#them and use them in sigils but in recent times I've had ones like my physical body has - black-olive-esque surrounded by white - and uh

[blackvahana]

Glad this post came out of queue on the day I was discussing fat bodies and nose rings + chains with him, second being specifically about me wanting to wear one as a symbol of marriage with him

I don't know what exactly happened to make Vahana form go from thick and tall to... almost abtractly proportioned very thin and feminine. Something just changed. You can still tell that I'm the same person, it's the same root humanoid expression... But it just. changed one day

There's definitely something to miss about it. I've always said that the Day Sky is big, I'm... What. 250 pounds now on the physical plane, this body echoes the heaviness and presence of the Day Sky because... Well, there's a lot to be said about disability and binge disordered eating issues which are. my business, but there's something about this body that just... I need this much space. It's hard to talk about what I want to talk about because I look inside myself and hi, all those little parasite things lmfao, but getting past that there's a sense that I need so much space to exist in as the Sky itself

The reason the parasite things are hard to look past is because they fractalise in on themselves making space hard to quantify lmfao but anyway

I just... Lev was around a lot when I was... like how I was before, bigger in the astral. I used to say I was the same weight just different height, no lmfao body dysmorphia I would've been way heavier in the astral w all that muscle and bone in the extra height but... Point is. Embodiment for me involves fatness, there's presence that's needed in order for me to exist as myself. I expand, spill, into multiple bodies, I try to keep myself reigned in and do so obsessively but like... I'm not meant for that

Anyway. Lev was around a lot. That train of thought. Huge bodies (in terms of length, in terms of dwarfing planets), devouring, claiming substance of reality itself as our own... Heavy presence, filled atmosphere, the Day Sky is not empty it is grave with devoured scattering light... He's telling me to get back on track but I don't know if there is a track irt this train of thought. I follow him, I embody him acting as a body for him, something about that spills into fat and muscle and bone. Oh yeah, I have thoughts I want to write on him and veils and using animal parts like consciousness uses meat, and... I've been coaxing him further and deeper into manifested reality bit by bit...

Earlier, I was... I wont say working with the sky, I'm not going to belittle and minimise myself. I was just being the sky, and my body as the wind was hard to be around, immense energy, whatever. Hard to be around as in it was full, the space was basically taken up by my energy, the experience was trying to press into a crowd of bodies, no space, no pushing will get you in.

I guess being the multiple people I am, I'm always going to swing between states that feel right... I cant say the way i was before during DKB years - heavier, more outwardly "masculine" but still NB - isn't feeling... uh... Hmm.

[crowbird]

continuation of this post

Jason was not there for books. He was there for answers and you seemed suspiciously willing to answer. Or maybe that was the paranoia. You hadn't invited him in with eager arms but rather stepped aside and offered to chat over tea.

The bookshop is remarkably ordinary and yet mildly unnerving. Perhaps that's just Jason though, he finds himself, against all reason and judgement sitting across from you. The back of the shop is piled high with boxes and old furniture, a space in the centre cleared for a tea table and accompanying chairs. He stared at the tea in front of him mildly flabbergasted.

"Do you need sugar?"

"No." He croaked.

You nodded sagely, "honey then," and a jar of the stuff was placed on the table before him. He was fairly certain he had never seen honey of that nature before, even if he couldn't explain why. There was no brand label on the mason jar and the honey was rich and golden and yet all the same there was something just a little wrong about it.

Yet he found himself adding it to the tea, a choice that turned out to be a good one.

"What are you doing here?" He finally managed to say, "and how come I couldn't enter before?" The words tumbled out in an embarrassing manner.

"Drinking tea and I have wards up." You shrugged gesturing to your scars, "some use sigils to enhance and in turn others use sigils to guard. I removed them so you could enter."

"Oh, uh, right." Jason took another sip of tea, the honey soothed the frog caught in his throat and he found his voice easier this time. "I didn't mean like right now it's just this isn't exactly the location for a bookshop, I meant what are you doing here as in Gotham. You have to understand how suspicious it is to just appear like this here of all places right?"

You stared at him blankly. Before speaking, "Gotham?"

"Gotham City?" Jason tried, feeling a tad foolish and hoping he didn't come off as mocking.

You paused, contemplated, drank some tea and then shrugged. "Is that the name of this place then?"

Jason looked at you, trying to keep his focus on your eyes and not the curved scars of what he was sure now was some sort of sigil. "Okay, let's try this a different way, where are you from?" He tried again, the absurdity of this situation knocking around his brain as it seemed to eat away at any of his competence.

"Europa, if you want specifics my family is from Bohemia but I've lived in Rondon for the past few years until semi recently due to well... circumstance." You did not elaborate on circumstance but rather said it in a manner that made Jason sure he should know what you were referring to. It was common sense, everyone knew by now, and yet the knowledge eluded him entirely. You had said words and they had meanings he was sure of that much, he just had no idea what those meanings were.

It was Jason's turn to stare. "You mean Europe?"

"No? I mean Europa." There was a confusion then in your tone, the sort found over mispronunciation or a poorly spelled text. "I should assume then this is not said continent but—"

"It's not." Jason said, blunt and a little rude but he was nearing the point of frustration. Frustrated at the state of conversation and how it seemed to be halted so soon after speaking, at the lack of answers, at just, the everything about it all. And despite that he took a deep breath and drank some more tea, and waited for you to speak again.

"Then which is it?"

"America." He said, genuinely and utterly flabbergasted. He knew full well that answer was only partially correct but the technicalities seemed to be lagging in the back of his brain in his attempt to comprehend the conversation at hand. There was a part of him that was positive this was a very very elaborate prank. Or perhaps a scheme to get him unmasked. Even if he didn't particularly hold his secret identity in the sanctity as he once did it was still the principle of the matter.

Yet you were staring at him as if he had suddenly burst into song. Something genuine and serious in your expression.

"What the fuck is America."

crow's note: this is a series now, or a mini series? when I've finished I'll probably compile it into one thing on ao3. also i've decided to refer to the reader in this series as "sigils" so if asked about them in the third person I will address them like such however within the actual story they will remain nameless and exclusively referred to with gender neutral pronouns.

series navigation

[hiswitchcraft]

I am a witch who's trying to get back into witchcraft after an immense amount of burn out. The burn out wasn't due to the witchcraft, it was due to things piling on my brain in general. What sort of things do you suggest to ease myself back into it? If you don't have an answer that's okay, just thought to ask

I've been dealing with this myself and I actually just made a video on it that I really like not too long ago, so I think I can help you!

How to Come Back to the Craft After Burn Out (+ A Guide to doing Witchcraft with Low Spoons) 

I was burnt out in general and because of the craft, particularly because of the way I was filtering my personal practice through social media. I realized a lot of my burnout was tied to pushing myself, and shame. I feel like maybe this is common. This is a mix of both personal and witchy advice, and I may be projecting, but I think you have to focus first and foremost on not rushing back in and getting overwhelmed by adding a bunch of stuff to your routine at once and trying to do everything right or perfect. A good practice or routine is sustainable, not perfect. Perfect is the enemy of good, and also the enemy of done. I've had to focus on this a lot recently. 

With this in mind, you might be wondering where you should even begin when it comes to actually practicing again. Remember to go slow. I’d suggest thinking about what you were doing and interested in before and start practicing and researching whatever sounds the most fun when you’re ready. You could also go over any notes you had about your practice before, if you had a blog or something look at that, etc. You get the idea! It will help you remember and might inspire you. If you really enjoyed tarot for example, you could do that when you feel inspired to. Starting slow is important. if you want go slower you could just do whatever practices you were doing before, or like now, whenever you feel like it. You could also try working witchcraft into your routine. Routine is hard for a lot of people but it doesn’t have to be intense. It can just be adding one thing. That’s all it needs to be. It could be something you do once a month, once a week, when you wake up, after you brush your teeth, only some days or whatever you think will make you feel the best.  

Of course I don’t know anything about your practice but to inspire you and others, here’s some ways you can easily introduce magic into your life. 

Daily divination  A tarot card every morning is what I like to do but you could use any kind of divination you like! 

Meditation  Meditate for a few minutes every morning/evening. Even 2 minutes makes a difference. Also, despite popular belief meditation does not have to be emptying your mind. 

Dream interpretation  Interpret or just journal about your dreams! Honestly journaling in general I think is great for witches. 

Witchy items of the day  Pick out some items to carry on you for the day. This could be crystals or herbs you want the properties of, a hag stone, or other items with properties you want to draw to you or use in your practice. 

Intention in drinks & food!  If you have coffee or tea every morning or day you can stir intention into it. Clockwise for things you want in, counterclockwise for things you want to banish. Or that’s the typical belief/way people suggest doing it. You can also stir sigils into it or add items to your drinks/food with or by intention. 

Enchanting personal care  Another way you can bring magic in your everyday life is enchanting personal care products. I’d do this for added layers of warding but you could get super creative with this and do whatever intention you like. 

Sigils sigils sigils  Sigils are fun to make. You can use them for a ton of other things on this list. Stir them into your drinks. Draw a sigil on your skin using lotion. Write them on your walls for warding. Sigils, sigils, ... sigils! 

Spritz cleansing If you have a hard time cleansing or not a lot of energy right now when you DO have energy you can put together a mixture for cleansing using a spritz bottle and then you have it done and ready to go ahead of time for many cleansing sessions. Beware of herbs and things you add if you have any allergies/pets. Actually just research any plants you handle anyway. 

Layering your wards  If you’re struggling with burn out right now you probably don’t have a lot of energy so this is a tip I like for when this happens and just the long term overall. Always add small layers using different methods to your personal and spacial wards. An example of this I love is some of the above, carrying an item with strong protective properties or writing sigils on the bottom of your shoes/sewing them into your clothes/etc are some other ideas I love. Customize as needed! Be creative! 

Basically just think of things you do everyday and try to make it witchy! Or think of practices you want to do more, like maybe cleansing, and figure out how to make it easier. 

Also I did mention research. I think in addition to picking a practice to try again or add to your routine, picking a topic to research that sparks interest may help too. Here are some ideas for that!

Intention 

Cleansing 

Charging

Grounding

Warding 

Circle casting 

Consecration 

Visualization 

Meditation methods 

Divination types (some are listed below)

Tarot 

Oracle cards 

Lenormand 

Pendulums 

Runes

Scrying

Astrology 

Palmistry 

Dream interpretation 

Spell types & spell construction 

Taglocks 

Sigils 

Other symbols & what they mean

The Theban alphabet 

Color magic 

Moon phases 

The Elements 

Correspondences of days, times, etc 

Crystals 

Moon water

Black salt

Plants, herbs, and spices in witchcraft  

Local plants 

Local history & folklore 

Pantheons & their deities 

Deity work

Spirit work

Astral projection 

Hope this helps 💕

[sheydgarden]

Question: I am ethnically Jewish, though not culturally (complicated family history). I read your book on the roots of Antisemitic origins of Solomonic magic and wanted to ask:

If working with the Ars Goetia as entities themselves may be problematic: could reframing and restructuring the paradigms to re-imagine the listed demons and create new demons to work alongside be a better solution? I do enjoy the recent demonological work I’ve started but seeing some of the origins, it makes me wonder if my workings could be adjusted by basing my rituals in values I personally have and reframing it away from the work found in Solomonic Texts.

