#their friendship progression was the best part of the entire show for me

[skyshipper]

TED LASSO ROY & JAMIE + THE TYPES OF FRIENDS EVERYONE NEEDS

[indigovigilance]

The Final Fifteen is about Terry Pratchett's Death

read on Ao3

The final fifteen is obviously a major plot point, and serves a role in a story that was written long before Terry Pratchett was ever diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. But the scene itself wasn’t written until just a few years ago, during the writing of Season 2. In fact, the scene came about during a park bench conversation between Neil Gaiman and John Finnemore.

Others have noted that the non-romantic kiss that signals the story moving into the third act is a Neil Gaiman staple. The function of such a kiss, from Gaiman’s perspective, is to communicate.

In 2023 we are seeing a lot of stories written by men, for men, about men who are best friends and discover that their friendship can go deeper than the norms of society would usually allow; that platonic and romantic love are not so far apart, and perhaps the better word for a relationship that can be described this way is intimacy.

Neil Gaiman has made it clear in interviews that his friendship with Terry Pratchett was deeply intimate. They began collaborating on what would become Good Omens in the 1980’s, endured a tumultuous experience together through the first publication, wherein Neil offered to martyr himself on behalf of Terry if the book failed, and then spent the better part of two decades touring the world, meeting the people who loved their work. Neil would even off-handedly remark that Terry’s fans were so cheerful, and Neil’s seemed like they were ready to kill themselves; wouldn’t it be nice if they got married? From the outside, it looks very much as if Terry was Aziraphale-coded, and Neil was Crowley-coded, working together in an unexpected partnership to make the world a little bit more tolerable for the humans inhabiting it. I am not conjecturing that Neil and Terry had romantic inclinations the way their fictional characters do, but I think it is fair to say that their opposites-attract intimacy became an important part of who each of them were.

In 2007 Terry Pratchett was diagnosed with posterior cortical atrophy, a rare form of Alzheimer’s. As the disease progressed, he began to lose himself, and knew that the person he used to be was slipping away. He wanted to end his life on his own terms, and die as himself, but England did not and still does not allow for voluntary euthanasia or assisted suicide. He advocated for the right to die but never achieved it, and ultimately succumbed to the disease in 2015. Neil Gaiman has spoken a lot on the topic of death, and one answer of his that resonated with me reads:

Mostly it feels terrible. It even feels terrible when it’s someone who has been in a lot of pain for a long time or has not really been there for a long time and you know that Death has in some ways been a blessing: suddenly you are mourning the whole person. 

It doesn’t get easier as you age. It gets stranger. The point where you realise how many people you used to know and like who aren’t there any longer, and you cannot talk to them or see them or laugh with them is painful in a way that I had never expected. The first time that someone you had a romantic relationship with dies and you realise that there had been moments both of you shared and now you are the sole custodian of those moments and one day you will be gone and they will be lost forever is peculiarly strange and hard. 

~~~

The entire show is seeded with references to Terry Pratchett, but the most important one is the one that’s missing. Neil Gaiman cameoed as a sleeping moviegoer in S1E4, but a long time ago, he and Terry had discussed cameoing as sushi restaurant-goers, because sushi was weirdly prominent in the book. That cameo would have been in S1E1. But when it came time to do it, Neil couldn’t. Not without Terry. 

Neil: I was gonna say our location is a Chinese restaurant we’d had turned into a sushi restaurant. So Terry and I, Terry Pratchett and I, had a standing… not even a standing joke, just a standing plan, that we were going to have sushi - there was going to be a scene in Good Omens where sushi was eaten and we were gonna be extras, we were gonna sit in the background, eating sushi while it was done. And I was so looking forward to this and, so I wrote this scene with it being sushi, even though Terry was gone, with that in mind and I thought: Oh, I’ll sit and I’ll eat lots of sushi as an extra, this will be my scene as an extra, I’ll just be in the background. And then, on the day, or a couple of days before, I realized that I couldn’t do it.

Douglas: You never told me this before either. I might have pushed you into doing it, had I known. I think you were right not to tell me.

Neil: I was keeping it to me self ‘cause I was always like: Oh, maybe I’ll be… this will be my cameo. And then I couldn’t. I was just so sad, ‘cause Terry wasn’t there. And it was probably the day that I missed Terry the most of all of the filming - it was just this one scene ‘cause it was written for Terry and all of the sushi meals we’d ever had and all of the strange way that sushi ran through Good Omens.

~~~

In the Final Fifteen, it is clear that Crowley and Aziraphale want to stay together. They love each other. They each know that the other loves them. There’s nothing that needs to be said, no convincing that their bond is true and real and precious.

But Aziraphale has to go to Heaven, and Crowley cannot follow him there.

I cannot speculate what it must have been like for Neil to endure losing a friend who, though I’m sure he desperately wanted to still be in his life, he also knew that life had become a burden to him, and grieved that Terry was not able to choose the time and manner of his departure from this Earth. This sort of complex grief, we fan-ficcers know, is the kind that is often best processed through story-telling. 

I think that what we see Crowley going through in the Final Fifteen, alongside its importance to the story arc of Good Omens overall, is Neil processing his grief at losing his friend Terry Pratchett, and even the kiss, that violent, terrible, awful kiss, was the symbolic representation of Neil saying goodbye.

[liliannadelaphinehartifelt]

Alastor - [ DEVOTION Pt. 6 ]

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Blame my obsession with K-dramas for how dramatic this last angsty part is. Also, to be clear, I do know some of you head-cannon Alastor as a ‘charismatic psychopath’ because of the way he acts in the show but personally I see him as more of a ‘dynamic sociopath’ while he was alive. I’m telling you this because I know authors tend to depict their faves so out of character just to progress the plot of their stories without any logical reasoning behind it. I am not that type of writer and therefore I don’t think my perception of (Human) Alastor is strange. Anyways, enough from me. Let’s get back to our regularly scheduled broadcast shall we?

WARNINGS: [ MDNI ] + [ MENTIONS & DESCRIPTIONS OF BLOOD / HORROR ] + [ PREGNANCY TROPE…it’ll be over soon I swear…] + [ IMPLICATIONS OF A MISCARRIAGE ] + [ DESCRIPTIONS OF A DEAD BODY ] + [ HEAVY ANGST ]

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On a cozy November evening, the Garden District of New Orleans bloomed with life. Its magnificent houses and mansions stood tall in the late-day sun, and the woeful winter breeze passing through the dazzling neighborhood rustled the greenery lining each home.

Many of the Jazz City’s locals regarded the area as an affluent attraction for outsiders to gawk and marvel at, while those who resided there took pride in its beauty.

You considered yourself fortunate to be a part of such a gleaming community, living a subtle life of luxury due to Alastor's wild success, but not entirely involved with other well-kept wives of similar influential figures.

Socializing had never been your forte; though it was required of you in mannerable situations, the constant exchange of loose friendships with strangers never entirely appealed to you.

Although, being married to a renowned public figure with an image to uphold puts you in compliance with the aversion.

Parties, local events, and even headlining musical performances became your routine social appearance.

Alastor was immensely proud to have you on his arm, charming the masses with your soft approach, swooning the newspapers with your angelic appearance and kind public gestures.

You did your best to make a lovely impression on anyone you encountered, wordlessly adhering to Alastor’s commanding ego and polishing the rough edges of his public image with practiced selflessness.

Few knew you personally, and even fewer saw you as a socialite.

Sure, you'd been polite to anyone who passed on the street, made small talk with neighbors, did charity work for those who thought to ask, and even donated effort towards Rosies spontaneous book club meetings every other weekend -though they were thinly veiled gossip sessions she'd orchestrate with fellow homemakers.

There wasn't a single person you could call a 'friend' who wasn't already close to your husband…

How Rosie had managed to crowd her stunning home with so many familiar yet strange faces, claiming to be precisely that -your friend- baffled you in more ways than one.

Yes, these people were acquaintances and admirers to some degree, but your friends?…

You had none besides Alastor, willing to remain by his side in matrimony just as you had from the moment you met him, reluctant to make any other connections since your shared childhood.

It didn’t help that Alastor developed a habit of scaring away new acquaintances behind your back and even resorted to violent acts of service to keep other suitors at bay before your shared vows.

As a result, the happy faces you saw now felt fabricated; every congratulatory remark didn't resonate with your heart, and the more people that arrived to celebrate you and Alastor, the more lost you felt.

They didn't know you.

No one knew you, but they adored your husband and, in turn, fawned over you.

Liars.

Everyone spouted half-truths, mirroring the ones Alastor had been telling you for months, and your heart grew heavier with each one told.

You could manage seeing him falsify his real identity to the public, to unsuspecting strangers, and to posh parasites.

You could handle being put on a pedestal, seen as the perfect wife, and expected to echo his ideal perception.

Lying to others was child's play, a game you two had grown to love, but Alastor developing the need to lie to you wasn't a tolerable offense.

The party began smoothly; guests swooped in with delightful gifts, either handmade or recently bought from the showcases of New Orleans's finest shops; gentle swing music wafted through the air of Rosie’s lavish two-story home that sat only a block away from your own.

She'd gone to the extreme for the whole ordeal: live music, tantalizing food laid out on tables in the parlor, decorations befitting a small ball neatly adorning the house exterior, and the creme de le creme of Louisiana's socialites filling the guest list.

Alastor uttered nothing but praise for his dearest friend's efforts, thanking her for the collaborative success with a broad smile and chaste kiss.

You followed his gratitude with a gracious nod, content with sitting at your designated table now lined with small gifts from an array of affluent attendees.

"My, Rosie, you've outdone yourself again! You even got Anthony and that grump Husk to show face," Alastor chuckled, eyeing the chattering crowd carefully until his gaze landed on the two opposing men.

Rosie hummed triumphantly, champagne flutes in one hand as the other flicked off an imaginary offense, "Oh, come now, Alastor, you know I'd do my best for the occasion! Everyone in town begged to be here. Not every day they get to meet radio's biggest star and his wife!"

She flashed a genuine grin at you, noting the slight glare on your face as you returned it, but said nothing.

Her attention reverted to the man beside her, who continued observing the crowd, sharing passing remarks with Rosie when a person of interest appeared.

You oversaw their exchange, deliberately soft-spoken the whole evening, often having to avert your focus to converse with a couple who'd come to give their gift and admiration.

Still, the minute the guests left to join the party again, you'd zero in on them.

Alastor felt your eyes on him, burning holes into the back of his head despite you sitting down to rest as the party moved along.

He refused to acknowledge your staring, patiently waiting for you to call for his attention rather than assume you needed it.

After ten minutes of idle chit-chat, he was obliged to give it to you, as Rosie excused herself for the time being.

You said nothing as he peered down at you over his shoulder, amber eyes glinting gold under the lowering sunlight pouring in from the opened bay windows behind you, lips curled into a familiar smile that you considered returning for a moment.

It was hard for you to deny how magnificent Alastor looked in the thrall of pride, dressed in a Burgundy suit with cream accents, hair neatly styled to hide his natural brown curls from the eye of others, and his skin glimmering under natural light.

He was beautiful, deceptively desirable even in your eyes filled with one-sided hurt, and you wished to let go and stand by his side with the utmost confidence in him just as you'd done so many times before.

It would be so easy to forget his transgressions then, to fully enjoy the celebration of your children's oncoming arrival together, but as he elegantly turned on his heel to approach you, splinters of suspicion pricked through your forgiving nature.

You wouldn't t let him charm his way out of this.

Enough was enough.

Alastor watched as your expression grew hard, hidden from the festive crowd by his lean frame as he knelt at eye level with you.

To those around you, the gesture came off as romantic, an endearing sight of a husband tending to his pregnant wife, and not the unspoken detachment of trust between a loyal lover and her predatory protector.

Alastor reached for one of your hands, subtly tugging it from resting on your stomach to resting in his palm.

A sickeningly sweet smile plastered his face as he placed a ginger kiss on your gloved knuckles.

His eyes never left yours as he enacted the loving gesture, swirling with unabashed mischief as you dug your nails into his skin, and the slight pain beckoned him to hum with delight.

You were angry and even enraged with him, but you showed it subtly and practiced, and if he were an ordinary man, Alastor would've considered feeling guilty for it.

But your husband was far from average, far from the definition of guilt, and you wouldn't have him any other way because, despite all his faults and evils, you loved him.

You loved him, felt loyal to him, would do anything for him, yet he lied.

He carried on belittling your trust to mere innocence.

Resentment radiated off you in waves, barely drowned out by the party's happenings but settling on Alastor's shoulders with force.

"Is there something troubling you, my dear?" he asks lowly, eyes steady on you as your smile tightens.

"You." is the only word that leaves your lips, laced with lethal rage in the softest tone, and the contrast elicits a rare frown from him.

He lets your response linger, tangling with laughter and music but remaining in his consciousness as he rises to his feet.

A specific anger curls in Alastor's chest, one he seldomly felt for himself, but the look on your face as he rose to his full height above you made it potent.

Something was different; that sweet girl he'd grown to cherish now looked tainted, and now he knew it was his fault.

"Darling…" he began to formulate an inquiry, faltering in his well-tailored demeanor to conjure a suitable remedy for your anger, but his excuses weren't quick enough.

You carefully stood to your feet, forcing a smile before raising on your tip toes to kiss his cheek, smoothing a hand over his suit until it rested where his heart was.

Your lips neared his ear, whispering spiteful words that didn't match the loving aura you showcased to the onlooking guests.

"You, my love, are a heartless lying bastard. Keeping secrets from me, your wife, of all people? Is that what your devotion to me means? Not trusting the woman who loves you? The mother of your children? If it is, then you can burn in hell with satan himself..'

The strain of smiling through your pain began to take its toll.

Tears welled in your eyes as each hurtful word fell on his ears, but you refused to cause a scene at such a lovely event and resorted to walking away from him as swiftly as you could manage.

Alastor was left to stand alone, his jaw clenched and his control wavering as he heard your heels click further away.

A few guests tried to gain your attention, but you quickly and respectfully declined their engagements, barely making it out of their view as tears streamed down your face, but by fate's grace, you found solace in Rosie's kitchen.

All of the cooks, maids, and waiters were absent.

Everyone was upstairs enjoying the festivities, celebrating you and Alastor's happiest time, but here you were.

Alone.

Beside yourself and utterly alone.

You tried to sob quietly, choking back frustrated screams while pacing, but the look on Alastor's face after you'd confronted him about lying brought more tears.

You'd never seen him hurt, taken aback, guilty like that.

He'd always been so perfect in your eyes, composed and deliberate about his presence.

Now, you'd ruined that image, and at what cost?

Would he come clean now or shut you out even more?

Was your anger worth any of it? Was his lying worth it?

Your heart was a mess, desperate to connect with his, but reluctant to it all at once.

“….”

Maybe father was right…

The sound of quick footsteps approaching the kitchen didn't register to you, drowned about by your excessive crying, but another presence was made evident as two gentle arms wrapped you in a hug.

"Oh, honey, come here…" Rosie cooed into your hair, frowning as your cries became hysterical, muffled by the frilly fabric of her dress.

"H-he's been lying to me, Rosie! Alastor…..a-and everyone else in this decrepit city has been playing me like a fool!"

You shuddered violently, trying to breathe correctly despite a filled stomach and a rush of anger taking its toll.

Rosie hushed you gently, letting you cry in her arms until your breaths came steadily.

She ushered you to sit somewhere comfortable as she gathered a few items to help your nerves settle.

"He lied to me," you repeat tiredly, watching as she throws together a pot of tea, using herbs you know all too well.

A sprig of Lavender, sprinkle of cinnamon, bits of rosemary, and a few drops of honey. Finally, a dash of lemon for taste.

This a simple but potent recipe for a calming and effective cup of tea.

Rosie sighs, debating what to say as she lets the mixture steep in a porcelain cup of hot water.

You weren't wrong; Alastor was hiding things from you, and though she hated to see you so distraught because of his hidden deeds, the possibility of hurting you with the truth weighed on her.

Betray, her closest friend's trust, tell his wife the haunting truth and pray she still loves him after hearing it.

Or, keep up the charade he'd so carefully created to protect you, risk driving you mad with resentment, and contribute to the cycle of pain you felt?

Rosie had difficulty choosing which path to follow but soon made her decision as you spoke again.

"Rosie…tell me the truth. Is he…is he seeing another woman? Planning to leave me? To leave us?.." you glance at your stomach, fearful of her answer and terrified your assumptions might be right.

Oddly silent, she doesn't answer your questions immediately and finishes preparing your fresh cup of hot tea, "Rosie, please! Whatever Alastor is hiding from me, I need to know. I…I'm his wife, and I have the right to at least know what's being kept from me. What is he doing out so late all the time? Why can’t I leave the house without him anymore? And for goodness sake, why does he insist I don’t read the paper?!”

