#their friendship is so soothing for me idk how to describe it. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lostfracturess · 20 days ago

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omg I've just finished the recent r&r reader returning from the emotional rollercoaster it was and i really really think you don't know the CHOKEHOLD your works have on me 😭😭😭 i feel completely shattered broken and etc etc etc ahhhh i don't even know where to start withhhh

so, this chapter i am even more sure that suguru totally should end with someone like a r&r reader (to my opinion ofc) and i do hope he would. he needs someone entirely from another world, who could make him laugh and feel relaxed and content, someone more easy going and... softer, yeah. i really really don't see a s&c reader with suguru (it's totally not because i absolutely in love with their love with satoru. nah ah) 😞😞😞😞 in romantic relationships, though they will do great friends. they clearly belong to the same world, that sometimes suffocating and overbearing university and the clinic, and suguru desperately needs a fresh air. also they are too calm and composed to each other?? i mean satoru really brought the unhinged side out of the s&c reader (why am i talking about s&c. it's another story!!!!)

anyway, i enjoy suguru and r&r reader's dynamic so so much!!! their start is clearly turbulent, but almost every their interaction feels so soft like a cup of tea to me, a sweater, a cozy evening at home with the rain outside. like they're soothing balm to my heart and my comfort, while s&c more like my raw unfiltered emotions and entire soul 🥲🥲🥲 and i am so happy to see suguru seeks comfort in the r&r readers, and she makes him happy even a little, that makes him to forget about cigarettes!!!! that's an achievement, me thinks.

also i would like to point out that i was completely shattered by the dialogue between satoru and suguru, i wrote all my thoughts out. i wanted to tell that one of the many things i absolutely adore about your writing is you describing different life dilemmas and situations with such intensity and sheer vulnerability that make me feel goosebumps. especially this one, the friendship one, since it really one of the most important things in your life. truly thank you for raising such topics in your works! and of course the life crisis of the reader, her struggles with self identifying, pleasing her parents, not knowing what to do with her life...it feels so relatable and that's why it's so hurtful and painful. i completely love the way you describe all this, you're such a master with words.

that's probably everything i wanted to say like summing up, thank you for this amazing chapter!

as usual, idk how to put this adequately, so i am just gonna leave my thoughts right here...

"And on top of that, my mind kept drifting back to the sports bar, to easy laughter and surprisingly good conversation. To someone who actually managed to make me forget about work for a few hours. It was... nice. Different. Unsettling. Probably why I let things get carried away" YESSSS THAT'S WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT as i think he needs someone entirely else from his circle!!!!

"That was one time." He spun in his chair to face me. "And the pharmacy figured it out eventually." 😭😭😭😭 he's so stupid. man of my dreams. and what, dr. gojo isn't perfect in every aspect??? outrageous, me thinks

"No, that's just natural talent," she said, some of that bar night ease creeping back into her voice. "Though I have to say, watching things change color isn't usually part of my job description." the way he instantly thinks about the bar night when seeing her more comfortable and easy i canttttttt

"She bit her lip, fighting back a grin. The gesture was distracting in a way I didn't want to examine too closely" AND THE WAY HE STOPS MYSELF FROM OBSERVING HER WAY TOO CLOSELY THOUGH HE DOES NOTICE ALL THE SMALL DETAILS AND GESTURES? fuck give me two

"No," I said, surprising myself with how much I meant it. "I like hearing you talk." oh my god. does this man even realise how sappy he sounds?????? impossible.

two things we can always expect from nici - angst and all men in stories being pathetically in love with us (even if they didn't realise it. especially when they didn't realise it)

"I mean, if you want to. I don't understand much about art, but—" I rubbed the back of my neck. "If you show me what to look for, I'm sure I'll like it." OH MY GOD. SO PATHETIC. THAT'S A BRAND, HE'S GOT THAT STAMP™

"I checked my watch — 5:47 PM. I should probably head home, but then what? Watch some mindless TV show? Read another research paper? Order takeout that would sit in my fridge until it went bad? God, when did my life become this predictable?" some relatable moments in that story ❤️ don't worry bro, I've got you

"I pushed away from the bench so forcefully my chair squeaked against the floor. My hands were already reaching for my cigarettes before I made it to the window" i loved that contrast when he forgot about cigarettes with a r&r reader, and when he immediately reached for them thinking about a s&c reader 💔 he didn't even realized botg the things 💔💔💔 (by loved i mean my heart broke in the most shattering way, but it's okay, i am okay. it's barely a half of the chapter-)

upd.: I've just read the whole chapter and it seems like suguru smokes that much when really nervous. BUT STILL THAT MEANS HE WASN'T NERVOUS WITH THE R&R READER!

"No. Absolutely not. I'm better than that" booooooo boriiiiiingggg

"That stubborn set of her jaw when she tried not to admit defeat. Just like him" are you trying to kill me? no, let me rephrase this ARE YOU KILLING ME????? not only they started took each other traits but also the fact SUGURU noticed it, noticed how the woman he loves and shouldn't love resemble his best friend???? give me a gun

"What do you want to work on?" I asked softly, my thumb tracing soothing circles on the back of her hand" oh my god why the fuck did i tear up 🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓 like it was the last straw

"You're being too hard on yourself." Always chasing perfection, just like him. "You can't expect to master everything in a few months. Even Satoru took years to—" I caught myself, watching her shoulders tense at his name" every time suguru willingly and unwillingly compare her to satoru is like you said a stab to my heart. thank you.

"I'm a terrible friend. To both of them" NO YOU'RE NOT STOP THISSSSSSS. i am sorry but the way he was with her in the lab, trying to distract and cheering her up without overstepping any boundaries speaks volumes about his relationships with her especially

"What kind of man watches the woman he loves hurt like this and does nothing? Someone so passionate, so full of life, slowly dimming because he can't get his shit together—" no I can't, this emotional rollercoaster is killing me

this entire conversation between satoru and suguru destroyed me, i am not kidding, it's 1:28 am and i am crying in my bed 😭😭😭 i am shattered and broken. the way their friendship slowly started to drifted apart, and they couldn't do anything about it (not like they wanted because suguru is obviously so annoyed and angry with satoru, and satoru...well. satoru) as they didn't even notice how that happened and now it's too late to pick up the shards :((( thought i do hope they will reconcile, however i understand that even if it happened, the things wouldn't be the same. for me it hurts that much, because it's such a relatable thing that could possibly happen to everyone. if compare the angst between the s&c reader and satoru, it hit differently, because this is more intense, and that one between satoru and suguru is more... relatable. i mean, people tend to overlook the meaning of friendship and downplay it for the sake of romantic relationships, which is very wrong to my mind, so i am truly happy you touched this topic in your work 🥺

"I went through the motions, my hands steady as ever in the operating room, my voice clear during presentations. To anyone watching, I was the picture of professional composure. But inside? I don't know" yay twinning with satoru here 😃😃😃😃😃 and he says they are strangers now haha (she copes)

"And I was... what? A mess of a man carrying a torch for someone I could never have, trying to fill that void with someone else? I was not sure" man you know it really doesn't feel like you're trying to just fill the void...at least for me. i view it like two entire separate things

"She turned, and the smile that lit up her face made my stomach flip. How could she look at me like that when I'd kept her waiting for two hours?" and THESE self deprecating thoughts...i feel satoru here 🤨🤨🤨

"She made the plain white walls of the gallery come alive with her stories" now this is one of the most romantic things I've ever read. on my knees.

"You're awfully supportive, for someone who barely knows me," she said quietly, the words half-muffled by her wine glass" i think it's such a suguru thing to do 😭😭😭 although in majority of things it would be just an awkward small talk, but i view him like that...

"Something in her voice made my chest tighten. She sounded—lost. Different from her usual self. Gone was that fierce confidence, that spark that made her so much like Satoru" you know that just made me wonder maybe suguru loves s&c reader because she reminds him so much of satoru? (woah that sounded GAY, but okay), i mean he's his best friend, he knows...well, knew him like his palm, and when he started founded some similar traits...as far as i remember suguru liked her for quite a long time, but maybe as she and satoru started sorta dating that feelings in suguru intensified, also based on jealousy? idkkk just my thought

'I was painfully aware of the her standing nearby, pretending to study a painting while obviously trying not to listen. I caught her eye briefly, gesturing that I needed a moment. She nodded, with an understanding in her eyes that somehow made it worse" you know i would really throw myself out of the cliff when the man i like would talk to a girl he loves (this ENTIRE fact is already enough) when we're having a heartfelt conversation...and she understands, of course she does...poor baby

"You're awfully understanding, you know that?"

She looked up at me. "Something we have in common, it seems."

THIS IS PURELY DIABOLICAL MY JAW- dropped.

NO. IT DID BREAK MY HEART. IT DID.

ahhhhhh thank you so much for your review again!! you always make my whole day with these (imagine me giggling and kicking my feet while reading hehe) <3

and yes you are so writing with how suguru needs someone different than what he used to be around. i kinda always saw canon satoru and suguru like that. like satoru needs someone similar to him and suguru needs an opposite. that's what i wanted to somehow convey in these stories.

also love your observation that s&c reader and suguru are calm around each other while s&c reader and satoru are like unhinged together, like yeah totally! i kinda never realised it myself haha. and i'm glad you noticed the cigarette metaphor hehe.

thank you so much for your kind words about the themes in my work, i love exploring the themes of feeling lost and stuck in life with this story, bc i think everyone has had that kind of phase in their life and that's what i really want to achieve with this story, so i'm glad it comes through <3

two things we can always expect from nici - angst and all men in stories being pathetically in love with us (even if they didn't realise it. especially when they didn't realise it)

yes yes and yes, always in your service <3

and that one between satoru and suguru is more... relatable. i mean, people tend to overlook the meaning of friendship and downplay it for the sake of romantic relationships, which is very wrong to my mind, so i am truly happy you touched this topic in your work

no like for real, friendships are so important and i think you only really relize it when it's too late and they start fall apart. love that you said that !

i can only write miserable men i'm sorry, how can i write normal men??? i can't

you know that just made me wonder maybe suguru loves s&c reader because she reminds him so much of satoru? (woah that sounded GAY, but okay), i mean he's his best friend, he knows...well, knew him like his palm, and when he started founded some similar traits...as far as i remember suguru liked her for quite a long time, but maybe as she and satoru started sorta dating that feelings in suguru intensified, also based on jealousy? idkkk just my thought

ohhh you're onto something hehe (what would be a good jjk fanfic without satoru and suguru being at least a bit gay) <3

as always, thank you so so much for sharing your thoughts with me ahhhh. they make me so happy :')) wish you the best <3

#inbox #wiserion

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monapearlquo · 2 years ago

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uno reverse, what are ur fav tracks from each ts album?

lmao I forgot about this ask until just now, I am so sorry, Ri.

Debut: Stay Beautiful

This one is just so... Nice. Like she's telling the guy, "you're an amazing person, and even if you don't end up with me, stay the way you are." And I just love that, like it's how I feel about all my past crushes, like stay beautiful, go on and do amazing things, babe. Stay beautiful.

Fearless: You All Over Me

I can't really describe why I love this song. I just really vibe with it, like it opens a wound I have, but it's like it's healing in a way. It's literally poetry, heartbreaking poetry.

Speak Now: Long Live

This is currently my second favorite TS song. Just the vibe of friendship and taking over the world and fighting dragons and living out your dreams, I just love it.

Red: The Very First Night

This one has grown on me overtime. At first, it was kinda in the middle of all the Vault songs, but now I am obsessed with it. Don't ask me why, I can't explain it. It's nostalgic, but in a fun way, and idk, I just adore it.

1989: Welcome to New York

I don't care what anyone says, this song rocks! I ADORE IT! I think as someone who has never felt like they belong anywhere, hearing this song soothes me. "welcome to New York, it's been WAITING for you!" It makes me smile, thinking of a place where I can be myself and that I feel at peace. Ugh, I just love it!

reputation: Getaway Car

I've loved this song since the first moment I heads it, long before I knew the meaning behind it. I still love it for the same reasons, it is thrilling, and tells a story that I would love to read or watch. I get hysterical every time she gets to part of "put the money in a bag and I stole the keys/that was the last time you ever saw me!" It's just perfection, I can't even.

Lover: The Archer

My second favorite track 5! I just relate to it. It describes a pain I am constantly feeling, and it's soothing to me to hear it.

folklore: seven

This is my favorite TS song rn. I adore it. Just... The nostalgia and the sweetness and naivety and... It makes me think of friends I met when I was 6 and 7, whom i haven't seen in years. The song just allows me to get into my head. I love it. No faults.

evermore: 'tis the damn season

Honestly, I had a hard time choosing between this one and Dorothea. I adore these songs. I think the whole, "we were in love as teens but went our separate ways and now we both reminisce about it" is something I like? Idk I just love them.

Midnights: Midnight Rain

This was the hardest one to choose because I also adore Paris and Maroon. I chose this one because I just felt like it, I love the weird voice that sings the chorus, and I also just love comparing your love interest to sunshine while you are midnight rain, I just love it!

Anyway, there you have it! My faves from each album!

#taylor swift #rieca my beloved #asks

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baldstarion · 1 year ago

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---Huge ramble because I am not a writer (or good at expressing my self / giving compliments in general) I am cursed with run on sentence disease---

I've never really read fan-fiction before BG3 and Astarion. I remember trying to read as many fan fictions for Astarion as I could and while I'm happy he has so much content, most of it just isn't for me.

The biggest issue I have with other fan fics is how sexually charged all of the writing for Astarion is. It's not just that it's sexually charged that bothers me it just.... it makes me feel so uncomfortable and unsafe because of how... hungrily its written? It feels like the only thing that matters is the sex, and not the relationship that's formed between the two characters. Even just the way they write the flirting makes my stomach churn like sex is the end goal and the rest of the character interactions are just in the way of the ULTIMATE goal of a steamy night of "passion" that ultimately makes me feel hallow and sick . I don't understand if I feel this way because of how the smut is written, or if there's something different about how I view sex and relationships compared to other people.

Your fanfictions are the only ones I've read that consistently make me feel safe, and soothed. I have read every single one of the ace tav fanfics you wrote. ( My personal favorite part was the beautiful scene with the magical violin in "I Want It All: Part 1" Like.. I have genuinely never been so fucking entranced with a piece of writing in my life. ).Even the angst and the tense scenes , even though they leave me on edge, it isn't so extreme that it makes me feel sick and unable to keep reading ( So many angst fics are just... so raw that I never finish them and I have to go do something else to de-stress). Instead it's the perfect amount of conflict to keep me engaged and it makes me want to read more to see the conclusion.

Your writing focuses on the part of characters and character development that I personally think matters the most. Small things. Quiet moments. Soft touches, or lack-there-of. Pinning and soft angst over said pinning. Small genuine moments of bonding that don't have to elude to anything more than just enjoying another persons company. The scenes where it focuses on character thoughts and the speech flows in a way that I find really nice ( I'm not a writer so IDK how to describe it, It just makes me feel good ).

I haven't been able to find any other writers for Astarion that I enjoy consistently and as much as I enjoy yours. I really like how you space out the paragraphs and sentences, and the varying sentence length along with word choice just really make the whole thing flow so well. I also think part of the reason I enjoy the writing is, in part because yours is the only ace Tav I've ever found... so maybe that's what I have always been looking for in writing and I never knew. TBH this fic (along with the stuff in-game with Astarion being sex adverse for a while) really has made me wonder if I might be ace (Or sex adverse). It's really made me question what is most important to me when it comes to interacting with other people, be it friendships, relationships, or whatever else have you.

TLDR: Your writing is really cathartic for me in a way I have yet to fully understand or find in other pieces of writing / media. Your writing also is helping me figure out what really matters to me in relationships... and that sex might actually be pretty low on the list... or maybe not even there at all, so thank you for helping me with that self discovery. As long as you keep enjoying making content, I will happily keep reading. Take care of yourself.

For All I Care

Astarion x AsexaulBard!Tav Masterlist

Astarion x Tav, Astarion x Reader, Astarion x Asexual!Tav, Astarion x Bard!Tav

Astarion's POV, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Sick Fic, Astarion being bad with emotions, hints of one-sided Gale x Tav if you squint

Warning: Canon typical violence, violent thoughts toward Tav

Summary: After a fight with a hag, the rest of the party wakes up to find you still fighting for your life. Astarion feels himself at a loss, afraid and helpless in a way he has never felt before. And it's all your fault.

A/N: Just a gentle reminder that I have not played the game, so in terms of the exact placement on the timeline, it's a little sketchy. Just know that this is well before the events of I Want It All, and we'll call it good. And, as always, PLEASE REBLOG AND COMMENT IF YOU LIKE THIS! I NEED VALIDATION TO SURVIVE!

Word Count: 6.2K

If Astarion never saw a hag again, it would be too soon. Just one was more than enough for several lifetimes. The bitch was not only a sore to look at but hit like a brick wall. Even after a full night’s sleep aided by Shadowheart’s magic, he still felt stiff all over.

The rest of camp wasn’t much better. The sun was almost fully overhead by the time everyone stumbled out of their bed rolls. All morning banter was replaced with mumbled greetings and not so subtle groans. Even Lae’zel remained quiet, seemingly too occupied with her own discomfort to comment on the weakness of everyone else.

Astarion counted himself grateful for that. He didn’t think he could endure a lecture on top of an aching back.

“Here we are,” Gale said, a little too cheerfully. “I know last night's excursion was rather strenuous, but if this doesn’t cure what ails you, nothing will. No offense, Shadowheart.”

“I would take offense, but I’m frankly too tired to care,” she countered, dryly.

Gale gave a good natured laugh before handing her a bowl of something hot.

The pout on her face fell away as soon as she took her first bite. The rest weren’t far behind, the low murmur of pain turning to something more pleasant.

Astarion observed, doing his best to push down the bite on envy in his chest. He could eat, technically, but it went right through him, not even granting him the temporary relief of a full stomach. If it didn’t smell appetizing, he wouldn’t mind so much, but it did. Yet another minor torture of his existence.

Eventually Gale did turn his gaze to him, that annoyingly persistent enthusiasm faltering.

“Do you…ah, require a refreshment?”

Deciding to have some fun, Astarion gave him his best seductive smirk.

“Very much,” he purred. “However, if you’re the one offering, I’ll pass. I’ve got someone much more appetizing in mind.”

He turned his head towards your tent, and immediately frowned. You still hadn’t made an appearance. Granted you were always one to rest in, but this was getting ridiculous.

Gale followed his eye line, grimacing as he came to a similar conclusion.

“Might need to hold off on that. They got it pretty rough last night.”

“I’ll go check on them,” Wyll volunteered, pouring a fresh bowl of stew. “If anything will get them out of bed, this will.” He then turned to Astarion, giving him a hard look. “Try to keep your fangs to yourself until they’ve eaten something.”

He answered with a mocking pout. “Oh mother, must I?”

Wyll didn’t raise to the bait, rolling his one good eye before making his way towards your tent.

Something odd twisted inside Astarion. He was struck with the sudden urge to trip the man. Childish perhaps, but he just couldn’t stand that tone of altruistic condescension. He would have spoken up if Wyll hadn’t beaten him to it. He was rather partial to the idea of you and him sharing breakfast in bed. It would only be breakfast, but he wasn’t in a position to try for more. At the very least, it would be a convenient excuse to check on you himself.

