worst mistake playing on the radio for ten years. And apparently, we are going to one of her best friends’ party this weekend.”

Mary looked comically horrified. “Oh my God, Narcissa… I had no idea, I’ll just tell Evans we can’t go-“

“No, don’t,“ interrupted Narcissa, “It’s fine, really. Maybe I’m delusional, but…” she sighed, “I just want to see her again. The worst part is that we never got any closure: I just ran away, and she didn’t chase after me. Not like I was expecting her to, obviously.”

Okay, maybe that wasn’t the complete truth. During the first years after their ‘breakup’, Narcissa had wanted nothing to do with Alice, because she had showed her the promise of what could’ve been their future in another life, and it was too good and too far from her family’s expectations.

In the end, though, all that was left was an aching longing that she had put into words with songs that would’ve never seen the light of day. Or so she had thought, before she left her home on a delirious rampage.

Narcissa had hoped for a call, a text, anything really. And yet, the only way she could hear from Alice was on the radio, or through her headphones. She finally had the chance to speak to her, and she wanted to take it oh, so desperately.

“Lily told me your cousins will be there, too.” Mary interrupted the heavy silence, and Narcissa was grateful for the change of topic. Mary had crossed the carpet that divided them, close enough to hug Narcissa if she wanted to.

She decided to let her head fall to the other girl’s shoulder instead- Narcissa had never been too keen on physical contact, and yet this small display of affection was enough to comfort her. It was enough to make her realize she hadn’t been comforted in years. Fuck.

“I figured. I want to talk to them, it’s been so long. I’m so proud of them. Regulus, especially,” Narcissa let her hand travel on the carpet, while Mary listened in silence.

“He left when he was only 18. And he didn’t even go to his brother first, he preferred staying with this girl no one ever heard of.” Narcissa remembered with a smile.

She didn’t know the details of what happened between the two brothers after Regulus’ undertaking, but Sirius had always been very protective of him, even when things were complicated, so she could only imagine how enraged he must’ve been when he discovered he was bested by a woman he had never even seen.

“I think she’s called Pandora Lovegood,” Mary informed her. “She was rumored to be Regulus’ girlfriend, and people on the Internet started to make these crazy theories about the real reasons behind his escape, saying he did it for his ‘forbidden love’. They never confirmed anything, though, and he keeps bringing her as a guest during social events or parties…maybe you can ask him about it this Saturday.”

Narcissa was glad Mary couldn’t see her face, because she was really close to cackling: Regulus, the 12 year-old boy who had a full breakdown in her room because he didn’t want to kiss a girl on the cheek for a movie, with a girlfriend. Simply hilarious.

“I guess I could, yes,” she agreed, her sarcasm going unnoticed.

Her head was still on Mary’s shoulder, the silence between them stretching long but comfortable.

“Mary,” Narcissa called.

“Cissa,” Mary answered.

“Do you have any brothers or sisters?” Narcissa didn’t really know why she asked, or where she wanted the conversation to go. Mary was extremely reserved about family matters, so-

“Yes, I do. I have two brothers, both younger. One is in middle school, the other a few years younger.” Mary’s tone was fond, and even if she was out of Narcissa’s sight, it wasn’t too hard to imagine a small smile on her lips.

“You never talk about them. You’re always working, either at the café or here…don’t they miss you when you’re not home?” Narcissa questioned, feeling bold.

“Oh, well, it’s not like I see them when I get home, since I’ve been living in a hotel for a while now,” Mary explained, sounding embarrassed.

Narcissa was not expecting that.

“You what? Since when?” she asked, startled, moving away from Mary to look at her in the eyes.

“I’ve wanted to leave that house for a while, so I saved some money with my part-time job,” Mary said, ”I moved about a month after signing the contract, when I was sure I could make it by myself.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Narcissa replied, distraught, putting a hand on Mary’s shoulder. “I have asked you to come live with me!”

“No you haven’t?” Mary countered, confused and slightly alarmed by Narcissa’s fervor.

“You want me to come live with you?”

“We spend most of our time together already, I thought it was obvious?” Narcissa answered frantically.

Mary just laughed, uncontrolled and loud. Narcissa pouted.

“Fine, fine! I’ll come live with you, if you’re so desperate to have me around,” she smiled. “I’ll bring my stuff tomorrow, if I can manage. Is that okay with you?”

“Sure, whatever.” Narcissa replied, still looking like a crossed child. They sat next to each other on the floor, letting the silence settle for a while. Mary was good at reading people, Narcissa had learnt. She always seemed to know when someone needed some quiet, or preferred to ramble, and adapted accordingly. Everchanging, constantly camouflaging to survive.

“Why did you ask?” Mary asked.

Narcissa sighed, because one, she was expecting that question, and two, she didn’t know, either.

“Sometimes I hate them. Sirius and Regulus, I mean,” Narcissa explained. “Sure, they fight, seem to hate each other, and their relationship isn’t perfect, but at least it’s there. For my sisters, we’re dead to each other.”

“Have you tried calling them?” Mary suggested, and it should’ve been a silly thing to ask, because of course Narcissa should have tried to call them, it was the most logical thing to do. But she hadn’t. Andromeda left when Narcissa was still controlled by their parents and didn’t try to contact her, not even after her escape. Bellatrix was still proudly part of the family, so Narcissa hadn’t even bothered trying.

“No,” Narcissa replied, defeated. “It’s useless, they went on with their lives. I keep up with the articles about Bellatrix, so I kind of know what’s going on, but Andromeda has completely disappeared. I wonder how she did that.”

And why she didn’t bring me with her.

“…Do you resent her?” Mary whispered, quietly. Narcissa turned to look at her.

“For leaving?”

“Mhm.”

“Well, if I did resent her now it would be hypocritical, since I also ran away. But I used to, yes. Why? Are you worried your siblings might grow to hate you?“

Mary leant back, eyes travelling to the ceiling. Narcissa thought she looked so serious at times, with her gaze lost in thought and her lips clamped shut. Preoccupation made her look older.

“I’m not worried. When the time came, I told my parents it was time for me to enter the real world, that I had found an apartment out of town I could afford and that I was going to call them weekly,” Mary smiled bitterly, her eyes bright with tears Narcissa wasn’t going to address. “They didn’t bat an eye. One less mouth to feed, I guess. My youngest sibling, Theo, told me with tears in his eyes that he was going to miss me, while the oldest, Bingley, felt betrayed. He didn’t say it, but I could see it in his face.” Mary sighed, looking at Narcissa’s neck, where Bunny had slowly found her designated place.

“I know they will understand, if not now when they’re older, then. And if they do not understand, I’ll explain why I left myself.”

“…Why did you do it, though?” Narcissa asked, cautious.

“I did it because I deserve to be happy. Back there I wasn’t in pain, but I was miserable. And I couldn’t pretend like it didn’t affect me, so I packed my stuff and left for a place that allowed me to grow. And here I am,” Mary smiled at her, nudging her arm, making Bunny hiss in agreement.