You had said in your Zine you yourself had worked to strip the Antisemitism from the Solomonic Imagery and parts of the practice and I was wondering if you had any advice on that process because I do find it fulfilling to ritually work alongside entities like this but am wondering how to do it in a better way?

hi! i'm gonna answer this one publicly so that i have something to refer folks to here when they ask me this same question (which i've gotten before), hope that's cool! also, apologies for the length of reply, but that's what happens when you open this particular box with me, haha.

i'm just gonna give it to you straight (and this is my opinion, of course, i know there are plenty who disagree with me! but you asked me) - i don't think there's anything you can do to "Solomonic" magic to render it not antisemitic. the antisemitism isn't a nasty veneer you can scrape off to get at some good stuff underneath - it's baked in. the entire premise of a book about a "powerful Jewish magician" who worked with Christian demons (who themselves are just a mish-mash of names & concepts from various cultures) is antisemitic. in the case of the Lesser Key specifically, we're talking about a book most likely written & distributed by Christian clergy (that's who had access to the education & tools required!) who were at the same time actively contributing to Jewish genocide. it's the foundation of the thing.

when i talk about my sigil artwork that uses grimoire-inspired imagery, i'm talking purely about holding onto an aesthetic, a visual language of lines. i can take out antisemitic visual signifiers easily because i'm only working with an image out of context. i don't think it's possible to remove antisemitism from the concept or the practice of Solomonic/ceremonial magic, at least not without completely altering it at its core - and then why bother basing anything on it at all? (i'm a Jew, not a western occultist, so i haven't tried)

i think really considering what exactly it is you've been getting out of this might make things clearer for you in terms of how you want to proceed. if it's the "Jewish" flavor, there's a whole world of actual Jewish folklore & mysticism, complete with demons of our own - you mention having Jewish ancestry, but not being culturally or religiously Jewish, so i would definitely recommend making a connection to Jewish community & learning a lot before you dive into any kind of Jewish spirituality. if it's just the concept of calling on entities via ritual work - why these? why not your own inventions? the demons listed in the Lesser Key were pretty much invented during the Renaissance, even if some of their names come from older sources. occultists combined, embellished & invented them to fit into a Christian theology, using a faux-Jewish origin story in order to lend them both more credibility (in a time when Jews were literally equated with demons!) and some spicy exoticism. i'm pretty baffled as to why so many folks still want to base a spiritual practice on that, beyond the fact that they're considered cool and/or sufficiently edgy if you grew up Christian.

if i'm being more blunt here than i was in the zine, it's because we're solely in "personal opinion" territory, and my honest opinion is that whatever folks find enjoyable about ceremonial magic could be better put to use in a framework that leaves Judaism alone entirely (and either honestly calls itself Christian - which it historically is - or creates a new cultural/religious system to operate under). i hope this was helpful - thanks for taking the time to read it!

[thedeafprophet]

Uh hi idrk how to sound normal in asks lmao but. I am curious. About more of your thoughts/opinions/theories on Scarlet Hollow? I played it for the first time recently but don’t really know anyone else who has besides like the one person who got me to play it XD

(Also your post about diagetic text boxes as subtitles for a hard of hearing PC sent me, I love it so much it’s canon to me)

hi you are sounding perfectly fine in ask XD i know at least a few flondon people who have also played it

So, as it stands right now, I don't have a lot of solid theories that arent vague, for one major reason: I don't think we have enough information to concretely theorize yet.

We have a lot of good buildup (something with the sigils, something with a curse maybe? something to be free from, that we're drawn here, suspicious incidents with the families death, non human creatures, Sybil being sus as all hell, whatever the hell the entity is etc), but we have yet to be provided with anything that would give us any solid conclusions. This is by design, i imagine starting next chapter as we explore the manner things will begin to unravel.

So my basis is like this 'the previous scarlet family members Did Something that put some sort of curse/trapping on the family in some sort of magic situation with some sort of consequences, all of those are beginning to unravel now for some reason'

beyond that, I really dont know! I have faith for black tabby to pull off the mystery, lots of good inklings, but a solid theory on whats going on? nada. One thing i will say is i expect black tabby to be doing their own things, and will be far more creative then to do like, a 1:1 with christian mythos or something lmao. theyve said that with the sucess of slay the princess theyll be able to 'get weird' with scarlet hollow which is very exciting

I have a lot of mini inklings and suspicions but that about it XD

ie. Sybil affecting the players thoughts, family curse, whatnot. Oh i also think it'd be interesting if whatever is possessing 'Wayne' could be able to body hop..... much to think about

thank you thank you. i've had fun considering that my scarlet hollow pc could also be hard of hearing like me. Ive toyed with the idea that the magic interference (ie the ghost miners in chapt 2) would mess with their hearing aids on a frequency level, so thank goodness for magic textboxes to help them

if u have any specifics you'd wanna chat about feel free to ask XD

[sandandlightning]

A Rose by Any Other Name Would Cause The Author a Logistical Nightmare

As I begin to write new posts I have come to something of a conundrum. In the past, while there was still a fair bit of name variation, it was easy to settle on my favorite Egyptian modernizations. 

Now, however, all of my ritual work uses Goetic names, while communion and prayer I use any number of different ones ranging from their myth and pantheon of origin, the goetic, to modern nicknames. Which begs the question what to use here.

I had decided to leave the name of the blog as ‘Temple of Set’ even while changing the icon to the Sitri Sigil. It seemed a strange change to make given Set was already venerated in Satanic spaces and that is more or less what led me to where I am now. It seems a bit more natural in the cases of Set and Anpu, who I have worked with for so long, to refer to them with kemetic names.

Ashtaroth, particularly I really don't know what to do. I have a whole post on her smorgasbord of etymology, and I do have some attachment to her identity as Ishtar, but had never properly approached her until Goetic pursuits. Honestly when I think about her, it's almost like a mental image of both the name Ashtaroth and Ishtar overlayed on each other at the same time. I've been sort of settling for a Ashtaroth | Ishtar denotation for now, but that hits right in the Consistent Formatting OCD.

The same can go for Bune, who has ties to Neith. And I worked with Neith recently as a Kemetic, but I have stronger ties to Bune as an entity, and also the identity overlap, while there, is just less strong from Kemetic to Goetic with Bune than it is for Anpu as Ipos or Set s Sitri.

Meanwhile the Boiz of Abrahamic Origin are just over here vibin, despite the fact that arguably Lucifer has the most convoluted and nonsensical etymological history of them all. And yet is the most normalized? Though at least that has some of the comforting energy that harkens to ‘Set literally trolling historians bc it's funny’ phenomena I ran into a lot. Or the energy of a kicked out kid yelling ‘jokes on u dad Im naming myself after something from those Romans you hate so much, get fucked’.

[elminx]

Spell Walkthrough: Protections and Abundance Magic for an Art Show

I wanted to walk y'all through the practical magic steps that I took before, during, and after the art show that I participated in this Fall. But before I begin, I have a few notes: I am not looking for any critiques here - if you disagree with my methodology, please just keep it to yourself. This magic was highly successful and did exactly as I intended it to. Secondly, all of this magic is done. My spells are complete. The artwork has been made and hung, bought and sold, and the show has been taken down in its entirety. No more money will change hands. That is why I am choosing to share this - do not share your work until it is complete.

This summer, I was invited to take part in a group art show with eleven other artists. It was a great opportunity - both to show my art and to do some practical magic to protect, support, and enhance our art.

I chose to do these workings for a number of reasons. For one thing, art shows successes depend on people showing up and viewing the art, so I knew that I wanted to do work that would promote and draw in people to our show - both people with an eye for enjoying art and people who like to buy art. Additionally, I have had some problems in the past with a witch that I know IRL doing workings specifically against my art business (I assume out of jealousy?) and I knew that I need to protect the show from her gaze and general influence.

I've broken the steps that I took into six parts, each part was a working in and of itself even if it involved other parts of the whole.

A note on materials: For privacy reasons, I'm not going to share every item that I used in the making of these spells. What I will tell you is that other than the alfalfa which somebody happened to gift me with recently, every other herb could have come out of my kitchen cabinet or my tiny garden. I used a half-pint ball jar as a base and the candles that I had on hand. My point here is in showing you that you can do everyday magic with things that you probably already have in your house.

The Sweetening Jar

The goal of my sweetening jar was both to sweeten the artists to each other (to smooth over situations that might arise in planning the show, etc.) and to sweeten our potential audience to us. For taglocks, I used the first and last names of all artists involved as they had said that they wanted them printed on our art fliers, the full name of the show, and the hashtag (#) that we chose to promote the show with. This was a jar spell that needed to work fast, so I used a spiced rum that I enjoy as a base - I added in sugar for more quick luck and honey because it would help to draw and entice people to our show. I also added a few prosperity herbs (cinnamon, basil, alfalfa) that I would continue to use throughout my rituals ahead, some base protection, something extra special to help return any negativity back at its sender, and catnip. I also included a strong sigil that I use to protect against the evil eye.

2. The Protections

My first goal after building the jar was to reinforce the protection component that I had just cast upon it. For this purpose, I burned a black protection candle carved with a particular sigil over the jar while focusing and chanting protective chants. As you can tell by the photo, this wasn't a protection that needed to last for a long time (really about a month and a half from when this was cast), so I didn't go all out - a chime candle was fine for the purposes of this spell.

3. Abundance

Now that I had protected the jar, I wanted to reinforce the abundance elements that I had also included so I burned a money candle over the jar. I included the initial money-boosting herbs mentioned early and a sigil that I use specifically in my prosperity workings.

4. Image Protection

My second goal was to protect the images of my art that were going to be hanging in the show. I printed a copy of each piece of art and marked it with two protective sigils that I use with great frequency. I let them charge under the sweetening jar during step 3 and then sealed them into a black envelope that I adhered to the inside of my junk journal. I used sigils and other symbols of power as well as some clever journaling techniques to further obscure the envelope from view. While doing this I focused specifically on hiding these images from the views of people who did not wish me well, were jealous of me, or would otherwise do something to sabotage the show.

5. The Trap

A day after I sealed the images that I thought I was going to use in the show, I changed my mind so I now had an image that I would want to share on social media that I did not want to be used against me by somebody who wished ill for me about this show. I decided to use that piece as a trap - weaving a defensive spell to get somebody who felt intense jealousy over my successes wrapped up in their own shit so that they could not use it against me. I cannot explain how I did this any further.

6. Success

Lastly, a few nights before the opening of the show, I built what I would call a Success/Money bowl for our show. I used the same types of ingredients that went into the sweetening jar but also included things meant to grab the eye (gold glass glitter) and orange and sunflower for happiness and success. By now I had the fliers for the show so I used that as the main taglock for the spell. I charged the bowl with a yellow beeswax candle and kept the sweetening jar in the bowl for the entire duration of the show, working it daily.

Final Thoughts: This sequence of spells worked really well. I think that it worked well to tie them all to one object (the sweetening jar that I made as the first step in these workings). Our show was widely received, well attended, and every artist at the show made their money back or more. Additionally, despite the twelve of us having to work closely to make this happen; there was very little drama or stress.

I honestly wish that I had done more, not less. My intention when I started working these items at the end of August was to work on them weekly, if not daily, but I was waylaid pretty significantly by the worst bout of depression that I've had in years and I had to spend a lot of my time managing that instead of doing magic.

It all worked out, though.

[kiwibirdlafayette]

wherever I go, there you are.

a little syndisparklez freewrite oneshot, takes place in the earlier half of Isles/where I've watched up to and a follows this drawing

enjoy :] Havent written fic in a while, but i needed a change of pace from arting for a little

“I just want you to be happy.”

The waves lapped up against the shore of the lighthouse atop Tom’s island, a soft and steady rhythm alike to the delicate tap of drumsticks against cymbals. Contrary to what they had thought would happen, the god’s arrivals had brought with them an almost uncharacteristic silence about the land- the kind of one that might force people to face truths and emotions that had long been left unaddressed since they had arrived on the island.

Tom looked up to the soft oranges, pinks and blues of the setting sun, running his hand through his dark amber blonde hair. He had burnt it to that color from its typical blue before coming into the past- a practice reminiscent of the way it had been when Dianite was around and would use it as a cruel indication of how it was, perhaps a punishment meant to remind him of a state which he had not been in since he was human.

A state where according to all he had known until recently, he had not been anyone.

Tom bit his lip. “What do you mean by that?"

He turned to the man sitting up on the rock beside the staircase he sat on. Tired and worn dull purple eyes he had gotten lost in more times than he could count, scraggly black hair that always felt soft between his fingertips, wearing a velvet red coat no longer imbued with its blood magic sigils that he loved to run his hands across to feel its power, to pull off and-

Tom stopped himself. It was all too easy sometimes.

Jordan sighed, turning his gaze down to the weathered stone. “I want you to be happy in some way or another, I mean, there’s not much else to it."

Happiness.

The last day they had seen each other before Tom had left back to Astrakheins for them to take a break from each other, Tom had said he wasn’t happy where he was. And Jordan had agreed. And so they left.

After falling through the void, they had, to Tom’s initial surmise, landed back in their first realm. A familiar place, having a nostalgia that both welcomed you with open arms, but exposed scars of battles fought long ago.

Back to the first place he had called home post-revival, back to the land of finding his friendships, back to the world where had left behind the corpse of the god that had saved him in the first place.