Gale hadn’t been exaggerating. You had gotten the brunt of the hag’s attention, running between everyone to provide whatever aid you could. By the time you made it back to camp, you could barely stand, skipping your nightly check-ins in favor of falling straight into your tent and a soundless sleep.

This troubled him in a way he couldn’t properly explain. It wasn’t like he needed you to tuck him in, but he had grown accustomed to your face being the last he saw before closing his eyes. He knew the others appreciated it as well. It was how you had found yourself as the leader of this merry band. You weren’t the strongest or the most powerful, you simply took the time to care.

It should have bothered him more. Gods knew he clashed with Wyll and Karlach on more than one occasion concerning their bleeding heart heroics. Perhaps it was because your heart always put the party first. You’d extend it to others, but never to the point it needlessly put them and, more importantly, him in danger.

You just…helped, with clear eyed understanding and so little fanfare it made it easy to forget just how much you did, until the moment you couldn’t.

He blinked hard, mentally yanking himself from wherever his mind was leading him.

He wouldn’t feed on you today, he decided. There had to be some boar or deer around. It’d be best if they stay put another day anyhow. No need to rush into the next life or death scenario.

“Shadowheart! Gale!”

Everyone turned, to see Wyll running from your tent. The two spellcasters were up the next second, all exhaustion rushing from their bodies, readying for a fight.

“What’s going on?” Gale asked.

“I don’t know. Something’s wrong with Tav.”

“What? How?” Shadowheart interjected. “They were fine last night. I healed them myself.”

Wyll shook his head. “That may be, but they’re not waking up.”

“We better have a look then,” Gale said, with an authority that left no room for argument. He took the lead, the two others falling quickly behind.

Astarion stayed where he was, frozen. There was a hard twisting in his gut. He could feel the hair rise on the back of his neck as the sudden need to run shot through his veins. He recognized the symptoms; fear was an emotion he was intimately familiar with.

Before he realized what was happening, he was on his feet, taking long strides towards your tent.

It couldn’t be as bad as Wyll was making it sound. Admittedly, you had been run rather ragged, but nothing the rest of them hadn’t felt. Perhaps he had taken one bite too many. This was nothing. You were fine. You were supposed to be fine.

He stopped at the threshold, pushing aside the flap.

Whatever breath he had in his lungs rushed out in an instant.

The first thing that hit him was the smell. It clung to the inside of his nose reeking of damp sickness. Your body was drenched in sweat, your hair plastered to your forehead in soaked clumps. He swore he could feel the heat of your skin burning. Your breath came ragged as if someone had wrapped an invisible hand around your throat and was slowly choking the life out of you. He could see how your body twitched and jerked. It was taking both Shadowheart and Wyll to keep your limbs in check as Gale mumbled some enchantment over your body.

His hand gripped hard on the fabric. He needed to take a step back. He had little experience with disease, but it was plain enough that whatever this was didn’t play by any rules he was familiar with. The survivor in him screamed to use this perfect distraction to grab whatever he could carry and run. Still, he didn’t move.

“What’s wrong with them?” he said, his voice rough even to his ears.

“I don’t know,” Gale admitted, clearly disturbed. “I haven’t seen anything like this before.”

“They were fine,” Shadowheart insisted. “I healed them, and they went to bed. Nothing else happened.”

“There were a lot of spells being thrown around last night. Maybe they were hit with something the rest of us weren’t,” Wyll suggested.

“Oh Gods,” Karlach said, just behind Astarion’s shoulder. “Do you think it’s the tadpoles?”

Something heavy sunk straight into his stomach at her words. It certainly was a possibility. They all knew the symptoms, but why now? Why you?

There was a slight rustle of movement just behind him. Lae’zel by the smell. A quick look out of the corner of his eye saw her standing just behind Karlach. Her back was stiff and her expression hardened in a way he had come to recognize.

He never moved faster in his life.

Before anyone could react, he ducked under Karlach’s arm, knocking Lae’zel off her feet. Her sword scattered clear of her grip, skittering into the grass. She fell with a hard thump as he used the momentum to trap her under the weight of his body and dagger at her throat.

“Now, what were you planning to do with that,” he said, as smooth as a knife.

Her surprise was evident, but quickly overtaken by a low growl straight from her chest.

“Unhand me, or I will unhand you.”

“Might need the sword for that.”

“Oi! What’s going on?” Karlach said, finally turning towards the scene.

“If it is the tadpoles, we cannot risk them turning,” Lae’zel snapped. “I am prepared to do what is necessary.”

Red blinded Astarion’s vision, a hiss escaping his lips as they pulled back to show bared fangs.

“Necessary?”

“We don’t know that yet,” Wyll said, stepping beside Karlach. “Just think a moment. If it was the tadpoles, wouldn’t all of us have felt something by now?”

Lae’zel ignored him, her eyes turning straight to Astarion’s. Her expression lost none of its fury, but there was a coldness to it that forced an air of calm.

“You know I’m right,” she held.

His jaw clenched. He did know. If even one of them turned into a mind flayer the rest were bound to follow. Killing you would be the logical thing to do to preserve his own survival. Still, it wasn’t your neck he was poised to cut.

“Nobody is killing anyone!” Wyll interjected. “Gale and Shadowheart will figure out what’s wrong with Tav. In the meantime, we are not going to do anything we would sooner regret.”

“Astarion?” Karlach said, cautiously.

There was a long pause. He could feel their eyes burning the back of his skull, but neither stepped closer. It was easy to imagine what he looked like; half crazed, teeth bared and blade ready. Not his best moment.

With what grace he could muster, he pulled away, quickly putting some distance between himself and Lae’zel.

She got to her feet, decidedly not reaching for her weapon as her eyes moved between the three of them.

“They live for now,” she allowed. “But if Tav does turn, you know what we’ll have to do.”

Astarion’s spine stiffened. The dagger twitched in his hand, just in time for Karlach to step between them.

“Walk away Lae’zel,” she said, sternly. “I’m not kidding.”

Lae’zel’s brow furrowed, her face twisting in disgust. “Tsk'va,” she cursed. “Cowards. All of you.”

She turned then, picking up her sword before making her way back to her tent.

Once she was a good distance away, some of the tension left Karlach’s shoulders as she pulled her attention back to him.

“You okay?” Karlach asked.

“Well, I certainly haven’t made any new friends,” Astarion said, his voice tighter than he intended. He glanced over at Wyll. “I take it still no answers?”

Wyll gave a long sigh. “Gale said he’ll need more time to detect the exact cause. He doesn’t think it’s the tadpoles, but there’s no telling just yet. Luckily, Shadowheart was able to calm them enough to sleep. At the very least they’re no longer at risk of hurting themselves.”

“So what do we do?” Karlach asked.

“Wait. This isn’t something we can fight. Gale and Shadowheart will do what they can, but ultimately, this is Tav’s battle.”

Astarion bit back a growl as red once again danced across his vision.

Wait? That was the fabled Blade of Frontier’s brilliant plan? Hells below was everyone in this camp completely useless?! He didn’t need to be a cleric to know what was happening. He knew what dying smelled like and none of them, not a single one, could think of an actual, tangible solution besides wait?

Forget tripping the man, it was taking every single ounce of restraint to keep from strangling him.

Draining the last of his patience, he turned on his heel, and made his way towards the treeline.

“Where are you going?” Wyll called.

“To go kill something,” Astarion spat. “Unless you want me to stay here and do it.”

Wyll looked like he was going to say something that would put his neck in Astarion’s teeth, but Karlach spoke up first.

“We’ll make sure Lae’zel keeps her distance. Don’t wander too far.”

Astarion didn’t have an answer. He just managed a tight nod before continuing out of camp and out of sight.

He didn’t know how long he walked. He just knew that by the time he stopped the sun was much lower in the sky. The sounds of his companions deafened in the overgrowth leaving him well and truly alone.

A shuddering breath escaped his lungs. Whatever strength in his limbs left him. He only just managed to catch himself on a tree as his hands began to shake.

What in the nine hells had he been thinking?

Well, that was the trick, wasn’t it? He hadn’t been thinking. Fear had been driving him and he had done as he always did when fear took over; he found a way to survive, damn anyone who got in his way. The difference was, it wasn’t his life that was in danger. When had your survival become so vital to his?

He knew he was reliant on you to keep him safe from Cazador. You were the only one who trusted him. Without your vote of confidence, chances are he would have been left to his own devices a long time ago. He needed you alive if he were to maintain the protection of the others. And he had put that protection in direct threat by holding a knife to one of the group’s best fighters.

He let out a frustrated groan, rubbing his face in his hands.

Fuck, this was a disaster. He had never been particularly gifted when it came to strategy. It was difficult to anticipate consequences when he never knew what fresh hell awaited him in the morning. Compound that feeling by two hundred years and it was no wonder all his plans fell apart.

Even if you did survive, he still had no way of guaranteeing you would stay loyal to him. All his attempts at seduction had failed. You certainly enjoyed his company, and he was sure you gave him more attention than the others, but he didn’t know what you wanted. Every single day he waited for you to name your price and every single day you failed to answer. It was driving him to insanity.

No wonder he had been so quick to draw his blade. Any grasp he had on safety was already hanging by an invisible thread.

He let out a deep breath, forcing himself to calm. There was little he could control at the moment, but he could control himself. It was a new sensation, one he was still getting used to. He’d have an easier time of it once he fed.

Blood of thinking beings was out for the moment. He’d have to settle for something big and preferably angry. There would be nothing elegant about this hunt.

He got his wish. While he might have preferred a bear, the raging boar did well enough for his purposes.

It was an ugly kill. He didn’t just bite the beast. He tore into its neck so deeply the bones of its neck became exposed to the open air alongside bloodied muscle. His hands did the rest, ripping it fully open so the innards spilled out onto the forest floor. In the end, he didn’t even get much blood out of it, allowing the earth to become wet with carnage.

He breathed it in, hoping it would somehow erase the smell of your convulsing body from his mind.

It didn’t work.

Even with fresh blood in his mouth, he could only think of your labored breaths and racing heart. The relief of sated hunger became tainted by the taste of sickness on his tongue.

He forced himself back on his feet, not bothering to wipe away the blood as he stumbled further into the forest.

There was nothing he could do. He’d sooner drain the life from you than save it. It was baked into his nature; a disease in his own right.

If he just had a target, something he could trick or kill, it would be different. Instead he was left to wait; useless…powerless.

His hands clenched, his nails digging into his palms to the point of pain.

Surely he didn’t need you so badly. If you died, he would just have to refocus his efforts on somebody else; Shadowheart perhaps, or even Gale. He wasn’t about to get sentimental now. He would survive you as he had done countless others. This wasn’t his end.

He found a deer next, performing the same ritualistic slaughter. Blood filled him. He could feel his mind becoming clear, but it wasn’t enough. He moved onto a burrow of rabbits, then a badger, and even a weasel. It was only when he caught himself seriously contemplating gutting a squirrel did he realize how futile it was. All the blood in the world couldn’t make up for his inherent weakness.

He had grown too dependent on you. It was making him sloppy, unbalanced. Maybe you were better off dead. He would be free then.

That was the point of this whole venture wasn’t it? To be free. Free of Cazador. Free of fear. And here he was ready to chain himself to another just because they’d shown him a bit of kindness. What was that kindness worth when the loss of it inspired a terror he'd never known before.

A fury rose within him, one he clung to like a lifeline.

This was all your fault. You brought him to this. How could he possibly forgive you?

He let the anger fester as he took the time to clean himself up. Blood caked his hands up to his elbows with tendons stuck under his fingernails. It took several washes in a nearby stream to get it all out. He counted himself lucky his shirt had managed to escape most of the viscera. The last thing he wanted was an interrogation.

He needn’t have worried. It was well after dark by the time he crept back to camp. All was still, in the same way a body became when holding its breath.

He spotted Gale easily enough as he poured over some tome, his lips moving along with the words. Lae’zel and Wyll sat together, polishing their weapons without exchanging a word. Shadowheart looked to be meditating while Karlach sat next to the fire, brow furrowed while throwing the occasional stick into the flames.

Aside from the faint scrap of stone on metal, not a sound came from any of them.

Against his own will, his gaze turned to your tent.

It struck him then, why the quiet filled him with such dread.

By now a steady flow of strings should be teasing the edge of his ears. You seemed convinced a half inch of fabric was enough to muffle your rehearsals. None of them bothered to correct this assumption. On more than one occasion, he found himself forgetting the book in his hand as he listened to you work out some new melody. There was something about the way you played, as if each note lifted a burden on your soul. And if the night wasn’t filled with your music, it was touched by your voice.

You had a way of sparking conversation, sharing countless stories while encouraging the others to do the same. You knew when to listen, when to comment and just when to laugh to make the telling all the sweeter. He spent more time than he cared to admit thinking about how to pull that sound to your lips. He found it had the same effect on him as your plucking.

Then there were the rare times, when banter dwindled and everyone became lost in their own thoughts, he could make out a song just under your breath, an unconscious hum to accompany your work.

It brought a comfort he couldn’t describe, one he hadn’t realized he needed, until it was gone.

With quick steps he made his way to you, slipping into your tent with not even the barest rustle of fabric.

He’d never been in your tent before. If it were any other day, he’d be taking the time to examine every inch of it, but all he could focus on was you.

You were so still. An improvement from before, but not an especially encouraging one. It was clear from the perfectly arranged pillows you hadn’t moved since Shadowheart put you back to sleep. The only hint you were alive was that barest intake and outtake of breath.

His jaw tightened, his body tensing as a growing panic rose within him.

No, this was good. You were stable, for now. He still had options, more time to plan. He didn’t have to make any decisions tonight. Best he left and waited to see what the morning would bring.

You took a sharp intake of breath, slightly deeper than before. Your eyes twitched behind your lids and then you settled.

He paused, glancing to the entrance, half expecting somebody to come rushing in. He was surprised nobody was in here with you, or at the very least watching the door. He had slipped by without so much as a “hey you”. Any vagrant could just wander in.

He could end it right now. All it would take was one quick slice. The picture became clear; a single surprised gasp, the smell of your blood and then…silence. Forever.

Bile rose in his throat. He shut his eyes trying to will the image away as that new desperate terror threatened to drown him all over again.

Damn you. Damn you to every circle of the hells!

The gods were mocking him. Of course it wouldn’t be that easy. He couldn’t just like you. No, he had to go and start caring.

A small whimper broke through his thoughts. Your head jerked, your brows pinching in distress.

Shadowheart. He needed to get Shadowheart, or Gale, or Wyll. Hells, she may not be able to touch you, but Karlach would undoubtedly have a better bedside manner. Besides Lae’zel he was the worst person suited for this. Gods, what was he even doing here?

You took a sharp intake of breath, flinching away from something only you could see.

He was on his knees the next second.

Your body settled, but your breathing came hard and fast. At least it wasn’t rasping.

His hands hovered over you, unsure of what to do. He had officially given up on the idea of leaving. He’d just have to improvise the rest.

Hesitantly, he let his fingers brush across your forehead, pushing aside a few of the loose strands. You were hot to the touch, but he took comfort in the fact you weren’t sweating as you were before. Whatever had taken hold of you that morning, it seemed to have loosened its grip.

You began to calm, a soft murmur of contentment stumbling from your lips.

The irony was not lost on him, but it didn’t stop a part of him from melting at the sound.

“Now that’s hardly playing fair, darling,” he whispered. “I’m trying to be angry with you.”

You didn’t answer except for a sigh as you turned your head, following his touch.

He allowed himself to linger for a moment before placing the back of his hand against your skin to feel it properly. You really were much too warm. The relief you were expressing no doubt came more from his body temperature than his caresses.

Slowly, he pulled away as he glanced around the small space. There had to be a water skin in here somewhere. Surely the idiots would know better than to leave you to burn yourself from the inside out.

A soft groan caught his attention as he spun back to you.

You shifted under the blankets, rolling back and forth as if to get loose of your cocoon. Your eyes darted quickly behind your lids. Another huff of breath and then, all at once, there you were.

“Tav?” he breathed.

Your eyes were bleary. Your skin was sallow. Your hair was a mess. Everything around him smelled of sweat and sick. And for a moment, he swore he could feel his heart beat again.

A hint of a smile touched the corner of your mouth, your brows rising slightly.

“Tav? Must be pretty bad then.”

He had to laugh. It was a short, strangled thing, and just about the only thing he could do to keep the stinging in his eyes at bay.

“Worse,” he said, managing to gain some hold on himself. “Of course, it must be said, your worse is most best.”

You huffed out a small laugh of your own, which quickly turned into a series of dry coughs.

He straightened in alarm before quickly spotting the water skin hanging on the center pole of the tent. Thankfully it was full, allowing him to waste no time lifting your head as he guided the water into your mouth.

As soon as the liquid met your tongue you scrambled for more, pushing yourself further up to guzzle the rest.

“Easy,” he warned, pulling back the container. “Can’t have you choking to death after all of that.”

You gave a slight sputter, proving his point as you caught your breath. “Sorry. Just thirsty.”

“Clearly,” he quipped. “Do you need more?”

You averted your eyes, your expression turning suddenly sheepish. “Please?”

As tempting as it was, he decided to save his teasing for later. It was always more fun when you could give it right back anyway.

He lifted your head, resting it on his lap before guiding the lip of the lid back to yours.

“Slowly this time,” he cautioned.

Your muscles tensed with restraint, but you followed his lead, taking no more than he gave.

He tried to ignore the tight feeling in his chest. His mind flickered to his own thirst and, for a moment, he could see his own desperation reflected in your eyes.

Something stirred inside him; an ache he didn’t recognize. He’d do just about anything to keep that look from marring your face ever again.

Once you’d gotten a few more mouthfuls he pulled the water skin away, setting it down on the floor beside you.

“Thank you,” you said, your voice still a little rough, but an obvious improvement.

“Don’t mention it,” he said. “To anyone.”

“Don’t worry, nobody would believe me anyway,” you teased.

“Truer words.”

Without really thinking, he let his palm rest on your forehead. He had already gotten a sense of your temperature, but the way your eyes closed as you relaxed into his touch was too good to pass up.

“How are you feeling?” he asked.

“Like a band of goblins decided to make a riot of my insides,” you admitted, before turning your gaze upward. “What about you?”

“Me?”

Your mouth turned in an apologetic half smile. “No offense, but you look a bit ragged. Did something happen?”

He blinked, surprised by the sudden flash of anger your question inspired. Of course he was a bit ragged. You had started this morning on the verge of death, the knowledge of which had been torturing him for near on…oh, who bloody cared how long. And yet you had the audacity to ask if something happened, as if that wasn’t enough; as if you weren’t enough.

It must have shown on his face, as your brows furrowed in concern.

“Astarion?”

He mentally shook himself, pushing down the emotion as best he could.

“Don’t worry about me, darling. Let’s focus on getting you better.”

You frowned, your lips parting as if to say something when the entrance of the tent burst open.