The blonde freezes where she stands, whipping her whole body around to stare at you intently, and you stop yourself from rambling seeing her serious so suddenly.

"Al isn't being unfaithful, dear. That I can tell you for certain.."

"Then what in god's name is he-"

Rosie drew closer to you, dawning an all-too-sweet smile you'd learned to dread.

That happy expression was practiced, used only to console your fears or quell any questions you had.

She'd gotten so well at fronting the mask that you nearly began to believe anything she said when it was on, but now you knew better.

You knew that smile meant more lying, and in that moment, you lost the will to trust anyone in Alastors' close circle.

Even Rosie.

"I think it's time you go home and rest, dear. All this stress and crying isn't good for the babies," the blonde moved you gently, helping you stand and walk the expanse of her kitchen, up the stairs, and down corridors until the ongoing party reached your ears again.

That entire trek back upstairs felt meaningless, a distant woeful memory you existed in just to be flung back into reality by Rosie's voice, "I'll go get Al and have him take you-"

Your head snapped up at the mention of the one man who'd caused so much sorrow, tongue poised to speak harshly about him, but your penchant for politeness tempered it.

"That won't be necessary, Rosie. I'll get home just fine on my own."

She balled, clutching the string of pearls around her neck, "Oh goodness no, dear! This may be uptown, but it is still no safe place to walk about all alone. And dare I say, Alastor’s just wouldn't have it-"

"Rosie. I don't wish to see or be near him!.." you hissed as quietly as possible, lips pursed and eyes glaring daggers into her crowded parlor room.

Despite her better judgment, Rosie let the matter go, frowning as she made a heady suggestion.

"Why don't I have a close friend walk you home then? Just in case. There is a murder running 'round, and we can't have you getting hurt or caught up."

There it was again…

We…

You knew she was referring to anyone but you. Alastor, Angelique, her.

Everyone but you seemed to have a significant stake or curious investment in your unborn children's well-being.

The eerie overprotectiveness always made you weary, but at this point, you found it alarming, to say the least.

However, Rosie was right to a point.

There'd been a murder -or several- running a muck in Louisiana’s deep south.

Specifically, New Orleans.

Although the gruesome crimes were frequent, morbidly committed, and consistently reported on by papers and radio shows alike…

No one, not even the expert authorities, seemed to pinpoint a suspect or apparent killer among the public.

All that they knew was the killer's intangible motives, their style, their choice of victims -but nothing substantial enough to apprehend them.

You couldn't care less about a possibility of the Bayou Butcher coming for your head.

Your anger towards Alastor proceeded your worries for personal safety.

Rosie didn't wait for you to come to reason with her observation, already scurrying into the parlor to find your husband and tell him of your wishes to leave.

It irritates you how fragile she, Alastor, and everyone else he knows treated you.

It was as if you couldn't fend for yourself, as if he was the only one capable of cognitive thought in your marriage, and to some degree, the realizations stung your pride.

Traces of anger grew in your heart towards him minute by minute, something you never dreamt of feeling for him, but dreams can quickly turn into nightmares as your father would say…

This moment was that turning point. You could feel the shift as you turned away from the packed parlor, ignoring those who gave greetings as you stalked toward the front door.

Some asked if you needed assistance, and others watched in confusion as you slipped out the door and let it slam shut behind you.

Not many people were on the front porch and lawn, and those who were let you pass through without saying a word.

You presumed they were just waiting for the moment to gossip again, whether it be about you or someone else.

The need to care wasn't one you had, taking brisk steps down the sidewalk under a setting sun as rare chilled breezes sweep the southern heat from your face.

It was convenient that Rosie only lived a block and a half away from you, and Alastor’s shared estate.

The semi-long walk gave you time to think, time to enjoy the scenery around you and get away from the suffocating expectations put on you simply by being the Radio Star's perfect wife.

You scoffed at the thought, trying not to get angry again as your steps took you around a familiar corner, but the negative feeling quickly lessened when you felt a gentle rap of kicks in your stomach.

The twins gave a subtle tussle, sensing their mother's distress, and to some degree, you believed they were trying to cheer you up.

Their tiny gestures worked, putting a smile on your solemn expression and keeping it there to your destination.

You shuffled up the steps to your home, tired, feet sore, and ready to cry again as the large structure reminded you of the man you'd left to endure the company of his admirers.

His.

Not yours.

That had always been the difference.

With a sigh, you unlocked the front double doors, shutting them swiftly as street lamps began to light up and locking the ornate wood panels right after.

It was a habit Alastor insisted on and one you didn't intend to break tonight.

He'd have to come through the back door, and as small as the hassle would be, you still found it a suitable enough sign of discontent from you to him.

With nothing but sleep on your mind, you trudged up the staircase, pulling your gloves off and preemptively pulling pins from your styled hair.

By the time you reached the bedroom, your hair flowed loosely down your back, and your dress zipper was pulled down (by some miracle, you managed to do it on your own).

You tossed the pins on your vanity, jewelry, gloves, and clutch purse, following suit.

Your shoes regained their spot in the closet, your clothes were thrown into the bathroom hamper, and your nightrobe was thrown over your arm as a replacement.

You were ready for bed after one hot shower, a face care routine, and a hair brushing session.

Alastor still isn't home yet…

The clock had struck midnight thirty minutes ago, and he'd yet to show his face.

You half expected him to, but after years of seeing him angry on very few occasions, you highly doubted he'd return without cooling himself down first.

He tended to go hunting as an alternative…which left you alone for hours on end.

Sadness and guilt crept into you as the argument replayed in your mind.

The emptiness of your shared bed did not help your aching heart, and the heavy silence of the house made it worse.

You may have gone too far.

Maybe he wasn't hiding anything, and I overreacted?

Maybe I was wrong to doubt him, to worry and fret over something trivial.

Your thoughts spiraled again, tears filling your eyes as regret got the best of you.

"What have I done…?" you mumbled in earnest, glancing around the room, wishing to apologize to Alastor or at least explain yourself in a better tone.

Sleeping without him felt foreign, unreal, and even like a self-inflicted punishment.

You saw no benefit to it, and you were consumed with worry.

I can’t do this…

With your mind racing but your body ready to rest, you decided that taking one of Angelique's tonics would soothe you enough to relax.

You left the room on a mission, carefully treading downstairs and into the kitchen, and with haste, you found the cabinet holding the container of vials she’d gifted to you every month.

You opened it swiftly, hoping to find what you needed, but the box was empty.

"Oh, for the love of!-" you hissed angrily, shoving the box away with a grimace, but the sour expression didn't last long as you remembered where to find extra tonics.

Angelique was an insightful woman, cautious enough to give you extra in case something like this happened.

Fortunately, Alastor insisted on putting the additional vials somewhere else so as not to mistake them for regular tonics.

You'd agreed to his idea, allowing him to keep them safely locked in the basement, but now you needed them.

Leaving the moonlit kitchen, you drifted into the second hallway, walking straight ahead to the basement door.

Its key hung on a hook to the left, a small silver trinket Alastor kept a tight watch on, and you tended not to mess with it.

That went for the basement as well.

It was his area of the house you stayed away from not only out of personal reluctance but also out of explicit instructions from him.

His reasons for your avoidance ranged from "Trust me, It's too dangerous for you, darling.." to "Just as you have the library as a safe haven, I have the basement as mine…"

You hadn’t thought to question him, having no reason to, but for once, you disregarded his wishes to grant your own.

He'd never know you went down there only to retrieve medicine. What harm could one peek do?

You plucked the key from its hook, unlocking the creaky black walnut door before reaching into the dark abyss for the lamp switch.

Your fingers found it on the left wall, flicking the switch to bring a warm golden light into the damp room.

The steps croaked under your slow footsteps, holding firm under your nearly doubled weight until you stepped onto the cold wooden flooring.

Alastor kept the space oddly clean; a chair sat in one corner, his hunting gear was neatly arranged on one of two long oak tables, and the walls held other hunting equipment.

You noticed most of the hanging instruments were carving aids, something your own father used to cut and properly clean his own game after he went hunting during your childhood.

Seeing the array of butcher knives and other tools did not frighten you; they were familiar and expected from your husband's choice of hobbies.

Nothing caught your attention at first, usual kickbacks and things tucked away in corners and a hefty radio set on the second table, but little stood out.

You treaded carefully though, peering curiously at different items as you searched for the spare box of tonics, but they were nowhere to be found at first glance.

You figured to look deeper, rummaging through cabinets and under the table, mindful of your swollen belly as you bent down or reached above.

The longer you searched, the more anxious you felt.

Somewhat afraid of being in the basement alone, and a little scared Alastor would find you down there, though he explicitly asked you not to be.

"I have to hurry.." you mumbled, eyes frantically searching the space again as the last cabinet you searched held nothing important to you.

A particular corner of the room caught your gaze. Right behind the armchair was a stack of boxes of different sizes.

You drew closer to them, spotting the extra medicine box on top, gently grabbing it from the pile, but you couldn't look away from the most enormous box sitting right at your feet.

It was huge and made of sturdy metal, unlike the rest, and you were sure a whole person could fit in it if they tried.

How odd…

You'd never seen it before but the box felt sorely out of place, among other things.

You couldn't peel your attention away from it, some invisible force urging you to look inside, and despite your better judgment, you gave into the desire.

Setting the medicine box down on the chair, you moved the other cases off the larger one, clearing it off before cautiously kneeling to open it.

There was no lock, only four bolt latches, which you found easy enough to undo, but the real task was lifting the heavy lid up high enough to see inside.

You managed it with a few determined huffs escaping your lips, letting the heavy lid hit the stone wall before taking a look inside.

You immediately wish you hadn't..…

"Oh God…" you whispered in utter shock and horror at the sight in front of you, feeling undeniably sick from it, mind racing to make up a rational reason for the vulgar sight.

But what rational reason on Earth could justify your beloved husband hiding a literal mutilated body in the basement.

Your heart sank seeing the poor souls' faces sunken in with dread, drowning in their blood, maned at various points as if an animal had mauled them.

Body parts were missing, skin had been flayed, and you almost couldn't tell if the person had any recognizable features left.

It was horrible…a brain-altering nightmare come to life before your very eyes, and it made you sick.

You began to cry, unconsciously sobbing hysterically as the dead body lifelessly peered back at you, terrified of it… slightly afraid of the man you presumed caused the damming scene.

With a sense of urgency, you reached to shut the lid, flinching as loose blood splattered onto you from the impact of the box closing, and the chill of red liquid dripping down your skin was enough to make you scream in pure disgust.

It was a guttural, frantic cry you'd only expressed in recent nightmares, but a deserved one.

Your body began to shake in peril, the gruesome image engraved into your mind as you scrambled to get to stand, but you weren't as composed as before and stumbled backwards haphazardly as a result.

Everything moved faster than you thought; your body had abandoned control, leaving you to fall without warning.

The room spun as your head collided with a table's edge, a dull pain erupting in your skull on impact, and your consciousness wholly disrupted.

The blinding pain of falling to the hard floor didn't register to you as panicked tears seeped down your face, screams you couldn't hear left your lips, and blood began to pool from your head and between your legs.

Shock, terror, helplessness, fear, and panic were all you could feel.

Intense pain in your stomach and head amplified the emotions but became distant sensations as your vision blurred and faded.

The very last words you remember speaking was a cry for help, a desperate plea for everything you'd seen to be a mistaken dream, a cry for anyone -no- your husband to save you from the terrible ordeal.

A plea for him to appear and tell you it's not true, that the body in the bolted box wasn't his doing, but your hope of him hearing you -anyone hearing you- dwindled rapidly as your concussion took hold.

---------- ----------- -------------- -----------

Rosie found Alastor quickly enough, merely having to spot his neatly styled curls drifting in the wind as he stood out on a balcony alone.

A drink in one hand and a cigarette in the other.

He blew smoke into the murky winter air, eyes dark and narrowed as he stared at the evening sky.

It was rare to see him frowning.

Alastor Hartifelt, of all people, not smiling?

Rosie nearly couldn't believe it the closer she drew to him.

He was…upset.

Irritated.

His smile was thoroughly washed away by your harsh words and prods for the truth.

You'd managed to take his cheer in one fail swoop, leaving him alone to think, and he couldn't blame you.

You, his ever-so-loving wife, his confidant, and his soon-to-be motherly doting doe, were rightfully at odds with him.

He'd hurt you, the very reason he'd began lying in the first place was to avoid doing so, but it'd happened anyway.

A genuinely ironic turn of events, in his opinion.

Alastor glared at the rising moon, cursing whatever higher power meddled dared to meddle in his life of all people, but his inner ranting was cut short as the sound of Rosie clearing her throat hit his ears.

The radio host spun on his heel to face her, fronting a slight smile to hide the agitation he felt at the moment, "Done socializing already, dear Rosie?"

He strived to sound polite and unbothered, but the edge in his tone showed through despite his best efforts.

Rosie paid no mind to his touchy attitude, knowing where it stemmed from.

She came to stand by his side, nodding in response to his question, "I didn't have much time to. I was with your lovely wife…trying to calm her nerves."

Alastor's frown returned at the mention of you, a thin line on his lips and a glint of guilt in his gaze.

"How is she?" he asks quietly, and Rosie's cheery expression falters hearing it.

"She insisted on returning home… by herself. Incredibly distraught on her way out.." She admits.

His chest tightened, heart sinking instantly picturing you at home alone, "Why didn't she-"

Rosie clicked her tongue dismissively, interrupting his line of questioning, "Al, she was severely distraught. Please let her be. I only know a fraction of what went on between you two, but it's obvious to her that you're hiding something. Not to intrude on your marriage, darling, but you must make a choice before something irreversible happens to it…to Y/n."

The blonde couldn't hide her somberness, staring at her long-time friend with a sense of earnest sincerity as she continued, "I shouldn't be the one to tell you this….but if you really do care for the girl, love her like you say you do, then you'll tell her the truth. You'll tell her, and she'll still be by your side…."

Alastor lowered his head, and for the first time in his adult life, he felt perplexed, stuck at impasss of foreign emotions.

He cared for you; some might call it love, and he'd been aware of it since childhood.

You'd told him all your secrets, good or bad, and trusted him.

You trusted him enough to reveal the mental abuse your father had put you through during childhood.

Trusted him enough to tell him how badly you wished you'd died instead of your mother to make your father somewhat happy again.

Alastor even knew of the times you'd been left completely alone as a child for weeks on end, how your father's neglect made you feel less than, and the permanent effect it had on you.

Your desire to fill a void, be loved without being shoved off, and be seen as more than a convenient soft-hearted person for someone to trifle with.

He knew every little thing about you, and it was because you had faith in his loyalty.

He found it easy to divulge his thoughts to you in the same manner, but allowing his secrets out into the open made him uneasy, even if you'd proven trustworthy from the beginning.

Then there was the matter of killing for you.

Alastor had done it so many times without your knowledge…

Stalking down men who stared at you too long for his liking, carving up anyone who spoke ill of you, happily taking the life of those who spoke down on your relationship.

Most of his murderous tendencies were purely driven by his obsession with you, a twisted kind of possessiveness he couldn't let go of, and one that made it easy for him to spill blood for you in the blink of an eye.

He did it to keep you safe…and that’d only be possible with him and no one else.

What stopped him from telling you how far he’d gone to do so, showing you that unnatural side of him only his victims saw, could only be described as fear.

Fear of losing you.

Fear of stripping the warmth from your heart.

Fear of losing the one thing, the one person who'd loved him despite all his flaws.

Fear of never truly smiling, never feeling a genuine emotion again because you -your presence in his life- allowed him to do just that.

Alastor hated to call it what it was, but as he was evading your attempts to understand, lying straight to your face and hoping you'd dilute your intuition was a way cowards way out of telling you the whole truth.

His pride dimmed, a frustrated grunt rumbling his chest as he glared at the drink in his hand.

Rosie sighed, flashing him a soft smile of pure reassurance, "Go to her, Al. Put a stop to her worries and relieve yourself of the burden. If not for your marriage, then for her sanity. She is too lovely of a girl to be treated so faithlessly."

He tongues his cheek at her words, a bitter burn of smoke and whiskey on it as he swallows thickly before nodding in agreement, "Seems I have no choice."

"You best head off. It's getting rather late, and I'm sure she misses you dearly, Al."

Alastor took one last drag of his cigarette, dropping it in his half-full bourbon glass before letting Rosie take it from him as he straightened his suit.

"I'll bid you good night then. You have my gratitude, Rosie, and the party was a splendid success, if I may add." His tone was back to normal, engaging, and mildly charismatic. Rosie smiled wide at his improving mood, accepting his thanks before shooting him off with a quick peck on his cheek.

