#them causing trouble together is uhhh An Aesthetic.

[sharpshoots]

@kyberborne​ sent 💬 for a random dialogue starter !!

          okay, so maybe it isn’t the first time they’ve gotten in trouble together.     or the second.  or the third.  okay, so maybe he’s lost count of how many times, but that doesn’t matter ;  they always get   out   of trouble together, too.   ❛   if we both stick to the story, they can't prove anything.   ❜

[changingourdestiny]

Nightlight Part 2: Stress

Summary:

As it’s revealed that not everyone in the Last City is willing to accept the House of Light within their walls, tensions begin to rise. But just as things feel like they can’t get any worse...

Previous Part: Here

Next Part: Coming Soon…

“Don’t get me wrong, I hate the Vex. But they have great taste in aesthetics!” Blaze said as she and the rest of Paralight hopped from platform to platform. “Watch out!” Rae yelled. “Huh- WHOA!!” Blaze skid to a halt upon seeing they had run out of platform, narrowly avoiding falling into the abyss, “That was close. Thanks, Rae.”

“Hold fast, Guardians.” Mithrax’s voice came through the comms, “I will alter the fabric of this Vex system to aid you.”

“Much obliged, Mithrax-kell.” Rae replied. “I don’t think I’ll ever not be surprised by splicers.” Blaze spoke as the small group of Guardians pushed forward, “I mean, I shouldn’t be surprised that splicers can mess with Vex stuff – they are machines after all – but it’s still impressive.”

“I know, right?” Tif beamed, “I remember when Misraaks first showed me his abilities. It’s so cool!”

“Speaking of so cool…” Blaze smirked upon spotting a Vex launch sphere before sprinting at it, letting herself be launched forward, “WHEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeee……...!!!”

Crow chuckled as he watched his fellow Awoken Hunter go soaring off into the air before face-planting onto the platform across the way, giving a thumbs up to the group shortly afterwards. “You’re crazy if you think I’ll let you have all the fun.” Crow called as he followed suit, tripping over and falling onto Blaze upon landing. “They’re idiots.” Rae laughed. “But they’re our idiots.” Adam added. “So, let’s be idiots together!” Tif finished as she flopped onto the launch pad, Adam following suit. Rae sighed with a smile as she muttered to herself, “The heroes of the system, ladies and gentlemen.”

 ~

 “Tif has a weird habit of getting piggyback rides from the enemies they’re trying to kill…”

“I mean…it works, so why change it?”

“Fair.”

“We’re here.”

Everyone transmatted down into the Botza Ruins in the Last City, which had been transformed into a camp for the House of Light refugees. Ikora had offered Mithrax and his house shelter in the city in exchange for aid in dealing with the eternal night. In the centre of the courtyard, Rae could see Mithrax and Tif discussing something with Osiris and Lakshmi-2, the latter Rae was surprised to see. Upon getting closer, Rae noticed Tif seeming uncomfortable as they stared at Lakshmi. “Lakshmi’s here. Greeeeeaaaaat…” Blaze groaned. “Is something wrong?” Crow asked. “Lakshmi and Blaze have a…unique…would ‘rivalry’ even be the right word?” Adam asked, scratching the back of his neck. “She thinks my future vision is bs.” Blaze replied, “I don’t even care about my future vision – I haven’t even gotten a vision since like…3 years ago, I think? I dunno. It’s her attitude I hate. Her whole ‘holier than thou’ mentality.”

“She’s that bad?” Crow turned to Rae. “She’s…a little much at times. And a little creepy.” Rae muttered the last part before speaking up again, “Let’s, uh…go see what’s up.”

As the four Guardians got closer, they could begin to hear the conversation.

“My people shelter beneath the Great Machine.” Mithrax began, “This is beyond simple generosity. I must thank Ikora for her gift.”

“This sanctuary is not granted by Ikora alone, but by all who live in the Last City.” Lakshmi replied before Osiris interjected, “Yes, and on their behalf, let me extend a welcome. I am Osiris, and this is Lakshmi-2, Future War Cult leader and City representative. And I believe you both are already well acquainted with Fireteam Paralight.” Osiris nodded towards the approaching Fireteam, acknowledging their presence. “My greatest appreciations to you all. The House of Light thanks you.” Mithrax thanked. “Your House can best show gratitude by keeping to itself.” Lakshmi replied harshly, “I know your assistance with the Vex will benefit us all, but not everyone in the city is so open-minded.”

“I think your voice box needs to be checked out, Lakshmi. That sounded like a threat.” Blaze said with a dead-pan expression before being elbowed by Rae, “Ow! What?! Just sayin’.” Lakshmi seemed to glare at Blaze for a brief moment before turning back to Mithrax and Tif, “You appear to be settling in. I will leave you to it.”

“If you require further help from us, you must only ask.” Osiris added. “We shall.” Tif spoke up, “There are several modifications we will need for stable Ether production.” Rae seemed surprised at Tif. It seemed like they were a completely different person. Instead of their usual relaxed posture and somewhat air-headed smile, Tif was standing up straight with their hands neatly folded behind their back and a serious expression on their face. They spoke in a polite and respectful tone which was completely different to Tif’s upbeat and peppy tone. “Submit a proposal to Ikora. She seems willing to get you anything you need.” Lakshmi replied, “I must return to the people in the city. Future War Cult has foreseen great misery for them in the days ahead and they will need an advocate. I often forget how highly those in the Tower have placed themselves.” Rae noticed Lakshmi glance at her as she said the last part before continuing, “The air is thin there. Best not to breathe too much of it.” And with that, Lakshmi transmatted out of the ruins. “If I may speak freely,” Tif began, dropping their demeanour, “She’s super creepy and kinda mean…”

“You must understand, this situation is tense for us all, young Titan.” Osiris began, “This encampment perches on the edge of decree and democracy. I hope your stay with us will be…uneventful.”