“Hey, thought I heard your voice!” Karlach said, with a beaming smile. “Good to see you awake soldier. Told’em you’d bounce back, just a matter of time. Shadowheart! Gale! Tav’s awake! Astarion is with ‘em.”

Astarion prickled at the announcement. He didn’t need the entire camp knowing his business. He had decided to sneak back for a reason. Surely nobody had seen him.

He got his answer, as Karlach turned back, lowering her voice.

“Sorry to interrupt,” she said. “Noticed you slip in earlier. Thought I’d leave you to watch Tav, but then I heard talking and well…you know.”

“Yes, thank you,” he clipped, hoping the note of embarrassment would be blamed on getting caught and not…other things.

“Thanks Karlach,” you said, smoothing over any lingering tension.

“Don’t even think about it. Few more rounds of healing and you’ll be right as rain.” She then turned her gaze to him. “You got’em?”

His brow furrowed slightly. He could say no. Gale and Shadowheart would need space to do their work. It would be the perfect excuse to walk away and try to forget any of this happened.

He glanced down at you, your head still resting in his lap.

You looked so fragile. It was a word he had never thought to use before when describing you. The sound of it rang with a dissonance that made his hair stand on end. Still you managed a half smile, your head tilting as silent permission to leave if he wanted.

And what exactly would he do if he left; wait in the dark, just as helpless as before. He may not be able to do much, but he could do this. It was better than nothing.

He turned back to Karlach, his purpose clear. “I’ve got them.”

She didn’t say anything back, simply nodding in acknowledgement before dipping out, and allowing Shadowheart and Gale to enter.

Shadowheart immediately took a place beside you, her hands glowing with magic as she got to work. Gale, meanwhile, remained standing seemingly unsure of what to do.

Astarion couldn’t help but notice the way the wizard’s eyes shifted awkwardly between you and him. Some petty part of him felt vindicated in staying. Apparently he had taken his designated spot.

“Glad to see you awake,” Shadowheart said.

“So am I, funny enough,” you said. “What happened?”

“Nasty bit of business,” Gale explained. “That hag didn’t hold anything back. Combination of cause fear, ray of sickness, a few other bits of spell work and bestowed curse to keep them all knotted together. The healing magic Shadowheart gave you last night was able to mend your physical wounds, but little else.

“Luckily once we were able to identify the spells, I was able to untangle most of the effects and pluck that curse right out. All told, it looked much worse than it was. With the hag dead, it appears your body has been able to fight off most of the remaining effects on its own. Honestly, if you were at full capacity at the start of the fight, it likely wouldn’t have gotten as bad as it did. Much easier to recover when all your blood is inside your body.”

Gale’s eyes flicked over to Astarion.

His jaw clenched, knowing full well what the wizard was implying, but he wasn’t about to admit he was right.

“I’ll keep that in mind next time I take an arrow to the shoulder,” you said, dryly. “Just don’t bleed.”

Shadowheart gave a short laugh. “Good to see your sense of humor is intact.”

Astarion and Gale broke eye contact allowing whatever argument was about to ensue to die on their lips. There were more important things to worry about.

“What can I say, I’m a born entertainer,” you said, ruefully before turning your gaze evenly among the three of them. “I’m sorry to have caused so much trouble.”

“No trouble at all,” Gale assured. “When compared to Karlach’s engine or my own condition, this is little more than a sniffle.” He glanced over to Shadowheart. “Anything I can do?”

“Honestly, there’s not much even I can do at this point,” she admitted. “We’ll just have to see how you feel in the morning. One of us should stay with you at least, in case something happens.”

“I’ll do it,” Astarion said, earning shocked looks from both spellcasters. He did so particularly love the look on Gale’s face.

“You’re sure?” Gale said, skeptically.

He gave a nonchalant shrug. “I’m not planning to sleep much anyway. And don’t worry, I’m just as capable of yelling as anyone else in this camp. Besides, I doubt either of you are going to be much use to anyone in a few hours.”

Gale looked like he wanted to argue, but not before you spoke up.

“He has a point,” you said. “The pair of you have done enough as is. I’m feeling a lot better already. I’ll be fine.”

“Alright,” Gale relented, with a grimace. “There’s some stew in that container there if you get hungry. See if you can keep some food down. And if they so much as twitch in their sleep–”

“I’ll handle it,” Astarion cut off with a sharpness that left no room for dispute.

Gale appeared taken aback. So did Shadowheart for that matter, but Astarion couldn’t bring himself to care. You had in a very polite, roundabout way told them to leave. His job was to make it clear how much better that would be for everyone’s health.

Both Gale and Shadowheart got the message, ducking out without another word.

Astarion waited, counting down a solid minute to make sure nobody else would come barging in. Only when he was certain they were gone did he finally allow his body to relax.

“You don’t have to stay.”

He pulled his attention back to you, his brows furrowing.

“I really am feeling a lot better,” you insisted. “I’ll be alright.”

His instinct was to argue. He wasn’t in the mood for any more quiet heroics from you, but something in your eyes gave him pause.

“Do you want me to go?” he asked.

“I…” You swallowed. The emotion in your voice was clear even from that one word. “You don’t–”

“Do you want me to go?” he repeated.

For a long moment, you didn’t say a word.

He waited for the predictable guilt to appear, an obvious sign of your irritating selflessness with maybe an apology thrown in on the side. There were hints of it, yes, but something else lingered, moving across your features despite your best efforts to bury it away.

“No,” you confessed, with a yearning deeper than he felt he had any right to know.

He thought back on what you told him, the bits and pieces you shared about your life. It was never obvious, just comments that slipped through, as if by accident.

You didn’t know your mother. Your father was little more than a memory. You never mentioned any siblings. A flurry of names and faces filled your stories from across Faerun, but they never stayed the same between tellings. Now that he gave it proper thought, he couldn’t think of a single one of them you had named friend.

He had to wonder how many nights you suffered through a fever alone, how many times you bandaged your own wounds and kept your own company on long nights in the middle of nowhere.

You hadn’t given him permission to go out of the kindness of your heart. You had expected him to. You just wanted to give yourself the illusion of control over when.

And yet, you asked him to stay.

“Well, that settles it,” he soothed. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Your lips parted as if to say something more, but you closed it again swallowing the words back down.

He counted himself grateful. He was liable to say any number of foolish things if you let him.

Slowly, your eyes began to droop as sleep overcame you once more.

As promised, he didn’t move, not daring to so much as shift your head.

Maybe…maybe this was your price. He couldn’t be sure. He doubted he would ever be sure of anything with you, but maybe this was what you wanted; somebody to care.

It was a dangerous notion. He had never provided anything real before. The concern he felt for you now was against his will. If he started caring for you on purpose, who knew where that might lead; the things he would be willing to do, all for you.

He blinked the thought away. He was getting ahead of himself. A little went a long way, especially with you. Honestly, it would be almost too easy; a kind word here, a helpful hand there, and he would have you curled around his finger in no time. It wasn’t so different from what he had done before. All he needed to do was not care anymore than he already did. Nothing he couldn’t handle. He could stop any time he wanted.

It was the thought that kept him through the night, the one he repeated to himself as he came as close to holding you as he dared.

He had a plan now. What could possibly go wrong?

Taglist: @bambamwolf87

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luckydragon10 · 2 years ago

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Hello Nemi! *throws heart confetti on the floor*

THE SHIP HAS HAPPENED, WE GOT KISSES HELL YEAH

Oh my god so much happened this chapter I am so well fed ejzjsjdn

So first of all - more jealous Kinn and I indeed snorted it like cocaine

Tay and Kinn affectionately bullying Porsche and Porsche getting all the dirt from Kinn's youth from Tay? *chief kiss*

Oh OH THE BATHROOM SCENE I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE FROM SQUEALING LIKE AHHH

But also the angst was delicious, I love how you give Tay space to still deal with the impact Time left, like just because we are moving onto the romantic arc with Kinn and Porsche now even deeper then ever Tay still is haunted by what Time does and it still dictates a lot of his thoughts and decisions and idk, I just appreciate it

Also I love how you always describe Kinn's and Porsche's love

Porsche and Tay gossiping together is my favorite headcanon and kisses to you for including it

Porsche being sort of Kinn's handler and meditator - very funny and I love it but also my poor bean Kinn

Kinn loving Tay for such a long time - just break my heart why don't you? The line about him regretting that he didn't go to him after that first breakup? Uh straight to the heart, I'm crying clutching the phone in my arms, cradling it like one would a baby (also i saw something abt something from Kinn's perspective?? I cannot wait untill this angst hits me when you decide to post it ��👀)

Also ahh the description of Kinn's love hitting Tay - so good, reread it like four times already, can't get enough of it and AHHH Porsche's "you're so easy to fall for" chewing on wood, batshit crazy

Kinn hugging Tay and not letting go so Porsche needs to kiss him over Kinn? Idk just a nice image that warms my heart

Ah ah and the deal making! That was so funny and as Porsche said "rich people" i was like "nerds" very affectionately and I would only like to say that you are included for that statement, Nemi you little adorable nerd

Anyway thank you so much for writing the chapter - I loved it! See you on the next one hahaha

Have a good day/night Nemi 💕💞

WE HAVE A SHIP! \o/ Long may it sail!

There can never be too much possessive Kinn, at least not in my books. And as long as he's demonstrating claim and not actually being controlling, I will roll in it like catnip. 😍

And look, there is just gonna be so much loving bullying going on in this ship, it's ridiculous. Outsiders will look at it and ask "how does that even work?" but after watching the dynamic for a few days, they slowly catch on.

But also the angst was delicious, I love how you give Tay space to still deal with the impact Time left, (...)

Look, look, about Tay and the impact that Time left, I just started thinking about it and there were so many potential ramifications that it hurt my heart. What does it mean to love someone like that for so long? To stick with them when they never really quite love you back the way you need? When I explored it, I just thought "oh, that would impact self-esteem in a big way, obviously."

One thing I also wanted to get across is that the relationship between each of them is very, very different. Kinn and Porsche sort of always have this power struggle going on, and it's INTENSE. They burn so brightly. And between Kinn and Tay there's soooo much history and things left unsaid and longing on Kinn's part and longing-mixed-with-self-doubt on Tay's, and again, it's INTENSE, but in a very different flavor, more classic romantic/yearning. Meanwhile, between Porsche and Tay? It's just so deliciously easy, calm and soothing, a friendship-love that's a balm to both their hearts, something that for once in their lives isn't a struggle.

^_^ It makes me haaaapppyyyy.

Kinn hugging Tay and not letting go so Porsche needs to kiss him over Kinn? Idk just a nice image that warms my heart

Kinn being a big, stubborn baby is also one of my favorite things.

So, Dom, are you ready for tomorrow? ARE YOU READY FOR THE LAST CHAPTER?

(Well, last chapter of this fic, but more ficlets to come in the future as part of the series. 😏)

#nemi answers #kinnporsche #kinnporsche fanfic #my fanfic #the king's tree kp fanfic #kp tay #kinnportay

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13uswntimagines · 4 years ago

Text

Works Like a Charm (USWNT x Baby!Reader)

Request: reader with the team where r falls asleep any and everywhere and on everyone? just super cute friendship and stuff

Authors’s note: Special thanks to @literaryhedgehog cause without her this would not have happened! I hope you enjoy and totally feel free to hit me up with comments and questions or if you just wanna say Hi!

You were the baby of the team, and being the baby came with very special privileges. The team knew of your sleeping issues, and the various methods you and your therapist had implemented (including scheduling yourself to avoid all blue light sources for hours before bed and sleeping with a stuffed animal (the famed stuffed Triceratops, Roary) each night,) to help fall asleep and stay asleep at night. But it had only been a week since you had actually looked for help, so it was too early to expect results, as you told them (and yourself) repeatedly.

More often than not you found yourself sitting on a couch, Roary cuddled close to your chest, watching the rerun of whatever game had been on, desperately waiting for your brain to turn off so you could sleep. That was the exact scene Ashlyn had stumbled upon. She glanced at the clock, wincing at the bold 2:15 that blinked back at her as she rubbed her eyes.

“What are you doing awake kid? Thought you weren’t supposed to do blue light after 9?” She asked softly, plopping down beside you, throwing an arm over your shoulder. You shrugged, leaning further into her side. You closed your eyes, burying your head into her warm arm.

“I literally laid awake for three hours. I tried not to focus on anything, or to focus on breathing, but I kept replaying the game in my head. So I thought I would watch it, see if rewatching the ending would help my thoughts, Idk, end too?” You moved so that your head was on her lap and you looked up at her. “Did anything I just said make sense out of my head?”

She nodded sadly down at you, her hands, stroking your hair slowly. You closed your eyes again, enjoying the feeling. You always wanted to be a cat when you were little. Your thoughts became slightly fuzzier, interrupted slightly when Ashlyn spoke.

“Don’t fall asleep here kid. Ali will kill us both if we sleep on the couch,” The blond keeper

“Just a few more minutes please?” You asked softly, cracking your eyes open.

“Alright. Just a few,” she nodded.

Coincidentally that’s exactly where Ali would find you the next morning. Cuddled into Ashlyn's stomach, snoring softly. From that moment, it became a team rule. It didn’t matter where you slept, as long as you were sleeping.

*****

You were never going to live this down. Emily took a stealthy photo of you slumped against Alex’s arm, the climax of Black Panther’s fight taking place in the background. Kelley guarded your other side like a pitbull, just daring anyone to try and mess with you.

“How did you get her to fall asleep Alex? She was so hyped up when we got here!” Emily said way too loudly, shrinking slightly when the veterans shushed her.

“I literally just wrapped my arms around her while Kelley braided with her hair,” Alex whispered, glancing down to see that you weren’t moving before she continued, “she kept moving too much for Kelley to get the braid straight, so I just held her still like I do with my niece for family pictures. Once she stopped struggling, it was instant.”

“Works like a charm every time. Who knew the world’s most feared striker could be turned into a puppy with some cuddles and pets?” Megan laughed softly.

“Yeah, yeah, it’s hilarious. Now shush and watch the movie,” Kelley said, flicking Megan playfully. More softly she added, “you’ll wake her.”

That shut the group up quickly. No one wanted to get in trouble for interrupting the little amount of sleep you got.

****

You were sitting next to Alyssa on the bench during practice, bouncing your leg you waited for your turn to run. It had been a stressful week. Everyone was preparing for the first real game of the season and even the usual pre-practice locker room chat had been tenser than usual.

Stress usually meant one thing for you. No sleep. It was like your brain had a death wish and just wanted to make itself more miserable. The dark circles didn’t go unnoticed by your teammates, hence why you had been regulated to the bench with the keeper when you weren’t running drills.

Alyssa started humming absentmindedly. You looked over at her. She was biting the edge of her lip, watching Becky run drills. She stopped and looked over, seemingly realizing that she was making noise.

“Sorry,” she said sheepishly.

“No, it’s really pretty! Please don’t stop on my account,” You said smiling and looking back towards the team as Alyssa started singing under her breath. “MmmhummmM, mmmhummM, So this is love. So this is what makes life Divine.”

You swayed to the tune, closing your eyes, once. You opened them again, more slowly. Then you felt yourself blink twice more, more slowly this time. It took slightly more effort to open them again. You stared hard at the field, not noticing Alyssa scootch closer to you on the bench. Then you blinked again.

“Alright Naeher, you’re up,” AD called jogging over to the bench from where the rest of the keepers were practicing. She stopped short at the glare Alyssa sent her way.

“Don’t think I’m going to be practicing PK’s today,” She said softly, gesturing to you with her free arm. The other arm was wrapped around you, keeping you from falling off the bench like you had almost done when you fell asleep. AD smiled, but then ran back to the group, unwilling to disturb you either.

Maybe the pitch wasn’t the best place to fall asleep, but with the soft looks the team was sending you, they all knew it wouldn’t be the last time. Your health was important and they would help however they could.

*****

It was like a rule on the bus. One didn’t fall asleep unless they wanted to get mustaches drawn on their face, or their cleats stolen. The bus ride to the practice field was long and supposed to be a time for team bonding, though it almost always ended up with Alex and Kelley sharing earbuds to listen to Hosier or Haley Kiyoko, Krashlyn watching some weird reality show, Megan Christen and Tobin discussing Re-ink stuff and the youngins causing havoc on the back, while Becky and Alyssa did their crosswords and Carli watched the road, trying not to get car sick.

You and Sam had seats across the aisle from each other but would sit next to each other on trips like these, playing hangman or Super Mario bros on switch. Today was one of those days where you slid across the aisle, pen in hand, looking for entertainment to keep the boredom away.

“That’s not fair. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious is not an acceptable word to describe winning the World Cup,” Sam snorted, shaking her head as you finished the hangman.

“You’re one to talk. Last time you gave me “jazzy” as a word to describe how it would feel to meet Mia Hamm. You realize that J and Z are like, some of the least commonly used letters in the alphabet?” You exclaimed, your hands waving wildly as you tried to prove your point.

“It was a response to the fact that you picked a word that doesn’t exist,” Sam rolled her eyes.

“Wacknut is totally a word,” you huffed crossing your arms.

“You know what ducky, I think,” Sam paused, covering her mouth as a giant yawn split her face, “You’re a wacknut.” She finished, exhaling and wiping a tear from one of her eyes.

“Stop that, I didn’t sleep last night,” you said, yawning unintentionally yourself.

“Told you not to watch that last episode of Game of Thrones,” Sam said, stretching her arms slightly in front of her.

“You were right, it was a terrible ending, and a disgrace to television, but I had to know” You mumbled, your voice growing soft, and trailing off towards the end.

“I know, we were all let down by that one,” Sam said, leaning her head on top of yours, comfortingly. “I should take my own advice more often, 6 hours of sleep is just not enough.”

“Hmm, I know why they call you the tower of power, you’re soooo warm,” You nuzzled into her shoulder, her heartbeat soothing you.

“Did anyone ever tell you the story of how I got that name?” Sam asked, stifling another yawn.

“No,” you echoed her yawn.

“Good, they never tell it right. Once upon a time, there was a badass named me. The end.”

“Hmm,”

****

“So I know that we’re never supposed to wake Y/N up unless there’s an emergency, but we have practice and there aren’t any rules pertaining to Sammy,” Emily said too loudly, staring at where you were cuddled into Sam’s chest. The bus had stopped a few minutes ago and had slowly unloaded.

“Yeah, they’re kind of impossible to separate without waking both of them up,” Lindsey nodded, showing Alex a picture she had gotten from above you. Not only was Sam’s head on you, the two of you were holding hands in your sleep, and your other hand was tangled on the end of her shirt like your dreaming mind had mistaken it for a blanket and tried to pull it up.

“I have no problem carrying ducky, but I’m not tall enough to get Sam too,” Kelley said, scratching her head.

Behind them, Dawn walked back onto the bus. “What’s the holdup people? We have a practice to get to! I’m not defending you to Vlatko if you’re late again Sonnett.”

You jumped at the noise, jostling Sam awake too. You blinked at the woman, eyes wide and suddenly alert, searching for danger. “What happened!”

“Whoa, slow down killer. You fell asleep on Sam and she fell asleep on you,” Emily smirked as your cheeks turned blood red.