Narcissa was having severe flashbacks of a conversation she never had, a scene in a parallel universe where her family was slightly less dysfunctional and talking felt a lot more natural. She refused to tear up.

“Why didn’t you ask your brothers to come with you?” She asked, or rather, sobbed. Fuck.

“Because it was risky,” Mary answered, seeming to understand that this conversation had more layers than just simple curiosity. “Although it wasn’t the best, my house offered stability, and I can’t support two more people on my own. When the time comes, they’ll be free to leave and come to me, but I’m not a mother, Cissa, and I don’t have to play the role for them.”

Shit, she was about to cry. Shit, shit, shit.

Did Andy feel like that? Did she also consider taking her sisters with her, when she had left that night?

When Narcissa ran away, three different types of illegal substances numbed most of her feelings, so she couldn’t really draw a comparison between their experiences.

“They won’t understand, Mary. You can’t expect them to.” She replied, managing to make her voice sound a lot firmer than it actually was.

“And that’s fine. I’ll explain when the time comes,” Mary replied, sounding so sure, so calm, so mature for a twenty two year-old.

Then she added, smirking, “Maybe I’ll start by calling them.”

Narcissa shoved her.

~

Lily had informed Alice that she and Mary would soon start working together, but since MacDonald was already quite busy with the release of her debut album, they weren’t going to start writing together for a few more weeks.

Alice was grateful for the delay: Lily was determined to work with Mary, and the girl seemed really close to Narcissa Black.

So, simply put, Alice’s (already trembling) emotional stability was really close to falling apart.

No one knew of their relationship back when they were at Hogwarts, and no one knew that relationship was actually something more than friendship. A something that apparently still meant everything to Alice, and nothing to Narcissa, since after ten years, the first was still unable to move on, and the second had completely erased the other from her life.

But Alice remembered. Oh, she remembered so well.

All her songs revolved around Narcissa in one way or the other: the memory of her, the feelings Alice had for her. Everything, for everyone to hear. She would be lying if she didn’t admit that a small part of her, the weakest, hoped Narcissa heard them, too.

Alice’s creative process wasn’t a journey through emotions or stories she wanted to explore or create, it was an eternal war that always took place on the same battlefield.

The school, the dorm, her lips.

The whispers, the fights, her kisses.

Was it possible for a poet to worship, despise, cherish and reject their own muse all at the same time?

Oh, how a juvenile mistake can change someone’s life. Because that’s was what it was to Alice, a mistake. It should’ve never happened, even if it felt too good to be true, even if it’s what led her to fame.

Even if it felt like love.

Luckily, the possibility of meeting Narcissa were low, even considering Lily’s new project. She was going to work with Mary, not Narcissa, so she was still safe, for now.

Speaking of this Mary, Alice was was looking forward to meeting her: Lily had been talking about her for days, about how fun she was, how talented she was, how she seemed to completely ignore all the rumours about her. So when Lily told her Mary was going to be present on Saturday, Alice was extremely excited.

The party at the Potter’s had already started, and even though the ‘small gathering’ already counted more than seventy people, Peter was still nowhere to be seen: James, Sirius and Marlene had gone to pick him up, so they were going to come back soon. Even Regulus, who was bringing Pandora, still hadn’t shown up, but Dorcas Meadowes was already deep in a conversation with Euphemia Potter and Mrs Zabini, probably discussing Zabini’s next spring collection. Lily was somewhere with Frank and Benji, probably ignoring the champagne glasses in the living room in favour of the vodka shots available in the kitchen.

Since Alice refused to get drunk so soon, she was left chatting with people she didn’t know too well about things she didn’t really care about, but honestly, she was enjoying it. She was just talking to Molly Weasley (neé Prewett) about the challenges and difficulties of growing pumpkins (Molly worked with her brothers in the film industry so what would she know about growing pumpkins, Alice had no clue) when the doorbell rang. She heard Lily stumbling in her heels from the kitchen calling “It’s her! It’s her!”, but since Alice was closer, she went to get it.

She opened the door, and Narcissa Black was on the other side.

She opened the door, and Narcissa Black was on the other side.

And she was beautiful. She looked more mature now, healthier, but her attitude was as confident as ever.

Posture impeccable just like that day they met, when Alice had walked into her future dorm room and had found this blonde girl made of steel and ice staring down at her like she was a stray dog.

Her eyes were bright like every time Alice pulled out a cigarette in front of her, wordlessly convincing her to skip classes and lay on the grass together.

Narcissa looked like beauty and regret.

As time stretched indefinitely, Lily caught up to Alice and leant on the door frame, looking at the girl standing next to Narcissa. Because Mary was there, too.

“Mary, hi! You look gorgeous!” Lily greeted the girl, who thanked her and smiled brightly.

Alice tried to say something to Mary, but she couldn’t get her eyes off Narcissa. Of course she couldn’t, she never managed to.

Then Narcissa did something mad, horrid, monstrous.

She offered Alice her hand and spoke.

“Alice. It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

Lily was now looking at Alice with faux surprise.

“You know each other?” she asked, innocently. Alice glared at her, because she knew Lily knew, and she knew Lily did it on purpose. Alice also instantly knew Marlene was part of this, too.

People these days, can’t even let you handle your problems unhealthily.

Then Narcissa spoke again, and of course Alice gave her her full attention, because she still reacted to her voice like a dog to whistle. Ten years later, still as pathetic as before.

“…You haven’t told them?”

Oh, she was offended. Now that made Alice’s blood boil.

“Ironic, that.” Narcissa added bitterly, letting her hand fall, untouched.

Alice felt her gaze harden, but kept her mouth shut. Instead, she did what she had learnt to do well in the past years when confronted with Narcissa Black: Alice turned on her heels, and walked away. She vaguely heard Lily taking her two guests to the living room to introduce them to Effie, before disappearing in the kitchen.

Turns out, it was just the right time to get drunk.

[whatudowhennooneseesyou]

Fic 7: 'I Shouldn't Allow Myself To Get This Close To You'

Trope: Friends To Lovers

Content Includes: Felix x gn!reader, angst with a happy ending, smoking cigarettes, mentions of addiction, mutual pining, fluff, kissing, suggestive

Word Count: 930

A plume of smoke filled the air as you exhaled the last of nicotine from your cigarette, watching the skyline over the balcony as thoughts swarmed in your mind. 

What if this ruins everything? 

What if you can’t take it back? 

You heard the door open and shut in your apartment, quickly stubbing the cigarette out in the ashtray before you glanced over your shoulder. 

‘Hey’ you murmured out, your heart racing as Felix gazed at you with that familiar smirk, his eyes sparkling in the moonlight. 

‘Hey, your message was a surprise. It’s been awhile since we hung out’. 

