#thefinalrevelationisdeath

[thenondenominator]

The Day Will Come (Various #3)

Today I will talk about the gnawing, burning sensation in my chest, area—for awhile—I was convinced, it was, a heart defect; but after, so many ER visits, last year—x-rays, EKG's, pulse-oximeters, and blood tests—absolutely, nothing, turned up! And that might sound like "good news", to a lot of ya, but no—the pain did not go away—and instead, of relief, for months I would be panicking. Supposedly, a majority of the pain is psycho-somatic, because these—medications (antidepressant and antihistamine)—have, partly, proven that; as thee sensations, have not, been as—bad [/ unbearable]—since. However, every now and then, thee crawling, creeping—disgusting emptiness—within my gut, comes back, with a sickening feeling. Anyways, psycho-genic-non-epileptic-pseudo-seizures, somatoform, conversion disorders—aside—the mind can be a wicked, gnarly beast, to confront (of all the horrors, within feasibility's, sight); can drive me to my very end, of nightmare-inducing, hyperventilating terror. I am thankful, I am calm enough, to—be—here now, typing about it, instead of dying from it. Mental illness hurts.

What is my business? My business is life and death: W.U.L.D. (Worthless, Useless, Lifeless, Dead) Incorporated™ ©2010-2022, brings together ol' family values and treasures—of modern, American society—to, satiate and cherish, the mouth of the beast (χξϛ). 😉

Some people believe in hell. Think about that, if they actually, believe in it—they're—risking their children to potentially go to hell, so in some regards, it's even worse; but yeah, I've encountered, so many—different types—of people, those who believe there is some purpose ambiguously and those who will just attack us, for not assuming it. I hate the humans, lol, but I hate the humans who hate the humans—a bit—less. ;-)

Once, you get over the whole, "I'm eating cat (/ dog) food", gag reflex—it—really, isn't, so bad; I mean, I might, even—consider—it, over some human foods, like ramen and poptarts (in terms of, its nutritional value; I mean—they—live off of the stuff, if you wouldn't eat it yourself, what kind of message are we sending them?!): *I have eaten multiple kinds of cat food*, for survival, and I can tell you—which—is, the most, palatable: Thankfully, "Twin Pets" (which, is, the cheapest) actually comes in 3rd. I would primarily eat "Blue Wilderness" and Amazon's knockoff version—if I had the, forced, choice (between, the, three)—though, brands I would avoid, are "Friskies", "Meow Mix", and their canned food pates (I have, not, found—one—suitable, for, my tastes; though, it must—be said—in general, this is *all* pushing it, to begin with). It is, also important to note, that—my cat—found "Friskie's" and "Meow Mix's", brands, more palatable (than me); albeit, he, also—enjoys—"Blue Wilderness", and sometimes, "I and Love and You" (but I did not, particularly, however). Types of cat food, I would *particularly* avoid, are—fishy—versions, he doesn't like them, either. I mean, come on guys, that fish—flavor—is really, strong, I feel bad (for the cats, who, have no—choice—in, thee, matter)! On a side, note, here—is a video—that reminds, me of, eating cat food (while, being a—bit—"insane"—itself; though, with one more addendum, I—really wish—they'd just tweak cat and dog food, and make, a kind for humans [since "Twin Pet" and "Blue Wilderness", are almost, there—ya'd just have to—include, extra, vitamins; and I'm not kidding, that stuff ("Twin Pet")—is almost—like corn flake cereal, with extra protein, soy, meaty bits (I guess, thee humans, are—too—self-conscious, for this, ;D—go—figure, okay, enough!)]): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13HtcK59CfE

I never, really, understood—needing to have penetration—there are other ways to derive sexual pleasure. I guess, I am a "weirdo", but masturbation—was—usually, almost always, enough for me; but I'm not making judgments, just suggestions, and my suggestion—is that most people—shouldn't procreate, but that's 'cause life is pretty cyclical (with pain to pleasure and vice-versa—over and o'er—inherently aggressive act; that being, to kill, and to create—force—one to be here, and to, take away), and I wanna move on.

Yea, there are growing movements of women, who simply don't want to live up to the expectations, of being child-rearers (anymore). There is enormous pressure, in various cultures. It does take a lot to not play a part in that—but it's still a choice—out of the myriad of choices, that can lead us to be here, we can also choose not to be.

