#their status as a throuple would have to be a secret though (to the contestants at least)

[total-drama-brainrot]

Initially I was thinking that Noah also decided to "date" the two of them to act as a wedge between the pair, because if Heather and Alejandro could ever look past their rivalry and learn to work together they'd dominate the competition. And also because Two Very Hot People are essentially saying he's their 'ideal' partner out of the options presented; this is hilarious and a huge stroke to his ego, of course he's going to play along.

So he's essentially acts as an Aleheather 🐔block and, as a Good Boyfriend (it may be a ruse but he has standards, thank you very much, if he's going to be someone's fake boyfriend he's going to be a Good Fake Boyfriend), validates the two when they go on rants about the other in an attempt to keep their rivalry going, among other things. Which only works to further endear him to the both of them, unbeknownst to Noah, because he's a surprisingly supportive partner in his own weird lazy, snarky way.

When they inevitably discover he's been "playing both sides" so to speak, Noah's pretty sure his goose is cooked. Two of the strongest players gunning for his elimination after learning he's tricked them both? Of course he's the next to go. Except at team CIRRRRH's/the next elimination ceremony (depending on if this is pre or post merge), Noah isn't the one who's voted out? He shoots a tentative glance towards Alejandro only to see the Spaniard already watching him with unreadable eyes. His own dart away quickly.

Alejandro beckons for his "boyfriend" to follow him after the ceremony is finished, leading the pair to the cargo hold where Heather is already waiting. The two corner him against one of the crates and Noah's extremely thankful he rewrote his last will and testament whilst working for Chris because he's pretty sure he's about to be murdered, but the duo explain that they're impressed with his cunning- keeping them at each others' throats with the two of them none the wiser, cosying himself up to the both of them and breaking into their defences, making them both catch feelings for a pathetic little nerd- and want to offer a deal.

Noah can carry on being their shared partner and using that big brain of his to scheme along with them, helping them rule the competition, or they'll do worse than eliminate him (they won't, the two of them are regrettably Down Bad for him too intrigued by him at this point to want him gone, but the threat works).

So he becomes their shared boy toy third partner in crime, a Power Throuple if you will, working together with them to orchestrate elaborate plans that sabotage the others and/or guarantee their next 'victim' is eliminated. And it's... surprisingly fun? He initially landed himself in this situation to abate his boredom, so in the end he kind of got what he wanted? Even if he does initially feel kind of scummy about the whole 'sabotage' thing. Heather and Alejandro justify it as simply being part of the social game- after all, there's a million dollars on the line, you'd be stupid not to play to your advantages.

He's under no illusions that he'll make it to the finale, of course, but he's oddly okay with letting his two partners duke it out at the finish line. That doesn't mean he isn't plotting ways to win the million for himself. But he won't be heartbroken if he finds himself voted out sooner rather than later (similar to how MK reacted to her s2 elimination, he kind of expects it so there's no harm no foul) and he'll be rooting for the two of them to win.

Especially since he's, like, 90% certain he could get whoever wins to spoil him rotten with their prize money. He's going to live out his dreams as a trophy husband.

february has blessed me with The Sickness (i'm down with it) so apologies for not posting much these past couple days

anyway i'm still waiting for someone to write that alenoaheather fake dating au where both heather and alejandro pretend to date noah- the least intolerable person on the plane besides each other- to make the other jealous and noah Lets It Happen because it's funny and he has nothing better to do (he's read all of his books and now he's bored)