‘Mmm’ you hummed back, reaching down to pull another cigarette from the packet that was discarded on the table. 

‘Want one?��� 

‘Sure’ He answered, moving closer to you as you handed him the pack, grabbing your lighter as he pulled one out. 

‘Here, let me’ 

You flicked the lighter on, your heart skipping a beat as Felix cupped his hand around yours, leaning his face towards yours as he lit his cigarette. 

His face was so close to yours, you could count the freckles on his cheeks, you had the urge to just reach out and trace your fingers around them. 

‘Thank you’ He exhaled the smoke out, moving to stand next to you as he leaned over the rail, holding the cigarette between his index and middle finger. 

Everything about him was like a fucking aphrodisiac. 

The leather jacket, his black, shaggy hair, the smoothness of his skin, the haze of cigarette smoke mixing with his cologne. 

He was addictive. You were addicted. He was like the fucking nicotine flowing through your veins right now. 

‘So…’ Felix ran a hand through his hair, the strands of hair falling back over his eyes. 

‘What did you want to talk about?’

Oh fuck, here’s your chance. You had a lot to lose and yet nothing at the same time. 

‘I…’ An inhale of your cigarette…’I wanted to talk to you about something, just between you and me’. 

‘Oh yeah?’ He twisted his body towards you as he held the cigarette to his mouth, the red ash at the tip allowing you to harness your thoughts and to focus on something. 

‘Yeah…’ Felix’s gaze was a bit too startling, his gaze intense and direct and you couldn’t look at him as you spoke, your eyes fixed on the stars that were illuminating the night. 

‘I..um’ Your voice faltered. ‘I like you Felix, I have for a while.’ Your voice shook as you inhaled again, ‘And I don’t know if I should…if I should allow myself to get close to you…like this’. You exhaled your smoke in shaky bursts, your voice teetering on a razor-thin wire. ‘I don’t want to lose what we have but at the same time, I couldn’t hold it in anymore, I just-I just needed to say it’. 

Your cigarette was halfway smoked by now and the nicotine was probably the only thing that was preventing you from bursting into tears right now, you could feel Felix stare at you but your eyes fixed on the stars, your jaw clenched from how anxious you were feeling. 

‘Can you look at me?’ 

A shaky exhale left your body as you closed your eyes for a second, mustering as much courage as you could as you turned your body towards Felix, noticing how he had almost finished his cigarette as well. 

‘I know…I’ve known for a while. You’re not exactly the best at hiding your feelings’ He smirked, inhaling his cigarette as he blew the smoke out towards the air. 

‘I didn’t say anything because I wanted to know for sure, I needed time to think..to really think this through’. 

You could feel your cheeks reddening as a mix of emotions ran across your body, you were relieved that Felix already knew. 

But you were also annoyed, why did he wait to the point where you were desperate enough to confess? Why couldn’t he have just made the first move? 

‘And???’ You blurted out, your eyes narrowing slightly in annoyance. 

‘I want to try’ He walked away from you to grab the ash-tray from the table, stubbing his cigarette. 

‘I like you too, you make me feel…I don’t know…happy?’ He held the ash-tray out to you so you could stub your cigarette, talking as he moved to place it back on the table. 

‘It’s why I came over, I just kind of assumed you were going to say something, I just felt the vibe I suppose’. 

He reached out to place his hands on your hips, the warmthness of his hands jolting electricity up your body, your mouth parted open slightly in anticipation. 

‘I want to see where this goes, I want you to be mine, I don’t know what to say except I like you too’ He awkwardly chuckled, his cheeks all red and rosey as well. 

"We'll take it one step at a time’ You comforted him, reaching forward to run your hand up his shoulder, your chest filled with joy and anxiety. 

‘Can I kiss you?’ He murmured out, his voice slightly cracking at the end of the sentence. 

‘Mmm’ You nodded, butterflies swirling through your stomach as he leaned in, the fact that both of you were the same height made the act much easier. 

His lips were slightly dry and warm, your lashes fluttered at the sensation and he tasted of cigarettes, his fingers gently pressing into your hips. 

Felix was always an aphrodisiac to you. 

But maybe, just maybe. 

You would be his nicotine.

Taglist: @destiny-fics @umbralhelwolf  @starsareseen @hipster-shiz @creativechaoticloner @cherry-0420 @lino-jagiyaa @mischiefsmind @scuzmunkie @mrcarrots @reighlee-greaves @junieshohoho @partywithgyu @kodzukein @whatsk-poppinhomies @hologramhoneymoon @dilucpegg3r @marievllr-abg @craxy-person @itbtoblikethatsometimes @gyuhanniescarat @staytinyinmybpack @necessiteez @softquokka @wooyoungmybelovedhusband @hijeongguk @berryberrytan @notastraykid @sensitiveandhungry @laylasbunbunny @bangchanbabygirlx

[withacapitalp]

Dear Steven Steve,

I do not even know why I am writing this. I should just pick up the phone and call you. You are probably not there anyway, but you will call back. You always call back. 

I never do, and I know I should. 

Maybe I have stopped calling so often, because I am worried this will finally be the time you do not call back. That I will finally have done enough to push you away. Maybe I am just scared, which sounds so silly. But I am. I'm scared to call my own son.

I am writing this letter because it is easier than trying to say it out loud. I have tried to write this so many times, but I am failing. I do no’t have half of your courage, or a quarter of your passion. You did not get it from your father either, so I am not sure where it came from. Maybe it came from Robert but we were only together for a night-

I am writing because of what happened when I came home this weekend.

I know, I was not supposed to be home. It was a spur of the moment thing. I was finally able to look away from my own selfish needs long enough to realize I hadn’t seen you in over a month. I needed to grab my navy blue cocktail dress. You know, the one your father likes?

You did not know I was there, so do not feel bad. 

I didn’t want you to know. 

You always feel bad about those things. It makes me so angry sometimes. You feel bad when you miss us being home, which is ridiculous. I saw the calendar on the wall by the phone. You keep such careful notes, but sometimes you miss us anyway, and you act like it’s your fault. The truth is we usually plan it to be home when we know you’ll be busy. Your father does that, not me. 

But I don’t fight him on it enough. 

I just didn’t want to bother you. I thought you would be at work, but when I pulled up, your car was there. There were lots of cars there, and I could hear music and laughter in the backyard. I thought you might’ve been having a party. 

You know we’ve told you so many times about having parties while we’re gone. 

It feels kind of hypocritical now. Do I really have any right to tell you how you spend your time when you’re alone? When I’ve left you alone for so long?

But this wasn’t a party, at least not the kind your father and I disapprove of, so I’m not mad. Please don’t think I am. I don’t want you to go back to always being alone in that house. I don’t want you to feel like you can’t keep having people over. You’re an adult now. 

There were people all over the backyard. Kids in the pool, a cluster of adults sitting at the picnic table. 

And you. 