“Au revoir monsieur!…”

“Au revoir mademoiselle..”

-------- ---------- ------------ --------------- -----------

Alastor made it home without trouble, humming a snappy tune to distract himself from the evening's progressing events.

However, as he reached the back door of your shared home, his shadows twinged with alertness.

His hand froze over the gold doorknob, a certain heaviness settling in his chest as the specters frantically twisted against the back porch walls.

Something is wrong. Can't hear Y/n. Can't hear their heartbeats. Can't feel them-

Alastor stiffened as his shadows enlarged, fueled by the panic he was resisting, "Find her!" he bellowed the order out on instinct, and the leering spirits dove into action as he barreled into the darkened home.

"Y/n!?" he yelled for you, head whipping in every direction as he searched the first floor, stomping up the stairs next to search the second floor but coming up empty.

He stood in your shared bedroom, remaining calm as he tried to figure out where you could be.

All your belongings were here, and you had readied for bed from the looks of your tampered vanity, but nothing else gave him a clue about your whereabouts.

That was until his shadows called to him; a certain bellow of wailing sounded from the lower part of the house, and one Alastor didn't like the sound of.

A warning.

A frenzied one at that.

Found her…hurry.

Without a second thought, Alastor bounded back downstairs, following the whips of his shadow self as it traveled through the halls, only to stop in front of a doorway he dreaded.

The basement. Its door was wide open, the lamp light eerily aglow as his shadows whirled past the steps to engulf the room.

“Y/n?!…” Alastor called for you again as he crept down the creaky wood steps, voice stiffer than he intended it to be, but its edge paled compared to the large lump forming in his throat when his eyes spotted you.

Splayed out on the floor, on your side, lying limp and motionless.

A small puddle of blood was forming near your head, another was quickly growing in between your legs, and splatters of it covered your face, hands, and nightgown.

For the second time in his life, Alastor felt true terror, bewildered by the sight of his darling wife in distress and paralyzed by the powerful possibility it was his fault.

He’d only felt this fearful once before, afraid his father would end his mother’s life right in front of him after a hefty night of drinking, but even then, he found the courage to act.

Merely killing his father out of pure rage-filled instinct, but now…how he would remedy your suffering alluded him completely.

She's barely breathing… Their heartbeats-

"That's quite enough from you!" Alastor roared in utter frustration, moving without thinking, willing himself to do anything but panic.

He worked as quickly as his mind would allow, trying not to break down as he knelt beside your still body, "Y/n…darling…wake up… please…" he begged quietly.

Being as cautious as ever, he cradled you close, praying to whatever cruel god there was that you'd respond or at least open your eyes while he carried you out of the haunting basement.

Your body twitched at the sound of a familiar voice, feeling lighter as solid arms lifted you from the cold floor and whisked you from the damp room.

The sound of a rapid heartbeat thundered in your ear as waves of coherence fought to establish itself in you, but the severity of your wounds made it a struggle to function.

You settled for listening to the heartbeat, the voice accompanying it a vague background noise but a comforting one.

Your vision wasn't any better, only allowing you to see a murky image of a man, one you knew well but couldn't determine was real or not in the moment.

“Al..astor?..”you whispered in awe, smiling sadly as he looked down at you, clearly worried.

“Stay with me, darling… Keep breathing, please…”

Alastor felt you shiver violently in his arms hearing him speak, racing up the stairs as cautiously as possible to avoid hurting you more, barging into your shared bedroom seconds later.

He laid you down on the bed, disregarding the blood and dirt staining the sheets as he tried to assess your injuries. "Fuck…fuck…fuck!" he rambled angrily, breaths coming quick, and his mind in a rare frenzy as a result.

Your eyes refused to stay open, an apparent wound was on the side of your head, and the impact of your fall had indeed done something to warrant your lower half bleeding.

He needed to stop the bleeding from both areas, keep you awake, and determine the twin's state all at once.

Alastor knew this but struggled to pull himself together, only able to grasp at one of your hands with both of his to ground himself as a frustrated smile adorned his face.

Pull it together, or she and your children die.

It's all my fault… it's all my fault…

She'll die if you don't act…

It's all my fucking fault…I-

She needs help! Wallowing in your depraved guilt won't change that!

His shadows chittered, reasoning with their host despite the panic they felt seeping off of him.

Alastor screwed his eyes shut, an anguished growl leaving his chest as he tried to think of a solution and push away his panicked state.

You remained still, on the verge of passing out again, trying to hold onto reality a little longer, squeezing your savior's hand back as a weak tether to it.

Alastor froze, feeling your gesture, head lifting swiftly as you attempted to speak, "It h-hurts.." you muttered painfully, acknowledging a new ache you'd only felt a few weeks prior.

Intense shocks of strain spread in your abdomen, noticeable contractions that felt different than previous ones, but as much as you wanted to articulate the agony they caused, you couldn't find the strength to.

You screamed instead, gripping Alastor’s hand hard as the constant pains grew more robust, making your cries grow louder.

The terror in your screeches struck him hard, an almost unnatural sound he'd never imagined coming from you, but your following words gave the sounds plausible clarity.

"Th-they're c-coming!" you choked between labored breaths, feeling dizzy as your blood loss took its toll, but the growing urge to push trumped your need to pass out.

Alastor came to his senses upon hearing your warning.

Fully aware that he couldn't handle this situation alone, he did the only thing that made sense to him.

Ask for help. Something he hated to do but saw no alternative for.

"Go get Rosie. Make it quick. Find my mother next and get her here as well…" he commanded his shadows quietly, heart still racing as he took solace in comforting you.

The bed dipped as he sat down, free hand cradling your head as the other raised yours to his lips.

He planted a kiss on your knuckles; brows furrowed as the feeling of your fingers gripping his slightly lessened, an indication of culminated exhaustion and blood loss.

"Stay with me, ma chere. Just a while longer, alright? Everything…everything’s going to be fine…" Alastor muttered soothing words into your ear, a ploy to keep you and himself calm, and to some extent, it worked.

You hung onto his every word, confused and alarmed by him but clinging to the safety his presence brought.

You couldn't forget what you saw in the basement, the horrid image still stuck in the back of your mind as you cried in agony and writhed in desperation for help.

You couldn't believe that Alastor, your perfect husband, the man watching over you now so fervently, had done something so horrible to another person.

You had many questions, fears, and even more confusion than before.

Nevertheless, your dire position now completely overshadowed the underlying nightmare that was your marriage.

Your children.

That's the only thing you could clearly envision, enduring the heartache, suffering through the genuine threat to your life, all for their sake.

Confronting Alastor could wait.

Surviving the night and bringing healthy twins into this world couldn't.

xxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxx

I'm putting the reader through a lot...but you all will survive... Maybe. Also, the song choices for this one kind of hit just right. ;)

TAGS ❤️: @rapturenyx @michi-keinz @shealizxx @nissrinina @destinyisastar @bubblegumheartsy @sailorsmouth @aestheticgals-blog @rameisa @ellesette

[ BONUS CONTENT + ]

This edit is so fitting, I fear... Credits to creator ❤️

[lurkingshan]

Love Sea Final Thoughts

I have been trying to wrap my head around my overall feelings about Love Sea, a show that is undeniably flawed but somehow charming anyway, that drops so many threads but does such a good job with a few of its core points that it's hard to be mad. I can't really say that this is a great drama, but I can say that I enjoyed it a lot and I think it's a good watch if you go in understanding some caveats.

Let's start with a few things I really loved about this show:

Mahasamut. A great character, he will be going on my shortlist of Thai bl favorites. He's smart, honest, patient, giving and forgiving but he also knows himself, his limits, and his worth. On top of all that, he actually looks like a normal person, with a healthy body weight and beautiful imperfect skin. So rare in dramas.

Smart class dynamics. I appreciated how much this show grounded Mut and Rak's relationship in their class disparity, how wealth and lack of same was a constant issue between them that was never forgotten, and how its effect on their power dynamic shifted over time as their relationship grew.

Very well-executed sex scenes. The sex in this show is tied to character development and relationship arcs, and every sex scene mattered to the story. We watched the shifting power dynamics between Mut and Rak play out via the sex they had together and by watching their intimacy we learned more about them.

Ridiculous chemistry. The main love story was supported by truly excellent emotional and sexual chemistry. I always believed in the attraction and the feelings between these two, and that helped a lot when the story didn't quite take me where it needed to.

Rak and Vie's friendship. I really loved that we spent time with these two as besties, and that they were genuinely so supportive of each other. Vie was a real MVP in kicking Rak's ass when he needed it.

Meena, the best child ever. What a delightful character who brought a lot of fun and lightness to the story. Her scenes with Mut were a true highlight.

And here are some things that didn't quite work for me:

Uneven focus for the main characters. Once we left the island to go to Bangkok, the entire show was about Rak, his backstory, his issues, his ongoing problems, and his needs, and Mut was kind of subsumed in his story instead of having one of his own. I was glad we got back to Mut's life at the end, but they really should have kept it present throughout so everything didn't feel so one-sided.

Shallow engagement with family trauma. And despite the fact that the story was so much about Rak's issues, the story never actually went deep on them. I still don't really understand a lot about his family dynamics. The show used his dad and cousin as villains and then his mom as an easy out to solve everything at the end, but we never dug into how all these people ended up this way in the first place. It was a real missed opportunity.

Rak's emotional journey. I was on board for much of it, but other parts felt a bit haphazard and all over the place. Sometimes it felt like he was suddenly progressing out of nowhere, and others it felt like he was backsliding just because the plot demanded it. I liked where the story took him a lot but the path to get there was pretty bumpy.

The side couple. WOOF. I have no idea what happened here, but that was a fail on just about every front. Mook was a hard character to love from the start, Vie felt like a completely different person with Mook than in all her other scenes, there was so much lying and manipulation for no good reason, and in the end they were left completely unresolved. If you are on the lookout for great gl pairings, you will not find that here.

So there you have it. This show is absolutely a mixed bag on its execution, so how much you end up liking it will probably depend on how strongly you connect with what it did well and where it dropped the ball. For me, it was a good experience and one I'll remember fondly. I'll definitely be watching the special when it's released and I hope to see this cast again.

[shortpplfedup]

We Are Episodes 9-12: They got me, they really got me

My heart has exploded. This show has ruined me. I'm crying on a Wednesday afternoon about a bunch of queer boys all actively doing their best by each other every day. This show is saying 'Your actions matter. Your intentions matter. Your words matter. IT ALL MATTERS.' Also, we unlocked everything about this show by learning two very important backstories: the story of Tan and Fang, and Phum and Fang's family history.

I think this block of eps has been the most explicitly romantic section of the show so far. Bookended by two of the now-requisite-for-Thai-BL change of scenery trips (and man that volunteer camp paid dividends), this was just a great, GREAT bit of Show. One of my favourite things about how the relationships are progressing in this show is that they are allowing these boys to have courtship. Yeah, they might be attracted to each other, like each other, even make out with each other, but there is a gap between 'I like you' and 'I want to be with you' that romance doesn't always explore. Stating your intentions and deliberately and actively wooing somebody still matters. In the West, and especially in the limited western romance we get, sometimes it feels like we've decided it is juvenile and/or old-fashioned, it is somehow uncool, to require declaration, to ask and receive an answer. We have cool-girled (non-gender-specific) our way into the age of the noncommittal extended situationship. This show allows all of these boys to have that bit of romance, to expect it, to require it, and to have that taken seriously.

Phum and Peem had a rocky start, so it makes sense that it would take time and effort for them to get to a place where Peem feels comfortable admitting his feelings for Phum, even if he has accepted them to himself (him letting Khluen down gently was such a nice touch), and cannot keep himself from showing them at every turn. A detail I love is that Phum continues to apologise for the way he treated Peem at the start. He so so sincerely regrets it all, in a believable way, and he does not take Peem's forgiveness as a given at all. Him declaring himself in front of all of their friends and going all out to woo Peem is part of that apology, along with his actual multiple, repeated 'I'm sorry's. And then him going STRAIGHT to Peem when he had that fight with his dad, and Peem dropping all the flirty games instantly because he knew something was wrong...BURY MEEEEEEEEEEE.

Tan finally told his friends the story of him and Fang and EVERYTHING about this show clicked into place with that information. Understanding how and when this all started for them explains not only their entire dynamic, but also draws direct lines from them to every other couple. The rocky start? That's Phum and Peem. Falling slowly over time? Q and Toey. Afraid to ruin the friendship? Totally where I see Chain and Pun landing. And then across this chunk we get to see the interiority of their relationship now, and the DEPTHS of their devotion to and understanding of each other. They truly, madly, deeply love each other, exactly for who they each are. Plus, enthusiastically mutually horny for each other, which is always fun to see.

Q and Toey spend some time here really talking through their history and their feelings, explaining their past actions to each other and laying to rest a lot of their fears and hurts from Q's sudden disappearance from Toey's life and Toey's sudden appearance in Q's. These two were working at cross-purposes and off incorrect assumptions for so long, them finally getting onto the same page thanks to their meddling-ass friends was just a giant exhale. And Q asking Toey to be his boyfriend in the way it all began, at the place it all began put me so very deep in my feels.

They are really letting the Chain/Pun thing build up in the background, in tiny moments and offhand comments, and every morsel we get of them feels like it matters. I'm sure that's part practicality given the reshoots, but Chain and Pun also feel like those friends in the group who turn up married one day when nobody knew they even liked each other. In my Hospital Playlist analogy for this show, they are Ik Jun and Song Hwa, down to Chain's loving indulgence of Pun's tuneless insistence on singing.

The non-romantic relationships in this show continue to be the cherry on the sundae. Q and Peem's friendship, Phum and Beer's friendship, Toey and Matt's friendship, the brotherly love between Fang and Phum, Pun and Mick's himbo bromance, how ride or die EVERYBODY is for Toey, how fully integrated Phum, Beer, Mick, Toey and Matt are into the crew now, the silly fun they have when all the gang's together...I'm so emotional about this. I will give New Siwaj that he has always understood that great romances need great friendships to support them. I haven't always liked how he has put those together narratively, or managed the tonal shifts involved, but this one is just working gangbusters for me.

Four more eps to go and I have gone from thinking 16 eps were too many to never wanting this show to leave me. At the same time, I'm aware that we're moving into the New Siwaj Red Zone (aka the final act), where things often fall apart with him. Still, I'm having such a good time so far I'm choosing optimism. Time to update my couple scores.

Q and Toey: 3.5/4 hearts

Their romantic arc is more or less winding down now I think, and they're moving into cupid role for Phum and Peem. I have so thoroughly enjoyed this journey and look forward to seeing how they work as a team in the final bit!

Phum and Peem: 3.5/4 hearts

These two are ruining me, I am giggling kicking my feet all week thinking about them. Peem saying the ocean was too far when Phum wanted to take him there to feel better, but taking Phum there without a second thought when Phum showed up shaken and sad...NO YOU'RE CRYING.

Tan and Fang: 4/4 hearts

They are the absolute heart of this show. Just rock solid, undeniable, unquestionable. Tan saying in ep 12 he wants to be Fang's safe zone AND his family? Fang shouting out his love? PLEASE CALL ME SINGLE MORE QUIETLY ABEG.

Pun and Chain: 3/4 hearts

There is no heterosexual or even queerplatonic explanation for these two, and so the candle in my window stays lit for them.

[dysfunctionalupsidedown]

Mike Wheeler: Trauma, Insecurity, and "STurn" (Analysis)

In "From the Hair Chair: Finn Wolfhard | Stranger Things", which is available on the official Stranger Things YouTube channel, Finn Wolfhard addresses the question, "What's going on with Mike Wheeler in Season 4?"

Mike Wheeler’s behavior in S4 has confused many, especially general audiences. However, if you look at the bigger picture, his progression (or regression) into the Mike Wheeler we know from S4 does make sense. To get a clear idea of what’s going on with him, we must look at the four seasons sequentially and with a more subtextual eye. We have a few physical puzzle pieces, and for now, we need to fill in the rest with our imagination based on evidence. A Mike point of view isn’t particularly needed to fully understand this, although it would be helpful for the GA and is something I want from S5.

In relation to this particular interview, I’ll examine Stranger Things (2016) for the past and present and “STurn” for the possible future. “STurn” actually does tell us a bit about how Mike’s self-identity arc will potentially continue in S5 and wrap up.

Also, I understand that “STurn” isn’t factual and is not even confirmed to be related to ST5. Though I don’t believe this entire analysis is instantly negated by my use of the playlist, as its only purpose here is to assume a hypothetical future. Aside from the Finn interview, everything else comes straight from the show and holds a reasonable explanation for Mike’s behavior up until the end of S4.

