#them feel heard. because chances are they needed a lot of courage to say it

[hidtired]

Love Burns

(Daryl Dixon x Reader) Masterlist

Description: Some way somehow you crawled your way back from death. All to get back into the arms of one man. Daryl and the rest of the group were taking your death hard, your death was gruesome. So your disheveled arrival back to them was unfathomable… (Duel POVs)

6.1k words

Fall felt like winter. In a place made of concrete it was decided something needed to be done before winter truly came. The prison still needed a lot of work but with the new people of Woodbury things were getting done a lot faster. Only thing lacking was supplies. So a team was round up to go to a near hardware warehouse. Glenn, Maggie, Rick, Daryl, You, Carol, Sasha, Tyrese, and a few Ex Woodbury people headed out for as much as they all could carry. It was Hershel who suggested that this was dire because someone could get sick and that was supplies we just couldn’t spare. So… this wasn’t all for nothing. This run was the greater good for the prison. Even if it all went wrong by dusk. Even if it cost your life.

Almost all the cars had been full of things. It was decided to send a few of the new people back to empty their trucks and comeback. The chill was numbing everyone’s hands as they moved things back and forth. A fire was started inside the chain link fence. The U haul parked close to it to blocked the wind. Daryl had taken his bike, the psycho. But you had to admit the leather jacket he now wore looked good on him. You and Daryl, still no label but something was there. If the time spent cuddling him every chance you got inside the cellblock said anything. Always using the excuse you were cold, which wasn’t wrong. You’ve both kissed but that had happened only a few times. The only reason you had both gotten so close was the time spent after the farm fell.

It was decided in your mind after this run you would put all your card on the table. So while you were in the warehouse grabbing future farm tools Daryl walked past you making you turn and speak, “Hey, wanna share what little whiskey I have left when we get back.” Daryl turned a small smirk barely noticeably, he grunted before speaking, “Bring out booze? Must be a special occasion.” You glance away then back to him, gathering courage, “Just thought maybe it was about time we talked.” You smiled and walked past him with your head held high mimicking confidence. Little did you know you made the hair on the back of his neck stand and his heart beat just that much faster.

Finally dusk was fast approaching and everyone was gathered around the fire discussing before getting ready to leave. You sat staring into the fire half listening to the chatter of everyone. You had your arms around yourself trying to stop the wind. You were playing out things in your mind to say to Daryl. Trying to develop a way to get your feelings across. Strange how things escalate to life or death. Your peaceful gaze into the now hot coals was interrupted with sounds of gun shots drowned with screams and sounds of the dead marching. It was damn unlucky to have had two herds merge into each other at the warehouse. It was frantic but quick. You had been left to put of the fires. You had waited by the last smoldering one to beat the cold before all of you departed. When the gun fire and screams started you hadn’t thought to look behind you with all the action in front of you.

You heard a thunk before you felt something fall on top of you pulling you to the ground by your legs. You kicked and thrashed killing the walker that snuck up on you. However you noticed a wave of walkers now pulled down a part of the fence with their eyes dead set on you. A few slipping out of through holes in the fence. You unhooked your side arm from its place on your thigh. Pulling the knife you apparently stuck into the walker that jumped you. You look all around you trying to navigate options. But the situation that had originally got your attention also seemed to escalate with another wave of walkers come from every direction. That’s when your awareness made you freeze all together. A pain to your side close to your back. Lifting the layers of your cloths a mark of teeth bleed.

You had been bite.

Ice filled your veins, fear. Your grip tightened on your weapons. You stare as walkers closed the distance. Your name rung in your ears. Daryl scream for your attention, you slowly turned to him. He was a distance away behind a fence with others who seemed to escape the first wave they’d met. Even if you hadn’t been bite to may blocked your way to run into any means of safety. Daryl waved his hands trying beckon you to run to him. He looked like he was going to jump the already bending fence to get to you. Other faces you recognized to be the family you had found yelling in panic along with Daryl’s. You slowly pulled your shirt turning to them. Blood ran down dripping into your pants from the deathly injury. Others seeming to realize what had happened.

“NOOOOOOO!”

The pained yell Daryl had ripped out from himself being followed by the snapping fence falling to the pressure of the herd. Daryl still stood even with the danger coming to him, Rick clearly holding him back with Glenn running over to help drag him away. You smiled at Daryl some tears running down your face, probably the last Daryl will see it as his face disappeared from your sight. You turned around to the herd closer to you. A few walkers had gotten closer to you than you thought. This was your last stand. You fired gunshot after gunshot while managing to kill some with your knife. You tripped on one of the bodys you had put down. You fell expecting to quickly get back up and continue your count down to death bringing any dead bastard with you. But a flare of unexpected pain at your landing made a blood curdling scream vibrate into the air. You had landed into the fire pit. Hot coals with little flame burning you. Ambers exploding around you with your fall. Your open wound on your side sizzles adding more pain to the specific area. You instinctively jumped up away from the pit. Groaning while you forced yourself to stand vision blurred and legs wobbling.

It’s funny… to know you’re about to die. You could never imagine the things to go through your mind until it happens. Your past didn’t flash before your eyes. More thoughts of the future. How will people take your death? Maybe If this didn’t happen then how would you fit into there future. What if you had that drink with Daryl… That pushed you to now. Right now. You woke up. Groggy cold and numb. The smell of death strong. You weren’t sure if maybe you were a walker maybe it was all a dream.

The haze lifted with a spike of your adrenaline as your eyes focus. A walker close to your face with your knife jammed into its head. A gasp filled your lungs, you weren’t dead? You were lying on your stomach under the U haul nearly freezing. The body of walkers all around you seemed to be your insulation. You take in the scene around you, then you do the only logical thing, cry. A sob ripped from you, tears streaming down your now dirt covered face that was laying in the dirt. You were scared, in pain, and alone. It seemed like the only thing you could really do and have the mind to do. In the small gaps that walkers didn’t cover a slight glow came. You pushed through the body’s crawling between them until fresh air hit you. Dark gray clouds hung above you.

The night had passed while you were under the truck. You caught sight of the littered bodys around the area. It was quiet. Not a soul or other wise empty vessel around. You attempted to stand but fell when you became light headed and unbalanced. Another attempt had lead you slowly to your feet. You were covered in dirt. You could only think you were rolling around in it while keeping walkers away from you under the car. The longer you were awake the more you came back to yourself. A hand slowly moved to your forehead. You were cold but shouldn’t you have a fever by now? At the thought you moved some of the fabric from your bite only stopping when your cloths were singed to your body. Were the bite was now was left with a deep embedded scorch marks. Coals had seemed to burned you up to your shoulder and down to your hip on you left side.

The sight of it made you gag but you couldn’t feel a thing from it. The burns must have destroyed the nerves. If the infection of being bite wasn’t going to kill you the infection sure to come from this wound would. A flare of life filled you. A broken chuckle passed your lips filling the dead silence. You need Hershel badly and soon if you wanted a chance to live. A chance was better than what you had thought. You slowly turn around to the U hale in hopes you could drive it back but the tires were blown and a rainbow like liquid had formed a puddle. You probably shot at walkers while under there damaging the car. Like damaging the gas tank and somehow not exploding so you’ll take that win. No that meant you just had to walk several miles back to the prison. Suddenly you remembered you weren’t bond to the roads so maybe you were closer then you thought.

So you took off north into the woods, hopeful and better yet alive.

Daryl POV

Of course nothing ever goes smoothly and this damn run was no exception. It was so close, they were all packed and ready to go. A herd coming didn’t seem like a big deal just alerting them there was no time to dilly dally. So after killing a few and saving people who got surprised by it they stood behind a chain fences that wasn’t going to hold for long the more that pushed against it. Daryl’s eyes flickered to everyone behind the fence. Panic now felt when his eyes didn’t meet yours. He turned back around frantically until he say you standing facing what looked to be another herd. His eyes widened and your name was flying out of his mouth before he even knew he was doing it. You just stood there, not even in a defensive posture, just casually. Your head turned to meet his after hearing him.

Tears ran down your face but your face remained to looked shocked. Maybe you froze in panic so he gestured for you to come quickly but you didn’t move. Soon others joined in calling for you. But when you moved and lifted your shirt he felt like he was sinking. Blood dripped down your side and teeth were imprinted in your skin. His eyes flicked back up to yours to see you smiling at him. He was screaming and moving without a thought.

“NOOOOOOOO!”

A hand grabbed his shirt and then the fence in front of them fell. He still tried moving forward even then but other sets of hands now pulled him backwards. He grunted and gasped still looking at you as he was moved away. The smile on your face directed at him. The look in your eyes saying so many words that he didn’t have the time to decipher in the moment. He didn’t know the words coming from his mouth but he was yelling. For whoever holding him to let him help you in curses and cry’s. When he lost sight of you is when he faltered. More people seemed to be dragging him now. A gunshot went off making him jump in his skin along with the others around him. Sound now processing in his ears. Maggie sobbing along with muffled crying from others.

Everyone had assumed that gunshot was you giving yourself mercy. Then more came making him start dragging his heels again. You were fighting, you were bring some of the herd on them back to you. He was going to fight to get to you. But he froze along with the people clawing him backwards. You were screaming. No you were dying and they all were hearing it. It was guttural and sudden like you were surprised. He was yelling in tears now, “NOOO PLEASE-“ his words jumping starting people again to pull him away. Your pained cries fading when he was pulled into a car. Tyrese was the one locking him in place. Rick driving with Michonne in the passenger side leaning over like she was going to be sick.

Daryl was now desperate to grab air in his lungs as has he went limp in Tyrese grasp. His gasps filled with the now humming engine felt like he was spiraling. Sounds muffled and thoughts racing. ‘Just thought maybe it was about time we talked.’ The feeling from the words originally was like butterflies, now it was hornets. You always wiggled your away into his arms. Excuses of ‘it’s cold.’ or ‘But you’re always so warm.’ He knew for some reason you had taken interest in him. You had lit some dumb teenage feeling in him. Thoughts of you always crossing his mind throughout the day. Hopes of you trying to make your way into his space later in the day. The first time you fell asleep on him was when you crawled in his lap during watch and shivered endlessly while he held you. He continued to watch gaze flickering through trees while holding you and he knew deep down he was screwed.

The fear that kept him away and doubting had come true. He watched trees go by through the window in silence. Tyrese still holding him as he was lying across the seats. Like he would jump out the moving vehicle if given the chance. Even though he didn’t act on his feeling he had still loved you. He felt cold inside. The cold that would have drawn you to him. He will never hold you to him again. His hands trembled to his face and covered his eyes. Your screams echoing in his mind, your sad loving smile played into his mind. His palms dug into his eyes and he cried. His tears breaking seemed to trigger those around him. He heard Rick holding his breath as he sniffled. Michonne would occasionally suck in a gasp. Tyrese trembled with sighs and coughs trying to break the growing ball in his throat.

Eventually making it back to the prison Carl swung the gate open happily for two cars and Carol riding on Daryl’s bike. The unsuspecting grief hadn’t reached the prison but when they got out of the cars it was felt in waves. They were still seemed lost in thoughts, or lost in a moment. Carl looked on to his father who held is head down and hands on his hips. Maggie making her way to her father and cried silently when he hugged her with Glenn close by eyebrows furrowed in pain. When looking at Daryl it was clear to who they lost. He was stock still and pale, in shock. Hershel practically herded them into the cell block. Carol tried to come near him while walking there but he just shock his head and pushed past her.

They sat in silence sitting at the tables they had their breakfast just this morning. Daryl leaned on the wall keeping his distance. Rick was standing and looking on to everyone hunched in to themselves. Judith in his arms was probably the only reason Daryl didn’t go into a berserk rage. Though when Rick started retelling what had happened to the other that weren’t there he was gettin close to it. Nails digging into his palms and teeth clenched he still listened.

“Y/n’s gone… We were just about ready to go when a herd spooked us.” Rick sighed now looking to everyone’s face. “We had gotten behind a fence and Y/N was putting fires out…” Beth had clear tears now growing in her eyes as she listened. “We think a separate herd flanked us but we were so busy with the first to notice. She was across from us with a herd closing in from behind and in front of her. She could have possibly made it… if-“ he cleared is throat starting again. “If she didn’t lift her shirt showing us she was already doomed. I don’t know when or how, but she was bite.” Rick paused then chuckled wetly, “She had to go out being a badass, could hear it in my mind ‘Was it cool at least?’ Always theatrics with that one.” The thought bubbles in Daryl’s stomach, ‘she always said if she was ever going out it was in a blaze of glory, nothing “lame”.’ Daryl leaned forward off the wall moving to pass by everyone. Everyone had stilled at his movement but he just walked into the cell block.

He needed a minute, to cope, scream, cry, yell, he didn’t know but he felt like he was dying. He found his way up the stairs and pushing past the stupid Dino sheets you chose for your room. ‘They’re not ugly! We have a lot more in common with are extinct friends now. Though I would have preferred a meteor…’ He stared at everything that had been left where you had it. He stumbled to sit on the edge of your bed looking around. You had so many weird thing… you were so weird. A now deflated happy birthday ballon he remembered you yelling, ‘JACKPOT’ when you found it scavenging. Then his eyes locked onto a bottle of whiskey. It was not even half full but when he saw it tears started falling quietly. He picked it up and held it to his chest.

“Just thought maybe it was about time we talked.” That sentence would haunt him forever.

Your POV

You groaned like the dead as you made your way through the woods. Speaking of the dead they didn’t much notice you. That had made you spiral in the whole am I really a walker?! But then you remember you were covered in dirt and blood and walking like you had a few to many. You were starting to feel warm putting you into a cold sweat. It was hard to not think that maybe the bite was still going to kill you. You had burnt it with the rest of your back to hell. You probably look like you crawled out from hell. The thought made you dazily laugh out loud. Ok so maybe you were delirious. If that manic laugh that bubbled from you wasn’t any indication. You weren’t thinking straight. Only moving in the direction you think is to the prison? God you could go for some pasta right about now, Olive Garden salad and bread sticks… damn. Little mint at the end. You trip out of your thoughts slamming into the forest floor with a groan.

It had snapped you back into a clearer head space. Your vision swam a little but you started to push yourself back up. So turns out your near death thoughts weren’t as epic as you thought they were going to be, just bread sticks and mints. You sighed looking around trying to gain your bearings. You could hear some water to your right meaning you were indeed going the right way. Just 20 more minutes and you were back to the prison. You wonder if you could have had a dinner date with Daryl. I suppose you still could if you didn’t die. The poor man had tried running into a herd for you. You were getting more unbalanced as you walked leaning from tree to tree. Wood splitting and jamming into your hands, only adding to a list of injures. The worst part was you didn’t feel much of anything pain wise. The cold numbed you and your lack of cognitive ability was no better help.

The stream broke off flowing into the direction of the prison. You saw the bridge that held the water pump before the prison. You somehow managed to get back here. The prison was still quieter than normal. You could see closer to the gate a few people were clearing walkers, vision to bleary to know who. A thunk sounded coming into the middle of the inclosed clearing. Rick was cutting wood with Carl moving logs for him to cut. Slowly making your way to the fence you didn’t realize your throat was so scratchy, nothing but a huff of air coming out. That’s right, you had been screaming…. and crying. You lean into the fence hands intertwined with the cool dewy metal.

A walker was pushed against the fence to your right staring to Rick and Carl too. You slowly push down to the floor grabbing a stick. You pushed back up using the fence to walk closer to the walker. Taking a deep breath you kicked the back of the walkers legs making it fall to its knees. The walker grumbled in shock or protest but it was silence with the stick shoved in its eyes. The constant noise of the walker was acknowledged by the Grimes so when it abruptly stopped they looked over to where it was. You were leaning into the side of the fence as you heard feet approaching, “Who are- Holy shit!” You heard them running and the sound got farther from you. The heavy gate door grunted open and the running sound came back toward you. You tried moving along the fence, tripping yet again on the walker, this time only to your knees.