“We just arrived to practice. You’re not late yet,” Lindsey said, punching Sam lightly in the shoulder and turning to grab her bag. “You’re lucky Sam that you had a sleeping meep meep to protect you, otherwise you totally would have been pranked for napping on the bus.

“There’s no way in hell that meep meep fell asleep before our favorite tower of power.” Emily bantered back, shoving Lindsey off of the bus.

“We better go,” You said softly, playing with the hand that was still intertwined with Sams.

“Yeah, probably. Remind me to sleep with you again sometime. That was the best nap I had in ages,” Sam said absentmindedly stretching her neck to each side. Your eyes went wide. Then she froze, realizing what she had said. “Wait. That came out wrong.”

“It’s fine Sammie, I know what you meant, and I’d love that,” you bumped her shoulder with yours, then grabbed your bag. “Race you to the pitch!”

Sam shook her head as if to clear it as you launched yourself off the bus. Then she grabbed her bag and followed you, sprinting to try and catch up.

Yep, the team would do everything they could to make sure their little meep meep got the best sleep she could.

#uswnt imagine #uswnt imagines #uswnt x reader #literalhedgehog

537 notes · View notes

asphora · 4 years ago

Text

Marigolds | csc

wc: 5,569 | angst, hanahaki disease, seungcheol x reader, f!reader, non-idol!verse, cursing, character death, tw:sickness, tw:death

a/n: I’ve been in a slump and in a really bad place recently, but out of nowhere this came to me and somehow writing it made me feel better? idk. Also, I recommend listening to Yiruma’s Prelude in Gm. It’s such a beautiful piece. Anyway, thank you.

Love can often look like so many things that don’t seem like love.

The night the world stops spinning is the night you see her for the first time. You’d known of her existence long before you’d even had the misfortune of laying your eyes on her, from stories and various retellings enthusiastically recounted to you by your group of 13 male friends. Their words had made her something of a phantasmagoric collection of enchanting and enigmatic quirks and traits, something otherworldly; brave and spontaneous, fun but equally intelligent. But for all their praise, you figured their words were just that.

Nodding along as Seungcheol prattled on about her ardently, you silently listened, finding some semblance of solace knowing that there was no person without flaws. To you, she seemed more like a Monet than anything; something beautiful to behold, but only from a distance. The closer anyone got, surely the more the cracks would start to show and for all her magic and mystery, you figured soon enough the boys, particularly Seungcheol, would soon realize the truth: that there was no such thing as magic. Only real people, with their flaws and undone seams, haphazardly strewn together.

That night the music blared in your ears, despite coming from the next room where Soonyoung was drunkenly DJing. Around you were throngs of people, a mix of strangers and friends alike, bodies danced intoxicatedly moving to the beat reverberating through the walls of the frat-house.

When you see him, you can’t fight the smile that spreads on your lips. Your hand is already raised, ready to wave him down and wrap him in the embrace you two always shared. You don’t know it yet, but that night is different from all the others; the beginning of the end.

It only takes him few steps more for you to see that his hand, which is usually stuffed into his pockets, is prettily decorated by her dainty one; milky skin seemingly unmarred by the harsh yellow lighting in the crowded living room and her ring finger ornamented by a big bright rock you recalled seeing at Seungcheol’s apartment a week prior.

Immediately your hand falls to your side and you take a step back, disappearing effortlessly into the crowd as your watchful eyes are trained on the couple. She with her red silk dress that seemed to accentuate and hug her body in the most complimentary way, and him in his usual all black ensemble that definitely did not betray the senses, showcasing his toned body through the fabric. They looked more like they belonged on the front of some expensive travel or style catalogue.

You would have described the pair as one that stuck out like a sore thumb, but that wasn’t the case. As they waded through the waves of people—his arms wrapped gently around her, never faltering in their protective hold on her—they seemed to put everyone else to shame. It wasn’t that they didn’t belong at this party, it was that they made everyone else look like they shouldn't have been there.

As you watch them laughing and dancing, whispering, faces always close to each other’s, you realize that she is not the mirage you had made her out to be in your head. She’s everything they said she was, and even more, she bore his heart.

“Seungcheol!” the bellowing voices of 13 other boys pull you from your thoughts and suddenly, you go from a passive by-stander simply basking in the glow of the couple, to the forefront of all the excitement as Mingyu finds you in the crowd and pulls you by the arm to where Seungcheol and the others are standing.

Dark chocolate irises that you’ve known all your life and have practically memorized at this point meet your own and that’s the last color you register along with the sounds of cheering and shouting of joyous congratulations, before everything becomes a blur of motion as your legs will you through the halls of the frat house you practically lived at. After that all you see is orange—bright, fiery, blazing orange.

As you sink onto the floor of Jihoon’s bathroom, vision bleary from the pain, you press your cheek onto the tile taking whatever comfort you can from their soothing coolness.

‘Marigolds,’ you chuckle at the irony of just how fitting it is, the sound coming out more of a garbled cough than a laugh due to the burning in your throat, 'in the language of flowers, it meant despair, grief and jealousy.'

As you shift in and out of consciousness, the alcohol in your system working too well with the pain in your chest and throat, forcing you under, you reach your hand out, fingers trying to grasp at the orange blossoms. You hadn’t even made it to the toilet.

‘Sorry Woozi,’ you think in your last moments of consciousness, ‘promise I’ll clean it later. It just hurts too much right now.’

And that’s how the said male finds you.

Once the party is done, Jihoon retreats to his quarters only slightly tipsy since he wasn’t much of a drinker anyway like the rest of the guys. There you are, passed out in the middle of his bathroom floor, lying in what at first glance seemed to be clouds of fire.

If he hadn’t know exactly what he was looking at, he would’ve thought the sight to be beautiful, immaculate even; your limp form swimming in a sea of marigolds, hands outstretched and gripping some of the fresh blooms in your hands, dark hair splayed out across the flowers in stark contrast to the vibrant orange beneath, and your face though tearstained was adorned with loose petals sticking to your skin.

His bathroom had never smelled so nice, he thought despite knowing you’d vomited these flowers. Never in his life had he seen Marigolds as vibrant as these, so alive and in full bloom, as though spring had come in the middle of winter to take up residence in his bathroom; the sight would put Demeter to shame. But he knew the truth of it; this sight was anything but that of life. You were dying.

***

“You have to get the surgery, y/n.” Jihoon sighs the words onto the skin of your forearm where there are various tubes sticking out of you, seemingly the only things keeping you somewhat alive.

You can tell by the way he says it that he’s beyond exhausted, that these are words that he’s tired of saying, that this is a plea he and all the other 11 boys from your friend group are tired of begging you for. You don’t say anything, and your silence only makes him more irked.

“If you aren’t going to get the surgery, at least tell him the truth,” Jihoon attempts to reason with you, “he deserves to know the truth, or even just the chance to save his best friend. You can’t avoid him forever, and you sure as hell can’t just suddenly die and leave him wondering how the fuck that happened.”

Jihoon’s crass words make you laugh, a breathy quiet chagrin that slips from your lips sounding more like a cough than mirth. He’s so fed up with you that he doesn’t even bother to choose his words wisely, not like how he was when this all started a month ago.

“He hasn’t even tried to visit me.” At that he rolls his eyes.

“Because you won’t let him. You won’t even let us tell him that you’re in the hospital. As far as he knows your back home with your parents getting better, not here in Seoul, in a hospital, fucking dying.”

This time, it’s your turn to roll your eyes and admonish him, albeit weaker compared to his display. “I get it Woozi, I’m dying, I don’t have much longer to live. Tell me something the doctors haven’t, I get it—”

“No, you don’t!” His booming voice suddenly cuts you off. For the first time in your long friendship with him, he raises his voice at you.

“You don’t get it,” you watch him as he shakes his head, “you say you get it, that you know you’re dying, but you don’t. You’re acting like this is a small thing, that it’ll go away sooner or later, but it isn’t. It’s either you get the surgery or you’re dead, done, gone forever. There won’t even be anything left of you to love that oblivious, unworthy asshole you call your best friend.

“A real best friend would be more worried about you, would be here, breaking down doors and begging me and the rest of the guys to let him see you, he’d at the very least, demand to be able to visit you and not be running around having fun with his whatever-she-is while you’re dying.”

Tears fill Jihoon’s eyes as he paces, arms angrily flailing as he rants to and at you. That’s when Wonwoo, seemingly forgotten in the corner, ever the quiet spectator and your next closest friend after Jihoon and Seungcheol, steps in to place a calming hand on Jihoon’s heaving chest.

“Jihoon,” Wonwoo’s thick baritone pierces through the sound of Jihoon’s angry breaths, “that’s enough. Look at her, she’s crying.”

You hadn’t realized it until Wonwoo had pointed out, but your face was hot with moisture, and your patient’s gown was soaked down the front with the tears that had run off your face. Jihoon seeing this seems to snap out of his trance, his stance relaxing and his eyes growing soft.

“Sorry, y/n, I-I didn’t mean, I—”

“It’s okay Jihoonie,” you hadn’t used that nickname in a long time, not since Seungcheol had practically thrown a fit, banning you from calling any of the others by cute nicknames, “it’s okay, don’t be sorry, I get it.”

Giving him and Wonwoo the warmest smile you can muster in your weakened state, you open your arms out for them, their strong sturdy forms quick to bend to fill the tiny space of your arms, wrapping your frail form in their own warmth.

“Don’t worry,” you whisper the words onto the tops of their heads, petting the hair there, “I get it, I do. You don’t have to be sorry. I’m scared too.”

The admission of your own fear wracks a brand-new sob through your chest that you hadn’t known you were holding back, and immediately you’re crying a fresh batch of tears onto the fabric of their shirts.

“I don’t want to die,” you wail despite the scratching of your throat as you clutch the fabric of their shirts into clenched fists, “but I can’t, I don’t want to—I can’t do it. If I get the surgery, I’ll forget, and I can’t—

“I can’t live in a world where I don’t know Seungcheol, where I don’t know his smile or the sound of his voice and his laughter, where I don’t know that he’s a cry baby and that his favorite kind of movies are romcoms, even though he’ll never admit it to anyone but me.

“I’m scared too, but it’s not just dying,” you sob, “what kind of life would it be if I stopped knowing him? If I couldn't even remember the only love I’ve ever known?”

***

Weeks pass in a blur of burning orange speckled with blotches of vibrant red; hospital bins filled to the brim with orange marigolds drenched in bile and blood; nurses carrying and disposing more and more beautiful bright bouquets of marigolds each passing day.

“The marigolds are really pretty, at least.” Soonyoung absentmindedly remarks as he watches a nurse file out of the room, two trash bins in hand, brimming with freshly puked flowers.

Seungkwan who stands beside him gives the hin a look of complete outrage, nudging Soonyoung’s side a little too harshly with his elbow, making the blonde yelp in pain. Jihoon who’s sitting at your bedside only rolls his eyes at the insensitivity, while the rest of the boys stand around awkwardly and apologetically.

The tense sight of almost all your closest friends standing around as if they were at your funeral rather than just your hospital room only makes you laugh into the receptacle on your mouth, cursing the restraining contraption despite it being the only thing that’s managed to help you breathe throughout this whole ordeal.

Shifting up weakly, you move to sit up in your hospital bed to get a better look at the boys. Jihoon’s hands are quicker than your frail body though, as he tries to keep you lying down.

“C’mon, Hoonie, I’m dying, not losing my sense of humor,” you shrug his hands away and Mingyu’s takes their place to sit you up, “what Soonyoung said was funny.”

“I’m not offended, it’s funny. I mean, they are pretty, right? It would suck if I was dying and the flowers exploding out my gut were fucking ugly as shit. Could you imagine puking roses? Ugh, how generic,” you chuckle, upping the dramatics and giving Soonyoung a wink along with a mirthful grin which he sheepishly returns.

You glance at Seungkwan who’s trying to bite down his smile and you offer him your own wide one, “bet you never had a flower shop for a friend, huh?” And at that, the others who’d spent most of this time awkwardly standing around, the same way they did every week when they came to visit, finally let out their laughter.

You laugh along with them as much as your lungs will allow and you shake Jihoon’s shoulder, as if the gesture will shake the frown off of his face as you whine, “C’mon, please don’t be mad, Jihoon. I’m dying, you’re not allowed to be mad at me.”

“She kinda has a point, Hyung.” Vernon, feeling more relaxed after your joke, takes a seat at the foot of your bed and shrugs at the older male.

“Dying friend trumps angry friend,” you shrug, smiling brightly at Vernon who just pets your leg affectionately. Despite his irritation, Jihoon watches the exchange and visibly softens, patting your head just as sweetly and giving you half a smile. “Whatever, you’re stupid.”

“By the way, where’s Wonwoo?” Mingyu asks, changing the topic effectively, “isn’t he supposed to be here, too?”

“He said he’s running late,” Jihoon checks the clock, noting that the male is never usually this late, “he said he had to pick up something before—” as if on cue, the male in question rushes through the doors of your hospital room, panting and sweaty.

“What the heck, Woo? Did you run all the way here?” you laugh at his disheveled state, “don’t you have a car—” just as quickly as he makes it through the door, your words die on your tongue, finally seeing just what it was he had to pick up, rather who.

“Seungcheol.” The world seems to stop for a moment when your eyes meet his, and everyone in the room becomes as still as statues, the playful mood from earlier quickly dissolving into wordless tension.

It feels like eons before someone breaks the palpable stiffness in the room, but it’s Wonwoo’s voice that slices through it and breaks the trance you and Seungcheol are locked in, “I’m sorry, y/n.”

“What the actual fuck, Wonwoo!” This is the loudest your voice has ever managed to be since you arrived at the hospital and the strain burns your throat so much that you start coughing violently, gasping desperately for air as a fresh wave of nausea hits you and the rest of the boys can tell right away by the panicked look in your eyes.

Vernon, who’s closest to the new trash bin is quick to grab it, placing it in front of you on your lap, while Mingyu’s hands efficiently remove the breathing receptacle from your face. Jihoon reacts like it’s his second nature to pull your hair out of your face and hold it behind you, while Wonwoo moves to your side to gently stroke your back, cooing soft encouraging whispers into your ear as bright orange starts to assault your senses, blurring your vision and filling the room with sickly sweet scent of marigolds along with the sounds of your violent retching. Soonyoung and Seokmin are quick to leave the room, saying they’ll call a nurse for an extra bin while the rest sit to the side, not even an inkling of panic on their faces.

It all happens so fast, with such lighting precision and rehearsed accuracy that Seungcheol is sure that this isn’t the first time his closest friends have been through this. He realizes quickly that he’s the only one who hadn't known.

Once you're done unloading your flowery guts into the bin, Minghao is already ready with a moist towelette to wipe away any dribble along your lips. Your weak gaze manages to meet Seungcheol’s confused but visibly enraged ones, but you don’t speak. Not for lack of ability to, but because there was nothing left to say. The jig was up, he knew.

“What the fuck, y/n?” Seungcheol’s voice is booming and you almost laugh at how often you’d heard those words in the span of time you’d been in the hospital, but his next words cease any coherent thought you might have, “who is he? Tell me, y/n, who the fuck is he, I’ll kill him.”

Confused, your eyes dart from the angry eyes of the subject of your affections, to the bespectacled ones of your other best friend who was still standing beside you, hands unwaveringly rubbing gentle, soothing circles onto your back.

“Woo?”

“I thought you should be the one to tell him.” He explains, eyes apologetic.

“I swear to god, y/n! Is this where you’ve been the past two months?” Seungcheol, ever the impulsive and quick to anger person he is, doesn’t even register the moment that passes between you and Wonwoo, “Why didn’t you tell me? I can’t believe you wouldn’t tell your best friend! We’ve been through everything together, and I would do anything for you but you were just going to go through all of this, all alone, without me?”

You only laugh at how he was exactly the same Seungcheol you’d always remembered. Two torturous months had passed and while the time had seemed to trudge on slowly for you, the time feeling like eternities without him, it had flown by for him and he had emerged from the other end practically unscathed; you were dying, and in a way, he was literally killing you with heartbreak but all he could think about was how you could have the audacity to leave him out of your own illness and death.

Classic Seungcheol. It might have seemed unbearably selfish of him, but this was also part of why you loved him so dearly. He was so innocent, so caught up in his own heart that he barely registered anyone else’s, but it also meant that once he treasured someone, he would do anything, sacrifice anything for them. His one-track mind and heart would never let him be or do anything less; if Seungcheol had to give you the world just so that you might live, he would die trying to get it.

It was exactly why you had wanted to leave him out of it. You knew that he was too kind, too self-sacrificing to the point of selfishness, too caught up in his own emotions that he would never understand your choice to not have the surgery—to die.

“Sorry, Cheolie,” you try to smile despite the sob that gets caught in your throat, “I just thought it would be better this way.”

At your words, he immediately unclenches and finally all the anger that wracks his body seems to dissipate from him until all that’s left in his irises is confusion and hurt. "You don’t have to do this. You can just have the surgery,” he coaxes, walking over to your bedside where he takes your hand in his, gently rubbing the skin there with his thumb before gently pressing it to his lips, closing his eyes as he does so.

“But I can’t, Cheolie, I can’t forget—” you almost slip up and say ‘you’, but you swallow it down and Seungcheol is quick to take the reigns of the conversation again.

“You can! You can forget that bastard! Whoever he is, he doesn’t deserve you, your love, or your death.” He pleads, tears pricking the edges of his eyes.

“You don’t know that Seungcheol,” the first time in a long time you’d used his first name, “he doesn’t deserve me, he deserves better, you just don’t know—”

“I don’t want to know! If he really loved you, he wouldn’t be letting you die here all alone—”

“But I’m not alone!” you try to argue, but Seungcheol isn’t having any of it, he’s too riled up again, too in his pain to let you explain anything to him.

“No, y/n! For fuck’s sake, listen to me! If he can’t love you when you’re fucking willing to die for him, then he’s not gonna love you even after you’re dead! And there’s no use dying just to remember someone who doesn’t love you!” he heaves, “isn’t it better to just be alive not remembering someone who could never love you?”

Everyone stood around you, eyes wide and tensely watching, awaiting your response with bated breath. His words hurt. More than anything, they felt like a death sentence, an indirect confirmation that Seungcheol could never and would never return your feelings. Fighting the marigolds bubbling in your chest threatening to spill out, you can only shake your head, smiling at him as tears finally spill from your eyes.

It takes everything in Jihoon not to punch the lights out of Seungcheol as everyone watches you cry, but Wonwoo’s firm grip on Jihoon’s arm is warning enough that you wouldn’t want them fighting with each other.

“It’s okay,” you finally manage the words, and everyone but Seungcheol knows that the words are more for everyone else in the room, “I know you don’t understand, and I don’t expect you to.

“You’re not meant to; it’s not for you to understand. This is mine.” Seungcheol meets your eyes and in them he sees a finality that he has never seen before, a certainty unmarred by fear or sadness. “So, I don’t care if you’re mad at me, or if you don’t agree. You don’t have to, you just have to be my friend and sit this one out, okay?”

Your eyes scan through the room, meeting the eyes of all your closest friends, asking for their silent agreement to both keep your secret but also to no longer question your decision. “Just be my friend and sit with me till—”

“Till the end.” Wonwoo finishes when you’re unable to, voice shaky from overuse and the emotions.