Remember, this post is for fun and speculation, and "STurn" is the best we have right now. Just keep in mind that I’m going into this analysis assuming it’s related to Mike Wheeler in S5. I could be entirely incorrect. Similarly, this interview isn’t wholly factual either, as it’s not what’s in the show, but it relates enough to what we’ve been shown of Mike for me to comment on.

This might be a lengthier post. Be warned.

If you’re still here and interested, I’ll get right into it.

Trauma

Finn first addresses how each of the characters are dealing with their past trauma, and that is a perfect way to describe Mike’s behavior in S4. I think a lot of people, especially the general audience, forget that, yes, while these are all characters, trauma does have the ability to affect them and change their behavior. There was an entire “Your original character before trauma vs. after trauma” trend on TikTok a minute back, and that wasn’t for nothing. 

Mike, just in S1, witnessed one of his best friends go missing, watched this best friend turn up apparently dead (as well as see his “body”), went to his funeral, jumped off of a ledge, saw his other newfound friend disappear, and so much more. Don't even get me started on the following seasons.

Mike is afraid of losing. That’s what happened to him in S1. He lost. First Will, then El. 

His fear of loss and determination to keep things in his life are significant parts of his character and have been since S1. That’s why he was so intent on finding Will. That's why he checked his walkie for El every night. That’s why he acts out in S3-S4. This isn’t an excuse for his behavior, but an explanation. It’s part of his trauma, and we see this in S4 with his fear of losing Will and El again: “Maybe I feel like I lost you or something,” and “I can't lose you,” respectively. I theorize that he fears being out of control regarding these things.

A lack of control also explains why he was so volatile to Will and El during and after Rink-O-Mania. For Will, Mike addresses this directly to him when he apologizes. It’s made evident to the audience that he acted cold in part because he thought Will was slipping away, but truthfully, he wasn’t aloof. He noticed everything about Will’s behavior and even managed to make the tragedy of that day about their friendship. Now, back to the apology, “About the last few days… You didn’t deserve anything… The truth is, the last year has been weird… Maybe I was worrying too much about El… And, I don’t know, maybe I feel like I lost you or something.” His defensiveness during the argument at the rink seems more like a trauma response than straight-up disinterest, which some people apparently think.

For El, I think this translates into him wanting her to need him. If El needs him, then there’s no way he can lose her, right? We know from the show that she doesn’t need him anymore. Mike also acknowledges this multiple times, and that thought terrifies him. In the last episode, he explains this to her, “... The truth is, El, I don’t know how to live without you… I can’t lose you, okay?”

Before Will shows Mike the painting in the van, Mike explains his dilemma. Will tries reassuring Mike, telling him that El will be fine, and Mike says he understands that. Mike then explains his true concern, “But what if after all this is over, she doesn’t need me anymore?... The truth is, when I stumbled on her in the woods, she just needed someone. It’s not fate, it’s not destiny, it’s just simple dumb luck. And one day, she's gonna realize that I’m just some random nerd that got lucky that Superman landed on his doorstep. I mean, at least Lois Lane is an ace reporter for The Daily Planet.” 

Will continues to comfort him, focusing more on the loss aspect of Mike’s trauma, which is made evident here. But those lines also make it clear that Mike is afraid El will realize his inferiority to her and abandon him. This is a good transition into Mike’s insecurity.

Insecurity

I’ve seen people argue against what Finn says here because Mike is part of the somewhat “outcast” group at school. I don’t think trying to argue that takes away from the fact that Mike did, does, and will continue to try and lead a “normal” lifestyle. He’s a teenage boy with a girlfriend and a friend group he fits into. That’s normal. He’s trying to get by. 

It was the same in S3. Mike was a kid with friends, a girlfriend, and a new want for maturity. It’s not unrealistic that the character is aging out of or into specific behaviors, especially ones that he’s previously exhibited. That leads us to his insecurity. 

We’ve had hints of it starting as far back as S1E3, when Troy injures Mike, and he initially lies about it to El so that he doesn’t seem like a loser. Similarly, these themes pick up with Will in S3E3 during their fight in the rain, “...We’re not kids anymore. I mean, what did you think, really? That we were never gonna get girlfriends? That we were just gonna sit in my basement all day and play games for the rest of our lives?”

Curiously, Mike is shown to be especially “normal” in California. He dresses differently than he does in Hawkins and acts more aloof. As Argyle says, “It’s a shitty knock-off.” Skipping forward to the “... She's gonna realize that I’m just some random nerd that got lucky that Superman landed on his doorstep… at least Lois Lane is an ace reporter for The Daily Planet” line, and we have a good enough view of Mike’s internal conflict.

He is deeply insecure, and it seems particularly so around El. I don’t know if this was addressed in the show, and I wish we had seen some of Mike’s letters, but does El even know about the Hellfire Club? I don’t believe we’re given any indication that she does, which could imply that Mike kept it hidden from her. It wouldn’t be surprising, considering his complete attitude change in California. Also keeping in mind that Mike stopped playing D&D when he was with her in S3 and only continued to play in S4 while El was away.

Mike also displays this insecurity by choosing to distance Will. For what reason, I can’t say for sure, but it’s probably something “abnormal.” 

Regardless, his insecurity ties into his fear of loss. The more normal he is, the more things he can maintain in life and the less he has to lose. Especially when it comes to El. It all stems back to his fear, not genuine malintent, and I see too many viewers misunderstand this. 

It also works the opposite way, to a different and lesser extent. If he’s out of Hellfire Club, he loses his “normal teenage clique.” Aside from losing El completely as someone he profoundly cares about, if he loses El as a partner, he loses his girlfriend. That’s a blow to his normality. 

Will is confusing to me. If he “loses” Will, just like he felt he did at the beginning of S4, he falls more into the pattern of trying to be normal. There’s no impact on his normality. By keeping Will at arms-length, Mike gravitated more towards his “shitty knock-off” version of himself. Something about Will brings out what Mike feels is abnormal in him, so by distancing himself, he could avoid it altogether. That’s likely in part what caused such a conflict at the beginning of S4: Mike’s inability to be “normal” while fully keeping Will in his life and vice versa, his inability to lose Will just to maintain normalcy.

"STurn"

We’ve focused on trauma and insecurity. Now, it’s time for self-identity. I think that's a theme in store for the future. I'll refer back to the “STurn” analysis I previously did.

Many of the songs on this playlist contain themes of a false identity. I’ll start with “Angst In My Pants” first. To quote my "STurn" analysis:

This song is about a person attempting to be someone they're not, suppressing who they really are, and it ultimately leading to dissatisfaction. The lyrics, "You can dress nautical / Learn to tie knots / Take lots of Dramamine / Out on your yacht" describe a faux lifestyle one lives that only serves to hurt them in the end: The idea of putting on a self-harming persona. This could be what Mike is going through in S5.

Next, we have "Substitute":

This track is about an idealized version of someone being put in place of their true self. The narrator describes a scenario in which their partner sees a version of them, "I'm a substitute for another guy / I look pretty tall but my heels are high / The simple things you see are all complicated / I look bloody young, but I'm just back-dated, yeah", that is unrealistic and put on, as seen in the lyrics "Substitute your lies for fact / I see right through your plastic mac / I look all white, but my dad was black / My fine-looking suit is really made out of sack"... The concept of a guise applies well to Mike, as referenced in Angst In My Pants. A recurring theme of hiding oneself really makes me think Mike is going to completely abandon his interests for a different lifestyle. I believe Finn has also mentioned that Mike wants to be as "normal" as possible, so I can't wait to see [how far] they take that idea. It could also be him realizing how he's been acting, and admitting that this "romanticized" version isn't true to him.

Finally, "The Rebel Kind":

Like The Better Side, I couldn't find any lyrics, so I'm doing it by ear. Though, I'm happy to say that this song is about a desire to embrace differences and rebellion. "We'll be free to run with the rebel kind" and "It's not easy, but I don't mind / I just want to run with the rebel kind" establish that. The track appears to tie into Mike's insecurity struggles throughout the playlist. It could be the narrator's struggle to keep up with societal norms before finally giving in to their truth instead of trying to conform, read as "they call us rebels but don't get how hard it is to for us to keep up." On the other hand, it could be the narrator commenting on how society doesn't understand people like them, and, by embracing their true selves, it proves more about who they are than conforming ever would; read as, "you think we're the rebellious ones, but you don't understand that we're more self-secure and strong than you'll ever be." I can see both of these interpretations working for Mike and his connection to the Party. The progression of insecurity in Angst In My Pants and potential realization of this guise in Substitute is wrapped up by Mike's self-acceptance here. I really hope this is how it plays out in S5.

Conclusion

Mike's brewing insecurity, paired with his trauma of loss, seems like it may boil over in S5. I theorize that he’ll drift even more into his “shitty knock-off” self, even if just on the surface, and do whatever he can to maintain normalcy in his life. Whether this leads to more conflict with Will, we’ll have to wait and see.

Besides that, Mike might eventually accept his "differences." He also may be willing to cope with loss for what it is, even if it’s the loss of the normalcy he tries so hard to maintain in certain situations. I can see Mike having a heavy emphasis on self-identity in S5, and as I said earlier, I can’t wait to see where they take that.

Thank you for reading; I hope you enjoyed!

As is customary with all my posts, if anything here is incorrect or you believe there’s something I should add, feel free to let me know. I’d love to have more conversations about Mike and read all the predictions for S5 I can.

[ninadove]

hi!

i’m so sorry if you’ve already made a post or answered an ask like this before, but i remember you saying a couple times how the lovesquare is queer-coded.

i think that’s such an interesting observation, and i was wondering if you’d be willing to elaborate on that a little more?

i’d love to hear your thoughts!! and thank you for taking the time to read this. :)

Absolutely Anon! Thanks for dropping by! ❤️🖤

I’m sure there are a lot of wonderful, more complete posts on the topic out there — my Sentikids tunnel vision means I don’t always grant other characters/relationships the attention they deserve. That being said, here are some things that popped into my head:

1. Secret identities

You know ‘em, you love ‘em. Secret identities are the core of the show — the very reason the Love Square is a square! Hiding part or the entirety of who you are for safety reasons is a theme most queer people unfortunately relate to, and the great thing is that we get two very different perspectives on the matter from our two protagonists.

For Adrien, Chat Noir means freedom: being away from his father’s grasp (read: from a power structure that tries to sculpt him into something perfect and bland — more on that later) allows him to become bolder, funnier, more like himself or at least more like the person he wants to be — which very prominently features being in love with Ladybug, aka exploring romantic connections outside of Kagami, the only acceptable option for Adrien.

And yet… Chat Noir is also something dangerous. When Chat Noir gets rejected, Adrien tries to renounce his Miraculous, aka to bury this part of himself as far down as possible; when Chat Noir gets unmasked by Ladybug, the object of his affections, IT’S THE LITERAL END THE WORLD (twice and a half now). There’s an entire post to be made about Cat Walker and Aspik and Adrien folding himself into what he thinks Ladybug’s perfect partner should be.

The point is: Adrien being himself puts him (and the people he loves) in harm’s way, both emotionally and physically. You see the themes, I see the themes, we cry together and hold hands.

Marinette, on the other hand, fucking hates being Ladybug for most of the series. She wants to be a normal girl (!) with a normal life (!!) and it’s just not happening. The reason? There’s something about her that no one knows yet (!!!) ‘cause she has a secret (!!!!).

If anything, being Ladybug keeps getting in the way of her romantic shenanigans: she can’t be with Adrien/Chat Noir because Apocalypse, she can’t be with Cat Walker because her Lucky Charm doesn’t like him, she can’t be with Luka because she has to lie all the time! Not only that, it endangers her friendships as well, as seen in The Gang of Secrets. Look at the wording of her talk with Alya in this episode:

“I won’t try to figure it out our force it out of you. If you can’t tell me what’s in your heart… it’s your right.”

“Will we still be friends?”

“Marinette, I’m your best friend, and I’ll always be. That’s why it kills me that I can’t help you with whatever’s making you feel so alone.”

[…] “You know why I broke up with Luka? Not because I don’t like him! He’s amazing! It’s because there’s something that I can’t tell him. You know why I have to forget Adrien? For the exact same reason. You’re right! I keep secrets, I lie all the time, I lie to my friends, to my parents, everyone, and the worst thing is I can’t do it any other way. […] I tell you, things will never be the same between us again, it will mess up everything — maybe even destroy it!

“Marinette, I’m your very best friend.”

“And I… I’m Ladybug.”

If this isn’t a coming out scene, I don’t know what is.

Of course, Marinette progressively steps into her role as a superheroine and learns to navigate her relationships accordingly — but she’s still carrying this secret that sets her apart from the rest of the world. It’s the othering, isolating part of queerness, and it’s really well portrayed throughout the seasons.

2. The Adrigaminette-to-Lukadrinette pipeline

I cannot not mention it, because what the hell was going on here.

Adrigaminette felt less like a love triangle and more like the girls voting themselves out of the polycule in quick succession. We got an entire episode of the three of them running around, holding hands and jumping in ballpits together. Both Adrien and Kagami went heart eyes over Marinette’s loose hair.

Then André came in with his cart and clown shoes and said “Nah you can’t all share the Magical Ice Cream Of Romance. :( Yeah sorry my ice cream is for two people and two people only. :( Also I guess I could serve Marigami and Marigami only but the flavours would taste gross together. :( Don’t look into the subtext too much” HE JUST HAD TO RUIN IT FOR THEM DIDN’T HE

I’m really happy he ruined it for them, for bird reasons, but still. Adrigami is also the one time we get to see Chat Noir ruin Adrien’s love life, and most of the fuel for my aroace Adrien thoughts, but I digress — LUKADRINETTE

Luka is in the unique position of knowing both Ladybug and Chat Noir’s identities, aka the most secret part of their souls, and immediately went in repression mode in Wishmaker upon finding out his two crushes were basically soulmates. It pays off in Migration, when he becomes their de facto safe place, the one person they know has both of their backs no matter what. Just look at the way they all look at each other:

With Marinette knowing she does not have to lie to him anymore and Adrien being Adrien. I’m sorry but in my mind they both independently proposed to him right then and there. This is the timeline I live in now.

Parenthesis over. Let’s get back to business:

3. Feligami Adrinette

By which I mean the themes explored throughout their relationship.

Adrinette’s story has always been about rescuing Adrien from the abusive environment he grew up in, as Marc and Nathaniel so helpfully drove across through their delightful storyboards:

(Note the gender role reversal here, blurring the lines between Marinette and Ladybug as she takes on the role of the knight in shining armour, while Adrien is the princess locked away in her tower… Adrien’s gender deserves another other essay in itself, but for today, let’s just agree that he is Not Cis.)

In S5, this theme escalates into a full-on Romeo and Juliet situation. Gabriel and Tomoe are of course the main obstacles to Adrinette’s happy ending: given A. Gabriel’s history of forcing his son into a mold, B. the strict expectations placed on Tsurugi women and C. the oppressive, uniformly white world they want to create through Perfect Alliance (Perfect!!! Alliance!!! Rings!!! Marriage!!!), it’s not a stretch to see them as the messengers of a certain vision of masculinity, femininity and relationships. You see it, I see it, Marinette doesn’t see it because she’s too busy sobbing on the floor, which finally brings me to my favourite thing ever:

“But Nina!” I hear you protest, “you’re making everything about Feligami again!” To which I reply: first of all, yes I am. Second of all, you can’t stop me. Third of all —

Third of all, characters don’t exist in a vacuum, and this is particularly true of the Adrinette & Feligami quartet. Kagami’s name literally means mirror; Felix is a foil to Adrien, of course, but also to Marinette (and Gabriel and Emilie and a bunch of other characters and I love him so much but let’s not stray too far from the point). Of course Feligami is going to parallel and contrast Adrinette, especially since Felix is Aware of the Themes and Motifs and has decided to make it everyone’s problem.

So in June (!) 2023, a little thing called Representation (!!) aired.

There are sooo many things to say about the queer-coding of the Senti-lore in general and of Felix and Feligami in particular. Today, though, I want to draw your attention to the way the kids talk about themselves at the end of the play, drawing clear narrative links to the Love Square (and most specifically Ladybug):

“You know what it’s like to not be able to love the one you want.”

“To constantly fight to save the people you love.”

“To have to lie all the time and never reveal who you truly are.”

[Wipes a single tear away] They grow up so fast…

At the end of the day, this is what both Feligami and the Love Square are all about: embracing who you are and the love you feel, no matter its form, in a world that perpetually tries to enslave and/or kill you for it. I don’t know about you, but I find it hella queer in nature.