A shadow fell over you causing you to look up seeing Rick kneeling in front of you, hands moving to pull you up. Your adrenaline was dropping now that the task you set for yourself was complete. The fall made your head swim, voices now muffled as blood pulled into your head. You saw Rick talking but didn’t comprehend anything he said. He soon pointed at Carl and your eyes moved over to the boy. Walkers had made their way out of the woods at the commotion. You suddenly were being jostled now. Rick had put an arm to the back of your shoulders and his other arm to the back of your knees and lifted you into him. You were slightly over Rick’s shoulder as he quickly moved. Then you realized what Rick was yelling.

“HERSHEL! HERSHEL! HERSHEL!”

That was right, you wanted Hershel to help you… help you? What for again? Your mind clicked as you watched the door of the gate close behind you. Some faces now appeared as Rick continued to carry while trying not to dig his hands into your injury. You had been injured, right. Some looks you caught while over Rick shoulder was nothing you’ve seen direct at yourself. The group formed shuffling to the gate to get into the court yard. You recognized Maggie gasping and her saying, “Oh my god is she alive?! H-how?” You rumbled out a deep noise. “Cause I’m a badass.” You were becoming slack and your vision was blurring. You were trying to remain awake. Maybe for the face you so desperately wanted to see, and the other part of you was afraid you wouldn’t wake back up. But at last you involuntarily relaxed as you heard him, “Y/N!” His voice was pained and dry, but it sent a smile to your face before you went still as Rick continued moving you.

Daryl POV

He fell asleep in your bed. Selfishly taking in what little smell was left of your space. The whiskey bottle was held to his chest untouched. He kept waking up ever hour. He felt wrong like something was missing. His body knew that you weren’t with him and it made him restless. He would think about your screams feeling like he still heard them. He would play back random moments with you. He just couldn’t seem to move. Stuck laying down holding the bottle you both were going to share, stuck going in and out of consciousness. He was depressed he realized. It was the norm for his sadness to spark rage but he just felt defeated. With Merle he got angry, upset even. But he could still move. His world was still moving then but now he wasn’t sure how it kept spinning with you gone.

Everyone was already moving through the day doing tasks that needed to be completed. He heard the shuffles and whispers of his friends- his family. He would hear someone’s breath hitch while talking about you. He was left alone with Glenn being the one saying, “Leave the man alone.” With other things like, ‘when Lori died-‘ or, ‘if it had been Maggie I’d be the same.’ He would thank the man on another day. So here he is still, morning coming to pass, in your bed staring at the ceiling. He tried to not think about how you might be a walker wondering or even worse your body was still there. He would have to push himself up to that. But the silence around the prison seemed to have broke.

The heavy door that lead in from out doors slammed opened and a panicked Maggie nervously yelled for her father. “D-Daddy somethings wrong Rick’s yelling for you!” Daryl’s hearing perked up feeling the pit in his stomach drop further. Dread seeping into him, ‘Another bad thing was happening.’ He heard the clicking of Hershel’s crutch’s as he moved through the door that Maggie’s had burst through. Daryl squeezed his eyes shut before sucking in a breath in and huffing it out. He got up.

He got to his feet moving down the stairs buzzing with adrenaline. Not sure if he was going to have to protect people or kill someone. As Daryl pushed through the metal door to the court yard an icy wind blew through him. The hair on the back of his neck stood. He turned over to the commotion gathering by the gate to the yard. Scanning the area he didn’t see danger so he made his way over to the group. “Oh my god is she alive?! H-how?” Daryl’s eyebrows furrowed as he got closer over hearing people now.

“Cause I’m a badass.”

Although the voice was deep and scratchy he froze at the familiar voice. He only paused for a moment before he started running the rest of the way there, “Y/N!” His voice was slightly harsh with dis use and the ball of tension in his throat didn’t help much either. You were being held up in a weird way by Rick but you sluggish turned drooping slightly as you did. When your eyes met you smiled but it slowly fell as you went slack. Rick was moving again with the demands of Hershel yelling orders to Carol and Maggie to gather things. Daryl saw your cloths, burnt holes and black and red covered you. Your skin stuck sticking to fabric as deep char marks riddled your back and side. He was speechless as the group passed him but he still followed. Maybe he fell asleep again and was dreaming all this.

“I need disinfectant and a bucket of clean water!”

Rick had set you down on your stomach in an unused cell. Your arm dangled over edge swaying. He stood the watching in shock. People were scrambling around him. He didn’t realize he had gotten the bottle still in his hands before he looked down and walked over practically shoving it into the man’s arms. Daryl was wide eyed as he watched your still form, “Daryl I need you to cut off her clothes. Be careful of her shirt.” A hand clasped to his shoulder finally clicking everything into place. His hand had moved for his knife and he slowly cut down right side on a seam. He slowly plead the shirt from you. It would stick then tug and pull off of you making him cringe. Hershel started talking again as Daryl moved to pull down your jeans.

“You said she was bite?” Daryl let your pants fall to the floor as he looked back up to the side he had seen it. Your entire side was indented and black. Some black circles were higher up to your shoulders as your enter left side seemed to have taken most of the burns. He pointed to were he had last saw the bite. “It was here- shit she fell into the fire pit.” The screams he heard played back into his mind. The pain and surprise that had ripped from you. Hershel now with a cloth and water started cleaning the area removing the grim, “That means she might have stopped the spread of the infection with how deep these burns are.” Hershel paused looking over her body. He then put a hand to your forehead, “She’s warm but not feverish…” Hershel grabbed the bottle of whiskey again turning to Daryl and popping the lid of,

“Get out of here Daryl. Maggie! Carol! I need hands!”

He watched as the two girls push past him and before he was out of sight from you saw Hershel dump some of the alcohol onto the area. He stepped out turning to see worried and confused faces. They stared at him silently with the background noise of Hershel making demands of his helpers. Sasha almost whispered her question to him, "How is she still alive?" Everyone turned to her before looking at him expectantly as the wondered the same. Daryl looked like he was visibly thinking before he sighed, "I don't know. She fell in the fireplace is all I know." Rick looked to the floor nodding thinking back to when he first saw you and struggled to pick you up around what looked to be burns. Daryl spoke again almost hopefully, "Hershel thinks there's a chance she stop the infection from spreading with how deep the burns are."

Hopeful gasps filled the air. Carl was the next to speak almost as a demand, "Then we going to use all are medical supplies we've got if there is a chance." Rick whispered, "Carl..." but Beth jumped in. "W-we have it for reasons like these! I know she is technically bite but we have no clue if she stopped it, its worth splurging to see if this could save others!" Rick looked surprised at the outburst mouth opening about to speak before Glenn jumped in also pleading to him, "Well find more!" Other silently agreeing and nodding. Daryl looked between the group so determined about your life smirking at it even but, he knew what Rick was trying to say. Sure enough the man had chuckled shacking his head, "Why are you all looking at me for, I'm not the leader anymore. This is a matter for the council. But I think that decision has already been made." It had only started not to long ago with Rick being the stand in while everyone settled on who the council consisted of. Michonne clapped her hands together, "Right is has been settled then, what ever cost to keep her alive." It was a waiting game now.

Days pass with the prison fueled with a hope. The once depressive air had lifted once Hershel declared you stable and with no fever. It was determined until a day later with still no fever you were not infected. The only problem now way you had yet to wake up. The girls had cleaned you of all the caked on dirt from your skin and hair they best they could with you unconscious and your injury. Daryl with any of his free time was by your side. He even took to sleeping in the bunk above you. He changed your bandage most of the time. You were on the your third IV by the 5th day. Daryl had a chair pulled by your side as he fiddled with his crossbow and bolts, your steady breathing having a calming effect on him. The breathing pattern faltered for a second making him look up to you. He stared for a moment before you seemed to grunt in pain. The hair was rising on the back of his neck. Hazy eyes open and your cuffed hand attempted to move but was halted by it be attached to the metal bed frame in the wall.

Daryl felt his heart race as he watched you slowly and groggily start moving. He reached to stopping your hand from moving with his own. "Hey, stay down." You groaned pain probably hitting you finally making Daryl call for Hershal. The clicking of crutch’s came closer but he looked back down to you at your sudden silence. Your eyes met with his and in that moment you saw straight into his soul making him feel exposed. All his nerves seemed to stand on end with your quiet gaze. A small smile creeping it way on your face. Daryl leaned down moving some hair from your face as you remained on your stomach. When he was crouched closer to you he whispered, “Hey darlin’…” You huffed out air and a tear ran down your cheek. He was smiling down at you feeling the weight of deaths grip finally releasing you back to him.

Hershel broke the moment but he never stopped holding your hand as the older man fussed over you. Your voice was rough to say the least. He winched at your first attempt at using it. “iM aLivE…?” Daryl squeezed your hand and the ball in his throat suck to his chest as he let out a chuckle. You seemed just as surprised of the fact just like them. You hissed before flinching forcibly relaxing your muscles but you still spoke again, “tHe BiTe?” Hershel had moved injecting something in your IV bag, pain killers hopefully. Your eyes barely following the movement as Hershel spoke calmly with a smile, “You’ve been out for a few days. No fever. We are working on the burns because they are festering but blistering. You killed the infection.” Your eyes squeezed shut and you sniffled a little tears poured from your eyes in relief. Daryl couldn’t help for his eyes to blur a little to. A hand fell to his shoulder, Hershel. “Her blood pressure is still low so keep her lying down. Try and fed her something small for now until she is up right.”

With that he hobbled away probably going to spread the good news that you are up. His attention snapped back to you when he heard a faint whisper of his name, “daryl.” You had a dopey grin as you stare up at him making the knotted ball in his stomach loosen. You smile falter and a harsh sounding, “woOaH-“ your eyes blinking like your vision got blurry. He intertwined his fingers behind yours as he keyed open the cuffs. “goDdaMn…. HaRdcorE dRugS hEllo~” Daryl chuckled seeing you sag in relief. Your eyes moved to something behind him a long, “hEeeY…” your lips pouting. He turned around questioningly at what you were staring at. The bottle of now empty whiskey, aah. He turned back to you running his free hand into your hair, “Don’t look at me I didn’t drink it.” You stare at the bottle softly saying, “How wiLl I woe a DiXon nOw?”

Daryl sighs feeling that ever burning in his chest when it comes to you. “Don’t think you need to worry to much about that, think he is beyond woed.” You dawn a familiar smirk he knows means trouble. ‘Mmm’ vibrates from your chest, “Good… been really laying it on thick as of late. Hell crawled back from death for the guy.” Your voice seemed to not rattle in your hushed tone. You seemed to struggle to keep your eyes open and focus you spoke once more before closing your eyes and falling to drugs and exhaustion, “So much for not using the med supply like Hershel said…”

Love burns with either the loss of them or the fact they exist in the first place, but you would say the fireplace hurt a tad bit more than loving your gruff hunter.

Feedback welcome and requests open!

[thebestsetter]

Leo Valdez is kinda obsessed with you.

Like, really. Even before you two began dating. Actually, especially before you two started dating.

Here's the thing: Leo was used to getting rejected by lots of girls, overlooked by everyone and feeling like he was not and would never be good enough. So, when someone - you - treated him with minimal decency, he was absolutely and undeniably hooked.

Your smile, your laugh, your touch, and everything about you made him feel all warm inside (even if he's already literally warm - but you know what I mean). And yet, he couldn't find the strength to confess to you, even if his feelings were eating him from the inside out.

It's just that - he felt like didn't deserve you. You deserved someone much better than little old him, and that's why he never made any advances besides the rare playful flirting (that only happened when he was feeling VERY brave).

But, one day, he decided enough was enough. He couldn't take it anymore: just watching you and knowing you're not his. Just thinking about you with another person made his stomach churn and his mouth feel dry.

He needed to find a way to win you over. He REALLY needed to. For both him AND for his friends, since they couldn't handle him talking about you all the time anymore.

But he couldn't just go and talk to you. Oh no, no. He needed it go perfectly. That's why he needed to practice.

"I love you, bad boy Leo!"

"No, you're not supposed to say that yet! I can't believe I messed up. Now, which wire do I need to unplug..."

It was a really funny scene, honestly. Just picture it: Leo freaking Valdez, one of the seven demigods from the prophecy, a guy who literally defied nature's order and came back from the dead, inside of bunker 9, talking to a robot who had a certain female demigod's voice and face stuck by tape to it's robotic "face".

"Okay, it should be all fixed now!" He smiled, clapping his hands to clean them a little "Let's try again. Caham!" He cleaned his throat and turned away from the machine.

Leo patted his shirt, passed his hands through his hair, fixed his imaginary tie and smelt his breath. When he deemed all was perfect, he turned back to the robot.

"Hello, mi Vida! How are you? Bet you're better now that I'm here"

"Yes, Leo! I'm much better now that you're here!" The robotic voice answered, using the pre-progamed speech

"Well, I need to talk to you about something very important" he grabbed the robot's hands, squeezing them while staring intently at your printed face

"Sure, Leo! I wanna talk to you all day!"

"Thank you for the compliment, Hermosa!" He smirked, and then started to get closer to the robot's face "I needed a lot of courage to actually talk to you. You know, you're an amazing person - the most amazing I've ever seen -, and I realized I fell for you because of that. I really, really like you. You're strong as heck, smart, funny, beautiful and, if I'm being honest, WAY out of my league. I know I'm probably too bad for you, but please give me a chance. I love you! Do you love me back?"

He waited a little. If he programmed this machine right (and he was sure he had. It was one of the most difficult - yet important - machine he had made in a long time), you - and by you, I mean the machine - were supposed to say...

"Hm. I'll think about it. You're kinda strange, you know? Talking to a robot and pretending it's me. But you're also cute, so I'll give it a shot"

"What the heck? It wasn't supposed to say that!" He muttered, confused, looking at the machine

"Hey! Don't call robot me an "it"! She's a "she", thank you very much!"

He was hallucinating. He probably was mentally ill or something. He hoped he was, at least. Because there was no way he just heard your voice. And not the robotic voice - your voice. That unmistakable sound, the one who appeared in his dreams and nightmares.

He didn't want to turn around. He didn't want to face you.

"H-how..." he asked, his hands forming little flames and face red "How much did you hear?"

"Since the very beggining" you laughed, and he could hear you getting closer - yet he still didn't want to turn around. "I didn't expect to see you talking to a robot version of me when Percy asked me to come bring you lunch"

He was going to kill Percy Jackson.

"Can't say I didn't like it, tho"

Huh. Maybe Jackson deserved to live another day.

"Really?"

"Really. I like you, Valdez. Ever since you gave me that tour on my first day here."

He finally - finally - turned to face you. His eyes drank in you - all of you. From your beautiful locks to your scrapped knees to your face. The shine in your eyes was something no printer could ever replicate.

"Really?" At that moment, he was the one who looked like a broken machine, repeating the same thing over and over - but he was still NOT believing this. He couldn't believe you actually liked him back. Him, the guy who talks to machines as though their living beings.

"Really" you laughed, the sound bringing a smile to his lips, as you got closer and closer till your hands were in his and he could literally smell your perfume "Let's give this a shot, Repair Boy"

Oh boy. You just broke him. Guess there's some things not even Repair Boy is capable of fixing, after all. His enourmous crush on you being one of them.

~ A/N: first pjo fic!! How are we feeling guys? 😋

[icanseethefuture333]

PAC: What your pretty self needs to hear for Valentine's Day ♡

Your heart's message to you + a message from your secret admirer 💌

They say the truth ain't pretty, but coming from that pretty mouth

The truth is fitting, cause you ain't ever talkin' loud

And you know plenty

Yeah, you know what I'm talkin' about

Cause you just get me

Yeah, you so pretty... ♡

Pile 1:

Your heart's message to you:

Shufflemancy -

Girl by Destiny's Child

Far by SZA

I MISS YOU SO BAD by iKON

The Lovers, Seven of Cups, & Three of Cups

So what your heart wishes to tell to you is that there is still love out there. You may have previously gotten over an ex, a past crush, or you are in the process of recovering from a break up. In the song "Far" SZA asks Sadhguru how to deal with rejection, in which he responds, "That's great! If nobody wants you then you're free." You have to look on the bright side of things. You also have to know what your worth is. No one else can define your worth but you. You have to be secure with who you are as a person. No one can love the parts you need to heal from. Once you feel fulfilled with who you are as a person. That is when you can form healthy connection with others. I believe you still are hoping for you and this person to get back together but you are hurting yourself even more by obsessing over this person (was going to say focus but instead I heard obsess). Reflect on your current situation and ask yourself, "What wound is this person triggering in me?". What do you need to move on from? To take care of your heart you should do some self reflection. Journaling and shadow work would help provide some clarity. Your heart asks you to not fall back into old habits. Self love is important for your growth, pile 1!