The night the world ends is the day your heart finally stops. For three days prior you’d been in a medically induced coma, the doctors explaining to Jihoon and all your friends that it would be too much, too painful to keep you awake while your body slowly failed; your lungs slowly filling with blood, fluid and marigolds, its roots constricting the far too weakened organ tighter and tighter until your system would eventually crash from the lack of oxygen. Ultimately suffering from a long and arduous suffocation.

When you go, it isn’t peaceful or serene like the books or the movies often say it is. Your body is a mess of convulsions and painful retching fits. Despite being sedated, you're gasping for air; your body seemingly clawing onto life and fighting to preserve itself despite your heart telling it to let go. As the last of your struggle and life dissipates from your body, you’re surrounded by the same friends who’d kept you company throughout this whole ordeal.

Till the end, even on the days you could no longer talk, or wake up to even see them, they had stayed. Some talked to you, sometimes telling you stories, reading you your favorite books, and even saying their goodbyes one by one. Even Seungcheol, who despite his bursts of anger and frequent tantrums that had him walking out, always returned to keep his promise and just sit with you.

That night, there were no marigolds like when Jihoon had first found you, it was not beautiful or immaculate. There was no portrait of you sprawled in a field of bright golden flowers. Instead, there were only bloodied, wilting petals scattered at your bedside and sticking to your skin and robes, the orange barely visible through the blood that stained them. Your frame was the smallest they’d ever seen it and you were completely pale, the only color on you was the blood that had caked and dried at your lips and wherever else it had splattered, along with the mess of withering petals.

When the flatline finally echoes through your tiny ICU room, with 13 cramped bodies, not including the doctors and nurses, no one says anything. Wonwoo is the first to crack, taking your limp hand in his, pressing the lifeless limb to his lips then falling to his knees and finally breaking down completely for the first time. Everyone else follows suit.

Your distant relatives had settled the arrangements for the funeral, deciding to have it in Seoul where you would be surrounded by all your friends and most beloved ones. They are kind and understanding, despite not having been close with you and they thank everyone who attends graciously. All your friends attend, Seungcheol even brings his girlfriend for moral support and she does just that. You would’ve been happy that he had her shoulder to cry on, Jihoon thinks as he watches them.

The night Seungcheol’s world stops is a week after your passing. Jihoon invites Seungcheol to go out with him and Wonwoo. When he meets the pair at the park, sitting on a bench, all three of them almost laugh at how much of a similar state they’re all in; eyes puffy with dark circles underneath to match, and faces swollen from sleepless nights spent crying.

“If y/n were here, she’d laugh at how bad we look,” Wonwoo laughs, the first to break the silence, “she’d never let us live it down.”

“I miss her.” Seungchol breathes out the words into a puff of cold exhalation. At the words, Jihoon feels his fists clench, a sudden rage washing over him, but Wonwoo is quick and takes it upon himself to perform the difficult task at hand instead of Jihoon.

“You should know, Seungcheol,” Wonwoo sadly meets the gaze of his friend, forcing the words and choking down the tears in his throat, “it was you.”

“Y/n didn’t want us to tell you, she was kind that way,” Jihoon runs a hand through his locks, fighting the tears, “but we’re not as kind.”

“We thought you deserved to know.” Wonwoo clarifies, not letting Jihoon’s anger cloud their actual purpose.

“She was in love with you, she always has been,” Jihoon sighs, recounting the conversation he had with you a few weeks prior to you being comatose.

“There’s still time, y/n. I know I said I would drop it, I’m sorry, but you can’t blame a guy for trying to save his best friend, right?” He smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes.

“It’s okay, Hoonie, I understand.” Till the very end, you were kind despite your pain.

“You know why marigolds?” your eyes look to Wonwoo sitting by Jihoon then trail off to the view outside your window. “When I first arrived in Seoul, he was my first friend. I met him in a field of marigolds. I’d fallen and scraped my knee. It was really bad actually, I had to get stitches after. I remember trying so hard not to cry, because I was a big girl and this was the big city and I just felt like there were no room for tears here, y’know?”

You laugh at the memory, “out of nowhere this big kid comes running at me asking if I’m okay. While I tried not to cry, telling him I was okay, he took one look at the gaping wound and all the blood on my skirt and he started crying so loudly.

He was so dramatic that it almost made me forget how much it hurt, and I could laugh even just a little at him. So overly emotional, that boy.” You shake your head. “Anyway, I ask him why he’s crying, and this obviously much older and taller boy bawls at me saying ‘it looks like it hurts, doesn’t it hurt? And you’re not crying so I’ll just cry for you’.”

“He cried so much that his parents eventually found him and me, and brought me to the hospital to get stitches. I’ve been with him ever since. We were so young back then. I’m sure he doesn’t even remember…”

Finally looking back at Jihoon who now sees the fresh tears in your eyes, “but I-I don’t want to forget, Jihoon. I don’t want to forget him or who he helped me become.”

“And I knew, you know?” chuckling mirthlessly, your eyes shift to Wonwoo’s sad eyes as they watch your sadder ones, “I knew he couldn’t feel that way about me, I knew he didn’t love me, but I adored him anyway. There were times I thought, maybe, maybe he’d finally see me...”

Turning back to Jihoon, you could only shrug, “but we all know how that turned out.”

“She always loved you, Seungcheol,” Wonwoo interjects, ending Jihoon’s retelling and watching as the older male’s eyes fill with tears.

“But why didn’t she—why couldn’t she just have told me? She could’ve just been honest.”

“We all know that wasn’t an option,” it’s Jihoon’s turn to interrupt this time, “you were engaged, and she wasn’t going to ever let herself get in the way of that.”

A silence passes between them at his words. It was true. No matter how Seungcheol looked at it and flipped it around in his head, you were far too selfless to do anything so cruel, and knowing you, the last thing you’d want was to make it any harder on him. You were no angel, but you were a good person, the best he knew, but he also knew you could be selfish to a certain extent. Instead of just going through with the surgery, you suffered painfully till the very end, and all to preserve memories of someone who he now knew didn’t even deserve to be remembered, all because he was too blind and too wrapped up in his own heart to see it, to see you.

“I love you; I’m waiting for you unbearably.” Wonwoo’s eyes are closed as he whispers the words into the emptiness of the starless night sky. The two males stare at him wordlessly as if waiting for an explanation and after taking his time, letting the moment pass, he does.

“It was a quote y/n really loved, from a book she recommended to me a while back.” He smiles fondly at the memory, “during her last days, sometimes she’d whisper it in her sleep.”

They sat there in silence for what seemed like hours, wordlessly comforting each other by just being there. As they stayed there, basking in the stillness and calm that seemed to envelope the rest of the universe; your death felt like the world had ended, but here it was, continuing to spin through the vastness of the cold October night sky; blissfully ignorant of your passing. Even in that emptiness, there was comfort and somehow, they could almost feel you; just there, sitting with them till the end.

Seungcheol is the first to stand to leave, whispering a hoarse thank you to the two before turning to head to his car and driving off, home to his fiancé. Wonwoo and Jihoon don’t say anything more. It’s Jihoon who decides when it’s finally time to leave. He turns to Wonwoo, beckoning to the male with a nod.

“Let’s go, Woo.”

“Do you think it will hurt?” Jihoon doesn’t look at him as he drives, but quirks his brow, confused by his question.

“What, the surgery?”

It takes a moment before Wonwoo can respond. He’s perfectly calm, looking out the window at the streaks of passing light as he shakes his head, “no. Forgetting.”

The words take Jihoon by surprise, but he doesn’t show it, not wanting to worry him any further. Instead, he gives him a comforting smile, the first hint of sincere softness on his face since you had been admitted to the hospital, and shakes his head.

“No, I don’t think so. I think it only hurts when you know you’re forgetting. But once you’ve forgotten, then there has to be some relief in that, right? To be able to be a blank slate. A new start, she would have wanted that for you.”

Wonwoo only nods, closing his eyes as he takes in the younger’s words.

“Don’t worry, Wonwoo,” Jihoon’s hand is a comforting warmth on his shoulder, “even when you can’t remember her anymore, I’ll remember her for the both of us.”

Fin.

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katnissmellarkkk · 4 years ago

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Andddd here’s my chappy three thoughts 🥳🥳🥳

Hmmm Katniss saying that her mother has a dress made of velvet is actually really interesting because it shows that Mrs. Everdeen Lily-Rose really was well-er off before she married Katniss’ father Hunter.

Or did she get the velvet dress from Maysilee? Oh well, who knows.

Aww, Katniss’ nervous habit of touching soft things repeatedly to soothe herself 🤧🤧.

“Crying is not an option. There will be more cameras at the train station.” — someone tell that to Peeta 🤣🤣🤣.

Okay I gotta stop picking on Primmers, I know but like. How small is she that she sits on Katniss’ lap like a toddler but then in the following year is the same height as her? Doesn’t matter I know but still I wonder.

Okay so Mrs. E is the doctor for the people of the Seam? Idk I never thought about this but who does people like Peeta or Madge or Delly go to if they’re sick or hurt? Is there a still running apothecary shop that Katniss never mentions? Are her grandparents still running the family biz?

Also okay, I gotta stop having so many thoughts on all the lil details I know but like. Katniss says here she’s familiar with the herbs her mother doesn’t grow on her own so like a). Katniss is more of a healer than she leads on because no average person knows what kind of plant is medicinal and b). Her mother is just growing herbs and Katniss never mentions it again in the whole series? Or I just missed it.

Okay imma move on from this one singular paragraph but Gale and her made a pact a year ago that they’ll supply each other’s family with game if they were to be reaped... I’m feeling like their close friendship is probably only one year old then? Idk. Just my interpretation.

Honestly I love Katniss getting mad at her mom here.

She’s sixteen, for God’s sake, of course she’s angry at what her mother’s illness put her through.

Also I lowkey like that her mother got mad back because that lady in the movies had zero personality.

“Boys who are two to three times my size.” She sounds so little, omg 🥺🥺🥺.

“I don’t care if we’re rich, I just really want you to come home” 🤧🤧🤧😩😩😩😩 okay Primmers, you got me here.

“the Peacekeeper is at the door, signaling our time is up, and we're all hugging one another so hard it hurts and all I'm saying is ‘I love you. I love you both.’ And they're saying it back...” this is so sad leave me be 😫😫😫😫

Katniss is burying her face in a pillow to block out her emotions this is too much for me 🥵🥵🥵

Omg I forgot Peeta’s father visits Katniss 😅

Why does he visit Katniss?

She describes Peeta’s father as a “big, broad-shouldered man.” And then describes Peeta as stocky. Idk the comparison of the two descriptions has always led me to think Peeta is gonna be a big dude when he grows up like his father. This made no sense and had zero correlation but I thought, so I said it, no regrets

Oh he brought her cookies 🤧

WAIT WAIT WAIT. I just had a new thought, y’all. What if instead of the baker bringing cookies being a thing he does for all tributes, what if he’s bringing the cookies because Peeta asked him to, because he made them and wants to give them to Katniss and knows she’ll never accept / trust them coming from her competition? What if that’s the real reason the baker visited her in the first place? Because Peeta asked him to? This was such a shipper comment but idc, no regrets, remember?

Omg Peeta’s father is just mute 🤣🤣🤣

Between an abusive, angry mother and a mute for a father, the Mellark brothers must have had a fairytale of a childhood 😅😅😅😅.

But seriously #PoorPeetaMyBaby

Aww Peeta’s father is gonna help keep Prim alive 😭

Omg I just remembered he’s her mother’s ex boyfriend. Haidon Mellark, as I named him in my fics.

That one fic where he was thought to be Prim’s real father is just playing now in my head, rent free.

But does Katniss not realize that he may be offering to help Prim as a favor to her? Like she claims Prim is just so wonderful people adore her but there’s like zero evidence in the text that make her endearing? Okay I need to turn this bus around, I need to find a love for Primmy Deen.

Madge is not one for preamble apparently. No “hi, how are you? I’m sorry you’re gonna die? What will your last meal be?” Just right to “here, wear this family heirloom of mine, k thanks.”

I like that Madge had to kiss her cheek for Katniss to realize they were friends 😅😅😅.

I remember always loving her and Gale’s hug here. I’ve always felt like it was platonic, but especially when I first read the books and had zero preference one way or another for Gale or Peeta, I really liked how she said even with nothing romantic between them, “when he opens his arms, I don’t hesitate to go to him” or something I’m paraphrasing ok I’m lazy

Also though, this is the first time they’ve ever hugged? Idk why that surprises me? It shouldn’t because where is a hug gonna fit into a hunting trip 😅🤣😂 “I just caught a deer!” “let’s celebrate with a hug!”

I like that Katniss remembers how her father even failed to make a good bow sometimes. Random, I know.

I like that the Capitol weren’t entertained by the people freezing to deaths because it wasn’t bloody enough 🤭🙃

“How different can it be [to kill a human vs an animal]?” She’s about to find out, Gale 🥺. And when she comes back you won’t understand 🙄😔

What did Gale want to say before the Peacekeepers dragged him away?

I used to think it was a confession of love but I’m actually sure it wasn’t now? Just the wording “remember I-“ doesn’t sound like it, considering he never confessed anything prior to her coming home.

I’m assuming now he was just gonna give her some more advice to stay alive 🤷🏼‍♀️. Clearly if it were relevant it would have made its way to the others books.

Aww, she’s never been inside a car before 😭😭. I didn’t even know they had cars in this universe but okay.

I notice though how she says “In the Seam, we travel on foot.” So is Peeta just riding his trolly down the street every day with the other merchants then? 🤣

Peeta just openly crying on camera 😅😢.

I like how Katniss is like “ooo is this an act to get sponsors?” when in reality Peeta’s like “no, I’m just a soft and genuine boy ™️”

Omg I just realized this totally goes along with Peeta’s thing later on “I want to die as myself”

He’s refusing to hold back his emotions because he thinks he’s doomed to die and he’s already refusing to pretend to be or feel something ingenious.

But a Johanna mention in book 1 chapter 3 woohoo 🥳🥳🥳 also Katniss comparing Jo and Peeta is kind of like foreshadowing of their shared torture in book 3.

Omg she just called Peeta broad-shouldered and strong. 🥰🥰🥰 my headcanon for his post-canon body is confirmed

Also why does Katniss keep allotting his strength to carrying bread trays around? Are they heavy? Why have I never once heard of people who carry bread trays being strong? I always thought Peeta was really strong because he learned to fight in order to defend himself against his mother but that’s probably wrong.

But if a mother is abusive, it can lead to one of the kids being physically violent as well and we know Peeta isn’t but he has two older brothers I’m gonna cut myself off now but I think we all smelled what I just stepped in.

Also I just find it so fascinating now how she regards herself vs Peeta here.

When talking about herself, she says, “The competition will be far beyond my abilities. [...] Oh, there'll be people like me, too. People to weed out before the real fun begins.” But when she talks about Peeta, she immediately says, “It would take an awful lot of weeping to convince anyone to overlook him.”

It’s just funny how she discounted herself right from the start but thought he was a real contender and then come to find out, Peeta believes it’s the exact opposite 😂🙃. They’re both so stupid I can’t even take it.

Wait did they actually give the location of the Capitol and the location of District Twelve in today’s world? And I just overlooked it? Brb I’m gonna go to google maps right quick.

Okay so basically what I gathered is the Capitol is probably in New Mexico and District Twelve is somewhere between Kentucky and Alabama. Irrelevant I know. But just a reminder now to everyone that Katniss and Peeta are literally speaking, crying and screaming in thick, backwoods southern accents.

It’s literally so sad how everything for Katniss is about food. Like every motive she has, every action she does is about preventing starvation ever again. 🤧🤧🤧

First mockingjay mention 🤭🤭.

“My father was particularly fond of mockingjays” 😭😭😭 I bet he was 😭😭😭😭

We always go on and on about how Katniss is a mockingjay or her children are mockingjays but Katniss herself here says mockingjays represent her father imma cry, y’all 😫😫😫😫

“It’s like having a piece of my father with me, protecting me” shut up shut up shut up shut up

Awww, Katniss has never had food like this before 😔😔😔

Neither has Peeta 🤧🤧

Katniss disliking the way Effie put the two kids from the year before down and so began to eat like a pig just to prove her point, is so her. And the beginning of her fighting for the underdog.

Omg the Rue introduction 🥺🥺🥺

Bahahahaha the commenters calling District Twelve backwards but charming 😅😅😅 they really are the hillbilly district

Peeta’s unexpected laugh 🥺🥺🥺 I love you, baby

“He was drunk. He’s drunk every year.” “Every day.” Katniss and Peeta are already finishing each other’s sentiments and teaming up to get on Effie’s nerves I love them so much 😍

Oh my God, Effie, you selfish jerk. They’re kids having fun for like one second, no need to throw in their faces they’re gonna die if the drunk won’t help them. I’d forgotten why I don’t really like the book version of her. I actually prefer her as comedic relief in the movies.

I actually just realized I really dislike Effie Trinket, I hope they never speak to her again Post-Mockingjay. Idc how you’re raised you don’t need to treat teenagers who are sentenced to a probable death badly just because they laughed at you 🙄🙄🙄😡😡😡😡. They didn’t even really laugh at her, she’s just annoying and awful, we don’t stan Effie in this household.

Okay, that’s all for my thoughts on chapter three! Until next time, y’all ! If anyone actually read this long mess of a post.

#thgagain #this is so long I’m sorry #also yes I’m gonna use a Jennifer gif again

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af1899 · 3 years ago

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FEH - "The outside world...! So vast!" (+10 WIP Sophia mini-showcase and appreciation)

So, with the [Feh Pass] subscription, I've been auto battling as much as I could while doing whatever else and gather [Hero Feathers] to get all the [HM] I had yet to get, and it was absolutely worth it, although I've already spent like 300 out of my 900+ something [Stamina Bottles] in the [Forging Bonds] lmao, I have around 660 now.

But with the obtained [Hero Feathers] I merged up Tailtiu to +6 and...

Poggers

I'm happy to have finished merging Sophia at long last which makes of her my eleventh fully merged project soon after New Year Eir, her build is pretty much done but I'd be delighted to give her more premium stuff she can use in the future and make more builds, as well as giving her the remaining [Dragonflowers (I)] but I'm so close to fully boost Sonya and then I have to boost OG and Legendary Julia because of the post-[CYL 2021] update. 🥴

But her current build does wonders already, true, she's not impervious to nearly everything as it is, but I can give her some team support and the like, she's still great on her own.

Now, onto appreciation talk which includes describing her a little and explaining why I like her. I did this in one of my previous posts but it's time to review the info we have about her and expand on it. As always, feel free to read on (long read ahead)...

About Sophia

She's a half-dragon, half-human girl with the power of foresight, she's a priestess residing in Arcadia, a village that houses manaketes that survived one of the most vicious wars from past lore (The Scouring) located in the southwestern desertic region (Nabata) in Elibe, the continent on which the sixth and seventh Fire Emblem games take place in, she's a playable [Shaman] in the former and makes a minor appearance as a NPC near the end of the latter. Her class makes of her one of the two playable dark magic users in Fire Emblem: Sword of Seals (the other is the guy you're most likely to get while pulling on red stones in FEH, a.k.a. Raigh), and she gains access to basic staves after promoting to [Druid].