Thank you for coming to my DUUSUTalk! 💙🦚

[sunny44]

When we first met

Pairing: Lewis Hamilton x summer love!reader

Warnings: nothing just pure love.

Summary: In a single summer, two strangers become very special to each other.

Once upon a time, in a small seaside village, there was a young boy named Lewis Hamilton and a lovely girl named Y/n.

They lived completely different lives, being strangers to each other.

Lewis was passionate about cars and dreamed of becoming a famous racing driver while Y/n had a generous heart and spent her days helping the needy villagers.

A sunny summer brought with it a lively festival by the sea.

Both decided to attend the event for different reasons. Lewis was looking forward to watching the go-kart races that would take place during the festival while

Y/n was busy helping to organize the charity events.

By a quirk of fate, their paths crossed when Lewis, fascinated by the charitable activities, volunteered to help Y/n with her tasks. As they spent time together, they noticed each other's sincerity and kindness. Lewis admired Y/n’s commitment to helping others, while Y/n was impressed by Lewis' passion and determination to pursue his dreams.

As the summer progressed, the friendship between them strengthened. They shared laughs, secrets and dreams under the glare of the sun and the twinkle of the stars at night.

Lewis explained the thrill of racing at high speed, and Y/n showed him the true meaning of empathy and compassion.

However, the end of the summer was approaching and with it came the sadness of parting.

They realized that they had become everything to each other in a short amount of time, but life would lead them down different paths again.

On the last day of the festival, during sunset, Lewis took courage and confessed his feelings to Y/n. With tears in her eyes, she admitted that she feel the same for him. They decided that no matter what fate had in store for them, that memory of a magical and special summer would stay in their hearts forever.

Although they physically separated, they kept in touch and supported each other on their journeys. Lewis continued to pursue his career in motorsport, while Y/n followed her calling to help those in need.

As the years passed, their paths eventually crossed again.

Lewis became a world-champion in F1, but he didn't forget the lesson of empathy he learned from Y/n. He founded a charity to help communities in need and followed in his beloved's footsteps in making a difference in the world.

Y/n, in turn, became a dedicated social worker and Lewis' infectious energy inspired her to continue fighting for humanitarian causes.

And so, the simple summer that brought two strangers together left a legacy of love, friendship and selfless deeds.

They may have only been there for each other for a brief moment, but the impact of their meeting lasted a lifetime, showing that some stories have the power to change lives forever.

Bonus scene!

Yourusername

Liked by @yourfriend @lewishamilton and others 1.082

Yourusername This is for sure the best summer I had in my entire life and even if we’re not meant to be together I’ll always love you. Thank you for making me a better person and thank you for showing me how to love and how to be loved, you will be forever my first love.

I hope that the future holds something beautiful for us.

Tagged: @lewishamilton

Comments have been desabled

Do you guys want a part two of them after years? Like them seeing each other after all the time.

For those who answer yes and want to be tagged in the next one let me now.

[rose-morose]

I've been on a superhero kick since finishing The Boys season 4 finale and I finally got around to watching the Harley Quinn animated series, or at least the 4 seasons that are currently out as of writing

a bit heavy on the meta comedy for my taste, but over all I enjoyed it, and I have some thoughts, so I'm here to bring you the amateur analysis nobody asked for or wanted

(very long Harley Quinn spoilers below cut)

(seriously it's so fucking long don't hit the cut if you don't want a wall of text on your screen)

at its core, Harley Quinn is a show about relationships, and I don't just mean romantic relationships, I mean human, and occasionally non human, relations of all kinds: family, friends, coworkers, lovers, enemies, nemeses, etc. it's an exercise in the concept of the social and how each person interacts with and relates to other individuals and groups

I think it would be fun to take a closer look at some of these relationships and analyse them from the perspective of a confused aroace loser with exactly 6 friends so here we go

the show centers on two individuals who, by the beginning of the show, have quite literally never had anything even remotely resembling a healthy relationship in their entire lives, which is not hyperbole in the slightest, and again is not just referring to romantic relationships, but relationships of all kinds

the focus is on DC's titular Harley Quinn, and her only friend turned best friend turned girlfriend (minor spoiler but not really) Poison Ivy, and the evolution of their relationship, as well as the relationships of many prominent DC characters around them, and also Kite Man

this is going to be quite a long one with many parts, so you'll have to bear with me for awhile or just give up now you have been warned

part one

the (toxic) insane clown posse (duo)

the show opens with the infamously toxic romance between Harley Quinn and the clown prince of crime, the Joker himself

episode one opens with a showcase of the well documented abusive relationship between Quinn and Joker and just how abusive the Joker truly is as he leaves her for dead yet again

Poison Ivy, powerful supervillain and only friend of Harley Quinn, goes to great lengths to help Harley see that her relationship with Joker is not as perfect as she believes

it's clear there is already a lot of love between Ivy and Harley, and despite the fact that Ivy is a well known misanthrope with a burning hatred of humanity, she has made a singular exception for Harley due in part to her tenure at Arkham as a psychiatrist during one of Ivy's stays

Harley spends season one attempting to escape the telltale psychological hold of a manipulative and abusive relationship, which is easier said than done and not simple in the slightest, but by the end of the first season she has made a considerable amount of progress

part two

emancipation, the crew, and new friends

of course breaking off her romantic relationship with the Joker does not free Harley of his hold, the process is far more strenuous and takes considerably more time, but now she has an opportunity to start some new positive relationships in her life to help her through, and that takes the form of her new crew which consists of Dr. Psycho, Clay Face, King Shark, and Sy and she befriends Ivy's plant Frank and the Queen of Fables as well

as I've mentioned Harley has no experience with healthy relationships, and her initial transactional attitude and emotional neglect towards her new friends is quite telling, but she is in the process of learning how to truly connect with people, a challenge her background in psychiatry seems to lend a foundation to help with

each episode of the first season follows her uncovering a new facet of how a genuine friendship is formed and maintained, all the while battling her own selfishness to be the best friend she can be

the friendships seem to fall out of touch over the course of the show, but there remains a rapport between the crew even after their professional split

the later seasons spend a lot less time exploring friendships, a decision I'm not too thrilled with, but the exploration of relationships continues regardless

part 3

Ivy, Kite Man, and the most baffling romance I've ever seen

I genuinely hate this relationship so much that I made an entire other post about it here

it's really god damn long, probably not as long as part 4, but fuck I just want to throttle Kite Man to death with my bare fucking hands

it's less the relationship I hate and more just Kite Man himself, he's not even necessarily a bad character he just fucking sucks and gets away with it every time and it pisses me off

though I do still hate the relationship

part 4

Harley, Ivy, true love, and possibly the best written romance I've seen on television

Harley's season 2 meeting with Mr. Freeze tells us a lot about what she thinks of love

she sees Mr. Freeze's affection towards his cryogenically frozen wife Nora as creepy and exploitative, and when Mr. Freeze gives his life to save his wife, Harley comments that his actions are 'insane'

admittedly Freeze's expressions of affection do seem very creepy, but Harley's subsequent outburst on how love is bullshit indicates that Freeze's behaviour isn't her real issue

Harley seems to believe that true love was a lie that the Joker sold her to keep her under his control, and, having no other experience, assumes that everyone is just like her and the Joker, and are only trying to get what they want from a relationship without consideration for others

but Nora's reciprocation of Mr. Freeze's affection when Harley unfreezes her quickly begins to cast doubt on her previous notion and challenges her perception of love itself

and then she finds her own true love and everything changes

enter the beautiful mess that is Harlivy

"I love you, in a very odd, hard-to-articulate way." - Ivy to Harley in episode 1

it seems clear from a writing standpoint that these two were going to be together romantically from episode 1 and on, the build up to which is noticeable yet sufficiently subtle, and I do think Ivy fell first and by first I mean before the show even begins, and if these two aren't the fucking definition of the fell first/fell harder trope

and Harley falls HARD

early on, her true feelings for Ivy, unexpressed, seem to take up every waking moment of her mind, and she struggles to avoid ruining her relationship with Ivy, while also desperately wanting to take a risk that could ruin it for good, after all, Ivy is marrying and committing to a hetero monogamous relationship with fucking Kite Man for some fucking reason

"You're here, and you're queer. Get used to it!" - Harley to Ivy after Ivy cheated on Kite Man with her

did Ivy already know that she is queer? based on her Catwoman anecdote, yes, and it seems like Harley was also aware of her own queerness, it is odd to see a queer relationship in media where no one involved is overtly struggling with their own sexuality or gender, it's not necessarily a bad thing, nor is it something completely new, it's just unexpected

unfortunately, we do have to talk about the giant kite-shaped elephant in the room, except, just kidding, no we don't, fuck that guy go back to part 3 if you care, his whole relationship was nothing but an obstacle in my opinion, but I should bring up the infidelity

in a monogamous relationship, when one partner engages in sexual or romantic pursuits with a third party without the other partner's consent or knowledge, that is categorised as 'cheating' and is widely seen as a profound breach of trust and a betrayal of the highest order, I think this is because monogamous relationships are built on exclusivity and trusting that your partner will not break their vow of exclusivity that they have sworn to uphold under any circumstances (sometimes there are exceptions I guess whatever)

to my understanding infidelity is often indicative of a want that falls beyond the boundaries of monogamy and is often not communicated properly for lack of courage, lack of will, or simple adversity to change

Ivy's want seems to be Harley, and her challenge seems to be adversity to change and a lack of self confidence/courage

from what I understand, it's the same as someone you thought you could count on more than anyone else in the world breaking an important promise that they made to you with utmost sincerity, and that shit sucks for anyone regardless of sexuality or circumstance

I have already spent way too much time on probably unnecessarily explaining adultery, but I'm aroace so I am just trying to work through it and understand it myself and am not actually certain if my understanding is accurate so please correct me if I'm wrong this is all third hand information

moving right along, we can finally watch the romance begin, enter the eat bang kill tour

Harley and Ivy have, up till this point, still not had a single healthy romantic relationship, and it really shows, but quite crucially they are improving every episode and trying their best to work it out

Harley, having never really experienced real romantic love before, is desperate to feel as loved as possible, and once she has felt it for the first time, she never wants to let go

she prolongs the eat bang kill tour as long as she possibly can, showering Ivy with gifts and doing crazy stuff that only serial killers would find fun, just trying to keep that high of the 'honeymoon phase" alive for as long as she can

Harley does not want to exist without Ivy if it means potentially losing the amazing feelings that she is experiencing for the very first time in her life

on the other hand, Ivy is very reserved and submissive, she has trouble voicing her true feelings to Harley and suffers for it, a similar pattern of behaviour that she exhibited with Kite Man

Ivy just can't say no, she also does not want to lose that high, but has a different approach to maintaining it

"A big part of being in a relationship is not always telling the exact truth. And that way, you can get what you need without hurting anyone's feelings." - Poison Ivy

this line is incredibly telling of Ivy's past relationships, and it will become a challenge that she must overcome if she wants any hope of actually forming a healthy relationship

and hey, maybe a little lie here and there isn't so bad for a relationship, that's not for me to say and I honestly don't know, but Ivy seems to use the technique excessively to her own detriment

but I mean, what would a compelling dramatic romance be without serious communication issues?

and all these little minor contentions and miscommunications finally build up to the first major conflict in Harley and Ivy's relationship, Edin

it turns out Harley and Ivy might not be on the same page about the whole extermination of humanity, and their failure to communicate that ends in horror as, despite Ivy's wishes, Harley makes a sacrifice that forces Ivy to choose between Harley's life and her own dream

Ivy chooses Harley of course, but this moment rattles their relationship dynamic dramatically and Harley panics, deciding that she wasn't being very supportive of Ivy, and still being desperate not to lose her newfound happiness, she lapses back into her behaviour from when she was with Joker, Harley goes right back to doing exactly what she's told without question and with great enthusiasm in spite of her own personal opinion, because that's how she has handled conflict historically, that's what has worked and she will do anything to hold on to that feeling she has had being with Poison Ivy

Ivy mistakes Harley's new found enthusiasm as genuine, and it takes the Joker himself to point out that she is doing exactly what he did to Harley so long ago, so Ivy asks Harley what she really wants

and now comes my favourite part, the very problematic Valentine's Day special

in spite of the many problematic events of the episode, there will never be a sweeter moment than Ivy sharing her favourite Valentine's Day with Harley, it just melts my heart every time I watch it

as for the problematic part there's nothing new, it's some standard self aware hijinks that affirms that the writers are aware of the unhealthy behaviours exhibited by the two leads and exploring that dynamic is all part of the story, mostly centering on Harley's fixation on being the best partner possible mixed with lasting psychological damage, all from her time with the Joker, but the resolution is adorable

I can't really describe Ivy's favourite Valentine's Day, you just have to watch it, it honestly is the most wholesome and genuine moment in the show, and I can hardly think of any other moment in any other show that can top it either

entering season 4, Harley and Ivy's latest challenge is to set up professional boundaries and segregate their own personal lives from their work lives seeing as they are now each working on opposing sides of a conflict

it's a struggle to be sure, and each partner is terrified that without their shared proclivity for villainy, a rift may form in their relationship

the fear is certainly justified, but despite the challenges presented by their professional split they manage to find other ways to connect

that's pretty much all I have to say on them so far, I think their romance is by far the best part of the show, and I personally believe it to be incredibly well written in spite of what others may think, but it's time to move on

"I mean man. You know me better than anyone." - Ivy

"You're easy to celebrate." - Harley

"And you're fun to celebrate with." - Ivy

part 5

found family vs blood relatives

"You people are not my family, and you know what? You're not even worth it." - Harley to her parents after they tried to murder her

there's no doubt that Harley's family fucking sucks, and you'll be hard pressed to find a family that doesn't anywhere in this show

Ivy's parents were abusive, Harley's were manipulative, Kite Man's are assholes, Batman's are dead, as are Nightwing's, Dr. Psycho is intentionally a terrible father and unintentionally a terrible husband, Sy locked his sister in a basement, Barbara's father is an alcoholic deadbeat and her mother left, King Shark hates his asshole father and killed multiple of his brothers, Robin's father is an emotionally repressed billionaire playboy and his mother is a sociopathic assassin that wants nothing to do with him, the list goes on

every blood family has fallen apart and some of the members have scattered to various found families

the show initially centres on one found family in particular, Harley's crew, but later shifts much of the focus on the bat family as well

both of these families are as dysfunctional as the next, but there is a sense of love and belonging that they bring to each member that families are known to have

what really makes a family? it's hard to say, I think it's like a sort of community that always has your back, even when you're wrong, and maybe you don't like each other all the time, but there is still a sort of love between everyone

families spend time together, but if they live together they're always trying to get away from each other, they support each other, but they will rescind their support if they think you're doing dumb shit that they don't like, they love each other, but may not often express it, sometimes they get along, and sometimes they don't, there is a certain dichotomy to a familial relationship that doesn't really exist in most other relationships

where as you might need to like your friends in order to stay friends, families can maintain a bond in spite of quarrels and disagreements, not everyone will like it, but it's what you've got

in this sense, families are the only relationship that you can never really seem to escape, Dick came back to Gotham, Robin left with his mother, Ivy tore the city apart to rescue Frank, Harley always rescues her crew, and they always rescue her

but the familial aspect does not define a relationship, other relationships will exist between family members that are not inherently related, you can be friends with your family, mere acquaintances, even enemies, or something else entirely

Batgirl and Harley are both new to the bat family, but despite their short tenure, both are given a sense of family from people they know very little about

in my experience, found family often comes from where you least expect it, Batgirl was probably the only person not absolutely shocked to their core to see Harley Quinn herself joining the bat family, and Sy was just Harley and Ivy's landlord before he sacrificed his physical body for them, Frank is a fucking plant, who would expect that their best friend would be a sentient fucking plant?

at some point Nightwing seems to heavily backtrack out of nowhere and stops treating Harley as part of the family, this, to me, seems to be just a poor writing choice seeing as Nightwing was previously very enthusiastic to have Harley in the family

while his concerns may be justified, it's weird that they are only just now being expressed

part 6

Nora Freeze, Batman, Bane, Jim Gordon, Batgirl, Alfred, Poison Ivy, and loneliness

Catwoman is the only lonely character that can tolerate being alone, she even prefers it

whereas Nora, Batman, Bane, Jim, Barbara, Ivy, and Alfred on the other hand each contend with their own particular brand of loneliness and each cope with it in their own unhealthy ways

Nora is grieving, Batman is reluctant, Bane is desperate, Jim is self sabotaging, Barbara is insecure, Ivy is traumatised, and Alfred is purposeless

but for this part I want to focus on Nora

in light of her supposed incurable disease, subsequent coma, and the loss of her husband, Nora has never been more alone

she has no one to turn to, and no one to support her as she grieves for all that she has lost, and I don't mean to imply that Nora's husband was what gave her life value or meaning, in reality it's only a small part of the life she left behind