“As do we.” Tif sighed as Osiris left. “I’m just saying,” Blaze began in a hushed tone, “If you guys wanna ��accidentally’ blow up the FWC room, I know two rogues who could make it look like-”

“Blaze!” Rae said in a warning tone as she frowned at Blaze. “Kidding! I’m kidding!”

“Sure…” Rae sighed. “Do not worry, Raekel.” Mithrax began, “My people have no intention of causing trouble while we are here. We will do all we can to aid in freeing the Last City from this eternal night.”

Rae seemed caught off guard by the title, but gave a humble smile, “I’m glad to hear it. I look forward to working together again, Mithrax-kell.”

“Don’t worry, Rae! This is an alliance House Light has wanted for a long time. We’ll show the Vanguard their trust wasn’t misplaced! Hus shan, hus den!”

“Hus shan, hus den.” Rae nodded.

‘Yeah…yeah we can do this! If we work together, we can do anything!’

 ~

 “SON. OF. A. TRAVELER. DAMN. HIVE. MAGGOT. WHY?!”

“Uhhh…is she ok?” Tif asked with a worried expression as she stood outside the meeting room aboard the Helm with the rest of the Vanguard and Paralight.

“Oh dear. Rae having a mental breakdown?”

Everyone turned to see Marcia and Drifter approaching from down the hall. “It was bound to happen sooner or later.” Drifter chuckled, folding his arms, “I’m surprised it took the kid this long. I was certain she’d break around the time Moondust found the Pyramids up on ol’ Luna.”

“Not helping, you two.” Blaze groaned. Cayde walked up to the door and gently knocked, “Sunrae? You good?”

“…”

“…”

“…no...”

“You overstressed yourself again, didn’t you?”

“…maybe…”

“Want a hug and tea?”

“…yes…”

Cayde slowly opened the door to reveal Rae sitting at the meeting room table with her head down in defeat as a concerned Ghost floated around her. “Thank the Light you’re here.” He began, “I was worried that if she kept going, I’d have to revive her. And before you ask, no I will not repeat some of the things I’ve heard over the past 15 minutes. I didn’t even know half of the words she said were words…”

“That bad, huh?”

“Lakshmi…FWC…Vex…City………heeeelp…”

“Alright, c’mere Sunrae.” Cayde sat beside her and gave her a side hug, “You gotta stop overstressin’, y’know. Otherwise, you’ll end up like Zavala, Ikora and Osiris.”

“What do you mean?” Rae looked up from where her head was resting on the table. “They kept stressin’ over stuff and now look at ‘em. They stressed so much that their hair fell out! Ikora bare held on to hers and Osiris was only able to hold onto his beard!”

“W-what…?” Rae tried to withhold a giggle as Blaze, Crow, Marcia and Drifter tried not to laugh at Ikora and Zavala’s unimpressed faces. “Yep! In fact, it’s already starting. You have bald spots riiiiiight…here!!” Cayde started messing up Rae’s short brown and plum locks. Rae couldn’t help but laugh as she struggled against Cayde’s never ending hair-tussling. “What about you then?” Rae giggled as Cayde finally began to let up, “Did you lose your hair?”

“Oh, yeah. I had absolutely be-yew-tiful golden locks that attracted all the ladies! But I got straddled with Vanguard duty and POOF! All gone!” This earned another laugh from the Stasis Vanguard.

Rae took a breath, finally calming down from both the laughing fit and her stress. Her attention was brought back to the table as a teacup was placed in front of her. But instead of Ikora, it was Marcia handing her the tea, looking to the side, “H-hey, don’t look at me like that, ‘kay? I can make tea too, y’know.” While Cayde was cheering up Rae, Marcia used that time to make tea using the set Ikora usually kept in the meeting room.

“Thanks.” Rae smiled. “W-whatever…” Marcia muttered.

 “Um…am I interruptin’ something?”

Everyone turned to see a familiar brown-haired human Hunter with a long poncho. “Azzy!!!” Tif ran and Azara and hugged her tightly, picking her up and spinning her around in the process – something that was very comical to watch since Tif was two inches shorter than Azara. “Hey, Tiffy!” Azara chuckled as she was set down by the Titan, “Hey, y’all. Long time, no see.”

“Azara? What are you doing here?” Rae asked. “Found out Tif was livin’ here with you guys. Figured I’d come say hi.”

“You…” Marcia began, a wary look in her eye, “You’re Phyonysian, aren’t you?”

“Yup. But don’t worry about it. I’m not with the others.” Azara shrugged, “Got the hell outta there quickly. Too extreme for my taste.”

“If they trust you, fine. But I got my eye on you.”

“Duly noted.”

“Well…” Marica stretched before walking towards the door, “I’ll leave you guys to your boring Vanguard stuff. I’m goin’ down to the Annex for some air. Comin’ Drifter?”

“Nah. Got some stuff to handle for a bit. Might join ya after.” Drifter replied.

“Suit yourself. See y’all. Try not to go insane from the stress.”

“No promises!” Rae yelled after her as Marcia disappeared from around the corner, Drifter following suit not long after.

 ~

 The meeting had gone on for a while now. FWC had been suspected of causing trouble for the Eliksni as damage had been caused to their encampment. Thankfully, after a lot of tension and consideration, Saint-14 declared himself an ally of the House of Light which was reassuring to Rae and Tif both. According to Tif, Saint had been told as a scary bedtime story to young Eliksni. But to the Eliksni who were present at Twilight Gap, he was a nightmare turned reality, making it somewhat relieving that he was now an ally to them. Lakshmi, on the other hand, was seeming to become more and more hostile to the Eliksni. She claims that she saw a vision that the Eliksni would bring ruin to the Last City and was trying to rally the city folk against the Vanguard.

“She’s not making our job any easier…” Rae sighed. “Agreed.” Zavala sighed, “Unfortunately, the best thing we can do is show the people that we are doing out best. We keep fighting and put the safety of the city above all else.”

“Agreed.” Ikora noticed, “In other-”

“ARGH!!!”

Out of nowhere, Blaze fell out of her chair, clutching her head in pain. “Blaze!” Crow leapt up from where he was sitting and rushed to Blaze’s side. “What’s happening?!” Tif exclaimed. “I’ve seen this before.” Firefly whimpered as she appeared hovering over Blaze, “She’s having a vision!”