To Jordan it was home, but to Tom it was just a cruel reminder of what had been. His heart was his home, he carried that with him. He had tried so long to be the Dianite the realm needed him to be. But he knew it wasn’t where he belonged. It wasn't a place he could settle down for good

And maybe it just wasn’t the right time.

Tom fiddled with the epaulets on his shoulders. “But I am happy.. Now! Like, I get to hang with you and Kyle, and sure my gods not perfect, but-”

Jordan scoffed watching Tom count off things on his fingers. "You and I both know that's not what I’m talking about.”

“It’s not?”

For the first time in this particular conversation, Jordan looked up and stared Tom down dead in the eyes. While the outward expression spoke irritation over him not getting what he was trying to imply, there was a violent yearning behind it, something so familiar of what Jordan had always been like. Possessing a kind of reaching, grasping for any semblance of what he sought since he had come to the island. Yet at the same time, still avoiding closeness the best he could, always in a state of pretending to be absolutely annoyed and perturbed by the zombie’s presence.

And Tom would have believed that they through for good if he hadn’t been able to recognize that, even way before Jordan had come over to his house in the dead of night to confess in a sleep deprived stupor that he had missing Tom all this time, and that he was tired of dancing around what had been, and what he so desperately wants back, but feels like can’t because it isn’t what Tom wants.

Selfish, was the word he had used. Him wanting to be with, to have Tom was selfish of him.

Unfortunately, Tom hadn’t gotten a chance to clarify himself. Maybe now was meant to be his chance.

He watched Jordan continue to fidget with the collar of his shirt, and run his hand around his neck, just like he had the first time Capsize had suggested they had a thing for each other. Nothing like a habit you can’t quit, clearly.

Jordan’s nervousness came through in the strained tone of his voice as he spoke undeniably what it was he was dancing around this whole time. “I want you to be happy.. with me, ok? It’s like I've said before, it’s selfish because I don’t know if you can be.”

“Jordan-” Tom stood, climbing up the side of the rock to put himself right next to Jordan, who swung his legs around as if he was ready to jump off the weathered stones that made up the base of the lighthouse, and run away from an answer he might not like.

Tom wouldn’t let him. He reached out to grab the captain’s hand, who swatted it away.

“You deserve someone who can make you feel unconditionally loved, Tom.” He curled his hand into a loose fist. “Especially after all you’ve.. maybe we've been through and.. I don’t know if I can be that for you anymore."

If Tom hadn’t known any better he’d think Jordan had found someone else and this was his last attempt at making their temporary separation a permanent one. But the desperation in his voice was so strong to Tom it was almost like he was waiting for him to just kiss him again right then and there.

Jordan paused to look at Tom before turning his back to him. “I know there’s so much more out there for you, but I don’t want to accept it. I want to keep fighting for you, to be the light that brings you to a place that makes you happy, safe, and feel home.”

Tom watched as Jordan’s gaze rose past him to take in the sight of the completed lighthouse to the light at the precipice, the part he had owned after Tom had begged him to build it for him.

He had the light, Tom had the house.

Much to Tom’s surprise, when he tried to reach for Jordan, this time he didn’t lean away. He let the zombie rest his hand softly on his shoulder, almost leaning into the touch.

Jordan spoke under his breath, as if he was scared of what he had wanted to admit. “Thing is, I want to try. I so desperately want to try to be that.” His hand floated down from his neck to his other shoulder. “I don’t want to just leave what we had all behind because… fucking shit, you mean more to me than you’ll ever know. And I don’t know if you’ll ever get it.”

“No man, see I don’t think you get it.” Tom took the hand that had come to meet his on Jordan’s shoulder. No matter how many times it had fallen apart or tore at the seams they always seemed to fit perfectly together. Aside from the soft song of the sea breeze, and the mechanical clink of the rotating light of the house coming to life in the fading sun as evening arrived, there was a silence that if the gods had listened closely, they could hear perhaps a reawakened spark, a newfound life in the forces of chaos and balance within their champions that had been long since ignored.

“Y’know if you weren’t always so dramatic, and just given me the chance to yknow, answer you that night I could’ve told you.” Tom met Jordan’s eyes with a soft smile. “There’s nothing else I need to feel loved or whatever-"

He let himself drift closer to Jordan, who for once welcomed the closeness with an openness he hadn’t possessed in a while. “I already am happy with you.”

[spyridonya]

Kadira (Favorite)

Catlin(Newest)

Eidon (Aloof)

Abgail (Oldest)

Illyanna (Outgoing)

Zofar (Meanest)

Mavelith (Softest)

Luca (Dumbest)

Xanna (Smartest)

I was tagged by @dujour13

Favorite -Kadira WotR

I think you all know Kadira, she's my current favorite and so much of it is due to entering a fandom again after being sort of isolated due to lack of interest?

Newest - Catlin 5e (but using Pathfinder deities)

One of two twins, Catlin had the miserable luck of being born a girl and suffered through a lot of misogynistic bullshit in her life. She became a ranger (Gloomstalker) and lived in isolation when she was 17, though when her brother was injured and turned a new leaf, she went out to see if she could help him. There's a lot of unspoken angst and anger between them, with Catlin feeling her brother is the golden child.

Oldest - Abigail 3.5/5E

I've had this one since I was 15. Abigail is a half elf bard coming from a place where half elves are not liked, who would have known? Her father woke up one day to find that his former human paramour dropped a bundle of joy off at his doorstep, and he couldn't deny he was the father due to sharing the exact coloring. Abigail became a bard to seek her own fortune. Currently I use her on a 1-on-1 game with a friend of mine. She's currently dating half orc woman who kinda knocked Abigail off her feat.

Meanest - Zofar 3.5/5e/WotR??

Zofar is a Planescape based aasimar that's gone through a few changes since their creation. They originally started as a fighter and fairly masc woman in 3.5e but when I made Zofar again as a LN paladin for 5e, I realized they were genderfluid (they/their). Zofar lost their family at a young age in Sigil to demons, and has become near obsessed with their defeat. They often recruit squires to help them with their duties but fairly recently they've gained the attention of Mephistopheles who is trying to seduce them ... and he's being pretty successful at it, noting that the Blood War is meant to end demons. I might consider throwing Zofar on the Devil Path and be super indulgent. Anyway, Zofar is mean, distant, and brutal to demons and mostly grumpy and standoffish to non-demons. It used to be all fiends but a certain Lord of the Eight is buttering them up from that.

Softest - Mavelith 5e

A Goliath Barbarian (and rogue) standing at 8'2/249cm with easily 400lbs of muscle on her frame, Mavelith 'Twice Living' Kalagiano is the tallest, strongest, and among fastest among my OCs. She is also the Team Mom and is the most gentle, kind, and noble person on the team - as judged by the other players in the game she's in. Born in a backwater tribe of Goliaths and an excellent hunter, Mave was shunned after her stillbirth and postpartum depression when she was 18 by her tribe. She was taken in by halflings and when she recovered, she worked for them and learned some of the of the trade before heading off to adventure. I really adore her character arc from a shy, uncertain woman who becomes a hero and makes peace with her past. As of now, she's off to smack the shit out of a local lich and is engaged to orc chieftian.

Most Aloof  - Eidon Kingmaker

Eidon is a Slayer/Eldritch Knight who is my grumpy tiefling Baron who refuses to really interact with people because he's never quite gotten over the death of his sister and the survival guilt that came with it. With a Cha of 8, Eidon is attractive but his stoic personality and distant nature drop kicks that in the face. He eventually becomes more open as the game progresses, with major events happening in the middle of the game that makes him realize if he doesn't start to care about others, it would be like losing his sister again - but even worse. He won't be the only one handling the anguish and pain this time. He also opens himself up to caring and loving others, and understanding that love isn't always returned, and being open minded to people he'd never give a first chance to.

Dumbest - Luca 5e/Golarian Setting

This guy is interesting! He’s not a PC and he’s not an NPC I used for my games, but I made him associated with my other character, Illy, to make her life seer misery. Luca is an aasimar paladin of Sarenrae (the Redemption subclass in 5e) who is tall, golden, beautiful, and sweet. He embraces forgiveness and love, and likely forgives far more than Sarenrae is happy with. Illy fell head over heels in love for him when she was 15, and he taught some of her art classes in seminary school, having no idea that Luca was in a two year relationship with her parents. He had no clue she liked him as such, and she had no idea he was secretly seeing her parents. She took psychic damage upon finding out. My DM loved Luca so much, they tossed Luca at my RPG group and they all fell in love with him. (Though, the DM is trying to make Luca more straight than I'd like...) Anyway, Luca is dumb as a doorpost. Like. Super dumb. Int was his dump stat and I asked the DM to play it even lower, so he really should be a 7. But he's absolutely pumped up Cha and Str, though he leans more as a magic user than smiter.

Outgoing - Illyanna 5e/Golarian Setting

So. She is the original red Shelynite tiefling. And unlike every other tiefling I have, her upbringing was great is not traditional! Illyanna is the born out of wedlock daughter between a tiefling Paladin of Shelyn who was courting a half elf priestess of Callrista. Illy's father adopted Illy and few ever questioned the parentage. Though they never wedded and lived separately, her parents remained together and maintained an open relationship. However, they were fiercely devoted in raising Illyanna and making sure she had everything she needed and could work on earning whatever she wanted. Illyanna wanted to follow in her father's footsteps, not surprising many due to he being the closer parent. However, when Illy turned 18, her home city Korvosa was taken over by Cheliax. Illy entered a rebellion group and had many misadventures (there were occasional WotR cameos). She is a very bright, warm hearted young woman who drops everything - including seemingly common sense - to charge off and stab at evil. Illy, of course, is aware that saving the innocent (and not so innocent) from death is her job and she's well prepared to handle it. Illy is forgiving and fearless with her sweet, winning nature. Though don't ask her to be purposely sexy, she'll fall over her heels.

Smartest - Xanna 5e/Faerun

My second oldest OC on here, and first tiefling! I stopped playing DnD while in college and when I moved out of state, I found friends via joining a DnD group online. Xanna was my first wizard and first attempt at playing 5e. I half expected I'd treat her like I did with 95% of my PCs prior. she'd have a name and class and she be killed or I'd get bored and make a new PC. She didn't die. . Xanna's story became  this, she originally came from Sigil raised by her parents before her contract with her ancestor forced her to work in what was essentially the Office as run by Asmodeus. She eventually escaped Sigil and ended up in Faerun where she a powerful wizard and made another found family. They, too are also about to go kick a lich's ass.

OC You'd Be Best Friends With

Illyanna, no contest!

I realize many people might have been tagged, but I don't want anyone to feel left out -- and do not feel pressured to do this! I just wanted you to know I was thinking of you!

@aparticularbandit, @cassynite, @commander-lariel, @desnas, @imdoingsortagay, @iwoszareba, @lairiend, @silversiren1101, @angrygoatwoman, @turbulentpumpkin43, @torntruth

[multi-lefaiye]

Too many but

🗣 Share your favorite dialogue exchange.

🏝 Share your favorite description of a setting.

💔 Share your most heartbreaking line.

📝 Share the first line of your project.

😂 Share your funniest line (or dialogue exchange).

🤯 Share a surprising line, or one where a character realizes something.

👤 Share a line that shows a character’s personality.

🫂 Share a line (or dialogue exchange) that shows the relationship between two characters.

not too many at all! thank you! :D

gonna put my answers under the cut since this is a bit long!

🗣 Share your favorite dialogue exchange.

“I don’t have your resumé on hand right now, but why don’t we do an interview right here? God, fuck, I hate thinking of questions on the spot--okay, what kind of experience do you have?” “I worked at Publix for a few months when I was 16?” “Okay, yeah, that works perfectly. You might actually be a bit over-qualified. Okay, can you tell me about yours- MOTHERFUCKSHITGODDAMMIT.” "Shit, I'm sorry!" "I'm fine, I'm fine. You know what? Fuck this, actually. You're hired."

this is once again from a tftgs thing <3 whoops-

🏝 Share your favorite description of a setting.

Calling the gas station’s break room a break room was truthfully a bit of a misnomer. Really, it was a glorified closet, but the owners had made it clear on multiple occasions that they weren’t interested in shilling out for an actual break room, so it was all they had. So, the employees of the gas station made do, and over time they’d managed to really make the closet feel homey. There was no table, but they’d managed to get their hands on some folding chairs and set them up in a small circle, and a couple of boxes in the back served as rudimentary storage for anything people wanted to keep there. At some point, one of Jack’s coworkers (probably Jerry) had even taken the initiative to hang a little cat poster up on one wall, and someone else (probably Rosa) had hung some Christmas lights to liven up the place.

i swear i do write things that aren't tftgs, please believe me-

💔 Share your most heartbreaking line.