Nora expressed that her fundamental life changes have left her alienated from all of her previous relationships, her friends and family all expect her to be someone that she no longer is

Nora seems to turn to drugs and alcohol for relief, she seems lost and doesn't know what to do, she just kind of eventually stumbles into her new job working for Ivy, and doesn't take it very seriously

she is understandably put off of serious relationships, and seems to just engage in sex for fun, which is not actually a problem though some characters may disagree

the people of this world have never been lonelier than they are now, and Nora is hardly alone in her isolation

Batgirl's earnest demeanor and nerdy vibe make it difficult for her to make friends, and her deadbeat parents don't pay any attention to her, though things seem to be even worse on the occasion that they do

Jim is married to the job as they say, though this is largely comedic he shows no signs of improvement

Bane is just not very bright and no one takes him seriously, though he does find someone in the end

Ivy hates humanity, but she still seeks companionship from those few she deems worthy, the only trouble is how few she deems worthy, and it's difficult to say whether this is her fault, or theirs, but she does find people she can connect with, and is definitely happier for it

why she deems Kite Man worthy will forever be a mystery to me

part 7

the Joker takes a stab at healthy relationships

after season 1 the Joker is presumed dead, but Harley and Ivy soon discover that he survived, as a basic bitch white suburban amnesiac with no memory of his true identity

his confusion provides the catalyst through which the Joker begins a romantic relationship with the totally unsuspecting Bethany, and by extension he becomes the step father to her two children

the relationship continues for a short number of months until Harley, in a desperate bid to save the city, violently reminds Joker of his true identity

this time around Joker remembers his own life as well as the life he had lived as an amnesiac and is immediately disgusted with himself

he breaks off his relationship with Bethany because she challenges his perception of his own identity and that scares him

however, upon realising how much happier he was as an amnesiac living with Bethany and her children, he decides that maybe he can give the whole true love thing a shot, after all, lots of dads are serial killers

and thus the true romance of Bethany and the Joker finally begins, it's honestly kind of surprising that Bethany still wanted to date the Joker and not the other way around, but I suppose it's understandable if you've already spent so much time together, plus Bethany and her kids were excessively eager when Joker announced to them his return to crime so maybe they were kind of into it the whole time

part 8

Jim Gordon and his (seemingly) one sided friendship with the Batman

Batman is self admittedly "not good with feelings" and by extension, personal relationships

he is incredibly insistent that he "work[s] alone"

he is dismissive of Jim's constant insistence that they are friends and not just coworkers, but in spite of this attitude Harley is able to convince Batman that Jim Gordon is not just a coworker, but might just be his one and only friend

the idea that they are friends is further compounded by the comedically timed screen saver of Batman's computer that shows him and Gordon together celebrating

after Harley's intervention their friendship remains very one sided with Gordon constantly seeking Batman's validation and approval, but Batman at the very least has acknowledged the truth of their relationship

part 9

can people change

can Harley become someone reliable and dependable?

can Ivy count on and trust someone other than herself?

can the Joker become a suburban dad?

can Psycho stop calling women cunts?

can Kite Man do anything right ever?

can people change?

according to the show, the answer is yes

Nora Freeze spent years in a cryogenic coma, and upon her revival, lost the love of her life

her friends all expected her to be the way they remembered, but the experience had a deep impact that spurred a fundamental change within her

she didn't just lose her husband by waking from the coma, she lost her entire life as well, she feels like an entirely new person, and it leaves her lost and lonely, but it wasn't her husband's death that left her all alone

Harley and Ivy are both forced to undergo changes in order to make their relationship work, but they don't just change for the sake of each other, they change for their own sake as well

these changes are what allow them to form all kinds of new positive relationships, but failure to change promises severe social consequences

Jim Gordon's failure to change guarantees the continuation of his misery, he could have had a loving family and admits that he loved being a father, but he ultimately decides that change is scarier than loneliness

part 10

Ivy and Swamp Thing, the end of friendship

"You never let me express myself, Ivy! This is why we stopped being friends." - Swamp Thing in a fit of rage

many of us have had that one friend that would whinge for hours on end about their problems, but would suddenly have something better to do when it was our turn to complain, unfortunately some of us have even been that friend

it can be incredibly frustrating for the listener, and the whinger often doesn't even realise that they're doing it

Ivy was that friend to Swamp Thing, and until now she never even knew the true reason they stopped being friends in the first place

it's tough to know when to give people a chance, and when to cut a toxic friend out of your life for good, Swamp Thing had to make that call for his own sake, and it seems to have paid off

their hiatus apart allowed Ivy the time she needed to grow, so that she could be a good friend for a change

it's also an example of the idea that the end of a relationship doesn't always have to be for good, people and circumstances change, and sometimes reconnecting can lead to a better relationship than you ever had before

so it's finally done, I have been writing this post for fucking ages now even though no one will ever read it, but at this point it's mostly for me anyway so no harm done, this blog is basically my diary as it is

I didn't even talk about everything I wanted to but it has been months so I'm finally just going to post it

[inkblackorchid]

Hi! How do you feel about the Crashtown mini-arc?

Ahhh, Crashtown. Honestly, I’m extremely in two minds about the arc. See, here’s the thing. When I watch it, it’s a great deal of fun. It’s a very self-contained little story that has all the necessary setup and payoff built into itself, and the cowboy aesthetics in Crashtown’s unique setting, while technically still being part of 5Ds’ largely futuristic canon, are absolutely hilarious. Not to speak of the excellent dramatics, what with Kiryu being in his depressed bitch era and needing the Power of Friendship to remember why it’s nice to be alive. So, in isolation, I find Crashtown very funny and its self-contained story compelling.

However, sometimes, I get a little frustrated knowing how many episodes this arc takes up, because where the larger narrative is concerned, Crashtown accomplishes… Well, nothing, unfortunately. It doesn’t interact with the main plot in any way, doesn’t develop Yusei’s character in a particular way (because we already knew he’s a special kind of loyal-as-a-dog-devoted when it comes to Kiryu; if anything, Crashtown only shows us that he’s also a little more gullible than usual when Kiryu gets brought up), and while it does give Kiryu meaningful character progression, he’s sadly never relevant again after this point in the show (literally the only two times he shows up after this point is during the flashback of everyone cheering Yusei on during his duel with Z-ONE and in the epilogue as he loses to Jack). Worse yet, the whole arc begs the question of why only Kiryu and no other dark signer got this kind of tying-up-loose-ends treatment. (The answer, I believe, is that he’s specifically the dark signer who has the strongest ties to Yusei in particular, which awards him special treatment. That does nothing to justify why Carly, who I’d go as far as saying is at least equally important to Jack as Kiryu is to Yusei, doesn’t get anything like this, though, and is instead sidelined because she has amnesia. You know. Amnesia. Everyone’s favourite trope. Which Kiryu, curiously, also doesn’t have.) And considering how often I lament about the things I wish 5Ds canon had spent more time on, I don’t think it comes as a surprise that it leaves a slight, bitter aftertaste in my mouth that an arc like Crashtown that adds nothing to the larger plot or any character other than Kiryu gets so many episodes while many things I wish the show had addressed don’t get a single one.

So, Crashtown’s kind of a mixed bag for me. I think the best way to sum it up would be this: If you handed me the reins for a full 5Ds rewrite, one of two things would happen. Either the show would gain another twenty or so episodes where I’d try to give all the other dark signers similar treatment as Kiryu in Crashtown, developing both them and the main cast members they interact with more (and also try to make them at least show up one more time before the Ark Cradle arc, even if only to cheer Team 5Ds on during the WRGP), or Crashtown would be left on the cutting room floor entirely, because if the only way to improve the main cast and plot were to find time for all the necessary adjustments within the exact same episode count we already have, Crashtown (and all of the pre-WRGP arc’s pure filler episodes) would be the first thing to go.

Don’t get me wrong, the yeehaw arc has excellent aesthetics, excellent dramatics, and is great fun every time I rewatch it, so I don’t fault anyone for loving it to bits, I absolutely get it. My inner overanalyst/canon rewriter just can’t unsee how many episodes it took up that were desperately needed for other stuff sometimes.

[locallixie]

best friends — han

> summary . "used to stick together. You're my best friend, i'll love you forever."

> genre . angst, best friends-to-lovers, best friend!jisung, gn!reader

> warnings . mention of self-harm

(wc) > 1.6k

(taglist) > @jihanlovic

(sunny's note) ☆ i've been so up and down this week, maybe that's why this exist. this is the last post before july, happy pride by the way! inspo from "You Got Me So High" - The Neighbourhood.

When did the air got so tense between the two of you? You and Jisung has been friends for years, best friends even. Though it was perfectly logical for you to feel upset, when he showed up out of the blue after five years of ghosting you. Five whole years, he got you waiting and begging for a reply on the other line, just to find out that he fled to elsewhere.

Regardless of what he did, you agreed to meet him to catch up on things. But maybe it was a bad idea, you didn't know how to start a conversation, and neither did Jisung. What would you talk about to him? 'How have you been?' 'Isn't the weather today so weird?' 'Why did you leave without saying anything?'

"I hope you're not mad at me, for what happened between us." Jisung said, his eyes were on the floor since he couldn't bring himself to face you. He was not the best at dealing with serious situations like what was unfolding now.

You nodded, "Don't worry, I'm fine." No, you were disappointed, were absolutely furious. But you had to save face, and blowing up on him was not going to solve anything. When Jisung left, your entire group fell apart. As if he was holding them together, because Jisung was close to everyone and was a vital part. So when he decided that he have had enough with all of you, everyone began going on their own ways as well. Only a few you still kept in contact with, remained friends.

"The past is in the past." You told, your fingers digging into the glass surface of your drink.

"[Y/N], even if you are, it's fair, I understand." Jisung added. He knew, he knew it all that back then he shouldn't have left so sudden. And he knew, to ease his mind that would not rest; he had to mend things with the people he had once caused pain. Starting with you, the hardest person out of everyone. You weren't a terrible person per se; it was just that you were mentally straining for him to face. Especially after what he had done to you.

You meant too much to him, too much to bear for a fact. Everything, everything ached inside. His emotional unavailability, your romantic feelings; they didn't seem to mix. At night, he stayed up with his head filled with regrets. If only he could have been a better person for you, if only his dumb self could accept the love you gave him, if only things didn't end this badly. Was he too late already? Now that he was living better without you, it felt wrong to say so. Oh, he wished he could have been this version of himself when you two were still friends. Yet, as much as he hated to admit; he couldn't have progressed if he chose to stay. Maybe it was all written in the book; that he had to go on his own for the story to continue.

Jisung almost wished that you didn't say 'I love you' back then, all of this mess wouldn't have happened; and maybe you two could remain as friends. But no, he was so overjoyed when you asked him out—simply because you were his first relationship. Though there were doubts, he was afraid of something that he couldn't quite grasp just yet. Feelings stood in the way of friendship, no longer friends, but he couldn't comprehend the fact that you two were lovers either.

"How are the others? Have you been talking to them?" Jisung switched topic, an attempt to push away his emotions. Flashing a smile, forcefully, to the point where his facial muscles felt a bit sore.

You changed the direction of your gaze, sipping your drink as you gazed at the scenery out in the window. "I've only been talking to Felix, I'm not sure about the rest."

"Well, is he doing fine then?" He kept going, he wasn't in a good mental state to talk about 'us' right now. However, the more he tried to deviate from the main topic and his feelings with other trivial matters, they came for him when he began to notice how much changes happened in the duration of his absence. Even you, whom he thought he knew well, didn't feel like the you from his hazy memories. You talked differently, dressed differently, acted differently. Not anymore, the you he once fell in love with, the you he called his best friend. Who was this person sitting in front of him?

The atmosphere has never been as awkward as it was in this moment; he was trying not to cry and you were hesitating at addressing the actual problem. You didn't want to hurt him, though, you were denying the fact that he hurt you. Han Jisung disappeared and came back another person, you hated that you still would love him regardless of how much he may change.

"Felix is doing fine, you should give him a call sometime, I'm sure he would love to speak to you." You told, turning your eyes on him.

"What have you been up to, Jisung?" Asked, shifting the spotlight over to him. You were curious of where he went after leaving, he definitely had a glow-up from how much more attractive he became.

You could tell that he learned to take care of himself, developed a sense of style. But you saw right through that shell, after everything, he was still there. The boy you loved before, sitting across from you and chatting with you, as if none of the things that tore you apart ever existed.

A week ahead of this meet-up, he had a dream. Where you were there, in a house party full of people. As soon as he spotted you, his feet gravitated towards your direction. However, in a split second, he physically hesitated. Despite how much his heart yearned for you, his mind couldn't bring itself to be rejected. Maybe it was a way of self-defence, to further maintain the silence, keeping himself away from you was the best option. Much rather he would stay quiet, until you forget about him entirely so you wouldn't get hurt once again.

Though, he didn't know what happened. Because he did approached you, and being face-to-face with his fear was terrifying. That was a sign, dreams were suspected to convey messages of our waking life. He had to, so much regrets and distress had built up throughout the long, lonely years about the same subject, make amends with his best friend—you.

"I missed you, [Y/N]." Jisung blurted out, his eyes glossy as he tried to look at you. His true dream was to be with you.

He couldn't stop thinking about you when he left, and he wondered, did you ever think of him too? Jisung despised himself for one thing, that deep down inside he wanted to see you miserable without him. If you were absolutely shitty when he wasn't in the picture, he would gladly come back to regain the position of the light of your life. But as he matured, he realized that he was the problem. Once making you the antagonist of his story, and everyone else treated him terrible. In actuality, he was the most toxic person. Abuser never really notice their actions to be abuse, guess he was the wolf in sheep's clothing all along. How could he?

Keeping a conversation going was never as difficult as it was for the two of you, there was just this invisible wall of sort that created distance between you and Jisung. The rain had stopped for a bit, hopefully you could get home by the time it start again.

"Do you have a ride? Or I can drive you home." Jisung offered, gesturing to his parked motorbike by the sidewalk.

"Wouldn't it rain soon?" You asked.

"It would be more fun." Jisung smiled, guiding you to his vehicle. You glanced down at his forearm, the scars of the past was still there and has yet to fade completely. You remembered, crying and begging him to not do anything stupid when he walked in with his arms all wrapped in bandages. Seeing them once more was strangely relieving, you were glad that he had chose to stay.

For old times' sake, you got on the back of his motorbike. You used to be the one driving, while he held onto you as you brought him sight-seeing. One time where he received a call from you, just minutes after you bid him goodbye and drove away; caught him off guard when you started crying because you fell off your motorbike on the side of the road. He didn't know what to do, why didn't you call your mom or the hospital instead of him? He was worried sick and was miles away from where you were. Your youth were filled with him, in a way, your friendship was all you knew.

You hugged his waist, leaning your body against his back as you rested your head on his shoulder. Things felt slow, with Jisung around and it was a comatose. If only this moment could last a little longer, and your destination was a little farther. You would absolutely trade anything to have things back to how it used to be—Jisung would happily do the same. As scared as he was to reconnect with you, he desperately wanted and needed to, because he treasured you too much.

You spoke up into the summer breeze, "You know what, Jisung? I am upset, and I hate you! What are you going to do about that?" You didn't want him to come back into your life, just to cause you pain. Both has grown from mistakes, both has came into terms that you and him has hurt one another.

"You're my best friend, [Y/N], I'll love you forever!" Jisung beamed, the gummy and bright smile whenever he think about you.

[strxnged]

CYNO: # those who trespass.

word count. 2k. genre. adventure, platonic.

overview. with false rumours spreading that your research at the akademiya is concerned with forbidden knowledge, you travel across the desert to prove the subject's validity and your own integrity. but the lies seemed to have reached the ears of a certain law-upholding mahamatra.

warnings. fear, slight claustrophobia, one (1) bad joke from cyno. childhood best friends to percieved strangers trope ?

You had never expected to find yourself in the dry heat of the Hypostyle Desert, collecting information on the mystery of ancient times before. You were out of the direct sunlight, deep underground within the ruins of a temple, and you were close; you could feel the hair on your neck rise in anticipation. This room of the temple was the one you had been meant to find, and the thick pillar with the goat statue atop was the site which would hold the answers. As always, the answers would lead to more questions, but even a report of what you knew you would discover hidden in that pillar—the ancient power, and more importantly, the ancient tale—would carry you away from the endless respite from progress. It had only been luck that had led you here—luck, and some fear of lies that had followed you. Yes, this would be it, that last piece that would reclaim for you the reputation you sought.