In her support convo with Niime, it's revealed that Sophia's father was human, meaning that her mother was a dragon, but neither's identity is ever known to the player. But despite this, she never transforms into a dragon, most likely because she never had her own stone to contain those powers. Being half-dragon also allows her to live much longer, but not as purebred manaketes/dragons.

She's fully self-aware of her heritage and doesn't let that bother her, she accepts both halves of herself which make of her a whole person.

She's somewhat important around the half of the game's duration as she helps a gravely injured Cecilia to at least tend to her wounds while waiting for Roy's army to rescue them as they were both thrown into a prison under Bern's control (the kingdom invading the other countries during the events of the game).

Sophia displays a shy and gentle personality, showing clear astonishmnet yet in a calm way when witnessing what the outside world is like and what it has to offer (beyond the village she's been living for around a century), this is most evidenced in her support dialogues with Igrene. She even feels similarly when wearing a new set of clothes, such as those of Embla in the World of Zenith, anytime after she joins the Order of Heroes.

«As long as I am with you... I can go anywhere...even a new country...»

― Sophia

She also mentions she was raised to avoid outsiders, and in the same aforementioned support convo, it's mentioned why.

«I understand what he's saying... The Dragons' powers could easily destroy entire countries. If the outsiders found out, they would surely fight over it. I've seen many conflicts like that in my life...»

― Igrene

And it's understandable why she feels that way after being raised by the elder of the village to do as told for decades. But in the end, she wants to work towards a world of peace where both dragons and humans live together without a war ever spreading out, and befriend other people, she's appreciative of other's kindness.

So... why do I like her?

Because she's purple-haired and most of her design has purple and I love purple soooooo much, that's all you need to know. :)

...Kidding kidding, that's not actually it, but it's in part true that I find her aesthetic pleasing, partially due to my passion for this color:

(Official artwork from FE6)

Her design is rather simple but so charming, clearly evidencing her shyness (see the way she holds her book and her facial expression), and feeling clean without going overboard on details.

Also, I find long, purple hair a rather rare yet dazzling sight, I always look at it in her artwork and remins me why I love her design.

True, her neck in Zaza's take on Sophia in Fire Emblem Heroes bothered me a little, mostly because her neck is a little long as seen above, but not as slim as long as Zaza has drawn her (it's still a decent artwork and the artist has made some really nice pieces later, look at Emmeryn), the style also felt a little off to me. But her Resplendent upgrade made Sophia look more cute and still being the one we know, doning a brand new attire.

(❶ Original by Zaza. | ❷ Resplendent by Miwabe Sakura)

But for me, it's pointless to be pretty if there's not a likeable personality behind the character in question, and Sophia has been proven to be really interesting, often a mysterious but shy girl, she's capable of kindness and finding comfort with outsiders like Kiran or Roy, when I see her, I always feel that she's so nice, never feeling bitterness towards any of her allies, just being shy due to how she's grown, but with a desire for friendship and peace pushing her forward, even slowly but surely, she's so lovely. 🥰

What's more, some of her quotes show she has a protective side, determined to stand up to help her allies but specially those she's close with, this eventually includes Kiran themselves.

Her voice in Fire Emblem Heroes is also really soothing, Wendee Lee has made such a delightful work giving new life to Sophia through her voice acting, there sure are differences between her work back in 2017 (Sophia is a launch unit, meaning she's been around ever since the game was live) and the work on the Resplendent in 2020, yet both are pretty consistent and equally pleasant to hear. But if I have to vouch for one or another, I give a point to the Resplendent voice acting, her voice can be heard with a little more depth and calmness to it than the original, which feels more natural.

And she's a dark magic practitioner but that doesn't make her evil at all, she's really pure actually. But I actually find dark magic most appealing out of any kind of weapon I have ever seen, the whole concept is cool, being always creepy and nefarious in nature, often portrayed in hues of black and dark purple.

And like, c'mon, this thing is amazing:

I wish that [Apocalypse] was her PRF weapon in Fire Emblem Heroes but neither Raigh nor Bramimond who's its OG owner got it and just got random PRFs instead.

Anyway, in short, I adore Sophia and it always makes me happy to turn a seemingly weak unit into a tough to crack cookie, love for favorites sure can take them far.

"And... as a unit?"

I've been trying her mainly against the foes she has advantage with, but I've been also trying her against red/blue units and sometimes she does a nice job holding them at bay, she has low speed even after all this investment but with buffing it's somewhat usable.

Yet I prefer to focus on her strengths, not weaknesses, and she stands as a fairly good magic tank, with the few extras she enjoys as a launch unit and full demote plus Resplendent skin since around the first weeks of the [Feh Pass].

I actually tried her here some time after posting this because I didn't notice the [Limited Hero Battle] for today requires you use FE6 units, so I went with my faves in the game and it was rather easy. 🙂 But it still took a little thinking.

"Who's the next +10 you have in mind?"

Hmm... actually gonna (at least try to) work on Lilina, another one of my Elibian favorites. I also have her Resplendent upgrade and could revamp her kit. 🤔

But she's currently +3 so her turn might take longer or someone's else may come before, Idk.

And then, hopefully someone I like out of the next potential Resplendent Heroes...!

#feh #fe heroes #fire emblem heroes #fire emblem #fire emblem sword of seals #fire emblem the binding blade #fe sophia #af1899-updates

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jaz-wegott · 5 years ago

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Caretaker

A/N: 18+. Uhhh leave feedback if you like it? Idk...sometimes I write to get ideas outta my head.

Bucky’s eyes landed back on her without much thought as she fussed around her pristinely decorated living room. She flitted from guest to guest, inquiring if they needed anything, offering to refill any glass that seemed lacking the proper libations. Once she saw that everyone was situated for the moment, she swiftly made her way back to the kitchen, giving Bucky the opportunity to steal a priceless moment of time where it was just her and him-- how he preferred his every moment, if he were to be honest.

“You know, you are allowed to actually enjoy the party even if you’re the host, Sweets.” Bucky playfully chided, using the nickname that always caused her cheeks to warm. Setting out more snacks on a platter, she turned toward Bucky with a roll of her eyes and her smile that could bring any man to his knees-- Especially Bucky.

“I’ll have you know, I quite enjoy throwing a good party, especially when it’s to welcome home some awesome Avengers from saving the world.” she sassed in the sweetest way. Her sass didn’t last long as she found herself asking “Are you enjoying yourself, Bucky?”

The question, like everything else that she did, was asked with concern. Her warm, honey brown eyes searched Bucky’s face, looking for any need that he might have. Though it was in her nature to nurture anyone she interacted with, it was magnified with Bucky. She’d give anything to see him satisfied--in every sense of the word.

“Always enjoy time with you.” was Bucky’s honest reply. And it was one of the truest statements Bucky had ever uttered. The entire three month mission, Bucky had found himself consumed with thoughts of her. Her laugh, her smile, her witty sense of humor, all of it. He had longed to know even the most minute details of her day, had she been eating properly, sleeping well? Did she need anything? The most difficult part of the mission for Bucky had been the constant not knowing of her wellbeing. That combined with the fact that he had no logical reason to spend so much time with her on his mind had drove him to edge of insanity. Sam had complained time and again of how insufferable Bucky had been on this particular mission.

The comment had caused her cheeks to fill with heat and that familiar feeling of butterflies taking flight hit her belly. Before her heart could leap its way out of her chest and into very dangerous territory, she set to washing the mountain of dishes that had accumulated in her kitchen sink. Without prompting, Bucky was at her side with a towel to dry the dishes once they’d been cleansed. Seeing the once-assassin, now hero in such a domestic aspect would have struck her as funny, if she didn’t find it so incredibly hot.

Having been deprived of his presence for three whole months had taken a surprising toll on her. Ever since meeting Bucky, through her cousin Sam, she’d been completely smitten despite the knowledge that he was way out of her league. She’d reminded herself plenty of times over that not only was he a crime fighting, world saving Avenger, he was from a time where her deep complexion was not often seen as a thing of beauty. That did nothing to quell the fire he had started in her heart.

However, this most recent mission had only served to highlight just how far her feelings for Bucky had gone. She found herself spending nights sleepless, unable to find comfort without having heard his calm yet commanding voice throughout the day. Bucky had a way of making her feel seen and appreciated and with him gone, she had found herself feeling almost invisible and incredibly lonely. The amount of tears she’d shed was alarmingly embarrassing.

“How was the mission?” she asked softly, her gentle voice washed through the comfortable silence that had rested between the pair as they worked. Again, genuine interested enveloped her question. Though she only knew part of Bucky’s ordeal with Hydra and his past as an unwilling assassin, she knew the toll these missions could take on him. She’d seen it with her own eyes, the visible stress it put him under. If it were up to her, she’d make it her business to personally relieve the stress from his mind and body, any way that she could.

“Successful.” Bucky always kept his questions short when talking about his line of work with her. Not because he didn’t trust her with the information, but because he knew that she wouldn’t simply listen. She’d take on the stress and anxiety that he dealt with and make it her own. Her empathy ran so deep that she couldn’t help but to take others problems on as her very own. Bucky knew her well enough to know that she’d spend countless hours trying to find solutions and comfort for those she loved. Bucky refused to be another worry in that pretty little mind of hers. In fact, he’d much prefer to free her mind of every worry. Her body too, if he was being upfront.

Unsatisfied with his answer, she cast a sidelong glance his way. Again, her eyes silently searched his body language for any signs that he was anything less than okay. Finding none too obvious, she relented and focused back on the task of washing dishes.

---

After the casual celebration had died down and the guests had trickled down, she lay across her couch, struggling to find the energy needed to clean up after the night’s festivities. Though it had been a successful, enjoyable affair, she was exhausted. Ever with a watchful eye which only seemed to intensify if she was the subject, Bucky took notice of the exhaustion that plagued her mahogany features. The crease between her perfectly crafted eyebrows that he knew she’d spent too much time designing. The way her eyelids lingered close after every blink, like it was a battle to even keep them open. Her breathing slowed, Bucky’s enhanced hearing able to detect the exact moment she slipped into her most vulnerable state, clearly oblivious to Bucky’s presence.

A few more moments were spent with Bucky admiring her as she drifted off. His mind toiled to commit every curve and every bit of her to memory. It was almost like he was storing it up for the next moment he was forced to be without her for a period of time. Though he could never quite get enough of her, he forced himself away, going to do what he knew she’d never let him do if she’d been awake--take care of her.

Bucky moved swiftly, taking as much care to put her living space back to the way he knew she approved of. Meticulous was an understatement when describing how she kept her surroundings, one of the things that drew Bucky to her. Once, everything had been set back how it should be, Bucky knelt before her sleeping frame. Without thinking, Bucky’s flesh hand swept some of her curls back, his thumb lingering over the plump skin of her cheek. In a sleepy, thoughtless haze her body reacted of its own accord at receiving the touch she’d craved for so long.

Nuzzling her cheek into his open palm, a low almost inaudible moan escaped her throat. Had his hearing not been enhanced, Bucky would not have heard it. But, he had. He had heard that sweet moan that he had spent nights dreaming about, that noise he longed to be the cause of. Hearing it in real life, poured gasoline on the fire that already bloomed in his heart. With the fire ranging through him, Bucky realized he could not bear to live another moment without her rightfully claimed as his own. It was time for him to abandon caution, neglect the thousands of reasons he memorized of why he should not pursue anything beyond friendship with her.

“Sweets...” Bucky murmured softly to further lull her from her peaceful state. Though he loved to see her so relaxed and at peace, he needed her attention. She stirred again, that same soft moan leaving her lips, this time accompanied by a delectable utterance of Bucky’s name. “Wake up for me, love.” Bucky pushed, his hand once again stroking the flesh of her cheek. In her half conscious mind, those pet names melted straight through her. She was defenseless against Bucky’s gentle assault-- his husky, soothing voice washing over her, his words dripping with care and comfort.

“Didn’t mean to fall asleep on ya, Buck.” she mumbled, as her eyes pried open instantly connecting with his intense gaze. As her wits slowly returned to her, she realized that they were staring at each other in a way that only occurred in her dreams. A look of anticipation, desire, and unspoken affections. It was everything she wanted, yet it frightened her. “Guess I should get to cleaning” she chuckled awkwardly, using the aftermath of the party as an excuse to kill the moment she would have died for.

“I took care of that for ya.” Bucky responded, not at all swayed by her avoidance. He was a man on a mission and his track record proved pretty successful when it came to missions. Surprised by his kindness and care, but also by the fact that she had managed to fall asleep so quickly and deeply that he’d cleaned her entire apartment without having disturbed her.

“Thank you, Bucky.” she sighed in relief, knowing that burden had been alleviated from her to-do list. With little distance between the pair as they continued such an intense, purposeful staring contest. At such a close distance, she could see just how perfectly he’d been crafted. She wondered if the super soldier serum had any effect on his physical features beyond the added muscles. His eyelashes were unfairly long and luscious, his lips perfectly moist and soft, begging to be kissed. Try as she may, there was no fault to be found in this man. Having him so near, took down every defense she had, leaving her as mere putty in his hands.

“Let me take care of you.” Bucky finally found his voice and courage, blurting the words suddenly. Those words were long overdue in Bucky’s mind. They’d been there since the day he’d met her and was met with an overwhelming urge to satisfy her every need and desire. It was like he’d finally found his purpose after over a hundred years on this Earth, he’d found what he’d been created for. Her. Ever since Steve had chosen to go back and live the life he’d deserved, Bucky had struggled to find his place in the world. He’d found something of the sorts with Sam, but it wasn’t until she’d come along the he realized what was missing.

“You already do, Buck.”she giggled quietly, nervously. She was almost afraid to speak, worried she might say or do the wrong thing. Worried that she’d ruin this moment that she prayed would never end. But, it was the truth. Bucky took care of her, giving back all the love and attention she’d poured into others and hoped to receive back. She’d always come up short on the return from others, until Bucky had stepped in. Though he always kept a platonic distance, he gave her what she needed. What she had always hoped would find its way to her, the love and care she freely gave to everyone else.

“No, Sweets. I mean--I just see how you care for everyone else. You’re so giving and caring and kind to everybody. I see how you exhaust yourself taking care of everyone-- including me. But I just, I always wonder who takes care of you? Can I be the one to take care of you?” Bucky rushed to explain, his nerves slowly creeping in. What if she had no interest in an ancient, slightly unstable ex-assassin? What if he had waited too late to make a move and someone else had taken her affections in the last three months?

Just as doubt began to consume him, her soft hand wrapped around his metal one--her favorite one. Her fingers laced with his, reveling in the coolness of the metal. “I still don’t know what you mean.” she uttered quietly, her lips turning upwards into the most innocent, inquisitive smile. That little smirk was enough to push Bucky to the edge of his restraint, finding himself at a loss for words to explain how he felt at the moment. There was only way left him for to convey what desperately needed to be said.

Placing both hands gently on either side of her face, securing in his embrace, Bucky leaned in slowly, visually checking for any signs of resistance from her. Finding none, he let his lips land smoothly against hers. Hesitation greeted the initial contact before desire took command of the situation. Slowly, still slightly apprehensive, their lips explored one another’s. Easily, Bucky took the lead, allowing her to naturally take the position she was most comfortable in.

Bucky’s lips began a sensual descent down her body, parking at the junction of her neck, a spot she never knew needed attention until his tongue swirled over it in a way that caused her to cry out. “Can I? Can I take care of you, Sweets? Lemme take real good care of you.” Bucky pleaded, desperate for her consent, but respectful enough that if he didn’t get it, he’d stop immediately. “Please, Bucky, I need you.” she whined desperately, just as frantically needy as he was.

Having gotten her green light, Bucky continued eagerly with the sole focus to bring her the pleasure she deserved. Bucky was intent on taking care of her, tonight would be just the beginning. Taking the cue from his first assault on her décolletage, Bucky picked back up there, anxious to hear those delicious noises of pleasure she’d let slip. He tested the waters with a teasing nip, loving the reaction he received. His name left her lips with a gasp, her hands taking purchase in his hair.

Bucky quickly switched their positions, taking a seat on the couch with her on his lap. His hands strayed to her ample backside, finding pleasure in the sensation of her tail filling both of his hands. While his hands caressed her through her jeans, his lips fueled a fire of need that consumed her entire being. It had been a while since she’d been touched this way and she was desperate for more-- for whatever Bucky was willing to give her. So much so that she found her hips moving of their own control, finding friction against Bucky’s thigh. Bucky, sensing the immense need she had wasted no time in removing her clothing, starting with her dress. Bucky whistled through his teeth, taking in the sacred sight before him. His girl dressed in a lacy set, only for his eyes. The soft peach color perfectly accentuating her skin tone as the bra cupped her full breasts. It was perfect. She was perfect.

Bucky’s assault continued, trailing further south as he stopped at her bosom, freeing her from the confines of the lacy number. Bucky took this as an opportunity to let his tongue wrap around the perky nipple on her left, his metal hand coming to play with the other. The cool sensation caused her to throw her head back, her hips bucking violently in chase of friction.

“I’ll take care of you baby, promise.” Bucky vowed, seeing the desperation in her actions, hearing the need as she breathed his name. It had been a while since she’d had that itch scratched, even by herself. She was afraid it wouldn’t take much before she hit her peak, though she wanted this to last as long as possible. Desperate for his lips on hers, she took them again, freeing Bucky’s hands to remove her panties, leaving her fully nude before him.

“This is rather unfair.” she breathed against his lips, referencing the fact that Bucky remained fully clothed while she was vulnerable and bare before him. Had it been any other man, she might have felt exposed, but Bucky had promised to take care of her. Bucky had always taken good care of her.

“Well that’s because I’m taking care of you Sweets.” Bucky chuckled in a deep timber. As soon as the words left his mouth, he flipped their position, laying her down against the couch, her legs slung over his shoulder. His face was only a breath away from her aching, needy core. Again his enhanced capabilities gave him an advantage, as he inhaled deeply to appreciate the sweet smell emanating from her center. She was absolutely dripping for him, driving him insane.

His fingers, strangely gifted for a man of such a modest era, slowly circled her entrance, teasing. Already beyond wound up, she whimpered, her legs trembling around Bucky’s head. “Don’t tease, Buck. Been a while.” she panted perilously. Her desperation tempted Bucky to see just how far he could push her just to see how drastically she’d fall apart for him. But, his one goal for the night was to make her feel cared for. Nothing more, nothing less. The teasing would have to wait for another day, but it would surely come.

Without further hesitation, Bucky’s two fingers entered her swiftly. His mouth found home over her swollen pearl, his tongue lavishing over it sweetly as his fingers kept a steady rhythm. Moments into it, she was already a mess, toes curling, hands fisted into Bucky’s scalp. Her breathing labored, her heart beating rapidly and so loudly, Bucky didn’t need to strain to hear the blood pulsing through her veins.

“Please! Please! Close!” she begged frantically, no longer able to even form a complete thought. She couldn’t remember the last time such pleasure had taken over her this way, simply because it never had. No other lover had been able to take her to such an intense height. No other lover had ever taken such attention to her needs.