“So that’s her ability…” Azara muttered. Before Rae could question what Azara meant, Blaze let out a large gasp as she sat up with a terrified expression. “What is it? What did you see?” Rae asked. Blaze looked up at Rae with horror in her eyes.

 “Marcia’s in danger.”

 To Be Continued…

[astraltrain]

i realize i haven't talked about gorillaz hcs on here in a Fat Second so here i go. trigger warnings for uhhh abuse, trauma, suicide mention, alcohol mention, death mention, experimentation (for noodle) - this is gorillaz there's a lot. this is also SUPER LONG so i'll try and add a read more

every one of em has Trauma To The Max babey!!!! these guys have been to hell and back!!! literally in murdoc's case

cyborg could talk! she just chose not to. also murdoc realized programming her with a voice was annoying because she Looked like noodle but he couldn't make her sound exactly like her and it pissed him off. every word cyborg learned was through murdoc/2D/the book of man/various other scrap pieces of paper she found

russel n del were boyfs. fuck you

2D is the only straight member. i think this is canon actually ngl (was it ever made canon that russel n del were together?? i don't remember)

russel truly believes del was his soulmate and that he'll never find love again

every year on the anniversary of d-day 2D goes back to the place where the uncle norm's organ emporium was (which is now a greggs. i know my gorillaz lore) and just vibes for a bit

russel likes to visit graveyards and play music for the lonely spirits who don't get visitors

2D accompanied him once on one of these trips and it was wild cause 2D's like "russel russel russel are there any spirits near me" as like. all of the spirits huddle next to russel because 2D is loud and annoying. russel's like "oh yeah dee there's tons of spirits over there they really like you. why don't you sing for them" and dee's like :DD

2D is generally pretty oblivious. but. he noticed russel was really sad and missing del during phase two and wrote mr softy's balloon race to cheer him up. it was one of the nicest things russel had received in years and he cried over it for hours. what 2D Didn't know was that he'd just saved russel's life and he didn't even know it.

noodle as a ten year old didn't realize How Bad the relationship between murdoc and 2D was. obviously she'd had a really fucked up childhood so far so when murdoc would hurt 2D and 2D would laugh and play it off so as not to scare noodle, noodle was just like :DDD thinking it was all ok

it was during the time that noodle was alone in phase two after remembering her past that she was like. o h n o that was bad wasn't it

noodle met a girl in japan and lowkey fell in love with her, but they had to split so noodle could go back to kong. she wrote every planet we reach is dead for her

2D and noodle never got to properly reunite in phase three. by the time doyathing happened, 2D hadn't seen her in like seven years

murdoc is trying to be less of a terrible person now and all the other members take advantage of it. russel's like "can i get a coffee please murdoc" and murdoc goes "fuck off" but all russel has to say is "remember when you thought i'd offed myself so you replaced me with a drum machine" and murdoc's like. "how many sugars" dhdgdgdh

noodle n 2D fucking love to dance together like absolute nerds

2D is like. the awkward big brother

they are each others wingmen when picking up girls

except 2D doesn't do that as much anymore so in reality he tries to be noodle's wingman but it fails miserably because 2D Can't Do Social Interaction

the boogieman and the evangelist were murdoc's parents

all the band have really bad insomnia and nightmares so sometimes they all have sleepovers in one room and just. watch a movie and sit on their phones but they're in each other's company and that's all they need

they all have a fear of helicopters, especially noodle

russel became extremely claustrophobic after his time in north korea which was very understandable

all of them have pretty weird triggers but none of them question them. noodle starts freaking out cause 2D's eating bacon and he's like "o shit sorry i'll go to another room" they're all very respectful and it's great

the reason 2D had that bead curtain door in phase four was cause after plastic beach, he couldn't stand to be in rooms with closed doors anymore

also! more 2D angst! he didn't sing for like. a good couple years after plastic beach because Trauma Babey!! so when he had to sing again for humanz, the first time he got into the studio he just. had a complete fucking meltdown because he was so scared to sing again. eventually he managed it but he literally couldn't sing with murdoc around because he was so afraid of him

noodle sometimes does really childish stuff because obviously she had no fucking childhood and the others just let her go for it and support her if she gets embarrassed about it

noodle has killed people. lots of em. some against her will as a kid, some more recently. she has a lot of nightmares about it but unlike the rest of the band, she does Really good self care and looks after herself really well

the band sometimes go on spontaneous road trips and usually end up getting lost and taking aesthetic pictures at gas stations

noodle very rarely cries because she would have gotten into trouble for that as a kid so she bottles all her emotions up in favour of helping her family. when she started going to therapy she pretended all was well for a little while but that didn't work for very long and she completely broke down. russel was very surprised to see noodle come home that day in tears and just throw herself into his arms

noodle really likes fashion and clothes and makeup!! she likes to be Colourful and Bright

when she first arrived at kong at ten years old, she really didn't understand what was going on. none of the band spoke any japanese so she was under the impression that these people were new doctors who were going to train/test on her. she stuck to the routine she was given back in japan and was very surprised when the others didn't do the same. like small green man it's three in the afternoon why are you just up?? big bald man why are you just going to bed??? where is the tall blue man WHAT IS GOING ON

none of the band members were qualified to be parents. at all. they were all very messed up mentally and therefore noodle just kinda did what she wanted as a kid

noodle was exposed to a lot of bad shit while in kong. 2D and murdoc were not responsible at all about what they did and said around noodle so russel tried to be more responsible about that, but little noodle's just like "oh don't worry i've seen worse" and russel's like ?????

noodle was the one to rebuild cyborg out of the parts she had left from plastic beach. she did this while murdoc was in prison just to prove she could

2D has an extreme fear of cyborg, which is. obvious

noodle didn't tell 2D she was rebuilding cyborg. when he finds out he flips his shit and noodle's like. ah. maybe this was not a great idea

cyborg has now formed her own band! the rejects!