But said lies you now heard the footsteps of, echoing dramatically down the long stone hall behind you.

“There’s nowhere for you to run.” The General Mahamatra—for you knew it was him—rather harshly stated your own thoughts aloud.

You knew it to be true, and yet you were not ready to give up. “There’s no grounds on which you can arrest me,” you declared, facing him more boldly than you felt. You mustered up the strength to look in his scarlet eyes. Your fear increased rapidly. Judging from his stance, staff held out to prevent any of your attempts of escape… he seemed to be beyond showing mercy.

“What gives you that impression?” At the General Mahamatra’s threatening gaze, you could feel your confidence begin to shatter. Even though you knew you hadn’t broken the law, you were beginning to feel the guilt of someone who had. The case had nothing to do with you. You didn’t even know where the rumours had started; only that you had been tracked here by the upholder of justice. He wasn’t Cyno to you anymore, nor he had he been for years. Clearly, things had change.

“If you lie to me, do not expect me to protect you from the law just because of our past friendship. Justice shall reveal your sins even as your lips tell falsehood.”

“For the last time, I had no part in it!” you said, feeling your voice hesitate. It seemed to be too late for your emotions to help declare sincerity.

“Then tell me,” he said, “why you fled to the furthest reaches of the Great Red Sands the day word spread of the project? A fair trial would have allowed you innocence. You are using forbidden knowledge as a crutch in your studies, and I will not regret.”

You could not speak again, because you knew this was going nowhere. The cold pillar behind you was all you could cling onto to steady your trembling.

The General Mahamatra eyed the pillar behind you, as if he noticed something worthy of suspicion.

Was it you shaking, or the pillar?

Before you had a chance to process what was happening, the General Mahamatra suddenly lunged towards you. It was hard to tell quite what had occurred in the moment that took you from beside the pillar to several feet down the stone hall, but you could faintly identify the feeling of hands leaving your torso and a blinding flash of Electro, as well as brief but overpowering motion.

Then, a sound like waves of fire exploded from the room, and it appeared that the entire chamber might come crashing down atop of you. As you readjusted your eyes, you could see that the pillar had been dispelled, and a great orange light with a peculiarly—familiarly—shaped artifact hung in the center of it.

Yes, you had been close to discovering the secret. But you might spend your life in prison before ever getting to finish your research, now. 

It was growing hotter in the hall; you could only wonder if your skin might have melted off had you stayed next to the pillar. Had… had you not been saved by…?

The General Mahamatra stood at the wall opposite you, also peering into the room in faint wonder. He seemed to have forgotten your perceived sins for the moment, the awe of the relic consuming his mind as much as yours.

You knew what this was, however. This was the hilt of a weapon once wielded by a descendant of King Deshret, as far as your research had led you to believe.

Recalling a scroll you had read on a related weapon, you wondered what might be making this piece so unstable. Was it the presence of a similar weapon? Or… some unresolved curse?

“The cycle of seven must be removed….”

A voice groaned from within the fiery glow.

Perhaps it was all of the above. A glance at the General Mahamatra seemed to confirm this; he was holding his weapon with wide eyes, as it seemed to be dragged by some invisible force towards the flame. If he didn’t let go of it now, it might drag him into the center of the heat.

Your thoughts whirled as you shouted, “Cyno! We have to get out of h—”

The General Mahamatra would not be getting out of here quite yet. He raised his staff, drawing Electro into a swirl of mulberry purple around him, and his attire seemed to change as the designs on his hood glowed. His arm changed colour too, and in place of his hand a large and terrible claw took form. He stepped once towards the room, and then took two more steps, crackling with Electro might. He drew back the claw and then released the gathered element at the artifact in increasingly powerful waves.

You could not look away, but you could not fully gaze upon the destruction. The artifact, the hilt—it seemed to wither away, and with it, the amber light. It did not cool, as the General Mahamatra did not release his form just yet. He had noticed the ceiling of the room caving in before you might have even thought to look. His claw now supported it, and he looked you dead in the eye.

“Run now, or join the ancients in their grave,” he snarled.

You ran.

—

“You called me Cyno.”

You craned your neck to look over your shoulder from the boulder you sat on outside the ruins. “My apologies,” you said, with less gusto than the comment deserved. The General Mahamatra walked around the boulder, eyed it, and sat right next to you, curtly dusting debris off of himself. You were somewhat relieved to see that he made it out in one piece.

“It does not matter what you call me,” he reprised, “for it does not impact my authority nor the law’s.”

“So what’s your point?”

“Well,” he said, and cleared his throat. He seemed to endeavor eye contact with you, but tore his gaze away after only a moment. This was strange. This was different than five minutes ago underground.

“Well?” you repeated.

“Yes. It made me think to our day. When we were younger. When I was Cyno, Defender of the Law, to you.”

You cleared your throat. “Cyno, Defender of the Law, and Scarlet Sand Authority of Justice.” You felt a bit shy saying something outright like that with the potential of embarrassing him. Especially after seeing how far his capabilities with his vision had come.

“Yes. I was reminded of that.”

Thankfully, he seemed unphased. You ventured to ask, “Aren’t you about to arrest me?”

He cleared his throat. You watched a short smirk form on his face and disappear just as quickly. “No, I need to rest myself first.”

“Hmm. You mean justice can wait for your minor fatigue?”

“No, I…” He looked you earnestly in the eye. “It was a joke.” As you did not immediately respond, he continued. “See, because you said you expected me to ‘arrest’ you, and because I have just exerted myself rather extremely in the ruins, I am in need of ‘a rest.’ So, I responded—”

“I get it, Cyno.”

“You do? You’re not laughing. Was it my delivery?”

You frowned. After all the fear that had led you here, along with the slightly crushing disappointment that your research could not continue on this subject now that the relic had been destroyed by a certain someone, you weren’t really sure what to feel right now. Especially with the General Mahamatra—Cyno, your old friend who you had not seen in years—cracking the same old dry jokes after threatening you with a glaring gaze and justice.

“So, can I call you Cyno again?” you asked.

“You may,” he replied.

“Okay, then, Cyno. What happened to my criminalization?”

“It was a matter of ruling you out. You would not admit to it, nor would you provide any evidence other than that of a dangerous pursuit. Now that the danger has been dispelled—”

“Wait, wait, wait,” you interrupted. “You tracked me down to the desert to keep me from searching for the relic?”

He blinked. “Not quite. I had planned to have you go through trial, and ban you from the topic altogether.”

“That wouldn’t have been very nice.”

“Oh, it would have been better for everyone involved. Do you realize what might have happened if I hadn’t been there to stop you just now?”

“I—” you faltered. Because, no, you did not realize. You hardly knew what set off the relic, much less what Cyno had done to destroy it. “Why didn’t you stop me before I got that close? Or at least be honest with me about it instead of making me panic like that?”

“You are not the kind of person who turns around at warnings of danger. That much is clear from your continued pursuit of the subject, as well as my experience as your acquaintance.”

“Acquaintance? Cyno, we were best buds a few years back!”

“Alright. As your former best bud, I know you to be reckless with your life in the pursuit of knowledge and prestige. In the name of justice, I took it upon myself to keep an eye on your endeavors.”

“In the name of justice?”

“Yes.”

“More like, in the name of a creepy former best bud who’s been watching me for years since we took different paths.”

“I disagree. That is an unfair statement. No, it was in the name of saving your life, and you cannot refute that.”

“I can try.”

“Indeed, you can try because you’re not dead in the ground.”

You clicked your tongue. He had you there.

“Well,” you said. You could not think of what to say next.

“Well?” he repeated. He had a serious look on his face, as always, but the response was so impish that you wanted to slap him.

“At least I’m not getting locked up,” you finally said. 

You had never expected to find yourself in the dry heat of the Hypostyle Desert, once again chatting with an old and dearly beloved friend, who you had thought, some ten minutes ago, was going to kill you.

author's note: yippee cyno. reblog if you agree 🔥🔥🔥

➳ GENSHIN MASTERLIST

[firstyok]

- Moonlight Chicken End Notes -

So, I've just finished Moonlight Chicken, and it was a deep, mature bl series, where it conveyed a lot of realistic life messages. It was new and refreshing to witness such a bl storyline, which speaks for real people.

Below, I've addressed a few of the best things that I've enjoyed about this show.

1. JimWen Chemistry

It was my first exposure to an EarthMix series, so I was definitely excited. The chemistry of the actors was magnetic, and it didn't take a moment to give me butterflies. Wen is super seductive, and I enjoyed it. In the first episode, when they both hooked up, I was like, "Oh wow.. that's.. sexyy", I kept thinking these stuff. So, definitely I loved their chemistry very much in this show.

2. GeminiFourth Acting

Once again, it was my first time watching the acting of GemFourth. I haven't watched MSP, so - MLC is my first exposure. My God, I was in love with their storyline, acting and everything as a whole. I truly loved Fourth's acting range, he is a great actor for such a young age. The way he portrayed such a mature, sharp tongued minor in the story, it was really heart-melting as well as sweet. His slow friendship with heart, was the best part of the show, I'd say. Gemini did a splendid job, portraying the character of a deaf child.

They both had such a lovely rapport, chemistry - I kept looking for their moments in MLC the entire time. For me, these two held the greatest importance to me in the show. The beginning of their meeting with a conflict, that slowly led to understanding both of them, which further led to friendship and young love. The progress in their story was beautiful to witness. I felt so happy to see some specific moments of them, such as Heart's face lighting up when figured that the paper was slid under the door by Li Ming, or the moment when Li Ming first heard Heart speak.

3. The Character of Alan

Eventhough the story presented him in a negative light at first - personally I could vastly relate to Alan. Personally, I'd say he's someone with the most depth and complications. He shared a 5 years long relationship with Wen, which is never an easy thing to let go off. I deeply empathize with Alan, not because he was dumped by Wen, but because his story speaks realistically. It is devastating to be out of love, when the other person still wants to be with you. Eventhough their relationship was not tampered due to Jim's entry, it will still make Alan doubt whether it is something that he lacked, and Jim didn't. It is normal to have these thoughts, because I've been there in his shoes too.

Eventhough he reacted violently with Wen and Jim at the diner, I believe it was valid to acknowledge how frustrated and insecure he had been, when he is losing the love of his life to someone else, in front of his eyes. It's a hard pill to swallow. Later on, I'm relieved how Alan moved on from their relationship after Wen decided to have a clear cut conversation about them during their last barbeque meal. It was necessary, because if he didn't give Alan the closure he needed, he wouldn't have been able to move on, just like all these prior months. Alan is a great character, he is flawed, and speaks life. He didn't use his injuries to hold Wen back, instead he insisted on being left alone, because he knew the hope has subsided. I think that's a wonderful character implication.

5. Gaipa is a Positive Embodiment

If Alan showed the dark side of handling emotions, Gaipa portrayed true well-intent and kindness throughout the series. I really enjoyed Gaipa's character in the series. He was like a ray of sunshine that needed to be added in such a mature heavy series. His role was like a breath of fresh air, whenever he appeared, he either made me feel better, or simply broke my heart - when he got rejected by Jim or when he lost his mother. But I really loved how he handled himself calmly upfront others, eventhough he was tearing apart inside.

His relationship with his mother was also iconic, definitely one of the best moments of the series. It shows how loving and understanding a mother-son relationship should be. It filled my heart with happiness when his mom was completely okay with him being gay, and how she encouraged him to find a lover. Losing such a great mother in his life, has to be the most heartbreaking experience ever, and this show portrayed it so deeply.

6. The Satisfying Ending

The ending of Moonlight Chicken has to be the most satisfying one, eventhough I'd have loved to see Alan and Gaipa officially ending up together. But, I really enjoyed their initial blooming stage of liking each other, it seemed so sweet and refreshing at the end of the show. When Heart and Li Ming were dining together, along with Leng and Praew in the scene too, it seemed like all the lovey dovey couples are finally enjoying their moments with their partners. I loved that scene, and Wen was helping out Jim as usual.

We even got a sneak peak of how maturely Alan handled the situation when he was with Gaipa and Wen gave him water - the smile on his face spoke as if - he deeply appreciated what Wen and Alan once had, but now he has Gaipa, and he has finally moved on from him, to focus entirely on his new budding love. That scene was really symbolic and my eyes teared up at the collective happiness of the show couples.

I've really enjoyed the show, everyone's acting, performance, along with the cinematography was stunning and praiseworthy. Additionally, the cast was a dream team, including EarthMix, FirstKhao, and GeminiFourth. These three couples smoothly pulled off the entire show with their elegance and hardwork! Kudos to the director, and everyone else involved in the production of the series!

[petrichoraline]

We Are Ep.2 thoughts in chronological order

what peem did in the car trying to convince phum to part their ways is what the youth calls ✨a yap sesh✨ (he tried ig) (this is what this post is as well)

we're probably never seeing phum use those things he bought ever, he'll just keep hanging around in his engineer shirt

peem has so many ppl ready to square up for him including his auntie and he is recognised by tan as someone who loves his friends very much (which makes the fact tan has sold him away for time with his crush TWICE even worse lmao)

i don't really get phum's insistence on not telling anyone about being phum's "slave", not even tan who got him into the mess or his best friend but it's just his ego ig (aside from plot reasons)

i find pun more relatable now - tags along for the funsies and gets happy around fire

not convinced the beans and pork scene wasn't an ad but im not sure how cause i didn't clock any labels

the scene where peem brings in food and laughs with q feels like improv or breaking left in lol

fai missing cause of upset stomach might be some sort of foreshadowing and i'm a bit worried bout her

the professor is handsome <3 and could pas off as chimon's sibling in a show

q absorbing those noodles was very satisfying idek why lol

peem and q's friendship is in the background but the show still constantly makes it a point that they are really good and loyal best friends

i thought "oh theyre gonna make the sharing food a thing in the future" so when boys showed up i was like "ah, we're doing it immediately? bit boring" but then he didn't share!! joey never shares food!! i think he will in the future though, him being a foodie is a constant thing so i'm guessing we're using it as a sign of compromise in the name of love or smth

satang playing this type of character felt a bit much in the first episode but i think he's getting more comfortable with the role as the show progresses and it look more natural; i'm glad his character isn't the googly eyed mentee and he actually teases a lot and snaps back but knows when to stop playing because q isn't the most patient person. (matt having to jump in like "bro he's serious" was so funny cause i hadn't clocked that either hahah)

the way we can see q flustered at certain points but seemingly unbothered at others is fun because his reactions aren't entirely predictable at this stage as we're still getting to know him. also it's mad cute when he clearly doesn't know what to do with himself

idk how he hasn't asked toey bout why he's in art yet, ig they're just now starting to properly get to know each other

toey took one look at q's back and decided "that's a cool ass aura to base my entire future around!" and tbh that's very young adult of him

q regularly asking about peem's work being submitted, he's honestyly worried <3

the way i cheered for peem burping in phum's face and then went "oh he came back :(" bahah

phum is definitely already planning his day and schedule around peem, i don't think he'd ever tell his friends because he wants to actually keep it going so one of the reasons is to not run into his faculty friends including tan and the second is to have lunch with his unconscious crush AND I AM VERY HAPPY WITH THIS STUPIDITY

thought peem could overhear the convo behind the car and realise what he was exchanged for but nope, he just dipped; i think that might be a plot point for later

phum not knowing tan has a crush on fang is so weird cause he genuinely acted like he knew while taunting tan, i don't have an explanation for that

fang is their p'!! i was so conviced he was the little brother, ig because of his big round eyes and the way phum acted all protective (that just makes phum cuter tbh)

what is the age difference between bar owner and prof cause i ship it

it took me a bit to realise the nongs were there instead of the full arts gang and i was glad to see toey and q together (also the green sweater is beautiful on toey, hope it makes a comeback)

i was ready to believe fang had some sort of falling out with tan with the way he treated him but tan beaming and enjoying a dreadful setting (no talking, awkward sitting around in a bar with mid music and alcohol) shows that man is glowing just from being in fang's presence (i hope he reaches ridiculous levels of lame for him)

i was screeching when i realised where things were going with wasted peem and seeing him n the bench outside had me exctaticcc (ofc he didnt book a taxi. and ofc they cant just order one for him noww could they)

phum cockblocks but he kinda has to cause there's no reason for fang to be there otherwise; once the ridiculous proposition of him taking peem home comes up he doesn't really fight it at all - he wants to be with peem, sure, but i think he's also pretty okay with tan and fang being a thing

the way i was screaming "just buy the flowers rich boy!!! he wants to go home" and then the kid went to get more lol

ofc he couldnt just leave the flowers in the backseat, peem just has to have them in his lap.. and the seatbelt scene was so predictable but it's too much of a classic with all "figuring things out" parts of a romance that i can't complain

it makes absolutely zero sense aside from people liking people (cause fang knows what he's doing too) that phum would drive peem to his house - a place where tan has sleepovers at all the time and phum hasn't been to before. fang is his brother and they can sleep at the same place as well even if they don't live together but nope. also THAT CAR HAS EMPTY BACKSEATS, if phum wanted to he would've forced them to ride with him to keep an eye on tan

fang is probably planning to launch a big revenge attack on peem and that'd be so funny, those four can get way too entangled, i could get DRAMA out of their plans and schemes (this show is more hidden agenda than hidden agenda was)

tan's energy with fang reminds me of the duracell bunny lmao it's late at night and they've had a few drinks but his mind and body are all focusedon wooing fang (who is playing nonchalant but has probably had a crush on tan as well)

also no way he was just gonna leave tan on the street lol

toey and q aleady work so well together, toey knows his effect on q more or less and q doesn't shy away from being at least a bit vulnerable as of rn; i think they can be one of the best if not the best couple if they have a proper storyline; im certainly enjoying it the more than i thought i would

the fake blush on both toey and peem is ridiculous esp up close but ig they're cartoonishly drnk anyways

auntie took note and now doesn't do facemasks at night, otherwise it would've been an amazing first meeting

"he likes to whine" and she's the one who can't leave the room from complaining sm lol auntie is so cute

ahh, the mandatory "a look around the room shows me you're truly passionate about what you do and you're deeper than i thought" scene..thankfully he didn't mutter "you like painting this much, huh" to nobody cause i was ready to yell HES AN ARTS MAJOR like he kicked you in the balls for a reason doofus

theyre giving us so many closeups of these two and i keep thinking "this is so drama/y im embarrassed" but i have no shame, if it's fun it's fun (and it's pondphuwin, youre not gonna hear me complain about looking at pond's face for too long or from too close)

reaching out to touch his face was a bold choice thoughh i lost it

man down badd man down baddd he was called an asshole and started gleaming like a light bulb

[literatemisfit]

Hi! I don’t have a subscription so I can’t read this full article you posted.

https://www.tumblr.com/literatemisfit/720928934490980352/david-tennant-on-his-wife-georgias-cancer-scare

Could you possibly give a summary or copy/paste what it says (if you’re comfortable with it)? Especially that last part you mentioned as being especially sweet?