You were dancing along to the music, singing even. I can’t remember the last time I heard you sing. I can’t even remember the last time I saw you smile like that. You don’t smile anymore, you haven’t since I started going with your father on his trips. Since that blonde whore- 

You fake your smiles well, you got that from me, but I know it isn’t real. I’ve been faking my smiles for almost nine years now.  

You have a good voice. 

Steven, Steve. I have no idea how to word this, so I’ll just be blunt. 

I saw you dancing with a boy. 

Did I miss something? Should I have been home more often? Is this some late teen rebellious stage? You never even so much as looked at a boy in the wrong way before, and I found you dancing with one in front of over a dozen people. None of them even batted an eye. They all knew. 

How could a bunch of strangers know this, when I had no idea? 

Were you ever going to tell me? 

I haven’t told your father. I think he would actually kill you if he found out. 

He means well, but his methods are- but there’s- Everything he’s ever done was to try and make you

At the very least he would disown you, and then I might never get the chance to fix things. 

I won’t tell him, Steven. It’s your decision if you want him to know. But I know. 

I know and I Love you. I still love you just as much. I have always loved you. You were the most important thing to me. My one and only child, the only baby I was ever able to have. You were a miracle, don’t you know that? Every doctor said I would never be able to have a child, but here you are. You matter more than anything, and I lost sight, and I’m sorry. 

I can’t say that I agree with your decisions. I don’t. I never will. Your father and I have raised you to be better.

Can it count as raising you if I abandoned you at ten years old to chase a man who never loved me enough? Can you ever forgive me for that? Do I even deserve a place in your life anymore?

But, like I said, it’s your life. I just thought you should know that I am aware of your secret. 

Is it even a secret? It doesn’t seem to be. Maybe it’s only a secret when it comes to me and your dad. Maybe it’s because you know how we would react. Maybe it’s because you’re scared. Maybe it’s because you’re mad. 

Maybe it’s because I haven’t acted like your mom in almost a decade

We can discuss this the next time I return to Hawkins. 

Love From,

Margaret Harrington

Maggie looked down at the hotel notepad paper, littered with harsh slashing strikes and stilted idiotic words. She sighed and tore it to shreds, throwing the pieces in the overflowing trashcan and starting over. 

Dear Steven,

[doctorwhocreations]

You tolerate it.

A/N: hello!! Well it certainly has been a while since I have created any form of fan fic like this! However me and my bestie @whodoyoudo just exploded with idea’s one day and together we have co-written this piece! So please do enjoy! ✨

Warnings: mentions of heart failure, angst! Lots of angst, feeling unwanted, mentions of near death?? I guess? (I think that’s all! I do hope, I am uploading this at 23:48 with very tired eyes so please correct me if I should add more warnings) happy ending, fluffy end 💕

I was sitting underneath the control room of the TARDIS. Knees tucked into the chest, hands completely covering my face as I cry into them. Hiding away in the tiniest nook I could find (and get myself into) of this somewhat secret little compartment of the room.

I knew I couldn't hide forever, like a child avoiding a sibling or parent after an argument. It felt like he hadn't even noticed my absence, I immediately got up once the Doctor retreated to his room. My mind was swimming with thoughts as I packed my bags. "He doesn't care. He is going to ask you to leave, so leave before he has the chance."

My heart hurt in my chest, why did I have to care? Why did I have to fall in love with him? I was an idiot, clearly he would never feel the same.

I knew we still hadn't taken off yet, we were parked not far from Cardiff (the Doctor always seemed to like it there). So I walked out the TARDIS doors and didn't look back… well at least that was the plan, until I heard footsteps and my name being called

in the distance.

"Y/N!!!" A familiar voice echoed.

I kept my back turned. I didn't want him to see me cry, so I wiped my eyes quickly. But the tears just kept coming out.

Words I couldn’t form, only stifled silent cries. So quiet the Doctor didn’t even notice.

What he did notice when he finally entered the room though was all of the bags I had packed to take with me the very first day he asked me to become his companion. (I always hated being called that though, because I always saw him as so much more than just his companion.) Snapping out of his flashback the Doctor asked in a very serious voice, his eyes laid on me.

“What’re you doing?” Raising an eyebrow as all I could do was face away from him, while continuing to now frantically pack. He continued with the questions, “Do you want to leave? Is that why you’re packing?” The Doctor now asks in a more upset manor. Building up some form of courage I finally respond back, “Well.. I can just tell.. you don’t want me to be here anymore” Looking over my shoulder ever so slightly only to look at the Doctor’s converse shoes, the glossy eyes and tears evident on my face as I continue, “Because…why would you?”

Those words cut through the Doctor like a knife. His eyebrows knitting together in complete confusion, he responds “Why wouldn’t I want you to be here?”

I build up enough courage now to finally get my words out. I now fully turn to face him and say “Isn’t it obvious? You never look at me, we haven't had a proper conversation for days! Even when we’re on adventures together, lately it’s like being with a tour guide rather than with-” I paused as I hated to say the word but I say it anyway “...with a companion. You can’t even bare to touch my hand."

My face began to blush, I smiled sadly, "Like I remember how your hand would brush over mine when you taught me how to use the control panel. But now.."

I sighed, "But now you avoid me like you’re allergic to me.. So I thought I best just go, it saved me giving an explanation, since it was, and still is too painful. So I saved you the time, so you wouldn't need to ask me to leave, I got the message crystal clear.”

His eyes now locked with mine, my heart sank. To see him standing there with so much confusion in his eyes like he doesn’t even know But I know he does. I know he just doesn’t like me anymore and he is too polite to admit I’ve overstayed my welcome.

He just stands there and says “What!?” He shakes his head slightly, baffled by what I had just told him. Though I thought it was the reality of what was happening.

The Doctor walks a little closer to me, but not very much.

“I just..can’t believe you would even think that I don’t want to look at you!” He was clearly deflecting having to finally explain his true feelings and the truth. Getting very irritated by him in my mind denying the obvious I loudly erupt with “Oh Doctor just admit it, will you!!” Tears now streaming from my eyes, a snotty tearful and emotional mess standing before him. It was so frustrating that I had to spell it out to him, the so-called ever so intelligent Doctor, he knows everything about everything. Except THIS. “You’re so much older and wiser and I…” I look down as if to be ashamed of myself, for even thinking that he would even like me back, let alone LOVE.. The same way I love him.

“I’m always taking up too much space or time.. So I’ll just go.” I tell him in a stern tone. I frantically continue to pack my things, wiping my nose with my sleeve as I do.

“It's okay, I'd rather know where I stand, then have you keep putting up with me. I know you’ve just been tolerating me.” I say crying a little harder than I wanted too whilst saying that. This is exactly why I wanted to sneak off without confronting the Doctor, I knew I'd be a weepy mess.