2D wears little bobby pins in his hair behind his ear which the band sometimes lowkey makes fun of him for until one day noodle asks why and he tells her it was because back on plastic beach, murdoc would sometimes be too drunk to remember to bring 2D food so he had to pick the lock and go steal some. so Yikes babey!!!!!!

writing the fall was the only thing that helped 2D cope during plastic beach. that's why there was barely any singing on it - this was HIS album, HIS voice, not murdoc's. he could do what he wanted with it. writing it was the only thing that kept him sane

noodle's the only member who hasn't tried to off herself at any point oop

they're all doing a lot better now cause they're all going to therapy yes even murdoc! yay fun happy times

russel taught noodle english and in return noodle taught him japanese. russel can now speak pretty good japanese and 2D knows like. the most basic of shit *flashbacks to the gshock interview video*

there was a while where noodle believed that literally all she was for was other people. that she was either a weapon or a guitarist and nothing more. it was only after she disappeared after phase two that she realized she could be more

she still has a scar from el mañana but she covers it up with makeup

2D and murdoc have made a pact to smoke/drink less, respectively. they also made what they called a "non suicide pact" - a pact not to off themselves, formed after 2D found murdoc shooting bullets into the ceiling in phase four

murdoc knew about the dartboard 2D had in his room that had his face on it because noodle and russel told him but he didn't really believe it until he went up into his room like "hey dents can i -" and 2D turns round and just stares at him, darts in hand fhgvhfhvf

murdoc: ....whatya doin' there dents

2D, turning back to the dartboard and throwing one straight into dartboard murdoc's eye: practicing for the real thing

hcvdhvdfhg anyway

sometimes 2D literally Cannot be around murdoc so he'll disappear for days without telling anyone cause he forgets that people worry about him oh no

murdoc says he wants to drink less alcohol cause he wants to better himself as a person but really it's because he can't drink without getting flashbacks to plastic beach

murdoc's memories of plastic beach aren't great. he was drunk out his mind most of the time so he luckily forgot a lot that comes back to haunt him in nightmares and has him waking up thinking "fuck did i really do that??" but yeah sometimes 2D just reminds him of something really awful he did and murdoc's like. a h

when ace came into gorillaz he was absolutely doing it for the paycheck. then he realized how Enormously Fucked Up these people were and was like o h n o

ace could not understand a word of 2D's english accent

ace once asked 2D why he was called that. 2D said "well my real name is stuart but murdoc calls me 2D and it stuck" and ace goes!!! that's bullshit!!! and he starts calling him stuart. he refuses to call him 2D. 2D gets so emotional over it he starts crying and ace is like "s h i t what do i do did i fuck up" but in reality dee's just glad to like. not be "2D" for once and to just be someone else

murdoc and 2D are heavily codependent on each other and it's extremely unhealthy cause obviously they're Really Bad For Each Other but. 2D's known murdoc since he was 19 and murdoc has never really left his life except for the one point before and after plastic beach. that's why when murdoc goes to prison in phase five, 2D just goes apeshit. because now 2D doesn't have the threat of murdoc constantly hanging over his head!! he's gone and 2D is free!!!! yay!!!!!!!

then he's like. o h. he's gone and i'm free. oh no

because he has no clue what to do with himself now!! his whole life revolved around murdoc and now murdoc is gone 2D's realizing "Oh No maybe our relationship WAS really unhealthy if i'm feeling this depressed now that he's gone!!!"

the now now was like. the fall part two: electric boogaloo in terms of how 2D wrote it to cope with his trauma

souk eye was like a really depressing love song

2D's lowkey a little in love with murdoc but not really in the romantic sense at all. and obviously it's not cute or reciprocated by murdoc or anything 2d.c shippers dni blease

he just. feels like murdoc's the only one who could ever love him and UGH it's so unhealthy. luckily noodle makes him go to therapy and he gets a bit better. by the time the end of phase five rolls around 2D's like >:D yeah!! i won't let you hurt me anymore murdoc!!!

then murdoc actually escapes and is rumored to be dead and the whole band just shuts down

because murdoc, like it or not (and none of them liked it), was the glue that held the band together. and fuck if it didn't fucking destroy them all a little bit, especially 2D

then murdoc showed up at their door and. 2D was the one to answer it without knowing it was murdoc. and there's noodle and also murdoc, still in his prison clothes, covered in literal shit, and the first thing he blurts out is "i listened to the album."

2D panics and slams the door in his face HCDGHGCDH

russel refuses to let murdoc inside unless he can give him one good reason to. noodle comes in through the back door and comforts her brother while he has a panic attack and murdoc's just. sitting at the door pouring his heart out to russel through the door. covered in shit. these guys need help man

eventually 2D and murdoc face each other again and oh lord. they're both crying and then murdoc apologizes and murdoc's never apologized for anything, ever, he never says he's sorry, and then they're hugging and noodle and russel are like !!!!!!!

meanwhile ace is like. can i get my paycheck. can i PLEASE get my paycheck

murdoc: here dents i got you a demon possessed yak. her name is madonna

ace, who's spent many a night listening to 2D cry and vent about murdoc and all he's done to him: surely he's not just gonna accept that and move on

russel and noodle, who know 2D far too well: oh he will. trust me he will

long story short 2D is now the proud father of a demon possessed yak named madonna

song machine is kind of like. their Big Project that they're putting together to try and bring them all closer as a family. it's kind of working but also not really. they're trying their best

they're all a good family and they have to stick together and they're messed up but they love each other!!!! that is all thank you and goodnight ladies and gentlemen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[boydeviil]

{   LORENZO   ZURZOLO   ,   CIS   MALE   ,   HE   /   HIM   }   way   out   here   in   the   ozarks   ,   i’d   never   expect   to   find   PARKER   MURPHY   ,   the   TWENTY   year   old   PART   TIME   BARTENDER   /   STUDENT   at   the   SILK   AND   SATIN   /   COMMUNITY   COLLEGE   .   on   the   afternoon   of   september   4th   ,   HE   was   WITH   FRIENDS   AT   CRESCENT   INK   but   i’m   not   sure   i   believe   a   word   they   say   .