Your secret admirer's message to you:

Shufflemancy -

Time To Love by Red Velvet

Changes by Jeff Bernat

I Think I'm Falling by KOHH

Wallflower, New Love, & Union

There is a new love coming in for you! This person could be shy and likes to admire you from afar. They could be self conscious about some things about themselves as well. The feelings seem to be mutual here. There could be a new crush that you like and wish to speak to, but are to nervous to ask them out of fear of rejection. Don't fret! Confessing your feelings helps build courage. If the person rejects you, then that just means there isnsomeone else better out there for you. It is not the end of the world just because you got rejected. Have a little more confidence in yourself, you are great, pile 1! Regardless, I see you and this secret admirer actually being intimate. Things could develop into something more serious with this union card. So make sure to be open to this energy and give them a chance at love ♡

Pile 2:

Your heart's message to you:

Shufflemancy -

Mine by Slayyyter

ANTIFRAGILE by LE SSERAFIM

Post To Be by Omarion ft. Chris Brown & Jhené Aiko

Four of Cups, Eight of Wands, & The Fool

Your heart does not want to be tied down at the moment! I believe it has plenty of love to give lol. You also have no problem with turning people down or vice versa. You are looking for a fling and just wish to have a casual relationship! You could have a lot of options in love and would like to explore things romantically, maybe even sexually. Your heart suggests that you focus on your happiness and learn what pleases you. Love does not always have to be serious. Sometimes short lived romances have the best stories to tell! You will be feeling very confident and sexy in your romantic endeavors.

Your secret admirer's message to you:

Shufflemancy -

Boys Wanna Be Her by Peaches

No Flex Zone by Rae Sremmurd

STUCK IN MY HEAD by Twice

Open Relationship, Mature Woman, & Fun Times

This secret admirer of yours is honestly hilarious 😭. I kept getting meme songs and I hs to shuffle again to get a proper message. This could be my queer pile as well 🏳️‍🌈. I'm getting Renee Rapp vibes from your secret admirer, Pile 2 😋. They could suit the 'girl crush' aesthetic or if it is someone who identifies as masculine, they have a very pretty face. They are open minded, flirtatious, and exciting to be around. This person wishes to tell you that you are stuck in their head! They find you to be "so fine" 😜! They would like take you out soon. I'm getting it will be a bar date or they will take you dancing at a night club.

Pile 3:

Your heart's message to you:

Shufflemancy -

More Than Enough by Alina Baraz

Bluffin by Brent Faiyaz

Mona Lisa by Naji ft. Monter Booker

Death, Six of Swords, & Six of Pentacles

Oh, pile 3, bless your heart 🥹. You are someone who has such a kind, gentle heart. You have the purest intentions and for that people can tell how geniune you are as a person. You could be selfless and caring towards others. You have so much love to give that it is obvious to others. I don't see any bitterness in your heart and I feel like your heart wishes to tell you how proud it is of you for being able to find forgiveness. You are leaning to let go of the people who have hurt you in the past. The essence of your spirit is so soft and it's very beautiful to witness. Your heart's message to you is that anyone would be lucky to have you in their life. So don't ever feel like you are not enough because you're more than that. You are this cup that is overflowing with love and sincerity.

Your secret admirer's message to you:

Shufflemancy -

At Your Best (You Are Loved) by Aaliyah

Freaky Deaky by Tyga ft. Doja Cat

LOVE by Kendrick Lamar ft. Zacari

Dating, True Love, & True Gem

Your secret admirer absolutely adores you, pile 3. They see your value as a person and they know that there is no one else like you in this world. You have so much love to give and they do as well. I am getting that they want to literally treat you like a princess/princess - just overall royalty. Their have geniune intentions as well and they would like to spoil you this Valentine's day ❤. (Channeled song: Kiss It Better by Rihanna 💋) for a few of you, you and your specific person could be separated. I see that things will turn out for the better soon. So have faith in yourself and in this person for things to work out. They could offer you some sort of proposal, love offer, or a token of their gratitude to show how much they love you. I see things would be passionate, flirty, and romantic for you and your secret admirer 🎆.

Pile 4:

Your heart's message to you:

Shufflemancy -

Green Light by Beyoncé

Standing Next To You by Jungkook

God of Music by SEVENTEEN

Two of Pentacles, Page of Wands, & The Magician

You are such an optimistic person, pile 4! You could be someone who often gives advice to others and help others look on the bright side of things. You radiate such positive energy and it makes you a joy to be around. You could be someone who knows what they want and goes after it. You know how to balance your heart with your brain. Intuitive but also logical. People wonder how you are able to turn your ideas into reality. Your heart's message to you is to keep going after your goals and not let anyone distract you from your dreams. As long as you are happy that is all that matters. Your heart also wishes to tell you that whatever makes you light up inside is meant for you. Whatever your heart is set on whether that's a new job, house, etc. You have the ability to manifest whatever you desire.

Your secret admirer's message to you:

Shufflemancy -

Phone Me by Che Ecru

Novacane by Frank Ocean

Own It by Drake

Passion, Friendship, & Communication

For some of you, you could be currently in a "situationship" or have a FWB with someone. While for others, your secret admirer is possibly a friend of yours. This person is conflicted on how to approach you. You may receive a text or phone call from them soon where they ask you about your relationship with another. They could ask you how you feel about them or drop hints that they are attracted to you. The ball is in your park, pile 4, if you decide to be more than just friends with this person.

Pile 5:

Your heart's message to you:

Shufflemancy -

Girl Like Me by Alexa Demie

Fulfillment? By Kilo Kish

Baddie by IVE

Eight of Cups, Two of Cups, & Seven of Swords

I am getting like "manic pixie dream girl" vibes from you, Pile 5. Something about you is hard to pin point to others. Mysterious but also so enchanting. You know you are someone who is complex but also so beautiful. You have these interesting quirks that makes you stand out and memorable to others. You are comfortable with who you are as a person and it could have took you a long time to get to a place of being this self assured. You could have a child like wonder as well and it is admirable to others. You could be questioning what direction to take in life and could find "adulting" very hard but don't give up, pile 5! Everything will be okay in the end. Your heart's message to you is to learn what gives you emotional fulfillment in life. Also to not take shit from no one. What's interesting is your face could look quite sweet but you are actually feisty and have a firey spirit. There is a duality to your personality and its attractive. I am getting like Song Jia, Alexa Demie, Wonyoung, & Taylor Russell vibes from you, pile 5. Your heart wants you to embrace your confidence and focus on the abundance in your future. Do not let people drag you down and dim your light. Your heart believes it is time for some self pampering. Set your standards high in love and know that you are deserving of everything you desire. I also believe it is time to burn bridges with people who no longer serve you. How can you live the life of your dreams if other people only acknowledge the version of yourself that no longer resonates with you? If you wish to be the girl of your dreams, you have to learn to put yourself first.

Your secret admirer's message to you:

Shufflemancy -

Lilith by Halsey

Ditto by NewJeans

High Fashion by Roddy Rich ft. Mustard

Triangle, Travel, & Spiritual Growth

What is this Single's Inferno?! You have options, pile 5. You could have more than one secret admirer. You could be observing your current options in love and feeling "Well! Let the best person win☺️!" I see people wanting to fly you out and pay for your trips, oh my🫠. One of the people you will date could be popular or have a well known social status. You give people butterflies and some of you may know what affect you have on people, while some of you are innocent to the fact. You could receive love confessions or you may even already have. I feel like you are the type of person who receives love letters, jewelry, candies, and box of chocolates, if not you are going to be spoiled for this Valentine's day! You could meet your secret admirer(s) while traveling or when going on vacation. Your secret admirer's message to you is that they "like you" and hoping you feel the same 💕. They want to understand your love language and words of affirmations / gift giving could be one of their love languages in particular.

Pile 6:

Your heart's message to you:

Shufflemancy -

Rose by Miyeon

Honey Dew by Lion Babe

Chanel by TiaCorine

King of Pentacles, Five of Wands, & Queen of Cups

I feel like you are at odds with your heart and brain right now, pile 6. You seem to feel confused about a decision you have to make. I believe you could think things are "sweeter" in other people's lives but that is not necessarily true. I know sometimes we can want what other people have but if it gets to the point of comparing yourselves to others then its not healthy. You have to remember to be grateful for what you have in life. It's okay to want the finer things, but what are you overlooking when you are doing that? Your heart's message to you is to not worry about what other people are doing in life and instead focus on what makes you great of a person. You are just as lovable, sweet, and beautiful.

Your secret admirer's message to you:

Shufflemancy -

Congratulations by Mac Miller ft. Bilal

Little Things by Sunni Colón

Aura by Mariah The Scientist

Work, Money, & Long Distance

I believe you and this person are already in a relationship. If not, your secret admirer will be the next person you end up in a romantic relationship with. This person could live further away from you and has a high paying job. They prefer to take on a traditional role of a provider. This person could have a hard time discussing their feelings though and shows their love through acts of services. While you, I feel you are more of an emotional person. You both could have a hard time expressing your feelings and thoughts properly to each other, which would cause conflict. Things might be tense for Valentine's Day. You and your secret admirer could have strong feelings for each other, but there needs to be an important conversation had in order for this relationship to progress. Both of you could be disheartened by this but there's hope! Try to appreciate the little things in your relationship and not focus on being the "perfect couple", for that does not exist. Every relationship has its flaws and all that matters is that you and you partner love each other very much. If it's meant to be, it will be, it won't be something you have to force, it'll come naturally.

[elllisaaa]

how skz would confess to you

-> words count : about 4.5k words (sorry guys, I was taken away lol)

-> genre : skz members crushing on you

-> warnings : a lot of cutness

-> sorry if I made any mistakes, english is not my first language

-> reblogs and feedbacks are appreciated !

-> masterlist | skz masterlist

BANGCHAN - MEANINGFUL

first of all, I feel like chan would be the type to smile whenever you're around, and especially if you're talking to him

he would giggle all the time and laugh at every one of your jokes, event the worst ones

that being said, i can really picture him writing you a song to confess to you.

he knows that there is a great chance that you reject him, and that maybe he is wasting his time, but chan can't help it : you're his inspiration for everything lately, he can at least do it to thank you.

he would spend all his limited free time working on this song because he wants it to be perfect, to perfectly reflect how he sees you and how much he loves you for who you are. 

will ask changbin to listen to it and give him his opinion, to which he responded “if they don’t accept your confession with that, i will.” he got smacked. 

he forbbade you to come to the studio in fear that you would end up finding out about the song before he finished it, and you didn’t understood why but you did it anyway, thinking that perhaps he was too busy

so when he invited you over again, you came immediately, already prepared to spill the tea from these past weeks to him as soon as you stepped in. 

but before you could even finish saying hello to him, he made you sit down on his chair, and put his headphones on your ears. 

“please, listen to it until the end.”

you only nobbed, thinking that he maybe needed your opinion on a song he was working on. 

but as you listened to it, tears filled up your eyes, your heart melting when you heard the meaningful lyrics.

all this time, chan was watching you, waiting impatiently for your reaction, but not expecting you to jump on him to hug him tightly. 

“I suppose that you like it ?” he said, chuckling when you nobbed with your head nuzzled in his neck.

“I don't like it, I love it !” 

You finally met his eyes which were filled with adoration, smiling brightly and cupping his face to be as close to him as possible, as if what you wanted to say to him was a secret, just between the two of you.

“- And I love you Channie, I love you so much. And I’m not as talented as you with words, but I will remind you everyday how much you mean to me.”

Before he could say anything, your lips were on his and his arms circled your waist, closing the gap between your bodies. He rested his forehead against yours as soon as you needed to let go of his mouth to breathe, a big smile on his face, showing his dimples. 

“- I love you too.”

“you’re my muse.”

LEE MINHO - FLIRTY

he’s definitely gonna flirt with you so much, teasing you every chance he gets.

but as much as he likes bickering childishly with you, he knows when to stop or when he goes too far.

you didn’t think much of it, because it was minho : of course he would tease you, like he did with everyone else. 

the other members would always tell you that he was so much more gentle with you than with them, but you wouldn’t believe them

to you, minho was just very playful, there was nothing special in the way he treated you. 

he wouldn’t know if you’re just not interested, or if you really didn’t notice how differently he treated you

he was never pushing it too far, he let it slide every time you would tease him back, even if he had almost killed his members for doing the same things, just because it was you.

so to say he was a little desperate was an understatement, he was even starting to lose hope.

he would ask jisung if he thinks that you like him, ask for advice and then proceed to threaten the poor boy to not say anything about his soft spot for you to the other members.

it would take him courage, really. because even if he always try to look confident, he is shaking on the inside every time he is around you

every smile and laugh of yours makes his heart flutter so much its scares him at times

so he would tease you even when confessing.

i feel like he would be the type to describe the person he is interested in in front of you, smirking at himself when you don’t understand that he’s talking about you

“- Don’t act like you don’t need my company ! Your life would be so boring without me !

-  Actually… I kinda have a crush on someone.”

Minho smirks at seeing your visibly confused look, surely not expecting him to get suddenly so serious while you were joking around just seconds later. 

“- Oh… Really ?

- Yeah. They are beautiful, and smart. It’s like I have known them forever, I’m so comfortable around them. They are amazing, talented, they are putting so much effort into everything they do and honestly I have so much admiration for them I don’t think I deserve them.

- They seem… Really incredible. I hope you’ll be happy with them.”

You tried to smile but deep down, you were a little hurt. You had finally decided to believe what the other said, finally let yourself think that he was maybe sharing your feelings. And now this… But Minho’s chuckling made you come back to reality. 

“- I’m talking about you silly, it’s you that I love.”, he said, engulfing you in a warm hug. 

“- You… You really think all of that about me ?” you asked, nuzzling your head in his neck.

“- Of course. I know that I’m not the best at showing it, but don’t ever question what I feel for you.”

You raised your head from his neck, your eyes diving into his, seeing them sparkling with joy. 

“- Then don’t think I don’t deserve you. I love you too Minho.”

“how did i get so lucky ?”

SEO CHANGBIN - DIRECT

I think changbin would be very shy with you at first. 

he would be so impressed by your looks, thinking that you have an incredible charisma and personality. 

would stutter and stumble on his words everytime he would talk to you, thinking that he was looking like an idiot

but honestly, you were just finding that so cute, that he was so amazed by you that he was too shy to even look you in the eyes for more than two seconds.

plus you had seen how he was acting around other people, and he was acting much more confident, adding to your soft spot for him.

but as time passed and you grew closer to each other, he found himself being confident around you too

and you loved it, because it meant that he was now comfortable enough around you to be himself

and if you missed his shy self, all you had to do was flirt with him a little. 

he values your opinion so much : when he doesn’t know what to do, he is asking you for advice. 

honestly, it wouldn’t be long for him to realize that if you kept wanting to know him after he acted so ridiculous at first, it was for a reason. 

so for me, he would be very direct, simply coming one day, out of nowhere, and telling how much he loves you. 

“- Could you listen to that and tell me what you think about it please ?”

You simply nobbed and accepted the headphones he was handing you, waiting for him to play whatever he wanted your opinion about. You were actually honored every time he asked you for anything related to his work : after all, he was the one in the industry, knowing what he did, not you. But he always seemed so happy when you’d give him feedback, and you loved to hear everything that he did, so you didn’t mind. 

“- Honestly, it might become one of my favorite songs you made. I don't know how to describe it, but it just has this nostalgic vibe while being so meaningful. I adore it.”

You gave him his headphones back, smiling when you saw that he was already looking at you, so intensely you thought maybe you had something on your face. 

“- I’m in love with you.”

You freezed in your spot, unable to respond at what he just blurred out as it was the most natural thing ever. But then, you smiled again, shaking your head a little while you replaced his headphones on his head, not forgetting to place a soft kiss on his nose. 

“- I’m in love with you too, Binnie.”

“my heart’s beating like crazy.”