Somehow when I went to open it I also got stuck behind a paywall so they must have added one. But I was able to use incognito mode and get access to it anyway. I've copy pasted the entire thing for you so you can see what I mean by sweet ;)

See below:

Georgia Tennant is recalling the moment, at the start of the pandemic, when she realised she was going to be locked down with her husband. ‘David was supposed to be filming in South Africa,’ explains the 38-year-old actor and producer. ‘But then there was a series of phone calls, South Africa shut down, and he turned to me and said: “I’m not going back”.’

Georgia and I share a look that speaks volumes: about the slo-mo dawning experienced by wives all over the world when it became clear they would be trapped with the man they’d promised to love and cherish – but not, crucially, have lunch with every day for weeks on end. About what became more like the premise of a twisted reality TV show when those weeks turned into months

‘I remember having this sudden realisation…’ Glancing at her Scottish stage and screen star husband, Georgia pauses, blue eyes wide, and at this point I’m already smiling because I think I know what’s coming. ‘That, oh my gosh, David’s just going to be here, the whole time.’ I nod compassionately. ‘Which obviously I’d never had before.’ Another nod. We’ve all been there. 

‘And just thinking: that’s really exciting!’

Oh… It’s a needle-across-vinyl moment and I stop mid-nod and stare. Georgia and I are not on the same page. In fact, she seems to be reading an entirely different book: this wife can’t think of anything nicer than being holed up with her husband of 12 years.

‘We just really like each other,’ she says once all three of us have stopped laughing. ‘Even now, we like hanging out with each other more than we like hanging out with anyone else.’ Some might say that’s a pretty good basis for a marriage. ‘Exactly. And when all the kids are around it’s like a commune here, which I love.’

With a semi-apologetic shrug the 52-year-old Doctor Who and Broadchurch star confirms, ‘It’s true.’ There’s no way around it: he too just really likes his wife. ‘In fact, the more time we spend together the more we get on,’ he says. And although I’m not sure I can deal with any more bombshell revelations so early on in an interview, this is probably just as well. Because the Tennants didn’t just end up marooned on the couch together for the duration of the pandemic – with their five children, Ty, 21, Olive, 12, Wilfred, 10, Doris, seven, and Birdie, three – but filming a lockdown TV comedy series, Staged, which became the surprise summer comedy hit of 2020.

The whimsical meta sitcom follows David’s fractious friendship with Welsh actor Michael Sheen as they plan various ill-fated ventures from either side of the world on Zoom. Only this isn’t reality TV, but a hammed-up version. Its two actors forever making a drama out of a crisis, as their partners watch, bemused, occasionally stepping in when things get out of hand.

Georgia and Swedish actress Anna Lundberg’s attitude is probably best described by the bumper sticker quote: ‘Behind every successful man is a woman rolling her eyes’, and audiences liked them so much that their roles get progressively bigger with each series.

Amazingly, Staged outlived the pandemic premise it was built on and I’m here today, in a sleek home office at the back of the couple’s west London home, to talk about the third and final series, which is currently airing on BBC One. Having spent the past 24 hours binge-watching six episodes of the show, I’m slightly thrown by how dialled-down the real David and Georgia are compared with their on-screen personas. He’s far less wild-haired and neurotic in real life – perhaps in part because after a trip to the dental hygienist this morning, he’s not yet been allowed his coffee – and she’s just as beautiful, with the same poise she maintains throughout Staged, but more amused than exasperated, today, by her man.

‘This wasn’t our first project together,’ David reminds me when I ask whether working on the show together over three years didn’t tip this perfect partnership over the edge. ‘After all, Georgia and I did meet on set.’

It’s true that it was while he was playing the Tenth Doctor in 2008 that he met his future wife, who was cast as his genetically engineered daughter in the BBC show. Does Georgia still get endless joy from that? ‘Oh, I’ve had 15 years of joy from that,’ she flings back. ‘Of course, I was already 900 years old at the time,’ David deadpans.

After the Doctor Who years, the pair went on to co-star in the 2017 film, You, Me and Him, which Georgia also produced. Still, when it came to filming Staged, he got ‘incredibly nervous’, he admits. ‘I think we were quite anxious about what that would… do, weren’t we?’

His wife murmurs her agreement, although like her Staged character she seems serene and in control and it’s easy to imagine her talking David down from various ledges in daily life. 

For all their harmony, they seem quite different. Certainly, they come from different backgrounds. As the daughter of actors Peter Davison and Sandra Dickinson, Georgia was born into the profession, making her debut at 15 in ITV’s Peak Practice, before going on to appear in shows such as Where the Heart Is, Like Father Like Son and The Last Detective.

Bathgate-born David, meanwhile, is the son of a Presbyterian church minister, who attended the Royal Scottish Academy of Music and Drama and established himself with the Royal Shakespeare Company and National Theatre early on. After winning the game-changing role of Doctor Who at 34, he has continued to demonstrate his versatility as an actor, flitting from hard-hitting TV dramas like Des in 2020 (playing serial killer Dennis Nilsen) and Litvinenko in 2022 (as the former Russian spy) to playing a demon in Amazon’s ongoing fantasy series Good Omens. Then there’s his stage work: the recent West End play Good, in which he played a professor drawn into Nazism, and a forthcoming stint as Macbeth at London’s Donmar Warehouse in December.

Despite his success, the actor has suffered from acute anxiety ever since he was a boy, fretting about everything from ‘not being good enough’ and ‘being found out’ (as he told one interviewer in 2019) to the loss of anonymity he knew he’d experience back in 2005, when he was cast as a TV hero he’d idolised from the age of three. ‘Because with a show like Doctor Who,’ he tells me, ‘it’s on a different scale.’ 

As anyone who suffers from anxiety knows, the primary, all-consuming worry is that everything ‘probably will go wrong’ at any given moment. In 2018 something did go very wrong when Georgia was diagnosed with cervical cancer – something she shared in her blog, despite usually being a private person. ‘I thought it was easier than having to phone everyone and tell them,’ she explains today.

‘It was a very weird experience,’ muses David. ‘Because we found out the bad news after it had been dealt with, so we had the relief at the same time as the horror.’ 

Following an abnormal smear test result, Georgia had a biopsy and a cervical excision to remove the tissue causing concern. It was only after that procedure that test results showed the cells had been cancerous. David pauses, looking at his wife. ‘At least we were spared the prospect of living with, “You’ve got this, and can it be caught?” But I still have these flashbacks of “What if you hadn’t…?”’ He shakes his head. ‘I don’t think I acknowledged at the time how serious it could have been.’

The couple were too busy ‘just dealing with each stage’, David goes on. ‘The slightly funky test and then going in and having the biopsy.’ 

‘But I did make you answer the phone, when we were waiting to hear [the results],’ Georgia cuts in. ‘I obviously knew there was going to be something, so David got the news first: that it was bad but that they’d got rid of it. And then he made me get on the phone so that I could hear it from the doctor myself, because he knew that was something I needed to do.’

Afterwards, ‘both of us were just numb,’ David murmurs. ‘It was such a Sliding Doors moment. Even a few months later it could have been too late.’ 

‘Which is why now,’ Georgia concludes wryly, ‘I’ll tell everyone with a cervix: go and get yourself checked.’

With the couple’s eldest son Ty now a successful actor – having starred in the TV series War of the Worlds and HBO’s House of the Dragon – and Olive, then 10, making her big-screen debut in Kenneth Branagh’s Oscar-winning film Belfast, two years ago, I’m curious to know how they both feel about their brood following in their footsteps? ‘I just want them to be happy and to be able to survive in the world,’ Georgia says. ‘So if acting is what they want to do…’

It helps that the industry feels fairer now in almost every way, they believe, and we segue into a discussion about inclusivity and ‘real representation’ in acting – meaning, for example, that only LGBTQ actors should play LGBTQ roles. Until we’re all caught up, David maintains, ‘you have to protect those spaces for actors who come from those communities’.

It also helps that the industry is a safer place for women now than it was 10 years ago, says Georgia. ‘Because it 

definitely is,’ she adds. ‘Things happened to me when I was younger that I now realise were not great, but at the time I thought it was all part of it – that I had to laugh them off. I’m talking about situations that made me feel uncomfortable,’ she explains. ‘Now I would be able to say so, but at the time the dialogue just wasn’t there. And I don’t think any of our kids would have to feel like that now. Even if they did, they would have the words and the people behind them to say: “that’s not OK”.’

David is currently filming the Disney+ series Rivals, based on Jilly Cooper’s famous bonkbuster, he tells me. ‘And there’s an “intimacy co-ordinator” on that because there’s quite a lot of shagging, so everyone’s being very appropriate and careful.’ 

But doesn’t it feel strange having your sex scenes ‘co-ordinated’? ‘Oh, it’s ludicrous.’ He grins. ‘Because it means you’re making the most intimate, private moments very compartmentalised and that there’s someone there asking the embarrassing questions nobody did historically – but that’s because you’re not doing these things with your actual partner. So that’s another thing that has got better over the years.’ He tilts his head to one side, narrows his eyes: ‘That said, there are still lots of reasons not to become an actor.’

This seems as good a place to end as any, and as the Tennants take me back through the garden to a side gate, Georgia tells her husband she’s ‘going for a manicure – and you have to come with me’. When I leave they’re still bickering gently, with David asking: ‘Why do I have to come?’ I don’t catch his wife’s reply, but I suspect it’s just because she really likes him.

[bylertruther]

Hello hai I’m messaging you because you seem knowledgeable about the fanfic sphere and also seem to be one of the few people that actually understand Will and stuff so I was wondering if you have any fic recs that characterize him well. Obviously ur a byler person so stuff like that but if you have any others you think are good (like Will interacting with Jonathan or something) that would also be cool. Don’t answer if you don’t want to but if you do it would be much appreciated <3

ooooh, fun! i love talking about fan fiction, so thank you for giving me the opportunity to gush. :) i haven't read everything out there, but i'll try my best to share what i have come across. i'm very sick right now so i'm most definitely leaving authors out, but here are some that i found myself really enjoying and that resonated with me:

anything by wiseatom and boygirl. their will always reads as really balanced to me, and that same gentleness and whimsy that will has and represents in canon is threaded through and highlighted in their works in such a fantastic, reverent way. they allow will to be as he is, to exist in his every shade, and it's so lovely to read. i always come away from their works feeling like they really love him and don't want or need him to be anyone other than who he is.

belonging to your dreams. it's a series featuring richie and will! the first part focuses on their friendship, and the second part is an in-progress season four continuation that is admittedly more of an ensemble piece, but the will scenes are still fantastic. honestly, this feels like the biggest love letter to will byers ever. they don't make him out to be anyone that he isn't and they really capture his values in such a lovely way. it has so much heart and so much love—for the source material, for will, and for those that see themselves in him. i post screenshots from these fics all the time and reread them over and over again, because they just make me so happy and fill me with so much love for him lol.

anything by byliever. they write married adult byler with kids and i really, really enjoy it! i feel that their writing and characterization is really unique in this fandom—it provides a perspective that i've yet to see in any other works. it feels really true to character, too, and i love the depth they've given them. so, so, so much love in their writing.

anything by pseudologia. it's unfortunately rare to see people break out of that "hyper-repressed will (re: everything, but especially his sexuality)" characterization that's common in all types of fandom works, and this author's work feels like one of the most accurate representations of what an older will could be like. it just feels like a natural progression for him and the journey that he's on now in the show, and i'm so glad that someone sees the vision, too. their will sounds like will, thinks like will, and has little details that i love and personally agree with. another really balanced portrayal, i feel—he's allowed to be so many things and it all just feels so natural and so human.

be the boy. it's mostly mike pov, but my god... it's just so beautiful, fun, and full of love and life. i reread it while grabbing the link and i got all emotional again. it's just... beautiful. that's the only word i can think to describe it. they capture his essence so wonderfully in this lighthearted context—that unwillingness to love anything other than what he loves with his entire heart and his commitment to that, that mischievousness and razor-sharp awareness that he has, his capacity for mercy and hope, the strength that he draws from mike and his love for him—and it really pulls at your heartstrings. the ending scene is perfection. the jonwill is jonwilling. the willel is willeling. a feel-good fic for sure.

an ode to hope (and other funny things). i think about this fic whenever i eat ziti now <3 hehe. yet another fic that i felt captured will's heart, his hope, his love, and his merciful nature so, so beautifully, and with such care, too. it's such a treat to read and it leaves you feeling held.

The Breath That Passed From You To Me. mermaid!will au, who cheered? another author that you can tell really loves will. beautiful world- and character-building. this author captures will perfectly in every single way, i feel. he's brave, sincere, loving, and adaptable. he's just... will. their writing is so dear to me. a must read for sure.

anything by smoosnoom (moonsooms). they're well-known for a reason! i particularly love that they're not afraid to shine a light on and bring out every side of the characters they write about. their characters and the stories they tell are always very human, very layered, and treated with such care.

blackdeathmamba you will always be famous! another fantastic writer with such vision, such creativity, and so much heart. their characters are layered, complex, and so human-like.

I'll Be Waiting, Time After Time. the byler fluff of all time to ever and that will ever. so good, so sweet, and so full of love. will's reactions are so very will and i love his relationships with everyone else here.

Wrathful Wishing Star and Poisoned Apple Tree. a tribute!will x victor!mike hunger games au! so riveting and so beautiful. fantastic writing, world-meshing, and characterization. will is so balanced here, too. he's tenderhearted, brave, strong, scared, smart, determined, loving, sweet, and so much more. this fic really doesn't get the attention it deserves, i feel!

anything by lilacline! oh... my god. whatever i say won't be enough. if you haven't read lilac's work, then don't even look at me. literally click away right now and get to reading! chop chop! seriously just fucking superb all around in every way. no words can do it justice—it's just something you feel. even when will is a bat, he's still will. i just. no words! only an immense sense of love for their writing!

it goes without saying that this is not an all-encompassing list! i've only read a small fraction of all that's out there, and i'm relying on sick-brain memory right now to boot, too.

also, as flattered as i am, i want to reiterate that the king understanders and knowers are ultimately the duffers themselves. these are just the works that i, personally, felt captured will's canon essence in such a brilliant and scratched-an-itch-in-my-brain way that i came away from them feeling... changed? they touched something in my heart in a way that i struggle to put into words (clearly).

anyway, i hope there's something in here that's new to you and that you'll like. happy reading! 💙💛