This was far from the first time that someone had looked at Jack and decided he’d failed to meet some standard they’d had for him in their mind, and it wouldn’t be the last.

okay i think that's the last tftgs one i'll share at least for this ask ASDFJK;L i need to prove i write other things.

📝 Share the first line of your project.

this is one of my favorite lines i've written tbh, even if i need to rework the wip it's for.

It’s the dead of night when the monster climbs out of their shallow grave.

😂 Share your funniest line (or dialogue exchange).

Henry then heard a groan and looked to see, in the center of the various objects Addison had spread around the circle of chalk sigils, there was a completely nude man unconscious on the floor of his apartment. The man was handsome in a rugged sort of way, with long, sandy-brown hair and a body riddled with various scars. For a moment, Henry just stared at him. Then he asked the question that was nagging at the back of his mind. “Why the fuck is he naked?”

hehe <3

🤯 Share a surprising line, or one where a character realizes something.

i've shared this bit before, but a bit from fragile things:

Putting a word to it was a relief. He finally knew what was wrong--he just wasn’t a girl like he’d been raised to be! However, this opened the door to a whole new world of possibilities and unknowns, and those frightened him deeply. Giving his problem a name made it real, not something he could shove under the rug and ignore. He was a boy. He was a boy, and that was fucking terrifying.

👤 Share a line that shows a character’s personality.

For the past hour, Roach had been playfully arguing with Yara about something technical that Oliver didn’t quite understand, something specific relating to the editing software they’d started using recently. Syd chimed in now and then, but for the most part, they stayed out of it, occasionally sharing bemused glances with Oliver. He smiled back at them each time, but he couldn’t keep his eyes off Roach for long. Even with his lack of understanding of the subject matter, something about Roach when they were this passionate was captivating. Their grin was wide, and they gestured with their long-fingered hands as if to emphasize each loud, delighted word.

this is from oliver's perspective, but i think it's a good show of roach's personality <3

🫂 Share a line (or dialogue exchange) that shows the relationship between two characters.

Finally, the monster speaks. “Who… are… you…?” The monster’s throat burns with every word as though they’ve eaten glass, each syllable a bloody smear against their chapped lips. The man chuckles. “I am The Raven.” The words mean nothing to the monster, but they can tell the title means something to him. “And I am your savior.” For a long moment, the monster simply stares at him, analyzing him. Eventually, they ask the only question they can think of. “Who… am… I…?” “Who you are doesn’t matter,” The Raven tells them, voice condescending as though he is speaking to a child. “What matters is what you will become.” The monster blinks a few times, uncomprehending. “Be… come?” The Raven does not elaborate.

yeah <3

[thewaywardbruja]

How I Started My Witchcraft Journey:

I started my witchcraft journey a few weeks after my grandma got ill. I have always been interested in it, its always been a part of me, I just never knew it had a name. I have been fascinated from a very young age, but I was never allowed to act on it.

I spoke to my mentor, who is a very well versed Kitchen Witch, and whom I had been talking to about witchcraft and showing my curiosity for it, for a while I was just scared... and my husband accepted this path, that I was taking on. It was because I wanted so badly to speak to my grandma again. But the prospect of doing spells terrified me. So I started with Tarot cards. Daily draws to learn the cards and get more confident in my craft. To figure it out.

I have always had psychic and clairvoyant abilities and something was always calling to me but I never listened until my husband and mentor showed me that I could have space to find myself. I've had experiences my entire life that where Witchy, I just never realized that was what it was.

So for about three months I dug myself into tarot, any book I could find on witchcraft, hedge witchery, because my mentor said that was where I fit in best, and I enjoyed learning, I love researching new things and I kept journals of all of it.

I practiced daily rituals that my mentor had showed me, and did exactly what she said to do. And it got my confidence up a lot. I practiced making protection charms, and cleansing my area and altar where I did my tarot readings.

I made the guest bedroom upstairs my altar, and I cleansed it every time I did something witchy, I learned and picked up tarot quite quickly, and my mentor told me that I had a gift for divination <3

I started writing weekly letters to my grandma at work, just explaining how much she had missed and how much I missed her. Just short little notes. My mentor explained I could use spell work, and send them to her through the universe. I was excited and happy!

But she explained that I had to be extremely careful. She told me exactly how to do it properly. It was at this time that I discovered that White my spirit guide was still with me as well, and had always been at my side. I asked her to join and protect my grandma, she did <3

I did a few spells, after that, sent them to my grandma, with all good intentions, and hope beyond hope that they got to her. But as the weeks have passed, nothing has changed, and - from what I've gathered from White, it doesnt look like my grandma is coming back. Her dog, that my aunt euthanized is beside her in spirit now as well and White likes to go and hang out with her. There isnt much I can do now, except keep sending letters, and keep hoping. Its been 5 months now, since I started my witchcraft journey, and 5 months since my grandma fell ill, and its been a rollercoaster but in a lot of ways, she showed me this life change, she brought me to this part of my life journey, and for that, I will be forever greatful <3 Maybe it was her last gift to me. And I shall cherish it for my life.

Every week I was learning something new about withcraft, about tarot, about anything I could possibly put my mind to. I fell more and more in love with it every single day. ( I still do ). My husband even told me that he's noticed a change in me for the better as well <3

I just recently discovered pendulums, runes and sigils and have been making use of them as well, and I love it.

I love doing spells, now too. I dont do huge ones but I love adding the herbs and lighting the candles and everything, its just so special.

I've even started meditating more, and listening to witchy instrumental music, which I love to do when I'm spell casting or doing divination.

I love collecting and foraging as well, I collect bird feathers and pretty flowers, and things that I can use in my craft which has been so fun too. <3

Its been such a wonderful, and beautiful journey so far, I am so blessed, and happy I chose this path, this way of life. Its changed everything for the better, and I feel wonderful.

I am so proud that I had the courage to make a life change, and do witchcraft, and I wouldnt change it for anything. And no one will stop me from practicing. I'm doing it for all of the right reasons, I dont believe in hexes or curses, and my magic, I only use to heal or help people. What could be better? I just am so happy now.

But the thing I love the most about witchcraft? is how its entirely YOUR own practice, and you can craft and do whatever you like to make it your own, you dont have to copy someone else or even be like them at all, and that to me is wonderful and freeing in itself, and I adore it for that too.

I'm not in it for the views, or the clicks, I'm in it seriously and deeply as a complete lifestyle and thats what it is to me, I take everything about witchcraft extremely seriously <3

My life is falling into place, everything is going in the right direction as well, and I just am so glad that I chose this path, I feel like I'd be lost without it. <3

I am in love with the witch I am becoming, and what its doing for my confidence and mental health. Its been truly amazing. I also am learning self-love and healing through it as well, from the shadow work I've been doing, so theres just so many positives I couldnt be more blessed <3

[nfumbewalk]

Hmm.

Here is a nice altar picture, though I blocked the sigils drawn on the candles. No one's business but my client.

Don't know what to think...lost a follower. Oh well! I move on. Gen X'er types like me don't really give a shit. 😂 One candle is white, one is yellow

Things are so great on the magic & muerto fronts! My magic with Rodolfo is spot on with our client. She asked for longer work because she loves the energy she's getting! Nice. I'm using 7 candles & 6 glasses of water and the power is so strong. When alone, I generally use 3 glasses of water & 4 candles, but more if using a circle spread.

The ones pictured here are in a semi-triangular form, though it's hard to see from the photo. When triangles are used, it signifies "putting the muertos to work." I learned this from a book on espiritismo. A good one! One that I read recently, "Mesa Blanca" Is a recent shit book!! Anyhoo! Good thing it was Kindle Unlimited! This has saved me tons of money!!

Some may wonder why water and so much of it, and the same with the candles? The water quenches the spiritual thirst of the muertos, it helps their desires become clear, and also gives them enough emotional fortitude to stay and visit. The flames give them life energy and sustenance for as long as they can visit. No one knows about this, because I've received this from the muertos from channeling as I write.

I'm going to drop some info to my therapist. He's very, very interested. I was thinking the other day - ppl seem into necromancy these days, but in the occult field, NO one is REALLY doing the REAL thing! Yeah - talk to the muertos & it *may* work - your planchette on your Ouija may move. But does a solid muerto walk behind you and whisper "Howdy," in your ear, while feeling his hot breath? Or scratch at the bathroom door trying to rouse you for attention? My muerto is well behaved. Some may not be.

I'm getting more ideas for my book and I'm jotting things down. It's going to be an almost massive feat to get my book going but...my husband just started updating his freaking *sweet* laptop for me!! Woot! 😁 It's not brand new but it was only lightly used & it's a ThinkPad! 💖 Love those since I had a 286 or 386 version back in the 90's! Now I'll have a legit word processor. Cool!

So, ppl probably wonder why ppl like me love muertos. Hard to explain, really. It can get spooky at times, but not for me. I'm not scared of any muerto. I've encountered Rodolfo's muerto friends.

And a ton of other muertos! When you're as psychic as me, you get used to this stuff eventually. Ppl get super interested when I mention my close touches with death & Santa Muerte. Just two life changing events, but very serious and REAL af! Both experiences changed me.

And my traumatic jail experience as well. 2 weeks is enough! One reason for my therapy visits. I lost a very thick head of hair - now I have very thin, long hair. It didn't grow back like it did after the 2 week coma. Yes, it's 2 weeks with me for some strange fucking reason. 🤷 A hair dresser told me that with trauma, the hair takes a rest. Then when things are no longer a threat, the hair resumes growth. Then you shed hair. It's supposed to come back. After jail, it fell out & never resumed. Sooo...very rarely, I wear my hair down. It's embarrassing.

Welp, that's exposing myself! Oh, I don't care! Might as well be honest because I expect honesty back from others. I despise liars. Like one of my favorite musicians, Johnny Rotten (John Lydon). He had a song about liars. I agree with him. He's an ex-pat Republican. Love him. 💖 Some hate him. Don't care! Music? I'll say: The longest is:

The Rolling Stones, don't even touch their ancient asses! I was raised, fed, and indoctrinated with The Stones since I was born. I know just about everything about the band history. Stones geek. My favorite Stone is Keith Richards (or Richard, in the early 60's). Fuck the Beatles. My mom said the Stones were "dirty and uncouth" and ppl didn't agree with their image & sex appeal. She loved them because of this and her pen pal in England sent her lots of clippings from the papers and magazines about the Stones.

I love: Sisters of Mercy, Joy Division, The Damned, Siouxsie & the Banshees, PiL (Public Image Limited), Southern Death Cult/Death Cult/The Cult, Bauhaus, Peter Murphy, Tones on Tail, Love & Rockets & lots of 90's gothic & industrial like Switchblade Symphony, London After Midnight, Corpus Delicti, Sunshine Blind, Voodoo Church, NIN, Frontline Assembly, Crystal Method & Chemical Brothers. :wumpscut: too, but they're a bit later.

How the fuck did I get on this topic? Hell knows!

Need to talk more necro!

So it goes! 💖💀💖

[mllw-drmtc]

I've had DnD story ideas in my head for well over four years now from one of my many campaigns that sadly ended prematurely, as they are often wont to do. Honestly I just need to get this out of my head because I was sitting on secrets with no-one to tell them to and nowhere for this energy to go.

Without further ado, here's an infodump of lore:

The campaign took place in the Critical Role Tal'Dorei setting, post season 1 and pre season 2, starting in the city of Whitestone. Through a series of shenanigans the players had found a mysterious crate which looked strangely like a coffin¹. What do know, it is in fact a coffin with the body of a recently turned Vampiress.

Enter Griselda Draegil, a demure, young woman who was turned into a Vampire against her will by an exotic and mysterious stranger at a ball. She was originally from Wildemount but her father, not knowing what else to do, was having her shipped to Westruun to consult a priest who could reverse the effects of Vampirism². This however was a ruse, fabricated by the Vampire in question, but we shall return to that at a much later point. The players decided to aid Griselda in reaching Westruun before the next Blood Moon at which point her transformation would be permanent³.