HWANG HYUNJIN - CLICHE

hyunjin is an hopeless romantic 

seriously he makes me all fluff on the inside just thinking about how sweet and caring he would be, even as a friend

always there to listen to every one of your worries or stories, always here when you have drama about people he don’t even know to tell 

he loves to cover you in gifts, not too obvious, but like paying for everything when you hang out together, or when you go shopping

100% boyfriend material

what he loves the most about you is that you’re also here for him exactly in the same way and it makes him all warm thinking that you always try to understand him and comfort him

so that being said he wants his confession to be literally perfect because you deserve nothing but the best (i’m single and crying in my bed)

he will plan everything : the place, the time, the day, the words he’s gonna say to you 

but at the same time, he would want it to be more authentic and spontaneous, more real. 

so he’s gonna settle for a place and improvise from here

it’s gonna be the most romantic thing ever, one from these silly movies, but because it’s hyunjin, it’s cute

he would bring you to a picnic at night and then a walk at a park where the flowers are just blossoming. 

“- Wait y/n.”

You turned back, meeting Hyunjin’s big smile as he approached you to put a flower matching the color of your outfits in your hair. He was looking at you with so much adoration in his eyes, it was impossible for anyone around to ignore how in love he was with you. 

“- It’s so pretty Hyun ! Thanks !”

You stood on your tippy toes to kiss him on the cheek, ready to go on with your walk when Hyunjin stopped you again by grabbing your wrist. His face was red, and he himself couldn’t tell if it was because of your kiss or what he was about to say. 

“- I have something important to tell you. Please, don’t interrupt me otherwise I think I will lose my courage forever.”

You chuckled, simply nobbing at his words, and clearly not ready for what was following. 

“- I have to say you are an incredible person, and it’s like you’re the missing piece of my puzzle. We complete each other so perfectly, you understand me so well that sometimes I wonder if you’re real or if I’m just dreaming. But when I open my eyes, you’re still here and I don’t want to let my chance go. I love you y/n, you’re the most important person in my life and you’ll make me the happiest man on this earth if you decided to give us a chance.”

Hyunjin would just have the time to finish his confession before you threw yourself at him, hugging him so tightly it was hurting. But what was more painful was your little sobs and the tears staining the fabric of his shirt as you cried on his shoulder.

“- Are you okay princess ?

- No… You don’t have the right to speak like that to me, it’s too beautiful, I’m gonna die from a heart attack… 

- Does this mean you’re willing to be my girlfriend ?

- Of course ! I would be a fool to say no after this ! And I love you too, I love you so much.”

Even if it was now late at night and the sun was hiding, Hyunjin’s smile was enough to illuminate your whole world.

“I can’t even express how happy I am.”

HAN JISUNG - ACCIDENTAL

he would be the type to be so awkward around you help

i think that he wouldn’t really be shy, rather lost because he don’t know how to act around you

because he wants to impress you but at the same time he doesn’t want you to notice his efforts and to think that he is doing too much

the consequence of that is that he’s really clumsy and always end up doing something weird to you it’s always cute

and while he thinks that he’s embarrassing himself, you just think about it with a smile on your face

please tell him that he’s pretty or every other compliment because he needs them and i can already imagine him blushing and he’s so cute omg 

moving on, that’s why i think he would accidentally confess to you

because let’s be honest, he consider you as way out of his league so he’ll never make a move intentionally

he’ll bottle up his feelings for you, saying that it’s better this way and that you don’t even like him back 

even if everyone can see how fond of him you are, nothing can make him change his mind. 

until this one time you came to him, so excited and happy

“- Ji ! You won’t believe me ! I’m top of the class ! I’m graduating being first of the class!”

Jisung looked at you for several seconds, stunned. He could absolutely believe what you had just said to him. You were the most hardworking person he knew, you put so much effort into your studies it was only natural that you were rewarded like this. His smile was eating his face when he took you in his arms, hugging you tightly and making you spin with him, both of you laughing. 

“- Y/n that’s fantastic ! You’re incredible really ! I was convinced that you would succeed ! You have worked so much for this, I’m so, so proud of you.”

You smiled brightly at him, tears starting to pool in your eyes at these compliments. Because he was your mental support for everything, and it was also thanks to him that you achieved this. 

“- Thank you… Thank you for everything you did for me this year and the past ones, you’re the best support I could ever ask for. And I know I’m not the easiest person to deal with when I’m stressed or overworked, and that happens too frequently, but you’re always here and that means the world to me.

- No, no, no ! You did all the work, I was just there to support you, and I did it because I wanted to. I did it because I love you, that's all.”

Before he could think about it, the three words he was holding in for so long slipped from his mouth so easily. Jisung immediately put a hand on his mouth, like it could help him go back in time. But you just smiled, moving his hand away gently and holding it as you talked.

“- Even if you think that, it’s very important for me because I love you too.”

“that’s the only time I’m glad that I didn’t thought before talking”

LEE FELIX - ROMANTIC

the sweetest human being on this earth really

he will do everything and anything for you, shower you with little gifts that means so much to you, comes running whenever you need him

always careful that you’re comfortable and that nobody bothers you

in conclusion he’s 100% husband material and it’s a fact

so be prepared to receive cute little texts from him throughout the day to make sure you have eaten, drank, took a break

he’s so caring i’m gonna cry i’m so single 

if you’re down, he’ll make you brownies with a note on the box saying all the things you need to hear at the moment 

so that’s why i think he would confess to you in an “indirect” way like that

we all know that he likes to share the songs he likes and listens to with us on the bubble right ?

and he will undoubtedly make a playlist filled with the most beautiful, heart fluttering love songs, and ones that made him think of you. 

he would send you the spotify link on a random thursday evening, under the name “my y/n”

As soon as you saw the title of the playlist, your eyes widened. What did he mean by “my” ? Your heart skipped a beat when you saw the first song of the playlist : it was one of your favorites, that you forced Felix to listen to a hundred times. And as you watched the titles of all the songs, tears filled your eyes. You didn’t know every one of them, but by the titles only, you understood everything. 

And Felix's heart was beating as fast as yours. He couldn’t stop checking his phone and the time since he sent the link. Almost two hours and you hadn’t responded yet. But his thoughts were interrupted by his phone ringing, your number displaying on the screen. His hands were shaking when he picked up the call, and he was sure that his voice was shaking too.

“- Hi sweetheart ! How you doing ?

- Lix… You can’t do that to me… 

- Are you crying ?”

The panic in his voice when he heard you sniffling made you chuckle as you were trying to stop the tears of joys spilling out of your eyes non-stop.

“- Yeah, because of you. You can’t do that to my weak heart, seriously. I don’t think I can express in words how much this playlist means to me. You spend hours collecting these songs just for me and because they made you think of me, and it’s like I’m seeing myself through your eyes. And honestly, it’s the best way you could have confessed, baby. I’m in love with you too. So in love.”

You heard sniffles at the other end of the call, and you both chuckled at this strange scene. You wouldn’t have imagined him confessing this way, but it was so meaningful, so gentle and full of admiration, you didn’t care that it wasn’t an usual one. Because to you, it was the most romantic thing someone ever did for you. 

“can i come over ? i really want to confess my feelings in person and maybe we can have a movie night for our first date ?”

KIM SEUNGMIN - GENUINE

to me, seungmin is someone who loves to have a routine, that certain things in his life are permanent and that it’s really important for him that everything is going like every other day.

for example, he always eat the same thing on saturday nights, or never goes sleeping before making sure that he closed every window

and he’s certainly very attached to these habits

but the thing is the members noticed that he started doing things out of his habits lately 

the reason ? you

yes, he liked to go straight home after a long day of practice but if you asked him to go out with you to eat for example he would go 

even when he’s super tired, he’ll do anything for you and mostly things that he would not do for the boys btw (they’re jealous)

and they know exactly why he goes out of his way for you even if he denies it

so it’s not exactly that he confess to you, it’s mostly that you noticed the things he does for you and not for anyone else

that day, you opened up to him about all the things that were stressing you out lately and you cried a lot obviously

but you were shocked when you noticed his eyes getting wet too

“- Seungmin are you alright ?”

Your worried tone and look made him turn his gaze away from yours, trying to hide his teary eyes. 

“- Yeah, yeah. I’m good. It’s you we're talking about, not me.”

He took a deep breath before looking at you again, visibly shaken but more composed than two seconds before. And you were stunned, because it was the first time ever that you saw him even close to tears. You knew that he hated to cry in front of people, he didn’t want to seem weak or anything. So why with you ? He was comfortable in your presence, you knew that, but that much. How was that possible ?

“- I don’t care about that. I want to know why you were going to cry even though I’ve never seen you do it in front of me since we know each other. And I want to know why you do all these other things for me even when you don’t want to or if it goes out of your habits.”

So you noticed ? Yeah, you noticed. You noticed that he was always taking up on him when you asked him to go shopping on weekends because he hated crowded places. You noticed he always ordered your favorite dishes at the restaurant, even if they weren’t his favorites. But he’d do it anyway because… Well, you didn’t know why and that was the problem. 

“- It’s not a big deal, really.

- Kim Seunmgin, stop lying to me. I know that you like your little habits. So why ?”

He avoided your eyes again, and you started to think that maybe you made him uncomfortable. You were about to say sorry when he took your cheeks in his hands, and soon enough, his lips were on yours. It’s only when he let you go that you fully realized what happened, eyes wide open. 

“- I’m not good with words but I hope you understood how much I like you. I was about to cry because, well, I don’t like to hear that you're suffering and that I’m not here to make you feel better. I want to be by your side all the time, but not only as your friend.”

At this point, words weren’t needed anymore. You just threw yourself onto his arms, making Seungmin laugh when you muttered up an ‘i like you too’. 

“I hope that you understand I’ll continue to do these things for you, because all I want is to make you happy.”

YANG JEONGIN - PURE

he’s such a sweetheart I swear

he’s always there for you, like call him to tell him you need hugs and he’ll be at your door in five minutes, with snacks and ice cream in addition

usually, he just listen to you because he likes your voice so much, and also because he’s not really good at expressing his feelings

even if you’re close, he rarely talks about his emotions, only telling you what is happening without describing how he feels

and sometimes, it makes you a little sad because does that mean he’s not comfortable enough around you ?

but in reality, he just doesn’t know how to say it, how to express it for you to understand

so since he has a hard time expressing them, i think he would confess his feelings through a letter 

and it’s the most sincere, thoughtful, meaningful and beautiful letter ever

“- What’s that ?”

You reached down to grab the envelope that was on the floor, just behind your door. There was just your name written on it, just another thing that made you question who slid it under your door. It was evidently someone who knew where you lived, and you hoped it was one of your friends and not some sort of stalker. You took off your shoes and coat before heading to your kitchen, sitting down on a chair to open the envelope. Inside, there was only one sheet of paper, covered in a neat handwriting. 

“Y/n,

I know I’m not the best at expressing my feelings : I’m not as talented as you when it comes to talking about it out loud. But I think I’m pretty good when it comes to writing, so I hope you’ll understand everything I have in mind through this letter.

Firstly, I have to let you know how much you mean to me. You’re the most important person in my life. From the way you always seem to know exactly what I need even when I don’t say a word about it, to the way you’re so caring and always remember every little detail that I tell you about. It’s like I was meant to be by your side.

Secondly, and even if I think that words can’t express how incredible I think you are, I have to tell you anyway. Because I truly think you are amazing. You’re always fighting for what you think, you’re determined and brave. You’re standing for yourself and for others too because you have the biggest heart ever. And I think that’s what I love the most about you : the fact that even if you can seem cold or mean at first sight, you’re truly so kind hearted and gentle, always willing to help other people. 

And finally, let me tell you how much I love you. For all the reasons that I listed previously and for a thousand more, I fell in love with you. I love you so much that sometimes it scares me. That’s also why I wrote you this letter. Partially because I’m a coward and couldn’t tell you about it in person, but also because it’s easier this way, easier to handle if you reject me.

No matter what your answer will be, I’ll always be there for you. I love you. 

Jeongin.”

You immediately took your phone, and called Jeongin before taking the time to think about it. You didn’t need time, you needed to finally hear him say those three words from his mouth.

“- Y/n ? Are you alright ? Why are you calling me this late ?

- Say it.

- Say what ?

- Say you love me.

- I… I love you. I really love you.”

His voice was shaking, and you couldn’t help but smile at how nervous he was. And you were also happy to finally hear me opening up about his feelings. 

“- Thank you for the letter, it’s the first time I received one and honestly I will cherish it for the rest of my life. I love you too, Jeongin.”

“from now on, expect me to give you a letter whenever you want.”

-> i don't allow any copies, reposts or translations of my works.

[qoldenskies]

April spending the night holding CC Donnie and rationalizing why her mom was wrong, it couldn’t have been the boys. Not her boys, and especially never to her boy.

HEY. YOU. JUST COMING IN SWINGING WITH THAT ONE HUH

BUT UGHHHH YEAH SHE DEFINITELY DIDN'T SLEEP. her confusion and fear was so obvious especially with how manic she was the morning after, her desperation to be comforting despite wanting to bombard him with questions. and yet she didn't have the courage to ask the other three, because if there was a slim chance that she was right.... she couldn't fathom it. ive always thought she sent one message to them that morning, and it was a lie that she didn't know donnie was there after he ran. anything to keep them away from him a little longer-- not knowing that saying that might have actually lead him into the jaws of death faster.

and she spent days after looking for him. she probably even skipped school in her desperation. her going to the lair was a last resort. she didn't expect him to be there, she just needed to get a little bit of the hurt out. to take it out on the people she knew at that point were responsible, as much as it hurt. she spent those days looking for him in the rain overthinking everything, overcome with numb horror at the realization of what she'd fed into. she came to a lot of conclusions that she hated to see proven right.

it was skipped over in miner's eulogy but i cant help but wonder what it must have felt like when she first saw donnie curled up in that cot. she forces herself to be so strong after because they all have it way worse (even if she is angry at them, of course she is, she still feels hurt and used and betrayed) but that sight had to have broken something a little bit. maybe she would have been able to do something if she didn't spend so long making justifications for them. maybe if she'd just known him a little bit better she would have been able to make true on her vow to protect him.

it was simultaneously reassuring to learn about the curse and the most horrifying thing she'd ever heard, especially since she learns after that they didn't tell her everything, only the things they could say out loud without hyperventilating or throwing up.

[aurumacadicus]

Pride Pockets 17--I Need A Dog's Life

Kink belongs at Pride. I will not be arguing a fact.

Anyway don't think about the fact that Tony can and has played as a pup alone because it will make you sad. As always I choose to cause psychic damage to Bucky whenever possible. No actual sex but lemon just to be safe. You can also find this fic on ao3 (here.) Look out for under the cut!

--

Bucky turned the mask he’d found over in his hands slowly, taking in the details with a sharp, careful eye. It felt rubbery in his hands, but the inside was buttery soft. Seemed breathable, too, as he ran his thumbs under the eye holes. It was shaped like a dog’s head, with a muzzle and ears. There was a black rubber nose and a tongue hanging out of its open mouth. He turned it over in his hands again. The ears attached to it were longer than he expected, ending in scalloped edges, and covered with curly white fur from the scalloped edge up to the top of what he now recognized as a hood.

The hood’s base under the fur was pink. Somehow, while Tony had been explaining everything, he had never mentioned that when he pretended to be a dog, he liked to pretend he was a little pink poodle. He bit back the urge to smile fondly. Tony might run the tapes back later and think he was laughing at him, and it would break the tentative trust between them. He didn’t want to chance Tony even maybe thinking that, especially when it had obviously taken a lot of courage to tell him about it to begin with.

He set the hood on his lap and turned to aim his attention toward the unobtrusive trunk Tony had left out for him to look through, reaching in with careful fingers. There was a bolt of furry fabric, he thought, but then he held it up and realized it was a vest with white faux fur on the outside, curly like a poodle’s hair, just like the ears on the hood. His fingers lingered on it as he shifted where he sat, considering the texture of it, but finally, he picked it up and moved it aside. There was a set of… mitts? Boxing gloves? Bucky reached out for one to look it over. From what he could see, it looked like Tony would put his hands in the mitts and cinch them closed so he could have paws. That was… neat.