hm   ...   f   -   finally   ?   hi   i’m   bailey   &   i’m   kind   of   a   piece   of   garbage   ,   but   i   mean   well   uwu   .   this   is   very   bare   minimum   as   much   as   it   pains   me   ,   someone   who   writes   like   novels   if   not   stopped   ,   but   i   really   wanted   to   get   it   out   so   sacrifices   had   to   be   made   (   i   ..   say   this   as   if   i   still   didn’t   go   over   1k   lmao   anywsgdfhdhnf   )

PINTEREST   /   primarily   blood   tw   ,   minor   smoking   +   food/drink   tw   .   also   ,   mentions   of   death   ,   blood   ,   very   briefly   food   ,   smoking   &   underage   drinking   in   intro   !!   nothing   too   descriptive   ,   but   still   there

—   ASSOCIATED   AESTHETICS   .

blood   -   stained   teeth   cracked   wide   in   a   mirthful   grin   as   loud   laughter   rings   out   .   fake   id   cards   tucked   neatly   in   a   shoe   box   ,   ready   to   replace   each   other   after   confiscation   .   holding   up   cigarettes   to   angel   statues   .   sneaking   alcohol   in   between   bible   pages   ,   in   coke   cans   ,   anywhere   .   blood   under   your   nails   but   you   aren’t   sure   where   it   came   from   .   nihilistic   tendencies   as   a   coping   mechanism   .

—   ASSOCIATED   TROPES   .

it   amused   me   .   honor   among   thieves   .   cool   people   rebel   against   authority   .   clandestine   chemistry   .   troubled   ,   but   cute   .

—   QUICK   STORY   .

prideful   and   stubborn   ,   thinking   yourself   on   top   of   the   world   for   no   good   reason   .   from   a   young   age   ,   you   believed   that   you   could   be   untouchable   if   you   put   your   mind   to   it   .   always   the   rambunctious   boy   on   the   playground   ,   spinning   tales   to   your   classmates   and   creating   schemes   which   landed   you   on   the   dreaded   timeout   wall   ,   everyone   either   flocked   to   you   or   steered   clear   .   understandable   ,   you   would   think   as   you   grew   up   .   you   were   an   acquired   taste   ,   and   that’s   something   you   took   satisfaction   in   .   your   mom   soon   found   scolding   only   spurred   you   on   more   ;   negative   attention   is   still   attention   ,   a   terrible   mindset   to   have   ,   but   what   you   adapted   .   tough   love   is   evident   in   your   posture   ,   the   way   you   speak   ,   it’s   what   you   know   .   what   many   thought   to   be   a   boyish   phase   didn’t   change   as   you   got   older   .   if   anything   ,   it   got   worse   .   your   schemes   elevated   ,   all   for   the   risk   .   all   eyes   on   you   .   it’s   like   a   heightened   middle   child   syndrome   ,   some   could   say   .   you   aren’t   sure   if   you   can   disagree   or   not   ,   but   you   would   sooner   bite   your   tongue   and   swallow   the   blood   than   admit   it   .   the   more   phone   calls   to   your   mom   ,   the   more   frustrated   with   you   she   became   .   understandable   ,   you   think   again   .   however   ,   you   didn’t   stop   .   like   always   ,   it   grew   with   you   ;   a   scab   you   couldn’t   quit   picking   ,   an   aching   tooth   you   kept   prodding   with   your   tongue   ,   bruises   you   kept   pressing   fingers   against   in   order   to   see   if   they   still   hurt   .   you   never   learned   .   not   how   they   wanted   you   to   ,   at   least   .

on   your   thirteenth   birthday   you   got   a   chemistry   set   —   your   mom   wasn’t   sure   if   it   was   worth   it   at   first   ,   knowing   you   spent   more   school   hours   in   suspension   than   in   a   classroom   ,   yet   the   way   your   eyes   lit   up   told   her   it   was   the   best   purchase   she   made   .   little   did   she   know   you   would   catch   small   fires   from   mixing   things   together   ,   because   you   were   bored   or   because   you   wanted   to   see   what   would   happen   ,   even   if   you   had   an   idea   of   the   possible   destruction   .   but   ,   despite   all   the   clashing   ,   your   mom   loved   you   .   you   know   she   did   or   else   she   wouldn’t   have   dealt   with   you   like   this   .   only   a   mother’s   love   could   adore   such   a   nightmare   like   you   .   as   a   teenager   ,   you   gained   a   more   notorious   reputation   .   in   and   out   of   the   local   police   station   ,   mostly   for   juvenile   crimes   ,   but   constantly   skating   on   thin   ice   .   we   all   die   one   day   ,   you   would   say   with   a   laugh   ,   let’s   have   interesting   stories   for   when   we’re   six   feet   under   .   despite   your   failings   ,   purposeful   or   not   ,   you   maintained   well   enough   grades   in   school   ;   specifically   in   sciences   .   chemistry   really   was   the   love   of   your   life   ,   next   to   unbridled   mischief   of   course   .

taking   a   break   year   after   high   school   graduation   ,   you   found   a   job   as   a   bartender   at   the   local   strip   club   .   it   wasn’t   what   you   wanted   to   do   for   the   rest   of   your   life   ,   though   it   was   good   to   pass   time   .   you   eventually   enrolled   in   the   community   college   for   chemistry   ,   but   it   still   left   you   feeling   restless   and   unfulfilled   ,   wanting   more   than   this   small   town   life   .   maybe   you   paid   too   much   attention   to   the   legacy   your   grandfather   left   (   perhaps   another   bad   mentality   of   yours   )   ,   or   simply   you   were   reading   too   many   comics   and   watching   too   many   crime   films   .   but   the   wild   idea   of   pharmaceutical   chemistry   for   an   ,   admittedly   ,   less   than   savory   gain   had   worked   its   way   into   your   head   a   few   times   .   no   one   knows   exactly   what   you   get   up   to   when   you   shut   them   out   to   mess   around   with   chemicals   ,   however   would   anyone   be   surprised   if   you   went   completely   off   the   rails   ?   the   answer   came   sooner   than   you   expected   ,   just   not   in   the   way   any   imagined   .