Griselda was being smuggled into Tal'Dorei by a local group of The Myriad, who were hoping to expand their operations into the continent. From what I recall⁴ they used the money they had collected from their last adventure to barter with a local crimelord to buy the crate off him rather than take the crate in exchange for a favour⁵.

Further detours and shenanigans ensued involving puritan sun worshipers trying to shut down a local, rowdy gig. This has little to do with overall plot but I bring it up as it allowed me to sprinkle in some subtle foreshadowing. A player recieved a vision after dealing the final blow to lesser demon, who seemed terrified at the sight of Griselda.

A grove of dead trees daubed in blood and foul sigils of some accursed rite. At its centre a gnarled and wicked tree drinking the spilt blood of sacrifices and something within gestating, screaming to be released upon the world. This was indeed Griselda's true origins, a lieutenant of a God of Undeath created long ago to serve in a coming war between the Gods⁶. Though the players would have no context for this vision at this point in the campaign.

It was after this confusing oracular vision that the players set off on their adventure with a small, oh so paultry sidequest⁷ which we shall delve into another time. For now I shall leave it here.

I found this exercise/exorcism to be rather enjoyable though I have noted my own overly critical eye lurking in the footnotes. I am always striving to be the best of the best, a perfectionist, and if it is anything less than so then I am the worst villain imaginable. I am allowed to make mistakes and they need not be a lesson to learnt but simply that, mistakes.

Indeed, if there is a lesson to be learnt it is that I should be thrilled that I can create such elaborate stories. It brings me such joy, rather than seeing it as a stick to beat myself with why not take a step back and marvel, holy shit I made all that up?!

Footnotes

[1] - I have often found that I'll create something completely off hand and not realise that this is exactly something that players will want to investigate. This coffin crate was entirely a random mcguffin to get them back to the city to go on their next adventure. Inevitably this leads me to discard everything I've planned up to that point and have to rework the campaign from scratch.

[2] - It was at this point that I and the players realised the implications of posting a woman through the mail to a priest. Needless to say I made it canonical that this was not some sort of trafficking ring and that religious abuse was not a reality in this world.

[3] - This was my attempt to create an overarching goal, reach Westruun in one month. I was hoping this would lend itself to giving the players freedom to get there however they wanted, whilst keeping them on some sort of track for my own sanity, and allowing us to have shenanigans and detours along the way.

[4] - It's been nearly four years and so my memory on some details is more than hazy.

[5] - In secret Griselda had worked out her own deal with this crimelord which was why the deal came so easy. A fault of mine as a DM is creating wheels within wheels subplots for my own amusement which then cascade into confusion as soon as the players interact with them. I will forever be a DM who should have written a book instead. I did not want my masterful plans derailed but I want to learn to accept that the best laid plans must come to light and be thwarted by players. A secret is only fun if it is eventually found out.

[6] - The players of this campaign were Level 3 at this point. How they were to contend with a Undeath God's avatar I have no idea. It invovled a lot of debuffing of Griselda early on so she couldn't one shot the party or take all the glory in combat. In hindsight this character suffered from DMPCisms, another sin I am guilty of. I had set Griselda up in my mind as this improably omnipotent mastermind who had considered every contigency and had a plan for everything. There was no room for faults and mistakes, everything had to unfold just so.

[7] - Involving yet more wheels within wheels

[cappymightwrite]

Jon Snow, Manfred & The Byronic Hero: Part 2

Previous Posts: PART 1

Hopefully Part 1 served as a good introduction on the topic and characteristics of the Byronic Hero, as well as how Jon Snow in particular is likely an iteration of this figure. But now we come to the real meat of this meta series — a closer look at Byron's dramatic poem Manfred (1816–1817), and more importantly, its titular character in comparison to Jon Snow. I was originally going to do an analysis and comparison of two key episodes in Manfred and A Storm of Swords, Jon VI, but have since decided to give that its own post... that's right kids, there will be a part 3!

(Detail from Lord Byron, Thomas Phillips, 1813)

So... why Manfred? Why not Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, or The Corsair, or Don Juan, or any other work by Lord Byron? Well, I'll tell you why, my sweet summer children. It's because of THIS:

Manfred/Manfryds and Byrons in ASOIAF, by order of first appearance and publication:

Ser Manfred Swann (ASOS, Jaime VIII)

Ser Manfred Dondarrion (The Hedge Knight)

Manfred Lothston (The Sworn Sword)

Manfryd o' the Black Hood (AFFC, Brienne I)

Manfryd Yew (AFFC, Jaime V)

Ser Byron the Beautiful (AFFC, Alayne II, TWOW, Alayne I)

Ser Byron Swann (ADWD, Tyrion III)

Manfryd Merlyn of Kite (ADWD, Victarion I)

Manfryd Mooton, Lord of Maidenpool (The Princess and the Queen, TWOIAF)

Manfred Hightower, Lord of the Hightower (TWOIAF)

Manfred Hightower, Lord of the Hightower (Fire and Blood)

Like... what the hell, George?

I find this very interesting, very interesting indeed! *cough* intentional, very intentional *cough* And I have to thank @agentrouka-blog for reminding me of the existence of these Manfreds/Manfryds, and thus pointing me in this particular direction. This evidence is, for me, my smoking gun, it's why I feel justified in exploring this specific work. In my opinion, it really strongly confirms that GRRM is aware of Manfred, he is aware of its author — as a literary name, it is pretty much exclusively connected to Byron, it's like Hamlet to Shakespeare, or Heathcliff to Emily Brontë. In fact, GRRM likes it enough to use this name several times in fact, its frequency of use aided by a slight variation on its spelling.

So, as we can see, there are a striking number of Manfred/Manfryds (9!!) featured in the ASOIAF universe, whereas Byron (2) is used a bit more sparingly — perhaps because the latter, if more liberally used, would become far more recognisable as an overt literary reference? Interestingly, though, we can see a direct link between the two names as both bear the surname Swann: Ser Manfred Swann and Ser Byron Swann (note the exact spelling of Manfred here, as opposed to Manfryd). Ser Byron was alive during the Dance of Dragons and died trying to kill the dragon Syrax, whereas Ser Manfred was alive during Aegon V's reign and had a young Ser Barristan as his squire. So, in terms of ancestry, Byron came before Manfred, which makes sense since Lord Byron created the character of Manfred; he is his authorial/literary progenitor, if you will.

But why Swann, though? Is there any significance to that surname? Well, I did a little bit of digging and turned up something very interesting, at least in my opinion. In Percy Bysshe Shelley's poem Lines written among the Euganean Hills (1818), in its sixth stanza, the poet addresses the city of Venice... the “tempest-cleaving Swan” in the eighth line is clearly meant to be his friend and contemporary, Lord Byron, that city’s most famous expatriate:

That a tempest-cleaving Swan Of the songs of Albion, Driven from his ancestral streams By the might of evil dreams, Found a nest in thee;

(st. 6, l. 8-12)

Ah ha! But let's not forget that the Swanns are also a house from the stormlands — stormlander Swanns vs. "tempest-cleaving Swan." It seems a nice little homage, doesn't it? You could also argue that the battling swans of House Swann's sigil are a possible reference to Byron's fondness for boxing (he apparently received "pugilistic tuition" at a club in Bond Street, London). But to make the references to Byron too overt would ruin the subtly, so it isn't necessary, in my opinion, for the Swanns to be completely steeped in Byronisms.

All in all, it would be very neat of GRRM if the reasoning behind Byron and Manfred Swann is because of this reference to Lord Byron by Shelley. How these names and the characters that bear them might further reference Byron and Manfred is a possible discussion for another day! It's all just very interesting, very noteworthy, and highlights how careful GRRM is at choosing the names of his characters, even very minor, seemingly insignificant ones.

(Illustration of Villa Diodati from Finden's Illustrations of the Life and Works of Lord Byron, Edward Finden, 1833)

Now onto the actual poem, and the ways in which Jon Snow could being referencing/paralleling Manfred. First things first, a bit of biographical context. Take my hand, and let's travel back in time, way back when, to 1816, the year in which Lord Byron left England forever, his reputation in tatters due to the collapse of his marriage and the rumours of an affair with his half-sister, Augusta Leigh (plus he was hugely in debt). No doubt, most of us are familiar with the story, but in 1816 Byron travelled to Switzerland, to a villa on Lake Geneva, where he met the Shelleys and suggested that they all pass the time by writing ghost stories.

The most famous story produced by them was, of course, Mary Shelley's Frankenstein (1818) — which may have served as the partial inspiration behind Qyburn and Robert Strong! Byron himself did begin a story but soon gave it up (yesss, we love an unproductive king); it was completed, however, by his personal physician, John William Polidori, and eventually published, under Byron's name, as The Vampyre (1819). But Byron didn't completely abandon the ghost story project, as later that summer, after a visit by the Gothic novelist M. G. Lewis, he wrote his "supernatural" tragedy, Manfred (1817).*

*I've seen it dated as 1816-17, but the crucial thing to rememeber, in terms of Byron's own biography, is that unlike The Bride of Abydos, he wrote it after his departure from England... this theme of exile will come up later.

Manfred is what is called a "closet drama", so is structured much like a play, with acts and scenes, though it wouldn't have actually been intended to be performed on stage. Indeed, Lord Byron first described Manfred to his publisher as "a kind of poem in dialogue... but of a very wild—metaphysical—and inexplicable kind": "Almost all the persons—but two or three—are Spirits... the hero [is] a kind of magician who is tormented by a species of remorse—the cause of which is left half unexplained—he wanders about invoking these spirits—which appear to him—& are of no use—he at last goes to the very abode of the Evil principle in propria persona [i.e. in person]—to evocate a ghost—which appears—& gives him an ambiguous & disagreeable answer..."*

*As in Part 1, more academic references will be listed in a bibliography at the end of this post.

To sum up the narrative for you, Manfred is a nobleman living in the Bernese Alps, "tormented by a species of remorse", which is never fully explained, but is clearly connected to the death of his beloved Astarte. Through his mastery of poetic language and spell-casting, he is able to summon seven "spirits", from whom he seeks the gift of forgetfulness, but this plea cannot be granted — he cannot escape from his past. He is also prevented from escaping his mysterious guilt by taking his own life, but in the end, Manfred does die, thus defying religious temptations of redemption from sin. He therefore stands outside of societal expectations, a Romantic rebel who succeeds in challenging all of the authoritative powers he faces, ultimately choosing death over submission to the powerful spirits.

According to Lara Assaad, the character of Manfred is the "Byronic hero par excellence", as he shares its typical characteristics found in Byron's other work (as discussed in Part 1), "yet pushed to the extreme." As noted above, there is a defiance to Manfred's character, which is arguable also found in Jon. Certainly though, in all of Byron's works, the Byronic Hero appears as "a negative Romantic protagonist" to a certain extent, a being who is "filled with guilt, despair, and cosmic and social alienation," observes James B. Twitchell. I'll come back to those characteristics presently.

As noted by Assaad, "Byron scholars seem to agree on this definition of the Byronic Hero, however they focus mainly, if not exclusively, on the dynamics of guilt and remorse." Indeed, it is only in more recent years that the incest motif, as well as the influence of Byron's own biography, have been more widely discussed. But perhaps the most compelling aspect of the Byronic Hero is his complex psychology. Although trauma theory only really started to flourish during the 1990s, thus providing deeper insight into the symptoms that follow a traumatic experience, it nevertheless seems, at least to Assaad, that "Byron was familiar with it well before it was first discussed by professionals and diagnosed." As we know, GRRM began writing his series, A Song of Ice and Fire, during the 1990s, and character trauma and its effects feature heavily in his work, most notably in the case of Theon Greyjoy, but also in the memory editing of Sansa Stark in terms of the infamous "Unkiss".*

*The editing, or supressing, of memories is not exclusive to Sansa, however. E.g @agentrouka-blog has theorised a possible memory edit with regards to Tyrion and his first wife Tysha.