The Doctor just stayed frozen still. Tears now forming in his eyes, I am slightly taken back, I had never seen the Doctor like this before. He gently touches my arm to pull me to face him, as things now get heated up with emotion. I look up at him now with the tears still streaming, “You’re wrong. So.. SO wrong. I couldn't bring myself to tell you the truth. About how you can spend the rest of your life with me, but I can’t spend the rest of mine with you. That’s the curse of the Time Lords, Y/N.”

I look at him baffled. “What do you mean, Doctor?”

“You grow old Y/N, you wither and you die! Imagine seeing that happen to someone you…” He paused. Bringing himself to say the words he so desperately tried to suppress.

My heart throbbed, “What Doctor?”

"...Someone you love. Someone I love! I wasn’t looking away from you or avoiding you because I didn't want you around anymore. It's quite the opposite." He ruffled his hair, I had never seen him so open and honest before, I noticed his face turn a rosey shade of pink, "I have been suppressing my feelings for you, failing to stop them from becoming any deeper because I can’t bare to see you hurt because of me.. I can't stand the thought of watching the woman I love wither and perish.”

The Doctor now in floods of tears, he didn’t even expect to be telling you all this. But it had to come out, for he couldn't stand by and watch you leave with those very same bags, of things you brought along on a day with so much happiness. Now reminding the Doctor of that hurt look on your face that has been burnt into his memory.

I stare as one final tear falls down my cheek and crash lands on the tip of the Doctor’s converse. I am speechless, I drop my packed bag and fling my arms round him, holding him close, we stand embraced in silence for a little while.

"I love you too, Doctor." I finally confess, he squeezes me a little tighter.

We finally wiped our tears and sit at the end of the bed together. He placed his hand in mine, the other gently caressing my cheek. "So are you going to stay?"

My heart sings with joy and I can't help but find myself kissing his lips.

I smile playfully, "Does that answer your question, Doctor?"

The Doctor winks at me and with a smirk answers “Yeah, I suppose it does.”Only seconds after the moment of pure bliss shared between me and the doctor, my heart begins to race. A sensation I have never experienced before.

I stop, frozen in the one spot as the sensation continues. The Doctor is in a sudden panic. “Y/N what is it?? What’s wrong!? What’s going on!?”

"Something doesn't feel right, my heart beats.." The Doctor placed my head between his hands and looked me in the eyes. "It's okay, just take deep breaths."

He walked away to grab a stethoscope, he placed it on my chest, he was suddenly very quiet. “Doctor, what is it? You scare me when you go quiet.”

He looks at me with a face I have never seen before. A look of fear that he has never expressed to me. “Well…y-you’re.. You’re going into cardiac arrest."

"WHAT?! Doctor! You're scaring me! Am I dying??" My eyes begin to cloud with tears. "No well.. maybe.."

He rushed over to the control panel and to check the monitor, "Just scanning your antibodies now for any anomalies."

As the scan was completed, "No that can't be possible." The Doctor quickly runs his hands through his hair. Unable to take in what he is seeing on the monitor screen. Images flashed through my mind, I felt slightly out of breath. Sparks began to shoot into the air from my body and a gold mist floated from my mouth. The Doctor quickly kissed me, as the energy surged through my body, it suddenly died down and my heart beat returned back to normal. I felt slightly weak and fell into the Doctor's arms.

"Y/N! Stay with me, are you okay?"

I was in a slight daze, "What.. What just happened?"

The Doctor sits me up not letting go of me until he knows I am fully capable of supporting my body. When he does he gets up and rushes back over to the monitor and begins to unbeknownst to me run a plethora of tests and scans on my body that thankfully the TARDIS can undertake in less than a minute. The Doctor smiled towards the console, "She’s great isn’t she, old girl!”

He turned to me, “I’m just running a few scans and tests, you okay? How’re you feeling?”

I gently rub the side of my head and wait a minute as I slowly regain my vision after it became blurry.

“I-I think I’m alright actually, what’re you running scans and tests for exactly?” I look up at the Doctor with a slightly scrunched up, confused expression. The TARDIS monitor then makes a ding noise. “Ahh! Here we go!” The Doctor quickly exclaimed before he began quickly reading out what it says. His smile drops as a blank yet serious expression crosses his face, he gets out his sonic screwdriver and slowly begins to circle round to scan me.

“Doctor?! Please tell me what is going on!? What just happened to me?!” I half shout out of frustration and fear. Watching as he scans me all over with that bloody annoying screwdriver! The noise only heightens my anxiety.

“Well…” He begins as he holds up the sonic screwdriver to his eye level. “It appears you have just experienced..Something I can’t quite believe to be real. As it is impossible.”

I folded my arms, “Are you quite done yet?”

“Oh sorry,” He lowered his sonic screwdriver and put it back in his jacket, “Your body cells have rejuvenated from spending so much time (he winks at you because of the pun) in the TARDIS.. So basically that means, somehow you’ve become part Galifreyan.”My mouth hung open, “I.. I.. I what?? I didn’t know that was a thing.”

“Neither did I until now.” The Doctor broke into a grin and picked me up into his arms, “You really are something!” At the sudden swiftness of the Doctor lifting me up, spinning me around once into my arms it was as if all my fears and worries just evaporated. I smile and hold onto him like I’d never let go. “So now that I’m part Galifreyan does this mean I can regenerate?” Thinking about it for a split second I quickly answered myself with “Ah yes but only if necessary it would seem.” The doctor cheekily smirks as he places you back on your two feet. “It looks like you get twice as smart too” ;) I playfully shake my head at his remark with a matching cheeky grin.

[ask-icancraft-it]

“I Love You Too.”

(( A follow up to 'I Love You.' I've been fussing over this a while; it was a struggle to write. Sometimes you just gotta throw things out there and hope for the best. )) ________ Felix blinked, completely taken off guard by the tall silhouette blotting out the light outside his apartment door.

“I love you too,” Tamora repeated in a whisper.

The handyman’s face was hard to read as he stood in his pajamas, combing his fingers through his hair. He seemed more stunned than anything. Wordlessly, he invited her in, and they sat together on his couch. 

Slowly, Felix reached out his palm, and Tamora tangled his fingers with hers. His eyes brimmed with tears as he held on tight.

“I was…so afraid that you never wanted to see my face again,” Felix sniffled, realizing this wasn’t a dream.

“I should be the one saying that; not you,” Tamora gulped. “After all the things I said…”

“It’s going to take more than a few angry words to shake me.” 

The sergeant was amazed at how easily things rolled off Felix’s shoulders; how fearlessly he expressed his feelings. He was a far stronger person than she was in so many ways. Squeezing his hand still joined with hers gave Tamora the courage needed to follow his example.

“I got so caught up in how good it felt to be with you that I nearly forgot how hard loving someone can be…when you could lose them. And when you told me you loved me, everything came rushing back at once. All the pain and grief...”

Tamora’s teary gaze met Felix’s as she took in a shuddered breath.