No longer even able to communicate except through obnoxiously loud moans and cries, she writhed under Bucky’s ministrations. The peak she fervently desired was so close she couldn't keep still nor quiet. Though unable to verbally clue Bucky in, he caught the hint. His actions matching the fervency of her cries and pleas. With a few more strokes of his fingers, she fell apart--harder than either knew was possible. So hard that her breathing became choppy, her eyes screwed tightly shut, her entire body going rigid as Bucky worked her through it.

As she came down, his fingers stalled as he took his mouth from over her now sensitive button. Instead, his lips kissed the skin of her inner thigh. His fingers remained within her, still feeling the aftermath of her orgasm as her walls fluttered around them. Completely blissed out beyond belief, she attempted to gather herself, knowing that it was customary to return the favor.

“Need a minute.” she breathed, taking every bit of concentration in order to form a coherent sentence. “Then it’s your turn.” she whimpered just as his thumb began stroking over her clit, which was still sensitive.

“No, love I believe tonight, it’s all your turn.” Bucky responded before diving in, intent on doing nothing but taking care of his girl.

#Bucky barnes #bucky barnes and reader #mcu #marvel fic

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galaxae · 4 years ago

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3, 7 and 18 for as many as you can answer; btw do you still have an ocs page? like with introductions and all that

wow this took forever oops!

tysm for the ask!! i’ve been meaning to make a carrd or something with oc intros, but i have so goddamn many ocs and so little time now that i’m in college and all that. and i have the code saved from my old pages before i remade, but those are kind of outdated and incomplete

that being said i’m probably gonna end up making that carrd regardless of how busy i am cause special interest indulgence and all that, so i’ll post about it when i do

anyway! i’m putting the actual oc answers under a readmore because i’m gonna try to do all the ocs i listed and it’ll be kinda long lol

3. What does your oc’s voice sound like? (Or, if you have one, what’s their voiceclaim?) Can they sing, whistle, or roll their rs? Do they have any speech impediments or notable dialects/accents?

how does one even describe voices... ok here goes

avani: she’s my character for a ttrpg campaign, so her voice sounds basically like mine (which might not help much cause you don’t know how i talk lol), but when i’m talking as her i pitch my voice up a bit and make it a bit more nasally. she’s not much of a singer, nor can she whistle, but she can roll her r’s pretty well. also, since she’s autistic and hard of hearing, her tone of voice often comes off the "wrong” way

farhan: he’s another ttrpg character i play lol, or at least he will be next semester, so his voice is again kind of like mine. but when i talk as him i pitch my voice down and it’s a bit hoarse. ig his voice would also be more “masculine” than mine but whatever. he can sing and whistle but has a pretty small vocal range (since he’s, like, 13 right now and will be 16 when i rp him next semester)

carter: i imagine his voice as low and on the quiet and raspy end, with a tiny bit of a lisp. he’s way too insecure to try to sing or even whistle or anything like that, though if he practiced at it he’d probably get pretty good

calira: she’s mute so n/a i guess. but she talks pretty formally in her dialect of elvish sign language, which is definitely unusual

sam: they have kind of a low voice that’s also raspy, but with quite a bit of pep and variation in their tone. they can even sing pretty well and they like to whistle constantly while working. that creates some kind of whiplash cause sam comes off as a typical edgy teen a lot of the time

jizoriel: high-pitched with lots of voice cracks, peak pretentious preteen/early teen jerkass. he can’t really sing or do anything similar, nor does he want to very much

victoria: so quiet and raspy that you can barely make out that it’s low and has a soothing and pleasant tone to it. she can sing well, or at least she could once upon a time

rowan: just! the happiest and most cheerful voice you can imagine! so much love behind how she talks! her voice fills up her whole head and the whole room!! and she whistles sometimes while she walks

ace: defies any masculine or feminine labels, smooth and cool in theory but they stutter quite a bit

charity: gruff but with a hint of cheer and clarity behind it that comes out when she’s startled. she loves to sing but can’t whistle and can’t roll her r’s either

jamal: i actually have a voiceclaim for him! it’s this (the voice that sings from 1:51 to 1:58)

kimberly: her voice is a bit high and a bit... idk how to say it exactly... i guess shrill would be the word?

fabián: his voice seems higher-pitched than it actually is cause he talks higher when he’s anxious, and he’s always anxious. it’s a bit hard to describe his voice otherwise tbh. i can hear it in my head but i can’t quite put it to paper oops. oh yeah also he has a great singing voice but never uses it sooo

7. What song reminds you of this oc? Does this match up with the type of music your oc likes to listen to?

this question opens up a wormhole cause i have playlists for many of these guys but instead i’ll just provide one (1) song for each and vaguely describe their music taste, how does that sound

avani: honestly “mr. capgras encounters a secondhand vanity” by will wood is a “her” song to me. her music taste leans a lot more toward older music though (like some classics from the 70s and 80s and such)

farhan: he’s still very new so i haven’t really found a song for him yet. but i know he absolutely loves peppy and energetic pop music and also sappy gay love songs

carter: (slaps my hand away when i try to type another will wood song) “fantasy island” by the shins always launches me into daydreams about him. which kinda roughly aligns with his music taste, he listens to a lot of those “mainstream indie” artists. he’d also listen to will wood because he’s gay and mentally ill <3

calira: one of my favorite songs on her playlist is “maximillian von spee” by dirt poor robins. but the music she listens to is basically all invigorating church-loving stuff with medieval-era instruments lmao

sam: “sometimes” by nick lutsko is an absolute bop and very much a sam song. sam actually doesn’t go out of their way to listen to music though, but when they do they listen to either the most soothing and relaxing stuff or to the angriest metal emo music. no in between

jizoriel: i’ll go the less emo angle here and say a song that reminds me of him is “upside down” by jack johnson. jizoriel’s music taste is like. old choir music and shit plus incomprehensible magical music that doesn’t even sound like music. if he was from earth he’d like my chemical romance

victoria and rowan: i’m grouping these two together here because a song that reminds me very strongly of both of them/their relationship is “human” by dodie. which actually fits very well into both of their music tastes!

ace: again, going the less edgy angle here, “auntie earth” by walter mitty and his makeshift orchestra. but ace mostly listens to uh, classical flute music and flute covers

charity: absolutely “dance and cry” by mother mother, that’s pretty much her theme song. it’s among her favorite songs in canon too

jamal: “tire swing” by los elk, since his arc is about letting go of childhood and all that jazz. he’s more inclined to listen to fun. and other pop artists and rappers and such. he likes janelle monae

kimberly: “best tears” by the happy fits for sure. in terms of her music taste though, her taste is pretty similar to jamal’s. they bond over being janelle monae fans

fabián: by god does “heal” by so much light fit him. his taste is that he rotates through three (3) specific obscure indie artists lmao, so theoretically i guess that specific song is included in there

18. How does your oc see themself? How does this compare to the way other ocs see them?

i am gonna do my best to keep these short cause this is a loaded question for all of them hoo boy

avani: how she sees herself: honestly the worst person alive. unless she spends every moment of her time trying to make up for what she’s done, she’s worthless, and she doesn’t deserve to love herself in any capacity how others see her: her brother (farhan) really looks up to her! most of the time. the superhero team she’s on (other people’s ocs) all think she’s generally smart and capable enough, and her boyfriend in particular thinks she’s incredible

farhan: how he sees himself: as of right now? a misunderstood emo middle schooler who’s still kind of cool i guess how others see him: his sister (avani) thinks he’s quite an impressive and charismatic young man

carter: how he sees himself: 1/10 awkward and annoying how others see him: carter reminds calira too much of her old self, so she love-hates him. sam thinks he’s weak and cowardly but admires his kindness. and jizoriel clings to him as a caring father figure and loves carter’s passion for natural studies

calira: how she sees herself: it goes back and forth between “i’m the greatest chosen one ever im such a strong warrior” and “wow i’m literal trash why did the gods pick me for this” how others see her: carter is a bit intimidated by her but appreciates her attempts to vibe with him, sam thinks she’s an annoying pretentious self-important bitch (but their opinion softens over time), and jizoriel sees right through her facade and feels comfortable around her because of it

sam: how they see themself: evil and in need of redemption, kind of similar to avani ig but with 10x more confidence in their skills and also much more violent how others see them: carter knows theyre doing their best even if theyre kind of an asshole, calira is a fan of their strength and determination, and jizoriel Hates Their Guts (at first) because they baby him too much

jizoriel: how he sees himself: a fucking fraud of a prince. all he has going for him is his abilities as a mage, but even then those are shaky how others see him: carter knows he’s very insecure and wants to comfort him, calira admires his magical prowess and noble air, and sam thinks he’s a snarky little pretentious douchebag but also he reminds them of their late brother and they want to protect him at all costs

victoria: how she sees herself: basically dead. only good for interacting with ghosts. not worthy of the human world or of friendship how others see her: she reminds rowan of her old self. rowan sees a glimmer of love and hope in her and wants to bring it out

rowan: how she sees herself: a fucking mess but she’s trying her best and that’s what counts! how others see her: victoria very much appreciates her cheerful air even if she doesn’t act like it

ace: how they see themself: way too weird to be human, way too weak not to be. their self-image changes constantly. theyre very confused about everything please help how others see them: charity is literally dating them lol she thinks theyre the cutest person alive, jamal appreciates how hard they try as a friend, kimberly thinks theyre an alien invader whom she can study and use to get further in life, and fabián knows more about ace than anyone else and loves them for it

charity: how she sees herself: a Teenager who’s struggling. she desperately wants to be young without the burden of her trauma but whether she thinks of herself as emo and sad and angry or not depends a lot on her mood how others see her: ace adores everything about her, jamal loves how cool and fun and sociable she can be, kimberly is annoyed with her rebelliousness, and fabián worries very much for her well-being and can’t shake the image of her as helpless (oops that’s gonna cause some drama)

jamal: how he sees himself: just a chill guy trying to get by. unremarkable. how others see him: ace is grateful for how forgiving he can be but is still terrified of him being angry over [spoilers], charity loves how sociable and fun he is and how protective he can be of his friends, kimberly secretly envies his carefree nature, and fabián sees him as a solid acquaintance to whom he did not give a good first impression

kimberly: how she sees herself: not good! if she can’t grow up fast and do science well then she’s useless how others see her: ace wants to be friends with her but doesn’t know how to do that, charity is annoyed by her rule-bound-ness, jamal thinks she’s cool but should unwind a little, and fabián resents her at first but would still like to play chess with her sometime

fabián: how he sees himself: he has a moral responsibility to help people Or Else. way too anxious and stuck up but he doesn’t know how to change that how others see him: ace fuckin Loves this guy, charity loves him too but she gets pissed when he tries to help her with anything, jamal genuinely thinks he’s a great guy and wants to get to know him better, and kimberly is actually impressed by him and envies his apparent confidence and charisma

ok ok that’s it i promise. sorry this is so long and tysm for reading if you made it this far!! feel free to ask more oc questions literally whenever, that goes for anyone reading this <3

#pey talks #ocs tag #this was so fun to write thank you for asking ;-;#ace #avani #calira #carter #charity #fabián #farhan #jamal #jizoriel #kimberly #sam

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zeravmeta · 5 years ago

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Give me your absolute best YGO x Fate headcanons

Ah gee since ya asked so nicely heres my convoluted crossover AU. Also this got hella long so I'll add a readmore

-the protags would all wind up at Chaldea due to being summoned by the godly powers within their own universes (Egyptian Gods, Crimson Dragon, etc.) and are tasked with helping them. Yugi is pre Ceremonial Duel (for Atem), the rest are from post series

-Gudas just so used to all the weirdness surrounding them so they take it in stride. Holmes on the other hand is losing it because he fears they may have been some type of dimensional collapse. He freaks out further when some of the kids say "oh yeah that happens all the time". Da Vinci sets them up to assist Guda since they can use magic (at least half of them use magic and the other half literally fuse with duel monsters) without needing magic circuits (which interests her GREATLY) so she introduces them as a set of new masters to help.

-their decks are still with them but now instead of being confined to the game they can actually summon them as Familiars/Phantasmals, though they can only support a few at a time.

-most, if not all servants are suspicious of these new masters (guda is my favorite master i dont need another one), but its only initial waryness since these are actual kids like Guda and they default to Parent Mode. Theyre even more surprised to learn about the exploits within their own worlds.

Now onto some of the dynamics:

-Yugi would just be happy to meet all these heroes from history. He understands the seriousness of the situation and despite his initial kickback he'd be onboard to help. Atem would take this opportunity to ask around to see if any of these ancient heroes would know him (since pre ceremonial duel he'd know who he is from Mem World). The Pharaohs (Ozy, Nito, Cleo) would be surprised about a Pharoah they've never met before, and especially his divinity since he could summon three Egyptian Gods to aid him. He was from 3000 years in the past so Egypt was beginning in its decline, so such a modern (relatively) Pharoah holding such power would shock them, though in the end Ozymandias would still declare him one of his friends and theyd get along. Yugi would leave the Puzzle with the Pharoahs so they could speak while he went around meeting a bunch of the heroes. He'd love to play with some of the kids though he has earned his fair share of ire since the King of Games never loses on Game Night, Poker Night, or any other type of games. Yugi has more supportive abilities in his skillset for the ourposes of battle, while Atem can more freely use his shadow magic since he's being supplied.

-Judai is more nonplussed than anything. He was already wandering the world so for him this is just another checkpoint. He finds the ability to summon his monsters as familiars more convebiant than anything since he could already speak to them. Many of the magic users are particularly interested in his ability to talk to spirits since its a rare ability in general and usually limited to one type of phantasmal, not to mention empathetic abilities on their own are somewhat unheard of in Nasuverse. Yubel is a protective force around him and for combat training scenarios shes extremely hard to get around since her deflection ability, while hard to maintain when Yubel uses her final form, is pretty much on par with Lord Camelot in terms of defense. He's generally friendly but comes off as rude sometimes due to his general nonchalance. Gets along especially well with some of the more volatile servants like Berserkers and Avengers since his empathetic abilities are soothing to them.

-Yusei is cautious and guarded here. He has responsibilities in his own world he'd want to get back too, but doesn't have it in him to just leave. His D-Wheel somehow came along (Yuya shivers in the distance) with him, so Da Vinci did the only reasonable thing upon seeing a miniature perpetual motion machine and tried to impound it immediately for study. Yusei was happy to share his info and skills on Momentum and implementing it into Chaldeas energy systems, something that had Tesla and Edison proud since one so young was already (but only barely) supassing AC and DC. Holmes was also extremely interested in Clear Mind and the Crimson Dragin, since Yusei managed to consolidate his own concentration into pure evolutionary energy and may have accidentally interacted with an elder god in the process (kinda like Holmes). Yusei assures him the Crimson Dragon isn't evil and that its called Quetzalcoatl, which has Fate Quetz coming in and asking about herself, further complicating Yusei's confusion on the Crimson Dragon. For combat, he starts off supportive by swarming his field with low power monsters before suddenly summoning a more powerful one. With Over Top Clear Mind they become even more powerful and evolve on their own, so Stardust can become Shooting, but summoning Quasar is very dangerous since its extremely powerful but taxxing.

-Yuma is absolutely excited. Astral not so much. "Astral these are literal HEROES how can you not be excited!?" "Idk probably the part where they'll kill us if we take a wrong step?". Yuma loves to hang around servants like Drake, Shiki and Beowulf, and loves swapping stories of their adventures. Abigail heard about aliens and wonders if Yog Soghoth is an alien, but Yuma tells her that the Astrals and Barians are not like Yog Soggoth, even if Don Thousand as described kinda sounds like him. Astral can be seen since since Heroic Spirits are consolidations of magic while Astral was basically an energy being of the same type, and does float through the halls, occasionally scaring someone by mistake. He does get along with a mysterious woman in a kimono who seems to appear in the twilight hours, but he cant ever really remember her face. In combat Astral and Yuma can do their usual combination form which causes their Numbers to automatically Rank Up upon summoning, the higher the form the further they can rank.

-Yuya has it a bit rough at first. He just got out of a war and now he was being dragged into another? Thankfully he gets his bearings quickly but is still somewhat shaken. Some of the servants are wary around him because they can feel the distortion that exists within his soul, his three other versions, and the power that could trun him into the Supreme King once again still exists there even if Zarc has passed on. He gets along with Siegfried well enough, and they swap stories about how the expectations of others can lead you to ruin. The Alter Egos feel a kinship to him since he's also a consolidated personality rather than a full person, though he gets along best with the Celts. Cu, Scathach and Fergus all love to see his performances, but to them that just meant that they can put him through warrior training especially after they hear about the war he went through. Scathach insists that him running for his life while she chases is good training, while Cu agrees while running alongside him. In battle he uses his acrobatic prowess enhanced with a little bit of fortification/protection magic, and can summon all four of his dragons to help him. Since the other Yu Boys are stuck within Yuya, they occasionally trade places:

Yuto gets along with Archer and occasionally helps him out. Archer is sympathetic to the struggles he unerwent in his own world and makes sure to keep his spirits up while also trying to ignore the irony.Yugo and David have struck up a strange friendship since they both have the issue of mistaking people for their so. David sees Yugo talk about how even if his life was hard it was worth it for the people he loved and remembers his son fondly.Yuri is generally avoided since even after the merge he's still something of a wildcard, but he gets along well with Hans and Kiara of all people. Sometimes he'd share the stories of the training he underwent in Academia, how the Professor trained him to see people as toys and all the people he's hurt, how his dragon was his only friend and how itd protect him, and Hans couldn't help but hate his pessimistic attitude in expecting this while Kiara wouldn't really care too much but also wouldn't insult him by offering condolences. He knows he's become a monster and he won't deny or forget his mistakes, he'll simply try to do better.

-[note: Vrains suddenly had its ending announced for Sept.25 (i believe it may have been cancelled) so based on the episode title of 120 Yusaku and Ai will reunite and thats what im following here] Yusaku is skittish at best, downright invisible at worst. He doesn't want to be found, and even some of the Assassin Class servants have trouble tracking him down when needed. Ai managed to bring along a spare SOLtis body with him so he can walk around and physically interact with Yusaku. Even if they still had some tension between them they still cared about each other so they would keep each other company. It got real awkward when BB first showed up talking about being a sentient AI, so Ai immediatelt tried to befriend her, only to learn about her inhuman nature. While Ai may dislike that aspect of her, he knows from what happened with Roboppy that you cant forcibly change what you are, so he does his best to try and get along, which infuriates BB to no end since she feels like she's being talked down to. Yusaku as a programmer helps with most of Chaldeas regular workforce and he accomplishes hiding in plain sight by being the only master to interact more with the regular work staff than their servants. That being said, it doesn't change how some like Tamamo or Suzuka try to drag him out so he can meet some of the other servants. He gets along well with Kerry. Likely because they barely speak and share E Rank Luck.

#zerav responds #whoA this got long #sorry #idk how to add readmores on mobile so i may edit later #fgo #fate grand order #yugioh

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theday · 7 years ago

Note

ALL

i did the wrong set of questions ... so we’re getting the ones i reblogged to my main blog lmao

the outdoors

overcast: do you think you’re an overachiever? what do you your friends think?

oh no not at all i cant be bothered to put in effort although i do love being Great

clouds: is there anything someone has ever said to instantly make you sad?