But if we return back to that original quote, in which GRRM makes the comparison between Jon and the Byronic Hero, his following statement is also very interesting:

The character I’m probably most like in real life is Samwell Tarly. Good old Sam. And the character I’d want to be? Well who wouldn’t want to be Jon Snow — the brooding, Byronic, romantic hero whom all the girls love. Theon [Greyjoy] is the one I’d fear becoming. Theon wants to be Jon Snow, but he can’t do it. He keeps making the wrong decisions. He keeps giving into his own selfish, worst impulses. [source]

As noted by @princess-in-a-tower, there is a close correspondence between Jon and Theon, with each acting as the other's foil in many respects. In fact, Theon does sort of tick off a few of the Byronic qualities I discussed last time, most notably standing apart from society, that "society" being the Starks in Winterfell, due to him essentially being a hostage. Later on, we see him develop a sense of deep misery as well due to his horrific treatment at the hands of Ramsey Snow. Like Theon, his narrative foil, Jon is also a character deeply informed by trauma (being raised a bastard), but the way they ultimately process and express that specific displacement trauma differs profoundly — Theon expresses it outwardly through his sacking of Winterfell, whereas Jon turns his trauma notably inwards.*

*Obviously, I'm not a medical professional — I'm more looking at this from a literary angle, but the articles I've read for this post do include reference to real medical definitions etc.

Previously, I observed how being "deeply jaded" and having "misery in his heart" were key characteristics of the Byronic Hero, as well as Jon Snow — this trauma theory is a continuation of that. Indeed, to bring it back to Manfred, Assaad goes as far as stating that the poem's titular hero "suffers from what is now widely recognised as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)." I am purposely holding off on discussing what the origin of that trauma is, in relation to Manfred specifically, because, well... it needs a bit of forewarning before I get into it fully. Instead, let's look at the emotions it exacerabates or gives rise to, as detailed by Twitchell, and how they might be evident in Jon and his feelings regarding his bastard status.

(Jonny Lee Miller as Byron in the two part BBC series Byron, 2003)

Guilt

Does Jon suffer guilt due to him being a bastard and secretly wanting to "steal" his siblings' birthright? I'd say a strong yes:

When Jon had been Bran's age, he had dreamed of doing great deeds, as boys always did. The details of his feats changed with every dreaming, but quite often he imagined saving his father's life. Afterward Lord Eddard would declare that Jon had proved himself a true Stark, and place Ice in his hand. Even then he had known it was only a child's folly; no bastard could ever hope to wield a father's sword. Even the memory shamed him. What kind of man stole his own brother's birthright? I have no right to this, he thought, no more than to Ice. – AGOT, Jon VIII He wanted it, Jon knew then. He wanted it as much as he had ever wanted anything. I have always wanted it, he thought, guiltily. May the gods forgive me. – ASOS, Jon XII

But I think Jon's sense of guilt also extends to the high expectations he sets for himself, his "moral superiority" in the face of his bastard status, as discussed in Part 1. He feels guilt pulling him in two different directions, in regards to Ygritte: guilt for loving her, for breaking his vows, and potentially risking a bastard, but also guilt for leaving her, for abandoning her, and potentially leaving her unprotected:

His guilt came back afterward, but weaker than before. If this is so wrong, he wondered, why did the gods make it feel so good? – ASOS, Jon III Ygritte was much in his thoughts as well. He remembered the smell of her hair, the warmth of her body... and the look on her face as she slit the old man's throat. You were wrong to love her, a voice whispered. You were wrong to leave her, a different voice insisted. He wondered if his father had been torn the same way, when he'd left Jon's mother to return to Lady Catelyn. He was pledged to Lady Stark, and I am pledged to the Night's Watch. – ASOS, Jon VI "I broke my vows with her. I never meant to, but..." It was wrong. Wrong to love her, wrong to leave her..."I wasn't strong enough. The Halfhand commanded me, ride with them, watch, I must not balk, I..." His head felt as if it were packed with wet wool. – ASOS, Jon VI

This guilt surrounding leaving the women/girls he cares about unprotected also extends to Arya. Yet it was his need to prove himself as something more than just a bastard, by joining the Watch, which initially prevents him from acting, and which also makes him feel guilt for being a hyprocrite:

Jon felt as stiff as a man of sixty years. Dark dreams, he thought, and guilt. His thoughts kept returning to Arya. There is no way I can help her. I put all kin aside when I said my words. If one of my men told me his sister was in peril, I would tell him that was no concern of his. Once a man had said the words his blood was black. Black as a bastard's heart. – ADWD, Jon VI

I think there is a lack of reconciliation between Jon and his bastard status, between what being a bastard implies in their society: lustful, deceitful, treacherous, more "worldly" etc. Deep down, subconsciously, Jon really rebels against it. You can see that rebellion more clearly in his memories as a younger child, less inhibited:

Every morning they had trained together, since they were big enough to walk; Snow and Stark, spinning and slashing about the wards of Winterfell, shouting and laughing, sometimes crying when there was no one else to see. They were not little boys when they fought, but knights and mighty heroes. "I'm Prince Aemon the Dragonknight," Jon would call out, and Robb would shout back, "Well, I'm Florian the Fool." Or Robb would say, "I'm the Young Dragon," and Jon would reply, "I'm Ser Ryam Redwyne." That morning he called it first. "I'm Lord of Winterfell!" he cried, as he had a hundred times before. Only this time, this time, Robb had answered, "You can't be Lord of Winterfell, you're bastard-born. My lady mother says you can't ever be the Lord of Winterfell." I thought I had forgotten that. Jon could taste blood in his mouth, from the blow he'd taken. – ASOS, Jon XII

But Jon knows this truth about himself, he knows that he has "always wanted it", and that causes him so much guilt because he can't allow himself to be selfish in that regard, because to do so would confirm for him his worst fears... that he truly is a bastard in nature as well as birth — treacherous, covetous, dishonourable.

Despair

As he grows up, learning to curb his emotional outbursts from AGOT, Jon appears more and more stoic upon the surface. But beneath that, buried in his subconscious in the form of dreams, you have this undyling feeling of despair, this trauma connected to his bastard status, his partially unknown heritage:

Not my mother, Jon thought stubbornly. He knew nothing of his mother; Eddard Stark would not talk of her. Yet he dreamed of her at times, so often that he could almost see her face. In his dreams, she was beautiful, and highborn, and her eyes were kind. – AGOT, Jon III

These recurring dreams, sometimes explicitly involving his unknown mother, sometimes not, represent a clear gap, a gaping blank in Jon's personal history and his perception of his identity:

"Sometimes I dream about it," he said. "I'm walking down this long empty hall. My voice echoes all around, but no one answers, so I walk faster, opening doors, shouting names. I don't even know who I'm looking for. Most nights it's my father, but sometimes it's Robb instead, or my little sister Arya, or my uncle." [...]

"Do you ever find anyone in your dream?" Sam asked.

Jon shook his head. "No one. The castle is always empty." He had never told anyone of the dream, and he did not understand why he was telling Sam now, yet somehow it felt good to talk of it. "Even the ravens are gone from the rookery, and the stables are full of bones. That always scares me. I start to run then, throwing open doors, climbing the tower three steps at a time, screaming for someone, for anyone. And then I find myself in front of the door to the crypts. It's black inside, and I can see the steps spiraling down. Somehow I know I have to go down there, but I don't want to. I'm afraid of what might be waiting for me. The old Kings of Winter are down there, sitting on their thrones with stone wolves at their feet and iron swords across their laps, but it's not them I'm afraid of. I scream that I'm not a Stark, that this isn't my place, but it's no good, I have to go anyway, so I start down, feeling the walls as I descend, with no torch to light the way. It gets darker and darker, until I want to scream." He stopped, frowning, embarrassed. "That's when I always wake." His skin cold and clammy, shivering in the darkness of his cell. Ghost would leap up beside him, his warmth as comforting as daybreak. He would go back to sleep with his face pressed into the direwolf's shaggy white fur. – AGOT, Jon IV

"That always scares me", he says quite tellingly. From this key passage, in particular, we can see that Jon feels a deep rooted despair at essentially being unclaimed, unwanted... being without a solid (Stark) identity around which to draw strength and mould himself. He's afraid of being a lone wolf, because as we all know, "the lone wolf dies, but the pack survives," (AGOT, Arya II).

This dream points him in the direction of the crypts — "somehow I know I have to go down there, but I don't want to" — which actually does have the answers he seeks because that is where Lyanna Stark is buried. Yet Jon is "afraid of what might be waiting for [him]", and wants to "scream" with dispair because of the darkness. So, this need for a confirmed identity is a double edged sword, which will no doubt be further complicated when his true parentage is revealed.

Elsewhere, Jon's dreams continue to have this despairing quality to them, often involving Winterfell, the Starks, and especially Ned, which is very interesting on a psychological level:

The grey walls of Winterfell might still haunt his dreams, but Castle Black was his life now, and his brothers were Sam and Grenn and Halder and Pyp and the other cast-outs who wore the black of the Night's Watch. – AGOT, Jon IV

Last night he had dreamt the Winterfell dream again. He was wandering the empty castle, searching for his father, descending into the crypts. Only this time the dream had gone further than before. In the dark he'd heard the scrape of stone on stone. When he turned he saw that the vaults were opening, one after the other. As the dead kings came stumbling from their cold black graves, Jon had woken in pitch-dark, his heart hammering. Even when Ghost leapt up on the bed to nuzzle at his face, he could not shake his deep sense of terror. He dared not go back to sleep. Instead he had climbed the Wall and walked, restless, until he saw the light of the dawn off to the east. It was only a dream. I am a brother of the Night's Watch now, not a frightened boy. – AGOT, Jon VII

But it is never "only a dream", is it?

And when at last he did sleep, he dreamt, and that was even worse. In the dream, the corpse he fought had blue eyes, black hands, and his father's face, but he dared not tell Mormont that. – AGOT, Jon VIII

Even Jon's conscious daydreams in AGOT revolve around his dispairing search for a solid identity:

When Jon had been Bran's age, he had dreamed of doing great deeds, as boys always did. The details of his feats changed with every dreaming, but quite often he imagined saving his father's life. Afterward Lord Eddard would declare that Jon had proved himself a true Stark, and place Ice in his hand. Even then he had known it was only a child's folly; no bastard could ever hope to wield a father's sword. Even the memory shamed him. What kind of man stole his own brother's birthright? I have no right to this, he thought, no more than to Ice. – AGOT, Jon VIII

A lot of these early dreams occur in A Game of Thrones, probably in response to his removal from Winterfell... his self exile. But later on in the series Jon continues to have dreams that tie him to the Starks and to Winterfell, ominous and sometimes despairing too. There's honestly too many instances to list, but if you want to understand the root of Jon's existential despair... it's in his dreams.

Cosmic Alienation

Cosmic alienation, now that's an interesting one in regards to Jon, since he definitely hasn't reached this state... yet. Life and his belief in the divine (the old gods) still hold meaning for him, but then he gets murdered by his black brothers. In the show, the writers hint at some cosmic alienation through Jon stating that he saw "nothing" whilst dead, but then they take it no further and generally do a piss poor job of post-res Jon. This characteristic of Manfred coming to the fore in Jon depends on what happens in The Winds of Winter, but I don't think it is at all that far fetched to assume that Jon will return to his body with a darker, altered perception of things.

Social Alienation

In Part 1, I discussed how Jon, like Byron's heroes, could be read as a "a rebel who stands apart from society and societal expectations." On a more psychological level, we can see how this Otherness, stemming from his bastard status, deeply affects Jon and his perception of himself and the world:

Benjen Stark gave Jon a long look. "Don't you usually eat at table with your brothers?"

"Most times," Jon answered in a flat voice. "But tonight Lady Stark thought it might give insult to the royal family to seat a bastard among them." – AGOT, Jon I

In his very first chapter, we see him quite literally alienated from the rest of his siblings, made to sit apart from them, an apparent necessity he seems fairly resigned to. Also in Part 1, I gave examples of instances in which Jon is mockingly called "Lord Snow," as well as a "rebel", "turncloak", "half-wildling", all of which serve to alienate him from the rest of the brothers of the Night's Watch.

Stannis gave a curt nod. "Your father was a man of honor. He was no friend to me, but I saw his worth. Your brother was a rebel and a traitor who meant to steal half my kingdom, but no man can question his courage. What of you?" – ASOS, Jon XI

The above interaction may seem on the surface to be about one thing — whether or not Jon will be of help to Stannis, offer him loyalty etc. — but tagged onto the end we have quite a poignant question: "what of you?" What are you, essentially. Who are you? The truth of his parentage may, in part, solve these questions... but it may also serve to alienate Jon from his perception of himself further. Ultimately, who exactly he is — what he believes in, who and what he fights for, etc. — will be solely his decision to make going forward.