Before he could explore further, Bucky sensed eyes on him. He took a moment to wonder if he should pretend that he hadn’t noticed and keep exploring the trunk, but then he decided it was more important for Tony to feel heard, that he would know that Bucky would check in just to make sure everything was still alright. He laid his arm on the trunk and turned to look back toward the closet door, heart breaking a little when he saw Tony peeking in at him, looking bored, even though Bucky knew in his gut that he was terrified.

“So,” Tony said, casually crossing his arms and leaning against the doorway. He cleared his throat, eyes landing on the trunk instead of meeting Bucky’s gaze. “Anything looking like a deal breaker yet?”

Bucky took a deep breath, then let it out slowly, trying to center himself. “Honey, I don’t know how to tell you this, but you pretending that you’re a dog is one of the least weird things about you. You once ate an entire sushi boat by yourself and then looked at me and said, and I quote, ‘I think I hate sushi.’”

“Anyone would say that after eating fifty pieces of sushi,” Tony barked defensively. “And you could have helped me, coward.”

“And you think this cute mask is going to make me leave you compared to what you just said?” Bucky scoffed, looking down at the mask again. His finger trailed over the hood’s nose. “This is adorable. I bet you’re a cute dog.”

Tony said nothing for a moment, staring at him, as if he was looking for even a hint of a lie in his face. Bucky didn’t let any hesitation or confusion show in response. He’d had a lot of practice early in their relationship, when Tony had been waiting for the other shoe to drop. This was too important for any misunderstandings. Yeah, it was technically pretty weird, but not in a way that put Bucky off—just in a way that made him want to understand more.

“…I’m always cute,” Tony finally said, and Bucky would allow himself a relieved fist pump later. He shifted on his feet, then finally took a step closer, bending at the waist to peer into the trunk. “Anything in there that you don’t understand?”

“Everything’s pretty straightforward, I think,” Bucky said, leaning over to look in as well. “It’s really only the mechanics I think I have questions about, but, you know, I’m a quick study.”

“Yeah,” Tony agreed, finally dropping to his knees beside the trunk so he could paw inside, examining the contents as if he hadn’t been the one who put them there. “Worst case scenario, I just play by myself. I’ve done it before, so it’s no big deal.”

Bucky didn’t do him the disservice of insisting he could play with him despite his reservations. Tony had only explained the barest bones of what he liked to do, and that was just… dress up like a dog. Which, he decided, staring at the furry vest and the paw mitts, was probably a healthier outlet for him than overworking or drinking, things he’d used to do in his youth. “Why is your mask pink?” he asked as Tony finally pulled out a harness with a tail on it.

Tony lifted his head to blink up at him placidly. “Oh. Because I like being a bitch in heat sometimes, and it helps remind handlers to call me a good girl,” he answered, and Bucky choked on a gasp and started coughing. Luckily, he saw fit to ignore Bucky’s surprise to continue, “It’s been a while since I’ve done that, though. It’s no fun pretending to be in heat if there isn’t a stud around to do something about it—”

“I can be a stud,” Bucky croaked. He wasn’t quite sure what that might entail, but if his minor understanding of dog breeding was accurate, he could extrapolate.

Tony lifted his head to give him a slow, disbelieving blink, hands still buried in the trunk. “…Are you just offering that because you like having sex with me? Or are you trying to do something for me?”

Bucky instinctively balked at the question, but then he took a moment to regroup, before he said something that might hurt both of them. He considered the question instead of jumping to defend himself. Was he only asking because he liked having sex with Tony? He was offering up something a lot more intimate than he had before. Sex was good, but this was a kink Tony had, and it had taken him quite a lot of courage to admit it. He didn’t want Tony to think he wasn’t taking him seriously.

He tried to imagine Tony in the hood he was still holding, the vest with its immaculate curls and the mitts with pink paw prints on the underside. Tony barking and crawling around on all fours like a dog. He tried to imagine himself doing the same thing. He pushed past the instinctive ‘that’s weird’ and ‘I could never,’ because he never would have expected Tony to be able to do it either, and he apparently enjoyed it enough that he was willing to do it by himself, even if his partner couldn’t see the appeal.

It might be nice, to be able to clear his head and just… be someone else. Something else. Not Bucky Barnes, recovering assassin and prisoner-of-war. Sometimes he still felt the need to run away, or got stuck in his head. The idea that he could escape all that, if only for a moment, to be someone who just focused on the next bowl of food or next belly rub… Something that got to pad around the house, and make noise, and sleep whenever he wanted, to take up space and…know he was taken care of. It didn’t sound terrible. At all.

Bucky cleared his throat, then haltingly answered, “I like having sex with you. But. I think. I mean, it wouldn’t hurt to try. I don’t… need all the fancy stuff. Just the hood and the. Tail probably.” He looked back down at the hood in his hands, thumbs stroking over its cheeks. “I want to make you happy. And. Sex is… normal. Not normal—comforting? Something I know how to do. I could probably figure it out as a… a dog. I mean, it’ll probably actually be easier that way, won’t it? Pure, uh, animalistic need.” He sucked in a deep breath carefully, then looked back up at Tony. “So I guess. I’m asking you for both reasons.”

Tony stared at him for a long time, eyes lingering on the hood Bucky was still gently stroking his thumbs over before drawing them back up to meet Bucky’s. “I don’t think you’d make a particularly convincing poodle. Poodles are smart.”

Bucky blinked, mouth dropping open in shock. When it registered that Tony had dropped a joke on him, he couldn’t help a bark of laughter. “Hey!” Tony offered a shy smile, and Bucky took that as a sign that the eggshells he’d been carefully stepping over had been swept away. “I can be a different dog. Crossbreeds are popular these days, aren’t they?”

Tony hummed thoughtfully, leaning back on his hands. “Hm. I’ve won awards. My owner would probably only want to breed more poodles than waste a pregnancy on mutts.”

Bucky felt his face twist into a filthy leer, but he couldn’t stop it if his life depended on it. He leaned in toward him, licking his lips as Tony slanted him a coy look from under his lashes. “Tony. Are you by chance referencing my fantasy where this ol’ Brooklyn boy seduces and ruins a Manhattan socialite?” Tony tipped his head, not answering, but his eyes glanced back at the hood in Bucky’s lap. It clicked for him then exactly what Tony was trying to do—to make it something he could get off on doing, too. He raised an eyebrow. “I’ve seen this movie. Natasha bullied me into watching it with her as part of my ‘reintroduction.’ I’m not sure how I feel about making a Lady and the Tramp sequel.”

“They already made one, and I’m still mad you guys covered the fifties and sixties while I was out of town,” Tony retorted, scowling. “I wanted to watch The Sword in the Stone with you guys. I had a lot of opinions!”

“You own several versions of Arthurian legend. I gleaned your opinions,” Bucky said, but Tony was already extolling the virtues of each iteration of the Arthurian legend, up to and including children’s books, and he knew the puppy play thing was going to be tabled for a while.

.-.

To Bucky’s mortification, as he was mulling everything over later, the idea of entwining his fantasy into something with dogs… didn’t necessarily seem weird, or even particularly difficult. Tony had indulged him in his fantasy several times, and tweaking it here and there so he was a dog horny jerk sullying Tony’s reputation was… doing something for him. Mounting Tony with the looming threat of an angry owner sent a thrill through him, especially as he compared it to his fantasies where he was snatching a sought-after beau out from the claws of other wealthy socialites who his parents had actually wanted to match him with.

He found himself checking out websites for different styles of hoods. Something… tougher. As tough as a mask could be, anyway. He couldn’t help but wonder what Tony would like. He wanted it to be good for him. It had taken a lot for him to admit that he partook in puppy play, and Bucky had noticed that Tony had held himself tight, as if he was getting ready to run, or… preparing for a blow. He tried not to think about Tony’s issues too much, but it was fucking hard sometimes. It made him work harder to make him happy. But every surprised smile that Tony gave him was worth it.

Bucky finally decided on a brown hood with pointed ears. It was less cutesy than Tony’s poodle one, and it appeared to have a wider mouth, which he wanted so that he was less likely to be triggered by the memory of the muzzle he’d had to wear under Hydra. He sent the link over to Tony with a simple question mark. He didn’t really know what else to say, after all. He wasn’t as invested in this as much as Tony was, so he’d go with his preferences.

Have you ever considered wearing a knotted sheath on your dick? was the only response he got back, and Bucky sat back in his seat to stare at the wall and wonder if he would ever know everything about this time—or, barring that, everything about Tony.

.-.

Luckily, Tony was okay with him foregoing the sheath thing. “It was a bit much to expect when you’ve never played before, anyway,” Tony had said, packing it away, but luckily, he hadn’t looked mad or even upset about it.

Bucky looked at himself in the mirror and sighed. The hood was a little claustrophobic, but the discomfort was negligible. He’d also decided on a black tank-top to cover his torso, because he’d been feeling the fur on Tony’s vest, and it felt kind of itchy after prolonged experience with it. Tony had offered to buy a different vest, but Bucky saw no point when a fix as simple as a shirt was on the table. Maybe, if they decided they wanted to continue with this, he could; until then, there was no point shelling out for something only to use it once when Tony already liked what he had.

Bucky had put on his leather riding gloves instead of committing to a full paw, and he flexed a hand carefully just to check and see if Tony liked it as much as he usually did. To his gratification, Tony’s eyes slanted over from where he was fixing his vest. He flexed his hand again, until the leather creaked under the strain, and Tony began leaning toward him.

Then he blinked, as if stunned, and reached out to smack the back of his hand into Bucky’s shoulder. “Cut that out.”

“Fine,” Bucky huffed, amused, and lifted both his hands to catch the mitt Tony threw at him in response, apparently unimpressed by how sorry he wasn’t. He loosened the laces so that Tony could easily shove his hand in. “You’re sure you’re okay with me just wearing the hood and tail?”

“Every new pup’s gotta start somewhere,” Tony answered reasonably, twisting his hand back and forth. “I like the laces tied in a bow.”

Bucky shook his head a little, smiling. “Of course.”

Tony waited until Bucky gave his ‘paw’ a little pat, then shoved the other mitt at him. “I didn’t see any knee pads when I was looking through your stuff, so I bought you some.”

“Thanks,” Bucky answered, focusing on tightening the laces on his other mitt. Then what Tony said registered, and he blinked once, twice, before finally looking up at Tony’s face. “Huh?”

“…I only have a couple rugs in the penthouse?” Tony explained slowly, raising an eyebrow at him. “Bucky, I know you heal quickly, but even your knees will be fucking killing you after an hour on my wood floors.”

“Bold of you to assume I’m only gonna mount you for an hour,” Bucky retorted immediately. Then he actually thought about how it would feel for his knees to be on Tony’s wood floors for an hour and winced.

“You’re such a fucking dumb ass,” Tony sighed, but he looked endlessly fond instead of annoyed. He shook his head with a slight roll of his eyes, then nodded down his body.

Bucky obediently looked down, eyes skipping over the furry vest. They lingered on his dick for a moment, but then got distracted by the leather straps of the harness holding Tony’s tail up. Tony looked good in leather. He should bring that up later. Get him some other harnesses, maybe.

“Further down, Casanova,” Tony ordered, but he couldn’t quite keep the amusement out of his voice.

Bucky blinked, trying to remember he was looking for a reason beyond ‘yes, Tony is attractive, and I get to look.’ He dropped his eyes further, trying to see what Tony wanted him to. And there, wrapped around Tony’s knees, were a pair of lightly scuffed, white knee pads. “Oh.” He looked up at Tony with a huff of affront. “Those weren’t in the trunk.”

“They need to be cleaned more often, so I just do them all at once,” Tony answered with a shrug. “You know I have like. Three pairs in the workshop, too. So doing them all together is just easier.”

Bucky blinked again. “I did not know you had three pairs of knee pads in the workshop.”

Tony stared at him for a moment, mouth dropping open. Nothing came out for several seconds, though, and that was all the warning Bucky got before Tony turned and grabbed up a spare shirt between his gloves. Then he started thwapping him with it with more force than he would have thought possible with his hands stuck in his paw mitts. “Of course I have knee pads for the workshop, you idiot! You’re lucky my knees even fucking work after I crawl out from under a car! My knees have been in use longer than you’ve been fucking awake!”

“Okay,” Bucky answered, hands flying up to block the fabric’s dull ‘thwap’s. “Okay! I get it.”

Tony smacked him one last time, just for good measure, scowling. “I should take back the pair I bought for you.”

“You should,” Bucky agreed, rubbing a hand over his face. “I’m sorry that I forget your joints are old. Is that what you want to hear?”

“…You could grovel a bit,” Tony decided, allowing Bucky to take the shirt from between his mitts.

Bucky hooked his hand behind Tony’s neck and dragged him in, pressing his lips into his throat through the hood’s mouth so he could feel his pulse kick up rabbit-fast against them. “What if I rub your feet when we’re done instead? I don’t really want to grovel in a dog get-up.”

Tony hummed, reluctantly pulling himself away so he could give Bucky a long once-over. “It would be weird,” he agreed petulantly. “Even for me. But! I want a half an hour on each foot.”

“Sure,” Bucky replied, amused. He took a moment to stretch his shoulders, first one side and then the other, just to watch the way Tony’s eyes lingered on them, before he reached out to grab the knee pads that Tony had kindly purchased for him. “Well. I suppose I’ll meet you out in the living room.”

Tony gave him a long, slow blink, then nodded in agreement, turning to leave the closet so he could go… prepare? Bucky still wasn’t really sure he understood what Tony meant about getting into ‘the right head space.’ “Don’t forget to test the knee pads out to make sure they’re on right,” he added over his shoulder. “It sucks when you’re halfway through a fuck and you realize your knee pad’s coming off and your knee is starting to hurt.”

“Huh!?” Bucky barked after him, because it sounded like Tony was speaking from experience and as it turned out, he really wanted to know what that experience was, but Tony swanned out without another word before he could corner him about it.

[nesscel]

hi nesscel, I have a question about your oc! ^_^

has ever Cyril met/interacted with Ness after getting hired into the bllk project? if he did, how was it, and how did he react to seeing him for the first time irl?

I hope the question is not too boring to answer, btw!! I was interested in knowing about the way he perceives Ness now that he has the chance to be closer to him :)

(I saw on ur post that he has his sign, how cute🥲)

they have met! there’s a few scenarios i usually imagine for them that i’ll put under read more ^_^ to make a long story short it’s like this:

for additional context: Cyril and @kaiserposting’s Tsubasa share in the same universe :) so Ness is double crashing out. Why would Lord Kaiser leave me for disgusting bug Isagi and manipulative pest Tsubasa 😡😡😡

and before anime-ntality’s sensors activate and he makes another post about hating women and yumes ruining canon: we changed some details about how project blue lock works so our characters can be there without needing to replace any of the already existing ones and so they can make more money

their first interactions were at various fansigns and on social media, Ness retweeted a picture of the Ness shrine at one point and Cyril got another picture of it signed at the next fansign… just to let Ness know who his biggest dickrider fan was. you get it. so at this point he’s obviously in love and everything is great and even though Ness has to do fanservice and be nice to everyone he’s sweet and beautiful and kind and he’s only saying those things to him ^_^🩷❤️‍🩹

i wanna dump some more backstory. he’s not an “official” bllk staff member and his first job wasn’t even related to managing the program, he was looking for photographer gigs and they hired him to take photos of all the players that they’d sell as signed prints later (let’s be real, he only got hired because he cost less than professional photographers). he offhandedly mentioned that he needed to get a job to Anri who heard “CHEAP LABOR ALERT”, so if anyone asks he’s “from the social program for people with disabilities”. so he basically just does whatever task Anri gives him, like moving crates of water and gatorade or sorting everyone’s medication into little psych ward cups or going to the store because Ego is a little hungover and wants chicken soup and electrolytes. if a beautiful woman told you to do some bullshit then praised you for doing such a good job and handed you some money once in a while you’d do it too.

anyway, this may be wishful thinking but i think Ness would find the concept of someone being that into him a little alluring… especially if Kaiser and him were having marital spats. it feels good af for a bpd to have a groupie. Cyril felt sort of weird seeking out interaction from someone he had a parasocial relationship with, but he was put in a lot of situations where it wasn’t that awkward because Tsubasa and him became basically instant besties, and if Tsubasa is somewhere then Kaiser and Ness are too, so they had a chance to actually get to know each other outside of the idol/fan or work dynamic. Cyril was a bit surprised that Ness was, for a lack of a better term, a weird crybaby theater kid, but they’re both weird freaks who want to have a good day no matter what so he was still like #NeedThat and pined over him and acted tsundere if anyone even mentioned Ness and sighed wistfully watching him from across the field (he’s on the field to take pics of everyone training. BLTV is getting a twitter!)

since i love negativity and suffering sometimes i imagine Cyril actually getting the courage to tell Ness that he likes him and Ness saying that he’s flattered/he likes him too but if he was in a relationship he’d be violating his loyalty to Kaiser and Kaiser is the most important person to him. so all Cyril can do is watch Ness pine after Kaiser and spend his every waking moment with Kaiser and cry over Kaiser and be sad and limerent. YAY!

and then there’s the other scenario where they actually start d*ting… WOJFIDKFODNTRKKFNSSI-8;!:@83);&/6;£[!,*😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮 <- this is what being in love feels like.

cyril is a real lover which is why he asks REAL questions like this ^

(ness would ask people if theyd love him if he was a worm though -_- and he’d be super serious about it 🪱)

[romancemedia]

Nina and Sett's Relationship Recap

Warning this contains spoilers from the manga!