“i dont understand” like... this doesnt make me sad really it just makes me feel stupid bc when im trying 2 explain smth and they say this i feel like i failed as a person trying 2 help rip

gray skies: what calms you down?

sleeping helps and just distracting myself with other things

thunderstorm: how do you prefer to resolve tension in your life?

tension between me and someone else?? i just confront/talk to them which usually ends up badly b4 i dont think before i act and i end up saying dumb shit

wind chill: what makes you feel cold inside?

hm. ......... ... .. finding out i mean less to someone than i originally thought if that makes sense???

droplets: to you, is physical closeness more or less important than frequent communication?

tbh.. physical closeness is very important.. i talk to this person through message more than i talk to them irl so whenever we see each other irl its super awkward???? though its not exactly the case so communication is important too i guess???

puddle: what is your emotional outlet? why?

venting!!!! bc its easy and i have a lot of thoughts so typing it all out is soothing

morning fog: do you prefer waking up early or sleeping in?

uhvhhdslkskkl i love waking up early but sometimes i kinda just . lay in bed and hug my thing that i hug to bed and ??think abt soft shit like cuddling someone idk its bad but NICE so i do end up sleeping in?? except im wide awake idk

mist:

me seeing all the mx shit

drizzle: what is something you would like to know more about / explore?

personally id like to explore the streets of sg more/?? i always travel by train/bus/car so i never walk outside a lot and i kind of want to/??? with a friend???? just explore and walk arnd and take pics u kno

the indoors

fairy lights: what makes your eyes light up?

seeing my special ppl friends included

coffee shop: where is your favorite place to be?

home

windowpane: what music do you listen to the most?

lately its been kpop ever since i got into day6

teabag: do you prefer tea or coffee? how do you take it?

tea!!! with 2 packets of sugar always

candlelight: what is your favorite scent? why?

THE SMELL OF FRESHLY CLEANED LAUNDRY!!!!!! and lavender

throw pillows: what is your favorite type of relationship? do you have one like that?

friendship ..?????????????

cozy: have you ever been in love? describe the feeling.

i wont count my universe tm so no

bustle: do you enjoy being busy? why or why not?

depends on what im busy with??? if its sch work/exams then no!!!! but busy doing things that i like??? ya i love it but im always 2 lazy rip

succulents: do you like taking care of things, people, and animals? which one do you enjoy the most/least? why?

ive never taken care of anyone in my entire life before and i was p irresponsible when i had hamsters so ....... .. taking care of things is the best???????? its easy???????? and i always remember to be careful with my laptop, etc.

chatter: what are your favorite things to talk about? with whom? why?

my favourite things to talk about are the things that i like with friends who like that thing as much as i do and bc i can feel the BOND between two fans and shit????? its like????? i can relate??????? i agree???? me too????? idk

your body

baggy sweater: what keeps you warm?

blankets. ... the sun/..

daze: do you meditate? why or why not?

no i cant just sit there and do nothing

damp: do you cry often? what makes you cry?

i really dont lmao do geminis cry a lot or smth (falen and jen)

bc i cry so rarely its gotta be actual emotional shit??? stuff that i can relate to?? for e.g not having a friend write a proper birthday message (this is too specific but its more like.... having a friend who doesnt actually care that much) or idk its mostly always bc of friendships bc im weak

umbrella: what makes you feel safe?

i used to be rly paranoid and would make sure the doors are locked and shit but now i dont care as much? some guy could break in and id probably thank him

gleam: what makes you feel the best about yourself?

bell and boxy laughing at the nonsense i say

yawn: who takes care of you when you’re sick? who do you take care of when they’re sick?

my mother when i was younger??? but she’d always get so mad about it so i dont tell her anymore i just take care of myself by resting and shit

i dont take care of anyone

hum: besides music, what is your favorite sound?

silence..??? unless im home alone then no thanks lads

oh shit boys the sounds you hear when ur underwater are actually nice??? i love it

brush: do you enjoy having your hair played with? what about massages?

no to both but ill gladly play with other peoples hair

fuzzy socks: do you prefer warm or cold weather? why?

cold bc its always hot here

gloves: do you like working with your hands? why/how?

mmmmm yes?? personally im a very “itchy” person so ill always have to be fiddling with smth??? idk why tbh and my skirt and shirt??? have this thing??? idk how to describe it but i kind of like fold it?? and rub the pointy part against the inner part of where the nail ends??? god this is the worst and weirdest description ive ever had to write im signing off

thank you so much for asking this once again falen i love u :-o

#if u read all of this thank u and have a good day!!!#softshouyous #asks

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boystownbirdie · 7 years ago

Text

LMWTV4U: GOT S7E5

Welcome back! In case you’re new, this is “Let me watch TV 4 U,” the blog where I watch TV so you don’t have to. I’ll be recapping Game of Thrones, Season 7 Episode 5 and SPOILERS ABOUND SO PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

Tonight’s episode was titled “Eastwatch” but a more fitting title would have been “Don’t I know you from a few seasons ago?” If you’ve been following GoT for awhile, you might know that “unlikely alliances” is one of George R.R.R.R.R. Martin’s go-to-setups. He really gets off on taking 2 characters who are TOTAL OPPOSITES on paper and watching them learn to get along, just like the premise of all sitcoms. Well all of these unlikely pairs have been meeting, forming bonds, and saying goodbye for the past 7 seasons and NOW we’re apparently at the part where we have to watch them meet back up again. It kind of sounds like a kewl idea but idk about you, it just turns into a mess as a viewer because you have to remember how/when/where everyone met before. It’s like watching a livestream of a very tense high school reunion.

All that being said, some shit went DOWN tonight, so let’s go!

First of all, we get a new location on the map in the beginning, Eastwatch! If you’ll recall this is the place where Gingerbae (my fave wildling and #2 crush after Bae- Jon Snow) went to guard the wall at the behest of Bae a few eps ago.

Our first scene takes place right after last week’s epic dragon battle...

We learn that Jaime and Bronn are both still alive and we have to watch Jaime spit up seawater and I’m like who do you think you are, Euron Greyjoy?!? (lol that joke only works if you watched last season, sorry). Bronn is like dude, do you have a death wish? And Jaime is like kind of… cuz my sis Queen Pixie Cut (QPC) is a “shoot the messenger” type and now I have to tell her about all this dragon business.

Speaking of, we get some more hot-dragon-action (and I meant hot as in temp-wise, not sexual...yet...wait til Bae gets his fingers on a dragon). Tyrion is looking around at all the hell Khaleesi hath wrought and seems pretty sad about it. Remember he is a Lannister, so a lot of people who got burnt up were his home-bois.

He walks over to Khaleesi who has rounded up the surviving Lannisters and is looking FLY AS HELL post-battle scene. Seriously, who does her hair? Probs a Dothraki cuz #goodatbraids. Khaleesi tells all the captured soldiers to kneel before her and declare loyalty to her or get killed. Sams mean dad (SMD) and Sam’s Bro Dickon (SBD) refuse to kneel because they’re #tooproudtobeg and Khaleesi is like, srsly guys? But they are truly #tooproud, so they both get burned up by the dragon, per Khaleesi’s orders. All of this is very not cool with Tyrion and he makes that pretty clear.

Next, we pop over to King’s Landing where Jaime is about to drop some #truth on QPC…

He tells her things are not looking so hot (or are they looking VERY HOT? Get it? Cuz dragons...sorry I’ll stop now) and that the Dothrakis (Khaleesi’s horse people) and dragons will kill them all. QPC suggests they hire mercenaries but Jaime is not feeling it. Then Jaime drops truth bomb #2 and tells QPC that he recently got the scoop that Grandma Tyrell admitted to killing their son Joffrey. See QPC was CONVINCED that Tyrion killed Joffrey which is what eventually led T to flock to #teamkhaleesi. Jaime is maybe able to convince her of this fact and that they might have to surrender to Khaleesi. She’s basically like well, damned if you do, damned if you don’t, ya know? The theme of this scene is TROUBLE IN PARADISE.

Now to the Bae-on-dragon action I promised…

Bae is waiting at the arrivals gate for Khaleesi and #1 dragon like a sad little chauffeur when Mr. Dragon lands right on his toes. Rather than giving Mr. Dragon a wide berth, he walks right up to him and TOUCHES HIS NOSE like he’s friggin’ Moana (Moana fans where you at?) Mr. D is like about to bite at first but then he’s like, naw, you’re cool. Probably because Bae is secretly a Targaryen and they’re all about dragons. Bae asks Khaleesi about her business trip and she’s like I TCOB’ed if that’s what you mean and says “sometimes strength is terrible” but that as leaders, they have to be strong.

Khaleesi then starts to ask Bae about the knife-in-the-heart comment that No-Knuckles (NK) made a few weeks ago and before Bae has to uncomfortably describe his weird Lazarus-situation to her, Stoney shows up, fresh off being cured of his stone disease by none other than Bae’s bestie Sam. The artist formerly known as Stoney (but let’s just keep calling him Stoney for now) is like will you still have me, Khaleesi? And she’s like DOI, OF COORS. And Bae is like oh I knew your dad he was a kewl dude he gave me this sword.

We get a brief interlude with everyone’s fave sooth-sayer, Brandon Stark! He hops into the eyeballs of some birds who fly North to get an update on the ice-zombie-army. As we all suspected, the ice zombies are CLOSER THAN EVER and headed to Eastwatch. This should not be a surprise because every time we check on them they’re just walking further South and unlike humans do not need to stop to eat or pee or get their hair intricately braided.

We pop into Oldtown, where Sam hears about Bran’s report. He tells all the other Maesters that they should listen to him but they, as always, are like naw this shit can’t be real. Also Maester-Jim-Broadbent is like BTW, Sam’s dad and bro just got burnt up but don’t say anything to him.

Back to Dragonstone…

Where Tyrion and sleevey recap sam's dad and bro getting killed and agree that it was not cool, bro. Sleevey helpfully recalls a time when Khaleesi’s dad was always burning people alive. Sleevey reveals that Bae got a letter in the mail and yes, he did read it which is a FEDERAL OFFENSE, SLEEVEY! You can’t afford to go to prison!

Bae gets his hands on the letter from his bro Bran and learns A LOT. A. Bran is alive. B. Arya is alive. And C. The Night-King (leader of the ice zombies) is coming to Eastwatch. Again, this should be a surprise to no one. He talks things through with Khaleesi and co. to devise a plan and everyone has something to contribute, you guys! Here’s the plan

Tyrion will talk to his bro to try to convince him that ice zombies are real, who will then convince QPC.

NK will use his smugglin’ skills to smuggle T into King’s Landing (at this point it should really be Queen’s landing, right?)

Bae will head up north and capture an ice zombie to bring to everyone for proof. Stoney will use his battling skills to help with this.

Khaleesi is not about to let Bae go, though, probs cuz she wants more hot cave-action. But Bae is like sorry G2G!

Back in Winterfell and trouble is afoot!

Sansa is sitting at her in-charge-table and all the “Northern Lords” (although everyone’s fave 11-year-old-kween is nowhere to be seen) are still griping about Bae being down South with Khaleesi. Sansa doesn’t accept their offer to basically put her in charge, but she doesn’t defend Bae too much either. Arya, who was always besties with Bae when they were all kiddos, is not ok with that. She calls her out on it and notices that Sansa is staying in their mom and dad’s old room. She’s like ummm… you always liked nice things. Which is such a classic Winterfell-burn.

They chat and learn that they have very different views on uniting people and consolidating power. Arya is little more murder-y but Sansa is a little more scheme-y. Which better? IDK I haven’t read “The Art of War.” Basically, Arya knows that Sansa is still a bit power-hungry and calls her out on it. But I did read “Lean In” and I’m like, is that so bad?

Later, we pop back into King’s Landing where Arya is tailing Littlefinger cuz #shedontlikethelooksofthisguy, He’s being shady, as always, handing out poision, scheming with the Northern Lords, and then she sees the Maester give LF a piece of paper and she’s like oooohh I gotta get my hands on that. LF hides the paper in his room but, bitch, didn’t you know Arya is a trained assassin from the face-swapping-cult now?

She finds the paper which looks like this letter that Sansa wrote back in Season 1 when she was being forced by QPC. It’s basically her asking #teamStark to swear loyalty to Joffrey, all of which is irrelevant because most of Team Stark, along with Joffrey, is dead. Then we see LF behind the scenes looking all satisfied. Why you may ask? Well it seems like LF is trying to drive a wedge between the sisters by making Arya distrust Sansa even more. IDK I don’t condone violence but I really just want someone to stab LF.

Back to team Khaleesi, Tyrion and NK roll up on Queen’s Landing…

Tyrion reminds us all that the last time he was here, he killed his dad. NK is like well the last time I was here, you killed my son! You’d think there would be some sort of resolution with that but nope, NK was just throwing it out there! Tyrion heads off to see his bro and NK heads off on a secret mission that IS VERY CUTE, just wait and see.

Bronn sets up a meeting between Tyrion and Jaime, who haven’t seen each other since Jaime saved Tyrion from getting killed (per QPC and their dad’s orders). T proceeded to shoot their dad to death on the toilet, so Jaime is understandably a little peeved. Tyrion explains why he came and asks if Jaime could ask QPC if she might possibly be into checking out an ice zombie if they can get one. Jaime is still peeved but considers this helpful offer.

Meanwhile, we get a reunion of 2 of our faves, NK and Gendry!!!! So non-GoT-watchers, Gendry is this dude who is secretly the son of Robert Baratheon, QPC’s ex-hubby and the former king. Only a few ppl knew this, and to protect him from QPC, he got sent North to the wall with Arya. He and Arya developed a cute lil’ friendship and then he met up with some Lord-of-Light (LOL) worshippers, the same ones who the Hound (remember from ep 1 of this season) is now traveling with. Then the red witch lady came and took him to Stannis to have leeches eat his blood but before the red witch could kill him, NK set him free and sent him on a rowboat back to King’s Landing. So here we are…

They reunite and it’s adorbs, since Gendry is like thanks for saving my life, you were right I ended up being safe here. And NK is like oh good, so I have a favor to ask, will you come with us? It’s for- and before he can finish Gendry is like NP my bags are packed let’s go. And NK is like do you want more info...or… and Gendry is like nope this place is the pits, let’s go, lemme get my hammer. And I AM FEELING THIS HAMMER y’all, Gendry is basically Thor of GoT now. And he shall henceforth be known as New-Thor.

NK and New-Thor head to the boat to leave Queen’s Landing and encounter some guards who aren’t gonna let them off that easy. Just when they bribe their way out of there, Tyrion shows up and the guards are like...you look familiar? So New-Thor kindly uses his hammer and demolishes those dudes, leaving T and NK both stunned and impressed.

While we’re still at Queen’s Landing, we see Jaime knocking on QPC’s door, but she’s busy with Maester Qyburn, having some deep discussion. We also learn Qyburn is the hand-of-the-queen (did we know this before? It was news to me). Jaime is like what we’re y’all talking about, and QPC is like I’m sorry, HIPAA, I can’t tell you. Then she tells him that she knows he met with Tyrion and that he should punish Bronn for setting that up. She also hints that she’s willing to do a collab with Khaleesi but then she’s like “we will defeat whatever stands in our way” which doesn’t sound very collab-y to me.

Then, in a major reversal, SHE DROPS A TRUTH BOMB ON HIM and tells him she’s PREGNANT and the baby is HIS. He is shook but also very happy because he loves her a lot. He’s like who you gonna say knocked you up? And she’s like it’s 2017, bitch, I’ll say it was my twin bro cuz #hatersgonnahate. Do we believe she is really preggo? I do not. Classic desperation move when you see your man starting to slip away. But nonetheless he is happy about it so there’s that.

Next, we head back to Dragonstone...

Where Bae meets New-Thor in Bae’s fave place, a cave! They reminisce about how their dads were friends and New-Thor calls out Bae on being a little shorty-pie. We think Bae is gonna be like “ah hell naw” but instead he’s like LOL you’re right bro. New-Thor offers to head North with Bae to kill some ice-zombies with his hammer. NK is a little peeved because he told New-Thor not to tell anyone who his dad was and not to get himself into trouble. NK’s like well don’t mind me, I only lived to be an old man so what do I know about surviving? It’s a very cute scene and it all plays out like a dad playfully chastising his sons for picking a college that’s too far away.

On the shore we get some goodbyes. Tyrion and Khaleesi both say goodbye to Stoney and Khaleesi is especially sappy about it. Then she says goodbye to Bae, who is busy loading up his boats with zombie-killing-rocks from the caves. She’s like, so…I’ll call you next week? And Bae’s like umm….maybe? But you know they’re both fighting the urge to pop into a cave for a quick makeout sesh.

Next, we see Sam and Gilly in Oldtown reading books…

Gilly happens upon the MOST IMPORTANT INFO EVER in a book, which Sam, in a very-un-Sam-like way, completely ignores. It’s infuriating. Basically she finds out that Bae’s real parents, Rhaegar Targaryen (Khaleesi’s bro) and Lyanna Stark (Daddy Stark’s sis) were legit married when she had Bae, which means he is the ONE-TRUE-HEIR to the iron throne or whatevs. Sam, however, is too peeved about the Maesters not listening to him (or Bran for that matter) and gathers up some of the best books in the library (and he is in for the late fee OF A CENTURY cuz you know he won’t return ‘em) and heads out of there. It’s a frustrating scene. I just..can’t...

Finally, we make it to Eastwatch...

Where we get to check in with Gingerbae my #2 boo. Bae tells him the plan to trap the ice zombie and bring it back as proof and Gingerbae is like you are cuckoo. NK is there to confirm that yes, Bae is cuckoo, and no, he’s not going North with them. But on the docket we do have New-Thor with his hammer and Stoney with his un-stoned-hands and arms to help! Gingerbae is like well I know some other dudes who want to get up there...cut to…

The Hound and his LOL-ers Eyepatch and Gingerbun (am I the only one who finds Gingerbun kind of attractive?) are in Eastwatch-prison, doing a very poor version of Cellblock Tango from Chicago, the musical. This is the scene where the whole-don’t-I-know-you-from-somewhere gets really messy. No need to dive into all of it, the point is, these people have HISTORY with eachother. But Bae reminds them that since they’re all humans and not zombies, they’re on the same side. So they head out into the deep, cold, winter to trap and ice zombie. And we’re left there.

Let’s recap:

Biggest surprise this ep: QPC IS PREGNANT?!?!?!

Biggest letdown: Seriously Sam. You could not listen to the most important news ever because you were distracted?

Important fashion moments: Khaleesi lookin’ so fly fresh out of battle, Sansa is really rocking those fitted armor gowns

Who died this ep? Sam’s Bro Dickon (RIP) and Sam’s Mean Dad

Thanks for reading! Tell your friends and subscribe!?

#eastwatch #game of thrones #got #gotrecap #gotreview #gots7e5 #game of thrones recap #jon snow #game of thrones season 7 episode 5 #cersei #jaime lannister #davos seaworth #gendry

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