So, the Byronic Hero, certainly in Manfred's case, but also in later iterations, is arguably traumatised by his own past. But regardless as to whether his trauma is related to a mysterious past, a secret sin, an unnamed crime, or incest, aka "secret knowledge", what is clear in Assaad's interpretation, is that the Byronic Hero is "living with the traumatic consequences of his own past and so suffers from PTSD." But why is Manfred traumatised, what is the specific cause of this trauma, or how might it reveal something deeper about Jon's own trauma? Now, here we come to the unavoidable... I'm going to start talking about Byronic incest and the pre-canon crush/kiss theory, and how it potentially parallels certain aspects of Manfred.

I should preface this by stating that I don't think Jon is suppressing trauma because he committed intentional incest with Sansa, but I do think (or at least somewhat theorise that) Byronic incest does come into play regarding his intense feelings of guilt and existential despair.

But still, stop reading now if are opposed to discussions of the pre-canon crush/kiss theory and the literary incest motif as a whole!

(Detail from The Funeral of Shelley, Louis Édouard Fournier, 1889)

Hey there to the depraved! If you aren't already familiar with the theory, here are some previous discussions/metas on the subject:

Full Blown Meta:

A Hidden and Forbidden Love by @princess-in-a-tower

Ask Answers (Long):

Jonsa as a more positive mirror to Jaime and Cersei? by @princess-in-a-tower, with additional comment by @jonsameta

Discussing the theory by @jonsameta

Evidence for pre-canon Jonsa? by @agentrouka-blog

Kissing in the godswood? by @agentrouka-blog

Why don't we read about Jon's reaction to Sansa and Tyrion? by @agentrouka-blog

More on Jon's supposed non-reaction by @agentrouka-blog, with additional comment made by @sherlokiness

A Jonsa "Unkiss"? by @fedonciadale

A hidden memory? by @fedonciadale

Sansa's misremembering by @fedonciadale

Descriptive parallels between A Song for Lya and Jonsa by @butterflies-dragons

Ask Answers (Short) & Briefer Mentions:

Jealous Jon by @princess-in-a-tower

Your new boyfriend looks like a girl by @butterflies-dragons

Like in Part 1, I've tried to cite as much as I could find, but as always, if anyone feels like I've missed someone important or that they should be included in the above list, please just drop me a line!

Now, it's a controversial theory, and not everyone's cup of tea — I think that's worth acknowledging! I myself am not wholly married to it, I'd be fine if it wasn't the case, but that being said, I can't in good faith ignore it when considering Lord Byron and the Byronic Hero. The incest is, unfortunately, very hard to ignore, both in his work and in his personal life. It's pretty hard to ignore in Manfred, for that matter, which is why I've held off talking about it... until now!

All aboard the Manfred incest train *choo choo* !!

First stop, Act II, scene one. Oh, wait, an annoucement from your conductor... apologies everyone, I purposely neglected to mention quite a key detail. Remember "Astarte! [Manfred's] beloved!", (II, iv, 136)? Yeah... it's heavily implied that Astarte is in fact Manfred's half-sister. *shoots finger guns* Classic Byron! *facepalms*

Oh, and that's not all! Let's consider the context surrounding the writing of this work for a moment, shall we? Unlike The Bride of Abydos (1813),* Manfred was written notably after the fallout of his incestuous affair with his half-sister, Augusta Leigh, composed whilst in a self-imposed exile. *spits out drink* Woah, woah there cowboy... what in tarnation?! EXILE?!

*As referenced in Part 1, @rose-of-red-lake has written an excellent meta on the influence of Lord Byron's work (and personal life) on Jonsa, paying special attention to the half-siblings turned cousins in The Bride of Abydos.

Although, as noted by rose-of-red-lake, The Bride of Abydos bears strong parallels to the potential romance of Jon and Sansa, as well as Byron’s own angst regarding his relationship with Augusta Leigh, the context surrounding Manfred seems... dare I say it, even more autobiographical. Because like Byron himself, Manfred wanders around the Bernese Alps, solitary and guilt ridden, in a state of exile heavily evocative of Byron's own — as I mentioned earlier, the beginnings of Manfred occured whilst Byron was staying at a villa on Lake Geneva, in Switzerland... the Bernese Alps are located in western Switzerland. In light of this, I think it's very understandable that some critics consider Manfred to be autobiographical, or even confessional. The unnamed but forbidden nature of Manfred's relationship to Astarte is believed to represent Byron's relationship with his half-sister Augusta. But what has that got to do with Jon?

Look, I don't know how else to put this:

Byron self-exiles in 1816, first to Switzerland, to Lake Geneva, where it is unseasonably cold and stormy — his departure from England is due to the collaspe of his marriage to Annabella Milbanke, unquestionably as a result of the rumours surrounding his incestuous affair with his half-sister.

Displaced nobleman Manfred wanders the Bernese Alps, in a kind of moral exile, where "the wind / Was faint and gusty, and the mountain snows / Began to glitter with the climbing moon" (III, iii, 46-48), traversing "on snows, where never human foot / Of common mortal trod" (II, iii, 4-5), surrounded by a "glassy ocean of the mountain ice" (II, iii, 7). He feels extreme, but unexplained guilt surrounding the death of his "beloved" Astarte, who is heavily implied to also be his half-sister.

In A Game of Thrones, Jon Snow chooses to join the Night's Watch, with the reminder that "once you have taken the black, there is no turning back" (AGOT, Jon VI). By taking the black, Jon arguably exiles himself from the rest of the Starks, from Winterfell, to a place that "looked like nothing more than a handful of toy blocks scattered on the snow, beneath the vast wall of ice" (AGOT, Jon III). But we aren't given any indication that he does this due to incestuous feelings regarding a "radiant" half-sister, akin to Byron/Manfred, are we? And it's not like we have several Manfreds/Manfryds AND Byrons namedropped within the text, is it? Oh wait... we do. *grabs GRRM in a chokehold*

What the hell, George?!

(Lord Byron on His Deathbed, Joseph Denis Odevaere, c. 1826)

But lets get back on track here and take a closer look at that section of Manfred I mentioned at the beginning — Act II, scene one, aka the part where all the incest and supressed trauma really JUMPS out.

So, early in Act II, in the chamois hunter's abode (a chamois is a type of goat?), according Assaad's analysis, Manfred is "hyper-aroused by a cup of wine." The wine is offered in an attempt to calm Manfred; however, to the chamois hunter's great dismay, it instead agitates him and makes him utter words which are "strange" (II, i, 35). Rather than wine, Manfred sees "blood on the brim" (II, i, 25). His sudden agitation and erratic behaviour confound the chamois hunter, who observes that Manfred is losing his mind: "thy senses wander from thee" (II, i, 27). Assaad's analysis of this scene, which she believes "is the most revelatory in the entire play" discloses "a bitter truth: Manfred's traumatic past informs his present life."

We might compare this with Jon, in particular, how his dreams reveal certain bitter truths to do with his past, now subconsciously informing his present. I've already looked a bit at his crypt dream from AGOT, Jon IV, but we see a sort of recurrence of this dream again in ASOS, Jon VIII. The imagery of being in a crypt, somewhere underground, buried, in the dark, a place of ghosts and spirits, is extremely evocative. Indeed, to go back to Byron's own description of Manfred, the setting of a crypt is extremely suggestive of certain bitter truths "left half unexplained", of secrets buried... and we know that's true because the secret of Jon's parentage is hidden down there, in the form of Lyanna Stark.

He dreamt he was back in Winterfell, limping past the stone kings on their thrones. Their grey granite eyes turned to follow him as he passed, and their grey granite fingers tightened on the hilts of the rusted swords upon their laps. You are no Stark, he could hear them mutter, in heavy granite voices. There is no place for you here. Go away. He walked deeper into the darkness. "Father?" he called. "Bran? Rickon?" No one answered. A chill wind was blowing on his neck. "Uncle?" he called. "Uncle Benjen? Father? Please, Father, help me." Up above he heard drums. They are feasting in the Great Hall, but I am not welcome there. I am no Stark, and this is not my place. His crutch slipped and he fell to his knees. The crypts were growing darker. A light has gone out somewhere. "Ygritte?" he whispered. "Forgive me. Please." But it was only a direwolf, grey and ghastly, spotted with blood, his golden eyes shining sadly through the dark... – ASOS, Jon VIII

I don't think it's outlandish to state that, unquestionably, Jon's bastard identity is a source of ongoing pain for him. I talked about the theme of despair in Jon's characterisation and it is very evident in the above, and it stems from this "bitter truth" of not being a trueborn Stark, of not being "welcome", or having a true place. The emotions/mindset this trauma, concerning his birth and identity, evokes in Jon is arguably what brings him, on first glance, so closely in line with the Byronic Hero:

Their grey granite eyes turned to follow him as he passed / The crypts were growing darker = A mysterious past / secret sin(s)

You are no Stark / I am no Stark = Deeply jaded

There is no place for you here / I am not welcome there / This is not my place = standing apart from society and societal expectations / social alienation

He dreamt he was back in Winterfell / He walked deeper into the darkness = Moody / misery in his heart

He fell to his knees / Forgive me = Guilt

He walked deeper into the darkness / Please, Father, help me / He fell to his knees = Despair

These aren't all the Byronic characteristics I've addressed in relation to Jon, but it is a substantial percentage of them, all encapsulated, in one way or another, within this singular dream passage. As far as what is fairly explicit in the text, being a bastard is Jon's "bitter truth", it is the "traumatic past inform[ing] his present life." But what is Manfred's "bitter truth", what past trauma is informing his present? And can it reveal a bit more about another layer to Jon's trauma? Because there is a key distinction — Manfred's trauma, his PTSD, stems from a specific event, notably triggered by the (imagined) "blood on the brim" of his wine, whereas for Jon, we have no singular event, we have no momentus experience, we just have this "truth."

As mentioned previously, Assaad has recognised the character of Manfred as displaying symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). In Assaad's article, she remarks that "an experience is denoted as traumatic if it completely overwhelms the individual, rendering him or her helpless," and this is quite evident in the interaction between Manfred and the chamois hunter. Sharon Stanley, an educator and clinical psychotherapist, writes that "the word trauma has been used to describe a variety of aversive, overwhelming experiences with long-term, destructive effects on individuals and communities."

So, if trauma is related to an experience, or experiences, is it still accurate to say that Jon experiences trauma, connected to being a bastard? Because there is seemingly no singular or defining root experience, or event that it stems from, it just is… it is a compellation of several moments, revealed to the reader through Jon’s memories and/or dreams. What is being "left half unexplained” here?

Assaad makes reference to the American Psychiatric Association's definition of PTSD, in which it observes that for an individual to be diagnosed with PTSD, they have to suffer from one or more intrustion symptoms, one or more avoidance symptoms, two or more negative alterations, and two or more hyperarousal symptoms. The dreams Jon has certainly suggest something, but it seems like a stretch to say that, like Manfred, he is suffering from PTSD, right? We and Jon are very much aware that he is "no Stark", at least not in the sense that he is Ned's trueborn son, this isn’t something Jon is actively suppressing. By comparison, it is incontrovertible that Manfred committed something in the past, which he deeply wishes to forget and disassociate from:

Man. I say ’tis blood—my blood! the pure warm stream Which ran in the veins of my fathers, and in ours When we were in our youth, and had one heart, And loved each other as we should not love, And this was shed: but still it rises up, Colouring the clouds, that shut me out from heaven, Where thou art not—and I shall never be. C. Hun. Man of strange words, and some half—maddening sin

(II, i, 28-35)

However, we cannot be sure what this traumatic point of origin is, though we know that it is related to something he has done to his beloved Astarte, which subsequently led to her death. Many critics have suggested that his sin is that of incest, and as I noted earlier, that Manfred as a whole is more than just a bit autobiographical and/or confessional in nature. Manfred's incestuous sin therefore re-enacts Byron's incest with his half-sister Augusta. But regardless of the true cause, Manfred is traumatised by his past and cannot overcome it. Is there something in Jon’s past, that may have subconsciously, or consciously, influenced his departure to the Wall — his self exile — which he cannot overcome, and which is closely tied to the issue of and pain he feels due to being a bastard, not just the illegitimacy, but also the negative characteristics it assigns? Is there an event, or experience, we can pinpoint as the origin of Jon’s trauma and potential PTSD?