you   had   an   argument   with   your   mom   again   .   you   slammed   your   bedroom   door   like   a   child   ,   causing   your   out   -   grown   signs   to   rattle   at   the   impact   ,   angry   and   hurt   by   the   stinging   words   thrown   back   at   you   …   yet   again   too   prideful   and   stubborn   to   say   it   .   she   loves   you   ,   you   reminded   yourself   .   she   wants   what’s   best   for   you   .   and   the   bullshit   you   kept   pulling   ?   not   it   .   if   she   wasn’t   so   well   liked   ,   you   were   almost   certain   you’d   been   kicked   from   college   before   finishing   .   you   didn’t   mean   it   ,   you   didn’t   mean   what   you   said   —   you   never   do   ,   do   you   ?   words   come   out   hot   and   hastily   before   your   brain   can   stop   them   .   sometimes   you   can   blame   the   booze   you   stole   ,   most   times   you   can’t   .   when   she   turned   up   ,   dead   ,   you   felt   sick   and   violently   so   .   your   nihilism   turned   itself   up   in   order   to   protect   you   .   we   all   die   one   day   ,   your   own   words   echo   back   in   your   head   .   it’s   maddening   ,   and   you   just   have   to   cope   . 

how   do   you   cope   ?   you   aren’t   sure   .

—   QUICK   FACTS   /   HEADCANONS   .

place   of   birth   :   veritas   ,   missouri date   of   birth   :   august   8th   ,   1957 astrology   :   leo   sun   ,   sagittarius   moon   ,   gemini   rising   ,   aries   midheaven

positives   :   confident   ,   innovative   ,   steadfast   ,   fun   -   loving negatives   :   impish   ,   discontented   ,   boisterous   ,   intense

mbti   :   entp enneagram   :   type   8

romantic   orientation   :   demi   -   biromantic sexual   orientation   :   bisexual

dog   person   !!   would   absolutely   get   tackled   by   a   police   dog   and   be   like   omg   what’s   their   name

has   an   eyebrow   scar   cause   that’s   cool   ,   right   ?

favorite   flavor   combo   is   cherry   &   vanilla   ,   but   mint   &   chocolate   is   close

honestly   that   one   kid   in   class   who   makes   the   teacher   go   “   i’ll   wait   ”

a   nightmare   luv   …   but   he’s   trying   to   keep   his   vibe   …   acts   like   he   doesn’t   care   ,   actually   cares   a   lot

uhhh   i   project   this   onto   so   many   of   my   characters   ,   i’ll   admit   it   .   but   like   ,   he   has   gotten   a   nosebleed   after   stepping   into   church   before   jdfhbjdhnf

big   “   god   has   a   lot   to   answer   for   ”   energy

[carmen-berzattos]

I'm really curious to see what you think of the episode once you watch it because I thought it wasn't that bad tbh

Hey nonnie, so I just finished watching the episode and I’m ... conflicted. I’m conflicted by my reactions towards this show since the Michael’s return SL ended tbh. In the first 7 episodes, I so obviously disliked the storylines and where it was headed but afterwards my reactions were not so resentful. I became a lot more ... conflicted because the writing is not obviously bad or bad bad, it just became confused, unfocused, rushed and somewhat inconsistent. Somewhat, being a generous qualification on my part tbh. So, I’m gonna try to break it down here. Keep in mind, though, that I haven’t given a ton of thought to what the show has had to offer in a while now. It seemed futile to me, primarily, but also, because I’ve been far too busy to actually spare too much energy here. Nonetheless, here it goes:

 First and foremost, the romance in this season fell on its face in a lot of way. Starting with the main romances of Petramos and Jafael.

1. Petramos: In a lot of ways, the trouble of Petramos is a lot easier to spot for me, a little more obvious, and a little less complicated than jafael’s, more contained than Jafael’s. Probably due to the shorter history of the relationship. I think the controversial revelation that Petra’s been lying to JR about Anezka this whole time was detrimental to the relationship in a nearly unfixable way. To fix it would need care and finesse and patience and build-up. JtV has always had some trouble with all of that, what’s with it being so dramatic and over-the-top, but I think it’s struggled to achieve nuanced writing especially this season. In that way, Petramos’s writing has been doomed since the very start of the season. Like fine, okay, you went ahead with the Petra lying, something that I won’t even get into how unlikely it seems to me, but the relationship needed a LOT more care than what they gave it. Having JR choose to get back with Petra so prematurely only to have them break-up later on did NOT do the writers any favor. Their reunion was rushed, their build-up was quick and a lot of it off-screen. And then their break-up was a disaster writing-wise. It wasn’t heartbreaking, it was angering and insulting to me as a viewer who has functioning braincells thank you very much. It was done for drama and did not really follow coherently, especially with the add-on of Petra wanting to propose and all that. It just fell on its face. For me, a much better way to deal with the situation would have been to let their season 4 break up land throughout the first half of the season, then come up with a reason for a rekindling, a tentative alliance, a careful build up that leaves me squealing like a schoolgirl when they reunite. Have Petra go through the journey of getting over JR in the first half, have her go through that character growth, and THEN reunite them. And here’s the thing, I’m still about 99% sure that Petramos is endgame, but we’re literally supposed to get the reunion and the endgame in ONE episode, an episode that’ll largely be about Jafael so like... IDEK man. This’ll be really hard to sell beyond the aesthetics of two gorgeous people getting together on your screen. 