In the beginning, Sett was a dangerous prince with no love in his heart. He toyed with Nina when she first arrived, refusing to accept her as his bride until he became impressed with her determination and bravery despite all the horrible things he did when they first met. Sett began challenging Nina, gradually becoming closer to her when she showed him what love and happiness really is until finally accepting the fact he's falling in love with her.

Nina's own feelings for Sett also began to change as well. Although she was appalled by Sett's cruel behavior and was still in love with Az, Nina began to see there was more to Sett. Without realizing it, Nina started developing feelings for Sett herself. She came to truly care and love him, especially after they made a breakthrough after learning of his tragic past. Although her feelings were also a mixed of sympathy, they began to grow and evolve the closer Nina and Sett became and the longer Nina and Az were apart.

When Az made his surprise appearance in Galgada, Sett became jealous when he realized he had competition for Nina's affections. A lot of events happen from a vicious bloody competition, Sett being poisoned and Nina sent to a deadly prison with Az and Sett setting out to save her. Sett also realizes Nina is not a real princess, but regardless he stills want her, but is enraged when he realizes she is in love with Az and her main motivation of becoming his bride.

At this stage in the story, Nina became conflicted, realizing she cannot choose between Az and Sett as they've both become important to her. Although she loves Az, Nina can't bring herself to part with Sett because she knows how much he needs her after he's finally started experiencing real love. Finally Sett arrives at the prison and is determined to attack Nina at all costs no matter who is in his way.

Nina realizes how she hurt Sett and tries to make things right. She is ready to accept whatever punishment from him until she decides to use her words to get through to him. She confesses he is special to her and won't stop until he believes her. Sett is conflicted with himself, apart of him wants to hurt Nina, the other doesn't. All the past trauma is rushing back to him, but just when he finally has a chance, he can't bring himself to kill Nina and instead attempts suicide when a bridge collapses.

Nina saves Sett's life with her powers, but she is injured due to over-exerting herself and passes out. When everything is finally over and the dust starts to settle, Nina and Azure will be returning to Fortna at last, but Sett is basically catatonic and Nina refuses to leave him behind. It's decided Sett will be going to Fortna with them. The reason why Sett has become a vegetable is because he has closed off his heart cause he doesn't want to hurt Nina. Although Sett remains silent, he and Nina remain close with Nina taking care of him and they still find comfort with one another.

Shortly after their return to Fortna, Nina is exposed as a fake princess and is banished, but gets the chance to say goodbye to Sett. She sneaks into his room at night while he's asleep, explaining the truth about her powers and apologizing for failing to bring him happiness. However, Nina is unaware that Sett heard everything, but was unable to move due to the sleeping incense. Sett finally finds the courage to break out of his catatonic state and goes off in search to find Nina, reuniting with her 3 months later.

Ever since her banishment and Az breaking her heart, Nina has lost all hope, stayed away from people and was ready to commit suicide until Sett found her. Sett vows to stay by Nina's side, promising to grant Nina her wishes before her powers can, thereby officially reassuring Nina of his feelings for her. Nina is touched by Sett's words and they begin a journey to find a way to control her star powers.

Nina and Sett's relationship grows stronger and closer during their travels together. With Sett by her side, Nina manages to overcome her depression with Sett also continuing to express his love, but not forcefully and is willing to wait until Nina finally forgets about Az. Nina is well aware of how Sett feels about her, but she struggles with accepting his feelings and moving on after Az broke her heart.

By chapter 55, Sett has to leave Nina for a while to return to Galgada to calm the citizens about the growing war with Fortna. In the same chapter, Nina finally confesses her love to Sett. The manga is currently at Chapter 60 and there has been no new developments since.

[express-archives]

As someone who’s in the persona series, Justice does somewhat fit Chantily

Btw for your OC asks, Meet Strange, Exit, and Future for Chantily please :3

- 🐱 Anon

(oc asks! drop a question—or multiple—into my inbox and i'll give my best answer.)

OHHHH HI 🐱 ANON HELLO!!!!! i'm glad you think so <3 definitely get justice kinda vibes from them tbh.

Meet Strange: What's the most memorable way your OC has ever met a new person? Was it a good experience? Bad experience? Just plain weird? How's their relationship with that person now?

okay, hear me out: strangest way chantilly ever met somebody was meeting gingerbrave. i like to think that, prior to heading towards what once was the vanilla kingdom, custard cookie iii insisted that they just had to bring his older cousin with him—they know all kinds of stuff about the magic used in the vanilla kingdom (and he lowkey misses his most loyal retainer on all of earthbread... he hasn't seen them in a while 🥺)! so, they relent to the younger one's whims and head off to where chantilly lives, which is conveniently just outside the expanse of the vanilla kingdom's territory in a small grove with lots of cookies, biological relatives and otherwise but all descendants of survivors of that night in the kingdom. and as the group approaches, custard cookie iii warns that he remembers this place uses magic as protection of sorts! there might be traps! and gingerbrave, not a minute later, gets tangled up in one, suspended in the air by magic that's pretty much intangible to him. and through the disorientation, he can vaguely make out a frantic "ah, by the witches! i'm so sorry, hang on—" before being gently lowered to the floor.

overall a good experience, but chantilly apologized ceaselessly for... nothing? it wasn't their fault and the arcane traps around their home did the job they were supposed to do, but chantilly still felt a little bad. the two of them are super close friends now! gingerbrave's courage has had a drastic impact on chantilly's overall attitude, and they've taken on that trait as best as they can manage to.

Exit: Has your OC ever had someone important leave their life in a way that was unremarkable, unintentional, or clumsy? How do they feel about it? Is there any chance they'll meet again?

hmm... perhaps their mother. while she hasn't technically left their life, she did detach from it heavily, and the manner in which she did it was so phenomenally unremarkable that chantilly barely noticed until a wave of longing as heavy as bricks hit them one day when they realized they haven't spoken to her or heard from her, for that matter, in months.

chantilly is absolutely torn to pieces about it, to say the least, because they think it's their fault. they think they drove her away, or somehow made her afraid due to the power they held but did not know how to wield.

(this is, however, not the case; chantilly's mother distanced herself from her child because she is the one who made them that way. she is the one who imbued them with so much power. and she is the one who lies awake at night, sobbing, wishing she hadn't sought out the ancient powers she did to give to her child. it was stupid and naive and she hates herself for it. she ruined a life because she was scared. scared! witches, she can't possibly imagine how scared chantilly is.

she knows not how anyone could ever forgive her. pure vanilla does, but it only makes her guilt so much worse.)

however, there isn't just "a chance" that they'll meet again. pv and chantilly are returning to crispia after the events of chapter 8, and pv wants to meet chantilly's mother for himself.

chantilly has proclaimed him their father now, and he needs to make sure he isn't overstepping any boundaries before he accepts that.

Future: Is there anyone your OC is looking forward to meeting or to seeing again? Who? What might that meeting or reunion look like?

their mother! they are very much looking forward to getting to see her again, but they're also... well, they're also terrified. it's been a long time since the two of them have been close—chantilly thinks the last time they and their mother could have been considered "close" was when they were tiny—so that's not really what makes them nervous.

in this case, they are scared of finding out the truth. they've been afraid of it before, but this is so so so much different.

all i will say for now is that the reunion is sad and doesn't end happily, but instead ends hopefully and gives chantilly a sense of closure that they did not know they were wishing for. it warrants its own post HAHAHA

[confessiionario]

"as the image of myself becomes sharper in my mind, the less afraid i am that someone will erase me by denying me love."

this sentence has stuck with me ever since i heard it on one of my favourite podcasts ever, "wild geese" with anna corinne. i keep on listening to her episodes on a loop, to wake up and start the day, to drift away into sleep (she has an amazing voice for that), to keep me company while i work, etc... always there, and i've actually been able to share a word directly with anna herself, and i can say for sure that she is one of the most interesting human beings i came accros in the latest years. it's really difficult to find people that i deeply, truly identify myself with—but this one was a match made in heaven. she is organising my mind, like a second brain, and giving names to ideas and thoughts i've been having lately. i've thanked her personally, which is an honour, and i'm basically recommending it to everyone, so here's another strong recommendation to hit pause on whatever you're listening to and just allow yourself to experience a deep dive on a super intricate and complex mind. it's so good to finally feel like i'm finding the true meaning of self-love, self-confidence, self-acceptance. i'm filling in the inner needs i was denying, the need to create, the need to express myself, the need to speak and write, the need to show up, the need to talk about my life, the need to share my daily thoughts, the need to engage with the community, to stay in touch with friends and family, to be active online and connect with the world again, being courageous enough to share my creations, my words, my art, my work, the way i see the world. i'm torn between feeling like i'm so many things and nothing at once, i'm constantly floating from feeling to feeling, constantly living on the edge of existence, on the edge of life. but i'm finally appreciating the run, the fact that i'm alive, my voice and my means and resources. i can only be who i am, i can only do what i'm capable of, i can dream with no limits and i have the duty, the compromise to myself, to make my dreams and ambitions come true. i'm not looking for big things, for fame, for recognition... i'm only looking to exist, my way, to validate my place in the world, and to finally share who i am and everything i've been keeping private. (and i will still keep a lot of things private, as everyone should. it's goo to evaluate and balance, always good...) anyway, i'm rambling at this point, i think you get the idea—already from the very beginning, because the quote is very self-explanatory... but i wanted to give my take and share my point of view and personal situation. i don't feel seen here, which can be good in a way, but what really matters is that this capsule of information exists somewhere, for someone, even if only me. it's always good to have reminders here and there, although life and the universe are veeery good at giving you all the hints you need and driving your way. just take your time, make your own melody, your own rhythm, dance through life, and more than anything learn to accept yourself (as you are and as you change). knowing what your essence is is the first step to acceptance, and knowing what your energy is like and what it demands to stay healthy is crucial to choose where you want to go. destiny plays a roll, of course—at least, i believe it in my heart and soul—but you also have to be able to see the chances and play with them, enjoy them, make the most of them. make the most of life and of being alive, that's the motto i guess. it's easy and difficult at the same time, i honestly think the trick is abstraction. i will say more on the 'abstraction' thing one of these days, it's a really interesting and complete concept, something i've been developing lately. i have a bunch of scattered notes that could all eventually turn into one of there blog posts... hope all of them will see the light of day (or of the moon... i normally write in the night/dawn) eventually.

thank you for listening, thank you for seeing me, whoever you are—hello, dear me. dear life. dear world. "ooh baby baby, it's a wild world" oh yes it is ma'am -- Solarpunk Guidance 10 Mar, 2025 · 04:20H ahahahahah... blaze it

[imagine-knb]

UK+Kagami+Himuro+Nijimura chatting with their crush who eventually led to their crush saying they used to like them but don't worry! They're over it now so please don't be awkward about it!

Fun fact: when I was in the 5th grade, I was discussing crushes with my male best friend at the time and I mentioned to him that I used to have a crush on him a few years ago. He then confessed the same to me. We never did anything with it because we were too young at the time (imo) and I was head over heels for his bestie, soooo. That was today's episode of Admin Neon talks about herself too much. Admin Neon

Sitting on the park bench, he was acutely aware of how close you were seated next to him. With thighs practically touching, all he would need to do is shift ever so slightly for there to be contact. He stayed still however, not wanting to push the affection he held for you, still hidden from your knowledge. He’d promised himself today would be the day. Today, he would confess. But you’d beaten him to it.

Sort of.

“You know, I used to have a crush on you.” The comment was offhanded, like an afterthought that had been lingering. He picked up on the phrase used to; it made his stomach feel sour. “But you don’t have to worry about that ruining anything. I’m over it already.” You turn to smile at him and he can’t help the way it grips at his heartstrings. “You’re like, my best friend now.”

Kagami: “Oh yeah?” Your somewhat of a confession catches him off guard and completely destroys any confidence Kagami had to confess to you himself. His mind is filled with thoughts on what he could have done for you to lose feelings for him. Maybe you didn’t lose feelings; maybe you were bluffing. But there’s no way to know that without actually talking to you about it. Still, he resolves himself to giving up on his plan for the day, wanting to refocus himself and collect the courage he’d lost so quickly.

Kiyoshi: “Well, isn’t that a coincidence.” He’s smiling at you as he says this. Kiyoshi takes your words as what they are – the perfect opportunity for him to confess himself. He’s quick to explain that he still harbors feelings for you, even if you no longer felt the same, and he’d like for you to give him a chance now that he was ready. Who knows? Maybe he could convince you that you’d been right about your feelings for him all along and there was no need to hold back any longer.

Himuro: The breath that leaves him almost sounds like the beginning of a self-depreciating laugh. He thinks to himself, of course the moment he planned to confess to you, you would drop this bombshell on him. It was just like his life to work out this way. He almost wants to resent your confession, but Himuro can’t stop the creeping feeling of butterflies in his stomach. You used to like him, but it didn’t mean you stopped liking him. Maybe he still had a chance.

Mibuchi: “Would you still want to be more than best friends?” The question comes out of him sounding calm and relaxed, but inside, Mibuchi is far from those two emotions. His heart lurches at the thought you may not like him anymore in the same way he liked you and you can almost see the pained thoughts in his eyes. Your confession hadn’t ruined his opinion of you and he prayed his own confession wouldn’t change your opinion of him either.

Nebuya: There’s a brief moment where he’s stumped by your words, but then slowly, a low chortle leaves him. The chuckle he lets out after your confession nearly has you confused, but Nebuya is quick to explain. “That makes things a lot easier on my end.” He uses your confession as a segue into one of his own. He seems confident as he expresses his feelings for you, almost as if he didn’t mind that you basically confessed to losing feelings for him. Almost as if he was sure he could convince you otherwise.

Hayama: He hadn’t heard that your feelings for him had changed – or he chose to ignore that part of your confession – because Hayama’s face was practically split in half with a large grin. His own confession spills out of him before his mind could even register the words and it’s not until you’re staring back at him slack-jawed that he realizes what he’s done. Suddenly, he’s nervous again, red in the face. “So, uh, do you think you still like me?”

Hanamiya: “So you telling me you don’t like me anymore?” One of his brows is quirked up at the question and he seems to be looking at you with a blank stare, as if he’s expecting your confirmation. A part of him hopes that you’ll fluster, say you hadn’t changed your feelings, make it easier for him to confess. A different part of him wants what you said to be true so he could finally squash away the stupid crush he’s had on your for years.

Nijimura: “What made you change your mind about me?” Despite the fact he had come here to confess his feelings to you, Nijimura needed to know what had changed. He knew there had been a few years where he’d been absent from your life thanks to his own family issues and he knew it would have been unfair to ask you to wait for him. So the continuation of his plan really banked on your answer. He needed to know that the feelings you had for him were repairable before he could continue.

[askthehospitalghost]

《A Guide to Irina's Opinions on the Ghouls》

Chart Credit to @lesbianmido

《Dear lord this took so much time to write.》

Mortkranken

"Mortkraken is great!! What do you mean, we're not scary! Please give us a chance. Our standards and quality of care of our patients is much higher than Darkwick General, I promise."