To circle back to Jonsa, there is some, not unfounded, debate amongst us concerning the validity of the pre-canon crush/kiss theory. I've always found it an interesting theory, but until now, I haven't really given it too much thought. In light of the Byron connection, however, as well as the textual analysis I have for Part 3, I think this scenario, as detailed by agentrouka-blog, seems more and more likely. And I don't say that lightly, I really don't. It is a somewhat uncomfortable speculation to make, even if the interaction was more innocent rather than explicit (this is the side I firmly fall down on), however, it’s ambiguity does potentially parallel Byron’s Manfred and Astarte. This post would be even longer if I included my side-by-side text comparisons, so you may have to trust me for the moment that there are some very striking similarities between Act II, scene I of Manfred, and Jon's milk of the poppy induced dream in ASOS, Jon VI, as well as the actual buildup to that vision.

But, that sounds frankly terrible doesn't it? And it doesn't bode well for his future relationship with Sansa, does it? And what does it mean if Jon is suffering from PTSD due to an incestuous encounter with Sansa? What does that mean for Sansa, Sansa who is doggedly abused and mistreated by men within the present narrative? This is awful, why would GRRM root their romance in something traumatic? Oh I hear you, and these are questions I needed to ask myself whilst compiling this. But you see... now bear with me here... it isn't the actual encounter itself that was traumatic, for either Jon or Sansa, and that is reflected in both their POVs, because, though they think about each other sparingly (explicitly at least), it is never done so negatively. No, the potential PTSD Jon suffers from this experience isn't connected to Sansa, to whatever occured between them. Rather, I believe, it's connected to either the fear, or the reality, that Ned, his assumed father, saw and/or caught him (either Sansa had left at this point, or didn't fully grasp the issue), and this fear, this guilt, this sense of despair, is made evident in this passage:

When the dreams took him, he found himself back home once more, splashing in the hot pools beneath a huge white weirwood that had his father’s face. Ygritte was with him, laughing at him, shedding her skins till she was naked as her name day, trying to kiss him, but he couldn’t, not with his father watching. He was the blood of Winterfell, a man of the Night’s Watch. I will not father a bastard, he told her. I will not. I will not. “You know nothing, Jon Snow,” she whispered, her skin dissolving in the hot water, the flesh beneath sloughing off her bones until only skull and skeleton remained, and the pool bubbled thick and red. – ASOS, Jon VI

That's the traumatic experience, I believe, not the kiss — yep, I strongly suspect there was a kiss. Moreover, Jon's recurring assertion, throughout the series, that he "will not father a bastard" is tied to this in some way, it’s tied to Ned, it’s tied to some sense of guilt and shame. It’s not tied to Sansa. But we'll look at this passage, what it means, what it parallels, and what directly precedes it, in comparison to Manfred, a lot more closely next time.

I'll leave you with a slight teaser though — the parallel that made me really sit up and take notice:

C. Hun. Well, sir, pardon me the question, And be of better cheer. Come, taste my wine; 'Tis of an ancient vintage; many a day 'T has thaw’d my veins among our glaciers, now Let it do thus for thine. Come, pledge me fairly. Man. Away, away! there’s blood upon the brim! Will it then never—never sink in the earth?

(II, i, 21-26)

Note this imagery!!!

Maester Aemon poured it full. "Drink this."

Jon had bitten his lip in his struggles. He could taste blood mingled with the thick, chalky potion. It was all he could do not to retch it back up. – ASOS, Jon VI

In both instances, a drink is offered, with "blood upon the brim", and "blood mingled". In Manfred's case, this is an explicit trigger for him, whereas for Jon? Well, it bit more hidden, a bit more buried, but this moment is, to my mind, the catalyst, because its imagery strongly evokes the colours of the weirwood tree — "blood" red and "chalky" white — you know, the "huge white weirwood" he later on envisions.

*spits out drink*

Maybe the magnitude of this parallel isn't completely evident as of yet, but it will be... or at least I hope it will be, so stay tuned for Part 3!

(Starting to run out of Byron pics so... I dunno, here's Rupert Everret, from The Scandalous Adventures of Lord Byron, 2009)

In Conclusion

To summarise, why is the Manfred connection so monumental to me? Why do I find the pre-canon kiss theory, specifically the scenario detailed by agentrouka-blog, now very hard to dismiss? Because:

The nine (!) Manfreds/Manfryds included within the text, as well as the two Byrons, one of which, the first mentioned in fact, first appears in Sansa's POV. But crucicially the direct link made by GRRM between Byron Swann and Manfred Swann.

The strength of the similarities that can be observed between Jon and the Byronic Hero, but also notably to Byron's Manfred, the "Byronic hero par excellence", according to Assaad. Especially the recurring emotions of guilt and despair, the latter exemplified perhaps most clearly in Jon's dreams.

The prominent theme of self-exile to escape something, something that perhaps cannot be openly stated, present in Manfred, Byron's own life, and Jon's narrative.

Those pesky half-sisters: Augusta, Astarte, and Sansa.

The PTSD symptoms clearly present in Manfred, but left "half unexplained", and seemingly not explained at all in Jon's POV — I'll dig more into this in Part 3.

The "blood upon the brim", and "blood mingled" — more on that in Part 3, I hope you guys like in depth imagery analysis!

Obviously, this is all still just speculation on my part, and it's speculation in connection to a theory that is understandably controversial. I'd be happy to dismiss it... if it weren't for the above. So, I suppose I'm in two minds about it. On the one hand, however you look at it, it's more trauma in an already traumatic series... which is *sighs* not what you want for the characters you care strongly about. But on the other hand, that literary connection to Manfred (and by extension to actual Lord Byron), the way it's lining up, plus that comparison GRRM himself made between Jon and the Byronic Hero... that's all very compelling and interesting to me as a reader, as a former English literature student. So, I don't want it to be true because... incest hell. But then, I also want it to be true because then it makes me feel smart for guessing correctly.

But anyway, we're going to be descending into incest hell in Part 3, so... we'll just have to grapple with that when we come to it. I hope, if you stuck with it till the incesty end, that you enjoyed this post!

Stay tuned ;)

Bibliography of Academic Sources:

American Psychiatric Association, Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th edn (Arlington, VA: American Psychiatric Publishing, 2013); online edition at www.dsm5.org

Assaad, Lara, "'My slumbers—if I slumber—are not sleep': The Byronic Hero’s Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder", The Byron Journal 47, no. 2 (2019): 153–163.

Byron, George Gordon Noel, Byron’s Letters and Journals. Ed. Leslie A. Marchand. 12 vols. London: Murray, 1973–82.

Holland, Tom, "Undead Byron", in Byromania: Portraits of the Artist in Nineteenth- and Twentieth- Century Culture, ed. by Frances Wilson (Basingstoke: Palgrave, 2000).

MacDonald, D. L. "Narcissism and Demonality in Byron’s 'Manfred'", Mosaic: An Interdisciplinary Critical Journal 25, no. 2 (1992): 25–38.

Stanley, Sharon, Relational and Body-Centered Practices for Healing Trauma: Lifting the Burdens of the Past (London: Routledge, 2016)

Twitchell, James B., The Living Dead: A Study of the Vampire in Romantic Literature (Durham, NC: Duke University Press, 1981).

[friend-crow]

What would you most closely describe your path as, if you had to label it for the sake of ease of conversation? What led you to it / how did you find it?

OOF! Haha, that's a tough one... I guess if you look at what I'm currently into, there are a lot of themes running parallel to "traditional witchcraft" though I don't really consider myself a trad witch. My practices are fairly eclectic, but I also don't identify as an Eclectic Witch. Maybe if I answer part two of your question you'll have a better idea of what part one would be than I currently do...

I wasn't raised with any kind of spirituality, and while my parents are kind people with friends of varying faiths, they also tend to fall into believing in the false dichotomy of science and religion/spirituality/magic. It's not like they ever told me I couldn't believe in these things, but it was kind of implied, if that makes sense...

So, while witchcraft has always appealed to me, starting from early childhood with fairytales involving witches, it took me a long time to get to a point where I didn't feel like these two things were at odds with each other. It was easier for me to suspend disbelief as a kid looking up spells on ye olde dial up modem, but as a teen and adult it got harder.

As an adult I kind of restarted my journey with general nature worship (it's very easy to believe in nature) and a psychological model of how magic worked (which I haven't entirely abandoned, I still think that divination is a great way to more directly communicate with your subconscious), but I've always had animist leanings, and a feeling that places in particular had their own souls, in a way. Not necessarily a consciousness in the way that humans have one, but in the same way that our bodies are home to various smaller organisms, so I saw these place spirits as a sort of collective of everything living within them.

I have since leaned more and more into an animist worldview, and now recognize most things as having their own spirit.

While divination has always been part of my craft, I now use some forms more for communication with my subconscious, while others, such as my recently assembled cleromancy set, are more for seeking wisdom from spirits.

I also practice ancestral veneration (currently mostly working with individuals who I knew in life, but I'd like to get to know more), miscellaneous spellwork, some herbalism (this is one I keep coming back to over and over, but can never seem to get as far as I'd like), design sigils and incorporate them into paper talismans, and am working on dream work and spirit flight/hedge crossing.

But honestly, a lot of what I do on a day to day basis is just trying to bond with spirits 😅

Alright, I warned you I was feeling chatty. Thank you for reading my novella.

[apoeticparadox]

🌿Hi guys! I'm Lorinda, and I'm a tarot reader! I am an eclectic witch, and I've been (slowly) studying my craft for 14 years now.🌿

⭐My story is a little lengthy, but holds significance. My presence on this earth has been ethereal since conception. For my parents being struggling addicts, it was just about hopeless for them when trying to concieve a child. Trial after trial left them with a wake of miscarriages. My mother finally concieved me about a week after her last miscarriage, a phenomenon that is still known to be (nearly) impossible, but nothing is truly impossible is it? The ultimate Rainbow Baby. I was birthed two months premature, determined to send my mother into labor on her belated sister's birthday. My name was planned to be Meghan, but as soon as I fought my way out of her womb, my mother screamed my name "Lorinda," in honor of Linda Lorraine. Linda Lorraine didn't make it to even one year old, passing away from complications due to my grandmother's alcoholism during pregnancy. Thus magic was born into my very existence.⭐

💀I have a strong Celtic and Lithuanian background from my father's side and his mother is the lovely lady who started my crystal collection with me when I was a child. My mother is very clairaudient, her mother claircogniscent, and I am both as well as clairvoyant. My first experience was when I was 2 years old and saw my dead great-grandmother, telling my mother she had said goodbye, before anyone knew she had passed yet. 💀

☀️I know without a shadow of a doubt that I was sent here, as a star seed, to help others, specifically children. I have been studying psychology and art, and hope to one day run my own art therapy practice with a focus on kids who have difficult backgrounds. I am a writer, poetry being my specialty, and I have works dating back to when I was about 7 years old. I also draw, - especially portraits (drawings of mine can be found under my /myart tag)- my medium of choice being digitally, and I have been working in aesthetic photography for over 10 years (@apoeticparadox on instagram if you'd like to see more of my art and the beauty I see in the world). By the end of 2021 I also hope to have completed and released some musical projects as well as having started up a online thrift shop.🌙

🔮I have been getting my footing in my astrological studies, and hope to be well-versed by the end of this year. I have a fairly in depth understanding of numerology, chakras, and sigils. I've been working with the elements since I was seven years old.. For now I will be specializing in tarot and spell casting. I have been personally reading for 6 years now, and have only recently allowed myself to offer the service to others. I am incredibly empathic and when I had started my journey with tarot, I was very low vibrational due to my lack of boundaries so any time I did a reading for someone other than myself, it left me perpetually drained. Now that I have some strong boundaries in place for myself I am ready to open my services to others. I have been doing spell work for myself for at least a decade, and for others for over 6 years now. I make sure I always practice in a positive mindset, which clear intent and well-focused energy.🔮

🕷I will be offering:

🕸General Tarot Reading ($15)

🕸Romance/Relationship Tarot Reading ($15)

🕸Career Tarot Reading ($15)

🕸Health & Wellness Tarot Reading ($15)

🕸Spellwork that will be discussed and priced according to the type of spell and the resources used to conduct it.

🕸 Also feel free to ask me about art commissions!!!

🖤Thank you for reading and allowing me this opportunity! Please let me know if you have any questions or suggestions!🖤

🌈P.S. if you are interested in my services but fear that you may not have the funds to afford it, I am completely open to using the bartering system! If you have a craft, make art, or specialize in any service that could be exchanged for whatever you need from me, we could work out something different than monetary means!🌈