2. Jafael: I have SO many conflicting emotions about Jafael this season. Don’t get me wrong, I love them, I ship them. I always will. And we did get some really good material over the course of the season, but boy oh boy, do I have problems with how this is all panning out. First and foremost, the treatment of this relationship with Michael’s return has been disastrous, and i think we can all agree on that. Like okay, fine, you want to reach this point of breaking up. Okay fine. You want to reintroduce the love triangle. Okay fine, but pray tell, what the actual fuck was that treatment of the storyline? I was genuinely excited about the potential for angst that this’ll give Jafael. I wanted the pain and the heartbreak, I wanted Rafael to be the one to break up with Jane because he just does not want to do this anymore, but the way they went about it was confusing to me. For example, I loved the idea of “Rafael got his memories back, too”. I thought that was clever, but to me the trigger of it was not as clever. Remember back in season 1 when Raf proposed and then he saw her laughing with Michael and that kind of contributed to sending him spiraling? Yeah, I needed something like that. Something to remind Rafael and the audience of this journey, a physical evidence of that trouble in front of him. We got none of that of course. And then we had to deal with the whole Mateo thing and Mateo’s feelings and involvement and it was so not the right focus. It lacked feeling, it lacked heart, it lacked things that were genuinely a part of the core of Jane as a show. The whole point of Michael returning was supposed to be the emotional baggage of it all, but it turns out JtV was truly not at all equipped to handle something with that complexity. So the break up was a bit of a mess in that regards and I’m just... yeah. Let’s just leave it there for now. 

Because what was even more aggravating than the break-up, is their reunion. I’m not gonna get into the whole thing about Raf’s depression here (see below the section about characters), but what I will get into here is, how in fuck’s name did we get a whole reunion SL without even a glimpse of what, exactly, was going through Raf’s mind as he went through therapy? Like just how? How did he come to not trust her? How did he come to realize that he’ll always love her? What the f was going on in his mind this whole time? Was he pining in his own way, too? Okay, fine, you don’t want to give us this storyline about his depression (why thank you, fuck you too), but can you uhhh, IDK give us a SL about them getting through their issues. Remember Jafael in season 1 and 2 going to therapy to hash out their trouble? I miss those days. I’m honestly beyond flabbergasted that they did not immediately march into a therapist’s office and try to fix their trouble. That would’ve made their whole journey come full circle. It would have helped dissect their problems. His and hers. How they’l move on. How they’ve grown together. You know, the kind of stuff you do when you tell a person that you don’t trust them anymore but you also really love them? Remember the proposal episode? Yeah, how the F did we not get a we’re going to therapy SL afterwards? And now, in 5x17, Raf is like I’m not worried about MIchael trying to win you back again, anymore. And I’m like, k, cool, but why? We have seen very little development in that regards, can you please explain it better? Can you please show me more? PLEASE? But I guess not, and it is what it is now. 

In a lot of ways, Jafael’s trouble is that the show is trying to cram 2 or more seasons worth of buildup and SL into half a season, half a season whose focus has been disastrous to say the least. So yeah, the reunion has been tainted for me with a lot of trouble. And now, thinking about it, I actually can’t find very clear ways in which Jafael’s journey this season could have been fixed wih easy and simple shuffling of certain events. To truly make it pop, they NEEDED to delve deep into Rafael’s mental health, which is not a simple fix in itself. Otherwise, this only partially satisfactory stuff is all we are left with. In my mind right now, I think I would have gone much farther back, though, and tweaked their story to maintain the Michael returns SL without it making the story so bland and aggravating. I think I wouldn’t have let Jafael get together at all in season 4. Rafael, following that breakdown he had with Jane in 4x05 goes to therapy. Jane has a romance with Adam that runs its course. Jafael rebuild their friendship and start to catch feelings again. They’re really falling in love and about to get back together when BAM Michael returns. I think that would have worked for the purposes of the triangle more. Jane is not really committed to anyone, except now she’s in love with Raf. And it would have made even her choice more powerful. But alas, it is what it is. But even more ideally, IDK, come up with a more creative obstacle than Michael’s return. 

3. Villadero: Honestly, I’m only gonna talk about them to vent, cause I’m MAD, you guys, so MAD and I don’t even ship it. But I’m MAAAAAD. Like just... okay, okay, you take all of season 5 and it’s literally just Jennie shitting on M/J and I’m like what the actual fuck? The blows never stopped coming? Michael returning only to have his heart broken all over again not enough for ya? Having to see Mateo say that he hates him not enough? Oh, no, it’s not. We gotta not only make the book about their relationship a flop (which like, fine, as an aspiring writer it’s cool to see this being a more complicated journey for Jane than an immediate hit) but to also have its publication be a literal bribery? Why?? JUST WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY? And then to imply that M/J where just a step for Jafael and M/C now?????????????????? WHY WHY WHY???????????????????? Remember the show that had Jane worry that her moving on with Raf would make it seem as if Michael is just a step? I want that show back. I just... UGH. 

Characters and characterization is another thing that the show really struggled with this season. Like a LOT. 

1. Petra: I’ll start with Petra because I honestly think she got the better deal out of everyone. This season has really managed to highlight and showcase how much she’s grown and how far she’s come. I think aside from the supposed plan to propose to JR, Petra has been the least inconsistent this season. Though she did have lines that showed real amnesia on the writers part, like telling Jane that JR is the reason she doesn’t lie and manipulate anymore. But oh well, she did well. 

2. Jane: I feel like Jane has lost a lot of her vibrance this season. I can’t really pin point why, but I think it’s a combination of reducing her to her bouts of guilt, the weird way that they’ve dealt with her career this season, fluctuating between utter disregard and then literal cramming of episodes worth of her writing development into half an episode (I mean Ro has FAAAAAAAR more build up towards This is Mars than Jane has with her book) it’s been really hard to see the life that Jane exuded in the past. 

3. Rafael: I’m tired. I don’t wanna talk about it. I’m just tired. 

4. Michael: Also tired. I just wanted him to feel like a person with emotions and trauma but like... *rubs forehead*

5. Xiomara: This makes me the MOST tired. She faded into the background so much I want to ram my head through a wall. Like what the fuck man just what the fuck? The build up of her going to nursing school came from no where. Now she’s willing to go to NY so quickly? No struggle? All the struggle is on Ro’s part? Why just why I don’t understand how the writers who gave us Xo from season 1-4 can just suddenly forget. Even the wrap up of her cancer SL was anticlimactic. It’s just. 