Yuri: "Yuri is an absolutely gifted mind, and his skills as a doctor are more than just impressive. I admire him greatly. I will make it so that the academy sees his worth. He has ensured my own safety, so I will ensure him the respect he deserves."

Jiro: "He's a brother to me, and I could never ask for a better teacher. His patience and his kindness seem to go unnoticed by others, and I don't understand why. I hope someday, I can be as great as he is. He means the world to me. I'd face exorcism, if it ment protecting him, and I know he'd likely do the same for me. I also admire how nothing seems to phase him. He's strong both in combat and in soul, and, I really really hope that I can learn that from him too."

Frostheim

"Yuri seems to dislike them, so I'm inclined to agree out of respect and loyalty. Even so, after delivering medication for them and taking the exam calls so Jiro and Yuri can focus elsewhere, I find their house does hold great merit."

Jin: "I have administered his medication for him a few times, and I believe my current understanding is that he is simply just a very stressed man. Instead of becoming anxious and leaving his stressors, though, he confronts them head on, which compounds his stress into irritation. I admire his determination greatly, and his composure in missions. Should he give me an order, I would follow it without hesitation, as his strategic intelligence is quite reliable."

Tohma: "...He's...fascinating. But I would prefer it if my observations were kept from a strict, quite extensive distance. His intellect stands on the ground that Jin's does, or perhaps far higher than that. But there is something to him that I just can't seem to place. I have not told him about my accommodations, nor my situation, but it ad if he somehow seems to know. It doesn't make sense! My captain and vice captain record my examinations in code so that disclosure remains my choice... but not with him. It's like his monocle sees everything. I fear him for it, but respect him even more. He keeps his house safe. Who am I to turn my eyes from that?"

Kaito: "Very kind! But very much needs to build his confidence. At first, I disliked him upon the fundamental incompatibility of our values. Fear, to me, must be set aside to protect yourself and others. But... he's trying so hard to be courageous. That is far more impressive to me than someone who isn't afraid of anything at all. Because it is hard, to be afraid and act despite it. He's also tought me a good deal about how to let loose. My time with him and Luca almost feel familiar, somehow. I enjoy it a lot."

Luca: "His dedication and desire to protect is deeply admirable to me. Come to think about it, we are remarkably similar...almost conceringly so. I feel rather alive training with him, and spending time with him as well. Hm... I should explore this line of thought further."

Vagastrom

"The internet says that I need enrichment time. My arrangement with Vagastrom appears to serve quite well."

Alan: "He keeps me at arms length and does not allow me to know much about him. But, even so, he leads his house well. He has banned me from using the pit with anyone except for himself and Mr.Haizono, and sometimes, Mr.Errant. Having no artifact, his guidance has been paramount to my success in missions. He also allows me to work on the cars with him. We do not talk often, but it is comfortable."

Leo: "He appears as though he is very disapproving of me training with Captain Mido and Mr.Shohei. My appearance seems to unnerve him as well. Many of times, I have heard him express such with unkind names. Even so, this will not stop me from developing my own skill. So long as it says just words, I do not mind."

Sho: "He is quite nice, and I enjoy my training sessions with him. However, our friendship could never be fully fifty fifty. Being unable to taste or enjoy food, I cannot delight in his passions the way he indulges my own. For now, I suppose I am unable to stop myself for feeling a level of regret and grief, but should the day comes when I can enjoy foods again, I will be visiting his food truck as soon as I become aware, to celebrate."

Jabberwock

"Due to the unpredictability of their weather, it is actually quite dangerous for me to visit. Additionally, the messes in their commons are much like flytape. If I enter, I will not be able to leave."

Haru: "He has much on his plate, but I do keep a deal of distance. I fear that his lack of sleep might cause his health to deteriorate, and it's worrisome that he has so much to do. Even so, if I offer to help, it is very risky. I feel guilty, and wish I could help, but I must not lose control over myself there."

Towa: "He also appears to know what I am, without me admitting to it. He also sees Zenji, and does not appear to like him very much. I've also come to discover that he is the reason for the weather there. It saddens me that I cannot accompany Zenji for his visits there, but it's simply too dangerous."

Ren: "It doesn't seem as if he wishes to talk to me. I will respect that boundary."

Sinostra

"Like Jabberwock, traveling there is dangerous. However, my arrangement with them is also rather lucrative. It was not a deal I believed would happen, but I enjoy it nonetheless."

Taiga: "Meeting the boss for the first time was an experience to say the least, but I believe it has fostered a sort of mutual understanding. Being held at gunpoint means very little when you're already dead. It seemed he respected that. He appears to remember me well, too. Though, it is dangerous for me to spend extended time with him. I have no fear confronting him, what would he do, shoot me? Even so, he knows what it is that I am, and his hunger for anomalies could lead to a quite problematic outcome. I must be careful to not push the limits."

Romeo: "He demands respect, like the Boss. We do not speak of it often but we both also have prosthetics. Is it unusual to feel a form of kinship as a result? Beyond that though, after explaining that my name no longer exists, and that to give my real tax information would literally be fraud, he has worked out a way for me to work in Sinostra as an entertainer. In a rather fascinating way, it has given me my life back, and I appreciate him greatly for that."

Ritsu: "His intellect, confidence, courage and willingness to take a challenge head on is deeply admirable. As is his loyalty to his house. He has made me feel most welcomed, and has inspired me to study more fervently. I will likely need to reply upon him for his support when the time comes where I am, in the legal sense, living once again. But, he deserves to be paid for his efforts. I will work to ensure that I can. I wonder as well if he might be willing to teach me how to speak English, in return for me teaching him first aid. Needless to say, I admire him greatly. I suppose I have a scientific curiosity for him as well, and find myself considering him often."

Hotarubi

"It is a place that I simply cannot safely visit. It is heartbreaking, really. From what I hear, I would greatly enjoy both the atmosphere and the students there."

Subaru: "I know little of the man, but he deserves respect for his skill and kindness. Zenji speaks well of him. I trust his judgement."

Haku: "Logically speaking, and based upon what Zenji has told me, Haku should not frighten me as much as he does, but at the end of the day, he both knows what I am and has the power to perform an exorcism. Zenji promises me that he won't, that he hasn't done it to him and was lying to protect him. And, yes, fear should not be an excuse in stopping me from getting to know him... but I find the incense that clings to his skin actively burns me. I must avoid him for my own safety."

Zenji: "The bond between two ghosts is a strange one, especially when one is corporeal and one is not. He is endlessly creative and passionate, which I admire. I can confide in him openly about my experiences with undeath, and deeply relate to the pain of being unseen by others for so long. Also, knowing that he and Jiro are so close, by extension, he is also a brother to me, too. He's afraid to see Jiro still, it seems, so I keep him up to date on how he is. And also, I relay messages from Zenji to Jiro without revealing his existence. It makes my heart feel full again. Like it somehow still beats."

Obscuary:

"In time, I know I will be transfered here whether I wish to or not. If I succeed, at least. With that being said, even if I am unhappy to leave my house behind, it is logical to build the bridge before attempting to cross it. Though, I still hope I don't have to leave Mortkranken. They are my family. I cannot simply go easy into the mansion in the woods."

Ed: "Not only does he know what I am, and the laws in which I'm bound to, but also, he uses that for his own entertainment. I am forcibly compelled by my condition to clean up any messes I see, and so, he leaves them within my sight. He also knows far too much about me, even about things from when I was alive. It unsettles me. He has also told me that I am a pretender, especially in the realm of sensuality. As well as that I am a rather stale morsel. I do not take kindly to his belief that I am "sensual", it is a distraction from my work. I also do not appreciate being likened to a meal. Or a stale one, at that. I believe he likes making my skin crawl. I avoid him at all costs."

Rui: "He is very very kind! Since Mr.Hart oh so kindly told my secret to all of Obscuary without my permission, Rui knows what I am. We have discovered that it is safe for me to touch him, both with my prosthetics, and skin to skin contact. (Please do not get the wrong idea, I was tending his wounds). Even so, this causes him immense anxiety with the relief all at once. Since it is safest for everyone in Mortkranken, I am the sole caretaker for his medical needs, and for his routine examinations. I still avoid touch though, for his comfort. I like him, he is nice. But I find myself avoiding him both due to his Captain, and due to the souring that a forced relocation would cause. I do not even like to think about it."

Lyca: "Similarly to Rui, I find myself distant from Lyca by no fault of his own. His disliking of girls seems to have faded knowing I might join them in time, and that I am an anomaly as well. I wonder if perhaps I should offer to study with him, and extend that olive branch his way. He seems very passionate about learning, which I respect, but... I don't know. For some reason, I cannot seem to get past the idea of leaving Mortkraken behind. It will take me time to move on, it seems.... such an odd thing to say."

[ask-icancraft-it]

“I Love You Too.”

(( A follow up to 'I Love You.' I've been fussing over this a while; it was a struggle to write. Sometimes you just gotta throw things out there and hope for the best. )) ________ Felix blinked, completely taken off guard by the tall silhouette blotting out the light outside his apartment door.

“I love you too,” Tamora repeated in a whisper.

The handyman’s face was hard to read as he stood in his pajamas, combing his fingers through his hair. He seemed more stunned than anything. Wordlessly, he invited her in, and they sat together on his couch. 

Slowly, Felix reached out his palm, and Tamora tangled his fingers with hers. His eyes brimmed with tears as he held on tight.

“I was…so afraid that you never wanted to see my face again,” Felix sniffled, realizing this wasn’t a dream.

“I should be the one saying that; not you,” Tamora gulped. “After all the things I said…”

“It’s going to take more than a few angry words to shake me.” 

The sergeant was amazed at how easily things rolled off Felix’s shoulders; how fearlessly he expressed his feelings. He was a far stronger person than she was in so many ways. Squeezing his hand still joined with hers gave Tamora the courage needed to follow his example.

“I got so caught up in how good it felt to be with you that I nearly forgot how hard loving someone can be…when you could lose them. And when you told me you loved me, everything came rushing back at once. All the pain and grief...”

Tamora’s teary gaze met Felix’s as she took in a shuddered breath.

“I acted out of self-preservation. I realized I was in too deep because…I love you too. And that terrified me. I’m terrified that what happened with Brad will happen again. I let my guard down.”

“Oh, Tammy…” Felix kissed her knuckles. It broke his heart to see how deeply her backstory affected her. 

“I don’t want to lose you,” the sergeant whispered. “And like an idiot, I thought pushing you away was the answer. I’m sorry.”

A bittersweet smile crossed the handyman’s lips.

“And I’m sorry…I’m sorry I didn’t tell you what I knew. And I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like you needed fixing—”

“No,” Tamora winced. “Forget all those dumb things I said, Fix-It. I took every insecurity I had and put them on you. Dammit…Why do you even love me? That is if you still do.” 

“Still do,” the handyman chuckled, squeezing her hand. 

Lost for words, the sergeant pulled him into a tight embrace, both taking in the comfort of the other’s arms. “Sometimes…I get scared about losing you too,” Felix confided. “What the last thirty years have shown me is…you never know what’s going to happen. A game-breaking glitch, a faulty wire, outmoded—I’ve seen a lot of folks go. Some of them friends.”

Tamora blinked, pulling away to look into the handyman’s world-weary eyes. It was the first time she’d ever seen him like this.  Felix placed a hand over hers when she cupped his face.

“There’s always a risk when you care for someone. It’s okay to be afraid…But Tammy, don’t let fear deprive you of all the good things that can come from taking a chance.”

With those words, Tamora felt heard, understood, and comforted all at once. Nodding, more tears threatened to fall. 

“I love you,” she said with a newfound acceptance.

“I love you too.”

[fishcowwrites]

You've Begun to Feel Like Home

Smallcrow oneshot

1.5k words cross posted on ao3 under cut

i don't know what i'm doing so i hope this is good yuppers :)

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In the early morning light, Eric carefully lifted Tanner’s suitcase out of the trunk. When Tanner had come for the Anthony Padilla interview, he had only stayed for two days. Now, with the Red Bull stream, it wasn’t even one day. But even if they had sponsored Tanner to stay for a year, it wouldn’t be enough. It would never be enough. 

“So, uh, I think that’s it! I guess… I guess this is goodbye then, huh?” Eric said, making sure to avoid eye contact with the taller man. Tanner nodded slowly, making no move to grab his bags.

“Yup. That’s it.” Tanner shifted awkwardly. “Thanks for driving me to the airport. You really didn’t have to. “I know,” Eric said, staring at the ground. “I just… I wanted to, y’know?” Tanner didn’t respond.

The two of them stood there in uncomfortable silence for a while, both men reluctant to make the move to leave. Eric’s heartbeat thumped in his ears as his nails dug into his palms. Why couldn’t he just say something? Was he really about to let the best thing in his life leave again? One part of him felt like throwing up and another felt like bursting into tears. But those weren’t options.

“tannerbeforeyougoireallyneedtosaysomethingtoyouandimsorryifitsweirdbutithinkiloveyou.” The words seemed to rush out of Eric’s mouth before he could stop them. Upon realizing what he just said, he made a noise similar to “aoughck” as he felt his face turning bright red. He wanted to take off running as fast as possible, but it was like his feet were fused to the ground. Thankfully, Tanner didn’t laugh, scream, or punch him in the face, instead opting for a mildly confused expression.

“Sorry, I didn’t- I don’t know what you just said.” Tanner said. This was it. This was Eric’s chance to just say he hadn’t said anything and just walk away like nothing happened. Unfortunately, Eric was impulsive.

“I. Hm. Ha. Well. I said. A lot of things. Which things? In particular? Or just in general? Cause I know I talk a lot and sometimes that can be confusing, especially when I ramble, because I have a lot of thoughts and lot of things to say and-” Eric halted as Tanner took hold of one of his hands.

“Okay. Slow down, Eric. It’s okay. It’s just… I’m pretty sure I know what you said. But I need to be sure. Please.”  Tanner’s voice was now hardly above a whisper, but Eric had heard every word. Shakily, he looked up. Tanner’s face was right in front of his, and- was he crying? No, not quite yet. But he looked pretty damn close to it. Tears he hadn’t even realized were brewing in his own eyes suddenly fell, leaving him feeling small and stupid as he quickly looked back towards the ground.

“Please, Eric. I need to know.” Tanner’s free hand tilted his chin up, forcing them to make eye contact. They were impossibly close now, almost as close as Eric had always dreamed of. It was now or never.

“I said…” Eric swallowed, trying to delay. “I said there was something I needed to tell you. Y’know, before you go. And-And I’m sorry if it’s weird, or if it makes you uncomfortable, or anything like that, but I really need to tell you this.” Eric took a deep breath, chewing on the inside of his lip as he tried gather the courage to say what he needed to. Because if he didn’t, it might eat him alive.

“I said that I think I love you.” Eric thought he might faint right then as he waited for Tanner to respond. Why wasn’t he responding? Did he hate Eric now? Had he always hated him? Oh god, he knew he shouldn’t have said anything. He should just crawl in a hole and die where no one could see him. He should be raptured by God and taken away from this world.

Suddenly, he heard something odd. It was… laughing. Tanner was laughing. Tanner was laughing at him. OH GOD, TANNER WAS LAUGHING AT HIM. His expression must have looked really bad, because quickly Tanner was rushing to reassure him.

“Oh, no, no Eric, it’s okay. I’m not, oh god. I’m not-” Tanner laughed as he looked at Eric, his eyes shining with something that could only be described as adoration. “It’s just… God, I’m stupid.”

“What?” Eric choked out. He didn’t know what to make of Tanner’s reaction. Was this good or bad? Did Tanner hate him now? Tanner was still quietly giggling to himself, seemingly getting a kick out of everything.

“CJ tried to tell me a while ago, but I didn’t believe him.” Tanner laughed, shaking his head. “He was practically yelling at me listen, but I didn’t.” If Eric was a computer, he would have bluescreened. It didn’t make sense. CJ? What was he talking about?

“CJ, he told me to tell you how I felt. How I’ve always felt.” Tanner explained, seemingly sensing Eric’s confusion. “Eric, I love you too. I have for years, even before… everything. And CJ was always telling me to just shoot my shot because you’d say yes. I told him he was crazy. I guess I owe him an apology now.”