“I acted out of self-preservation. I realized I was in too deep because…I love you too. And that terrified me. I’m terrified that what happened with Brad will happen again. I let my guard down.”

“Oh, Tammy…” Felix kissed her knuckles. It broke his heart to see how deeply her backstory affected her. 

“I don’t want to lose you,” the sergeant whispered. “And like an idiot, I thought pushing you away was the answer. I’m sorry.”

A bittersweet smile crossed the handyman’s lips.

“And I’m sorry…I’m sorry I didn’t tell you what I knew. And I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like you needed fixing—”

“No,” Tamora winced. “Forget all those dumb things I said, Fix-It. I took every insecurity I had and put them on you. Dammit…Why do you even love me? That is if you still do.” 

“Still do,” the handyman chuckled, squeezing her hand. 

Lost for words, the sergeant pulled him into a tight embrace, both taking in the comfort of the other’s arms. “Sometimes…I get scared about losing you too,” Felix confided. “What the last thirty years have shown me is…you never know what’s going to happen. A game-breaking glitch, a faulty wire, outmoded—I’ve seen a lot of folks go. Some of them friends.”

Tamora blinked, pulling away to look into the handyman’s world-weary eyes. It was the first time she’d ever seen him like this.  Felix placed a hand over hers when she cupped his face.

“There’s always a risk when you care for someone. It’s okay to be afraid…But Tammy, don’t let fear deprive you of all the good things that can come from taking a chance.”

With those words, Tamora felt heard, understood, and comforted all at once. Nodding, more tears threatened to fall. 

“I love you,” she said with a newfound acceptance.

“I love you too.”

[skzkiof]

stronger together;

alnst, ivantill, 2.3k, chapter 2/? ivantill are both saved during round 6 but ivan is injured read chapter 1 here

Till sat with Ivan for the rest of the evening, though neither of them said much. Oddly, he didn’t mind. It was comforting, actually, to just relax and bask in silence without the underlying fear of what tomorrow would bring.

At some point, they were visited by Hyuna – she introduced herself, a formality if anything because Till had heard about her. He wondered if Ivan had, too. There was no way to tell because he didn’t respond or react at all while she talked, explaining their plans.

At the end, she paused and looked at Till with an unspoken question. He swallowed, already knowing what she was asking without needing to hear it.

“I can’t,” he said. He didn’t look at Ivan, though he wasn’t sure why. “I want to stay with him.”

He don’t know what he expected. A fight, maybe, for her to push back. But she didn’t; she simply smiled. “Okay. We’ll need every bit help we can get – ” He wondered if she would say something, then, but she just continued breezily “ – which unfortunately means I’m not sure how many people we can leave behind to aid either of you if you find yourselves needing anything.”

Till felt relief bloom and spread through his chest. “We’ll be okay on our own,” he said, and felt like he meant it.

“Okay,” she said again. She was nicer – far less intimidating – than he had imagined upon hearing the rumors. “I’ll have someone bring you two food in a few minutes. I’ll also show you where the kitchen is before we get started, so you can feed yourselves.”

He realized, then, that he had never really had to feed himself. He suspected the same could be said for Ivan. While the food the aliens provided had been disgusting, it had been edible. Enough to sustain them.

With a last nod, Hyuna left the room. Till finally chanced a look at Ivan. He didn’t look mad, exactly, but he didn’t exactly look happy. His lips were pressed together firmly.

“What’s wrong?” he asked before he could think better of it. If he had just given it a little more thought, he probably could’ve put the pieces together himself.

Ivan let out a huff of air, eyes dropping to his legs. They were still covered with the blanket; Till hadn’t seen them yet. “She didn’t even extend the offer to me.”

“Well, I mean. You’re, you know.” He gestured vaguely.

If he was smarter, he would’ve shut up, because the feeling of Ivan’s gaze on him – dark and angry – was like a knife through his heart. “Because I’m useless now, then?”

Till hadn’t meant it like that. He hadn’t even been thinking, to be fair. He shouldn’t have said anything at all.

“It’s not about you not being useful,” he said, trying to think a little more carefully. “I’m sure she just doesn’t want you hurting yourself even more.”

Ivan stared at him for a moment longer before looking away. He didn’t say anything. Till wasn’t sure if that was a blessing or not.

He was aware they hadn’t been taught a lot. The aliens only ever taught them about singing, really. In the past, that was the least of his concerns. He didn’t care if he didn’t know much about the world, he just wanted to be free. But now, sitting here in silence that was no longer comfortable, he wished he had been taught how to comfort another person.

Till hadn’t had much time for that, after all, especially regarding Ivan. They had fought most of the time, even if it had been playful and lighthearted at times.

Well, he knew one thing he should do. Mizi had even asked it of him.

“Are you hungry?” he asked, not quite brave enough to try meeting Ivan’s gaze again. “They’ll be dropping food off soon,” he repeated, like Ivan hadn’t also been in the room. He winced, cursing himself internally. “Um. You haven’t been eating much since you woke up, right?”

He heard a grunt, assumed that was answer enough.

“Do you feel sick?” he asked, finally mustering up the courage to look his way again.

Ivan was already staring back. Somehow, that wasn’t surprising. Till was starting to think if he had paid more attention, before, he would’ve noticed Ivan watching him a lot more. After a long moment, he finally shook his head.

“Okay.” Till couldn’t tell if he should be relieved or not. He was glad he didn’t feel sick, but that meant whatever was causing his lack of appetite was probably a little – or a lot – more complicated.

Before he could even attempt to push the conversation further, the door swung open with a loud clank and no warning. Till hoped neither of them noticed how he jumped a little. He didn’t recognize the man; he was sure he would’ve remembered him, too, with that scar on his face.

“Here,” he said, handing a tray over to Till. There wasn’t much on it; just two small bowls of stew, spoons already set in them. While the portion was small, the smell was incredible.

Till gave what he hoped was a believable enough smile. “Thank you.”

With a nod, the man slipped out of the room as quickly as he had come. Till wondered if he was usually nicer, just too busy to linger or force pleasantries. He supposed it didn’t matter either way.

For a moment, he just sat there on the edge of Ivan’s bed, letting the smell build and waft around the room. He hoped, maybe, that would kickstart Ivan’s appetite. Finally, he twisted around and set the tray down on the bed carefully. “You should eat,” he said, taking one of the bowls. It was hot, but not burning. Weirdly comforting. He cradled it in his hands as he looked up to meet Ivan’s eyes. “I know you don’t want to, but you won’t recover as well if you don’t.”

He was surprised – pleasantly so – when Ivan didn’t argue and just took the bowl. Their fingers brushed for just a few seconds but it was enough to make a shiver dance down his spine. It wasn’t a bad sensation, really, just new. Different. He had touched Ivan a million times, before, but it had never felt quite like that.