Also, Luisa deserves better. 

Another thing that season severely struggles with is focus. So much screentime for Jorge and Alba and it’s just not that interesting of a SL. So much time for River Fields and literally no one I know gives a flying fuck. So much wasted time, time that should have gone to Raf’s depression, more Luisa, and definitely more Xo. But NOOOO we had to deal with River’s relationship with her daughter and I’m like... who even gives a damn? 

One last thing I’ll say cause I’m too tired to say anymore about this, though I could: where are the magical realism elements in the show? Where has that magical feeling about them gone???????????????

Anyways, let’s see how they wrap it up I guess. 

[notfye]

Tag Game?? Tag Game

Thank you to the lovely @raven2460 for tagging me!!

Fair warning, this is a very long and somewhat depressing post, but if I tagged you, you don’t have to read the whole thing, you can just move on to doing your own :)

Fill the categories and tag some people you want to get to know better!

Appearance:

5’3”

Longish slightly curly hair

White

Brown eyes that I lovingly call dirt colored

brown hair

Chubby? I guess? I’m working on it lol

Also a rather large chest bc of that

Uhhh I have a genetic mutation where I have 2 rows of eyelashes instead of one, double the amount gets in my eyes

I only wear overly large clothing bc I am uncomfortable possessing a human form or I wear dresses w tights bc I’m a fancy motherfucker and there is absolutely no in between

Ponytails like 90% of the time

Personality:

I don’t dislike people but. High school is making me lose my faith in them.

I’m president of my school’s drama club

Also for a theater kid I am very not affectionate and I actually was touch starved for like? A while? And I didn’t fucking notice until I got friends who like? Actually hugged me? The fuck?

“God bless the book people, for having words instead of friends.”

I have more “”””””masculine””””” traits than “”””feminine””””” ones to the point where I have A LOT of trouble relating to girls and it’s quite awful lmao

Uhh I project everything onto fictional characters (See: The problems Marius will be facing in She Lit a Fire (depression))

I’m cold all the time

I long after the dark academia/boarding school aesthetic

I cry far more than probably fits with the rest of me

Self destructive tendencies

I like everything so I can’t pick my favorite (singing history English acting chemistry biology reading algebra French classics writing the list goes on and on)

Ability:

I read really fast

I write, draw, and sing

Not gonna lie to y’all I really am one of those theater kids who want to be on broadway more than like, anything else

Knowing an absurd amount about weird historical things

I like to think I can draw hands well

I can memorize quotes (and other things) really fast

I’m really good at being a slacker

Hobbies:

Singing

Drama club stuff

Reading

Writing

Drawing

Experiences:

Uhhhh my life’s boring let’s move on

My life:

Alright only important shit

2009: bane of my public school’s existence. Also I used to have rlly bad insomnia around this time and I would see demons in the middle of the night and I believe that has shaped me as a person (lmao but I wasn’t sleep paralysis cause I could still move around so? Idk mate)

2010 : My second grade teacher was a bitch and she hated me, I continued to be the bane of my public school’s existence

2011: 3rd grade I remember as a v good year, I got sent to the principal for calling a girl a, and I quote, “a bleep”

2012: Wanted to kill myself for the first time ever, for like 6 months probably, yay intrusive thoughts

2012/2013: got sent to an all girls private school, made my middle school experience more hellish than it needed to be, bc again, I can’t seem to make friends with girls, but whatever

But I met my best friend there so? It was worth it lets be real

2014: middle school continues to be sucky

2014/2015: ah, 7th grade, the year when I saw the grade on my math final and broke down crying. Also the year I started slash shipping, truly a step forward. Also the fault of my best friend.

Remainder of 2015: Very anxious! All the time! Switched to a new school! Didn’t know how to function with people! Made a friend group that I think about an awful lot! There was so much drama! I procrastinated on everything and was so worried about getting a repeat of 2012 that I basically worried myself into being anxious all the time and having such a hard time. Still, I’ve been reminiscing about it a lot lately? Idk

Beginning of 2016: still couldn’t rlly human right, I listened to so much Bastille and watched a lot of elentori streams, as I had been doing, probably until gravity falls ended? Idk. Swore to myself that I’d start working towards better grades after February break. Did that. Made myself stop reblogging and liking posts about anxiety & depression and stuff that were harmful. Did that too. Eventually stopped procrastinating so much around May. Went to Delaware. Fell in love with the ocean.

End of 2016: I kind of? Got it together. Learned how to human. Got some friends, started doing drama club stuff, had a rather charmed life for about six months. I also started keeping a journal around this time.

2017: Hell Year I cannot wait to see it die. I made some friends and I really fell very hard for a guy and it was good until about June, when the guy had to go back to where he was actually from (he’d been an exchange student) and I was left fairly isolated for 3 months, because again, bad at making friends. I didn’t do as much work as I had wanted to over the summer and I think perhaps if I had it might have been easier to get back up again. At the beginning of the school year I was bullied and the school had to get involved and it was a rather large mess, and I just hadn’t been feeling very well. I kinda. I mean this is all very emotional for a tag game but it became clear eventually that that guy wasn’t nearly as good of a man as I thought he was and that he kind of led me on for a while and it’s a very long story that I can explain if anyone is curious but the point is that, at the end of this, I feel as though I have lost a large amount of time to him and that I was “asleep” until about November and it was just very very awful for a long time and I’m still kind of seething over it. And I know that I’m much different now than I was before this started and that bothers me a bit because I’ve not only been robbed of my time but also like, the girl I was before all this. Frankly, I often wonder if things would have been better if we’d simply never been friends.

But. The point is that I’m getting better. I’m in a better place now than I was a few months ago. And that’s good.

Relationship: lonely soul

tagging : @eponineinthebarricade @bisexual-eponine @grantaireswinebottles @actualbuckybames @marius-pintmorcy I’m sorry you all had to read that depressing long thing hahaha