I love you too. Those were the words that Eric had dreamed of hearing for years. A wave of relief rushed through his body as he realized what that meant. Tanner loved him. Oh god, Tanner loved him. He was laughing now too, relishing the release of all the tension. That year when he didn’t speak to Tanner was one of the worst in his life. But now…

“Can I kiss you?” The words fell softly from Eric’s lips, less of a question and more of a plea. Wordlessly, Tanner nodded as he leaned in.

By all counts, the kiss was awkward. Eric had to balance on his toes while Tanner hunched slightly. The morning air whipped the exhaust fumes around them as busses honked and cars screeched. Eric was sure he looked like shit, considering he had literally rolled out of bed to get Tanner to the airport on time for his early flight. But it was heaven.

No, it was more than heaven. Kissing Tanner was like life. It was the air he breathed and the ground he walked on. It was the sweetness of an apple and the heat of a pepper. It was the rush of adrenaline that lets you know you’re alive. It was everything and more.

After a blissful eternity, they broke a part.

“Wow.” Was all Eric managed to say.

“Wow indeed,” Tanner smirked. The pair of them stood there a little while longer, holding each other and desperate to not let go. They might have stayed there forever if it weren’t for the security guard politely but impatiently telling Eric he had to move his car.

“Do you still have to go?” Eric mumbled, burying his face in the crook of Tanner’s neck. He smelled faintly of vanilla and firewood.

“I’m sorry.” Tanner sighed. “There’s some work being done at the house. And Red Bull only paid for the one night.”

“Damn Red Bull. Too cheap to pay for two nights for the famous Smallant, huh?” Eric laughed. “You could stay at my place, though.”

“I… I really have to get back.” Tanner shook his head. “It’s not that I don’t want to. It’s just… there’s a lot going on. Adult stuff.”

“Boooo adult stuff.” Eric groaned. “I just-I just wish you could stay longer.” It was embarrassing, how strong the need he felt to be with Tanner was. The need to hold him and never let go.

“I know. Trust me, I don’t want to go either. But… I’ll call you. Every day, until I can come back here.” “Every day.” Eric repeated. “You must promise call me every day. For at least an hour. Even if we’re not talking. Just to hang out. You’re gonna be so sick of me.” Eric laughed.

“Sick of you? Never.” Tanner chuckled. “But I promise. And I swear I’ll try to come back here as soon as possible. It just might take a bit.” They stayed there for just a second longer before the guard told Eric, less politely this time, that he had to move.

“Okay. Okay. You’re gonna be late for your flight.” Eric exhaled, pulling back from their embrace. “Text me when you land, okay?” They were both trying not to cry again, and Eric just wanted to get the hard part out of the way.

“I’ll text you. And call you, just like we said.” Tanner said as he grabbed his bags before leaning in for a final kiss. “Goodbye.”

“See you soon,” Eric corrected. “Not goodbye.”

“Right.” Tanner smiled. “See you soon.” And then he was gone.

Eric was crying again, but these were good tears. Happy tears. Everything had gone well. Perfectly, even. Tanner loved him. And it really wasn’t goodbye. It was just the beginning of their story.

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hope you liked it!

[2minz8]

stronger together;

alnst, ivantill, 2.3k, chapter 2/? ivantill are both saved during round 6 but ivan is injured read chapter 1 here

Till sat with Ivan for the rest of the evening, though neither of them said much. Oddly, he didn’t mind. It was comforting, actually, to just relax and bask in silence without the underlying fear of what tomorrow would bring.

At some point, they were visited by Hyuna – she introduced herself, a formality if anything because Till had heard about her. He wondered if Ivan had, too. There was no way to tell because he didn’t respond or react at all while she talked, explaining their plans.

At the end, she paused and looked at Till with an unspoken question. He swallowed, already knowing what she was asking without needing to hear it.

“I can’t,” he said. He didn’t look at Ivan, though he wasn’t sure why. “I want to stay with him.”

He don’t know what he expected. A fight, maybe, for her to push back. But she didn’t; she simply smiled. “Okay. We’ll need every bit help we can get – ” He wondered if she would say something, then, but she just continued breezily “ – which unfortunately means I’m not sure how many people we can leave behind to aid either of you if you find yourselves needing anything.”

Till felt relief bloom and spread through his chest. “We’ll be okay on our own,” he said, and felt like he meant it.

“Okay,” she said again. She was nicer – far less intimidating – than he had imagined upon hearing the rumors. “I’ll have someone bring you two food in a few minutes. I’ll also show you where the kitchen is before we get started, so you can feed yourselves.”

He realized, then, that he had never really had to feed himself. He suspected the same could be said for Ivan. While the food the aliens provided had been disgusting, it had been edible. Enough to sustain them.

With a last nod, Hyuna left the room. Till finally chanced a look at Ivan. He didn’t look mad, exactly, but he didn’t exactly look happy. His lips were pressed together firmly.

“What’s wrong?” he asked before he could think better of it. If he had just given it a little more thought, he probably could’ve put the pieces together himself.

Ivan let out a huff of air, eyes dropping to his legs. They were still covered with the blanket; Till hadn’t seen them yet. “She didn’t even extend the offer to me.”

“Well, I mean. You’re, you know.” He gestured vaguely.

If he was smarter, he would’ve shut up, because the feeling of Ivan’s gaze on him – dark and angry – was like a knife through his heart. “Because I’m useless now, then?”

Till hadn’t meant it like that. He hadn’t even been thinking, to be fair. He shouldn’t have said anything at all.

“It’s not about you not being useful,” he said, trying to think a little more carefully. “I’m sure she just doesn’t want you hurting yourself even more.”

Ivan stared at him for a moment longer before looking away. He didn’t say anything. Till wasn’t sure if that was a blessing or not.

He was aware they hadn’t been taught a lot. The aliens only ever taught them about singing, really. In the past, that was the least of his concerns. He didn’t care if he didn’t know much about the world, he just wanted to be free. But now, sitting here in silence that was no longer comfortable, he wished he had been taught how to comfort another person.

Till hadn’t had much time for that, after all, especially regarding Ivan. They had fought most of the time, even if it had been playful and lighthearted at times.

Well, he knew one thing he should do. Mizi had even asked it of him.

“Are you hungry?” he asked, not quite brave enough to try meeting Ivan’s gaze again. “They’ll be dropping food off soon,” he repeated, like Ivan hadn’t also been in the room. He winced, cursing himself internally. “Um. You haven’t been eating much since you woke up, right?”

He heard a grunt, assumed that was answer enough.

“Do you feel sick?” he asked, finally mustering up the courage to look his way again.

Ivan was already staring back. Somehow, that wasn’t surprising. Till was starting to think if he had paid more attention, before, he would’ve noticed Ivan watching him a lot more. After a long moment, he finally shook his head.

“Okay.” Till couldn’t tell if he should be relieved or not. He was glad he didn’t feel sick, but that meant whatever was causing his lack of appetite was probably a little – or a lot – more complicated.

Before he could even attempt to push the conversation further, the door swung open with a loud clank and no warning. Till hoped neither of them noticed how he jumped a little. He didn’t recognize the man; he was sure he would’ve remembered him, too, with that scar on his face.

“Here,” he said, handing a tray over to Till. There wasn’t much on it; just two small bowls of stew, spoons already set in them. While the portion was small, the smell was incredible.

Till gave what he hoped was a believable enough smile. “Thank you.”

With a nod, the man slipped out of the room as quickly as he had come. Till wondered if he was usually nicer, just too busy to linger or force pleasantries. He supposed it didn’t matter either way.

For a moment, he just sat there on the edge of Ivan’s bed, letting the smell build and waft around the room. He hoped, maybe, that would kickstart Ivan’s appetite. Finally, he twisted around and set the tray down on the bed carefully. “You should eat,” he said, taking one of the bowls. It was hot, but not burning. Weirdly comforting. He cradled it in his hands as he looked up to meet Ivan’s eyes. “I know you don’t want to, but you won’t recover as well if you don’t.”

He was surprised – pleasantly so – when Ivan didn’t argue and just took the bowl. Their fingers brushed for just a few seconds but it was enough to make a shiver dance down his spine. It wasn’t a bad sensation, really, just new. Different. He had touched Ivan a million times, before, but it had never felt quite like that.

The kiss had been new, too. He had dreamed of it, before, kissing Mizi but he had never done it. With her, or anyone. He wondered suddenly if Ivan had. He wondered, too, if he would care if he had. It wasn’t like he had a right to be jealous.

Sitting back, Till grabbed his bowl of soup and gently sipped from the edge. He watched out of the corner of his eye as Ivan stirred the spoon around in the bowl a few times before setting it aside.

He hadn’t taken a single bite. He probably thought Till hadn’t been watching or even cared enough to notice.

“You haven’t even touched your food,” he said, trying to keep his tone light.

Ivan eyed him. “I did,” he lied, a little too easily.

Till suppressed a smile. “No,” he said. “You didn’t.” Without waiting for a reply, he leaned across Ivan and grabbed his discarded bowl of stew. It was still warm, thankfully. “I don’t know why you’re not eating,” he continued after a pause, meeting his eyes briefly, “but do you mind if I try something?”

“I have a suspicion you would still try even if I said no,” he replied, but there was a hint of amusement in his voice.

And that was enough permission for Till. Getting a decent scoop of the stew, he scooted a little further up the bed and extended his arm. By the time the spoon was nearing Ivan’s mouth, his eyes had widened a bit. Till bit back a huff of laughter.

“You’re kidding me,” he said. Notably, he didn’t shove him away though and that seemed promising.

Till let himself crack a small smile. “Open up.”

“You are not feeding me.” This time, his voice was a little harder. “I messed up my leg, not my arm. I’m perfectly capable of eating on my own.”

Till might’ve given up, before, but he was starting to realize some things about Ivan. “I’m not trying to imply you aren’t,” he said, slow and even, “but doing it this way would ease some of my own concerns, is all.”

He almost felt bad, twisting the situation like that, but he knew it was his best chance. And he was right; Ivan glared at him for a second longer before sighing heavily. “Fine. But only this once.”

He tried not to seem too excited. “Thank you,” he said, surprised by how much he meant it. It hadn’t been a lie, he realized, he really would be more at ease this way, knowing for a fact Ivan was eating properly. He really did need to, if he wanted to heal.

Not wanting to drag it out, mostly out of the fear Ivan would change his mind, he quickly fed him the first bite. He was only able to feed him a few more spoonfuls before Ivan was turning away, a displeased twist to his mouth.

This time, he opted to believe him. He hadn’t been eating much, after all, so he didn’t want to push it and make him sick.

He quickly finished his own bowl, suddenly realizing how hungry he really was. Ivan didn’t say anything as he ate. Once he was done, he placed the bowls together on the tray and set it by the door.

Till wasn’t sure how much time passed but at some point he looked up and noticed Ivan had drifted off, his head tilting at a slightly awkward angle against the stained pillow.

Standing up slowly, careful not to disturb him, he gently reached up and adjusted the pillow, just enough so hopefully he wouldn’t wake up with a sore neck. Once he was satisfied, he walked to the door and picked up the tray. Now was the hard part – slowly, inch by inch, he forced the door open. Thankfully, it wasn’t as loud as before and a quick glimpse at Ivan confirmed he was still asleep.

Till slipped out through the door and shut it behind him.

“Oh, good – ”

He startled, spinning around. He relaxed when he saw it was just Hyuna.

“I was just on my way to talk to you two.”

Till glanced at the door and back again. “He’s sleeping right now. Anything you tell me, I can tell him later.”

He wasn’t sure why he felt a little unsettled – a little too seen – by the way she smiled at him, tilting her head a little.

“We decided to leave one of our healers behind,” before he could protest, she was lifting a hand, stopping him before he could even get a word out, “I know you think being selfless means being stupid but he needs proper care, even with you here. She won’t bother either of you more than necessary but if he wants any hope of using that leg again, he needs help from someone a little more qualified than you.”

Till clutched the tray, hard, but didn’t object.

“It’ll be good for us, too, to have someone back here in case anything goes wrong and our healers on site are taken out.”

That absolved a bit of the guilt, even though he knew it was a lie just to comfort him.

“But she’s all we can afford. We need numbers on our side, so like I said before, I’ll show you the kitchen. Storage. You’ll both be on your own, and –” She paused, narrowing her eyes. Till felt a shiver down his spine and he wasn’t even sure why. He hadn’t done anything, had he?

“He’ll need you,” she continued finally, “I don’t know him very well but I know what he’s going through, well, it isn’t easy. And there will be bad days. If you aren’t committed to helping him through this, tell me now. I’ll find someone else to stay here and you can go in their place.”

Till bristled, standing a little taller. “You think a random stranger would be more comforting at his side right now than me?”

“You could certainly comfort him better,” she agreed, “but that also means you could hurt him worse.”

He opened his mouth, ready to argue, but realized he had nothing to say for once. She was right. He couldn’t treat this like a problem to be solved. Like if he waited long enough, Ivan would just be okay again. It wasn’t that simple and he knew it. But he also knew he wanted to do this.

He wanted to be here when Ivan needed someone. The realization wasn’t nearly as daunting as it might’ve felt even just a few days ago.

“Okay,” she said, breaking the silence. It was just one word but felt a lot heavier. Stepping forward, she reached up and squeezed his shoulder, just the edge of too hard. “I hope we return but if we don’t, stay as long as you need. We have enough food here to last three people for probably a year, if you ration well.”

Till swallowed, once. “I just really want to be free.” He didn’t even have it in him to be embarrassed or ashamed about the way his voice shook just a little.

Hyuna’s smile was warm, a stark contrast to the intensity he had seen from her earlier. “Leave that to us, okay, kid?” Any other time, he would’ve argued. He wasn’t a kid, after all, wasn’t sure he ever really had been, not the way he was supposed to be. But he was just too tired. “Come on,” she patted his arm. “I’ll show you where everything is and introduce you to Kara, the healer.”

[diamondshapedcat]

I feel it sometimes, that pull that torments too many of us. That silent call coming from within, begging us to let go and take that first step. What if we were different? Born in a different body working in harmony with the mind we have. One not constrained by biology and powerful hormones shaping both body and brain. What if?

I have wondered, as many have, what I would look like as a woman. How would I feel? Would I feel pride when I look at myself in a mirror? What doors would open up and how many would be locked behind me? And finally that most important question of all:

Is it worth it?

Risking everything you know for a chance of something better. Enduring never-ending demands to prove yourself before those who only show you hate. Saving up for the procedures to fix your flaws while dreading another news headline attacking you.

In some ways my 'curse' is kinder than most. I can endure it and I have the rare luxury of knowing it will not last forever. But it eats away at me all the same. That urge deep within begging for release. Bargaining for just a little part to be set free to spread joy. To change into a new better form that isn't devouring itself from within. Then I wake up the next day and the urge is gone. Silent. And all is well inside, no discord sowing seeds that grow itchy thoughts. I am free to sit with my mind in a calm field, detached away from those gendered cries. Sometimes on rare lucky days, I feel harmony effortlessly as mind and body sync up to form inner peace and I ask myself why I would ever want to give it up. But I know I will ask again. The tides of gender take the questions away but they will always bring them back as this is my form, my fate chosen by sciences poorly understood even by experts.

Why change?

The path of change is not easy or quick. It requires courage, tenacity and hope. Lots and lots of hope. A high price for something that might not bring the joy you want. I am not that strong. I am not that determined. I hear the call, but as a suggestion rather than an order. To others it might be the promise of liberation irresistible. Death or glory. But to me it is merely the path not taken. Why risk it all on a maybe and a sometimes?

I have heard it asked that in a vacuum, a pretend world where there is safety to explore without repercussions, who would you be? Who would I be? To cross that line and taste the forbidden fruit of the other. In this world I think I would take a bite but only to satisfy curiosity. To seek understanding but not change. To quell the beast and her cries. I feel no need escape my shell. This pain too shall pass.

No matter how I look at it, what questions I ask or how I feel, the answers are the same. I don't want it badly enough and I don't want it consistently enough. I say want rather than need because if I needed it I wouldn't be asking. To me the price of changing is too high and the payoff too low.

Tomorrow is a new gender. I hope it's a good one.