The kiss had been new, too. He had dreamed of it, before, kissing Mizi but he had never done it. With her, or anyone. He wondered suddenly if Ivan had. He wondered, too, if he would care if he had. It wasn’t like he had a right to be jealous.

Sitting back, Till grabbed his bowl of soup and gently sipped from the edge. He watched out of the corner of his eye as Ivan stirred the spoon around in the bowl a few times before setting it aside.

He hadn’t taken a single bite. He probably thought Till hadn’t been watching or even cared enough to notice.

“You haven’t even touched your food,” he said, trying to keep his tone light.

Ivan eyed him. “I did,” he lied, a little too easily.

Till suppressed a smile. “No,” he said. “You didn’t.” Without waiting for a reply, he leaned across Ivan and grabbed his discarded bowl of stew. It was still warm, thankfully. “I don’t know why you’re not eating,” he continued after a pause, meeting his eyes briefly, “but do you mind if I try something?”

“I have a suspicion you would still try even if I said no,” he replied, but there was a hint of amusement in his voice.

And that was enough permission for Till. Getting a decent scoop of the stew, he scooted a little further up the bed and extended his arm. By the time the spoon was nearing Ivan’s mouth, his eyes had widened a bit. Till bit back a huff of laughter.

“You’re kidding me,” he said. Notably, he didn’t shove him away though and that seemed promising.

Till let himself crack a small smile. “Open up.”

“You are not feeding me.” This time, his voice was a little harder. “I messed up my leg, not my arm. I’m perfectly capable of eating on my own.”

Till might’ve given up, before, but he was starting to realize some things about Ivan. “I’m not trying to imply you aren’t,” he said, slow and even, “but doing it this way would ease some of my own concerns, is all.”

He almost felt bad, twisting the situation like that, but he knew it was his best chance. And he was right; Ivan glared at him for a second longer before sighing heavily. “Fine. But only this once.”

He tried not to seem too excited. “Thank you,” he said, surprised by how much he meant it. It hadn’t been a lie, he realized, he really would be more at ease this way, knowing for a fact Ivan was eating properly. He really did need to, if he wanted to heal.

Not wanting to drag it out, mostly out of the fear Ivan would change his mind, he quickly fed him the first bite. He was only able to feed him a few more spoonfuls before Ivan was turning away, a displeased twist to his mouth.

This time, he opted to believe him. He hadn’t been eating much, after all, so he didn’t want to push it and make him sick.

He quickly finished his own bowl, suddenly realizing how hungry he really was. Ivan didn’t say anything as he ate. Once he was done, he placed the bowls together on the tray and set it by the door.

Till wasn’t sure how much time passed but at some point he looked up and noticed Ivan had drifted off, his head tilting at a slightly awkward angle against the stained pillow.

Standing up slowly, careful not to disturb him, he gently reached up and adjusted the pillow, just enough so hopefully he wouldn’t wake up with a sore neck. Once he was satisfied, he walked to the door and picked up the tray. Now was the hard part – slowly, inch by inch, he forced the door open. Thankfully, it wasn’t as loud as before and a quick glimpse at Ivan confirmed he was still asleep.

Till slipped out through the door and shut it behind him.

“Oh, good – ”

He startled, spinning around. He relaxed when he saw it was just Hyuna.

“I was just on my way to talk to you two.”

Till glanced at the door and back again. “He’s sleeping right now. Anything you tell me, I can tell him later.”

He wasn’t sure why he felt a little unsettled – a little too seen – by the way she smiled at him, tilting her head a little.

“We decided to leave one of our healers behind,” before he could protest, she was lifting a hand, stopping him before he could even get a word out, “I know you think being selfless means being stupid but he needs proper care, even with you here. She won’t bother either of you more than necessary but if he wants any hope of using that leg again, he needs help from someone a little more qualified than you.”

Till clutched the tray, hard, but didn’t object.

“It’ll be good for us, too, to have someone back here in case anything goes wrong and our healers on site are taken out.”

That absolved a bit of the guilt, even though he knew it was a lie just to comfort him.

“But she’s all we can afford. We need numbers on our side, so like I said before, I’ll show you the kitchen. Storage. You’ll both be on your own, and –” She paused, narrowing her eyes. Till felt a shiver down his spine and he wasn’t even sure why. He hadn’t done anything, had he?

“He’ll need you,” she continued finally, “I don’t know him very well but I know what he’s going through, well, it isn’t easy. And there will be bad days. If you aren’t committed to helping him through this, tell me now. I’ll find someone else to stay here and you can go in their place.”

Till bristled, standing a little taller. “You think a random stranger would be more comforting at his side right now than me?”

“You could certainly comfort him better,” she agreed, “but that also means you could hurt him worse.”

He opened his mouth, ready to argue, but realized he had nothing to say for once. She was right. He couldn’t treat this like a problem to be solved. Like if he waited long enough, Ivan would just be okay again. It wasn’t that simple and he knew it. But he also knew he wanted to do this.

He wanted to be here when Ivan needed someone. The realization wasn’t nearly as daunting as it might’ve felt even just a few days ago.

“Okay,” she said, breaking the silence. It was just one word but felt a lot heavier. Stepping forward, she reached up and squeezed his shoulder, just the edge of too hard. “I hope we return but if we don’t, stay as long as you need. We have enough food here to last three people for probably a year, if you ration well.”

Till swallowed, once. “I just really want to be free.” He didn’t even have it in him to be embarrassed or ashamed about the way his voice shook just a little.

Hyuna’s smile was warm, a stark contrast to the intensity he had seen from her earlier. “Leave that to us, okay, kid?” Any other time, he would’ve argued. He wasn’t a kid, after all, wasn’t sure he ever really had been, not the way he was supposed to be. But he was just too tired. “Come on,” she patted his arm. “I’ll show you where everything is and introduce you to Kara, the healer.”

[mj-iza-writer]

Caretaker looked up in shock when Leader came into his clinic office, they were horrified when they saw Leader carrying something body shaped and wrapped in blankets.

They stood fast and rushed to prep the medical table, "who got injured?"

"No one on our team atleast", Leader carried the body to the table and laid it down, "we came across this injured soul, and no one remembers fighting them, so I have a feeling these injuries happened before we got there, I don't know by who though", Leader started to unravel the blankets, "I was hoping you could heal them since you are the best."

Caretaker instantly saw the uniform and turned their nose up at it, "I'm not touching that, that rat", he yelled.

"You have too, he's too weak to answer any of my questions for interrogation", Leader argued, "he doesn't seem to be a fighter, I've not had any issues with him yet."

Caretaker grumbled, "I can't believe you bring an enemy back here, and expect me to heal them. You should just go kill them and be done with it. That would be best thing for the world."

Leader looked down at the body, the boy's eyes were open. Fear was etched across his face.

"If you want to be that way fine. I'm not asking you anymore. I'm telling you.... heal him.... please", Leader winced, watching Caretaker's face grow angrier. "They look like a legit child."