Looking into the naked jaws of life, the wicked maw, with its appendages and tentacles—jolting—forward, like hex magic, I suddenly realized a cracking smile across my face. Awe, the laughing, beckoning—thee audience—welcomes, the various torture instruments and technologies, I pay attentive gaze (to); they shall be used, on me, too!—but I do not cry or whimper!—spring forth and welter, like a zombie caterpillar, eager (to prove the mettle and the raw grit of my medal—disgusting—ease, in anticipation, for the coming attrocities; my friends and family, holy days past me, fuck off and—be no more—for the days have come, for my precious, splendid, diamond sacrifice [o' succulent blood, ritualized!—temptation(s) abound(s) my plasticine doom!]).

I forget when I saw actual gore, but I made a shock video, denouncing life—on Earth—using various gore clips from "BestGore", at the time, and it stayed public (for about a few hours, before, it was taken down—on—YouTube). If anything makes me hate the human race and life on Earth, it's gore, of children and animals—that's thee worst, to me, because they are so helpless—nothing is worse than watching them, suffer, so vulnerable (where, no one is there, to protect them—only—torture them); but yeah, I don't like the humans, even—before—I was made, more deeply aware, of pedophiles, torture videos, etc. I always kind of hated life on Earth. I mean, nature on its own, is pretty gnarly—with hippos eating their young and bear maulings—but humans have kicked it up a notch, definitely, by how we torture each other. I think, George Carlin, said it, 'we're the only species that tortures and murders, each other, for personal gain'. Anyways, all depression and such aside, I don't watch—gore—because I enjoy it. I actually, just watch, because—it's thee final frontier, for me—to see how horrific it all can get. It's like I am awaiting my own gore video. I wish us all eternal peace. Don't wake up.

I look forward to us all being dead, but I can't be relieved, unless—I see it—happen. This is a different statement than, wanting death. I don't think anyone wants death, so that is a thing you can point out. People are compelled to commit suicide and kill and torture, themselves and each other, but they still do it—so this argument—that people can't feel compelled, to end civilization, isn't going to stand up. "Humans are capable of anything", I'm with, George Carlin, on that one. "We're the only species who tortures and murders, one another, for personal gain", for another quote.

[thenondenominator]

Various Scribblings from Painful Welts #2

I drink a LOT of coffee, I mean a lot. Holy moly, more more . . . I would smoke cigarettes, but this is more affordable. I love thee french press, though, stirring the coffee—seeing—it foam, in rich creaminess, and smelling the aromas. I am pretty, strongly addicted.

Apparently, people think you need credentials to think about certain topics, because—they don't realize—you can just think and speak, about them. They even suggest, that there are "real" and "not real" words—through implications—because, some are more socially accepted, than others. Holy moly, folks, ravioli—words are words—they ultimately, only have, the power you give them (get over it)!

I am obsessed with ash and dust. Ash and dust, ash and dust, ash and dust, as far as the eye can see, surrounding mounds and piles and pyres of more ash and dust. OPENAI RESPONSE: It is all I can see, all around me. The sky is dark, and the air is thick, with the smell of death. The world is on fire, and everything is burning. The flames dance and leap, and the heat is unbearable. The ashes fly through the air, and the dust clings to my skin. I can't escape it, it's all around me. I am surrounded by ash and dust, and I can't escape it.

to be unappealing, that's my game to be unwanted, that's my name I play both, sides, of the field do you know, who, I am?

Everyone has survived, up until now, until they don't—so—"congratulations", on, just being you. It takes absolutely no effort to be, but that doesn't mean it's easy (the body will, go on, for—however—long it does, on its own, regardless of you). All I mean by that, is it's incredibly painful—to exist—no matter what you do; but some lives, are less painful, than others—that's for sure—as some will claim, that they "want to live", and force the next generation to be here. Well, I don't believe, anyone "wants to be here". I know, they are compelled to, through—my own experience—and that's, all, I'll ever have folks. I can't claim to know everyone's experience (I, just, speak—through—my own; but that's, also, where—I draw—my conclusions, if any can be, because that's all I've got to work with). Sure, I don't have to speak. I don't have to think, even, potentially—but I do and I will—for, absolutely, no reason; other than, to say, hello—this is the contents—of my mind, and here are some placeholders, for my experience (which, you can never, directly—access—and know, other than, through what ya guess of me and know of your own; and that's not the same—I know—so let's not pretend). We're, all, alone—in this—regard, and I can accept it OR not. I can play games OR not—but—what I, can't, do is know what I can't know; but I, can, know what I can.

If I can make my vomit, satisfying, then I have—become—surely, immovable, because nothing can pain me. If I can make, my spit, valuable—in the eyes of others—I do not have to try very hard, to be seen as, "successful". My therapist said, 'I had to find one thing I wanted to change about myself', so I stopped going.