"Fine, but he's getting strapped down to the table. I'm not taking any chances", Caretaker grumbled and pulled out some straps, "turn around and get stabbed all because you think this is a good idea "

Leader hid a smirk while they left, looking back one last time to the boy on the table, while Caretaker finished strapping him down. The boy seemed to be begging them to stay.

"I'll check back in after a while", Leader said as they left.

Caretaker started to assess the injuries, "you have definitely seen better days, this will take a while", Caretaker paused, "I want you to understand something, I don't care for you or your people, I don't want to know your name, you will be called 'It' in my presence. I'm only helping you because Leader had a moment of courage to talk to me like that. Do I make myself clear?"

It nodded in agreement, fear still etched on their face.

"What you can't talk, cat got your tongue", Caretaker reached for It's jaw and wiggled it to see if it was dislocated.

"No, not that", Caretaker muttered, then paused when It opened it's mouth. Shaken to the core, Caretaker took a flashlight and looked closer into It's mouth, "yo-you really don't have a tongue."

It shook it's head in agreement.

"Well alright then, I need to ask was that removed out of medical necessity or did it get removed against your will", Caretaker looked into It's eyes.

Caretaker heard a snapping sound, they turned their attention to It's fingers. It held two fingers up like that was the answer.

"Removed against your will?", Caretaker questioned.

It nodded again.

"Okay well I'm guessing you can't talk then at all", Caretaker frowned, "can you even drink and eat."

Caretaker watched various snaps and head nods.

"So you can't talk, you can somewhat eat and drink", Caretaker tried to confirm.

It nodded in agreement and made a couple grunts.

"You can vocalize a little as well?", Caretaker looked over the rest of the body.

Caretaker started to work on It's body, the boy had definitely been through a lot. Caretaker noticed though he was being more gentle then he originally intended.

It patiently allowed Caretaker to do what needed to be done, only moaning when the pain had reached higher levels.

Caretaker even found himself undoing the straps near the end.

"Only because I need to see your back", Caretaker stopped and sighed, "although, knowing how the rest of you looked, I can only imagine how your back is."

It groaned as Caretaker shifted them to a sitting position, their breathing was ragged.

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm sorry, I'm sure your broken ribs hate this", Caretaker muttered.

It nodded in agreement.

"Your back is covered in fresh lashings", Caretaker examined it, "how are you still alive?"

It shrugged.

When all was done, Caretaker fell into his chair, sighing in relief. They noticed It was watching them from the table. A strange look across their face.

"Are you trying to say thankyou before you clonk out on me", Caretaker gave a small grin, "you look like you're about done."

It nodded in agreement.

"You're welcome. Go ahead and get some rest", Caretaker watched as It pointed at the straps, "no I won't strap you down, I honestly don't think you could try something if you wanted to."

Leader peaked in an hour later.

"You", Caretaker frowned and stepped towards them, "you owe me big time, that was a nightmare."

Leader frowned and looked at the boy, "did you kill them?"

"No, but I'm surprised It's still alive", Caretaker handed them a sheet of paper, "I wrote down everything I had to do for It."

The boy glanced over in their direction and gave a quick smirk.

"Wow, they are no longer strapped to the table either. Did you two become friends", Leader walked over to the boy.

"Out of pitty", Caretaker sighed, "you'll have to rethink your interrogation methods they don't have a tongue."

"Huh", Leader paused.

Caretaker held a flashlight near It's mouth, as It opened.

"No tongue, It says it was removed by force", Caretaker looked down at It.

It agreed.

Leader looked at the paper then at It. They were working through some shock now.

"Are you calling them It?", Leader suddenly realized, "how are you still alive", they looked over the paper.

"I kind of started off calling them It out of annoyance, then it pretty much stuck", Caretaker grinned, "honestly I have no idea how they are alive still."

It grinned and made a movement like it was writing on paper.

Leader handed them the back of the paper Caretaker had had, and pulled out a pen.

Caretaker grabbed a clip board so It could write on it.

"My name is Morgan, you can continue calling me It though, I don't mind. I am 20 years old. I was captured from my own people, forced to wear this uniform, and fight on their front line. They removed my tongue and beat me mercilessly. When I saw your people coming I surrendered hoping for help or death", they wrote.

"When did all of this happen?", the leader questioned.

"I've been with them for almost 2 years now, my tongue was removed early on, that way I couldn't talk. I have been constantly beaten throughout those two years. I've learned to explain myself through writing, grunting, snaps, and head nods", they wrote on the paper.

"I see", Leader sighed, "I will interrogate you in a while, is there anything you need?"

"If it's not to much bother can I have something to eat and some water?", Morgan wrote, "they've never been good at feeding me, but I haven't eaten for a few days."

"Yes, we can do that, I'll be right back", Leader paused, "is there anything you can't eat, you know, without your tongue."

Morgan smiled, "I have gotten pretty good at eating and drinking without it, I just require your patience as I do so."

Caretaker frowned at Morgan, "why didn't you ask for a pen and paper earlier instead of being verbally abused by me?"

Morgan smiled up at Caretaker, then started to write, "I would have been too weak to write. Plus, I could see your disgust for the people this uniform represents, I didn't want to be a bother or make you even madder.'

"Well now I feel terrible for how I acted towards you", Caretaker looked at all of the wounds, "I definitely didn't help an already terrible situation."

Morgan shook their head no, and started to write, "from what I have suffered with those people I can understand your disgust with them. You helped me, even if you were forced to, you took care of everything, and I know there was a lot."

Caretaker read the note, "there was definitely a lot."

Leader came back with a tray of food, "I'm sorry that took a while, everyone had questions about you. The tongue thing is really getting people", Leader sighed, "you'll probably have everyone ask to see."

Morgan smiled and held their thumbs up.

They took the tray and started to eat.

Caretaker and Leader watched in amazement as they ate and drank without a tongue. Small bites, head tilt forward for chewing, then tilt back to swallow. Drinking same thing, small sips, tilt back to swallow.

"Honestly never something I've thought about, but I couldn't imagine", Leader stated.

Caretaker nodded in agreement.

Morgan began to write on the paper, then handed it to Leader.

"A lot of trial and error, you have to really build up your throat muscles. Also, almost drowning yourself several times teaches you small bites."

Leader and Caretaker grinned at the note. Morgan gave them a smile as well.

"Well I guess our prisoner is becoming a house guest until we figure out this war thing", Leader rubbed his head. "No since in taking him back, he could get stolen again and killed, I don't want that", Leader glanced at Morgan, "are you okay with staying here?"

Morgan nodded and reached for the paper, "yes sir, I can help as much as possible. Even once I've healed more, I can join your fight. I would be honored."

Caretaker sighed, "that might be a while, I guess It is going to be my problem for a while then."

Leader and Morgan grinned at each other, then at Caretaker.

"I think so, Caretaker", Leader sighed, "I think so."